#and i feel like a lot of my allistic friends see me as One Of The Good Ones

[sanguinewolves]

gonna be honest yall sometimes i don’t like being autistic.

[twin-wxngs]

Nightmare Critters counterpart discussion.

{So, before I begin, I would like to point something out. I don't normally do speculation like this to a larger scale. However, I would also point this out as well regarding the discussion of these 16 characters:}

{The nightmare critters are not really counterparts. They are just another group like smiling critters. So! With that in mind, this topic is just for fun. So with that out of the way, let's begin under the cut. We'll be going in release order.}

When looking for counterparts for the Nightmare Critters, you have to look at their negative traits and find what clashes with them. Now, I could be wrong about some of these, but this is my take on them.

1. Baba Chops

Baba doesn't exactly like being outside. And while her friends tend to convince her after loads of trying, she seems to dip back into the same recluse we seem to see her as. Because of the fact she prefers her alone time compared to spending time with her friends leads to me believe that her counterpart is none other than the leader of the Smiling Critters: Dogday.

Dogday essentially embodies everything that Baba doesn't like doing. Spending time with his friends, being outside and having fun with others. That's what he loves the most, being there for his friends. On top of that, Baba would be that kind of person who wouldn't like having a leader role and would push it on to someone else if it meant she'd have her space.

One other thing to note, is that Baba's scent is Anise. If you don't know, Anise is a plant that is actually very unhealthy for dogs when consumed too much. However, it is also seen as a dog's catnip, making them more happy and energetic to an alarming degree.

2. Icky Licky

Icky from the looks of his description, is a very gifted individual with actual good merits. However, the problem is his attitude when making competition with others. He seems to be the type to make multiple excuses, pin them on any excuse, and maybe even pin it on other people just to say he didn't lose. As competitive as he is, he's a spoilsport with a knack for making multiple pleading cases because he doesn't want to lose. The person I can see him clashing with on this scale is Hoppy.

You see, Hoppy is energetic and sporty as well. Although the difference between her and Icky is the fact that she wouldn't really take losses that seriously. She loves sports, but she loves sharing those sports with her friends. While they're both competitive, Hoppy would actually take the loss like a champ and swear she'd win next time. And trust me, she means that.

Minor note, but both of them are animals that do a lot of hopping and jumping, if it helps you see what I'm saying.

3. Rabie Baby

Now, Rabie's counterpart doesn't really seem all that obvious. But let's take a look at what she says. She loves secrets, and she loves to blab about them to their friends. Unfortunately it seems that Rabie's big mouth of hers might seem to get her into trouble. She doesn't know boundaries, and seems to constantly push into blabbing about others because she loves to do so. I can think of one person for this, and it's Bobby.

Bobby is like the tight knit, responsible older sister of the group. She knows her friends boundaries and makes sure they're okay mentally when they're feeling down. Everyone goes to and trusts her to keep things quiet, essentially the therapist of the group. Meaning, she does know her fair share of secrets about her friends, but she keeps that kind of thing to herself, because she doesn't want to start anything. And come on, that's rude.

4. Allister Gator

Allister is definitely what you would call a lazybones by heart. He doesn't risk wanting to try anything if it means it won't bring him anything good about it. Essentially, if it doesn't benefit him, he won't do it, because he's waiting for the right thing to come by and be good for him. He's essentially a slouch that doesn't really want to put any effort, because he thinks he's good as he is. Which is a stark contrast to Kickin.

Kickin, believe it or not, is a coward who is afraid to try new things. However, this also makes him a little bit lazy too as a result. Because of this persona he has when wanting to be seen as the cool one, he's going to push through it and do anything to be seen as cool among his peers. He may not be the most courageous, but he puts in an effort to try to be, because good things will happen if you put in enough effort. And he makes an effort to try and stand out, unlike Allister here.

5. Simon Smokes

Simon is definitely one of those people that wants to be seen, but the thing is, there's something deeper going on here. You see, the way he carries himself and the fact he seems to want attention, to pay close eyes to his accomplishments makes him a bit.. desperate. Keep in mind, dragons aside from breathing fire, are known for hoarding treasure. Because of this, you could say his pendant embodies his greed for attention and gratification, which is quite opposite of Crafty.

You're all gonna kill me for this, but I'm saying it anyway. And no, it has nothing to do with them being the two mythical creatures of the group. It's moreso how they carry themselves about their talents. Compared to Simon, Crafty is more closed off about the things she likes to do. Although she wants friends, she doesn't know how to make them either, but doesn't want to bother people either, making her a bit of recluse. But the thing is, she's good at what she does, but doesn't outright gloat about it either. She'd only talk about it if you asked, being more humble and modest, probably saying it's not that good. Unlike Simon, who thinks he's on top of it all.

6. Poe

Poe definitely isn't having a phase. Jokes aside, they seem to be quite unlikable towards daylight, and seem to prefer being at night. In a sense, you could see Poe as a bit of a night owl, with the irony that they're not an owl. By the sounds of it, Poe would be the one out of the Nightmare Critters with a nocturnal schedule, wanting to be awake at night, and asleep during the day, but let's be real. If Baba's persistent friends are anything to be taken out of context, they don't let Poe do this. Which is funny, because I don't think Catnap would either. .

If you haven't forgotten, Catnap's whole deal is sleeping at appropriate times. He makes sure everyone is well rested before they have a good day of playing and having fun, which is the balance he shares with Dogday. He wouldn't like it if they were suddenly awake at night like this, especially if they have no reason to. Catnap's love for sleeping at night is both a duty and a passion, even if he's still a cat. Which you know, he takes naps during the day. Poe would probably hate this guy due to his insistence on sleeping at appropriate times.

7. Touille

Touille, despite appearing to be a glutton, is honestly more of an oddball with disgusting tastes. It's been said that seems to talk everyone's ears off when it comes to talking about his favorite thing: trash. He likes eating it, but I imagine he also likes to collect it as much as he loves talking about it. Although he's not smart in a traditional book smart sense, he seems to make up for that fact in street smarts. The difference in that scope of knowledge would contrast beautifully with Bubba.

Now you see, Bubba is what you'd call a textbook smart individual. Research? History? Document, he's your elephants and seems to know quite a lot on that side. The problem is, like Touille, he seems to talk a bit too much whether you like it or not. But unlike Touille, he doesn't really know how to apply that knowledge in a street setting. He'd prefer being in a library compared to the dump. But unlike Bubba, Touille would probably eat a book instead of read it, if it looked unsalvageable enough.

Another minor note, but Elephants don't really like rodents. If you remember they're too small for them to see, which kinda helped me make a connection.

8. Maggie Mako

Maggie usually has one thing on her mind: food. And not the good kind of food, if we're talking from a health perspective. She seems to be insanely selective about what she eats, and prefers a LOT of junk food, and is unapologetically rude about it. It's safe to say that I don't think she plans on shaping up anytime soon. Although, this would definitely irk the likes of Picky.

Picky is the other side of the caring duo that makes her and Bobby. She's been known to make sure her friends aren't selective of their food, and is actually quite healthy herself. She and Bobby care about that immensely, with Bobby caring about your mental health, and Picky caring about your physical health from a food standpoint. And who could blame her? Watching the things you eat determines how fit you'll be. I don't think she'd appreciate Maggie tossing away the veggies, or other healthy foods she gives her.

{And I believe that is it. What do you think? Do you agree with me or not? It's fine if you don't, but I don't think I want to debate this. I've been doing this on discord for too long waiting for them all to come out. So, feel free to discuss your own thoughts with peers. Personally, Kickin and Hoppy's positions could go either way, but the others I'm sure of. Still! Have fun speculating!}

[dunmeshistash]

I can’t find it now, but you had a post about Kabru being high-masking, and you said you didn’t think he was, which is completely fair! I had a different opinion as someone who is high-masking AuDHD and wanted to share (but of course now I can’t find the post 9_9)

Personally, I read Kabru as being high masking autistic, with one critical difference between us: he’s an extrovert. I’m actually more like Milsiril than Kabru - I collect/make dolls, I’d rather be at home than anywhere else, I’ve been called creepy and weird and gloomy for all of those things, but I also learned how to mask relatively early on, so most people don’t ever get to see that side of me. For me it’s a lot of work and energy- most of the time. If I’m around people I like, it’s less so, but people in general take a lot of my energy. Kabru, on the other hand, is very extroverted. He gets a lot of energy from interacting with people, and for the most part his personality and interests are acceptable to the society he lives in. BUT his interest in dissecting people’s motivations and how they communicate and interact and how to move them in the direction he wants them to go, that’s considered overly intense and creepy even by his party. Kabru keeps a lot of his thoughts and honest reactions internal because he’s aware of how people interact and what is or isn’t acceptable. I do the same thing, and I engage in a fair bit of “manipulation” (neutral) as part of my masking - I know that asking people for advice, showing interest in their lives, complaining together about things, etc, will cause them to view me more favorably and I use that to keep myself “safe”, along with basically never talking about my interests. I’m friendly and open and helpful and I almost never fight back against anything, so people “like” me. It’s not all *fake*, but it’s not the whole truth either. I’d rather not engage in conversation at all, because I can’t talk honestly about my interests without being considered creepy- but if Kabru’s special interest is people and how they interact, to some degree he can talk about his interests without it seeming weird.

Anyways, that’s my perspective :D also thank you for being a Milsiril defender, it’s… really painful to see people calling her manipulative and superior. I know a lot of it is bc ppl DO NOT understand anyone who likes dolls as an adult but like….. liking dolls has less than nothing to do with “needing to feel superior” or in control -_-

Hello!! I collect dolls too!!! Proud to be nº1 Milsiril defender.

That's an interesting perspective! As far as I understand (I'm autistic too so I don't have personal experience to how allistic people work) everyone does some amount of masking, as in everyone has a version of themselves they use to interact with others and that "mask" usually falls when you're with people who know and understand you better

As I understand that type of mask is expected in society? Like you wont act at work the same way you do with your college friends (usually). But as some tumblr post said "we are the mask and the wearer" as in those masks are still a part of who they are.

That's why I said I didn't think Kabru was high masking, I hadn't heard that term before so I was confused

Maybe I don't fully get it but keeping some parts of yourself inside and not expressing it to people who wont understand is common among allistic and autistic people but masking is this but in a way more stressful way? Since you aren't just hiding facets of who you are you're making an active effort to hide the whole thing basically.

Kabru's mask seems to come easily to him and it doesn't seem like he makes an conscious effort to go against his nature to hide who he is that's why I said he probably doesn't do high masking in that sense. But in another sense he IS highly adaptable to the people around him and studies how people act so I understand that perspective! It's more of a personal interpretation tbh.

[uboatheflesh]

Here's me recording/performing of empathy shield live on Behind The Mirror, RTR 92.1 FM on the 24th of August 2023. photos by alt.live.perth (Jess).

Set was a little shorter due to the radio time constraints. Also gave a brief interview (the interview on the site was done beforehand over email, theres also a pre-mastered version of empathy on there, I only spoke briefly after the set on radio). Again, empathy shield was completely improvised based on carefully pre-selected sound design elements. Done in the middle of autistic burnout, where I could barely speak on radio due to slowly going into verbal shutdown . Luckily my tour hosts Jess and Amir were absolutely supportive and got me through it.

I went on to play this show a few days in later, also in borloo/perth at the Badlands Bar. It used a lot of the same elements of empathy shield. I have a few feelings about it.

After the end of my set, I had a total verbal shutdown as soon as I got off stage and snuck back into the green room.

Worse, I managed to break the zip on my dress (got caught in the mesh I was wearing) and was stuck in it for 20 minutes before I had to ask a band for a shirt to cover the broken top half. Then several old perth friends I had not talked to in ages came in to talk to me only to find me simply unable to say hi back. I felt terrible about it. Indeed, I was in a terrible state. However - everybody around me there understood. A fellow autistic woman even gave me a fidget spinner. Even if I didn't use it (weirdly too overwhelmed to stim?), I kinda happy cry every time I think about that somebody even offered one to me non-judgementally. Only a few years ago would I have seen as a ridiculous r*tard baby for being a 'professional musician' who does this, but now it's ...its treated kinda like normal. Wish I had this kind of understanding growing up before I was diagnosed. Now, I am never the only ND at the gigs I play. Indeed, the NT's are usually the minority at them. Then theres the fact that so many other (and more well-known) musicians are being open about their autism (like Ethel Cain or Justin Broadrick) which would also be unthinkable years beforehand. It genuinely warms my heart. This is why I am loud, proud and cringe about my neurodivergence now. I don't want to be repeatedly traumatised by it anymore based on misunderstandings that we autists inevitably get, or failing to meet allistic standards. Every time I see a fellow autist get horridly traumatised because somebody (usually NT) got the ick it fucking hurts. Or when they blame themselves for failing to meet arbitrary allistic standards and fall into a horrible depression for not being 'normal'. It hurts even more if its a fellow autistic transfeminine person. I wish I could do more about it, like psychology or social work - but music is what I am stuck doing for the time being, so I'll try to do what I can here. Hence several upcoming songs /records (including the two Roadburn commissioned original compositions) neurodivergence takes a central role. It's lame, but sometimes its good to be lame. Sometimes it's necessary. We have a long way to go, but its also important to remember we have also come a long way too.

/gen

[drdemonprince]

I recently finished reading your book Unlearning Shame, and I absolutely loved it. I found the conceptual framework of Internalized Shame and your techniques for it so very helpful, especially when most ideas of mental health (anxiety and depression, trauma, etc.) have seemed insufficient and useless to me.

However, there was one thing that kind of bugged me the whole way through reading it. Your primary focus was the shame people face as part of marginalization, but often, this too felt insufficient for me. Like, I do face a lot of this flavor of shame: I'm an autistic trans woman, feeling like I'm cringey or childish or creepy or obscene or whatever are things that bug me daily, and restrict a lot of my freedom.

However, a lot of the shame I deal with stems from some kind of awful things I've done in the past, and this is perhaps the loneliest and most difficult kind of shame I deal with. To be fair, I think a lot of this has been very closely linked to my marginalization: people would interpret genuine mistakes of mine as signs I was some awful, manipulative predator, and quickly oust me from their friend groups as a result. If I had been an allistic cis man I would have faced far gentler behavior, or at least far more people would have justified the shit I did.

Regardless, very little in the book dealt with shame tied to guilt and wrongdoing. I remember there was mostly just this one tantalizing line about how even previous members of neonazi groups can benefit from speaking shame, but other than that, I didn't see much.

So my question here is, do you know how to deal with the shame of doing something really bad, and facing the consequences?

Thank you for asking, I'm glad you liked the book!

There are answers for you throughout the book, I think. Arguably, many of the examples of shame I outline involve feeling regret or shame over one's actions. People who do not recycle "enough" and feel profound shame and anxiety about it are people who have done something "wrong," in their minds. So are people who have repeated internalized transphobic/racist/fatphobic/etc messages to other people who share the same identities as them. These people's actions are systemically caused, and they are suffering from those same systemic forces that provoked them to take actions they feel bad about.

You aren't any more morally culpable than any of them, and you aren't qualitatively different from them -- even if you are likely telling yourself that what you did is so much "worse" and so much less justified.

You can find much of the advice that I apply to people who feel ashamed about an experience (a rape survivor, say), apply equally to you as someone who might have done something you view as "wrong." You can also look to the material in chapters 7 and 8 about finding grace and perspective for others who have done wrong to us, and apply much of that yourself. A person must be held in community before they can be held accountable, for example. Understanding the circumstances that contributed to your behavior is important, which it sounds like you've already done some work on, as is contemplating the needs you were attempting to meet with your actions, and the social supports you currently still need in order to move forward.

If someone has taken actions that go against even their own morals and they feel profoundly ashamed about it, I'd say they are generally still in a state of far-reaching systemic shame that goes far deeper and requires far more healing and support than just addressing the morality of their own actions. There's usually a lot of shame about one's identities, deprivation one is facing, fears of abandonment and attachment insecurities, and other major issues going on. Because a person wouldn't just violate their own moral precepts for no good reason.

No one wants to feel that they are a horrible person according to their own personal standards of goodness. A person's actions always make sense within their own context, and so when someone does something "wrong," either they have done something that they do not actually believe to be wrong, but fear societal judgement for, or they have been pushed to the brink by extreme distress, deprivation, abuse, indoctrination, political repression, exclusion, or likely a combination of those things.

I hope this is making sense. If you feel ashamed of something you have done, you need the exact same healing, safe vulnerability, social support, and trust as someone who is ashamed about something over which they have no control. There is no difference, you are no more deserving of that shame, and shame still will not prevent you from changing your behavior for the better. You can believe wholly that your actions in the past were wrong, and uphold your current values in the present, without deserving to feel any more shame about it.

[mrghostrat]

i was hoping to stream this afternoon but i woke with my shoulders hurting so bad that i have absolutely zero capacity for anything. to the point where i experienced my first autistic rumbles in the supermarket 🥸 but i have adhd meds now so maybe we can try tomorrow.

zita's suspected i'm on the spectrum for a little while now, but i've always been on the fence about it. there's a lot i don't relate to. but most of that is bc i have so much learned behaviour, and i mask really well. when i try to break down how i think for autism diagnostic quizzes, my gut reactions DO fit the bill, but they are so so so buried under 30 years of life experience that feels like it comes naturally.

but i am an introvert. an extreme introvert. even while living alone with my best friend, who i get on perfectly with and feel zero need to mask around, i still need to excuse myself and be left alone in my room from 10pm at LEAST.

so i only really unmask when i'm dead alone. even though i dont feel like i'm putting up any kind of front around of zita, i still do, automatically. the only time i see myself completely bare is when i'm alone and it's silent and there is absolutely nothing challenging my comfort.

sooooo hoooooo boy waking up in pain, with zero capacity to even finish a thought, still empty of ADHD medication because of the fuckin manufacturing shortage (thankfully today's trip into town was to finally pick some up! but that wasn't until noon), i got to see a side of myself i don't know if i've ever actually seen before? maybe as a kid but i can't remember specifically that far back?

i've been short tempered and overwhelmed and exposed to sensory nightmares whilst home alone before, but it's usually so quick bc i'm at HOME and i can adjust the situation and i never think much of it. i felt like a bluescreen at that supermarket today, popping in for less than 10 things across 3 aisles.

it was so busy. there were so many people. i felt dread just to walk through it, so aware of my own body and the space i had to inhabit. but par for the course so far. what was less par for the course was having to stop and look at my list every 3 steps, unable to put together a course of action in my head: chicken is on the far left, so we grab that first and get broccoli on our way to the soup aisle. but the broccoli is right there. do i grab that first, go get the chicken, but then double back from where i just came? i might get myself some bananas too, how do i fit that into my path—

i had to keep stopping and looking at my list because every item i thought of made me forget the previous one i just looked at. eventually got fed up with myself and went to the closest thing and started there, regardless of whether i'd have to double back or not. that's what trips me when i take these quizzes n shit. i can get over the hump and do the task in the end, so that must mean i'm totally allistic! no autism here.

i remember thinking "jesus christ this is bad" when i was on my way to get zita's soup (if you've read this far, thank you and kisses to you, pls send some loving vibes to zita by reading her fic i just reblogged, bc she's got a cold and is miserable today) so i was kinda aware i was having a bad sensory day. as expected: there were a lot of people there, and i was in pain. but i just short circuited looking at soup. zita gave me the brand name and soup type of 3 cans she wanted. and i went to the aisle i've been to a thousand times, found the brand, and just stared. it was all stew. all chunky brothy things with bits in. not a single creamy soup in sight, so, the soup must be somewhere else.

i came to that conclusion immediately but i couldn't. process it? or like, what to do with that information. the soup is somewhere else. OR IS IT? keep looking at this shelf to make sure, your eyes are tired, you might've missed it. there's like 20 different cans of campbells here, just keep reading them left to right until soup appears. still no soup? read them again, you might've missed it. maybe campbell's is out of soup? read every other brand here until you Don't see soup, then you can walk away and try somewhere else. but if you don't see any soup, read it again because you might've missed it.

thankfully it took all of 30 fuckin seconds for a store employee who was shelving next to me to see my glazed fuckin stare and ask if i needed a hand with anything. and i stammered through some "haha my silly eyes today!! haha thanks! sorry, thank you!" as she happily pointed like 3 metres down the aisle for me, while my internal monologue immediately raged like "wtf why would they put the soup that far away but also barely far away at all, what's the point, bad design 😡"

got soup. check list: packet of gravy. zita told me the gravy was in the same section as the soup. it was not. i walked up and down that aisle five times and there was no gravy. i just. i had completely forgotten how to problem solve. it was the strangest, most frustrating experience. like i was looking at an empty word document in my brain, with a little flashing cursor and everything, so i knew it hadn't frozen over. it was just empty.

i even had the thought "just walk up and down the aisles until you find gravy; you have to do this all the time" and even had ideas of which aisles to start with. but my brain said no. we're not going to walk around aimlessly, even if we have a neat little structure and path to follow. we were told (by myself, too) this would be a quick in out trip, pluck the known items off the shelf and beeline straight for the checkout. so meandering down aisles was for some reason non negotiable. i wasn't in a rush. i had nothing to do today. i barely even felt a rush to get out of there, as busy as it was. it just wasn't an option.

so rather than start solving that problem i just jumped to the next thing on the list. strepsils. text to ask what kind she wants, have a whine about my broken brain, ask if she knows where the gravy is. remember when i pass the hair brushes that i broke my hairbrush this morning and need a new one!! oh and i've been wanting new hairclips too. look at me picking a new hairbrush and poking through the hairclips for one that i know will feel comfortable against my scalp, i'm not autistic because i can change my plans and make decisions on the fly.

oops didn't mean for this post to be an entire play by play of my thoughts through this extremely bland grocery shop. i cannot believe how long i stood there choosing soup. the line at the self checkout was so long and i felt the dread kick up again. barely/silently whispered "oh god" to myself when i realised the line, but repeated it about 20 times to feel the tap of my tongue against the roof of my mouth before i realised i was doing it. stop that, don't mutter to yourself. but i'm standing still in a line and there's nothing left to (ineffectually) problem solve, so the second i stop i notice a weird little slice in the plastic around the trolley handle that i can't stop flicking my thumbnail against.

OK. we need to stim. heard, chef. just click your piercing ffs. your mouth might look weird when you do it but at least everyone can see you're just clicking your teeth against your piercing, rather than talking to yourself or damaging public property.

something made a noise, can't even remember if it was a child or a trolley or what, some loud sharp single high pitched screech a few metres away, and i jolted so hard i thought i felt like i was going to throw up. finally think, fucking hell i'm autistic today. my back hurts. which is making my head hurt. i want to go home and take my vyvanse.

[bambi-kinos]

This is just speculation, and your own speculation is very interesting too, but I definitely think Paul McCartney is autistic. I come from a family with a lot of different presentations of autism, and he reminds me of my brother like crazy.

To me, a lot of his more successful social skills come from just being very extroverted and a people pleaser, i.e. he got really good at figuring out how to get positive responses from people in most normal social interactions. To me, the biggest tell is how he handles situations where his wants directly conflict with someone else's: He just completely shuts down and acts like he didn't hear them. That's like. 100% in line with the more socially savvy autistic people in my life (including me to some extent lol). I also don't think he's as good at reading people as you seem to think (this is just a difference in interpretation, not trying to say you're wrong!) I just think he knows what generally makes people happy, and sticks with that mostly, often to the detriment of nuance when it comes to people like, say, George.

I am hesitant to commit to Paul being possibly autistic because I am personally allistic. If I tried to essay about that then I would at best say something stupid and at worst say something bigoted. I am dating an autistic NB but that made me aware of how much I don't know about being autistic and being trans so I tend to back off from those topics. I feel relatively confident about Paul because I've had so many friends who autistic in nerd spaces like this one. Paul doesn't remind me of them. I tend to gravitate to autistic people anyway because autistic people don't mind me being blunt so I have more experience than the average person. But ultimately I just can't bring myself to commit to Paul having full blown autism because I'm not qualified to make a judgment like that. I have to commit to what I know. I trample on a lot of people just in my day to day, I don't want to add autistic fans to that list because they go through enough shit irl, I don't want to add to it on this platform. I am not able to make posts saying "autism Paul thinks this way" or "he does this because autism does that." I don't want to make hurtful pronouncements like that.

My interpretation stems from the idea that Paul is heavily self interested. I don't see much of a people pleasing element to him at all or else George wouldn't have made the "pleasantly insincere" comment about him. I think Paul is much more about camouflage and smoothing things over so he, John, and The Beatles (in that order) can have an easier go of things. The newspaper maneuver always reads as a "I'm pointedly ignoring you to make you feel bad about speaking that way to me" to me.

Otoh I'd really love more interpretations of Paul as autistic provided it was autistic fans making them. (I want authenticity not other allistic fans meaning well and getting it wrong like with the Rosie books.) Part of the mismatch here is that the gulf between allistic and autistic people is narrow but deep and communicating across it is hard.

Like in Ghostbusters fandom the character Egon Spengler has been retroactively recognized as autistic because Dan Akyrod got his autism diagnosis as an adult which then influenced the creation of the character Phoebe who is heavily autism coded. That's cool but what's happened in Ghostbusters fandom is that Egon is infantilized quite a bit which runs against his actual character in the original movie. And I have to think that it is because of the gap between allistic and autistic fans that this happens.

Tl;dr anyone can and should believe in autism Paul, my only thing is that it needs to come from an autistic fan because I don't believe in an allistic fan's ability to understand and portray it well, including myself.

[pyrus-salicifolia]

I don’t know, I still have a hard time making friends even with other autistic people.

When I got my diagnosis a while ago, I kinda expected that I’d start talking to autistic people and make a bunch of friends and be effectively “fixed”. Since logically, I thought, I’d be able to communicate perfectly fine with people with the same thought process and struggles as me. We’d really get each other and become best friends.

That didn’t happen and I cried a lot. I can’t be the only one who experienced this, right? I feel like this is how autistic friendships are often portrayed. And sure, I have a few autistic friends who I’ve really bonded with, but it’s equally as difficult as maintaining a relationship with anyone else sometimes.

Like, I don’t see a lot of people talking about how you’re still autistic around other autistic people. You still have communication differences and difficulties around other autistic people. Yes sometimes the communication issues are a byproduct of objectively unreasonable societal rules, but other times you just find it difficult to start a conversation. And when the person you want to be friends with also finds it difficult to start a conversation, you might just end up not talking at all. Not being able to show interest (at least in a way other people can perceive or understand) is another example I can think of.

I’ve thought a lot about this lately as I’ve tried getting to know another autistic person and building a friendship with them. I’ve talked to them about, and the feeling seems to be mutual so this doesn’t come from one-sided attempts. Once we actually get going and have a conversation, I feel so comfortable and able to be myself, and I have so much fun. But we rarely get to that point ‘cause we both find it hard to approach the other. When I feel like I want to talk to them, but can’t make myself, and when they haven’t talked to me in a while, I find myself thinking the same things I think when I want to talk to an allistic person: “why can’t I just be normal?”, “why is it so difficult to start a conversation?”, “how am I supposed to react to this?” and so on. And it’s so frustrating because I have so much to say and I know it’s fun to talk to them.

I don’t know how well I articulated myself there, but I just wanted to express my frustration and hopefully prompt other people to discuss this. I don’t want to feel alone in this.

[noddytheornithopod]

I'm aware of this sudden spike of discourse around The Good Doctor, and while I have never seen the show and I think many Autistic people are right to feel uncomfortable about how it portrays them, the way people are treating it with memes and stuff to criticise it bothers me?

Like I'm seeing even Autistic people instead of engaging in thoughtful critique just share memes and mock the character in it. And like, you can say it's "bad acting" or an "inaccurate portrayal", but I still think there's something uncomfortably ableist in how people are acting?

Like, the way people are acting is like when people act like bullying "weird" people or people who don't have friends is fine, but suddenly you find out they're Autistic and then you find out it's all bad to do that now but only because they have that formal label.

That's what this whole Good Doctor thing reminds me of. Thing is, even if it might not be true to you... I know other Autistic people who watch the show and even relate to the character. It might be problematic or not fully authentic, and you have every right to feel that way, but the thing is, not every Autistic person is the same. Some of us DO respond in ways many of us would write off as stereotypical. Some of us DO act in ways that might make us uncomfortable, and are not what we want to think of ourselves as.

Like, it feels a lot like there's a lot of respectability politics going on, deciding what the "right" way to show us is like, which is ironic given we're trying to fight a lot of stereotypes in the first place, which TGD sounds like it does fall into.

I might even go as far as calling it purity politics, in that we're so concerned with how people see us that anything uncomfortable is making people react poorly and lashing out as a result.

I will reiterate, I have not seen the show. I've heard mixed opinions from the friends I've spoken to, their relationship with it is complex. It doesn't sound like something I'd care for, especially with the neurotypical lens it's created through.

But my ultimate point is... no one of us is the same. We're not a monolith. Even if the show does suck hard, some of us might still relate, and they're not bad people because of it. Deciding who is and isn't a "good" Autistic is gatekeeping bullshit we don't need.

So yeah, you don't have to like The Good Doctor. You can hate it. But the way people are mocking it instead of having serious nuanced, empathetic discussions feels just like one step away from giving Allistics permission to mock us.

You can go "oh it's from us so it's fine!" but people still can internalise bigoted beliefs about themselves. Look at the purity politics in queer communities, for example. To act like your actions have no consequences is pure arrogance.

Also, think of how it looks out of context. I know I just whined about respectability politics but seriously... random person making fun of an Autistic character? Even if you make excuses, it still looks shitty, even if your reasons ARE valid.

I'm not defending this show. I do not have interest in doing so. What I'm concerned is that Autistic people have given in to internet toxicity and the need to appear perfect to the point we're willing to throw anyone who doesn't fit the "good" narrative under the bus.

And lastly, if you see me not uncritically mocking the show in a way that would be identical to a neurotypical bully at work or school and think that makes me your enemy, you're exactly who I'm talking about. Take a breath, step back, shut up, and reflect on yourself. You're really going to give into petty infighting over a show that some people have more complex feelings about than just pure hate when there's groups like "Aspie Supremacists" and the "Autistic Dark Web" out there?

You're not making our lives better by putting people who have diverging opinions about a questionable show on twitter or whatever. If you genuinely want better, more nuanced representation (I do too!), start by not putting each other down in the first place.

[bea-official]

hi hit user bea-official on tumblr.com, what is your relationship with the rest of the league (more specifically each member,,, looks at melony, allister, kabu and nessa)

also hi mod i didnt mention this but THANKK you for lesbian AND 15-year-old bea. everytime i see a straight bea and/or a bea that is an adult an angel loses its wings, because shes like a middle schooler and she likes women methinks! ❤️ AND SORRY IF I WILL ASK THINGS A LOT. i think this blog is really cool and i have autism

Well, Opal and Raihan are the obvious ones, considering our gym is right between the two. Opal visits nearly every day, but that's more to check on Allister than me, and Raihan likes to come down to train in Glimmerwood Tangle. Sometimes we'll battle if he doesn't feel challenged enough; it's a great workout for my Pokémon.

Milo & Kabu visit to use my personal gym, since they're aren't any in Galar that focus on people rather than Pokémon. Milo comes down maybe once or twice a week, but Kabu sticks to twice a month. Since he's the first gym leader, he doesn't get a lot of free time, so I like to visit Milo on my days off.

Melony and Gordie visit once a month. She likes to check up on all the gym leaders, and I think Gordie only comes along because his mother makes him. Sometimes he'll make me give him a tour of the town so Melony doesn't drag him to the other gyms, and we've spent the day together plenty of times. Him and Milo are probably my closest friends within the league.

I definitely don't see her as often as I should, but me and Nessa are good friends; it's a shame her gym's so out of the way, else I would be down more often. The same goes for Piers- I've been to quite a few of his concerts, actually. He's quite good at singing.

And Allister...Although we are not related by blood, he is more like a brother to me than a co worker, as embarrassed as he would be to hear it. I know being a gym leader at such a young age isn't easy, so I do keep an eye on him. I care for him more than I know how to express.

Whilst I haven't been a gym leader for as long as the rest of them, they feel... almost like my family, in a way. Just don't tell them I said any of this please...

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: January 2024

as long as I'm talking about The Gargoyle's Captive, let's discuss what else I've been reading this month.

Maeve Fly (CJ Leede, 2023) - I really liked this slender debut novel, which follows the titular Maeve Fly as she prowls LA like a homicidal alien, playing an unnamed ice princess in a certain theme park by day and indulging her murderous tendencies by night. Maeve is in a downward spiral; she's 27 years old and is preparing to lose her grandmother to illness and her only friend to a blossoming acting career. she sees no future for herself beyond losing the only two people she cares about and has no further goals, contenting herself with alcohol and porn while she rereads the same books, rewatches the same videos, and listens over and over to her playlist of Halloween music. Maeve is, it must be said, an abysmal loser, and I like her terrible melodrama a lot. I do think some of the hype is perhaps overstating the feminist credentials of this book; it sort of reminds me of when a college friend told me their favorite feminist movie was Suicide Squad (2016) because Harley Quinn was in it. Maeve talks a lot of big game about how women are always expected to have some tragedy to be deranged serial killers, while men are allowed to just do it, but it hit me as a little tryhard. there are a lot of books trying to be "the female American Psycho" right now - Eliza Clark's 2020 novel Boy Parts is frequently described as such - but it feels a bit too on the nose when Maeve's ultimate climactic rampage is directly inspired by a glimpse of the American Psycho novel. it's not that deep, but it is a gross, captivating read told from a fascinatingly cracked POV. check out Maeve Fly.

Laziness Does Not Exist (Devon Price, 2021) - yeah Devon Price is still following me (though my days are numbered, I'm sure) so it's a massive relief to say that I did like this book. Price has sort of become my self-help ride or die, mainly because a.) he's so much more self-aware than the average self-help writer that it feels kind of insulting to call him one and b.) he's actually dealing with topics that are relevant or interesting and providing actionable advice. while LDNE didn't engross me quite as hard as Unmasking Autism (while I am, famously, not autistic, I do believe in their beliefs, by which I mean I'm the token allistic among my close friends and I vastly prefer autistic company) it hit me hard in several unexpected pressure points. I'll happily admit that I can't relate to Price's interviewees who willingly work 50+ hours a week for jobs that hate them and are destroying their minds and bodies, but I still struggle to escape the perpetual sensation that a moment at rest is a moment wasted. It probably didn't help that I was reading this book while on vacation at my mother's, where I visited the beach almost daily and was so work-averse that we didn't even bother going grocery shopping because I didn't want to cook. and yet, despite getting dummy chill in some aspects of my life, I am still constantly possessed by a malevolent ghost insisting that I'm wasting my time and have never actually done Enough. maybe Price's next book, Unlearning Shame, will finally fix me; it's out in four days and god knows I'll be getting my hands on it as soon as humanly possible.

Patternmaster (Octavia E. Butler, 1976) - y'all know I love a messy political fantasy, and this is just... god, the absolute messiest. I thought Mind of My Mind was bad, but it turns out Mary's descendants are going to full-on reinvent feudalism with psychic powers, treating non-psychics as chattel and causing technological advancement to regress since they refuse to handle their problems with anything but psychic powers. and it's even got two brothers duking it out for the throne that will give them power over every bitchy psychic on earth! you love to see it. if I can be 100% honest I do think it's straight up bananagrams that this was the first book released in the series even though it's chronologically last; I genuinely cannot imagine caring enough to figure out what the fuck these people were talking about if I didn't have the previous four books for context. and even "context" may be generous; Octavia still has absolutely 0 interest in explaining what's up with the fucking outer space werewolves who are the psychics' #1 enemy. if I could have brunch with any person living or dead I would summon Butler up in a heartbeat to explain what the fuck her thought process was in plotting out this series over some mimosas, and I would take extensive notes on every word she said. an absolute genius and the uncontested queen of freak shit forever.

Thirsty Mermaids (Kat Leyh, 2021) - I purchased this graphic novel in November 2023 at a conference where I bumped into Queer Comics Peddler, my very favorite queer midwestern pop-up. running into them is always a delight, and this time I came with a question: could they give me a recommendation? the very nice people working offered up Thirsty Mermaids, which was the PERFECT companion for a long airplane ride. it's cute without being overly sappy, and avoids the trap of sacrificing a plot for the sake of checking off as many representation boxes as possible. the story is simple: three mermaids use a spell to turn into humans and go ashore in search of booze, only to realize in the morning that they don't know how to turn back. taken in by a generous bartender, they're faced with the reality of having to make money for the first time in their lives. hijinks ensue, but also a very sweet and warmhearted story about the friends looking out for one another as they try to figure out exactly where they belong and what home even means. also the artwork is GORGEOUS, with the mermaids' extremely memorable character designs being a real standout. if you're a graphic novel enthusiast, definitely check this out 🧜‍♀️

Sugar, Baby (Celine Saintclare, 2023) - Sugar, Baby came to me in a very similar way as Thirsty Mermaids: while visiting a witchy little bookstore that I was immediately charmed by, I asked the cashier what they would recommend. they offered up Maeve Fly (fab) and this novel, a stack of which was on the counter advertising an upcoming event with the author. neither have disappointed, so shout out to that one employee with the great taste! Sugar, Baby sees a young cleaner named Agnes, one of the only biracial women in her unnamed English town, befriending the daughter of a wealthy client and getting whisked away to her new friend's London lifestyle: crashing in an apartment with fellow models, staying out all night to party, and making money by going on dates with extravagantly wealthy older men. Agnes starts out having a swell time, but the cracks pretty swiftly start to form as she realizes how much more dependent she is on these men than her wealthy new friends and she begins to wonder exactly how much she's willing to diminish herself to get the bag. it's not a perfect first novel but it is a compelling one, a perfect airplane page-turner that crashes from glitzy to ghoulish and back with breakneck speed.

The Gargoyle's Captive (Katee Robert, 2023) - my full review is over on patreon for my darling supporters who want me dead (and picked this book in the first place, damn them to hell), but suffice to say this is a fun book to read if you like the sensation of your brain melting out of your nose, if you're really turned on by baby's first bdsm, you are not particularly concerned with trifling matters like "plot coherence" or "character motivation" or "writing that is complex and artful," and/or you've ever wanted to have sex with a dude whose penis is so big that you feel genuinely fear. also, hey, I forgot to include this in my patreon write-up so fuck it: Robert REFUSES to tell us what kind of food the protagonists are eating, ever. whenever they have a meal it's just "the food was placed on the table" "I took a bite" etc. drop me a HINT, man, come on! is it a protein? grain? starches? the only thing I know for sure that they're consuming is wine and a single marshmallow, and god does it show. it's just a very weird and distracting omission and it's absolutely not the worst thing about this book but it is a hill I'm willing to die complaining on.

[blipblepbloop]

oh my god so im watching buffy the vampire slayer with my gf (ive seen it before, i frickin LOVE this show but she's never seen it so im making her watch it with me lol) and we got to the episode where buffy's mom dies and there are so many things i want to say about this episode but i wanted to take a second and give a bit of a rant about anya.

the first time i watched this show, i didn't really know anything about autism and wasn't at the point of suspecting i had it yet but watching it back a second time i can see so much of myself, and my autism, in anya's character. she consistently struggles with social queues and socializing in general, which is such a huge part of my autism it makes me feel so seen to have a character who struggles with those things as well but also SO ANGRY about how she's treated because of it. characters who are supposed to be her friends are constantly getting mad at her or making fun of her for saying or doing something "wrong," and yet anytime she tries to ask for clarification or direction as to what she SHOULD be saying that would make them not get mad at her, they get even more mad at her. for not knowing things she is ASKING THEM TO TELL HER. it's not her fault in the slightest she doesnt understand human social norms, but they all act like somehow she's maliciously choosing to say things they deem offensive or innapropriate. when she just genuinely doesn't know. she speaks very plainly a lot of the time, and just says what usually every character is already thinking, yet somehow she's a bad person and the butt of the joke for it. they treat her terribly, and now in this episode where everybody is grieving and she's so lost as to what she's supposed to do or say, it came as zero surprise to me when she started breaking down after being yelled at by willow for asking how she's meant to act and what's going to happen. she is asking so genuinely but the other characters all act as though she's doing something wrong for asking for clarification, yet im sure they'd get just as mad at her if she DIDNT ask and proceeded to say/do something "wrong."

it's such an incredible, albeit probably unintentional portrayal of how autistic people often find themselves when trying to socialize with allistics. it speaks to me so much, but it also infuriates me because of just how relatable it is to me. im so angry for anya and the way she's treated. i find so much comfort in her character honestly, as much as the show sometimes tries to portray her as the bad guy for these autistic traits she shows. i too sometimes feel like i was just plopped down into humanhood one day, and am now being forced to navigate a world of expectations and assumptions that nobody will explain to me, yet will also get mad at me for not already knowing them.

[0zeeraa0]

A little Fnaf Movie rant (don't kill me, I also want this movie to be good)

(this post is pretty big, i understand if you don't have the patience for it)

(if you see any typos: no, you did not.)

Am I the only one who thinks that the fnaf movie isn't gonna live up to the hype...? Like I don't think it's gonna be bad, but I doubt it's gonna be as spectacular as we hope it will be.

One of the reasons that I'm a bit worried is the little girl. Michael's sister. Like in the trailer she's shown wondering around the pizzaria, and than in a TAXI with GOLDEN FREDDY, like????? HUH???? I have a feeling that the movie is gonna make her befriend the animatronics and like prove to Mike and Vanessa that "they just misunderstood🥺" Which like... THEY ARE, but that would be a horrible way to go about that plot line. And I kinda feel like they shouldn't be intelligent enough, or self aware enough to make friends y'know?

Also Vanessa. This one's gonna be shorter. I hope to god they're not gonna have a romantic plot line between her and Michael. One thing I really like about the fnaf games (haven't read the books yet, sorry) that there's absolutely no romance. And I feel like it should stay that way.

Now the "horror". I KNOW that the original games didn't have any gore. And I'm not saying the movie has to have it. I just want it to be SCARY. Or creepy at the very least. The games didn't have gore, but they were still HORROR GAMES, y'know. They're 16+. I remember that the movie makers tweeted something like "we're not gonna hold back on the gore" or "I'm not sure if we can even show this". But... The movie is going to be 13+... So that was a fuckin lie. Because what the hell is a pg13 HORROR movie supposed to be??? Like IT 2017 is rated R, but theres a surprisingly little amount of actual gore. And despite the R rating, sooo many teens and preteens love the move. So who is the Fnaf movie's target audience with it's pg13 rating. The same kids who ONLY played/watched Security Breach? Be so FR.

I feel like (based on the trailers) that the movie is going to take a more comedic approach, wich wouldn't be a problem, but it seems that it's going to be more significant then the horror aspect.

You know how Stranger Things stared out in s1 as a mystery/horror, and by s4 it got derailed into... that. I'm just worried that the same will happen to fnaf... Like it ALMOST happened with SB, but that's a game. It's a lot harder to access, so it still mostly stayed within the fnaf community. Like, 'normal' allistic Jessica (this isn't an actual person, just an example) is a lot less likely to watch a SB gameplay, or more so, play the game. But she might watch the movie because it's popular. And I REALLY don't want Michael to get "Eddie Munson-ified", okay??? I don't want the thing that shaped my entire childhood to get the TikTok treatment.

Sorry this post got really out of hand by the end. I just had to get this out of myself, otherwise I just might explode.

If the movie turns out to be a Masterpiece of fiction, that makes all original fnaf fans weep at how absolutely perfect it is, than y'all can come back here and laugh at me in the comments all you want. I will admit that I was wrong, and I'll do so with pure happiness, for having my expectations subverted in a positive way

And if I'm right.... well.... I will not be happy about it, or proud. I will not say "I told you so". I will keep my mouth shut, and I'll wallow in my misery in silence. Mourning what it could've been.

(theres so much more that i could say about this movie that hasn't even come out yet, but i think this is more than enough)

[ourvanishingghosts]

If you don't mind, can i ask for allister with quiet reader, who is same age as him? Reader happen to get shiny alcremie from milcery, which they give her ribbon sweet since they though of allister from alcremie's color. Reader is thoughful to give their pokemon own decision and give them nicknames, to their pokemon's appreciation

Of course.

The Shiny Alcremie

Allister x Reader

You had been friends with Allister since the day you were born. You supported him in his gym leader career when nobody else did since a lot of people doubted him due to his age. You showed up to all of his battles and even help him train. You want to show him how much you care for and support him.

You spent weeks trying to find and catch a shiny Milcery to give a ribbon sweet. You wanted the Pokémon to match Allister's color scheme in a way. Once you finally had caught the Milcery and evolved it on your way to Allister's gym you realized that she should have a nickname. You stopped walking, set the Pokémon down, got out three pieces of paper, and started writing down nicknames. One sheet said Amethyst, another said Starlight, and the last one said Clover. You set the pieces of paper down in front of the Pokémon and you told it that it could choose from these three names to be its new nickname. After a minute or two she walked over to the paper with Starlight written on it.

You changed her nickname to Starlight, threw out the paper, and headed to your destination. Once you had reached Allister's gym you were suddenly nervous. What if he doesn't like the Pokémon or what if the pokemon doesn't like him? Your thoughts were interrupted by someone calling your name. You look around and noticed that it was Allister.

"What are you doing here, Y/N?"

He asks once he got to you.

"Oh well. I got you something."

"You did? May I see it?"

"Umm. Could we go inside first I feel like people's eyes are staring into my soul?"

"Sure."

He takes you by the hand and leads you inside and to a secluded room.

"What was it that you wanted to give me?"

You hold a Luxury Ball and the Shiny Alcremie appeared in front of him. He was taken aback since he knows it is difficult to catch a shiny and due to the fact that you gave him one.

"Her name is Starlight. She chose it herself. I got her for you to show you how much I care for and support you, Allister."

He took the Luxury Ball from your hand and then picked up the Alcremie.

"She's beautiful. Thank you, Y/N. You are the best friend that I could ask for."

He lets the Alcremie return to the ball and then hugs you. You knew that you and Allister were going to be supporting each other for years to come.

[ballonleaparadise]

Some Autism Headcanons for Orla

Disclaimer before I start- This is just fun speculation based on my experiences with having autism myself, and my hyperfixation on Orliede is never ending 🥴 Orla is such an interesting character and has given me neurodiverse vibes from the start of Horizons. I also want to affirm that when I say things like 'many' or 'most' autistic people, I am not referring to the entire autistic population, bcs everyone is different!

. Orla seems to have trouble regulating her emotions- there are many instances when we see her lose her temper or snap at the other rvt members. In episode 21, her emotions are so strong that they scare away Liko's Hatenna. This could be interpreted as simply being irritable, but experiencing intense feelings/emotions is a common trait of autism.

. Linking to my previous point, while Orla experiences such intense emotions, she seems to have difficulty in identifying them. In episode 39, there's a silly moment when Orla loses her temper, where she says "I promise I won't be angry", to which Friede points out that she is "Already angry." Alexithymia, or difficulty in identifying feelings and emotions is a lot more common in autistic people than in allistic people. Of course, this might have just been done for comedic effect- but with what we already know about Orla's moods, it kinda makes sense.

. She masks- Many autistic people, especially women with the condition, mask their traits in order to appear neurotypical. In formal situations- such as in ep. 3 when introducing herself to Liko, Orla is a calm and collected individual. Her outgoing personality also means that she is very welcoming towards new rvt members. At the start of the show, I had her down as a level-headed type ngl -which is only half true when you consider her temper.

. Arguably, Orla's struggles and anxieties come to light when she is under stress. One of the main traits of autism is difficulty in social interaction/reading social cues. Firstly, Orla sometimes misjudges the intentions of others. An instance of this is in ep. 39 when she accuses Murdock and Mollie of nicking her newly brought iron when it goes missing. Secondly, she can make blunt and overly honest remarks that do not reciprocate the emotions of the people around her. (Dot also has this trait but that's for another discussion...) An example of this is again in episode 39 when Orla complains about having to do even more repairs because of Tinatink, while everyone else is just celebrating Dot's capture. Back in episode 21, Mollie herself jokingly calls Orla "tactless."

. However, it is clear that this is not how Orla intends to come accross: She is very caring towards her friends as shown in episode 29, when she tries to protect Liko and Roy against the Galarian Weezing. In addition, she always goes the extra mile to help others with repairs on the ship, even when the workload is huge. Alongside this, she cares deeply for Friede- she built the Brave Asagi just for him, with the help of Metang (and she's a perfect match for Friede don't get me started 😤). Contrary to popular belief, autistic people can feel deep empathy and compassion towards others, to the point where it is overwhelming. However, a common difficulty is expressing and showing these feelings.

. For many autistic people, interests are a lot more intense than that of neurotypical people. As a mechanic and the engineer of the Brave Asagi, Orla is well known as a 'machine enthusiast'. In episode 22, she literally fangirls over a pair of gears which she has obtained from Motostoke. I know everything in the anime is over-exagerrated but this is kinda funny and quirky. On top of this, in episode 29, Orla suggests that machines have feelings just like people, and all they need is a "bit of love." The amount of affection that she has towards her interest is definitely atypical... to me anyways.

. Linking to this, Orla is shown to be a very pedantic person when dealing with repairs. This is shown again in episode 29 when she is particular about the way in which craftsman Khana takes care or her machinery. Being pedantic is a less-known autistic trait, (as we like everything to be done properly dfjshdd).

Lastly, you can NOT tell me that the Brave Asagi is not a neurodiverse invention, I mean look at it... Jokes aside, I think that's everything I wanted to muse about lmao. Thank you for so much reading this exhaustive post! Again, this is just speculation but Orla is so autistic-coded to me 🥰

[plaquerat]

Hiii I have been seeing your strong Cumulus posts and I have been eating them UP and I also saw the post that may or may not be vagueing your post (the one that's like let fat people be fat or whatever) and on my life I really think that there's no winning with writing about fat characters!! So we shall just continue to have fun and do what we please!! Also I am so sorry for how kind of out of hand this is gonna get but I think ur really neat and I don't like to see you feel bad and I have a lot of feelings so pls just ignore if this is overwhelming 🙏

But anyway, no winning when talking about fat characters... Like with strength:

If fat Cumulus is strong, people will say let her be weak! She doesn't have to be strong to 'apologize' for being fat! But also if you write Cumulus as weak, then people can go the other way and be like ugh fat people can be strong too! In fact many are! This is such a fatphobic take!

And im here with the extremely loud incorrect buzzer for everyone! Lmao everyone relax!! We are here to be fun and silly and!!! Perhaps!!! Even horny!!!!!! I think quite a few people are too eager to read posts in bad faith because of the weird little morality police officer in their head that won't let them just scroll past something they don't like? Also idk how to even say this how I mean but like the energy of wanting to defend people against fatphobia (or ableism or homophobia or you name it) is GREAT but also if there's no discretion with what's made from love and what's made from hate (internalized or blatant or whatever) and you just go after any little thing then there will be NO writing or drawing or art in general of fat characters and idk how to express that that is literally infinitely worse to me?? Like pls don't bully people into silence even if that's not what you think you're doing my loves it really can turn into people just giving up and doing nothing at all! A direct and kind conversation about what is bothering you is waaaaay more effective and may reveal that in fact you agree about many things!!

BUT what's so wonderful is that there are sooooo many nice and lovely people and what else is wonderful is that I am deeply in love with Cumulus and every iteration people want to share oh my LORD I am a winner no matter what!! Strong Cumulus my beloved weak Cumulus my beloved mom friend Cumulus my beloved mean Cumulus my beloved weird Cumulus my beloved I can't lose!!! I'm here to have fun and I keep that front of mind and it's so good for me! And if I don't like something?? That's just not for me, actually! I shall scroll along!

Anyway a lot of people must learn to relax and have fun and stop making problems where there aren't any! You also don't have to have the excuse that you're a lesbian and you love women and you want strong Cumulus to carry you it's literally fine to just write whatever you want about a character you love this is all fiction and fun and we are here to share our love! Uuugh I'm gonna stop now before I get weird and sentimental but anyway don't let anyone get you down too bad the important thing is to have fun and adore Cumulus!!!!!! And be nice to each other!!!!!

Truly. Truly, truly. I'll complain about things but ultimately they don't affect me. I think if anything it's really great people have so many different takes. We're playing toys. I was just so ?????? when I saw that post that feels like a vague like hdbghjs i very much make my posts with myself in mind first. "Apologizing" for being fat by being strong is such an insane like. thing because I'm very much. I mean I've said it plenty. I'm like exclusively attracted to fat people. I should be allowed to make this beautiful fat woman strong.

I do think there are explicitly harmful headcanons ie a lot of infantilization allistic people can have toward autistic characters but most headcanons like. Aren't meant to do harm. Most of the time it comes deeply from love for a character. I'll side-eye stuff like mom friend Cumulus but like that's really the furthest huh. Not gonna let it ruin my day. I know I can come across as kinda mean but I'm just blunt with my words and if I'm on my own blog I'm gonna rattle off thoughts since you know. Basically infinite journal. and it helps knowing I'm not alone in opinions I have but good lord we all (me included) should calm down more.

I think fandom culture's shift to being like. Ahhh I don't know what to call it. Like character takes Define You as a person and people Need To Be Right. And it sucks because with Ghost the lore is. Not super duper deep or rigid and with ghouls specifically there's literally nothing. Everything people do with them is made up. it's like- it's like when you play Pokemon. My team isn't going to be the same as your team and you use what you like and some people get way to into it.

It's been said to death but let's all try to be nicer to each other. Life is scary. It's not worth it to fight over things that don't matter when you can be putting joy and love out into the world. Let's not forget how Papa himself tells us how to treat each other, huh?