#and even has a lost love he’s separated from (though the only reference to her is a picture on the wall and it’s very blink if you miss it)

[probablygayattorneys]

I went to another Ghibli Fest movie tonight, The Cat Returns and the whole time I was like “Wow, the Baron looks so familiar. I could swear I’ve seen someone dressed exactly like that before.”

Sure enough…

So I went to go see Kiki’s Delivery Service in theatres as part of this year’s Ghibli Fest, and the entire time I kept thinking that the boy in it reminded me of teenage Randall, just his general aura and everything, which was fine until…

Mark the similarities and the differences

[neo--queen--serenity]

Found family is such a huge theme in the Apothecary Diaries.

You have Luomen, raising Maomo from a young age, despite her being biologically his grandniece, but raising her anyway.

You have the Madame of the Verdigris House, who is Maomao’s maternal grandmother, but never tells her. She takes care of Maomao, helps raise her in the brothel the best she can, but tries not to show how fond she is of her.

You have Meimei, Joka, & Pairin, three famous courtesans at the Verdigris House who not only physically raised Maomao in her infancy (an imperfect process, as to be expected when one tries to collectively raise a baby in a brothel), but also breastfed her. These women staunchly refer to themselves as Maomao’s sisters, despite having been old enough to be her parents themselves.

You have Gyokuyou, who doesn’t have a good relationship with her own family, and actively distrusts them. She invests wholly in the women she instates as her ladies-in-waiting, treating them, instead, as her family, and as the only people she truly trusts. It’s for this reason that she asks for Maomao to return to her service over and over: because she trusts her, she loves her as a member of her own household. She shows defiance and even possessiveness when Jinshi’s involvement keeps Maomao from being her lady-in-waiting permanently, as truly trustworthy people are so hard to find, in her world.

You have Lakan, who adopted his nephew Lahan when Lahan’s own family rejected his genius and his potential for growth. Lakan, in general, tends to take in orphans and young children into his estate as servants, when he can tell they have specific talents that would be wasted when they grew older. One of his hobbies is fostering the talents of these strays he takes into his employ. Even if his motives are grey, he still drastically changes their lives for the better.

You have Chou-u, who Maomao indirectly adopted as her own (even though, age-wise, he’s closer to a brother figure for her). Since he’s lost his memories, Maomao is all he knows as a parental figure. She let him live with her, she tried teaching him medicine like Luomen did for her (even though it didn’t resonate with him). And when Maomao spends long stints away from the pleasure district, Chou-u experiences acute separation anxiety, though it slowly improves over time.

You have Ah-Duo, who acted as a surrogate mother to Lishu for both of Lishu’s tenures in the rear palace. Ah-Duo couldn’t have a normal relationship with her own child (Jinshi), so she doted on Lishu instead. This was a truly symbiotic relationship for them, as Lishu, for the longest time, had very few people she could trust or rely on as a friend when she was a consort.

And these are just the relationships I can think of at the moment!! The story has so many bonds like this. It’s one of my absolute favorite aspects of the series, and one that I think Natsu Hyuuga handles incredibly well.

[trexiejan]

Friendly reminder that DC and Dickbabs writers are gaslighting you into thinking Dickbabs are childhood sweethearts that are always in love with each other since day 1.

Dickbabs is the most superficial manufactured by retcons ship.

Babs was deaged for this crap to work.

Here is Original Barbara Gordon working as a congresswoman in the Senate when Dick was just the little kid Robin.

She was much closer to Bruce and Clark's age than Dick's.

Barbara refers to Dick as a "kid" and "little brother.

Dick had a small puppy crush on her but it was seen as a precocious crush. It was controversial when they first kiss (to make Dick shut up) because it involved a grown ass woman kissing a teenager.

Dickbabs was hated the same way modern Brucebabs is hated today.

Even the writer of that book admitted he never intended for them to become a couple.

Babs was more into older guys.

- she was viewed as an equal love interest to Batman

- she went out on a date with Superman

- then got engaged to her coworker Jason Bard.

Dickbabs shippers always try to deny that Babs was deaged and her history was altered for dickbabs in an effort to defend their ship.

They say it's not true because according to them Babs has been deaged before dickbabs became a couple.

Here's the thing though:

Babs has been deaged twice.

Just because she wasn't deaged to be with Dick in her 1st deaging doesn't change the fact that she was deaged to be the same age as him in her 2nd deaging which happened in dickbabs content.

The 1st time she was deaged was in Crisis on Infinite Earths, it was so Jim could be younger but they only decreased her age slightly because she's still written as older than Dick, here is a panel from Secret Origins #20 that was published in 1986 exactly 1 year after she was first deaged in Crisis on infinite earths (1985) she said Dick is too young for her and that batman is always the one on her mind. So Dickbabs during this time still couldn't work because they still have that age gap and Babs was still into Bruce.

The 2nd time she was deaged is in dickbabs comics and tv shows where she was finally made the same age as Dick so dickbabs can finally work as romantic pairing.

Instead of being older she's now written as a part of Dick's generation.

From a congresswoman to someone who went to highschool prom with Dick.

Even Tom Taylor had the two first met when they were young little kids so he can also portray them as childhood sweethearts in his run.

Tom Taylor claims Barbara still has a law degree but isn't it sad how instead of using that degree to find an actual job, she wasted her time following Dick around like a dog in Bludhaven ?

She has no job of her own, no friends of her own, no hobbies of her own outside of Dick.

She's just Dick's clingy lovesick girlfriend who is a total standby for him in his solo books.

Dickbabs shippers who deny this and get mad at people who point this out are the people who don't care about Barbara Gordon as an individual.

They don't care that Barbara lost her PHD degree, lost her own career, lost her own agency, lost her history, lost her self identity for the sake of shipping.

Their only concern is defending dickbabs and making it look better.

Because if they like Barbara separately from Dick, all these valid anti-dickbabs criticisms wouldn't bother them.

What's even funnier is that they are the very same people who accuse Starfire of being nothing but just Dick's love interest despite the fact that Starfire hasn't been in a relationship with Dick in the comics for 20+ years due to the fact that dickkory's history was ignored and erased in favor of dickbabs. NASTY HYPOCRITES.

At least Starfire wasn't deaged to fit Dick and you can never see Starfire following Dick around like a dog in his solo books 💀

[seraphdreams]

NO PHOTOS — BAJI KEISUKE/KAZUTORA HANEMIYA.

— CONTAINS. fem!reader, 3some, slight choking, praise/degradation, reader is referred to as sweetheart and doll, multiple rounds, tora is an energetic fucker. 18+ mdni.

— WORD COUNT. 4.0k

— NOTES. this is like my 50th repost cause i’m trying to not get flagged but i hope you enjoy the first addition to this miniseries. i really loved writing it all and i hope i don’t have to repost it again :( also listen to the song “no photos” by don toliver!

— LINKS. series masterlist — general masterlist.

They say rivalries could fuck up a friendship.

Not particularly for Baji and Kazutora though.

Rivalry was invigorating to them, something they needed in their day to day lives like water to survive, and even after their childhood years, they still found themselves battling against each other somehow. So, it didn’t come as much of a surprise to Kazutora when he arrived at Bonten’s freshly established headquarters, complete with its own separate hotel and casino, to see that his opponent was Shibuya’s best, Baji Keisuke.

A smirk then followed a laugh when Hanemiya thought over it more. Baji? It’d been years since he last saw his best friend, his only fond memory being attending Keisuke’s graduation; How strange of someone with their veterinary degree to take on racing. To each their own, he presumed.

In turn, however, Kazutora spent most of his time in jail. Trouble seemed to follow him everywhere he went like a lost puppy with its unreliable owner. And at the end of every day, he promised himself he’d get better—He had to. And he did. Prison struck the opportunity for him to pick up new dexterities, other than his last hobby of breaking and entering. With that, he grew increasingly knowledgeable in the field of motorbikes. Once he got out, he landed himself a job at a local bike shop. Comfortable; the pay was great, he did what he loved, and when he was exceptionally lucky, he’d get to compete against others in his area, being an undefeated favorite as well.

Now with him settled into his suite, alongside his roguish roommate, the need for competition grew stronger.

“It’s been a minute, huh, Keisuke?” Kazutora sighs out, laying across the opposite side of his bed. Coming from Tora, it was rich. Rich in the sense that whenever it came down to the two going head to head back in Shibuya, Kazutora conveniently found himself sitting in a cell. “Sure has. I was startin’ to think your bum ass was scared of me.” Baji responds with a snicker, adjusting his head on the headboard of the luxurious hotel bed.

“Never. But hey..” Kazutora starts, sitting up straight and resting his weight against his hands behind him. From the shift in octave of his last vocables, Baji knew to listen intently despite aimlessly scrolling on his phone. Probably looking at bikes again..

“Y’seen that new girl Bonten’s been hoarding? Fucking gorgeous.” Kei’s focus flits immediately to Hanemiya. “New girl?”

If you could only see the look on Tora’s face when he described you, as if he’d seen an angel from Heaven and came back down to Earth just to report it back to Baji. It was entertaining to say the least, how expressive he got when telling Keisuke you were about this tall, and your hair was the sexiest shade of this color, and he can’t fucking forget about your body. Each dip and curve of your frame was engraved into his brain with so much depth that if he’d somehow end up with amnesia, he couldn’t forget—He wouldn’t forget.

“Sounds like a real peach. The hell they need her for?” Baji queries. The truth being, Bonten needed you as a morale booster. Someone to remind them they were human even after a gruesome day’s work, and of course at times they’d get distracted, bend you over the desk in God-knows-who’s office just to make the prettiest mess out of you. It kept their spirits high, and they were fun men so you didn’t mind as much as you should’ve.

Kazutora thought for a second on what his next words would be. Spontaneously, he asks, “Wanna find out?” The question didn’t quite register in Baji’s mind until Tora graciously added that you were the designated flag girl. What a shame it’d be if you didn’t get to know your racers a few hours before they become less than friends and more than foe.

—

Last night’s packing took an immense amount of your energy, leaving you only to manage a quick shower in the morning after less than a full night's rest. You blamed Haru; That forgetful bastard, only he would make the mistake of relaying to you that the flight leaves at 6 A.M instead of P.M, which forced you to scramble for time you thought you had.

When you finally arrived at your suite, you opted for a nap to rejuvenate lost time, and fortunately you had been granted the night shift at what was beginning to feel like your new part-time job. You slept soundly without distractions for the next few hours, and once you awoke, a necessary shower was in your presence.

It wasn’t until you stepped out of the shower that you noticed your phone buzzing on the counter, paired with an unknown caller ID at the top of the screen. Normally, you’d ignore it, wait for the ringing to stop and carry on with whatever plans you had for the day, but since Bonten had a particular way of wiring your phone, to say the least, who knew what business you could be called in for.

“Hello?” You hold the phone between your ear and shoulder as you drape the towel around your dampened body. A soft voice projects through the other line, so gentle as though it were merely a whisper. “Is this Y/N?”

You move on to heading out the bathroom and into the bedroom where you set the phone on speaker and begin to apply your smell-goods. “Mhm, what’re you calling for?” There’s a brief bout of silence from the other side until the familiarity of hearing that docile tone vacated and it was replaced by a deeper, brasher timbre. “Y’not busy, are ya? Gotta race in a minute ‘nd ‘m losin’ motivation, sweetheart.” The sentiment of the pet name had heat surging through your body.

This must’ve been what Rindou was talking about. And to think all that talk about needing to “stick close by his side” because the others were bound to want you, was just a scheme to be possessive. Maybe actually listening to Bonten could teach you a few things.

You weren’t dumb as to not realize who was on the phone. It clicked for you the moment you heard his voice. He was your Boss’s friend, the one you reigned attractive against the others in the photos he’d shown you. Mikey had warned you that he was an unpredictable man, but seeing as Sanzu was someone you dealt with on a daily basis (regardless of if you wanted to or not), Baji was nothing.

Surely, you weren’t too busy with anything, and a quick welcome visit couldn’t hurt. “Not busy at all. Which room are you in, Keisuke?”

Fucking hell. Just how cute can you get? Kei tries his hardest to not let the grin on his features go noticed, or to not let the excitement rush straight to his dick, yet he fails at both. “Na, Kazutora..” You could hear him on the other end calling for Tora’s attention. “What room are we in?”

You couldn’t hear Tora’s response over the phone but luckily Baji was gracious enough to repeat it a second time, not necessarily just for you to hear; but for emphasis. An allure, roughly.

Room 602 — Who knows what’s to come?

Luckily, you were provided with the cutest checkered set, a gift from Ran Haitani himself—complete with a teensy tiny skirt and tight little crop top that left no part of your chest to the imagination. Truly adorable, the way it had fit your body, the uneasy feeling of bareness waning away once you stepped into your platform Miu Miu heels.

After some twirling in the mirror, you felt ready enough to make your way to their suite. You knocked gently against the lacquered door, in contrast to how sturdy, heavy almost, it felt underneath your knuckles. The handle turns and the door is pulled from the inside, revealing the men who occupied the area.

They had to be over 6’0, the both of them. You weren’t expecting to be towered over within the first ten seconds of arriving, it was evident on their features that they found you rather cute. The one you came to recognize as Baji was posted against the wall with his arms crossed, sharp eyes taking you in gradually. Hmm, intimidating.

The other held the door open, a soft close-eyed smile on his face. Ran would make the same expression with you at times too. A dark mole near his right eye gave him a more feminine look in comparison to the raven haired male a foot behind him. He seemed friendly, this must’ve been the carrier of the dulcet voice you heard from before.

“Cute outfit, that what you’re wearing tonight?” Baji queries, relaxing his stance in the slightest. Kazutora pulls the door in more, allowing you ample room to slip past him and to shut the door behind you. It takes a while for you to slowly nod while taking in the view of their room. Bonten really outdid themselves when coming up with floor plans for the hotel because every inch of each square foot seemed to be crafted specifically to fit their divine tastes. Nevertheless, a golden view of the water from the window situated in the living space. “I’ll try not to ruin it then.” Huh? What does he mean by that?

Your focus hastily snaps back to the man before you, a sinister smirk quirking at his lips that reveals two sharp… fangs? He’s far more frightening in person.

A hand on your wrist enthusiastically guides you to their room, it’s Kazutora, sitting you down amongst the bedsheets. Baji follows behind him, sitting across from you two. “Tora, relax. You’ll scare her.” You giggle at Keisuke’s assertiveness, receiving an eyebrow raise from him as soon as the airy chuckles reach his ears. “‘m not scared.” You respond, hands placed over your bare thighs.

“You’re so cute, like a doll. You’d let us get to know you a bit?” Kazutora’s voice resonates from the side of you he sat beside. You turn to look at him only now noticing his golden-hued eyes.

Very pretty.

“Of course.” Your response came out in a reassuring tone, the pair falling harder and harder for you as each second passes. Kazutora’s hands wrap around your waist to pull you closer to him, the tips of his fingers dancing dangerously close to your inner thighs.

“You gotta boyfriend?” He sing-songs. Baji leans in closer despite only being two feet away, his hands folded and rested over his lap. “Not technically.” You chime out, feeling as though you’ll go dizzy from the tantalizing scent of the man beside you.

“Not technically?” It’s Baji’s voice you hear now. “I mean, ‘m not with Bonten, but sometimes they treat me like a girlfriend.” Which wasn’t far from the truth. Your relationship with Bonten could be described as something similar to a friends with benefits ordeal. Not quite, but not far off.

“Your little boyfriends would probably be disappointed if they found out you were here, huh?” In response to Baji’s question, you shake your head. “They don’t have to know.”

So perfect and so fucking dumb. What did they do to deserve you?

Kazutora’s hand trails up your abdomen, to your sternum, and right under your jaw where he grips your throat with the lightest pressure and angles your head upwards to meet his eyes.

Those same friendly orbs from before diminished into something colder, with the faintest hint of mirth behind them. “Be honest with me, pretty baby. Who do ya think is gonna win today’s race? Me, or Keisuke?”

Hypnosis is what it felt like when you stared into his eyes, attempting to muster up an answer that would satisfy both parties, although you just… didn’t know. Kei’s eyes narrow as they land on Tora’s, the quick glance they give each other filled with devilry.

“I-I don’t know.” You give him your final resolve. Kazutora releases his grip on you and moves his hands back to your thighs, slightly pushing them open to reveal the barely there panties you wore underneath your skirt. “Don’t know?” Hanemiya’s voice is whispered against the shell of your ear, the warmth of his breath sending shivers down your spine. “How ‘bout we show you? You’d like that?” Hands that were previously between your thighs find themselves tugging down your little shirt, kneading the flesh of your tits softly. You elicit a low whine, nodding your head as Baji situates himself between your thighs, using his sharp teeth to pull the fabric of your panties down until they hang off one ankle.

“Imma make ya feel fucking good.” His eyes lock onto yours as he uses his tongue to switch between flicking and sucking at your clit. Kazutora settles behind you, allowing you to somewhat rest against his back while he continuously plays with your nipples.

Baji’s tongue is dangerous, he’s messy. The feeling of the wet muscle in and out of your core causes a docile whine to reverberate from your throat. He keeps your shaky legs open with his large, calloused hands, his pointed nose inadvertently aiding in the pleasure stemming from your clit and the only way you can really react is by bucking your hips up like a desperate whore. You couldn’t help it, he knows he’s too good.

“Kei-Keisuke!” You stutter out, hand moving to tangle in his dark locks, tugging gently. He returns your whine with a groan, speeding up his ministrations which make your hole twitch around him, legs threatening to close any second. From his perspective, you looked like an angel. Everything about you so sweet, cute, and innocent. Just the thought of knowing how other men have had their way with you, gets him harder than a fucking rock.

It’s incredibly messy at this point. Kazutora’s lips take purchase on yours, kissing you sloppy and rough. His fingers pinching and pulling at your nipples cause you to go crazy, just a thread holding you back from your orgasm. You’re so incredibly wet too, Keisuke can’t even tell if the strings of slick dripping down the bedsheets come from his saliva or the growth of your arousal.

You can't take anymore at this point, opting to run away from the pleasure instead of giving in, but Baji’s hands grip hard around the fat of your thighs, keeping you still as he gives you a sharp glance, one that’s only a warning. Kazutora pulls away to recollect his breath, eyes scanning over the scene on display. There’s a dopey grin on his face that you miss as he watches your clit twitch. “Fuck, her pussy’s so pretty!”

“Gonna cum! L-Lemme cum!” Your voice is slurred, hips uncontrollably rutting into Baji’s mouth. He slows the jerking of his own hips against the mattress, pulling away from your heat and replacing the lost feeling with his fingers on your clit. He circles them against the nub with slight pressure, watching how your jaw drops open and sonorous mewls slip out.

“This whatcha wanted? Y’sound so pretty, even that pussy’s talkin’ ta me.”

You were too caught up in your own pleasure to even notice the raunchy squelches of your creamy cunt resonating throughout the room. How embarrassing.

It only takes a few more moments for your body to convulse under the sensation, your juices dripping down Kei’s arm and back arched against Kazutora’s chest. “Atta-fucking-girl! Look at that!” Tora coos. That signature smirk returns back to Baji’s features, mesmerized with the way your pussy pulses in orgasm. “We’re gonna have so much fun witcha tonight.”

Keisuke sits up, kneeling at one side of the bed, repositioning you so that you’re arched nice and pretty for him while Kazutora kneels at the other end, your face millimeters from his cock. Kei wraps five digits around the back of your neck, pulling you towards him to meet his eyes. You stare up at him with those angelic orbs, doe eyes rendering nothing behind them, just pure vacancy while you pout in the slightest, a reaction from his vice-like grip around your throat. “Y’gonna take it all for us?” A quiet mhm is muttered from your throat, Baji beaming down at you with his menacing smile, satisfied with your answer. “Be careful with Tora,” Keisuke lets his grip go and he leans down over you, whispering into your ear, loud enough for the other to hear. “He’s a throat fucker.”

He sits back up straight, unzipping his pants slowly before taking out his hard-on. If only you could see how much Kei leaked, just how huge it was. You could only guess when he teasingly slipped the tip in and out, entertained with the way you stretched around him. Kazutora, on the other hand, slides his length down your throat fully, not giving you any time to adjust to his size. Instinctively, you wrap your lips around his shaft, gradually building up a bobbing rhythm.

Kei wanes his teasing enough when he watches how well you envelop the half-blond. He slowly pushes into you at the hilt, sighing out a deep rasp before practically pounding your hole, leaving you no room to adjust to his massive cock.

God, his dick is fucking heavy. It stretches you out wide enough to the point where you feel as though your cunt can’t take anymore, all while your hands grip the sheets underneath you for leverage that only helps in the slightest. Tora’s hand grips at the hollow of your cheek while you continue to take as much of him as you can. He’s really trying his hardest to not let his hips take control and accept the pleasure you’re languidly giving him, yet he fails, letting his hips reel back and cock slip down your awaiting throat. His thrusts are hard in tandem with Baji’s, both the men using you to get off.

Little tears begin to pool at your waterline which Kazutora finds amusement in, fucking your throat at a faster, wilder pace. Vibrations from your throat shoot through the parameters of his length, eliciting a whimper which follows a groan. “So fuckin’ good, baby..”

A harsh slap stings across your ass once Keisuke finds his rhythm, the warmth and wetness of your hole inviting him in like he was just meant to be there. You wince in response, trying your hardest to not run from the pleasure. “Guess your men are good for something, cause fuck, you take it so well.” His hand slips down partially, enough for his thumb to enter your puckered hole, pumping the digit slowly. From this, your eyes roll into the back of your head, legs starting to feel like jello and even you can’t seem to keep yourself arched for him. “Y’got so tight after that, ‘s like you want me to cum in you.”

Your mind goes hazy, the only thing bouncing around in that empty brain of yours being the need to make a mess. Just the feeling alone of being used like a toy has your core tightening, the sign of your next orgasm. Tora’s grasp on your cheeks reach lower, the taut sensation of his hand now around your neck. He groans while watching as his cock struggles to fit down your throat. He could virtually grab his phone and record how he’s having his way with you, possibly use it for future reference when he’s alone and missing the warmth you give him.

“Ah shit, I think the little thing’s gonna cum. Is that right?” Keisuke goads, using both hands to pull your faltering hips back up. A tiny mhmm is sounded from your throat and he takes his fingers to rub your clit in tight circles. It was almost embarrassing how quickly he coaxed your orgasm from you, spit dripping from your lips and around Tora’s shaft as a sheer layer of your essence coats the entirety of Keisuke’s cock.

The sight of it all has Tora’s eyes crossing and balls tightening, being the first to shoot his load into your mouth. He gradually slows his movements to a halt, pulling from your mouth to give you a chance to finally breathe. You’re gasping, practically choking when air settles back into your lungs, your body shaking from the overstimulation of Baji inside your heat.

There’s a hard thrust, then another before Baji releases inside you, creating a beautiful mosaic of the messes you both made. Quite the artist, he was.

Before you know it, you’re being manhandled into yet another position, this time being ass up for Kazutora and face to cock with Baji. Just how much stamina do these guys have?

Kazutora’s first to slip in, a more fucked out moan leaving his lips when he observes the way his cock slips easily into your cunt. You’re so fucking wet, he can’t think straight. Baji lines his length up with your lips, shallowly pushing in. “Just the tip, sweetheart. Wanna see if you know how to control yourself.” You wrap your lips around his plush tip, sucking harshly.

Tora finally starts to move. You’re just too fucking wet he can’t help it when he’s already getting carried away, fucking you senseless. Such a mess on his cock, he’s lost.

It was easier to take in as much as Baji prohibited but with the trajectory of Hanemiya’s thrusts, you’re going past your limit.

“Kazutora, slow the fuck down. You got her chokin’ on my cock more than she usually does” Baji hisses out, vexation fueling his arousal. Even though it wasn’t your fault, you’d probably apologize if you could, let the man before you know that you were totally capable of at least trying to keep control. Much to no avail, Kazutora refuses to ease up, instead letting pleasure overrun his senses.

It was loud. The sounds of skin slapping, mixtures of whining and groaning, anyone from outside the door could probably walk past and hear just how cute you sounded getting fucked out your mind. Maybe that’s what they wanted, the whole establishment to know that you weren’t just Bonten’s little slut, but theirs too.

The next few moments whizz by like nothing, your hole getting stuffed for a second time and your tongue met with the acrid flavor of cum. You’re splayed across the bed, heaving for air with fatigue growing inside you hastily. “So, who d’ya think was better? Me or Kei?” It’s that giddy tone that lets you know it’s Kazutora speaking. Both the men seem unaffected from the previous situations yet you're the one left winded. “Both..You both were really, really good.”

Kazutora makes a buzzer-like sound, as if you’d been mistaken in your resolve. “Wrong! There’s only one winner.” Baji scoffs at Kazutora’s antics, checking the time on his phone. “We should probably head out, seems like races’ll start soon.”

“Do me a favor, baby..” Baji’s words hang off the tip of his tongue purposefully as he makes his way to you, standing you up and adjusting your outfit back in place. “Be good and keep our cum stuffed in this tight little hole, or else your boyfriends’ll be real upset.”

He tilts his head in a mocking manner and you nod along.

A quick wave of goodbye and wishes of “good luck!” leave your lips as you finally leave the BajiTora abode. Tonight’s race should be interesting one.

— In the end, it was Kazutora who reigned victorious, leaving Baji to his first defeat. The victor didn’t matter to them, they just enjoyed it; enjoyed being together whenever they could. For sure, Chifuyu would have to hear about this once they get back home.

After your limited experience of waving around a flag while trying to keep your panties from revealing too much, you grew tired, quite frankly. There had to be other things to do once races completed.

“Wonder what Koko’s doing!”

[crazy-ache]

Jane Eyre x Elucien Parallels (In-Depth Meta)

We've been told SJM loves the book Jane Eyre and we know that she has made some literary references to the novel in her own writing. For example, the most commonly known Elucien allusion is the one below:

Elain in ACOWAR:  “It felt… strange,” Elain breathed. “Like you pulled on a thread tied to a rib.”

Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre: “I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I'm afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I'd take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, you'd forget me.”

This parallel is a HUGE clue. Now, let me explain why the story of Jane Eyre is very well a map for what Elucien's central themes are likely going to explore in their book.

Could SJM be using Jane Eyre as a model for Elain's character and hero journey? Yes, I do. Here is why.

Let me describe Jane in a nutshell for you: she was someone who came from a difficult and isolated childhood and who used her meekness and reserved nature to fit into circumstances. However, we learn she is a smart, witty, innocent, stubborn, and feminine female protagonist. Despite all the societal and religious pressures to marry a husband, Jane was insistent she would only marry for true love.

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will.” ― Jane in Jane Eyre “Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” When Nesta flinched, Elain said, “You can't have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.”

....when I was reflecting on that, I was hit with a wow that is Elain Archeron if I have ever seen anything.

Jane Eyre is a story of Fate, Love, and Autonomy. Just like Elucien.

Without getting too wordy, let me summarize a few things for folks who never read the novel.

The connection described between Jane and Rochester is one of fate. Jane and Rochester fall in love from the start because he treats her as equal, but their marriage is thwarted because Rochester is still married to Bertha Mason (the madwoman in his attic).

Even though she loves him, she has complicated feelings about marriage. She is afraid of the restraints and expectations that will be placed on her if she were to marry.

She leaves him for some time and they endure a long period of separation. In that time she meets St John who will also propose to her, but is meant to represent dutiful marriage without true love and warmth. St John was described as a cold love, whereas Rochester was described as fire.

Eventually, she realizes she wants true love above all else, and returns to Rochester. He has lost his wife by then and it is only then that they are free to finally marry and live together as equals in love.

OKAY. That is definitely an oversimplification but I needed to lay it out for our road map. Let's compare now.

Elain and Lucien shared a fated connection created by the Mother with their mating bond. We also know that a long period of their relationship is defined by their separation where Lucien goes to find Vassa and maintains his distance from Elain out of respect of her feelings.

We know Elain likely has complicated feelings about the bond. She says to Feyre, "I don't want a mate. I don't want a male." She is resisting the bond with Lucien. While we don't have her POV yet, I imagine it has to do with resisting something that she doesn't understand, that is taking away her autonomy in love, and influencing her fate for her.

Elain is likely also going to have two marriage prospects, just as Jane did. We know of her engagement to Graysen, who was described as "kind enough" by Nesta and later rejected her horribly. This marriage would have been similar to St John - one more out of duty for status and safety and marked by coldness. Whereas we have Lucien, with fire in his blood, and a warm personality, which is what Jane described true love to be like.

What is keeping Elain and Lucien apart? Bertha Mason.

Bertha, Rochester's wife and mad woman in the attic, was a symbol of Jane's suppressed emotions and inner conflict in regards to Jane's marriage to Mr. Rochester. She represented what Jane feared the most of traditional marriage at that time--becoming trapped and isolated and mad by the female expectations of society and religion.

It was only once Bertha was gone that they could have their Happily Ever After. (It's important to note she perished in a fire.) Her absence was a physical representation of Jane losing her reservations about marriage and fully becoming sure of herself in confidence, status, and her DECISION to pick to true love.

Which tells me that Elain will return and love Lucien only after her own reservations of the mating bond are addressed. Maybe fire will even be involved/symbolic burning of their obstacles (which would be so fitting for our fireling). I think there is also an added layer that Elain wants more from life than what is expected of her by the Inner Circle, which is hinted at throughout ACOSF.

SJM told us herself in an interview:

“I’m not going to say if I am exploring it in future books or not, but it definitely offers a wealth of things to explore with this concept of freewill and what is true love. Is it something that’s destined? Or is it something that you make? Is it both?”

If she is truly influenced by Jane Eyre, we know the answer. When it comes to Elucien, it's both.

Other Symbols of Jane Eyre in Elucien

A few more interesting parallels I found:

Mr. Rochester gifts Jane a pearl necklace upon his first proposal. Jane refuses to wear it and even leaves it behind. "I left that; it was not mine: it was the visionary bride’s who had melted in air." Notice she rejected not because she doesn't like Rochester or the gift itself, but because what it symbolizes. A bride.

Lucien gave Elain pearl earrings for Solstice. She could barely thank him and we never know if she wears it. I am going to infer that Elain rejects the gift (with silence and indifference) because she is terrified of what it represents...of her accepting the bond between them. I found it so interesting SJM chose to use pearls and have them react very similarly.

Jane Eyre is filled with literary symbols of Fire vs Ice, with fire representing passion and true love, and ice representing duty and cold love.

Lucien could very well be a living symbol of fiery, passionate love ("Autumn Court males have fire in their blood—and they fuck like it, too" anyone??) Graysen and Azriel could also be symbols of that "icy, cold" love in comparison to Lucien.

We also cannot forget that Mr. Rochester waited and waited for Jane to return. Just as Lucien is waiting for Elain to be ready.

In Conclusion...

Let me leave you with one more piece of evidence to convince you. In Jane Eyre, Jane says this of Rochester once she has finally decided to be with him:

"All my heart is yours, sir; it belongs to you; and with you it would remain, were fate to exile the rest of me from your presence forever.”

In ACOWAR, we have this moment between Elain and Graysen:

"I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you.” Graysen’s face hardened. “I don’t want it.”

Elain will eventually realize her heart belongs to Lucien Vanserra. And he will give her the true love, peace, and happiness she has always wished for her entire life.

“When I sleep,” she murmured, “I can hear your heart beating through the stone.” She angled her head, as if the city view held some answer. “Can you hear mine?" He wasn’t sure if she truly meant to address him, but he said, “No, lady. I cannot.”

Lucien's heart already belongs to Elain. Likely since the moment their bond snapped, which is why she can hear his heart.

In their book, Elain will give her heart to Lucien, as it belongs to him. And has likely always belonged to him.

[skarkkk]

First. Finally this thing with the councilwoman is over, I hated that woman. Like, you lost a son, I understand, but then you're going to punish a child and people who have nothing to do with it for a choice HE made?

Second. Gerrard, I never hated you (lie).

Third. I was right, I knew that this exchange of Bobby coming home and Gerrard as a consultant for the show was going to happen.

Fourth. Now that Brad won't be appearing anymore (I liked him), does that mean we're going to get more of Ravi? Because I want at least one episode begin with him.

Fifth. "Your son almost died and you weren't there." Tsunami? The surgeries he missed? (I think he missed them, I don't remember if those 3 he mentions in season two happen after he goes with Eddie, but I think it was before). The earthquake? And in the opposite direction, that Eddie almost died so many times and if that had happened he wouldn't be there for his own son. I loved that he admitted his guilt (and the mention of his mustache in that scene with Bobby, even though I like his mustache) and I hope so much to see more scenes with Chris, who has every right to walk away but I hate not seeing them as a happy family.

Sixth. I don't care if the endgame is Tommy with Buck, because I actually like him, but I'm still going to wait for Buddie until the end, ABC has already made one of our dreams come true, they can make another one.

Seventh. I also loved the comedy in this episode, Chim shooting, "and he touches me" + "no, not like that" and that Mara finally got back to her family (I miss Nia).

Eighth. I loved that there were mentions of Eddie's time in the army, even if they were minimal, and I need more. Maybe a situation where he is forced to literally fight for his life or someone else's (maybe Buck's? Here comes Buddie), or maybe he gets hurt and Chris only finds out after he leaves the hospital because Eddie's parents didn't say anything (I know these two are adding fuel to the fire for Chris's separation from Eddie, I just know) and decides he wants to get back together even though everything isn't resolved yet.

Ninth. I'm dying for that episode whose title references the mask. I don't remember exactly.

I love doing these "episode studies" even if no one gives a damn.

Now I need to find the new Doctor Odyssey EP to watch it too.

[starry-eyes-love]

Chapter 5: Woodland Fun

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader (18+, Minors DNI), Post-outbreak

Summary | Joel Miller thinks you are a complicated, irritating, and frustrating woman. You're the reason he can't sleep, can't work, and can't do anything without thinking about you. So for once, he gives in to his own urges and lets himself have you in his mind. What he didn't expect was for you to come storming into his personal space yet again. This time though he doesn't think he can stop himself from having you, but he's going to try.

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI. Smut (a lot), language, male and female masturbation, mutual masturbation with each other, dry humping, fingering (male & female), edging, daddy kink, fluff (if you squint), major argument with angst, yelling, a lot of dirty talk, pet names (little girl, baby, honey, old man, etc.), kissing, body description without being too specific, referencing past trauma, referencing sex with his ex-wife, referencing pregnancy with ex-wife (if you squint), infidelity reference, fertility issues reference (if you squint). Don't know how this happened but this is mostly smut/porn of one version or another (sorry, not sorry). Just know, you have been warned. Enjoy :)

Word Count: 10.3 K (not sorry)

Joel needed to let off some major steam, he needed to give in to this urge in his mind to have you the way he needed to. Just this once, he thought, just this once I get her the way I want her. Then that's it. As he slowly took himself in his hand he felt himself throb painfully. To try to curb his arousal a bit, he gently squeezed the base

Over the next month life seemed to slowly settle into somewhat of a comfortable domestic routine between the three of you.  Ellie and you continued to go through storage areas; collecting clothes, games, and supplies. You also worked on trying to start growing seeds in the house, which proved to be very difficult in the beginning of winter. Periodically you would collect and chop firewood also.  Joel would set and check traps, scout the area, fix the roof and the siding, help chop firewood, and hunt for food.  At night the three of you would sit around the fireplace and talk, play board games that either you or Ellie found, or read in silence.  Joel and you still maintained separate bedrooms when it came to the sleeping arrangements. He said sleeping together right away would just muddy the waters of a relationship.  Basically, everything continued to be the same with Joel as before. The only difference was that once in a while he’d give you a quick peck on the lips when Ellie wasn’t looking.  Nothing ever transpired besides that, and if you were being honest, it was incredibly frustrating.  You understood why Joel didn’t want to have sex right away, but you wanted and needed something more from him.  A hand hold, the ability to cuddle; heck even for him to check you out, something.  You were beginning to believe that Joel Miller was a man of all talk, and very little do.

“Hey dude, like I think that dish is clean,” Ellie said while you were washing the dishes.

“Oh yeah, sorry" you stated. "I was just lost in thought.”

“You were like lost in thought for 10 minutes cleaning that same dish, what gives?" she teased. "Are there problems in the love department again?"

“Love department? Again? Ellie, I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you tried to say without giving your voice away.

“Pleeease. I may be younger than you, but I ain’t stupid” she told you.  “I know you have a thing for Joel, and honestly he has a huge thing for you. But ever since the two of you have decided to do this dating shit, which by the way is soooo stupid. You both haven’t been the same, and it’s annoying really.”

“Ellie, I don’t know what you’re…wait. Who said we were dating?” you asked her with a puzzled expression.

“Oh come on, I heard the two of you the night Joel woke up moaning in bed. He woke the whole damn house up with all of that moaning that he was doing. I honestly laid in my bed feeling sorry for him, thinking that he was, you know, thinking about his daughter or somethin’. But then I heard ya and what he told you," Ellie said with a shake to her head.  "Then I finally thought that the two of you were gonna give in to that animal heat phase thing or somethin’, and ya know- maybe fuck it out. But nope, dry as the desert'' Ellie said while laughing out loud shaking her head more.

“Well, it’s not from a lack of trying on my end," you quipped to her in defense.

“Oh I know" she said, tapping your shoulder a few times. "I gave Joel advice about it 2 weeks ago, of how to go about dating cause it’s been awhile for him. Kinda pathetic really, if you ask me.” Ellie said while huffing out a sigh. “Apparently he didn’t listen to a damn thing that I told him,” she states, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“What did you tell him?” you ask nervously.

“That he shouldn’t think about it. That he just needs to talk to you, spend some time with you. Teach you something and then just, I don’t know. Give in to what his body is trying to tell him, and then just ya know, do it” she said.

After a moment of standing there and processing the information you couldn’t help but get frustrated.  You thought that Joel was trying to hide things from Ellie. But in reality he was asking her for advice on how to get to know you, when he could just ask you instead.  Not that a teenager couldn’t give him advice, but goddamnit, you were right here.  You could tell him what you liked, because after all, you knew yourself better than anyone else.

Ellie could sense your frustration and anger rising to the surface. She went to try to defuse the situation fast, because honestly, she didn’t like it when your temper got the better of you.  “Look, y/n. Try doing something that teases him, ya know. Like try coaxing that stubborn man out of his shell by forcing his brain into rut season like a deer or somethin,'” she said softly, trying to encourage you.

“Rut season like a deer? Wow, that’s a new one Ellie, Jesus” you said while shaking your head laughing. 

“Yeah I know, thought of it myself” Ellie commented while giving you her typical big Ellie grin. “But no seriously y/n, do something that turns him on. Or at least gets him to look at you. Go out and chop firewood.  He told me that your ass looks nice doin’ it.”

“He told you my ass looks nice chopping firewood?” you say, somewhat puzzled of why a 50+ year old man would say that to a teenage girl.

“Well no, he didn’t exactly say it directly to me,” Ellie reassured you.  “He was looking at you chopping firewood about 2 weeks ago and said to himself ‘damn it woman, you’re gonna be the death of me with those tight pants on that nice ass of yours,'” Ellie said trying to mimic Joel’s scowl that he does.  

After a moment of silence where you kept fiddling with your hands, Ellie approached you and said, “Y/N, go and chop firewood for Papa Bear. He’s tense and needs something to unwind with. So give that old man a show, just don't give him a heart attack.”  She said laughing while walking away down the hall.

You decided to finish washing the dishes first, while mulling over everything that Ellie had told you.  You knew from previous interactions with Joel that he does love it when you give him a little sass, and when you help him with some of the heavy lifting. Sure, he calls you a smartass while you're doing it, and tells you to stop being so difficult. But nevertheless, you do know that he appreciates your help.  

“Hey, I think I’m gonna go and chop some firewood for awhile" you yell down the hall at Ellie after you finish the dishes. "We’re getting kinda low in here.” As you exit the cabin you grab the axe that was sitting outside and glance over to the area where Joel usually has firewood pieces to chop up.  When you noticed that there weren’t any pieces to chop, you decided to go out into the woods and chop down a tree.  You’ve never chopped down a tree before, and honestly you had no idea what you were doing. But you figured that you’d have to learn sometime.  It can't be that hard, you thought to yourself. 

As you approached the woods you glanced back towards the house to see if you could spot Joel working outside. When you didn’t see him, you figured he must have be checking traps, or hunting for food. After traveling into the woods, you found a tree that you believed you could chop down easily. As you approached the tree you said out loud to yourself, "Ellie, you better be right about him loving my ass as I do this." As you started to pull back the axe you said to yourself "well here goes nothing," and just before you moved to hit the tree you heard a Southern drawl behind you speak up.  

Joel had been out scouting and checking traps all day. He had gotten up early and left the cabin by himself, wanting to have some alone time. This domestic dating life shit was getting on his nerves. Not that he didn't like being with you, that was never the problem. The problem was he desperately wanted to fuck you all the time, and he couldn't do that with Ellie always being around. He also didn't know if you were just looking for a one-time quick lay, or if you truly were serious about a relationship. 

As Joel walked around and checked the traps he kept thinking about you and the interactions the two of you have had. He couldn't stop thinking about how soft you had felt underneath him, or the first time the two of you had sex. He internally hated himself for how desperate he was, and how he didn't give you any proper attention before he fucked you. Joel also knew that you were the reason for his constant worry, his lack of sleep, tense muscles, and a deep ache that he couldn't relieve. He knew he felt something for you, but he didn't know if it was true love, or just infatuation. 

Joel thought that if he was a better man, he would tell you that he was too old for you, that he couldn't be with you, that he'd stop and leave you alone. But Joel wasn't a good man. He pined after you, had a deep urge to be with you, not just physically. He knew he couldn’t stay away from you or stifle his feelings for you much longer. At the end of the day, Joel wanted you. He had a deep urge to have you, to claim you as his, and to ruin you for every goddamn man in the future that thought they could have you. His need to claim you grew stronger with each passing day, and it was getting harder for him to ignore.

Joel noticed that he was almost back to the cabin. He was in a small pine grove near the edge of the woods, close to where the yard would start. Joel knew these woods here like the back of his hand, wanting to know how the land changed just in case trouble came around. He always had a need to keep both you and Ellie safe, so each day he’d hike around and get to know the terrain. Today was quiet and peaceful in the woods, something that was a rarity. Joel, desperately needing to sit down and take a break for himself, wandered over to a pine tree and sat down. As he sat against the pine tree, his thoughts kept drifting to you, and he felt himself slowly harden inside his pants. "I'm old enough to be her damn father, she's too young for me", he said sternly to himself, which did nothing to curb the slow throb that came from his hardening cock. He sat back and closed his eyes as he slowly palmed himself in the front of his jeans. He tried to think of anything else or anyone else besides you. But the truth was, he didn't want anyone else. He only wanted you, laid underneath him and willing for him to do what he wanted. He wondered how you’d taste. Would you be sweet like honey, or a tangy citrus flavor? Would you beg for his cock or beg for him to come inside your tight little pussy, or inside your mouth? 

No. She’s irritating, aggravating, and a pain in my ass, he thought to himself, trying to will away his erection. But even then, when he focused on your sassy attitude and your confidence, it turned him on even more.  He didn't want to admit it, but he loved your demeanor. He loved your challenging behavior, that you weren't afraid to stand up to him. He saw that you had a fire in your soul, and that fire called to him like a siren that had found her next victim. He wasn't stupid, he knew you'd be the death of him. That if he got too close, he'd never be able to escape. 

The more Joel sat there thinking about you: the curve of your ass, the shape of your breasts, and the feel of your mouth against his; the harder he got. All of these thoughts set a fire in his veins and sent a bolt of electricity to his cock. With a sigh he said, "Just this once I’m gonna do this to blow off some steam thinkin’ about her." As Joel took out his aching and throbbing member he saw that he was already leaking precum from his slit. "Fuck" he groaned to himself at how worked up he already was with just thinking about you. He hadn't even touched himself yet. "This ain't gonna last long," he said with a small shake to his head. 

Joel needed to let off some major steam, he needed to give in to this urge in his mind to fuck you the way he needed to. Just this once, he thought, just this once I get her the way I want to fuck her. Then that's it. As he slowly took himself in his hand he felt himself throb painfully. To try to curb his arousal a bit, he gently squeezed the base of his cock. As he did, he heard himself let out a long groan and he felt himself pulse within his hand. After taking another moment to settle himself, he found himself spitting into his hand and slowly sliding it up and down his shaft. He lightly ran his thumb over the swollen tip where he saw precum collecting and as he did he heard himself hiss at the sensation. “Fuck man, you gotta get this under control or you ain't gonna last long,” he said out loud continuing to slowly stroke himself. After a few more pumps he reached down with his other hand and gently cupped and massaged his balls, fantasizing that it was you doing it. 

As he continued to stroke himself, he thought about your mouth and how good it would feel for you to suck him off. Would he be able to deep throat you, and would you love it? He also thought about your hands and how good they would feel stroking his cock. He wondered how many other men you had been with, was he the biggest? Finally, he thought about your tight little hole. God he wanted to lap at it, suck it, and tongue fuck it. He knew from the first time he fucked you how tight you were. But this time he wanted to really take his time to explore you with his tongue, his fingers, and then with his rock hard throbbing cock.

"Fuck", Joel said to himself. "God baby, I need your pussy so badly” he moaned out loud to himself as he stroked himself faster and faster at the thought of you. “Yeah, come on baby girl. Just like that. Come on, baby. Fuck daddy just like that," Joel said while pumping his hand faster and faster. He was imagining fucking up into you the way he needed, with your legs wrapped around him, riding him hard and fast. He was thrusting so hard up into his hand, moaning and grunting to himself at the image of you fucking him that he knew that he was almost there, right on the edge chasing his high, a few more pumps before finally being able to blow his load the way he needed to. “Fuck y/n. Come on, mama. That’s right, fuck me” he said moaning hard as he continued.  “God damn it y/n, I want you so fucking bad right now. Please be a good girl and just fuck my cock, please baby” he panted, wanting you to be in front of him right now so bad, for you to fuck him hard. He wanted to hold on your hips and help you move your hips back and forth as he fucked you deep.  

“Yes, yes, yes” he panted, and just before he finally tipped over the edge he heard a loud “snap” of a tree branch.  Immediately Joel froze, looking through the trees to see who it was as his dick throbbed hard in his hand.  When he didn’t hear it again after a bit, he turned back to slowly give himself a few more pumps, thinking to himself “fuck man, ya gotta make this quick.”  As he started pumping his fist faster, he felt that same heat build up in his spine.  God, he was edging himself too much today, but he didn’t care, he needed release.  He hadn’t touched himself or let himself have an orgasm since the last time he fucked you.  He was desperate for release again. As Joel continued he thought of you again, and he felt himself get right on the edge once again before he heard another “snap” of a branch.  This time when Joel looked through the trees he saw someone walking through the woods, and he instantly froze thinking, who the fuck is that?

He sat there quiet, slowly tucking himself back in his pants and slowly reaching for his rifle as he watched the person walk closer to him. When you came into view and he saw that it was you, he became incredibly frustrated and said "Are ya fucking kidding me? The universe must be run by a goddamn woman, and that bitch must fucking hate me, cause she won't ever let me come." 

Frustrated Joel focused himself on taking a few slow and steady breaths. “Later, I'll finish this later" he told himself under protest. He tried to force himself to calm down the rest of the way before he was going to speak with you, because right now he didn’t think he could stop himself from stripping your clothes off and fucking you the way he was just fantizing about doing moments ago.

As Joel sat there watching you approach, he heard you mumbling to yourself. When you made the comment about Joel liking your ass with chopping firewood, it honestly piqued his interest. You weren't wrong per se, Joel did find your ass very attractive. However, he didn't need an excuse like chopping firewood to admire it. As Joel sat back observing you, he noticed that you were so focused and lost in your own head that you never saw him sitting there on the ground while you walked past. You continued to mumble to yourself about how much of a jackass Joel was, with that comment Joel shook his head thinking smartass. You also complained out loud that you too had needs that he wasn't fulfilling. He heard your comments about how unsatisfied that you were as a woman, and how you wanted him to touch you. You also voiced to yourself how frustrated you were with him that he wasn’t fulfilling all of your needs either. As Joel heard your statements, he quietly whispered to himself, “same thing here darlin', I'm just as fucking frustrated.”

When Joel heard you admit that you had no idea how to chop down a tree, he smiled to himself. He thought it was cute that you admitted out loud to yourself that you didn’t know what the hell you were doing, but you wanted to impress your man, a man named Joel. When Joel heard that, he felt a rush of blood go to his ego, and go someplace else too. So with a smirk on his face, he welcomed the show that he was sure you were about to give him with your ass, especially when they were placed in those tight pants. "Alright, baby. Show daddy what ya got" he whispered.

The longer you mumbled to yourself, the more he saw you move your weight back and forth between your feet. Those tight pants fit you nicely around your ass, and accentuated every curve you had. Joel wasn't a religious man, but today he was thanking God for being able to stay hidden in the shadows to just enjoy the show you were giving him. The longer you bent over and stood up repeatedly, the harder it was for Joel to get control of his ragging hormones and the strong urge to fuck you right here in the woods. He knew he couldn't act on it, but the urge to hold you, bend you over, and claim you as his was strong within him. He quietly adjusted his pants, reminding himself that he didn't have a claim like that over you. He took a few steadying breaths, but when he saw you bring the axe back, he knew you weren't going to hit shit with that stance. So with a smirk on his face he decided to speak and teach you a lesson. If you were going to be the fantasy of his dreams tonight, you might as well do it right, and not hurt yourself.

Right before you swung the axe you heard Joel say, “Darlin', I don’t think that’s the wisest idea there. Ya might wanna rethink what you’re tryin' to do.” You hadn’t known that Joel was sitting in the shadows behind you. You were so stuck in your own head that you never really looked around to view your surroundings to see who or what was present. You didn’t dare admit that to Joel, as you didn't want to start another argument with him. So sarcastically you said out loud, “yeah well, why is that Joel?”

When you didn’t hear him answer you right away, you turned around slowly to see where he was. With your senses heightened, you were trying to determine why he didn’t respond to you right away. All you hoped for was that he hadn't been bitten. When your eyes met his and you saw him sitting relaxed up against a tree, you were deeply surprised. He was looking at you with a shitty smirk on his face, like he was enjoying the show you were about to give him. Truly he looked relaxed and you had no idea why. As you glared at him with frustration at his easy posture, you noticed that he was slowly looking you up and down. When you caught him staring at your ass, you cocked your head and raised one eyebrow saying “I asked you a question Miller, don’t make me ask you again.”

Joel narrowed his eyes at the sass that you just gave him out of your mouth. God that mouth, he thought, what I’d love to do to that filthy mouth.  Joel felt his pants tighten once again at the thought about him fucking your mouth. He hadn’t had a woman’s mouth on him in so long that the mere thought of you doing it made him hard and weeping precum yet again. He knew he had to calm down before he lost all rational thought with you, and force you on your knees to suck him off.

As Joel stood up, he brushed the snow off from his pants, checked his rifle, and then turned away to re-adjust the front of him.  When he turned back around he saw that you were staring at his half hardened bulge still prominent in his jeans. He took in a long inhale, and as he exhaled he said “nothin' good ever comes from that darlin.’”

You were so lost in thought staring at the man in front of you that you never heard what he said. You were too focused on admiring Joel's manly features. Joel Miller was truly an amazing specimen. He had thick biceps that his jacket hugged nicely. He had powerful thighs that you knew could hold a woman up and fuck her properly. His hips and ass were perfect, sculpted by the Gods. He also had beautiful eyes. God you could get lost in those dark chocolate brown eyes. His lips, you already knew, felt amazing against your body. And his tongue, one you hoped would break you into submission again real soon.  

The longer you looked at Joel, the more you felt your body crave the man that was standing here before you. You knew Joel had said something to you, but honestly you were so lost in your own fantasy that you never heard what he said. As you came back down to Earth you shook your head saying “what?” with somewhat of a puzzled expression on your face.

Joel noticed your staring, and he didn’t care because he was doing his own staring too. Your slightly rosey cheeks, mouth slightly parted as you licked your plump soft lips, eyes fixed at the bulge in his pants. If he wanted to he could just walk over there and grab you by the- Fuck man, get it together and stop this shit right now, he thought to himself as he shook his head trying to clear his own mind.  After closing his eyes and taking a few breaths to steady himself he said while clearing his throat, “you’re gonna hurt yourself if ya continue." When you furrowed your brows further Joel added, “your form darlin’, your form is off. If ya hit that tree with that axe the way you’re holding it, you’re gonna hurt your shoulder and your back.”

You looked down at the axe that you were holding somewhat puzzled, and you realized that you were in way over your head. You felt embarrassed that you weren’t holding it right.  Here you were trying to impress the man in front of you, and you didn’t even think to ask Ellie if there was a technique required to do any of this.  You thought you could just grab the axe, swing it, and it’d work. While looking at the axe you felt stupid, and you felt that Ellie had set you up for where you were the butt of a funny joke yet again. Ellie knew how to chop down a tree because Joel showed her.  She also knew that it was a skill you had never learned before. So here you were, trying to make Joel think of you as a sexy, strong, and capable woman who could pull her own weight, when all you were doing was making a fool out of yourself.

You began to shuffle nervously on your feet, looking down and away from Joel when you said “I-I didn’t know. Um- I just thought-”

Joel could tell that you were upset, and turning slightly inward at the realization that you didn’t know what you were doing.  He hated when you turned inward like this because you weren’t completely wrong in what you were doing, just your form was a little messy.  As Joel approached you, he watched you back up slowly looking down. He felt anger rise into the pit of his stomach at your reaction.  He has never hurt you, nor treated you like shit in moments of teaching. He hated the fact that David did this to you. David was a piece of shit who had ruined what could have been an amazing moment with you. If that asshole was still alive today, Joel thought, I’d kill him again.   

Joel had realized that his anger was starting to boil to the surface, and that was something that he didn’t want.  He knew you'd take it that he was mad at you, but that wasn't the case.  He hated the circumstances of people hurting you. So he took a deep breath to calm himself while stepping forward to gently grab the axe from you while saying “Here honey, let me show you.” After he took the axe he showed you how to choke up on it before swinging it. He also showed you how to move your hand as you swung it to chop. When he was finished he gave it back to you and told you to try those hand movements. 

With a nod you grabbed the axe back from him. And as soon as you started to go to swing the axe to chop down the tree again you heard Joel say, “darlin’ are you trying to hurt yourself?”

“What Joel, what?” you bit back frustrated at him as you turned to face him. “I’m doing it just like you showed me, so what the hell is wrong now?”

Joel shook his head at your sass.  He was both turned on by it and completely annoyed and irritated by it. “Listen here little girl” he said with a little bite to his voice. “Don’t bite my goddamn head off when I’m tryin’ to help ya. You wanna know what’s wrong, it’s your stance. Your stance is wrong and I’m tryin’ to show ya how to do it right so you don’t go and hurt yourself.”  He stepped towards you and said “ now turn around and position yourself like you are going to swing the axe.”  When you didn’t move right away, he whispered in your ear, “come on darlin’, what are you afraid of?”

“You,” you answered without even thinking. “I’m afraid you’re going to-”

“Hurt ya? No darlin’ I ain’t gonna hurt ya” he said feeling the anger slowly boil underneath the surface yet again.  “I’m not like that piece of shit David. I’m. I’m just trying to help you, ok?” he said with a sigh. “Honey, I may not always be around and I want you to be able to do this right on your own. Ok? Now come on honey, show me”  he said while tucking a piece of hair behind your ear and nudging you forward.

When you didn’t move he said “Baby, come on. Please show me,” while coaxing you to continue.  You felt your heart race with how close this man was to you. It didn’t help that your head was swimming with what Ellie had said to you earlier.  You were flustered and Joel could sense it as you heard him laugh while saying “come on darlin’, show me.”

After a moment you finally found the courage to begin again.  You started to pull back on the axe once again like he showed you, but this time you felt him grab the axe to stop you from swinging it. Joel softly spoke in your ear saying “your legs are wrong baby, spread ‘em for me.”

You felt heat rise up from your spine and spread across your back and neck. Your also felt your face heat up where you could feel sweat starting to form on your brow. You also started breathing harder, almost panting for him.  You felt your underwear become slick, especially when he got closer and you could feel his chest touching your back softly.  He leaned into you closer, and you felt something hard brush up against your backside as he whispered softly into your ear asking you to spread ‘em. He was so soft and yet so commanding with you, and you loved it. You loved his roughness that he could show. God, you were so turned on by him right now but you didn’t think he meant what you thought he meant, so with a shaky breath you said “Wh-what?” 

Joel could tell how turned on you were by him and it gave him a little bit of an ego boost.  He wasn’t intending on playing this type of game with you, but he realized how his words and actions could have been misinterpreted to mean something more. But the fact that you were so flustered for him he wondered how long it had been since you gave yourself any proper attention. By the way your body responded with a simple phrase, he figured it must have been a long time.  And that was something that he needed to rectify with you soon, but not right now.  

But the longer the moment stretched on, and the more he saw your body respond to him, the more turned on Joel was even getting. God he was still so horny, not able to relieve himself fully so the thought of you getting flustered for him sent him into an animalistic nature. He wasn’t thinking clearly when he leaned in and said with a low growl, “You heard me darlin’. I said spread those fucking legs” And with that Joel put his foot in between your legs and forcibly spread your legs further apart, which caused you to almost lose balance. In an attempt to steady yourself you adjusted your hips and happened to press them hard against the front of Joel and that’s when you felt it, the full outline of his cock in his pants. At that moment instinct took ahold of you and you lightly rolled your hips against his hard bulge. 

You heard him give out a low feral growl again as he grabbed your hips while mimicking the same hip roll back into you. Pretty soon you both were panting as Joel started to dry hump you.  You knew he was turned on, begging for relief. God, he’s so fucking hard, what was he doing out here? You thought to yourself.  You started rubbing your ass harder up and down hard into his crotch, trying to give him some relief while working yourself up too.

“Yeah baby, just like that” you heard Joel say behind you.  He grabbed the axe and threw it to the ground.  He then reached around the front of you and pulled you further back into him. He immediately went to the front of your jeans and opened them up and then plunged his fingers, as soon as he felt how wet you were for him you heard him tsk behind you saying “fuck mama, this all for me?”

When you nodded your head frantically he whispered into your ear in a low growl, “good girl, now show me how you can fuck” as he slammed 2 thick fingers into your hot, wet, and throbbing pussy.  As soon as he did that you let out a low moan and frantically started humping his fingers. You felt Joel bite your neck while saying “come on baby, don’t forget to give daddy some attention.”  He angled your hips back again against his hard bulge and helped you get into a rhythm. You continued to hump his fingers while still giving him some much needed friction. “Come on princess, that’s it. Yeah, fuck me” he said while moaning against you as you both where humping each other.  

When your knees started to give out, he lowered you to the ground on all fours as he yanked down your pants further.  The next thing you knew Joel was humping you hard from behind saying “ya know, I saw two wolves the other day fuck like this and I couldn’t stop thinking about doing this to you” he said humping you hard like you both were animal’s in heat. 

“God, put your cock in Joel, fuck” you said rubbing harder against his ass.

“No, only good girls get daddy’s cock, you robbed me of another orgasm sweetheart.  I was a few more pumps from blowing my sweet fucking load before you interrupted me yet again” he said biting hard on the back of your neck. “I haven’t been able to fucking come since I fucked you in that sleeping bag” he admitted finding that the angle wasn’t giving him enough friction that he wanted.  So he quickly grabbed you and yanked your pants the rest of the way off while sitting back down against the tree.  “Well go on, if you wanna fuck so bad, go ahead. Fuck me” he said with blown out pupils.

You stilled and looked at him and said, “huh Joel, baby you need to-”

“Shut up and just do it,” he growled moving your hips back and forth over his hard bulge that was still prominent and fully clothed in his pants.  After the two of you were grinding hard back and forth, you both needed more friction. Joel quickly unbuckled his belt and freed his cock. You watched him slowly start to stroke himself while looking at you in your eyes saying, “fuck baby, what the hell are ya doing t’me? I’m so fucking horny for you that I ain’t thinkin’ clearly anymore baby.”

You watched as Joel slowly stroked his throbbing cock. You knew Joel was trying to figure out how he could stop what was happening, but knowing that he was too worked up to put an end to this.  It looked like it hurt him bad at how much he throbbed and how much precum was leaking from him. You didn’t want an argument so you scooted down his legs and then leaned back and spread your legs to him while slowly running a finger through your wet slick folds says “Joel, I’m just as fucking worked up. And I know you ain’t wanting to fuck, I’d gladly do it though if you wanted.”

When you saw Joel slowly shake his head no while still continuing to slowly stroke himself you said “yeah I didn’t think so.”

You found yourself slowly sticking a finger in your dripping pussy and moaning at the sensation as your eyes rolled back in your head. God, it had been so long since you had a proper orgasm.  When you opened your eyes again you saw Joel looking at you like he was a wolf wanting to devour his meal that was in front of him.  This gave you a boost of self esteem so you said “Joel, I’m so fucking horny, so how about we both do this a bit.  You touch yourself, and I touch myself, and we both give in to the orgasm that we both know we need.”

“I can’t darlin’, you ain’t gonna play fair if we do any more” he said while stilling his hand and closing his eyes.

“Hey, look at me,” you said gently while touching his cheek.  When he opened his eyes you continued saying “I promise we’ll just do this. No touching for either of us to the other person or we both know how it ends. I know you’re not ready for that yet. But Joel, baby, I fucking need to cum so bad right now that it hurts, so please touch yourself.”  After a few more strokes of yourself you slip your slick coated finger into his mouth so he can taste how worked up you were. 

Joel moaned when he tasted how good you were. He wanted to lap at you right now but if he did, he knew he’d forget all self restraint and fuck you hard. “Your shit to my self control love, ya know that? And ya don’t fucking play fair” Joel said after he pulled your finger out of his mouth with a pop. 

“Who said about playing fair Joel? Here I have my boyfriend, supposedly, who doesn’t want to ever do anything sexually.  First relationship I’ve ever had where he’s someone who’s all talk and no do” you say slowly teasing your clit at your words.

“Watch your mouth there smartass, or you may not like what you’ll get baby” Joel says as a warning.

“Fuck your self control Joel, and your good fucking attitude” you say while sinking 2 fingers knuckle deep within you. “I just want to fuck my boyfriend’s cock, is that so bad?” you say while moaning and pumping your fingers in and out of your tight dripping hole.

Joel watched you give yourself over to pleasure and he couldn’t help himself, he had to indulge in his own pleasure.  So he spit in his hand and then slowly started stroking himself in time with your fingers. God this is fucking hot, he thought to himself.  “Fuck baby, take my cock good like that. And for the record, your boyfriend does wanna fuck you bad” he said as he continued to stroke himself at the speed of your fingers.

When you opened your eyes you noticed Joel was matching you thrust for thrust.  To tease him a little bit you decided to slow down the strokes of your fingers while saying, “come on daddy, you know you can do better than that.”

“Fuck woman, don’t tease,” he growled at you while slowing his strokes down to match you.

“Why Joel, doesn’t it feel good?” you say, dragging out your pleasure just a little longer.

“Fuuuck” he groaned while slamming his head back against the tree, watching you slowly fuck yourself with your fingers as Joel kept edging himself in time with you.  

After a few more slow pumps of your fingers, you felt that familiar feeling of your walls fluttering around yourself.  You knew you were not going to last for very much longer. So you sped up your fingers to start to fuck yourself fast, panting and moaning for Joel.  You looked over and saw Joel panting just as hard, cursing under his breath, fucking himself hard and fast up into his hand.

“Joel baby, I want you” you say panting.

“I know baby, I know. Don’t stop Angel, fuck, don’t stop.” he said in a strained voice.

“Pleeease Joel, I need more” you say begging him, for what you didn’t know.

“I know Angel, I know. But we can’t, we can’t, fuuck” he says watching you desperately chase your high, not quite getting deep enough with your fingers that he knows that you need.  He watched you get frustrated, begging for him to help you, and him telling you no.  Finally after a bit Joel saw you slow down your fingers, pulling them out, knowing that you never came. It’s in that moment he sees your true frustration, you haven’t been able to come since he had sex with you last, not that you hadn’t wanted to, but you couldn’t.  God Joel felt like a complete asshole at this moment.

“Baby, what’s the matter?” he said as he watched you get up and put your pants back on. “Come on honey, don’t do this” he said pleading with you to not shut down.

As soon as you opened your mouth you pulled away saying “I can’t. We-we need to focus.” 

“Why? Why did you stop” he asked you as he also quickly stood up putting himself back together and zipping himself up. 

As you turned around to face him you said, “Joel, I just- I don’t know- tell me what I have to do to-”

It was then that he realized where you were going and all Joel could say shaking his head was “Don’t, don’t go there.”

“Don’t go there, seriously Joel?” you said with a bite to your voice. “No. No Joel, I want to go there. I want to know why. Why is it everytime we get alone and stuff like this happens you say no? Fuck Joel, I can feel you’re turned on, damnit I can see it still right now. We were- we-” you say while trying to put to words what the two of you were doing, because it felt like it was more than just mutual masterbation. Frustrated you said, “fuck Joel, I’m turned on. So why do you resist it, why can’t you just give in and-”

“And fuck you?” he said sarcastically. 

“Yes Joel, why? Why can’t you fuck me?” you snapped.

“You don’t know what you’re askin’ for darlin,’” he said while shaking his head and looking off into the distance.

You were so frustrated with this man. For the lack of any intimacy, for the lack of communication with you, and for the lack of honesty.  You knew he side-stepped conversations that meant something to him, or brought up strong emotions to the surface. He was a big old broody man, a man that you truly loved, but damnit, you didn’t care in this moment if he was comfortable or not. Everytime you have listened and dropped the topic of discussion, no resolution ever came later on. He’d forget it and move on, treating you as if the topic never got brought up. But not today, today you weren’t going to let him get off so easily. This man in front of you made you question why the hell you were even here in the first place.  For your own sanity, you needed to know. You had enough of the games the two of you played, this time you were going to get to the heart of this and find a solution no matter what the solution was. If not, then you were going to leave permanently.  

So with a deep breath, and nerves shaking you all over, you said “You know, for someone who says he cares and wants me as his girlfriend, you do have a funny way of showing affection. No wonder why Sarah’s mom and Tess-”

“Don’t. Don’t you fucking finish that goddamn sentence little girl, I’m warning you. Don’t.” Joel sneered at you, anger boiling fast to the surface. Who the hell gave you the right to even speak about his past relationships, something you knew nothing about, he thought to himself. 

“Why Joel, cause it’s the truth?” you say getting more and more angry.  “Why could you fuck them and not me?” you snap feeling the tightening in your throat coming on. You knew you were hitting his emotional button with anger, but he was hitting yours where you didn’t feel worthy of love.  Something you didn’t want to admit to him or even to yourself.

“If ya recall darlin,’” he said with a bite to his voice, “I did fuck you.” 

“Yeah one time Joel, one time. And I get it why you didn’t want to after that, that you wanted to date me or whatever. But shit Joel, we don’t kiss, we don’t hug, we don’t-”

“What the fuck were we just doing then y/n, huh? Cause it looked to me that we were definitely doing something” Joel snapped back.

“Yeah, until you would have came and then it would have been done, nevermind that I needed more” you say throwing your arms up in the air. “Jesus Christ Joel, what the fuck do I gotta do to get you to give a shit about me?” you snap back feeling the sting starting to burn hot in the back of your throat.

“I do care. I do give a shit y/n. Fuck, why do you think I’m even out here with you?” he snapped. He didn’t want to have this conversation, the one where he knew you backed him into the corner on having. The one where he had to admit his fault to you, the reason why he has held back for all of these years, even before the outbreak with other women. He knew he needed to turn and walk away before it went any further, but he couldn’t. He wanted to, but he could see you were breaking in front of him. You had an idea that he didn’t care and that was not the reason for this problem.  So he stayed and gave into your and his frustration, and stood there having the one argument with you that he never wanted to have. 

You were so lost in your own anger and frustration that you never saw Joel wince at your outburst, or look at you pleading with his eyes to stop, asking you not to push him any further.  You were so lost in your own emotions that nothing registered in your brain at what you were seeing before you.  You shouted at him saying, “I don’t know Joel, why are you out here? You haven’t hardly been alone with me for 5 seconds for the past month and-”

“For good fucking reason, y/n. I haven’t been alone with you for a good fucking reason. Jesus” he said throwing his hands up in the air out of frustration.

“Then tell me,” you yelled back with tears stinging your eyes and starting to slide down your cheeks. “Tell me why I’m not good enough, Joel. Why did you fucking save my life when you clearly didn’t want to. Why didn’t you just let Dave kill me, when you clearly don’t care. Tell me Joel, why? Why am I in love with a man that doesn’t fucking love me back? What do I have to do to get you to fucking se-see me?” you say as the sob escapes your lips at the admittance of your feelings for the one man standing before you.

It was in that moment that Joel hated himself. He knew you were struggling with those emotions, he knew you loved him but fuck, this was not how he wanted you to say it to him. He knew he wasn’t the guy that liked to communicate his feelings.  Tommy always said while growing up that Joel’s biggest fault was his lack of communicating how he felt. He knew that was the reason why Sarah’s mom did what she did and left, and of why Tess never fully gave herself to him. He hated talking about his emotions and feelings, but he knew that you needed to hear the reason why, because he didn’t want to lose the one person he fucking loved more than anything in this world right now, and that person was you.  Ellie was the other person he loved so much, but he loved her like his own daughter. Where he loved you like his wife, his soulmate. 

When he didn’t respond right away you shook your head and said “maybe I should just-”

“No,” Joel said interrupting you. “Please baby, don’t leave” he said looking up at you with bloodshot eyes. You saw how tears were forming in his eyes and you didn’t understand why. Why would a man who was so closed off with you, who always hated things you did really care if you stuck around. 

“Why Joel, why?” you asked feeling broken. “Please.”  

When he didn’t respond again and looked away, you decided to go pack up a few things to leave. Ellie was wrong, you thought to yourself, I was wrong, he never wanted me. You didn't want to chop down a tree anymore. You just wanted to leave, to stop this pain and to just, I don't know, figure your own life out alone. You turned and had only taken about 4 steps away when you heard Joel speak. 

“I used to do contracting work before the outbreak, I owned a business called Miller Contracting” he said.  You paused and looked over at him and waited. Honestly, you were a little baffled as to why he’d bring that up now. “That sounds pretty cool Joel, you must have done a good job” is all that you could say. 

Joel just shook his head and snorted at your comment.  After a moment he continued saying “Sarah was about 2 years old at the time. Teesh, my wife, short for Theresa, was a stay-at-home mom at the time. We had only known each other, dated for about 5 months before she got pregnant with Sarah. She was young, barely 19 when she got pregnant with Sarah and I, being in my early 20s fucking knew better. One night after a date she was so hot, wanting me so bad. It was raining outside and we were on our way back from the movies.  We had gotten into a horrible fight on our way back and she started to cry. She said that I didn’t love her. But fuck, if that woman really knew how I felt about her we wouldn’t have gotten into that argument.”

“Anyways,” Joel said while switching sides with his rifle and slowly walking up to you. “She said I didn’t care and the next thing I knew we were parked on the side of the road and she was on my lap and- well, let’s just say that Sarah was created in my truck that night. I didn’t have anything for protection and she pleaded with me to not pull out. I was so swept up in the moment that I didn’t think that she may have been ovulating” he said with a smirk.

After a moment of silence you said “Joel, I’m sorry that happened, but what does that have to do with-”

“Just give me a minute here baby, please” Joel said while wiping a tear off his face. Finally after a few moments of Joel lost in thought you heard him continue.  “Sarah was born 9 months later and Teesh and I were married when she was 5 months pregnant. Teesh and I didn’t get along much, but we put a great effort in. Well when Sarah was about a year old I started my own business, Miller Contracting, and Teesh was my biggest supporter at the time, or so I thought. I busted my ass for my family. We moved out of this shitty 1 bedroom apartment into a house that I had built for her and Sarah. Sarah was about 2 years old and Teesh said she wanted another baby. After a few discussions I had agreed and we tried, fuck baby we tried so goddamn hard to do it. But when you’re working 60 hours a week, hardly home in the summer, it makes baby making a little harder.”

“Well, one day I got done with work a little early, about 2 pm, and wanted to go home to surprise Teesh. Sarah was over at the babysitters house cause Teesh needed a break that day. I went and bought her some flowers, stopped and got her favorite cheesecake from the best bakery, and was gonna go home and show my wife that her man needed her.  I bought a card and wrote in the card ‘baby, I love you and need you, J’. And for me, that was a lot for sharing my emotions.”

“When I walked into the house I heard some moaning coming from the bedroom. I thought my wife was giving herself some much needed attention. God, I was so turned on by it, wanted to watch her touch herself and then help her finish. So I walked up the stairs to our bedroom and then froze with what I saw.”

You felt your heart race fast in your chest when you looked at Joel in the face. You saw a man that looked broken in this second, shattered. You watched him taking a few shaky breaths to calm himself. Finally after a moment you said softly “Joel, what did you see?”

With a shake of his head, Joel looked you straight in the eyes and said, “I saw my wife fucking my best friend. The man who was like a brother to me. He was balls deep in my wife, fucking her with no protection and she was begging him to come inside her. And she was fucking ovulating.”

“Oh my God Joel, I’m so-”

“Don’t. Let me finish” he said clearing his throat and swiping another tear away from his cheek. Finally after a few moments he said while looking off in the distance, “She said the reason why she did it was because I didn’t care about her, that she felt that I never loved her, yet I did.” Joel looked back at you and said “darlin’ I struggle communicating my feelings, as you can tell. But don’t ever think for a second baby that I don’t care about you, cause I do. I’m just scared. I’m scared of losing the people that matter the most to me. I’ve lost everyone so far that I’ve cared about deeply, and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t make love to you baby, not cause I don’t want to. Fuck woman, I want you more than you god damn know. I just. I can’t risk sentencing you to death or our baby to death, because I fucking knocked ya up out here.”

Joel gently grabbed your face with both hands, and with looking into your beautiful eyes he said “I see you mama. I see you so god damn much in front of me and I- I, fuck.”  You watch a tear slip down his cheek, while shaking his head he continues saying, “I see you honey, ok. And I care about you, so damn much,” and with that he leans in and puts the softest kiss to your lips.

You allow yourself to melt into the kiss, and into him.  You don’t ask for more than what he is giving you, because this was Joel showing you that he cared. After a moment he deepens that kiss and brings you closer to him.  He skims your lips with his tongue, asking gently for access to your mouth, and you grant it to him with no resistance.  He doesn’t wrestle you with his tongue, but slowly moves it in your mouth, where both of your tongues are doing a slow dance exploring each other.  This isn’t a kiss that says ‘I want to fuck you.’  This is a kiss that says ‘I love you.’  Even though he hasn’t said it to you, you can feel it in this moment with how he is kissing you, as it is so intimate.  And you communicate the same thing to him with your slow tender kiss back.

When Joel had finished exploring your mouth, he gently pulled back and nipped your chin and jaw.  He then pulls you close into his arms and wraps his arms tenderly around you saying, “I care about you kiddo, don’t ever think differently, ok? And I promise baby, I’ll work on the affection part. But know that I care about ya, alright. I fucking care and want you more than you’ll ever know.” He gently starts swaying you side to side in his arms, caressing the back of your head and kissing you periodically on the top of your head.

“Ok, old man,” you say, and you hear him chuckle above you. “But ya gotta give me more than just the cold shoulder Joel. If you want me to believe you, and that you do care, you gotta give me more than just telling me these things baby. You gotta show me, and don’t worry, we’ll go at a pace that is comfortable for both of us, ok?” 

“Ok mama, ok.” he says and gives you the softest kiss on your lips again.  After pulling all the way back he picks up the axe that had dropped and hands it to you while saying, “ok smartass now swing that fucking axe and let me see that nice ass of yours." As you turn around he playfully slaps your ass.

You burst out laughing and say “ok Papa Bear, you better go sit down or you’re gonna have a heart attack if ya don’t watch it.”  And with that you glance back over your shoulder at him before you swing the axe towards the tree.  As you line up, you glance back to see if your form is ok. He nods once at you in a silent encouragement to keep going and you hit the tree.  As soon as the axe hit the tree you heard him say “good job baby, now do it again.” And so you follow his instructions.  Pretty soon the tree was chopped all the way down by you.  He had given you instructions and feedback along the way, encouraging you to keep going.  He had offered you to let him finish chopping the tree down for you when you got tired, which you promptly told him if he moved one muscle to grab that axe you were going to swing it at his head.  He laughed at you holding his arms up in surrender, and told you to continue then.  

Once the tree was chopped down he grabbed the axe from you and told you to go sit down to rest. He showed you how to check the tree for closer damage and how to chop some of the unhealthy branches off first. When you offered to drag the tree back to the cabin he said to you “nah baby, I got it” and then you followed him back watching him flex his muscles for you. Once you were back you immediately started sectioning off the tree into easier sections for firewood. Joel helped you chop wood, quietly glancing over at you as you both worked.  Once you saw him glance at your ass and stare at the curve of it.  You smiled and said “eyes up here cowboy” and pointed to your face.  He quickly cleared his throat and said “was looking behind you, not at ya,” as he adjusted his jacket with a red face from embarrassment that you caught him looking.  

You thought Joel being embarrassed looked cute, so you walked up to him and said with a smile “ya I know, my behind is sexy isn’t it?” Joel never answered you, but looked at you with intense eyes as he tightened his jaw.  When you walked away you heard him say under his breath “yeah baby it fucking is” and then you watched him re-adjust the front of his pants yet again.  Ellie was right, you thought to yourself, points go to the cocky teenager for being right.  You make a mental note that next time you talk with Ellie about something like this, you tell her that she was in fact right.  Papa Bear does love it when you go out to chop firewood.  You also make a mental note that you will definitely be making a trip out to the pine trees with Joel yet again. 

-End of Chapter 5-

A/N: Wow, this is the filthiest thing I have written so far. Once again there will be other chapters with these two. I already have a few written, had to split up what I originally wrote for this chapter into 3 separate chapters. Things eventually will heat up with these two and they eventually will fully give in. If you want to be added to the taglist let me know in the comments (tags only added to completed chapters or upcoming one-shots, not teasers).

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow

[general-cyno]

wano has become a favorite arc of mine for different reasons and it also gave me a lot of zolu brainworms to mull over, so here I go (again). spoilers for some of the big reveals in the arc so beware

despite getting separated shortly after reuniting, yasuie's execution once again highlighted how similarly minded zoro and luffy are - like zoro, luffy gets pissed at the sight of ppl laughing at yasuie after he's killed, though they both learn it's due to the effects of the smile fruits. and despite the fact that doing so could put their plan in jeopardy (hence why sanji yells at zoro to cool his head), luffy actively cheers zoro on (from the distance) when he goes after orochi in retaliation

a nice tiny moment is also back when they're together. luffy was worried since big mom appeared in wano yet jimbei (who had stayed in whole cake island to fend her off along his former crew so the straw hats could escape) hadn't arrived. albeit zoro wasn't even part of the WCI arc events, he's quick to reassure luffy:

although I'm not certain whether law was referring to them specifically or not, there's a part during the discussion of the raid where he says there's two idiots who, no matter how much planning goes into it, are likely to charge straight in regardless. then, of course, this happens:

(so yeah. I think they're probably the idiots)

and funnily enough, zoro doesn't get lost for once. not only does he find luffy, any intention zoro had of (ironically, considering he was causing a ruckus himself) chastising luffy for messing up the infiltration goes out the window when he tells zoro about the spilled oshiruko

this is a direct callback to their interactions with tama when they first reunited in wano. it's cute how attached they got to her and yeah, they're both stupidly reckless at times but this is one occasion in which it isn't just for the sake of chaotic shenanigans - it's them getting angry at how these ppl are disrespecting what tama and the oshiruko stand for. to those present, it seems foolish/weird since they don't understand the context behind it, but it's the kind of understanding that goes on between luffy and zoro precisely bc of the moments they share together.

there's some good panels of both worrying about each other after getting hurt and zoro carrying an injured luffy to safety. they're soooo.

this was pretty good too:

their plan to jump to the roof to face kaido ultimately fails here but it's still cute that zoro's so willing now to just cling to and let luffy carry him around like this (arlong park zoro has come a long way lol). it also says a lot abt luffy's trust in both the crew and zoro that he was fine letting them in charge below while he and zoro went to face kaido together.

the x drake ordeal was kind of funny but it served to show exactly why zoro complements luffy so well. luffy tends to be very trusting toward others, even those who might've started out as enemies which usually works out fine but still. zoro's quick to remind luffy that the guy's a traitor and unreliable, and (along with some of the other straw hats) refuses to blindly accept the impromptu alliance. it's interesting though, that zoro doesn't entirely disregard luffy's opinion nor x drake's help per se - he's just understandably wary of drake's true intentions (pointing out that he's still hiding where he stands in the whole conflict) and eventually agrees to team up. love the balance of it ngl.

that said, the actual fight on the roof has to be one of my favorite parts! it's probably one of the most obvious occasions in which zoro's role as luffy's first mate/right hand man and how much luffy relies on him too shines through. there's zoro slashing big mom and kaido's fire attacks so they wouldn't hurt luffy, taking the lead in attempting to stave off kaido and big mom's joint attack (and succeeding for a bit) despite the fact that he's got three powerful captains beside him, and several panels of him protecting luffy. this one was particularly crazy

this is pretty much zoro's equivalent to "if you wanna kill him you'll have to kill ME first". insane. I love them so much. zoro may be the one to have more instances in which he gets to demonstrate his loyalty and protectiveness towards luffy rather than the opposite - but knowing luffy's the one who usually risks himself for others in grandiose ways, I find it very compelling that zoro gets to be the one to protect him in these important moments, that luffy trusts him to do it and even thanks him for it here in this arc. to me, there's a reason why, out of the whole crew, zoro was the only one to take part in this particular confrontation. mutual trust/understanding/respect etc are at the core of their relationship. it's a two way thing.

fast forward to zoro vs king and OF COURSE this mf thought of luffy when facing the guy.

I posted about this the other day, but something similar happened during zoro's duel against mihawk. when the latter asks what drives zoro to fight despite being so weak, it's this exact part of his meeting with luffy at the marine base that he recalls. zoro has certainly driven himself to get stronger for the crew's sake and for his dream, but it's clear that luffy (and his own promise to kuina) is one of zoro's biggest motivators. he's also the one person zoro has cast aside that very dream of his for so... (thriller bark zoro you live in my heart always).

when zoro wins against king, too, it's his promise to never lose that he recalls. the promise he made to luffy. regardless of how you interpret their relationship, it's obvious luffy means a lot to zoro and moments like these don't let the readers forget it.

that said, this was perhaps the most insane part to me:

just when you think zolu can't get more trope-y than it already is, the manga says: wait a fucking second. canon sun/moon, heaven/hell, god/demon zolu.

I was already spoiled about these bits, though they were exciting to read through anyway. I think it's very curious that both zoro's ancestry and his conqueror's haki reveal happened during the arc where the true nature of luffy's devil fruit comes to light and his awakening into joyboy/nika takes place. can't say for sure what oda's planning for them in the future, but wano is probably the biggest glimpse so far as to the kind of figures luffy and zoro are bound to become (or are already becoming) in one piece's universe.

joyboy luffy being considered a hero to wano only rivaled by shimotsuki ryuma is also so... oof, knowing that ryuma (also called god of the blade) is zoro's ancestor, whose zombie he faced back in thriller bark and whose sword shusui he wielded for a while after that, and that he resembles physically too (both being one-eyed samurai/swordsmen). there's a lot more parallels to be drawn between them, and zoro's conqueror's haki adds a whole new layer to their relationship, but a detail that's fascinating to me is that both zoro's presence and joyboy's awakening in wano are hailed as the work of fate at different points, by kawamatsu and zunesha respectively.

overall there seems to be a thread of "fate" that's tying the story together from the void century to roger's era to the present but choice is also an important aspect imo. zoro and luffy are an example, bc in spite of how their stories have turned out to be somewhat intertwined... it was luffy's choice to seek out the demon pirate hunter and rope him into his crew. it was zoro's choice to join him, to make a promise that'd tie his own dream to luffy's. there's a potential that neither of them could've reached if they hadn't come together to sail in that dinghy and formed an entire crew (a family!) that have all of them journeying towards their dreams, always relying on and striving to become better for one another. all of these little choices for luffy and zoro led them up to this point and onwards, which tbh is just really fucking good.

[petcr3]

something to rely on | chapter one

series masterlist (coming soon!)

summary: despite being separated, bob floyd is there to support his wife and their son after she sustains some injuries in a car accident.

word count: 4.1k

warnings: separation/divorce, reader is frequently referred to by she/her pronouns, is called bob's wife/ex-wife, mrs. floyd, etc. bob and reader have a son, but i have tried to be as inclusive as possible with regards to appearance and the type of family! (meaning, if i've done my job correctly, charlie can have been adopted, not necessarily carried by the reader, etc.) non-graphic reference to a car accident, non-graphic description of injuries. chapter one is set entirely in a hospital. readers parents are present in the story, still married, and have a good relationship with reader because this is fantasy lol

a/n: lads, it's here. some of you have been hearing me blather about this story for fucking ages and chapter one is finally done. i'm proud of it, i think, but if nothing else i simply cannot keep sitting on it, so here it is! very excited for this story's future <3 i hope you love charlie as much as i do lol

It’s a rare occasion that one hears Bob Floyd before seeing him, but you suppose your getting into a car accident is a special enough occasion. 

Things feel hazy–– with two broken wrists and a broken leg, you’ve been given quite the painkiller. You’re not sure how long you’ve been awake, exactly, but it can’t have been very long. There’s a digital clock on a small table next to your hospital bed, but your neck is too sore to turn far enough over to see it. A thick wooden door is shut against the buzz of the floor outside: the ringing of phones, the click of computer keys, and the clatter of patients being wheeled to and from scans and tests and specialists. 

Even amidst all that, the sound of Bob’s words cuts through. He’s raising his voice, you realize. That’s not like him.

“I’m sorry, sir,” the nurse says on the other side of the door, “but outside of visiting hours I can only admit family, and––”

“I am family,” he says, impatient. 

“I understand that, but when a patient is separated––”

“Separated,” Bob interrupts, “not divorced. That is my wife and the mother of my child, so will you please let me see her?” It sounds much more like a demand than a question. The nurse sighs, clearly frustrated. 

“Let me go speak to her.” She steps out from behind the counter and cuts Bob a severe look. “If she is awake, I’ll let her know you’re here. But given that rest is one of the most crucial things for her right now, I will not be waking her up. You can wait.”

“Thank you,” comes his clipped reply. The nurse approaches your room, only a few steps away from the front desk–– Bob would have just gone straight in, had he known— and when the door creaks open, he can be seen standing over her shoulder–– a respectful distance behind, at least.

“Ma’am, there’s someone here to see you,” she says. You can tell it’s taking everything Bob has not to run to you, but he’s smart enough to know that showing this nurse any more disrespect isn’t wise. “He says he’s your husband,” she continues, “but if you don’t want to see him, I can tell him to leave.”

“No, that’s okay,” you say, “he can come in.” She turns around only to discover Bob right behind her. He squeezes quickly past, murmuring a hurried thank you before practically flying to your bedside. All his frustration quickly dissipates as he leans over you, a deep furrow in his brow. Over his shoulder, you see the nurse shake her head, exasperated, and leave, shutting the door behind her.

“Hey honey,” Bob says, hand lifting to brush across your cheek, as if it’s two years ago and nothing has changed. “Are you alright? What happened?”

“I’m okay, Bobby,” you reply, tired. You surprise yourself, though, using his old nickname like that. Since you two broke up, you’ve only ever called him Bob. “Someone lost control of their car in the rain, apparently. You owe that nurse an apology.”

“And I’ll give her one later. First I need to know that you’re okay.”

“I just said that I’m okay,” you laugh softly. “Bob, I’m fine.” Reluctantly, he nods, leaning back to grab at a chair. He won’t even stand all the way up, refuses to take his eyes off you lest you run off somewhere else to nearly get yourself killed.

“How’s Charlie; is he with your parents?” You nod, heart clenching at the thought of your son, how distressed he must be right now.

“Yeah,” you say, voice getting a little watery. “Yeah, I got to talk to him a little while ago. He wants to come visit after my surgery tomorrow.” Bob’s brow furrows. 

“Surgery?”

“Just my left wrist. The right one and the leg only need braces, but,” you sigh, “yeah, the left one took the door pretty hard, so.” He nods.

“How about your head? All okay up there, no bleeding?”

“I have a concussion, but that’s all. They know what they’re doing here, Bob. Don’t worry. I’m gonna be just fine.” He studies you for a moment, then sighs, nodding his head again. “Not so fun being on the other side of it, huh?” you say without thinking. It isn’t meant to be cutting, but blue eyes snap up to your face, a faint expression of shock on Bob’s features. 

Still, you have a hard time feeling too guilty. How many times have the roles been reversed? How many times have you held your baby boy to your chest murmuring reassurances that you can’t promise are true? How many times has Bob been gone, unable to tell you he was okay or even alive? Or looked up at you under the harsh white light of a hospital room on base and told you there was nothing to worry about when you both knew that there was? 

Bob schools his expression into something a little softer and gives a curt nod. You can’t decide if that was over the line. But that had always been the problem, hadn’t it? 

Neither of you had known how easy it would be to push each other over their limits. You’d thought love and a thick skin would be enough to survive the looming fear of losing your husband. Bob had thought it would be easier to outrun the guilt he always felt leaving you behind, the way it weighed on his chest like an anvil. Eventually, your wounds were rubbed raw and his ribs began to crack beneath the pressure.

The times when he was home were supposed to be precious, but they had become tense, uncomfortable. It wasn’t good for either of you, and it certainly wasn’t good for three-year-old Charlie. Splitting up had been the best choice, even though it pained you both to admit it.

Bob had been adamant about a separation rather than a divorce. Ex-spouses of the military were still entitled to some benefits, but for Charlie’s sake and yours he wanted to remain legally married. You’d both agreed that if you met other people and got serious enough, a divorce would be back on the table. It hadn’t been the easiest decision, but now, laying in a hospital bed, you can’t help but feel grateful. And how many people can say their ex husband came rushing to their side in an emergency? 

Regret is already creeping up across your skin.

“I’m sorry,” you say softly, reaching to touch the back of his hand. Your fingers brush awkwardly against his skin where they protrude from your brace, but you can see the gesture means something to him–– his eyes shine a little sadly when he looks at you. He gives a faint shake of his head. 

“S’okay. Me too.”

Despite your best efforts to persuade him otherwise, Bob stays the night in your room, sleeping with his legs slung across a second chair the nurses had been kind enough to provide for him. (He’d apologized to the nurse he spoke to when he arrived, and she’d taken it rather graciously, all things considered. In her place, you’re pretty sure you would have had him thrown out.) You fall asleep fairly easily, exhaustion having taken its toll, but you wake up in the wee hours needing the bathroom. You press the call button, hoping it won’t wake your sleeping companion, but Bob rouses when Jermaine, one of the nurses, comes in. The whole bathroom song and dance is a process you certainly don’t enjoy, but you’ve gotten used to it over the past several hours. 

“Can’t get enough of me, huh?” Jermaine quips, walking to your bedside.

“I keep guzzling water when he’s not looking,” you say, nodding towards a still groggy Bob. Jermaine only laughs and pulls back the covers.

“All right, ready?” 

“Yep.” You grimace as he braces his hands beneath your armpits to help lift you up enough to get into your wheelchair. You sigh as Jermaine rolls you to the bathroom and braces an arm around your waist to help you onto the toilet. The door stands open, but you’re too drained to care–– besides, this isn’t anyone’s first rodeo.

You don’t see the way Bob’s eyes widen with worry. How he watches each maneuver carefully, filing it away in the back of his mind. The decision had been made before he walked through the door, really, but seeing you struggle only cements it. He doesn’t say anything as Jermaine helps you back to bed–– only a quiet thank you as the nurse leaves the room. He can talk to you about his plan tomorrow.

A low murmur of voices filters into your consciousness as you wake that morning, your eyes flickering open to see Bob standing with Dr. Alvarado, who will be performing your surgery. She notices you shifting in your bed and comes to your side, Bob following suit on the opposite, returning to his seat.

“Good morning, Mrs. Floyd,” she says warmly, “how are we feeling?” Your mouth is dry and you swallow thickly before responding.

“I’ve been better,” you rasp, wincing at the scrape of your voice. Bob is holding out a cup of water before you even have a moment to think, and you start to reach for it before faltering. In the fog of waking up, you’d almost forgotten.

“I’ve got it,” he says quietly, bringing it to your lips. You drink, far too worn out to protest.

“Your procedure is scheduled for 12:30 this afternoon. It’s about 8:15 right now. That’ll give you some time to rest before pre-op. I’ve also been told you have a special visitor, if you feel up for it.” Your heart lifts, and you can’t help but look expectantly up at Bob. 

“Charlie?” 

The hopeful lilt of your voice splinters something in his heart. He smiles, tight-lipped but genuine all the same, and nods. 

“Uh-huh. I know you said the plan was post surgery, but your mom called saying they were up and ready to go. I figured you’d want to see him.”

“Yeah,” you say, voice high and thin, “yeah I’d like that.” Dr. Alvarado smiles. 

“I’ll let them know. They’re all very anxious to see you.” You nod, tears slipping down your cheeks. Ordinarily, you try not to let Charlie see you crying. With the separation, you’ve been doing everything you can to be his rock. You remember how scary it was when you were a child to see your parents upset, or worse, hurt. But today, you don’t know if you’ll quite be able to manage it. Gracelessly, you swipe at the tears on your cheeks, but before long, Bob is at the ready again, tissue box extended toward you. You nod your thanks and clasp one in between your fingers. Blotting is much easier. 

You’ve just about gotten it together when the door opens again. 

“Mommy?” Charlie calls, and you hate how you can hear the frightened tremble of his voice. He makes it a few steps over the door jamb when he sees Bob. 

“Daddy!” For a heartbreaking moment, wide eyes dart between the both of you, unsure of where to run. 

“Go say hi to Daddy, sweetheart,” you say, heart swelling to see the reunion. Charlie beams and runs directly into Bob’s arms.

“Hey, big man!” he says, scooping Charlie off the ground in a strong embrace. “I missed you so much, little bear.” He presses a big kiss to your son’s cheek and is rewarded with a delighted giggle that has you crying again. Hurriedly, you dab at your eyes once more.

Your parents enter the room behind Charlie, your mother’s smile wavering and your dad’s brow furrowed. The braces make hugs awkward, but your parents’ presence is an enormous comfort.

“Charlie’s been very brave,” your father informs you. “And we’re all very glad you’re okay.”

“Me too,” you say wetly, wishing you could hold their hands. “I love you guys.”

You cast a glance over to your left, where Bob and Charlie are engaged in conversation, faces close together and voices hushed. Watching Bob parent has always made your heart ache, even now when things have fallen apart. He was meant to be a father, plain and simple. People who don’t know him might expect a Navy man to be gruff, tough on a child, especially a son. But Bob is all gentleness when it comes to your Charlie. He is patient and invested and even though you two aren’t together, it’s difficult to imagine parenting Charlie with anyone else. 

You tear your gaze away to talk with your parents, explaining what happened and asking about how Charlie has been coping over the course of the last few hours.

A few feet away, Bob has his son cradled close in his arms. 

“I was really scared,” Charlie confides in him, “but I gotta be brave for Momma.” Bob’s heart breaks just a little, and he smooths a hand over Charlie’s hair. Perhaps this instinct to protect is just built into the little boy– knowing you and Bob, that’s a distinct possibility. But Bob can’t help but worry it’s a result of the split. 

“You don’t have to be brave for Momma, honey,” he says softly. “That’s our job. Parents get to be strong for their kids, not the other way around. It’s okay to be scared when someone is hurt. And it’s also okay to express that. Especially with me and Mommy. And being strong doesn’t mean you can’t feel your feelings. In fact, being able to feel your feelings is a part of what makes a person strong, because some feelings are really hard.” Charlie listens to his father with rapt attention–– he always has. “But it’s important not to ignore them. Does that make sense?” He nods sagely when Bob is done talking.

Bob can’t help but smile, heart swelling with affection. It’s moments like these when he thinks he could leave it all if it meant getting to spend every second of every day with his baby boy. 

“Should we go say hi?” he asks, bouncing Charlie gently against his hip. Charlie nods, his gaze flickering over to you. 

Though you’re talking with your parents, you can’t take your eyes off of your son. Call it selfish, but ever since you’d been able to think straight you’ve wanted nothing more than to see him. You’re reaching out for him the second Bob starts towards you, but he gives you a look.

“With your leg?” he asks quietly, even though Charlie is right there in his arms.

“I still got one good one,” you quip,” and I think a hug is gonna help me get better much quicker. Besides, all my problems are below the knee— I’ll be fine.”

Bob has always had trouble saying no to you. 

“Be gentle, okay bud?” Charlie nods.

Carefully, he sets Charlie down in your lap, positioning him mostly on your uninjured right leg. 

“Hi baby,” you beam, the pain you’re in practically forgotten. “I’m so happy to see you!” Charlie snuggles immediately into your chest, eyes impossibly big when they look up at you. Tucking him under your arm is awkward, but you do it anyway.

“Hi Mommy,” he says quietly, like he’s afraid talking too loudly will hurt you.

“Hi,” you say again, matching his hushed voice, smile wider than it’s been for the duration of your stay. Bob stands slightly off to the side, feeling a little bit like an intruder. Still, he can’t help but watch the way your eyes sparkle when you look at your son. He’s never seen anything like it. 

A gentle hand on his shoulder catches his attention, and he turns to see your mother, her expression warm. He counts himself incredibly lucky that your parents don’t hate him. Sometimes he hates himself for what happened, and yet they still treat him like one of their own. The three of them exchange hushed greetings, each thanking one another for taking care of the two of you.

Over in your hospital bed, you’re playing with the ends of Charlie’s hair. He’s been telling you about everything that happened between yesterday afternoon and now, cheerily informing you of how much he cried and how he got to choose what he and your parents had for dinner last night. You drink in every detail with enthusiasm, grateful as ever for his enormous heart and his resilience.

“I was really scared,” he says softly after a moment. You nod.

“I bet. I was scared too.”

“Daddy says it’s okay to be scared.”

“Daddy’s right, baby. It’s more than okay to be scared. It’s important— it’s how our brains keep us safe.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh. You know how I’m scared of snakes?” Charlie nods. “Well, not every single snake is dangerous, right? But there are some that are. And because my brain remembers that some snakes are dangerous, I get a little scared when I see them. That fear is my brain telling me to be careful and stay safe.”

“So I was scared because it’d be dangerous if you got hurt?”

“Kind of! It can also be scary to not know what’s happening, right? Because if you don’t know what’s happening, it’s hard to get ready to deal with it. And it can be scary to know that something sad might happen, because it’s hard to feel sad.”

“I don’t like feeling sad,” Charlie says, nodding his understanding.

“Me neither, baby bear. But today I’m not even sad, because you’re here.” Your son’s cheeks turn pink and he hides your face in his chest. Heart swelling with fondness, you cross your arms over his back in an awkward embrace and press a kiss to the top of his head.

“Is it okay if I’m a little sad?” he asks, voice muffled by your hospital gown.

“Of course it is, sweetheart. You gotta feel your feelings. And feelings don’t last forever; they change all the time, right?”

“Right.”

Out of sight, Bob swipes a few tears from his eyes. He’s always proud of Charlie, but he’s proud of you, too–– with three limbs freshly out of working order, you would be well within your rights to be out of sorts, but there you sit, still parenting admirably. Beautifully, even. Your father squeezes Bob’s shoulder and he looks up, almost a little startled. Your father smiles and the two men exchange a nod. 

Your mother steps over to your bed and pets a hand over Charlie’s hair.

“I think me and Grandpa are gonna go home for a little while, honey,” she says to him before looking at you and resting a hand on your shoulder. “Someone gave us a good scare yesterday and I don’t think either of us slept very well. We’re both a little worn out.” Suddenly, she seems to catch herself. “Unless you want us to stick around and––”

You shake your head and reach out an appreciative hand to cover hers.

“Go get some rest, Ma.” She nods.

“We will. But we’ll be back when you come out of surgery. Bobby told us he’d keep us updated.” Too tired to even think that far ahead, you nod. 

“Thanks for looking after Charlie,” you say, tangling your fingertips with hers.

“Well, that’s my pleasure,” she says, pressing a loud kiss to her grandson’s cheek. “And we can figure out next steps, we’ll find someone—“

“Mom,” you say softly, “let's just— can we take things one step at a time for now?” She nods–– the anxiety of it all reads clear on your face.

“You know, you’re right. Let’s get you through surgery first.” You nod, grateful. “We’ll see you soon, then.” Your mother smiles and turns to get her bag. Charlie giggles as his grandfather comes over to playfully jostle his shoulders.

“Be good for your mom and dad, okay kiddo?” Charlie nods eagerly.

“That’s my guy,” your dad says fondly, giving your son a hug before turning his attention to you. “You give ‘em hell in there.”

“What,” you laugh, “in surgery? Dad, it’s just my wrist; I’m gonna be fine.” He shrugs.

“Can’t hurt though, right?” he says lightly, but you can see a glimmer of anxiety in his eyes. He leans down to kiss your cheek and you return the gesture.

“Right,” you affirm, softening. “I love you, Dad. I’m gonna be okay.” Your dad gives a final nod and links arms with your mother as they leave the room. 

It’s so easy to forget that to him— to both your parents— you are still a child. Charlie is still so young, it feels impossible that he’ll ever be as old as you are now. Of course, you still marvel at the fact that he’s as big as he is; that he can walk and talk and do math equations and paint pictures. But it’s easier to manage how much he’s grown because you can still bundle him up in your arms and count on one hand how many birthdays he’s had. Maybe if you were having less of an emotional day, you’d be able to imagine what it’ll be like when he’s grown up, but you can feel tears welling up in your eyes again so you push the thought out of your mind.

“Mommy?” Charlie asks, bringing your attention back into the present.

“Mm?”

“Did Grandpa use a bad word because he’s very stressed?” Laughter sputters out of you before you can help it, and Bob raises an amused eyebrow.

“Yeah, baby,” you say, “I don’t think he was thinking very hard about which words he was choosing. He just meant that he wants my surgery to go well, that’s all.”

“It’s like telling someone to give it their all,” Bob explains, coming to sit down at your bedside again.

“It’s what Daddy does when he’s on a deployment,” you offer, curling your arm into something akin to a flexed muscle, “he gives ‘em heck.”

“And that’s what Momma’s body is gonna do when she’s in surgery. It’s gonna do everything it needs to do to keep her safe while she’s asleep.” Charlie looks between you two, worry creeping back into his features at the mention of the surgery.

“Hey,” you murmur, “I’m going to be okay, Charlie-bear. I promise. Sometimes things can go wrong during a surgery, but the likelihood of anything bad happening is very, very low.” Charlie nods, wide-eyed. “So there isn’t anything to worry about sweetheart. But it’s still okay to be scared, right?”

“Right,” comes his hushed reply. Your heart aches not to be able to soothe his anxiety, but you know there’s no sense in trying to talk him out of it–– especially in the wake of what you’ve been trying to teach him. Still, it seems to you that the rules shouldn’t apply to Charlie, with his delicate soul and enormous heart.

Bob lays a comforting hand on your son’s back and his little form immediately relaxes into the touch. The three of you sit in comfortable silence for a little while, but soon the door creaks open and Jermaine enters with a wheelchair.

“Is this Charlie?” he asks brightly. 

“It is!” you chirp. The boy in question looks up shyly. “Charlie, this is my friend Jermaine. He’s been helping me since I got to the hospital.”

“Your mom is a tough lady,” Jermaine says warmly, squatting to be closer to Charlie’s eye level. “I promise we’re gonna take very good care of her.” Charlie nods.

“Pinkie promise?” he asks, heartbreakingly earnest. Jermaine smiles.

“You got yourself a deal.” He locks his pinkie with Charlie’s and stands up. “I’ve gotta take Mom for a couple of tests before her procedure, and then we’re gonna take her off to surgery. But you’ll get to see her in a few hours when she wakes up, okay champ?” Charlie holds on to you a little tighter and peers up at his dad, who nods encouragingly.

“Okay.”

“Mom is very lucky to have people that care about her so much,” Jermaine says. “You should be proud.” A little divot of determination forms between Charlie’s brows and he nods. Bob starts to stand and Charlie clambers around to give you one last hug.

“I love you Mommy,” he says. You squeeze him as tightly as you can and press a big kiss to his cheek.

“I love you too, baby bear. I’m gonna see you so soon, okay?”

“Okay,” he says, a heartbreaking waver in his voice. You give him another kiss before Bob scoops him up again, and before you know it, Jermaine is wheeling you off into the hospital halls. 

Back in your room, Bob has Charlie wrapped up in a tight embrace.

“Everything’s gonna be okay, baby bear,” he coos, “everything’s gonna be okay.”

[sw-33-ts-stuff]

Could you do a Wednesday Addams x gn!reader/ yoko tanka x platonic!reader

R is Enid’s younger sister and is very different *she’s blind since birth and is condescendingly treated like a baby by her family because they think she a helpless weakling that need constant supervision 24/7 depsite her being extremely gifted in playing the violin*

The only one she is close to is yoko and Enid as they’re the one ones who let her be a little indenpent. Enid litterally had to negotiate with principal weem that let r come with her to nevermore and yoko see r as a little sister as she is her roommate. Enid introduce Wednesday to her sister and falls hard for r

Her sister and yoko are happy to see r being with someone who love her dearly, but they can’t help but feel a bit overprotective

*however they know they can’t do the shovel talk to Wednesday as both are terrified of her and know she can and will hurt anyone that would lay a hand on r. They would deny nor confirm that they may have had a hand in help Wednesday in torturing those people alongside with thing and them getting into shenanigans whenever r has a date with Wednesday or uncovering a mystery 😂😂😂😂

*idk why but it would be funny if people would refer the three girls and thing as the protection squad or something or. The reason why is because while Enid and yoko are friends and Wednesday barely tolerate them and thing, they form some sort of mutual respect as they form an alliances with each other and making sure nobody messes with r. I could see Wednesday being like her dad as she unkowningly has the urge to protect r from anything that would harm her. she see r as a very beautiful and strong person with a gentle soul. While R can’t see her gf face but she can detect the sincerity in Wednesday voice and appreciate her being sweet to her and is the only one who r will allow to treat her like a baby *she know Wednesday doesn’t do it to be condescending but rather of her family curse. r is the only that Wednesday will allow to call her “Ness” She sometimes lets r be with her when playing her cello even allowing her to do a duet with her violin

I got so lost in this I think I may consider trying to make this into a series 😭…

3rd Person POV

Y/N Sinclair sat on her bed practicing her violin when her sister barged in.

"Y/n! You'll never believe this I'm getting a new roomie!" She squealed.

The younger girl smiled at the thought of her sister having someone to talk to, knowing how lonely she'd get whenever she or her roommate Yoko wouldn't be able to.

She knew how hard it was to be alone. For a werewolf solitude was a death sentence.

"The strength of the wolf comes from the strength of the pack."

Their mother always said this as their father would quietly sit back already preparing to speak to each girl separately.

"Your mother loves you she just doesn't know how to show it."

Her unseeing eyes almost rolled at the thought.

"I'm kind of worried though," her older sisters voice dropped below a whisper as she leaned in. "Rumor has it she killed one of her old school mates by dropping piranha in the swimming pool."

Y/n felt her eyebrows raise at the information before she shook her head.

"Now you of all people know better than to start spreading rumors. Don't you remember when Kent tried getting everyone to think Yoko and I were a thing?" The older Sinclair growled.

That was the tame version of events she'd given you, Kent had actually spread a rumor that you were "up for a good time". She remembered how she had threatened the boys manhood if he or any of his idiot friends even thought about looking your way. Her claws dug into his thigh, mere centimeters away from his favorite appendage as she made sure he knew just how good she'd be on her threat.

She nodded smiling. "You're right I'll wait until she gets here to get the 4-1-1 for my blog."

Y/n laughed at her sisters need for gossip. Of the two, Y/n was far more reserved than her sister.

Since she was born, her family had been...protective of her. A wolf without eye sight to them was by far the worst curse put on anyone, even worse than being sentenced to a life alone. As a child her parents kept her in their sights at all times, the only times she was truly alone and free to do as she pleased were when she'd practice the violin. The music was her only solace, which is why Enid had begged Principal Weems to grant entry for her sister to Nevermore. She knew if left alone with her parents she'd never have any type of privacy or a chance at independence.

While it was true Enid could be overbearing at times she never tried to dictate her sisters choices or influence her actions to benefit her in anyway.

.

.

.

It had been a few days since Enid showed Wednesday around and tried to get to know her. She felt that the girl was far too rough around the edges and may need to relax but she was dedicated to getting her roomie to break her walls down. Especially since she'd grown attached to Thing, who was practically her new bestie.

They were walking to lunch when the two girls caught sight of Yoko holding a lanky boy by his shirt collar against the wall. Her girlfriend Davina trying to calm her down by placing her hand on her shoulder.

The girl hissed fangs bared to the boys neck lightly grazing it with each word she spoke.

"If you even think of doing something to Y/n again I promise I'll forget school rules and make you my personal blood bag, understood?" The boy gulped nodding as he trembled in fear.

"I swear." She let him go grabbing the bag and pushing him as he ran away cowering as he met Enid's gaze.

Wednesday observed in silence as Enid's claws began to elongate, Davina rubbing her girlfriends shoulders and whispering calming words in her ear. Enid had walked up to her almost forgetting Wednesday was with her.

"What happened?" Enid asked. Yoko felt herself grow angry once she caught wind of the fur balls words. She'd overheard the boy laugh about how he'd stolen the blonde girls bag, already going through her wallet as he counted the money left inside. The fang just took a deep breath and handed the bag to the older Sinclair sibling. Enid growled lowly looking back into the direction the boy had gone.

"That's the third time this semester." She gritted out. Yoko nodded irritated.

Her relationship with the younger Sinclair sister was much like the one she held with Enid. The shorter blonde had wormed her way into her heart the minute she introduced herself. She didn't know if it was her aura of pure innocence or the smile that rarely left her face but Yoko found herself bonding with the werewolf quicker than she had expected. Vampire were usually cautious of her kind but Enid and Y/n we're nothing like the other furs. Besides the curse of the full moon, they were more alike than she'd thought.

Yoko knew all about overbearing parents and a need to be your own person. She was expected to run her coven and follow their traditional ways, including marrying a strong young male vampire. They had yet to find out about her girlfriend or the fact that she didn't want to lead.

It irked her to no end how her parents never truly listened to her. And she knew Enid and Y/n were of the select few who understood.

She couldn't fathom how anyone could want to take advantage of the blind girl.

Wednesday watched them both glancing into the direction the boy had gone.

"I don't care for bullies." Yoko and Enid looked to the goth. The vampire smirked as her fangs peeked out a bit, she lowered her glasses looking at Wednesday.

"Rumor has it you put piranha into your last schools swimming pool. The boy lost a testie." She grinned.

Wednesday merely nodded. "It's true I did fail to rid the earth of another brainless jock like Dalton but I doubt he'll make the same mistake twice."

Yoko just nodded smirking, it was nice to know there was at least one more person who wouldn't try to bully Y/n just because they could.

Enid went to take her bag to her sister. She found the girl in her room on her knees hands out trying to feel if she could find her bag on the floor.

"Y/n" the girl called softly. The younger girl shot up quickly.

"Oh hey Enid," she blushed slightly dusting the dirt of her skirt. "I was just looking for my bag."

"Right here pup." She said softly as she handed it to her. "How about we get some lunch?" The younger sister nodded.

The Sinclair Siblings sat at a table that with Yoko, Davina, Wednesday, and Eugene. Most of the group saying hi except Wednesday who kept her attention on the book she was reading.

"Wednesday," Enid called out. "This is my sister Y/N, Y/N this is Wednesday. I'm going to grab our lunches."

The goth went to give you a quick glance before she paused. You looked slightly to the left of her providing a small smile and a wave.

"Enid mentioned you're not big on touching or talking. So I'll keep it short its nice to meet you."

Your soft voice was like a symphony to her ears. Wednesday continued to stare as Enid returned sitting next to you. She looked to her roommate fully prepared to try and negotiate that she please, please be nice when she noticed something different in the pigtailed girls usually dull gaze. It looked to be...intrigue?

"Nice to meet you as well bellisima." Wednesdays eyes widened as she stood abruptly leaving without another word.

Yoko's eyes narrowed as she looked to see you blushing.

"Doesn't that mean beautiful?" Your bestfriend asked.

You shrugged paying extra close attention to your meal as Enid felt her jaw drop. You knew exactly what it meant and something about the way the word rolled off her tongue made you feel warm inside.

Did Wednesday just flirt?

Wednesday slammed the door to her room startling Thing.

"Something is wrong with me."

Thing signed frantically as Wednesday continued to shake her head at every guess he had. 

"Worse." She paused. "I'm becoming my father."

.

.

.

It was late and you knew you probably shouldn't be practicing your violin but there was someone playing cello and you felt compelled to play with whoever was on the other side of campus. You went out to your balcony careful to not wake Yoko she could sleep through anything but if she were to hear you moving she'd immediately wake up to make sure you wouldn't hurt your self.

The piece began simple enough but as the cellist continued they began to increase the tempo. Half of campus shaken from the slumber at the sound of a concert hall echoing throughout. Enid smiled slightly at your playing for once not annoyed with Wednesdays late night session.

The two of you continued for a while before Wednesday had finished. She climbed back in turning to Enid.

"Who else at this God awful school may actually have acceptable music taste?" The werewolf smirked internally still fearful that her roommate would skin her alive if she did so externally. Wednesday saw a slight smug glint in her roommates eyes knowing she'd most likely hate her answer.

"Y/n." The raven held back a groan, it seemed there was even more to you that intrigued her.

As if looks weren't enough.

Enid watched her roommate quietly go to her bed, glancing to Thing who sat smugly on her desk fingers kicking like a child on a swing.

.

.

.

"Hello Y/n." Wednesday spoke softly as she went to sit next to you in Botany. You smiled in her direction.

"Hey Wednesday, I didn't know we were switching partners?"

The gloomy girl glanced over to Ajax who couldn't meet her gaze. Yoko laughing silently behind her hand as she had watched Wednesday threaten to feed him to her menagerie of pets if he didn't switch seats with her. Enid glanced amused and irritated at the scowl Xavier wore because Wednesday had chosen to sit next to you instead.

Both Yoko and Enid continued to watch Wednesday closely as she spoke to you. Both surprised when she managed to get you to laugh. Since she lived with her, only Enid could detect the microscopic changes in expression as she looked to her younger sister. Her eyes softened ever so slightly and the corner of her lips were quirked up as you'd responded to whatever she'd asked you.

Class began and the two were forced to pay attention to the lesson before them.

Wednesday couldn't help but stare at you as you listened intently to what the teacher was saying. In most cases people would type their notes but you felt the noise may disturb others so you would record the lectures and later go over the notes in your room.

The goth couldn't help but admire you. Personally, she wouldn't care if they found it to be a nuisance, yet she found it endearing that you would. It made you seem that much stronger, not letting such trivial things hinder you.

As class finished she found herself helping you by taking your books and leading you to your next class. You quietly thanked her as she did so, as you went to sit down someone's foot shot out to trip you.

Wednesday caught you by the waist standing you upright before turning to the culprit. Her eyes narrowed to see one of the Gorgon boys laughing with his friend. He looked back and froze at the sight of Wednesday's glare.

"Thanks again Wednesday." The girl immediately softened at the young werewolf's voice.

"I'll be back after class mi vida."

Wednesday sat in her next class writing a note to Thing who began to crawl his way to the boys dorms.

He placed mirrors in the boys locker-room showers before he made his way back to Wednesday.

When class ended Wednesday was already making her way in to help you.

Enid and Yoko were outside expecting to help you but froze at the sight of Wednesday walking beside you and directing you to your next class.

The two glancing at each other unable to determine if they should be happy with your newest friendship or terrified at Wednesdays unpredictability.

.

.

.

Enid babbled on about her beloved Poe Cup to Thing as Wednesday began her hour of writing.

Yoko came into the room hastily.

"Enid," she glanced to see Wednesday glaring at her as she paused her typing.

Oh shit.

The fang gulped as Wednesdays typing resumed. Enid looked to Yoko.

"Did you hear?" The werewolf just shook her head.

"That kid Josh and his friends were trapped in the locker room for hours. Someone put mirrors in there." Wednesdays typing faltered for a brief second but both girls noticed as Thing moved around "innocently".

Enid watched him as Yoko looked to see a small smirk on the ravens face.

Enid walked closer to Thing knowing if she'd ask Wednesday she'd probably make her into a nice rug.

"You wouldn't happen to know about this would you?" The hand shrugged as he continued flipping the pages of a magazine he'd gotten from the werewolf's drawer.

Wednesday knowing his will was weak glared before Yoko began coughing. The girl doubled over in pain as Enid rushed to the girls aid more people flooding in once they called for help.

Wednesday grabbed Thing as they made their escape.

"I need you to check Rowan's room while I go to the library."

The hand scurried to find more clues as a soft clicking caught the dark haired girls attention. Her usual glare softening as she found Y/N slowly making her way downstairs. She rushed to her side making sure she'd let the girl know of her presence.

"It doesn't seem safe for you to be wandering alone, querida." The girls head snapped up recognizing the voice right away. It was in her thoughts a lot lately and gave her butterflies every time she thought about the person behind it. She blushed as she felt a cool hand offer help slowly getting her down the steps one at a time.

"Thank you Wednesday, you always seem to be there whenever I need help." You couldn't see it but you felt her dark eyes on you as you both reached the last step.

"And I will continue to do so, for as long as you shall let me."

Wednesday wanted to bite her own tongue off as she had realized what she'd said. Obviously the filter between her mouth and mind was incompetent once you were in the vicinity.

She hated how soft her voice became when she spoke to you.

And how she felt this overwhelming need to protect you.

Or how-

"Thank you." She felt herself sag in defeat. You were too nice and for some reason it was her kryptonite.

"Why are you out so late?" The girl then started to shake.

"I think someone tried to hurt Yoko I smelled garlic in our room, but she’s deathly allergic and I would never eat it." Wednesdays eyebrows shot up.

That explains the coughing.

"I think it was Bianca," Wednesday found herself intrigued.

"Why?"

"The Poe Cups tomorrow." The goth nodded. Yes the competition that her roommate had yet to shut up about.

"Oh no." The girl gasped in realization making Wednesday step closer as if to protect her.

"What's wrong?"

"Yoko was on Enid's team and the cups tomorrow she doesn't have enough people." She watched the younger Sinclair sibling take a deep breath steeling herself. "Wednesday can you help me back to my room so I can get ready for tomorrow?"

The goth shook her head as Thing ran up to them holding a mask, stopping short when he saw Wednesdays hand begin to raise to the other girls cheek.

She felt her eyes rolling at what she was about to do next.

"I will help you back to your room," the girl went to turn, but a hand on her cheek stopped her short as her face was turned to Wednesday. "But I will be the one to replace Yoko at the Poe cup not you."

The werewolf's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

According to her sister, Wednesday wouldn't waste time on something as childish as games nor would she willingly help others. However the girl in front of you touching you so gently as if you were glass about to break made you think something else entirely.

"Wednesday," you breathed out. She leaned closer you could feel her just a breath away from you as your hands slowly began to lift up.

"Can I-"

Thing crawled up to Wednesdays shoulder abruptly making her glare at him. He pointed to the stairwell where Bianca and Xavier were walking down still yet to see either of you. She grabbed you, covering your mouth and hiding you behind a pillar.

"Wednesday Addams thinks she's better than everyone else and I can't wait to make her and her little werewolf roommate cry after we win the Poe Cup tomorrow." You growled behind Wednesdays hand as the two went to their rooms.

When the coast was clear Wednesday had let go of you seeing you breathe heavy as your claws began to elongate. You felt tears well up in your eyes as you realized you couldn't help Enid as much as you wanted to.

"Wednesday promise me you'll make sure Enid wins tomorrow." She grabbed your hand placing a kiss on the back of it.

"Anything for you, mi corazon.”

[galadrieljones]

Family Units and Foreshadowing in "Too Far Gone" (TD)

I'm not entirely sure what is happening, symbolically, in episode 4.8 "Too Far Gone," but looking back on it now, it is providing a lot of very interesting foreshadowing for the remainder of the series. What happens in 4.8 essentially symbolizes a massive schism in the prior established "family unit," ie: the patriarch, Hershel Greene, is beheaded, and all of his children, devoid of home and purpose, scatter to the wind, forming smaller, separate family units. The "way" in which they scatter is important, as is everything in Scott Gimple's first season as showrunner, and that's what I want to talk about today.

The family units we see escaping the prison foreshadow in many ways the formation of similar units and dynamics going forward, mostly. That "mostly" is important. Here are the groups, exactly as they leave the prison:

Maggie, Sasha, and Bob

Tyreese, Judith, Lizzy, and Mica

Daryl and Beth

Rick and Carl

Michonne

Glenn and Tara

Carol is not at the prison during the showdown with the Governor or when it falls. She has been driven away and exiled by Rick. Though she will quickly converge with Tyreese and the girls, it's important that, at the time of the prison's fall, she is not there.

(Note that in this post, I'm ONLY going to discuss the original main characters who lived at the prison with Rick, under Hershel's guidance, and who lost their home in 4.8. I will not NOT be discussing the new characters who show up between 4.8 and 5.8, ie: Abraham, Rosita, Eugene, or Father Gabriel. I also won't really be discussing Tara, as even though she groups immediately with Glenn, she is not a part of the original family unit.)

We know that Gimple had very specific plans and choices for these groupings, or what I'm referring to as family units. In terms of the situations they encounter, symbolically, let's see what happened and what's still going on, with particular attention to the characters that we know are still alive:

Maggie: Maggie tries to leave Bob and Sasha continuously during her search for Glenn after the prison falls. She searches for Glenn to the detriment of whatever connections she has left, and not once does she consider that her sister may also still be alive. She has a hard time relying on other people and doesn't want anyone else to feel responsible for her burden. Maggie's tendency to isolate herself from and even actively fight those who want to help, and her persistence at going it alone has only worsened over the seasons. Further, and perhaps most importantly, Maggie and Glenn each have a difficult time existing independently of one another in 4b. Maggie refuses to accept that Glenn could possibly be dead, and her lack of acceptance of the current situation, though it is romantic in some sense, foreshadows her current lack of acceptance and ability to move on. The entire fact that they're separated at all is foreshadowing for Maggie's entire future arc. She gets lucky in 4b, finding Glenn again, but she knows now that this is no longer a possibility, as she watched him die, and so her inability to move on, to move forward with her life and to let go of the past has become perhaps her most glaring flaw.

Judith: Judith was just an infant in 4b; however, her situation, basically right up until the final moments of The Ones Who Live 1.6, has stayed almost exactly the same. Raised by surrogates, with surrogate siblings, missing mother, missing father, setting down, then uprooted again and again and again. AND YET, she is somehow immune to mortal danger. Everyone around her is basically willing to die for her. Even when she IS in danger, she is saved and saved again, sometimes without even knowing it. A blessed and well-loved child.

Rick: In "Too Far Gone," Carl saves Rick's life. When the two escape together, Rick is horribly injured and seems to "die." He is dreaming. Carl as Rick's savior, and Rick as the sort of sleeper king is a theme that crops up in both AOW and again in TOWL, when we learn that it was Rick's dreams of Carl that kept him sane and alive for so long while held captive by the CRM. Carl's encounter with the dead canary in "After," I believe, foreshadows his death. The dead canary is a nod to the old adage "a canary in a coal mine," meant to warn coal miners of the deadly presence of carbon monoxide. Carl's death in season 8 is a grave warning for Rick. Losing his dreams of Carl while at the CRM is also one of the main precursors to Rick's most suicidal moments.

Michonne: Michonne escapes the prison alone, because Michonne, though she is a romantic, maternal character, defaults to an intense, very guarded form of safetyism when she loses someone she loves. She shuts down, eschews socialization and all alliances. We see this pattern repeat itself after Rick dies in season 9, and she cuts off Alexandria from both Hilltop and the Kingdom as a means of staying safe. She also initially eschews socialization after she leaves Alexandria and begins her search for Rick, once again, alone. But every single time, Michonne comes around at the behest of her children. After the prison, Michonne finds Rick by tracking Carl in the final scene of 4.9 "After." She then finds Rick again in The Ones Who Live, but only after she decides it's finally time to return home. Michonne, from the first time she shows up at the prison with the basket of formula, is the eternal mother character.

Carol: Carol being outside the fray during the confrontation with the Governor, and seeming to come in from the cold at the perfect moment, is hugely formative for her characterization. Carol finds Lizzy, Mica, and Judith just in time in "Inmates." She also shows up at Terminus just in time in "No Sanctuary." After 4.4 "Indifference," Carol continuously tries to leave the family unit, but it's precisely her tendency toward the fray that often presents her with opportunities to help. In fact, it's precisely because Carol is trying to leave at the end of "Strangers" that Daryl sees the Grady car go by and is able to grab a lead on Beth. Carol also leaves at the end of season 6, which causes her to miss the second major confrontation of the series, with Negan, but it also drives Morgan and Rick to the Kingdom, where they are able to find help with their ensuing war. Carol has come a long way since these old and toxic tendencies toward self-preservation; however, we see now, once again, how she leaves home to go searching for Daryl. She still communicates as a kind of lone wolf, much more so than Daryl does, which is who I will be talking about next.

Daryl: Why have I saved Daryl for last? Well, because of all the characters who are still certainly left from the fall of the prison in season 4, Daryl's characterization has been the least intuitive in terms of how it relates to his prison escape scenario. Though Daryl fights most of the battle alone at the prison, in the end, he is found by Beth. Daryl is rarely found. In fact, he's never found. Usually, it's him doing the finding, which is why I believe that his core desire as a character is, actually, to be found again, ie: I belong with you. Find Me, calling back to the original story he tells to Andrea in "Bloodletting" about the time he got lost in the woods as the child. This has yet to take place.

"Find Me" is actually a great episode to look at in terms of how Daryl's character has unfolded over the course of many seasons. "Find Me" communicates Daryl in a similar time in his life to what happened after the fall of the prison. He's lost a major member of his family, blames himself, and has lost his home because of it. He is wandering around, searching for some sign of Rick, with zero luck at all. HOWEVER, in "Find Me," Daryl is alone. This lasts, of course, until he finds Leah, a poor replacement for Beth, even though, as we learn in season 11, she does kind of look like her. After the Commonwealth situation, Daryl leaves home, once again, alone. Many people thought that he was going to leave with Carol; however, he didn't.

Daryl has never had sustained sexual tension with another character since Beth, and if we count Leah, we should consider that main themes communicated in "Find Me" are confusion, disorientation, and memory loss. The episode also lacks the innocence and Edenic beauty of "Still" and "Alone." It is not about finding love or some light in the darkness. It's entirely about loss.

This could be traced back to season 4, in which Daryl does lose Beth. However, the exact circumstances for him running away from the burning prison with Beth and going on a sacred quest for her at a country club, then going to the backcountry moonshine shack, ending in a screaming match and a physical embrace, a warm, tipsy conversation on the porch, and literally lighting the past on fire does not track with any future situation he goes on to encounter. What I'm saying is, whatever all that was foreshadowing, it hasn't happened yet. The warmth, intimacy, and innocence has been gone from Daryl's life since he lost Beth in "Alone."

To use Norman's own words, there was a "taste" of romance "in the air" from the moment they escaped together, for as long as they were together on the road, and even when they part. The rabbit and the strawberries in the aptly titled "Us," keep the feeling of love and possession and the romantic tension alive between them.

I often think of "Alone" as a love episode. Sasha and Bob, who more obviously kindle a romance and kiss on the train tracks, while Maggie and Glenn search for each other with desperate abandon, are obvious foils for Beth and Daryl. It would not make sense to create an entire episode surrounding finding, losing, and searching for love, and to have only one of those stories be about platonic love. It makes sense because they are all different stories of romantic love.

(For the record, I don't acknowledge people who argue that Bethyl is platonic, or sibling-coded. I don't care how loud they are. There is zero evidence for that sort of dynamic in the actual show, while the evidence to the contrary, re: holding hands using the soulmate grip, Daryl's bridal carry, how he looks at her while he lies in the coffin, his confession, her confused and subtle "Oh"...regardless of how it might make some people feel, is overwhelmingly obvious. Sorry, haters.)

Anyway, on a more "meta" note: Season 4 ends with Beth off-screen, in another dimension. She is out of sight, and nobody knows whether she's dead or alive. Meanwhile, in "A," Rick reunites with his family, and they are at the precipice of a war with the Termites, a group that seems to, in many ways, foreshadow the CRM. This looks a lot like what's going on now, or what's just happened. Daryl is alone, about to reunite with Carol. Rick just reunited with his family. Major General Beale, a nice Gareth proxy, has been defeated.

Many speculated at the time of 4.16's release that Beth might have been taken by the Termites, just as we all speculate now that Beth may be, somehow, with CRM. I believe this means there's something much more complicated going on in season 5, in terms of the Termites, Grady, and their possible connection to the CRM. Since many TDers do actually believe that Grady was a covert research initiative started or at least sustained by the CRM, the foreshadowing, which holds that, while all this other stuff is going on with Rick's group, Beth is somewhere hidden over the rainbow, feels very much in waiting.

So much of season 4b-5a has been rehashed and repeated over the years and was most recently repeated via Rick and Michonne's reunion in TOWL, that it's bizarre to also look back and say, Hey, how the hell does Daryl fit into all this? Daryl, who actually isn't alone in 4b? Daryl, who actually finds and chooses potential for a relationship? Daryl has, over the course of the series, made friends with compatible women. I am talking about Denise, Connie, Leah, Isabelle. However, not a single one has ever maintained sustained romantic or sexual tension with Daryl. Not one has yet to change his mind about the goodness of people. Each of them, he either leaves or loses, and even if he decides to stay (re: in France), it's due to obligation and inertia, not choice. Daryl has not once consciously chosen to settle down or to make a. home, specifically with a woman, since Beth. He has never run away with a woman into a time of innocence and tabula rasa, starting over for the sake of moving forward, finding peace, and burning the past. He has never found peace. He has never let go of the past.

All of this is to predict that he will, of course. He will get his happy ending, which we've basically been told is the thesis for his spin-off, amidst a flurry of hints that this is related to finding a wife and having a family of his own. Not Rick's family. His own family. And when Carol arrives, fresh from her latest escape attempt, and self-destructing via whatever it is she's running from, she will help him get there, just as he will help her find her faith again. So much like what happens in "Consumed" and, to an inverse degree, "Find Me." In both episodes, it's Carol's attempt and desire to run away which drives Daryl to the mysterious location of a missing blond with whom he once shared a dalliance in the woods.

[olivieblake]

I know it's SO silly to avoid posting spoilers on a fic that was written almost a decade ago but @wonniesverse asked about what happens in chapter 35 or 36 or whatever of Marked (you know the one) and I am putting my answer under the cut!!! it's unfortunately kind of a short answer lol

hi! i am so sorry if i've got the wrong account but i had just recently read the clean and marked dramione series you wrote on ao3, and i was genuinely FLOORED. yep it's me lol this was the first fic i had ever genuinely cried for, the way you expressed hermione's and draco's relationship so well. the fic was written so long ago - in 2016 - and you might have forgotten about it, ahahahah pls but i had one question i simply couldn't ignore for the life of me: when snape used the time turner, he went to another parallel universe, right?

sorry to interrupt you here, but no! he used the time turner to go back in time, within the same universe, in a time loop. as with the events of book 3, there is still only one universe and only one timeline—there are briefly two harrys and two hermiones in the book because they're the ones who used the time-turner, but in this case, only snape went back, so he's the only one who is experiencing both the current timeline and the rewritten past.

so the new universe's hermione and draco could feel the phantom original universe's draco and hermione's experiences, so the original universe must still have been existing and operating alongside the new parallel one, meaning that the original hermione and draco were still there (please correct me if i'm wrong!).

so again, there is only one timeline, but them being able to feel the echoes of other decisions and other lives was meant to be sort of ineffable. magic!!! etc etc

but i was wondering, if that was a separate timeline, what happened to the original universe's draco and hermione if they still existed? i know draco died in the original universe, but i was curious how the original universe's hermione (master of death) lived after that, and if she ever found joy again, or if she only talked to the ghost of draco forever, and i also wonder how theo fared in that original timeline. there are so many other questions i'd like to ask, but i'll keep this as short as i can.

I made a joke in this week's not writing video that the oversaturation of multiverse media has led to some confusion so yeah, the timeline is disrupted and written over, like—oops maybe this is too Aged a reference—but it's like when you record over an existing VHS and the original footage is simply lost. but there is also the concept of a palimpsest, which is what I wanted those echoes of another life to feel like

as for what would have happened if that timeline continued: what the story suggests (the reason snape went back to begin with) is that the timeline is hopeless—draco is dead and can't be resurrected, hermione maybe never moves on, she allows absolute power to corrupt her absolutely. but that was the point of the story, that the pressure point that re-starts the time loop each time is that draco dies and everything goes irreparably wrong from there. you are of course welcome to reimagine something else! but that was the point of writing a story that resets to canon; I was trying to resolve and explain all the places where something doesn't make sense, like whenever an adult makes a terrible and illogical decision

the way that you wrote of hermione's heartbreak truly tore me apart, and i cried unabashedly when i saw draco died. draco loved her so much and she loved him, so to kill one of them would be utter torture, and i hope the original hermione got to find peace or at the very least see draco in the afterlife. theo was so strong too - even though he wished he could be selfish and talk to draco too, he knew he couldn't take even the ghost of draco away from hermione, so he gave up his chance. i cannot even begin to describe how this story broke my heart and mended it again, and i'm happy that at least the hermione and draco in the other parallel universe got their happy ending, but i also worry about the original hermione and draco too. if you've read until here, thank you so so much for just indulging and entertaining this silly question of mine, and i wholly understand if you don't feel like reading this question anymore. nonetheless, regardless of if you read or reply to this message, i just wanted to let you know that this series was truly of the best i have ever read, and i thank you so so much for that. again, if this is the wrong account, i apologize! but the fic was written in 2016, and the author said this was her tumblr account, so i found the best match i could <3

hahahaah it's so funny to me that you would have any doubt that this was me... I still pretty much write endings that people get mad

but thank you so much for caring this much about the story and I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!

[maks-punchout-hyperfixtion]

Punch out headcanons take one

Sorry super punch fans, this is only wii/nes versions

Minor circuit

Glass Joe

Pretty good baker, can't make complex stuff without help though.

Actually retired once after the arcade/nes version of punch out, came back after Gabby jay retired, has had thoughts about it again but keeps remembering that his life would be dull without it. Also his score rested and he still got 99 loses (102 after the wii game)

Has trouble sleeping, uses weighted blankets to help.

Von Kaiser

Your meaning to tell me that dispite being 42 canon years old with some of the most out of pocket head canons ever im the only one that thought it would be funny for him to have a kid be the near opposite of him? Aka he is a dad.

Knows how to cook, doesn't often anymore but still knows

I believe he would like coconuts.no i won't elaborate.

Disco Kid

Likes all kinds of songs, not just disco. Still loves disco though.

Is a relative of kid quick, nobody knows what relation though.

I like the idea that he is friends with aran, i don't ship disco clover but its still a nice pairing we need more.

King Hippo

Can speak English but prefers grunts or noises.

Likes to explain his culture, specifically gifts and other stuff other find meaningless.

Also has a lot of tropical recipes he gives to everyone.

Major circuit

Piston Hondo

Still has that restaurant from the Wii live action ad.

Piston honda? Oh that's his twin.

Definitely has a manga collection. He also has 3 sets of everything. One for display one for reading and one for borrowing. He does not trust aran,soda, bear hugger, and king hippo with them at all.

Bear Hugger

Dad energy. He essentially went and adopted all the boxers with daddy issues, or parent issues in general.

Forced the WVBA to give maple (the bear) a seat in the crowd so she could watch the match, they had to make an entire separate area for her.

Has walked out in the snow with nothing but his overalls and shoes on. That gave everyone a scare forgetting he's used to the cold.

Great Tiger

Uses his clones to do/help with his chores. Once got beaten up by them (a reference of the century here folks)

Once his jewel was stolen and was found in a pawn shop selling for 3 dollars. He was mad at how low the price was then anything.

Once brought his tiger into the shared house, and it immediately broke the couch. The tiger is not allowed in the house anymore.

Don Flamenco

He and Carmen broke up after his first lost, got back together shortly after and forgot the whole issue.

Used bull fighters techniques on bald bull, he would have won if bald bull didn't right hook him into next sunday (literally)

Has tried multiple different types of hair growers, wigs, and more. He is still Balding.

World circuit

Aran Ryan

Actually got in the world circuit fair and square, not by cheating.

He started cheating after some idiot tried to stab him in the ring, good times from the WVBA!

I have a feeling he would say he likes to eat limes raw just to get on everyone's nerves.

Has also gotten confused with his Older brother, spo Aran Ryan, who promptly got a name change after aram started to cheat.

Soda Popinski

None of the boxer can drink his soda because its a legit health hazard to all of them.

Has no clue what the hell is going on 68% of the time.

Has actually used dry ice as a ice pack. This guy isn't human anymore.

Bald Bull

Hates don flamenco with a passion after the bull technique incident.

Is actually calm outside the ring, any public out brust is to get rid of potential paparazzi's (it doesn't work often)

Makes a pretty good calming tea.

Super Macho Man

Once had a horrible movie shoot that made him lose alot of viewer, proceeded to have an early mid life crisis and dye his hair gray.

After his loss with little mac he was more upset at the ladys chasing after little mac rather then him, rather then the sudden drop of viewers (which wasn't even a dent)

Probably had alot of talks about his boxer outfit, you know what im referring too.

Mr. Sandman

Dispite his name, he gets very little sleep. Not like glass joe but still.

He's so strong the WVBA actually has a ambulance on standby whenever he fights.

One time was put up against glass joe, actually laughed, realized it was serious, looked the referee in the eyes and said "if im put up against him ever again we'll need to find a new glass joe" and forfeited the game. Technically if joes score didn't reset it would now be 2-299.

[mcytscienceside]

what kind of infection are these guys facing? Is it a classic zombie virus or something else entirely? Is there anyone so far who is completely gone?

Love the art, by the way

Ty so much for the question!! :D Happy to see people interested in this au!! @gearstorm actually has written up a whole document describing the infection from Pix's pov! I'll put the first part here but if anyone wants more information surrounding infection levels and the strange glitch itself it will be under the read more! --- Glitch Infection Journal Section 2; The glitch By Pixlriffs

Entry #1 stages, symptoms and tracking

It would be good to keep written documentation of what we refer to by many names, but mostly the glitch infection. Because we don't know where it came from, or why, or even how it works beyond observation. 

This ‘infection’ is a glitch that gets into the very core of a player's being and changes their mental and emotional state, only affecting the physical appearance slightly in late stages. We initially thought that those without symptoms were glitch free but using my watcher powers, I've taught myself and Mumbo how to see the infectious code separate from the player code it infects. And now we know that we all have it, but early stages are asymptomatic, treatable but not curable yet, and thankfully not yet contagious. Unfortunately it is also imperceivable without looking directly at the player's code, which is why it's so important that I maintain constant watch of the others with my powers.

I have made a scale to refer to it with. Who had it first and how they got it to the point of being contagious is unknown as most of the server had it by the time we were aware of it. 

A scale of 1-10, here is what each number means.

0, no one but Hermes is completely clean of the virus. He was lucky enough to not go near anyone who was infected to the point of being contagious when this started and has been kept safe since.

1-2, the infection is treatable. It will never go down to 0 unless we find a cure, but it will only go up when around those at 4 or higher and go down with isolation from those whom are contagious. Though it seems other factors affect this. I have no definitive proof, but the current hypothesis towards it is your physical health has something to do with it. Supporting this, is I have been sitting at 2 for some time now without going down but I am also recovering from severe injuries. Meanwhile Joel is suffering in the mental health department but his levels go from 1.5 to 1 at the same rate as Oli who is better off then both of us. 

3-3.5, you have gone past the point of natural recovery. I have yet the chance to observe if 2.5 is too far but do not wish to test it. This is when you'd first notice something is wrong, Shelby having been able to tell without my Sight, but it is subtle according to her. Like a slight itch or pinching in your chest. Easily missable if you weren't paying attention for it. You are unlikely to experience changes to personality at this stage and are not contagious. But your infection will now increase no matter what you do. Proximity to those who are contagious affecting the speed of your own level of infection at this stage remains untested.

4-5, early stages of the infection taking noticeable effect. You are now contagious. Your sanity decreases quickly and significantly, personality changes leading to inability to express empathy and masochistic behavior, and slips of memory occur frequently. As well as violent urges but these seem slightly less common depending on will power. Not being aware you are infected greatly increases vulnerability to these urges.

6-7, Most infected at this stage are unable to recognize bonds and connections to other players, exceptions occurring when the connection was built during early stages of sanity lost in which case they seem to become dependent on each other willing to do anything to protect what little they now hold dear. Players act in cruel and violent ways they never would have done before they got infected, such as building deadly traps and attacking one another on sight. Screaming matches, psychological manipulation, and violent attempts to protect their perceived territory are common.

8-9, all previously mentioned behaviors become even worse. Conversation only occurs when the infected is trying to manipulate you or harm you emotionally or mentally. Depending on what behaviors they have developed as forms of violence, they are likely to try to capture you either for crossing territory, being perceived as a threat, or in worst cases simply for being seen. And will not hesitate to torture you how they see fit when they have you. Their memories seem to become selective at this point, falling to madness and only knowing lust for violence and torment.

10, the only one so far I've seen at 10 is Jimmy. But opposite to Joel's Lore powers, Jimmy is connected to the powers of Law. The order of the world. Truthfully I do not know the extent of his power, but what I do know is the server is sick. Joel tells me Jimmy is likely reflecting the world itself rather than being infected the same way the others are. Fortunately, the world itself does not seem to count as being near contagious stage infection. Unfortunately, Jimmy himself is still contagious. Learned the hard way when we lost Shelby. He acts the most cruel of all the infected server members. I hope that when we find a cure, he doesn't remember what he's done. I don't blame him for what happened and don't want to see him blame himself.

[touyafootfetish]

Back to the Old House

Retracing Our Steps: Touya

series masterlist

a/n: smiths reference let’s go. touya’s big brother duties are still in effect :(

Jaku City already felt like forever ago. For the most part, the league— no, the Paranormal Liberation Front went their separate ways. With Jin dead, and Compress arrested (as well as Gigantomachia captured), there weren't many league members left.

Touya hadn't been hanging around the others too much, but Himiko was stuck to his side like a leech most of the time. Though, this was nothing new. Her best friend had been murdered, and the only other person who could put up with her whimsical nonsense was jailed.

Touya didn't push her away. Whether it was because he didn't care to, or because he couldn't bring himself to— he'd never tell.

She was an irritating pest, but she was a pest who made his life a little less quiet. Because when Himiko Toga was around, he never felt alone.

The girl was bubbly and loved to talk about everything from crushes to wanting to kill everyone she hated. There was never a dull moment with her. But Touya suspected this kind of behavior was normal for teenage girls— in which Touya has no idea about.

He grew up with a sister, but he hasn't seen her since she was twelve. Whatever. None of that was important right now. He had other things to think about. Better things, even.

"Hey, Touya," The scar-ridden man turned sat up from the couch he was lying on to see his insufferable companion coming over to him, both hands behind her. "Can you help me with something?" the girl asked.

Her usually done-up hair now fell gracefully to her shoulders. She must've just finished brushing it, Touya figured. He rolled his eyes, shifting around until he sat upright. Annoyance was clear in his features, but that didn't stop Himiko from smiling and approaching him without a care.

"What do you want? I'm busy."

"You don't look busy!" Himiko quipped, stopping right in front of Touya.

There was a pause in which they both just stared at each other before Himiko cleared her throat. "After Big Sis Mag was killed..." she trailed off, causing Touya to raise a brow. "Jin liked to help me with my hair."

Her expression became one of sorrow, the loss of her friends weighing down on her. Even with her hands behind her back, Touya could see a wooden hairbrush clutched tightly in her hand. He had a rough idea of what she wanted, and he honestly had nothing else to do.

His mind had been running wild ever since the fight with the heroes ended. He couldn't stop thinking of his family, and the look on his father's face as he revealed himself to the world. Maybe this would be a good distraction to get his mind straight again.

He sighed, holding out his hand. "Give it here. I'll do your damn hair," he said. Well, it was enough to bring her smile back. She thrust her brush into his hand and dropped down on the floor between his legs. "What do you want?"

Himiko hummed as she thought about it. "Twin buns, like I usually have." she decided. Simple enough. Not surprisingly, the girl's hair was tangled. She never ran brush through it unless she felt like it.

Luckily, Touya was up for the challenge to defeat the rat's nest.

The blonde was going on about something, but her words were tuned out as Touya became lost in thought, scarred fingers carding through the section he just brushed.

For whatever reason, doing this for Himiko felt familiar... in a comforting sort of way. He'd been here before. Sat just like this with a brush in his left hand.

Slowly, he continued dragging the brush through her hair as an unfamiliar feeling made a home inside him. Something warm swelled in his chest as his vision blurred, staring off into space. He used to do this for his sister— sitting just like how he sat with his colleague.

Hands tangled up in snow white hair, he whined and complained about how complicated all this was, but he wound up doing it anyway because she had asked so nicely. Next to him was a small wooden box of clips and pretty bows all in a jumble.

The girl in front of him sat patiently while she went on about her school day while he barely listened— too frustrated in trying to braid her hair to pay attention.

The feeling inside him grew stronger, even as he grew more and more irritated— simply because he was here. He was at home with the people he cared about.

"There. I'm all done, 'yumi."

She turned her head and Touya's eyes widened as she looked at him. For he was met with eyes that shined of gold rather than the familiar grey ones that made everything feel alright.

"What? Who's Yumi?" Himiko asked.

Touya's mouth hung open slightly as he tried to think of something to say. But before he could, Himiko let out a frustrated groan.

"This is a braid, Touya! And it's not even a good one," Of course.

This wasn't Fuyumi, and he wasn't back at that house. He felt stupid, wondering why he was even thinking about any of this. Besides, he was sure Fuyumi herself long forgot the time they spent together as children... so why was he thinking about it?

It's not like he missed her or anything.

Right?

He didn't care about his family. He only cared about making his father's life a living hell and finally forcing the old man to acknowledge him for once. That had nothing to do with the heavy feeling in his settling in his heart.

He hated his family and he hated that house. That's what he'd been telling himself ever since he ran away. They didn't mean a damn thing to him and it would stay that way until he was good and dead.

No, that was a lie. He knew it and he hated it. Truthfully, deep down inside himself, he knew it wasn’t true. He didn’t hate his family.

He couldn’t hate them even if he tried— no matter how much he wanted to hate them, he just couldn’t. It was incredibly frustrating and all so fucked up. He didn’t really hate Shouto. He didn’t even hate his father, despite his claims. He still wanted his attention. He wanted to be looked at— to be seen.

As for the rest of his family, well, he couldn’t pinpoint exactly how he felt about them. He knew that he liked hanging out with Natsuo when they were kids, and that he liked watching horror films with Fuyumi late at night. And maybe… just maybe he wanted that back.

Touya used to think about what would’ve happened if when he came home— what if he walked in on a different scene?

What if when he came home that day, he saw his family gathered around the table? What if he saw his father praying at the shrine? Would he have looked at him then?

He would imagine his father looking up after a long, silent prayer only to see his long-lost son standing next to him, alive and safe. Touya would like to think they would’ve hugged, and for a real long time too.

He would’ve liked that, wouldn’t he?

When he woke up in the hospital, he thought of his mother as well. When he realized he was lucky enough to have a second chance, he wanted to apologize to her for all the cruel things he said. He would’ve apologized to Shouto, because he knew it wasn’t the boy’s fault.

It’s not like he even asked to be born, right? He only existed because of their father’s greed and selfish desires.

And… right.

That wasn’t his life. All those childish wishes would continue to be just that because there was no going back. He couldn’t have the life he wanted, and the child cast away somewhere in his mind was frustrated. It wasn’t fair that he turned out this way.

He wanted to be a hero, dammit. He wanted to be a hero his father would be proud to have raised. Proud to acknowledge.

Touya wasn’t going to allow himself to be vulnerable right now. When did he ever? He focused his attention on undoing the braid he’d given Himiko. The braid he wished he could practice on his little sister just once more for old times sake.

“Do you ever miss your family, Touya?” Himiko asked out of the blue. She had noticed his silence, and she figured something was on his mind. Something serious enough for him to actually keep his mouth shut.

“No, of course not. Now shut up and stop moving or I’ll mess it up again.”

a/n: **EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER** ik ik long awaited but I finally got to finishing this shitfest

wc: 1.4K

[raccoonfallsharder]

Do you consider Rocket to be the most psychologically/emotionally complex character in the MCU? Maybe even a bit outside the MCU? 'Cause like, I do love Nebula and Loki, but seeing some people say that they had the best arcs and not mention Rocket at all is a bit saddening. Nebula had a significant part of her development basically skipped (the five years) and Loki practically speedran his organic character growth by watching a youtube clip of his death (I know there's more to it than that, but it still doesn't feel very satisfying).

Would love to hear your thoughts on this though!

baby raindrop, little chickadee, you perfect sprinkle ~

this is a complex question and i'm going to give you a complex answer. sorry you knew exactly what you were getting when you came to my asks (and i love it, thank you ♡ thank you ♡). this is messy and ill-thought-out, just a complete vomit of thoughts into my phone right now

so i'm going to (try to) answer two things here. the first is your actual question: is rocket the most psychologically/emotionally complex character in the mcu + maybe beyond? then i am going to share why i think he gets overlooked, which wasn't really your question but i can never shut the fuck up ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

so. is rocket the most psychologically/emotionally complex character in the mcu + maybe beyond?

i think this depends on whether you believe a character is only what a writer puts on paper (or on the screen).

rocket has the most psychologically and emotionally developed narrative in the mcu, for sure (imo). but that's not quite the same as being the most complex.

let's take captain america, for example. arguably the most boring character in the mcu. but this guy does have complexity - complexity that was never realized on screen. there was so much opportunity for the mcu to do something with him beyond a brief mention of peggy dying, or a joke about him recognizing a wizard-of-oz reference. like, that's fucking sad?? the whole world has changed? he's lost everyone he ever loved? but we're gonna boil it down to a list of movies he's trying to watch to get caught up on pop culture, and maybe a particularly devastating blow to a punching bag.

i think the complexity is there for almost every character in the mcu pantheon, but it is consistently ignored in favor of putting explosions on the screen. i would argue that rocket is the mcu character whose story has been told the most personally and the most lovingly, with the most attention to his experience and how it makes him move through the world, and that is why it seems the most complex.

want better characters? hire writers who are personally invested in those characters. i will say it a million times. i will scream it from the rooftops. disney, hire me (jk jk).

i do have a lot of loki thoughts but i don't want to derail from rocket here. but i'll share separately if you want!

now. why does everyone overlook rocket? honestly, because gunn did too good of a job lol. i'm kidding. mostly.

look, part of rocket's whole thing (his trauma, his characterization, his history) is that he is overlooked and underestimated, since day one, by almost everyone that ever came in contact with him except batch 89, groot senior, and maybe groot junior and nebula. oh and maybe thor.

we can blame that on his appearance, his social class, his general scrappiness, the stereotype of a lack of hygiene (raccoons are actually naturally pretty hygienic, grooming themselves like cats and digging latrines), or his bad attitude, but it's such a baked-in part of his character that like. of course the audience does it too. people dismiss this guy all the time (fellow characters as well as audiences) because he's fucken raccoon scrounging for units. (similarly, i think this relates to why people read tony's "tech-genius" moments more clearly than rocket's: because classism.)

this, combined with the fact that i think gotg has more niche appeal than the wider mcu (wild to me), means people just don't think of rocket the way they should when it comes to weighing out character development and progression.

rocket raccoon will always, always be overlooked and underestimated. but i think if we can take anything from the movies, it's this: it doesn't fucking matter.

he's still learned how to be happy, regardless of what other people think.