#and i forgot most of it but i remember the rat torture scene a lot. so like

[dragoncarrion]

Going swimming is so funny I'll be getting the biggest revelations in the pool

[lys-lilac]

Yuki Sohma: An In-depth Character Analysis

I remember getting this anime as a recommendation in summer almost 2 years ago. Right, when the reboot season 1 started. I was so engrossed in this that I can’t tell you. The theme of the series always made me keep at the edge of my seat. And yeah, as the title suggests, I got to admire him the most-

I know, many of you might think that I fell in love with his beauty after seeing him in the anime for the first time, but unfortunately, it’s a big no. I love the characters who care about others so much. And he is the perfect example.

Now, the point is, what makes him steal the top rank for me while most of the fandom is basically about Kyo and Tohru? Let me put down the points. But before that, grab your earphones or headphones, and play this song as you read about the things he has been through.

1. His selfless attitude

His kind nature shines throughout the series. We see in the beginning that it was he who discovers Tohru living in a tent. He welcomes her to stay in Shigure’s home, even after knowing that their curse is being put at risk and takes care of her fever. After she sleeps, he ventures out in the night to dig up her belongings. Even though he mentions that he had selfishly taken her just to rebel against the family curse, still this is replaced by his benevolent and sweet nature towards Tohru. As a result, their relationship is beautiful.

He also has helped her countless times, whether it’s taking her back from her relatives, or lending her hand to carry the grocery bags. These all moments define how pure their bond is and how both trust and care each other.

2. His willingness to sacrifice everything 

This point actually reminds of Kasumi Toshiki from Romance MD: Always on Call. Even though he appears plain on the surface, he can go to any extent just for the sake of her happiness. One instance of this can be from season 2 episode 22. Kyo and Tohru seem to be in the hallway, with Tohru trying to grab the script from his hands. Just then, Yuki says whether they would give him way to go upstairs. It is obvious that Yuki would have seen the whole thing, but for her sake, he doesn’t interrupt. The line he says here is-

“You are precious. I look up to you. I cherish you because you provided for me what I desperately longed for.” 

Now what did he yearn for? It was Tohru’s love and affection for him, which he didn’t get from anyone else, not even his mother when he was a child.

3. The heart-fluttering sweet moments and his character development

Ah! Thanks to the production for such sweet moments of Yuki and Tohru. Even if the ship is not canon, they will still remain my favorite.

In my opinion, this story actually portrays Yuki’s development in character more than any other thing. This is amazing. The boy, who was unable to let go of his dark past, the truth that he was after was covered with a lid, all are slowly untangled with Tohru’s compassionate nature towards Yuki. Unlike the fan club who adored him only for his looks, she sees him in a different, more friendly light, which mellows him up. What’s more, the once timid boy builds up so much courage within himself that he doesn’t get afraid of Akito anymore and confronts her face to face. The warmth he searched for, finally reaches him just like a soft feather, landing on his palm, giving a soft and soothing touch of happiness. 

Let’s look at this background here. Yuki is surrounded by chinese bellflowers, which symbolize honesty, unchanging love and obedience. In his hand lays a white rose, which means, devotion, and innocence. The color white itself and his name are a symbol of peace and silence. This actually is an imagery for his character, and it resembles it truly.

Yuki had no intentions of getting on bad terms with Kyo. But it’s seen in episode 20, that Kyo shouts at him outside the banquet saying it was all his fault. Although he was small, but those words were like a heavy blow to him. What’s more, even when he comes back crying hoping for his mom to console him, she slaps him and warns him not to disappear again. (Noo... T^T)

(Kyo shouts this to him outside the hall.)

There is some fault with Kyo as well for this point. All Yuki wanted was to become friends with him. He yearned for the parental love and friendship which Kyo had since his childhood. But, the latter has the misunderstanding that Yuki had everything.

Yuki says this when he remembers that Kyo didn’t take the hat from his hand when he gives him. This makes him cry so hard, cause he was just a little child going through these painful things, all at once.

“There was something I wanted. Parents who would embrace me. A home I wanted to return to.” 

(Yuki cries after being ignored by Kyo.)

Even though Kyo’s behavior initially compelled him to be like that, even though he knew that there is a lot Kyo was internally suffering from, but in episode 22, he just couldn’t take it anymore. Instead of debating, he stays silent and shows his most vulnerable and hurt face to Kyo, because he didn’t want things to end up like that between them. He didn’t want the person he admired to lash out at him every time, when he was at no fault at all, and still is the prey of Kyo’s anger and apathy. This only leaves Kyo speechless, making him break the window out of frustration. This part pains me a lot, because Kyo had at least someone he can throw out his anger and put the blame. But Yuki didn’t even had that.

There is again this pretty imagery here. Yuki, when looking at Kyo, is bathed with the sunlight. This symbolizes the change he has gone through and accepted it, which is really stunning to notice. 

[The rest are in paragraph form from here]

Now that I have talked much about his positive points, let’s explore a hot topic which is often a reason of disagreement between Yuki’s fans and Kyo’s fans.

What are Yuki’s actual feelings towards Tohru? 

I know that almost all the fandom here will say these feelings which he talks about is what a mother would give to his child. And this point strengthens a lot more as it was confirmed by the author. If that’s the case, then let me state my thoughts on this, which are opposite to the author’s.

Let’s again move back to episode 22 of season 2. In the first half, Yuki talks to  Kakeru about his first meet with Tohru when he was a child. At that time, he was tortured so much by Akito, both physically and mentally, that he thinks that there is no purpose of his life, and he is not needed by anyone at all. With this thought in mind, he disguises himself with a baseball hat and runs away from the Sohma estate. After some time, he discovers Tohru’s mother, Kyoko, crying because she was missing. He suddenly remembers to have seen her earlier, crying in the street, and helps her to reach her mother. At last, he places the hat on her head and disappears. It is later seen that he has converted to his rat form, and cries on realizing that at least at that point, he was needed by Tohru, and his thoughts were proved wrong. 

He mentions that he almost forgot to ask her name at that time. And when he again was hitting the bottom, Tohru approaches him in the high school, slowly building courage and giving love to him. He also discovers later that the girl, whom he once his hat was none other than Tohru. With things unravelling, their bond becomes stronger. 

But, although he mentions that he had only motherly affection towards her and couldn’t see her in a romantic light, I still doubt the line itself.

“But she appeared before the hopeless me once again. To be with me, close to me. She even listened to what someone like me had to say. Time after time, she accepted me time and again. She’s beloved to me. Like how the sky feels so close, yet so far.”

This line, although somehow shows that Yuki is saved by Tohru every time he is in need of it, but it feels weird to say that he only thinks of her as a mother here. I mean, one can also feel like this if he/she is helped by a good friend, or a dear one. And Yuki also mentions that she is beloved to him. But, what about the last line? Doesn’t it sound like, he can’t reach her even if she was close to reach? Because this is the exact meaning. If we analyze word by word, then this makes sense, as Yuki had already realized by that time that Kyo and Tohru had mutual feelings towards each other. In fact, he says it himself that it dawned on him in the last episode of season 1 when Tohru chases after Kyo into the forest, the latter being converted to his monster form. And how could he not? This guy is mature enough to figure out anything. Then this would have been nothing.

One instance of this realization could be the beach arc episode 7 , where he says-

“I probably actually knew, in the back of my mind. What would happen if I opened the lid. What I must do. Thanks for always being willing to lend an ear. Thanks for always accepting my weaknesses.... You probably don’t know that you are the one who’s always saving me. You always shared your kindness, warmth, and joy with me. That’s why, I won’t lose. I will keep going forward, and keep believing.”

Tohru asks the exact thing which was going on my mind listening to that voice acting. Why did he look so sad there? And Yuki replies that she is just like the sky, very dear to him. Doesn’t it sound exactly like a confession to a person about what she did for you till now? Yuki already had realized that, and this is just a proof. He sounds sad, and he also compares her to the sky. The metaphor which comes to mind is that he is basically symbolizing that her vast expanse of kindness is just like the sky, which is so close, yet so far. Even if he wanted, he can’t keep her all to himself. That’s why he just says that she is dear to him. The way it is portrayed here, is just like saying goodbye before parting ways. Huh... I didn’t continue the season afterwards because of this scene. T~T

(Why, why did he cry after saying that she was dear to him....? Isn’t it right in front of your eyes? *sobs*)

And, if he only sees her as a mother, then what does this mean-

“I was so confused, not to mention incredibly embarrassed. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it, so I didn’t. I shut it away immediately. I stuffed those feelings down, teased and flirted like a normal guy with the girl he likes. But still, it felt wrong.”

It’s clear here. He had somehow developed romantic feelings for her, earlier. But when he realized it was not what he meant, and saw the gradual progression of Tohru and Kyo liking each other, he changes his mind, thinking that he might have been wrong the whole time. That the feelings he harbored for her weren’t correct. But when he thinks of her as a mother, he feels embarrassed. And it’s no different. Why wouldn’t anyone feel like that if it’s someone of your age? This implies that their relationship wasn’t a romantic one, but not a motherly one either.

Kakeru asks the same thing next. He says that maybe he has twisted his thoughts and feelings just after knowing that he had lost her to Kyo. But Yuki denies it saying-

“It’s not true why I feel like this. But, he properly sees her as a woman. He loves her. You can see it in his eyes. Her too. The way she looks at him... But I... I don’t want that! That isn’t what I want! I’d feel... so lonely. I am not willing to give up. I don’t know when to give up.”

(Such a pure boy... Just cried after saying that... )

Definitely as said above. He is obviously jealous of Kyo here. Not in a romantic way, but because he didn’t want Tohru’s kindness and hope she gave him to recede away. Even if it was like a good friend, he wanted to stay by her side. He is mature enough to see the bonds that she and he shared. And he is not the type to fret over getting rejected or anything like that. Moreover, you can already get a hint from the line that he approved of Kyo and Tohru. This always impresses me. The bond that these two have is so beautiful and unspoken, that it transcends romance itself. 

Although this is probably half of my reasonings, I will stop here. Although I covered the most important ones here, but I wanted to discuss many other scenes too. Let’s keep it for next time!

[tres-spades-hotel]

Becoming the Perfect Father, Part II

Hey everyone! So @lin-ful @leoamber66 and @flatsuke inspired me to start writing again! Have fun reading this and prepare yourself for the angst and action across the story... enjoy!

Part II - Kiki’s Heirship, a Backstory of Memories

Hi, my name is Kiki.

I used to be an orphan on the streets of Japan. I had to fend for myself, always dipping in and out of society for a while when I realised my family were no good to me. The scar they left me with on my eye made the famous billionaire, Eisuke Ichinomiya, the man leading Japan’s economy, curious. I saw him one day and believed in my heart I could be safe. I was only 7 years old when I followed him into his hotel one evening.

He crouched down to ask where my parents were but upon hearing the word, I was both crying and hitting him on his chest.

I hated the world for thinking that parents and family were what kept you safe because I didn’t believe it was true.

He didn’t know what to do with me.

I didn’t know what to do with me.

So he took my hand and led me to the penthouse elevator, thinking that Uncle Baba and Uncle Ota could calm me down. And they did. Throughout my time with them for the first few weeks, I was happy. Everyone played with me, they were patient with me, they were curious about me.

Dad looked after me, mostly because he was concerned about Uncle Baba’s antics. Blackmail was all it took to make his brick walls faulter. That day, talk of sending me to an orphanage arose and, apparently, Uncle Baba did not like it.

So Dad kept me, almost like a pet. He fed me, gave me shelter, clothing, and toys. After all this time, I really owe Uncle Baba for helping me even though I didn’t know it then. But there was only one thing Dad wouldn’t give me: his affection. To be honest, I don’t think he knew what it meant to give warmth and love to another person, whether it’s a woman or a child. That is, not until Mum came into our lives.

Instead I spent most of my time asking questions and receiving no answers. They were mysterious people with the world held tight in their hands. They could do anything.

I wanted that ability too.

Of course, it would be some time before I realise what responsibilities that ability entailed. I thought that if I were powerful, I could look after myself and never get hurt again. But it just wasn’t true.

‘Boss, let’s play a bit of poker.’ Uncle Baba said one day.

‘No.’ Rejected.

Uncle Soryu looked up from his book and sent a disapproving look at him.

‘Baba, there is a child here.’

‘Poker is not for children.’ Uncle Mamo muttered sleepily.

Everybody shot Uncle Baba down for the suggestion.

‘I want to play! Can I play too?’ I shot my arm up and waved it around.

‘No.’ Rejected. Again.

‘Kid, you do not want to play poker. You’ll lose instantly.’ Uncle Mamo finally got up from the couch for the first time that day.

‘Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!’

‘Koro, he’s saying that you don’t have enough money to play.’ Uncle Ota was always a devil.

‘Now, now Ota, don’t be so mean to Kiki. She’s just curious,’ Uncle Baba crouched down onto his knee.

‘Princess, poker is an adult game but you’re more than welcome to watch!’ He was always the more kind adult in the group. But I know that they’re all kind… in their own special ways.

‘You can watch me! With you by my side, I’ll win for sure!’ Always jolly too. He slipped an arm around me and hugged me close while the other lingered in the air like a star performer.

‘Baba, you always lose.’ Uncle Ota quipped in a matter-of-fact tone.

‘I do not!’

‘Koro, come sit with me and I’ll let you play with the chips!’

‘Uhhhh….’

‘Stop it. You’re confusing her.’ Uncle Soryu was always a firm favourite of mine after Mum and Dad. I might even be so bold as to call him a secret crush.

‘That’s enough. Kiki, sit next to me and watch what I do.’ Dad ultimately came to my rescue and the game began.

‘So Kiki, first we all put in a certain amount of chips.’ Uncle Baba held up a white chip, a red chip, and a blue chip.

‘How many chips?’

‘However many you want. Boss always insists he go first.’ There was a glare involved.

’10 million.’

‘Can’t you lower the amount?’ Uncle Mamo never did have as much money as the others. But…

‘If you don’t have enough money you can leave. Or are you so poor that you have to use our money to live in this hotel?’ It was rare to see Uncle Soryu smirk so evilly.

But Uncle Soryu always “convinced” him to continue. And Uncle Mamo always rose to the bait.

He threw another red chip into the middle. Raising the stakes.

‘Ooooohhh, Mamo is getting ready to win!’

‘Even though we all know he’s going to lose. Just like you Baba! The old men always lose.’

‘Shut up!’

‘Hey! That’s so rude Ota!’

The game was under way, with Dad and Uncle Baba giving audible instructions on how to play. I suppose this game was what shaped me into the Tres Spades Casino Queen when an international poker competition was held at the hotel.

‘Alright, time to show hands.’

I remember lifting up my hands as if it was an order. I also remember everyone laughing because of my hands.

‘Not your real hands. The cards.’

‘Ooooohhhh.’ You can imagine how red I was and how deeply I had buried my face into the pillow on my lap.

Uncle Mamo lost, Uncle Ota had a Three of a Kind and Uncle Baba had One Pair.

It was down to Uncle Soryu and Dad.

‘If you win, you can have the property you’ve been pinning for.’

‘Very funny.’

Uncle Soryu had a Full House.

Dad had a Royal Straight Flush.

‘So… who won?’

Throughout the games that afternoon, I was snuggling closer and closer to Dad’s body. And, for once, he didn’t push me away.

I was grateful for it.

*

‘Here you go Dad! All neatly organised in alfabetisal order.’

‘Alphabetical order.’

‘That’s what I said, alfapetical order.’

‘……….’ I knew Dad was sighing inwardly but I was content with life at the time. I didn’t know the danger that would happen hours later.

For a while, Dad decided to put me to work, to make up for the fact that I couldn’t pay to stay in the hotel. It was a bit dick-ish on his part but at least he didn’t sell me at the auctions. Eventually, he became more caring towards me as time went on. Waking me up when I had nightmares, patting me on the head, allowing me to help clean the paper work in his office. He even took me outside once on an exploration trip to see potential buyers and land to put the Ichinomiya name on.

I thought that I could finally be free from the pain I received. For a little while, I forgot why I had run away and why I was broken. But they reminded me of what my worth was.

‘Baba and Ota are taking me shopping. Should I get you something?’

‘If you want to.’

‘Like what?’

‘Whatever you think I will like. And if I don’t like it, I will tell you.’

‘Yeah, okay. Alright, I’ll be back later! Don’t work too hard!’ I waved my hands at the doorway to the purple man behind the desk. He didn’t look up.

‘Why am I here?’ Uncle Mamo whined.

‘Because you were sleeping. You need to do more than just eating and sleeping.’ Uncle Baba said behind the steering wheel.

‘I have work to do!’

‘You don’t have a job!’ Uncle Ota declared.

‘Yes I do kid!’

I couldn’t help but laugh at the scene in front of me. Uncle Baba decided that we should all hang out for dinner and try his new recipe of dumpling stew so he dragged us out to go shopping. But apparently I was too curious for my own good. It wasn’t long before I had wandered off to a different section of the shop that I felt a hand cover my mouth with a drugged napkin. I saw them pass by a corner before slipping into unconsciousness.

I hated myself for believing that I had a chance to live freely.

*

I remember waking up in a warehouse. I was chained to the ground with cuffs around my ankles and wrists. The stone ground was cold and miserable. I had to force myself to sit up and was instantly sick on the floor beside me.

‘She’s awake.’

‘I can see that idiot. Call the woman.’

When I was done, I looked up to see masked figures and screamed. They wore grizzly bear masks but not the fun-loving cartoon kind. They had tortured looks on their faces and blood seemed to seep out of the eye hole cut outs. A 7-year-old’s imagination can speed towards any direction but I knew better. They were symbols of the family I had left behind.

I backed into the wall behind me, hoping that the wall would open up and I could get away.

‘You’ve caused a lot of trouble young missy. You’re mum is very worried about you. Why don’t you speak with her, you little rat? Hm?’ A raspy voice floated out of the mask but I couldn’t move my hands close enough to my ears. The man reached out towards me but I took a bite into his fingers before they could touch me.

‘Ah! Damn you!’ He stood up quickly, cradling his right hand, and kicked me in my ribs. He threw down a punch on my left cheek for good measure before stomping off.

I was so used to the pain that I stopped crying out back then. But I guess staying with the bidders softened me too much. I sobbed quietly, feeling a thin stream of blood trickle down my face, and remembering the masks.

They were quite literally called The Family. I was born into it after my “father” slept with his mistress while his wife was giving birth to his third child. Illegitimate and alone, I was abused mercilessly by my half-siblings and their mother. Father didn’t care about me, he only lived for women and alcohol. But he kept an iron-fist over a torturous empire dedicated to illegal smuggling of organs. They used the bloody bear masks to practically scare their victims to death.

They were proud butchers. All of them. I was ashamed of the torture that it became a threat to my life every day.

Death was at my doorstep until I could take it no more.

‘You disgusting child, you never should have been born!’

Finally, she broke after her children accused me of attempting to steal money from their safe. They all knew it wasn’t true. She knew it was not true. She reminded me my place in this world when she drew a katana out and slashed it down my eye.

It wouldn’t be until I meet Uncle Luke Foster, who gave me a new eye and got rid of the scar, where I erase all traces of The Family.

‘The woman said to cut up her body for parts and organs. There is an auction nearby where we can sell them.’

I know now that they were talking about Dad’s auctions but luckily for me, I would never be put on that stage, dead or alive.

Before the bone-saw was even picked up from a medical cart, the screeches of car tires echoed faintly. The ground seemed to rumble like an approaching earthquake when suddenly, Uncle Soryu’s black Bentley tore through the main doors, forcing it off its hinges completely.

Dust lifted up and invaded our lungs as gravity set in and plunged the remains of the doors into the ground. The car doors opened and Dad came out in such a stylish manner that I thought I was in a movie.

‘Kiki…’

‘Eisuke!’ We looked at each other for a brief moment, a brief look of anger on his face, before he turned to see the man standing by me with the saw.

Dad stepped forward with a briefcase when one of the henchmen pointed his gun at him.

‘Don’t move!’

‘Eisuke!’ Uncle Soryu had his gun on the henchmen who immediately started shaking under his intense gaze.

Dad opened the briefcase and slid it forward.

‘$30 million in cash. If you give me the girl.’

They started mumbling and whispering, wondering what to do. It was clear the money Dad offered was substantially more than what they were originally being paid. But what would a famous billionaire hotel mogul want with a battered child? Looking to their leader, many of the men waited for an answer.

He looked down at me for a moment but I didn’t dare make eye contact.

‘Fine. Take her. She’s as good as dead anyway.’ The masked man threw the saw down and slowly crept up to the briefcase. He kneeled down when a shout came from the back of the warehouse. A large group of men appeared from the shadows with guns aimed at the heads of the henchmen.

‘Don’t shoot! Drop your weapons and get down!’

‘Wha-‘ Uncle Soryu moved quickly and bashed his gun onto the man’s head. He fell unconscious.

‘Don’t be so surprised. The Ice Dragons can be very useful at times like these.’ Dad had a smug look on his face; he knew he had won.

‘Mafia?!’

‘The Ice Dragons?!’

‘What are they doing in Japan?!’

The henchmen struggled and muttered and whined as the Ice Dragons led them away.

‘What should I do with them?’ Uncle Soryu handcuffed the man and forced him to stand on his feet.

‘The usual.’

‘Fine.’

‘Hey princess, let’s get you out of there.’ Uncle Baba’s voice came from one of the masks and I almost screamed again.

‘Don’t worry! Look!’ He took it off and I was relieved.

‘Baba…’ He unlocked the cuffs and Dad helped me stand up.

‘How did yo-‘

‘After you went missing, we did some digging around.’ Uncle Baba said, dropping the mask onto the ground.

‘We found out about The Family and traced you to here.’ Uncle Soryu came forward after handing the unconscious leader to Uncle Inui.

‘How though?’

‘The pager Eisuke gave you.’ Uncle Ota pointed to the object in my pocket.

I looked up at the man.

‘I never lose what belongs to me.’

‘We were lucky they didn’t take the pager from you. We’re glad that you’re safe.’ Uncle Soryu smiled at me.

‘You came to save me?’ I grasped Dad’s hand and asked in a small voice.

‘What kind of owner would I be if I let you get yourself kidnapped?’ I heard groans from the others.

‘Eisuke….’

‘Boss, she’s not a pet.’

‘Hey, Koro belongs to all of us. Not just you Eisuke.’

‘Eisuke?’ I said.

‘What?’

‘Can I stay with you?’

Dad looked mildly taken aback but he regained his composure, took out his pocket handkerchief and dabbed it on my cheek.

‘Ow…’

‘Stay still.’

‘Yes, stay very still for me.’

We all turned our heads to the sound of the new voice. He stood there in front of the car. The glare of the knife against the moonlight shot into my eyes. I blinked multiple times in the hopes that I had imagined him. My birth father stood there glaring at me alone, ignoring the Ice Dragons around him.

‘Stay very still while I cut you up into thousands of little pieces you damned hell spawn.’ He spat out those words that I knew so well while I quivered. He was capable of violence in every way. There were many times when he killed servants or subordinates out of anger. He was even worse when drunk, I never forgot the day when he stumbled in intoxicated and killed my mother in front of me.

‘He’s mad.’ I heard Dad whisper as he positioned himself in front of me. Shielding me.

‘You’ll have to get through me if you want her.’ Dad stood his ground and stared the crazed man down, something no one has ever done. But all it did was enrage him further.

Everything happened so fast that day, that everything is still hazy even after 15 years. He charged at Dad while gun shots rung across the warehouse. Uncle Soryu stopped him, dodged the knife, and grabbed his wrist, pinning it behind him. But that man got free and elbowed Uncle Soryu in his stomach. Suddenly, they were grappling with a gun and, as Uncle Baba and Uncle Ota tried to get me away, a single shot hit me.

‘KIKI!’ I remember falling to the ground clutching my side and hearing the yells of everyone around me. Dad’s face was the last thing I saw before blacking out.

I thought I was dead for real; I guess he almost made good on his promise to kill me.

*

In the end, I never saw The Family again. While Dad was bribing the henchmen hired by my step-mother, Uncle Mamo and the police arrested The Family using proof given by Uncle Baba’s sources. Apparently, he smelled of alcohol too that night so to hear that Dad killed my birth-father gave me a sense of peace that I didn’t know I had the capacity to feel.

I spent 2 week recovering in a private hospital. I was grateful. They never left me alone, always watching over me. The bullet wound did a lot more damage than the staff thought but they patched me up really well. Later, I would ask Dad to send small gifts to them as a thank you for looking after me. One of the nurses said that I nearly died on the operating table and that it was a miracle I pulled through at all.

‘You must have a big will to live, my dear. I’m sure there is someone you are living for in this life.’

I was unconscious for a while in the hospital after the operation. But I clearly remember the things that Dad said when he thought I was asleep.

‘Getting yourself kidnapped, getting yourself shot, nearly dying during surgery, you’ve lived through so many incidents. That’s not even mentioning the abuse you suffered growing up. He was mad. Very mad. I saw it in his eyes the hate he had for you, for the world. A man like that never survives. Only people like you. People who brave through situations, no matter how horrible or tragic, get to live in this world. I should know.’

I felt my hand enclosed in his hands.

‘I lost my family when I was your age. But I was taken in by my adopted father who was a close friend of my dad’s. He raised me, gave me a home, and taught me how to take care of myself. I repaid all of his kindness for giving me a new chance at life. Now I want to do the same thing for you. You asked if you could stay with me. I don’t intend to let you go, not after all this. I promise I will raise you the same way Akira raised me so that you can say that you made it through your trauma. That you deserve a new chance at life. Besides, Baba would have my head if I let you go now. You’ve really wiggled your way into our hearts Kiki. And it’s not a bad thing.’

‘Eisuke? I’ll look after her, you can go back to the hotel.’ Uncle Mamo walked into the private suite, so I couldn’t answer him. But in my heart, I already did.

‘You alright?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘She’s a tough kid. She’ll wake up soon.’

‘Oh I know. I doubt after all this, she would give up that easily.’ The door closed as Dad left the hospital.

I never forgot his words but I also didn’t ever tell him I knew. Maybe he sensed that I was awake but didn’t say. Dad never mentioned it and I was too shy to bring it up.

Eventually, the wounds healed but my body was still scarred. I went back to the hotel after what felt like forever. They held a little party to celebrate my return but I think they just wanted an excuse to drink. The way they drunk alcohol was very different to what I was originally used to. For a moment, I thought they would become like my birth-father, but it turns out maybe he was just a violent drunk.

Hours later, Uncle Mamo started sobbing and Uncle Baba reflected on the meaning of life, often asking me if I knew the theory of evolution. I was 7 years old.

Uncle Ota went to sleep and Uncle Soryu only shook his head disapprovingly at the mess in front of him. Dad gave me orange juice and snacks until I started feeling sleepy. He carried me upstairs in his arms. I woke up cuddling Dad in his room the next morning.

I finally found the home that I had always wanted.

*

After Dad and I got ready in the morning, Mr Kenzaki came to the penthouse.

‘It is good to see you’re back in high spirits again Kiki.’

‘Thank you!’ I said while eating an apple.

‘Here sir, the documents you requested has arrived.’ He handed over a black folder and Dad opened it.

‘Good. You can leave.’

Mr Kenzaki bowed and I waved goodbye.

‘Kiki. Come here.’

I got off my seat on the couch and stood in front of him. Dad un-crossed his legs, turned me around and lifted me up onto his lap.

‘Bwah!’

‘Pfft, are you comfortable?’

‘Oh, yes!’ I replied, looking up at his face. He placed his hand on my head and turned it towards the black folder.

‘Do you know what this is?’

‘Important documents?’

‘Yes. Do you know what of?’

‘For new property?’

‘No.’

‘A contract with another company?’

‘No.’

‘A restraining order on Uncle Baba?’

‘Pfft, if only.’ Dad chuckled.

‘Then what is it?’

Dad put the folder on the couch and adjusted me around so that I could see him.

‘They are adoption papers.’

At the time, my brain blanked out for a second. I had absolutely no idea what it meant. Then it clicked.

‘Who are you adopting?’

‘You know the answer to this, dummy.’ Dad laughed at my dumb question and I asked another.

‘You’ll let me stay?’

‘You don’t need to live in fear anymore Kiki. I will raise you to become my heir to the Ichinomiya Group and the Tres Spades Hotel. There will be hardships but I’m not about to allow you to go.’ He smiled a rare smile at me. I cried horribly ugly kid tears. All the tension in my life suddenly melted away when Dad held me tight to his chest. He patted my head as I sobbed my heart out.

‘You don’t have a choice in the matter.’

You have no idea how many times he says this exact line, or maybe you do. It is indescribable the feelings and emotions I had that day. Somehow, I found myself a new family and a new father who would look after me and love me like a real father. I believed that the idea of a family didn’t exist but the truth is that it does. You just have to know where to look.

Mum was added into my family a year later. A year after that, Uncle Luke, Uncle Shu, and Uncle Hikaru completed my family.

*

Hi, my name is Kiki Ichinomiya, President of the Ichinomiya Group.

And I am the heir to the Hotel King’s legacy.

[amandabe11man]

a VERY LONG post about Hell on Wheels

YEAH i forgot about this post in my drafts... it’s been like a year since i finished the show now and i feel i’ve barfed everything out into this post (that i can think of), so here it goes (you’ll have to shield your eyes after the spoiler warning if you don’t wanna be spoiled btw. i can’t seem to be able to add a read more-link...) :

SO... i finished watching “hell on wheels” at last, pm half a year since i started. it’s funny because i was under the impression that i’d sOMEHOW be able to binge all five seasons within just one month (reason: i wanted to watch it before my free trial on HBO’s website went out). honestly, that wouldn’t have been possible because it was a LOT more emotionally draining than you’d think at first glance... after being gutpunched three times in a row in season 4, any reasonable human would need a little break.

anyway, it feels-- weird. i’ve never been big on following tv-shows so i haven’t been able to relate to that feeling ppl describe once they’ve finished a show they’ve become so attached to, except NOW i can relate. the show’s not groundbreaking, it’s not perfect, but i’ve had a lot of fun. what a ride it’s been...

looking back, i’d say HOW’s biggest weakness is its tendency to forget or ignore certain plot points. i guess that’s not too weird, with such an arsenal of characters, but still, i find that’s what bugged me the most, if anything bugged me at all. for example--

[SPOILERS for those who might wanna watch it after seeing me go on abt it, idk]:

first off, what REALLY grinds my gears is how ezra dutson’s plotline was handled. it was set up perfectly in the beginning; having him escape from the swede (who promised him that, and i quote: “i’ll find you, ezra! i always do”), the original plan was obviously for ezra and the swede to “reunite” some time in the future so that ezra could tell everyone that the swede killed his parents, thus tying up loose ends and giving some closure to that whole arc. some might say this would’ve been too predictable, but i would rather have that predictable storyline than having it just end unceremoniously like it did, with ezra dying ACCIDENTALLY and off-screen by sidney snow’s hand, simply as a way to further bohannon’s pain and set the stage for ruth’s final arc. this might’ve been fine, if the writers had made it so that ezra actually, y’know, TOLD SOMEONE WHY HE’S AN ORPHAN TO BEGIN WITH. but they didn’t even give the viewer that form of closure, instead just deciding to use him as a plot device for the other characters’ increased angst... bohannon and the others were never even made aware of ezra’s last name, and this is all what bugs the everliving SHIT outta me: the only ones who know, or will EVER know, ezra’s full story is the swede and the viewer, tho after season 4′s end, ezra is never mentioned or acknowledged again-- not by bohannon, and not even by the swede. ezra went from convenient character with a PURPOSE to “nameless” orphan forgotten by history. thanks, writers...

then there’s the whole deal with campbell coming to town to reinforce The Law™, which wasn’t a bad arc, mind you-- campbell and his goons were the most infuriating little shits for a while there-- but the thing is; didn’t campbell LIE to his men about the president giving him the position as governor? i might’ve misunderstood it, but i’m PRETTY sure the president didn’t give him THAT much of an upstanding role, but that campbell just went ahead and took that position anyway? if that was indeed the case, then that’s another plot hole, cause nobody finds out about campbell’s possible trickery to become the governor. nobody rats him out, despite literally no one in “his” town liking him all that much, so they’d have no reason to protect his “secret”. (correct me if i’m wrong on this one though. i might be misremembering things)

then there’s the other pretty infuriating issue of bad guys never getting called out for doing bad shit (unless it’s the swede, who gets all the blame, all the time), for example:

major dick bongbendix(???idk he had a silly name like that) is presented VERY MUCH as a bad guy in the beginning. y’know, just casually beheading natives on all his missions and collecting those heads and taking them to the bar like a fucking nutcase-- those little details. he also seemed to believe in racial biology, so yeah, definitely not a good guy. but by the end, he’s been watered down into some quirky guy who’s ALMOST on friendly terms with the main characters. yeah, uh-- seems everyone (writers included) collectively forgot the whole public display of cut-off heads he had going on...

aaron hatch: started off as a guy too proud for his- or his family’s own good when he shot the police officer, BLAMED IT ON HIS FUCKING SON and then just kinda let bohannon hang the kid even though it was pretty obvious hatch was just shifting the blame away from himself. THEN he reappears with some other mormons and causes a full-on shootout in the town (probably getting some people killed, i don’t remember), TAKES EZRA (also a mormon) HOSTAGE SO THAT BOHANNON WILL COME WITH THEM WILLINGLY and passive aggressively forces bohannon to marry his daughter who bohannon knocked up. somewhere along the line, hatch’s bad side is just thrown to the wind, and bohannon at one point describes him as “a good man”. yeah, ABOUT THAT--

sean and mickey mcginnes: unlike the ones mentioned above, these two started out as seemingly decent dudes, but ended up pm as secondary villains in the end. however, like the ones mentioned above, they hardly face any consequences for whatever crap it was they did in boston, OR the fact that they killed and fucking mutilated/dismembered a man in cold blood (a man who WAS gonna kill them, yes, but HE did it because he thought they had killed his friend, which wasn’t a farfetched idea since mickey DID brag about killing the dude even though he didn’t actually do it). sure, they face their OWN demons as time goes on, they get ostracized, and they start losing faith in each other as well, which ends up with mickey killing sean before the latter can confess(?) his/their crimes. so, while sean was spineless and a creep, at least he thought about finally owning up to what he’d done in the end, whereas mickey lives on to keep doing shady shit, killing people, and getting increasingly more corrupt. he does end up pursuing new goals in the end, but it’s obvious he’s not happy about it anymore. that’s-- really all the comeuppance he ever gets, and the only one who knows about his shady businesses are pm just bohannon, durant and eva (also, personal gripe here-- they seemed to not settle for “just” tarring and feathering the swede and publicly humiliating him, but i’m pretty sure i recall mickey telling bohannon they were thinking about having the swede killed too. keep in mind, this was BEFORE the swede truly lost it and started killing people left and right. apparently, being kind of a douche about taxes is bad enough to warrant being tortured and cast out by the entire community... i’m obviously biased here, but still-- the mcginnes bros’ double standards are amazing to behold)

now that i’ve aired some of that out-- here are some highlights, according to me:

unexpected friendships, like that between eva and durant. i’d say the swede finding that stray dog and fawning all over him qualifies into this category too

durant and campbell fighting in the mud before finally coming to an agreement -- just- durant and his competitors being petty as fuck, honestly. it’s hilarious

bohannon trying to get through to elam by reminiscing about their friendship, especially since bohannon isn’t one to show his feelings often OR get sappy -- in fact, EVERY time bohannon loses his stoic facade is a good moment. when he was gonna bury elam and he just broke down completely for the first time since we were introduced to him... that shit had me in tears as well, but man was it a great scene

jimmy two-squaws

every time the swede opens his mouth (yes, even when he’s spouting some lies and bullshit like that)

ruth’s character development. i admit i didn’t like her at all in the beginning, idk something just felt off about her, but man did she ever grow on me. just-- how everyone kinda relied on her eventually, even though she’s only like in her 20′s or something... she still became a pillar of the community. bless ya, ruth :’ı -- also, her essentially adopting ezra was Pure as heck. I Lov it

the fact that this was the 1800′s and the only backlash the (openly) LGBT characters faced for it was pm just “yeah they’re a bit confused maybe but they’re not hurting anyone”. maybe that’s not very realistic but WHO GIVES A SHIT AMIRITE

mr tao just being a sweet old man

chang’s sunglasses, straight out of Django Unchained

mr toole’s complete heel-turn from racist POS to someone who sticks by his word to turn himself around. that shit was impressive coming from him, tbh

bohannon just calmly running into a buffalo by the train tracks

mei posing as a grown man instead of a boy (which is what she looks and sounds like, oml)

another thing i realized is that bohannon is a classic gary stu. there’s just no getting around that fact after seeing him being revered by most everyone he meets, how he’s somehow the only person able to build the railroad(s) fast and efficiently, and even wooing the literal PRESIDENT and becoming close friends with him-- all this despite his Bold and Brash personality. of course, there’s more to bohannon than these gary stu-symptoms, but i felt someone should bring it up, for the lulz

[nadziejastar]

In a lot of your posts, they have a lot of the texts from the novels and manga. If you were to go off of ONLY the games, would Subject X still be hinted? I think yes, but I'm a casual fan.

Well, I developed my opinion on Subject X based ONLY on the games. I played all the games as soon as they came out. So, that would be many years ago at this point. I didn’t read the novels or the manga until after I beat KH3, which was relatively recently. My opinions on the story/characters were quite solidified by then. I actually read them because I thought KH3′s story was so inconsistent with the previous games.The novels/manga simply reinforced the opinions I already had formed after playing the games. I felt validated by them, but they had nothing to do with my opinion on Subject X. 

Now, are you are asking me if I think Subject X—the way it was written in canon—was hinted at in the games? A mysterious time-travelling girl that Lea and Isa were looking for the whole time they were in Organization XIII? LOL. Hell no. Absolutely not. She was never hinted at even once, not even vaguely. And the way Axel and Saïx were written was never consistent with that motivation at all. If you mean Subject X as a concept? Xehanort’s lab rat? Yes, definitely. That was pretty much EXACTLY what I always expected Isa’s backstory to be, based ONLY on the games. I thought Lea and Isa were set up perfectly to be test subjects. When I play the older games, I’m still unable to see them as anything but test subjects. That’s how much support there was for that idea and how little there was for anything else. 

I was VERY confused when KH3 did feature a character who was Xehanort’s lab rat. But instead of being Isa, it was a random girl he never mentioned before (but apparently was obsessed with). Them being apprentices was something so farfetched, it never even once crossed my mind. I didn’t understand how anyone could give that girl the backstory that seemed 1,000 times more suitable for Lea and Isa. How could the person writing the story not see that? How do they expect the fans to not see it, either? How dumb and/or incompetent do you have to be to write the story that way? How did that even get approved by a whole team of people? Those were my thoughts when I played KH3, based ONLY on the previous games.

That is NOT how someone will feel if a story is well-written. Some people act like Nomura made the story up as it went along, with each individual game. But that wasn’t the case for the games building up to KH3. Re:CoM and KH2FM+ were released together. And BBS, Days, and Coded were being developed simultaneously. These were all part of one big master plan. The way Saïx was written in Days was connected to how Isa was written in BBS, etc. Isa was planned to be a good guy MANY years in advance. IMO, him being the real Subject X was hinted at MANY years in advance. If you think anyone else was foreshadowed to be Subject X, let’s look at the games one by one. 

Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix+

In all the games building up to KH3, the only person from Axel’s past that had any relevance was Isa/Saïx. They could have hinted at Subject X any time they wanted to in ALL these games, but they never did. In KH2FM+, all the new scenes with Saïx involved his relationship with Axel. Saïx seemed to be conflicted about Axel’s elimination. Xemnas made a comment to Saïx about Axel chasing the illusion of friendship. This scene hinted that Axel wasn’t really obsessed with Roxas like people thought. He was really just trying to recover his lost friendship with Isa. I had always suspected that Axel’s “obsession” with Roxas was due to his troubled past, so it didn’t surprise me at all. And Nomura loves twists like that.

They were setting up Isa’s relationship with Lea to have significance, not his relationship with anyone else. It’s absurd for me to think that they were trying to track down a girl they didn’t even know existed. They had real problems to worry about. KH2FM+ also introduced the Chamber of Repose and the Cavern of Remembrance. This all suggested that the experiments on the darkness of the heart would be very important and explored in much more depth. Xigbar seemed to have heavy involvement in these experiments, since he didn’t want to go down into the castle basement. And he’s the one who taunted Saïx about not being able to see Xion and not having a heart.

Kingdom Hearts Re:Chain of Memories

Castle Oblivion is all about recovering forgotten memories. The other most important recurring theme in Re:CoM was reuniting with people you miss. Pretty much every Disney world incorporated this theme. This was the perfect opportunity to hint at Subject X, but they didn’t do that. Instead, they chose to keep the focus on Axel’s relationship with Saïx.

Days made a big point of showing that Axel changed a LOT after coming back from Castle Oblivion. Saïx said this to him on Day 193, called “Memories”. He also asked Axel if the past meant nothing to him. Axel said he missed what was gone between him and Saïx. He didn’t mention missing anyone else. There was also a new scene where Axel acted extremely cold to Naminé because she was making two childhood friends fight. Isa was the only childhood friend we ever saw, and he later became an enemy. In every game building up to KH3, Isa was set up to be the most important character to Lea. Subject X? Crickets.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days

Axel said in his report that he forgot what friendship felt like after becoming a Nobody. That was the whole point of him befriending Roxas and Xion. He was not focused on friendship until he met Roxas. And Saïx was always cold and indifferent towards everyone, even Axel, who was his best friend that he was inseparable from. They’ve been together for 10 years in the organization. I’m expected to believe that Saïx was able to care about some imaginary girl, but not his best friend? To be honest, I thought that the writers had to be drunk if they thought that was believable or realistic. Or that it made Saïx more sympathetic.

Even in Days, I could tell that Axel had a lot of baggage from his past. He always treated his memories of the past like they were sacred. Day 150 is about having something you can’t bear to lose. He said that for Nobodies, it was their past, because that’s all you have to remember the pain of losing something. Perfect time to mention Subject X. After all, her disappearance was Axel’s motivation, right? But the story made it perfectly clear: Axel was heartbroken over the loss of his best friend. Nothing else was ever mentioned. Axel was good friends with Roxas, but I got the sense that he was much, MUCH closer with Isa. 

Personally, I thought Axel was a former test subject ever since the original KH2. It fit him perfectly. He was a sad, lonely, dysfunctional person. When Days hinted that Axel had a tragic past and dark secrets that he didn’t like to talk about, I was not at all surprised. He suffered from something way more traumatic than someone he barely knew disappearing. And it never seemed like he chose to be in the organization. That’s why he was always yearning for his childhood with things like ice cream and summer vacation. My personal belief is that Axel was always written with the backstory of a former test subject in mind. They came up with Saïx‘s backstory later, though I suspected he might have been a test subject too, due to his scar and his berserk state, which made him seem kinda freakish. We always knew that Xigbar and Saïx were unique due to them having gold eyes and pointy ears.

Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep

When I played BBS, I knew that something horrible must have happened to Isa to turn him into someone like Saïx. The difference between Saïx and Isa was like night and day. None of the other Nobodies were THAT different from their human counterparts. BBS also confirmed my opinion on Axel/Roxas/Xion. Lea was WAY closer to Isa than he was with them. Isa seemed like a shy kid. But he was very comfortable with Lea. And Lea acted much more naturally with Isa compared to Roxas and Xion.

After BBS, it was obvious that Isa was not a villain, and that he was going to be on the good side at the end of KH3. This was the game that was supposed to show you who the organization members were as humans. They showed that Braig was always evil. Lea and Isa were only in one single scene, other than the epilogue. So, why would they choose to show him as an innocent kid who was Lea’s best friend? Obviously, all of this was to show that he was the polar opposite of Braig. How is that consistent with his canon characterization? He sold his soul to Xehanort, did icky jobs for Xemnas at a pace Axel couldn’t keep up with, and tried to murder Axel. Why would anyone in their right mind choose to write Lea’s best friend that way, if he was not possessed? Especially if they wanted him to appear in future titles?

In the epilogue, they showed Lea and Isa eating ice cream together. Sea-salt ice cream was VERY important to Axel’s character. Axel defined friendship as people who eat ice cream together. I knew that Isa was very special to Axel if he was the origin of his addiction to ice cream. They also showed Lea and Isa trying to sneak into the castle. This was BEFORE the experiments took place. So, Subject X had nothing to do with why Lea and Isa were originally trying to sneak in. They wanted to sneak in because it sounded like fun. Not because they thought people were being tortured in there. There’s no evidence the mystery girl even existed back when BBS was written. The apprentices were not recruiting kids to be apprentices, they were kidnapping kids. What reason would Ansem have to let them be apprentices anyways? It makes no sense.

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance

In KH3D, Lea was recompleted. Xehanort was gone. He could have used that opportunity to look for information on Subject X. But he didn’t even mention her. He immediately set off to look for Isa. That was his main priority upon being recompleted, not finding Subject X or Roxas, who had gone back to Sora. Lea wasn’t even concerned that Saïx was trying to hunt him down in KH2. He was happy to look for him, even when he was putting himself at risk using the dark corridors. He used the same lines he did for Xion, which had huge narrative significance. It was clear that he was dead set on bringing Isa home. If Subject X was important, Lea didn’t act like it. KH3D sent the message to me that Lea was VERY devoted to Isa. Why even write him this way if he wasn’t supposed to rescue him eventually? Why make it seem like Isa was kidnapped if he was supposed to be looking for Subject X?

Lea and Isa were also the only two who were wearing the black coats when they were recompleted, which gave me the impression that they were test subjects. The apprentices never wore the black cloaks. And of course, the big revelation in KH3D was that Isa was a vessel. Unlike Xigbar, he seemed like he was being controlled, like a puppet. Lea awakened his Keyblade, the Flame Liberator, immediately afterwards. Xemnas also mentioned mind control experiments in this game. Why bring this up if Subject X was only experimented on for her memories. NONE of the games gave me the impression that Lea and Isa were apprentices, that Isa willingly joined the bad side, or that there was some mystery girl that he was looking for. They gave me the impression that Isa was one of the many characters who needed their hurting mended. That was supposed to be the main theme of KH3, after all.

Birth By Sleep Final Mix+

Xemnas may have called Aqua’s armor “friend”, but that was only because he had access to Terra’s memories. He tried to manipulate Aqua by impersonating Terra in KH0.2. And I got the impression that a similar idea was behind the relationship between Axel and Saïx. In the secret ending of BBSFM+, the camera zoomed in on Master Xehanort’s eyes when he said he had many other roads open besides Terra. Then they zoomed in on the amnesiac Terranort’s eyes, showing that they were brown. They zoomed in on Ansem the Wise’s eyes afterwards, showing that the were orange. And finally they zoomed in on his eyes again when he was in the Realm of Darkness. The implication was that Master Xehanort had so many options because of these experiments. His goal was to create vessels, not learn about the age of fairy tales.

Ansem put his research results in Sora to atone for all the lives he ruined. It can be reasonably discerned that Ansem Seeker of Darkness and Xemnas had orange eyes because of Ansem the Wise probing the depths of Xehanort’s heart, to restore his memory. He gained all of Terra’s memories in the process. And in the games building up to KH3, they specifically changed Saïx’s eyes from gold to orange. This implies that the same thing was done to him as well. We know Subject X was also an amnesiac and that Ansem the Wise hid them away when he released the other subjects. It makes sense that Isa was the same as Terra.

Kingdom Hearts 0.2

When Riku told Kairi that she was going to be training with Lea, she was shocked. She later admitted in KH3 that she was afraid of him, because he kidnapped her. But she said that she found it hard not to like him because all he ever wanted was to help his friend. That’s exactly what I expected to happen. My impression after playing KH0.2 was that Axel’s relationship with Roxas and Xion was meant to provide him with character development. This would allow Lea to fulfill his TRUE purpose in the story: becoming a Guardian of Light and rescuing his real best friend from Xehanort. Axel’s friendship with Roxas was supposed to carry over to Ventus because they both had a friend who was a vessel.

Axel’s friendship with Xion was meant to carry over to Kairi specifically because they were going to be training together in KH3. Kairi awakened her Keyblade because she wanted to bring Riku and Sora home. Lea and Kairi were planned as friends because he also wanted to bring his friend home. Axel’s friendship with Roxas and Xion played an important role in Lea’s development. But my impression was that getting Isa back was the ultimate goal of Lea’s character arc, not Roxas or Xion. And especially not Subject X, who is irrelevant to the Xehanort Saga.

Saïx could not see Xion for some reason that was never explained. He has a large Recusant’s Sigil scar on his face which was never explained. Axel said Saïx’s personality changed drastically, while he stayed more or less the same. This was never explained. Saïx had orange eyes like Xemnas, but this was never explained. Subject X does not explain ANY of these things. But Isa being experimented on as the REAL Subject X just happens to explain ALL of them.   

Kingdom Hearts 3

When Lea said he’d always be there to bring his friends back, Xehanort got a really nasty smirk on his face and sent Isa to attack him. It was just to punish him for ruining their plans. Xehanort knew exactly why Lea was there, and how to hurt him. Then during the final battle, it was a repeat of what happened in KH3D. Lea was ruining their plans yet again and Xemnas wanted to punish him. He was so confident that he had Isa under his full control, he thought he could murder Lea right in front of him and he wouldn’t do anything. He turned his back on Isa, literally and figuratively. Isa was positioned to be directly behind Xemnas’s right hand. He was his right-hand man, after all. Everything was all set up perfectly for Isa to finally betray Xemnas. That’s what being a recusant means in the first place.

Lea’s reunion with Roxas and Xion didn’t even feel like an organic or natural development in the story. It felt like shameless pandering. Subject X felt even more unnatural than Roxas and Xion did, which says a lot. Then there was Saïx’s transition into a “good guy”. If they wanted a character like Saïx to be redeemed, they would need to give him an actual redemption arc. Axel was always sympathetic and likable, and even he needed a redemption arc spanning multiple games. Saïx was WAY nastier than Axel. It would take a LONG time to redeem him. But…he was never humanized. The games went out of their way to depict Saïx as inhumanly cold as possible.

It was a deliberate CHOICE not to humanize him in ALL of these games. Yet there he was in the ending, chilling and eating ice cream, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Now, this would make perfect sense if his backstory was a nice kid who was kidnapped, experimented on, then got possessed. He wouldn’t have needed a redemption arc in that case. So it makes perfect sense why one was never planned for him. In every game, the emphasis was NEVER on Saïx being redeemed, but on Lea saving Isa. The power of waking was the main goal of the story. Isa was introduced in the game called “Birth by Sleep,” which IS the power of waking. 

Lea and Isa being test subjects would have made the story far more interesting for 99.9% of players, I guarantee it. But it’s not even just that. Every game since KH2FM+ was written to give the impression that they were test subjects. There’s no way the writers weren’t aware of that. They knew exactly what message they were sending to people. And it makes waaay more sense than them being apprentices. I could not understand why anyone in their right mind would waste all of that foreshadowing and change their backstory to something FAR less interesting and also not very believable. If something doesn’t make sense it’s usually not true. I’m no detective or anything, but the only thing that makes sense is that Isa was planned to be Subject X for well over a decade. Then at the very last minute it was changed to this new girl. 

There’s three reasons I could think for someone to believe that Subject X made sense the way it was written in canon. They are either:

A. Not looking at the story very closely. Probably a casual fan.

B. A blind Kingdom Hearts fanboy/fangirl who will defend anything in the story.

C. Not very intelligent or perceptive. 

[otome-addicts-notsoanonymous]

This is the entry from @otomemonogatari for the fanfic giveaway! Remember, in order to vote, you must COMMENT on this post! To find the rules for voting and the master post, look under #fanficgiveawaymaster or here. The other submissions can also be found under #fanficsubmissions.

Title: WORTHLESS GIRL

(aka when you give up on making cool sounding titles do you just riff off of ‘imperfect girl’.)

Summary: In a bathroom somewhere in the world, a hapless girl finds herself overwhelmed by the world.

Genre:  drabble, angst, slight romance

Pairing: mc/eisuke motherfucking ichinomiya

Rating: mature probably

WARNINGS: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE NEAR THE END

Author’s Note(more like incoherent ramble tbh): so this be my first “””””””eisuke fic”””” in that focuses more on mc and her inner turmoil. How I got this this idea was because in the past few days I discovered @catchthespade ‘s account and one particular post on mc and eisuke’s relationship they did. It looked at them, their relationship and how it is presented throughout season four. They ‘talked’ about mc’s lack of self worth and esteem and was just a real great break down of both characters. It’s a great read and something when I read it I felt it said what I’ve been thinking for a while  but way better. They also just framed certain scenes that shone them in new lights which me at twelve am doesn’t really ever notice.

So basically, I read this really thotful post and was like ‘mhmmmn, I gonna write about that.’

so I hope you enjoy.

She had once heard of the phrase ‘walk tall my friends…”. It was a baffling phrase. One whose origins she couldn’t remember, and whenever she did try to do so all that was garnered was a perilous sense of loss. But, like most things of torturous sadness, it had stayed with her all the same. The meaning chasing after her in a never-ending maze.

To Walk Tall.

What was it like? What was it like to be able to ‘walk tall’?

She was stubby, small, a midget. She couldn’t walk tall. Whatever god that had decided that didn’t allow her to. She slouched, was wobbly and couldn’t prance in heels. It was a permanent disadvantage to her life. It made it impossible for her to function in the society that had been thrust upon her.

Although, even if she weren’t stumpy and short and incapable of walking she still wouldn’t be able to ‘walk tall’. She was a leech, a parasite,‘an organism which lives in or on another organism and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other’s expense.’She took from him, Eisuke Ichinomiya. She was a negative force in his life that simply stole from and caused him trouble. He’d tell her not to worry, he always told her not to worry, but that never changed the fact that she attracted trouble. It never changed her being useless, and it never changed the fact that she could not walk tall because of her very nature.

Ahh, but dear, they’d cry,don’t worry. It’s just like how we kill our world slowly and how half the population is dying. We know it, oh it exists, but we just don’t worry about it. Ignore it, it shouldn’t matter to us. Instead of worrying, just let it grow, let it swell to a magnificent proportion that absorbs everything with it.

‘Become what you claim yourself to be, you can if you want to. I don’t mind.’Was what he had told her oh so many times.

And, he says that but: Would he really tear himself apart for something so selfless? Would he really allow her to become such a horrible leech on his life?

How could she walk tall then? How could she if she leapt into the arms of her failings? How could she when there would be nothing about her that would have a reason to? How could she when she was so useless? How could she if all she ever did was lean and prop herself up on another?

How could something so pitiful ever even breath?

‘Please. Please. Please just stop. Don’t exist for a minute. All of it, please, for one tiny moment as short as my worthiness, please just stop.’She screamed.

The window in front of her, it long and bearing her for all the world to see, was frosted with ice and snow to the point where it burned skin to a blazing heat. Inside out, her organs too were burnt to a crisp that would never fully heal. The white fire always so close that her tongue danced with its taste as if it were a crème brûlée flamed to perfection. It the best treat you could ever eat.

In the window pane itself, there was a girl. Now, the girl wasn’t there when she had first entered the lofty bathroom, there was nothing but the stillness of a frozen world. But once her toes touched the toasty waters of the tub, the girl appeared stark and bared for all the world to see.

And she, the girl, was a small thing. Pathetic you could say. Frame weak and fragile to the touch, she was almost like amber: easy to shatter and break into millions and million of teeny tiny itty bitty pieces. You could tell of her childish nature from how she carried herself. She slouched, shoulders bunched high and eyes downcast, almost afraid to look at the world as it was. There was nothing spectacular about her: body without any major curves with everything small, whatever beauty she sported not once ever captivated on.

She was, in short, a missed opportunity. Not quite a women in too many regards. A poor example of what a women should be.

She closed her eyes, head face up and did not look at the girl in the window. Her and the light reflecting a truth too vibrant to witness with open eyes. Too real to bear its consequence. She wouldn’t even peak a sneak.

Don’t think. Don’t give it a chance. Don’t give her room to breath.

Shoving it all away with hands and knees and elbows and anything she could use, she felt uncomfortable in the deep tub. The bathroom was too large, so much space completely useless for anything but walking. The marble floors cost an amount that would certainly make her head implode, with the bath itself able to fit too much.

In it she felt so tiny, like a rat scrounging for somewhere to live. To be truthful, she always felt like a rat and sometimes she even thought she had more in common with them than actual people.

It never used to be like that, however. Along the way she had devolved to such a pathetic way of existing. Where that had began she could pin point exactly however it was not like she could say it. To do so would admit a lot and neither of them could. She couldn’t face the fact and he couldn’t acknowledge her, and so it ended up as another shard of her reality that would chase after her like it were the hunt. Haunting her for all of eternity.

Ah~ But that was a bit dramatic, a bit of an exaggeration, a bit too much of a lie. There were moments where she forgot all about it, forget who she was and the way which the world she lived in worked and how vast it was. How poor of a person, a women, she was. It came in rough kisses and exposed breasts and tantalising touches that trailed up further and further along her thighs. Mewing like a kitten so hopeless in its ways.

Oh, how sweet those poisonous moments were~ Even now they brought a smile to her lips. The fact that drinking something that killed her made her happy too disgusting.

Although: was it better that there were times where all she knew was the man know as Ichinomiya?

Although: wasn’t that her life already?

…

…

…

Drawing in her legs, she tried to abandon that too. Yet, how could she when it was just her and them?

Then she couldn’t help but hope for there to be something else. For there to be the pattering of rain or even just a ringing hum. Just some noise so she wouldn’t be so alone.

Ahh, but that was all she ever was.

She chuckled.

No wonder she couldn’t stand tall. She was begging for things as simple as that.

Eisuke, on the other hand, stood tall. If anyone ever stood tall it was him. He was the tallest. And there she was trailing behind him, so insignificant and so small.

If anything he was untouchable.

If anything he was irreproachable.

She wasn’t worth him.

Wasn’t worth anything.

Her arm followed the dripping water, then the rest of her soon followed too, and then everything was clear. Or unclear. It wouldn’t matter much longer.

Instead, stay here for awhile, Don’t get up. Rest your pretty head, the watercalled.

Under neigh, everything was so blue and so beautiful. Was she too, for once, beautiful? A crown? A gem? Twenty million? Was she that?

And now, she could feel it. She could feel the water take her in its arms and it felt so good and so lovely and so right. Her breath was stolen and her checks became a blush red and her thighs dripped.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

More and more she cried.

More and more she wanted her vision to fade.

Body to fade.

World to fade.

Fade, fade away.

For there to be nothing but stardust.

Such pretty pretty stardust

[concealeddarkness13]

A New Dawn Bonus Story!

This part of the story is told from Xanth’s POV, as he has now also been mysteriously transported to Tersatellus. This is happening while Kai, Rat, and Eli are in San Angeles. Tagging: @ratracechronicler and @merigreenleaf! Xanth comes in contact with the Huntsmen and the aliens that are pursuing Kai.

Here is the post that has the links to the other parts!

Xanth

I found myself in a strange city, surrounded by crowds of people and loud sounds. I could only stare as people shoved past me. I had just been in my room, reading over a book on machines. What could have happened? I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

When that didn’t work, I looked around. Maybe I could recognize something. I had read about the places in my world. But none of this looked familiar. And there were machines I didn’t recognize and that I couldn’t possibly imagine their function. I grinned. I was on another planet! And this place had such different technology!

I walked up to someone, but they didn’t seem to see me. I waved. “Hello! My name is Xanth. I seem to be new here. Could you tell me about the machines all around us?”

The person just mumbled something and shoved past me with a confused expression. Something in their eyes was glowing. I just smiled wider. Were there somehow machines connected to these people’s eyes? This was amazing!

I kept trying to ask people about the machines, but most of them just kept moving with confused looks at me. And there were people around in uniforms carrying weapons and watching the crowd, so it probably wouldn’t be smart to just try to take and dismantle one of the machines.

Finally, someone approached me with a smile. I grinned at him. “Hi! My name is Xanth! I’m new here, and I was just curious about the machines around here. Could you answer my questions?”

He nodded. “I’ll be happy to answer your questions. Please follow me.”

I frowned. I didn’t know who he was or what he wanted. “Couldn’t you just answer my questions here?”

He shook his head and gestured for me to follow him, but when I didn’t move, he walked back over to me and gripped my arm too tight. “You can come with me quietly, or I can let everyone know what you are right now. Then, well…” He smirked. “It will be hard to get you away from the mob before they tear you apart.”

I stared at him. What I was? What was I to him? I didn’t want to cause a scene, though, so I just let him pull me along. Maybe these people had no idea about other planets and would panic if they learned that I was from a different planet.

Once we got to a place that had barely any people, the man turned on me, his eyes dark, even as he was smiling. “Thank you for your cooperation. You are in the care of the Huntsmen now.”

I stared at him. I had no idea what that meant, but it didn’t sound like a good thing. Before I could ask anything, someone hit me in the back of the head, and I fell unconscious.

*

I woke up chained up in a cage, with people surrounding it and staring at me. What? Who were these people?

I should be feeling scared and bewildered, but for some reason, my emotions calmed, and I set my jaw. Being treated like an animal was somehow familiar to me.

The man who had taken me walked up to the cage with a smirk on his lips and took out a swab and syringe from one of his pockets. I glared at him. “What do you want with me?”

He just snapped his fingers, and the other people surrounding the cage pulled out some strange kind of guns and pointed them at me. I tensed as he opened the door and walked up to me. But he didn’t say anything. He just gripped my jaw tight so I had to open my mouth, and he put the swab in my mouth and rolled it around on the inside of one of my cheeks. After he was done, he handed the swab off to someone else and then grabbed one of my arms and held it out so that the inside of my elbow was up. He tied a rag around my upper arm as a tourniquet, and he drew my blood.

He still didn’t say anything as he turned around and left, slamming the door behind him. The people lowered their guns, and more people walked up to the man (let’s call him Jerkface from now on). He brought my blood to a machine as they talked among themselves. I was actually able to hear them.

Jerkface was speaking. “Based off the limited information we received from Specimen 311-5-1, it seems we should consider it Specimen 311-5-2. After we get more information from these samples, we’ll know more about both of the specimens, and we’ll be able to educate the public about the threat.”

Threat? Okay. These people certainly were the shoot first, ask questions later. “I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t even know how I got here. I just want to figure out what’s going on. Please.”

Jerkface didn’t even glance back at me. “These threats need to be eliminated. We have no idea where they come from, what they bring, how they got here, or why. Tersatellan lives are in grave danger. We could be on the brink of an invasion we know nothing about. But…if Specimen 311-5-2 is from the same place the other specimen is from, we could use it to bait the other specimen. Then we can use both specimens to expose all threats. Convince the public that anyone who can selfishly manipulate the rightful law of nature is a threat.”

Oh. So they were just awful. Got it. And they wouldn’t listen to anything I said. That didn’t mean I had to be silent. My adoptive parents would always jokingly say that all my questions were annoying. I could use that to my advantage.

I exaggerated the fear in my voice. “What do you want with me?” A lot of the people in the room turned around with significant glances to each other. “What are you going to do with me? Who are you? Who am I? What’s the meaning of life? What’s going on with all these machines around here? Why did you have to swab my cheek when you also got a sample of my blood? Would you like a strand of hair too? What is this planet like if this is my welcome? Is there anyone else you’ve put in cages like this?”

By about the thirtieth question, Jerkface opened the door and, while the rest trained their guns on me, put a gag in my mouth. I still tried to speak around it, even so. But they just ignored me even more. At least I knew I had annoyed them.

*

They just kept ignoring me, and I just kept trying to annoy them. A few days after I had been captured, I was just trying to sleep. It was nighttime, and people weren’t actually around me. I squeezed my eyes shut, but I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. I was thinking too much. How had I even gotten here? How could I get back home? 

And then…everything just blanked out. I didn’t feel anything, and my thoughts all fuzzed away. Even so, I instinctively tensed up as I opened my eyes to see a human-like figure standing in front of me, but they were certainly not human. They had ice blue skin, and their hands were see-through so that I could see the bones and muscles underneath. Their hair also floated in the air and looked more like jellyfish tentacles than actual hair. An alien? Did they have those here?

They smiled down at me. “Xanth! Darling! I’ve found you!” She, at least she sounded like a she, smiled wider, revealing pointed teeth.

Shouldn’t I be feeling something, anything, about this alien? She seemed to know me, so she was probably from the same planet I was. But I had no idea who she was. Might as well be polite. “I apologize, but I don’t know who you are.”

She put a hand on her chest and gasped, but she didn’t sound particularly genuine. “That hurts! You forgot me and all the wonderful times we had together?”

I cocked my head. “I apologize.”

She shook her head. “No matter. I’m here to get you out of here. We’ll see if I can jog your memory later.” She took out some keys and opened the cage door. She unlocked the cuffs around my wrists and grabbed my arm, still smiling widely. “Let’s go.”

*

Tila kicked me in the chest so I flew back against the wall. She clicked her tongue. “Oh, Xanth. Do try to remember. Kaira was your friend and she also forgot. That’s not a coincidence. You must have been part of the group of people who put the machine in her.”

I coughed as I tried to get enough air in my lungs. Ever since she had brought me to this abandoned building on the edge of another big city, she had been hurting me, as if that would make me remember. And still, I didn’t feel anything, except for an odd familiarity. I had experienced this dampening of emotions before. I just couldn’t fight back against it well. But I didn’t recognize the name Kaira. I had no idea who she was talking about.

She walked up to me and grabbed my hair to keep my head up so I was looking her in the eyes. “You should be grateful that I saved you from those humans. They were planning on killing you once they were through with you. So, are you sure that you don’t remember someone named Kaira?”

A little bit of annoyance bled through the nothingness. “I don’t remember that name at all. And I think it’s a great idea to torture me to help return the memories. It will surely work.”

She hissed and cut my cheek with her knife. “So, you still are able to fight against my powers.” She stepped back and smiled. “A good excuse to hurt you more. And even if you don’t remember her, Kaira might happen to remember you. We can use you as bait.”

Brilliant. I sighed and stood up, getting into a defensive stance. I still didn’t feel much of anything, but I could brace for what was coming.

[seawolvesanddragons]

Stranger Things Season Three Thoughts (SPOILERS)

I watched the first four episodes of ST3 with my cousin over a period of two nights, then binge-watched the final four today. Some assembled thoughts:

-sadly, I knew from spoilers from news articles on my phone (which I literally couldn’t avoid because I can’t take them off my screen, which pissed me off, so thanks Buzzfeed and other online magazines) that someone was going to die and found out in between the first four and the last four that Robin was gay. I’m thrilled Robin is lesbian, but irritated that those scenes got ruined for me because magazines can’t keep spoilers out of their freaking article headlines.

-on a whole, season three was...pretty good. I’ll stand by that. However, I think I liked season 1 and 2 better. This season was clearly more about character development then action, which can be really great, but then when the side-plots and action scenes they used to fill the episodes between character development just felt really, really slow.

-they spent a lot of time on side characters (Ms Wheeler and all that lifeguard nonsense, the Mayor, random scenes of the carnival) that took time away from main characters story time, which I didn’t like

-literally every time I see Ms Wheeler and Billy interact I feel physically ill

-El and Max friendship is wonderful

-The kids are some of my favorite characters in this series, and I was sad that we really didn’t get to see them interact a lot as a group. Even when they were all in the same room, it was only when there was a lot of action. We saw the boys interact. We saw eleven and Max be friends. We saw the couples interact. But I would love more scenes like when they welcomed Dustin home, or odd pairings: Lucas and El doing target practice together, Will and Max kicking ass at video games, Dustin, Max and Will going to see a movie together via Steve. Just...we had to just kind of assume these kids are all friends instead of them really SHOWING it

-Then we had the Big Fight between Will, Lucas and Mike (with Dustin thrown in there at times) because...all they care about is their girlfriends now, which sucks and really isn’t healthy, and the whole episode showed that Will was still feeling out of place, like something more than the Mind Flayer changed. And then, for the rest of the season they just...forgot about Will? He suddenly barely had any lines, hardly interacted with anyone - and I don’t get why. It’s like they don’t know what to do with him when he isn’t possessed. The others have clear roles - Lucas the Prepared Ranger, Mike the Leading Paladin, Eleven the Mage, Max the Healer/Cleric, Dustin the Rogue/Bard, Nancy and Johnathan the Detectives, but with Will, they just...left him there. Which was very frustrating

-I loved The Scoops team (though Erica got on my nerves a little at times) but I wish Dustin had been able to interact more with the other kids. I get they were fighting, but some occasional radio contact would have been nice. The duo of him and Steve is great, no argument, but not at the total expense of him with his buddies.

-I’ve known Billy was doomed since I heard his name (people with “B” don’t last long in this show) and honestly? I really don’t care that he’s dead. I feel bad for Max, who had to witness it. I understand that Billy was abused by his father, and had hard prepubescent and teenage years. But Billy also abused and terrorized people, and Season 3 did not show that he had changed. It was not his sole fault he became an abuser and a bully, but he is not absolved of his actions. Also, it would have been bullshit if Billy survived when every other person the mind flayer got was killed off.

--Hawkins as a town has GOT to be suspicious of what is going on

--Robin a wonderful and I love her

--Erica as a math genius!

--The latter half of this season had some steller Nancy-Mike interactions, which I had missed in season two and the first part of season 3. I’m glad the Duffers finally remembered they’re related

--Hopper had some serious temper problems this season that had me very wary of him as a character

-I know a lot of people are angry because of Erica’s capitalism (which...she’s ten. It’s the 80′s. She’s repeating what she has heard her father and the news say.) and the whole coke thing and the evil Russians but I really am just too tired of fans to care about it. The first two seasons had evil Americans. Hell so did this season. Russia and America were locked in an arms race. I never cared about Coke to begin with. Let me just enjoy the show.

-I liked that they had to take lengths to split the groups up in this season. Scoop Troop was out of range underground. Hopper and Joyce were on the run. Nancy and Johnathan did manage to get a hold of the kids. My thoughts when Will realized the Mind Flayer was back while Joyce was learning magnets don’t work and Nancy discover rats were rabid was “now, given all the crazy shit that happened the last two years, why wouldn’t they immediately get the whole gang together to solve this more quickly. They know how this works by now.” And there was a reason that they, for the most part, couldn’t do that.

-I understand this is the 80s and summertime, and it’s explained the Wheelers just...don’t keep up with their kids (again, your kids were both caught up in some sort of government stuff less then two years ago. WHY aren’t you keeping up with them?) but Erica says that her mom would be keeping tabs on her (at least, if not her and Lucas) and Dustin JUST got home, surely his mom is trying to spend time with him? They were 100 percent gone for over 24 hours from their homes, every one of them. Why were the Hendersons and Sinclairs not looking?

-Hopper ain’t dead. No body, the American at the end, and also I just don’t buy it. He’s coming back.

-Why the FUCK would Joyce move her kids away at this point? I get she doesn’t want anything else bad to happen but...her kids were traumatized and also they developed a support system out of the friends that shared that trauma, or at least witnessed it. There is NOWHERE that she can move to where El and Will could find the support that their friends would give them.

-That being said, I hope this means we get awesome siblings El and Will next season, when the Byers move back to Hawkins. Because that is happening damn it.

-Stop killing off Joyce’s love interests. Let her be happy

-Joyce’s house survived the season (probably to let her sell it) and while I kind of wish it was destroyed so she couldn’t move - which is what I thought would happen - I’m kind of glad for the house.

-I kind of wanted to see the kids in high school - like, taking down bullies by using language and techniques both from their dnd games and their upside down adventures. Nancy and Johnathan setting straight any kid that dared mess with their little siblings. Steve giving advice to all of his children, but especially Dustin. Max joining the Basketball team.

-JUST LET THEM PLAY DND

-I know most people probably loved the inclusion of the Paranoid guy who could speak Russian being back, but honestly I found most of his scenes unnecessary. I kind of liked him in Season 2, with Johnathan and Nancy, but he just irritated me this season.

-Lucas and Will’s little smirks when Mike said he loved El were adorable

-Actually, there were a lot of good little Will and Lucas friendship moments this season

-I felt there was a lot of focus on Hopper and Joyce’s storyline, at the expense of the other two/three or “kids storylines” and I wish they hadn’t. For one, their storyline was very straightforward - it wasn’t so much a “mystery to solve” as it was a “outrun the enemy” storyline, and it took away from time they could have given to showing the kids interacting and developing.

-the COLORS this season I really did love all the cinematography

-is there any explanation for the green acidic goo?

-Detective Byers. I love it. Make it happen.

-how did the mindflayer get in El’s leg? Is it after her because she...opened it? Because it want’s her powers? Is it going to go after Will at all?

-no one found how quickly this Mall went up to be suspicious at all? It’s been like...8 months since the scientists got booted out.

-Can Steve, Nancy and Johnathan PLEASE interact?

-Nancy and Robin for the next female bffs please

-I love how Robin tried to be all “Nancy Wheeler is a Priss” and Steve Harrington, who has seen Nancy Wheeler, certifiable badass, fight monsters and take down governments, is like “no, no she really is NOT.”

--Not only did Stranger Things kill a LOT of people this season, they had their characters kill as well. While none of the kids did (thank god) both Nancy and Johnathan killed in self defence at the hospital. Hopper killed (though that isn’t super unusual) and Joyce was 100 percent prepared to kill. Steve (after finally winning a fight) was tortured. That’s a great deal of trauma for the older set to go through, on top of everything else, and I wish they would acknowledge it.

-look I just need all the fanfics now of all the kids/older teens interacting and being friends in middle and high school.