#and im scared of making loud noises and annoying ppl so im bad at practicing

[technofinch]

whoooooo wants to buy me the $60 craigslist violin

[alien-origins]

get to know me, pick some numbers.

since i wanted @kai-aaah to answer all of them i’m doing them too!!! so have fun reading about me! this is a lot ok and i’m sorry for not using big I’s and stuff i’m lazy i know how to spell i promise !!! enjoy 💞💖

1. selfie

you got 2 bc i love myself and the first is before i dyed my hair pink and i looked soft in it!!! the second is me casually 

2. what would you name your future kids? I honestly have no idea, I’ve always sucked at names and when writing short stories i have to look up like “top 1000 american names” and stuff like that. but i really want to name my future puppies nini, rice ball and macklemore :((

3. do you miss anyone? several actually, old friends from middle school I lost contact with, a girl in my class but she’s not a really good person so I’m better without her but I still liked being around her. Then there’s my grandma who’s been gone for a few years now and a friend that took his life this spring.

4. what are you looking forward to? moving away from home and start my life for real. i don’t feel at home or like i’m really alive when i’m at home now and i just want to do my thing! find my own path and so on!

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? kim jongin :((( when he smiles i smile omg my lil sunshine child i love him

6. is it hard for you to get over someone? i think yeah? bc i often overthink stuff i tend to miss old times and i still am getting over the fact i lost some really great friends along the way.

7. what was your life like last year?

i got close to nico, a girl in my class and it was nice because we clicked so well together as friends and she felt secure and i liked that. i liked to have someone that had the same hobbies and look in life. but she got a bf and honestly just stopped talking to me and it’d take weeks for her to reply and she stopped going to school, leaving me by myself and i hated being alone. so i broke things off with her.  i was in a relationship at the time but i was falling out of love but i was so scared of hurting her bc i still liked her, cared for her and i just wanted the best for her and i was not it. and it was not fair to lead her on so i had to break up with her even if i hated it. we’re friends still though so i’m glad.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? all the time! I cry when I get overwhelmed with any emotion, I cry a lot in general.

9. who did you last see in person? my mom!

10. are you good at hiding your feelings? too good, I don’t think anyone really knows or has ever known how I feel. I’m also a skilled lier thanks to my parents.

11. are you listening to music right now? yeah i always am tbh my mom complains about it

12. what is something you want right now? summer and money

13. how do you feel right now? really stressed, i have a lot of school work to do before they set grades on all of us and i was sick for a week and now i have shot ton of presentations to do and work with i’m not ready.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? a month ago???? after meeting up with a guy i hooked up with for a coffee

15. personality description stereotypical aqua without all the drugs i’m a child of god!!!!!!(not at all really) I am the mom friend™, I am a soft little bun and I get scared by literally everything. petty is my middle name and i breathe drama. i want to say i’m pure but with the things i’ve done i’m not allowed into heaven. since my family don’t have that much money i always make sure that i can save as much as possible and i get annoyed when people throw around money and assume i can just do things and ask for money. i like girls and boys(but i still don’t know what’s sexuality i just like soft pretty ppl), like i usually say there’s just too much love in my lil heart!!!! i cry at least twice a week and I wear too big sweaters and shorts that show off half my butt and running shoes. also a lot of caps and chokers.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

a lot of times because of how i was raised and in the environment i was raised in i have troubles speaking about things like that and i bottle up a lot. a lot of things involve my dad or my mom but i’m scared of hurting my mom.

17. opinion on insecurities. i think my insecurities are affects from my past with anorexia and just society portraying a certain kind of look as an ideal that I can’t reach. like i’m constantly worried about how my body looks and some periods i’m full of confidence and love everything about me and some i consider fixing most things with surgery. i’m also bad at expressing emotions and i blame it on being an aqua!!!! i don’t talk much and i don’t like to voice my feelings. it results in a lot of relationships being a little rocky and it makes me insecure about myself.

18. do you miss how things were a year ago? yes and no. it was good then but so much happened during the summer and autumn that was really messy so no.

19. have you ever been to New York? no and idk if i want to go either really. i don’t see the appeal. 

20. what is your favourite song at the moment? 365 so fresh by tripple H 

21. age and birthday? 18 ; february 6th

22. description of crush. i don’t have a crush??? i crush on everyone that show me the slightest little spec of affection honestly 

23. fear(s) never leaving sweden and ending up living here with my husband, a dog and two kids in a villa somewhere in the outskirts of stockholm and going to the alps to ski and to thailand in the winter (literally what all middle class standard™ swedish families do). other than that i’m scared of ghosts and demons and there’s a specific picture that i get a panic attack from just looking at for a second. i hate loud noises and im scared of zombies, war, death, men, the dark, deep oceans, heights and so on. i have a lot of anxiety over death!!

24. height

5′2 when i put it in the cm to feet translation thing (160cm)

25. role model CL; she is a really strong and successful woman that I’ve looked up to since years back! I wrote a speech about her in english class when we were supposed to write about an artist we liked and I got an A on it so I hope she’s proud of me for that and for being myself and following my dreams! 

26. idol(s) exo ofc!! they together with f(x), 2ne1 and red velvet mean a lot to me and i love them hella !!

27. things i hate men, obviously all things bad that are wrong with our society like dictatorship/war/racism/sexism/homophobia but i don’t feel like listing it all up, my dad, cold and snow/ice, not knowing what’s going on in a situation or while planning something, being taken for granted, loud noises, avocado, being sick bc i can’t do yoga or go out on walks, spiders, my school mates and being stressed all the time.

28. i’ll love you if… you buy me fried chicken, you take me o watch the stars by the beach, you back hug me, you talk about astrology with me, you cuddle me!!!, you love me back, you love kim junmyeon, you play with my hair, you tell me about little things that remind me of you and if you take pictures of me spontaneously.

29. favourite film(s) devil wears prada, somewhere only we know, jurassic park(all of them), mean girls???

30. favourite tv show(s) gumball, steven universe, how i met your mother, fresh of the boat aaaand a swedish humour show called solsidan.

31. 3 random facts when i was 8 or 9 i tried to become a mermaid by cutting of some hair skin and a nail, put it in a lil bowl with water and my own blood!!! then put it out under the full moon.

i love cooking and baking and it makes me happy to be in the kitchen and try out new foods from other countries and throw things together that we have at home!

when i was in 6th grade and was out playing with my class (we invented our own game of tag and it was like the hunger games im telling you!! i still love it) and the snow was starting to melt as well. so by my school there was this little mountain/hill that was about 2-33m and not very steep plus there was snow on the ground underneath so me and my friend jumped down. but i got stuck with my foot in the snow and tripped, resulting in me scraping up my right knee rather badly and i have a scar there now.

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? I’d say it’s pretty equal but i levitate more towards girls, I just feel more comfortable around girls.

33. something you want to learn mandarin, I am technically learning it right now but at some point in life it’d be really neat to be fluent! If that doesn’t count I want to learn more about physics.

34. most embarrassing moment I don’t really have one because I think over what I do a lot so i rarely end up in embarrassing moments. but once when i was getting a chai at espresso house (a coffee shop in sweden) the barista said “have a good day” and i said “no thank you” because i thought he was talking about the receipt.

35. favourite subject i reeeeally love history! but we don’t have that anymore so i’d say textile design 3!

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? becoming a fashion designer and show at paris fashion week

buy my mom a nice car and a house on gotland where she can be in the summer and have it just for herself (hopefully she’s left dad by now as well and is happy and can do whatever she wishes to do without him weighting her down!)

seeing the world, my motto is “why live in a world you haven’t seen” and i hope i can see as much of it as possible! i want to move away from sweden and who knows where i end up.

37. favourite actor/actress shit idk i don’t have one???? 

38. favourite comedian(s) they’re all swedish so idk if i should list them up since even if you look it up it’ll all be in swedish plus swedish humor.

39. favourite sport(s) i don’t like watching sports but i’ve been practicing a few since i was a kid! soccer(i was a great goalie but i quit after 2 years when a girl took my spot and i got mad about it), basketball(i was never that great at it and quit after a year), badminton(my fav sport!!!! i was really great and i could have gone far with it but my anxiety stopped me so i quit after 3 years???), jujitsu (i got a green belt and i loved it but again my anxiety got in the way and i quit) and lastly ballet!!( i love ballet and dancing but due to some back issues i can’t do ballet and it sucks). in conclusion badminton is my fav sport!

40. favourite memory oh I guess it gotta be from 9th grade when I was in a exchange program with my french class. 

It was like a few days into my stay at her house in Auriol and my exchange student and I walked around in her neighborhood which was like mostly little houses, grape fields, mountains and long roads.

It was really beautiful just walking around and we talked about some deep stuff like politics and life while the sun was setting and I wore some shorts and a hoodie.

Also on the weekend when she her sister and mom took my down to the coast and took me sightseeing up on some mountains, small villages and then finished it off with 2-set lunch by the ocean!

in general my whole experience being and exchange student for that little week was amazing and france is absolutely beautiful and Angi whom I was staying with was really sweet!

41. relationship status single; i want to be in a relationship but i can’t commit 

42. favourite book(s) in order to live(yeonmi park) I don’t read a lot but this was the last thing i read and it’s really good and i think it’s a book everyone should read, it’s educational and can be a eye opener to what’s going on in the world.

43. favourite song ever this is so hard!!! i don’t really have one i think? i have too much love in my lil heart!!! but i guess it’s between russian roulette, she’s dreaming, free somebody and starlight !

44. age you get mistaken for either it’s like 16 or 20

45. how you found out about your idol i found out abt snsd and listened to gee and oh! and i was so hyped bc i was a really girly girl and it fit me perfectly and then i told a friend about it rather nervously and she was like “you should listen to real kpop” and showed me lolipop with 2ne1 and big bang and i was shook. it was the best thing i had ever heard!! i was with them from debut to them disbanding and i love them a lot, they mean a lot.

46. what my last text message says “yea fuck”

47. turn ons being manhandled, when ppl play with my hair, i get weak when ppl hold/caress my lower back also waist, Yifan, smart ppl, I have a weak spot behind/right under my ears, neat aesthetics and messy make out sessions

48. turn offs dirty talking in swedish, disrespect, non feminists, ugly eyebrows, ppl who are really drunk/high and ppl who are not fresh 

49. where i want to be right now on a beach or in a couch, the sun setting with a glass of wine cuddled up with someone who can be the big spoon and play mindlessly with my hair while we listen to some nice music and just enjoy ourselves.

50. favourite picture of your idol i love it so much :(((

51. starsign aquarius 

52. something i’m talented at embroidery! I want to get better though but I am working with it a lot so I hope I can get really really good and be recognized for it. 

53. 5 things that make me happy summer exo beaches/waves stars random small gifts

54. something thats worrying me at the moment my grades and my body. i work a lot and i have always been a good student but i had a mental breakdown last semester which resulted in depression and two journeys to the ER bc i was so stressed and my heart was feeling weird but there was nothing wrong with it but my mental health was rock bottom so i missed a lot and my assignments were really half assed which means even if i get A’s on the things i did this semester it doesn’t matter bc i will get like C’s in all subjects and it makes me worried. my body is still fucked up and the stress gave physical effects and my left shoulder is somewhat numb and it’s a little scary and sometimes things just don’t feel right.

55. tumblr friends i concider a lot of ppl my friends and it’s gonna be really awkward if you’re like “that hoe’s a stranger lol” pls be kind i’m very sensitive!!!! like if you interact with me once i consider you a friend and i love you i’m sorry it’s your own fault you ain’t escaping this now!!  @honeyixings @sassybookshelf @04gf @crownkingzyx @kai-aaah @princeksoo @joon420 @cuntykai @bulba-suho-r @swaggyt-enthusiast @potchanyoyo @bunmyun

56. favourite food(s) sushi, banh mi, pork buns, moules frittes, anything chicken, watermelon, cornflake fish, soups and salads with goat cheese

57. favourite animal(s) all!!!!  sheep, cats, dogs, rats, bunnies, birds!!!!

58. description of my best friend sweetest girl on the planet that deserves the world even though she doesn’t seem to have realized that yet. she’s clever and ambitious and she works so hard. she’s childish in a way that is lovable and i feel so happy around her and her hugs are gold worth! 

59. why i joined tumblr my sister got a blog and we were into anime back then and all she did was be on timblr so i got one too!