#and i hate that i'm an emotional piece of shit surrounded by people who dont wanna acknowledge their emotions

[fwips]

Hi fwips, i'm a little shy about coming off anon, but I want to let you know how much I admire your attitude towards haters in the voltrob fandom. I've been a follower for a while so I've seen how you respond to unnecessary commenters/haters whether it's on your art or about specific things in fandom. How do you not give a shit? Also, I love your cosplays - sometimes I have to squint to make sure you're the cosplayer and not the character themselves

thank you! im glad youre able to find enjoyment for so long! 

i think a lot of my apathy on this site and in fandoms in general is because i was so involved in the drama from fandoms and previous friend groups in my past and it taught me that all this stuff is make believe, the real world is what you should invest your time and emotional energy in. people on the internet literally do not matter unless you let them. people who say mean shit are trying to get a rise and attention out of others, because their parents failed them and they want acknowledgement of any kind. When you just ignore someone trying to get a rise out of you, i promise you it will make every online experience easier for you. Block who and what content you dont want to see, dont kick up fusses over things that don’t effect your actual progress in life.

I used to surround myself in people i only wanted to please, i wanted them to like me so much i sacrificed who i was, and by doing that became someone really ugly. I let people who didn’t care about me at all effect how much i cared about myself. People who try to start a fight or act like theyre above others for whatever their reasons are literally cannot shake someone who is apathetic. If theres one piece of advice I have for anyone, its that continuing to live and be the best person you can be, have good things brought into your life through your own hard work and kindness, will always be the best revenge.  Life isn’t short, it’s the longest thing you’ll ever do, but moments can pass by faster than you’ll be prepared for, so why waste them on dramatic fights over cartoons when you can go do something positive instead? For every negative interaction, do something positive, and i assure you, you’ll feel like a million dollars.

someone send you anon hate? draw the thing they don’t like that makes you happy so theres more of it in the world.donate blood or register to be a bone marrow donor! do something you know will matter in the real world where none of this internet pettiness will be able to touch you as a person. Actively trying your best to be a good person won’t make others stop having a problem with you, but it will make that THEIR problem, not yours.

[mrcscnt]

i had an appointment on monday to evaluate my wisdom teeth and then somehow managed to schedule my actual surgery tomorrow (friday) and i’ve been freaking out for the entire week and losing sleep because of how incredibly terrified i am

but what made me feel even worse throughout this whole thing is that when i told my mom about this whole thing she got angry and argued with me about how i shouldn’t do this and i dont need to get this done and it lasted maybe only 10 minutes but it was 10 minutes of having to listen to her scold me on this despite the fact that i need to do this and she doesnt even give me a chance to ask her to help with the (ridiculous) price cause she ends the argument with “well fine it’s your money, you’re an adult, i cant stop you”

and so i went to my room after to cry, because of frustration and because of anger and because of sadness, and had to leave 10 minutes later to go out to dinner with them because it was my brother’s last night here before going back home

and of course it’s only when my brother talks to her about it that she even begins to understands but even then she doesnt offer to help with costs and from the beginning she never asked whether i was okay or whether i needed someone to be there for me on the day of surgery

so naturally i ask one of my friends to come with me, because surgery was 4 days away and i kinda needed to give someone a heads up to prep for this

so monday passes without anything from her and tuesday passes without anything from her and then wednesday comes and i’m still in a bad mood because i dont want to talk to her or be around her but i have the unfortunate displeasure of working with her so she’s there and then she decides that SHE’S going to take me to my appointment and even when i told her that i already asked my friend she tells me to tell them that i’m fine and i dont need them to and she has the right to go because she’s my mom

and yeah maybe she’d have the right go if she fucking gave a shit when i first told her instead of having her have some full on anger meltdown about me doing this and refusing to even think about how this might be making me feel

i’ve never been great with sleep but this week has been awful and none of my sleep has felt great and i wake up feeling awful and i’m genuinely terrified of what’s coming on friday and my anxiety is at peak performance and i just really dont want her there with me on friday 

i want this week to be over and i want everything to fast forward until far after this is all done and i want my mom to maybe stop being so fucking annoying and actually be sympathetic and caring towards my feelings for once in her fucking life

[t-witch--gam-3-blog]

I fall asleep and see nothing but black all around me no dreams nothing then i awaken and see all kinds of things some beautiful some not so beautiful I hear laughter and crys but even tho with all this bood all these beautiful sights amd faces smells and tastes I feel so outta place when im wake I feel hated bettered unloved and not even good enough for my own flesh and blood im looked down on and fownded apound but the ones who should be lifting me up and it hurts the most but when I'm sleep and sorunded by the darkness in the abyss I'm trapped in. At lest there and in that moment i have no feelings im no longer runing from my thoughts or told how im worthless and a piece of shit no longer do I feel as if im a joke my broken heart that is no more at this every time to dont feel like a weight thats push coldness thew my vains all these thoughts and emotions that I suppress throughout the day they are lifted away when I'm in the dark in Abyss when I am asleep my heart no longer aches my pains are no longer pains it's just me surrounded by Darkness and for this this little time that I barely even have I have to say I'm thankful for because if it wasn't for that that's surely lose my mind not that I haven't already I just want to run away and turn my back on these people these thoughts these feelings these views in drowning give me my head above water and I just keep pushing through but these weights that keeps smacking me for every witch way with all this Rush I'm losing my faith I'm giving up and that's sad to say I hear keep pushing for not what you say only you can make you happiness only you can do this you can do that but in the truth that's a lie cuz everybody needs somebody whether it's a short or cry conversation cuz it Reason God Made Eve for Adam cuz you can't do anything alone you can't do everything on your own somebody have nobody when you can't depend on somebody somebody turn their backs on you flesh and blood your hopes your dreams everything you thought life would be was just dream and now you've woken and walked into this hell this living hell it's not that you chose them because God chose them for you he chose this life in this path they say they he wouldn't give it to you if you wasn't strong enough but he's been wrong before others are taking their life before me so who's to say they're not like me or I'm not like them I feel my days are shortened and I say this because I already feel dead feel like I'm not even alive I'm just existing taking up space breathing air it should be meant for someone else