#and i mentioned offhandedly 'heh it actually happens around dad more recently' and milky way started going 'yeah he does that'

[roseverdict]

* on that last one, i've had some experience with the "i thought i could expect better from you. i thought we could do x as a family. sorry i had such high hopes. *storms out of the room*" variety. DON'T DO IT

* also when your child is on the verge of tears, if they purposefully leave the room, then break out into a mad sprint to get up the stairs to their room, and shut their door (when you know how badly the doors in the house may or may not fit) to calm down, DO NOT CHASE THEM UP THERE A SECOND LATER AND START SCREAMING AT THEM THROUGH THE DOOR ABOUT "STOMPING UP THE STAIRS" AND "SLAMMING THE DOOR" WHEN THEY'RE ALREADY BLUBBERING INCOHERENTLY OR I SWEAR I WILL TELEPORT INTO THE HALL AND DECK YOU IN THE FACE!

* Ahem. Also pointing out "at least you don't have to go live under a bridge in the winter bc your dad (biological or otherwise) may very well kill you in anger if you go home" when your kids are being stubborn will not help. Like at all.

* If you have issues, talk to a therapist! Don't lay it all on your kids and your spouse as some sort of "you're doing your best here! it's better than your parent(s) were, isn't it?? get-out-of-accountability-free card! When my depression acts up so bad I don't have the motivation to even go snack on anything, I'm being "lazy and unmotivated," but when you don't get to launch into Tangent Number 5 with anyone's complete and unbroken attention (since we're all doing things of our own), you're "done trying to talk to people, since we're all so engrossed in what we're doing, so you're gonna go get some air," leaving us to try and figure out what we did wrong?

* On that note, using the "This isn't a democracy, this is a Parent-ocracy" line should be reserved for "you can't just go stay over at a person's house when you only just met today!" or "there is a life-threatening situation happening and we Need to be on the same page or else we might not all make it," etc. NOT "the other parent said something has to be done in the next few days but i'm telling you they mean 'get it done right now,' don't you argue with me!"

* If your kids all have mental conditions of some kind or another, you can't treat them all like Just Normal Kids (With The Exception Of Maybe One). You need to accomodate your son's aspergers/autism, AND your other sons' ADHD, AND your daughter's moderate to severe depression and anxiety and ADD, or whatever combination you may have. Learn about how the differences in their brains could make them more likely to face Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria, AKA "a natural weakness to guilt-tripping that makes even the slightest mention of 'they made a mistake' turn into 'they are the worst human being to ever live, how dare they mess it up!'"

* If your kids are all echoing the same sentiments of "but we weren't fighting, we were just ribbing each other and were about to back down before it got too out of hand," maybe don't yell at them to "quit bickering and grow up!" Please? Especially if you keep telling one of them to "grow a thicker skin." You can't just say that and then interrupt when they're doing exactly that. Mixed messages, that's what that is.

* Listen I could go on and on but I'm hungry and actually have the spoons for breakfast, for once. Just…maybe don't be the reason everyone tenses up and stops what they're doing, regardless of their age, position in the household, or current interest?

* I'm just really tired of having to mute my 3DS (the headphone jack is where aux cables go to die but i digress skxhsncisgfkf) whenever the Parent In Question comes home. I'm sick of being told to quiet down when I'm already at a whisper. I'm through being told to calm down when I'm barely even frustrated (which takes a while for me to reach anyway), while my brothers get to yell at, growl at, and hit devices for not reading their minds after just a few minutes. I'm losing my patience with not being able to trust my own mind, and I'm starting to realize it was never Just Me.

* TL:DR-You didn't raise a functioning member of society, you screwed up a perfectly good child who was overeager to just make everyone happy! Look at them, they've got depression!

i was ranting in the tags too but. has there been a tag limit this whole time??? at least i didn't get cut off mid-sentence but like. hewwo??? anyway to finish off my thought at the end, point is i'm learning to trust my own brain for the first time and i'm noticing things that are Not Good Actually™ and it's really nice to have ppl backing me up bc that means i'm not imagining when somebody does a Bad™. also kinda explains the whole "patience of a saint thing" i apparently have, according to some customers who watched me work an older lady through coupons, while at home i have a "thin skin" and need to "toughen up." :/

Dear Parents:

* Please stop complaining how hard it is to feed, house, and give clothes to your kid.      Wow, we didn’t know doing the bare minimum to keep us alive after you decided to go through with the pregnancy was so difficult.

* Stop using the “I’m your parent so you have to do x” unless it’s to protect them from doing something stupid or a regular chore. You can make sure the kid can’t go to a party, but don’t be exploitative.

* DO NOT COMPARE AND CONTRAST YOUR KIDS. Everyone is their own person. Please stop.

* Stop favoritism.

* Do not insult or openly tell them or others about their “flaws”. They will remember it. Whether it being seriously or jokingly doesn’t matter. 

* Let them be who they want as long as they don’t hurt anybody including themselves.

* Having good grades is important but so is having a social life and mental health.

* When your child says that they are uncomfortable with something said or done don’t egg them on about it.

* Stop with the “When I was your age”, We’re pretty sure you didn’t do things your parents had, and we’re sure they didn’t to some things theirs did. Your kid isn’t you.

*  There’s probably a reason your kid doesn’t come from out their room.

* children are smarter than you think, when they ask about something give them an honest answer.

* Don’t punish your kids for telling the truth, they will learn to lie to get out of trouble. 

* Hitting or threatening to hit your kid is not a way to punish them or scare them into doing something.

* Do not expect your child to respect you. Respect is earned, not entitled.

* Don’t gossip about your kids life.

* (This one is personal but I feel like a lot of others go through it too) Do not use the “I didn’t raise you to be like that” line if you didn’t raise your kid.

* Gifts don’t make things better.

* Don’t assign chores based on the sex of the child. 

* excessive pranking leaves kids with trust issues and anxiety ( ”I’ll wait until it’s morning to use the restroom because I don’t want anyone popping up at me” )

*  stop using manipulative behavior to get sympathy from your kid.