#and i hate that i'm empathic and i /get/ why my mom reacted the way she reacted but that doesnt make it hurt any less

[otakween]

Digimon Tamers - Episode 41

For an episode that should have been a happy reunion, this one was mostly really sad and distressing. Concerned about where Juri's storyline is going and how she'll react to being back home. Other than that I'm glad we're back in the real world. It's kind of unfortunate since the digital world is supposed to be a big selling point of this franchise, but I always find the real world setting more engaging lol. The digital world is too vague and empty.

The ark becoming sentient was a cool twist. It kind of looked like HAL 9000 with its big red eye. Guilmon explaining their journey to it was really cute.

The reference to distributed computing made my inner computer nerd happy. It was also a cool way to get the kids' parents involved in the rescue mission.

Kenta realizing MarineAngemon is his partner felt like such an afterthought. And then he brags that his partner is an ultimate-level digimon which didn't help my impression of him as a shallow, one-note character.

Juri going from catatonic and depressed to evil is kinda confusing. Intrigued where they're going with that. Really sad to see all the kids try to comfort her and being confused when she doesn't respond.

Cyberdramon's child form is really cute. I like his forehead spike.

The contrast between the kids/digimon returning to support systems and those without was super heartbreaking. Juri's probably too dead inside to really notice, but watching Impmon trudge into the woods got to me (even tho he deserves it lol).

I was rolling my eyes when, immediately after being reunited with their son, Takato's parents are cool with him taking Juri home on his own. Ain't no way!! She either spends one night with them and they all take her home together in the morning or they all just go right now. I know safety is different in Japan, but what kind of parent wouldn't be a ball of nerves at this point?

Juri makes it back to her abusive (?) parents. I'm actually not sure what the deal is with them. I guess all we know is that Juri's biological mom died and now they're mad that she ran away? At least step-mom gave her a hug -shrug-

Culumon follows Juri home for some reason. Kinda seems like Culumon's an empath of sorts (I hate that word, but it works for magical creatures lol). Maybe they'll be there to witness whatever craziness she's about to get into.

I was confused as to why Shinjuku was being evacuated. Was it because of the deva attacks prior to the kids leaving or because of the D-reaper stuff after they got back? The timing felt weird (but maybe that's because of the time difference in the two worlds).

If this wasn't a kids show I'd think that Juri's about to kill her whole family or something...not sure what her creepy smile at the end means

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Hey mom how have you been 💞❤️

I haven't been feeling well lately. Not physically just emotionally. You might not know this but I am on the chubbier side of life and sometimes it's really difficult to not have hateful thoughts about myself. All of my friends have been really supportive but sometimes just feel down and I have been having those days.

I just don't feel good about myself lately. Nowadays I don't get that many people committing about my weight or my body and before it was lot but now most are pretty understanding. The thing is my weight gain is purely something that is hormonal. it has nothing to do with any physical intake of any kind. it's just all the hormonal disorder.

I have strangers coming up to me giving me they don't know why it has happened and it usually doesn't bother me. But from the past few days I am just been really low.

I tried to think How fictional characters who are also my coping mechanism would react react normally it works but this time it's really bad.

Sorry for the rant but I really want to get it off my chest.

Love you ❤️💜,

Japan manager anon

You sweet angel 🥺 first off, I totally empathize with this. I've always been bigger. Legit I've been 6'1" and chubby since I was 13. I hit Puerto at like 10 and then stopped growing at 13. It was so frustrating and difficult because I felt like I was so alone and I'm honestly still working on accepting myself. It's not something that just happens overnight and taking your time to do so is really important!

Just know this, people who often say something rude or project their feelings onto others have miserable lives themselves. There is absolutely no need to point out someone else physical appearance to them. Like do they really think we don't see it daily? It blows my mind how rude people can be about someone else's life and I hate that you had/have to deal with that.

Unfortunately, as much as it sucks sometimes fictional characters can't help 😔 as much as I know Bokuto WORSHIPS use chubby people, he's not here to give us the hug and support we need.

But what Bokuto can't fill, let me just say that my Tumblr is always a safe space to vent, ask for help, advice or even if you need any reassurance! You are a beautiful person and you deserve respect and admiration just like anyone else does! Just know that you aren't alone in feeling insecure, it's something alot of us deal with. Sometimes those intrusive thoughts really get to us and honestly, our personal thoughts about ourselves often are the most harmful because it's hard to convince yourself of things.

I literally went thought a stage where I would stand in front of the mirror and tell myself "Tiffany you are deserving of love. You are beautiful and amazing! You can do anything you set your mind too and your worth is not defined by someone's opinion of you." Sometimes those little reminders help, just repeating them throughout the day, or heck even crying them out in the shower. Let me tell you, many of times have I cried in the shower while telling myself I'm deserving of good things.

So however you feel like expressing your feelings, go for it! Cry, scream, laugh, talk to someone, write literally there is no wrong way to feel your own emotions.

I apologize this got so long 😅 I'm hoping I made a point in all that rambling ❤️

Also I'm adding this to potential help cheer you up 🥰

Also can I add 👀 if Team Japan saw you being down on yourself, Aran would literally pick you up (because he's strong 🥵) haul you into the locker room and you'd be like 🧍‍♀️ 😳

And Aran would be like 👉🏻 look how beautiful you are YN! Right now! Say it!

You 👉🏻 🧍‍♀️

Aran 👉🏻 don't make me get Iwaizumi...

You 👉🏻 🧍‍♀️ 👀 I mean you COULD get Iwaizumi...

Aran 👉🏻😐😑 YN

You 👉🏻🙄 I'm beautiful...

Aran 👉🏻 not good enough...

By now Hinata and Bokuto have totally joined you because like 🙌🏻 locker room 🙌🏻 party

Hinata and Bokuto 👉🏻 YN you are so pretty 🥺

Aran 👉🏻 YN...

You 👉🏻 I'm gorgeous, I'm beautiful and I'm perfect just the way I am!

Bokuto and Hinata (featuring Akaashi as Aran 🥰) 👇🏻

Let me be, I'm dealing with very little gif wise 😫

[all-that-tmnt-jazz]

Hey howdy hey, how are you today? Uh, I have a request for you, if that's ok! Uh, how would the boys react to having a friend (not a s/o, just a friend) get like... really stressed out and frustrated when they can't figure out something, and they either start crying or just shut out the world while they do something? If this is too heavy/serious to do, I'm sorry, it's just... been a sucky day in math for me and i thought i'd request something since i've been reading your stuff lately! ^^'

Ugh- I hate math, so I get you.

Warnings: Swearing.

Incarnation: Bayverse

Extra Info: I do both of these things when I’m frustrated- shut the world out and just… Cry. So, experience ftw.

Leo:

He only remembers you storming by him as you entered the Lair

“Nice seeing you, too-”

“I do not want to hear it!”

That shut him up quickly

He followed you until you went into his bedroom.

You faceplanted into his bed and just screamed. Once you got that out, he sat at the foot of the bed

“No, I’m not ready to talk about it. Yes, I will take my fucking time.”

The two of you just sat in silence

He felt your body go limp as you started crying

You rolled onto your back and just stared at the ceiling, not caring at this point if Leo saw you cry

“Alex cheated on me,” you say finally after you had calmed down a bit

You spat out the name like it was bitter.

Leo couldn’t hold back his gasp

“He told me he was going to visit his sister in Harlem, but I saw on Snap Map that he was in Brooklyn.”

“What’d you do?”

“I was able to find the building and asked the front desk if he had come in. I told him I was a friend of his and the person he was visiting, so they let me up. I… They left the door unlocked, and…”

Leo put his hand on your foot as you burst into another round of tears

“When I got back to my apartment, I packed all of his things… He got there soon after I did, and he took his bags.”

You couldn’t get the image of him fucking the other girl out of your head…

“I wish there was something I could do-”

“I know that Leo!” you snap. 

You sigh deeply

“I’m sorry. Just… Frustrated. With everything.”

“I know, Y/N. I’m here.”

Raph:

You had never been one to volunteer to use his weight room

Yet, when he got home from visiting his s/o one night, he found you there beating the life out of his boxing dummy

“Hey, Y/N-”

“Do not talk to me or you will replace this dummy.”

He raised his hands in surrender, but he could tell something was bothering you- it was rather obvious, really.

So, he waited.

He sat on the bench of the press, watching you hit the dummy with a strength he never knew you had

You stopped with a huff, your breath heaving. You sat next to him and put your head in your hands

He saw your shoulders droop

“Do you want an ear or do you want advice?”

“An ear, please. My mom wants me to go to college literally two weeks after I graduate high school and I want to actually have a life. But I don’t know what to do without someone getting hurt…”

Raph nodded along, not fully understanding but seeing that it was stressful for you

“I don’t know what to do…”

Raph put a hand on your shoulder, dwarfing you

“I’m here for everything, Y/N.”

You look up at him and flash him a weak smile

You stand again and approach the boxing dummy

“Don’t hurt yourself, Y/N. Check your wrappings,” Raph warns.

He was right- the wrappings around your knuckles were worn thin. You re-wrapped them.

You started hitting the boxing dummy once again, glad you knew someone who listened

Donnie:

He was confused about why you entered the lab and slammed the door behind you

You sat on the skateboard lab chair that often remained empty

Donnie saw your expression looked numb- emotionless

He left the lab and came back with some coffee and snacks a few minutes later

“Thanks,” you mumbled, taking the coffee and a container of Oreos

“No problem. Talk if you want, whenever you’re ready.”

You merely nod in response

You were enjoying your snack despite the inner turmoil you felt

“I failed that math midterm I was studying for last night,” you said a while later. “My parents know.”

“Delaying going home, then?” Donnie asked, wearing a look that almost looked like pity

“Yeah. They’d kill me- you know how my parents get. They just don’t understand that ADHD affects everything I do… especially in subjects that don’t apply to what I want to do in life.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Donnie says. “Are you going to have re-take the course?”

“No, fortunately. The school is letting me re-do the midterm tomorrow, but I don’t know how I’m going to pass tomorrow if I failed it today.”

Donnie thought for a moment, then he lit up.

“I know a way I can hide an ear-piece in your hair, with a microphone,” he suggested. “All you would have to do is whisper the question, and I can relay how to do it into your ear and no one will know.”

“They will- I failed miserably today, and people don’t get better overnight.”

“You also didn’t sleep well last night, so you can blame it on that.”

You thought for a bit, deeply considering it.

“Yeah, sure. Just… Let me wallow in my own pity for a few more hours.”

Donnie smiled empathetically at you, before putting a pause on his current project to work on a new one

Mikey:

He knew you were frustrated before you even got to the Lair since he’s a hard-core empath

The moment he felt it, he went into the kitchen and prepared the battle station

(which is a small pale full of snacks and drinks that he knows you like so you can carry it with you)

When he offers it to you, you take the pale from him and storm off to his room

He followed you in a moment later and sat on the beanbag chair that was next to the bunk bed

You threw him a bag of chips and he was shocked how hard it hit him

You muttered an apology but didn’t pull out of your daze

After a while, Mikey instinctively grabbed a box of tissues

He put it next to you on the bed just as you started crying

“I hate it college. I’m not smart the way they want me to be.”

“Then drop out,” Mikey suggested.

“I have to graduate in order to become a musician on Broadway- I’ve looked into it.”

The two of you kept silent for a while, frustrated tears still making their way down your cheeks

You finished the bag of chips Mikey had given you

He offered you another one but you refused it

“Want a hug?”

“Please.”

“I thought so.”

[coconutknightshade]

I'm kinda wondering what would Morgan think of Peter when she grows up. Will she love him like a brother or will she blame him for Tony's death? Sure it's unlikely but think of all the angst!! Probably sth along the lines of" I wish he never picked you over me!!" Btw I'm absolutely in love with your fics ❤❤❤❤

Thank you so much @nightskyblufaith , that makes me very happy to hear! I love that you love them and I hope that you continue to love them

That being said- You come into my house, on the eve of my daughters wedding, and you attempt to break my heart. You come to a girl that is hellbent on never even touching a post-endgame fic where Tony is dead and you have the audacity to ask her if she’ll write one? I just have one question- Why do you hate me? Do you revel in my tears? 

I hope I return the favor. If I’m going to suffer than I’m taking you down with me! 

We’ll perish together! 

In all seriousness, I had instant inspiration upon reading your prompt and I hope I did you justice! I feel like it may have taken a turn you hadn’t been going for, but I hope that you enjoy it nonetheless :) I also want to note- I still have your other prompt and it’s still in the pipeline and I haven’t forgotten about it!

A Good Hero and a Good FatherWord Count: 2,500ish

She's drunk. 

Wasted and swaying far too close to the edge. It has Peter's heard pounding dangerously fast, panic rising as a lump in his throat. 

She's only sixteen- Very much below the drinking age. Bottles are littered at her feet and even as far from her as Peter is, the smell of alcohol clinging to her is painfully strong. He frowns. 

Will he be fast enough if she teeters over the edge? How long has she been drinking? Christ. Is this going to end in an ER visit?

She's also supposed to be in school. It's nearly noon. Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey had been attempting to hunt her down for hours. Pepper was understandably distraught, horrified that with all of the technology at her disposal she couldn't track down her daughter. 

Unsurprising, if Peter is being honest. Much like her father, she operates on her own time and with her own rules. If she doesn't want to be found than she won't be found. 

Fortunately, much like his father figure, Peter is innovative. It should come as no surprise that every person Peter keeps close to him is trackable by no less than three different ways. After the life he's been through, and the loved ones he's lost, Peter isn't taking any chances. Before Pepper had ended her call with ‘please, if you find her let me know’ Peter had already traced down her exact location. In fact, doing so had been nothing but a means of verification- He knew her well enough to know where she would end up. 

The two of them haven't been there in awhile. At least a year now. When she was younger they would spend a day or two a week up on that rooftop. They would curl up and overlook the city, talk about anything and everything. Peter would help her with her homework and she would sit close to him, excitedly and dramatically narrating whatever game he was playing at the time. Together they would watch movies on his laptop and at times he would let her slip on his mask and watching through the old Baby Monitor Protocol any footage he had of Tony. It usually ended in tears, but Peter Parker never could say no to Morgan Stark. 

This time is far different than those of the past. The atmosphere is heavy, unsettling. Immediately upon landing Peter is dodging one empty bottle after another. 

“Fuck your Spidey Sense,” she bites out, throwing another one and in doing so nearly pitches forward on unsteady feet. Morgan scoffs when he catches it without so much as flinching. Her words, however- Her words do make him flinch. 

“Morgan,” he says softly, almost pained. She's already shaking her head. 

“No,” she points a finger at him, swallowing thickly. “You don't get to do that- You don't get to sound sympathetic and concerned. I don't want to fucking hear it.” 

Peter nearly takes a step back, caught off guard by the venom. Morgan Stark is what he imagines a little sister to be. They mess around, he’s taught and helped her with anything she needed. Oftentimes, and much to Pepper's concern and amusement, they prank each other, with each prank growing more and more reckless. She’s his sister and of course they bicker and argue as such, but this is different. It's almost chilling.

“Morgan,” he says again, voice loud and firm. “Step away from the ledge.” 

Morgan laughs, manic almost, and Peter clenches his jaw. He's got a hand stretched out hesitantly as if ready to catch her if she tips over the edge, even though he's too far away to actually do so if she were to tumble over. 

“Do you- Do you really think that I would pull something like that?” Her laughter turns to sobs, emotional regulation fleeting, but she drops down a step or two onto the base of the roof and away from the ledge. Peter takes a step forward and she immediately takes a step backwards. 

“Don't,” she raises her voice angrily before her expression falters and she let's her eyes close over tears. Her voice is softer, nearly a pained whisper when she adds, “Don't. Please just go, Peter. I can't look at you. Not today.” 

Her voice cracks on that last word. 

It's the anniversary of Tony Stark's heroic sacrifice and though he braces himself every year for the inevitable breakdown, he's never prepared himself for something quite like this. In hindsight he thinks he probably should have. Morgan is growing older, she's going through a pivotal time in her life and with sixteen being such a milestone Peter should have anticipated how hitting such a milestone without her father would have a harrowing affect her. While he had anticipated something… a belligerent, drunk teenager dancing along the ledge of a rooftop, far too high to survive a fall, didn't even make the list. Peter remains calm, keeps his voice even. 

“I'll leave you alone when we get you home, Morgan. You and I both know that you can't stay up here. Your mom is worried about you. Rhodey and Happy are worried about you. I'm worried about you.”

Peter dodges another bottle. 

“Fuck you, Peter. I don't need your sympathy. I don't want it. Not when you're the reason he's gone.” She kicks a bottle in his direction and brings an arm up to wipe across her eyes. Peter notices that she's wrapped up in one of Tony's old MIT hoodies. Seeing it makes his own heart hurt. His grief ever present, always there tucked away in the base of his chest. Sometimes when he closes his eyes he still hears Tony's words- And I wanted you to be better. 

Christ. Peter mourns Tony every day. And though fewer, Peter at least has memories of Tony. Morgan, he knows, only has fleeting images and sporadic memories of her father. Peter can empathize. It's similar to the relationship between Peter and his own parents. He was nearly as young as Morgan had been when he'd lost his. The difference being Morgan sees evidence of her father every day- She's confronted every day with the knowledge that her father left such a monumental imprint on this world and she can barely even remember being tucked in at night by the man. Peter can only imagine the struggle.

He tries not to take her words to heart, but when they leave her lips he can't help but to suck in a breath. 

“That's not fair,” he says softly. It hurts. It hurts far deeper than Peter knows how to put into words. Of course he's wondered whether Morgan feels he played any part in her father's death. The world - the media - naturally knows nothing of his relationship with Tony Stark, but Morgan does. She knows that her father viewed Peter as one of his own- That had things been different she would have grown up with and around Peter. Jeez. Even in Tony's absence she still grew up with his close presence. She sees first hand how close he is with every other special person in her life - Pepper, Happy, Rhodey. It only tracks that he would have been even closer to her father. 

Yeah. It's no secret that Tony considered Peter as one of his own, but Peter never could be sure how closely Morgan connected that information to his death. Until now, that is. Peter can't help but hope this is coming from a place of hurt and anger, an emotion in the moment and not something that has weighed silently on her heart for years. He's not sure what he’ll do if that’s the case. Peter's already lost one family member in Tony, he doesn't want to lose another one in Morgan as well. 

“You're right, Peter. It's not fair. And yet here we are,” she spreads her arms out wide and spins in a lazy, very clumsy circle as if to encompass everything around the two of them. 

“And yet here we are,” Peter echoes back, voice clear of emotion, with a firm nod of his head. “Skipping school and drunk off your ass on the ledge of a building. I'm sure your dad would have loved that.” 

Harsh. Intentionally so. 

Morgan turns back towards him dangerously slow and Peter takes a step forward, holding his ground. If taking the heat- Letting himself be the proverbial punching back for her to yell and scream at and god throw more bottles at... Well at least she isn’t drowning her sorrows and emotions in alcohol like her father had once upon a time. 

“I don't know what my dad would love, do I? He isn't here to tell me. And why do you think that is?” While her voice expresses nothing but anger, the tears trailing down her cheeks betray her. Despite her words the sight makes Peter's heart clench. 

“Because he was a hero,” Peter says firmly. “He did what was needed to save the universe, Morgan. To save you.” 

Morgan scoffs, turning her head to look out over the city. 

“He might've been some great hero,” she begins softly, almost to herself, “but he was a terrible father.” 

The last words are choked out with a gut wrenching sob that pulls at each and every one of Peter's heartstrings. He attempts to take another hesitant step towards her and when Morgan doesn't react, doesn't take a receding step backwards, he continues forward. Morgan wraps her arms around her midsection and wobbles dangerously before finally crumpling to her knees. 

“Sometimes I hate him so much, Peter.” Her voice sounds so small, so broken, and in that moment Peter remembers that even at sixteen she's still just a child. A child who has lived through so much pain already. Peter thinks again just how deeply he can relate. Morgan's voice, nearly a whisper now, pulls him from his thoughts. “Why- Why couldn't he be selfish and stay with his family? Why were we not enough?”

Peter kneels before hesitantly reaching towards her and when she doesn't flinch he wraps his arms around her and pulls her tight against his chest. Through her sobs she's nearly hyperventilating. Peter rests a hand on the crown of her head and tilts his face down so that she can hear him gently saying her name over the sound of her cries- Morgan, you're okay. Listen- Listen to the sound of my breathing, focus on the movements of my chest. There it is, there you go. Just breathe.

Morgan nearly slumps against him and Peter's grip tightens. He thinks back over her words, how innocent and heartbroken they are and he forces himself not to overthink how her words unintentionally carry a weight of yes you would still be dead but at least my dad would be here with me and honestly, Peter can't even blame her for that. 

“Morgan, he wouldn't have done any of this if he didn't think you would grow up in a better world because of it.” Just when he thinks her tears are starting to slow do they pick back up with fervor. Still, Peter can feel the exhaustion radiate from her. 

“He only did it to bring you back.” Morgan's voice is weak, defeated and tired. Her words slur and she closes her eyes against the fresh tears. Peter shifts, wipes them away with the pad of his thumb and tries to fight through his own tears that threaten to fall. 

“You know that isn't true.”

“Isn't it though?”

“No,” Peter says firmly. “It isn't. And I think you know that.” 

Morgan sighs, knows he's right, and turns to rest her forehead against Peter's chest. Peter runs a hand through her hair, absently working out the tangles while waiting until she gathers herself to speak. 

“Sometimes,” she whispers, “it's easier to just hate him. To hate you. Because at least you're here for me to yell at. I can scream into the sky until my face turns blue, but he'll never know how I feel.” She's sobbing again, face buried in her hands and Peter's heart breaks anew. He can empathize with that- Can empathize in feeling that way periodically when he glances his own reflection. It's easier to hate himself when sometimes he really just wants to punch a wall. He feels to an extent that Morgan is right. Happy has, intentional or no, indicated as such. That Tony wouldn't have done what he did if he hadn't of thought Peter would be there at the end. The sentiment somehow simultaneously makes his heart swells while at the same time breaks it. It’s something of a weight to consider that his return to this plane means he’s ripped apart a family. 

Of course Tony's sacrifice has brought millions of families back together- But all he bears witness to is the family he can't help but feel he broke apart. It's not necessarily logical, but oftentimes the thought is there. 

“He'll never know how you feel in the moment, Morgan. But you know how he wanted you to feel before he died, and he wouldn't want that to change in the event of his death.” Her fist tightens in the front of his shirt and he swallows thickly before blazing on. “He wouldn't want to see this, Morg. He died wanting you to live in a better place- A happier world. Not one forever in mourning. Not one so broken and defeated. He wanted you to smile- To dance and sing even though you have two left feet and are painfully tone deaf.” She snorts. “I can promise you that when he thought of your future he didn't see this. He didn't want this for you. He saw you walking through life happy, with a smile on your face. And I can promise you that he wouldn't have wanted any of that to change, not even in the event of his death. He would only ever want you happy, Morgan. Always.”

A beat.

“I still hate you,” she says quietly, without any real heat. Another similarity with her father... Morgan doesn't do soft. Not like this. Regardless, Peter knows his words have landed and he smiles softly, squeezes her tighter in response and bumps his nose against her head. Quiet laughter bubbles from him when she adds a whined, “My head hurts.”

“Not nearly as much as it will once Pepper gets to you. Assuming Rhodey or Happy doesn't get to you first.” Morgan groans, dropping her face into her hands once again. 

“Maybe- Maybe we just stay up here forever. Problem solved.” Peter huffs in amusement. 

“Yeah, I don't think so. Not gonna fly.” 

“What do I tell her?” she asks quietly. Peter can hear the anxiety - the exhaustion - in her voice and he rubs soothing circles into her back. 

“I'll talk to her.” 

“Are you going to tell her I threw bottles at you?”

“Nah.” Amusement colors Peter's tone as he adds teasingly, “Your aim was terrible, so it's kind of like you weren't even throwing them at all.” Morgan pinches him but Peter doesn't miss the smile that tugs at the corners of her mouth. 

“That's a lie and you know it.” Her smile falls, something more serious pulls at her expression, and she takes a deep breath. “He would be proud of me, I think. At my aim, I mean.” 

“Yeah,” Peter says softly, knowing full well that she isn’t referring to her aim. “He would.”

[rochibolettieri]

Thoughts on 4x10 “The Deep hearts core”

Hello! Anyone still reads this? I’m so sorry, I barely had time to sit in front of my computer to write something and yesterday I had no electricity, internet or battery in my phone so...awful day 

Well, there’s something with this ep that can’t decipher even now, I mean, I like it but at the same time I didn’t and the writer’s decision to change parts of the book and put more drama than is necessary bothers me a lot. I hate to be negative but I just want to yell at them WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY FAVORITE SHOW??? There were so many beautiful moments that were missing and we won’t get the opportunity to watch them right now. But well, its already done so there’s no use in complaining, I just wish they listen to the critics and do something about it, maybe read the books for one.

Now, about the ep:

I loved the first parts, honestly live for the Fraser’s in the Ridge spending time together, Jamie/Bree bonding their relationship, this is the kind of content I want, from the little chats between them, to Claire/Bree folding clothes, the whole family eating together, tending to the animals etc etc etc. I LOVE IT and I wish there will be more.

Claire/Bree

How difficult it must be for Claire to advise her daughter in the matter of what would she do about the baby, if she wants to have an abortion or not, and more important if her daughter isn’t sure about the paternity of that child. And how difficult to offer herself of being the one who has to perform any decision Bree wants, being the abortion or the birth. For a mother who already had to say goodbye to her once, it must be terrifying to affront the possibility to let her go forever, I mean, what if something goes wrong? (It won’t, but let’s suppose) she would be blaming herself for not being able to care for her own daughter. But Claire let her make a choice, whether it would be going back to the future, or staying there and affront whatever happens.

Now I want to talk about the decision of involving the abortion thing into the episode. I know this is a subject that tends to bring a lot of discussion and don’t want to offend any of you but I honestly think is a clever decision, and putting Cait, a person who fights for the rights of woman is interesting. It wasn’t a wow conversation but at least is how it’s supposed to be. And with this I mean mother and daughter really talking about that possibility, and not making her experience a pregnancy she doesn’t want just because someone else made that decision for her, being Claire or anyone else. I know not everyone thinks like me, but in the last year, with the abortion movement here in Argentina, I realized about a lot of things, but the most important is that there always were abortions and most of them under horrifying circumstances, most of the times the woman who aborts does it in secret, with the fear that if they tell someone, they can exclude them from society, as if it were something bad, a big sin. And that is why it is marginalized, and becomes a taboo. I think it's great to talk about it, make it visible, so applauses for that scene 👏🏻👏🏻

As I said before, the scene when they’re folding clothes was a beautiful moment between them, so intimate, sharing things they miss of the 20th century, eventually missing a part of them they had to leave behind, and things they have in common after all, a relief for having someone who really understands what the other is talking about. For Claire, I think she has Jamie and can talk to him about how things are in the future, but they’re things he hadn’t experienced, but Bree had, and understands for example how modern music sounded, or the pleasure to have a proper toilet. I hope for more of these scenes in the future, is always a pleasure to see them sharing a pleasant moment/chat/whatever.

Jamie/Bree:

I’m still sensitive with how in awe Jamie is over his daughter, he loves her so much and is eternally grateful for having her there. The first scene, when he shows Bree she couldn’t fight against Bonnet and comforts Bree afterwards, was imo really special, but difficult to watch. Jamie knows the feeling of being raped, used as some other wants and without even resisting, and to have his daughter experiencing the same thing as him breaks him into a million pieces. So provoking her and then making her fight, it must be a difficult moment for him, I mean, he doesn’t think like that, he doesn’t want her to remember the incident, but he has to, so he can make her understand that even if she fought, it was in vain and wouldn’t make any difference if she kills Bonnet. Another bonding moment that I will treasure, even if is a hard one.

Another beautiful moment was the one when they look at Claire. Even if it hurts me when Bree refers to Frank as “my father” in front of Jamie (I won’t lie, I hate that. I know is his father for her and maybe isn’t on purpose but seeing Jamie’s face reacting to that breaks my heart into a million pieces), the change of his face when she says she went through the stones for him too is priceless. Again, he loves her so freaking much ♥️

Although, Bree’s reaction about what Jamie did to Roger was a lot. And that’s when the mixed feelings comes to me. I know she has all the right to react as she pleases, after all she was the one raped, and what Jamie did wasn’t good either. I mean, yes Jamie, you are a furious dad searching for vengeance after realizing what happened with your daughter, but beating a man nearly to death? Mmm I don’t think so babe.

The thing is that everything was a huge chain of misunderstandings that ended with Roger being sold to the Mohawk. I repeat what I said last week, it’s a part of the books that I never liked, even though I’m still angry with Roger he didn’t deserve it.

But let's get back to the big fight. I understand both bells, Bree's and Jamie's. He reacted by pure impulse wanting to defend his daughter, and she reacts by getting angry obviously because he sent an innocent man almost to death. Although I still believe that Bree's reaction was exaggerated, disrespectful and very demanding. In other words, hitting everyone, yelling at them and giving them orders about what they have to do is a lot. I don’t know, I was taught to respect the elderly, and however angry I am, I don’t behave that way. And it broke my soul when (again) she mentioned Frank to make him look like the hero who always treated her well but to Jamie like a savage who doesn’t know how to control himself 😔

Jamie telling Bree that she went to bed with someone for lust then faked the rape because she got pregnant was also overstepping, but once he finds out that the rape was real and with a different man, he gets really stunned, and really regrets having said what he said before. I won’t justify what he did, but the man fell into a misunderstanding, trap, however you want to call it, and once he learned the truth he can’t do more than ask his daughter for forgiveness and feel like shit.

We know that both have a strong character, they are stubborn and they want to be right, but so much drama makes me upset and the only thing I want is to skip that fight and go back to the first minutes of the chapter, adding that making Jamie the bad guy and having everyone against him breaks me (I think I already said it) and I only want to hug him and say everything will be okay 😭

I also read a lot of criticism of Claire for not taking sides with anyone. Come on, her daughter is on one side and her husband on the other, and for that matter she loves both, so I understand that it may be difficult for her to side with either of them. Could she have said something? Yes, but she did not. I remember reading in the book that when the two Frasers fought in that way it was preferable to let them get all the fury and not interfere. If I remember correctly, it was what Ian told her in the first book the first time J/C went to Lallybroch and Jamie and Jenny started fighting.

Although, I can only think in my mom. Even if she loves my dad, she always (or almost always) gets on my side. I don’t assume that Claire does it but for that matter she knows the true story. Perhaps also empathized by everything her daughter went through, I don’t know, nobody will know what was going through Claire's head in that moment, and because of this I am annoyed with the writers, if things are not clear there is something that doesn’t work, it’s supposed that the viewer doesn’t have to assume a character thinks one thing or another 🤷🏻‍♀️ But well, I do think she knows Jamie is really sorry and won’t get mad with him for that, at the end of the day, none of them wants to see their daughter hurt.

Roger:

I've already said it many times, and I'm going to repeat it: I don’t like Show!Roger, and at the moment that won´t change. That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel bad seeing the man walking days and nights tied to a horse without the possibility of eating, having a drink or resting, and to that let’s add that he has been beaten. When I saw the ep for the first time, I couldn’t stop thinking about 3x03 when LJG took Jamie in the same way and I thought, maybe when Jamie deigns to talk to Roger and mend fences with him, and finds out what he suffered, he feels sorry for that man, maybe remember those moments, that weren’t nice for him either.

I also though, how in hell does he have so many energy to be running in the middle of the woods trying to escape? I can’t run like that even if someone pays me for it, haha. But seriously, that scene was dense, like a lot of screen time just between a man escaping and a bunch of natives following him, with what purpose? It could have been used to add something else.

And the scene with the stone, well I’m still confused. I really though there wasn’t any standing stone in the book but in a post of a few days ago, some people clarified that I was wrong (thank you tho!). The only way I found of why he is so hesitant to leave or not is because he is really tired, that he has no strength to continue at a time when (maybe) he doesn’t belong. Maybe it's the only way he finds so that he doesn’t get caught again. But…what about Brianna? Wasn’t it that he wanted to escape to get back to his wife? It is obvious that he won’t return to the future, but that cliffhanger disoriented me. Anyone who likes Roger and explains to me what his thoughts may be?

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT! Murcasta omg. Have you seen that flirting? I’m already aboard of that ship and ready for that relationship to happen 🛳♥️ Sorry @boyneriver-fraser 🙏🏻

I know I'm complaining a lot about this chapter, but I really don’t know what to think. I always try to look around and understand why the characters do what they do, but idk, maybe it's a problem of the writers, of the editors that cut scenes that prevent the story from being fluid, maybe it’s just me. Anyway, let me know what you think and sorry for any grammatical mistakes, it’s 3:30 AM here and i’m sleepy 😴

PS: gifs by Giphy

[mrcscnt]

i had an appointment on monday to evaluate my wisdom teeth and then somehow managed to schedule my actual surgery tomorrow (friday) and i’ve been freaking out for the entire week and losing sleep because of how incredibly terrified i am

but what made me feel even worse throughout this whole thing is that when i told my mom about this whole thing she got angry and argued with me about how i shouldn’t do this and i dont need to get this done and it lasted maybe only 10 minutes but it was 10 minutes of having to listen to her scold me on this despite the fact that i need to do this and she doesnt even give me a chance to ask her to help with the (ridiculous) price cause she ends the argument with “well fine it’s your money, you’re an adult, i cant stop you”

and so i went to my room after to cry, because of frustration and because of anger and because of sadness, and had to leave 10 minutes later to go out to dinner with them because it was my brother’s last night here before going back home

and of course it’s only when my brother talks to her about it that she even begins to understands but even then she doesnt offer to help with costs and from the beginning she never asked whether i was okay or whether i needed someone to be there for me on the day of surgery

so naturally i ask one of my friends to come with me, because surgery was 4 days away and i kinda needed to give someone a heads up to prep for this

so monday passes without anything from her and tuesday passes without anything from her and then wednesday comes and i’m still in a bad mood because i dont want to talk to her or be around her but i have the unfortunate displeasure of working with her so she’s there and then she decides that SHE’S going to take me to my appointment and even when i told her that i already asked my friend she tells me to tell them that i’m fine and i dont need them to and she has the right to go because she’s my mom

and yeah maybe she’d have the right go if she fucking gave a shit when i first told her instead of having her have some full on anger meltdown about me doing this and refusing to even think about how this might be making me feel

i’ve never been great with sleep but this week has been awful and none of my sleep has felt great and i wake up feeling awful and i’m genuinely terrified of what’s coming on friday and my anxiety is at peak performance and i just really dont want her there with me on friday 

i want this week to be over and i want everything to fast forward until far after this is all done and i want my mom to maybe stop being so fucking annoying and actually be sympathetic and caring towards my feelings for once in her fucking life