#and i am too conflicted with myself to do anything that might change that.

[dollishhorrors]

idk i said i wanted to get away from my parents as soon as i turned 18 and now i'm 21 and i still feel that way but now it's like. worse. in every way possible. lol

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent game related things .. hrmm...

[drdemonprince]

perhaps i'm being very autistic about this, but trying to figure out where i can contribute my time and energy is so hard because there's so many actually important issues. actually important ones. spreading yourself thin isn't helpful, but even if you tune out the roar of people demanding that you care about every last thing, the tug on my heart is still strong. probably another lie capitalism has pounded deep into our minds, that we have to do it *all* even. even knowing that many of these issues are inter-related, and doing the things you *can* is what's important and contribute to unraveling the greater fabric of bad shit. how on earth do you find that spot though? where you don't go mad going in mental circles about what you're *not* doing? idk i can't be alone in this?

I have an instagram post about this with regard to donating to Gazan fundraisers that you can read here.

Here's my take: when we get swept up in not being able to "do it all" or freeze up with complete inability to choose any cause to work toward because we can't decide which one is the most worthy, we are operating out of a highly individualistic framework that positions the self as the agent of change.

It might not feel like it is a self-centered perspective, but it's exactly the kind of isolated, self-as-savior, systems-ignoring outlook that a culture of capitalism and rampant Christian moral Puritanism conditions us to adopt (even if you're not Christian). I have a whole book about this btw.

I have felt overwhelmed with my inability to "help everyone" or address every cause before, and frankly the solution was to get over myself and realize that I have a very limited ability to make a difference and that simply doing my part is my only duty, not doing it "all". I have to trust that I am but one small, relatively insignificant human and that I am surrounded by literally millions of other humans who care and will pick up their small part of the work as well.

it doesn't matter that i select the absolute optimal ideal cause or place into which to put my energy, because frankly i am not important. i just need to show up and pick up some work. there will be plenty of work left for the next person to pick up.

It was absurd main character energy to expect myself to do everything or to be able to "save" people. And yet that was exactly the kind of moral burden I was putting on myself for a very long time. And it led to overcommitment followed by burnout, spreading myself thin, and most crucially failing to make any my efforts part of the work of an enduring, tightly knit COMMUNITY.

A focus on individual effort makes us neurotic, alienated, self-focused, lonely, confused, conflicted, and forever putting our energies into initiatives of limited value with limited potential for payoff. instead, choosing one little lane to do our own bit of work in -- literally ANY lane, so long as it is accessible and motivating to us and plays to our strengths -- will mean that we are actually making a difference consistently and connecting to others who are taking part in the work too.

we must do this work not to morally purify ourselves, which is not possible, but because we see something worth doing and we decide to get up and do it. the arena in which you choose to make a difference can be literally anything from donating to people's gofundmes to sharing other people's fundraisers to feeding your neighbors to blowing up a pipeline. it literally does not matter which particular choice you, specifically, make, only that you do something and keep at it at the pace that is sustainable for you. and trust that literally millions of other people are all around you doing their tiny tiny part too.

[max1461]

I think something that many people of the high-modern bent (leftists, rationalists, etc.) tend to forget when they talk about society is this: many people (I would conjecture, most people) are not hedonists, either in philosophy or practice. There exist many things which people value inherently, above and beyond the capacity of those things to produce pleasure.

One ready-to-mind example is morality: people will often sacrifice their happiness significantly to do what they believe is right. If they happen to have a hedonist ethics, then we might say that they're still trying to maximize net pleasure overall, but if they don't have a hedonist ethics this is certainly not the case. They might, for instance, have a virtue ethics or a deontological ethics, and make great sacrifices to their own happiness in order to behave in a way they believe is just.

The above example is, I think, a special case of a broader class of example, whereby people make sacrifices to their own happiness in order to embody their ideal self. If your ideal self is very skilled at something, you may forgo a great deal of pleasure in pursuit of that skill. Think if Olympic athletes, who I frankly doubt tend to recoup the total lost pleasure of all the strict dieting and regimented lifestyle and so on via the pleasure they get from training and competing. Think of anyone who makes great personal sacrifices for achievement. Or think of the tortured artist, the virtual archetype of a person who cares more about the quality of their work than their own wellbeing. But cases need not be so extreme: I can think of many people who I would consider normal, healthy, happy individuals, who just happen to be a little competitive, and who I suspect are not pleasure-maximizing by spending so much time practicing at their skill of choice. Am I meant to tell them they are wrong for doing this?

There is a tendency in contemporary society to pathologize this way of interacting with the world, even among people who don't conceptualize themselves as hedonists, but I reject the idea that it is something to be avoided. I myself value my own pleasure, of course, and other people's pleasure too. But I also value things above and beyond the degree to which they give me pleasure: I value knowledge, I value success at my endeavors, I value aesthetics, I value the wellbeing of my friends and loved ones. All of these things I would gladly sacrifice some amount of net pleasure to advance. It is furthermore the case that I have been happiest in life, experienced the most pleasurable existence, when I have felt that I was successfully advancing these goals. It is possibly the case that I could experience more net pleasure by abandoning these goals and totally changing who I am (through, perhaps we can imagine, some sort of brainwashing), but I would of course be vehemently opposed to this. And so it is notable that maximizing satisfaction of my non-hedonic goals is also the state which achieves the local maximum of pleasure. Anything greater would involve greater changes to my psyche—wireheading, in short. I think this too is true of many people.

Anyway, I'm not a utilitarian (for mostly nitpicky philosophical reasons), but to a first approximation I am a preference utilitarian. To me, acting justly towards someone means working to make it that their preferences are satisfied in addition to your own, in some sort of appropriate balance where the two conflict. This is not, to a first approximation, hedonic utilitarianism, which differs obviously in how it handles wireheading but which I think also disagrees in more nearterm ways, like (perhaps) "whether we should pathologize highly competitive people" and so on.

Anyway, if you are a local high-modernist dreamer (affectionate) (self-recognizing), and you find me on your post grumbling about something, I think there's about an 80% chance that something amounts to "not preference utilitarian enough!". Or whatever.

[is-the-fire-real]

'Reminder that "punch a nazi uwu" leftists utilize Nazi rhetoric to justify punching Jews.

It was never about punching Nazis; it was about getting social permission to punch.'

It was this very mentality that drove me away from considering myself a liberal anymore (I AM VERY MUCH LEFT LEANING, I DIDN'T DECIDE TO BECOME CONSERVATIVE JUST TO BE CLEAR. I just don't feel like those spaces have any intrinsic safety any longer). It feels like so much of western leftism has become about "punching up". I don't think it's about compassion or concern anymore, it's about finding the "right" targets. And so often that was just used as a way to excuse bigotry. I'm a goy but I noticed this on a personal level plenty with people identifying as feminists, they'd be perfectly okay saying something unquestionably sexist, as long as "white women" was attached onto the front. It's very much the same with shaming people over physical features that others may have, as long as the individual person is "bad enough" it doesn't matter if wide foreheads or big noses or acne are features many people have and would feel hurt by seeing them used as an insult, because they're only "really" directing it at "one of the bad ones"

So, I'm going to link to this piece again because it's been embarrassingly useful, and explains why I say things like "pretending to believe" despite their clunkiness. For new material, I hope you don't mind that you have accidentally triggered a massive unskippable cutscene, but you tapped into a few things I have been pondering and I'd like to take advantage of your observances to add my own.

Part of what you're discussing here, which I agree with, is that toxic slacktivists pretend to believe that they are Good People Doing Good Work. They are Bad People and their work is Bad Work, but if they all get in a group and pretend together that it's Good, then that's almost the same as being Good, right?

Another worthwhile aspect of what you're discussing is something I became aware of in the aftermath of the collapse of Occupy Wall Street. One commenter on a liberal blog I still follow lamented that mass protest never seems to accomplish anything, and how the millions of people who turned out for OWS protests should have affected more political change. Considering most of them could also vote, write to representatives, etc., something other than littering and arrests could've been done.

Another commenter pointed out that he had personally been at most of the anti-Iraq War protests, including the largest worldwide protest on 15 February 2003 (6-10 million estimated participants). But most of those protesters did not agree with each other. There were at least four major coalitions of antiwar protesters showing up then and thereafter. The ones he listed were:

"Just war" advocates who believed the Iraq War was unjust.

Total pacifists who believed all armed conflicts are unjust, and therefore the Iraq War is as well.

Right-wing bigots who believed a war might potentially benefit those they thought of as religiously or ethnically inferior and subhuman.

Xenophobes, both left- and right-wing, who believed "the US can't be the police of the world" and that any action taken outside USian borders was immoral.

Imagine four people with these beliefs in a room talking about the Iraq War... then bring up the war in Ukraine to them and see how fast the coalition falls apart.

"Well, the war for Ukrainian liberation is a just war," says the just-war advocate. The pacifist starts to scream "HOW COULD YOU DEFEND ANY ACTION THAT MIGHT LEAD TO CHILDREN DYING, YOU MONSTER!". The right-wing bigot says they support the war, too--on the side of the ethnically and religiously superior Russians. And then a left-wing xenophobe says we're wasting money that should be supporting American workers and uplifting Americans out of poverty instead of buying new bombs for Ukraine.

And your "antiwar" coalition collapses, with the pacifist wandering off to agree with the xenophobe while the just-war liberal and the right-wing bigot scream at each other pointlessly and without resolution.

This is one of the wisest breakdowns of human behavior I have ever discovered:

Any coalition of people is made up of many sub-coalitions who only temporarily agree on a single aspect of a single issue. Making sure the group does not collapse prematurely is the true, unsung labor of movement maintenance.

To be real, it's much easier to let one's coalition collapse and scream about how The Menz, or The CIA, or Greedy Capitalists, or The Jews artificially forced your group's collapse than it is to admit that one might just suck a big one at coalition building. This is especially true among leftists, who are sometimes anti-hierarchy and frequently fall for populist, anti-expert nonsense. Having a leader means you're suggesting someone should have authority, and a lot of leftists are allergic to that suggestion.

Moreover, though, a lot of "leftists" are "leftists" but only agree with one or two aspects of leftism.

To use your feminism example: I have absolutely seen feminists who think they can be misogynists so long as they say "white" before they say "woman". I mean, who can even argue? I have also seen feminists who think they can be gender bioessentialists so long as they're doing it towards "men" (a category which includes a lot of people who neither look like men, nor live as men, nor benefit from male privilege). I have seen feminists who think they can call themselves "trans allies" while consistently ignoring, degrading, and dismissing the concerns of anyone who isn't a binary trans woman. Etc.

The thing is, they are all feminists. What makes someone a feminist, at bottom, is the acceptance of and opposition to patriarchy. That's it. It's similar to how what makes a person a Protestant Christian is the acceptance of Jesus as their Lord and Savior--you might need to do one or two things to be considered a part of a specific branch of Christianity, but all you need is that one specific belief about that one specific idea. There's a lot of bunk about how "you can't be a REAL Christian unless you do X" just like there's bunk about how "you can't be a REAL feminist unless you do Y", and it's all bunk.

There are people who might be really bad feminists or Christians, but that's not the same as not being feminists or Christians.

So, the coalition of leftism has several sub-coalitions who actually despise each other. Here is my proposal for the sub-coalitions. (Please keep in mind that I am not defining groups by how they define themselves, but by the far more useful metric of their actions.)

Liberals who agree with leftist economic thought, but strongly disagree with leftist conclusions regarding violent revolution. Liberals do not have time for online arguments and superficial action. They are generally participating in protests, running for office, writing postcards to advocate for candidates, informing voters, and working within the system for positive change that alleviates suffering. They are pro-expert but opposed to a vanguard party due to its inherent authoritarianism.

Tankies, whose primary interest in leftism is authoritarian. They oppose capitalism and support violent revolution because they imagine themselves as the vanguard party who gets to control everything when the revolution comes.

Anarchists, whose primary interest is opposing hierarchy. They want to burn down the system because it is a system, and frequently become angry and defensive if you try to ask them any questions about what would be built out of the ashes.

Progressives, whose primary interest is opposing liberals. They also oppose capitalism; they are, like tankies, positioning themselves as the vanguard party because they are already in political power. What makes them Not Tankies is that they care more about sticking it to "the Dems" than they do about actually being the vanguard, opposing capitalism, or achieving anything of worth or meaning politically.

"Red fash", who used to be called "beefsteak Nazis". They say all the right things regarding violent revolution and economics/capitalism, but they only believe what they believe for the sake of their specific ethnic group and nation (frequently, white and USian, but this is extremely popular in Europe too). IOW a red fash wants the vanguard party to only have whites of a specific ethnicity in control of the revolution; they only want universal health care for "their" people, that sort of thing. Some red fash are actual Nazis cosplaying as leftists, but some are just really, really, REALLY bigoted leftists.

Whether we like it or note, the acceptance of armed, violent revolution as a Good Thing means that leftism has always regarded punching up and violence as a necessary component of leftist thought. This is not a perversion of Real Leftism. This is leftism. If you think revolution is good and necessary instead of a terrifying possibility, then you also think punching up is okay; it's just a matter of who is Up and who gets to punch.

Of the five sub-coalitions I described, only one has rejected violent revolution--and it's the one all the other leftists accuse of being right-wing. And interestingly enough, only liberals are habitually accused of secretly colluding with the right... when red fash are natural allies to the right, and when all other forms of leftists openly ally with right-wingers so long as they say the right things about economics. (See under: "After Hitler, us" leftists, left-wing Trumpistas who think they'll rule the ashes after Trump burns down the current system.)

And if you believe in violent revolution, then (let me be facetious for a second) what's the problem with making fun of your political enemies for being ugly? If we believe Steve Bannon is a Nazi, aren't we obligated to stop him by any means necessary, and doesn't that include mocking him for his alcoholism? Isn't mocking someone for their appearance and intrinsic characteristics mild compared to, say, threatening them with exploding cars covered with hammers? Or retweeting pictures of pitchforks and guillotines?

If we believe Ben Shapiro is an opponent to the revolution we accept is necessary and vital to the movement, then what's a little antisemitism in the name of the people? Don't we have to be bigots to oppose bigots? And--

--oh. There's that horseshoe bending round to the right again.

[rosyfingered-moon]

2023 drama roundup

Unchained Love: I still hum the unhinged flute intro on a regular basis, easily my fave intro of 2023! I didn't actually finish the show due to dwindling interest, but for the first 14 episodes or so I took a keen pleasure in it (and it made me go on a eunuch webnovel spree, expertly curated by @mercipourleslivres). I love it when heroines are allowed to be truly funny, rather than just quirky or ditzy. Also appreciate the goofy Lamp Prince turning into a brutal incel tyrant the moment he got power.

Six Flying Dragons: I don't think I can write anything succinct enough for the roundup format so I direct you to my "my sfd tag" if you want to access my enthused livetweeting. Show of all times, lives were changed.

Tree with Deep Roots: I literally can't think of a better topic for a tv show than Sejong the Great constructing hangul together with his band of nerds, one of whom he has a weirdly intense, vaguely erotic relationship with. Han Suk-kyu carried this entire show on his trembling shoulders. What an actor! What range!!! It was such a treat to watch him smugly debate his ministers, roleplay a farmer, and hiss half-mad soliloquies to himself in the dark. It took nuance and depth to portray the kind of inner conflicts and generational trauma that Sejong battles in the background of this drama. To be honest I didn't always enjoy the Milbon subplot which I felt got repetitive, and often found myself wanting to fast-forward the wuxia scenes. In a better world the show would have centered the whip-smart palace maids and their alphabet workshops. But I will definitely rewatch this soon. And maybe also write a fix-it where Sejong and Soo-yi fuck idk.

Quartet: Cute little murder mystery about a found family of freaks, liked it a lot.

My Country: The New Age: As entertaining as ever. Very fun to rewatch this back to back with Tree with Deep Roots, since Jang Hyuk plays diametrically opposite characters with the same vigor and commitment.

Gone with the Rain: Sometimes you watch something which you understand is technically a masterpiece but it doesn't do anything for you, and sometimes you watch a piece of campy silly fun and it makes you tingle with joy. This was the latter category for me. I liked the first and middle parts enough to make up for the lukewarm fizzle of an ending.

The Autumn Ballad: Has some fucked up elements that are difficult to stomach, but the parts that are good are really good.

Not Others: Bingeable! But imo they could have cut out the stalker/murder cases and just focused on the excellent family drama.

The Matchmakers: This surprisingly swooped in towards the end of the year as my favorite comedy of 2023, all thanks to a rec by @haraxvati. I adore Cho Yi-hyun in this role!!! She is so hot as a shrewd matchmaker with a fake mole and a twinkle in her eye. Love the virgin prince with his yearning-induced panic attacks (Rowoon didn't work for me in The King's Affection in a quite similar role, but he's so much weirder and lamer here, which is something I like in a man). I am obsessed with the side plot of the crossdressing romance novelist and the solemn police officer who is trying to capture her and ends up giving her free home renovations and smouldering looks instead. Also, Park Ji-Young and Lee Hae-Young are two of my favorite villain actors on their own, and here they are married!! Still have a few episodes to go, but I intend to binge them as soon as I post this.

Dramas I dropped or paused:

Our Blossoming Youth: I shipped the heroine and her cute maidservant a little too much to bear the dull prince they stuck her with. But I might rewatch it some day bc I want to write a Sherlock Holmes fic for the girls.

Little Women: A real disappointment, because I love Louisa May Alcott and I love Jeong Seo-kyeong. Once again, letting the women kiss might have solved much of it.

Island: Casting Kim Nam-gil as an expressionless cool-guy action hero offends me personally. (Yes Song of the Bandits I'm giving you the stinky eye also.) But Lee Da-hee and Cha Eun-woo were delightful!

See you in my 19th life: I couldn't, even for my most darling Shin Hye-sun, go beyond episode 1. There's something about a kid dating another kid even though she's a literal adult inside her brain that I can't really vibe with.

My Dearest: I do intend to finish this, but I lost the thread after the first half. It got a little too dark for me I think.

[blommp717]

Hi! I am new to Christ and learning how to build a relationship with Him. I was and still am a believer in the law of assumption, but I am conflicted about whether I am allowed to manifest things. I understand it depends on the situation, such as whether I am manifesting good or bad things.

I think it could be from the misperception people have about manifesting that cause people to denounce it, but I also don’t want to get in the way of what God has in store for me yk? or even I don’t want to feel like i’m taking things into my own hands. Maybe in place it could be instead of trusting in myself that I have those ‘desires’, I can trust in God.

It’s very conflicting for me because I understand ND too, so maybe it’s all the ‘concepts’ and stuff i learned along the way that’s holding me up.

Hello! And welcome 🪷🫶.

So because I explain nondualism, and how there’s no separation between the things we like or “desire”, i can’t speak on what you should do moving forward, I can however give you my perspective and you can chose to follow through or drop it and follow your path.

Nonduality isn’t a practice or method or technique, you don’t really manifest anything, but it appears like you are, being everything, completely one, and whole, means there’s nothing you can achieve or get, only be. There are many quotes in the Bible that entail the same ideas that I’ve seen nondualism speak on, so you might find it quite nice. If you want me to solely speak on what I know to be true, god, Christ, anything you want to name it, all boils down to “ “ a nameless, formless, unseeable beingness, you can’t find it because it’s what you are, but it’s also what everything is. It’s not that the world appears because of awarness, but awarness appears as those things (desires, people, etc)

Christ, and god are no different, it is all “god” or “Christ”, truly it can go by any name but it never changes what is. Here’s a quote I think that would help you.

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Logos, and the Logos was with God, and the Logos WAS God.

“I AM that I AM”

Quite on point if you ask me. The logos was god, logos meaning word, meaning the speech, along those lines. It wasn’t just with god, it was god, and was also this “I Am” the original name of god. I Am. If “I Am” is god then I think you can see where this is headed. All that’s claimed to be, is god, all that’s stated “as is” is god. Whatever you say or claim to be is what is god. There is no separation between you and god. We may use different words but mean the same thing. I say Awarness you say god. I’m going to speak more in a way that disconnects from religion now.

People might see it (especially religious people) as a sin or blasphemy to claim that you are god, but then what are you? If the claim that god is all and there is only god, (the creator of all things that are) then how do you differentiate from it? How can you be separate from what everything is. God isn’t just in you, it is what you and everything appears as. The I Am appears as what is claimed, in this case, world, people, experience, emotion, riches, love. I see no point In trying to run from what you are (what everything is). Saying there is only god and god is what everyone is, doesn’t matter, it’s the same thing. If there’s only god, it’s all god (including you). Hope this helped a little, ask more if you need more clarity!

[ophernelia]

! LONG READ

I heard you want to make a machinima. I think I could help with that. Welcome to the first session of machinima bootcamp!

Alright, stop booing me. I know I kept you waiting for months. It took time and I had so much more learning to do myself! I am by no means an expert, but I think I could offer some helpful advice. This is just how I do things so feel free to use what resonates. “Where do I start? It’s as easy as opening the game up and recording, right?” That’s one way to do it for sure. The way I do it requires a lot more planning. Blame it on me being a Capricorn lol. A LOT of work goes into making Lykaia. Episodes usually take me a week or two to make. From writing the script, to filming and editing, it takes hours upon hours to produce. I love doing it. It's like a passion project, so the hours of free time I pour into it are really healing. Whatever you create, make sure it’s something you really do love. Here’s how I made Lykaia and how I intend to make other series going forward. 

*Lykaia specific info is annotated.

One thing you have to have before anything else is a story. One that you are genuinely interested in and enjoy telling. It’d be best to refrain from doing whatever gets views or whatever you think the community might enjoy. In order to stay consistent, you have to enjoy what you’re making. You have to know what story you want to tell. You don’t have to have everything planned out from start to finish, but get a good idea of what you want to explore first. The first season of Lykaia was just for me to try out machinima making. I didn’t have much direction with the story. Lykaia is just the cinematic version of my gameplay save. Lou and Imogen were my current household, so I figured I’d tell their story. It can be something as simple as that. A favorite household you love playing. A favorite story trope you’re into. Whatever inspires you. Try not to focus on how the masses will react to it. There’s an audience for everything. The viewership will come. Don’t let that discourage you or be your main focus. Enjoy the process of creating. Create for creation’s sake, not for praise or viewership. 

What makes a good story? I’m not sure. Sorry! I still wonder if Lykaia’s story is good. Though, even if it isn't, I just like telling it! Having interesting or complex characters is a good tip though. I quite like the idea of there being very few or no true villain in a story. Complex lives, complex people. It’s good to get an idea of who your characters are. What do they like? What do they dislike? How do they behave around people they’re close with? What was their childhood like? How do they speak? What do they look like? Where are they from? How do they handle conflict? How do they handle romance? There’s a bunch of questions you can ask to work on building out your characters. Once you’ve got a good idea of who your characters are at this starting point, you can build outside of their world. Make their friends, make their family. Figure out where they’re from geographically. How does their environment impact their life? What’s the place they live in like? Do they like living there? Where is it? What’s the climate? Are you using in-game world names, making up your own, or using real life places? How does all of that impact the story line? Are they a small town person or a city person? Go in depth thinking about all these questions. I’ll include a list of these questions for you to answer. You don’t have to share these with me! It’s simply for you to plan things out on your own. Again, you don’t have to have everything planned out. Nothing has to be permanent. Watching characters grow and their environment change is entertaining. Just know where you want to start at least. Playing the game can help give you some inspo too! The sims have a habit of being pretty messy on their own. Once you figure out what story you want to tell, you’re ready to move forward. 

*Like I mentioned previously, Lykaia is essentially the cinematic version of my gameplay save. The stories I told myself when playing their household, I am now telling to you. However, over the course of making the show for the last few months it’s really grown and developed. With the addition of characters like Savannah and Owen, to developing a thoughtful storyline for Rory, all of that has come as I’ve worked on the show. I’ve always had a thing for storytelling growing up. Won young authors competitions all throughout my schooling, but never did much with it in adulthood until now. When I say I take the time out to really develop the cast, I do. Lykaia takes place in several worlds. I even develop those out too. I think about the culture there. How close they are to other worlds. All of that really helps build a deep lore for your series that your audience and yourself will enjoy. 

As for making the cast, I won’t go in depth about actually making your characters in CAS. That process is pretty straight-forward and solely up to you. Make your cast look however you want them to. Use cc, make the cast with vanilla TS4, it’s up to you. I can’t offer much advice about that. It’s a pretty personal process. (Personal as in, you do what you wanna do lol. Not in a ‘I don’t wanna share my process’ type of way.) 

The next step after that is world building. This part should be a lot more simple if you’ve planned out your story. I mean literally world building. If you want a really unique looking series, it’s time to start building babe. Build your own lots, edit the worlds, do it all. I mean really go in! You can use inspo from Pinterest to help. I do that often. Check out the world building inspo for Lykaia here. On occasion I’ll use a build made by the community, but for the most part I make my own. It makes you feel like you’re actually immersed in the world of Lykaia. It’s a different San Sequoia, a different Copperdale, etc. It’s important to make your worlds your own. Get an idea of street layouts and everything. Try to envision the world your characters live in. “But there’s only so much you can do with TS4!” I actually disagree (Well, since discovering these mods.) and there’s a few mods that really help drive that home. These are the most pivotal, but there’s a variety of other ones that are helpful too! Like the Better Build/Buy mod and even CAW by TwistedMexi but it isn’t out yet. Still in development. 

The TOOL Mod by TwistedMexi. The TOOL mod allows you to take objects off a lot, but that’s not all you can do. Rotate, duplicate, scale objects and more. If you ever wonder why my game looks different from the EA base worlds, it’s because I edit all of them. Add more trees, add more deco buildings, add more debug objects, etc. World customization is essential. However, it is a very tedious process. Editing San Sequoia for S2 of Lykaia took me about a week in total. Primarily because I’m still learning how to use TOOL effectively, but because I put a lot of details into my worlds. I add cars around. I use S4S to make hidden objects show up in-game. It’s a long process, but having a world that’s really unique is so rewarding. Sure, we all have access to the same sandbox but we don’t all make the same things. That’s the best part about the community. The creativity is boundless. Have you seen that one person with an Ancient China savefile? Bonkers. So creative. You can do some crazy stuff with this game. Don’t be afraid to push it to its limits. 

The All Worlds are Clickable Mod by Awingedllama works so well in conjunction with the TOOL Mod. I’d say it’s almost necessary to have both. This mod does just what it says on the tin. It makes all worlds in TS4 clickable. No longer will you see that red circle with a line through it. You can walk anywhere. It also helps to place objects using the TOOL mod. Sometimes figuring out the grid is hard, it's easier to point and click. I highlight an object with TOOL and click wherever around the world I want to place it. Now, this will cause some routing issues with your sims. They’ll walk through stones, lakes, etc. Taking the mod out is an easy fix for this whenever you want to just play your game normally. I rarely play my game these days, but when I do I leave it in, it’s kinda funny to see Victor Feng running through the lake in San Sequoia. 

Emptied Newcrest & Willow Creek by Awingedllama is also a great mod if you want to take things a bit further. It gets rid of everything and I do mean everything. Think TS3 empty create-a-world. It does so by hiding certain objects, so don’t be surprised if they don’t show up in game for other worlds. It makes things look a bit wonky, but if you really wanna start from scratch, then this is a great way to do it. You can completely customize the look and layout of your world. Add more tropical vegetation or more tepid vegetation. It’s up to you. It does take an immense amount of work and I’d recommend following this tutorial to get the backdrops for the worlds in game. Also this tutorial if you’d like to add custom debug houses.

* Lykaia’s world is based on TS4 worlds, but with real life influences. Copperdale is meant to give that east coast small town vibe. Heavily wooded areas that experience a lot of rain. (Just because I love really gloomy weather irl.) It also makes doing ambience easier. The sound of rain is easy to throw in. San Sequoia is meant to be like San Francisco. Del Sol too. I usually just go in and add more trees and vegetation. Place more cars and deco people to make the worlds feel more full. I also add in other little objects that are specific to the series. More places to sit. Just to overall make the worlds feel more lived in. TS4 can feel like a ghost town at times. Green Haven is a new area within Lykaia that I am currently working on. It’s a full town I’ve built from scratch using the emptied Newcrest and Willow Creek mod. Inspo for it is on my pinterest. It is supposed to mimic small towns in upper Cali. 

In the next session we'll start talking about filming, sets, lighting, etc. If you ever have any questions, just send me an ask!

[plussizefantasia]

The Black Queen

Summary: An evening at Prince Thor's naming day ball, leaves you with a conflicted head, and heart.

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Wordcount: 1k

A/N: This is for @salenorona23 who left me a request. I'm thinking of doing a part 2 but only if people would read it, so let me know in the comments.

_________________________________________________

Your very being exudes power. You are a queen. You command armies. You rule an entire realm. This is apparently intimidating to some men; the type of men who demand respect without doing anything to earn it. The ones who want a woman to live in their shadows, the ones who want a maid, not a life partner. 

However you needed a consort, the laws of your realm were very clear and very hard to change, you had tried. So for the past several years of your life, you had been searching, not necessarily for love, you weren’t foolish enough to believe that love was something you’d ever have but you at least wanted someone you didn’t hate. Lords from all over the nine realms had come to attempt to win over your favor. The issue you faced was weeding out the ones who saw you as nothing more than a stepping stone to their own throne. 

Like this idiot. 

“So what other things do you do? Needlepoint? Knitting perhaps,” the snide man whose name you never bothered to learn asks. You were growing increasingly more frustrated the more this man talked to you. You were in attendance for a ball being thrown on Asgard, Prince Thor’s naming day ball as well as a celebration of the Warriors Three’s latest victory. You were dressed in finery, a silken gown in a deep blue color cascading down your body. The dress had sheer scooping sleeves which rested parallel to your collarbones. Running up your forearms were matching arm braces, they were metal and looked entirely decorative depicting the image of shooting starts intertwined with one another, but could be used to deflect a blade if need be. Speaking of blades you had several hidden on your body, and were growing ever more tempted to use one on the insufferable man next to you.

“I think it’s just wonderful that women have found things to do to occupy their time, one must get so bored waiting at home all the time.”

“I’m afraid My Lord, that I do not often have the pleasure of indulging myself in hobbies, I am much too busy ruling my kingdom. But I should hope that whoever I shall marry will have their own ways to occupy their time. When they wait for me at home as you put it.”

Alas, your blades were not needed this time as the man sputtered and excused himself when your words reached him.

“Who needs blades when you have barbs that sharp” a voice called from behind you.

“I take pride in my ability to handle fools, as I’m sure you do as well.” You turned your torso slightly to be able to get a better look at the raven-haired man to your left. “They call you silver-tongued do they not, Prince Loki?”

The Prince raised his eyebrow in your direction wetting his lip with his tongue. “It is one of my titles, yes.” He smirked in a roguish way while making his way towards you. In one hand he held a goblet, full of what you can only assume to be wine. “I seem to recall they call you the Black Queen if I’m not mistaken.” His tone was sultry in a way that sent shivers up your spine.

“I have not heard that name in years, it's a shame, I was quite fond of it.” In a brazen move that you might scold yourself for later, you grab the goblet out of his hand and take a sip. Mead. the sweetness hits your tongue and causes a smile to involuntarily spread across your face. 

“It is lovely to meet someone interesting at one of these things, usually I turn to making mischief to entertain myself.” The raven-haired prince said.

“Well, I’m happy to amuse you, your highness” You responded. “Although I suppose I should be spending my time trying to find a suitor, as was my intention when I arrived.”

He raised an eyebrow at this, “A suitor? But don’t you already have a throne?” He questioned, genuine curiosity bleeding through his words.

“That I do, but the laws of my kingdom are clear, I must find a consort and soon if I were to remain in power.” It wasn’t like you to divulge this much information, especially to someone you had just met. But something about the Prince made him easy to talk to, which was dangerous in more ways than one.

“And who, may I ask, will take the throne if this fails to happen.” He tilted his head to the side and his eyes bore into your own. The green pools full of something mysterious, something alluring, something disastrous. 

“I am my father’s only heir. If I were to be forced to forfeit the throne, the custom in my kingdom is a tournament. The lords will fight amongst themselves with the weapon of my choosing until one is victorius, he will be named king. And as much as I would love to witness the lords fighting to the death, I would much rather keep my crown.” You explained.

“My brother, the blonde oaf fumbling about the other side of the ballroom, is also looking for a suitor. It might be worth pursuing, you both are heirs to your own thrones and while he may be dull, you’ll not find a better option. Besides, he’s not looking for love, only a match that will stop Father from pestering him. I’d imagine you’re somewhat the same in that regard.” Loki’s words caused you to pause. Never in a millenia would you have throught that he would offer Thor instead of himself. From what you’ve heard he was very self-serving. You heard of his play to take the crown and while his attempt had failed you would’ve thought he’d vye for yours once he knew it was possible.

“You seem a strong ruler, I’d hate for you to lose your crown becuase of a foolish law.” He took his goblet out of your hand and began to turn away. You let him

Your mind was muddled, and you had no idea what to think. You could not deny the attractiveness of the younger prince, he was witty and cunning and very very handsome. It also seemed that he respected you, thought of you as a good leader and wished the best for you. In a few short moments he had contradicted everything you had evr heard of him. You were left with one thought reigning over all the others in your mind.

Thor was not the prince you wanted.

[sophieinwonderland]

We enjoy the breakdowns of posts that you do to point out how anti endos are wrong.

But we're a bit concerned lately, something seems different with your posts, angrier, scarier...

Were entirely pro endo but something has changed and we want to know if youre okay?

Honestly, that's fair.

I think I am angrier these days.

I have a confession to make. Something I'm only really coming to terms with now. When I tried being nice and got so much hate for it and was painted as the villain for just being myself...

It was fun.

It could be terrible too some days. There were points where I was exhausted with everything and wanting everything to burn.

But I came to enjoy my reputation. I came to enjoy people being so desperate to take me down that they would read everything I said in the most awful way, twisting their image of me into a monster.

The more extreme people's takes on me, the better! Abuser! Cult Leader! I ate it all up. I mean, I would argue against it. But like, in a calculatedly mocking and condescending enough way to hopefully make my denials come off as too strong, and make anti-endos believe them more.

I enjoyed it so much that a long while ago, I chose to stop posting anything too relatable or humanizing in the syscourse tag. I would still make those posts in other tags on my blog, but if there was something that might accidentally make an anti-endo relate to me more or see me as a person or a human being, I intentionally avoided tagging those with syscourse. It was an unofficial policy of mine.

As far as I justified this, I figured hate from anti-endos would be more useful. That giving them a single target to focus their attention on would help protect other pro-endos. And that I could use their reactions generated by hate to gain more support.

Now, I don't know. I think I might have just liked the attention and the conflict.

Over time as new anti-endos moved in, it felt like I lost that. And I felt strangely nostalgic for it.

I wonder how much of that led me to my current escalations.

I guess my main point is that this isn't new. I feel like I'm just not trying to hide it anymore.

Although I have been angrier too on top of that. I think the desire to be seen as a villain again coalesced with the anger over all the horrible recent stuff anti-endos have done, and led me here.

Maybe I should go back to trying to be nicer though. Maybe that's all I need. It seemed effective in the beginning. At getting them to hate me, that is.

And yes, I'm well aware that I'm a mess.

To the question, am I okay?

I don't think so at the moment. I'm still angry. Still trying to figure out why I do the things I do. But I'll get there.

[leynaeithnea]

Introduction:

Hehylo, I'm Leyna or Ley

-> she/her, sometimes they

-> I can legally drink in the US (I won’t, I'm boring, I don't rly drink, smoke, i don't even drink coffee or energy drinks, I'm boring, I’m also not from that continent)

-> probably bi, idek not straight probably

-> trying to be a functional member of society but not doing great with that yet, keep questioning my life choices every few weeks

-> my blog is probably not family friendly

-> I'm mostly active on discord, you can add me under @ leynadeyemi ....but I tend to ignore unknown requests so maybe lmk on here first

Tags:

#LeyAnswers (ask replies)

#LeyWonders (asking questions to myself or others)

#LeysDoodles (stuff I draw or doodle)

#LeyRambles (ranting about stuff, probably trying to make a point)

#LeyWrites (anything related to my writing projects)

-> fandom tags

-> might add more tags i.e. for reblogs or stuff like that eventually

-> the writing projects get their own tags too

Content:

I'm a writer....well, I’m working on it, I'm neither good at writing nor storytelling, worldbuilding or character creation, but writing is the only thing that when I do it I don‘t feel like I’m secretly wasting my time, so imma keep doing it

Occasionally I draw and slowly getting a tiny bit better at that, mostly practicing digital, sometimes on paper, I also like playing around with all other stuff of digital arts: animation, trying to get into music again, editing,….long list, but mostly writing probably

Main writing projects:

Stolen Kingdom (working title) (#DayNightDusk): fantasy - trilology - no day-night cycle, political conflicts, no magic, mc wants to go home, enemies to lover's - worldbuilding, planning, plotting, character creation [-> still new and fully up to change]

Minto Wild (#MintoWild): epic/portal fantasy (probably?) - series - nine worlds, wild magic, the gods are gone, mc can manipulate and feel fear – worldbuilding, planning

Changeling King (#ChangelingKing): fantasy, folklore - novel (probably, duology maybe) - changelings, curses, withering world, otherworld, fairies – worldbuilding, planning

Starless - Starlit - Starborn (#Astaranay): gaslamp fantasy, galaxy core - series/triology - scholarship, constellations, stolen magic – worldbuilding

Rustle of Wings (#RustleOfWings): gaslamp fantasy, folklore - short story - moth, death omen, apothecary, fairies – editing

Shadows of Truth (#CakeMelonSword/ ShadowsOfTruth): lgbt fantasy romance - co-written novel (with two friends) - gods, fey, angels, truth and lies – plotting

(More that arent more than a single line or idea)

Hobbies/Interests, that I might mention or rant about:

Editing, history, mythology, folklore, fairies, writing, english, linguistics, culture, storytelling, witchy stuff, gardening/foraging, psychology, sociology, science like astronomoy (kinda, not the maths and physics behind it) probably more stuff

Fandoms I might reblog or mention/reference more frequently:

Epic the Musical

The Odyssey

Captive Prince Series

All for the Game series

The Silmarillion

Additionally:

-> reading mostly fantasy and lgbt, sometimes non fiction…mostly for research, sometimes for the brain

-> whatever I'm currently watching

-> i don't play a lot of games (mostly genshin and assassins creed syndicate) nor am I rly involved into any game fandoms, want to explore more games in the future though

Friend shenenigans with:

@underexasperation

@rudegizmo

@diovoppio

(Might start tagging interactions with #mydearestfriends)

#mutuals for interactions with other friends :>

Oh, i also tested out what these new communities were and made one for my stories, but considering I've only have two somewhat acceptable short-stories and an actually good co-written one, I don't think that's gonna be relevant anytime soon 😬 Unless you want me to ramble about my WIPs, in which case I wont refuse

[itgomyway]

I've been into Non-Dualism for a while now, though not extensively. Previously, I was deeply involved in the Law of Assumption community. Then, I stumbled upon ND. It felt like a breath of fresh air, so liberating. I've consumed all sorts of ND content, from every nook and cranny of the internet. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster, this journey of slowly "detaching from ego".

Recently, something happened that sent me on a over-consumption, while trying to convince myself that "hey, it's okay". Honestly, I'm tired of reading without a clear sense of what steps to take. I've tried all sorts of techniques to loosen the grip of ego, but my mind keeps circling back to these issues, almost like they're haunting me. I get it, it's ego at play, but the anxiety attacks still hit hard.

I hope I'm not coming across as too demanding, I'm just genuinely seeking guidance in the best way possible. What more can I do?

There's so much conflicting advice out there. Some say understanding isn't crucial, it's just the ego making a fuss. Others suggest a slow process of self-inquiry, questioning what the ego is asserting and coming back to our core. It's left me feeling a bit bewildered and frankly, drained. I'm at a loss, just wanting a reset that brings some peace.

I get that Non-Dualism is supposed to be about simplicity and shouldn't bring about these feelings. But right now, I feel like I've got a full plate. My mom's financial situation hasn't been great, and I'm really anxious about her having to bear too much of a burden. Letting go of the desire to change my current circumstances is terrifying. What if letting go only means things stay the same or get worse? The pressure to make a change feels like it's closing in.

When people say "let it be" or advise to step back from actively trying to fix things, I'm left scratching my head. How do you navigate challenges by just letting them be? I feel defeated and just want to feel free. I'm scared about what the end of the week, or worse, the end of the month, might look like if I'm still stuck in this uncertainty. I've got a decent grasp of these concepts on an intellectual level, but when the day passes and I whisper "I AM" to myself, I struggle to truly feel it. It's like I'm held back by the limitations of this physical form.

I'm on the edge of giving up on chasing after achievements. Ego sometimes feels like this looming, scary presence. What I really want is to shed all of this weight, be kinder to myself, and find a path that leads to genuine freedom. What's the next step? What should I do? I want to stop trying, or figuring out.

Thanks a ton for taking the time to read this through. I've been following your blog and I really appreciate the kindness you bring to your community. Wishing you a great day ahead.

love im afraid in all of that reading, you missed the entire point. the point of non dualism is to free you from the human condition. you dont use non dualism to navigate the human condition it doesnt exist in the first place.

remember everything is you. you are consciousness. everything else is fake and its only the ego that deems it as real.

ignore it. its not real. who cares?

that’s how i live “life”. i dont confirm nor deny anything real or fake whenever circumstances arise cuz its ALL FAKE. the only existing thing is me. even when i think about “me” its not even “me” doing it. its the ego. the ego answers the question of who you are while you as CONSCIOUSNESS know what you are. the ego cant really grasp this so i don’t see a reason in trying to make it

i picture it as inner child = ego “grown up” = consciousness. the inner child is scared and confused. just wants to be safe and do any and everything to be safe, even if they think they know what theyre doing or that theyre in control. its not. its fake. be the adult in the situation and take control. understanding the ego is probably throwing a temper tantrum so let it cry itself to sleep. everything they thought that was soooo important they’ll forget when they wake up. so its not real anyway. you can relax you got this <3

[esther-dot]

I feel very conflicted and I know I’ll get hate if I post this on my blog but I just want feedback. I loved D for years after watching the show until season 8 came out and I felt betrayed. I thought it was out of character. I wanted happy romantic J x D. I saw myself in D. I’ve read the books at long last over the past year and I know I have confirmation bias. I love Sansa too. And I see myself in her as well. Deep down I know that I am far more like book!Sansa than I am like the character D really is and that the D in my head is not truly who the character is. I want to love Jonsa. I think that could be such a happy end for Sansa and I want to want that (that being specifically Jonsa; of course I want a happy end for her). But I don’t know how to shake my attachment to D and the character I want her to be. I can’t let go and stop projecting despite consciously being aware that she is not truly very much like me at all. I think perhaps because Sansa’s arc has not yet had as much direct payoff. She has not yet been able to claim power in the way D has and I think thus identifying myself with her may cast a light on uncomfortable feelings of helplessness within myself. But I’m not really sure. All I know is that logically I wish for Sansa to be my favorite and I want to love Jonsa instead of JxD and I know Sansa is quite a bit like me but I just can’t seem to embrace that. I’m not sure if I am looking for any sort of advice or wisdom or perhaps just wanting to put my thoughts out there. I’m curious about anything at all that you might have to say

I have my opinions and preferences, but there’s a difference between emotionally connecting and intellectually engaging. I’ve read loads of classic novels because I want to know what they say, why they matter, but I often fail to find them personally meaningful. That’s simply due to life experience which is why certain things resonate with me or don’t. I’ve found, none of us read the same novel, even if we agree on certain aspects or characters, there’s always something else that hits us differently. That’s not an indictment or vindication of a person because I’ve revisited books years later and my response is wildly different.

The book didn’t change, life changed me so I read it differently this time around. That's a good thing to bear in mind when we're talking about the same series for years on end, there's room for us to evolve our stances because we're changing. I leave room for that with others, I permit myself the same understanding. I hope you do that for yourself too!

Also, my sensibilities aren’t Martin’s, so even if I make arguments about why a certain thing shouldn’t/should happen, I know it still might or might not. Jon and Dany isn’t a universally accepted pairing for no reason. And even though most of what I say about Dany I tag with “anti,” that’s just because I want people to be able to avoid it if they’d like. I don’t hate her, I have a lot of sympathy for her. I think her story is full of tragedy, so I don’t think there’s anything weird about reading the books and your heart going out to her. Many, many fans identify with her, some because they too are abuse survivors. That’s why a lot of fans connected so deeply with show Sansa as well. I was frustrated before the GoT finale because the people who argued with us about Dany were actively defending her burning people alive and denying where her story was going, but after GoT ended, I went into the Dany tag and saw a few posts by more normal fans who simply loved a girl who had inspired them and helped them in their own struggles, so I understand who she is to people even if she isn’t that to me.

I loved D for years after watching the show until season 8 came out and I felt betrayed.

This was a pretty universal sentiment, and I felt betrayed too (although for different reasons, coming from a completely different direction), so I sympathize.

Deep down I know that I am far more like book!Sansa than I am like the character D really is and that the D in my head is not truly who the character is.

I think the “problem” (not really a problem, but we’ll call it that) is that Martin wants his characters to be more than one thing. I’ve said in the past, he has quite an expansive view of what one person can encompass which means, I look at, let’s say, the Hound quite differently than many in the fandom. Every bad thing I have ever said about him is true, but there are good things about him that are true too, and Martin wants both to coexist. That’s true for Tyrion (another villain), Jaime, Theon….it’s true for Dany too. She’s even more enmeshed with good things, as more good desires, than those guys, so it’s easy to let it eclipse everything else. I’ve pointed out before that with Dany, it’s always a one-two. She “saves” people, then we discover it wasn’t salvation at all. You have to be open to questioning her to realize that though.

The way the show framed her, a lot of people saw themselves or who they wanted to be in Dany, and even now, I’ll hear people occasionally compare themselves to Dany in a positive way, because for years, she was a #girlboss. We might have a lot of skepticism around that idea now, realizing it was to hide what her story actually was, but it resonated because, who wouldn’t want to be capable of fighting injustice? Of walking into a situation and taking control of it and rectifying wrongs? The problem is, in the books, we’re presented with the reality that her methods aren’t improving things, and in the show, they mute that as much as possible. When the author is trying to show the devastation of war and the showrunners opted to glorify it, the audience is gonna have a reaction that’s no longer compatible with the original intent. For instance, Arya killing all the Freys. That’s presented as a bad ass moment, that’s their view, so why would a fan realize, “but over here vengeance / unnecessary bloodshed is bad.” It’s careless storytelling, but D&D were also dishonest too. They included certain moments to justify the ending, but undermined it so fans wouldn't track it, rewrote characters to make them obsequious to Dany. And then they drowned it all in bs interviews / commentary, loads and loads of hype and marketing....they twisted it completely out of any discernible shape. Confusion is an understandable response to such contradictory nonsense. People I'm a fan of made sense of it, predicted it, but I do think y'all were lied to by the showrunners which annoys me to no end.

But I don’t know how to shake my attachment to D and the character I want her to be.

That's love though. I've experienced this so often in real life, wanting good for someone I care about, desperately wanting them to see the self-destructive patterns they have, and not being able to get them to change anything and learning to either accept where they are/who they are, or learning, I can't accept it and ending the relationship because it wasn't healthy for me to be involved. Martin loves his villains, Tyrion is his fav, he wants you to care, that's where he'll get the tragedy in Dany's ending rather than it simply being a clear cut good vs evil ending. I think he wants us to have sympathy on both sides of the coming struggle, and to have fans see the heroic path Dany could have and watch her fail to follow it and walk down a path she didn't have to choose...it's gonna make it heart-wrenching rather than cliche. I think you may be almost just where Martin wants you.

I think perhaps because Sansa’s arc has not yet had as much direct payoff. She has not yet been able to claim power in the way D has and I think thus identifying myself with her may cast a light on uncomfortable feelings of helplessness within myself. But I’m not really sure.

Obviously, I don't know you, but from what I've seen people write about Sansa, I do think her relative powerlessness is a major detractor for fans. For some it makes her boring, for others, they despise her because they're so frustrated by her not doing something. But it's a dose of reality in this fantasy world to have a character constrained by her situation and her life dictated by her gender. I'd argue that Sansa is a more impressive character for the mercy and bravery she shows even thought she is a captive herself, but I understand that's not as thrilling as other characters' stories.

I want to love Jonsa instead of JxD

Sansa has had a few crushes which are fairly...I’ll say, detached from reality. She connects to the characters emotionally by imagining them as romantic figures, less a tangible knowing and loving the individual. It’s all very daydreamy, but mainly, she's been the object of desire for creeps. So, while I disagree with them, there is a part of me that understands why fans aren't looking for her to have an actual romance because the way it has existed in her story thus far isn't tangible for her or rewarding, and of course, there's her age. Dany on the other hand, as young as she was when this story began, has had sexual partners she loves. We say Drogo was an abusive POS, we know Daario doesn't truly care for her, so I understand, with one part of my mind, that fans are looking for her to have a mutual, sexual relationship. If you love Dany, a healthy sexual relationship feels more pressing than one for Sansa, due to past experiences. It feels more appropriate due to her age as well. So, I understand why one can have hooks for you as a fan that the next doesn't. It’s always good to remember though, while we connect to these characters as if they’re people, the author is using them to discuss ideas, and they will experience, or not experience, certain things as a result.

I feel very conflicted and I know I’ll get hate if I post this on my blog but I just want feedback.

I'd like to tell you that isn't the case, but it's probably true. I still get rude messages because I'm a Sansa fan/Jonsa, and I can't imagine a situation like yours, loving both characters and being open to Jonsa but shipping J/D, would allow you to be fully comfortable anywhere. I can't assure you that my corner of the fandom will treat you with the utmost understanding either, so I'm glad you reached out this way and felt safe coming into my inbox. I find talking about things is helpful. There isn't always an answer, but it makes me feel better, so I'm happy to read your thoughts on this even if I can't offer any advice, in the hopes it makes you feel better too. 💗

[marzs-space]

Transformers

Hobie x transmasc! Reader

Pairing: hobie x transmasc! Reader

Warnings: mentions of transphobia, mentions of needles, mentions of surgery,sexual comments, ooc, implied smut, not proof read, angst, fluff let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: because I am transmasc myself I decided to write about what I think hobie would be like if you were transmasc.

Usually you were ok with a few slight transphobic comments. But today was just too much, everything seemed to go wrong. First you woke up late for work then you spilled your coffee on yourself and had to change last minute. Next your car broke down and you had to walk to work because the busses weren't running yet. Then you let a co-worker see your scars because you had to borrow one of their shirts. You didn't mind thinking you could trust them but of course with life being against you today they told everybody.

Despite knowing that your boss is openly homophobic. He dug through your files when he finally found your dead name and emailed everyone to call you that plus he gave you a name tag with your dead name. You could quit but how would you pay your bills? You dealt with it in silence but the transphobic comments were really starting to get to you. A few of your co-workers even started saying things like "if I met you sooner I could have changed you~" and others got kinda handsy.

You hated everything and everyone. You started to pick at every single little thing you did. You didn't sound like a boy, you didn't look like a boy, you didn't dress like a boy, you didn't act like a boy, you didn't date girls like most boys would. You hated it. You walked home on shaky legs threatening to buckle underneath you. You blinked away tears for what felt like the 100th time. You had to stay strong. He doesn't know your trans. You can't be sad, he can't know. You finally made it to your apartment.

You grimaced as you looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror before getting in the shower.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You tried to just put your old binder back on to help at least a little bit. It didn't. You glanced at your phone conflicted. Should you call him? You don't wanna bother him... He's spider-man he probably has better things to do than comfort you... You decide against it and begin thinking about how you are compared to hobie... What if he's playing you... What if- the tapping on your window interrupted your train of thought. You immediately knew it was hobie. You begin to internally panic about what he might be here for.

You got up and opened the window letting hobie in. Closing the window behind him "hey luv" you smile at him "hey bee" you tried your best not to sound sad, tired, like you were going to break any minute. (Key word: tried). Hobie seemed a little caught off guard by your tone "wha's wrong luv?". That's all it took for you to break. Tears streaming down your face and your legs shaking. Hobie caught you before you could fall to you're knees carrying you to your bed. "I-im sorry..." You manage to choke out between sobs.

"shhh, 's fine"

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"can you tell me wha' happened?" You sniffle "work sucked ass" "tha' can' be all luv" "... My co-worker found out im trans and my boss is transphobic and made everyone call me by my dead name.." he stayed quiet for a second "quit, quit your job" "but-" "no, quit then you can cuddle and we can watch movies"

You can probably tell I rushed the ending.

[waywardstation]

With PLA being announced for Masters people want Warden Ingo to show up.

Honestly I want that too but I was just thinking. Warden Ingo being able to meet the Pasio Subway Twins is definitely going to be very interesting.

After being a bit confused at first I think they would openly accept him as an unofficial "triplet" giving him love and kindness but I feel like that meeting these two would cause all kinds of memories to resurface and the wish and need to get to his Emmet.

He would remember what he was missing back in Hisui and his determination to get back where he came from is only getting stronger. (Someone had pointed out his Alpha battle quotes.) He’s already determined but this would make it even more determined.

I also think he would be a little sad meeting the Pasio twins. Knowing that his Emmet is all alone. (It wouldn’t be tackled like this since Masters is a very positive game but still) he will get a lot of comfort from both of Ingo and Emmet then. Just like that one comic.

But theoretically Warden Ingo would have a good chance to get home from Pasio thanks to Hoopa.

I am conflicted about DeNa possibly touching this narrative about Warden Ingo, if they choose to include him.

I play pokemon masters entirely for the the sync pairs and getting to collect my favorites; I’m not tied up in story, because honestly the stories don’t ever really have much weight to them and nothing significant ever comes from them (and why would it? Pokemas is not built for restructuring itself around arcs and narrative changes. It’s overall static, so nothing significant comes from its stories).

My discord summed it up much better than I could, but this is why I’m kind of concerned to see if DeNa decides to do anything narratively. There would just be nothing of substance/it may be sort of glossed over, or unresolved.

But as you said, one thing that DeNa does do is make sure none of its narratives end on a depressing note. They either end positively, or imply positivity after the story. So that does bring me some relief.

I just know if Warden Ingo is introduced as a unit, he is narratively stuck there, unable to leave Pasio. We could either get him as a unit and keep him on the island, or he’s introduced in the story events and we get him back to his timeline, but we don’t get him as a unit because of this. (Or a mix of both honestly, DeNa could do whatever they want, but it feels broken to do that)

ALTHOUGH! Your concept of warden Ingo being out of place yet still accepted by Emmet is indeed bittersweet. But perhaps it could be remedied if in-game they have a narrative where Pasio’s Ingo goes missing, implying this is the same Ingo, and he’s been brought back right where he’s supposed to be. Though, then that might cause continuity issues with subway boss unit Ingo…

Unsure, I’m just getting very ahead of myself and thinking about every possibility because I am worried how it will be handed if Warden Ingo does actually show up ^^;

[pascaloverx]

As It Was

Chapter Two

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Summary: The protagonist seems to be torn between the handsome FBI agent, Steve Rogers, and her beloved ex-husband, James Barnes. The date has brought up a range of feelings and questions that are leaving her mind and heart in conflict. The future holds many challenges and choices for her.

Warnings: future use of violence, inappropriate language and future adult scenes. Minors are advised not to read or engage with this story.

I went towards the main door, thinking about what excuse I would give to justify my delay in answering the door. Fortunately, as I opened the door, I came face to face with a deeply concerned and observant Sam Wilson.

"You noticed that there's a suspicious car parked in front of the Davis' house?" Sam says as he enters, and I end up noticing a black car outside as well.

"Tell me you understood what I meant with that message and that you're prepared even without having a full context?" I say as I lock the doors very securely, hoping that Sam has alerted our friends.

"Wanda and Yelena are heading to a cabin that your friend Dave said would be safe for us to keep anyone in danger. I deduced that the problem was with Bucky, so I decided to come personally to help you. Judging by the time of your message and that car out there watching, someone is likely to come with a warrant to search this house," Sam says as he looks for signs of anyone surveilling or eavesdropping on our conversation in the house. Despite Wilson being Barnes' partner for years, after the divorce, most of our friends ended up siding with me. A year after my split with Barnes, the partnership between James and Sam ended too. Neither of them ever told me anything about it, so I chose to believe that the reason was the distance that grew between them after the accident that happened to Barnes.

"Thanks for convincing Dave for me, I know he probably didn't like helping B…" Before I finish speaking, James steps out of his hiding place and continues to stare at Sam. Sam and James have this thing where they love to engage in a silent treatment with intense looks that make it seem like they either want to kill each other or kiss.

"You don't need to worry, Melisa. Dave said that a compromising photo of this big guy in front of us, and he's willing to do anything." Sam's voice starts to deepen more than usual, and I think he's trying to sound threatening, but it doesn't quite have the desired effect. James continues to stare at him, now with a smug little smile at the corner of his mouth. Two complete idiots.

"If you two are done being complete idiots, I really need to go to my date, and I need my ex-husband to leave this house. Now!" I don't have much patience for the squabbles between these two. Since I've been around them, they seem to compete for power more with intense glares and conversations than coexisting harmoniously.

"Are you sure you're going to have a good date tonight, considering any nonsense that this big oaf might have dragged you into?" Sam says, keeping his gaze on James, who, in turn, seems uncomfortable but continues to stare back at Sam.

"I am, especially because you and the rest of our informal and probably illegal team are going to help me clean up this handsome idiot's mess, and I might end my evening in the arms of a tall, muscular blond guy in his early forties." Am I a terrible person for wanting Barnes to care that I'm going on a date? Probably. Am I going to change that about myself? Probably not.

"I don't think you should go on a date with anyone your father arranged, it's dangerous." It's the first time I can clearly hear James' voice. There's something different about it, as if it carries a tremendous weight. Now that I can look at him more closely, I miss his hair long enough for him to tie it back but not long enough to braid it.

"So your plan is for me to cancel the date that's been scheduled for weeks, last-minute, just because my father is dangerous, while my dangerous father was the mastermind behind this date?" I'm not sure if I can fully express my complete indignation with words, but I'm trying.

"I just don't think it's safe for you to go alone to meet a stranger that your father thinks is suitable for you while I can assure you that your father is responsible for the situation I find myself in now." Barnes is now looking at me as if he desperately wants to convince me to stay, while Sam observes the both of us.

"How about you deal with this crappy situation instead of worrying about me like I'm a little child?" I say as I search for my purse to touch up my makeup. To be honest, I don't want to go on this date. I've been putting it off as much as I could, first because of meeting Barnes. Then because I wasn't ready to date after the divorce. Meanwhile, my father kept reminding me at every opportunity of what my life would be like with Steve Rogers. He even took advantage of both Steve and me being single to force me into this date that's supposedly going to "change my life."

"The old motorcycle of James is in the garage; he can leave from the back while I distract the agents in front of the house. Be careful, and ask Dave to let me know as soon as possible that you guys are safe. I'm sure you'll manage, but Sam, please, protect him." I try to speak softly into Sam's ear while Barnes is gathering some things he left here.

Me and the boys left my house almost at the same time so that the police wouldn't notice that James was leaving through the back with the motorcycle. Sam planned to wait for James two blocks from here and hide him in his car. I tried to attract a lot of unnecessary attention, placed a bag in the trunk, walked slowly, and looked around everywhere. The key was to make the agents watching me go after me. I sent a message to Rogers letting him know he wouldn't have to pick me up at home and that I would meet him at the restaurant.I arrived at the restaurant, which is probably the fanciest restaurant in town, feeling unprepared for a date. I've had post-divorce dates, but they've all been disasters. The truth is, everything would have been easier if I had divorced my husband without loving him, but I did love him. Maybe I still do, even to this day. As I entered the venue and inquired about the reservation under the name Rogers, a noticeably handsome man stood up automatically. He was dressed in a black suit with a gray dress shirt. His hair was moderately long, and he had a well-groomed beard. He had a casually nonchalant expression, even somewhat apathetic. Maybe he, like me, was regretting coming on this date. Perhaps he's also trying to forget someone, or maybe he already thinks we won't work out even before we give it a try. But I need a good alibi in case they try to say I'm helping Barnes, so I have to spend at least tonight in the company of this man.

"Sorry for the delay, I had a little situation to take care of before..." I say as he pulls out the chair for me to sit. He sits down and lets out a sigh as if he disapproves of something I said.

"After a few years of training to become a good agent, I learned that punctuality is the main characteristic of a good soldier." He seems slightly stressed as he tells me something that reminds me of the praises my father gave to the man in front of me.

"So it's a good thing we're on a date and not in a military training zone trying to figure out who arrives more punctually." I definitely don't want to be here anymore, but I need to find a way to please Rogers. Because in the end, my ex-husband is being used as a scapegoat, possibly because of my father. I need him to want to be part of #TEAMBARNES.

"I apologize if I was rude, a true gentleman would have asked what happened for you to be late..." Now he seems to recognize that he came across as a jerk in our first interaction. I looked into his eyes, finally realizing how handsome Steve is. His beard is neatly groomed, his hair looks like it came from some fancy movie, and his black suit seems to have been carefully washed and ironed.

"Well, I had to have a very interesting chat with the police because apparently my ex-husband is under investigation, but we should focus on what's really important here. Do you prefer white wine, rosé, or red?" Changing the subject subtly is so complicated; it requires the kind of subtlety that I don't possess as one of my abilities.

"I personally prefer rosé wine, but white wine pairs well with grilled chicken and lemon. And I'm sorry to correct you, but I'm not in contact with my ex." As I speak, Steve signals to the waiter and orders the white wine I suggested and two plates of grilled chicken with lemon. I feel like I'm going to need two bottles of wine to survive this night. Until yesterday, my life was all about preparing lessons, teaching kids about literature, and deciding which romantic comedy pairs best with pizza at the end of the night.

"Not directly, but something tells me you don't believe he's guilty, which suggests either you blindly trust a man you're still in love with or you're in contact with him, and the police know about it."When I looked at Steve, he had a look of arrogance, as if he were telling the world that he was right to believe I still had feelings for my ex.

"Do you still feel something for Peggy?" I could bet I surprised him with that question by his reaction. When he nearly spilled his wine glass, I wondered where that confidence and arrogance were now.

"I don't see how that question is relevant." He says while adjusting his suit, trying desperately to compose himself without showing discomfort. I smile; he looks cute when he's uncomfortable.

"Considering your obvious affection for your ex-fiancée, I can say that if she needed your help, you would help her, regardless of how you feel romantically about her." One point for me, as I take the trouble to research the basics about the life of an FBI agent because the fact that my father wants me to meet him so badly scares me. To be honest, I wanted to know what skeletons Rogers had hidden in his closet.

"You do realize you're indirectly telling me that you've committed a crime and showing yourself to be a stalker, as I never mentioned my past romantic relationship during this dinner?" As he speaks, I take a sip of the wine in front of me.

"I can see that this meeting is going to throw out any conventions of first dates, so let me ask you something: why does a divorced woman believe her ex-husband's word more than the police?" Touché, he got me. This guy knows how to turn a first date conversation into an interrogation.

"I've known my ex-husband for a long time to know that if he was willing to neglect our relationship to serve the country, he wouldn't betray the country for any reason. I believe you would feel the same way if someone told you that your ex did something you knew her morals would never allow to happen." He smiles slightly as if he's thinking about how inconvenient I seem when I mention his ex.

"Since you seem to think you can do the police work better than she can, tell me who your suspects are." If looks could kill, mine would be arrested for the murder of Steve Grant Rogers, and he wouldn't regret it.

"I can only have this kind of conversation with you if you're willing to help me. Otherwise, let's pretend this conversation never happened, and that this date was a disaster." As the words leave my mouth, I feel like I'm being ruder than I should be. Perhaps if I weren't under pressure and thinking about James, I could be enjoying Rogers' company.

"I thought the fact that we're still talking about it would indicate that I'm willing to help," he says. This date is turning out to be one of the strangest and most intriguing I've had in years. In fact, it's the first one I've had since my dates with Bucky.

"The main suspect in using my ex-husband as a shield to commit crimes is my father," I say, leaning in close enough to Steve so that only he can hear this part of the conversation, but the chances of anyone else overhearing us are almost nonexistent. The restaurant is busy enough that I don't have to worry.

"You become more intriguing with every moment of this conversation. May I ask what your ex-husband has done that makes you believe in his innocence more than your father's?" He doesn't even bother pretending he's not questioning me, looking at me as if he can't believe what he's hearing.

"Your curiosity about what makes me believe things is becoming quite a trend, I'm almost getting used to it. I'll tell you on the way to your place; now be a good boy and take me home because I have a lot of things to do today." I say as I take the money corresponding to my share of the restaurant bill and place it on the table. Steve does the same, and soon we're leaving the restaurant. My plan is to go with him to his house and then make my way to the secret cabin my mother left me, to find my friends and my ex, planning our next steps even though I can't imagine what the future holds for us at the moment.