#and of course autistic people can go on dates. but the romantic relationships they have are inherently less 'typical' y'know?

[smile-files]

i kinda ship 4x romantically but i kinda don't? they're squishy creatures that love playing together and being near each other... in my eyes they're queerplatonic and romantic at the same time if that makes sense. either way they definitely love each other!!!

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist?

Well, if you trust many social media posts, then the answer would be a resounding "No". Narcissistic is - apparently - a synonym for abusive, and of course you can't have a healthy relationship with an abusive partner!

But, well, social media is not always right. A lot of topics get oversimplified, terms get misused and black-or-white thinking is rampant - and "narcissistic means abusive" falls into all three of those pits.

Let's look at it a bit closer: "Abusive" describes a set of behaviors - while narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) describes, well, a personality disorder. It's a mental health condition.

I am not a trained mental health professional, so I'll use a medical source here. According to mayoclinic.org (link to article), symptoms and their intensity may vary from one affected person to the next (just like the exact symptoms and severity of depression or anxiety may vary!). A person with NPD may

have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance

have an excessive need for attention and admiration

have low/no empathy (struggle to understand or care about the feelings of others)

have low self-worth

be easily upset by criticism

struggle with social interactions

have difficulty managing their emotions

experience major problems dealing with stress 

And, again just like with other mental health conditions, NPD can negatively affect the person in a lot of areas of life. For example, struggling to manage their emotions and stress levels may make it hard for them to hold down a job and cause financial worries, or they may avoid participating in social events, which may lead to them becoming isolated and depressed etc. And yes, of course some symptoms may also lead to problems in romantic relationships.

Therapy for NPD usually centers around talk therapy, with the goal of helping the person to better understand and manage their emotions, to learn how to cope with self-worth issues, and to create/maintain healthy fulfilling relationships and communication with the people around them.

Now, you can look at all this and go "See? The social media posts are right! They are self-centered, have no empathy and are easily upset! That's abusive!" - but that'd be jumping to conclusions. None of those things are behaviors.

An autistic person may also easily get upset and they may also feel low empathy. So could a person with major depression. Yet, we do not treat "autistic" or "depressed" as a synonym for abusive. We do not assume that their symptoms will definitely lead to abusive behavior. So, why would that be different for people with NPD?

Am I saying no person with NPD has ever been abusive? Of course not. That'd be black-or-white thinking, too. What I am saying is: People with NPD are people. And people can show abusive behavior or they can not.

If someone who easily feels upset hits you, that's abuse... but hitting would be abuse, even if they didn't feel easily upset. A partner with or without NPD shouldn't be hitting you. If someone with no empathy degrades and insults you, that's abusive... but that would be abuse regardless of their ability to feel empathy. A partner with or without NPD shouldn't be degrading and insulting you.

A person could have NPD and behave abusive - but "some people are X and Y, so all people who are X must be Y" is a flawed logic.

So, let's circle back to the beginning: can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? Yeah. It will be a relationship with someone who has a mental health condition and that's something to be aware of because mental health conditions do affect everyday life (duh?).

You should set boundaries and take warning signs of abuse seriously - like you should do when you date anyone, regardless of health status.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

I wanna do more kabumisu positivity following that other anon. it really brightened my day so much.

bc really I dont want to bash other ships to lift mine up!!! and I actually also really love and respect labru, and know the majority of labru shippers arent Like That, just like most kabumisu shippers arent Like That. every group has some annoying, loud, opinionated people and they dont represent the average person who likes the ship, you know? I would love to see some labrus follow suit and send in some positivity as well!!! If the positivity keeps going I will come in here and post all my fave things about labru, labru art, and labru shippers as a kabumisu. lets ditch the bitching and hold hands instead!

anyway, some reasons I really love kabumisu

- as a neurodivergent disabled person dating another neurodivergent person, this is like. THE couple to me. and like its not just about mithrun being taken care of. taking care of mithrun actively helps kabru be more mindful of his own needs. In my life, I may struggle to feed myself, but I can make breakfast if my partner is hungry. other times she may do the same for me, it depends on who is doing worse.

-they both struggle with insomnia also

-from everything we've seen, pre-dungeon mithrun wasn't entirely dissimilar to kabru (high masking people pleaser) and thats Fascinating to me.

-kabru's job seems pretty stressful (no matter how much fulfillment it brings him, its a lot of responsibility for one person!) so I feel like coming home to that one guy he can take his mask off around and not even have to try and impress must be such a huge relief. also add mithrun with cooking experience to this, making kabru a nice meal after a long day of work.

-Mithrun is actually very perceptive and sees straight through kabru's bs multiple times and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest. ("unless theres someone else?" "theres someone you want to tell that story to.") mithrun is also the one who gives kabru the information he's been seeking this whole time.

-I am very interested in exploring mithruns whole desire situation. what desires does he gain? I think it is probably a lot of little ones that weave together. oh also I think sometimes things may seem more mithrun centric bc in any story where he is going to end up in a relationship he is going to have a much more dynamic arc than whoever he is paired with. literally dynamic as in like. he requires a lot more growth to achieve the outcome. and there are ways to skip it or gloss through it but. a lot of these stories require that in some way you show the progress has happened.

-to me, kabumisu is more often queeplatonic than romantic. but Im aroace so that could just be my aroace glasses. ALSO kabru is vaguely aro to me. you mean the guy thats super desirable that doesnt really seem interested in anyone particular outside of pursuing friendship? that guy? (also the way he did rin omfg)

-random but I dont think kabrus PTSD is talked about enough and also like the extent of his trauma. its not just utaya/monsters/his mom dying; its being raised by a single mother, its his blue eyes, its being adopted, its being raised by an elf, etc!!!! a lot of things he does bc of ptsd get attributed to autism (I also hc kabru as autistic, and some is symptom overlap. but it is secondary to the ptsd! he is traumatized first and foremost ty) I really love kabru so much. ty for the ptsd rep <3

-also out here to say I know an amount of kabumisu content is mithrun centric. I will tell you from my pov specifically though its bc I deeply relate to mithrun (as someone who once told a therapist many years ago I desired nothing and truly meant it. she said I was like a puppet without strings. of course I saw mithrun and was like. oh.) and Im in love with kabru. kabru reminds me of all the people who gave me a reason to pull through. people who saw good in me and treated me like a person when I didnt feel like one. I also really relate to kabru though as someone with complex trauma, even if my traumas are not the same. thats why I say I think not enough is attributed to his ptsd. anyway, once I just opened a notebook and wrote kabrus name over and over again with hearts. I have never done this to mithrun. so dont tell me kabumisus dont like kabru !!!

-kabru and mithrun are both so gender. Ive seen so many variants on their gender and gender expression in the ship. some people hate this and insist they must be one way or the other. I think theyre neat lots of different ways. I love when theyre both feminine men. I love when mithrun is super masc. I love when theyre butch4butch. I love when theyre both trans. and so much more. its all beautiful. a very good variety of food. the other day on my dash I had a tallman art of mithrun with the biggest tits imaginable and the very next post he was like a little porcelain doll. keep up the good work guys. I love you.

.

[generic-sonic-fan]

Happy pride! Here's some headcanons.

In-depth explanations beneath the cut (please keep in mind that these are personal and that I actually don't really stand by any that strongly! This is just for fun.)

Sonic: okay do I really need to explain this one?

Knuckles: What can I say, his gender contains multitudes. He's definitely a member of the "I don't care" camp for both gender and sexuality. He is what he is, loves who he loves, and doesn't give two rips about what other people might say. I like to imagine he plays around with both genders of clothing from echidna culture.

Amy: oh Amy, my sweet summer child. It's so autistic and queer of you to relentlessly declare your love for someone of the opposite sex because it's what is expected of you. I did the same in third grade before I realized that the other girls meant what they were saying about their target boy. Heteronormativity is a bitch, get well soon <3

Rouge: I think she fucked around with being she/they for a while before settling back on she/her. And bi icon, of course.

Blaze: okay do I really need to explain this one?

Silver: That is one nonbinary hedgehog if I ever saw one! He's a he/him by convenience alone. He hasn't had the chance to explore his sexuality yet unfortunately.

Big: He's good with he/him and that's all he cares about. Not a super strong connection to his assigned gender at birth but he likes being a boy well enough. As for his sexuality, he never figured out what everyone was going on about when it came to sex, and only recently figured out it was because he was literally missing that 'sexual attraction' thing.

Shadow: is nonbinary as fuck and has no idea. Honey, seeing masculinity as a burden you have to bear is not normal!!! He's also demi-ace. It takes a very close relationship with someone to even consider sexual attraction.

Cream: happy being a girl! Hasn't really thought about crushing on anyone yet.

Tails: Internalized homophobia + transphobia from being bullied go brrrrrr. Besides, Sonic doesn't spend much time thinking about these things, so why should he? (Tails. Tails listen to me. Sonic's aro and knew he was trans at an unusually young age. he's a statistical outlier with how early he figured it out PLEASE consider that and don't base your self-discovery journey on him. . .)

Metal: You all know my headcanons for this one. Metal was assigned male by Eggman from its earliest iterations and gender dysphoria is literally 98% of all of its problems. Please get this robot some estrogen. As for sexuality, full romantic attraction is definitely on the table but jesus christ this robot needs to do some work on itself before that. Please read Complex Inquiries if you want me to elaborate that's like my master's thesis on this subject

Vector: Gave his gender a really good thinking before shrugging and sticking with his assigned gender at birth. Also pan as hell, definitely dated some femboys in high school I think.

Espio: Currently in the process of speculating if he's nonbinary. Keeps very quiet about it though. But he knows he likes dudes, so there's that.

Charmy: He's bit-sexual. Whatever he needs to be for the punchline of the joke to land, frankly.

Omega: For narrative parallel reasons to Metal Sonic, I love to headcanon that Omega wasn't programmed with a gender, but then discovered that masculinity is traditionally associated with aggression and violence and went ham. Doesn't mind getting she/her'd, doesn't exactly like they/them, but it/its is of the highest offense. He will kill you for that. As for his sexuality, (I know he's a robot but PLEASE hear me out) he's demi-aro! He'd have no idea that any sort of feelings on his part are happening until it was too late. He'd hate himself for it and promptly bury said feelings beneath so many layers.

[formerlybnhabeans]

Class 1a pride headcanons let's gooooo 🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Going by seat order bc I'm autistic and it makes good sense

Also no mineta bc I don't know what to do with him

1. Aoyama 🌟🩶

Nonbinary and aspec. They aren't sure if they have a definitive gender one way or another but if anyone asks they just say "sparkling of course!! ✨️" as for sexuality/romantic attraction they are asexual and still questioning their romantic alignment. Honestly they would be happy going through life with maybe some qpps and not really thinking too much about it

2. Mina 👽🩷

Bi as hell babey!! Everyone is gorgeous in their own way!! Mina falls in love so fast and with so many people she's just like. Everyone deserves love and if she's gotta be the one to give it then so be it.

3. Tsu 🐸💚

Distinguished lesbian. Not afraid to tell the other 1a girls what makes them attractive. Tsu loves complimenting ppl and feels very proud of herself whenever the other girls get flustered bc she knows it means she's made their entire day.

4. Iida ⏩️💙

Bisexual and doesn't know what to do about it. Has many panicked conversations with Tensei over finding people attractive and feeling very weird about it bc they all live together and also puberty hormones hit him like a truck about a month or so after meeting everyone.

5. Ochako 🌌🩷

Pansexual. Very proud of it. Often seen very loudly validating her classmates identities and making sure that any potential homophobes and transphobes know that they will be punted into the stratosphere if they so much as breathe wrong in the general direction of anyone ochako cares about

6. Ojiro 🐒🤎

Token cishet. Great ally tho.

7. Kaminari ⚡️💛

Nonbinary and bisexual. Pronouns vary by the day. Often jokes that they've never made a decision in their entire life because of this. When they go pro there ends up being an official line of Chargebolt merch that has the slogan "gender? I don't even know'er!" On it.

8. Kirishima 💪❤️

Bisexual but kind of oblivious to it. Equates attraction to admiring someone for being "manly." It is discovered at some point during his years at UA that his personal definition of manly just encompasses all the traits that he finds attractive in a person plus other traits he admires but isn't necessarily into. This makes for a very confusing journey of self-discovery.

9. Kouda 🐇🤍

Grey ace. Questions his gender sometimes but is not overly concerned with what gender is the right one. More interested in solid friendships than dating too and so he ends up with qpps as his most meaningful relationships

10. Sato 🍫💛

Stereotypical cake loving aro ace. He doesn't care what everyone else is doing, he's busy perfecting his ganache.

11. Shouji 🤝🩵

On the ace spectrum but still figuring out exactly where. He has body image issues due to trauma and that kind of effects his views on attraction and romance.

12. Jirou 🎵💜

She thinks she's bi but she's still figuring it all out. Honestly anyone that can vibe to music with her could catch her eye, and she especially likes people that have slightly odd tastes such as listening to classical music or pre-quirk pop*

*(this is based on the headcanon that bnha takes place a couple hundred years into the future. Pre-quirk pop would just be the pop of the 80s up to about now in her view)

13. Sero 🩹🩶

(I couldn't find a tape emoji so bandaid it is)

Pansexual. He and ochako get along very well bc not only do they share an identity in this way, they also both feel like they're parenting their respective neurodivergent friend groups lol.

14. Tokoyami 🐦‍⬛🖤

Homoromantic ace. Sometimes does Bird Things to show his affection like bringing gifts and trinkets to ppl he is interested in or like nesting with their stuff. He finds these urges embarrassing but everyone else thinks it's cute and adores him for it.

15. Todoroki ❄️🔥❤️🤍

Gay gay homosexual gay. Has absolutely no idea how romance or crushes or teenage hormones or anything is supposed to work so he just does not realize that it isn't normal to daydream about cuddling his male classmates. Ochako gently explains the concept of a crush to him after he mentions something about this offhand and it blows his fucking mind.

16. Hagakure 🌫🤍

Bisexual and a very proud member of the Loving Women Club. Has a huuuuggeee crush on Mirko (which like, same girl).

17. Bakugou 💥🧡

Gay. Has a very specific taste in men but he won't tell anyone what it is because like three people on the entire planet fit the criteria (in his mind anyway) and he does not want anyone figuring out who he might be into because he sees it as weakness. Even after he goes to therapy he describes his type as "certain dumbasses who have issues and can't take a single fucking hint" so.

18. Deku 🐰💚

Bisexual disaster and everyone around him knows it. Has like 3 crises a day over finding random classmates attractive and overthinks everything there is to overthink in the situation. Luckily for him everyone knows what he's like and how his brain works and they find it endearing (even if certain classmates won't say it out loud)

19. Yaomomo ⚛️❤️

Lesbian. Momo recognizes that all the girls around her are so pretty and talented and it's a win for her bc they have such a culture of uplifting each other so she's constantly getting compliments from very pretty girls. She's living her best life as the president of the loving UA women club.

Bonus: shinso!!! 🐱💜

Shinso uses the Queer umbrella label. He has a preference for men but is generally attracted to any gender. When he transfers into class A the first two weeks are like a constant crisis bc he's like. Getting attention from all these attractive and talented people??? And they like him for who he is??? Paralyzing.

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

So I'm sure you've noticed I've been stalking ur blog lol

When I saw this post it actually kinda resonated with me.

https://www.tumblr.com/gabrielsbubblegumbitch/747324251353300992/i-saw-so-many-alastor-ruined-vox-takes-but-how?source=share

I'm Asexual aromatic but Flirting, touching, and other things that can be taken as romantic are purely natural to me. For me it's never serious just another way for me to show interest and have fun with friends. This has actually lead to issues with a few friends in the past. Unknowingly my blind ass would have people genuinely romantically and sexually interested in me and I wouldn't know. It honestly does feel confusing, and in the strangest way violating when you find out. (Can't think of a better word than violating but I don't think that quite gets the feeling across.)

With the way you phrased it actually made me more understanding of how Alastor can just push Vox away, and resonated with me lol.

Put in the same situation I would likely do the same. I'm not just going to change how I talk or act around this person because they have feelings for me, but I can't ignore/forget that they do.

Unlike Alastor though I am a people pleaser so I did try to enter into those relationships and I safely say it would've ended up so much worse for both Vox and Alastor.

Acting flirtatious/romantic is so very different than actually being interested.

At first you follow the classical steps of romance, dates, flowers, I love yous, you do that with friends too, but physically touch suddenly becomes more uncomfortable. Which could explain why Alastor has a "I touch you, you don't touch me" policy, unless your Nifty/Rosie of course!

Everything that person who 'loves' you does however begins to feel annoying, suffocating.

Alastor feeling claustrophobic, uncomfortable, and confused suddenly because this person who was a good friend suddenly wants to get together would instantly push him away. FORCE Alastor either looks at his own actions or views Vox as some perverse person. Therefore any ideas he might have like new technology come from a perverted place.

Obviously I'm not saying that Vox being interested in Alastor from a romantic angle is automatically perverse or wrong but with how much he values his autonomy it definitely feels weird for someone to WANT to be tied down.

I have a lot of thoughts but it is late so I'm just rambling and have way too many thoughts! I do hope you could more or less make sense of this mess! Thank you!

I'm sorry it took me ages to reply but unfortunately I'm mentally ill and for the las few weeks, putting together a coherent response was too demanding :c But I don't like leaving asks unanswered.

I could make sense of this rambling! Actually it's more or less what I had in mind while writing the original post. I'm autistic so I often miss the fact that people are attracted to me + sometimes things have different meanings for me than for most of people (e.g. lately I said something that made someone think that I want to be romantically involved with them, they rejected me, things got extremely weird and I did my best to explain to them my true feelings but I'm still anxious that they might think that I lied to save face) and I'm aromantic. So I get what you mean with that unreasonable feeling of being violated. It is completely unjustified and I hate feeling that way because I recognize it as utterly unfair toward the other person, who is not hurting me in any way but I can't help it.

So, I can imagine that Alastor - who hasn't been though years of therapy and may not be the most self aware and emotionally open person - could feel very bad with Vox's feelings. Especially when Vox is not above manipulation and gaslightning, and probably doesn't take rejection well so thing could get nasty pretty quickly.

[mr-gallows]

Leon Kennedy headcanons: Romantic Relationships

Reposting because tumblr ate it. Based on RE4 Remake Leon.

I said in a previous post that RE4 Remake Leon reminded me a little of Mr. Darcy. With his crush, he’d be more quiet than usual. Unsure of how to act on feelings (or if he should) and worried how his crush would react. Being slightly curt with his crush. Trying to sneak some stares and looking away just as he’s about to get caught. They would be certain that he dislikes them, when he’s really just nervous. They would never guess he had a crush on them  because he’d seem so distant. But he would do some nice things behind the scenes. Overhear you saying you need to buy some trivial thing, you come back the next day and it’s on your desk. Stiffly suggests going out together, but just casually, of course. It’s not like he likes you or anything. Puts on a serious face and asks if you’d like to get coffee:

This is exactly the face he makes when he asks. This is a very serious situation. “Coffee. Would you join me for some?”

(RE2 Leon would have handled it differently. Still shy and awkward, but definitely less businesslike. More prone to blushing and chuckling nervously. “I was..um...wondering if you’d like to get some coffee. Sometime. Anytime-uh..”)

Now I think this cold/distant approach I’m describing is something that happens if Leon is actually romantically interested in someone. If he’s just looking to fuck he’s more suave and flirtatious. So if he has a one-night stand that turns into something more, his partner is going to be in a very awkward situation while he figures his shit out. He doesn’t seem like a romantic person, but the want for romance is definitely there. He’s just very pragmatic and task oriented. But in his heart of hearts, he wants something deep and intimate; a melding of two souls. He just doesn’t really indulge in those feelings because he thinks it won’t happen for him.

If someone gives him a very heartfelt and sincere compliment, he doesn’t really know what to do. He gets flustered internally and it doesn’t compute. Just kind of goes blank. That, or he laughs it off. Did they really just say that? Do I need to get my hearing checked? When pursuing women, he’s definitely got an urge to be gentlemanly. It can come off as a little traditional. He’s definitely egalitarian in his beliefs, he just falls back on convention with dating, ie: paying for dinner, giving his date his coat if she gets cold, etc. When pursuing men, that’s where he’s out of his element. In my headcanon, Leon didn’t accept he was into men until he was an adult. With women, he falls back on the conventions of dating, but with men, he has to rethink it. Do we split the bill? Do I pay? Does he pay? It’s easier for men to make him blush as well. When pursuing enbys, he’d be more careful and anxious. He’d probably still unconsciously take up a masculine role, but he’d ask a lot more about how they’d prefer he act. He doesn’t want them to be uncomfortable around him. Pays careful attention to how they want to present one day to the next if they’re fluid. (God damn it I want a fic of Leon finding out his crush is non-binary lol) Leon might take a little time learning to work with neurodivergent partners, but once he learns what they need, he’s very patient, understanding, and attentive to their needs. (sidenote: I adore autistic Leon headcanons)

Ends up dating normie women a lot, but has a soft spot for alternative   women/men/enbys. They tend to enjoy the same music as him so he likes that. I get this feeling from Remake Leon specifically. I feel like OG Leon wouldn’t be interested in alt people that much.

Artistic types are foreign but intriguing to him because he doesn’t have a creative bone in his body. It would be so funny to see him getting with an academic nerd type? “I don’t care for this architecture. Who pairs Corinthian columns with Ogival arches?” “Yeah babe, it’s terrible.” (has no idea what they’re talking about) “Whoever is responsible must pay for this assault on my senses.” “I’ll get on that.” (sarcasm) He’s drawn to people who are intelligent and compassionate. People who are mature and capable of deeper discussion. Likes people he can learn from. Also a plus if someone can defend themselves or is willing to learn to. He doesn’t want to worry about their safety. It’s one of the main reasons he doesn’t look for a partner (for now...I’m sure there’s a breaking point. A dark sense of humor is also appreciated, though he typically makes sure to be sensitive with serious subjects himself. If you can get him to do a double take with a dark joke, he’s going to remember you. End: feel free to give feedback!

[nonbinarypirat]

A rare post not about Iruma kun (yall im so stressed with finals and end of the semester, I haven’t even caught up with the newest chapters because I can’t focus on an on going story rn. Does that make sense? Sometimes when I’m stressed I can’t read or watch a story that hasn’t been finished yet. But I’ll be excited to finish then after the break.)

But anyway, I’m watching Tanaka is Always Listless and I’m enjoying it so far. Im almost done, only two episodes to go. I may make a an anime tier list soonish and this would go in B tier. Solid, not much happens (though it’s intentional) but cute characters. BUT what I don’t like is that Echizen is not canonically queer and in love with Miyano? (Spoilers for the anime going forward.) When she was first introduced, it’s subtly through Miyano. Miyano talks about her feelings on someone she’s in love with and that’s why she wants to be mature woman. And then later we meet Echizen and she’s like, idk why Miyano would want to be like you she’s perfect the way she is (to Tanaka). And then Miyano finally tells the characters (and the audience) that the person she loves is Echizen. And they both hug, fawn over each other, it’s adorable. So I was like, oh I love this cute relationship! What I liked was that it was simple but realistic. They just really like each other. And while not the main focus, the way it was addressed didn’t make a big deal out of it.

So this whole time I thought they were lesbians and dating afterwards. Just off screen. And we saw them separately or together since then and it only confirmed this for me since they often talked about the other. But then came episode 9 I think? Or 8? And Echizen thinks Ohta or Tanaka likes her. And she gets nervous about it. Which I was like, eh makes sense they are her two friends (?). And even after she gushes about it I was like, ok well they are both cute guys. Nothing wrong with feeling yourself and how attractive you are to have two people like you. Maybe she’s a bi queen. But then she starts imagining dating them and such and I was like… wait did I read the room wrong?? Because her and Miyano have so much chemistry and queer vibes for each other. They both want to impress or do/give cute things for each other. They always talk about the other. Overall, it’s super cute. So the crush on either boy felt so weird and out of place? I was really blindsided because I didn’t pick up on that energy (but then again I’m autistic so maybe I missed it?)

And now I’m in episode 10 and there’s the weird reminiscing about the past and Echizen being blushing and shy about Ohta and I’m just now realizing, oh no. It’s them giving the two main male characters a relationship. Because of course they must be dating someone, specifically a girl. Idk, kind of put me off and now I’m not liking it as much. It’s not that I think all stories need a queer couple (if only though) but it feels so weird to have it now when there hasn’t been a ton of scenes with them besides us knowing they are childhood friends.

Not to mention that I am just tired and annoyed with the trope that all leads must have a partner or romantic interest or potential romance (🙄) by the end of a show. Is this just me? But I see it over and over, the series feeling like it must have a lead character(s) date someone and I just don’t get it. Maybe this is the autism (the answer is always autism) or me being on the aromatic spectrum, but I don’t understand compulsorily romance. It feels like media is always so scared to just let a lead not date someone even at the expense of ruining a character, story, or even making sense. I don’t need the two leads to be dating someone, it’s fine if they don’t! I see this all the time (more so with girl or women main characters) and it’s so frustrating to see.

With all that being said, I know that the show is based on the manga and mangas typically can have more character depth, character lore, and stories than an anime adaptation. So maybe the couple makes more sense in the actual mangas. Just for me who only watched the anime, it’s so weird seeing her get paired with him when I didn’t get that feeling from her besides being embarrassed he knew her before she was “cool.” But I have two more episodes so maybe I was being to presumptuous? Or maybe they’ll find a way to explain it (idk how but it’s possible). So I may give more thoughts after I finish it. Idk, if y’all have read the manga do you recommend it and should I read it? Will it give me more context on the relationship between them? I’m not against the two dating, I just thought she was gay or wlw and liked her best friend. But if the manga can sell me of the ship, let me know and maybe I’ll read it (if , ya know, you don’t think the ending of the anime will make me think that by itself)

[shaunashipman]

Can we talk media literacy a moment, and the people harping on about it are the people who don't have it?

Buck recognising that Eddie was wearing the good cologne wasn't because Buck is so romantically obsessed with Eddie that he knows his every smell. It was to signal to the audience that Eddie was meeting Kim in a romantic capacity. It wasn't even subtle! Buck literally says they won't wait up for him!

They're so obsessed with reading between the lines that they've forgotten to read what's actually on the page. It's not even just a Buddie thing, you see it in so, so many fandoms. The moment shippers start talking about media literacy to prove their ship is going canon, you know that ship is doomed.

I think the part I lost it at was them claiming eddie was smiling at something else when we got the reaction shots in the hospital room. like, saying it was a jealous smile was already pushing it, but to say that, during the sea of reaction, they decided to randomly cut to eddie smiling at something other than his best friend coming out to their whole family? that's beyond reaching, they have now become buzz lightyear detaching his arm and throwing it, and I can't take any of their claims seriously ever again

and 1000% agree on the cologne. Eddie doesn't strike me as someone who wears cologne that often. they can't wear it at their jobs, apart from federal buildings being scent-free (at least here in canada they are), at a job where you have to be able to smell things like gas leaks and such, you don't want to be making that difficult by having to search out the smell under all the dior. so he might have just the one cologne he wears for dates, maybe two, one for regular dates and one for fancy dates, so of course buck would recognize it

also pls show me the jealousy buck supposedly displayed in that scene. I again question these ppl's life experiences, because if I, a likely autistic who barely leaves their house and hasn't dated anyone besides high school relationships, can tell when someone is or isn't being jealous, how the fuck can they not?

[thatludicrousdisplay]

okay okay okay okay okay i've been rewatching it crowd this week and rn i'm watching s2ep1 again. this must be my 20th rewatch at *least* by now, but this time i was struck by how much the conversation between moss and phillip could be seen as a metaphor for moss being gay coded (save all the other parts of the episode, of course)

moss: phillip, who are you talking to? me or Jen?

is there history between moss and phillip? do they know each other outside of their obvious connection through jen? if they do, i would not be surprised at *all* if moss was looking for an in. don't get me wrong, he doesn't pick up on social cues very well (very much due to him being likely canonically autistic), but i think he definitely knew that phillip was talking about a date.

phillip: do you like the theatre?

moss: never been

i think phillip picks up on moss' vibes here, and decides to use the theatre as a metaphor as he tries to figure out if moss is gay or cockblocking him with jen. his body language in this scene is quite important: if you watch closely you can see he angles his body more towards moss, gestures towards him and makes clear eye contact, whereas before he was angled towards jen and only kept glancing towards moss when talking. and again, moss' response suggests that he's never really been in a gay relationship, which, let's be real, isn't that much of a surprise. i've always personally thought of moss as someone who be confused as to his identity not through repression necessarily, but through sheer not knowing

moss: but I've, uh... I've always liked the idea of the theatre - the smell of the grease, the roar of the paint

it's men. he likes men guys.

moss: I've often thought if I hadn't ended up in computers, I would have gone into the theatre.

this line stumps me a little btw. maybe something about the nature of their (meaning moss and roy's) job separating them from the rest of the building and therefore the reynholm industries dating pool? or it could be him saying "yeah i could've been a little whore but i like computers so eh". if you have any thoughts please god let me know

phillip: but you've never been to see a play?

moss: no

phillip: why not?

is it just me, but does phillip sound almost disappointed when moss says he's never been to see a play. this could easily be misconstrued as a theatre lover's pity, but i think it goes deeper than this. i feel like 'play' is being used as a metaphor to represent being with a man in the (non)biblical sense. and notice how moss takes a moment before answering, almost as if he's considering what he's going to say. if someone asks you if you've ever been to see a play, you don't take that second or two, you probably know right away. once again, phillip is talking directly to moss. when roy interrupts a few moments after this small interaction he looks up and seems almost surprised to find other people in the room, including the woman he's supposedly wooing.

moss: never had the interest

moss could definitely be asexual or demisexual. he takes a small moment again, but seems confident in his answer. i don't think he's lying to phillip to try and make himself seem aloof or holier-than-thou, but i think he's being honest with a man with whom he is experiencing a level of attraction (whether that be romantic or sexual). of course i do personally think there is a long-standing will-they-won't-they situation with moss and roy, but i do think he's being truthful. maybe he's trying to be a little bit flirty. i could see him trying to do that, trying something he's seen on tv perhaps? idk i just love him okay <<<3

seriously tho i love this idiot little man so much and i just want him to be happy and comfortable in his sexuality

[mysteriouseggsbenedict]

new theory for why being autistic is harder as a young adult than it was as a child and everything is too hard and it's too much (disclaimer: in my experience and in some but not all ways)

When you are a child there is a very clear life structure imposed upon you. You go to school. Your parents control most things about your life. The course that your life is going to follow for the extent of the future that you can conceptualize is obvious to you: first you have this year of school, then the next year, then you go to middle school, then to high school. You know what's going to happen to you and what your life is going to look like (in broad strokes) without having any uncertainty about it.

You also have limited responsibilities. Your only job is school. You can focus all your little brain power just on school. There aren't all kinds of competing priorities to have to manage at once.

But then you grow up. You have to do all of these things now

Decide if you want to go to university, and if so, which school and which degree

Manage chores, housework, and errands

Manage finances

Try to learn lots of big new skills like cooking and driving

Manage where you are going to live/move to, if you are going to move out of your parent's home

Navigating employment which is SOOOOO hard this could be like a whole entire massive thing just on its own

AND on top of all that, there's no clear path for you to follow. Maybe you're going to date people and be in a romantic relationship, but you might not be, and then you don't have that social infrastructure to lean back on for support. Maybe you'll get married, but you don't have to, and you might not. You could decide to do almost anything. There's nothing to assure you that, yes, this is what happens next, this is what you can expect and be prepared for.

At EVERY SINGLE TURN there are new things to figure out. As soon as you're settled in college life and feel like you can manage being 21, you're turning 22 and graduating, and then everything is changing again!!!

It's just so overwhelming and hard. It's so many things. I feel like I can direct my energy at a couple of these many points, but definitely not all of them, because that would require about 100x more energy than I have.

The world feels too tumultuous and my brain doesn't know how to handle it so I end up having more meltdowns and anxiety attacks and just feeling bad compared to when I was, like, 17. Or even 11.

At least I can buy my favourite same foods with my own money and I don't have to take math classes anymore....

[ulabewriting]

Liz Foreman-McGuire.

she/her.

TW : mention of alcohol, bad relationship with parents.

– French-African, adopted in Toulouse. – Aquarius. – Autistic. (diagnosed at 18.) – Activist, head of a well-known organization helping minorities in need of support and representation in sticky situations. (+ is a popular, anonymous music producer ;] )

dorky - socially awkward, most gentle soul ever.

has facial piercings : septum, angel bites, snake bites, and smiley.

has a lot of tattoos : both her arms are pretty much covered, a few on her thighs and calves, an incubus tattoo on her womb and the line « wearing my heart like a crown » on her spine. 

her piercings kind of clash with her innocent-looking face.

smartest person you’ll ever meet, though she’ll keep her big brain as lowkey as possible… she’s a humble little bean<3

melts on the spot if you take her on a museum date.

5’5 brunette. 😩

slim thick lady. thick thighs save lives y’all<3

can read her siblings like open books… it’s terrifying, sometimes.

tends to view humans as robots and analyzes their brains like science experiments… but it comes from a good intention, i swear-

knows every damn book ever written.

likes picnics… a lot.

speaks like 6 languages (learned when she wasn’t part of the family yet.)

a humanist for sure.

softest, calmest person ever. no temper problems.

will loose her shit if someone’s rights are being screwed, though.

you do not want to see this lady mad. you really don’t.

won’t ever raise her voice but uses just the right words to enter people's brain… and do whatever she wants with it. try her.

bad relationship with her parents. The first Foreman-McGuire kid to openly disagree with her parents and do things her own way. They pretty much disowned her.

“i needed them to hate me to love myself.” spent the first years of her life in the family doing her best to please her parents, but she knew– she could feel it had a price : going against herself. As she got older and started doing things her way, truly expressing herself and what she wants; her parents turned away from her. But she could feel it… finally, she was free. living for herself. Finally, she likes who she is.

sort of has the vibe of a cliché mysterious, captivating love interest from a wattpad story lmao.

definitely has written songs about you… she has like a whole little notebook dedicated to these precious texts<3

the most sporty (after Dominic and Oliver, of course, these two are just absolutely crazy–)

bojack horseman is her comfort show.

loves to play chess. She wins every. time.

a romantic soul - in love with love !

can seem cold because she keeps to herself, but her face instantly lights up with a big smile when you approach her; truly the sweetest.

needs to always have noises in her ears and something in her hands because she gets understimulated easily – lady. needs. stimulation. ALWAYS.

genuinely thinks she doesn’t deserve you. (or anybody else. or anything else.)

very curious – that’s why she knows a lot about a lot of things. Like, one of her siblings(probably Skyh tbh) says « why are lollipops called lollipops »; everybody is like « oh my god skyh, stfu » and Liz is in the back, rubbing her chin like « wait a minute… why are they called lollipops ? »

« Did you know humans can fit approximately two raccoons up their anu–»

mindlessly bites on her lip piercings when she’s thinking.

looks like a completely different person when her tattoos are exposed.

considerate and attentive.

still learning how to be kind and patient with herself.

gentle with absolutely everything. People, objects, your heart ;) everything.

can’t walk in stiletto heels. She tried twice and twisted her ankle each time. (Celestia was laughing like a hyena in the back.)

dresses like a vampire living in a goth castle.

becomes a blushing mess when you say her name, no matter the context. She loves calling you by your name too; she finds it very intimate, somehow.

nicknames she might use : love, darling and dear.

can hold her liquor like a champion! An absolute sucker for red wine. (don’t make the mistake of getting caught between Liz, Dominic and a bottle of whiskey. these women are INSANE.)

is super awkward when receiving compliments and gifts.

not the type to get jealous but, can be a bit possessive.

« I trust you so I won’t make a fuss. I have no issue with that, after all; what’s mine is mine and we both know you are. » :)

pretty much only wears black, gray and red but her favorite color is green.

likes to kiss your palm and wrists.

has a very strong sense of justice.

sees things she can’t do as challenges…. just give her a few weeks. just what she needs to learn every single thing about this topic, make it her new hyperfixation and become a pro at it.

« I’m just a tiny star and you’re a whole galaxy. I still don’t get what you see in me, but… I’d give the entire universe for you, my dear. »

[cromulentenough]

i'd basically given up on friendship and romance over the last several years, and was i think genuinely more content for it compared to before where i wanted it but couldn't get it. The pandemic helped because there was less expectation to be pursuing in person social interaction.

I did a lot of processing of a bunch of stuff over the pandemic, i'm more ok with myself and have dealt with a lot of the self loathing and shame i used to have about wasted potential and with fear of abandonment. Also like, figuring out Gender Stuff. Maybe I could have gotten there faster with therapy or something but having several years of burnout did let me eventually get there. (I didn't associate it with autism before but seeing stuff about autistic burnout maybe it was that? it did start at the end of uni).

I think I'm at the point where I'm genuinely ok with being alone. But OTOH it would still be nice to have some close friendships and romantic relationships. But i think not being desperate for it the way i used to be might make that work better now?

My social skills have atrophied after not doing any socializing for so long, which makes sense. Trying to be social again and my social anxiety is 'back' but i don't know if it's back or it was just not being activated because i wasn't being social, or i'm not apathetic about stuff like i used to be and that was cancelling it out before. But i do seem to be better about recognizing it and compartmentalizing it than i used to be. I'm anxious in the moment but i don't spiral like i used to and can ride it out. I still get pangs of jealousy but it's less intense and again i can ride it out until it passes rather than letting it spiral.

I'd been in a state of 'ok this is better than you've been in the past, sure you could improve but don't mess with it in case you return' for a while, but i'm finally in the state of being willing to try and get beyond here.

Started the programming course thing which was I was very lucky to find, it's baby steps for social interaction and getting better about working regularly while still being flexible enough that i'm not punished for failing to do a full time week. And the garunteed job on the horizon is nice too. Didn't fully realize how draining the old job was.

Bit worried about hurting people by not being able to Social Enough and that's kinda prevented me from starting/ developing relationships with people. Also no idea how to go about dating now that i'm ready for it again. I'd used OKCupid in the past and i think i might be more successful at it with the me i am now, but from what i hear okcupid sucks these days, and i don't really hear much better things about the rest of the dating apps. I don't really know how to be flirty without being worried about being creepy if it's unwanted. 'dating app where it's explicitly about that' seemed like it would be the solution but apparently it doesn't end up working that way on top of it just not being great from the AMAB side of things.

Mostly a ventpost and me trying to start posting more here about myself rather than mostly just reblogging without comment like i usually do. But also if i have any mutuals in london/ travelling to london soon who want to meet up in person let me know.

[musicspirit26]

okay, so i'm well aware that this might make me sound like an incel, but it's something that frustrates me so much as an autistic person and i need to vent about it (i would totally do this with a therapist if i had one btw - but i don't, so i'm making do with what i have)

every single time i develop a huge crush on someone, i feel like 1 of 3 things always happens:

they're already in a happy long term relationship and i don't wanna be the homewrecker

they've just gotten out of a relationship, so i don't wanna be their rebound

they've been single for a while and are either not ready to mingle in general or just wouldn't like me back at all anyways

this pattern will usually go on for a few years, and all the while i will also be doing a lot of personal growth (which makes the comment "you don't need a relationship to be happy" all the more frustrating because my main love language is physical touch, so i need/crave physical affection in ways that simply can't be provided by a family member), so by the time someone else who doesn't quite fit what i'm looking for but i kinda like and who likes me comes along, i will jump on that opportunity really quick because at least someone likes me romantically

and i know those people deserve a lot better than that (and i deserve better than that, too), but i find that i'm usually only in that situation because i want to respect that my actual crushes are unavailable for whatever reason

and yes, i'm aware that a lot of that unavailability comes down to my struggles with social cues and hygiene (which is probably the main reason for the third scenario, on top of the fact that a lot of the women in that category are straight), and that's obviously completely understandable - but i think that's just what makes me feel even more horrible about it, as well as myself

it can be so emotionally debilitating to know that my struggle with these things is exactly what makes it so easy for other people to just write me off altogether, no matter how hard i try to navigate them or self-police how i come across. for that reason, it's extremely difficult not to get frustrated at how hard it is to find a partner who loves me just as deeply as i love them, or handle even a gentle/friendly rejection as just that and to not take it personally.

of course, the other side of that coin is that i feel like any big crushes i have in the three scenarios i mentioned above are also miles out of my league anyway, so working up the courage to confess my feelings in the first place feels almost impossible because of that.

idk y'all, i just wanna find a woman who i can love who loves me and who i can express that love in physical ways with

ugh why is dating so hard 😩😩😩

[theoldaeroplane]

meandering thoughts (reflective style)

with my life seeming to settle a little bit (knock on wood) my brain returns to its favorite dilemma: relationships! how confusing they are for me! how i get crushes all the time on everyone and am too scared of alienating people important to me to do anything about them! operation "just be cool and hot and hope people are attracted to you" does not seem to be working, despite the fact i am both cooler and hotter than ever. i have always given off an unconscious air of "don't interact with me" that I think makes this difficult for people. (probably because I largely don't want most people to interact with me, and because I'm autistic and can't figure out social cues, and because even casual touch with people outside of a very small bubble activates like seventeen goblins in my brain!)

i talked to my therapist about these feelings last week and we're probably going to focus on them moving forward. this was really the year where i realized that the depths of the damage done to me growing up were much deeper than I thought. it's difficult to acknowledge that! it's hard to really look in the eye how much work I still have to do even now.

I've been reading about relationship anarchy and finding it appealing. the trouble of course comes in the practice. my therapist, who's trans and poly and is someone I trust to have good takes on these things, said something like ... "you can just ask the people you want to be closer to if they're interested in exploring a possible deeper intimacy." im both fascinated and terrified by this. sure i can just ask. what if i get told no? ive been told no so many times. it does a number on your self confidence! what if it makes this person who is important to me uncomfortable? what if it pushes them away from me? it's happened before! i can't risk losing what I have!

i suspect the fact my support network is almost entirely friends makes this much more frightening; without the kind of anchor relationship most people i know have in the form of immediate family, expressing interest in changing the relationships i do have kind of feels like fucking around in my operating system's files without a backup. it's sort of funny to be okay with the mortifying ordeal of being known, but being too afraid to even get to it.

relationship anarchy says, do away with preconceived notions of what a relationship "should" look like. kick out the fences and define new borders. fuck your friends and live domestically with your platonic life partner, if you want. this fascinates me. it's something I've been writing into many of my characters' relationships for some time now, without having a name for it. do i want a traditional partner? part of me thinks I do, but maybe that's just a lifetime of social conditioning. what would be the most fulfilling for me? i don't know. it seems like something you can probably only figure out with experience, and right now that's my problem.

i was raised by people who wanted me to "court" instead of date. (My therapist made a terrible face and said oh I hate that for you when I told him this.) i was raised by people who definitely would have tried to get me to read "i kissed dating goodbye" if i had done anything other than have a crush on a gay boy all through high school. I still talk to that guy all the time, crush free even, and he's in a great relationship with another man now. their relationship is strictly romantic; the partner fulfills his sexual needs with other people. i thought that was so cool when I first heard about it. I think it was the first time someone I knew personally demonstrated a functioning, nontraditional relationship. Others have followed. I'm so happy for them! I watch, fascinated, from behind the iron wall I've built for myself while "Hello My Old Heart" plays in the background.

it's Christmas as I write this, and I've got no plans. a few people have checked in on me, because I'm always alone at this time of year. (honestly, the checking in kind of makes it worse. "hey I'm celebrating with my loved ones and I know you aren't, how are you?") that's another complicated topic, but it's been a little easier this year. it's probably to do with both time and the fact that my adhd is being managed for the first time ever; it's common to have increased emotional regularity when that happens. I'm lonely, but I'm used to it, and things will go back to normal soon. It would be nice to have someone to spend it with. i don't know if it's in the cards for me. maybe next year.

I worry sometimes that I sabotage myself. Oh, I'm into this person, but they're in a relationship, or they're straight, or they're ace, or they live far away, or I work with them (as if any of those things are a hard limiter in all cases). I can find any excuse not to express my interest in someone. It's something I'm working with my therapist on.

As morose as this post is, I'm okay. today I'll mess around with my server project and go feed my friend's pets while he's away. I'll spend a lot of time thinking about this and distill my feelings down into something I can overlay onto a character; i see myself most clearly when I do it through a mask. I've got things to cook and a fridge to clean and an indoor bike to ride. There are people who care about me and it's important I try to remember that.

uh, happy holidays! i promise i am okay enough. please don't make me think about it any deeper than that. I really truly hope you have a good one.

[becameundone]

(park seonghwa. cis man. he/him. homosexual.) ⇝ hey, isn’t that min kim? i think that the twenty-eight year old from london, uk works as a hair stylist (cosmetologist) for the coyote hair salon, but outside of that people describe them as neon red lights glowing in the night, candied cherries floating in a glass of bubbles, every outfit deliberate and detailed and smoky eyeshadow smeared on, the glimmer of white salon lights reflected in the blades of your scissors . i hear they are vain & pedantic, but they are also known to be supportive & individual. consider giving them a visit at their home in delilah's den gated community and get to know why they’re called the sour cherry.

TW: brief mentions of an abusive relationship, not detailed; emetophobia (one single mention)

BASICS.

Min's full legal name is Minwoo Kim. He doesn't actually mind his name at all, he has no issue with Minwoo, but he also happens to really like how Min sounds. That, and he got sick of people mispronouncing his name all the time (the W is silent!). People were already calling him Min and he found it less annoying to let it stick. However, he will not be at all upset if somebody calls him Minwoo, so long as they say it correctly.

He grew up in a fully bilingual home and speaks Korean quite naturally (although he also has a bit of a talent for picking up languages so certainly helps).

As mentioned in Tomo's intro, Min and Tomo are best friends c: i love besties! Min was also slightly infatuated with Tomo when they first met but their relationship is strictly platonic. There are no romantic feelings between them.

Also, because I like making my muses know each other, he does also know Mio (sorry that their names are spelled so similarly); although Min is by no means a professional dancer, he does have some history with it (as I'll go on to explain) and he still finds it fun so he'll hang out at the dance studio with Mio and sometimes they'll work on stuff together. Any friendships Min does have are very important to him, as he's struggled with making his friends his whole life.

He can be vain and occasionally a little shallow but it mostly comes from a fear of being ignored; he likes to stand out because he doesn't want to fade into the background. He wants to be NOTICED. Please. He's begging you. (Except don't give him too much attention because he hates that too. Good luck figuring that out!) It also comes from a place of needing to be entirely himself. Min has felt like an outcast most of his life so, instead of worrying about not fitting in, he'd rather stand out. He puts EFFORT into how he looks. Eyeliner, shimmer eyeshadow, a great smelling perfume; these are all staples for Min. His hair always looks great too. Because of course it does. Hair's kind of his thing.

Min currently lives in a cottage in Delilah's Den Gated Community with his older cousin. Because his cousin was planning on living there regardless, Min is only expected to cover his own utilities and food costs. Otherwise, he'd likely live in Seal Harbour apartment complex; when he was still in London, he was living in a shitty little flat. Living in a nice little cottage is pleasant enough but he doesn't like the gated community much, finding it too boring and isolated after having lived in city as densely populated as London.

Strictly speaking, Min is bisexual but I think he has a pretty strong preference for masc identifying people and he'd probably rather date them (if i end up deciding to write him as gay, then that'll be a matter of him coming to that conclusion abt himself bc, right now, i'm not 100% sure). He never came out to his family, with the exception of his younger sister and his cousin. He's also a little weary about getting into relationships, given that his only real relationship was pretty abusive. Min would like to trust someone like that again but it'll take some patience. (Sex, however, is not something he has any real qualms about.)

Min is autistic! (YES i'm writing another autistic muse this wasn't even planned bc most of my muses here were pre-existing muses ASDFGHGF) This was diagnosed when he was child. Growing up, he never really learned how to mask and, frankly, he still doesn't know how. However, he's developed a sort of hyperawareness of how other people might perceive him and is often far too conscious of the risk of saying things other people don't understand. It doesn't really help. He's also got OCD, although it's a specific subtype where his compulsions aren't motivated by the fear of any terrible consequences and instead by his own discomfort (and there is a name for this but I can't, for the life of me, remember it). This tends to manifest as a fixation on details like symmetry and order but also often as germaphobia, although this is a little milder.

Min has three sisters, two older and one younger. He is the only son is family. His older sisters are both a few years older than him and his sister is five years younger so there's a bit of a gap between him and the next sibling either way.

Actually drinks too much Coca Cola. This probably explains his stroppiness, as well as his awful sleeping patterns. I remember early on, I had this whole Cherry Coke aesthetic for him which is funny because he doesn’t even drink it. Just regular Coke. Not Coke Zero. DEFINITELY not Diet Coke. Only regular Coke. He hates Pepsi.

He’s not as adventurous as Tomo in general but he still likes to tag along with Tomo to parties and clubs most of the time. There’s never any pressure for him to go if he doesn’t want to. Min's not a big drinker and the drugs are only an every-now-and-again thing for him but he likes hanging out with Tomo. Despite his (not always intentional) aloof attitude towards most other people, he also doesn’t mind helping Tomo out when he’s drunk because he likes feeling reliable. Min’s used to being treated like an irresponsible child or like he’ll smash into a thousand pieces if he does something wrong so it’s almost liberating to look out for someone. (That said, it goes both ways -- Tomo has definitely punched a guy for bothering Min before.)

BACKSTORY.

EARLY YEARS.

Min's early years aren't anything remarkable. He was the third child and only son of an ordinary couple, his father was a teacher and his mother a hairdresser. He was born and raised in London, where he would continue to live most of his life through until his 20s. He was raised in a Catholic family. They weren't especially religiously involved but he was baptised and he did the whole First Holy Communion and Confirmation thing. The works. He did attend a Catholic school (in the UK, this can be largely the same as any other public school, esp in terms of actual education and curriculum, just more...uh...Catholic and repressed) which did wonders for his emotional wellbeing as a closeted gay teenager...or not. Min himself is not religious at all.

From a young age, Min found himself drawn to performance. This love was first discovered in drama classes in Primary school. In Year 6 (equivalent of 5th Grade), he was cast as Gabriel in the school's Nativity play, wherein he got a solo song to himself. This sparked something in him and what he discovered was that he liked dancing best of all. He never dared to ask for dancing lessons, too embarrassed to admit he had an interest, but he would spend hours in his bedroom, teaching himself the basics. In Secondary school, he was able to continue taking roles in school plays, even if his roles were usually smaller. He'd had to beg his parents to let him take drama, instead of focusing solely on more academic pursuits, but he was never much of a theatre kid. He was never outgoing enough to land the big roles but he was happy enough to just have something about which he could feel passionate. His eldest sister, old enough to have some money put aside from her part-time job during Uni, eventually offered to pay for some dance classes; he didn't attend them that frequently, as he was relying on his sister having enough money, but he got a lot out of them.

His parents had wanted him to study something more academic at university, given that he was a clever child with good grades, but Min had since developed a very straight forward, narrow focus on the performing arts. For him, that was the only viable option. After a few arguments and the eventual intervention of his oldest sister, who'd insisted that Min was talented, his parents relented and allowed him to pursue a degree in dance.

LONDON.

Marking very little change from his experiences up until that point, Min struggled to make friends at Uni. Eventually, a compulsory group activity saw him swept into the fold of an established friend group and, although he did not feel he entirely fit in, for the first time he was among people not intent on judging him. He was able to make friends in the LGBT community and finally comes to terms with his own sexuality. It was around this time that Min really started putting effort into his looks; he'd finally found the freedom to be who he wanted. To be himself. At this point, he was still living at home. The changes were certainly noticed but, because he seemed to be doing well and because he seemed happier, nobody seemed to mind anymore.

However, it didn't take long for Min to buckle under the pressure. Barely into his second year of Uni, Min found himself struggling to cope; he'd decided to move out just before the academic year started, moving into a shitty little flat with a few friends, and he couldn't quite readjust to the changes. The social expectations of the course started to get too much and he lost focus. After repeatedly failing to show up to evaluations and flunking his assessments, he was asked to leave the course. The shame ate away at him; not only had he fucked everything up, he'd wasted his parents' money and made a fool of his sister for having any faith in him.

But that same sister was exactly the person to whom he turned. His student loans ran out quickly and he wasn't able to keep paying rent for the flat with his friends but his sister agreed to take him in for a short while, until he was ready to tell his parents the truth. It took him another month to finally come clean with them. To his shock, his mother was immediately understanding and took him under her wing as a trainee hairdresser. He'd later learn that his mum had already figured out what had happened because, despite her best efforts, his eldest sister wasn't very good at lying. His mother thought he might like to work alongside her because, after all, he seemed to be interested in fashion and style. It seemed she was right.

Min seemed to have a natural knack for hairstyling and quickly settled into his new career, finally accepting there were other things in life about which he could be passionate. He was able to get a job in another salon in the centre of London, somewhere a little more sleek and modern than his mother's place of work, and, having found a new place to stay with a mutual friend, he was finally thriving.

It was around this time that Min got into his first serious relationship, going exclusive with a former-classmate from Uni who was a few years older than him. This relationship was kept a very careful secret from Min's family but that only made it harder for him to recognise when the dynamic slipped into bullying. But, because Min had lived most of his life afraid of disappointing people, wracked by an overwhelming guilt that didn't seem to come from anywhere in particular and a hyperawareness of his inability to fit in with others, it wasn't easy for him to recognise what was happening. It was easy for him to assume he deserved it.

While his relationship continued to take a turn for the worse, Min found himself being given the opportunity to do hair for a fancy fashion event. It was at this event that he first met a dazzling young actor who'd come to London from Japan; Tomo Katsumura was unlike anybody Min had ever met. Free-spirited, full of spark, so unconcerned with what anybody else thought of him. They became fast friends, thanks to Tomo's natural ability to draw people in. It was bound to be a brief friendship as they'd have to part ways as soon as the event was over but it didn't take Tomo long to take a permanent mark on Min's life, showing him things he'd never seen before and dragging him to places to fancy for him to have ever visited himself.

"Your boyfriend fucking sucks," Tomo had said, just a few nights in, "Is he abusing you?" It had been such a blunt question that Min didn't know how to respond. He thought he ought to feel angry that this near-stranger would ask such an insensitive question. He could almost feel his skin burning. But, after a long silence, he finally said, "I really want to break up with him." Tomo shrugged. "Then do it," he had said, "I'll even come along for emotional support." It was the strangest thing a person Min had only known a week could have offered him. He didn't understand at all how quickly this man had managed to wriggle his way under his skin. But, for some reason, he trusted him. The break-up came the following night, in his boyfriend's flat. It had been nasty. Unpleasant. Cruel words exchanged. But it happened, and the whole thing somehow culminated in Tomo stepping in and punching Min's now-ex square in the nose, before grabbing Min by the wrist and escaping the flat, where Min started to laugh. And then he started to cry. So hard he ended up throwing up. But Tomo had been there the whole time, waiting at Min's side like a guardian angel.

And, then, when the two weeks of the event were up, Tomo went back to Japan, leaving Min with nothing but a promise that he'd try to stay in touch. That promise clearly proved hard to keep. For Min, everything suddenly went back to normal, save for the newfound absence of his shitty ex. And, suddenly, without the distraction of an awful relationship, Min started to see how bored he'd been. He loved his job and he loved London but his life felt stagnant.

ANCHORAGE.

Moving country was never an option Min had considered. It had never been something he wanted. Not until he'd met Tomo, who'd told him that moving abroad when his life felt all screwed up and changed everything. Besides, ever since that week, Min had grown hungry for adventure, seeing for real that was a whole world outside of his own bubble. When his older cousin, a writer who focuses on the weird and unexplained and had moved to Anchorage a few years before, comes to visit over the holidays, Min does not hesitate to ask take him back to Alaska with him. Ask. Beg. Whatever, it's all the same. Min doesn't really care about the destination, he just wants out of London. He wants a fresh start, away from everything that's starting to eat him alive. His cousin finally relents and agrees to take Min away with him. Min arrives in Anchorage during the late months of 2020, at the age of twenty-four.

Starting over wasn't immediately easy; he had to sit an exam to get a US-appropriate license before he could even think of getting a job but he'd had enough experience now to better cope with the changes in his life and earned his license with little trouble. He lands himself a job at Coyote Hair Salon and everything falls into place. Anchorage isn't too exciting most of the time but it's different than home and, to be honest, it's strange enough for it to feel like an adventure. Maybe he should be careful what he's wishing for.

Shortly after getting back to work, Min was also inspired to reignite his passion for dance. He signs for adult dance classes at a studio in town and, although they aren't at quite the level of polish one might expect from a good school in London, the energy is less intense. Less competitive. Dance becomes a way for him to destress.

Then, come early 2022, a very unexpected customer walks through the doors, asking for a stylist willing to help him fix a shitty self-inflicted hair dye job. Min looks up and sees none other than Tomo fucking Katsumura. (It later turns out that this isn't the wild coincidence it seems like and it's partly Min's fault that this is where Tomo has turned up. During their time in London together, Min had mentioned his cousin and commented that Anchorage seemed like the kind of place you'd go to run away from something, a place for hiding. Apparently, this stuck with Tomo long enough that it was the first place he thought of when deciding to 'escape' Los Angeles.)

(also sidenote YES this is another muse with a dance background but min was originally written as tomo's popstar best friend in another plot and i wanted to keep SOME element of that. min's main skill as a popstar was dance so it made the most sense to keep that specifically. also i think dancers are cool. min's biggest obstacle in his original plotline was an abusive record label so i guess i condensed that into his ex. i kept these references vague bc i didn't want to be too unpleasant about it but i think a lack of control, at some point in min's life, is integral to his characterisation.)