#and everyone as resorts to their dynamics at that time as well. the contrast of people in suits and ties sitting on the back of the bus

[violentdevotion]

3 and 14 for the wip ask :00

self haunt was...

i didnt think about it much beyond that because i was torn on how to write it. rather as a first person account from the woman or third person so the reveal that she's not actually a ghost is drawn out. or even from the house itself. it would've been very gothic in tone though like a Miss Havisham kind if character, except today. so I imagined her in a big black victorian mourning dress but she still pours herself a bowl of cereal everyday. at the time I had the idea I was kind of nocturnal and would sleep during the day and sneak around at night to eat and I felt like I was haunting my house so I guess it was inspired by that and as such I never got round to actually writing it because I didn't want it too personally tied to the actual real me.

14. everyone on the bus is happier than you was just this

I wrote it while on the bus when someone I recognised from highschool got on and I was scared of them recognising me and also disappointed that they didn't. this is straight up just a diary entry from a person (me) who got on the bus after their retail job and was lamenting over the fact that it felt like everyone in the world is happy except for them (me) and they (me) reimagined it as a little story.

[in-loving-memory-of]

Takashi x short! reader (sfw and nsfw)

Just another set of headcanons for Takashi. Since I did a tall reader one, I wanna do a short reader as well (even though everybody and their mama has already done it). If/when I do anymore, I have some ideas for a shy reader and some more general stuff.

gender neutral reader. no mentions of “she”, just “you” and “they”

Since this contains nsfw stuff, I’d really appreciate if minors didn’t interact. I know I can’t really stop you, but the idea of a child reading this makes me uncomfortable, so please don’t. I have a couple other sfw posts if you’re interested, or hell, you could even read until it gets to the nsfw part (it’ll say nsfw, trust, you won’t have to search for it), but anyway, everyone else, enjoy.

- Takashi doesn’t care much about his partner’s appearance or anything, so will he truly care how tall or short his partner is? Nah, but he can still enjoy different aspects of their stature.

- He loves his short s/o, and would no matter their size, but he likes how, for lack of a better word, fragile they seem.

- Your stature makes him a little overprotective. It may even feel a little smothering/suffocating at times, but he’s trying his best to curb it enough for your taste.

- He’ll help you whenever your height gets in the way of something that needs to be done, i.e. reaching a high shelf. You don’t even have to ask most of the time, but he’d never feel put out by it, so you would never have to be afraid to ask if needed.

- It actually fuels that desire of his to feel helpful and needed, so definitely let him help you with whatever you need or want.

- If, for whatever reason, someone was to dog on you for your height, specifically if it upset you or you didn’t find it humorous, he would definitely be a little upset with them, but he wouldn’t attack them or even threaten them (and oml whenever i see someone hc that he would do some shit like that, I know automatically they can’t be older than twelve, cuz that is some CHILDISH shit), but if it was a recurring problem, he’d probably talk to them to let them know it bothered you. If they were intending to upset you, he would think less of them, but again, wouldn’t resort to violence or anything. He’d focus more attention on reassuring you that your height is not at all a problem and you have no reason to be upset over what some troglodyte thinks of you.

- He’s not big on PDA, but he is pretty physically affectionate, especially in private. He loves to spoon you, and it feels like his body just engulfs your own every time.

- He also loves the feeling of your small hands in his, and he likes to have an arm around you/a hand on you as often as possible when you’re together.

- He thinks it’s adorable how small you feel in his arms, and not that he’d be very obvious about it, but he gets flustered just by hugging/holding you. Contact like that is just very intimate, and he reserves it for those closest to him.

—— NSFW below ——

(minors, this is where i ask again for you to stop reading)

- Takashi loves any position that emphasizes the contrast in your heights.

- He is a naturally dominant guy, and that carries over into the bedroom, so no real surprise that he likes to be on top most of the time.

- Not to say that’s all he enjoys, since he actually really likes when you ride him, especially when he can hold your hips/guide you. He likes the power dynamic, and he’s very focused on your feelings above his own, so he wants to do whatever he can to make you feel good. Whatever you like, he loves.

- Bringing this back around to more of his favorite positions, though, he loves to have you on your hands and knees and drape himself over you, since that closeness really gets him going, plus, to reiterate, he loves how he just dwarfs your frame.

- He’s a strong guy, so he likes to hold you against a wall, since that shit’s a cakewalk for him, and you seem to enjoy it (go with it, cuz i said so)

- The only problem with his strength is the fact that he worries about hurting you a lot, even, or especially, in the bedroom. The fact that you’re so much smaller than him adds to this fear, so you may have to remind him sometimes that you don’t have paper skin and glass bones.

- If you do want him to be rougher with you during sex, he can, but it’s not his default, so you’d probably have to voice that desire to him.

- He’s naturally caring and considerate, even nurturing, so he is normally very sweet in the bedroom. He would be all praise, no degradation (again, unless you want him to), and he’ll make you feel like the most important thing in the world.

Alright, well, any other head canons I have are more vague, so I don’t feel they fit in the “short reader” category. I’ll probably be doing some more of these, since I would rather do this than anything important (like homework, which is exactly what I was avoiding by writing this for thirty minutes instead of responding to some fuck ass discussion posts. college is an endless cycle of torture, please, i can’t do two more years of this, someone put me out of my misery)

[imfoive]

The Youngest Son - Chapter 4

Minho x Reader (fem.) Genre: non-idol au!, Suspense, Angst, Romance, Mature Warnings: mentions of drugs, cursing, murder, death, somewhat proofread WC: 5.7k A/N: I'm really wowed by how quickly I planned this out. Feedback is always welcome, enjoy! ── MASTERLIST

Synopsis: The youngest son of the Lee family was stubborn, he was arrogant, he was conniving. Hiding it all behind the mask of a calm and collected man, the youngest son was a master at mind games. Playing a dangerous game where trust is a luxury and betrayal lurks around every corner. He had sworn once, to not let family ties or any feelings hold him back. Yet, against all odds, she had him completely wrapped around her fingers, and he had no desire to break free.

Missed a chapter? - Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3

CHAPTER 4 ───────────────────

Following the death of Lee Jae, the rest of the business circle remained oblivious to the secret project that Park Hyunmin had meticulously planned for quite some time. 

Rose Enterprises. 

Park Hyunmin was still young when he returned from Australia to embark on his entrepreneurial journey. Naming the company after his late Australian mother, who had passed away during his teenage years, held deep personal significance for him. Despite that he successfully transformed the Park family, who had initially started as hotel workers in Australia, into prominent figures in the hospitality industry almost immediately, even expanding into the restaurant business. 

Hyunmin’s reputation and influence were unparalleled, any collaboration with the Park Family and Rose Enterprises promised to catapult an entrepreneur’s importance in their society. However, Park Hyunmin wasn’t seeking just any entrepreneur for this ambitious venture.

L Corporation had solidified its position as a major player in the industrial industry, with its name attached to some of the largest malls, resorts, hotels, and even bridges. They were known for their wealth, intelligence, and strategic business ordeals. They were a perfect fit for Park Hyunmin’s ambitions. However, despite their success, the director harbored reservations about trusting them completely.

Since Chairman Lee’s retirement and the subsequent takeover by his sons, there had been a noticeable shift within L Corporation. The once formidable leadership of Chairman Lee, who single-handedly managed client needs, was replaced by his less competent sons. And despite their shortcomings, they somehow managed to maintain L Corp.’s top position in the industry. 

However, the next generation, the grandchildren, was a mixed bag. Only three out of six were deemed worthy of praise. Park Hyunmin saw potential collaboration with L Corporation as both an opportunity and a risk, weighing the benefits of their established reputation against the uncertainty of their internal dynamics.

The oldest, Jungshin. He was excelling, but mostly took care of their overseas branches. 

Then came Joohyeon. He was always falling short, but still did well. He was once married to some mayor’s daughter, but even that didn’t last.

Jookshin was the only daughter of the family. She was married off early to another big name family in the medical field, she still did her part. 

Jihoon was the oddball. He was never present for anything, people sometimes forget he was also part of the family. 

Jae did somewhat of a decent job, barely hitting the line. The only time he actually hit, was women and drugs. Although he did have everyone fooled that he had changed.

Finally Minho. The youngest son.

He kept his life extremely private. He was always present, yet didn’t have any scandals to his name. It’s surprising that he was able to avoid being corrupted by the not so pretty deeds of his older brothers.

Minho was a frequent topic of conversation for Y/N. Despite being the same age, their personalities couldn't have been more different. Y/N, spirited and carefree, stood in stark contrast to Minho’s stoicism. This contrast intrigued Park Hyunmin.

As a young man, Minho often went unnoticed in rooms filled with older, more established figures. However, his capabilities became glaringly apparent during the press conference following Jae’s scandal involving drugs and an escort a few years back.

At just twenty-one, Minho had adeptly managed the fallout almost single-handedly, impressing Park Hyunmin with his poise and skill.

It dawned on Park Hyunmin then.

Lee Minho was their secret weapon in damage control. A role he seemed to excel in more with each passing challenge.

He was young enough to navigate situations with unnoticed ease, often slipping under the radar without drawing undue attention to himself. Minho maintained a reserved demeanor, always composed yet aware, easily finding solutions to various challenges and obstacles.

However, Park Hyunmin harbored a growing dissatisfaction with the amount of time his daughter spent in Minho’s company.

He noticed how Minho attempted to avoid Y/N’s advances at social gatherings, only to find himself inevitably drawn into her orbit. Despite his efforts to maintain distance, their paths seemed to cross frequently, leading to speculation and rumors about their dynamic.

The gossip mill labeled Minho as Y/N’s “boy-toy,” a rumor that had gained momentum over the past years due to their peculiar relationship. From Park Hyunmin’s perspective, there wasn’t even enough substance to define what they had as a relationship, adding to his unease about their closeness.

They were Business friends.

And everyone knew what that term meant. But he was starting to wonder if his daughter did.

A few months before the grand engagement announcement, during Park Hyunmin and his wife’s anniversary celebration, Y/N’s father had observed Minho being pulled away from a group and disappearing with Y/N onto the terrace overlooking the garden. It wasn’t an uncommon sight but it caught the father’s eye. Concerned, he found Minho later, getting some fresh air along the stairway, or so he claimed.

With a directness typical of him, the father posed a question to Minho that caught him off guard. 

   “Do you see yourself marrying my daughter?”

Minho’s bewildered expression was enough for Y/N’s father to discern that romantic interest was not the reason behind their closeness. So, he pressed further, pointing out the societal gossip surrounding them. 

   “Then what is it? Isn’t it a bit unusual for you two to always be together? People in this society talk.”

Maintaining his composure, Minho stood upright and faced Y/N’s father squarely. 

   “People in this society always talk.” He replied calmly with a polite smile.

   “Y/N and I are simply classmates who have become acquaintances. It’s difficult to find trustworthy acquaintances in our circle. We’ve known each other for years, learned together, so it’s natural for her to seek me out. That’s all.”

Park Hyunmin took a sip of his drink, adjusting his glasses, he mused. “Acquaintances, huh?”

   “Yes, acquaintances.” Minho affirmed. 

They weren’t even friends.

Y/N’s father would be lying if he said he didn’t think of proposing for Lee Minho to get engaged with his daughter, especially when considering how Minho could be an asset in dealing with L Corporation. However, the conversation he had with Minho by the stairwell weighed heavily on his mind.

Besides, pursuing an engagement with Minho would mean entering into a deal with the second son of Chairman Lee, whose capabilities fell short in Park Hyunmin’s estimation. While both brothers had their strengths and weaknesses, and claimed there was no disparity between the sub families within the Lee line, Rose Enterprises’ grand project demanded the best, and the director was inclined towards the more competent option.

Everything had seemed to be going according to his plans, until it went awry somewhere along.

With Jae’s recent death and the sudden decision to delay announcing the broken engagement, Park Hyunmin’s ambitious “Rose Garden” project had to be put on hold.

Despite the circumstances, his daughter Y/N had to maintain the facade of being Jae’s fiancée, a role she reluctantly played for the time being. Other families offered condolences and sent gifts, but beneath the surface, they were all calculating the right moment to propose alliances for the hand of the sole heiress.

In the competitive world they inhabited, Y/N’s engagement had been seen as a significant social event, marking her availability for marriage. Now, as they awaited the appropriate period of mourning to pass, other families were poised to make their moves, eager to secure advantageous unions with the prestigious Park family.

Y/N scoffs at the gift that some no-name nobody had sent her in efforts to woo her. A token of sympathy adorned with pretty flowers and hollow offers of support. The messages always carried the same undertone “if you ever needed someone to talk to” they were always ready to listen.

It’s been six months since Jae died. Initially, it was all the news would talk about for weeks on end, trying to dig deeper, trying to come up with theories of how he died.

But then someone else in high society did something stupid and the media was all over that.

Y/N’s mother was another headache, who just couldn’t catch a hint. Surprisingly her nice mother hadn’t been corrupted, even after having lived in high society for over twenty-five years, but she was easily trusting. She was a simple woman really, who Park Hyunmin had met when he was still trying to make The Rose Enterprises bigger than it was. They had risen together, but that woman didn’t change.

However, Y/N found her mother’s continuous efforts to set her up with potential suitors exasperating. These men were often charming and polite in social settings, but Y/N saw through their facade, politeness merely a pretense to curry favor. But despite Y/N’s attempts to shut down these setups, her mother persisted in her well-meaning, but misguided approach.

   “Isn’t Kim Seungmin the nice young man from the mall?” The mother read the gift card.

   “Yeah, the one whose family owns the Star Mall chain.” She retorted dryly, clearly unimpressed by her mother’s matchmaking efforts.

The mother hesitated, then suggested, “What about giving it a chance? He seemed polite and well-mannered.”

   “Really? Jae seemed like a good person too, until he attacked me in our own hotel parking lot.” Y/N countered sharply.

The mention of Jae’s actions visibly hardened her mother’s expression, acknowledging the truth in Y/N’s words even if reluctantly. It was truly a bad decision that her husband had made, blinded by ambition and the lies about Jae changing for the better.

There’s a knock on the glass door to her office, and a few seconds later Y/N’s father entered, brightening up at the sight of both ladies.

   “Ah, what are you doing here?” He asks his wife.

   “Trying to convince this one to meet someone for a blind date.”

Her father was used to her mother’s naivety, chuckling as he nodded and took a seat next to. His attention immediately drew to the colorful basket of flowers on the table. He picked up the card attached to it, glancing over its contents with curiosity.

   “You know, having the Kim’s at our side isn’t a bad idea. They’re established and even have a few more small projects planned.” Her father begins to say, glancing up at her, cautiously.

   “Just tell me if we’re already engaged. I seem to be the last one to find out about my own engagement anyway.” She muttered.

Her father glanced guiltily at her mother once before looking at her. His expression hardened.

   “If you’re waiting in hopes that Lee Minho will suddenly take an interest in you, you can forget it.”

The mention of Minho’s name brought her attention automatically to look at her father. Brows narrowed.

   “What do you mean?”

   “That young man has a clear set of goals. And you aren’t one of them.” Her father’s words were stern, warning.

Y/N blinked back, taking in his words. She bit back, jaw tightening as she frowned angrily.

Just who did he think he was to reject her? She hadn’t even confessed.

As Minho sat in his office, engrossed in his work, the door suddenly swung open and his mother sauntered in, her gaze sweeping critically around the room.

   “Love what you’ve done to the place. Very…minimalistic.” She remarked, her tone carrying a hint of judgment.

Minho stood up, setting aside his work with a slight frown.

   “What brings you here?” He asked curtly, not eager to engage in an unnecessary conversation with her.

   “That’s not of any importance to you.” She replied dismissively.

He couldn’t help but let out a sarcastic laugh, rolling his eyes in exasperation. It was clear she was here to babble nonsense, trying to get information or even a rise out of him.

   “If you’re in the mood to waste someone’s time, I’m sure father is taking his lunch break.” He retorted, starting to walk back towards his desk.

   “Y/N’s mother has been asking around for decent young men in our circle. Poor woman doesn’t realize we have no decent men in our society, bless her.” His mother continued casually, a smile playing on her lips.

She watched his stoic composure, leaning against his desk, unbothered, unsurprisingly.

   “Does Y/N know anything about it?” She continued.

He turned to face his mother, his expression guarded. She was sharp and well-educated, yet she had a penchant for gossip like any other high-society woman.

   “How would I know what Y/N is or isn’t aware of?” Minho replied coolly, sliding his hands into his pockets.

His mother shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, I assume you would, since you two are always together. Maybe she’d have mentioned it to you.”

   “Y/N and I are not close.” Minho stated firmly, turning his attention back towards his desk, his fingers idly playing with the pens lined up.

   “I have absolutely no interest in her or what she thinks. Her desperation keeps me entertained, that’s all. She’s of no importance to me.”

Just as he looked up, his expression suddenly fell, his eyes widening as they passed his mother and landed on the figure standing in the doorway.

There stood the woman who was of no importance to him.

───────────────────────

The memories of a first kiss are something that a person typically doesn’t forget. Whether it’s was a bad kiss, a fleeting peck, or a passionate embrace, the fluttering feeling in their hearts are etched into memory.

But for Y/N, her first kiss was with a complete stranger.

She dubbed him her “cross-chain kisser.” Amid the pulsing lights of the club, the only detail she could vividly recall was the silver cross pendant hanging from his neck.

Y/N had just turned nineteen, and her father had spared no expense in throwing a grand party at one of their hotels. It was his only daughter’s birthday after all. He always made a big deal out of her birthday, but this one was different. This was her first birthday back home. 

Of course for a few hours of the evening she had to act prim and proper, dressed elegantly in a shiny dress to greet her father’s guests. They all wished her for her grand day, expensive gifts lining up that seemed more intended to impress her parents than please her. She forced a smile, something she still couldn’t get used to after spending the last seven years out of the country for her academics. She felt more like a show-piece standing in between her mother and father, smiling and absolutely tired from greeting all the unfamiliar faces that came up to her. 

The Lee family arrived sometime into the party, each member eager to catch a glimpse of Y/N Park, the heiress to all of Park Hyunmin’s wealth. They showered her with the usual lines of compliments, praising her beauty and noting how she had matured into a proper young woman. That she would finally be able to help with the company and showcase her talent. They didn’t even know her well enough to know of her so-called talent. 

She was bored, she was tired.

Until Lee Minho came forward, his father and mother in front of him, the older woman’s arm was linked around her husbands. Y/N’s gaze brightened up, smiling at the familiar face, dressed impeccably well in his black formal wear and not his school uniform. Y/N’s father was surprised to see Minho, unable to recall they even had a third son. Minho greeted the man, telling him he’ll make sure to leave an impression on him so he won’t forget next time. The birthday girl couldn’t help but smile at his remark, which had made both sets of parents break into a light chuckle.

A natural charmer, that one.

She saw the quick glance he gave her while their parents engaged in conversation. She waited for him to come forward, they hadn’t gotten a chance to meet after returning back from school. It had been weeks. Much too long for Y/N, who had gotten into a habit of bothering him for the past four years. But he didn’t come forward. 

She frowned, refusing to give in and be the one to walk up to him. Y/N crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him and not hiding her displeasure. He looked in her direction, watching as she bites the inside of her cheek, her disappointed expression not leaving her face. With a sigh, Minho slid his hands into the pockets of his slacks before finally walking towards her. Y/N couldn’t help but smirk, her head tilting cockily, silently asserting her victory to the one-sided battle she was having. He didn’t really see what was so wrong in coming up to your greet your guests, but it was her birthday party after all, and he didn’t need her complaining. Especially if her complaints reached his parents’ ears, something he didn’t need right now.

Putting on his polite smile, the kind Y/N had learned to recognize after years of observation, Minho greeted her.

   “Happy Birthday, Miss Park.” Minho’s tone dripped of formality. 

The way he addressed her had irked the heiress, as if he was putting a distance between them, emphasizing to any onlookers that they were mere acquaintances.

   “You clean up well.” She responded instead, her arms still crossed, eyes glancing over him.

He cleared his throat, muttering a low “hmm.”

   “How do I look?” Y/N inquired, lifting one side of her dress slightly to show it off.

Minho watched the fabric shimmer under the bright lights before meeting her expectant gaze. Obvious, she wanted a compliment.

   “Like a disco ball.” He coolly stated.

She rolled her eyes, expecting that sort of response from him. Instead she looked around, then stepped in closer. Her actions garner him to instinctively pull his head back stunned, watching her lean closer before glancing side-to-side, she starts speaking in a low tone. 

   “Some of the other kids and I are going clubbing later. They want to give me a big welcome back, join us.” Y/N whispered, smiling and nodding towards a group of young adults in their circle who were mingling at a nearby table.

   “Have fun.” He said instead, making her blink back a little surprised.

Minho back in Australia would have said he’d be there if she pressed. He would have ultimately agreed to go together even.

Minho back in Australia wouldn’t have called her Miss Y/N.

He nodded politely and smiled, glancing briefly at his parents who had already moved on to socialize among the other wealthy guests. With a slight smirk, Minho took a few steps backward, his gaze and smile almost taunting her, before turning and walking away. As if he had won.

He did in fact not show up that night.

Y/N even wore a black dress, slit daringly higher than appropriate, but enough to tell everyone that she was an adult. A grown woman. But he didn’t show, like he had said. 

She was upset.

More angry than upset really, not that she should have been because he had already declined the invite. His words were clear. But imagining his smug expression as he walked away earlier that evening, pissed her off even more.

The other kids kept offering shots. She downed them one after another, pretending to be a seasoned drinker while inwardly cringing at the burning sensation and bitter taste that threatened to overwhelm her, a taste she was not used to. She couldn’t let them see that, her brave face smirking confidently at every other shot and drink coming at her. 

At some point in the night, Y/N found herself on the dance floor with someone’s arm around her waist, though she couldn’t quite distinguish whose it was. The dim lights and the haze of alcohol made faces blur together. It might have been Chunyang or Chaeyoung, she couldn’t remember and didn’t really care. Everyone was starting to look the same to her.

Y/N had never gotten drunk before, she didn’t know what being drunk felt like. But if the inability to stand still and the blurry vision were any indication, she was a little more than drunk. The guy and girl in front started making out on the dance floor, something Y/N almost looked at curiously.

Something she hadn’t gotten a chance of doing yet.

She was drunk, but her brain wracked. The kids here have so much more experience. They’d down alcohol like juice, kiss and dance like experts. The academy back in Australia was much more strict, she guessed.

Suddenly, Chunyang or Chaeyoung screamed something in her ear, which made Y/N flinch. It was something about throwing up, but she couldn’t quite grasp the details. She realized soon after that the group she had arrived with had dispersed throughout the nightclub. The couple that had been dancing and kissing intimately had moved to a different part of the floor, and the girl who had been dancing closely with Y/N had disappeared. 

Squinting through the colored lights and the darkness of the dance floor, Y/N struggled to find any familiar faces. Eventually, she managed to squeeze her way off the dance floor and make her way to the bar. The bartender yelled something over the music, smiling as they handed her another birthday shot of whatever she had been downing all night.

Just as Y/N was about to bring the shot to her lips, another hand intercepted it, and he drank it without a word. Y/N watched his adams apple bob as he swallowed the drink, a silver chain glistened around his neck. Her eyes linger on the cross pendant hanging with a tinge of fascination. He almost slams the shot-glass down, bringing her back to reality.

A reality where he had drunk her birthday shot.

She frowned, her words slurred as she pointed at him.

Something along the lines of “why’d you drink my drink?”

He probably replied with “what are you gonna do about it?”

   “You’ll pay for it.” She replied defiantly, brows furrowed in anger.

Y/N grabbed his collar firmly, pulling him close, their lips meeting in a sudden and unexpected kiss. In the haze of alcohol and emotions, she couldn’t recall the exact details of the kiss. 

Did she perhaps lick his lips in a stupid attempt to reclaim her drink?

The thought made her cringe inwardly for weeks afterwards.

Or maybe it was a subconscious response to witnessing the couple on the dance floor earlier, a display of intimacy that had sparked something in her?

It was her first kiss, and her drunk mind thought kissing a stranger was a good idea!?

Another thought lingered, one that she still thought about from time to time.

Did he kiss her back?

Y/N woke up disoriented in the back of her car, immediately hit by the unpleasant sight and smell of vomit on one side of the seat. It made her gag involuntarily. Hastily fumbling with the door, she stumbled out, clutching her pounding skull in pain. Groaning loudly, she leaned against the car, trying to gather herself. The bright lights of The Rose hotel parking lot only made her headache worse.

Bits and pieces of the previous hours flashed through her mind, but the majority of it was a blur.

She was sure a designated driver service was called, dropping off what’s-her-face as well. But beyond that, the details were fuzzy. The irony of being at one of her family’s hotel did not escape her, but she was too busy staring mortified as she suddenly recalled something.

Embarrassment flooded over her as she tried to piece together the events, particularly the memory of kissing someone. Her fingers instinctively touched her lips, the sensation vivid against her fingertips. She blinked, wondering if she had truly been bold enough to act on impulse like that. Her heart beat rapidly.

A persistent thought in her mind whispered.

Call him.

Y/N didn’t even need to second guess her thoughts, she turned back to open the door, immediately backing away because of the vomit stench. She really had to do something about that. Clasping her nostrils with one hand, the other searched the back seat for her cellphone. Body half in, half out, she managed to fish it out from underneath the seat.

Her eyes hovered at his contact. It was 3:56 AM. She must be crazy. But the badgering thoughts in her mind made her heart beat faster at each passing second.

It rang, and she stood straight, foot tapping anxiously. By the sixth ring she was about to hang up, but the click on the other side made her freeze.

   “Hello?”

His voice sounded groggy, as if he’d just woken him up.

   “If you’re not gonna talk I’ll hang up.”

   “No wait!” She shouted immediately.

   “What do you want?” He muttered.

She bit her lip, nerves and a strange tingle of memory swirling within her.

   “Did you come to the club?” She asked.

There was a pause on the other end, prolonging her anxiety.

   “Do I look like the type of person to go drinking and dancing at a club?” He retorted.

She hated when he counter questioned her as a response, frustration bubbled within her.

   “Hey! Did you show up or not?!” She snapped, her patience wearing thin.

   “I didn’t.” He calmly responded.

Silence fell between them, Y/N sank back against her car, absorbing the revelation.

   “Did I kiss you?” Her voice was barely a whisper, filled with uncertainty.

   “You must’ve had a really wild night to call someone who wasn’t there at four in the morning to ask what happened.” He remarked dryly.

   “Go back to sleep, jackass.” She shot back sharply, ending the call almost immediately.

Minho sat on the edge of his bed, still dressed in outside clothes, the cross necklace dangling around his neck.

He set his phone down on the nightstand and rubbed his face with both hands, letting out a weary sigh. Hearing Y/N’s voice had brought him a sense of relief, despite the chaotic night they both had.

She seemed oblivious to what had transpired, and Minho was grateful for that.

He didn’t want her to remember.

And he would continue to deny it. He didn’t want to get entangled with her, despite his unspoken desires. Minho didn’t want to be in a mess created by her.

But he always ended up in Y/N’s messes.

As he sat there in the dim of his bedroom, thoughts circled back to that fleeting moment under the colorful lights, one that he couldn’t easily shake off. Even if he decided he would deny it ever happening. He brought his fingers to his mouth, the phantom feeling of her warm lips against his left a tingling sensation.

Did she know he kissed her back?

───────────────────────

   “I have absolutely no interest in her or what she thinks. Her desperation keeps me entertained, that’s all. She’s of no importance to me.” Minho’s words were cold.

Y/N stared at him, her hurt clearly visible. She had overheard his cruel words, which he had thought were shared in private, just between him and his mother.

The carelessness of his remark, her sudden appearance, and his fleeting remorse hung in the air.

Minho caught his mother’s glance from the corner of his eye and swiftly masked his regret, but Y/N saw the shift in his expression. His face hardening in the midst of the whirlwind of her emotions.

She looked at the older woman, who offered an awkward smile, clearly trying to pretend they hadn’t just been discussing her.

   “Y/N, dear! What brings you here?” Minho’s mother greeted warmly, her arms outstretched in a practiced show of affection.

Y/N glanced between Minho and the suddenly quiet room, then focused on his mother. 

   “I was in the area and thought I’d share some news before you heard it from someone else.” She avoided Minho’s gaze, offering a polite smile to his mother instead.

   “I’m going to New York for some time.”

Minho’s expression remained unreadable and Y/N didn’t care to decipher it this time.

His mother looked taken aback.

   “Really? Why—I mean, so suddenly?”

Y/N smiled softly and touched the mother’s hand that rested on her shoulder.

   “I just made the decision.” She attempted to keep her smiling composure.

His mother raised a brow.

   “My father and I believe I need more exposure to learn how The Rose Enterprises work. I’m going to be in charge of it one day after all.” Y/N’s forced smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, masking the tears she had been holding back.

The older woman nodded in understanding, but the tension between Y/N and Minho was heavy. She looked back at Minho, who neither smiled nor frowned. His usual stoic demeanor made her roll her eyes, expecting nothing else. The mother turned back to the young lady close to her with a grin.

   “Would you like to join me for lunch? It’s about time everyone steps out for their lunch break.” She glanced at her watch and then back at Y/N.

   “You go ahead. I have a lot of preparations to make.” Y/N said, clearly intending to speak with Minho alone.

His mother nodded and, though she didn’t look back at Minho, she had caught on. She gave a final smile as she left, clearly amused by the situation.

The door closed behind her, and the room fell into a heavy silence. Minho and Y/N stood a few feet apart, but the distance between them felt far greater all of a sudden.

   “I…” Y/N broke the silence, and Minho realized he had been holding his breath.

   “I ran here to ask you something.” She said, meeting his gaze with a mixture of confusion and pain.

The forced smile she had worn earlier was gone, replaced by the hurt she had felt from his harsh words.

   “My dad asked if I wanted to get married and take charge of his grand project, or go to New York and put his dream on hold.”

Minho’s expression hardened. He already knew what she had chosen.

   “I thought, ‘Why marry some other jackass when I already have my eyes set on one?’” Y/N laughed bitterly at her delusions, struggling to hold back her tears.

   “I’m not sure why I came here, really. I thought maybe you’d tell me not to go or you’d find some solution. You’ve always been good at that… But of course, I’ll never hear that from you. I forgot for a moment.” She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, they began to fall freely.

Her words pierced him deeply, yet he struggled to find the right response, staring at her with an intensity he had never shown anyone before.

   “I’m glad you were entertained, Lee Minho. I’m glad that I got to hear what you really thought of me.” Her face contorted.

   “My father was right. You have clear goals, and I’m not one of them.” 

   “Y/N—” Minho began, his voice just a faltering whisper.

   “I knew you didn’t like me clinging to you. I know my behavior makes you uncomfortable sometimes. I’m even aware that I can be overbearing—But I didn’t know you hated me.” She finally broke down in a sob.

Minho felt his face flush with heat and his throat tighten painfully as Y/N’s words cut through him. Before he could gather himself, Y/N continued with words that made him stare in shock.

   “Maybe I should accept what my dad had proposed, maybe I’ll marry that stupid Kim Seungmin.” She declared, her tone resolute.

His figure stiffened at her proclamation, eyes glistening with shock.

   “Or I can just go to New York, away from you. Either way, you can rejoice. You won’t have to worry about how you can avoid me.” She muttered, her mind coming to her own unknown conclusion, expression hardening. 

Y/N took a deep breath, wiping the tears from her chin with the back of her hand.

   “I’ll hate you like you hate me.” She spat bitterly, turning away to leave.

Minho’s hand instinctively reached out to stop her, but he hesitated, paralyzed by his own conflicting emotions. 

Like a coward.

The door closes behind her with a soft click.

Outside, the desks of Minho’s team, now deserted for lunch, mocked Y/N with their vacancy. The absence of witnesses should have been a relief, shielding her from the embarrassment of leaving Minho’s office in tears. Yet, she couldn’t shake the overwhelming sense of being so alone.

Her mind was in a frenzy, her walk to the elevator felt longer than it usually took, the silence of the halls was deafening. 

How could she forget about Lee Minho?

It was a question that gnawed at her, as she struggled to comprehend when and how she had even fallen so deeply for him.

The realization cut deep.

Y/N couldn’t move on. Unable to fathom marrying anyone else while her heart still yearned for him. 

Her eyes welled up again at the thought of Minho hating her. It was obvious yet she had always ignored it. She thought even if he didn’t like her like she did him, he would’ve at least gotten used to her constantly at his side.

So used to her, that he wouldn’t be able to see a life without her in his sights. 

Pathetic.

The elevator’s ding shattered Y/N’s thoughts, abruptly pulling her back to the present moment. She looked up, hastily wiping away the traces of tears from her cheeks, suddenly aware that there might be others sharing the lift with her. But as the doors slid open to reveal an empty interior, a wave of emotion overwhelmed her.

Her lips quivered involuntarily, betraying the facade she struggled to maintain. There was no hiding her heartache now, no reason to pretend she was anything but defeated. With a heavy sigh, Y/N stepped inside the elevator, shoulders slumped with the weight of everything that just happened.

You’ll be happy right, Lee Minho? 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ to be continued.

── ask to be tagged! - @minh0scat, @qwonyoung23

[miyakuli]

Pocket Mirror ~ GoldenerTraum

Mirror, Mirror on the wall

Pocket Mirror is a horrific game in which we follow a young girl with amnesia who is lost in a gloomy, absurd world and tries to escape through a series of puzzles. While the aesthetics and atmosphere of the universe won me over completely, I have more reservations about the writing and the emotions it seeks to convey.

❤ Let's start with the game's biggest strength: the atmosphere is insane (literally). The pixel art is highly detailed, the lighting effects are magnificent, the scenery can go from cute and neat to chaotic and sinister, and the light animations are dynamic and often bloodcurdling effective. I also loved the contrast between the horrific aspect of the scenes and the cute chara-design of the characters, a bit like Puella Magica for those in the know. There are also quite a few visual ideas that play on this contrast of tone to make you feel extremely uncomfortable, without resorting to easy jump scares or excess hemoglobin. ❤ The sound atmosphere is not to be outdone either. The music is memorable, adding a touch of mystery and disquiet to the exploration of the rooms. But the game also relies on scary sound elements (footsteps, evil laughter etc…) as well as moments of oppressive silence, which worked extremely well on me x) ❤ The gameplay is fairly varied overall, with exploration, puzzles, chases (I hated every second of it), mini-games, etc. I never felt redundant during my game.

+/- The game's puzzles take two forms: on the one hand, there's the rpg aspect, with objects to find to interact with elements of the setting; on the other, there are text-based riddles in the style of Sphynx. The difficulty can alternate between easy and a little more intermediate, which provides a bit of a challenge, but I found some of the titles very confusing and their solutions sometimes convoluted. +/- The story is captivating from the start. We face all these horrific events without understanding anything, totally perplexed like our MC who has lost her memory. But this confusion lasts right up to the end, in fact, because the scenario remains far too ambiguous, and even though the game hints at some answers here and there, it ends with a feeling of incompleteness. I did understand the underlying plot, but the way the game skims over the truth left me rather indifferent in the end. +/- The characters are excellent in their creepiness, but we don't get attached to them at all. And yet the game seems to want us to feel something, given certain scenes where the heroine sincerely tries to create a bond with them....but it just doesn't work. First of all, the main girl is just too bland and interacts with everyone in the same way (all sweet and naive) which, in my opinion, doesn't create any real chemistry with the other girls. But on top of that, these ones have very short "arcs" where we're more often dealing with their demonic character than their more human side, and as a result, I find myself rather indifferent to their fate. +/- There's a good amount of replayability given the various endings, but there's no quick skip for the dialogue and some of the cut scenes…and some of the endings are hard to reach without reading a guide, which is a shame.

✖ The game has a lot of game-overs, which isn't a bad thing in itself, but some of them occur after actions based on chance (for example, you take the wrong direction in a corridor and you die, or you make the wrong choice in a dialogue that didn't indicate any fatal fate). It wouldn't have bothered me so much if the save points weren't so far away from these events, as it often means having to take again a long path or even a cut scene that you can't always get past. It got very tiresome at times. ✖ I've got nothing against dubbing in onomatopoeia, but the little laughs and giggles from the damsels are far too frequent and almost annoying. ✖ I find the object interface a bit messy and not quickly accessible.

I was totally drawn into the world of this game, and it succeeds perfectly in its aim of making its audience both nervous and enchanted by this hellish wonderland. But it left me on the side of the road when it came to its story and its characters, who were a little too elusive for my taste.

➡ My Steam page

[aesolerin]

song that reminds me of DD1/2 cast. for some it'd be sarcastic or bitter, for others (read: baldwin) it'd be sincere in how gentle it is.

But, particularly, the last verse, the "I might've been a good man" one - that verse makes me imagine all the shit DD1 Dismas went through in the name of redemption (up to potentially the final battle and maybe even being a sacrifice to Come Unto Your Maker), and how in the end, after all of that, DD2 Dismas is the only one who has a vague recollection of any of it. (not that it turned out we were doing any sort of good in the end, but you get my jist)

now (only slightly related to the above): we both know who our faves are, but I'd love to know all your thoughts/headcanons on our fave Mr. Highwayman yourself, since it seems like you might have some! DD1 or DD2, your choice (if that has an impact).

....but also, if you do have any thoughts on how his dynamics would be with either or both Sarmenti/Baldwin, I would of course not be averse to that either. >>;

the link didn't stick, but we thank lyrics.com bcs i was able to reverse search that one line and you confirmed it was this song:

oh my goodness it has such a sweet bitterness that can perfectly embody what it means to be send unto the breach over and over until you and everyone else around you is dead. lives they could have led, the stories they can tell, the good and bad moments they share. in the Tavern, at camp during an expedition, i can clearly see any and every hero singing along with any and every emotion.

it definitely hits Dismas the hardest. if the well-traveled Sarmenti didn't bring the song to the Hamlet, he's the next likeliest candidate to me. perhaps he's in the Living City of DD2, quietly it singing to himself because nobody else knows it...

i do love Dismas! i especially love the works that contrast him and Reynauld, the penitent thief and the thieving repentant. the Crusader is a good guy, but i don't think he's a nice guy all the time, and in DnD terms i see the Highwayman as the 'face' between them. silver-tongued rogue, ya know?

other miscellaneous Dismas headcanons:

-jokey and witty and such, but still puts up a bit of a wall. old instincts as a former brigand, you don't get close to the new recruits. he softens up a bit as the heroes build camaraderie.

-very protective over his food, but i think this is a pretty common headcanon. if he goes out of his way to share a meal with someone, he is willing to die for them.

-a little bit superstitious. lucky coins and red skies at dawn and such.

-we all know this. man loves poetry. has a secret stash of poems and thankfully Reynauld hasn't found it yet. they're getting really good!

-could give the Antiquarian a run for her money when it comes to counting money. one glance in a pouch and there's a very good chance he can estimate how many coins there are.

-seems to take the eldritch bullshit in stride, but really there are nights where he just. lays face down on his bed. and internally screams about the fuckery of the Farmstead and/or the DD2!Cultists. he's fine after though.

-did in fact try his hand as a candlemaker. loved the work, but the pay wasn't quite enough.

-kinda low alcohol tolerance, but also so on-edge all the time that he feels like he needs to get buzzed to relax.

-loves rats and other vermin creatures. big reason why it bothers him so much in DD2, reliving the times he had to resort to eating rats. how'd you feel eating your cat or dog to survive?

as for his relationship with Sarmenti and Baldwin in particular...

Sarmenti: even with all the verbal jabs and physical semi-violence (headlocks, shoulder punches, etc), Dismas and Sarmenti are best friends. they 'get' each other. with one non-verbal cue they know when to tone it down for the other. partners in (mostly metaphorical) crime, in good times and bad.

Baldwin: Dismas really looks up to him and sees him as one of the very few genuinely good people in the world. trying so hard not to say 'daddy issues'. (which is very funny because i headcannon that Baldwin is actually the youngest of the DD men. man just has that regal bearing.) they'll occasionally read together, and he's the only one Dismas shares his poems with!

thank you for sharing the song and your thoughts! i hope these were enough thoughts for you! sorry it got so long!

[melsdreamweaving]

Seasons Will Change

At the age of 21, my life took an unexpected and challenging turn. Growing up in a family struggling with financial constraints, I was intimately familiar with the concept of sacrifice. My childhood was marked by the family's financial woes, particularly after my elder brother strained our finances by failing to repay debts for major purchases. My family dynamics were unique, with a nine-year age gap between my brother and me, shaping our distinct life paths. I was groomed to pursue a career in medicine, while my brother was encouraged to follow in our grandfather's footsteps in the Airforce.

Our household often felt like a sanctuary of exhausted adults. My mother and uncle, consumed by their work, had little time or energy for interaction, leaving me to entertain myself in quiet solitude. This pattern extended to my brother when he started college, reinforcing a household norm of silent coexistence. These experiences instilled in me a determination to achieve financial and emotional stability before considering parenthood.

My mother's eyes were usually very tired. Sometimes I felt like a poorly rendered child NPC in her eyes. Despite the weariness that often clouded my mother's eyes, there were moments when a livelier version of her emerged, particularly in the company of friends. This contrast in her demeanor influenced my belief in the value of chosen families over biological ties, a perspective further reinforced by my brother's supportive network of friends.

As I grew older, the familial responsibilities intensified, especially when our family matriarch fell ill. My mother and uncle, grappling with their own challenges, were unable to provide the needed support, leaving me to shoulder the burden. During this period, I resorted to various means, including nude modeling and taking on less desirable jobs, to financially support my family. This journey was not without its personal sacrifices, as I navigated the complexities of young adulthood and relationships, including a tumultuous period with my then-boyfriend, who later became my husband.

Through sheer determination and hard work, I managed to keep afloat, balancing multiple jobs and educational commitments. However, the emotional toll of caregiving and dealing with judgment from those around me was immense.

"Oh you seem to happy"

"Oh you need to smile more..."

"Oh everyone has problems."

"Why do you look like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?"

Well, that's what she wanted me to do. Carry everything... And yeah I didn't do it perfectly. From her hospital bed, she realized it was too much for one person. So I let her and my uncle handle the finances while I paid rent for the last few years. This worked out in our favor and my mom was in and out of the house dealing with her psychotic episodes. In most Latino cultures things like vulnerability is swept under the rug. We are told to never feel our emotions. To grin and bear it because everyone else is watching and what will they all think if they saw? Well... what does that even matter now? I've met some amazing people that just do them. They do art and inspire people while not being hateful or spiteful. We all came from the same area, and each one of us inspires the other to keep going. You better hustle that art... we used to say. This was before things became much more complex. Some of them turned out alright, others do things that fill our teachers with shame. Before I moved, one of my teachers called me back. Saying to please visit, I want to see at least one of you...

Time is funny like that. I still create, but it feels like a ripple in an unforgiving ocean of creation and competition. I've known graphic artists who really just looked online and stole from other creators... And I've known brilliant creators who recluse because their hearts wanted the shallow bimbo with no real depth. Just a poisoned heart that she wanted to infect myself and others with. I think that's where the term poisonous maiden came from when I started school a long time ago. Sometimes I wish the venom some of my older sisters infected me with would dissolve and it does, with meditation thank goodness. It was like being taught o be cruel against your will as a survival mechanism.

"Be careful, the traffickers will get you..."

The once far away warning became so real in recent years. When I remember the people I've worked with and warped things they started doing to survive in a relentless current that never really lets up. Mothers hurting innocent young women because they see the face of their own daughters in mine. Little did they now, I used to cook for my hungover mom. Trying to remind her that she was divine, and to not let the poison of the world infect her. But it seems like one of my sisters was right...

Sometimes love is not enough...

So here I am, starting somewhere new. Away from the cold judgmental faces of my fellow Miami residents... And I'm happier than I've ever been. My husband confessed last year and we decided to elope and run away from everything.

"You were always mine..." He says often.

It's true, I always looked for his face and personality in other people because if it weren't for him... One of our terrible classmates would have hurt me out of a misguided sense of self entitlement because he smelled blood in the water around me. My advice, be mindful of yourself. There is a whole big world out there. I was right to quit school and start college early, but I should have been mindful of the older students and things they said around me...

They are still covering their tracks, and that is sad that they feel like covering their toxicity by hurting others. but C'est la vie...

My story is one of resilience and perseverance, a testament to the strength required to navigate life's unexpected challenges.

[nitsaholidays]

Discover Malaysia with Nitsa Holidays: A Gem in Southeast Asia

Malaysia, a blend of the modern world and a developing nation, holds a unique tag as a dynamic country rich in contrasts. It promises a plethora of experiences, from bustling urban jungles like Kuala Lumpur to pristine beaches of Langkawi. Dive deep into an ocean of diversity as Nitsa Holidays walks you through the enchanting land of Malaysia.

Why Tour Malaysia with Nitsa Holidays?

At Nitsa Holidays, we believe in providing a holistic travel experience. We intricately design our packages to ensure they cater to your tastes, balancing relaxation with adventure, tradition with modernity.

Here’s a quick overview of our Malaysia Tour Packages:

Package Name

Duration

Highlights

Price (Starting From)

Malaysia Essentials

5D/4N

Kuala Lumpur, Batu Caves, Penang

$599

Beach Lover's Dream

7D/6N

Langkawi beach resorts, Water sports, Island hopping

$799

Nature Enthusiast

6D/5N

Taman Negara National Park, Jungle Trekking, Canopy walk

$699

Heritage Trails

8D/7N

Malacca’s history, Penang's UNESCO sites, Ipoh’s heritage

$849

What Our Customers Say

To provide a clearer insight, here are some reviews from our valued customers who embarked on a journey to Malaysia with us:

Customer Name

Package Chosen

Review

Emily R.

Malaysia Essentials

"A fantastic trip! The visit to Batu Caves was an eye-opener. Nitsa's team was supportive throughout."

Jordan T.

Beach Lover's Dream

"Langkawi is a paradise! Loved the resorts and water sports. Thanks, Nitsa Holidays, for this unforgettable trip."

Aiden L.

Nature Enthusiast

"Taman Negara's jungle trek was the highlight. Well-organized and guided by the Nitsa team."

Grace H.

Heritage Trails

"A deep dive into Malaysia's rich history. Malacca and Penang were breathtaking. Kudos to Nitsa!"

A Journey Worth Every Penny

With Nitsa Holidays, you aren’t just signing up for a trip; you’re investing in memories, stories, and experiences. Whether you’re a solo traveller seeking solace, a couple on a honeymoon trip, or a family wanting quality time, Malaysia offers something for everyone. And with us by your side, your journey is sure to be smooth, safe, and spectacular.

For detailed itineraries and further inquiries, get in touch with us today! Your Malaysian adventure awaits...

[tempenensis]

Fushiguro Megumi: the protector

One of the things that makes jjk very interesting is how Gege writes the characters in a way that freed them from a number of stereotypes usually found in shonen manga in relation to how their appearance are. And that makes the character in this manga feels more layered. One of the example is our deuteragonist himself, Fushiguro Megumi. 

Fushiguro is one of characters that make you thought of certain stereotype - but as the story progresses and his character is explored more, he is actually different from the stereotype of dark brooding rival of the protagonist his appearance is based of.

On his first appearance, Fushiguro is shown to be someone serious, seemingly a stickler for rules and formality, as he speaks in honorifics to Gojo in the phone -- even if it’s him saying that he will punch Gojo. When he speaks to Gojo, there’s a strange mix of formality and familiarity, which is a given considering their long history.

He even cites the law of jujutsu for the reasoning of Itadori’s execution right after Sukuna incarnates even though Itadori eats the finger because he is also trying to save Fushiguro. However once Gojo appears and asks what he should do to Itadori, his answer is right on the opposite direction. 

And from this point on, we know that he is never ‘just a simple rival’.

1. Not even a rival

Itadori and Fushiguro’s dynamic is one of the focal point that drives the story of jjk, among others.  

but who’s to say that someone you save won’t kill anyone in the future? 

Fushiguro and Itadori share the same fixation on saving people. While Itadori wants to give “proper death”, or save as many people as he can from curses, Fushiguro rather listens to his own conscience, where he want to give good people what they deserve. And this believe of his rooted from the ‘undeserving’ situation he feels is granted to his sister in this life. This different ideals made the two of them clash during Cursed womb arc, but they settles their difference pretty quickly out of respect for each other, and this connects the two of them closer than them to other characters.

For Fushiguro, Itadori has become someone as important as Tsumiki despite only knowing him for a short time - and likewise, Itadori also thought Fushiguro as important. Fushiguro, in addition, also feels that he bears the responsibility of keeping Itadori alive and shoulders the consequence of every action Itadori and Sukuna does, since Itadori consumed Sukuna to help him in the first place. That is the reason his first fight with Sukuna happens after all; him staying behind out of feeling responsible.

And this responsibility develop into the necessity to protect Itadori, both from  literal harm (the Kyoto students trying to assassinate him) and from metaphorical one. Likewise, Itadori not telling Fushiguro what Sukuna told him is also to protect Fushiguro from the guilt that will consequently arise. 

While there is a bit of rivalry, it doesn’t become something that the two of them fixated on. It does feed on their growth, but this rivalry mostly takes a backseat - it will, when he lives in a world where everything, even the authority, is trying to kill his closest friend and someone he is trying hard to protect.  

2. To die or not to die

Fushiguro’s nature as a protector is rooted in his personality. Because of his upbringing and precociousness, he has his own view of what he think to be ‘good’ and ‘bad' that is very personal to him.

Fushiguro has certain degree ‘sense of justice’ based on his notion. During this flashback, he picks fight with the delinquents not because they attacks him personally and not because anyone asks him for help, but just because he thought that they are wrong in bullying their classmates. 

At first he is not inclined to be a jujutsushi because saving people doesn’t fit into that notion of his. The work of a jujutsushi is in its heart is to save people and it’s tailored for not only the one who has the ability, but also the compassion to do it. Something that is unthinkable for junior high Fushiguro.

It’s Tsumiki’s curse that change Fushiguro. He is started to driven to save people like Tsumiki. And also, if there is someone that can solve the case of Tsumiki’s curse, it will be a jujutsushi.  

He feels that a lot of people he thought to be ‘good’ given unfairness in life. Like his sister who was cursed and fallen into coma, and Itadori who ate Sukuna then received death penalty.

I will save people unequally!

His personal sense of justice drives Megumi to help and save them in his own brand of heroism stemmed from his ego of choosing who’ll he save and who won’t. ‘Good people’ affects Fushiguro deeply that out of respect for Itadori who had died, he does something that usually he doesn’t do. 

While he sees both his sister and Itadori to be the same good kind, he judges himself to be different from them and he doesn’t care if he is ‘not right’. He doesn’t feel that he deserves the salvation as deserved by ‘good people’ and this reflects mainly in his... um... suicidal, sacrificial tendency. 

Every single time he is cornered in battle, he used to resort to summoning Makora - which essentially means he will die. He doesn’t think that his death is matter at all for anyone else as long as his purpose in winning the fight is fulfilled - which actually not necessarily true. 

It’s a good thing that after his training with Gojo, Megumi starts to realize the importance of him not resorting to ‘winning by dying’. This point in Shibuya actually marks a significant development of his character - even if he still summon Makora after.

3. Blood does not necessarily run thicker  

One of the most surprising aspect of Fushiguro is how he readily discarded the identity that comes with his bloodline. A contrast from Kamo and a point that makes their clash during Goodwill event arc very interesting. For Kamo whose mother left him so she doesn’t get in his way to be the family heir, the way Fushiguro easily deny his bloodline of course offends him highly -- it’s almost like Fushiguro does not care about his mother’s sacrifice. 

Well, it is understandable that he deny his bloodline. Regardless that the tradition of the Three Great Families just reek of shit, Fushiguro never experiences normal blood-related family bond since he was born. Everyone who should be his family based on blood never give him the bond other people experience. His biological mother had died, his father left him (and died unknowingly), Tsumiki’s mother also left the siblings. The one who took care of him was Tsumiki and Gojo to an extent, both of whom has no blood relation to him. Gojo even bought him from the Zen’in. And the Zen’in who is supposed to be his blood-related family trade him off easily with money, so it is understandable if he does not feel a strong bond with his own bloodline. 

This is ironically (but in a positive way) very contrast with Fushiguro’s   technique; Ten shadows jutsu. One of Zen’in’s most prized inherited technique is manifested by Fushiguro who deny his blood and passed down by his father who the family refused to acknowledge as one of their own. The technique that also made Fushiguro coveted by the head family that they readily forked over 10 million for him. It’s a very ridiculous situation.    

4. Next ‘strongest sorcerer’

The growth of a jujutsushi is never easy. 

Fushiguro’s growth as a jujutsushi is a difficult matter, way more than Yuuji. Compared to Fushiguro who is already familiar with jujutsu from a very young age, Yuuji is like a child whose growth is still in exponential phase. Since his main weapon is his cursed technique, Fushiguro’s growth as the more settled jujutsushi in this case should mainly come from inside himself. But it’s been a rocky way for him.   

First, his mindset is working against his growth -- because he has Makora to rely on, he tends to summon it readily than try to explore his technique more. Then as fundamentally Fushiguro is someone compassionate, he puts cooperating and matching his level to people around him first -- which actually hindered his growth of ability, because his nature as jujutsushi is on the opposite side.  

As a jujutsushi, Fushiguro’s nature is the same as Gojo and Sukuna; a lone wolf who is the strongest on combat when he is alone. Gojo even implied once that Megumi’s cursed technique has the potential to be on par -- even beat his.

With not one, but two strongest jujutsu users invested in Fushiguro’s growth, I think it’s not an overstatement to say that he will be an incredible jujutsushi in the future -- if his growth does not fail him. And going by the current story development, it is more required out of Megumi to be stronger than ever, both as the person that he is and as jujutsushi.     

5. The future is as uncertain as ever

Now that Gojo is gone, the burden Megumi shoulders will be exponentially rising. More than to stabilize Tokyo back, it is the responsibility that he always feel over of keeping Yuuji as Sukuna’s vessel alive that probably will demand a lot out of Megumi. In addition to losing Gojo and the waking of Tsumiki as one of the Brain’s victims, Megumi needs all the strength he can muster, literally and figuratively, to be able to survive the coming of near future -- even though ironically he is one that is readily dying anytime. 

[sunder-the-gold]

Professor Port, for the Character Opinion Bingo.

I loaded two different Bingo Charts into an image editor and then quit because neither of them felt like appropriate ways to represent my thoughts about Professor Peter Port.

I don't want to talk about Wasted Potential, because there isn't anyone who feels like the original three volumes had enough time to both introduce us to all of the characters, properly develop those characters, properly introduce us to the world, and also breathe enough to let us enjoy these things.

A World of Remnant episode was eventually able to "officially" reveal that Peter resorts to fake recreations of Grimm he's killed because they don't leave corpses that he can taxidermy into trophies. Given that Grimm have never left corpses, this is a little odd, and one might take it to suggest that Peter belongs to a family of Big Game Hunters who love to test themselves against Remnant's natural beasts as well.

As yet there's been nothing in the show to represent the actors talking in the DVD commentary about how, when Port stands on Beacon's rooftops and stares out into the wilderness, he's thinking about future hunts. But I appreciate the fact that the cast includes a Huntsman who is so obsessed with the actual HUNTING part of being a Huntsman.

I love how Peter's interaction with Weiss and opinions on Ozpin contrasted with Ozpin's interaction with Ruby and his opinions about himself. I also like his intergenerational dynamic with Oobleck and Taiyang, and how he tries to help Yang by admitting his own vulnerability. And how Oobleck is able to needle him about his phobia of mice, because they're friends.

I think my most controversial opinion about Peter Port is assuming that he only flirted with Yang (or the female students in his class, it's not clear) as a joke. Literally the only thing he did was say "Huntresses" with a sultry tone and a suggestive expression, and then he moves right along to the rest of his lecture. It was just one part of an already hammy performance about how great and manly he presents himself to be.

He has the strength and experience to back up his braggadocio, being an old man in a profession where most die young. And as I already alluded, he's perfectly capable of admitting weakness and letting his friends take the piss out of him.

He falls flat on his back in the middle of retelling a story about his days as a clueless Teacher's Assistant, and when everyone is laughing at him, he also laughs at himself. So he's not bragging out of arrogance, but simple Love Of Life.

He LOVES himself and what he does for a living, so he also loves talking about it. It's really not any different from Oobleck's attitude, except that Oobleck isn't so much a deliberate performer as he is a nerd who gets carried away in front of other people without realizing (or caring) how he looks. It's easy to see why the two men are friends.

For now, my final thought will be how I don't like Peter's weapon. It's fine for a minor character who's almost as much an embodied gag as a three-dimensional person with a relevant impact on the narrative. It's fine for something that doesn't get a lot of screentime. It's cute that CRWBY joked about how impractically dangerous the placement of the blades are in Amity Arena. It's certainly instantly recognizable and iconic as a weapon for the character inspired by the protagonist of Peter and the Wolf.

But the BLADES are still being PRESSED into his GODDAMNED ARMPIT AND STOMACH, and JAMMED in with the recoil of every shot! I'm really not willing to Suspend Disbelief on that point.

=================================

back to my RWBY character index

[sokkastyles]

Azula and the Mirror

In film, mirrors are used for moments of reflection, obviously, both the physical and emotional kind, but they are also used for moments of deceit, deception, dejection, juxtaposition, contrast and comparison, distortion, delusion, breaking down and breaking through. A persona is never more vulnerable, nor stronger, than when it is staring at itself, and the visual power of these moments have been used in cinematic narratives beginning at the dawn of the medium and continuing to the present day. (source)

It might seem obvious, but mirrors used in film and television have a wealth of meaning, and present a visually striking way to get that meaning across. Mirrors show us who we really are, but they also show us what we want to see. Therefore a mirror can be a symbol of both truth and lies.

This scene in “Sozin’s Comet” is one of the most memorable Azula scenes because of the use of the visual imagery to tell us the story of who Azula is, and it’s one of the most clear pictures we get of her in the entire series. Perhaps Azula is also seeing herself for the first time, but it’s also a moment when she’s at her most self-deluded. Confronted with both the reality of herself and the lie that she desperately clings to.

I think that, more than anything, Azula craves authenticity. Her brother Zuko does, too, and I’ll make a separate post as a follow up to this one because I want to avoid going off on a tangent. I’ll keep this post focused on Azula, although since Azula is an essential part of Zuko’s narrative, it’s hard to talk about them entirely separately. So I am going to cheat a little bit here and talk about what Zuko says about Azula, since it’s one of our biggest introductions to her before we actually meet her.

Zuko (to Aang): There's always something. Not that you would understand. You're like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She's a firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born.

Zuko puts Azula up on a pedestal here, although it’s one that also comes with a lot of resentment. Zuko defines Azula as everything that he is not, successful where he is not, and adored where he is not. The latter is particularly interesting because although we do get a sense that Azula is “adored,” it is most likely in a shallow way. I think Azula would absolutely be the popular girl in school but she wouldn’t have very many real friends. What she would have is power and status, like many bullies do, and that might be enough to gain her a following, as it does in canon, but it’s clear that this is not enough, and I think that she’s beginning to realize it.

Azula believes in the image of herself as the perfect princess, and several other people in her life reinforce this. Ozai, Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee, Li and Lo. By the end she loses them all, though, and is left with the one person who did see her for who she was. Ironically, this is the one person she does not want to see, because this is the reflection of herself that she does not want to see.

There are several different parts of Azula at play here. The image she presents to others, the image she wishes she could present, and the image of herself that she denies.

The image she presents to others is the one Zuko talks about in “The Siege of the North.” The powerful princess who can’t even have just one hair out of place.

The person Azula wishes she coulbe, the part of herself that craves authenticity but doesn’t know how to get it, is on full display in “The Beach.”

Azula demanding to be invited to a party that Ty Lee and Mai get asked to tells us a lot about how Azula sees her friendship with the latter two. It shows Azula’s jealousy of their social skills but also her need for control in her relationships. Even before the rift between the three really starts, we get a sense that Ty Lee and Mai aren’t as fully in Azula’s corner as she thinks they are. Azula thinks that fear and control are enough to gain her friends and allies. Deep down, she knows that this is not true, however she does not know another way to be. But the party provides an opportunity to try and embrace this authentic self that she craves.

Zuko: Why didn't you tell those guys who we were?

Azula: I guess I was intrigued. I'm so used to people worshiping us.

Ty Lee: They should.

Azula: Yes, I know, and I love it. But, for once, I just wanted to see how people would treat us if they didn't know who we were.

Zuko’s question to Azula is really interesting, too, and I’ll talk about that and Zuko’s perspective in another post, because I want to keep the focus on Azula here. Azula masks her desire for authenticity in haughtiness, saying that she’s “used to” being worshipped and reinforcing Ty Lee’s comment that they should worship her them, and that she loves it, but it’s clear that what she really wants is to be liked for who she is, or rather, who she might be if she were not Ozai’s daughter, princess of the Fire Nation.

This is also shown in Azula’s jealousy of Ty Lee during the party.

Ty Lee: What? You're jealous of me? But you're the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world.

Azula: Well, you're right about all those things. But, for some reason, when I meet boys, they act as if I'm going to do something horrible to them.

I’ve seen a lot of discussion of this conversation in the context of Azula’s relationship with Ty Lee, and a lot of people cite this as a sympathetic moment for Azula or an indication that she really does care for Ty Lee, although I tend to be less charitable in that regard, since Azula just told Ty Lee that boys only liked her because she was “easy” and made her cry. For me, this scene really highlights the toxic nature of the relationship between Azula and Ty Lee, where Azula boosts her self esteem by bringing Ty Lee down. Azula does admit her jealousy of Ty Lee, and some people read this as Azula comforting Ty Lee, but 1) Azula is the one who made Ty Lee cry in the first place, and 2) Ty Lee is then put in the position of comforting Azula and assuaging Azula’s jealousy, even though Azula is the one who made Ty Lee cry. This is reminiscent of a lot of abusive relationships in which the abuser will harm their victim and then twist the narrative so that the victim has to be responsible for comforting the abuser. Ty Lee knows what is expected of her in this dynamic, and responds by reaffirming Azula’s need to be seen as perfect, Azula agrees, and all is restored in the world again.

Except Azula still craves that authenticity. When she tries it, though, she gets Ty Lee’s advice hilariously wrong, and resorts back to what she knows. Conqueror Azula. Princess of the Fire Nation. Perfect weapon.

There are a lot of moments that people point to in “The Beach” when they analyze Azula, but here’s the moment which I think is really Azula at her most authentic.

Azula: Well, those were wonderful performances, everyone.

Zuko: I guess you wouldn't understand, would you, Azula? Because you're just so perfect.

Azula: Well, yes, I guess you're right. I don't have sob stories like all of you. I could sit here and complain how our mom liked Zuko more than me, but I don't really care. My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt.

I’m going to take a slightly different approach than what I usually see when people talk about this scene because I do think this is when we are finally seeing a glimpse of Azula’s authentic self, but not in the way a lot of people who discuss her think.

I’ve talked about how Azula presents a mask to others. Here, she calls Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee’s emotional confessions about their deepest trauma “performances.” She uses Zuko’s confession to reinforce her place as the golden sibling, calling him “pathetic.” Zuko expresses resentment and anger at “perfect” Azula. And then Azula reveals a sob story of her own.

Azula in this scene shows deep-seated anger towards her mother, which she tries to play off flippantly, but her words reveal how deep this trauma actually is. She says her own mother thought she was a monster. Do I think that this is a reflection of what Ursa thought about Azula? Absolutely not, and I think what has to be remembered about this scene is that it comes from Azula herself. This scene, plus the mirror scene in “Sozin’s Comet” involving Azula and her mother, both originate from Azula’s thoughts and feelings about her mother. We will never know what Ursa herself really, truly thought about Azula, because all we get from her is either from Zuko or Azula’s perspective. These statements and thoughts and visions from Azula are meant to tell us about Azula, not Ursa. This is not, as the “Ursa is a bad mother” crowd insists, proof that Ursa hated Azula. This is what Azula thinks about herself.

We know that Ursa did scold Azula and try to steer her on a correct path, but that’s because Azula was acting in increasingly worrying ways in the flashbacks. The young Azula we see in “Zuko Alone” had already begun to build her Perfect Princess image, modelled after what Ozai expected her to be, and what Ozai expected her to be was both infallible and monstrous.

And a part of Azula knows that what Ozai expected of her was monstrous. But since she had no choice but to internalize it, she could not reconcile that part of herself with the part of herself that was taught right and wrong by her mother. That part of herself she locked away tightly. But comes out here, because Azula in “the Beach” is trying to achieve an authentic self, which is, in fact, what Lo and Li say at the beginning of the episode that the beach is supposed to do, and Ty Lee bookends that sentiment. Just like in the previous scenes, though, Azula still can’t quite get there. Her feelings about her mother are still couched in condescending language, she belittles the others, and she dismisses her mother in the same paragraph. She embraces the monster because that is who she was taught to be, and monsters cannot be hurt.

And that, that’s it. Azula can’t admit that she was hurt by her mother’s absence. I’ve said before that Azula translated her mother’s abandonment as “she loves Zuko more than me” because Ursa left for Azula and in the world where Azula is perfect and Zuko is nothing, that does not compute. This creates some huge cognitive dissonance which cannot be reconciled.

Azula’s confession here about her mother also is a way for her to reinforce to the group that she’s still the most powerful. She casually dismisses Mai, Zuko, and Ty Lee when they talk about their trauma so that she can talk about herself, in language that blames her mother for the person she is. It’s not that Azula is at fault, it’s not that Azula cannot reconcile her fractured sense of self, it’s that everyone else is pathetic and Ursa is a bad mother who made her feel this way, although really, she was right, so what does it matter?

One of the main reasons that most Azula redemption speculation falls flat is that they don’t acknowledge that in order for Azula to get redemption, she has to take responsibility for the ways in which she has hurt others. This would also be incredibly difficult for her, and in some ways that isn’t her fault, because she was very much a victim of Ozai’s abuse, and one way that she was a victim is because by instilling the need that she had to be perfect, Ozai made it nearly impossible for Azula to acknowledge when she was wrong. She gets perilously close here, but then retreats into blaming her mother, her brother, her friends, and anyone else, then denies that she even wants to change, which is the other thing she has to accept in order to get redemption.

Fast forward to Azula confronting her mother’s image in the mirror, which of course is really herself. This is why I hate where the comics took this particular subplot, because I do not think we were meant to interpret it as Azula actually hallucinating. What Azula is seeing in the mirror is really herself, the part of herself that understands right from wrong, but is too afraid to admit that she’s done so many things wrong. That little girl who can’t even properly mourn the loss of her own mother because she was never allowed to, because her father never let her. Right before Ursa appears, Azula attacks her own image in the mirror, viciously cutting her hair, a symbol of “perfect” Azula and an obvious symbol of Azula’s self-hatred. Just as before, though, she can’t really direct this anger and blame and pain at herself, so she conjurs up the image of her mother, who tells her all the truths she wants to deny about herself, that her mother always loved her, that she has embraced fear and control and that this has left her lonely in the end. This is the closest that Azula has ever come to realizing her authentic self, the little girl who misses her mother. But she rejects it again.

So mirrors represent self-reflection, right? The fractured mirror, then, is a clear symbol for the fractured self. These are all the sides of Azula that she cannot reconcile as one. Whereas Zuko’s narrative deals with the restructuring of the fractured self, Azula’s narrative deals with what happens when the fractured self never becomes whole.

[thevagueambition]

“To become socially fluent, learners have to understand and internalize Danish cultural scripts for “social cognition”. This includes an understanding of the social cognition component in hygge which I have replicated here:

[F]

The social cognition component of hygge     people here are like part of one thing now     people here want all people here to feel something good now     bad things can not happen to people here now

In many accounts of Danish sociality, there is an apparent inconsistency, which I will tentatively refer to as “The Exclusion-Inclusion Paradox”. While crossers of cultural borders generally agree that Danish sociality is “groupy”, some commentators view this groupiness as very inclusive, others as very exclusive. The Chilean language migrant and social commentator Paula Larrain says:

I don’t like the groupy society…Danes can’t help grouping themselves – ‘those of us who are living around this street corner’, we belong together– ‘Those of us who are in a mothers’ group’, it’s all about groups. If we are in one school class, then the parallel class is something completely different. It’s always about being in groups and finding your identity through them. (Larrain, in Quraishy 2003: 35-36, own translation)

Larrain critically assesses “groupiness” as a phenomenon of “exclusion”, asserting that Danes are “extremely closed towards each other” (Larrain, in Quraishy 2003: 56). Hansen, by contrast, talks about “the inclusion principle” as a characteristic of Danish culture. She says: “The Danish concern for harmony and amicability is reflected in a pervading emphasis on the embracing integrity of the social milieu. On many levels, in many different contexts, Danes seek to include all individuals present in an overriding sense of relatedness” (Hansen 1980: 140). How are we to make sense of these contradictary accounts? Can hygge help us understand the ‘Exclusion-Inclusion Paradox’? Based on evidence from hygge, I propose the cultural script [G].

[G]

A Danish cultural script for, roughly, valuing a “strong group identity” many people think like this:     when someone is at many times with some other people in a place,     it is good if this someone can think like this:            “people here are like part of one thing”

The cultural script [G] models a characteristically Danish way of thinking about “people in places” which encourages a person to value a groupy structure of social life. The premise for such thinking is: ‘when someone is at many times with some other people in a place’ i.e. the social spheres that a person is a part of on an everyday basis: a school class, a work team, one’s family, different groups of friends, etc. This refers to the various socialities which a person is a part of and emphasizes the importance of recognizing the mutual relatedness of people in these social units. The script is consistent with the observation that Danes tend to not mix groups of friends unnecessarily when they invite people to their homes (Hansen 1980). They prefer to maintain the groups, because each has its own social dynamics. In other words, work colleagues are work colleagues, neighbours are neighbours, family is family. If mixed, the benefits of the groupy social dynamics can easily be lost, and hygge would be harder to achieve.

With such “groupy togetherness” comes a special responsibility for being constructive and inclusive within the different groups. This means a suppression of hostility, competition and aggression and a focus on “mutual enjoyment and relatedness” within the group (Hansen 1980: 151).

[H]

A Danish cultural script for, roughly, “an inclusive concern for the well-being of people in the group”

many people think like this:        when someone is at many times with some other people in a place,        it is good if this someone can think like this:              “I want all these people here to feel something good”

Script [H] sheds further light on “The Exclusion-Inclusion Paradox”. The inclusive element ‘I want all these people here to feel something good’ is an attitude towards ‘all these people here’, that is, those people with whom one regularly shares social spheres. Crucially, the script does not say anything about attitudes towards people in general. The script is phrased positively ‘it is good if…’, reflecting the Danish insider-perspective. Outsiders who are not familiar with this particular way of organizing the social spheres, and who do not appreciate this form of groupy inclusivity, might easily resort to words like “excluding”. However, the relevant point is that if a group gets too big and includes everyone, it would be hard to create the intimate social framework which is needed for achieving hygge. To stay with Larrain’s example, “the parallel school class” with which one does not mix, are not at all regarded as bad people – they are just a different species. They are believed to create their own groupy structures, and create their own foundations for hygge.”

- Cultural Semantics and Social Cognition: A Case Study on the Danish Universe of Meaning, Carsten Levisen

The fascinating thing about reading studies of your own language and culture is how it reveals to you just how many things you take for granted, that seem like common sense to you, are in fact culturally created and linguistically reinforced.

[potatotrash0]

I’ll literally never ever stop thinking about Celeste and Kokichi...they’re just. So interesting and I’m a sucker for complex characters that make me think and allow me the space to speculate and theorize the crap outta them....my little analysis? will stay under the cut because this got way longer than I originally planned.

I just find it so fascinating how Kokichi doesn’t bother with niceties like a lot of the other characters do. He frequently points out things that the other characters either don’t notice or don’t acknowledge, like the fact that Monokuma wants them to work together in order to break them apart and create rifts in the group. Similarly in THH, Celeste brings up several uncomfortable topics, one of the most notable ones for me being the idea of adaptability and survivability being closely interlocked, that those who can’t adapt are bound to wind up dead.

Their statements are cold and unnerving to think about, but I also can’t help thinking about how they’re...not actually wrong? Both ideas are unpleasant for everyone else in the group, but at least how I see it, going about things normally and trusting people you don’t even know isn’t smart, regardless of how optimistic you want to be.

Something I also want to note is that a fundamental part of both their characters is that they’re liars, but how they lie and the reasons why they lie in the first place are just so vastly different from each other.

Kokichi is someone who’s tendency for lying seems to stem from 1.) a lack of trust and 2.) a fear of vulnerability. He exaggerates and fakes his reactions to things frequently and says afterwards that all of it was a lie, but also mentions odd things like “just hit the reset button on your feelings,” which suggests he doesn’t really give himself much time to process how he truly feels. There’s also the fact that he writes, “油断ならない?” under Saihara’s picture on the whiteboard in his room. I believe, and I say this tentatively since I don’t know Japanese and I’m working off translators and kanji websites, that phrase roughly translates to “yudan naranai.” “Yudan” seems to mean “carelessness, recklessness.” “Naranai” seems to mean “do not become.” I’m guessing that Kokichi is making a note to be cautious around Saihara, or to not get careless around him, though why exactly Kokichi feels the need to make that sort of note, I’m not sure. From the English translation of “trustworthy,” I assumed that he trusted Saihara, but I’m wondering now if it would be more accurate to say that he simply acknowledges the detective as a notable figure in the trials or something along those lines. I think he was already formulating his plan with Kaito at this point, so perhaps he was noting that Saihara might’ve been able to find out about it if he wasn’t careful with his words, though I haven’t actually finished V3 so I’m not sure if my assumption lines up with canon. (I’m noticing now that @/oumakokichi said that yudan naranai as a phrase means “tricky,” not “be careful.” I don’t know if it’s like. A Japanese turn of phrase that I just don’t know about or if I translated it wrong skjfkdjf)

Kokichi’s lies are also very...wild. Like his rather chaotic and loud personality, he tends to lie like second nature. I believe in Salmon Mode, if you agree with the idea of Kokichi stopping his lies, he says that it’s arrogant to expect someone to change such a vital part of themselves just for the sake of other people’s approval. The best descriptor I can come up with for his brand of lying is that...it’s like a minefield with both real and fake mines. It’s hard to differentiate what’s what, and while you can take a guess, there’s always a chance that your assumption will backfire and blow up in your face unless you pay extremely close attention.

Celeste, on the other hand, seems to lie more out of insecurity than a lack of trust. She hates the idea of being ordinary, calling her real name a loser’s name, and is shown to be willing to go to extremes to achieve the lavish life she desires. Even beyond the whole murder plan, gambling in Japan is illegal, so she’s breaking the law as well as resorting to risking her own life in gambling matches in order to get the money she needs for her castle. She’s also a lot more particular in how she lies. She seems to have an elaborate backstory all planned out, from her being descended from French and German ancestors to her likely fake gambling matches inspired by various gambling manga. She sticks to it well, firmly restating details like her name being Celestia Ludenberg, even when it’s clear that some people don’t buy it. Juxtaposed to Kokichi’s minefields, Celeste’s lies strike me as more like a carefully woven web of half-truths. Not quite lies, but definitely not the whole story either.

I also find it interesting how their motivations and actions in their respective killing games differ. Kokichi is shown to actively despise the work of Team Danganronpa, calling them sick for enjoying toying with people’s lives. In the Japanese version, I believe he says something along the lines of, “A game where people lose their lives...how could that ever be fun?” He also mentions to Saihara that a game can be won by simply not playing. He flat out says, “Regardless of your reasons, the moment you felt the urge to kill, you had already lost. You agreed to be part of this killing game when you allowed murder to fill your heart.” He’s not really subtle about his hatred of the killing game, and even the whole “I love this game!!!” spiel in Chapter 4 is a rather pathetic lie. At least, it seems obvious to me, seeing as up until that point, some of his most serious moments have included him explicitly talking about not playing by Monokuma’s rules. I think Saihara himself notes that Kokichi seemed to have upped the whole evil persona. Though, being an observer, I guess I could be biased.

Celeste, however, said herself that she wanted nothing more than to get out as soon as Monokuma showed up. Just outright states it, that her whole “adaptability is survivability” mentality was a facade she put up in order to hide the fact that she was always considering killing someone in exchange for freedom. It’s a direct contrast to Kokichi’s insistence that they shouldn’t give into Monokuma’s trap, as well as his strong disdain for murder.

And since I’ve gone over their differences all this time, I wanna go over a few notable similarities real quick?

I notice that they both have a theme of hiding and suppressing their emotions. Kokichi’s more subtle about it, his most explicit line being that “hit reset on your feelings” line. Celeste states it outright, saying that she takes pride in being able to fool her own emotions, that “the conscious deceives the unconcious.” However, neither of them have full control over what emotions they show, as Kokichi is shown a few times to lose control and try to play it off as a lie afterwards, and Celeste loses her temper with Hifumi and during the trial. When it came time for her to be executed, even Makoto was able to see through her smile despite her efforts to appear composed.

Another thing is that they both seem to be rather commanding characters. Celeste is one of the first to take initiative, immediately establishing the no-wandering-at-nighttime rule, as well as bringing up the adapt to survive idea. She repeatedly reminds everyone to adhere to the rule, appearing ticked off when people don’t and even saying that Chihiro had their death coming to them for meeting someone at night. One of Kokichi’s first moves is to befriend Gonta, and he doesn’t have any issue ordering the guy around, not unlike how Celeste orders around Hifumi. Gonta obviously doesn’t really seem to find Kokichi physically attractive, but the boss/goon dynamic is similar. This is likely more of a “you’re easy to pick on so I’m gonna keep doing it” sort of deal than him being commanding, but I will bring up that Kokichi does seem to find Miu’s more wimpish side amusing, enough that he doesn’t seem to get bored of insulting her through the game.

This is...probably all stuff that me and plenty of other people have gone over before but I just. Man I just think they’re so neat........I love them.....they make me happy to think about....

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

All right, more writing advice has occurred to me, as promised, so here it is.

Writing Advice #2: Find a scene you like in a story you enjoy and dissect it.

I say a scene you like, not a scene you love, because honestly you’re probably never going to enjoy the scene again by the time you’re done.  BUT.

Find a good scene in a good book, and list as many observations about the scene as you possibly can.  Figure out: what does that scene accomplish?  How does it follow on from past scenes?  How does it set up future scenes?  What does it do for the characters and/or plot?  Most importantly, how did the author make it do that?  Do it in a macro level, for plot and character and theme.  Do it on a micro level, for individual word choices.

I’ll use an example from #22: The Solution, because this is me and I never shut up about Animorphs.  And I’m gonna do just a macro-level breakdown, to see how that scene fits within the book to understand why I like it so much.

One of my favorite scenes from #22 involves the entire extended Berenson family crowding into a hospital room to witness the “miraculous” “recovery” of “Saddler” — really David using Saddler’s DNA to sneak into Saddler’s family — before Jake and Rachel, the only two Berensons in the know, step out into the hallway.  In classic Berenson style they deal with their feelings by shouting and nearly coming to blows... but they gradually open up to each other about the fact that they’re both feeling scared and helpless right now.  They actually hug, the only time we ever see Jake and Rachel show that much affection, and resolve to handle this David-Saddler situation together.  The Hallway Scene (as Cates and I call it) is p. 107 - 113 in #22, most of Chapter 21.

So how does Applegate set that scene up?

First of all, we get exposition on the Saddler situation.  It comes up twice earlier in the book — once in the form of Naomi giving Rachel an update while Rachel staggers off to bed after fighting David all night, once in the form of Jordan seeking Rachel’s big-sister comfort about the situation in a conversation Rachel later realizes David overheard.  Both of those moments mean it makes sense when Rachel’s struggle against David gets interrupted by her mom bringing her to the hospital to visit an injured cousin.  That moment with Jordan also sets up David’s decision to kill and replace Saddler, while on the surface being a tough-but-sweet moment between sisters.  So the reader understands the Saddler situation pretty well, and thus it’s equipped to drive the plot.  We also don’t need exposition about it during The Hallway Scene, and can thus focus on just the characters there.

Second, we get Jake and Rachel’s dynamic.  The book opens with Rachel going into a rage and promising to murder David when she discovers Jake lying on the floor of the mall.  Through the planning and execution of the Hulk Smash the team does on the G8 summit, we see that Jake and Rachel work together seamlessly during emergencies — and that they fall into bickering once the emergency ends.  Later, we get Rachel’s first attempt to confront Jake about his willingness to use her as a weapon against David as they’re on Jake’s front porch, only to have Jake cut Rachel off with a reminder that Tom is inside the house.  All of these scenes build up the tension between Jake and Rachel but allow it no release until The Hallway Scene.

Third, we get the mood.  Rachel misses her first night of sleep in the opening sequence, when Ax gets her out of bed and she ends up hunting David clear until dawn.  Rachel misses her second night of sleep when the Animorphs resort to a smash ‘n’ burn on the G8 summit.  Rachel misses her ability to catch up on sleep when Jordan comes into her room, and then David reveals he’s been in her room as well for an unknown amount of time.  Not only has she been without rest for the past three days, she’s been unable to relax anywhere: David might be in her house, David might be in her school, David might be in Cassie’s barn, David might be Marco, David might be crawling on her skin.  Rachel and Jake’s confrontation is dangerously close to being public — they’re in a hallway of a hospital — but they’re exhausted and have nowhere else to go.

Fourth, the book sets up the contrast between appearance and reality within the Berenson family.  Obviously the whole series is about how appearances are misleading, but this book has several moments with Rachel reflecting on her mall-rat past self and realizing that that girl is a killer now.  There’s also the moment where she says “[Jake] was sitting there, looking like any other kid stuck in any other boring minivan.  If you saw him walk down the street you might think, Oh, there’s a nice-looking guy... /But then, I guess that’s true of everyone.  You can never be sure whether the pretty blond lugging a pair of bulging Express bags through the mall is just another sweet, ditzy, harmless mall rat.  /Or me.”  Rachel is conscious that the Berenson family is simultaneously the most “nice-looking” (white, upper-class, close, mostly nuclear) and in some ways the messiest family even on their whole team of messy families.

Their very closeness is what makes Tom’s yeerk so capable of hurting Jake and Steve — as Tobias points out in #31, any yeerk in his family could just tell his guardians to fuck off and that’d be the end of it.  Their very closeness is what enables Jake to trust Rachel up to the point of asking her to commit murder, and what enables Rachel to trust Jake up to the point of committing murder on his say-so.  But it’s not until The Hallway Scene that we see Rachel’s understanding of “appearances are deceiving, especially in this family” and her understanding of “I’m a lot more scared of myself than anyone realizes” coalesce onto the epiphany of “oh wait, Jake feels the same way I do.”

So how does that scene set up the rest of the book?

This breakdown’s a little simpler, because this scene is 75% of the way through the book and 95% of the way through the trilogy.

First, it takes away a lot of David’s power, because being vulnerable with each other allows Rachel and Jake bring the team dynamic back in line.  All of a sudden David’s attempts to sow discord — calling Rachel a monster, gloating about killing Tobias, pretending to be Marco — shift from being terrifying and heartbreaking to being... there.  Rachel has all the power in that scene in the Taco Bell, even though David continues to think that he has the power, and part of the reason that’s true is that she has her team at her back now.

Second, it sets up the resolution.  The Hallway Scene allows Jake and Rachel to confront their own brutality, and to a certain extent they choose to embrace that brutality because they see no other way out of the situation.  Thus Jake green-lights Cassie’s plan to trap David as a rat, and Rachel does the dirty work of executing that plan.

Third, it prepares several other moments of uniquely brutal vulnerability between these two later on in the series.  Jake morphs howler for the first time while cradled between Rachel’s grizzly-bear paws, because she’s the one he trusts to kill him instantly if he can’t control the morph (#26).  Rachel spends the entirety of #37 denying that she got a civilian killed until the moment she can finally talk to Jake about it, and Jake all-but confesses to having done the same.  Jake can’t bring himself to ask Rachel directly to kill Tom in a suicide mission, but Rachel understands what he’s saying all the same, and makes him agree in exchange not to blame himself for their deaths (#53).

Fourth, it shifts the mood away from the kids feeling more and more trapped in their ever-shrinking corner, toward the kids realizing they’ve all got each other in that corner.  David’s fate is a terrible secret binding the team together, and it’s the reason that these six never really trust anyone but each other ever again in the series.  Jake’s scared of himself, Rachel’s scared of herself, but at least from here on out they can be scared together.

Why’s The Hallway Scene so impactful?

Contrast, mostly.  For instance, Applegate could’ve written a scene where Rachel reacts to finding out that Michelle’s and the other vets’ intervention kept Jake alive long enough for him to demorph and survive David’s attack.  There could’ve even been a scene with Rachel hugging Jake in a thank-god-you’re-alive way, processing the earlier emotion of having found him dying on the floor of the mall.  However, if we had gotten that moment, then it wouldn’t be nearly as surprising or as bittersweet when Jake and Rachel hug in the hospital hallway.  In canon, we get told-not-shown about the aftermath of Jake being rescued, and Rachel just assumes that neither she nor Jake needs a hug after all that because they’re Built Berenson Tough and must be fine.

Another hypothetical: Applegate could’ve set that same scene somewhere safe for them to talk freely, like the clock tower or another location David doesn’t know.  Or she could’ve set the scene somewhere completely unsafe, like Saddler’s hospital room where both Tom and David are within earshot.  However, setting it somewhere completely safe would raise the possibility that Jake and Rachel morph and attempt to do real violence to each other.  The scene wouldn’t work as well if they had quite that much freedom of expression, and quite that little urgency about talking things out right now.  Setting it somewhere unsafe might have interesting implications if they’re forced to use doublespeak the whole time (as we see them doing on the phone) but wouldn’t allow them enough space to be as emotionally vulnerable as we see them being in canon.  Forcing them to have the appearance of a normal conversation from a distance, while also allowing them to say what they will without fear of eavesdroppers, gives us exactly the right balance of tension.

How’d Applegate to it?

Not in the first draft, I guarantee you.  Attempting to fit a scene that well into a book that doesn’t yet fully exist is quite simply impossible.  Maybe there was a scene where Rachel gave Jake a thank-god-you’re-not-dead hug after Michelle fixed him, and it got taken out later.  Maybe the Saddler situation was originally explained as Rachel was already on her way to the hospital, and the exposition got deliberately moved to an earlier and less-tense moment in the plot.  Point being, it took writing and rewriting and rerewriting to get the book to fit together that well, and the same is true of any book that flows well in its entirety.

My other guess about what went on behind the scenes: lots of prewriting.  Lots of outlining the whole series, lots of “what would Rachel do?”, lots of research on elephants and rats and dolphins and eagles.

All of that is work.  All of that is a pain.  All of that is returning to a project even after the glow of initial excitement is gone.  All of that is fighting the urge to scream and yeet the draft after getting criticism.  But books don’t function if you don’t put that much work into them.

[theredhairedmonkey]

Viren and Callum—Defining Heroism

Callum is a foil for each of the three antagonists, and each season focuses on a different pairing.

During Season 2, Callum’s arc was a foil to Claudia’s. I break down some of the similarities between them here. Callum and Claudia both exhibit a curiosity to learn more about magic (particularly at the Moon Nexus), and both are fiercely protective of those closest to them. To the extent they will use Dark Magic to protect them.

But whereas Callum tries it once and decides to reject it for good, Claudia continues to succumb to this temptation, time and time again.

During Season 3, Callum’s development is contrasted with Aaravos. At this point, Callum is, like Aaravos, a magical prodigy; each had mastered at least one Primal Source they weren’t born connected to.

Additionally, both demonstrate great influence over the lives of those around them. But they are diametrically opposed in terms of their goals. Whereas Aaravos cares primarily about advancing his own interests, Callum wants to genuinely help people, and empower them to make their own choices (as opposed to manipulating them like Aaravos).

This foil can be summed up simply—Callum is motivated by the Narrative of Love. Aaravos is motivated by the Narrative of Fear.

Harrow: “I ask you and your brother to reject history as a narrative of strength and instead have faith that it can be a narrative of love.”

Aaravos: “You tried to win over the other humans with loyalty and friendship, but they ignored you. Those who fail tests of love are simple animals. They deserve to be motivated by fear.”

But the focus here is on Viren and Callum, and starting in Season 1 and throughout the first three seasons, Viren and Callum have very deep, narratively important parallels with one another.

Both are the mages who advise their respective Kings.

Callum: “When you grow up, sometimes you have to face things you’re not ready for.”

Viren: “He insisted I stand next to him in the painting, because he knew I would stand by him through anything.”

Both are curious and want to explore the depths of magic to the greatest extent possible.

Viren and Callum are also both insecure in their place in the world, relying (at least initially) on magic to help give them a sense of belonging

But their differences not only define their dynamic, they also define many elements and themes to the Saga, in particular as to what it means to be a hero.

To begin, Viren is great, though not necessarily good. That is to say, even though he may be capable of great deeds that save countless lives (such as in saving the people of Duren with the heart of a Titan), these deeds don’t actually make him a heroic person.

This is because every great deed he did stemmed not from altruism or compassion (no matter how well he convinced himself that it did), but from his tragic flaws: his arrogance, his vanity, and importantly, his hubris—his belief that he can subvert the natural order in his favor without consequence.

From what we can gather, Viren is a force to be reckoned with. His skills with magic have made him so powerful, he can cast a spell that would save two kingdoms from starvation.

They are also such that he’s considered by Amaya, a talented warrior herself, perhaps “the most dangerous human in the world.”

His martial prowess is quite exceptional as well, as he’s able to go toe to toe with two Dragonguards for a time. Even though they’re elite fighters and they’re flanking him, he’s able to hold his own for a while before having to resort to magic.

However, Viren is a tragic character. I don’t mean this in the sense that we should feel sorry for the power-hungry man who attempted to murder two boys and steal the throne. Rather, his “greatness” is undermined by his personal flaws, which he can’t quite shake and prevent him from being good.

Part of Viren sincerely wants to improve life for his people. When talking to Aaravos, to whom he has no motivation to lie, he states his aim is to help mankind flourish “without a knife to its throat”

He’s even willing to consider sacrificing himself, either for King Harrow or, in Lux Aurea, for his army.

Aaravos: “We’ll risk as few lives as possible. One.”

Viren: “Ah. Mine.”

But as per his hubris, he exhibits great pride in how his abilities can help mankind flourish or save his people. While he wants mankind to prosper, he wants this to be his achievement and wants people to know that he is the one who saved them.

In his story to Queen Aanya, he places a bit of undue emphasis on the fact that he was the one who up with a solution that saved Katolis and Duren. Whether or not this is what happened, it’s clear that he wants Aanya to know that he personally saved her kingdom.

A little less unclear is how necessary he ultimately was. Sarai goes back to save Viren because “without him to perform the spell, the heart is worthless, and this was all for nothing.”

I’m...skeptical as to whether this is what Sarai says, or if it’s Viren intentionally or unintentionally reading in what he wants her to say. Truth be told, Viren has no idea if this is what Sarai said because he wasn’t there when she said it. And why is the heart worthless? Viren wasn’t the only Dark Mage in the world, and probably not the only one between Duren and Katolis. There’s no reason why another mage couldn’t perform the spell.

But for Viren, the heart of the Titan might as well have been worthless because, in his mind, he’s the only capable of accomplishing these great feats.

Even when he was potentially willing to sacrifice his life for Harrow, he botched it with his  speech to Harrow.

Viren: “Right now I do not come to you as my King. I think of you as my brother.”

Truth is, none of this throat-clearing is necessary. But, Viren’s not quite so humble, even when he’s attempting to do the right thing. He still wants to be seen as someone special, even when laying his life down for another.

Turns out, this was entirely the wrong thing to say to Harrow, who is put off by Viren’s self-righteousness.

Harrow: “I see the problem now. It’s that you believe you are special. Better than everyone else, above the laws of this kingdom.”

When he’s forced to kneel and Harrow calls him a servant, this infuriates Viren and he sets aside any plans he had to sacrifice himself for his King.

Harrow: “You are a servant of Katolis. You are a servant.”

Because if Viren is going to sacrifice himself, he needs people to know what a great thing it is that he’s doing. He’s not a mere servant, he’s their savior.

It’s interesting that Viren’s pride is so hurt of being called a servant of Katolis, since that’s exactly how Harrow sees himself, according to Viren.

Viren: “King Harrow worked tirelessly. He told me he thought of himself as a servant of all the people of Katolis. A servant King.”

But Viren doesn’t see himself in this way. When his potential sacrifice is treated with the same level of significance as though he were anybody else, it offends him that he has to share that importance with others.

And thus, his pride leads to his downfall, casting aside his desire to protect his King, and replaces it with a desire to be the King himself.

Viren: “Today, we must mourn sevenfold. For tonight, there will be a coronation.”

Callum, on the other hand, begins his journey on the opposite side of the spectrum from Viren. Whereas Viren can accomplish great feats without being good, Callum is a good person, though not great.

At least, not yet.

According to the main site, “Callum has a big heart, and always tries to do the right thing.”

He can be super proud of himself and his accomplishments, but he usually has enough perspective to avoid letting this get in the way of what he knows is important. For instance, he connects to the Sky Primal, something thought of as impossible for humans, he immediately shifts his attention to Ezran, never once bragging or reminding people of his accomplishments.

Corvus: That’s incredible, Prince Callum.

Callum: Thanks…uh, who are you?

And, when it comes time to laying his life on the line for others, he never hesitates. Notably, around the same time as Viren was thinking about sacrificing his life for Harrow, Callum was preparing to sacrifice himself for his actual brother, but with none of the bravado or self-righteous congratulating of himself.

Just a solemn, quiet attempt to save his brother, even at the cost of his own life, and even without anyone finding out about his sacrifice.

For Rayla, he performs Dark Magic, knowing how much she could possibly hate him for it, but deciding that her life is worth more than how she sees him.

Callum may start out with a big heart, but when it comes to his skills, well…

But if Viren begins as both powerful and amoral, it makes perfect sense to have Callum’s arc to begin as his opposite--someone without any special abilities but with a strong moral compass.

Because of this, we get to see him go from good to great. And his story walks this fine line, where he develops these magical abilities to perform heroic feats walking hand in hand with the realization that he doesn’t need magic to be heroic.

Callum: “It’s up to us now. We have to return this egg. We have to keep it safe and carry it to Xadia.”

Callum has the same temptation as Viren—this need to be someone important, which is a big part of his arc in S1 and S2.

In S1, he initially places a high premium on his sense of self-worth, willing to put their mission in jeopardy just so he can obtain an object that might help him become a better mage.

He assigns great importance to objects (such as the Primal Stone and the Key of Aaravos) rather than focusing on people or lives. Much in line with the way a Dark Mage would attach significance to magical components that are needed for spells.

Callum: “The truth is, its not me. It’s this. All the magic, all the power, all the confidence. It's just because of this amazing thing. A Primal Stone.”

Ellis: “That Primal Stone needs you to do all that amazing stuff. Without you, it's just a neat, glowy ball.”

Callum: “I guess so. But without this, I'm nothing. Just a guy who can draw and make wry comments from time to time. And they're not even that wry.”

Much like how Viren assigns great value to the mirror or the Dragon Egg, even above his own children’s lives.

Viren: “The egg. If you have to choose [between Soren and the egg], choose the egg.”

But by the end of S1, he realizes just how much more important the lives of his friends and the Dragon Prince are over his own sense of pride or self-worth. Unlike Viren, who places a great degree of importance to his sacrifice (honestly, Harrow should be honored that Viren would consider throwing himself on the sword for a mere king), Callum simply makes the realization of what he needs to do…and then does it.

S2 follows the aftermath of his decision, and Callum has to deal with no longer having his mage abilities. Again, he latches his entire sense of self-worth to be able to do magic.

As @raayllum​ points out here, he also aligns his ability to do magic to agency. Without magic, he’s paralyzed by indecision and an inability to do the right thing. He believes himself imprisoned by his inadequacy.

Callum: “If we're really going to change things, we can't just watch while humans and Xadia keep hurting each other. But how do I take a stand? Believe me, I want to go down there with you, and be the heroes who stop all the fighting and save the day, but I can't do that. I can't do anything!”

And he follows this line of reasoning to its logical conclusion:

Dark Magic

Dark Magic gives him all the power he needs. If Callum wants to be special (like Viren), if he wants to have agency and freedom for himself, this is the path he can take.

Dark!Callum: “You can have unlimited power, and you can choose what to do with that power.

And in that moment, he’s tempted. Truly, he’s tempted, to commit to this path, set himself free from his past limitations and feelings of worthlessness.

He can become like Viren, and make himself great…but in a moment of clarity, he sees Dark Magic for what it truly is.

This isn’t freedom. It’s not the power he wants.

It’s just another prison.

And unlike Viren, who succumbs to this temptation, Callum sees through it.

What’s noteworthy is that Callum doesn’t press on the point that it’s possible for him to learn an Arcanum and do magic some other. He doesn’t insist he can make this choice easy on himself; he chooses that, Arcanum or no Arcanum, this is not the kind of magic he will choose to do.

Callum: “Destiny is a book you write yourself!”

Instead of attaching his sense of self-worth and agency to magic, he breaks free of this toxic cycle and seizes the ability to direct his own fate.

This is a lesson that he then passes on to others.

Rayla: “What does this mean? What should I do?

Callum:  “I don’t know. But it’s your choice. No one else’s.”

He finds his agency and self-worth independent of his ability to do magic, and realizes that his potential is actually in his complete control. Fittingly, it’s this realization that completes his journey to finally understand the Sky Arcanum.

In the end, Viren and Callum are quite similar, but the former lets his flaws get the better of him, his pride sinking him until he becomes malicious, grasping, and power-hungry. Eyes set on stealing the power to make him important.

The latter ascends past his prior limitations, refusing to yield to his own worst impulses.

Moreover, Callum holds on to his ideals in the face of adversity, even at his own expense, while Viren constantly tries to find “pragmatic” and expedient solutions to problems that always happen to end up with him on top of everyone else. Viren continues his dramatic decline, eagerly crossing one moral horizon after another, until by the end, he admits to Aaravos what he is really after is conquest; he’s willing to steal Zym’s life force just to become more powerful, sacrificing the entirety of his army to do it.

Callum, on the other hand, begins to truly understand what can make a good-natured person into a hero.

He expresses it in a speech about Rayla…

Callum: “It's because Rayla is a hero…Rayla saves people. She's brave. She does what's right, even if it puts her own life in danger, and even when the odds seem impossible. Even when it means her own people might misunderstand and turn against her. Rayla is selfless, strong and caring. That's what makes her a hero. That's what makes her Rayla.”

…and then proceeds to do each and every one of those things on the pinnacle. He bravely leaps after Rayla--even though it put his own life in danger--because it’s the right thing to do. Even though the odds of quickly mastering a complex spell on the way down seemed impossible.

Viren thinks his great feats are a substitute for a good character. Callum’s journey, on the other hand, is learning those character traits that make one heroic. He realizes, not only that Rayla is “selfless, strong, and caring,” but also why and more importantly, why he can be those things too.

And this dynamic between Viren and Callum culminates in the finale, where one falls…

…and the other rises.

[franceslittlenightmare]

 S T A I R W A Y T O H E A V E N.

: — ;Solo # 4 — ; Mid October Two Thousand Ninteen — ;Trigger warning: Mentions of an Eating Disorder — ; Song: Stairway To Heaven By Led Zepplin

— ; Admin Notes: This is Elsa’s current state. After our Royal Pains hiatus I figured we all needed starting points and explanations for our character’s absence. So, Elsa went to treatment for her ED from September to early November. She’s finally returned and basically is trying to get her life back on track. Her personality is still very much the same.

❝There's a lady who's sure All that glitters is gold And she's buying a stairway to heaven When she gets there she knows If the stores are all closed With a word she can get what she came for Oh oh oh oh and she's buying a stairway to heaven There's a sign on the wall But she wants to be sure 'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings In a tree by the brook There's a songbird who sings Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiving Ooh, it makes me wonder.❞ Elsa Grimaldi drew in a deep breath of air, pausing for a moment before exhaling. It had only been an hour since she was checked in but time was dragging by. Each excruciating minute after the next burned her up inside. It felt like a fire was raging itself through her body, destroying whatever stood in its path. Since arriving at the Eating Disorders clinic Elsa couldn't help but to notice how everyone kept acting like she was at some world star resort. All of the employees hid the depressing atmosphere with painted on smiles and matching lilac colored outfits, as if they weren't here to watch people literally kill themselves. At the Estate her absence was announced as a "retreat" which pissed the girl off even more. While her self confidence was low and she hated what she saw in the mirror, Elsa was never embarrassed of her Anorexia. It was very much part of herself, ingrained in every essence of her being. So, sugar coating the fact that she was dying infuriated the girl. The disease was a long time best friend, a trait in her personality, she was protective over the thing that had been destroying her body for the last five years. The first weigh in however, was absolutely modifying. As the petite princess entered the sterile white doctors office the smell of alcohol and bleach invaded her senses. The faint smell of the lavender plant in the window made her laugh internally, as if they could cover up the smell of sickness. As the girl was instructed to drop her white robe by a man with a friendly smile she couldn't help but to internally panic. It was something Elsa Grimaldi would never admit but, she was filled with an overwhelming anxiety about stripping off in front of anyone. Outwardly she gave off a confident, almost cocky, persona. But, that was a front, on the inside she was about as small and as fragile as one could be. The only man who had ever seen her fully naked was her ex, Ashton Deutch, and that took a lot of courage. So, the girl could feel the tears that began to prick at her white chocolate orbs. She slowly untied the wrap that held the robe to her small frame. Then, she dropped the piece of clothing. Why did it have to be a man? "Alright Ms.Grimaldi, go ahead and step up onto that scale right there. Once it beeps just hop off, put the robe on and head over to room 203." The man spoke kindly but rather monotone as he went through the motions, staring down at his clipboard. Elsa couldn't look back at him though, she was frozen in fear. This was exactly what she was afraid of, standing on the scale stark naked as she confronted exactly what she was terrified of, herself. Tears begun to fall over her hollowed cheeks as she stood there, staring down at the sleek glass scale, listening to it taunt her. "Is everything alright? I can get a female nurse over here if that's what would make you comfortable-" the man continued, interrupted by the soft voice of Elsa, a contrast to her usual direct tone. “No, I- I’m fine. Just, um.. just one moment please.” She trailed off, her arms wrapped around the thin frame of skin and bones that held her up and barley kept her heart beating. The French girl drew in another deep breath, trying to find the courage to step on the scale. Getting on it meant starting recovery. It meant acknowledging that she was sick. It meant coming to terms with the fact that she was dying. Getting on that scale meant so many things Elsa was afraid to come face. “I promise everything is going to be alright.” The voice spoke out again, softer than before. Elsa nodded once, long locks of chocolate colored hair falling in front of her face as she glanced down to watch her step. Slowly, she stood on the scale, her eyes shutting as she willed her mind to take her away from this current moment. After a few unbearable seconds the man thanked her and handed Elsa back her robe. The initial evaluation wasn’t good, she knew that. Prior to the weigh-in her vitals were also checked and various other minor things. She knew the results were bad just from looking at his expression. Quickly, she dressed again and dipped out of the room to find where she would be staying for the next to weeks before the male nurse could say anything further. After settling into her room, or more like pacing around, Elsa was summoned to a house meeting to hear the rules. Then, it was dinner time. She dreaded it, absolutely despised meal times with every single fiber of her being. Elsa Grimaldi had an addictive personality. When it came to liquor, shopping, men see it once and she was hooked. As a small child Elsa remembered the first Audrey Hepburn movie she watched, then rewatched twenty six times that month- Roman Holiday. It was a movie about a young princess who yearns to experience a normal life and ends up escaping and finding love in an ordinary man. Something about that movie called out to her. Her addictive personality only grew more intense with age. She continued to latch onto and devour the same obsessions. That is until she came face to face with her eating disorder. Food became her newest addiction, the rush and control she felt. But, as the years went on her eating disorder began to control her and run Elsa’s life. So, as she sat in the chair, petite frame rigid and small as she stared down at the plate of food. It started with something small for her first day, tomato soup. Every patient had a specialized meal plan along with their overall treatment plan. Tomato soup was a staple in her diet back in France. So, while the familiarity was comforting it only annoyed the girl more. Slowly, she lifted her spoon, dipping it into the vivid red liquid as she began to stir absentmindedly. The Parisian woman noted how the liquid reminded her of blood, undeniably so. “Elsa-“ The voice broke her out of the trance she was in. “A bite, just one.” The voice repeated, an older female counselor. “I promise you, the road to recovery starts with one bite. I know it’s incredibly difficult, but remember why you’re here, your baby boy.” The girl hated that, she despised it. They used her son as leverage. But, she couldn’t quite be mad. Using the baby as a way to save her life wasn’t exactly criminal. Elsa promised the infant, or promised herself, that she was going to be around to watch Grayson grow up. She would be the mother she never had and unconditionally and fiercely protect the child she had carried and loved for nine months. It wasn’t like the Parisian girl to grow attached to another person. Her deepest longest bonds had been with her brother, her own father and the father of her child. They were all complex, one of those relationships being deemed as toxic by her therapist. Another body she had developed recently was with a man of authority, an Italian man she had no businesses even talking to. Yet, all of her dynamics with men were complicated and took a toll on the girl. So, she wanted to get it right with Grayson, her child. With a deep heaving sigh Elsa lifted up her spoon. Her hand shook slightly as she held the utensil up to her plumped lips. With big Bambi like eyes she glanced up at the personal therapist on her case, the friendly woman giving her a reassuring smile as she nodded once. Carefully, she inched the spoon closer to her mouth, quickly slipping on the red liquid and then pulling the spoon back once more. “Good, that’s good Elsa. Progress is important. Yesterday you were almost in Kidney failure. Today, you’re out of bed and participating. I’m proud of you-“ the woman chided with a friendly smile, gently patting Elsa’s frail shoulder as she stood up to fetch the woman a glass of water and her medicine for the meal; antidepressants and vitamins. As Elsa processed everything she caught her reflection in the spoon. Her wide eyed staring back at her, empty and scared. She didn’t realize what she looked like. She was no longer the fiery woman who hid behind insults, attitude and an ice wall. Her defenses had been stripped down and she was Elsa, that little vulnerable French girl. For the second time that day her eyes began to well up with tears. Silently, she let them fall, holding the spoon as she watched tears adorn her cheeks. She truly saw herself, the person she used to recognize. This was the start of something, Elsa thought to herself. a faint smile dancing across her tired features as she dipped the spoon back into the soup, taking another cautious bite as she began to eat.

[whetstonefires]

I see lots of potential with your Damian clones fic! I've always wondered how Damian and Tim would get along if Damian wasn't programmed to kill Tim. With your fic, you could explore the Tim-Damian dynamic 7 (or was it 6?) ways! I kinda imagine each clone representing a side/aspect of Damian (but ofcourse they're still characters in their own right). Plus the kids are hella cute

Thanks! And...huh, that’s an interesting thought. Tim and Damian’s relationship was very much defined by Damian’s relentless antagonism, so yeah, it would have been completely different if not.

And then you’ve got two options--Damian’s still an asshole as default interaction metric and just has no particular antipathy toward Tim for some reason, or Damian has a major personality overhaul and isn’t a dick just generally, which would change all his relationships.

...the fact that DC aged Damian up three years via retcon without changing his behavior or appearance or really how people react to him bugs me a lot. Ten to thirteen are really major years in the socialization process. A ten-year-old child who insults everyone he meets and throws food at the wall is considerably less likely to grow up to be a man who abuses his power over others than a 13-year-old who does the same thing. He’s not only got more time to sort himself out, he’s in a more plastic stage of identity formation.

(This is also why I feel like Bruce’s parents dying when he was 8 is more consistent with his characterization than 12. But I digress.)

The thing about these kids, though, is how much they aren’t Damian.

They’re going to have a lot in common, of course; they’ve got the genes for his sturdy build and precision of motion, for example, and I suspect a certain amount of the tendency toward drama is genetic lmao. And they share a frame of reference in the League.

But Damian and the septuplets had very different experiences of childhood in the League of Shadows. Damian’s entire upbringing centered around being special--the heir, the son-of. He was required to be a prodigy, and expected to perform to a high standard specifically in contrast to others, and to win. And his mother loved him, and it wasn’t explicitly a conditional love, but...

Meanwhile, the clones were not special. They were disposable, even. They weren’t anyone’s personal kids. They could die in fights or accidents, and no special efforts would be made to fix them. Nobody loved them. They were encouraged to view one another as rivals, but not all that hard and mostly in terms of how whoever was lowest in status at a given time was vulnerable to being broken down for spare parts. (This didn’t happen often, but it always potentially could.) They were expected to excel, but not to the same level, and not on an individual basis but to par with the group.

Even within the same overall conceptual framework, the contrast between being assumed to have value and having to maintain that status, versus being presumed to have very little value and having to avoid having none is actually considerable, and the difference between the primary risk associated with failure being loss of identity versus being literally trashed is greater.

It’s not that Damian’s life wasn’t occasionally seriously threatened during his training, but that was never the primary threat he was dealing with, more of a tactical goad, and it’s very much not what his anxieties center around.

This latter fact has been dealt with in canon mostly as a symptom of brash youth, but it also speaks to how Talia (and to a lesser extent Ra’s) very much wanted him alive, and he was secure that as long as this remained true he was probably fine no matter what. In spite of his various hardships, his childish sense of immortality remained intact.

(They do call her Mother but Talia very firmly and almost entirely successfully partitioned the clones as ‘not her sons,’ both because even though she did partly send Damian to Bruce to protect him she was not emotionally prepared for his rejection and is still reeling, and because they were literally made to be expendable, spare bodies, and her sense of self-preservation is too well-developed to allow herself to get attached. The same way if you work in the sheep industry you can’t get too sentimental about the lambs, because a certain number are meat.

She still didn’t like them getting hurt or anything but it was in the category of One Of Those Things, it wasn’t personal.)

One of the things this divergence has meant, in this case, is that unlike Damian the septuplets are very sensitive to adult approval from a survival perspective. So while they’re not actually submissive unless you give them no other options, they have a certain inclination to conciliate as a first resort.

While Damian, of course, is a provocative hellion, because making a point of his strength and importance was how he learned to register his value, and being ignored or disrespected constitutes an existential threat in the schema he was given as a child.

And yet, at the same time--because they didn’t receive focused personal attention from their caretakers, the cloneboys aren’t nearly as inclined toward emotional dependence on adults. They eventually, somewhat covertly, learned to depend on each other. That’s their security. They don’t bleed the need to be accepted. They’d benefit from stable adult attachment figures, even kind of want them to varying individual degrees, but they don’t need them, not acutely.

While both Damian’s parents and his favorite brother have a very easy time breaking his heart. So, the clones are much more cooperative than Damian, but also much harder to manipulate, and harder to secure the loyalty of.

And of course the effect gap of having your identity founded on singularity versus barely distinguished from peers is profound.

They are individuals, but they’re acutely codependent, so neither Tim nor anyone else can have a relationship with any one of them that doesn’t built on and influence the relationship with the group.

So, really, no matter where I take the story, Tim’s relationships with the individual clone kids are going to barely resemble any potential relationship he could have had with Damian in alternate timelines where Damian wasn’t one of codependent septuplets, which is...almost all of them, I presume. Sorry to disappoint on that front!