#and because of this conflict reality around you starts pretty much tearing apart at the seams

[buttercream-squad-imagines]

Tinder Gone Wrong

Pairings: Sidemen x platonic!Reader Word Count: 1.1k Warnings: Mentions of homophobia, slurs, language some might find offensive Request: hi! can i request protective!sidemen x female!reader, ANGSTY ( one of the tinder videos) where’s she’s on the boys side? she’s a close friend or sm… she gets rejected pretty brutally from some random girl who decides to use a homophobic slur and everyone gets really protective

You were around fifteen when you started questioning your sexuality. Growing up in an environment where those around you looked down on anyone who wasn't straight, it caused a lot of conflicted feelings. Where your friends were starting to get boyfriends and talking about boys, you did not see the appeal. Your friends joked that you might be a lesbian, an accusation you had forcibly laughed off at the time, but it made you question yourself.

You didn't know when it happened, but you had started falling for your best friend, Amalia. You would get a fluttery feeling in your stomach when you were around her and your heart would skip a beat when you saw her smile that was just so infectious. She was the first person you had come out to; she was the best option in your opinion. She was your best friend, surely she would accept the fact you liked girls?

When you had told her, she seemed to accept you, acted as though she was happy but a small nagging part of you always told you that she didn't. Not that you listened to it, rather just ignored it, and pushed the feeling so far down that it would never surface. But it was a feeling you shouldn't have ignored.

In a moment of misjudgement on your part, you had kissed her when you thought she was leaning in - in reality she was leaning over to grab something. It was an action that changed your life forever. She had completely blown up on you, calling you every slur you could think of and revealing that you disgusted her. With tears streaming down your face, you left her house with a broken spirit and a broken heart, shutting out everyone as soon as you reached your home.

Amalia turned out to be rather vindictive and had told your parents about the incident, who in a fit of rage threw you out as soon as you turned 18. You were absolutely devastated. You didn't know what to do, you were 18 years old with no qualifications, no job, no savings and now no home.

You had used all the money you had to get yourself to London. Your cousin, Freya had found you soaking wet on the steps of her apartment building and had brought you in. You were lucky that she had found you as you were on the verge of getting hypothermia and had no idea what apartment was her's. You had explained the situation to her, that you were now essentially homeless and that your parents had kicked you out because of your sexuality.

In that moment, you prayed that Freya would accept you as she was the only other person you had left. Looking back, you were an idiot to think that she wouldn't. Your cousin was one of the most sweet and kindhearted people you knew, not that it took much but the girl would go above and beyond for anyone who needed it, which is what she did for you. She took you in and helped you get yourself back on your feet, getting you a job with her boyfriend's group's clothing company, Sidemen Clothing. Through her you met the Sidemen, a group of boys who quickly became some of your best friends, as well as her friends Talia and Gee.

They had encouraged you to start a YouTube channel as you often helped with their own videos and had even made appearances in some. A channel that quickly gained popularity, gaining about almost 750k since you first uploaded 2 years ago. You hadn't made your sexuality known on your channel until around a year ago, but your fans were accepting, which you were relieved for.

Finally comfortable being open about your sexual orientation, you agreed to participate in the Sidemen's Tinder in Real Life videos. You were currently stood in the line waiting for your turn, repeating the line you had come up with in your head as you could be very forgetful sometimes. When it was your turn, you stepped up to the mark on the floor and smiled at the girl in front of you. She was the last person of the shoot and was, in your opinion, very pretty.

"Hi, I'm Y/N, I'm 22. I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?" The grin on your face grew wider, threatening to split a part as you watched the girl closely. A grin that soon faded away.

"Ew, what the fuck?" She spat swiping left. "Absolutely not, you d*ke!"

"Woah!" Josh was the first to exclaim from behind you, which was soon followed by shouts of protest from the others. The anger radiated like a flame from the older boy, who pushed you behind you as to shield you from the cruel words dished out. He was fiercely protective over you, as were the others, but you were someone who he had come to love as a sister. "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"What?" The girl had seemed so confused as to what was going on. It appeared as though she had no qualms with what she had just said.

"I think you'd better leave." Tobi spoke calmly.

You were lost in your own mind, memories from your past threatening to resurface, everything your best friend said to you replaying on loop. The tears were streaming silently down your face as Tobi pulled you closer into his chest in an attempt to comfort you.

"Why? We're not finished?" She scoffed.

"He told you to leave!" It was JJ's turn to voice his thoughts. "Why would we want you in a video after what you just called our friend? You're a piece of shit!"

"Urgh, excuse me?" The girl's jaw dropped.

"You heard him, get lost!" Simon spoke up next, gesturing for her to leave. The girl let out a small 'hmm', glaring at you as she stalked out of the room.

"Don't listen to her, Y/N/N. She's an awful human being." Ethan told you, resting a hand on your shoulder giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Yeah, we all love you so who cares what she thinks." Vik spoke.

"Thank you, guys. I love you too." You whispered with a small smile.

"Homophobic ass." Harry commented, causing you all to break out in laughter. You really did adore these boys and they adored you. You may have not had the best luck starting out in life, but you wouldn't change a thing, there was nowhere else you would rather have ended up.

[classpect-crew]

Hope and Rage: Narrative Engagement

I've talked quite a bit about Hope and Rage on this blog in the past, but I've stumbled upon something recently that I think puts a different spin on these two Aspects. I think it's quite fortunate we have a few different Classes to look at with regards to both Aspects, so I'll dive in with a quick summary of what I mean to get us started.

Hope and Rage are the Aspect pair that deals with emotions, belief, and one's range of options. However, they also represent something a bit more abstract: one's willingness to engage with a narrative. Now, this is something that applies if we're going with the interpretation that each Aspect also represents a concept in storytelling. (This is explained very well by both optimisticDuelist and Tex Talks on YouTube, both of whom you should absolutely check out if you haven't already.) What does this really mean, though? I argue that Hope represents getting sucked into a narrative and willingly embracing it, while Rage represents rejecting that narrative and actively mocking it. Hope is eulogy: Rage is satire.

In the comic, we see this most clearly in Jake, whose role as a Page of Hope pretty much dictates a strong relationship with his Aspect. He is theatrical and presents himself as someone who loves zany adventures and getting into scrums. When he speaks, he's like the unholy cross between an action film protagonist and a wealthy, antiquated gentleman. Later on in the story, we see counters to this narrative of who he is and what he truly enjoys. Jake seems to chew the scenery every time we see him, to the point of annoyance by others, and he seems to believe the spotlight is always focused on him. It's not necessarily out of pride, either, but rather his solitary lifestyle that gives him a sort of "protagonist complex," so to speak. All of this fits into what I've been describing: Jake is entrenched in his own narrative identity, built up from all the media he's consumed, and he embraces it as a way to escape from his current reality.

Heroes of Hope are empowered with the ability to affect their reality based on their own strong-held beliefs. It's the ultimate confidence in one's own abilities, taken to a ridiculous extreme. One of the most important themes of Homestuck is that each character is creating their own reality: Hope players do so in a very literal way. The stories they relate to and begin to live through start to impress themselves upon reality, and the players embrace it further. As long as their belief remains firm, this cycle continues.

We do see the very same theatrics and flamboyance in Eridan, who plays into his fantasies about killing the landdwellers. He engages with this aspect of Hope, just like Jake does. Yet, as the Prince of Hope, he also quite literally destroys the narrative set out for him when he begins his genocide of the angels on his planet. He later comes into conflict with the optimistic narrative of the other trolls, believing that their one way forward is to join Jack Noir. He then destroys the Matriorb in an attempt to tear apart the possibility of that story becoming reality. (Granted, he fails, because Life, uh, finds a way.) We also see the same traits in Cronus, though he has even stronger ties to Hope at the beginning of his own story. For much of his life, he fully believed in his own legacy, basically being Troll Harry Potter. Although he was convinced at some point to completely give up these beliefs, this was a big part of the narrative he wholeheartedly accepted. He now carries the perspective that he's "humankin," even dressing the part, and this new narrative has become what he engages with.

Now, Rage is a bit tougher to explain directly, since we don't have any Heroes of Rage who aren't a Destroyer Class, but we can still speculate based on what we know from the comic. Rage, broadly, is an Aspect that is drawn on when a character shows utter contempt for a narrative that's playing out. We see this extremely clearly when Caliborn is quite literally smashing around the terminal through which Hussie is speaking to him to explain his Quest, or his general frustrations at the idea that he must undertake a Hero's Journey, wishing to simply skip ahead to the point where he can fulfill his desire for power. We also see this during John's exploration of Homosuck, when Caliborn's unbelievably shitty storytelling and art skills lead John to express outright disgust and anger by the end.

When we look at a character like Gamzee, however, his relationship to this is a bit different. At the beginning of his story, he fully believes in the power of miracles and rejects other explanations for how everyday, mundane things happen, such as the fizz in sodas. He's absolutely indulging in a narrative as he allows the Rage in himself to melt away. As soon as the bubble bursts and Murderstuck begins, though, he stands once again on the razor's edge of his Aspect, but on the other side this time. He fully embraces his legacy of the mirthful messiahs being him (and also him) in a self-deifying way that seems to be toying with the protagonist complex of Hope, while also blaspheming his own religion in a way that echoes Rage. Gamzee begins to go off and do his own weird, bloody things. (Side note: the idea that Gamzee erupted into a fit of fury (Rage) when Dave showed him the ICP video where his religion (Hope) was being mocked (Rage) and seemed ready to start a one-man crusade (Hope) shows further how interlocked these opposites are in our resident Bard.)

I'll speak briefly on Kurloz, because I've got to keep things even, but dear lord, this is becoming quite long. Kurloz is obviously extremely faithful to the religion of his bloodline, even moreso than Gamzee at times, which leads to a humorous scene in one walkaround when Kurloz is attempting to show extreme reverence and speak in prose with Gamzee, who gets quickly fed up and cuts him off, all business. His dedication to Lord English is obvious, and he often seems to showcase more traits associated with Hope than Rage. Of course, this is intended in his role as a Prince, though his destruction of Hope is clearly seen in his ability to convince Cronus to give up his belief in his destiny to destroy Lord English.

To make a long story longer, Hope and Rage represent how one engages with their own story and the expectations placed on them by their role. Hope players embrace these wholeheartedly and seek to impress them onto reality, which rushes to meet them as their powers develop. Rage players reject and mock the reality that would box them in, laughing in the face of such audacity, and go off to do their own thing. It's a complete inverse from the Aspects' method of problem-solving, where Hope players tend toward open-mindedness and the ever-present Plan B, and Rage players limit their perspective to break through whatever obstacles dare to challenge them. Hope is Romanticism. Rage is Dadaism.

[yionji]

Open wide

A/N: So i got insipired by this today,so here I go.

Tags: Vibrators,smut,humillation,denigrated reader,slut shaming,hair pulling,rough,denigration,piss kink,hits,personal use,deepthroat,overstimulation,forced stimulation, personal use,someone hearing,big cock,forced wetting,urine,cum inside,dirty talk,blowjobs,human,stepping on reader clit, toilet,light mind break,semi passed out,sub reader,pubics hair,urine retention,gaggin,crying.

Pairings: Getou x f!reader

Summary: Getou is obbsesed with y/n so he start being possesive.

“Well, if you’re so terrified of someone overhearing us…” Getou said, his voice lower than previously. “We could always go somewhere more private.” You didn’t even agree with or deny his statement, still, he just started walking away, with you following like some obedient dog

You were still in your academy uniform, he was playing with you for a long time, he even put a vibrator in your pussy everything you did was under his control, he always had fun speeding you up very fast in serious situations. He lead you back to your dorm room, halting in front of the door and making you open it. Once the two of you were inside, he closed the door behind him.

With a simple flick of his wrist, Getou dialled the vibrator up to its highest setting. You barely bit back a squeal and your knees buckle. You were panting and shaking, not daring enough to look him in the eye right now. It was too much, you were so sensitive it nearly hurt. Shame thrummed in your veins with his gaze burning holes into you, yet it just served to make you more aroused, your thighs impatiently rubbing together. Despite how the stimulation was driving you crazy, it was even worse once he turned it off and you whined in protest.

“I don’t think you should be complaining right now,” He said in a voice a little too cheery for this situation as he took another step towards you. “You should feel lucky I’m even considering putting my hands on such a filthy mutt .” In any other situation those comments would’ve made you upset or annoyed, now it sent a pang of arousal between your legs.

Getou gave you a harsh shove, which sent you falling to your knees. The impact hurt, but with the pleasure still clouding your mind, it only made you let out a weak moan, now he was the one looking down at you. You felt pathetic and small, slick dripping from your abused hole. You’d been kept on edge for such a while now, the only thing you could think of was that you just wanted to come already.

“Now that’s more like it!” He turned the vibrator on its lowest setting and you shuddered. It wasn’t enough to get you anywhere close to an orgasm, nonetheless, it was way better than nothing at all. Getou pushed your legs slightly apart, shoving his foot against your clothed crotch. "Ooh the smell of your pussy is so disgusting it gets up here, it makes me want to fuck you" he exclaim with a deep voice and a smile.

You immediately began grinding against it but because of your position, it was hard to get any actual relief from it. He just snickered, clearly revelling in your pitiful display.

“God, even I couldn’t have imagined how much of a whore you actually are. You’re like bitch in heat,” The words cut at you and made you whimper pathetically as his foot applied more pressure. “But I’m getting a bit bored here, you’re the one having all the fun!” Judging by the bulge in his pants he was definitely enjoying this, yet you kept your mouth shut. Nevertheless, a small smile spread over your lips. With your flushed skin and shivering form, it looked coyer than you meant it too.

“What are you smiling at, stupid slut? Didn’t I just say it? I’m. Bored. Do something to entertain me!”

“Well, uh,” It was hard to think straight, given the state you were in. The vibrator was still buzzing away, giving you just enough pleasure to feel good but never enough to get you to cum. You couldn’t really get creative right now. “What do you want me to do?...”

Getou sneered at you, one of his hands grabbing a handful of your hair and tugging harshly on it. A moan was ripped from your throat, pain and pleasure mingling together. “Do I have to think of everything for you? You can’t even think of a way to distract me momentarily?” He huffed, digging his shoes against your clothed clit painfully. “You really are only good enough as a wet hole for me to fuck.”

Keeping his fingers tied into your hair, he uses his other hand to unzip his pants. His dick is hard and leaking from the tip when he pulls it out.  “Open wide!” He said with a deep voice, before shoving his cock into your mouth. Getou didn’t give you any time to adjust or to let yourself relax, instead making you gag by immediately thrusting. You couldn’t breathe and tears welled up in your eyes. He kept your head in place by keeping a tight grip on your hair, his fingernails digging into your skin. This wasn’t a blowjob, no, he was using your mouth as a fleshlight.

Getou was anything except quiet, moans and grunts constantly falling from his lips and the sounds coming out of your mouth were loud and sloppy, Getou was so entertained playing with your mouth that he was distracted from what was going on around him that he didn't realize that gojo was listening to everything from outside your room.

"Maybe I can use y/n later for myself" he said quietly to himself.

Getou continue,though you weren’t sure if they were all real, or he was just acting at some points. “Ahh- You must do this soooo often, rright?” He panted out, smirking down at you. “I bet you’d suck a-anyone off if they asked!”

Your teeth scrape against the underside and he actually let out a high pitched whine. If your mouth wasn’t stuffed full and you weren’t almost suffocating, you would’ve laughed.

He didn’t appear to like it as much, however, he dug his shoe against your pussy. Hard, practically digging in. Getou was still fucking your mouth, though his hips were starting to stutter, and his foot moved because of it. Now, he was putting a lot of stress on your bladder more than anywhere else. You’d been too strung up to use the bathroom for a while and with this weight, you were sure you’d piss yourself if this was kept up for too long.

But you were unable to speak while he was still fucking your mouth, so you couldn’t tell him what was wrong. Any attempt you made merely sent vibrations up his cock, making him moan appreciatively. You hollow out your cheeks and are rewarded with a sharp moan and another tug at your hair as he hits the back of your throat. Your legs shook with the effort of keeping it in.

A gush of urine escaped at a particular harsh movement and once it started, there was no way you were able to stop it. The stream made an audible hissing sound, making an embarrassed flush rise to your cheeks. Your body sent mixed signals to rush through you, both bliss and utter humiliation and you shivered in confused pleasure. The heat was trapped in your skirt for a few moments before it leaked through, turning your skirt a darker shade and allowing a small puddle to form beneath you. On one side you wanted to curl up and never open your eyes again, but the relief felt just as amazing as an orgasm could have. Tears streamed down your cheeks because of the conflicting emotions.

You didn’t, couldn’t, look him in the eye as he stilled his hips and almost pulled out completely, allowing you to breathe again and to make the blurry edges of your vision return to normal. This surely had to be the end of it, right? He couldn’t possibly be into this, he would actually get grossed out and leave. Honestly, you didn’t want that to happen, the thought of it making you nauseous.

Getou had been brought into a stunned silence, a blank expression overtaking his features. He blinked once, twice. You were about to mutter out an apology and usher him to leave so you could clean up, nonetheless, before you were able to do that, he let out a low hum and the familiar, condescending smirk returned to him. Looking up at him, his cheeks were red and his breaths were stuttery and quick.        

Could it be?...

“I’d say you almost look pretty when you’re crying,” Every thought is robbed away again as his hips make contact with your face once more and he let out a cackle. “B-but you look prettier sucking on my dick~!” It only took him a few thrusts, with your throat constricting around him further with every movement, before he finished inside you without warning, grunting loudly as he did so. You didn’t have much of a choice except swallowing.

He pulled his veiny cock out of you again.

"You know men have a certain urge to pee after they finish," you couldn't believe what you were hearing, could you?

Without a squeak he grabbed you roughly by the hair making you swallow his cock again and the tip of his head hit the back of your throat, you star gagging and crying so much more than before.

"Shh, shhh" Getou said as he pressed your head with his hips, your nose tickled his pubic hairs, he smelled so great.

Getou took a long breath and you began to feel a liquid running down your throat and into your stomach.

He let out a breath of relief and a grunt and continued to pee until he finished and looked down to see your face.

"You really look good sucking my cock, y/n" He let go of you roughly causing you to bang your head against the wall, only to hear the sound of his pants buckling.

"You're such a grear human toilet,my human toilet"

You coughed and wheezed for air once he finally fully released you, glad that air was freely available. Your head hurt and your throat felt scratchy and sore, the fabric of your plants clinging against your skin. Basically, you were a disgusting mess. Once you returned to reality.

“Good luck cleaning, whore!” He called out while glancing over his shoulder for the last time. “See you next time!” Then, he slammed your door shut. You simply continued to sit there for a few seconds, brain still struggling to comprehend that all of that had actually happened.

Well, that definitely was an experience.

<3

[blue-mood-blue]

They tell him that his name is Benzaiten Steel.

They tell him that he’s been shot.

Officially, publicly, his condition is unknown - they haven’t released any details yet, pending the investigation. As he understands it, the investigation amounts to his mother and brother pointing to each other in accusation, both of them held in separate interview rooms of the HCPD while Ben lays in his hospital bed. They were hoping he could give them answers, Ben realizes when the doctor and the officer both hover around his door uncertainly before turning to go.

But Ben doesn’t remember anything. He can’t tell them if his brother in law enforcement went corrupt or if his mentally ill mother finally slipped too far. If it was an argument, or an accident, or which of his incredibly small family is more likely to lie. He wouldn’t have been able to tell them his name if they hadn’t told him first, because Ben hardly remembers anything at all.

It’s the head injury, the nurse tells him at two in the morning while she gives him more pain medication. Not from the blast, which had caught him in the shoulder and was more than enough damage to a body on its own, according to her. He must have hit his head on something on the way down, gave himself a nasty bump and some swelling. Nothing to worry about too much, she added quickly after getting a good glance at Ben’s expression. Just... just the memories might not come back. Hard to tell with these things.

Ben chews over the possibility after she leaves, slipping in and out of sleep. He should want to know, right? He should be searching for those memories, and the way he fit between them. He should be looking for himself... looking for the truth.

There are two people in his family. One of them shot him. He can’t imagine a truth there that wouldn’t tear him in two anyway.

Ben takes a moment to pity whoever it was he used to be - must’ve had a sad life, in the middle of that mess. Couldn’t possibly have been happy, in that little apartment in Oldtown, no one to call or contact besides the people led away in handcuffs. Such a small, tiring existence... didn’t he feel stifled, trapped? He does now. He thinks about going back to that, and he can’t breathe.

Ben looks at the window instead. He can make out some stars, but only a few - it’s hard to see much around the light pollution and the dome. He doesn’t remember, but logic tells him he hasn’t lived the kind of life that’s ever taken him off of Mars; he’s never seen any of those stars, or the planets around them, or their moons - not really. He thinks he might like to, and it’s almost a surprise when the thought comes to him; it’s as if his mind has been cleared of some dome hemming him in, holding him in place, and now there’s room to want. Ben feels untethered, adrift... free. Free in a way he knows, somehow, he’s never been before.

It’s a heady feeling. For the first time since waking, Ben smiles. He could be free. He could reach up to those stars and never come back down.

Benzaiten Steel might not remember anything about himself, but he learns that he’s a good actor. When the officer comes back with more questions, Ben tells them he’s afraid for his life, more afraid because he doesn’t know who or what to fear. “Be honest,” he asks, voice shaking with something (not fear, but the officer doesn’t know that). “Do you think this could happen again? Am I really safe?”

Benzaiten Steel is declared dead, and Ben boards a ship.

~~~

He still calls himself Ben; everything else, he cuts away and leaves behind as deadweight. He’s Ben Nothing, Ben Nobody, and he runs between the stars like there’s something chasing him. He finds work where he can, and he finds that the most lucrative work is the illegal kind. He finds that he’s good at it, charming people with a smile or disarming them with a few tears, and then liberating them from whatever they have in their pocket, or safe, or bank account.

Ben is happy. Ben is competent, secure, well-liked in the circles he moves through. Ben is as free as he ever wanted to be, in this life or any other. And if he feels like something unnamed is breathing down his neck some days, well, he is a thief, isn’t he? There’s always someone after him, law enforcement on several planets at least. If he avoids Mars and anywhere too close to that little, red planet, it’s his own business. There’s not much on Mars, anyway; only the Cerberus Province and the connections he could make there, and it’s a small sacrifice to make for all of the things he gets to see.

Ben isn’t lonely. He just feels a little adrift sometimes.

And it’s years before anything catches him.

He has a jewel that toppled a dynasty with the conflict it caused hidden in his pocket, and he slips into a dark, mostly empty theater to wait out the afternoon and the authorities. He already has a spot waiting for him on a ship traveling several planets away, but it won’t take off for hours. He has plenty of time.

Ben pulls out his comms to waste some hours, ignoring the movie playing on the screen; a kids’ movie, probably with the hope that whole families would make the effort of taking a trip to the theater to spend time together. It was a bad gamble, with the only person there other than Ben asleep in a chair in the corner. Ben snorts; kind of a stupid thought, that anyone would bother when they could stream whatever old movies they wanted directly to their home.

He’s in the middle of a game when he looks up at the screen. There’s a woman fighting a dragon, and he isn’t sure what caught his attention until it happens again.

“Andromeda!” someone on the screen yells.

Ben’s head hurts.

Andromeda! a younger Benzaiten yells. He can feel the warm sun beating down on him, the familiar sounds of shouting down a street somewhere too far away to worry about. His voice, thin and reedy and so young, makes its best attempt at a growl. You will never escape me!

“You will never escape me!”

His head throbs, and he could cry with how much it hurts.

I do not intend to run - I will stay and fight, because good must always succeed! Someone with his face answers back, swinging a sword made of paper towel rolls and too much duct tape, and then breaks from the script: And I’m faster than you anyway, Benten, so I can escape whenever I want to.

For a moment, he rests on the divide between Ben and Benzaiten. If he tries, he could pull back - but he also knows he could no more let go of that voice than tear his own heart out.

Juno. A knowledge from the long-dormant pieces of him whispers an answer he doesn’t ask for, as it drags the whole of his messy, painful history with it. That’s Juno. Your twin. Your family.

Benzaiten is still crying, hurt radiating from his head and his chest, and there’s no one around to care so he doesn’t stop. He watches the stupid movie three times, then boards a ship and tries to hide the evidence with makeup and a bright smile. He’s two planets away by the time he thinks about going back, all the way back, and by the time he’s three planets away he’s decided that it would be a ridiculous idea.

It’s been years. Fuck, it’s been so many years. Does Juno live in the same place? What if he’s married now; out of the two of them, he was always the one looking for someone to hold onto him. Would he even want to see Ben?

The answer should be yes, but Ben’s not an idiot, he knows reality is more complicated. Juno buried him, and mourned for him, and maybe even started to heal - and Ben had run. Run without looking back, leaving a death certificate and open wounds behind him.

Is Sarah still alive?

The question stops him cold, staring through the window and the pieces of galaxy he’s passing. If Sarah is alive, he would have to see her, too. That’s a promise he made himself a long time ago - that he wouldn’t choose between them. He was the one who held the family together. He’d always been that.

The Benzaiten in his head, the person he isn’t sure he is yet - anymore - tells him she loves you.

Ben, here and now, tells him she shot you.

Both of those things are true. And when Ben pulls away from the window, he tells himself that’s what he’s afraid of, that someone he loved hurt him and could do it again, that he might let them in the foolish, stupid need to find out if the love was still there somewhere under all of the hurt. To know trying hard enough could mean getting better.

If there’s another fear, if he can feel the gravity of Mars pulling him back and down and heavy, he doesn’t let himself think it. And he’s gotten pretty good at deception, so he might even believe it.

~~~

Ben dances more, when he remembers dancing. Nothing feels as free as the movement, as his total control over it. Not even the stars.

How much of his running was escape, and how much was just running?

~~~

He still calls himself Ben.

He has his reasons. “Benzaiten” is too memorable, and sharing a face and a last name with a sibling seems like a really good way to get that sibling into trouble. There’s a reputation in place already with the name he used. There are days when he doesn’t feel like he fits in Benzaiten’s life. He finds plenty of reasons.

He doesn’t visit. He thinks about it, comes close - as close as a planet and one ticket fare away, once - but Ben can’t bring himself to step foot in Hyperion City. Hyperion belongs to Juno, somehow. He was the one who stayed (I do not intend to run - I will stay and fight), and going home feels like... trespassing. Ben knows Juno wouldn’t say that. It doesn’t stop him from thinking it.

Hyperion City has a newspaper, though, and a subscription service that seems a little optimistic in its range. Maybe not all that optimistic, since Ben regularly takes advantage of it - between jobs, and only on his personal comms. Most of it has nothing to do with him, but he skips and skims through the digitized pages anyway, looking for whatever hints of a life he can find. Juno is a private investigator now, which doesn’t surprise Ben. There’s an engagement announcement and no following marriage announcement, which does.

(Sarah is guilty, and dead, and he doesn’t know how he feels about that. He doesn’t linger on the thought.)

Sometimes, when he feels brave, he imagines what it could be like. So what’s this about a gala at that new art gallery? You know, the one that lasted a whole night before it got blown up?

Juno’s laughter from the other side of the comms connection, maybe a little too young. Uh huh, I heard. The HCPD put it all over the news, along with how they saved the day. Or didn’t you hear that part?

They can say whatever they want, I know a Juno Steel case when I see one. Now, Ben adjusts on the bed, miles and miles away, glancing at the window to see if he can get a peek back the way he came, tell me everything.

Maybe the next time you come to see me, Juno says, and just like that the thought disintegrates. He can never put too many words in Juno’s mouth; there are just too many things he doesn’t know.

Ben gets lucky one day and sees a whole half a picture of Juno, looking out on a crowd. He’s not the focus - he’s standing next to some politician in the middle of a speech, a Ramses O’Flaherty who makes a lot of promises that sound like the “too good to be true, but wouldn’t it be nice” kind - but Ben will take what he can get. He can’t decide if Juno has more or less scars than he would have expected, given his line of work. He wonders how they all got there. Juno is standing on the stage with the politician; he must buy some of those promises to put himself so clearly in the man’s corner.

There’s a kind of worry in his gut about it, but Ben tries to take it as a good sign. The Juno he knew had a hard time trusting people; it would be nice if he’d found someone to believe in. It would be nice if that trust is well-placed.

Ben has to leave his comms behind for a job, taking a burner along instead, so he gets the results of the election at the same time he gets the announcement of O’Flaherty’s death and the conspiracy over Newtown. It doesn’t have to mean anything - just another politician who wasn’t what he seemed to be, or didn’t manage to hang on long enough to make good on his promises. That’s all it is.

He still looks for Juno in the stories he reads. He can’t seem to find him, anymore.

~~~

For the first time since they were nineteen, Benzaiten sees Juno across the room.

For a moment, he feels like he’s seen a ghost. A ridiculous thought, from the dead twin.

Juno Steel is so far away from Hyperion City, talking to Zolotovna in a resplendent dress as if he’s lived the kind of life that makes him belong, immediately and implicitly, among the disgustingly rich. Ben, who is there for a reason, he knows he’s there for a reason but fuck if he can remember why, tries not to make it obvious that he’s staring. He’s failing at that, he knows.

But Juno is here. Juno is here in the room with him, so different than he remembers, with so many more scars. With one less eye. Ben wants to ask when that happened, wants to demand that story, just as much as he wants to fade into the crowd and run.

He feels untethered; he feels like, if he runs, he’ll never find his way back again. Just this once, Ben lets himself understand that the tug of gravity pulling him back was never a leash around his neck as much as it was a rope around his middle - giving him a way back home. Juno had always been his anchor, keeping him from drifting too far.

There’s no going back, now. There’s no going home, no home to go back to.

Juno’s glance turns in his direction, and Ben is about to duck out of the way - an amateur move, guaranteed to catch his sibling’s eye, but he thinks he can be forgiven for being a little bit off his game - when Ben realizes he’s not who Juno is looking for. A man slips by him, tall and confident and familiar in a way that tells Ben exactly why he should be familiar. Juno can’t seem to help the way his face changes when he spots the man.

So the thief grabbed at Juno’s heart and pulled him away from Hyperion. That’s why Juno is here. It’s... infuriating, because there’s no way a common con deserves Juno Steel. Because it was never a thought in Ben’s head that Juno could be convinced to leave Hyperion, and he never thought to ask. (I do not intend to run. Running was Ben’s job.)

Ben is ready to do something stupid. He��s halfway across the ballroom, walking directly towards his brother well and aware that the impact will cause an explosion of a scene, when he sees Juno tilt his head.

There’s a comms in his ear.

Ben has been a thief long enough to recognize the habits of another thief - especially a new one.

He doesn’t remember what he came to this event for, but there’s nothing, mark or prize or job, that Benzaiten wants more than to understand the stranger in the dress who almost has his face. If he breaks something with an impulsive decision, he thinks as he continues to cross the room, well - wouldn’t be the first time.

He’ll let himself be selfish. That’s what Ben does.

[thesmpisonfire]

A Fundy and Tommy meeting, and neither of them knows how to express their feelings without screaming.

Its ends well, don’t worry. I’m after my second clown certificate

Tommy was alone in his tent. Not even Dream was around this time. He kept breaking logs, building "tiki torches" and trying his best to not look at the beach. It had passed 2 days already, and no one appeared, so they certainly didn't care. Ghostbur passed around the beginning of the day, now off to find a horse (Ghostbur remembered that Tommy had a horse, once. It made him happy, so he was after another one), but Tommy couldn't care less. Ghostbur also didn't appeared at his beach party.

Only Dream. Like always.

Maybe it was meant to be like that.

His pity thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone crossing the portal, his first thought being "Tubbo!". Tommy quickly brushed it off, Tubbo didn't care enough to visit him. "Ranboo?" Was his second guess, but he didn't hear the usual greetings, so it wasn't the half enderman. Then, it was set on "...Dream", as it should be in the first place. He sighed, quickly taking off his newly made iron armor.

"Hello, Dream.... Let's get this done alrea-"

Tommy turned around, looking to a very confused face that certainly wasn't Dream. Fundy was holding something in an picnic bag, those ones that kept the cold inside, some ashes in his clothes and a lil bit of the jacket more burned.

"I really don't know if I should ask about the 'Dream' thing, or why you put a fucking plank to people get to your portal." He kinda laughed, trying to brush of the uncomfortable mood.

Tommy went silent, holding his armor close and and walking away from Fundy. "If people want to visit me, they need to fucking prove it." Tommy said, bitter as he never was before.

Fundy left the picnic bag at Tommy's tent, watching the kid put his things in a secret chest. "Well, you are only making it easier to die. I fixed it after I crossed" Fundy smiled, proud of himself.

Tommy froze, turning back to the fox. "You did what?" Conflicted feelings were fighting inside of him now. On one side, he was angry that Fundy was messing with his ideas and plans. At the order, he was so happy. If Fundy fixed it, it was because he had the intention to come back more often, and Tommy was so happy with it.

"Fixed the bridge, we don't wanna people falling down in their way here, do we?" Fundy smiled at Tommy as soon as he approached.

Tommy was tempted to smile too, but he was seeing something off. This was Fundy. The scammer. The once traitor. The sly fox.

The voice in his head wasn't even his anymore, sounding too much like a certain masked man, filling him with doubt and fear.

"What the fuck do you want?"

Fundy looked like he just got slapped in the face, not imagining this reaction, specially out of nowhere like that.

"What? What do you mean, Tommy?"

"You must be after something, aren't you?" Tommy's words were filled with anger and resentment, the monsters in his mind talking for him. "What is it? Untouched forest? Mines still unexplored?" He slowly approached Fundy, pointing at his face.

"Tommy, I'm not after any of those things!" Fundy explained himself, now more worried than ever.

Tommy let out a dry laugh, looking around now. "So, it's because you fucking pity me, don't you?" He pointed to himself now, then to the picnic bag. "You even brought up a pity present!"

Fundy was just bringing some primecicles he and Ranboo had just made, but he couldn't spoil any of it. "Tommy, I'm not pitying you." He tried to reason, pitching the bridge of his nose. Patience, Fundy... The kid is messed up. Don't make it worse.

"Yes, you are! You don't care about me! None of you care about me!" Tommy walked away, laughing. “You all doesn’t even bother to visit me anymore!”

Fundy couldn’t be more confused. He was right there, visiting. What the hell was happening to Tommy?

The coder was a smart person, even if people tend to overlook it. Fundy noticed the explosion holes poorly covered up, the dull blue eyes, the beaten up clothes. He just didn’t want to address it in order to not make the atmosphere uncomfortable, but Tommy was really pushing up. Fundy and Tommy never had any boundaries in their fights, being pretty open about their sides, and things were starting to spill, hot and hurtful.

“Tommy, I am right here and...” Fundy got interrupted by Tommy’s outburst, tears forming at the corners of the kid’s eyes.

“YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ME!” Tommy shouted, screaming loudly enough to scare a nearby bird. “NONE OF YOU EVEN MISS ME! YOU ALL LEFT ME ALONE!”

Even if Tommy was the one crying and shouting his feelings out loud, he saw the moment he messed up. Fundy’s ears flattened against his head and his tail went still. Tommy, the once brave and reckless Tommy, took a step back when he saw Fundy clenching his fist.

“Oh, you think people left you?” Fundy’s voice was low, a bittersweet smile now open.

Tommy was hurt in so many ways, indescribable ones, but Fundy wasn’t far behind.

Fundy approached Tommy, looking at the teenager in the eyes.

“Say it again.”

“...What?”

“Say it again, Tommy!” Fundy raised his voice, losing his limit. Neither of them was good with hiding their feelings. “Say again that people are leaving you!”

Tommy opened his mouth to repeat, but nothing was said. Fundy looked as hurt as him, and he was clearly not pitying the teenager, so Tommy was willing to listen

Fundy breathed in, trying to calm himself. “Tommy, you were the one who made that Christmas tree?”

“...No”

“Those discs you have right now, you got them alone?”

“No.”

“Did you built the tent alone?”

“No, but...”

“The very first day...” Fundy’s voice broke a little, but he quickly dismissed it. “You were alone here?”

“Ghostbur came with me.”

“Yes, he did.” Fundy sadly smiled, his voice a lot calmer now. “Who helped you with the beach?”

“Drea-”

“No.” Fundy cut him short, a hand on his shoulder. “That fucking bastard is the cause you are here. He basically forced your exile to happen. He was not helping, he was watching.” Tommy closed his eyes, his mind spinning.

Dream is a friend. Dream put you here. Dream has been good with you. Dream is a fucking monster. Dream cares about you. Dreams cares about nothing but the discs.

“Tommy... Who was here with you, helping with the beach?” Fundy’s voice was soft, as he hoped that he wasn’t pushing too much.

“Ghostbur, you, and Phil...” Tommy’s voice was so small, so broken.

“Yes, we were.” Fundy waited for Tommy open his eyes, which he did, tears stains in his face.

“Ranboo tries to visit you everyday, and I’m trying to do the same.” Fundy reassured Tommy, looking around. “But... Dream is always here, and we don’t want to mess anything and lose contact with you.”

Tommy blinked, pieces matching together. That was why his friends weren’t there? Because of Dream? That was why Dream was always there?

“Ranboo also told me about a beach party... That I never got the invite...”

“Dream said it was delivered by Ghostbur in your mails!” Tommy shouted again.

“We don't even have mailboxes in L’manberg, Tommy! How we could have received mail?” Fundy snapped back.

Tommy felt like everything was falling apart again, revealing a not so pleasant truth. “He... He could have slipped under the doors... or...”

“Tommy. There were no invites.” Fundy held him by his shoulders again.

They went silent, Tommy’s eyes darting around while his whole reality was shaking. “But... Tubbo hates me, right? He destroyed the compass.” He sounded lost again.

“It was my fault.” Fundy mumbled, not looking at Tommy. “He died and... I should have been faster when picking up his stuff, a creeper ended up exploding it... The compass broke. But Tubbo still have it, even if it doesn’t have the needle anymore.” Tommy felt like crying again.

But Dream said...

Dream was fucking lying.

“I know he doesn’t visit you... He is scared that you hates him.” Fundy confessed. “That’s why he came when you weren’t around.” He played with his jacket, looking at the portal’s direction. “Tubbo misses you, man.”

Tommy angrily cleaned his tears, looking at Fundy. He pushed the fox, not as strong as he was thinking. “Stop lying to me!” He shouted, trying to push Fundy again. He felt Fundy holding his arms, and he didn’t have the strength to fight back. Tommy was still crying, not knowing in who to believe.

Dream was there everyday for him, he have Tommy gear, he was the only person not pitying Tommy- Tommy had so many other friends coming over, he had received things because his friends wanted to help him- Tommy was alone- Tommy was not alone.

“I am not lying, Tommy. I wouldn’t do this.” Fundy freed Tommy’s arms.

“You are always lying...” Tommy mumbled.

“Not about this.” Fundy was serious, Tommy could hear in his voice.

“Then... Dream lied to me.”

The fox just nodded, feeling that talking would interrupt Tommy’s line of thought.

Well, he didn’t expected Tommy to silent walk away, come back with a trident while walking towards the beach, and throw it away with the most angered, betrayed, heartbreaking scream Tommy had ever made.

Fundy approached Tommy, who was sitting on the sand, face hidden in his hands. Fundy hugged him by the side, rubbing his arm a little, and Fundy couldn’t stop the memories back at the L’manberg Independence war. Those cold nights where he, Tommy and Tubbo had to spend up on the walls, watching over for enemies. The two would always end up sleeping on Fundy’s shoulders, one with his jacket and other with his tail around. Wilbur gave up on scolding them for their lack of self care in sleeping on the job after some time, and just started to do the watching himself. Easier times that would never come back .

“I will fight him back.” Tommy said, looking up and sniffling.

Fundy smiled, seeing that small spark in Tommy’s eyes. “We are already planning something at our front” The fox got up, cleaning the sand in his clothes. “I’m not telling you what because its nothing set but... We just need you to be strong for only a little bit more.”

Tommy weakly smiled, still sitting on the sand. “I can try-”

“Nope. Cut of this ‘try’ shit.” Fundy was harsh, but he knew Tommy, the boy still had that fire on him, it just needed to grow. “You, Tommy Innit, Big Man...” He saw Tommy chuckle, and kept going. “The guy who learned ‘The green bastard will die’ in 6 different languages just to piss off the enemy, and also the most brave person that I know...”

Fundy put a dirt block on the ground, stepping on it. “... Will you keep going strong?”

Tommy got up with the help of Fundy’s hand, smiling again for the first time in weeks. “I will be the strongest.”

“YEEEEAH!” Fundy pulled him over the dirt block, changing places and looking up to Tommy, smiling widely when he saw the shine back to his eyes. “Let’s kill that fucking bastard!” Tommy cheered, thinking about his secret room, about his compass, about his friends, his family, his home.

They heard the portal, someone crossing it. They looked at Niki and Ranboo, both of them with a cake on their hands. “I think I just missed something.” Niki smiled, and Tommy had to stop himself to run in her direction. “Sorry for the wait!” Ranboo said, approaching them. “But Niki lives in the woods now, its sooo far away and-”

“It doesn’t matter.” Tommy cut, and he meant it.

They all sat on the table at the beach, never talking about L’manburg once, instead just laughing and enjoying the sunset.

Tommy was going to fight.

And he wasn’t going to be the loser again.

[lunar-girl-fic]

Perfect Girl~ Wonho Oneshot

Warning: Suggestive, mention of dying?

Y/N POV

Word Count: 1591

Wonho x female reader

Disclaimer: The picture used is NOT MINE. I found it on instagram from the artist @bre.lexis. You guys should totally check out her art. It’s my favorite ambw art :).

A/N: I based this one shot based off a dream I had the other day. It felt so freaking real like I even felt the kiss and for some reason that only happens when I dream about him and I. Some scenes were added but this pretty much how my dream went. I wasn’t able to find a photo that matched how I imagined Wonho and a brown girl. In the dream he was literally the same size as he is now and he was wearing that orange shirt from is live the other day... Anyways I hope you all enjoy!

It was a rainy Friday night. You had just left your coworkers at the restaurant you guys went to to celebrate the assistant principals birthday. You called an Uber to get home. Normally you would walk but you weren't in the mood to be catching a cold. The ride home wasn't too long since you obviously lived close by.

When you arrived you thanked the driver and exited the vehicle quickly. However, no matter how fast you ran to the building you still ended up getting soaked. As if it couldn’t get any worse, the elevator in your complex wasn't working so you had to prolong your torture by taking the stairs. 

You finally reached your apartment and immediately took your shoes off and headed for your bathroom. You put your clothes on a drying rack over your toilet. You turned the water on to the hottest setting and got in. The warmth of the water was welcomed and washed away most of the stress you've been feeling with work. But stress from the absence of your boyfriend of 4 years didn't go away. It wasn't as if he was in some far away place where you couldn't see or contact him. No, the problem was he was so busy with his comeback that he did not have much time to call you much less visit you due to conflicting scheduling.

At first, you didn't have much of a problem with it since you knew how important his career was to him. But it has been two months and the separation was starting to get to you. Even though you knew you shouldn't complain being lucky enough to even have a man as sweet as him, you were only a human in need of the touch of her boyfriend.

After you got out the shower you put on some mango butter to attempt to smell good while moisturizing and let your curls fall freely. You grabbed a pair of grey sweatpants and put on the smallest sized hoodie Wonho owned. Being thankful he left this one behind since his others would've had you swimming in it.

You left your room and went to the kitchen to make a cup of calming jasmine tea (can you tell I've been watching atla alot hehehe). As the tea was boiling you gathered your students papers from your work bag and placed them on your coffee table. You turned the TV on and scrolled through the options. Finally settling on the 90s batman animated series as background noise.

You went back into the kitchen and poured the tea in your favorite mug. On the way to the living room you grabbed your phone just in case he called you. He may not have called you in the past week but who knows maybe today would be your lucky day.

Time went by smoothly. Surprisingly grading he papers wasn't too difficult since your students actually followed directions. Since it was easy to grade you decided to raise the volume of the TV and pay more attention to the plot of the episode. You were just about to finish grading the last paper when your phone started to ring. Had it not been on vibrate mode you would have never known it was ringing. When you looked at the caller ID your heart went pitter patter. It was Wonho. You obviously picked up the phone immediately with a joyful tone.

"Hey babe! How have you been? How's comeback? How does your shoulder feel? Are you eating properly"

"Well hello to you too baby, and to answer your questions good, good, good and of course!"

"Well that's good. It's been awhile and I was beginning to worry you forgot I existed."

"How can I forget about the shining light of my life."

"I mean with all those beautiful girls around you everyday it's not hard to think you might forget about an average girl like me."

"You're right."

"Wha- WONHO!"

You heard him laughing and knew that he did that just to get a reaction out of you.

"You know I would never. You're the only girl I have my eyes on."

"Hmph could've fooled me. Don't worry I already got my eyes set on another man." You said jokingly.

"Ya! I was joking."

"I know you dork."

There was a comfortable silence after you guys finished laughing.

"When do you think we'll be able to hang out?"

"Soon, I'm hoping. Everything is just so crazy that I barely have time to focus on taking care of myself. I'm honestly so sorry for not being able to call you. You must think I don't love you anymore."

"Wonho, I know I signed up for this when I first started dating you. You don't have to feel guilty for something you can't really control." You said trying to lighten the mood.

" I know it's just that I- I... I just want you to know that. (In Korean) I am the luckiest man in the world. I know you probably think I take you for granted but the truth is I could never love another girl like I love you. You said that you think I can forget about you easily an quite possibly leave you for another girl? When in reality everyday I worry you might just give up waiting for me an find another guy to replace me. You're my driving force in life. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you so much baby girl that I can't even find the right words to describe how much."

"...You know I hate you. I'm pretty sure you probably said the most beautiful words I will ever hear but I guess I will never know considering you just said it ALL IN KOREAN. Babe you know I'm not hat fluent. Now can you please tell me what you said again." You whined.

He chuckled, "I said, I am the luckiest man in the world. I know you probably think- ah forget it. You're making it so hard to surprise you."

"What? How? And what surprise are you talking about?"

"Turn around."

You quickly turned around almost giving yourself whiplash and that's when you saw your man standing there with a smile on his face and his arms opened wide.

"IT'S YOU!! YOU'RE HERE!!!" You said as you ran to him and jumped on him instantly grabbing his head to pull him in for a kiss. You almost cried tears of joys feeling his lips on yours after not being able to even touch in in 2 months.

You pulled away having the need to catch your breath. But you were still cupping his face with your hands, staring lovingly into his eyes. Eventually you went back in for another kiss but jumped at the sound of an explosion that happened in the show you were watching almost falling out of his grip. Wonho laughed at you while he gently placed you down so he wouldn't accidentally drop you.

"Heeeyyyy, why are you laughing? I could've died." You said while pouting.

"Sorry jagiya, you're just so cute I couldn't help it."

"Hmph. Nice to know you think me almost dying is cute."

"Dying? I'm pretty sure falling from that height wouldn't have killed you." He said amused.

"You don't know that. What if when I fell, I could have broken a bone and punctured an important organ and potentially bleed out."

"That sounds highly unlikely."

"Since when dud you become a medical doctor."

"Since the moment I started dating you. With the amount of times I've had to take care of you because of how clumsy you are, I'm pretty sure I can get a medical degree easily."

"YA! I'M NOT THAT CLUMSY."

"If you say sooo."

You and Wonho couldn't help but laugh at the silliness of your conversation. However while you were still laughing, Wonho stopped to stare at you. The love he felt for you overwhelmed him in this moment. He wasn't sure if it it was because he hasn't seen you in awhile or if it was something else but all knew was he just realized how perfect you are. You noticed the look and asked what was wrong.

"Why are you so perfect?"

"I mean perfect isn't the word I would use to describe myself..."

"I mean it baby, what did I do to deserve you?"

"Hmmm believe it or not all you did was be yourself. I tired of guys who were fake and trying to be something they thought I wanted. You are the only guy I met who was himself and that's all I can ask for. Plus your really good looking."

"I do look good, don’t I?"

"You're supposed to say thank you, you ungrateful little-"

"Just kidding." He said as he put his hands up defensively.

"I'm still waiting."

Instead of answering you, he grabbed your face and pulled you in for a passionate kiss, burying his fingers in your curls.

.After 2 minutes you both pulled apart to catch your breath.

"How was that for a thank you?"

"Hmmm I think you have to do that again to make it a proper thanks."

"I can think of a better way that involves a bed and less clothes." He said as he picked you up and carried a flustered you to your bedroom. And lets just say that by the end of the night you he was able to show you just how thankful he is.

[quartzwriting]

The War of The Infinity Stones

Pairing: Doctor Strange X Fem!Reader

Description: Thanos is coming and you have an Infinity Stone to protect.

Warnings: Dusty deaths

Word Count: 2.0k

A/N: Originally posted on Quotev / This one is old, written before Endgame. Links to parts 2 and 1.5 coming soon.

Part 2: Endgame story

Part 1.5: Hypothetical Endgame (original plot)

Masterlist | Fic Reading Recs | Ao3 | Quotev | Coffee

It felt like your head was about to explode.

Okay so: aliens from space trying to wipe out half the universe, spaceship shaped like a giant donut, a billionaire playboy genius in a rocket suit and a kid with spider powers who won’t stop making pop culture references.

You were still processing it all. And you thought being in world with sorcerers and multi dimensional realities was exhausting.

“How long have they been going at it for?” The teenage boy who introduced himself to you as Peter whispered to you.

“I’m not keeping track.” You whispered back, the both of your standing away at a safe distance. Stephen and Tony had been in a heated argument for god knows how long. Their clashing egos made everything worse. You and Peter tried to speak up but they both shut you out. The entire universe was at risk and these two just needed to argue right now?

“So...you’re a witch or something?” Peter said, you could tell he was trying to ease some awkwardness between you two. Anything was better than listening to your boyfriend have an argument with his ego doppelganger.

“Sorceress.” A smile grazed your face as you made a quick motion with your hands. Sparks danced between your fingers before a small butterfly materialized. It flew over to Peter and landed on his nose, making him smile.

“That’s awesome!” Peter exclaimed, you found him absolutely adorable. “How did you get your powers?”

“Well they’re not necessarily powers. Years of study and training, anyone could do it actually.”

“Well I was bit by a spider...but I don’t think it’s as cool as what you can do.”

Suddenly there was yelling and raised voices.

“Okay I’ve had enough of this.” You let out an exaggerated sighed, and Peter could tell something was coming.

With a fast motion from your hands, you created a shockwave and sent it in the direction of the two men arguing. The wave rattled the ship slightly and the two of them stopped and froze while looking at you.

“The entire universe is in trouble and you both are acting like children.”

Tony turned to Stephen. “You gonna let your girlfriend boss around an Avenger. Because that’s what I am and I don’t take orders from anyone.”

“She can if she wants to.” Stephen replied simply.

“Thank you Stephen.” You said with your nose in the air. “Now, are you two going to shut up so we can find Thanos and prevent him from destroying half the universe.”

“Seriously we should just get rid of this one.” Tony pointed to The Eye of Agamotto and the time stone.

“I’m sworn to protect this with my life.” Stephen jumped back in, his cloak was now flaring out to make him look bigger. “And I won’t hesitate to risk your life Stark to keep it safe.”

“Whoa slow down there, Cheekbones. Who saved your magical ass back there when that squid was trying to extract if from you?”

“Did you just call me Cheekbones?”

“Hey!” You shouted. “If you two keep arguing then we’re not going to get anywhere.”

The two men stopped and looked at you with raised eyebrows.

Then Tony spoke up, “Who put Hermione Granger in charge?”

“Okay you know what Stark-“

Suddenly the cloak slapped Stephen in the face. Then quickly did the same to Tony before flying off the sorcerer’s shoulders. It flew over and rested on your shoulders. It was almost like it was agreeing with you, that the two needed to shut up.

“Looks like it’s the only one that agrees with me.”

Peter put up his hand. “I agree with you, Miss (L/N).”

You pointed to him in approval. “At least someone has a brain on this ship.”

Stepping forwards and in between the two men, you looked out the large window. The planet that the ship was moving towards was getting dangerously close. Nerves were settling in and you had to suck it up.

You looked over at Stephen and spoke softly. “Stephen, we’ll protect the stone. We’re going to stop Thanos and everything will be alright.”

He scoffed and replied in the same soft tone as you had spoken in. “Why did you come, (Y/N)? You’re going to get hurt.”

“The cloak of yours brought me here, when you were beamed up.” Said cloak now went back to him and fastened itself around his shoulders. “And I’m here for a reason. I’m here to help.”

“This is so dangerous and I don’t want to lose you.”

Raising your hand to cup his cheek, you stroked it softly. “Stephen, I’ll be fine. I know how to protect myself.”

He paused for a second, staring at the determination in your eyes. Then he agreed, “I know how powerful you are. We can do this.”

“Uh guys… maybe save the mushy moments for later… we’re about to crash!”

~~~~~

Okay so more weirdness was going on. You, Stephen, Tony and Peter were attacked once you got on the planet. After a misunderstanding, you had made more allies; Peter Quill, Drax and Mantis (who had called themselves ‘Guardians of The Galaxy’) had joined your party. Pretty soon you had a little team that all hated Thanos.

Currently, you were all huddled together trying to come up with a plan since Thanos was sure to be coming for the time stone soon. After some insults thrown back and forth between Stark and Quill, an idea was starting to come together.

Your attention was diverted from the group to Stephen, who was nearby and doing his own thing. He insisted that he do something while the rest of you talked. It looked like he was meditating, he did it often so you didn’t think too much of it. But something was nagging at the back of your head that something was off.

“Hey (Y/N).”

You snapped out of your thoughts and turned your attention back to the others, who all looked at you. They must have mentioned you and you were not paying any attention.

“I’m sorry, I wasn't listening.” You admitted, embarrassed. “What?”

Quill rolled his eyes, “For someone with a pretty face I assumed you would at least have a bit of brains. Are Earth girls dumbed down more now?”

Your jaw dropped open in a scoff, “Excuse me? You want me to send you to another dimension because I can and I will.”

“Excuse me...but does your friend often do that?” Mantis cut the tension and pointed to Stephen. He was now using the time stone and was shaking violently. You knew something was wrong.

“Strange? You alright?” Tony asked.

“Stephen?” You asked in the same tone, quickly walking up to him. It was like once he heard your voice, he got pulled out of his meditative state. He stopped leavitating and his eyes shot up to yours. He was gasping for breath, chest heaving as he grabbed for your hands for support.

“Hey what was that?” Peter Parker asked, speaking for everyone else.

“I went forward in time to view alternate futures.” He was still panting as he spoke. “To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.”

“How many did you see?” Peter Quill questioned.

“Fourteen million six hundred and five.”

Tony came up behind you, “How many do we win?”

Stephen looked into your eyes, his own full of worry and anxiety. “One.” And your heart dropped.

~~~~~

You watched in horror as Thanos ripped the fake Eye of Agamotto off of Stephen’s neck and threw him onto the ground. You didn’t hesitate to run to his side and fall to your knees over him.

“You alright?” You were practically shaking and you couldn’t keep your self steady.

“Help Tony.” He croaked out.

“No I’m not leaving you.”

“Help him!”

Your head whipped around and Tony was struggling to keep up with Thanos. His Iron Man suit was now falling apart and disappearing.

Standing tall, you conjured a portal underneath Tony and transported him to a safe distance away just before he could get stabbed by his own blade. Thanos looked up at you and you put on your confidence face.

With a few strong movements with your hands, you began to send sparks flying from your fingertips. Soon the sparks were shooting out of your body like lightning. You charged yourself up and released, sending the bolts towards the titan.

Thanos absorbed your attack with his gauntlet and shot back a blast from the power stone, purple shocks flying your way. Thinking quickly you summoned a shield from the mirror dimension and they bounced right off. You turned your shield into large crystal fragments and made them protrude out from under ground. He shattered them with shots from the stones.

He raised his gauntlet and it flashed orange .The soul stone’s power was shot towards you. You didn’t have time to react and found yourself on your knees and screaming in agony. It felt like your very existence was being torn apart. It was like your astral-body was wanting to leave your physical body permanently, and it was being ripped from you. Your soul being pried out of its casing.

“STOP!”

The horrible pain instantly stopped and you collapsed. You gasped in desperate need of air and a headache formed that was splitting your brain open.

“Spare her and I’ll give you the stone.”

You coughed up blood, “No…”

“How cute.” Thanos’ voice sounded like a shattered record to you since you hated him so much. “No tricks, wizard.”

“Leave her and you’ll have it.”

You groggily looked up and saw Stephen summon the stone and hand it over to Thanos. Satisfied and finished with you, he left as Quill tried to attack him once more.

Still so weak, you crawled over to Stephen. “Why did you do that?” Your voice was broken.

“There was no other way.” He tried to support you as best he could, but still being weak himself it was difficult. “And he was destroying you...your screaming...that’s never going to leave me…”

You collapsed onto him, leaning on his side. Tears swelled in your eyes as it all settled in your mind; “This is it...isn’t it?”

He looked back at you, “I’m afraid it might be…”

You broke right there, hating that you could have done something to stop it. But you couldn’t, and that tore you apart.

“You were so powerful. I’m so proud of you.” Stephen whispered to you, his own stuttering voice soothing you a little. You could even feel the cloak wrapping an edge around you to pull you closer to Stephen. “You’ve come so far since I started teaching you. Well done.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at him, and you both leaned into each other still catching your breaths.

Your entire team was in silence, accepting their defeat and wondering what was going to happen next.

“Something is happening.”

You watched as Mantis, Drax and Quill all turned to dust and float away in the wind. Fear spread to everyone else and Peter muttered that he wasn’t feeling well.

“(Y/N)?”

Your heart sank and you turned to Stephen. Without waiting a single second, he pulled you to him and kissed you. His hands cupping your face were shaking, more than they usually did. You clung to him, grabbing the fabric of his tunic. You have never shared a kiss so desperate, so full of trust and heartbreak, so full of fear. So full of love for each other that you didn’t need to say it. You both just knew.

The feeling of his lips on yours faded, and you opened your eyes to see him blow away as ashes.

All that was left was the cloak and you clutched onto it and sobbed. It smelled like him. It moved under your tears and flew over to rest upon your shoulders. The warm feeling of the cloak wrapped around you, it reminded you of Stephen. Oh, Stephen.

Your heart shattered for your love and for the universe as you knew...

You lost.

[girlandthedarkness]

Lin Beifong x Reader

kind of a sequel to this headcanon with Lin Beifong

The advantage to be the Avatar's friend is that you not only travel different places with her, you as well make a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. So it's not a surprise that you joined the search for new airbenders after the Harmonic Convergence. You were glad to find new airbenders with Korra and her friends, you thought that Lin will be against that, but she tells you to do what you please.

- Are you not mad? You ask thoughtful

- You know I never could be mad at you, also, spirits know, this group need someone who can think. She said with a small smile.

The journey was intense, and without any success, only one airbender has joined you. Ba Sing Se was even a bigger mess, the queen holds airbenders hostage for her own army, the blood in your veins was boiling. How dare she hold these people? You thought nothing could calm you down, It was until you saw your girlfriend who notice your anger and sadness. She learns about your situation and warns Korra about Red Lotus, whose members had escaped. Later, when the airbenders were safe, she holds you in her arms while you let all the emotions through tears.

- I saw enough of Ba Sing Se, remind me never to come here. You said while Lin just let a small laugh.

You were so excited when you heard that another airbender was found in a city entire made of metal. But you knew something was wrong the moment you saw Lin's face when she heard about Zaofu. Her frown became even deeper and she looked rather annoyed, insisting to turn back to Republic City. You stayed silent as Korra and Lin had a fight about if they should return to Republic City or collect a new airbender. They decided the last one.

- Something's wrong? You asked when you two retired to yours shared room.

She sighs heavily and gives you a painful glance, instinctive you pulled her closer to your body and give her a bear hug, so she knew that you're here for her.

- It's ok if you don't want to talk about it. You said concerned

- There's someone in Zaofu that I don't want to come face to face with. she said so low that it was almost a whisper

- Who? You question impatiently

- My sister.

When you arrived in Zaofu, Lin chose to remain inside the airship, instructing the group to not tell that she came along with them. You roll your eyes, the last night the only thing she told you was that she doesn’t want to face her sister because of a big conflict they had in the past. You tried to reason her why she should encounter her sibling, but she was way too stubborn to see your point.

Aiwei show you the city, the statue of Toph Beifong, who invented the metal bending. You with Bolin were so thrilled to see the city, their buildings and architecture.

 - You are so lucky to date the Toph's daughter. He said, whispering to you.

You giggle at these words

- Well, you lucky enough to try and learn the metal bending, at this word he let a deep sigh

- I hope.

You meet the matriarch of the city at dance rehearsal, you let a surprised sigh, because she looks so much like Lin, perhaps both of them look very much like Toph? Probably you never saw her in real life, only the statues and some portraits in the books.

Suyin named all of your group members, giving you a smile.

- I heard you are a wonderful healer?

- Yes, she is, the answer for you Korra, but also one of the best fighters. You heard a tone of pride in her voice and suddenly you felt shy.

Your discussion was interrupted by Aiwei who leans to Suyin and whispered something in her ear. You frown deeply when you saw that, looking at you Korra smiles, because this face reminds her so much of a certain Police Chief. But you realized they knew there was someone else on the ship, because of the seismic sense, such being the case why you could never give Lin sneak hugs.

- Aiwei says that there is someone on your ship?

- I told you Y/N, its Chief Beifong, for some reason she didn't want to come with us?

- Lin is here?

- Do you know her? Ask Korra dumbfounded

- Didn't she told you about me? Y/N notice the hurt in her voice

- Suyin is her sister, Lin's sister. You offer clarity

After the reveal, everyone suddenly developed the ability to walk fast, you barely could to hold the pace. They rushed so fast, that you were the last one to enter. When you come into the ship the intense atmosphere could be almost touched. Two Beifong's siblings gaze at one another and then the hell gets loose. They accused each other of so many things, such as tearing apart the family, Suyin accused her sister of not making any contacts with her in thirty years. You saw the almost ashamed stare in Lin's eyes at this word, so you moved to her side to bring a little bit of comfort since everybody looked for some reason so betrayed.

- Y/N why don't you tell us? Wonder Bolin

- I thought you didn't have secrets from me?  Korra asks a little bit hurt

At first she was shocked when you reveal your relationships with Chief Beifong, after that she enjoyed to tease you about it. But then the reality hit her, you started to spend so much time with Chief Beifong, that she internally always rolls her eyes. Isn't chief very busy woman? It bugs her how you depart from her, she was so happy to spend some time with you at home, but then Unalaq happened. She was relieved when you decided to help them to find the new airbenders, but then Chief joined them and it was once again you and Lin.

- I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, you started to apologize, but that's not my secret to decide to reveal it or not. Also, I thought we came here to meet the airbender? You try to pretend you don't see Su's intense gaze.

- It's my daughter, Opal. Finally said Suyin

You were holding Lin's forearm, while Suyin decided to introduce her family, you wonder if it's for the whole group or only for Lin. She started with her twin sons, Wei and Wing, who were playing power disk, something they invented. She proceeds to introduce to Huan, a metal bending sculptor, to his delight you let go of the Chief hand to take a closer look at his work.

- It's so beautiful and unusual, you smiled when you heard a small noise produced by Lin.

- Finally, said with pride Huan, someone who understands art.

While Suyin takes you to meet her daughter you came closer to Korra.

- Listen, I'm sorry that I didn't say to you anything, but as I said it's not my secret.

- Well of course it's not, it was yours and Beifong's secret, one of the many I guess. She said with a huff

- What do you mean? You looked puzzled

- I'm ok that you two dating, I'm even ok that Chief keeps her secrets, but you are my friend and I met you first, she said, looking at Lin who clearly could hear them, the last one rolled her eyes.

- I'm still your friend and I care about you, I'm sorry that I didn't pay you a lot of attention. You said sadly

- No Y/N, I'm sorry, Korra stoped you while everyone keeps moving, I guess I'm just a little bit jealous, she gazed ashamed to ground.

- I guess we both are guilty. You said, taking Korra in a warm embrace that she returned.

You meet Opal soon after, the young woman expresses so much of delight over meeting her aunt. But still mad at her sister Lin dismissed girl's joy, receiving a disapproving look from you. On the other hand, you are pleasant to encounter with her.

- I like your hairstyle, she said with a smile

- I can try to make you a similar one.

- So we have the airbender, we should turn back to Republic City where I can protect Korra from members of the Red Lotus. Your chatter was interrupted by Lin.

- Zaofu is the safest city in the world, I assure you, Avatar Korra is secure here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You admired the Huan's sculptures when you saw a shadow approaching you.

- There's something stunning in metal, you said while turn around to see Suyin, perhaps the way sun reflex on it.

- Bolin said you see my sister. She said with a small smile

- By see you mean dating? You chuckle.

- So it's true, I never thought she would find someone who will bear her.

- She's not how you all portray her, just because she doesn’t show off all of her emotions, don't mean she is evil and have none. You rant, not in the mood to listen how your girlfriend is bad.

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything malicious, but sometimes she's so stubborn. She let a long sigh from her lungs.

- Well, I'm pretty sure not only her since you had such a big fight that destroyed your relationships. You said still defensively of Lin

- You right, I guess we didn't just inherit earthbending from our mother. She said with a smile, that you return. After that the silence fell between you two.

- I want to make up for the way we meet today, do you know how?

- I need to know as much embarrassing stories as you can recall about Lin. You said with a sly smile on your face.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was early morning, the early fight between two Beifongs still fresh in your head, you were so scared that they will hurt each other. But when Lin lost her consciousness, your heart skipped a beat, you tried to heal her, but except some small scratches, she is physically healthy. It was a deep emotional wound, that sadly your healing can't even touch. You smile slightly at the peaceful face, no frowning, just Lin. You saw her eyes moving underneath her eyelids.

- How many times should I say to not look at me while I'm sleeping, I can feel it. She said without any malice

-You scared me to death, you get closer to her body on the bed

- I'm sorry, she said while she opened fully her eyes and moved her head to your chest

- How do you feel?

- Relieved.

- Do you want to talk about it?

- Maybe other times, did you even get any sleep? She asks with a concern in her voice

- I couldn't, not until I'm sure you're alright.

She lifts her head from your chest and look at your face.

- You look ill, she said with a small smile. I think you need to sleep.

With that word she switches your position and now your head is on her chest. You raise your head to give a kiss on her lips, after you settled down, she kissed you on the cheek

- Goodnight Lin. You said almost falling asleep

- Goodnight Y/n. she put you closer drifting away as well.

A/N: “Kinda cheesy end, but this woman deserves some happiness. It was supposed to be a comfort Lin small fanfic, but it gets out of my hands and become my biggest English work”

[ramblingguy54]

After The Rain: Powerful, Heartbreaking, & Endearing.

BIG SPOILERS AHEAD. GO WATCH THE EPISODE FIRST.

It was only a matter of time until Hop Pop’s big lie to Anne about doing more research on her music box, aka Calamity Box, through his resources would come back to haunt him severely and they delivered strongly on that drama. After The Rain doesn’t waste time, by jumping right into the fray of getting down to this conflict. Right off the bat, Hop Pop is caught red handed by Anne no longer being able to lie anymore about the Calamity Box. His guilt consumes him to fess up about everything, much to Anne’s justified confusion, frustration, and hurt feelings. Hop Pop had welcomed her into their family with open arms. She’s greatly bonded with these three, helped them through rough times, and literally saved Hop Pop from execution of being eaten alive in the Season 1 finale, Reunion. To see someone she considers family go behind her back and bury not only just her key to getting back home, but Anne’s symbolic trust in Hop Pop must’ve felt worse than getting slapped in the face. Anne royally chews him out for being this deceptive and it doesn’t help he’s always been preachy in general about being responsible, honest, and reliable, too. This only adds further ammunition for Anne to launch his way about being so highly dishonest. Hop Pop & Anne are put greatly in an empathetic light, as you feel for them both with this falling out at the start, kicking off an emotional domino effect.

Even though Hop Pop did something pretty wrong, you still feel bad for the old man because he was just trying to look out for his family. He may have trusted and liked Anne, but not enough to look further into what this whole music box deal was about. Especially after learning of its apparent destructive powers it can unleash. As we’ll soon find out by the end of this angst filled episode, Hop Pop had a much deeper reason for wanting to bury it, than just simply protecting his family. It delves into a more vulnerable side of his personality. Something he’s been putting on a brave face about. If Hopping Mall was a gut punch of drama, when looking at Sprig affected by his mother’s passing, then After The Rain is a total nuke of poignant writing exploring one’s deepest regrets that’d go on to shape Hop Pop’s more restrictive, cautious, and loving nature toward his own family. After The Rain spins an entire new context for all of Season 1. Why was Hop Pop so determined to give Sprig & Polly a better life, than simply being poor as they were and having to scrap by day after day? The answer it provides shows how much compassion and remorse Hop Pop truly feels, overall. It’s no wonder Hop Pop wanted Sprig to win that talent show competition before. It isn’t just a matter of feeling inadequate about himself as a parent, but feeling his kids deserve better, yet feels he doesn’t though after a huge loss this guy suffered.

Sprig & Polly’s parents...

We’ve known Sprig was seriously affected by the loss of his mother, but we never knew just how torn up Hop Pop was inside over it. The origin of what became of their biological parents before Hop Pop took over adds so much weight to his role as a father figure, yet delivers a devastating context to Hopping Mall in retrospect. Amphibia’s dramatic writing continues to impress me with how much it’s built upon the foundation of its first season, regarding utilizing its trope of found family. Hop Pop wants these two kids to be happy at the expense of his own, given he takes responsibility upon himself for their parents passing away in such an untimely and cruel manner they were dealt. It’s been eating away at him for all these years since then because he decided to go on a trip outside of Wartwood and had no clue of what fate awaited them upon returning. Imagine the horror of coming back to your home town and seeing it all torn apart, but then receive a terrible cherry on top of finding out your beloved relatives have died? No matter how much something may be out of your control in certain circumstances, when you’ve prided yourself in always being dependable and then not being there when it mattered most of all is a crushing reality to live with. That’s why Hop Pop took this mindset upon himself.

Sprig & Polly survived, but their parents weren’t so lucky...

To learn Sprig & Polly’s parents suffered such a grim fate at the fangs of these big herons is freaking heavy as all Hell. Some have speculated Sprig’s mother had an interaction with the Calamity Box that led to her death, which is why Hop Pop was terrified of it, but nope. After The Rain reveals a much harsher demise for their father & mother. These creatures made an appearance before in a previous story when Sasha & Grimes defended their tower from being torn to pieces by this dangerous species of predator, so it’s quite a dark pay off to see just how truly dangerous these things are adding an emotional weight to them, as well. The world of Amphibia doesn’t pull its punches at all for how unfair and cruel its environment can be to its denizens having to deal with this type of life on a day to day basis. A prime example of world building adding to its cast of characters. You love to see it. Especially when you’re getting stuff such as this.

Hop Pop, I forgive you...

Can I just say how much I love Bill Farmer’s work as an actor? He really went all out for Hop Pop’s breakdown. When I heard him say, “I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry!”, I wanted to join in on that hug Anne gave Hop Pop, too. Seeing him realize how much he alienated Anne for hiding a big secret from her because part of him was still so terrified of losing everything this father figure cherishes is painfully beautiful to behold. After The Rain is an all around great pay off to drama it’s been building up to delivering on and was so very much worth it. Hopping Mall made me shed some tears at how resonating it was, but After The Rain’s angst driven, heartbreaking, and lovely conclusion hit me much harder.

Amphibia continues to impress me with how unafraid it is to let these emotional beats really stand out as much as they possibly can. Mad respect to that. 

[darkficsforthesoul]

drastic measures of ignorance ☆ intro

dark!peter parker x reader

series warnings: non-con, dub-con, bullying, humiliation, degradation, power imbalance, slapping, somnophilia, slight emetophobia, forced relationship, kidnapping and more please be careful and message me if you are concerned about any potential warnings you don't see! all characters are of age (seniors in hs)

6:30 am

My alarm plays the same song it always does and I sleep for thirty more minutes before getting dressed, like I always do. I tuck my shoelaces into my shoes like I did yesterday and the day before. My stomach turns, I throw up before I make it to the bus stop and the same thing will happen tomorrow and the next day.

I sit by the window, seven seats down, my stop is the first. His is the third. I turn on my music and bite my nails anxiously hoping that someone will sit next to me before he does, but they never do. Thirteen seconds into my fourth song he’ll sit pompously beside me and my day begins.

7:46 am

“Hey angel.”

I don’t respond but he doesn’t care. It’s not a no and cold hands snake under my shirt, playing at my waistband before moving to my breasts. I shift uncomfortably and wonder how I’m supposed to respond, but I’ll never get there. My head is so foggy and my thoughts are jumbled. He says this is normal and really, how should I know better?

11:30 am

For three periods everything is okay. He’s much smarter than me so our schedule almost never lines up. Except for…

“Peter!”

Just his name makes my throat dry, but I desperately hope it’s someone reminding him about a meeting he needs to attend, or a tutor session he promised, but of course it’s nothing and he continues on his path toward me.

I was used to eating lunch alone, I liked it that way. With most of my friends having graduated in the years prior I began to enjoy the time for myself. But nothing is just mine now, everything has become enveloped by him.

Under the table where no one can see he pinches my thigh painfully until I give him the pda he desires. To everyone else we’re a dream couple. And to me? Well I guess that’s what we are, I’ve never had the supplies to deny it.

Classes go by in a blur, even with conflicting schedules the school building still feels like a suffocating maze with Peter just waiting to find me alone. I think about online school, transferring, dropping out, but it all feels so dramatic and to put my future on the line all because of some bothersome guy… I can’t do that. Right?

3:50 pm

The bus ride home is always worse than the one in the morning. He’s annoyed at the time we have to spend apart and I’m at the end of his frustration. Sometimes his force scares me and I have to cry to get him to stop. He reminds me to call him and I make up a lie about our service being out. He grumbles something about having to make it up to him and I scurry off the bus before I have to think about it too much. At home I am in my sanctuary and at home I won’t think about him any longer than I have to. I can spend one night by myself.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Every other day we have gym at the field across the campus. Most days it's a drag, but today I’m practically buzzing. Peter is nowhere to be seen. The sun on my skin doesn’t feel too bad, still I’ve never been one for exercising. I take my time stretching.

Lately my days go by painfully slow. One minute in my life is one hundred and twenty seconds long. I take in my surroundings enjoying every minute change or disruption, it brings me something to think of other than my own circumstances. Most days I notice the stray basketball heading towards me. Today, I fail to notice the shade beginning to cast over me and the sound of classmates calling my name.

I am entirely frozen when I feel the strange texture enveloping me. Finally, I comprehend the familiar design. Plastered all over the internet, talked about on the news and recognized nationally I’d have to really be long gone to not recognize Spider-Man when he’s face to face with me.

The gravity of the situation hits me and my shaking becomes uncontrollable. The masked hero comforts me quietly as we swing out of sight. Once many buildings have past I ready myself to be set down. I begin to feel restless and clammy, unacquainted with the area we’re arriving at. I try to direct to my house, my parents workplace, the nearest starbucks, anywhere where I can breathe freely but it falls on deaf ears.

Maybe I should be thankful to this man but I panic. I panic and start beating at the chest of my hero turned captor. Maybe he has my best interest in mind, maybe I’m delusional, maybe…

I feel pressure on my neck and my muscles weaken before the world fades around me.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Sometimes when I am completely fatigued, I can hear and feel everything around me while I sleep, too exhausted to open my eyes or move an inch. Usually I’m dealing with my mom taking an embarrassing picture of my sleeping face, now however I’m dealing with my own personal nightmare.

The bed I’m in is much firmer than my own, the blankets too thin for comfort and everything is far too dark. My senses are in overdrive as I feel another presence.

I feel the cool air hit my legs as my pants are slid off me, I will my hands to move, my mouth to speak but nothing happens. As my chest becomes completely exposed my heartbeat thunders in my ears. I try to let out a complaint but the noise only excites them. When I’m completely exposed I hear the shutter of a camera and a sob builds in my throat.

Eventually I feel a prodding at my entrance and I fight to at least fall back asleep. Please let this be a nightmare, please let this be something I don’t have to endure.

Instead I’m forced awake.

Peter.

Peter, Peter.

Peter!

I plead with him, tears fogging my vision until he becomes fed up, awarding me with a slap on the face. None of it comes to me then, I don’t let it. I refuse to face my reality, as Peter inserts himself into me fully. The pain is excruciating and his words make it worse.

“God angel, you’re pussy is perfect.”

He starts a slow pace, bringing his hands to my waist he settles me upright in his lap. He forces me up and down like a ragdoll, it’s humiliating adding to my powerlessness.

“I can’t believe I waited this long, I’m not going another day without my cock in you.”

The thought of the future brings a new set of tears and Peter tsks before slapping my ass. I yelp in surprise and it leaves him wanting more.

“Come on baby, I want to hear more of those pretty noises.”

I shake my head desperately, embarrassed. He pinches my nipple and picks up the pace before continuing.

“Yes, you’re gonna tell me how much you like this. I know this is exactly what my dumb little slut needs.”

Despite my attempts not to, I cry out, His name a chant on my lips. I don’t know what I’m asking for anymore, to stop or to keep going, slower or harder, it all bleeds together, the only thing I have the ability to focus on is Peter. Just like he wanted.

Peter.

Peter.

Peter!

He always manages to get what he wants.

[missivvy]

PAST THREAD: GUNNER X IVY 

the break up 

mentions: @gunnerhq

GUNNER: they had spent the last few weeks alone arguing over this subject, and gunner felt his stomach sing with a frustration he couldn't showcase. he could feel a sense of bitterness as he thought about the baby, and how he could never be the father that ivy wanted to believe he could. how was he supposed to managed being a father when he'd never had a real one himself? it was the same question he found himself arguing with from the moment that his girlfriend had told him they were expecting a baby. he could recall the chill that rang through his being at the very concept, his body and mind instantaneously recognizing his incapacity to father a child properly. somewhere within he had justified this fact when he allowed himself to add stress onto his newly pregnant girlfriend and continuously found himself frustrated or starting arguments, or both. that's how he found himself stood in front of her door, jaw clenched and feeling conflicted even after he reminded himself a million ( or so. ) times the reason he was doing this. gunner loved ivy, that was a feeling he had learned far too intimately upon her entrance into his life. he wasn't the ideal father for a baby to have, though, and he was certain he never would be. knocking on the door, he kept his gaze locked on the porch beneath him as he waited for her to answer. his racing heart counting the seconds until the door swung open, and he found words difficult to grasp initially when he took sight of ivy. it had been involuntary, he was determined to keep his gaze from her face because he knew he could crumble to her will on his worst days. he had. a few seconds it took him to gather his composure, the male shoving his hands into his pockets as he forced out the words. "we need to talk, vee."

IVY: the last few weeks were one of the most hardest, emotionally draining weeks of ivy's life. who would have thought that everything could just in just a blink of an eye. just one simple test could change so much. ivy was still coming to terms with the fact that she was pregnant. she was going to be a mom and to make things even worst from the minute she had found out about it gunner and her had been fighting constantly over this. he understood that he has his issues with her parents but that didn't excuse how he was treating her in their situation. it was completely different from his parents. for the last week the girl had been cooped up in her apartment not really seeing anyone because most days she was in tears and just so tired. the girl was coming to terms with becoming a mother and she prayed that gunner would come around. ivy was curled up on the couch when she heard a knock at her front door. still intangled with her blanket she opened the door with a small smile. it was gunner. she had no idea why he didn't just use his key. "gunner" she said. the boy couldn't even look at her. he was looking at the ground before putting his hands in his pocket and speaking. "well at least that is something we can both agree on" she said looking at him before moving aside and back over to the couch where she was once sitting, trusting that gunner would close the door behind him.

GUNNER: if there was anything besides his own selfish fear of failure that was spurring on gunner’s decision, it was the last few weeks. he had not only got into his own head and been attacked by his own self doubts and frustrations. he had gone out of his way to make a rough time harder for ivy, his own fears and frustrations spilling out the more he ruminated on the subject of having a baby. he hated the potential of his father ever coming into contact with his future child, but he hated the idea of failing as equally or worse than his father more than that. his feelings on the subject had made it hard for him to discern the love and care he held for ivy, and that was the turning point in his reality: ivy deserved better than the stress he had been putting on her when things took an unexpected turn. she deserved someone better to help her with the baby, someone who could be a real father. as he allowed himself to follow ivy after shutting the door behind him. he could have used his key, but somehow the message he had come to relay felt like it warranted not simply entering the place. the brunet reached up to run a hand through his hair and let his hand slide down over his face before falling back to his side. “how are you feeling?” it was the softest voice he had used in the last few weeks, and the most concern he had shown over her since he found out. a realization that sent a shock of guilt through his frame. he swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, forcing himself to look at the beauty before him with a sad smile. “vee, i can’t do this.” he felt his jaw clench at the admittance, a sign of vulnerability he wasn’t used to.

IVY: ivy had curled herself back up on the couch. she was relieved that gunner had turned up, it had been a difficult few weeks and she had hoped that he had come to tell her that everything was going to be okay. that they could make this work. but deep down she knew something wasn't right. the boy didn't even use his key, like he usually wood and his facials. she could tell from a million miles away. ivy looked up at him as he asked how i was feeling. she wanted to laugh, cry all of the above. his tone of voice was something she hadn't heard in a while, so soft. "i've been better you know. but i'm fine" she said looking at him. she brushed some stray strands of her hair behind her ear. "how are you" she started to ask before stopping when he spoke. "what do you mean you can't do this. can't do our relationship anymore? can't do being a father or all of the above" she said sitting up looking at him. she wasn't expecting this really but from the way they had been acting the girl knew it wasn't going to be easy with finding out she was pregnant.

GUNNER: a part of gunner wanted to be sunk with the guilt that settled in, but the logical part of his brain had compartmentalized his emotional responses and the reasons he saw fit to do this before showing up. he knew he couldn't let what he felt for ivy overshadow doing what was best for both her and the baby in the long run. it was gutting, more than he was willing to admit or showcase, to be stood in front of the one person he ever loved and say what he was speaking. his features briefly falter, gaze finally landing on the femme, before he closed his expression off again. he wasn't sure the response for that, but he was too late to ruminate on an answer before she cut in with her questions. he didn't openly flinch, but he wanted to. "all of the above, vee. i'm not going to ask you to not have the baby, that'd be cruel. even for me," he tried to level with her, though he was aware that wasn't likely with this being the way he was ending things. "but i can't be a father. i'm not made out for that, i'll fuck the kid up." he told her.

IVY: ivy couldn't help but just look at him. what possibly more could they talk about. from his absence and the fighting the last few weeks it was pretty clear to ivy that he wasn't too happy about the situation, it wasn't ideal but it was happening and there wasn't much he or she could do about it. the girl knew she would be fighting back the tears in a second from the other's words. "so you're breaking up with me? because i'm pregnant and you can't handle it" she asked looking at him. "do you think im ready for this." she added. the girl was doing her very best to hold it together but the fact that the had such a difficult last few weeks and now he came over and ending things with her, it was all too much. the situation wasn't ideal but the girl hoped that he would come around and they could work through this together. "do you not love me anymore" she asked with her voice cracking.

GUNNER: there was no decent way for the brunet to go about his decision, but that somehow didn't stop him from opening his mouth. or showing up, for that matter. it would have been easier to simply fall off the face of the earth in a metaphoric sense, easier to disappear. easier for him, but he couldn't bring himself to not have this conversation with the femme in person. "i'm breaking up with you, because i'm not right for you or a baby." he felt his jaw clench, teeth grinding against each other. "i... don't know if you are, but i know i'm not. and i can't," he told ivy, feeling as though he was pleading with her almost. he didn't expect her to accept it, or understand it. the brunet's heart breaking at her question and the cracking of her voice, and he looked at her incredulously. words absent as he stared at her, feeling as though the question was outlandish when it was more logical with his actions. "it's nothing to do with my love for you." he defended, too fiercely.

IVY: Ivy just looked at him. She couldn’t believe this was happening. He was breaking up with her. The boy she thought she would be spending the test of her life with was breaking up with her because she was pregnant. Why couldn’t they have been more careful she thought. The girl couldn’t help but shed some tears. She held onto her knees and fought back the tears but they kept coming. “Please don’t do this. I need you, we need you” she said looking at him. “You don’t know what it’s going to be like, how can you not even wanna try” she said crying some more. This was too much for the girl. Ivy loved gunner with every ounce of her and right now her heart was shattering into a million pieces and there wasn’t anything she could do about it. “Please don’t leave” she said with her voice cracking even more before she sat up to be closer to him. “If you love me then don’t leave”

GUNNER: it was a testament of strength, or an outlandish pride, that the male refrained from pulling the woman who stole his heart into his arms as she cried. he was warring with himself, knowing that he would never forgive himself for this moment in time. reminded once more that ivy deserved more. "i can't, vee. i've hurt you already, and i... can't. i don't know how a father's supposed to be. i didn't have a decent role model." he tried to reason, though he knew it wouldn't be possible. giving into the urge to wrap the femme in a hug, he hated himself more but that didn't stop the words from coming out of his mouth. "i have to... i'm sorry... i have to."

IVY: This was her worst nightmare coming true. Growing up she always thought when you found the one she loved and saw a future with they would try for a baby. She never thought that when this day came that it would push the person she loved the most away. “Gunner please” she said wiping her tears away but there was no use, they just kept coming. “I know, but we can learn together. It’s new for both of us” she said looking at him before he pulled her into a hug. She clung to him like anything, she loved this boy so much and the thought of him leaving just made her more upset. “I love you, please don’t leave me” she said as her hands were wrapped around him. She was sitting in his lap now and she wasn’t planning on moving. “You, you don’t have to break up with me” she said as she cried into his chest

GUNNER: his throat seized up as more tears spilled, the armani boy working to keep his emotions tapered for the sake of getting through this. he hadn't been exaggerating the knowledge that ivy could transform his views with an ease, and the idea of how much more he was hurting her was heavy on his heart. it was a toss between making him want to stay, to figure it out, and the deciding note on just how much better it was for him to depart. "vee," he breathed, shaking his head and letting his eyes fall shut as he listened to her. "you... you are going to love this baby more than anything. i have no doubt about it." he hated himself even more when she clung to him, if only for the knowledge that he was going to have to unravel from the femme when he didn't want to. "i love you," he whispered, feeling a sickening sensation building in his stomach. "but i can't stay." even as he held her tighter, rubbing her back and knowing he was the lowest of low.

IVY: ivys vision blurred from the tears, and she was not letting go of this boy. She knew that when gunner got something in his head it was hard to change, she had her luck sometimes but with something this big she knew she couldn’t and ivy knew that. She knew that his mind was set about being a father and it broke her heart. The girl knew that he was leaving as much as she tried to not admit it. Ivy pulling him closer to her even though it wasn’t possible. “No no don’t do that” she said. It was so hard for her to listen to what he was saying and how he was acting. It was like two different things. “I can’t do this on my own” she said looking up at him with teared stained cheeks and puffy eyes. “And I love you so much gun”ivy said as she pressed her lips onto his. “Why?” She asked as she sunk back down into his lap

GUNNER: if this were any other argument, ivy would have won him offer within the first signs of tears, the very sight and the knowledge the he was breaking her heart would have suffered whatever argument he was on. this, however, was something he knew he wasn't capable of being. "i'm sorry." he reiterated, the longer he looked at her, the deeper he dug the metaphoric knife into his own heart for the pain he was causing. he couldn't leave her in this state, he was cruel but he couldn't do that. not to ivy. he knew that ivy would figure things out with the baby, with the same stubbornness that he knew he couldn't be a father. his brows pinched together, unable to deny reciprocating her kiss. "i don't... i'm never going to be a good father." and he'd hurt her enough over the course of learning this news, he couldn't keep doing it. the brunet was usually selfish, and he was being partially selfish with the concept that he couldn't father a baby, but hurting vee wasn't something he could keep doing either. and it felt inevitable that this was their ending.

IVY: With each minute that went past the pain only grew stronger, the pain in her chest, her throat tightening from crying, the uncontrollable tears. She stayed silent for a minute she was trying to calm herself down but it wasn’t working. The girl just stayed in the boys lap, she wasn’t planning on moving anytime soon. Ivy just looked at him when he said sorry. She couldn’t tell if he meant it or was just saying it. She opened that he meant it. “You don’t know that. You just think that” she said before going silent again. The tears kept coming and she was exhausted. All of this crying and worrying and everything that had happened the last few weeks, this was her breaking point. The girl was truly broken. All she wanted him to do was tell her that he would give it a go, be there for her and try to be a dad and not just go off what his own parents. Ivy knew that gunner could be an amazing father.

GUNNER: one hand trying to wipe the tears the flowed endlessly from the femme, knowing that he wanted to be able to comfort her with words of staying. he could lie to anyone else, but hurting ivy more with telling her what she wanted to hear when he knew better was impossible. lying to her was impossible. he studied the femme, one hand wrapped around her and the other combating the tears. he couldn't argue with her, she didn't understand the depth of which he believed it to be true. his hand at her back continued to rub, the brunet offering a half sigh. "i'm so sorry." and he knew this moment would be burned into the back of his memories, a searing image of the femme as he broke her heart, feeling the very same break in his chest.

IVY: the girl was not expecting this, not expecting to one find out she was pregnant and two lose the man she loved because of it. She sat in silence when she could feel the boy wiping her tears. She just snuggled more into him as he rubbed her back. She still loved him. She always would. Even him breaking her heart, through all the anger that she knew would come she would still love him. Ivy cried and cried into the boys chest until she was so exhausted that they were no tears left. She just sat in silence still curled up in his lap with her head on his chest.

GUNNER: there were no more words for gunner, the male focusing on rubbing at her back and offering whatever comfort he could. knowing that the comfort was temporary and he was going to leave behind a world of hurt and anger, and unable to fix it. unable to will himself to fix it in the ways he could, for ivy, because of his own hang ups. when her tears were gone, gunner looked at the femme, reveling unrightfully in the last time he would hold her in his arms, on his lap.

IVY: ivy was exhausted, she just stayed where she was in his lap with her eyes closed. knowing that after today she wasn't able to do this anymore. other people would probably be yelling and screaming and kicking the other out but right now she didn't have the energy and they had been fighting for the last few weeks, so couldn't take it anymore. being in his arms was like home to her, one of her favourite places and she was going to stay there until he pried her off him. with one hand around his back and the other with a handful of his shirt ivy slowly ran out of any energy and drifted off to sleep but not before saying, "i love you so much gunner"

GUNNER: gunner didn’t dare move, the brunet let ivy fall asleep even though he could feel his heart sinking at his own following actions. when she was asleep, he waited a few moments, reveling in the moments before he knew he would have to leave. when he finally got up, he carried the femme to her room and tucked her into bed carefully. “i love you ivy. i’m sorry,” he sighed, leaving a faint kiss on her forehead. he left a note, a simple apology an i love you and wishes for the best, some reassuring words even if he was certain the note only made his absence worse.

[smooshjames]

forget you not (i)

you returned and the wall comes falling down (or: welcome back to la)

word count: a little over 4k

a/n: friends, quarantine has been good for one thing and one thing only: spurring me to write 20,000 words of shayne topp fanfic. it’s five parts and it’ll be updated (probably?) weekly. maybe more often if a lot of people like it. the premise is that the reader (hey that’s you) is in a band (which is based off of little mix; if you’re unfamiliar you should check them out here because they’ve never written a bad song ever) and uhhh things happen. i didn’t write any of the songs mentioned herein; here are links to the songs mentioned this chapter (x, x)

warnings: a metric fuck-ton of angst, this isn’t gender neutral (reader is referred to with she/her pronouns) so there’s that, reader is also implied to have anxiety but i never use the word directly (idk if that’s a necessary warning but it didn’t fit anywhere else)

Shayne knew something was up the second Courtney rounded the corner. He was sitting at his desk working on some ideas for possible upcoming videos, but he glanced up when he noticed the blonde entering. She cast a quick glance around the room, looking for somebody, and then she made eye contact with Shayne and did that thing she did when she was up to no good: a slight narrowing of the eyes, a slight upturn of the lips. She squared her shoulders and began marching directly toward him.

Great.

“Mr. Topp,” she said once she was within earshot of him. She rounded his desk and leaned back against it, folding her arms over her chest. “I have a proposition for you.”

Great.

Shayne sat back in his chair and nodded.

“I bought concert tickets for this Saturday for me and a friend,” she began. “But my friend just canceled on me -- family emergency -- and now I’ve got no one to go with. I already asked a bunch of other people and they’re already busy. I got these tickets months ago and they’re really good tickets so they were super fucking expensive and I feel shitty just… throwing one away. So I was hoping you would go with me.”

There was a moment of silence as Shayne considered. He was pretty sure he knew what the tickets were for; Courtney had been into some girl group lately. It probably wasn’t his first pick for a concert, but he was free on Saturday and he could tell Courtney really wanted someone to come with her. Plus, he was never one to turn down a free concert ticket.

“Yeah, sure,” he said. It would be good for him to get out of the house, at least. “Why not?”

Courtney grinned and clapped her hands together. “Great! I got a really good deal on VIP tickets so there’s a photo op beforehand. I’ll text you the address, be there at five o’clock on the dot.”

Shayne nodded and smiled over his shoulder as Courtney retreated back to her own desk. With her gone, he turned back to his laptop and got back to work, considering his new weekend plans as he did so.

The band probably wasn’t his first pick, sure, but going to a concert with Courtney could never be boring. And it would sure as hell be better than sitting at his apartment alone all night. So, all things considered, he was pretty excited.

***

It had been a long time since you’d been in LA.

You’d been on-edge all day; jittery, standoffish. Being back in this city was a blessing and a curse. This was the place where you had discovered your love of music and started your career, but it was also the place where you’d suffered the worst heartbreak of your life.

It didn’t help that you’d gotten up at four o’clock that morning.

You and your bandmates had spent most of the day doing press before making your way to the venue of your concert -- not the biggest concert hall LA had to offer, but certainly not the smallest, which was bittersweet in your mind. The decently-sized venue meant you were succeeding and moving up in the world. It also meant a decently-sized paycheck. But, on the downside, it meant that the crowd would be one of the biggest you’d ever performed for. More people meant more eyes watching your every move, scrutinizing you, noticing if you did something wrong. That filled you with dread.

You took a deep breath in the dressing room mirror, trying to convince yourself that everything would be okay. In five minutes, the meet and greet/photo op for people with VIP tickets would begin. You looked stunning; black and white leotard, thigh-high boots, and a faux fur coat which would definitely cause you to overheat under the stage lights. Your makeup and hair were done up to perfection.

You were photo-ready by all accounts except your own. You couldn’t stop fidgeting with your outfit, your hair, your accessories, trying in vain to make yourself look perfect. You could never quite seem to get there.

You were startled out of your thoughts by the sound of the dressing room door opening. One of your bandmates and best friends, Carly, entered the room. She was dressed in a black-and-white outfit to match the theme, but hers consisted of high-waisted leather pants and a crop top. Her makeup was the same as yours.

“Hey,” she said, voice soft. Carly had been your friend since before the band started, and thus she knew about what had happened last time you were in LA. You didn’t like to talk about it much, partly because it made you upset and partly because you didn’t see the point in dwelling on it. It had been years ago. It was stupid to be upset about it, and yet here you were. And Carly knew because you told Carly everything, even the stupid things.

You didn’t say anything in response to her greeting. You just flashed her a tight smile and checked yourself one last time in the mirror. You took a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, trying to calm your nerves. You decided that you’d have to face the music sooner or later.

“We’re all ready when you are, buttercup,” Carly said. You smiled at the sound of her nickname for you. “How’re you feeling?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you replied. And then you followed her out of the dressing room.

The photo op room was pretty simple. A small room half taken up by a simple white backdrop, half taken up with lights and camera equipment. There were four stools set out for you and your bandmates. The fans would come in through a door to the band’s left, talk for a couple of minutes, take their picture, and exit out the door to the band’s right. From there, they would go to their seats in the concert hall.

All you had to do was stand there, be friendly, smile for pictures. Easy.

And for the first hour or so, it was. You met countless fans and had wonderful conversations with them. A couple of them talked to you specifically about how important and inspiring you were to them, which honestly had you a little bit speechless.

You finished up your conversation with a group of teenage girls all decked out in tour merch, smiled for your picture, and waved to them as their chaperone (one of the girls’ moms, you assumed) led them out.

With the door shut behind them, you heard the door to your left open and the next group be admitted. A girl of average height rounded the backdrop, smiling brightly. She was pretty, you noted; thin, with shoulder-length blonde hair and delicate features. She had her hand wrapped around someone’s wrist, and when your gaze lifted from their wrist to their face, your heart nearly stopped beating.

Shayne.

You knew that Carly realized it was him at the same moment you did because you felt her stiffen beside you. You groped blindly for a stool and sat down on it, forcing yourself not to bolt out of the room. It seemed that he hadn’t noticed you yet.

Carly took a step backward so she could put an arm around your shoulders. If you didn’t know any better, you wouldn’t have thought anything of it. Everyone knew you and Carly were best friends (there were even quite a few people out there who suspected you were a couple). But you knew that she was trying to ground you in reality, and for that, you were profoundly grateful.

You were also impressed with Carly’s acting ability at that moment because even as her entire body went rigid, her smile didn’t waver for a millisecond. The girl introduced herself as Courtney and began talking excitedly to Alexis, one of your other bandmates, and she seemed to be none the wiser to the sudden tension in the room.

You couldn’t tear your eyes away from Shayne even despite your best efforts to look at Courtney, or Carly, or Matt the photographer, or even the floor. He had grown up a lot since you saw him last, and he looked good. Seeing him again was bringing up all the conflicted feelings you’d been keeping locked inside your chest for the past five years, and you were pretty sure you were going to explode.

For the first few seconds, he wasn’t looking at the band; he turned around the room, looking at the lighting and equipment. You figured, based on the fact that you didn’t really sing Shayne’s type of music, and based on the way Courtney had been holding onto his wrist when they walked in, that it hadn’t been his idea to come to this concert.

You also figured they were probably dating, which made the revolt currently happening in your gut that much worse.

Time screeched to a halt as Shayne turned back around from inspecting the lighting equipment and immediately made direct eye contact with you. His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped slightly. Suddenly, you couldn’t hear what Courtney -- who had now moved on to talking to Piper, your fourth bandmate -- was saying. The ringing in your ears was too loud. A strangled sound was pulled out of your throat and you covered it with a loud, abrupt cough. When you looked back, Shayne seemed to be looking anywhere but your face.

And then Courtney made her way over to you. 

She was just another fan, you told yourself. Just another fan, not your ex’s new girlfriend. Just another fan, not a girl who was definitely prettier and funnier and smarter than you, who Shayne probably loved more than he’d ever loved you. Just another fan, not the girl who got to hold him at night while you slept alone in a cold hotel bed.

“Y/N!” she squealed. You swallowed hard and forced a smile onto your face. She seemed really nice, and you hated yourself for hating her. From the way she was acting, you figured that she probably didn’t know who you were. At least, who you were to Shayne. “Can I hug you? I know that’s super forward but you’re, like, my favorite singer in the whole world and I’ve been counting down the minutes until I got to meet you!”

Carly stiffened beside you again, but you ignored her. Piper and Alexis seemed to have caught on by now that something was wrong; they didn’t know who Shayne was, but they knew when you were faking a smile, and they knew that whenever Carly got protective over you, something was wrong.

Doing your best not to think about it, you nodded enthusiastically. “Of course!” you said. You slid off your stool and closed the distance between the two of you, wrapping her up in a hug. There was one awful moment when your feet hit the ground that you thought your knees wouldn’t support you, but you managed to stay upright despite the fact that your bones were turning into Jell-O. You squeezed your eyes shut and pretended you were hugging Carly, Piper, literally any other human being on the planet. As soon as she pulled back, you sat back down, not trusting yourself to stand unsupported.

“Okay, picture time,” Matt said.

Courtney nodded and got over onto your right side, slinging her arm around your shoulders and beaming for the picture. Shayne took his place between Piper and Alexis.

Matt snapped a few photos and then Courtney and Shayne were ushered out of the room by one of the crew people, and it was like you could breathe again. You collapsed against Carly like a house of cards. You were fairly sure that without her there to hold you somewhat upright, you would’ve fallen off your stool and into a heap on the ground. You felt your hands start to shake and you cursed yourself for it, hated yourself for the way your throat constricted with tears.

You heard Piper ask Matt if the band could have a moment of privacy, heard the door shut as he left the room, but it was distant and muffled, like your head was underwater. You pushed yourself away from Carly and gulped in air, trying to remember how to breathe, trying desperately not to vomit.

Carly let you sit up on the stool on your own, keeping just one hand on your arm as support. She knew you well enough to know that you needed a little bit of space to breathe and get your bearings. Alexis and Piper had walked over now, forming a protective huddle around you. You curled in on yourself slightly, crossing your arms over your stomach and staring down at your knees, trying to focus on breathing.

“We need to talk.”

A bolt of panic flashed through you. Shayne had just gotten home, and he was being oddly distant. You asked him how his day was and got no reply, which was strange. For a few minutes, though, you were able to rationalize it; maybe he’d just had a rough day and didn’t want to talk about it.

But then you heard those dreaded four words, and for just a moment the world stopped turning. Your hands trembled slightly as you put your bookmark in the book you were reading and leaned forward to set it safely on the coffee table. You put on the most neutral, unaffected face you could and turned around to face him. He was leaning up against your kitchen island with his back to you. His head was bowed slightly and you could see the tension he was holding in his shoulders.

“What’s up, babe?” you asked. All things considered, you actually managed to sound somewhat normal. You’d been half-expecting your voice to come out as a strained squeak, and half-expecting it to not come out at all. The fact that you’d managed a coherent sentence was a triumph in and of itself.

“This isn’t working anymore.”

There it was. The fear you’d had since day one. The thing that kept you awake long after he’d fallen asleep. He had gotten tired of you, finally realized he was better off without you, that he could do better than you. You felt tears welling up in your eyes but managed by some miracle to hold them back. A question flashed through your mind unbidden; had he already found someone else?

“What?” you asked, hoping against hope that you’d heard him wrong.

He turned to face you now, and his expression was unreadable. His eyes were stony, narrowed, distant. For a moment, you almost didn’t recognize him. You were used to Shayne as he always was; open, gentle, all warm gazes and goofy grins. In all the time you’d known him, he’d never been hard for you to read. But now he was and that was terrifying.

“I can’t be with you,” he said. He didn’t even sound upset; no anger, no sadness. He was just… resigned, passive, like he felt nothing all. Like there was nothing you could do or say to change this. Like it was inevitable.

You shook your head, mouth slightly agape, completely dumbfounded. You were trying to think of something to say, something poetic and beautiful that would make him reconsider, but your brain was making dial-up noises trying to compute what he was saying, and suddenly all the words in the English language escaped you entirely.

“I’m sorry,” he said. And he shrugged.

You didn’t cry, which took an impressive level of self-control on your end. No, you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. If he wanted this, fine. If he felt nothing, fine. Then you felt nothing either.

Without a word, you went into the bedroom and threw some clothes into a bag. You grabbed your laptop. You walked into the bathroom to pack the essential toiletries.

Shayne didn’t move a muscle. He stood stock-still in the middle of your living space, staring at the place where you’d been sitting.

Finally, with your bag packed, you walked back into the living room and picked up your phone, keys, and wallet. You also tucked the book you’d been reading into your bag. “I’ll be back in a couple days to get the rest of my stuff,” you said. “You can keep all the furniture. Stay in the apartment if you want. I’m going to Carly’s.”

“That’s it?” he asked. He was staring at you, brows furrowed, voice strained.

You narrowed your eyes, confused and a little angry. “This is what you want, isn’t it? You just said that this isn’t working anymore. Am I supposed to fight? You want our last conversation to be a screaming match? I’ve been in this situation before, Shayne. There’s nothing I can say to change your mind. Better I leave now before we both say shit we regret.”

“I --” he began, but you were already gone.

“That was her ex,” you heard Carly say, and you realized that Piper had asked what was wrong. “He… well, there’s a lot of history there.”

Alexis and Piper both murmured sympathetically. You all had your share of shitty exes and love-related experiences; you’d all written your share of songs about it, that much was certain. Shayne was no exception there, but you were almost certain he didn’t know about your music. He had seemed just as surprised as you were when he saw you.

“Hey, sweetheart,” a new voice caused you to look up from your hunched position. Michelle, your manager, was standing there with a water bottle and a sympathetic look on her face. You took the water from her and smiled gratefully, not trusting your voice. “There are only a few fans left in line and then you’ve got some time between the photo op and mic check, okay?

“Maybe we should tell them that Y/N’s not feeling well --” Alexis began, but you held up a hand to stop her.

“I’m fine,” you said. You took a long drink of water and straightened up, put on a brave face. “I can tough it out through the last few groups. I will not disappoint people who paid money to see me, especially not over a boy.”

“That’s my girl,” Carly said, squeezing your arm before letting her hand drop back to her side. Michelle nodded and went to let the next group in. Matt the photographer reentered.

You smiled through the rest of the meet and greet, and it seemed like the fans were none the wiser. Finally, the last ones left and you felt your shoulders relax. You felt better now that some time had passed between seeing Shayne, still shaken up but far less nauseous.

“Mic check is at 6:30,” Michelle said once the last group was gone. “It’s just after six now so you’ve got a little under a half-hour to finish getting ready for the show. Take a breather, Y/N,” she said. You couldn’t help but laugh a little at that; Michelle was your manager, but she was also essentially the group’s mom while you guys were on the road. She kept you guys on schedule and on task, but always made sure your health was a priority as well. She was a godsend.

Carly, Alexis, and Piper led you back to the dressing room, where you immediately sank down into one of the armchairs in the back corner. It was half-hidden behind your costume rack, but that was alright; it was the most comfortable chair in the room, and you didn’t have to look at yourself in the mirror while you sat in it.

“I have an idea,” Carly said. You raised an eyebrow at the tone of her voice and the look on her face; that little smirk was never good. “Why don’t we sing Towers? You wrote it about him, didn’t you?”

You sighed. She was right; you had written a lot of songs about him, or at least with him in mind, and Towers was one of them. “I don’t know…” you said. On the one hand, it sounded really good. Towers was, in your opinion, one of the best songs you’d ever written, so you knew the fans would love it. And it was sort of a golden opportunity, right? When else would you get to sing one of the songs you’d written about him, one of the last songs you’d written about him, in a forum where you could be sure he’d hear it?

But on the other hand, it felt cruel. Your relationship had ended in fucking flames, but it hadn’t been entirely his fault. You had done things wrong, too, and it would be childish for you to ignore that. Besides, he had clearly moved on. You didn’t want to be the one dwelling on the past and singing a song from five years ago to a boy who was already ten miles past over you.

But on the other other hand, he’d probably never even heard the song before. He wouldn’t know that you specifically had written it, and he wouldn’t know that it was about him. Maybe singing it knowing he could hear would be the thing you needed to finally get closure. He didn’t have to actually know it was about him; you just had to convince yourself that he did. And then maybe your heart would finally put the years you’d spent together to rest. You took a deep breath.

“Okay,” you said. “When’s a good time to slot it in?”

The rest of the band giggled excitedly and began pitching ideas for when it would be the best time to sing the song. You did your best to settle your nerves, still frayed from seeing Shayne and now renewed with the idea of singing this song in front of him. But you were ready. In fact, you were excited.

You just hoped it didn’t blow up in your face.

***

Shayne was pretty sure his fucking lungs were collapsing.

Courtney was talking animatedly as she led him to their seats -- which were, of course, right up against the front of the stage -- but his brain wasn’t processing any of her words. He just mumbled his approval occasionally; yeah, the blonde’s outfit was really pretty, sure, they were all so nice. He desperately wanted to get out of this arena. He considered feigning a stomach ache and going home, but he’d feel like an asshole if he did. He certainly didn’t want to tell Courtney the truth for fear of ruining the concert (or, even worse, the band as a whole) for her. He had no way out; he’d have to suck it up and get through the concert. Once it was done, then he could go home and scream into his pillows to his hearts content.

He was so taken up by the whirlwind of emotions, thoughts, and memories running through his head that he almost slammed into Courtney as she stopped short, evidently having found their seats. He caught himself just in time to avoid hitting her, luckily, but not in time to avoid her noticing that something was up. “You okay?” she asked. Damn her and her perceptiveness.

“Uh, yeah,” he said. “Just, um… I’m gonna run to the bathroom. I’ll meet you back here.”

She nodded, and he barely even heard her little “okay” before he was walking quickly up the aisle toward the exit. He felt his throat spasming around tears and gritted his teeth against the sensation. He refused to cry. It had been years. He should’ve been over this.

He made his way toward the men’s bathroom and felt relief flood his system when he discovered it empty. He supposed it was still over an hour before the show started; the only people here were the arena crew, the band’s people, and the VIP ticket holders.

Shayne braced himself against the sink counter and gave himself a long, hard look in the mirror. All things considered, he looked alright. His eyes were a little red but he didn’t look like he’d been crying, and his breathing was coming a little more evenly now that he had the time to collect himself.

He just hadn’t been expecting to see you, that was all. It definitely wasn’t that some part of him was still in love with you, that he was kicking himself for letting you get away, and that seeing you in person had brought back every ounce of self-loathing over what had happened. No, it wasn’t that; he’d just been caught off guard. You had seemed pretty stricken yourself, if your widened eyes and shallow breathing had been any indication. His chest tightened at the notion that he may have caused you any anxiety or pain before you had to perform, especially on top of the damage he had already done so long ago.

Breathe, Shayne. Just breathe.

He nodded at himself in the bathroom mirror and went to rejoin Courtney. The whole time, he was desperately trying to convince himself that he would just enjoy the concert. He resolved to ignore the fact that it was you up there singing and dancing (and wearing an insanely revealing costume that hugged your curves in all the right places). He could still have fun.

He would still have fun.

[avas-inner-demons-are-babies]

With You Till The End

Ship: Ava X Noi

Summary: Ava has been dealing with some deeply-rooted fears lately, and it’s taking a toll on her sleeping habits. Luckily, Noi is here to save the day...or, night. 

A/N: Hey, babies first MID fic! X3 We’re kicking off with the first fic I ever completely finished for this series. Gotta appreciate a pair of flustered and clueless dummies in love, eh? Fair warning, this was little over 8 pages on a google doc, so its...longer, I think I can say? Regardless, I hope you guys enjoy!

------

“We’re leaving today.”

Crash

  “...what?”

Ava’s voice comes out as barely more than a breath, feeling as though she’s just been full-force punched in the stomach. Something inside her twists sharply and tightens. No way. She couldn’t have heard that right-

  “We have to leave.” Rhys’ voice repeats behind her, sounding almost...annoyed. Annoyed? Why would he be annoyed? What had she done wrong?

  “But-” She presses the heels of her hands into her already watering eyes. The words she’s looking for drift aimlessly in her head. Everything sounds like she’s hearing it from underwater, the violent rhythm of her heart becoming crashing waves that shake her to her core. “-but the magic crisis...and I thought...thought-”

  “You thought we’d sit around here any longer than we absolutely had to? Please,” It’s Leif’s voice now. Through clouded eyes, she can see him leering at her, “the crisis is over. There’s nothing else for us here.”

  “As Leif said.” Asch now. “I have a kingdom to return to. There’s no point in toying around here any longer.”

  “I-” Her throat seems to constrict to the point where she can hardly breath. She’s taking in air too hard, too fast. The world in her peripheral seems to darken. At first, she wonders if she’s going to faint again. But it isn’t a trick of the mind- around them, the world honestly and truly disappears, leaving them all stranded in an open and black void. And yet, they don’t react. The boys...her boys. They only stand there, staring at her. Under the pressure of their combined gaze, she fumbles, “Can’t you just...please, I don’t…….Pierce?”

The heavy frame of the somber man shifts towards her slightly, but he doesn’t even grace her with a glance. 

  “...Noi…?”

He, at least, looks at her. But she almost immediately wishes he hadn’t, because all she finds in his eyes is pity. 

  “Don’t make this harder than it has to be Princess Ava.” Rhys once again takes over, watching her with an eyebrow raised, “You didn’t actually think we would stay here forever did you? We do have our own lives to return to.”

  “Please...I’m sorry, but please- please don’t go!” She cries out.

But her words fall on deaf ears. Already they’ve turned away, taking their first steps deeper into the empty expanse. Beginning to leave her. Beginning to disappear forever.

  “No-! Wait!” She tries to call out to them. Tries to convince them to turn back. But all of a sudden, she can’t. It’s as if all the air has been sucked from her lungs. All that she can force out is a desperate heaving as she sprints after them, screaming muted pleas. “I don’t want to be alone again!”

Running in a swimming pool. That’s what Ava is reminded of as she’s putting all of her force into growing even a step closer to their receding figures. Her feet slip against the ground as if there is no friction at all. In fact, she realizes, she not only isn’t moving forward; in actuality, she’s being dragged back. A cold, unbreakable force seems to wrap itself around her entire body. It draws her farther and farther into the now rippling floor, and panic seems to emanate from her very soul, warping the air around her. Still, she can’t seem to tear hear eyes away from the small specks in the distance that were once her only company- no, her only friends. In her distress, it takes her a moment to hear the sound of someone calling her name. 

  “Ava..? Ava. Ava!” It seems to echo from every direction of the inky blackness. She sucks in a breath to beg for help, but the quicksand beast has already swallowed her up to her ears. The voice calls again, its alarm seeming to mimic her own, “Ava! Ava wake up!”

Another moment passes and then...she does. 

Ava wakes up to her dark, October night-chilled room, opening her eyes to find the familiar white ceiling staring back at her. Through instinct alone she sucks in a rapid breath of the stale air. Her fingers ache, and, upon realizing that she has been clawing deep into the mattress, she relaxes them, embracing the pins and needles that shoot along their tips as the blood flow returns. Something tickles down along her cheeks, and it doesn’t take her long to work out that it's the same hot and salty tears she’d been shedding in her dream. Not dream. Nightmare. A single hiccup escapes her before she can regain control over her emotions. And when she finally does, she pushes herself up with nothing more than a sigh. 

  “Another one. This is happening way too often to be healthy.” 

  “...Ava?”

A gentle voice falling out from the space beside her causes Ava to jump and gasp. She turns her head towards a silhouetted figure next to her, rose pink eyes squinting as her vision adjusts to the lightless room. Eventually, she’s able to make out a figure whose general presence allows her a wave of reassurance. She breathes out softly.

  “Oh, it’s you Noi.”

As she says it, the curtains are drifted apart by a draft, and for just a brief moment a bit of moonlight is able to creep in and catch on the Daemos’ horns. They light up into a faint, watery orange glow; one that remains for several beats even after the light is gone, dimming like a dying ember.  Still sifting through the haze of sleep, Ava finds herself spacing out, staring at them with consideration.

Noi, with his enhanced vision in the dark, takes full notice of her line of focus, and feels his face heat up in the way that has become so familiar to him as of late. 

  “U-uhm...Princess Ava? Are you alright?”

  “Hm? Oh! I-I uh-!” Blinking and snapping back to reality, the ravenette, in realizing what she’d done, suddenly becomes invested in a loose piece of fuzz, “S-sorry. I’m okay.”

  “But-”

  “Really Noi, I’m fine!” She flinches as she cuts him off. As if that wasn’t the most telling reaction ever. Still, she tries to show him a reassuring grin, hoping to throw him off the subject, “Hey uh, not to be rude, but why are you even in my room? Were you watching me sleep or something?

The throws in a small chuckle for effect at the end, but from what facial features she can make out- and the poorly muffled gasp that escapes him- she’d pretty much hit the mark. Part of her says she should be angry, but beneath the cover of darkness she really can’t help but to give in to the small twitch at the edge of her lips. She’d be lying if she said that she doesn't appreciate the boys checking in on her. 

  “I’m sorry!” Noi squeaks out nervously, “I didn’t mean to go against your orders, I just like to-to make sure you’re alright sometimes, and I just h-happened to be in here when you started talking in while you were sleeping, and-and at first I was just going to leave, but then…” Here, his flow of words seems to begin failing him. Ava tilts her head in a silent encouragement. After a few seconds, he continues, albeit much more composed than before, “...then you started crying. I didn’t really know what to do...the tee-vee mentor says that humans cry when they are sad, and I don’t...I didn’t want you to be sad. I thought maybe if I woke you up…”

As Noi trails off for a final time, Ava feels something in her chest wrench. He’d been worried about her. He’s still worried. 

  “Of course he is. He’s Noi. He worries more than all of the others combined it seems.”

And yet she can’t seem to find anything to say that might help ease his fretting. How do you explain a nightmare to someone who believes that dreams themselves are merely a source of magic? And even more so than that, how could she possibly admit what said nightmare was about? She won’t do it. She won’t tell him something that would certainly either drive him away or guilt him into staying. It just wouldn’t be fair. And yet, isn’t it even more unfair to leave him wondering? To look him in the eyes and lie after he was so kind?

Ava just doesn’t know. 

And as an unintentional result of her inner conflict, she ends up just sitting there, silent and unreadable. Once again, she’d spaced out staring at Noi. The poor daemos fidgets under her silent scrutiny, watching as- unnoticed by Ava- her brows furrow together in deep thought. He immediately assumes that she’s going to kill him, and currently she’s only deciding on how. Why else would she seem so conflicted? But to his slowly settled confusion, she never says a word. Never even responds. Now it's his turn to frown.

  “Do you...want me to leave?” He asks timidly. 

The mild echo of her passed horror is enough to shock her out of her struck-stupid state. Panic strikes like a hot iron, and her hand jerks forward on the bed sheet, not quite making a grab for his wrist, but landing very close to where his own lies. A far to loudly yelped “No!” escapes her before she can quiet it. Her own voice seems to bounce violently off the walls of the room. Before it even fades, her cheeks flare up, and she wishes she could just curl up and pass out right then.

  “N-no.” She repeats in a much weaker tone, “Please don’t...I mean, y-you don’t have to. If-If you want to y-you can of course!” Her own nervous laugh here makes her wince,”Bu-but uhm, I was just-I mean-ugh, sorry. I was just thinking about...things.”

  “What kind of things?”

  “Dammit! Why would I say that?” 

  “Oh, uh-uh...well it was uhm…” She gives an unconvincing cough, buying herself a few precious moments to concoct a lead-away. “You said earlier that you heard me talking in my sleep right?”

  “Hm, oh yeah?”

  “W-what did you hear me say?”

Perfect. That should be enough to keep him nearby for a little while. Tension eases from her body as he seems to settle back again into his place next to her. And perhaps her mind and the night is playing tricks on her, but Ava could swear that he’d come back just a little bit closer than he had been before. At the very least, she now is much more aware of the mere foots length of distance between them. 

  “Well…” He starts, facing down at the bed with careful thoughtfulness, “I really couldn’t make out much. A lot of what I heard was just you yelling the same few words over and over again.”

  “And those words were..?”

Now his eyes come to her, gleaming with worry.

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “That was most of it. No and please wait. And you...you said the others’ names a couple of times, but a lot of the time you were calling out for me. At first you just sounded really scared. But then you started crying and I felt really sad for some reason. So that’s why I…”

  “...why you woke me up.”

He nods. Both human and daemos seem to slip into a momentary loss of words as an air of unspoken emotions surrounds them. Noi never once releases Ava’s gaze, causing any sense of proper thought she might have had fizzle out like a sparkler dipped in water. He clearly wants an explanation. Even more so, he deserves one. But she still can’t bring herself to answer his unspoken question. Would he judge her? Surely not...surely empathetic Noi would at least feign understanding.

Wouldn’t he?

  “I’m sorry.” She ends up whispering lamely. 

She fully expects him to try and leave again. And she’s sure that, despite her fears, she’ll let him go this time. Forcing him to stay again would only be cruel- especially considering he doesn’t even know why he’s here now.

What she certainly doesn’t expect is the feeling of his warm and gentle hand coming to lay atop her own. As he links their fingers together, Ava can imagine her face being the physical portrayal of an error screen, and she gives a mild squeak. 

  “I don’t like it when you cry Ava.”

Whether it was his intention or not, with that one sentence he manages to completely shatter the emotional dam.

A hard lump forms in Ava’s throat that becomes impossible to swallow away, and it gives way to the hiccups that begin bubbling their way to the surface. Those same tears from before- which had sat poised at the corners of her eyes for some time now- now spill over in fast-falling drops. They trace paths down her cheeks and paint her lips with their salty taste. Before she can even comprehend what she’s done, Ava has fallen those few meager inches forward into Noi, who uses one hand to brace himself up against the mattress as her weight nearly pushes him down. Her arms latch around his neck, and she buries her face into his shoulder. Suddenly, all of her previous terror and sadness and grief is escaping her in heavy sobs. For a few seconds, he’s startled and tense. But then he shifts their combined weight so that- following through with an instinct he never would have guessed he had- he can return her embrace. With one hand, he rubs comforting circles into her back as she gathers her breath for an admission. 

  “You all were leaving me.” She says finally, “You-hic- you didn’t even look back. You s-hic-aid there was nothing for you h-hic-hi-ere. Like I didn’t-hic-didn’t mean anything to you, and I just…” She pauses through a series of shuddering breaths, “I’m just so scared of being alone again.”

The soothing motion on her back quick halt as she feels him twitch beneath her. Ever so quietly, so far under his breath, he mutters something almost angrily. Something she can’t make out through her whimpers and sore-throated coughs. He moves slowly beneath her, not pushing her away, but instead trying to bring her in closer. And through a bit of shuffling on both of their parts, they eventually end up fitted together like two slightly awkward puzzle pieces. Curled up against Noi, with her head tucked carefully beneath his chin, Ava wraps her arms around her stomach to make it easier for him to envelop her in a strong and protective grasp. To anyone who might have seen them, they would have found him cradling her, almost like one would a child. She- although still sniffling- is now more preoccupied with being overwhelmed by the rapid beating of her own heart and the dizzying heat that spreads over her face than any fear that still simmered within her. It doesn’t stop her from gripping tightly to his shirt; although at this point, neither of them could move away if they wanted to. Not that that’s the case by any means. 

Pressing her cheek to his chest, she can feel his own uneven rhythm.

  “You won’t be.” He murmurs determinedly into her ear, awakening goosebumps across her skin, “I promise. I’ll never leave you for as long as I live.”

  “But...what about Daemos? Don’t you have to go back soon?” She asks warily.

  “You are more important to me than any position on Daemos.”

A small part of Ava wants to warn against believing him. But being wrapped up the way she is; hearing the way he speaks that promise-as though he’s swearing this to himself as much as he is her- she can’t help but trust that sort of finality. A powerful, electric sort of feeling blossoms in her chest and spreads across her body, and it takes her a moment to recognize it as love. Pure, unfiltered love. It encompasses every inch of her, inside and out, causing her heart to swell. It overtakes her. It controls her. 

It controls her as she slowly pulls her head back to gaze up into Noi’s amber-lit eyes. Controls her as her fingers unclutch from his shirt and splay out across his pounding chest. Controls her as her hands snake back up around his neck, just as they had been before. Except now, there is no sadness. No fear. No tears. Just love, pushing her on as she tries to bring his face down towards her own. 

And she isn’t the only one it’s driving. 

As Noi gives and brings their foreheads together, he’s nearly shaking with emotion. He’d never felt this much...well, anything before. For anyone. The entire realm of feeling had just flown past any possible expectations he could have had. One of his hands comes up to gingerly...so, so gingerly trace down her cheek and across her jaw, before coming down to cup her chin. There it lingers, holding her like one might hold a priceless artifact that they’re afraid to break. Meaning drifts between them just as the moon’s rays drift in the space before Earth- in a confident, dancing sort of way.

  “Ava…” Noi breathes shakily.

Nose to nose now, they both close their eyes in anticipation. 

  “Thank you.”

The words hardly have a breath’s moment to fall from Ava’s lips before she presses them to Noi’s. 

She starts off patiently, giving him plenty of time to move away if he were ever going to. But he doesn’t, which is the best sort of sign she could ever hope to receive. That is until he takes it upon himself to deepen the kiss; or caress, although the human definition of that term is also needed at the moment, so perhaps kiss will do. With the hand under her chin, Noi’s thumb continues to brush against and caress Ava’s skin. The one that had been resting on her back now pushes them more tightly together. If life were a movie, then this would be the scene where small fireworks erupt into the air behind them. 

It has to have only lasted a few seconds, but when Ava falls away the surging feeling in her stomach certainly doesn’t. So close now, she can make out the mystified expression on his face when their eyes open. Briefly, she feels utterly ashamed for letting her emotions get the better of her, and she wishes she could just curl back up into his arms and die. Her eyes drop from his face and fixate on the small line of light sneaking into the room from beneath the curtains. It’s the unique yellow-grey that comes with the first hints of sunrise. Dawn will be here soon enough. 

She figures she should say something...anything really. Her attention flickers back to him, only to find that he still stares at her with the same wonder-struck expression. 

  “Noi?” He jerks to attention as she tentatively calls out to him. She recognizes that he’d been lost in his own thoughts, “I’m sorry, I- EEP!”

Instead of finishing her apology, Ava instead ends up giving a startled yelp. Noi, now snapped out of whatever trance he’d been in, has suddenly thrown himself backwards into Ava’s pile of pillows, taking Ava, still held tightly in his arms, down with him. Her eye’s squeeze shut as they fall the short distance into the feathery mess, and when she opens them again the first thing she sees is his beaming expression. Before she can even raise a question, she’s cut off by a sudden onslaught of nuzzles from her most beloved carrot-top, who proceeds to laugh boyishly to himself. Beneath the shower of affection, Ava can feel doubt get high-kicked from her soul and is immediately replaced with a happy sense of amused confusion. Soon, she finds herself unable to fight back her own wave of bubbly giggles. 

  “N-Noi!” She chirps between bouts of laughter. After a moment, she’s able to bring his violent snuggling to a pause by once again pressing their foreheads together. Nose scrunched and smiling, she asks, “What are you doing?”

  “I’m not sure!” He twitters back, not at all deterred by this fact, “I’m just really happy!”

Ava has to admit that she too is in a pretty fantastic mood at this point. All of her previous frights are impossible to recall when right here, right now, she has Noi. Noi, whose uncontainable joy is coaxing forth all of her favorite feelings. Noi, who even now is trying to cuddle her into oblivion. Noi, who cares for her so much that he woke her up from a nightmare despite the fact that (he believes) it could have gotten him killed- just because he couldn’t stand to see her cry. 

All the love that floods her petite frame makes her wonder how she doesn’t just burst on the spot. 

  “You know what?” She finally whispers, planting a quick peck on his cheek, “Me too.”

She feels him give a slight gasp as she steals his lips one more time, just for a moment. And in the next moment, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, she’s curled up against his side, her head resting on his shoulder. When he lifts up a hand to comb through her hair, she finds herself sinking into a deep, coddled, and sleepy sort of feeling. She does try to fight it for a few minutes, but in her defense, she hasn’t slept very well tonight, and the fast-pumping adrenaline that had fueled her up until now is beginning to transform. It molds and reshapes itself into something lovely and heavy. Something that weighs down her limbs and drops her focus into a velvety haze. Tucking her chin to her chest, she manages to whisper:

  “I love you.”

The last thing she remembers is a kiss being pressed to the top of her head. Then, she allows herself to drift off to sleep under the cover of his faithful watch. 

Had she lasted just a few beats more, she might have heard his reply. 

  “I love you too Ava.”

***

(Two Hours Later)

In the earliest part of morning, Noi finds himself still lying half-awake on Ava’s bed, staring down at the sleeping human in his arms. In truth, he’d tried to sneak away not long after she’d falled asleep, simply out of fear for the others finding them in such a compromising position. However, she had been- and still was- clinging so tightly to him that he couldn’t think of a way to do so without waking her. Which was the last thing he wants to do. And, if he’s being honest with himself, he doesn’t care much what the others might think of him. In his mind, all of tonight was a far greater achievement than he could ever be brought down from.

Watching her molten dark hair move in slight shifts and falls around her with every slowly rising breath, he’s filled with some feeling. The same strange new feeling he’s been experiencing for the better half of the night. Thinking in Daemos terms, he reasons that there isn’t really a proper word for it. So much more powerful than the human word ‘affection’, and yet not exactly the same as ‘love’. Although, that is certainly present as well, lingering in the background of this nameless emotion.

  “Maybe,” he ponders, “it's something I just haven’t learned yet.”

He hopes that to be the case because, he’s decided, he wants to try and understand all the strange sensations he’s been having since he arrived on Earth. They’re far too overwhelming to ignore at this point. And he fully plans to stay true to his word. He won’t leave Ava behind in the end. If that makes him an outcast to his own kind, then so be it. He’ll fight whoever he needs to, if only to stay by her side. 

Because he never wants her to feel afraid or alone. Never again.                                                     

[flightofaqrow]

old friend

qrow + Glynda ( @professor-goodwitch​ ) [VOL 8 AU: Inner Circle Jailbreak]

qrow’s not sure where Glynda came from, why, or how she seems to know more about what’s going on than even he can piece together after it all, but. it’s okay. probably. it’s probably going to be okay. 

brothers, his body and soul have never felt heavier in his life.

he can’t deny it’s about all he can ask for to see an old friend right now - a familiar face, alive and well and willing to stand on his side. 

“Glynda,” he gruffs, “…thanks.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“ Get some rest, Qrow. I know recent events had you exhausted. I made sure our hide out is well protected and hidden.”

It was a surprise to see Glynda here helping Qrow and his companion Robyn out of Atlas’ vehicle. She knew for herself that he had nothing to do with that murder unless it was absolutely necessary. He didn’t even have to explain nor did Robyn.

All Glynda wanted to know was what happened to Atlas and James, but that can wait.

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qrow’s not sure where Glynda came from, why, or how she seems to know more about what’s going on than even he can piece together after it all, but. it’s okay. probably. it’s probably going to be okay. brothers, his body and soul have never felt heavier in his life. “…yeah. sure.” he takes her up on the offer and leans up against the wall, willing himself to even sink into it, phase out of existence for just a few moments.

but he can’t deny it’s about all he can ask for to see an old friend right now. a familiar face, alive and well and willing to stand on his side. 

“Glynda,” he gruffs, “…thanks.”

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Glynda would peek out of the worn down windows of their hideout and didn’t spot any Atlas shoulders. Robyn had silently offered to be on watch so the huntress could catch up with her old friend. She nods at her then walked back to Qrow who sunk on to the wall.

“ No problem. It’s.. good to see you Qrow.” She sighed and would go to a pile of compressed haystack taking a seat on it.

“ I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m here..” She said, patting down on some dust on her pants.

“ I heard about the incident at Haven Academy and immediately I knew they were going after the relic so.. I went to Atlas in hopes to retrieve the other one. However, it seems James has turned his back on everyone.”

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qrow had a lot of people to thank once the dust settled. eyes draw back from staring at nothing in particular to focus on Glynda, “…same.”

actually, he wonders more how she got here with the borders still closed than why. why seemed pretty obvious. he takes a deep breath and crosses his arms over a depressing chest as he lets it out. time to get back to work. next steps. no time for huntsmen to grieve, at least, not until the job is done.

“well, he turned his back on Mantle, that’s for damn sure. cut off our scroll communication right when everything started. i don’t know what’s happened in the cities since the declaration. or with the relic. or the kids. an’ i have no idea what he’s thinking or why, apart from what i assume is some bullshit martyr complex nonsense. never got the chance to talk. …but things are past reasonin’ at this point, anyway.”

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“As sad as it seems, I predicted this from James even back at Beacon. His whole military coming to the Vytal Festival, showcase of military and the council granting him seats.” She took a deep breath shaking his head. “ I can guess he’s lost his heart and.. mind. But, fear can do that to you. It’s just the way how you handle it and I bet James didn’t know how to.”

Glynda would start up a small flame to keep them warm. “ Talking to James would be difficult at this point… At least when you do. I’ll try to reason with him with all of this madness but– a punch to his face can wait.” She wasn’t exactly intending on ‘verbally’ reasoning with him.

“ I just find it upsetting after preaching about ‘unity’ and ‘working together’ with Mantle, he just turns his back the moment a bigger threat showed up.” She sighed, looking at the flame then back at Qrow. “ His fear will consume him sooner or later.”

“But.. pressing matters at hand, we need to help out Mantle..”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“yeah, well. all the ‘i told ya so’s in Remnant ain’t changin’ the situation, Glyn,” he chides in a low rasp. sharp features find their edges amid grief, but he directs their focus more into the fire than at his friend. surely, some of that was about getting thoughts off her own chest more than being heard.

and she’s not the only one looking to take him down with more than words once they get a handle on all this and find the overgrown tin can.

right. one thing at a time. like most of his thoughts must be right now. one card building each base of a castle, lest trying to have too many at once make it all come crashing down around him again.

he sits up, finally, leaning towards warmth and flickering, distracting lights. “how is mantle holding up so far? any new reports come in?”

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He was right, nothing was really going to change the situation no matter the ‘What If’s’ they had. Glynda just found herself frustrated after leaving Beacon only to find that Mantle had been cut off by Atlas. James was a man of ‘protection’, ‘security’ but ‘power’ as well and it’s upsetting he had fallen into a pit where he may not possibly get up anymore.

She took a look at her scroll, seeing the alert of all the Wanted huntsmen. Sure enough, Qrow was there along with her other former students. “ It seems you really pissed off James if he’s turning you all in but of course, he’s losing his mind like his heart.”

She sighed tapping onto her scroll looking at the live feed of everything. Her eyes looking at the dark clouds lurking. “.. I don’t think Mantle will hold up any longer. Salem is about to arrive.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

she’s catching up with this whole damn emotional roller-coaster just like he’s trying to catch up with the past day or so. both hands run through his hair with the same frustration before he gives the fire the thousand yard stare again, “tch. he’d only be pissed if he cared. nah. s’just like Robyn says. all he wants is t’have us outta his way.”

hands clench between his knees, “well, that ain’t happenin’.”

he pulls his scroll out for the first time since it has been returned to him. a bunch of missed calls flood the screen, so someone must have gotten them working again, and he has maybe two guesses who. not that it matters when he still can’t really answer anyone.

“so Salem’s right at our doorstep and we’re squabblin’ among ourselves just like she wants. this is bad. this is really bad.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“ He’s lost his mind and heart if arresting all of you is his solution to get what he wants. I’ll have to remind him that the half of his body can easily be destroyed if I deem it to be useless.” Her tone seemed calm yet dangerous considering she actually WAS capable of tearing him apart with her semblance. Glynda’s often level-headed when it came to frustrating situations but this was one of the rare occasions she’d serious about using violence to knock someone back into reality.

Glynda glanced at Qrow for a moment. His body language immediately told her he’d been through a lot and she was too afraid to ask him about it fearing it might shake his thoughts and emotions.

That wasn’t the priority anyway, it was the danger that has arrived in Mantle. Salem.

“ Fighting Salem head on is a suicide mission but if we wait for her to land in Mantle then it’ll cease to exist in a matter of hours.” Glynda sighed. “ ..And judging by the clouds, she brought a whole army of Grimm to get what she wants.”

“ We need to move soon. I’m sure you’re worried about Ruby and the others. It’s best to rendezvous with them because we need all the help we can get if we want to save Mantle.”

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usual memories of Glynda store as her putting things back together. often messes he’d created himself. in a single moment of emphasizing her ability to just as easily tear things apart, she reminds qrow of how terrifying a woman she really is. he can’t say the image of James severed right down the middle doesn’t jolt him out of his thoughts, and bring some shred of solace. it’d serve him right.

looking up meets the emerald fire in her eyes, sizzling slow and controlled.

right, one step at a time.

hands cup around his face as he thinks. this’ll be the most difficult battle they’ve faced yet. and that’s saying something. “i’m more worried about all the grimm than Salem. her track record shows more’a desire to control humanity than exterminate it. unlike those beasts’a hers.”

arms then fall to his lap with the mention of Ruby and her friends. his family. but now also huntresses and hunters in their own right. “Glyn, the kids… Ironwood issued ‘em their license before it all went down. ‘course i’m thinkin’ of them, but they can hold their own. have been for awhile now. if our scrolls are workin’ we can get in touch. it…,” it twists in his gut as if the words are food poisoning themselves, “it might be best if we all spread out throughout the city. besides, this is too important to…”

he turns away again, shuts his eyes and tries to force out the image still imprinted behind eyelids of blood …so much blood, “well, they might be better off without me around for this.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━���━

“ Salem creates the grimm herself and anytime she can procure a unit of grimm to ambush any parts of the city if the numbers dwindle. But… if we leave the grimm be, the civilians will suffer in their hands.” Glynda sighed feeling a little conflicted about how they’ll proceed.

Everything was coming too fast, Salem’s arrival, grimm already infesting Mantle, Ironwood cutting off Atlas and Mantle and everything else.

Her attention wavered though when Qrow mentioned licenses were handed to them. “ that seems bold of James to give them their licenses that early but… with the conflict, can you really tell them to sit down for a class?” She tried sounding sarcastic for a moment but knew the situation was too dire to insert that in.

“ Sounds like your niece and her friends have really evolved into huntsmen and huntresses at such a young age. Though.. spreading out would be a good idea if we’re going to hold off and protect Mantle from multiple points..”

His last sentence though, worried her. “ Qrow? Why do you think that? What made you possibly think that they’re better off without you? And I’m certain that’s not because of your semblance..” Glynda’s well aware of his semblance being a key factor in putting the kids in danger but he was right– they were capable of taking care of themselves yet.. there seems to be more.

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lids stay screwed shut; qrow’s head shakes in the smallest arc side to side, processing what Glynda says, meshing it with what he thinks. his palm aches to hold a drink that would help slow it all down. but he’s done with that, and they’re out of time, and it does him no good to be dulled.

and he doesn’t really know the answer. qrow’s vision only goes so far as giving his report and insight, and Glynda or Robyn can decide how to manage from there. they’re better suited to delegate orders, and maybe qrow might just follow along until he can break off and run his own vendetta mission alone like always, because more than ever he knows he’s not meant for a partner, and has always known he was never really cut out to be a leader.

even the voice in his head is hardly his own.

with the conflict, can you really tell them to sit down for a class?

that finally earns Glynda a turn to her direction again, dark brows lifting to rest on his face in a soft and wistful way. she makes an inappropriate comment, and qrow lives for inappropriate. it’s downright refreshing from her.

qrow shrugs, tilts his head down to accentuate a coy glance up, a glint of hope returning to red eyes, “heh. you know, Oz would say he’s glad you still have a sense of humor in alla this.”

one moment of lighter breath, and then it’s gone - just like the man mentioned and a solid chunk of qrow’s affection for him; expression sours as hands come down harsh on his knees.

“so you must be joking.”

she’s certain it’s not his semblance. she’s got to be kidding! how can anyone be certain? qrow sure as hell can’t ever seem to tell when and how and who Misfortune hits the worst!

he leans in, frowns and furrows lining frustration into his face, but he speaks more haggard than rough, “of course i mean my semblance, Glyn. this ain’t a single man brawl or bust ‘em up rescue mission! there’s too many lives on the line! …we can’t afford any mishaps. …I work better from the sidelines and the shadows, we both know that.”

[et-lesailes]

controversy

pairing: chris evans x reader

themes: light angst

word count: 1670

summary: dating chris evans while being a celebrity yourself, you are strongly encouraged to make choices that will benefit your public image. when chris’ latest movie tanks with the critics, your manager insists that one of these choices be breaking up with him.

taglist: @viarogers, @evanstush, @chibi-crazy, @chalamet-evans, @world-of-losers,@songforhema  @sebabestianstan101 @tanyam93 @b-val1@wonderwinchester@little-miss-exo​ @poerebel @bitchbabes-world @gogomez-509

note: requested by @immajustreadwritereblog // thank you for waiting, love! i actually really liked this request because i have a lot of strong feelings and opinions on the rsdr drama and so i had a lot of muse writing this. also, to anyone reading this- if you’re like me and hate sad endings (yes i’m a hypocrite for hating them yet writing one anyways ok i know), let me know if you’d like to see a part 2 ;)

** please send an ask if you would like to be added to my taglist of any chris evans related fics!

You sighed as your eyes skimmed what felt like the thirtieth article you were receiving via text that day, too tired and upset to properly read it. Your manager was spamming you with messages, insisting you call her, but you did not have the strength. You knew everything she was going to tell you; you had been in the business long enough to know how it all worked. It was no secret that the Hollywood life was twisted underneath all of the extravagant parties, lavish mansions and penthouse homes, and exotic vacations. You and your boyfriend weren’t very caught up in that life, anyways-- the two of you were much more simple, enjoying your time in your apartment with his dog, Dodger, and taking trips to visit his family in Boston-- nothing grandiose. Unfortunately, that did not mean you could avoid the gossip, scandal, and pressure that came from being a celebrity.

“Break up with him. You can get back together with him later, when this all blows over, but you can’t afford bad publicity right now. Not with your new movie coming up.”

You’ve read the message from your manager over and over again, feeling disgusted for several reasons. Not just from her suggestion, but because of the fact that this is the life you’re associated with. You chose this life, you chose to deal with these consequences.

You closed your eyes for a few seconds before finally looking at the article more properly. “Netflix’s Red Sea Diving Resort gives Chris Evans a white savior complex,” the title blared, making your eyebrows furrow in annoyance. However, the current problem in your relationship was not because of your image potentially getting ruined due to being in a relationship with the man now surrounded by controversy.

The current problem was that ever since the movie and its negative reviews, Chris had been a different person. The man who used to be constantly smiling, joking around, and showering you with love and affection 24/7 was now far more reserved and quiet, his eyes having lost their slightly mischievous twinkle. You completely understood. As an actress, you knew how difficult it was to be passionate about a project only to have it completely tank; it was especially difficult for Chris because of how hard on himself he was. He was selective with the roles he played-- he picked the ones that stood out to him, that meant something to him rather than going for anything that would give him more fame and success. You remembered how intrigued he had been by Red Sea Diving Resort when he had first heard of the idea, you remembered how excited he was to learn of the conflict and culture and how he hoped he could bring more awareness and meaning to it on the screen. You completely understood why he would act differently, and you understood why he might be slightly distracted from your relationship.

But it had been nearly an entire month since the movie was released, and you still felt as though you hadn’t had a proper conversation with your boyfriend in the same amount of time. You were not exactly happy about this; as his girlfriend, you wanted Chris to be able to communicate with you, to be able to let you help him when he was struggling. You were understanding in the beginning, but it was becoming too much now. You did not want to break up with him for the sake of your image, but rather for the sake of your own sanity. You missed having your best friend, but if he was not going to let you be his best friend, then did you have a choice?

One more chance.

You decided you would give him one more chance. Whether you were doing this to be fair or because you couldn’t let go, you didn’t know, but you didn't want to think about it deeper.

He walked into the apartment back from the gym and you looked up, your heart already stinging. In the past, he would have come straight to you, scooping you up roughly in his arms only to playfully bounce you around and tell you something silly along the lines of, “I like using you for lifting much better than weights, baby girl!” But now, he just came over with a mumbled hello, giving you a somewhat distracted kiss on the head before going into the bedroom.

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to be patient. Coming over to the bedroom, you asked gently, “How was the gym?”

“Hm? Oh, it was good.”

“What’d ya work on today?”

“Oh, just arms and abs. Nothing special.”

“Are you free tonight? Maybe we could go out, get dinner or ice cream or something, it’s been a while…”

“Ah, I really wish I could babe, but I’m kind of tired today. I’m probably going to call it a night pretty early. But you should go out with some friends or something, maybe see if--”

“Are you serious, Chris?”

You finally snapped, nothing but misery and annoyance in your eyes as you looked at him. He blinked, clearly more concerned now as he straightened up from where he had been lounging on the bed. “What, baby?” he asked with a frown, and you scoffed, feeling tears stinging at your eyes simply from all the built up stress and frustration from the past month. “Are you really that oblivious? You’re seriously blind to the fact that we’ve practically been nothing more than roommates these days? When’s the last time you’ve even kissed me and meant it?”

He sighed deeply, running his fingers through his hair. “Look, you know it’s nothing to do with you. I’ve just been feeling a little stressed lately. The media’s really been killing me over here, doll.”

If he had told you this a couple of weeks ago, you would have felt sympathy, but not now. “The media’s been killing you for four weeks now, Chris, and I get it. It sucks. But I’m your girlfriend, you’re allowed to vent to me about this stuff, you’re allowed to tell me how you feel! Do you really think shutting yourself in like this and keeping quiet is going to do anything? You used to be so open with me, does that need to change because of a setback?” You sat down next to him, trying to blink back tears; you hated that you cried when you were angry, it really took away from trying to take charge of the situation. “We’re actors, Chris. This kind of thing happens, you know that. And it’s awful, and it makes us feel crappy, but we’re in it together now. You’ll bounce back from this because you’re an amazing and talented actor and you have fans who know that.” You sniffed as you looked away, talking softly, “You have every right to be upset about the situation. But you had no right to toss me aside in the process.” He seemed heartbroken as he listened to you, which only hurt you even more, but you ignored it as you stood up.

“Did you know my manager’s been nagging me to dump you for the past few weeks? Because of how Red Sea Diving Resort turned out?” You scoffed bitterly as you looked away, crossing your arms over your chest. “I could never, ever break up with you for something so shallow. You mean way more to me than some dumb Rotten Tomatoes review. But this, Chris? Ignoring me, shutting me out, wallowing in your self pity-- I think these things are all pretty good reasons as to why I should listen to my manager and end it.” You knew your words were harsh, but perhaps that was what he needed. A slap in the face, like reality often dealt out.

You looked back to him. He was quiet, there was pain  in his eyes. You waited, but he did not say anything. Making a soft noise of disappointment and disgust, you turned around, going into the closet and grabbing a bag, starting to throw clothes inside. This seemed to stir something within him; he immediately stood up with wide eyes, coming over and taking hold of your shoulders. “Baby, please. No. Fuck, I-- fuck, babe, I’m sorry. I’m so, so fucking sorry. You’re completely right.” He turned you around so that you were facing him, nothing but guilt and sorrow in his blue orbs. “And I should have realized it earlier. I don’t know what got into me baby, I’ve just been so damn worked up over this, everything else slipped away…”

His apology meant a lot, but you still couldn’t help but feel betrayed from all the built up tension. “And what if it’s too late for an apology?” you whispered, looking up at him with tears in your eyes. “What if the damage has been done?”

He looked down at you, his own eyes tearing up as he shook his head. “Please. No. No, baby, don’t leave me, I’m done sulking, I’m done being a fucking baby about this. I didn’t even fucking realize how bad it was, I know that sounds dumb but I was so caught up in all of the Red Sea shit. I know that’s not an excuse, but please, please baby, forgive me..”

You took a deep breath, wiping at your eyes. “I need some time, Chris, you really hurt me over the past month. I’ve made the mistake of giving the wrong people a second chance, and I need to think about if you’re the right person.” You could feel your heart tear apart as you saw a tear roll down his cheek; standing on your tiptoes, you wiped his tears as you kissed his cheek. “I’ll call you, alright? I.. I still love you, Chris. I just need time.”

With that, you took your packed bag and walked out of the apartment, forcing yourself not to look back at the love of your life’s face.

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

starker=> “What if they find us?”and “They’re not looking anyway.”

I’ll Keep You (Dirty Secrets)

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark Rating: Mature (M) Word Count: 4.8K Notes: I made up a totally different canon universe and that was a lot of fun - thanks for the fun prompt, nonnie! Warning: NSFW things, crazy canon divergence Summary: 

Peter is the most surprised to see Tony Stark on his couch not because it’s Tony Stark, but because they hadn’t agreed to see each other when he left the older man’s house a few hours ago. 

Or: What if Peter Parker is college age and dating Tony Stark during the events of Civil War? 

do the thing, send in all the prompts 

The last thing Peter expected to walk in and find after his 3PM Thermodynamics class was Tony Stark sitting on his couch with May.

The surprise didn’t come from Tony himself – he left Tony’s place a few hours ago to make sure he got to class on time. When he walked him to the door, Tony never mentioned anything about coming over and choking down his aunt’s fig-nut bread and smiling innocently at him like they’d never even seen each other before. Shaking his head, Peter walked into the kitchen to collect himself.

When he turned back around, there was a surprised look on his face. “May, what’s going on?” Peter asked, his eyes wide. Turning to look at Tony, Peter did his best not to smile – “Hi, hi – I’m Peter, Peter Parker.” He did a ridiculous little wave, then looked back and forth between the two “adults” in the room.

Finally getting behind the protection of his thin bedroom door, Peter slapped a hand to his mouth and let out the laugh he’d been holding in since he walked through the door. Tony looked at him affectionately, his plump lips slipping into a beaming smile. “That went much better than I expected,” Tony admitted. He closed the gap between them and pulled Peter into a brief kiss. “I needed you to be surprised. We’ve got to head to Germany – it’s about to get real, Pete.”

Wrapping his arms tightly around Tony’s hips, Peter kept him close. For the past couple of weeks, Peter walked into the penthouse to a very irate Tony. Though he hadn’t wanted to get himself or Spider-Man involved just yet, Peter knew he wouldn’t be kept away for long. Steve Rogers was at odds with Tony and the conflict was slowly coming to a head. The crazy suit Tony put together for him a few months ago would finally get to see some action worthy of its excellence.

Tony’s well-crafted plan to get him away from Queens for however long it took to finish things, worked like a charm – May kissed his cheek and bought him a celebratory dinner before Happy came to whisk him away the next day. Getting to the hotel and finding his suit upgraded and waiting for him made his heart race.

Peter still felt pretty nervous about joining in business he still wasn’t sure was meant for him, but he’d do anything for Tony. Even if that meant finally putting himself in a world he’d been tiptoeing around for the entire year he’d known Tony and the Avenger’s business he dealt with.

He got through high school without exposing himself or his loved ones – that’s all that really mattered to him. If this entire ordeal led to Tony offering him induction onto the team, Peter would take it. Being with Tony meant exposure to this world; why not take it by the reins and make his own home on the team, hopefully under his own conditions.

There wasn’t much time to marvel at each of the heroes he’d been reading about for years – the concept of the fight was simple; stop Steve and Bucky from leaving. Peter did his best to keep up with the most revered superheroes and felt pretty good about the fact that he’d managed to stay in step and outsmart a few of them. Maybe Tony’s urges weren’t entirely selfish on the older man’s part – Peter had plenty of things to contribute to the disorganized chaos of the people around him. When they were working cohesively, Peter knew they’d be pretty unstoppable.

It was pure luck, finding Tony before he took off after Steve and Bucky. Peter stopped him in his tracks when Tony tried to push past him. The idea of Tony taking on something that felt so personal by himself didn’t even register – Peter wouldn’t take no for an answer; he jumped into the ship before Tony could really argue. The entire flight was silent – Tony hell bent on keeping up the silent treatment. Peter took the opportunity to try and put together the pieces of what was really happening.

Someone was out to split the group up – someone that had information that would force certain people to take sides. Peter didn’t have enough information to know what the root of all of this was, but whatever they were dealing with couldn’t tear them apart; that would be the ultimate win for the person orchestrating.

The swift realization that Steve kept something so raw and personal from Tony almost had him swinging across the building with every intention of attacking “America’s Ass”. The look on Tony’s face stopped him, however – there were real traces of hurt evident on his already strained face. Tony’s parents were something they hadn’t talked much about – Peter knew he resented Howard and missed Maria wholeheartedly. Much like Peter, Tony lost his parents long before resolution or satisfaction could come from their relationship. The shock of having them ripped away by people he knew wasn’t surprising or unfounded – Tony would need to reevaluate some of the decisions people he considered close to him made and the reasons behind them.

But, it wasn’t the time for that. Tony looked two seconds away from spontaneously combusting – the only thing Peter could do was stop him when Steve and Bucky took off. Tony looked at him with murder in his eye – the betrayal he read on his face made Peter’s stomach clench. “Think about it, Tony. Just stop and think. Zemo did this to create a divide. Something isn’t right and you know that.” Peter shouted the words at him – his heart racing with each one he threw from his chest. “Let them go.”

Tony went slack against him – whether it was realization or simply surrender, Peter wasn’t sure. He kept Tony in his arms until he heard the jet Steve and Bucky took take off. The resolute silence a few minutes after that had him pulling away, his hand reaching up to pull the mask off of his face.

The brown eyes that met his when he could see Tony again were much softer, the instant anger of the situation giving way to a more guttural feeling. “He killed my mom,” Tony babbled, his face falling. Peter was only strong enough to pull him in before tears of his own were falling.

Silence surrounded the flight back to the Avenger’s compound, only this time, Peter kept his arms around Tony’s middle and didn’t move a single bit the entire way. It took them two days to get the needed medical attention and track Steve down – the cell phone he left for Tony was the exact thing they needed to narrow down their whereabouts and catch them before they were untraceable.

The conversation that followed managed to satisfy Tony enough to not want to rip Bucky’s head off anymore. In the end, he was the one to suggest seeking out Shuri in Wakanda. Despite not having direct access to the country, Tony knew all about the genius being produced there – it was hard not to take notice of the smart people of the world. He told Peter that line time and time again.

It took a few months, but Steve finally returned to the compound. Between him and Tony, they managed to strike up a deal (which really meant intimidate) with Senator Ross. Saving the world wasn’t political business – at least that much everyone could agree to.

----

Thanos’s threat became a reality for the group at the compound when Thor’s distress signal reached them. They couldn’t pinpoint his location, but his cryptic message was enough to kick start them into action. It was clear to see that protecting, collecting, and destroying the stones was the only possible option.

Now a full-time member of the Avenger’s, Peter had a good time pointing that out to everyone in one of the many meetings they had about what to do about the fucked-up situation they were heading into. After the third time suggesting that they split up, Tony finally heard him and started to formulate a plan.

Steve, Wanda, and Vision headed out to Wakanda to get back in touch with Bucky and get Shuri to work her incredible magic. Tony and Peter wandered off in hopes of finding the time stone. Nat was tasked with the daunting task of pinpointing where Thor was. It seemed like each of them had a mountain to climb – but the world depended on it.

Happening open Doctor Strange when hunting down the time stone became an apparent advantage when he drew a portal and magicked them directly to Wakanda to join the others. The mind stone’s presence drew Thanos’s troops and they needed all of the manpower they could get.

News of Nat finding and heading out towards Thor’s location came to them when they got to Wakanda and met up with Steve and a fresh-faced Bucky. The first two seconds of the interaction were weird – Tony stood stock still. Then, he let the mask drop and pulled the man into a hug. Just the sight of it was cathartic – Peter could only imagine how both of the tortured men felt in that moment.

Meeting Shuri and T’Challa was a little rushed as they were all equipped with some of the Wakandan technology and weapons. Tony’s eyes widened and his jaw went slack when he saw all of the things that Shuri got to work on and with – some of it was replicated in his own workshop, and some of it was brand new and calling his name. Peter watched with silent amusement as the nerd in Tony tried to fight its way to the surface. There wasn’t time for that now – Shuri was in the final stages of separating Vision from the mind stone.

Standing in the middle of the battlefield a little while later, completely surrounded by Wakandan soldiers and the crew he’d been slowly making himself comfortable in, Peter felt himself smiling. They were about to fight for their lives, but he felt confident and ready with all of the strong characters flanking him. Tony gave his hand a quick squeeze before his face plate settled into place – at least they were taking on the fight together.

Adrenaline pumped through his veins as he swung from one place to the next, taking out as many enemies as he could along the way. Peter and Tony played off each other frequently, the boost of Tony’s ability to fly gave Peter a distinct advantage. He’d have to mention that to his boyfriend when all the craziness was over. 

The back and forth seemed to go on forever – their retreat was leading them closer to the city with every minute that passed. Finally, there was a loud blast of a horn in the air, the richness of it sounding like victory.

Shuri managing to save Vision and destroy the stone sent them down a road that made the triumph over Thanos more and more likely. Nat found Thor and Loki with Rocket, Gamora, Peter Quill, and Groot.

She quickly found out that Gamora lied to her father and had the soul stone the entire time and Thor and his newly reformed brother Loki were in possession of the space stone. It didn’t take any prodding for either party to give up the infinity stone in their possession – Gamora regaled them with the many stories of Thanos murdering half of the many planets he managed to conquer. Not a single piece of the threat was a joke.

After destroying them, they were half of the way there. The time stone was safe with Stephen until the rest of them were collected. Peter Quill knew that the reality stone was with The Collector – he’d heard the man brag about its presence more than a few times. Knowing that Thanos only had one in his possession made settling for a plan of action much easier – the ability to include everyone in the flight gave them the upper hand.

Gamora offered herself up as bait – she knew her presence would draw her father out. He took the power stone by force, decimating Xandar without blinking an eye. Thanos was smart enough to know the fight was coming – Peter just hoped he didn’t know how big their team actually was.

In the end, it came down to Peter yanking the glove that Thanos wore so arrogantly on his hand, off and into the hands of Tony. There was a second when everyone looked around – the idea of winning never actually crossed their minds. They were all brought back to the reality of the situation when Gamora shrieked and took Thanos’s head straight off.

The collective sigh of relief that settled over the group didn’t really latch on until all 6 of the stones were destroyed. It took a little more convincing than Peter would have liked to have Stephen actually give up the time stone – but he saw reason eventually. It might have been imagined, but Peter thought something shifted in the universe when the final stone was destroyed. In this universe, the stones couldn’t cohesively exist without someone challenging them for the power they contained. The timeline was finally set right.

----

Celebrating the ultimate win took a few weeks to actually make a thing. Peter and Tony were content enough to be wrapped up in each other in the free moments they were gifted. Without the threat of Thanos, Peter decided to go back to school – Tony stayed in the city with him under the guise of getting back into the swing of things with Stark Industries.

It wouldn’t matter a single bit that they were together, but Tony was hell bent on keeping their relationship a secret. It made sense – things got to stay between the two of them for as long as they desired. Being open meant inviting people into their relationship and neither Peter nor Tony was particularly looking to do something like that.

Peter was right in the middle of his fall semester when Tony called him on his way back from class. Seeing Tony’s name flash across the screen, Peter picked it up instantly – the three-ring rule didn’t apply in situations like this.

“Hey Tony,” Peter said in answer, his voice a little breathy from the excitement that he couldn’t stop from coursing through him. Since Thanos, it was a lot more important to grab on to every single ounce of happiness.

His time with Tony would forever be too short. He learned the reality of that each time he stressed about losing Tony when they so selflessly put their lives at risk for the sake of everyone’s freedom, not just their own. The involvement in that wasn’t changing, so the risk would forever be there.

Shaking himself of the thought, Peter smiled when he heard Tony’s voice on the other side of the phone, the obvious scratch of disuse giving away his many hours straight in the lab. “Hey Pete. I got word from Steve today that they finally want to throw that fancy celebration shindig. Of course, they want to use our house to do the entertaining, but I couldn’t say no. You know how much I like a good party.” Tony actually sounded excited about the whole thing, so Peter paid close attention. The sound of Tony saying ‘our house’ was hard not to fixate on, but he tried his best.

By the time Peter got home, Tony was in the kitchen without his shoes on. The normal lab garb made him look half his age and never failed to pull at Peter’s heart a little. Tony’s carefree nature came out when he got to flex his brain – Peter loved getting to see his boyfriend that way. He managed to get behind Tony before the man even realized he was there – his muscled body tensed for a second when Peter’s arms wrapped around him.

“Hey, you,” Peter said against his ear, his lips trailing the words with a kiss. Peter let his face pressed against the side of Tony’s head, his boyfriend relaxing against him after a second.

“You scared the shit out of me. I was running through the latest specs in my head and got distracted. Nice surprise, though,” Tony remarked, his hand reaching back to grip Peter’s neck. Adjusting a little, Peter pressed their lips together, the weird angle making him chuckle.

“I might have put on the web shooters and swung the rest of the way back,” Peter admitted, his cheeks reddening when Tony’s hand tightening against him. “You seemed so excited on the phone; I couldn’t wait for the subway.”

Tony turned around in his arms, his own hands coming to tangle in the hair at the back of Peter’s neck. Leaning forward, Peter gave Tony another kiss, the softness of it a direct contrast to the hands in his hair. “I am excited. I get to put you in a suit and watch Thor get delightfully drunk. That’s always a party, Pete,” Tony muttered breathlessly. Their foreheads were pressed together, and Peter found himself going in for kisses every few seconds.

“He’ll bring the mead, I bet,” Peter said with a laugh, Tony’s breath tickling his nose as he too snorted out a breathy chuckle.

“One can only hope.”

The rest of the evening and all the ones for the next two weeks were filled with planning and getting ready for the first big gathering of everyone since the big win against Thanos. 

Steve and Bucky went back to Brooklyn to see what living together would look like. Nat and Bruce were regulars to Stark Industries and the Stark household – out of everyone, they were the only two to know the true nature of his and Tony’s relationship. Loki, despite his initial misdeeds, was helping Thor run New Asguard – and they were actually getting along.

All the effort seemed worth it when they were all in one room together. It was like no time passed at all – the easy camaraderie that came with saving the planet couldn’t be lost in just a few months’ time. Peter mingled with everyone, his eyes wide and cheeks sore from reminiscing and catching up with the people that he considered family, despite the reservations he initially had about the saviors of the world when his journey with them first began.

He found himself wanting to pick Tony out of the crowed whenever he moved around and got caught up in the same conversation with someone else. Peter found himself able to withstand from the pull of Tony’s presence for a couple of hours. Eventually, when he noticed him over Bruce’s shoulder during their riveting discussion on the different types of sod, Peter excused himself and trailed after Tony. He was heading towards the back part of the penthouse where their bedroom was – it was the perfect place to grab a second or two of alone time with him. With all of the excitement surrounding them, it’d be nice to feel the grounding effect that Tony had on him.

A soft sigh left his lips when he found himself being pushed back against the door of their bedroom. He heard the creak of the floorboard by Tony’s side of the bed and went to investigate – Tony pining him against the wood was a very excellent end to his hunt. Tony gripped his hips tight, the older man’s hips rolling forward to pin him completely to the hard surface of the door.

“You’ve been catching my eye all night and it’s so hard to concentrate. I talked to Thor about his struggles with a preteen online twice before I realized it. I need you, Pete,” Tony got out before pressing his lips to Peter’s, kissing him soundly. The words were enough to make him harder than a rock, and the kiss set him on edge.

“What if they catch us?” Peter mumbled, his head turning to break the kiss in a desperate attempt to pull him oxygen into his lungs. His skin was plastered to the fancy shirt and jacket he let Tony talk him into wearing – everything felt tight against him. The arousal pumping through his veins woke up the hypersensitivity of his Peter-tingle and doubled the intensity of the feeling.

Tony didn’t respond to him right away – he methodically went about getting Peter out of his suit jacket and the tie around his neck. Peter’s fingers fumbled to pull Tony’s clothes from him, but the older man simply slapped his hands away and did it for him He didn’t care where the clothes landed, the rumpled look they’d return to the party with would be obvious – but at the moment, Peter didn’t give a shit, either.

When his bare back hit the mattress, Tony finally framed his face with his hands, his black eyes staring down at Peter intently. “I don’t care if they catch us. Not anymore. Hiding what we have hasn’t been worth the moments we miss out on. I should have had you on my arm tonight.” Tony said the worlds simply, the look on his face recognizably genuine. “They’re not looking, anyway. Everyone is in their own little world celebrating how badass we actually are.”

Laughing, Peter surged up and caught Tony’s lips – his legs wrapped around trim hips to bring them closer. It didn’t take much to get lost in the kiss and the not-so-subtle way they were grinding against each other. Peter didn’t try to hold back the overwhelming sensations – he bit into Tony’s neck when his orgasm washed through him. Tony pulled back enough to kiss him through it, their tongues tangling until Peter was too overcome to continue.

The boneless way Peter pressed into the mattress made it easy for Tony to spread his legs a little wider and start prepping his hole. Peter brought his bottom lip between his teeth, the tangibility of Tony’s touch still washing over him in the most overwhelming way. Tony must have recognized that, because he continued to tease his finger around Peter’s rim and pepper kisses to the inside of his thighs. It was just distracting enough to turn too much into not enough.

Peter looked down at Tony and nodded, the non-verbal communication just as important between them – especially in times like this. Tony abandoned his position between Peter’s legs for a second before returning, a bottle of lube in his hands. He willingly went when he felt Tony’s hands on his hips prod him into turning over. A moan left his lips when the coolness of the sheets pressed against his cock that was already starting to harden again.

The thickness of Tony’s fingers always surprised him upon first entry – they were a bit on the shorter side, but wide and filling from the get-go. Peter did his best to relax, Tony didn’t wait long before thrusting forward impatiently. The tip of his finger brushed against Peter’s prostate repeatedly – his cock going from somewhat interested to leaking within a few presses. “Another, Tony. More – “ Peter gasped out breathlessly, his skin pebbling from the collection of sensations.

1 finger quickly became 2 that gave way to 3 without Peter really noticing. Tony was peppering his shoulders and upper back with kisses and running his free hand down his perineum, the tickle on his skin there just enough to keep him from jumping off the cliff. He did notice the absence of them, however, his head turning quickly to take in Tony curiously.

“It’s okay, Pete – I’m going to fill you up. Just a second,” Tony muttered, his eyes finding Peter’s for a brief moment. He could see the tremor of Tony’s hand when they broke eye contact, his shaky fingers having a hard time getting the cap off the lube again to spread some of the slick along his weepy length. Peter dropped his head between his shoulders when Tony closed his eyes, the hand on himself obviously just a bit too much. Chewing on his cheek, Peter relaxed as much as he could and pressed back when Tony started to push in.

Hearing Tony groan when he was finally seated completely inside of Peter had him reaching down to grasp the base of his cock. It never stopped being sexy, how much Tony lost control when they were wrapped up in a position like this. For whatever reason, Peter held a key to another part of Tony that not a lot of people got to see. It drove him absolutely insane. Everything about Tony did that, though.

Their pace started out slow and specific. Every one of Tony’s thrusts was long and targeted, the head of his cock pressing deliciously against Peter’s prostate with each one. As Peter started to get closer to his orgasm, his ass clenched more and more tightly around Tony’s cock. His boyfriend slowly started to lose the battle between measured strokes and desperate thrusts – his hips stuttered and started to chase a deep spot in Peter randomly. Tony’s panting breaths were loud, the only other sound in the room the squeaking of the mattress under them and the slap of skin against skin.

Peter only had to stroke over himself once to finally succumb to the brain melting goodness of his second orgasm of the night. He called out Tony’s name and pressed his hips back into the ruthless slamming of his boyfriend’s hips. He clenched the walls of his ass even tight around Tony and felt the liquid heat of his spend start to spread within him a couple of seconds later. Groaning when he felt teeth in his neck, Peter felt all of the energy drain out of him as the noise left him – his chest hit the bed unceremoniously.

Tony pulled out and shuffled them until he was pressed against Peter’s back, his sweaty arm warm across his stomach. “Holy fuck,” Tony mumbled, his lips finding the side of Peter’s neck.

Grinning, Peter snuggled into Tony’s touch, a soft ‘mmmm’ coming out of his mouth the only source of agreement. The gust of Tony’s laugh made him grin a little wider, the floaty feeling so much better with Tony’s arms around him.

----

They went back to the party a little while later – Tony had FRIDAY set an alarm for 15 minutes and slipped into a deep sleep almost immediately. Peter relaxed against him and enjoyed the cadence of his boyfriend’s snores – most people hated the sound, but it meant that Tony was getting the rest he needed, and that’s all he wanted for him. FRIDAY’s voice brought him out of the little trance he fell into – he shook Tony awake as gently as he could so they could get up and try to slip back into the flow without being noticed.

It should’ve been easy, slipping back into the party. Everyone seemed pretty drunk when Peter walked into the open area of what was usually their living room. Most of his comrades were broken up into small groups talking and laughing – Thor and Loki were regaling Rhodey with some sort of heroic tale, Peter could tell by the shit eating grin on the God of thunder’s face. He walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge and was stopped by Steve – the man’s eyes wide.

“Are you wearing Tony’s shirt?” Steve asked without hesitation. He walked over to Peter and went for the collar, his fingers pulling it back. Everyone knew that Tony was narcissistic enough to label his clothes with a TS on the collar. The black of the stitching contrasted the red shirt he hadn’t been wearing when he first walked into the party a few hours ago. Glancing up, Peter caught Tony looking down at his own shirt – the maroon shirt Peter started the night with buttoned up over the gleam of his arc reactor.

Peter got out of Steve’s grasp easily and walked over to Tony, his arm wrapping around his boyfriend’s shoulder. He gave him a kiss on the cheek and just about lost it when Tony raised the hand not wrapped around Peter’s waist and uttered “surprise”. The collective gasp in the room had him laughing, his head resting on Tony’s shoulder without a single care in the world.