#and instead try to ask solas things to figure out what he's about lol

[theredconqueror]

@dreadwo1f: (continued)

violet eyes went cold . a night's chill , thick as fog. the wolf silently stalks , observing the other from where he stands. before the corner of his lips twitch , he sneered. arms clasped behind his back , standing proud and regal similar to the depiction of the god painted on the walls. and he wonders , “ does the name give you pause ? ” his opposer was right to hold reservations but solas didn't need doubt to seep in , not now , not when he was so close . “  dread wolf, god of lies , treachery , ” there was contempt as he tossed his words so carelessly , titles he did not favor. “  i'm sure you've heard the rest . . . those stories were merely fabricated to strike fear in the hearts of the dalish. they are , simply just stories. ” he made an attempt to dispel his uncertainty with a liar's tongue. “ what is real however is the threat unleashed upon this world. we need each other if we are to survive what's to come. i would not lie about that. ” 

he is unflinching before the predator's gaze. so: this is the true picture behind the painting, finally peeled back after so many years. the gold edges of pride that might have been shown in their time together in the inquisition are now on full display; the godly demeanor meant to intimidate, he is sure. saramus is the snake who has slipped between the cracks of the abyss — he doesn't fear the wolf's maw. "is that the same line you used on ROOK?" he muses with a sharp smile, his head tilting in half-inspection, half playful scolding at the notion of being fed leftovers. "i can tell you that it failed to CONVINCE them." this gift he'll give for free. he cannot leave all of the fate of the world to a stranger — the one who finds themselves at the unfortunate crossroads of this trio of gods. saramus had never feared that they would fail to defeat corypheus. the evanuris, however, were a different beast. he looks to consider the other's words, almost as if accepting them. at first, at least. he smiles, still. "the only question is what will be the catch at the end, isn't it? shall i have to wait to get to the last page again?" too late. not this time — it is why he is here, to judge the dread wolf for himself. a question, curious, earnest: "what do you wish for me to call you? SOLAS or FEN'HAREL?"

[jadejedi]

Love Does Not Fail (4/?)

Summary: When Anakin saves the galaxy from Palpatine, Padmé and his children survive, but their family is split apart nonetheless. Leia is taken to be raised in the Temple, not knowing that the Jedi who "found" her is actually her father. Luke grows up with Padmé, knowing only his mother's side of the family. But some things are inevitable.

Chapter Summary: Anakin and Padmé’s year on Naboo.

A/N: So! Thanks to quarantine related free time I suddenly have, I managed to plot this sucker out. Right now, I think it’s going to about twenty chapters. This chapter is 3x the length of the previous ones, and I have no idea what future chapters will look like going forward.

Because the plot is sort of… loose... there will be a lot of time jumps in the chapter, focusing on major events. Or some chapters will focus on like, one really busy month, lol.

All of that said, strap in folks, because this one is a rollercoaster. Let me know what you think!

ao3 link here

Padmé sat on a chair out on the lawn at her family’s home in Varykino, with Artoo next to her, watching as Anakin and Ahsoka sparred on the lawn. She smiled as they traded jabs, both verbal and physical. 

They’d been on Naboo for a week now, and Padmé was extremely glad they’d decided to come here. Nothing Coruscant had to offer could compare to a sunny day in Naboo’s lake country. 

She idly rubbed her stomach as she’d been feeling some amount of discomfort for a little while now. She was less than two weeks out from her due date, and since she was carrying twins, AZ seemed sure that they would come early.

She and Anakin had already decided on names. Anakin had wanted their children to have Nubian names; he didn’t want anything but their surname to tie them to Tatooine.

The names Luke and Leia had ended up as her and Anakin’s favorite names. Neither name was very common among Padmé’s generation, but fairly common names all the same. 

Over in the distance, Anakin once again won the sparring match. Something Ahsoka said caused him to laugh.

He’d been so nervous to come to Naboo and face her parents. It had been sweet, really. They had decided that she would come a day or two early, so she could tell her parents the identity of the father of her children by herself, and then Anakin would follow. He’d insisted on packing her luggage for her, as she directed him from where’d she sat on the bed, and had peppered her with questions about her family and how they would take the news.

In the end, Padmé had been right. They had already liked Anakin from the first time they met him, right before the war, and they liked him now. They were obviously upset that they hadn’t been able to attend the wedding, but they had also understood the difficult circumstance that they had been in. It wasn’t Nubian culture to insert oneself into another’s private life. Family might get away with more than most, but her family had always respected her choices.

And, of course, her parents were delighted to have Anakin as a son-in-law. Sola had been over the moon that she’d been right all along about their feelings for one another. 

Padmé grimaced slightly as the pain she’d felt earlier returned with a stronger intensity. She turned to Artoo, who Anakin had tasked with keeping her company. “Artoo, would you go find AZ-7 for me?” 

He beeped in reply, and headed off towards the house. 

She turned back to watch Anakin and Ahsoka, who were now cooling down from their sparring session, and her thoughts turned again, as they so often did, to her children’s futures. One of them, she knew, would have a relationship with Anakin similar to Ahsoka’s. That of a Padawan, never able to fully have a parental figure. The other would hardly know Anakin at all for the first twelve years of their life. 

Her heart ached at the thought of her children not able to know their father. She loved Anakin with all of her heart, and she’d been so excited when she’d first discovered her pregnancy, not just because she wanted to be a parent, but because she wanted to be a parent with him. Knowing that neither one of her children would be able to experience that fully hurt her almost as much as the rest of all of this mess. 

It was hard to reconcile her dark thoughts with the beauty of the lake country, with its chirping birds, beautiful wildflowers, and the distant sound of water flowing, so she tried to steer away from them.

Instead, she thought of the year that they would have here, and all the memories that she and Anakin would make with their children. 

“You called for me, Mistress Padmé?” AZ said, coming up to hover next to her chair. 

“Yes,” she said, turning to look at him, hand still on her stomach. “I think I am having contractions,” she said, unconcerned. She’d been having those pains for the last half an hour or so, but they were far enough apart that she didn’t feel that there was any need to rush. 

“Oh!” AZ exclaimed. “Well, then I will stay here with you and monitor their timing, so that we may know if you are going into labor,” he said in that way of his, that was both serious and excited sounding. 

She nodded, at that moment felt another wave of pain. “There’s one right now,” she said, through slightly clenched teeth. The pain still wasn’t terrible, but it was getting more intense. 

Anakin and Ahsoka must have noticed the appearance of AZ, because they came jogging up to the house, having stopped meditating while she had been talking to the medical droid.

“Is something wrong?” Anakin asked, concern written all over his expression. 

“It’s nothing,” she said, “I’m just having some contractions.”

Anakin’s eyes went wide. “Are you having the baby?” at the same time as Ahsoka gasped, “You’re in labor?”

--

Ahsoka paced outside the door of Anakin and Padmé’s room, where they were both was inside, with AZ and a midwife from a nearby town they’d contacted before coming to Naboo. 

After AZ had started monitoring Padmé’s contractions, it was another half hour before he’d determined that she was going into labor. At that point, they’d moved her upstairs to the bedroom and called the midwife. It was then that Ahsoka and Dormé had been kicked out of the room. 

That had been an hour ago. Since then, she’d commed Obi-Wan to let him know, as he’d been planning on stopping by once the babies were born, and had meditated for about as long as she could take. Now she was pacing. She knew that human births could either be fairly short or extremely long, so she wasn’t really sure what to expect.

“Ahsoka, you’re making me dizzy,” Dormé said, seated in a chair in the upstairs living area that the bedroom was connected to. “Come sit down.”

Ahsoka sighed as she flopped down on the more comfortable looking of two sofas. “I’m not very good at waiting,” she confessed with a wry smile.

Dormé smiled back at her. “Everything will be fine,” she tried to reassure her. “Women of almost every species do this everyday, all across the galaxy.”

“I know. It’s just that Anakin has been so worried about her. He tries not to be, but I don’t think he can help it.”

Dorme laughed. “Of course he can’t. He loves her. Of course he worries about her.” She looked at Ahsoka oddly. “Don’t you Jedi ever worry about the people you love?” 

She paused, and then amended her statement. “The people important to you, I suppose. Since you aren’t supposed to love.”

“They,” Ahsoka reminded her. “I’m not a Jedi anymore.” She could say that now without it hurting. Much. 

She considered Dormé’s question. “Of course Jedi worry. But they aren’t supposed to, no. Jedi are supposed to trust completely in the Will of the Force. Master Yoda says that all will be as the Force wills it. If a Jedi does worry, they are supposed to release that worry into the Force, because it can lead to fear, which can lead to-”

“Anger, hate, suffering,” Dormé interjected. “So Padmé has explained to me. I suppose that I don’t really understand, because when I try not to worry, I just worry more.”

Ahsoka chuckled. “Yeah, it’s not just you.”

There was a moment of quiet, cut by a particularly loud scream of pain from the bedroom. 

“Do you miss being a Jedi?” Dormé asked after a moment.

“Yes, and no,” Ahsoka said. “I miss my friends. I missed Anakin, before I came back, and Padmé, too, for that matter. I miss a lot of the routine, and the security I felt with the Order. But my life has so much more than it was when I was a Jedi. I’m happy to be on my own. It was hard at first, but I think I am finding my own path,” she said, glancing at the door as another shout came through.

Dormé shook her head. “I just don’t understand how an Order claiming to be dedicated to protecting people could do this to them,” she said. “Padmé has always respected the Jedi, and for them to do this to her, to Anakin, when he saved the galaxy?” She shook her head again. “It’s just so cruel.”

Ahsoka sighed. “I think, to them, they are really just trying to follow normal protocol as best they can. They are so attached to their traditions they don’t see how their normal protocol could ever be cruel.”

Both of them turned as the door opened, and Anakin stepped out, a small bundle in his arms and an enormous grin on his face. 

Ahsoka gasped and jumped off the couch, making her way over to Anakin.

“Meet Luke Skywalker,” he said proudly.

Ahsoka looked at the tiny, red little baby in his arms. A little strange looking, she decided, but cute all the same. “He’s beautiful.”

“He’s lovely,” Dormé agreed, and Ahsoka thought she looked a little misty-eyed. 

“Isn’t he? Padmé has Leia right now, but she’s just as perfect.”

Ahsoka shook her head in amazement. “I still can’t believe you have twins! Twins!”

He laughed, a little tearfully, looking down at his son. “I know. It all kind of feels like a dream.” Luke made a little cooing sound, and all three of them stood silently for a moment, watching him.

“I assume Padmé is doing well,” Dormé asked after a moment, reaching out to touch Luke’s tiny baby fingers.

“Tired,” Anakin said with a nod, “but otherwise doing fine. She wanted you to give her a few minutes before coming in, but then you can meet Leia.”

“Who's older?” Ahoska asked.

“Big brother, right here.” Anakin looked up at her. “Do you want to hold him?”

Ahsoka nodded. She’d helped out in the Temple crèche enough to know what she was doing. She let Anakin transfer Luke in his soft yellow blanket into her arms. 

“Hi, little guy,” she cooed softly. His eyes were closed, and he was squirming around a bit in her arms. He was so much smaller than the babies she held at the crèche, who were usually at least a year old. “He’s much cuter than Stinky,” she told Anakin with a smirk.

Anakin laughed. “I don’t think that that’s too hard.”

She glanced back down at Luke. “No, but he really is cute.” She could feel his Force presence, so strong already. She poked at his mind, and he immediately opened his eyes to stare at her. She laughed. “Sorry to bother you.”

“He’s got your eyes,” Dormé told Anakin.

“Do you want to hold him?” Ahsoka asked her, and she nodded eagerly.

While Dormé was holding Luke, Iala, the midwife, peeked her head out the door. “She says you can all come in now,” she said with a smile. “She’s ready to feed Luke.”

Dormé passed Luke back to Anakin and they all followed Iala into the bedroom. 

“Hi,” Padmé greeted them with a tired smile. Her curls were tied into a bun at the top of her head, and she was propped up and surrounded on the bed with half a dozen pillows, another tiny baby swaddled in her arms. 

Anakin smiled at her, and bent down to kiss her in greeting, before they carefully exchanged the children. Ahsoka thought about offering to help, but decided that they needed to figure stuff like this out on their own. 

“They’re beautiful, Padmé,” Dormé said with a smile, coming over to stand by the bed so she could look at Leia in Anakin’s arms. 

“Aren’t they?” she asked, as she positioned Luke to feed him. “I can’t get over how perfect they are. All their little fingers and toes.” She turned to Anakin. “I’ve already burped her, so she should be fine.”

“She’ll probably want to sleep,” said Iala from where she was seated. 

Dormé and Padmé continued chatting as she fed Luke, while Anakin brought Leia over to where Ahsoka was standing at the foot of the bed. While Luke had just a small amount of wispy blond hair and blue eyes, Ahsoka was surprised at how much dark brown hair Leia already had. Her big brown eyes were focused intensely on Anakin, who was gently rocking her in his arms.

“How does it feel to be a dad, Skyguy?” 

Anakin didn’t look away from Leia as he answered. “Wonderful. Terrifying.”

“Scarier than facing down a battalion of battle droids?” she teased.

He laughed softly. “Yes.” He looked up at her. “Honestly, besides facing Palpatine, the last time I was this scared was when you first became my padawan.”

“Really?” she asked, crossing her arms. She remembered her master being mostly irritated those first few days together. “What was so scary about me?”

He shrugged, and looked back down at baby Leia, who indeed started to drift off, blinking sleepily as Anakin continued to rock her. “You were just a kid. When I was fourteen, Obi-Wan and I were mostly going on diplomatic missions or protection detail, not fighting in a war. I was twenty years old, newly knighted, and here was this snippy kid I had to protect. It was terrifying.”

“And now you’re twenty-three and you have two babies to protect. At least you don’t have to worry about the war,” she joked. “And hey, you’ll be able to handle ages fourteen to seventeen no problem.” 

--

The next three months flew by so quickly that Anakin didn’t really have time to feel anything but joy. Obi-Wan stopped by on his way back to Coruscant from a mission for a day or so. Padmé’s family visited again from Theed, though they once again had to leave Ryoo and Pooja home for now, as they were still too young to keep so many secrets. 

It wasn’t until everything started to settle down a bit, with only Anakin, Padmé, Dormé and the three droids left at Varykino, that Anakin began feeling the pressure of the fact that this happy time with his family had an expiration date. Ahsoka had decided to go visit Rex on Mandalore for a couple of days, to let him know what was happening, and to give Anakin and Padmé some time with Luke and Leia. 

It started when he got a comm from Master Windu. Since the twins were (miraculously) asleep at the same time, Anakin was able to step away to an empty room to take the comm.

“Skywalker,” he said. “We have lost contact with Senator Chuchi, who was sent as a diplomat on behalf of the Republic to negotiate terms of their surrender and our troops withdrawal. The Republic has maintained a presence there since the Battle of Sullust. Since Naboo is in the same region, and you are familiar with the Senator, we are tasking you to go to Sullust and regain contact with Senator Chuchi. If at all possible, those negotiations need to continue. We don’t have any troops in the area, other than the ones already on Sullust, so you’ll be on your own for this one.”

Anakin crossed his arms. He didn’t want to leave right now. His children were barely three months old and his wife needed him. 

As if sensing Anakin’s reluctance, Master Windu’s blue holographic form glared at him. “As a Jedi, we expect this mission to be your first priority.”

“Is there really no one else, Master?” 

“No. The war with the Separatists may be over, but that doesn’t mean that every Separatist planet is willing to give up so easily. We are still spread thinly, and as this is an extremely time sensitive mission, you are the best person for the job.” He gave him a look. “This is why we do not allow attachments, Skywalker. A Jedi should not place any one individual or family above the rest of the galaxy.”

Anakin scowled. “I understand. I’ll leave immediately.”

“We have Master Secura and her troops coming in as reinforcements, but she is tied up with a conflict on Felucia right now, and it is crucial that Senator Chuchi is rescued.” 

With that, Master Windu ended the call.

Anakin sank down into a chair in the office, and put his head in his hands. How was he supposed to tell Padmé that he had to leave so soon? He knew that she would understand that it was his duty, and that almost made it worse.

The joy that he’d been feeling only minutes ago faded into anger and confusion. How could he be a Jedi, now? All he wanted was to be with his family, but that was no longer an option for him. He couldn’t be the kind of Jedi that the Council wanted him to be. He didn’t even think that he wanted to be, anymore. 

“Anakin.”

His head whipped around, looking to see where the voice was coming from, but seeing only the empty office.

“Anakin.” This time, he realized that he recognized the voice.

“Master Qui-Gon?” Anakin asked haltingly, not really believing it.

There was no response. 

Maybe the lack of sleep was making him go crazy. He shook his head.

“Anakin.”

“What do you want?” Anakin snapped, hoping this wasn’t an exhaustion fueled hallucination.

“Want? I don’t want anything. I’m here to talk,” came Qui-Gon’s voice, as calm and serene as Anakin remembered. 

“Talk about what?”

“Your anger at the Jedi.”

“You can’t tell me that you think that what they’re doing is right.”

“No, I can’t. But I can tell you that your anger isn’t going to help anyone. Yourself least of all.” He paused. “You’re conflicted. All you’ve ever wanted was to be a great Jedi, but now you don’t know what you want.”

“How can I be a part of an Order that would do this?” he asked, pained. “How can I pretend to be one of them for the next… fifteen? Twenty? Twenty five years?”

“There is more than one way to be a Jedi, Anakin.” Qui-Gon’s disembodied voice chuckled. “Look at me. I may have been a powerful and well respected Jedi, but they never offered me a position on the Council. And if they would have, I would have turned them down. I often found myself at odds with them. And look at Jedi Vos. He is far from a typical Jedi, but he is a Jedi nonetheless. And look at you. You have never been an ordinary Jedi, and yet you are one of the best.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Anakin asked. He’d forgotten how cryptic Qui-Gon could be. 

“I’m saying that the Council wants you to be a Jedi, fine. Be a Jedi, Anakin, as you always have been. Do what you know to be right, follow what the Force is telling you, not what the Council is telling you. If there is to be any hope for the Jedi, they must see that what I am telling you is true, and they will only see that if you show them.”

Anakin bowed his head. “Why is this up to me?”

“Because you are the Chosen One. You must bring balance to the Force.”

Anakin growled in frustration. “Didn’t I already do that when I destroyed the Sith?”

“Don’t you remember Mortis? Balance is about more than merely destroying the darkside. It is about holding them both, the dark and the light, in balance. The Sith Lord was right about one thing, Anakin. There is more to the Force than the Jedi could ever imagine. The Sith, too, for that matter.”

“What do you mean, Master?”

There was no response. 

--

It turns out when Master Windu said that Anakin would be on his own for this mission, he really meant on his own. The Republic troops still on Sullust were halfway across the planet, defending the main Republic garrison from an attack from the Sullustan forces, when he landed just outside of the Sullustan capital of Pinyumb. 

“I’m sorry, General Skywalker,” Dav, the clone Commander in charge of the garrison said over comm. “The Sullustans have us surrounded. Tanks, destroyer droids, and way more men than we have.”

“I understand,” Anakin replied as he landed his starfighter in a small clearing in a wooded area not far from Pinyumb. “Keep the garrison defended, and their troops occupied, but don’t try and break their blockade just yet. Hopefully their attention will be on you and not on the Senator.”

“Yes, sir.”

“What do you know about Senator Chuchi’s disappearance?” he asked, still seated in the cockpit of his fighter.

“We know that there are two disagreeing factions here on Sullust. One that wants to rejoin the Republic, and one that does not. While the Prime Minister is in favor of rejoining, we think that Senator Chuchi was kidnapped by someone in the opposing faction. Possibly before even making contact with the Prime Minister, to make it look like the Republic never intended on negotiating.”

Anakin sighed. “Great. So not only do they think we went back on our word, wherever Chuchi is being held, it’s probably not in any official capacity.”

“Probably not, sir.”

“That’ll make it more difficult to find her,” Anakin said, contemplating. “Wait. If the Prime Minister is in support of rejoining the Republic, why are his troops blockading our garrison?”

“We think that the opposition party has launched a coup and taken control from the Prime Minister.”

Anakin sighed again. “This just keeps getting better and better. Commander, send me any blueprints you have of the capitol building, as well as a list of known high ranking officials who oppose the Republic.”

“Will do, sir.”

“Skywalker, out.”

Anakin opened the hatch of the cockpit and climbed down. “Artoo, I’m going to need you with me for this one.”

Artoo trilled and beeped in reply. He grinned. “Don’t worry. I think the hardest part of this one will be freeing the Prime Minister. After that, it’ll be a cinch.”

Artoo beeped skeptically, but lowered himself down from the fighter anyways.

The trek into the capital wasn’t a long one, but it gave Anakin time to look through the documents that Dav had sent to his datapad. 

As it turned out, the leader of the Republic opposition party was in charge of the Sullustan Ministry of Justice, which oversaw all prisons. That would make it easy for Senator Chuchi to be hidden in the high security prison on the other side of the city, most likely under a fake name, to hide who they were holding.

“We just need to break into the main capitol building so you can connect to their prisoner database. Hopefully by narrowing down by intake date we will be able to figure out where Senator Chuchi is,” he told Artoo.

Artoo beeped, causing Anakin to chuckle. “It’ll be a breeze, Artoo. We’ll be back on Naboo in no time.” He felt a pang as he thought of his family on Naboo. He checked his chrono. The kids were probably napping right now. Would Padmé be able to get them to sleep at the same time? Neither of them had mastered the art of rocking both of them in their arms, yet, and the twins would only go down for a nap for the two of them. 

A questioning trill from Artoo drew him out of his thoughts. 

“I’m fine,” Anakin assured him. “We just need to get into the capitol. Once we’re inside, I’ll find the Prime Minister, and you find a computer terminal to figure out the Senator’s location.”

--

As it turned out, getting into the capitol building was the easy part. Using the blueprints, he’d found a ventilation shaft that had an opening on the second floor of the backside of the building. It was a little tight around his shoulders, but it was far from the first time he’d crawled through ventilation shafts. 

The Prime Minister was indeed being held in his apartments within the capitol building, guarded by at least thirty Sullustan guards, around fifteen battle droids, and two super battle droids. And that was just what Anakin could see through the vent.

Not the hardest odds he’d had ever faced, but in such an enclosed area, it would be hard to destroy the enemy combatants and protect the Prime Minister.

Thankfully, the vent he was looking out of was positioned right above where the Prime Minister was seated at his desk. 

He shimmied a little past the vent so he could kick it loose, and then pushed himself gracefully out of the vent and onto the floor, onto the Prime Minister’s desk.

The troops in the room turned around at the sound of his thud onto the desk, and swung their blasters around to face him. He reached for his lightsaber and ignited it, the bright blue of his blade stark against the dark interior of the apartments. 

“Put down your weapons. I am Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, here on behalf of the Republic to free the Prime Minister.”

All at once, they started firing at him. 

“Prime Minister, get down!” he shouted, using the Force to knock him out of his seat. “Get under the desk!”

He easily deflected the first round of bolts volleyed at him, before jumping and flipping into the air and off the desk, swinging his saber as he came down, decapitating three of the battle droids. 

Anakin grinned as the blaster bolts came flying at him, and he deflected each one, slipping easily into his master’s preferred form of Soresu.

 He continued to work outwards, destroying the droids one by one and incapacitating the Sullustan guards by either destroying their blasters or using the Force to throw them across the room. 

He’d almost forgotten how easy it was to slip into the heat of battle, at one with the Force, the only thing he was aware of was his saber and his goal.

He slashed downwards at the remaining super battle droid at the same time as he shoved a guard away. 

It didn’t take long before the room was strewn with unconscious guards and droid parts.

Using the Force, he pulled the last guard standing towards him, slashing through the guard’s blaster as he did so. “Take me to the one in charge,” he ordered with a growl.

The guard spoke rapidly in Sullustese. 

The Prime Minister climbed out from under his desk and spoke to Anakin rapidly. Unfortunately, Anakin didn’t speak a word of Sullustese. Many species, including Sullustans, could’t speak Basic, but thankfully, these two seemed to understand what he was saying. 

He shook his head. “Do you speak Huttese?” he asked.

The Prime Minister shook his head, looking offended at the mere sound of the language, while the guard nodded rapidly.

“Yes! I speak Huttese.”

“Great. What did the Prime Minister say?” Anakin reached out and grabbed the guard by his collar. “And don’t lie to me.”

The guard looked nervously between the Prime Minister, Anakin, and the door. “He said that there will be more troops on the way. That his loyalists are locked in the parliamentary chambers.”

“Well,” Anakin asked, “Are there more troops coming?”

The guard nodded, and Anakin sighed. “Of course. Tell the Prime Minister to follow me.”

The guard relayed his request before turning back to Anakin. “What about me? What are you going to do with me?”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to kill you.”

“Why?”

“Because I need you to translate.”

He motioned for the guard to head out first, keeping the Prime Minister behind him. 

--

The rest of the mission went smoothly. Anakin lost himself in the adrenaline of fighting his way down to the parliamentary chambers, liberating the Prime Minister’s troops, retaking the capitol building, and capturing the Minister of Justice who was also in the parliamentary chambers. Hours of combat faded into each other as he focused only on the task at hand.

After that, it was just a matter of meeting up with Artoo, who had found a record of a female prisoner of an unlisted species processed around the time Chuchi went missing. 

Since the Prime Minister was once again in charge, they were able to walk into the prison and were escorted to the cell of the prisoner they were interested in. 

“Master Skywalker,” Senator Chuchi breathed out in relief, scrambling up off the cell floor. “I wasn’t even sure if anyone was aware that I was missing!”

Anakin gave her a quick grin. “We knew. Don’t worry, Senator. Sullust is back in the hands of the Prime Minister, and your negotiations can resume.”

He motioned to the guard to open the cell.

“Are you okay? Were you treated well?”

She grimaced slightly. “I can’t say the food was very good, but otherwise it wasn’t too terrible. They mostly forgot about me, I think.”

Anakin nodded. “They’ve been distracted with their coup and with the Republic garrison.”

“Well, I can’t thank you enough for not only rescuing me, but for overthrowing the Minister of Justice. It is imperative that the Sullust rejoins the Republic. Such an alliance would allow us better deals with the SoroSuub Corporation.”

“I’m glad to help.”

And to his surprise, he was. All in all, it’d been a very cut and dry mission. He’d fought some battle droids, saved a Senator, and restored a planet’s democracy. The kind of mission that reminded him what being a Jedi was supposed to be like.

But, even though by the time he got back to Naboo, it’d be less than three days, he still missed his family. 

“Senator, I am needed elsewhere, so I will be leaving Sullust very soon, but I have gotten word that Master Secura is on her way now from Felucia,” he said as they walked out of the prison.

“I understand. Thank you again, for your help.”

--

Padmé smiled as she sat in the grass outside of Varykino. She, Dormé, and Ahsoka sat in a circle so that the twins could play in between them on a blanket she’d laid out, belly crawling in between the three of them and soaking in the sunshine.

“Leia, Leia,” she said in a sing-songy voice. “What are you doing, sweetheart?” She was scooting her way over to her, slowed down by the stuffed nerf whose leg she had clutched in one hand. 

Padmé laughed as she struggled to make it over to her. “You’re going to have to set that down, you know.”

“She seems pretty determined,” Ahsoka said with a grin. Padmé was so thankful that she and Dormé were both here with her. Ahsoka had arrived back yesterday from Mandalore after Anakin told her that he was going on a mission. Padmé wasn’t sure how she would’ve taken care of the twins these last two days without them. And Ahsoka was so good with the twins. She loved to gently toss them into the air, and play games to make them laugh.

After a few more moments of struggle, Leia finally made it over to her, and put her hands on her knees, looking up at her mother beseechingly. “Oh, okay,” she acquiesced, reaching down to pick her up and set her on her lap. 

She glanced over to where Luke was sitting in front of Dormé, who was trying to read her one of those thick paged children’s books that had lots of animals with little circles of textures for them to touch. Unfortunately, Luke seemed more interested in trying to eat the book than touching it. 

“Luke,” Ahsoka called, trying to get his attention. “Watch this!” 

Dormé turned Luke around so he and Leia could both watch as Ahsoka levitated their wooden Aurebesh alphabet blocks in the air, making them spin and dance around mid-air. 

Luke’s eyes were wide with wonder as he watched. Padmé glanced down to see that Leia’s eyes were similarly wide, reaching out with one hand. Ahsoka raised her eyebrows as one of the blocks floated loose from its formation, bobbing unsteadily through the air until it landed on the ground in front of Padmé and Leia. 

“Whoa,” Ahsoka said, impressed. “Good job, Princess!”

Padmé smiled down at Leia, and tried to press down the worry she felt at any reminder of her children’s Force sensitivity. It wasn’t that she didn’t want her children to be trained in it; she just knew that if Luke and Leia were anything like her and Anakin, they would already be magnets for trouble without adding Force sensitivity. It seemed like a lot to place onto such young children.

“What age do Jedi younglings usually start doing things like that?” Dormé asked.

“Oh, it depends,” Ahsoka replied, setting the blocks down into a pyramid formation in front of Luke. “On whether or not they’re raised in the Temple around other Force-users, and on how strong in the Force they are.” She looked between the two children consideringly. “I guess with a father as strong as Anakin, and having the two of us around them all the time, this is a pretty reasonable age. Maybe a little young. Usually parents start reaching out to the Jedi about their child’s strange powers before the kid turns two or three.”

Padmé smoothed down Leia’s already thick brown hair that seemed to want to stick out in all directions. “I can’t imagine raising a child with these kinds of powers unexpectedly. It must be scary.”

Ahsoka nodded. “It’s the main way that the Jedi get children. All hospitals within the Republic suggest that children have their midichlorian count tested at birth, but it’s not a requirement. Most parents reach out when they don’t know what to do, when they worry that they won’t be able to provide the best life for their child anymore.”

That made sense, Padmé supposed. She couldn’t imagine any parent who had wanted their pregnancy to be willing to give up their child right after birth, but when faced with mysterious powers, and a promise of a better life for their child, Padmé could understand what a difficult decision it must be, especially if the Order applied any sort of pressure on those parents. She was only glad that she would have Anakin and Ahsoka in her life to help her raise a Force-sensitive child without the Order.

As Luke lunged forward after the pyramid of blocks, Padmé’s comm went off. She quickly accepted the call, holding her holorecorder at face level after glancing down at the datapad she’d brought out with her to see that it was from Anakin. 

His miniature blue form appeared before her. He appeared to be sitting in his starfighter. 

“Anakin, is everything okay? Are you headed home?”

He grinned and nodded. “Everything’s fine,” he assured her. “I saved the Senator, saved the day, saved a democracy. All in a day’s work,” he said with a cocky grin. 

Ahsoka rolled her eyes from behind his holographic form, causing Padmé to chuckle. 

“Well, we’re glad to hear it,” she replied. She angled the holorecorder down slightly so he could see Leia seated in her lap. 

Anakin brightened at the sight of her. “Are you guys outside?”

“All five of us,” Padmé confirmed. “It’s such a beautiful day out. Hurry home, and you could join us for dinner.”

Anakin nodded. “Will do. I just wanted to give you a quick call before I made the jump to hyperspace. I love you.”

“Love you,” she echoed, and his blue form blinked away. 

Padmé smiled to herself as Leia chewed on the block that she’d stolen from Ahsoka. Anakin was safe, and he was coming home. They still had nine more months to spend together, and as she sat out on the lawn, it almost felt like all the time in the world.

--

Those nine months passed much like the previous three. In a blur of feedings and nap times and diaper changes. Visits from her family, taking the children out onto the lake, trying to convince them to eat their first solid veggies. 

But Anakin could even blink, a year had passed on Naboo, and he and Padmé were already packing their bags to leave. 

 “I’m not ready to go,” Padmé said, pausing her packing.

Anakin looked up from where he’d been packing his own bag and saw tears in her eyes. “Me either.”

“It just doesn’t feel long enough,” she continued. “I can’t believe that the twins are already almost a year old.”

He nodded. While their year on Naboo had been wonderful, the last month or so had started to feel more and more suffocating as they both realized that their time as a whole family was almost up. Every moment began to feel like it had to be something special, something that they could both hold on to for later.

And now their year was almost up. The twins would turn one year old in three days, and Anakin would have to run the blood test to test their midichlorian counts. 

They would have to run the test while still on Naboo, and Anakin would fly back in his Jedi starfighter with one child and Artoo, while Padmé and the other child flew back on the Naboo star skipper with Dormé, Ahsoka, and Threepio. 

The official story, Anakin had been informed by Obi-Wan, was that he was undercover somewhere in the Mid-Rim. After his “mission” was over, the Council would supposedly hear from Senator Amidala about a Force-sensitive child on Naboo with no parents, and would send Anakin to investigate. 

“Let’s take a break from packing,” Anakin suggested. “I’m sure that Ahsoka could use a break from watching them.”

Padmé nodded, wiping her eyes, trying to pull herself together. His heart clenched at seeing her so distraught. He knew that what was happening to them wasn’t his fault, but it still felt like she would have been better off with someone else. He knew better than to say that, though, instead pulling her into his arms and holding her.

After a moment, Padmé stepped back, nodding to herself. “Okay, yes, let’s go,” she said determinedly. 

They walked out of their bedroom, across the second floor living space, and into the children’s playroom. 

Ahsoka was seated cross-legged on the floor with Leia in her lap as Luke sat near her, playing with a plastic ball that had lots of buttons on it, each one producing either a sound or a colored light. 

“Hey, look who it is!” Ahsoka told Leia, turning around as they approached. “It’s mom and dad!” Leia babbled happily in response, and made a reaching motion towards Anakin. 

He grinned and swooped down to pick her up. He kissed her on the forehead, causing her to scrunch up her face and giggle. She babbled some more nonsense at him, and he nodded seriously. “I’m happy to see you, too,” he said with a grin. 

Leia looked so much like Padmé already, with her big, dark brown eyes, and her dark brown hair that still wasn’t quite long enough to do anything but tie the longest hairs into a single ponytail sticking straight out on top of her head. Anakin called it her antenna, much to Padmé’s chagrin. 

“Are you guys done packing?” Ahsoka asked.

“Hardly. But we needed a break, and figured you might, as well,” Padmé replied as she sat down next to Luke, smoothing out her skirt as she did so. 

Ahsoka smiled and reached over to tickle Luke, “Need a break? From these two bundles of energy?” she joked. “Never!” She ruffled Luke’s hair, causing him to laugh some more. “This guy just got changed, but she,” pointing at Leia, “will probably need it soon.” 

Padmé nodded, and Ahsoka got up to leave. “Bye kiddos!” she said, waving at both of them. “I’m going to go do some packing myself,” she told Anakin as she walked out. 

“Ma!” Luke exclaimed, suddenly, reaching out his arms towards Padmé. She grinned as she picked him up and set him on her lap. Both of the twins had started babbling more and more lately. It was hard to tell what “words” were actual words and which were just coincidences. 

Anakin sat down next to Padmé and Luke, Leia still in his arms. “Have you guys been good for Ahsoka?” he asked them, smiling as they both looked at him, blue eyes and brown, and babbled a response.

“You two are always good, aren’t you?” Padmé said, brushing a kiss to the top of Luke’s head. 

“Is that true? Are you always good?” Anakin asked Leia, bouncing her up and down on one of his legs. She laughed and he glanced over to see Padmé smiling softly at the two of them.

 He could tell what she was thinking. If they didn’t have many of these moments left, then they would have to treasure every one.

--

“And don’t forget to comm us when you reach Coruscant,” Jobal told Padmé, voice thick with emotion. 

Padmé nodded. “I won’t.” She gave her mother another hug. Her mother wrapped her arms tightly around her, and Padmé felt her hands running comforting circles on her back.

“If you ever need anything at all, comm me.” 

Padmé nodded wordlessly. They were all meeting her family Varykino one last time to say goodbye, before they had to leave for Coruscant. 

Ruwee was talking quietly to Anakin while holding Luke in his arms. Sola was saying goodbye to Leia.

The goodbyes lasted several minutes of passing the babies around and hugging. Her parents even pulled Ahsoka and Dormé into the hugging action, much to both of their amusement. 

After her family left, Dormé and Ahsoka made themselves scarce, so Anakin and Padmé could be alone with the children. 

Anakin had the same blood testing equipment that Qui-Gon had tested him with all those years ago, and AZ had the equipment to test it.

Padmé felt like time was moving at half speed as she held Luke, who was being very squirmy in her arms, as Anakin quickly cleaned a spot on Luke’s chubby arm.

“Would you like me to do this, Master Anakin?” AZ asked, hovering next to her. 

Anakin shook his head. “No, I’ve got it.” He carefully pricked Luke’s arm with the needle. 

Luke barely reacted, going still for a moment, before turning to look up at Padmé. She smiled comfortingly at him, bouncing him in her arms. “Good job, Luke!” she cooed at him. “That didn’t hurt at all, did it?”

“Good job, little man,” Anakin agreed, only able to conjure up the barest hint of a smile as ruffled his hair.

Padmé sat Luke back down on the ground on the playmat and picked up Leia. “Your turn, sweetheart.” Leia watched with big eyes as Anakin swabbed her arm and then pricked her with the needle, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“Aww, Princess,” Anakin comforted her, “I’m sorry.” He handed AZ the testing equipment and Padmé let him take her. He gave a pouting Leia a kiss on her nose, before cuddling her into his chest. “I know that hurt, didn’t it?”

Padmé couldn’t help herself but smile at the two of them. Since day one, Leia had had Anakin wrapped around her little finger. 

Luke had crawled back over to her, and tugged at her skirt. “You want up?” she asked him, already bending to do so. 

She took a deep breath, hugging Luke to herself. “AZ, go ahead and analyze the results.”

AZ used his own satellite technology to communicate with the medical equipment in her star skipper to run the results remotely. “Do you want to know the midichlorian counts of each child, or do you just want to know who has the higher count?” AZ asked.

Padmé exchanged a look with Anakin, her heart in her throat. She hugged Luke closer to her, and she could feel tears starting to run down her face. She barely noticed when Anakin stepped over to her, to wrap the arm not holding Leia around her.

“Just which is higher,” Anakin answered quietly.

“The counts are very similar,” AZ began, “But Leia’s midichlorian count is slightly higher.”

Padmé started crying in truth now, turning into Anakin’s arms, still holding Luke, so that she could put her free hand around Leia. 

She could tell that the children were confused. Luke was moving anxiously in her arms, but she couldn’t help it. She had ignored the truth of what was going to happen to her family for a whole year, and now  the seemingly far off future was upon them. It seemed too overwhelming for her to comprehend. 

--

Anakin stepped back after a minute or two when he could tell that the children were getting restless. “Here,” he said quietly, “You take her for a bit. I want to say goodbye to Luke.” Padmé nodded through her tears and let him take Luke with his flesh hand as his mechanical one handed Leia off. Padmé sat down on one of the couches, clutching Leia against her shoulder, murmuring into her ear. 

“Da?” Luke asked, blue eyes peering up at him in concern. Anakin tried to give him a bit of a smile. “Hey there, little man.” Anakin hugged Luke to his chest, and wished that he would be able to remember anything that he was about to say.

“The next time I see you,” he told him, “it won’t be like this. We’ll have to pretend that I’m not your dad, okay?” He leaned Luke back in his arms, so his legs were against his chest, and he could look his son in the eyes. “But guess what? That doesn’t mean that I’m not your dad. I’ll always be your dad. And I’ll always be there for you and your mom, okay?” Luke blinked his blue eyes at him, looking solemn. Anakin could tell that he was picking up on his emotions through the Force. 

He hugged Luke again, smelling the top of his head, taking in the sweet baby scent. 

Padmé was still on the couch with Leia, who was now on Padmé’s knee, as she ran her fingers through Leia’s wispy brown hair. “I’m going to go get Ahsoka,” he told Padmé, who nodded, looking only briefly up at him.

He carried Luke up the stairs to the sitting room where he assumed Ahsoka and Dormé were waiting. As he climbed the steps, he thought about the future. He would return to the Temple with Leia. She would be known from now on as Leia Lars, which was his step-family’s name, but also a not uncommon name on Naboo. Luke would go to 500 Republica with Padmé a day later, and Anakin wouldn’t visit Luke for at least a month. They wanted to give him time so that he could see him as a new person, his mother’s friend and bodyguard, not as his father. 

Ahsoka and Dormé were indeed waiting for him in the living area. “We’re almost ready,” he told them. “Leia and I will be leaving soon.”

He could tell that Dormé had also been crying before he’d come up, and Ahsoka looked as upset as he’d ever seen her.

“I’m sorry, Anakin,” was all she said. Anakin nodded. 

“You two should go down and say goodbye to her.”

He followed them back down the stairs, and took a seat on the couch opposite Padmé. She reluctantly handed Leia off to Dormé, before walking over to Anakin and sitting down next to him.

“I’m not going to be able to teach her how to do her hair,” she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. “I won’t be able to brush it for her like my mother always did for me.” Anakin wrapped an arm around her. He knew that the mother-daughter relationship was very important to the Naboo, and he hated that she wouldn’t be able to experience that.

“Ani, I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I don’t know if I can, either.” He looked at Luke. “We have to be strong. For them.”

She nodded tearfully, and reached out a hand to Luke, who grabbed her index finger and immediately brought it to his mouth and started mouthing on it. She gave a short laugh of surprise.

“Master Anakin, if you want to make it to the Jedi Temple before nightfall, you’ll need to leave very soon,” Threepio informed them as he entered the room, Artoo trailing behind him.

He nodded. He looked over at Dormé, who had passed Leia off to Ahsoka at some point. “Could you take him for a second?” She nodded, and strode over to pick up Luke. She looked at the two of them. “We’ll give you two a minute alone.” She ushered Ahsoka and the droids out of the room.

He pulled back so that he could look at Padmé. He knew they would see each other in a few days, but it wouldn’t be the same. He reached out his flesh hand to her face, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. “We’ll be okay,” he told her as confidently as he could. “This is only temporary. We will be a family again, someday. We’ll all be together.”

She nodded, looking up at him. “You have to help her,” she all but pleaded. “You have to make sure that she has love in her life.”

Anakin nodded. “I will.” 

“If you don’t, she won’t ever want to be a part of our family,” she said, tears starting to fall again. “She’ll be too much like the rest of them.”

He shook his head. “I won’t let that happen.” He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss, tasting the salt from her tears on her lips. He felt her reach out and grab his robes with both hands. He moved his hand from her face down to her waist to move her closer to him, pulling her all but onto his lap. He deepened the kiss, feeling the urgency of their imminent separation, before pulling back, resting his forehead on hers. “I love you, with all my heart,” he whispered. “We will get through this,” he promised her.

“I love you, too,” she whispered back. 

--

Anakin glanced back to where Leia was strapped into her speeder seat in the back of the speeder on their way to the nearest spaceport, which was where he’d landed his Jedi fighter. About five minutes into the speeder ride, Leia had started crying, and hadn’t stopped since. This was the furthest apart she and Luke had ever been. He reached out in the Force to try and comfort her, to no avail. 

“Oh dear,” Threepio said, “Mistress Leia sounds most unhappy.”

Artoo beeped a response that Anakain could tell was not very polite. Anakin couldn’t help but grin. Threepio was coming along to fly the speeder back to Varykino, and now wasn’t really the time for his helpful commentary.

Thankfully, the flight to the spaceport was not a long one, and Anakin was able to climb out of the speeder and extract Leia from her seat. “Artoo,” he said, as he cradled a still wailing Leia against his shoulder, “go ahead and get the fighter ready for flight. I’m going to try and settle her down. And Threepio, you can go ahead and head back to Varykino.”

“Yes, sir,” said Threepio. “I do hope you and Mistress Leia have a safe flight back to Coruscant.”

Anakin started walking around the nearly empty starport, bouncing Leia in his arms as he walked. “Come on now, Princess,” he said. “Don’t cry. Everything’s okay.” He heard a beep behind him and found Artoo holding out Leia’s pacifier and smiled gratefully at the astromech. “Thanks, Artoo.” 

He gave the pacifier to Leia, which helped a little, but she continued to sniffle around it, tears still streaking her cheeks. 

He sighed. He and Padmé had been so caught up in how they were feeling about the separation that they hadn’t even considered that either of the twins would have such a strong, immediate reaction. 

“If you cry the whole ten hours, neither of us is going to have much fun,” he muttered. “Not much room in a starfighter.”

He closed his eyes, reaching out to touch her bright, fiery presence in the Force. Everything’s okay, he sent her. He continued to send her waves of calming affirmations until she truly settled down and drifted off to sleep. 

By that point, Artoo had the fighter prepped and ready to go, their two bags stored in a compartment under the cockpit, so Anakin was able to climb carefully up the ladder one handed. He maneuvered his way into the seat, Leia’s sleeping head resting on his shoulder. Getting the harness on with her on his shoulder was a bit of a challenge, but he managed it. 

After quickly comming the Temple to let them know he would be arriving with a new Initiate and comming the starport’s communications tower, they lifted off. Anakin reached out and brushed the minds of his wife and his son, saying one last goodbye, before taking off into the atmosphere to engage the fighter’s hyperspace ring.

--

The sun was setting over the Jedi Temple as Anakin dropped into the atmosphere, the hyperspace ring already disengaged. Leia was asleep again; this time he’d adjusted his seat back so she could sit on his lap and fall asleep leaning back against him. 

Her little antenna of hair brushed his chin when he leaned down to check some of the controls and instruments. 

His little Princess. He’d realized while in hyperspace that he wouldn’t be able to call her that anymore. She wasn’t Leia Skywalker, daughter of Naboo’s favorite Queen any longer. From now on, she was Leia Lars, the daughter of two dead farmers on Naboo. 

He blinked as he looked down at her, sleeping contentedly on his lap. He was approaching the Temple; he couldn’t afford to show emotion now. He had to appease the Council as much as possible if he wanted to remain a Jedi, if he wanted to be able to see his daughter. 

“Jedi Temple traffic, Delta 7B Aethersprite-class 7514Y, landing platform A from the southeast, Temple Precinct.”

He maneuvered the fighter onto the landing platform, and engaged the landing gear. He landed softly enough that Leia didn’t stir, until the cockpit canopy opened with a hiss, and she blinked softly awake. 

He wondered if she would ever fall asleep on his lap like this again.

“Hey now,” he whispered, “go back to sleep.” He stayed seated for another moment, waiting for her to drift back off. She’d only been napping for fifteen minutes or so, and would be cranky if she didn’t sleep longer. 

“I’ll always be your dad,” he whispered to her, suddenly feeling the need to promise her. “I’ll always love you. I’ll always be there for you. You’ll never be alone, Leia,” he swore, as she drifted back off to sleep. 

Once Anakin was certain she was asleep once more, he carefully maneuvered her into the crook of his arm and climbed one handed out of the cockpit and down the ladder onto the landing platform. 

The sun, now directly behind the Temple, radiated bright red and deep purple hues. Anakin looked down at his sleeping daughter. He wondered if she would remember any of this year, deep down somewhere, if she would remember having a family who loved her earnestly and completely and unconditionally. 

Waiting for Anakin on the platform was Master Yoda, Master Windu and a Mirialan Jedi he didn’t recognize.

In that moment, Anakin was a heartbeat away from turning around and running back to his starfighter, and taking his daughter as far away as he could. 

But he didn’t. He kept walking. Didn’t Leia deserve a stable, happy childhood? The Jedi might not be a normal upbringing, but he knew that younglings raised in the Temple had fond memories of their childhoods. And didn’t she deserve to be trained like he had been? She was powerful, both of his children were, he could feel it, and he knew that Obi-Wan and Ahoka had felt it, too. 

And most of all, didn’t she deserve the chance, no matter how far off, to be apart of a family again someday?

He kept walking.

“So, a youngling, you have found?” asked Master Yoda. 

His words stuck in his throat. It was a moment before he could answer. “Yes, Master. An orphan, from Naboo. Strong in the Force.”

“And her name, what is?”

“Leia. Leia Lars,” he said, managing to keep his voice steady. 

“You have done well, Skywalker,” Master Windu said. “Jedi Seminaria will take her down to the crèche.”

The other Jedi, Jedi Seminaria, stepped forward to take Leia from him, to take his daughter away from his arms. He glanced down at Leia, still wearing the flowery patterned play outfit that Padmé had dressed her in at the beginning of the day, still dozing peacefully. 

He passed her over, and she stirred slightly as she left his arms. “I’ll take her down to the crèche,” Jedi Seminaria murmured, bowing to the three of them. The other two Masters bowed slightly to her, and Anakin remembered to follow suit. 

He looked past Master Yoda and Master Windu, watching as Jedi Seminaria walked into the Temple from the landing platform, the reds and purples in the sky around them fading up into the deep indigo of nightfall. 

“You have done well,” Master Windu said after a long moment. “We weren’t totally sure if you would go through with it.”

Anakin didn’t say anything.

“For the best, this is. Only here in the Temple will her full potential, Leia be able to achieve. Even better if her brother was also here, it would be.”

Anakin shook his head. “The Jedi are not the only way.”

“We are the path of the lightside,” Master Windu snapped. “Master Yoda is correct. If anyone as powerful in the Force as Leia Lars is, is going to fulfill her full potential, then the Temple is the best place for her.”

Anakin decided it was better not to argue. Suddenly, he felt too exhausted to say anything, so he just nodded. 

He noticed Obi-Wan walking towards them. “Master Kenobi,” Master Windu greeted him. “Did you need anything?”

Obi-Wan bowed. “No, Masters. I am only here to greet Anakin.”

With that, the other two Masters bowed, and headed back into the Temple.

Obi-Wan looked at him and sighed once the others were further away. “I’m so sorry, Anakin.”

Anakin shook his head, crossing his arms as he started walking the way Obi-Wan had come from. “I feel like I am failing. As a father, for abandoning both of my children. As a Jedi, for loving them and even having a family at all.”

“You’re not abandoning them. None of this was your choice. And you’ll still be in their lives; it’s not as if you’re dropping them off on some backwards planet and running off. You’re trying to do what’s best for them, in very difficult circumstances.” 

Anakin nodded. Obi-Wan was right. He wasn’t abandoning them, and he wasn’t giving up on them. They would all be together, someday.

[just-emotionalistic]

Inquisitor Asks: 6, 20, 36 and 46? :)

Crap I forgot to mention how many inquisitors I've got lol, it took me so long to write all this down ;;;;

From the Inquisitors Asks Meme:

6. Who did they romance and why?

Boithea Lavellan - She romanced Solas, she just felt this...connection to him. Although, she didn't appreciate how anti-Dalish he was, but I like to think they worked it out behind the scenes. Though uh, she has two separate canons that branch off from eachother at one point, one in which she dumps him and maybe tries with someone else (haven't finished it yet though so not sure).

Varadis Lavellan - No-one (yet at least, I haven't finished him, but I'm actually thinking of making him ace/arom).

Mihra Lavellan - ...listen okay I know I'm guilty of being a dumb dumb but Solas again- my reason being isn't attached to canon (she was tranquil, the mark sorta like broke her outta it, Solas was the only one who didn't define her being around her having been tranquil (actively to her knowledge at least)).

Lokhultaar Adaar - Sera, cause they're both absolutely FERAL and Disastor lesbians

Darius Travelyan - Listen, okay, I know, I'm a basic bitch and you can provably already tell who (Dorian, he's super gay, okay)

Thora Bergljot Cadesh - Josephine because Thora is based on me and I'm...heart eyes...for Josephine...

20. Do they trust Morrigan?

Boithea - hhhgh she's 50/50 on it. Not a fan of how Morrigan is so...obnoxious to her when it comes to *her own culture*.

Varadis - Oh he doesn't like her??? At all??? He's a mommas boy and he's so proud of his culture and to have this strange woman suddenly come along and talk down to him about it as if he doesn't know it at all??? Bad!!!

Mihra - she's...not sure, she's rational enough to understand that if she doesn't trust Morrigan then they may not make any progress, but at the same time...she's unsure.

Lokhultaar - Listen, she's gay. Okay kidding, she's a bit...iffy towards mages (with the whole Qunari mage thing), but she goes along with it, making the occasional funny quip here and there, as is expected.

Trevelyan - He'll take allies wherever he can get them. He wouldn't trust her with his life, but she doesn't need to know that.

Thora - Again, based on me, and I'm an idiot, so you KNOW I'd give her my entire trust straight up babey, so yeah she does. (Also because she??? Knows almost nothing about magic and stuff, due to being a dwarf, so.)

36. What was the most difficult choice that had to make?

Boithea - Drinking from the well of sorrows. She knew the implications of basically selling her soul into eternal servitude, however she also didn't trust Morrigan entirely with whatever powers it'd give.

Varadis - The next ruler of Orlais! He has no head for human, especially Orlesian, politics, and the entire time he knew that everything he did or didn't do could lead to a completely different outcome and everyone was riding on him to make the right choice it really stressed him out!!

Mihra - Whether or not to make Cole more real. She didn't want him to lose what he was, but she also wanted him to be safe.

Lokhultaar - She never really had trouble with any choices. Despite her f e r a l nature at heart, she was surprisingly straight to the point and knew exactly what she wanted to do and how she wanted to do it.

Travelyan - Whether or not to save the chargers. He was close with Bull, so obviously he didn't *want* to do it, but on the other hand...possible ties with the Qun?

Thora - Whether or not to banish the Grey Wardens. She was aware that if she did, and a blight happened again, they'd be basically defenseless, but at the same time, they were so easily corrupted...She ended up deciding to not exile them.

46. Which companion/advisor makes them think twice about their choices, if any?

Boithea - She tended to meet her problems with force at the start, but then reading Leliana's and Josephine's reviews of her actions and their suggestions kinda spun her around and started making her try to think harder about her choices.

Varadis - In most cases, he knew his intentions from the start and stuck to them, eventually his companions and advisors learnt that it was better to drop the subject then keep trying.

Mihra - She's always second- guessing herself, prior to the mark she hadn't made a decision for herself for a good few years, and isn't quite sure how to define what choice is the best one. She usually leaves it to her companions and her advisors to choose for her, however she does request they do try to take the most peaceful option, if there is one.

Lokhultaar - Straight forward, force is the only way to get people to listen- until Leliana explains that no, it isn't, and she starts taking input from her less up-front companions when facing a conundrum, but she'll usually still go with her original choice.

Trevelyan - Oh, he'll take advice, but he never really...thinks twice. Usually he's always thinking of the outcome that would be most beneficial to him and trying to figure out how he can reach it, and he'll usually take that path while trying to make it seem like he is taking everyone's advice to heart.

Thora - O H B O Y she uh...yeah...um...she's constantly taking input from everyone and trying to change her methods to suit them but??? It just makes her an absolutely muddled mess of nonsense??? Always doubting her choices and actions and being like "Okay but would [companion/advisor] approve if I did this-" instead of thinking about whether or not she wants to do it.

[varricmancer]

Lost And Found | 2

Pairing: Varric Tethras x OC

Word Count: 3,924

Summary: Instead of the nothingness she had craved, Crystal woke up in the world of Thedas. What had once been merely a story that she loved now seemed very real and she was right in the heart of it all. She soon finds a reason to live again and a love in the arms of someone as quietly broken as her.

Notes: Hey, look! It’s an update! Finding the time to write with an infant around is extremely difficult, but I didn’t want to abandon this story. I have so much of it thought up already in my head and it’s great, it’s just hard getting around to writing it all down lol. Most of my free time these days is spending trying to sneak in naps and showers when my baby is asleep. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this and please let me know how you think it’s going. 

Crystal had been completely lost in her work when a sudden cheer made her jump a little, spilling a bit of green sap across her hand. She was able to save most of the vial, thankfully, corking it and setting it aside before opening her door and peering out.

In the middle of the village was a small crowd of people cheering around a rather disgusting pile of dead rams. She did a quick count; ten, just like in the game. If the village did a good job smoking and curing some of the meat, they’d be able to have plenty to go around for a couple weeks at least. Coupled with the knowledge that The Herald would be clearing the area of danger soon, Crystal was able to take a deep breath, content now that she knew the village would be safe soon. The feeling of constant hunger was something she was never going to forget, and she really hoped to never feel it again.

She stepped outside, quietly shutting her door behind her and strolled towards the back of the crowd. She just wanted to get a peek of everyone before the judgemental stares and demands for her to prove she’s not a demon started.

The Herald turned out to be a human male, and he looked like the default version, meaning this was most likely Maxwell Trevelyan. She spots the dual daggers on his back and grins. He’s a human rogue Inquisitor, probably her most used playthrough. He was smiling gracefully as various people loudly proclaimed their thanks, but she could see the tension in his body, like he was holding himself back from making a run for it.

Cassandra was beautiful. The game certainly did not do her justice in the least. Her face was much more delicate and regal in real life; not even her scars distracted from it. Giles was chatting her up, and Crystal knew he could be a little longwinded at times. Cassandra’s lack of patience with him showed. She could practically see the Disgusted Noise subtitle above her head.

Solas was magnificent in his own way, of course. She hadn’t been sure how she’d feel about meeting him - knowing what she did about him - but there was no overwhelming urge to run for the hills. He was taller and more broad than any of the other Elven people she’d met here, but it was hidden well under the humble clothing he wore. She imagined she only noticed his difference from the others because she knew to look for it. She just hoped she could get him to fix her up before she freaked him out by accidentally letting him know that she was aware of his incredibly stupid plan.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t see through the crowd enough to catch sight of Varric, and no one seemed to be able to hear her whispered excuse me over the excited chatter. She sighed to herself, resigned that she’d have to wait until the crowd calmed down before she’d be able to beg for Solas to heal her. If she knew Giles or Mother Giselle, they’d probably bring the group to her soon enough, for different reasons of course. She snuck one last glance through the crowd and braced to leave when she felt someone stand next to her. 

“It’s always us short ones that get stuck in the back, huh?” 

Crystal bit back her excited grin as recognized the owner of that raspy voice, trying to appear calm and not totally embarrass herself by fangirling. She turned and was surprised to note that she and Varric were nearly eye to eye. He was just a touch shorter than her five feet. However, his dwarven bulk made him seem massive next to her. Just one of his biceps was probably half of her body weight. The only things that saved her from looking like a complete stick next to him were her generous top and bottom. 

She was also surprised how much more handsome he was in real life than in the game. There were slight grey streaks in his dark blonde hair and deep laugh lines around his eyes, showing his age, but he carried it well. His grin was warm, and even if his eyes were obviously cataloging everything about her and trying to figure her out, he gave off a kind air. She smiled shyly back, a blush growing on her cheeks as he continued to study her. She inhaled sharply as she recognized the interest in his eyes and felt an answering flutter in her chest, surprising herself.  

In all of her imaginings over the past few weeks about who she’d feel butterflies around when she met them, never had Varric even occurred to her. Sure, he was one of her favorite characters, but she’d figured she’d take one look at Cullen or Hawke and swoon. Instead, here she was blushing over freaking Varric Tethras, a smooth-talking and romantically unavailable rogue. 

In other words, just her type. You’d think now that she was living a whole new life in a whole new world she’d stop making life so hard for herself. At least this time she had the advantage of knowing he’d break her heart before she answered that spark of interest with one of her own. 

“Varric, there you are. They’ve invited us to eat with them before we leave. Come help me drink that bottle we found earlier...or stay and talk to the pretty little lady. Hello there. I’m Maxwell.” 

The Herald himself was standing in front of Crystal, her blush deepening as his eyes flittered back and forth between her and Varric. He looked her over curiously. 

“I must say, you are the most petite dwarf I’ve ever seen. Are you perhaps Elven blooded?” 

She snorted and grinned. “I’m not a dwarf. Just a very tiny human, I’m afraid,” she answered softly, smiled widening as Maxwell’s cheeks soon sported a blush of his own as he sputtered an apology. 

“Believe it or not, he does this often,” Varric chuckled. 

“It’s true, sadly,” Maxwell sighed wearily. “The first time I met a female Qunari was a disaster. I was just trying to be a gracious host and I asked her if she had her own attendants for her milking or if she needed us to assign some to her.” 

Crystal’s eyebrows rose in shock, a hand trying to contain her laughter. “You didn’t!” 

“I did. My Uncle always told me that the Qunari were related to druffalo, and since I’d never met any I didn’t know he was just being a racist ass. I was only saved from having to fight her because of our ambassador’s skill with words and the fancy new axe I got her.” 

She giggled and waved away any concern. “I promise I don’t require duels or weapons. It’s not the first time my height has been commented on.” 

“You’re the very soul of graciousness, Mistress...I didn’t catch your name.” Maxwell declared with an elaborate bow.

“Crystal,” she answered warily, knowing what was coming. 

“OH! You’re the girl they told us about! You were in the fade like me!” 

“So they tell me.” 

“You don’t remember either?” 

She shrugs, “Not really. I was...in a lake when I was surrounded by a green glow and it pulled me down. The next thing I recall was waking up and being told my arm broke falling out of a rift.” 

“You didn’t get a mark like mine?” 

“No, I’m afraid not.” 

Crystal chewed her lip thoughtfully before squaring her shoulders and blurting out, “I do have...knowledge, however. Um, like bits of insight into future events.” 

“Like a seer?” 

“Not quite. I can’t read minds or tell you what you’ll be doing thirty years from now, but I have some knowledge of past events and some coming events that will impact the inquisition.” 

“That’s incredible. You learned it in the fade?” 

“Uh...I suppose that’s possible. Look, I wasn’t sure that I was going to tell you about it at first, because this whole thing is terrifying. I know if I go with you and help with my knowledge, I’ll be right in the thick of everything, but I know I’ll be safer with you than out here in the wilderness on my own. If you can take me with you to Haven and promise protection then I’ll use what I know to help you succeed.” 

Maxwell nods and rubs his chin in thought, studying her.

“Not to be rude, but how do I know you have any of this foresight and are not simply trying to infiltrate the inquisition?” 

“It’s okay, I wouldn’t believe me either. Do you have a map of the area and maybe something to write with?” 

Maxwell nods and pulls out a weathered map on what she can only assume is some sort of animal skin. She wrinkles her nose and accepts it and the black chunk he hands her that she guesses she’s supposed to write with. She wasn’t very knowledgable about such things, but as long as it worked who cared. 

She lays the map out on a nearby stump, mumbling to herself as she tries to remember all the major points in the area. Unfortunately, there was quite a lot because The Hinterlands was huge, and she was sure there were at least a couple of things she forgot. She handed Maxwell the map with a sheepish grin and a shrug of her shoulders. 

“Alright. I’ve marked all the big events in the Hinterlands for now. First is the easy stuff. When you get to the horsemaster, you’ll learn that wolves have been attacking villagers. I’ve marked the spot on the map where there is a demon controlling them. Take out the demon and the wolves will go back to normal. Avoid the rift to the right of the river. The demons are too high level for you to deal with and they stay in that little corner anyway. You can get back to them later. Also, someone will ask you to find their missing druffalo. Up to you if you want to do that, but it is a good way to get on the people’s good side.” She shrugged but was pleased by the Herald’s expression. They may not believe her, but at least he was listening intently. 

“I’ve also marked the locations of the templar and mage encampments. Taking those out will stop the fighting so the people here will be safer. You’ll come across lots of mini quests along the way, and I’ve marked those as well. It’s up to you how much you want to accomplish now, although I suggest just dealing with the horses and encampments for now. You can always come back.” 

“That’s quite a lot of information, but nothing that someone with good intel and knowledge of the area couldn’t come up with,” Varric says with a tilt to his head, studying her curiously. 

“True. At the very least, I’m hoping this shows that I can be of some use. This alone probably just saved you weeks of drudging around. There’s nothing huge that I need to forewarn you of at the moment.” 

Maxwell frowns. “Why can’t you just write down what you know? We’d pay you for your services and you’d be free to stay here where it seems you have a home?” 

“Several reasons. One, this isn’t my home. Giles has been kind, but I am alone in the middle of the wilderness of a land that I don’t really know, sleeping in a house that is only available because the entire family died. I’d feel safer surrounded by people that my knowledge makes me familiar with. Two, I don’t really think just telling you everything right off would help. I...okay, so when you go into battle you fight as hard as you can because you want to win and protect your companions, correct?” 

Maxwell nodded, eyes trained on her as she explained. 

“Right. Well, would you fight as hard if you knew the outcome beforehand? Or would you go into battle thinking you had this in the bag and there was no point in giving your all?” 

“Potentially changing the outcome and losing or someone dying that shouldn’t have,” Varric rumbled thoughtfully next to her. Leave it to the writer to catch on. 

“Exactly. Everything I’ve read that mentioned having knowledge of the future follows the rule of not telling everyone everything about it so the future doesn’t get changed, and it’s cliche as hell, but it’s a cliche for a reason. I’ll happily tell you what I think would be safe to tell without changing anything, but there are a lot of things that actually depend on choices that you or others make. The fact that I’m even here already changes tons because I’m not supposed to be.” 

“What does that mean?” Maxwell asks with a raised brow. 

“Uh...it means that I already saw the next five years happen but I wasn’t a part of it until that rift threw me into the middle of a land I don’t belong in. That��s already changed a hell of a lot and I don’t know what kind of impact that’s going to have. Everything I know is a series of probabilities that can change based on choices. So while I may hope for one outcome and can try to counsel you to choose it, ultimately you can decide to do something totally different and change the future that I know.” 

“This is all giving me a headache,” Maxwell mumbles, rubbing his forehead. 

Crystal snorts.“Tell me about it.” 

“Basically,” she continues, “I’m one of the good guys and I’ll try to help as much as I can in return for protection. I’m not a fighter, nor do I have magic, so I’m alone and have no real way of keeping safe by myself here. Sounds pathetic, but...” she shrugs, trailing off to observe their faces. Maxwell and Varric both had their eyebrows raised as they silently conversed with a series of nods and expressions. She wouldn’t have thought they’d had enough time to bond enough to pull off that kind of thing, but they seemed to understand each other. 

“Alright, I can’t promise anything right this very moment,” Maxwell states as he crosses his arms. “You are of course welcome to come to Haven. We have all kinds of people just showing up there daily, so that’s not a problem. I believe the Mother is going there herself in a few days, so you could probably travel with her party if you wanted. We were heading over to the horsemaster’s tomorrow, and we’ll take all you’ve told us and the map markers into consideration during our journey. We should be able to get back to the Crossroads in about a week. If you’re still here and your information proved helpful, we’ll discuss taking you with us and talking to the other leaders. How does that sound?” 

Her shoulders drop as she sighs in relief. “Perfectly fair. I’ll probably stay until you guys get back. I don’t relish the thought of traveling with wagons full of sisters and Mother Giselle. They are best dealt with in small doses.” Varric snorts and the two of them share a small smirk. 

“We need you to meet the others in our party, so they know where the info came from. That’s okay, right?” Maxwell asks, already halfway to leaving.  

“As long as you are able to stop Cassandra from coming after me thinking I’m a demon or something.” 

Maxwell groans dramatically. “Ugh. I have experienced that Cassandra and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. No head lopping today.” 

He turns back to the party that had remained behind, yelling loud enough to be heard over the noise of everyone still celebrating. 

“Cassandra, Solas. Could you come here please?” 

They came forward, followed by Giles who had apparently noticed they were headed towards her and decided to take up his role of protector once more. 

He nods politely at Maxwell. “Ah, you found our Crystal. They bullying you, girl?” 

She grins softly, “No, Giles. I’m fine. Thank you.” 

“You’re the one they say came out of a rift as well?” 

Having Solas’s attention on her was terrifying, mostly because of what she knew of him but also a bit because she wasn’t sure what all he could see. 

“I am. Sorry, no mark,” she shrugs, noting his gaze wandering from her hands to any other visible bit of skin. 

“Crystal here has been very helpful and provided us with some information to help with our travels here, and we’ll be taking her to Haven with us when we get back,” Maxwell informs them, patting her shoulder. 

Cassandra studies her with a frown. “Are you certain that is wise? She could be a spy or even possessed.”

“We had plenty of people look her over, and she is just human. I’m afraid we didn’t even think about the possibility of her bein’ a spy. Doubt it though. She’s a good girl,” Giles adds helpfully.

“I’m not, but I’m sure Leliana will be able to figure that out.” 

Cassandra’s gaze sharpened as she stared at Crystal. “How do you know Leliana?” 

“Err, she says she knows things. Like a seer.” Maxwell explains, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. 

“Not like a seer. I’m not magic or whatever. I just...know things.” 

“Did you perhaps converse with anyone whilst you were in the fade?” Solas asks.  

“I don’t remember ever being in the fade. I just remember a green glow then I was here.” 

“Interesting,” Solas nods, his eyes piercing her as though she was a puzzle to solve. Crystal shifted nervously, not enjoying having the undivided attention of Solas on her. At any moment he could decide she was a threat to his plans. 

Giles must have interpreted her slight grimace to be one of pain because he suddenly pointed to Solas. 

“Oy, you with the stick. You can heal?” 

“Yes? I have some healing ability.” 

“Good. Do yer sparkle hands on our wee lass here. She’s been working hard with only one working arm long enough. Oh, and do ye still need help with the ribs too?” 

“Um, they are not as bad anymore. Although I would be very grateful for help with my arm. I...cannot pay you. I have nothing unless you’ll accept some healing potions I’ve made.” 

“Those will be appreciated.” 

“Here, sit lass. Is this going to hurt her?” 

“Not too much. The spell dulls the pain as it works.” 

Giles leads her to a stone step and stands at her side. She shakily begins to try taking off her sling but is surprised when Varric gently pries her hand away and begins untangling the knot himself. She smiles her thanks and relaxes a little as he works. He grimaces at the fading bruising around the wrist once he removes all the wrapping, then hisses in sympathy when she squeaks in pain as he helps to hold her shaking arm out for Solas to work on. 

Solas mutters some words and suddenly a green glow surrounds her arm, the bones rippling under her skin in a way that was both disturbing and fascinating. 

“That’s so weird,” she mumbles. It was like one of those horror movie scenes where someone had bugs or worms moving around under their skin. 

“There. It’s completely healed, but it will still be tender for a few days as you get used to using that arm again.” Solas states as the glow disappears and he backs away. 

Crystal flexes her fingers a few times, amazed that while her arm still felt weak and twinged with pain a little bit, she was still able to freely move it. 

“Thank you, Solas. I appreciate it,” She grinned. Potentially nutball of a God or not, he’d saved her months of recovery time. 

He nodded politely and rejoined his group that had been having their own private conversation while he’d been working, no doubt about her. 

“Does it feel better?” Varric asks, handing her a mug of something. She took a sniff and realized it was some sort of alcohol, but she wasn’t very knowledgeable about the different types out here. Some sort of mead if she had to guess. She shrugs and takes a big gulp, smacking her lips a little as she contemplates the taste. 

“Mmm, yeah. Won’t be able to punch with it for a while, but at least I can stop getting dressed onehanded,” she giggles. 

Varric smirks, “Well if you find that you still need help with that, let me know.” 

“Ah,” she shakes her head playfully, “If only you’d been here to make that offer yesterday. I was so desperate I probably would have taken you up on that.” 

His eyes shined mischievously as he shrugs. “Well, damn my luck.” 

“If you two are done flirting, we need to get going,” Maxwell chuckled as he strode towards them, smirking as Crystal’s blush darkened. 

Varric cleared his throat and stuck his hands into his pockets, stepping away from her a bit. She didn’t really like that, but she understood. 

“I hope you guys stay safe. Remember to take advantage of the spots I marked for setting up camps.” 

Maxwell nodded and grasped her hand, bowing over it slightly. 

“In case your advice proves handy, thank you in advance. We shall see you in a week.” 

Crystal nodded and smiled as he sauntered off to join the rest of his party. Varric takes a few steps before pausing, pulling something out of his pocket and tossing it towards her. She catches it easily in her right hand, light making the object glitter. It was some sort of crystal. She glanced up at him and quirked an eyebrow, wondering he was trying to make some sort of lame pun. 

“Not a joke, I swear,” he chuckles, palms raised. “In case the village gets attacked again while we’re gone, you can call us for help.” 

Oh. It was one of those. She couldn’t remember the name, but she could recall that was how Iron Bull and Dorian communicated in the game. 

“Thank you, Varric. I appreciate it,” She says softly, cradling it to her chest. 

He nods and does a little salute before he joins the others, leaving her to watch them grab their gear and a share of the cooked meat. She tried to convince herself she wasn’t disappointed that he didn’t look back again.  

She sighs and walks towards her hut, shaking her head at her foolishness. She couldn’t believe how easy it was for her to behave like a schoolgirl with a crush around Varric, even when she knew it was a very stupid thing to even think like that. She knew all about Bianca and his unhealthy attachment to her. One stupid girl from another realm or whatever wasn’t going to change anything. 

Besides, she had other things to worry about. Like staying alive. 

[corseque]

I wanted to publish/answer the asks I got because of the bullying thing because they made me emotional and I’m really grateful to you guys. like, genuinely, I was overwhelmed by the support that day, and I’m feeling 100x better about the whole thing now.

Anonymous said:

I’m so sorry you went through that! I haven’t had a tumblr in literal years but after TLJ came out I somehow found your blog through Pinterest and wound up creating a new one because I admired you so much and wanted to follow you lol. Keep doing what you’re doing, and thank you for being so cool and like a beacon of positivity

holy shit, this is such a nice message. ;_; I’m so happy you like my blog, and I hope you have fun. I actively work and concentrate on being positive when sometimes I might not want to be, and I’m not perfect, so I’m glad that it at least comes through in a noticeable way.

morphinepudding said:

Confession: you're the only blog on this hellsite I've been following for years, since it seems we both love scar-faced, emotional, broken men with ominous masks and a soft spot for (not so) vulnerable little birds. I am a silent lurker outside of my art posting but know how much I appreciate your insight, your humor and your tags, and how I audibly squealed when you reblogged my latest piece since your posts were such an inspiration for it. Never let them bring you down.

this message made me burst into tears at my grandma’s house when I got it in my inbox. I adore your art so much, whenever I go to your page I have to like clutch at my heart with the emotions they give me. When I saw your latest piece, I was overwhelmed with like ‘oh my gosh, this is so relevant to my interests, how did they know???’ I genuinely felt like my heart was being read. My posts were an inspiration for it??? oh my god, I thought it was just because of Wayward Jedi’s videos or something and we were mutual fans of the theory ;______________; 

hahah, I’m tearing up again.. good to meet you after so many years

Anonymous said:

As someone whose not a reylo shipper I’ve always loved seeing your analyses of the scenes and what it means for the ship because it makes me happy to see you happy; to see thousand upon thousands of other fans happy. I like to do the same exact thing for my ships (like I’m a fan of finnrey) I can not stand those anti posts about reylo. Literally why on earth am I going to hate something that brings someone else joy and is not causing harm to anyone. I hope you continue loving what you love ♥️

This ask gives me so much hope. This is like, my goal, to just effing talk about stuff that makes me happy and draw people to me who like to talk about the things that make them happy. I actually love following blogs of people just talking about their interests, even if I know nothing about them. I’m glad my posts are a positive and not annoying to you, because I genuinely adore Finnrey. I think it’s literally only that I’m so married to certain extremely specific tropes that made me ship reylo more. And I’m just utterly annoyingly myopic about stuff until I feel like I’ve ‘figured it out.’

Anonymous said:

I love your Reylo metas!! It's a real shame that some in the tumblr Star Wars community are so closed minded and think it's cool to bash and make fun of viewpoints and interpretations that are different than theirs. Your posts are so well thought out and articulate. I am glad you are not deterred by the haters, and wish you well.

Thank you!! It was so fuckin bizarre to me because I don’t even mind being disagreed with. for a minute, I was almost like ‘why didn’t anyone I know tell me politely that I was writing foolishness?’ but then I realized it was all just middle schooler bullshit and bad takes. Thanks so much...

Anonymous said:

This is a fan who loves your blog and meta and interests!!! I’m sorry you have to deal with antis but I think you’ve really touched on something that I relate to in terms of the male characters I’m interested in as a heterosexual in theory but rarely in practice female. We are both interested in raw, emotional, flawed male characters and I think that’s just fine. Screw everyone else and do you! You’re fantastic. Sorry, this is a tired rambling late night ask haha

God, thank you. Like, this whole blog is me trying to figure out why I’m interested in these emotional male characters, especially in terms of my sexuality and gender, and I’m glad the wild stabs in the dark resonated with someone else in any way. “we are both interested in raw, emotional, flawed male characters and I think that’s just fine” BEAUTIFUL, I want ‘’and I think that’s just fine’’ tattooed on me. I feel like I’m constantly thinking ‘it’s not fine’ because this site’s culture gets to me sometimes, and having to shake myself out of it. This site is hell on earth.

Anonymous said:

I saw that stalking post & the bullying post. Someone I used to chat w/ (I left the Solas fandom & Tumblr about 2 years ago) was completely delighted by it & participated.For what it's worth,she is an incredibly miserable person who hates herself, her body, her family, her boyfriend.Everything/everyone. It's nothing about you, it's these sad people who would rather tear others down because it's easier than building themselves into better people who make genuine & sincere connections w/ others.

It makes me uncomfortable to think that someone who knew me from Dragon Age was enjoying this, cause like... man. That’s worse. I thought I had a relatively good reputation, so that’s kind of sad to me. I guess I’m falling for the fallacy of thinking ‘if I behave well enough x won’t happen to me.’ I don’t understand the draw of being so negative, but I hope someday they can self-reflect and figure stuff out.

Anonymous said:

what i don't understand about a lot of antis on this site is why they have to be so mean. look, i have characters i dislike and ships i dislike and if someone asks me about why i dislike them i'll tell them but otherwise why would i actively seek out things i don't like? i stay away. instead people have to mock and act like child bullies. we are just trying to enjoy, they are the miserable ones. don't need to publish this but just want you to know there are people that appreciate you.

Thanks, I have no idea either. I think getting worried and interfering about what other women are doing or interested in sexually is a thing people start doing when they feel powerless in other parts of their lives. The whole thing is pretty transparent because you just don’t see this kind of patronizing moral policing on websites populated by mostly men. Anyway, it always feels nice to have a Holy Crusade to believe in, and feel like you’re protecting children and doing good. Even if you’re not doing anything productive, it still feels great and the rush of moral superiority is addictive.

Anonymous said:

i like the assertions from people that folks use too much freudian stuff in talking about analysis in film and talk about how it's discredited and, ok sure but if people took a few film theory classes they'd find themselves running into freudian theory an awful lot in the context of, well, most films and especially hollywood films. (this is about tlj specifically though)

Yeah, like, it’s deliberately used in symbolism in movies. Full stop. Nothing more to discuss.

reinaben said:

Hey, corseque, you rock and you were right! I'm so happy today I'm bouncing like Adam on that gif. I remember reading some of your posts tagged #shitty wizards after TFA and wondering maybe she likes Kylo Ren? because he is like the shittiest wizard ever. I was so happy when you started posting meta about Star Wars, I still am. Anyway, I'm sorry to bother you and I'm sorry that the antis were assholes. Have a nice day!

Kylo Ren is such a #shitty wizard and I have loved him from day one. It’s just that this website is such a bad one that I was convinced not to post about the boi. Part of the reason why I’ve been posting So Much in like a flood is like... I was censoring myself for 2 years, so there’s a lot to catch up on. Glad you enjoyed my transition to Star Wars <3

[galadrieljones]

Hello. As I've told u, I'm currently struggling a lot with my ongoing chapter. (Context : It's my first fic !) I was wondering whether you had some chapters of the dead season that you absolutely hated, and did you manage to come to terms with it eventually ? Luv u, xo

Hey Amburu!! (*^_^*) xoxo

First of all: Yes, yes, yes. Writing can feel like a struggle sometimes, especially when  just starting out. Part of this is because we just don’t always know what to expect out of our writing process yet, and so we’re often left wondering, “At what point will this start to feel right or finished?” It’s hard to trust ourselves, as writers, and this can be discouraging, but just like with any skill, we can’t get better unless we persevere. I like to think that writing improvement exists like a series of plateaus. It is not incremental. It’s like, you are on one plateau for a really long time, and then one day, you sort of hit critical mass. You’ve written so much, a pattern has struck. You’ve figured something out, even if it is not conscious, and suddenly, you’re just better. This process never ends.

Now, to your question: In terms of the writing process, it can take a long time and a lot of words to hit the point where you feel like you can actually trust your instincts. Or, at least it did for me. In fact, The Dead Season is my first project in which I feel like I’ve actually honed a writing process that works, and I have been writing fiction for a long, long time. Part of my writing process is experiencing a great deal of doubt, at some point in the week, as to whether or not the chapter is going to come together at all. This makes me anxious, as it would many of us, and certain chapters have made me more anxious than others. I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever hated any of my chapters themselves, but there are certainly chapters that have given me a lot of stress and self-doubt, and this is a feeling that I very much dislike.

For example, my early chapters, ie: about 1-7, feel super experimental and are very small. I’m not terribly happy with them by any stretch. But I have, over time, found small things that are working, and things that, in the long run, I actually like very much and would not change. For example, there are some rare, very strange and dark moments in the Fade, and we don’t actually go to the Fade all that often in TDS, so this is good. This is important. There are also some early seeds planted per Solas’s complex friendships with both Sera and Dorian, and Sene and Sera as well, plus Sene and Cole. These are big relationships that I was already investigating early on, and so while those chapters certainly aren’t perfect, I feel good about the fact that this has ALWAYS been a story about friendship, first and foremost, and that’s something I have not forgotten.

I’ve also accepted the fact that I was still new to the story back then and still feeling my way through and figuring out what was to come. So of course my early chapters weren’t going to be as careful and multi-layered as chapters that would come much later. This is a serial piece, which makes it feel, to me, a little like writing for TV, in terms of methodology. It took me a minute to figure out my formula, my process, my characters, but once I did, things started to take shape much more quickly and reliably.

Writing is hard, and it can be a struggle, but that is normal. The most important thing to remember, especially when writing more or less publicly, like for a fandom, is to not compare yourself and your writing to others and their writing. That is a toxic beast that we all fall prey to from time to time, but it will hamper your creativity more than anything. Also, and more practically, a lot of the time, when a chapter is causing problems, it might just be that you need to step back, locate the problem, and solve it in the quickest way possible so that you can move forward. Can’t get a transition to work? Then fuck it. Take the transition out and just put in a page break instead. Writing is sometimes just grunt work. It’s just problem-solving. Getting from point A to point B. The art we read on any brilliant page of any piece of writing we love takes many gruelling drafts to complete. It is a process. No writing comes out perfectly on the first try.

UNDER THE CUT: I go through some specific chapters in TDS that I really struggled with, mostly to give you some concrete perspective on the fact that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in your struggle to bring a chapter together. This is for anyone who’s interested!! (It was no bother and actually very productive!

Chapter 10: Hallelujah

I wrote that entire chapter while sitting on a bar stool at a cafe in my hometown in Wisconsin. I pulled a Patrick Weekes on this chapter, and it was hard, ie:  For all the Fade stuff with Sene and then Sene and Cole, I adapted the meter of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, hence the title. Looking back, it’s a little precious, per my aesthetic, but I’m glad I gave it a try and somehow made it work. It was just a blatant nod to Weekes and his brilliant writing in DA:I.

Chapter 21: It’s Raining in Val Royeaux, Chapter 22 & 23: Man of Faith, Pt. 1 & 2

These chapters were logistical nightmares. This was also my first go at using the stakes and politics of the world, plus a quest in the game, to really propel the plot AND Solas’s character forward. At first, what was so difficult, was navigating Josephine’s plan and introducing the “game” in a way that felt like it was informed by Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts without piggy-backing it completely. This would be an innocent affair. No murder, only sly quips and earning the favor of the Comte and Comtess Berrande. Plus, romance. Also, this whole thing was me building toward Solas’s diplomatic charm, which is HUGE per his history with Mythal, and then I just had to get to that scene with Blackwall like…I had been working toward that scene for weeks. So a lot was at stake. All told this was a LOT of writing, and I had a really bad head cold when I did it, and I was very very worried about these chapters for a LONG time. I still have not gone back to read them. I assume they’re okay?? Lol.

Chapter 25: The Mother We Share

This is the purple chapter, and I still think there is probably TOO MUCH purple and TOO MUCH mother imagery dumped in. This chapter took me FOREVER and was the moment I realized Solas had become too soft, and that he needed a shove in the other direction. So I had to introduce Abelas, and also, at this point, my stuff with Mythal/Flemeth disassociating began to take shape. Bleh. Thinking about this chapter feels like wading in molasses sometimes.

Chapter 30: Dust of My Dust

This chapter was hard, because it was transitional. I had to get us OUT of Crestwood, and Sene and Solas were in two different places, which had never happened before. Sometimes it is SO HARD to just get from one scene to the next. And so in the end, to save myself more pain, I ended up just splitting the chapter up into a couple separate sections and skipping the transition altogether. This was so useful that I ended up using the section format in multiple future chapters and will most certainly do it again. Half of writing is just problem-solving, it turns out.

Chapter 34: The Elves are Asleep

This is the chapter that comes after Sene learns the truth about Solas as an ancient elf, which comes right after he finally tells her about the miscarriage. This chapter was VERY hard, as it starts in the Fade, and then they come back hard to reality. Huge tone shift. Dorian is there, etc. I’m still a little unhappy with this chapter, especially the ending. It was difficult to find the thesis, ie: what is the ultimate goal? I knew it had to be something with Sene’s character, as this is when her flaws and fears truly start to take shape, but I just couldn’t get a grip on the ending. I probably wrote 14 different endings until I finally figured out what her state of mind needed to be and even still, I’m a little unsure, because I just couldn’t mess around with it anymore. I was going nuts. So I just published it and moved on. Moveon.org. Sometimes you just gotta. Bleh. Oh well.

Chapter 36: Hey, Morrigan. Spin me a tale.

THIS CHAPTER KILLED ME. Lol. Looking back, I am actually very pleased with it, but at the time, it was so much that I had to delay publishing, because I just could not get it right. In the end, it just ended up being a series of impressionistic, almost paratactic scenes, all with very oblique titles. Again, problem-solving. Though I love writing like this. It’s totally my wheelhouse. But to earn this kind of thing, I knew I needed to establish a really strong thematic drawstring to unite all the pieces. I had like thirty metaphors going at once with the knitting and the gloves and the hands, and then creating that sense of confusion in the end, between what Solas is experiencing NOW and what he is remembering–that was really fucking hard. This chapter took me two weeks to draft, and I remember publishing it at 2am and then dragging myself to bed like TIS FINALLY COMPLETE.

Chapter 38: Assassins

This chapter was another logistical nightmare. I don’t typically write a ton of consecutive, immediately chronological scenes, or scenes where the tension completely shifts based on real-time action. But in this chapter, I had to locate Sene’s state of mind with Mythal, coordinate the accidental reveal of Solas’s identity, then cue the assassins, trigger Sene’s response, locate Mythal’s state of mind, and then get everyone down to the brig. FFFFFF. Like this is NOT my strength as a writer, and so this chapter was a huge challenge and I feel like I actually learned a lot. Also, I remember I initially wrote past the ending of this chapter by like 2500 words, only later to realize I needed to save all that for later. So yeah. :deep breath: This chapter, in my mind, feels full of sharp knives.

@thevikingwoman, per your interests.