#and i sort of have to get a job so it might as well be the one that i’m currently surviving in
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~☆~
D: Hey, hey, how much you wanna bet I can jump from the ladder to that chest without getting hurt? D: I'll land on all fours. M: I'm not sure I really want to bet anything on that, D... S: If there's anyone who could do that, it'd be you Debbie. D: Okay both of those answers are useless to me. D: Vilmr can you at least pretend you don't believe I'll make it so I can rub it in your face when I do? V: ... 🔆 D: Vilmr? S: You look deep in thought Vilmr, what's on your mind? V: I am just starting to wonder... V: If maybe we should ask Maja, if we should be streaming this. D: Are you serious. M: Do you mean from a legal standpoint, or...? V: I am thinking more about our karma. V: What if we are attracting bad company, observing this as skeptics? D: Well then you shouldn't have to worry because you're not the one seeing it. V: I can worry for your safety too, you know. S: It's nice of you to worry for us Vilmr, but I think it's alright. D: Yeah a million jillion people have seen eclipses before and ended up okay. D: Probably. D: I mean how else would we be here right now. V: Mmh... V: Maybe...
S: Oh hey, I know we can't tonight, but... S: You know what'd be fun tomorrow night? D: What? S: We should play night tag again! 🔆 S: Since the moon's so new it'll still be extra dark out. S: I know how much you like night tag Vilmr! V: Only if it's not in the woods this time! V: I hate it when Debbie hides in the trees. V: We can never find her! D: Hey okay, nobody ever said it was against the rules. V: Well I want it to be against the rules now. D: Pssh. D: Not my fault I'm super smart and think like, five steps ahead. S: Well, we could fly down somewhere more wide open if Yuan is around tomorrow night? D: Fuuuuuuuck yes, I'd be so down. M: Oh, I don't think I can tomorrow. S: *gasp* S: Oh my gosh right, tomorrow is your first night at the comic shop isn't it? M: Yeah, but I don't mind if you guys go ahead without me! D: Excuses, excuses... D: If you're scared of getting owned just say so. M: You got me, D. M: My job is just an elaborate ploy to avoid losing at tag. S: Well maybe we could save it for another day and go comic shopping instead? :> D: What the heck, are we gonna be shopping for like, hours? D: We could still play night tag, like, we can do both-- OH! D: Ohhhhh, if we do go though, Michael you BETTER remember to bring that hat. M: Haha, of course D.
S: *yawwwwwn* S: Vilmr, you still seem pretty agitated, are you that worried? V: What do you think? D: I'm not even gonna get innnnnnto this anymore! D: Honestly I think it's just so stupid silly. D: If you don't even believe in this stuff for real, what is even your reasoning this time? V: Debbie, just because I do not worship a moon god does not mean I do not believe in bad karma. V: With or without gods, things are always at play in this universe. V: It is not stupid, not to me. V: What happens if it really is a bad omen? V: What if we're doing something really dumb right now? V: Just to say you got to see it? D: Jeez Vilmr, you gave me your cell so you could avoid talking like this! D: I might as well be replaying Maja's voicemail, you two sound so similar. V: You are impossible! M: Vilmr, we're not the only ones watching this livestream.🔆 M: I'm seeing there's at least another fifty on the same page. M: Do you think they're in trouble too? V: Yes, I do. V: I'm really starting to think this stream shouldn't be up in the first place. V: There is a reason why this eclipse is in such a remote part of the planet. V: Think about it. V: The only places this can even be observed at all are either in the middle of the emptiest ocean in the whole world, or on the furthest edge of all of Halvma. V: Nobody even lives there. V: It's almost like nobody's meant to be seeing this one. S: What do you think is going to happen, Vilmr?
V: I! V: I do not know. V: But it feels like something bad. V: The air is biting all around me, I can feel it. S: Vilmr, I don't mean this in any sort of judgemental way or anything, but... S: You tend to say these kinds of things about a lot of things. S: And things usually end up alright. V: Ah, but see you fail to realise, you use the keyword: "usually." V: As in, not always. V: Sometimes, things still go bad. M: ...you do seem to have some pretty impressive foresight from time to time, I have to give it to you. V: Thank you. D: Okay well nothing's gonna stop me from watching this, sorry not sorry. D: If it means I'll die, at least I did it watching something cool, right Samantha? S: ... D: .........Smumantha...... S: Well now I'm nervous! V: And there is good reason for this! D: Well duh, you scared her into feeling that way! D: -_-!!! M: Okay, I know I complimented your foresight just now Vilmr but I really do think it's... a bit of a stretch? M: This time, I mean. M: Like, uh, aside from the fact that this might be legally dubious, D: enough with that already we gettttt it we get it. M: I think we'll be okay. M: It's not like we're actually seeing it in real life, you know? M: It's just a projection of it, after all. S: Oh, I guess that's a good point. D: Literally such a good point, probably the best point you've ever made actually Michael. V: Blughghhhhhh...
D: It's already about to start anyways, huhuhuhUAHAH!!! S: Ahhh no okay I'm still scared! M: It's just a video Samantha, nothing divine about that! V: Maja förlåt miggggggg... D: No turning back now, scaredyturds!
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Hero, Villain God 17
(Prev) (Next) (First)
*Scar's pov*
Poultryman leaves quickly but you can't help but keep feeling suspicious. Nothing concrete and his explanation does make sense but you can't help but feel that It was weird for him to just be there like that...
He said he heard of it but ... How did he do so quickly? And why was he just standing there...menacingly?
You don't get the time to think about it further and quickly forget about it as Cub messages you, the hero association wants to talk to you for some reason and that means something is wrong...
...You are a bit worried.
...
You uh... don't really know what to do, your fight and flight is going off in a way only a council of business people can make it go off.
The council is staring at you, you thought they wanted to tell you something not look at you with... judgement in their eyes for like ten minutes straight.
You try to break the tension by initiating the conversation yourself.
"H-hello?"
...
"You wanted to speak with me?"
They are still silent? Did you say something wrong? You literally just said hi-
"Indeed, a decision has been talen that we believe you should be informed of."
Ok, not silent anymore, that's good... Wait decision? They aren't demoting you or something, right?
"Did something happen?"
They look to eachother...ok...even more worrying. It's fine everything is fine, you are totally calm and chill and not anxious at all.
"No, but something will."
"O-ok?"
Points for being ominous for no reason.
"Hotguy, you cannot continue to work alone. The stakes are growing, it is becoming too dangerous.."
"Oh!"
Oh! Are they making a hero team? You always wanted one of those-
"We are not going to waste heroes on a team"
And just like that your hopes are dashed and crushed. Why are you still here...just to suffer?
"But then-"
"Hotguy, how would you feel about a sidekick?"
A... Sidekick? You don't know how to feel, superheroes are supposed to have them though so It must be a good idea!...Wait.
"W-who's going to be my sidekick? You said you weren't going to waste heroes."
"That has not yet bern decided, we plan to start an hiring process of sorts soon.""
Hiring? What's this? An office job?"
"Do not question us, Hotguy. It is thanks to us you are even here to begin with"
"Right! I am sorry."
"... This is where you come in"
"Huh?"
"A sidekick should not only be capable but should also work well with the hero, you'll have to be the final judge of character "
"Oh that makes sense... So I'll interview the candidates?"
"Not directly, we cannot risk that, you'll just have to prepare some questions for them to answer"
"Oh... Alright! I'll do it"
*Mumbo's pov*
You are in your apartment, Grian is off... somewhere. You have stopped questioning him around the time you walked on him peeling grapes ... You just hope he doesn't randomly die or something, that would be quite unfortunate.
You turn on the tv, not something you do often but it's a good way to pass the time when you aren't working on something which is thinking about it...very rarely. Surely today has been uneventful.
The mayor was kidnapping by his own office and Hotguy is randomly hiring a sidekick.
What in the world has happened today??
*Grian's pov*
So Hotguy is searching for a sidekick, what interesting timing.
Well, you cannot waste this opportunity to have fun, can you.
You prepare an outfit, you even have a perfect name for this.
Cuteguy.
...
You might have too many personas now... nah.
End of Chapter 4
#trafficblr#traffic smp#hermitblr#hermitcraft#grian#mumbo jumbo#goodtimeswithscar#hotguy#poultry man#Cuteguy#hero villain god au
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so, uh, I do this thing when I'm bored or need to calm myself and that's telling myself a story. typically i do fics and in my head unless im completely alone. yes, I love talking to myself
these stories goes on and on, like i flesh out a whole plot and everything. it might as well be a whole book and sometimes it helps me get pass a trick part in a fic im writing or helps me work out the plot. it also sometimes gets written down because I'm like "this worth writing down"
this going to be long. read if you dare 😂
now the reason why I'm telling yall this is because my best buddy, @the-torchwood-magician , got me hook on Malcolm Merlyn. We both love his character and would talk for hours about him like we're teenagers in heat 🤣🤣
we also both love Ianto Jones and I honestly do not need explain why 😂. They introduce me to a ship, which I had no clue it existed, that consisted of Malcolm and Ianto. Even introduced me to a few fics and let me tell yall, I'm interested and hook.
My current story I'm telling myself consist of the pair, where Ianto gets hire as Malcolm assistant (similar to how Felicity is Oliver assistant) and Malcolm is suspicious that the young man is perfect for the job, even perfect for a higher position. Which shocks him because either something isn't right or the guy is just really smart for his age and modest.
He hires him anyway because of his genuine curiosity and Ianto fits in quickly. He works hard and efficiently, even knows what Malcolm needs before he asks him. Malcolm grew fond of him, appreciate his contribute to the company and him. Though that didn't make his suspicions go away so he did a background check. clean records so he had to go old fashion, but little does he knows Ianto isn't the one to share or talk.
yes, this a love story. a slow one in matter of fact
they're relationship won't have a label. this is because I'm pulling a James Wilson, which is Ianto is convinced he's straight but he's still in the closet and in denial despite having feelings for his boss/friend. Also Malcolm heart belongs to his dead wife so he's sort torn between that and his new boy lover.
this won't have a happy ending... letting yall know. I'm like a rabid dog when there's a happy ending, but there will be a twist in the end. basically a cliffhanger
question is... should I put this on ao3..
#writing rambles#writer on ao3#writer on tumblr#ao3 writer#arrow#arrowverse#malcolm merlyn#dark archer#torchwood#ianto jones#very gay#malcolm x ianto
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Hii, if you still write, could you do a continuation for the yandere shanks headcanons please?
I haven't done hcs for him before? I can do em now tho :) This is mostly the background idea I was working off of for my drabble but it's not super concrete
The guy is notoriously flaky. Honestly I feel like a lot of OP men are. So if you manage to catch his eye in a way that gets him to fixate on you, well... good luck lol
The idea I had for the mini fic I wrote was a civilian Mc who had managed to bargain for a ride to another island, for whatever reason. Nowhere specific, just anywhere but where you are now, and he obliges. The obsession isn't immediate, but he decides there's something about you he likes, whether your funny, charming etc. And since you aren't picky about where he drops you off, you don't question it when he doesn't let you off the next time the Red Force docks somewhere. You believe him when he cites a lack of safety, whether it's corrupt Marine presence, other pirate crews, etc.
And it's fun, anyway. Whatever reservations you had about running off with a notorious band of pirates are easily quelled. Shanks himself is so easy-going and carefree, you open up without realizing or really thinking about it. They're friendly, they invite you to join the party, and they're more than willing to show off for someone so easily impressed. Towards the end of the night, you're throwing bottles into the air, laughing as Yassop easily snipes each and every one out of the air despite everyone being drunk off their asses.
The parties are fun, the food is good, everyone is friendly and you don't think much of the casual affection given by Shanks. Arm around shoulders if he isn't using it to drink, being pulled into his side... what you do think is weird is when you come down with some sort of minor illness, and he insists you stay in his bed rather than the room they set up a cot in. Isn't there an infirmary? He tells you he just feels personally responsible. Wants you somewhere he can keep an eye on you himself. This... doesn't make much sense to you, but you relent. You are his guest after all, you don't want to be rude... Things start adding up. He's the only one who touches you so much. You start noticing the looks the others give the two of you, the way they seem to be herding you towards him... the safety excuse worked the first couple times they wouldn't let you disembark, but the 4th? 5th? 6th? Eventually you learn to stop asking, and opt to try and sneak off while they're on land- and that's when the Marine incident happens, and you learn you have a bounty.
You don't understand how. You stay below deck any time there's any sort of skirmish- and the Red Haired pirates end any conflict awfully quickly. Even if you had been spotted, loitering on deck before being ushered to safety- you doubt anyone survived long enough to speak of you, let alone get a photo. And it's not one you recognize, either. Did someone back on your island report you to the marines, when you decided to run off with a band of pirates? Did Shanks do it? That wouldn't make sense, so you think it was probably delivered by someone scornful back home...
You wake up in bed with Shanks, resting against his chest. You blink, trying to pull away, and for the first time since you've known him his stern expression is directed at you. You'd seen it when pirates or marines were spotted on the horizon, but never because of you, never at you. He finally confirms that you won't be leaving. That he doesn't intend to let you go. And you have a bounty now, anyway, for associating with him, so even if he wanted to part ways it would only endanger you. And that's when it really hits that you had gotten far too comfortable with a group of men who's jobs include the bonus of might making right, of taking whatever they want. But then again, if Shanks still decided he wanted you, having discretion wouldn't have saved you from a man like him.
Now that you know, he doesn't need to hold back anymore. Gone is the cot and room to yourself, you sleep with him. He smothers you- a hand on your hip, thumb gently rubbing. Always looming if you're on deck with him. Pulling you onto his lap to start a makeout session in full view of the others, much to your horror. He's aggravatingly casual about the whole thing, too. Seems to think the best solution to your tears is to hold you close- in reality he does know better, of course he knows it's because of him. He just doesn't care.
#asks#yandere shanks#one piece x reader#... idk if I like these a ton but I hope someone does. I think they're a little bit... idk bland sorry
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man can I just say how adorable Wolf's interaction with Delia in the wedding scene is? When she's explaining her situation he gives her the most understanding looks and it's because they both effectively had the same cause of death. Delia turned her mourning of Charles into part of her performance art, and died from being scammed with asps who were NOT defanged. Wolf wanted to deliver the most authentic performance possible and died from presumably a negligent armorer who didn't bother to check if the grenade was live or not before shooting. both of them were quite literally killed by their art (not by their own faults to be fair but from someone else's irresponsibility). and it's kind of lovely Delia got such a sympathetic escort back to the netherworld who knows her situation firsthand probably better than anyone else
it's weirdly wholesome and empathetic even as their situations were both played for morbid laughs, and if Delia didn't have eyes only for Charles (what's left of him) and Wolf wasn't in a committed relationship with Janet I'd even say I could have seen things going somewhere between them
#beetlejuice beetlejuice#beetlejuice beetlejuice spoilers#delia deetz#wolf jackson#i do think though that she might have wound up getting a job in his office after the movie#i don't buy the theory entirely that she and charles went straight to the great beyond#because until lydia and astrid sorted the asp situation out and profited appropriately from her art i don't think she'd want to move on#plus she promised to haunt them as long as she could#and you know charles wouldn't leave without her#but I absolutely could see her getting a job with the afterlife crimes unit investigating fraud or something#(beej is probably her first case lmao)#not going to lie these thoughts are a big reason i fell in love with wolf he is fundamentally a good dude#just kind of full of himself but he means well#meta#related to the essay I teased on an earlier reblog today#all this is part of those thoughts but I needed to scream into the void NOW#late addition to these tags I do actually ship Delia/Wolf to a degree it's just not a ship I could see happening in movie canon#because she loves her husband so much#but hey Delia's chill maybe she and Charles are open to a polycule setup
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do i make ashara more devoted to mythal post trespasser or do i alienate her from the evanuris entirely. is she immune to propaganda by virtue of how badly solas damaged her ability to believe in anything or is she especially vulnerable to it now bc she still WANTS to believe in anything. is she sporting subtle mythal details in her costume design or is she not
#love talking to myself on tumblr dot com <3#oc: ashara#i feel like she's always believed in the principles/vague mythos of the evanuris more than taking it all at face value#so even tho she might know the truth abt the evanuris she would still hold mythal's values of justice close to her and express it thru her#but also like. having MET mythal. and drank from her well. actually meeting not just the gods but YOUR god and her being confirmed the#''nicer'' one who tells u that ur cool and are doing a good job... idk. i think theres a possibility of her being manipulated/doubling down#and like.. she got rid of her vallaslin for solas and then HE left. her inquisition is frail her relationship with her clan is frail#her family is mostly dead lol. no arm no anchor...... like. mythal's approval + the well is all she REALLY has at this point#and she gets attached to people. to things. so so much .idk. its tricky bc shes lonely and needs some sort of SOMETHING to keep her going#but she also deeply believes in The Truth and accepting reality even if it sucks. so idk if she'd hold on to smth just out of comfort/habit#bc shes a pragmatist at heart and open to change. but like circumstances are sort of pushing her to her brink lol#i genuinely have no idea. maybe the secret third answer is that This is the problem shes facing in datv#the crisis of faith. wanting to stand by her ideals versus wanting to feel held by SOMETHING even if its a lie#and a character breakdown as a result that could go one of two ways#man its so funny talking abt her like shes a Real character i am being paid to write. insane that im doing this for free for an audience of#like 3 people who care JKJGFKJFGKJGKF
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i feel like the makeup standards are not necessarily going to get Worse, just. stay the Same. "raised by sephora and ulta" christ alive yall act like this shit is new. as if this hasnt been the standard to blast young girls with makeup ads and shit via magazine and tv and imposed beauty standards anyway. the only real difference is like, idk, accessibility of tutorials for how to apply it well
#toy txt post#spoken as. a no makeup bitch#altho i have also been accused by a terf of wearing a pound if makeup for wearing. visible lipstick in a selfie. and that was It#the actual Beauty Standard has largely stayed the exact fucking same of like making your skin texture as fake as possible#that was the standard back then too but it was harder to achieve /know how to do it cos there werent tutorials the same way now#also yes sephora and ulta are evil and all that but like the same amount theyve always been.#yall really acting like these imposed beauty standards being exposed to children is like a new unique tiktom thing thats never happened#before. and yall blaming instagram are no fuckin better. this has been happening The Entire God Damn Time#also theres something rubbing me about the way this is getting talked about. 'she did all thos other arbitrary bullshit except this#One Thing! the discrimination against this one thing is awful!#and like. it is. but i feel like we could address that while also maybe stepping back a tiny bit further and questioning these arbitrary#standards of professionalism too while we're at it#why does she have to have a blazer either? why do the earrings have to be understated#why do the colors have ti be bland and boring? why does he hair have to be a natural color and gender conforming ?#etc etc etc#like if we're accepting all that other shit the ppl upset about this could acknowledge she might experience similar discrimination for say#very obvious goth or punk-y makeup or anything a little too far outside the bounds of the acceptable beauty standard#everyone is pissed about 'eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man' but theyd be saying nothing if she was discriminated for fuckin#big wings and black lipstick bc well thats Obviously not professional standard makeup. okay?#if we change how we look at professional standards of dress and makeup as a whole to include Fucking Freak Bitches#then it would be a lot easier to include No Makeup in there as welllllll#idk#im a no makeup bitch with blue hair whos only ever worked in warehouses so they didnt give too much of a shit about my lack of makeup#or blue hair as long as i didnt show up in like flip flops which is a Reasonable dress code bc its got an actual fucking reason#(safety so you dont lose your goddamn toes to a box or a grate or some shit) vs it makes the office corpo bros sad#anyway idk if you have the privilege to get away with it i think you should dress weirder in the office to get them used to weirder dress#maybe instead of Suddenly going No Makeup sort of slowly lessen the amount so its not a Sudden change or smth#again: if you have the privilege and job security to get away with it#also also also: easier to get away with if you were to say. mask. js. they cant get mad at schrodingers lack of lipstick
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday
#honestly maybe it's better this way. i'd rather just not care at all rather than be super stressed about it#just like i've been doing with every little thing for most of my life#might have missed the date when we were supposed to choose our elective courses. well whatever Lol#and i still don't even know what my schedule is or what classes i have this semester oopsie#well the university itself doesn't seem particularly pressed about giving us the schedule either#but i'd probably better still read up on the classes at least before they start#i don't have high hopes for this year just like with the last. probably should just stop pretending that i still want to study anything atp#this wasn't even my first choice of a course bcs i had to prepare for that damn exam to be accepted for my preffered one#but i couldn't be bothered to study for it again which probably should have told me enough abt whether going into this again is a good idea#i'm so tired just thinking about it but i know that actually looking for a job and then having a job will be a thousand times worse so uh#but at least i'd have my own money and start doing something ughhhh. useful maybe. who knows what it will be though#i have no ideaaaaaa. but this feels like just putting off the inevitable. like at some point i need to get my shit together#i will probably report at the end of the next week about how i'm so done already#i don't really knowwww mannnnnm. i don't feel like i had any vacation at all even though 3 months have already passed#and i also sort of didn't prepare something relatively easy to do that would have given me an actual document#that would confirm that i actually finished that part-time school thing last semester#can't really be bothered to come back to it at this point though#well at least i learned something actually useful and interesting from that and that's enough for me tbh#and a lot of it is also relevant to my current area of interest (digital drawing and computer graphics in general)#well speaking of which i'd better just get back to drawing now lol. just one more left to finish!!!#in short i guess that my new way of dealing with stress is just ignoring it all#well it's worked in some way at least so it can't be an entirely bad thing lol#goosepost
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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just submitted an application for a collab project i have been WAITINGG to come across and participate in and now looking at my art and presented portfolio tbh my art looks like ass all of a sudden.
#mayor talk#vent#sort of. i guess. it is very negative nancy so might as well#i keep hyping this up like im applying for a job and not a low stakes fandom project#but as someone who has been waiting for a zine or collab in my range to accept applications... it sure does feel like high stakes#and now im looking at my submitted and portfolio im like 'nooo theyre gonna hate me cuz my coloring style is inconsistent'#or some other shit#*staring into mirror* i will not shit and cry if i get rejected. i will not shit and#hhh if i do get rejected ill at least have art fight keeping me busy#i am doubtful anyone will draw my white bread ocs but the competition will at least get me drawing At All#cuz my summer vacation so far has been.... very pathetic and depressing :/
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The I feel like she sees me line being said to Eddie who is the person that truly sees Buck for all that he is. Are we supposed to take this line at face value which would indicate piss poor writing because they needed to rush to a horrible ending or do we take it as Buck being an unreliable narrator? What was the audience supposed to interpret from Buck saying that, were we truly supposed to believe him or we supposed to be pissed at Buck for saying this to the one person that truly sees Buck?
Good morning to me, I guess.
I'm assuming you haven't really seen people's reactions in the fandom on tumblr because I feel like I saw this said in quite a few posts going around, but you are absolutely not supposed to take this line at face value. I'm surprised that people think you should. 9-1-1 has from the beginning had a habit of turning friendships into romantic relationships (Bathena and Madney) and taking their time with these things rather than having an instalove situation. Even Karen and Hen, who meet when they're set up on a date together, don't instantly fall in love. I do not think they would set Eddie or Buck up for an endgame relationship with a woman by having them date that woman immediately, even if they didn't plan to make Buddie canon.
Buck is clearly struggling post-death. He's lost and once again looking for the answer from a romantic partner. He did a lot of growth in regards to his family relationships this season but not his romantic ones. Remember, his couch ended up destroyed and he asked his latest girlfriend to pick the new one out for him. Again. He's still not picking his own damn couch. After being unable to sleep on the one his mom gave him but passed out instantly on Eddie's where he ran to feel safe.
If people think this is all, somehow, an accident or the writers are doing this without knowing what they're doing, then I can't help you. Do you also think the symbolism I put into my fanfics are a total accident? Do you guys think I picked the name of the poem "Fuchsia Emerald Alizarin Rose" just because the colors are fun and they accidentally spell out F.E.A.R. or do you think maybe I did that absolutely 100% on purpose and was waiting for someone to realize?
Buck saying that to Eddie is 100% supposed to make the audience raise their eyebrows. Especially when we see Eddie's reaction. He's confused and he's hurt and he's annoyed. Eddie then spends his next few lines showing Buck (and us) that he sees Buck. Buck misses it, it goes right over his head, but the audience is shown that Buck is wrong and Eddie sees him.
I think there was a lot of internal stuff going on behind the scenes way high up the ladder that meant Buddie didn't happen this season. No, I don't mean that in a tinhatting way, I just mean that they knew Fox wouldn't renew them, they didn't know if they'd get picked up somewhere else, Fox hasn't promoted or cared about this show the way it has its other shows in a while, and I think it's pretty clear there was shuffling and changes going on with 6B. So I think things had to be put off. Similar to the pandemic, where I genuinely wonder what kind of season four we would've gotten if we'd had the full 18 episodes and hadn't had to work around Covid. I think that when we know there was a big shift going on behind the scenes, we need to have some grace and patience in how that will effect the story that's told on screen.
But I think that this default to "everything good we see on our screens is an accident and the writers are making shitty choices" is a horrible bad faith argument, and it's exhausting. Aren't you exhausted? I'm exhausted. Fandom shouldn't treat the writing and production team like their enemies any more than the writing and production team should treat the fans like their enemies in some kind of war they have to win (looking at you, GoT showrunners).
We are supposed to be annoyed that Buck is missing the point. We are supposed to see Buck's yearning to be a husband and a father, and how he's missing what's right in front of him. We are supposed to put two and two together and see that Eddie was hurt by Buck's words, that Eddie sees Buck, that Eddie is Buck's safe place, and that Eddie in that moment decided he might not have a chance with Buck and needs to move on, because previously we saw Eddie admit he wants romance again but he doesn't want to go out on dates, we saw his aunt say she met her husband through work, we saw him say 'we have time' and then we saw him immediately after Buck tells him about this new girl who "sees him" flee to visit his mother and then immediately actually try dating. On a meta level this is also because Eddie needs confidence in himself as a romantic partner and needs some more experience under his belt before he's ready to take the plunge with Buck, but in Eddie's mind, I think it's pretty clear he feels Buck will never want him back and he's trying to find the love he wants somewhere else, even if his heart is still Buck's.
So that's what I think. I think it's not explicitly spelled out for a few reasons, but frankly if one of them was a woman we wouldn't need it explicitly spelled out and personally I kinda like that it's not. Something that annoys me with M/F pairings is the constant "we all know you two like each other" talks from third parties that half the time aren't about the characters but are about the audience, to either tell the audience SEE THEY LIKE EACH OTHER THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT or to give the audience some fanservice while the characters aren't ready to get together. I don't need to be pandered to that way, thank you, so I'm a fan of the slightly more subtle approach that I, personally, see going on with Buddie.
If you or anyone else disagrees with me and feels it was just "piss poor writing" then that's entirely your right. I'd just appreciate it if people who feel that way would stop watching the show, and stop putting their complaints into the inboxes of people who clearly do enjoy the show.
TL;DR - You answered your own question, Buck is an unreliable narrator (and always has been) and we are supposed to be frustrated he said this to Eddie who has proven time and again (and does so in that very scene) that he sees Buck.
#lincoln answers things#911 meta#I'd be a lot more open to talking about 6B and the writing#if I felt people understood how much things were clearly going on BTS#and that affected what happened on our screens#and if people were acting in good faith and trusting the writers#I agree that all the fun meta and speculation can become a bit uh#red-string-board for sure#I've seen and even playfully reblogged stuff that I felt was stretching it a bit#but I don't think it's conspiracy thinking or anything of that nature#to assume the writers are able to see what they're putting up on our screens#or that everything good about Buddie is on purpose instead of some happy accident#or that the writers wouldn't do all this stuff if they didn't have the intention of making Buddie canon#because honestly this sort of stuff going on with Buddie I have only seen in two other situations#1. a Xena type situation where the writers could not make it canon but wanted to so did everything else they could get away with#or 2. there was a schism among the powers that be and some or most of the BTS team wanted it but there were others#who did not and so there's a BTS tug of war going on#personally the 911 team seems really united so I don't think it's 2 and I doubt it's 1 but if it is 1 I think the move to ABC will fix that#I think it's more likely it's not 1 or 2 but BTS issues affecting various storylines and writing#(for example when was the last time Athena got a real character arc that lasted a full season like everyone else?)#(when was the last time Athena had genuine growth?)#(I feel like she's mostly the same person she was in season one compared to everyone else's leaps and bounds)#(and that's simply because Angela has been insanely busy filming in other places so she might be in every episode)#(but they can't usually make her a big FOCUS of a season because she hasn't been available)#but I would really like people to presume that maybe just maybe#the people whose careers it is to tell these stories know how to tell these stories#and that not everything we are shown or told by characters should be taken at face value#and that the writers want the audience to do the math themselves#without having to spell everything out constantly#anyway I fucking hate my job and I'm not sleeping well and I'm fucking exhausted so I'm gonna start charging for asks like these
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today! on the agenda we have [tears paper away to reveal the single word 'do'] ...
#just me hi#today on the agenda i've added the words 'draw' and 'make valiant efforts' so >:3👍#//vv has sent me an ask and the sketching. oo it's sketching alright hfhs#am i going to make full character designs for these? probably i have no control in that aspect Hbfhvsfjs#if there is ONE thing i can consistently go all the way with it's character design. i literally could not tell you why that is lmao :3#there are nights where i design whole casts of characters and then Forget About Them ?????? like dude. why did we do all that hbfvh#really i made a cast of like 10 characters one night they all had their signature colours clothes jobs hobbies dislikes and personal#relationships and then i......... never thought about them again hhhfhsh#[holds them up like a wet cat] does anybody want a strange half-baked story with a cast of about 12 people who are all clones of one guy#who's trying to kill them. cuz man hfhsh#//anyway all the sidings from that i think i'm coming out of the Saute Mode#what's Saute Mode? well you see it's when i've already taken out the ready-made good stuff in my brain and now i need to put in new#ingredients and let them get hot and ready again. Saute Mode :3#sure it might just be artblock but i think i need an artbreak sometimes so loll#plus Saute Mode means i get to play viddy games without feeling guilty so YAY :33#but Saute Mode does Also mean i sort of don't. talk to anybody out of my own volition HH#it's the side of the coinage. you understand hfbvhs#//annnnnnywhoodle back to my sketching :>>#posing my wretched beloved.. you are strange and impossible to understand hbvhfs#/:3 toodles !
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Man I gotta get started on that dnd comic idea I've had for a while because if yall like Poetry yall are REALLY gonna like Mystery
#simon says#I might actually make Mystery and Poetry 'sisters'#it's in quotes because Poetry is an Asmodeus tiefling and Mystery is a reborn#to be more specific#Mystery is a Reborn made of 3 Zariel tieflings an Asmodeus tiefling a white dragonborn and a gnome#they're both tieflings but Poetry is also a bard and they're different kinds of tieflings. one fae one infernal#but I think they'd get along well#but yeah I realized 'oh boy if yall like this little pink ball of sunshine get ready for a little yellow ball of sunshine!'#I'll have to draw art tomorrow after work but I do like the idea of Mystery and Poetry being found family of some sort#mainly because I think they would get along#they're both silly little warlocks#but yeah I really need to get that dnd comic idea started#i had this idea for a while and im really attached to it#i wanna get back into making comics and I wanna use these dnd characters while not getting rid of their dnd-ness#I'll probably post about it more this year#i got like two projects im working on out of passion and my love of the crafts (video games and comics)#but I'm also working on making an income from my art or just finding a job i enjoy that suits me#whatever comes first#but yeah I am absolutely gonna talk about my characters more soon because I love them so much and I just KNOW yall will love them too#they're very loveable little guys#a group of the fantasy equivalent of 20-something adventurers#specifically 4 of them#i HAVE been debating on adding one more but that might just be a later addition to the cast or not at all#I'll absolutely post about them more as I work on the comic#I'm worried about posting about it now since like#the designs could change??#like the characters themselves are set in stone but i am STRUGGLING with outfit design#gonna have to figure out some comfy camp outfits or something so I can draw and post them here before I decide on their main outfits#except Cardamon he's perfect just the way he is#I got his wizardly swag down perfectly on the second try
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Ur just with the wrong people
do you guys ever feel like an outcast even in a group full of outcasts. like i'm autistic and even in groups full of neurodivergent people i'm still excluded sometimes. i don't understand why
#i work at a retro game store where the bulk of the employees; the owner included; are all neurodivergant#that workplace has been one of my favorite places in the world to be simce i started working there. i get along well with everyone because#each of them see me and know me for who i am and the work that i do; and while they have their faults i care for and accpet them as they are#and they do the same for me. the one “gripe” i sort of had with the newer staff we were hiring was that patience and care we had with#each other wasnt being readily extended to our lower functioning customers; arguably the ones who need that understanding the most#so i started doing double shifts with them and slowing introducing the idea of “making their experience a good one”#because a lot of our lower functioning customers have caretakers that come into the store with them; which means coming to our store is#not just something they're doing on a whim; it's a planned part of the day that for some of them is meant to be a highlight#so when i phrased it like that; and brought to their attention that this is kind of job that isnt for people who arent good with empathy#the good news is empathy is like creativity. it's a muscle that you can make stronger#point being; i had to make that chamge among my coworkers/friend group and for their own good; but for the good of people like us that'll#walk into the store. the magic about this is thise skills will benefit them outside of this job; the skill to be kind and gentle and#considerate with people you might not feel comfortable with is invaluable this day and age. if you're worried you cant?#dont. they thought the same thing and now we get 5 star reviews about the both of them. you can be the change you want to see in the people#around you. if youre just not getting that around yoj? find some new friends
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