#and now I can’t have an AU where Ozai and Ursa aren’t good parents

[hyacinths-in-a-storm]

I’ve been consuming a lot of secret admirer AUs, so enjoy this doodle I made

[zuko-always-lies]

ATLA AU Idea which is Basically “Azula Raises Katara for Several Years”

I’ve had this idea kicking around my head for months, and, since I have no intention of writing it, I figure I might as well post it. To be clear, the premise of this fanfic is “Azula, Katara, and Sokka get traumatized in ways they weren’t in canon, but the events that traumatize them potentially help lead to a better outcome in the long-term,” so be prepared for rough sailing.

This idea is very much inspired by all the “Katara gets kidnapped young and raised within the Fire Nation royal family” fanfics, which I think can be excellent if done with care. However, in a situation where Katara and Azula develop a relationship when they are young, the natural tendency is to make Katara the “motherly” or parental one, and I wanted to turn that on its head. I also wanted to explore some of the possible implications of Azula taking on adult sized responsibilities as a child and of the perverse ways that power differentials can influence things. I also wanted to explore some of the ways that Azula’s commitment to duty and responsibility can be a positive thing. Another ~2000 or so words under the cut.

The premise is that, shortly after Zuko gets banished, Katara gets captured by the Southern Raiders as the last Southern Water Tribe waterbender and brought back to Caldera and presented as a trophy to Ozai. Ozai’s first reaction is to have her executed, but fortunately Azula is also present in the throne room. For reasons which Azula doesn’t entirely understand herself but which definitely have something to do with her guilt over what happened to Zuko, Azula decides to intervene, despite the risks involved. However, not being Zuko, she manages to do this without provoking Ozai, through convincing him that Katara is more valuable alive as a trophy, a symbol, and a plaything than she is dead. Ozai doesn’t really care that much, so he pawns Katara off to Azula and basically forgets about her, accidentally using language that implies to Azula that Katara and taking care of Katara is now Azula’s responsibility. Azula is at an age where she’s started to take her responsibilities and duties with deadly seriousness.

Katara doesn’t know what to make of this all.  She’s been severely traumatized by being kidnapped and torn from her family and culture and by having her life threatened by Ozai. She’s aware that Azula saved her life, but the language Azula used to in order to do so sounds warped and screwed up to Katara, who is unaware that Azula had to say what she said in order to manipulate Ozai.  Katara noticed that Azula seemed a little nervous when she talked to Ozai, but Katara doesn’t initially know how risky and dangerous what Azula did was.

Again, Azula takes her responsibilities with deadly seriousness. So, when it becomes her responsibility to take care of Katara, Azula is determined to do the best possible job, even though she’s 11 and Katara is also 11. If there were any responsible adults present, they would intervene and talk to Azula about how awful an idea this is, but there aren’t any left.  In any case, Katara’s waterbending abilities make it so she has to be kept under some kind of supervision, Azula is perceptive enough to worry that Katara might be mistreated if she got fostered out, and in any case Azula is convinced she can do a better job than any foster family.

Azula is a badly abused 11 year old who grew up indoctrinated in an absolutely toxic ideology. She’s never really seen good parenting in her life. The idea of her trying to parent should be terrifying. Yet she’s aware that Ursa didn’t do the best job with her, and since Katara isn’t a “monster” Azula sees no reason to replicate Ursa’s behavior. Azula believes the way that Ozai treats her is absolutely justified, even though she has some knowledge of its negative effects on her, but since Katara isn’t a princess who has immense duties to her nation and family, Azula sees no reason to treat her that way. In fact, Azula is aware of ignorance about parenting, and tries to read as much about parenting as she can. She also reads as much about the water tribes as she can in order to try to understand Katara better.

In terms of being a “parent,” Azula is overall a little standoffish, absent, and demanding.  She doesn’t need to directly look after Katara’s physical care(she has servants for that), but she has to look after Katara’s emotional needs, her education, and her overall care. As a temporary measure, she arranges that Katara sleep on a cot in Azula’s room because she’s not sure where to put her, and this arrangement becomes permanent. This means Azula and Katara usually eat together, since Azula has taken most of her meals in her room, but Azula is very busy with her duties, training, and education, so they don’t spend much time together in a typical day. Azula has Katara officially declared a servant(but one who only reports to Azula) in order to regularize her status and allow Katara to draw a salary(most of which Azula holds in escrow for when Katara comes of age), but Azula only rarely asks Katara to do work; Katara had far more chores back in the Southern Water Tribe. On the other hand, Azula demands that Katara work hard in her education and on practicing her waterbending. Katara is too old to be sent to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls, but Azula obtains tutors for her, in addition to getting her whatever waterbending scrolls she can and trying to obtain the best possible bending coaches for Katara’s waterbending, sometimes even stepping in herself to try to coach Katara.

Azula is aware that Katara wants to return home, but she doesn’t think that Ozai would ever allow that, and, in any case, Azula is an imperialist who thinks Katara is better off being “civilized” in the Fire Nation than she would be back in her ignorant and “savage” home.  A large portion of Katara’s education is intended to “civilize” her. Azula doesn’t have firm ideas of where adult Katara will fit into Fire Nation society but plays with the idea of marrying her into the nobility or of making her governor of the conquered Water Tribes. So overall, Azula does a shockingly good job as “parent” given she’s an abused 11 year child acting within the toxic norms of the Fire Nation, but that still means she does a bad job, and her relationship with Katara remains pretty toxic.

Ozai and the rest of the court have some awareness of what’s going on, but they honestly don’t care as long Azula continues to be an exemplary princess, fulfills her duties, and continues to exceed expectations. Some members of the court even find Azula’s personal commitment to “civilizing” a savage to be inspiring. However, the burden of taking care of Katara means that Azula is under even more pressure than she is in canon, with the good news being that Azula has something more of a support network than in canon. Katara provides some measure of support, and in this AU Azula never has the energy to really push Ukano’s political career forward, and so Mai never has to leave, so Ty Lee also stays put.

Katara, again, is severely traumatized by her experiences, and to a degree feels helpless. She knows that she can’t escape and go back home. She’s resentful of Azula and particularly of the efforts to cut Katara off from her culture, but at the same time Katara ends internalizing some Fire Nation culture. Yet after a while Katara gets a sense of how toxic the environment is at the Royal Court, and she soon(after overhearing a conversation between Mai and Ty Lee which was supposed to be confidential) learns what happened to Zuko and realizes how much Azula risked in order to protect Katara, and Katara can’t help but feel intense gratitude to Azula for it. Azula also gradually becomes more and more respectful of Water Tribe culture, and Katara deeply appreciates the emphasis Azula places on Katara mastering waterbending.  Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee are also the only people in the Fire Nation who are ever consistently kind to Katara, and Katara ends up deeply bonding with each one of them, although the resulting relationships are not the healthiest. Katara eventually starts to develop a sense of how each one of them has been deeply victimized by Fire Nation culture. Azula goes to great lengths to hide her own struggles and pain from Katara, but Katara spends a lot of time with her and sometimes notices. Several years in, Katara notices some positive changes in Azula and begins to play with the idea that she can positively influence Azula so that Azula will be become a kinder and anti-imperialist Firelord.

Azula thinks Katara’s waterbending is the coolest thing ever(well, aside from firebending at least), a sentiment shared to a lesser degree by Mai and Ty Lee. Azula also thinks that learning to fight is vital, so she brings Katara along for her spars with Mai and Ty Lee. Katara makes rapid progress, particularly due to her access to many waterbending scrolls. As a result of this, and of Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee not separating, all four girls end up being significantly better combatants than they were in canon.

Mai and Ty Lee have complex reactions to Katara, but they eventually come to like and even love her. There is an element of resentment present because Katara takes up so much of the ever busy Azula’s time, but Azula forces her friends to spend time with Katara, and they end up bonding with her.  Katara’s empathy and compassion works in her favor here, especially since she rapidly develops into one of the few people who sees and appreciates them for who they are. Mai and Ty Lee also find Katara’s waterbending to be an interesting and intriguing method of combat, soon come to respect Katara’s budding combat skills, and, as people deeply unhappy with their own places in society, they find Katara’s stories of life at the south pole to be interesting. Mai has issues with Katara being a little too “motherly,” but on the other hand appreciates that Katara pays attention to Mai’s actual desires and needs.  Ty Lee sometimes finds Katara to be a little too similar to her for comfort, but also at the same time appreciates Katara’s caring side and the way she’s not reluctant to give her positive attention. Frequently Azula is too busy to join her friends, so Katara, Ty Lee, and Mai end up hanging out together. Freaks and outsiders stick together.

Azula, through her research into the Water Tribes, personal experience with Katara, and interest in Katara’s waterbending, begins to subtly yet strongly move in anti-imperialist directions and doubt Fire Nation ideology, but her transformation has scarcely begun by the time Book 1 begins. She does benefit from better relationships with her friends, though, and Katara gives her some emotional support. Meanwhile, to a lesser degree Mai and Ty Lee have had their own doubts develop about imperial ideology.

Azula tends to see her relationship with Katara mainly in terms of responsibility and duty, but she ultimately comes to fiercely love Katara.

Zuko and Iroh do their things, just like in canon.  They receive vague reports about Katara’s presence in court, but they don’t understand the significance of them.

Sokka gets badly traumatized by losing his sister and believes her to be killed by the Fire Nation. Hakoda, Bato, and the water tribe warriors also still leave to fight the Fire Nation. Sokka is absolutely dedicated to seeking vengeance on the Fire Nation, and when he accidently defrosts Aang, he sees an opportunity.

Book 1 largely plays out the same, with minor changes. I think an interesting one is that Suki ends up joining a badly understrength Team Avatar and temporally leaving her warriors behind in order to aid Avatar Kyoshi’s reincarnation with the fulfillment of his destiny.

Book 2 opens with Azula being sent to capture Zuko and Iroh. Mai and Ty Lee tag along, in part with the hope of making sure Zuko is captured without being harmed, and Azula decides to bring Katara too rather than leave her alone in Caldera.  However, the operation goes south, and Azula, Mai, Ty Lee, and Katara soon find themselves hunting the Avatar. Katara’s loyalties are about to be tested like never before…Meanwhile, Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee all have seeds of anti-imperialism growing within them, but what will it take for these seeds to blossom and give fruit? Meanwhile, Azula grapples with not only her canon trauma but also the trauma she experienced through her parentification.

[talpy]

Avatar fic rec post

Hi people, this is an Avatar fic rec post for @kuruccha​ who wanted a primer. Happy Avatar renaissance to you :D

Everything under cut, because boy, there are a lot of fics. Forgive me for being repetitive in my recs, but they are all so good and amazing and *melts in a sea of feelings*

First, some authors who are so, so very good and my favourites by them (fics aren’t in any particular order, authors are in alphabetic order):

Avocadolove  (Tumblr: @awesomeavocadolove​ )

The Problem with Zuko: I love the idea that Zuko finds his way to team Avatar even without the Agni Kai and the rest. One of my favourites fics for at least 10 years.

Another Brother: Zuko was adopted by Hakoda, but he doesn’t remember his past. I really like how Iroh is portrayed in this story, very interesting!

Unchained Melody: Sokka doesn’t return with his body after being spirit-napped from Her Bai. Strangely, only Zuko can see him. I really love how everything is developed here :)

Consider Chaos: series where Zuko finds Vaatu and becomes the Chaos!Avatar. Really interesting premise, cooler effects!

Half a Heart: Zukka!soumates AU. Very interesting choices about world building and Hakoda’s character.

Haircrescendo

Carry On For You: from the series intro “Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.”. I like it a lot, amazing adaptions and backstory building for Zuko. It focuses on Zuko and Sokka.

Compassion For All Our Monsters: intro “How Sokka learned to shut up and be nice, and also learn a little bit more about Zuko than he wanted to.” mandatory Sokka-finds-out-about-Zuko’s-past.

Fire Nation Yacht Club: one of the angstiest series I’ve read, I love it and I re-read it like once a month. Intro of the fist fic “Sokka knows three (3) things: 1. The caldera is on fire. 2. Ozai’s really, really dead (and so is his daughter). 3. The only one having a worse day is probably Zuko.”

What We’re Given: such an amazing series! Intro “Started out as a “What would happen if Zuko happened to rediscover sky bison while searching for the Avatar?” and turned into something more than that.” Zuko blasting Aang for not washing Appa properly will always be amazing xD

MuffinLance (Tumblr: @muffinlance​, suggest following for plot-bunnies)

Towards the Sun: Zuko doesn’t manage to escape on the Day of the Black Sun, a very angst novella-length intro ensues. I love this a lot because of the angst and how it sparkled inspiration for other stories with a similar premise.

Salvage: here it his, the original dad!koda fic. Intro “Mid-Season-One Zuko is held ransom by Chief Hakoda. Ozai's replies to the Water Tribe's demands are A+ Parenting. Hakoda is… deeply concerned, for this son that isn't his, and who might be safer among enemies than with his own father.” Lots of feelings and amazing A+ writing.

The One Where Zuko's Hair Matches Sokka's and Other Tales: fillets from tumblr, extra material, general awesomeness all around.

Miscellaneous

The Home I've Searched For by Kayasurin: I didn’t know Azula/Kuei could be that good! Really awesome story, amazing Azula.

The Festival of Four by SuperKat: Aang knows his time is coming near and he says goodbye. Very touching and moving (yes I did cry), amazing Aang voice.

Sunday in the Park with Appa by Dracze: Parks and Recreation!AU, Aang as Leslie Knope and Zuko as Ben Wyatt. I loved how the AU was adapted on the characters and on the format -blogging instead of “watching in camera”.

Like Fire and Water by Setari: Sokka and Katara find their father in Ba Sing Se with his new wife, Ursa. Very funny, especially when Sokka/Katara and Zuko/Azula realise that they are siblings.

the beginning of a new and brighter birth by aloneintherain: from the intro “In a new era of peace, Zuko works to be a very different Fire Lord than his forefathers.”. I love how Zuko tries to make changes in the Fire Nation at the start of his reign.

The Family You Choose by TunaFishChris: the platonic Gang soulmate AU I needed without knowing. I liked it a lot, especially at the end. One of my favourites!

illustrate the remnants of the life i used to live by WitchofEndor: also a platonic Gang soulmate AU but much angstier. This Zuko is simply heartbreaking.

where the stars do not take sides by WitchofEndor: intro “When Azula is nine, she becomes an only child. She hears the Fire Lord call for Zuko's life, and in the morning, her mother and brother are gone. Azula may be young, but she isn't naive. She knows what happened to them. Which makes it all the more surprising when Azula tracks the Avatar down and fights his group of peasant friends, only to find herself staring into an eerily familiar face.” as beautiful as it sounds, really amazing Azula voice.

Doe-eyed by OldeShoestrings: Azula as the big sister of Zuko. I love how Azula is fundamentally the same but how her being the old sister changes everything. I like this a lot.

How to Care for Your Local Fire Lord; A Memoir by The Palace Staff by RejectsCanon: the fire palace’s stuff joins the Zuko protection squad. I salute them.

The Sins Of Our Family by Mangaluva: amazing series inspired by Towards the Sun. Intro “Zuko didn't escape the Fire Nation on the day of the eclipse. Azula decides to invite him to her coronation, setting off a chain of events involving abuse, trauma, siblings, recovery, and rebuilding.”. Really love this portrayal of the fire siblings.

There Is No Fire Lord by OccasionalStorytelling: other fic inspired by Towards the Sun, basically Zuko remains in prison even if he is basically the Fire Lord. The plot soon becomes its own creature and I love how it develops.

Two Perspectives by Sabretoothgooselion: series about Zuko and Kuei, really lovely. As of now there are 2 fics, but apparently more are in the works. Cannot wait!

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by meliebee: the first year and something of Zuko reign. Amazing Zuko voice, very angst, much approved.

and love will be your teacher by Ford_Ye_Fiji: series on hiatus, AU where Azulon doesn’t die and takes Zuko away from Ozai giving him to Iroh instead. Very very nice, I love the relationship between Zuko and Iroh.

Of Dead Fire and Dragon Dreams by ChickadeeChickadoo: during the Day of the Black Sun Ozai lies to Zuko saying that Iroh is dead. Zuko redirects lightening to him and he finds himself Fire Lord. Very cool story, love Azula in here.

In the Soft Light by CSHfic, VSfic: Zukka, moon-spirit-Sokka!AU. I love this story so much! Zuko is so very an awkward turtleduck here.

How to Disappear Completely by aeoleus & the long way around by ciaconnaa: two modern Au where Zuko is Kiyi’s guardian, very very nice.

kintsugi by discordiansamba: when Zuko is banished he becomes Toph’s bodyguard. Yes it is as amazing as it sounds.

it's the illusion of separation by argentoswan: very nice Zukka!modern Au. Sokka starts working at the Jasmine Dragon, but alas, his old high school bully Zuko works there too. I love how Zuko’s past with the gaang was adapted and how the relationship between him and Sokka develops.

Finding Solace in Parking Lots by RejectsCanon: Zukka!Modern au, Sokka and Zuko find themselves in the same McDonalds’ parking lot having a breakdown. Really really lovely.

Fractures by EvieNyx: instead of being banished, Ozai imprisons Zuko far from everyone’s eyes. When Ozai and Azula are defeated he evolves from prisoner to Fire Lord in one big step. Love the characters and the cliffhangers!

Fight by Electrons: Zuko doesn’t side with Azula at Crossroads of destiny, but that doesn’t make everything much easier. Amazing word-building and lovely dive in cultural diversity. Also, ace!Zuko which is very lovely.

Dragon of the Yuyan by 00AwkwardPenguin00: intro “In which Zuko is fostered/adopted/raised/recruited by the Yuyan Archers of Pouhai Stronghold, and destiny hiccups.” very very cool story, I really like how Zuko is portrayed here.

Always trust Sokka's instincts by Thisisentertaining: whereas Jet shows Sokka an interesting Fire Nation prisoner... a Zuko-joins-the-Gaang-early-Au. Very very good :D

all my skeletons out for the taking by 136108: Azula wins the Agni Kai. It’s still on progress but for now it’s very very good and I can’t wait to read what’s happening next.

Mark Time by foil: yes, another Zukka modern au. This is very very angst, be careful with the tags’ warnings. This story keeps surprising me and I hope Zuko and Sokka will find their happy ending.

[theotherace]

Current AU, 1

AU kicks off with Aang killing Ozai (Not because I’m one of those people who wanted to see a 12-year-old on a kid’s show murder someone, or because I think killing Ozai was the right thing to do, or because I think Aang should have had to sacrifice his morals and values, but because it’s an interesting thing to explore. I’m not so good with plotting and worldbuilding, but I am (I’d say) very decent with emotions. Also, the Lion Turtle did kind of come out of nowhere. Maybe someday, I’ll write an AU where energybending is established earlier on (when they’re in the library, maybe) and he wants to learn, because he doesn’t want to kill and so many people are dead already, and this is getting off track.)

Iroh becomes Fire Lord, Zuko becomes Heir Apparent (I can’t remember all of my reasons behind this, and I’m already starting to change my mind about it. It makes Zuko free to search for his mom, though, and to learn a little more, this time without as much (though still a lot) pressure before taking over, and to meet the woman again I have him marry.) 

Aang and Katara don’t become a thing (They instead have the talk they really should’ve had in canon, no matter if they become a couple or not. They don’t get together because they are both traumatized children and need to work through a lot. Katara at least started with that in TSR (though was nowhere near done); Aang didn’t have time for that, yet, and I heaped even more trauma on him in this AU. They’re NOT ready for a relationship. Not with each other, not with anybody else.)

Zuko and Mai break up after a while (I feel like the point of their relationship should’ve been that sometimes, things aren’t as we remember them. This is just my opinion, though. Mai had a crush on Zuko. He at least cared for her. But they weren’t those children anymore, and I would’ve liked something like: You’re not the boy I fell in love with, the boy I remembered, the boy I wanted you to be, but I still love you as you are so much, and even if we don’t work out this way, I’ll always be here, as I know you will.) (also, i haven’t yet figured out how i’ll free her and ty lee from prison. canon was too easy.)

Sokka and Suki stay together (Because I said so. Doesn’t mean I’ll make it easy for them, but they’re the only canon relationship (other than Sokka and Yue, but ... well) I can 100% stand behind, so I won’t break them up.)

Toph goes home (And she and her parents get to work through their issues. There are a lot, obviously, but I like to think people can change and I need a proper mother-daughter-relationship. A nice, fluffy one, with hugs and love and stuff. A mother-anyone-relationship. We don’t have that in canon; Katara and Sokka’s mom’s dead, Mai and her mother don’t seem close, Ty Lee ran from home, and I don’t think I need to mention Ursa, Azula and Zuko (whose relationship is shown only through flashbacks and Azula’s breakdown). Teo’s mom is dead, too, the Freedom Fighters don’t have parents, Aang doesn’t, either (a fatherfigure, yes, but no parents, and obviously ... father) and I don’t remember seeing Yue’s mom(?). In short, give me moms, because I love mine a lot.)

Toph also gets a little brother (His name is Gan, and he exists for the angst. He’s born in 101 AG, a few months after Toph gets back home.) 

Aang goes back to Guru Pathik (Because I think he’d be one of the few people who could actually help him work through the trauma attached to ... y’know ... losing his entire people. He’s also wise and old and was a friend of Gyatso’s, and Aang still needs to permanently open his last chakra, because there is no rock in this AU. He redirects the lightning, and instead of shooting past Ozai, he hits Ozai.) 

Azula gets “redeemed” (I haven’t yet figured out the details, but it’ll involve breakdowns over learning about Ozai’s death, and Zuko realizing that maybe Uncle isn’t always right in the end, that Azula doesn’t “need to go down”, wtf, Iroh, she’s fourteen. Boy loves his sister, deep down. And girl loves her brother, even deeper down. But it will be very complicated and messy, and I obviously don’t think Zuko is obligated to forgive her, after everything, but I do think he would. With time.) 

This is getting longer than expected (though obviously this isn’t long long) and it’s barely even the beginning. I also haven’t yet written half of it, but here’s (the one with parenthesis), in which at least a few of these ideas get explored. Somewhat. I still need to write the proper talk for Aang and Katara, but they’ve already decided they don’t want to date right now. 

[raisindeatre]

drench yourself in words unspoken (Zutara Soulmate AU)

I don’t need luck, Zuko says to Aang as the blizzard howls around them, as they take shelter from the ice and the wind. I don’t want it. I’ve always had to struggle and fight and that’s made me strong. That’s made me who I am.

He turns and, like, he knows the kid is in some Avatar Spirit-World trance or whatever, but he can’t quite quash the spark of irritation he feels at the sight of Aang’s sleeping face. He wouldn’t be the first person to doze off during one of Zuko’s monologues (that honour goes to Uncle Iroh, and then… to basically every sailor on the boat Zuko has called home for the past three years) but it’s still affronting. Honestly.

Zuko crouches down to study the pale blue arrows on Aang’s skin, and wonders if there are other tattoos that mark him. If it’s even possible for the Avatar, the great bridge between the human and the Spirit World, to have a soulmate.

Not that Zuko really believes in soulmates anymore. That kind of comes with the territory. Once you believe you make your own path, once you decide you don’t need luck or fate, soulmates - which are a bit of both - are pretty much rendered pointless as well. And, well. Just look at what happened with Mai.

So. What happened with Mai was bad.

They meet for the first time in the palace gardens when Zuko is only eleven years old. Zuko is bent over, throwing bread crumbs at a turtle duck swimming in the pond when a voice from behind him says, slow and clear, “Leave him alone.”

Zuko bolts upright, every muscle in his body held to attention. The words on his skin - the words this girl has just said, which can mean, which can only mean - seem to burn where they curve along his hipbone. When he turns to look at her, he sees a girl just a little shorter than him, all porcelain skin and dark hair and slanted cat eyes.

It doesn’t feel like a missing puzzle piece has fallen into place. It doesn’t feel like she’s singing a song only the two of them can hear. It doesn’t feel like anything those stupid romance scrolls (which, alright, Zuko reads sometimes when he’s bored) talk about. It feels strange and uncertain and heavy. It feels like one giant question mark. It feels like already? and you?

He opens his mouth, doesn’t say anything for a long time. It’s happened. She’s happened. He still can’t quite believe it.

Then, like an idiot, the first words out of his mouth are: “But this turtleduck is mine.” He hastens to add, “I mean, everything here is mine,” which doesn’t really sound better. He winces, rubs the back of his neck. “I mean, because I’m the prince.”

“I know who you are,” the girl says, and smiles at him, just a little. “I’m Mai.”

But this turtleduck is mine are not the words tattooed on Mai’s skin.    

Later, she will never really know why she did it. Even at nine years old, she knew as well as anyone what a soul mark was. She must have recognized the words running along Zuko’s hipbone for what they were, must have understood what saying them to him - the first words she would ever say to him - would mean.

But all she knows at the time is that Azula’s big brother is good-looking in a way that makes her heart skip in her chest. All she knows is that the boy in front of her in the garden, chin lifted and eyes bright, will be the Fire Lord someday. All she knows is that even at nine years old, her parents have begun to dream of their daughter becoming queen, the way they try to manouever her into Zuko’s way with the kind of subtlety any child could see through. I hear Princess Azula’s in your class, Mai. I think she would be a good friend for you to have, she and her brother. Perhaps you should spend more time up at the palace. Who knows what could happen, hmm?

So when she sees him bent over, his shirt rising up to reveal the words on his pale skin, Mai treats it as she would any other script, and reads them aloud. Mai will not learn to throw a knife for another four years. She will not yet know how it feels to send a blade singing through the air, but even at nine years old, she will know how to skewer the things she wants.

“So, do I like, have to marry her now?” Zuko asks at the table, and Ursa has to bite her lip to keep from laughing at the sight of her son’s face screwed up solemnly. Ozai arches a black brow from behind the official correspondence he’s reading, but says nothing.

“Gross,” nine-year-old Azula declares, throwing a handful of fire flakes across the table into her brother’s hair. “Can we not talk about things like that? I still can’t believe Mai’s your soulmate. She has the worst taste.”

“Obviously she does,” Zuko retorts. “She’s friends with you, after all.”

“Enough,” Ursa chides gently, as flames spark to life in Azula’s hands. “Nobody’s marrying anybody. Just take your time, Zuko. Nothing has to happen yet.”

Zuko nods, and wonders why the shivering feeling inside him feels like relief.

The only thing that puts a wrench in Zuko’s theory that his sister Azula - Azula, who kicks him under the table, who tells Ozai in dangerously sweet tones that Father, did you know that Zuko still can’t hold a flame for longer than a minute? - is actually a demon from the Spirit World is the soul mark she bears. (Well, that and the fact that Zuko has tried to exorcise Azula once. It didn’t work.) By definition, it must mean that Azula has a soul, difficult as that fact is to believe. 

Zuko’s soul mark curves around his hipbone, but Azula’s wraps around her wrist, like a bracelet, or like a manacle. Over the years, he’s seen his sister study the words with suspicion and disdain and - once, only once - with something like longing on her face.

I’m not afraid of you, her soul mark reads, and Azula tells him once, “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Years later, when Zuko is old enough to understand what she means, he will feel nothing but sadness. Perhaps Ozai’s worst crime wasn’t the scar he left on his son’s face, but the ones on his daughter’s soul, the ones that taught her to understand that fear is the heart of love.

(Years later, Azula will tell Mai, You should have feared me more, and she will not even know that what she really means is You should have loved me more. She will not even know that it isn’t Mai she is really addressing.)

When Zuko is thirteen years old, the Agni Kai happens, and his father’s punishment splits his world into before and after.

When Mai comes to visit him afterwards, his face fresh out of bandages, she makes the mistake of trying to touch his scar. He flinches backwards, his hands rising up in the air, and the flames that leap out from his palms scorch the sleeves of her tunic.

I’m sorry, he gasps, ashamed and angry and afraid, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, and reaches out to touch her arm only to see -

Mai has always worn her sleeves long. He’s never really paid it much attention, and he guesses that if he ever had thought about it, he would probably have attributed it to modesty, maybe, or the fashion of the Fire Nation. But he sees now that it was just to cover up her lie.

Mai’s soul mark creeps down the creamy skin of her arm. Zuko will not even remember, later, what it says, but what is unmistakable - terribly so - is that they aren’t what he said to her, that day in the garden. They aren’t his.

What is this? he says, demands, and Mai just stares at him, speechless.

The next day he gets on a boat with his uncle, and leaves the Fire Nation behind.

So when Zuko says he’s not interested in meeting anybody else who claims to be his soul mate, it’s not like he feels that way for no reason. He doesn’t have time to dwell on thoughts like these, anyway. The Avatar has not been seen for a century. If he exists - and Zuko’s mind skitters away from the possibility that he might not like the thought burns - he will not be easy to find. He lets the hunt consume him. He doesn’t believe in soulmates anymore, and even if he did, he certainly doesn’t expect to find her a thousand miles away from where his home lies.

But he does.

On a shelf of snow and ice, as the sea crashes against the shores around them, he bears down on the Avatar - who is really nothing more than a kid, all wide gray eyes - and is ready, finally, to take him prisoner, to go home -

- when he hears it.

“Leave him alone!” a voice cries, and the world around Zuko shudders. His vision fractures for a second, everything a thousand shades of blue and white and gray. Even against the bitter cold, his hipbone burns.

It feels right. When he sees the girl across the snow, it feels like finally and you.

But it also feels wrong, because this is not how it should be - this stranger facing off across him with fury written all over her face, as the Avatar hesitates between them. He should not be meeting his soulmate for the first time with an army at his back, with the frightened gazes of villagers all around them.

A reply springs to Zuko’s lips, but the reality crashes down on him. He was really about to do it. He was really about to say the words that would bind him to a stranger forever, and for a moment he isn’t sure which impulse fighting within him is stronger, the desire or the disgust.

No no no. Had he learned nothing from Mai?

So he swallows hard, presses his lips together. Turns his back on the girl like it isn’t the hardest thing he’s done in his sixteen years of life, and commands, “Fall back! Fall back now!”

Confusion flickers across the faces of his soldiers, but whatever else he is, he is still their prince, the Fire Lord’s son. They obey, pulling back in what they believe to be a tactical retreat.

Only Zuko knows the truth: that he is fleeing.

And Katara stares after him, feeling oddly dissatisfied.

They meet again and again after that, coming together and drawing apart as they clash in a thousand different ways. They dance back and forth amidst the steam as the thundering crash of waves and fire fill the air.

He never says anything to her.

“Cat got your tongue?” she asks him once, as she hurls a cloud of ice knives at him, as he whirls behind a tree and hears the thuds of the blades embedding themselves into the bark echoing throughout the clearing.

“Still giving me the silent treatment?” she says, as she dodges the fireballs he hurls at her, dancing backwards. He moves to push past her, to get to the Avatar, but finds himself rooted to the spot by the ice tendrils that have wrapped themselves around his boots, creeping up his calves. “Is this for when I wet your pants that one time?”

And once, when her arms are trembling under the weight of the wave she summons to hover above his head, as he turns his head desperately for a way out: “Why won’t you say anything?” she demands, and he thinks he can hear hurt in her voice, hurt and confusion, but then she releases the water, an icy cascade that leaves him drenched and gasping as she vaults onto the sky bison’s back and disappears into the clouds.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Zuko asks his uncle once, as they stand on the deck. Iroh is leaning against the railing, eyes closed and expression inexplicably peaceful as he tilts his head up to the sun, as the sea spray soaks into their skin.

“I do not understand your question, nephew,” his uncle hums. “That would be like asking if I believed in the sun, or the moon. They exist. What’s not to believe?”

“I mean,” Zuko says, shoving a hand through his hair. “How can you believe in them, uncle? You don’t seriously think that just because someone says a random assortment of words, it means they’re the one. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“The Spirit World works in mysterious ways,” Iroh says, and Zuko shakes his head in disgust. The old man smiles at him benevolently, reaching out to pat his hand. “So what do you believe in, nephew?”

“I don’t,” Zuko says shortly. “Believe in things, I mean.”

“Too young to be so cynical,” Iroh reflects sadly. And then: “You know, my wife was not my soulmate.”

Zuko didn’t know that, actually. He’d never asked about Iroh’s soul mark, just because it’s kind of weird to think about your uncle’s love life. He doesn’t say anything, and Iroh looks up at the sky for a while before continuing.

“But she will always be the great love of my life,” Iroh says. “The mother of my child, my best friend. I miss her every day.” The old man blinks, long and slow. “You asked me if I believe in soulmates, nephew. I do. But I do not believe that they are, as you put it, the one. I know that’s how the great romance scrolls tell it. But I believe in soulmates, and I believe in romantic love, and nephew, I do not believe they are necessarily one and the same. I think your soulmate can be your best friend. Or your family. Not just your lover.”

“What does your mark say?” Zuko asks, and Iroh turns his palm over so Zuko can read the words curling across the skin: Nice to meet you.

“Nice to meet you?” Zuko echoes incredulously. “Uncle, that is the most generic mark I’ve ever seen. Your soulmate could be anyone!”

“I certainly hope so,” his uncle says happily. “Isn’t that the point? That they could be anyone, anybody out there. I do not pretend to know what role they might play: lover, friend, family. I only believe this: that they are someone who is meant to be in your life.”

Zuko isn’t sure how he feels about that theory, but there certainly does seem to be some credibility to the idea that Katara is meant to be in his life. What else would account for the fact that even after he has given up hunting the Avatar, she keeps turning up? Even here, the last place he would expect to see her: the crystal catacombs beneath Ba Sing Se, where Azula has thrown both of them.

The feeling seems to be mutual.

“Oh, great!” she says, her voice thick with disgust. “It’s you! I was just wondering if my day could get any worse, but I should’ve known you’d turn up sometime -”

Zuko is just about to snap back at her when he sees that somewhere in the fight with Azula, the necklace around her slender throat - and he’s held that necklace before, hasn’t he, he knows the weight and feel of it in his fingers - has shifted to the side. Against the warm brown of her skin, her soul mark is stark black, but what really makes him want to flinch is what it says: Sorry it took me so long. Exactly the sarcastic retort that is hovering on his lips, just waiting to spill out into the air between them.

The sight makes him close his eyes, turn away abruptly. He’d been so close. So close.

“You have no idea,” Katara is saying, unaware that he’s seen the words curving across her skin, “what this war has put me through personally.” Her voice breaks on the next sentence. “The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.”

And Zuko is so, so tired suddenly of everything. I believe in soulmates, and I believe in romantic love. I do not believe they are necessarily one and the same. And here is the proof, isn’t it, this ferocious girl in front of him who he has met time and time again, shaking as she turns away from him.

Katara does not love him, and Zuko - Zuko has no idea if he loves her, or if he can even begin to, if he can even begin to love anyone - but he feels her words echo in his bones like a hum. He feels the recognition shiver in the space below his ribs. Someone who is meant to be in your life. I do not pretend to know what roles they might play. Maybe in the end, this is all they can be to each other. Not a lover. Not a friend. Not even an enemy.

But instead a mirror. A reflection.

So when he forces the words out between his teeth, the first words he will ever say to her, they are wrong, but they are also strangely right.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “That’s something we have in common.”

It feels like such a heavy loss when he says that, something scraped out and hollow in his chest. He can never take those words back. He can never say them again for the first time. Katara’s hand rises to her throat, almost unconsciously, as if she isn’t even aware of the way her fingers brush against her soul mark.

But Zuko also feels strangely free.

He will not feel that way for a long time afterwards.

He returns to the Fire Nation in glory, his crown and his honour restored to him, Azula by his side smiling sharp and bright as a knife. Ozai looks at him and says the two words he’s been starving for the past three years: Welcome home. And then he says the two words Zuko’s been starving for his whole life: My son. 

It should feel like freedom. It should feel like a benediction.

But whenever Zuko closes his eyes all he can see is the Avatar falling as Azula strikes him with lightning. All he can see is the look of disappointment on his uncle’s face. Katara’s slender fingers brushing the soul mark on her throat.

He starts things up with Mai again. Why not? His soul mate is long gone, and in any case, he knows that after what he’s done Katara’s hatred for him must run fast and deep. Maybe this is the safest thing all around: somebody who never makes your heart jump in your chest, someone who will never make you feel uncertain and weightless.

The weeks slip by though, and eventually Zuko realizes that this isn’t enough. He’d thought the opposite of being weightless would be to feel centred, rooted. But all he feels is burdened. Some days he cannot even sit up in bed without feeling his bones groaning under the weight of the life he has surrendered.

But surrender is not a word that exists in Zuko’s vocabulary. I’ve always had to struggle and fight and that’s made me strong. One day he wakes up and decides that if he has given up a better life - he can damn well go and take it back. 

Someone who is meant to be in your life.

It should come as no surprise to either of them when after the Day of the Black Sun, after Zuko’s confrontation with his father, after the failed invasion - 

- he turns up again in Katara’s. 

Of course it’s not easy. When has anything in Zuko’s life ever been easy? (When he thinks that, he can hear his uncle’s voice chide him, Do not indulge in self-pity. Are you a woodstove, nephew? Do you think you can just sit in the corner and stew? and oh, he misses the old man then more than he has in weeks.) 

Every day he has to fight against the distrust he sees in their eyes. The wariness in the set of their shoulders. The way Katara makes sure to always stay near a body of water when he is around.

But it is worth it. When he sees them laughing around the campfire, the flames throwing cheerful orange light across their faces; when Sokka hands him a bowl of rice without saying anything; when Toph finally elbows him in the ribs the way she would any of them - it makes Zuko happier than he can remember.

 Katara proves harder to win over. 

No, that’s not true. He’s won her over once, hasn’t he? There in the crystal catacombs, the green light shivering over their features. I trusted you, and then you turned around and betrayed us. He studies the way she looks at him, eyes narrowed in suspicion, and is sad and guilty and remorseful, but not surprised. There are days when he thinks he should just give up, surrender to the fact that Katara will most probably hate him for the rest of her life.

But surrender has never been a word in Zuko’s vocabulary.

I do not pretend to be know what role they might play: lover, friend, family. Zuko knows he and Katara will never be any of those things. In the crystal catacombs, he’d thought all he could ever be to her was a mirror. But one night Sokka tells him about Yon Rha, and the next morning Zuko goes to Katara and tells her, I know who killed your mother, and I’m going to help you find him.

Perhaps this is the role he was meant to play. If nothing else, this is what he can be to her: a weapon in her hand.

He watches as she makes a soldier bend under her fingers, his muscles and bones jerking out of his control, and thinks in awe and fear: bloodbender. He watches as she bears down on the cowering Yon Rha, and feels the urge to do the same. 

Zuko is a prince. He has never in his life knelt to anyone. He has always been the one genuflected to.

But when Katara freezes the rain around them, a million crystal droplets hanging in icy suspension, he has to actively fight the impulse to drop to one knee. The sight of her fierce blue eyes and face drawn in anger sends something bright and electric crackling through his body like lightning. The adrenaline of terror, but also a feeling almost reverential.

Perhaps he is his father’s son, after all. Perhaps fear really is the heart of love.

But no. 

Because he feels that same electricity sparking through him even in scenes as far removed from battle as you can get: when she is kicking Sokka’s sleeping roll going, “Wake up, you big lump!” When he is helping her stir food into the cooking pot and their fingers brush for just a heartbeat. When she places a hand lightly on his shoulder as she relieves him for the next night watch shift. 

A hundred interactions, a thousand glances, a million ways the words on her throat never fail to catch his eye. The rhythm they fall into is so hard-won, but so unbearably sweet when they do.They become used to getting each other’s backs, exchanging eye-rolls over the heads of the others, the two exasperated caretakers in a horde of children. Get out of the bison’s mouth, Sokka, he says, before she can, and the way she looks at him when he does: appreciative, amused, affectionate -  Zuko lies awake the whole night thinking about it.

In battle Katara is electric. She is a whirlwind. She is a tsunami. She is the only thing in the world he can look at.

But he also feels the same way when she is combing her hair by the fire; when she is stroking Appa’s furry nose; when she laughs at one of Sokka’s jokes.

Fear is not the heart of love. Love is the heart of love.

I do not pretend to know what role they play: lover, friend, family. Maybe two of those three things isn’t so bad.

Zuko is honest enough with himself to know that he wants more. To recognize the longing in his throat for what it is. But they are almost at the end of the war, and every day could be his last, and if he dies tomorrow - he is also honest enough with himself to know that two of those three things isn’t so bad.

The night before the comet, Zuko goes to relieve Katara’s shift for the night watch, and pulls up short when he sees her shoulders shaking. She sees him and turns away abruptly, brushing her hand over her eyes, but it is very clear that she has been crying. 

“Katara?” he says hesitantly, and she says, “I’m fine.”

Zuko looks helplessly at Appa, but the sky bison just blinks slowly at him, flicking his ears. You’re on your own here, kid.

“No, you’re not,” Zuko says cautiously. “What’s wrong? You can tell me.” 

“It’s going to sound stupid.”

“I am never, ever going to think you’re stupid, Katara. Except for if you try to wake Toph up when she’s had less than eight hours of sleep. That’s not just stupid, that’s practically death-defying.”

She laughs at that, and he steps closer. For a moment, neither of them say anything, and then Katara tips her head up to the sky and admits, “It’s just… if we die tomorrow, I am never going to meet my soul mate.”

Zuko’s entire body jolts, and he’s glad for the darkness of the night around them, the way he knows it must obscure the guilt and shock on his features. “W- what?”

“My soul mate,” she repeats. “I know it’s stupid, but also… I’ve been thinking about meeting them since I was a little girl, you know? Doesn’t everyone?”

Zuko doesn’t trust himself to speak, not with the way his heart is jackrabbiting in his chest, so he just nods.

“I thought…” Katara laughs a little, self-conscious. “I thought for a while that it might be Aang.”

Zuko isn’t surprised - he’s seen the way the Avatar looks at Katara, seen the easy affection they slip into - but it still hurts, a knife twisting in his gut.

“I mean,” Katara continues, and she’s turning now, pulling her necklace aside so that he can see the words on her skin, the words he’s known for months now. The words he’d almost, almost spoken into existence. “My soul mark reads Sorry it took me so long. Wouldn’t that be just perfect if those were the first words Aang said to me? A hundred years missing, and he says sorry it took me so long.” She shakes her head. “But it’s not him.”

The wind rustles through the branches, shaking the leaves all around them, and into its whisper Katara says quietly, “And you know what? I’m glad it’s not him.”   

Zuko’s heart is jumping for a completely different reason now; caught up in the way Katara’s eyes are glittering in the starlight. They are very close now. He can see the pulse beating under her jaw.

“What does your mark say?” Katara says, her voice so soft. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Zuko says hoarsely, and she is tilting her head up to him and - 

Sokka comes into the clearing, arms wrapped around himself. “Hey, so I figured if this is the last night before we go out in a blaze of glory against Ozai, we should at least be together. I don’t want to be alone tonight. Hey, Toph, wake up! Somebody get Momo!”

Zuko turns back to look at Katara, but the moment is gone.

What does your mark say? 

Katara finds out eventually. 

The way she finds out leaves something to be desired though, and by that Zuko means: he would’ve preferred it if it hadn’t entailed excruciating pain. 

There isn’t much he remembers about taking Azuka’s lightning bolt. All he remembers is the blue light around them and the look in Katara’s eyes. The choice was death or watching Katara fall, and that wasn’t a choice at all.

When he wakes up - dragged from the dark into the light by the urgent thrum of Katara’s voice, the soothing coolness of the healing water on his skin - all he can do for a moment is blink, breathe, feel the just-awakened beat of his heart in his chest. Every bone in his body hurts, and he has never felt so drained, but the feel of Katara’s hands on his abdomen sends a different kind of lightning jolting through him.

She is gasping, breathless, her eyes glittering with tears as she presses her palms into his skin. “Zuko, you’re okay - you’re okay -”

“I’m okay,” he rasps, his throat sore and lightning-scorched, and she laughs, shakily. 

“You’re okay,” she agrees, running her hands over his skin, his abdomen, his stomach, his hips - 

His hip, where his soul mark is standing out in stark relief against his pale skin. He sees the way she studies the words, her hands freezing in place, her mouth moving silently. Leave him alone.

“I said this to you,” she says, and she sounds so young, suddenly. Behind them Azula writhes and sobs, the blasts of fire she’s exhaling lighting up their features in bursts of blue-white light, but Zuko can only look at Katara’s face. “These were the first words I ever said to you.” 

“Katara,” Zuko says, but doesn’t say anything more.

“These are the first words I ever said to you,” Katara repeats. “I - I don’t even know why I remember that. I don’t think I even chose to remember them - they’re just - I just know. I just know.” And Zuko flashes back to when she first said those words, back at the South Pole - the way the world had shuddered around them, his vision fracturing, the look of confusion on her face.

Her hand rises up to touch her neck. Sorry it took me so long, curling across her throat. “But this - this isn’t the first thing you ever said to me.”

“Katara,” he says again, softer. 

“How can that be?”

“I didn’t want them to be,” Zuko says. “I couldn’t let them be.” 

Confusion creases her brow, and later Zuko will tell her why: he will detail a million reasons for that decision back in Ba Sing Se. I didn’t want a soulmate. I didn’t need a soulmate. I didn’t want either of us to be chained to each other. Love must always be free. 

But for now all she says is, “It doesn’t matter,” an echo of the words he’d said to her the night before. And like an echo, like a dream, she is tilting her face towards him again, only this time it happens. 

Zuko kisses her.

Her lips are chapped, and the air is full of the smell of smoke and soot and ozone, and the pain in Zuko’s chest flares to life as he half-sits up, as he slides a hand into Katara’s hair, but he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care, he has been waiting a lifetime for this. 

As if she’s reading his mind - because it seems Katara is always reading his mind, she is always reading him, his echo, his mirror - she laughs against his mouth softly. The war is over, and they are alive, and his soul mate is smiling against his lips, and Zuko, oh, Zuko has never felt this content. “I was wondering if you were ever going to get around to doing that.”

Zuko pulls back, just a little. Smiles. Knows she will laugh even before she does, clear and joyful. And he says to her, “Sorry it took me so long.”