#and like not to get too into it but my mental health has not been doing good

[artbymesa]

I was just gonna put this in the tags, but maybe this will help someone else to share my story if anyone else feels less alone. And it got long. I was a valedictorian in highschool. I would not recommend it.

Take it from me-- Do well in school, absolutely. Please try to do well in school. Please. But Do Not let it destroy your mental health the way I let it. I had a very unhealthy relationship with it and tied it to my self worth.

(Story time under read more if it helps anyone)

Oversharing time-- it was my priority in highschool. It was a goal I set for myself to prove I could do it, and if I didn't, I think I saw myself as a failure. This was mostly self imposed, and theres probably a psychological explanation for this I wont get into for the sake of length. But I thought if I could at least do this, I had something on paper that I could point to for myself in a sort of external self validation or worth. "I dont know what metric to gauge myself on, but at least I accomplished this". Call it a method of self soothing, I suppose.

It led to almost daily panic attacks that I could not publically control. The whole nine yards, too. It was exhausting and physically draining. If I were honest with me-- I isolated myself. More human contact, more going out with friends, more of me being the one to make the point of reaching out to other people would have made a world of a healthier difference. My focus might not have been so singular and borderline obsessive because it was the only thing i held onto. It put me in a horrible place mentally, and it has severely affected my adult life. I am still trying to unlearn the "if I mess up learning how to do this on the first try, i am a failure" when its like....just learning how to pipe icing on cupcakes or something. I tied my worth to my ability to learn, and that can become extremely unhealthy in a hurry. Especially when I already had mental health issues that were at odds with learning quickly-- like panic attacks that come on fast and wipe my memory and ability to think clearly. Its like I chose the hardest thing for my brain to do, and that was the metric I weighed my self worth on.

What I told myself at the time was some variation of "if I do this, i'll have the best chance at financial support or a full ride for college." That doing this means I will become self sufficient.

That's not how it works, and thats not how it worked.

I got a $1k grant, which was nice, but nowhere near the full ride or anything close to the "heavens of opportunity rain down upon me" sort of thing I had hoped for in my head.

Valedictorians make for good metrics for the school. Attendance records make for good records for the school. Not in any way saying kids SHOULDN'T try to do well in school (please for the love of god, we need every scrap of education we can get in this country), but please find a healthy medium too.

Doing well enough in school and not letting it destroy your mental health do not have to be mutually exclusive. A 3.5 is probably good enough. That was the cut off for one of my bigger transfer scholarships later down the road, transfering from one college to another. Nowhere did I have to continue maintaining a 4.0.

Besides. I didnt get a 4.0 by retaining functional information. I got it by gaming the system of how testing worked.

The example I use is a very dry history class in college I had. Our final exam was the culmination of all of our final tests. Same questions, same answers. I did not remember the content. I did not learn anything. What I did? I remembered the first three words of the question and the first three words of the answer, and remembered them by association. And then I forgot it all within the hour.

In the meantime, foster your friendships. Good friendships. This can create business connections in the future. Kindness and community will get the majority of people further in life than being any kind of top of your class, I promise you.

But most of all, be kind to yourself and treat yourself gently.

are you or have you ever been a straight-A student?

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

I've been thinking a lot today about how easily people condemn Solas for making the choices he did or for so regularly refusing the help and love his friends or a romanced Lavellan extended to him and how that's a very easy thing to do from behind a screen in a fictional game where you are able to (with very few exceptions) curate a world in which your allies are loyal and your decisions will go the way you'd like them to.

And yeah, it's a game and that's kind of the point, but if I were to look at it a little more deeply (and who am I kidding, I got back on this website exclusively to process the aftermath of Veilguard) I'd say that there's so much to be found in wondering if the protagonists in any of the other games would have fared better in similar conditions.

Apparently I can't stop making long posts, so buckle in.

What would Morrigan have become in a world where the Warden never stumbled upon her cottage with Flemeth, if she never got the chance to see more of the world and decide what she wanted out of it? With just her mother (who, coincidentally in this Solas-y discussion is also kind of Mythal) and no support, who is to say what she would have unleashed upon the Korcari Wilds one day when the confines of her cage became too much?

What about Leliana? She, too, suffered at the hands of a very controlling abuser who tried to convince her that one lifestyle was all that her future held. What do we think she would have become if not for a chance meeting in Lothering with someone who could help her face down the woman that molded her?

Fenris, a character MANY people are just fine with was incredibly ready to kill a mage on sight if need be, no questions asked. Where do we think his story goes if he doesn't have someone in his corner early on enough in the game? If he doesn't get caught by Danarius, he's almost certainly going to end up on a murder spree, and he doesn't even have Justice whispering in his head to do it.

Cullen. Just all of him. It's an absolute miracle he hasn't snapped by the time you encounter him in Inquistion, and even then you get the benefit of intervening at a critical point in his story several times over.

Almost every other character could face this analysis and I think we'd reach a result that suggests perhaps the only thing keeping them lovable is your playable character's investment in their well-being.

Enter Solas. We don't meet him when he's twenty to thirty something and on the precipice of falling down a dark path. He's been there for literal millennia already, and with the exception of one close friend he's been alone. And not even Felassan is enough because of the years Mythal had prior to that friendship to make Solas exactly who she needed him to be.

I've had shit friends before that aren't just good at isolating people, they're naturals. I barely made it through high school with my mental health in place (in fact, looking back, it almost certainly wasn't). When you think you've got a true friend and they need something of you, it's so easy to blindly follow them because you think your love is enough to mark someone's soul as trustworthy. Solas doesn't learn that lesson until it's too late, and even when he does he can't turn back: the spirit that was once Wisdom has been exposed to several of the worst ancient elves to ever exist and now he has to stand his ground rather than let it all fall, because that is what Pride would dictate. Admitting that the person you gave your love and labor and time to is a monster is hard. And he was alone.

Give me Morrigan after centuries with her mother. Show me Leliana after the years have become a blur and the only voice whispering in her ear is Marjolaine's. Show me the innocent mages that don't make it through if all Fenris has for years and years and years are the scars Danaris left him and the means to make more. Show me Cullen if he stays in a chain of command under a Knight Commander who knows exactly what he fears and holds it over his head for so long he forgets what it was like to be an excited kid begging the templars for training because he just wants to keep people safe.

We get companions in these games who are broken by the time they're twenty. Solas has spent thousands of years in servitude to a cause of a woman he believed to be his only friend. He doesn't know who he is without her influence, anymore, only exists physically in the first place because she asked it of him and then asked again and again and again. He doesn't have a witty band of merry fools to pull him out of that cycle. He has Felassan, but he has him during war after war after war in the hopes of freeing others from the very situation that torments him.

Trauma from war affects everyone touched by it, nevermind the fact that Solas is actively responsible for saving the lives of thousands and feels each life like a weight around his neck because maybe he can save them like he cannot save himself. We should always be worried about the people trying to do the most good. Who is looking out for them? Why are they so determined to help others? Could it be that it's something they wish others had done for them?

Solas certainly feels comradery with Felassan from working together to free slaves from the very people he helped put in power because Mythal told him it would be okay only to leave him with the pieces, but even the Solas that Felassan knows has been turned into an attack dog shying away from the touch of the very person it desires to be near above all others by the time their relationship forms.

The fact that Solas is able to try and show the Inquisitor who he is at all is a miracle as far as I'm concerned, a sign of a peaceful spirit of Wisdom who loves knowledge for the sake of it finally sensing that there might be a chance to embrace its nature again.

Yeah, if you give him what he has come to expect from people with power, if you let near-absolute power over the masses corrupt you, he's going to bristle and try to shut your inquisitor down.

But if you show him even the smallest bit of kindness? If you treat him like the starving wolf he talks about and feed him instead of fighting him? God, it shatters his entire existence.

It's called a cycle of abuse for a reason. Finding friendship, finding the love of your long-ass life can be the first step in realizing there's better out there. But the time it takes to learn that? When you're too weary to even reach out for help in the first place and afraid of every kind word or gesture because you've never known such tenderness (on a platonic OR romantic level, both matter so so much) before?

Part of the compelling tragedy of Solas is that it's almost Orpheus-like how he knows what he has been made into and still cannot stop himself from yearning for more, from turning around to see if just this once something has changed. You can't convince me that he hasn't spent years hoping that someone will hear the legend of the Dread Wolf and see it for what it is, a leash the Evanuris created for Mythal's whipping boy to ensure that even if he ever escapes them, the people he fought to save will hate him. And I cannot blame him for the shock and terror that consumes him when he realizes someone finally has.

You give me any of dragon age companions after the amount of time Solas spent under Mythal's thumb without your character's intervention and you tell me how that looks.

You tell me if they're able to change at the first sign of something that feels too good to be true.

And then, I want you to tell me they're any less worthy of trying to save, especially when you know how good their best can be.

Solas might be hard for some fans to love, but it's only because he serves as the perfect representation of the beast we are all capable of becoming when the love that sustains us, assuming we receive any at all, is laced with poison.

The journey out of that place, out of a literal prison of regret, is brutal, and I'm thrilled that even with the many things about Veilguard I'm still struggling with, we have the chance to let Solas try again with the help of those who love him not because he never fell down, but because they believe in the beauty of a future where he gets back up again.

[captain039]

PART 2 Heal your hurt

Viktor x reader

Warnings: Hurt/comfort, angst, health issues, mental health issues, light swearing, chubby reader, intimacy, smut, friends to lovers, reader has chronic pain

Previous part <-

“Would you like to come to the lab with me?” The questioned stunned you into last week. You’d been staring at the wall while pouring milk into your cereal lost in thought till Viktors words reached your ears.

“What?” You heard him clearly but your mind doesn’t process it, but he repeats the question all the same.

“Would you like to see the lab?” He rephrases.

“Lab- your lab?” You ask turning to him breakfast forgetting.

“Unless there is another lab then yes my lab” he teases gently but you’re too baffled by the question.

“Lab, right” you mutter.

“Yes- sorry, uh clothes, shoes” you whiz back into your room and change quickly, getting your clothes on in a rush and your shoes breakfast forgotten.

“I’m ready” you smile as Viktor holds the bowl of cereal up to you quirking a small eyebrow. You huff and eat quickly before you go with him to the lab. He’s a man of few words but you’re excited to see his lab even though you’ll have no clue on what’s going on in there it feels like a privilege. When you enter it isn’t what you expected, maybe some microscopes, boilers, those glass jars you can never remember the name of. There’s notes everywhere scattered and stacked, tech and gear over the place a big chalk board with what you assume are equations.

“Morning Viktor” Jayce says back to you both as he leans over the desk.

“Morning Jayce” Viktor says back and walks in you stand by the door a bit unsure till Viktor turns to you and cocks his head for you to follow. He lays down his books and you follow making Jayce turn around at your footsteps. He smiles brightly surprised to see you as he greets you.

“Morning” you say back to him shuffling over to Viktors desk. You don’t want to touch anything half afraid too.

“Come to see where all the brain power flows?” Jayce chuckles leaning against the table arms over his chest casually.

“I don’t know what any of this means” you comment staring at the chalk board.

“Good thing we’re the scientists then” Viktor comments with light sarcasticness that makes you smile. You hang out for a bit asking questions Jayce mainly answers even though you don’t understand half the answers, by lunch Jayce has gone for a food run and you’re nothing the ache in your legs grow worse the longer you stand.

“You can sit” Viktor says tugging the chair beside him out a bit. You sigh in relief mentally and sit down legs relieving.

“You are in pain?” Viktor frowns as he looks to you noticing how you stiffly move your legs and wince.

“It’s fine” you brush off with a small shrug as Jayce comes back with food and drinks. You don’t miss the frown and studying gaze Viktor gives you and it makes you tense so you hide your pain more than before. You eat chatting to Jayce with Viktors imput occasionally before Jayce is pulled away to the council.

“Still can’t believe he’s on the high council” you comment in the quiet room.

“He is a brilliant man” Viktor says and you smile and nod shifting in your seat again to ease the ache in your hips.

“You are still in pain” Viktor comments not even looking at you, like he just knows.

“It’s fine Vik really” you sigh.

“You never call me Vik” he says and you tense a bit, no, no you do not.

“Sorry” you mutter.

“And it is not fine” he turns his chair to face yours his gaze studying like he can see straight through you.

“I know what it is like to hide pain in plain sight” he says and you sadden at the words.

“I’m fine really just slept funny is all” you shrug.

“Give me your leg” he says and you frown at him as he gestures to your left leg.

“I- what-? Ok?” You stutter lifting your leg to his hand. He lifts it into his lap with surprising strength lying your calf across his thighs.

“Viktor i don’t want to hurt you” you say trying to pull your leg back.

“You are not hurting me” he says calmly, gentle hands moving over your calf muscle. You frown a bit but watch as he gently prods against the muscle, your knee and ankle listening to when you hiss or feeling when you tense.

“Up your whole leg?” He asks and you nod a bit flushing when his hands move to your thigh.

“Ah-“ you make a surprised noise recoiling a bit forcing your leg off his lap. Your cheeks a bright red and you’re holding your breath.

“Did I hurt you too much?” He asks frowning with worry and you shake your head still hot.

“I’m fine” you shake your head again. Jayce returns breaking the moment and you’re thankful for the distraction and interruption.

You leave around the afternoon sitting and standing too much. You lie down on your stomach facing the wall as you sigh. You hear the door open and close with a small click of the lock, he’s home early. You hear a call of your name and wonder if you can play it off being asleep but sigh.

“In here” you call and hear the shuffle of feet and soft thump of his cane.

“Did I wake you?” He asks softly and you shake your head.

“No I wasn’t asleep” you answer as he shuffles over and sits on the edge of the bed.

“I realise my actions today were too…personal, I wanted to apologise” he says voice quiet and you feel yourself growing hot again, burying your face into the pillow instead so he doesn’t see your red cheeks.

“It’s fine” you say mumbled into the pillow.

“I noticed your joints are inflamed” he says softly and you sigh and nod.

“This is not news to you” he comments and you shake your head.

“Like you said. Hiding pain in plain sight” you whisper your shoulders sagging as you move your head to the side to breathe again.

“How long?” He asks.

“Five years, they didn’t catch it till I was an adult. Blaming it on growing pains” you mutter softly in explanation. You don’t want to lie to him but you feel guilty for telling him.

“It doesn’t matter now, it’s done, it is what it is” you sit up and sigh cursing the way your hips ache and flare shooting down your legs.

“Thank you for bringing me to your lab today even if I didn’t understand any of it” you chuckle changing the conversation. Viktor sighs but follows with a nod.

“You are welcome” he says quietly.

You don’t sleep that night the throbbing pain in your legs too much, you think about running a hot bath with some salts and oils, you’ve taken about four pain killers now and nothing. You’ve shifted to the couch using the arm rest to elevate your legs a bit jolting when you realise Viktor is still awake.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Viktors soft voice says and you nod.

“Why’re you still up?” You ask watching him wash a dirty mug.

“Work” he says.

“Still in pain?” He asks noticing your position and you brush him off with a shrug. You’ve put walls up, being vulnerable in that way around him feels, wrong, there is nothing wrong physically to look at with your body, not like his, his leg brace, the cane, the back brace he also wears, not that it makes him wrong.

“I know I pushed before too far without asking but…” he walks over to the couch where you lay.

“May I try again?” He nods to your legs you sigh feeling tense as it is.

“I know they’re inflamed Viktor” you don’t mean to snap you really don’t but you’re exhausted, it’s almost 2 am and you’ve gotten no sleep and going out today ruined you and your body’s flared in pain.

“No, not to prod, soothe” he says and you frown soothe how?

“May I?” He nods again and you sigh but move your legs so he can sit down before you awkwardly rest your legs back on his lap again. You feel like you’ll squish him, your size compared to his, you’ve always been a bigger woman, but with Viktor you’re afraid to crush him.

“You’re very tense” he whispers his hands smooth as he gently begins to massage your right calf closest to his stomach, that’s what he meant by soothe, you thought he’d warm them up or something this didn’t cross your mind. Science he’s good at that. Gentle hands with light pressure easing out the inflamed muscles and joints. You’re embarrassed by your prickly leg hair but he doesn’t comment or seem to mind as he runs his hands gently over your calves. He massages around your ankles before going to your knees eyes flicking to you.

“Can I go higher?” He asks and you flush but nod sinking a little deeper into the couch as his hands go to your thighs and gently knead the muscles. You’re wearing pyjama shorts which might as well be underwear with how short they are but it gives him access to your whole and you’re sighing, eyes slipping closed at the feeling of his now warm hands gently kneading your flesh. If he could do this everyday you may marry the man even if he said no you’d still marry him. Your pain doesn’t fully leave but your muscles are relaxed for once without help of medication and Viktor’s hands are warm and slightly rough. You’re in some sort of trance heart beating evenly, breathing evening out, he slows hands resting on your shins.

“You should go to bed, this couch is not good to sleep on” he says voice a little rougher than normal and you have to stop yourself jolting out of the trance you’re in.

“Does it feel better?” He asks looking to you in a small glance and you nod flushing as you sit up.

“Thank you” you mutter embarrassed and get off the couch easier and shuffle to your room.

“Goodnight” you say and close your door before falling on your bed.

“Goodnight… Love” Viktor whispers to himself.

Next part ->

[johnnysuhbmarine]

Knowing a change of scenery was what your mental health needed, you transferred to where your brother, Mark, goes to college. The good news is, he’s not too cool for his younger sister, so he lets you join his friend group immediately. The bad news is, Haechan is in that friend group, and a brief encounter four years ago was enough for you to understand he does NOT like you. Even worse news, he’s a lot hotter than he was four years ago…

Chapter Sixteen: smol bear - six images, 1.9k words - heads up, this has about the same vibe as last chapter

As soon as you opened the door to Haechan, you were ready to fall into his embrace, already having worn yourself out from crying prior to his arrival.

However, what you’re met with is a pint of Ben & Jerry’s The Tonight Dough extended out for you to take, and you flick your gaze up to Haechan in question. “You had enough time to run to the store in the past five minutes?” You ask with a laugh of disbelief, wiping away at the stray tears running down your face, his presence alone enough to start calming you down a bit.

Haechan uses his hand that's not holding the ice cream to scratch at the back of his neck in embarrassment. “No, I just- I keep a pint of it in my freezer in case you’re ever over and...want some, and I figured you’d probably uh- want some now.”

That was all it took before sobs immediately wrack your body again and Haechan just sighs, moving slightly to place down the pint of ice cream before coming back to wrap you in a bear hug. You can hardly think to be embarrassed about your tears staining his shirt, but you knew he would have been adamant that it didn’t matter in the slightest.

Slowly, he brings a hand up to run over the back of your head and through your hair. “What’s that silly brain of yours up to?” He whispers, and you shake your head against his chest.

“Currently? Telling me that I don’t deserve you,” you answer, rendering Haechan still for a moment.

“I can assure you, that’s a lie,” he responds seriously. You let out a heavy sigh against his body before speaking again, trying to ignore how your voice was cracking.

“I don’t like myself very much right now,” you sniffle in his hold, and Haechan is baffled that you couldn’t hear his heart breaking in his chest, though he figures he should be grateful for that. He takes care in maneuvering the two of you so that he could rest his forehead against yours for a moment, his thumb now gliding softly across your cheek.

“Don’t worry. I like you enough for the both of us tonight,” he says gently, and your grip around him tightens as you hide your head back in his chest to try and stifle more sobs. He runs a hand up and down your back in the meantime. “Thank you for texting me,” he continues, and you shake your head against his chest.

“I needed you,” you manage to say through a whimper, forcing Haechan to take a deep breath before tears could end up sliding down his face, as well.

“I’m always gonna be here,” he responds, and you knew he meant it with every fiber of his being - you could feel it.

When the two of you finally broke from the hug, Haechan immediately turned your attention to various board games and movies. Eventually, this led to the two of you laying down on top of your, much more comfortable, couch; with you almost entirely on top of Haechan as his arms wrapped around you loosely.

You were half-way through his comfort movie (the two of you already rewatched The Aristocats while playing board games) when he softly spoke up for the first time since it started.

“You can talk to me about it, you know? I told you your heavy feelings aren’t gonna scare me away, and just taking your mind off of it isn’t going to work forever.” His head is still turned to face the TV as he spoke, and you know it’s an attempt to make it feel more casual - less threatening of a topic.

You hold your breath for a moment before letting out a light sigh, giving in. “You’re not gonna get it, though. I feel like no one gets it. Sure, meeting you guys has been the biggest blessing and my mental health is honestly miles ahead of where it was…though that’s probably hard to believe given the situation. But- you guys always want to hang out with me, and my SM friends did, too, but I don’t get it. Half the time I just want to lay in bed and do nothing, and it’s like you guys know that and purposely don’t let me. I don’t know why you guys don’t let me. I don’t want to eat or see the sunlight all the time. I'm doing better but sometimes I just want to be here, and everyone acts as though it's the end of the world.”

Haechan takes a sharp inhale as his hands cease rubbing circles across your back and you’re terrified you messed up telling him all of that, figuring it paints you as ungrateful for your friends - a classification that he himself fell under, and now you’re worried you upset him. Though, moving your head up to look at him, you catch as he licks his lips in contemplation before pulling his gaze away from the TV and towards you, raising his eyebrows as he asks a question. “Do you step on flowers when you see them blooming?”

You look at him quizzically as you respond with a faint, confused ‘no.’ Haechan lets the softest of smiles cross his face as he shakes his head to emphasize your negative response, continuing to his point as he does so.

“We all try our best to take care of beautiful things, y/n. And even if you don’t see how your actions, or lack thereof, equate to you not taking care of yourself, think about the five year old who tramples over flowers without realizing any harm was done…but the rest of us know. The rest of us grieve. So, we’re all just trying our best to take care of you - before your mental health starts affecting your physical health and you have to stay in bed all day. I mean, I take you out to lunch all the time and I know you don’t want to eat, I know. But what you don’t know is that you eat a little bit more off your plate every single time. So, I never stop inviting you out, cause when I take care of you, you take care of yourself, too. The same thing when Jeno and Jaemin go exploring with you. It’s a huge part of why you’re miles ahead of where you were mentally. You’ve gotten stronger, you just don’t know it. So yeah, we like hanging out with you all the time - cause every time we do, we see you healing, and it gives us the chance to take care of you and fill all the gaps in between.”

If the two of you were breathing once he got done talking, you wouldn’t have been able to tell. The only sound breaking the silence was from the movie. You and Haechan seemed instead to be frozen in time. You watch as he takes a moment to study your figure, opening and closing his mouth a few times, apparently not satisfied with leaving off how he did.

He dodges eye contact now as he begins his next spiel, but his words come out slower, even more decided, than they previously were. “And if it’s the ‘beautiful’ part you’re having a hard time wrapping your head around…well, I’d tell you to think of art museums. Not everyone gets it, but there’s a reason for every piece that’s on display. Someone’s found it beautiful…even those weird modern art pieces that no one seems to get because they’re just red squares half the time. But you? If you feel like a red square painted on a canvas, just know that I get it - it was never even a question. I know you’re beautiful,” he says, moving a hand to gently tuck a piece of hair behind your ear so he could make unobstructed eye contact with you.

You don’t say anything back in reply. You can’t. Instead, you lay your head back on his chest to face the TV, squeezing your eyes shut, though it doesn’t do anything to stop the small shakes of your body with each soft sob that picked back up at his words. Haechan never said anything else, just holding you tightly to him as he resumed tracing shapes over your back until you fell asleep in his arms.

When you woke up the next morning in bed, what you weren’t expecting was to walk out to the living area and see Haechan standing in the kitchen.

At the sound of your footsteps, he turns to face you with a smile. “Hey, do you want coffee?” He asks casually, as if it were his own place and you were the guest.

You can’t stop the small laugh from leaving your system. “What are you doing here?” You ask playfully, and Haechan just shrugs as if nothing were off.

“Well, you fell asleep on me last night, so I carried you to bed and tucked you in and all that cause I figured your bed is more comfortable, but I didn’t want to just- leave you…in case you woke back up and needed me. So, I slept on the couch; unless you think that's weird!! In which case, I went home last night after getting you to bed, then came back here about ten minutes ago to make you coffee...and your friendly poltergeist roommate let me in.” He states plainly, and a fond smile paints its way across your lips as you stare at his figure, currently turned away from you as he resumed his task of making coffee.

“Thank you,” you reply seriously, and Haechan figures it was for the best that he wasn’t facing you anymore because just your 'thanks' had sent blush across his cheeks.

He shakes his head. “It’s nothing,” he answers, finally turning towards you again once the warmth in his cheeks dies down. “Do you wanna hang out today, too? Or are you about to kick me out of your kitchen?” He asks with a bashful smile and embarrassed laugh.

You shake your head and let your eyes roll playfully. “Well, you’re already here…we might as well hang out.”

Haechan lets a grin cross his face but he shakes his head at you. “Oh, no, I’m getting you out of here today; making you take a break from the confines of this place," he states with a lilt of seriousness.

You let out a sigh, though you knew arguing would be futile. “Well, I’m sorry to report that it’s a little early for lunch,” you joke, and Haechan rolls his eyes before answering with a cup of coffee extended out for you to take.

“I didn’t ask to go out for lunch, I asked to hang out. I’m ready for whatever it is you want to do, just let me know,” he says firmly, clinking your coffee mugs together in a mock 'cheers' before taking a sip through the stupid grin he currently bore on his face.

You roll your eyes in an attempt to negate the smile on your own lips. “Let me go get ready,” you say, but before you can take two steps back toward your bedroom, Haechan catches your wrist in his hand, forcing you to turn his way again in an instant.

“We have all day. Just stand in this kitchen and drink coffee with me for a bit first,” he pleads softly. That was all it took for you to move the mug up to your lips, laughing at the man in front of you who was now incredibly too invested in whether or not you liked your coffee.

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a/n: sorry about this being posted slightly off schedule hours-wise…I was busy being thankful for my family (and I still don’t trust scheduled posts) but I’m also very thankful for all of you! I hope you enjoy this chapter and the holiday season :))

a/n (x2): you guys would not BELIEVE how long it takes for them to get together after this...

Taglist: @fullsunstrawberry @choizzn @raevyng @dudekiss3r @yewshi @artsenthusiastk77 @injunnie-lemon @markeroolee @chan-yeoldelling @sunflowerhae @mystverse @urlovelily @luvandletter @jeonghansshitester @dinonuguaegi @untilthesunrises @clean-soap @andassortedkpop @dlin3 @roseangelxfuma @gomdoleemyson @simmsunshine @swanyvess @awktwurtle @t-102 @kukkurookkoo @haefelt

@hahaechans @ypoom151999 @goldenclosethobi

[arttsuka]

Ok here are my thoughts about arcane season 2, buckle up

I wana say, I liked the second season, less about what we saw, more about the story they wanted to tell.

It started fine but as soon as episode 4 came the problem was clear. The pacing was bad. Everything was happening too fast, there was no time for smaller moments. A lot of character development was off screen too.

I've heard they were supposed to have more seasons but decided last minute to cut the show short because 'there are more stories to be told'.

Caitlyn had most of her arc off screen which is such a shame, I really wanted to see how she realized she was being manipulated, I wanted to see her dictatorship era. But we got none of that, it's implied it happened but we didn't get to see it.

Sevika was relevant up until ep4 and then we see her again in ep8. I don't think she has any speaking lines after ep4. Such a waste of her character, she was really interesting.

Isha. She came to the series as suddenly as she left. I have a lot of problems with her character, one of them being that she wasn't introduced organically. She randomly fell on Jinx (by accident). Arcane relies way too much on 'right place right time', on coincidences so, when that can be avoided, it definitely should. Make her fall on top of the first person that passed through on purpose so she won't get hurt (that person being Jinx is the only coincidence here). Her sacrifice felt a bit unearned because we didn't get to see her a lot, and after ep6, they never speak of her again (it affected Jinx sure but they don't even mention her once).

Mel. They did her dirty this season. They speedruned her arc (and the whole thing felt so out of place). I've heard that maybe the next show was going to be focused on Noxus etc which, if it turns out to be true, would be a bad decision. If they are actually planning on making something about Noxus, I'd at least expect Ambessa to be there and also, it would be a great opportunity to learn about Mel and her powers in greater detail instead of whatever we got.

Viktor as the herald, ultimate life form or whatever was so short lived. Make you wonder why they decided to include it only in the last episode instead of implementing a bit earlier.

Vi was also so, useless this season. She did almost nothing. She was a punching bag for the most of it.

Jinx felt a bit ooc, less about what she was doing and more about how there wasn't any time to see her get over Silco's death. Silco had such a negative effect on her mental health (all these hallucinations from s01) but he dies and boom, mentally stable? I would have liked to see her become healthier (it would also tie nicely with getting to know Isha better).

Vander. They brought him back. It was actually foreshadowed in the first season. Him being back is not my problem, on the contrary I think it was a great way to naturally bring Vi and Jinx back together. My problem was how we see him for 2 episodes (and then he 'dies'). It felt like a waste of time honestly, time that could have been used to see something else.

Episode 6 has to be the worst episode of the whole show. The pacing is pretty bad. The events that take place in it feel like 3 episodes, not 1. We get not 1 but 2 different artstyle montages, making the episode look, weird...

The best episodes were probably ep03 and ep07. Both had nice pacing (especially ep07, it felt like it was straight out of s01) and the story explored in them was pretty captivating. But I do have a problem with ep07. It's where Ekko got his 'time powers' from and honestly, they were pretty underwhelming? Also not at all well implemented to the story. We literally see him use them 3 times. 1: when he finds out about them, 2: when he saves Jinx and 3: when he goes back to try not to get captured by Viktor's mannequins. The last 2 on the same episode. That 4-second-limit was never really relevant (at least I don't think it's was). They wasted an entire episode giving him powers only for him to never really use them and for the machine to act as a bomb.

Also I didn't like the dancing scene with Powder and Ekko. I understand the vision behind it but I felt like my TV was dropping frames. It felt choppy, cheap (such a shame for a beautiful scene).

Now, I liked the lesbian sex scene in ep8, I really did, but it felt so out of place. Jinx basically implied she was going to kill herself, Vi was on the verge of tears because she was insecure about how she seemed to only make the wrong choices and then, that scene happens. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I've seen people compare it to the s01 'Jayce/Mel vs Viktor dying' scene and while I understand where the comparison is coming from it's definitely not the same. In that scene, Jayce didn't know Viktor was dying (he knew about his deteriorating health, but he was clearly shocked and left Mel to go check out on him etc etc).

Also, Caitlyn should have gone down on Vi. I think they image would have been stronger. Vi was at the bottom of the barrel her entire life (literal plot point, being from the undercity etc) so seeing Caitlyn, someone of higher status and power, being the one to 'bow' would just be more powerful. Just a thought.

I just feel like I liked their relationship and dynamics more in s01. They had more casual moments, more natural dialogue. Yes we won but at what cost? Their relationship was so sweet in s01. In s02 it started sweet, turned out to be manipulative on Caitlyns side*, they break up and then they're fine again.

*in ep3 it's clearly shown that while Caitlyn loves Vi she's willing to manipulate her to reach her own goals. That first kiss we see was definitely more of a 'I'm gonna play with your emotions so you don't doubt me' rather than 'let's just kiss now'.

I liked how Jinx cut her hair. The whole 'hair holds memories' and how she was ready to move on. Too sad that scene didn't have the proper gravity it deserved because the lesbian sex was happening (probably) the same time.

Ep9 was, something. I'm conflicted about it. On one hand I really liked how they tied up Viktor's and Jayce's plot lines, on the other hand everything else was so rushed. Caitlyn and Mel were a team (they didn't feel like one honestly), they fought Ambessa and then she randomly died from the black rose. It felt like they just wanted an excuse to kill her. 'She needed to die so Mel could become the wolf' no, not really. She could still be alive, have Mel 'spare her life' or something. It would be more on track with Mel's ideals that way.

Jinx sacrificing herself to save Vi was also so forced**. It felt specifically written so she could 'die'. I do believe that 'Jinx is alive' theory because Caitlyn looking at the vents while holding that monkey head Jinx's bomb had + that air balloon Powder said she'd fly away with are all too specific to be coincidences.

**her sacrifice was forced but foreshadowed. Isha was acting as an 'archetype' of what Jinx had to become. Her whole existence in the show was so Jinx could become an icon for Zauns revolution and for her to sacrifice herself so Jinx could see and do the same, break the cycle.

What really bothered me was how Jayce and Viktor seemed to be the only characters who had a complete story, everyone else had a lot missing scenes (they did too but way less, there never was a point where I thought 'where does this come from?', everythingwas explained about them. I wish I could say the same about the 'arcane', magic). It's so unfair, on the female lead show about 2 sisters for the male characters to be the final focus. Also another thing that bothered me how they did a seemingly better job at writing Ekko/Powder, the straight ship we got to see for 1 episode on a different timeline, rather that Vi/Caitlyn, the lesbian ship AND main focus since they're both main characters from the timeline were following.

Something else, I feel like the score for s01 was better/more memorable than s02. Sure s02 has some pretty good songs but s01 felt more diverse on that? Maybe that's just me.

Kinda lazy how they used the same song for the opening credits while using visuals way too similar (if not the same) to the artstyle of the show. Although, truth to be told, the s01 opening was way too good for any standards, it would be very hard if not impossible to make something better. Still, I feel like they could have done a better job.

Also maybe that's just me but there were a lot of predicable moments. Sometimes a scene would start playing and I'd know exactly where it was going (something I can't say for season 1).

I really liked in s01 how in each episode, before the opening, we got to see some glimpses from the past of each character. It was a great way not to have too many random flashbacks and include these scenes organically in each episode. In season 2 we don't get that. I understand that we already know these characters but it's still something I adored from s01.

What made s01 so appealing was how they handled the story, didn't rush things. How they took their time to make us understand and like the characters. With s02 we didn't get that luxury.

Season 1 was a masterpiece and unfortunately, season 2 didn't meet the expectations.

I still enjoyed watching it but it was definitely not as good as the experience of watching s01.

[xclowniex]

i’m american and our country doesn’t have a good track record when it comes to indigenous rights, but i’m very curious as to how new zealand approaches indigenous rights differently. one of my friends grew up in new zealand but she has american parents and moved back here for college, and she performed the haka for me one time because i was curious about it. in the states, this would be considered cultural appropriation (and rightfully so), but is it alright to do in new zealand? she told me that haka is taught in new zealand preschools to both maori and non-maori, and this is very interesting that new zealand does this because in america there’s barely any recognition of indigenous people. is maori culture more prevalent in mainstream (white? mainstream may be the wrong word to use here) culture?

In terms of a non Māori person doing the haka being cultural appropriation or not, it really depends on the situation.

If the person is doing it to make fun of it, then it is bad and disrespectful.

If a person is part of a haka group or representing the country then it's not cultural appropriation whatsoever. The all blacks do a haka before every match and not all of the players are Māori and there are pakeha (white people) who are part of top haka groups who perform it.

We do learn it in most schools. I learnt it as a kid. The reason for it is because it's one of the easiest things to do to introduce children to Māori culture. You also learn and use some te reo Māori in school too. Most basic instructions like listen, stand up, sit down, etc and greetings like good morning, hello, etc were said in te reo Māori more than English where I went to primary school.

I would say no, that it wasn't cultural appropriation for her to do it to show you. If she acted like an expert on Haka or Māori culture, then yes. But if she simply did it to show you it, then no as long as it wasn't one which is reserved only for those of a specific iwi (tribe) to do.

Excusing the Act Party cause of their current BS, the general attitude in New Zealand surrounding Māori culture is that we try to integrate it into our life and county's culture whilst still reserving certain cultural things for only Māori to do.

For example, Māori funeral rites should only be lead by Māori. But everyone is encouraged to learn some of the language and culture.

My favorite thing from Māori culture that I find really useful is Te whare tapa whā wellbeing model

Essentially if one of the walls of your house isn't sturdy, the whole house isn't sturdy, and you should strengthen the wall.

It's been really helpful for me in managing my mental health without medication as the various meds I've been prescribed in the past have too many negative side effects.

I wouldn't say that Māori culture is equal in the mainstream to the same level that pakeha culture is, but it is definitely more mainstream than native amercian culture is in the states and Canada.

There is a government funded Māori channel, Māori are included in most NZ shows.

There is still a long way to go in terms of Māori culture being the norm as well as representation, but it is better that the states.

I guess the only way for you to get an accurate idea is to watch some NZ shows.

I reccomend wellington paranormal as it is super funny. There is also Shortland street if you want to watch a mind numbing, should have ended a decade ago, hospital drama.

[h-didanart]

^w^

Let’s get to it shall we?

So, I have studied the drawing for a bit and ended up coming up with around six relevant things that are probably symbolism

First is the mirror- it is cracked though it mostly is intact, the cracks all originate from the same point in LBM’s reflection: their eye. Mirrors tend to be good for identity symbolism, showing a character’s reflection and all, so thinking about it like that and seeing the state this mirror is at we could come to the conclusion that it probably means LBM has identity issues. This will come back later

Next is the fact LBM is making a gesture of shooting herself, which kinda makes me concerned for his mental health tbh. I see this as potentially symbolizing LBM not liking themselves or at least holding some sort of grudge towards himself. Or maybe it’s meant to be like the past them is dead or something, idk

Next is the fact the mirror is cracked over the eye it never opens, which I’m starting to think is actually missing. Now, I don’t know how you differentiate your Bloodmoons but I have seen others and myself use the ‘two eyes-two twins’ method, so like one twin has one eye and the other the other, and if you do this as well then the implication here is that one of the twins is dead. Which I think is true actually because of the drawing you dropped when I asked you for lore the other day (which I saw but forgot to reblog :()

Next is something I’m not too confident on and am purely adding ‘cuz I think it’s funny. So the yellow stains yes? They seem to be magic of some sort, though their most notable feature is that they’re yellow, and according to the Bibble yellow is the color of betrayal. And deceit and illness in the negative side too I guess. Feel free to disregard this one :P

Next I want to turn to the background on the reflection. It’s all destroyed and there’s magic flying and stuff, which probably means LBM is in a really dilapidated place, or she lost her temper, or I’m overthinking, idk I’m not good at catching thematic symbolism

Next let’s look at the Lord’s expression. Vacant. Empty. I’d say maybe even melancholic. This just strengthens my conviction of one of the twins being dead y’know?

And finally, what I asked about before, the flowers. Red Anemone Flowers have a plethora of meanings, as is standard for a lot of flowers, and thanks to your answer from a bit ago I could narrow the potential meaning a bit. First the slightly more unlikely one, emotional attachment and fragility, two of the Anemone’s meanings in Japan, tied to what we saw before and the fact a mirror— aka a very fragile thing —is in the scene we could get a somewhat emotional view at LBM’s state, seemingly missing someone who they cared for deeply. Then we have one I’m almost 100% certain you intended for, death and loss of a loved one, it just fits so well with everything else, LBM, the bloody god, thinking back on his past and mourning the (potential) loss of their twin, holding resentment towards themselves for it and the environment showing that. And lastly the thing you 100% intended for, the blood of Christ, I mean, I mean, c’mon almost all the art you’ve made for this guy has heavy religious tones, why wouldn’t you use the flower that represents The Christ’s death?

So, putting this all together, I think I can string together the lore that’s being implied here:

Lord Bloodmoon’s twin is dead, they might’ve died on their own terms or the Lord might’ve been involved someway, who knows, what matters is they are dead. And Lord BM, not being very fond of emotions but anger, doesn’t tend to show how much it affects him, mostly turning all the emotions into itself, maybe even having the feelings grow into self loathing stemming from guilt? It affects her, badly.

So yeah that’s my reading

I Am so sorry if I got it all wrong :(

Tbh I’m not very good at symbolism; foreshadowing and implications of the past and characterization are a lot more fun to play with for me personally, and I kinda sucked a lot at catching symbolism in school assignments, so if I got everything terribly wrong I apologize

Requests?!

Lord Bloodmoon Lore

Or uh, Lord Bloodmoon as a stained glass window? Anything Lord Bloodmoon

Or canon BM in a field of flowers I guess

Or your main in Dandy’s World?

pew pew

1/4

plus these goobers

i main Rodger and Finn (Rodger for public runs and Finn for solo ones)

i like extracting a lot, so i like Rodger a lot! in the future id probably end up being a Vee player tbh,,

Finn is just fun because hes fast LOL. dont think i could play as him in a multiplayer lobby because i tend to get a bit.... reckless with him pfft

2/4

[shadyhouse]

if anyone is able to help me out i'd appreciate it, im still broke as hell. this month has been really difficult for me. i worked a total of 5 days all month and my bank account is in the negatives again after paying bills and getting some living essentials. i dont know how im going to pay my rent like this. i applied to a financial relief fund from a local trans advocacy group but it's going to be a few weeks until anything comes from that. if you have literally anything to spare it would help me out a lot 😭🙏 i feel bad ive been asking for help so often and i know everyone is struggling, im working on getting my life back in order but everything fucking sucks and is difficult right now :( even just spreading this is a huge help

pp: paypal.me/bewearrr vnm: tobias_leviathan

thank you 💕💕

[eilarae]

Stardew Valley Discourse: A Summary

shane: i have depression

person: aww poor sweetie im so sorry ily im always here for u

shane: *exhibits symptoms of depression*

the same person: ew there's no excuse for that

[inkly-heart]

please don’t be sad little sprout, you are loved 🌱 🖤

🌱

[uncanny-tranny]

So much love and recognition to the people who don't know how they feel about recovering. To the people whose scars are fading away, and there's a sinking feeling, despite knowing that it's a good thing. To the people who miss when they were "worse," when they felt "broken." To the people who mourn losing their coping mechanisms, even the ones that were destructive, scary, or unpleasant. To those who feel guilty they're healing because their past self wasn't ready.

Whatever it is, there is nothing wrong with any of those feelings. It's a natural reaction, something you don't have ultimate control over. There is nothing shameful about yourself, and I admire the strength it takes to recognize how you feel, even the parts that do feel like the "wrong" reaction to a Good Thing.

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

[scopophobia-polaris]

My farmer arc

[captain039]

PART 3 Heal your hurt

Viktor x reader

Warnings: Hurt/comfort, angst, health issues, mental health issues, light swearing, chubby reader, intimacy, smut, friends to lovers, reader has chronic pain, idiots in love

Previous part <-

After Viktor's leg massage a few nights ago you haven’t been able to get him off your mind. You heat up at every thought of him, cheeks going red no doubt. His hands felt so nice against your aching legs, practised hands moving with grace. Your mind wanders to more inappropriate images, these same hands slipping under a waistband skill full finger-

“You’re going to over fill the sink” you jolt and turn of the taps quickly the bubbles high and the water almost overflowing. Get a grip! You curse yourself silently lift the plug slightly to drain some water before you begin to wash the dishes with a little bit of aggression.

“You are distracted, lately” Viktor comments from his spot in the small kitchen.

“I’m fine” you cover up quickly.

“You’re not in any pain today, are you?” He asks and you can hear the furrow of his brow.

“No” you shake your head, today was a good day, so far, only the persistent dull ache you always had in your hips and back. It was a downpour outside, a thunderstorm rolling over, Viktor didn’t want to ruin any notes rushing to the lab in the rain, so he stayed home.

“What distracts you then?” He asks and you wonder when he became this worried and interested in your wellbeing. You think about the last few years, quiet and reserved, as he always had been, he respected your space, and you respected his, you weren’t really friends, not like you were in childhood, just acquaintances, living separate lives in the same home. You sagged a bit, you and Viktor were close as children, he’d always have some new invention or toy to show you and tell you about and you’d listen eagerly with wonder. Then your teens hit, and that seemed to go downhill from there, you were struggling with the growing pains and being in the under city there was no real access to medical care, your mother knew a healer, but she just said that children change and grow and that is what you were doing. When your father got promoted and you moved to the upper city when it was all well and less divided, you had access to a little bit of medical help but still nothing. You forced yourself to work despite the agonising nights of not being able to move after them, you made the medical officers look at you again properly and they finally found something not right. You never saw Viktor again, till three years ago. A re-kindled flam you suppose. You thought he wouldn’t recognise you; you look very different from when you were a kid, but he knew, just like you knew it was him.

You’d finish the dishes lost in thought and Viktor hadn’t pressed the question.

“We need more food” you comment glancing outside to the down pour.

“The markets will be shut in this weather, you’ll catch a cold too” Viktor answers and you sigh knowing he’s right so you go to your room, pick up a book and sit in your reading chair by your bedroom window. The day passes slowly you fell asleep during your reading a gentle hand on your shoulder shaking you awake. You groan a bit at the awkward angle of your neck and sit up seeing Viktor a little too close. Your book is on the side of the table and you have a blanket over you.

“The rain has stopped” he says and you nod rubbing your neck a bit as he shuffled back.

“I would’ve let you sleep longer, but your neck looked uncomfortable” he comments and he’s right your neck hurts now. It’s still grey outside but there’s life outside on the streets, no doubt the markets have opened back up.

“I’ll grab my coat and head to the markets” you say stretching and yawning.

“I will join you” Viktor says surprising you.

“It’s a lot of walking, Viktor” you say and he waves you off.

Viktor walks beside you as you go from stall to stall grabbing produce as you need. Some people recognise Viktor and greet him which he greets back quietly too. It’s a little funny watching him tense up with embarrassment at the recognition he receives.

“Are you ok?” You ask as he slows down but you realise he’s looking in a shop, an inventors shop.

“Did you wanna have a look?” You tilt your head and you see his cheeks redden slightly before he nods. You smile a bit and follow him inside. The shop owner has a collection of contraptions from toys to everyday gadgets to some strange things you’ve never even seen. His eyes are slightly wide before they narrow on each thing he inspects, you find it cute the way he calculates how it works studying it before putting it back and moving onto the next item.

“Welcome in” the shop owner grins at you.

“Hi” you turn and greet while Viktor is too busy studying another gadget.

“I’ll be damned” The shop owner laughs softly.

“The great inventor, Viktor” you looked to Viktor seeing him tense and place the gadget he was holding down to turn to the shop keeper.

“It’s honour to have you in my shop” he smiles.

“You have many interesting inventions” Viktor says scanning over them again.

“Not as interesting as yours I imagine but they keep busy” the shop keeper grins.

“They’re still interesting” Viktor comments his eyes falling on you. You tilt your head at him as he study’s you for a moment before looking back to the shop keeper.

“It was nice to see your inventions” Viktor says and you figure he’s ready to go.

“Have a good day” you smile at the shop keeper and head out.

“Do you want to head home?” You ask.

“You still need to get bread, yes?” He asks.

“I don’t wanna push you” you mutter softly.

“Let us get bread then” he brushes you off again. You figure he would do that, you did it back to him, he’s had this condition since he was a child, probably born with it, he knows how to handle it. You’re worried nonetheless the whole way to the bread maker and back to your apartment, Viktor slows in his walk and you match his pace as you walk home. Once home Viktor sits down which you’re thankful for as you unpack the food. It’s dinner time already so you make a simple soup and serve it with the fresh bread you bought on the table.

“Thank you for joining me” you say softly as you both eat.

“You are welcome” Viktor says. You notice how his braced leg is stretched out beside him and you feel guilty. An idea pops in your head, you’re hardly any good with your hands as he is, and- no stupid idea, he doesn’t like people touching him why would you get a free pass? You glare at your reflection in the soup.

“The soup has made you angry?” Viktor asks a light tease in his voice but also concern. Your eyes snap to his face relaxing and you shake your head.

“No just a thought” you say trying to keep a poker face.

“What is it?” He presses gently.

“Just a stupid thought” you grit your teeth a bit before relaxing your face.

“Hardly stupid if it makes you feel like this” he adds.

“I was just gonna offer what you did to me to help with your leg, a massage or something” you blurt and suddenly you’re bright red and frozen.

“Forget it, forget I said anything, stupid-“ you’re up in a rush grabbing your bowl and putting in on the sink disregarding what you had left. A hand rests on your wrists where your hand is fisted against the counter and you tense looking to Viktor who is looking at you.

“I appreciate the offer” he says softly and you clench your jaw and look away from him. He sighs softly his hand moving from your wrist to the side of your face his finger tips gently pressing to your cheek to make you look at him again.

“Would you feel better if you did?” He asks and you frown. This wasn’t about you, it was about him helping him.

“This isn’t about me and my feelings-“ he lifts a hand to stop you.

“Would it?” He presses an intensity in his eyes you’ve never seen before. His finger tips draw down to your jaw as he drops his hand again.

“Well yes it would but-“ he shushes you again and you stare slightly baffled.

“Come” you stare confused at where he just was before you follow him. You’ve rarely been into his room, it’s so…him. Simple but practical with notes and things scattered on his desks, his bed is neat and hardly used. He sits down on the edge of his bed and beckons you to do the same so you do, when you became so obedient you have no idea. He rests his cane on the nearby bedside table before he leans down and begins to unbuckle his brace.

“Viktor-“ you say but the look he send you shuts you up instantly, you feel like you hardly know this Viktor, the one that has told you to shut up three times in a row. He rests it by his cane and rolls his pant leg up. He sits by you, his eyes looking to his leg, his foot inwards slightly, you see a few scars on his skin, maybe from operations.

“This makes you uncomfortable, I don’t, it was a silly idea” you whisper embarrassed.

“It doesn’t” he says and you shake your head you know, by looking at him you know the walls being put up. You sigh and lean into him resting your head on his shoulder so he doesn’t do anything. He must accept your words are true because his pants slide back down covering his leg and you both sit there for a moment. Your hands rest in your lap, fiddling with your fingers a bit as you sit in silence.

“Stop” Viktor mutters and takes your hand moves it to his lap instead, his fingers go to your palm before moving up and intertwining with yours holding your hand still. You stare at your hands tangled together, heart beating loudly in your chest.

“It’s late” you begin.

“You need sleep” You stand his hand slipping from yours as you leave the room.

Next part ->

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.

[shima-draws]

Been having a rough couple of days. Send me asks?