#and my currently watching/currently reading/movies are so depressing LMFAO it's bad it's very bad i don't have much free time 😔

[louismygf]

thank u sm for tagging me! @icarusfallsforwalls 🌸💗

Five Songs I’ve Been Playing on Repeat:

paramore - ain't it fun

clairo - amoeba

glass animals - tangerine

adventure time: distant lands (obsidian ost) - eternity with you (feat. michaela dietz and zuzu)

summer salt - magic boy

Currently Watching:

just finished watching squid game!!!!! i get the hype, it's really good, i like the plot (sae byeok 💖), not currently watching anything at the moment though, and it'll probably stay that way for a loooong time 😁💔

Currently Reading:

Last Movie Watched:

afhf documentary + live concert uhhhh Lost in Translation (2003) starring Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray 😭? it was for my english class, i don't really watch movies anymore 😭

tagging: @chewsdays @polaroidplanets @popcornlouie (ofc, feel free to ignore!)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #459

“i wanted you to know that i love the way you laugh  /  i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away”

Does the person you like have any flaws? He's never seemed very expressive of what he feels. Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why? Yes. Because it was our anniversary and he wanted to, ig. If you ruled your own country, what type of government would it have? I'm not educated enough to answer this. Creation theory, Evolution or the Big Bang theory? I really don't know what I believe about the origins of the universe, but I do believe in evolution. Describe one of your most emotional farewells. The last time I saw Jason and we talked for a long time, and I finally got my closure. It was all so heavy. It started so stiffly, but it ended with us just chatting and smiling and, to my absolute shock, a hug from him. I'm getting emotional so NEXT QUESTION. What was your last serious conversation about? I was reassuring and comforting Sara about some stuff. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No. Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Years ago. A bumblebee. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? I am old enough, and no. The odds are way, way too small, and I don't really dabble in addictive behavior. Have you ever been into a real cave? No. :( That's a life goal, though. Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube? I know I did once as a kid. It was regarding Meerkat Manor and I thought it was really disrespectful to Flower just because of the music chosen lmao. The drama. What color is your digital camera, if you have one? Black. If you had to spend one day in any movie storyline, which one would it be? Alice in Wonderland, I suppose? Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Oh man, I've played waaaaay too many video games. I suppose Silent Hill with how confused it left me at first. Its concept is definitely wild. Parasite Eve is high on the list, too. In your opinion, what is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Boy in the Striped Pajamas destroys me. What is the best song to make out to? I could answer this but I'm not gonna lmfao Is there anyone right now that you are simply/overly infatuated with? story of my life ayyyyeeeee Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Not a clue. Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry? Jason's mom. I sobbed on-and-off for days. Do you consider yourself a healthy person? Physically and mentally? No, in either way. Do you know anyone who owns a boat? My dad does. I'm sure others, too, with how popular fishing out on a boat is here. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? I don't know. Even for medicinal purposes, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. What did you do for your 21st birthday? I was in the psych hospital, so... lmao. Therapy, reading, and coloring. Lots of reading and coloring. Because they did NOT fill your schedule enough there. We only had two group therapy sessions a day, and the rest was just... blankness. If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? I know I'd be one of the dumb ones that absolutely wanted a tiny raptor, lol. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Not interested. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I don't like soup. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? My first real series that I read religiously was Hank the Cowdog. Then it was Warriors. Do you buy Halloween candy when it’s on sale after the holiday? No. I really don't need candy available to me. Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse? It depends on what they're doing. In a lot of cases, no. Do you ever watch talk shows? No. Do you have a/any hero(s)? Mark Fischbach, Steve Irwin, my mom... Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Though Mom has playfully once told me that she knows a lot of things I don't think she does, and that's terrifying lmao. You’re getting married. Who’s your maid of honor and best man? M.o.H.: Mom or Sara. Best man isn't my choice. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? DYE IT ALLLLLLL. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? My friendship ring w/ Sara. It has a heart carved on the outside and "bitch" engraved inside so no one can see when you have it on, lol. She has one that says "jerk." It's a Supernatural reference. Who challenges you the most? In what way? My therapist and psychiatrist. They just help ensure I pursue my goals and give me little nudges forward to reassure me. Who seems to hold you back? In what way? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT ME. I listen to my anxiety WAY too much. What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? Going up to Lake Gaston w/ Mom to visit Ash and her fam. They go there all the time, and it's a real nice place. I just didn't want to go because of the heat. Should there be an application process for having children? Hunny, that would not stop people from fuckin lmfao Name one thing that you think defines you as a person? m e e r k a t s What is a fear you have about living on your own? That depression would get the better of me and I'd neglect taking good care of my house. One of the many reasons I'll never live alone. Not at all saying I'd leave the responsibilities to my partner, but they'd be motivation for me to get stuff done. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. Nothing that bad. What’s your stance on spooning? It helps me feel safe and loved and alsdkfjalwe I just love cuddling in all sorts lmao What’s your most recent obsession? Violet Orlandi & Melodicka Bros' cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." Have you ever been scammed? Ha ha, yes. I once wanted to get Jason a Joker and Harley Quinn pillow from deviantART; talked to the artist, paid 'em, never got it. :^) Have you ever fostered an animal? No. I would get WAY too attached to foster. I wouldn't be able to give them up without breaking down, probs. Do you know anyone who acts way younger than what they are? I'm sure I do, but no one is coming to mind atm. Would you say you’re a pretty independent person? God no. Does the last song you listened to, remind you of someone? JASON. Do you currently want a new computer? Yes, actually. I want a desktop PC for better gaming quality, honestly. Also, the "escape" key doesn't work on this laptop, one key is missing so I have to hit the sensor JUST right, and it restarts randomly sometimes. I want a PC mainly because I want to get out of the habit of being on my laptop in bed all damn day. How would your parents react if you got a tattoo? I already have like six or seven, so they wouldn't be surprised. Is there anyone you can picture yourself being with forever right now? Maybe. Who is your truest friend? Sara. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? THIS house? Idk. Nothing that I'd consider odd. What bug frightens you most? STAG BEETLES lkadjslkfja;lwekjawl;kejrlawer Who is your oldest friend? That would be Sam, and he's in his mid-30s. How long have you known them? Many years. We met via WoW, which I've been playing since '14. I don't really remember how far into it we met, though. Where are they right now? lol I wouldn't know, he's all the way in Jersey. Plus we haven't talked in a while. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? God no, that would be so weird. What is the best gift someone can give you? An ear to listen without it feeling like a chore to them. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. I don't think I could do it. What is the last movie that made you cry? The The Lion King remake made me tear up. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No. Ugh, that sounds like a blast. In your life who has meant the most to you? Let's not get into this. What has been your biggest failure in life? Letting depression and my other conditions take away my identity, becoming my new identity. Do you trust yourself? No. I second-guess EVERYTHING and never know what I should listen to: my heart, my head, my gut... or which voice is what. Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances? Yes. What was the last bug you killed? Some kind in the bathroom. Idk what it was. Just a little thing that sort of resembled an earwig, but not completely. Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? By myself, since it's my page. Do you know anyone who has written a book? I don't think so? Do you drink milk/juice from the carton if no one is around? Ew, no. I live with another person, and even if I didn't, what if I had guests? Has anyone ever told you they liked you in a realllly sweet way? Maybe? Has a member of the opposite sex ever given you jewlery? Jason has. Do you find sleeping in cars easy? NOOOOOOOOOO. I'm too scared to let my eyes close and not see what's going on on the road. Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? I don't believe so, no. What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. Definitely something my niece has said, but idr what it was. What’s been on your mind lately? Y'all know, lol. Do you feel like you need to get something off your chest? No. Sara was recently there for that. ♥ How would you react if someone told you they had feelings for you? Be very very excited if it was from a certain person.

[raganandhersurveys]

3/1/21~5000 question survey 1-100 {CXV}

I started this about 2 years ago and never finished so I’m going to restart and see how far I can get. I’d love to get it done before the end of the year but I am definitely not holding myself to that statement haha. Here we go pt. 2 

(also shoutout to @lovemesomesurveys for doing this so i could get the questions from one source. Thanks girl! <3!!

1. Who are you?

~my name is ragan

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?

1. I am very outgoing and fun loving 

2. I have a big heart but am not afraid to speak my mind

3. I hope I can one day pursue a career in fashion

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing? 

~hanging out with my friends, doing hw, eating, or talking to my bf haha

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time). 

~choir, drama appreciation, geology, american gov. 

5. What is your biggest goal for this year? 

~to begin to plan out “big girl things” in my life. i’ll be a freshman in college in the fall and i really wanna feel confident about my future(if that’s possible) so saving money, getting a real job, looking into new opportunities, etc. (if you have any advice, plz send my way haha:))

6. Where do you want to be in 5 years? 

~to feel a little secure in my job or career pathway, or at least have a plan

7. What stage of life are you in right now? 

~the ending of my teenage years :(

8. Are you more child-like or childish? 

~neither honestly 

9. What is the last thing you said out loud? 

~i was singing along to a song haha

10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? 

~8teen by khalid haha

11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes? 

~nope

12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? 

~it’s honestly one big rollercoaster. i have my good days and bad days but i try to keep a positive mindset:)

13. Does time really heal all wounds? 

~it doesn’t necessarily heal it but it does help it some

14. How do you handle a rainy day? 

~usually stay inside or take a nap. if it rains for a long period of time i tend to get a headache so i usually take a nap haha

15. Which is worse...losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights?

~losing luggage for sure 

16. How is your relationship with your parents? 

~pretty good. my dad and i are super close. my mom and i have our moments but i love her

Will you miss them when they are gone? 

~are you kidding?!?! i don’t know how i’ll recover from losing them tbh

17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? 

~for the most part yes; i’m pretty good at reading the room

18. What is the truest thing that you know? 

~God.

19. What did you want to be when you grew up? 

~gosh so many different things; teacher, pharmacist, reporter, author, family therapist, actress 

20. Have you ever been given a second chance? 

~yep

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? 

~both tbh

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind?

~definitely 

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? 

~i had to go to the hospital one time because my stomach was hurting so bad I thought i was gonna die. i don’t think anything except child birth could beat that

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? 

~some things my mom has said to me

25. Who have you hugged today? 

~honestly no one :(

26. Who has done something today to show they care about you? 

~i can’t think of anything but i’m sure there was something 

27. Do you have a lot to learn? 

~for sure. i don’t think we should ever stop

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be?

~how to start my own clothing brand, how to make straight a’s, and to cook perfectly

 29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? 

~how they make me feel fo sure 

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship? 

~communication, loyalty, passion, 

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die? 

~have a successful job, find the love of my life, and travel the world 

 32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing? 

~having to get divorced, letting down my future children, and emotionally traumatizing someone 

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause? 

~not a cause, but i’m a christain and that’s the truest thing in my life 

34. What does each decade make you think of:

The 19.. 

 20's: flapper dancers and the roaring 20s

 30's: the great depression and poverty

 40's: world war II and classic movies

50's: sock hops and diners

 60's: iconic fashion and audrey hepburn

 70's: my dad and classic rock

 80's: the breakfast club and how much i wished i grew up then ahahah

 90's: rnb and friends

 2000 (so far): brittany spears and my early childhood

 2010's: middle school and social media 

 35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?

~the 80s because i’ve always felt like that was the decade for me. that’s when my mom grew up and i envy her so much for growing up then. but also the 2000s because that was my early childhood and its crazy to think i’ll never get those days back 

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song? 

~stairway to heaven: led zeppelin

37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country? 

~the usa and president biden 

If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be?

~you good homie?

38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night? 

~i rarely watch live tv

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why? 

~bahah probs ursula because if i knew ariel could sing like that, i’d steal her voice too

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout? 

~no

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? 

~neither but a boat in the middle of the ocean during a storm would be terrifying 

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? 

~the sun?

43. What does your name mean? 

~i just looked it up and apparently it means noble LMFAO

44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space? 

~neither. both of those sound like a bad idea 

45. Word association What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:

Air: traffic

Meat: steak

Different: breed

Pink: drink

Deserve: freedom

White: elephant 

Elvis: graceland

Magic: treehouse

Heart: pump

Clash: boom

Pulp: fiction

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be? 

~audrey hepburn 100%

47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive? 

~jimmy garoppolo ;))

48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday?

~not everyday but i’m always down for a lotr/hobbit marathon

49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do? 

~a phone with some kind of wifi box so i can gtfo lmao

 50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved?

~uhhhh not that i can think of 

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words... 

 Fruitgoogle: a website you can search up fruits with

 Ambytime: free time

 Asscactus: an annoying person

 52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands?

~this little gift bag for my mom’s students 

53. What was your favorite toy as a child? 

~american girl dolls omfg 

54. How many TV’s are in your house? 

~3

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside? 

~swimming or just being at the beach

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow? 

~awwwwww

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? 

~i have dreamed about people and then met them which is a super weird experience 

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? 

~no

59. What is your idea of paradise?

~i think it would be a couple of different places or themes because i love to see the beauty in a lot of different ideas

60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like? 

~absolutely. He’s just and loving 

61. Do you believe in Hell? 

~yes

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't? 

~i honestly cannot think of anything 

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done?

~i’ve done some volunteer stuff for other people so ig something like that 

64. Are you a patient person? 

~i try to be 

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't? 

~free shopping day where only i can shop for free :))))))

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does?

~i love all the holidays 

67. What's the best joke you ever heard? 

~apparently none because i can’t think of one

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? 

~southpoint mall in charlotte. it was shopper’s heaven 

69. Is your hair natural or dyed? 

~all natural .

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front? 

~none that are interesting 

71. What is under your bed right now? 

~dust and stuff from my childhood

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home? 

~gtfo bahaha

73. If you drive do you frequently speed? 

~always

74. What is the world's best song to dance to? 

~depends on what kind of dancing. any 2000s club song is an absolute banger 

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone?

~some tik tok sound. just a gen z kid here :)

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? 

~probs disney 

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? 

~otters or tigers 

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?

~if i’m crazy about you, absolutely. .

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? 

~ig lol

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it? 

~travel all over 

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick? 

~i’m sorry that’s too stressful lol

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole? ~equator. i hate the cold 

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television?

~tv. i can’t live w/o music

84. What do you think makes someone a hero? 

~being selfless 

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in? 

~powderpuff girls 100%

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach:

~rats

87. What was the last thing you paid for? 

~clothes from shein

88. Are you a coupon clipper?

~nah

89. Get anything good in the mail recently? 

~not super recently 

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class...dancing, sailing, karate, or bowling? 

~dancing 

91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. What this means is they stand in a little tube and their molecules are deconstructed and sent to another tube somewhere else where they are reassembled. Only problem is when the molecules are deconstructed the person is dead. When they are put back together it is only a clone that has all the dead person's memories. So... Is the person who gets beamed the same person on both ends? 

~no because the real person died, so it’s a clone but not the original

92. What insects are you afraid of? 

~roaches and wasps

93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say? 

~”she stressin’ over her wardrobe” 

94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? 

~i have these huuuuge tiger earrings that are freaking extra. i wore them with green corduroy flair pants and a brown stripped shirt and literally looked like the 70s threw up on me hahah

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be? 

~chick fil a

96. What are your parents interested in? 

~my mom loves 70s tv shows and christmas lol and my dad likes classic rock and anything to do with christianity

97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet?

~we used to catch lightning bugs in a jar when i was little and put them in a jar.

98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans?

~uhhh plans....lol

99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest? 

~when i’m hanging out with friends or at a high energy place like an amusement park or concert

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring?

~water, a flashlight, and something for protection like a gun

[eldritchsurveys]

o12.

Have you ever sold anything online either on Craigslist, eBay, Amazon, etc.? If not, what is your website of choice like any of the above for buying things? >> Nope. My website of choice for buying things is Amazon, I guess, just because it’s easy and they have so much shit. If the opportunity arose, would you ever go to a nude beach? Do you think you’d be comfortable enough, being naked among others like that? >> Yeah, I’d try it. I suppose it couldn’t be all that bad, if everyone else is nude too. Levels the playing field, and all. But I wouldn’t want to like... sit on stuff butt-naked. Like, that’s the main thing that bothers me about just walking around nude -- I don’t want to put my unprotected parts on stuff, bruh. So... yeah, I guess I wouldn’t stay long for that reason. At least let me put some bikini bottoms on or something, damn. What was the last book you read? What about the book drew you to want to read it (plot, title, cover…)? Did you end up liking it? >> Dune Messiah. What drew me to it is that it’s the second book in the series I’ve dedicated myself to reading, so it was just the logical progression. I did indeed like it. Have you ever considered keeping a dream journal? If you have one, have you ever looked back on it at all of the odd/interesting dreams you used to have? >> I try to keep one, but my dream recall is very sporadic and unpredictable. Sometimes I look back at what I do have, yeah. Do you think regifting is cheap, or is it okay? Have you ever regifted before? >> I wholly approve of regifting. I think it makes more sense to give something to someone who will actually use or appreciate it, rather than hanging onto something just because... what, someone gave it to me? Like, I appreciate being given the gift, because the thought really does count to me, but if I’m not going to use the thing, then why would I let this perfectly good object go to waste just collecting dust in the closet or something when I can give it to someone who’ll actually enjoy it???? LOGIC

How often do you wash your hair? What do you think when you hear of some people not washing their hair for weeks at a time? Is it healthier, as they claim? >> Every couple of weeks or so. --Well, seeing as I’m one of those people, I don’t think much of anything, because it’s normal to me. I don’t care, this is what works for me and I’m going to keep doing it until something else works better. Do you think President Obama should stay in office, or is it time for a new president? >> Damn, bruh. In general, do you like/get along with your mother’s or your father’s side of the family more? >> --- Have you ever seen an animal give birth? Have you ever had a pet give birth before? >> Yeah, and not my pet but my friend’s pet. I’ve also seen a cat eat its kittens! It was very enthralling. What do your plans usually consist of on Christmas morning? Are they the same this year? >> These past two Christmases I was at Sparrow’s parents’ house, and I guess the first time it was novel and exciting, but the second time I was way over the performative-ness and those people and just... blaaagh. But I assume I’ll be doing the same thing this year, probably day-drinking and trying not to talk to anyone. Do you like iPads/tablets or laptops more? E-readers or books? >> I mean, I use my laptops almost exclusively. And when it comes to books, I really don’t give a damn, man. I use both at my leisure. If you don’t get much snow where you live, do you wish you did get more snow? If you do get snow where you live, do you get a lot? Do you like snow? >> Enough snow falls in West Michigan that I am usually quite sick of it by March or so. Also, winter has a habit of outstaying its welcome to a depressing degree, so by May I want to die. LMAO. --In general, yeah, I like snow, but like... moderation, man. If men could get pregnant too, would abortion still be as big an issue as it is? >> Hm. What is something you want to try to accomplish within the next year? >> I’m not sure. Have you ever had to “come out” to your parents about anything (sexual orientation, change in religion, etc.)? How did it go? >> I tried to explain being trans to my father once, lmao. It was actually pretty funny, because I was like, explaining hormone replacement therapy to him, and he was just like “.... hunh.” Like I think he was mostly just confused, lmao. But I mean, in general, I’m an adult. I don’t have to tell him anything about my life if I don’t want to, so it’s not a big deal. Do you ever get drunk by yourself? >> Yeah. Who else am I supposed to get drunk with, besides the people in my head? But I’m mostly over getting drunk, anyway. I mostly just drink until the light buzz now, and then stop there. I’m still thinking about whether getting ritualistically drunk (with Wednesday, for example) is a thing I want to continue... I’m not sure yet. I think if I do, it’ll only be with specific drinks (like maybe this 1000 Stories wine, which I still think he put into my hand in the first place), to further emphasise the ritual boundaries and also to control it a little (liquor is temperamental and the delayed release doesn’t help either, but wine is easier to control). Has there ever been a time where you’ve forgotten something extremely important? >> I mean, yeah, sure. Describe the last time you were infuriated. >> Infuriated... I feel like the last time I felt that way was because of some bullshit in the PixelCount Discord. That’s why I left that shit, I got tired. What’s the most unusual kind of pizza you’ve ever tried? >> I’m not sure. If you were given the chance to decorate an entire house the way you wanted, with no limit to cost, how would you decorate it? >> I’d need some time to think about that. If you could have any kind of lava lamp, what kind would you have? >> Any kind? I’ve never had one at all. What movie do you know by heart? >> I used to know Labyrinth pretty much backwards and forwards, but my last rewatch was a long while ago. I need to get back on that train. I know the songs of The Prince of Egypt pretty well, and some of the dialogue. I used to be good with The Crow but it’s been a long time for that one, too. Has there ever been a time where you thought you were going to be great friends with someone, but it just never happened? >> I don’t think so. What’s one of your favorite things to touch/feel? >> Certain kinds of stuffed animal fur. How often do you wear tights? >> I don’t. If you had to choose, what’s the most important thing in your life at the moment? >> I don’t like to rank things like this. Do you have Netflix? >> I do. How much money would you have to spend before you felt really guilty about spending that much? >> Hell, I feel guilty about spending $2 at Redbox (”but I can just wait until it’s on Netflix, or pirate it!!! this is a Waste” shut the fuck up, goblin brain, life is short). Has there ever been anything you’ve become interested in much later than other people? >> Yeah, lmao. I’m kinda slow sometimes. Why is your favorite TV show your favorite? >> LOL I keep forgetting to mention Metalocalypse as a favourite, too, but man, my feels about that show are legion. I love it because it’s hilarious, but also because I really actually care about this silly fucking death metal band and their longsuffering manager and the Doomstar that will herald their ascension and... just everything. I love that show so fucking much and I miss it every day of my life. Grey’s Anatomy is my favourite because it really hits me in the feels, like... I don’t cry about a lot of things but I’ve cried at half the Grey’s episodes I’ve seen. It just really does humanity well... like, it has some of the most honest and compassionate writing that I’ve ever seen. It’s an utterly amazing and heartfelt and joyful and sorrowful show and I’m so glad I started watching it. Person of Interest is my favourite because... wow. Again, amazing writing, just amazing. Such complex and emotional characters, and the whole Machine thing is just... right up my alley, man. An artificial superintelligence learning to truly appreciate humanity for what it is, like... I don’t know. I don’t know. It hits me right in the gut. I still get choked up about the ending of that show. God. Describe your favorite picture of yourself, or post it. >> I don’t have a single favourite photo. Is there a genre of music that some people would be surprised that you enjoy? >> Probably not, if they know anything about me. Assuming you have a Facebook, if one of your friends posted things that annoyed you, would you be more likely to delete them as a friend, hide their statuses, or just put up with it? >> I’d hide their statuses for a while, but if it got so I was never looking at their page, I’d just unfriend them. What’s the point, then? Have you ever had a veggie burger? >> Of course. Do you like candles? >> Yep. What’s your favorite video game? >> Pillars of Eternity, Dragon Age, Elder Scrolls, Guitar Hero, the list goes on. What was something you liked about today? >> Fuckin H O T GATORADE, god. fucking... god. LMFAO. When was the last time you passed out? >> I don’t know. Do you think “friends with benefits” relationships could ever possibly work without anyone getting hurt? >> I’m sure someone’s gotten it to work. Like, it’s a big world out there. Do you wear more sweatshirts or jackets? >> Hoodies. What was the last thing you had to drink? >> I had like half a Backwoods Bastard. I didn’t even finish it, it’s still on my desk. When was the last time you wore a sports bra? >> The last time I went out. When was the last time you went to a water park? >> Never. Does your best friend live close to you? >> --- Have you ever rode a train? >> I’ve ridden many a train. Where did you get the shirt you’re currently wearing? >> I’m just wearing an undershirt. This Night Vale hoodie used to be Sparrow’s. When was the last time you played Rock Band? With whom? >> It’s been a while. I usually play Guitar Hero because the guitar controller is more compatible with it. There’s a slight difference in how shit registers on Rock Band that messes me up a lot, and I haven’t felt like dealing with it. But I miss the RB songs, so I might try to make it work at some point. Maybe I just need to calibrate my shit. What was the last thing that you ate? >> A pack of those Captain’s Wafers crackers. The peanut butter and honey ones, the best kind!!!! I’m so glad I finally found a Meijer that sells the boxes, goddamn, finally. Who last messaged you on Facebook? >> Uh... probably my cousin Kythe, with another fucking chain IM thing. I’m about to block her ass, lmfao. What were you doing Saturday at 1:30 pm? >> I don’t remember. The last time you were intoxicated, what were you drinking? >> Mango-pineapple vodka and orange juice. It’s so delicious, too, and that’s the fucking problem -- I drink it because it tastes good, and next thing you know... Who last walked you home? >> --- What do you do to help your face from breaking out? >> Wash it. It takes care of the rest on its own. Did you make any new friends lately? If so, what are their names and how did you meet them? >> --- Would you rather see your favourite band/artist in concert with 2 other people or have a free $20,000 shopping spree to Walmart? >> What on earth am I going to buy at Walmart for that much money, lmao... I’d rather spend that kind of money somewhere else, so I guess I’d take the concert. I’d choose a band that doesn’t come to the US often. >:3 When was the last time you went out to eat? >> When I was in Chicago. On a scale of 1-10, how anxious are you currently? >> Er... 1? What kind of music do you listen to? >> The audible kind. What does your perfect day consist of? >> Meh. Do you have any online friends? >> Whatever friends I do have are online. Would you dye your hair red? >> Sure. If your ex wanted to take you back, would you say yes? >> I mean, that’s basically what happened innit lmao :B How is the weather? >> I don’t know, mild, I guess.  

[larryrickard]

lets get personal.

i know this is supposed to be an ask meme but i’m fucking bored & no one ever sends me them, so.  also i’m kinda pissy rn unfortunately so forgive pls some of my answers lol

01: 6 of the songs you listen to most?:  idk.  mostly i listen to everything on random anymore, and only in my car.  the only song i’ve listened to on repeat recently has been ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga. 02: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?:  speaking of which, lady gaga. 03: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.:  the only book near me would be all the books, as in my bookshelf.  unless you count my kindle, in which case there would be no line 17 because of the font size.  sorry. 04: What do you think about most?:  idk.  whatever my current obsession is i guess. 05: What does your latest text message from someone else say?:  “And you don't have to cook it”. 06: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?:  with.  i don’t like being naked and don’t understand those who do.  also i get cold. 07: What’s your strangest talent?:  i don’t have talents. 08: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence):  are soft and beautiful.  meh, have to earn my trust. 09: Ever had a poem or song written about you?:  a song, yes. 10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?:  a very long time.  it’s not a thing i ever do lol. 11: Do you have any strange phobias?:  i don’t think so.  my phobias are pretty standard. 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?:  when i was a kid, yeah.  plenty.  once my parents had to hold me down and tweeze a chewed up wad of juicy fruit out of my nose.  i fucking love the smell of that gum.  three year old me may have been stupid but, hey.  i was being economical.  also i blame it on my parents for, you know, giving a fucking toddler some gum. 13: What’s your religion?:  don’t have one.  former christian, which is gross.  don’t indoctrinate children, please and thanks. 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?:  walking to or from my car.  that’s about it.  :/ 15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?:  behind.  no one deserves to see my face.  rip to everyone who sees me in person on a regular basis. 16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?:  jars of clay, jimmy eat world, the elms. 17: What was the last lie you told?:  that i’m not in debt lmao.  the only time i’ve lied to my psychiatrist :/ 18: Do you believe in karma?:  no but sometimes i wish i did.  so many people deserve their comeuppance. 19: What does your URL mean?:  doesn’t really mean anything, he’s a character from the flash. 20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?:  all sorts of things?  and idk. 21: Who is your celebrity crush?:  lady gaga, angelina jolie, carlos valdes, idk if shane madej is a ‘celebrity’ but him, brie larson, michael sheen... idk, i don’t really have “crushes” but those are the first ppl to come to mind. 22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?:  nope.  and no thank you. 23: How do you vent your anger?:  lol. 24: Do you have a collection of anything?:  funko pops?  but not seriously.  i mean.  i have a lot of them bc i love a lot of characters and there are some pretty fuckin dope funkos.  but it’s not my goal in life to have a huge collection or anything.  at least i can say i have less than a hundred of them lol.  (less than 75.) 25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?:  ew, neither.  but if i had to choose, phone.  bc, you know.  my face. 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?:  lmfao no.  i mean, i’m better than the person i used to be, that’s for sure.  (see:  indoctrinated as a child, including your typical conservative bullshit like racism for starters.) 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?:  so many.  i have misophonia.  and people chewing + mouth sounds is definitely a big one.  love?  idk???  music?  rain?  my cat’s cute lil meow? 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?:  what if my thyroid issues were discovered earlier on instead of a year or more after they started.  my childhood doctor was Not Great.  it took her two weeks to figure out i had a sinus infection.  i was in the fourth grade.  still bitter about both of those. 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?:  no, ghosts aren’t real.  aliens yes.  not the stereotypical ones, but in a “given the size of the universe it’s literally impossible that we’re the only life out there” way. 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.:  right, the cat.  left, air. 31: Smell the air. What do you smell?:  nothing?  it’s my house/room, so to me it smells like nothing. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?:  uh... i’ve no idea? 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?:  west, obviously. 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?:  no such thing as ‘opposite’ gender.  of a different gender, though?  lady gaga. 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?:  who the fucking fuck knows.  literally know one knows, though tbh.  they just think they do. 36: Define Art.:  lmfao how would i know.  i don’t have a creative bone in my body so i should be the last person to comment on the subject. 37: Do you believe in luck?:  nope.  i hope it’s obvious by now that i don’t believe in fictional things. 38: What’s the weather like right now?:  cool.  cloudy.  typical oregon winter weather.  i want rain tho :( 39: What time is it?:  3:04am. 40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?:  yes.  and yes, several times.  three.  two totaled cars.  the last one is the only one that was actually my fault, though.  driving too close after it rained.  don’t do it, folks. 41: What was the last book you read?:  the diviners by libba bray.  currently reading a short history of nuclear folly by rudolph herzog.  fascinating, but kind of  depressing af. 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?:  no. 43: Do you have any nicknames?:  hal (to a very select few bc 99% of the time i hate it, so fuck you if you call me this without permission), hals, hallie bird, hallie strawberry. 44: What was the last film you saw?:  i honestly don’t know.  haven’t done a whole lot of movie watching lately.  maybe the fall (2006).  (please watch this movie, it’s so gorgeous and lovely.) 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?:  i’ve never had a serious injury.  well.  i take that back, i guess.  in my first car accident i was stopped and rear-ended at like, 40mph.  so i’ve had back issues since i was 18.  usually it’s fine but sometimes it’s bad and sometimes i can set it off really easily.  idk if that counts as “serious”, though.  lots of people have back problems. 46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?:  i don’t think so? 47: Do you have any obsessions right now?:  i guess buzzfeed unsolved and watcher.  and ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga lol.  good omens, as usual. 48: What’s your sexual orientation?:  asexual. 49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?:  yes.  thankfully only a few (that i know of, anyway). 50: Do you believe in magic?:  no. 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?:  yuuup.  they deserve it. 52: What is your astrological sign?:  taurus. 53: Do you save money or spend it?:  spend it :||  every paycheck i tell myself i’ll be better at saving it, but............ 54: What’s the last thing you purchased?:  preordered chromatica by lady gaga. 55: Love or lust?:  if i had to choose, love.  lust and all that stuff is gross. 56: In a relationship?:  nope.  shocker, i know.  (this is sarcasm.  it is no shocker to anyone as to why i’m single.) 57: How many relationships have you had?:  just the one. 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?:  nope. 59: Where were you yesterday?:  work on my day off for a staff meeting, and then my psychiatrists’ office. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?:  a few things, yes. 61: Are you wearing socks right now?:  yes.  almost always. 62: What’s your favourite animal?:  cats, then birds.  mice are p adorable, too.  i miss having them.  i haven’t had mice since middle school or early high school i think :(  i’d love more but my current cat would definitely try to eat them... same with a bird.  i’ll probably never have a bird :( 63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?:  be sarcastic and love stupid puns and bad jokes? 64: Where is your best friend?:  one is in ohio and the other is in massachusetts. 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.:  no idea lol.  i haven’t been on here much recently, and i’m never caught up anyway.  and i don’t usually pay attention to who is posting/reblogging. 66: What is your heritage?:  mostly german.  the rest is other typical white stuff that i can’t remember.  some irish?  either way idc. 67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?:  uh, rewatching some buzzfeed unsolved for the 100th time?  and playing with my tamagotchi? 68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?:  he doesn’t exist so idc. 69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?:  nope.  also, Nice™. 70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?:  incredibly doubtful. 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?:  go to work.  i love my job way too much.  i’d probably try to get someone’s attention if there was anyone around, and/or call animal services.  (there are no canals around here anyway and i don’t walk to work and ain’t gonna.) 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?:  who tf knows, i hate this shit.  i’d really rather not think about it bc it stresses me out.  i probably wouldn’t tell very many people tho.  try to find someone to take my cat :(  i sure as shit wouldn’t leave her to my parents :(  and i wouldn’t want to leave her in a shelter.  she’s already done that once and it makes me too sad. 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.:  trust.  you can’t have love without trust, though... 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?:  ‘sweetness’ by jimmy eat world, ‘fade to grey’ by jars of clay, ‘thunderhead’ by the elms, ‘bad romance’ and ‘g*psy’ by lady gaga (latter is... i hate the name but the song is so fucking catchy, ugh), ‘torn’ by natalie imbruglia, ‘bring it all back’ by s club 7, ‘... baby one more time’ by britney spears, ‘where’s the love’ by hanson, ‘who do you think you are’ by the spice girls, ‘as long as you love me’ and ‘everybody (backstreet’s back)’ by the backstreet boys, ‘black balloon’ by goo goo dolls, ‘spark’ by tori amos, ‘last beautiful girl’ by matchbox twenty, ‘push it’ by garbage, ‘i want you’ by savage garden, ‘minority’ and ‘she’ and ‘basket case’ and ‘macy’s day parade’ by green day... how’s that lol. 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?:  not giving out that kind of personal information lmao. 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?:  i wouldn’t know. 77: How can I win your heart?:  you probably can’t.  idk anyway. 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?:  sure, but lack of insanity is a better way to go.  don’t perpetuate the bullshit notion that you need to be suffering to create Great Art™. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?:  idk.  i haven’t made very many. 80: What size shoes do you wear?:  10 in women’s. 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?:  i’m going to be cremated and you probably should be, too.  just don’t get embalmed, k? 82: What is your favourite word?:  fuck. 83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.:  ‘alone’ by heart. 84: What is a saying you say a lot?:  idk.  someone who spends time around me irl would have to tell me. 85: What’s the last song you listened to?:  ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga on repeat. 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?:  blue.  then green, and in no particular order, black, grey, purple. 87: What is your current desktop picture?:  it’s boring, just the default mac catalina background lol.  i was having issues choosing a background and was getting way too fucking picky, so i just said ‘fuck it’ and have been using this one for months. 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?:  donald trump. 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?:  idk?  how much in debt i am?  lmao. 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?:  assume i’m having a night terror or am hallucinating.  and be scared. 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?:  hopefully teleportation. 92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?:  maybe when i met carlos valdes & got a picture with him.  he’s super sweet, is living sunshine, and gives amazing hugs. 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?:  so many :/  idek where to start tbh. 94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?:  i’m sex-repulsed so no thank you.  also, gross question.  get a life. 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?:  new zealand. 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?:  yes, my cousin bc he murdered my dad ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?:  no. 98: Ever been on a plane?:  many times. 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?:  indigenous people aren’t history, they still exist.  shut the fuck up and listen to them.  build a time machine to go back in time and prevent colonisers.  just straight-up kill them, we deserve it.

[lysitheaioandeuropa]

All the autumnal asks

ayyy

lantern - how did you meet your best friend? What were your first impressions of each other?'best friends' are so arbitrary. but michelle and i had the same training class at work and she thought i was intimidating lmao i thought she was odd but then realized she was actually cool. we're kind of inseparable now. i want to say my partner is my best friend as well, aside from being my gf we rly do have a close bond and i like talking to her and sharing things with her. of course both of those relationships are different dynamics, but i tell her everything, even shit that i know she's not interested in but she'll enjoy listening bc i am lmao and vice versa, and i wouldn't want it any other way

frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?oh MAN. i always say i wish i could go back and just do high school and on all over again knowing what i know now. i would cry a lot my freshman year bc i didn't have any friends and like, i wish i would have known to seek out help? and i wish i had known how outright abusive my first boyfriend was and how not good for me the other couple were. that "attention" doesn't always equate to good, and being violated multiple times against my wishes was something i should have found an adult i trusted and talked about with. i wish i could tell myself to work so much harder for what i want. i wish i knew i was gay sooner lmfao, like i KNEW but kids today are more exposed to that now, it's so easy to find a label or lack thereof for yourself with information at the tip of your hands you know (also kinda wish i didn't grow up in a church at all). i didn't figure out a label until.. far too late in life i think. i wish i knew to not feel guilty about it, to talk about it to other people, to not have to struggle with having crushes on just about all my friends and just being so confused about it lmao. anyway, i just want to make better choices for myself and a better person.

maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?i rly rly wanted to learn to play the harp.

harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?i'm not sure, none of the fictional characters i read about or anything are relatable to me. i do admire so many of them though

fireside - if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?who knows bro lmfao i have no idea what my aesthetic is lmao. it would be absolutely flawless though and would have a bit evertything. punk, goth, “professional,” whatever. right now i just think i am stuck in “ugly old lady hag” and i don’t know what to do about it. i absolutely hate my entire fucking wardrobe rn

cider - a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?i know there are quite a few things actually, but currently the only thing that comes to mind is salad dressing lol. i used to have all my salads naked but now i like italian and caesar but just those two

amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.SUMMER IS NOT THE VILLAIN IN 500 DAYS EVERY MAN THAT THINKS SHE IS MISSED THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE MOVIE. TOM IS PROBLEMATIC ACCEPT THAT SHIT.

SAME GOES FOR FUCKING TED AND ROBIN. LIKE YES YOU KNOW FROM EPISODE ONE THAT THEY ARE END GAME AND YOU EVEN ROOT FOR THEM AT TIMES, BUT LIKE NO IT SHOULDN'T HAVE ENDED LIKE THAT.

fog - how well do you think you’d do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?i say this all the time i would not survive that shit lmao, i hope i rly do find a way to make it or die within the first couple seconds bc i'ma be pissed if i put in all that work to still die before there is a cure. i wanna see how society is reconstructed or if it is at all like that'd be more interesting than TWD of FTWD

jack-o-lantern - if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?shay mitchell

spice - have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?no but i am watching paranormal survivors atm

orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.gingerbread houses & a nice gift exchange. i'm excited to spend most if not all of the holidays together

crow - which school subject do you wish you had an aptitude for?i pretty much have an aptitude for everything but i'm not like spectacular at anything. so i guess music bc i didn't practice anywhere near enough as i should have

bonfire - describe your dream house.two-story w maybe three bedrooms (i guess 4 if i magically end up having 2 kids). i would like "den" so to speak as an office/library space. i prefer open layouts with a lot of natural light available. enough greenlife in a balcony upstairs, the backyard has nice landscaping and a huge deck. whole thing is fenced in, white picket type thing so my neighbors ain't sneaking. it would be nice if it looked over a lake of some sort. i have a nice vision in my mind that i know i can't put into words. ideally we'll build a lot of it ourselves. the master suite would be NICEEE w french doors leading out to the balcony as well. bathroom has both, a nice porcelain tub and a two-headed shower (in this fantasy we can afford that kinda sewage bill). floors are hardwood all around, and matching marble countertops in the bathroom(s). the kitchen is a nice tile as well. cabinets are a pretty hard wood as well. alternative is a nife spacious open loft with everything mentioned, except the balcony is much bigger and access to a rooftop deck of our own. a loooot of glass, a lot of natural light over looking a huge city. in the perfect world i'd have that view of the space needle on one side and the mountain range on the other.

cinnamon - if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?there are no previous time periods that are exactly good for women of color

cobweb - (if you’ve graduated) do you miss high school?fuck no. but i would still want to redo it better. the only thing i miss i not having to pay bills but.. everything else i dealt with wasn't worth the tradeoff

cranberry - what’s one physical feature that you get complimented on?uhh i don't get complimented. however, every year students have said "ohh she's really pretty!" lol like they're surprised and i'm not what they expected

maize - share the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger on the street.i can't rly think of any.

quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)?hazelnut flavored coffee w half and half, & 3 splenda

pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?bad, i don't trust anyone to be good enough to be as such "inherently"

moonlit - are you a neat or messy person? Is your room / house orderly?SUPER NEAT  however, depression can get in the way of that. but even then my messy is not at all someone else's messy i'm just picky. my house and room are very orderly and i'm not fixing to have it be otherwise

flannel - have you ever gone on a bad date? not like a date horror story, and the one's i've had in my last & current relationship have been rly nice. but i think before some of the dates i had were certainly questionable

cocoa - if you could have any type of hair, what colour and cut would you have?i mean if i could have any i would try them all or change them at whim. rn though i just want my long dark curly hair again

ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?yeah dude, a ton to be honest. but it is what it is

[i-amusemyself]

All the asks.

Aaaaah tysm!!!!!

Sunrise or sunset?

Sunset. I prefer the colours and also not being awake so early!

Are you mentally ill?

Yeah I have depression but whatevs

Are you physically ill?

Chronically my dude. I have IBS and EDS type 3

What is the most expensive thing you have bought?

A plane ticket for nearly £1000 lmao! It took me working 3 jobs for over a year but it was worth it.

Do you have a job?

Not atm but I’ll get one in a few months. 

Are you in school?

Noooooo!! I finally finished sixth form in June. I’m finally free!! (I’m so happy I won’t have to see half those people again ngl)

Are you a dropout?

Nah

Are you in college?

Assuming this means uni, then no, but I will be in october.

Introvert or extrovert?

I have?? No idea?? I’m shy af and really quiet but I do like meeting new people.

What do you think when you look at your body?

I don’t really think much at all anymore, which is an improvement tbh. I just sort of see it but don’t process it.

What have others said when they look at your body?

I’ve had a lot of not-so-supportive comments about my body from a lot of people. Most people tell me I’m too thin, that I’m unattractive, that I should get surgery for one reason or another. Idk. I don’t expect much more tbh.

Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply?

Hoo boi I have a whole playlist of songs that mean something to me.

Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive?

It was 2, maybe 3 weeks ago now XD I was roadtripping around America with my best friend @only-slightly-dangerous and it was the happiest I’ve ever been. We were care free and the world was beautiful and there were so many new things to see and do. I wish I was back there.

Are you confident wearing a bikini?

Not at all, I’ll avoid it at all costs.

Can you look people in the eyes while talking?

See, I don’t have a conscious issue with it. I don’t mind eye contact that much. But I usually subconsciously end up looking away, especially if I’m thinking deeply about something/trying to remember something.

Has anything terrible happened to you?

Depends on your definition of terrible. But yeah, a couple of things have really fucked me up.

Has anything wonderful happened to you?

I met the best person in my life at the worst time in my life. The chances of it happening were ridiculously slim; I still can’t get my head around it.

Favorite part of your personality?

I don’t know. My patience or my sense of humor?

Least favorite part of your personality?

How easily I become jealous of others. Or maybe my need to be in control. I’m working on both of them though.

Favorite part of your body?

....my legs? I’m told theyre p good?

Least favorite part of your body?

Maybe my face? Maybe my chest. Idk, I don’t critique it often.

Favorite quote?

“The sun will rise and we will try again”. There are others I like, but that’s the first that comes to mind.

Do you have friendships with all genders?

I have a crippling fear of men so most my close friends are with girls. Though again, I’m working on it.

Do you have a good relationship with your father?

I didn’t used to so much, but I think it’s improved a lot over the past few years.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother?

It’s complicated. I don’t really wanna go into it rn

Do you have a good relationship with your siblings?

I don’t have any sibs, kinda wish I did though

Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member?

Yuuup

Have you ever had a near death experience?

Nope

Do you know anyone who has taken their own life?

Yeah. I used to talk to a girl on here and for months we held a pact of staying alive for each other. But she gave up (I kind of understood though). That was rough.

Have you ever tried to take your own life?

...whatever I answer this with feels like a lie

Biggest lie you have told?

I canny remember lmao

Do you follow any conspiracies?

I haven’t read much into many conspiracies, ngl. But there was something strange about how those twin towers fell down...

Do you believe in a New World Order?

Never heard of it. Gonna google it though.

Do you respect your government and the way your country is run?

Not at all. The tories can kiss my butt. They’re barely human.

Is there currently any strife in your country?

Meh, nothing too bad.

Have you ever been displaced within your country?

Nope, thankfully.

Are your friendships healthy?

The ones I have left are lmao! I’ve been doing a lot of cutting off in the past year, but it seems to have worked out pretty well.

Are you currently fighting with a friend?

No

Are you jealous of a friend? Why?

No. Their achievements don’t diminish my own. I want them all to succeed.

Do you believe in the Illuminati?

As much as I’m here for the meme, I don’t actually know much about it.

Do you think any celebrities are associated with the Illuminati? Who?

See previous.

How can people tell you are nervous?

Um, I don’t know. I try not to let on. Depending on the situation I might ask a lot of questions about it or just be very talkative in general. Also not being able to sit still.

How can people tell you are sad?

I don’t tend to talk as much or with as much enthusiasm. I also tend to “zone out” a lot if I’m feeling really down. Sometimes I’ll just give up on conversations all together and refuse to make any more effort than the other person is doing.

Do you ever express your true feelings?

I...think so. Yeah. I sometimes dilute them when I express them, but I rarely keep a feeling contained completely. That destroys me.

Regrets in your life?

Not standing up for myself more.

Achievements in your life?

I won a couple of things when I was younger (basketball tournaments, painting competitions) also I do well in school ig?

What did people say about you in school?

I mean, I’m sure I never heard all of it. The general consensus seemed to be everyone hated me for being “stuck up” and for doing okay at tests. Idk. 

What did you say about people in school?

Depended on the person lmao! I wasn’t a big fan of many people in my year, but I didn’t really hate any of them as much as they thought.

Is there something you have never told anyone?

yh

Have you committed an illegal act?

I mean, piracy, that’s it.

If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it?

I’d buy a house somewhere nice, a plane ticket and a holiday. Then I’d give a decent amount to everyone I know. The rest I’d give to charity.

What were your aspirations at age 5, 10, 15, 18?

I cant even remember what my aspirations were yesterday?? I’ve pretty much always wanted to do something to do with science, though it’s varied which parts of it.

Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined?

It aint happened.

Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household?

Low to average I’d say? My mums a single parent but we do okay.

Are you from a broken marriage?

My parents are divorced yah

Have you been raised by a solo parent?

Sort of? Officially speaking yeah.

Do you know both your parents?

Yup

What colour eyes, hair and skin do you have?

Brown eyes, blonde hair and white skin.

Have you abused drugs or alcohol?

No. I’ve drunk when I probably should have just talked about my feelings though.

What languages can you speak?

I speak english and a reasonable level of spanish. I’m also learning danish atm.

Do you conform to your societies standards?

Idk, I guess not.

Do you cry often?

Lmao, a lot more often than most people yeah. I’ve a very emotional person.

Do you tell people what you think of them?

Only the good parts.

Are you comfortable accepting compliments?

Not at all, it always feels like a lie.

Are you comfortable giving compliments?

Oh yeah! If I’m thinking something good about someone I’ll let them know!

Is any mental illness hindering your life?

Depression. It’s a bugger.

Is any physical illness hindering your life?

To a normal person it might seem it, but I’ve just kind of adapted to my illnesses so I can live life as normally as possible now.

Do you keep up with current events?

I try to I suppose. I haven’t so much recently though ngl.

What’s the latest news in the world you have heard/read?

This feels like a test....idk

What have you done today?

Slept, eaten, watched netflix, scrolled through tumblr.

Do you sleep well?

Sometimes

Do you sleep badly?

Sometimes

Have you ever hurt anyone because you were hurting?

Who on earth remembers their past with such clarity?? I mean, it’s possible yeah. But I couldn’t tell you who or when and it’s not something I’m proud of.

Has anyone ever hurt you because they were hurting?

Search me. That isn’t usually the first thing I ask someone when they hurt me.

Have you ever had to end a friendship/relationship? Why?

Yeah, a couple. Especially friendships if people have been more trouble than they’re worth and they’ve become someone who regularly hurts me.

Have you ever stopped someone from hurting themselves?

I’ve talked a few people down from suicide, but I don’t know how many of them are doing rn unfortunately.

Has anyone ever stopped you from hurting yourself?

My best friend.

Do you like your laugh?

I don’t hate it, but I do worry it annoys other people.

Are you preparing for an apocalypse? And what kind?

Lmfao no I’m not prepared for anything!! 

Do you have any funny family stories?

Not really, not that I can remember. 

Are you religious?

Nah

Do you like to watch true crime shows or movies?

Yeah lmao, ngl I love a good true crime show

Are you interested in cults?

...I guess I wouldn’t be adverse to finding out more about them

Would you like to raise a family in your country?

I mean, it wouldn’t be the worst place in the world to do it, but I plan on moving to another country before I consider doing that.

List some things you wanted in your childhood but never got?

I don’t know?? I was just grateful for the things I did have.

Is there a large age gap between you and a sibling?

Lmfao yeah 18 years and counting

Are you from a blended family?

Yup

Do you believe in marriage? Why/Why not?

Yeah I once saw a married person with my own two eyes.

What is the nicest thing anyone has said to you?

“You are my favourite person.”

Do you keep a journal?

In a way? I have a blog that acts as a journal and also a scrapbook

Would anyone be hurt by reading it?

Probably. I think about that a lot.

Do you have children?

Nope

Have you been pregnant?

Nopety nope

List your favorite movies?

In no particular order:

-Deadpool  -My Sisters Keeper  -Mamma Mia    -Hot Fuzz   -The Life of Brian  -The Lovely Bones    -Pitch Perfect 2

List your favorite people?

They know who they are.

Talk about the birthmarks and scars on your body?

Umm, I have a birthmark on my neck which I always think would be cool if it showed how I died in a previous life. 

Do you look after yourself?

Most of the time yeah

Do you put yourself or others first?

I put others first almost all the time. I couldn’t bare not to.

Are you happy today?

I mean,,, I was cut open and zipped back up 2 days ago so I’ve felt better lmao! 

Are you loved?

Contrary to what my anxiety wants me to believe, I think I actually might be by a few people.

[burstbombbitch]

In-depth Character Sheet

Credit to Sir Ender at this writing forum.

Reblog or repost. DO NOT remove credit.

TAGGED BY: @doublerosa​

TAGGING: hoo boy here it comes. the squad ofc @sturmazing, @musesoiree​ (for dustin, and anyone else but there’s so much dude), @coriignis and @theseasirens​​ for any blog. all my lovely friends @silentisms​. @fireflym​ @seelostsouls​ (u can choose a blog)  @eudaiimonia @gottaxroll @splashysquid

---fuck there’s so many of you to tag jesus please just take it if you see this. i love all of you.

i wrote this like a week ago i’m sorry no obligation to actually do this bc it took me SO LONG pls dont suffer

FULL NAME: Bonbon Charbonneau MEANING: “Charcoal Chocolate”, essentially. Meant to refer to a nasty outside, but sweet inside. NICKNAME: Bon, Bonnie, BB, Bunny. MEANING: No one wants to say her repetitive full name, lmfao. AGE: 20 BIRTHDAY: December 5th. ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Sagittarius. GENDER: Cis Female. ALLERGIES: None. SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Pansexual / Panromantic. THEME SONG(S): (Octospy) (Normal) (Octoqueen)

APPEARANCE HAIR COLOR: Pastel pink, bordering on white. HAIR STYLE AND LENGTH: A pair of super long tentacles, styled in two buns. EYES COLOR: Lilac, with star-shaped pink pupils. HEIGHT: 3′11′‘ | 119.38 cm. WEIGHT: 69 lbs | 31.3 kg. OUTFIT/CLOTHING STYLE: Lolita, essentially. Really girly and proper. Occasionally will dress way, way, down, usually during or after a tournament. DISTINGUISHING MARKS(SCARS,MOLES): Bio-luminescent “freckles” all over her body. SELF CARE(MAKE UP): Lots. Usually winged eyeliner and scarlet eye-shadow. FIRST IMPRESSION ON PEOPLE: Prissy, proper, elegant. SKIN COLOR: Dark brown. BODY TYPE/BUILD: Pear-shaped. Large thighs, strong, long legs, and slightly toned biceps. DEFAULT EXPRESSION: A small, haughty smile, with half-lidded mischievous eyes. POSTURE: Straight, hands usually on hips, Weight leaning to one side. PIERCINGS: None, presently. DESCRIBE THEIR VOICE: Her voice is very confident despite not being relatively loud. She speaks without filler words or stammers. It has a very regal sound to it, where her words are careful to come out, but dance upon the air with grace. Statements tend to end with a crescendo, regardless of whether or not it is a question. Exaggerates words frequently. Strict pronunciation. Extremely proper. (Voice Claim)

RELATIONSHIPS MOM: Céleste Charbonneau HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: When she’s feeling playful, Céleste is definitely the one she runs to. She gets along with her well, although her mother’s extroverted energy does grow tiresome and she eventually retreats to her own room for solitude. DAD: Clair Charbonneau HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: He is the sensible one of the family. She finds herself closer to him than her sometimes eccentric mother. They spend a lot of time together, reading books and watching movies. He did most of her homeschooling, alongside hiring well-established tutors, before deciding that he would release her into the world. If she knew the decision to deafen her was his, she might be more inclined to be less loving. SIBLINGS: None. HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A. CHILDREN: None. HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A. PAST LOVER(S): N/A. CURRENT LOVER: N/A. REACTION TO MEETING SOMEONE NEW: She makes snap decisions on whether or not the person is worth her time. By default, she’s very smug and arrogant, finding them to be more of a thing to play with than someone to converse with. She’s not above manhandling someone to make them more amusing to her. ABILITY TO WORK WITH OTHERS: She attempts to take charge and do all of the work to get out of the circumstance of having to work with anyone. When she must cooperate, though, she is relatively tolerable, for she doesn’t want to screw someone else (unless it benefits her) over. LEAST FAVORITE TYPE OF PERSON: Shy, anxious. She doesn’t like reminders of herself. She’ll goad them to make them do something. She definitely tries to invoke some sort of other trait out of them. PARENTAL TYPE(PROTECTIVE,ETC): Her parents were both extremely overprotective of her, a trait she fails to displace when she has children. They were very lenient with her as well, besides the whole ruining her early life, making her more prone to gently guiding her children without imposing her will onto them.

PERSONALITY ...WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THEM: Confident. Placid. Elegant. ...AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY LIKE YOU): Excitable. Bubbly. Childish. ...AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY DISLIKE YOU): Sarcastic. Sassy. Snide. FAVORITE COLOR: Lilac. FAVORITE FOOD: Tea and cream-filled pastries! FAVORITE ANIMAL: Cats, spiders. FAVORITE ELEMENT: Air. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR: Grey. LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Eggs LEAST FAVORITE ANIMAL: Shark HOBBIES: Singing, dancing, shopping, and video gaming. USUAL MOOD: Relaxed. Calm. DRINK/SMOKE/DRUGS: Nope. She drinks very, very infrequently. DARK VERSION OF SELF: gestures at the octospy verse LIGHT VERSION OF SELF: gestures at inkling idol verse HOW SERIOUS ARE THEY: She holds herself relatively seriously. CLASS IN AN RPG: Cleric, Archer, Mage. BELIEVE IN GHOSTS: Kinda, yeah. (IN)DEPENDENT: Independent. VULNERABILITY: Hearing problems. Mentions of war. Divulged secrets. OPINION ON SWEARING: Abominable. DAREDEVIL VS CAUTIOUS: Daredevil. MUSIC TYPE: She’s fond of so many genres, provided it’s not ear-shattering. She can find the best in all types of music. MOVIE TYPE: So bad, it’s good / Romance / Thriller BOOK TYPE: Adventure / Mystery / Romance COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE: About 65 F. SLEEPING PATTERN: Sleeps about 8-10 hours a day. CLEANLINESS/NEATNESS: Obsessively neat. DESIRED PET: Either a tarantula or a kitten. HOW DO THEY PASS TIME: Sleeping, or reading books. BIGGEST SECRET: Her song and dance are fueled by her synaesthesia. HERO/WHO THEY LOOK UP TO: Her grandmother, Nia Di Napoli. WHAT ANIMAL WOULD THEY BE: Cat FEARS: Silence, large bodies of water, loneliness. COMFORTS: Sensory objects, tactility, sleeping.

HOW DO THEY REACT TO… DANGER: Face it head on. She’s very cocksure. SOMEONE THEY HATE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON THEM: Tease and torment. She’d egg them on and flirt with them, knowing she’s just grinding them beneath her heel. PROPOSAL TO MARRY: Lighting up! Squealing! Storm of kisses! Lots of touching. God knows her voice is going to reach killer wail levels of painful pitch. DEATH OF LOVED ONE: Wailing, violence, shutting down as a whole. Non-stop aggression. DIFFICULT GAME/MATH/ETC: Continue trying, nonstop---literally. Someone’s gonna have to intervene. INJURY: Grin and bear it. SOMETHING IRRESISTIBLY CUTE: Lip biting. Grabby hands. Lighting up, again. Bouncing on her heels.

HISTORY BIOGRAPHY: Born a synaesthetic, Lady Charbonneau’s family fretted for her sensitive hearing. As a result, they silenced and removed her from the world, raising her as if she had been deaf from birth. Their only child remained a mystery to most of Inkopolis, locked behind closed doors for her own “safety”. Her close friend, Nia Di Napoli, frequently removed the headphones that muted everything, helping her solidify the courage to defy their decision while giving her the opportunity to adapt to sounds she had yet to experience. 

This habit of babying her remained throughout her adolescence. Despite training efficiently in self-defense, and constant attempts at proving herself worthy of respect, her family reciprocated with buying out her Turf War matches and downplaying her ability. Finding that out coaxed her into sneaking into the Adult Ranked Matches late at Inkopolis Tower, where they couldn’t bribe people into losing. Of course, dealing with high ranked squids while being only C- yourself grew tiresome, but persistence eventually brought her to S+ at age 17.

Desperate to receive some fragment of respect, Bonbon put herself up for drafting come her eighteenth birthday. The Charbonneau family has a long-standing history of war, benefiting troops through monetary and physical means. One of the elders, Bourbon Charbonneau, fought valiantly as a captain in the Great Turf War hundreds of years ago. Keeping up the legacy, she thought, was her only chance of being her own person.

While every decision has seemingly furthered her depression, she continues on a path already tread in the hopes that such a safe route will bring about some sort of reward, even if it isn’t bountiful. Another option for her, her ability to sing entrancing songs, lies in wait, hoping to be utilized.

FIRST APPEARANCE: A mysterious, minuscule pinkling took a tournament by storm without even giving a word as to her age, rank, or background... and donated the proceeds to charity?

KNOWLEDGE LANGUAGES: Inkling, Sign Language, Human French, Written Octarian, Learning Hylian. SCHOOLING LEVEL: College student, essentially. FAVORITE SUBJECT (S): Linguistics and Theatre INTERESTED CAREERS: She wishes she knew. She’d love to actually sing, though. EXPERTISE: Theatre, Song and Dance. CHEMISTRY: A MATH: A LANGUAGE: A+ GEOGRAPHY: B POLITICS/LAW: B- COOKING: F, until she pays off the teacher. MECHANICS: C BOTANY (FLOWERS): A MYTHOLOGY: A DRAMATICS(ACTING,SINGING): A+++

READING LEVEL: College graduate. HOW GOOD ARE THEY AT PLANNING AHEAD: Always have a plan!

ROMANCE . DO THEY TAKE INITIATIVE: Definitely. She’s very needy and you’ll know it immediately. HOW DO THEY ACT(SHY,ETC): While very avoidant when crushing, she’s super clingy and affectionate when dating. GENTLEMAN/LADYLIKE VS KLUTZY: Ladylike with a dash of klutzy. She shows her real side if she really trusts her partner, so they have to deal with a near 180 of the persona she shows on a daily basis. GO SLOW VS JUMP INTO: Jump into! She puts all her apples in one basket. PROTECTIVE: Extremely. She’s very feral and primitive at times. ACT LIKE FRIENDS OR LOVERS: Her lover has to be her best friend. WHAT KIND OF PRESENTS DO THEY BUY: She actively stalks her partner’s wishlists or things they see as they cruise around together, and has them anonymously delivered, as it she wasn’t obvious. If she hasn’t a clue, she’ll start sending dorky things she thinks are nice to try to gauge their interest. TYPE OF KISSER: She steals small kisses, before elongating them with lots of lip tugging. Definitely fond of it. The type to really get into it. DO THEY WANT KIDS: Not really, but can be easily persuaded. DO THEY WANT TO MARRY: Yes. MAKE GOOD OR BAD DECISIONS: She has a tendency to make bad ones, but hopefully her partner corrects that. :^) Or at least doesn’t let her. ARE THEY ROMANTIC: Yes, albeit cheesy and dorky deep down... HOW ARE THEY IN BED: She prefers to be dominant, and that’s all I’ll say. GET JEALOUS EASY: Not if she is trusting of her partner, but she is definitely very anxious and wonders if she’s good enough frequently. WIFE/HUBBY BEATER: Uh, no. MARRY FOR MONEY: click this. FAVORITE SEX POSITION: uh WHAT WOULD HAPPEN ON THEIR DREAM DATE: A nice long exploration through untraveled territory---just the two of them. Lots of hand-holding, kisses, and cuddles. Good food would definitely seal the deal as the best date ever. OPINION ON SEX: She’s yet to form one, although she’s occasionally thirsty. It doesn’t really come to her often. As long as it’s consensual, she’s down for anything.

[borntoslay]

Do you ever wear drag in public? Have you ever had trouble for it? I really admire your work a lot

First of all TY!!

It’s kind of a weird subject and the last time I wrote a story this long was when I talked about the first time I wore eyeliner 5 (???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???!!) years ago, so since I wrote that out so nicely + professionally, I will also write this story out nicely now as well.

I think since I wrote that story about eyeliner in 2012, there have been about 5 pivotal moments for me.

Halloween 2013

Halloween 2014

All of 2015

Early 2016

Late 2016–present

HALLOWEEN 2013

Since I’m such a tumbler girl a good chunk of yall might remember my Halloween 2013 moment since it was the first time I bought a wig and really tried doing a full face and it truly was such a MOMENT. Like literally life-changing. Up until that point I had only done eyeliner + was only starting to dabble in filling in my eyebrows… never touched foundation or primer (don’t judge me again Olivia it was a different time)—never even OWNED foundation or primer if that’s any indication… but this just felt like such a huge thing that I HAD to do, and so I bought everything I thought could help me from the clearance bins at drug stores and every day for like, a month, learned more and more about how to do things that every like, 11 year old knows how to do now: contour, define eye sockets, block out eyebrows, etc, and I finally went to school (like, equivalent to my junior year of college) like this:

And luckily, I live in the surprisingly liberal Hawaii, and I majored in a creative field so everyone was super open to it and even supportive. After Halloween 2013, I started contouring everything I could (for better or for worse… don’t judge me OLIVIA), and started wearing foundation and doing a simple, but full face every day for school. 2014 was the year I dyed my hair a different color every month (don’t do this by the way, I literally was bald at the end of the year), and by the time Halloween 2014 came around, I was working at my current place of employment (an advertising agency).

HALLOWEEN 2014

Again, because Hawaii is a liberal state and I now work in a creative field, everyone was very open to how my looks continued to change from month to month (I started in March 2014 and my hair went from brown to yellow to gray/silver to green to blonde again to red to maroon to pink, to pink with a ponytail, to blue with a ponytail, to black with a ponytail by October 2014), so I did 5 full days of Halloween at work, all different types of hair and makeup and therefore all different types of drag (again, for better or worse LOL), until Halloween day:

Oh my god my ROOM LMFAO Wow Queen You Live Like This LMFAO

ANYWAYS. So although I had a LOT of baby steps along the way, October 2014 was the first time I REALLY did drag. Luckily Adore was just on Drag Race earlier in the year and I learned about cinching the waist! LOL

(Adding onto the 2012 post I wrote mentioning my mom slowly learning to deal with whatever I did—she actually helped me find clothing AND PROP options for all 5 of the looks I did, went with me to help pick out + buy my first pair of HEELS, and even hand-tied the “meat” onto them while I rushed to finish my makeup that morning… I’m way up I feel blessed…)

My office was so supportive of this whole thing which lead to more and more drastic hair and makeup changes through the remainder of the year, that I basically entered 2015 like this

2015

As I mentioned earlier, I had to shave my entire head because my hair was completely damaged. Luckily, although I was bald as fuck, I had been investing on some cheap wigs towards the end of 2014 in anticipation of this, and so before the new year started, I had mapped out which colors I would for which month (it was sort of like, my thing), and went to work every single day with a full 20-30″ of hair, and a full beat, but with my normal body.

This is where it gets tricky, because I’m not sure if you would necessarily count this as “drag” because of my clothes and perceived body type, which is superficially cisgendered, HOWEVER, I literally had a FULL beat EVERY SINGLE DAY, matched my hair to whatever I was wearing (my goal was to hit every color combination possible throughout the year):

I even had like, “concepts” so like one day I decided to be a peacock

One day I decided to be the continuation to Telephone

”Discoverers’ Day”

“Personal growth through digitized romance” the week I joined Tinder + Grindr

”Weighed down and blue” (I realized late last year that I have seasonal depression!)

Here’s some Christmas looks I did at work during the week of Christmas:

Sometimes it’s wasn’t always a “concept” so much as just a color scheme:

In this case, the color scheme was the concept, in trying to match myself,

to commemorate the day I got a callback interview for my current job (after making 1 year):

Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that I did my hair + makeup a LOT in 2015 and learned + grew SO much in that year. You can literally see the difference between March 2015:

and August 2015:

So if you count this as “drag” (I always call what I do just “hair and makeup” because . idk), then yes, I went out to work (in town) with it every single day and which I have been blessed to never have received any real trouble with it, it can totally be scary going out with it, with ANY amount of something non-conforming. My hair is blonde right now and I wear it with a clip-in ponytail and I still always watch my back when I’m walking to my car, hold my breath when I step out to fill up gas, and am even apprehensive about taking in the trash while one of my neighbors drives by—and I’ve felt this same amount of fear back when I used that fucking washable marker under my eyes and went to school, or just wore a color that might’ve stood out just a LITTLE too much and had to catch the bus. It can all be fucking scary, NGL!

RuPaul says “Anybody who can step out of the house with a pair of heels and some lipstick on their lips is my hero.” and that’s exactly how I feel too.

Early 2016

So wrapping up as quickly as possible (since I spent a little too long reminiscing on 2015…), after an entire year of doing it every single day, I had decided to stop doing my hair + makeup because my hair had finally grown back, and after having a pretty rocky 2015 in my career, I really wanted to focus on my professionalism. Walking into my office at 10:30am because it took me from 6–10am to do my hair and makeup, lipsync to a relevant or themed song, and have a mini-photoshoot DAILY was kind of not ok. So I did “boy drag” basically for most of the year except for the couple of times I went out with my beautiful friends (especially my LGBT friends), who helped me to feel safe enough again to do so.

My favorite couple in the entire world got married back in April 2016 and so me being me, I annoyingly decided to upstage them both because they are probably 2 of my biggest supporters, and it was a gay wedding anyway!

So if we’re talking full body head-to-toe drag, this is actually technically only my second time doing drag. I continue to be blessed in that it was really well received and everyone was, as always, super supportive, and my friends loved it.

Late 2016–present

Which brings us to what I’m doing now. When I turned 24 in June, I just magically wanted to do like… EVERYTHING. LOL And one of them was, and I’ve mentioned in the past, to do YouTube again, possibly doing makeup on there. Again, I’m iffy in calling what I do “drag,” as throughout my time doing it, it’s always been primarily hair and makeup, going down to my chest at the lowest. I’ve started a sketchbook with concepts and ideas and “looks” and on the Saturdays or Sundays that I felt inspired to do so, I would create those looks, and put them on my Instagram.

The thing is that what I’ve been doing is what I’m REALLY interested in, but because I don’t have a social life anymore, I don’t do any of these in public, and because of that, I really don’t think I can consider this “drag,” as much as, what I’ve been calling it, “hair and makeup” LOL

Also, to answer your question as fully as possible, yes, unfortunately, I have had negative experiences while out in “drag.” My coworkers used to like going to the food places up the street, and in order to get to them, we would have to cross this busy intersection where these 2 very loud, VERY aggressive and VERY judgmental Christian protestors would camp out, and with my very bright yellow… or red, or blue, or pink, or lavender, or green, or FIRE, or literally any long hair in general, I was a VERY easy target for them, and they would point at me from across the street and start preaching to the entire city about how I was going to go to hell and that I must REPENT, that homosexuality is a SIN, that the lord HATED ME, that I should be ASHAMED and BOW DOWN BEFORE GOD…

…but the gag is, I’m Christian, and have been raised Christian all my life, further proof that they didn’t even read their favorite book, because they obviously did not see Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, lest ye be judged”… In 2015, there were days when my anxiety would be so bad that I would just make up a meeting I had to be at, or a job I just remembered a deadline for, just so I could turn around and run back to my office. Luckily, my coworkers care about me so much that we’ve stopped going there as much. The insane thing is that when I stopped doing full hair + makeup, or even when I stopped doing as bright colors, they stopped noticing me altogether, and would be pointing and yelling at others. God, I hate them.

The day I had the yellow/red hair (McDonald’s phone case) was a week they were filming Zac Efron’s new movie Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates outside my office, and so when I was walking from my parking lot to my office, there was a group of like, 12 men who were on the crew and they were immediately silent and just stared as this almost-6″ yellow… person… was just trying to make it past them to get to my office door literally 8 feet next to them, and while I walked past, one of them was like “…nice hair…” and they all started giggling and I was like ok (inside: kms)

The day I had the gray/orange color scheme, I had picked up dinner with my friend and was walking back to my office when this lady started running up behind us (mind you, it was in the dark, in the middle of town), and she said that her friend thought I was really hot, and, relieved that she wasn’t running up behind me to spit homophobic slurs, I said a gracious “omg thank you! I hope you have a great night!” and was about to keep heading towards my office, but was stopped again as she continued, “He wants to know if he can have your number…?” eventually implying that he was most likely a t-chaser and was looking to hook up later.

While we’re on the subject, and I’m sure all my hunties already know what I’m talking about, but t-chasers on dating/hookup apps are, to re-address the initial question, some of the scariest it can be at times. I was on Tinder/Grindr for about 8 months (with my pictures all being of me in “drag”) and I only went on about 5.5 dates because those 5 men were the ONLY ones who were interested in meeting ME; never ONCE sending me that mood-killing, “so… can I ask you something?” message. 4/5 of my dates were perfect gentlemen, and the 5th one who was a jerk was just a jerk in general, not because he fetishized me or anything like that. In fact, for the record, he was my DREAM MAN before I met him in person LOL

It’s not always horrible though. In fact, while the above stories do happen often, much more often then them, I will have strangers come up to me (and my anxiety kicks in and I’m like “welp. I guess this is the person who kills me…”), and they’re just SO full of support. Like when I was the Christmas tree, I went to grab lunch with my coworkers and this lady we walked past stopped me to tell me how amazing it was and how more amazing it would’ve been if it lit up, and so I turned it on, it lit up, and she was SLAYED LMFAO! And then we had to walk past her again while we were heading back to the office, and she was slayed all over again omg. God bless people like that.

SO. To finish answering your question, unfortunately, no, I don’t really wear drag in public anymore, unless it’s for something really special or I feel like it REALLY will be safe enough to do so. I really am blessed enough to have a really strong support system of people who, intentionally or not, want to make sure I’m safe, and will walk with me or do whatever they can to make it easier… I think this is why I love Hey Girl so much. It’s fucking scary out there! But we can make it easy if we lift each other!

I hope this answered your question… sorry it was so long, but I really haven’t documented much about my real life post-2013/2014, and a LOT has changed since then LOL! I have a sneaking suspicion that you might be the one who’s been sending me similar positive messages scattered throughout the years in regards to my makeup, and if you are the one who said they wanted to get into try it too, I really hope you do/have! Even if it’s, like me post-2016, for yourself. It’s an amazing art form, and EXTREMELY liberating, especially in today’s times. Sometimes you just have to do things because they’re important to YOU, not for commercial success.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #404

“death doesn’t answer when i cried for help”

The person you had the strongest feelings for dies, do you care? I'd be fucking devastated. It wouldn't feel real. Is there something you’re happy about at the moment? A few things. I'm still on that high of my APAP mask working, like I'm actually getting some fucking quality sleep, and I think I'm noticing the effects of my TMS therapy finally, too. My PTSD has most notably been much more bearable, and my interests are beginning to spread again. Do you want someone dead? No. Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? I mean yeah, I think that's pretty normal, even for someone without my issues. Have you ever fed or taken care of a stray animal? Oh, many times. What is something you tend to worry about? My health and future. What is something you do that is unhealthy? Sit at the computer for way too long. I'm absolutely certain my vision is as poor as it is partially because of me endlessly staring at screens. What is something you do that is good for you? I'm not afraid to prioritize my mental health. What last caused you to force a smile? I was watching a Mark video for the first time in a while and was just reminded of how much I love and appreciate that moron. What was the last video game you played? Was it fun? Because you said "video" game, I guess I'll exclude computer ones, in which case I'm pretty sure it was Silent Hill 2. Given it's one of my all-time favorite games, of course I think it's fun. It's one hell of an emotional ride. What is something not many people know about you? The fact I was a dancer for many years would probably surprise people once they have a good idea of me and what I like. What word describes your basic style? Lazy, honestly. I dress for comfort, and given that's usually just pj pants and a tank top... yeah, I don't put much effort into my clothing when I'm going most places. Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? She kinda beat around the bush, but yes. Have you ever wanted to kill yourself? On more than one occasion. If yes, what convinced you not to go through with it? Well, I did OD once, but on the other occasions, it was the fear of the unknown that deterred me. Have you ever rejected a guy, only to have him push the issue by asking “why?” and insisting that you just need to get to know him better? Omg no, thank god. I would NOT handle that well. Is there something that you believe everyone should do and you can’t believe that some people don’t do it (e.g., recycle or go to the dentist regularly)? I didn't know 'til a survey question asked it that there are people who don't brush their tongue when brushing their teeth. Like holy shit dude, there are SO many germs on your tongue, clean that shit. Regarding the last good choice (healthy choice, kind choice, selfless choice, etc.) you made, what was your real motivation behind it? Ummmm the nearest that comes to mind is I guess taking my meds? I mean I do that every single day, but it's still a healthy choice for me. The motivation was because I am very serious about doing what I can for my mental wellbeing. What is something that you have had to practice at to get the hang of it? If you can’t think of anything, that’s okay, what’s something you are currently practicing at and trying to master? I really can't think of something for the first half of the question, but I can tell you that right now I'm attempting to force a routine of applying a therapy technique called "opposite action" into my daily life, where you, well, do the exact opposite of what your depression tells you to not do. It is WAY harder than it sounds, but I'm doing it with reading 30 minutes a day! Have you ever gone to the store to buy something, like a video game, when it came out at midnight? Not to my recollection, no. Regarding the last novel you read, was there a romance included? If so, was it central to the plot? The last novel I finished, yes. It wasn't central to the plot. Have you ever done relaxation meditations or listened to relaxation guides or positive-thinking/healing recordings? No, except in therapy when different therapists wanted me to experiment with it during a session. They just don't work for me. Do you have any interests that are also often shared by children? Yeah. Those are the one I'm especially self-conscious about. there something that could be a solitary activity but you really only like to do it with other people (e.g., watching movies, playing video games, etc.)? Watching movies or TV. Are you satisfied with the interior design or decoration in your home? Or do you think it needs a total home makeover? A makeover would be nice... Is there something that you’d like to own but you can’t find it anywhere? If not, can you a remember a time when you wanted something? Did you ever end up finding it or did you eventually stop wanting it? OKAY SO I actually have seen this custom-made once long after deciding I wanted it, but it was RIDICULOUSLY expensive. There's a location in the Silent Hill games called Heaven's Night, and I'd love love LOVE to commission someone to duplicate the neon pink sign of it to hang in my room. Hopefully one day I could still do it. Who makes you smile the most? Probably my cat, honestly. What piercings do you want/have? I've talked about the piercings I have, but I'll talk about those I want. My #1 is absolutely collarbone dermals, but as I've explained a billion times, I want to lose weight so the bones are more prominent for the sake of contrast; you can't really see my collarbones now, so I just think it'd look pretty dumb and random to just have random piercings somewhere around there with no dimension. I also want way more in my ears, dermals in my back dimples also once I've lost weight, my right nostril for the dozenth time (but this time I'll wear a hoop), and while I'd absolutely adore an undereye microdermal as well, it'd be pointless with glasses. :/ What's your favorite website? KM is my pride and joy and really feels like my online home, so despite using sites like YouTube more, that 'ole RP site has to be my fave. Do you own a fish tank with fish? No. I had fish bowls (AWFUL idea) as a kid, but never tanks Do you like the movie 300? Never seen it. Do you pop your knuckles? NOOOOOOOOOOO. I absolutely hate the sound. It makes me cringe and shiver. Do you have Photoshop? Yes. It comes in the Adobe CC photography bundle I have. Do you use tinypic or photobucket? I used Photobucket back in the day. Now I just upload to imgur. What’s your favourite song from the 1980s? You're talking to someone who adores classic rock/metal, haha. How about the 1990s? There are way too many songs to choose from. Have you won anything recently? No. How often do you make Excel tables? What for? Never. What was the last baby animal you saw in the wild? There was a poor fawn as roadkill on the highway recently. :/ Are you always available or online? Preeeetty much. Do you have dietary restrictions? Or do you just eat what you like? I can eat whatever. Do you prefer gold, silver or steel jewelry? Or no jewelry at all? Steel. I'm allergic to silver, and I think steel is more subtle than gold. Have you been binge-watching any shows lately? If so, what? No. If you dye your hair, do you do it yourself or go to a salon? I do it at a salon. If you have any, do you like your in-laws? I don’t have any. Would it bother you, if your partner had cut contact with their parents? If they had a good reason, no. Have you ever wondered whether you were adopted? As a kid I did because I thought Mom was meaner to me than my siblings, lol. What’s the best physical feeling in the entire universe? ........... This question is a setup lmfao. Have you ever grown a berry bush? No. Have you done something new to your hair recently? No. It's been the same for quite a while. I wanna dye it badly. Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medication for it? I'm diagnosed with generalized and social anxiety, so yeah. I take Klonopin once and day and Ativan as needed for attacks. One thing you’ve experienced that you thought you never would have? HA, the first thing to come to mind was being noticed by Mark by making a viral (in the community, anyway) gif of he and his doggy. I shit you not, I couldn't sleep for three days lmfao. What was the last thing someone said to you that kept repeating over & over in your head? That I gained fucking seven pounds in two months at my last doctor appointment. I wanted to scream. How often do you have late nights out? Never. I'm a homebody. If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? No. It would absolutely make me less productive. If you had the ability to change the weather, what would you change it to right now? Cool with a nice breeze, mostly clear skies, crisp air... That'd be nice right now. Is there something that you really need to do, but can’t seem to get motivated to do it? I say it all the time: finish decorating my room. It's funny, because I KNOW I'll feel more at home and cozy with my bedroom more personalized. Most disturbing movie you have ever seen? Paranormal Entity. The ending was... a lot. Has a life goal or dream ever come true for you yet? If yes, what is it? If no, do you think you’ll achieve it? Not that I can think of. .-. I hope I can achieve some... Have you ever had food poisoning? No, thank God. What are you listening to? "The Man Who Made a Monster" by Dance With the Dead. Do you think there will be a WWIII? I find it inevitable at some point down humanity's future. People are too hateful for it not to eventually. Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? Yeah. Has someone ever liked you that you never thought would? Maybe? Idk. In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Yes, in some instances. Has one of your friend’s boyfriends ever tried to cheat on them with you? Yes, when I was around 12. And I let it happen. It's one of my biggest regrets. Is mental abuse really as bad as physical abuse? Of course it is. Emotional abuse can cut just as deep as some physical blows, or even deeper. Do you shop at Sephora for make-up? No. Zelda: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I'm actually not into TLoZ. Do you own a rosary? I did as a kid growing up in a Catholic Sunday school. If you were homeless, how would you cope? If I had no loved ones in my life and no sign of things getting better, I'm honestly preeetty sure I'd end my life.