#and obviously he doesn’t mean that
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my dad called me his guardian angel and that i have more patience than my mom and i know i told myself he just says shit but like that actually helped cause same day he was like i do not want to be alone with you and ur crazy so like. that did help a lot!
#personal#he doesn’t mean it and apologizes when his mind comes back to him but like#still good to remember during the bad moments#and this will sound horrible but#it’s not bad. per say.#when he says the nice stuff#but sometimes i do get an uncomfortable spike of anger#it’s like he says stay with me don’t leave help me or calls me nice names like guardian angel or something else#and it’s a flash of anger like im not made for you i don’t exist just for you#and obviously he doesn’t mean that#but hearing that from the guy you’re basing ur whole life around for the past few months#who due to things out of his control and frankly some of his own nature can get pretty nasty#and god im pretty sure it’s just the demita and anxiety but he’s so needy#like my mom can’t get any sleep or space around him#and my dads acting like their married with all aspects and my moms allowing it bc she has her own complicated feelings on the matter#but mostly for him so that’s cool to watch in real time#also watching the stats of how marriage benefits men and not women while my dead sucks the life out of my mom#like he doesn’t mean to but he doesn’t let her relax sleep eat anything like she took a week off work to clean the house & take care of him#and not to martyr my mother cause love her sympathize with her she is still. her.#but no one deserves what she’s going through and i will never have a bad word to say about how she acted during all of this#other things? fuck yeah but this no she handled it like a saint#and she’s been treating me better too so that’s nice#but anyway so fucking needy. i can hear them talking rn bc my dad wakes my mom up to reassure himself#i mean last night i was with him for five hours never left and if i did i warned him. he goes to bed. wakes up screaming my name#not his fault he wants to be reassured but jesus#i mean you go to the kitchen or bathroom from the living room and he says hurry back and interrupts you mid wipe#i’m a little spoiled bc he lets me go to my room some days but my mom doesn’t have any luck#he should get better with meds hopefully#and then worst of all you’ll#okay literally stopped typing bc my dad wouldn’t let my mom sleep and she freaked 😭😭😭 i talked him into just laying down but for how longuh
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“Phoenix Wright is averse to physical confrontation and only uses harsh words” are we all playing the same game here? Phoenix Wright is ready to throw hands at any time. He just has self control (usually). 😤
#text#ace attorney#second bad Phoenix take I’ve seen just this week#not constantly getting into fights with people doesn’t mean he’s averse to it#okay that last one is obviously a joke lmaoooo#phoenix wright
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Well Drawfee is officially no longer safe media for me :(
Karina liked multiple tweets conflating a PSA for antisemitism with Israeli propaganda and claiming that Israel planned its assault to coincide with the superbowl…
Julia liked posts claiming that the war isn’t a war. Nobody has liked anything about antisemitism or even acknowledging Jews are in danger right now.
TBH I’m devastated.
I have Drawfee art all over my home. I was actually gonna become a patron this year. I’d literally been saving to make it feasible. This is crushing. I feel sick.
#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#drawfee#heartbroken#debated putting this in the Drawfee tag or not#but ultimately I think it’s important#I don’t wanna start fandom drama or Discourse TM#I just want there to be a record of how their silence on antisemitism#and liking of conspiratorial tweets#is affecting a very fragile community#and Nathan being Jewish doesn’t change this for me#his Jewishness does not shield me from his coworkers antisemitism#even though I wanna believe that antisemitism is unintentional#and I’m so happy for Nathan if he feels supported by his friends and coworkers#he obviously knows them better than I ever will#and I’m not calling in Jews to take sides over this or anything#I’m happy that Nathan doesn’t seem to be affected by this#it must mean he has a wonderful support system and that his friends and coworkers are better#at showing their support irl than they are online#and that is important and valid#but it doesn’t change how it affects Jews like me who only experience them through a screen#and do not have a support system#they don’t owe me anything#I don’t expect anything from any of them#but I also cannot deny that I am harmed#by the fact that they didn’t acknowledge the conflict until it affected people who aren’t Jewish#and have still not acknowledged that it affects people who are Jewish#and I especially cannot handle Karina’s clear support for the idea that a Super Bowl PSA for antisemitism prevention#is somehow a sinister Israeli plot and not evidence of the terrible time that Jews like me are having rn#I feel like I lost a friend tbh
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There’s some people on Twitter saying that if Eddie were to have a queer storyline he’d necessarily have to come out as bisexual because otherwise it would be like – and I quote – shitting on Shannon and Chris, and I just wanted to come in here to say that that makes absolutely no fucking sense. I don’t think anyone here has ever doubted the love Eddie has for Shannon, even after her passing. Particularly after 7x05, with the context of the now canon catholic guilt, Eddie being gay (not that I think he’d label himself anyway) would complete a puzzle for him. This man was brought up in a catholic home, with catholic teachings, and I can tell you from experience that most of those schools intervene in every aspect of your life and not just your studies. He has said it himself that the reason he married her was because she was pregnant, which again, is a very common catholic view of life – and I’m not speaking deprecatingly – but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her, or his son. Eddie loved Shannon, he would’ve given her life for her, and I also know he never used her as a beard, nor has he done that with Ana or Marisol. He’s never used any of the women in his life, and in fact, he actually broke up with Ana the second he realized his heart wasn’t in it. Eddie Diaz is a good man who’s had to unconsciously and subconsciously hide parts of himself, and even though all we can do is speculate about his sexuality, his coming out as gay would not destroy his family, it would actually only strengthen it, considering he’d be more comfortable being who he is, regardless of who he’s with.
#stop presenting gay men who find out later in life about their sexuality as monsters#just because he married a woman and had a child with her doesn’t mean his coming out would erase his feelings for them#he’s a good person#who obviously loves them both to the bone#I don’t hear anybody saying the same thing about Michael#nobody questions his love for Athena and his kids#as they shouldn’t#I’m just so tired#don’t villainize Eddie Diaz bro#911 fox#911#911 tv show#911 abc#eddie diaz#911 spoilers#911 season 7#911 speculation#911 on abc#911 show#911 season seven#911 s7#christopher diaz#shannon diaz
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“an exceedingly pleasant and amiable young gentleman but… mentally he is negligible - quite negligible” is the Jeeves and Wooster equivalent of “she is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me”
#just thinking#especially because after that#lizzie despises darcy and refuses to humour him#constantly trying to prove that she doesn’t like him and that she’s more than tolerable thank you#meanwhile darcy’s falling in love#that’s exactly what happens to bertie and jeeves#bertie embarks on a quest to prove jeeves wrong#while jeeves becomes more and more fond#until it culminates in TYJ and RHJ#is the bicycle scene in RHJ a parallel to the rainy proposal in P&P?#who’s to say#is that what wodehouse intended me to think? positively not#anyway i did write like the opening two chapters of a p&p version of jeeves and wooster#where jeeves was darcy and bertie elizabeth#obviously madeline was jane and gussie bingley#they fit the roles quite well because jeeves was over here like “i have never met anyone i can call truly accomplished”#and having insane tension with bertie#and at the same time gussie was just like “miss bassett can i show you another newt”#i mean jeeves has a habit of ending engagements if he disapproves#very fitzwilliam darcy of him#jeeves and wooster#bertie wooster#reginald jeeves#pg wodehouse#jooster#sorry long tags#i got too into the pride and prejudice
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“crocomom” this “trans sir crocodile” that *WRONG BUZZER SOUND EFFECT*
what if i told you it’s actually the opposite!!! and dragon is the one who birthed luffy!!
thats why he was capable of hiding his pregnancy and luffy from crocodile!!!
that’s why crocodile didn’t know luffy!!! and was about to kill him!!!!
#do you see the vision here?#hes so omega on the run coded#i believe in trans/bottom dragon supremacy#peak yaoi drama#obviously that doesn’t mean you can’t hc or believe in crocodile being trans!!#like its fiction!!! you do with it what ever you want#i love my old man yaoi#sir crocodile#monkey d dragon#dragon the revolutionary#one piece#crocodile/dragon#dragodile#crocodad#dragomom
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i’ve said this soooo many times but i cannot believe the widespread fandom take on nightmares is ‘episode that proves john didn’t hit the kids or at least that sam didn’t know about :)’ NO??? that entire episode is to directly parallel sam to max??? i really hate to break it to you guys but sam being like Damn at least we weren’t and aren’t still being regularly beat to shit by the two male parental figures in our lives 🙏 lucky to have dad fr is not the same as him saying Wow i’m so grateful dad never hit us at all. essentially he is literally like ‘if dad had got drunk more often and hadn’t channeled his energy into hunting maybe we would’ve ended up like max. guess i should be grateful he didn’t”. hello. how does that endorse an entirely violence-free parenting style. like have your own interpretation. but the text of the episode isn’t saying John didn’t hit them. the text of the episode is intentionally bringing up the concept of john hitting them, withholding direct judgement/confirmation on whether it happened and keeping it ambiguous, sure, but still bringing it to our attention.
#Supernatural withholds judgement on everything so like.#it does it well in early seasons ambiguity is good! and. Less Well in later seasons#it’s also ironic cause like. i mean they were regularly Getting beat to shit via.#. monster fighting. neglecting to protect kids from physical harm also counts as physical abuse. btw.#but that’s like. the obvious takeaway#and so is dean’s little Look at the end of the ep which is obviously meant to imply that he doesn’t agree with sam. which. well#but like. idk it’s a widespread fandom idea too that if john did hit them he only hit dean. i even used to go by that!! but ur ignoring even#more subtext if u think that#and like#it’s Purposeful that the first psychic kid we see who sam very strongly identifies with#is a kid w a physically abusive father they write like this on purpose….#they do it again with sam in s7 too. him & amy pond r directly paralleled and we see her mom hit her on screen that eps what made me change#my mind re my opinion on this in regards to sam#anyway.#spn#oliver talks#winchester family dynamics#spn 1x14
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Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word — about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!
There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!
I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)
And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.
#there’s a whole other bit to this about how like. it’s hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive#at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt don’t always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just#makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection.#he’s very much his father’s son in that way. that’s why Sam. the guy he’s been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up#hurting the most. it’s tragedy. it’s realistic. it’s a good fucking mess.#and that’s why I don’t get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the#parts that make him a character worth revisiting. he’s so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the#time he doesn’t but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and it’s just. I get why someone might take this#part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that he’s stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is.#he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this.#Dean’s degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who#can’t heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him#being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and#then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation.#it’s good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody.#maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now.#spn#dean winchester#tw abuse
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My hot take is that I think Kai did raise nya but he was an objectively bad and lacking parental figure (because he was like 7) who wasn’t able to properly fulfill Nya emotional needs and as a result (as well as the general stress of the situation) nya is as heavily traumatized as Kai.
#ninjago#ninjago kai#ninjago nya#I don’t get why some people don’t understand that just because Kai raised nya doesn’t mean she’s not traumatized#she very obviously is#Kai was a child he is going to be a bad parent that’s just a given#if anything I’ll argue that Nya is even more emotionally traumatized then Kai who is more physically traumatized#there’s a reason why Kai recovers faster then Nya#recover is in large quotations#when I say the situation is tragic and complex I mean it’s tragic and complex#no answer anyone comes up with is going to create a childhood where they’re happy#it objectively will not happen#and I think ppl who try to force that narrative are taking away from both Kai AND Nya’s character#Nya is just as affected as Kai and pretending she was happy and oblivious is stupid
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So you’ve been/had a relationship with:
-Evil Fish (Siren)
-Cult Leader/Evil Scientist (Fiddleford)
-Evil Triangle (Bill)
Ford…you have a type…you like bad boys, don’t you?
I don’t—Have a ‘type’.
Besides—Fiddleford..wouldn’t have gone down the path he did if I hadn’t been there.
—And, Calypso isn’t evil.
#he doesn’t mean that in a good way. obviously.#regarding fiddleford#he’s not denying any of it though.#calypso has MY heart though kissy face#ford pines#bill cipher#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls roleplay#billfordivorce#sirenfordivorce#fiddauthor#the mind boggles
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“Shadow of the Erdtree was badly written because Freyja saying Radahn would happily return and wage endless war if given the chance is a huge retcon that ruins both characters”
I feel like maybe we as the player are simply supposed to recognize that Freyja was like. incorrect about this.
#they can’t read item descriptions#and more importantly you can admire and look up to somebody but be wrong about what they want and what’s best for them#I’m pretty sure the conclusion we’re meant to draw here is that Miquella’s plans are harming people or ignoring what’s best for them#Freyja’s loyalties are skewed because she owes Miquella and loves to fight. that doesn’t make her dumb or bad. she’s just incorrect here.#she’s not infallible and correct about everything she says just because she’s beefy and hot#remember Ansbach thought Freyja would see the situation as Radahn being used the same way Mohg is#he was mistaken (and obviously the fact he chose to follow Mohg also calls HIS judgement into question)#maybe there’s simply another interpretation that means we don’t have to disavow the DLC forever is all#look I’m sorry to be so snotty about it but I DON’T get this reflexive hostility to the SotE ending#anyway.#ER narrative#SotE spoilers#Freyja#Shadow of the Erdtree#Radahn#Miquella#Mohg
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i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc
#what am i trying to say here?#idk! think about all of the pieces you have#dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways#and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff#when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for#and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death#and what ‘dying’ really means#being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this#much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is#to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like?????#akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant#he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him#but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou#he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her??#all such interesting interpretations#i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful#like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him#if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again#like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is#it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’#sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes#it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING#like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!!#compel me even#anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway#dais.txt
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Ted and Roy’s relationship is soooo underrated. Ted looked at Roy the very first day and said THAT is the guy, I need to win him over. He took no shit and didn’t patronise him, and helped him pull himself out of the dark hole of depression he’d pulled himself in.
I’m always thinking about that one Brett interview where he said that if you asked someone like Roy what he’d do after football, he’d say, play until he no longer can and kill himself. THAT was Roy’s mental state when Ted arrived. He literally gave him a purpose — not like he handed it to him, but like he helped Roy see who he could be and where he wanted to be. If Ted is Mary Poppins, Roy is Mr Banks; when Ted leaves Richmond behind, he leaves it in Roy’s care. It’s a legacy.
Ted left such a mark on Roy and quite possibly saved his life. I think we should talk more about this.
#ted lasso#theodore lasso#roy kent#ted lasso meta#There’s one scene in 1.09 where Roy says#‘I’m usually good at hiding my anger’ and Ted is like ‘You think so uh?’#And obviously it’s a funny moment for the audience because Roy is always SO fucking angry and we see it#but on rewatch it’s clear he means it#He’s always much angrier than what he shows. keeps himself on a leash all the time#it’s a volcano of rage inside and most of it is at himself#and anyway. Ted teases him a little but doesn’t invalidate him#doesn’t dismiss what he’s saying#it’s such an underrated moment and I love it so much#more Ted & Roy please
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something I see a lot, and feel like I have to remind myself regularly not to fall into the trap of:
It’s easy to relate to a character. It’s easy to see yourself in them, to see them as Like You. There’s power in that.
But I’ve met several people now who’ve gotten really angry and upset with me for not liking their fave, or for having a very different interpretation of the character than they do. People who relate so hard to a character, project so hard onto a character, that me not liking them, me acknowledging that the character is a villain, or me just having a different interpretation of that character’s relationships and motives, feels like an attack on them as a person—and they respond to me as such.
I’ve seen it happen enough that I try to consciously remind myself. Other’s people’s interpretations of a character are not an attack on me. I know who I am and that will not change if other people are wrong about have a different perspective on my favorite character.
#Like I GET IT I get itttt there’s a reason I have to remind myself of this regularly#It HURTS to see people take an aro character and go. Well they’re not REALLY aro they’re just traumatized/lying/need to find The One#Obviously NOT wanting romance is impossible so this character can’t ACTUALLY not want romance#And I have to grit my teeth and go. I know who I am#And you having That Opinion does not change who I am#But I’ve had people get livid at ME for interpreting Hera as aro and non-binary rather than allo and a trans woman#For interpreting Kepler as an entitled bully rather than a master strategist who has overcome a lot of adversity to get where he is#Seen people yell at the writers of the Homestuck Epilogues#Because Jane’s story arc means that the writers hate anyone who relates to Jane and thinks they are inherently evil#Even people who act like anyone who doesn’t like their ship is just in denial and will like the ship if badgered enough#And I don’t want to become That Person#fandom
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#been trying to figure out how to ‘discern God’s Will’ for years now#and think somethings finally starting to hit me#went through this phase where it was like I know God’s Will because he has Revealed it to me (wrong)#or at least like. it’s not like here is a prophetic dream of all your future and now you must make sure your decisions line up with that#<-not how it works#then I went through this phase like how can I make Any decision if I don’t know the exact decision God would have me make here? i don’t have#the roadmap how do I know which way to turn?#<-contrary to popular belief life is NOT a Highway#then I went through a phase like oh! i have to be ok not knowing and trust God! leave that all to him and just do the thing in front of me!#<-yes!! but also. still leaves me incapable of making decisions#but now I’m getting to this construct:#for trying to make decisions:#1. orient your desires toward pleasing God#ie. hm. what can I do to please God?#note: this means what can I do to *please God* as in what pleases him?#what kinds of things are good what does he like?#2. oh! he likes these kinds of things I know (from what he’s told us) so what can *I* do to please God#based on what my skills and passions and circumstances are#in my unique way how can I please God?#and then 3. pursue some of those things and let God close and open doors as he will#and work to be content which is much easier when your goal is just to please him! like a lover their beloved or a child their parent#cause if that doesn’t please Him then it’s contrary to your goal and you don’t mind losing it so much#*this is all in a case of open ended decisions especially#cause obviously if it’s a good choice or a bad choice you should do the right thing that’s God’s will#but when it’s like jobs or moves or spouses of restaurants or whatever#God’s not a fortune cookie! you can’t anticipate his providence and make it happen yourself!#he’s *providing* it as you go! unbeknownst to you generally!#anyways! that’s where I’m landing#what can I do to *please God*. what can *I* do to please God. what *can* I do to please God
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The thing about how sam’s arc in season 4 is often discussed is that people simultaneously acknowledge that the angels are bad, while claiming Sam is an idiot for rebelling against them.
like I have listened through three (3) rewatch podcasts and they always seem to fall into this loop of going ‘hey the angels are Obviously up to no good’ while also going ‘Sam is really stupid. Why would he trust a demon when literal angels are telling him to stop’
idk man. Maybe bc the angels are Obviously up to no good????
#And it’s a really good arc so it’s got more going on#BUT#y’all can’t recognize that the angels are being shady as fuck and offering awful solutions#while SIMULTANEOUSLY saying that Sam should trust them implicitly#and yes there’s a lot of like very personal religious rebellion that’s going on with Sam that IS a bit .. petulant isn’t the right word#but he’s reacting to a /personal/ slight bc angels were supposed to be his hope and they are Dicks#He /was/ blinded by that#but also keep in mind that the first time sam met the angels they were proposing that they kill 1k+ people#And then there’s the flip side of this#which is that Sam gets to the point where he accepts that he’s evil. That what he’s doing is turning him into a monster.#but that doesn’t matter. /he/ doesn’t matter. So long as it saves the world#I mean the angels obviously aren’t trying too hard#lea speaks#sorry I keep dragging up dumb shit abt spn#idk I just want to get it out and this is a nice void to do so
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