#and he lashes out at everyone which makes it worse. I cannot stress enough that his problems are his fault here bro ppl may encourage him

[starlooove]

Whoever said batfam was getting too chummy ur right. I want them to stop being happy now sorry

[teamfortresstwo]

There’s not a specific name for what ares and Hannah experience because it’s dependent on their skills, but I’ve always considered it a branch of schizophrenia, because it certainly draws ideas from real and existing ideas. The main difference between the 2 ideas is how it’s caused/the initial onset, but most symptoms ares experiences are near identical to schizophrenia and any medication that would work for it would still work. <- sort of a disclaimer almost? I always feel a need to clarify.

Hannah’s hallucinations are mentioned to have occurred while she was with aion, but got severely worse after aion disappeared. This is because the symptoms don’t start during periods of high stress or even just in normal daily life at normal. Hannah’s symptoms started at possibly 22, while for ares it started at about 30, which is also nothing to do with how it develops. With how this specific disorder works, it exclusively starts when someone experiences times of extended lack of stress or an odd calmness. Hannah’s emotional stability balanced out when she started working with aion, because the lack of nervous or daily stimuli caused her skill to create new patterns of thought to make up for this. It’s almost like how allergies occur, the immune system believes something normal to be dangerous and tries to attack it, but the mind has a confused response to heighten relaxation. This fortunately means it only shows up when someone would likely have comfortable time and support systems to deal with it; Hannah coped well enough to keep working perfectly fine with aion until aion disappeared. The signs remain stably “uncomfortable to live with but certainly liveable” until someone falls back into stress without support, when it gets MUCH worse; causes Hannah to lose most ability to live independently. It’s much harder to recover from this point onwards.

With ares, he was never really even fully calm after he met dolos because the knowledge that people were looking for him and that they could technically bring oulixes back was always there. He was happy and capable of having a really nice life, but didn’t reach a baseline of actually fully calm enough for signs to start. After he drowns oulixes though, he feels genuinely as if no one could hurt him for the first time in his life. Without context it’d be easy to assume it’s having seen Oulixes’ corpse speaking or threatening him that did it, but it’s not. It’s how safe he felt after that was done. Now, logically, ares has support systems. He has dolos and Lilith and friends who care about him and people he can go to. It should not have hit him as hard as it did. But unfortunately, 2 key things stopped him. 1. ‘Oulixes’ convinced her that the people she cared about had limited patience; she should be better now and she’s not and soon they’re going to get fed up and stop caring. He also created a fear of appearing like Oulixes should she panic and lash out. Wrath was originally much crueler, per se, than ares, and oulixes used him as a “This is how everyone sees you. They all think you’re just like me”. 2. Ares remembers how Hannah was manipulated by oulixes because she suffered from the same thing. He only ever saw her like that. He has a very instinctive fear of telling people he suffers from the same thing because he could be manipulated, he could lose any control he has, anyone could trick him, maybe he just can’t trust anyone, even if they care they could probably do it by mistake- the fear is mainly nonsensical but with how he saw Hannah his entire life, it’s completely understandable.

yeah . 👍

Wait so: Does stress make the symptoms worse or was Hannah purposefully deprived of stimuli ?

OHHHHH . Okay yeah that’s . Really fucked up man . God that’s - yeah . Fuck .

My guys literally cannot catch a break . What if schizophrenia worked like an appendix that actively hated you .

Shit…. At least he has Zephyrus ? I appreciate that Ares goes to him because he doesn’t care about what he thinks so he’s allowed to be annoying and run his patience thin . I hope eventually he realizes Dolos and Lilith will support him anyways, especially since Zephyrus eventually runs away to America with Lucifer, hypothetically .

[true-blue-sonic]

Hi Blue! 1.Love ur work!! 2.If silver were to have a panic attack or something like that, how do you think Espio would react?

Thank you!💕

What I personally like to think about Silver having a panic attack is, because his powers are linked to his mind, that he loses control over them completely. Because his powers notice their master is in great distress, they'll do their very best to protect him! Cue a massive chaos with PK going absolutely haywire and lashing out at everyone and everything, forming a whirlwind around Silver that is all but impenetrable. Which, of course, makes it impossible for anyone to reach him and try to calm him down in that way... And Silver's panic might only become worse in a vicious cycle because his powers lash out in that way, but he is unable to put a stop to it.

Regarding Espio, I think he knows that it is vital that he himself stays calm while Silver is panicking. After all, he cannot be of any help if he himself begins stressing about what is happening... even if the fact Silver's powers are completely out of control is not exactly helping there. Still, I think it would be sweet if Silver's PK knew it can trust Espio, and thus allows him to get closer to Silver than other people. Espio would furthermore be able to calm Silver by first talking to him gently, and once Silver has acknowledged Espio is there he can try touching him and grounding him further. It's a good thing Espio has the patience of a saint, because I can imagine it takes a while before Silver calms down enough to be able to listen! But once Silver's panicking has quieted down his powers do too, and it's easier for Espio to give him the support he needs. So generally, Espio knows to take his time, and he can calmly tell Silver what to do to help him get through his panic attack further.

Also this is just me being a shipper but it'd be really sweet if Silver is EXHAUSTED afterwards, both because of his powers going nuts and because panic attacks take a lot out of people in general, and he knows he can safely fall asleep in Espio's arms to recover <3

[fallenangelofsalt]

[Inkloop] I understand. Making them suffer out of affection XD If the madness fluctuates, is the RTLC (except Yuu) affected as well? Canon OBs also get extra powers? Also damn, poor Jamil. A terrible case of wrong time, wrong place, wrong words. Looks like Kalim got 3 of the elements, I guess the only upside is that it's during winter break? But seeing those 3 OBs, the death toll must be immense and those loops probably can't be salvaged anymore

The magic causing the loops to reset and what is causing the overblots are different. In fact, the loops are to the RTLC's advantage, because avoiding deaths during OBs is near impossible in this AU. They are mostly protected from the madness but it can creep in along with blot.

They do get extra powers. Azul is about half the size of Giant Ursula, Jamil has poison and his magic is boosted by A Lot, plus some horrifying shapeshifting process that can give him a snake tail, and have you ever whatched The Lion Guard? You know the Super Roar given only to the leader? Leona has it. I don't know about the rest yet.

Yeah, poor Jamil, especially since Kalim's OB is extremelly focused on him. It was originally going to be a desperate suicide attempt because in previous versions the resets couldn't bring back someone who died from their own OB, because I used to not like Grim so I decided to kill him off. But now he's just angry and lashing out, which is especially bad because now he's fully consumed by the madness and now it's basically a Jamil-centric torture-themed whumpfest. Like, I cannot stress enough just how unhinged OB!Kalim is and that Jamil is actually getting tortured here.

It gets even worse considering he has no idea why this is happening. From Jamil's perspective the oblivious but well meaning dumbass that has basically worshipped him for as long as they knew each other has suddently decided he is the scum of the earth and keeps forcing him to play mancala and threatening to cut one of his fingers off everytime Jamil loses (and he was not bluffing).

This AU may be focused on the RTLC but everyone else suffers just as much. They just forget.

[asimpletroll]

(A) (M) Chisaki Kai X (O) (F) Reader

You?

You were the Omega who had been stinking up his base for the last month?

YOU?

"-so sorry, so so sorry, I didn't see you, I was looking for Eri, Rappa startled her again, I swear I didn't mean to bump you-" You babble at Chisaki, close to your heat and scared of every Alpha in the base at the moment. You don't realize how his eyes have zeroed in on you, you're too busy cowering against the wall, trying to apologize and make sure he doesn't hit you, or worse.

"Be quiet." You immediately shut up, your throat feeling constricted even though he didn't use his Alpha tone or his Quirk on you, you look at him with watering (e/c) orbs as he strides over, taking off his coat slowly. "Your slick is dripping. I'll have someone else look for Eri, you need to get to your nest."

"...I...I live in the barracks, I-I can't-"

"Then come with me." He wraps an arm around you with care he never uses, making sure to keep his coat (you're so small it drops nearly to your knees, and Chisaki is swooning on the inside at how cute you look) between the two of you and wrapped securely around you so that no one else sees your current...predicament.

Chisaki notices your fear increasing, almost every step towards his private wing making you pump out more and more fear in your scent.

Normally, he can't even smell you, which is mildly disappointing to him because you smell citrus-y and a little sweet, but it was always very subtle and clean.

Now, all he could smell was your fear, and the urge to hole you away from everyone and everything was making him very twitchy as he opens the door to his wing.

You instinctively pause upon the threshold, your Omega screaming that this means this Alpha likes you, that it was time to Mate. Chisaki waits for you patiently, knowing the battle you're fighting and being fascinated by the micro-expressions racing through you. Your pupils twitch slightly in every which way, your ears perk and shift a little with noises, and your nose wrinkles a little (like the bunny he had as a child would) as you get particularly stressed.

"I cannot find you someplace comfortable if we loiter for much longer." He finally speaks up and tells you, you flinch a little, but follow his unmentioned command of 'hurry up' and almost bump into him again as he closes the door.

As soon as it shuts, lights flick on, and this time he gently wraps an arm around your waist as you spook. He gently lets you recover from your heart attack adjust to his touch, then guides you past several rooms that reek of other Alphas to you, and the locks on the door along with how reinforced they are tell you all you need to know about what might be in those rooms.

"I am unfamiliar with creating a space for a Heat, but I understand you require lots of blankets and soft things?" Chisaki asks you lowly, he spots the tiny hairs on the back of your neck rising, and your own scent smells sweeter, even with the fear overlaying it.

"Yes." You whisper, and try to hide (due to his lack of comment, you guess you hide it) the fact that you get mildly horny at just his voice.

Chisaki is amused by this, mostly by the fact that your entire face had turned red and was a very clear indicator of your dilemma to him.

"Why are you so afraid, Omega?" He asks you conversationally, as if he had by total and complete accident of course not dropped his voice several octaves just fool with you. You repress a shiver, and he grins under his mask, a very feral and smug grin, as he gently inhales your sweetened scent a bit more.

"M-My parents...they didn't...didn't want an Omega...didn't want me...so they would destroy my nests...even before I was revealed to be Quirkless..." You murmur quietly, timidly almost, to him, and he feels himself harden at how perfect you were for him.

"Why would they do that? Children smaller than four years old require softness or they are in danger of chewing something into pieces or eating it whole." Chisaki keeps his voice low, loving how you try and repress another shiver, and your pheromones almost choke him as he tries to gently sniff them again.

If you two didn't find an appropriate area soon, he may simply take you to his den, which would be twice as dangerous for the both of you.

"I...I don't know...it was...mildly better...after my little brother was born. He was a boy, an Alpha too, and he had a Quirk." You tell him, trying to make your clenching pelvic muscles stop their ridiculousness. Chisaki is too busy rolling his eyes to notice that you're starting to hold on to his coat a little tighter to try and hide the fact that your pants are officially soaked through.

"Oh...they're those types of people..." Chisaki says, his voice the lowest yet in barely-withheld rage, and a pitched whine escapes you before you wrap a hand around the base of your throat. Chisaki almost walks into a wall in surprise, you immediately sidestep as he steadies himself.

"I'm sorry-" You immediately return to the babbling mess you were in the hall, trying to appease him when even you can tell he isn't angry, in fact, if the crinkles by his eyes are any indicator, he's smiling under his mask.

But you're scared. And horny. So you run your mouth without thinking, apologizing frantically before he gently wraps his arm around your waist, he gently tugs you close to him, you keep your eyes averted and lowered to the floor, but he removes his face mask entirely in order to kiss your forehead gently.

You clench the hand around your throat tighter as he re-places his mask back on his face, he then runs a hand through your short hair tenderly. You look up at him from under your eyebrows, your lashes dark and long and thick as they frame your gorgeous (e/c) orbs.

"You simply startled me, there is no reason to apologize." He rumbles to you, his voice much lower now as his Alpha starts to really push for some attention. He watches with amusement and arousal as you clench your legs together, the slick now dripping low enough for him to see it, even with his jacket around you. "But may I ask you something?"

"Y-Yes, sir." You squeak, Chisaki goes from hard to full-blown, raging erection, you can barely hear him inhale, a very subtle noise that doesn't quite click in your mind until he presses the two of you together.

"...have you ever had an Alpha before?" He purrs, your eyes nearly roll into the back of your head and all the fear leaves you immediately as you melt into him. "I'm guessing not."

"N-None o-of them-" You squeak slightly in indignation as Chisaki plucks you up from the floor like a ragdoll, gathering you into his chest and not minding your wet and sticky slick soaking into his chest. "-None of them ever w-wanted a Q-Quirkless Omega."

Chisaki is immediately disappointed, not in you or anything about you, but at the rest of society for letting such a sweet and pure thing sink so low as him.

"They were fools then, and did not deserve you." Chisaki turns down a hall, and it's getting very hard for you to not nuzzle him. His musky, beautiful scent was everything you've ever liked, blended together in such a complex way you couldn't describe all of the unique notes and subtle tones of it. Chisaki notices you eyeing his neck and gently presses your face into it, you let out a startled, but pleasantly so, squeak, and he purrs for real this time at the adorable noise.

Your slick surges and you let out a much higher-pitched purr, leaning in against him as he opens a door quietly, the hall light flicks off and leaves you in darkness before Chisaki gently closes the door with his heel. You've buried your face in his neck, blinding yourself to the fact that Chisaki has brought you to his room, his den and haven.

At least, until his no-longer-gloved hands sneak their way under his jacket, undoing a single button on your shirt to lay themselves on your bare waist. You gasp softly in surprise, moving your face from his neck just enough to give him a startled look.

He nuzzles you, closing his eyes and leaning his back against the door as he openly relaxes, holding you close while gently fondling your slightly-chubby-but-not-noticeably waist.

"C-Chisaki?" You squeak, one of his hands immediately rolls your shirt up and off of you, you squeak again in surprise, but he tossing your shirt and his coat haphazardly onto the floor. You immediately cover your breasts, your face once again blushing strongly, and he quickly does away with his masks as well, hanging them on a hook by the door as he gently turns your face to his by tenderly grasping your chin.

"I want you, Omega. I want you, (Y/N)." He rumbles, striding forward as you turn into a flustered, slicking, horny mess in his arms. His voice is like pure sex but only the deep, tasteful, romantic parts of it.

You mewl a little as he gently places you on his bed, but he rests his arms by your head and kisses you deeply, swallowing anymore noise with tenderness and care. You forget about your embarrassment as he gently move his lips against yours, his cock straining against his pants and pressing up against your legs a bit as he leans over you.

"Do you want me also?" Chisaki murmurs to you once the two of you run out of air to suck from each other's lungs, you immediately wrap yourself around him tightly. "Do you want me like I want you, (Y/N)?"

"Yes, Chisaki, yes I want you-" You don't get another words out as he kisses you again, his hands easily finding and undoing your bra before starting on the buttons of his shirt. Once you run out of air, he starts kissing the underside of your jaw as you pant quietly, he has to pause (his frustration visible) in order to pull his shirt off. You immediately touch the intricate, but traditional tattoos on his arms, pecs, and (you're willing to bet) his back. "You're so pretty, Chisaki."

"So are you, (Y/N), you just don't have art to paw at." He purrs as he descends on you again, you happily undo his tie for him as he kisses you, and the fact that you fumble with it from the distraction of kissing is adorable to him, and he can feel a small wet patch grow do to his leaking precum. You two pause again, and he attacks your throat and neck with powerful sucks and languid swipes of his tongue as you grind your clothed sex against his.

You gasp quietly when he whips your bra across the room, but he gently fondles one breast and you turn into a melty mess again. He chuckles, happily going back to his network of hickies trailing down your throat and across your shoulder. You happily tangle your hands in his hair, pressing him against you further with soft mewls of encouragement.

"A-Alpha, stop teasing!" You finally reach your breaking point, Chisaki almost rips your dress slacks in his immediately eagerness to get them off of you, you giggle a little and he blushes, burying his face in your neck before you tempt him out with kisses to his cheekbone and nose and the tip of his ear.

Then he actually rips them, his face morphing into one of shock and embarrassment as you giggle loudly and nuzzle him. He mumbles a hasty apology before eagerly pulling them off you, taking your panties with and tossing the mess by the foot of the bed before crawling up your body and trailing lazy kisses up from your bellybutton.

"Why are your pants still on?" You tease, kissing his nose before he can reply, he nips your bottom lip playfully, stilling feeling you up as you squirm gently.

"So impatient, (Y/N)." He teases right back, gently tugging on one of your nipples, you steal another kiss from him as he other hand (that is not forming a bruise on your nipple, not at all, no siree) trails down and teasingly circles your puffy little clit. You gasp in surprise, and Chisaki happily presses forward and slips his tongue and one finger into you at the same time. You melt into a happy, horny, submissive puddle under him, causing him to let out a deep and rumbling purr as he explores your mouth with fervent heat and dominance.

He gently explores your opening too, feeling you flutter around that single digit and getting painfully hard in his pants as he stretches you around a second finger. Your slick makes it easier, but it's still painfully obvious that you are still new at this. (So is Chisaki, but he's hoping you're too horny and heat-addled to realize this.)

You eagerly spread your legs a little, beyond ready for this part as your fingers once again find their way into Chisaki's well-kept hair and tangling it. You moan as his two fingers start to gently stretch you, you can feel Chisaki smile into the kiss a little before it goes from 'romantic exploring' into a creature of teeth and tongue and lots of purring from you both.

Unfortunately, Chisaki knows that you still need prepping, and as much as he enjoys the savage kiss, he separates to let you breathe and whimper and mewl as he continues to stretch you. (Both of you think this is taking a while, but this hasn't even been ten minutes since your butt hit his mattress.)

You surprise him when you nip his ear, but he happily turns your head and sucks on the tender skin underneath one of yours, returning you to the panting, mewling puddle. Your slick has surged so many times, his entire hand is covered up to his wrist, and he hasn't even gotten knuckle-deep yet.

"Such a messy Omega, (Y/N), look at what your naughty cunt has done to my hand." Chisaki purrs absolute filth into your ear, and your eyes roll slightly as you let out a porn star-worthy moan, his hips grind up against you exposed inner thigh roughly as he lets out a possessive growl. "Tell me, my messy Omega, who's making you so wet?"

"You, Chisaki, you are, Alpha!" You mewl, he slips a third finger in, starting to actually move deeper into you as you moan again, he happily continues to dirty-talk in your ear, telling you that this would have happened a lot sooner if you had told him that you were an Omega, he would have gladly bent his little nanny over his desk anytime. Or maybe he should've made you Present yourself to him, without any pesky suppressants to quell your scent, then he would've seen what a messy little cunt that hide itself in such a clean, proper suit would've been capable of.

Or maybe he should open the door, let the entire base hear you get railed.

You dissolve under him, not realizing that he's dissolving right with you, pulling his head closer to you as he finally extracts his fingers and simply Overhauls the rest of his clothes off. (Speaking of, where are your shoes? You swore you had them on in the hall, but your feet are bare now.)

"(Y/N), this may sting." Chisaki whispers into your ear, his head nudging your entrance gently, you tuck your face into his neck tightly, but you aren't afraid, simply nervous.

It does sting, but only enough to make you gasp a little, and that gasp is mostly from shock at Chisaki's sheer size. His girth and length were both big, and while he knows you've never had an Alpha before, this still made his already huge ego blimp.

"Chisaki, Alpha, you're huge." You pant into his neck, he struggles to fit himself into you, and you can feel the veins throbbing against your walls as he slowly sinks in, inch by inch, and you mewl once he reaches your G-spot. You pant against his skin as he slowly bottoms out in you, you can feel him twitching inside of you, but you were seeing stars anyway. "A-Alpha-"

"Sh, (Y/N), you need to adjust, Omega." He purrs into your ear, but his cock twitches strongly inside you at the thought of wrecking you severely, to where no man or Alpha could ever satisfy you again. "You're like a vice, Omega, you're squeezing me so tightly. What will happen when I blow my knot, hm? You're so small, I could break you in half with it."

You let out a sinful noise that Chisaki can barely recognize as an orgasm as you sink your teeth into his neck a little. You wrap your legs around his slim waist, anchoring him to you as your walls try to milk him through your orgasm.

"I can't wait for that sound to be my name, to hear you scream so hard the walls rattle-" This kick-starts his dirty-talk again as you slowly calm down, occasionally he shifts his hips, stimulating you just enough for you to know he's teasing you again. You actually clamp down on him and he buries his face in your shoulder with a groan that could make millions, and he slowly grinds against you.

"Naughty Omega, you naughty, naughty Omega." He rumbles from your shoulder, you pant happily in his ear, every deep, slow roll of his hip making you see stars all over again. "I should punish you for that, you naughty thing."

"Then punish me." You pant in his ear, the lick up the shell of it as he groans again, pushing a little harder against you this roll, "Punish me Alpha, make me regret teasing you."

Chisaki rumbles, he drags his hips out, and you expect another languid roll that hits all the right places, but he slams into you like a bullet-train instead.

You try to gasp in surprise, but he smirks against you skin, and that is the only warning you have before he starts pistoning his hips into yours at barely-human speeds.

"Gladly, Omega."

~

You open your eyes, sprawled out across Ch-Kai's chest, your face nuzzled under his chin softly as he continues to sleep while fully sheathed in you. You blink slowly and lazily a few times, trying to remember what day it is, and yawn quietly as you ponder. Kai shifts under you slightly as he stirs, you gently press your face back into the comfortable position you two had.

"How long have you been awake, (Y/N)?" He purrs at you, gently nuzzling you back as you yawn quietly against his throat. "Not long, sleepy-head?"

"Of course not, or I would've brought food." You sit up a little, your fresh Mating Mark stinging slightly as part of the coverlet falls off that shoulder. Kai gently licks it, you hum and kiss the side of his face gently. "If my math is right, today is Kurono's turn to make breakfast, he usually does something simple, like Omurice."

"Yes, but breakfast requires getting out of bed." Kai mutters, gently pulling you back down on his chest, you muffle a laugh at him as he settles his chin on the top of your head. "What? Eri was right when she called you the perfect cuddle-partner, as it turns out."

[linkspooky]

Shigaraki and Dabi

Heroes hurt their own families in order to help complete strangers. Words said by Shigaraki, and lived by Dabi. If you haven’t noticed, there’s quite a lot of parallels between the two of them. Especially their childhood selves, dark haired hero hopefuls whose hair turned white due to stress and eventually fell and became villains. They were the children closest to the heroes, the son of Endeavor, the grandson of Nana Shimura, and yet both of them fell through the cracks the hardest. Let’s talk about the foiling of these two, under the cut. 

1. Father Says No

Both Shigaraki and Dabi are characters who grew up in a strict, patriarchical household where the father was the head of the household and determined all the rules. 

The Shimura household was built by Koutarou, who held all the money, and therefore determined all the rules. The same can be said for the Todoroki household, which only came into being to fuel Enji’s ambitions. This is something Enji literally thinks, his first priority when having children was not to love and raise them, but to raise heirs that would carry on his quirk and make up for the weakness in it.

Enji also literally used his financial wealth and status to pressure her family into arranging a marriage. In the households, the patriarch is the ultimate authority and cannot be questioned. Koutarou sets the rules of the household because he has all the money. Endeavor sets the rules of the household because these children are there to be his heirs. Toya and Tenko both break the rules in their father’s households in some way and become scapegoats. 

Ironically, they break the rules in opposite ways. Tenko, because he wants to become a hero. 

Toya, because his flawof the flames being too harsh for his flame constitution and burning his own skin makes him unable to become a hero and carry on his father’s legacy.

Quick tangent to explain what I mean with Toya. This is speculation, because we haven’t been shown the exact details, so feel free to point and laugh at me if I’m wrong. Endeavor says (incorrectly) that if Toya had reached his goal for him, that all of his pent up negative emotions would have disappeared just like that. (They wouldn’t.)

Which means, Endeavor once again projected himself on his child. Toya was supposed to fix all Endeavor’s hurt feelings for him. So, when Toya failed at the training. When Toya wasn’t good enough. When Toya was flawed. 

Which means it’s likely, Toya went in Endeavor’s mind from being the one who could carry his dreams, to being the one that Endeavor could scapegoat to blame for his negative emotions. Which meant, at some point he tossed Toya aside. At that point he started treating Toya differently. Toya probably pushed himself more and more to try to go back to the way things used to be, which is probably why his hair turning white, he started to crawl to Natsu every day. 

There’s also a lot of similiarities and differences between their households. 

Enji wanted his children to be born heroes.  Koutarou’s rule was no heroes allowed. 

Shimura and Toya both had a sibling they would run to and confide in. For Shimura it was Hana, and for Toya it was Natsu. 

Shimura Tenko is the youngest sibling in the household. While Touya Todoroki was the oldest. 

On the surface, the Shimura household seems more comfortable than the Todoroki household. Shimura receives a lot of comfort from his other relatives, his grandparents, his mother, his sister. However, none of them really confronted the problem in the household and at the end of the day Tenko was still getting beaten. 

The Todoroki household also doesn’t seem like it was a place of much comfort for Toya. It really does seem from flashbacks that all he had to confide in when things started going wrong was Natsu (again feel free to taunt me cruelly if I’m wrong). 

So, you have Tenko who is quietly and gently denied by his family, and Toya who suffers all alone in his household, either getting beaten himself, pushing himself too hard in training, or hearing his father beat his mother and Shoto. 

However for both of them, it’s a gradual accumulation over time. The stress of the household overtakes them. Their hair turns from its original dark coloring to white from the sheer stress of it alone. They, as children, are made to bear the stress of their entire unhealthy household, because they are the scapegoat. 

Endeavor genuinely believes that if Toya had somehow lived up to his promise he would never have turned abusive. 

Kotaro believes that it was Tenko who was upsetting the peace of the household, because he would just not stop it with the hero talk. 

They both soak up all this stress until it explodes outward. However, the incidents that turned them from Tenko -> Shigaraki, and from Toya -> Dabi are entirely different. 

Toya committed what was essentially a suicide. He either staged his own death, or failed at his own suicide and survived. Tenko didn’t kill himself, he killed everyone else around him. Shigaraki destroyed the household that was denying him. 

To simplify the manner in which they lash out. Touya destroys himself, Tenko destroys other people, especially the ones he believes are oppressing him or his friends. 

Well you say, Dabi is trying to take down endeavor. However, Dabi still sees Endeavor and himself as one in the same. His flames are Endeavor’s flames.

One last thing, Dabi and Shigaraki are both marked by their father’s abuse. Dabi was burned by Endeavor’s flames. Dabi literally lives with third degree burns, looking like a living zombie. Then makes his burns even worse by using his flames in the self destructive manner Endeavor taught him. 

Not only does Shigaraki still carry the lip and eye scars from being beaten up with a gardening tool, but Kotaro’s hand reaching out to his face is a symbol that Shigaraki keeps on him literally to this day by wearing a hand over his face constantly. 

2. Friendship and Ideals

So I think all the subtle differences in their backgrounds is what leads to them expressing themselves differently as adults. There are several similarities between them, but I think hardcore Shigaraki fans can tell you all the reasons they prefer Shigaraki, and hardcore Dabi fans can do the same with Dabi. 

I think a lot of it has to do with their relationships to their families. Families define how you connect with other people.

Shigaraki was instructed to always keep his family close to him. He’s always confronting his own feelings about his family, his pain from his family, that’s why when he lashes out he also takes his own personal feelings and pushes them outwards. Shigaraki isn’t concerned with right or wrong, moreso, these are my feelings. I reject the society that rejects me. What Shigaraki is concerned first and foremost, is feelings. His own feelings of being rejected, and also the feelings of people who were rejected just like him. 

Shigaraki is the heart of his group. He’s the person they all rally around, because they gave him a place of belonging. And, Shigaraki has also expressed several times murderous monster that he is that he cares about the individual feelings of those closest to him. I won’t let you trample on Twice’s feelings, his first thing to do when waking up is order the league to be close to him. 

Unlike Dabi, we’ve also seen Shigaraki directly confront the feelings of his missing family once more. He forgives his sister, he tries to comfort his mom. He destroys his father again. He tells his family that he denies them. He tells his grandfather that he still hates her. 

I would say that Shigaraki carries those feelings with him, while Dabi dissociates himself from his feelings.Shigaraki directly confronts those feelings because Shigaraki is the heart, feelings are what matter more to him. 

Dabi has feelings, obviously. Dabi has feelings even if he processes them in a way that’s not easy and palatable. Everyone in fact has feelings (though sometimes I wish I didn’t). Everyone expresses things in their own way if not in the typical way. 

Dabi is completely closed off in regards to his own feelings. He’s not like Shigaraki who is open enough about them he’ll tell his backstory to the whole league on the spot. In fact that’s another difference, the league generally knows Shigaraki’s issues, when they had no idea about Dabi’s. 

When really there was no good reason not to tell them. What are they not going to be up for murdering the number one hero? 

Friendship is a priority for Shigaraki. Individualism is a priority for Dabi. 

Dabi’s feelings towards the league are a messed up jumble, but his behavior towards them is pretty consistent. He takes every oppurtunity he can to insist that he’s not a part of them, that they’re all crazy and he’s the only sane one, that he doesn’t care about their feelings. This can’t all be Dabi just being tsundere or whatever, it’s physical steps taken for Dabi to distance himself from others. 

Dabi’s individual goals are more important than his connections to other people. Shigaraki has no distinct goal besides empty lashing out and therefore connects to people with similiar hurt feelings than his. 

Remember, Dabi self destructs. It’s likely, Dabi sees himself as a martyr. An individual willing to burn himself to take down the society with him. He’s trying to die for some cause like stain. 

So before I develop on this tangent one more difference in similarity between them. Shigaraki’s family is dead. He can’t really do anything but carry on their feelings with him. Tomarau means, to mourn. 

Dabi on the other hand, his family is still alive.He could have before the whole killing spree just shown up on their front doorstep. The reason he hasn’t, is because he can’t forgive Endeavor’s sin.

Whatever pushed him this far, whether it be a strong sense of justice, or a desire for personal revenge. Dabi values that, more than he values his connections with other people, even his own family who is still alive. This is once again the complex way Dabi handles his feelings, it’s likely he pushes his family away, the same way he pushes the league away and doesn’t process them. That’s why he says I thought about it so much I went crazy. He just insists he doesn’t care, and doesn’t think instead. Shigaraki lives constantly confronting his own feelings, Dabi lives by avoiding them. 

Dabi is impersonal, aloof, and only ever thinks of himself as an individual. He will cooperate with others if it suits his needs, but the bond of the league hasn’t quite reached him yet. There’s a consequence for this. 

So twice dying was Hawks fault. Because Hawks you know, stabbed him. 

However you could say, Dabi’s planning centering all around himself, and what he can accomplish as an individual, meant he failed to accomplish that Twice might get hurt as a result of him letting Hawks into the league as a Spy. It’s an unintended consequence, but still a consequence. 

Dabi showed up to save Twice but couldn’t. Then afterwards Dabi uses Twice’s death in the most gratuiotious way possible. Dabi insists once again he doesn’t care, that he never cared about Twice except as a tool that would have made fighting the heroes a lot easier. 

Shigaraki destroys everything around him. He destroys for the sake of the people around him. Dabi destroys himself, his own feelings, he self destructs. When people get caught up in his flames they’re sacrifices for his cause. 

Their priorities and the way they lash out are different. Dabi cares more for ideals than people. Shigaraki cares more for people than ideals.

However, they don’t have to destroy each other. Shigaraki trusts Dabi. Shigaraki of all the members of the league (with Toga as well) is the heart, is the best at sympathizing with the pain of other people because he is constantly in pain himself. 

Dabi made a mistake and as a result Twice got killed. He gambled with too high of circumstances. Twice let a secret slip and invited the heroes to the League’s compound. Twice brought Chisaki for a meeting and because of that Magne died. This kind of scenario has happened before. Of course Dabi insists that his motivations were less pure than Twice’s, he didn’t care what happened to the rest of the league as long as he got the dirt he wanted for his big reveal.

I’m not suggesting that Dabi is secretly a sweetheart, or a misunderstood angsting teddy bear. Just that Dabi is currently closed off from all of his feelings, that’s why he denies too the feelings of people around him and their attempts to reach out for him. Dabi has refused the compansionship of the league. 

It doesn’t have to be like this. Characters can develop. Shigaraki especially has been shown to reach out to people multiple times. Kurogiri is fond of him. Himiko and Twice in their moment of weakness, are convinced to stay on Shigaraki’s side because he shows their face to them. Spinner basically questioned why he was even staying with the league at his lowest point when he thought they had no reason to be there, and it was Shigaraki who he found his cause in. 

Dabi is lacking something. He’s burned off and emotionally stunted his ability to develop connections with other people. 

Shigaraki is lacking something. He is, again and again, told that he needs a plan besides destroy everything. Shigaraki is very observant of the world, and understands the truth, but he can’t get people to listen. Unlike Dabi who planned to such an extent, that he literally made a live public broadcast to turn public opinion against Endeavor because that was more important than winning a fight. 

It’s true Dabi and Shigaraki could turn against each other, because Dabi doesn’t value people, because Shigaraki considers his lashing out more important than his ideals. They could also be the ones to balance each other out. We’re at an important turning point now, Dabi can either break off from the league now that his individual mission is compelte, or he can finally be reached by the league. 

I think Shigaraki might reach him, because even though they’re grown up so differently they started in the exact same place. They were both boys who wanted to be heroes, and just wanted one person to tell them it was okay, that they could be heroes too. 

[cassafra5]

Where Have I Been?

Hey everyone,

It’s been a long while since I’ve made an address about what’s been going on with me and why I’ve had difficulty posting. It’s felt weird being on this site with the large elephant in the room being “what happened to you?” After having made addresses previously explaining a couple of rough experiences, I felt too ashamed to mention something even worse. It felt awful to post something after more than a year of nearly no activity, but I feel like it’s been severe enough to warrant this. I had also been requested not to speak originally because certain parties were worried about becoming “pariahs” on here, but I am writing this post to clear the air and to explain what has happened by my own account.

It’s been more than a year since I escaped an incredibly abusive relationship and left New York. After having lived there for three years, it has taken me quite a while to begin recovering from everything that has happened since 2016 until recent. During this time, my spouse and I were used by his family as caretakers for his grandmother, and we were also threatened with homelessness as his family considered taking the condo we lived in. The mounting stress caused him to start lashing out and to begin drinking, and his behavior grew increasingly erratic. For more than 3 years, I lived in a home where every door was broken to get to me when I tried to get away, and every wall in the house was left with a hole or a dent. I was forced to live under horrible conditions, but when I reached out for help about the abuse, multiple people antagonized me, shunned me, and waved away my concerns because “it’s not like he hits you every day.” My mental and physical health suffered greatly, and I still have lapses in my memory from that time because of just how dire my circumstances became.

Inevitably, I had to leave and was “helped” by some coworkers who, unfortunately, took my situation as a means of having a personal crusade, and thus exacerbated the situation further. Police were involved and I had to endure literally running away with what I could carry. Our divorce only just finalized. A majority of my belongings are still in New York, as I only carried back what I could scramble together while I had the police with me, as well as what was sent to me to try to convince me to come back. At this point, I don’t expect to get my remaining belongings back.

My ex is very unhinged and not well. It is harmful and counterproductive for me to be in contact with him or to involve myself any further with him. That being said, I would appreciate that anyone reading this not reach out to him, if you know who he is, as it may cause further incidents that I do not want. This address is mainly for my own recovery to help me move on with my life, and to explain why I’ve been so inactive. Despite it all, I want him to grow as a person and move on with his life as well.

During our separation, my ex involved a Tumblr user that has commissioned me multiple times. He effectively used this person as a means of getting information about me and to put me in a hostage situation – stating multiple times that if I didn’t speak to him, he would go through this person. I fought with my ex multiple times to try and get this person removed from our personal issues, but repeated attempts to warn this individual did not work. I excused this user’s behavior multiple times because they are very young and naïve, and for a while I assumed they just didn’t understand the situation enough to see how much they were hurting me and furthering the abuse. However, I was then made aware that this person was taking commissions from my ex and making decent money off of him. Even more egregious, they were also giving my ex information about me on who I was hanging out with, what I was currently doing, my day to day schedule, etc. I actually had to argue with this person over my safety and privacy, only to get “but I’m making money” as an excuse for them to continue selling my information. To say this was a breach of my confidence and trust is an understatement, and I cannot explain how violated and outraged I felt when I found out that a follower I was trying to protect had blatantly chosen to stay in the middle of my messy divorce and profit off of my mentally-ill ex while spying on me.

In LA I had a rough time adjusting. I did not have a support system to come back to and unfortunately I realized just how quick some people are to take advantage of someone in my situation. I have ultimately learned that I can’t try to understand people like that nor give them the benefit of the doubt. Throughout my time here on Tumblr, I have met some wonderful people such as @kirain who I’ve become best friends with, and who actively helped me escape the situation I had been in. But I’ve also discovered that some people don’t see me as a person worth basic common decency and respect. I’ve literally had users reach out to me just to get the details and gossip for their own amusement, or to either one-up me or stroke their egos over their own successful relationships, which has hurt me immensely. I even had a nightmare where my ex found me and chased me down, and when I reached out to the person he’d turned against me, the only response I got was, “Well, technically I just commission you, so I’m more of a client than a friend, so you shouldn’t be angry.” This person continued to take my ex’s money and profit off of everything that happened after I cut contact, and I don’t have the words to explain how absolutely nonsensical this entire situation seems to me.

I have cut off both individuals from my life and, while I don’t want to jinx it, I am doing much better. It’s been very difficult, but I’ve been recovering and have made great strides. I’m fixing up my house and making it my own after years of feeling like I couldn’t unless my ex allowed me to. I am working and learning in a new profession and I’m finding people who I can really feel are friends, and even more so. It’s been very night and day to be around people who respect and care about my wants and needs, and to have my autonomy back. I no longer have that feeling of being dipped in acid, which is exactly how I felt in New York.

Getting back into drawing and expressing myself is a challenge and something I’m slowly trying to revive. I do really appreciate all of your patience and kindness. Some things I used to draw are a bit difficult but I am slowly getting better.

To my ex and to the follower mentioned, I would ask that you refrain from contacting me or retaliating. I do still have videos, screenshots and other things that I have kept. If I am attacked for making this post, I can and will release them to corroborate my story. All I want is to be left alone, and I should not be silenced and muted because of you fearing repercussions for your actions.

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

I was going to actually post this before asks closed (didn’t get the chance), but Teddy Bear Anon, you are one of my favorite people and a magnificent creature. You get my vibe. 

About Bad canonically being Sapnap’s dad I feel like that has so much extra angst potential when we consider the rest of the found family. Like. Sapnap, Tommy, and Fundy all have dads who started with the best of intentions but for one reason or another ended up slowly becoming a danger to them. I imagine Tommy and Fundy one day showing up with a cake and telling Sapnap “We regretfully welcome you to the shit dad club” and Sapnap is torn between being upset still and laughing over the absurdity of the situation.

Bonus points if Tommy made the cake using a recipe book that Niki gave him, the last gift Niki ever gave to Tommy. Tommy was originally a really bad cook/baker but after the egg really started to take over he went full survivalist. Leaning to cook was necessary but learning to bake was something he did as a way to raise everyone’s spirits. He’s never gotten the flavor quite to match with Niki’s perfectly but everyone agrees he’s gotten pretty decent in terms of skills. He and Fundy in particular will sometimes just spend an entire day in silence baking and then quietly eat their creations while reflecting on the friends they’ve made and lost over the course of L'manberg’s lifetime. When the group got back to the past and Niki made cookies for Tommy and Fundy the pair very nearly started crying.

Tommy is in an interesting position as a character since he did commit a lot of minor crimes and acted as a general nuisance but he was also still a child. (A very traumatized one considering I canonize SMP Earth with its unlimited lives but even more wars. Including against God. Tommy fought God just let me have this.) He acknowledges the moments when he went over the line and has tried to apologize. In particular at some point before the egg fully takes over he pulls aside Jack and tells him that he’s sorry for the way he acted when he was still in exile, taking one of Jack’s lives and all. Jack and Niki in particular are an interesting subject to address and a painful one for immune!Tommy to think about when he sees younger Niki because the three never fully tossed out the hatchet but it was obvious in the eyes of someone like Sam that both of them were growing more and more hesitant to hurt Tommy. It was made worse by the fact neither were even marginally immune, and it didn’t take long for the egg to get to them.

He never stopped being chaotic. Tommy at his core is just that kind of person. He did, however, grow up enough to act in a more mature manner. Started to recognize what’s too much. In particular he became a lot less violent and willing to lash out after Sam Nook in essence reparented him. He’s still an absolute wild card of a person, which in the eyes of Sam and Sapnap is a good thing. For this au I think we should actually address Tommy having severe ptsd and during the building of his hotel/the early days of the egg before it becomes a noticeable threat it shows. He’s a lot more subdued. Shows of aggression all carry a kind of desperation and his typical jokes feel flat. Lashing out at people slowly becomes more of a defense mechanism to see if someone’s going to leave or betray him, to test the limits of how nice they’re willing to be. After all, nice people have only ever been nice to Tommy when they wanted something from him. His eyes, especially after L'manberg is blow sky high, are well and truly gray. The first time Tommy genuinely laughs after filling Sapnap’s room with chickens is considered celebration worthy to them. His pranks take on a more hermitcraft-esque feel to them which honestly makes them more funny.

By the time they get to the past Tommy has recovered, but he still carries the kind of maturity that like Teddy Bear mentioned is reminiscent of age swap Tommy. When he gets especially stressed though, Immune!Tommy will slip into moments where he acts as tired and done with the world as age swap Tommy. With that said, most of the time he just acts like a more mature Tommy. Nothing could ever completely erase his unique vibe which Ranboo has gone on record as describing “Willing to fight God deaf, blind, and backwards just to prove a point." 

Immune Fundy and Tommy get on really well once Fundy manages to catch up with the rest of the group. It gets to the point where everyone from the past is kinda shocked since smp Fundy and Tommy do not get along. At all. Literally the first night Fundy’s back someone goes to wake them up and they find Fundy asleep on top of Tommy which is a wild experience since this Tommy is a goliath who often refuses to take off his full Netherite max enchant armor. He really becomes a "looks like he could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll” kinda mans.

Also, yeah, this is Dream’s retirement arc. He is literally just sitting in the corner watching Tommy dote on his younger self and Tubbo before completely pile driving two of the most powerful people on the server straight into the dirt. At some point Tommy sits down with past Punz. He tells this Punz that their Punz died protecting him and Tubbo and that Tommy never got to properly thank their Punz so he’s going to thank this Punz. Tommy then gives Punz an entire stack of Netherite. If we’re gonna go ahead and agree on Phoenix Tommy then Tommy is fire proof, meaning he probably spent a large amount of time in the nether to avoid the egg crew and get rare supplies. Meaning he also probably did a lot of mining just to distract himself and it resulted in him being loaded. Tommy used to have a fear of tnt and explosives but he seems like the type of mad lad to say “exposure therapy” and make a massive cavern in the underbelly of the nether.

I think it would also be really interesting to dedicate like, a couple of chapters to other people’s perspectives. I kind of want to set the time they arrive in the past partway through the Pogtopia arc since I like mildly unhinged but not completely gone Wilbur. Plus then it also makes more sense for Techno to be there. Just prefer the aesthetic really. I want to have Wilbur see this version of Tommy and come to a sudden “oh” moment. I want to have a moment where Tubbo looks between his Tommy and this new Tommy, seeing himself nowhere to be found, and has enough what the fuck moments to become aggressively protective of his own Tommy. Especially if immune!Tommy ever admits to the past Tubbo why he is the way he is, what he faced under the thumb of the people he trusted. Which, out of everyone on the server, Tubbo would be the first one from the past to actively learn. 

I am fully on board with Tommy knowing how to sew. That should just automatically be canon in literally ever AU. Tommy for all intents and purposes is still Phil’s child for me. Survival runs in the family the same way that chaos does, so he’s got a ton of basic survival skills that he just doesn’t show off because it’s still Tommy. He would have been completely fine in exile if it wasn’t for Dream. Whenever someone ruins their clothes in the Immune group they automatically go to Tommy and at first the past versions are very confused (except for past Tommy and Tubbo obviously) and then Tommy’s just “Sapnap this is beyond ruined it can’t be saved, let me make you something new” and within a couple days he makes Sapnap a completely new outfit. Like maybe Sapnap fell into a lava pool because Blaze Sapnap Supremacy and his clothes are beyond saving and everyone is beyond baffled when Tommy just acts like this is a weekly occurrence. He’s memorized Sapnap’s measurements and style tastes and already had a new outfit in the works for him that Sapnap immediately adores upon it being presented to him. It takes about a week for past Eret to learn that Tommy stress sews new clothing and he cannot think of a better model. Eret has never had such a full closet. Eret has everything from three piece suits to ball gowns now. Eret lives in terror of the days where Tommy disappears god knows where with Fundy and the two reappear with a new wardrobe for the entire god damn server. 

Speaking of disappearing I really like the idea of part phoenix and part tanuki Tommy for a couple reasons. Being a Tanuki he’d have access to enough magic to hide his hybrid traits, which if they’ve been present for long enough would be a necessity to him. Additionally think about Fundy and Tommy building a den under Church Prime that slowly turns into a maze. Think about it. It starts off simple and then they both start digging more and it gets deeper and deeper and more complicate and the two just refer to it as their den and the only ones who are fully aware of the connotations of that word are Sam, Sapnap, and Ranboo who remember the absolute hell that was trying to navigate the original. Just Fundy and Tommy bonding over the fact they are literally the only creatures on this server that have this catacomb memorized and at the end of the catacomb is their saferoom which connects to rail way that the two spent a month straight on. It goes at least 25k blocks from spawn and it’s a final emergency resort in case they can’t stop the egg and the Immunes needs to regroup and essentially try again (if they keep bringing their younger selves with them then hopefully they’ll finally get an army large enough to stop this, but everyone really hopes it doesn’t come to that.)

I’m working on the first chapter of my fic right now actually if I’m gonna be honest and phoenix Tommy is absolutely without question canon to it but I’ve still been going back and forth on if I want him to be part tanuki as well or just blessed/favored by one like Teddy Bear mentioned. I’m also tucking away the whole thing about the magma blood for later use. Phoenix Tommy just makes sense. They used to call him Zombie Kid for a reason back on SMP Earth, he just literally does not die ever unless he decides he does.

~Snapdragon & Firefly

[homesteadchronicles]

Original Writing Excerpt: “To Me”

Hello, my homies! I have an unexpected piece of writing to share with you all today, one not related to my known WIPs. Instead, this comes from the world I detailed here, one I’ve now been given permission to flesh out into a full-fledged story.

You don’t need to know the world in order to read, but I’ve provided the necessary context below in order to dive on in!

CHARACTERS:

Ero “Del’Gris” Idess: An intergalactic music idol in service to her agent, Kiladian Wellthane, who enlists her help in exposing his enemies’ corruption. Yoselle of the Starsea (”Ghost”): Ero’s bodyguard and long-time employee of Kiladian Wellthane whose unspoken feelings for Ero grieve him.

CONTEXT:

Ero and Yoselle have been dispatched by Kiladian to the Polaris Nightclub in order to secure information on the corrupt CEO of a pharmaceutical empire. When Ero botches her mission, she seeks comfort from a source both she and her target know can only lead to complications.

THE EXCERPT:

You are a specter: ethereal, immaterial, insignificant. She is a spotlight: illuminating, enticing, unyielding. These two halves cannot hold one another. These pieces fit different puzzles. But she needs something to elucidate and you did not hallucinate her invitation to centerstage. Still you skirt around the sidelines, flirting with shadows, fearful of exposure. She stands, a beacon in the clubhouse, awaiting your answer.

You refuse to reply.

Polaris, you convince yourself, requires better surveillance than the shoddy bodyguards provide it. Expensive liquor, lavish decor, and a distinct lack of security – the omen of emergencies. It was everything you loathed and Ero loved.

She didn’t seem to mind now, not that she ever had before. Why would she? She has you. Needs you. Wants you, a part of you thinks, hopes, refutes. Ero plays her role without shame. Flattery reserved a permanent space in her mouth and her lips make use of their eternal inhabitant to elicit information even when her hips were in motion.

Your place lies elsewhere. Astride. Afar. Procurer and protector both had their parts to play. Separately.

Then why does she keep staring at me?

It is your fifth circuit around the dance floor when you notice her attraction attention. Her gaze ought to be on your target, on Gentarou Hongou, on the mastermind of a corrupt pharmaceutical company. Her hand would bat his chest as her lashes bat her cheeks and he would indulge her as everyone always did. Their mission depended on his entanglement. Did she expect to seduce him with a half-given gaze?

Either Ero or Gentarou comes to the same conclusion, as she discreetly excuses herself to evacuate the floor and he does not even bother watching as she goes. You give chase, coming to a heel behind her as she reaches the dancing’s edge. Stress tugs her brows together. She has disappointed her target. Disappointed herself. Worse, you realize, she has disappointed Kiladian.

“You’re off your game,” you note. A comment and a question intermingle therein, indiscernible.

Ero maneuvers through the crowd with angered grace. Each foot falls just shy of stepping on another’s toes, the click of her heels on the metal beneath like a tongue snapping against bared teeth. “Hongou’s harder than I thought,” she mumbles, “and not in the way I need him to be.��

The bar comes quickly into focus as you follow her. It’s going to be a long night.

Ero glides into the shaky comfort of a barstool. Before you can intercept, she has the bartender concocting something with a name you won’t remember for a price you cannot fathom. Ero’s erratic when inebriated and adamant when infuriated – not a winning combo for their cause.

She beckons you over with a caress of the empty seat beside her and you stiffen. Your place is beneath behind her. But, for a moment, weariness cracks her mask and the lonely soul inside creeps out. “Ghost,” she drawls. Her fingers walk up your chestplate, eyes unblinking in unspoken expectation, and you will indulge her as you always have. “To me.”

The seat is filled before you can stop yourself.

Two drinks slide along the countertop and stop in front of them, one a glittering gray encrusted with crystal and the other a dusty yellow clouded by rising mist. Ero cradles the latter before acknowledging the former. “Oops. Looks like I ordered one too many.” Her tone holds no remorse, only mischief. She nudges the glass towards you. “Guess someone ought to keep me sober.”

You can’t deny that. Deny her. You drink.

Each sip is a burning kiss to your lips, searing all the way down until the sweetness kicks in thereafter. It’s easier to forget the sting when the aftertaste settles in. You swallow again. Again. Again, until you learn to love the flames, too.

Ero only toys with her order. It’s not her usual selection, not her Nightfire. The glass in front of her holds Del’Gris’ favorite - all flash and fruitiness - but no bite. Which means she believes the show must go on. Which means Del’Gris gets an encore.

You need to navigate this delicately. “Hongou gave you the slip?”

“He may as well have. Kiladian’s information was off – Hongou’s not involved.”

“You’re sure?”

Ero dips her head as if to nod before it droops in defeat. “Honestly? I don’t know. Making heads or tails of the man is more complicated than making eyes at him.” She retrieves the cherry inside her drink and rips it clean off the stem. “I’m not myself tonight.”

“That’s not true.” The words slip out before you can subdue them. An unfortunate error, but Ero appraises you with wide-eyed surprise and you wonder whether it was a blessing in disguise. “You were not Del’Gris tonight, true. Del’Gris holds every man captive in her grasp. But you were Ero tonight – and any glimpse behind the curtain is enough to fluster a lesser man like Hongou.”

Ero twists your words around in her mind like the stem she knots in her mouth. When she pulls the stem free, her answer spills out too. “You know me too well.”

Not as much as I’d like, you think. Still not enough to keep you safe. It is an unbidden - but honest - admission. Not one Ero would adhere to half-plastered and wholly penitent. You settle for “well enough to know when you’re not well.”

She scoffs into her cup, a bitter laugh against sweet liquor. “Can’t get any worse”. Ero raises her hand and requests another round of liquid courage: Nighfire on the rocks. It’s a slow burn, she told you once, reeking of booze and other bodies, just the way I like it.

You hadn’t liked it. Hadn’t liked the way her hair ensnared your shoulders, encircling you in her scent as you scraped her offstage. Hadn’t liked the lingering kindling of body heat. Hadn’t liked how much you dreamt of her touch afterwards.

The bartender brings her his poison and she tips it back in one go. Tipsy, but standing, Ero advances towards the dance floor. “Well, if our mission’s botched, must as well bust a move.” Half-lidded eyes hone in on you. “Don’t make me do it alone.”

There’s a plea beneath that tease, but the implications complicate your reaction. To stay would be wise. To go would be wine, a gradual inebriation, a delight today and a mistake tomorrow. A slow burn.

Noticing your hesitance, knowing your heart’s a mess, she approaches. “I’m not the only one unwell,” Ero whispers. Her tender denouncement strangles your judgment. “But we both have to choose health.”

She steps away. The crowd begins to swallow her, enclosing on all sides. Ero extends her hand to you. “Ghost,” she calls out. Her fingers curl inwards, a gambler clutching their stake. “To me.”

Your hand finds hers before you can stop yourself.

Polaris’ patrons shove you deeper into the throng of hedonism. Writhing bodies surround you on all sides, ushering you and Ero closer, closer, closer along to the beat of a song. You can’t make it out – not over the beat of your heart. 

But Ero can. She leans into you, giggles sending shockwaves against your skin, and it’s then you realize: the woman on the soundtrack is Del’Gris, but the one in your arms is Ero.

In my arms. The thought locks into place before you can register that your arms are, in fact, around her. Mechanically? Yes. Uncomfortably? Undoubtedly. Neither of you seem to mind, if the way she slides her hands around your neck and nuzzles into its crook is any evidence. 

Then again, you always were the problem. After all, what right have you to hold her after haunting her for so long?

“You’re overthinking it,” Ero says. You’re not the only one who knows the other too well. “Maybe I ought to take the lead.”

You both laugh at that, at yourselves, at everything that your twisted lives have led to because if you don’t laugh, you might both break. Then again, at least you’d crumble into one another.

Ero only leans back and leads on. Your hands keep her feet aloft, her back aligned. This imperfect rhythm, this imbalancing act, leaves you both in synchronized breathlessness.

Neon lights illuminate your mingling skin in a patchwork of discordant colors. They rise to wreath Ero in a heathen’s halo: green envy, violet ire, scarlet lust. The crowd around exalts her alias - “Del’Gris! Del’Gris! Del’Gris” - but Ero has only ever worshipped you.

Always the star, you muse, and I am but the planet trapped in orbit.

“They’re calling for their queen,” you tease.

“They’re calling for Del’Gris,” she clarifies, “but I believe someone requested Ero.”

“You must have heard a ghost.”

Whatever impish inclinations Ero might otherwise maintain were exorcised in an instant. Seriousness seats itself in place of playfulness, mouth thin and eyes taut. Her hand rises to graze his cheek. “Ghost you may be to everyone else, but you’re always Yoselle to me.”

You have been brutalized by mobsters, held for ransom by hitmen, and crushed by an atmospheric crucible more times than you can count, but nothing has ever taken hold of your heart half as hard as that. “I never mind playing the specter if it means shadowing you.” And it’s true. You would spend the rest of your days in obscurity if it meant skirting around her radiance.

But Ero has never been one to settle for second best.

“Oh, is that so?” That ruinous mischief reclaims her lilting smile as she presses herself inward, upward. “In that case,” she whispers and her breath is a phantom promise against your lips. “Ghost, to me.”

Your mouth finds hers before you can stop yourself.

[writer1]

The Hidden Secret

Warnings: Transformation, fear, self hatred, wounds, blood, ghost, body horror, mention of canon death, swearing.

A/N: This is our first fic as part of our fic series The Big, Not So Bad Wolves AU. collab with @ahsokatano-thetogruta

Hunter bites his lip as he paces around his room nervously, he doesn’t know what they are going to do. The Marauder had been damaged on their last mission, so Tech had to crash it on a remote planet, unluckily though, this planet has a long full moon cycle. Hunter pinches the bridge of his nose, they can’t leave the marauder until it's over, no one can know that they are werewolves. 

It had happened during one of their first missions, Tech had been bit by an unknown creature, he had been fine, until the full moon cycle. As soon as he had stepped into the moonlight, he had transformed into a werewolf, and in his unknowing state he bit the rest of them. It took until the full moon cycle ended for them to come back to themselves, but luckily, that was just the first time. Every other time they’ve transformed, they have been themselves, albeit, with a bit more wolf-like behaviors.

Now they have to stop at a planet with a full moon every month or two to get some energy out, but now that they have Echo and their resident ghost around, it's been two months since that's happened, and they are all getting antsy, Hunter can already feel the pull of the full moon outside, but they all resist it, it's not that they don’t trust Fives and Echo, not at all. It's only that those two are new, and they are just starting to trust them, and if they find out they are werewolves, it could ruin the bit of trust that has been built.

“Hunter?” Hunter turns to see Crosshair, Tech and Wrecker walk in and close the door behind them. “What do we do, Hunter? We are going to need to go outside for repairs, and Echo will get suspicious if we only send him.” Tech tells him, and Hunter sighs. “I don’t know, the best idea I have is to wait it out. But we cannot let Fives and Echo know, at least, not yet.” Everyone nods, and Crosshair scrunches his eyes. “We need to tell them soon, I can’t go much longer without having a run to get rid of this pent up energy.” Hunter nods. “We will, but they don’t trust us yet, especially not Fives.” Everyone gets a look of sadness. “Can’t believe he was killed by a brother.” Wrecker whispers angrily, and Hunter nods. “Yeah, and he has major trust issues, so he might get really scared of us if we transform, especially with what we look like.” Everyone nods, hoping that when they do tell, they don’t lose their new found brothers.

xxx

“What do we do, Fives!” Echo yells as he paces around his room, Fives is hovering over his bed, legs crossed. “I’m not sure, but you need to calm down, Echo.” Echo glares at Fives. “Don’t tell me to calm down, you're not the one who could transform when they step outside and into the moonlight.” Echo's breathing quickens and deepens as he says that and his pupil's dilate, which is a warning sign that he's being pulled and tempted to go outside and into the moonlight, so Fives stays calm to keep Echo calm and starts to distract him from the want. “Echo, hey, come back to me, Vod. You have to resist it, or the others they'll…” He doesn't finish his sentence because it'll stress Echo out even more, but he seems to get what he's trying to say when Fives notices Echo's breathing has slowed down dramatically.

Fives sighs once Echo calms down. “I know, but you know that I would never let anyone hurt you, ever!” Echo nods, tearing up. “It's just that...they will probably react the same way that Shiny did back on the mission on Kashyyyk, when they could've killed me if Kix hadn't treated my wound quickly enough. You've seen how accurate Crosshair's shots are, and Wrecker...well, he can lift a whole Kriffing gunship, there's no telling what he could do to me--” “Echo, calm down, it's going to be okay. I'll be there for you, and I'll never let anyone else hurt you, ever.” Fives had noticed Echo shaking, so he had stepped in before Echo caused himself anymore stress and pain. Echo smiles sadly, but he's thankful that he has Fives right by him, always.

Fives pulls him close and hugs him. “I won’t let them find out, you just have to stay inside, okay? We can say that… that… you're sick!! That's it, we can say that you're sick.” Fives pulls away and smiles, making Echo give his own. “Okay, thanks Fives!!” Fives smiles and pulls him into a Keldabe kiss. “Of course, I’ll always take care of my twin. Now you just lay down and get some rest, I’ll go talk to them.” Echo nods, and with that, Fives phases through the wall. On his way to find Hunter, who's probably in his room practicing his knife skills like he usually does, Fives notices that the air seems eerily tense, not to mention quieter than usual. 

The sound of Wrecker's loud and booming laughter couldn't be heard anywhere in the ship. He can't even hear Crosshair's usual grumpy voice from anywhere. Not even the sound of Tech tinkering with a project, or multiple at one time like he usually does. Fives reaches Hunter's room, knocking on the door. He could just phase through, but being a ghost means that there are rules in place like, for example, not phasing straight into someone's room without permission. He wouldn't anyway, but it was brought up during a small meeting and the bad batch had after a couple of incidents when Fives had accidentally phased into a room with no warning.

The first time was in the refresher. Echo had asked Fives to grab something for him, but then he hadn't even thought about the fact that someone could have been in there. But they had. It was Hunter, and what's worse is that he was standing there naked, staring wide eyed at Fives in the mirror, not sure what to do. Fives rushed out immediately while carrying the hair gel, not realising that it can’t phase through with him. As soon as he hears the clatter, he floats as fast as he can back down the hall to his and Echo's room.

Fives had seen for a quick second that the left side of his body is also tattooed with skeleton bones and features. Echo is confused as to why Fives' face is red, but then he chuckles when Fives tells him what happened. A few minutes later, there's a knock at the door, in which Echo answers it and opens the door to see Hunter, holding the hair gel out to him. “I believe Fives came to get this for you?” He sounds a little nervous, but not as much as Fives feels right now, who is hiding and invisible from the guilt. 

The second time was when he phased into Crosshair's room and not his own. Crosshair was in the process of getting changed and had nothing on. He was pissed as hell and was the one who wanted the rule of no phasing into private rooms in place. Fives completely understands and respects that rule. 

Only a moment after Fives knocks, the door hisses open. Hunter stands in the doorway, smiling. “Fives, what can I do for'ya?” Fives smiles back, seeing that Tech, Crosshair and Wrecker are also there. He doesn't think much of it, about them all being in Hunter's room, but he is slightly confused, but decides not to bring it up. “I've just come to let you know that Echo is feeling sick.” He explains to them, making the others worry.

Tech is the one to ask “He is? Has he tried getting some fresh air? The atmosphere outside is breathable--” “No! Uh, no, he hasn't. But he'll be okay.” Fives interjects, hoping that the others won't suspect anything by the way he just lashed out. Suddenly, Crosshair groans, making Fives raise an eyebrow. “Is something wrong?” Fives asks, but Crosshair just shakes his head. “No, just worried about Echo.” Fives keeps looking at him suspiciously, then he nods. “Okay, then, I’ll go back and see Echo.” they nod and Fives floats off, when Hunter closes the door, Crosshair groans again. “Now we won’t be getting out for sure.” Hunter sighs. “Yeah, but we need to worry about Echo, he’s sick.” Crosshair gets a guilty look. “Yeah, you’re right.” “We can always open the door a bit? Let some fresh air in?” Tech offers and everyone nods. “Sounds good, you go do that Tech, I’m gonna go and check on our sick brother.” Hunter leaves the room after that, followed by everyone else.

xxx

Fives phases back into his and Echo’s room, Echo is laying in his bed, smiling when he sees his twin. “Hey Fives, how’d it go?” Fives smiles. “It went well, they bought it and didn't suspect a thing.” Echo sighs in relief as he sits up, swinging his prosthetic legs over the edge of the bed and stands up, pulling Fives into a hug. “Thank you, Vod.” He whispers softly, glad that he has such an amazing brother like Fives. “You're welcome. Though remember, you're sick, yeah?” He pulls away and winks at him, making Echo chuckle. Fives has always been goofy, but he'll do absolutely anything when it comes to helping his brothers. Echo nods “Yeah, definitely.” He winks back. 

Fives pats his back gently “Anyways, I'm going to go and talk about explosives and explosions with Wrecker now, I'll see you in a bit, Vod.” Echo chuckles at that, knowing how enthusiastic the two get about the subject. He knows for sure if they had the chance to meet when Fives was alive, they would be the best of friends and cause chaos together whenever the time came. But it never will now because Fives can't touch any sort of gun or explosive, as it'll mess with his new ghost form. “Okay, later!” Echo calls to him as Fives phases out of their room.

After a moment, Echo decides that he'll just go and read a book with a hot drink, to make his sickness seem more convincing to the others. He leaves the room with a book and makes his way to the common area. While pouring himself some already boiled caf, he sees Tech and Hunter enter. Tech walks over to the door while Hunter walks over to him. “You okay, Echo? Fives told us you're sick.” He asks and Echo nods, eyes a little closed as he readjusts his body language to seem more energyless and exhausted, also using a groggy tone of voice to seem more convincing that he's sick, coughing a little. “Yeah, I am, but some rest will help I think.” Echo says with the best 'I'm not feeling well but I'll stay strong' smile he can muster. 

It's fake, yet convincing because Hunter smiles sympathetically, patting his shoulder. “Well, rest up then.” Echo nods, seeing Tech walking over from where he opened the door. Echo's glad that they can have the door open, luckily the moonlight doesn't shine completely into the room. Tech then pipes up “I'll be working on a project in my room, so you know where to find me if you need any help.” Echo nods in thanks as the two walk away to do whatever.

Echo sighs and walks to the couch, facing away from the door. The urge to go outside and into the moonlight is too tempting, but he fights it easily when he becomes too engrossed in his book. Too engrossed that he loses track of time. Too engrossed that he forgets about his cup of caf next to him that's going cold. Too engrossed that he doesn't even notice the danger silently sneaking up behind him. He hears a little bit of shuffling behind him, then he snickers and sighs “You're still no ninja, Fives.” Echo laughs again, but then he freezes, Fives would have said something by now. “FIVES-AAHHH!!!” He yells out, turning his head to see a creature biting into his shoulder, dragging him over the back of the sofa and onto the floor. He panics as it drags him to the ramp of the Havoc Marauder, closer towards-- The moonlight!! “No! No no no, Fives!!!” Echo feels fear encasing his body, as he feels the pull from the moonlight, he wants to go in it so badly, but he also doesn't want to, not at all. “Echo!! 

xxx

Hunter hears the yell and goes running as fast as he can, he runs out of his room to see Tech, Crosshair and Wrecker do the same, as Fives floats out. “Echo!!” He goes flying, Hunter and the others following behind. They get out to see a monster dragging Echo to the door of the Marauder, Crosshair grits his teeth, angry that something is hurting his brother. As Fives grabs onto Echo, the beast pulls them both outside, Crosshair takes aim with his rifle and shoots it, hitting its eye. It squeals and lets go of Echo, running off, but the damage is done.

Echo stares up at Fives with fear in his eyes, but then he just feels glad and relieved that he's finally able to have some moonlight shine on him. Though after a few moments of feeling good and satisfied, he groans as discomfort and pain runs through him. The moonlight has made its course through his body, and he’s transforming now. He knows his body won’t be his own,that he won’t look like himself anymore, and it makes him feel so scared and uncomfortable. He can feel the rest of their gazes on him, making him feel way worse about all of this. It has only been Fives with him in the past, but now with four new brothers here watching him too, who he hasn't known for very long, makes him nervous and terrified that they'll hurt him.

xxx

“Fives!! Is he--” Hunter stops mid sentence as they hear Echo groan, they stay back from the moonlight, as they all see Echo start to grow bigger, white fur sprouting. “Wait! He’s… he’s--” “A werewolf.” Hunter finishes Wrecker’s sentence, then Echo looks up at them as Fives stands in front of him, he whimpers and before anyone can say anything, he runs as he continues to transform. “Echo, wait!!” Hunter and the others go to run after him, they know that he must think they hate him, hell, they thought he’d feel the same to them. Fives pushes Hunter back and away from the entrance, blocking everyone's route. “No! I won’t let you hurt him!!” Hunter raises an eyebrow. “Fives, no. We won’t hurt him.” Hunter tries again, but again, Fives pushes him back. He looks angry, but there is another look, a look Hunter knows all too well, protective. It’s a look he has seen on himself many times. 

“How can I believe that?! Everyone else wanted to!! I won’t let anyone hurt him ever again!” Hunter doesn’t ask Fives what he means by again, not right now, he’ll ask that later. “Fives, we are werewolves too.” Hunter tells him, putting both hands against his own chest to make a point, his brothers all nod. “I don’t believe you.” Fives growls, making Hunter sigh. “Fives, you need to listen, I’m not lying.” Fives flickers, showing them his appearance with a blaster wound through his chest. They feel sad and horrible for Fives, but for now, all that matters is Echo. 

Without another thought, Hunter sticks his arm out and into the moonlight holding it there until the effect of the light has made it all the way through his body, making him groan the same way Echo had done a few moments ago. “F-Fives, let me out. P-Plea-se, now!!” Hunter growls as Fives turns back to his normal self and steps out of the way and Hunter stumbles down the steps, falling to his knees and allowing the full moon to shroud him. Hunter yells and groans. It's not usually this painful because he steps into the light straight away, not like a minute ago when Fives kept on stopping him and he didn't get enough light to allow him to transform as comfortably as possible and not as slowly as he is now. 

Fives watches with wide eyes, not in horror as he's seen Echo transform a few times before, but from surprise that Hunter was telling him the truth, that he is a werewolf. Hunter sprouts dark brown fur all over his body as he pulls his bandana off of his head, his bones rearranging and cracking as he grows a tail, long and fluffy. He grits his teeth, bearing them as they become sharper and his face elongates into a snout. Fives turns to look at the others who seem to be waiting. Hunter huffs as the transformation finishes, the shirt of his blacks torn to shreds around him while his pants are shredded and ripped. 

He stands and turns to look at Fives with glowing, yellow eyes. “You believe me now?” He asks, his voice deep and gruff with a slight growl. “I don't think that I really have an option there.” Fives chuckles nervously, feeling bad that he didn't believe them, but he also had a reason not to trust them, that they could have hurt Echo. Tech then walks forward, a little closer to the door. “Can we step out now?” He asks as he removes his goggles and Fives doesn't wait before stepping out of the way and letting the other three bad batchers through the door and into the light of the full moon. But before Tech gets out, Fives places a hand on his shoulder. “Do you need me to hold your goggles?” He asks nervously, making Tech smile. “If you don’t mind.” He hands Fives the goggles, and Fives smiles and holds them gently as Tech walks out quickly.

They all fall to their knees and the same happens to them, but instead of the slightly slower transformation that Hunter had, they change a lot quicker, but the uncomfortable feeling still stays. They groan and let the transformation do its thing, growing bigger, faces elongating into a snout, sprouting fur all over their bodies and their voices becoming deeper. Wrecker's fur is a dark brown like Hunters, while Tech's fur is a light brown, whereas Crosshair's is grey. They all stretch out on all fours before standing on their back legs, so much taller than what they were before. 

Hunter puts his bandana back on, and Fives floats over and hands Tech his goggles, who adjusts the straps so that they fit on his head. Hunter then turns to Fives. “Any ideas where Echo may have gone?” Fives thinks for a moment, then snaps his fingers. “A cave? Or a large bush, anywhere he can hide really but those are two places I’ve found him before.” Hunter nods, then he turns to Tech, Crosshair and Wrecker. “Okay, Tech, you and wrec--” Hunter freezes as his ears flick up, and he hears soft whimpers, the voice is deeper, but he knows it’s Echo’s. “Scratch that, I can hear him. And he sounds like he’s in pain.” Fives doesn’t understand why Echo would be in pain, but then it hits him. “Shit! His cybernetics, they wouldn’t grow with him.” Everyone gets worried looks, none of them had even thought of Echo’s prosthetics, not even Tech. “Shit, that is not good.” Cross says as Wrecker nods. “Yeah, that's really bad.” he says as Tech sighs. “Okay, we need to get to Echo now, so I can get those off of him. Which way is Echo.” Tech asks, and Hunter nods. “He’s this way.” with that they all go running, Fives floating behind.

Hunter keeps an eye on Fives as they run, making sure he can keep up. He follows the trail of blood and large footprints, so it doesn’t take them long to come to a cave. “He’s in there.” The others can hear the whimpers now, making their ears press back. “What do we do? He might be afraid of us.” Crosshair tells Hunter, making him sigh, then he turns to Fives. “Can you go in first? He might be more comfortable with his twin?” Fives nods and floats in, looking around, then he see’s Echo. “Echo!” Fives flies over as Echo looks up, tears in his eyes, that's when Fives see’s it. Echo’s cybernetics are stuck on his legs, cutting into the skin, making him whine, the blood from the deep cuts soaking into his white fur. “Oh, Echo.” Fives says sadly as he slowly sits down and pulls Echo’s head into his lap, he changes into his form with just his blacks, to make Echo more comfortable. He also looks at Echo’s arm, which is in the same state as his legs. 

“Don’t you worry, we’ll get ya all fixed up, I promise.” Fives says and Echo whimpers softly. “Fives.” He nuzzles his head into Fives stomach and starts to sob hard, making Fives himself tear up. “Shh, it’s okay Echo, you're alright.” Fives runs his hand through the white fur on Echo’s head, feeling the little metal nubs underneath. He hears a crack and looks over to see Hunter slowly making his way into the cave, followed by the others. “Hey, look. The others are here too.” Echo whines and keeps his face hidden in Fives’ stomach, Hunter’s ears press back when he looks at Echo’s legs. “Kriff, the transformation did a number on him.” Crosshair whispers, making Echo whine and try to move his legs. “Woah, no moving Echo, at least, not right now.” Fives tells him, then he looks up. “Think you can get them off, Tech?” Tech nods, and goes to come over, but Echo curls up as much as he can, sobbing into Fives. 

“No, please don't! I'm a monster, don't touch me.” Hunter’s ears press back, so do the others', but Hunter looks over to Fives and Echo. “How long have you been a werewolf, Echo?” Hunter asks, gently, he knows it couldn’t have been as long as they have been. Echo whimpers so Fives answers. “Only about three, maybe four months at most before the Citadel.” Hunter’s eyes widen, Echo’s only freshly turned, well, technically. “He’s never really been in his wolf form around other people other than me, Rex, Kix and a shiny who almost killed him, still don’t know how Rex managed to keep him quiet, and he’s only transformed a few times.” Fives explains, and Hunter gives Echo a soft look. “He’s new to this, we can help.” Crosshair says, and everyone nods. Then Hunter slowly moves closer. “Hey, Echo. Can ya look at me please?” Echo shakes his head, continuing to hide his face against Fives’ stomach.

Hunter slowly moves closer. “Please, Echo? We won’t hurt you, I promise.” Echo shakes his head again, but Hunter gets closer and goes to place his clawed hand on Echo’s shoulder. “Hunter, wait--” Hunter's clawed hand touches Echo’s shoulder, and he spins around and strikes with his claws. “No!” Echo yells, not wanting anyone else other than Fives to touch him in this form. Hunter yelps from the pain when Echo draws blood on his arm, not able to see it well on his dark fur, but the way that Echo's claws are covered in his blood tells him otherwise. Echo whimpers when he sees four werewolves standing there. He sits up and then pulls Fives close with his one arm. Echo has such a strong bond with Fives that Fives will never phase through him. 

Echo growls as he continues to protect Fives. Fives then tried to calm him down. “Echo, Vod, it's okay. It's Hunter and the others, look at them.” Echo scrunches his face and does so, seeing the black fur shaped as a skull on the dark brown wolf, then the crosshair on the grey wolf's face. “Y-You're werewolves too?” They all nod at Echo, making him press his ears back and whine, looking at the claw marks on Hunter's arm. Hunter covers it and smiles “It's okay, don't worry. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to touch you while you're in the state that you're in.” He says.

Echo shakes his head “It's okay, I just...don't like others, other than Fives, touching me while I'm like this because I'm scared. But I'll try and work on it.” Echo smiles but then winces and whines at the pain in his legs and right arm. Everyone frowns as they want nothing more but to get them off and relieve him of the pain. “We can help you, Echo. Just trust us, okay?” Tech says softly, hoping that Echo will let them help him. Echo whines, but then the feel of Fives petting the fur on his head soon makes him relax. “Shh, it's alright, Echo.” He says softly, giving Echo a Keldabe kiss, making him hum and press into it. 

When Tech walks closer, Echo tenses but relaxes, especially when Fives takes his clawed hand in his much smaller hands, squeezing it gently to let Echo know that he's here for him. “Okay,” Tech starts, “this is probably going to be painful, so I'm very sorry in advance.” He smiles, then begins to tug at the clasps that are cutting into the flesh on his arm. Echo howls in pain, yelling before hiding his face into Fives' shoulder, whimpering and whining as Tech has to dig his claws in ever so slightly to pry out his droid arm. “There, it’s off.” Everyone’s eyes widen as they look at the bloody mess of Echo’s stub, then Tech sighs. “I’m going to remove your legs now, okay?” Echo nods, and Tech gets to work, he rips Echo’s pants so that they are more like shorts. Then he gets to work prying them off as Echo howls in pain. It takes a few minutes for each leg, since the metal is sunk deep into his skin, but once he’s done everyone can see the bloody wounds. “We should get him back to the Marauder, and get him some bandages.” Tech tells him, and Hunter nods. He turns to Wrecker. “Think you can carry him?” Wrecker smiles wildly. “Of course, he’s easy.” Wrecker walks over and gently kneels down to Echo.

“Am I okay to pick you up?” Echo nods nervously, and Wrecker gently puts an arm under Echo’s stumps, and Another around his back, then he picks him up. “There, you comfortable?” Echo nods, hissing a little when the stump of his arm hits Wrecker’s fur. “Yeah, I’m good.” Wrecker nods, then Fives stands up and blinks his armor back on. “Okay, let's head back to the marauder.” Hunter says, and they all nod. Crosshair stands beside Echo and Wrecker, giving Echo a rare smile. “We’ll take good care of you, Reg. Don’t worry.” Echo nods, and they all walk back to the marauder. Once they get back, the six of them walk up the ramp and into the common area, setting him gently on the floor as Tech runs and grabs some bacta and bandages, then he returns.

“This should help take care of the wounds, do you want me to put it on, or Fives?” Tech asks, and then as everyone figured, Echo asks for-- “Fives, please.” Tech smiles and nods, handing the things to Fives, the others sit around the room as Fives dresses Echo’s wounds, who hisses slightly every little bit. Echo sighs once his wounds are covered in bacta and wrapped, then he looks guiltily at Hunter “I’m sorry, for not telling you.” Hunter looks at him and gives him a smile. “It’s okay, we also didn’t tell you. And we were newly turned once too, we know how scary it is.” Echo gives a small smile, that Hunter returns. “Who tried to hurt you, Reg?” Echo and Fives both look over to Crosshair, who does not look pleased. “Wha--” “Fives said a shiny tried to kill you once, I’d like to know who, and how it happened.” Echo’s ears press back as Fives gets a look of anger.

“It was Echo’s second and last transformation, we were stuck on the planet Kashyyyk.” Fives starts to explain, as the bad batch all listen intently, Echo just looks over at Fives. “We forgot to check the full moon cycle, and Echo ended up transforming after me and him were trapped with a new shiny.” Everyone looks at Fives, then Echo sighs and continues. “I ended up transforming, and the shiny… he knew it was me, he watched it happen and heard me speak to Fives.” Echo takes a deep breath, as Hunter looks at him with understanding and sadness. “It’s okay, Echo. you don’t have to continue--” “No, I want to.” Echo interrupts and Hunter nods. “The shiny then shot me, right in the chest. Fives then captured him as he tried to shoot me again and called Kix, the shot had just missed my heart, if Kix had gotten there even a minute later… I’d be dead.” They all have a look of disgust as Echo finishes. 

“That's… that's disgusting, he had no right.” Wrecker says, angry that his new brother had almost been killed before they had a chance to meet him. “What's his name, and number?” Crosshair growls, making Echo flinch. Hunter puts a hand on Crosshair’s shoulder. “Easy, Cross.” Crosshair huffs, and Hunter then turns to Echo. “Please tell me that Captain of yours didn’t let him off scot free?” Fives barks out a laugh, making them all turn to him. “Oh, hell no. Rex was absolutely pissed! Lets just say no one ever found out Echo was a werewolf, and that shiny was transferred to a different battalion, we never saw him again.” Hunter smiles and crosses his arms happily, laying against the wall, Tech smiles. “Thank the force, that shiny was cruel.” Echo smiles, then Hunter looks over to him.

“Don’t worry, we’ll help you out with this, I promise. We are kind of experts now.” Hunter smiles at Echo, but then he frowns. “And you aren’t a monster.” Echo frowns, ears pressing back. “I know, but...it's just sometimes difficult to believe that.” He looks down at the floor, feeling like a Di'kut for even thinking about himself in that way, but deep down, there is something telling him that it's true-- “Echo,” The sound of Fives' voice makes him perk up a little. “Remember what I've always told you. No matter what you may look like, you'll always be you. My Echo. And I'll always be your goofball twin.” Echo smiles and chuckles, his tail starts wagging out of his control, making him grab it nervously. He's still not used to being a werewolf yet, so he's still not exactly sure what is normal and what isn't. 

Hunter smiles kindly “It's okay, Echo. There's no need to be embarrassed about it, it's normal, so don't worry.” That gives Echo a little more confidence, enough to make him let go of his tail and let it wag, letting his happiness spill out as much as he wants. He then pulls Fives into another hug, nuzzling and then licking the top of his head gently. Echo freezes, then he groans “This is going to take getting used to.” Everyone chuckles, including himself. “Don't worry, Echo! We'll help'ya!!” Wrecker excitedly let's out a shout, making Echo jump but also feel happy at the same time.

“I’m already coming up with plans to make you cybernetics that we can switch you to while in your wolf form, until then we can transform first, then carry you out and just sit out instead of running.” Tech says, smiling. Echo frowns and his ears press back again. “I’d rather not.” Hunter frowns and so do the others. “It’s okay, it’ll be just us. You’ll be safe.” Echo shakes his head. “No.” Echo refuses. Hunter frowns as he looks nervously at the others. “Look, we won’t force you, but let me tell you, if you go too long without the full moon you’ll get sick.” Hunter warns, then Crosshair huffs. “Yeah, we learned that the hard way.” Echo grimaces. “I’ll think about it.” Hunter nods, then he see’s Echo yawn. “Maybe we should get some shuteye?” They all nod, including Echo and Fives, then Hunter and the batchers get nervous looks. “We usually have a cuddle pile when we are like this, would you like to join? You don’t have to of course, we’ll understand.” Echo thinks for a moment. “Sure, I’d like that.”

Hunter and the rest perk up. “Yeah!!” Wrecker yells out, making everyone chuckle, Hunter smiles. “Okay, Tech and Crosshair, go grab a blanket from each room, including Fives.” They both nod and run off, then Hunter turns to Echo and Fives, who have confused looks. Hunter chuckles. “We need a lot of blankets since we take up more room, and having the familiar smells is nice.” Echo and Fives nod as Tech and Crosshair return, and the four more experienced wolves start to make a little cosy bed as Tech closes the door to the Marauder, Wrecker runs to his room, and returns with Lula, the stuffed Tooka looks so much tinier now, almost dwarfed by Wrecker’s arms.

Echo chuckles as Wrecker walks over. “Can I pick you up again?” He asks nervously, and Echo nods. “Yeah, sure.” Wrecker picks him up, then he carries him over to the blankets and lays him down, as the rest of them lay around him. He’s between Hunter and Crosshair. Fives smiles as he looks at his twin, happy that he’s happy. Then he turns and goes to float away. But suddenly he’s grabbed and pulled into the cuddle pile by Hunter. “Oh no you don’t, you are a brother too, Fives, alive or not.” Fives frowns as he’s laid between Echo and Hunter. “But I only sleep every few weeks, and I don’t think that's now. I’ll keep you up,” Hunter licks the top of Five's head. “We don’t care, no brother is going to be left out of the cuddle pile.” Fives smiles as he’s pulled into Echo, then he looks at Hunter. “I… okay, I trust you guys.” 

Hunter’s eyes widen, along with everyone else’s. Everyone is surprised, because they thought for sure that Fives' trust issues would have made him act otherwise. It's a big thing for Fives to say that he trusts them, but it makes them glad and happy that he trusts them enough to cuddle with him and Echo. Fives believes that Echo mixing with other werewolves will be a good thing too, as it'll mean that he'll be able to socialize with his own kind, to embrace his new nature. 

Knowing that Echo isn't the only one going through this anymore relieves Fives. He's always, and will still be, there for Echo, but also having others there, who are just like him and understand what he's going through, who know how it feels, is going to help Echo a lot more. Fives listens to the soft snores and gentle breathing filling the room as he notices that the others have all drifted off to sleep. He smiles as he closes his eyes, not caring if he can't sleep as much as he used to, he just loves to relax and pretend he's sleeping, to make him feel normal again.

xxx

Hunter is the first to wake up, groggily opening his eyes to find that his eyes are covered by something. He reaches a hand up to his face and pulls it off and looks at it, seeing that it's his bandana. That's when he notices that he and everyone else are back to their normal selves. He looks over at Echo, seeing that he's hugging Fives close as he sleeps. It's not that it's a bad thing that it was just Echo and Fives, but he needs to know that what he is now, is not a monster. That he’s still Echo, and being around himself and his brothers will help with that, they can help with that. They will help with that.

Hunter hears someone shuffling about, so he brushes the rogue strands of hair out of his face and looks over to see Tech stirring awake, his goggles have slipped off of his head too and fell on the ground in between them both. He carefully sits up, then looks around. His vision is pretty blurry, but he can make out the outlines of his brothers, then he looks at Hunter. He can tell it's him because of the vibrant red colour being put around his head. “Hunter, are we…” He begins to whisper out, trying to find his goggles, but then Hunter hands them out to him. He puts them on and is finally able to see now. “Yep, we're human again.” Tech says, answering his own question. Hunter smiles, then gestures over to Fives and Echo, making Tech look over.

“Fives did end up sleeping.” Tech says with a smile, and Hunter smiles as well. “Yeah.” Crosshair then sits up, followed by Wrecker. Crosshair looks down at Echo and Fives, giving his own soft smile. “We’re human again.” He says and Hunter nods as Wrecker stretches. “Fives is sleeping?” Wrecker asks, and both Tech and Hunter nod. “Yeah, Echo is still sleeping too.” They all turn when Echo mumbles something in his sleep, then clutches onto Fives even tighter, hunter frowns. “We need to help him with this, he was alone before, even though he had Fives.” They all nod. “I couldn’t imagine going through this alone, and I would have too if I hadn't bitten you guys, still sorry for that.” Hunter, Wrecker and Crosshair all frown. 

Hunter pulls Tech close. “It wasn’t your fault, Tech. You weren’t yourself. We’ve told you this so many times, but if it makes you feel better for us to keep reminding you, then that's what we’ll do.” Tech smiles and cuddles into Hunter. “Yeah, Hunter’s right.” “Yep.” Wrecker and Crosshair say, making Tech smile happily, then Hunter smirks. “Besides, even if you hadn’t of bitten me, I would have had you bite me later. I would never make you go through something like this alone.” Tech smiles. “Thanks, Hunter.” “Ow.” They all turn to see Echo blinking his eyes open, a hand massaging his leg. “We’re human again.” Echo says quietly, and Hunter smiles as he walks over to him and Fives, who’s still snoring away.

“Yeah, how you feeling?” Echo gives a small smile. “My stumps are hurting, but I’m happy to be human again.” Hunter gives Echo a comforting smile. “We’ll get you some painkillers.” Then Hunter looks at Fives. “How has Fives not woken up from us talking yet?” Echo chuckles. “Fives could sleep through almost anything while he was… was alive. It must still be the same when he does get some sleep.” Hunter nods, then Echo places a hand on Fives’ shoulder and shakes him gently, making him wake up. 

“Wait! Wha?” Fives looks around and his eyes widen. “Shit, I actually slept.” Hunter chuckles. “Yep! And we are human again, so we should get the ship prepared before tonight.” Fives nods as he stands up, and Tech stands as well. “I’ll get you some painkillers, Echo. You just relax and let the cuts in your legs and arm heal today.” Echo goes to protest when Hunter steps up. “No buts, you rest.” Echo sighs, but he nods as they all go to get dressed, and Echo lays back down, he closes his eyes, happy to know that he and Fives have new brothers they can trust with this secret.

taglist: @lightning-wolffe @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

[harrynightingales]

Straight male writer: 6 years is nothing to an immortal! Their relationship needs ANGST to be interesting!! Me: am I supposed to believe that these two men, who have been together for almost a millennium, who KNOW that any death could be their last because their immortality isn’t guaranteed, wouldn’t speak for SIX YEARS??? (If the unspeakable happened during that time period the survivor would never forgive himself!)

i'm with you anon!!! i actually have a lot of rambly thoughts on this and now feel enabled to share them because hey, you started it! under the cut because this is long as hell

edit: just as a heads up i read this as anon referring to the writer of the ttt3 moon landing story who to be fair i don't know if he is straight, or just as a general ~straight man writer~ perspective

first of all hard agree that the idea of angst = complex and interesting is really frustrating. i say that as someone who definitely can and does enjoy angsty miscommunication based fic but it definitely strikes me as something a) quite rare for them and b) not at all required for an interesting story. there are so many potential experiences for the anthology writers to explore that focusing on conflict all the time seems. uncreative.

anyways the 6 years comment has been fully disregarded by me. in general i have the approach of picking the canon/word of god comments that i like and ignoring the rest. specifically, it strikes me as the type of thought a writer would have when first writing about immortals, the whole idea that years pass like its nothing because they live so long. i imagine the writer was guilty of the same thing that grucka himself admitted to, of picking something that sounded cool because it was ~possible with immortal characters (in grucka's case, randomly picking 6000 as an age for andy) without actually thinking through the implications and whether it makes sense.

because as i mentioned in my reply (which i assume you saw?), the human experience of fighting with someone you love and not speaking to them fucking sucks. it feels good and satisfying for all of what? a day? and beyond that you just miss that person, especially when they are so intertwined with your every day life the way joe and nicky are. and exactly like you said, why on earth would they willingly put themselves through that when we canonically know how much they value and love each other?? because the way i see it you can fully disagree with someone and be angry with them but still make it clear that you love them by communicating. and the silent treatment is truly just the absence of any sort of communication and i can't imagine a scenario where an argument would be so very important to justify that level of anger to avoid any communication for more than a few days.

to be clear the actual events of the comic are not the main concern for me. i do think the philosophical differences between joe and nicky that are highlighted are interesting and would naturally bring some tension. i even can kind of understand the choice to go silent on each other - joe really eloquently explains his point to andy, but maybe he hadn't quite figured out his own thought process enough to explain it at the time of the original argument with nicky. and the hill i will die on re: joe/nicky's relationship is that it is built on respect, i imagine they would be emotionally mature enough to not lash out in anger and potentially say something hurtful that they can't take back. so choosing to remove themselves from the situation and not speak so as to not make things worse makes sense, as an initial reaction. where it loses me personally is that you can see that both ~activities if you can call them that are really important to joe and nicky. for joe, seeing the moon landing and appreciating beauty and progress in the world, and for nicky, serving justice to more people that caused innocent people harm (the "more" very consciously there because joe obviously also believes in their work and stopping injustice, but in this case they have different priorities past a certain baseline). and going back to my idea as respect as foundational for them, part of that in a relationship is recognizing that what is important and of value to your partner becomes important to you, even if you don't fully understand it. the way that joe so earnestly talked about wanting to experience the beauty of the moon landing and wanting to experience it with nicky makes me believe that nicky would reconsider his priorities, especially taking into account the "once in a lifetime" nature of watching the first the moon landing vs simply the convenience of having the hitlist targets all at home. and similarly, even if joe isn't fully convinced that everyone on nicky's hitlist needs to get taken out, he would recognize how and why that is important to nicky and not allow it to be something that comes between them, because like i said earlier fighting for justice is something they have in common. so in my mind the most in-character ideal response would be "argument of what to do next after taking out the serial killer -> both explain their positions and why that is their priority -> COMPROMISE". 

but ANYWAYS that huge ramble aside, the main plot "fight" of their's is not such a big deal to me, especially since its clear that joe knows nicky will call and its implied that he does shortly after the event of the comics. if anything, as others have said, it just seems FAR better suited for early days in their relationship rather than multiple centuries into it when they would have PLENTY of opportunity to iron out their moral approaches to killing plus gone through Communication In Relationships 101.

it really is just the 6 years comment that grinds my gears. again, a 6 year silent treatment argument could maybeee make sense in like, the first century of their relationship, as they were figuring stuff out and also before they discovered the fact that they can lose their immortality. like you said anon, once they have that information, i truly cannot believe they would willingly waste that much time over something that can't have been all that consequential. and i really don’t understand the argument that “because they’re immortal time doesn’t mean the same thing to them and 6 years is nothing!!” because imo that’s just.. not how the brain works. like they are fully human and process emotions as humans, and the human way is that conflict/anger/stress feel BAD, especially when you’re in the middle of it. your emotions are heightened which would put you on edge and feeling irritable and the brain is absolutely NOT meant to be in that state for an extended period of time. and again, why would they put themselves through that when they could just?? do the grown up thing and have a conversation. what would be the motivation to experience those shitty feelings for 6 years when an alternative exists?? not to mention greg's comment that the two of them had never willingly spent time apart, and even if they were still (indirectly) interacting while not speaking, the emotional distance it would require to be physically next to someone and disregard them like that for MULTIPLE YEARS runs really contrary to the way the relationship is presented. 

that being said i do find this post super funny and i definitely can imagine them going through the motions of "negative" relationship experiences (can you say jealousy and lorenzo???) entirely for the sexual payoff. but again, to take it kinda seriously, even that in my mind would be based on a foundation of understanding that they do love each other and they're not really REALLY mad at each other, just

p.s. i wrote almost this whole thing in a daze about 24 hours ago and then i saw this post which makes a lot of the same points as me so hopefully this isn’t repetitive and i’m sorry op i promise i wasn’t stealing your ideas. nice to be on the same page as others though!

[loveafterthefact]

Love After the Fact Chapter 58: Sex Education Part 2

Keith gets stressed and frustrated by Thace's recommendations. Lance gains a better understanding of what his responsibilities are, and just how lucky he is.

First  Previous  Next

Lance enters the private exam room to find his spouse in a chair, wrapped up in a blanket, pants on the floor. Talk about alarming. Behind him, Krolia doesn’t seem to react at all, which is somehow worse and not better.

“What, the fuck, is going on in here?” Lance frowns, eyes narrowing at Thace. They’re a little puffy, and he knows they look a little red. He’d meant to fix his face before leaving Allura, but being summoned by Krolia to the medical ward rapidly shifted his priorities.

Which is definitely justified, given the scene before him. The footrests on that chair are ominous to say the least.

“Routine exam. Everyone gets one.” Keith holds out a hand, and Lance hands him his pants, thinking that's what he wanted. However, Keith looks almost wounded, though he accepts the pants and redresses. Realizing that he misunderstood, Lance kisses the top of his head, rubbing the base of one of his ears. Settling in a bit better, Keith pulls the blanket back over his lap.

“Sorry to pull you away from your sister,” Keith mutters, nosing against his side.

“Later.” Lance keeps a hand in Keith's hair as he sits on the arm of the chair.

“Yes, because it’s time for Thace to embarrass us together.” The young Galra huffs, blows his bangs out of his face.

“It is indeed, your Majesties. Royal Advisor Krolia-”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m going, I’m going.” The warrior woman leaves, though not before giving Lance a baleful look.

Once Krolia is gone, Thace pulls up a chair. “So here’s where we’re at right now. Keith is rapidly nearing sexual maturity. This is a scan of a healthy uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes from a young Galra roughly halfway between seasons-” Thace holds up a datapad. “And this-” He pulls up a scan on the monitor. “-is yours, Keith.”

They’re almost exactly the same to Lance. And surprisingly similar to an Altean’s. He never would have guessed, given how different they are on the outside.

Thace indicates the walls of Keith’s uterus. “This is your uterine lining. It’s much thicker than that of the example. Looking at this, I’d estimate your season will begin in about two movements, but you’ll likely be sexually receptive in about half that.

Now, for the complication. Despite not having mated, he is already bonding with you, your Majesty-”

“Lance. You can just call me Lance.”

Thace nods, continues. He ignores Keith’s smile. Lance does not, reaching around to brush a thumb down Keith’s far cheek, kissing the top of his head again. Maybe it's that touch of red quintessence in his cells, but Lance just knows Keith needs his affection right now. “What this means is that you will have a window of only a few days in which you should mate-”

“Wait, shouldn’t we mate during my season? I thought-”

“Ordinarily, yes.” Thace scrolls through his datapad, looking at the results of Keith’s blood tests. “Mating during your first season produces the strongest bond possible in our species. However, looking at your hormone levels, I advise you to do it either before or after. If you mate during your season, you're looking at something approaching dependent, possibly even parasitic in nature, which, as a medical professional, I cannot recommend.

“That brings us to our next point: I strongly recommend that you have sex before his season. Since you’re already bonding, Keith, it would be highly distressing, emotionally, for you not to have Lance with you during your season. Given the newness and precariousness of an unconsummated bond, it could be detrimental for your relationship for the two of you to be separated while you’re so vulnerable. Premature bonds are extremely delicate, and we must proceed with caution.”

“So- So when exactly should we…” Keith tucks his knees up tight against his chest, still uncomfortable, both from the earlier invasion of his privacy and the conversation.

“Whenever you feel ready. This is an act that needs to be entirely voluntary, regardless of your feelings for one another. The ramifications otherwise are traumatic. The combination of devotion and fear can-”

Lance steps in. His hand slips to Keith’s back where he’s stiffened in the chair. “That’s not going to happen. I would never be careless enough to hurt Keith, and Keith is smart enough to know what he’s ready for.”

Not at all appeased, Keith scowls at his friend. “So what you’re telling me is that I have to mate with Lance within a specific movement, but we also can’t force it, because that would be bad. But if I’m not ready, we can’t mate during my season because that would be bad, and we can’t be apart during my season because that would also be bad.”

“That’s… Unfortunately, yes. That’s where we’re at right now.”

“Wonderful. I’m leaving now.”

“Okay.” Thace lets him go. “I’ll send you copies of your bloods and scans. You should take a look at my notes.”

Just like that, Keith stalks out of the exam room, taking the blanket with him.

Lance goes to follow, but Thace stops him. “I’d like to speak to you alone, Lance.”

A pair of garnet eyes stare into his, one part sad, one part cautious. Nodding, Lance kisses Keith’s cheek. “Can you wait for me outside for a few minutes?”

“Whatever.” Ouch. If Keith’s like that, he definitely needs a good, solid hug.

Once Keith is gone, Thace’s smile fades. “Before I begin, I want to say I know it’s not your fault.”

“Okay…” Lance sits in Keith’s chair.

“Keith is my friend. He’s like a kit to everyone here, and it's wonderful to see how he’s grown into himself in the last few decaphoebs, and especially since leaving Daibazaal, but the truth is… He was alone for eleven decaphoebs. Do you know what happens to kits when they’re alone that long?”

Lance shakes his head, not willing to speak. This is going to be even less pleasant than the last conversation.

“They go feral, and become like wild animals. Their quality of life is virtually nonexistent. Rehabilitation is rare, and never perfect. My mate has met kits like this over the course of his service and- The choices that sometimes have to be made are neither pleasant, nor easy.”

“Oh.” Lance gulps. It’s been a while since he’d thought about a life without Keith in it. The idea that it could so easily have been reality, and in such a horrible way, hurts.

“We are so extremely lucky that he is able to be here with us.” Thace waits for Lance’s nod before continuing. His voice is the only thing that cuts through the stillness inspired by the conversation. “But there are complications that come from his upbringing. Something traumatic and terrible happened to him when he was very young, and something undeniably cruel was perpetrated after, when he was forcibly turned over to you. These hardships mean-”

“He’ll never quite grow up. I know.”

“He’ll retain vestigial behaviors, yes.” There’s a deep sadness on Thace’s face. Lance imagines he’ll understand it better once he has children of his own. “He’ll need company, emotionally fulfilling companionship, all his life. He’s not like a normal Galra that can be without others and be content.”

“He can spend time by himself-”

“When was that? When he first arrived and was scared and alone? Any kit would huddle into corners in that situation.” Thace’s words have an edge to them, one that has Lance shrinking in his seat. The medic sighs, gently touches Lance's hand. There's an understanding in his dark red eyes, the compassion of someone whose purpose in life is to help and heal.

“I understand that it wasn’t your choice, but it is what it is. As his mate, you have a duty to care for him and love him all the days of his life. His needs are very different from yours, and it’s your responsibility to make sure those needs are met.”

“I understand. I'll make sure that he has friends and a purpose, and I'll learn how to be the best mate I can be... On that note, I should probably get back to him.”

“Yes. One last thing.” Thace stands. “You should talk to him about having kits this season. It’s an important milestone within our society, and for you, it will go a long way toward earning the people’s respect. And, honestly? He’s healthy enough to go for it. Talk it over and decide for certain, now that we know he’s well enough. Make a decision together, and we’ll proceed however you both see fit.”

Lance nods, leaves Thace to clean up. Out in the main room, Keith’s standing quietly, waiting for him. “Hey. I, uh. I'm sorry for throwing a fit in there.”

Lance wraps his spouse in his arms, lets Keith melt against his frame. Judging by the Galra’s tight grip and the purr thrumming in his throat, Lance’s presence was sorely missed, despite the grumpy attitude only minutes ago. “Nevermind. Cranky or not, I’m glad you’re with us, beloved.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Keith sighs, lashes fluttering against Lance’s neck. He’s gotten taller, Lance realizes. They’re about the same height now.

“It seems we’ve got some things to talk about,” he whispers, kissing Keith’s ear when it twitches by his cheek.

“Later. Please?”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. It was just invasive, that’s all. It was important to do.”

“As long as you’re okay. I have some stuff I’m not quite ready to talk about, too. For now, let’s just get some lunch and-”

“I want to go home,” Keith says, sudden and decided. “My childhood home.”

“Yes. Of course. I’d love to see your home.” Lance draws back, but keeps an arm around his spouse, leading them through halls, back out into free air. “Do you want to go right now or…?”

“No, no. Just… before we leave. For now I want to go back and find a sunny spot to nap in, then I think I'll go visit Shiro and my mother.”

“You really missed them, huh?”

“Yeah… I missed you, earlier. I woke up and didn’t know where you were.”

“Sorry. I did wake you before I left to tell you I was leaving, but I guess you forgot when you fell back asleep.”

“Seems I did. Is Allura okay?”

“...We’ll talk about it later. It’s… I need to make my peace with everything first. And I need to call Altea. It’s not- It’s not the worst thing that could happen, but it isn’t good, and it breaks my heart.”

“Is her kit okay?”

“Yes.” Lance finds a smile. “Her baby is fine. Allura is… mostly fine. Later, alright?” He bites his lip, thinking of his sister and the tragedy she’s enduring. The tragedy that Keith’s endured. “Let’s just go back to the den and cuddle up with BleepBloop. I really want to hold you right now.”

“Well, I’m not gonna complain, but you’re worrying me.” Keith keeps a tight grip on his hand, unwilling to let him go for even a moment. "Are we okay?"

“We are more than okay, beloved. I just don’t know how long I’ll have you, and I need to treasure you while you’re here.”

"Now I’m really worried.” Keith sighs. “But I need to treasure you while you’re here, too. I love you, Lance.”

“I love you too, Keith. Now and forever.”

“Now and forever.”

There's a bit of anxiety buzzing in Lance's veins. There are choices that need to be made, ones that might not be easy for either of them, ones that might even be painful. Still, he has Keith, and no matter what paths they have to follow, they'll walk them together, side-by-side.

[fallingin-like]

november 20

back to the start by @fuzzballsheltiepants​ [requested by @nikothespoonklepto]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

containing an injured!andrew who loses all of his recent memories, this fic is has heartbreak and healing. this fic has great pacing and flow, you don’t even notice that you’ve read 30k words until you’re done.

this is an absolutely amazing fic. you did such a great job writing the characters in a way that was in depth and stays really true to them. it was funny, serious, angsty, and fluffy in a way that tied everything together and made it really easy to read. i loved having the opportunity to see andrew fall in love with neil again and see neil really fight to protect andrew.

parts that i especially liked:

”andrew and neil had watched kevin’s interview the night before on exy night in america from andrew’s apartment. neil had spent the ten minutes grinning at kevin’s well-practiced persona while andrew drily commented what they both knew kevin was really thinking” this is so cute! there’s really nothing that brings people together more than making fun of kevin

EXCUSE ME HOW DARE YOU INJURE ANDREW IN THAT WAY

andrew waking up so disoriented and confused and afraid is so heartbreaking. to be brought back to that terrible night, surrounded by strangers, in so much pain. i really cannot handle it, he’s already suffered so much in his life ;-;

ohmygoodness andrew sort of recognizing kevin? is this based on andrew having seen kevin before the club incident or because he’s actually recognizing kevin?

”’did they kill him?’ he asked dully.” ahhh i can feel andrew closing himself off, resigning himself for bad news

”he didn’t know why he was talking, he was revealing too much, he needed to stop but not as  much as he needed to know” i hate seeing andrew so distressed, to the point where he can’t contain himself

”he almost laughed, it was such a ridiculous idea that andrew’s perfect memory could be compromised, but dr. kupra’s face was serious.” oh no, what a terrible and ironic injury, for andrew to lose the memories that he likely actually wanted to keep

what in the world kevin, why would you not call nicky to get him to talk to andrew??

”that voice… it tickled something in his chest” AHH even without his memories, something within andrew recognizes neil, so soft

”and you need to understand that you can’t just start touching him when  he’s asleep” it’s so comforting to know that neil is around to protect andrew while he is extremely vulnerable.

it’s really not surprising that andrew has a panic attack, to learn that you’ve lost seven years of your life? i can’t even imagine how upsetting and scary it would be

ah yes, of course neil forgets to charge his phone

”like i’m worth something, like i matter” oh no i totally forgot that since andrew is back to his 17 year old self it means his mental health is probably a lot worse. oh my goodness 17 is so young! 

”it’s amazing how many words they can say to avoid telling you they don’t know” oh my goodness neil

ANDREW REMEMBERS SOME THINGS, I HAVE HOPE. and it seems like now neil does too!

to hear that they’ve had conversations with andrew that he can’t remember, that they’ve explained the situation to him multiple times already, it sounds hard for anyone, but andrew who is used to his eidetic memory? oof

”this felt more like he had read it in a book, like if he turned the page he would already know what was on the next one, but he couldn’t manage to turn the page. and the next page was important, of that he was sure” wow this description is so so good.

OH NO ANDREW THINKING NEIL AND KEVIN ARE TOGETHER and then “it didn’t seem such an unreasonable question to andrew… the alternative didn’t make sense. the alternative was impossible” ahhh this is so painful, at least neil is not around to hear this.

”that didn’t really surprise neil; he had suspected that andrew had been interested in kevin at some point” ooo i like this

neil talking to andrew’s coach oh my goodness he really can’t help himself. but also it’s his way of caring too, protecting andrew from everyone

ahh i love andrew falling for neil again. “aggression of an eight-pound terrier” THIS IS SO TRUE. picking fights, but too small to actually fight them

”neil was reading on his phone and andrew watched him through his lashes until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore” this is so so sweet, i love being able to see things from andrew’s perspective, he hides so much from the outside that i am always interested in what he’s thinking

”he wouldn’t be the first who thought andrew could be ‘healed,’ whatever that meant.” the thing i like about their relationship is that i think that neil doesn’t think andrew ‘could be healed’. i think neil thinks that andrew doesn’t need healing. that bad things happened to andrew and yes, these things changed him, they shaped him to be the person he is now, but they don’t mean he is broken. uhh i don’t know how to say the words i am thinking. BASICALLY, NEIL DOESN’T THINK ANDREW NEEDS TO CHANGE. HE LIKES (LOVES) HIM AS HE IS

”... but he could still taste his old grief and guilt and fury” ANDREW FEELING GUILT SO MUCH GROWTH

”nicky had been there; he could call nicky, and find out what - who - had broken neil so badly” ahhhhhh i love this!!!

ohmygoodness, all the things that neil is remembering. i love it so much

ugh i want neil to go off on all the people trying to pin down andrew, but at the same time, i guess they had a somewhat reasonable reason for doing what did. BUT STILL THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. andrew has been through so much!!!!

i love these moments of andrew finding out what happened to neil. we get to see his genuine reactions, even what he’s feeling, not just what he’s emoting (which i’m sure is not much). it’s a little different, because although he still feels this emotional connection to neil, he doesn’t understand why, but his reactions are so pure and unfiltered. i love it

”it’s who i am, it’s not something i can forget” I LOVE THIS LINE and i love love love nicky’s reaction. 

ugh, neil fighting to protect andrew is just *clenches fist* so good

okay i love neil, but woah. when he thinks of how lucky he is to have andrew and the first thing that comes up is andREW BREAKING RIKO’S ARM. LOL what a legend

ohmygoodness i forgot that neil is still in school. i really cannot believe that he is able to balance everything, like it’s just so wild to me.

i’m so glad that neil has matt. he has andrew yes, but matt is just a good friend, something that neil has never really had. someone that is openly affectionate and talkative enough to balance neil’s anti-social personality. someone he can go through during these tough times when andrew is not around

NEIL JOSTEN CERTIFIED HOTTIE HAHAH

oh, hearing andrew’s perspective of millport is so good, so interesting

ANDREW ASKING WHICH SCARS ARE FROM HIM ACTUALLY BREAKS MY HEART. nonononono

NEIL ROASTING THE REPORTER IS WHAT I LIVE FOR. but also i’m pretty mad that this guy was able to get into the hospital and approach neil like this. people are so rude and have no sense of privacy somethings UGH

”neil was a trouble magnet. andrew didn’t remember too many specifics, but he knew it with a bone deep certainty” hah

oh, the way that you wrote andrew regaining his memories about riko and drake and maybe easthaven. it’s so impactful seeing it from neil’s perspective. “he watched as that bomb hit, the slow motion ripple effect it had as memories resurface and deductions were made.” your descriptions are so good

the contrast between the texts from the foxes and neil trying to deal with andrew remembering is amazing

it’s so interesting to me the way that the sense of distance between neil and andrew are for different reasons. neil is being so careful not to cross andrew’s boundaries because he doesn’t know what andrew’s okay with, etc. and andrew is still learning about the relationship that he previously shared with neil and doesn’t know where they were at with that, doesn’t know what past him did

oo i love twinyard moments, the bonding. “i didn’t forget you” AHHH i like that they’re so civil now, aaron is probably less stressed (now that he’s not trying to balance school, exy, and the MAFIA) and has matured, he doesn’t repress as much of his emotions maybe. he cares about andrew and both lets himself care about him and allows himself to show it, even if it’s in small ways

so much growth/development to see that neil turns to betsy and actually calls her!! she knows so much about their history, i’d be interested in what kind of relationship neil had with her after their first year

”didn’t know how to tell him that he remembered other things - remembered bits and pieces of meals and drives and games and shared cigarettes on the roof, the weight of neil’s mouth on his own and the feel of his skin, the sound of his hitches of breath. because none of that felt real” THIS IS SO GOOD BUT ALSO HURTS. NEIL IS A PIPE DREAM BUT ANDREW DOESN’T KNOW THAT HE’S ALSO A REALITY TOO

”then neil came out of the bathroom and andrew decided maybe he didn’t hate the girlfriend after all. not if she’d picked out those clothes.” ohmygoodness andrew

”four years. four years since andrew had been nearly torn apart by terror. four years since he had felt that anguished need that seemed so fresh in his memory. and yet neil was still here” THIS IS SO GOOD AHHH

EXCUSE ME HOW DARE YOU BREAK MY HEART LIKE THAT BY SAYING NEIL CAN’T HELP DECIDE WHAT HAPPENS TO NEIL ALSO “everyone but andrew, whose glam intensified” WHAT DOES THIS MEAN AND THEN NEIL SAYING “do you think if andrew cared he wouldn’t let them kick me out in the first place?” AHHHH

oh okay you have redeemed yourself by having aaron and andrew BOTH agree with neil. “look, i might have head trauma but i’m not an idiot” LOL

”andrew wasn’t sure why his stomach clenched, why his fingers dug into the blanket” HHHH HURTS

AARON YELLING WRONG MINYARD YES

oh! so cute to have bonding between andrew, neil, katelyn, and aaron!!

oHH no i forgot that people might hold andrew’s sexuality against him and that makes me so mad

”aaron said mildly ‘out of all the men in this world, why did you have to end up with one who’s too stupid to feed himself?’” LOL

”it would only be a week tomorrow, but it felt like he had always been here, that the rest of his life had been something he’d seen in a movie or read in a book. like this was the only part that was real” oh oh oh. this is so sad, but also it makes so much sense. “it was always like that, though” OH. this, and the rest of the paragraph is so interesting. i love the way that you explain it. and the end of this chapter is so good. it really sets us up for the last chapter and leaves me aching for resolution. for andrew to realise he can and does have this. that it’s real and won���t be taken away from him

i’m a little bit confused about the whole discussion about sexuality and mental illness. why did katelyn misunderstand and what was she thinking? i think i’m just missing something here LOL

”the way andrew hesitated before he nodded meant no, but neil wasn’t going to push him” ugh it’s so good to know that neil can read andrew so well, can tell what he’s not saying, but knows when to push and when to back off.

NO SELF-CONSCIOUS NEIL IS SO SAD

”aaron refusing to sign anything, turning it all over to andrew and neil” aaron is such a complicated character, we don’t get to see him fully explored in the books and i love the way that you used this fic as an opportunity to do so. he cares, but in his own way. even though they have disagreements, at the end of the day, he wants what is best for andrew and i really liked how you portrayed him and throughout this fic.

WHY IS ANDREW SINGING WITHOUT KNOWING

ANDREW KISSING NEIL AND THEN GIVING THE PAPARAZZI THE MIDDLE FINGER IS THE BEST THING

i love that you have parts of this fic from andrew’s perspective. it’s so so interesting to see his honest reactions to memories and people and to experience his introspection. and it’s not super obvious, but i love that with perspective shifts, we also see your writing style adjust to reflect that. you handled this whole fic so well, there was a great balance between humour, softness, and angst that made me really enjoy reading this. 

you did such a good job with the characterization, it was so wonderful seeing andrew rebuild his relationships and fall for neil again, the interactions between everyone (including your OCs). i appreciate that, although andrew and neil have kind of re-established their relationship (they both know that they like each other and are comfortable with each other), there’s still some sort of distance. things are still a little bit off and they still have work to do to continue to learn each other. it keeps things realistic and, for some reason, brings me closure. this is such a significant event for both of them and things are different because of that and i’m glad you didn’t ignore that aspect of it. this was just such a wonderful fic, thank you so much for writing it!!

[firebirdsdaughter]

What’s hilarious [read: ridiculous] to me…

… Is that Horobi and Yua actually follow a fairly parallel path in their responses to their situations (I had a whole realisation about how Horobi-Fuwa-Naki-Yua are a four way parallel today; Horobi-Fuwa are parallels and Naki-Yua are parallels, but then their actions crisscross parallel). But there’s a massive double standard in how the two characters are reacted to… Despite the fact that Yua is a fully mentally matured and developed human adult and Horobi is an AI that has been hacked and brainwashed for the past decade in a way that forcibly stunted his development.

Yua was in a horrid and toxic work environment w/ an abusive boss. Now, admittedly, Gai kept a large amount of his worse deeds from her and to a point one could justify it as her thinking she’s acting for the greater good… Until we get to the part where it becomes abundantly clear she knows very well that what they’re doing is at the least morally questionable… But doesn’t try to defect at all, even to the point of insisting it’s of her own free will. Yes, she had a chip in her head, too, but given her reactions to him torturing Fuwa, she doesn’t seem to have known he could do that, and she didn’t know about Naki, nor did she have an AI drone in her mind. Now this is not to blame Yua—in fact, the point is that she was a victim in a bad situation. Her struggle to get out of there was fairly realistic given her situation. But she had the experience to know that what they were doing was wrong. That makes it tragic in it’s own way, yes, that she was under extreme stress and very conflicted, but she was aware of that. She was a fully developed adult. She deliberately pursued Izu w/ the intention of destroying her, and would have had Gai not said the wrong thing and set Fuwa off. And Izu was frightened and trying to run away. She resists Fuwa’s repeated attempts to snap her out of it.

Rightly so, people noted Yua’s situation, were upset for her and felt bad for her. When there were jackasses saying she should die, people called it out as bad. People were cheering for her to get away from Gai. People were happy when she did. And this includes me. I blocked people I saw shitting on Yua and saying she should die bc what the fuck, guys, she was in a seriously messed up situation.

Once free of Gai, Yua is uncertain what to do and decides to try and ‘make up’ for something she feels responsible for in a rather questionable way. She ends up helping the Ark rise and wreak havoc. Still people recognise that she couldn’t have known that would happen. Poor Yua’s been through a lot.

Meanwhile, Horobi is hacked and brainwashed by the Ark twelve years ago. She uses him to cause Daybreak. He is an AI being controlled by a larger AI designed to control HumaGear like him. Unlike and adult human being pressured and manipulated, he is literally incapable of thinking outside the Ark’s will. The Ark has complete control. Even if he did have any experience to compare w/ before, the Ark erases it. He has no frame of reference besides the Ark, no development of any kind to evaluate his situation w/. Even when Jin becomes important to him, everything is through the lens of the Ark, the Ark is more than a god to him. The brainwashing is so deep that even when disconnected for a bit, he can’t be anything besides blindly devoted. Talks about how the Ark is absolute. When confronted w/ something that causes uncertainty, he goes into a full on mental breakdown—literally, should have been a first clue that emotions were never going to come easy for him.

Eventually, he does end up w/ enough experience to just start to begin to break free. Manages to act completely on his own for the first time in his life—not an instinct that the Ark swooped in to take advantage of, he gets to go through w/ it on his own. And he’s floored. He literally cannot fathom why his body moved on its own, as far as he can tell. Can’t understand the fact that he wanted to do something. This is recognised as a big deal (one of the only times anyone tries to actually talk him out of things, in fact, unlike Yua, where there was a lot of effort). Horobi begins to wonder about things outside the Ark’s will, about himself, which he’s never considered before… Only to have it turn out his son was plotting to have the Ark possess him and then kill him to kill her. This completely upends any development he had. He’s re-hacked and rendered as largely a drone when not being possessed.

Finally, someone decides to put effort into him (kinda…) again. And, in a situation that heavily parallels Yua, he ends up finding it in him to break free of the Ark. Only… Again, a lot like Yua, it’s not a clean break. He’s still stuck w/ the past, the conditioning, and the effects of what happened. Additionally, as later becomes clear, his struggling w/ feeling emotions, which he has been carefully conditioned to reject and have no experience w/, for the first time. He’s mentally unstable and volatile. Now, in the show, what happens is the result of Azu/the Ark’s manipulations and people making poor decisions (and I do think you can make an argument for the fact that the Ark was intentionally keeping Horobi from feeling/having any experience w/ emotions to make him even more of a wreck later on), and poking a very volatile bear (well, a highly traumatised child soldier AI who has no fucking clue what emotions are to the point it feels like an outside being controlling him somehow), he lashes out, and Izu calmly stands there and deliberately takes a hit she very clearly sees coming. General chaos ensues. From Horobi’s perspective, the thing he’s been trained to think will get rid of the uncertainty and emotions etc. not only doesn’t work, but it makes him feel worse, and bc he has no other way he knows how to respond, he becomes more aggressive in rejecting those feelings. And then Jin dies, and he completely breaks down.

The reaction he gets? People calling him evil and horrible and saying he should die. That e’s choosing to do these things. People who talk about how Yua can’t really be held accountable, how she was coerced, look at a literal brainwash victim and say he choose to do those things.

Now, obviously, there are differences, which resulted in the different out comes—obviously the whole, one is a fully developed human adult and the other one is an AI. One was externally conditioned, the other, again, literally brainwashed. One had someone fighting to convince them to break free of their situation on a regular basis, repeatedly, constantly, the other didn’t. Yua was always going to have an easier break than Horobi, bc she had more mental and emotional maturity, but bc of that, esp in regards to actions done whilst under the ‘control’ of others, she has more responsibility for her actions bc she was capable of identifying them as wrong.

Now, of course, both situations are bad for the people involved. Both of them are victims.

But the issue is that people seem to be all over how Yua was a victim, Yua was mistreated… While attacking Horobi (and being upset about Izu dying is one thing, although, again, the person really responsible for that was Azu/th ark(well, Gai for creating her), Horobi was pretty much used as a weapon there, but this is for stuff he did while mind controlled).

And I used Yua just bc she and Horobi had the most parallel responses to their situations. The same goes for being able to see Fuwa as a victim, or Naki (so if Naki is the one who gave Horobi the ZetsumeRise Keys, does that make them responsible for Operation MaGear, or bc they gave Horobi the ForceRiser and said to use it on Jin, are they responsible for that? Bc that’s the logic of blaming Horobi for Daybreak), or Raiden, or even Aruto for that time he got hijacked via MCH. Any of the hacked HumaGear who were turned into MaGear.

Just… The concept of seeing how all of those people are victims in the situation… But blaming Horobi? Like… Not being interested in Horobi is one thing. Obviously, no on is going to be as madly in love w/ him as I am. It’s the act of not recognising him as being a victim while recognising everyone in similar situations as victims. It’s saying he was responsible for Daybreak, treating him like the Ark’s will was his (I’m literally having flashbacks to comments calling Horobi’s whole death ‘Horobi’s plan,’ even though by that point we literally knew the Ark was an entity that existed). Like… They literally confirmed it in show as not being that. Horobi is a mind control victim. What someone’s personal opinion of the character outside of that is another matter. But the fact is that he was mind controlled by the Ark and that the things he did under her control cannot be objectively called things he chose to do. Whether someone thinks he would have chosen them if he weren’t mind controlled… Esp given how all his actions of own choice were about protecting Jin, I personally disagree. But the show has been very explicit that he was mind controlled, and that he had no clue how to handle emotions (to the point he didn’t even seem to know what they are), so being able to understand that all those other people, esp the ones who went through similar things, are victims… But Horobi’s to blame for what he did? That’s just ridiculous.

And don’t even get me started on how anyone could ever see Gai as being a bigger victim than Horobi.

[silverdriftdragon]

Break the Silence

Hell dear Anon! First off, thanks so much for the request! I rather enjoyed writing it, even if I struggled with the end a bit. Funny that you should request these two with “Mouth stitched shut” though because the moment I got the card and saw that one, I had pretty much already given it to them.

Also, I apologize for any grammar of spelling issues. English is my first language, I just suck at it.

Possible TW for minor body horror. Thanks to @badthingshappenbingo for the card~ Requests still open for FE3H~ Anyway, hope you enjoy!

---------

Hubert had thought nothing of it when he didn’t see the Prime Minister during the day. After all, even post war there was much to be done. It wasn’t uncommon in the slightest for them to depart company after the morning meetings with a kiss (still much to the embarrassment of Hubert and the amusement of Emperor Edelgard) and then see nothing of each other until the evening when they dropped all Imperial matters to join each other for dinner and their beverage of choice. However, when evening fell and Ferdinand didn’t show… he knew something was amiss. At first, Hubert wondered if he was just late, busy fussing with his hair or trapped in a matter he couldn’t escape… but more and more time ticked on and still no sign of Ferdinand. Something was off.

 Slowly, Hubert rose from his chair and headed to the places where his significant other frequently got held up. Nothing. Next, he took a stroll to the shop where Ferdinand bought his tea. The shopkeeper greeted him cheerfully, asking him if he was here shopping for Duke Aegir today. Hubert's face knitted itself into a look of disappointment but went ahead and purchased the tea regardless as their personal stock was becoming low. He left there and went to the coffee shop next door. No Ferdinand there either, but there was an order called in that morning that Ferdinand never showed up to get.

 He tried his best to keep his wandering mind in check as he practically power walked back to the palace. Surely Edelgard had seen him and this was nothing more than a business meeting that took far to long. The war was over after all and while Hubert understood better than most that threats still lingered, he couldn’t possibly think of anyone stupid enough to go after Ferdinand. The man could hold his own, sure, but most wouldn’t dare even look his direction maliciously for fear of Hubert's scorn.

 As he approached the doors to the throne room, he was nearly run over by Caspar who was on his way out in quite a hurry. Hubert stopped the normally over eager general, expecting to have to scold him about paying attention, but the look on his face suggested that there was more that needed to be asked. “Caspar. And where might you be off to in such a hurry? Late for dinner with Ashe again I take it?”

 “Uuuuuh hey Hubert. I was uh… just off on a mission. No big deal. Really got to go though so if you could just…. HEY!” Caspar answered nervously, yelping when Hubert when to drag him back into the throne room. “You really don’t want me wasting time on this! I need to go now!”

 The large commotion Caspar was causing (to no one's surprise of course) attracted the attention of everyone in the room… and the way they all looked away from Hubert was troublesome. The mage threw Caspar down in front of him and peered up at Edelgard. “Your Majesty.” He addressed her calmly with a polite bow.

 “Hubert…” She answered, worry clear on her face. “Caspar, please go. I’ll handle this.” She remained quiet at first, watching her general scramble away. Once he disappeared, she straightened her posture and tried her best to sound convincingly collected. “What can I do for you, Count Vestra?”

 “Your Majesty,” He started, his gaze never leaving her face even though she would not look at him. He was bothered by her addressing him so formally, something she never did unless she was scolding him or under a great deal of stress… and her expression pointed to the latter. “may I ask what is going on? No one in this room, yourself included, will look me in the eyes and General Bergliez seems to be in quite a rush… dare I assume this has to do with Ferdinand since I’ve been unable to locate him?” He had remained fairly calm up to this point, but when Edelgard still couldn’t meet his gaze, his body tensed.

 “As astute as ever, Hubert… Yes. This morning I sent Ferdinand out on a diplomatic errand… we received word not too long ago that the party was ambushed and None of his men survived. The aftermath was discovered by one of Caspar’s men patrolling the area… but he did not find him among the dead, so we can only hope he is alive and being held hostage.”

 “And when were you planning on informing me of this?” Now his tone had a venomous quality to it, which he would likely be scolded for later given who he was talking to. Magic began to crackle at his fingertips, causing him to clench his fist and jaw to keep himself in check. Now was not the time to lash out.

 “Truthfully I had no plans of telling you. Not until we had recovered him… or at the very least recovered a body.” Only now did she meet his gaze, holding her ground against his well-deserved anger. “I should have known that keeping anything from you was impossible, especially something regarding Ferdinand. But I couldn’t risk you rushing off and something happening to you both.”

 “Then you’ll have to forgive me upon my return, Your Majesty, as I will be doing exactly that.” Without waiting on her response, he turned away and headed back toward the door.

 “Count Vestra, you will do no such thing.” She commanded, hoping that his staunch loyalty would give him pause. When he kept walking, she hurried off after him. “Hubert, please. I’ve already sent Caspar and his elite guard out to search for him.”

 “And I will be joining them.”

 “I cannot allow that. If something were to happen to you as well-“

 “Forgive my blatant disobedience, Emperor Edelgard…” He paused only long enough to glance over his shoulder at her. The desperate yet determined look in his eyes causing her to pause, a soft gasp sneaking past her lips. “but if roles were reversed and this was Lady Byleth in danger, you would do the same.” With that, he set off again to join the search.

 Edelgard was unable to argue that. It was true, orders be damned, if Byleth had been taken, she would be the first out the door. So, she just watched him walk away for a moment before she turned back to the throne room. “Safe travels, Hubert…”

 -

 To say Caspar had been uneasy to have Hubert joining them was a monumental understatement, and the ride to the sight of the attack with that tense, uncomfortable silence didn’t help. What if the guy had been wrong and they did find Ferdinand dead among his guard? Or even if he wasn’t, what if they tracked him down and they were too late to save him? Caspar was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be able to handle any reaction that Hubert had. His mind played though scenario after scenario, trying to steel himself for whatever might happen. It helped on the battlefield, so it couldn’t hurt now. He only snapped back to reality once he realized they had arrived.

 “Damn… This really was a massacre…” He muttered to himself as he climbed down from his horse and started picking through the scene for clues. His eyes kept wandering up to Hubert, who had dismounted and immediately started to check the bodies. However, he quickly became confused when Hubert soon returned to his horse. “Uuuuh Hubert? Where ya goin?”

 “I confirmed that he is, in fact, not among the dead. If he is not here, he is elsewhere, and I intend to find him.”

 “Yeah… I got that. We haven’t exactly figured out where to go though.”

 Hubert gave a rather irritated sigh. “Look closely. All their valuables are intact, meaning that this was not the work of bandits. That, with the fact that Ferdinand was not slaughtered and left here with his men indicates that whoever did this was only after Ferdinand and needed him alive. My guess is either for information on myself or Her Majesty. That said, as flippant as he can be, getting the jump on Ferdinand would not have been an easy task. The only way they would have been able to accomplish something like this without losing many of their own would have been to come from behind. Silent and on foot. Lastly, from personal experience, one does not want to haul a political hostage on foot very far, too much opportunity to get caught… Which narrows down our search area drastically.” After he finished his explanation and still received a blank stare from Caspar, he rolled his eyes. “They are likely holed up in the mountains, beyond the pass.”

 “Oh. Why didn’t you just say that?” Caspar stood up quickly and jogged back to his horse, calling his men to do the same. Once on their way, that tense silence befell them again. It made Caspar so beyond uncomfortable that he absolutely needed to start talking to get rid of it. “So… uh…” He hadn’t considered what to talk about before he opened his mouth. Now, though, Hubert was looking at him expectantly and that stare only made matters worse, so he just blurted out the first thing on his mind. “What happens if we don’t get to him in time?” Immediately, he regretted asking. Hubert looked away from him almost instantly, a mix of anguish and fury on his face.

 “I’ll make each and every one of them that even considered laying a hand on him suffer as he did, threefold. And then… they will die.”

 Caspar quickly decided that the silence wasn’t so bad after that.

 The group came to a halt when Hubert suddenly stopped and dismounted near a cave neatly tucked away among the cliffs. It was inconspicuous, easy to miss unless you had an attention to detail like he did. It was the perfect spot to hid away with a political prisoner if you did want to get caught… or to set up a trap for the rescue party. Only one way in with high rocky walls leading to the entrance. It left no hope of escape should someone come in behind them. Normally, he would wait, formulate a fool proof plan, make sure they would lose as little as possible… but one more detail caught his attention. Blood on the wall near the mouth of the cave with a few strands of long amber-orange hair stuck to it. A quiet growl escaped him as he started to head inside. “Caspar. Remain here and watch for a potential ambush. I sense this may be a trap.”

 “Whoa Whoa wait a minute, I thought I was the impulsive one here!” Caspar hopped down from his horse, barking an order to his men to stand guard. “If this is a trap, is it a good idea for you to go running in by yourself? No way! I’m going too.”

 “You’ll do no such thing. You cannot leave your men here with no command… General.” His lips turned up into a small smirk when the hotheaded warrior growled but didn’t argue. “If I do not return soon, you may come for me then.” As he had made a habit of doing today, he departed without waiting for an answer.

 “How soon is… aaaand he’s gone.” Caspar heaved a sigh and kicked at a rock. “He better come back. I’m gonna be taking the heat if he doesn’t…”

 -

 For a hideout, it was rather dimly lit, many of the passages barely visible to someone not used to such conditions. Luckily, Hubert was trained for this. When your primary job was to guard the heir to the throne and eventually the Emperor, you had to be able to do so in any situation. However, it only further proved his assumption of this being a trap. One likely set with the express intention of drawing him out. Taking the Prime Minister would surely warrant an elite rescue. Whoever these people were, they were smart enough to know that Edelgard would send him at the head of the group, thus giving them the chance to kill him and then kill their hostage. This in mind, he moved carefully, his footsteps making nary a sound.

 He soon happened upon a light at the end of the main passageway.  The fact that this area was more lit up than the rest practically screamed ‘hey I’m a trap!’ but it was most likely where Ferdinand was being held. The one place where he couldn’t hide among the shadows. He straightened his posture and walked in with a confident stride. That determined gait quickly deteriorated into a hurried, undignified scramble once he laid eyes on the limp figure tied to a chair in the center of the room. At first, he feared he was too late, but as he knelt in front of Ferdinand, relief flooded over him. The slow but arrhythmic movement of his chest indicated that not only was he alive, but likely conscious. Slowly, the count removed one of his gloves, reaching past that mess of fiery orange hair to lift his head up, hoping that feeling that skin on skin contact might calm the surely frightened man. He was met first with a weary look of surprise, a muffled gasp and whimper of pain following shortly after, prompting Hubert to start checking him over for injuries. There was a gash and dried blood just off his brow ridge where his head had been slammed into the wall outside, his nose and part of his cheek were bruised up and a bit bloodied, but none those concerned him more than the hand shaped bruising around his neck and the way his mouth had been crudely stitched shut with fishing line. He didn’t bother checking any further, he had seen enough to know what needed to be done. That’s when he heard the footsteps closing in, almost as if this was meant to be.

 “Look, boys. We caught a rat in our trap.” A female voice cooed from behind him. “There is quite a bounty on your head, traitor.”

 “Of that, I have no doubt.” Hubert started calmly, rising to feet and slipping his glove back on as he turned to face the group that he blocked him in. He recognized them of course, people that had served his father. Loyalists. People who would want him dead to avenge the assassination he himself had carried out. “I assume this was all your doing then? Kidnap the Prime Minister, ransom his life for mine? Or simply wait until Emperor Edelgard sent me to his rescue? Clever, I’ll admit.”

 “Tch, you think you are real smart, don’t you? What our plan was doesn’t matter. We got you here, alone. You are out numbered and out classed. Give up and I’ll make it quick.”

 “And you’ll certainly release Duke Aegir right after, I’m sure.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s a shame really… I wanted to commend you. Normally, there would be no way out of this. However, you made one grave miscalculation.”

 “What the hell are you on about?” The leader growled, raising her weapon.

 His face grew dark, the smile only making his stare more unsettling. Black magic swirled to life around them as he raised his hand, pausing only long enough to speak. “You underestimated my feelings for Duke Aegir...” A sense of satisfaction course through him as their faces all turned to terror, him implication realized. “Now, your life if forfeit for the pain you caused him. Even if it destroys me in the process.” Some tried to rush him, the rest tried to flee as the powerful magic surged forward, leaving little that was recognizable as human in its wake. One managed to escape, but now burdened with the cost of using such magic, Hubert collapsed as he went to give chase. Ferdinand started to panic, trying his best to say something, anything, but only causing himself pain in the process. “Ferdinand, hush!” The order came out much harsher than he meant it, but it served its purpose. Slowly, he forced himself to his hands and knees and drug himself over to the chair, sitting against it and looking up at Ferdinand.  “I’m alright. Please do not worsen your condition with needless panic… Give me a moment to regain my bearings and I shall-”

 “Huuuuubert!” A rather loud voice called, interrupting Hubert's thought. The sounds of Caspar's heavy footsteps echoed through the cave almost as much as his voice did.

 The count gave the most annoyed (and slightly relieved) sigh and shook his head. “It is good that I’m not in any real danger…” The gentle annoyance in his tone earned him a soft, but very welcomed snicker from the man next to him as Caspar came stomping around the corner.

 “There you are! And you found Ferdinand! But uh… why are you just-“ there was a sickening squish that made the general stop dead in his tracks. “Oh… oh gross. I stepped in… I stepped in one of the poor bastards that took Ferdinand, didn’t I?”

 “Indeed you have. And while you are more than welcome to be disgusted by it later, I need you to cut him free and *gently* hand him here so that I may undo this… atrocity.”

 “Atrocity? What are you- oh shit! What the hell… is that… is that fishing line?! What kind of fucked up-“

 “Caspar.”

 “Right! Sorry.” He moved quickly to do what he had been asked. “Wait wouldn’t it be quicker to let me unstitch him? Since I’m right here?”

 Hubert pulled a small pair of scissors out of the inside of his coat and cast a sharp glare to Caspar. “I do not trust you and your brutish strength to do this with the gentle precision it requires.”

 “Sheesh. No need to be rude. Just say you’d rather do it. And I’m not even going to ask why you carry scissors.” Caspar huffed as he finally freed Ferdinand and helped him down into Hubert’s waiting arms. Ferdinand practically clung to Hubert, his slender frame trembling as a flood of emotions hit him at once. Caspar hovered awkwardly for several moments before he started walking away. “I’m gonna goooo… check for stragglers. Yell if you need me.”

 Hubert waited until Caspar disappeared before he pulled Ferdinand away gently, removing his glove once more before running his thumb over his cheek. His features softened, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth. “Hush now… it’s over. You are safe.” He assured, wiping tears from Ferdinand’s face. “Now, however, I need you to remain still so I don’t cause you any more harm.” He waited until Ferdinand nodded before picking up the scissors and setting to work. Each strand he snipped and removed caused Ferdinand to tense, but miraculously he remained surprising still. Once he pulled the last strand away, Hubert moved his hand to cover Ferdinand’s mouth, hoping his meager white magic skill would at least tame the swelling and ease the pain.  There was a small flash of light, his hand falling weakly back to his side soon after. There was silence between them at first, but eventually Ferdinand broke the silence.

 “Are you alright, Hubert?” He asked softly, wincing some at the lingering pain.  “You should not exhaust yourself so on my account… If something were to happen to you, I…” He trailed off, mildly confused when his partner gave a weak laugh.

 “After such an ordeal and you are worried over me? Typical.”

 “Hubert… do not tease. I was being serious.”

 “I’ll be fine, rest will be sufficient for what ails me.” He answered. “After all, I certainly did not disregard a direct order to stay in the capital to end up dying here. Her Majesty would have been beside herself.”

 “You did not…” When Hubert just smirked at him, Ferdinand made a rather undignified noise. “Hubert!”

 “If anything had happened to you, I wouldn’t have known what to do with myself. Is that not what you just tried to tell me?” There was a sincerity to his voice that caused his partner to gasp and blush, confirming what he had said to be true. “I thought so.” He gave a small hum and placed a soft kiss on Ferdinand’s forehead, before leaning back with a content sigh, fully intending to stay right there until Caspar came back on his own. Once they returned, there would be reports to file and other official business regarding this incident… so for now, he wished to simply enjoy this time that they had while also regaining some of his strength. Ferdinand, for once, didn’t argue and just laid his head on Hubert’s shoulder.

 When Caspar did finally come back, he found the both in that exact same position, sound asleep.