#and somehow I went for a workout earlier

[eywaseclipse]

I was going to write but ended up feeling really ill this morning. I got my flu and covid shot yesterday and I’m going to take page from my Neytiri self care day handbook. I’ll get to it eventually lol.

[reigningqueenofwords]

Boy, Do I Remember

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Final Part of Little Soldier

As you’d guessed, Nat was livid. Instead of lashing out in front of Dom, however, she simply walked away. Later that night, you were torn. You didn’t know if you should go speak with her...or let her cool off. Dom was with Steve for the night, wrapping Christmas presents, and Bucky would be with you. Now that it was out in the open that you were together, you were going to ask him to just start staying in your room from now on. He said that he’d be up after a workout and a shower. 

You had showered yourself and started tidying up your little place when there was a knock on the door. “Come in.” You called, not wanting to stop your cleaning. Once you did, you wouldn’t want to start up again. 

“So…” Nat sighed as she walked in, shutting the door behind her. 

Swallowing, you stood up straight. “Come here to chew me out, mom?” You raised an eyebrow at her. 

Nat couldn’t help but smirk at that. “Smartass.” She muttered before plopping on your couch. “No, I’m not.” She let her head hang back. “As much as I wanted to earlier. I talked to Steve earlier.” She told you, looking at you as you sat on the other side of the couch. “I still don’t like you and Bucky being together. I don’t think he deserves you or Dom. I think that I’ll always be scared I’ll get a call that he walked out on you.” You gave her a sad smile, knowing that she loved you and Dom so much. “But…” She made a face. “You’re an adult.” You couldn’t help but giggle at her expression. “And I’ll support you because I love you. Even when you’re clearly being dumb.” Her eyes softened as she nudged you. “No more babies, though? At least for now?” 

You snorted. “I can assure you, no more babies.” You shook your head, opening your arms for her. “Come here, you stubborn spy.” 

“Seriously, though! I am a spy, and somehow you two managed to keep this from me!” She sounded both impressed, and a bit offended that she’d missed it. Hugging you, she gave you a squeeze. “He hurts you again, they’ll never find his body.” She told you before pulling back.  Bucky walked in, drying his still wet hair. He paused when he spotted Nat. “Hey, Nat.” He was preparing himself for a lecture, threats, and possibly bodily harm. 

“That’s my cue.” She patted your leg. “Night.” She got up, glaring at him. “I’m watching you, Barnes.” 

He watched her go, the door shutting behind her. His eyes went back to you. “At least I’m still in one piece?” He joked. “She still pissed off?” 

You shrugged. “She’s Nat.” You reminded him. “She still has the same feelings but said I’m an adult and she’ll support me because she loves me.” You put your legs over his once he sat on the couch. “How was your shower?” 

“So lonely.” He winked at you, making you laugh. 

You and your little family had been in the house almost three and a half months by the time the 4th of July came around. Bucky had surprised Dom with a cat the month before, and you’d put him in charge of cleaning up the fur. Why? Because he got the fluffiest white cat known to mankind. His fur got everywhere. Which was why when everyone showed up for the cookout for the 4th...he was trying to get the fur off the couch. As soon as he seemed to get it off, Snowball (as Dom had named him) would jump right back up on the couch and stretch out. “You’re lucky you’re cute and my kid loves your furry ass.” He muttered, shaking his head. 

“Awe, is Bucky getting outwitted by a cat?” Steve teased as he walked in. 

“You want to try to keep the fur off everything with this thing?” He pointed to the cat who was now lying on its back, it’s tail moving back and forth. He let out a sigh and shook his head. “I give up.” 

You smirked as you peeked in. “You’re the one who opted to get the walking duster, babe.” You reminded him. “Come on, Dom wants you guys to kick the ball around.” You’d give the man a break and tell him to google tips later. 

Grinning, Bucky followed you and Steve out to the backyard. Thor was relaxing in a chair, Clint was in charge of the grill, Tony was already kicking the ball around with Dom, Bruce was playing a card game with Sam in the dining room, and Nat and Wanda were waiting for you to join them to chat. 

It was shaping up to be a good day. 

Between the 4th and Dom’s birthday, Bucky had been pulled away for a handful of missions. Both you and Dom always worried about him, which meant Dom would wind up in your bed while he was gone. 

He returned the end of September with the promise that he would be there for Dom’s birthday. There was no way in hell he would miss that for anything. That night, Dom slept between the two of you. You looked over at Bucky, as neither of you could fall asleep just yet. “I love you.” You whispered happily, a sleepy smile on your face.

He lit up, as always. “I love you, too.” He whispered back, rolling over so that he was on his side. Reaching over, he ran his hand through his hair before holding you both. 

“Hey, Bucky?” You breathed, your heart hammering in your chest. 

“Mhm?” 

“Remember when you got back the end of July? From that rough mission?” You started, licking your lips. “And we...celebrated?” He couldn’t see, but you were blushing. 

He smirked. “Boy, do I remember.” He told you. “Why?” 

“I’m pregnant.” You were nervous as all hell, but you’d already been putting off telling him since right before he left on the mission. You had been trying to figure out how , and then he left. Had he never known, you never would have forgiven yourself. He was quiet, scaring you. “Buck?” Your eyes were watering. 

“I’m gonna be a dad again?” He asked, his voice full of emotion. “We’re having another kid? When are you due?” 

You sniffed, thankful that he was happy. “Around April.” You told him. “You’re not mad?” 

“Fuck no.” He assured you. “I’m excited!” 

Dom groaned, Bucky getting too loud. “Shhhhh.” He rolled over in his sleep, making you chuckle. 

Everyone had been told about the baby on Thanksgiving (including Dom, as you knew he’d tell). You had wanted to wait for Christmas, to tell everyone what you were having...but there was no way in hell you’d be able to hide it that long. You were just about 4 months along, and sporting a small bump. Everyone was excited- even Nat. That had surprised you the most, but things had improved with her lately. Thankfully. She no longer glared at Bucky when visiting on the weekends at times. 

On Christmas you announced that you were having a little girl, and you were naming her Kaylee. While you, Nat, and Bruce worked on Christmas dinner, Thor, Clint, Steve, and Bucky spent the day in the snow with Dom. Tony, of course, tinkered with everything. He did every visit to make sure things were safe. Wanda and Sam put themselves in charge of pictures. They wanted to make sure that the first Christmas spent in your house was remembered. 

You and Bucky had opted to not celebrate the New Year. Mostly because you would be too tired to stay up, and he just didn’t care all that much. The three of you had pizza that night for dinner as your ‘celebration’ (code for neither of you felt like cooking or doing dishes), and that was that. 

Bucky let you sleep in on Valentine’s Day, getting Dom off to school before making you breakfast in bed. Smelling waffles, you slowly started to sit up as he came in. “Morning, beautiful.” He grinned. 

“Morning, handsome.” You stretched your arms above your head. He set the tray next to you and got comfortable. Finally looking at your tray, you paused. “Bucky?” You breathed. Sitting in a little box next to your plate was a diamond ring. You looked up at him. 

Licking his lips, he tucked some hair behind his ear. “Will you marry me?” He asked shyly. 

You teared up and nodded. “Yes!” You agreed. Never in a million years would you have seen this coming. He gently took your hand and slipped the ring on your finger. “It’s beautiful, Bucky.” You told him. 

“Bruce helped.” He chuckled. “I called him panicked because I was so overwhelmed at the store.” 

You giggled, able to picture that. “That’s cute.” 

Next thing you knew...you were rocking your newborn daughter, trying to get her to sleep. She was born April 1st (which Clint told you to be careful because she was bound to like pranks…), and watching Bucky with her melted you. She had his hair, which surprised no one. Man’s genes were strong, apparently. Hearing footsteps, you looked over to see said man standing in the door to the nursery. “Let me take over so you can get a nap.” He said softly. 

“You sure? You need one, too.” You told him. 

He nodded, coming over to take the little girl. “Get some sleep.” He kissed your forehead. “I’ll join you when I can.” 

You gave him a loving smile. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” He grinned. 

“Mom! Look!” Dom yelled from the living room, making you run from the kitchen where you were getting Kaylee a sippy. 

You came to a halt to see your chubby ten month old walking. She was giggling up a storm and fell on her bottom after a good ten steps. “Oh my god!” You beamed, wishing Bucky was there. You’d sent him out for diapers, as she was almost out. “Daddy is gonna be so proud!” You went over and scooped her up. “And everyone else is gonna be so excited!” You kissed her cheek. 

“Excited for what?” Bucky asked as he walked in, setting the box of diapers down. 

Crouching, you set her down. “Go see Daddy!” You watched her try to balance before trying to get to him. 

Bucky watched her run as fast as her little feet would take her. “I wasn’t gone that long, princess!” He chuckled, lifting her up above his head, sending her into a fit of giggles. Holding her close, he looked at you. “One more? Please? We make cute kids.” He batted his eyelashes at you, giving you puppy dog eyes. 

“Dada!” She clapped, as if agreeing. 

“Oh, you gotta say yes now. I mean, seriously, babe!” He was beaming, and followed as you went back to the kitchen to finally get her sippy. “Please? Pretty please?” 

Little Soldier @ilovetaquitosmmmm @vicmc624 @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @sebastians-love @differenttyphoonwerewolf @hisredheadedgoddess28

[cloudymilk04]

Story of a slumber party spook (+ Baldwin somehow)

Tagging @i-cant-sing because their Time Traveler fic indirectly became part of this story and this is probably too long to simply tell in an ask or something. Buckle up for the ride, I’ll also add screenshots at the end of my friend and I joking about this event, Baldwin’s in general, or that TT fic.

Let's set the scene. It was around a month ago when I had a big sleepover with my three best friends (+ my cat) as my family was going to be gone for the weekend. We'll call my best friends Anna, Rose, and Julie (not their real names, all random names they picked).

For some much needed background, Anna and I are big Baldwin IV fans. I'm the only one who has Tumblr and uses it actively so whenever I see something on here relating to him, I'll screenshot and send it to her. However, we both really like the Time Traveler fic by the previously tagged user so whenever there's a new part, I'll message her and read it while telling her what's going on (often feels like watching drama go down while texting your friend about it).

We have an inside joke that we're actually the best of buddies with Baldwin, (as a side note, she’s the one drawn with me and him in my last post) which is why when the time for the sleepover came up, I said something like, "Imagine if we're all partying down and we hear a knock on the door but when we open it, Baldwin comes waltzing in." and just joking about him coming to our slumber party.

Hours passed and time came for everyone to come over. We hung out for a little bit until night fell and we started to get hungry. We decided to get food and bring it back to the house but Rose (the driver) also needed to get something from her grandma's on the way there. Realizing that it would be a lot of trouble to load all four of us into the car, we chose for two of us to go and bring the stuff back and the other two to stay. I had referenced earlier about going to the basement to workout and Anna asked if she could come along too, so we agreed that Anna and I would be the ones to stay behind and wait for Rose and Julie.

I asked how we would be sure to know they had arrived if we were in the basement. Considering it was night time, I didn't want them waiting out there too long and with us being down there, I wasn't sure if we'd hear their knocking. Julie said that she'd call or text when they were getting close to my house so we could be back upstairs by the time they pulled up. We all agreed to the plan and went our separate ways. Rose and Julie leave while Anna and I go to the basement.

I showed her our equipment for a little bit and Anna came up with an idea to film ourselves working out but leave a space for us to edit in Baldwin afterwards to make it look like he's getting his gains with us (this detail comes up later). After this, a few minutes pass and we stop just to stand and chit chat about random stuff when we hear, clear as day, a knocking from upstairs.

It sounded like someone had knocked on the door. We both looked at each other confused and I said, "Is that them?"

She responded with, "I guess?" I didn't wanna leave them waiting so I asked Anna to turn off the lights behind us as we're going upstairs and commented that it's weird Julie didn't text or call. I walk upstairs and notice through the dining room window that it doesn't look like Rose's car is out there. I walk to the front door and there's no one there and so, in the most calm voice I can muster, I call out to Anna that they're not there (later she told me that her heart dropped when I said that).

It should be mentioned that my house doesn't have a back door, but instead, a side door. The side door leads out to a closed off porch. While you can get to the porch from the outside through a door, I knew it was locked so no one could even get to the side door, much less be on that porch.

Anyways, we're standing together and feeling nervous. I checked my phone and noticed I didn't get a Life360 notification either. I'm trying to make sense of it all so I asked if she heard the same thing I did, knocking coming from upstairs. She said yes and confirmed that it was very clear. I remembered how earlier I had joked about Baldwin knocking on the door and so, to lighten the mood, I started being like "Man, Baldwin just wanted to join the party" and "Did he have to show up in such a foreboding way??"

A couple minutes passed as I looked through the windows to see if I could see anyone. Anna and I go to stand in front of the couch when we hear a loud thump come from the side porch. It sounded almost like someone threw their body against it, so I pushed Anna away from the door and quickly said, "I think someone's out there." and had us stand behind the couch.

Right at the moment we heard the thump though, Julie called (very poor timing really). When Anna answered, Julie only said, "Be on the lookout." before hanging up. Which, I should add, was unknowingly the worst thing to have been told at that moment. We talk about how we gotta watch out for two separate things and we stay huddled together behind the couch frantically looking out the windows for either Rose's car or some person or ghost trying to break in.

About 30 seconds passed and we saw them pull up, so I told Anna to wait inside while I go check to see if the side porch door is open and to tell Rose and Julie about what's going on. I go outside and check only to see that the door still looked closed. I give the other two a quick run down and Rose, with a determined look, hands Julie the food, straightens her back, grabs her purse with her pepper spray, and starts speeding off towards the side of the house saying she's gonna check around the place. I quickly asked, "Do you need a weapon??"

She just goes "No" before skedaddling off. Julie and I bring the food in before explaining to Anna what Rose is doing. A minute or so passed before she came back in, saying that no one was out there and wanting more details on what happened. Anna and I explain further and we agree that there probably wouldn't have been enough time for someone to just completely run away and have no one see them.

She also goes to the side porch and checks it out while confirming that it was still locked. Everything's in order.

To get rid of the tension again, I started joking with Anna that it was actually Baldwin's ghost showing up to join the party and that when we go back to watch the workout basement video we took earlier, that we might see an orb floating in Baldwin's spot. I also say that the thump outside must’ve been him falling over since we left him standing out there for too long.

The rest of the night went smoothly and we all had fun, took Julie a bit to feel at ease though (she gets scared easily :( ). Also my cat is completely okay he’s a grumpy old guy so he was chilling in my room asleep

In the end, here's the screenshots of us talking tried to put them in some sort of conversational order, can only put ten pics though. Purple is me, red is “Anna”

[pitaficionado]

New neighbor

Yesterday, I noticed a new guy moving into the apartment next to mine. He seemed athletic, carrying boxes with ease and wearing a casual workout outfit. Despite his fit appearance, he had a relaxed and friendly vibe. He smiled and waved as he passed by, introducing himself briefly in between trips. It was clear he was eager to settle in and make a good impression. His approachable nature made me feel like we might get along well as neighbors.

I couldn’t help but offer to help the new guy as he lugged boxes into his apartment, though, if I’m being honest, my eyes kept wandering. His body was hard to miss—lean, muscular, and his chest stood out, clearly defined through his snug T-shirt. Even the sweat stains under his arms didn’t take away from how good he looked. It just made him seem more real, like he’d been working hard all day. As I asked if he needed a hand, I found myself both a little flustered and amused at how distracted I was by his appearance.

Kyle thanked me for the offer but said he was almost finished and had it under control. He appreciated the gesture, though, and we ended up chatting for a bit about the neighborhood. I gave him a quick rundown of the best spots nearby—where to grab coffee, which gym was decent, and which restaurants were worth checking out. He seemed genuinely interested and asked a few questions, making me feel like he was eager to settle in. It was a short but friendly conversation, and I could tell he was going to fit in just fine here.

Over the next few days, I started noticing little things about Kyle’s routine, like how his bedroom must be directly opposite mine. Late at night, I’d sometimes hear faint noises—soft footsteps or the muffled sound of drawers opening—just on the other side of the wall. It wasn’t loud or disruptive, just enough to make me aware that he was there, getting settled in. Occasionally, the low hum of music would drift through, barely audible but enough to remind me how close we actually lived. It felt strange and oddly intimate, knowing we were both going about our lives with just a wall between us.

I started noticing that Kyle had a routine—he always went out early in the morning, long before most people were even awake. From my window, I’d catch glimpses of him heading out to lift weights, always dressed in athletic gear, looking focused and determined. Like clockwork, he’d return about an hour later, his T-shirt clinging to his chest, drenched in sweat, and those familiar armpit stains making a reappearance. It was clear he was dedicated, and I couldn’t help but admire his consistency, even if it was hard to ignore how good he looked post-workout, exhausted but somehow energized at the same time.

It wasn’t long before I started noticing another pattern with Kyle—he often had late-night visitors to his apartment. They’d usually arrive after dark, always a different guy, but there was a clear type: all of them were athletic, jock-like, and just as attractive as Kyle himself. It was almost like they belonged to the same gym or sports team, the way they carried themselves with that same confident, easygoing energy. I’d hear them laughing or chatting as they entered his place, the sounds fading as the door closed behind them. It became a bit of a mystery to me, watching this quiet, steady stream of visitors and wondering what Kyle's story was.

Occasionally, late at night, I’d hear noises through the bedroom wall—soft, muffled sounds that left little to the imagination. The faint moaning, barely audible, would mix with the rhythmic creaking of Kyle’s bed moving. It wasn’t loud, just enough to remind me how thin the walls were between us. The intimacy of those moments caught me off guard, making me acutely aware of his presence, and of the visitors who’d arrived earlier in the evening. It was strangely captivating, hearing those sounds and knowing exactly what was happening on the other side of the wall, even if I tried not to think about it too much.

There were nights when the sounds coming from Kyle’s bedroom were more than just faint moans and the rhythmic creak of his bed. Sometimes, I could make out specific words, whispered or moaned through the thin walls. Words like "sweat," "stink," and "armpit" floated over, surprising me with their intensity and the raw, almost primal nature of what was happening on the other side. It felt strange, almost voyeuristic, hearing such personal moments, and those particular words lingered in my mind longer than I wanted them to. It added another layer of intrigue to the mystery that was Kyle and his late-night visitors, leaving me both curious and unsettled.

One night, I heard something that caught me completely off guard. Through the wall, as things got more intense in Kyle’s bedroom, a guy’s voice suddenly rang out, louder than usual. “Thank you for letting me service your armpits, sir,” he practically yelled, the words clear as day through the thin barrier between us. I froze, surprised by the strange mix of respect and submission in his tone. It was surreal, hearing something so specific and intimate, making me realize there was definitely more to Kyle's encounters than I had imagined. That moment lingered with me, leaving me more curious than ever about what really went on behind closed doors.

It became a regular sight—those athletic guys leaving Kyle’s apartment, often with a large bag of laundry slung over their shoulders. They’d step out into the hallway with a dazed, almost spaced-out look on their faces, like they’d been through something intense. The contrast was striking: they’d arrive full of energy and swagger, but when they left, they seemed drained, their expressions calm but distant. It was clear these encounters left a mark, though I couldn’t quite figure out the connection to the laundry bags. Whatever went on in Kyle’s place, it was leaving these guys both physically and mentally affected, and I found myself more intrigued with each passing day.

One day, I unexpectedly ran into Kyle in the lobby as he was heading out. Feeling a mix of nervousness and curiosity, I decided to casually bring up the faint noises I sometimes heard through the walls. I laughed it off, trying to keep the mood light, and said something like, “You know, sometimes it sounds like you’re hosting a late-night party in there!” To my surprise, Kyle just chuckled, a knowing smile spreading across his face. He seemed unfazed, almost amused, as if he appreciated the openness. We exchanged a few light-hearted comments about the thin walls, and in that moment, it felt like a small but genuine connection, one that made me even more intrigued about the life he led just beyond our shared space.

During our conversation in the lobby, I couldn’t help but notice how Kyle seemed to catch me glancing at the sweat stains on his T-shirt. Each time my eyes drifted down to those dark patches, he would raise an eyebrow, a teasing smirk playing on his lips. It was both embarrassing and exhilarating; I was trying to be casual, but the evidence of his workouts was hard to ignore. Kyle seemed to enjoy the attention, and I could tell he was aware of the effect it had on me. His confidence radiated, making it all the more difficult to keep my focus on what we were talking about, as my mind wandered to the late-night sounds and the intriguing world behind his closed door.

As our conversation continued, Kyle leaned in slightly, a playful glint in his eyes, and said, “You know, maybe I should invite you over for one of those late-night sessions sometime.” My heart raced at the suggestion, and I was caught off guard by his boldness. It felt like a teasing invitation, laced with an air of mischief, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. Part of me wanted to accept, to dive deeper into the mystery of his life and those intriguing encounters, while another part was still reeling from the implications of what he was suggesting. The moment hung between us, charged with unspoken possibilities, leaving me both flattered and slightly overwhelmed by the idea of crossing that boundary.

Feeling a surge of confidence, I decided to seize the moment and give Kyle my number. He handed me his phone, flashing a grin as I said, “Text me sometime if you’re serious about that invite. I’d love to check it out.” As I finished entering my number in his contacts, I noticed the way his smile widened, his eyes glinting with mischief. “I definitely will,” he replied, looking up at me with a playful smirk. The exchange felt electrifying, a blend of anticipation and curiosity hanging in the air. I couldn't help but wonder what might happen next, imagining all the possibilities that lay just beyond that thin wall.

One night, as I was nearly dozing off on my couch, my phone buzzed with a text that jolted me awake. It was Kyle. My heart raced as I grabbed my phone, and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw the message that appeared on the screen. The words were casual yet enticing: “Hey, I’m having a session in a few minutes, if you care to join.” The invitation sent a rush of excitement through me, pulling me from my sleepy haze and making me feel instantly alert. I glanced at the clock, debating whether to jump into some clothes and head over. It felt like the perfect opportunity to finally see what all the late-night noise was about and get to know Kyle in a whole new way.

As I typed my response, Kyle quickly followed up with another message, telling me that his apartment was unlocked and to just let myself in. He added casually that his buddy would already be in his bedroom. A mix of nerves and excitement washed over me at his words. The casual tone made it clear that this was a regular occurrence for him, but the thought of walking into his apartment and stepping into whatever dynamic was unfolding behind that door sent my heart racing. I hesitated for a moment, but then I reminded myself that this was the chance I had been waiting for. With a deep breath, I grabbed my keys and headed out, curiosity propelling me forward into the unknown.

Tentatively, I walked into Kyle's apartment, feeling a mix of anticipation and nerves. I was familiar with the layout since it mirrored my own, making it easy to navigate through the living room and down the short hallway. As I approached the bedroom, the atmosphere grew heavier, and I could already hear the intense moaning of someone inside, thick with desire and urgency. My heart raced as I paused outside the door, taking a moment to gather my thoughts. The sounds were unmistakable, wrapping around me like a seductive invitation, and I could feel my curiosity pulling me closer. With a deep breath, I slowly pushed the door open, ready to step into a world I had only imagined.

As I opened the door, a wave of darkness enveloped me, momentarily disorienting my senses. The dim light from the room cast soft shadows that danced across the walls, but it was the thick, intoxicating smell of sweat and sex that immediately hit me, wrapping around me like a warm blanket. It was an earthy, primal scent that stirred something deep within me, igniting a rush of adrenaline. The sounds of moaning grew louder as I stepped further inside, the atmosphere pulsing with energy and desire. In that moment, I felt both exhilarated and vulnerable, caught between the intoxicating allure of the scene unfolding before me and the realization that I was about to cross a threshold into something entirely new.

As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I finally saw the scene unfolding in front of me: Kyle, lying on the bed, his arms handcuffed to the bedframe, a look of pure ecstasy on his face. Beside him was a beautiful jock, his strong physique glistening with sweat as he eagerly lapped at one of Kyle’s armpits. The sight was both mesmerizing and shocking; Kyle seemed completely lost in the moment, reveling in the pleasure of his position. The jock's admiration for Kyle was palpable, his movements purposeful and worshipful, heightening the intensity of the scene. My heart raced as I absorbed the sight, the air thick with raw desire, and I felt an overwhelming urge to step closer, drawn into the depths of their captivating encounter.

Caught up in the moment, I felt a sudden surge of boldness that propelled me forward. Without thinking, I approached the bed and leaned down to lap at Kyle's other armpit, mirroring the jock's actions. The taste of sweat was intoxicating, and I could see the surprise flicker across Kyle's face before it melted into bliss. The connection between us deepened as I focused on pleasuring him, feeling the warmth radiate from his skin and the tension in his body as he surrendered to the sensations. The room was thick with heat and desire, and in that exhilarating moment, I became part of something raw and intimate, fully immersed in the pleasure we were all sharing.

As I continued to explore the warmth of Kyle’s skin, he suddenly chuckled, breaking the moment with a playful glint in his eyes. “Alright, guys, here are the rules of the game,” he said, his voice low and teasing. He explained that we were to service his pits continuously without stopping, a challenge that sent a thrill through me. The stakes were set high: if either of us could make him climax solely from pit play, the reward would be the chance to do his laundry—full of his sweaty gym gear. The thought was both enticing and amusing, and I couldn’t help but smile at the absurdity of it all. The game transformed the atmosphere into a playful competition, fueling my desire to please him even more, while the jock beside me nodded enthusiastically, clearly eager to dive into the challenge.

As I focused on pleasing Kyle, my gaze drifted momentarily to his jockstrap, and I couldn’t help but notice a huge stain that had formed, a clear sign of just how much he was enjoying our service. The dark patch contrasted sharply against the fabric, an unmistakable testament to the intensity of the moment. It sent a rush of excitement through me, knowing that we were both having such an effect on him. The jock beside me seemed equally captivated, his own enthusiasm evident as he continued to worship Kyle’s armpit. The air was thick with tension and desire, and the sight of that stained jockstrap only fueled my determination to push Kyle closer to the edge, eager to see just how far we could take this playful game.

As I continued to focus on Kyle, I became hyper-aware of every detail in the room, including the jockstrap hugging his hips. The atmosphere was charged with heat and arousal, and I could almost hear the fabric getting wetter with each passing moment, a subtle sound that hinted at just how turned on Kyle was. The rhythmic movements of our service seemed to amplify the sound, creating a symphony of pleasure that echoed in my ears. It was both thrilling and intoxicating, knowing that our actions were pushing him closer to climax. Each droplet of sweat that pooled and soaked into that jockstrap felt like a testament to our collective effort, and the realization only deepened my resolve to keep him on the edge, eager to see how far we could take this exhilarating game.

As the intense play continued, it became clear that the other jock was making significant headway; Kyle's moans grew louder, and I could feel the tension building to a breaking point. In a sudden rush, the other jock elicited a deep, guttural groan from Kyle, signaling his climax and marking the end of the game. The triumphant jock flashed a victorious grin, clearly pleased with his achievement. But then, Kyle turned to me, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Don’t worry,” he said, “you have an open invitation to try and win the next match.” The promise hung in the air, leaving me with a mix of disappointment and excitement. I knew that this was far from over; the thrill of competition and the allure of Kyle’s challenges beckoned me, fueling my desire to return and prove myself in the next round.

[kallie-den]

Lifestyle Journalism Ch. 2

Emma is a journalist investigating abuses of mind control, but when  she encounters Amara, a personal trainer with ties to the elite, she  finds her intelligence and her career slipping away. Will her friend  Mel’s warnings reach her in time? And who is really behind Amara?

Chapter 1

If you enjoy my work and are looking for more, or you want to support me, I strongly encourage you to check out my Patreon! I  write erotica full-time, which means I need your patronage to keep  creating, and my Patrons also get benefits like early access to my  stories, extra stories, and the ability to vote on what I write next!  So, if that sounds good to you, head over and join the couple hundred  patrons I already have :)

---

A little over a week after Emma’s first encounter with Amara Rodriguez, she once again found herself stepping into the personal trainer’s apartment. Amara greeted her, as ever, with a warm, friendly, encouraging smile.

“Hey, Emma!” she said brightly. “Ready to work up a sweat?”

“You know it!” Emma replied, just as brightly. She followed Amara into her home gym and immediately started changing into the bright pink workout outfit Amara had lent her.

This was the fourth time she’d come to see Amara, and already, it was all becoming a habit. She showed up, got changed, asked Amara a few questions, worked out, and left. Emma wasn’t sure how to feel about that. It wasn’t supposed to be a habit, after all. Her interview with Amara should have been a one-time thing. But somehow, every time, she ended up exhausted and disoriented, struggling to remember what she had been meaning to ask. She barely remembered the second half of any of their sessions. It was getting frustrating.

But it wasn’t all bad. Amara seemed happy to keep meeting up with her - just as long as Emma kept up their bargain. Exercise in exchange for questions. Even that was starting to feel like a win-win. The day after her first session with Amara, Emma’s body had ached like hell, but after a week, the benefits of regular exercise had already started to appear. She felt more energetic, less sore, and more confident. Mel’s home-cooked dinners were helping with that too, probably. As it turned out, a healthy lifestyle felt pretty great!

Emma didn’t even mind that she was struggling so much with her investigation into abuses of mind control and hypnosis in the city’s fitness scene. Somehow, whenever she sat down and tried to focus on her work, she ended up feeling far too light-headed and distracted to make any real progress. Muckraking was starting to feel boring, somehow, and whenever she reviewed her notes at the end of the day, they were always riddled with typos and mistakes.

That should have been eating at her, but… it wasn’t. Emma just felt good. It was irrepressible. Perhaps it was the power of exercise. Perhaps she was simply warming to the idea of taking a break from her work, as Mel had proposed. Either way, Emma wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“OK, Emma.” Amara clapped her hands; Emma knew that meant they were ready to get started. “How are you feeling?”

“Good!” Emma replied, truthfully. “I think I’m getting the hang of this whole exercise thing. I actually went out for a morning jog yesterday.”

“That’s great! I’m proud of you.” Amara smiled. “We’ll make a regular gym bunny out of you in no time. Although, it would be remiss of me not to mention that, if you truly want to level up your exercise game, there’s one thing that really does the trick: hypnosis.”

A shiver ran down Emma’s spine. “Yeah?”

“It’s what most people pay me for,” Amara told her, smiling. “And it’s part of my regular service. Hypnosis is great for self-improvement. It makes it easier to focus. Easier to push yourself. If you wanted to, I’d love to start incorporating it into your workouts.”

“I… I dunno.”

Emma found herself a lot more indecisive than she would have been a week earlier. She was a lot more alert than the average person to the dangers of being hypnotized by a stranger, but Amara didn’t feel like a stranger. Emma trusted her. In particular, she trusted her exercise advice. Maybe hypnosis would be a big help. It wasn’t like every single hypnotist in the world was some rich asshole trying to turn people into helpless drones, after all.

But there was something else. Another factor, putting its finger on the scales: Emma had started finding hypnosis incredibly, incredibly hot.

Hypnosis wasn’t exactly an uncommon kink. Far from it. Given how the rich and elite wielded it as a tool of power, it was an easy thing for people of a certain persuasion to end up fetishizing. That was new to Emma, though. Somehow, recently, whenever she was blowing off some steam in private, she found her thoughts turning in that direction.

She couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel to slip under someone’s hypnotic spell. The particular fantasy that kept haunting Emma was all about having the smarts and quick-thinking she was so proud of stripped out of her head, and being turned into one of those dim-witted, brainwashed bimbos that sometimes clung to the arms of powerful hypnotists. She fantasized about being stared at, posed, and put through the motions of dancing, or exercising, or performing, always while she was naked, or else wearing something pink and skintight.

It was embarrassing. But it also made her cum like nothing else, and a tiny little part of her was shivering in anticipation at the thought of finding out what hypnosis actually felt like.

“It’s OK if you don’t want to,” Amara added. “I know you’re wary, and that’s totally understandable. I won’t push it on you. It’s just that I think it could really help, especially with the concentration problems you keep having with our interview.”

Emma blinked and looked at her. “It could help with that?”

“Of course,” Amara assured her. “There’s nothing like hypnosis for giving you a little clarity of mind.”

That was all the excuse Emma needed to succumb to temptation. She remained a little skeptical but, deep down, part of her wanted to give hypnosis a shot. She wanted to indulge this new desire of hers. If it did help with her work too, that was just a silver lining.

She’d just have to make sure Amara didn’t notice how aroused hypnosis was making her.

“OK,” Emma said, a touch breathlessly. “OK. Yeah. Let’s give it a shot.”

Amara reached over and clapped her on her shoulder. “Atta girl.”

Emma blushed.

“So, um, what do you need me to do?” she asked, hoping to hide her embarrassment. “Do you have a pocket watch I should be staring at? A metronome? Do I look deep into your eyes?”

Amara laughed. “Only if you think they’re pretty. I like to do things a little differently. Have you heard of kinesthetic inductions?”

“Hypnosis with movement.” Emma nodded.

“That’s right,” Amara said. “Let me show you. Close your eyes.”

Emma was a little unprepared for how quickly things were moving, but nonetheless she obediently closed her eyes. A moment later, she felt Amara take her hand and lead her a few paces away, to stand on one of her exercise mats.

“Good,” Amara told her. “Now, focus on your body. Just like when you work out.”

Emma nodded. That was easy. Amara was even talking to her like she did when she was working out, in that voice that was so confident, so soothing, so easy to obey.

“Good,” Amara repeated. “I want you to visualize where you are right now. The room around you. The way you’re standing. The way I’m standing. Picture it all, in your mind’s eye. Can you do that?”

Emma nodded again. “In your apartment,” she murmured. “In your gym. You’re holding my hand.”

“Very good,” Amara said. “Keep your eyes close. I want you to notice the way that, already, your mental image is starting to fade. We forget things so quickly with our eyes shut. Where exactly are you standing? What’s right in front of you? Which exercise machine is that, over there in the corner? Maybe you remember. Maybe not.”

As soon as Amara mentioned it, Emma’s mind’s eye was starting to blur. Where was she standing? Amara had guided her to walk a short distance with her eyes closed. How many steps? How far had she moved? She wasn’t quite sure.

Emma started to feel a little dizzy. She squeezed down tighter on Amara’s hand.

“I’m here,” Amara said soothingly. “Don’t worry. I’ve got you.”

She reached out and rested a hand on Emma’s side, steadying her. An immediate wave of calm washed over Emma. Amara’s touch was familiar. She was used to Amara touching her and guiding her when the personal trainer was showing her how to exercise properly.

This was no different. She just had to let Amara guide her.

Amara tugged gently at her hand, and Emma took careful, tentative steps after her, moving where she was guided. With each step, it became more difficult to picture exactly where she was standing, and, with that reference point gone, everything else started to dissolve into mist.

“It’s getting harder to picture, isn’t it?” Amara seemed like she could read Emma’s mind. “That’s OK. I want you to simply let that happen, Emma. Take some deep breaths, and let your mental image of this room fade away.”

Emma did her best to obey. Once she accepted what was going to happen, it all started to fade away much, much faster. Soon, Amara’s touch was her only lifeline.

“It’s only natural,” Amara continued. “Images fade. Memory fades, and it’s OK to forget. Forgetting means less distractions. Less distractions means it’s easier to stay focused. And we want you nice and focused, don’t we Emma?”

“Yeah.”

Emma nodded too. That was a mistake. Nodding triggered a wave of dizziness. She felt like she was about to lose her balance and stumble, but Amara steadied her - this time, by placing her hand firmly on the top of Emma’s head.

“Focus, Emma,” Amara encouraged. “It’s OK. You’re not going to fall over. I’ve got you. Nice, deep, calming breaths.”

“OK.”

Amara’s words were already having a deep effect on Emma. As soon as Amara told her to be calm, she was calm. Emma realized she was rapidly slipping under hypnosis. That thought excited her, making her heart race even as her breathing slowed.

“Keep your eyes closed,” Amara repeated. “Look around, in your mind’s eye. What do you see?”

Emma made one last attempt to reconstruct the room around her. She failed. It was gone. She simply didn’t know where she was, where Amara was, where anything was - and without those reference points, it felt like the walls around her had all receded into infinity, leaving her standing in a void.

“Nothing,” Emma replied. Her voice sounded like it was coming from very far away.

“That’s right,” Amara said. “There’s nothing. Where are you? Where are you, that there’s nothing?”

It took Emma a long time to answer that question. “I’m… nowhere?”

That didn’t seem right, but it felt right.

“You’re nowhere,” Amara confirmed for her. Amara’s voice seemed to be coming from everywhere at once, and unlike Emma’s, it was intimate and close. “And all this nowhere? All this nothing? It’s all inside your head.”

“Yeah…” Emma breathed. She felt so much more empty.

“There’s nothing inside your head.”

“Nothing… inside my head…” Emma echoed dreamily.

“And when you’re nothing and nowhere,” Amara continued, “there’s no up.”

She used her hand to tilt Emma’s head upwards. The sensation of her orientation changing was disorienting, but strangely, Emma didn’t feel dizzy. She had Amara. Amara was her anchor.

“There’s no down.” Amara tilted her head down. “There’s no left. There’s no right.”

As Amara moved Emma’s head around, Emma was haunted by the phantom sensation that she was spinning, even though she knew she wasn’t. She was standing still, in place. But the spinning wouldn’t stop.

“And if there’s nothing,” Amara went on, “if you’re nowhere, then there’s nothing beneath your feet at all, is there?”

“N-no,” Emma whispered.

The void was deepening. Maybe she was spinning after all. She didn’t know. She couldn’t tell. There was nothing.

“And that means,” Amara concluded, “there’s nothing to stop your fall.”

Before Emma could comprehend the meaning of her words, she felt Amara rest a hand on her chest and push. Hard.

Emma fell backward, far too disoriented to catch herself. She was nowhere and nothing. She was spinning, and there was nothing beneath her feet. Nothing to catch her fall. Even as her brain screamed at her that she was falling, Emma turned as limp as a rag doll. To her, she was simply falling into a void, and the void went on forever and ever.

She never hit the ground. Amara was right there to catch her, wrapping up the journalist in her powerful arms and supporting her entire weight. But for Emma, the sensation of falling never stopped. It went on and on. There was no end to it. Nothing. She simply kept sinking.

Carefully, Amara tipped her back upright. Emma found her footing again, but only by instinct. Her head was blank.

“Open your eyes,” Amara instructed.

Emma obeyed, blinking a few times as she was dazzled by the sudden brightness. Having her eyes open did nothing to stop the sensation of infinite falling. Her vision was strangely distorted; it was like she was looking at Amara from down a very long telescope. Everything besides the personal trainer was indistinct; out of focus.

“You know that you’re completely hypnotized now,” Amara told her. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” Emma answered. An electric shiver raced down her spine.

“Good.” Amara was smiling. “This is what falling feels like, Emma. Falling into trance. I want you to memorize it for me. And whenever I tell you to ‘fall’, it’ll all come rushing back. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good girl.” Amara clapped her hands together sharply. “OK, Emma. Time for our interview.”

Emma blinked again, the loud noise helping to shock her back to awareness. But the sensation of falling was still there in the pit of her stomach, and the void that had been all around her was now inside her head. It was all so strange. Could she really interview someone like this?

Amara had said it would help, though. Emma couldn’t muster enough willpower to disagree.

“O-OK.” Emma set her hypnotized mind to the task of trying to come up with a question. “Um…”

“Why not start with something nice and casual?” Amara suggested. “Just to get warmed up.”

“Right.” Emma was grateful for the advice, but she still found herself drawing a blank. Her thoughts were unbelievably sluggish, and the simple knowledge that she was hypnotized right now was a thrilling distraction. “Like… uh…”

Amara laughed gently. “Why don’t you ask me my favorite color?”

As soon as Amara suggested it, it clicked into Emma’s head as the perfect question. “What’s your favorite color?”

Amara tilted her head to one side, amused. “Pink.”

Emma blinked. She’d never seen Amara wear pink; her workout clothes were always black. “Really? I’m surprised.”

“Pink is just such a lovely, bright color,” Amara explained. “I love looking at it. Don’t you? Doesn’t it just make you feel happy? Bubbly? Full of energy? It’s perfect for working out.”

Emma nodded, eagerly absorbing Amara’s words. Clearly, she had been right about hypnosis. Concentrating on what Amara told her was proving effortless.

“Just look at you, in those pink clothes,” Amara added. “You seem a lot happier whenever you put those on. It puts a smile on your face. Maybe even makes you a little giggly. Pink is great.”

Again, Emma nodded. She felt like she knew exactly what Amara was talking about.

“How about you?” Amara asked. “Got a favorite color?”

Emma was surprised by the question. She’d never really thought about it before. But one obvious answer came immediately to mind.

“Pink,” Emma replied, still in that distant, vacant tone of voice.

Pink made her happy. Pink made her bubbly. Pink made her full of energy. It made her smile and giggle.

“Oh?” Amara cocked an eyebrow. “Guess I nailed it with your workout gear. Looks like we won’t need to find you anything else after all.”

“Right,” Emma agreed. Pink was perfect. Why would she need an outfit that wasn’t pink?

“Next question?” Amara prompted.

“Yeah.” This time, Emma tried her hardest to come up with something. She couldn’t let Amara give her all the questions. That would be embarrassing. “Um… what… what do you like so much about exercise?”

It was lame, she knew. Another softball. But better than nothing.

“That’s easy,” Amara answered. “There’s so much to love about it. It’s good for you, right? Exercise is very healthy, and I love feeling healthy. Who wouldn’t? Who doesn’t love knowing that they’re giving their body the best? Not just exercise - diet, too.”

That made perfect sense. Emma nodded.

“Just look at you, for example,” Amara went on. “I can tell how much better you feel, now that you’ve been living a healthier lifestyle. I’m sure you can too, deep down. Regular exercise, better meals… it’s honestly a little bit addictive.”

Her words struck a chord with Emma. It was like she couldn’t even imagine Amara being wrong. She could feel it too. Addictive.

“And the raw sensation of exercise? That’s definitely addictive,” Amara added. “It’s physiological. All those endorphins, bubbling up in your brain while you work out. I just can’t get enough of it.”

Emma nodded eagerly. She’d noticed that as well.

“It makes it so easy not to think. Overthinking is such a problem, isn’t it?” Emma nodded emphatically at that. “It’s so hard to ever truly shut our brains off. Thinking too much causes so much anxiety. So many problems. Sometimes, it’s nice to make ourselves dumb instead.”

Emma shivered. Something about the word ‘dumb’ echoed deliciously through her body.

“I can imagine it’s the same for you,” Amara suggested. “It must be nice for a brainy journalist like you to stop thinking for a change.”

“Oh yeah,” Emma replied, with genuine enthusiasm. “It’s… it’s nice to be dumb.”

“Yeah?” Amara’s smile curled. “You like getting dumber?”

“Getting dumber feels good.” The words came to Emma’s lips effortlessly, like a mantra. And there it was again - that delicious shiver.

She was starting to love being hypnotized. After all, hypnosis made her dumber.

“Good.” Amara laughed gently. “But that’s not all, you know. I also love the attention.”

Emma’s ears perked up. “The attention?”

Amara nodded. “Absolutely. Working out gets you a lot of attention. Who doesn’t love a girl who’s in good shape?”

She flexed slightly, demonstrating. Emma’s eyes widened.

“But,” Amara added, like it was an afterthought, “you must already know all about that.”

Emma was sure she didn’t. “What do you mean?”

“You love attention, don’t you?” Amara said. “After all, you’re a journalist. Journalism is all about being in the public eye, right? Getting readers? Making big headlines?”

“I… guess.” Emma had never thought about it that way before, but she supposed Amara had a point. It did always feel good when one of her stories broke big. It was rewarding. “Yeah.”

“It’s natural,” Amara affirmed. “Attention feels good.”

“Yeah.” Emma was quickly growing more comfortable with that.

“You love attention.”

“Y-yeah,” Emma conceded. “I love attention.”

That brought forth another shiver of excitement. She was discovering so many new things to love recently.

“And exercising is a great way to get it.” Amara shrugged. “Well, there you have it, Emma. That’s why I love working out. Health, attention, and getting to dumb down a little.” She grinned. “I’m sensing you get what I’m talking about.”

Emma did. She really did. She understood Amara perfectly.

“Anyway, that’s probably enough warm-up,” Amara said. “How about you ask me one of your real questions, Emma?”

“O-oh! Um. Right.”

Emma frowned. Despite how focused she felt, she was still having trouble remembering what she was supposed to be asking Amara. Her head was swimming with fantasies and thoughts - about exercise, attention, hypnosis, and so much more. Her investigation was starting to feel like a distant priority.

Her investigation. It came back to her in a rush. Emma decided to go for the big question, now that she had hypnosis helping to sharpen her mind.

“I… I think that some personal trainers are exploiting people using hypnosis,” Emma said slowly. She needed to get this right - even if she still felt like she was falling. “Using the pretext of exercise to turn them into perfect, brainwashed slaves for whoever is truly controlling them. Amara, have you ever mind-controlled someone against their will like that?”

She wasn’t expecting Amara to admit to anything, just hoping that she might volunteer some information, or give something away in how she reacted. The last thing Emma had expected was for Amara to answer:

“Yes. I’m doing it to you, right now.”

Emma twitched, alarmed. “E… excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Amara sounded deadly serious.

“That’s… that’s funny.” Emma giggled nervously.

“I’m not joking,” Amara insisted. “I’m brainwashing you against your will, right now.”

A shiver of danger raced down Emma’s spine. The sensation of falling that she was still feeling in the pit of her stomach turned much worse, and her head was throbbing with sudden vertigo.

“But…” Emma said, frowning. “You asked. I… I let you.”

“Yes,” Amara replied calmly. “That’s what you think. Because I made sure you’d think that way.”

“B… but…”

Emma felt like the floor was once again collapsing beneath her feet. She wanted to argue, but her thoughts kept turning back to one, deeply troubling question:

If Amara was telling the truth, how would she even know?

And the worst part was, she couldn’t run. She couldn’t fight. She couldn’t assert control.

She was hypnotized.

She was so deeply focused that all she could do was stare at Amara, dumbfounded, as Amara continued to reshape her reality.

“Fortunately,” Amara continued, “you don’t need to worry about it. Because you don’t really care.”

Emma frowned. How could Amara say that? Of course she cared! This was exactly the kind of thing her work was devoted to.

Amara noticed the way Emma was starting to twitch and shiver. “Calm down,” the personal trainer said soothingly. “Remember, Emma. This is just an interview.”

Somehow, that made perfect sense to Emma, and she was instantly calm. The obvious, glaring contradiction in her circumstances and her reactions didn’t even register with her.

“Right.” She replied dumbly. “Just an interview.”

Of course. She’d carried out hundreds of interviews. What was there to be so worked up about?

“Just an interview,” Amara repeated. “You know how interviews work, right? You ask the questions. I give you the answers.”

“Right,” Emma said again. It was obvious, when Amara explained it to her like that.

“I just gave you an answer,” Amara explained slowly. “Would you like to ask me a question about it?”

“Uh…” It took Emma a long moment to think of something. Even the events of a minute or two ago were becoming foggy. “Yeah. Yes. Um… why… why don’t I care?”

It felt like a very strange question. But it was the only one that seemed to fit, given the answer Amara had supplied her with.

“Well, let’s see,” Amara replied, smirking. “You told me that you came here for your investigation, but that was a week ago, and you keep coming back. You don’t seem to do a whole lot of journalism with me. You just spend most of your time here working out. Isn’t that right?”

Emma mentally reviewed their last few sessions. It was. “Yeah.”

“That’s where all your time and effort is going.” Amara nodded. “Working out. So, isn’t that what you’re really here for?”

Emma’s brow twitched, but Amara’s logic was undeniable. Or at least, she couldn’t make herself think quickly enough to find fault with it. “Yeah…”

“You’re really here to work out,” Amara affirmed, cementing that thought into Emma’s mind. “Not for your investigation.”

“Y-yeah…” Emma agreed, with only slight reluctance.

“So,” Amara concluded. “You care about working out. Not about your investigation. Not about your journalism.”

“I…” That was a harder pill to swallow. Emma’s head started to turn from side to side in instinctive denial. “I… don’t…”

“Relax, Emma,” Amara chided. “Remember. It’s just an interview. Relax, and fall.”

Emma fell. Emma was always falling, and once again, she was still.

“If you cared so much,” Amara told her, “wouldn’t you spend all your time interviewing me, instead of working out?”

“Yeah…” Emma agreed dreamily. It was so easy to accept what Amara told her. Much easier than thinking for herself. Hypnosis made her too dumb to think, and she was so deeply hypnotized.

“So,” Amara pressed. “You don’t care.”

“I… don’t… care.”

Hairs raised on the back of Emma’s neck as she finally agreed, warning her of the danger. But moments later, she felt amazingly free. It was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She didn’t care.

“You don’t care about your investigation,” Amara repeated. “Not compared to working out, anyway.”

Emma nodded. It was getting easier to accept with each passing moment.

“And that’s why you don’t need to worry about being hypnotized,” Amara concluded. “About being brainwashed. It doesn’t matter to your investigation. You care about working out. And hypnosis is very, very good for helping you to work out.”

“Right,” Emma agreed. It all seemed so much simpler now, and she was grateful to Amara for explaining it to her. She was learning so much from this interview.

“Speaking of which,” Amara said, grinning. “I think it’s about time we get to the real reason you’re here.”

She reached up and clapped her hands together in front of Emma’s face. To the hypnotized journalist, the sharp, loud sound was like a thunderbolt, jolting her back to awareness. Immediately, the details of the conversation she and Amara had been having started to recede from memory - but that bubbly new lightness remained.

Emma didn’t care. She was just here to work out! It was such a relief.

“So how was hypnosis?” Amara asked.

“Great!” Emma replied brightly. She didn’t remember much of their interview, but that wasn’t very important.

Hypnosis was good for working out. And hypnosis made her dumber. And getting dumber felt good.

“Glad to hear it,” Amara said. “Ready to get down to business?”

Emma nodded. This was what she was here for. Her pretty, pink outfit was filling her with energy, and the knowledge of how healthy she was being put an extra spring in her step. She loved working out.

Especially because each exercise left her just a little bit dumber.

“Well, before we get started, I have an idea,” Amara said. “You’ve got your phone, right?”

“Sure.” Emma slipped her phone out of one of her pockets, before giggling absently. “I… don’t know why.”

She had a strange feeling that she’d brought her phone here to take notes on her interview with Amara, but that seemed silly. The interview wasn’t important. She was here to work out.

“Fortunately, I do,” Amara laughed. “Do you have an Instagram account?”

Emma nodded. She’d started it for her work, although it had more or less fallen into disuse. Which made sense, since she didn’t really care about her work very much.

“Time to put it to good use!” Amara mimed holding up a phone to take a high-angle selfie. “You love attention, right? Show your fans a nice peace sign!”

***

A couple of weeks later, Emma was in Mel’s apartment, working out. That was nothing unusual. Emma had ended up practically moving in with her best friend. It seemed to make sense - Mel had the space, enjoyed her company, and Emma was already obligated to be there every evening for dinner. Why bother heading back to her own place each night?

The exercise was normal too, now. Emma’s thrice-weekly sessions with Amara were no longer enough. Not even close. Working out had become an obsession for Emma, and accordingly, she had taken up jogging, bought an exercise mat and a set of home dumbbells, and had a whole series of exercise routines she kept to diligently, morning and night.

Working out was her calling. Emma understood that now. It felt good, on so many levels. Better than her old work ever had. These days, she barely even thought about journalism.

“Emma!” Mel called out, from the kitchen. “Food’s ready, babe!”

Emma quickly finished up her set and headed over to the dining table, where Mel was serving up a meal of grilled chicken breasts, lentils, and some green vegetables. Fortunately for her, Mel seemed more than happy to cater to her newfound love of health foods.

As Emma sat down, she whipped out her phone and took a couple of quick pics of her meal. They’d go down great on her Instagram. Emma’s socials had really been blowing up, ever since she started posting about her fitness journey. Making connections with other, similarly-minded girls was so much more fun than all the boring, serious stuff she’d been using social media for before.

“Um… hey, Emma?” Mel called out. “Earth to Emma? Your food’s gonna get cold.”

“Oops!” Emma giggled, putting down her phone.

She’d been distracted, checking on the comments and views on the pre-workout selfie she’d posted earlier. It was funny; Emma had never really used Instagram much before, but now, she constantly caught herself scrolling for hours and hours, hopelessly lost in the thrill of all that attention.

Emma loved attention.

“Emma, are you doing OK?” Mel asked. Emma realized her friend was staring at her with concern in her eyes.

“Sure!” she replied brightly. “Don’t I look like I’m doing good?”

Mel nodded. Emma knew there was no disputing that. She was in the best shape of her life. Thanks to all that exercise, her body had become sleek and toned, shedding all the puppy fat she’d been carrying around before. She was starting to look like a model.

“I just…” Mel pressed hesitantly. “You seem a little… distracted lately.”

Emma giggled again. “I guess.”

It was hard to deny, but Emma wasn’t troubled by it. She felt great.

Mel wasn’t to be dissuaded by Emma’s upbeat mood. “Hey so, how’s your investigation going?”

“Uh…” Emma blinked. “My… investigation?”

“You know, that fitness piece,” Mel prompted. “Abuses of hypnosis. Stuff like that.”

“Oh!” Emma giggled. She hadn’t so much as thought about it in days. “I guess it’s… like… what do you call it? On the back burner!”

“I see.” Mel tilted her head, staring at Emma intently. “I’m surprised. You seemed so passionate about it!”

“I guess.” In truth, Emma barely even remembered. “But, like, priorities change. I figured you’d be totally pleased! You were telling me to take a break.”

“True,” Mel conceded. “I’m glad you’re taking some time off, babe.”

“Uh-huh!” Emma agreed. “Anyway, I think I was kinda wrong about some stuff.”

“Yeah?”

“I was soooo worried about hypnosis.” Emma giggled. “But now I, like, know better! Hypnosis is great.”

Hypnosis made her dumber, and getting dumber felt good.

“Right…” Mel said pensively. There was an odd look on her face. “I… you’ll still be careful, right? People still know you as a serious journalist. I really wouldn’t want someone, um, taking advantage. Say, when you’re out jogging, or on your way to Amara’s.”

Emma just giggled yet again. “You worry so much!”

“I guess I do, babe, when it’s about you.” Mel’s face relaxed into a smile. “Anyway, I’m glad to have you around more often. It’s nice. And I sure don’t mind the view.”

Mel winked, and Emma dissolved into yet more giggling. She knew what Mel was alluding to. Her dress sense had certainly taken a turn. She was currently wearing a pink sports bra, and a pair of pink and white dolphin shorts - and that was it. Nothing else.

All the better to get the kind of attention Emma craved. It was the same reason she’d started getting serious about makeup. Whatever made her Instagram selfies blow up harder.

And of course, attention from Mel was nice too. Very nice.

“O-K!” Emma chanted as she finished her meal, before bouncing up out of her seat. “I’m gonna get ready to take another jog around the block. I’ve still got, like, a little more energy to burn off.”

“Sure thing, babe,” Mel replied. “Just… remember what I said, alright? Be careful.”

Emma giggled. “You got it, bestie!”

She could tell Mel was worried, but she wasn’t really sure why. As far as she was concerned, it was all very simple.

Exercise felt good. Exercise got her attention. And exercise made her dumber.

Getting dumber felt good.

It was as simple as that.

What was there to worry about?

***

“Four!” Emma chanted, counting her sit-ups as sweat dripped from her brow to stain the pink exercise mat underneath her. “Five! Six! S… s… um…”

“Seven,” Amara reminded her, smirking.

“Right.” Emma giggled. She was turning into such an airhead. “Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten!”

“Alright!” Amara reached down to help haul Emma to her feet. “Great session today. Good job.”

“Yay!” Emma bounced in celebration, before reaching for her water bottle and taking a nice, big mouthful. As she did, she looked at herself in one of the mirrors lining the walls of Amara’s home gym - and liked what she saw.

After weeks of healthy living, she’d decided it was time for a small makeover. Emma had gone blonde, and she loved it. She’d been buying lots of new clothes, too. All pink, of course. Nice, bright colors like pink and blonde were perfect for her new mindset. And accessories like her pink water bottle and pink hairband really helped with her Instagram engagement.

Emma was rapidly becoming a social media diva. She just couldn’t help it. She loved the attention.

For that matter, she could see Amara checking her out in the mirror too. That made Emma giggle and preen. She loved all kinds of attention, and she knew lots of girls who loved her new, athletic body.

It was kind of a shame that Amara seemed reluctant to put the moves on her. The tall, buff personal trainer was incredibly hot, and Emma’s sex drive had been through the roof lately.

“OK!” Amara announced. “Let’s do a quick breathing exercise to cool down.”

“Sure!” Emma replied brightly. She was up for anything, and she knew what breathing exercises meant.

Hypnosis.

“Emma,” Amara said slowly. “Fall.”

Emma’s eyes fluttered as she let the bliss of trance take her. It was such a thrill, knowing that one little word from Amara was all it took nowadays.

Emma loved hypnosis. Hypnosis made her dumber.

“I want you to take some deep breaths for me, Emma,” Amara began. “And as you do, feel your heartbeat gradually returning to its steady, normal rhythm.”

Emma nodded sleepily. She was already so deep. All of this was completely familiar; they did it at the end of every workout session now.

“Now,” Amara continued, after a few moments, “I want you to take an extra-deep breath for me. And as you do, I want you to think about all the things that have been distracting you from your work-out goals over the past few days. Whatever those might be - stray thoughts, random pieces of information, unhelpful memories - I want you to feel them all gathering up in your chest as you inhale.”

Emma nodded again. This, too, was a familiar exercise. At the end of all their workouts, Amara helped her to forget things. This time, a whole bunch of old memories came to mind; for some reason, Emma kept catching herself reminiscing about high-school English class. She’d read so many books back then! Books with big, long words she didn’t understand anymore. She gathered up a bunch of thoughts about politics, too. It was annoying how they buzzed around in her mind whenever she caught the news.

“And now, breathe out,” Amara instructed. “And as you do, imagine all of those thoughts that you’ve been gathering up being pushed out of your body. Imagine them blowing out of your lips, and feel them slip out of your mind at the same time.”

Emma breathed out, and all those thoughts and memories left her, turning into nothing more than thin air.

She sighed happily and giggled a few times. She loved getting dumber like that. It made it so much easier to focus on working out! Plus, the way Amara used hypnosis for it was so hot. It was like one of her naughty little fantasies come to life.

Emma felt like, maybe, a long time ago, something about that might have bothered her. But at this point, she really couldn’t remember.

And she liked it that way.

Amara clapped her hands to wake Emma out of trance. “Perfect,” the personal trainer said. “I think we’re done for the day. Unless you want to ask me any more questions, that is.”

Emma tilted her head to one side, curious. “Um… questions?”

“You know,” Amara prompted, “for your investigation.”

Dumbfounded, Emma simply blinked. “What investigation?”

A grin slowly crept across Amara’s face. “Actually, don’t worry about it.”

“OK!” Emma accepted that at once. She loved not worrying about things.

As Amara watched the former journalist gather up her stuff, she reached for her phone. It was time. Emma was absolutely perfect. Amara sent one, simple, fateful message to her employer.

She’s ready.

---

I would like to express my gratitude for the generosity of  all those who  support me on Patreon, and to give a special thanks to  the following  patrons in particular for their exceptional support:

Artemis, Chloe, J, Secret Subject, Kathryn, Lucy, Dex, orangesya, Red, dmtph, Ember, Seph, MegatronTarantulas, Vanessa, Matt, Jeremy, Mattilda, Emily, William, ntad, Flluffie, Scarlett, Silgon, The Flock, ourladyoflilacs, Luna, Abigail, steb, Hypnogirl_Stephanie_, nicholas, Sue, Alan_, mintyasleep, Noelle, Lavender, Madness, Michael, Tasteful Ardour, Michael, Matthew, Full Blown Marxism, Anonymous, GrillFan65, Huge_Nerd, ZephanyZephZeph, Tram345, 8947jts, Chris, Breadloaf, Kyle, Emma, Jack the Monkey, Paul, Willow, Shadows exile, Drone 8315, Matthew, Alex, Madness, Sam, Selina, Daniel, Bubble_Butt, Francesca, WhyamIhere, John, Sarah, Crittergang, Setcab, Erin, Elysium, Bacon Man, Flintnsteal, JessieGinger, Arik, John, bluaph, Alexander, Kyle, Morriel, Jack the Monkey, Sola, NewtypeWoman, Envy, hellenberg, shoktherapy, L, Jim, Black Star, Kay, Michael, strange item, John, Praxis Memetics LLC, Frank, William, Olives, Christopher, Queenfisher, Charlotte, Faun, Riley, Brinn, Brendon, B, Jackson, Kyle, Dennis, Nandi, Jeff, Sanya, David, Morder, Myles_EXVS, Jade, Skylar, Foridin, gabbermoth, Jennifer, Selina, Jonas, Violet, Slifer274, paxDulcetGirl, Roxxie, Hal, Devi, Phoenix, Laurel, Kyle, Ivy, Jim, Michael, Bryan, Joseph, June, Yaoups

Finally, special thanks to ntad for commissioning this story!

[yexiwuu]

230703 - 230704 Chuu Weverse DMs Translations

may contain inaccuracies please credit @yexiwuu when reposting!

Full translation under the cut

3:44 PM KST

y/n!

y/n i missed you

i wanted to send a message at exactly 2 pm but i was working outㅠㅠㅜright now i'm sending it as soon as i've finished (working out)

pretty

y/n, have you eaten well?

i just did pilates

food?💕

i still workout on an empty stomach! i'm gonna go eat laterr

it's so nice 🚰 ·̫ 🚰 thank you so much for congratulating me on having a communications app

i'm going to try to show you all even more events and hold concerts and programs like such on weverse so i really felt like doing weverse

it's a relief that we can both talk like this with each other 🚰 ·̫ 🚰 i'm excited

are you in the middle of working right now ? or studying ? or eating?

ohh, i see 🤤

i just finished working out

i'm going to the dermatologist💕

yes, i am jiwoo ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

i'm not an Ai

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ cute

i can see everyone's nicknames

you're saying my profile picture looks like an AI ㅋㅋㅋ

then i'll change it later ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ so funny

ai can't exactly copy my aegyo down

i think that i already ate all of this summer's watermelon ㅎ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ i'm not an ai, why is this so funny

is it the way i'm talking

no it's not that, i'm a bit shy

i think that i'll only be shy for around a day or two days, right

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ so cute, y/n

i can send pictures in weverse too

please wait just a bit for pictures

because i'm on my way to the dermatologist💕

you miss me?

you missed me, right?

i'm excited!! ! ! !

at having a communication app hahahahahah

y/n

what are you gonna do today?

it's really hot today, too🥵

y/n

i'm gonna be back💕

i love you

be careful of the heat🤓

9:53 PM KST

y/n!!!

i missed y/n but i just went to go eat shabu shabu with haseul unnie

we are currently on our way to eat bingsu

i just met up with her in the spur of the moment

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

as soon as my dermatologist appointment ended!

so i wanted to talk to y/n, but i wasn't able to do so quickly

even then, you understand, right?😍🤤💕

i'll send a picture of the bingsu 💕

it's gonna send soon!

injeolmi💕💕💕

the shabu shabu was really tasty!!!

[pic 1] ta-da💕

we are in a bingsu restaurant right now ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ the shabu shabu restaurant was earlier!

230704 1:04 AM KST

y/n wyd!?

did you fall asleep after a meaningful day ??

huh, you're not sleeping !!!!!!!!! ! ! !@y/n y/n y/n y/n !!!!!!! ! ! ! y/n y/n y/n

haseul unnie just dropped me off home

😍🤤💕

y/n !!!!!!!!!

it was a perfect day to eat fully with haseul unnie until ! dessert

these days, i have been eating lots of healthy foods so i vented to unnie

heheheheheh

we chatted at the cafe until just now!

what i ate was shabu shabu/ injeolmi bingsu

is tomorrow's schedule okay?! i didn't wake you up when you were sleeping, right? did i?!

then tomorrow, i'll send a morning message for y/n💕

y/n wyd tomorrow!!!!

i'm practicing for something tomorrow! song practice!

i'm gonna go get ready to sleep and go wash up! 🙆🏻‍♀️💕

no way!ㅎ i wonder what it'll be

🥰

i'm also looking forward to it💕

i feel reaaalllyyy good this week👑💕 even though it's hot, somehow i've been feeling really good these days

i would like it if y/n feels good everyday, too

since it's rainy season now! y/n be careful of not slipping in the rain🫨

that's right, it's nice to share warm things with each other now that i have a communication app again 🤤💕 i wonder how long you must've waited

😍

i'm thinking about what to change my profile picture so i must change it ? tomorrow

huh i can't seem to send personal messages here! 🤔

i'm going to change my pfp to a totally cute picture · ᴗ ·

💕

even then, i see everything and i look at every one with the exact same love💕

i'm looking to find any selfies i have left but really i need to take lots of selfies so i should dress up a bit ㅠ

i haven't been able to take any besides for my schedulesㅜㅜ

wait for my daily life selfies🥨

i'm gonna go wash up💕

if you're going to sleep, sleep🌸💕🍓🤩

if you're going to sleep, sleep tightly

2:26 AM KST

ah what should i do, i came by really late..ㅠ you must be sleeping tightly, right?

i put on lotion and suddenly cleaned my bathroom too

i dried my hair too!

omg you were waiting for me!?🙄💕

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ i think you all waiting for me made me feel all mushy mushy so

you're cute

you usually sleep late?

hehe i feel like my days and nights have changed

that's right 🚰 ·̫ 🚰 i have to change my time difference again

[pic 2]

actually i was going to send a picture of my face

[pic 3]

good night

but still you all waited for me

🤤🤤🤤

good night🥰🍓

thank you for hanging out with me ! ! !

hehe goodnight 💓

y/n

dream of me

have a good day or have a good night💕

i'll dream of y/n

END

[afawnsdiary]

Gym Day 1

went pretty awesome. I only had three hours of sleep last night, was sick to my stomach when I eventually got up and was ready to skip. But after dog walkies and the sweetest mood boosting message on here I told myself: Just show up. You can leave mid workout if you feel awful. But show up.

And so I did! And I finished the whole session 🥳 Soproudomg.

Still I was kinda shocked though. I thought when I go early, the gym won’t be as crowded. Yeah I was totally wrong. Showed up at 6.20 am and the gym was full. Literally full lmao. So tomorrow I will try to go an hour earlier. Or later but that will be stressful in the long run.

However I then learned that it’s only so crowded at the moment because their other studio is getting a renovation so everyone comes here now. What a timing for signing up..

For the record: Of course I embarrassed myself. Twice. 🙈🤣

And once again I realized men in the gym are so much nicer than women. I will never understand this.

Things I learned:

1. 1 liter of water is not enough

2. The workout itself might be 30min but you will spend an hour in the gym anyways

3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. They love to

4. The lady gym sucks (it’s barely bigger than my living room)

One bad thing happened today though. I tore my leggins on my way home 😭 It somehow got stuck on the bike. RIP

Still, looking forward to tomorrow ✌️

[denniezemclyon]

Today is Tuesday and I have done a lot!

The car dealer who i gave my deets to contacted me earlier this morning so I grabbed the oppurtunity to go to them and check the car out! My honest opinion is, "It is not a cool car" but I always deemed Honda as reliable and am quite familiar with Jazz's. Tried to test drive it but because I am a learner, one of the guys, Mike, drove the car with me as I asked him to gom to our so tht I can show my fam the car. They all saw the car, even Mammoo, and they kinda liked it. We all had the same thought, it was kinda small but it'll do for our first family car. It'll have to do for now because I can't wait to do more things and I am so impatient as I constantly feel that time is of the essence these days. I want to get so many things done, which by the way I am. Plus the way I manage my stress levels is far better than the last couple months. Going back to the car, it's got a sunroof tho. So, we're quite happy. We have to, we've already made a commitment and deposited £300. But again, it will have to do. For now.

Went to Tita Jac's and searched for quotes which always takes time. Both the online searching and spending time at Tita's house. I am always thankful tho. No matter how it goes, Tita is always one of the people who stood by us and still does. Also, got printed labels for me to return the parts I bought off of ebay for my bike as it didn't fit.

After that, spent the rest of the day with rigorous messages, emails and conversations. Time check is 21:43 and I am starting yawn continously. My body is tired and is asking for rest but my mind is still hectic.

I wanna start blogging cos I need to offload stuff. This way I can do that and track my past, reflect and learn from them in the future.

My fam still is suffering from yesterday's backlash, no matter how small and how we laugh it off. Critisms from people, from family friends who know our situation better than anyone. I get to talk to my personal friends and appreciate them more. I somehow think in this situation, we value friendships because on how they can be of use to us when we need something. So, it got me into thinking. Maybe. But I've already made up my mind as I wrote the fundraiser campaign. One day I want to give back. So, no matter how hypocrite I believe my thoughts are, that's okay. Also, I wouldn't wanna believe that I am trying to compensate for it by wanting to give more back.

It made me become more grateful on how blessed I am to have all these people I can call friends. No matter what level of friendship it may be. I am just so glad. And can feel the love. One day I hope I can make them feel tenfold. As it has helped the morale inside the house by a lot.

Anyways, I need to develope a routine and set of times. Deprive myself of gadgets a scheduled time and start to wind down so I can wake up tomorow, do my morning routine workout then go into deep work and also plan rests in between. Note: I also made my brother stop by 10pm. And he did. Right now. Time check 21:54

All in all, today was a very productive day and I am proud of the things I have done!

[ngititayokaibigan]

STRAWBERRY LEMONADE

"Ang blooming mo ngayon", says my tribemate as he enters my car. Instead of saying thank you right away, nagreact ako in a way na parang hindi ko tanggap sa sarili ko na blooming ako. Hahaha! Or kasi, hindi ako sanay na nasasabihan ng compliments.

Ewan ko ba. Nahihiya ata ako pag may natatanggap akong compliment. I remember in 2013 during my training as an abacus teacher, nasabihan ako na parang hirap na hirap ako mag bitiw ng "thank you" pag pinupuri. I really don't know pero siguro dala ng hiya. Hindi naman mababa ang tingin ko sa sarili ko pero I admit having insecurities. Maybe the insecurities I have are the reason why it's hard for me sometimes to appreciate compliments.

But I am slowly changing it. Two Sundays ago, I was approached by a female stranger after mass saying na ang ganda daw ng boses ko at dapat sumali ako sa choir. I immediately said "salamat po". And then last Sunday ganun din. I was approached by a male stranger with his wife saying the same thing. Ganda daw ng boses ko at dapat nasa choir loft daw ako at kasali sa kumakanta. I said thank you. It feels good being complimented by strangers. At yun na nga ata ang sign para bumalik ako sa choir. Hahaha!

So kanina hindi ako nakapag thank you sa blooming thing. Siguro kung stranger siya, nag thank you ako agad. Nalibre tuloy ako ng strawberry lemonade drink ng wala sa oras. I am not used to this! Haha! Pero thank you, Nats.

I went to UP Diliman earlier as planned to meet my cousin to get the laptop that I asked from his dad. I thought of meeting my tribemate kasi wala lang. Haha! He's working there kaya why not have a little catch up thing. So after finalizing my plan with my cousin, I PMed him saying na I will be around UP nga and maybe he wants to meet with me din to eat somewhere since nung retreat pa lang napag-uusapan na namin ang mga go-to restaurants around the area na masarap kainan since we both love food. Haha! A week after our retreat we visited Gubat in CP Garcia together with another tribemate. Hindi na nasundan yun so good thing natuloy kami kanina kahit super biglaan lang ng plano. He suggested to go to Area 2 to try Malysian food pero unfortunately, buttered chicken lang ang available kaya yun na lang kinain namin. Thanks to him for supporting my diet somehow, he ate most of my rice. Tapos he asked if I wanted to drink some coffee but I declined kasi matagal na ko umiiwas sa kape. Plus, habang papunta kami dun sa kainan bigla niyang sinabi na may meeting siya at 3pm eh 2:40pm kakatapos lang namin kumain. Before leaving the place sabi niya na ililibre niya ko ng drink. I declined kasi nahihiya ako but he really insisted. Pumunta kami sa nearby cafe and ordered the same drink. Nasa isip ko pa lang yung order ko tapos yun yung inorder niya for him. So sabi ko "uy pareho tayo"! Ayun, we planned to go there again to try other drinks plus their croissants. Sabi ko pa next time kung kakain kami dun I'll make sure na hindi pa ko kumakain or after ng workout ko para sulit kumain. It started raining so right after we got our drinks, nagmadali na ko to drop him sa office niya kasi malapit na din dun yung area kung san kami magkikita ng pinsan ko. I just waited mga 30 minutes sa car then ayun.

So bad we haven't taken any pictures. No picture with my friend and no picture with my cousin. Kainis! But yeah, malapit lang naman sila sa'kin so madali na lang yayain.

A post that supposedly be about receiving compliments but ended up with what my day went.

[acteur-dramatique]

Chapter Fifteen: Realizations

As TJ rode the elevator up to his floor, he felt the calm he’d gathered from his walk slowly slipping away, his mind churning with questions he wasn’t yet ready to answer. The soft hum of the elevator and the faint buzz of the fluorescent lights overhead did little to soothe him, and his heart pounded in anticipation, though he wasn’t sure why.

When the elevator doors slid open with a soft chime, TJ took a step forward, only to collide straight into someone’s chest. He stumbled, but a pair of strong hands steadied him, preventing him from falling. As he looked up, he found himself face-to-face with Chase, his heart skipping a beat.

“Whoa there, easy,” Chase said, grinning, his hands still holding TJ’s arms as he steadied him.

TJ’s mind went blank. Chase’s blue eyes were close—so close—and shining with that friendly warmth that TJ had come to recognize, though there was a flicker of confusion in them now. Chase’s mouth quirked into a small smile, and TJ’s gaze involuntarily flicked to his lips, then quickly away, his cheeks heating with embarrassment.

“Uh—sorry,” TJ managed, forcing the words out as he felt a blush spread across his face.

Chase gave him a puzzled look, tilting his head slightly in that way that TJ had already come to find endearing. “No problem, man. You good?”

TJ stammered something unintelligible, then quickly sidestepped Chase and darted down the hallway. He could feel Chase’s gaze on him as he hurried to his door, his heart hammering in his chest. Way to act like a total idiot, he chided himself as he unlocked the door and slipped inside.

He shut the door behind him, resting his back against it, letting out a shaky breath. He couldn’t ignore it any longer—the butterflies in his stomach, the way his pulse raced whenever Chase was nearby, the magnetic pull that seemed to draw him in. He had a crush on Chase.

TJ wandered over to his bed and flopped down, staring up at the ceiling as the realization washed over him in waves. Images of Chase filled his mind—his easy, white smile; his perfectly tousled blond hair; those piercing blue eyes that somehow managed to be both friendly and intense. He thought about Chase’s biceps, the way they flexed effortlessly when he moved, his broad chest, even his perfectly toned ass. Every detail made TJ’s heart race just a little bit faster.

He closed his eyes, letting himself imagine what it might be like to be closer to Chase, to share even a small part of the casual confidence Chase seemed to radiate.

A while later, the door swung open, and TJ sat up as Adam walked in, his gym bag slung over one shoulder, a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead. Adam dropped the bag by his bed and grabbed a towel, wiping his face with a satisfied grin.

“Hey, man,” Adam said, tossing the towel aside. “You alright? You look kinda… I don’t know, like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

TJ shook his head, trying to keep his face neutral. “Oh, I’m good. Just… you know, tired from all the walking earlier.” He forced a small laugh, hoping it sounded more convincing than he felt.

Adam gave him a quick, skeptical look but shrugged it off. “Yeah, fair enough. First week’s got us all kinda beat.” He pulled out a water bottle from the mini fridge, chugging it before leaning back on his bed, clearly worn out from his workout.

As Adam lay back and closed his eyes, TJ let out a quiet sigh of relief. He wasn’t ready to share this, not yet—not even with Adam. For now, he’d keep this feeling to himself, letting it simmer quietly in his mind. It was a new, unexpected realization, but as TJ lay there, he felt a flicker of something else, too—a sense of excitement about what might be, even if he didn’t have all the answers just yet.

[tavarillasgalen]

I was thinking about this guy, and you know. When we were talking on the treadmill, it was great. The first week that we were seeing each other, it was great. I felt wanted and he was trying. I was happy and my body felt good.

But it really was that first makeout session when things changed. For both of us, I think. Because I hated it so much, I was like, "ah, this is why people do things before getting into relationships..." and when he was doing things like sticking his tongue in my ear and plunging it down my throat, I literally thought to myself, "what the fuck is going on?"

And then we had that miscommunication over exclusive right after, and yeah, that is what killed it. I went from being excited to see him to kind of dreading it. I went from happy to depressed. I started feeling so bloated all the time. He seemed like he started going to the gym earlier, stopped putting in the effort to plan things, stopped putting in the effort to text as much, and I kind of dreaded the gym, because I didn't want to have to talk to him there, I just wanted to workout.

And I think my body rejected him too in its own way, because I got a yeast infection right after we had sex, but I don't think I noticed it until after the second time, because within hours of the second time, it was burning and hurting down there so much.

Like, I have been so miserable this past month, and these past few days have been awful. But yesterday, I felt okay again for a bit. I felt good, even. Today, I feel okay.

And of course, because he is somehow always at the gym when I am there, I saw him on Sunday, but I kept my head down and didn't say anything. I saw him see me and kind of start in my peripherals, but that was it. I saw him yesterday when I was on the treadmill, and he looped around the long way so that he wouldn't have to pass in front of me and went to a different row on the other end, on the treadmills he hates.

So, that's that. It's over.

It is a relief to know that he'll avoid me too. I was thinking I would have to change my whole gym time, but that time is what worked best for me after trying all the others. But if he isn't going to make it weird, then I can keep my gym time, at least, and yes, it will be awkward, but I'll get over it. People go from people you know back to strangers all the time.

[kalihaze604]

snow day! ❄️

welfare Wednesday/Thursday morning middle of the night catch-up on life blog post:

Met up with a friend on Wednesday morning and went to a thrift store and then tried a coca leaf drink for the first time; a maple cocaccino. It was tasty and it made me feel energized and uplifted for a couple hours. I bought a new winter jacket, a pink blazer that looks like a short wrap trench coat that will look cute for spring/summer with light layers underneath, a pair of comfy pink fleece sweatpants, and a beautiful satin light lemon yellow tank top and a vintage longsleeve shirt with a gorgeous sparkly purple fabric that I intend to redesign and sew into something a little more modern. The fabric is absolutely stunning and the colour and silver sparkle woven through lights up my face beautifully. 

I only spent $100 total which is a fucking steal considering the jacket, blazer and tank top were all brand new Aritzia items and the pants and vintage top were both $7 each. Walking through the snow is definitely a good workout if you didn’t know, but you need to have the right shoes or you’re fucked. I wore a pair of hunter rain boots and they were feeling slippery and tight, not feeling like my feet were gripping the snow properly. Walking is the most underrated exercise - like seriously did you know how much weight I’ve lost by simply just increasing the number of steps I take per day? It’s like the slacker approach to fitness and weight loss. I want to start walking around my neighborhood more when I am not working during the daytime. I want to get out in the world and take in the sights and surroundings instead of being so in my head and glued to my phone and heating pad, laying in bed. I went for a walk in Chinatown after getting the cocaccino with my friend. I had walked in a circle down pender, up main, and back up keefer, and started feeling the most wicked gas in my stomach and intestines. I braced myself and walked home and asked my friend if this was a normal side effect of the coca leaf? She said yes, that it can get things moving. I had ran home because I had formerly had IBS accidents as a symptom of fibro and I knew how scary it was to feel like you’re about to lose control of your bowels in public. I’m also in a state of mild withdrawal as I’ve cut my opiate meds down 75% and 46% in the last month. I ran home as I farted loudly and sat on the toilet and realized it was just a false alarm, it was just some scary gas. I laughed at myself and went back outside and went to walk to a grocery store I mentioned in a previous post but found it was closed due to the snow. I walked back to a grocery shop that I noticed was open that I’d earlier walked by and grabbed a few things but then realized it was cash only and I didn’t have any cash on me. I went to grab cash at an atm, ordered some takeout, and returned and was pleasantly surprised to see that my grocery basket was only $20ish total. I walked back to grab takeout, which was not vegan, as I’m not fully vegan anymore, I would say I’m a flexatarian that just eats whatever my body feels like now. But anyways I walked into vegan supply to get coconut milk for a recipe I was planning on making with a bag of non vegan takeout food, likely smelling offensively like dead animal, and tried to get out of there as fast as possible and escape the manager’s confused facial expression and judgment. Kinda laughing at myself and how awkward that situation made me feel, but at the same time I feel that people have the right to change their diet as they grow and change and it might not always mean eating one way but a learning process. When I was fully vegan, most of the time I was definitely not getting enough nutrients and was eating a lot of “processed vegan junk food” and thinking that was somehow not equivalent to glorified corner store munchies. Because really? When I am eating a vegan copy of a twix bar, called a “no tricks” bar (I like to enjoy them on a night off work) it’s literally still eating a chocolate bar. It’s fooling myself to think that it’s somehow so much better for me because the ingredients might be slightly healthier. Like it’s still a chocolate bar babe not a protein bar?! It’s candy. Just cuz it’s vegan doesn’t make it not candy. 

I went home and ate, put away groceries and laid down to take a nap, as it was still snowing. My room felt cold and I grabbed another blanket and I started feeling sleepy. I napped all afternoon till 9pm and then realized I’d forgot to take my meds earlier and was sweating buckets and shivering from withdrawal. I ate some leftovers and took my meds and stared feeling normal again. I had such a good nap. It felt so nice to rest while it was snowing, knowing there was no point in attempting to go to work or go anywhere or do anything. I had planned to do some more cleaning and maybe some baking on Wednesday afternoon but that’s okay, I can do that today? I’m going to make some weird purple sweet potato brownies. I haven’t baked anything the whole time I’ve lived here. That’s gotta change. I have a mini convection oven that a client bought me when I first moved in. Shoutout to J, who was one of my first outdoor clients to pick me up, but is no longer a part of my life. I’m forever grateful that he bought me literally everything I needed to set up my kitchen here when I first moved in back when I was new to outdoor work. That was legit one of the most underrated but appreciated practical gifts a client had ever given me, knowing I had gone no contact with my parents at that point in time and didn’t have someone to help me with furnishing my place. That was sweet. However it was lovebombing and just a red flag of his Narc personality so he later became pretty problematic. But still legit so helpful because my place required a fancy induction hotplate that was much more expensive than the usual $15 army and navy single burner hotplate special I had become used to with SRO living. He got me an induction hotplate and a mini convection oven plus this huge ass box of dollar store kitchen utensils , there’s no way that I would have been able to buy all that for myself as a babyswer just starting out with no savings. Or I would have rather spent the money at lululemon lab back then and wouldn’t have been as responsible as I am now. I really want to start cooking more and using my kitchen more. Fibro, chronic fatigue and executive dysfunction made cooking and cleaning really hard for the last couple years and I really want to start changing my eating habits and start cooking more for myself and buying takeout and packaged/prepared/processed foods less. The relationship I left made me realize that I’ve been kinda addicted to sugar for awhile but it wasn’t as bad as my former partner who kind of scared me with how much sugar I would see him consume.

[zsuuv139]

rare original content time! and its gonna be me venting

cw: weight "management", weight loss and gain, gynecological issues, doctors, the rona

so either this story starts in my childhood: i've always been a fat girl and have recently discovered that it was basically eating for attention, positive or negative, since i also was a glass child.

or this story starts 3 years ago, with the pandemic. where i gained even more weight. but i also met this guy and he and another friend somewhat motivated me to lose a lot of weight (that i was really happy with and i felt better in my body, happier overall due to exercise). and then last february (2022) not only did i hook up with a guy, i also got myself a nice little BV out of it. and ofc the rona. after the rona cleared up, i went to a gyno who also did an ultrasound and found a cyst. i felt my life implode - i had only heard bad stuff about ovarian cysts.

they told me to not do intense workouts and put me on hormonal birth control. i could barely stand on my 2 legs. and i was depressed as hell. gained a lot of it back. got off the birth control because suddenly the cyst was not on my ovary anymore but somehow adjacent to it and hormones dont help anymore. still couldn't work out.

am also supposed to get an mri that either has a 6 month waitlist or a 100+ usd cost - my monthly pay is about 1k usd so i kinda cant afford it.

i recently took steps toward getting the mri - another gyno visit. now i also have a polycystic ovary (just one of the 2. hormone levels still ok - not pcos).

im also currently getting fired/ laid off and at the time of that appointment, i had just found out and was already exhausted because of multiple failed applications. i was certain that the layoff would happen and was looking and interviewing but got no offers.

when i tried to explain my health situation to my doctor, i ended up crying. she was patient, gave me some paper towels to wipe my face and explained how the procedures were gonna go. i liked the experience overall.

i also gained all the weight i had lost back.

docs want to investigate possible insulin resistance - i got my blood drawn and since then i have a bruise where i was stuck. this has not happened ever before, and i did used to get blood tests for a thyroid issue. im now wondering if this is bc im fat.

went to an endocrinologist - thyroid levels not optimal, and potential insulin resistance that i was hoping they could advise me on.

she calls my name. "how's it going with the weight loss?" i remark that not well.

"do you have endometriosis?"

"im not sure. afaik it needs surgery to be diagnosed and i havent had any surgery in that area. but my periods do hurt like hell and get kinda plentiful, so it wouldnt be a shock."

first few questions go normal, i know my meds, doses, diagnoses. she starts talking about weight loss. i just take it in an "ok im not coming back to her" way. then she starts asking about the cyst. i tell her what i know. she asks "but what does the mri say?" "dunno, they have a 6 month waitlist" "and youre not willing to pay for an emergency?"

now, in her pov, this random fat woman starts crying.

in my pov, all my job hunt stress and worries bubble up - im crying as im typing this ffs, and i do have a job offer currently! i recall how, if i qwere to go on unemployment, i would be eligible for 120 usd a month - i couldn't even pay rent with that! i recall how our transfer within the company was treated - we were told there would be opportunities and we will have to apply, then we applied, got little feedback, and as the other project's start date approached, they started pressuring us (most specifically, me) to do our tests asap and i was literally given 20 minutes on the end of a workweek to decide if i wanted to start on the other project on monday. did not go well.

so i just ended up crying - and angry at myself, since earlier i would just be angry if anything happens, and i was used to working with anger, but i dont know how to deal with crying.

she may have acknowledged that i was crying, saying she knows this situation is not easy but i should do everything to get out of it (no shit).

then, sobbing, i explained that the gyno did not say the mri would be urgent, and she did acknowledge the long waitlist.

doctor goes back to weight loss / eating habits. do i eat dairy? dairy is like fertilizer for the cysts, she says. "i don't drink cows milk. i do like yogurts and cheeses tho." "no, you cannot eat cheese".

what the actual fuck is happening?

she asks me to lay down for an ultrasound of my thyroid (to make sure its all good). i explain that its left side was taken out and on the right, there seems to be just a tiny little lump, and im kinda curious if it grew. should i take off my shirt? nah, just pull the neckline apart.

i would have rather taken it off but k.

she acknowledges that the left lobe is indeed not there, and goes to town with the ultrasound ot see whats up on the remaining right half. kinda hurts but whatever. lets just get this over with.

"how much do ypu weigh?"

"honestly, too much rn"

"100 kg?"

"uhm... [i am above that so i say 5 kg less]"

...

"why did they leave the right lobe?"

fuck knows, lady, it was 10 years ago and im not a doctor. i was an entire child, do you think anyone cared to explain the medical decisions? do you think i understood?

"the theory was that they were hoping it would work at least on its own or that it would make up for the left part"

"well that isnt happening"

"i have noticed. but idk if taking it out now would do any good."

"nah"

tells me i can wipe off the gel and calls me back to her desk while she writes up her report.

tells me that i need a nutritionist for the insulin resistance and refers me to a colleague. then gets back on weight loss.

"the small blob on your thyroid would go away if you managed to lose the weight"

"also don't eat bread. don't have more than 2 slices a day" "i already don't eat bread" "then stop eating pasta."

gurl idk how to tell you but pasta and cheese are the only joy left in my life.

"but you have to go to a specialist. no one can do this alone"

idk how to tell you but im not _paying_ for someone to yell at me to lose weight... i know a lot about diets, nutrition, how a meal should look like, calories, intermittent fasting (btw, have you ever had an endocrinologist recommend intermittent fasting? i heard it was bad for your hormones lol), and i don't want to give like 70 usd for a "specialist" to potentially tell me nothing new. is this arrogant? yes. but again im not rich.

is it cheaper than whatever i would need to do if my body continues to deteriorate? idk. i would have to put it on my goddamn credit card tho.

and then i look on the paper she gave me.

she wrote "emotionally-pshychologically unstable" as a symptom. fuck off the entire way.

i left her office. i cried. i cried some more. i complained to my friends. almost lost it when i couldn't attach a lid on an iced coffee and it spilled on me. i didn't tell my parents because i do not trust them with questions regarding my mental health.

and i read her note about our meet again.

she wrote

"antecedent: right lobectomy.

currently right lobe micronodule"

so that's how doctors listen to fat people.

[notalexhorne]

I have indulged in some extreme retail therapy today, but it was all stuff that was very much needed.

A bunch of new shirts, because I only have three that actually fit me. I have somehow gone from about a 2XL to a medium in about a year, and it truly is uniquely distressing to wear clothes that do not fit you to that extreme

Two "new" pairs of jeans, for the same reason. I say new, because these ones came from Goodwill since I don't want to spend a lot of money on jeans that will probably become too big again in a couple of months, in all reality. Also, nobody makes jeans in my size, and these are about six inches too long, but they were the shortest ones Goodwill had on the rack in my (current) waist size

Three new pairs of trainers. I knew I wanted Vans, because that's pretty much all I wear these days, and I almost got them from Amazon because you can save a lot of money going there instead of directly from the source. But then I realised that 1, you can get customs by buying direct, and I really wanted to get a pair of harlequins and they don't seem to do those stock, and 2, I didn't really trust the ones on Amazon to not be counterfeit, especially with how extreme the markdown is. So I got the harlequin customs, replaced the black and whites that I've completely fucked up, and got a pair of black and navy to kind of bridge the gap between the classic look and completely insane. I figure that as long as I don't fuck these ones up, I shouldn't have to buy new trainers again until I'm about 50 (barring those specifically for working out)

Inserts for all my new shoes, because I like Vans because they are great quality, but they're not necessarily amazingly comfortable to wear off the rack. I also got some inserts for a pair of weird trainers I forgot I had, which I'm going to try using for my walks going forward. I think I forgot about those trainers because they're not very comfortable either, so maybe the inserts will help

Fun new shoelaces for all of the above, because Vans only sells a few boring colours on their website, and even when I was building the customs I didn't like any of the options they had. I always put red laces in my black and whites, but I got a pack of a bunch of wild, assorted colours to play with for everything else to see what looks good

New cases for my watch, also in a variety of colours that I can swap out. The case I got for it when I first bought the watch years ago broke earlier this week. This was both not really surprising, because I got the watch the same day I got the iPhone X, so it's was a very old case. But at the same time, I was suddenly and violently reminded that my watch is not, in fact, black but actually rose gold, the worst of all the Apple colours, and I hate it so much. But it was literally the last watch they had in stock the day I went in, which is how I wound up with it

I'm going to keep the black and whites I fucked up and use them for an extra pair of workout shoes when I use my pedal bike thing. Aside from completely tearing up the heels, they're still in good shape otherwise. And if I just use them to make the pedal bike thing more comfortable to use, it shouldn't matter that they have giant holes in the heels? And that'll keep me from using the new ones for stupid things that might needlessly tear them up too.

[roscoehamiltons]

ate brunch ✔, did a workout ✔ , showered✔ , got my snacks ready ✔ , time to catch up and watch the british GP! 

(all the details i know from what i’ve seen online is who’s on the podium and that there was a safety car involved)

- interesting that george is starting on the softs

- i wish the mclaren chrome cars had less papaya on them; they basically look the same as before when viewing them from the front

- thank god there’s no br*d p*tt in the formation lap like ppl were saying earlier 🙄

- omg lando is leading!!!!

- no lewis losing multiple places!!! 

- oscar did such a good job to keep up

- yesss lewis gaining back a place already, alonso is next!!!

- oh drs is gonna be enabled soon, i’m sure max will pass lando soon then. he already has a less than a second between them

- inch arresting that mclaren is still able to keep up with max 👀 what r they cooking

- easy pass by max, what did i say

- lol at the commentator saying he was surprised that george didn’t complain about charles only for the radio broadcast to show george complaining

- yessss lewis got past alonso, carlos next!

- nyck once again crashing into ppl 😬 luckily nothing major. i don’t particularly care for him but i do have sympathy for his situation and desperate people drive desperately

- charles let’s keep george behind u as long as possible pls

- oh nooooo este retiring!!!! what happened? engine failure?

- r the drops on the visor sweat or rain george?

- oh finally something happening... charles pitting?? ferrari fucking up or no? (probably, because it’s ferrari)

- ah, the commentators are saying charles can’t find much pace in the hards and mercs can do an overcut on charles now so ferrari did indeed fuck up then

- ouch the commentators saying the alfas are not performing well 😔 what i would give for valtteri and guanyu to have a better car

- carlos pitting... let’s see how it goes. hard tires? interesting choice but ig they can’t go on the softs 

- george pitting now. oof a slower pit stop, mercs need to work on that

- i like charles a lot better than george but george did a good job to pass him. gonna give him credit where it’s due, he’s a very good driver. 

- oh kmag’s car is on fire. and there’s the safety car i heard about!

- hm ferrari pitting charles again...and nearly hitting alex in the pitlane smh 🤦‍♀️

- not a terrible pitstop for lewis but slow compared to mclaren

- random but i just remembered that the protestors were threatening to come onto the track for silverstone, i’m glad that they haven’t so far (and probably won’t since i haven’t heard anything about it)

- oop george getting mad about lewis getting ahead. tbh i thought his reaction would’ve been more extreme given the reaction he’s gotten online about it lol but i think one little swear word is fine. also like the commentator said, it’s just how the luck went 🤷‍♀️

- alas i already know the podium order so i know lewis doesn’t get ahead of lando in the end 😔 at least i’m not going to get my hopes up. i say that yet part of me is still holding my breath that he somehow does it as i’m watching the restart and first few corners

- god lewis was so close to passing lando!!! such good racing with both of them. if only the mercedes had better straight line speed, if only they had a better car

- i missed it, did lance not give pierre the place back when he went off track?

- alex passing carlos!!!!!!!! way to go!!!!! alex has been having such a good weekend, i’m so happy and proud of him. and now somehow charles is ahead of carlos now too 🤭

- oof carlos driving desperate now. he’s lucky he didn’t crash into the back of pierre before he passed him. 

- as i say that pierre ends up retiring 🤦‍♀️  contact with lance? i wish they had showed what happened. nvm, as i say that, they show the replay lol. 

- love the commentators hyping up alex and saying he deserves the points this weekend 😌😌 and lewis as well! i used to just watch the international feed but i’m really liking the f1 tv feed so far

- miss flo is the flag waver!!!! 

overall thoughts: mclaren did a very good job to hold on, both lando and oscar had really impressive drives today! lando deserves driver of the day. but also i think people have underestimated oscar and if he continues this form and improves, people should be worried. always happy and proud to see lewis on the podium, especially when it was unexpected. not to mention it’s his home race! hearing the crowd cheering for him in the post-interview and on the podium is so heartwarming and deserved. i just wish that mercs had a better car lol but don’t we all. very happy and proud of alex as well, what a good weekend on his home race as well. i feel like it was one of the more entertaining races of the year even though there were a couple of lulls, so i’m gonna rate it 8/10. 

[hoarder-of-gender]

JUST WENT TO MY FIRST PRIDE

So a friend of mine(let’s call them taylor) invited me to go to my first pride with them a few weeks ago. So i spend the day approaching like super excited and earlier today I get up at like 8:40, panick because im meant to be out and ready by 9:15, get ready somehow, and drive with taylor to the actual place where we sign in and shit.

So when we get there, we sign in, get the funky lil paper wristbands and shit like the ones u get at waterparks and are super hard to get off for literally no reason. I chug like four cups of coffee cuz its early by my standards and im still droopy, we meet a really nice trans guy and talk with him for a bit and a super sweet lesbian helps me with my makeup. Then after a few hours of waiting its finally time to go to the actual parade.

Our group was put near the back so we had to walk a bit extra, we talked with the nice trans guy from earlier, then after like an hour we finally started moving.

I realize my mistake of not bringing a big water bottle about halfway through, but taylor offered me some of theirs so that was really sweet. Im running around, waving my rainbow flag all over because it was the only one i have my pan pride one hasnt gotten here yet, i fist bump people and a nice lady high fived me.

by the end i was exhausted as fuck because holy shit that was more intense than my workout and feet want to die and i think il gonna puke and i have a newfound respect for people who do this every year.

all in all, i had a great time, the people were all really nice and i plan on going again next year!