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nobodybetterlookatme · 1 year ago

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Finally got my shit together and finished a WIP lmao. My sweet, sad little blorbo from my brain who lives rent free in my head 💙 He needs love and affection so badly but I simply refuse to give him any, he just gets to be miserable 😌

Anyway, medical content (set in a hospital), contagion risk, bit of mess but it's not descriptive, I absolutely did not read this over so yeah there's probably mistakes

Aditya was too much of a people pleaser for his own good, unable to bear the thought of letting his coworkers down, even when he absolutely needed to take the day off. He had come down with quite the cold, and was currently stumbling his way through a tedious 24 hour shift at the hospital. He would admittedly much rather be in bed at home with blankets piled on top of him, sniffling and sneezing into tissues provided by another person, perhaps sipping on some warm tea while they rubbed his back. But that was nothing more than a fruitless dream; it had been far longer than Aditya cared to think about since he'd had someone like that in his life, or at least someone who was readily available.

Even in his last relationship, he hadn’t been on the receiving end of care and affection, though Aditya so generously counted it as a time he had. He desperately missed having someone to go home to, someone to hold after a particularly exhausting day, someone to make food for. So far, it seemed that maybe that just wasn't in the stars for him. Besides, he reasoned, he was needed at the hospital, and it saved him from having to return to his empty house that felt less and less like a home everyday.

Going about his rounds was less than ideal; his head throbbed with congestion, and it took everything in him to hold back sneezes when he went in to see patients. Even entering notes into one of the rickety old computers seemed like such an arduous task, his head pounding and his eyes aching, further exacerbated by the fact that he'd so stupidly forgotten his reading glasses at home. He was normally so in his element in the ER, never overwhelmed by the fast pace of the department and the bustling people. Today, though, he was clearly in over his head.

Thick sniffles punctuated every sentence, as well as irritated coughs, and the persistent itch in his nose that just wouldn't go away. He tried wrinkling his nose, subtly rubbing at it, just trying to make the tingling sensation go away. Aditya figured he should consider himself lucky that he could even hold back any of his sneezes, though the consequence was being unable to get any sort of relief. His nose kept running, and he was constantly having to wipe it with a tissue or the back of his wrist. He was a sorry sight; hitching breath and watery eyes, a curled finger pressed beneath his nose in an effort to keep himself from sneezing. He was trying desperately to not appear too symptomatic in front of his patients and colleagues, though it was mostly in vain. The patients didn't seem to notice nor care about the state he was in, but the other hospital personnel definitely did, and he honestly didn't even want to know what they thought of him right now.

Never in his life had Aditya been so grateful for the veteran nurses and ER technicians, which was saying something, because he was always grateful for them. They all less than gently pushed him out of the patients' rooms and simply had him sign off on charts and treatments, much to his dismay. Talking to the patients was his favorite part of the job; patient care was the entire reason he'd gone through all of those hellish years of medical school, after all. Though, considering he could barely even hold a conversation without his voice cracking or his breath hitching every few words as he fought back the urge to sneeze, it was probably for the best that the other staff members were letting him do the bare minimum in terms of patient contact. Even just submitting referrals for patients was a nightmare, sniffling constantly and tightly pinching his nose between his thumb and forefinger to keep himself from sneezing. He looked so pathetic, eventually a couple of the nurses either took pity on him, or just wanted to be rid of his incessant sniffles for a while, and talked him into taking a break when things slowed down. Aditya was in absolutely no condition to argue, and simply offered a tired, grateful smile before pushing himself away from the computer.

He didn't even know if he wanted to head all the way over to the hospital staff break room, and opted to head to the first responder break room; it was much closer, and really, all he wanted to do was get off his feet for a bit. He pushed open the door, and sat heavily in one of the chairs, his entire body cold and aching. Logically, he knew he should’ve called out, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it; the guilt would’ve killed him quicker than this cold was going to.

"H'aATSCHEW! Hah- hk'ESCHEW!" Aditya pitched forward, barely managing to pull a tissue from his pocket and cup it over his nose before a couple desperate, messy sneezes exploded out of him. He sniffled thickly, coughing a couple times as his nose itched terribly. "Hh'ESCHEEW! hAH'KESHEW! Hh- heh- hH- heh'ETSCHEWW! hh'aASCHEW! hk'ATSCHEW!" He let out a quiet, relieved moan; it felt so good to finally be able to allow himself to sneeze after barely managing to hold it back all day.

"Yikes, that doesn't sound too good."

Aditya's head snapped up at the sound of another voice, managing a small smile at the familiar face of the friendly firefighter paramedic. "Hey, Levi," he croaked, sniffling and rubbing his nose with the soggy tissue in his hand. "Yeah, I- I've definitely caught a cold…"

Levi hummed, pulling up a chair and sitting beside him, placing the back of her hand on his forehead. "Mm, you're a little warm, but not too bad. You sound awful, though," she told him, pulling her hand away again.

He wished her hand had stayed on his forehead for a bit longer, yearning for a tender, caring touch, though he didn’t dare voice it. "I feel awful," he muttered, blowing his nose and letting out a few more irritated coughs. "But we're understaffed, and I kinda have to be here, so…"

She rolled her eyes. "It's emergency medicine. We're always understaffed. Doesn't stop everyone else from calling out all the time," she told him. "You'd tell anyone else to go home."

"I know, I know," he sighed, sniffling again. Aditya didn’t have a good excuse for that. Sure, he could tell her that he wasn't everyone else, that that didn't apply to him, that he had to be there, but he knew Levi would rip him a new one if he said any of it out loud. "But I can still be of use here. And I'm only working a 24 this time, so it's not that bad."

"A 24, if you're lucky," she replied, giving him a sympathetic look.

Aditya nodded ruefully. "If I'm lucky," he echoed, sniffling again as he tried to keep his nose from running.

"Holy shit, man, is that your voice right now?" Another medic walked in, raising a brow at Aditya. "You sound like shit."

Aditya sighed, waving at him. "Nice to see you, too, Matthew," he muttered, coughing as quietly as he could into the tissue.

"Lay off, Parker," Levi hissed, shooting him a pointed look. "He's sick."

"Yeah, no shit," Matthew responded, choosing to sit on the table rather than opting for a chair, resting his elbows on his knees as he leaned closer to Aditya, looking the doctor up and down. "You got the plague or somethin'? What am I working with here?"

"Just a cold," Aditya assured him, sniffling again and rubbing his nose, trying and failing to stave off another sneeze. "H'ESHEW! hk'aATSCHEW! Hah- hh- hHH- h'ASCHEEW! hah'ETSCHEWW! hh'keESCHHEW!" He let out a quiet whine as he rubbed his red, swollen nose.

Matthew stared at him for a moment. "Goddamn. Alright, whatever you say," he muttered, shaking his head. Like Levi, he reached out to place his palm on Aditya's forehead, checking him for a fever. Unsatisfied with just that, Matthew pressed the backs of his fingers against his cheek. "Eh, you're not too feverish. You'll live."

Matthew's hand was calloused, but kind, his touch sweetly disarming to Aditya, who he couldn’t help but lean into his hand. He let his eyes slip shut, saying nothing, but feeling entirely too much. He wasn't entirely accustomed to any touch being so mercifully soft, and he couldn’t help but let out a sigh, allowing his body to relax a bit as he sucked in another sniffle.

Matthew froze in place, glancing over at Levi, who simply shrugged, and slightly nodded her head towards Aditya, silently urging him to continue on. With that, Matthew shifted his attention back to the sick doctor, gently rubbing his cheek with a finger, trying to comfort him, the stubble on Aditya's face a reminder that he'd need to shave himself soon.

Levi stood up to retrieve a box of tissues, then sat back down with it in her lap, offering a couple to Aditya. "Here. You look like you could use a whole lot more of these," she commented, giving him a lopsided smile.

He nodded, taking the tissues from her and managing a small, shy smile. Reluctantly, he leaned away from Matthew's touch, blowing his nose as quietly as he could, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment that all of the attention was on him. He coughed a few more times, desperately trying to keep his cold to himself, though he never was the best at containing his germs. His nose began twitching again, his breath hitching as he tried to fight back the urge to sneeze again, sniffling helplessly. "C-can I- hh- can I have an-nother ti- hiiH- hih’SCHEWW! hah'ETSCHEW! hk'ATSCHEW! h'aASCHHEEW!"

Levi couldn't manage to hand him a tissue in time, but was successfully able to grab a couple more tissues and cup them over his nose herself. If nothing else, at least being a paramedic meant her reflexes for catching other people's bodily fluids were razor sharp. The box of tissues had fallen off her lap when she'd jumped up, her free hand around his shoulders to provide gentle support as he pitched forward into her hand, the sneezes exploding out of him. "I got you," she murmured, rubbing his back soothingly.

Aditya sniffled miserably, his eyes squeezed tightly shut, not wanting to look at either of them after that display. "S-sorry…" he squeaked, coughing a few times into the tissues Levi still held for him, blushing heavily, wanting to reach up to take them from her, but being too mortified to move.

"It's fine, Adi. Really," she assured him, sliding her arm around him to give him a side hug and giving him a gentle squeeze. "We're all friends here."

Matthew nodded in agreement, reaching a hand out to affectionately ruffle Aditya's hair. "You want a coffee?" He asked, sliding himself off the table and walking towards the coffee maker in the break room. "It's what Hawkins and I came here for in the first place, so we're making some, anyway."

"Oh, yeah, I'll fucking die if I have to run another call before I can get any caffeine in my system," Levi replied, giving Aditya a wry smile. "Something warm might do you some good, though."

Aditya thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, that's- yeah, please. That sounds really nice," he said, glancing up at Levi, then over to Matthew, his tired eyes filled with immense gratitude. He tried his best to swallow down a fit of coughs, but couldn't manage to hold them back, and ducked his head, coughing into his hand.

Levi patted his back as he coughed, frowning in concern. "I know damn well a cough this bad didn't start just now," she muttered, soothingly rubbing his back as his coughing died down. "How long have you been sick?"

"All day…" he admitted, his voice weak. "I woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose, and it's just been getting worse… I ha- haah- haven't been able to stop sn- snee- hh'ESCHEEW! heh'eESCHHEW! heh'ETSCHEW! hah'kESCHHEWW! ht'SCHEEW! hh- hhH- hH'aASCHEW!" Aditya groaned, leaning forward to rub his aching nose with his fingers, his sinuses throbbing with congestion.

She winced in sympathy, picking up the tissue box and wordlessly holding it out to him. "Have you taken anything for this yet?" She asked, tilting her head slightly.

Aditya shook his head, taking a few tissues and blowing his nose several times, trying fruitlessly to clear his blocked nose. "Everything that helps makes me tired," he replied, sniffling thickly. "And I can't afford to be any more tired than I already am."

Levi hummed. "At least get some cough drops or something," she murmured, setting the tissues on the table in front of him. "Or, like, some Vick's."

"Or ibuprofen," Matthew butted in, dividing the coffee he'd made into three to-go cups.

Levi looked over her shoulder at him, narrowing her eyes at him. "He's on escitalopram, stupid," she told him, sticking her tongue out at him.

Matthew rolled his eyes. "Just call it lexapro, you pretentious bitch," he shot back, sticking his tongue out in return.

She gave an eyeroll of her own. "I didn't suffer through pharmacology to not use actual drug names."

"And I didn't go into the fire service to have to use them."

"Sort of came with the medic license, though, didn't it?"

"So did the neck and shoulder pain. Doesn't mean I have to enjoy it."

Levi gave him a smug little smile. "So you admit that you have to use the proper terms, then? That it's not just optional for your dumb little firefighter brain?"

He snorted. "Shut the fuck up. We wear the same uniform." Matthew brought two of the cups back over to the table, setting one down and handing the other to Aditya with an easy smile. "A couple ibuprofen won't kill you, ya know."

Aditya held the cup in his hands, sniffling softly as he looked down at it. "I- I know that, but I just-" He sighed, taking a sip of the steaming beverage and grimacing; plain black coffee was always far too bitter for him, and it didn't help that it was the shitty break room coffee. "I just don't want to…"

Levi grabbed the cup Matthew had set on the table, attempting to gulp it all down in one go, but stopping immediately when the scalding liquid burned her tongue and damn near made her choke. She shook her head, then took a much slower sip as she looked over at Matthew, giving him a playful, knowing smirk. "He actually cares about his health. I know what a foreign concept that is to you, Parker."

He scoffed, and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," he huffed, going back to grab the other cup of coffee for himself. He glanced over at Aditya as he brought the cup to his lips. "Acetaminophen, then?"

Aditya thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, that's fine," he replied softly, feeling rather ashamed about the fact that he'd declined ibuprofen. He knew it worked better for him, he knew the chances of anything terrible happening were slim, but he just couldn’t bring himself to risk it. He barely even touched caffeine these days, as much as he could use it, too paranoid that something would go wrong. The coffee in his hands was an exception, he reasoned, and besides, it wasn't like he was even planning on drinking all of it. He took another sip, and sniffled again. "Sorry…"

Levi arched a brow. "What are you apologizing for?" She asked, sitting back down and swinging her legs a bit as she drank her coffee.

He was silent for a moment, trying to think of a response that wouldn't earn a lecture from the two firefighters. His breath hitched as he built up to another sneeze, saving him from having to answer. "hh- huhh- hHH- h'ASCHEEW! hah'ESCHEWW! hh'keESCHHEW! hk'aATSCHEW! h'ESCHEWW!" Aditya sneezed towards his lap, immediately beginning to cough once he'd finished, blood rushing to his already rosy cheeks as he fought for desperate little gasps of air between coughs.

"Fucking christ, man," Matthew muttered as he drank his coffee, looking at Aditya over the rim of the cup. "Don't keel over in here, of all places."

"Best place to do it, though, honestly," Levi replied, sighing as she gave Aditya a worried look. "Seriously, though, are you gonna be alright?"

He nodded. "I'll be fine," he whispered, not daring to speak louder lest he set off another coughing fit. "I know you guys have to get back to work."

"Yeah, unfortunately," Matthew grumbled, quickly gulping down the rest of his coffee and tossing the cup in the trash can. "I'll go grab some tylenol from the rig real quick. Oh, and we have hella pre-workout, if you need the extra energy boost."

Levi nodded. "Shit ton of flavors, too." She rolled her eyes playfully at Aditya's slightly horrified look. "Don't look at us like that. We've gotta survive those 3am calls somehow."

"That's- I'll manage without it," he replied, rubbing his nose with the back of his wrist.

"I'll just grab the pills, then," Matthew said, heading for the door.

"Parker!" Levi called, stopping him before he left. "They're in my-"

"I know where you keep them," he cut her off, continuing out the door and walking to the ambulance. He grabbed a couple pills from Levi's bag, then quickly brought them back, and offered them to the doctor, who quickly accepted them.

Aditya swallowed them down with a few more small sips of coffee, looking up to meet Matthew's eyes. "Thanks," he croaked, coughing a couple more times.

"Mhm, no problem. Just try not to die, will ya?" He said, giving him a grin.

Levi shot Matthew a look, then gave Aditya a pat on the shoulder before checking her watch and standing up. "We should probably get going before dispatch loses their shit at us," she muttered, taking another sip of her coffee.

Matthew groaned, and tossed the keys to her, chuckling when she fumbled them and glared at him. "No way in hell am I driving again. You can do it for the next few hours," he said, stepping out of the break room before Levi could argue.

She huffed, though the smile on her face told him that she wasn't actually annoyed. She turned to look at Aditya one last time as she followed after Matthew. "We'll text you later," she told him, walking towards the door. "Maybe we can swing by your place once we clock out?"

That earned a genuine smile from Aditya, who nodded, his tired eyes brightening just a bit. "That'd be nice," he agreed, waving at them both as they walked out. His smile fell a bit as he watched the pair walk out together, Matthew laughing as he ruffled Levi's hair. For all their banter and playful bickering, it was clear that they really did care deeply about the other. Aditya didn’t know if he was jealous, or just lonely. He sighed, grabbing a couple handfuls of tissues and pocketing them, then grabbing one more to blow his nose into. He tossed the mostly untouched coffee and used tissues into the trash as he walked out, sniffling as he got back to work.

The poor man looked absolutely abysmal, his eyes watery and his nose red, taking in raspy breaths through his chapped lips. He was fortunate that none of the patients in the ER were critical, or needed a diagnosis or treatment that required much brain power. His job right now was just looking over the EKG results the techs ran, consulting with the nurses, checking in on patients and discussing treatment, and signing discharge papers, all of which was more than alright with him. It left him with more time to reconsider his life's choices.

His head was throbbing, and his sinuses felt like they were packed with concrete, and he was wondering why he'd even decided to work in a goddamn emergency department in the first place. It was miserable at best more than half the time, and truly, the nurses and ER techs did more for the patients than he ever did. Perhaps he would've been better off if he'd picked a different specialty; maybe cardiology, or even OB.

Or maybe he could've been a paramedic, had he wanted to stay in emergency medicine. The pay was much worse, but he could handle that if it meant he could still help people, and he'd always be working with a partner. Maybe even one he'd be close to, like Levi and Matthew were. The ER was a lonely place for him, despite the fact that he was constantly surrounded by a plethora of people, and the idea of working on an ambulance for hours with the same person to talk to and laugh with sounded awfully enticing, though he couldn't help but wonder if he was romanticizing it. And besides, he reasoned, it was too impersonal for him. The idea of picking someone up and handing them over to someone else to probably never see again didn't sit well with him at all. That, and his parents would’ve absolutely killed him had he even suggested a career in the medical field that was anything less than a doctor.

Another fit of deep, rattling coughs shook him from his thoughts. Adventitious breaths reverberated through his lungs, and he knew that he would undoubtedly hear the telltale sounds of rhonchi he was so used to hearing in his patients if he were to check. Tears stung at his eyes, though he managed to hold them back, albeit just barely. He groaned softly, shutting his eyes for just a moment and massaging his temples. Aditya cracked his eyes open again, and glanced at his watch, which told him that he was still on the clock for entirely too long. He thought for a moment about going home sick, but those thoughts were quickly dashed when one of the ER techs practically materialized in front of him, charts in hand.

"EKG from the patient in room 26," they said, handing it to Aditya. "Looks like a STEMI."

Fuck. So much for an easy rest of the day. He took the EKG, looking it over. Or, more accurately, squinting at it. On a good day without his reading glasses, it was a bit of a struggle to make out the thin lines of a cardiac rhythm, but he was sick, and gods, he couldn’t see shit, let alone make out an ST elevation. After a couple more seconds of struggling, he gave up, and decided to just trust the tech's judgment; they were rarely ever wrong, and they saw the patients for far longer and far more often than he did. "...I'll page cardio," he replied, immediately clearing his throat and coughing a couple more times when he realized just how awful he sounded. "Can you move the patient to the trauma bay?"

"Already on it." The tech took the EKG back, then turned around and walked off again.

Aditya tried desperately not to sneeze as he sent for one of the cardiologists on call, then headed for the trauma bay, his head foggy. It was already crowded with nurses and techs, bustling around and working with practiced ease. Aditya felt like he was playing the hardest game of jump rope, trying to figure out where to jump in and when. Normally, he was so good at figuring out where he was needed and what he was supposed to be doing, but the lights were so blindingly bright, and it was entirely too loud, and he felt like his head might split open.

Mercifully, the cardiologist arrived, taking a copy of the patient's EKG and looking it over once before handing it right back. "STEMI," he confirmed, already backing out of the trauma bay. "Bring her up to the cath lab when she's ready."

Aditya could work with that. He sniffled once more before pulling on a pair of gloves and placing himself at the patient's head as the nurses started IVs. "I need an intubation kit." He spoke as loud as he could manage, but it still wasn't much with how absolutely wrecked his throat felt. Nonetheless, it worked, and he was handed what was needed. He thought for a moment, then glanced over at one of the techs, blinking blearily at her for a moment as he struggled to form the words he wanted to say in his mind. "Um… did you- the patient, did- did anyone.. give her anything..?" He internally cringed at how bad that sounded, but he couldn’t think of a different way to ask in his current state.

She blinked at him, raising a brow in confusion. "...medication?" She asked, to which Aditya nodded. "Oh, yeah. Riley gave 5cc diazepam and 1cc midazolam IV a few minutes ago." She nodded her head towards one of the nurses.

Aditya nodded again. At least he knew that meant he was free to intubate, and he was certain he could manage to do that with practiced ease. Though, that was provided he didn't sneeze, which was a horrific thought, but one that was entirely likely. He sniffled thickly, and wrinkled his nose, trying to ward off the persistent tickle. He tilted the patient's head back and anchored it, then grabbed the blade, carefully inserting it into her mouth. Another sniffle, a squint to find the larynx, and he passed the tube through the trachea, breathing a sigh of relief when it went in smoothly.

He cleared his throat and swallowed, sniffling again as he removed his stethoscope from around his neck and checked the patient's breathing on both sides for a couple moments before giving the respiratory therapist a thumbs up and taking a step back, looping his stethoscope back around his neck. He watched the RT ventilate the patient for a moment, his gaze following the patient as one of the nurses and a tech helped wheel the patient out of the trauma bay and in the direction of the elevator.

He let out a soft sigh as the rest of the staff cleared the bay, then pulled off his gloves and threw them away. He held a hand beneath one of the hand sanitizer dispensers, and rubbed it into his hands, the strong scent of alcohol immediately hitting his already sensitive nose. Aditya's nostrils began flaring, his breath hitching, eyes tearing up as the urge to sneeze grew too overwhelming to ignore.

"Hh- hiiH- hhH- hHHH- hk'eESHEWW! hh'ESCHEW!" He sneezed desperately into his hand, coughing a few times and groaning, fishing another tissue from his pocket with his free hand and blowing his nose. He scrubbed at it with the tissue, wincing at the rough material scraping against his sore nose.

He felt like a walking biohazard, attempting to blow his nose one last time before tossing the soggy tissue into the trash and washing his hands. He felt awful exposing his coworkers to his cold, but at this point, it would be more trouble than it was worth to go home early. And besides, it was just a cold. He couldn’t justify going home over a stupid cold. He would simply have to finish up his shift, and hope that no big emergency happened so he wouldn't have to think and he could go home on time.

Luckily for him, the next few hours went by as smoothly as they could, and he clocked out and headed for his car. As he pulled out of the parking lot, he considered stopping somewhere to get food before heading home, but decided against it. He was exhausted, and didn't have much of an appetite, anyway. He tried to recall if he'd eaten at the hospital, but his brain was too foggy to remember if he'd allowed himself another break or stopped to grab a snack. It didn't matter, he decided, pulling into his driveway. He could always eat later.

Aditya was dead tired by the time he managed to drag himself into his house, practically falling through the door, but managing to keep himself upright. He briefly considered showering, figuring it might at least chase away some of his chills and relieve a bit of his congestion, but he decided against that, too; there was no way he could stay standing that much longer, and he didn't have the energy to run a bath.

"Hh- hhH- hiH- hh'keESCHHEW! h'ESCHEW! hhhH- huh'eETSCHEEW! hah'ETSCHEWW! hk'aATSCHEW!" Aditya let out several messy sneezes, sniffling miserably. He didn't bother covering his mouth; he was alone, anyway, and a quick glance at his watch reminded him that he would be for quite a while.

A bit of moisture clung to his eyelashes, which he tried to blink away, but the constant itch of his nose kept rewetting his eyes. He was absolutely miserable, curling up on the couch and clutching a pillow, close to tears as he held it tightly to his chest.

"h'ASCHEEW! hh'aASCHEWW! h'eESCHHEW! heh'ETSCHEW! ht'SCHEEW! hah'kESCHHEWW!" He could barely draw in a breath between sneezes, which he muffled into the pillow he held, sniffling and wiping his nose on it. Aditya let out a few painful coughs, groaning in agony at his aching throat and sore chest.

Everything hurt, and his limbs felt like lead. "hh'ESCHeww..!" He was too tired and breathless to even let out a satisfying sneeze, though it was still just as messy and productive as the rest, thick spray covering the pillow he was sneezing into.

Finally, the sob he'd been holding back choked its way out of his mouth, followed quickly by tears, like the first clap of thunder before the rain. His shoulders shook as he tried not to make a sound, having no reason to be silent, but having been conditioned to. His sniffles were the loudest thing about him, though the quiet whimpers coming from him were audible, as well.

Aditya coughed harshly, his body trembling. He wished more than anything that he wasn't alone, that someone would come through the door and help him, but like always, he was suffering alone and in silence. At best, Levi and Matthew would still be another few hours, and that was if they remembered he existed.

Truly, Aditya loved his friends, but their schedules tended to be less than predictable. And besides, it was stupid of him to expect them to come over right after they'd finished what he hoped was only a 48 hour shift. They both needed rest, too, and gods knew they deserved it, but the thought of being sick all by himself made him cry harder.

His cough was only getting worse, the fits much more frequent and intense now that he wasn't trying to hold them back. He was so tired, and his body was aching terribly. Aditya couldn't bring himself to move at all, not wanting to worsen the dull throb of congestion in his head. He was so cold, but couldn't muster the strength to even pull the blanket that was draped over the couch over his trembling body, trying to think of the last time he had felt so unwell, and what he had done then.

"hahH'ESCHHEW! hhk'eETSCHEWW! Hh- hhh- hHH- hh'kECHEWW! h'SCHHHEWW! h'ASCHEEW! hh'aASCHEWW! hah'ETSCHEWW!" His sneezes were constant, but no amount of them could satiate the itch in his nose. He sniffled, resorting to breathing through his mouth, which only irritated his throat more.

With a groan of discomfort, Aditya shut his eyes, trying to fall asleep before he started sneezing or coughing again. He held the pillow tighter, trying to imagine that he wasn't all alone, though he knew he was. Still, it couldn't hurt to just pretend for a while. He buried his face into the pillow, letting it absorb both his snot and his tears as he managed to doze off into a light, fitful sleep, too exhausted to do anything other than try to sleep. He could only hope that he would have the energy to at least attempt to take care of himself when he woke up.

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bylightofdawn · 11 months ago

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Dear Star Wars Fans

It's Hot Take time with El.

I am sooooooo fucking sick of seeing these "Weh, Star Wars sucks now posts" or "Disney keeps putting out the bad stuff and is RUINING MY CHILDHOOD" posts.

It's legitimately like I'm being transported back to the '90s/early 2000s forums where endless fanboys were whinging over Lucus ruining Star Wars with the prequels. And BTW, they have not stopped in the past 20 years. They will continue to be pedantic and toxic and generally pessimistic about everything.

So to come to Tumblr and see that same mentality being shoveled about like three pounds of horseshit that cross my dash at least once a day. And well, I'm grumpy enough this afternoon to go off.

Hot Take Point One: Just because YOU don't like a show or a series doesn't mean your opinion is the majority. There is someone out there who loves the season you're proclaiming is the worst thing ever. That character you detest is someone's special blorbo and the ship you despise is someone's OTP. And that is okay; their tastes are entirely valid, and your experience is not universal. You are not a peerless bastion of flawless good taste and the supreme authority on Star Wars.

How do I know this? Cause you're on this hellsite and you like Star Wars.

I'm not naive enough to expect people to not bitch about and complain about things they don't like, and honestly, you're allowed to do that. I encourage you to do it. I want people to keep in the back of their minds that it's their opinion and that it's not universal. And their opinion is no better than another person's. Even someone who you think has a shitty opinion or ships something 'problematic'. If you're going to proclaim someone else has dogshit taste, I would encourage you to look into the mirror and realize someone else thinks your tastes are dogshit as well. And fuck right off with canon is the only real and valid opinion. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES DISNEY HAS CHANGED CANON? They can't make up their fucking minds; nothing is set in stone, so just enjoy what you enjoy and let other people enjoy what they want. We're all here because we supposedly love this fandom, right? I feel like people have lost sight of that point. We're supposed to love Star Wars, and it should bring us together as a fandom, not tear us apart. But that's a rant for another day.

Hot Take Point Two: Have a little appreciation and respect for the people working on these shows. Unless you are in the industry or working on said show, you probably don't understand the amount of work, effort, blood, sweat, and tears that goes into making these things. Some of these people grew up dreaming about working on a Star Wars IP. This is probably a dream come true for a lot of people working on these shows, and you're pissing all over those dreams for popularity points on the internet like this is fucking Reddit, and you're farming for upvotes. No, it's not perfect; yes, there are going to be shitty VFX and cringe as fuck dialogue.

It's not perfect, but they do their best with what they get handed. We had a saying in my old print shop, you can only shine up a turd so much. aka you take the shit you are given and you try and make it as polished and pretty as you can but at the end of the day you're working with the shit you were given. And I'm not saying these series are criticism proof or that you're not allowed to ridicule some of the terrible bad choices made.

I will go to my grave ranting about the ridiculous batshittery of fucking jetpack jousting in Mando S3.

Hot Take Point Three: I will also argue that there are good elements in every new Star Wars IP released by House of Mouse. Yes, even the one you hate down the cockles of your black heart. I challenge you to shut out the noise from Tumblr, the bandwagon hating on something, and go in trying to find something you enjoy in a season or an episode. Find, say, 5 things you enjoy or a character (even a cringy one) or a set piece you visually find interesting. Maybe a funny joke or even a special effect so ridiculously stupid you can't help but laugh. (I'm looking at you Ahsoka fighting god damn fighters with a lightsaber while on top of the Ghost zooming around at full cruising speed. It's so utterly preposterous I can't help but laugh and shake my head all at the same time.)

You don't have to post about it or speak about it to anyone don't worry your friends don't need to know you might secretly enjoyed something you all 'hated'. Though I would also challenge you to actually speak about it as well because...hear me out here, you might find NEW PEOPLE who enjoyed those same things you might make more friends in the fandom, shocking I know.

But just trying to FIND a positive thing in a show will give you a slightly more balanced relationship with how you consume it. Honestly, that's just general life advice you should try and take to heart. That's a freebie from your old Auntie El there.

It's so easy to be a negative, pedantic fan who hates what we claim to love. But by making the conscious choice to find something good in this so-called pile of shit in front of you, maybe your relationship with the IP will be a happier one. If nothing else, you'll perhaps get sparked and remember what made you love Star Wars so much in the first place.

So yeah, keep in mind your experience is not universal, even if you hate it, respect the time and effort it took to make it and try and find what sparked joy in you in the first place when interacting with the media.

Oh, one other thing? 20 years from now? You're prolly going to look back on these shows you hate and find yourself nostalgic and maybe even a little apologetic for how much you dogged on this stuff because there will be a whole new cycle of brand new IP people are creating where people are proclaiming THAT is the worst shit ever made and they don't make Star Wars content like they used to.

Cause that's just the human condition, and as someone who has been in this fandom for thirty years? I've seen that cycle replayed multiple times. We love the Prequels now, but twenty years ago, everyone hated them and thought they were ruining Star Wars. It doesn't get worse, it doesn't get better; we just grow older and learn to have a new perspective and learn to interact with the fandom in different ways.

I'm just begging you, please stop being negative, toxicly pedantic fans who just sit there tearing down everything and learn to interact with the thing you claim to love with...actual love.

#el's hot takes #this has been a rant #toxic fandom #star wars fandom toxicity #I'm preparing myself to be read to filth in my own notes #please come prove my point about fandom toxicity by telling me what a fucking idiot I am in the notes below #as a genuine fandom elder who has been interacting with this fandom for longer than some people here have been alive my goat has been got #also I am fully willing to accept my opinions are dogshit as well #and I'm completely wrong

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