#and it's nice because I know how good that shit is too

[multific]

Scent

Emperor Geta x Reader

Summary: You never would have imagined such a ruthless and sadistic man to be so obsessed with scent.

How did you always manage to smell so good? 

Every person he met smelled terrible. 

He had many men thrown out of the room because of their foul smell. 

But you always smelled divine. And different each time. 

Sometimes you smelled of roses.

Sometimes you smelled of lavender.

Sometimes you smelled of milk. 

It was always perfect. It made Geta always bury his nose into your skin.

Strangely, your hair never smelled like your body. 

Your hair always smelled of fresh flowers or apples.

He loved it.

He loved you.

Every moment he got, he smelled you. Burying his face into your neck, or during private moments, he buried himself into your breasts or stomach.

It wasn't just your dresses that smelled good. 

Your dresses were different. 

While they smelled like you, they also smelled so fresh. 

"An Empress should smell nice." is what you said to him when he asked you about the smell.

He knew how you liked to bathe. 

How you enjoyed being washed and worshipped.

In reality, you preferred to smell great for your husband. Since the first time he noticed your smell of roses, and told you how much he enjoyed it.

Ever since then, you have been finding new ways to smell divine.

And now, you had one more trick up your sleeve.

You were brushing your hair in front of your mirror. You preferred to do it yourself since the servants were always so rough.

Geta closed the door behind himself and let out a long sigh.

"Do you know just how difficult it is to talk to a man who smells like shit? Literal shit! I couldn't even focus." 

"Maybe you should take a bath." you suggested as you looked at him. You smiled when his eyes met yours.

You heard him smelling the air.

"This is new." he said as he walked over to you his nose up in the air, taking big whiffs. "Honey?"

"Yes Dear?" you smirked at him as he smiled. A genuine happy smile might be rare for others, but not for you.

He knelt down in front of you. He grabbed your hand and began to smell up from your wrist to your elbow, from your elbow to your shoulder. 

His breath tickled your skin, making you giggle.

Soon, his nose found it's rightful place in the curve of your neck.

"You smell so sweet." he whispered as he took deep breaths. 

"I'm happy you like it."

"How do you do it? How do you know what I need? I wanted honey today, craved for it and here you are! Smelling like the sweetest honey treat."

"I'm your wife. Who else would know what you need if not me?"

"Oh, how I love you, My Sweet Wife." 

"I love you too."

You both soon headed to bed where he continued to smell your skin and hair, not letting go for one second.

And this is how you slept every night, with Geta hugging your back to his front, his nose in your neck. 

You slept happy, knowing your husband loved you the same you loved him.

Taglist: 

@castellandiangelo @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @manduse @jacalineiscomingforyou 

@mandoloriancookie @deliciousfestsalad @lilliumrorum @asgards-princess-of-mischief 

@fallout-girl219 @dracaryxzs @snowtargaryen 

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

/YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE, TO STEAL OR TO REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/

[hellspawndoodles]

I have two, neither of which are listed so YOU ALL GET TO HEAR ABOUT THEM.

Accusation fics. While, yes, sometimes it's nice to see how certain unaddressed conflicts from the source material (I've seen a few good MLP accusation fics based on Mysterious Mare-Do-Well and 28 Pranks Later because DEAR GOD Dashie can't catch a break) could have been handled, too often they're poorly written with nonsensical characterization and made with the sole purpose of shitting on characters the author doesn't like.

The other, I think, doesn't have a term, but I guess you could call them 'Soapbox Fics' or 'Tract Fics', where actual storytelling and characterization get shoved to the side in favor of pushing the author's sociopolitical/religious/etc views. Think some of the more insufferable PTA Sans fics (you know the ones, where the 'plot', such as it is, are more like drawn-out leftist equivalents to Chick tracts and the characters are less people and more a list of marginalized identities) or those weird conservative Christian fanfics (not like, obvious jokes a la Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles, that shit's hilarious, I mean the ones made in earnest by people who genuinely think American Evangelical Christianity is the only valid religion/philosophy and gay people are icky). I don't even care what the author's views are, I might even agree with them (*ahem* PTA Sans), they're just...obnoxious. Like dude write an essay or start a podcast, leave my blorbos out of this.

"Popular" is of course a debatable term, but I just picked a few I see very often and/or seem to have a lot of works on AO3. Please RB if possible, I've got a reach of about zero people lol

[neostellarjpg]

inner mono-dialogue

the more time i spend being davepeta with you the more i realize almost every single problem in my life was caused by my obsession with being this unfeeling cool dude

but youre cool already

like in the way that actually matters

youre chill and friendly and just nice and thats all there is to it

youre shamelessly yourself even if everybody around you is a jackass and gives you shit for it

youre similar to jade and john in that way

i really envied that about them

but its different actually being at the control panel and feeling where that earnesty comes from

it makes me wanna match your energy and keep that pawsitivity ball rolling even if it ends up being weird or cringe or whatever

fuck man do you know how exhausting it is building yourself social hoops to leap through all the time and when you trip up even once its suddenly the end of the world

what kinda dumbass does that its like dealing with life in hard mode for no reward

fuck that noise

i like your way better

Nepeta's heart burns and shines inside you.

:33 < thank you :))

:33 < but you know

:33 < i dont think doing things your way is unrewarding

:33 < its like

:33 < a shield!

Dave scrunches up with discomfort.

X33 < i dont mean that in an insulting way!

:33 < the fact is that shields are just purractical sometimes

:33 < it doesnt make you cowardly to hide behind one

:33 < in the same way that it isnt cowardly for a predator to hide in the bushes when stalking prey

:33 < its just a way to make sure you dont get hurt!

:33 < purrsonally i found shields too cumbersome

X33 < im a hunter after all!

:33 < and i guess maybe the same goes for my personality

:33 < its not really that im purrticularly brave for being myself

:33 < i just didnt have a say in the matter in the furst place!

:33 < honestly if i had a choice i would have loved to be more like you dave

:33 < you can befriend people almost effortlessly

:33 < and its beclaws youre also just a nice person

Dave recoils in surprise, but Nepeta passionately pushes forward.

:33 < fur real! i f33l it inside you! theres a really strong sense of empathy there

:33 < its just like mine! just smarter, and a bit more analytical

:33 < whenever we encounter someone mew, its like i f33l you lock onto them, and you gather so many insights into their purrsonality without even trying

:33 < and you can use that to bond with others without giving every part of you away

:33 < which unfortunately

:(( < i never really knew how to do

Nepeta sours with unpleasant feelings. Your brows scrunch together with both pain and sympathy.

Nepeta has a big and complex heart. She tried her best to keep it from spilling over, but it always did in the end. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing when your friends dismissed your hobbies or focused in on your strange quirks. It was embarrassing when they revealed they knew about your crush on Karkat that you'd worked so hard to hide. And it hurt whenever he would say mean things about you. He and anyone else.

But you always puffed out your chest and sucked it up. You stuck to your guns no matter what. Because it was fun! The things you liked, the people you liked, were fun, and they made you feel good. Why couldn't anyone else see that? And why did it seem like they never gave a single thought to who you were?

You curl in on yourself. Your chest hurts. You suddenly really miss Equius.

And you miss Rose. You miss Jade. You miss John and Karkat and Aradia and Tavros and Terezi and all the others. You miss all the people you can go outside and see whenever you wish, and you miss all the people that you have no hope of ever seeing again. You feel the choral echo of all the times you've ever felt this need for comfort, this thrumming pain searing hot inside you, like hunger wracking your stomach.

You clench your teeth. You remember being on your bed, curled in blankets, not having eaten a proper meal in days. You remember holding your stomach and sneaking to the kitchen, turning your shoulder at every step to look fearfully behind you, only for your fingers to falter hopelessly on the handle of the refrigerator, knowing there was nothing for you inside.

You shake with anger. You know that feeling. The feeling of being chased by something much bigger than you, a hulking silhouette of menacing strength following your scent through the thicket. You'd clutched a beast carcass to your chest, barely breathing as you stalked clumsily through the trees, performance wavering from exhaustion and hunger.

You'd almost died. You'd almost died often. And then after escaping death so many times, it one day claimed you. Casually. Unflinchingly. And the world beat on without you, leaving you stunned by your own insignificance. You'd looked out onto every preceding moment of your life, wondering if there was anything to truly be proud of in the face of your friends accomplishing all these fantastical things. You'd felt lonely before, but after that, you were truly walled off from every single person you knew.

And now, despite everything, you're alive again. Twofold, together with someone.

A warmth coats the ache inside your body. The two parts of you swirl together, feeling and tasting each other, trying to understand themselves.

It feels like a hug.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

If it’s not too much, may I request how Coffee views everyone. He one of my fav skeletons u write

Undertale Sans - They're friends. Coffee likes Sans really much actually as Sans is always calm and knows how to deal with him when he's too anxious. He feels safe around him and regrets he can't hang out more because Wine doesn't like him.

Undertale Papyrus - They're close friends. Coffee is struggling to follow Papyrus' energy sometimes, but Papyrus is extremely patient and works hard to include him in everything he wants to do. Papyrus is also a bit mischievous and likes to drag Coffee into trouble. Coffee usually completely forgets his anxiety when he's hanging out with him.

Underswap Sans - He's often hanging out with Blue when he's hanging with Papyrus. Blue is less patient than Papyrus, but he tries to hold back when Coffee is around. Coffee can tell that's because his brother is a little like him and so he knows how to deal with the constant anxiety. Honey is also one of his best friends so he sees him a lot and they grow closer.

Underswap Papyrus - Coffee and Honey are best friends. When Coffee is not home, most of the time, he's hanging out with Honey, Rus or Ben. Everything seems natural with Honey. They're both artists, and they both like movies, comics, and animals. They can just hang out in bed for hours in complete silence and still have fun. Additionally, he doesn't need to talk all the time and can be understood even when he can't speak. Honey also likes to cuddle and don't think it's weird Coffee is lacking affection so much. They're just comforting each other.

Underfell Sans - Coffee likes Red, even though Red is not always nice to him lol. But sometimes he gets scared outside and Red is sometimes the only one that looks a bit like his brother so Coffee feels safer hanging out with him. Added to that, he knows even if he acts like he's annoyed, Red actually likes him and often asks his brother how he's going when he doesn't show up for a while. Red is a big softie, he's just hiding well.

Underfell Papyrus - He sees Edge as a sort of role model. He's big and strong and confident, and Coffee would love to be like him one day. Well, that's not ready to happen, but at least Edge doesn't push him away, far from that. Edge is actually nice to Coffee and patience. He doesn't know why, but Coffee awakens his protective instincts. Edge is not huggable though, which frustrates Coffee a little.

Horrortale Sans - His second dad, quite literally. When Coffee has troubles, he runs to Oak for help because Oak has adult energy. He's older, so he knows what to do when he messes up big and doesn't know what to do anymore. Oak doesn't mind, he likes having him around. Oak also likes to talk shit about Wine and learns things to Coffee that he knows Wine is going to hate.

Horrortale Papyrus - They're good friends. Coffee likes hanging out with Willow because he is way less energetic than Blue or Papyrus. Willow also taught him how to cook and Coffee is always excited to help when he comes to the farm.

Horrorswap Sans - It took him four months to notice Blue and Nugget are not the same person, despite, you know, the missing arm. He always wondered why Blue was colder sometimes, but now it makes a lot more sense. He still likes Nugget, even though something doesn't seem quite right with him.

Horrorswap Papyrus - He loves hanging out with Pumpkin, but it's best if there's someone to supervise them. Usually, when they're all alone, one of them will have a panic attack somehow which he's going to make the other freak out and have a panic attack as well. They love painting together though, and the fact Pumpkin can't talk is kinda making Coffee more comfortable.

Horrorfell Sans - They grew closer since he's always hanging out in the farm. Coffee likes that he's calmer than Red and a little more gentle. He's like a calmer version of his brother which doesn't want to take control of the whole world, which helps him to take a break from Wine from time to time.

Horrorfell Papyrus - Like Pumpkin, Coffee is weirdly obsessed with Chief. He doesn't know why, he's comforting. Maybe that's because he looks scary even though he's in a wheelchair and Coffee knows he can count on him to defend in case something bad happens. Or maybe Chef has butterfly pheromones that attract Swap Papyruses, we'll never know.

Swapfell Sans - Nox makes him uncomfortable, mainly because he's always fighting with his brother and tries to manipulate him to go against Wine. Coffee doesn't like he thinks he can't think by himself and even though he hangs with him a lot because of Rus, he doesn't like him.

Swapfell Papyrus - Rus is one of his best friends. He never gets bored when Rus is around. They took a long time to warm up to the other, but watching their brothers' shenanigans got them closer. Rus awakened Coffee's chaotic energy he didn't know he had. He's also a terrible influence and drags Coffee in his machiavellian schemes to ruin people's day. They got in trouble together a million times and they'll do it again. You know what they say? Opposites attracted. They both have literally opposite personalities and they can't get bored of the other.

Fellswap Gold Sans - That's his brother. Coffee loves him and still sees him as his role model, even though life on the Surface taught him Wine hid a hell lot of things from him. He desperately wants Wine to understand he needs more independence and to start a new life now, but Wine is not ready to let go yet.

Outertale Sans - They don't know each other that well. They met once or twice when he hung up with Sun, but that's all. He seems nice though!

Outertale Papyrus - They're friends, but they don't see each other often because Sun is working a lot. But they enjoy the small moments they can be together, even more since they both love painting.

Dancetale Sans & Papyrus - All Coffee knows is that apparently they're famous and pass on TV sometimes. He never met them though, or maybe saw them once or twice from far away.

Dancefell Sans - They're friends, even though they don't see each other a lot. He likes that this version of Red has anxiety like him. They have actually a lot of things in common. Except for the dance. Coffee hates dancing. But he likes watching his friends do it for the both of them.

Dancefell Papyrus - They're friends... He thinks? He's not sure. Tango is weird. Sometimes he acts like their the best friends ever, and sometimes he completely ignores him to talk with his TikTok fans... Coffee is not sure what's their relationship or even if what he thinks of him is really sincere or motivated by views. He has mixed feelings about this.

Farmtale Sans - He's family. Coffee is pretty much always hanging in his house or with his brother, and Sam is just happy his brother has someone to talk to. Sam is always there when Coffee needs it and doesn't hesitate to scream at Wine when he does something that makes his brother anxious. Coffee confesses easily to Sam when he doesn't feel well and he's glad to have his support whatever he does.

Farmtale Papyrus - Ben and Coffee are pretty much brothers at this point. They're always together, it's rare when they don't see each other for more than two days in a row. They have similar personalities and they warmed up pretty much immediately because they like the same things. Ben is also a lot more anxious than Coffee, which he didn't think could be possible, so he sometimes has to make choices for both of them, which is very new for Coffee. They're helping each other to heal from past traumas and they're so happy they have each other to gossip at 3 in the morning.

Mafiatale Sans & Papyrus - His brother asked him to stay far away from them, and just staying two minutes in the same room than Creeper told him Wine was right and to not interact. They're scary.

Mafiafell Sans & Papyrus - They kidnapped him once to piss off Wine and Coffee and decided he doesn't like them. Fang is nice to him, but Torpedo is a jerk, he's mean and he scared him on purpose. He hates them, he doesn't want anything to do with them and he's still mad at his brother for letting them do that to him.

Ink - They're friends, he thinks. He's not sure honestly. His brain struggles to understand what's the matter with Ink. Blue is already hyperactive, but Ink is at a whole another level of hyperactivity and he struggles to follow him. It doesn't help that Ink forgot him several times in different AUs, like this time he had to run for his life, chased by a T-Rex Papyrus who wanted to eat him alive. He's not a big fan of traveling with Ink.

Error - Accidentally got caught by Error once and that was the worst time of his life. Error threatened to erase him if he didn't tell where was Ink, but he really didn't know where Ink was and just cried in fear for two hours. Eventually, Error got bored of him and released him, and Coffee promised to never stay in his way again lol.

Disbelief Papyrus - They're close friends, it's no surprise to anyone. He's a calmer version of Papyrus, and so Coffee feels safe around him. Delta is also a good hugger, and that's good because Coffee doesn't like that he looks so sad sometimes.

Killer Sans - They're friends, but Killer acts a little weird sometimes and creeps him out just a tiny bit. Coffee doesn't trust him entirely because he has a very high LV and he knows that makes monsters unstable. But at the same time, Killer is funny and knows how to make him comfortable. Coffee knows he lost his Papyrus too and so he's nice to him because Killer calls him Papyrus sometimes and looks really regretful. It never for long, but Coffee can tell he's not feeling well.

Dustale Sans - They have a relationship for sure. What type though? No idea. Dune is just standing there, holding his hand, making him very uncomfortable. Sometimes he sniffs him too. Coffee is not sure if it's positive or if he wants to eat him. Probably a little bit of both. That's both scary and fascinating.

[schlattslambo]

daddy issues | schlatt

a/n: i wont lie, this is mainly self insert comfort cuz my day was shit today. i hope you guys like it

c/w: mention of abusive relationship and a bad father. this may be triggering for some people so please read with caution

—————

thanksgiving was meant for warm houses with soft lighting and a big of laughter, reminiscing about how grateful one is for the year and all of the tasty food. well, for most people it is. for you, it was mainly hell.

your father was drinking and your mother fucked up the dinner for the fourth year in a row. your father had refused to eat it and your brother stomped around because everyone else was angry, he should get to be angry too. the turkey was slightly undercooked, the stuffing was wet, the sweet potato casserole was burnt, and the rolls were stale. everything was a mess.

you can’t afford to move out, so you did the next best thing. you snuck out the front door while your father threw the soggy stuffing in the trash. according to him, the stuffing had been your fault, since you told your mother not to worry about it. you figured that it would be best to take yourself out of the situation and go to the only place you knew would take you in.

schlatt’s house was somewhere you escaped to frequently. whenever your father got too angry, you stayed at schlatt’s house for a few days. he protected you and made sure that you had someplace nice and warm to sleep.

the breeze was cold as you knocked on the door seven times in a rhythm. it was the only way you could tell him that it was you without outright texting him. the door opened and schlatt stood there, looking you up and down.

“cmon in, toots.” he says with a sweet smile. “i was just getting ready to eat.”

schlatt had a policy that you could come over whenever you wanted and didn’t have to tell him anything as long as he could give you some food. you’d denied it the first few times, but you figured it was easy to just let him feed you. it helped that he was an amazing cook.

you sat at the table as schlatt carved the turkey and dished up all your favorite sides. cornbread, stuffing with apples and cranberries, and even green bean casserole.

“thank you jay,” you say with a soft but sad smile. “i didn’t get to eat at home. dad threw out the stuffing.”

“your dad’s a dick,” schlatt says with a mouthful of turkey. “i hate that you still live with him.”

“jay i can’t move out,” you argue. “i can’t afford it, you know that.”

“then live here,” schlatt says as if its the most simple thing in the world.

he won’t tell you this, but he’s wanted you to move in ever since you first came to his house, drenched from the rain after your father put his hands on you. your breath was still in gasps when you reached his house. schlatt was ready to kill.

since then, he always has a spare bedroom made up for you. he has a pile of things that you enjoy, your favorite snacks and favorite drinks.

“i can’t do that,” you say. “i dont want to intrude.”

“you won’t be intruding,” schlatt replies. “you’ll be safe and taken care of and loved.”

the last word hangs in the air for a bit as you stare ar schlatt. you know that he cares about you , so you sigh.

“will you help me get my things?” you ask. “after tonight?”

after eating, the two of you sit by the fire and watch as jambo and soup chase each other. schlatt’s arm is around you, tracing soft circles onto your shirt fabric. for the first time in a while, you feel safe. you allow your head to drop to schlatt’s shoulder and he pulls you close with a smile.

“i’ll take good care of you, baby.” he whispers. “you’re safe with me.”

[outrunningthedark]

When it’s all over and Eddie is still straight and likely in a relationship with a woman…. And probably Buck too… O will say something in an interview about how he was playing Buck as in love with Eddie the whole time, so 911twt feels sorry for him and says nice things. Meanwhile R will be full “I would like to be excluded from this narrative.”

LITERALLY THO. Ever since he opened his mouth about Bi Buck in s4** and then claimed he was going to test how far he could tease the fandom via... facial expressions? if Buck was never confirmed queer...I don't put it past this man to be pulling the same shit now (because he knows what fandom uses as "proof" of Buck's attraction, he watches the clips!) while still having the luxury of saying "I understand why you thought that! But I don't write the scripts!" 🙄 He cannot be trusted to tell the story authentically when his main concern is telling it in a way that makes him look like "the good guy". [**Idk how many people were around for s4 in real time, but knowing that Oliver was privy to info about a potential Bi Buck arc puts a whole new spin on the way he engaged with the media back then, particularly after the shooting. This article is a good example - he spoke highly of the will scene, and his and Ryan's chemistry, and said he was looking forward to how things would progress next season for their characters. All these answers were based on his assumption that Buck would discover his bisexuality and thus a possible attraction to Eddie. Something he should have never been told without the proper approval first!]

[sburb2official]

okay

fueled by a combination of vanilla jim beam and boredom:

in order of blood color:

1. Gravix Alocri, fuchsia: doesn't actually stink. usually. typical smell is beach + sugary ice pops + sunscreen because Juluno (his roommate/moirail/big brother figure/secret service guy) insists he wears it. when he does stink, he smells like raw fish because that's what he eats when he's down in the sea

2. Fenlin Lomeni, violet: Absolutely reeks of tequila and fruity spicy perfume. it'd be a fine scent if she didn't fucking douse herself in it to cover up the tequila smell

3. Lasven Vonova, purple: Cologne. Way too much cologne. Wears the cheap shit because he's trying to impress his lowblood friends and just ends up looking like a dweeb. That and the stale smell of a music recording studio that hasn't been cleaned in weeks

4. Zazilo Calune, purple: ... blood? something subtle but unpleasantly metallic. and leather. doesn't quite stink but doesn't smell nice to anyone but Tharni, his matesprit

5. Juluno Nemeno, indigo: Actually smells very nice. Like an appropriate amount of expensive cologne, good dark roast coffee, and fresh laundry. Quite particular about keeping himself clean to set a good example for his hyperactive trainwreck of a royal moirail

6. there is a cobalt but I don't know who she is yet. she has yet to appear in my brain, you feel

7. Klikai Possen, teal: Awful. Horrible. She's a hacking nerd who hides in her rats nest of a room researching aliens, making strange posts on strange forums, crafting the finest joke viruses, eating ramen, and farting. bonus points: unwashed socks

8. Maiyun Omaoka, jade: girl is a pastry chef so you would think she'd smell good. she doesn't. Smells like a messy kitchen and troll weed that she's definitely absolutely not putting in the pastries. Not the worst stink but she puts off showering to do her baking

9. Caiver (uhhh what's their caste name), olive: kind of stinks, kind of doesn't. Smells very strongly of incense, the "book glue" scent but musty and not nice, and unidentifiable herbal liquids. plus a tinge of unwashed hair. but it's usually pretty good sage or cinnamon incense

10. Vrexil Amiani/Isarva, lime, claims to be jade: basically no smell. it's weird. she smells like nothing other than a barely detectable whiff of wherever she's been hiding, which isn't always a pleasant smelling place

11. Jlarin Avarin, gold: 10/10 Worst Stench Award winner. Bro smells like a world of warcraft player. Doritos, sweaty headset, sour gaming chair, nasty socks, mountain dew, dirty clothes, and pure concentrated negativity . room frequently featured on r/neckbeardnests. Dude, take a shower. Please . I'm begging you.

12. Chacie Nalash, bronze: motor oil, paint thinner, electricity, gross work boots, mild bad breath, and beef jerky. she's a technician and mechanic. somehow Fenlin is her moirail. how the fuck

13. Reltha Lemarr, rust: vodka and infrequently washed clothes, but not as infrequently as Jlarin's clothes. has a permanent reek of cheese puffs floating around her. just very greasy, salty, sweaty. she would wash more if her sheer stink didn't piss off her rival Lasven so much. she stinks to spite him and his shitty pop punk 2005 hot topic SoundCloud rapper ahh music

14. Tharni Pravna, rust: REEKS of blood. All colors. insists they have different flavors and smells. The fuck does she do, bathe in everyone's blood? it's on her breath. why is it on her breath? (plus an undertone of ginger ale)

TW. YAPPING!!!!! and i think i say cum once or twice probablie

TGE TROLLS WOULD NOT SMELL GOOD !!!!!

i feel like at most they smell neutral??? or however tf bugs smell

but especially like while and before they play the game?? at the very least they dont smell traditionally nice.

they dont smell like flowrrs and nice things

ESPECIALLY NEPETA!!!! SHE SMELLS LIKE DEAD THINGS MOST OF THE TIME!! SHE STINKS OF ANIMAL AND BLOOD AND SWEAT AND SHE DOESNT SHOWER SHE LIVES IN A CAVE

like no hate to the person who said she would smell like sour candy but like….. why?

i feel like if the troll blood castes were scented, olive blood would have a more natural scent and they wouldn’t be sweet

AND EVEN THEM SHES STILL STINKY!!!!!

the meowrails stink. i love them. but they stink.

equius smells like BO and motor oil and nepeta probably smells like cat piss.

ALSOOOSODOSOSOSO i feel like it’s really weird when people imply or headcanon that the trolls have flavored cum?? like tht feels weird

i feel like even if they did it probably wouldnt be human flavors like chocolate

i dont even wanna think about what i think their cum would taste like tho so im not even gonna try to form an opinion. you do u mann(or do the homestuck trolls ig bc clearly thats ur thing)

UH

i mean clearly not all of their smells are unbearable because clearly the humans dont mind it too much(or at least dont say anything) but also a lot of the biggest offenders are dead so

gamzee smells like drugs. and. dead trolls.

he’s the only i can maybe see smelling sweet because of all the faygo

ik if they were humans they would stink too

like vriska would lie about taking showers i just know it. vriska would drench herself body spray and claim she showered.

trolls wouldn’t smell sweet at the very least

they come from murder land

they don’t smell like vanilla dream

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

personal confession. [3/3] l Joel Miller

Summary:  you met to celebrate, but your conversation took a dangerous turn

Warnings:  (+18) smut, fluff, sex, but they are safe (good job!), Sarah and Tommy

A/N: sorry. i've been mentally down lately. my brain created this.

your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

He went downstairs and immediately noticed Sarah curled up on the couch with a book on her lap. The girl quickly lifted her head and her face lit up with a smile.

"You look good." she said. "You combed your hair, that's nice."

"Don't make fun of your old man." Joel muttered, feeling his ears burn.

She closed the book and put it on the coffee table. "If I wanted to make fun of you, I'd say it took you a long time to finally ask her out. Does she even know it's a date?"

"You spend too much time with Tommy." Joel snorted. "Do I really look good?"

"Sure. And you smell nice too."

He smiled. Tommy had been making fun of him enough these days. He already felt like a teenager who was going on a first date with a girl he liked, and Joel hadn't been a teenager for a long time. Uncertainty and fear filled every inch of his body.

It had been over a week before the two of you had finally managed to find a free evening. If you could cut off all of Tommy's sarcastic comments, Joel was doomed to them all the time.

"You should buy her flowers." Sarah said, watching her father straighten his shirt in front of the mirror, he rarely wore them so she guessed he cared about how he looked now.

He looked at her reflection, frowning, "You think so?"

"Yeah, girls like flowers." She smiled, "You'll show her that you're thinking about her. What kind of flowers does she like?"

The impressive bouquet of roses Jack had given you immediately appeared in his head. Sarah seemed to read his mind.

"Don't buy her roses, that's cliché." she grimaced "Pick something cute and remind her of you."

"I will."

Suddenly the door opened and Tommy came in carrying a large box of pizza. He grinned at his brother and winked at Sarah.

"You're growing up so fast, Joel." he sighed fondly "Sarah and I are so proud of you."

"I already regret asking you to stay with her." Joel mumbled glancing at his watch "Will you be okay?"

"Of course!" Tommy put the pizza on the table and sat down on the couch.

"I asked Sarah."

"Sure, Dad." she laughed and smoothed his shirt over his chest "Go and have fun. She likes you already."

He smiled uncertainly, grabbed his car keys and left slamming the door behind him. He hadn't even started the engine when Tommy ran out after him and stood by the car.

"I almost forgot!" he pulled a pack of condoms out of his pocket and grinned "Don't cause trouble, kid."

"Fuck!" Joel rolled his eyes "Really?"

He took the pack from him and put it in his jeans pocket.

"Be good!"

If someone asked you to describe your first date with Joel, you wouldn't know what to say. You were there, that was for sure. You talked, because you remember his laugh and how wonderful wrinkles appeared around his eyes. 

His hand on your thigh, a little higher than the hem of your dress. How easy it was to talk and how good you felt around him. Those wonderful eyes...

But something more? Damn... Your mind was blank.

But you remembered exactly what happened when you crossed the threshold of your house. How could you forget?

You cum twice without even taking off your dress, and Joel was still wearing the shirt in which he looked like the main meal of the evening. Fingers and lips. Miller was taking you apart with pleasure.

"Another one." he mumbled, lifting his head from between your thighs. "Will you give me another one, baby?"

"Shit! No!"

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "No?"

"No!" you repeated and shifted so that Joel looked at you as if you had taken his favorite toy from under his nose. "All I've been thinking about all evening is that I want you to fuck me. And I really want that." A wicked smile appeared on his lips. "If I don't get your cock now, then...."

"Then what?" he asked, lifting himself up and moving towards you so that he closed you between his broad arms.

"You're unbearable!" you moaned feeling his bulge rubbing against your swollen pussy.

"And you're horny like a cat in heat."

You opened your mouth in surprise and Joel raised an eyebrow very pleased with the effect he was having on you. 

All his uncertainty and fear of how it would all look, flew away. He felt so comfortable with you, and now you were lying under him like the best dessert of the evening.

The dress you were wearing looked amazing, but your shiny eyes and trembling lips looked even better as you cum. He wanted you to get everything you said no one had given you before. He wanted to be the one to give it to you.

"You have to know that I dream of nothing else." he murmured, kissing the corner of your mouth, then your chin and neck. "Ever since you first cum on my fingers, I've dreamed of being inside you. I could do so many things with you..."

"So we have plans for the next few evenings." Your hands unbuttoned his belt and slid inside.

Joel closed his eyes and cursed quietly. He was so hard that every touch you made was risky.

"Take off your dress."

That was an order. He stood up, and you quickly sat up and with one swift movement, you took your dress over your head, throwing it on the floor. Joel unbuttoned his shirt and you saw his broad chest. The thought that all of this would soon be yours was already arousing.

His dark eyes didn't leave your face.

"Hands and knees. Is that good for you?"

You nodded. Damn, you hadn't wanted anyone as much as Joel did in that moment in a long time. The feeling was almost unbearable. Whatever he said, you would have agreed.

"I'm on the pill, in case you wanted to know." You said, noticing him pulling a condom out of the back pocket of his jeans.

He smiled gently. "I trust you, but..."

"Yeah, sure."

You turned around and were about to assume the position when a strong arm pulled you closer to him. His body was heated, and his hard cock slid between your buttocks.

"If you knew what you were doing to me..." he whispered, kissing the back of your neck, one of his large hands cupping your breast, still hidden in your bra. "I walk around half-hard all day. Jesus, you drive me crazy."

"So don't hold back today. I'll take you, Joel."

He groaned into your ear, then pushed you down, your ass arched invitingly towards him. He stroked your hips gently.

"Fuck, you're so wet." he groaned, and you bit your lip as you felt his tip brush against your entrance. "Ready?"

"Yes."

You held your breath as the big head of his cock slid inside you, and then inch by inch, Joel pushed deeper and deeper. Even though he had prepared you earlier, this stretch was unlike anything else. When he finally entered fully, you both froze for a moment, trying to get used to the feeling.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asked quietly, running his hand over your lower back.

"Uhmm..." was all that escaped your lips, muffled by the pillow. "Move, please."

And he moved, slowly at first he pulled out almost completely, and then he slammed into you so hard that you moaned. This was what he wanted to hear, he wanted more of it. Every thrust of his was precise to squeeze every sweet moan and sigh out of you. You clenched your fingers on the pillow, unable to say a word.

"Fuck, you're so tight." he panted.

This was better than he imagined. Your body was completely submissive to him, he was pulling everything out of you, and you were unable to do anything, overwhelmed by the pleasure that filled you with every movement of his. His cock hit exactly the spot you needed. If Joel hadn't held your hips so tightly, you were sure your legs wouldn't have held you in this position.

The slap of skin against skin, your shallow breaths, you could hear the blood pounding in your ears.

"I won't last long, baby..." Joel's voice was low and hoarse "You're too... too... Fuck!"

"I-I'm c-close... Please, Joel..."

One of his hands slid between your thighs and began to make hard circles on your clit. You bit the pillow trying to muffle the moan that escaped your lungs.

"C'mon, I've got you. Give it to me, baby."

Your walls clenched around his cock tightly. You felt your body tense up and if Joel hadn't held you down he would have pulled out of you, he was close too. Another few hard thrusts and he came with a loud groan, clenching his teeth tightly.

"Fuck!" he groaned leaning down and kissing your sweaty back "Baby..."

You couldn't answer anything. Numbly, you only felt him slide out of you, and then he took off the condom and somehow managed to lie down next to you.

You both breathed deeply, unable to say a word. You felt like your brain was a mess, but your body was slowly regaining feeling. After a few moments, you managed to roll onto your back.

"Wow." you gasped.

"Yeah." Joel mumbled, "That was..."

"Fucking awesome."

"Yeah..."

You burst out laughing and turned your head to look at him. He was staring at the ceiling, a smile playing on his lips.

"I wonder..." he began slowly, "...how we're going to get back to work knowing we can do things like this together."

"I have no idea." you chuckled, "But I'd love to do it again."

Gorgeous brown eyes looked at you fondly. "Really?"

"We should take it slow, but... Yeah." you turned to the side and rested your head on your hand "I mean, I've always liked you so we've got the awkward beginnings behind us."

"Hey, I'd love to go on a few dates with you." Joel frowned "You're pretty cool."

"Thanks!" you laughed, patting his shoulder "You're pretty okay too."

His hand found your cheek and he pulled you closer to brush his lips against yours. He could get used to moments like this. He could get used to you.

"Maybe you could come over for dinner on Sunday?" he asked, and seeing your surprised expression added "Sarah asked me to, but if you don't want to, or have other plans..."

"No, I'd love to come." you smiled.

Come and stay.

☆☆☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[millyondollarbaby]

Yandere Veteran!

I give you total honeysuckle Yan!Veteran.

Yan!Veteran who is total jerky- beef jerky. He is aged and tough but a total fox. He can be seen as a total hotty and to others a total dad figure.

Yan!Veteran fought in some pretty serious shit( I don't know shit about the army) but he is home now and wants to live his life and do some actual good. (Not hating on soldiers just saying)

Yan!Veteran who looks for a job where he can actually do something he loves and that's when he finds our non-profit. A non-profit that works on education, environmental impact, and children. He looks into the charity and signs up immediately! Omg- a place that actually looks like they are doing some good? Sold. He may or may not have seen the founders profiles depending on your preference and possibly saw you!

Yan!Veteran who if he didn't see you on the websites profile goes to the interviewer super psyched to get the job because he thinks what you are doing regardless of who you are is super beautiful and he wants to be apart of it! Working with children, cleaning up the planet, being apart of something.

Yan!Veteran who finally meets us! A pretty young thing with the whole world at our feet and disposal(add him to that roster). He couldn't believe his eyes, some beautiful young creature roaming the earth gracing everyone with our presence and actually doing work to change the world? What and absolute angel we are. He should kiss our feet and mewl.

Yan!Veteran who is a total babe when it comes to children. He tries his best and for as awkward as he thinks he is, he is actually such a sweetheart to watch. Not only is he teaching and building bridges for children to grow and connect with our planet but he is totally building and healing himself by being in our program. Just watching him gently show children something you can see how much he cares and its almost like you can see a seedling of goodness sprouting from his poor broken little heart.

Yan!Veteran who might even slightly stutter the first time he meets us. " I-I... It's nice to finally meet you- I'm-" he is really too sweet.

Part 2 coming if requested, kisses!

[emmersonisdesperate]

"we love your Ted talk" we all say in unison.

Its the Barty effect, Barty x any character always gives you the most interesting ships. Lily? James? Sirius? Evan? Regulus? Add in Barty to the mix and now you have a chaotic ship.

LOWKEY...Evan and Remus are giving moonwater..but like, so much more background? Like I literally agree with you, moonrose tend to be the quiet ones, the ones that sit back and observe, the ones that can get away with being in the background. Yes, no wonder they can communicate without communicating, theyre so obsessed with watching the other they know each other's tiniest ticks.

It starts with Remus being curious with how Evan fits in the it-girl Slytherin friend group. Dorcas is obviously magically the strongest of their entire school despite her age, Regulus the most influential and wealthiest, Barty had a bit of those but hes mostly the academic weapon, Pandora was the social butterfly, not because she was nice but because you physically cannot be rude to hear because of her Aura. So what does Evan bring? He doesn't seem to be good at anything so how can he sit there and seem like he belonged?

This is definitely Remus's insecurity speaking, if it wasn't obvious. You don't have to talk about the duo starboys James and Sirius to know the world literally revolves around them. Born smart, athletic, attractive and occasionally, friendly. Peter, like Pandora, was a social butterfly but didn't have some Aura. He was just naturally a good friend, sweet, attentive to details, helpful, brought you customized gifts, so people genuinely wanted to be his friend.

But Remus? He didn't have any of that. He worked hard for his grades, he could never look handsome, the scars from his childhood ruined any chances of that, no point in becoming athletic when his body tears itself down every month anyways. From the start, his lycanthropy made it impossible for him to have any social expectations, he expected years of social isolation, people avoiding him for his sickly nature and scars. For that, he doesn't even think people want to be friends with him, besides the mauraders (everyone has a friendcrush on him, why is he so insecure) So him having the mauraders made him grateful, a bit too grateful, he felt as if he didn't deserve them.

So when Remus observes the Slytherins, he can't help but notice how similar they are in the context of their friend groups. Except well, Evan was attractive unlike him, he wasn't sure why he kept noticing that particular detail but more importantly, unlike him, Evan always seemed as if he belonged there and Remus wants to know how. What made him special?

Well it can't be because he's gorgeous? Remus understood but the other Slytherins were somewhat pretty too?

And well, luckily for Remus, Evan is wondering the same thing about him. Because they're both insecure little shits who don't realize their friends would literally die for them!! And they spend the whole time observing each other!! Notice each other's strengths that they were oblivious to!! And then fall in love because "no one has ever said that about me"!!

I love that bitchkiller and moonrose are total opposites. Moonrose is the calm, emotion centric relationship, built on healing eachothers insecurities. Bitchkiller? yeah no it's chaos here (the Barty effect)

sorry for the word vomit, I love them so much they make me ill.

Fuck gryffindors!

*A pissed Evan storming into the common room*

Pandora: Never seen you look this upset, what happened?

Evan: This same guy keeps borrowing the books I need for my project and he's a Gryffindor! Since when do Gryffindors read? honestly fuck them!

Dorcas, who fucks a blonde Gryffindor after quidditch matches to "relieve stress" (they're figuring it out):

Regulus, who's been dating the head boy Gryffindor secretly for months now and fucks rather frequently:

Barty, who gets high with and fucks on the daily with regulus's very Gryffindor brother: cheers.

*Pandora assessing all their reactions*: ...I sense a disturbance

*Evan not noticing because he was too busy thinking of getting his books and Definitely Not about the scarred blonde Gryffindor boy that took said books"

[mahou-no-momo]

I know the ending was bleak and tragic but I find it hard to believe that the crew's family would not be outraged with the company and go off to search for them on their own or at the very least hire a PI/search & rescue to find them. It definitely wouldn't take 20 years for them all to be found. Months at best. However, they all likely still would've been found dead because they didn't have enough supplies to last until they were all found.

At the very least I just can't fathom them all floating through space rotting away and NO ONE actually looks for them. No way. Specifically Daisuke and Swansea's family.

Like I think about this so much. How much would it cost? What would the company say to cover their ass? (We all know how corporations are. Especially this one.) Would they not even acknowledge any concern? How much hush money would they attempt to offer? How would the families cause enough of an uproar for the company to take action? What lies would the company spread before finally accepting that they're at fault? How long of a battle would the families put up with before taking matters into their own hands? Would this cause there to finally be proper work regulations? Not specifically for a crew since the Tulpar was the last, but in general for any job with humans at the helm.

I don't even wanna think about if any of the family finally finds the ship and goes on board. Daisuke's parents would be devastated and guilty. Swansea's kids would be outraged, seeing the bullet hole in their father's head. You even have to wonder about Curly and Anya's family too. I don't think they'd be allowed on the ship just simply for the fact that the investigator/S&R would know that the crew would likely not be in a good state when found. So that puts my mind somewhat at ease. None of their families has to immediately see that whole scene. But they would have to identify the bodies, and that's what hurts me.

[cryptiduni]

“white mourning.”

[dootznbootz]

I went on tiktok to just watch some silly Odysseus videos but then I mostly saw people going like "Yeah, maybe Odysseus cried on Calypso' island every day but honestly he had that coming after what he did Achilles and Patroclous/Circe!!!" and "Everything that happens in Odyssey is deserved cuz he took Patrochilles to war!!!" and "I feel so bad for Circe and Calypso and Penelope, they deserved better!!!"

For fucks sake I beg you, read anything different from Millers bs and like educate yourself- And please stop goddamn saying that rape victim. deserved it.

Circe probably didn't give a flying fuck, Calypso is a rapist and abuser and Penelope deserved everything she wanted and SHE WANTED ODYSSEUS

I think I've had enough internet for today, imma go wash my eyes with bleach. Anyways sorry for ranting here, i hope you don't mind it lmao

It's alright. I absolutely understand the vents about the whole thing. :'D No one deserves to be a victim of such a thing no matter WHAT they've done. I hope your eyes are okay after the bleach

Like Odysseus does so many fucked up things but Calypso and Circe? He is the victim. Period. It's very clear that Odysseus is in extreme distress on Ogygia. And Circe wasn't some sort of FwB situation. There's fear and numbness in the language he uses when talking about it. There's so much victim blaming and it SUCKS.

Even then, Odysseus' journey was kind of about "temptation" or just straight up "Die or get out of my sea." From Poseidon. "I don't want you in my waters so I'm gonna try and give you things that will keep you on land or just kill you."

Immortal goddesses wanting you would be many people's dream come true but not for Odysseus. And I think that's the point. His determination, how he clawed his way back into the arms he never wanted to leave in the first place, is incredible. Many people would've given up and just started a new life but he never would because no life he could ever create would compare to the life he had before. Even if it's different, it's what he's always wanted.

He literally tells Calypso "I'm not stopping until I'm home. I don't care if I suffer more until I do. I'm going home."

“Mighty goddess, do not be angry with me over this. I myself know very well Penelope, although intelligent, is not your match                                          to look at, not in stature or in beauty. But she’s a human being and you’re a god. You’ll never die or age. But still I wish, every moment to get back to my home,                                                       to see the day of my return. And so, even if out there on the wine-dark sea some god breaks me apart, I will go on— the heart here in my chest is quite prepared to bear affliction. I’ve already had so many troubles, and I’ve worked so hard                                  through waves and warfare. Let what’s yet to come be added in with those.”

(Book 5, Johnston)

Circe's a goddess and what happened is nothing like Dionysus and Ariadne and Apollo and Hyacinthus for example. Circe never gave Odysseus a crown of stars and he would never go out of his way to kill 120 people for bothering her. They did not love each other and he can't refuse as she's a goddess.

If you interpret them sleeping together the entire year,(It's only explicitly said that they had sex once so that's what I go with personally.) that doesn't mean he was happy with it! Even then, the whole situation is not what a healthy FwB should look like! I'm asexual and even I know that no one in a FwB situation should have to BEG in any way that basically says "Please let me go or kill me" with supplication!!! The fact that he leaves so quickly he forgets one of his men? The fact that during Elpenor's funeral, he doesn't greet Circe himself? He was avoiding her. Wouldn't he want to get "one last night together" during Book 12 if they were fwb? 🙄

It's bonkers to me that people hate him for being a "cheater" when A.) having multiple lovers wasn't uncommon in Ancient Greece, and B.) the two people he is explicitly said to have "cheated" with, weren't his choice. He wasn't actively searching for pretty women either!!!

As mentioned, while it was common for men to have many lovers, Odysseus never had any listed unlike some of the other men. (not bashing any of them. I'm just making a point in comparison.) He also has no other children besides Telemachus in Homer's works. There's no evidence of him having other lovers other than speculation. (funny enough, I once read somewhere that the reason why Odysseus is so mean is because he doesn't "bond" enough with the other soldiers. 😂)

Does that mean he didn't have other lovers? Technically, Nope! It's just never explicitly stated either way. He has slaves but none were ever said to be concubines or that he sleeps with them. He has deep bonds with his fellow soldiers but that doesn't mean he sleeps with them. That doesn't mean people can't write or talk about him doing so even though it's not mentioned! Just like it also means that someone can write him not doing so as there's nothing that says it either way in Homer's Works! :D

It's fucked up when people say "He didn't try to leave Calypso enough" or something of the like. It just tells you how A.) they didn't read the Odyssey or have piss on the poor reading comprehension or B.) ...you should probably stay away from that person...

With Circe though??? I can understand the confusion but digging deeper and looking at the text, he wasn't having a good time. Or at the very least was walking on Eggshells the whole time. I hate bringing up that essay over and over again but like...I literally wrote everything there.

I also don't like how people take Circe's morally gray-ness away from her. Let her do something fucked up to be fucked up!!! Let her traumatize Odysseus!

Idk, I kind of hate that I'm "known" for this but I relate to this idiot asshole a lot and it means a lot to me that his story, despite what happens to him, has a happy ending :'D

[evilminji]

Part of me? Wanted to say "but that would be too convenient, surely" but? I mean?

You're not wrong? Cause like? What is that, if not just a refinement of a pre existent instinct? Humans have "something is Wrong™ with that one" instincts. WE retreat from and push away other humans who register to our senses as "dangerous to the group".

Could be rabies symptoms. Could be sever and sudden onset mental illness. Might be an enemy infiltration of some sort. We pick up on that. Isolate and exclude the individual. Quarantine, be it fair or unfair, logical or illogical. It helped us survive.

And with the Force? Vibe Checks are a real and valid thing. Maybe John feelin kinda sketchy to you, all of a sudden. Maybe, John shouldn't come around as often. Figure himself out. Keep the HELL away from vulnerable parties. Get your shit together, John. Or we WILL. For you.

It's not even the Sith! THAT is an ideology. A fucked, fucked FAITH.

They'd prob have just as much problems with Nightsisters. Other Darksiders. Because it's a branch of their "is there a Predator nearby?" Senses. The Dark Side leads to unstable behavior. Selfish, destructive, behavior. Bad for everyone around them. Can do A LOT of damage, very VERY fast.

0 to 150% with little to no warning, and THAT'S how they? Historically? Probably lost entire towns or city blocks. If not WORSE, since their whole RACE is Force Sensitive. It would be something EVERYBODY watches out for. Culturally.

Like having your neighbor turning into a walking bomb. Knowing the warning signs. Being able to head that off. Putting them DOWN before it gets to that? It could and WOULD save lives.

You would develope a violent knee jerk reaction. Be able to pick them out of a crowd. Watch them like HAWKS.

Suuuuup, buuuuuuddy? Wanna back away from me n mine? Before I shoot you?

Let's talk about this. :) be smart and no on has to die. :)

An SI-OC would already know what Palpatine is. They could probably brace for it. Avoid him. So they don't *locks eyes, instant kill bill sirens, I am arrested for trying to murder the Chancellor* you know?

Sith, at least? Would probably be EASY to spot? It would get a visceral disgust and rejection. Like every rotten thing was waved in your face. It'd be the nuanced folks that would confuse her?

Like? Do I Dislike you because you're an Asshole? Or do I THINK you're an Asshole and Dislike you... because you are in danger of Falling, and desperately need help? Is that guy's voice ACTUALLY grating? Or is it his Force presence?

Why do I distrust and want to shove this perfectly nice old lady, off a Speeder platform?

At least Babies are simple. No wonder SI-OC chose to be a Creche Master. Babies know what they're about. It's naps, hugs, and eating. Good stuff.

OKAY, FIRST? Like the Picture Says...

So!

Here I was, sittin', thinkin', pondering my thoughts. Thing to myself? "How could one? Presumably female, much like myself, Jedi repopul-" and THAT is when my brain, worn and weary, from years of The Internet? SLAMMED its fucking pint down on the bar counter, turned to me with an ugly scowl and sneered?

"You KNOW fucking how. Don't be coy."

( O.O) w-well alright then, brain. Little aggressive. Kinda wondering where you got the knife. I... I'ma just... go... *pint glass is thrown after me, shattering on the door as it just barely misses*

So! Yeah. Birth, probably. But STILL! That's like? Still ONE(1) fuckin Jedi right? And even IF Mr. "I am literally half midi-chlorians by blood" sired two Force Sensitives on his first go? That's no guarantee EVERYONE does?

Unless..... >.> we are taking into account a Force Sensitive RACE. THEN? Oh, THEN? It's not a matter of IF, but HOW MUCH. Enough to hit that arbitrary cut off point? What if you don't care? What if you say "everybody can be a Jedi"? Want to TRUELY spread the Light. Not just to those who are STRONG enough... but to EVERYONE.

There are a few races like that! But! That STILL? Doesn't solve the Puzzle! The Problem! Of how could One(1) VERY determined Jedi lady, who? Presumably is pretty cool with motherhood. Rebuild The Jedi Order, by NOPING™ out before Order 66.

Again, presumably AFTER taking on the role of Creche Master. And AFTER taking all the youngling on a Super Fun Unplanned Don't Tell The Other Grown Ups Suprise Feild Trip~☆ (yaaaaay!)(who wants snacks! Everybody got their travel bags and buddies? Let's gooooo~☆!)

Cause like? Still need a stable population. And enough Jedi to *obscene gestures multiculturally* at the Sith.

My? Proposal? We turn to the Wisdom of the Monster Fuckers. (Wait wait WAIT! Don't leave! HEAR ME OUT!) I KNOW this sounds like a sex thing! Not a sex thing! It's a "Who said Humanoid Meant Live Birth? Were fucking Aliens, Bro" thing! Just because? Our SI-OC? Was reborn AS a vaguely human shaped sentient?

DOESNT MEAN SHE'S A MAMMAL.

That weird hair color could mark her as some WEIRD, man! Fuck, for all we know she could be a fungus! It's vaguely body horror! You get over it! Adapt to new biology!

Learn?? You lay CLUTCHS. Fuckin EGGS. All baby making is external after the first bit. Something, something, easier to defend against predators. SI-OC doesn't remember that part. There was this high pitched ringing in her head then a thump. She was on the floor. May have fainted. What're you, a cop?

They offer her weird alien birth control.

She takes the birth control.

Learns she is a Rare and Near Extinct Species, a la Master Mundi. Learns it's VERY detrimental to her health to lay clutches. Takes a lot of resources, she can't LEAVE it, so with out a partner or community (or sufficient hoard of food) she WILL starve to death. It HAS happened.

No, seriously, look Mafame Che in the eyes. It HAS happened. And no you CAN'T "push your impulses into the Force". It's a biological imperative. Your body physically won't LET you.

Exactly three options. Babies born, they die, or YOU DIE.

......little intense. Got it. Yes she would like that birth control. She will continue to be both average and forgettable. Pay no attention to the Jedi Creche Master In Training! Oh look! It's kenobi! *yeets fellow jedi under the speeder*

Take some.... research trips >.> <.< >.> which is of course totally not scouting out new Temple locations! To the Wild Zone. Mmmmm, no one for WEEKS by hyperdrive! It's so calm out here!

Only took, like, 278 different planets scouted! To find the right one.

*starts building dwellings.* *starts directing "too old" Force Sensitives or Families that want to stay together and are willing to move, towards the location.*

New secret Jedi planet? Whaaaaat? Nooooooo. That would be illegal. Jedi can't break RULES! Don't be silly. Oh? Is that Skywalker? *same Speeder, new jedi. YEET!*

But WAIT! The War Approachth! D:> upsetting. Better get ready to give that "we totally need to Hide The Babies For War Reasons" presentation she has prepared. But FIRST?

A clutch. Got a transport pod ready to go. Got food stockpiled. Got the birth control out. Now? Just need a male! Too uh... contribute.

.......look, she wants her legion of tiny jedi babies okay? They glow like STARS. Everything is BETTER with them around. And she's kinda come around to this whole... disgusting slime... goo... Thing™. Cause I mean? At LEAST it's not pushing one OUT! ( o7 Padme, you have her respect. But also you are a madwoman.)

The Healers, are of course, FROTHING at the mouth.

YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKER. They hiss, like healing and very concerned paragons of needle weilding fury. Where the FUCK are you going to just? GET?? A male of you INCREDIBLY RARE AS FUCK Species? You damn near dead and no longer existent species??!? You have DELIBERATELY put yourself in EXTREME medical distress! For WHAT?! Did you HAVE a plan!?

Yeah. :3 I call it Pulling a Yoda's Linage *Yoda ears move from Concern, to Intrigued*

*click*

..........what was that. Jedi SI-OC, What Was That?? *comms start blowing up* What did you just DO?

Oh :3c simple. She asked. It's the only polite thing to DO after all. She DOES need assistance. Surely someone would be willing to offer. If they can. How? You may ask?? Why look so CONCERNED Councilors! She simply assumed, that? Since there is no way of KNOWING where in the Galaxy surviving members of her Race are? And time IS of the essence? She SHOULD reach as wide an audience as she can, as FAST as she can... RIGHT?

>:3c so, of course, she posted her request to the Holonet.

Video and all.

"Grettings, I am Jedi SI-OC. I am an [race] and currently a Creche Master here at the Jedi Temple of Coruscant. I require the assistance of a healthy, willing Male of my species, as I have laid a clutch. And wish to have it fertilized. I would like to have children. We would, of course, discuss co parenting the children before beginning. I have, attached, further details. Thank you for your time. May the Force be with you"

Sexiest shit a LOT of people for egg laying races have seen in years. Well... those with Very Specific Jedi Kinks. Of course, no one ADMITS to jedi kinks. But like... you've thought about it. Don't lie. Everyone's thought about it. It's them and the Mandalorians.*commiserating noises*

But like? The NEWS CYCLE.

Holy SHIT.

Yeah, yeah, tensions and possible succession from the Republic. Sith plots in the background. But? *new casters violently clear their planned segments for THIS* JEDI? Horny on main!? Is THIS ALLOWED? IS this horny? What race is that? C-can other people volunteer? And if so, who? We take to the streets! Sir, what's your opinion on-?

OUTTA MY WAY, I'MMA BANG A JEDI! *frenzied mob like behavior*

*temple guards, unnamused.* back! BACK! Horny jail! For ALL OF YOU!

Just?? It's? So, SO? Important to me? That their are Mandalorian [race] that show up. Because the need to repopulate their people is more important then *scrunch nose* Jedi(ew). That it becomes the Galaxy's hottest Bachelorette show. WHO? Amongst these Fine And Acomplished Men? Will the Jedi CHOOSE? To have babies with! They ask.

And, presumably, marry and learn the power of family and friendship and emotions and be HEALED by LOVE etc etc.

There are shipping charts. It's horrifying. The talk shows LOVE it.

Council? Day drinking. Except for Mundi. He's just like "....but did you HAVE to you they Holonet? It's so MESSY >:/ everyone's in our BUSINESS now." Cause he's not a hypocrite. Grumpy asshole? Absolutely. But not a hypocrite.

Just? The single most "....who?" Jedi ever. Causing the BIGGEST fuss. Right at the worst possible moment, for Sidious. Causing an explosion of glee and hope and laughter etc, all across the Galaxy. Good feeling towards the Jedi. EVERYBODY talking about them. There's gonna be HUNDREDS more!

If she does this AGAIN (in a decade. Madame Che was NOT joking on the stress it puts on the body) there could be thousands new Jedi over the coming years! (Probably why the Sith fuckin wiped them OUT, not that she thinks about it. Fuckers. Who's laughing NOW?! Huh? WHO LAUGHING NOW?!)

Again! Very, unspeakably Ace. Not a sex thing. I just think I'd be funny? That the Forces answer to The Evil Sith plan was... Babies™.

What are we? Fuckin YODA?

@babbling-babull @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @hypewinter @mayfay

[eightspringdays]

You know what has always seemed funny to me is that Mello has some kind of relation with fire (the explosion and then the fire in his death), and at the same time, his real name is the same one of the arcangel known for having a flaming sword (even tho never stated in the bible but he's represented with one in almost everywhere for interesting reasons but no one gives a shit about that)

which i totally think is a stretch of my part because based on platinum end, ohba's vision of religion is almost the equivalent to the opinion of a 15 yo edgy incel that likes reddit too much

but still funny to me. it's also funny considering the name literally means "who is like god?" because, technically speaking, michael will never be like god, he's the protector and fighter. his name is almost the statement "no one will be like god" which I think is funny considering that the one who tried to be like god was cast out to hell, like u know, the good-looking angel that in some depictions is actually a very manipulative entity that convinces some angels to get into his side and fight with him and was defeated by this said arcangel

that's very funny to me

[sweetvalentinescandy]

trying to make some tweek designs just to like practice or somethin idk ell oh ell im not feeling very confident in my art anymore lowkey

big yap fest for each design under the cut !!

Barbarian Tweek

"ive never really thought of tweek as afab outside of TSOT, but i feel more comfortable drawing top surgery scars [than i do like.. nipples.] ive always seen tweek as trans, usually non conforming/non binary/androgynous in general, but ive never considered transmasculine. but i like the idea!

this is probably my least canon compliant design of this bunch. i feel like the fantasy of TSOT is just so ripe for headcanons. i NEVER draw sp characters with canon in mind really, probably the autism taking over or somethin, but i always at least age them up [more in the main tweek design]. for this design, i was thinking more of what tweek thought they looked like, if not the more au version of TSOT. like, The Thief by Wintergrew on ao3 kinds of non canon compliant. thats also most of the inspiration for basically every TSOT thing i do ever. i love that series (i did cry) (a lot)"

Tweek Tweak

"its the original guy lets have a round of applause honestly..., not my favorite time ive drawn bro. he looks so boring when hes just standing there. i always see tweek as non binary, just because i project on them a LOT.. like. i know that hes a guy and probably doesnt care [in canon], but i just headcanon like that i guess. i also age him up, along with every other sp character, to be around my age so like 14-17. i know thats controversial [and by "i know" i mean i saw someone on sp whisper pinterest say they hated it] but i just dont know how to write kids. theyre kinda boring. i can project more onto teens i guess. thats kinda all there is to say. sometimes i draw tweek with brown pants, but thats because i just like the earthy aesthetic [on them]"

Wonder Tweek

"this is the most canon compliant one. im just not that much of a TFBW guy honestly (which is sad because its the only source of not really canon twenny sigh) but i guess its also the source of some of the best creek. i am not a creek hater but sometimes its hard to fight the allegations when i start crying over them having a cute scene in a video game [not because im mad its because i miss being in a relationship] [frowney tumblr loser behavior] when i say this is the most canon compliant one, i mean it. this is SHORT HAIR TWEEK. [i usually draw tweek with like longer hair like 2021 wolfmullet hair and with the little twin sideburn things idk what theyre called, mostly because i didnt know how to draw short boy hair before getting into sp and thats just how i drew them instead but a year later i finally decided to just do it and thought it was okay for startin out] code red. sound the alarms. theres not a lot to say besides that. (can you tell i hit my peak with barbarian tweek.) [i ordered this by order of how i finished them and yes you can tell sigh]"