#and anything about nature and southern culture

[heavensmortuary]

do you have interests outside of horror? no hate <333333

i only have old man interests

[hwatermelons]

unconventional gender neutral terms of endearment ^^

(mostly made this cause my drafts always have "baby" a million times and then i replace them lol)

- pretty (as in pretty girl/boy, but without the gender word attached) - starlight/my star, sunshine - honestly if you put "my" before anything it could probably work as an endearment - animals: firefly (got the idea from sufjan stevens), bunny, dove, mouse, hamster, hummingbird, penguin, monkey 😭, kitten (this one's kinda popular) - flowers: tulip, rose, sunflower, a flower that's special between your characters - fruits/vegetables: pumpkin, bean, mango, lychee, kiwi, peach, nectarine, apricot, berry(!!), blueberry, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, etc - sweets! a special weakness of mine is sweets from the person saying the endearment's culture. like if someone who was also indian called me their kaju katli i'd melt (but probably not laddu unless it's clear they're teasing and i get back at them 💀). maybe runs the risk of being cringey tho? honestly as long as it's from the sayer's culture and suits their personality it's fine - examples of sweets that don't belong to a certain culture: cookie, brownie - nature: snowflake, raindrop?? (i guess it works if your character has something to do with water), sprout, sapling

and here's some classic gn terms of endearment if your character's more into that: - darling (i see this as a perfect alternative to princess/prince) - love/my love - lovely/beautiful - baby/babe (can be used in both cute and teasing/suggestive moods) - angel (personal favorite of mine!) - dear (it's so "grown old together" vibes, i'm in love with this one for this purpose) - honey, honey pie, sugar, sweet(ie). honestly if they're used for s/os, it feels kinda old-fashioned. but for parent figures saying it to someone much younger that they care about, children or otherwise? (i'm imagining a southern (from america) beekeeper with no children or spouse of her own who sells her famous honey to buy food for the small army of orphaned children that shows up on her front porch every morning for breakfast. and these are the kinds of things she'd call them. perfection.)

[tsatsked]

Lore details I've noticed: Farewell Rayashki event

As always that's mostly Russian/USSR/Slavic stuff and some translations, feel free to add anything. I've also made a post about Silver Knot lore details

Obviosly, spoiler warning

Alenka - a USSR chocolate type produced since 1965, they are quite soft and sweet and still popular among kids and adults

The playground is quite typical for the time period. The drawings and sunflowers might be Vila’s and kids’ work. It’s not very clear if the graffiti is made by someone inspired by hip-hop culture or is August’s failed attempt at scribbling out his name, judging by “А” and “Г” as 1st and 3rd letters. The only thing I’d add here is more scraped parts recycled into playground constructions

Ijirak, Kikituk, Qiqirn - creatures from Inuit folklore (as far as I know they are not known in native Siberian folklore). I haven’t found information about Hoituk

The Russian word for “most” means “best” in the phrase “the most “most”” (“самый-самый”)

“It was only by luck that we found the runium. For over 60 years, people here have worked together to make it what it is now” - Vila. If the events happen in 60s-80s (judging by the overall vibe), than the last time reverse was at 1977 and Rayashki started to grow from a village to a town at 1917 or later. It means the town exported runium for all the Soviet years.

⬆️ EDIT: Silver Knot (Windsong's story) confirms it actually happens in 80s-90s

Most of the sighs say “For Better Future”, “Welcome to Rayashki” and “Welcome Zeno’s Military Institute”

The room in which Windsong stays is Soviet af. There are an old TV with a lens, cool bookshelf and tiles that surprised me. They’re common for public and liminal spaces but not so much for the living ones. Maybe they’re chosen because they endure harsh Artic climate better that wood or linoleum

EDIT: the TV looks like KVN-49 model, produced in 1949—1962

“It must be Kikituk! But their closest habitat should be Kong Kalrs Land, hundreds of kilometres away”. Kong Karls Land - a group of island of Svalbard archipelago, Norway. As @vingler-mirror point out in their post, Rayashki is likely based on Pyramiden town owned by USSR on the same archipelago

Природа это числа и черты - “Nature is numbers and lines” Природа это мозаика цветов - “Nature is a mosaic of colours”

“Mutant Kikituk from Olga area! You should be at the Olga Strait, hunting for migrating salmon and whales, not here!” - excuse me OLGA STRAIT!? THE ONE NEAR JAPAN!?

Poneva/ponyova - an element of Russian (Eastern Slavic?) female clothing worn on top of the main skirt of the dress. I believe there was either a mistranslation in Needles and Loaves message where Raisa said “poneva dress”, either she meant the whole outfit

Samodiva - Their name is feminine and can be roughly translated as “self-wonder”, but that’s another word for vila the creature from Western and Southern Slavic mythology similar to Eastern Slavic rusalka/mavka

Other stuff I’ve noticed:

The town seems to have a big arcanist population, if not most of them are arcanists. An arcanist right is applicable to them and all Vila’s known students are arcanists (if the kids are arcanists, their parents and grandparents are arcanists too)

The people of Rayashki seem to come from different places, and it makes sense with Pyramiden's history (EDIT: the workers were mostly from a western region of Ukraine). Pasono’s first name seems to be obscure and I’ve found only a surname mostly known in America. Patrik’s name is more popular name in other countries, and it make me to believe his ancestors might be foreigners. Bogina’s name comes from Southern Slavic languages

Rayashki is very communistic compared to the rest of USSR. Maybe it’s the town’s history, citizens’ temperament, small town’s size, seclusion and big self sufficiency combined. EDIT: the town's athmosphere conctasts with the period of USSR where people start feel more positive about the world around and capitalism with it

[demaparbat-hp]

I didn't know Katara also had silver marks on the Kintsugi AU. How did you come up with that idea? Is it an in-universe cultural thing? If it is, is it exactly the same as Zuko's or does the Water Tribe have their own beliefs around it?

Sorry if I'm asking too many questions, I just really love how your mind works when it comes to these AUs 💖

Hello, and thanks for asking!

Initially, Kintsugi was a strictly Fire Nation tradition. Something to hold over the rest of the nations, and deepen their own belief of cultural superiority. Zuko hiding his scars played into that idea, since having gold inlaid in your body is a clear sign of Fire Nation blood—furthermore, High Fire Nation blood.

That being said, one lovely anon gave the suggestion that perhaps the other nations also have their own kinds of Kintsugi, and I fell in love with the idea. @ican-fixitbooks went even deeper into the particular philosophies of each nation regarding Kintsugi. I'll be using some quotes from them—watch for the italics.

It was during said brainstorming session that I thought of Katara having a silver Kintsugi scar, and how could it be used to enhance the themes of ATLA, Katara's arc, and this AU as a whole.

But a little background is necessary, I believe.

Kintsugi is a tradition practiced worldwide, with minor differences in philosophy/technique according to each nation.

The Earth Kingdom seal their scars with a substance that resembles bronze, as the mentality of breaking yourself down to build yourself back up better than you were is very central to their culture. It is used as a way to celebrate one's victories, made all the better if damage was taken to achieve it.

The elite have rather different views on this practice. They believe themselves to be above such things. That which is broken must be hidden away, which has interesting connotations when thinking about a certain blind earthbender.

The Air Nomad philosophy leans towards a naturalist approach. Anything natural doesn't need to be "improved" in their eyes. If a scar is there, it is there. Let it be there as a part of you, no different than any other, no need to be "made better", but in fact better to just "be".

Kintsugi is a cultural practice meant to celebrate making something beautiful out of something broken, arguably even making it better than it was. During Sozin's reign and forward, Kintsugi became a way to show the Fire Nation's superiority. Especially as that is essentially their philosophy for war: "Breaking the rest of the world so it can be reforged in fire, made a better, more perfect place."

As for the Water Tribes, there's the healing factor to take into account. The Northern Water Tribe isolated itself from the rest of the world once the war began, so they hold tight to their traditions and beliefs. If something is not broken, then why attempt to fix it? Kintsugi is scoffed at in the North—it is a foreign practice, one that is not necessary when all your wounds can be healed with bending.

However, the Southern Water Tribe has been exposed to the world. They have seen war. They have lived through it. They have suffered, but they are also free because of it, if only in spirit. The South is strong and proud and bold, so it comes as no surprise that silver Kintsugi becomes the mark of their warriors, their hunters, their people.

Katara was wounded during the last Southern Raid. After losing Kya in such a terrible way, Hakoda made sure to seal Katara's wound with the silver of their warriors, so that she would always remember that despite having been broken, she is still strong, beautiful, and proud.

The scar itself is long and thin, going from her right shoulder up to her jaw. It loosely resembles lightning.

And despite how she got it, despite all the things she lost on that day, despite it being a constant reminder of her mother's death—Katara loves her scar.

It grounds her. It pushes her forward. You are a warrior, it tells her. You are a survivor.

When Katara arrives at the North, her scar becomes yet another thing the Northerners hold against her. They use it to demean her, just as they do her gender and out-spoken personality.

The North believes a lot of things that Katara always considered natural to be a problem. What does it matter that she is a woman? What is wrong about being passionate? Why should having a scar mean she's broken?

This scar is something they cannot touch. The Northerners try to use it to demean her. To make her small. Self-conscious. Worthless.

They're scoffing at her mother's death.

Her strength.

Her beauty.

Her pride.

Her story.

And she will not allow it.

[cirusthecitrus]

People of the Galactic Horde (the OGs)

Since I'm working on a Horde Prime origin story, it was inevitable that one day I would have to come up with designs for his species aka the original spacebats. And well, it was a fun challenge!

(click/tap to have a better look!) My first attempt at drawing other bats was with the High Priests of the Four Temples - the most influential and powerful people on the planet, also known as Anillis'/Prime's teachers :)

See that last guy? That's the emperor of the original Galactic Horde! Though after his unexpected early death his wife had to become the new Prime. Gladly, Horde World was not left without a future heir to the throne^^

Fun thing is, I never planned on making designs for Anillis' parents, since they never appear in the actual story + even the twins don't remember what they looked like. But idc making fanparents is fun! (In my vision Horde Prime inherited the death stare from his mother and the sly misleading smile from his father >:} )

(I talk more about the characters and worldbuliding in my fic "Violent Youth". U can find the link in my pinned post)

I also had to design tons, and I mean tons of episodic characters of all ages, genders and backgrounds. Now after all this training I'm ready to fill the backgrounds with bats :3

Some general notes on the people of the Horde under the cut

Every spacebat is born with a white face. Any deviations were rare and considered a type of skin condition

Facial markings slowly appear once baby bats hit puberty. When spacebats' white faces were seen as blank canvases, the facial markings were their life journey drawn on said canvases. The markings were seen as the real window to the soul. Having no marks as an adult was simply outlandish, people of Krytis even had a belief that such bats "had nothing behind their soul" and thus could not be trustworthy

Facial markings (as well as ears) came in many forms. In ancient times one could tell in which of the four original provinces a person was born by simply looking at their faces. Nowadays it became nearly impossible to guess someone's homeland this way (mostly everyone are people of mixed descent), but to those curious this is how bats used to distinguish one another by their markings:

North - straight lines across/all over the face (e.g. the emperor)

South - wavy lines across/all over the face e.g. (the High Priestess of the Southern temple)

West - straight minimalistic lines (e.g. horde clones)

East - wavy minimalistic lines (e.g. the empress)

Hair never held much cultural significance on Krytis, so the styling was only a question of one's personal preference and fashion trends. Some bats (mainly from the south) saw no point in having hair whatsoever - those would choose to go bald or shave parts of the head to better show off their markings

Everyone had one set of eyes. Only local deities were sometimes depicted having 3 and more eyes. And yes, their eyes and teeth do glow in the dark

I wanted to make colorful bats to futher emphasise their whimsical and peaceful nature :) Well, if u think about it many poisonous creatures are colorful too...

I wouldn't be myself if I didn't say anything about local fashion. I don't have my own concepts at hand sadly, just references, but my main inspiration for the fashion of Krytis are late 90s-early 00s futurism and cyber aesthetic. Here and there u will also see smth similar to mall goth or streetwear style, but it's mostly something what young blood were into

Some bats like the royal family and council members would wear more classy and regal clothes but still more or less modern looking. Such choice of attire was espeically important to the empress, who, unlike her late husband, stayed far away from religion and magic and made it the main goal of her campaign to weaken the influence of the religious community and push for scientific and socio-cultural progress

If you have any questions about the people of the Horde/Krytis, feel free to ask! I'm always happy to talk more about this AU!

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

Hi, I absolutely love the way you breakdown tswift songs, and I just wanted to clarify something, that's been bothering me. In 7 she mentions this part "we'll move to India forever" at first I was just like yeah, but the more I listened to it, the more I was like what kind of fucking colonist/white mindset is that? You'll never tour to India but you want to move here?? LIKE??? NO!!!! Don't!!! We've had enough of you white people exploiting us without ever actually ever caring for our country.

Feel free to vent about whatever Taylor Swift lyric you hate. I literally love it. :)

Because you're right, I always saw the line "we'll move to India forever" in the most charitable light. I remember thinking to myself, when I first heard it, that maybe she just loves India.

It made sense to me- because during the pandemic I fell into reading a BUNCH about India's culture, religion, food, anything. (My interest was mostly a result of linguistic interest into how India has shaped the English Language over time). Despite English only being present in the region due to colonialism, India has had a remarkable impact on shaping the Language itself! I emphasize post-colonial theory in my real job- and while I don't write much on India's relation to English Linguistics, I enjoy reading on the subject. So that's why I find it so interesting- because it really speaks to human ingenuity and perseverance. You know? The linguistic diversity present in India alone is so cool- and I really could talk about it forever.

So, I heard the line, and my first thought was like "yeah, okay maybe she just loves India?"

I think I was being too kind with that initial response.

But dude- she's never even toured in India? Like she just refused to go? She's never once talked about India in a positive light at all. So then why would she write that line? Like she will go to any random country in Europe, go to any random state in the USA, and go to couple of select places in Latin America, but it seems like she outright ignores Southern parts of Asia? Except Singapore- because they gave her a boatload of money, I guess. So, why write that line? Why write all of "Karma" is she has no genuine interest or respect for the people from which that philosophy comes?

In combination with her obvious pro-colonialist imagery in her other work, like the "Wildest Dreams" music video, the line in "Bejeweled" about reclaiming the land, and the latest line in "But Daddy I Love Him" about how she wants to win the West, I now believe her line about moving to India to be pure Orientalism.

Plus, the whole issue with the "Karma" song in which she is denigrating the philosophical concept of Karma and making it seem like nothing more than a shallow idiomatic ideal on revenge.

I think she's just an idiot who wants to mention "India" like it's some fantastical realm far away from "reality" (Eg), to her, the USA, as if India is not a real place with a real history and real culture. This is what I mean when I say she offers India no respect or appreciation- you can't liken a place to a mystical realm removed from reality without removing it from its history, culture, and people.

If the whole line is "Pack your dolls in a sweater/ We'll move to India forever/ Passed down like Folksongs" ("Seven" 2020).

She is intuitively linking the concept of moving to India with that of a childhood fantasy- with the word "dolls"- one childhood fantasy which will be ultimately unfulfilled. Thus, I support the argument that her line about moving to India is only in reference to the fact that it's like an unreal fantasy- worlds away from reality.

In literary theory, we call this process of subjective reality removal, and fetishization of the East as a fantasy realm, Orientalism. Orientalism is the act of creating a fantasy of the East, in this case India, that is often full of stereotypes or predicated solely on the myopic lens of western perspective.

Naturally, this facet of literature was mainly popular during the height of British Colonialism in India- in the 19th century. So why is Taylor Swift negotiating Orientalist attitudes in a song in the year of 2020? WHY! Uh- (because she's a fucking Racist with no respect for anyone who's not White and from USA). I've been blind- I fear.

It's such a rude oversimplification of such a diverse and interesting place- and all of her many nods towards Colonialism are so disgusting - I'm actually pissed off about it.

Anyway- That was my long-winded way of completely agreeing with you. You're right it's a shitty colonialist attitude and she should not be getting away with it.

[rotten-corpses-blog]

Slasher men with a southern reader

Hey! so something is up with my tumblr, I started writing someone's request, saved it to drafts and now its gone...

So I wrote this, because i'm a little southern girlie (Help i'm dying down here) If, you aren't southern, or are and don't have the same experience as me, that's ok. I'm writing this from what I delt with as a kid living in the Southern United States.

Characters: JD, Billy Loomis, Stu Matcher..... Content Warning: mentions of bigotry, and republicans, poverty and food insecurity mentions

JD

 JD is actually from Texas, so I don’t think he would really have a problem with any accents or anything of that nature.

 Depending on where you are from in the south is also important, he understands Texas culture… not any other parts of the south. (yes there is different culture depending on where you are, some parts use different words and phrases than others, food is also different) 

He would be understanding about family who have… different political opinions and all that.

He gets the poverty and food insecurity, because he saw that stuff traveling around from place to place.

Billy

Billy is from California, he grew up with none of the stuff you did so he’s not going to get it, he’s not an asshole, you just have to explain it.

He probably won’t understand any type of southern accent, even if you feel it’s mild, he still can’t understand you sometimes.

After awhile he will pick up on some of your speech patterns and start saying y’all and ain’t

If you grew up in poverty, he will kinda be weirded out. He’s a rich kid from California and has never experienced, or maybe ever saw poverty.

If your family is anything like mine, they will bitch and moan about him being from California. He doesn’t see it as a big deal, it’s not like they have to learn a new language.

He will be kinda shocked when he meets them. “Y/N… your uncle is crazy!” “No, he’s just like that, don’t worry Billy.”

Stu

If you thought Billy was bad, Stu is worse.

Not only will he not understand anything, he most likely grew up thinking all southern people were cowboys or farmers.

He grows to love southern food and will ask you to make him something almost everyday.

He’s even richer, so he seriously thought for a while that everyone had houses like his and designer clothes. 

Again, he’s a Cali boy. You couldn’t pay him to set foot on a farm or anything like that. “Y/N, we pay people to do our yard work, That’s why it looks so good!”

He loves your conservative relatives, he thinks they are so funny. I mean, we all love a good conspiracy theory on and again.

[asksythe]

MXTX Interview with Risa Wataya for Subaru Magazine P.1

INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR MOXIANG TONGXIU IN JAPAN ON May 6th 2023 ABOUT INSPIRATIONS for MDZS (P1)

(Risa Wataya is a very famous novelist in Japan)

Risa Wataya: "Mo Dao Zu Shi" is very famous in Japan. When the Japanese version of the novel came out, I was so excited that I waited in line before the bookstore opened. This work is a "Chinese-based fantasy novel", so there are also some settings that I am not familiar with, but by consulting the material, I feel I gained a deeper understanding of the work. This makes me feel very happy. In addition, because Japan also uses Chinese-like characters, the image of places and names can be communicated directly, making the worldview easy to understand.

Ms. Mo Xiang, when this work also became popular abroad, how do you feel?

Mo Xiang: I never thought my work would be well received by foreign readers. I was very happy and also very surprised. I was also surprised to hear my friends say that Wataya likes it. Thank you very much.

Risa Wataya: For Japanese readers, the fantasy world of China is refreshing, with long-haired characters hovering in the air by manipulating celestial arts, sometimes displaying stunning moves or engaging in fierce power struggles. Environments like hidden lands, dignified palaces, and haunted houses all make people excited. Why did you choose such a fictitious setup?

Mo Xiang: Because I love traditional Chinese culture very much. If I have to describe it, I prefer old palace gardens, natural mountains, and river scenery to modern high-rise buildings. Compared to modern costumes, I also prefer the character in Hanfu with flowing hair.

Risa Wataya: Is there anything that’s exclusive to the fantasy genre?

Mo Xiang: This classification is very liberal. Anything can be written. For example, a beautiful woman that does not age for a hundred years, does not die in a hundred years. Or a monster that cannot die for a few hundred years. Imaginations that cannot be exercised in the real world can be used here.

 Risa Wataya: So it turns out. What is special about Chinese fantasy novels, compared to other countries' fantasy novels?

Mo Xiang: It can feel different to describe traditional emotions (*) that only Chinese people can understand. For example, other countries may have different views on blood relations between family members.

(*: can be understood as intrinsic social and cultural values and customs)

Risa Wataya: Indeed, it is rare for Japan to feel such deep house/clan ties through novels, so this work of Magic gives people a very refreshing feeling. On the contrary, what do you think is the reason why this novel is also famous abroad?

Mo Xiang: Maybe because everyone focuses on the characters and their feelings, not the setting and value system of the work.

Risa Wataya: I understand. The character concept here is great.

Mo Xiang: It could also be because my own setting is relatively simple and easy to accept. For example, when I was writing, I was obsessed with the southern and northern Wei Jin dynasties.

Therefore, I have read a lot of related literature, and the power structure mentioned in the work also mentions some Wei and Jin regimes. But when it comes to actually adding these elements to the story, I need to make it shorter and easier to understand. I didn't want the context to be too complicated, because I basically just wanted to describe the story of great Houses, so I thought of using a context like "The Hundred Cultivator Houses". For example, if you are familiar with magicians riding on flying brooms, understanding the setting of flying swords should not be difficult.

Risa Wataya: This is the first time I read the scene of exchanging jindan (golden core) and flying swords. Both are very cleverly interspersed in the story, which is a great setup indeed.

Mo Xiang: The concept of jindan can be a bit confusing for people from other countries. The jindans that appear in my works are a little different from the jindans that appear in other Chinese works. Readers consider it to be "exchange of spiritual energy in the body". In the novel there is also "The so-called jin dan is a ball of qi that forms in a cultivator's body after cultivating to a certain level. It is used to store and circulate spiritual energy." This kind of description, my friends told me: "Treating spiritual cores like an organ transplant. I have never seen such a ridiculous setting."

To Be Continued (The article is quite long) 

Translation by me: Sythe / NPD Khanh

[roseinyoursaltwater]

REVISED WEREWOLF HEADCANNONS

WEREWOLVES

    ◦    MUTTS

CAUSE: There are three ways to become a werewolf in this universe. The first being the most obvious, being born one. Werewolves are born into a tribe, each tribe being slightly different in appearance as well as culturally. The second way being a potion, while rare, few still have these potent potions and their reversal, seems to be nonexistent. These potions are so old, mostly everyone alive has no idea what's in it. A high enough dosage may also kill someone.  The third being a bite from a werewolf. While only working when a wolf is in their form, their saliva is similar to the potion, permanently turning someone into a wolf or if it is severe enough, killing them.

APPEARANCE: always varying, there are some similarities. Human appearances are dependent on what region their live on, as are their wolf forms. However, there is a basic standard. Werewolves are four legged in their wolf form, they're about five feet tall at their shoulders. Their coloring is dependent on the region. (Ie the southern wolf tribe is a light brown and white color) their teeth are a couple of inches long along with their claws. Eye color is also varying (the southern Wolfe tribe having a yellowish car). They're very strong, while they're faster than humans, compared to other occult they're slow (especially when compared to Meif'was and shadow knights)

PERSONALITY: Werewolves overall are friendly within their tribe. While there is a hierarchy system, they still care about each other. Toward outsiders, werewolves are an unfriendly species in general. However, they're very caring toward their young and probably spend the most time with them compared to humans especially and other occults. They value teaching and tradition, passing down everything they can to their young. While they don't act the most joyful, doesn't mean they aren't joyful - they just mask a lot of emotion. 

LOCATION: They're located in every region it seems, in variation. Ru'aun has probably the largest amount of wolf tribes compared to the others. They're considered higher class in Ru'aun compared to their Tu'La region counterparts. Mostly in the rockier and colder regions of a place.

CULTURE: culture is also similar between tribes, they value hunting, nature and being a community. They value guiding their children and eating large meals together as a community. They have fires together and ceremonies. Birth of a pup is also a very important moment which involves many ceremonies. While it is a male dominated society, some women still have a large influence with tribe. However, women will have one partner while men seem to have multiple. They're pretty accepting of same sex couples. (As are most of the occult)

FIGHTING: in their human forms, they do hand to hand combat. Though sometimes having daggers or spears with them. In their wolf forms, anything goes. Claws, teeth - anyway they can harm someone or something is done. When hunting, these use weapons on small prey like rabbits however, they hunt big game in their wolf forms.

WEAPONS: daggers, spears

LORE: werewolves as mentioned are big doers (no pun intended) of polygamy. While they'll have one spouse, sleeping with others is pretty okay. The more wives you have, the higher status in the pack you have. They have longer life spans compared to humans, usually outliving them by 10 - 15 years. Marriage is usually done in their late teens and a big feast will follow, depending on their status in the rank will decrease or increase the quality, amount of food and guests as well as how many days it goes on for. This is the same for ceremonies for when pups are born as well birthdays. High ranking pack members receive quite large birthday celebrations. Funerals are also large events depending on the ranking of individuals. However, wolves in the Tu'La region bury their culture. Barely turning into their form - they try to mask themselves within the region to not be sensed by Meif'was. Werewolves are low class citizens over there and can be and will be executed if found.

REWRITE LINK BELOW

[jewishvitya]

I just saw this video about how the West projects its own antisemitism on Palestine. And I think it seems like an important look at how things are entangled here, and somewhat a counter to the post I made and apologized for.

I still think Israel wants to own Judaism and Jewish symbolism and Jewish trauma. And I still think it's evil to do and I don't want that to be successful. Part of the goal was to reiterate that Israel shouldn't be seen as speaking for all Jews, and Jews as a whole shouldn't be seen as its agents, which is the image Israel tries to project. I still feel strongly about the importance of separating Israel and Judaism, and not mistreating Jewish culture in diaspora, including to counter Israel's narrative. But I think my way of talking about it on that post was wrong.

Especially for Palestinians, having negative feelings about Judaism and Jewish symbols isn't the same as antisemitic sentiments we see in the West. It's much more similar in nature to the discomfort a lot of Jewish people have sometimes with Christianity, but newer. Any Palestinian who is uncomfortable, I can only blame Israel and the torment they suffered under it. And beyond Palestinians, Israel had a traumatic impact on several countries that border it.

I was thinking of Jewish diaspora who are an oppressed group and keep getting associated with Israeli atrocities, now seeing people from their countries refer to their cultural symbolism as a hate symbol - when I, especially being an Israeli Jew myself, should have prioritized the Palestinians who are being traumatized in my name under this symbol. It wasn't right of me to defend the image of anything used for harm by my people. And I'm sorry I did that.

This was an attempt to explain both my intentions and why I feel my post was problematic. Now I don't know that I'm the best to say more than this. So, in addition to my initial apology, and to this explanation, I'm posting this video. I'll write out the words she's saying, because videos sometimes don't load on tumblr.

Growing up Arab in the US, and I think probably in a lot of the West Arabs can relate to this, you're made to feel naturally antisemitic because of Israel.

But here's the thing. You know, Israel put the Star of David on their flag. Israel puts the Star of David on its fighter jets. The Israeli leadership claims to be committing atrocities and ethnic cleansing and genocide, in the name of Judaism.

And I disagree, I think it's actually incredibly antisemitic that the Israeli government does that, because I think it's the Israeli government smearing Jews and Judaism by doing that.

But it's incredibly unfair to demand that the people who are being subjected to that— in the name, again, they are seeing that their occupiers have a Star of David on everything. In southern Lebanon there's former Israeli torture sites and prison sites, that have the star of David on them. That's what they do to mark their territory.

It is seen in this region - particularly in the places that Israel has bombed or occupied - as a symbol of colonialism and oppression and control and domination. And nothing more, sadly. And that is because of the actions of the Israeli government.

And it's like, to sit there and say that the way that an occupied people feel about their oppressors - who are saying we are doing this to you in the name of Judaism, they're saying that to them - to sit there and call those people antisemites in the tradition of Nazis and of European Christian antisemitism, who are the ones who are actually responsible for the holocaust, is so incredibly offensive. And actually it's just a way to transfer white European guilt for the holocaust onto brown people who didn't even do it. It's like, there are so many layers to how messed up that is.

And I'm not justifying like, you know, people in the Middle East who might have anti-Jewish sentiments. I just think that the explanation or the lens of the holocaust and of European antisemitism does not fit here. This is happening in a very different structure and it's just disgusting that such a horrible European atrocity is used to them demonize the victims.

[likealittleheartbeat]

hiyya!

this is something i've seen come up quite often in recent discourse about zuko, and about how he doesn't truly learn to let go of his prejudices linked to his upbringing by the final.

he is often criticized (i think rightfully so) for his treatment of aang in 'the southern raiders' ep: even though his actions may be fuelled by his desperation to make up with katara, and his own feelings of grief and anger, he is still too dismissive of (or one might say offensive towards) aang's advice and, consequentially, the philosophy of the air nomads.

in the final coronation scene, we see him acknowledge the fact that "the avatar is the real hero", and he swears to rebuild his nation "in love and peace", which definitely shows a fundamental change in his values. but. i wonder if he has matured enough to be able to respect aang as not just the avatar, but as an air nomad as well; if he has learned to appreciate not only his heroism, but his philosophy too.

i thought i'd ask your opinion on this since i really enjoy your reading of zuko and aang's relationship. how do you reconcile zuko's often dismissive nature with seeing him as aang's best friend and soulmate, the one who should be the most understanding of him?

thank you if you end up answering this, i'll really appreciate it!:)

I just think a reading of zuko as not fully reformed by the end is...just...a really bad faith take of a show all about hope and belief and (dare I say it?) FAITH.

What the Southern Raiders episode shows and is supposed to show regarding both Zuko and Katara in relation to Aang is NOT their total disregard for his culture but their need to experience and appreciate values of his culture for themselves, which is a core tenet of, at least, Zen Buddhism, but I'm pretty sure it's pretty significant to other Buddhisms and Taoism. Aang points to the moon of forgiveness, but if they were to simply take him for his word, they would have only seen his finger pointing and never have seen the moon he had hoped to show them by pointing towards it.

There is this kind of analysis that people do of ATLA and plenty of other shows that focuses on the dialogue and plot-explicit actions in a series with a literal and almost mathematical approach, ignoring the emotional beats, the narrative arcs, the figurative meanings, and the poetic experiences the show invokes. Often these kind of takes are sociological (focused on societal organizational structures and the identities they impose) and/or super rationalist (interested in the continuities and reasoning within a show as if a work of art and its characters must behave realistically). And they tend to be weaponized to denigrate a show or character (although both critique strategies could be and have been used to praise). The issue with both being used exclusively or even in tandem is how intellectual they are. They disregard emotional experiences for characters, for creators, and for the audience. I'm not inviting people to flip entirely to an emotional response--clearly I prefer a pretty intellectual approach myself. But a path that can bring in the heart and the mind into an analysis that is generous and wise ought to be the end goal, not necessarily of a single piece of writing but of your overall collaborative contribution to the analysis.

To get back to your question now, it's pretty hard for me to see Zuko, as the fucking emperor at his own coronation, saying that he should not be celebrated but instead giving the glory over to "the Avatar" as anything other than Zuko putting the value of humility so important to the air nomads into practice. And then we see him accepting help from Mai to put on his robe, serving tea to the gaang in Ba Sing Se (which demonstrates the reopened connections with the other nations), and naming his friendship with Aang, not the Avatar but Aang! Idk what more people want.

I have a guess, though. People want perfection. They want Zuko to jump beyond the limits of his narrative and history to be a political ideal that will never falter, that can say all the right words (somehow in the last five minutes of the series), that won't provide the springboard for the modernity that comes about in Korra. They want his "redemption arc" to be about "redemption" in the Christian sense, the deliverance from sin and its consequences into a post-show afterlife of purity. The purpose of the Avatar and the lesson Aang both learns and teaches his friends is about aiming for balance and the value of humanity. That is the key value he brings from the air nomads, and it's the one Zuko has integrated for himself by the end of the series. It doesn't mean he did everything right by Aang once he joined the gaang, only that he stopped demanding perfection from himself and others, easing the frustration and self-hatred that had plagued him. He also doesn't need to blindly agree with Aang or Katara's ideas just because they were marginalized by his people (and him directly lol), but Zuko's field trips are all about him observing and supporting others, which requires him to accept that he has more to learn and that's okay.

Humility is so unpopular in the discourse where I'm at rn because it's seen as self-effacement, when, in fact, humility has more traditionally been understood as acknowledging and expressing gratitude for the people, circumstances, and gifts that have allowed you to be in the position your in and have the chance, skill, and responsibility to act. Aang expresses humility in the choices he makes to acknowledge his culture. Zuko does this as he acknowledges Aang and the guiding force of the Avatar.

[vhstown]

pavitr prabhakar ★ general headcanons

content/warnings: implied/mentions of death (his parents+uncle), mentions of bullying, gayatri x pavitr, written by a coconut who is not indian PLS CORRECT ME!!

a/n: the sunny boy himself... (ugly crying) I LOVE HIM. loosely based off of the scraps of canon that i could find. maybe a little projection... (i am desi) atsv version pavitr! written at midnight and not very edited 💀

For some background, Pavitr was born in Southern India (likely Tamil Nadu or Kerala) so one of his first languages was Tamil! A village / small town boy at heart.

After his parents passed at a young age he moved to Mumbattan with his Aunt Maya and Uncle Bihm (of course) and it is very very different!!!

Obviously Pavitr has to learn Hindi and Marathi properly in order to fit in AND English my boy has to be multi-lingual from the start...

Even from early on Pavitr was bullied because he didn't fit in with the city kids. Gets called pagal Prabhakar (crazy Prabhakar — a bit like puny Parker?) and a slew of other names because of his accent, how he mixes up the languages, and the fact that he lives with his aunt and uncle rather than his parents.

Eventually by the time he's in his early teens he "assimilates" in terms of the language and culture but he's a scrawny kid so he still gets bullied... kids are ruthless bro don't you got the JEE to study for 💀

God forbid if anyone found out about his emo phase at that time... Pavitr's just getting onto social media and when he sees the emo subculture he just takes it and runs. (He stops out of embarassment when his Aunt Maya finds out why he's stealing her kajal... There are photos out there somewhere.)

Also meets Gayatri during his lil emo phase. Definitely a chill popular girl and definitely sticks up for him (it's giving Indian Forest Gump... does anyone know about that adaptation 😭)

He's a bit hesitant about Gayatri at first since the popular kids kind of dogpile on him all the time but eventually they become a little duo and he crushes HARD

Enter hopeless romantic Pavitr he is the embodiment of the song "Love Spell" by Param Pannu (Spotify link it's a BOP)

Plus you know he's in love when he admits he had an emo phase to you... in the middle of his emo phase. (Gayatri has all those pictures saved by the way.)

Then comes Mumbattan Visions Academy!! (according to the wiki that's where he goes.)

Of course we know that Pavitr is quite naturally smart so the entrance exam is no problem (RAFFLE BOY like Miles 😊😊😊)

But he is so super concerned about getting in with Gayatri so a few weeks before the exams they're studying together (doing anything but study)

My girl Gayatri is trying to help him out and he has no idea what she's saying and she's so smart and literally knows twice the amount of info you need to know so my boy Pavitr is sweating BULLETS the day before (exam is so easy he thinks he's sitting the wrong one LMAO)

Pavitr does NOT want to stay at the dorms he'll defo miss his auntie and uncle too much (and his auntie's cooking) but he begrudgingly goes anyway...

Enter NADEESH (his universe's Ned counterpart I totally just made up...)

They're roomies and Nadeesh is from Bengal and they actually bond quite easily considering they're not from Mumbattan he's a STEM boy and has a love/hate relationship with it (super smart though maybe just not at school... gadget stuff 😱)

Pavitr doesn't know a LICK of Bangla but Nadeesh teaches him some perhaps to rizz up Gayatri... (they're all vulgar or swear words or words Pavitr picked up from hearing Nadeesh's mum speak on the phone 💀)

SPEAKING OF GAYATRI yeah she's slaying school and also has a lil modelling thing going on too. STEM girlie and fashion girlie and knows multiple languages (her father knows a couple considering he's an officer)

Pavitr is a hopeless romantic but he's just hopeless when he asks her out in Bangla trying to be cool and doesn't realise he called her a whore... (he's so going to kill Nadeesh.)

She finds it HILARIOUS though and they start dating and everyone lived happily ever after and NO ANCIENT YOGI TIME MY BOY IS SPIDER-MAN NOW 🤯🤯🤯🤯

I think Pavitr's initial approach to being Spider-Man is very... impractical. Given he's just gotten his powers and gotten his naturally buff abilities and always amazing hair (yes that is part of his powers) (yes he asked the yogi for it), he's very spontaneous and disorganised. He probably has the stupidest most impractical suit and sweats like HELL in it (kind of like the one in the comics?) My boy's grades kind of take a hit and so does his little freshman year relationship with Gayatri.

My guy Nadeesh is chill though he knows instantly like Pavitr isn't subtle about it... (they're both night owls and Nadeesh is like cramming asf and Pavitr swings in without thinking and he's just like... "okay dude I have a physics exam tomorrow idgaf 😭 wait but that so cool though can I help—")

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a— Okay his Uncle Bihm dies. You know how it goes.

Gayatri breaks up with him (it's exam season and she wants to "take a break".) His uncle is dead. He's flunking school (for real this time) Emo phase 2? Maybe not...

Pavitr ends up spending a lot more time with Maya and while he's a little irrationally spiteful he learns the importance of taking care of the little family he has left. Pavitr doesn't have the privilege of that multi-generational village household he had back when he was young, or parents like the rest of his classmates. It's just him and his aunt in that little apartment, a speck in the whole of Mumbattan, the place he has to protect and call home now.

Okay that got sad real fast but HE CHERISHES HIS AUNT hence why he always makes time to have chai with her, no matter how busy he is or how emo he's feeling.

His uncle Bihm had a couple traditional pieces of clothing and Maya makes him try them on. He feels a bit silly especially since he's gotten used to pushing away his culture and mainly speaking English at his new school but then his aunt starts tearing up and he starts tearing up and "you look just like your chacha" and UGH

After a while Pavitr gets himself together and decides to design himself a new suit. He takes inspiration from a couple of his uncle's fancier pieces and also Gayatri's first advert feature (my girl is going places!!!) so his outfit has a lot of meaning to him.

We gotta go BACK for the yo-yo though y'all. I'm so certain that Gayatri had a yo-yo when they were younger and he learnt it just to impress her... SO HE HAS A YO-YO AS PART OF HIS GEAR 😱😱😱

Of course these little signs add up and Gayatri is like half-sure he's Spider-Man (but not entirely cause when she's saved in the film she's a bit taken aback when he hugs her... my girl is smart but you always got a lil uncertainty!!! Maybe she figures it out after that though...)

Obviously he flunked those exams considering he was NOT studying while he was grieving and when Gayatri checks up on him he's of course not doing the greatest despite his little comeback. However...

"I can help you review if you want?" she asks him. Pavitr's smile comes back that day.

But my boy STILL CANNOT CATCH A BREAK because Gayatri's father gets promoted to Police Captain and is suddenly very protective of his daughter

There's a lot of awkward moments where Pavitr has to play off his association with Gayatri (puts the hopeless in hopeless romantic yet again.) No, she never told him they were dating before (and those pictures are in a SAFE trust) though they're not exactly dating now.

Gayatri is pretty indifferent about it all, to be fair. She doesn't exactly care if her father finds out (and hopefully she can tell him soon) but she also doesn't want her dad to be disappointed in her considering she looks up to him a lot.

A BIT OF GAYATRI HEADCANON but I feel like she's very academically gifted but doesn't exactly want to go into STEM? Fashion is her thing and she eventually might want to go into acting (like this girl in her classes called Meera Jain... OUUU rivalry but not really they're besties I fear)

Gayatri definitely gossips and gushes to Meera Jain about Pavitr like how he gossips and gushes to Nadeesh. They both give the other contrasting advice (they're still not together... SITUATIONSHIP 💀💀💀)

It's not as bad as when Pavitr called Gayatri a whore by accident but getting together again is definitely awkward when they go to get lassi at that very overpriced store that opened up that Pavitr most definitely cannot afford (smiles and fights to pay while a part of him dies inside)

Though their relationship is stronger this time! Pavitr does still have his secret as Spider-Man, but things are looking up! Especially when he finds out that he's not the only Spider-Man (ENTER ATSV CANON STORYLINE 😱😱😱)

Endless high school antics I love this dude and his lil friends

That's it for now I think THANK YOU FOR READING!! I so wish there was more content on him but I had to take matters into my own hands...

🕸️💫🪀

y'all better stop sleeping on pavitr now... HES SO AHHHH I LOVE HIM YOU DONF UNDERSTAND HES THE DUDE EVER

don't talk about my other wips. or why im uploading this at midnight.

ALSO if you are desi (particularly indian) please correct me OR FEEL FREE TO ADD ON i am so whitewashed and my boy needs to be done justice

reblogs so super appreciated! if you wanna read the rest of my atsv stuff click here :p

[cosmerelists]

Ranking Cosmere Planets By How Cool I Find Them

[Contains spoilers for all Cosmere! I'll list the books in the title so you can skip the ones relating to books you haven't read]

The Cosmere has some very cool planets: but which are the coolest? In this list, I will rank them by my own definition of cool, which I'm defining here as "Planets where my interest in past or future stories is chiefly driven by the nature of the world itself."

#13: UTol (From Yumi and the Nightmare Painter; this entry also contains a spoiler from The Sunlit Man)

UTol is the sky planet that Painter can see from the surface of his world, Komashi, and we get a glimpse of it just right at the end of Yumi. It's also possible we get a glimpse of the same world right at the end of The Sunlit Man, but I don't think that's confirmed. Anyway. It's an ocean world, and the inhabitants have four arms and may have originally been from Yolen. But we don't learn anything cool about the world itself, really. I guess the fact that it can always be seen even through the shroud that otherwise blankets Komashi--that's cool. But I don't know if that's UTol's doing. Maybe when we get more info, it will turn out this planet is super ultra cool and then I will look like a fool. But for now--eh. Oceans. With water? Yawn.

#12: First of Sun (From "Sixth of Dusk")

First of Sun is a hostile world with jungles and oceans and magic birds. It's cool--as all Cosmere worlds are in my opinion--but none of it had any special, extra coolness for me. I suppose I've never been much interested in parrots, and also its only feature story so far was quite short.

#11: Braize (From Stormlight Archives; this entry also contains a spoiler from The Sunlit Man)

I am legitimately curious about Braize, Roshar's "Hell" where the Fused were imprisoned by the Heralds. Like, what is Hell like in a material sense? I want someone to visit it (and I really want to know if Sigzil has been there himself, based on his mentioning a Hell visit during The Sunlit Man), and my curiosity makes it seem more cool. But not too cool, because for all we know, Braize is super boring. We just don't have enough info yet.

#10: Nalthis (From "Warbreaker")

Nalthis has some interesting things going on, planetarily. People don't always properly die, which anyone who cheated and already looked at my #1 planet already knows is something I enjoy. It has some unique cultures, which is also something I enjoy in a Sanderson world, although the differences are painted in pretty broad strokes. It's colorful. I don't know. I'm not super into Nalthis, but it definitely has some cool aspects.

#9: Taldain (From White Sand)

I have a shocking confession that I forgot to include in my authorial confessions list: I haven't actually read White Sand. At least, not more than a few pages before I got frustrated with how hard it was to read it on my phone, which is where I had access to it. Anyway. I do think the general set up of this planet is legitimately cool: tidal-locked, I think, with a Dayside and a Nightside which each have their own magic system. There's a lot of sand. Water matters. I think there are magic tattoos. So I can't rank this too highly myself simply because I don't actually know much about it, but it does seem "Top 10" cool.

#8: Scadrial (From Mistborn)

Scadrial has an advantage because it has Time Periods, and really is a pretty different world in Era 1 vs. Era 2. I have a dark fascination with Era 1 Scadrial: the ashfalls, the mist, the slow but inevitable apocalypse constantly creeping closer...would NOT want to visit, but it's cool to read about. Era 2 Scadrial is bright and shiny in comparison. I'm not much of a Wild West gal myself, but there are giraffes, and that ups any planet's coolness, even if it has lost its brooding volcanos. Oh! And I hope we hear more about the Southern Scadrians too.

#7: Sel (From Elantris and The Emperor's Soul)

I've been trying to judge these planets based on the planets themselves rather than on their magic systems...but on Sel, can you really separate those? The magic is based on geography, after all! Anyway, I like Sel because of the wild things going on with its pooled investiture. I don't understand computer programming and so I may or may not really get its magic, but I like the fact that it ranges from the stately, sometimes assholish Elantrians to Soul Stamping. It's all very cool.

#6: Lumar (From Tress of the Emerald Sea)

Lumar is very cool. Like, color-based aether seas that each react differently to water? Rain as a deadly but necessary thing? The color borders where one aether sea meets another? Sailing on something other than water?? I ate it all up. Tress's world is wild and creative and definitely lots of fun.

#5: Roshar (From Stormlight Archives)

It's hard to separate Roshar the planet from the people and stories there, as I think it's the Cosmere planet I've spent the most time on, metaphorically speaking. But I gotta say, the idea of a constant, world-spanning storm that spits out magic and death--that's cool. A whole world that's inhabited only by crab-versions of things? Well, I hesitate to call that cool exactly, but it is...something. Plus, so many different cultures and religions and ideas on Roshar, which I really enjoy.

#4: Canticle (From The Sunlit Man)

Listen, I love Threnodites. Wherever they pop up, they are doing wild things and refusing to properly die and having names that are...let's say unique. And Canticle is quite the interesting planet. Imagine--not being able to stay in one place because you're constantly fleeing from the deadly sun while trying not to get too far ahead lest to stray into the constant fire tornado. Imagine powering your ships with dead-people batteries and doing engineering with your captive ghost engineers. The place is tiny and super invested and also an incandescent lightbulb or something. Again, I would NOT want to visit but that world is damn cool.

#3: Komashi (From Yumi and the Nightmare Painter)

I think my love of Threnody really affects these top picks. Komashi doesn't have Threnodites, but it does have the weird creepy shadow monsters which I apparently...love? (Learning much about myself writing this.) But in all seriousness, I really like Komashi and I am so curious about it. The idea of Virtuosity and how she manifests as both magical paintings and magical rock stacking. I am so curious about the magenta and cyan coloring and how Sanderson says its based on printers somehow and that yes there is one color missing (what??). The way the inhabitants just lived in a thick shadow sludge with lights creating small habitable zones...like, again, horrifying but such a cool and creative world to explore.

#2: Yolen (No books so far)

Maybe Yolen is super boring. But it is SO mysterious that it can't help but be cool. I mean, this is where the Shattering happened! I think it's where Hoid is from. I think there are dragons. It's just gotta be cool, right?

#1: Threnody (From Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell)

But my favorite planet, for whatever reason, is Threnody. I am dying for another story set on that planet. I am so curious about what the Evil is, and I want to hear more about the people living in the literal Forests of Hell. The Shadows and the rules that you have to follow to survive them, the use of silver, the fact that Threnodites just can't catch a fucking break. I am fascinated by all of it, and I think that Threnody is the coolest planet in the Cosmere.

[walesfootball]

Shyness Is Nice - Mapi León x Reader

Haven't posted for a while. This fic has been written, re-written, scrapped, and annoyed me for a long time now. But I'm happy enough with it to show it to you. It's alright. Let me know what you think.

This was requested by @dying-to-live-living-to-die who wanted a shy and Swedish Reader. Mapi wants to know more about them. I took the idea and ran with it, hope it's okay.

You had accepted an offer to play at a dream team of yours. Barcelona. You’d never been to the city, let alone travelled to Spain. Your bucket list was full of things you wanted to do, but never had the courage to actually do. This was you pushing the boat out, dipping your toes into the water. It felt more like thrusting your body into the deep sea, but you knew this move would be good for you. A new city, new people, a new team, and a new culture to soak up.

You grew up in a small southern town in Sweden, Ystad. You loved it. You woke up every morning to the sound of the sea. A small house set by the harbor; your father was a fisherman while your mother was a professional handball player. The small football team in Ystad had crumbled to nothing. Every game had been lost, and every footballer in the small town had turned their craft to handball. It was natural, the sport was huge in such a small place. Your mother had tried to push you to try it, but it never appealed to you.

Your mother would drive you to the nearby city of Malmö where football was bigger. You loved it. You couldn’t get enough of the sport. Wherever you went you’d take a football with you. You’d train on your own during the week in Ystad, and train with others like you in Malmö.

You were scouted by Chelsea very early on in your career. They saw something in you that you had not cared to see before. You only wanted to play football, you didn’t think there were any professional leagues out there. Football wasn’t shown on TV in Ystad and the internet was rare. You were 18 when you got that call. Your father had pushed you to go, wanting you to make something of yourself to make your small town proud. Your mother was more reluctant to let you go, she didn’t like the thought of someone so young venturing out in a city as big as London. But you went anyway. Caught a plane from Malmö to London. It was possibly not the most clever thing you’d ever done, but it was the greatest thing you’d ever done.

You didn’t know anyone, you felt uncomfortable in a city so huge, and football seemed more like a money-grabbing machine to you now. You caved into yourself. You missed home, you missed your family, and you missed everyone knowing everything about you. But you carried on playing. You’d never get a chance like this ever again. 

You earned a name for yourself. Playing in the WSL and the Champions League earned you the title of one of the best midfielders in the game. You didn’t think anything of it. You felt uncomfortable during media duties and social media escapades that Chelsea would push you to do. You didn’t have the heart to tell them you couldn’t be bothered and only wanted to play football, so you caved into yourself, even more, becoming overwhelmed with the attention.

You were called up to the Swedish National Team during the Olympics. It was such a huge stage for your first time playing for your country. You felt honoured wearing the yellow and blue kit. Your family couldn’t be there due to the Covid restrictions but would send you pictures and videos of them watching you wearing your Sweden jersey at home in Ystad. Your number 34 becoming almost legendary for the Swedish team. It was like Zlatan Ibrahimović’s number 10 or Magdalena Eriksson’s number 6. It was a big deal. Playing for Sweden made you feel at home. It revitalised your love for football again and would constantly remind you of why you started to play in the first place.

You’d won the gold medal in your first-ever international competition. You cried tears of joy as you leaned on your best friend's shoulder, Fridolina Rolfö. She knew what it was like to come from a small town and move to a big city. She’d made the move from the small town of Linköping to Munich in Germany. She felt so lost and hopeless, a bit like you. She shared your fears and anxiety, helping you through most of your troubles.

So when you had the call from your agent telling you that Barcelona was very interested in your signature, you couldn’t turn it down. You called Frido as soon as you found out, but nobody was as excited as her. You tried to share that excitement with her, but you were having doubts again.

“I really want to come to Barcelona, but I’m not good enough. I won’t fit in. And I’m not a cool person to be around, I don’t have anything interesting to say. They won’t like me and-”

“Can you just be quiet for one second?” Frido calmly yet significantly annoyed stopped you, “You are one of the best players I’ve ever seen. Not only that, but everyone in Barcelona thinks that too. You need to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you, this team believes in you, your family believes in you, and the whole town of Ystad. They will finally see one of their people make it out of there, winning things like the Champions League! You have to believe in yourself, not just for the people that love you deeply, but for your future self. You’ll regret not coming if you say no. I know you will.”

You didn’t need to think about it. Frido was right. Your whole life you had never taken risks, apart from joining Chelsea. And even then you only went because your father had basically forced you on the plane. This was your chance to get out there and beat your anxious thoughts from arising every time you wanted to try something new, but a magnet was stopping you each and every time. Whether that other magnet was stuck to your bed or just your house in general. That magnet was your comfort zone, and as much as you tried, you couldn’t escape from it. This was your time to break free from it.

“Okay, I’m packing! My flight is next week.”

“Yes! I’m so excited to see you! I’ll pick you up from the airport.” Frido squealed.

You felt the excitement leaking through the phone’s speaker.

You packed everything necessary, possibly a bit too much but you were never one for the minimalist lifestyle. Your football gear, your own clothes, your shyness, your shoes, your toiletries, your crippling anxiety, your laptop and chargers for everything, your intense fear of new things, and your passport and important documents. Everything is packed, you think.

Getting on the plane was your worst nightmare. You were flying alone, and turbulence was your worst enemy. You liked traveling with someone. Just someone to talk to and to distract you while the plane was dancing in the air.

As soon as you landed, you grabbed your carry-on and almost ran for your luggage. You’d messaged Frido to say you had landed and had received many emojis back. She had a language with emojis that never made sense to you, but you loved her anyway. You grabbed your two suitcases and walked quickly towards the double doors where you knew Frido would be waiting for you. You could see her from a mile away, towering above everyone else. She shot you a massive smile, as you ran towards her, dropping your bags as you got close enough and jumping in her arms.

“I’ve missed you so much!” You said excitedly into her shoulder.

“I’m so excited that you’re here!” Frido put you back down on the floor, “Oh, and two people wanted to come with me to meet you.”

You looked behind her to see a blonde woman with tattoos scattered over her arms and an obvious one on her throat. You’d never been mesmerised by a person like this before. Her face was carved perfectly. An old painter like Da Vinci or Michelangelo could’ve painted her. Her brown eyes bore deep into your soul as she gave you a soft smile. Not for the first time, you were lost for words. Words don’t come easily, but you lost your entire vocabulary taking in this woman before you.

“This is Mapi, and this is Sandra.” Frido must not have noticed you staring at this wonder before your eyes. Sandra definitely had, giving you a knowing smile before taking one of your bags in her arms.

“Hi.” You were so disappointed in yourself. Was that all you could say?

They chuckled, with Mapi staring at you a little longer before grabbing your other bag.

“You don’t have to do that.” You stated quietly.

“No, I want to. You must be tired from travelling.” Mapi smiled at you as the four of you began walking. Frido and Sandra led the way as you and Mapi trailed behind.

“Welcome to Barcelona. I can’t wait to play with you. You’re one of the best players I’ve ever seen.” She winked at you, and you could no longer function. Not that you were beforehand.

“Thank you. I’m excited to play with you too. Not only you, of course, everyone else. Not that I don’t think you’re good or anything, because I think you’re amazing. A really good defender in fact. And I’m happy I’m not playing against you because that would be horrible because you’re so good.” You rambled. You tried biting your tongue, but couldn’t stop. It was like the dam broke and the only thing holding it together was tape, which leaked all the way through.

“I forgot to mention that she can’t talk around pretty women.” The look of horror on your face as Frido turned around to share that piece of information had you wanting to dig a grave. Why would she say that?!

You didn’t even chance a look at Mapi. Had you, you would’ve seen her with a soft look on her face, looking at you the exact way you had been looking at her. Her smile never left her face as soon as she’d set eyes on you. Mapi loved watching you play, and would watch the Chelsea and Sweden games as often as she could, which was more than she’d like to admit. If anyone were to ask her why she was watching Chelsea and Sweden specifically, she would say she was scoping out the competition. You always looked like you had fun on the pitch, your smile never leaving your face. You played the game with ease, something Mapi hadn’t ever seen. You made difficult long passes look easy as they glided through the air straight to the feet of your teammate with accuracy. You scored goals just for fun, and assist your teammates close to every game.

Frido, of course, would talk about you to her teammates. Boasting. The Barcelona team was excited to meet their new teammate because of this. They were excited to get to know the person you were on and off the pitch.

The car journey to your new flat was daunting. You sat next to Mapi in the backseat.

“So you come from Sweden, no? Beautiful place.” Sandra had said from the front seat.

“Yes, it’s beautiful. I’m from Ystad in the south of Sweden. You should go some time.” You smiled, thinking of home.

“I love visiting the smaller towns nobody goes to. There’s more character to them.” Mapi offers.

“You would love Ystad! It’s quiet and everyone is so kind. Many people would rather go to Stockholm or Gothenburg. And I love those places too, but there’s so much more to see in such a beautiful country like Sweden.” You grinned while looking out the window, loving the look of Barcelona already.

“I would love for you to show me around sometime.”

Your head swiveled quickly over to where Mapi sat, widely smiling at your reaction. You could feel yourself malfunctioning again. You laughed awkwardly and brushed it off as if she wasn’t telling the truth. Frido smiled through the rearview mirror at the both of you. You had moved to look back out the window, while Mapi looked toward you.

——

After settling into your flat, the three girls left you to your thoughts. As you were unpacking, you thought of what you could have said. You looked around the flat, your new home. It was mainly empty; only consisting of a small fridge, kitchen appliances, a washing machine, and a bed. You’d need to use this week to make your house a home. At least you had a bed to sleep in tonight, you thought. You started making a list of all of the things you’d need to buy, all ready for tomorrow. You were exhausted from traveling, it was weird thinking you had woken up in London and would now be sleeping in Barcelona. You changed into your brother's old t-shirt and a pair of sleeping shorts and retired to bed. Everything will have to wait until the morning.

——

You had made several trips to the nearby IKEA in order to buy some decor and furniture for your home. You had only managed to build a comfortable armchair. Looking around the room you took in the several cardboard boxes full of new furniture. You weren’t good at building things. There was a new coffee table needing building on one side of the room, a clothes rack next to your bedroom, and a small dining table in the middle of the room. As you were about to fetch some water from the kitchen where your new utensils were scattered on the kitchen surface, you heard a knock on the door. You’re sure Frido said she was going on a date with her boyfriend, so you had no idea who it could be. It’s not like you knew anyone.

Opening the door, you were met with Mapi, holding a bottle of red wine in her hands.

“Hola. I thought you’d like some company after your first full day in Barcelona. And it looks like you need it.” She said as she peered in to see the mess that was in your flat.

Your shoulders dropped, happy to see her, “I didn’t realise how hard it would be to build things.”

She laughed, as you stood aside to let her in. You walked to the kitchen, trying to find wine glasses.

“How have you been so far? Is it weird living on your own, or is that a regular thing for you?” Mapi made herself at home, sitting on one of the many boxes. The sofa was delivered the next day.

“I have never lived on my own before. It’s so weird. I go to tell someone something about my day or a thought I have, but nobody’s there. I’m not the biggest fan,” You had finally found the wine glasses, bringing them into the living room, “I’m sorry, I haven’t put anything up yet.”

“Don’t worry about it. I expected an empty house when I knocked. I’m lucky that I have a cat to live with. I don’t know what I’d do without him. But I’ve moved around a little too, not as far as you have, but around Spain so I can relate.” Mapi opened the bottle of wine, pouring some into both glasses and handing you one.

“Thank you so much.”

“Not a problem. Frido mentioned you were very nervous about coming over here, so I wanted to welcome you properly.” She smiled.

“I am a little. I’m quite nervous to meet everyone tomorrow.” You took a deep breath. You had no idea how they’d take to you. Would they like you? Would they think you’re too weird? What would they think? A mass of questions flooding through your mind, clearly a panicked look on your face as Mapi reached her hand out to tap you on your thigh, she had now joined you down on the carpet where you had settled.

“Hey. We’re not that bad.” Mapi laughed a little.

“I know. Frido talks about all of you so much I feel like I know you already.” You smiled back at her, noticing her hand had remained on your thigh. Your skin had warmed up beneath her hand, a warmth you weren’t exactly accustomed to. It’s fair to say that you knew nothing about being in a relationship. You’d had your first kiss when you were 13 years old, and you didn’t want to count that as your first kiss. A boy who lived on your street, and is now a nobody to you. As you got a little bit older, you realised it was girls who made your heart race and stomach explode with butterflies. You’d never been in a relationship with a girl before… or anyone for that matter. It never bothered you as you were always busy with football to have a social life. But looking at this beautiful girl before your eyes, trying to make your first few days in Barcelona a bit more comfortable and welcoming… you couldn’t help but be enamoured.

“We’re a nice group, I can promise you that. And if there’s anything I can do to make life here in Barcelona a little easier, I’d be more than happy to do it.”

“You’ve only just met me. I could be the leader of a drugs cartel and get you to do all of my dirty work.” You took more sips of your wine, the alcohol giving you some confidence. You don’t drink often, so when you do it does seemingly go straight to your head.

“No offense, but you don’t seem the type to be into something like that.” Mapi laughed at the absurdness of your statement.

“You never know!” You threw your hands up in your defence.

“Oh, I know. I know I’ve only just met you, but I can’t see you doing something like that. You’re too beautiful.” Mapi tilted her head to the side, watching your reaction with a coy smile on her face.

Your face was burning, and it wasn’t from the amount of alcohol you were consuming every minute. How do you take a compliment? What do you say back? You weren’t used to compliments, apart from in football terms, what are you going to do?

“Pablo Escobar was a drug lord.” Yep. That’ll do it.

Mapi raised her eyebrows, her smile growing, but her eyes gave away the fact that you’d made an absolute idiot of yourself once again.

“Do you think Pablo Escobar was too beautiful to be a drugs lord or something?” Mapi giggled, as you cried on the inside. Next stage of making a fool of yourself: deflect!

“More wine?” You filled your wine glass to the brim. If you were going to make an idiot out of yourself, you’d rather not remember anything about it. Mapi nodded and offered her glass out to you, which you gladly filled.

“Do you want some help with building these things,” Mapi laid her hand down on one of the many boxes adorning the flat, “We might not get much done, but I heard that if you build things while drinking wine you get things done quicker.”

You laughed, “Wouldn’t you rather be elsewhere than helping me with this furniture?”

“No. Not really. You’re good company and I’m also very good at building things.”

Mapi had taken to build the coffee table, while you’d opted to build the clothes rail. You’d thought the clothes rail would be a little easier with alcohol in your system. After figuring out which pieces went where, your eyes wandered over to Mapi and the coffee table, which was literally all of the pieces of wood laid on the floor with a confused Mapi staring at the screws.

“Are you okay over here?” You asked as you walked over to her position.

“Yes, of course. I just can’t figure out which screws are the right screws.” She held up the two differently shaped screws to your face, pleading with you to agree with her.

“I’m not a genius, but I’d probably pick that screw because it’s the right size.” You gave her a tight-lipped smile, as she looked at you and then at the screws again.

“Yes, I was just testing you. I want you to learn from the master of building things.” Mapi grabbed one of the legs of the coffee table, while you were still staring at her, humour sparkling in your eyes. Mapi threw the leg to the floor in frustration.

“I thought you said you were good at building things?!” You laughed.

“I was before the wine! I promise!” Mapi looked at you with the frustration still leaking through her veins, but couldn’t help but laugh along with you.

“I don’t believe you.” Mapi laughed, even more, the night going on with nothing fixed but wine in your systems. You felt good around Mapi. She made you feel instantly comfortable in an environment that made you nervous the second you received a phone call from your agent to say Barcelona was interested. Having at least two friends here in Frido and Mapi made all the difference.

——

Mapi had left very early in the morning after falling asleep next to you on the carpet. Was it comfortable? Absolutely not. But it was nice to spend time with one of your teammates. You now had to meet the rest of them. The team was training today, while you had a few things to sign, meeting your new teammates and the staff, and having a day of social media duties. You were nervous at how you’d come across, but a little excited for the day ahead. Walking into the large building with the training pitch, you were amazed. This is where some of the world’s best players trained, and some of your favourite players too.

One of the Barcelona staff took you to the changing rooms to change into your new training kit and to meet the team. You walked in and the whole room went quiet. Your nerves came back, a small sweat dripping down the back of your neck. You took a deep shaky breath in as you looked around the room. The silence felt like it went on for 10 hours when in actuality it was five seconds. Alexia was the first player up to you, with a massive smile on her face and her hand reaching out to shake yours. You wiped the palm of your hand in your shorts, ridding it of sweat, before returning the handshake.

“Hola. My name is Alexia. It’s good to meet you finally.” You liked that she introduced herself like that, even if you’re pretty sure the whole world knows who she is.

“Hi.” It came out like a rushed whisper, cursing yourself inwardly, feeling like an idiot yet again. Alexia didn’t seem to mind, almost as if she was expecting that answer.

“Your locker is right there with your training kit.” Alexia pointed towards the last locker which had been set up for you: the number 26. You sat next to Emma Ramírez. 

“Thank you.” Before you could sit down and get changed, it felt like a tsunami of people attacked you after Alexia left to change herself.

“I’m Patri. I’ve been so excited to meet you. You’re a very good midfielder.” Patri pulled you into a quick hug, pulling back and holding you back by your shoulders to get a proper look at you.

“Thank you so much.” You smiled back at her, you couldn’t believe one of the best midfielders in the world had said that to you.

“Hi. I’m Claudia!” The smaller girl hugged you. You didn’t realise how affectionate Spanish girls could be, with almost all of them pulling you into a hug. You were thrown from Claudia into Mariona, who then pushed you towards Laia Codina, who wanted you to meet Aitana, who called for Jana to talk to you. You hadn’t said a word other than ‘thank you' and your name. You were getting so overwhelmed with everything that you almost ran out of the room to cool down until you felt a pair of hands grab your hips and pull you back into their body. Their hands wrapped around your torso, which felt really safe to you.

“Okay, give her some breathing space. You have all season to talk to her.” It was Mapi. The relief flooded through you as you spun around to see her dressed in her training kit.

“Hi again.” You gave her a wide smile, a little too happy to see her.

“Hola. I’m sorry about the girls, they can be a little excited, especially when someone new comes in. But I told you there’s nothing to worry about.” Mapi rubbed her hands up your arms, trying to comfort your nervous state.

“It’s fair to say I wasn’t expecting that much love.” You chuckled. Mapi walked you over to your locker where she sat next to you and joked about last night while you got changed. You usually wouldn’t be comfortable getting changed next to somebody you barely even knew, but something about Mapi gave you a warm feeling.

“Mapi! Stop hogging the new girl! I want to talk to her!” Patri shouted across the dressing room, Mapi turning red as you turned to look at her giggling.

Before anyone could say anything, most of the team was out of the door and running onto the training pitch, but you were dragged away to do some media duties with the promise of joining them with the training sessions the next day.

——

You were resting at home when you realised what a good day you had. The next day you had the opportunity to actually play football, which is what you were here for. You didn’t care about anything else, other than playing football which is what you would consider your first love. No person could ever compare.

——

You were the first in the dressing room. You slept okay until around 4 o’clock in the morning, and couldn’t get back to sleep. You opened the curtains to the darkness, still looking like nighttime to you as the lampposts below on the street were still lit up, and not a soul on the street. The training facilities were open early at 5 as there is a gym connected to the facility, which you were thankful for. You got there by 5.30 and didn’t leave until 6.30. Training would start at 7 so you weren’t sure if anyone would be there yet.

Walking in you found Alexia, Irene, and Sandra getting changed. Alexia takes a double take to see you walking over to your locker.

“You’re here early?” Alexia questioned.

“I couldn’t sleep very well.” You smiled up at Alexia before sitting down on the bench and grabbing your kit.

“Excited, huh?” Irene asked, smiling at your apparent eagerness.

“Yeah… something like that.” You smiled and continued to get changed. You didn’t want to go into too much detail with them, not wanting to bother them.

Walking onto the pitch, you felt good. You took a deep breath as you looked out onto the green grass with the footballs scattered around the place. This was where you felt most comfortable and yourself. The rest of the girls came on to start their training, talking amongst each other. Mapi walked out with a frown on her face, which turned into a smile when she saw you on the pitch. She jogged up to you.

“I thought you were late, or ill.”

“That’s not how I would’ve wanted to start at Barca.” You chucked along with Mapi.

“Ready for your first training session?”

“I think so.”

“You’ll be amazing. Just play like you always do.”

And you did just that. You danced away from the defenders, slotting in goal after goal, tackling others. Sandra Panos, Alexia, and Irene were all standing on the side in awe, staring at the way you were on the pitch. The confidence oozed out of you as you ran up the wing, looking up to boot a perfect ball towards Claudia’s feet, the perfect assist to her goal. You were a machine on the pitch.

A break was called. The three veterans’ eyes followed you as you sat down quietly on your own and drank your water. They couldn’t believe the difference between the person you were on the pitch and off the pitch. They were the complete opposite person. They saw Mapi sit down beside you, soft smiles now on their lips, as they see your body leaning in towards Mapi’s. Neither of you said anything, but no one needed to. It was like the both of you were communicating through brainwaves or something.

———

A few weeks later after training, Mapi was adamant that she’d walk you home. She almost begged you at one point. It struck Mapi that she didn’t actually know a lot about you, but that you knew a lot about her. She loved your company. Something about you was enamouring to her, even after a few weeks of knowing you. But you were more of a listener and loved asking Mapi questions. Mapi loved talking so it never bothered her, but she needed to know more about you. The team was constantly asking Mapi about you, wanting to know a little more than you let on.

As the both of you were walking back to yours, Mapi had her mission objective and was adamant about completing it.

“I want to know more about you.”

“Like what? I’m an open book.” You were more than happy to share with Mapi. She’d become the closest friend you’d made since coming to Spain.

“You’re a very closed book. A book with a lock over it. And chains. And-“

“Alright! I get it. I don’t know. I just feel more comfortable keeping myself to myself. Standing back and being quiet. I’m from a small and quiet town, so I’m used to being… you know?”

“Small and quiet?”

“Yeah. Words are valuable. I’d rather speak when it matters, rather than just say something stupid. And trust me, I feel like I always say something stupid around you.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you’re amazing. And I like that you’re quiet. It doesn’t make me think any less of you. I think you’re perfect just the way you are.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry that I’m like this.”

“Don’t ever apologise. Please. I just want to know more about you. The whole team does. Because we really like you and want you to be as comfortable as possible.”

“That means a lot to me.”

“So…”

“Um… my favourite colour is green? Is that the type of facts you’re after?”

“Sure. Favourite club?”

“Arsenal.”

“Y/N! Really? You’re meant to say Barcelona.”

“But then you wouldn’t know the real me!”

Mapi started asking some quick-fire questions, even writing some of your answers down on her phone like when your birthday was and your favourite food. A keen smile never left your face the whole evening you and Mapi spoke. The more you were in Barcelona, the more that heavy weight of anxiety was lifting off your chest. And a certain tattooed blonde had a lot to do with it.

————

The next few months you and Mapi got closer and closer. She kept wanting to learn more about you. The both of you were over at each other’s houses, having dinner together, Mapi *trying* to help you build the furniture in your flat, and the both of you always sitting next to each other in meetings and team dinners. Wherever Mapi was, you were never far from her side, and vice versa. The team quickly got used to it, placing bets on when the both of you would get together.

The pre-season had finished, and you were ready for the start of the season.

Your first away game was against Atletico Madrid. You took a deep breath while looking around the stadium. A small section dedicated to the Barcelona fans where you could see them waving the flags around, holding up signs, and cheering already. You felt like you belonged somewhere; a feeling you’d never really become accustomed to before. Of course, you belonged to Ystad, your home and place of birth, but in Barcelona, you had people who shared the same love for football as you did.

Looking behind you, you saw Leila giving you a thumbs-up and a wide smile. You couldn’t help but chuckle at her positivity which always radiated off of her. Looking to your right you saw Alexia, the captain, looking straight ahead. Her gaze was the complete opposite of Leila’s. She was ready and nothing could stop her from winning this game. Casting your eyes to the player before you was Frido, your favourite person. She was in game mode like Alexia, and nothing could break her out of it. You looked behind you again to find Mapi already looking at you. When she noticed you looking back she softly smiled. She gave you a small nod as if to ask if you were okay, to which you nodded back.

You turned back around, with a similar look on your face to Alexia and Frido. You were ready for this game.

——

You ran for most of the game. Your running stats must be through the roof. You assisted Alexia’s goal in the 23rd minute and scored two goals of your own. You couldn’t believe it. Frido was the first to get to you when you scored your first away goal for Barcelona. Mapi assisted your second with a well-placed free kick. You ran back to her position where Mapi lifted you up into the air. The rest of the team made it to you, hugging you with words of praise. Mapi stayed next to you, keeping her arm around your waist. The team had left the both of you two it, with Mapi hugging you again and bringing you back into her.

“I’m so proud of you, amor.” Mapi kisses your cheek. No one had ever looked at you in a way that Mapi looks at you. She made your world spin a little bit faster. She made your love for football shift to the side a little, allowing her to take over your head. Mapi dominated your thoughts every minute of the day. No one has ever made you feel this way. It scared you, but for the first time, it excited you. Something that wasn’t football made you excited. Mapi always made you feel safe, wanted, and enough. You wanted to take her home to Sweden, and you wanted to share all of your triumphs with her.

It was the 83rd minute when things got a little messier. You were charging up the left wing when your legs were taken out from underneath you. You didn’t see who it was that tackled you. You could only grab onto your ankle which began throbbing. Frido ran to you as quick as she could.

“Are you okay? It’s your ankle? Do you think you can walk?” Frido rambled, reminding you a little bit of yourself.

“Yeah… I think I’m alright.” The pain subsided as you got up and walked on it gently. The medics not needing to come on. Raised voices were heard as the both of you turned around to see Mapi holding the Atleti player, who you could only guess had tackled you, by her collar. No one had ever seen Mapi so angry. Alexia tried to pull her away by her shoulders and Leila tried to get in between the two players. The veins coursing through Mapi’r arms were apparent with how strongly she gripped this poor girl.

“Maps! I’m okay!” You shouted towards her. Her gaze flickered over to you momentarily but shook her head.

“She could’ve hurt you badly!” She glanced at you once again and quickly back at the player. One of the Atleti players moved out of the way so you could see the player's name was Latorre. You knew she was a good midfielder and had been chasing after you all game. She clearly had gotten frustrated and took it out on you. You couldn’t blame her. It had happened to you in several games. But no teammate of yours had ever reacted this way towards the other player.

“You could’ve broken her ankle!” Mapi pushed Latorre to the floor. Alexia and Leila took the chance to grab Mapi and pull her back, pushing her toward Sandra’s goal. You looked up at Frido, asking her silently what you should do. She shook her head as the both of you watched Mapi with steam coming out of her ears and pushing Alexia away. You’d never seen her like this. What was up with her? You debated running up to her to calm her down, but with Frido’s steady arm holding your shoulder, it wasn’t something you were prepared to do.

You watch the referee blowing her whistle, trying to get Mapi’s attention. The ref’s hand was dangerously close to her back pocket. This couldn’t be happening. Mapi turned around to see a red card flung her way. Your eyes widen. Surely that wasn’t red card worthy. Alexia shook her head in disappointment, while Sandra put her head in her gloves. Mapi walked off the pitch, muttering in Spanish under her breath. You were stuck. You couldn’t move from the spot your feet had been planted in. Frido had let you go, not knowing what to do after that shocking red card. It was stupid what she had done, probably yellow card worthy, but everyone knew if they argued with this ref they’d get a booking. The ref was notorious for stupid bookings, but this was a new feat.

After the game had finished, you went around shaking the other team's hands and congratulating them on a good game. Thinking you’d finished, you began walking through the tunnel to make your way back into the dressing room. You felt a tap on your back. As you turned around you saw Latorre with a sorry smile on her face as she reached out her hand for you to shake, which you took.

“I’m so sorry for that tackle. You were too good for me to stop most times…”

“No, it’s fine. I completely understand.” You smiled back at her. Before you could carry on your walk to get changed you felt her pull you back.

“I would love to apologise properly to you. Maybe over dinner?” Latorre said bluntly. You couldn’t believe your luck. You had never been asked out on a date, and you’d been in Spain for a few months and a date is already on the table?! Unbelievable. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, not a sound coming out. She was attractive, sure, but she wasn’t blonde, she didn’t have an art gallery of tattoos adorning her body, and her name wasn’t Maria. These were deal breakers for you. You looked into her eyes and realised that you liked Mapi, probably more than Mapi will ever know. And this girl had been the final nail in the coffin for you to help you realise that.

“Or you could even come back to mine?” Latorre looked you up and down, biting her lip, winking at you. Your face cringed at her arrogance. Mapi was never like this. You still hadn’t said anything. Cursing yourself again, a body came between you and Latorre.

“Back off. She won’t be going out to dinner with you, and she definitely will not be going to your house.” It was Mapi. She had been keeping a watchful eye on you ever since she saw Latorre approaching you. She never did like Latorre.

“It’s your bodyguard, Y/L/N. You don’t answer for her, Maria. Let the girl make up her own mind. I asked her, not you.” Latorre never took her eyes off of you. You gripped onto the back of Mapi’s shirt for your safety. You hated confrontation more than anything, and the fact that they were fighting over you was even worse. You tried tugging Mapi back, a signal for her to wrap up this conversation and walk with you. She wasn’t budging. Mapi took a step forward, threatening Latorre to do something.

“She’s busy tonight.”

“You’re right. She is. With me, having dinner.” Latorre smiled again, talking through her teeth.

“Just leave her alone. If she wanted to be with you, she would’ve said ‘yes’ instantly. Now move.” Mapi pushed Latorre, which was returned.

“Mapi, leave her. She’s not worth it.” Your words were meaningless to Mapi as Latorre kept pushing her not only with her hands but with her words. Mapi punches Latorre, with the former falling to the floor. The look she gives Mapi from the floor is one of anger as she gets up quickly and rugby tackles her into the wall. You could only stand there staring at the both of them in shock. Latorre holds Mapi by the collar of her shirt, punching her back. You were shaken out of your frozen position with Mariona stepping in front of you and pushing you back, asking if you were okay and how the fight had started. Alexia and Patri were pulling Mapi back into the changing room with blood mainly streaming from her fists.

You don’t see Mapi when you walk back with Mariona. Her bag and shoes are gone. You change as quickly as you could as you raced onto the bus, looking around to find the ever-present blonde who had taken over your life. She was nowhere to be found. You shrugged down into your seat, popped your earphones in, and looked out the window. The team began coming onto the bus, the journey back to the hotel a short one. You were the last off the bus as the nerves of seeing Mapi overtook you suddenly. She must’ve been angry with you. You did nothing to help her as she fought with another, you just stood there watching it all happen. You could’ve said ‘no’ straight away instead of stuttering, but you didn’t. You felt so stupid and useless. Of course, she was angry with you. And now she’s hurt because of you.

Getting off the bus with your bag on your back, you noticed a flowerbed in front of the hotel. There were yellow flowers on the left, orange flowers in the middle, and pink ones on the left. You looked around, looking for any of the staff, as you seized your chance and grabbed a few of each colours. They wouldn’t mind, you thought.

Running up to the room you and Mapi shared, you opened the door and then knocked, not wanting to disturb Mapi if she didn’t feel like visitors.

“This is your room too… you don’t need to knock.” You heard Mapi from inside the room, weirdly you could hear a smile in her voice. You peeped your head around to see her. She was laying down on the top covers of her bed, her phone in her hand, and her eyes waiting for you to walk in.

“Sorry. I didn’t know if you’d be in the mood for people or not.”

“I’m always in the mood for you.” Mapi smiled as you blushed furiously. She sat up, never taking her eyes off of you.

“I got you these as an apology. I know that it’s literally nothing but-” You had your eyes on the flowers, not wanting to look at however Mapi was looking at you.

“What do you have to apologise for?”

“Well… everything? I should’ve done something or, better yet, said something. It’s my fault you were sent off, and it’s my fault you got into that fight, and it’s my fault you’re bleeding, and it’s my fault you’re angry…”

Mapi had gotten up as she saw the panicked look on your face, “Amor. Stop.” Her hands rested on your hips, as she leaned down to make eye contact with you, “I’m not angry. I mean… I was. But not with you. With Latorre. None of this is your fault. Maybe I could have reacted better on the pitch and with Latorre, but I can’t help myself with you. You bring something out of me.”

“But I should’ve pushed her away or something, or told her to go away, you know?”

Mapi laughed slightly, “That’s not you though. You didn’t make today an easy game for her, and she got frustrated and took you out. Asking you out after doesn’t make any sense to me, but I didn’t like how she was with you. Trying to push you to say yes. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. You deserve to be treated like a princesa.”

No one had ever looked at you the way Mapi was looking at you now. Mapi’s right hand had moved up to cup your cheek, her lips impossibly close to yours. She looked down at your soft lips, biting her own in the process.

“I don’t know about that. I’m just me.” You whispered.

“And I wouldn’t change you for the world,” Mapi whispered back.

Mapi leaned in, waiting for you to lean into her. You hadn’t had your first kiss yet, not a proper first kiss anyway. What if you were an awful kisser? What if this put Mapi off you for good? After a second of stalling, you leaned in towards Mapi. She felt the shaky breath you gently let out. She wanted you to decide what to do here, not wanting to push you to do something you didn’t want to do or weren’t ready for.

Before you could completely lean in, there was a knock on the door. You jumped back, clearing your throat, feeling a little awkward now. Mapi held your chin, forcing you to look at her. She smiled at you once the eye contact was made, and kissed your cheek before moving passed you to get to the door. You went to sit down on the bed as Mapi spoke to one of the staff at the door. Something about her red card and being suspended in the next game. Everyone knew it would happen, but you didn’t hear the rest of the conversation as your leg bounced nervously up and down, and your heart beating loudly that you’re sure Mariona and Aitana could hear it in the room next door.

You heard the door close and the bed dipping where Mapi had sat next to you. The both of you sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I’ve never…” you gulped and shook your head. You had to tell her the truth, “I’ve never done this before.”

“Never done what?” Mapi watched as your leg continued to bounce and how you were playing with your fingers continuously.

You looked to your right where Mapi was, still pulling and pinching at your fingers. You felt so embarrassed. “I’ve never been on a date before. I’ve never… you know… kissed anyone. I’m at level one, compared to whatever level you’re at.”

Mapi chuckled a little. You put your head in your hands, terrified that she thought that low of you and thought it was funny.

“I’m not laughing at that. Sorry. I just liked that you said you’re at level one. I’ve never heard anyone say it like that before.” Mapi laughed again but moved a little closer to you so your thighs were touching, “I don’t think differently of you. I’m happy you told me though.”

You looked up towards Mapi, who was still looking at you the same way she did the first day she met you at the airport. That look of wonder and affection. Mapi reached out to wipe the tears that had escaped you, cradling your cheek almost the same way she did a few minutes before, with the same care and gentleness.

“Please don’t be embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with when or if these things happen. I just want you to know that I really like you.”

“I like you too. A lot.”

“Really?” Mapi sounded almost surprised.

“Obviously.” You smiled brightly at her. “Is it okay if we go really slow though?”

“Like level zero type of slow?” Mapi laughed after the look you gave her, but held onto one of your hands and squeezed it in confirmation, “We can go as slow as you want. I’ll wait for as long as you want.” Mapi landed a kiss on your cheekbone, a pink blush following afterward, “Was that too quick? That was too quick, wasn’t it?” Mapi panicked. You laughed, Mapi smiled lovingly at you and pulled you down to the bed. The both of you lying down, looking up at the ceiling.

“Do you want to do something with me? Like, go out? Maybe for some coffee or something one day? Just me and you?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” The smile in Mapi’s voice wasn’t to be missed.

“Was that the worst way you’ve been asked out?”

Mapi laughed loudly, turning to her left to look at you. You remained to stare at the ceiling. “It was the sweetest way someone has ever asked me out on a date. I’m going at your speed. Level zero, remember? Whatever you’re ready for, I’ll do it.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes!”

——

The date was the best date you’d ever been on. Not that you could compare it to anything else. Mapi told you she wanted to arrange it, as it was your first one she wanted it to be special. She picked you up, took you for dinner, took you to play crazy golf, and then took you back to hers where she had set up two comfortable chairs close together with pillows and a blanket to stargaze. Mapi made you feel a way that nobody else made you feel. A warm feeling in your heart was constantly there every time Mapi walked into the room. Your eyes always found each other at a party, the not-so-subtle winks and smiles she’d give you on the pitch, and constantly gravitating towards each other wherever the both of you were.

For the first time, you had another love in your life besides football. And that was Mapi.

[little-bunny-in-space]

M*A*S*H OC TIME

I love being a silly nerd! Literally just a self-insert

I literally just thought to myself "What if I was in the compound? What if I was a silly little bean along with the rest of them?"

NAME: Marieanne "Mutt" Wolfe

Age: 28

Gender: AFAB, presents otherwise, depending on the day. Pronouns are anything- she'll respond to she/her but secretly loves being referred to as male (ooooh lore)

Height: 5'4

Weight: 200

Physically Characteristics: Caucasian with a dark complexion, her dad was half-Latino. Dark brown shoulder length hair and light brown eyes, closer to amber. She has wide hips and a smaller chest. (Can't wait to get art of them aghhhhh)

She's from Georgia, her accent shows as much- not long and drawn out though, she refers to it as "hick." Was raised in the middle of nowhere- the closest small town was 30 minutes away, so her family mostly made their living off their farm. She's used to having close to nothing, so certain things about the compound- the ass tasting food, the terrible sleeping arrangements- she's used to, and takes in stride. This also causes her to have quite a positive outlook, as she's mostly a very positive person- much to a few others' contempt. Hobbies: Back home, she was quite different from her family- she loved to read and study, especially anatomy, botany and fauna as well. She also enjoys studying different religions and cultures- she always dreamed of travelling the world. She loves to sketch the makeup of different flowers and animals in her journals she keeps- although her family rebuke it as a waste of time. They were taught that work was their only livelihood.

She enjoys studying and music quite a bit- her grandmother immigrated from France- and brought over her taste for classical- especially Satie and Debussy. She distinctly remembers listening to them while her mother baked bread in the kitchen.

Because of her upbringing- she always strived to be better. On trips to Savannah as a child she would watch the high-class ladies walking down the street, and wanted to be like them. At age twelve she made it her meaning in life to graduate high school, make it to college and become something greater.

She achieved that dream; sort of. She graduated high school with a high GPA, much to her fathers' disdain. He threatened her life, and her mother was angry at her for even thinking of leaving the farm to go to a University. She applied- behind her parents' backs... and left them after her father threatened to beat her.

She graduated from Duke University- with a specialty in Neurosurgery, a minor in Religion. She achieved her dream- but lost her family at the same time...

She still carries parts from home with her. She loves nature, loves to bake and still likes to study botany in her free time. Oh, and she carries a stuffed yellow rabbit given to her by her grandmother.

She considers herself to be very religious. Her family raised her Southern Baptist- but she found the tradition there a bit unsettling. After studying several different religions, even dabbling in Paganism, she was drawn back to Catholicism- at first, strictly out of admiration for the aesthetics of it. She considers herself to have Catholic beliefs, although she's not confirmed, and even wears a rosary on her belt. She's still studying and making up her mind about her religion.

FRIENDS AT THE 4077

Radar O' Reilly- Radar is one of her best friends at the 4077- they first bonded on their shared backgrounds of growing up on a farm. As they get to know each other, they even share their love of stuffed animals- as she brought a stuffed rabbit from home. She enjoys helping him with his animals and worm farm too.

Father Mulcahy- He is probably her best friend there. Coming in, she dropped her rosary and Mulcahy retrieved it for her. She goes to his services every Sunday- and they even started a Bible Study together. He helps her a lot in her study of religion and offers to help her with her complicated past and religious trauma. They love analyzing Bible stories and theology, she especially loves quizzing him about the Catholic church and the Saints. They also have Biblical inside jokes they like to confuse other people with.

Margaret Houlihan- They are just complete girls together. Marieanne respects Margaret as if she were another surgeon and they hit it off right away. They enjoy sitting in each others tents, gossiping, and making terrible cocktails out of whatever they can find.

Charles Winchester- These two are definitely frenemies to begin with- He especially made fun of her for her upbringing, and she makes fun of his, name calling and all. She genuinely hates him at first… After some time together though, he becomes pleasantly surprised at her neurological expertise and her love of classical music. He becomes very intruiged by her, and her with him- She always wanted desperately the lifestyle that he gets to live- and he is surprised by her own interest in him, and how some "redneck swill" could EVER be interested in the same things. They become very unlikely friends, drinking tea and listening to Mozart sometimes. And of COURSE giving Hawk and BJ a hard time.

5. L. Rizzo- They get along, both from the deep south. They mostly enjoy making fun of all the "damn yanks" at the compound. He flirts with her offhandedly at first, but once she sets him straight with a swift backhand, they get along. Like siblings, she always makes fun of him for falling asleep and not knowing what the hell he's doing, usually visiting him at the garages to wake him up with a stupid prank.

[ludiharambasha]

While I am not against the idea of Aang not killing The Firelord, and instead imparting justice for the genocide of his people on his own terms and in accordance with his culture per se, something about that narrative thread and how it was explored in the series rubs me the wrong way. It was apparent that AtLA was a rather neolib narrative from the get-go, and this choice is one that is but a culmination of this twisted mindset.

The thing is, killing The Firelord was always meant to be a symbolic action rather than a literal one. The Fire Nation started its military campaigns and conquest long before Ozai was even born. Killing The Current Firelord is not an immediate band-aid fix to a hundred years of oppression the other nations suffered through. While yes, The Firelords stand for the Fire Nation's imperialism, the people of the Fire Nation directly attributed to these campaigns. Ozai didn't kill the Waterbenders of the Southern Water tribe, nor the Airbenders, and neither did Sozin. People of the Fire Nation and its soldiers did.

And killing Ozai would have been a fine narrative choice, as Ozai is nothing more than a symbol of the Fire Nation, and his death would symbolize the death of the Fire Nation itself and its ideology. One could argue that that would have been a rather simplistic choice, but a completely fine and appropriate one for a children's cartoon. After all, children's media rests upon these personified or metonymic representations of abstract things, substituting them with something concrete. While it would have been an oversimplification of the conflict, it would have been narratively more effective than what the series actually offered.

When Aang refuses to kill Ozai, it brings forth all kinds of complications into the narrative, by completely shattering that symbolic aspect of the entire ordeal. The entire series hinged on Aang going against the Firelord, and the audience's engagement was based on this suspension of disbelief that killing the Firelord is in essence, killing the Fire Nation.

Now, when you decide to take this route you have to engage with the literal implication of their fight. Killing the Firelord isn't the end, as the people who actively upheld that system are still alive and did not answer for any of their crimes against humanity. So naturally, defeating the Firelord would only be the first step in that direction - but the writers of the series did not engage with that choice, not really. The series did pretty much end with Aang defeating the Firelord and taking away his bending, and reinstating Zuko as the new Firelord. The people who up until yesterday murdered or fully supported the murder and annihilation of the other nations, just magically started supporting and accepting peace, and aside from Azula and Ozai, no one answers for anything.

Nevermind that Iroh was also a military commander and killed many innocents, nevermind what Zuko did, nevermind that people that tortured Hama and their ascendants are walking scott-free, never mind that we never see what happened to the police officers in the Boiling Rock or the Fire Nation's soldiers that didn't die during Sozin's comet. No one ever pays for murdering Jet's family.

I truly don't understand this choice. You either make the narrative more simple, or you dabble in the more complex implications of it, you cannot have your cake and eat it too.

The people of the other Nations are supposed to just make peace with the people who butchered their loved ones for an entire century.