#and despite being awkward about it Bluey felt better than Bri
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The cisn't thoughts are back and they're making even LESS sense than before
#i feel like im losing it#i feel like im losing my mind#i feel WHACK#but not too much ofc#i feel like i want to look pretty the way that boys are#like major prettyboy vibes#but I still want to have the ability to be pretty the way that girls are#even though i feel like I hate it?#i want to be prettyboy androgynous#but i still want feminine options#i feel like I want short hair#but how short?#i want to look like a girl a boy and nothing at the same time#but how do i do that#am i more man than woman?#i feel like i like he/him more than she/her#and neos better than feminine terms#but could i ever admit that#the other day i got to introduce myself as my masc name of Bluey#and despite being awkward about it Bluey felt better than Bri#and my 10 year old cousin immediately went along with it (she was right next to me) with no questions asked#do you think she knows more than me?#sometimes i wonder if the people around me know more about me than i do#i wish the answer would show itself already#i feel like im at the crux of what is a kid and an adult#but i feel pathetic about it#im late to this#i feel i should've known this ages ago#is this the point in my life where i grow up#because I don't know if I want to do that
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