#and also. my partner finished her part While I Was Presenting My Part bc she had been busy having sex ( queen)

[cimicherrychanga]

linguistics major who is SO SCARED of the concept of writing a glossary on their own

[1kook]

disney+ & bust

this is part of my netflix & chill collection !

summary; There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb. It’s not. It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door.  warnings; arguments, feelings of insecurity, bit of asshole jk, smut in the forms of degradation, dumbification, choking, fingering, spit kink, self punishment, unprotected but [ passionate ] sex, jk losing his cool, return of mean jk, he is actually an emotional mess in this one wtf miscellaneous; ANGST, anniversaries, the L word😳, app developer kook, rip ‘pretty girl’ </3, we all become phineas and ferb stans word count; 13k !!

notes; me: *writes couple who’s whole arc is being silly* y’all: MAKE THEM SUFFER GIVE US ANGST!! u ask I deliver so now we all suffer 😐 ngl it was hard writing this fic n u might notice there’s some parts that seem weird n that’s bc this was TWO fics w diff wording but I ended up mixing them bc I’m insane. still had a lot of fun! felt like I challenged myself!! not proofread bc when I say we suffer we SUFFER

please let me know what you think!!! a simple ask goes a long way <3

previous part: kissanime & foreplay

Approximately one week after The Bullet Bestie’s rise to prominence, Jungkook grows annoyed with it as his weirdly competitive nature rears its ugly head the more and more orgasms that little vibrator coaxes out of you. It turns on a weird switch in him, something slightly stuck up and snooty that he’ll never admit to out loud but is there nonetheless. By the following Friday, The Bullet Bestie is nestled deep in your garbage can and Jungkook’s back to pleasuring you with his tongue and fingers alone.

He had those moments in him, the ones where he liked to think he was better than any and everyone else, and occasionally they manifested against inanimate objects like a bullet vibrator.

Despite his polite and generally soft exterior, you catch glimpses of that cocky spirit more than anyone else. Over the past year, you’ve come to realize that Jungkook’s personality was like a coin that had been left out in the sun too long. He had this sweet and reserved nature you saw most times, a kindhearted boyfriend who adored you almost as much as you adored him. He was your angel whom you knew had a heart of gold, even if you were slowly bringing out his more childish tendencies. You knew him like the back of your hand, knew what his mom’s favorite color was and how he liked to stack the plates in his cabinet according to size and make. It was a side that was rusted from years of being out in the sun, basking in its adoring warmth, and you loved every inch about it.

And still, there was this other side to him you rarely saw. This cocky asshole who hid beneath the soft smiles and careful hands, making his appearance only through sly smirks and a tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. He was a braggart, a man who knew his greatness yielded for no one and wanted that fact shoved down everyone’s faces. This Jungkook, this other side that never saw the light of day, was like the Hyde to his Jekyll. An unexpected, almost mean side to him that only dared make his appearance when his exhilaration was at an all-time high. Like when he was fucking you into another dimension, or kicking your ass in Mario Kart, or like now, when he was receiving an award at an annual tech ceremony.

On the eve of your one year anniversary, Jungkook’s company invites him to an awards ceremony for other web and app developers like him. It’s a grand event, filled with all the biggest nerds in the developing industry here to present the baby nerds with awards. Jungkook lies somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, both a seasoned player and a rookie all at once. He spends the night tolling you around in a floor-length gown and fangirling over all the “legends” in the room.

You know next to none of these people and none of their accomplishments but still pretend you respect them to hell and back. By the end of the main dinner, you’re sympathizing with Barbie’s ever-smiling features because your cheeks feel sore.

Towards the end of the night, Jungkook wins that random award— okay, who were you fooling? He wins the Platinum Mobile Standard of Excellence Award, recognizing him for all the hard work you’ve seen him put in this past year. It’s probably the highest recognition he can receive at this point in his career. It was an esteemed award that was bestowed upon only the most innovative developer of the year among tech companies, something Jungkook had briefly mentioned he always wanted. It’s basically the equivalent of placing first place in his field, but given Jungkook’s competitive industry and his young age, you think it’s like telling all these old Facebook lords to suck his big fat cock. (But that was your job when you got home.)

He gives a short little thank you speech, promising to work hard and own up to this title. The people around you are swooning, obviously endeared with his soft puppy dog features and melodic voice. They don’t know him like you do, don’t know that uppity twist to his grin like you do. It doesn’t slip off his face even when he steps down off the stage, arms wide open as he comes barreling towards you. Even with you in his arms, the congratulations that are thrown from every direction ring loudly in his ears and swell that ego of his.

The night goes like that for the most part, Jungkook’s acquaintances approaching him every few minutes to rain down their praises. He goes a little crazy at the open bar after a while, shoving the gold trophy into your arms as his beloved work seniors whisk him off for drinks. You don’t mind because you resigned yourself to a night of playing Jungkook’s perfectly perfect partner anyway, watching him politely mingling with his coworkers. Despite his earlier success, you know he won’t brag about it verbally. No, he’ll wait until the two of you get home—your place or his—and remind you how amazing he is with a quick snap of his hips.

As you said, he’ll never boast aloud.

However, that doesn’t mean you won’t.

“That’s my boyfriend,” you explain to the seventh person that greets you that night, excitedly pointing to where said boyfriend was slowly losing all sense of self by the bar. You don’t know anyone here beside Jungkook, and you’re pretty sure no one in their hammered minds is going to remember who you are anyway, so a little gloating never hurt anyone. “He won the ‘I’m Better Than Everyone Else’ award tonight,” you emphasize to the tipsy woman beside you who only laughs at your exaggeration. You assume she’s like you, accompanying one of the many developers here, because as soon as you finish boasting about Jungkook she moves to brag about someone too.

Truth be told, you spend the whole night re-analyzing the Zootopia movie you saw on Disney+ the other night in your head. So if the little fox fellow didn’t control himself would the city have fallen to ruins? Why was the useless sheep girl so evil and bitter? Why was there an unreal amount of romantic tension between the fox and the rabbit? Whatever, you’ll have to rewatch it some other night, and with your new Disney+ account, you could watch it anywhere you wanted to.

Now, you had never bothered to purchase a Disney+ subscription or even tried to swindle Jungkook for his password before. As far as you know, Disney+ was filled with old tv shows from your childhood, sitcoms that made you laugh when you were ten. There’s nothing wrong with that, but personally, you were a firm believer that that which was perfect should not be touched once finished; in other words, you were utterly terrified you’d rewatch an old episode of The Wizards of Waverly Place, only to find out the same joke you’ve been regurgitating for the past ten years doesn’t actually go that way.

However, the harsh reality was that Disney+ was good for a few things. Ugh, you hate when giant corporations provide decent services. Aside from Zootopia, you’ve watched about every animated media on there as well, all of which you replay in your mind as Jungkook has the time of his life with these nerds, knocking back champagne glass after champagne glass.

Anyway, the night ends a little past midnight, and Jungkook who is buzzed on alcohol and high on exhilaration ends up calling an Uber for the two of you. Your apartment— the new one he had not only helped you hunt for but also helped you move into, greatly cutting the cost of movers out with those glistening biceps and thick thighs —is still going through her rebellious phase where the potted plants are trying to take over, courtesy of Kim Namjoon. So for now, there’s a potted plant in an awkward corner that both of you stub your toe against on your way to your bedroom.

You’re thinking Jungkook is going to go to town tonight, given the fact he’s on Cloud 9 and has had his ego stroked by a bunch of dudes for the past couple hours. Maybe you guys can try out the hot role-playing scenario you saw on GirlsWay a few weeks ago, or the handcuffs you impulsively bought from Amazon one Monday night. Or maybe, and this one really makes you flutter, he’ll let you fully take the reins for once.

All those lewd fantasies end up being for naught because just as you shimmy out of your gown (with the help of his hands, of course) and turn to climb him like a tree, he’s on the other side of the room getting your makeup remover out for you. And also talking. A lot. And way more than usual.

“Did you see him, babe?” he sighs, dare you to say, dreamily, handing you the cotton pads as he begins pulling a million pins out of your hair. Slowly and with a lot of confusion, you pull your fake lashes off and begin cleaning your face. “He was amazing.”

“Uh-huh,” you say, having absolutely no idea who ‘he’ is or why Jungkook is so in love with him and not you at this very moment. “But so were you,” you add. Perfect. Stroke his ego and then stroke his cock.

Jungkook sputters at your praise. He’s carefully placing your hairpins on your thigh, cheeks flaming red every time he leans over you. “Was I?” he murmurs, voice sweet in that cute little way it always gets when he’s downed one too many shots of whiskey, enough to be buzzed but not enough to be wasted.

You turn and the pins clatter to the floor and across the bedsheets. “Yes,” you confirm, ignoring his sad huff at the mess you’ve made. Instead, you grab him by the collar of that pink button-up he taunted you with all night. “You were fucking incredible and I think incredible men deserve to have their dick sucked.”

Jungkook laughs at your vulgar statement, holding you gently by the hips as you climb into his lap. “Is that so?” The soft, shy persona is gone now, replaced by the gentle stirring beneath his dress pants. You nod hurriedly, plopping down on his lap and running your hands through his styled hair.

“Yes,” you confirm, kissing the corner of his mouth. “Luckily for you, I know this nymphomaniac who would gladly gobble up your cock at your every command.”

He snorts just as you push him into his back, nose adorably scrunched up. “First of all, you know I hate that word,” he chuckles, finally gracing you with a sweet peck that only makes you want him to fuck you into the fifth dimension. “Secondly, please don’t ever say you’ll gobble my cock up ever again.”

Something inside of you squeals with excitement as he rolls the two of you over, firm body pressing down on yours. “Oh, baby,” you groan, lazily throwing a leg over his hip. Jungkook grins and then decides to entertain you for a few minutes with a sloppy kiss.

You say a few minutes because just as things are heating up, he pulls away. He smiles apologetically. “As much as I’d love to be here with you, I actually have an early morning tomorrow.”

You frown at the sudden change in events. “Huh? They’re gonna make you work the morning after a Gatsby party?” you gasp, sitting up as he gets off of you. With every step he takes away from the bed your heart breaks a little more. “They can’t do that— that’s illegal!”

From the doorway he levels you with a comically raised brow. “No, it’s not.”

You scamper after him down the hall, watch the muscles in his back flex as he pulls his suit jacket on. “You can’t work on our anniversary— that’s illegal!” you offer instead.

He stops at your front door, feet squeezed back into his shoes. “Baby, it’s not,” he rolls his eyes, leaning down to peck your forehead. “It was either I work in the morning or work at night,” he explains, giving your messy hair a soothing caress. He’s looking at you with those eyes, the ones that make your heart lodge itself into your throat and make life a tightrope experience. There’s a devastatingly lovesick part of you that wants this moment, this kind face, to be engraved into your mind for the rest of your life. You want this to be the first and last thought you have and nothing else: just Jungkook’s adoring gaze on you for the rest of time.

The moment ends too soon when he flutters one last peck against your lips. “I’ll be done in the afternoon, okay?”

You pout. “Okay, your place?” you huff, making sure to get one last octopus squeeze around his waist. He nods. “Promise you won’t be late?”

The corners of his gaze soften. “You know I won’t,” he smiles, leaning down to bump your noses together playfully. “Can’t stay away from my pretty girl too long. Besides, I have a gift for you tomorrow.”

It’s with that sentiment and a hammering heart that you let him go. With Jungkook gone, there’s really nothing for you to do now. You took the next two days off in preparation for your anniversary sex, so you don’t have to head to sleep early like usual.

With nothing else planned, you decide on rewatching that Zootopia movie that had plagued you all night, ready to dissect every plot hole to hell and back. You don’t think Jungkook’s seen this movie yet so you add it to your long list of animated movies you’re forcing him to watch.

Part of you is actually really surprised Jungkook left. Well, kinda sorta, very, but not really. Jungkook was a good boy, that much was obvious. He took his job seriously, and if his job wanted him to come in at the asscrack of dawn, then he’d come in before the sun even rose. He was a goody-two-shoes, but even so, you were occasionally able to bring out that darker side in him.

Jungkook working, like actually working in an office setting, was pretty rare though. The dude had a chill job that let him stay home most of the time, and essentially clock in whenever he wanted. Every now and then you were able to convince him to stay, tucking him beneath your body or the covers, depending on the night, and refusing to let him go the morning after.

Once he had eaten you out until the wee hours of the day, ravenous between your thighs, and then went to work the next morning like he hadn’t broken you. Another time you had persuaded him into watching every season of the 2017 DuckTales reboot through the night. When the alarm had rung in the middle of the season finale, he had simply gotten into your shower and gone off to work.

So maybe you were a little confident in your skills, and Jungkook slipping between your fingers tonight was a huge bummer. But there was no use crying over spilled milk, you tell yourself, flinging your bra off somewhere in the corner as you snuggle back into your sheets. You’re ready to tear this Zootopia movie apart, scene by scene.

Even though your apartment is a little cold, you’re comforted by the fact Jungkook will be here to keep you warm all day tomorrow.

All men do is lie.

Despite his promise to come home early the next day, Jungkook ends up lying. The meeting he had been in all morning— the same one that had stopped you from getting bent like a pretzel the night before —drags on well past noon. Then, Kim Namjoon, AKA Jungkook’s favorite senpai in the entire world, catches wind of Jungkook’s success last night and absolutely has to take him out to lunch to celebrate.

You scoff, glaring down at your phone and the impulsive messages you’d sent out an hour ago when Jungkook had first texted you telling you he would be late.

You whirl around to stomp off in the direction of his living room, where all of yours and Jungkook’s favorite foods were growing colder by the minute. You had spent the longest time carefully laying them out, making sure the fried chicken was closer than the pizza but not closer than the breadsticks. Truthfully it’s a nightmare. There are about eight stomach aches worth of food sitting on his coffee table, the greasy stench makes you gag and will certainly stick to your hair for weeks, but none of that mattered because it was all for your beau.

Your very late beau who was making you grow more and more agitated with each minute that passed. Ugh! How inconsiderate of him to test your patience on a day like this. You didn’t want to be upset with him, but this was your first, real milestone as a couple with him. You had wanted to spend the whole day cuddled up, maybe finally tell him how much he really meant to you— definitely not waking up alone with eyeliner crusted eyes and an aching heart.

Deciding you’re being a little too dramatic, you head into the bedroom to calm down. This was fine, you tell yourself, carefully laying out the damn near harlotrous lingerie you had yet to put on. Jungkook would come over soon and everything would be A-okay.

Except for the part it’s actually F-not okay because soon it’s nearing sunset and the food has gone cold so you’ve stocked it into the fridge, and the pretty sheer bra has a wonky wire that’s two seconds away from piercing through your heart, but that doesn’t even matter because Jungkook being late for your all-day anniversary celebration has already ripped it to shreds anyway.  

You plop down on the couch in defeat, impulsively opening up the Disney+ app to cry through another episode of Phineas and Ferb. You’ve abandoned the satin robe that came with the lingerie in favor of donning a big t-shirt that smells like him and makes your heart hurt even more. The setting sun paints the living room in muted oranges, the chirping of birds outside the soundtrack to your lonely day.

You end up watching some other cartoon on Disney+, avoiding the Marvel section because you had promised Jungkook he could be there when you lost your Marvel virginity. Well, at least one of you was good at keeping promises, you think bitterly. For a second, you think about randomly watching one of the infamous MCU films out of order just to spite him. But then you think of that soft puppy gaze and how disappointed he’d be in you.

Whatever! It wouldn’t ever match up to the way you felt now.

Anyway, you circle back. When you’re five episodes into Phineas and Ferb you hear the doorknob rattle.

You sit up just as the door swings open, visible from your spot on the couch. He meets your gaze almost immediately, big doe eyes caught in the act. What act? You’re not really sure. In fact, you don’t even know what you’re looking at when he walks in because he’s drowning in shopping bags. His lips twist into a grin. “Honey, I’m home,” he says playfully.

You don’t laugh.

Jungkook frowns, dumping all his bags down at the entrance before waddling over towards you. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, coming to stand before you and cupping your face in his hands. He’s towering over you, so tall and gorgeous but for the first time, you’re not dazed by his beauty.

“Kook, you said you’d be back hours ago,” you say slowly, avoiding his gaze. You try to keep the frustration out of your voice, but you’ve had hours to dwell on it now, and those annoying cartoon characters, though charming at first, had only served to multiply your annoyance.  

Jungkook blinks, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I mean… yeah. But I got you presents?” he beams, glancing back at the mountainous pile he made by the door. You look over too. There are some luxury bags squeezed in between other shops you like, the occasional jewelers' logo on the side.

You stand with a sigh, sauntering off into the kitchen with him on your tail. “I don’t want presents,” you mumble, reaching to pour yourself a glass of water. You’re briefly aware of how childish you must seem. Jungkook hovers behind you.

“What? Yes, you do,” he says. “You had an entire wishlist on my Amazon of things you wanted.” It’s his turn to level you with an unreadable expression, slowly crossing his arms over his chest.

Your frown only deepens as you turn to match his stance against the counter. While it may be true that you did indeed have an entire list of impulsive items on his Amazon, that didn’t necessarily mean you wanted them all. Sometimes you just wanted to stare longingly at a pair of satin gloves without actually buying them. You don’t know how to explain this much to him. “They’re not…” you stop with another deep breath. “Forget it. Thank you for the presents.”

Now it’s Jungkook’s turn to question you. “What,” he says in an unimpressed tone, padding over to you before you can escape back into the living room to watch the entire princess movie collection on Disney+. “No, tell me what’s wrong.”

For some reason, that’s exactly what you don’t want to hear. “Jungkook,” you say flatly, narrowing your eyes at him. “You come home six hours after you said you would without telling me why, and normally I wouldn’t care, but today was supposed to be a special day for us.”

Jungkook reels at your bluntness. “Babe, I was out getting stuff for you. I know it’s our anniversary— that’s why I wanted to treat you,” he responds, oddly condescendingly like you’re a child who doesn’t understand what exactly he was doing.

You brush his hands away from your shoulders. “Yeah,” you huff. “Now I know that. But I spent all day waiting for you,” you stress, chest puffing as you grow more and more agitated by his inability to understand you. God, can he let you go now? At least a bunch of animated, geometrically drawn cartoons won’t question you like this and make you feel as childish as he was.

When he doesn’t say anything else you stomp back into the living room, snatching up your phone from its forgotten spot against the couch. “I’m going to bed.”

At that Jungkook seems to kickstart back to life. “What? ___, it’s barely six,” he says as he follows after you into your bedroom. You ignore him, shuffling beneath the covers. In all actuality, you’re going to bed to mope and watch more animated family shows, maybe cry under the guise of the plot just being so sad. Jungkook sits beside you just as you click back on to finish off your episode. “Baby, I don’t get it,” he sighs. “You’re always talking about how much you want this or that, and I go out and get you it all but now you’re mad?”

You bite down on your lip, eyes lasered in on the pictures moving before you. “Jungkook, just forget it.”

“No,” he says, more sternly than he’s ever been with you before. “If there’s a problem, tell me.” There’s a heavy pause, and then he says, “don’t make me waste my time guessing what’s wrong, okay?” 

“Waste your time?” you scoff, sitting up with pinched brows that you find match his. “I’m not trying to waste anyone’s time— in fact, that’s hot coming from you, Jungkook.”

He rolls his eyes. “What are you even saying? You’re mad because I took a little long getting presents, for you, might I add,” he huffs, plopping down on the edge of the mattress beside your knee. “You’re always saying you want this and that, but you can’t handle me going out to get those things? Do you hear how weird you sound?”

You whip the covers off of you. “Me talking about things doesn’t always mean I want them,” you defend.

Jungkook snorts. “Yes, it does,” he says. “Anytime you ramble about stuff for minutes like a little kid it’s because you want me to buy it for you.”

You blink. “Like a little kid?” you repeat, stunned by his comparison. Granted, you always knew you were the more childish of the two, but you never thought that would equate Jungkook thinking of you as a child. Something red and nasty flares in your chest. “Well sorry,” you spit, crossing your arms over your chest defensively, “sorry we all can’t be perfectly mature golden boys who would never see the light of day if I constantly wasn’t dragging them out.” You know it’s a somewhat low blow, especially because Jungkook’s told you before how his introverted tendencies were a sensitive issue growing up, but you can’t help it.

Jungkook groans, dropping his head into his hands. “Baby, don’t do this now,” he warns, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Stop acting like this.”

“Like how?” you spit, “like a kid?” Jungkook says nothing, leveling you with a blank stare from the corner of his eye. You roll your eyes, phone falling off your lap. Another episode of Phineas and Ferb had started, the corny opening tune filling the space between the two of you. “At least now I know what you think of me,” you mutter over the guitar riff.

“Oh my god,” Jungkook blurts, sitting up wildly. “Of course I’m gonna think of you as a stupid little kid, look at you,” he seethes, gesturing at the phone beside you. You flinch. “All you do is watch kids shows and whine whenever I wanna watch anything normal adults watch. You complain every single day about the most normal things, like your job? Why should I fucking care that you’re working a dead-end office job in a field you didn’t even study for— that’s not my problem, __!” he snaps, eyes narrowed into little slits. “I just won an award last night,” he says suddenly, voice back to its regular volume. “I’m at the height of my career and I’m only going up, but I can’t even enjoy that because I have to come home and cater to you,” he finishes, a loud scoff punctuating the final word.

You had never imagined Jungkook finally bragging about himself would be at your expense.

A beat of silence passes, the angry glint in his eyes quickly fading away the longer you don’t say anything. You sniff once, turning your head idly to the side where Phineas and Ferb is still blaring loudly from your phone speaker. Picking up the device, you throw it across the room where it hits his closet door with a terrifying bang the breaks the silence.

The sound snaps Jungkook out of whatever shock he’d been in. “Baby…” he says slowly, carefully, like you’re a caged animal that’s just escaped the zoo.

“I’m going home,” you say, also a little too calmly. You saunter over towards his closet where your shattered phone screen glares up at you as you yank a pair of sweats off a hanger. Jungkook is still frozen on the edge of the bed, watching you with wide eyes as you move about the room.

It’s when you’re in the hallway leading downstairs that Jungkook finally snaps out of his daze, scampering behind you as you descend the stairs. “Baby,” he rushes out, loudly bounding down after you, “___, wait,” he gasps, catching you by the kitchen counter collecting your keys. “I-I didn't mean that,” he rushes out, eyes wide and frantic as they flicker over your expression. “I don’t think that—I don’t, baby, please, just… let me explain, please.”

“Jungkook, let go of me,” you respond, shaking your wrist in an attempt to release yourself. He’s not even holding you tightly— he never would—but the sound of your heart pounding in your ears makes your movements jerky and erratic. “I wanna go home.”

“No,” he chokes, cornering you against the counter. “No, baby, please just listen to me, I-I—“

“You what, Jungkook?” you snap, placing a hand on his chest and forcefully pushing him away. He lets you, stepping back with a wobbly bottom lip. “You need to tell me how you’re too good for me? How much I hold you down because I wasn’t lucky enough to get a job like yours straight out of college?” He says nothing, swallowing roughly as you jab a finger into his chest. “Well let me tell you something,” you snarl, chest heaving, “I may be childish and a huge complainer, but I’m not stupid enough to let someone walk all over me like this.”

With that, you make your great escape. Truthfully, you don’t want him to see the tears in your eyes as you yank his door open, stomping down his steps and in the direction of the nearest bus stop. The door opens right after you tug it shut, painting your shadow across the sidewalk. There’s the scrambled sound of house slippers against the concrete that follows you down. “Go the fuck back inside,” you snap without missing a beat.

Sensing your obvious anger, he pauses before he can reach you. “Text me when you get home?” he calls out quietly.

“No,” you respond.

You would never admit to anyone that you spend the entire night eating a tub of mint chocolate ice cream. It’s disgusting and makes you gag, but it’s the only one you have in your apartment. And of course, it was brought over by none other than Jeon Jungkook himself a few days ago. Even when you’re trying to comfort yourself over how mean he was, on your anniversary night no less, you’re plagued by thoughts of him everywhere.

As much as you want to brush his words off, put on that cool girl exterior you’ve maintained since high school, there’s something different about this situation. You guess it’s impossible to brush off such hateful words when they come from someone you love and adore so much.

Were you too childish? You had always believed that side of you was what made your relationship with Jungkook so perfect. The two of you meshed well because of your differences, like yin and yang. So how had he been able to so easily deconstruct every inch of that balance in a matter of a few seconds? Was this perfect reality all in your head this whole time?

You want to tell yourself it was just a heat of the moment outburst from Jungkook, give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s never snapped at you like this before. Of course you’ve fought a couple of times in the past year, but neither of you had ever stooped as low as you did yesterday. Furthermore, the insecure part of your brain says he obviously felt this somewhere in his heart to bring it up at all. What he had said to you wasn’t something someone could make up on the spot.

You don’t text him when you get home, partly to spite him, but mainly because you had left your phone at his place anyway. You know he tried calling you last night because the call log is synced up to your laptop. He called on and off for about thirty minutes before he probably found your phone in his room. Whatever, he can mope in his regret for all you care

—is what you wanna say, but the longer he goes without showing himself to you the more your insecurities and hurt fester. Was this it? Was this the end of what was probably the best year of your life? It’s too painful to think about, to even consider the possibility that Jungkook might have gained a new insight last night and decided, hey, maybe this is for the best after all.

You drown yourself in an ungodly amount of sugar for breakfast, your laptop blaring yet another episode of Phineas and Ferb on the dining table. Muscle memory has you making Jungkook’s favorite pancakes before you can stop yourself, and by the time you do realize, you’ve resigned yourself to the blueberry smell anyway.

There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb.

It’s not.

It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door. You open the door with a fright, jumping back when he slumps forward and almost crashes face-first into the floor. “You didn’t call,” Jungkook cries, leaning a little too much of his weight onto you when you reach out to steady him.

The thundering of your heart slows upon registering it’s him. “Kook?” you frown, nose pinched at the ungodly stench of alcohol wafting off his clothes. “Have you been drinking?” you ask even though the answer is staring you right in the face (and in the nose).

He groans, staggering deeper into your arms. You blindly push the door shut behind him, resigning yourself to this new situation while your pancakes grow cold in the other room. “Baaaby,” he slurs, letting you guide him into the living space. He’s unceremoniously dumped onto the couch, half-opened eyes gazing up at you. “Let me,” a hiccup, “explain.”

You won’t lie. There’s a very obvious sense of discomfort sitting in your chest, torn between two paths that you don’t wish to choose between. His skin is warm and flushed like he’s just walked all the way here in this morning sun. You step over to the window that faces down onto the street below. There’s no sign of his car; you would have killed him if he ever tried to drive in this state.

“Did you walk here?” you ask instead, deciding there’s no need for one singular path, not when you can walk straight down the middle, both cleaning him and grilling him at the same time.

Jungkook’s response is delayed, head lolling from side to side as you help him out of his sweater. His skin is sweaty beneath, scorching to the touch. “Uh-huh,” he groans. Jesus, you sort of assumed but him confirming it really set things into perspective.

By no means did you and Jungkook live on opposite ends of the earth. On a good day, a drive from your place to his took about ten minutes. But walking? Easily an hour. Had he walked all the way from his place, drunk on top of that?

You brush his hair away from his face, his eyes fluttering shut at your touch. His lips are pouty yet chapped, dehydrated from the sun and the alcohol he reeks of. “Sit up for me,” you instruct, scampering off to your room for chapstick and water.

“Anything for you,” Jungkook wheezes, throat probably dryer than a desert. When you return, he’s two seconds from face planting into the coffee table and breaking that pretty face of his. You catch him with a hand on his shoulder, keeping him balanced. “Tell me what to do,” he chokes out, voice hoarse.

“Just need you to drink some water,” you say, pressing a cup against his lips. He drinks it, but a drop still dribbles down his chin.

“No,” he groans, catching your wrist in his hand when you reach up to apply some chapstick on him. “Tell me what to do,” he stresses, “to fix this. Fix us.”

His words make you pause, the tube of chapstick hovering over his plush lips. “You don’t have to do anything,” you respond quietly, trying to finish the application so you can pull away.

Jungkook doesn’t let you go. You try to look away, but there’s something about him that looks off. Maybe it’s the raw skin under his eyes, red and swollen. Or the sad droop to those same eyes that hold you captive. Or maybe it’s the subtle tremble in his hands, the fingers that hold tightly to your wrist, not to keep you there but to ground himself. “I don’t wanna lose you,” he rasps out, shakily bringing your hand to his mouth, where he presses one airy kiss to your knuckles. “Tell me ho-how to fix this and I’ll do it,” he pleads, a vulnerable look in his eyes.

Unable to withstand the sheer amount of agony on his expression, you look away. “___, please,” he chokes out, stumbling off the couch in his drunk and desperate haze until he’s kneeling in front of you. “I can’t… I can’t,” he sniffles, tears clouding those pretty eyes you’ve come to love so much. “I don’t know who I am without you.”

You clench your jaw. “You’re Jeon Jungkook,” you murmur, slipping your hand out of his hold to run through his hair. It’s knotted and a little too greasy, two things Jungkook would usually never allow. “This year’s Platinum Mobile Standard of Excellence Award recipient,” you remind him, trailing your thumb across his cheekbone when he turns to look up at you with those big Bambi eyes. “Sweet and shy, but you love being rowdy with your friends. You love movies and TV and organizing your shirts according to fabric type. You work harder than anyone I know and never complain. You date me, even though I’m a huge child,” you smile sadly.

“No!” he jumps, turning that frantic stare back into you. “Y-You’re not— it’s not,” he stammers, words still slurring together. “I’m a liar,” he cries, resting his forehead on your knees. His shoulders shake. “I don’t deserve you,” he weeps quietly. You place a hand on his shoulder. “Y-Y-You make my life so much better, ___, so colorful and fun. I-I wish I knew you in high school,” he admits, “maybe I wouldn’t have been so emotionally constipated now.”

“You’re not,” you reassure him softly.

He disagrees. “You bring out the best,” he hiccups, “the best in me.” Your heart skips in your chest. “I-I love you, you know that?”

You sputter, eyes wide at his sudden confession. “I… love you so much, y’know? I think about you ev-every night, ___,” he rambles, eyes dreamily gazing off into some miscellaneous spot on the wall behind you. “I can’t get you out of my head. Like you're a song, o-on repeat but it’s not annoying because it’s my favorite song, and I could listen to it for the rest of my life, y’know? My favorite song, I know all the words b-because it’s all I think about! I love... My love… I love you so much.”

“Kook,” you rush out, cheeks flaming as you try to pull him away from where he’s slumped over your legs. His passionate speech has you abuzz, body tingling everywhere until you feel overwhelmed, head spinning like you’re on a rollercoaster. “Let’s get you to bed.”

He nods sleepily, seemingly coming down from whatever alcohol induced rampage has allowed him to walk for an hour straight in this searing heat just to confess to you. “Y-You don’t have to say it back,” he continues to stutter as you guide him through the living room on wobbly legs. “I just-I just— can I?” he babbles. “Can I love you, ___?”

You pass through the kitchen space, where whatever you were watching on Disney+ is blaring loudly. It distracts Jungkook for about two seconds before his attention returns to you. When you don’t answer, he presses on. “Is that okay?” he asks, whirling around to face you, catching your shoulders in his hands. He towers over you by the entrance to your bedroom, dark curls tickling your forehead. His eyes are dark and glazed over, both in tears and an emotion so raw and unfiltered it squeezes around your chest until you can’t breathe. “Is it okay for me to love you?” he murmurs softly, knocking his nose against yours.

Your cheeks blaze. “Yes, th-that’s fine, Kook,” you blubber, placing a hand over his chest, where his heart is also hammering away. “Just need you to go rest now, okay?”

He nods sleepily, nudging your nose with his one last time, like a soft almost-kiss, before letting you push him into the room. “Yes, yes,” he breathes, his body finally crashing from his adrenaline spike. He flops down onto the bed unceremoniously, dark waves fanning across your pillows. You try to wiggle him out of his shirt, but it only gets about halfway up his chest before he blindly reaches for the covers. His legs stick out awkwardly, clad in the sweatpants you’ve come to associate with him.

When he’s all swaddled up in your blanket he finally goes limp, tiny snores leaving his lips as he dozes away from reality. You sigh, pressing a palm to his forehead. He’s still warm and clammy, but at this point, there’s nothing you can do but wait for him to sober up.

With a final kiss to his forehead, you leave the room, closing the door behind you before sliding against the wooden surface. There’s a trapped bird in your chest, wildly flapping its wings in an effort to get out, and it’s all stupid Jungkook’s fault in the next room. Stupid Jungkook who demolished and remodeled your heart all in less than twenty-four hours. It doesn’t calm down, even when you rush off into the kitchen for a glass of water, or when you try to immerse yourself in some other show on Disney+. It stays beating against your ribs and your chest until you’re forcing yourself to sit down on the couch and process.

He wakes up a little before dinner. You hear him from the living room, where you’re flicking through the options on Disney+ for the nth time that day. You’ve seen the first fifteen minutes of about twenty different series and movies by now, always growing antsy and abandoning them early on. The only reason you know he’s awake is because the shower turns on for a few minutes, and then his bare feet are heard padding across the hallway back into your room.

By the time he resurfaces in the living room, you’ve resigned yourself to just more Phineas and Ferb, nonchalantly watching the silly cartoon. (Except you’re anything but nonchalant, and your heartbeat rings in your ears.)

Jungkook hovers by the door, clad in a pair of shorts he’s left here before, and a t-shirt you stole from him. “Hey,” he says quietly, lingering by the doorframe. You nod back in response. “Can I watch with you?” Again, another nod.  

Slinking over to the couch, he’s rather careful as he sits down, leaving a few inches of space between the two of you. You don’t even think he can see the screen of your laptop until he murmurs, “he’s my favorite character,” when Perry the Platypus appears on the screen.

You hum. “Thought you didn’t like these kids shows?” you ask. You don’t mean it to sound as petty and backhanded as it comes out, but that’s really no one's fault but his own.

Jungkook’s breathing tightens beside you. “No,” he admits, “I don’t. Only watch them because I know you like them.” You contemplate pausing the episode and engaging in a real conversation with him, but at this point, you’re very tired from the events of the last day. Jungkook doesn’t press either, just shuffles more comfortably beside you.

You get about five minutes in, quiet chuckles shared between the two of you, before he strikes. “I’m sorry about yesterday,” he says, so hushed you almost don’t hear it. His hand is resting in the space between you, pinky brushing against yours. “About… being late. And the presents.”

You inspire slowly. “That wasn't even the problem, silly,” you brush off. From your peripheral, you see Jungkook’s slow nod. “I didn’t want any presents,” you mention, “I just wanted you.” You look away from the screen immediately after, pretending like the spot on the ceiling is actually really interesting.

The two of you fall into silence, the animated characters on your screen rapidly chattering away. “Oh,” Jungkook says after a moment.

You roll your eyes. They’re moist but you don’t want him to see. “Yeah, oh,” you parrot back softly, relaxing into the couch again. “Did you eat the food I left out?”

Jungkook shuffles beside you, the soft lull of the speakers soon being cut as he reaches over to pause Phineas and Ferb. A couple of seconds pass and then he’s leaning into you, head resting on your shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, placing a palm over the hand he had been teasing for the past few minutes. “I thought I knew what I was doing but I was wrong.”

His voice is so soft and sincere, it makes your chest ache. You try to burrow your face against your opposite shoulder, try to hide the stray tear that escapes out of the corner of your eye. “It’s fine,” you brush off, voice choked off and hoarse.

Jungkook leans up, pecks your cheek so tenderly it makes you go mushy. “No, it’s not fine. I acted like a know-it-all and said something way out of line,” he murmurs, raising his head to look at you. His hand feels warm over yours. It’s the touch you craved all day and yesterday, the warm feel of his body against yours. You’re embarrassed at how easily you melt into it. “You’re the best thing that has happened to me in a long time,” he tells you, holding your hand close to his chest. “I had no right to say those things to you.”

You sniffle, resting your head against his shoulder now. His heart beats loud enough for you to hear. “Was it true?” you mumble. “Do you really think of me like that?”

He shakes his head, his soft breaths fanning across your forehead. “No, never,” he answers. “I think you’re incredible. My brain was just trying to justify my dumb anger.”

You nod, even if you don’t believe it just yet. But that was a conversation for later, you suppose, sometime in the future when you aren’t on the verge of tears and threatening to crumble apart at the simplest word that leaves his mouth.

“I should have come home like you wanted, thought about my words before saying them,” he says, snuggling closer to you. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” you sniffle, covering your face with your free hand as he presses a kiss to the vein that runs over the back of the hand he’s holding captive. “Now it just sounds like I'm just being inconsiderate of your gifts and a crybaby.”

Jungkook kisses your temple softly, gently. “Don’t think about the gifts,” he says. “Just tell me what you wanted to do, doll.”

His voice calms you, has you like putty in his arms. “Watch movies,” you mumble, toying with a thread on your couch cushion. “Be with you.”

He hums. “Then we’ll do that,” he says, reaching for your laptop again. The screen nearly blinds you when it flickers back to life before you, Jungkook’s low breaths against your ear making it near impossible for you to process the titles on the screen. “You liked Disney+?”

Belatedly, you nod. “I like the animated movies,” you admit quietly, the anxieties of before slowly melting away, even more so when he slides his arm around you, pulling you close against his chest.

Unlike other times where he’ll critique the hell out of such childish films, Jungkook says nothing as he starts up the Zootopia movie instead, the same one you had wanted to show him before, right from the beginning. “That bunny looks like you,” you murmur when Judy Hopps first appears on the screen.

Jungkook snorts. “You say that about every cartoon bunny.”

You turn your head to glance at him over your shoulder. He meets your gaze with a small smile you return. “It’s because you’re so cute,” you say softly, lips twisting playfully when his cheeks grow scarlet.

He knocks his forehead against yours, eyes fluttering shut. “Not cute, just lucky,” he chuckles. “Lucky enough to have you.” Your heart turns over in your chest, threatening to burst out of your rib cage at his words. You try to turn in his arms. Before you can say the words that have been sitting on the tip of your tongue for months now, he’s beating you to it once again. “I love you,” he confesses in a hushed whisper, no alcoholic influence. 

Something inside of you blossoms, eyes wide as he chastely kisses you. He pulls away without you ever reacting, too caught up in surprise to kiss him back properly. He stays close, curls tickling your forehead as he leans over you. “You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted you to know. I love you,” he says again, long lashes blinking down at you. “So much. It makes me feel like a stupid teenager again, going to the mall to buy a gift for my crush.” He laughs sheepishly, reaching down to tangle your fingers together. “Is that okay?” he asks quietly, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

It mirrors the confession he’d given you that morning, those slurred words and teary eyes. It had been difficult to pinpoint the legitimacy of it before, the meaning scrambled by his hazy mind. But with him staring at you like this now, like you single-handedly plucked the stars from the sky to put them in those sparkly eyes of his, it makes something inside you ache.

Still, you choke on your own spit. “I-Is it okay for you to love me?” you sputter incredulously, realizing the oddity of the same question he’d thrown at you earlier. But now, you’re both sober and you can really tear apart that sentence. Jungkook nods a little too seriously for your liking. “Are you crazy?” He blinks in confusion, brows pulling together as you slowly but surely lose the last bits of your sanity. “You’re an idiot, Jeon Jungkook,” you huff, “a stupidly handsome, rich, walking dream, idiot who goes out with stupid girls like me.”

“Not stupid,” he murmurs, closing in on you again as he finally understands the truth behind your masked insults. He smells minty and like his favorite body wash of yours.

“No,” you deny. “You’re actually, like, insane. You have a bachelor pad, make enough money to sustain an entire litter of kittens, look and talk like every teenage girl’s dream boyfriend— but you mess it all up by dating evil, conniving hoes like me who lose their shit over Disney cartoons.” He says nothing, watching you with an amused grin as you talk over yourself, basically regurgitating his statement from yesterday except it kinda seems plausible now that you’re over it. “It’s stupid. No, you’re stupid. No— I’m stupid.”

Jungkook chuckles, kissing the corner of your mouth gently. “Done?” he says, a dimple appearing on his cheek. You could kiss it away, but you need him to know the amount of stupidity in this room was astronomically high. “You’re not stupid, baby,” he says. You level him with a look. “Well. You have your moments.”

“Moments?” you repeat, standing up in a hurry that has him flopping down beside you. Your laptop is lost somewhere on the cushions, the voices faded as they grow farther away. “I am so stupid. I called Namjoon a whore for taking you out for lunch!” you cry. “I am the stupidest person in the world.”

Jungkook cackles, standing up beside you. “Yes, yes, you’re my stupid girl,” he teases, tapping the pout on your lips playfully. “So stupid she slanders herself instead of just telling me she loves me too.” He bumps your noses together, dark eyes staring at you almost daringly after his claim.

You fold soon enough. “I love you,” you mumble, “even if I’m too stupid to say it.”

He rewards your confession with a kiss, pulling you into his arms soon after. He sighs, almost wistfully. “Whatever shall I do with my very stupid girl?”

After exactly three minutes of feeling safe and loved in his arms, he abandons the living room in favor of leading you back to your room, where he pushes you down against your mattress. You cling to him, leaving him positioned over you at an angle. His chest presses against yours, arm curled around the back of your head. “Gotta get up, baby,” he laughs.

You shake your head, caging him in your arms. “Nuh-uh,” you murmur, legs wiggling when he places a hand on your hip.

Jungkook chuckles, pressing a kiss against the side of your ear. “Your movie is still playing in the other room,” he reminds you, thumb drawing soothing circles on your hip. You don’t release him, his mindless touch only encouraging you to keep him close. “Babe?”

You say nothing, relishing in the comfort of Jungkook’s presence. His hair smells good and feels even softer against the side of your face. The cotton shirt he found is crumpled beneath your fists, dark blue pattern wrinkling. Finally coming to terms with his new home, Jungkook eventually relaxes into your hold with a sigh.

“Alright,” he hums, patting your hip as he repositions himself more comfortably. “I get it. My pretty girl must��ve missed me, huh?” You nod, soaking in every detail about him in this moment. Jungkook shifts, the hand on your hip suddenly falling over your thigh instead. “Or should I say my stupid girl?” he purrs, hand slipping between your thighs. “My stupid, little girl?”

A gasp catches in your throat when he runs his fingers over the front of your panties. Your legs kick out wildly at the sudden touch, toes curling at the hands you dreamt about all day and night. “Oh,” you pant, each brush of his fingers feeling better than the last.

“What?” he says, mouthing against the side of your neck. His tongue feels warm, but the trails of saliva he leaves have you shivering. “Too dumb to speak?” he scoffs, biting down against a particular spot on your neck. You whimper, unsure if it’s because of his hands or his mouth.

“N-No,” you try to sneer back, fingernails digging into his skin through his shirt. His hands are getting braver now, the pad of his pointer finger dancing over your engorged clit. The sheer material of your panties certainly doesn’t help, each touch feeling like it’s being magnified three times over. And if it felt this good with underwear, you can’t even begin to imagine how it’d feel without.

You don’t have to ponder for long, because soon after Jungkook is slipping his hand beneath your waistband, touching your sensitive pussy head-on. “Kook.”

He uses your momentary vulnerability to ease himself from your hold, finally recoiling enough to smother your mouth with his. You moan in surprise, thighs quivering as he gets to work circling your hardened bud sans your panties. Jungkook isn’t the least bit kind as he kisses you ruthlessly, likes he’s trying to compensate for something with his movements. When he finally pulls away it’s with an obnoxious pop and cherry red lips. He huffs, glancing down to see where he’s got his fingers pleasuring you.

Your thighs are squirming back and forth, closing around his hand every few seconds. Jungkook snorts. “Huh, look at that,” he mutters, trailing down until his fingers are gliding over your quickly sopping folds. “Stupid girl is good for something.”

Your cheeks burn. “Kook, I’m not—“

Jungkook levels you with an unimpressed glare. “Not what? Not stupid? But I could’ve sworn you just spent the last few minutes saying you were,” he drones meanly, landing one light slap against your cunt that makes your hips buck.

You bite down a whimper. “I was just…” you trail off, eyes rolling back when he teases one finger against your opening.

“Kidding?” he supplies. “Well, I wasn’t.” Your heart stutters in your chest, eyes growing wide as he finally pushes himself off of you, propping himself up with an elbow beside your head. His gaze is dark and unrecognizable. “I think you’re so fucking stupid, doll,” he sneers. “And what are you gonna do about it?”

You should have seen this moment coming, the manifestation of that shiny side of the coin finally reaching its full potential.

While Jungkook wasn’t exactly shy about his interests, he certainly wasn’t tripping over himself to tell you every new kinky thing he wanted to try. You sort of guessed he had some interest in this sort of play a few weeks ago when you watched the Barbie movie at his place. A lot of that night had branded itself into your three am wet dreams, but there was one particular moment that stood out to you. That was you, on your knees, with him condescendingly patting your head. Or just last week, you vaguely remember the term slipping through his lips as he pleasured you with The Bullet Bestie.

The thing about Jungkook was that, until last night, he would have never admitted, or so much as even thought, that he was better than you. That was fine because you would say it enough for the both of you anyway. Did you think Jungkook was amazing, an absolute diamond among these measly rocks? Absolutely. (Were you slightly biased because you were his girlfriend? Skip.) However, you also had this insane evil villain complex that made you want to brag about everything you possibly could, especially if that meant bragging about your boyfriend.

Realistically speaking, he was better than you, that much you could look past yesterday’s anger to admit, and not even in a stuck-up, conceited way; he had a really good job, an architecturally amazing house, and a hot girlfriend. Meanwhile, you had a mediocre job, an okay apartment, and an insanely sexy Calvin Klein boyfriend, half of which he had pointed out yesterday. Regardless of how powerful that third factor was, he still outnumbered you three to one.

Sue you, Jungkook was amazing. Anyone could see that! Except, maybe, himself.

And if the only time Jungkook would openly brag about his greatness or establish how much better than you he was, was in a post-fight, sex-induced setting, then you were more than happy to be his punching bag. So long as it was on your terms, and not as a result of his weirdly bottled up feelings.

(Yeah, you would have a long talk about that tomorrow.)

But for now, you pout up at him, clamping your thighs shut purposefully. “You’re stupid too,” you defend, “stupid and mean.”

Something in his expression changes. Suddenly, he’s moving at superhuman speed as he snatches his hand out from where you had previously trapped him between your legs, yanking you up by the front of your shirt. “Mean?” he mocks. “Isn’t that what you always wanted?” You shiver, fingers wrapping around the wrist that holds your sweater. “Wanted me to be mean and push you around like a little rag doll?”

Jungkook looks at you for another two seconds, before he’s slowly pulling away from you, leaning back on his knees. His tongue is pressing against the inside of his cheek, jaw tightening from the movement. “Baby,” he says so quietly it instills a prickle of fear in you, tainted with delicious excitement.

“Yeah?” you whisper, sitting up tentatively as you watch him, He was a bit frightening, like a wild animal about to devour you whole.

Jungkook rolls his neck, the joints in his spine cracking as he begins tugging off his shirt. You salivate at the sight, too focused on the sinewy muscles of his body to catch the dark gaze he levels your way. He throws it off to the side, his sleeve of tattoos that wraps around his bicep and begins to crawl down his chest wonderfully unobstructed now. “Eyes up here,” he says and you quickly meet his gaze. He leans forward, muscled arms coming to cage you against the headboard. “Stupid little sluts don’t have the room to make such comments,” he rasps out, unamused expression adorning his normally soft features. “Don’t you think so?”

“I-I don’t know,” you stammer, leaning away as he comes closer and closer, eventually just turning your head to the side to avoid that emotionless look. It’s the wrong move, and Jungkook lets you know as much by forcefully digging his fingers into your cheeks and turning your face back around to meet his gaze.

A hand grabs beneath your knee, tugging harshly until you’re flopping down onto your back with a squeal. You settle with his knee pressed hotly against your core. Jungkook stays towering over you. “Dumb little girls who make me watch cartoons,” he spits, tracing a hand over your chest, molding your breasts beneath his hands roughly enough to make you gasp. “And watch little animal movies on Disney+. Aren’t they just so stupid?”

“So stupid,” you concede, subtly shifting your hips for some desperately needed friction. Jungkook snorts, finally granting you your wish with one rough slide of his thigh against your core.

“I agree,” he says, and surprises you with a hand around your throat as he leans in to properly grind his thigh into you. “All they’re good for is being dumb little sluts with good pussy,” he murmurs darkly, thumb pressing into the side of your neck forcefully. “Sometimes, they don’t even do anything,” Jungkook continues, his other hand on your hip hauling you higher up his thigh. You mewl, soaked panties rubbing roughly against your folds. You miss the soft swirl of his thumb, the gentle prod of his fingers. Even so, you can’t deny this change in Jungkook is doing something to you, riling up a part of you that you hadn’t known existed. Maybe it’s the horniness from yesterday that was left unfulfilled, the one year anniversary sex that was put on pause. “Just lay there and take it, too fucked out and dumb to say anything.”

His fingers loosen for the briefest of seconds and you gasp for breath. “That’s terrible,” you whimper, rolling your hips up into his thigh, so close to his swollen cock.

Jungkook chuckles without an ounce of humor, pressing your foreheads together as he helps grind you to completion. “Isn’t it? I think that stupid little girl is cute though.”

“I’m sorry,” you blurt, vision spotting as he tightens his hand back around your throat. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you moan, stomach tight from all the stimulation.

Jungkook hums, slowing you down with a tight grip on your waist. “Hm, what are you sorry for?” he croons, pink lips pulling into an evil smile. “You said you weren’t that stupid girl, __.”

You shake your head, trying to roll your hips up again but he’s holding you too tightly now, rendering you immobile beneath him. “I am,” you choke out shamefully, grabbing at the hand on your hip in a feeble attempt to remove it. “I am a stupid little girl.”

Jungkook smirks, leaning down to slot his mouth over yours. “That’s right,” he murmurs, “nothing but a dumb little slut.”

You shiver, opening your mouth when he slides his tongue against your bottom lip. He’s not the slightest bit nice, and more messy than usual. He pulls away with a bite to your lower lip, meeting your trembling gaze with that same unrecognizable glint in his eyes. “Come on, dummy, keep up,” he snarks before devouring you again. You try to, you really do, but he’s moving like an animal today, despite his slow and drunken movements from that morning. So you end up with his saliva dripping down your throat, clinging to the corners of your lips as he begins slowly grinding you against his thigh again. He flashes you a wicked smile, pearly teeth on display for you as he glances down at your messy appearance.

“Are you gonna touch me?” you ask, lower lip trembling at the thought after your desperate rutting. Jungkook purses his lips together in thought.

“Mmm,” he hums. “Don’t know yet.”

You whine. “Jungkook, please,” you whimper, wrapping your legs around his waist. “I need you.”

Jungkook chuckles, running his hand up your waist and taking your shirt with him. He slips his fingers beneath your bra, pushing the wire over your chest as he mouths at your neck. “Cute,” he says. “Can’t do it yourself?”

You tremble, chest arching into him as he rolls your nipple between his fingers. “I-I can,” you gasp. “Just feels better with you.”

Jungkook follows your statement with a nip against your skin, tongue soothing over it right after. “Why? Because I do everything better than you? Even make you cum better than you?”

Your cheeks heat up at his blatant ego rearing its head, hands carding through the hair at the nape of his neck. You say nothing, and that only eggs Jungkook on. “Come onnn,” he teases, finally, finally rolling his hips down onto your core. You squeak, head falling back against the pillows as you’re granted the one thing you’d been chasing. “Say it.”

“Say what?” you ask, voice wobbly as he continues to slowly rut against you, the front of his shorts pressing against the soaked crotch area of your panties. “Oh, oh, Jungkook,” you whine.

Suddenly he bites down harshly, teeth digging painfully into your skin. You yelp in surprise, pussy throbbing at the pain that shoots throughout your body. Jungkook pulls away and doesn’t bother soothing over it as he leans up to capture your jaw this time. “Say you’re a stupid little slut who can’t do anything without me,” he purrs, kisses too soft for the words he says.

Your mind blanks, torn between the humiliating phrase he wants you to say and properly checking him in his place. In the end, it’s with a twisted need to please him that you’re repeating the words back to him. “I-I’m a stupid slut,” you whimper, fingers digging into his shoulder blades as he continues pushing you right along the edge. The rope pulled tightly in your core is slowly being pulled apart, threads hanging on for dear life. “Can’t... can't do anything without...”

“Without who?” he asks, reaching down and untying the front of his shorts. “Can’t do anything without who, baby?”

“Without you, without you,” you cry, bucking your hips up against his, the combined movements of both your bodies making you shake like a leaf. “Ah, K-Kook,” you wail, hips stuttering as your orgasm finally swallows you up. Your panties quickly grow wet and icky from your own arousal that pools between your thighs. Jungkook lets you writhe beneath him as you chase your high, mouth sucking a pretty blossom against your jaw.

You know better than to expect the night to end here, especially after seeing the glint that had been in his eyes as he watched you unravel.

He leans close, let’s his nose brush against yours as you catch your breath. “So perfect for me,” he groans, slotting his lips against yours. You can barely keep up with him, languidly going along with his hot tongue. “Perfect, perfect girl,” he murmurs, a stark change from the less than friendly adjectives he used just moments before. “Tell me you love me?” he says softly.

You nod, mind fuzzy as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Love you,” you exhale, letting your fingers knot in his hair. Your proclamation does something to him, makes him grind the front of his cotton shorts hard against you. For someone that was often rough and brutal with you in bed, he sure was sensitive to the mushiest of things.

“Don’t deserve you,” he huffs, hot breath fanning across your skin. He switches gears fairly quickly. “Tell me you hate me,” he begs hoarsely, rutting against your soiled panties. “Tell me I’m a piece of shit and you could do better without me,” he pleads, voice too airy to be another one of his usual sex-induced thoughts.

You shake your head, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he rolls his hips. “It’s not true,” you whisper, “I love you more than you’ll ever understand.”

Jungkook groans, suddenly winding back and tearing your ruined panties down your legs. You gasp in surprise, letting him haul you about in his blind, self-inflicted rage. “Stupid, stupid,” he huffs, though at this point you can’t tell who it’s directed at. With your underwear out of the way, he wastes no time plunging his fingers back into your cunt, bypassing the tight ring of muscle around it without any of his usual care. “You should hate me,” he snarls, lips pressed against your ear.

You moan, back arching at the sudden pleasure that blossoms between your thighs. “I-I don’t,” you gasp, toes curling.

Jungkook groans, the sound traveling down your spine and straight into your pussy. “Stupid girl,” he huffs, slipping an arm around you to pull you so close until you can’t breathe, chests lined up together. His skin is warm to the touch, scorching almost. “Fuck,” he groans, curling his fingers inside of you. You whimper and moan, incapable of staying still beneath him as he tortures you with a thumb to your clit. “Tell me you hate me,” he seethes again.

Despite the fog that’s settled over your mind, you still manage a resolute shake of your head. “N-no,” you cry, digging your nails into his back. They run dark red lines over his skin, making him hiss at the sting.

Whatever punishment he’s trying to put himself through is falling through with your refusal to admit such a thing. It aggravates him even more, your adamant stance on loving him so, and he’s retracting his fingers before you can cum again. “Please,” he chokes, face tucked into your neck. He’s sloppy with his movements; as he pulls his shorts down and kicks them away, he nearly suffocates you with his weight. “I don’t deserve you, ___, please.”

“I love you,” you whimper for lack of explanation. Jungkook leans back, that same madman gaze in his glossy eyes. He’s looking at you in disbelief almost, pouty lips puckered and swollen. Your hands slip from around him, falling on either side of your head.

Like a cobra he strikes, collecting your wrists in one hand he pins above your head. The sudden movement has him leaning in close, lips brushing over yours. His lashes are coated in a wetness he refuses to acknowledge, looking at you like you drive him insane. “If you ever try to leave me,” he whispers, jerky breath fanning over your skin, “I’ll lose my mind.”

He loves you so much it aches.

“I won’t,” you whimper, feeling your own eyes well up with an emotion that consumes every inch of your being. “I’ll never leave you, you stupid, stupid boy.”

A faint smile crosses his features at your words, lips quirking to the side. You relish in it for all of two seconds before he’s ramming his cock into you, your sensitive walls spawning around him. You sob loudly, eyes rolling back into your head. Your legs instinctively hook themselves around his waist, digging into the base of his spine as he rolls his hips into you.

You feel full and complete like he belongs there in this moment and every moment after this. It makes your heart constrict painfully. Jungkook’s soft groans follow your more unraveled noises, the vulgar slapping of skin on skin the underlying melody to it all. “Ffffuck,” he spits, greedily swallowing your moans up. You whine, arms bucking in an effort to hold him close. But he’s determined in his act of restraining you, long fingers tightening around your wrists until they hurt. “I warned you, didn’t I?” he huffs, snapping his hips into you.

Your walls clench around his hard cock, the drag as he exits sending shivers throughout your body. Jungkook’s body towers over you, glistening in sweat as he nails you into your mattress. “Remember what I said?” he asks, voice but a shuddery exhale. You shake your head numbly, overwhelmed by the rough drag across your walls. “All those months ago, when you first came over,” he adds. The hand on your hip abandons its post to cup you beneath the jaw, palm pressing sinfully against your throat enough to block the tiniest of airflow. “I’ll fuck you and keep you forever,” he murmurs, voice deeper than the pits of hell. He licks a fat stripe over your cheek like you’re nothing but a sweet for him to devour. “Do you remember that, pretty girl?”

You nod jerkily, hips arching up into him when he thrusts into you again. It’s a memory that replays in your mind every so often, your first night with the man you had planned to humiliate over a mere misunderstanding, now your boyfriend of one year. “Want that,” you gasp, tears blurring your vision when he begins picking up the pace. “Wanna be y-your pretty girl forever.”

Jungkook groans, kissing the corner of your mouth. His thighs are some magnificent beings, keeping his pace consistent even as he loses himself in his overwhelming need to kiss you. “Always,” he manages, soft lips pressed against yours. “I won’t ever let you leave.”

A shriek tears itself from your lips as he picks up that harsh piston, releasing your jaw to hold both wrists above your head. It makes his curls dangle in front of his eyes, covering that beautiful dark gaze. It makes his thin little necklace swing back and forth too, though it’s too small to actually touch your face. The rhythmic swing has you hypnotized, just like everything else about Jungkook.

With the length of his hair, you’re left staring at his lips, pulled taut between his pearly white teeth. The word from before sits heavy in your chest, begs to drip from the tip of your tongue. But he’s moving too fast and too hard, scrambling your thoughts until all you can think about is the cock plunging into your heat. His name falls from your mouth like mindless blubber instead, arms thrashing as your second orgasm swallows you up. It sends you crashing, body spasming as the sheer euphoria waves over you slowly and then all at once.

“Perfect,” he grunts, leaning down to slot his mouth against yours, “my perfect girl.” Your cum makes the sound of his hips erotic, the loud squelching following your panting. Still sensitive from your high, your body unconsciously tightens around him, keeps his cock from fully leaving. It brings a soft whine out of Jungkook, one he tries to muffle against the side of your face.

“Inside,” you whimper, even though your body feels like jelly beneath him. “Cum inside, Kook, please,” you beg.

It only takes a few more thrusts into your leaking hole for him to finally reach paradise, hips stuttering when that first shot of pleasure hits him. “Fuck, fuck,” he growls, wildly snapping his hips into your achy cunt. You moan, feeling just about brainless at the overstimulation. His cum leaves you full, almost makes your belly bulge from it. When he’s done he doesn’t bother pulling away, simply slumping into your limp form. His cock, though quickly softening, serves as a plug for the cum threatening to spill out of you.

There’s a muted noise coming from the other room, the faint sound of the mail slipping through your letterbox, the quiet chattering of the street outside. And of course, the loud blaring of your laptop playing the Phineas and Ferb theme song. Jungkook registers it at about the same time as you, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

He pushes off of you soon after, leaning on his palms over you. He’s got that molten look on his eyes, the heat of a thousand suns burning behind those irises as he looks at you. Like he can’t get enough, even though he’s just about taken everything there is to take. “Love you,” he murmurs quietly.

A drop of sweat rolls over his forehead, clinging to the end of his eyebrow. You reach up and brush it away, let your hand trail down his face to cup his cheek. Immediately he leans into the touch, eyes falling half shut. “Love you more,” you respond.

“Impossible,” he scoffs.

Soon after you’re both stumbling out of bed, clothes haphazardly shrugged back on as you drift through the living room. There’s a thin, hot pink package sitting at the door, just having slipped through the letterbox; the stark Sexuality Unleashed logo is printed on the visible side, so you have to wonder what Doyeon could have possibly ordered this time that could be so thin. The laptop is awkwardly sandwiched next to a throw pillow, barely open a crack. Jungkook retrieves it, sets it on his lap as you scamper over to the couch.

“More Phineas and Ferb?” he asks quietly. He hates it, you know he does. And still, he wants to watch it with you.

You nod. “Please.”

He isn’t so concerned with the plot as you, clicking some random episode to start. You snuggle into his side, quietly singing along to the opening. After a moment, Jungkook speaks again. “Phineas and Flirt?” he offers cheekily.

You roll your eyes. “That might’ve been your worst one yet,” you sigh, trying to drown out his indignant huff by focusing on the screen.

“I don’t exactly see you coming up with these,” he points out, obviously feeling wronged.

Without missing a beat you say, “Disney+ and bust.”

epilogue

commercial break one ; the resolution

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[gallivantingheart]

the proposal pt.1

who?: jeonghan x (f)reader

word count: 1495

genre/s: fluff and a bit of fun

warnings: none!

synopsis: jeonghan has never been confused on how you feel about marriage - now it’s just a matter of how to do it.

a/n: just a fun diddy bc i love this sleepy man - no, not based off that movie with sandra bullock

note: bold italics = korean

You confuse him endlessly. More so than the likes of his cryptic self or round-about Jihoon. How you say action is your favourite genre but he catches you watching the same romance movie at least once every few weeks, singing and crying at the same parts. How your wardrobe is full of dark hoodies and you wear the same ripped jeans, but your nails are always sparkly and your draws have pastel blouses. You'll say you don't need romantic gestures, but almost always squeal when he drops flowers by your office. Or the fact you say you're bad at them but always pull the best tear-jerkers on him. Like the time you brought him dinner to the practice room - vase of flowers and all - at midnight while keeping him company, even though he knew you had a client presentation the next day. The comeback prep was gruelling, so yeah, he got a bit misty-eyed.

At least one thing he's not confused with is your opinion of marriage. Despite this comfort, even though you've been together for almost four years, you've never once brought up marriage, even casually. You cried though, when Mingyu and Chaewon got engaged at their anniversary party last year. Babbled wetly into his shoulder about how sweet love was, meant to be and the like - for the record, you were completely sober. Sobbed even longer as one of Chaewon's bridesmaids that Jeonghan had to collect you from the altar after they left the venue. And he's seen you look at apartments to share, linger on pinterest on a Saturday afternoon.

He wants it just as bad as you, but no idea how to broach it. You’ve talked about how you want a rescue cat when you move in together as well as the style of decor. Even said in passing at a park how you hope that your kids have his smile because it’s, “the most beautiful thing I get to see every day.” Jeonghan doesn’t want to overwhelm you with a grand public proposal, but he doesn’t know how to wow you like you do for him all the time. Jeonghan’s gotta be honest - he wants the whole shebang. Smiles, tears, blubbering; the lot.

He also realises that he wants it recorded for your mum when he calls her for her blessing. You moved a whole hemisphere away a year before the two of you met, to pursue a job in the entertainment industry. Something interesting and left of field found you in Korea working in concepts and marketing. So phone and video calls are a regular for the two of you. He’s also tried really hard over the years to improve his English, to bridge the gap with your family. Jeonghan thinks your mother is amazing, kind and funny - the kind of level head he expected to bring such a wonderful person like you into the world.

He’s English is nowhere near good enough for what he wants to say, so he asks for a familiar face to help out. Joshua is on the video call too, made in Shua’s clean dorm. Your mother looks a little surprised to not see you there. You both have the same texture of hair, but not much else.

“Jeonghan! How are you!” She waves.

He smiles at her enthusiasm. “Good thank you. How are you?”

“I’m really good, sweetheart. Bit of a weird time to call - everything okay? Where’s y/n?”

He sees her search the screen for her daughter, even so much as leaning side to side to try and see outside the frame. Some of her speech is still lost on him, so he looks to Joshua in question. He leans over to his ear.

“She’s wondering if everything is okay for you to be calling at this time.”

Jeonghan raises his brows and nods in understanding. Her expression changes as well, the lines around her eyes softening with the fading concern.

“It is okay. Y/N is at work. I...I have a question to ask you. Just us. It’s very important.” He twists his ring anxiously in his lap.

“Of course, what is it?”

Joshua can see the tension rising in Jeonghan’s shoulders, how quiet and hesitant he gets at the elder woman’s agreement. The way he looks at the woman, staring persistently. The American born member leans over with a smile.

“Hi y/n’s mum. It’s a bit of a speech, so I’ll be helping Jeonghan translate, okay?” He looks to his friend, nodding gently. “Jeonghan? Tell her.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met a person like y/n... She’s kind and exciting and interesting and she makes me really happy. I hope I do the same for her. I can’t imagine my life now if she weren’t in it. I don’t want to lose all that. I would like your blessing in asking her to marry me.” Jeonghan says as clear as he can, without too much of his nerves or feelings getting in the way - usually an easy feat for him.

Joshua translates along the way and he picks up words here and there - happy and your name, of course. But he’s not watching his fellow member speak for once, instead analysing his potential mother-in-law’s reaction. He starts to jiggle his knee off the bed as he sees your mother’s expression roll from from a quirked brow to a warm smile, then watching her eyes go glassy and her chin wobble through said smile. Her hands go over her mouth once Joshua finishes and out of shot, his hand lies flat over Jeonghan’s on his sheets in a sign of comfort.

“I...I...yes. I would love to have you as part of the family officially. Of course you have my blessing.” Your mother pulls her hands away to murmur.

She fumbles to the side for tissues and Jeonghan looks to Joshua in shock. He heard a yes, but… Joshua is meanwhile beaming in return, laughing at his member’s expense.

“She would love to have you as part of the family. You have her blessing.”

Jeonghan grins, his chest so full and tense he feels like he might burst. Instead, he laughs, grasping shua’s shoulders to shake them

“Thank you! Thank you so much!”

She shakes her head. “Of course I would say yes. You don’t know how much she talks about you when you aren’t there - how much she raved about you when the two of you first met. It was like the stories she used to make up as a little girl, come to life. I wish I was there to see her face when you ask.”

Jisoo translates and he laughs even more, elated being an understatement.

It took a little searching and contemplating on what kind of ring to get you. Nothing too big, because you used your hands for everything. Not gold, because you didn’t like the way it looked against your skin. He settles on loopholing the gold for white gold, something silver but reflective and a singular round diamond - only two carats or else you’d throw a fit at the mystery price. He gets a thin chain as well of the same material, knowing you were more likely to wear it round your neck than on your finger for fear of losing it. Seungkwan of all people was the one to help with the final decision, insisting on its chic simplicity and pretty glow.

Jeonghan decides on a little party to pop the question. Or as little as you can get with thirteen members and their partners as well as your friends and their plus ones. Under a guise of missing your friends and a celebration of your success with a client, he even whines that he’ll organise the food and drink. Everyone invited is in on it, of course, which heightens the stakes.

The box sits hot in his pocket or bag all week. All the members know about the little surprise coming up dance between trading their resident trickster or offering a helping hand. Seungkwan has pulled up as quite the miracle worker, his entertainment ties conjuring up a caterer on such short notice and Mingyu slipping the business card of the decorator of his engagement party - it’s a little worn from being worried in Seungcheol’s initial finding but that just adds to the charm. Like a group heirloom to be passed around.

Despite the client win, you’re still snowed under with new paperwork and contracts, so you’re none the wiser to the nerves brewing in your boyfriend which proves to be the perfect mix come the weekend.

He lets you sleep in even later than the two of you usually do, and encourages you to take up that nail salon voucher you’ve been humming and harring about - you deserve a treat, he whines. And when you shut the door gently, Jeonghan breathes a sigh of relief and an inhale of stress - now the fun really begins.

[unprofessional-bard]

Chapter 11 - The Introduction

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: Fluff, smut (just a good ol' handjob in a tub and implied smut) and a lil bit of angst/tense situations + uncomfortable talks/thoughts of pregnancy and trauma.

Summary: Unprepared for the consequences, the reader has to put up with two new arrivals, even though there's something off about them. Something more than just the shock of survival.

Word Count: 6.810

Author's Note: This chapter is set between April and July 2036, I apologise bc the reader is slowly turning into her own character, like Dolly's becoming an OC 😭 but yeah I love you all so much, thank you for reading my series 🥺💗

Enjoy!

"Well, well, what have we here."

The trio halted in their tracks as your voice echoed in the stables, your flashlight shining on them.

"Hey, Dolly," Ellie turned around, dying inside. Beside her was Cat and Jesse, turning around with pursed lips. "What'cha doin'?"

"Oh not much- patrol, you know," You said nonchalantly, walking towards them with threatening steps as you did. "Making sure people don't sneak off in the middle of the night with the horses. Kinda like what you three are doing."

"We weren't sneaking off," Jesse chuckled, but the panic in his voice gave him away easily. "We're just here to... feed the horses?"

"They're being fed regularly, you know that, so cut the crap." You spoke sternly. "Where the hell are you all off to?"

"We were just-" Ellie took over. "We're meeting with Dina. Eugene is there with her."

"What for?" You inquired. "What does Eugene have to do with whatever it is you're planning?"

They were struggling to reveal the truth, but Ellie knew better than to lie. She knew that, as long as it was the truth you wouldn't get angry; it was your thing and Ellie had noticed it from the Boston QZ, so she gave a look to Cat, whom you suspected to be Ellie's girlfriend, and she spoke: "Eugene has weed."

"Ex-cuse me?" Your eyes widened with a long blink at the three words. You weren't against it or anything, but you were just shocked- How and where in hell did Eugene find weed?

"Yeah, shit- Uh, we'll head back," Jesse mumbled.

"No it's-" You quickly recovered and fixed your posture. "How?"

"We were going to find out," Cat offered an apologetic smile.

"Christ," You chuckled. "Oh, Eugene, Eugene..." You quickly look around, a devilish smirk spreading across your face. "You know what? Go."

"Are you serious?" Ellie asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. I'm not gonna rob you bunch from your teenage years," You chuckled. "Under one condition: I'll ride with you all."

"Oh, okay," Cat grinned excitedly and proceeded to climb on a horse, Jesse mirroring her actions after he offered his thanks.

"Okay," You pointed at the rifle you had in your hands after climbing on a horse. "Let's ride quick, I'm probably gonna get in a lot of trouble as it is, so..."

"Thanks, Dolly," Ellie spoke after she settled behind Cat.

If Eugene wasn't there, you wouldn't have let them out and would've proceed to fetch anyone who was already outside. You knew they could handle themselves, but you just didn't want anything to happen to them. It had just finished raining so it was extremely dark outside. After the quiet and fast ride, you saw them off into the partly wrecked building.

"If it's legit, we'll bring you some." Jesse smirked after the girls waved goodbye and walked in.

"Go on, get!" You chuckled and shooed at him, then began riding back the way you came while ignoring the offer, which was actually quite enticing.

It was near dawn when you heard a bunch of horses riding at full speed, nearing your position. The sky was turning a bright shade of blue, and you couldn't deny the beautiful scene in front of you. The air smelled of earth and remnants of rain from a few hours ago and there were the occasional chirping of birds and a squirrel here and there - the peace however was gone the moment the horses appeared. You immediately shot up from your place to see what was going on, shoulder aching a little whenever you gripped your rifle (the bullet which had teared its way into your flesh right before your showdown with Axel, although healed for the most part, still hurt).

You let out a relieved sigh when you recognised Ellie's red hair and Eugene's white ones, then you saw Dina and Jesse, but there were two other people you didn't know riding with them. You blinked a couple of times after you lowered your rifle, then shouted down to Cedric: "Open the gate!"

You made your way down and immediately went over to Eugene and the strangers, hand on your rifle just in case: "Hey, what's going on?"

"Cedric, take them to Kat, have her take a look at their wounds," Eugene instructed and he immediately obliged. After they disappeared and the kids went to put their horses in the stables, he spoke: "We were on our way back here when we heard shouting, found this couple fighting for their lives against a dozen infected in the woods. We took them down easily and offered them help afterwards... They're a bit freaked out, but they'll be okay."

"Okay, I'll let Ma-" You suddenly stopped, realisation dawning on you. "How the hell are we gonna tell Maria?"

Eugene looked deep in thought for half a minute, then spoke: "Tell her it was me and Dina. We were patrolling anyways-"

"What about the couple?"

"We'll ask them to say it was just the two of us, and to decrease the number of infected, problem solved. Relax, will ya?"

You nodded quickly, then walked off after telling him to alert the kids about the plan.

You stopped by the infirmary first. Daisy and a new medic, Angie, were tending to them and Cedric was standing guard while Kat wasn't present. You walked up to your patrol partner and tapped his shoulder: "You can go now, I'll take over from here."

"Sure," He shrugged, yawned, then waved goodbye. You slowly approached the beds the pair were sitting on, opposite each other, the grip on your rifle strong.

"How are you two holding up?" You said awkwardly, making them look between themselves before the woman spoke.

"We'll be okay... Thanks for helping us."

"Right- sure," You sighed quietly. "Could I ask for your names?"

The young woman looked at her partner once more, as if asking for permission, then looked back at you: "I'm Kiki... This is my husband Ward."

You nodded and offered a simple nice to meet you, but didn't give your name to them. Instead, you turned to Daisy: "Let me know when you're finished."

She nodded and proceeded with her stitches before you left the room. You weren't the one to judge people right off the bat, especially in the apocalypse. A lot of newcomers (including you) came here looking bewildered and drained because they were either almost eaten by a pack of infected or murdered by bandits, simple as that.

Ward was a brunette with a dark stubble, thicker than Joel's and had short, black hair. His nose was large but suited the rest of his face just fine, with big, dark brown eyes. A scar ran over the crook of his nose down his cheek and he looked hardened, just like everyone else. Kiki, on the other hand, was also a brunette, but her features weren't as sharp as Ward's, or she was just much younger than him. She had long, black hair and her eyes matched the colour; she was also smaller than Ward, with a petite figure. She was very beautiful, too and looked frightened rather than hardened.

Around ten minutes later, Daisy walked out: "Angie's finishing up, but I'm done. I'm heading over to check on other patients, if you need me I'll be there."

"Okay," You nodded and walked back inside. The couple was neatly patched up and sitting quietly, eyes wide. When you walked in, Kiki jumped, but relaxed the same moment she saw your face. "Must've been through a lot, you two..."

"You could say that-" Kiki murmured, then looked over to Ward, who didn't seem to take notice of he conversation. There was a gash on his chin and he was squeezing the hell out of the bed sheets as Angie worked on the wound. He didn't make a single sound, but the nurse looked a little distressed. "Do you-" Kiki abruptly asked. "Do you run things around here?"

"Uh- No," You turned your head towards her, your grip on your rifle never faltering once. "No, I'm sort of responsible for the security. The boss lady will be here soon."

"Lady?" Kiki looked genuinely confused.

"Yes." You offered a simple nod. "I'm gonna ask something of you both. Don't worry, it's something simple."

Ward immediately intervened before Kiki could open her mouth: "What?"

"Relax," You warned, keeping your eye on him. "Angie, could you give us a minute?"

"Of course, I'm done anyways," She practically threw the equipments onto the small table next to the bed, took off her latex gloves, tossed them into the trash and ran out.

You gave Ward a hardened look, then spoke, walking between their beds, keeping them in your vision: "When the boss comes here, she's going to ask you a few questions... I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk about the kids' being there when they found you."

"Why?" Kiki asked, worried.

"Well, they weren't supposed to be outside- Except for the girl with long, black hair and the man who brought you here. It'd save us a lot of trouble if you didn't mention them."

"So, what, you expect us to lie?" Ward huffed.

"No." You spoke coldly, rivaling his hostile tone. "I'm simply asking you to leave out the part where there were 4 kids- There was just one. Besides, she may not even ask about it."

Your staring contest with Ward ended when, as if on cue, Maria, Tommy and Eugene entered the room. You saw the fright in Kiki's eyes, so you spoke calmly: "Hey, it's okay. That's her, the boss lady- and her husband."

"Boss lady?" Tommy chuckled and stood next to you, Maria and Eugene mirroring him.

"It's okay," Maria spoke: "We got this, you can go now."

You nodded once and reluctantly walked out from the room. Stepping outside the infirmary, you came across Cedric waiting by the entrance. You shook your head towards the gates with a simple: "Let's go."

Cedric was almost 15 years younger than you, had even younger features than someone would have in their 30s. He had chin length, dirty blonde hair with hazel eyes fleeing to green. He was a calm and collected person, unlike most people in Jackson. Your tactics and strategical thinking were similar, which made patrol much more effective and easy.

Both of your shifts ended around two hours later, when the sun was up completely and shining down on the streets, calling people to duty; it was, however, your call to hit the bed. After turning over your weapons and heading your separate ways with Cedric, you walked over to your house, a smile spreading across your face at the thought of seeing Joel.

You hadn't seen each other in almost three days due to different shifts but, with the weekend off, you could finally rest in your husband's arms.

You quietly entered the house and tiptoed up the stairs. The bedroom door was closed, he was obviously still asleep. Normally, he'd be awake by 7AM, but lately he'd been really hard on himself with patrols- it was only right he treated himself to a few extra hours of sleep. You really wanted to crawl next to him, or just take a small peak inside the room to see him, but you knew better. He awoke to the slightest creak of the bed when you got up, or simply turned to drink some water. You wanted him to rest though, that came first, so you used the bathroom outside your room to get cleaned up, then moved into the bathtub to treat yourself. It had been a while since you let your muscles rest and relax in the deliciously hot water.

Not even five minutes later after you settled in the warmth, you heard the slow opening of the door. You opened your eyes to find Joel with nothing but his boxer briefs on, heart beating with ecstasy and joy at seeing him in his sleepy state: "Hey," You giggled. "Morning handsome."

"Mornin' baby," He rubbed the corner of his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I didn't wake you, did I?"

"Would you believe me if I said no?" He smirked as he proceeded to take off his underwear.

"Probably not," You smiled apologetically, he'd quite possibly woken to the sound of the water filling. You extended both of your arms to him, calling him to your embrace while stretching and yawning: "Come here, I missed you."

The words made Joel stop in his tracks for a short moment, heart wearming at them, then walked over to the tub with his naked glory: "Scoot."

You simply leaned back and parted your legs, offering him to lay against you. He obliged, got in and sat, making the water level rise when he laid down against your chest. Your left arm rested on his chest, partly hugging him, while your right hand went through his hair. You gave him a kiss on his neck, a lovely kiss which made him sigh contentedly: "M-hm, I missed you too. Missed this..."

You wanted to stay like that forever: Caressing his hair and the occasional, soft kisses against his jaw, cheek and neck which made his heart melt. You could sense that this small gesture made him very happy, which in turn made you hug him tightly.

"What do you say we..." You purred into his ear. "Ditch the dinner plans for tonight, hm?"

His eyes were closed when he spoke: "Why? Got somethin' else in that pretty little mind of yours?"

"Yeah," You confirmed, running your hand up and down his chest. "We could do something, just the two of us."

"Like...?"

"Hmm, like movie night? Or you can play me something?"

"Only if you sing." He grinned.

"Nope, scratch that," You chuckled and shifted under him a little. "Or we can just... You know, fuck." He coughed out a laugh at your bluntness. "What? You don't want to?"

"I didn't say that," He turned a little and looked up into your eyes with a brilliant smile. "I'd love nothing more, actually, but these are Jesse's parents." You sighed, disappointed, saying I know, I know. "We have two days to ourselves, (Y/N)- You can have me all to yourself, except for a few hours."

"Fine," You growled jokingly, smiled and kissed his lips softly.

What was intended to be a simple kiss now slowly moved in the direction of a filthy make-out session, his tongue parting your lips with ease and meeting yours. Joel grabbed your calf and caressed it slowly, while you took advantage of his distraction and sneaked a hand down his abdomen.

You shifted a little more to the side and took his cock in hand, which made him sigh and drop his head on your shoulder: "(Y/N)..."

"Hmm?" You hummed with a smile when your thumb pressed on his slit, making him hiss and become harder. "Let me take care of you, huh?"

You watched Joel's brows drawing together when you slowly started to pump him. You kissed the pulse on his neck, then moved down to his collarbone. His grip on your leg was more solid the firmer you worked his length, and he jumped ever so slightly when you bit down on his collarbone. His erection grew bigger by the second all the while you sucked and bit a small hickey on his skin.

"Shit..." He shifted in the water, pulling himself upwards so that you didn't have trouble reaching for his shaft.

"You want me to go faster?" You whispered and kissed his shoulder. He nodded but didn't speak and let you work your magic.

You picked up pace, flicking your wrist and focusing on the underside of his head, making him groan broken, unclear profanities. After a while, you felt him tense under your touch, his breathing turning a little laboured.

"(Y/N)..." He sighed through gritted teeth, letting you have your way with him.

"That's it..." You cooed and continued kissing him. Soon, he let out a loud groan and came, making you moan quietly.

Seeing Joel like this -relaxed and euphoric- was always a treat, moments like this where it was just the two of you; no infected, no survival, no bullshit from tha past. You were aware of how it was a luxury to do the things you were able to do: Taking a hot bath, finding someone you loved and marrying them, sleeping on a bed with clean sheets without worrying if infected or bandits were going to jump you.

You were grateful, you were reminded of this everyday, but it took its toll on you, too.

A lot of people, innocent kids were out there, suffering- dying, surviving... You wished you had the power to help them all and rebuild, but you were aware of how dangerous it was out there. It was simply too risky to leave Jackson. You weren't some superhero, after all.

Not a hero...

"What's got you thinkin'?" Joel snapped you out of your thoughts, his fingers ever so gently tracing your cheekbone as you laid on the bed across each other. It was night-time, after dinner with Jesse and his parents and, of course, a round of much needed love making. You both were a little sleepy, definitely content with sweat covering your bodies like a thin layer of blanket.

You looked into his eyes from where your head was -which was on the crook of your elbow, resting on your pillow- and gave him a phantom of a smile, nodding slightly: "Nothing in particular. You?"

"You," He smiled, which made you chuckle. Convincing Joel that you were absolutely, 100% okay was getting trickier as he'd spent just enough time to sense a depressive episode's approach; you didn't want to burden him with your self-doubt and self-loathing, as you hated it when his mood shifted for the worse because of you. "Wonderin' what goes on in that head of yours."

"Wish I knew that myself," You grabbed his hand which was tracing the left side of your face, then turned the back of it for a kiss.

You knew, though. While you and Joel were helping with the dishes in the kitchen, Jesse's mother, Robin had asked if you were planning on having any children. The question you'd been dying to avoid had finally been asked, which made you drop the plate you had in your hand into the sink. It truly was an off-guard moment for you, which startled Joel, but luckily the topic was never brought up again after the plate in question shattered into pieces. You weren't sure if you wanted a child, not after the incident with Miles.

The moment when the contents of his skull splattering onto the ground while he was in your arms- under your supervision haunted you day and night. You never talked about it to anyone, and no one had asked, but it only intensified after your wedding. Because you knew what people had in their minds: Will we be seeing a Joel or Dolly Jr. running around?

You were fucking old, too, and so was Joel. Even if you didn't know whether you'd be able to carry due to that, there was no point in risking it either way, since I clearly suck at watching over kids.

"I think you do," He pushed himself closer to you and sneaked the hand against your mouth onto your waist, propping his arm up and putting his head against the palm of the other. "You just don't wanna talk about it. Which is okay, y'know." You nodded, smile growing a bit wider. "We've been over this before, but If you ever feel like- y'know... you're borin' me or something-"

"I know," You offered a full smile, pushing your thoughts away at the best of your ability. "I see you, Joel Miller," You then put a hand against his chest, where his heart should be: "I know you, you know me... You know what I think?"

He gave you a curious look, but it got replaced with something that hinted excitement when you ever so slowly pushed him on his back with the hand on his chest, then straddled his hips. Joel chuckled: "How is it that you still have this much energy after only four hours of sleep?"

The sleep in question took place after the 'mingling' in the bath. Warm April breeze, even warmer covers and warmest above all, Joel's body pressed against yours, both of your hairs wet and drying on their own as you slept in your lovers arms. He woke up after an hour or so, lingered there for awhile, just enjoying your presence by his side; he then quietly left you to sleep- lord knows you needed it.

"You're just getting old, baby," You giggled and leaned down to kiss him, his hands immediately going to your hips. "Not complaining, though."

An uneventful few weeks passed as Jackson entered the first week of June. Two losses in the town, but no new arrivals after Katie- Kiki and Ward. No raids as well, so overall it was calm.

After reporting in about the week in general, one evening, Maria asked you to stay behind: "It's time for Ward and Katie to go through the test," She declared. "We gotta see if they're fit for patrol or not."

"You got it. When?"

"Tomorrow. I already notified them, we'll meet at the northern training post-"

"We who?" You ran a hand through your hair.

"You and me. Robert and Eugene were supposed to be there originally, but they'll be off hunting." She explained and you nodded. Without further ado, you walked out and made your way back home.

The next morning, Joel accompanied you to the training post. Normally it was your day off with him, but training awaited. The weather was particularly hot for an early morning, so it came to you as a little shock when you saw Kiki, who was wearing a rather thick looking blouse. You didn't question it of course, but it made you think.

"Alright," You cleared your throat, after a quick greeting, stepping into the open training area. Joel and Maria remained inside, arranging the medical needs list while keeping an eye on you three. "I'm gonna put you two through a little test. Maria tells me you decided to stay here in Jackson, so we need to decide which duties you're fit for."

Ward remained incredibly still while Kiki nodded. Her hands were resting between her knees, while Ward had his arms crossed. They were sitting on a bench under the shade: "It's going to get a little physical, but I assure you I'm not going to hurt either of you." You turned around and walked over to the middle of the area: "Right, let's start with you, Kiki."

She gave a panicked look to Ward, but he just nodded with a thoughtful frown, rather than a permitting glare. Over the weeks they had been in Jackson, people sort of got used to their non-verbal interactions, even though some people found it suspicious. She got up and made her way over to you and, by the look on her face, regretted her outfit of choice as she tried to loosen the collar.

"If you want to stop- at any moment, let me know," You reassured her. She nodded, went to roll her sleeves up, but stopped immediately. You acted like you didn't see it, then proceeded to get in stance and lift your hands up: "Okay, let's start with something simple. Show me your stance."

She gave you a blank stare: "My what?"

"Your... stance, you know, fighting stance?"

"I don't have one," She simply shrugged.

"Okay," You sighed quietly. "Then show me how you punch."

She threw what could've been a proper punch but it was weak, you immediately caught her fist in your palm. She panicked and pulled back, and you immediately let go. You glanced at Ward, who seemed to be on high alert.

"Again," You got into stance and she obliged, throwing another weak punch your way. Her stance was there, actually, and her punches came through like she knew what she was doing, but the impact wasn't effective.

It went on a couple more punches, which you caught in your hand each time, until she spoke: "Why do you do that?"

"What?" You lowered your hands.

"You keep holding my hands," It was as if she was more annoyed than confused. "Can you not do that?"

"It's a reflex-" You explained, glanced at Ward again, then looked back at her. "I do it with everyone I train, but if you don't want me to then it's fine."

Not everyone, only the ones with punches as slow, weak and predictable as hers.

"Okay, now let's try some... combos," You added and got in a more secure stance. "Throw one punch after another. Fast and hard. Don't hold back."

"I'm not holding back," She grunted and did a typical boxing combo, which, generally, only people trained in boxing knew- but her punches were still weak. You remained quiet and let her go at it for a few rounds.

You suddenly took a step back, raised your hand up to the same level as your face and spoke: "Kick."

Instead, she went to kick you between your legs. A rush of panic and years of reflexes kicked in and you caught her feet between your knees. You looked up with a what the fuck was that? expression on your face and waved your hand in the air: "I meant here."

"We're fighting, right? We need to be unpredictable," She said with a tone of... irritation? Was she snickering?

"Do I look like a bandit to you?" You let go of her leg, giving her a displeased look.

"You did say you wanted to see what we were capable of."

Where was this sudden confidence coming from all of a sudden?

She was always a little weird with you. Not that you saw her too often but the moments when you two were together, one minute she'd look like she wanted to be your friend (which was when Joel was around), other times she'd remind you of a cruel, rank-wise superior back in the Boston QZ (which was when Joel wasn't around).

You gave her a hard look: "Alright. Let's see how you're gonna do when someone's actually fighting you, then."

Her expression went from somewhat cocky to seriousness as you took a few steps foward and towered over her. Your instructions were simple and clear when you spoke: "I'm gonna put you in a lock. Wriggle out of it."

You slowly grabbed her wrist, giving her time to get ready and process what you were doing. Then, you twisted her arm carefully around her waist and turned her around, pressing her arm on her back, only for her to suddenly squeal: "Okay! Enough!"

You quickly took a step back, startled at her reaction, you weren't even applying the slightest pressure. Ward suddenly shot up from where he was sitting and yelled: "What did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything!" You frowned.

"It's okay!" Kiki suddenly stepped in front of Ward who was advancing your way. "I panicked, she didn't-"

"Woah there," You suddenly heard Joel and Maria approach the field. Confusion was superior to your anger at that moment: Had you really hurt her?

"Calm down," Maria put her hands on her hips. "She specifically warned you that she wouldn't hurt you under any circumstances. Relax."

You gave Maria a grateful look as he defended you: "I didn't even apply pressure- Look, no one's here to hurt you on purpose."

Ward and Kiki stared into each other's eyes, and by all means it was not a romantic moment, then the bigger of the two finally groaned: "I think she's had enough. For today."

"You think?" You unintentionally slipped it out, but the companions by your side seemed to agree with what you were getting at. "Do you want to stop Kiki?"

"Um," She looked at the three of you, chewing on her bottom lip, then answered quietly after a tense moment of silence: "Yeah, I think I should stop."

"Fine," You said, trying to keep your voice as netural as possible. "Let's continue with you then, Ward." Before anyone could say anything, you and the man you challenged found yourselves back on the middle of the combat area. "Show me your stance and let's begin."

He did as you asked but didn't wait for you to size him up, throwing a punch into your palm as soon as you lifted it, startling your audience. That didn't stop either of you from starting off with a much quicker and a harsher routine, which seemed to have everyone on edge.

You didn't counter once, but it was as if he was forcing you out of the defensive with his strikes, not to mention he was forcing you to step out of the area.

"What the hell's goin' on?" Tommy half jogged over to where the three were standing, watching you two roll from a snowball into an avalanche. Ward was grunting with each hit missed, anger taking over his features, while you kept your cool. It was as if he was riling himself up because he couldn't land a punch - his aim was messy and unstable, which was nothing compared to your years of disciplinary training.

"Okay, I think you've proved your point, Ward." Maria spoke loudly after Tommy's sudden entrance, but he didn't seem to hear her.

"I agree," You grunted and dodged a rather heavy looking punch, rolled over behind him and got up immediately; before you could say anything else, thinking he had stopped, you momentarily let your guard down. Everybody seemed to have thought the same, but what none of you saw coming was the exceptionally hard blow on your nose.

"What the fuck?!" You heard someone, weren't sure who, yell as you saw a blur of people rushing toward you when you stumbled backwards, hands wrapping around your possibly broken nose with a brief shout.

Giving into your anger, before anyone can get a grip of what you were doing, you launched yourself at Ward: "Son of a-" You grabbed the collar of his shirt and headbutted him: "Bitch!"

It was beyond everyone just how fast you had moved, broke his nose with an equally strong strike and had him falling on his arse. Kiki rushed to his husband's side, Maria to yours while Tommy kept Joel from ripping Ward to shreds. You were sure you were going to pass out when Maria got a hold of you, feeling as if you were under water with the blurring of your vision and hearing. The adrenaline rush in your veins kept you from losing consciousness, though.

"(Y/N)?" Maria's voice got clearer each passing second as you chased the lingering faint away from your mind, finally opening your eyes completely to see a displeased face. "(Y/N) are you okay?"

"Yeah," You sighed, whipping your hands in the air around your waist to shake off the droplets of blood from your bleeding nose as best as you could, tears at the corners of your eyes. "Just fine and dandy."

You felt the familiar, calloused hands of Joel gently hold your elbows as Maria turned around to see to Ward: "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Joel," You nodded and wiped the blood on your white t-shirt in a pissed, exhausted manner.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" You heard Maria growl at Ward, who was still shaken and sitting on the ground, face looking about the same as yours. "You can't just come up and punch people because you got angry at them! This is Jackson: You're not outside, and she isn't your enemy."

"It's okay- I'm sorry Maria- He's a little, uh," Kiki whined on her knees where she had knelt, but went quiet when he looked behind her to see you and Joel.

"You're not his mother, Katie," The blonde spoke, more calm now but no less strict. "He can speak for himself, and the same goes for you."

There was an intense moment between the three, while Tommy nodded at what Maria had said, his hands on his hips, looking at them disapprovingly: "Alright, c'mon, let's get you to a doc."

Joel in the meanwhile, like a mother duck, studied your nose and held a piece of cloth against the bleeding. He kept you focused on him while Maria and Tommy handled the other couple: "Fuckin' bastard..."

You chuckled at the way he grumbled as he wiped the blood off your nose gently: "Got what he was asking for though, don't go around wanting to kick his ass."

"Yeah, that was a pretty damn good hit..." He spoke, but his voice faded into the background when you curiously looked over to see what was going on, only to come across Kiki's face first things first. What you saw on her face sent a shiver down your spine.

Anger.

Not because you hurt Ward though, no. It was more than that.

It was jealousy.

You knew both because you had spent enough time with her to understand what that look meant, and her expression wasn't hard: It was soft, a certain yearning spread across her features as her eyes went back and forth between you and Joel. You couldn't tell what irked you the most: The way she looked at you, or him. You seemed to add more to her anger, while when she stared at your husband (and stared at him longer), there was longing and confusion.

The moment you made eye contact, she immediately turned around and scurried off, leaving you two and Maria alone.

"Hm? Dolly?" You heard Joel again once you brushed off the odd stare you got from Kiki.

"What?" You gave him a puzzled look.

"I asked if you wanted to have this looked at," He repeated in a soft voice. Most of the time, with small scratches or wounds which didn't need stitches or weren't cut too deep to get an infection or anything, you preferred handling it on your own to not waste the town's medical supplies.

"No, I got it," You nodded quickly and took a step back, feeling your nose while Maria approached you both.

"What the hell was that, (Y/N)?" She had her hands on her hips as well.

"I don't know, Maria," You emphasised each word, making your discomfort and irritation show. "...I have a few ideas though."

You moved inside, away from the burning sun and began discussing your first impression.

"So, what do you think?" Maria asked from behind her desk. Two pairs of eyes watched you quietly as you sat up on your chair, still holding the cloth up to your nose.

"Well, they're definitely not military, I can tell you that much. They don't know the first thing about combat - Kiki doesn't, anyway." Something's not right with them, you wanted to say, but decided to keep it to yourself for the time being and continued: "She's weak, can't even throw a punch. Almost lost her shit when I put her into that lock- I couldn't even put her into the lock, she just screamed."

"Yeah, what was up with that?" Maria asked but didn't demand an answer, it was more like a rhetorical question. You explained how she also went out of the training routine and tried to kick you, but again, it was weak.

"It's actually not that she's weak, but more like she's holding back," You said thoughtfully after a moment of silence.

"How do you mean?" Joel spoke for the first time.

"I mean, you can feel that she's holding back on purpose." Much as you hated your years in FEDRA, your experience with training and being trained came in handy on a daily basis - as much as you hated it, you were also grateful. "While Ward, on the other hand," You shifted in your seat, annoyed, "Fights like a feral beast, and I can tell that wasn't his full potential."

Joel growled quietly and crossed his arms. You then continued with your observation: "I don't want to be too quick on my judgement, but there's something not right with them."

Tommy walked in at that moment: "Well, that was a shit show."

"What happened?"

"They argued the whole way," Tommy sighed and pulled a chair between you and Joel, then sat exactly the same way his brother was sitting. "It was... weird is one way to put it."

"Let's keep them under supervision for awhile," You offered.

"You're volunteering?" Maria raised a brow.

"Hell no, not after that anyway. My existence would just antagonise them."

"What are you suggestin'?" Tommy turned to you.

"Put them through another training session with Walt, he'll know what I'm talking about... And Eugene found them, so maybe he'll be up for the task."

A moment of quiet and glances were exchanged among the family, then Maria cleared her throat: "Fine, we'll see what the other's think of that and vote for it."

"Okay. Now if you'll excuse me..." You murmured and got up, walking out of the room absentmindedly, deep in thought. A headache settled to the front of your head and you felt fatigue take over as soon as you stepped outside, while you left the other Millers confused.

"Hey," You heard Joel's soft voice from behind you not much later, which made you stop in your place and turn around. You gave him a blank stare, the cloth holding hand dropping to your side to reveal the smeared, dried blood around your nose. Without any rush, he walked over to you with a worried look and stood right in front of you.

After gazing into each other's eyes fro a while, Joel no doubt searching yours to understand what was going on and you just finding comfort in his, he slowly took your empty hand in his. With a soft tilt of his head in the direction of your house, you blinked once in acknowledgement and started walking with him.

Your anger and irritation started dissipating the more you walked like that, hand in hand and in silence, but your headache and slowly worsening mood, the taste of blood on your tongue remained. Not many words needed to be said with Joel, he knew what you needed by just one look. You were sure if Kurt saw you like that, he would laugh until his lungs couldn't take it: Look at you! Although the thought made your heart warm, it wasn't enough to lift the corners of your lips. You unconsciously held onto Joel's hand tighter as you walked to your house, and he returned the gesture, a simple gesture- an assurance that let you know he had you.

Once you stepped inside and he closed the door while you stood in the hallway, he walked up to you and held your shoulders and gave you a soft, still concerned look. You looked up at him with a soft sigh through your nose some seconds later, and finally spoke: "I'm gonna... I'm gonna go lay down a little."

"Okay," Joel gave you a reassuring smile and placed a kiss on your forehead. "You let me know if you need anything."

"Of course," You smiled back, a lifeless, small but an equally reassuring smile. Joel watched you climb up the stairs slowly, thinking about how long it would take you to feel better while also thinking of how he could make you feel at ease during the time.

His fears were similar to yours: He didn't want you to feel responsible or upset because of his own self-doubt and self-loathing, and he hated having you show all the effort to make him feel better about himself, about the things he had done. You kept assuring him that that was what being partners was all about, that you do what you do for him gladly and would continue doing it for as long as you were able (which meant as long as you were alive). He was glad to have you by his side, but of course didn't rely on you as if you were a rehabilitation centre, and it went both ways.

While thinking about all of this, with a cup of coffee in hand and sitting on his porch, his ears perked up at the round of laughter coming from behind the house. It was then, when he came up with a plan to make you feel better, even in the slightest.

Ellie.

—————

tags: @spideysimpossiblegirl

[sleepdeprivedheretic]

Those Shoes (Ch.3)

Song Inspired: I Want You by Savage Garden

Notes: @youtubequeens Hope you stay hydrated and have a lovely time! <3 Here’s this bit for now :3

Warnings: Creepy people, not getting the hint that a person’s uncomfortable, unwanted flirting, and talk about emotions bc honestly what are they?

He smiled as Eijirou took a bite of his onigiri, Tamaki sighed softly at his younger brother, as said boy had specks of sticky rice on his face.

It was a lazy Sunday morning, the boys were home from school, and Taishiro was enjoying his day off.  

“Did ya have a good day at work, Papa?” The ruby-eyed boy inquired, and Tai smiled, ruffling his hair.

“Ya bet I did, kiddo.”

 He didn’t tell his boys what he had exactly did for a living, but he promised himself that he would, in the future. So far, all they knew is that he was a professional dancer.

“Dancing must be hard.” Tamaki broke the silence after chewing on his scrambled egg, and his father laughed.

“Nah. It takes a lotta practice. Did you boys had fun at yer day at school?” He pondered, sipping from his cup of coffee.

“Yeah! There was a nice new boy who was shy! There were some mean kids, but I protected him!” Eijirou rambled excitedly. Taishiro chuckled, and then looked at Tamaki.

“Mirio fell in a puddle. Face first. I had to take him to the nurse.” He shrugged, yet Taishiro didn’t miss the soft glint that speckled in his eyes. He smiled.

“That kid’s pretty resilient, huh? Anyways, eat yer breakfast, then we’ll head out to the park, alright?”

………………

It was a pretty November day. Skeleton trees hovered beneath the rich blue sky as your shoes crunched up against the fallen colorful leaves. Although it hasn’t been a week, yet, you were slowly re-adapting to your hostess job, and nit and tucking the dancer’s clothes.

You were surprised on how many had requested your services, staying absolutely still as you kept a cool facade, keeping the pointed needle from digging into skin as you measured, cut, and sewed loose fabric. You believed in your abilities, yet it felt as if it didn’t matter.

You weren’t good at holding the obvious flirty conversations that somehow were being thrown at you out of nowhere. They would giggle, and you had to still your hand so that you couldn’t accidentally jab their shaking bodies, whilst trying to be polite.

Where did the sudden interest come from? You wondered. Your mother, undoubtedly, was on high alert as she noticed it, too. The flirting, joking, the inquiring questions. Luckily, the fitting room had a camera, and thankfully, your patients had known it too, so they were extra careful in not doing anything that was against the regulations. Your mother was watching, you all knew.

Speaking of which, she did not try to make things better. She would wink, or make subtle little jokes, as she explained that it was good for business. You couldn’t help but press your mouth in a firm line.

You worked so hard, finding the perfect materials, ignoring your own discomfort as you bit the bullet and tried to focus on making the outfit snug and resilient, while the owners ignored your tense shoulders and set jaw. You were appalled, as they used alluring honeyed words, directed your attention to a “loose” fabric between their thighs, and so on.

You, feeling a surge of retaliation, growled out that it would cost extra for you to fix certain areas, and preferred that the outfit was on a mannequin, instead.

Your spitfire attitude had certainly weeded out a few of the unwanted customers, but, gained some more who thought it was a challenge. You didn’t miss the look of sheer pride from your mother, however, as she sported a wicked grin.

“That’ll teach them. Might make your blond a little less jealous.” She winked, and you paled in question. He was jealous? Of what? You were only doing your job, charging the dancers a certain amount, and giving your mother, your boss, a small part of the revenue as she requested. Although a thorn in your side, she was also a beautiful rose, and you knew that she was helping you in her own way, thus, opening your eyes more to the situation.

It didn’t take you long to realize, that yes, he was jealous, and you were too busy to acknowledge the possibility, until your mother had to basically tell you. So, you took your time to observe your surroundings.

Daggers for a stare had met each and everyone of the customers who had followed you into the fitting room, you’ve seen. While hosting, you started to take breaks to watch him, much to the oddly placed chagrin in the other dancers. His style was a little different, more suave and seductive, rather than downright dirty. Back against the pole, he slid up slowly as he jutted out his chin, staring at you through blond lashes while sucking suggestively at one of his suckers, hardly minding the crowd as he gave you a show that was basically personal.  

He was addictive, you couldn’t help but think. His outfits, dances, and downright attitude made the other’s shadow in comparison.

 It brought you back to the present. Your feet shuffled against the dirt as you pushed yourself on the swing, breathing out huffs of warm air that meshed with the chilly atmosphere.

 He didn’t make you feel too uncomfortable, either. He did make a request, to tuck in a few strings into his nurse outfit, you remembered it so clearly. He had strutted into your office around the right time, white fishnet stockings and heels blended in nicely with the light aqua blue fabric that left very little to the imagination.

“Jus’ some strings near the neck, Sugar. Might even give ya a sucker if ya behave.” He winked, and you couldn’t help but laugh at how corny it was, earning a smug smile and tinted cheeks. Although a little flirty, he stood perfectly still as you fixed the frayed mess that was near his clavicle, feeling his warmth resonate around you as you couldn’t help but seep it in. You hoped that he wouldn’t say anything about it. How you could feel a thundering, fast-paced heartbeat underneath your fingertips, despite his cocky facade, your face blushing immensely, or how the atmosphere seemed as if it might just break from underneath the metaphorical weight between the two of you.

However, true to his word, he began letting out pieces of information.

“We actually go to the same college.”

 You stopped to stare at him with full surprise.

“What? Really?”

“Well, ya graduated before I did, but I live near the campus. I…kinda saw ya every day. Not as a stalker!” He rushed before you could think of anything.

“-as in, my road to the school kinda passes your road, and I couldn’t help but not look away when ya were…ya know…It’s a very connected town, so I’ve seen ya…around.”

Then it hit you.

“Ah, so you must’ve seen me doing volunteer work?” You murmured, and he nodded.

“Well, yeah. You’re a familiar face. Couldn’t really ignore ya, ‘specially when you’re bein’ so wonderful half the damned time. Ya don’t know me, and I know it might be a lil’ creepy, but I promise ya that I don’t mean to be.” He babbled, face tinting a little more pink, and your ears burned from the forward acknowledged statement.  

So he noticed your volunteer work, and where you lived, and yet you didn’t really see him creeping around the bushes, or any tall figure of his build stalking around, for instance.

“So…is this why you have a sudden interest?” You asked, and you heard him swallow thickly.

“Pretty much. Doesn’t help that you’re kinda allurin’. Like a magnet.” He finished lamely, eyes shifting as he bit his bottom lip, and you couldn’t believe the shy signals that he was giving off as your own cheeks burned.

“Ah. Um…yeah.” You couldn’t help but say, and he snorted. You jutted your chin up and was about to give him a piece of your mind.

“We’re both kinda terrible at this. Anyways, that’s what I wanted to tell ya. Been seein’ ya around and makin’ the world a better place, an’ so I couldn’t help but like ya.” He waved off your short-lived glare as your expression softened.

“I don’t understand? You’re shy but not?” You questioned, nipping the small extra thread that you’ve already tucked in.

He shrugged.

“Emotions are emotions. Ya do things to me that I can’t explain, and I make ya into a flustered mess, and vice versa. I was at first too fuckin’ scared to really say or do anything, because the last thing I wanna be, is to be a creepy stalker in yer eyes.”

“I think I understand. As I don’t believe that you are a stalker…um…how do you? How did you-”

“Body language is a dead giveaway. Studyin’ to be a therapist. Plus, it’s relievin’ to get another validation that ya don’t find me creepy. ‘Specially after hearin’ my story.” He grinned, and your shoulders relaxed as you finished up your work.

“Ah, all done?” He pouted, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“You have another appointments, as well as my number.” You reasoned, and his eyes lit up.

“So, I could call ya?” He asked hopefully, and you found yourself nodding before you could comprehend what he said.

“Awesome. I’ll see ya around, Chickadee.” He hummed, digging into his wallet as he paid you upfront, letting his hand brush against yours, and yet you didn’t mind. All too fleeting, he sauntered away, but not before giving you a final look.

“The ball is in yer hands, in whichever ya want this to be. Although, I gotta up my game, if I wanna keep the competition at bay.” He winked, and then turned to leave the room. The wheels in your head had seemed to stop, before whirling again with realization.

So, he was aware of it all? The flirting and unwanted attention that you were gaining? As if he had to compete against anybody, you couldn’t help but think.

He wasn’t like the other “suitors” who were more aggressive and rude, you couldn’t help but think, your chest fluttering at the idea of him being your partner.

It’s been three days after that. You did shoot him a text, and almost immediately, he responded. He was forward with his interest, and you were still in a bit of confusion, why he, still a stranger, had decided to pursue you so quickly. You couldn’t help but think that the stars must have aligned in the both of your favor, or that it must have been fate, for you couldn’t help but start to like him, as well.

His forward approach, his respectful nature, the duality of his emotions, on how he could be so forward, and yet somehow kind of shy, he hunted at a distance, not too close or disrupting your boundaries, while never failing to look for you, or put on a show.

An excited voice rambled you out of your thoughts, a very, familiar excited voice, and your attention snapped towards the direction at the upcoming person, or people.

……………………………….

He sucked. He was a sucker, and he let his emotions get the best of him. Why did he have to spill out everything? Now she knew that he was an eager fool, and he didn’t mention the most important part; his two boys. Although not biologically his, blood didn’t matter, they were his sons.  

Of course, while in his interest in pursuing, he was so caught up with classes, dancing, and raising his kids, a lot of things had passed his mind. He remembered laying in the darkness of his bedroom, staring up at the ceiling as his heart clenched.

What if she was only attracted to his dancing? The two of them had never made plans to meet outside of work, and if they did, would she be turned off by his more shy attitude? His more softer, meeker side? Unwanted thoughts swirled within his head.

He was making a mistake, he was putting too much time into a woman who he barely knew, and if she did like him, would she like his boys? They would always be his first and top priority, he could never lower their needs before a potential future partner.

Growling, he picked up his phone, searching for her contact. He began typing, and re-typing as he made sure that the sentence sounded perfect.

Me: I know it’s late, but do ya wanna go to the park, tomorrow around 9 am?

He bit his lip and pressed send. It’ll just be a hang out, he told himself. He’ll bring his sons, and if she reacted negatively, he would stop cold. Maybe move to another club. It was his fault for not mentioning that he had kids, and he didn’t blame her for not wanting to deal with him for not telling her in the first place. She was an adult, she could make her own decisions, and children might not be her priority, and he could respect that. The fated ding of his phone pulled him out of his thoughts.

Chickadee: Sure. It’s supposed to be chilly, tomorrow, so wear something warm.

His cheeks felt like fire as his heart warmed up from the thoughtfulness. A chuckle escaped his throat. Even while texting, she still used proper grammar, and he couldn’t help but find that adorable. He kind of hoped that she wouldn’t be upset that he had kids, and he wouldn’t force her into anything that she didn’t want, if he did break it to her that he wanted to see her as a partner.

He was a dumb mess, he told himself. However, he wouldn’t mind to have her as a good friend, if anything else. He couldn’t help but like her, and she had a blunt, straight to the point attitude mixed in with that sweetness.

……………….

    “-lunch lady?!” A voice gasped in shock, the three familiar figures caught your full attention. Time stood still as you recognized the two small boys instantly, and behind them, stood none other than Taishiro. Surprise had hit you, but you couldn’t help but feel joy as little arms wrapped around your leg as you stopped the swing, seeing Eijirou glanced up at you with a toothy smile and bright eyes.

You couldn’t help but smile, pinching his cheeks a little as he giggled.  

“Hey, um, small world?” Taishiro asked, breaking you out of your trance.

“I volunteered at the orphanage a while back. That’s amazing, I’m so glad to you two, again.” You explained, looking at the boys.

“It’s good to see you, as well.” Tamaki said softly, and you smiled at the slightly older boy who gripped Taishiro’s jacket.  

“Oh, that’s pretty neat. Ya were in dietary?” He asked, sitting down on the swing next to you, Tamaki following closely. You looked down a bit shyly.

“Um, yeah. They were kind of short staffed, that year, and I was a pretty familiar face, so they asked, and I said yes.” You rambled, and he chuckled.

“You’re right about the pretty part.” He winked, and you huffed out a surprised laugh.

“Do you ever not flirt?” You inquired, and he grinned.

“I don’t flirt as much as ya think. Anyways, I wanted to know, if ya like to hang out with us, for the day?” He murmured softly at the end, and you felt yourself smile a little.

“I’d like to. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the boys. Although I missed the children, I couldn’t really stay, had college to go through, you know? It’s good that they’ve been adopted.” You rambled, watching Tamaki push Eijirou gently on the swing next to yours, the shyest of smiles graced the raven-hair’s features as the two were basically in their own little world.

“When I first came to this town, I didn’t really have anybody. So I took some time to think it over, and decided to adopt. They’ve been the light of my life for three years, now. Can’t imagine bein’ without ‘em.” He said softly, and you felt a burst of warmth envelop you.

“It’s good that they have a good dad. Do they know of your-?” You let the sentence hang, and he shook his head.

“Later. I doubt that they’ll judge, but I don’t want ‘em to know, just yet.”

It surprised you on how easy it was to make small talk, each of you opening up a little bit more. You fixed Tamaki’s coat, brushing the hair out of his eyes slightly when Taishiro had offered the group to get hot chocolate from the coffee shop that was near, chuckling as Eijirou’s eyes widened with pure glee.

Tamaki gripped your hand, Eijirou gripped Taishiro’s, and Taishiro held your free hand as the four of you crossed the street, and you couldn’t help but feel warmth at the domesticated atmosphere within your little group.

You wouldn’t mind if these sudden feelings stayed a little while longer.

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 28-29, 2019 // the bonny scot

posting this a day later than normal because this is one of the rare episodes that shows a passage of time from one day to the next yayy love that for them

-wonder what filming these beginning sexy scenes is like for them in real life

-sooooo can lucy see nancys sexy dream? is she judging? does this mean she likes nancy with owen or nick more? or is she trying to tell nancy that her sex dreams are irrelevant to the mystery at hand and she needs to focus?

-seeing people in the ✨prison chair✨: gomber, carson, karen (voting for josh s3 just saying)

-completely ignores carson's question about herself typical nance

-"or maybe i did stumble across a knife" its like hes trying to make the case against him look plausible while attempting to maintain innocence. this is a slippery slope for carson to try and encourage her to keep her pacified + hide the truth while also trying to keep her from getting involved bc hudsons

-"genetics gets you in the door" aaaaand then she walks in to everetts office to meet him and crashes their family dinner

-ok who tf is dawn and why is she in charge here

-this guidance counselor of nicks is my favorite person

-"i admire your allergy to pleasantries" bess and nancy both have reveals to big families but nancy does not have the graceful, accepting reveal to her rich family like bess does at this lunch. nancys reveal is messy, cold, bloodstained and sticky-fingered, not nice in any way whatsoever. and this little chat with everett (bit of a parallel to lucy's) just highlights how nancy is always bad at bargaining with her grandparents*- always trying to fight on their level but giving up her equal hand bc she doesnt know how to hide it when they bring up something she doesnt know. like confronting celia at the masque: she was so confident with her theory and what she knew, but then we got a "what does that mean?" like. the instant you say that, you lose. and she walked right into the "yes i do have someone, hes in jail" 🤦🏼‍♀️ even in the car with ryan at the end of s1, he literally just fucking leaves her there. like 🤷🏼‍♀️ what did u think was gonna happen sis?? for all she can predict how past things lead to present circumstances shes fucking awful at seeing the direct future *(grandparents except for patrice bc her dementia makes her inaccessable)

-lmaooooo this awko ass portrait...i get the empty space is for nance but who on earth thought this was a good pic??

-LISBETH 🥺💙

-"will u help the claw for me?" george struggles financially to keep her livelihood while nancy is somehow shown as being taken care of even when her parent is incarcerated; both nancy and george live in single parent homes now with mention of both medical debt and george being breadwinner yet nancy has no struggles while george does. (i wonder if ryan had been able to help george here how the story would have changed)

-"when it comes to following people around without their knowledge or consent i am somewhat of a repeat offender" 😂😂😂

-"he wasnt endgame after all" BESS lmaoooo

-"...okay." lmaoooo i fuckin love owen

-i was hoping the girls' faces would be more shocked like with a glance to owen but they just....werent

-"we're the good guys" <---- this statement is soooo interesting in terms of how they structure the show and how the characters see themselves (its an interesting contrast with the more definitive good vs evil with things that are both clearly good and clearly evil but theres also a lot of moral grey area here, the show is kinda swamped in it. are nancy and crew the good guys? are they the bad guys in someone else's story? concerns.)

-"i'd call it more than just stuff" like why did u concede that??? and then the shit about oof that didnt sound like a compliment lmaoooooo why does she suck at arguing?? she and owen wouldnt work long term bc theyre so similar (as mentioned later on)

-i LOVE george slowly falling in love with nick here- hence how upset she gets when nick bails on her for nancy later (which is totally justified!!!)

-i am LIVING for the little nod this driver guy gives bess when she turns back around all nervous 😂

-"i do like buying things" i would so say that too tbh

-"you'd have plenty to talk about" LMFAOOOOOOO SHE KNOWS "marvins dont marry drivers" so diana is totally fine with the gay its just the poor she has a problem with 😂💙fuckin love that

-love how nancy just casually ruins everything for nick/george lmaooo

-"i have seen you at your best, nancy, and there is nothing like it." 🥴😳 i love this still-in-love look nancy gives him thats so strong he had to change the subject

-so is haunting time 11 pm? from that clock of bashiir's?

-how do NO neighbors notice this fucking water and shit

-these are TOTALLY AWFUL fake screams from the bonny scot crew 😭

-"i know well enough not to get involved when he's in play" both carson and ryan avoid engaging with everett even though nancy is willing to do so armed with less info and more balls/ but "could i trust him" and ryan says yes lmaooooo NO honey + that makes ryan 0/2 for helping the girls when they ask this ep

-"find a project of your own" and he does, with his youth center 🙏🏻💙 what s2 foreshadowing!

-"god i wish i still drank" 😂😂😂

-"she is darling." 💙👌🏻

-okay wtf is mirror bay??

-i really wonder about the extent of celia x sebastians relationship here. did she truly care about him or was it just secret and exciting sex? also would love more hints of diana vs celia moments like these. celia doesnt even look upset. i mean shes had time to deal but like wtf. and who exactly is sebastian to diana? not her husband? like damn what if he was. somehow i doubt she'd talk about him diddling celia if diana was disrespected also

-i wonder if celia being so invested in dna testing nancy was bc everrett dna tested ryan to make sure he was his bc of sebastian / other men (which would be totally valid on his part!! but wouldnt it be funny as fuck if ryan wasnt his 😂)

-what a neat hiding place in this frame lmaooo who put that in for them tho? like how do u go about ordering that

-"you certainly are your fathers daughter" this quote is doubly ironic and foreshadowy bc theyre referencing carson here as being a useful hudson attaché but nancy is playing everett just like ryan played celia about putting his house up (but TRIPLY ironic bc carson pulls off the long con of hiding nancy from the hudsons right under their noses this whole time!) the one time nancy is successful against them

-that bess/lisbeth look while lisbeth does something badass (+diana reassessing now that lisbeth has been revealed to be useful)

-"almost as fun as a real fight" why do i believe him? lmaoooo a bit weird that he would enjoy a fight w a partner, but i also think this is an acknowledgement of nancy being an "opponent" who exists at his level. but i also love the "let me take you out" as a direct mirror of her relationship with nick, where she avoids the public acknowledgment/"going out" but prefers the more subtle/hidden arrangements of staying in. but as shown with later eps, owen is way more capable of meeting nancy where shes at, which is so important to her + the only way of getting close to nancy. (the only foil is ace who somehow is able to do both)

-"not always about a guy" <---- this could have been such a powerful statement if the show had thought having nancy end up alone/choose herself instead of pitting her between love interests (nick, owen, gil, even potentially ace, in only 2 seasons) was a more worthy stance to take ; as an aro/ace person i cant tell you how much i would kill to see just one female protag choose herself over a man. and its more realistic to end up alone than have a happy ending anyway, for all that these shows try to be as "real" and gritty grimdark as possible

-"is that what you want?" this is an interesting question to his mother- like maybe he senses her unhappiness? combined with his issues with his father- still trying to look out for his mom? either way it's sweet. (it could also potentially work as foreshadowing of something happening to her, but i think that was played with but then diverted when it was revealed who really killed her) "i think its time i steer this ship" still kind of patriarchal tho. i get that its him coming into his own as a dad technically but still. i also like how he calls her "mother" and not mom

-love that old white people thumbs up at george asking about his clams 👍🏻

-okay fuck dawn tho lmfaoooo

-"stressful dinner huh?" 😂 i fucking love lisbeth so much why didnt they bring her back (wouldnt it be Fucking Hilarious if they brought lisbeth back to bounce bess on her expired visa since the marvins kicked her out and didnt fix it lmaoooooo)

-BESS IS A TOP lmaooooooo i fuckin knew it

-nick says "you can pay me back" wonder if thats gonna come back in s3 considering their "marital problems" (also, those bonds are sosus lmfaoooo if any single person cashing those was looked at sideways they'd confess in 2 seconds that some random guy is handing out bearer bonds they dont even make anymore with absolutely zero proof as to how he got them)

-"you wanna finish what you started?" 👀 (dont mind if i do)

-"i need my dad back" parallels s2 when she asks him to come home

-parent politics: "you are taking your life in your hands / no, i'm putting it in yours" vs "i know well enough not to get involved when hes in play" both carson and ryan try to dissuade nancy from pursuing her pulling this con on everett but go about it different ways: carson is wildly concerned with nancys physical wellbeing but ryan appears to be leaning more towards weighing the odds for her/ like a "you cant win so cut your losses/dont try" scenario which interestingly might have more weight with nancy; its easy for her to brush aside carson's worrying like second nature but nancy has been established to be a determined winner, and ryan speaks to her here like shes a beginners luck prodigy at a blackjack table by encouraging her to keep her record clean by not dealing in this next round. of course she herself admits shes incapable of not dealing in ie "you know me better than that" but i have lots more thoughts on how effective ryans approaches to nancy can be sometimes (saving for the reveal ep 🙏🏻)

-wonder what all carson knows about the hudsons? + that look on his face when he hangs up... wonder if he was just lying to her about knowing anything or just ashamed at having to admit bad things hes done for them

-love nick & bashiir waiting together 🙏🏻💙+ nicks very strong and pointed "good night" as a means of ending his convo w nancy on his terms (gotta reinforce those boundaries man!)

and lastly

-celia + that gossip girl moment when she just throws the whole phone away 😂(wonder if she was just talking to "gus" or whoever that guy was. keep forgetting the bobbseys' dad is in prison too, wonder if he'll feature in s3)

[matsumi101]

For the promts, maybe 367 with Maria Reynolds, modern au?

367. “I didn’t think love existed until I started loving you”

Notes:

> Reader x Maria Reynolds Modern AU

> Anon i love u for this do u know how giddy i am when i wrote the last part hnngh

> Fem!Reader I hope u guys don’t mind some (not so) wholesome lesbeans

> WIFI ANG GOOGLE DOCS HAS BEEN AN ASS IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIX THE ONESHOT BC IT KEPT GETTING PASTED OUT OF ORDER HNNGH

Type: fluff

Warnings: domestic abuse mention, implied sex

-------------------

“Your Honor, the members of the jury find the defendant... guilty.”

You gave a low whistle while the Judge gave the final words, putting up a hand to return your co-counsel’s high-five without even having to look at him. Your smug grin never left your face even after the court was adjourned, only breaking into a more hyper celebration once you were out of the building.

“Fuck yeah, we deserve to celebrate!”

You laughed in agreement. “I couldn’t have pulled this off without you, Alex,” you sighed. Alexander simpered, taking the compliment very well. “Well, what can I say? I’m always up for the challenging ones.” He shrugged his shoulders, pride oozing out of his presence. You couldn’t blame him, though. You were an excellent public attorney par with even Alexander Hamilton himself, but this case had you on your toes for months, even with Alexander’s help, and the outcome was well worth the sleepless nights you shared with your friend.

The topic returned to the celebration. “We should invite everyone to me and Eliza’s place and throw a party because damn we deserve it,” Alexander suggested. You hummed thoughtfully at his offer for a bit before responding. “I’d love that, but can we move that a little later? I wanna celebrate alone with Maria, first,” you pointed out. Alexander pulled an all too knowing smirk, to which you rolled your eyes at.

“I haven’t given her much attention ever since this case came, and I’m sure Eliza’s in the same situation. Our own partners deserve to be pampered after all of this, don’t you think?”

“My Eliza’s fine-”

“Hamilton.”

You crossed your arms and raised a brow at your friend. “Let Eliza share the victory with you, I’m sure she’d be thrilled to listen about how your hard work paid off,” you reasoned out. “And besides, it’s the closest I’ll get to apologizing for stealing you away from her for months.” Alexander laughed at that, getting your point. He pulled out his phone, most likely to share the great news to his fiancé.

“Let’s have the big celebration next weekend, yeah?”

You could tell from the eagerness in his voice that he was excited to come home and spend time with Eliza. “Perfect,” you agreed. You were about to bid farewell, but Alexander was already in call with Eliza and chatting away with unprecedented joy. You chuckled at him and went to your car, dialing a number while you started the engine. It rang a few times before it was picked up.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Washington! Is Maria Reynolds still at work?”

“Oh, Miss Y/N! It’s always a pleasure to talk to you.”

You smiled at this. Martha had always been a caring boss, which is why you recommended Maria to her business when she was looking for a new job. You placed your phone on the holder at the dashboard and set it to speaker while you pulled out of the parking lot. “Maria’s still here, why’d you ask?” Martha asked sweetly. Your smile grew into a more excited one, your plans already playing out in your mind.

“Well you see, I plan to surprise her tonight with her favorite food because I won what probably is my biggest case to date.” Martha gasped and gave you a quick congratulations. “But I still have to buy the things I need. Can you stall her for me? I just need an extra two hours.”

There was a thoughtful pause at the other end of the line. You took your eyes off the road for a split second to check if the call was still ongoing, which it was. “Dear, as romantic as your plan sounds, I don’t think Maria would like being cooped up here for so long,” Martha sighed. “She’s been stressed for the past months, and I don’t think she’s taking your disappearance so well lately, to top off the work she needs to finish today...” Your heart sank at the information. Yes, you were more than aware that you’d been neglecting Maria over the case, more than you’d like, and even if she was understanding enough that you needed to prioritize your slowly rising career, you knew there were unavoidable insecurities that followed her wake.

“I’m going to make it up to her,” you replied, voice steady. “I’m going to smother her with attention for the weeks to come ‘til she gets sick of me.”

Martha laughed heartily at your determination. “So please, can you help me out and give me two hours? I promise It’ll all be worth it,” you pleaded. It didn’t take as long for Martha to answer. “Okay, but I want to see Maria coming to work next Tuesday with an honest smile. I miss seeing her so positive.” You beamed gratefully, even though she couldn’t see it. “You’re giving her a long weekend off?” you asked almost too happily.

“Aside from letting her spend time with her favorite woman, I’m sure she deserves the rest for working so hard the past months.”

“Oh Martha, thank you so much! I owe you a lot.”

Any semblance of formalities melted away. “Oh dear, you know I’m a sucker for romantic gestures! I’ll make sure she tells me everything about your night when she gets back to work,” she teased. You giggled, excitement crawling up your body by the minute. You ended the call and finished your groceries as fast as you could, and by the time you got back to your shared apartment the sun was just starting to set. Perfect, you thought. You had more time than anticipated, but you were sure to utilize every second and got to work.

After a dragging day at work, Maria finally found her way back home. She was stuck in the office for a good two hours past her supposed time out due to Martha’s unexpected request to finish some extra paperwork. She would’ve declined it, but the offer of getting a paid day off in return was too good to miss out that even an extra hour long traffic didn’t stop her. She was far too exhausted, both mental and physical, to think of anything else but to crash into the soft sheets of her bed despite her empty stomach begging to be filled up. When she got to her apartment’s door, however, she couldn’t help but stop and look at it.

She didn’t know that today was the day you’d bring the case to the court one last time for a verdict, so all she expected was to come home to an empty apartment, and despite everything still in the same place it felt more barren the past few months. And yet, as she unlocked the door and flicked the lights on, she was greeted with not only a noticeably cleaner living room but also a delectable smell wafting through her nose. It caused her stomach to growl again, and with the new smell filling the place she dropped her bag and headed to the kitchen.

“You’re home!”

Maria’s eyes popped out at the sight. There you were in your sweatpants and loose shirt, sitting across the table with your hand resting atop your intertwined fingers. A large grin splayed across your face, which grew even wider at the sight of her. The table was set up with two plates, a bottle of wine and whiskey (a strange combo, Maria thought), about three dishes, and a bowl of soup accompanied by a smaller bowl of croutons. The food before her was definitely made presentable, and if Maria wasn’t too occupied gawking (and maybe drooling a little) she would’ve pointed out how your outfit didn’t even match up to the setting.

“We won the case,” you told her, your voice laced with softness and excitement.

Maria had to compose herself just enough to answer. “Really?” she squeaked out. She was happy beyond words, both for your success and you finally being there to greet her home for once and having done this seemingly large dinner after months of surviving on leftovers in the fridge and take-outs. You nodded, watching her expression with a smile, but it quickly dropped when you saw her starting to cry. Alarmed, you got off your seat and pulled her to a tight embrace, to which she eagerly returned, taking in the faint scent of the soap you used for your bath. You planted a long kiss on the crown of her head, and the gesture only seemed to make her cry more.

“Hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

And there she poured everything out. She missed coming home to your arms every night, but ever since the case you were always either gone in the office at work or holed up in the one at home. The thought made her disappointed, and maybe with a twinge of anger and paranoia, but she had to hold it back. She knew how much work meant to you, and she admired how passionate you were for it. She tried her best not to think too much of it, but the fear of you growing cold towards her scared her to no end, admitting that the effects of her past relationship with James was still affecting her.

You didn’t speak the whole time and let Maria vent it out until she reduced into quiet sobs. You kissed her forehead before pulling away from the hug so you could meet her eye to eye. “I know I’ve been so busy, which is why I’m going to make up for it,” you whispered soothingly. You cupped her face and gently wiped the tears away with your thumbs, and you could see a smile slowly grace her lips that made your heart melt. You then peppered her with short, sweet kisses all over her face, which made her giggle and squirm.

“I missed you so much, Y/N.”

“I missed you too, but I’m not going to let you have dinner with such an uncomfortable outfit.”

Maria followed your eyes to her office attire. “I drew you a hot bath just a few minutes ago, with lots of lavender from our mini garden,” you told her softly, pulling her by the waist and kissing her cheek. Gosh, you missed her so much. Maria sighed as you nuzzled your face on the crook of her neck, already imagining the beautiful smell of the bathroom awaiting her. Unfortunately, she had to pull away from the hug so she could actually get there.

After Maria took her time in a relaxing bath and changed to her own comfortable clothes, you two spent the night together, savoring the full course dinner you made with both of your favorite foods and hers, then surprising her with strawberry mousse, her favorite, for dessert. After that, and an empty bottle of wine, you two went to the couch to cuddle and watch a movie together. Though the film on the television was soon forgotten when you kept on showering Maria with kisses and compliments. Even if she asked you to stop since she genuinely wanted to watch the movie, you only replied to her with,

“Nah, I’m going to spoil you the whole weekend, and for the following weeks to come.”

And you did just that. Your attention was all on Maria day and night, and her heart could never feel so full at the sight of you. You took care of her and she took care of you, too. Of course you respected her boundaries and remained gentle with how you held her, but she knew that with you she was safe. Her initial fears of abandonment were soon thrown out the window. Maria trusted you more than ever, and you made sure to show her that she would never regret that choice.

Maria sighed wistfully, stroking your hair as she stared at the wall. The heavy drapes were drawn shut, preventing the moonlight from entering the dark bedroom. You were nestled on her bare chest, sleeping soundly while you had your arms wrapped protectively around her waist. A smile adorned your lips, and Maria took notice of it when she looked down at you.

You were at peace, contrast to the tired and frustrated expression you constantly seemed to wear while you were working the past months. Your breaths were slow and relaxed, making Maria hold a smile of her own as she studied your features. She brought a hand to your face, and you subconsciously leaned against her touch. She caressed your cheek with a thumb, her gaze trailing over to the bags under your eyes. Without your makeup, it looked much worse, but Maria didn’t care. She loved everything about you, even those eyebags that carried all the success you worked for, and she never felt luckier for having such a caring and passionate girlfriend as you.

“Oh Y/N,” Maria sighed for the nth time that night. “I didn’t think love existed until I started loving you.”

You barely stifled your amused chuckle, making Maria jump slightly at the vibration. “I’m glad to be the one to make you realize that,” you murmured, opening your eyes and ignoring the noise of surprise that she made when you let it be known that you were still awake. You shifted so that you could fully look at Maria. It was dark, but you could still make out her wide eyes that slowly softened. Her hand was still pressed to your face, so you put your own on top of it and moved to gently kiss her palm.

“And you deserve every bit of love, sweetheart.”

The way you said it so sincerely just made Maria absolutely melt, even more so when you pulled up to give her a long, tender kiss. Her hands wandered you, fingers trailing the marks she left on your skin before a hand made its way to your bare back while the other tangled on your already messy hair. When you backed away to breathe, you gave Maria one last peck on the lips before lying on her side and pulling her close.

“You know babe, seeing you like this makes me want to look forward to more of your difficult cases.” Maria laughed when you tiredly groaned in annoyance.

“No. If the next one is anything like the last I’m shoving it to either Alexander or Jefferson. I missed you too much.”

[percilout]

Why I think Jaskier is queer-coded and also bi/pan: An Essay

Earlier today I made a post [x] asking for opinions on Jaskier being queer-coded and now I’m presenting you my 1.5k word long essay on why I think that’s the case and why I also think that Jaskier is bi/pan (even though the character most definitely wasn’t planned that way).

I used lots of gifsets and Tumblr posts as inspiration and sources and humbly thank everyone who has made my life much easier with those.

Okay, so, let me start this off by saying that the showrunners don‘t and most probably won‘t want to make Jaskier queer in any way. But there‘s a bit of a problem there because there‘s a good chance that the actor (Joey Batey) is going to go against that with his personal choices in acting the character out.

It doesn‘t help that there‘s an interview in which he actively goes against calling Jaskier a womaniser and says that he is just „falling in love with everyone“ as soon as he sees „them“, he spots „someone“ and is obsessed with „whoever“ is in front of him. You can see it in this post (https://heydrichmuller.tumblr.com/post/189946596054/my-brother-played-the-pronoun-game-wound-up) in which what the actor does is called „playing the pronoun game“. That‘s what lots of queer people do when talking about their love life/sexuality/partners/etc. I say it doesn‘t help because it actively paints the character he‘s playing as bi/pan, especially with the „he just loves everyone“ comment.

 Then there‘s another thing, now something that we can see in the show - movement.

Queer-coding hugely depends on clichés, I know that, but that doesn‘t mean that those clichés aren‘t true sometimes. So when I look at Jaskier‘s movements and he‘s moving his hands a certain way, cocking his hips and holding his hands there, cocking his head, I can‘t help seeing a queer person there. (https://gayregis.tumblr.com/post/189807338329/its-all-about-the-hand-gestures-joey-batey-as)

 That also brings me to the next point:

He‘s a Drama Queen. He gasps! And argues! And cannot believe the way he’s treated! He deserves better!

Now, one could say that He‘s a bard! That‘s what he does! It‘s to entertain people! But. Jaskier doesn‘t entertain people when he‘s being a drama queen. Instead, he‘s greatly annoying them with it and, at the most, only entertaining himself. This is mostly visible in the „You need a nap!“ scene, which also shows his exaggerated movements pretty well. (https://captainpoe.tumblr.com/post/189836119464/the-witcher-1x05-bottled-appetites)

 Then there are some other scenes that (to any queer person, I‘d say) just scream „this can‘t be straight, can it?“, simply bc it‘d be So Fucking Weird if it‘s actually meant to be straight...

One of those is the bathtub scene. Like, what, it‘s normal to rub your friend-not-friend‘s „lovely bottom“ with camomile? In what world??? And there‘s no reason Jaskier needs to do any of that, Geralt could have just bathed himself. (https://mrcavill.tumblr.com/post/189812738178)

From that we can go on to another part of the bathtub scene: „And yet, here we are“ (https://catness-tchalla.tumblr.com/post/his-189817475480), implying that Jaskier wants/needs Geralt.

 Jaskier‘s basically running after a fruitless friendship for over 10 years. He‘s showing real perseverance in befriending someone, while also employing excuses to do so (using the fact of being a bard and /having/ to sing about him/sharing his legacy as an excuse to stick close to him for so long). And he does try to have a kind of intimacy with a man who‘s generally seen as someone who‘s intimidating and driving everyone away. (https://thewitchersdaily.tumblr.com/post/189937577863/no-lord-in-his-right-mind-will-come-close-if)

Still, Jaskier‘s desperate to have his company and wants to continue travelling together to prove that he can be a good partner. (https://meldvnsk.tumblr.com/post/189961512351/me-when-i-see-how-desperately-jaskier-want-to-be)

 I do also want to make a point about Jaskier‘s outfits, although most of it can really be condensed into Well, He Is A Bard, So.

But I just want to state that there is no reason for him to still dress so extravagantly when he‘s just walking through the woods for days and weeks with Geralt. At first he has no other choice but, with the years, surely he can learn to have something more.... practical.... in his bag with him? But no, he chooses to keep his style and always look out of place. And, well, queer people are kinda known for the special care they take of their clothing (https://meldvnsk.tumblr.com/post/189960250906/jaskiers-outfits)

 Then I want to shine some light on the way Jaskier talks about him on their first day of meeting: https://thewitchersdaily.tumblr.com/post/189776322313/same-geralt-of-rivia-and-jaskier-in-the-witcher and https://skywalkrluke.tumblr.com/post/189956240667/the-witcher-2019. He is basically trying to please this, well, Manly Man™, with his (very awkward) compliments, akin to another scene we know - the „sexy goose“ fiasco, in which Jaskier totally fails in Flirting 101. (https://thewitcherdaily.tumblr.com/post/189811062630/the-witcher-1x06-rare-species)

 In episode 6, there‘s a scene that a lot of queer people can identify with (or at least I think so and I actually do). Jaskier is trying to comfort Geralt in a way, but also himself. He suggests leaving together, to „get away for a while“, to run away from all their problems while still sharing each other’s company. And what hits the most is the bard saying that No, he is not thinking about a new song right now, this is just about them, this is just about him trying to figure out what he himself wants. (https://skyvalker.tumblr.com/post/189947455079/the-witcher-2019-s01e06-rare-species)

 And now we come to the point where I can seriously not think anything else but „Oh boy, that guy is love with another man“: Her Sweet Kiss (https://youtu.be/NyZvWBFbIRw).

First off, the song is a reaction to Geralt‘s rejection of him and states how hurt he is by that rejection (https://captnswilson.tumblr.com/post/189886399796/if-life-could-give-me-one-blessing-it-would-be-to).

But I will go into a bit more detail, starting with the changes in the song that happened between the first time we hear it (start of episode 6) and the time we finally hear the finished song at the end of the episode.

 Firstly, „I‘m weak, love“ changed to „I‘m weak, my love“, underlining with the use of the possessive pronoun that whoever is the „I“ sings about their personal loved one.

Secondly, there‘s the line „garroter, jury and judge“.

We know that Geralt is the mentioned garroter (remember Marilka saying Geralt sounds like garroter in the first ep?). Now, what does it say that Jaskier is debating whether to use „gorgeous garroter“ or „lovely garroter“ in the song and then ends up using neither? My take on this is that the finished song focuses more on the pain he experiences than being a hymn on the heroic actions of the handsome Witcher. The idea of a gorgeous garroter has actually become, as Jaskier calls it, „too cerebral“.

 I‘ve talked quite a bit about the song now without having explained what I think it actually means, so let‘s come to that.

Her Sweet Kiss has three sets of personal pronouns - I, you, and she. I believe that those stand for Jaskier, Geralt and Yennefer respectively. Going with this choice of characters, it‘s fairly easy to see what the lyrics want to tell us.

In the first verse, Jaskier is basically just complaining about Yennefer. He paints her as the evil one, the one causing him heartache and pain.

I do not think that this verse, as I have read quite often, is written from Geralt‘s perspective. It doesn‘t make much sense regarding the use of pronouns and the meaning of the verse.

Why would Geralt complain about her and then call her his love? Why would he talk about her (using „she“ and „her“) and then switch to talking to her („Tell me, love“)?

It makes much more sense to say that this is Jaskier talking about „her“ (Yennefer) to his „love“ (Geralt), especially when one thinks about the line „How is that just?“.

 That last line of the verse shows Jaskier criticising Geralt‘s actions. It directly accuses him of being unjust towards Jaskier, something that was previously unheard of because the Witcher always does the thing that does the world justice. But in this case, the bard was left hurt by him without a good reason.

 When it comes to the chorus, there is nothing much to interpret. The lyrics plainly state that Geralt‘s relationship with Yennefer is destroying something. Looking at the context of Geralt and Yennefer „breaking up“, followed by Geralt forcing Jaskier to leave, this must clearly mean the destruction of Geralt‘s and Jaskier‘s friendship.

 The second verse starts with Jaskier warning Geralt of Yennefer, who is depicted as a dangerous current, pulling him closer into her clutches.

The verse then ends with the part we already know from the beginning of the episode.

 „I’m weak my love, and I am wanting

If this is the path I must trudge

I welcome my sentence

Give to you my penance

Garrotter, jury and judge“

 If you think this is Jaskier giving up and leaving Geralt alone after having accompanied him for more than a decade, having finally been judged and sentenced to a life without him by the famous garroter, then yes, we are exactly on the same wavelength there.

  (Of course I don‘t think that that‘s what the producers thought while making it but hey, that‘s exactly where the accidental queer-coding comes in again!

So, anyway, this is exactly why I see Jaskier as bi/pan but of course that‘s only my personal perspective.)

Tagging the people who helped me by making gifsets and sharing their thoughts on Jaskier:

@lola1b @pocketlibrary @heydrichmuller @gayregis @captainpoe @mrcavill @his-catness-tchalla @thewitchersdaily @meldvnsk @skywalkrluke @skyvalker @captnswilson 

[aqvarius]

Masquerade Kiss: Do Bad Girls Like to Self-pleasure? Kazuomi Shido - otona love - chapter 5 summary/translation

this is the cutest, fluffiest chapter that we get before all the steamy stuff begins. sorry it’s coming a bit later than usual, i was super tired and decided to sleep and finish it the next day. basically this entire chapter is just a conversation between you and kazuomi which is both great and terrible for me because my dialogue translations are so boring, but i think the content of this chapter is cute and sweet enough that i hope it’ll satisfy you.

the chapter begins with a quick recap of what just happened at the end of chapter 4 which you can read here, or check out my translations page to read from the start. kazuomi is hugging you from behind and you start to speak, telling him that he’s been so busy lately and you didn’t want him to overdo it, so you didn’t let yourself get “tired out” to your full capacity. 

“you were thinking about such a thing?”

“because... i haven’t been able to contact you recently,” you say. “when i turn on the tv, there’s nothing but news about you. it’s not bad news, but it’s all you.”

“it’s like that whenever there’s a new resort project,” kazu explains. “the mass media follows me.”

“that’s because it’s your specialty,” you say. you thought that he would be tired from being so busy, but that might not be the case. 

kazuomi thinks that as you said, this degree of busyness is nothing new. however, it’s also true that he was tired without realising it. 

“i never thought you’d take a whole day off for my sake like this,” you say. “all the more, i wanted you to relax” 

you: “today, i wanted to restfully spend time doing nothing”

meanwhile, kazuomi had thought you wanted to spend a more concentrated* day together. 

*濃い - i’m not really sure how else to translate this but it’s a word that’s used to mean when something is deeper/darker (in colour), denser/stronger or thicker/richer (as in a more concentrated soup/sauce). i previously used “enriching” but essentially i think kazuomi means a day that’s more busy or packed with activities/events. 

“that’s why you just snuggled up without doing anything, huh”

“hm...? in other words, you did “that” at that time because you were concerned about me?”

“at that time? what are you talking about?” you ask.

“the energy that i use to embrace you runs on a different tank**. don’t worry about me getting tired”

**this is kind of paraphrasing but basically what he is saying is that the physical strength he uses to have sex with you is a separate issue. 

at first you stare at him, mystified, as you turn around. suddenly, you leap out of his arms to a good distance away. 

“what’s wrong?”

(come on kazuomi don’t do this, you know exactly what’s wrong lmao)

you: “wha...!? eh? i-it can’t be...”

kazu says it seems like you were feeling it on your own without him (as in feeling [good], not literally feeling yourself up). 

“that face you have when you’re feeling good... if i can, i’d like the satisfaction of making you make it in my arms”

(lskdf sorry i tried 5 times to phrase this in a way that captures even a little bit of how suave kazuomi is but i just can’t because there are so many parts to that sentence lol)

your face turns red with a vigour that kazuomi has never seen before. 

you: “ah, ummm, that’s....!”

“it’s not like you need to hide it. it’s my responsibility that i couldn’t satisfy you”

“...or so i thought... but it seems like i was mistaken”

 you stutter some more and then say, “that morning, i thought i was going to tire you out again...”

“i mean... did you see it!?” you ask.

kazuomi explains that he was going to call out to you to take a shower with him.

“you just be joking...! i don’t believe it!” you exclaim. “i-in the first place, you shouldn’t...!” 

“considerably agitated, mc is completely flustered.”

“what, is it my fault after all?”

you: “you’re, you... you”

you: “...you do it well...” (😔)

btw i’m only posting these particular screenshots bc it’s hysterical to me how incoherent she is

this is another answer outside of his expectations, and his head tilts. 

you: “...i couldn’t forget your fingers... even after waking up, my body... that is...”

“i see. you wanted me”

you: “...i would have been fine if you weren’t in front of me though”

you: “that is... no matter what, i was horny***...”

***this word also means in agony/anguished but i looked it up and it’s also slang for horny, thanks weblio for helping me yet again lmao

"now that you mention it, i thought you kept looking this way that time,” kazuomi thinks. “it seems as though the thing i was curious about [that caused her to keep looking my way that morning] was my fingers that had pleasured her the night before”

“what’s that about. you should have just told me honestly”

(not sure how to translate the tone when he says “なんだ” here but i hope you get it)

 “if it’s what you desire, can’t i provide you with as much satisfaction you as much as you like?”

“didn’t i just say... i didn’t want you to get tired?” you say. “if i said the word, you would definitely indulge my every selfish whim no matter the situation”

“it’s my pleasure” 

(like the present tense version of “that would be my pleasure”. ugha;slkfjds kazu loves spoiling his mc so much. this is literally the best version of him and we are so blessed to see it)

 kazuomi explains that it’s the only time that you can “melt” since you can't leave any gaps open during your usual work (melt here meaning like be ravished/in [sexual] ecstasy). i’m not sure if he’s referring to the busyness of her job or the fact that she’s always playing a tightly controlled persona, but likely the latter. 

“don’t you think that seeing that face would blow away the fatigue of my work?”

you: “no way... you would never think of such a sentimental thing” 

(lmao girl if only you could see his internal dialogue like we can!!)

“heh, i would never? well, that’s been the case so far”

“but i would say... you’re special?”

he captures you, who had escaped, again and hugs you tightly from behind. 

you: “shido...?”

“do you love**** me that much?”

****he actually says “like” but voltage tends to translate this as love, although it’s not as heavy/deep as 愛してる which is super serious

“how did you get that from this situation?” you reply. 

after wriggling a little in his arms, you quickly become docile. 

you: “...i love you”

kazuomi: “yeah. i know”

same thing with the like/love as above. you also say it in kind of a slightly petulant way. 

ALSO i’m here to interrupt because can you BELIEVE shido “worried about this for days and gave his friends all the sordid details and planned the most uncharacteristic day off because he was worried he wasn’t enough for you” kazuomi had the AUDACITY to just han solo you like that????

“i know that you know, but... i love you,” you say. 

“...i see. you wanted me so much that you couldn’t be settled until you took care of yourself”

“but still, you worried about me and didn’t say anything...”

“...i’m glad,” kazuomi says. 

“my love was properly transmitted to you”

(🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 BEST BOY KAZUOMI)

you: “about that... isn’t it obvious?”

“to say that it’s not conveyed that i’m being loved that much, i’m not obtuse” (i think this is what she’s trying to say, basically that she can feel that his love for her is being communicated properly?)

“that’s right. you’re that kind of a woman”

kazuomi thinks that you’re always a step ahead of his thoughts, saying things that show how much you understand him. 

“there’s no way such a woman couldn’t receive my love.”

“could it be that you thought i did ... something like that because i wasn’t satisfied with you?” you ask.

kazuomi replies that that would be the ordinary train of thought, adding that while he’s still on the topic, he thinks there’s still something you’re not satisfied with. 

you tell him you’ve accepted his feelings with all of your might, you’re not dissatisfied... 

“but that wasn’t the case at that time, right?” questions kazuomi. 

you turn in his direction, and he looks down into your face. you cast your eyes down, embarrassed. he tries to catch your gaze and you look down further.

you: “asshole*****...”

*****other options i was playing with were “meanie” or “jerk” but they didn’t have the right feel. imagine her calling him a knobhead tho. 

“i want to make all your wishes come true”

“it’s a foul to not have concern [for your partner]. in that case, i’d have to do the same thing” 

basically he’s saying since you were so concerned about me, i’m going to have to return the favour. look at him, making it out like it’s a game of equals when he’s really just a fool in love...

“the same thing... meaning...” you say. 

“if you won’t get tired, i’ll embrace you as much as you like”

i’m trying to keep the sentences quite concise but he’s basically saying if you’re still not worn out (from the copious amounts of lovemaking) and want more, he’ll have sex with you as many times as you want. in case you didn’t already know, often when you see mcs get flustered bc their love interest talks about “holding/embracing” them, it’s because the same word can be used to mean sleeping/having sex with.

“but... i always want to [make] love [to] you”

..........!

(he’s saying no matter when, he always wants to love you, which in this case means “make love to” but i guess can maybe also be read in the emotional sense? idk we all know kazu is secretly a huge romantic)

finally, you raise your face. kazuomi doesn’t miss the heat flaring in your eyes when you see his expression. 

you: “in that case... i... want you to hold***** me”

*****same situation re: the hold/embrace thing. she’s saying “then have sex with me” lmao.

also lkajsflks i’m crying bc kazuomi will give you anything you ever wished for (and probably delights in being able to provide it), you just have to dare to ask him

“okay”

kazuomi is giving off an aura that he thinks would make you pull back if you were on mission (i think this is what it’s trying to say lol but not 100%), but at times like this, you always get embarrassed and show a shy and troubled face. 

“the one who lights my fire is always “you””

basically he’s talking about the true you, not arisa. alksdfj kazuomi is so in love i can’t BEAR IT

“whether you’re being bold or honest, or even when we’re bargaining******...”

“i’m in trouble because of how fascinated i am by all of it.”

******he’s talking about all the bets and negotiations and challenges and banter between you two. actually there’s a lot more i want to explain here. i chose to use “bold”, but it also refers to when you’re being audacious (like if you’re cheekily talking back to him). honest in this case also means frank/straightforward (about your feelings), but can also imply docility/obedience. essentially the two have very different (almost contrary) vibes. 

--

that’s it for chapter 5! hope you are keeping your teeth brushed to prevent all the cavities this chapter will inevitably give you. i’m floored by how much of a lovestruck fool kazuomi is. maybe it’s just the poor quality of my translations even though i tried somewhat to preserve some tone in cases where i felt it really needed it, but i feel like his internal dialogue here is a lot sweeter and straightforward than his external dialogue? i’m glad they sorted out the misunderstanding though, and how sweet of his mc to be so concerned about his health. i love seeing them be all cheesy for each other but sometimes disguising it as banter because let’s be real, both of them are total love virgins and don’t know how to just straightforwardly talk about the true depth of their affections for each other.

in the next chapter, kazuomi returns the favour, things get reaaaal smutty, and i get a headache from trying to understand sexual euphemisms. please let me know what you thought of this chapter!

i’ve set up a ko-fi page here and would be incredibly grateful if you would like to support me for translations and being able to purchase more routes to recap in english!

click here for chapter 6

[themilky-way]

paris {s.r}

gif credit: sincerelycalum on tumblr

pairing: spencer reid x female! reader

summary: while working on a case in paris, you and spencer realize that there may be more to your friendship than you think. how long until the city of love casts a spell on you? based on this song.

warnings: none i think it’s just fluff  (like everything I write lol)

author’s note:  this long af bc this was supposed to be a series and this would’ve been the second part but the first one i posted didn’t do well lmao. so instead, just enjoy this one shot and maybe i’ll post the first one again if u guys want but idk. also we a lil bold in this fic bc we love confident queens

grabbing your go bag and cell phone from the charging port, you quickly made your way to the jet that was already waiting for departure. the team was ready to make their way to paris, france on a case for a serial killer that migrated from california. it had been difficult for everyone, considering the unsub wasn’t leaving much evidence. 

despite it being for work, you and the team were excited to explore one of the most beautiful cities in the world. if you thought about it, it was kind of like killing two birds with one stone: the opportunity to finally catch a gruesome killer and a vacation. morgan was practically shaking with anticipation as he kept getting up from his seat and bothering garcia every five minutes and then going back. 

“just think about it, baby, all the smokin’ hot people we’re gonna meet. I mean, it’s called the “city of love” for a reason!” derek rambled to penelope as she typed away rapidly on her computer. 

“this isn’t a vacation, sugar, but yes I’m aware of all the potential babes we might encounter. and for that, I prepared another bag,” she giggled as derek started to laugh along with her. he raised his hand to high five her and she lifted hers too, lightly patting it. 

“oh you’re bad bad aren’t you,” he laughed, and they both continued to talk too rapidly for the others to understand. meanwhile, you had grabbed your seat next to emily and right across from you was spencer. you and emily were talking about god knows what, the range going from guessing the types of desserts paris had to perhaps renting a motorcycle for your stay. the banter between the both of you was endless, and you even started watching a french movie to get some pointers on the language. 

between the jokes and wondering remarks, you didn’t really notice that spencer was observing you the whole time. sure, he could play it off as if he were judging both of his coworkers for their lack of knowledge on french culture and linguistics, but he wasn’t really doing that, was he? no, in fact, he was watching you in such depth, the way he’d look at the pages of a book, and taking in every aspect that you had to present. he was, in the most simplest way it can be described as, mesmerized.

the day spencer realized that he looked at you this way shocked him. to be completely honest, it scared the hell out of him. he never pictured you as anything more than a friend, and he always thought you were too relaxed for a job like this. he told himself that he’d leave the matter alone, that their would be no thinking or second-guessing of any kind. but the second he’d lay his eyes on you, it’s like the rules he made up never quite existed. however, the more he looked back on it, there was one question that urged this matter forward: am I gonna find out why?

he shook out of his deep concentration to look up at the voice that was now speaking to him. his eyes focused again and he stared at you confused.

“reid, you okay? you’re spacing out on me, buddy,” you said, head turned slightly from the position you were seated in. you had shifted in your seat to face emily, your left leg bent on the cushion and your right giving you stability on the ground. 

“sorry, I was busy thinking.”

“well, try not to use that big ol’ brain of yours too much yet, we’re gonna need it when we land,” you said, giving him a small wink. he gave you a small smile while a tiny smear of rose-colored blush crept its way onto his cheeks. it was a friendly gesture; everyone on the team did it so you thought, “why the hell not?”

reid opted to read a little bit while on the plane so that he could get in some new interrogating tactics for when they met the unsub. you and emily continued to watch french movies and spot all of the hot actors and actresses you thought would be fake, penny and morgan, well they were on a whole different level of fun. the only ones quiet and doing some work was hotch, jj, and rossi. 

the plane slowly began to descend, butterflies erupting in your stomach from the fall, before the captain announced, “we are now ready to descend and are getting ready for arrival.”

when the captain finished, hotch began, “alright, listen up, team. the location of this case was by chance and we shouldn’t get distracted by anything or anyone. do your job quickly and efficiently as you’ve always had.” he spoke sternly, his shoulders were straight and his face emotionless and heavy with sleep. to any other person, hotch would be a zombie who helped solve murder cases, but to the bau team, he was their leader and they admired him. 

“oh, come on, hotch! if we work extra hard these few days and have enough time by the end of the wee-” you began before getting cut off. 

“yes, we can stay a while and explore the city. the unsub and the evidence altogether looks promising, so hopefully we can wrap it up quick. but don’t stray from your path in the meantime.”

everybody nodded and “yes, sir’d” before standing up and grabbing their luggage from the compartments at the top of their seats. everyone walked out in pairs and headed for the taxi cars that were waiting for them. you took emily, morgan took reid, jj and penelope partnered up, and of of course rossi and hotchner stuck together. at different paces, the team agreed at a nearby hotel closest to the paris police department that had called them. getting your bags in the car, along with the rest of the girls’, you made your way to the hotel to check in and drop your luggage off.

at first glance, it looked like a simple building; a cream color adorning the walls and some very intricate, sophisticated street lamps aligned on the perimeter of the parking entrance. before entering, there was a sort of roundabout you had to pass in order to reach to valet parking, and in the center of the roundabout, was a water fountain. it was simple, yes, but to parisians only. to outsiders, like the bau, it was already quite elegant. the ladies, including you, pitched in a little to pay for the ride and once you got out, there was a young man who offered to take your bags inside. 

“avez-vous besoin d'aide, madame?” the boy said. all of you looked at each other a little confused because even though you thought it might’ve helped, watching french movies for nine hours with emily wasn’t doing it. 

“he’s asking if you need help with these. here,” penny clarified before putting her tiny hello kitty handbag in yours, “let me handle it.”

she walked up to the somewhat tall boy, looked him over once, and said in the thickest french accent there was, “oui je fais mon doux muffin merci beaucoup.” she did a tiny hair flip to her blonde curls and came back to where the rest of you were standing.

“penny, uh, what exactly did you tell that boy?” emily said, stifling down a small giggle.

“nothing, i just said “yes” that I needed help and “thank you very much.”

“no, no, the other part. there must’ve been another part to it. tell us!” jj said, grabbing penelope by the shoulders and shaking them lightly. 

“what other part?”

“the one where you made a boy dressed in victorian era clothing blush like a maniac over some luggage,” you laughed. to this, garcia started to laugh too and then even harder. you and the rest of the girls had puzzled grins on their faces, but the inkling of seeing your friend laugh so hard was reaching your guys’ throats too. 

when she finally caught a breath to speak, she said, “I called him my sweet muffin!” at this, you and the girls broke into heaves of laughter, and couldn’t stop. you and jj had to bend down and place a hand on your stomachs’ to stop them from hurting a little. after a while, there was no words just the intake of small breaths and exhaling them out for control. when the fun comedy was over, you guys followed the boy and his friend inside the hotel lobby. `you took turns registering, and when you were all done, you saw that the rest of the team had beat you to it. they were sitting down in a cushion area near the front desk and were waiting for you guys. 

“okay, now that the rooms are ready, you all can pick a partner to dorm with. it doesn’t really matter, but just choose wisely. I know some people get too crazy when they’re together,” hotch announced, flashing a look at you and garcia before handing out keys. you and emily teamed up per usual, and the rest pairing up in the same order they had been in before. once everyone was ready, you started to make your way up to your rooms while making small chatter with the rest of the gang. emily inserted the key into the lock of the door, and as soon she opened the door, your eyes’ were met with the most delicate and luxurious room you both have ever encountered. 

on either side of the room were two king sized beds with victorian style bed sheets; the design on them were floral, the pastel shades of the roses tracing the outline of the bed beautifully. the ends of the sheets were long, but shabby, which added a nice, elegant, and almost romantic feel to it. 

in the middle of the two beds was a small isle that allowed one person to walk on it at a time. at the end of it, was the entrance to the balcony, which gave view to the famed Eiffel Tower. the small cities, parks, and lakes, that made up the ground portion of the tower were now completely lit up, giving way to an entire new feeling for you. you set your bags on the bed, pushing the cushion down with your hand to feel the softness of it, and made way to the balcony.

“i’ll be right out here, em, if you need me,” you said, waiting for the small “yup” that came from her before proceeding. as soon as your leg crossed the small threshold to the other side, the fresh, cool breeze of the night flooded your senses. you smiled and took in the emotion it gave you, fully crossing over to stand against the railing now. you took in the sights first. the trees that shaped the parks swiveled against the current of the wind, couples of all ages walking hand in hand, admiring how the moon and the stars matched so well to their love. the lights of the tower gleaming brightly and almost seemingly looking at you, as if they asked you, “don’t you realize, (y/n)? don’t you pay attention?” 

paris, and everything it was offering you at that moment, put you through a trance. one where you began to actually speak to the lights, the very same ones that millions of others had fallen in love under. “realize what? I do pay attention, i always have, but what is it I need to notice?”

you kept staring and looking around, if the lights actually were talking to you and this wasn’t a dream, and that you weren’t crazy. you looked around the balcony and walked on it to spy a tiny clue your instincts informed you about. soon enough, you noticed that the balcony was shared by the room next door. you placed your right hand on the rail to kneel down a bit and see if you could figure out who the room belonged to.  

“maybe it’s penny, oh god please be penny. i’m not in the mood to see rossi in scooby-doo underpants...” you whispered fairly. just when you saw a dainty silhouette about to exit the restroom, you turned around to your end of the balcony. 

“(y/n)? are you spying on- (y/n), we’ve been here one hour! our hot, paris boyfriends can wait until we catch the unsub,” emily, whose head was the only part of her body on the outside of the balcony, whispered. “come on, get changed into some comfy clothes. we can take a look at the victimology together.���

standing up, you made one quick glance at the room and the figure was already gone and so was the light. thanks for that, eiffel tower lights, you thought. you crossed to you room again and took a shower before arranging your clothes according to the days of your stay. you put your pajamas on and climbed onto one side of emily’s bed to wait for her to come out of the restroom, since you guys took turns brushing your teeth. 

after about a half and hour of rearranging victimology statements and connecting photos from the crime scene, the both of you were ready to go to sleep. emily turned off her lights and you took one last glance at the view before doing the same. 

and then you heard footsteps on your balcony. 

----------

“you guys think I can woo a french girl tonight?”

“honey, with those shoes? not a chance,” garcia pointed out. morgan made a pout at her response and then acted as if he was offended. the team laughed and then raised their glass in unison and took a sip. the case, overall, went well. you guys managed to catch the unsub in an isolated tunnel and brought him over to the parisian authorities. you and jj had taken the only victim left alive to the station to make one final statement to the news. the rest of bodies were given proper burial and the families were finally given closure. 

because the team had performed beyond excellent, and there were still a few days left before your departure, the team opted on celebrating on a night out. currently, you and your friends were seated around a small circular table inside a local bar, chatting away at whatever came to mind. 

you chose to only drink mineral water, mostly because you knew that you were technically still at work and you didn’t want to risk being drunk in case of an emergency. reid, in a similar manner, chose a glass of soda to toast with. but while doing so, he found himself looking at you in the same way he did on the plane. he hadn’t been able to take in your features that night, but as everyone was so deeply distracted, he began to notice everything. 

he looked over your outfit for tonight, a red, plaid mini skirt with a black turtleneck. the shirt itself was fitted to your body and allowed your angles and curves to be accentuated perfectly. the skirt permitted your legs to be highlighted in a decent, and elegant manner. your hair was loose tonight, and with every breeze that made its way through the bar windows, it caused small strands to caress your face lightly and some to stick to your lip gloss. the heels, oh god, the heels. it drove him crazy; the delicate way in which they clicked when you walked on the concrete, how they would sometimes cause you discomfort and force you to stop and fix it,  how your gentle hand had grasp his shoulder for balance or else you’d fall. 

everything about you tonight was immaculate. no matter how hard he forced himself to look away from you, to stop thinking of you in any other way than a coworker, and to just drink his soda which was becoming less carbonated with every passing second, he just couldn’t. and it was scaring the hell out of him. 

you on the other hand, were still trying to decipher what the tower lights had asked you. what was there to realize? you were here, in paris, the city where millions of people fall in love, to fight a serial killer. the chances of you finding love, especially on a balcony where you had spied on a stranger, were slim. 

by the time you finished your thought process, you noticed that hotch was looking at you with a puzzled expression. 

“everything alright, (y/n)?” he softly asked you. 

“yes, sir, just thinking. is it okay if I head back to my hotel?”

“yes, of course, you might even catch reid on the way there. he left a couple of minutes ago.”

“thank you, sir. good night,” you spoke and got up from your chair, adjusting your skirt as you did so. huh, he left? weird, you thought. you left a tip for the waiter and bid farewell to the rest of your companions before grabbing your coat and clutch and exiting the bar. 

it was rather close to your hotel, so within a few minutes you had reached your dorm and set your things down. sitting down on the edge of the bed, you bent over slightly to unlatch your heels and slip them off your feet. you set them aside and you laid on your back for a few minutes. the only light in your room was the bathroom’s as you didn’t like strong lights shining during the night, so these dimmed ones would do. 

you closed your eyes for a little while and just let the sounds of the city flow through you. you had one opportunity to experience paris, and you weren’t gonna take it for granted. for a while, only your small inhales and exhales of breath were audible, the aura of the room peaceful. 

it wasn’t until you heard footsteps, the very same ones from that other night, on your balcony. your eyes flew open and you pushed your body upward to look back at your window. this is my shot, my chance, you thought. could it be a super old man who was here on vacation? yes. could it rossi, who might’ve gotten the dorm next to yours? maybe. were the possibilities of who the hell was on your balcony in a parisian hotel endless? again, yes. 

but you had to see for yourself, figure out what exactly the universe, paris, was telling you. so you got up from your bed and creeped quietly to the window and slid it up. you crossed the threshold, and even though your light was limited, you were able to make out a tall, thin figure. you inched a little closer, hands crossed over your chest to appear somewhat like a normal human. you wouldn’t have figured it out until he spoke. 

“(y/n)?”

his voice sent shivers down every inch of your body, and no, it wasn’t the cold air of the city, it was him. it was spencer. it caught you by surprise, the feeling his voice gave you, but you tried to play it off. he never made you feel this way, why now? 

“(y/n)? you okay?” he spoke again. this time you lightly shook your head and walked closer to where he was standing so you could lean on the railing now. his body followed yours, and now you were able to make out the perpexled look on his eyes. 

“hi, yeah, I’m good. just didn’t expect to find you here, that’s all,” you spoke quietly, unsure of yourself. he noticed, obviously he noticed, it’s spencer. 

“yeah, same here. I heard footsteps the other night here but I had just taken a shower so I didn’t come out until later.” you glanced up at him when you realized that he was the figure that was in the restroom you’d seen. the one you had spied on and probably would’ve seen naked if emily hadn’t interrupted. a tiny blush made its way onto your cheeks, and you were quite thankful the dark covered the rosy color a little. 

but spencer wasn’t dumb, much less stupid, and if he noticed every little detail about you tonight, he saw how you became around him. and god, he sure did like it. “oh, well that’s good, i guess,” was all you could mutter. so you turned your body now to face the tower, elbows on the railing and hands folded together. he saw the shift in stance and he followed, so now you were both side by side and looking at a view that somehow resembled your emotions for one another. 

“hey spence?”

“yeah?”

“have you ever fallen in love?”

his voice hitched a little and he felt his throat tighten. he let out a small cough to mask the impact of your question, but he found the strength in his voice to retort.

“what makes you ask?”

“no, no reason, i was just curious, ya know. being in paris and all,” you answered. you began to feel intrusive for asking such a personal question, but it had seemed easy for you to do so because of your friendship. you were looking at him as you replied, but then looked back towards the view again. the both of you stood in silence for a couple minutes, your guilt seeping in more at this point. 

“only once. it didn’t end well for the both of us,” he broke the silence. you turned your head to look at him, and you were about to open your mouth to say something when he spoke again. 

“but it happened a long time ago. i don’t think about her anymore.”

you straightened up a little and you continued to face him, prying a little deeper than you should be. “so who do you think about now?”

he glanced at you, his face quickly returning back to the nature displayed in front of him and then looked back to you. a small grin began tugging at his lips, as if he meant to ask, “is this your way of playing with me?”

you gazed up at him and took this sudden swerve of confidence to glance at his lips, and then back up to him, your own smile forming. 

“she’s standing on a balcony with me in paris.” 

[yakocchi]

Be My Princess Social // Yakov Chernenkov, Season 1, Episodes 2&3

The Job of the Exclusive Designer // Prince Yakov’s Dance Partner

1・2/3・

yeahhh boi 2 eps in one post, trying to do the zoomies with progress so i can get to the better parts in terms of being less judged by ikemen elsa sorry for potentially clogging the tag with this stuff. i’ll see if i can do larger chunks as this goes along to prevent that... but i also don’t really want to make these posts too large tho... i’m noticing with the new dash it just extends the post on the dash directly when you click the read more break, which...........huh

on an unrelated note - tbh there’s not that... much “actual” content going on in the other otome mobage i’m playing rn so i’m more inclined to move this along. sorry for those who follow me for other stuff, but we’re at the boring july lull where it’s just swimsuit/beach stuff. zzz maybe in a week or two i can wake up

Image-heavy!! Please credit if you take any of it, thenk u (･ω･*)

blog link of this post here, if you’d rather read this on my blog directly than on dash. otherwise:

Episode 2 // The Job of the Exclusive Designer

➤ as an aside, i’m going to start using italics on dialogue for emphasis more often. takes less brain power than having to restructure the sentence and the like just to utilize emphasis based on word use and/or adding words or phrases........ i’m not a trained editor ok orz i’ll try not to overkill with it tho.... otherwise it’ll be italics overkill with the (internal thoughts italics)

I had received an invitation from Lord Nobel himself to become the exclusive designer of Sanct Sybil― And earlier, I wholeheartedly decided to accept that offer.

However, I know for sure that the Prince is someone I’ve encountered before. (I would’ve never considered that these two were the prince and steward of Sanct Sybil...) The Prince takes a seat on the couch, and Zain presents a few documents to him.

[Zain]: “Here is Miss Kara’s resume, along with her past design sketches.” [Prince Yakov]: “...I shall take a look.” Taking the documents, he sets the design sketches aside on the table. The face and overall mood the Prince wears as he scans the papers are unreadable. (Ahh...I’m so nervous...) I shift my eyes away from the Prince, breathing out a soft sigh. In doing so, my line of sight stops right at the butler standing next to him. (If I’m remembering correctly, I’m pretty sure his name is Yuri.) (Prince Yakov certainly is terrifying, with an intimidating aura to boot – but... This guy’s scary in a whole different way.) With a sidelong glance at Yuri, the smile he’s been wearing this whole time doesn’t even crack in the slightest. Though it was visually the same smile as the one he wore while pinning down that man in the courtyard,  the Yuri before my eyes only has the vibe of a mild-mannered steward today. (Neither of them have said anything out loud regarding that past incident... but, without a doubt, they definitely remember me from that time.)

My body buckled down thinking about it when Prince Yakov then looked up from the papers in his hands. [Prince Yakov]: "I understand that she hails from the offices of the famed Jean Pierre.” [Prince Yakov]: “However... from these documents, it appears that there are no records of previous accolades of any kind – but?” His brows cross slightly as he inquires Lord Nobel about it. With a nod, His Grace turns his gaze to the design sketches on the tabletop.

[Nobel]: “It’s true that given her very brief time under those offices, she has yet to gain any formal accolades for herself.” [Nobel]: “But, you should take a look at these designs. Surely then you can notice her capabilities.” [Prince Yakov]: “...I see.” Paying no heed to the design sketches, the Prince places the resume over the table.

(The work of a designer with no actual accomplishments – it’s something he’d have no interest for, I would think.) (Even though the likes of Lord Nobel and Jean Pierre have especially recommended me... I’m pretty sure I’m going to get rejected.) Feeling uneasy as I look over his expression, the Prince slowly exhales. As if contemplating something, he makes a bit of a troubled face while meeting Lord Nobel’s gaze. [Prince Yakov]: “―If someone like Your Grace is sponsoring her, I suppose that the lack of past achievements will not be a problem.”

[Prince Yakov]: “I shall invite her to be the exclusive designer of Sanct Sybil castle.” (Huh...?) [Nobel]: “I see. Well, when can Kara come to Sanct Sybil?” [Prince Yakov]: “About that... As soon as the formalities have been taken care of, we shall arrange to let her live in the castle at once.” [Prince Yakov]: “―Yuri, proceed with the proper formalities.” [Yuri]: “Understood.” [Yuri]: “With that, Miss Kara, here are the documents detailing the contents of the position.” Yuri, disregarding my surprised state, hands me some papers. (Without looking at even a single one of my designs, he’s decided to accept me as the castle’s designer...) (Is this really okay?)

With my apprehensive thoughts, I...

➢ Question Prince Yakov. ❆  ➢ Question Yuri.

  ➢ Question Prince Yakov. [Kara]: “P-Please wait...!” I call out to the Prince, who looked like he was about to take his leave. [Kara]: “Um... is this really all right?” [Prince Yakov]: “What of it?” [Kara]: "Without even reviewing my designs, you’ve accepted me as the castle’s designer.” Questioning the Prince, his eyebrows slightly knit. [Prince Yakov]: “The appointment of high-level positions has been entrusted to me by the King himself. There is no problem.” [Prince Yakov]: “―This discussion is over for now. Finish looking over those documents as soon as possible.”  ➼

  ➢ Question Yuri. Seeing at the Prince engaged in conversation with Lord Nobel, I look at Yuri next to me. [Kara]: “Um... Yuri. Am I really the right one for the job?” (Even if Jean Pierre and Lord Nobel have recommended me, this still seems like too much for a fresh newcomer...) [Yuri]: “His Highness made his decision, so there is no need to worry.” With a smile etched over his face, he presses the documents towards me once more.  ➼ 

   ➼ [Yuri]: “Thus, please do review these documents.” [Yuri]: “First– On the contract, can you sign here?” [Yuri]: “If His Highness ends up also signing this, your position will become official.” [Kara]: “...Understood.” Dissatisfaction wallowing within me, I receive the papers.

Kara, visibly perplexed about something, proceeds with the contract formalities. Lord Nobel, who watched this state of affairs from a distance, then turns to face Yakov.

[Nobel]: “Kara, make no mistake, will be an essential figure for Sanct Sybil.” [Nobel]: “And then I believe that the day you, Prince Yakov, will become a great power will surely come.” [Prince Yakov]: “...Your Grace, you hold her in high regard.” [Nobel]: “I sense this great enthusiasm and potential within her.” Lord Nobel beams, and speaks as if to emphasize its importance. [Nobel]: “I’m earnestly entrusting her with you, all right?” [Prince Yakov]: “...Duly noted, Your Grace.” The Prince nods at Lord Nobel’s words, his expression unchanging.

➤ ok from this moment forward i’m only labeling him as [Yakov] bc i don’t like how it doesn’t line up with the other names when it’s long. the prince title is still there and all ye

(At long last, I've come...) Stepping out of the arranged car, I stop in my tracks and look up at Sybil Castle. The castle differed from that of Nobel Castle in that I was quite overwhelmed by its solemn appearance― When Yakov’s personal steward, Yuri, greets me with a smile on his face.

[Yuri]: “―Miss Kara, we have been awaiting your arrival. Welcome to Sanct Sybil.” [Kara]: “Thank you for everything so far.” While exchanging fellow greetings, I shiver from the chilly air. Yuri then guides me towards the entrance of the castle. [Yuri]: “Your luggage will be brought in by personnel. Over here, come in.” [Kara]: “Ah-...Thank you.” Nervous, I follow Yuri and head into the castle.

[Yuri]: “The climate of Sanct Sybil and Charles are significantly different from each other. It must have given you quite the shock.” [Kara]: “Yes. ...I’m glad that you told me about it in advance.” On those work documents I had received in Nobel Castle, it included an explanation that informed me of the country’s climate. [Kara]: “But I didn’t think it would be this cold.” [Kara]: “If I hadn’t been told, I would’ve came here without preparing for anything like it.” [Yuri]: “It is because we are expecting snowfall very soon around here.” [Yuri]: “Everyone who comes to this country for the first time always is astonished by the cold, too.” Smiling, he urges me to walk ahead of him. [Yuri]: “So to start off, I shall show you around the castle.” [Yuri]: “We will stop by the studio first and then Our Lady’s room right after.” [Kara]: “...Thank you very much.” [Kara]: “Um, Yuri. As we’re both just employees working under the same castle, I’d like it if you didn’t call me ‘Miss’, but...” Expressing my thoughts, Yuri nods, smiling. [Yuri]: “Understood.” [Yuri]: “Then, Kara, let us head to the studio.” [Kara]: “Okay.” (A studio, huh... I wonder what kind of place it is.) 

[Yuri]: “This here will be your personal studio.” [Yuri]: “You can use anything in here to produce to your heart’s desire.” [Yuri]: “If you ever need more of anything, I can make the proper arrangements for you – So please, tell me when that is the case.” [Kara]: “Y-Yes...” (...You wouldn’t expect anything less from the castle of a royal family; the facilities here are just superb.) Surveying the studio, I sigh in admiration of the room. I had been also shown the more important areas of the castle– and the dignified atmosphere of it all just easily overpowered me entirely. (With this level of equipment prepared, it’ll be even more inappropriate to make anything half-baked.) Feeling the pressure once more, Yuri then grins. [Yuri]: “There’s no need to be so anxious.” [Yuri]: “–I suppose it would have been better if I had handed these to you beforehand.” Yuri pulls out a stack of papers from the studio shelves. [Kara]: “And this is...?” [Yuri]: “These are the documents that you will be taking up from the previous designer.” Accepting the documents, I flip through the pages. (This, is...) On the sheets were essential notes regarding designs used for Prince Yakov in terms of public business, ceremonies and similar matters, along with a compilation of things like patterns that had been used in the past. [Yuri]: “His Highness is not the type to fuss over design details and the like,” [Yuri]: “so it will not be necessary to make any major alterations on the designs we have used so far.” [Yuri]: "Since you just have to follow these references to produce the garments, I do not think it is a difficult task.” (That’s... something that doesn’t require my capability as a designer...) [Kara]: “Um... These documents passed down to me – the previous designer was the one who drew them up, right?” [Yuri]: “Indeed. Because of the replacements we have made nowadays, they have already been forced to resign from this castle, but.” [Kara]: “Uh... Why did that happen?” (If I’m being made to produce solely based on their previous work, the past designer must have been at least recognized for their skill.) (So, given that, why would they be made to retire...?) Thinking how strange that was, I ask Yuri and he gives further explanation. [Yuri]: "It was so they could be replaced with the fresh, new talent that you yourself are included in.” [Yuri]: "Various departments in this castle have undergone massive layoffs.” [Yuri]: "And because of that, several individuals in the castle right now, including yourself, are newly hired.” [Kara]: “Layoffs...” As far as I can see with these old documents, it looks like the previous designer was definitely competent. So, with that– why would they think it was necessary to go out of their way and replace them? (Not only that, but replacing the majority of the castle faculty as well...) Completely stunned by the reality of this place, Yuri clarifies this in an indifferent tone. [Yuri]: ”Those who had been laid off were simply the type of talent the Sybil of today is not looking for.”

[Yuri]: ”...I had been thinking that you were going to learn about such things sooner or later.” He said this to me with that unbreakable smile of his,  and I was at a loss for words.

[Yuri]: “―Kara, this will be your room.” [Yuri]: "As soon as His Highness’s conference concludes, I will be coming back to pick you up. Until then, please feel free to spend your time however you wish.” [Kara]: “Got it.” (For now, I might as well unpack...) When Yuri took his leave, I began to organize my luggage; but with my grim mood, it was considerably hard to make any progress with it. [Kara]: “Make the clothes according to the provided diagrams, huh...” Don’t “design”― In other words I was practically told to be a designer, but not to actually work as a designer for the most part. (Something like that is going to be my real job here in this castle...) The documents that had detailed the job read the same as any other designer position, but the actual work ended up being completely different than from what I had initially pictured. (And to think, both Pierre and Lord Nobel took effort to recommend me for this...)

(Well, if they were truly willing to hire someone with no experience... anyone would’ve sufficed, then.) I hung my head with a sigh, when my hand slips and drops the bag I was holding. [Kara]: “Ah-...” My work tools and design sketches scatter all over the floor. (Jeez... What am I doing...) Gathering up my sketches in a fluster, one of the designs then incidentally catches my eye.

It was a sheet of one of the most particularly memorable designs I had made since I became a part of the Jean Pierre offices.  (This... Pierre scolded me about it, and then I reworked it several times...) [Kara]: “...Takes me back a bit.” (The first time I received praise for my work, I was so happy that I even forwarded the message to my parents too, I recall.) Going through page by page of my saved designs, they were filled with my personal tender thoughts from those times. The shabbier designs too― every single one was a precious treasure to me. (If I make designs by just following those old documents to a T, I’m certain... that the resulting designs wouldn’t make me feel this same way.) (Besides...)

[Jean Pierre]: “From your designs, I feel this power to them.”  [Jean Pierre]: “There are some parts that are rough around the edges, but there’s this energy, one that can completely transform people, hidden within!” [Jean Pierre]: “Lord Nobel definitely sensed that too, I bet.”    [Jean Pierre]: “Please believe in yourself.” [Jean Pierre]: “I, as well as His Grace, would never recommend someone who we’d feel couldn’t do the job.” [Jean Pierre]: “I believe in your potential, ma petite.”

(That’s right – I’ve... been recommended by the likes of Jean Pierre and Lord Nobel.) (I want to do work – work that can actually be called that of a designer!) Determined, I hastily round up the design sketches.

[Yuri]: “ ―Pardon me.” [Yuri]: “I have brought the designer, Kara.” At Yuri’s cue, I come into the office and see Prince Yakov surrounded by a great mass of documents. One after another, he scans through each page before giving it his signature – and while in surprise at his current state, I bow my head.

[Kara]: “Starting today, I, Kara Go, will be at your service.  ―Pleased to work with you.” [Yakov]: “Mhm.” His eyes continued to focus on the documents as he replied, never looking away.

[Yakov]: “Getting straight to the point― I am calling on you to produce apparel for a party that we are hosting two weeks from now.” [Yakov]: “As it has been planned that you will also attend this party as the castle’s designer, make sure to prepare your own dress.” (Two weeks from now... that sudden?) [Kara]: “Um... Do you have any requests regarding the garments themselves?” [Kara]: “I’d like to hear if you have any preferences concerning things like design, color, material, but...” [Yakov]: “You can design your own dress however you want – however,” [Yakov]: “provided that you do not make anything disgraceful as the exclusive designer of this castle.” Along with these severe demands, he somehow has even more to say. [Yakov]: ”Regarding my own attire, you may refer to the prior templates.” [Yakov]: “After this, you will have to produce clothing meant for official business; but as long as you do not deviate from those templates, that will be adequate.” [Yakov]: “―That is all to be discussed, so you may leave now.”  Without looking in my direction, he declared these matters bluntly. Apparently consenting to his demands, Yuri bows with that same perpetual smile. [Yuri]: “Then, please excuse us. Let us depart, Kara.” [Kara]: “...” [Yuri]: “...Kara?” When Yuri had turned to the door to leave, he then tilts his head as he saw me still frozen in place. (If I back down now, I won’t be able to show my face to Jean Pierre and the others who bothered to recommend me...) With that in mind, I...

➢ "I can’t do that.” ➢ “Give me some more of your time.” ❆  

➢ "I can’t do that.”  [Kara]: “...I cannot.” [Yuri]: “Kara, what are you saying?” [Kara]: “I cannot... produce clothing according to the prior templates.” ➼  

➢ “Give me some more of your time.” I take a single step toward the Prince and say this directly to him― [Kara]: “I must deeply apologize for such, but I would like some more of your time.” [Kara]: “There are some things that I would like Your Highness to take a look at.” [Yakov]: “But I do believe that I had said that this discussion is over?”  [Kara]: “There are still things I’d like to hear from you about. Please, just give me a little more of your time...!” ➼

➼ With these words, I put the file I was holding onto over his office desk. [Kara]: “These here are some of my best designs.” Opening the file, I spread the design sketches over the desk space. They were a variety of designs I’ve drawn so far. [Kara]: "I’m still lacking a bit, but I shall study more starting today. With that, I'll be able to create a great multitude of clothing.” [Kara]: “So, given that – please tell me about the types of designs that Your Highness likes.” [Yakov]: “...Did you not hear what I had just said?” [Yakov]: “My own preferences are irrelevant. As I said before, you may use a design from the notes of the previous designer.” He finally takes his eyes off the documents and looks at me for the first time. Though I felt like cowering beneath that chilly gaze, I attempt to convey my intentions to him. [Kara]: “So as to not destroy the current image of Sanct Sybil, I will also refer to the previous notes at times.” [Kara]: ”However, I’m thinking that Your Highness would just prefer to continue wearing the designs that have been used until now.” [Kara]: “Is that your preferred fashion style, sir?”  

[Yakov]: “...What is your point?” [Kara]: “If that’s indeed the case, then as a designer I will make such designs accordingly.” [Kara]: “But if I’ve gotten the wrong idea, can you please tell me what you actually prefer?” [Kara]: “From now on, rather than to simply just make clothes for Your Highness – I want to know what types of designs you like.” [Kara]: “I’m a designer, so my job is to make clothes that people actually want to wear...!” [Yakov]: “...” At the end of my explanation, the office was greeted by silence. The tension engulfs my body, the prickly sensation almost piercing my skin, when the Prince rises from his chair and approaches me. [Yakov]: “...Giving my opinion here―“

[Yakov]: “In terms of that encounter back at Nobel Castle, and of now… You’re quite the spirited woman.” [Kara]: “Ah…” (As I had previously suspected – he did remember me from the actual first time we met.)

[Yakov]: “To start, I will say this to you.” [Yakov]: “I only desire one, and just one thing from you.”  [Yakov]: “―It is the very fact that you are a designer that Lord Nobel himself has recommended, and that is all there is to it.” [Kara]: “...So, concerning myself– anything other than that fact is of no value to you, is what you’re saying?” [Yakov]: “Correct. It would have been better if you had prior achievements, but I shall compromise on that.” He takes yet another step closer and levels a sharp gaze at me. [Yakov]: “Of course, you are not the only one under these circumstances. In this castle, all of the human capital assembled here are renowned in their respective fields...” [Yakov]: “By hiring these types of individuals, the reputation of Sanct Sybil will increase dramatically.”

(I was called to this castle for such a reason…) (And this must be why the previous designer, as well as some other employees, had been laid off.)

➤ haha did u think this was gonna be a route where she actually got hired out of genuine appreciation of her work

While I was struck silent in shock, Prince Yakov extends his hand towards me. Tucking his fingers under my chin, he lifts my head so I directly face him.

[Yakov]: “―There is also one more thing.”

[Yakov]: “If you wish to hear of my tastes - you will have to ask me more alluringly.” His blue irises, like brilliant sapphires - narrowed mockingly. Being stared at such a close range made my cheeks flare in an instant. [Kara]: “Th-That’s not what I had meant, so… please excuse me!”  (How mortifying... He’s just totally messing with me...!) I swiftly detach from him before hurriedly bowing my head and rushing out of the office.

[Yakov]: “Kara Go, hm…?” With a low murmur, he turns through the pages of design sketches over his office desk. A moment later, having finished looking through them, the memory of his conversation with Lord Nobel a few days ago drifts into his head.

[Nobel]: “Kara, make no mistake, will be an essential figure for Sanct Sybil.” [Nobel]: “And I believe that the day you, Prince Yakov, will become a great power will surely come.” [Prince Yakov]: “...Your Grace, you hold her in high regard.” [Nobel]: “I sense this great enthusiasm and potential within her.”

[Yakov]: “...Someone based on Lord Nobel’s hopes alone is like this, hm?”

Having observed his master’s countenance, Yuri speaks his inner thoughts. [Yuri]: ”When I had first met her, I had thought that she appeared to be the timid type with no self-confidence – but...” [Yuri]: “She seems like quite the intriguing individual, instead.” [Yuri]: “I did not think that she would have that sort of conviction to her character.” [Yakov]: “…” Not responding to Yuri’s comments, Yakov signs a single sheet from the pile of documents on his desk. [Yakov]: “I have finished confirming this. Take it away.” [Yuri]: “Of course.” When Yuri removed the sheet, atop the stack of remaining sheets sat Kara’s official employment documents. On it, was the Prince’s signature of approval― 

To be continued...  

(Letter)

From: Yuri Title: The Unexpected

You appear to be quite firm in your own beliefs. We do not often come across those who are able to plainly express their own opinions in front of His Highness. ...I am, just a touch, interested to see what comes in the future. From here on out– I look forward to working with you.

Episode 3 // Prince Yakov’s Dance Partner

Two weeks after coming to Sanct Sybil to serve as the royal castle’s exclusive designer― Coming to the party hall, I’m overwhelmed by its extravagance and grand scale. (Such a massive amount of people have gathered here tonight...)

[Guest A]: “It seems that Sanct Sybil has finally started to seriously put their plan to join the Alliance of the Six Kingdoms in motion.” [Guest B]: “Mhm. This time, it looks like they’re holding this party for the announcement, but... famous figures around the world have come here to see.” (Really?... This is a spectacular party, huh.) Along with famous figures from every country, several media outlets have come as well, and once again I sense the sheer level of attention focused on this country right now. (Ah-... If I’m not mistaken, that person’s a famous pâtissier.)  In this party, those who had been brought here for this castle, like me, have also been chosen to attend. Within that group of those serving under this castle, several of them are internationally renowned, and each of them respond to the media reporters and journalists in kind. As I watched the crowds at a distance, I overhear them talking about having been hired at around the same time frame as me. [Guest A]: “Since that pastry chef over there was the sole winner of that championship, it’s no surprise they’re getting a lot of attention from the press.” [Guest B]: “Same as the rest of us, the main task they have here is to respond to the media.” [Guest B]: “Well, if I do my work exactly the way the documents told me to, that’s good enough.” [Guest B]: “The rest is just 'fun’ work where we just have to smile in front of the cameras.”  (Like I thought, others in the castle have been made to work in the same fashion as I had been directed.) (It’s been the same for me, too... Ever since I came to this castle, I’ve been receiving a lot of media coverage about me.)

It had been decided that my position as Sybil Castle’s designer is to be permanent, and in the studio I promptly flip open my sketchbook. (The deadline is in two weeks... There’s not that much time for me to think up ideas for my own dress.) For the party they’re hosting two weeks from now, I must make both a uniform for Prince Yakov and a dress for myself. Just as I immediately began to start on my designs, Yuri appeared.

[Yuri]: “Please excuse me. Kara, can you come into another room as soon as possible?” [Kara]: “Um... Is there something?” [Yuri]: “Starting today, those who have been brought to this castle are to receive the presence of news reporters and similar outlets.” [Kara]: “News reporters...?”   [Yuri]: “Yes. His Highness had also told you about it the other day, I recall.” [Yuri]: “Those appointed to work here as a result of the immense scale of the layoffs have been brought here for the purpose of attracting the media’s attention and to increase our reputation.” (Since that’s yet another part of this job that I was specifically sought out to do, I don’t have a choice here...) [Kara]: ”...I understand.” [Yuri]: "It will be all right. As most of the media’s questions have been chosen in advance, we have also prepared answers for you to use.” And so during the days preceding the party, I had countless interviews with the press.

(With stuff like this, I can’t really call myself a designer, now can I?...) I did somehow manage to sew together the requested garments in-between interviews, but other than that, for the most part, I haven’t done anything that can be considered the work of a designer. Letting a sigh leave me as I stood in the corner of the party hall, the press took notice of this and began to come over in my direction. (...Must be another interview, huh.) I think over the words I had decided on for these sort of media interactions in my head, when Prince Yakov then appeared atop the stage platform. That was enough for the eyes of the everyone in the venue to then gather over in his direction.

[Yakov]: “―Today, I would like to make an announcement to those who have congregated here.” [Yakov]: “Sanctis, Sybil, Versurk...”  [Yakov]: “From the unification of these three lands, they were reborn as a brand new nation, the country of Sanct Sybil. [Yakov]: "Of course, not much time has passed since our new country has been founded. However, as of recently, this country has assembled a great number of talented people with promising futures.” The figure of the Prince as he surveyed the large crowd of guests was so gallant and majestic that I was completely entranced.

However, seeing the Prince clad in a uniform that strictly followed the templates that the previous designer had left behind stabbed my chest with a dull pain. (I wanted to make a design that was based on the Prince’s preferred colors and designs, after all.) Since his formal request, I didn’t have much time until the party to begin with, and then there were other things like those interviews― So ultimately, I ended up producing a uniform according to those old notes from the previous designer. (...It’s clothing that I made, but it doesn’t have that sort of feeling to it at all.)

[Yakov]: "Henceforth, Sanct Sybil will now direct its attention towards the early stages of joining the Nobel Michel Alliance.” [Yakov]: "As one nation united, we shall surely endeavor to accomplish joining the Alliance.” Thunderous applause erupts from the crowd of guests. (I have no real connection to this... It’s like I’m listening to a speech for the events occurring in a faraway country...) While further applause was granted to the Prince, the reporters from before begin to move closer again. (I’m not confident that I’ll put out a good interview right now...) As if to escape from this place, I head to the balcony.

(Like you’d think – Even with a dress made for winter, it’s cold out here...) Even wearing a dress and capelet made of thick fabric, the Sybil night still carries a chill of stinging cold. While shivering, I gaze up at the sky above, and there were stars twinkling over the clear horizon.  (Prince Yakov’s speech was absolutely magnificent.) (But...) A little before that speech, I realized that I don’t truly feel like I’m the designer of Sanct Sybil Castle. [Kara]: “...With the way things are now, I wonder if the day I can be honestly called the exclusive designer of this castle will actually come,” I murmured as I vacantly stared deep into the sky, when―

[Yakov]: “―It appears that the party is not to your liking.”

(Huh…?) Turning my head at hearing a voice behind me, I see Prince Yakov walking over in my direction. [Kara]: “Your Highness…” [Kara]: “Is it all right for an honored prince to sneak out of the party?” [Yakov]: “This is merely a small break. I cannot endure such things without at least resting for a moment.” Replying with an indignant look on his face, he comes up to my side. Leaning against the railing to gaze over the courtyard, a small sigh escapes him. [Yakov]: “Every time I pass by someone, I get asked the same things, and then I’m made to answer with the same things over and over again like some sort of cockatoo.” [Kara]: “That... I feel the same about that.” [Kara]: “Every time I have an interview I get asked the same things, and then I just answer with the replies Yuri had prepared for me, over and over again.” Looking over the courtyard like the Prince was, I think back to the things that have happened since I’ve come to this castle. Even though I should be called a “designer”, it’s just pitiful that I can’t receive the essential work for it. [Kara]: “But... that’s the sort of thing I was brought here to do.” [Yakov]: “Are you contempt with that?” [Kara]: “Ah―“

At the Prince’s question, I reply with...

➢ “It’s more a feeling of helplessness.” ❆ ➢ “It’s frustrating, yes.”

➤ for some reason i don’t have the text for the latter choice, rip. maybe i can try coming across it (and the other missing answers) on my bmp2 alt later idk

➢ “It’s more a feeling of helplessness.” ❆

[Kara]: “Rather than feeling contempt... it’s more that I feel helpless about it.” [Yakov]: “’Helpless’?” [Kara]: “Yes. I can’t express anything in my own words― and while it doesn’t mean I haven’t accomplished absolutely anything here...” [Kara]: “At the very least, if I was able to accomplish just one thing by myself, that’d be all right... but I can’t even manage that and I’m just useless.” [Yakov]: “...I see.” I heard a sense of immediate realization in his voice. (I say all of this, but you didn’t ask for such things.) (After all, you said if Lord Nobel was the one recommending me, then that would be enough...)

Thinking such things, I stay silent, when the Prince gives a trace of a wry smile.

[Yakov]: “Certainly... considering someone like yourself, that is simply absurdity.” (Huh...?) With his unexpected reply, I instinctively turn my head in his direction. Meeting my eyes, the Prince continues to speak in a tone... where I could not tell if it was of admiration or of exasperation. 

[Yakov]: “I realized it from before when we had conversed in the office―” [Yakov]: “You are the type of person who thinks for oneself, and acts according to their own beliefs and convictions.” [Yakov]: “You do not intend to gain recognition as a designer by adopting someone else’s brilliance and being a mere imitation of them.” [Kara]: “Th-That’s...” The Prince saw right through the misery I’ve been harboring ever since I came to Sybil, and my eyes widen in surprise. His eyebrows knit in apparent suspicion as he stares straight at me.

[Yakov]: “You look as if you want to say something.” [Kara]: “N-No... Your response was just different from what I had expected, so I was surprised.” (―As I didn’t realize that His Highness, in reality, actually understood me a lot...) [Yakov]: “...It is not like I have been at peace with things either.”

[Yakov]: “As the prince of a country, I believe that I have a good judge of character.” [Yakov]: “From your words and actions up to this point... and also from looking at your designs, anyone would have a firm grasp of your character.” [Kara]: “The design sketches... you looked at them?” [Yakov]: “Incidentally, while confirming your documents.” Asserting haughtily, the Prince’s blue irises subtly glint.

[Yakov]: “I know what must be going on in your head. However, even recognizing that – I cannot afford to end this farce.” [Kara]: “Why... is that so?” [Yakov]: “...Things are not limited to only when the country’s desires and my own thoughts are similar.” (That’s...) Opening my mouth, I was about to ask him what he meant by that― But before I could, a voice speaks up from behind me.

[???]: “―Yakov. So you were over here, in a place like this.” [Yakov]: “The King...” (Eh-...the King?!) Turning around, standing over there was the King and Queen. Prince Yakov’s face stiffens and he suddenly bows his head. I follow his lead and bow as well when the Prince’s voice resounds with a rigid tone. [Yakov]: “My sincere apologies. I was getting a bit of fresh air.” [King]: “Is that right...” The King’s direct line of sight casually falls onto me. The Prince takes note of this and he gives a brief introduction. [Yakov]: “The subject before you is the designer I had hired recently.” [King]: “Ah, the one recommended by Lord Nobel, is it?” [King]: “Having secured a connection with Nobel Castle, we are making more and more progress in opening the path towards becoming an ally.” [Yakov]: “...Yes.” At the Prince’s answer, as if remembering something the King continues to speak. [King]: “By the way, what of the new Minister of Foreign Affairs? I heard that the previous Minister on that seat showed considerable resistance upon the notion of dismissal, but...” [Yakov]: “The newly-appointed Minister is doing a favorable job.” [Yakov]: “As he is well-known in other countries, he performs all according to plan.” [Yakov]: “There is no need for concern.” [King]: “I see. Strive to maintain these conditions.” [Yakov]: “Understood.” Satisfied with the Prince’s words, the King takes his leave with the Queen. (...Even though they’re father and son, it’s much more like a chief and his subordinate.) (The life of royalty is like that, huh...?)  From the beginning to the end of their businesslike conversation, the Prince and King did not smile at each other. As I recall the uncomfortable feeling that hung over their entire exchange, Prince Yakov speaks with derision towards some part of himself.

[Yakov]: “...Right now, what this country needs is status – One could also call it ‘brand power’.” [Kara]: “’Brand power’...” [Yakov]: “For this country of mine, a country that only recently came into existence, to be on par with a developed country,” [Yakov]: “brand power that can be boasted among the other countries is necessary... That is the current way of thinking for Sanct Sybil.” (But, it doesn’t seem that His Highness himself wants that...) The “farce” he had mentioned earlier, along with the unspoken words he had purposefully left out, appeared to be of Prince Yakov’s true opinions on the matter. (But... Given his position as a prince, I wonder if he just can’t set things in motion based on his true feelings alone?)

➤ ok i get that it’s supposed to be his future job and all but why does it feel like yakov is doing all the legwork for this alliance while the king is sitting in the back eating some doritos. excuse me u seem pretty alive and well portraitless king what are u doing with everyones taxpayer money

Pondering these complicated thoughts, I look up at the Prince – and noticing me, the corners of his lips quirk up.

[Yakov]: “What’s the discontent face for?” [Yakov]: “If I rejoin the party, bringing in a woman that’s sulking like that – I’ll be quite troubled.” [Kara]: “It’s not that... I’m sulking, precisely...” I was about to refute his statement when he takes my hand to cut me off. [Kara]: “P...Prince Yakov...?” [Yakov]: “The piece has changed.”  ➤ musical piece fyi [Yakov]: “Let’s go.” [Kara]: “Huh....?!”

Prince Yakov returns to the party venue, and makes his way to the center of the dance hall. [Guest A]: “My, it seems that Prince Yakov is going to dance!” [Guest B]: “I’m so envious of his partner~!”

➤ mmm idk about that one friend really ot but thinking abt it... i shouldve used that one dance cg as the one for this header bc spoilers, there’s no more formal dancing after this....... fuc i assure u this is very important bc there’s only like negative 7 yakov cgs i can use that aren’t riddled with unrelated clothing (weird knight uniform, yukata, apron, no clothes at all, etc.)

(We’re attracting a significant amount of attention... with me, someone who can’t dance at all...) Feeling under pressure from the eyes of the crowd, I inadvertently hang my head. In doing so, Prince Yakov whispers to me at a volume that the surrounding guests would be unable to hear.

[Yakov]: “Even if it is just for this moment – As my partner, you must face up.” [Kara]: “’Partner’…” [Kara]: “I can’t really dance for the most part... Surely, I will humiliate Your Highness.” Even at this point, I want him to stop. I was about to call for his sympathy when I lifted my head up at him,  and unexpectedly see his face so close to mine. (Ah…) Illuminated by the glittering chandelier above, Prince Yakov was the most captivating figure out of everyone in the entire hall. His dignified appearance, along with an expression that was brimming with self-confidence― easily stole away my gaze from looking anywhere, anything else.

[Yakov]: “I already know that you cannot dance and the like.” [Yakov]: “Without thinking about unnecessary matters― if you simply look only at me, and leave your body to me – you will be fine.”

[Yakov]: “―So, do not resist me?” Taking my hand, he drops a kiss along my fingertips. His eyes gazed provocatively up at me, and my heart skipped a beat. [Yakov]: “Your face is red, you know.” [Kara]: “Th-That’s, Prince Yakov’s…” [Yakov]: “With that attitude, it shall be all right.” 

The piece began to play, and Prince Yakov pulls my waist towards him before slowly stepping in time to the rhythm.  In contrast to his high-handed words and demeanor, he leads me gently. (Amazing… even though I honestly believed that I couldn’t dance…) Just by entrusting myself to him, I’ve somehow transformed into the visage of a dancer. (Something about this is really fun…) Having fun at this party for the very first time tonight, a smile begins to naturally bloom on my face, and I nearly tread on Prince Yakov’s foot. However, the Prince elegantly evades my step before knitting his brows, muttering in a low voice.

[Yakov]: “…You truly cannot dance whatsoever.” [Kara]: “D-Didn’t I tell you that before?” [Yakov]: “But, you have the feel for it.” [Yakov]: “After tonight, be sure to practice your dancing.” [Yakov]: “―As there will be more parties akin to this one from this point forward.” (“From this point forward”…?)

At the prince’s words, I…

➢ “I must refuse.” ➢ “Understood.” ❆

 ➢ “I must refuse.” [Kara]: “I must refuse.” [Kara]: “The level of anxiety I just experienced was already too much to handle.” [Yakov]: “While dancing with me, the look on your face seemed to be as if you were enjoying yourself– so I am not so convinced.” (Ugh... I definitely was having fun dancing with him, thinking about it...) [Yakov]: “Besides- it has also been a long time for me too, enjoying myself while dancing.” ➼

 ➢ “Understood.” [Kara]: “…Understood. In-between design work, I’ll be sure to practice.” [Kara]: “Dancing is unexpectedly pretty fun.” We conversed quietly as we danced, and it somehow became even more enjoyable like that. The Prince smiles, and pulls me closer with a single sweep. [Yakov]: “Glad to hear that.” [Yakov]: “If you continued sulking about,  there would be no point in you taking the time to dress up beautifully.” ➼

➼ (Huh…?) I was surprised by his unexpected words when the piece concluded. With the end of the dance, a large applause was bestowed to the Prince. (I didn’t mishear what he just said, right...?) As I feel my cheeks heating up, the Prince leaves the dance floor. At that same moment, as if on cue – all of the princes of the other nations come and approach me.

[Roberto]: “Your dancing was soo cute!” [Keith]: “Well, for a commoner it was pretty good, huh?” [Keith]: “But if you took a better look, you could see that Prince Yakov taking the lead salvaged the entire thing.” [Edward]: “Not only the dancing - but the dress is quite stunning too.” [Edward]: “It was just as if a snow fairy came to descend from the clouds.” [Kara]: “Th…Thank you.” The Princes of the Six Kingdoms line side-by-side around me, and the atmosphere becomes especially cheerful. (Everyone– for you to treat me, someone who is just barely associated with you all, so kindly and warmly... I’m happy.) Cherishing this joy of getting to meet with the Princes again, Prince Wilfred then raises his voice.

[Wilfred]: “Now, I only heard this... But apparently, you officially became the exclusive designer for Sanct Sybil Castle.” [Glenn]: “Even though you’re still a rookie, to be suddenly put in a position like that of an exclusive designer– You’re amazing, you know.” [Wilfred]: “I think there will be things that you won’t be familiar with, but I’ll be cheering you on. Do your best.” [Kara]: “…Okay!” (There’s someone out there who’s supporting me like this...)

➤ i love.... wilfred...... this is why wil used to be numba won. his POWER so strong they had to create claude to ruin his love life. to weaken that perfection!!

 (Let’s do our best while doing things you can manage, bit by bit, in this country.) The Princes spoke to me warmly, and I strengthen my resolve once more. Prince Roberto then strikes up a conversation with Prince Yakov. [Roberto]: “By the way, I heard that Sanct Sybil will be joining the Alliance, hmm?” [Roberto]: “The Alliance hasn’t had any later additions until now, so I’m really looking forward to it.” [Yakov]: “…Mhm. I think the day Sanct Sybil will be on par with your fellow countries is soon approaching.” With Prince Yakov’s statement, the other Princes show their excitement. [Keith]: “If that happens, we’ll definitely have to celebrate, yeah?” [Roberto]: “We’re suuuper happy that we’re gaining new companions.” [Yakov]: “I am grateful for such words, but the first step is going through the discussion regarding the deliberation.” Prince Yakov’s face hardens. Seeing this, Prince Glenn then brings up something he seemed to have remembered. [Glenn]: “Speaking of which, being a member of the Alliance has all sorts of conditions to meet, right?”

[Joshua]: “That’s right.” [Joshua]: “The terms - like the stability of the economy and of public safety - are fully detailed in the treaty.”

➤ i was this close to just not giving joshua his screencap time bc this boi.... bloody useless this episode- we still stan u riceball king.... but still

[Wilfred]: “First, the most important requisite is that the country must be stable; if a major incident or form of discord comes up, it seems that one will lose their qualification to join.” [Wilfred]: “Well, there hasn’t been a case like that so far, but.” [Joshua]: “I would think that things along the lines of an ‘incident’, and prominent matters that arise, just do not happen, alas.” (Joining the Alliance is a difficult thing, huh...) I think for that reason alone, Prince Yakov thus has no choice but to act in accordance with the country’s policies. I think about that, when I hear Prince Roberto pipe up in a bright tone. [Roberto]: “Well, regardless~ I was really surprised by the cold of Sanct Sybil, but…” [Roberto]: “I was also surprised by how lively the town by this castle was.” [Joshua]: “He’s right. You can feel the passion of the country from it.” [Glenn]: “I think it might be because it hasn’t been that much time since the country unified, but it has an ambiance to it that the other six countries don’t have.” [Keith]: “The people working in this castle too only consist of those who’ve made a name for themselves. It’s to the point where I want that sorta thing for my place.”   [Edward]: “I’m looking forward to the day Sanct Sybil joins us.” [Yakov]: “…Mhm.” Prince Yakov nods, and the other Princes encourage him with their smiles. Then, Prince Roberto, looking out the window, cries loudly. 

[Roberto]: “Snow…! Everyone, look! There’s snow falling.” (Huh…?) Spurred on by Prince Roberto I shift my eyes to look out the window, and within the darkness, I see snowflakes fluttering about in their descent. [Wilfred]: “I think it only makes sense that it would get this cold. It seems Sanct Sybil has the earliest winter season out of all the other countries.” [Roberto]: “It’ll pile up ‘til tomorrow, right? If so, I wanna have a snowball fight~!” [Glenn]: “I’m not a child, so…”

  While the Princes get noisy in their lively chatter – Coming over to my side, Prince Yakov smiles with a light huff. [Yakov]: “As one would expect, it will not accumulate up until tomorrow, but over the next few days, it will all become a snowy landscape.” [Kara]: “How pretty…” [Yakov]: “I am used to such a sight, so I do not feel particularly moved by it in any way.” [Yakov]: “As you live in this country, soon you too will get used to seeing it.” [Kara]: “Is that right… I think I’ll definitely get used to it, soon enough.” (When I had listened to Prince Yakov’s speech, I felt that I was listening to the words regarding a faraway country, but...) Listening to the princes’ conversations and words of encouragement, I now truly feel that I am indeed here to be the designer of Sanct Sybil. Smiling at Prince Yakov,  I get to enjoy the first snow with the Princes for this brief moment―

To be continued...

(Letter)

From: Yakov Title: Go Practice

While dancing, I was astonished when it seemed very likely that my feet were going to be trampled on– but you appear to have some sort of potential. Dancing with you was not bad, no. Additionally... your dress was also not too bad. As the designer of Sybil Castle... you have passed.

―Yakov

Next Episode...

“But, why are you in a place like this?”

....how does yuri bother to dye those brows red every time. dedication to the craft i suppose

lol sorry about this one. i feel that ep 3 is even shoddier than what i usually put out, but when i finished ep 2 i already had a good chunk of ep 3 done so i wanted to get it over with bc this ep is mostly bad/awkward vibes ehehe

i think the next chunk will maybe be just ep 4 + special story 1. i want to include each ver of the special story (so 3 versions) so........ might take a good minute to do but idk we’ll see tbh i wanted to put ep 4 in this chunk so special story 1 could be by itself but i figured some of u would prefer to have more frequent updates. it’s been over a week since the last one so i felt like that was a bit long of a wait after just episode 1

Again, thanks for reading!

[taejeonie]

taehyuck moments that make me feel lonely

every time hyuck would call taehee and how she would respond

“noOOoOoNAaAaAA~”

“hAeChaAnIE~”

taehee had a like,,love-hate relationship with hyuck back then

“noona, i don’t like your hair”

“i don’t like your face, donghyuck”

lol but that was before

present time!!!!

everytime hyuck would look at taehee he looks so

smitten

it’s cute

during yaja time,,,hyuck would always make sure that taehee calls him ‘oppa’ just to tease her

when they both won in rpd in their weekly idol guesting,,,hyuck gave his point to 127 while taehee gave hers to dream

mark mentioning taehee and hyuck used to fight a lot predebut but now they’re super close!!!

taehee being tsundere with hyuck

“noona, i love youuuu |( ^ 3 ^)|”

*shoves hyuck away aggressively*

but then later on she’s like

“haechanie, do you want to play games?”

“i knew you loved me (＾＿＾)”

being good at games

they gave tips to dream on that one weekly idol episode

speaking of weekly idol episode

taehyuck stans got so much content when they guested there during superhuman era

taehee had to ‘appeal’ to them before picking a partner

“should i dance?”

“AEGYO”

“haechan-ssi said aegyo!!! wahh,,it looks like taehee-ssi is a bit reluctant”

taehee: jdkskdkfksk

“i....i’m not acting pretty-“

“AHH CUTEEE”

“i was born pretty”

“PASS!,” hyuck shouted

so the hosts continued to interview her while hyuck and doyoung were waiting behind her

“taehee-ssi, who do you want in mind?”

“haechanie?”

doyoung: <//3

“why haechan?”

“bc he’s good at playing games”

“ahh!! so you’re only using him?”

“yes hehe”

so when taehee turns around she’s like \(//∇//)\ bc hyuck’s there

but then she sees doyoung and she goes ( O . O)

“HER REACTION- HAHAHAHAH”

“okay. appeal to me”

hyuck stands up and proceeds to wink at her and bite his lip

hyuckie sweetie don’t be so provocative or else sunflowers will d word

“ah you’re a bit bold, aren’t you?,” taehee taunts him

“even if you’re just planning to use me, you’ll fall in love with me in the end and i will cherish you forever”

taehee.exe has stopped working part 3948289492

“OH HE OFFERED HIS LOVE”

“i have money-“

lol taehyuck wins in the end

taehee felt hyuck’s lips when they were guessing a ball of yarn was in between them so she got so scared

“WHAT WAS THAT”

they’re so cute during fansigns also

the cutest was one they were sending each other hearts while they were on both ends of the table

taehee can’t resist running her hands through hyuck’s hair

even if the managers tell her not to

like you’d see her stare at hyuck for a moment before patting his head and keeping her hand there

or pushing it back from the front

cheek kisses.

“noona, what are you planning to do after practice?”

“i’m planning to sleep-“

“MWAH”

“LEE HAECHAN!”

“and that was haechan’s kiss cam- OW”

host: “haechan, your birthday is coming up. what do you wish for?”

*glances at taehee sneakily*

“i want a kiss from noona”

then you can hear jisung, chenle, and renjun gag

while mark laughs nervously leader tingz

lowkey the host pestered her to do it so taehee kissed hyuck on the cheek anyways

being each other’s seratonin boosts during performances

like they would pass by each other and next thing you know,,they won’t stop smiling

in america hyuck kept clinging onto taehee

they also kept going on about taeil’s butterfly

when taehee mc’d for isac she was cheering for hyuck

“AH!! THAT’S OUR ACE!!”

and vice versa

when they were planning the 24-hour relay, taehee said she wanted to do frisbee and walk her dog but she wants a member to go with her

“i’ll go with you,” hyuck told her

“really?”

and you can see taehee’s eyes light up bc awowowow she’s so cute

so when they were doing the relay live already

the both of them went out to a park

“you’re in a lot of videos today”

“yes, but i enjoyed this the most since i get to spend it with youuuuu”

“you’re following in my footsteps, aren’t you”

hihi

so taehee taught him like the different throws of frisbee

hyuck threw the disc really hard and it landed far away so taehee had to get it

hyuck went near the camera and pointed it at her

“look at my noonaaaa”

“she’s so cute, isn’t she”

and then later on they walked taehee’s dog named ‘통이’

he’s a brown shitzu puppy that hyuck gave her for her bday

most of taehee’s relay vid was just her and hyuck playing with 통이

“so how’s our child doing in school?”

“OUR CHILD???”

“통이!! 통이’s our child!!”

“since when???”

“i gave him to you!! he’s our child now”

“you’re weird”

then later in hyuck’s relay,,he was about to play games

but he called taehee first

“baby? what are you doing?”

damn hyuck you call jaehyun baby,,,now taehee?? donghyuck bad boy.

“why the sudden english?”

(in korean) “just answer!!”

“umm i’m about to sleep. why?”

“okay..let’s just play games when you wake up!”

“you’re still playing games when i wake up? HAHA”

hyuck laughs with her, “yeaaaa”

“okay, goodnight baby!”

“goodnight, baby!”

c o n t e n t

them dancing all the parts in kick it during their weekly idol guesting

we stan

hyuck couldn’t look away from taehee when she was doing her facial window

“CUTE!!”

“AHH NOONA I WANT TO HUG YOU”

but the he suddenly goes silent when she does the cold ver.

flustered tm

but then goes back to finding her cute when she whined to jungwoo right after

in the latest nct life, they would sit beside each other all the time

vvvv competitive when they were doing the luge race

when they would sleep during car rides their heads are on top of each other <3

everytime taehee would laugh, the fans would notice how hyuck looked at her

like there’s literally heart eyes for her

and they were roommates

like her, hyuck, and yuta

since there were only two beds, yuta offered to sleep on the floor

“i’ll just sleep beside hyuck. you can take the bed”

later on...

“what are you doing?”

“i can’t help it...i like you too much”

“i can’t move”

“if we stay like this, we won’t need blankets anymore, noonaaa”

“turn the other way”

hyuck complied but made taehee wrap her arms around him

hyuck small spoon uwuuwuwuwu

both of them being good at the shooting game haha

#gamertingz

instead of worrying over hyuck when he almost fell off the 9m thingy

she laughed at him and called him slow

“HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA”

“HEY HAECHAN YOU’RE TOO SLOW WE’RE LOSING”

but then they gang up on the opposing team bc they’re salty they lost

stealing clothes is taehee’s thing

well,,just hyuck’s clothes

like you’d see her wear hyuck’s ‘sinners’ hoodie from time to time

and his green one during the 00’ line vlive

i think she’s worn it a lot more than hyuck does

“you’re wearing my clothes again, why won’t you just buy your own?”

“save money!!!”

the way they hold hands is cute too

like during award shows, their pinkies are linked together akmakskakdl

and they’re always together in the airport

they were doing a punishment bc they lost in a game

and it was a peppero game

*cue mark sweating nervously bc the dreamies are scary and taehee is a rebellious so he doesn’t know what would happen*

anyw they got the peppero stick to go like really really short

like a little bit more and they would get in trouble

and then BOOM

renjun pushes taehee’s head forward, making her and hyuck almost kiss

but they pulled away so quickly

“you dangerous thing :000 we almost kissed”

and when mark thought it couldn’t get any worse

“it wouldn’t be the first time” - jeon taehee, 20

“oKAY CUT”

their iconic vlive moments

aka where hyuck professes his love to taehee it sounds so sincere that it makes her genuinely flustered

“one day, i’m gonna marry taehee noona-“

taehee hits him lightly in surprise before saying, “don’t stay stuff like that hahaha”

“it’s true!! i have my future planned out already”

“you’re so weird”

“it’s okay. as long as you love me”

hyuck moves his face closer to taehee, causing her to look away and gag

“DOYOUNG OPPA HE’S BEING WEIRD AGAIN!!!”

the other one was when taehee was reading comments

“lee donghyuck, do you love me?”

“jeon taehee, i really,,really,,really love you”

“.....i was reading a comment”

dw hyuck gave the fan a heart in slight embarrassment

and then the next one was during taehee’s birthday

she held a solo live yAYYYY

but then the comments were asking about hyuck so she let them know that he’s recovering well and he’ll be back soon before you know it!!

“haechanie? haechanie’s doing fine everyone!! he’s recovering at home and he’ll be back before you know it ∩^ω^∩”

“i think he’s watching this live- hey, haechan! you take care of yourself, okay? and don’t be too stubborn next time....”

“i got a little worried,” she mumbled softly

“just get better quickly, okay? i’ll treat you to beef and we can go watch movies as soon as your better”

she gives a smile before going back to reading the comments

her phones suddenly rings, “oh? it’s haechanie”

she puts it on speaker and says hello cutely

and the first thing hyuck says is

“i love you”

ABD THEN TAEHEE SMILES JUST REALLY WIDE AND HER DIMPLES ARE SHOWING AND HER EYE SMILE

DEFINITELY ARE SOULMATES

“i miss youu”

“i miss you tooo. what are you doing?”

“watching your live of course!! happy birthday”

“hihi thank you”

and then when hyuck got better they had another vlive again with 127 and dream

like the new year one

anyways

it got quiet for a bit after haechan said his like ‘i’m better now’ speech

and then when he finishes taehee calls his attention

and she’s like serious BC SHE WAS WORRIED OKAY

HYUCK’S LIKE HER BABY STFU

“be careful next time. don’t get sick again”

it sounded so sincere hyuck felt his heart melt.

cute

DREAM GRADUATION

ugh such an emotional day

hyuck was tearing up when watching their vcr

then he couldn’t hold back his tears anymore when they were doing their ending ment :(((

i mean he’s still with them in 127 but it feels different :((

when they were about to do a group hug, taehee pulled away from mark and ran into hyuck when he opened his arms out for her

it was a short hug but still

:(((

bUT!!!

they continue to support each other even if they’re in different sub-units at times

taehee kept saying hyuck looked more handsome ever since boom cb

then even MORE handsome in reload

“i know (⌒-⌒; )”

fans noticed how taehee turned more affectionate with hyuck during this era

OGNDNKDKDKS

“most importantly, i miss mark hyung and taehee noona today”

(´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

OKAY BACK TO LESS ANGSTY MOMENTS

now taehee is more clingy with hyuck these days

it’s either they’re beside each other and one of them is leaning on the other

or they sit on each other’s laps

they also go out and eat often yieeee

“is it good?”

“mhmm!!”

that’s all thank u for tuning in !!!

although, she doesn’t show it that much at first, taehee loves hyuck very much !!!

so does hyuck

i feel like they’re really gonna have a very strong relationship til the end of time

yes they’ll grow old together <33

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @that-english-nerd (she/hers)

what are you working on right now? Three things!

My next chapter for my witch!AU where Bellamy is the son of a witch, and Clarke enlists his help to find out what happened to her father and his sister.

And a prompt for @bellarkefic-for-blm  with princess!Clarke and knight!Bellamy. It's a little outside of my comfort zone but I enjoy writing it. I currently have stumbled upon some technical difficulties where I lost everything I wrote for it so now I'm back to square one.

I’m also looking for the next chapter of a Voltron fic I’ve been working on. It’s super silly but it’s ridiculous amounts of fun, I want to write so much for it.

what’s something you’d like to write one day? I think it's been a pipe dream of mine to write a novel that captures the spirit of the YA books I grew up on but that people of all ages can enjoy. I want it to be my ultimate self-indulgent fantasy where I combine all the things I loved as a reader. A fantasy/sci-fi, action, a good satisfying romance, complex emotions.

It's also important to me that the main character is brown-skinned like I am, and that the book discusses different philosophies and cultures without ever saying one is right. Growing up as the child of immigrants, I've always struggled with clashing cultures and it took me a while to learn that neither culture is more right than the other, and that our differences in how we think are what makes being human meaningful. I want something that acknowledges those parts of the human experience without villainizing or glorifying its existence.

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? Honestly? It's this moodboard I made for my Winx Club!AU. I really like how it came out aesthetically speaking, and I'm fond of the story. I do have some things I'd change about the story stemming from the fact I wrote it one sitting but I don't know if I'll ever make the changes. Still. It was a fun piece to write.

why did you first start writing fic? I really, really just wanted to write some more scenes for my favorite couples who I felt were robbed in books. I just wanted to write some cute shit, man. Since then I’ve written for 39 Clues, Maximum Ride, Demashitaa! Powerpuff Girls Z, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Powerpuff Girls, Hush, Hush, Danny Phantom, Giver, Legend of Korra, Jimmy Neutron, Code Lyoko, 100, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Lucifer, and Penryn & the End of Days.

what frustrates you most about fic writing? plot. specifically, non-emotional plot. like what even is that. If the plot is driven by emotional development, it’s still hard to come up with specific structures for moments but like if things need to happen outside of their emotions, oh whee boy do I struggle. For me, emotions tend to naturally evolve from one thing into the next and it’s easy for the characters to lead me where their emotions take them. It’s harder when things need to develop outside of that.

Other than that, motivation is a big roadblock. Struggling with depression, anxiety and my other responsibilities, I can go without touching a piece of writing for months. I feel the itch very often but it’s one that goes unindulged.

what are your top five songs right now? - Experience by Victoria Monét with Kahlid, SG Lewis  - BALI by Rich Brian with Guapdad 100 - Etch by RILEY THE MUSICIAN with Iker - Culver by Mac Wetha

what are your inspirations? Usually pictures or stories! My witch!AU was inspired by an aesthetic picture I saw on tumblr and most of my other stuff has been inspired by other stuff I read. It’s not necessarily specific plot points—though, sometimes some plot threads are too good to give up—but rather the emotional journey the characters go through. Poems and other media also feed the old noggin.

what first attracted you to Bellarke? what attracts you now? It turns out I have a thing for reluctant partners turned lovers. I really liked how the two shouldered responsibilities that no one else really had, and that despite their differences, they had the capacity to understand and empathize with each other when no one else would. It would've been so easy for Bellamy and Clarke to fall into an endless cycle of blaming each other for their decisions. We see it in the other characters, in other TV shows--a constant battle where only one person's philosophy can prevail. But with Bellamy and Clarke, they have always shown empathy and accepted each other. It might not have been right, maybe they themselves would've done something different, but at the end of the day, Bellamy and Clarke try to understand and accept each other for who they are. Present tense. I think that kind of, frankly mature, love is something we don't see in media all too often.

BESIDES Bellarke, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? hmmmm

I do enjoy memori, they make me happy. I also have a soft spot for Raven and Roan. Anything with Wells is gold bc I really want to see how he could've changed the show. Oh, and Minty. This wonderful idea will always be a favorite of mine.

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm? I’ve been wanting to do more for a bit because I, personally, avoid social media activism. @bellarkefic-for-blm  is an amazing way to leverage whatever platform I have to incite awareness and action by using my strengths. I can do this really cool thing that I enjoy to help something critically important.

what’s your writing process like (esp for prompts, chopped!, etc)? it’s a hot diggity dog mess. I kind of do whatever I feel like. If I want to write a scene, I’ll write a scene. If I want to write dialogue, I’ll write dialogue. If I want to write an outline, I’ll write an outline. Chronological order is not guaranteed. Because writing tends to be an extremely emotionally exhaustive task for me, it’s easier for me to write more if I let go and follow whatever whims I have so that I don’t compromise my urge to write. My guarantee is that I try to milk the whim for whatever it’s worth. If I start an outline, I’ll finish it. I’ll have music in usually but I’ll pause it often to think about whatever it is I need to say.

what are some things you’d like to recommend? Some bellarke fics that’ll make you chuckle: So put your hands down my pants and I bet you’ll feel nuts by Chash You know you drive me up the wall by coffee_grounders The (Bullet Pointed) Life and Times of Bellamy Blake by crystalkei, dirtytrix

Other than that:

-       Albums: Ungodly Hour by Chloe x Halle, SAWAYAMA by Rina Sawayama, Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers -       Musicians: Matt Nathanson, Mat Kearney -       TV Shows: Nikita, Code Lyoko -       Books: Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor

You can find her on here on Tumblr @that-english-nerd, or on her AO3 here. Request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm.

[katedoesntexist]

Stay-at-home journal 12/10/20

Yesterday:

Worked

Laid in bed and tried to rest my back

Watched a couple eps of ahs

Today:

Work

Prob more back recuperation

Free space:

Dreamt that friends came over to watch my partner play video games, but there wasnt enough room on the couch so he and some other went to sit in the other room instead of the living room. He set it up so he streamed to the living room but it was a bad experience bc ppl came to talk and hang out w him and now he was in some other room. I tried to use my phone in the meantime and somehow accidentally kept playing music through the speakers that the game was coming through.bi got rly upset and then saw the he had put away a bunch of the christmas ornaments and packed up part of the tree (we have a fake tree) and that made me more upset and i cried. Then there was commotion out the back door and a family was going around giving out these weird long exotic succulents. A kid came up and gave me one but it was small and falling apart. An older member of the family was like we'll give you another bc that ones not good, but he also gave me a small one. Another part of the dream i was in the neighborhood by my old hr high (recurring location) and there were half finished apartment buildings grown over w ivy. I wanted to cut through the cemetery. A family let me in and before we knew it a ton of ppl showed up. There was a little kid who didnt want to be there so i tried to show him how interesting some of the graves and symbols were. Also there were a bunch of stray cats. And the last part of the dream i remember was playing dead by daylight or one of those, but it was real. Then it was over and i got to meet elyse from funhaus and sit on a couch next to her while she did some presentation.

So in health news, yeah im more and more sure I have a slipped disc. Need to talk to a dr, which i hate. This rly makes working painful. I wish there was a way to lay down while using the computer.

Its gotten cold here, but we're keeping it toasty inside. Im so used to skimping on heat, but we have solar panels now and our production is use it or loose (in a 12 mo period), so might as well keep the heater on.

I discovered online thrift shopping. Its not as good as in person, and places dont have home goods (just clothes) but it seems fine and still worth the money. Thrift sites are easier to filter and browse than ebay too, though its been a while and maybe i should look there. I just rly miss going to cheap places. That and seeing a few select ppl are what i miss most abt pre-pandemic life.

[a-very-fond-farewell]

The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 15/? Kimi no Na Wa AU: “Seamless” [ok I changed stuff bc I’m well on my way to thirty and teenage love is fun and fresh until you realize you could technically be a parent yourself and then it’s all downhill from there. so the characters are adults, sorry about that] [title comes from (what I understand to be) a way of saying that goes “a goddess’s robe is seamless” which (supposedly) should mean a great plan coming together –which reminded me of fate and time and the whole underlying plot of the movie– or something perfect/the product of perfect craftsmanship. I was looking for info about weaving procedures and I stumbled across this:

From Wikipedia, under “Loom” “In Tang Dynasty, China, the goddess weaver floated down on a shaft of moonlight with her two attendants. She showed the upright court official Guo Han in his garden that a goddess's robe is seamless, for it is woven without the use of needle and thread, entirely on the loom. The phrase "a goddess's robe is seamless" passed into an idiom to express perfect workmanship. This idiom is also used to mean a perfect, comprehensive plan.”

There’s also reference to the legend of Vega and Altair, which is what the Japanese festival tanabata is based on. And my creative juices gave me a sugar high so...yeah] * No matter how isolated Gusu is known to be, preparations for the upcoming July festival attract people from all over the country. Time has relentlessly transformed what used to be a secluded and safe place for people to meditate in into a tourist location known for its cold springs and breathtaking sceneries. Yet, Lan Zhan wonders what cities and stories could possibly hide behind those mountains he has known for all his life.

Managing the temple of the goddess along with his older brother and uncle should bring him joy, but deep down he knows he’s still living beside them more out of obligation than anything else. Lan Huan himself feels trapped behind the usual mask of politeness and fake smiles, his heart still bleeding for the loss of his two precious friends in the span of five years. Their uncle Lan QiRen well may have taken them in when they were mere children, stepping in to take care of them in place of their mourning father after losing his wife... but Lan Zhan knows his brother doesn’t want to disappoint their elder in any way.

Falling in love not once, but two times in a lifetime should not be frowned upon... but Lan QiRen couldn’t stomach the idea of one of his nephews falling for a man the first time, let alone the second. Just having said goodbye to Nie MingJue when they were mere teenagers after their uncle had prohibited him from meeting with his nephew, Lan Huan thought he could have another chance at happiness with Meng Yao in his twenties... just for the other man to fall ill and move country to look after himself. Ever since, Lan Huan has stopped believing in ever being able to find happiness for himself and decided to accept his fate and manage the temple like their uncle did for most of his life.

The idea of celibacy doesn’t sit well with Lan Zhan, not for himself and certainly not for his heartbroken brother, but life outside Gusu seems so far away and unapproachable. Without them the ancient tradition of working the loom to create seamless robes would perish and most of the profits from the temple would fall dry if not for their hard work. Their mother used to be a seamstress herself, teaching them how to weave without breaking the delicate thread, setting the rhythm of their hearts with her feet moving on the pedals as they watched her work her magic day after day. Their robes are still valued for their absolute perfection, even if nowadays they’re bound to be bought not by emperors or kings, but by celebrities and politicians who just want to boast their ego in front of cameras and flashing lights. The set Lan Zhan himself has been working on will take another three months to finish and on top of that he uses his spare time to make the ribbons they sell at the local gift shop while his brother prepares the traditional talismans by hand, his calligraphy as delicate as the products of their weaving. 

As the nights of the local festival approach and they practice the rituals in full traditional gear more to appease the tourists than anything else, Lan Zhan feels getting more and more tired the longer he wears the long wig and the heavy robes himself, wishing his heart could stop being so ungrateful for the life he was entrusted with. But the news of a comet quickly approaching them brings the promise of change as Lan Zhan looks up at the sky and wishes he was born in a different body. Just for once. Just to live at least once in that existence of his.

[more under the cut]

Wei Ying is in university (engineering major), living with his brother Jiang Cheng (marine biology major) in their sister’s tiny ass apartment. They keep her company while she waits for baby Jin Ling to be born, ZiXuan working day and night in the hospital fresh out of med school to get their family a bigger house. Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng moved in from the tiny Yunmeng and secretly hate the big city life, but their studies come first and they didn’t want to leave YanLi alone while pregnant. Their parents are still working in the countryside and couldn’t properly care for her, living so far away in Lanling.

Wei Ying works part time in a bar and the usual routine is so rooted in his system that he doesn’t even care anymore. Study, eat, work, sleep. Rinse and repeat. He would like to think his brother has it easier than him, but he’s even more elusive than him, studying in the library until his night shift in an art gallery as a guard. The poor guy doesn’t even sleep, let alone have a social life. Spring has just begun and YanLi still has a trimester to go, her spirits low even if she loves her child very much already. Keeping her company and helping her leading a normal life is their priority as her brothers, but sometimes Wei Ying wishes things were easier.

He doesn’t really want to become an engineer, or, at least... he used to want that. But he’s more interested in actually making stuff instead of taking a hundred calculus classes per semester. He wishes he could enjoy his studies more and maybe get a girlfriend or boyfriend to pass the time, not that he believes in romance or anything. Commitment sounds scary.

One day he wakes up and... nah, he’s still dreaming. The ceiling is wrong, he doesn’t live in an old traditional cottage with a view on... wtf is that a mountain? Fuck that he doesn’t have time to waste, he has a test today. Studied hard enough last night he fell asleep on the desk... better start getting ready.

So he goes to the bathroom and showers, too tired to even open his eyes. But the shampoo smells all wrong, what even is sandalwood? And he doesn’t like mint toothpaste. And why are his clothes a size bigger? He doesn’t even own a button down, what in the...?

Who the fuck is that in the mirror??!?

On the other hand, Lan Zhan wakes up on a desk, drool on the books, late for a test an angry stranger reminds him he has to take in half an hour at best. He is presented with a soup his body mechanically ingests out of habit as he tries to politely nod to whatever the kind woman in front of him is saying. (“You look sick, are you really okay?” / “A-Jie stop babying him” / “But I’ve never seen him so... quiet?” / “He’s probably pretending so that he can skip his test.”) But if he really has given his word for such a commitment... maybe he should just go.

Still, he doesn’t remember going to any university. That may be a problem.

His body feels different, but he never paid attention to his reflection. They don’t even own mirrors back at home anyway. He doesn’t remember his hair reaching well over his ears and under his jaw. Should he consider asking his brother to cut it for him? It feels greasy, should he fix it or?

As he tucks a strand behind his ear he realizes something is terribly wrong. From the tip of his nose to the width of his shoulders, from the clothes he put on without even thinking. The window of the shop under the apartment he’s just left shows him a stranger that he cannot recognizes for the life of his.

And now some funny stuff:

(If you are not familiar with the movie, go watch it. But if you are you should be fine with the following list so... enjoy)

Jiang Cheng loves dogs, but Wei Ying is allergic and they cannot get a puppy... so he de-stresses at a local dog café whenever he can. Wen Qing works there even if she’s a cat person and comments on how he’s secretly planning to murder her so he can get her job. They’re good friends and dated for a while before Wen Qing understood her lesbianism was stronger and Jiang Cheng’s chaotic bisexuality was leaning more on the boy section of the partner store anyway. They bitch about everything and everyone anyway.

Lan Zhan (in Wei Ying’s body) manages to arrive in university and take the test, getting perfect scores even if Wei Ying’s never got such a high mark. For the rest of the day he roams Lanling in awe, believing it’s just a very nice dream. He also discovers the existence of pet bunnies in a pet store and his life changes.

Wei Ying (in Lan Zhan’s body) is a mess. Lan Huan immediately notices something is wrong, but he hasn’t really smiled in several months and whatever is happening to WangJi is extremely entertaining to him. He sees him skipping the morning prayers right in front of Lan QiRen’s salad (so to speak) and he doesn’t seem to remember the existence of their uncle’s punishing bamboo stick.

He also clearly never used a loom in his life, but luckily Lan QiRen is too busy to notice as he welcomes tourists in the temple and explains them the history behind it. Lan Huan takes “Lan Zhan” out for a stroll and they sit down as Lan QiRen’s mellow voice explains the legend of the weaver goddess and the importance of the artisanal work they still keep practicing to this day. Transfixed, “Lan Zhan” smiles big at his brother and Lan Huan knows for sure this is not his WangJi at all.

Wen Qing finds “Wei Ying” petting bunnies in the shop where her current girlfriend MianMian works and notices how... awfully quiet he is. She thinks he bombed the math test and might be sad, but he doesn’t seem to recognize her when she waves her hand at him. She then reminds him he should be getting ready for work and he blanches at the idea. Eventually asking her “where he’s supposed to depart for” and honest to the gods Wen Qing ends up convincing herself he’s high as fuck.

Imagine “Lan Zhan” being reprimanded by Lan QiRen for -gods forbid- laughing too loud? Asking for a beer at the local tea house? Saying out loud that he craves meat when he’s vegetarian? That’s just a dream for poor Wei Ying, whatever! He’s having a great time and Lan Huan is this close to lose it when they practice the traditional rites together and “Lan Zhan” doesn’t know how to put the long wig on anymore.

Now imagine “Wei Ying” not knowing how to use a shaker at work, or how to make a martini, or the fact that he and a boy named Wen Ning are actually coworkers and not strangers. He goes back home at 3am with the feeling he has forgotten something important, but when he finally (finally) finds his apartment he falls asleep on the doorway. Too drained by the city life to even change out of his uniform.

Next day there’s no switch: Wei Ying wakes up in his body by the doorway, with Jiang Cheng coming back from his night shift and panicking hard; Lan Zhan wakes up in his bed but he’s somewhat grounded at 20 for... drinking beer?

Technical stuff now!

Lan Zhan lives in 2010 and he is 20, Wei Ying lives in 2015 and he is 20.

It’s LXC who suggest his brother to keep a diary for his dreams if they get too crazy (later on it will be revealed something shocking about LXC, but for now the journaling is just a “suggestion”)

WWX and LWJ switch every other night or so, and things change when WWX wakes up in LWJ’s body and finds the diary.

They keep in touch with diaries [bc I don’t think LWJ would have a phone like...ever, but I digress]

WWX notices the two Jades of Gusu are kept outside of their peers’ circles because other people think their family is weird: they still use courtesy names; they don’t eat meat; most of their relatives are believed to have died in celibacy without actually being monks themselves; they don’t drink alcohol and are deemed unsociable... and so on.

But it’s when he overhears people bashing LXC for “his past with several boys” and for “running away from society like his father” that WWX (in LWJ’s body) actually loses it and starts a fistfight right then and there until those losers stop muttering behind their backs.

In the meantime, ZiXuan comes back home to surprise YanLi... and LWJ is there (in WWX’s body) and the younger man almost doesn’t let him enter bc he doesn’t know who this strange man is and what does he want from Jiang Cheng’s sister?

LWJ also follows JC to his night shift one day bc he’s never seen an art gallery (but apparently WWX often trails behind his younger step brother anyway, so JC doesn’t notice anything weird... aside from how quiet the other is)

JC then takes that opportunity to ask his brother (while LWJ inhabits said body) if... if he’s depressed and needs help [“Wen Qing saw you petting bunnies too many times for you to be ‘just fine’. You can talk to me.” / “it’s fine.” / “fuck that you’re not fine. Stop lying to me.” / “it’s just a transitional time for me, it will pass” / “who taught you such big words, what the fuck”] and then JC begrudgingly tells his brother than he loves him and doesn’t want him to be sad.

The next day WWX is back in his body and finds written down: “your brother tells me he loves you and that you should take better care of yourself” and WWX clowns the fuck out of JC the following day and JC is like “noPe. You’re fucking fine. Whatever, your fucking with me. You’re always fucking with me. Stupid of me to fucking care, gods forbid.”

LWJ starts developing feeling when he learns WWX defended Lan Huan + LWJ goes every night he can to the art gallery when he doesn’t have to work at the bar and learns there’s an entire section of the gallery dedicated to Gusu + but he doesn’t want to think about home for now, avoiding the exhibit, and so he learns more about JC and starts to think he would have lots of things to talk about with LXC.

Lan QiRen takes his nephews to their annual purification trip to Burial Mounds, to a cave hidden on the mountain where it is said the goddess met with her lover for the first time in the past. They leave their offerings and change the ropes securing the entrance of the cave with sturdier ones, which they have made themselves prior that year. It is said that whoever enters the cave will be granted a wish, so it’s responsibly of the Lan family to keep everyone else out until the lover of the goddess returns to be granted the wish to reunite with her. It’s a privilege the goddess has left for him to enjoy and no mortal should dare take that from him. Only those who wear the sacred headband of the Lan family can enter without being cast out of the cave and be forced to leave by the spirits.

WWX falls in love with LWJ a bit everyday: the little gifts and notes he finds on his desk for WWX to open and read every morning; the beautiful drawings LWJ makes of the mountains; the care he put in the white robes that should adorn a deity and not common human beings.

crushed with longing for WWX, LWJ wishes to meet with him one day (the real him) and so he runs away from Gusu on train and reaches Lanling and searches for him at the university. But he’s not there. He looks everywhere for him, but doesn’t find him. Until he stumbles into YanLi and it’s almost like there’s a wall between them: shocked, LWJ recognizes YanLi even if he knows she has never actually met him in real life; but the worst thing is that... she’s not pregnant. She’s not even at home as she usually is, but going to university herself and it doesn’t even seem like she’s even in a relationship with ZiXuan yet: the two of them not even sparing a glance to one another in the university corridors.

LWJ finds his words at long last, asking YanLi if her brother Wei Ying is well. She beams at him at first, elated to see her brother actually has friends outside of the family... “but you look around my age, right? What business do you have being friends with a fifteen year old boy anyway?”

Shocked, the last thing LWJ can do before leaving her alone is to give her a ribbon he made himself, the one that represents his heart. “I just know him by chance, he... he helped my brother once. I was wondering how to repay his kindness so I made this for him. Can you give it to him?”

That evening he goes back to Gusu and he prepares for the festival knowing the comet is coming. The last thing he wishes is to forget about Wei Ying, because -having realized there’s a discrepancy in timelines and that he has interacted with someone from the future for months now- he cannot possibly justify having developed feelings for a minor.

There are no more switches and WWX is left wondering what happened.

Now the sad part:

Under the weather for what happened, WWX follows JC around a lot and he even adopts a couple of bunnies to cope. YanLi is closer and closer to the due date and gets restless, forcing her brothers to clean up the entire apartment with her until everything sparkles for the baby’s arrival. They dig out an old box with all of YanLi’s stuff from university and LWJ’s ribbon appears out of nowhere. WWX immediately recognizes it for what it is.

[“I’m sorry A-Ying, I was supposed to give you this back then, but I forgot.” / “What are you taking about... why do you have a Gusu’s ribbon with you?” / “Ah, was your acquaintance from up there? He said you helped his brother once, or something like that... and he wanted to thank you. I’m really sorry.” / “How long ago was that A-Jie?” / “Five years or so? I think?”]

To this JC startles, saying that’s awfully weird, considering what happened to Gusu exactly five years prior. To which WWX is like ?pardon? and then JC takes them to the art gallery to the traditional art section, where the exhibit on Gusu is: there, WWX finally remembers how a relatively small rock has detached itself from the comet and destroyed Gusu in 2010 on the final day of the July festival.

On a display there, the siblings find one of the few things spared by the fire: an unfinished set of robes weaved with the precious heavenly silk, which was said to be made from the stars themselves.

Wei Ying cries all of his tears, neither JC or YanLi can console him and the only thing they come up with is that -maybe- their brother felt bad for forgetting to cherish a friendship... but they don’t remember if he had reacted so badly five years ago when the news of the fire at Gusu broke.

In the middle of the night, with the ribbon secured around his wrist, Wei Ying runs away and takes a train to Gusu. There are no more direct lines and he has to hike all the way up there... just to see a lake where the town was supposed to be. The crater so big it swallowed the ground where half of the city used to be.

Desperate, he wanders the mountains without knowing where to go, until his feet take him to the secluded path Uncle QiRen took him once. He follows it, noticing the same ribbons knotted around the trees he saw the first time he walked there. He follows the path and reaches the cave.

Inside, nothing happens. The talismans are still there, but -as he imagined (*eyeroll emoji*)- there’s no actual magic preventing him from entering. So he jumps over the white ropes made of ribbons and silk and gets inside the cave of Burial Mounds. He takes shelter there from the storm outside and thinks of Lan Zhan, of how much he misses him. And then he cries thinking about him and his brother and their uncle and the entire Gusu: because none of them deserved to die. And he wishes he can rewind time and save them all.

He faints in the cave and his wish is granted.

Now for the good part!

He wakes up in LWJ’s body (in 2010), the day after the boy’s impromptu trip to Lanling, the last day of the July festival. He gets to work as soon as he goes downstairs, determination painting his (well, LWJ’s) features to the point Lan Huan notices... and he has to say something.

While they ate breakfast, out of Lan QiRen’s sight, Lan Huan sits his “brother” down and tells him something unexpected: that he used to switch bodies with not one but with two people at the same time, NMJ and JGY.

That he managed to finally meet NMJ in their teens when the older boy came to Gusu for a school trip... but he didn’t want to leave bc he had finally found LXC and didn’t want to part ways. Lan QiRen put end to the older boy’s silly antics and the two friends agreed to meet in secret, before Lan Huan put a end to the relationship for fear of displeasing his uncle. The three friends kept switching bodies until one day they stopped.

Then Meng Yao came to find him and told him he had discovered the truth of what happened: that NMJ had a car accident and lost most of his memories of their years as friends and that now was living somewhere else with the woman he fell in love with. Meng Yao himself tried to live in Gusu for a few years afterwards, regardless of his poor health, eventually deciding to not make Lan Huan worry and disappeared without a word to take care of himself (or to die far away enough so that Lan Huan didn’t have to see him at his worst).

Lan Huan said that it took him years to remember their names and that he was able to finally utter them in front of his brother only the previous year, at the last July festival. He also reveals WWX that trying to remember something so simple caused him great pain, to the point he believed he could let himself die that way, starving himself from human connection.

Impressed and sorrowful, WWX cries for him and wishes things were different for Lan Huan, who’s only 23 and yet had suffered more than anyone else. But Lan Huan is content with what he has, even if he feels guilty for being the reason Meng Yao neglected his health. Yet he’s happy for NMJ and doesn’t regret befriending them at all.

With his help, WWX alerts people in Gusu: LXC finally standing up for himself against their uncle in order to gain his respect and convince him of the emergency at hand.

On the other hand, LWJ wakes up in the cave in WWX’s body (in 2015) and doesn’t know why he’s there. Yet he knows the way out and travels back following the ribbons... but when he reaches Gusu he sees there’s only a crater filled with water and doesn’t know what to do. He knows of the time discrepancy between the two realities, but he doesn’t know what to think.

WWX realizes LWJ must be in his body somewhere on the Burial Mounds, from the top of which Gusu can be seen, but he doesn’t know if he would find his own body in the cave, since the year now is 2010 and WWX reached the cave by himself only in 2015. Yet something tells him to go and so he leaves for the mountain.

On top of the Burial Mounds, he doesn’t find anyone.

But Lan Zhan is there, on the other side of the veil between present and future.

And as the light of the sun fades away and dusk approaches, Wei Ying enters his body and Lan Zhan gets back inside his own. They meet for the first time and Wei Ying doesn’t know what to say, having never seen Lan Zhan’s body from outside and feeling suddenly very self conscious and uninteresting.

To which Lan Zhan responds with “are you legal?” / “what the fuck Lan Zhan.” / “I gave you my ribbon. did you receive it?” / “yes, my... my sister gave it to me like, yesterday.” / “yesterday as in... what year?” / “2015”

And then Lan Zhan kisses the hell out of him because nothing screams romanticism to him like a relationship between two contenting adults and Wei Ying gets blissed out of his pants for that single kiss on the spot. In between kisses Wei Ying tries to convince Lan Zhan to stop, that there’s something they should remember... or at least something they should not forget.

But Lan Zhan does not relent, hugging and holding Wei Ying, finally... finally keeping him close and never letting him go.

Until Wei Ying disappears and the only thing left of him is the white ribbon Lan Zhan has given him.

They forgot to write their names, so that they would not forget them like LXC has done for years.

And finally.....!

years have passed, it’s the beginning of 2020 [sans quarantine, thank you] and Wei Ying has graduated and is looking for a job. He doesn’t remember Lan Zhan.

Jiang Cheng has found a job close to the sea at the local aquarium and the only thing he talks about on the phone is “how useless his new intern is. a nobody late bloomer who discovered the mountain wasn’t for him and decided to study in the opposite direction, go figure. Gusu must have bored him alright. but the other day he reminded me mountains are actually ancient reefs and now I think I’m in love.” So all is well.

(Gusu did not fall and everyone was evacuated in time. Lan Zhan had descended the mountain and made sure his brother got his backup in convincing their uncle of the emergency. He doesn’t remember either, but he always keeps his ribbon on his wrist, feeling like he’s waiting for someone to get it back.)

On a snowy night they cross paths on a pedestrian bridge, but don’t recognize each other... until Wei Ying’s scent of lotus reaches Lan Zhan. But the other has already disappeared behind a corner of the ever busy Lanling and they miss each other once again.

The following day, when Wei Ying has just dropped Jin Ling at his kindergarten and is about to cross a road, he sees a familiar face on the other side of the street. Both of them are talking to the phone: Wei Ying to Jiang Cheng, who’s calling him from a toilet, panicking about his first date with the intern; and Lan Zhan with his brother Lan XiChen, who’s waiting for his date to come back from the bathroom in the restaurant they chose to meet at.

As they walk towards each other they sense something, but don’t stop. Until they have now reached their respective sides of the road and realize what just happened. They turn around, but there are too many cars in between them.

They look for a way to meet and run towards a pedestrian bridge right above the road. They make the steps two at a time until they’re out of breath on top and stare at each other after so long. Wei Ying has lived for five years feeling like half of him was missing, but Lan Zhan had spent twice as long waiting for something to change in his life.

(“I’m still legal, you know?” / “That’s the first thing you decide to tell me after ten years? Really?” / “you thought it was romantic last time” / “what’s that supposed to mean?” / “that you should kiss me right the fuck now, you big oaf.”)

They meet in the middle of the bridge and kiss.

Then, Lan Zhan tilts his head and ask “what was you name again?”, clearly amused, and waits until Wei Ying’s laughter resonates all around.

The fucking end.

Now I need a break.

*

[redrobin-detective]

The Young, the Old and the Insane

@traya-sutton I FINALLY DID IT. I’ve had that opening paragraph in my head since the day we kicked this idea around and it was so refreshing to finally get it down. Uh but Isolation AU where all the sidekicks know about Bats bc Robin wants friends.

There are three categories of people who know for certain that the Gotham City Batman exists. The young children in their paper masks who look up at the sky and believe that the man dressed as a bat could save the day. The older generation who’ve been around the block and have noticed a marked change in crime since the supposed Batman appeared. And of course the costumed criminals of Gotham who are regularly foiled by the city’s silent avengers. But there is another subset who knew about Batman who fell under the first category or maybe the third and those are the young sidekicks of Justice League heroes.

If asked about the mysterious Batman, they would laugh, “Batman, as if, everyone knows he isn’t real.” But there’d be a certain quirk to their smile, a hidden joke that only they know the punchline to. For perhaps they know the Bat Man and his associates better than even the citizens of Gotham. You could say that a little bird told them all about the mysterious hero.

“You said your name was Robin?” Speedy asked with a raised eyebrow as he observed the costumed kid eating their cereal, perched precariously on the back of the couch. He should be more angry this weird kid broke into their secret hideout but he’s more annoyed than anything given his story. “And you work with Batman, that made-up vigilante.”

“He’s not made-up, you’re just not immune to GCPD’s propaganda and B’s intense paranoia,” Robin quipped, Aqualad snorted into his fist and Speedy crossed his arms in annoyance.

“Okay, so Batman is real. That’s kind of a big deal, so why are here talking to us and not presenting before the League,” Wonder Girl asked, still standing slightly in front of her team in case this newcomer proved dangerous. 

“Because I’ve been at this for a good while, at least twice as long as you guys, and I know a thing or two about the so called Justice League. I know they don’t respect human heroes and delegate them mostly to monitor duty,” Robin said making eye contact with Speedy who looked down. “I know they treat young heroes, metas even, with kid gloves and don’t involve them in anything meaningful,” he continued looking over at Kid Flash and Aqualad. “And I know they won’t believe in the good work me and Batman do because we don’t fit the idea of what a hero should be.” 

“And so you’re here why?” Donna asked again only she couldn’t stop the small smile from appearing on her face.

“Because I got mad at B and realized it’s probably not healthy to brood in a cave all the time and decided to find some friends,” He tilted his head in a teasing manner. “Unless you’re gonna tell on me to which I’ll be long gone before the League catches sight of my cape.”

“Pretty confident in yourself huh shorty,” Wally grinned, leaning a bit over the back of the sofa by the other hero. 

“There’s a reason no one knows about us, Wallace,” Rob teased back and in the complete disarray that followed that revelation, Donna decided that their little ragtag team created out of boredom and frustration with the League’s tedium had finally become complete. 

(In the weeks and months and years that followed and the adults questioned the overwhelming success of the Teen Titans, the four heroes merely bowed their heads and credited their mentors for doing such a good job teaching them. And of course that played a part plus it was better than mentioning their on again, off again secret member who organized the Team better than even the League.)

((No one would believe them anyway if they said anything.))

XxX

“I think you should talk to your dad,” Captain Marvel said, awkwardly handling his game controller in his unnaturally large adult hands. Video games weren’t strictly allowed in League Headquarters but the group was constantly in a state of loose, unorganized chaos so he doubted anyone would notice or care. Least of all his companion.

“He’s not my dad,” Robin muttered, hunching over his controller, trying to overtake the magical hero’s Kirby with his Waluigi. 

“You’re here complaining he’s being too over-protective, sorry if I’m not buying what you’re selling,” Marvel said with a wry grin. Rob brought out Billy in Cap more than anyone else, made him feel like less of an impostor in a too big suit.

“I just needed to get out ya know? Get away from Gotham and all the pressure to live up to this impossible standard,” Robin continued, flinging his controller a bit as if that would save him from running off the road. He cursed as he tried to right himself.

“Then go hang out with the Titans,” Marvel said, his passive tone at odds with the full body wiggle he did as he cemented his lead and sped closer to the finish line. 

“Those are Golden Boy’s buds and I do not need any more of his hand-me-downs,” Robin said. “Sides they’re all older, there aren’t many heroes around our age. You should convince the League to recruit more sidekicks.”

“Right, I’ll tell Superman that they need to find some more kids between the ages of 12 and 16 to be sidekicks because Robin, Batman’s partner also probably Mothman’s lovechild or something, wants more friends,” Marvel teased even as he threw his hands up in victory when he came in first.

“You suck,” Robin laughed, watching as Waluigi rolled in 4th. “And I don’t need more friends, I got you Bill. If only you’d stop using your magic mumbo to cheat at Mario Kart.” 

“It’s not cheating if I play against someone who doesn’t exist,” Marvel retorted, looking over at his best friend. They didn’t meet up nearly often as he liked, only when Rob was able to escape Batman’s attentive eye but every time was a small treasure. “And believe me, you’re more than living up to your big brother. Pretty sure Robin I never dared to break into League headquarters to play video games. You’re an amazing hero, I wish I could work with you in the daytime.”

“Yeah, me too,” A device on Rob’s hip beeped. “Looks like our time’s up, a couple of Lanterns are on the floor which means I’m out. Stay safe out there, Bill.”

“You too Robin,” the Captain said, closing his eyes excitedly for a few seconds and opening them to find his friend vanished. Man that never stopped being super cool. Mr. Jordan and Stewart appeared through the double doors a minute later. 

“Jeez, playing video games by yourself, Cap? Talk about depressing, invite one of us next time,” Hal commented as he walked by.

“I wasn’t alone, Batman’s son was keeping me company,” Marvel shrugged as he put the controllers away.

“Right and Bigfoot sold me a bridge in San Francisco, seriously, get another joke man. The Batman ones are getting old.”

(Eight months later, Captain Marvel went missing for several days. When he finally showed up, he had the most heart-breaking somber expression on his face. “A good friend died,” was all he would say. ‘We’re sorry to hear,’ the League said, ‘was it someone we knew?” And for some reason that made him sadder.)

XxX

“Thanks for coming out Rob, we really needed your big brain on this one,” Wonder Girl said, wiping her brow and surveying the damage from the difficult battle. 

“I’d say no problem but you guys can’t keep calling me on such short notice, Batman’s gonna wonder how many last minute science projects they can give me in a semester,” the Boy Wonder sighed, reorganizing his utility belt.

“Oh you stickler, you always say that and you always come running,” she fluttered her eyelids, “especially when Kon is in danger, then you’re almost as fast as Bart.” 

“Of course he’s my friend,” Robin muttered, fiddling with his gloves to avoid looking at her. 

“The Justice League aren’t the only ones in denial, Robbie,” she teased, before looking back on the horizon. “Man we kicked so much butt today, I know why all the secrecy we’d be so much better if we had you with Young Justice full time and didn’t always have to worry about photos and stuff.”

“I know Cassie,” Rob said, hunching his shoulders and turning away from her further. “I get why B does what he does but we do good work, the Titans did good work when they had their Robin with them. Batman is so organized, so disciplined, he would bring so much to the Justice League which acts more like a club than an actual hero institution.” 

“You know, you could just, come out. None of you have to stay hidden, everyone knows about heroes now,” Cassie explained weakly but even she could see the flaws in the plan.

“We’ve talked about it,” Robin, Tim, sighed. “But B is pretty set in his ways and, well, the League is pretty clear on what it thinks of human heroes.”

“You don’t have to tell them, I thought you were a meta for months after you showed up,” Bart said, speeding up to them suddenly. “Not that you’re not super wicked kick-ass as a normal person but it might work.”

“If we’re coming out, we’re coming all the way out, I lie enough in my day job,” he pouted, turning back to Bart. “Weren’t you transporting the civilians out?”

“Done but also Wally texted me that the JLA is almost here and you need to skedaddle.” Robin cursed and grabbed the rest of his gear off the ground, sprinting towards his bike. 

“Jeez thanks for the warning! You keep them busy, my armor isn’t perfect and people like Superman and the Manhunter would be able to pick me out if they were looking,” Rob said in a rush. “See you later and please don’t call suddenly like that.”

“It’s the only way we see you, Kon gets lonely you know,” Bart grinned, waggling his eyebrows but Robin had already zipped off. 

“So what are we going to tell them this time?” Bart asked Cassie.

“Oh whatever we want, anything’s more believable than one of The Bats showing up to save the day.”

(The League, as always, heaped praises on them for their good work. They merely smiled that strange little secret smile the kids sometimes wore. The same smile the Teen Titans had and still did now. The smile Captain Marvel hid behind his mighty fist. A secret right in front of their nose but never seen.)

XxX

Batman was real, he’d always been real. A human man and his human associates had kept the worst of Gotham at bay with their wit and their tools. It was unimaginable, it was absurd, nobody could have possibly could have known.

“Batman?” The kids say with that secret little smile. “You could have just asked us.”