#and im always the most self conscious about the fact that i mostly make like. shippy content

[offorestsongs]

there's so many posts i always want to make but i get too anxious and self conscious so i just. end up not doing it gdjfhd

[tewwor]

——— BASICS ! ♡

NICKNAME : ro, kc, etc.

PRONOUNS : she/they

ZODIAC SIGN : taurus

TAKEN OR SINGLE : taken

——— THREE FACTS ! ♡

i developed a good amount of scar tissue in my ankles back in high school because i kept twisting them so often :) yes, i was a part of cross country / track the entire 4 years :) yes, i did twist both my ankles during running camp :) :)

i have stupid good hearing, and it drives me up a wall to hear things that most of my friends cannot hear. who, coincidentally, are mostly hard of hearing to some degree so it's just over stimulated hell & ear plug city over here ( i am suffering )

i... do have a bachelors in fine arts....... the thought of paint thinner, any paint types, specific smells of cleaning solutions and orange scented oils give me immediate flashbacks to art classes in the most feral way possible. have i put my degree to use professionally? absolutely not. im in accounting, go figure.

——— EXPERIENCE ! ♡

y'all... i have no clue and i'd like to keep it that way. i started rping probably way too early online. was my starting point when spn was at it's peak? yes, please don't bring it up ( cries ). have i met at least 1 lifelong friend that i have, and continue to be, friends with for 10+ years? yes. his parents love me and they're so sweet and he bullies me in game because we both suck at them. anyways, tunglr's a shitshow but writing silly things on here makes it worth it

——— MUSE PREFERENCE ! ♡

for muses i prefer to write? THE silent and wrath filled type ( each one lacks more and more restraint ), Pathetic Man™, that one cartoonish annoying but posh / socialite-esque personality & impeccably dressed figure, himbo and heavy on the dumb aspect, 'i'm so totally normal and not a weird fucked up obscure creature', wet creaturesTM, the 'oh no, i can help! but i will then immediately need help right after!', the 'i just wanna have fun and get random people into the weirdest shit possible' thrill seekers, That One Man That Shall Not Be Named Lest He Appear Like A Dream Paralysis Demon, that one idiotic dog that keeps biting people, sweetest... most uncertain and self-conscious man ever..., and of course - eldritch horror creature dating simTM

for muses i write again? Morally Grey, feral characters with so much backstory it really does wind me, silly......, creatures, just a human in a very supernatural situation, rays of sunshine, mean mfers.., well intentioned but comically comes in at the worst time possible, complex like it's the ny times crossword ( i am very bad at these ), came back Wrong, MisunderstoodTM but for good reason, etc.

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT ! ♡

FLUFF : goes so well with silliness, excellent balm for the soul, love it!

ANGST : bread and butter........ brick and mortar... required for me and my characters to strive... hurts so good, 100/10, always need more

SMUT : just dipping my pinky toe in it! still rather low on the types of threads i get the most consistent muse for, but it's there.... lingering.. waiting.......

PLOT / MEMES : always down for both, but i do tend to hop from one side to another. sometimes my brain favors plots. other times it's all about memes.

tagged by: i stolt it from someone

tagging: EVERYONE. idc if we just became mutuals, or we've been mutuals, i wanna know so tag me.

[ilovejoll]

I WAS SUMMONED TO YOUR BLOG BY MY MUTUAL @uzibrainrot AND OMG I LOVE YOUR MD OC SERIAL DESIGNATION B PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT THEM AGHHHHHHH /NF 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

AAAA TYSMMMM IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY OC, MBAJSBAJBHSA….!!!!!! Also, heckkk yeah ill tell you about them!!!!!! I’ve been dying to talk about B the moment i started writing a story for them LMAOO,,, ofc this will include spoilers lol

B is the tallest disassembly, they’re also the laziest��� they do NOT want to do their job LMAO. They’re probably J’s least favorite because of how lazy they are. They like to sleep, a lot, and when i say a lot i mean ALOT. This is mostly to escape their issues, but its also because they’re always exhausted LOOL… due to not hunting a lot, N usually brings them worker drones to eat so they dont overheat and die, he cares for them a lot !!!!! I wouldn’t call their relationship with J rivalry, but they both DEFINITELY hate each other JAJAJJAJA,,, as for B and V… i ship them,, loll,,, in fact, in my mind they start dating after ep 3!!!

(Here’s a description thing i made for B before drawing them…) Serial Designation B, other known as Bunny or simply just B, is more laid back and simple minded compared to their companions. They really don’t care about most things, and prefer to sit back and watch. They’re lazy, and disobedient (their ass does NOT follow orders from J.) When hunting, it’s common for them to stalk their “prey” before killing, (while this is rare, since they don’t want to do their job and barely hunt 😭) They’re often sarcastic, and rude, (Towards J mainly) and make dead toned jokes at the worst times possible.

In the Mansion days, B used to be quiet, and overly nervous. They were self conscious and hyperactive at times, feeling abnormal being the tallest drone at the time. Despite Tessa’s encouragement to socialize, they were more distant with the other drones, sneaking off during work hours to avoid getting caught in any social situations. They’re easily bully-able, (cough cough, J, cough cough.) and usually get pushed around by the other drones. When they aren’t anxiously running around as a maid, they sneak away to play piano in the library. No one usually ventures in there, so that’s why they like to spent most of their time alone there, playing till their hearts content in secret. That is before N heard them playing one day JSJAHSJA

THATS ALL I REALLY HAVE FOR NOW, if u have anymore specific questions about them, feel free to ask 0D

[dedbuny]

hi :) im bunny and im a chronic maladaptive daydreamer :)

ive been doing it for about eight years now and im curious to see how many others do it too !

my (only moderately depressing) maladaptive daydreaming story/timeline is below the cut, if that interests u at all :) id love to hear urs as well in the notes !

my first memory of maladaptive daydreaming (aside from playing house and stuff as a kid) was in 2014 when i was in sixth grade. my friend and i would pretend to be certain characters throughout the whole school day, even writing the characters’ names on our schoolwork and calling each other by those names. the most common characters were always sam and dean, which is .. something . sometimes it was the 5sos members. then as the years went by the chosen characters changed depending on my hyperfixation at the time.

in grade eight i had moved on to kpop. this is the worst it gets i promise. mostly the same continued, except this year i realized something revolutionary: i could include myself in the daydream ! so i started pretending i was whatever kpop idol i was interested in on any given day’s friend, every day, for the next five to six years. this is where it became an addiction i guess.

grade nine was more of the same but with some drag race girls sprinkled in. grade ten was more of the same but with some video game characters sprinkled in. as those five to six years went by i continued daydreaming about myself and any chosen person or character i liked, except i realized one other extremely important thing: i could also just make up my own characters…..

so i did . technically the first original character i ever made was in eighth grade, named jacob. as much as i’m now trying to slowly distance myself from the maladaptive daydreaming and all the characters that were born from it, jacob really feels like my friend. they’ve evolved with me every step of the way — they’ve gone through a whole appearance change, their personality has changed, their gender and pronouns have changed, their world views have changed, all alongside my own, so it really does feel like i’ve found a lifelong friend who just gets me. and upon realizing that i’m purposefully creating my own blorbos from my mind to perfectly match my needs and wants and behave exactly like i want them to, i started feeling extremely self conscious about it all.

over the last five to six years i’ve created roughly 23 different characters, all with intertwining relationships and backstories and personalities and interests and styles. it’s been really fun actually, to be able to essentially create an entirely made-up friend group and make up their relationships with each other and watch them all grow. the issue lies in the fact that i’m spending more time imagining i’m them and/or imagining i’m with them than i am actually being in reality.

because all these characters behave in the exact ways i want them to and understand me perfectly inside and out, i’ve become much more easy to irritate. i find myself having a much shorter temper with my friends and family. my ocs know what i’m thinking and always have the perfect answer, because they are me. they know what makes me uncomfortable and avoid doing so, because they are me. they never question anything i say or challenge any of my beliefs, because they are me. in other words , uh oh .

this has all made me extremely paranoid, extremely insecure, extremely anxious and extremely depressed. it’s gotten to the point where i don’t really know who i am anymore, because i don’t really feel like i’m the one who has evolved or grown over the years. i feel like a side character to all the ocs i’ve made who are living my life for me. it feels like all my decisions are made by whoever it is i’m daydreaming as in that moment. i’ve had multiple breakdowns due to remembering that none of this world i’ve built in my head is real, and none of it ever will be. but it all feels unbelievably real. and i feel like if i ever stop i’ll be punched in the face with the consequences of letting what is essentially my imaginary friends control my life for six years.

i’ve thought it might be either evolving into or had initially stemmed from schizophrenia or ocd or did or something similar but i don’t even know anymore. right now it just seems like a combination of having autism, depression, severe anxiety, an extremely vivid imagination, and being chronically lonely.

i truly feel like i’m suffering alone here. i know there are other people who maladaptive daydream but i’ve never heard of anyone who does it like me. if anyone reading this understands what im going through i’d love to hear from you !!!!!

if u got this far into reading, thank u for hearing me out :)

love, bunny (...and jay and marcus and darius and veronica and luca and hiroki and minki and advik and hannah and hanna and nayeon and shauna and joslyn and thomas and christian and jack and claire and marion and peter and frances and oskar and felix and frederick and svante and shaelynn and heather and more)

[speculist-rinthi]

5, 10, 25, and 26 for Egg

so the apologies i made last time i answered an ask that's been sitting in my inbox forever? yeah double that for this one lmao im really sorry!! it's been a whole lotta stuff here and i really have not had like. spare time to write this out but these are great questions and im SO GLAD i finally managed to sit down and answer them. thank you and sorry again lol!

5. Their most favorite map/place in general?

Shiverpeaks, specifically Snowden Drifts which is where his family’s homestead was. though he spent a lot of time in Dredgehaunt and Timberline during his mercenary/wandering helper years – this coincided with when the Risen were most active, so they were at the time the areas most in need of extra hands, and he got to know them well as a result. Generally he just has a soft spot for his homelands.

10. What was their lowest point, either during the story or in general?

In general, definitely the death of his family to Jormag-related reasons. Recent blorbo rotations have led me to conclude that Egg should in fact be a tragic DILF, so! Feel free to draw conclusions about what that means r.e. his family being killed! During the story I’m not yet sure what would be his lowest point, but I would bet the Mordremoth campaign just sort of sucked hard for everyone who was there.

25. What are they self conscious about?

HM. I don’t think Egg is much of a self-consciousness guy, he really just gets on with things. I suppose it would mostly be his difficulties in becoming close to people? He would like to be brave enough to open up more easily and make new friends. Despite his struggles with that, he really is ultimately a people person and his self-inflicted amiable distance at the start of the personal story isn’t a very happy place for him to be in.

26. What's their least favorite enemy/enemy type to fight?

Sons of Svanir. He’s absolutely ready to kick their asses when the situation calls for it, but there’s always that pang of like. He wishes it didn’t have to go this way. Like he’s aware of the fact that many of these people are friends of friends, someone’s brother or son, etc. and he hates that such a massive wedge is being driven between norn.

[extravaguk]

sex education 2.0

pairing: college!au, jungkook x reader

summary: "Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah." 

wordcount: 9k

genre: smut - angst(? not rlly - fluff, like tons bc im a slut for fluff

rated: m (duh!2.0)

warnings: alcohol and weed consumption, just jk and tae being bros having bro convos, switch!reader, switch!jk, but mostly dom!jk, dirty talk, glimpses of poorly written bdsm, reader being a jealous and ‘insecure little bitch’ (her words, not mine),slapping (dont worry i tried to make it funny), how i met your mother spoilers (sorry im a gemini i spoil shit), spanking, degradation kink, back at it again with the spit kink, slight anal play, beware!of jungkook being a sweetheart, a lil mean at the end but a sweetheart nontheless.

read sex education here!

Three months of being in an actual commitment with Jeon Jungkook, your brother's partner in crime since the young age of five and, therefore, a common denominator throughout your childhood and teenage years, has proven to you a few things you never knew you would discover about the boy himself: Jeon Jungkook is definitely not what you thought him to be. 

You thought growing up with him would've been enough telltale about everything that made Jungkook be, well, Jungkook. He wasn't as immature as you had believed prior to the beginning of your relationship, he was funnier than you remembered -although maybe you found him funnier now that Taehyung wasn't in the picture to interfere with infantile inside jokes that you never were able to grasp-, and smarter than he had ever let you known before. Although you're sure the main reason his grades had started to improve was solely you and the way you rewarded him by opening your legs everytime he passed an exam. 

But above all, if there was something that had truly surprised you about Jeon Jungkook was the fact that he was truly an absolutely and undeniably softie.  

You loved it. Loved the random scribbled love notes he sometimes left in your backpack before kissing you goodbye to leave for his own class, loved the Spotify playlists he made exclusively just for you -with genres that varied between sappy and romantic and wanting to tear your 'wet ass pussy' in two-, loved the late night texts filled with emojis telling you how much he missed you when both of you were too busy doing assignments and studying to see each other -even if it hadn't even been 48 hours since you last saw each other-. You loved how careful and sweet and thoughtful he was. You really did. 

But.

"Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah." His mouth falls open and you supress a laugh. You really shouldn't be enjoying this so much, but there's something about Jungkook's reaction to his ego being bruised and that terribly adorable pout on his face that just makes your insides tingle with joy. 

"What do you mean? I've had plenty of girls in bed before you, like a whole lot, and none of them have ever called me boring! They loved this adventurous and fun dick, alright? Why do you think-" you raise a brow, scrutinizingly. It still amazes you how with just a simple expression and no words needed, you can make all color from Jungkook's face banish and how quick he is to reach for your hand across his bed. "But I only love youuuu, and you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and my dick like, baby, have I mentioned how head over heels I'm for you?"

"Only like five times today." rolling your eyes again, you pull your hand from his to toy with the peperoni piece on your slice of pizza. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, he was starting to get truly concerned now. You couldn't possibly...?

"Are you not satisfied? I mean, do I not make you feel good or...?" there's clear worry in his voice and that makes you meet his eyes, shaking your head hurriedly. Now it's you who take his hand in yours.  

"No! No, babe. I love sex with you! I love everything you do to me, I love how you treat me, I love how you make me feel. I'm a hundred percent satisfied, I swear, It's just..." you sigh, dropping your gaze to rub slow and reassuring circles to the ink adorning his skin. "All I'm saying is... I may also want to experience what all those girls have experienced with you, y'know... the not so vanilla stuff. But you always seem to be scared to try new things with me, and I don't know if it's because of m-"

"Baby," Jungkooks soft voice calls out to you, removing the pizza box in between the two of you to slide closer to you on the mattress. He craddles your face with his fingers, tilting your chin up to make eye contact with you. "_____, don't say that. I just don't ever want to cross any boundaries. I don't want to hurt you or do anything you might not like or regret later, you know that, right?" placing a small kiss on your lips, you hum in content nodding your head yes.

"I know that." you pull him for another brief kiss, oddly not caring about the faint taste of garlic and spice on them because that's what love will do to you. "But what if I do want you to hurt me? What if I want you to fuck my mouth with no mercy until I cry and slap my face after you've cum all over it while you call me a slut?" you pause, eyes meeting his through your eyelashes. "Or viceversa."

It's not that Jungkook is afraid. Because Jungkook is afraid of nothing in this world. He will murder any spider in his way, he will throw a punch to anyone who denies mint chocolate ice cream as the superior ice cream flavour -and he knows that means he will have to literally fight like the entire population on planet earth-, and he will Rey Mysterio you if you ever discredit or deny his incredible skills playing Overwatch.

Jeon Jungkook prides himself in being fearless in every aspect of his life. Except when it comes to you. 

So yeah, maybe he was a little afraid. Because hearing you use the words 'choke', 'slap' and 'slut' in the same sentence did things to him that he didn't deem possible considering none of you were newbies anymore to intimicy. You have been together for three months, for God's sake, but you still made his cock twitch like the first day and he's sure in twenty years you'll have the exact same effect on him.

He didn't want his most primal instincts to overpower the respect and love he'd harboured for you since you were kids because at the end of the day, one, you were still his best friend's little sister, two, he appreciated you too much to ever cross any lines, and three, as cliché as it sounded, you were nothing compared to the girls he had been with previously. What he feels towards you cannot be compared to anything he had experienced before. 

And fuck, was he in a predicament. Because you made him weak in his knees for you and you were not even aware of it. You were not aware of how badly he has wanted to explore and take things way further, way out of both his and your comfort zones. But he's terrified. He's terrified because all he wants is to to take care of you and what if he fails at the one thing he's swore to himself? What if he lets the darkest side of him consume him and at the same time consume you? What if he does actually hurt you, not just psichologically but also physically?

He would never be able to forgive himself. And neither could Taehyung.

And that, was also tormenting him.

Taehyung seemed fine with the two of you dating -or at least that blow to Jungkook's face seemed to ease things between them-, but Jungkook is not dumb and has felt his best friend slowly distancing himself. 

Sure, they were still best friends and will ever will. Taehyung is loyal to Jungkook and Jungkook is loyal to Taehyung. Has been that way since they were five and that will not change just because Jungkook's caught feelings for his little sister.

But the phonecalls were not as often and not as long as they used to be; in rare occasions Jungkook could sense a certain type of awkwardness between them that really had never happened in their friendship, and sometimes Taehyung's jokes seemed to hold more truth than lightheartedness. 

And to top it all off, Jungkook's dilemma regarding you was eating him alive and, usually he would turn to Taehyung for girl advice, only to later realize he was also frightened of doing that. 

But a Friday night at 2 a.m, Jungkook decides he can't take it anymore. 

"Sup, man." Taehyung's voice answers Jungkook's phone call on the second ring, like he always does. 

"Hey, bro." Jungkook clears his voice, suddenly feeling self conscious. "Are you busy?"

"I don't know," his friend seems to be chewing on what Jungkook bets is red Skittles -yes, only the red ones- because he just knows him too well. "Are you busy still fucking my little sister?" 

Taehyung chuckles at his own joke, but Jungkook doesn't. He knows there's no malice, but he can't help to think there might be. He settles for a sigh. "Yeah." he can hear some shuffling on the other side and the clicking of a computer mouse. Jungkook would also bet he was playing Among Us and he would lie if he said he wasn’t disappointed he hadn't called him to play with him. "Y'know what, it's not even important, I'll just call y-"

"Come on, man. You haven't even laughed at that and you usually laugh at everything I say even when no one else does." Taehyung swirls in his chair, his attention fully focused on his best friend. "Seriously, what's bothering you." Jungkook takes a deep breath, rubbing the side of his face. 

"It's about _____."

"_____? As in, my little sister? Who you're fucking?"  

"Tae, dude-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Go on." Taehyung stiffles a laugh and waits patiently for Jungkook to continue.

"She um... Fuck, I hope this isn't weird, dude. I really do. She wants to like... rough it up in the bedroom, I guess? And I just... I don’t know... I'm terrified dude." There's silence filling the gap between Taehyung and Jungkook and Jungkook almost feels like throwing up. 

"You're coming to me for sex advice... about my little sister?"

"I know, dude but... Who else I'm supossed to talk to? Jimin? Hoseok?" Jungkook sits up on his bed, an ugly knot beginning to form in his stomach. "I mean, you're my best friend," Jungkook swallows again, voice cracking. "...right?"

It's Taehyung's turn to sigh after a few seconds before he replies. "Forever and always, bro." His tone settles Jungkook's uneasiness. There's nothing but honesty in it. "Listen, Guk. I really don't know what kind of advice to give you because, literally, ew. But I do know my sister, and if that's what she wants and she's communicated with you about it, it’s because she trusts you. And I trust you more than anyone in my life. So there you go, man."

Relief washes all over Jungkook's body and he lays back on the bed again, heart not beating as hard as it was a few seconds ago. 

"Thanks, dude." Jungkook smiles. "Sorry for calling you so late."

"No problem, bro." Taehyung smiles as well, swirling his chair back to his computer screen. A weight of his own being lifted. "Among Us next time?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know. Good night, bro."  

Taehyung calls Jungkook's name before he can hang up. "Hey, man?"

"Yeah, man?"

There's a pause between them and then Taehyung speaks. "I love you, man."

Jungkook supresses the threat of tears about to spill because he knows Taehyung would try to bruise his other other eyebrow if he ever found out. Or hug him to death. Or both.

"I love you too, bro."

"This reminds me of the first time you gave me a blowjob." Jungkook chuckles, watching you get down on your knees between his spread thighs, make up free and sporting a similar low messy bun as that time he's mentioning, except this time you're wearing one of his hoodies engulfing your smaller frame. Proof that this time around, you're exclusively his and no one else’s.

"You mean the blowjob of your life." you giggle as you reach out to pull down his sweatpants, deligthed to see he decided on not wearing any underwear. Your spit on the back of your hand and immediately wrap it around the base of his rock hard cock while his own darts out to push the strands falling down your face behind your ear, heart eyes emoji looking down at you looking up at him. 

Your tongue swirls around the tip timidly, swallowing the drop of precum oozing as he sighs heavily and lovingly. "Every blowjob you give me is the blowjob of my life." he unties your hair from the band holding it together because he prefers his fingers to be the hair tie, prefers to be the one to guide the bobbing of your head up and down his dick. 

You hum in appreciation against him, cherry balmed lips wrapping fully around the head of his cock and he hums back. "Love seeing you on your knees for me with your pretty mouth stuffed, fuck." You take him deeper, closing your eyes. 

Your hand moving accordingly to your mouth and your panties already wet, clinging to your folds. It's really not your fault Jungkook is the most delicious eye candy on earth and how fast can the mere sight of him make your pussy lips quiver. You slurp around the head obscenely , a moan of yours mixing with a moan of his. "Hands on your back." 

You obligue, removing your hands and growing excited at the dominating low tone his voice exerts. The grip he has on your hair tightens and controls your motions, pushing you further down his dripping shaft until your nose hits his pubic bone. He holds you there, his own eyes closing shut and his dick twitching insde your mouth. A thrust of his hips make you gag and has one of your hands flying to tap his leg two times, letting him know you were in need for air. 

He releases you, pulling you back until his cock is pulsating in front of you. He looks down at you, both breathless but the difference is you look so messy. Eyes watery, chest moving heavily and saliva leaking from your lips. 

Yeah, there was a reason Jungkook hasn't been like this with you before. The sight of you submitting completely and looking so nasty was too much for him to handle. He might never want to see you any other way than this. 

"Isn't this what you wanted, huh?" the free hand that had been supporting his weight on the matress grasps your face harshly, making you lock eyes with him.

 "I thought you wanted me to choke you with my cock like a little whore?" you nod your head eagerly, unable to form words. Your pussy throbs, prompting you to rub your thighs to get some sort of relief as his thumb smears the spit adorning your lips. You're quick to envelop it in the warmth of your mouth, an involuntary moan leaving your throat. "Such a pretty slut," he lets his cock slap against your cheek, removing his thumb to move his hand back to his previous position. "Open again."

You do, his length entering your mouth again -that you gladly accept- and then he's shoving you down by your hair. "Shit, gonna fuck your mouth so good..." 

And he does, not holding back anymore, his hand thrusting your head along his shaft until your throat tightens around him repeteadly, struggling for breath. But you take it, you take the aggresiveness and the degradation because fuck, you've been waiting for so long to know what this feels like. To have Jungkook be mean and have this type of control and power over you and you're enjoying it a bit too much. 

"F-fuck, I'm gonna cum, leave your mouth open." he releases on your tongue, not able to look away from the image of you with tears falling down your eyes and mouth drenched with him and your spit, some of his cum staining down your chin and the corners of your lips that he gathers with his thumb and pushes back into your mouth. He groans, watching you swallow all of it like a good girl, your tongue grazing around his digit for the remainings, gaze not leaving his. "Let me grab my phone real quick, I need to take a picture of this."

You were definitely not the jealous type.  

You prided yourself on being able to recognize when your behaviours were due to your own insecurities and removing all sorts of feelings of uncertainty from your mind. You never liked toxic patterns or the glamorization of them and your relationship with Jungkook was proof. You knew relationships were supossed to be based on blind trust and faith in your partner and yours definitely reciprocated in the same way. 

"So can anybody tell me why Eunha is basically all over my boyfriend right now?" you wish you could blame your state on Hoseok's weed, who's sitting on the left side of the couch right next to you at the frat party. You really wish you could have an explanation for the way your heart tugged in such a weird way and your stomach swirled dangerously until almost making you nauseous. You really tried to blame your overthinking on the joint you had just passed to your friend. 

You knew it was bound to happen someday, especially considering Jungkook had always been a ladies' man and the kind of attraction from both men and women he was able to manifest, willing or unwillingly. You just never thought it would happen so soon and in such way that made you clench your fists so tight and your nails dig into the palm of your hands so painfully. 

"I mean, they did have like a long fling a few years ago, didn't they?" Seulgi, sitting on your right, chimes in. 

That was true. Longer than most flings Jungkook ever had before you.  

"Yeah, before she dumped him." Hoseok adds.

Your eye twitches and your jaw contracts. Because that, was also true, and it was mostly what was bothering you so much. 

Had it been Jungkook the one to move away from his situationship with Eunha like with most girls, you wouldn't have such a problem with the way she's shamelessly leaning towards him from across the room. Or the way she's twirling a strand of her hair between one of her fingers while battling her lashes. Or the way she's hysterically laughing at whatever he was saying, because your boyfriend was funny, but he was not that funny. 

You were not the jealous type, and Jungkook definitely wasn't giving you any reason to be, because as coquettish as the blonde was being or as provocatively as she was pushing her tits into his arm, he politely keeps his distance and tries to also engage with Jimin in conversation, leaving her pouting. But that wasn't enough to not make you start seriously questioning your feminist ethics right now. 

"Wait, you're not jealous, are you?" Seulgi turns to you, offering you the joint -how long had you been focusing your attention on Jungkook and Eunha to not realize it was your turn again to smoke?-. You take it, hesitating between answering right away or taking a hit before doing that. You were never a good liar. You look between your two friends who are looking back at you with their eyebrows raised.

"I-" you close your mouth and run your fingers through your hair. "Maybe? I don't know what I'm feeling and I don't like it one bit." 

"Aw, babe." Seulgi squeezes your knee, eyes showing you sympathy. "Jealousy is a natural response to any relationship."

"I know..." you take the joint in your hand, taking a long drag before letting the smoke out. "I just don't want to sound like an insecure little bitch!" you whine. "I don't want to be like 'Oh, why would Jeon Jungkook, a God of the Olympus, dare give his attention to a peasant as unworthy as me!?' Like no, he's just a man. A little less mediocre than most but a man nontheless. I'm not going to doubt myself or other women just because he's more beautiful than most, and hotter, and funnier and has a massive co-" you notice you're getting carried away by the look of disgust in Hoseok's face and Seulgi trying to hold back a laugh. 

"Anyways, he's lucky to have me. We're both lucky to have each other but sometimes I feel like I might be the luckiest out of the two. And seeing Eunha looking so pretty and throwing herself at him is triggering me because..." you pause to take a deep breath and lounch back on the couch. "What if he realizes one day that I'm luckier than he is and he could be luckier with someone else?"

There's, ironically, a long silence. Ironically because the sound of Travis Scott making the walls tremble is anything but, until Hoseok speaks.

"I think you feel that way because you still haven't seen how that boy looks at you, _____." and then he motions to the spot from across the room you had been observing for too long, the spot where Jungkook is now glancing at you after noticing your detectable distress, with a frown on his features. 

'You okay?' he mouthes, his fist raising in the air in a thumbs up, questioningly.  

Your heart jerks, and not out of bitterness or envy caused by a girl trying to get your boyfriend's attention. Because his attention is always entirely on you, no matter how many feet are separating the two of you. 

'Yes' you mouth back, with a nod of your head and an encouraging smile that has formed itself on your face. He beams as well at you. Mouthes an 'I love you' and puckers his lips in a flying kiss that makes you giggle. You mimic him, your heart tight against your chest. 

Hoseok is right. You have nothing to worry about.

Jungkook is in love with you. Sometimes, he thinks, he's too in love with you.

"Can't believe I'm letting you do this."

"Can't believe you're such a pussy."

Jungkook huffs in annoyance. He would smack your ass right now if his hands weren't restricted by a scarf of yours he had never seen before to your bedpost. He would also send you a mean look if his eyes weren't covered by the only tie he owned and had so generously lent to you. 

When you mentioned you wanted to try this, he expected you to be in this position. Not the other way around.

He's sprawled on your bed, only his boxers covering him as your legs straddle his waist and you tighten the hold of the scarf around his wrists sternly. He winces and manages an 'Hey!' He knows you're only wearing your panties because he can't feel anything else and he's felt one of your naked tits brushing  his face as you tied him up. He also tried to catch one of your nipples in his mouth as a form of punishment, to no use because you swiftly backed away from his attempt. 

"I've never been a bottom before, this is new for me." he says. He really doesn't mind any of this. He's just not used to it. He knows he'd be lying if he said it didn't turn him on a little bit, even if he'd rather be the one to have you completely unmoving and naked beneath him. Especially now that you're skimming your nails up and down his torso.

"Mm, good to know." your lips follow the path your fingers created, from the center of his chest up, moving steadily and tracing soft kisses over his flesh. 

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle." you croon, dragging your tongue from the pulse of his neck to his earlobe, nails scraping lightly over his left nipple. Jungkook shudders, air sucked in through his teeth as his mouth opens on its own. Taking advantage of this, you place a kiss on the corner of his lips before slipping your tongue inside. 

He answers simultaniously, his own tangling with yours, swallowing each other's moans. Your hips set a slow peace, clothed cad core griding over the length poking between your thighs. His hips move unvoluntarily, trying to find some sort of friction to make up for the fact that his hands are unavailable to knead your ass and pull you closer, if that was even possible.

You separate from him, raising on your knees. Jungkook whines in protest, hips buckling up from the mattress to try to meet yours again.

"Jungkook, I'm serious, stay still!" 

"I take it back." his voice shaky and hands straining against the tight hold the scarf you tied around has on them. "I don't like this. Untie me so I can fuck you, babe." he complains. You sit on his tiny waist, your thighs trying to stop his movements. 

You take a moment to assess him. He looks too beautiful for his own good: hair courtaning his forehead, biceps bulging and abs flexing. You can't see his eyes but you know they might be glassy. You bite your lip to supress a whine of delight. You almost consider doing as he says. Almost. 

But you mantain your ground. Your jealousy from the other night had been crawling slowly from within these past few days and since you couldn't take it out on Jungkook any other way because he really wasn't to blame, you figured you'd try something new to punish him and let some of your supressed anger vanish. 

Twisting your body back to pull down his boxers, not all the way, just enough to have his cock springing free from the confines of the fabric and slapping against your asscheeks.

"Has toxic masculinity seriously polluted your brain so much you can't take this seriously?" you fall forward, one of your hands balancing you beside his head as the other wraps around his neck, a tentative hold not yet to constrict his breathing. 

He gulps, his body's tense and his Adam's apple is prominent under your touch. All he can see is black but he'd do anything to watch your pretty tits bouncing in front of his face. "I don't like this conversation either." he pouts.

"Then why are you so hard?" you grin, holding yourself back from laughing as he hesitates for an answer. You lean closer, mouth against his ear as you whisper. "I'm so wet right now, I could take you just like this. No lubrication at all and my pussy would just swallow your dick." Feeling his girth still between your ass flutter, clearly affected by the sultry tone of your voice. You remove your hand from his neck seeing as he has stopped moving obediently. Reaching back, you slide your panties to the side and align your entrance to the head of his leaking cock. 

"Fuck, baby, please~" Jungkook's pleads fills the air, hips desperately back in motion and sliding just a few inches inside your drenched heat. The warmth envoles him instantly, your pussy pulsates around him and neither of you can't help the in synch groans tearing from your throats. 

"Just the tip" you lick your lips, your voice betraying you as you resist the urge to glide the rest of his lenght inside your quivering core.

"Just the tip, my ass." 

Out of sudden, Jungkook is swiftly lifting his hips from the matress, sinking all the way in. You cry as your body jumps forward, face hidden in the juncture of Jungkook's sweaty neck. His thick cock stretches you out as nice and deep and perfectly as he always does. You mewl. This was not supossed to happen at all.  

"See? This is what you really wanted." you can hear the chuckle threatening to spill from his lips, anger starting to boil inside of you again. 

Regaining a little bit of your lost control, you lift yourself on your trembling knees and sit back again, the tip of his dick hitting your cervix. You groan in unision, placing your hands on the hard planes of his chest and steadying yourself to try to reclaim your dominance. Finding it troublesome, because Jungook is set on having it his own way, his thrusts meeting yours in perfect synch.

You really shouldn't feel your climax approaching so soon but somehow battling for control while bickering with Jungkook is about to send you over the edge and that's making you even more annoyed.

"I swear to God, Jungkook. If you don't stop moving and shut the fuck up..." your murmur through gritted teeth, jaw slackened and eyes fluttering shut.  

"What?" he spats, breathing rugged and voice coarse. "If I don't shut up, you'll wha-"

The sound of a sharp smack echoes inside your room and Jungkook's movements freeze on the spot. His head is turned to the side from the impact, and a faint print of your fingers is adorning his  already stinging cheek. None of you mutter anything for a few seconds, until concerned words start to rush out of you.

"Ohmygod, Jungkook, I-"

"Did you just slap me?" Jungkook is unmoving, his mouth agape and you can picture the incredulous expression his eyes might be oozing. "Baby, what the fuck?!" You're mortified. Your hands cover your mouth and your eyes, wide open, stare down at him although he can't stare at you back.

"Babe, I don't know why I did that, you wouldn't stop talking and I know that's not an excuse but it-" 

"It was fucking hot." a breathy laugh in disbelief leaves his chest. Your forehead creases, hands falling down to your chest to try to steady your incessant heartbeat. His tongue darts between his pearly teeth, a smug smirk on his features. An eyebrow of yours raises as you size him up, the realization that his body is completely motionless now hitting you.

Lurging forward, you pinch his jaw between your fingers, your hips carry on their grinding on their own accord. He releases a raspy moan, your walls clenching around him as another hit strikes his cheek, softer this time. 

"You gonna be good to me?" you mutter against his lips. He nods slowly, his mouth salivating as your hips swirl on top of him. He blindly tries to reattach his mouth to yours, but you dodge him, going for the skin of his clavicle instead. "Can I fuck you slow like this until you're filling me with your cum?" He squirms when he feels you sucking a pretty purple bruise on his flesh, your cunt dropping all the way down his cock, leisurly grinding against his pelvic bone, looking yourself to find some relief to your clit. 

"Ah!" his head tilts back, back slighlt arching as you soothe the mark on his neck with your tongue. "That m-might be s-sooner than you think, babe" he admits timorously, swallowing the lump in his throat, the veins on his neck on full display. 

You sigh in content because, thankfully your orgasm is also closer than he thinks it is. "M-me too-" you gasp, your face buried on his shoulder, letting your fingers brush his ebony hair, nails gently scrapping his scalp as you keep the tortuous movements of your hips against his, his girth hitting that spot just right everytime until you feel the knot in your tummy finally snapping. "C-cum, J-Jungkook, I-m-"

Jungkook doesn't need to be told twice because he has been holding back from it for a while now, not really willing to admit he was enjoying this as much as he was. With a thrust of his own fused with the way your pussy is tightening around him it's enough to send him over the edge, an unpredicted cry emanating from his vocal chords harmonizing with your own, his whole body tensing as your walls milk every single drop of his cum. 

For several minutes you stay just like that. Jungkook's hands still tied, blindfold still on, his mouth still agape as his chest rises and falls until his breathing becomes steady again. And you, on top, your fingers tangled in his dark locks, your breath fanning against his neck and his release dripping down your thighs. You stay like that until your body starts shaking with uncontrollable laughter. 

Jungkook tilts his head towards yours, eyebrows furrowing and eyes still covered.

"What was that noise?" you manage through your giggle fit. "'Aaah!'" You've never made a noise like that before, I can't- it was so funn-"

Even while still being strained and blindfolded and with you making fun of him, a loopsided goofy smirk starts making an appearence on Jungkook's features. 

Fancy dinner parties were never your thing. 

Wearing heels that were too high -specifically to try to match Jungkook's height-, a new expensive dress that you were surely going to return as soon as the event was over because you definitely could not afford it and socializing with Jungkook's clique was definitely not the way you envisioned your Saturday night going. 

At least Jungkook had barely been able to keep his hands for himself at the sight of you wrapped in emerald green silk and lace. But even that couldn't make you feel less uncomfortable and out of place. 

Yugyeom, one of Jungkook's friends, had definitely more money than your boyfriend had previously let you know. Apparently, being a 'lil rich' as Jungkook had mentioned meant booking a luxurious restaurant to hold a dinner party with at least fifty people who looked just as 'lil rich' as Yugyeom's Gucci tuxedo.  

'It'll be alright babe. Yugyeom always insists on celebrating his birthday like it's an Oscar after party. We'll just eat some of that disgusting caviar and then head home to watch Netflix, I swear'. 

And yes, caviar was gross, but so was the fact that Jungkook had failed to mention a certain someone would also be making an appearence. 

After introducing you to a few of his friends and realizing that Mingyu's frendliness and amiability helped you feel more relaxed, he had excused himself to the bathroom, leaving you and his friend to entangle in a heated conversation about How I Met Your Mother's finale season. 

You were thankful for Mingyu's humble nature and easygoing talk for a few minutes until you finally spotted your boyfriend making his way back into the room, stopping in his tracks to acknowledge a group of friends from his class. 

Again, you wouldn't have such a problem with a certain blonde if she would just stop looking at Jungkook with stars in her eyes and pressing her cleavage against him while playing with her hair. It was hard to keep track of your conversation with Mingyu while Eunha was standing right next to your boyfriend and seemingly ogling up at him. It was also hard to not let your mind waver to dangerous territory when you took notice of how disgustingly good they looked together. 

Just two attractive people who would look disgustingly good together. 

Mingyu's voice makes you turn back to him. 

"...I don't know, like, Barney was a womanizer until Robin, you know? He changed for her! They were just perfect for each other, but they had to throw it all away by killing the mother and then making Robin marry Ted? And Barney going back to his old ways?" Mingyu sounds exhasperated and you would laugh and find it cute if your stomach wasn't tugging again in a way that made you regret drinking so much wine so fast. Specially after his last statement.  

"That's what I'm saying." you mumble, turning your attention back to your boyfriend in the crowd.

Jungkook wouldn't go back to his old ways. He loves you. There's nothing to worry about.

But as you watch him start to make his way towards you, you also watch the way Eunha grabs the sleeve of his blazer to pull him back. She leans in, whispers something in his ear to which he just shakes his head, says something that it's impossible to decipher from here you're standing and simply walks in your direction. 

Still, as much as you tried to be neutral and objective and not a 'jealous little bitch', it's almost impossible to hide the sour expression on your face. It's impossible to unclench your jaw throughout the entire evening or lose the too tight grip on your glass of wine. Even when Jungkook whispers in your ear if you're okay, you merely nod yes. You avoid eye contact with him and everytime he tries to slip your hand into his, you dodge him it by wrapping your arms around yourself, claiming how cold it is.

Jungkook is not dumb. 

He know something's up but he's also not stupid enough to cause a scene in public or preassure you into talking. So he settles on wating and being patient. Even as he slips his jacket on your stiff shoulders with pouty lips and his eyebrows drawn together, all he does is press a small kiss to the back of your neck. It takes all power within you to not throw yourself in his arms. 

But as midnight approaches and it's time to leave, you notice a change in Jungkook's behaviour as you say your goodbyes. His hand on your back is not just a soft caress, instead, his fingers pull you closer, dig into your skin as he drags the both of you to where his car is parked. Now it's him who avoids your gaze. His tensed jaw and his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek is a visible indicator that Jungkook is pissed. 

You know his body language as well as he knows yours. And now, as he opens the door of the passanger seat so you can slide in, the guilt and the remorse of acting cold towards him for hours is finally dawning on you. 

"Are you going to tell me now what was that about?" when he closes his own door shut, he doesn't bother to put his seatbelt on. Just grips the steering wheel as he turns to you. 

"I-I don't know what you're t-"

"You don't know what I'm talking about?" he laughs, not a bit of humour in it. "I know scenes like this make you feel uncomfortable but I actually thought everything was going fine. I leave you for five minutes with Mingyu and when I come back, you won't look at me, won't touch me, won't act like I'm your boyfriend. Like I did something wrong. So please, _____, tell me, what's going on?"

You know there's no excuse for the way you acted. You know it's not Jungkook's fault he attracts attention and it most definitely not his fault if an ex of his is still hung up on him. You know it's your own fault and you know you should not try to excuse yourself and fight back. You'd swore to yourself you'd push down any feelings of jealousy deep inside until they disappeared. But something about tonight makes you explode.

"Why was she being all over you?"

Jungkook's face twists in confusion. "What? Who?"

"Eunha! Who the fuck else? She was all over you a few weeks ago at Minghao's party, and she was all over you tonight!" your voice is louder than you would've liked but at this point all you care about is letting it all out.

"This is what all of that was about? Eunha?"

"Yes! I've seen her on campus as well! Always trying to get your attention! I don't care that you have friends in common, but specially tonight, she whispered something to you and she was looking at you like she-"

"Who cares how she looks at me? All you need to care about is how I look at you because the only thing I care about is how you look at me!" Jungkook exclaims, clearly exhausted of this conversation. 

You sink in your seat and look away as the knuckles on his hands turn white from gripping the steering wheel. 

"_____," he calls you gently,  but his voice mantains a stern tone to it. "We don't do jealousy. I thought we were supossed to trust each other blindly. Have I not proved to you how sickenly in love with you I am? Do you not trust me and what I feel?"

"I-... Of course I do. I-just... I don't know. You're right. That was uncalled for." you wrap yourself in the warmth of Junkook's blazer, trying to make his scent wash away any ugly resentment and guilt in your body. 

"Wanna know what she said to me?" a rethorical question, because he was going to tell you anyway. "She asked me if I was going to stay for Yugyeom's after party, way past midnight. Wanna know what I said?" he turns to you. "I said no, I'm spending the night with my girlfriend."

None of you say nothing after that. He just puts his seatbelt on and starts driving. It's not too much of a far drive to his dorm, but the silence and the awkwardness makes it feel so much longer than it should be. You don't remember the last time Jungkook was mad at you. Actually, you don't think Jungkook has ever been mad at you. He loved the banter, loved to tease you, loved being competitive with you. But you had never seen him being avoidant of you. And that feeling tears your heart on the seat of his car.

"Are you mad at me?" you ask, voice barely audible, when the car stops at a red light. His dark eyes meet yours, his face immediately softening as he studies your expression. Then he picks one of your small hands in one of his big ones, brings it to his lips and lightly kisses your knuckles. He communicates with his eyes what he doesn't with words and it's enough to make you feel secure, at least for now.

When you finally arrive at Jungkook's room, he holds the door ope for you and lets you walk in, but he's still unusually quiet. So much so, you start to worry you might have fucked up big time. 

You stand there, not knowing what to do as you watch him sit down on his bed, slipping his shoes and socks off and loosening the tie around his neck. His hair, that was perfectly styled a few hours ago, is now messy by the amount of times his hand has pushed it back. He looks too yummy, and you hate the fact that tension and a little bit of fighting has managed to make him look as delectable. 

You ignore the heat starting to form in your belly because now it's not the time to be horny. Not when you still need to apologize and make things right. He's rolling  the sleeves of his black shirt down his forearms when you decide to speak. 

"Jungkook, I'm very sorry." you start, as you remove his blazer off you and place it on the chair right in front of his desk. "I don't know why I acted the way I did. I dont get easily jealous and I really don't think I am but..." your throat constricts your words for a moment. "The more I love you, the more frightened I get when I think that one day you'll realize I'm better off as your best friend's little sister. I-I dont know what I'd do with myself if that ever happene-"

"Take off your dress." Jungkook's impassive voice and emotionless face startles you and you freeze on your feet. 

"What?"

"Did I stutter?"

His elbows rest on his knees and he's holding your stare with his. His doe eyes lack that free spirited and amusing glint they usually have. He looks bored, scrutinizing you. He's not challenging you. He's commanding you because he knows you will obligue. 

That's why you gulp and slowly slide the straps of your dress down your arms until the fabric pools at your feet. His eyes waver along your naked breasts, nipples perking up like the mere intensity of his gaze is ordering them to. He doesn't make a move and doesn't say anything for a few seconds. He doesn't compliment you like he normally would at the sight of you almost naked in front of him.

His lack of words make you feel insecure, regardless of how turned on you are. You're used to Jungkook being reassuring, you're used to his lighthearted jokes and his playful kisses in the bedroom. But you're not used to Jungkook telling you what to do and keeping his distance while doing so. Your arms move on their own to hide yourself.

"Don't. If you hide from me, I swear to God, _____." he watches you as you let your arms fall back to your sides, your chest moving up and down while you struggle to breathe. You can't deny Jungkook's gruff voice and his eyes studying every bit of skin available to him like he hasn't seen you naked before is not making your underwear stick to your lower lips. 

"JK, I just don't think this is the right moment to-"

"On my lap." your heart skips a bit, a thrill of excitement coursing through your veins.

"Jungkook-"

"I said, get on my lap, face down." he says again, this time slower. One of his eyebrows quirk up. "Or would you rather me drag you myself? Or make you crawl?"

Your eyes widen, and your feet are quick to approach him. Your nipples tingle, your core is throbbing and your cheeks are adorned by a beautiful blush that Jungkook doesn't miss. 

He doesn't move until you're in front of him, just to help you lower yourself on his lap, your cheek and your nipples touching the mattress and your ass up. You close your eyes when Jungkook skims his fingertips over your skin, his carressing relaxing your body until he eases your nerves a bit. He sighs when he notices the way that poor excuse of a thong sticks between your folds as his strong hands massage your buttcheeks. 

He's taking his time, his fingers gliding over your soft skin, his breathing too calm for your liking. Until one palm of his hand collides sharply against your right cheek, sending your body forward. You gasp, the stinging making your body want to pull away. But he's quick to catch both your wrists behind your back, keeping you in place. 

"Jungk-!"

Another smack, this time harder, on the same cheek. 

"Did I give you permission to talk?"  

Smack. This time on the left cheek. Your back arches on its own will, presenting more of your ass to him unwittingly. Your eyes squeezed shut and bite the inside of your cheek as you rub your thighs together. You keep quiet as his hand lands another blow on your ass. 

"That's a good girl. Now," his voice is gentler this time as his hand soothe your reddened cheeks. "do you think what you did tonight was okay?" you say nothing, only a mewl slips past your lips. Another smack. "Answer me."

"No." you lick your lips, anticipating more. 

"Do you think it was funny to pull a stunt like that?" 

Smack.

"N-no!"

"No, it wasn't. Spread your legs for me." you do as you're told and he finally pulls down the drenched piece of lace down your thighs. He leans forward, spreads your cheeks with one hand as he lets a glob of spit fall directly into your lips. He makes you gasp when his fingers start sliding up and down your folds slowly. 

"I've had to put up with this kind of behavour since the day you begged me to fuck this tight, virgin pussy like the little slut you are." you whine, face red as humiliation starts to creep in. Jungkook slips one finger in, pumping it slow and easy. Your hips move to take him deeper.

"I tried to be a gentleman, you know?" he says, adding a second finger. "I've tried to treat you nice and sweet and be the best boyfriend I could be to make you happy and keep you satisfied in every sense of the word." his thumb finds your clit, rubbing tortuous circles. 

"Been compeletely whipped since I kissed you for the first time. Haven't looked at other girls because I just can't when I have everything I want to look at right in front of me." murmuring, he starts to get lost your pussy and how it swallows his fingers and how obscene you look and sound, dripping right on his trousers. He watches his fingers moving in and out, almost hypnotized. "Yet, somehow..." he pulls away. You whimper in protest. 

"Somehow, you still seem to doubt me." His hand smacks your cheek again, wet fingers spreading your essence all over your skin.

"P-please, please." you cry. You miss Jungkook's sadistic smile before he releases the grip on your wrists, still keeping you on his lap. Both his hands spread your cheeks now, and another glob of spit falls right into your asshole. His fingers find your cunt again, easily taking you almost over the edge.

"If you could only look at yourself right now... All spread out for me like a needy whore in heat" his thumb teases your unexplored rim, hesitantly, coating it with his spit and your own arousal. He presses in slowly. You gasp, your body tenses and Jungkook stills his movements immediately. There's silence for a few seconds. 

"Too far? Should I stop?" and there's your Jungkook, concern lacing his voice. His free hand caresses your back, your body relaxing, laying back down obediently. His fingers are still inside you and his thumb is still asking for entrance. He leans forward, placing a small but comforting kiss on the bruised skin of your right asscheek. 

"Go on." you whisper, but he doesn't move right away. This time, it's his own body that tenses momentarely before going back to his tranquil demeanor. He breathes through his noise as his fingers pick up where they left off. 

"Yeah?" you swear you hear him swallow a lump in his throat. "Gonna let me finger this tight little ass like a good slut? Mm?" his thumb slides deeper, slightly stretching you out while his fingers work your pussy in a solid rhythm. "Gonna let me stretch you out little by little until I can open you up with my cock one day?" his movements speed up, fingers sliding out of your cunt to play with your clit and his thumb slowly moving in and out. "You don't wanna talk now? You just want to stay silent while I fuck your ass and-"

And then you're cumming, so unexpected it takes both of you by surprise. Your hands grip onto Jungkook's sheets, your thighs clasp around his hand as you scream his name. He doesn't stop though. He rides you through it, encouraging words mixing with filthy insults that prolong your orgasm until you're squirming beneath him. 

"Shit, baby... My hand is soaked." he mumbles, as he slowly removes his fingers and thumb from you. "You okay?"

You faintly nod your head yes, not able to find words through your dry mouth and your pussy still convulsing. 

"Good. Get on the bed. On your hands and knees." 

You somehow manage to slip from his lap and position yourself as he says. Except your arms and legs are shaking. Although the sound of Jungkook undoing his belt and his hands gripping your hips and bringing you towards him until the head of his dick is at your entrance is enough to make you forget about how tired your body is. You surrender to him, not even bothering to hold yourself up on your arms, your fingers crumbling the sheets and your face buried into the pillow. 

When his cock enters you, a pitiful moan leaves your mouth. His thick lenght slides into your heat, filling you perfectly as he always does. It's a wonder how well he fits inside you. 

"Such a perfect slut for me. Always ready for me to do whatever I want with her, since day one. So tight, so ready. So, so perfect. All mine." he talks as measured as he moves, dragging each word out as his hips find a nice tempo. 

Then he doesn't move for a while with his dick buried between your walls, and you know he's holding himself back. You turn your head slightly to look at him. He catches your eyes instantly. Sees your mascara running down your watery eyes, and your smudged lipstick and your messy hair and then he's giving you that look. That look that lets you know that Jungkook is, indeed, whipped for you. Leaning in, he presses his shirt-covered chest to your sweaty, naked back. His cock dives deeper, not an ounce of space between you as he lovingly kisses your cheek until his mouth finds yours. 

He kisses you hard but soft, tongue meeting yours for the first time since you entered the room. Jungkook is not a man of words. He's silly, and a jokester, and finds it difficult to express how he's feeling. But when he kisses you, or looks at you, when he touches you, or when he makes love to you, even if it's as dirty and filthy as right now, he's always able to transmit exactly what he can't vocally.

He's telling you there's no other place he'd rather be than here, with you. 

When he pulls back, a string of saliva still connecting your lips, his hand moves to the back of your head, fisting your hair in a tight hold that makes you arch your back and desperately moan for him.

"A-and you're mine." you sob.

It's like something snaps inside of him. He growls and suddenly his hips lose control. He nails you against the mattress, his grip on your hair pulling your head back, his lips against your ear as your cunt clenches around his cock. 

"Just yours. All yours." his grunts send shivers down your spine and you're close again, even in the painful and uncomfortable position your body is in. Being at Jungkook's mercy and him being at yours is enough to have you seeing starts.

"This is the only pussy I want wrapped around my cock. Your lips are the only ones I want to kiss. You're the only one I want between my arms." It only takes two flickers of Jungkook's free hand against your nub and his next words to tip you over. "You belong to me, and I belong to you."

You squeal as you come, and Jungkook bites your shoulder to keep himself from doing so as well as he follows shortly. He fills you up with his release,  but he doesn't release you from him. He wraps his arms around your frame, both your bodies becoming soft as he rolls over to one side with your back still pressed to his chest, cock still inside you. His lips find their way to the skin of your shoulder and the back of your neck. His breath fanning your flesh makes you smile.

"That is so not like my sister. I'm telling you, she never gets jealous." Taehyung says over the phone. He's munching on something again and Jungkook would bet all the money in his wallet again he's eating Skittles. Red Skittles. "So, everything cool now?"

"Yeah, man. We just talked it out, you know?" Jungkook's gaze falls on you, laying on your stomach on his bed, laptop iluminating your face, earbuds on and your head moving to whatever music you're listening to. Jungkook would bet all the money in his bank account it's Shape Of My Heart by The Backstreet Boys. Or at least that's what he's been able to guess so far. He was never good at reading lips, specially when trying to guess boybands' lyrics. 

Friday's nights meant late 1990's/early 2000's pop nostalgia for you. It meant shaking his head and spending the following week trying to get Britney and Xtina songs out of his brain for him. Although lately, he hadn't been trying that hard. Jungkook sighs in content, not really trying to cover the fact that he might be looking at you like a starstruck teenager. Which, it was totally fair because that's exactly how he feels about you. "Communication is key, bro."

He keeps watching you until your head perks up and catch him gawking. You smile at him and he smiles back.

"By 'communication is key' you mean you actually fucked my little sister silly right? Bro, I swear, I'll block your numb-"

"Sorry man, gotta go." 

"And now you're gonna fuck her silly again, right? You son of a b-"

Jungkook hangs up just as you take your earbuds off, making his way to you to kiss you silly.

[weirdmageddon]

five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago

i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me

IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.

i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.

if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that

when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.

but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.

i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.

to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example

see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:

even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.

the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”

but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).

and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”

even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”

these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”

dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.

there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.

what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.

and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?

[sunrisefairy]

Cameras and crushes

Pairing: George Weasley x reader

Warning: Alcohol, small mention of death, pure fluffiness 

Summary: Y/N is used to being a background character someone you glaze over but never really notice. But more recently she longed for someone to see her, well she longed for a certain redhead to see her. 

A/N: Wrote this for @theweasleysredhair​​ writing challenge based off the prompt “You remembered?” very proud of this fic so i hope you love it as much as i do. All feedback is welcomed :))))

italics represent a flashback 

Taglist: send me a message if you would like to be added @hufflepuff5972​ @inglourious-imagines​ @klausdatprettyboi​ @georgeweasleyswhre​​

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Y/N is very content with being a background character, she’s quite used to it actually. Growing up with 3 older and much louder brothers she was pretty happy with sticking to the sidelines, letting them be noisy and crazy while she kept to herself. Y/N grew up with mostly boys around her, her mother passed away when she was young. Y/N would always beg her brothers and her dad for stories of her mother, wanting to feel closer to her. Y/N’s dad would fondly retell memories of his beautiful wife, reminiscing on how witty and charismatic she was. He’d mention all the small, quirky things she would do which made him fall hard and fast for her. Y/N longed for that kind of love, she longed for someone to take notice of her in the way her dad did for her mum. Ever since Y/N was a little girl she yearned to be heard and seen but that proved difficult when you’re as shy and quiet as her.

Judging by most of the people in Y/N’s life she seemed to attract the boisterous types, guessing her quiet nature balanced them out. She loved her friends with her entire heart, even if their personalities were the opposite of hers, Y/N wouldn’t change their qualities if she could.

One of her friends, although still lively and vibrant as the others, also had a calm and tranquil side to him. George Weasley. Y/N had only known George for a few years having met at Lee Jordan’s 18th birthday 3 years ago. Somehow that night she had ended up climbing a tree with the tall redhead whom she had only met 30 minutes prior.

“How the hell did you get up to that branch?” Y/N mumbled, trying to figure out how to reach the higher branch where George Weasley was currently sitting, his long legs swinging back and forth as he chuckled at the girl below him.

“I used that branch sticking out there and then swung my leg up to get here.” George points to the branch to the girls left. 

Y/N grunts as she attempts what George said but huffs and pouts her lip feeling defeated, “you forget that I have little legs, unlike you Mr. giraffe.”

George rolls his eyes and stretches his hand out, “try again, I’ll help pull you up.”

Somehow, George manages to pull Y/N up and they sit comfortably next to one another up high in the tree. “There you go little bunny, don’t go falling off now.”

Y/N rolls her eyes at the nickname wishing she had brought her cider up with her feeling very self-conscious and unsure of what to do her shaking hands.

The pair fall into a comfortable silence, watching the party goers below them gathered around a very intoxicated birthday boy chanting as he chugs another beer, “we love to drink with Lee cause Lee is our mate and when we drink with Lee he gets it down in 8…7…”

Their voices drown out as George gently nudges Y/N’s shoulder pulling her attention back to him, “soo, Y/N I hear you’re not much of the talker?”

Y/N blushes hard grateful for the lack of light outside. “No I guess not. Not many are interested in what I have to say.”

George smiles, his eyes not leaving the girl beside him, “well I am. Tell me something.”

Y/N chews on her bottom lip nervously and looks back at the drunk crowd, “like what?”

George shrugs, he didn’t really mind what the conversation was about, he just wanted to hear the pretty girl speak. “I dunno, anything. Tell me about something that makes you happy.”

Y/N racks her brain for something to talk about, her palms getting sweaty from the long silence. Finally, she settles on something that always fills her with joy, her mother.

“Um okay so,” she starts staring at the leaves swaying in the tree, pushing down the anxiety. “Before my mother died she always had this film camera with her, my dad used to joke around saying that she loved this camera more than him,” Y/N chuckles quietly before continuing “She would take photos of the most random things, we have this big box back home filled with all the photos she ever took with that camera.” Y/N pauses, fumbling with her fingers. “I wish we still had the camera. You see after my mum passed, dad had to look after us 4 kids and with only one income coming in, it was pretty tough. For my 12th birthday I reeeaaally wanted a new bike, I’d complained for years that I couldn’t have my brothers old one because it was a gross boy’s bike. So, my dad sold my mums camera to get me a pink one. Kind of wish he didn’t because I would have loved to still have mum’s camera with us.”

Y/N finished and chewed her lip realising speaking about her dead mother probably wasn’t a great conversation piece, but any story of her mother always made her feel warm inside.

George hadn’t taken his eyes off her throughout the whole story, his heart fluttering when her eyes had lit up as she spoke about her mother.

“I’m sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear, it was the first thing that popped into my head.” Y/N mumbled.

George simply shook his head and replied, “you don’t ever have to apologise to me for saying what’s on your mind Y/N. I’ll listen to whatever you have to say.”

For the first time in a while, Y/N felt seen.

Y/N’s phone dings and she pulls it from her pocket to read the message.

-Hey bunny :) so 4 tonight, we’re aiming to get to urs at like 7. does that work for u?

It was from George. Even if she didn’t have his number saved, she’d be able to tell it was from the redhead simply from his choice of nickname. Y/N hated when he called her bunny but George insisted on using the nickname ever since Lee’s 18th mainly because he thought it was cute not that he would tell her that.

Y/N’s heart thumped harder in her chest purely from the fact that George had texted her. Her crush on George had amplified over the years of knowing the boy, feeling both thankful and uneasy at the fact that he had so effortlessly slotted into their tight friendship group mainly because he was always around making Y/N a stuttering mess.

Y/N’s fingers fumble as she types out a response, it was her birthday today and all her friends we’re persistent in throwing her a party. They had agreed to a small gathering at Y/N’s place, Y/N didn’t want them to make such a fuss over it.

-Hey Georgie, 7 is perfect! Cant wait.

-See u then bunny, hope ur ready to get ur drink on ;)

-IDK, after the other weekend I dont think im ready to face alcohol again

-nope! no excuses from u, u only turn 21 once

Y/N chuckles at George’s message and goes back to tidying her house, ready for tonight.

~~~~

As soon as it hits 7pm her friends are barging through her front door lugging drinks.

Each of them greet Y/N giving her a hug and wishing her happy birthday.

“We’ll do presents later, first let’s get some drinks into us!” Angelina cheers as she starts to mix some deadly concoction. Alicia connects her phone to the speaker, the living room filling with music.

Y/N jumps as a voice pipes up from behind her, “happy birthday little bunny.”

She turns facing George as he places a brightly coloured wrapped box on the counter with the other presents. He opens his arms, engulfing her into a giant hug. Y/N wraps her arms around his waist, giving him a tight squeeze, “thanks” she mumbles into his chest before pulling away looking up at his warm eyes. They stare at each other for a second before the moment is broken when Fred places something on Y/N’s head.

“A birthday tiara for the birthday girl” Fred states loudly, Y/N glances at the mirror hanging from the wall on her left sees a plastic silver and pink tiara perched upon her head.

“Oh god,” Y/N mumbles adjusting it slightly.

Lee shouts over the music, drawing everyone’s attention over to him. “Okay everyone, the ever lovely Angie has made us each a questionable looking but delicious drink to start the night. So get your butts over here and let’s get this party started!”

A few hours and many, many drinks later, everyone is huddled in the living room, sitting on the couches watching Y/N open her presents. So far, she had gotten some perfume from Angelina, chocolates and a gorgeous photo frame from Alicia and Fred and Lee had gifted Y/N with a bottle of wine and voucher from the little boutique at the corner of her street. Y/N’s cheeks were hurting from smiling so much and her heart swelled at the sweet gifts her friends had gotten her.

“Okay, only one left,” Alicia says, clapping her hands excitedly.

“Probably the best one,” Fred whispers to Lee.

“Of course it’s going to be the best one you idiot,” Angelina says as a matter of fact, overhearing the two boys.

George, who is sitting to Y/N’s right, hands over the brightly colour box, trying to hide his excitement and nerves. “Here you go Y/N, happy birthday.”

The box feels heavy in Y/N’s grasp as she places it in her lap tearing off the wrapping paper. Y/N glances around, noticing everyone’s eager eyes on her. She sees Angelina nudge Alicia’s side smiling at each other knowingly. Y/N furrow her brows, slightly confused then draws her attention back to the box. She ripped off the paper carefully and uncover a brown box, no hints as to what is inside.

“Oh my god, hurry up and open it the suspense is killing me!” Fred says impatiently, George whacks him across the head telling him to shut up.

Y/N take off the lid and immediately her mouth gapes open finally seeing what’s inside. She shakily lifts the film camera out of the box and hold it so gently as if it’s made of diamonds and gold.

Small tears prick in Y/N’s eyes, shocked and surprised at George’s gift, it looks exactly like the one her mother had.

She manages to squeak out a small, “you remembered?” referring to the first conversation they had 3 years prior.

George has a small smile etched onto his lips. “Of course I did, I remember everything you tell me. I take a lot of pride in knowing everything about you actually.” He says, puffing his chest out proudly.

“Yeah like what?” Y/N cradles the camera in her arms.

“Well,” George starts. “I know that you hate the smell tequila because it reminds you of your 18th when you spent most of the night by the toilet. I know that you can’t sleep if the room is dead quiet. I know that you love buying plants but can never seem to keep them alive. I know you never wear matching socks because you think it’s a fun way to spice up an outfit.” He finishes smugly.

Alicia and Angelina let out a small aww in the background reminding Y/N of the 4 other sets of eyes watching her and George right now.

“Well there’s one thing you don’t know about me.”

“Yeah? What’s that then?” George counters.

Y/N doesn’t know where she musters up the courage from to speak the next words, maybe from the alcohol buzzing through her body or finally being sick of keeping this to herself for the past 3 years. Whatever it may be, she’s rather proud of herself, ignoring the way her stomach churns.

“That I have a huge crush on you.”

She expected George to laugh in her face before rejecting her gently. What Y/N definitely didn’t expect was him to cradle her face in his large hands, pressing a sweet but passionate kiss to her pink lips. She squeaks in surprise before melting into the kiss, gripping onto his shirt tightly, scared he would slip away.

Much to Y/N’s dismay George pulls away from the kiss tucking a strand of her hair back behind her ear, “no I knew that too.”

“Wha-how?” Y/N stutters.

The attention is pulled to Alicia as she begins to speak, “it wasn’t much of a secret babe. Everybody knew you were crushing on George. Can’t believe it took either one of you so long to do something about it.”

“Little Georgie here spent months trying to find that camera for you as a way to confess his undying love for you.” Fred reaches over and ruffles his twin’s hair who shoves him off.

“Yep, we were all so bloody excited for you to open his presents so you two can stop pining over each other.” Lee adds downing the rest of his drink then standing up. “Right, now the two love birds have finally confessed their feelings. Who’s up for a round of beer pong? Reigning champion here has yet to be defeated.”

“You’re on Jordan, that ego of yours has gotten large enough.” Fred challenges, everyone moving over to the table to set up for beer pong. Leaving Y/N and George alone on the couch.

George wraps his lanky arm around Y/N’s shoulder pulling her into his side, “I hope you’re enjoying your birthday bunny.”

Y/N grins widely, playing with her new camera before lifting it up and aiming it at George. “best birthday ever Georgie, thank you.” She squeezes the button down, snapping a picture of George who is staring at her like she’s the only person in the world.

Y/N is very content with being a background character, she’s quite used to it actually. But for once she doesn’t mind being the centre of someone’s undivided attention.

[woahajimes]

How do you picture all of the bat boys? Like do they all have black hair and blue eyes to you? Also, what are your thoughts on Jason having red hair but dying it?

Hey luv <3 You are a literal deity for sending me this ask, just know that. 

- Dick has brown hair, yet a brown so that you think it’s black, but in the sunlight, it looks a very deep shade of brown. You won’t notice unless you’re looking for that specifically. His skin tone to me will always be like this tone, perhaps a little lighter (honestly don’t @ me because i keep reading comics and dick is literally white so my brain just did that thing in which it lets itself be lied to), and he’s been whitewashed for literally 80 years but i stick hard to my idea. His eyes are blue, just blue. Not like... specks of white or green or anything like that. They’re just a blue that he really isn’t conscious of, but it’s also a specific shade of blue (this up to your own imagination), yet not enough so you can name it, but enough so you can recognize it. Anywhere.  To me, Dick has dimples. I just know this. Also vvv nice eyebrows and eyelashes. I would literally sell my soul to have Dick’s eyelashes. 

- I still can’t decide on Jason. I just can’t do it. On one side, there’s blond jason todd that was also from the circus or something like that, and he’s from the 80s and pre-crisis (whatever that means) and a writer admitted that he forgot that jason’s hair color so really this is a whole mess. And Red-haired Jason is a gorgeous idea! But if anything were to be, I’d say that Jason has red hair, but it tilts more into the auburn side. Like bart’s hair color, but a bit more red. Yet I canon Jason with naturally black hair, this literally black and pitch black over and over, perhaps once brown then dyed???? and then maybe with the lazarus something happened and... I don’t know. Honestly. But Jason with black hair is what I lean onto, so that. 

There’s also the white strip of hair. At first I was thinking it came from stress, because it happens, but then everyone went with lazarus and stuff, so i just shut up. And honestly the white strip i headcanon it to be really faint at first, like whatever happened in the lazarus, and jason used to be super self-conscious about it, because people would look at him like just one more freak that came back from the dead (don’t ask me who becaus i won’t know what to tell you). So he was on his way to get hair dye (the confectionery’s store iykyk), to cover it up, and he was checking out the things, with the hood of his jacket covering it up, and the girl behind the counter, probably the daughter of the owner, or someone (she didn’t look a day beyond 13), she made this comment on how cool Jason’s hair was and why he didn’t accentutate it more (with bleach). And this lifted Jason’s spirit, so he go the bleach, even though he just assumed that the girl was making propaganda for the bleach (which cost more than the hair dye).  So anyways, that’s my headcanon on the white strip of hair, and I just think that the little comment that made him change his mind, just changed a lot of things for him, and with accentuating the white strip of hair, Jason started accepting who he was and stuff. 

His eyes (to me) will be blue. I have this headcanon in which pre-death, Jason had birth marks and moles, his lips parted when he relaxed, his nose lost the delicate shape it used to have. He had a mole (as i just mentioned) right above his lip, on the left side, and he had more across his back and shoulders. He had birthmarks (one on his thumb and another in his inner thigh), and multiple scars across his body. But these scars are completely and utterly... domestic. Toying around with the stapler, stapling both his fingers together at age 4, falling off the bike at age 6, a dog bite in the right ear (he also had cigarette burns in his arms, in the back of his neck as well, but that’s something for another day). Although his eyes. His eyes aren’t what they used to be. They were always blue, and they still are, but it’s a different blue. Before the j*ker happened, Jason’s eyes were a speckless blue, an innocent one. And then they turned a dark blue, and I don’t wanna say what everyone says, but jason having specks of green (and white) in the originally blue irises of his eyes is just a really cool concept. The green, of course, for the connective tissues and muscle fibers that the lazarus was able to stitch up. The white for the ones that the lazarus wasn’t able to complete (for whatever reason). They were just left blank. Note that you can’t see it, not unless you’re paying ridiculously close attention to Jason’s eyes. 

- Tim Drake is pretty. That’s all. In my head, he will always have freckles. Always. Not like freckles, freckles, not by like genetics or anything, but by the sun. Tim Drake (as all the batboys, but they don’t have freckles, except for Dick when i feel like it) spends a lot of time under the sun. I know there’s the whole idea of fandom in which he’s ‘dead inside’ and has huuuge bags under his eyes and barely sleeps and always spends time inside with his laptop and drinking coffee. And I mean, sure, Tim Drake might get little sleep, but he also screams off he vibes of a guy that is really hyper when with friends, but in a more subtle way. Tim Drake is just... i mean he’s like that. I don’t picture him as closed off, or monotonic. So he probably, yes, stays up all day and all night, gets like three hours worth of sleep, and then just vibes and goofs (when with friends) all day long. He is this professional hoe but that’s for another day. 

His hair’s got the middle part going on, which used to be short, then grew and that was that. He didn’t bother to cut it, only to realize that he actually liked it like that. When he showers, it’s like... to his chin. The front strands. You know what i mean?

His eyes are an icy blue. All blue, not specks of anything. But it’s a light blue, and from far it looks grayish. 

Tim also has beautiful eyelashes write that down.

- I’ll have to admit, I don’t think often about Damian’s appereance. The thing i have thought about most are his eyes. Like.... They’re green, but the only explanation to that is the lazarus (now, i know that there are versions of talia in which her eyes are green, and yeah that could come from anywhere in the family tree, but i’ll stick with brown because i’ve seen it mostly in brown so). And you’re probably tired of hearing me talk about the lazarus, but i have this headcanon in which, you know, Talia’s been in the lazarus so many times, and that affected her bloodstream, or something like that, and that came into play when Damian was born. But his eyes were still brown, but he had the connective tissues and muscle fibers and everything else that makes the iris, and the first time that Damian came into contact with the waters of the lazarus, they... activated, per se. And his eyes were green, time by time that he came in contact with such.  And besides that, I swear to you that i haven’t thought about much else.

I wanted to write this part on duke, but then i realized that i don’t know that much on him, and as im learning, I’m just exploring the canon facts of his character, and haven’t actually given much thoughts onto other aspects, so if you guys have any headcanons about duke’s appereance (or any other batboys’, really), feel totally free to share them!

[pyrefell]

Helllo!!! I’m loving your headcanons so far!!!

Do you have any general personalities descriptions for your boys yet?

a of all, bsdaifjkbfjkowp thank you!!! b of all, im sorry this took so long?? i rewrote it like 3 times & it still might change bc im indecisive. also it turned into a lil bit of a headcanon post. i hope its understandable?

once again i am struck with the fact that the boys need nicknames. hmm.

UNDERTALE:

Sans: Guy who is deliberately and unabashedly Cringe. Overall, fairly laid back. However, he still prefers to maintain distance between himself and most people. It was already a natural facet of his personality but it was exacerbated by the Timeline Jank. People tend to forget he’s as smart as he is, they don’t think he’s stupid, they just mostly know that funnyman side of him. If you're a dick to Papyrus, he's gonna be a dick to you.  

Papyrus: Things are so exciting and fascinating to him, even the most mundane things. Despite seeming completely oblivious to things that seem completely obvious, he's very smart and deceptively cunning. Even though he knows how people see him (a big loud child) and he doesn't get quite the reception his brother does, he knows he'll win them over one day! He tries to avoid thinking about how lonely he actually is. It’s fine. He knows Sans is dealing with something (he won’t tell him what) but he figures he doesn’t need much else on his plate.

UNDERSWAP:

Sans: In this post, I mentioned that he's kind of always naturally been the more outgoing brother and that he's taken on this much more outgoing and bubbly persona as a result of the impact the timelines have had on him. He's competitive in a more aggressive way (maybe not quite the right word to use but), by which I mean he's kind of a sore loser sometimes. Also? He's a huge flirt, he's pretty skilled in the art of flustering.

Papyrus: Also in this post, I said that he's pretty chill until the conversation turns to something he's passionate about, then he reaches True Papyrus Volume Levels (and Chaos Levels). He is fairly relaxed, yes, but part of it is compensating for how awkward he can be. He gets embarrassed really easy, even something as small as misunderstanding something that was said. However! He’s a pretty popular artist online! Though he uses a pseudonym, being recognized and talked to by a stranger in public is not something he would look forward to.

UNDERFELL:

Sans: He’s cruel and crude, that’s kind of his whole thing. He’s not really the best at keeping a hold on his temper (though there’s a few other factors at play there). Keeping up the whole tough guy persona is the number one priority thus he doesn’t deal much with his emotions or inner turmoil or any of that other crap. Like US!Sans, he’s a flirt, except his flirting is mostly crude comments and jokes. And yet, somehow it works? Guy who is a disaster. He’s oddly nostalgic, mostly about his relationship with Papyrus. He wishes he could have been a better brother, but it seems like their relationship is too far gone.

Papyrus: He also doesn’t have the best control of his temper but he has an image to keep, one of a cruel and cold Royal Guard Captain. He didn’t used to be like this, but it’s necessary for his survival. He’s still surprisingly empathetic, something that could never really be beat out of him. HUGE perfectionist nearly to the point of it being debilitating. He oscillates between hating how weak he is and desperately wanting to be able to be weak. While he acts prideful about his ‘work’ int the Royal Guard, he is genuinely prideful about things like his cooking. Often to the point of arrogance.

SWAPFELL:

Sans: He’s seen as very cold and calculating, well-spoken. But he also knows when and how to turn on the charm. That’s how he’s even made it this far in life, it’s vital to his survival. He can also be very prideful, particularly in his position as Queen Toriel’s right hand and in his ability to remain cool in high stress situations. He’s well aware of how overprotective he is with Papyrus, he’s terrified of how cruel the world is and terrified that he’s stunted him to the point of not being able to cope with it.

Papyrus: He’s deathly shy. If it were safe/a good idea to use his own brand of shortcuts to get out of situations, by god would he. He, like his non-Fell counterpart, thrives in the relative anonymity of being online. Past that barrier of shyness, he’s excitable and surprisingly jovial. He tries to find some reason to be at least content, he thinks it helps Sans worry less (even if it doesn’t really). He’s actually pretty mischievous, though only dares to pull pranks on his brother.

HORRORTALE:

Sans: Horribly cynical and jaded. He’s working on it, even if he doesn’t particularly want to sometimes. He’s not home, so to speak, most of the time. He’s easily frustrated by the gaps in his memory, then he forgets why he’s frustrated and gets even more upset. He’s naturally very wary of everyone else and again, very much prefers to keep distance between himself and most everyone he comes into contact with.

Papyrus: He definitely tries to hide everything behind a happy demeanor, he tries to fix everything for just about anyone (especially his brother) without any fuss and tries to make it seem like he’s totally fine. There’s also this sense of jadedness, he tries to curb it but sometimes it still slips out. He still tries to act like himself, like he’d been before the Famine, but it’s exhausting and he’ll eventually come to terms with the fact that he’s no longer the same.

HORRORSWAP:

Sans: His competitive nature has morphed more into him being more of an aggressive hothead (though not quite to the level of UF!Sans). He’s really self-conscious about his new stutter and bringing it up frustrates him the same way treating him like a child had before. He has terrible mood swings, he can ruin his own day over nothing and it kills him. He’s really trying to get better, but he still has a hard time being honest with people.

Papyrus: He’s gotten pretty cynical since the Famine, he puts part of the blame on himself (if only he'd just been brave for once), even though he knows there's not really a whole lot he could have done. He’s even quieter than he used to be, he’d prefer if he could just fade into the background. He hates how much he stands out in any crowd and tries to avoid going out at all costs. The only one who can get him out is Sans because at least they can ignore everyone else and concern themselves with each other.

HORRORFELL:

Sans: He’s...mean. Like. He tends to be a major jackass. He can’t help but think well, humans aren’t exactly gonna wanna know a monster, much less him. And hey! Might just help keep his newly expanded family safe! He ain’t complainin’! He’s really just bitter about how things have gone for him and his brother (and about how things will likely go in the future). For as many dark jokes he makes to Frisk and Aliza, he’d be the first one to come to their rescue, he’s just that kind of friend.

Papyrus: He’s fairly quiet these days, but don’t think he’s not going to find some way to give you some kind of attitude. He’s been putting a lot of work into taming his anger, which is no small task considering everything. He still has his moments, but he prides himself in being able to cool off and keep himself somewhat calm. He still hasn’t been able to do much about his perfectionism, in fact it’s gotten worse, but he’s trying. And he, like his brother, is extremely protective of his little family, and god help anyone who dares try anything.

A B-Bonus????

UF!Comic Papyrus: (he’s the only one with a nickname...lol) Reggie here struggles a lot with who he is as a person, is he more Sans? More Papyrus? An even 50/50? Or is he someone else entirely? He’s introspective and hyper aware of his mannerisms, particularity in the ones he deems too Sans-like or too Papyrus-like. He’s not exactly the nicest, partially as a mechanism to keep people away (it’s just...easier that way). Reggie keeps to himself most of the time. He’s not shy though, he’s more than willing to speak his mind, even if it comes out more crass than it was intended.

[herotome]

Story time anon, it's you!!!

I hope you don't mind me putting the rest of your message under a cut like last time (context for folks who are popping in with no context) but you know I'll read every single word!

If you need a distraction I have another story and I guess, a lesson? Same as before, most people already know this is a stupid thing 😂

Growing up as a teenager, It was difficult getting me to eat actual food. Many people used to make off handed comments about my weight and it was just inconsistent enough for it to be " kids fancy me, not bullying" we've all heard that saying, as dumb as it is. I would go to bed hungry and wake up to go running so I didnt have to eat breakfast. (This isnt the lesson but if this gunna be on your feed I thought that I should mention that I'm older now, size 14 at 4'10 and IM SEXY AS FUCK, your body is nobody else's business but your own! Dont let someone nosey dictate how you feel about your body!)

Anyway, massively digressed, there was one item that I would always eat ( because I could never resist xD) and that was Ben&Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream✨

So growing up,and since then, it's one of my favourites! Which leads me to the night before my birthday...

My mum had brought me ice cream, and me being the clever (sarcasm, very stupid actually) individual I am, I said "you know what's better than ice cream? MILKSHAKE"

Which, hey, wasnt the bad idea here! The bad idea was instead of actually MAKING a milkshake with my fave ice cream, I decided to let it MELT!

Yes, you heard me!! I DRANK MELTED ICE CREAM ( I cant lie, it tasted bomb!) And with that, I went to bed so I could have a fun birthday.

Turns out I had doomed myself, and since you saw my other story time, you might think this sounds familiar and you're right!

I was no longer able to actually have a fun birthday because, folks, melted ice cream made me poop my bed...

Yeah, from my story times, I'm painting myself as someone who really cant control their body at all xD

.. if you're wondering about my perfect partner....he was there for this douche as well😭😂

Anyway, lesson is eat whatever you want you sexy mofos but NOT MELTED ICE CREAM, have some more self respect for yourself then I did😂😂

What!!!!! Okay I did not actually know this lesson, in fact mostly melted is my preferred method of consuming ice cream... I--I guess I'll be careful...! (Maybe it's a cookie dough specific thing, rather than an ice cream specific thing?)

Funny story I've had difficulty in the past with eating as well, but a lot of the remarks came from grown ass adults in an office setting. >:\ It was never malicious, never anything I'd report to HR, but like... enough to make a person self-conscious about what they've chosen to eat in public, which is never okay. I should have told them how it made me feel and asked them to stop.

Anyway, I empathize!! I'm glad you have a better relationship with food, I do as well. :) Granted I do forget to eat when I focus too much on work, but I'm trying my best to... not forget! Haha!

[burnedbyshoto]

Can I request a self conscious chubby Shouto? Reader gives him kisses on his tummy and reassures him about his weight?

tw: shouto has poor body image, fluff, angsty

shouto had been hospitalized for five months.

after what was most definitely the most horrific villain attack seen on live tv against only one hero, the doctors never shut up about how he was lucky to have won, how lucky he was to be alive. it was far after the days that recovery girl had passed, and with no healing quirk having matched her ability it had been a long five months in hospice care.

he had spent one month in a coma and the next four just healing. it had been a hard four months, his body almost refusing to move, black and yellow bruises covered his body still, and the diet... the diet they had him on was one that was supposed to help him gain weight. it was to help with his healing and aid with the muscle gain he was going to need in order to be where he once was - he understood that and he appreciated the doctors doing what was best for him but he didn’t understand how he went from his strong, toned, and lithe form to one with flappy arms, pooling thighs, and a tummy so large he couldn’t see his toes without leaning forward. he never thought he would hate that he couldn’t see his jawline anymore, that he could hate that he couldn’t sit up without feeling his stomach, hate that he was so hungry all the time. he hated that he was so... he was so—

“welcome home!” you cheered merrily, guiding shouto back into the house that had been without his presence for almost half a year.

he tried to focus on you and only you, your mindless babble about how you had learned how to make cold soba noodles for him while he was in the hospital (although you made sure to insist that they weren’t that good so to not get his hopes up, but shouto was tittering on being excited and nauseous at the thought of having endless cold soba), how you had temporarily moved the master bedroom into the closest room to the front door and kitchen just in case he wasn’t ready to move that much, how you had accidentally broken the sliding door but had his brother come and fix it for you, and of course just how happy and grateful you were that he was out. shouto tried to stay engaged but he could feel the eyes scorching on his back, the nosy neighbors and paparazzi who wanted the first pictures of him since his release.

he hated this, he hated his body right now, and their judgmental gaze burned him from the inside out. for over twenty years of his life he had never been without muscle on his body and now... now he was... he was—

“watch your step, you’re been limping again, I don’t want you to trip,” came your gentle voice, your foot planted on the stair and the other on the floor as if to support him in case he fell. like you could keep him upwards if he did, he bitterly thought.

regardless, shouto gave you a gracious half smile and carried through, stepping up to the stair and flinching when he felt that skin he was still starkly unfamiliar with move. but the moment the front door closed behind the both of you, shouto felt empty.

the rest of the day was filled with shouto adjusting to the house once more. adjusting to the way the floors creaked under his feet, of how you always waited for him to enter through the doorways instead of attempting to go through them with him, of how you lingered behind him with conscious eyes and nervous fingers. he knew you were worried, it was as obvious as the sun during a summer heat wave, but it offered him no comfort... it only made him feel worse, made him graze his fingers against his... his...

“why don’t you take a shower?” you suggest, your hands grabbing the dishes on the table. you had made soup, he was still to be on a mostly liquid diet until next week. “I bet this has been exhausting, and if you shower then I can shower and we can sleep early tonight!”

shouto strained a smile again, his tongue still failing to speak. he hasn’t spoken a word in weeks, but you never seemed to grow angry at his lack of words thankfully. his eyes fluttered close when you leaned across the table and pressed a kiss to his cheek, his body shivering both at the familiar contact that he loved and the aching pain that continued to be suppressed.

showering nearly killed him.

feeling the way that his body now worked within the confines of the small room made his head spin. he hated that he couldn’t merely twist his body anymore, he had to completely turn around. he hated that he had to use more body wash, his hands shaking when he maneuvered around the fat that had built on his stomach, the stretched skin that fell on his thighs and arms.

stretch marks... as if the scar on his face wasn’t enough.

with a shaky sigh, he turned off the water and exited the shower.

he wasn’t feeling too bad with the warm water soaking into his skin, but he made the mistake of looking into the mirror as he made his way back to the room.

a mistake.

a mistake.

a mistake.

his eyes bore into his figure, was this really him? he could barely recognize himself. this... this had to be a mistake, there was no way this was him. his hands pressed to his side, hoping that this was all a figment of his imagination, just some twisted depression that was keeping him bound to the worst of this all.

but his hands fell on his body right where he had hoped they wouldn’t, and something snapped within him.

CRASH!

shouto didn’t even realize that he was panting like some rabid animal, his body trembling with extreme force, and the room covered with ice and burn marks. he collapsed forward, suddenly feeling weak, and with every ragged breath tears pricked at the back of his eyes, threatening to fall out but wouldn’t.

he was...

he was f--

“shouto? are you okay in there?”

he couldn’t even bother turning his head to look over at the opening door, but had he, he would’ve seen the way that your head peeked in, your eyes focused with concern, sympathy, and love. he focused on his hands, the white of his gripping knuckles, and the bulge of his veins.

“I-I’m okay,” he finally spoke, his head remaining low, horrid thoughts plaguing his head as the cold hallway air drafted into the room sending shivers down his spine - not that he reacted to it.

“that’s a lie if I ever heard one,” you sigh, not even trying to give him the satisfaction of believing his lie. but again, that was a quality he loved about you. “I won’t press because i’m sure this has been an overwhelming day for you, but... i’m here for you, shouto, you know?”

it was then that your hand pressed against his spine, and shouto felt his soul leave his body.

he didn’t want you touching him like this, he thought, storming away, trying to avoid your worried look as he pushed past you.

no not like this, his eyes clenched and his fists trembled at his side.

he was ugly, he gasped for air as he entered the room, his vision swimming.

he was... he was--!

“please don’t cry... please don’t cry without telling me why you’re upset!” your voice begged and shouto hated how distraught you sounded. “are you in pain?”

“no. well, not really.”

“is this happening too fast? were you discharged too soon?”

“no... i’m fine.”

it’s....

“was it the food? I know i’m still learning, but I didn’t think the food was that bad!”

“n-no, not that...”

it’s because...

“then what’s going on, sho?”

“it’s because i’m fat!” shouto finally spat, his body shaking with exploding emotion, steam spilling from his body as if he was fighting some evil villain.

his face was set in stone, a look of pure emotionlessness as long as you didn’t look into his eyes. as long as you didn’t know that sad glint in his eyes meant that he was emotionally beyond repair right now. he saw your mouth drop, most likely to ease any ‘untrue’ thoughts that danced on his mind. he didn’t want to hear it.

“I am, y/n, i’m fat. my clothes don’t fit and I have to wear these... throw away clothes! the doctors said im almost twice my usual weight. I-I have fat in places I didn’t even know existed, my stomach is so fucking huge i’m surprised kaminari hasn’t sent me some pregnant meme by now, and it took all my energy to just shower today. i’m fat!” shouto heaved, his forehead covered in cold sweat while glaring at the wall to the left of your head. he couldn’t look at you right now, not after that outburst.

the silence lingered thickly in the air, corroding the muscles in his throat, making his heart flutter in anxiety driven pulses while you shifted from foot to foot, your teeth gnawing at your lower lip. he wanted to apologize to you, for what he didn’t know but he felt bad. his actions were halted by you sharp inhale, and that kind strong smile that fell on your face.

“...well, im not going to fight you on that, but i’m glad you spoke your mind,” you said softly, your hands moving to grip each other while you tried to save face in front of him. it was obvious that you hadn’t even thought that which made shouto feel even guiltier. “I’m going to shower, so please get ready for bed, yeah? we’ll talk more once we’re in bed and relaxed a bit!”

shouto’s nostrils flared, his heart squeezing at the fact that you still showed him such kind and soft love, and so he nodded his head in agreement.

“I won’t take long,” you promised about your shower, and shouto smiled even if a bit emotionlessly before your lips pressed softly against his. “be right back, get ready.”

he wasn’t sure how long it took him to get ready and for you to join him in bed, but his eyes were opened and he was staring off at your side of the bed as you climbed into bed. the gentle, warm, and cool scent of your hair wash and body wash drafted into his nose, a very welcoming smell after months of knowing only the sterile smell of bleached walls and floors.

“you ready to talk?” you asked him, and shouto blinked once, twice, his sight refocusing on your shining eyes and furrowed brow. he knew immediately that you had a lot to speak on, most likely creating some sort of script to follow.

“no,” shouto couldn’t help but say, his own worries forgotten for a moment when the natural need to tease you infiltrated his veins. “but i’m ready to hear you talk.”

your lips pursed, twitching in a way that made it obvious to him at least that you were resisting the urge to verbally attack him. 

“five months ago, I thought I was going to lose you.” you began, your eyes uncharacteristically dropping from his own gaze and trailing down his body, as if in disbelief that he was even here. your hands moved to his chest, pressing softly onto the skin that he was hateful towards. “when I got the news that you had been hospitalized, and that you had gone into a coma... I wasn’t sure what to think. but you woke up before I knew it and then four months went by after you woke up, and i’ve been so... grateful that you survived that I hadn’t even bothered to think about how you must be feeling about this entire thing. I know this is a lot of change, its a lot of change, and I don’t know how to really help, but this is what I think.”

shouto felt his breathing nearly stop as your fingers trailed down the fat on his arms, his chest and his stomach. your eyes almost shyly met his and you pressed a kiss to his lips, unwilling to allow him to think for a second that this was just some staged thing. 

“your weight doesn’t define you. your weight doesn’t make you less desirable. does your weight make you fat? sure, it completely does, but there’s nothing wrong with being fat. fat is not ugly, fat is not weak, fat is not less. bodies need fat, its basic biology. without fat we can’t exist, we can’t do anything, and sure right now you have more than you’ve ever had - but it’s okay, you’re still healthy and that is what matters. i mean look at fat gum! sure, he needs to be fat in order for his quirk to work, but nevertheless, he’s fat and he’s a pro hero. he’s healthy and still he’s fat. if you would rather be skinny than fat, that’s okay, you can choose what you want to be, as long as it’s done with good intentions. at the end of the day you’re still my shouto, you’re the man I know and love because fat determines none of that. I love the fat on your body as much as I loved the abs because either way it’s you.”

the words rang heavy in his ears, all thoughts and reasons he had seemingly disappeared the moment the last word was said. and tears fell from his eyes when you kissed every spot on his body that he had once been dreadfully insecure about. every kiss to his stomach sent butterflies through every cell, every soft breath spreading chills until he was gasping for breath - until you were finally back to his face and pressing kisses to his face until he wrapped you closer.

“I love you in any form you take.”

~

a/n: it may not be my place to share this with you, but while writing this it actually reminded me of a ted talk I had seen once. I think its a very good talk, and dismantles a lot of mainstream thoughts about self love which I at least thought was important. if you were able to make it to the bottom of this, I suggest checking it out because as this video re-taught me, fat is not a synonym for ugly, and we should stop believing that it is.

[1-800-smash]

can you do the alphabet with kirishima please 🥺👉👈

「 now i know my abc’s. 」

feat. kirishima.

summary: learn the alphabet with everyone’s favorite daddy shark ;)

warnings: nsfw content.

[all characters are aged up appropriately.]

word count: 2k

request: @im-alyssa-btw — ❝can you do the alphabet with kirishima please 🥺👉👈❞

a/n: ahh my first request, thank you so much! i hope you like it as much as i liked writing it. please enjoy  ♡ —  shelbs.

submitted — [09.16.20]

nsfw under the cut.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

⚘ the most attentive and caring to his partner after sex, you need something? name it.

⚘ water, your favorite snack, an extra pillow...

⚘ doesn’t matter what it is, he’ll always get it for you. all you have to do is ask.

⚘ it’s the least he can do after all you do for him alone, he’s so appreciative of all you do.

⚘ 100% down for cuddles after, he loves the feeling of your body on his.

⚘ and who could forget about the soft kisses he peppers your face with afterwards? not kirishima, that’s for sure!

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

⚘ kirishima is an absolute ass man.

⚘ there i said it.

⚘ he loves grabbing your ass when you ride him or even just staring at it from across the room, he fucking loves it.

⚘ and as for his favorite body part? his hands.

⚘ how else is he supposed to grab or smack your ass?

⚘ but also because he just loves holding your hand...

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

⚘ his loads are thick and when he cums, he comes a lot.

⚘ has a nice milk white color to it but still clear and very messy.

⚘ the taste isn’t that bad either, not that salty and you can swallow it like a champ.

⚘ fuck, if he doesn’t love it when you swallow...

⚘ and when he cums inside you, the feeling of it pooling out of you is enough to make you run straight to the bathroom.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

⚘ this may sound a little boring, but i don’t think he’d have one?

⚘ he’s not that experienced with sex and while he is open to experimentation i don’t think he would do anything on his own.

⚘ if you introduced him to things like toys, i think he would be really into building a collection with you.

⚘ he wants to try it ALL.

⚘ maybe even try them on himself when you’re not around to use them with?

⚘ but as for by himself, probably not.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

⚘ he doesn’t have much experience when it comes to sex.  

⚘ our baby shark doesn’t mess around when it comes to matters of the heart, it takes a lot of trust for him to be able to have a physical relationship with another person.

⚘ but what he lacks in experience he makes up for with an eagerness to learn, he wants to make you feel good!

⚘ with some careful guidance and mutual trust, he’ll map out every inch of your body with careful precision.

⚘ which areas draw out those cute, soft moans of yours and which ones leave you crying out his name is desperation.

⚘ it won’t take long for him to leave you a shivering, cum-filled mess by the end of the night.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

⚘ he likes to see his partner’s face during sex, he loves looking at all the expressions you make.

⚘ from the adorable moans you let out to the sinful look on your face as he makes you cum for the 3rd time.

⚘ he also likes to make sure he’s doing a good job and making you feel as great as he does.

⚘ missionary would be the most common in your relationship.

⚘ but he’s always down to try new positions with you, he wants nothing more than to make you happy.

⚘ he’s also a big fan of cowgirl, he’ll be rendered absolutely helpless under your control when your fucking his brains out.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

⚘ he takes having sex pretty serious, so he won’t be joking around too much.

⚘ that isn’t to say he won’t try to lighten the mood, especially if his partner is self-conscious.

⚘ he wants you to feel absolutely comfortable, and if that requires him to be a little less serious then so be it.

⚘ anything to make you feel safe when you’re with him.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

⚘ he tries his best to groom it but he mostly just leaves it the way it is.

⚘ the carpet DOES NOT match the drapes.

⚘ them pubes are as black as his hair was on the day he was born.

⚘ probably wouldn’t dye his pubes, he already puts too much time into his hair alone, why would he add his pubic hair into that mess?

⚘ his pubes are not as spiky as his hair but still have that pointed look and feel to them.

⚘ but don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt! in fact, it feels even better when they rub up against your clit as he fucks you into the mattress.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

⚘ oh, this boy is SUCH a romantic.

⚘ can be cliche at times but honestly it’s so endearing that you could care less.

⚘ he wants you to know just how much you mean to him, and if that turns him into an absolute SIMP for you than so be it.

⚘ he’s always whispering how beautiful you look when you’re in the moment, caressing your face, kissing you everywhere.

⚘ when he’s done there will be no doubt in your mind that this boy loves you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

⚘ he masturbates at least 2-3 times a week or well at least he used to until he met you.

⚘ why would he need to masturbate when you’re sitting there and so ready to please him?

⚘ he doesn’t like to make sex just about pleasing him though, but he has to admit you do a good enough job doing that on your own.

⚘ the only time he really masturbates now is when you’re not in the mood (which is rare) or not home.

⚘ and even then it still doesn’t do much for him the way it used to, not when you can make him cum so much harder just by moving your hips that certain way...

⚘ you’ve got him seeing stars.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

⚘ let me tell you, this man has a PRAISE kink.

⚘ nothing will get him off faster than knowing how good he’s making you feel.

⚘ kirisima’s always struggled with his self-confidence and self-worth.

⚘ that’s why he’s so much better at making other people feel good rather than himself.

⚘ so for him to hear just how good he’s making his partner feel makes him really happy.

⚘ please, please, PLEASE tell this boy what a good job he’s doing!

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

⚘ he prefers a more romantic setting when it comes to sex.

⚘ *cough* your bedroom.

⚘ he’s definitely down to fuck you wherever though if he’s needy enough.

⚘ on the couch? why not. in the shower? hell yeah. on the kitchen counter? oh absolutely.

⚘ isn’t a big fan of public sex, he’d be way to worried of getting caught by someone.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

⚘ he adores you to the moon and back, but what he admires about you the most is your strength.

⚘ show off how strong you are with him around and he’s going to be swooning over you.

⚘ he also loves being surprised with you by being the one to initiate.

⚘ it makes him feel loved and wanted!

⚘ and there’s nothing that makes him feel better than knowing that you want him to fuck your brains out.

⚘ figuratively speaking, of course.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

⚘ nothing that involves hurting you in any shape or form, he loves you!

⚘ why on earth would he want to hurt you?

⚘ he’s the type of guy who would stop sex just to ask if you’re okay from even just a HINT of discomfort.

⚘ there is no way you could convince him otherwise, there just isn’t.

⚘ hurting your partner isn’t MANLY.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

⚘ absolute BEAST when it comes to giving oral.

⚘ he will leave you trembling under his touch as he draws out another orgasm out of you.

⚘ you’re not even going to remember your own name when he’s done.

⚘ sorry, but kirishima just takes the cake with this one!

⚘ no one will ever be able to eat pussy like this man does.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

⚘ his pace starts off slow and sensual, but he tends to pick it up once you get closer to your release.

⚘ he doesn’t like being too rough with you but with enough coercion he might be persuaded to be a little rougher than usual.

⚘ obviously, he doesn’t want to hurt you, so communication is key with him!

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

⚘ when the two of you have sex he really wants to take his time and leave you feeling absolutely satisfied.

⚘ he doesn’t mind quickies, he just wants more time to be intimate with you.

⚘ if the two of you only had time for a quickie then he wouldn’t mind, but he would think about how much he was going to make it up to you the next time you two are alone together.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

⚘ hell yeah, this man is game to experiment!

⚘ as long as you’re comfortable with what you’re doing than he’s good to go.

⚘ if at any point you want to stop then he’s there in a heartbeat, whatever you need it’s yours.

⚘ don’t even worry about it, he just wants you to feel safe and secure.

⚘ as for risks, it depends on what the risk is...

⚘ nothing that will hurt you or have anyone walk in on you both.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

⚘ he can go for at least 3 rounds, maybe 4 if you’re really into it.

⚘ baby boy has lots of stamina and all the more desire to please you all night long.

⚘ he wastes no time in fucking you absolutely silly.

⚘ sex with him can usually last an hour, but if you go for more rounds after they’ll not be as long.

⚘ what can he say? it takes a lot of energy in pleasing the one you love.

⚘ and god, does he love you a lot.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

⚘ he has a pretty open mind when it comes to these things.

⚘ now, while kirishima wouldn’t own any on his own volition, i think if his partner recommended it he would definitely want to try it for himself.

⚘ it doesn’t take much to convince him!

⚘ and if he really enjoys it he may even look for toys on his own to surprise you with or ones he thinks you might like.

⚘ i could definitely see him being into it once he gets nudged in the right direction.

⚘ *wink wink* ;)

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

⚘ he doesn’t like to tease that much.

⚘ now whether his partner likes to is a different story all together.

⚘ but mostly, he loves to fulfill his partners needs and he just doesn’t think teasing will get him there any better.

⚘ what can i say, this man lives to please.

⚘ would be open to tease you if you suggested it to him and assured him you will like it,

⚘ he’s very big into over-stimulation though, he will leave you an incoherent mess that’s unable to walk when you’re done trust me on this.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

⚘ he can be very noisy and it doesn’t take much to break him.

⚘ the closer he gets to cumming the louder he’ll be, broken whines escaping from him as he tried to hold just a bit longer.

⚘ but with you, it’s impossible.

⚘ you know exactly how to make him cum until he’s whimpering from over-stimulation.

⚘ needless to say, the noises this boy makes is heaven to your ears.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

⚘ he has some pretty sharp teeth, so i wouldn’t be surprised if he might have a slight biting kink.

⚘ while he absolutely hates the thought of hurting you i think he’d be ok with soft nibbles here and there.

⚘ as long a you’re ok with it, of course!

⚘ i mean... they don’t call him daddy shark for nothing ;)

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

⚘ he’s about 5.6 inches, uncircumcised.

⚘ it’s pretty thick and has a nice girth to it, makes you feel small whenever you hold it in your hand.

⚘ but god, if it doesn’t make you feel fucking amazing.

⚘ he can make you cum 3 times just from his cock alone, and fuck if he doesn’t make sure you do every damn time.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

⚘ he has an average sex drive.

⚘ he’s enjoys having sex like any other guy does but by no means is he going to be humping your leg every 10 minutes.

⚘ he respects what you want and if you don’t feel like it that’s all you have to say and he’ll go back to whatever you two were doing before.

⚘ he drinks respect women juice daily.

⚘ on average you both have sex with each other at least 5-6 times a week.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

⚘ he will not fall asleep before you do, he always makes sure you cared for before he even thinks of dozing off.

⚘ once he’s sure you have everything you need and your fast asleep in his arms, only then will he be satisfied enough to fall asleep himself.

⚘ it won’t take him too long to fall asleep after you, holding you tight in his embrace while he tries to think just how on earth he deserves you.

⚘ and honestly? he doesn’t know but he’s sure glad he does.

[pianjeong]

congressional debate zukka au

this is inspired by @owlsantuary‘s post i was a congressional debater in hs so here u go

sokka is captain of his school's debate team; he joined as a freshman bc he was like "a club that lets me expound on my opinions for five minutes straight? yes plz" and was good enough that he made captain as a sophomore when the previous one graduated

- the idea of "politicking" is really important in congressional bc it's how you get people to support your bills if you wrote them, or if you have a really good argument and want that bill to be higher on the docket (bc sometimes you run out of time)

- sokka absolutely OWNS at this bc he's that guy that everyone wants to be friends with and half the people he talks to don't even realize that he has an agenda

- he also makes actual friends with the people from rival schools bc that's just what he's like

- his assertiveness sometimes gets him into sticky situations bc ppl get offended by him cutting them off during question time, but it's usually bc theyre trying to run out the clock and he is NOT having that

- i always led tongue twister exercises at the start of every competition to get our voices warmed up and im imagining sokka and his team SHOUTING the "betty bought a bit of butter" one in the middle of the hallway and getting weird looks (if you haven't heard of it look it up it's HARD)

- he always gets full points for pathos (yes that's a real thing) bc he'll tell jokes abt his teacher dads or his sister but then he'll turn around and make his dumb joke into a big-picture argument about the value of education or something; sometimes it backfires though bc he makes a joke at the wrong time

- i think he’d struggle with arguing for opinions he doesn’t agree with…bc he has CONVICTIONS and is basically physically incapable of arguing against like. a climate change bill or something

- this means that he sometimes scores low bc he only argues what he agrees with

- zuko is research captain for his team, which happens to be no. 1 rivals with sokka's school

- he is the master of the rebuttal bc he loves nothing more than tearing holes in people's arguments

- he isn't the best at being adaptible if the debate takes a turn away from what he predicted/researched for, and he does have problems with looking down at his notes WAY too much (youre allowed notes but youre meant to make as much eye contact as possible), but he always shows up with exorbitant numbers of sources and flattens people with FACTS

- when he's not speaking he is the most awkward of the awkwards and he despises politicking bc it makes him feel self-conscious; this means that he honestly doesn't have v many friends besides his own team but at the same time everyone Knows Of him and the "oh SHIT zuko sozin is in my debate room im so screwed" whispers are real

- he's better at arguing whichever side of the debate is available instead of only sticking with his own beliefs, which allows him to rack up a ridiculous amount of points bc he's speaking every ten minutes

- he's also at least co-author, if not singular author, of like 80% of the bills his school submits for debate (which also contributes to everyone knowing his name)

- sokka and zuko had definitely heard of each other before they actually meet; sokka bc of zuko's Reputation (tm) and zuko bc ofc he'd know of the captain of their biggest rival

- also bc they're always getting called up at the awards ceremonies for best speaker awards (and best bill for zuko)

- they do NOT understand what's so great about the other...but also are Looking Respectfully bc debate requires formal wear and ofc zuko shows up in a tailored three-piece suit and sokka's probably wearing his dad's old suit but makes it look good anyway

- this changes the first time they're assigned to the same room and sokka bounds up to zuko to introduce himself and immediately stutters bc o god cute boy cuter up close and zuko thinks this is precious but also has no idea what to say and blurts out something dumb and then they both sit down and look Determinedly Away

- zuko is very surprised when he finds sokka is actually kinda funny and even tho he thinks that him only arguing one side is disadvantageous he's also v impressed by the strength of it (and oh my god a good family relationship what???)

- sokka is floored by zuko bc his speeches literally sound like poetry with sources (insert that line from rwrb that's like "'see attached bibliography' is the single sexiest thing youve said to me")

- and THEN...they both get to go to the captains' lunches which is where they really sit and talk for the first time over pizza and sodas and maybe exchange numbers :0

- there is definitely "fraternization with the enemy" talk from their teams mostly joking but also sokka youre CAPTAIN you cant do that hes ZUKO SOZIN PLS STOP (spoiler: he doesnt care)

- it takes ages and ages for them to progress past being friends but they always sit together at captains' lunches and sometimes their teams....sit close at awards...and they trash talk and flirt across the bleacher dividers......

- it all comes to a head at the state competition which both teams make it to and they're both REAL nervous the night before and run into each other in the hotel lobby and it turns into them sitting up half the night talking and theyre both exhausted on competition day but it's ok bc coffee is a thing

- and then oh shit....sokka qualifies for nationals and zuko doesn't but someone else on his team does......and everyone expects zuko to be mad about it and sure he's disappointed but also hes just so happy for sokka that it kinda overshadows it

- they sneak away from the celebration dinner that both teams just Happened to be at the same restaurant for (actually, the sponsor squad aka iroh, hakoda, and piandao definitely planned this) and make out outside and tell their friends to fuck off when they come looking for them; they've both been dancing around this forever they deserve it

[bioshock4k]

i hope this still applies so. (asks u abt bioshock) what are some of your favorite parts of each bioshock game…. and im curious about what makes infinite bad

YES IT DOES it always applies. always <3

ummm levelwise my fav level from the first game is point prometheus ^_^ its soooo fun to play even though i get so lost every time and its so rewarding i luv it so much. its also the richest storywise theres so much lore abt the little sisters that you can gather there its AWESOME. for bio2 my favorite level to LOOK at is dionysus park its so pretty..... soo tedious though :T my fav level to explore is siren alley though even though its SO much harder than it has any reason to be UGHHH and then well my fav level to play is persephone (both inner and outer) bcus well 1) its kind of fun to look at everything and 2) i LOVEEE fighting alongside my daughter its so awesome ^_^

infinite is bad for sooooo many reasons mostly being that its like super racist. not in that 'its set in 1912 so theres gonna be racism' its more in the fact that it presents a 'racists and anti racists are the same.... black people are bad if they want to rise against their oppresors.... also the ONLY named black woman is going to die (kill herself? maybe? idk) for a white woman and then its going to be revealed later on that this was completely unecessary and she died for literally no reason..... oh and btw the player character was involved in the genocide of natives (specifically the wounded knee battle) and he was stated to be the most violent killer there and he was only so violent because his fellow soldiers or whatever asked if he was native or something (btw its fine that he killed natives becsuse hes like 1/16th native) and alsoooo he has a 50% chance of becoming a facist in any timeline ALSOOOO he sold his daughter for drinking money and hes never really criticized for this...... alsooo theres two characters who are literally alternate universe versions of themself and they are implied to have incestuous relations......... and the main female character is like some disney princess magical smart and is for SOME reason self conscious about her missing half of a pinky even though she was raised in a tower completely by herself safe for the giant mechanical BIRD that protected her (who she also hated and later killed) and shes weirdly needlessly sexualized even though shes like 17 and also in a dlc where shes apparently only 19 shes gonna get MASSIVELY inflated boobies and also she has no powers anymore and she cant fight because shes a woman she HAS to stealth it' and a lot more ^_^

[poptod]

October 1st (Elliot Alderson x Reader)

Description: He waits until the last moment and it’s too late.

Notes: i wrote a love letter to my friend but im never gonna send it so im profiting off my misery. gender neutral as usual

Word Count: 1.9k

+

Sad, sick people have a tendency of gravitating towards each other, whether or not they're aware of the illness of the other person. You know this quite well – in your rather sick childhood, where your mind was plagued with thoughts of self hatred, most of the friends you made were just about as sad as you. Looking back, it is a rather horrifying thought considering you were only twelve and so ready to die. Your mother said you were exaggerating, and that makes sense. Things were dramatized back then. But there's a flicker of truth in there, a small part within the soul that truly believed they should be dead. There's no sicker thought than that.

This trait, that part of yourself, carried through into adulthood. Unfortunate, really – that means it isn't just teenage drama, it isn't just your peers or your family. It's you. You look at yourself in the mirror and realize with tired, drooping eyes that it was always you. There's a quote – something along the lines of, "some people grow sad very young, and I know this, for I am one."

Elliot is sort of like that, too. Well, the two of you get on fine – in both life and within your friendship – and you don't really need to talk about it. You're both well aware of the others' problems, but it doesn't need to be mentioned. All you do is sit in cafe's together so neither of you are approached by creepy people and smoke together at his apartment. It doesn't need to be more than that.

Despite that barrier in your head, he's still your best friend. Maybe because he's one of your only friends, the other being an internet friend who you visit every now and then. Oh well. You lead a pretty sedentary lifestyle – you don't need a lot of friends. Just one to hang around.

Still, he does get around sometimes. He gets up out of nowhere, you ask where he's off to, and he says out. Most of the time he doesn't let you come, but this time he has and he's just wandering around. Looking at people and rationalizing their presence, watching the birds on benches, staring at shopfronts. For a moment you think to ask why he'd take such excursions in such cold weather, but with a glance to his peaced out face you know he doesn't have an answer.

You suppose that's just fine – there's something about fall that has you enjoying time outdoors. The piles of golden and red leaves pushed up against the sides of the streets, the coffee signs in front of every cafe, each with their own drawings of steaming coffee, and of course the scents in the air. It's not a particularly nice part of the city, but it has a fair share of restaurants and most smell of apple cider and cinnamon. The taste of pumpkin is also there; probably because you're sitting next to a Starbucks.

People pass by you donned in fuzzy jackets and long scarves. You look a bit like them; you're not a fan of the cold, so you have mittens, a hat, boots, and a scarf. Elliot on the other hand is much the same, as usual, and you don't expect him to ever stray from that routine. You like his routine. It's familiar.

"I'm leaving soon," you finally blurt out, a topic barely in your conscious mind but ravaging your subconscious. It's both good and bad news, considering the trip is for getting a doctorate, but it's clear he doesn't feel the same way. His eyes widen and he looks to you almost incredulously.

"Where?" He asks.

"Berlin. They've got this program for foreign students. I'll finally be able to get my doctorate in linguistics," you say, nodding to yourself. "I, um... I don't know if I'll be back."

"Why not?" He asks in a softer, rougher voice.

"It's an expensive move, you know? And there aren't that many jobs for linguists here.. at least, there's more in Europe," you half mumble, staring at your fidgeting fingers.

He gets up and leaves. Without another word except an astounded stare out into space, he stands and leaves you on the bench. You almost go after him, but he's got that look about him, and you know he's a little lost in thought. It'll be fine – you won't leave for a little while (not until October, actually), which gives you some real time with Elliot, if that's what he wants. As hard as it is for people to read him, you have a knack for it. That's probably why he spends any time at all with you.

You're going to miss him quite a lot. Lying in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling in your sleep clothes, the clock well past midnight, you wonder if he'll miss you too. He hasn't talked to you since you told him, which you did a good week or so ago now. Guilt settles deep in your chest – he's a man of routine and you're seriously breaking it. Fortunately, it's not really your problem. You have your own life and it doesn't revolve around what makes him comfortable.

You still feel bad about it, though.

About two weeks before you're set to leave he finally texts you, telling you to come visit him, and though he doesn't say it you know he means one last time. You get it right before you're about to get in the bath, and instantly you reach for the drain, unplugging it to let it drain while you redress yourself. Something nice – not your sweatpants, no matter how warm they are in the late September chill.

Outside rain falls in great sheets, battering down on the already dead leaves and the many, many busy people. Most everyone you pass by is dressed in black – black coats, black pants, black umbrellas. It's like they're mourning a death, though the only death you can think of is that of summer. You don't have an umbrella in your bag, but there's enough people on the streets with umbrellas and enough overhangs that you manage to stay mostly-dry, till the crowd thins out around Elliot's apartment and you get drenched. Droplets of water run down your fully-soaked hair, falling cold on your eyelashes and turning your nose a blushing pink.

Excitement pounds through your heart at the prospect of seeing your friend again. People at your workplace are nice, but no one is quite as intricate or interesting like he is. Every person is special, as are you, but you find yourself looking for the same traits in all your friends. A sort of quiet person with far too much beneath the surface. That's the only way you know how to describe what exactly Elliot is – well, he's kind. Soft-spoken, usually. Lost in his thoughts. Distant. Compassionate, and surprisingly, warm. You don't hug him much but he's warm, and for some reason you never expect it.

He lights the joint, taking a few puffs to ensure it's working before handing it to you, leaning over the small couch so you can reach. Smoke clouds itself in your lungs, forming pockets of dry, happy thoughts in your head. It all comes out with your exhale, like the freeze of hot breath in winter and the fog of dry ice.

"I love you," you say. Blurting is becoming a bad habit for you, but that's okay. You won't see him for a long time, and you need to get it out, no matter how surprised Elliot looks. He always looks a little surprised. "You know that, right?"

He laughs – he actually laughs. A smile spreads across his usually dull cheeks, and a blush crosses him, pink around his grin and pronounced in his ears and the tip of his rounded nose. You can't help it so you smile with him, absorbing the entirety of his fluster. He's always so closed off. Maybe you help him out of that hole, but it's mostly wishful thinking that drives your thought process towards that.

A cloud of smoke releases itself from Elliot's mouth. He doesn't say anything in relation to your announcement, but you don't particularly expect him to. He's a little odd when it comes to affection. You don't mind it in the least, too caught up in memorizing his little movements and his breathy sighs to bother with the tough things.

So that's it. You spend one more afternoon-into-evening with him, and you don't see him again, not at the airport, not over text or Skype. There was a chance of that – you knew that, but it still disappoints and saddens you to watch the ground disappear, the last memory of your Elliot from several days ago. It feels as though it's already fading despite the fact that you remember every detail of your time with him. How could you forget?

Fidgeting with your bag on the plane, you close your eyes and wonder what things will be like when you get back, if you ever do. Your bag is a little like his jacket – a comfort, with fringes that are easy to fidget with, as much as it might annoy the person sitting next to you. Anxiously you dig your hand into your bag, looking for your anxiety meds, only for your fingers to brush against paper.

You don't have paper in your bag.

Pinching it between your fingers, you pull the paper out, revealing an envelope with your name on it. With shaking hands you tear open the glue, unfolding a note scrawled onto leaf paper. There aren't any lines for guiding, but the words are perfectly spaced.

(Y/N),

I'm not sure if I'll ever send this to you. Maybe not – everything is so unsure right now. My constants in this hectic state of the world are few and most are not good. My job, my scars, my anxiety, they never go away but neither do you. It may seem inconsequential to you – you're likable and you have other friends, but I don't. Not really. I have you, though, and it often feels like that's enough.

I always wanted a forever person; someone there throughout all life for better or worse. A bit like tonight – it ended with a bar fight, but somehow I enjoyed it. I looked to you and you were grinning and bashing a guy's head in, and somehow that made me smile. It's always better with you. I don't talk about that enough.

You're the good in the world. I find it hard to believe, much less articulate, how good you are. How kind. Understanding. Creative, open, pure in the best way. You make me want to become a better person, and isn't that what humans strive for? A connection with someone who makes you believe the world is capable of good, someone that makes you believe you'll be alright – so long as you stick by their side.

I don't write these kinds of things. You know that – I don't like bringing my deeper emotions to light. But you're safe and I trust you; I just hope you understand how special you are to me. You deserve so much good and I wish I could give that to you. I can't give you what I want to give you, but I will always be your friend, no matter what.

Elliot

He wrote this a while ago. That bar fight was a year or so ago – is that how long he's been keeping this letter back? Is this why he asked you to come over? ... Is this his attempt to get you to stay?

The plane's already over the ocean. You can't even see the shore anymore.

You realize just a little too late that he's the good in the world.