#and i never asked my parents bc they dont understand it and im tired of trying to explain so yeah

[ankiebitez]

Comfort

tags: amon x gn! reader (as far as i know), hurt/comfort kinda, implications of the mcs parents death, implications of amons parents death

note: not beta read, drabble i wrote last night bc i could sleep, probably ooc but oh well. mc is kind of just based on my own feelings so. wrote this bc amons my babygirl, posting bc there should be more for him

you were currently staying in the avisos palace for the next few days, courtesy to bael hoping to lure beelzebub back once again. despite being used as bait, bael was at least kind enough to give you your own room to stay in, though now it wasnt exactly being used.

you dont know what exactly it was, but you couldn't get your brain to shut off so you could rest. your brain was just too full of thoughts that you usually tried to suppress, but as much as you wish they'd dissappear they never seem to. instead deciding to haunt you late at night when there's nothing you can do to push them away.

after getting tired of your restlessness you decided to take a walk through the empty halls of the palace, hoping this would do to clear your mind so you could rest.

unfortunately your thoughts only seemed to echo in time with your footsteps, bouncing off the walls of your brain until it was too much to hold together anymore.

quietly you sat down by one of the windows, cracking it slightly to let the cool air hit your face that felt like it was burning up.

truly you didnt know why you were crying now of all times, you were in hell where tons of devils loved you, but you couldn't help but still feel lonely.

a hard painful lump was in your throat while you tried your best to keep quiet with your sobs and sniffles, not wanting to wake anyone. you wouldn't know how to explain why you're crying, there wasnt really a true reason, sometimes you just need it.

despite your attempts to keep quiet, the sound of foot steps came through the hall to the room you were in.

you quickly tried to wipe your face to hide any traces but there wasnt really a need as a blonde haired demon carefully entered the room.

"oh, its you... you're crying" amon thought aloud almost curiously. he had been on night patrol through the palace, making sure no one had snuck inside or if beelzebub had returned yet.

amon came closer to you by the window, a look of concern on his face. "is something wrong? are you hurt?" he asked, looking over you for any signs of physical harm.

you shook your head a bit embarrassed, though there was no hint of judgment in his eyes. "no im okay i was just having a hard time sleeping and all i guess... i dont even know why im crying its just... stuff from when i was younger and i just..." you trailed off, the painful lump in your throat and watery eyes returning.

you didn't need to finish your sentence though, amon had been told about your past already and he can understand without words how pain from years ago can still hurt just as deeply, how you can feel just as lonely.

"oh... I can keep you company if youd like" amon offered, sitting beside you and offering to hold you.

with a hesitant nod, you let amon pull you close to his chest, placing you on his lap and holding you tightly in his arms, feeling the tears continue to well up in your tired eyes despite the feeling of comfort he gave.

amon didnt let go or push you away, only holding you tighter and letting you cry into his chest as you needed.

he silently understood the way you felt, understanding the need to release pressure on these old feelings sometimes, and even though he cant make the lonely feeling dissappear, he promises to keep you company through them.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas, reg kin anon here

(cw/tw for medical stuff, including cancer, chemo, and the side effects of such)

so ive now been living away from home for like 2 weeks (woo!) but im visiting home this weekend to pick up a few more bits and pieces (and tbh to visit my cats ♡)

my sister messaged when she found out (i assume our parents mentioned it? i never told her) to warn me that since i left, our mother had had another chemo appointment and has now lost most of her hair, so that i wasnt caught off guard when i got home and saw her, and also that shes v tired all the time and doesnt eat much anymore

first of all - this was a big surprise to me that she'd tell me this because shes really not a sympathetic/gentle person?? but when i spoke to my father he never said anything about it so im v grateful she told me beforehand

secondly - since moving out, ive sort of let myself forget about the cancer? if that makes sense? its been kind of 'out of sight out of mind' yknow? and im so afraid to suddenly be faced with very obvious signs of her illness because im honestly very comfortable living in denial until i cant anymore

so now im listening to 'soon youll get better' by taylor swift on repeat and trying not to cry over it because as much as i dont have a good relationship with my mother, i dont want her to be sick, and even though i know it will happen i don't want her to die. i think it wouldve almost been easier if i had stayed home this whole time, because then her decline would sort of be slow enough where i wouldnt notice so much? whereas now in my head shes going from still being quite healthy to being really sick and i dont want to see that

i feel like that makes me sound like a bad person too. like im almost considering just not visiting between this upcoming weekend and christmas just so that i dont have to watch her get worse, and that makes me feel like shit both ways

also so much for not having a breakdown bc i had to stop twice while writing this to have a little cry 🫠

Hi hon!

I'm so sorry that things with your mum aren't going well. I want to remind you though that however you're feeling about this is okay and valid. People handle illness in so many different ways and no way is the right way.

I do want to give you a very gentle and loving reminder, though. You mentioned maybe not visiting until Christmas. I understand the desire to not visit and it's extremely valid. But if you do decide not to visit, I just have to ask..is Christmas guaranteed? I don't want to pry or bring up possibilities that could be impossible, but with cancer, time can be a huge factor. Not visiting is still your choice to make, and I support you if you make it, but make sure you make an informed choice, you know?

I'm so sorry and I can't even imagine how horrible this is to go through. I'm sending you so much love and I'm so proud of you for talking about your feelings <3

[cherienymphe]

i was the og anon who said “dont be a white boys first black gf” examples on why it was awful :

~ didnt give me a warning that his parents were extremely predjudice - just was always like

“idk just dont like get offended if they say something off hand” SAYING THIS WHILE WE WERE ON THE WAY TO MEET THEM. like do not ever put a black girl in an unsafe space oh my gods

they came across as “civil” but once they found out i was actually african coming from immigrant family the back handedness got worse

~ had a blackout post on his insta HAHAHAHAHAH

~ dont get me started on rap music. never said the word around me and i was confident he didnt, then his friend sent me a snap of him saying it when he was his buddies and like laughed (his friend was a real one omg)

~ always asked why i was wearing a bonnet when id send him like a random selfie or go on facetime while i was at home and i was like nigga im at home ?

way more but im tired, but i hope this helps the other anons replying to my ask. it truly was like a weird time and i appreciated his non racist friends who had my back, nothing kkk but its the south so i wouldnt put it behind them HAHAHAH

Yeah all of this sounds about right. Especially that first one. Idk what it is with white people and putting their partners of color in legitimate harmful situations like being on the receiving end of RACISM. If you have no intention of nipping that in the bud once you start dating that person before bringing them around then what even is the point

I lowkey wanna tell you to homie hop but the homie was kekeing with them when they said it or at the very least didn't speak up so 🤷🏾‍♀️

Ngl the bonnet one is craaazy but maybe I'm just used to white men who have some understanding of black culture or parts of it. Him not knowing what a bonnet is lowkey gives me the ick bc it's 2023 my guy 😭

[chicspo]

this may be very long but i want to explain in depth so u can understand my situation better so im sorry but here goes,

ill give u some info about myself first: im 18 i go to university and i spend most of my time there, i live with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. im not a touchy person, especially if im tired and spent my entire day studying. i care so much about certain people but im not good at showing it, and i dont exactly intend on changing this. i show my sister and my parents a lot of love and they know i love them but i can do this bc theyre family and i knoe our bonds are unbreakable no matter what.

ok so heres the situation, i want to be alone. i want to live on my own and im comfortable with not having many friends (i have some really good friends that moved for uni and i text them kinda often and i know our bonds are unbreakable) but im fine with not making more friends if its uncomfortable or whatever. but recently i think my boyfriend has noticed im distancing myself from him, unintentionally, but i care a lot about how i do in university so im dedicating myself to it. i dont ever initiate anything with him (sexually or just touchy in general) but i never really have to be honest. yes at the beginning of our relationship i was younger and more carefree and our relationship was fun to me so i was more touchy but never very touchy.

he told me how he feels like i dont love him bc i never try to start anything with him and im always at school and i was kind of cold to be honest i told him i love him bc i dont want to break his heart and it is true, i do love him and i care so much about him but i dont want to be either him anymore. its just so hard bc we live together and we have cats together and gis family loves me i’ve visited them in florida (i live in canada) twice and we’re planning on visiting them again for Christmas. i dont know what he would do if we broke up. he would br incredibly hesrt broken and im genuinely worried he would k1ll himself bc his step dad is abusive and both his parents drink all the time and dont rlly care about him, he doesnt have many friends, just one that is always at work so he never sees him, and he has an online job so he never goes out. he does a lot for me tho. he cleans the apartment A LOT whenever im gone (im a clean freak) and he tells me im the most beautiful girl in the world, he touches me and hugs me and kisses me, tells me he missed me so much, tells me im his world and that he wants to look after me when we’re old, that he wants to have a daughter with me, he buys the groceries, cat stuff, hr buys me little random things he thinks ill like. he’s honestly a really amazing boyfriend. but i dont want a boyfriend. i cant tell him that tho. i want to talk to my mom about this and ask her advice but she thinks hes a low life bc he has an online job and doesnt go out, he has chronic back pain and has to take medication and he smokes weed everyday. she knows he takes really good care of me tho.

my sisters planning on moving in with us when shes done highschool (this school year) and i want to just live with her. i dont know what to do bc we have such a concrete relationship thats more serious than anything and we care about eachother so much. he loves out apartment, its the first place hes lived without an abusive family and hes so happy. im in such a bad situation in my head rn.

i understand ur concern but u always have to put urself first. and i think with having to asking me or ur mom or anyone else all ur looking for is for someone to validate ur feelings. u dont need anyones approval for this. u dont want to be with him then dont be. ur not his mom. the most u can do for him is have a talk with him, when u tell him ur decision, and try to orient him in life the best u can. however thats none of ur responsibility. if u fear he has no other relationships other than the one u two have u can tell him that. if u believe he should get a different job tell him. his life seems pretty bleak and lonely, and he copes by focusing on you. that isnt healthy. he should also look out for himself first and he should have bigger goals in life. a future with you or any other woman isnt a goal or achievement. all he does by telling u he wants to take care of u when u get old or have kids together is mentally trap u so you wont leave him. he cant be that weak. he needs to learn to be independent. and u already seem more than capable and independent, so if u want to live alone or with ur sister u should do so. its great that ur so focused on ur school. its ur life u should do with it what u want

[ashtraysystem]

I'm so freaking frustrated.

I wanted to enjoy my dinner in peace, play a little sims, watch some tv, relax!! Because I've been working on homework and trying to get stuff done!!!

and then my dad starts badgering me about the cats litter box even though I'm the only one who does it consistently. I do what I'm asked to do!!! and then we get on this whole convo about how our cat might need to go to the vet and being accused of wrongfully giving him wetfood after hes gotten sick even though thats actually the right thing to do because it keeps his liquids up because thats a cats preferred source of hydration!!!

and then after all that and after very clearly hearing that I am upset and stressed he asked me to do the dishes!! as if that would help????? yes i know the dishes need to get done but there are what, 4 other very capable individuals in the house who can do it???

If others can say no to doing chores when they are grumpy or tired or sad or mad or whatever then I get to too!!

I just wanted a solid 20 minutes to watch an episode and relax before having to do homework again and now im pissed the hell off and would much rather break a dish than clean any.

My dad doesn't understand that doing the dishes in this household takes so much of my energy that I'd much rather run a fucking marathon than do them. Dishes hurts my legs, back, feet, hands, and wrists, like hell do I want to stand there doing them! If there was a more accessible way to do them, then sure, I'd do it, but in this household it feels like anything any of us try to do that's considered accessible is deemed either laziness or selfishness by him.

He doesn't understand any of us when it comes to our disabilities. He doesn't understand that even though I don't complain all the time like my sibling does, I have chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and I live through it while my doctor just says "oh its probably just bc ur fat" or some bullshit like that. I'm so done. So done!!!

I want it to be the future already. The future where I live in my own little space and can do whatever the fuck I please, where I dont have to constantly clean up after 6 people who don't know how to pick up after themselves and 2 cats.

I got in fucking trouble TWICE earlier for leaving a fucking can out. A. CAN. specifically a can of wet food for the cats bc I had fed them and accidentally left it on the counter. Meanwhile everyone else leaves bowls of cereal and cups of milk to go rancid on the table. Crumbs left all over the floor. Drop some food? Oh no worries it'll just stay on the floor for the next however many months until parents decide to have adult company over. I'm jiust so extremely frustrated about it all and trying to teach myself that I can say no, that its literally okay for me to say "no im not going to do that" is okay because fuck it, theres no consequences! what are they gonna do, kick me out? stop paying for my phone bill? Stop paying for my college? No, they would never, they care too much. And so do I. So I do whatever the fuck I can to survive. Surviving college, surviving this damned house, surviving surviving surviving.

[j1998v]

my big sister is so fucking exhausting to be around that i have to leave the room in order to protect myself.

im seriously so tired of her, the way she acts, behaves, her mindset, every. single. thing.

im constantly in a turmoil bc im a Christian and love thy neighbor, but she is one of the only two people i hate in this world (the other is my father of course)

i have forgiven everyone but -

oh im tearing up typing this haha . i have forgiven everyone but she. she. i fucking hate her so much , she makes my life miserable. it is an absolute HELL to live with heri hate living with her

she doesnt know how to turn down her volume in the house for my baby sister at all

-she is the messiest and most disgusting person ive ever fucking known. i dont even know how its possible to live like she does, she LOVES filth im actually starting to cry from the rage in my heart. im so fucking sick and tired.

-i even told my mama that sometimes i pretend she doesnt exist ; the reason is because, we have chores right ? she never does her chores AT ALL. we are 4 sisters, her the oldest, me second, another sister and a baby sister . SHE NEVER DOES ANYTHING . I CANNOT . CANNOT EXPLAIN ENOUGH HOW MUCH SHE DOESNT DO SHIT.

i have prayed. countless fucking times about her to the Lord. asking Him to give me strength to keep tolerating her, times when i pray and just scream. she is insufferable. the heavens knows how miserable she makes me. saying that i am sick and tired of her is an understatement.

my parents joked . "haha youre like the oldest sibling haha"

oh. how fucking funny. that fucking hurts me so fucking bad. i assure you that she was never in my life. she was never there for me. she was absent my entire life. so of course im the most mad at her in my family; where was the big sister i needed? now im full on crying lmfao.

i am. just so sick.

we have a small shop, we'll never be rich but food is always on the table

but she.... SHE IS SO FUCKING STUPID

SHE THINKS WE ARE RICH OR SOMETHING, SHE JUST EATS EVERYTHING IN OUR SHOP. SHE DOES NOT THINK. LORD IN HEAVEN ABOVE I AM FUCKING SICK OF HER - SHE EATS ALL OUR PROFIT. i want to scream. please...

does anyone get me PLEASE... please understand how frustrated i am.. she just eats and eats and takes and takes.... we have no profit... how will we make a living if she keeps up this act? i only take things from the shop when necessary , anyone would be angry too........... im tired

and when i tell her about this she just rolls her eyes, sometimes saying "you are younger than me dont tell me what to do" you are acting like a child you bitch.

its not just me as well, my mother, MOTHER, has vented to me multiple times about her . about how nothing can get to her head . do you know how fucking stupid u have to be that your MOTHER vents to her child about you ??

i hate living with her .

[mira-razzy]

“Why are you always sad? I dont understand.”

“How can you be sad? You have everything.”

“Why do you always seem so moody? You dont even tell us anything.”

I wish I knew. I wish I knew why I was upset. I wish I knew why everyday I wake up & immediately feel like ending my life. Im so sick & tired of people blaming me for my sadness.

“Happiness is a choice.”

I never chose to be sad. I don’t want to be sad. More than anything in this life I want to be happy. I pray for my happiness every hour of the day. I tried. I tried so much.

“Maybe you’re sad bcs of this & this.”

I wish I could easily pin point why I was upset. But no, someone who doesnt even talk to me on a daily basis magically knows why I’m constantly sad.

I hate people who blame me for my sadness & thinks they know why I’m upset. I wish I knew.

Being depressed is so frustrating. You start to realize you really are alone. People say “i’m here for you” but are they really? How many times have I tried reaching out for help. No one responded. Not my family, not my friends.

My head, my heart is bursting. Internally im constantly screaming, asking for help. I’m trying. I want to yell at everyone who asks me “why are you sad?” And people who just simply can’t understand that I’m sad.

Why am i not allowed to be sad? Why cant I be sad? Why cant my family understand that I’m human with emotions? Why do they immediately assume the worst of me.

I want to die. That’s all I want to do. I want to harm myself. Bang my head against the wall until my skull bursts & my brain explodes. Slit my wrists. Slap myself so many times my skin becomes raw.

I’m so tired of living.

I’ve tried. My parents dont understand why I’m sad. My mom gets mad at me for crying at work & crying to her. Telling me I have to be tough. My family my own parents dont believe in mental health.

“Pray,”

I have. I have I have I have.

I want to scream.

I have.

I’ve tried.

And i’ve tried again. And again. And again.

I don’t have the support I need. From the people I love most.

No one understands.

I’ve tried. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I’ve tried over and over again I’ve tried. I’ve always tried my best in everything I do. Everything. Every single thing.

I want to scream again. To everyone.

I’ve tried. I’m trying. Please don’t be mad at me. Please don’t blame me. Don’t make it worse.

At this very second all I could think of is jumping off the balcony. Im so close to doing that.

The only thing pulling me away is my faith in my religion.

[coccyodynia]

things:

this one is gonna be all over the place bc there's a lot of things i haven't dealt with yet or even acknowledged but i need to do something with them so weird tumblr post it is!

i haven't slept well in months for a number of reasons (ornery cat, back pain etc) and its really catching up to me

my health is still very much in flux but i am very very broke and cannot afford my health insurance and/or co-pays so i've basically stopped pursuing any kind of treatment/appointments for now, just trying to deal with the pain as much as i can :/

i am still without a dayjob and thats gonna become a problem very quickly :/

im getting back into the habit of making art on a more regular or consistent basis, which i am happy about!!

since i quit my job i've had a noticeable improvement in my moods, overall outlook and depression symptoms. a lot of people around me (therapist, parents, grandma, friends) have made comments about how they've noticed this

i've been working really hard on my coping skills and other inner-work to improve my life and relationships and it's really working i think, so i'm happy about that

my apartment is looking a lot better, usually when my depression/moods are really bad my kitchen becomes pretty much unusable, but since i've been more free to focus on things in my life i've been keeping it cleaner and i'm happy about that too

the semester started a few weeks ago, and im enjoying my class/students! im really excited about the rest of the semester and to see what my students make

i had a tarot reading that kind of blew my mind last weekend and i'm still sort of reeling from it tbh

she spoke a lot about my inner turmoil and the past, and being content with a found family (at least that's how i interpreted it) in my future, while having a strong support system presently

interestingly she never said much of anything at all about relationships outside of that, which i took to heart

i've sort of always believed i would never have a life partner/long-term relationship, but instead the universe would continue passing people through my life on timelines appropriate to how these relationships serve me

i think people like lillian and kym will always be around for sure, but my life has shown a pretty consistent pattern of people being introduced to my life at a time when i desperately needed someone and slowly removing them from my life when i learned what i needed to learn (mannie, reid, michael, justin, henry, so on and so forth)

i know that this is what's happening with justin and on one hand i'm understanding of that, on the other hand i'm very upset about it

i really dont know where he and i stand right now, he's in a new job and trying to spend more time with his kid, so he's less available to talk/hang

it really hurts, because he really did save my life in some form or fashion, and to have that comforting presence slowly disappear has been incredibly difficult

i've really been avoiding talking about this with anyone, like my therapist and closest friends because i am not sure how i will handle the grief once i let myself really accept it/deal with it

last night Lil asked me "how are things with justin?" and i gave some weird vague response like "not sure, i'll tell you when i figure it out"

her followup question, after a slight pause, was: "are you okay?"

i had to laugh because obviously no i'm not okay with this but i dont have a choice, so i'm handling it as well as i can - but i told lil that i probably am not handling it as well as i should

i got very drunk the other night and had an incredibly bad time, sobbing hysterically and screaming basically, bc i am so tired of people just coming and going from my life

my notes app on my phone is just full of one-liners about this bullshit and i feel like a stereotype, moreso than usual

one-liners include:

"people would rather leave than extend the grace i offered them from the start"

"it only hits me sometimes, but i feel it every fucking day"

"found rotten at the root, i am being picked clean"

"people just move on, they move on and forward at a clip and im still here - still here still here still here - no matter how far i move, im still stuck here"

so im not in a great headspace about all of this

but i am at least doing better handling it than i might have been 6 months ago tbh

literally anyway...

last night i had a dream that featured reid and erin and cobb

we used to be the 'dream team' back in high school & college

the dream was weird and i don't fully remember the plot but i do remember waking up very sad and confused

i dont associate with them at all anymore and that might be for the best

but somehow reid keeps coming up in my dreams, i had one the other week where they asked me "is this separation working for you? it's not working for me" basically asking to come back into my life

my response in the dream was "i dont think about you at all anymore" which isn't entirely true obviously, but i've definitely moved on quite a bit

it's almost exactly 2 years since they left my life (sept 24), so i'm sure that's why this is coming up in my dreams

but that also means it's been almost exactly 2 years since i last self harmed (oct 3) and i'm glad about that

when i reached 1 year clean from SH back in 2022 i told justin that i wasn't sure who to talk to about it, since the person i usually told was the reason it happened in the first place

and justin was very very supportive, kind and reassuring

i'm really sad that i'm not sure he would be anymore

i have a little more capacity to handle these kinds of things now that ive quit my job that made me suicidal

but i still want to have that extra support, extra care and i don't know how to have that need met, if that makes sense

idk im just low-key sad underneath everything and all of the progress i've made. its just that im not using drugs or self-medicating to deal with it

idk bye

[writers-ex]

Istg i am so tense today 💀

So yesterday was Friday. Its Saturday morning here rn, btw. And some of my friends werent coming to college due to personal reasons. Now because everyone is usually busy in their work, no one has time to send the notes from the classes, so they told everyone to take the day off. Our Fridays are shorter days btw.

Being the head girl of the college, i tried to stop them cuz it might get us in trouble. But they didnt listen, so everyone was taking the day off. So i also thought that there is no reason to go to the college cuz no ones coming. So no one came, as planned.

EXCEPT ONE GIRL. She advertised the plan of not coming to college to everyone on our insta group, and then she just backed out. We thought that it was ok as long as she didnt tell anyone.

BUT THEN WHAT HAPPENED? We get a message from the teachers, saying that the parents have to tell the reason why everyone except that girl came. We panicked a bit but we all had our excuses. We decided not to message the teacher and just tell our excuses on Monday.

And thats where it all came crashing down. We just got a message, like 5 mins before the time i am writing this, that our whole class except that girl will be heavily penalized because we 'lied to our parents about the day being off' and 'breaking the college discipline code'. Btw we never lied to our parents.

Anyways, we found out that THAT GIRL SNITCHED ON US, SENT OUR CHAT'S SCREENSHOTS TO THE PRINCIPAL, AND GOT OUT OF THE PLAN LIKE SHE WAS NEVER INVOLVED. Mind you, if her parenyts had agreed to let her take the day off, she would never have come to school. And she was so unapologetic too. Like i get that we werent all innocent, but snitching and throwing everyone under the bus is so wrong 😭😭😭

I never liked that girl tbh. She fails her classes, she is not good at any extra curriculars, she is a wannabe teachers pet. And she visits the washroom 10 times a day idk why. Thats suspicious, if you ask me.

Im sorry for this long story, but i just wanted to vent out. Please pray for me and my class 😓

-🦔

this girl sounds horrible so i hope your weekend is better, i am glaring at her from my laptop and patting your back as well >:( rude little troll- please keep me posted bc this sounds…i want to know you are ok plz

side rant that happened with a girl in my class that turned out to be a cousin of mine…she so fricking ditzy giggling and making the teacher answer the most randomest questions in class while they give us lecture like bish wait or write it down BUT NO she keeps going and asking about the test and only paying attention to a lecture if its going to be on a test and not the actual INFORMATION WE NEED TO DO THE JOB LIKE BISH LIFE ISN"T ABT A GRADE????? i care abt my grade and study but like i want to perform the actual job correctly so even if the textbook is old i want to understand the idea and actually perform the task up to the standards NOT WEAR MY HEADPHONES AND LEAVE RANDOMLY FOR ABT AN HOUR OF CLASS ONLY TO BUG THE TEACHER ABT DOING THE LECTURE AGAIN BC YOU "LEFT SOMETHING IN UR CAR" why do you have to leave TEN TIMES A DAY TO UR CAR?????????????????? and then she hugs and hangs out with me like nothing happens and smells dirty like idk ur home life but shower or borrow my perfume please TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT dont even get me started on her cheating and she has the nerve to complain abt her grades being one point less when she cheats??????????? i study and earn my grade honestly PISS OFF but i usually just smile and walk away before i punch the wall <3 bro this wednesday i was cleaning instruments during our BUSIET CLINIC EVER so i had to clean everything for eight hours straight with no help and one classmate lost a tiny screw in the sink when i left to grab some water BC I HAVEN"T DRANK WATER IN LIKE FIVE HOURS?????? so im tired, thirsty, and surviving off some milk i drank in the morning bc we don't get breaks for food either and THIS GIRL HAS THE NERVE TO LAUGH AND HUG ME SAYING THAT SHE WANTS ME TO CLEAN HER ROOM BC SHE NEEDS TO GET SMT IN HER CAR WHILE IM PANCIKING ABT LOOSING THIS SCREW THATS EXPENSIVE AND INSTRUMENTS ARE PILING (and god im so mad rn) and its all a blur after that bc i think i cried or blacked out and kept cleaning ignoring her :') i hate my life bc she thinks we're buddies and i want to slap her

whew rant over….so sorry to sound so violent this girl gets me mad and did also b4 we left class yesterday (it was friday for me) GAH

[everything-i-couldnt-tell-u]

my mom still doesnt get that her forcing me to believe in god rn is making shit worse. i told her that the problems is her forcing me all the time to pray and become religious when in fact it just reminds me of before and is triggering me. she wont fucking understand that ill deal with religion once ive finished fixing my shit up. yk what she said to me? she said she's not gonna stop forcing me to become a christian cause she firmly believes its the only way to fix me. see? shes so closed minded and then expects me to become better. why not try listening to my reason that her forcing me to become religious just fucks me up even more? like bro ill be a christian when i want to but not now okay? cant she fucking understand that?

she kept forcing me to tell her what i hate sm about her cause she wants to be a better mom, and when i finally said its because of her forcing me to be religious, she says right into my face without any intentions of listening to my reasons that she wont stop it. she said shes gonna stop for a while, but once im mentally stable after therapy, she's gonna force me again. i cant with her anymore. i bet shes gonna go crying and controlling me if ever i become an atheist or maybe a different religion cause shes so obsessed with me getting saved and for me to go to heaven cause she loves me.

and you wanna know whats worse? i cant leave this house til i get a job cause i dont wanna starve either and i dont know a single shit on how to live and feed myself. i cant even cross the streets or buy things by myself cause she has always been gatekeeping me.

and then earlier she vents right into my face again that she's sorry she couldnt raise me like a great mom would. shes sorry that she couldnt support me. shes sorry cause she said her parents didnt give her any of those too. now im guilt tripped again and im supposed to feel sorry for her and understand her again? im supposed to suck it up one more time and get traumatized even further cause my parents are mentally unstable? am i supposed to pretend to do what she wants again just so i can escape from her nagging all the time? like she wont stop unless i do what she wants. but i cant leave this house either cause how the hell am i gonna eat? where am i gonna sleep?

she said shes gonna give me a link to a therapist that she might give me to, but at this state?? i dont actually know... my dads already closed himself off from us and theyre fighting bc of money again. its impossible that my dad would even be giving us something to pay for my therapy, so im not gonna get my hopes up.

and also whenever my mom argues with my dad, she doesnt shut up about god either. i kinda understand my dad why he just shuts himself off cause my mom's too close minded. my dads got issues too, like alot. but my moms just not someone you should really be arguing with cause she doesnt really stop talking about god.

when i tried confronting her that she's the problem and that her not shutting up about god was the thing making me feel worse, she said i was disrespecting god. see? i hate it so much honestly.

i dont wanna hear anymore of her and i dont want her trying to help me with this. its not helping i swear, but she insists and never gets tired of forcing god to me. i already told her im not ready to deal with that and asked her to stop. she said she'd temporarily stop and i hate it. she has no plans of stopping it.

im really just so sick of me being the bad example every bible study they do. im sick of them telling me my life was fucked up cause i never prayed. im sick of them. and i dont wanna hear anything about the bible anymore til ive recovered cause it just reminds me every time that my family sees me as some kind of demon. they see my rage as a symbol that the devil has control of me. its so fucking annoying. it was originally grief that i couldnt let out cause my mom shuts me up every time i break down. she forced me to suck up and not cry, so i ended up turning my sadness into this uncontrollable rage. this rage of mine was built up and was in me for years BECAUSE OF HER. AND NOW SHE TELLS ME THAT IF I DONT LET GO OF THAT RAGE IT WILL RUIN ME? WHO THE FUCK WAS THE REASON I GOT THIS RAGE HUH?

she said shes aware she was a bad parent before but shes asking for a second chance. she said i shouldnt shut myself off from her just because of what happened. actually she said she'd understand it that ill never forgive her, but it would be alot better for both of us if i wouldnt be so scared of fixing this with her...

that actually made me kinda regret what i did to you. yeah i was hurt a lot but by cutting you off from my life just made me more miserable, which wouldnt have happened if i tried fixing it with you. if i didnt shut you off and gave you a chance to fix it, then i wouldnt be drowning in my own sadness. im sorry if this is annoying cause i always dont know how to deal with my problems. im sorry if im still so conflicted right now and asking if i can come back to you when youve already let go and ive already hurt you by saying that im leaving. im really sorry for asking this but if you'd ever read this i wish i can come back. i wont forget that youve hurt me and broke my trust, but mistakes happen. i shouldnt be too sensitive and closing myself every time something happens. i know its too late but if it would really be fine if i come back...

[tshifty]

i asked her where the cats are and she was like theyre back with my parents bc my parents are back from their trip why????? lmaoooooooo so they are goooooooone what on earth 😭 it gets so confusing bc she says they're her cats but??? are they????? i really think they are her parents cats that she borrows randomly for a week or for months and then is like nah im done. it's SO fascinating to me bc i could Never like damn when i have a dog im not putting the dog on loan to go between my family's homes ???? is this Normal???? do yall do this with your pets??????? do yall like borrow your parents' cats who are also your cats for a few weeks or a few months and then decide like youre done and then the cats go live w someone else for a while????????? that feels so unhealthy for the cats tbh but idk. but yeah she fully says like these are her cats, it isnt like she long term pet sits ???? but also lmao?????? like i just DONT understand it's like she gets tired of them and ships them away to boarding school lmfao i cannot

update! the cats are gone again. the cats had been here for Months. so many months. i thought they finally were here to stay!! suddenly they are gone, no explanation given. and so the social experiment continues lmfao

[taesaqua]

can someone explain to me how does pre-ordering an album work like do you get a random version of an album orrrr you get to chose when the info comes out pls help the dumbass me thank u 

[m1nyrds]

.

[salsdemise]

Kiyo with an s/o whos going through a rough time

Mini vent at the end bc ajhsjh i have not been doing great

Hhhhahsd ive been feeling down, mentally ill things, but i needed to write something so one of my biggest character comforting a trans(ftm)!s/p going through a rough patch. Based on my own mental struggles recently :) Ive had no motivation so this is the first thing ive made in months that ive liked even somewhat so yea enjoy

he/they for kiyo, he/him for reader

Tw for mentions of declining mental health, transphobia(mentioned), suicidal thoughts(mentioned). Please stay safe <3

playlist?: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/47tMeqTMGZQl31SQwt62A1

-First notices it when you’re at home

-he came over to help you study after you had asked, and instead he found you at your desk, head in hands a drawing you had tried so hard on scribbled out in frustration

- “s/o, dear? Are you alright?” his voice is soft and gentle as they set his bag down, going over to you.

-When you say nothing and just sigh, he’s concerned. Putting his hands on your shoulders, he intends to move you but you lean back in your chair, looking at him before standing up and suggesting you study elsewhere.

-not wanting to push the matter, they agree and you both leave.

-notices again over texts. Usually you were quick to respond, but now you were taking upwards of 15 minutes and they were getting worried.

-while he's on his way to your place, you’re in your room, barely focusing on anything, still in your pjs, too tired and out of it to get changed. But it had been that way for a few days now.

-you were letting things get ahead of yourself and it was overwhelming. It was getting to the point you were considering the worst.

-with the comments from your parents, classmates, anyone online, it was only hurting you. You were sure korekiyo didn’t really care.

-until they’re at your door, knocking frantically, concern etched on their face when you open the door.

-”Oh..my dear, you had me worried..” he’s taking in your appearance as he walks in, shutting the door behind himself. Your hair is messy, greasy and knotted, your skin turning grey and rough from not showering, your clothes were wrinkled and dirty. You couldn’t meet his eye, you were sure they thought you were disgusting.

-reaching for you, slowly so as not to startle you, they put a hand on your shoulder and one on your chin, making you look up at him.

- “Talk to me, my love. What has you so down?”

-that was all it took for something to snap inside of you. The feeling of empty numbness turned into sadness, tears running down your cheeks, your body shaking with the sobs you let out.

-Holding you close, Korekiyo quietly suggested he take you to your room, and though you hesitated, you agreed. -once in the room, kiyo had you sit on the bed with him and they listened as you talked, explained, apologized.

-”Darling, there's no need to apologize for this. I understand the feeling, not feeling like anyone cares, or not feeling important. I understand not wanting to get up and take care of yourself. All we can do is take slow steps to work on that, together. I would never judge you based on this. I find you amazing no matter how you look or feel, that is why I have loved you ever since we started talking. Come now, let's get you cleaned up, yes?”

-the whole time you’re struggling with this feeling, he’s by your side, comforting you, rooting for you, helping you.

-And even if that feeling never fully goes away, They’re helping keep it at bay.

vent this way dont read if you dont want to see me complain lol

Mental illnesses fucking suck, especially untreated. Early september i was diagnosed with depression and im not getting ANY help despite needing it so hahhaa. How i cope is with sitting here frustrated and sobbing while beating myself up for the tiniest things lol. I hope you guys are/are able to get the help you might need :,)

[loverofallthingssmart]

Keefitz or Linhella?

hmm ill do linhella since i like them more than keefitz !! <3 (sorry keefitz moots.....i just...yeah)

when I started shipping it if I did: i think around nightfall? when marella got reintroduced i was like hmmmmm

my thoughts: i love them i love them i love them so so so much

What makes me happy about them: theyre just. theyre very comfortable together !! and they can comfort each other with their ability specific insecurities because theres just a mutual understanding between them and also i just think,,,, lesbians

What makes me sad about them: that theyre never going to be canon </3

things done in fanfic that annoys me: LMAO yall are going to be SO tired of me with this im am absolute bitch when it comes to fanfic interpretations, here we go: i hate white girl linh some of yall dont know how to write asian characters or actually put time into researching especially when it comes to their parents or typically asian things that would happen such as holidays or how their household would be run and it shows. especially when it comes to coming out. i just. theres a special thing with families of color and pride (which is. complicated and im not going get into LMAO) and OBVIOUSLY i love marellinh fics and i read a lot but. im tired. ALSO some characterizations of marella where she's not emotional and just brash and rude dont understand her character at all, she cares a LOT but doesnt like to be vulnerable and hides that with her personality

things I look for in fanfic: hmm fluff... i dont really go searching a lot but when i do its mostly fluff. i cant do angsty linhella/marellinh </3

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: none of this is going to happen bc im like 60% sure none of wlw relationships are going to be canon BUT i think either of them with biana would be fine !! also linh and sophie would be cute. and if they dont end up with anyone im even happier

My happily ever after for them: theyre settled after the fighting. theyre peaceful and they live a calm life and all their friends come over often because they deserve some rest after what they've been through

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: linh is tall and marella doesnt like to say it but she loves being held so linh is big spoon and marella is the little spoon

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: LMAO so you mean their favourite activity period bc. children <3. ummmmm they like going on walks, napping cuddled together (the entire crew naps together actually theyre besties and they need platonic affection), and they also love practicing/sparring together bc its interesting to see how a pyrokinetic and a hydrokinetic would like fight and their strenths and weaknesses against each other and all that

thank you for the ask anon i had fun with this !!!!

send me a character, ship or multiple characters and ill answer specific questions about them!!

[mostlikelyshutup]

thoughts while watching the first harry potter:

listen i started this list a little late im ngl but notable thoughts so far are me thinking of dumbledore as a gay idiot and still loving hagrid

do you think hes speaking in parseltongue in the zoo when hes speaking to the snake

forgot boats existed

these idiots do scream a lot dont they

i forgot how light hearted this universe really is in the first couple movies

yer a wizard harry, okay hagrid maybe slide him into it a little better

we get it tuney you have fucking trauma, doesnt mean you should abuse a child

hasnt everyone had their name down since they were born, hagrid? theres a list

i like that his umbrella is pink

are you paying for those damages hargid? stop taking the door off the hinges

though, if the dursleys are, keep breaking shit

speaking about dragons on the the fucking tube, its a miracle harry didnt get in trouble with the ministry sooner

what is hagrid's usual? does anyone know???

fucking Quirrell, cant wait for your epic love story with the dark lord

maybe we should tell the 12 year old how the fuck everyone knows his name, just maybe

they do a great job of getting the wonder down pat

how much money and licensing do you think it took for them to get all these owls on set

ahh yes, antisemitism the bank

how many vaults are in gringotts?? also if harry's vault is the potters vault, a literal like sacred 28 family, one of the original families, and its number 600 something, how many were there before the potters?? did the potters get a vault recently? or is this james and lily's vault?? how rich were james and lily if so??

look at ollivander, crazy tinker uncle, love him

this might be the socialist in me but why do people have to pay for wands if everyone needs one??

why is the dark lords twin wand just sitting around on the shelf, ollie me boy??

do you think thats Harry's true wand or do you think thats because of the horcux thing?? do you harry had to get another wand after he died?? did he? i dont remember the last movie

is ollie me boys actor wearing contacts or are his eyes just like that??

thats a very weird way of showing Halloween 81, very misleading

hagrid said ill predict voldys rise in the first movie so we can have some plot development

hagrid is late to everything isnt he? i can feel it in my bones

i swear ive seen these movies, and ive even read the first book, i just dont remember shit

youd think theyd have someone in the know stationed close to the entrance for the platform, for any muggleborns

ginnys actress really had no fucking lines in this movie did she, just had to stand there

oh wait she said good luck

amazing work ginny

ooh a warm filter

can muggles see the express? like just running from london to scotland

wicked!

you didnt have to show the woman the sad sandwich ron

i think the trolly replenishes magically, i think thats how thats how that works, i want to believe that

god i cant tell if i would love or hate hermione, shes pretentious but so was i at that age

god dont fucking point your wand right in someones face mione

how does mione know who harry is?? why does she care?

look at the tiny first years, might just go and pinch theyre cheeks

MINNIEEEE i love you minnie

looking stunning minnie, the green brings out the sternness in your brow

you go minnie, give your speech, thats my head of house

shut up draco, youre not bond

you pretentious fuckwit, your hair is brassy anyways

if this is a class of kids born in the middle of a war, how big are the usual class sizes wtf

THE FUCKING CLAP

fucking propaganda ron, you slytherin hater

what order are these names going in, did they just randomized the list

oooh we get quiet for the boy who lived, jesus let him keep living

the fact that for the rest of these people its just silent is so fucking funny to me, Harry's just fucking whispering to himself

get their attention minnie

me dads a muggle, mums a witch, bit of a shock for him when he found out

NICK, love to see you buddy

i have no emotional attachment to peeves but i feel i should mention him here

the stairs still piss me off, why the fuck would you make moving stair cases

who sets out gloves for the next day? am i the weird one who doesnt??

Minnie, you are the love of my life

shut up snape you dramatic bloodpurist incel

i know theyre setting him up to be mistaken as the villain but jesus christ hes still an asshole

your robes Neville, you forgot your robes

its weird how they have to learn all these latin charms yet only have to say up to get their brooms to work

why wont you go after him, hes obviously not exactly in control, Hooch

does Hooch only teach first years? she is quite literally the equivalent of a history teacher who coaches football

what the fuck is Quirells classroom

they dont make the house teams because no first years can try out, Ron

MINNIE PLAYED QUIDDITCH?!?!? WHY DIDN'T I KNOW THIS

why didnt you speak up earlier Mione wtf

bc the fire wont give you away, harry, better hide

FLUFFY, WHOS A GOOD BOY

they have much worse things locked up in the school, Ron

Oliver wood is a bloody liar because i still dont fuckign understand quidditch, also theres like 500 rules, wtf

thats a shitty explanation of how the game works, Oliver

BLOW IT UP SEAMUS

SHES TWO FEET BEHIND YOU RON YOU IDIOT

carrot cake? on halloween?

dont shrug as if you didnt literally bully her ron

thought youd oughta know, bit of an understatement Quirell

no duh the trolls left the dungeon ron

lying: the best start to any friendship

we're at a net zero points for gryffindor for the year at the moment

the amount of interaction these kids have with professors is so weird to me, is this what small class size do to kids?? its weird

not comforting Oliver

Okay i understand Oliver simps now, I get it okay

are there no backups or subs for quidditch? feels like there should be, like of all the games

set him on fire mione, i know hes not the villain of the movie but god he sucks

fancy flying from harry fucking potter

okay but also i feel like there are some things we should not trust hagrid with, like hes not that great at keeping secrets

why is harry excited about christmas if he thinks hes not getting presents? i knw there are other aspects but like thats the only reasont o get up early

i always remember this scene at night for some reason??

not just an invisibility cloak, THE invisibility cloak ron

btw who gives it to harry? is it remus? is it dumbledore? is it like an inheritance thing? whats up with that?

there are jumpscares in harry potter

he very much can hide, filch

stop being a narc mrs norris

does harry even know what his parents look like at this point? how does he know who the fuck is in the mirror of erised?? he doesnt have that stupid scrapbook yet does he

oh they nod, sure lets clear up that plot hole

they shouldve put sirius and remus in the mirror in that scene, shown his whole family, wouldve been a nice setup

how does rupert grint already look so tired as a twelve year old

big speech to give to a twelve year old Dumbledore, when you wont even tell him what you see

Emma really does just slam that book on Daniels hand, thats mustve fucking sucked

the fact that ive watched two movies that had Nicholas Flamel in two very different roles this year is very strange to me

well thats probably on account of it being a fucking dragon egg hagrid, now isnt it?

was hagrid a hufflepuff? i think he was, maybe a ravenclaw

yes four, you blonde idiot

that shot is really nice, it sets them apart

what happened to filch to make him such a miserable man?

ooh mention of werewolves, awooo werewolves of london

yeah just dip your whole hand in hagrid, dont be scared of the strange liquid, take a nice little bath

i loev that dog, i want that dog, i want to hug that dog

god just the look of that forest is so bloody cool

wait so is that quirell walking fucking backwards?

maybe ask who the fuck youre talking to before asking other questions??? wtf harry

why are yout talking to the centaur like hes your old friend harry, youve literally never met him before

snape doesnt want the stone at all Harry

god hagrid you sweet stupid man

snape is completely valid for that, if a twelve year old ever looked at me like that i would punch them

Do you think people ever loose invisibility cloaks? like theyre invisible do you think they ever just never get found again

i hate the look of the dog spit, that is so gross

they really left everything in except for the fucking potions didnt they, damn

harry potter walked so queens gambit could run

hermione, posted up

rons stupid in the later movies because he got a concussion as a twelve year old

god harry really posted up to beat up snape in fucking khakis

"I knew you were a danger to me!" Hes twelve, Quirell

let me wait for this weird dude to unravel his head scarf instead of running away

the magic in this movie is real fucking conditional isnt it

just some casual necromancy for the stone? you sure about that voldy, you two faced bitch?

let me choke out this twelve year old real quick

oh yeah why is he able to just avengers endgame Quirell? is there an answer to that? like was that ever found out

do you think voldy passing by him while he hold the stone actually killed him but since he holds the stone hes functionally unkillable and then some magic gets put into him and thats why he can return to life later when he actually goes to the whole afterlife place?

ohhh we're vouching on the blood magic for the endgaming of Quirell

do you think dumbledore came across the vomit flavored bean before or after his sister died?

Mione's got a headband! Looking snazzy!

how did Hufflepuff only get 352 points? Gryffindor literally lost 150 points this year and they only beat them by 50, wtf, is it because they kept getting caught with weed

I wont even speak on the fucking outrage that is this point awarding, its already been spoken on. However, Neville shouldve gotten more points

What if someone just stood up and started challenging Dumbledores math, that would be so funny

some of these extras are really attractive

but james potter is somehow so fucking ugly why did they do that to my mans

hagrid deserves the last shot of this film, i love him, he deserves everything, that stupid sweet man