#and his full name is like Dick Williamson

[youngbounty]

I’ve heard some criticisms of when this could’ve taken place and Damian having forgotten his pets. Something to understand is that the comic itself isn’t entirely blaming Damian. The narration is clearly speaking about the Bat Family as a whole. In the line, “They mean well, but their lives are complex,” it is talking about the Bat Family. Damian just happens to be the only one taking responsibility when his dad and family should’ve taken equally responsibility for letting Damian down.

It’s also clear this is an apology to the fans. When a comic apologizes to its fans for anything, it recognizes where the story went wrong. It only fails when it never did. So, let’s first ask the question: did any of the recent comics neglect to mention all the pets seen here? Yes. Even with their appearances lately, it’s often been Goliath during two separate occasions by Joshua Williamson.

The second thing to recognize is how these pets get into this situation. According to the comic, they were taken to a farm on the outskirts of Gotham. It clarifies that “Our people in Gotham rarely had time for us.” Again, the Bat Family (not Damian specifically), didn’t have time for them.

Next, it says that those at the farm spoke about scientific value before sending these pets to a bio-tech company. The people at the farm were likely those The Bat Family thought could be trusted. If we go by past continuity, we can likely assume the Bat Family that put the pets on that farm was likely Bruce or Dick. This is because during the events of Gotham War and Zurr Failsafe, the Vandal Savage buys off the Bat Cave and nothing is ever said about the pets. Even Batman leaves Jason alone after lobotomizing him.

Claiming this story is placing full blame on Damian is completely unfair and ignores any subtlety. It also ignores the terrible storylines that would have placed Damian in this situation. Damian would not have been able to care for his pets properly. The Bat Cave wasn’t there, he was being thrown between his father and brothers, his father was being possessed by Zurr-En-Arrh, Failsafe was making a mess of things and Damian had to depend on his family to do what he couldn’t at the moment. Is it fair to call it negligence just because that’s from his pets’ perspective or because Damian is the only one taking responsibility.

This storyline is creating a parallel to what happened with the pets and what’s been going on in DC. The name of the Bio-Tech, Morrison Bio-Tech, gives us a much deeper meaning to this apology. Just as the Bat Family have complex lives, so do the writers and artists at DC. We don’t know what goes on in DC and it’s easy to place the blame of bad writing to one writer instead of recognizing the whole DC company. If Damian represents the writer/artist and the people at the farm that sold his pets as DC heads, then this demonstrates that negligence over the DC story and characters aren’t often on the writers/artists alone.

I enjoyed this storyline personally. The only criticisms I’ve heard are the ones I’ve explained. Thankfully, it’s from a small minority, but still nitpicky to me.

[sickrentheadcanons]

1 New Message - Chapter 2

It was fair to say that Simon Williamson was unfamiliar with the concept of guilt. He had never been one for apologies, nor was he a blame-shifter; if there was one thing that could be said for Simon, he was always happy to hold his hands up and admit what he had done but would he apologise? Never. Guilt was not a regular feature in Simon's emotional cycle. Shit happens, you deal with it; 'The gig goes on.' but then so had his Grindr correspondence with Mark.

They spoke for hours, days, weeks even; both men completely and utterly enthralled with one another. Simon would skirt around the topic of “Face pics” and they would text about their day, what they were making for dinner, what their plans for the weekend were (Simon always quick with a lie... but then what was new?). Sometimes Simon wasn't sure why or how he had ever missed this side of Mark. He was sweet and clever and funny, genuinely funny. Simon had never found Mark funny, not really; he was just less of an irritating cunt than the rest of their friends. Simon tolerated Mark, or at least that's what he told himself as he sprawled across their sofa, phone in hand while he scrolled through their most recent conversation.

Mark was working another late shift behind the bar at The Mousetrap and while Simon would usually take advantage of an empty flat by finding a lassie to keep himself occupied, tonight was different. Tonight he was bored, bored of everything and everyone but Mark. He missed the wee ginger fuck and he'd only been gone two hours. Two hours wasn't that long and Simon was far from needy (regardless of what his Ma would tell you) but that was still two hours of radio silence on Grindr; not a single message since Mark had told David his shift was about to start, signing off with an amorous “Don't miss me too much.”

Si was fairly certain that he had learned more about Mark Renton (the real Mark Renton) in the past two and a half weeks than he ever had during their time together as friends. He had learned that Mark was a Pisces and actually believed in all that astrology bollocks, that his favourite colour was Orange but he couldn't stand the fruit. He learned that Mark suffered from anxiety, that he was medicated for it and that he never really felt comfortable enough to open up about it; not to his mates, not to his da, not to anyone. That one had hurt and Simon couldn't deny it. He knew he had no right to be offended, not when he was betraying Mark's trust the way he was but he couldn't bring himself to pull away now; not after weeks of sharing jokes, stories and intimate details about their... well, Mark's life. Almost everything Simon had divulged to Mark had been completely fabricated, too scared of being caught in the lie and held accountable; finally, a transgression that Simon Williamson wasn't completely nonchalant about having committed.

Simon had given up all hope of hearing from Mark for the evening, deciding instead to stop staring at his fucking phone and go to bed where he could at least mope somewhere warm and comfortable. He laid in the dark, eyes closed while his brain worked overtime; thoughts of how Mark was getting on at work at the forefront of his mind.

Was he enjoying his shift? Was he missing their conversation as much as Simon was? Was he thinking about 'David' at all? Was he flirting with anyone? 'Is the Mousetrap even ae buftie bar?' Simon wondered. He had never thought to ask; never really had a reason to.

He grabbed his phone, intending to google 'The Mousetrap, Leith' when curiosity took hold and he found himself opening Grindr for what he was sure was the 100th time that evening. It was becoming habitual and Si blamed his addictive personality. A smirk tugged at the corners of Simon's mouth when the app greeted him with a new message from Mark.

Mark>> Hope you're no missin me too much? ;-p

What if a am? <<David

Mark>> Well then you'd be in trouble.

Trouble? <<David

Mark>> Aye.

Whys that? <<David

Mark>> Because I told you not to.

Oh aye? And what ye say goes does it? <<David

Mark>> Aye. It does.

Simon felt his stomach flip. Now this was a side of Mark that he had certainly never seen. Assertive and dominant were not words that Simon would ever associate with Mark Renton but Mark, Simon was quickly learning was full of surprises.

Ye dinny seem like the authoritative type, Mark. <<David

Mark>> Let me hear ye say that with my cock down yer throat.

Fuck. They had never done this before; this was new fucking territory and Simon was just thankful that nobody was there to witness the violent shade of red that had instantly flushed his cheeks. 'Wit the fuck am a supposed tae say to that?' He swallowed hard and worried his lower lip between his teeth as he considered his options. He should have ended it there, deleted the profile and the app and let David disappear into the night but that could have potentially hurt Mark and Simon didn't want that. He could have just brushed the comment off, made a joke of it and hope that Mark wouldn't press the issue any further.

'Or... a could just reply? Give the needy wee cunt a bit of what he's after and then no ever think aboot it ever again. It's no like he'd even ken it's me.'

Mark>> David??

Reclining back against the headboard, Simon drew a deep breath and typed out his response.

Sorry. A wis just a bit surprised. <<David

Mark>> Did I make you uncomfortable? Shite, sorry.

Naw. Nothin like that. Just... curious? <<David

Mark>> about?

The size a wit i'd be choking on ;) <<David

Mark>> Are ye askin' me for a dick pic, David?

Simon wasn't sure. Was he? Why had he said that? Of all the fucking things... he was curious about the size of Mark's cock now? 'A mean aye, ad be lyin' if a said ad never thought aboot it; Diane seemed keen enough aw those years back. A bit a curiosity is normal like... a just wanty see wit aw the fuss is aboot.'

Wit if a am? <<David

Mark>> Be a good boy and ask nicely.

Si could feel the undeniable pressure of a rapidly forming hard-on against his thigh as he read Mark's response; surprised at the dizzying affect the words had on his body. He cast a glance down at his tented boxers and sighed in defeat. 'Traitor.'

Please may a see yer cock? <<David

Better? <<David

Mark>> Much better.

Mark>> I've got tae get back to my shift now but if you can wait until the morra I'll do you one better? ;)

What does that mean? <<David

Mark>> You'll see.

Mark>> Talk later. X

And with that Mark was gone. The little green dot beside his name turning grey and leaving Simon both confused and painfully hard. 'Fucking tease.' With a frustrated groan he threw his phone back down onto the bedside table and shoved a hand inside of his boxers to wrap around his aching cock. 'It's no gay if a don't think aboot him... or what his cock would look like while am on ma knees in front of it, just waitin' fer him to give it tae me.. beggin' him fae it while he teases me; or what it would feel like, aw heavy against ma tongue while he fucks ma mouth and tells me how fuckin' braw a look suckin' him off. That a wis made to suck cock... made for him' Simon's breath hitched and his legs instinctively spread wider as his hand tightened around his leaking cock, hand speeding up to stroke himself faster 'Made to be his good boy... Fuuuck!'

with a stifled moan Simon came, spilling across his hand and into his own boxers.

He had laid there; sticky, wet and utterly blissed out. He would have been embarrassed at how quickly he had cum if it wasn't for the fact that he currently had bigger things to worry about... like the fact that he apparently wanted Mark Renton to skull-fuck him into oblivion all of a sudden. 'Wit the fuck am a meant tae do with that information? Is no like a can tell him.. Oh, hi Mark; how wis work? Oh, aye? Good wis it? Don't suppose you'd mind bein' a pal and lettin' me choke on yer cock?' Simon groaned outwardly; the short lived afterglow of his orgasm slowly subsiding and giving way to annoyance and frustration. He peeled away his soiled boxers, using them to clean himself up before tossing them to the floor where he didn't have to look at them and be reminded of what he'd just done... or of how badly he wanted to do it again.

[aion-rsa]

Infinite Frontier and What’s Next for the DC Universe

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

DC Comics released a first look at its March comics, the first batch after the end of the multiverse-spanning Dark Nights: Death Metal and the pause-everything company wide reset Future State, and from our first glimpse of the solicitations, the big changes coming in Future State look like they might be sticking around. 

With the sheer volume of change that DC underwent in the last year – new distributors, new release days, personnel changes, cancellations and FanDomes included – there was a lot of speculation about the future of the comics line. This first batch of solicitations provide an interesting answer to that speculation. It looks like, post-Future State, DC’s changing everything. By keeping some things the same.

Here are our biggest takeaways…

It All Counts

Dark Nights: Death Metal #6 features a big twist where Wonder Woman powers up for the final battle with The Batman Who Laughs by reactivating all of DC’s past continuity. YES, that’s ridiculous, but it’s also awesome: the DC Universe contains 80+ years of stories, and they’re never, ever better than when they are playing around in what’s come before. 

So while Future State is a look forward at what’s to come for the DC Universe, the most exciting part of what follows is how much it takes in what came before:

Justice League, by Brian Michael Bendis and David Marquez, is bringing in Black Adam, clearly following up on recent events in Endless Winter.

Batman: Urban Legends is full of cuts both fresh and deep, with Matthew Rosenberg and Ryan Benjamin continuing the story of Wildstorm’s Grifter in Gotham, while Brandon Thomas and Max Dunbar start an old-school Outsiders story with Katana, Metamorpho and Black Lightning. 

Suicide Squad kicks off a new run from Robbie Thompson and Eduardo Pansica with Peacemaker. The last time he was hanging with the Squad was in John Ostrander and Kim Yale’s classic run. 

And the Crime Syndicate makes its return with a limited series by Andy Schmidt and Kieron McKown with a blend of the classic team (with an Ultraman origin backup from Bryan Hitch) and the Trinity War era Syndicate – Atomica is one of the newest additions to the team.  

You’ve also got plenty of forward-looking stories, starting with the big one kicking it all off. Infinite Frontier #0 is the jam book spearheaded by Josh Williamson, but with samples from much of the rest of the DCU, functioning the same way that DC: Rebirth #0 did. It’s got some of Joelle Jones’ new Wonder Woman; some of Becky Cloonan and Michael Conrad’s new status quo for Diana; and the next big move for the Joker spinning out of Joker War.

New Faces

Hands down the most exciting part of Future State is all the new blood brought in to create the books, and seeing them carry over to the main DCU is invigorating. New blood means new perspectives, and new perspectives can completely turn the old superhero formula on its head.

Also, some of these creative teams are bonkers. Wes Craig (Deadly Class) doing a Superman story in the Red & Blue anthology! Mariko Tamaki (Wonder Woman) and Dan Mora (Once & Future) on Detective Comics! Tom Taylor on a Nightwing he can’t kill! Presumably.

But we’re also getting new faces in the books. Ram V, maybe the hottest writer DC has at the moment, is sticking with his Future State: Swamp Thing collaborator Mike Perkins to put a new face in the Green: Levi Kamei is the new Swamp Thing in the main DCU.

Red X, Dick Grayson’s other secret identity from the various Teen Titans cartoons, is making his comics debut in Future State: Teen Titans, and Tim Sheridan and Rafa Sandoval are going to keep using him when we get back to normal continuity.

Damian Wayne is getting a new costume in Williamson and Gleb Melinkov’s story, “Demon and Detective,” running as a backup in Batman and Detective Comics.

And then there’s the book I can’t actually order fast enough: Gene Luen Yang (Superman Smashes the Klan and The Terrifics) and Ivan Reis (like, everything big from DC for the last half-decade, including some awesome Aquaman and Superman) diving into the multiverse for Batman/Superman, introducing three villains from the old movie serials as Batman and Superman nemeses from parallel Earths. It’s so beautiful!

Plenty to Sample

DC’s anthologies seem to have been successful enough that they’re going to keep putting them out. Batman: Black & White continues to be Eisner-bait, and DC is trying to transfer some of that magic over to Superman: Red & Blue, which will run short stories by prestige creators that use only those two colors. Meanwhile, Batman: Urban Legend looks like another chance for multiple creative teams to tell quick hit stories that are either artistic experiments, backdoor “pilots” for future books, or tryouts for up and coming creatives.

And many other regular titles – Batman, Superman, Action Comics, Detective Comics, Wonder Woman, to name a few – are coming with backup stories and extra pages. It’s extra bang for your buck, plus it’s a nice way to tie the line together without publishing multiple books like they’re one story (I’m looking at you, ‘90s X-Men comics). However these backups and anthologies are going to work, they should be valuable parts of the publishing universe. 

Also valuable to DC: not killing your creators or readers. Double shipping – putting out a new issue of Batman every two weeks, for example – is logistically complicated, taxing, and expensive for me. That’s done: everything is coming out monthly.

In fact, there seems to be more of an effort at truth in advertising with some of these titles, with more books advertised up front as miniseries than I can remember in the past. There is some speculation among people who monitor comics sales that advertising a story as a mini upfront can restrict its readership. But creatively, knowing that there is an end can often make the story more meaningful. And let’s be honest, most comic readers are reading for the story and not the title – when a story in a book ends, people move on, regardless of whether the subsequent issue is a new #1 or issue 768.

Black Label’s Still Got It 

DC’s prestige line, Black Label, has been one of the focal points of speculation, but judging by these offerings, everything keeps humming along. Tom King’s whole line of books (Batman/Catwoman, Rorschach, and Strange Adventures) are all well underway, and now with added Helena Wayne. The Dreaming: Waking Hours kicks off a new arc. And John Ridley and Giusseppe Cammuncoli’s maybe-masterpiece, The Other History of the DC Universe, drops its Katana issue in March. Rumors of Black Label being on the chopping block don’t seem to have had anything to them.

Grant Morrison’s Swan Song

The last bit of news from DC’s March solicits is a sad one. Grant Morrison, the architect of so much of what has made the DC universe beautiful for the last 25 years, is stepping away from that world on March 9th. That day sees the publication of their final two DC comics: The Green Lantern Season Two #12, and Wonder Woman Earth One vol. 3. 

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The beautiful thing is, Morrison was a huge proponent of the “everything matters” school of comics continuity, making it their central thesis on their Batman run, but also using it to incredible effect in their Superman triptych. It’s really easy to see their influence on the last 25 years of DC stories, but that influence has only grown stronger over the last few years, as a generation of comics creators took over the industry committed to honoring and integrating everything that came before. Hell, it’s the entire point of Death Metal. So for their DC career to wrap up as their influence reaches its textual peak is just a nice way to go out. 

The post Infinite Frontier and What’s Next for the DC Universe appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[animekath]

A Bit Tied Up

Rdr2 X Reader

Hey guys, Kat here!

Not much to say about this story...You, a cowboy and some rope. ;3

I hope you enjoy it! Sorry for spelling and grammar!

Words: 1828

Warning: bondage, bottom/top reader, rough sex, creampie, light choking, dirty talk, daddy kink

Enjoy!

Arthur Morgan

Out of everyone in camp, Arthur is the one that has a real kink for tying people up with his ropes. Maybe it was tieing so many criminals up in hogtie style which made him have it. So when he asked you if you were interested and you agreed to the new experiences, you sparked an animal inside the man.

Your wrists tied together behind your back with your legs tied to the headboard, that your legs were in the air, so Arthur got a beautiful view of your pussy; so open for him to use and fuck. His large hands would grip your thighs as he watched your lower lips leak, a smirk wide on his face. “Such a pretty girl for me.” He grunted as the swollen tip of his cock rubbed up against you before he thrusts inside, making you cry out at how rough he was. “Fuuuuck, such a tight cunt.” He growled.

“A-Arthur..!” You whimpered out as you watched. You couldn’t do anything but take it. Of course, you had a safety word, but oh fuck, why would you use it? You wanted this, you wanted Arthur.

You shot your head back and cried out as he pounded into you, his speed rough, but his thrusts were rougher, crying out when his whole shaft slipped inside you, feeling his tip hitting your womb. It already made you see stars, your mind fogged with lust and coming. Arthur leaned forward to mark your neck, sucking and biting the sensitive area until it darkened. He never admits that he loved claiming you, wanting people to know who could mark and take you as he pleases. Who can make you screaming their name until your voice was sore.

Arthur Fucking Morgan.

“Fuck...Darlin’, Ya good there? Look like yer goin’ to pass out already.” He breathed out a chuckle, his nails digging into your soft skin. “Mm...Yer enjoying it. Yer takin’ my fat cock like a champ, stretching out to ya limit, huh?” He grinned. When nothing but lust consumed Arthur, he turns in the dirtiest monster ever; his voice low as he tells you what his cock is doing to you and how good you were for him.

You could barely speak, nothing but moans and cries, leaving your lips as he raw your pussy, thinking you have already come and now close to your second. You didn’t know and didn’t care.

After the intense pleasure, Arthur will lose the ropes and relax you on the bed, cleaning you up before applying cream Hosea made for him onto where your skin was red from the rope burns. He kisses your forehead and tells you what a good girl you were for him before snuggling into bed to rest your bones.

Bill Williamson

Bill was not the best at tying up since his skills were shotguns and dynamite. So you took the lead and Bill didn’t mind, even though it got him flustered.

“Do you like that, sweety?” You purred out, your breath increasing as you rode Bill. Bill’s ankles were tied to his thighs so he couldn’t move them much as his wrists were tied behind his back. There was also rope around his neck, only tightening when you brought his head up, his face reddened when you had that dark look on your face. His arousal was mixed with being frightened of you and also finding you the most attractive woman ever.

“Ngh, Y...Yes, ma’am.” Bill grunted out, his voice hoarse. He groaned and shut his eyes when your hips increased, your ass slapping against his hips. Bill loved being on top and fucking the shit out of you but you topping him was his guilty pleasure. He didn’t tell anyone about it because Bill didn’t want to be laughed at, but you were the only one that told him it was fine, there was nothing wrong for your lady to take control of his man.

Bill would get hard when you purred in his ear and have that intimidating look in your eyes, knew what you wanted from him.

“Fuck, please...” Bill growled out, tugging the ropes around his wrists. “Let me come. I want to come..!” His balls were begging to be emptied, feeling swollen and sore since you have teased him most of the night.

“Do you deserve it, sweetie? Mm...I should let you come. You have been so good for me, and your face is so red. I bet your balls are the same colour, hm? Do you want your cum inside me, Bill? Get me nice and full of cum?” You grinned, now stopping which made the poor man growl.

“Yes, yes! Fuck me, Jesus hell!” Bill cried, wanting to buck his hips. “I can’t take it anymore..!” You didn’t reply as you moved your hips again, now going faster for Bill. He groaned, his stomach burning as you fucked on his cock. “Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” A minute didn’t go by as he finally came, filling your womb up with his cum.

You moaned when you felt him come, sitting on his lap to plug the cum. “Oh, Bill. I can feel you inside me. You did so well.” You hummed as you smiled down at him, giving his chest a rub as a reward which Bill happily took. “Want to go again?”

“Hah...Yes, Ma’am.”

Charles Smith

Charles is not a fan of tying you up, not wanting to hurt you or make you uncomfortable. The one he was okay with was your wrists being tied up in front of you, letting you hug him close as he took you. You didn’t mind at all; you knew Charles wasn’t like other men. He cared for you and wanted to treat you like a goddess. He found no point in hurting you.

So here you were with your wrists tied together, but your arms were resting on his shoulders, so your fingers were running through his thick hair. Charles groaned as he moved your hips, you riding his cock as your legs were wrapped around his waist. “Charles...” You gently moaned out, your forehead resting against his, your bare sweaty bodies against each other.

“Hummingbird.” He groaned out, placing gentle kisses on your neck and shoulder, only leaving small marks under the collar. He didn’t want the others teasing you by his marks. He moved his head to kiss you again, the kiss full of love and passion. Oh, how can a large man like him be so gentle?

“Mmm...Charles...Hah. Can you?” Your eyes glanced down, making the man chuckle but he did what you asked, his hand going down to rub your clit. “Fuck..!” You squeaked out, grinding your hips against his to get him deeper. Charles got the hint and started to move faster, his stomach burning for release as well.

“That’s is...Come for me. You are doing so well.” He smiled, his thumb rubbing faster on your clit which made you stir and your pussy clamping down on him. “Hah, damn...I’m close. Can I come inside you?” He asked before it was too late, now slamming your hips down on his thick cock.

“Yes, yes, please Charles..!” You gasped out, gripping his hair as you felt close. You both finally came, his cum painting your walls until it fills you up, leaking out onto his pulsing cock. You panted as you rested your forehead on his.

After a while, Charles pulled you away to untie your wrists, placing sweet kisses on the light-dark marks around your wrists. “You did so well, hummingbird.” He smiled down at you. “Let’s take a bath together...You must be tired.”

He was such a sweetheart.

Dutch Van Der Linde

Dutch liked to take it slow with you. Like softly pet your head as you sucked on his cock, his fingers pump and curl inside you until you begged for more. Of course, if you did something he didn’t like, you would get a quick slap on the ass. You didn’t care what he did to you, as long as he uses that deep voice on you, he can bend you over backwards if he wanted.

And being tied up just got the man in a lustful state, your arms tied behind your back with your ass in the air and your face shoved in the bed. Dutch maybe slow with you on foreplay but was rough and hard when he took you. “Fuck, Darlin’...” Dutch grunted out, his hands on your waist and the other gripping the ropes to pull you back on to his cock. “You are so good for daddy, aren't you?” He purred out as he towered over you, his hips slapping against your ass to get his cock deep.

“Nnh! Daddy..!” You squeaked out, your toes curling as the immense pleasure he was giving you. Dutch knew what he did to you; how to tease you, how to make you crazy, and how to make you come so hard that you pass out. Sometimes he didn’t even need to try since his lips on your skin made you putty in seconds. “Your dick feels S-So good, hah. Please, can I come?” You asked, letting out another moan when his hand went between your legs to rub your sensitive clit.

“Ngh, I don’t know. Have you been good for daddy?” Dutch purred out as he grinned down at you.

“Y-Yes, yes, I’ve been a good girl!” You whined out, bucking back into him which got you a quick spank on the ass. “Ah! S-Sorry but I’m so desperate! I want your cum inside me!” You looked over your shoulder to give him a lustful look. “Get my belly nice and big with your cum, please? O-Oh fuck, I want it!” You begged out, letting out another loud moan as his thrusting became faster.  “Oh, please! Daddy, come inside my slutty pussy!”

Dutch groaned by your words as he continued to fuck balls deep, feeling your walls pulling him inside. “Fuck...I’m gettin’ close, baby girl. Come for me. Come. For. Me. Now..!” He growled out as his hand quickened on your clit, pushing you over the edge. “Oooh, such a good girl for me. Makin’ such a mess around my cock.” He grunted out, gripping your hip as his gut burned. “Fuck...Fuck!” He growled out before he finally came, his cum filling your womb. “Ngh!”

“Mmm!” You whimpered as you felt him come, your body shaking by the after-shock of pleasure. Dutch pulling out when you both eased, you wiggle your ass as you looked over at him. “Was that it, daddy? That’s not enough cum to fill me.” You said, huffing like a child.

Dutch chuckled as he grinned at you, spreading your ass to watch his cum leak out of you. “No...It’s not enough.”

“This needs to last all night, baby girl...”

THE END! 

[bellero]

The Parker Twins (part two).

Summary- This is just a re-imagined version of Homecoming but Peter has a twin sister.

Warnings- bullying and swearing.

NOTE- HI! please send me an ASK if you wanna be added to the tag list! Tumblr tends to get rid of my notifications after a certain amount of time, so PLEASE send an ask<3 

The Parker Twins Masterlist

You let out a yawn as you rested your chin in the palm of your hand, your arm rested on your leg. You were sat next to MJ in gym class, Peter and Ned were in front of you. He still hasn’t shut up about Peter being Spider-Man which is hilarious considering you were exactly the same and you knew how much the excessive questioning sometimes bugged Peter.

You turned your tired eyes towards the TV screen and smirked at Steve Rogers, “hi. I’m Captain America. Whether you’re in the classroom or on the battlefield...” you stopped paying attention to him and looked down at the two boys sat beneath you, “do you know him too?” Ned asked Peter, you smirked and shook your head, Peter nodded his head with a smug look on his face “yeah, we met” you shook your head, Peter leaned towards Ned with a grin on his face “I stole his shield” Ned turned to him with a shocked expression, though, to be fair, yours matched his exactly when you found out. 

You tuned back into what Steve was saying, “today, my good friend, your gym teacher” you stifled a laugh when he gestured to the opposite side of where the coach was standing, “will conduct the Captain America Fitness Challenge” you rolled your eyes, the last thing you wanted to do was undergo some dumb fitness challenge.

You were sat next to your brother and his best friend, “do Avengers have to pay taxes? What does Hulk smell like? I bet he smells nice” you smiled in amusement at your friends quick fire questions, “I don’t think the Hulk would smell nice. However, I think Bruce would smell great” Ned nodded his head in agreement. Peter rolled his eyes at the both of you “you have to shut up” you let out a laugh. “Hey, can I be your guy in the chair?” Ned asked, you and your brother looked at each other before turning back to him “what?” he asked, Ned shrugged his shoulders “yeah. You know how there’s a guy with a headset telling the other guy where to go? If you’re in a burning building, I could tell you where to go! There’d be screens around me, and I could swivel around in a chair!” you laughed and shook your head, “I don’t need a guy in the chair” Peter grumbled, you all quietened down when the teacher came over, “looking good Peter” the teacher looked at you “why aren’t you doing anything?” he asked, you let out a sigh “I have a migraine and working out is making it worse” he nodded his head and walked away, you turned to the two boys who were staring at you “what?” you asked whilst shrugging.

You all turned to the group of people on the bleachers “now, for me, it would be F Thor... marry Iron Man and kill Hulk” one of the girls said, you shook your head. “Well, what about the Spider-Man?” Liz asked, you and Ned turned to Peter so fast that your necks almost snapped off, “did you see the bank security cam on YouTube? He fought off four guys!” Liz said, you turned towards your brother who was staring at her in awe. “Oh my god, she’s crushing on Spider-Man” one of the boys laughed which caused the rest of the group to do the same. Liz quickly shook her head, “no way” she paused for a bit “kind of” she shrugged “oh, gross! He’s probably thirty! You don’t even know what he looks like. Like, what if he’s seriously burned?” one of the girls asked, you snorted out a laugh “he’s worse” you mumbled which caused Peter to punch you in the arm, “I wouldn’t care. I’d love him for the person he is inside” she said, you smiled slightly but that quickly vanished when Ned spoke up, “Peter knows Spider-Man!” You both turned to him, he shrugged apologetically. “No, I don’t” Peter laughed nervously, Ned stood up after him “no. I mean, they’re friends” you let out a groan and collapsed to the floor. 

You heard Flash and sat back up quickly “yeah, like Coach Wilson and Captain America are friends” you rolled your eyes, “I’ve met him, yeah. A couple times but it’s through the Stark Internship. Yeah, well, I’m not really supposed to talk about it” Peter mumbled, Flash walked towards him “well, that’s awesome! Hey, you know what? Maybe you should invite him to Liz’s party. Right?” Flash asked condescendingly. You glared at him as you stood up and stood next to Peter who looked towards Liz, “yeah, I’m having people over tonight. You’re more than welcome to come” she smiled, Peter nodded his head and smiled a small smile “you’re having a party?” he asked. Liz nodded back, you laughed slightly at your brothers love struck look. “Yeah, it’s gonna be dope. You should totally invite your personal friend Spider-Man” he snickered, you let out a loud groan and rolled your eyes “oh my god, Flash, shut the fuck up” you turned to the Coach who had yelled your name, you rolled your eyes and turned to Peter, “looks like I’m gonna be home late... tell Aunt May?” you asked, he nodded your head. You walked over to the Coach who escorted you out of the gym.

You pulled up outside of Liz’s home with a scowl on your face, you were sat next to Ned. May looked over to the house, “house party in the suburbs. Oh, I remember these. Kind of jealous” she turned to Ned, “some hats wear men. You wear that hat” she said, you rolled your eyes, a scowl still very prominent on your lips “this is a mistake. Let’s just go home” Peter suggested, you quickly perked up and agreed with him. “I know. I know it’s really hard... trying to fit in with all the changed your body’s going through. It’s flowering now,” she then turned to you, “and you, young lady, I want you to apologise to Flash for what you said to him” she scolded pointing an accusing finger towards you, you rolled your eyes “fine” you muttered before opening the door, you walked up the steps and waited for your two best friends to catch up.

The three of you walked in together, you looked around in disdain, you drowned out everyone’s conversation and walked into the kitchen and filled up a red cup with water, no way were you going to drink that punch. It was probably spiked. 

You made your way over to the boys, “obviously I’m not gonna apologise to Flash for being a little shit but if Aunt May asked I apologised” they nodded their heads. “Penis Parker, what’s up? So where’s your pal Spider-Man? Let me guess: in Canada with your imaginary girlfriend?” he laughed “that’s not Spider-man! That’s just Ned in a red shirt!” you rolled your eyes and was about to march up to him when Peter grabbed your arm, “please don’t cause a scene” he begged, you narrowed your eyes “but he’s being a dick! he deserves it!” you yelled, he looked taken back by your tone “I know, but not tonight... please?” he asked, you rolled your eyes and nodded. “I’m going for a walk” you muttered angrily before walking away, “oh hey! It’s Parker’s twin! Hey, Y/n, how’re your parents doing?” Flash called. The entire party fell silent, you looked over to Peter and Ned who were staring at you. Your parents were always a sensitive subject, Peter had accepted that they were gone but you never could. 

You whipped around and stared at Flash who had a grin on his face, you stomped over to him and punched him in the face, shouts fell over the house and you turned and ran out. You ignored the shouts of your brother and best friend, hell, even Liz and MJ were calling after you but you ignored them. After a while you slowed down and pulled out your phone, “Aunt May? Can you come pick me up?” you asked with tears in your eyes, “no, I’m fine... I just started feeling sick... “I’m by Williamson Street, it’s around the corner from Liz’s... okay, thank you” you hung up and shoved your phone in your pocket. You slumped against the wall whilst you waited for you aunt to show up with salty tears rolling down your face. 

It was much later during the evening, May had tried to ask you what was wrong but you refused to tell her, eventually she had given up. She knew you well enough to know that you’d talk to her eventually. You let out a sigh as your phone rang, you turned over in your bed and grabbed it, you furrowed your brows at the unknown number. You swiped to answer it and brought it up to your ear,

“hello?” you asked, your voice was hoarse and scratchy.

“Gotta say I didn’t think you’d have it in you to punch a kid” you sat up at the familiar voice.

You switched your phone to the other ear, “Tony? How the hell did you get my number?” you asked in confusion.

He let out a scoff, “I have my sources, anyway there’s a video of you going around on the internet of you socking a kid in the jaw, what’s that about?” he asked, you rolled your eyes.

“It’s on the internet? Can’t you work your Stark magic and have it removed? Please?” you asked.

It was silent for a while, “of course I will” you let out a sigh of relief, “as soon as you tell me what happened” you were confused by his concerned tone.

You sat in silence for a while, “you’ve seen the video... surely you should know what happened... look I’m tired so I’m gonna get some sleep, goodnight” you hung up and led down. There was a soft knock on your door, it opened slightly and Peter walked in with his laptop and a box of Pizza. He walked over to your bed, “budge up” he said, you rolled your eyes and shuffled across so you were nearer the wall, he led down next to you and placed the laptop and the box of Pizza between the two of you. “I’m not going to make you talk about it because I know you don’t want to. So I brought you Pizza on the way back” you smiled and took a slice of Pizza, “Tony called by the way... he saw the video. He tried to get me to talk about it... I think he’s going to try and get the video taken down” you muttered with your mouth full of Pizza. 

You and your brother were plunged into silence as you watched your favourite movie.

The Parker Twins Tags-

@winchesters-favorite-girl @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @platonic-plots@daughters-and-winsisters @just4muggles @humanexile @family-business-one-shots @rosegoldquintis @sassy-specter @unicorn-sparkles123 @saturn-aka-six @octo-cow52 @thegirlwholikestomanythings @zeusmyster @6gotosleep9 @miyaint @grimzszs @sara29392 @deansdeliciouspies @emwinchester1 @lizlil @antiscocialfanwarrior @anothershorthuman @mellilla-rose @paintballkid711 @ixchel-9275 @ficnalunaus @steve-rogcrs @floral-marauders​ @havlindzk​ @bellamyblakemorley�� @slothalicious-bae @ellaorelizabeth​ @klanceiscannon14​ @sydm15​

[ma-jinnie-blog]

A Devil By My Side - Sin 1

Genre: Smut, dom!reader, sub!yoongi, dom!yoongi, romance, devil!au, angst

Word count: 2.1K

Warnings: A CEO with problems that only a devil can fix; physically, emotionally, and sexually.  You have been warned.

"Bring the bitch here."

I pulled out from the corner of the room and was thrown onto the cold, hard concert. The black bag that was blocked my vision and barely gave me air to breath was soon removed and was greeted by the hard light that shone into my face. A chair was dragged on the floor like scratching a chalkboard. Finally the person sat down in the chair and grabbed my chin, pulling it up to look into a fat man's face. It was one of the men on my board, one of my enemies that rejected each project out of pure hate that I was a woman who was the CEO of my father's company and not him.

"Look here, you got two choices. You sign over the company to me or I will cut you up and feed you to my dogs. Which is it?" He growled as his face inched closer to mine. Earning a chuckle from me.

"Heh, you mean your little pipsqueak of a chihuahua. I don't think your dog will will be able to handle, dickhead." I spat in his face as he sucked in his breath and slapped me hard on my face. Spitting blood out onto the floor, I was dizzy and aggravated that someone like him was on my father's board of committee. "Is that all you got, fat boy?" I taunted the man. He growled and punched me hard, making me fall over onto my back seeing stars at the bright light. Knowing that I was a stubborn person, but I wasn't going to allow my father's hard work go to waste on a greedy little fat man.

"Take her shit off. We will get her to sign the contract when she has three dicks in her." The man ordered his men as they came to rip my expensive suit off. To think that it would come to this was not a surprise. Men like him would always resort to rape, cause their bitchy trophy wives wouldn't give it to them. Laying naked on the cold floor, I honestly wanted death. However what I wanted more than death was hell, I wanted the devil to take them to hell to be forever tortured, it didn't matter the price.

Just as I thought it so, a rather pale young man appeared next to my side. Time seemed to stop as the fat man stood with his mouth open ready to order something stupid and his grunts to comply. Looking at the people in awe, only the little pale boy with black eyes and white hair gazed at me. Watching me as I looked back at him in curiosity.

"I heard you. Is it true that you will do anything for their punishment?" He asked as he kneeled down to my side, his fingertips brushing the strand of hair away from my eyes to get a better view.

"I want you to help me. Whatever the price maybe, I will pay it in full." I stated coldly as his eyes shined slightly at my answer. I wondered if he would do it, or would he leave me to die. Either way, the answer was very clear, I was doomed.

With a small smirk on his thin lips, the time went as if it never stopped and he disappeared. My eyes widened as I searched the room for the small boy. Cursing myself for not giving him a better offer. Just as one of the grunts positioned his little dick and flabby belly at my entrance, he screamed in pain as his hands palmed his eyes. Blood poured out onto his cheeks as the men next to him jumped back and shouted at why the man was screaming. Only to see his face ripped off and thrown at the little greedy fat man.

Finally the little boy appeared and with a flash the men around me collapsed in a pool of blood. Only the fat man sat back in his seat, shaking and pissing himself as he looked up at the pale young man. With a grin the boy tore out the fat man's belly onto the floor as the man watch his gut spill.

I was shocked that I was shaking at the grotesque sight. I wanted to scream and run away, but I laid there still at my savior. Who would have thought that someone like that exists. Just who was this person. To answer the question he turned around and looked at me deep into my eyes as he licked his bloody hand.

"Darling, I'm the devil, but you can call me Yoongi." His eyes were fiery red like the pits of hell, but even through the hellish nightmare, he was a hero to me.

Yoongi the Devil carried me out of the room and walked out onto the rooftop. Granted I was still naked, but his warm made me sweat. My arms wrapped around his neck as his arms supported my back and under my knees. Silently watch him as his leathery wings sprout out from his back. Spreading wide and black I gazed at them in awe. I guess this boy is truly a devil, such a strange thing to have happen. I wanted to touch them just to feel what it was like, but the same second I reached out, he jumped off the rooftop.

I yelped and tightened my grip on his neck as his wings caught the wind coming up and let him fly to a place he called home. During the fly, I gazed at his sharp jaw and his ear that held many piercings, his white hair that flew in the wind to show his refined features. I questioned myself if the devil really looked like this and how? Didn't they have tails and horns and red skin and a pitchfork.

"I do have horns and a tail, but red skin and a pitchfork, I don't have." He shouted over the air.

"Then are you really the devil, Yoongi?" I asked him as he laughed uncontrollably, taken aback for his laughter.

"You are a CEO correct, you are suppose to be smart and educated. So why are you so dumb?" He laughed as I pouted, looking at the distance as we halted to the top of another building. He landed safely and softly, not slipping me out of his grasp. I looked around as I recognized that this is one of the famous apartment complex's for the wealthy businessmen. He went down to the elevator and it opened up to a grand penthouse.

I owned a penthouse as well, but objects in the house was fascinating and unlike anything I've seen. Not sparing a moment for me to look at something for too long, he went up the stairs and into a bedroom that was just as grand as his living room. Tall ceilings with a large bed with little to no furniture with its minimalistic taste. He walked towards the bed, and I questioned myself why he brought me to the bed first. Why not put me on the couch or the bathroom where I needed to be clean.

"Don't worry, I will clean you up." I looked up at Yoongi as he set me down on the fluffy bed, and sat on the side of the bed.

"Do you always read my mind, Yoongi?"

"Yes I do." He replied immediately and smiled. "I want to learn what type of person you are, Miss. Williamson. Thela Williamson. Where did your parents get a name like that?" He asked as his eyes fixated on mine.

"It was made up, since everyone in the family called my the lady. My father combined it and made it Thela, it was rather an interesting choice." I looked up at the tall ceiling to avoid Yoongi's fiery eyes.

"You are an interesting choice." He whispered as he leaned down to gaze over my face.

"So what is the price? What do I owe you?" I asked quickly to change the subject, hoping that he wouldn't shove his attract face into mine again.

"The price is that you are my slave."

"What?!" I shot up and looked at Yoongi in the eyes and quickly shifted my eyes away. "What about money, objects, something like that?"

"A deal with a devil can be so much worse than a slave, Thela. I could have eaten your soul after I ate all those fat men." Yoongi put a slender finger under my jaw and pulled my attention to him. "But you have something that other's don't have, and I want it." He quickly wrapped his hand around the base of my skull and pulled me into a deep kiss. I've kissed many times before and fucked just as many, but this kiss was electrify, like I was hit with thunder and eased off by the wave of the sea.

His fingers tangled themselves in my hair as he groaned softly into my mouth. Our tongues flicked against each other and his teeth grazed against my lip, before biting into it and making me bleed slightly. I hissed in pain, but felt Yoongi's caress  become gentle than before. His groan much louder as he tasted my blood on his tongue.

"You taste like the heavenly angels." He groaned again as he pushed himself on me and began to grind against me. He continued to kiss me deeply almost like he wanted more blood.

"Yoongi, please." I manage to gasp out, but it made him shiver and even more gentle. Thinking about his actions, I tried my theory again. "Yoongi stop kissing me." I stated softly and it made him stop but only for a short second before he latched his lips against mine again, trying to silence me. I couldn't overpower him, but I could use his name. Isn't that what it says in the textbooks.

"Yoongi stop kissing me for a minute." I exclaimed as he detached his lips and looked into my eyes almost in a dazed state. "Yoongi, let me be on top." I order and felt his weight lighten so I pushed him over so I was on top. His hands were held at my hips as I looked down at him. "Yoongi what is it that you want?" I asked.

"You, I want to taste you." He answered honestly as his hands traveled up to grip my breast in his hand, giving it a tight squeeze that made me squirm. His other hand going down south and began rubbing his finger against my warmth. "It's been a minute." He whispered as he leaned up to attach his lips back on me as he tug at my lip. Silencing me as he pulled my hips to grind against his growing erection.

I moaned into his mouth as he sucked my tongue and licked down my chin to my neck. Nibbling and biting me to pull the blood out of my pumping veins. I groaned as he pinch my skin between his teeth and how his hand tangled themselves in my lengthy black hair, pulling my head back while his other arm was wrapped around my waist.

"Yoongi why are you doing this?" I asked questioning that there are different ways to repay him.

"Because you taste so good." He mumbled as he bit again into my shoulder. I cried out as he began to be more harsh. Suddenly his pants were slipped off as he returned to kiss my lips, pushing me over to be over me. Aligning himself to my entrance, and driving his cock deep into me. He moaned loudly as he was buried deep within me and began to thrust quickly into my warmth as he bit into my neck again for the tenth time.

"Yoongi..." I called out his name softly and felt him quiver at his name. "Yoongi, be mine forever." I whispered in his ear and watched as he groan softly.

"Yes, I will stay with you forever, Thela." I felt my heart skin a beat at his reply and brought my hips up to meet his half way. I moaned loudly as Yoongi's hips buckled and shake as he came. He bit hard into my shoulder as he held onto me tightly, drowning himself in the high release. Catching our breaths he looked into my eyes with his fiery ones and smiled.

"Now it's time for you to feed." He bit his lip hard to draw blood that poured down his chin. Pushing the blood into my mouth, I expected to taste like iron or something horrible, but it tasted like the right amount of sweets. My favorite dishes all mixed up and served to me on a golden platter. My mouth watered as I tasted him and licked him chin clean. He stopped me, and looked into my eyes. "Now you are mine completely."

[tube-thoughts-blog]

tube thoughts vol. 2

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking,   2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

zack snyder's 300: Rise of an Empire *Lady warrior commandeers the battle scenes and saves it from being a male meat fest like the first film.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents "Independence Day" *One way to make this movie more moronic would be if social media existed in its world at the time.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Cannon films "Ninja 3: The Domination" *Spunky shinobi, you must avenge me!* 3 stars

Septic Man *Municipal shit-storm* either zero stars for grossness or 3 stars for grossness and surrealness

"The Stuff" a Larry Cohen film starring Michael Moriarty *Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm lovin' it.* 3 stars

Farscape premier episode *Awol from the ratcage.* 3 stars

Garth Marenghi's: Darkplace "The Creeping Moss from the Shores of Shoggoth" *Brocolli from space. I'd thought it had tasted odd.* 3 stars

Albert Pyun's "Omega Doom" starring Rutger Hauer *It's nice to know after we've killed ourselves off, through constant warfare, sentient robots will become gun nuts and start acting out cold war westerns.* 2 1/2 stars

Kenny vs. Spenny: "Who Can Sell More Bibles?" *The Devil is in the details.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: Clive Barker's "Valerie on the Stairs" *Another bodice-ripper.* 2 stars

"I Spit On Your Grave" uncut 1978 either zero stars or 3 stars

"Beyond the Door" *Paranormal pregnancy with personality.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: "The Condemned Woman" *Josie and the pine weasels* 2 1/2 stars

Lost and Found Video Night: Vol 7 -- 3 stars

Seinfeld: "The Frogger" *George's high score.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Mr. R.I.N.G." *What's the difference between right and wrong? robot need to know.* 3 stars

Everything is Terrible "The Rise and Fall of God" *Homeschool is the answer.* 3 stars

Roger Corman presents Andrew Stevens' "Subliminal Seduction" featuring Sharknado's Ian Ziering and Critters' Dee Wallace Stone *CD-ROM Inception meets Tommy Wiseau's "The Room"  type inept erotic thriller.* 3 stars

David Cronenberg's "eXistenZ" *Jennifer Jason Leigh penetrates Jude Law's port hole in order to play an addictive and twisted version of The Sims.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" *Butter scraped over too much bread.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

"Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone" *Han Solo babysits a brat-pack ginger cutie, Ernie Hudson is Lando, and Michael Ironside is a Darth Humongous who believes that Earth Girls Are Easy.* 3 stars

"Riddick" *Robinson Crusoe machismo* 3 stars

Farscape: "I, E.T." *My name is Mud.* 3 stars

Dominion: pilot episode *Bright light city gonna set my soul on fire.* 2 1/2 stars

"Thor: Dark World" *Science lady Padme pines for Adam of Eternia so that she inadvertently stumbles into the evil fudge and awakens the 9th Doctor Keebler Who causes the realms to converge like ornaments on an imploding Christmas tree.* 3 stars

"Priest" *Paul Bettany's Obi-Wan character is disenchanted with his forced retirement  in a Catholic 1984 dystopia and his regret filled dreams lead to the wasteland where his  fallen knights of the old republic partner, a cowboy from hell Karl Urban, lurks about with his horde of bloodsucking bandits and xenomorph vampires. A decent cameo from Brad  Dourif as a snake oil salesman. This movie's biggest flaw is that it forgets  the classic genre work of Sergio Leone,  John Carpenter, and George Miller and instead mimmicks the cliche Matrix ripoff style hack work of Paul W.S. Anderson's Resident Evil flicks.* 2 stars

"Scanners 2: The New Order" *If you get inside me, go gently, and easy on the nosebleeds. This kind of telepathic power in the hands of a fascist P.D., no thankee.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Christmas Special: Charles Band's "Pets" *Inhabits the same universe as other weird,  dumb kids' adventure comedies like 'Garbage Pail Kids', 'The Super Mario Bros Movie', 'Ernest Scared Stupid', and 'Problem Child 1 & 2'* 1 1/2 stars

Sami Rami & The Coen Bros present "Crimewave" aka "The XYZ Murders" *Reminiscent of the Three Stooges, classic Mel Brooks, 40s cartoons, humorous Tom Waits song tales, and the original SNL.* 3 stars

Udo Kier in "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Miss OSbourne'  --sexploitation-- *Show me where it hurts. Fill me with  hatred. My pleasure is seeing your dead body.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "Right to Die" *The crispy, vengeful ghost of Terry Shiavo.* 3 stars

William Lustig's "Vigilante" starring Robert Forster & Fred Williamson *Regular Joe nihilism* 3 stars

rifftrax presents Ridley Scott's "Alien" *H.R. Giger porn on the sattelite of love.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

Josh Brolin is DC's "Jonah Hex" *Sometimes spooky, often dumb B-western that's sadly too gutless to show any blood n grit. Still it might fit into a marathon of 'The Quick and the Dead', 'Five Bloody Graves',  'Navajo Joe', and 'Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter.'*  2 stars

"Rhinestone Cowgirls" 1982 --xxx-- *Easy listenin' and screwin', plus plenty of other prickly  situations protruding in Cactus Corner.*  2 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Primal Scream" *Unfrozen caveman mauler.* 3 stars

"Shogun Assassin" *Daddy day samurai* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Dino De Laurentiis presents "Orca" *starring Richard Harris as a salty sea-dog, Charlotte Rampling as a sensitive marine biologist, Bo Derek as a sexy shipmate and Shamu snack, plus the indian fella from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' lending his wisdom by saying things like,  "The old ways no longer work. Now, even our gods dance to a new tune."*  2 1/2 stars

"Baron Blood" *Decent dubbing, giallo lite, moody nightscapes, cursed castle, creepy stalking.*  2 1/2 stars

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace: "Illuminatum & Illuminata" *Interviewer: Do you believe in the Horned One?  the actor Todd Rivers: You mean the Hoofed One? Interviewer: Yeah.*  3 stars

Beavis & Butthead: "Time Machine" *Butthead: 1832, that's like not now.  Beavis: Yeah, aren't we more than that?* 2 1/2 stars

Twin Peaks: "Wounds and Scars" *"A country habit. We are so very trusting."* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs:  Wes Craven's "The People Under the Stairs" *A ghetto version of Twin Peaks' "Black Lodge" where "Hills Have Eyes" type inbred freaks are trapped in the cellar and "Sometimes further in is the only way out." in a twisted Tom & Jerry style game of cat & mouse.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "We All Scream for Ice Cream" starring Lee Tergesen, William Forsythe, and the kid from Bad Santa and Eastbound & Down *The Good Humor Man returns from the land of the popsicles to scoop out and dish some cold and sticky revenge.* 3 stars

Gun Fu John Woo and Risky Bidness Tom Cruise present: "Mission Impossible 2" *We've got the cure, we made the disease. Dianetics incorporated.* 3 stars

Tim & Eric present: Bedtime Stories "Hole" *Spitting surreal absurdism sometimes sidetracks the sinister suburban satire.* 2 1/2 stars

MST3K presents: Charles Band's "Laserblast" *Moppy-haired stoner with a muscle-van gets to rain down the fire of the lizard alien gods on his stereotypical 70s burnout and redneck cop enemies in his one horse desert hometown.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Farscape: "Exodus from Genesis" *A hot time in the roach maternity ward in the outer reaches of the universe, tonight.* 3 stars

"Saga, Curse of the Shadow" aka "The Shadow Cabal" *Somewhere between Peter Jackson's LOTR and LARPers that run around yelling, "Lightning bolt, lightnight bolt, lightning bolt!"  2 1/2 stars

"Night of the Loving Dangerously" --xxx-- *With the allure of his ever-wanton ex-wife, Traci Lords, private dick, Peter North, is pulled into a web of blackmail involving his ex's new fiance- a perverted CEO  with everything to lose, Jamie Gillis,  his naughty daddy's girl daughter, and gay son's snooping photographer boyfriend.*  2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: "Poltergeist" *Joe Bob maligns Spielberg's involvement with a Tobe Hooper horor flick, Heather O'Rourke gives me the sads, an 80s kids bedroom is full of nostalgic shit, the mom looks sexy even with a streak of grey hair, there's some kind of message about the sinister nature of suburban sprawl,  a sassy medium with a drawl steals the show, and Joe Bob ponders the difference between "Go into the light" & "Stay away from the light."* 3 stars

Lost & Found Video Night Vol. 5 *Hot diggity tallyho* 3 stars

"Purely Physical" 1982 --xxx-- *Schmaltzy motel fornicating where the lovers' lips refuse to move when the pillow talk gets filthy.*  2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "The Trevi Collection" *Fashion victims. Some hilariously bad acting from a witch.* 3 stars

"Gallowwalkers" starring Wesley Snipes *Spaghetti vampire western. The kind of movie Blade 3 should have been.* 3 stars

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back & Return of the Jedi ---despecialized editions--- *Impressive. Most impressive* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: 1954's U.S. version of "Godzilla"  & "Godzilla vs. Mothra" *Tokyo stompin' in a Texas trailer park.* 3 stars

"Manborg" 2011 *Will Ferrell's 'Westworld', Scott Pilgrim vs. Mega City 1, Napoleon Dynamite 2: Judgment Day, Tom Green's 'Total Recall', Jim Carrey's "Battlefield Earth', Sam Raimi's 'Mortal Kombat: Annihilation', Paul Verhoeven's 'Army of Darkness', Patrick Swazy, Jacki Chan, Jake Busey, and Cynthia Rothrock  in 'Revenge of the Sith'.*  3 stars

Masters of Horror: Stuart Gordon presents Edgar Alan Poe's "The Black Cat" *Pluto, the little devil.* 2 1/2 stars

rifftrax presents: "The Last Slumber Party" *More potty-mouthed and homophobic than a Wayans Bros. "Horror" "Comedy" "Movie"* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 without

The Outer Limits: George R.R. Martin's "Sandkings" starring Beau & Lloyd Bridges *Red menace* 3 stars

rifftrax presents: "Battlefield Earth" *L. Ron Hubbard's  The Passion of the Prometheus as acted out by the rat-brained man-animal, John Travolta.*  2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Mel Brooks "Spaceballs" 3 stars

rifftrax presents "Fantasic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" *Fate of world hangs in balance while obnoxious bantering, obnoxious celebrity  style wedding is overshadowing focus, obnoxious background extras actors mug for the camera and stare at the pop culture status heroes, obnoxious twirling mustache Dr. Doom villain moments, obnoxious studio thinking Galactus is a stupid concept and yet going through with having his threat to earth being the plot-- leaving us with a cloud of lame spacedust* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Troma presents: Lucio Fulci's "Rome 2072: The New Gladiators" *Televised brutality in a cyber-disco dystopia where the cities of the future are painfully obvious scale models covered in Christmas lights and dirtbikes along with karate chops are still considered pretty badass.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Game of Thrones: Season 3 episode 1

*The inept, pudgy comic relief gets to stumble around  in the snow avoiding ice zombies,

the dashing dwarf gets dissed by dear old dad,

the high class pimp positions himself near the daughter of the woman who always shunned his advances,

the would be future queen shows kindess to orphans and gets politely scolded for it,

a crow defects to the king beyond the wall,

a fiery zealot harshly deals with infidels,

a shiprecked war veteran brother puts himself back in harm's way to try to talk sense to his witch's pussy whipped brother,

the king of the north returns to his scorched hometown and imprisons his mum there,

a puppy eyed dragon mama sails with her seasick soldiers and goes shopping for baby slaughtering drone warriors while narrowly escaping creepy child with scorpion assassination attempt.*

3 stars

-------------------------------------------------------

rifftrax' Mike Nelson riffs "Predator" *"Speak mono-Slavic-ally and carry a big stick."* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

George Lucas & Ron Howard present: "Willow" *In order to save a red-headed bastard baby, Frodo Skywalker  fellowships a force of ragtags including a Han Solo in Pocahontas drag, an indian in the cupboard Kevin Pollack,  and a wizard lady trapped by spell in the body of a wombat.*  3 stars

rifftrax presents: "Twilight: New Moon" *A frigid, psycho chick gets dumped by her prissy,  older, unhealthy obsession. she then begins having night terrors ruining  the sleep of her closet gay lumberjack dad. next, she begins leading a lovesick  puppydog around on a leash while getting wreckless on a mopad, attempting suicide  for attention and all before going on a sisterhood of traveling pants adventure to a pretentious Anne Rice version of faggy Europe. 1980s teens were awesome. 2000s teens are awful.*  2 stars with riffing 1 star without

---- monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs:

"Slaughter High" aka "April Fool's Day"

*These jokers aint' f-f-f-foolin'. They like their drugs, they like their sex, they like their cruel pranks on nerds.

Unlucky for them,  their 10th year class reunion takes place at the now abandoned old high school in the middle of nowhere on a rainy night.

It's the perfect setting for an old dark house horror mixed with Agatha Christie style revenge picture.

This is one of the best episodes of monstervision.

It features a classic 1980s slasher flick, it has the original mail girl, Joe Bob skewers the logic of the TNT censors, and he reads an awkward letter from a male admirer named Rufus.*

3 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------

"A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors" *Freddy flew over the cuckoos' nest* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Valerie 23" *Do androids sleep mode with electric wet dreams? 2 be or R2D2? See, I could think of some existential questions to ask my prototype sexbot over a romantic dinner, especially if she were the first sentient being of her kind, and had Hulk strength for no apparently necessary reason.* 2 1/2 stars

Jamie Gillis in "Midnight Heat" 1983 --xxx-- *Rare grime. A gem of a different time. Seedy NYC.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "The Washingtonians" *Patriotic blue hairs set their wooden teeth on edge about the disclosure of that rich colonial tradition of chomping on cherry tastin' child flesh.* 2 stars

Farscape: "Throne for a Loss" *Rigel, the royal pain in the rear.*  3 stars

"Hellraiser 2: Hellbound" uncut *The stigmata of Sigmund Freud, from the makers of 'Scratch it, sniff it, squeeze it, suck it,' now available at finer novelty shops.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: "On the Wings of Love" *Hangover cures, hidden secret half-sister, hallelujah for the hard of hearing, hometown beauty pageant queen hitlist, and hoot owl hieroglypics.* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs:  Randy Quaid in "Parents" *A Norman Rockwell painting hanging on the wall behind the desk at the Bates Motel.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Blood Brothers" *Twelve immortal monkeys* 2 1/2 stars

"Kill List" 2011 -- *This feels like it could be a Garth Ennis story. It has old mates drinking together and shooting the shite about life. It has acts of extreme violence almost to the point  of dark comedy. It has a bleak poignancy. There's also the occult undertones like a Hellblazer comic.* 3 stars

William Hurt in Ken Russell's "Altered States" *Waiting, in a fish-bowl, for Godot.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Chopper" *Stunt motorcycle riding, sword slashing specter with separation anxiety.* 3 stars

Farscape: "Back, and Back, and Back to the Future" *"Psychic Spanish-fly," alien lady combat, genetically structured spy seductress, quantum singularity also known as a blackhole used as a soul saving secret weapon of mass destruction that is seriously in jeopardy of being stolen or accidentally set off."* 3 stars

"The Wind" starring Meg Foster, Wings Hauser, & Steve Railsback *Swept up in stormy solitude and story.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "The Second Soul" *Lending our dead bodies, like they were used cars, to alien parasites, leads to some serious moral implications. Feels like a 50s style sci fi message about the dangers of multiculturalism given a more progressive twist at the end.* 2 1/2 stars

"Virgin Witch" --sexploitation-- *Prissy Galore throws a feisty spell when a group of dysfunctional devil worshippers decide they really, really fancy her.* 2 1/2 stars

Van Damme / Raul Julia "Streetfighter" *"Who wants to go home, and who wants to go with ME?!" Self aware dumb fun.*  2 1/2 stars

rifftrax' Mike Nelson riffs "xXx" starring Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, & Asia Argento *Double Ohhh Seven sez, "Do the DEW, dude."* 3 stars with riffing 2 stars without

[jaelyn96]

Matt Dinerstein/NBC 8:30 AM PDT 8/21/2017 by Kate Stanhope "It's definitely addressed in the season premiere," Rick Eid tells THR about the exit of Bush's beloved character, Det. Erin Lindsay. Chicago P.D. fans are already well aware that the Intelligence Unit is going to look a little different when the cop drama returns for season five. Det. Erin Lindsay (Sophia Bush) will have left for that FBI gig in New York, with Det. Hailey Upton (Tracy Spiridakos) taking her spot, joined by returning team member Det. Antonio Dawson (Jon Seda) after a brief stint at the State's Attorney's office. But there's a new name behind the scenes as well with the addition of new showrunner Rick Eid. Replacing series co-creator and longtime showrunner Matt Olmstead, Eid comes to P.D. after working on several other Dick Wolf series: Law & Order, Law & Order: Trial By Jury and most recently Law & Order: SVU, on which he served as showrunner for season 18. Among his first orders of business? Making sure the series more accurately reflects the issues the real-life Chicago Police Department is currently facing: In 2016, there were 4,338 reported shootings and 754 reported homicides, the highest numbers in 20 years, which many have blamed on the Chicago Police Department. "There's a lot going on there socially, politically, certainly as it relates to what's going on with the police department," he tells The Hollywood Reporter. "So we just really wanted to locate the show in that rich, complicated and racially charged and socially charged and politically charged environment." Eid also talked to THR about just how that will play out onscreen, the new dynamics within the Intelligence Unit and the "personal, emotional issues" facing Det. Jay Halstead (Jesse Lee Soffer) after the exit of his longtime partner (and girlfriend), Erin. How did this change come about? Why did you want to make the move to take over on P.D.? Dick asked me if I'd be interested in running Chicago P.D. and I said yes. (Laughs.) That was pretty much the conversation, truthfully. What appealed to you about Chicago P.D. specifically? I love the show and I love the complexity of the characters and the ability to… it's kind of an interesting canvas. There's a lot of moral ambiguity in this show that I thought would be fun to explore. READ MORE 'Chicago P.D.': Dick Wolf Addresses Sophia Bush and Matt Olmstead's Exits When Dick approached you about P.D., was there any advice or instructions that he gave you? Or maybe something from Chicago Fire showrunner Derek Haas since he used to be a writer on P.D.? Not really. It was, "Make it great." (Laughs.) [Those] were the marching orders. I'm trying my best to do that, but there was nothing specific. There was no,"'We want it to be like this," or, "We don't want it to be like that." It was, "Come in, look at the shows, let us know what your take in [season] five is and we'll go from there." In the best way possible, it was just wide open. What can you say about your take for season five? Where are you hoping to take the show this year? The big thing that we're trying to do is really attach the show to Chicago 2017, and to make the episodes in the show feel like it's in the middle of that complex city right now. There's a lot going on there socially, politically, certainly as it relates to what's going on with the police department, so we just really wanted to locate the show in that rich, complicated and racially charged and socially charged and politically charged environment. How will that be reflected on the show? Will the show rip from the headlines more the way SVU does? In the season premiere, we're introducing this idea of reform. The chief of police and superintendent has designated an independent auditor to oversee the police department and that independent auditor will be Mykelti Williamson [who played Voight's old partner Lt. Denny Woods in season four]. So we're literally introducing an authoritative figure who is charged with overseeing the Chicago Police Department and making sure it operates in an appropriate way and in conformity with new guidelines and regulations. You spoke about the moral ambiguity of the show, and Voight (Jason Beghe) specifically comes to mind. How will a character who so frequently bends the rules react to with this new age of reform in the department? As a policeman, he's going to have to react to it in a way that allows him to do his job and protect the city and do what his goal has always been: to protect the city and get the bad guy. He's just going to have to do it in a different way. You're going to have to see him possibly be a little bit more cerebral or figure out a new way to get from a to b. I don't think his moral compass has changed or his code of ethics has changed necessarily. He's smart and he deals with what's in front of him and what's in front of him in this moment is this idea of police reform. As a smart, instinctive creature, he's going to adapt and figure out how to do his job the best way possible in the new environment. It's just a new obstacle for him. Given everything that's going on in the city right now, what kind of research have you been doing to tell these kinds of stories? I read a lot. Went out there a lot. We have a great technical consultant who's a producer with the show, Brian Luce, who's a longtime Chicago policeman so I talked to him a lot. Look, the news is filled right now with what's going on across the country and it's not just in Chicago so I think there's a lot to draw on. We did as much research as we could into this but at the end of the day, it's still a television show, it's fiction, it's not meant to be a documentary on the Chicago police department so we may take liberties at times for dramatic purposes. READ MORE 'Chicago P.D' Star Talks Joining Drama After Sophia Bush's Exit: "Her Presence Is There" Looking broadly at the characters this season, what would you say is the theme of season five? What will we see within the team this year? I think the theme for the season probably is the idea of reform. But in terms of what we'll see week to week and for the season is the characters just immersed in complicated cases with lots of moral and ethical dilemmas along the way in terms of solving cases. I think, again, if possible we're trying to dramatize what's going on in the city and what's going on with the new Chicago Police Department and the idea of reform. It's an interesting time to be a police officer, especially in Chicago but I think also across the country. There's phones everywhere there's cameras everywhere, there's a lot of Monday morning quarterbacking going on among policemen so I think it's a really complicated time to be a cop and I think that hopefully within the construct of our bigger cases, we're feeling that in each episode, that it's really hard to be a cop and how do you do it? How do you get the best results in this sensitive and challenging environment where you've got a bunch of people telling you you're doing it the wrong way? Speaking about the ensemble, there were a couple changes that happened over the summer, the first one being Sophia Bush's exit. Were you involved in those discussions about her exit at all? [I was] not involved. There was some talk of her coming back this season so will she make a return appearance? Or are those talks still happening? It's probably too early. There's nothing specific on the table right now so I don't really have a comment on that right now. Would you say the door is open if she wanted to come back at some point? There's a lot of people involved in these decision above my pay grade that's probably a question for Dick and NBC. At the end of the day, she was a great character and a great actor so I think those are things — to the extent they ever happen — there's a lot of people involved in that decision. How does that impact the rest of the Intelligence Unit? Especially with Voight and Halstead, both of whom she was close to? I think they'll probably handle it differently because they're different characters but I think her absence is definitely something they'll feel. And we'll see it at different times. It's definitely addressed in the season premiere and from time to time, we'll feel it, whenever it feels right for the characters. Sometimes you might not even be talking about it but you might think that's what's going on, for example with Halstead. Her loss will impact him in a meaningful way. Where is he headed this season? Not only were they romantically involved but that was his longtime partner so what's coming up for him in the wake of her exit? He's a really interesting character in that he tries so hard to do the right thing all the time and that's a great character, especially in such a challenging job, to have that kind of compass. I think the loss of Lindsay, in the season premiere, he's involved in a situation that affects him so the combination of those things sort of throws him off balance. It's just seeing a guy trying to deal with some real emotional, personal issues the best way he can, trying to handle it by himself, trying to stay strong in the wake of adversity. We'll see how that plays out for him. He's now partnered with Hailey Upton on the show. How would you describe their dynamic as partners? We're still writing it and watching it and seeing it evolve. I'm hoping it's a great partnership. They look out for each other, is the real dynamic that begins to take place. As the season progresses, I think Halstead will be doing things in a way that's a little different than how he used to, and Hailey will be there to help him and clocking this new behavior. Ultimately, they're there to have each other's back and they're there to protect each other and I think that will be in full focus. READ MORE 'Chicago P.D.': Jon Seda to Return for Season 5 Will there be any new love interests for him this season? Ultimately, there will be some romantic storylines in play among all the characters. I think early in the season, he's still grappling with what happened with Lindsay and he's probably not great dating material early in the season. Maybe as time goes on later in the season, maybe he'll become more a viable romantic interest for somebody. What other pairings are you excited for this season? In the real world in the police department, it's not always that you go out with your quote unquote partner, you just go with someone who's there. We've got so many great actors that we'll see a lot of people paired together throughout the season. But I think the Ruzek-Atwater pairing is exciting. There's some interesting stuff going on with those two, again, speaking to what's going on in society. These are two guys with two different perspectives on the world and I think it's great to have those guys together as they're navigating this sort of complicated maze of political and social issues. Antonio and Burgess will be paired together, which will be interesting and exciting. She's new and learning and Antonio's an old pro and watching those two interact will be great. And then, Halstead and Upton, I think, ultimately will be a very interesting partnership. Jon Seda's character is coming back onto the team after moving to the State's Attorney's office so what brings him back into mix? How does that change the dynamic of Intelligence having him back? He comes back in the season premiere. The case we're involved in, there's a need for someone like Antonio, in particular a character that is unknown to the criminal element we're pursuing so Voight reaches out to Antonio and he becomes involved in the case and ultimately, Voight offers him the job and he decides to stay. I think being back with Intelligence and being in the middle of all that excitement; when we're talking amongst the writers, there's a war going on out there and he wants to be part of it. I think he felt like he might have been a little bit on the sidelines more at the State's Attorney's office and he wants to be in the middle of the fire. So that's why he comes back. The idea of why Voight wants him back is with all the oversight and all the eyes watching this unit, a standup, solid, morally unassailable character like Antonio is great for Voight. He's a guy that will keep him in check hopefully. We briefly met Hailey Upton at the end of last season, but what do you think she'll bring to the Unit this season now that she's working there full-time? She's smart, she's pretty fearless, she has a slightly different approach and viewpoint than some of the other characters. She's very pragmatic, she's a combination of street-smart and book-smart and she does it because she loves it. And so she's an interesting character that we're excited to explore week by week by week. Rather than just announcing these are all her attributes, I think we'll see them in focus episode by episode. Give your time on SVU last season, has there been any talk about a major crossover between SVU and P.D.? Those are two shows that have crossed over several times in the past. There's been no talk as of yet, but that doesn't mean there won't be talks down the road. Again, that's one of those things that a lot of people get involved in but I think I'd be excited to do it and we'll see what happens. Season five of Chicago P.D. premieres Wednesday, Sept. 27 at 10 p.m. on NBC. Comment: not here for a Halstead/Upton partnership.

[ambrosias-cottage]

Half-mortal Merlin Full Of Heart

April 26, 1998|By Nancy Mills.

Special to the Tribune.

BEACONSFIELD, ENGLAND — "Put the fawn in front of that rhododendron," director Steve Barron says. A burly zookeeper leads the wobbly animal on a leash across a muddy clearing. "Are the hedgehogs in position?" Barron demands, pointing at where they should be frolicking among the wet brown leaves. An owl is in place on the roof of an ancient hut.

Daylight is beginning to fade on this chilly winter afternoon as the cast and crew of "Merlin" rush to complete a shot. It's 800 AD, and Merlin is about to be told that the old King is dead. Who gives him the news? His talking horse.

"This is an enchanted forest, and we're trying to do enchanted lighting," jokes "Merlin" executive producer Robert Halmi, who has become television's biggest purveyor of fantasy. "Gulliver's Travels," "The Odyssey" and "Moby Dick" have led him to Arthurian mythology. "Our story encompasses the Holy Grail, Stonehenge, the Round Table, Camelot and Avalon," Halmi says. "Merlin tells the story of paganism giving way to Christianity in England. He's the catalyst."

"Merlin" stars Sam Neill as the sorcerer, along with Miranda Richardson as Mab, the Queen of Darkness, Martin Short as Mab's gnome Frik, Helena Bonham Carter as Morgan Le Fey, Isabella Rossellini as Nimue, Rutger Hauer as Lord Vortigern and John Gielgud as King Constant.

"Merlin is really an amalgam of charismatic figures that pop up in a lot of legends," says Neill, pleased to be playing the lead for a change, rather than a supporting player in such films as "Jurassic Park," "The Piano" and the upcoming "The Horse Whisperer." "What we have here are different accounts of the Arthurian cycle but told in a very big, adventurous way."

Dressed in gray fuzzy leggings, brown boots, green tunic and a dark green cape made of feathers, Neill looks like he belongs in the wilderness. "Merlin is such a great character because he sits in the middle of the web of history," he says. "I thought it would be fun to do. It's a story I'd want to see, and that's the acid test. My children will want to see it, and so will my mum.

"Merlin doesn't have an easy ride. What can go wrong will go wrong. He's half-mortal, so he's half flawed, but what makes him mortal is what makes him capable of fine things, too."

As Neill strides off to rehearse his horse-talking scene, his hair extensions brushing his shoulders, director Barron says of him, "I wanted an actor who was really generous with his compassion, someone you warm to and will be drawn in by. The key to Merlin is a certain stillness because he has all this madness and killing and betrayal going on around him. Nicol Williamson (who played Merlin in `Excalibur') was running around a little mad."

Many versions of the King Arthur story have been filmed, including "Camelot," "First Knight" and "Arthur the King."

"We've pieced together our own story from the legends," says Barron, who has come to specialize in films that have an element of fantasy -- "The Adventures of Pinocchio," "Coneheads," "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" and "Storyteller."

"Merlin was born out of necessity, created by Mab, Queen of the Fairies, in order to protect the old ways, her magic ways, which were dying out. She wanted him to be put on Earth to be protective of those ways.

"But Merlin rebels, and his mortal side takes over from the magic and is constantly fighting those powers. First he refuses them, then he embraces them by finding the right king to sit on the throne. Then he has to defeat what has become evil. Arthur is a significant part of the story, but he's the third king Merlin goes through."

"Merlin" is set earlier than other King Arthur films, which, Barron says, "tend to have a 13th Century pre-Raphaelite look. We don't have so much shining armor. The Roman influence is still around, there are wooden forts as well as castles, and the huts are very primitive."

He gestures toward the dwelling at the edge of the clearing, where Merlin was born and still lives. The walls are made of stone and the tepee-style roof of woven branches. Smoke rises from a hole in the roof's center. The design is based on research done at the British Museum.

"Historians believe there was a man named Arthur, and they've found a site where they think he lived and was buried," Barron says. "They think there probably was a man called Merlin. They've traced him back to 700 or 800. But no one knows who or what he was.

"The heart of our story is this guy who is half-mortal who falls in love (with Isabella Rossellini's Nimue) and is torn between his love and his duty. In the end it's a very dark tale, but it's also funny and witty."

Providing much of the fun is the Henson Creature Workshop, which will create a dragon, elves, fairies and a talking mountain.

"James Earl Jones is the mountain," producer Halmi says. "He's the one who hangs onto Excalibur. His hand is stone. He's holds Excalibur, and he only lets Arthur have it."

Halmi intends to turn "Merlin," which he says has a $30 million budget, into a full-scale industry. "I'm making a deal with the Franklin Mint to make a whole exhibit of `Merlin' characters," he says. "I'll novelize the screenplay. Maybe we'll turn it into a Broadway show. This isn't BBC boring stuff. This is show business."

[networkingdefinition]

Coconuts Quotes

Official Website: Coconuts Quotes

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• 150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine. – Jim Carrey • A plant-based diet has actually simplified my life in so many ways. For breakfast, I try to get my first serving of fruits and nuts for fuel. I’m completely addicted to coconut water for the electrolytes and hydration. – Michelle Forbes • Adrian sifted through the bags and pulled out a slice of coconut cream. “If I were a dragon, this is what I’d go for.” I didn’t argue, mainly because that statement had no logical argument. – Richelle Mead • Anyway, like I was saying, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sautes it. There’s, um, shrimp ka-bobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan-fried, deep-fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich… That’s, that’s about it. – Mykelti Williamson • Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? – Graham Chapman • At the end of the block where I used to live in Coconut Grove in Miami, there’s a swampy area, a no-name alcove with a little mangrove estuary. It’s beautiful. – Karen Russell

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Coconut', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_coconut').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_coconut img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother’s milk. – Dick Gregory • Coconut oil contains the most concentrated natural source of medium-chain fatty acids (MCFA) available. Substituting coconut oil for other vegetable oils in your diet will help promote weight loss. – Bruce Fife • Coconut oil has always been my favorite. Any dry spots I have I’ll put coconut oil on them because it’s a natural ingredient and it works better – than anything. – Shay Mitchell • Coconut oil has been described as the “World’s Healthiest Dietary Oil”. There is a mountain of historical evidence and medical research to verify this fact – Bruce Fife • Coconut oil is the healthiest oil on earth. – Bruce Fife • Eighteen luscuios scrumpitous flavors, Chocolate,Lime and Cherry Coffee,Pumpkin, Fudge-Banana, Caramel Cream and boysenberry. Rocky Road and Toasted Almond, Butterscotch,Vanilla Dip, Butter Brinkle, Apple Ripple,Coconut,and Mocha Chip, Brandy Peach and Lemon Custard. Each scoop lovely.smooth and round. Tallest cream cone in town lying there on the ground. – Shel Silverstein • For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair “look” that was originally popularized by coconuts. – Dave Barry • For I am coconut / and the heart of me / is sweeter / than you know. – Nikki Grimes • For people may not know what they think about politics in the Balkans, or the vexed question of men and women, but everyone has a definite opinion about the flavour of shredded coconut. – Louis Simpson • Her hands were empty now, as empty as her heart, which itself was a coconut shell with its meat scooped out. – Thrity Umrigar • I am a believer in nutrient timing and supplementation, through 8Zone. I love eggs, apples, wild fish, leafy greens, brown rice, pasta, oatmeal, home grown Washington Potatoes, and cooking with coconut and olive oils. – Apolo Ohno • I am the MacGyver of cooking. If you bring me a piece of bread, cabbage, coconut, mustard greens, pigs feet, pine cones…and a woodpecker, I’ll make you a good chicken pot pie. – Si Robertson • I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that ‘the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.’ I could not have phrased it better myself. – Dave Barry • I developed a passion for the Middle Ages the same way some people develop a passion for coconuts. – Umberto Eco • I drink a lot of coconut water. It balances out all the other toxic stuff I put into my body. – Rihanna • I drink coconut water before my workouts. It has just the right amount of calories and electrolytes to get me going. My body has actually started craving it. – Jennifer Morrison • I eat only white foods: eggs, sugar, grated bones, the fat of dead animals; veal, salt, coconut, chicken cooked in white water; fruit mold, rice, turnips; camphorated sausage, dough, cheese (white), cotton salad, and certain fish (skinless). – Erik Satie • I enjoy using coconut oil – not only for my skin and hair, but I’ll digest it. • I get stoned, I can’t get home, I’m calling long distance on a public saxophone. My head is achin’, my back is breakin’, feel I got run over by Captain Coconut and his dog named Rover. – Jimi Hendrix • I grew up with coconuts as the main flavor in food in Jamaica. It’s part of our culture. – Ziggy Marley • I happen to love coconut, particularly for that sweet and crunchy texture it adds to any dish. – Marcus Samuelsson • I have a coconut oil stick, which I use for everything – on my eye lids to make them shinier, on my lips, and on any dry skin. – Georgia May Jagger • I just feel like I aint never did nothing foul in the game. My ghetto report card has always been straight A’s across the board. So I said let me go ahead and name this “My Ghetto Report Card,” and I’m touching down on all 4 angles of the game you smell me? I’m touching it from all basis. The album aint banana’s, it’s coconuts. – E-40 • I knew he was unreliable, but he was fun to be with. He was a child’s ideal companion, full of surprises and happy animal energy. He enjoyed food and drink. He liked to try new things. He brought home coconuts, papayas, mangoes, and urged them on our reluctant conservative selves. On Sundays he liked to discover new places, take us on endless bus or trolley rides to some new park or beach he knew about. He always counseled daring, in whatever situation, the courage to test the unknown, an instruction that was thematically in opposition to my mother’s. – E. L. Doctorow • I love cakes. Chocolate and coconut cakes. I love that combination! – Adriana Lima • I love KIND bars. My favorites are coconut and almond and the dark chocolate and sea salt because staying fueled helps keep me from getting sick or injured. Bananas have also made a great comeback in my life. My kids eat them all the time on the go, which has inspired my go-to pre-run morning meal of peanut butter and banana on toast. – Summer Sanders • I love making Italian food. And coconut chicken. – Joe Jonas • I think I was a mermaid and I used to swim the shores or Hawaii and used to pop up and see coconuts and pineapples everywhere. – Ella Henderson • I think that the heart is a lot like those wonderful fruit, like coconut and mangoes, you know, you have to break the skin, you have to break it open to get to the good part. – Saul Williams • I try not to overeat (which is my biggest problem), and I find that when I’m eating quality foods from good sources, I don’t need to overeat to feel satisfied. I cook with healthy oils (olive, coconut) and stay away as much as possible from overly processed foods. When I do indulge, I enjoy it. For that moment. And then I balance it with exercise. – Adam Rodriguez • I try to eat healthy all the time. I don’t eat takeaways. I drink mostly water or coconut water. – Conor McGregor • I try to get seven to eight hours of sleep. Wash my hands a lot, take a few supplements, like omega-3 and vitamin D. When I feel a cold coming on, I pop some zinc. I do my best to eat a low-sodium, high-fiber diet. I drink mostly water or coconut water. I don’t smoke, no drugs, and drink red wine occasionally. – Andrea Navedo • I was at a speaking engagement for MIT… and I said, ‘The Professor has all sorts of degrees, including one from this very institution [MIT]! And that’s why I can make a radio out of a coconut, and not fix a hole in a boat!’ – Russell Johnson • I was in Cancun, Mexico, sitting in a disappearing-edge swimming pool, on a bar stool that was actually under the water, watching palm trees sway in a sultry breeze against the unmistakable aqua splendor of the Caribbean Sea; drinking coconut, lime, and tequila from a scooped-out pineapple, with salt spray of breaking surf and sun kissing my skin. Translation: I’d died and gone to heaven. – Karen Marie Moning • I was sometimes called ‘coconut’ when I was at school. – David Oyelowo • I will not go a day without coconut oil. I personally take four tablespoons per day, either on my salads, in my cooking or in my cups of green tea. – Miranda Kerr • I wish I could tell you about the South Pacific. The way it actually was. The endless ocean. The infinite specks of coral we called islands. Coconut palms nodding gracefully toward the ocean. Reefs upon which waves broke into spray, and inner lagoons, lovely beyond description. I wish I could tell you about the sweating jungle, the full moon rising behind the volcanoes, and the waiting. The waiting. The timeless, repetitive waiting. – James A. Michener • I would like magical palm tree that had a lot of shade with instead of coconuts there’s just peanut butter jelly sandwiches with cheetos underneath. And my wife that is always happy and possibly naked. – Channing Tatum • If you live on an atoll and you get a warning by radio that a big wave is coming and everyone is told to move to higher ground, where are you supposed to go on these islands? There is none. The highest ground is four-meters (around 13 feet) above sea level, meaning you’d be safer in a coconut tree. How, though, are you supposed to get your grandfather, grandmother and grandchildren up there? – Enele Sopoaga • If you take 12 waters from the coconut – not the ones you buy in the store, although that’s good – but the fresh coconuts, the little brown ones with the three eyes, if you take 12 of those within 24 hours, your blood will go back to the way it was when you were born. – Dick Gregory • I’ll admit that I do quite like drinks that come in coconut shells. So there’s always that. – Danica McKellar • I’m all about having one day during the week when I have an at-home spa day. That’s when I like to do my nails and moisturize, or do a coconut oil hair masque and clear out my blackheads with pore strips. That’s one of my favorite things. – Shay Mitchell • Im at a slightly higher risk for type 2 diabetes, and my grandmother had diabetes. My hemoglobin a1c, which is one of the measures, started being a little high when I was drinking a ton of that coconut water. – Anne Wojcicki • I’m just taking care of myself: Eating less, exercising more, drinking a lot of coconut water. – Jennie Garth • In the first weeks I had occasionally worn clothes in the morning before the sun began its ascent, but very soon I abandoned this habit, and the only bit of material I ever wore was the strip of sari cloth around my hips, which was so useful for making into a bag to collect coconuts on walks. – Lucy Irvine • In the garden of gentle sanity, May you be bombarded by coconuts of wakefulness. – Chogyam Trungpa • It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it. – Daniel Handler • It never takes longer than a few minutes, when they get together, for everyone to revert to the state of nature, like a party marooned by a shipwreck. That’s what a family is. Also the storm at sea, the ship, and the unknown shore. And the hats and the whiskey stills that you make out of bamboo and coconuts. And the fire that you light to keep away the beasts. – Michael Chabon • It was incredibly cheesy set with torches [TV’s Survivor] – it looked like the lobby of the Enchanted Tiki Room at Disneyland. And here as some guy pulling names out of a coconut, and I said, ‘This is the thing that has made American mass media stop in their tracks? – Tom Hanks • I’ve been doing this new ritual where the first thing I do in the morning is put a tablespoon of coconut oil in my mouth and swish it around. Then I put Kora Organics Rosehip Oil all over my body, which is incredible for your skin, and have a freezing-cold shower, all while I’m swishing the coconut oil in my mouth. It’s a way to get the circulation going and to make you feel reenergized and refreshed. – Miranda Kerr • Jemu watched his father disappear. He didn’t throw the coconut and he didn’t cry. Never again would he know love for another human being that wasn’t adulterated by another, contradictory emotion. – Kiran Desai • Love is also like a coconut which is good while it is fresh, but you have to spit it out when the juice is gone, what’s left tastes bitter. – Bertolt Brecht • My favorite food is macaroni and cheese that my grandma makes. My favorite drink has to be Vita Coco coconut water. – Sloane Stephens • My fridge is really just vegan: coconut water, Gatorade (my favorite!), cucumbers, mint, kale, vegetables, ginger, and wheat grass. – Serena Williams • My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It’s nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts. – Demetri Martin • My mom grew up in the Philippines, and she would use coconut oil. I put that in my hair always – literally, natural coconut oil that you use for cooking. I use that for my cuticles and dry spots on my skin too. – Shay Mitchell • My mother was very strong. Once, she picked up a coconut and smashed it against my father’s head. It taught me about women defending themselves and not collapsing in a heap. – Alice Walker • My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but can she climb a tree. – Henny Youngman • Natural beauty products are a must! I use coconut oil-based RMS makeup, and I slather almond oil on my hands to soak while I watch a movie. – Phoebe Tonkin • Numerous studies have clearly demonstrated that coconut oil has a neutral effect on cholesterol levels. The reason coconut oil does not adversely affect cholesterol is because it is composed primarily of medium-chain fatty acids (MCFA). These fatty acids are different from those commonly found in other food sources and are burned almost immediately for energy production, and so they are not converted into body fat or cholesterol to the degree other fats are and do not affect blood cholesterol levels. – Bruce Fife • Samuel Beckett’s ‘Waiting for Godot,’ billed as ‘the laugh sensation of two continents,’ made its American debut at the Coconut Grove Playhouse, in Miami, Florida, in 1956. My father, Bert Lahr, was playing Estragon, one of the two bowler-hatted tramps who pass the time in a lunar landscape as they wait in vain for the arrival of a Mr. Godot. – John Lahr • Skeletons of mice are often to be found in coconuts, for it is easier to get in, slim and greedy, than to get out, appeased but fat. – Viktor Korchnoi • Snooki is a bestselling author? Huh? What? I don’t know if I should dumb down my book, shoot myself or find a publisher who’ll settle for a rough draft written on a Pop-Tart and a coconut lotion handie. – Geoffrey Hill • sometimes you get run down. sometimes life throws dirt in your eyes and it stings and you can’t see for a few minutes. even after you get it out your eyes are all red and your vision is shitty… but eventually, whether through tears or maybe just time… you start to see even clearer than before. life is not always good. which is why music exists. why i believe God exists. and why there’s always a pint of coconut milk ice cream in my freezer. – Hayley Williams • The coconut trees, lithe and graceful, crowd the beach like a minuet of slender elderly virgins adopting flippant poses. – William Manchester • The cyclone ends. The sun returns; the lofty coconut trees lift up their plumes again; man does likewise. The great anguish is over; joy has returned; the sea smiles like a child. – Paul Gauguin • The only time I feel at ease is swinging up and down in a coconut tree. – Ray Davies • The single greatest invention man ever conceived in the dollar bill, because I don’t want to know the conversion rate for coconuts. – John Smith • The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk. – Dustin Hoffman • There is no way to understand the public reaction to the sight of a Freak smashing a coconut with a hammer on the hood of a white Cadillac in a Safeway parking lot unless you actually do it, and I tell you it’s tense. – Hunter S. Thompson • There is one fat that diabetics can eat without fear. That fat is coconut oil. Not only does it not contribute to diabetes but it helps regulate blood sugar, thus lessening the effects of the disease – Bruce Fife • There’s lotion for your face, for your hands, for your feet, for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping? Each kind has something special in it – aloe, shea butter, coconut, cocoa butter, vanilla, lemon extract. That’s not lotion. That’s one ingredient short of a Bundt cake. – Ellen DeGeneres • Well in two months, it’d be sunbathing time. That made me smile. I enjoyed lying in the sun in a little bikini, timing myself carefully so I didn’t burn. I loved the smell of coconut oil. And I don’t want to hear any lectures about how bad tanning is for you. That’s my vice. Everybody gets one. – Charlaine Harris • What is meditation?… It is fleeing from the self, it is a short escape of the agony of being a self, it is a short numbing of the senses against the pain and the pointlessness of life. The same escape, the same short numbing is what the driver of an ox-cart finds in the inn, drinking a few bowls of rice wine or fermented coconut-milk. – Hermann Hesse • What kind of tea do you want?” “There´s more than one kind of tea?…What do you have?” “Let´s see… Blueberry, Raspberry, Ginseng, Sleepytime, Green Tea, Green Tea with Lemon, Green Tea with Lemon and Honey, Liver Disaster, Ginger with Honey, Ginger Without Honey, Vanilla Almond, White Truffle Coconut, Chamomile, Blueberry Chamomile, Decaf Vanilla Walnut, Constant Comment and Earl Grey.” -“I.. Uh…What are you having?… Did you make some of those up? – Bryan Lee O’Malley • When I lie on the beach there naked, which I do sometimes, and I feel the wind coming over me and I see the stars up above and I am looking into this very deep, indescribable night, it is something that escapes my vocabulary to describe. Then I think: ‘God, I have no importance. Whatever I do or don’t do, or what anybody does, is not more important than the grains of sand that I am lying on, or the coconut that I am using for my pillow.’ So I really don’t think in the long sense. – Marlon Brando • Yes, we could solve for why, but we could also eat another slice of coconut cake. – Sam Lipsyte • You plant twenty coconut trees over here, and twenty coconut trees over there, and you water this batch and don’t water that batch. Of the batch you water, nineteen will survive and one will die. Of the batch you don’t water, nineteen will die and one will survive. – Randall Robinson [clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

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[equitiesstocks]

Coconuts Quotes

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• 150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine. – Jim Carrey • A plant-based diet has actually simplified my life in so many ways. For breakfast, I try to get my first serving of fruits and nuts for fuel. I’m completely addicted to coconut water for the electrolytes and hydration. – Michelle Forbes • Adrian sifted through the bags and pulled out a slice of coconut cream. “If I were a dragon, this is what I’d go for.” I didn’t argue, mainly because that statement had no logical argument. – Richelle Mead • Anyway, like I was saying, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sautes it. There’s, um, shrimp ka-bobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan-fried, deep-fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich… That’s, that’s about it. – Mykelti Williamson • Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? – Graham Chapman • At the end of the block where I used to live in Coconut Grove in Miami, there’s a swampy area, a no-name alcove with a little mangrove estuary. It’s beautiful. – Karen Russell

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Coconut', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_coconut').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_coconut img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother’s milk. – Dick Gregory • Coconut oil contains the most concentrated natural source of medium-chain fatty acids (MCFA) available. Substituting coconut oil for other vegetable oils in your diet will help promote weight loss. – Bruce Fife • Coconut oil has always been my favorite. Any dry spots I have I’ll put coconut oil on them because it’s a natural ingredient and it works better – than anything. – Shay Mitchell • Coconut oil has been described as the “World’s Healthiest Dietary Oil”. There is a mountain of historical evidence and medical research to verify this fact – Bruce Fife • Coconut oil is the healthiest oil on earth. – Bruce Fife • Eighteen luscuios scrumpitous flavors, Chocolate,Lime and Cherry Coffee,Pumpkin, Fudge-Banana, Caramel Cream and boysenberry. Rocky Road and Toasted Almond, Butterscotch,Vanilla Dip, Butter Brinkle, Apple Ripple,Coconut,and Mocha Chip, Brandy Peach and Lemon Custard. Each scoop lovely.smooth and round. Tallest cream cone in town lying there on the ground. – Shel Silverstein • For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair “look” that was originally popularized by coconuts. – Dave Barry • For I am coconut / and the heart of me / is sweeter / than you know. – Nikki Grimes • For people may not know what they think about politics in the Balkans, or the vexed question of men and women, but everyone has a definite opinion about the flavour of shredded coconut. – Louis Simpson • Her hands were empty now, as empty as her heart, which itself was a coconut shell with its meat scooped out. – Thrity Umrigar • I am a believer in nutrient timing and supplementation, through 8Zone. I love eggs, apples, wild fish, leafy greens, brown rice, pasta, oatmeal, home grown Washington Potatoes, and cooking with coconut and olive oils. – Apolo Ohno • I am the MacGyver of cooking. If you bring me a piece of bread, cabbage, coconut, mustard greens, pigs feet, pine cones…and a woodpecker, I’ll make you a good chicken pot pie. – Si Robertson • I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that ‘the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.’ I could not have phrased it better myself. – Dave Barry • I developed a passion for the Middle Ages the same way some people develop a passion for coconuts. – Umberto Eco • I drink a lot of coconut water. It balances out all the other toxic stuff I put into my body. – Rihanna • I drink coconut water before my workouts. It has just the right amount of calories and electrolytes to get me going. My body has actually started craving it. – Jennifer Morrison • I eat only white foods: eggs, sugar, grated bones, the fat of dead animals; veal, salt, coconut, chicken cooked in white water; fruit mold, rice, turnips; camphorated sausage, dough, cheese (white), cotton salad, and certain fish (skinless). – Erik Satie • I enjoy using coconut oil – not only for my skin and hair, but I’ll digest it. • I get stoned, I can’t get home, I’m calling long distance on a public saxophone. My head is achin’, my back is breakin’, feel I got run over by Captain Coconut and his dog named Rover. – Jimi Hendrix • I grew up with coconuts as the main flavor in food in Jamaica. It’s part of our culture. – Ziggy Marley • I happen to love coconut, particularly for that sweet and crunchy texture it adds to any dish. – Marcus Samuelsson • I have a coconut oil stick, which I use for everything – on my eye lids to make them shinier, on my lips, and on any dry skin. – Georgia May Jagger • I just feel like I aint never did nothing foul in the game. My ghetto report card has always been straight A’s across the board. So I said let me go ahead and name this “My Ghetto Report Card,” and I’m touching down on all 4 angles of the game you smell me? I’m touching it from all basis. The album aint banana’s, it’s coconuts. – E-40 • I knew he was unreliable, but he was fun to be with. He was a child’s ideal companion, full of surprises and happy animal energy. He enjoyed food and drink. He liked to try new things. He brought home coconuts, papayas, mangoes, and urged them on our reluctant conservative selves. On Sundays he liked to discover new places, take us on endless bus or trolley rides to some new park or beach he knew about. He always counseled daring, in whatever situation, the courage to test the unknown, an instruction that was thematically in opposition to my mother’s. – E. L. Doctorow • I love cakes. Chocolate and coconut cakes. I love that combination! – Adriana Lima • I love KIND bars. My favorites are coconut and almond and the dark chocolate and sea salt because staying fueled helps keep me from getting sick or injured. Bananas have also made a great comeback in my life. My kids eat them all the time on the go, which has inspired my go-to pre-run morning meal of peanut butter and banana on toast. – Summer Sanders • I love making Italian food. And coconut chicken. – Joe Jonas • I think I was a mermaid and I used to swim the shores or Hawaii and used to pop up and see coconuts and pineapples everywhere. – Ella Henderson • I think that the heart is a lot like those wonderful fruit, like coconut and mangoes, you know, you have to break the skin, you have to break it open to get to the good part. – Saul Williams • I try not to overeat (which is my biggest problem), and I find that when I’m eating quality foods from good sources, I don’t need to overeat to feel satisfied. I cook with healthy oils (olive, coconut) and stay away as much as possible from overly processed foods. When I do indulge, I enjoy it. For that moment. And then I balance it with exercise. – Adam Rodriguez • I try to eat healthy all the time. I don’t eat takeaways. I drink mostly water or coconut water. – Conor McGregor • I try to get seven to eight hours of sleep. Wash my hands a lot, take a few supplements, like omega-3 and vitamin D. When I feel a cold coming on, I pop some zinc. I do my best to eat a low-sodium, high-fiber diet. I drink mostly water or coconut water. I don’t smoke, no drugs, and drink red wine occasionally. – Andrea Navedo • I was at a speaking engagement for MIT… and I said, ‘The Professor has all sorts of degrees, including one from this very institution [MIT]! And that’s why I can make a radio out of a coconut, and not fix a hole in a boat!’ – Russell Johnson • I was in Cancun, Mexico, sitting in a disappearing-edge swimming pool, on a bar stool that was actually under the water, watching palm trees sway in a sultry breeze against the unmistakable aqua splendor of the Caribbean Sea; drinking coconut, lime, and tequila from a scooped-out pineapple, with salt spray of breaking surf and sun kissing my skin. Translation: I’d died and gone to heaven. – Karen Marie Moning • I was sometimes called ‘coconut’ when I was at school. – David Oyelowo • I will not go a day without coconut oil. I personally take four tablespoons per day, either on my salads, in my cooking or in my cups of green tea. – Miranda Kerr • I wish I could tell you about the South Pacific. The way it actually was. The endless ocean. The infinite specks of coral we called islands. Coconut palms nodding gracefully toward the ocean. Reefs upon which waves broke into spray, and inner lagoons, lovely beyond description. I wish I could tell you about the sweating jungle, the full moon rising behind the volcanoes, and the waiting. The waiting. The timeless, repetitive waiting. – James A. Michener • I would like magical palm tree that had a lot of shade with instead of coconuts there’s just peanut butter jelly sandwiches with cheetos underneath. And my wife that is always happy and possibly naked. – Channing Tatum • If you live on an atoll and you get a warning by radio that a big wave is coming and everyone is told to move to higher ground, where are you supposed to go on these islands? There is none. The highest ground is four-meters (around 13 feet) above sea level, meaning you’d be safer in a coconut tree. How, though, are you supposed to get your grandfather, grandmother and grandchildren up there? – Enele Sopoaga • If you take 12 waters from the coconut – not the ones you buy in the store, although that’s good – but the fresh coconuts, the little brown ones with the three eyes, if you take 12 of those within 24 hours, your blood will go back to the way it was when you were born. – Dick Gregory • I’ll admit that I do quite like drinks that come in coconut shells. So there’s always that. – Danica McKellar • I’m all about having one day during the week when I have an at-home spa day. That’s when I like to do my nails and moisturize, or do a coconut oil hair masque and clear out my blackheads with pore strips. That’s one of my favorite things. – Shay Mitchell • Im at a slightly higher risk for type 2 diabetes, and my grandmother had diabetes. My hemoglobin a1c, which is one of the measures, started being a little high when I was drinking a ton of that coconut water. – Anne Wojcicki • I’m just taking care of myself: Eating less, exercising more, drinking a lot of coconut water. – Jennie Garth • In the first weeks I had occasionally worn clothes in the morning before the sun began its ascent, but very soon I abandoned this habit, and the only bit of material I ever wore was the strip of sari cloth around my hips, which was so useful for making into a bag to collect coconuts on walks. – Lucy Irvine • In the garden of gentle sanity, May you be bombarded by coconuts of wakefulness. – Chogyam Trungpa • It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it. – Daniel Handler • It never takes longer than a few minutes, when they get together, for everyone to revert to the state of nature, like a party marooned by a shipwreck. That’s what a family is. Also the storm at sea, the ship, and the unknown shore. And the hats and the whiskey stills that you make out of bamboo and coconuts. And the fire that you light to keep away the beasts. – Michael Chabon • It was incredibly cheesy set with torches [TV’s Survivor] – it looked like the lobby of the Enchanted Tiki Room at Disneyland. And here as some guy pulling names out of a coconut, and I said, ‘This is the thing that has made American mass media stop in their tracks? – Tom Hanks • I’ve been doing this new ritual where the first thing I do in the morning is put a tablespoon of coconut oil in my mouth and swish it around. Then I put Kora Organics Rosehip Oil all over my body, which is incredible for your skin, and have a freezing-cold shower, all while I’m swishing the coconut oil in my mouth. It’s a way to get the circulation going and to make you feel reenergized and refreshed. – Miranda Kerr • Jemu watched his father disappear. He didn’t throw the coconut and he didn’t cry. Never again would he know love for another human being that wasn’t adulterated by another, contradictory emotion. – Kiran Desai • Love is also like a coconut which is good while it is fresh, but you have to spit it out when the juice is gone, what’s left tastes bitter. – Bertolt Brecht • My favorite food is macaroni and cheese that my grandma makes. My favorite drink has to be Vita Coco coconut water. – Sloane Stephens • My fridge is really just vegan: coconut water, Gatorade (my favorite!), cucumbers, mint, kale, vegetables, ginger, and wheat grass. – Serena Williams • My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It’s nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts. – Demetri Martin • My mom grew up in the Philippines, and she would use coconut oil. I put that in my hair always – literally, natural coconut oil that you use for cooking. I use that for my cuticles and dry spots on my skin too. – Shay Mitchell • My mother was very strong. Once, she picked up a coconut and smashed it against my father’s head. It taught me about women defending themselves and not collapsing in a heap. – Alice Walker • My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but can she climb a tree. – Henny Youngman • Natural beauty products are a must! I use coconut oil-based RMS makeup, and I slather almond oil on my hands to soak while I watch a movie. – Phoebe Tonkin • Numerous studies have clearly demonstrated that coconut oil has a neutral effect on cholesterol levels. The reason coconut oil does not adversely affect cholesterol is because it is composed primarily of medium-chain fatty acids (MCFA). These fatty acids are different from those commonly found in other food sources and are burned almost immediately for energy production, and so they are not converted into body fat or cholesterol to the degree other fats are and do not affect blood cholesterol levels. – Bruce Fife • Samuel Beckett’s ‘Waiting for Godot,’ billed as ‘the laugh sensation of two continents,’ made its American debut at the Coconut Grove Playhouse, in Miami, Florida, in 1956. My father, Bert Lahr, was playing Estragon, one of the two bowler-hatted tramps who pass the time in a lunar landscape as they wait in vain for the arrival of a Mr. Godot. – John Lahr • Skeletons of mice are often to be found in coconuts, for it is easier to get in, slim and greedy, than to get out, appeased but fat. – Viktor Korchnoi • Snooki is a bestselling author? Huh? What? I don’t know if I should dumb down my book, shoot myself or find a publisher who’ll settle for a rough draft written on a Pop-Tart and a coconut lotion handie. – Geoffrey Hill • sometimes you get run down. sometimes life throws dirt in your eyes and it stings and you can’t see for a few minutes. even after you get it out your eyes are all red and your vision is shitty… but eventually, whether through tears or maybe just time… you start to see even clearer than before. life is not always good. which is why music exists. why i believe God exists. and why there’s always a pint of coconut milk ice cream in my freezer. – Hayley Williams • The coconut trees, lithe and graceful, crowd the beach like a minuet of slender elderly virgins adopting flippant poses. – William Manchester • The cyclone ends. The sun returns; the lofty coconut trees lift up their plumes again; man does likewise. The great anguish is over; joy has returned; the sea smiles like a child. – Paul Gauguin • The only time I feel at ease is swinging up and down in a coconut tree. – Ray Davies • The single greatest invention man ever conceived in the dollar bill, because I don’t want to know the conversion rate for coconuts. – John Smith • The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk. – Dustin Hoffman • There is no way to understand the public reaction to the sight of a Freak smashing a coconut with a hammer on the hood of a white Cadillac in a Safeway parking lot unless you actually do it, and I tell you it’s tense. – Hunter S. Thompson • There is one fat that diabetics can eat without fear. That fat is coconut oil. Not only does it not contribute to diabetes but it helps regulate blood sugar, thus lessening the effects of the disease – Bruce Fife • There’s lotion for your face, for your hands, for your feet, for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping? Each kind has something special in it – aloe, shea butter, coconut, cocoa butter, vanilla, lemon extract. That’s not lotion. That’s one ingredient short of a Bundt cake. – Ellen DeGeneres • Well in two months, it’d be sunbathing time. That made me smile. I enjoyed lying in the sun in a little bikini, timing myself carefully so I didn’t burn. I loved the smell of coconut oil. And I don’t want to hear any lectures about how bad tanning is for you. That’s my vice. Everybody gets one. – Charlaine Harris • What is meditation?… It is fleeing from the self, it is a short escape of the agony of being a self, it is a short numbing of the senses against the pain and the pointlessness of life. The same escape, the same short numbing is what the driver of an ox-cart finds in the inn, drinking a few bowls of rice wine or fermented coconut-milk. – Hermann Hesse • What kind of tea do you want?” “There´s more than one kind of tea?…What do you have?” “Let´s see… Blueberry, Raspberry, Ginseng, Sleepytime, Green Tea, Green Tea with Lemon, Green Tea with Lemon and Honey, Liver Disaster, Ginger with Honey, Ginger Without Honey, Vanilla Almond, White Truffle Coconut, Chamomile, Blueberry Chamomile, Decaf Vanilla Walnut, Constant Comment and Earl Grey.” -“I.. Uh…What are you having?… Did you make some of those up? – Bryan Lee O’Malley • When I lie on the beach there naked, which I do sometimes, and I feel the wind coming over me and I see the stars up above and I am looking into this very deep, indescribable night, it is something that escapes my vocabulary to describe. Then I think: ‘God, I have no importance. Whatever I do or don’t do, or what anybody does, is not more important than the grains of sand that I am lying on, or the coconut that I am using for my pillow.’ So I really don’t think in the long sense. – Marlon Brando • Yes, we could solve for why, but we could also eat another slice of coconut cake. – Sam Lipsyte • You plant twenty coconut trees over here, and twenty coconut trees over there, and you water this batch and don’t water that batch. Of the batch you water, nineteen will survive and one will die. Of the batch you don’t water, nineteen will die and one will survive. – Randall Robinson [clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

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[bluescarabguy]

Why does that certain handful of talented voice actors have to be such dumb old people (even when they're not actually that old)?

Maurice LaMarche chose to put out a point about "you can be conservative and support gun control" in the same tweet as "you can be liberal and hate political correctness". Y'know, as if political correctness (aka people telling you to not be a dick to the marginalized) and easy access to guns leading to rampant gun violence are somehow equivalent issues that should be brought up in the same sentence. Also, y'know, that part where after Chris Hardwick got MeToo'd, when Nerdist's internal investigation decided that his name wasn't going to taint the brand (NOT that he didn't do what he was accused of), LaMarche was like "it's great to hear my good friend Chris has been exonerated".

Greg Cipes takes his hippy shit to far are literally tweeted anti-vax shit, like "I believe in vaccines being good but also them causing autism is totally real, it happened to a friend of mine". And when he was rightfully called out on it, Tara Strong asked people to stop harassing him (being told "don't be an anti-vaxxer, asshole" isn't harassment). I'm here like, if you don't AGREE with his views, maybe YOU should speak to your friend and tell him he's full of shit, he might listen to it coming from you?

But Tara....Tara seems like a really sweet person but she appears to be unironically supporting Marianne Williamson, who's said that the medicalization of depression is a bad thing and is practically a healing-crystals-and-meditation self help guru? Could you not?

Argh.