#and huge thanks you guys
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Since tomorrow's my birthday, I'm prepping a few things to release on that same day. Even if it's my day, technically, I just want to celebrate with you guys and give back to the fandom that's been so kind and welcoming to me. Luv y'all 💕
(also feel free to fill my inbox with some birthday wishes if you like!)
#rayllum#tdp callum#tdp rayla#upcoming fic#my fics#fic: i'll give you my life from now till forever#fic: it always was it was always her#and mayhaps an amv#we'll see 😏#but tons of cool stuff either way#and huge thanks you guys#the amount of friends I've found in this community is incredible#thatartist rambles
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“Though I never thought that it would come to this…”
#tagamemnon#epic the musical#the odyssey#greek mythology#epic the musical fanart#penelope of ithaca#penelope#odypen#a huge thanks to everyone who helped me decide on her ear type on my poll#i honestly wasn’t sure how webbed ears would turn out#but I’m happy with the result#and i hope y’all like it too#PENELOPE IS WAITING ODYSSEUS#SOMEONE GET THE MAN HOME#also do you guys think i should change her jewelry from gold to silver?? but i didn’t want her to seem too similar in color scheme to athena#i dunno
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Dungeon Meshi: The RPG
#Dungeon Meshi#laios touden#marcille donato#chilchuck tims#senshi#animation#game dev diary#Please give a huge hand to my coding partner#who labored for over two weeks to figure out how to implement reaction animation for the battle icons.#You may also notice that I updated the battle portraits from my previous post! New and (mostly) improved!#The death screens were not changed because I didn't think they'd get used for this video.#But Chilchuck getting one-shotted and leaving due to this being outside of his pay? Accidental comedy gold.#The full sprite (I didn't realize the bottom third would be hidden) says: “NOT PAID FOR THIS”#And yeah he's smoking. He gets a smoke break as part of his contract. Let a guy have his vices. He's teetering on a divorce.#Dungeon Meshi would be a fun rpg in theory but it would need to have immersive mechanics like cooking and foraging.#And hunger and fatigue and other status effects.#A slightly more lighthearted fear and hunger sort of game.#But that is for some other fan to do. This is just a fun tech demo for us to learn RPG maker!#So...with this mini-project concluded#we now have a foundation we can pass over to our actual game!#Next game dev post will be some game assets (probably busts and battle icons for the main party)#And after that! Most likely some more sprite sheets (I have made a few more since my first attempt)#Thank you for everyone who has been rooting us on since I started talking about this project. It means a ton B'*)
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councilor 3D model
i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up to bring him to life. he's yours now. do whatever you want with him
[link]
please credit me if you make something using the model (or even ping/link me to it, i would love to see what you made!)
currently available as a .blend, .fbx and an SFM port.
#hello councilnation i'm finally releasing him to the wild#have fun playing toys with him#ultrakill#councilor#councilor ultrakill#3d stuff#obviously with the councilor having just 1 full body image of him means that some stuff i had to improvise on#so you get to enjoy my headcanons on how he looks#(like obviously the wings & halo)#(but also the chestplate design)#but did you know that the councilor's canon design has subtle engravings on his forearm armor pieces?#i only barely noticed them when painting textures and i was floored#i had to add them#to the sfm anon and whoever else wants to use this for sfm stuff-#i did my best with a port for sfm and i'm quite proud of the result#but please be aware i have never used it before so if you find that something doesn't work as it should please please let me know!!#gonna pour my heart out in tags as always so close your eyes if you don't wanna see me being sentimental but#i'm not kidding when i say i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up for this#i have meddled with blender before but never actually came close to finishing a project#and i don't know how i did it and how i kept going#(i do know) (it was my friend encouraging me every time i showed him progress)#this was like 1 entire month in the making#but i'm so fucking proud of this and how it turned out and people's tags in my act 2 render genuinely were such a huge confidence boost#so thank you guys for liking it <3#i'm still very much thinking of doing a version with just his bloodied head#but it might take a while because i want a break and i want to play warframe
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When I saw you making For the Spirits art I was so excited, wow, one of my favourite artists is reading this too, how nice!! Then I realised you’re actually the author and I just want to ask, how?? Are you so talented???? I love this fic and I love your art so so much, thank you for sharing it all with us. Can’t wait for the next update!!
Ah, thank you! This is literally so sweet! For the Spirits (adding a link for the curious folks out there!) is my love child. This project owns my heart and soul, and it's truly so rewarding that you like it! I want to sketch so many different scenes, really, but I'm doing my best to give you some quality artwork of my favorite moments in the story. It's a slow process.
As for next chapter—soon! I'm working on some sketches for this particular scene, and I am so excited to share it with everyone! Things start to pick up from here... But, for now, have a (very little) sneak peek ❤️
Zuko stood at the end of the world, surrounded by miles of snow and the resounding echo of his own shallow breaths. He took everything in, closed his eyes to receive Agni’s light, and howled.
Something howled back, and he smiled.
#dema answers#atla#avatar the last airbender#zuko#atla fanart#prince zuko#atla art#atla fic#atla fanfic#new gods au#for the spirits#spirit touched zuko#atla zuko#the painted lady#Izumi of Jang Hui#lu ten atla#lu ten#Royal Guard Ming#atla ming#Ghost Lu Ten#*insert creepy noises*#Isn't it fun how Lu Ten doesn't really look like a ghost at all?#In ATLA spirits (in terms of soul projection or whatever that's called) are these shiny blue semi-transparent souls...#But that's not really how they work in FTS. A HUGE part of Zuko's struggle with his “gift” comes from his inability to...#...distinguish spirits and ghosts from living humans. At least at first. He's much better at it now.#But I digress#He's experiencing The Terrors and I love him for it#Putting this story together and bringing to life is so important to me! I always wonder how you guys will receive FTS.#Thank you so much for all the love#As for the story itself... Keep an eye out for next chapter. That little bit I shared is actually quite important 👀
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Pac: [Aimsey] is a friend of Fit's, right? I was with Fit at the event, at TwitchCon, and Fit introduced me to her. I'm excited to see her again, this person was participating in Purgatory 2, too!
Pac: ALSO— she's learning Portuguese! She's learning several words in Portuguese. She trains almost every day in Duolingo, she does some really cool learning live with Portuguese Duolingo, I highly recommend it. If you don't know her Twitch channel, follow her, she makes a lot of great content. So much that there was even a clip I saw recently– and I thought it was really funny. It was her translating the word "a salada" (salad) and in this case – you know that in Portuguese, it is "a salada" but the salad is feminine, right? It's "a salada" but she only put "salada" and then there was a moment that I saw in the clip where she said "NO! The salad's pronoun is she!"
Pac: Very good, man, very good, very good man. Did you see it? This clip was– it was very funny. She even said it like this: "His pronouns are she/her!" It's kinda of funny that she started it with "his", right?
(NOTE: Although Aismey uses all pronouns, Portuguese doesn't have an official or unanimously chosen word for neutral pronouns, so Pac uses "ela" for them, which is reflected in the translations!)
#Pactw#Pac#AimesyTV#Aimsey#HUGE thank you to @rosettafinsternis for double-checking my translations! Thank you!#March 21 2024#Liar Liar#Edited#Translated#Subtitles#Hope this gives you guys a laugh :D#Portfolio
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don't you forget about me (part eight; final)
(part one)(part two)(part three)(part four)(part five)(part six)(part seven) (ao3 link)
It was an “if” if Eddie would actually be discharged today, but now, after some more poking and prodding, he's finally on his way home with prescriptions for pain meds and physical therapy.
Wayne helps him up the three creaky, beautifully familiar stairs into the trailer, and Eddie collapses onto the old, beautifully familiar couch the second he gets inside. The weary groan he lets out is only slightly over-dramatized. “I feel like an 80 year old man,” he complains, entire body sore and aching to the bone already. “Now I know how you feel.”
“Oi, I ain't that old,” Wayne protests. When Eddie snorts derisively, Wayne rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Alright, fine, so we both got creaky knees now. You, at least, will be young and spry again in no time, though,” his uncle tells him. “Just get some rest, old man.”
Eddie heaves a great big sigh, takes another breath to steel himself, and then does just the opposite of that.
“What did I just say?” Wayne mutters as Eddie moves to stand again.
“I said I’d call Steve,” Eddie says. Steve had to go to work, but he'd told Eddie that morning to call him if he ended up making it home today. “I’ll dip out of work and come hang out, help you settle in, if you want,” Steve had said.
Wayne offers, “I can call him for you.”
“No, no, I got it,” Eddie insists, words broken by a grunt as he hauls himself back to his feet. “I can make it to the phone, Wayne, I'm not a complete invalid.”
“Alright.” Wayne raises his hands in defeat and backs off. He’s never been one to hover. “You just shout if you need me.”
Eddie limps - slowly, painfully, with difficulty - to the phone on the wall by the tiny dining table they never use, the surface littered instead with unopened mail and haphazard papers scribbled with notes and reminders and important phone numbers. He leans heavily against the table as he paws through the piles trying to find a note of Steve's number. Eddie finds it buried deep, probably long since memorized by now before his memory got erased, but there it is: a notepad paper with Steve's name scrawled on it and two phone numbers written underneath, home and work.
“Bingo.” Eddie grabs the paper, takes the phone off the hook, and dials the work number.
The phone rings a couple times, and then: “Family Video. How can I help you?”
“Hey, Stevie.” Eddie smiles at the sound of his voice, as if he hadn't literally just heard it only a few hours ago.
“Eddie!” Steve's bored customer service voice brightens. “Are you home? How are you feeling?”
“Yeah, I’m home. I’m alright. I mean, I’m bone-fucking-tired and feel about a million years old, but it's really really good to be back,” Eddie says honestly. He adds, “I’m under strict orders to rest, though - gonna be bored out of my mind, so I could use the company if you were serious about ditching work for me.”
“Of course I was serious,” replies Steve. “It's a slow day today anyways.”
Eddie grins. “Get your sweet ass over here then.”
A smile is evident in Steve's voice too. “I'll be there in ten.”
Eddie hangs up, tries his best to wipe this stupid lovesick grin off his face. He stumbles his way down the hall to his room next, flicking on some music from the cassette player on his dresser and looking around. His room is just as beautifully familiar as the rest of the trailer, not much changed from the way he last remembers it. The same music and D&D shit clutter his surfaces, the same posters clutter his walls. His bed is unmade, clothes litter the floor, same as always.
The only differences: his beloved electric guitar no longer hangs on the wall by the mirror (he was told, devastatingly, that she hadn't survived her trip to the Upside Down), and there are photographs he doesn't recognize taped up around the corners of that mirror. Eddie staggers over to get a closer look, only to first be momentarily jumpscared by his own reflection. His face is pale, eyes sunken, and his hair frizzes out in a greasy, tangled mess around his head, unwashed and unbrushed for who knows how long. Gross, but whatever. He manages to ignore his sickly appearance and inspects the pictures he had apparently deemed important enough to stick to the edges of his mirror.
There are photos of Eddie smiling with Hellfire and his band and the kids, in large groups and small groups, with old friends he remembers and newer ones he doesn't quite. But what catches his attention the most is a photobooth strip of him and Steve. The first picture shows the two of them grinning, arms slung around each other’s shoulders; the second, a silly face photo, Eddie sticking out his tongue and Steve crossing his eyes; the third, Eddie giving Steve devil horns while Steve laughs; and the fourth-
Eddie plucks the strip off the mirror, stumbles, so taken aback he trips over his own lame feet until he plops down heavily onto his bed, and he stares. He stares at the last image in the row, which depicts - clear as day and undeniably real, immortalized in ink on photo paper - Steve kissing Eddie, tender hand on his cheek, both of them smiling against each other’s lips.
He stares and he stares and he stares. And the longer he stares the more he can almost feel it, taste it, see the events of that photo strip playing out in his mind’s eye like a waking dream. Like a memory.
~
Steve pulls up to the trailer, the one with the metal music blaring from somewhere inside that announces to the whole park that Eddie Munson is back home. He smiles at the sound, gets out of his car and bounds toward it.
It's Wayne who lets him in when Steve knocks on the door. “He's in his room,” the older man tells him as he steps aside to let Steve in. “Make sure he's stayin’ off his feet, will you? ‘Cause lord knows he won't listen to me.”
“Yeah, I got it,” Steve says, and his tone and his smile say I got him. Wayne nods.
Steve makes his way down the hall to Eddie’s room. He raps his knuckles against the door first, but he doubts that can even be heard over the music so he pushes it open without waiting for a response. “Hey, Ed-” Steve starts, only to falter when he sees Eddie sitting statue-still on the edge of his bed, eyes boring holes into a photo strip of the two of them together. “Oh.”
Eddie blinks, expression unreadable as he looks up and over at Steve. “Why didn't you tell me?”
“I-” Steve doesn't know what to say, what he should say. His veins buzz with a nauseating mix of hope and anxiety and it's making him feel a bit sick. He takes a deep breath, turns down the music so he can think. “I wanted to. I just- I thought it would freak you out. You didn't know me. I didn't want to force anything on you.”
“So…we were together,” Eddie says slowly. “For how long?”
“Since July.” Steve’s desperately searching Eddie’s face for something, anything, to clue him in to what Eddie’s thinking or feeling right now. “Are- are you freaked out? Because you look a little freaked out.”
“I’m not freaked out,” Eddie says, and it's almost convincing. “I'm just…processing.”
“Oh-kay…” Steve breathes out, leaning cautiously against the doorframe, still hovering by the exit just in case Eddie decides he doesn't want him there anymore once he's finished processing.
“I’ve, uh-” Eddie looks back down at the photo strip he holds in his hands and takes a breath. “I’ve been remembering some things, you know, little things - in dreams - about us. But I- I thought I just had a crush or something, because I thought if all of that was real, if we had really been that happy - that…in love - then you would've said something. You would've told me.”
When Eddie's eyes meet his again, Steve realizes he'd misread his expression before. Eddie's not freaked, he's upset, hurt, not because of what he's learned but because it was kept from him. Of all the worst-case scenarios Steve's spiraling mind had come up with over the past couple weeks, he had not considered this one. So preoccupied with his own angst over being forgotten and fear of being unwanted, Steve hadn't thought to consider that him hiding the true nature of their past might make Eddie feel unwanted too. That's the last thing Steve wants; the ache of that trumps any other ache he feels.
“Eddie, I’m sorry. I just- you didn't know me, and I panicked; I didn't think, or-or I thought too much, but I should've just told you.” Steve pushes off from the doorway and goes to sit beside Eddie, because he can't stand Eddie looking at him with those big doe eyes and not being close to him. He leaves a bit of space, barely holds himself back from taking hold of Eddie's hand. “Because it was real, all the things you've been remembering. It was real- it is real, and I’m so sorry I didn't tell you.”
Eddie is uncharacteristically quiet for a moment. His gaze flicks him up and down and across his face, and then Eddie grabs him, hands dropping the photo strip to instead clutch at Steve's cheek and jaw as he pulls him in and kisses him. As their lips slide together, familiar, the both of them sigh into the kiss. Steve feels a bursting in his heart, so similar to the way it felt the very first time they’d done this: the giddiness of reciprocation, the intuition that this is right.
When Eddie pulls back after a few long moments, something is changed, something returned. Steve watches Eddie’s eyes flutter open; and when they do, for the first time since he'd woken up in that hospital bed, Eddie sees him, knows him, loves him.
“How could I ever have forgotten that?” Eddie says, almost whispered, running his thumb across Steve's cheekbone. “How could I ever have forgotten you?”
Steve could cry. Tears made of relief and joy blur his vision, because Eddie is looking at him with all the tenderness he'd been missing these past weeks, the painful emptiness of before now filled. It's all back. His Eddie is back. Steve pitches forward and hugs him bodily. Eddie returns the embrace; Steve sinks into his arms and it feels like coming home.
He closes his misty eyes, buries his face in the crook of Eddie's neck and the tangles of his hair, and he breathes him in, clinging onto him like Eddie might just disappear if Steve ever let go. Eddie holds him just as close, one arm wrapped firm around Steve's waist while his other hand cradles the back of Steve's head and strokes his hair. Steve soaks in every touch, feels every place where they are pressed against each other, so warm and safe and loving after so long without it. He is whole again in the arms of the man he loves.
“I missed you,” Steve mutters, lips brushing against the skin of Eddie's neck as he speaks, muffled.
“I know, Stevie,” Eddie murmurs, “my Stevie, I’m so sorry.”
“S’okay. It wasn't your fault,” Steve mumbles, and he thinks maybe they both need to stop apologizing for this.
Eddie must think the same, because he says, “And it wasn't yours either,” like he knows every twisted, guilty thought that's been haunting Steve lately and he absolves him of them. He tugs gently at Steve’s hair to get him to lift his head and look him in the eyes. “You know that, right?”
“Yeah, I know,” Steve says quietly. Eddie reaches up to brush from his cheek a tear Steve didn't even know had fallen, and as he wipes it away he wipes away everything - all blame, all fear, all pain. Eddie had forgotten him, and it sucked, but now he remembers again, and none of that matters anymore. Steve hangs onto Eddie's wrist. “Just-” His voice rasps with emotion, making it rougher. “Don't you ever forget about me again.”
It's not a promise that can be made with any certainty - anything can happen at any time, just as unexpectedly as it had this time - but Steve doesn't need certainty, he just needs to hear the words, and Eddie gives that to him. “I won't, darling,” he vows, with gentle reassurance. “Never again.”
“Good,” Steve sighs, turning his head into Eddie's hand to press a kiss to the palm.
The last of his heavier emotions drain out of him then and now he can feel the joy of Eddie's return in its whole entirety. As he rolls his face out of Eddie's hand and settles his eyes on the beautiful boy in front of him, a grin begins to spread across Steve's face; Eddie's smile grows in tandem with his, like he's smiling just because Steve is. Steve says, giddy in full now, “You're back.”
“Yeah,” Eddie says, lovely and bright, ducking to bump his forehead against Steve's. “I'm back.”
Steve lets go of Eddie's wrist to tangle a hand in his hair, and he tilts his head up to kiss him again, just because he can, because he's making up for lost time. They draw each other in close once more, lips and bodies moving against each other, easy and natural. Steve could stay right here like this forever, never wants to stop holding him or stop kissing him.
But a thought - a question - tickles at the base of Steve's skull, and when he does pull back he asks, hopeless romantic that he is, “Just in case - I mean, just so I know - what was it that brought your memory back? Was it like a…true love’s kiss breaking the spell sort of thing?”
Eddie laughs, gives Steve another quick peck like he always does when Steve says something endearing. “Not quite, Prince Charming,” he responds with a grin so fond Steve thinks his heart might burst. “It was more like…the things I had remembered were just dreams to me, shallow and unreal, but kissing you was like an anchor, a reminder that allowed those dreams to sink in as proper memories and become real.”
“So…basically it was true love’s kiss,” Steve says cheekily, just to hear Eddie’s laugh again, just to receive another affectionate press of Eddie's lips against his.
“Yeah, sure,” Eddie concedes, smilingly, never one not to indulge whimsy, “we can call it that.” But then he amends, with a little less levity, “It wasn't exactly a magic cure-all, though. It didn't bring everything back, there are still gaps in my memory.” He looks at Steve with eyes like pools of melted chocolate, soft and endless. “But I remember that I love you; I remember that much.”
And Steve tells him, “That's enough," and he pulls him in for another true love's kiss.
THE END. taglist: @romanticdestruction @daydreamsandcrashingwaves @paintsplatteredandimperfect @hallucinatedjosten @mugloversonly @estrellami-1 @alongcomesaspider @thatonebadideapanda @tell-me-a-secret-a-nice-one @dragonmama76 @wxrmland @nuggies4life @sirsnacksalot @myguiltyartpleasure @lolawonsstuff @marklee-blackmore @vinteraltus @sebastiansstanswhore @0happyeverafter0 @scarlet-malfoy @hotluncheddie @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @emsgoodthinkin @alyelf @warlordess @stevesbipanic @lil-gremlin-things @rockandrolodex @badcaseofcasey @bat-outta-hel @fandomcartographer @manda-panda-monium @littlewildflowerkitten @giopandaonice @mightbeasleep @queenie-ofthe-void @krazyperson @worldofshea @marvel-ous-m @tartarusknight @a-little-unsteddie @xenon-demon @goodolefashionedloverboi @xxsky-shockxx @mc-i-r @bookbinderbitch @aspenshade88 @slowandsteddie @thedragonsaunt @daydreaming-mood @space-invading-pigeon @irregular-child @a-lovely-craziness (continued in replies)
#and that's all folks!#endings are so hard for me but i hope you guys like this one#huge huge thank you to everyone who's followed along; all the love and support on this has been insane and i am so grateful <3#steddie#steddie fic#steddie fanfiction#steddie fanfic#eddie munson#steve harrington#stranger things#fanfic#mine#dyfamsteddiefic
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🚫 My Sonic Big Bang 2024 Experience
...Or how a few months of my life were severely negatively impacted by someone else's bad management. See for yourself.
Proof of the rule they're speaking about being actively hidden from the participants to this day: FAQ – archived link, screenshot with "Who can participate?" on top, screenshot with "explicit" word search, screenshot with "nsfw" word search; Master Guide – screenshot with "explicit" word search, screenshot with "nsfw" word search; server rules – long screenshots of General Server Rules and StH Big Bang Specific Rules: Mar 12 and Jul 01, screenshots of Strike Policy: Mar 12 and Jul 01, long screenshot of General Guidelines, long screenshot of Collaboration Thread Guidelines.
I feel like this is extremely unfair 😭 One moment I was participating in the event I dreamed about for years, and the next moment I'm thrown out into the cold when I did nothing wrong. I need to get it off my chest...
Below, more about my experience with the event, though it ended up a little vent-y, a detailed (and verified!) record of what exactly happened in private thread #48, the aftermath and some fun facts I discovered or want to share:
First things first! Yep, I signed up for Sonic BB as a Writer back in January. I didn't talk about it outside of my server 'cause I wanted it to be a surprise – when I roll out a lo-o-ong illustrated fic without a warning. I'll admit, I always wanted to participate in a Big Bang for this fandom, it was a dream of sorts. And still, before sending my form in, I carefully read all of the Master Guide and the FAQ both. Seeing as how for my neurodivergent brain the rules and regulations are important, that's what I usually do for events, and this one wasn't an exception. Confident that I understand what the event would require of me, I signed up.
First month of the event went well. My questions were answered (even though I wondered why some of the things I asked couldn't have been in the Master Guide from the beginning), I wrote my fic summary and submitted it without many problems, etc. There was a small hiccup at the very beginning of March when I noticed how strict the management seemed to be (no changes or adjustments allowed), and my anxiety got the best of me, so I asked the mods if there's a plan in case a collab team doesn't work out: screenshot of my message in #writers-info-and-questions, pulled from my Discord data; screenshot of my detailed explanation in DMs; screenshot of Mod Joy's reply. Here are the most important quotes from his reply:
I understand wanting to plan for the worst case scenarios, but I would caution you not to freak yourself out over what all could go wrong! There are some absolutely lovely artists in this event who are excited to work with the writers. Odds are, things will go off without a hitch.
We are highly encouraging that no one drops out after the assignments, especially writers, unless due to extenuating circumstances.
We want to make everything as fun and stress-free for everyone. Know that we will be around to moderate threads and dissolve any tensions that arise,..
In short, I was placated with reassurances of careful moderation, not dropping writers and ✨positivity✨. I decided to stay and challenge myself since originally BB is meant to be a challenge and all...
For those of you who haven't participated: the way it is supposed to go is that writers submit short summaries of their stories, these summaries are stripped of the writers' names and given to artists to pick through. The artists then have to list their Top 10 stories to illustrate during the claims period. After the claims, private collab threads are made for each writer and their artists with a couple of mods. So no one else could see what happens in these threads.
Now flashforward to March 11th and the threads being created. Obviously I don't have screenshots of that due to being kicked off the server without any warning and before any chance of communication, unable to delete my personal information or save anything that might be used against me which was a case of poor management at best and a deliberate move at worst, so I'm retelling as faithfully as possible. It also has been verified by [artist 1] and according to them, this is exactly what happened.
My fic was in the 4-8k range, and I got two artists. I was asleep when the thread opened, and they talked about how excited they are for my fic before I came in. Both of them are 18, young but adults. I’ll call them [artist 1] (they're cool), and the other one is [artist 2]. Both artists seemed to talk to me normally.
Oh, I have to point out that there were hmm, Mods Chaz, Joy, Summers and Frostios in my thread. I think only four of them, but I know for sure Mod Summers was reading our conversation at least in the beginning because I noticed my fic's Warnings saying "None" (the original summary I submitted had Warnings: Discussion of Homophobia, Slight Internalised Homophobia), and I pointed out that there are warnings, though I don't know if they were lost just now or weren't in the sheet available to the Artists either, and whether they were actually lost or mods didn't consider it a big enough warning to keep... I still don't know. Mod Summers just silently pinned my message.
I mentioned how I'm in one of the Asian timezones geographically, so I might be awake or asleep at unconventional times, and they told me their timezones (I didn't ask!), so I figured I can make a timebuddy chart for easy tracking what time it is for everyone. Made one, sent the link to the thread, Mod Summers asked me if I want it pinned, too, and then a couple of hours later (I think?) [artist 1] came and said it's very helpful. This is my evidence for at least Mod Summers probably reading the conversation that followed but also maybe not. I think all of the mods were online or at least visually online when it was happening.
This is where I reveal that the entire conversation happened in like... one afternoon 🥲 Roughly 7 pm to 2 am for me.
Back to the conversation itself. There were a few questions I had so I started with them, basically 1) if they've read my fics before (explained that I'm asking so I know whether I need to tell them about my writing style and Sonadow dynamics I write); 2) do they want me to send in scenes as I write them or they want a full draft; 3) if they have any immediate questions for me. Question 1) is what we need. Both of them said they've never read my stuff before, and that they don't have any questions now but they want art to be as close to text as possible, so they will ask in the future. This is how it went down after (as per my memory, artist rendition I guess):
[artist 1]: I haven't read your fics but I'd like to! Your Ao3 is the same as your handle? [no link]
Me: It isn't a requirement, you don't have to! But that's right. I have to warn you though that I usually rate my Ao3 profile as 18+ when I link it, though 33/36 of my Sonic fics are rated G and T, and I feel like a warning is in order anyway so people don't accidentally stumble upon something they don't want to see and know what to avoid/filter out. [I didn't post any links or encouraged the artists to read my profile, just made a warning to be cautious]
We go into discussion of how long I have been writing, [artist 1] shows no problems with knowing my Ao3 has 3 Mature fics, I describe what series my fic will be for [the series is completely SFW, and even then I didn't post the link to it] and go into details of how I write Sonadow dynamics in my fics without mentioning the NSFW ones obviously, we speak about Question 2).
[artist 2]: [replying to my warning about my Ao3] ooohh so you write gore sometimes?
Me: Nah, I don't actually, I'm pretty uncomfortable with it tbh, so no, I don't. Some blood and a quick description of Maria's dead body is the most I have ever done 😅 All the angst I make characters go through is emotional rather than physical!
[artist 2]: oh I shouldn't have assumed, sorry. It's just the first thing my mind went to
Me: It's okay! I've been a medical student at some point and I think I've just had enough of that - one of the main reasons I'm not a doctor but a linguist.
[artist 1] gets excited about this for some reason, and we chat about it for a moment.
Normal conversation continues like...
Me: Okay, where were we
[artist 2]: i wasn't paying attention errr
Me: Me neither! But it's Question 3)
I go into saying how them wanting to draw as close to the text is 💯 what I wanted to hear because for me my texts are an extension of my soul, I'm fragile about them, and I'd prefer the art to be exactly according to it blah-blah-blah, I describe my thoughts about a plan of work for us and how I'm going to share pieces of my fic according to their respective wishes.
[artist 1]: Sounds great!
[artist 2]: yeah, sounds good
[artist 1] says something else which I just react with an emoji to, and I start getting ready for sleep because it's almost 2 am, and I have to get up at 6 am.
Nothing else was said in the thread. That's it.
I got to bed and as most people nowadays I check my phone one last time. I see [artist 2] requesting a mod they can DM to, but I don't think much of it…
So 6 am. I wake up and again, as most people nowadays, I check my phone. I went to sleep in a good mood, seemingly in good relations with my artists, excited for the collab and having a solid plan everyone agreed to, so I eagerly open Discord to see if they wrote anything new in the thread. I see no Sonic Big Bang 2024 server.
I will not go into too much detail about my state, but I have an extremely acute reaction to stress very similar to a panic attack that lasts for hours. So with shaking fingers I open my DMs to see the message from that first screenshot I started my post with. The following exchange with me learning about the hidden rule happens the next day. Unfortunately, before that I still have to go to work for a full day in that very same mental state, oof. Plus I have no breaks on Tuesday... I go back and forth all day with my friends about how shitty this situation is, and one of them asks me how [artist 1] reacted. I say that I don't know, but they still follow me on Tumblr so I go and message them, and from what they tell me, it sounds like a mod pretended to them that I was removed because of an existing rule that's stated somewhere. They didn't argue with that, and that's understandable of course.
At home, I notice one of the event mods blocked me.
It is difficult to explain what's happening in my mind without going into details of what my [disorders] are, but things that are unfair, things that are injustice put my brain in a loop until all wrongs are righted. I'm ranting about it to friends, and I think about it day and night. On March 14th I vent about it in the tags of a related reblog, and this is the only instance of me talking about StH BB on my blog. Next morning I'm blocked by the event blog and over the next 2 weeks – by two more mods, while another mod speaks to me passively-aggressively in a shared Discord server. Then I'm shown a screenshot where one of the mods claims I offered my Ao3 to my artists (I didn't) and implies everyone who writes NSFW is dangerous. And then I receive a hate ask about the event, calling me "creepy"... All this time, my brain is still stuck in a loop, and let me tell you – it's not fun. It doesn't help that my first reaction to everything that makes me feel bad is always to assume I'm at fault for everything, and seeing how hostile people are to me, I'm drowning in self-blame. Without going into any more detail, it takes me 2 months and a lot of help to somewhat recover, so I finally send my reply to Headmod Chaz and receive one back:
If you got to this part, you know that half of Headmod Chaz's reply is simply untrue since there were no "multiple instances", and in any case I was never asked to keep quiet about my ban (and why should I?). I sent another reply a month later expressing my confusion and wondering when the messages will be removed (only my intro was removed). As of today, that reply is still ignored, and the messages aren't removed 🤷
And this is the entirety of my Sonic Big Bang 2024 experience. Now for some Q&A:
Why did you wait so long to make this post? I didn't want to put any participants under fire, particularly my friends because I'll admit, the mods seem like petty people. And also I was worried about throwing shade on other participants (people associating their works with this) or spoiling the event for people who were genuinely having fun with it. Thus, I waited until it was over!
Is this a callout post? According to definition as "public criticism or asking someone to explain their actions", I think it is – in terms of calling out bad management. It is definitely not a call for harassment. There is a reason I censored some names and left vague who reported me, blocked me, was hostile to me or spread rumours about me. Please don't bother anyone, and if the mods decide to engage with this, they can post their own statement.
Aside from the above reasons, why make a post at all? Two reasons: a personal one and an altruistic one. Firstly, I hope to get closure this way since I still feel like I was unjustly thrown away when I was just being a dutiful person. Secondly, while Headmod Chaz said they will be transparent about this rule next time they run an event, as you can see they fully ignored my suggestion of doing it now, and in general keeping a rule hidden to such an extent where you lie in your FAQ is pretty shady... I don't trust them not to do it again next year.
Is it okay to reblog the post/reply to it, what about sending an ask or a PM? Yes to all. I don't expect anyone to reblog, though if you think it's necessary, go on. I'm posting it to the event tags, so-o I think people who need to see it – will see it. If you decide to be negative or call me names, however, be prepared to be blocked by IP or username.
Finally, fun facts as promised 🔥
There are other participants out there who have had negative experiences with BB or were made uncomfortable by the way it was managed, but I'm not going to speak for them;
There was this whole thing with hypocrisy and possible favouritism;
Despite the mods insisting on ME being quiet about my ban, it's now known that they shared information about it outside the mod group;
Out of 6 mods: 5 have me blocked, 2 were passive-aggressive with 1 of them going as far as verbally lash out at me in DMs, and only 1 mod gave me a human apology (not pictured in screenshots);
I saw 3 NSFW writers and at least 2 NSFW artists participating in BB just by scrolling through my dash, without seeking them out, and this is not counting people I noticed in the server prior to me being banned;
Some people are posting Mature and Explicit extras and sequels/prequels to their BB stories already;
The artist who reported me seems to have dropped out anyway;
There's a joke reason why I'm making a post, too: I have to earn being blocked from the event blog since they said they did it because of multiple instances of me talking about my removal;
I'm actually grace and most of the time write my characters as aspec, and I'm exploring what sexuality and intimacy mean for me through writing, so this situation felt a little... like gatekeeping;
My fic was #48 under the title Chao Care 101, and I want you to give me a high five if you had it among your top choices 🖐
Originally, I wasn't going to complete my BB fic because it made me feel bad, but now I've decided I want to reclaim it, so I'm writing it now. Almost 8k words at the moment. It will be published. And it will be illustrated;
Meanwhile, what came out of this disaster is Sonic Supernova 2025, and I recommend you all to keep an eye out for this inclusive Big Bang-like event 🌟
#Sonic series#Sonic#StH#Sonic the Hedgehog#sthbigbang#Sonic Big Bang#Sonic Big Bang 2024#fandom event#sonysakura being talkative#I won't be tagging the ship or my series#But yes Chao Care 101 is the prequel to my fluffy Married Hedgehogs series#🗡 My Hardships Under the Merciless Big Bang Rule 🗡#<- tag courtesy of one of my friends#Sounds like an anime title ngl#Huge thank you to all of my friends and friendlies who peer-reviewed most of my messages to the mods and this post as well#who supported me and listened to me vent for months on end#who talked me out of being reckless and doing things I might regret#Guys you're the best 🥹#100 notes#Well this is going well better than me expected
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*fat person being depicted in a desirable way*
Peoples reaction for some reason: im not sure if I should look at this? Is this okiee?? can you tell me if I should feel icky about this or no? 🥺👉👈 i can not think for myself uwu
thank you for saying what I wasn’t strong enough to type out. yeah real I fear
#blakemail#also giggled at this tbh thank u#honestly even taking aside everything else you should be able to tell if you find something a portrayal you like or not#are you guys putting in the same type of scepticism when you see any other type of erm.#“”suspiciously drawn art””#huge HUGE quotation marks around this btw
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Scenario for a Batman Identity Reveal™-
Takes place before Batman has revealed his identity. The rest of the JL know each other's identities, except Batman's. They've just received news of a threat against Bruce Wayne.
Maybe a rogue or an intergalactic enemy or someone has found out that Bruce Wayne funds a majority of the League and thinks that killing him will severely weaken it. Fair enough, I mean it's easier to kill a civilian known to be an idiot as compared to the greatest heroes, right?
So now obviously the JL feel obligated to protect him. They don't particularly want to do it, and usually they'd just set up police protection, but everyone knows how corrupt Gotham police are, and Wayne is being targeted bc of them. They'd ask Batman, but he only comes out at night and has publicly expressed disdain for Bruce. So they've got to do it themselves.
They take it in shifts, and while Wayne seems very welcoming on the outside, it's a little obvious that he doesn't want them poking around his house. In addition, the first night they were on shift, Batman gave them a very strict warning about what is and isn't allowed in his city. He tried to get them to leave, but they overruled him.
At first, Bruce spends all his time acting like an air headed idiot, flirting with everyone that tries to talk to him and refusing to cooperate bc he doesn't believe the threat. 'Coincidently', he's always in the room every time one of them try to talk to talk to any of his children.
Then as time passes, he lets his guard down. They start to see a gentle, kind, Bruce Wayne whose children are his entire world, not token trophies. He speaks in a soft voice, one made out of cotton and clouds. He cares about the underprivileged in Gotham and genuinely works to make life better for them. He's smart and actually involved in his company. He's also incredibly slippery and tries very very hard to lose their tail at all times. The only reason they can keep up with him at all is because most of them have special powers.
One day, while they're trying to look for him after he's lost them yet again, he gets kidnapped. The entire JL rushes to find him and rescue him before the person they've come to honestly respect and enjoy the company of gets murdered for trying to help them. They search for and reach the place he's being held after 2 days, only to find him tying up the criminals- who definitely all have broken bones- surrounded by the horde of younger Gotham vigilantes.
He turns to look at them and growls, "You're late. Civilian rescue time needs to be much shorter, these people weren't even experienced kidnappers. You're lucky it was me they were after otherwise you'd have found a corpse. We're running drills back at the watchtower."
They're all shocked because... that's Batman's voice?? Coming from the richest man alive, known playboy, not so known gentle father, BRUCE WAYNE??? BATMAN HASN'T EVEN BEEN OFF DUTY SINCE THEY BECAME BRUCE BODYGUARDS????
Turns out his children all ganged up on him and forced him to reveal his identity, especially since the JL had become friends with him both inside and outside the mask.
#after the reveal#the jl have to go back and watch all the videos of batman dissing bruce wayne in public#and then just silently live with the realisation that batman is a huge troll#4sh-n4#dc#justice league#dc comics#batman#bruce wayne#batman identity reveal#justice league were SHOCKED#and then very honoured to be trusted#just imagining Bruce silently tiptoeing around the manor to avoid all the super senses on watch for movement in the middle of the night#with 3 fractures: “haha guys good morning! i slept sooo well last night thank you for protecting me :)#(he has not seen the sun in a week got 2 hours of rest and is already planning 18 ways to either escape them or get them out of his house)
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so i heard it was a certain silly slug game's birthday
#yes i will keep harkening back to my first piece of rain world art all the time no you cant stop me#sorry i didnt have anything prepared for this </333#i forgoet.................#anyways shoutout this game for being one of the best games i never played#double shoutout the awesome community im so sorry i stopped. doing anything rain world but you guys always hold a special place in my heart#honestly pushed me to draw and create more at a weird time in my life so. huge thanks for that#i dunno why im actually giving some speech here i just really like rain world crazy that its. 7 years old. what.#how did that happen#rain world#rain world downpour#rainworld#slugcat#yeah we got the slugcat tag theres a lot of those guys here#various meanderings
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weird fucking animals in the sea tier list
big fin squid. what in the actual fuck is this?
2. phronima. inspired the face hugger from alien
3. big red jellyfish (thats its scientific name....)
4. squid worm???????? wtf is this monstrosity against god? (i love it)
5. frilled shark....just why?
6. barrel eye fish. its cute i guess but it looks so sad like a renaissance painting:( hey little guy cheer up you have lots of fans x
7. chained cat shark so cool but why tf is it in our ocean
8. japanese spider crab (i love this freaking thing but even a fan like me has got to admit this looks like a dark souls boss you'll die to 500 times before looking up various elemental tactics on reddit and gamefaqs.
9. bristle worms. they are sturdy to me ♥
10. blobfish...shes not that weird to me the thing thats weird is that people apperently eat it??? but folks will eat anything i swear to god. leave it alone its just a weird guy!!!!!!!
11. goblin shark. presented with no further explination. shark evolution is so fucked man
12. sixgill shark. he's back and hes coming in hot. i love his goofy ass
13. whatever in gods green earths name this is (black swallower, shes soooo real)
14. is it a tier ranking without me bringing up 12 squids? i dont think so. this here's a vampire squid, miss, a fine specimen for sure
15. gulper eel. ???
#thalassophobia#marine biology#most of these summarised: i hate it. its so cool i love it#now coming hot with 15 different weird guys to enjoy#i want to honor my roots and thank my followers from marine biology tumblr with a huge deal#you all probably know already about these<3 recommend me more weird guys for us to enjoy please#i should mention this post is sponsored by vegan propaganda#do NOT eat these. let them exist i love to see it<3
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Mushroom body
(for @mikkeneko)
#SVSSS#shen qingqiu#mushrooms#body horror#better drawn mdzs#<-tag for higher effort art. At times like this I really wish I chose something else.#What is an October raffle for if not to end off with a little mushroomy body horror?#This one is inspired by my massive disappointment upon discovering that sqq's 'mushroom body' was just....guy shaped.#Come ON where is the fun in that? Why are we being kept from Fungi Amalgamation Monster Loving?#It's not going to stop Luo Binghe! SQQ could be a shapeless lump of slime and LBH and would still be over the moon for him.#Thank you *so* much for the prompt! I had so much fun. I love mushrooms and doing research was a delight! My citation list is long!#Broke my style a bit but I think it was a good choice. I have been trying to practice non-dot eyes more and its slowly coming along!#Also huge congrats mikkeneko for winning Twice In A Row!!#Your odds were a little over 1 in 1000! Lucky you!
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the fact that all it took for those spineless cowards to back down was one rando (sorry dermy love you dermy but face of a franchise he is not) saying “no, you move” is so perfectly emblematic of who the league is and what that stand for (nothing).
#gav gab#fucking incredible thank you travis#one. ONE guy and they folded like wet tissue paper#but just#man he didn’t know that huh#that was a huge risk for a guy in a contract year making like#what - league min?#and i for one am never going to forget it
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LOTUSPEAR 5K DTIYS RESULT‼️‼️
ok i'm an entire month late but here are the results of this competition at last!! i would like to preface this by saying a big thank you to everyone who participated as this was my first time doing smt like this! i'm so glad it was met w so much participation and unique entries, and i genuinely cannot express enough gratitude for the ppl who submitted their version. seeing everyone's individual posts w the diverse amount of art styles and mediums was so cool and i loved each post sm!! so thank you for participating and for your support!! it really does mean the world to me!!
with that, without further ado, let me announce our winners...
FIRST PLACE: @latapadraws
I WAS ABSOLUTEY BLOWN AWAY BY NOT ONLY THE COMPOSITION BUT THE LIGHTING OF THIS PIECE. REALLY. MY JAW IS STILL ON THE FLOOR LOOKING AT IT. the warm golden and red glow like evening rays of sun is so gorgeous not to mention dazai's musing expression. hes soo beautiful in your style op he looks like he was carved from marble. so elegant and sharp.
SECOND PLACE: @thornedarrow, specifically @velaversal
bea oh my god i still get heart eyes whenever i see this. the fuchsia is so gorgeous it looks like whorls of fire and the marble effect of the background is so ethereal. the color palette and rendering in general just astounds me, i feel like i'm on another plane of existence looking at this.
THIRD PLACE: @kokoasci
koko!!!!! i'm always enamored by translucent feel of your pieces and it always looks like rose-tinted glass, i always want to break off a piece and let it melt on my tongue bc it looks so sweet and sugary. said this in the tags but the background also was incredible and dazai kind of reminded me of the mad hatter!! the coy expression, the dramatic pose, the whimsical pastel color palette, the tea spilling from the porcelain cups...100/10 for mood and storytelling
FOURTH PLACE: @sableeira
SABLEEEE OH MY GOD......LIKE WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN.......THIS WAS SUCH AN OUT OF BOX WAY TO LOOK AT THE OG PIECE.....AN ENTHRALLING INTERPRETATION. dazai being haunted by his former self, conveyed through the earthy color palette and dramatic lighting that ties the entire piece together. literally was blown away by how unique this entry was, absolutey incredible
FIFTH PLACE: @shrimpkini
shrimp i'm being so honest rn i want this as a poster and i want it hung on my wall bc my heart still stops every time i look at it. the hard light that casts dazai's entire face into shadow which highlights the red of his eye makes me rattle the bars of my cage every single time, not to mention the rimlight on his entire frame basking the piece is an eerie glow. phenomenal play of lighting. i'm swept off my feet.
#my sincerest aplogiest that this is so late i think everyone should be allowed to throw eggs at me#so glad that only one of the contestants is my irls so i don't get jumped next time i leave the house#anyway thank you so much again to everyone who participated!! it truly means a lot#and huge congrats to the winners you guys deserve it!!!!!!!‼️‼️#lotuspear5kdtiys
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inspo
The Righteous Gemstones | Keefe Chambers: Style Icon
+ Bonus:
#really wanted to call this 'keefe chambers serving cunt'#such a huge thank you to hannah#ilysm without you this post would not be possible#keefe chambers#the righteous gemstones edits#the righteous gemstones gifs#the righteous gemstones edit#the righteous gemstones#trg#trgedits#trgedit#me gifs#me shit#keefe#36 gifs later#shes done and im pretty happy about it#hes just my favorite little guy#like i love him so much and i want his wardrobe
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