#and being the shitlord i was i said yeah sure

[necromonica]

OH I LOVE BULLYING KIDS ON ROBLOX FOR FUN

last night me and michela played fashion famous on roblox (they give you a theme and you have to dress like the theme) but instead we just kept following people around and stealing their outfits and i won third

[lutiaskokopelli]

I’m pretty sure at least 90% of my followers have at least heard of the Feral/ShitLord AU so far, but just in case some of you haven’t, it’s an AU made by @chipper-smol and it’s everything a Hollow Knight AU should ever dream to be. Stupid and simple in concept, leaves enough room for a humongous amount of random shenanigans and heartfelt moments between characters who are all awesome in their own ways and try their best... All in all, everything that I love about a story. The perfect mix betwen Hilarity & Reality ensue.

If y’all like my comic series but somehow don’t know their AU yet? Go check them out! It’s even better, and without the random parodic 4th-wall-breaking OC thrown in!

(By the way I’m really sorry for all the rambling and shitpost that follows, I’ll put the rest below the cut x’D I just can’t help it, when I get on a theory rampage then nothing can stop me lmao. Headcanons and conspiracies below! Also some more shitpost and hand-drawn memes while I’m at it)

So. *cracks fingers* Now that the introductions are out of the way... It’s time to crack open this AU’s core problem. This is a “[REDACTED] goes back in time somehow and uses this opportunity to change fate around them earlier on” AU, the keyword here being “somehow.” So far, I still have no idea whether this “somehow” means that Chipper-smol doesn’t know yet what the means is, or if they have their own idea but never revealed it yet for personal/plot reasons.

(Btw just to be clear, the first option is totally valid, I absolutely dig that this is an AU made for fun! And hey, even if I’m a conspiracy theorist when it comes to making fictional plots, I too have had to make a point with TFS of NOT going further down into answering plot questions than necessary. Otherwise I’d lose my sanity like I did with my dozens of previous stories lmao. It’s my personal guilty pleasure to add lore into every single thing despite how much time and energy it sometimes takes out of me, but the downside to that is that, yeah, once you go down the rabbit hole but forget the ladder, you’re gonna have a hard time climbing back up. I’m doing this whole post here for fun, but I hope it won’t pressure anyone into thinking “this is how the AU should go” or anything. This post has just some random tween rambling here, nothing else to see here haha)

Anyway, back to the point. For now, there is no canonical answer as to how Feral/Ghost were able to go back in time.

Time to answer it >:)

Soooooo for the longest time, until I took more time today to think it over, my first idea was rather close to what I already am using for TFS -- as in, since it’s canonically established that there’s a huge amount of Dream/Nightmare realm-related areas with many purposes, one of which being the Shrine of Believers which technically breaks the fourth wall and everything... I guess, canonically, pretty much everything related to Dreams may or may not be Applied Phlebotinum. So, why the heck not, dream shenanigans could or couldn’t have sent Ghost back in time. Maybe. I guess that’s about as likely as a flying talking transdimensional mushroom referencing previous or possibly future games Team Cherry has made.

But now... I think I found a better idea. Kinda?

Let’s go back on how things went -- or at least, what I’ve gathered of it so far. Feral/Ghost got to see Godhome and became the Shade Lord at a certain point, defeating Radiance in the process. Then, they somehow went back in time and ended up all the way down in the Abyss, climbing back up at the same time as the Hollow Knight does. They both get taken in by the Pale King, and that’s when Feral/Ghost realizes that they are, in fact, in the past.

Now... There’s one thing I remember being said about the void. It “could deny Time.” Sure, it’s said by the Pale King under the probable context that it’s meant to help Hallownest remain eternal through putting the Infection under a stasis, not that Void actually has time-related powers. But... It’d be fun to at least consider taking that sentence literally, I guess.

And now, the third theory. One that I came to like the most, not gonna lie.

What if... It was all because of a single, little, flower. Just picture the cutscene: the Lord of Shade appears, obliterates the Radiance, then takes a hold of the Godseeker in an attempt to reach reality -- and then poof. Nothing. Nothing except for that tiny pale flower, decaying as it seems to have used the last of its life force.

The Delicate Flower sure is a strange and mysterious artifact. It comes from a land beyond Hallownest, it is sometimes described as “Pale” as well (I think? Don’t @ me for it), and most of all, the White Lady alludes to its “rare power” to the extent that she adds, “To hold it so close, one must surely be unaware of its nature...”

So yeah. For all we know, “sending the Void back in time” hasn’t yet been ruled out of the list of things that the Delicate Flower could have done to make Godseeker and the Shade Lord disappear completely. Right? :p

Now the question that goes with that though is, if we go down that rabbit hole all the way through... Did Godseeker go back in time too???

Now I can only picture what a thrown-back-in-time Godseeker could possibly do. Probably leave the junkpit at least, which would explain why it’d take so long before Feral/Ghost finds her. Possibly preach the Shade Lord’s almighty power to whoever wants to listen to her, too. Who knows. 

This last paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with all the above, but I have one last question, just because. It is at the very least Extremely Likely in this AU that Feral/Ghost isn’t hollow at all, so I kinda wonder if the Radiance ever tried to visit their dreams (as well as Hollow’s while we’re at it) long before Hollow is ready to be sealed. I mean, either Radiance is too scared of visiting their dreams because even if they aren’t hollow they are still partially made of void; or, she realizes they aren’t hollow and that she can thus maybe try to infect them too. Just throwing random ideas here. Although I’d rather go with the first option for Void-vs-Radiance reasons, one cannot deny that it’d be hilarious to at least imagine what an early encounter between Radiance and Feral could be. Feral has been labelled as such by the Pale King’s Court. The people Feral wants to protect. Now, just what amount of f*ckery could Feral even reach with someone they actually want to destroy? (unless, of course, they take the Radiance 100% seriously and don’t want to do anything to her until they get access once more to their Shade Lord powers. That’d be a wise and tactical option. It’s just a shame that Feral hasn’t really been proven to have both of those skills so far in the AU lmao)

Extra: After seeing Ghost get a teen form in the Feral AU I could no longer resist. I had to draw Player getting one too, even if that’s never gonna happen.

anyway here it is i’m done lmao. whoever managed to read this far gets a free virtual cookie

[useless-englandfacts]

What are your thoughts on the national anthem discussion currently on-going on Twitter? Personally I think God Save the Queen is a shit song and no one should sing it whether you’re Welsh, Scottish or English. The final verse is anti-Scottish for starters and the entire song is about bigging up one person. What other country sings about their leader like they’re some God given gift? A pro-monarchy song has no place in modern society. After all, the royals haven’t got where they are by being nice so the “king to reign over us” line always makes my blood run cold.

ooh! i havent seen this particular piece of ~discourse~

i agree that it’s a shit song - even regardless of the lyrics the melody is just soooo dreary and it’s so slow and BORING

i’m not sure which verse you’re referring to with the anti-scottish thing (i only know two lol), but i wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case

and yeah, i think i’ve said before like. the title of the anthem alone makes two huge assumptions 1) that u believe in god, and 2) that u support the monarchy. which is a huge assumption. i personally do not believe in god and i do not support the monarchy and i’m sure there are lots of people who feel the same to some degree. it’s not the 1700s any more!!

but also idk, given how absolutely every bit of sensible debate in this country soon becomes weaponised by the right as evidence of a so-called “culture war”, i don’t know if i can sit through the endless ‘debates’ on good morning britain and this morning and question time and whatever else about changing the anthem. and you just know that if we did decide to change it the new one would end up being written by some shitlord like gary barlow.

so yeah tldr: i hate it and would like a different one but it’s not at the top of my priority list, and i’m not sure how we would go about changing it…

- dominique

[blake-belladonna-defence-force]

It's the ✨annoying little shit✨ again

The Gremlin anon😺

Here is the ✨update✨ with what happend ✨yesterday night✨ and also ✨today morning✨

So, after I wrote my roommates conversation with Miss oh honey, I started reading it and

MY GOD!!! GIVE ME A BREAK FROM THE GAY!!!

I'M NOT USED TO THIS KIND OF CONSERN FROM SOMEONE!!! IT'S SO FUCKING ADORABLE!!!

I'M GONNA PASS OUT OF GAY OVERDOSE!!!

I wanna kiss my roommate so bad ;-;

BUT I'M TOO SHY FOR THAT!!!

But before I could panic even more, Miss oh honey gets in (I was in my roommates room because it's bigger than mine since we agreed to sleep together) and asks with big grin on her face "How ya doin?"

"Gay- Gay panic"

"Oh honey you need to make a move soon or roommates name won't handel it"

"What do you mean?"

"Honey you know that they are conserned about you and already doing that ugly sad kitten face"

"I don't think it's ugly"

"Of course you don't, you love roommates name! But now, take my advice and make a bloody move! I WANT PROGRESS IN MY SHIP"

Before I could say anything she got away and shortly after my roommate got back and didn't notice I was there

I was coverd in their blankets like a cotton ball with only my head slightly out, and for the face my roommate was doing they were in auto pilot mode

They literally started changing in front of me

And did I say anything? No cause PANIC

I COULDN'T STOP LOOKING!!!!

I TRIED TO OPEN MY MOUTH TO SPEAK BUT THERE WAS NO SOUND!!!! I COULDN'T AND I FELT LIKE A PERVERT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO LOOK AWAY!!! I FELT SO BAD ABOUT MYSELF!!!

BUT THANKS TO JESUS AND HOLY MOTHER I GOT CONTROL OVER MY HANDS AND COVERD THE REST OF MY HEAD WITH BLANKETS BEFORE MY ROOMMATE TOOK OUT THEIR PANTS!!!

(I could only see their back since they were turned around BUT if they took their pants off... I don't want more panic and gay thoughts so I wont think about it)

As I evolved into a full white ball of blankets I felt a tap on the blankets. I got my head out and I saw my roommate only with a fucking top on, but with a really sofh expression that made me melt

IT WAS SO CUTE!!! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!!

But while I panicked they started laughing and saying that I looked like a cute tiny fluff ball

I never blushed so must for a laugh and a compliment, that laugh was music, I want more ;-;/

FUCKING KISS ME ALREADY!!!

But as I keep staring without being able to say anything they grafmdualy stoped laughing and started looking conserned/sad (sad kitty face here we go again) and then they look down and finally notice they are only with a top on and then they say "oh- sorry" and put a shirt on

BUT I'M NOT GONNA BE QUIET THIS TIME AND I WILL SAY SOMETHING

And what I said was "Nice"

Just that... WHY ON HELL DIDN'T I SAY SOMETHING ELSE!?!? WHY GOD??? WHYYYYY!!!!??

But before I died of embaressment they asked "Nice what?"

"You are nice- I mean- I just- You are nice to me! You always have been since the beggining and uuhh... I just- I don't want you to be sad or- or think you are a jerk just because I got embaressed in the kitchen and uuhh-"

"Wait, how do you know about me thinking that?"

"I- I could hear you two talking"

"shit"

And this when I finally notice how hard blushing!!! Were they that embaressed? But before I could jump into conclusions I rembered Miss oh honeys advice abd asked "Uh- glup Why are you so worried about me?"

Looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite read and said "It's cause- sigh You've already been through so much... You deserve to at least be confortable in your own house, to have a safe place to yourself... Don't you think?"

I just- Give me second I need to CRY MY EYES OUT!!! WHY ARE TOU SO CUTE!?!? WHY!!!?? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!!???

*incoherent gay gremlin noises*

I didn't notice I was crying until my roommate, with a very conserned voice, asks "Are you ok!? Why are you crying!?"

I kept sobbing until the picked me up, with blankets and all, and hugged me tight

I NEVER FELT SO GAY WITH JUST A HUG!!! IT WAS SO SAFE AND WARM!!!

I MELTED!!! I'M NOW A GAY GREMLIN JELLY!!!

At a certant point they layed down with me and cuddled me. I felt so tiny but yet so loved, it was so good and safe ;w;

Is this what real actually good relationships feel like? Cause I love it ;w;

I'M GAYING SO MUCH OVER THIS!!!

And before we went to sleep, my roommate wiped my tears and said "Well, if it makes you feel better, I think you're hella strong"

"snif What do you mean?"

"I mean- I still about that time I saw you knocking out a guy, that was built like a greek god, twice your sise, in front of our door step!"

"Oh that- that was just-"

"Was just hella impressive!!! I ALMOST DROPED MY FOOD!!!"

THIS IDIOT MAKES ME CRY AND THEN LAUGH AND FEEL HELLA GAY ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!! don't GIVE ME A BREAK!!! I NEED TO REST!!! And that's actually what I said to them, but more like this

"Jesus Crist- Look, let's sleep already before I pass out" AND MANAGE TO SOUND FUCKING CASUAL ABOUT IT!!!

It was because I was really tired

BUT STILL COUNTS AS A VICTORY!!!

So, after I said that, my roommate nods in aproval and fucking kisses me in the forehead

WHAT'S WITH YOU AND MY FOREHEAD!!!??

Anyway, we fell asleep and this morning when I woke up, first thing I do is check tumbler, and when I get there I see shitlords ask about gremlin-fever and the gremlin in back of my head is like pspspsps do iittt

After I send that ask about giving permition for you to use my story as a fanfic I put my phone back in the table, roll over, and PROCEED TO HAVE A FUCKING HEAR ATTACK!!!

THAT DORK ON HAS SHORT AND A TOP COVERING THEM!!! IT'S FUCKING FREEZING OUTSIDE THE BED BUT THEY ARE BOILING!!! LITERAL VOLCANO TEMPERATURE!!!

I'm starting to think that shitlord anon was right about the fevor in a literal way...

BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT BOTHERS ME THE MOST!!!! THE FACT THAT I CAN FEEL EVERY INCH OF SKIN IN THEIR BODY!!!

But them I look down and see their arms around me AND FUCKING HELL HOW STRONG IS THIS BITCH!?!?!

I probably panicked for and hour or so before I realize... I CAN TOUCH IT

I now I'm the volcano!!! But when I start touching their belly OUT OF GAY CURIOSITY

THEY OPENED THEIR EYES AND ASK "What are you doing?"

WHAT DO I ANWSER TO THAT!!!??? I CANNOT JUST SAY I WAS TOUTCHING YOU OUT OF GAY PANIC

BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A BETTER EXCUSE THAN THAT!!!

So, as an intellectual, I said "I- I was j-just c-curious to know how it f-feels to touch it"

"You were curious to know how it feels to touch other persons abs?"

"Well... Yeah b-but not- Not, like- I'm inocent I swear!!!"

They started laughing at me and got closer, and with their fucking casualty say "You can it I don't mind, you're inocent after all"

I WANNA DIG A HOLE AND HIDE!!! YE GODS ABOVE HELP ME!!!

But I remberem shitlords anon little tip, and actually got the courage to kiss their forehead. The moment I kiss tgeir forehead they stop laughing and blankly stare at me for a solid minute, BUT THIS TIME I'M GONNA BE THE ONE TEASING BITCH, so I said what shitlord anon said "I was just checking your temperature, you look like you might have a fever"

I MANAGED TO HAVE COURAGE TO SAY THAT WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE A DYING SQUIRREL!!!!

IT'S REVENGE FOR MY ENDLESS PANICS!!!

They didn't even say anything anymore, they just nooded, IT WAS PRICELESS!!!

But then, Miss oh honey opens the door saying "GOOD MORNING LOVE BIR- Oh- Am I interupting something?"

We both just stare and since she cant se if we have clothes or not due to the blankets she does a shit-eating-grin and says "Oh- Sorry to interrupt your bonding time~ I will let you continue~ giggles"

I DIED RIGHT THERE!!!

But my roommate was FUCKING PISSED

They got out of bed and started chasing her, screaming her name in pure rage!!

And I stayed in the room... Looking at the ceiling... Thinking about my life choices...

BUT PLEASE CAN SOMEONE SEND HELP

I need it ;-;

IT'S TOO MUCH GAY PANICS!!!! HELP!!!

And also, Miss oh honey is gonna sleep here today, cause aparently one of her neighbors has covid, and his wife texted everyone that he is coming back from the hospital so he can rest home (cause the hospitals are all full and he is not having trouble with the desease), like, he got positive a month ago, and Miss oh honey went for test and got negative, she stayed at home for a while to make sure she was okay, and since her covid neighbor wasn't at home with is family cause ge stayed in the hospital (and none of is family has covid, fortunatly)

So, baisically shes gonna stay for while...

Hope ya'll have a nice day/afternoon/evening/night

- gay panic Gremlin anon

Holy shit— you go, Gremlin anon! I don’t think I’ve ever been this proud of a stranger before in my life 😂

Y’all are too cute and I’m dying. Good luck with your roommate and your wingwoman Miss “oh honey”, Gremlin anon xD

[thessalian]

Molly!Warden vs House Dace

The Royal Palace at Denerim

Molly: Hey, Alistair?

Alistair: Mmm?

Molly: You were a Grey Warden for like six months before I came along, yeah?

Alistair: I’m not sure I like where this is going, but yes...

Molly: No, no, just ... you know the creed better than I do. It’s supposed to be “in peace, vigilance”, right? Not “in peace, take every nugshit stupid job that comes along”?

Alistair: ...Does this have something to do with that letter from Orzamarr the messenger nearly chopped Eamon’s hand off for trying to read?

Molly: *holds up letter* Yeah, basically. This is supposed to be hush-hush and all but you’re a surfacer and I don’t know who the hell you’d tell anyway, so sod it. I’ve got Jerrick Dace writing to me.

Alistair: Dace ... weren’t those the people we were delivering probably-forged promissory notes to at some point? The ones we had to stomp through the Deep Roads to get their vote for the Assembly changed?

Molly: That’s them, yeah. They were at least halfway decent to me despite my face, which is something, but this Jerrick wants me to help him find his brother and an expedition they sent to someplace called Amgarrak. “Victory”. Huh. We are a bunch of self-important sods, the dwarva.

Alistair: What were they doing in the Victory Thaig that’s got you making that face, though?

Molly: Following research paths for golem-making that even Branka thought was too dangerous to go through.

Alistair: So ... they want to make golems. Which takes putting dwarven minds in metal bodies by pouring lyrium into them while they’re still alive. And they did it by going someplace that Branka, who was actively crazy, and was turning her people into broodmothers, didn’t want to go.

Molly: I am so rubbing off on you and it’s kind of adorable. But yes, basically. This means I have to go, doesn’t it.

Alistair: Well, you know what Zevran said, back in the day. You’re royally tough to kill. And while I’m not sure I can royally decree that you come back alive, I can try. Perks of kingship.

Molly: Love you too, salroka.

On the road to Amgarrak

Jerrick: Thanks for coming alone. This is some secretive nugshit, y’know.

Molly: Dude, Grey Wardens are the royalty of secretive nugshit. Just ... wasn’t there anyone else you could trust? Not just you and your pet bronto?

Jerrick: Don’t knock Stumpy. He’s a force to be reckoned with.

Molly: I’m not capable of knocking Stumpy. He’s more likely to knock me. Into a wall. We could probably use a bit more help, is all I’m saying. If it took out a whole dwarven expedition, whatever it is...

Jerrick: What about this nice convenient golem?

Molly: Y’know, I was meaning to talk to you about that whole ‘golem’ thing. You do know there’s dwarves in there - like, not the squishy bits but the other bits - and they suffered like you wouldn’t believe to get to be golems and enslaving them with a control rod is a bit of a dick move. I mean, you know that, right?

Jerrick: You had a golem with you on your madcap adventures to stop the Blight!

Molly: Her control rod was broken, she had free will, and she really enjoyed crushing pigeons with her bare - if stony - hands. She wasn’t a pain-crazed slave.

Jerrick: Look, you did say we needed help!

Molly: Ugh, fine. But I want to see if we can get some sentience in the poor sod. Hey! Hi! Golem-dude! What’s shapin’, salroka?

Golem: ...

Jerrick: Yeah. That worked.

Molly: Ugh. Just I hope you like crushing darkspawn as much as Shale liked crushing pigeons.

Jerrick: Thaaaaaaaaaat’s not a darkspawn.

Arcane Horror: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Molly: Yeah, okay, Misdirection Hex, FINE. I’ve got a surprise for you, shithead.

Jerrick: Waitwut--

Molly: *flings several different kinds of bombs into the ensuing melee*

Jerrick: ...wut.

Molly: DWORKIN GLAVONAK SAYS HELLO, SHITLORD!

Jerrick: Did ... you ... just ... win against the darkspawn by being too unpredictable and weird to contemplate?

Molly: Probably now start stabbing!

Jerrick: This is why I stayed home from this stupid expedition...

Following the ensuing stabnation...

Jerrick: I’m seeing weird shit and I don’t like it.

Molly: You learn to cope. Not sure if this is ghosts or what, though.

Jerrick: How are you so calm about ghosts?!?

Molly: *ticking off on fingers* The Dead Trenches. Soldier’s Peak. The ruins on the way to Andraste’s Ashes. Kal’Hirol. Oh, and I got bodily dumped in the Fade. This is a sodding vacation by comparison.

Jerrick: ...See, and you wonder why I asked you to help me with this.

Molly: Yeah, I was enjoying an actual vacation, by the way. Honestly, I’m mostly in this to smash another Anvil of the Void. This duster Paragon wants to make damn sure that her people don’t end up being conscripted for the dubious honour of having lyrium poured into their eyes and then their free will chained to a control rod.

Jerrick: ...No, okay, I do see why you wonder why I asked you to help me with this. Okay, look, we’re here. Can we just at least please check the place out before we go to the smashing place?

Molly: Yeah okay fine but--

Harvester: reeeeeeeeeeeeee

Jerrick: That wasn’t a darkspawn either.

Molly: *holding up notes* Dude, they were working with Tevinter blood mages. Last time I bumped into those assholes, they were enslaving alienage elves. Did House Dace just decide to go all in on the stupid evil nugshit like it was a winning hand of Diamondback?!?

Jerrick: ...You’re going to destroy everything in this place, aren’t you.

Molly: I will probably spare your brother. Unless he tries to stab us. Then, all bets are off.

Jerrick: I can respect that. Let’s go.

[heliosthegriffin]

Gamer AU

Author’s Note: I really badly want to write a gamer!Jaune Fanfic, but getting a system to work that makes sense to me has been a bitch to deal with, and no, I don’t want to use the system from the Gamer, it’s over used. So I’ve been making my own system from the ground up. Any the story’s nowhere near ready for day light. Also, the main focus would be on Jaune and his immediate family and that drama, so pretty OC heavy. It’d also start pretty early in his life around ten or so, he also isn’t very interested in being a hunter, just making sure his family is happy and alive.

Any-who: Here’s a scene clip from my head, that’ll be better fleshed out later.

Scene: The Waterfront Cafe

Jaune hurriedly walks back and forth through the cafe, makings sure the dozen or so customers were being well cared for, while he cooks their food.

It was only midday, but he had already make a decent profit, meaning he didn’t have to work into the evening and keep the cafe open. A couple more weeks and he might have enough to permanently hired a waiter; For now though, he was soloing his way through running his sisters-... his cafe.

He shook his head and focused on the positive today. Like how he was fifteen years old and a successful business owner, well several businesses... and other things that were definitively illegal. but like Roman says “Legal is for people who don’t want to get rich.”

The thought of his friend, even if Roman would never admit it, brought a genuine smile to his face. He hoped Roman his enforcer came to visit soon. They made for good conversation, and were good tippers, even if the other one got a little grabby. Still, Roman had yet to send him a time to keep the Waterfront open for him to visit, so he’d have to keep a look out for one of his runners.

Only Jaune Arc would think so casually about having a powerful crime boss as a friend and customer, and his stab-happy murder goblin enforcer.

Also only Jaune Arc would fail to notice despite his Perception well over 70 that his genuine smile cause all who saw it to melt and turn their legs into jelly.

“First time?” “What? What do you mean? And what the hell was that!?” A customer whisper yelled.

“The Jaune Arc Smile, it has an effect on people. Beside the divine cooking, it’s one of the reason people come here.”

“... That's insane.”

“Oh, definitely. But, is that going to stop you from coming back?”

“I said that this was insane, but I didn’t say I was stupid. I haven’t felt so content in years.”

The two customers drifted off into conversation.

Jaune still failing to notice, having a professional standard of not ease-dropping on his customers.

Of course with that being the case Jaune failed to notice the two loud-mouth women who walked in and sat down at a table like they owned the place.

Neither woman was particularly attractive, or in shape, in-fact the only interesting thing about either was the fact that they both had dyed grey hair with grey contacts. With the only thing differing about the two, was the taller one was fat, and the shorter one thin.

“So, I said “what are you part of the Alpha Male Huntsmen agenda? Cause if you don’t give me that purse for free I’m going to cry rape!” Then he gave it to me and ran his little ass back to home.” The taller one said

“Oh, you are such a bad bitch!.” Replys the shorter one. “Oh, don’t I know it, so why are we here?”

“Oh, you don’t know, the food here is killer! Or, so I heard.”

“Really? It just looks like a shitty little cafe, the only thing really note is the location.”

“Yeah, I saw it while looking on the Scroll. Also, the service is great, but the thing is... It’s only run by one guy! You know what that means?” Shortys says

“Yes!”

““Free lunch!”“The a pair says together.

“When this glass of water get here!?”

“See, told you get the service was great!”

Jaune appears before the table, apron on, long golden hair in a ponytail and, notebook in hand. “Did some say service?

“Oh shit!”

“Fuck! Where did you come from?!” “Sorry Misses. I thought you two would like some service? I can give you more time if you’d like.”

The two get a full view of Jaunes features, reducing themselves into a blushing stuttering mess.

“There are you can scan the table for the menu if you like, or check the website, I’ll give you some more time.” Jaune says leaving with another pearly white smile.

Further burning out the pair’s brain cells.

A few minutes later.

“How, how can guy be so gorgeous? You said he was a guy right!?” The taller one says “Yeah, I did! All the reviews say he’s a guy!” Shortys says. “Like read this here, “The server is amazing, he always arrives on time, never pry's, but will always listen, what he cooks can only be called art and a world wonder, I am always happy to tip!”

The pair look at each other. “I thought it was reviewer bias.” “What ever, gorgeous or not, I’m getting a free meal today.” Say the fatter one.

The shorter one looks more hesitant. “I don’t know,, he looks so nice, it almost feels like a crime...”

“What do we care about crimes, when it’s the Alpha Male Huntsman Regime oppressing us!”

“... I’ll stick to paying, you do you though...” The shorter of the pair says, twirling her hair, heavily reconsidering keeping a different color.

“Whatever traitor, I’ll show you, and then you’ll see I’m right!”

“Suuure.” The shorter, and obviously smart one says disbelieving, ‘If he’s that pretty and nice, there’s no way that’s going to happen, cause either he’s way tough, or someones looking after him, otherwise this place would be out of business, with people trying to take advantage of him. ’

Half an hour later.

The larger one has several plates and cups empty before her, seemingly having everything on the menu, holding her bloated stomach in a state of ecstasy.

The shorter one only having finished a two plates, having had a club sandwich and muffin, along with the house brew, filling just the right amount of full and very content.

“Misses?” Jaune says “I hope you found everything to your liking.” His smile sweet like sugar, but warm like the spring breeze.

The shorter one blushes hard. “Uh, uh, yes” She finally squeaks out. “it was amazing...”

“’S alright, I guess” The fatter one says appearing disappointed and unimpressed.

Jaune seems a little hurt by the fatter one’s opinion, causing several other customers to look on murderously at the fat woman.

She is unfortunately oblivious to this.

Jaune lets go of the expression.” Well, my apologies miss, I’ll makes sure it’s better next time.”

‘It can get better!’ The fatty thinks.

The murderous glares grow sharper.

“I thought it was really good!” The shorter one says standing up, and then realizing how insanely tall and large Jaune is compared to her, and even her friend. His thighs being bigger than her torso, his pecs standing higher than she is and her friend. Yet he moved like the wind and with the grace of a dancer.

The large fatty snorts in disdainfully at her soon to be former friend.

“Now would you like to pay to together or separately?”

“I’m not pay-” The tall fatty begins. “Separately.” Only to be cut off by the shorter one. Who, glared at her, clearly unimpressed by her soon to be former friend.

Jaune nods and goes off to get their bills.

“The fuck was that! I was about to get us a free feel, bitch!”

“You were about to get us both kicked from the best cafe in the kingdom!”

“You, ungrateful cunt!”

“Whatever, I don’t need your approval,” She spots Jaune and walks over to take the bill, and tips him, before walking a way with an obvious skip in her step.

“Ma’am her is your bill-”

“I’m not paying.” “Come again?”

“I’m not paying you shit, you piece of garbage!” The woman says with a sneer.

Jaunes eyes narrow, he pulls up a chair and sits down staring her in the eyes.

“Why would that be ma’am, was there something not to your liking?” Jaune say his voice changing from airy, bubbly and sweet, to a deep, harsh, and cold tone. It was listening to a pop-star mixed with meowing of a kitten, and all the warmth of breezy, sunny  spring day, to a cold winter night in Mantle while listening to a murdering whisper death-core to you .

The fat grey-head shook with intense fear for all of three second before speaking again, but not without withdrawing her eyes from his own.

“I said before I’ll say it again bastard, I’m not paying you a cent, you Valiaen Huntsman supporting shitlord!”

“My father’s a huntsman, if you have a problem with them please, do keep them to yourself.”

“I’ll say whatever I want shitlord! And if you so much as touch me, I’ll scream you rape you rapist shithole!” The woman says, suddenly getting her confidence back, remembering that she’s the one with power in this situation, or so she thinks. “An if you try anything, beside letting me walk out of here without paying, I’ll make sure you never see your family again, or even better, make sure your whole Huntsman propaganda spewing familys face’s kicked from the kingdom! And guess what fuckup? I going to come back here tomorrow with my friends and your going to give us all a free-”

“Quiet.” A single word came from Jaune’s mouth, but from the way the woman closed her mouth it looked like he shut her mouth with his own two hands.

Jaune stopped holding back his overwhelming level of Personality and letting it Project forward, all 80 levels of it and his maxed out Intimidation.

The fat woman suddenly became aware of how close Jaune was to here, how big his hands are, how long and strong his arms are, he wouldn’t even need to get up to grab her neck across the table and his hands could cover her entire next with ease, it would take no effort for him to kill then and there, and that shook her.

From the corners of her eyes it was like she could she the other customer turnign way with, but not out of fear, but with intense glee! He could kill her then and there and they wouldn’t say a word, they might even help!

Jaune spoken and with it came a weight so heavy that it choked the words out of her.

“Listen here, I’m going to say this once and never again, after I finish telling you this, you will be like you never existed to me, is that clear?” Jaune said to her with a sinister, cold and happy smiles. It was like looking at an open grave with her name on it.

She nodded with all her force, and barely let out a ”Yes,” Feeling hyper-aware of Jaune and his body, easily seeing him choking her, hitting her and smashing her face in, taking a knife to her neck letting her bleed out, the phantom pain of a eye being gouged out, and near endless death Jaune could bring to her, all while listening to him.

“I was being humble earlier, but you don’t downplay my cooking, I”m the best chef without a degree in the kingdom, In a couple months I will be the best chef in the kingdom. I am the best cafe in this kingdom. I am no rapist, but even if I was why would waste my time going after, a fat, loose, stupid, boring, and painfully annoying creature as you, do you think my standard are low enough to be in the sewer, because that where I’d fine you, But, I could accept all of that abuse.” Jaune rapid-fired at her, “But,” His eyes looked at her like razors. “But, you tried to bring my family into this... And, NOBODY, AND, I MEAN NOBODY, BEING, OR, ENTITY! MESSES WITH MY FAMILY! IS THAT YELL YOU FUCKING MICROSCOPIC, WORTHLESS, VACUUM OF INTELLIGENCE, PARASITE!?” Jaune said to her calmly before yelling at her, his voice like a hurricane on steroids made of pure anger.

The woman shook before him, tearing falling freely, squeaking out in pure terror for her life. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” Jaune shook out another caverous roar. “BITCH! I did not ask for your worthless sorry ass to say SORRY! I ASKED IF YOU GOT IT?! WELL? DID YOU FUCKING GET IT?!”

“YES, SIR I GOT! I’M SO SORRY! PLEASE DON’T-“ The woman screamed in terror,

“THEN GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, YOU GOT YOUR FUCKING FREE MEAL, GET OUT OF HERE AND NEVER COME BACK, IF I SO MUCH AS SEE A HAIR OF YOU’RE FAT ASS, I”M GOING TO MAKE SURE THEY HAVE A MISSING PERSON’S WARRANT ON YOUR FAT ASS, AND YOU KNOW FUCKING WHAT? NOBODYS GOING TO CARE, NOW LEAVE!” Jaune said punctuation the last word by pounding the table with hands while screaming into the face of the woman.

She ran, she ran like her life depended on it, a trail of piss following her,  ugly crying all the way home.

Jaune then turned to his customers. “I’m sorry, about that folks,” His voice once again melodic and beautiful. “But, I’m sure that will not happen for about a month or two.” “Don’t worry we didn’t see anything.” His regulars said, with smug grins and some outright laughing or recording to put on dustube.

“Well, since y’all didn’t see anything, I say free coffee and today pie on the house!”

“WHOO!!”

Jaune then cleaned the table, and grabbed several glasses to refill, before returning the kitchen.

Returning to the two customers from earlier.

“What was that?”

“Oh that, don’t worry about that, it comes and goes, but we regulars call it free coffee and desert day.” “That’s insane... Who wouldn’t pay for this food?”

“You got a good head on you, kid.”

Jaune was in the kitchen cooking with one hand, and typing into his scroll behind his back with the other.

‘Junior, I got a favor to call in.’

Buzz.

‘The Malachite's saw everything.’

Jaune smirked evilly.

‘Good, tell them I’ll have their favorites ready when they get here... And something for you too.’

With Junior.

Junior: Happy crime boss noises.

The Next day.

The short grey hair girl arrived just as Jaune was opening.

“I am so sorry! About that I’d like to apologize for the idiots behavior.” “Oh it’s fine, I get customers like that from time to time. Now though I must say you look better without out those grey eyes. Brown suits you better.” The short hair-girl blushed heavily, having stopped using the color contacts.

“Thanks you...” “Now would like some breakfast?”

“YES!”

Authors note:Whew, that was exhausting, but I think it turned out ok.

By the way I came up for some names for the customers.

The first regulars name is Bronson

The new guy is Becker

The fat girl is Licorish

The shorter girl is Gracie

If your curioius why Jaune’s not in school and running a his sisters cafe, or where his sister is, that will all be touch on in the story.

Now here’s Jaunes Stats

Jaune Arc

15 and 1/4

Male

Strength: 68 Speed: 72

- Toughness: 6 - Grace: 7

Wits: 53     Wisdom: 82

- Calculation: 5 - Mental Fortress: 8

Personality: 80 Perception: 75

- Attraction: 8  -Sensory : 7

- Anima:390 (This option is greyed out)

- Aura Level: 3900 (this option is greyed out)

Now these are still subject to change.

He’s maxed out: Cooking, Dancing, Intimation, CQC, MMA, Valerian Boxing, Valerian Fencing, Short blade, Cleaning, Stealth, Sprinting, Climbing, Voice Manipulation, Body Control, ????? That’s all I’m listing for now, but it will only grow.

Traits:???? Heheh, watch and wait.

That’s all for now fokes. Have a beautiful day.

[arce-elliot]

Magnus Archives - First Impressions (101-125)

Back on my bullshit. Starting to get into the nitty-gritty of it now. Had 75% of the series spilled blah blah blah you know the drill!

EP 101 (Another Twist): - oh thank GOD some normalcy, hello Nikola - Nikola: Elias ur son is annoying - Michael: i'm going to kill you Jon: get in line lmao - poor little michael shelley he never stood a chance - bye bye michael EP 102 (Nesting Instinct): - BEETLE WIFE BEETLE WIFE - HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT BEETLE WIFE - also the boys are communicating kind of a bit maybe EP 103 (Cruelty Free): - this dude is so strange i love it - m o n s t e r  p i g - awwww rest in peace toby - LMAOOOOO JON finally using his powers for evil EP 104 (Sneak Preview): - hoo boy time to cry it's Timothy Time - my baby Tim :c EP 105 (Total War): - wheeee another war one - I feel like this woman knows more than she's saying - "i'm lucky i suppose" are u sure buddy - "how long would it be that i would have to wait for death" dude just die sounds like it'd be easy in this hellscape - "gerard keay after he faked his death?" nah u wish it were that simple jonny boy EP 106 (A Matter of Perspective): - M E L A N I E - yo space boy does not shut the FUCK up - AYYYY THERE'S MY ACE REP - Elias: I'm gonna have to dock points for the murder attempts - lmao Elias is gettin' tired of his employees asking him to kill them EP 107 (Third Degree): - time for the American leg of the tour - Gertrude what the actual fuck ma'am - Elias said "here's some eldritch tylenol" - ah yes, back to your regularly scheduled kidnapping - TREVOR'S JUST IN THE T R U N K EP 108 (Monologue): - as a theatre person this person sounds D R E A D F U L - this was an odd one but i like it EP 109 (Nightfall): - i love these two so much holy shit - listen I KNOW i’m gay but like,,,,,found family makes brain go brrrr EP 110 (Creature Feature): - TRANS STATEMENT GIVER AYYYY - lmao spider time EP 111 (Family Business): - GERARD TIME GERARD TIME - my poor darling boy - Mary Keay’s A+ Parenting way to go lady EP 112 (Thrill of the Chase): - "welcome to buzzfeed unsolved today we're going to kill a man" - JON'S BACK THANK FUCK - a w w daisy misses basira :C EP 113 (Breathing Room): - Jon's trying to stop the apocalypse but Martin just wants a travel diary - MARTIN STOP TOUCHING IT - oh ew wtf brain kebab - jon: wow. interesting. what the fuck did i just read. EP 114 (Cracked Foundation): - If y'all don't leave Hill Top Road ALONE - poor lady she's just trying to do her job right - oh wait she's not...real? the web confuses me but i guess that's kinda the point - Tim ouchie my feelings - What a right little investigator, you go Timmy EP 115 (Taking Stock): - FINALLY a Salesa statement it's about time - m e a t g r i n d e r - HELEN!!! - aww poor Helen :c she's being nice Jon don't be rude EP 116 (The Show Must Go On): - lmao love this Archival Staff Meeting - Elias trauma bonding is not the same as team building - GERTRUDE VOICE HELL YES - Chess Robot - what in the Spiral statement EP 117 (Testament): - aw hell yeah mini doomsday diaries - okay martin is actually really funny lmao - JON BURN THE FUCKING PAGE YOU SHITLORD - oh okay thank u EP 118 (The Masquerade): - SHOWTIME MOTHERFUCKERS - Martin deserves a little light arson - Elias can't you just behold the door opening what an eldritch loser - oooooh i love this Martin and Elias face-off this dialogue is superb - Tim: Jon needs to learn how to sacrifice people also Jon we have to save all these randos EP 119 (Stranger and Stranger): - I'm two minutes in and I'm already stressed - Daisy: level up - Gertrude and Leitner yelling at Jon is just a Sims Family Discussion - aaaand there goes my boy :C EP 120 (Eye Contact): - Again, I lose another precious character and I gotta listen to ELIAS - Time for the Season 1-3 recap - Peter said "lmao nice" - "be seeing you" okay elias that was funny - "i'll do my best to keep the place afloat" okay peter that was also funny EP 121 (Far Away): - season 4 baybeeee here we go - Oliver Banks Time - me, eatin my chef boyardee: alright Oliver gimme a good monologue - "i've learned to live with it" i dont think you LIVE with anything mr. banks - i love his voice it's nice - did he just...manifest a gun - A FUCKING SATELLITE LMAOOOOOOO - georgie: sir your vibes are rancid I'm going to have to ask you to leave - wakey wakey jonny boy! EP 122 (Zombie): - Basira Georgie no don't fight - poor Jon y'all lay off the poor man - this statement is too relatable bye - JON'S SO WORRIED ABOUT MARTIN PFFFF EP 123 (Web Development): - CAN'T ANYONE BE HAPPY FOR JON LMAOOO - Basira: "wehhh you're not human also Melanie being a whirlwind with a knife is 100% normal" - GOD imagine if Peter never existed and it had just been Martin lying his ass off trying to save face - wooooosh - Jon: at least Tim and Daisy have the good sense to be dead damn - "play dead" G O D - spoooooooky website EP 124 (Left Hanging): - oh what's good sky grandpa - MARTIN WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOUUUU EP 125 (Civilian Casualities): - baaaah - the 16th fear is Scotland - we love a good DIY surgery - god Melanie's VA is brilliant

[death-himself]

Love is Dead—Chapter 7

Summary: Logan and Virgil come to the realization that there's a new predicament that gets just a little bit in the way of Janus getting with Patton: that being Janus and Patton even being able to communicate in the first place

Word Count: 1,773 (eyy kinda long for me)

Warnings: Possession/Talk of possession

previous next (AO3 Link)

“Patton!” Remus shrieked down the hall. He slammed into Patton’s bedroom door, ramming it open and jumping onto the bed, where Patton had been trying to get a few more minutes of sleep. The man in question groaned, rubbing his eyes as he turned to look at the child.

In his hands was a bouquet of bluebells, a bit messed up with some flowers looking out of place, but overall surprisingly intact for something given from Remus. Patton sat up, just as his brother slammed the bouquet into his arms. “Present for you!”

“Aww thanks, Rem. They’re very pretty, where’d you get them?”

“They’re from Mr. Ghost!” Patton nodded slowly along to that. Okay, so then maybe they were from Virgil. He was pretty sure one of his friends’ parents was a florist or something.

“Okay, well tell Mr. Ghost that I’m thankful and that this was really nice of him.”

“Okay!” Remus then ran to the doorway, where Janus had been watching intently. “He said that he’s thankful and—”

“Yes, I heard Remus.” Janus sighed, seeing that Patton still didn’t have a clue what was actually going on. He flew out, Remus following close behind, into the kitchen, where Virgil had been waiting for their response. He raised an eyebrow as Janus entered.

“Well?”

“He didn’t believe it.” Virgil nodded knowingly, taking a sip of his coffee.

“This is why I said I should be the one to give it to him.”

“Oh please. Remus has more charisma than you had or ever will, Cain.” Virgil glared.

“Remus is eight.”

“Exactly my point.” Virgil pulled his spray bottle from his belt, having begun keeping it around, often zip tied to his side, at all times, spraying in Janus’s direction. The spirit quickly evaded, not losing any of his confident composure while he did.

“You got any other ideas then, loverboy?”

“I’m working on it. Now don’t you have school to go to?” Virgil blinked, checking his phone for the time. He cursed, slamming down his cup of coffee, haphazardly grabbing his backpack and binder before sprinting out the door faster than Janus had ever seen him move.

Janus shook his head at the teen’s idiocy. Time without him would do him good for brainstorming. He definitely had more options to go over now with a living human helping him. He looked down at Remus, who quickly pointed up at Virgil’s leftover drink. “He just left his coffee here, can I drink it?”

“No, no you can’t.” But he still had to deal with this nuisance for another hour before he left for kindergarten. Splendid.

Virgil made it just in time to the bus stop, panting heavily as he made his way to the very back to sit next to Logan. “You almost missed the bus, is everything alright?”

“Yep, just trying to get my brother to fall in love with a ghost.” Logan’s eyes went blank as he attempted to understand that.

“...Pardon?”

“Yeah, I’m confused too.”

“I’m assuming this is about this Janus you told me about earlier this week, correct?” Virgil put his backpack down on the floor, right as the bus began rumbling to life and driving off to school.

“Yep. He had me get him some flowers from Remy’s mom. Made me pay for it too, the piece of shit.”

“Well I’m assuming spirits don’t have any sort of money of their own.” Virgil ignored him.

“I’m helping a ghost woo my brother to get him to pass onto the afterlife, because we were lovers when we were alive, and then I killed him.” Virgil spoke slowly, taking it all in for a moment. “What the hell is my life?”

“I don’t remember you telling me of this whole “lovers in a past life” ordeal.”

“That’s what he told me. Said the only way to get him to pass on is if he felt love again or something. Like what is he, a Disney princess?”

“That does sound like the plot of one of the more traditional Disney movies.”

“Would I be like the evil villain then?” Logan hummed, pulling up a game of Tetris on his phone.

“I suppose you would be more like a side character, helping the metaphorical princess along her journey.” Virgil pulled a leg up to his chest, not really caring when it felt like the bus driver was giving him a dirty look in the mirror.

“I suppose there would have to be a villain if we’re truly talking about a traditional Disney movie.” Logan said after a moment of silence.

“There doesn’t always have to be a villain.”

“Ah, so we’ve switched beliefs since kindergarten.”

“I mean there’s sorta always a villain, but not always like a character that’s the villain.”

“So I’ve converted you to my side of the argument.” Virgil rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I guess.” 

This was something they had argued about since they first met. They had first been brought together when their teacher had pointed out how similar they looked: same pale skin, same brown eyes, same black hair, even the same mole next to their eyes and gap in their teeth. If Logan hadn’t gotten glasses and Virgil hadn’t dyed his hair they would look almost like twins.

“If Patton ever does begin believing that Janus does in fact exist, how will he manage to fall in love with him?” Logan asked.

“What?”

“Patton can’t see or hear spirits. How can he fall in love with someone he can’t communicate with?” The realization hit Virgil like a brick. He hadn’t really thought of that.

“And even if you get past that hurdle and Patton does fall in love with Janus, won’t Janus immediately pass on? What would happen then?” Virgil stared into nothingness, the image of Patton, heartbroken and crying as his “true love” dissolves into light and disappears right before his eyes burning into his retinas. This was going to hurt Patton.

But Janus also showed how malicious he was. He wasn’t a good person, the amount of people he must have tormented out of their house showed that. So was it better for his big brother to be heartbroken for a couple of weeks or months if it meant that anyone who moved into that house after Virgil’s family would be safe from that shitlord? His logic couldn’t help but say yes.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine.” They arrived at school and began filing out of the bus. As they walked over to the school entrance, Virgil glanced down at the ground, pausing for a moment before crouching down on the grass.

On the ground was a grey rock speckled with black and white. Virgil picked it up and pocketed it, liking how it looked. Logan watched him before sighing, having seen his friend do this far too many times, waiting for Virgil to rejoin him before walking onto school campus.

Virgil came home with Roman and Remus in his dad’s car, seeing that Patton had already left for one of his college classes. Immediately he went up to the attic, knowing Janus would demand to talk to him. He pushed open the trapdoor, seeing Janus sitting with his fingers folded together under his chin.

“About time you got back.”

“What, did you think I could get back any faster? It’s school, not some sort of—”

“Excuses, excuses.” Janus waved his hand dismissively. “I came up with a few more ideas while you were away.”

“Yeah about that, can I ask something?” Without even giving Janus time to respond he continued. “How’re you gonna talk to Patton if we ever get him to believe you’re real?” Janus stared blankly.

“What?”

“He’s not gonna fall in love with someone he can’t see or hear, dude.” His eyes widened slightly, his head turning to the ground as his gaze flicked around on the attic floorboards, as if searching for an answer. “You didn’t think of that, did you?”

“I did!” He snapped, brow furrowed as he continued to think. “I’ll...tell you my plan for that after we get him to believe I exist.”

“Uh huh. Sure. So what ideas did you have?” Janus sighed, deciding to figure out that whole predicament another day.

“I’m going to personally hand Patton chocolate.” Virgil raised an eyebrow, picking off a small piece of splintered wood and chucking it at the spirit. As expected, it passed right through him.

“Can’t really hand anyone anything, don’t you think?” Janus had the piece of wood float into the air, flinging it at Virgil and hitting him square on the nose.

“That is how I’ll hand it to him, except much more gently without an intent to cause harm.” Virgil winced, wiping away a small bit of blood coming from the small new cut on the tip of his nose.

“Okay, point proven. So you want me to get you chocolate?”

“I would, yes.”

“Alright.” He reached into his pocket, pulling out the monochrome rock and placing it in front of the spirit. “Attach to this.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Attach to this so you can come with me to the store.”

“What is that?”

“It’s a rock. I found it, it had your kind of vibes with it, I took it, now attach to it.” Virgil spoke bluntly, his eyes dull and completely serious.

“You’re asking me to possess a rock?” Virgil shrugged.

“I guess that’s basically what attaching is. So yeah, possess the rock.” Janus sighed, realizing the teen wouldn’t leave until he did this.

“If you lose this rock with me possessing it, I will kill you at the next chance I get.”

“If you annoy me too much out there, I will chuck this as far away as possible and flip you off as I watch your bodiless soul fly through the air.” Janus sent another piece of splintered wood at his face for that.

He felt his soul latch onto the rock, in a way similar to, yet at the same time nothing like possession. With possession you feel the life and emotions of the person you’re possessing. With a rock, obviously there isn’t really any life or feelings with that. All this made him question when he had possessed someone to know the difference.

He tried to recall; he must have possessed someone in the past, how else would he know how possession felt? All he could remember from that time was a flood of fear and horror from the living human’s end.

Perhaps he had simply possessed someone to get them out of his house. Yes, that must be it. It was probably nothing.

Tagging: @rebelrewriter @arodynamic-enby @bullet-tothefeels

[vvakarians]

I need to be vulnerable for a second.

It’s been a year. I’ve made a lot of progress and am still uprooting shit I’ve been wading in for a while now. I’m growing and learning. But I’ve never gone into detail really, maybe on twitter and mentioned it a couple times but yeah. Been thinking a lot.

TW for Homophobia / Abuse

TLDR; My best friend was a shitlord and I spent ten minutes painfully sobbing about it. I’m fine lmao just needed to make a messy post.

Won’t be mentioning who they were on SM here but if mutuals who are and were friends w/ both of us want to know, hmu lmao. I sincerely hope y’all didn’t get shit on like I did

I’m so tired. I’m tired of knowing that someone I used to call my best friend literally cyberstalked me in a discord server and when I told them I wanted to have a space without them/wouldn’t be interacting with their character, they lost it.

I’ll call this person A. They were there for me through a lot but it got weird towards the end for sure. A was always clingy, always needed to be right (passed it off as an OCD thing), and always felt like they needed to be included in things I was doing. Abandonment issues due to trauma they said, still doesn’t excuse it but you know? Fine.

I identified as aro/ace for a long time bc I was severely traumatized. Someone thirst followed me and cornered me into a relationship/took my kindness for granted (Not A, not yet). A’s reaction was to assume I would never have time for them and we would drift apart, just because I had a partner. They complained about this to me and said that even if I was just their friend and QPP (we were both aro/ace) that they still felt I would abandon them. I tried to calm them down the entire time, this was October 2018. Three days later I had a severe PTSD break (unrelated trauma) and broke up with my ‘boyfriend’. A said it was the right decision and we left it at that.

Cut to me a year later having recovered a bit and realizing I had romantic feelings still. That I *wanted* to kiss and take someone out, and do heavily romantic things. During this time A and I had severe issues with D&D parties also where they would break down if they didn’t know everything and said that I couldn’t produce any part of my worlds for profit bc theh had contributed in a small way. It was a bad time. It lead to the complete disintegration of two relationships that I can...probably never get back. One of which I’m not sure I *want* back, but that’s a different story.

Basically they wanted to be the DM with half the credit despite only making npcs I could easily replace or cut out entirely. Now that I started playing again, I have.

I still was friends with them, still waveringly QPP’s with them. Though I’d often feel my skin crawl when they touched me or wanted to be in my space. This was all the time, not when I got triggered into a PTSD episode. I was annoyed when they wanted to always be in my space and have all my attention. But I felt obligated to A and had been recently traumatized again.

Even with all of this I wanted to come out as gay / mlm but still keep part of my aceness with me. Of course in feeling this, I approached A to let them know. Their response was to immediately come back with ‘we can do all of those things you want to do with a romantic partner’. Which I felt may be true for some aspecs but not me. I wanted to *be* with someone and not just...a friend. I wanted to have a boyfriend and be cheesy. I told A that it was probably true but I wanted something else. That I wanted space to think on what they had said. They came back with ‘you’re abandoning me. You just don’t like me. Everyone always leaves me’. Once again with the ‘you get a bf you’ll forget I exist’ rhetoric 🙃.

I told them that they weren’t the person I wanted to be romantic with. I was looking for someone else. I wasn’t attracted to them that way. They took that as an insult. Though to me they relented. Come to find out A got one of our mutual friends involved bc they lived in the same area. They vented and complained to them that I was going to abandon them, that I was punishing them, that they didn’t know what they did wrong. Which was behavior my parents exhibited when I was forced out as trans to them. That Inwas punishing them somehow for a misdeed or that they knew me better, they did something ‘wrong’.

The only outlet I had away from A was TikTok, we weren’t really doing D&D anymore because the party had dissolved due to their controlling habits. Every account I had was heavily monitored by A, I would vent and they would immediately pull it up and ask if I was okay. Even if I had explicitly said before that I was alright and needed some space. But TikTok was a place they barely went on. So I cosplayed more after our last visit (October 2019), and got a small following after joining a lovely d&d tag ran by one of my now closest friends. I also met my boyfriend through this tag, and several other very close friends. I made an oc that I integrated in one or two sessions of D&D before I completely stopped DMing.

Now, it gets worse. I get a following for cosplaying my oc Asariel Whately, join a server, and for a time have a pretty okay place away from A. Some breathing room. When I mentioned that Asariel (who we had talked about maybe being w/ an oc of theirs) was going to romance my now boyfriends oc in the tag, they got upset. They said that they were sad to see them with someone else, and asked if it could all be before my campaign/not actually be real. I told them no and that I’d continue doing what I wanted.

Well, after that and scouring my TikTok (i made the mistake of saying anything in the first place), they got invited to the server and started RPing/cosplaying in the tag. Which they’re allowed to do, but A has a history of wanting to be in my things and being the center of attention. When I say A got involved with *several* other characters, including a possible *minor*, that doesn’t even cover the worst of it. They got involved in a huge polyam relationship (which is fine, i’ll explain why their behavior was weird tho) that LITERALLY took up chunks of the whole server. Any time my bf and I got into chat to rp out some scene for Asariel and Fraanic, A was there to bury our scene in their own garbage. Could have been conicidence but who knows. Then the minor got added into the mix and most of us just had the server on mute/rped in DMs. It was so bad that other people noticed their bad behavior, meta gaming, and needing to be right.

Our relationship ended when someone from a private close knit server made up of all the people who wanted to remove ourselves from the toxic environment, outed our server. Said there was an nsfw server and A immediately jumped to say they wanted an invite. I panicked and DMed them for the first time in weeks to say that they couldn’t. That I needed space from them and this was the one place I had. We had a fight, they said ‘they’re my friends too’ and I pointed out that they had forced their way in, that I said I needed space. Eventually they gave up on it, thank god. But it left me wrecked for months. I didn’t create, I retreated into a two person server with my best friend who is now my boyfriend and just never looked back.

While I’m grateful that this massive upheaval gave me a new support network, got me into a good place for a romantic partnership, and allowed me to heal...I still have a lot of pain. I felt like I had been commodiefied, like an object because of how kind and soft and pliable I was. Because someone thought I was beautiful and *theirs* in the worst way. My ocs who are some of my largest coping mechanisms were tainted, I could barely play Dragon Age, couldn’t think about it. Because someone had conpletely obliterated my love for it. I hate to think they then continued to do that same thing to other people but I honestly have no clue what A is doing now. They dropped off the planet and honestly good riddance.

[pastellhunny]

•Under The Red Sky•

Chapter 2. Arrangements

About and hour and a half had past since Alastor handed out the phone books. Charlie called many somewhat suitable places to host a dance but everyone she called declined and mocked her over the phone. At some point Alastors nerves were tested by this disrespect. He found it annoying that no one gave her a chance but then again he didn't really believe her either. All he was there for was a good time, something to soothe his boredom and maybe something extra only if it turns out demons can be rehabilitated. Alastor was snapped out of his thoughts when Husk piped up over at the bar.

"Ugh why are we even doing this no one cares about a stupid dance unless theirs drugs, alcohol or money involved." Husk grumbled.

Just then Nifty jumped up from where she was sitting and smacked Husk lightly. "STOP It! that's not the spirit besides i know someone we can call."

Charlie's attention was definitely grabbed by this, "Who is it?"

"Well she's a friend of Alastors they're quite close so i think she'll be able to hook us up huh Ally!" Nifty rejoiced as she jumped up and down and zoomed around Alastor.

Als smile stretch as he tried to hold back laughter. "Pffft... HAHAHAhah that's a good one you little devil you, there's no way in hell-

"Uhhuh, uhuh, uhhh oh okay so in three days you'll have a place for us? Great! Alastor sends his regards. Thank you!" Charlie ended the call as quickly as Nifty cut Alastor off. "So in three days she'll have a room open for us to host the dance."

"Wha-but wait how- did you- well that's perplexing." Alastor thought to himself, Rosie would never let the princess anywhere near her business. Why in the world would she ever say yes?

"I can't believe you knew someone and you didn't tell me?" Charlie asked as she crossed her arms and he expression turned sad for a moment.

A radio crack came through not before Al shook his head, "No no my dear Rosie can be tough to negotiate with she's not one to accept an offer from such a.. um well undesirable place such as this hotel."

Charlie openeded her mouth to say something but Angel got to it first, "So this means we're gonna need beverages right? WELL i'm off to get alcohol byeee!!!" Angel blurted out as he got up and sped out the door.

"HEY ANGEL NO ALCOHOL YOu idiot!!" Vaggie sighed as she muttered that she'll get him and with that she ran out the door after Angel.

"Ugh" Charlie grumbled as she pinched the space between her eyes just above her nose. "Okay well i guess i'll find a way to get the snacks an-"

"Oh no no no dear that won't be necessary, i'm sure i can find a way to get us something up to Rosies taste." Al said as he pondered how he could get something for the party without needlessly paying for it.

"Wait are you sure i can help you out i am the one hosting the party." Charlie offered with a smug smile.

"Ah i think you mean co hosting i am your business partner after all. No but it won't be needed my darling you can go off and tend to other needs while i take care of it." Al noticed her face soften it made a little radio static crackle through as his smile widened. "Anyways i'll see what i can do my dear." He said as he spun to the door.

Charlie smiled fondly as she watched him exit the hotel. It was confusing why he wanted to help but she deeply appreciated the little things he did just for the hotel and supposedly for his entertainment. She shook her head, "I might as well pick something out to wear."

Vaggie went running down the sidewalk after Angel, "Hey shitlord stop for a goddamn second!"

"Oh so you did follow me then huh?" Angel said as he turned around and stopped with a big smile on his face.

"Yeah ofcourse i- wait did you run out just to get me to follow you?" Vaggie asked out of breath as she caught up to him.

"Well yes and no i did wanna go and gets some booze ya know for ma own purposes but i wanted to talk to you about something." Angel continued as they walked down the street towards the liquor store.

"And what's that." Vaggie said while crossing her arms thinking he was about to make a sex joke or something.

"What do you think similes' game is at the hotel?" He asked with a genuine face of somewhat concern.

Vaggie was surprised by this her eyes widened, she didn't think anyone was suspicious of him other than her. "Honestly i don't know, it could be anything. To tarnash the hotel, to make fun of us, or maybe something even worse."

"What could he do if this whole uh rehabilitation thing were true- well um i mean since it is true." Angel stuttered watching what he said to not upset Vaggie.

Vaggie furrowed her brow in annoyance, "An overlord is hard to read especially the radio demon himself is a whole other story. I know for one thing there's no way he could just be here because he's bored." She said as she bent her fingers into air quotes.

"Idk this place gives me a laugh sometimes! HA" Angel laughed as Vaggie punched him hard in the arm.

Back at the hotel Charlie was deciding what she was gonna wear and what the theme should be. Obviously she decided for it to be Classy since Rosie is an overlord and they tend to have pretty high standards. A tux might be too casual for her since she wears one everyday pretty much, a dress would probably empress and give her a little bit more respect if she can turn heads for a good reason.

Charlie reached into the back of her closet for the dress she wore for her family portrait about a 100 or so years ago. Upon pulling it out a little bit of dust smoked off of it so she patted it down all while coughing. "This should do!" Charlie said with a smile as she went to go change into it.

Once Alastor was out the door he used his shadow ability to pretty much teleport himself directly to Rosies emporium recently was Franklin and Rosie but shamefully the cleansing took Franklin with many other sinful demons. Rosies business is more of like a fashion business her entire building is like one big store with the exception of a ware house with a run way to promote her new designs and outfits she has to sell. Rosie was a type of demon that loves luxury. Her soothing voice with a devilish white sharp smile and sense of fashion says it all.

Alastor teleported to Rosies room within the building. Rosie seemed to have expected him as she was sitting in a velvet chair in the corner of the room with a large smile present on her face. The lights were off which made the void that was her eyes seem even more absent.

"So my dear Rosie why did you accept the damsels cry?" Alastor asked as he spun his radio staff and tapped it on the ground. "Not up to anything devious now are we?" He said truly curious as to why she'd let anyone she didn't know near her business.

"What me oh no no that couldn't ever be me, i just want the publicity. Business honey that's all i need from this." Rosie laughed as she stood and gazed out her window towards the hotel across town. "I mean i have a front row seat, isn't that what you're doing there sugar." Rosie questioned with a smug face.

A crackle sifted through the air as Alastor spoke, "Perhaps my dear but this endeavor has turned out to be quite fun on the contrary, why i've never had this many laughs just watching the sad sap of a hotel crumble." An audio track laugh played behind his voice as he spoke but speaking badly upon charlie's hotel for someone reason made him feel uncomfortable.

Rosie chuckled, "No no i mean what do you really want, i know you Alastor and you never do anything without a reason or" she paused, "for mere boredom Ha." She turned from the window to face him, her shadow casting on his face as she stepped closer to him. "I know you already have a devilish plan brewing inside that head of yours."

Alastor stared at her with his wide smile, "Well if you so much desire to know i suppose i'll tell you."

Rosie leaned forward eager to hear what he was going to dish out.

"Only after the party just to make sure you'll stick to your word Rosie dear." Alastor mused as his crooked smile grew. Rosie laughed in response to this.

"You always were one to see a deal through. Oh and did that princess make a deal with you yet?" Rosie asked as Alastor went to turn around.

"No i'm afraid she's a lot smarter than i thought she's impressed me what can i say Rosie." Al smiled at the thought of how happy Charlie will be to host the party. A charming demon belle she is. "Anyways i best be on my way now i promised Charlie that i'd find a way to get her food for the party and-"

"Oh don't worry sugar i'll have it catered just for you and it'll be up to my taste." Rosie said with a little smirk upon her face as she laughed at the idea of non expensive foods being at the dance. "Consider this as you owe me one, fair enough Ally?"

Alastor furrowed his brow in annoyance he hated her little nickname she gave him Al was far better in his opinion. "Hmm lets make it a deal then." Al said as he leaned forward and extended his arm out to Rosie the green glow illuminating the room and wind seemingly gushing from its illumination. "And don't call me Ally, please." he said with a wide grin.

Rosie smiled softly as she took his hand and gently shook it. The green glow disappeared upon the shake a spark of green electricity swirled and then dissipated into thin air. "Pleasure doing business with you."

"The pleasures mine now if you'll excuse me the misses are expecting me." Al joked but Rosie didn't laugh she just smiled a knowing smile as he teleported back to the hotels front door.

"Hmm he seems a bit off" Rosie thought as she watched him disappear.

Alastor returned back to the hotel in what seemed like minutes though he didn't turn up with anything which may be a surprise to Charlie. But thanks to his shadow he can pretty much cross all the corners of hell in a mere minute at his fastest. This is probably what made him such a good hunter, stealthy and fast just like when he was still among the living he was very cunning. Al rembered his living life for a moment before the thought of the princess creeped into his head. He shook his old memories away and went on his way looking for Charlie.

"Charlie? Oh charlie?!" Al shouted as he crossed the main area of the hotel. "Hmm where has she gone to?" He thought to himself as he made his way up the stairs.

At the hotel everyone has their own room even Alastor has a room. Charlie set it up since she considered him a patron since he did approach her first after all and she found him quite enjoyable to have around. However Al hasn't slept over night in that room once, he has his own place across town so he doesn't see the need. But still the thought is what mattered the most to him, a symbol of their friendship so far and her trust to let an overlord like him sleep over in the same building as her. It made him laugh how naive she was but how nice she was.. she gives anyone a chance. Al smiled fondly at this thought and stopped in his tracks, a little crackle bliped through him. A sigh escaped him as he used his shadow to teleport to the top floor, better to not exhaust any energy.

Charlie's room which was at the top of the hotel, had a balcony and the best view of hell from what he's seen from the outside of the hotel. Al creeped up to the door, it was slightly open, he was about ready to knock but something caught his eye. He peered through the small crack to see golden locks held together by barb wire and a flowy skirt flowed beneath the hair. Al was dead silent as he watched her turn to face the mirror in front of her, giving him a better view of what she looked like from the front. Her skirt had overall straps over her shoulders and begin just below her chest. She wore a white and decorative long sleeve blouse underneath the black skirt. Her legs being the most noticeable, peered out from under the skirt at about knee length. Al was mesmerized by this show of beauty, he had no idea the princess could look so elegant.

Alastors arm was suspended in time hovering just beside the door ready to knock but something kept him from doing so. As he watched the princess more he grew more and more entranced by her flowy movements as she spun and danced in front of the mirror. She looked so happy. Just then radio blips and cracks disrupted the silence the static was somewhat musical and loud. The interferance he can't really control he never understood them but simply they're just attached to his feelings. Something Al could never come to realize or understand on his own.

Charlie(POV) stood in front of her mirror happy with how her old outfit looked. She gave herself a little spin just to see her skirt frilly up and then fall back down. She was even impressed with herself and how she did on her hair, she perfectly recreated the look she made for her old family portrait. Suddenly chills ran up Charlie's spine as loud radio cracks and static came from the door to her room.

"Shit, shit, shit turn off dammit!" Al whispered to himself and fumbled with his staff trying to make the noise shut off. The static lessened and quieted down a little bit the princess already heard him for sure. Al sighed away all his embarrassment still bearing a smile as he knocked on the door. "Charlie, it's me you're business partner! I'm back from my trip my dear!"

There was a pause before the door opened slowly and out peered Charlie's head around the corner. He face covered in a blush and it wasn't just her naturally pink cheeks giving off that affect. "Um how long were you standing there?" She asked as she averted her eyes from him.

"I-" Al stood with his eyes wide open, normally invading privacy was one of his strong suits but for some reason he felt bad for watching her without Charlie knowing. So he did the only thing he could think of. He lied pretty much. "Oh no don't worry darling i just got here." He reassured her.

Her face cleared as she let out a relaxed sigh and opened the door fully to reveal her whole outfit up close. Alastor stared at her for what seemed like an eternity before she got nervous again and looked away.

Charlie brushed a little strand of blond hair out of her face as she spoke. "So um, Al you know Rosie the best is this something that might impress."

Al stood still, still in a daze before slowly opening his mouth to deliver what he had to say. "Oh no it won't impress Rosie hardly any, she's one of the top fashion demons out there, I mean the stuff she wears is top notch!"

To this the lights in charlie's eyes dimmed as her smile turned into a frown. A crackle of static was heard, with something different happening this time it.. hurt? It pained him to see her frown.

"Uh no my dear i.. No i-i didn't mean it like that i-" Al stuttered, he didn't know what to say he humbled his words trying to say something to make her frown go away.

Charlie looked up and met his gaze not before turning away and putting her hand on the door. "No it's okay Al i don't expect to impress such a high and mighty demon anyway. It was worth a shot i guess."

The door slowly moved to shut but Al stuck his foot in between the door and the wall stopping it from closing. "Wait Charlie."

Charlie's head lifted quickly to see Al with what looked like a look of concern told only by his eye brows since all he ever did was smile but even that too looked stressed.

"If i must add.. I think you look wonderful and absolutely stinky. For what it's worth you've impressed me my dear and besides you're never fully dressed without a smile." Al spoke softly as the words left his mouth. Charlie was shocked by the sound of his voice, no radio filtered over it, it was clear and smoothe. She looked up at him and slowly her smile grew before she decided to make a daring move. She held out her hand like she was pressing it up against a flat wall.

Al looked at her perplexed before she took his hand and placed it flat against hers and then wrapped her thumb around his hand and his around her hand. "I know you don't liked to be touched so i'll give you a hug this way."

Alastor was at a complete loss for words, his hand touching hers gave him a sick feeling to his stomach like his guts were about to crawl out of his skin. Her hand was so soft and smooth he almost didn't wanna let go, it was warm to the touch and comforting to say the least. His normal radio static was gone and instead a song from the thirty's filtered in and began to play. Al noticed right away and reluctantly swooped his hand away from hers consequently stopping the music with a what sounded like a record scratch.

Charlie noticed his sudden movement and gave him a free exit ticket fearing she over stepped. "Oh i'm so sorry, i um guess you should probably inform the others to dress classy for this event." She said with a soft yet nervous smile.

Al gratefully took this offer and waved her goodbye before exiting her room and pretty much instantly teleporting to his room at the hotel. The moment he got inside he sat on the velvet red bed, the room came with, with a flop. "What in the world just happened?" Al asked to himself outloud.

His little radio staff responded back to him only with the same song that Al cut off earlier. The thirties love song type of music.

"Oh please i don't need a dance party at the moment. I don't understand did she use some sort of demonic power on me back there or what?!" Al debated deeply, no way as far as he can tell he's much stronger than that charming demoness he'd be able to sense it.

His staff rolloed its single eye, "You know for and overlord you're quite oblivious! Hah" A laugh track crackled through, it's gonna take a lot for Al to figure it out.

⎯

part 1 part 3

[orange-waterfalls]

I'm Havin' Feelings Fer Ye

Captain Magnum x gender neutral!reader

@lovefor-xreaders ty for the prompt!

A/N: Guess who has no life and wrote an entire 2,000 word fanfic all in one day? THIS ASSHOLE! im so fucking bored guys, please, this is all I have. Send prompts. Uh... Rated T for cursing and violence. I think mostly angst, fluff at the end.

Word Count: 2.3k

--

You danced around the ship with some of the other crewmates to shanties the captain sang. You found treasure! You actually found treasure! You had honestly expected to die at some point… but you didn't! And you found treasure! That was wonderful! You were starting to think the heist wasn't such a bad idea! Even though Mark's… gone… you'd be alright! You had treasure! You'd be alright…

Captain Magnum watched you as you danced around, a smile present on your face. It made him feel all weird inside… he'd lived long enough to know what love feels like… probably. This was not it… he didn't think… he honestly didn't know. But when he watched you spin and kick your feet and laugh… he felt real happy…

You danced for a while before you eventually got tired and sat down, panting. The captain and the crew were messing with the treasure. Picking it up and letting it fall back into the chest, examining it, biting it…

These people were weird…

You held out your hands for your share of the treasure, since you were being patient. He looked to you and set a small coin in your hand, curling your fingers and patting them. You squinted at him, wondering if he's actually serious. He seemed to be, since he headed to his quarters immediately after. You frowned, looking at the coin. You'd talk to him about that later…

Captain Magnum felt a bit bad about only giving you a coin. What else was he supposed to do? You might've left if he gave you more treasure! He couldn't have that! Then again… that seemed a bit manipulative… eh, you'd be fine. He sat down in his chair and thought about you.

You were an enigma to him.

He'd felt this way before… but it was so… prominent this time… why was he so fond of you? It's not like you were special! You just had beautiful skin and sparkly eyes and the most stunning smile he'd ever seen and...

Goddamnit, he was in love…

He sighed, wondering what he was going to do about this, when he heard a sharp knock at his door. He jumped a bit, not expecting anybody since it was pretty late. He stood up and walked over, opening the door. You were standing there with your arms crossed. He was going to greet you, but you looked pissed. He wondered why. Then, you held up the coin.

"Are you kidding?" You asked accusingly. "I'm your first mate, you trust me enough to choose where we go, and you give me this bullshit?" You started walking towards him. Despite the height difference, he felt a bit intimidated by you. He stepped back.

"Listen, I be th' cap'n. I already told ye, me share be more fair than others," he stated. You glared at him and he felt his stomach drop. "Ye knew wha' ye were gettin' into, ye can nah be angry," he crossed his arms. You sighed.

"Fine. Whatever," you mumbled as you left the cabin. He opened his mouth to apologize, but nothing came out. He closed his mouth again. You were already gone anyway. Nothing he could do about it now. He'd get some sleep and you'd be fine in the morning.

--

It had been a few days since you found the treasure. You weren't talking to Magnum. He kept glancing at you as you were swabbing the deck. Your smile was replaced with a frown. It was less of an angry frown and more of a sad frown, but it made him feel just as bad. He waited a while to talk to you because he didn't want to mess it up. He eventually decided that it was a good enough time to do so, and he walked over to you.

"Mornin', first mate! How did ye sleep?" He asked. You paused for a moment, but you didn't answer. "Uh... 'twas a bit windy last night, huh? Glad we got all th' loot inside..." you still didn't look up, but your frown got tighter. He patted his hands on his legs and sucked in a breath. "Wonderful weather we be havin'?" You finally stopped mopping and turn to him.

"What do you want?" You asked, exasperated. He frowned.

"Are ye okay? Ye seem upset…" he commented.

"Oh, no yeah I'm totally fine!" You scoffed. "My best friend's dead, the guy who killed him won't even bother giving me any sort of compensation, I may never see my family or friends again, but sure I'm fine." You stated, mopping vigorously. Magnum sighed and looked at your face. You looked like you were on the verge of tears. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to find the right words.

"I... I be sorry. I'll give ye more treasure if... If ye promise ye won't weigh anchor…" he finally managed. You stopped and turned to him slowly. His eyes widened. "No, no, no! Ye... I didn'... um…" he gulped as you raised an eyebrow at him.

"Uh-huh. Go on. I'm waiting." You demanded. He took a deep breath.

"I... I find ye endearin'... 'n I wants ye t' stay... wit' me... specifically." He said. Your face softened a bit, to his joy. He smiled.

"I… have people back home." You said. His smile fell. "I can't just… leave and… not tell them anything…"

"Then tell 'em! Write 'em a letter or somethin'! That would be fine!" He said desperately.

"What am I supposed to say? "Hey, guys! I eloped with a 7 foot tall pirate and am now sailing the seven seas as his first mate"?"

"...yes?" He said, unsure. You sighed and looked down. He held his breath, waiting for whatever you were going to say next.

"What am I supposed to tell his family?" You asked softly. He took a deep breath.

"I... I dunno. 'n... I be mighty, mighty sorry about wha' I did t' yer friend... But... I... I be... I reckon I be in love wit' ye…" he said shakily. You looked up at him, your eyes widened. You could see a tint of red on his suntanned cheeks. He avoided your eyes for a bit before you chuckled. He looked at you. You smiled at him warmly. He returned it.

"I…" you began, blushing. You were cut off by the sound of a cannon.

"Avast! Prepare to be boarded!" A voice boomed from above.

"Oh, God, not again," you whined. Magnum reached out to put a hand on your shoulder, but another cannonball whizzed past you two, making you fall in different directions.

"Ye hide. I'll take care o' this," he instructed. He unsheathed his sword as you hid behind a nearby barrel, watching him to see if he'd need any assistance.

"Who be thar? Show yourself, yellow-bellied cur!" He yelled. You blinked, processing what he said. "Yellow-bellied cur". Huh. That was new. You heard wood creaking behind you and ducked further behind the barrel. You slowly rose and saw a man standing in from of Magnum. He was taller than you and had an average build, and was wearing a pirate outfit. His clothes looked… cleaner and more fancy than Magnum's. He was holding a sword and had a peg leg.

"Who are ye callin' a yellow-bellied cur?" He said in a low, rough voice.

"Obviously you, shitlord!" You said, quickly covering your mouth with your hand afterwards. The man turned and looked at you. He raised an eyebrow, smirking. You suddenly felt… violated.

"Well, well, well. Wha' 'ave we here?" He chuckled. "I may jus' keep ye fer meself." You laid your hand on a revolver.

Magnum tightened his fist around the hilt of his sword and swung. The man blocked it and stumbled back.

"Ye lay a hand on them, ye're dead." He growled. The man smirked and tried to jab at his side. Magnum managed to block it in time. The two captains went on sword fighting for a couple minutes while you stayed behind the barrell. The other man's crew was on the ship fighting the rest of yours. You felt a bit useless, so you grabbed the revolver and aimed towards the other pirates. You grazed two in their legs, and nailed one in the shoulder. You lost track of Captain Magnum after a while. While you looked for him, you heard something land behind you. You yelped and spun around, seeing the invading captain.

"Ahoy thar, darlin'," he smirked at you. You held the revolver up to aim at him. He scoffed. "C'mon, darlin'. Thar's no needs fer that. I won't hurt ye… Much."

"Go fuck yourself," you snarled.

"Such naughty language fer such a sweet thin'." He laughed. "I'll 'ave fun wit' ye."

"Oh, yeah, that doesn't sound creepy at all. Great," You sighed. He took a step towards you and you cock the gun. "Don't move, asshole." You warned.

"Oh, come on now." He chuckled. "We both know ye're too soft t' shoot me. So, why don't ye-" You shoot. The bullet hits him in the side. His eyes widened as he stared at you in disbelief.

"Something about me, captain," you set the gun down and walked over to him as he fell to the floor. "My best friend is dead. I'm feeling a bit pissed. And I have shot a man before." You got on one knee and leaned down next to his ear. "I'm not as soft as I look." You stood back up and walked back to the middle of the deck.

Captain Magnum was frantically walking around. The crew looked okay, so you sighed. The captain heard and spun towards you. He smiled widely as he ran over and enveloped you in a hug.

"Oh, thank Poseidon. Ye're okay. If I had lost ye I... I... I dunno wha' I'd do!" He stammered, petting your head. "Ye're okay, right?" You smiled and hugged him back.

"I'm alright, Captain," You whispered. He sighed and held you for a while before the previous first mate cleared his throat.

"'tis real touchin' 'n all, but we should prolly repair th' ship." He suggested. Magnum turned to him, glaring.

"Ye interrupted a bondin' moment t' tell me that?" He glowered. You bit your lip to keep from laughing. The crewmate opened his mouth to respond, but almost immediately closed it and started picking up pieces of wood. The other crewmates followed suit.

"We should help them," you declared. Magnum looked at you, his eyebrows knitted together.

"But do we 'ave t'?" He asked hopefully. You smiled and pulled away from him. Despite wearing a couple layers, he could feel the absence of your warmth. He sighed and helped clean up.

--

It took a while, but you all managed to clean up the deck. You'd probably need to buy more wood to repair the boat, but you figured it'd be fine. It was dark now and everyone had retired to their quarters. Except for you. You sat on the deck, staring up at the stars. Magnum left his quarters to check on you. He got worried when he saw you weren't asleep. He walked over to you, ruining the mood a bit with how loud he was. He dropped next to you with a loud creak of the floor. You didn't look at him.

"Ahoy," he greeted.

"Hi," you responded bluntly. You both sat there for a moment while he came up with things to say.

"Are ye okay?"

"Yep."

"Okay. That be good." Silence. "Wha' are ye doin'?"

"Just… stargazing."

"Okay. Why?"

"Felt like it."

"Oh." More silence. "Are ye thinkin' about 'im?"

"Yes."

"Do ye want t' talk about 'im?"

"No. Not tonight. Maybe another time."

"Ok... 'tis a tad cold tonight."

"Yeah. I guess so."

"Me cabin be th' warmest... If ye... Wanted t' sleep in thar... Wit' me... That would be alright…" You whipped you head towards him surprised. He noticed your panic. "Or not! That be fine too! I understand. Sorry fer botherin'. Goodnight!" He started to stand up, but you took his hand. He looked at your interlocked hands, flushed, then back at you.

"That would… that'd be fine." You said shakily. "I just… want to stay out here a bit longer."

"Ok," He nodded and plopped back down. You retracted your hand and tucked your knees to your chest, looking back up. He continued to look at you for a second, smiling, before looking back up. You chuckled.

"He loved space…"

--

Captain Magnum could listen to you talk for hours. You start talking about stars, then about Mark, then you get to talking about your other friends and family. He listened to everything you said because he knew it was important to you. You started to yawn after 45 minutes and you leaned on his arm. He froze in place, not wanting to bother you. Eventually, he looked down at you to see if you were asleep. Once he confirmed you were, he effortlessly lifted you up and carried you to his cabin. He gently set you on the large, warm bed. He wasn't planning on getting on it with you. You weren't there yet. You hadn't even told him you loved him back. He couldn't in good conscience get into a bed with you. He sat in his chair and looked at you. You were so…

"Gorgeous," he said under his breath. You cracked an eye open.

"Right back at you," you slurred. He blushed. You held out your arms. "Come into bed," he blushed deeper.

"No, I don't reckon I should…" He tried to say. You whined and he just couldn't. He stood up and carefully climbed into the bed with you, making sure to keep a bit of space between you two. That was pointless because you immediately turned over and snuggled into his chest. He gently moved his arms to embrace you tightly. He set a small kiss to your head and just lied there, wanting to treasure this moment.

Your eyes closed again as you heard him say "I love you". You smiled.

"I love you, too."

If I didn't say it before SEND PROMPTS

[inkribbon796]

Where the Crossroads Meet Ch 2

Summary: As reality breaks down, heroes and villain meet for the first time and Dark sees another demon for the first time in decades.

<= PREVIOUS

Chapter 2: Collision

Reality itself was bending and twisting, sliding apart and crashing together like it was a series of gears being forced into specific places. The earth collapsing and sliding together as people and objects were thrown about.

A river appeared in Egoton where it had never been before, and a haunted lake filled with dark, cursed magic hanging over it like a cancerous, poisoned miasma appeared in Gainesville.

Dark was working at his desk, things had calmed down a bit since he’d yelled at Wil over the phone. Once he was in prison he’d set a timer and then go and pick Wil up. But Dark was in a meeting about the network when he felt something similar to the Manor ripping it’s way through the room.

The Entity shuddered violently, feeling like the body he was in was absolutely freezing.

“Dark?” Edgar asked, the young enforcer looking at him in concern.

The shuddering didn’t pass, Dark felt wrong, that something was terribly wrong and it was about to get worse.

Standing up, Dark was already pulling up as much of his aura as he could. “Get everyone inside their warehouse! Now! Tell them to hunker down!”

Edgar flinched momentarily before him and the other captains and lieutenants Dark had been talking to, began to run out the door as quickly as they could.

Dark was already trying to open up a portal into the Void but it wasn’t letting him access it so he pushed himself through the crowd. “Move!”

Quickly getting outside, Dark spread his aura as far as he could and grabbed all thirteen of the warehouses, pushing anyone who was outside inside. The ground was spilling and shaking, warping as buildings crashed into other buildings that appeared out of thin air and then disappeared as the ground was spilling apart.

“Dark!” Silver flew over, looking around. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know, you’re the hero, do something about it!” Dark spat at him, he didn’t want to keep yelling at Silver. Any concentration he gave to the hero was concentration away from forcing his aura over the warehouses, and the ground was splitting under one of them so he had to hold it up over the gaping maw in the ground.

“Any chance you could do that to the rest of the city?” Silver said, clearly noticing the space Dark was covering.

“No!” Dark grunted. “Make yourself actually useful, and save my town already.”

Silver let out an audible huff, flying off, “Not your town, shitlord!”

Dark saw him doing his best to safely catch people in buildings and evacuate them so he didn’t spare Silver another thought.

Something flashed in front of him, but Dark tried to ignore it, it was a human face that was half gaunt on one side and literally scaly. The face seemed equally surprised to see him but it was gone and Dark was focusing on keeping his network physically afloat.

The Entity was frantically looking around, he was having trouble drawing all his power from the Void. His connection was getting stronger but with how much chaos was spreading through the city, it was better to drop the warehouses back on solid ground the instant he could.

Quickly observing the ground around him, Dark found out that the ground wasn’t just splitting, it was dividing as if something new was being added in. Dark followed the space his warehouses had been over, trying to keep all over them over solid ground.

After another couple minutes of his city heaving and collided with what looked like an ever changing city. But Dark was able to set the warehouses down, trying to get them in the same places as they were before, pulling his aura back as quickly as he could.

One of his newer captains ran out, Dark thought his name was “Derek”. “Hey, boss, what’s going on?”

“Get back to work,” Dark yelled at him. “And if you find Wil, stab him immediately.”

“Uh,” Derek looked nervous and more than a bit terrified. “Sure, boss.”

Dark took the time to relax, letting his aura seep back towards the Void where it belonged, the town was various degrees of ruined and destroyed around him but he’d deal with that after a cup of coffee and locking Wil in the Void until he figured out what was going on.

While he was relaxing on top of his main warehouse Dark felt and heard a violent and electrical-sounding tear in the Void. The Entity looked up to see a glitchy green figure fling itself out of the Void and instant look at Dark with a huge smile.

Dark stood up, trying to get as much information about what he was pretty sure that what he was looking at was a demon.

“Well, well, well,” the glitch demon was clearly sizing Dark up, even his voice glitching up. “Nice muscle show, suits. Still got any power left?”

Dark used his aura to brush off any dust on his suit, not taking his eyes off the rival demon. “I have more than enough. But you’re in my city and I’d like you to leave.”

Looking about as intimidated as if Dark had pulled a puppy out of his back pocket and thrown it at the rival demon, the glitch demon looked around for a bit before pointing to a corner of the street, “Yeh fookin’ me sideways? I pissed on that wall. That’s my territory.”

Dark scowled at him, already deciding he hated the creature and was going to have him painfully exorcised.

“So, what’s yer name, mine’s Anti,” Anti smiled sharkishly.

“If I cared for your name I would have asked,” Dark dismissed angrily. “The only thing I’m concerned about is the time you are wasting me by breathing.”

Anti summoned a serrated knife and tapped it to his chin, “You remind me of this old fookin’ geezer I met, I can practically smell the magical rot on yah. I think I’ll call yeh Raccoon Eyes.”

“It’s Dark, you sufferable brat,” Dark snarled. “And I will decorate my territory with your blood and mount your head on a pike.”

Anti scoffed, almost laughing, which was only making Dark angrier, his form splitting and fracturing. “Right, like I’m real scared ‘a the shambling corpse who thinks his cheap guyliner is a good substitute fer the shadows ‘a eternal darkness.”

Something in Dark’s self-control just snapped and he lunged, Anti summoning a ring of knives around him as Dark gathered as much of the Void’s magic around him.

Wilford was walking down an unfamiliar street, when the world had started breaking and rearranging itself Wilford had held onto the box until he could safely store it in his part of the Void. Now all he had to do was find Dark.

Problem was: he had no idea where he was or where Dark was.

“Huh,” Wilford furrowed his mustache a little bit. “My mind must be failing me more than I thought. Dark? Dark!” 

Then Wil shrugged and pulled out his favorite revolver and just started emptying the cylinder into the air. People screamed, ducking away from him and trying to put as much distance between them and the madman with a revolver.

Wil waited for a minute for Dark to show up, and when that didn’t happen he flipped open the wheel, dropping the empty cylinder and started to reload it. “Huh, must be in a meeting.”

The madman pointed it at a crowd of people and began firing.

Jackie, who had suddenly found himself on a different street then where he’d been with J.J inside the crumbling bank, had heard gunshots and started immediately running towards the pandemonium. The instant he saw the gun firing and he immediately dashed in to move the bullets out of the way, the gun clicking uselessly.

“Yo, barbershop singlet!” Jackie called to the man as he stood in-between the shooter and the crowd. “Did ye lose yer way ta yer shop or did the other guys ‘a yer quartet leave yah hangin’?”

Wilford stared at the hero in red, tapping his bottom lip with his gun, “I’m sorry, have we met.”

“Nah,” Jackie told him, “but don’t suppose yah can stop shooting at people?”

“Well I’m only poking people to find my boyfriend, normally he shows up after the cops do,” Wil explained. “Name’s Wilford Warfstache, a pleasure to meet you.”

“Jackieboy Man,” Jackie introduced hesitantly. “So you find your boyfriend or the police, and you’ll stop shooting people?

“Oh post-haste,” Wilford promised, jumping up a little bit.

“So can we put the gun away?” Jackie asked.

“Oh this?” Wilford waved it around it a bit.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jackieboy Man tried not to seem rattled.

Wilford smiled, pocketing his gun, it disappearing into thin air to Jackie’s concern and confusion, “Okay, Darky lives on Hill Road.”

“Well we can start with the police station, it’s three blocks down the road,” Jackie offered.

The man shrugged, “Okay.”

Wilford held his arm out, “Lead the way.”

Jackie started walking with Wilford, trying to keep him distracted and non-violent. “So, buddy, where yah from?

“Egoton,” Wilford smiled. “Lived there almost my whole life.”

“Where’s that?” Jackie asked.

Wil stopped, his mustache furrowing, “I’m not sure. You know, I’ve never had problems getting back home until now. I always just find my way back to him and the House.”

“Well, we’ll get yah there soon buddy,” Jackie clapped him on the shoulder.

Wilford smiled, reminding Jack of an overgrown puppy. Then he pepped up, “Oh, I know where we are!”

Jackie, at that moment, became acutely aware that he wasn’t in Althone, he was somewhere else. “Where’s that?”

“We’re near the Oakren, Darky owns this place,” Wilford exclaimed, running up to it. “I’ll give him a call.”

Jackie started to follow him in, but froze when he heard a series of loud explosions off in the distance.

In another part of town Virgil was standing along the street, confused. Just a couple seconds ago he’d been cowering from the earthquake next to Janus and now he was in a place he’d never been before. He fought the urge to look like a five-year-old lost in a mall and waiting to get kidnapped by some stranger.

He didn’t have long to think about calling out before the ground was shot around him.

“Hey!” Virgil shouted angrily before he saw some guy in a grey hoodie holding what Virgil was fairly certain was a NERF gun. “What the?”

“We told yeh freaks not ta come back inta town!” He shouted, clearly not an American. “Or did yah have yer ears clogged with rotting flesh?”

Virgil recoiled in disgust, “Hold up, I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”

“Nah, not falling for that again,” he told him.

Whatever he said was lost on both of them when part of the building next to them exploded and something flew towards them.

Virgil yelped, flinching back and waiting to get hit.

“Anti! What the hell?”

Virgil pulled up his hood a bit to see his attacker arguing with a guy picking himself off the ground and floating in green and black glitchy static.

“Hey, Average?” The glitchy creature smiled at him. “Yer not using yer body right now, are yah?”

“Of course I am!” Average shouted, angry and clearly terrified.

The glitch demon made a disbelieving face, “Nah, I need it more. Don’t worry, I won’t give it back too badly damaged.”

“No!” Average shouted but Anti turned into static and just jumped into the guy, his eyes turned into staticky green and he turned towards the broken building as everything went grey and Virgil tried to put as much distance between him and the situation as possible

“Howdy, fooker!” Anti shouted at the Entity as he ported in, lifting up Chase’s gun. “Ready fer round two?”

Virgil was grabbed by Janus who was trying to keep Virgil behind him. “Dee, what’s going on?”

“Nothing good,” Deceit hummed. “But we might be able to come out ahead if we play this right.”

“Get out of that pathetic meat sack,” Dark shouted, throwing his aura up as a shield against the foam projectiles. “If you can’t be bothered to fight me for real, then go back to Hell.”

“You first,” Anti forced Chase to say. “Why don’t yah step out of yer own rotting flesh sack an’ we’ll call it even. That can’t be good on the joints.”

“Just,” Dark groaned. “I just want you to die so I can get back to work, is that so hard?”

“Yes!” Anti shouted. “Yah were on my turf.”

Janus clapped, drawing attention to him and Virgil. “So which of you fine fellows do I have to thank for breaking apart space and time?”

“What are you doing?” Virgil croaked, hiding behind Janus.

“Oh that’s right, show fear in front of the demons,” Janus scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“If I wanted advice from the peanut gallery, I would have asked,” Dark growled.

“Yeah, fook off,” Anti shouted.

“What concerns me far more is that our towns have merged, and you two are fighting, spending your energy battling each other when we could be making the most of the situation. Besides, we’re looking for our compatriot and he’s attracted to chaos not rampant destruction.”

“Fookin’ brainy, ain’t yah,” Anti rolled his eyes, before looking back at Dark, “come on, 3-D Tinitus, let’s do this.”

“Quiet,” Dark scoffed, manifesting an echo to observe Janus closer as he kept his eyes on Anti. “I have too much to do today to get involved in a pointless scuffle with you.”

“Buzzkill,” Anti scoffed. “Maybe I should have grabbed the magician instead, least he can set stuff on fire.”

Dark was already trying to summon a portal to force Anti through to buy himself at least a couple minutes of peace and quiet to think of how to get himself out of this mess without being stabbed in the back.

That thought was derailed when a ripple that cut through time itself tore through the little alley they were standing in.

“Shit!” Anti spat, looking around. “Where’s that fooker?”

Deceit and Virgil looked confused, Virgil clinging a bit tighter to the other side. Dark, however, realized that there was someone nearby messing around with the time stream and he only knew of Wil who could affect those around him. He was trying to find the madman’s aura but saw no trace of it.

“Anxiety!” A voice shouted, impossibly behind Deceit and Anxiety, despite no one standing there mere seconds ago.

The two Sides turned to see Logan in his costume staring at them.

“Hey! Where’d you come from?” Anxiety spat, Dark and Anti were looking at the new addition to their group.

“Da fook are you?” Anti asked.

Logan took out a stick and he hit the end of it and it erupted into fire.

Anxiety screamed, reflexively letting out a burst of his fear waves, engulfing the area around him.

Dark flinched, more out of surprise than fear, he did get a brief glance of a body in a red robe hitting the floor with a sickening wet thud and dark soulless eyes looking at him. His twin souls roiled a bit before Dark pulled them all out of its effects, assured that he would be braced the next time it happened.

Thankfully, no one noticed Dark’s little crisis because Janus was a bit too preoccupied calming Anxiety. The wave was so strong it spooked Chase enough to wake up and panic enough that the fear pushed Anti out of his mind.

“AHHHHHH!” Chase screamed, and fell to the ground. J.J was there to catch him and with Logan’s help the two ran off with Chase.

“You!” Dark yelled at Deceit. “Control him, or I will.”

“Little fooker cost me a good host,” Anti spat, a serrated knife in his hands, knowing that by this point Chase was too unconscious and frazzled to be any use to him.

“I didn’t expect them to come out of nowhere,” Deceit shouted, casting an illusion in front of his eyes to calm him down, Anxiety was looking around wildly. “Logic is dangerous but last I saw of him he couldn’t appear out of thin air!”

“Give me five minutes an’ he’ll be plunged inta the fifth layer ‘a Hell,” Anti promised.

“You can have the techno manic, so long as I get to have a talk with his friend,” Dark dismissed.

“Oh, Jay? Sure as long as yeh don’t fook him up too bad, been wanting to see how his body ticks,” Anti agreed.

“I make no promises,” Dark warned, as Janus frantically tried to think of a way to make this better and not get Logan killed outright. The brainiac was annoying and bullheaded, but he was still a Side.

NEXT =>

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom Ch.4

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants

    The man turns to look at you. “The fuck? Why’re you in the men’s room?” He says, slurring his words a bit, and putting up a hand to brace his weight against the nearest wall. He fucking reeks of liquor that you can smell from here, and his hair is slightly disheveled.

“I’m not in the men's room. You're in the ladies' room," You say, boldly. You feel the alcohol you’ve consumed making its way to your head, and the words flow out of your mouth freely. "And if you don't mind, I'll be leaving." You move to step past him and towards the door. As soon as your fingertips brush the door handle though, a hand shoots out and grabs you by the wrist, stopping you. You freeze.

"You are such a rude bitch, you know that?" He says, pushing himself away from the wall and facing his body towards you. You try and pull your arm away from him, but his grip is tight. What the fuck? You're going to snap this bastard's neck.

"Let go of my arm." You say, livid. You can see his eyes boring into you. He looks down at your collarbone and breasts, his eyes moving all over any patch of bare skin you just happen to be showing tonight. You feel exposed in the worst way possible. Trying to move your arm out of his grip again, you feel his fingers tighten ever so slightly.

"Girls like you, you think you can just get whatever you want by dressing like that and going to a bar," He says, spitting a little and glaring at you. 

"I'm not TRYING to do anything, let my arm go you bastard-" you get cut off as he tugs you forward, he's now only inches from your face and the smell of musty cigarettes and shitty vodka hits your senses. It's utterly revolting, and you hold back gagging visibly. You hear noise coming from outside the bathroom.

"You are taking an awwwfully long time in there, Y/N.” You hear Spinel say from behind you as she’s opening the door. She audibly stops. “What the fuck is going on here?” 

    Before you can even attempt to comprehend what is going on, you hear an extremely loud THUD on the opposite side of the bathroom and you feel as though you are launched several feet forward. You feel yourself squished against something and open your eyes to see something shiny. Spinel is holding you against herself, a single arm wrapped around you. Her other arm is comically stretched out and her fist is huge, holding your harasser against the now damaged wall. 

"You think you can just waltz right into the ladies room? Here? In this bar? You're stupider than ya’ look." She says, and tightens her grip around you. Ohhh my god, you’re such a useless lesbian, because you can feel her breast pressed against your arm and you’re trying SO HARD to not have an internal meltdown right now. You steel your face and try your best to dull your heart beats, because they’re currently Very Loud. Fuck. You hear the man whimper. “I thought I told ya to Leave. My. Friend. Alone.” She enunciates each word clearly, and angrily.

“Look, I don’t want no trouble..” You can hear him say, barely.

“You don’t want ‘no’ trouble?” She says, openly mocking him. “Shoulda thought about that before you came in here!” You hear the door slam open again, and can make out two pairs of feet running in.

“Spinel! We heard a loud noise! You guys okay??” Bismuth rushes over to the two of you, looking very concerned. She notices you in Spinel’s arms, and then the man Spinel is currently holding against the wall. “What happened!?” Lapis is standing next to Bismuth with her hands on her hips, and she looks pissed about the wall damage. Oops.

“This guy here,” Spinel shakes him a bit, and some of the wall crumbles around him onto the floor. You are trying and failing at not looking at Spinel’s gem. It glimmers every time she moves, and it sits perfectly right in between-. You look away before anyone catches you. “Came into the ladies room to harass a girl alone. I stopped him.” 

“Y/N? You okay?” Bismuth asks.

“Yeah. Was just surprised.” You say, like you’re not a complete disaster. 

“I’m just glad no one got hurt.” Bismuth says, and starts walking over to the trapped man. She nods to Spinel, who then slowly lets the man drop into Bismuth’s hold. She lifts him up by his armpits.. kind of like a child. You hold back a laugh. Bismuth holds him out in front of her, and squints at him. “And you.. You sir, broke like, 4 house rules. I’m gonna have to make you leave.” She makes her way over to the door with the man in tow, flopping him over her shoulder. Lapis turns to glare at the wall (and all of its damage), and then at Spinel, and turns to leave.

"We'll talk about this later." Is all she says, as the door closes behind her. 

    It is now so quiet in here that you could hear a pin drop. Spinel is still holding you, and you can hear her breathing ever so softly. “U-um,” You attempt to find your voice.

“Oh! Whoops,” She quickly drops her arm from holding you, and visibly deflates a little in relief. “I was so caught up that I..” She trails off, and her gaze makes its way over to your face. Her pink irises find yours. “I’m just glad you’re actually okay.”

“Me too.” You say, rubbing the side of your arm absentmindedly, still feeling a bit warm where she was touching you. Spinel notices your arm movement.

“Did I hurt you just then? I’m so sorry, I-”

“No, I’m fine.” You cut her off. “Still trying to wrap my mind around all of that. It just happened all so quickly.” You lie. You’ve dealt with worse men, in worse situations. This wasn’t something you couldn’t have handled yourself, if it got to that. She just didn’t need to know that you were having an internal gay crisis over being manhandled by a pretty girl. Alien. Whatever. “And thank you. For saving me, I mean. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come in, just then. Seriously, his breath smelled so bad.” You give her a warm, earnest smile. “I would have done that for anyone, and besides,” You watch her cheeks turn pink as she shrugs. “Someone else was trying to talk to me while you were gone, and I wasn’t really feeling it, and you were taking forever..” She crosses her arms over her chest, angling her face away from you. Is she trying to hide the fact that she’s blushing? Holy shit she’s so cute. You find yourself embarrassed to admit that you’re completely enthralled with this pink alien. In a bathroom.

    Story of your life really.

“So.. you came in here because you missed me?” You say, grinning, and wink at her.

“No! Not at all.” She denies a little too quickly. You suddenly want to make a hobby out of teasing her. “A-anyway, let’s just go back out if you’re finished in here?” You take a moment to look around at the bathroom. It’s destroyed. They will have to re-tile that entire wall.

“Yeah, I’m done here anyway.” You say as you move past Spinel towards the door. You grab the brass handle and pull open the door, holding it for Spinel to come out of the bathroom as well. 

    Outside, the entirety of the bar is still pretty lively. A few people have left as it’s nearing 11, but there’s a good 40-50 people still around. You see a rowdy group of young women laughing and swatting each other playfully while they watch a handsome blond man play a ballad. There’s quite a few spaces open up now at the counter. You don’t see Bismuth there, though. You look around and spot her at the entrance, talking to Lapis and the bouncer. Probably making sure that guy never comes in again, you think. You make your way back over to your previous spot, and Spinel follows you. Once the both of you sit down, you pull out your phone, and open up the right application.

“I hope your beer is still cold.” Spinel says to you as you swipe past a couple messages, getting to the bottom of the group chat.

“It better still be.” You take a swig, and make a face. It’s.. drinkable, you guess. “Also, it’s cider, not beer. I can’t for the life of me stand the taste of beer, it always tastes like shit. Don’t even get me started on IPAs.” You reply to your friends without reading half of the stupid shit they must’ve said while you weren’t paying them any attention.

    Y/N: I was attacked in the bathroom. Wild day, I know.

    Alex: it fucking serves him right to be honest

    Alex: lil bastard had it coming

    Alex: so now my brother cant look at sonic the same ever again

    Alex: w

    Alex: awrfawefaffasdfa

    Alex: WHAT

    Harper: What!? Are you okay????

    Alex: the fucking alien!!!!!!!! i knew it!!!!!

    Alex: she fucking attacked u in the bathroom when u were alone!!

    Alex: she saw her window of opportunity

    Alex: and POUNCED

    Alex: im sorry that ur dead now

    Y/N: I’m fine. The “alien” was actually the one that saved me.

    Y/N: And her name’s Spinel, you shitlord. Have some class.

    Alex: no

    Alex: and make me

    Harper: can’t tell him to have what he’ll never grasp. ;)

    Harper: i’m glad you’re okay though. <3

    Harper: what exactly happened?

    Alex: fuck you

    Harper: no thanks. i know im bi, but even i have standards.

    Y/N: There was this guy that harassed me over drinks earlier, right?

    Y/N: Spinel actually told him off after he wouldn’t leave me alone the first time.

    Y/N: And then, when I went to the bathroom, he came IN.

    Y/N: He literally fucking grabbed my arm ya’ll I was mad af. The audacity.

    Y/N: So then Spinel comes in and punches him against the wall??

    Y/N: Like she killed the wall. Guy was fine. They kicked him out.

    Alex: damn

    Harper: i’m glad she was there to save your ass since i couldn’t be.

    Harper: and what did we learn today Y/N???

    Harper: you go out with US and not ALONE.

    Y/N: Bitch you left me to be across the country for summer. I have new friends now.

    Alex: oh so im chopped liver now huh

    Alex: one sexy murderous alien saves u and now ur too good for us

    Alex: im telling ur fuckin dad

    Y/N: NO.

    Y/N: YOU WOULDN’T.

    Alex: tee hee

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve only ever had whisky.” She replies, taking a drink. You set your phone down for a second.

“I’d offer for you to try mine, but this isn’t in ideal shape.” She raises one of her eyebrows. “It’s a bit warm.” You look at the bottle with slight disdain. “And this isn’t even a great one, regardless. There’s a few better tasting, actually.. you should try those sometime.” “With you?” She says with a questioning look on her face.

“I, um.” You look at her. “I was going to give you a list of suggestions, but if you wanted to drink with me again, we could do that too.” You say as you wiggle your eyebrows at her. She flushes red immediately.

“I wasn’t trying to impose, I just thought-”

“I’m just teasing. But.. if you do want a friend to drink with, I’m all yours.” You say, leaning on your left hand that's on the counter. “It’s not like I’m busy aside from work, anyway.” She’s staring at you with an expression you’re unfamiliar with, which is either longing, or concern. 

“I might take you up on that offer. I don’t have any human friends aside from Steven, and he’s only half.”

“And upon your general pool of human specimens, I’m your best choice?” You say and laugh. She gives you an exhausted look, which makes you laugh even more. “You got a phone?” You ask her, and take another sip. She reaches behind herself and pulls her phone out of her back pocket. 

“Steven gave me his old one a few weeks ago, I just don’t use it much.” You nod and take the phone from her hand. She doesn’t notice that you make sure your hand touches hers on purpose. You tap her phone open, and go to her contacts. And maybe, just MAYBE, you add a heart next to your name cheekily when you add it to her contacts. You text yourself a quick :).

“I added myself to your contacts. You should text me sometime. I also have your number now, too.” You hand her phone back to her. You grab your phone off the counter and the words “her smexy alien” are displayed on the lockscreen. You swiftly turn the screen back off, and down the rest of your nasty ass drink. Fucking christ, why are your friends like this.

“Hey. Spinel.” You turn to the voice in front of you. It’s Lapis. Her full attention was on the gem next to you.

“Yes?” Spinel says. She also downs the rest of her drink.

“You gonna pay for that wall, or what?” Lapis asks, leaning on the counter. She seems tired.

“I did do the damage, so I will, but I seriously think you should try to make that guy pay for this.” Spinel sighs. Lapis considers her for a second.

“We’ll see.” She says, and shrugs. She looks at you. “You want another one of those?” “Yes please.” You say. This will be your last, you think. It’s late. She opens the bottle for you, and swaps it with the empty one in front of you. 

“Yes, I will also take another one.” Spinel says to Lapis.

“I wasn’t going to ask you,” Lapis replies, and Spinel gives her a comically grave expression. “But since you insist, I guess I just might.” She smiles a little. She grabs a new glass, sets it on the counter, and plunks an ice cube into it. Then she grabs a brown bottle behind her, and pours Spinel another drink. She winks at Spinel as she grabs for the used glass. She walks away to a further sink, and starts helping a couple of other patrons who look like they’re about to head out.

“Sometimes, I don’t get her, but for the most part I like her. We both have problems.” Spinel says while watching Lapis from across the bar. She takes a long drink. You think fuck it, and do the same. 

“She reminds me of my cat, if I’m going to be honest.” You say, “Kind of moody, but still wants you to know that it’s there, and it exists.” 

“What’s a cat?” Spinel asks innocently. Your jaw drops.

"You don’t know what a cat is!?” You say, almost offended. You unlock your phone and go to your gallery, searching for your cat pics. You find one of the more recent ones of Jellybean, enlarge it, and show it to the gem. “This is Jellybean. She’s fluffy, stupid, and almost set herself on fire last week, true story.” Spinel eyes your phone screen.

“Oh, those things! I’ve seen them a few times, but they never let me near them.” She says, maybe a bit mournfully. “They look soft.” 

“They are.” You grin. “I should let you meet her sometime. She loves people. She’ll drool on your shoes though, so be careful. She’s a total weirdo.” Spinel looks at you like she’d actually love that. You feel like maybe you underestimated how alcohol would hit you tonight, because you feel it coming to you very quickly.

“I’d love to meet her. I don’t get out much, honestly. I’m still trying to find a balance in my daily life. Steven’s worried that I’ll.. I don’t know.” She shrugs, swirling the drink in her glass. Bismuth walks over to the two of you, grabbing several used glasses on the way and dropping them into a nearby sink.

“Y/N, I’m sorry about what happened to you earlier. Stuff like that never really happens here.” She says to you while making herself busy wiping down the counter. “And Spinel, seriously. Thanks for stepping in.” Spinel gives a noncommittal grunt in reply.

“Bis, if I were even as half as beefy as you are, that wouldn’t have been a problem. I’d dare him, actually.” You say, and finish your drink. You regret it a little, but Papa didn’t raise no quitter and you’ll learn your life lessons eventually. In the meantime, you just feel pleasantly drunk.

“Aw, shucks, Y/N. You’re so kind.” She chuckles and flexes a little. “I have enough muscle for the both of us.” She wipes down Spinel’s side of the counter, and takes the cash handed to her by the couple next to the two of you as they get up to leave.

“Ughhhhh.” Spinel says, slouching on her stool. “I need to walk home soon.. ‘gotta long day tomorrow.”

“You live close?” You ask her.

“Kind of. It’s on the opposite side of little homeworld, and a nearly 30 minute walk.”

“Are you sure you’re sober enough to make it all the way home by yourself?” You grin, teasing her. “You’re not gonna get like, 10 minutes into the walk home and pass out in a bush somewhere?” “No, I’m fine. I should be good enough for the walk.” She says while giving you a half-baked glare, and attempts to get up from her stool, albeit very wobbly. She stumbles a bit.

“Well, I was going to head out soon too.” You say, nodding at Bismuth that you’re ready to pay your tab. She makes her way over to you once she hands back the couple’s change to them.

“You guys good?” She asks. You nod in response.

“Yeah, gonna call it a night though,” you grab your card out of your wallet, and feel a little generous. Maybe a bit ballsy, too. You hand it over to Bismuth, who takes it. “For both tabs, please.” Spinel looks absolutely admonished and is about to argue, so you cut her off. “It’s thanks for earlier. Don’t argue with me.” She shuts her mouth promptly, and Bismuth laughs.

“I like that you two get along well. Warms my heart.” She says, looking at the two of you while working the register. She hands you back your card and the receipt slip.

“Oh, shut up.” Spinel glares. Bismuth just laughs at her and walks away. You put your things back into your bag, and regard Spinel. “Well, I’m off. You should message me soon, and we could hang out.” You say, and turn to move when Spinel takes a single step forward, and slips onto the floor with a loud crash. You look at her, and cannot help laughing.

“OW.” She exasperatedly sighs. You lean down and give her your hand, which she stares at for a second longer than necessary, and then grabs to pull herself up with. 

“Drunker than you thought, huh.” You say, giving her a smug look. You’re drunk yourself, but at least you know what you’re all about.

“Maybe,” She says, dusting off her pants and straightening herself back out. “Maybe I shouldn’t have ordered that last drink.” You still feel ballsy, and maybe a little courageous when you have a particular thought that you verbalize before actually considering in your mind. “Wanna come home with me?” You blurt out. She stares at you blankly for a second, and then her entire face flushes. “Not like that,” You quickly backpedal. “My place is about 10 from here. You can crash on my couch? And meet my cat.”

“I’d love to meet your cat.” She’s smiling, and she looks eager. Or drunk.

“Alright, let’s go then.” You say before you can think any better of it. If your father or friends knew.. Oh my god, your father and friends CAN’T know. Your friends would laugh forever, and what would your dad think!? ‘Chill dad, it’s no biggie, just gonna show this ex-bloodthirsty gem our cat. except she’s cute and cool and nice now’ You give silent thanks to whatever gods are out there that your dad didn’t come home tonight.

    You both meander your way outside of the bar, where the air is still thick with heat and humidity. A slight breeze rolls by, but it isn’t enough to cool your skin where you have already started to feel yourself sweating. You like summer, but hate nights like this. You’re both walking side by side, passing by houses and businesses alike, when she stumbles on a sidewalk crack and nearly topples you over. You catch her by both arms to steady her, impressing even yourself.

“Thanks,” She says and pushes some of her fringe out of her eyes to look at you. “You know.. you’ve been really nice this entire night. Humans haven’t been particularly cruel to me, all things considered.. but I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.” You keep walking with her.

“Well, you didn’t murder me like my friends thought you would, so tonight’s not a total bust.” At that, she laughs very loudly and openly. It’s a nice sound.

    Maybe it’s the warm night, or the alcohol in the both of your systems, but the flush on her cheeks makes your heart feel as bright as the gem on her chest, sparkling in the streetlights.

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

Fallen Angels

A mutual and I were discussing the Angels in Hazbin Hotel, and they said that the angels reminded them of Alastor.

And yeah, I can see some similarities. But they seemed to be implying he could be a fallen angel, and I was hesitant. He was a serial killer in life, he couldn't possibly have gotten into heaven. But well..we don't have a canon description of what exactly can get you to heaven in universe. And in real life..well some people believe that you can get to heaven no longer what so long as you repent before you die. And A pastor did "manifest out of nowhere" one day and has unusal powers for a mortal soul. So the possibility of him being a fallen angel isn't so out there..is it?

One thing was still holding me back, though.

Vaggiem because before this conversation id been playing with the idea that she may be a fallen angel. Look at the x eye. It's just like the angels. And she's so far above everyone else morally..some speculate that she's the first demon Charlie redeemed, except she wasn't brought up as proof when Katie Killjoy said there was 'no proof' a demon could be redeemed, and Charlie seens like she's never actually redeemed someone before. If Vaggie used to be an Angel though..well that society could still have influence on her. It could be why she's so much better than the other's, even if she does still have flaws.

The only thing is that I was sure Vivziepop wouldn't randomly make two main characters fallen angels. Until I considered the way these two interact. The moment Alastor entered she threw insults at him tailored for him (calling him a cheesy talkshow shitlord). She glared him down the whole time she said "I know your game". I always brushed it off as her knowing of him from other demons. But Alastor didn't interact with her like he did with anyone else. He gave her that smile when she threatened him like he wasn't even trying to hide his bad intentions from her. He immediately brushes her off when talking about work, as if he knows her. When she tries t talk to Charlie during his song, Alastor drags her away as if he doesn't want them to talk. And he seems to antagonize Vaggie. Shoving her down when his song started, slapping her ass just to make her angry.

These two interact like they know and hate each other.

Now I'm not sure how well. But if they're both fallen angels there's a lot more reasons they could act like this than if they aren't.

1.) They could know each other from when they were angels. Weather they knew one another well or just in passing doesn't matter. It'd give Vaggie a chance to know Alastor as she claims to "know his game" and it'd give Alastor reason to see her as a threat.

2.) They could be able to sense each other as fallen angels. Know when other angels/fallen angels are near, yknow? I don't think hell would be too welcoming to former angels and I think these two would want to keep this a secret. That would give them a good enough reason to see the other as a threat who could get them into a lot of trouble.

Probably wrong but it's an interesting theory nonetheless.

[snarkybluechristian]

Hazbin Hotel: Yandere Alastor x Vaggie Chapter 16

Version:1.0 StartHTML:000000203 EndHTML:002778973 StartFragment:002760405 EndFragment:002778941 StartSelection:002760405 EndSelection:002778937 SourceURL:https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/docs.php

Back upstairs, Rosie took Vaggie back to her room and shoved her into her bathroom.

Vaggie screamed in protest and tried to break down the door, but Rosie mockingly assured her that nothing would be done unless she obediently prepared herself for the day.  

Realizing she had no choice, Vaggie relented.  She took a shower, brushed her teeth, and took care of all her other business until Rosie let her out to finish the rest.  

Rosie dressed Vaggie in a white lace Edwardian lawn party dress with a collar going up to her neck and sheer sleeves going down her arms complete with period shoes and stockings.  

Then, Rosie sat Vaggie down in front of the room’s new vanity, brushed her hair out, and styled it into a fashionable bun with her pink ribbon running through it.  

Rosie finished the look with an off-white eyepatch she tied over Vaggie’s missing eye.

“There, we go,” Rosie said stepping back and admiring her work.  “Don’t you look beautiful?”

Vaggie looked at the vanity mirror, stood up, and said, “I look like my great-great-Abuelita.”

“Oh, don’t be absurd,” Rosie said.  “You look much more beautiful than she ever did.  Now, come on.  Give us a turn.”

Vaggie crossed her arms in annoyance, scowled, span around once very quickly, and quipped, “Happy?  Can I take this crap off now?”

“Marvelous!” Rosie said clapping her hands merrily.  “You look absolutely gorgeous!  Just wait until Alastor sees you!”

“What?!” Vaggie snarled angrily.  “I’m not a fucking doll!  If you think I’m going to let that shitlord even look at me after what he has done to Angel…”

“Oh, my goodness!” Alastor called out in the doorway interrupting Vaggie mid-rant.  “Vaggie, just look at you!  You look like a real showgirl!”

“Thanks, I hate it,” Vaggie retorted as she stomped over to where the Radio Demon was standing.  “Where’s Angel?”

“Oh, nonsense,” Alastor said completely ignoring Vaggie’s question.  “You’re going to love it when my colleagues see you by my side.”

“Yeah, I’m just oozing with anticipation,” Vaggie said sarcastically.  “I can’t wait to take this thing off.  Where is Angel?!”

“Oh, but it looks so lovely on you,” Alastor said ignoring Vaggie’s question again as he showed Vaggie a voodoo doll of her from his pocket.  “And on the little you as well.”

Vaggie stood back in shock.  The doll was dressed and had its hair styled exactly as she did.  It was uncanny.

“God, you’re such a creep,” Vaggie said in disgust.  

“Ah, ah, ah,” Alastor said twisting the doll’s arm behind her back causing Vaggie’s arm to painfully do the same.  “Manners, my dear.”

“Let me go!” Vaggie yelled.  “Please!”

Alastor released the doll’s arm allowing Vaggie’s arm to be freed.

Vaggie rubbed her sore shoulder and muttered under her breath, “Goddamn asshole.”

Alastor chuckled out loud and said, “Now, now, don’t make me bring Angel Dust into this.”

Vaggie’s eyes widened and then narrowed as she asked, “What the fuck have you done with Angel?!”

“I gave that disgusting, perverted nuisance what he deserved,” Alastor said with his annoying, self-satisfied grin.  “Perhaps now he’ll learn not to touch what isn’t his.”

“Where is he?!” Vaggie asked.

Alastor opened the door and stepped into the hallway holding the door open for Vaggie just as everyone heard a loud, painful groan.

Vaggie ran out of her room and into the room next door where Angel was being held and beheld a gruesome sight.

Angel was lying in the room next door on a surgical table absolutely mangled in injuries with only his brown shorts on, all other clothing having been removed except his choker.  Five out of six arms were broken.  One of his legs was kicked in.  And those were only the injuries Vaggie could see.  Angel was breathing shakily but still conscious.  

Angel turned his head over and saw Vaggie standing in the doorway trembling like a leaf.

“Hey there, doll,” Angel said with a smile clearly trying to conceal his pain.

Vaggie walked to the table to get a better look at him.  

Angel’s split lip and broken arms were caked in dried blood, congealed and cracked.  The now browning blood had drizzled down the lacerations on his bare chest and back much like rain down a windowpane.

“Oh, my God,” Vaggie whispered fearfully trying not to shed any tears.

“That was a hell of a time, babe,” Angel said with a smirk.  “You should’ve been there.”

Vaggie put her hand on Angel’s first right hand, the hand of the only arm that wasn’t broken, and said, “Angel, I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be, hon,” Angel replied giving Vaggie’s hand a squeeze.  “That was so much fun.”

Vaggie scoffed and said, “You dumb motherfucker…Alastor, you have to heal him.  You can’t leave Angel like this!”

Vaggie turned around to see Alastor and Rosie standing in the doorway behind her.

Alastor chuckled, walked over to her, and said, “Oh, Vaggie.  I only intended to teach him a lesson.  Of course, I’m going to help him heal.  Angel’s our main auction item after all.  He’ll be better by Friday.  You’ll see.”

“Oh, can I help you nurse Angel back to health please, Alastor?�� Rosie asked merrily.  “I’d love to help!”

“But of course, Rosie, my dear,” Alastor replied.  

“What shall we do first?” Rosie asked.

“You need to take Vaggie to breakfast and give her etiquette lessons,” Alastor said.  “I’ll see to the spider for now.”

“Oh, fuck no!” Vaggie yelled.

“Vaggie, it’ll be fine,” Angel said desperately trying to calm Vaggie down.  

“Come along now, Vaggie,” Rosie said without skipping a beat.  “We must go to breakfast.”

“Like Hell!” Vaggie snarled.  “I am not leaving Angel alone with Alastor!”

Alastor held up Vaggie’s voodoo doll again and started moving her legs causing Vaggie’s to do the same toward the door as he said, “Yes, you are.”

“NO!” Vaggie screamed helplessly as she and Rosie headed out the door before Alastor shut it behind them.  “ANGEL!”

“Don’t worry, Vaggie!” Angel yelled after her reassuringly.  “I’ll be fine!”

Alastor stared at the door quietly until he heard Rosie and Vaggie head downstairs.  Only then did he turn to his crippled victim on the table.  The pair stared at each other for a second before Angel broke the silence.

“What are you doing to Vaggie?” Angel asked.

“Shouldn’t you be worrying about yourself?” Alastor said taking his coat off and dropping it on the floor as he walked over to the bathroom.

Angel Dust’s eyes narrowed as he turned his head towards Alastor and said, “I don’t give a flying fuck about what ya do to me.  What are ya going to do to Vaggie, you stuck-up, fucking son-of-a-bitch?!”

“I’m going to make her my wife,” Alastor said turning on the sink and beginning to scrub the dried blood off his arms.  

Angel scoffed and said, “The day that happens is when Satan gives up his damn crown.”

“We’ll see about that,” Alastor replied.  “You of all people should know how determined a lover is.”

Angel snorted and retorted, “Like someone like you would know what real love is.”

Alastor sighed and said, “I have never felt so alive.”

“Vaggie sure as hell doesn’t.”

“Oh, don’t be silly.  Vaggie’s just shy and overwhelmed by the news right now.”

“Vaggie shy?  That’s rich.”

Alastor didn’t respond but dried his hands on a hand towel and walked over to his patient.

“What are you gonna do with your hands?” Angel asked flirtatiously.

Alastor summoned a needle and thread out of nowhere and said, “Fix you up, of course.”

“Didn’t know you were a doctor, handsome,” Angel said.

Alastor silently summoned a voodoo doll of Angel and quickly sewed the mouth of the doll shut.  To Angel’s horror, his lips were sealed shut along with it.

“There,” Alastor said putting his doll back into his pocket.  “Silence at last.”

Angel’s grew wide in panic and he gave out an involuntary whimper upon realizing what Alastor had done.

“Don’t worry, Angel,” Alastor said with a wicked smile as he walked over to Angel’s first broken arm on his left side.  “I’ll unsew your mouth when we’re finished.  You know how I relish the sound of screams.”

In his panic, Angel tried using his one good hand to pull open his mouth tugging in vain to pry it open against the magic.

Alastor grabbed his hand, gave a sigh of disapproval, and said, “Bad boy, Angel.  You don’t want to get yourself hurt again.  Do you?”

“Mmmmmpppppphhhhhh!” Angel groaned pulling as hard as could to twist his hand out of Alastor’s titanium grip.

“Angel, you need to lay still or I’m going to need to use restraints,” Alastor chided calmly.

“Fmmpp  mmmm (Fuck you) !” Angel groaned.

Alastor sighed again before he snapped his fingers and instantly caused all Angel’s arms to be strapped down to the table with leather straps by the wrists.

Angel moaned in pain at the sudden movement in his broken bones.

“Now then,” Alastor said merrily.  “Let’s start setting those broken bones back into place!”

Angel whimpered fearfully as Alastor put his hands on the first broken arm.

“Don’t be afraid to scream, Angel!” Alastor chattered happily.  “It’s all music to my ears!”

Then without another word, Alastor snapped the broken bone back into place with an audible crack as Angel gave out a muffled scream.

Alastor happily hummed a show tune as he got out some medical stabilizers to hold the reset bone in place and wrapped bandages around them to secure them to Angel’s arm.

Angel started thrashing as much as he could underneath the restraints.  Unfortunately for him, the restraints held firm as Alastor finished his work and made his way to the next broken arm.

[ahotpeaceofshit]

DARK THINGS (Chapter 1 Draft 1)

(also super unedited)

“Awwwww!!! Fucking shit, did we actually have to do that??” I fell back on my chair and let out a hasty sigh. “For real?”

“Yeah…. It's called homework.” Peter frowned before a smile crossed his face. “Well on the bright side, you'd make a decent stripper.”

“He doesn't really have the body for it though.” Steff eyed me from the other side of the desk sceptically. “Not enough ass.”

“Nah.. he hath not the skill to be a stripper, nor the charm.” Ellie, the girl who sat next to Steff, pondered for a moment. “A prostitute perhaps?”

“He's not pretty enough for that either.” My friend flicked their long hair back only to lean over the table and ruffled mine up with the sweetest smile. “But if we sell his organs on the black market, we're sure to make a fortune!”

“HEY!!! Fuck all of you!” I pulled away, playing a grumpy face while fixing up my now messy hair. “For the record, why do you always mess up my hair? It takes Peter forever to get it look this damn good.”

“That's very true, it takes a lot of effort to make Noel look presentable to society.” My friends snickered at Peter's words. “A shit load of effort.”

“AND, as I was saying,” I gave my best-friend a playful push for his word. “I would make an amazing stripper, sex worker or organ donor on the black market but that's not the point here!”

“Huh, sex worker?” Ellie mumbled under her breath. “More new words to learn.. great!”

She rolled her eyes and yawned as gray light broke through the window, softly landing on all of us. The classroom was illuminated with only the silver glow as the day slowly began, classmates stumbling in, the rings under their eyes darker then the world around them.

“So can I copy your homework, my dear mooooooooonlight?” I bated my eyes at him. “Pretty please…?”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa….. how about, no! You need to learn your lesson.” He laughingly barked. “Come do it yourself, it's not that hard.”

“As if?” I groaned, tossing myself on the table like an angry toddler. “Why have you betrayed me like this?? I thought you loved me!!”

“You can copy mine.” Ellie said, her odd accent spilling all over her words as she pulled out her math supplies, her blond hair seemed to glow in the absence of light. “I'm not positive it is correct though..”

“Don't encourage him!” Peter exclaimed. “This way he'll never pass the class.”

“I was only fishing for Peter's sympathy but I guess my powers are too strong!!” I carefully took her notebook. “I could become the best super villain the world has ever seen!! Nahahaha!!!”

“No, it really isn't.” She shook her head at me kindly. “But dream big, kiddo.”

“Ellie, you sparkle fucking joy and I would willingly carry your children!” I gave her a big smile and began copying. Normally being called kiddo from a girl I had a slight crush on would have been frustrating but this early in the morning I didn't really mind.

“Noel...” Peter spoke my name with such care, I had to look at him. “You're a full blown idiot and you are aware that is anatomically incorrect right?”

“Who are you to control his body?!” Steff laughed while they pulled out their math notebook and slammed it on the desk next to mine. “Make space Noel, I don't have the homework either!”

Ellie gave them a gentle smile before pulling out her Nokia phone, a device that looked older then I was. She poked around on it while Peter arranged his books to look perfectly synchronized and they and I scribbled away. A tired humming began to fill the room as more classmates came in.

“By the way, where is your sister? Or Bryan for that matter?” I asked, barely glancing up from my work.

“You know Maria, she will stay in bed until the last moment even if God himself tried to wake her up.” Peter let out a small laugh. “And Bryan.. who knows?”

“He's probably dressed too masculine again.” Steff snickered. “His mom is probably making him change right at we speak so that she can impress Mr. You-were-born-a-girl-so-why don't-you-dress-like-one.”

“Speaking of Mr. Hofmann, why the fuck do neither of you two ever do your math homework?” My best friend looked over at us writing away. “Seriously, he's like the only teacher who always checks if we did it or not.”

I looked up into his deep brown eyes. They were the same as that of his twin sister and of his mother but I liked his the most. A soft brown that matched with his dark hair and skin… and his beautiful kissable lips. Not in a “I'm secretly in love with my best friend” kinda way, more in a “I would make out with my best friend at any given moment, in a platonic way of course.” There is a difference trust me, a huge one!

“Because Mr. Hofmann.” Steff groaned. “I live to spite him. My hate for him gets me out my goblin hole every morning.”

“True words that inspired people across the nation.” I nodded before turning my attention back to Peter, as if it ever truly left his gorgeous face. “Hey do you have number 5? 'Cause our dear Ellie just put a bunch of question marks there.”

“The spoken and written word has changed too much since my birth, keeping up bringeth with it many hardships.” She didn't even look up from her device. “And such calculations were seen as witchcraft, as they should.”

“Yeah…. So Ellie is being cryptic again.” I leaned my head on his shoulder and snuggled closer. “Please moonlight, do us this favor..”

“FINE!!” He sighed, passing me his notebook. “Why do I always give in so easily to you?”

“Because you love me!” I gave him a smooch on his cheek before focusing my concentration on the math problem. “I love you too...”

“Where would you get the idea that I… wait, did I just hear that correctly?” His tanned cheeks gave off a slight reddish tone, making it clear that he was blushing. “You like..love me?”

“Yeah.” I threw him a slight smile. “As a friend.”

“OOOOOOOh friendzoned!” Steff looked up from their writing to laugh. “But like seriously Noel, don't even try and deny you're totally in love with Peter.”

“I'm straight, so unless Peter is actually a trans girl,” I continued copying out the calculations. “We're just friends.”

“Can you just admit your bisexuality before before wrinkles cover your fleshy skin and the long fingers of death cuts the thread of your mortality?” Steff groaned. “Please!”

“Aye.” Ellie agreed, still not looking up from her phone. “We're begging ya.”

“Oh man… look I know you guys are the ultimate shitlords and our future rulers and all that but for fucks sake, can you talk like modern humans?” I scribbled in panic, jumping over stupid calculations to get the homework finished before the bell rang. “Now if you don't mind, I would like to finish this.”

“Finish what?” A voice stated as footsteps wandered through the door, Maria's soft giggle by his side.

“Awww Bryan, you sweet pumpkin!” I looked up from my writing for just a second to face my friend. “Get your ass over here and your notebooks out, we've got math homework to do!”

“oooh.. uhm you see..” Bryan stalled as he pulled up a chair towards where we sat. “well I.. uhm.. I.”

“We just did the stupid homework.” Maria plopped herself down on Ellie's lap and gave both her and Steff a kiss on the cheek. Ellie simply shifted her phone and let her girlfriend sit down comfortably. “Plus Bryan managed to get me out of bed so we're here a bit early.”

“BRYAN, You Motherfucker!! What happened to us dying together?” I frowned. “You truly disappoint me!”

“Yo dude!” Peter leaned over to the wide eyed teen. “How did you get Maria up? What kind of magic do you possess? Can you teach me??”

“She wrote me yesterday that she wanted to copy the homework so I did it quickly and..” He nervously looked back at Peter. “an..and so I came by this morning to pick her up. And she was already awake..”

“Stop using your fear to hid thy wizardry! Damn Skippy, I see through you.” Ellie ruffled up his hair without her blue eyes leaving the device she held in her hand. “Thy anxiety is so tough that I could spear it down with my bow and skin it to make a lovely rabbit soup.”

“What?” We all stared at her.

“She means you're so super nervous, like a rabbit.” Maria pipped up. “And that you shouldn't be scared, we're not gonna hurt you.”

“I WILL BE SCARED AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME… not scared? Stop being scared? If anything you're making me more scared!” Bryan pounded his fist on the table before his words drowned into a whisper. “And I have anxiety so yes, I will be terrified. Thank you very much.”

“I said no such thing.” Ellie looked up with a concern and yet gleeful look on her face. “You should be very terrified, thou areth friends with us. Ey!”

“I just shit myself, great!” He smiled and turned to Steff and I. “So what's taking you too so long?”

“What do you mean?” We both asked, looking up from our writing before I continued. “We're dumb, ok? It takes us a little longer do things.”

“Oh, we know that.” Peter laughed.

“Speak for yourself.” Steff punched my arm.

“No but why are you doing the whole page?” Bryan asked. “We only had to do five and six.”

“What??!” I glared at Peter while Steff glared at their girlfriend. “Then why are we doing all of these?”

“Who truly knows?” Ellie shrugged. “You should be asking yourselves that question. Thou has been jacked! Get reketh”

“Yeah, you guys just blindly copied out our homework, with no thought of what we actually had as homework.” Peter stated, his arms crossed. “It your damn own fault.”

The bell rang behind us, a soft ding dong but I didn't notice much. Instead, I was too busy imagining how I was gonna strangle Peter. Kinky, I know but I was thinking about doing it in a nonsexual way. More of a pure rage way.

“Fuck you!” I mumbled angrily. Ok, maybe I was thinking about choking him in a slightly sexual way but not in a gay way. Because I am heterosexual who is only into females! Super straight in every way, I thought as I watched his lips move as he countered my words and imagined kissing them.

“Fuck me yourself, coward.” He joked, pulling his notebook away from me.

“Gladly… wait no!” I whispered without thinking before shouting. “That's not what I meant.. I meant that you wish I would fuck you! Because.. I'm cute and you're cute and we'd be super cute together and.. no wait, what am I even saying?”

“Is he still pretending that he's straight?” Maria rolled her eyes when Steff nodded. “Noel, we all know you're in love with Peter.”

“Not even your mama loves Peter and she fucked him!” I shouted. “And you two are twins!!”

“Dude, that's.. that was uncalled for.” Bryan whimpered, in his hand a cubic cub that he turn endlessly without trying to solve the colorful square. “You can't accuse someone of incest, even as a defense.”

“I'm not accusing him of anything.” I spoke quietly before a smile danced across my face. “I'm just saying he's a motherfucker.”

Our group went silence as I glowed with pride at my, may I say, amazing delivery. The rest of them seemed to have a different opinion to mine, with Steff covering their face with their hands and Maria just giving me the death stare. Only Bryan, kinda muffled a slight smile. At least one of these savages understood my genius!

“Hey babe.” Peter placed his hand on my thigh. “I know you're in denial about our love so I would murder you where you sit.”

“NO!” My voice cracked as he stared at me with his deep brown eyes. “I'm fucking not! Cause.. uhm. Fuck you. Maria, make your brother bother stop bullying me!”

“Peter stop hurting the poor bean.” She smirked, her hand running through her hair. “Don't you see he's suffering enough from his undying love towards you, why would you inflict even more pain on him??”

“I hate all of you.” I shook my head at Bryan and he let out a sigh of relief. “But especially you Peter. You're stupid.”

“HEY!” Peter unleashed the full force of his math book against my head. “And I helped you after you totally forgot to your homework”

“I choose not to do it.” I said proudly. “Albert Einstein failed school and look what he did.”

“That's actually a total myth you know.” Ellie added. “He got really good grades but only Germany with our 1-6 notes so when he moved to another country with 6-1 notes they thought he had failed the grade.”

“Thanks for destroying all my hopes and dreams.”

Ellie blushed and began stuttering. “Oh no... I didn't mean it.. I'm so sorry.”

“Ellie, my precious bean, that was once again sarcasm.” Steff whispered to her and then turned on me. “And how could you not know that? Everyone knows that. Also side note, you kinda did forget your homework so don't lie to yourself.”

“I'm sorry, I don't spend my life reading up and learning random facts about famous people.” I tilted my chair a bit more. “Also how do you know that before wasn't a lie and this is me finally telling the truth.”

“No, you prefer playing video games over and over again.” Steff frown. “Doesn't shooting people get boring after some time?”

“I love you darling but no hating on video games.” Maria smirked. “Either way, wasn't Albert Einstein born with a smaller brain and that made him so smart?”

“It was only a tiny bit smaller then the average brain but with the same amount of brain cells which caused his brain to work far better then ours.” Peter added to the conversation. “And talking about hopes and dreams, Albert Einstein was working a boring desk job as an adult when he worked out his theories.”

“Hmmm... brains. I hear those things are tasty.” I licked my lips. “I'm actually getting pretty hungry, who wants to volunteer as tribute to my belly? Smart people only.”

“I think it's more about the spices and the way you cook it.” Maria stroked her imaginary beard “Raw brains sounds just gross.”

“Well that's just your opinion.” Ellie seemed to have gotten over her embarrassment and rejoined the conversation. “I think raw brains are delicious.”

“Eww.” Peter barked.

“Wow, we're really just going to kink shame poor Ellie here. She likes raw brains, you like dudes.” I put my arm around Peter. “There's no difference.”

“Wait, I'm not kinky. Not in that way at least.” Ellie spoke, startled. “I just enjoy a good meal. Vore is not a thing I like, nor will it ever be.”

“So being gay and being a cannibal is the same thing?” Peter glared. “You've truly sunken far, dear friend.”

“Seriously.” Steff joined in. “That's low even for you.”

“I'm sorry!” I attempted to defend myself but they seemed to have already hardened their hearts to my woo. “I was kidding..”

“There are some stuff you just can't joke about, that was one of them.” Maria joined into the fight. “And I thought you were cool.”

“How did we get from Noel not doing his homework to cannibalism?” Bryan asked into the group. “And how do we always move over to these kinds of conversations?”

“We were talking about Albert Einstein's brain then we came to brain food and then Noel had to compare cannibalism to being lgbt+.” Peter crossed his arms. “What does the defendant have to say in his defence?”

“I-..” “Guilty!” Steff broke into the conversation, interrupting my speech, one I had already thought about before I opened my mouth. “I say we execute him on the spot.”

“I second that!” Peter was quick to second it even though Noel looked at him with innocent eyes.

“How are we going to execute him then?” Maria rubbed her hands together gleefully. “Burning to the stake sounds like fun.”

“How 'bout no.” Ellie seemed visually shaken by even the thought. “What about beheading?”

“Too painless.” Peter countered. “He deserves to suffer.”

“Guys...” I tried to change the conversation but they continued to ignore me. I glanced at Bryan who seemed to have dissociated himself entirely and was inspecting a piece of lead that lay before him. I whispered his name several times before he shot back up into reality and looked at me puzzled.

“Shhh prisoner, the judges are deciding your fate.” Steff shushed him. “Mortals who hath' committed such a horrid crime does not deserve to speak.”

“Guys maybe we should leave Noel alone.” Bryan began his defense of my case but Steff cut him off, refusing to let him speak. “Shush human, spare us the sounds that escape your pretty lips. We know where your loyalties lie.”

“Don't take it to heart.” Maria spoke softly to Bryan. “We're just joking around and foreshadowing stuff, no need to worry.”

“My word, how about we cook him alive.” Peter rubbed his hands together “You know, with boiling water and all that good stuff.”

“I say we eat him.” Ellie grinned. “Tis the best way to depose of a corpse.”

“Yeah.. how about no.” Peter growled. “But a bloodsucker like yourself probably doesn't understand what no means.”

“Why wouldn't I know what no means?” Ellie countered, her eyes seemed to flash red for split second. “No means no, simple as that.”

“That is simply untrue.” We all spun around to see our dear math teacher, Mr Hofmann standing there, his body leaning on the doorway. The other students had noticed him standing there and had gone to their respectable seats. We had not. Who knew how long he had been standing there. How much he had heard.

“Sorry.” I said as I hurried to my proper place and pulled out my school books. The others did the same, some slower then others. Bryan rushed to his seat and practically threw his stuff on the table in terror while Steff stared him dead in the eye as they very slowly moved their chair to face the front.

“No. Definition: a negative used to express dissent, denial or refusal, as in response to a question or request. Also used to emphasize or introduce a negative statement.” He seemed to float into the room and found his way to his desk, his face unchanging before a slight smile crossed over his lips. “But It's math now so everyone pull out your homework. Everyone should have it, No excuses.”