#and no. there isnt programs that will help
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"You can't kill yourself, think of how sad WE'LL be. Think of your grandma and mom. You're selfish if you do. I don't want to hurt because of you. Just keeping pressing I promise it gets better 🥺"
Fuck off fuck off fuck off!
That's the point. Why is your imaginary possibility of hurting or being hurt more important than the pain I feel and experience every single day of my life for over almost 2 decades now?! How is that not selfish of YOU, begging people who can't see it getting better because it fucking doesn't, to stick around in case you get kinda sad they're not here
#I'm not gonna kill myself don't report me pls#chronic suicidality#mental illness#I'm so tired of being alive#every single day of my life is miserable hell that i don't want to be alive for#and its not going to get better dont tell me it is#i have so many things wrong with me and no money to try and fix them#and no. there isnt programs that will help#I've been denied disability 2x and food stamps/medicaid 3x#i can't even go to the store and buy a drunk or a snack let alone the $100s worth of meds i need and havent had in 10 months#unless you wanna send me $1000 shut up i dont want your advice
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Hatsune Miku does not engage with the whole Middle Eastern conflict you’re forcing people to take a side on. She’s just a virtual idol that just likes to sing songs people have made for her. The East’s true-to-form, non-political traditions are much more convenient than your Western wokeness; sit down and watch a Ghibli film or a Vocaloid video and ignore that silly Arab agenda.
shut the fuck up with ur bullshit and eat shit byeeeee 💕✨💕
miku says fuck u she hates u in particular and go support people in gaza 🤗 💕✨
here are some links to posts where you can donate to those in need!!
#get the fuck outta here with ur shit man tf#im not forcing anything to take shit tf did u get that#people are being fucking murdered over there there is no goddamn side#miku isnt even real shes a damn computer program#u need to take ur own advice honey#and maybe seek help if this is ur reaction to aiding ur fellow humans who are getting ruthlessly slaughtered#wood wide web
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No no no girl help girl I've been editing this attempted animatic in clip champ for literally hours what do you mean the file compresses every single thing you do when you export it how else do you save it in this program to edit it later I thought I knew what I was doing but apparently not please girl girl girl please help girl girl
#ohhhhhhhhh noooooooooooo are you kiddg mehow am i suppoe to DO THISSSSSSSSSSSSS. like comeon is that not how it works how to i get my layers#back i needto edit them noooooo this entirething is jist noooooooooooo#b.text#if anyone knows some video program that ISNT clipchamp and free that actually works ill take it i jeed smth that doesnt suck#girl help
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Hate how my body needs breaks between labor, that's so fucked up, why can't it simply Not Need Those-
#ramblez#I wanted to help clean up the side yard and front yard today cause my brain didnt feel like working this morning#but my mom banned me from it cause I also felt tired and sore and she said thats my body prolly telling me it needs a break#and ig shes right but Im not happy abt it >=/#its just nice to do some mindless labor for a few hours before I do like programming or art or ebay stuff bc it gives my mind a break#but my moms right I cant just do HOURS of labor that my body isnt used to yet and expect to not have to take a break day#so Im grounded today </3 rip-
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the 2023 AI craze is giving me such a significant brain aneurysm its seriously making me reconsider going into ai as like. the field i want to dedicate my studies to
#openai made Q STAR which is a reference to Q ANON and it can solve IMPOSSIBLE MATH PROBLEMS ai is EVIL and will TAKE OVER THE WORLD#fuck you fuck you fuck you . fuck you#my mom is like. a senior software engineer specialising in AI shit. do you know what she works on#programs to help the environment or food insecurity or alert medical staff when an elderly patient shows worrying symptoms! so EVIL#like you guys dont get it this ai shit is starting to infect ACTUAL IT COMPANIES#my moms coworkers who WORK ON AI PROJECTS are starting to buy into this shit. i CANT#like ok i get you guys are scared of surveillance states and whatnot but oh my GOD shut up shut up shut up its not that deep#chatgpt works on the same principle as the fucking keyboard word suggestion. ai isnt evil ai isnt taking over the world it isnt dystopian#is firework evil because of guns#my mom is very offline so sometimes when we're drinking coffee ill catcg her up on ai discourse jist to make her laugh
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the silent night of the batman — batman #219
(ID in alt!)
#two christmas transcripts in one week?? who am i...#this actually is a lil late but he leaves the gcpd at 6 am on dec 25th and its 1 now so. its close enough.#and sorry i am a sap i love the idea of batman making things better. that his image and promise of him encourages people to do better#like its a comic book ofc gotham can never be saved and that's part of her doomed charm but in my heart???#the billions he pours out for charities and the foundation and different benefit programs?? the life he dedicates to protecting others??#i like to think it does make a change. especially as other heros join in and help too :)#just rattling my emotional support bat by the neck and demanding he sees his life has had a positive impact and that everyone around him#isnt doomed to die or be depressed and that he doesn't make more dangerous criminals and that people love him and are thankful for him and#c: batman | i: 219#crypt's panels#batman#posts from the crypt#transcrypts#bruce wayne#jim gordon#also theres an updated version of this with Oracle and Supergirl where its revealed they handled every single call to the fire department or#to the police for 24 hours to give jim and bruce hope and like#might have to post that one as a late christmas present because im obsessed with it
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NOT THE HTML HELP MEEEE
#loosing my fucking minddddd help meeee#you know how when you hack into databases the program you write is written in html#which isnt a programing language#i was trying to believe earlier that the html i saw was maybe code for a language i dont kniw but no theyre really using html LMFAOOOO#god i like dont know how to describe this to someone who doesnt know coding#this is like writing a story about nascar drivers and then the cars they drive are cardboard cutouts they run really fast with#yaoi posting
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once again i am being subjected to "educational courses on generative AI" (lengthy advertisements that the higher ups want us to watch so they can say that we are trained in AI)
#it's a contact year we need to show that we spend a lot of tiem not only maintaining this stuff but also learning and improving the produc#we provide#they never define what they mean by AI or how the AI actually works its driving me insane#whoah this adobe ai can generate an image for you and insert it into the image you have have without learning photoshop#yeah but HOW. where are these images being pulled from? what methods are used to produce this shit#HOLY SHIT: most programmers dont actually spend that much time programming. they actually spend a lot of time in meetings. helping coworker#reading emails. reading documentation. HELLO???? YES??? THOSE ARE NORMAL THINGS TO DO???#yes attending meetings is annoying but the solution is to fucking reduce the amount of meetings and ensuring that meetings are efficient#NOT TO ADD AI????#the stupid fucking AI building half ur code isnt gonna reduce the time spent looking at documentation!!!! u can't trust the AI to be accura#to be accurate so ur gonna have to go to the documentation anyway!!!#“u can just code not worrying about syntax blah blah” so writing psuedocode??? doing a top down approach to get the big idea#and then write the little stuff later???#im so fucking livid this is SO DUMB#literally all the shit they mentioned in passing sounds actually useful instead of the generative AI bs#no i dont need a little guy to write my code for me#but a guy who checks my syntax? that suggests i look at a particular function from the library? that sounds useful!!!#“if i ask this thing how to do X it will tell me how with steps!”#Okay so will the documentation???? hello????#omfg this guy conviently skipped over the part where the AI gave a WRONG ANSWER#bro i can read the screen it did NOT accurately describe the game#“have it generate the game for you” the point of the little shit is to learn how to do stuff so you can apply it to the big shit#god im just so enraged#mr supervisor is this a good use of company resources?#you are billing t he client for ME learning ai bullshit#sir you having me sit through hours of learning the newest buzzword concepts. is this a good use of 8 hrs the client pays for me to be here#chit chat
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ohhhhh Sleep is definitely one of these trees isn't it.... its absolutely a waking (as in IT is waking up in me) aspect
#i. have. ugh. ive been weiiiirrrdddllly side-eying Hypnos since I discovered he existed (not getting into why. he reminds me of hermes.#he reminds me of lull. thats all im saying) but the point is because Divinity Of Sleep hits home in ways i havent been comfortable explorin#in myself so i was. looking outside me. i dont need outside stuff. godddddddd ok#ramblings //#creation: the forest //#aspect: sleep //#fuckkkkkk ive been having issues w sleep for so long now - and i only really recently started believing im not fucking insane and that#astral stuff does actually happen - that i completely forgot in the beginning of working w spirits post-twins i fucking#was helping people getting to sleep and Hermes fucking called me something to do with sleep and my energy was - goddamn it#i literally. naturally expand into comfortable bedding. my bedroom is like a shrine space to me not because of how its used by others#(though spirits were treating it like that BECAUSE of this aspect) but because my energy was inhabiting it like an extension of me.#i was the calm. i was the relaxing into sleep. i was sleep itself. i was that which lulled people into sleep and dreaming. oh my god of#COURSE this realisation/remembering happens after i craft a crystal for my twinflame that filters out nightmares and whatnot#because. that thing. isnt a spell jar put together with ingredients and wishes. i manufactured the goddamn journey into sleep#it rewrites the falling into sleep itself manually (or. i manually programmed it. left it to autonomously repeat that action)#it was a complete ''i know how falling asleep and dreaming work this is what causes nightmares this is what causes dreams'' and#grr grr grr ok
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im so full of anger every day that it makes it hard to function. what do i do
#blah blah blah#i generally try to not tamp down my thoughts and feelings but at what point is it 'being open' and at what point is it 'stewing'#i miss doing therapy but my medicaid doesnt cover psychiatric care#and my workplace is likely to schedule me back down at 20h/week once our new manager begins here#im so mad . he starts next week but idk if that means sunday (tomorrow) or monday#and why was only next week's schedule posted. why not the whole month#i have another job trying to schedule me and that one is easier to move around than the main one#full timers work 30h or more#and ive been working at least 35 every week for the past month since weve not had a manager#i want healthcare#i know im in a privileged position where i can even try to demand these things#but i am worried about the nextg year bc i dont know what my hours will look like yet#so i can't reliably predict my income for the year to select my own plan through the state service??#luckily open enrollment is nov and dec and it's only the start of nov now#i don't have a third recommender for phd programs so i can't fully submit those applications yet#im just so full of anger i feel unable to move#and the anger is of course about the odd time trying to balance my two part time jobs and rent and health#but it's also about! gestures at the globe full of things happening!#i am immobilized by anger and it's putting a big strain on my relationship with my partner and my family!#i don't know that going back to therapy would fix these things but if i could at least have a person to talk to once a week#specifically dedicated to talking about Problems#idk#maybe it would lessen the amount im dumping on everyone else#it feels so privileged and selfish and evil of me to have desires and feeling like i am the world's center of evil isnt helping anyone#pursuing a phd wouldnt be helping anyone#being unable to move for how full of emotions i am isnt helping anyone#maybe i should just . remembers suicide jokes are bad etc. join the circus
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this is my whatever canvas. i paint whatever on it 🌟 closeups ↓↓↓
look at those brushstrokes boy
#vapour.png#artists on tumblr#eyestrain#<- just in casies#i never know how to tag art that isnt fanart or ocs >_<#moon#sun#yeah sure whatever who care who give a shit#sea slug#yeah there's that guy#the main way ive been painting on this canvas is by doing each part entirely in grayscale and then smacking a gradient map on it#if your drawing program lets you do gradient maps i highly recommend it its so fun to do!!!#i also think it helps me get a better understanding of how values work... always a learner
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#im in so much fuckin pain i cant move ugh#like. typing this is excruciating#but i cant just stare at the wall or im gonna lose it eventually ugh#my pain is getring progressively worse these days and the last 2 months have been hell#doctors r worried this might be my new normal for the time being#which. uh#SUCKS#bc i cannot stand or walk for more than 5 mins#and i need a walker w me bc my cane isnt enough#and most days i am trapped in bed (or on the couch if i can make it there) unable to take care of myself#bc everything hurts and i feel like i'm being tortured#oh and my lordosis & the related pain is now at a level that might need serious medical intervention#my migraines r out of control#my joint problems r also way worse#and u kno what ? i would like to die now#thanks#truly and genuinely#im so done#i cant keep going this way#my doctor has no idea what to do#and the pain clinic im a patient of refuses to help further unless i sign up for their ridiculous pain education program#which is 8 weeks long with mandatory in-person weekly attendance (i do not live near it & cant afford transportation)#where they tell u all the ways ur pain is ur own fault and give u unrealistic and ridiculous advice abt exercise and lifestyle changes#that u Cannot do bc of said disabilites and pain#jfc#our healthcare system is broken and nobody cares if i live or die or suffer#AND im stuck dealing w my mother complaining abt my existence nonstop bc she resents me for the things i cannot do independently#so u kno what ya i am done. im so done. i give up#catch me rotting in this bed forever until i die. thats the only option being given to me
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Ok but like. What if I'm a little obsessed imagining Rinz initiating the first kiss with Flint & NOT the other way around.
With Rinz carefully covering his hand over Flint's eyes, so he can remove his own helmet without fear of judgment, & with Flint trusting Rinz's intentions are good, not shying away as the program's sickle claws trace lightly over his cheek.
Claws Flint's personally seen maim & mangle, now shockingly nimble for such dangerous impliments...
Flint isn't sure where this is going, but his heartbeat surely spikes as Rinz takes another step toward him, his other hand gently - so gently, it's like it's not even there - hovering at Flint's back, only ever so slightly grasping onto Flint's cape as he forces himself forward to close the distance between user & program.
Flint nearly yelps out at the unexpected movement - having anticipated /something/ was coming, but not a KISS over anything else - but it comes out more like a /moan/, surprising himself even more by just how much he didn't even realize he NEEDED this from Rinz alone.
Claws & hands grasping tightly at one another, a stray jolt of electricity between the two sends Rinz's hand covering Flint's closed eyes curling, cutting a small knick over the swell of Flint's reddened cheek.
It takes just a glance at his user to notice the red liquid gathering along the thin line his claw created that forces Rinz to animalistically act on his impulse, his hunger, his desire, without another thought.
Mind completely empty, just repeating the command of /more more MORE/, Rinz breathlessly pulls away from Flint before immediately delves closer to the user and carefully runs his tongue over the fresh red blood bubbling to the surface of the small incision. In Rinz's desperate hunger for affection, he accidentally lets off a small spark as he repeats the motion, swiping his tongue over Flint's flesh, at once sending chills up & down the user's body & his dyed hair standing sharply on edge.
& all Flint can do is let out a soft "wow" as Rinz's surprisingly gentle lips find his way back to the user's, & willingly allowing himself to be drawn into the monster's hold. All while that electronic purring from deep inside Rinz's core rumbles through both of them, their entire existences shifting in that moment, changing their code & very reason for being. Moving together from survival mode to something so much more...
#look at that rinz#flint & twizz#so like i imagine#at some point early on#flint tries to make a pro & con list about rinzler#really torn up about the prpgram from being taken in & protected by him#& it leaves flint even worse a mess because instead of helping him keep his own mind unfettered & focused on tr on#instead one of the only cons in a sea of pros is just that#rinz isnt tr on#& that makes poor flint want to SCREAM#instead he just goes & drops himself into rinz's lap until the program retracts his helmet so they can fucking make out#& flint eventually introduces him to moving on to 2nd & 3rd base#coUGH COUGH#the dream right there#YEAGHHGH#also ugh nok stop re-imagining the same set up pver & overrrr#FUCKING BITE ME#its my blog my sad imagination I get to day dream all the fluff i want#so THERE
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i know this isnt news for anyone whose ever worked with them before but
bless any old people working in a business involving computers. so dumb. so precious. no wonder nothing gets done. how has our soeciety not collapsed. please retire. young people really need to take your jobs so we can retrofit every work flow ever your systems are so hilarious
#i had to help a coworker SCREENSHOT A PROGRAM WINDOW and attach the image to an email#so that HER boss can send it to their IT guy cause they want it on another computer#did i tell them i could probably do that myself or that a screenshot isnt really gunna help the guy#no no i did not#clearly this is how theyve done it before#im not interferring i already offered to learn part of their job at some point so i can help and ik i aint gunna get paid for it
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reasonably i know its perfectly fine to use assists when playing ultrakill. but also i could physically never do that because it would seriously make my fucking ocd go off the walls batshit insane
#[ren]#this isnt even a joke this has happened to me before#like oh no..... if i use assists that were programmed into this game to help players purposefully with the knowledge they will be used-#-by players everyone will know im a FAKE im a FRAUD im a FILTHY FUCKING LIAR and im GOING TO HELL FOREVER for using aiming assists at -#-ultrakill.....
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i think next semester is finally going to be the one that gives me a heart attack and kills me 💞
#vent#let's see#i am:#-doing my normal job stuff at the theater plus some additional grant work#-helping with a children's book that the theater is making which includes not only writing some of it but marketing it#-doing my first big boy serious puppet show that we might submit to the national slam if it's actually good#-writing and acting for a live sci-fi audio drama that has shows every month#-taking on a second job as a part time grader for fms 100 which includes attending one class per week and grading assignments for 100+ ppl#-taking 15 credit hours that are all upper division semester long classes and have me on campus from 9am-4:15pm tues and thurs#-finishing two (2) portfolios to apply for both concentrations in my major program (because i'm insane. i guess)#-probably should start worrying about my lgbtq certificate capstone oh yeah btw i think i have to do two capstones my senior year isnt that#something#-also im moving out of my parents' house next month so it'll be my first time living on my own#(so my winter break isn't even a break really bc i have to pack everything and move)#can someone just like. idk#give me a really long hug or something#i don't know what to do like. genuinely#barely even surviving school right now bc it's finals
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