#and also. maybe its just bc i was actively searching for it since i know that hes a bit weird abt women. but like. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

meruz · 11 months ago

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another ask post

i mean i also read it because a friend whos rly into queer SFF fiction circles recced it but she did kinda lead with "the writer used to write hs fanfic...tasmyn..taz...?" to which i replied

of COURSE I read the locked tomb because i heard taz had written a book. of course. ill consume most any media made by a beloved homestuck bnf. thats also why i played undertale. and read like..snotgirl. and idk... watched the new dub of neon genesis evangelion.

if u made homestuck fanwork 10 years ago and havent even made it since chances are I still remember and I love you for it.

sdlkfhsg its funny you sensed that because that drawing did in fact start kinda more........ well, I'd be lying if I said my hands never wrought a drawing toeing over the pg-13 line LOL...

NOT to say i have a secret stash of porn or anything. in general im more interested in the implication of sexuality or mature themes over any explicit depiction. like everything i draw is so softcore itd almost feel silly to make a nsfw acc for anything.

but im not rly jumping to post anything on main either bc i get the sense i have a lot of kids in my social media following. it varies from site to site and fandom to fandom but the themes in my work often circle around childhood, coming of age etc and in general i like stories about kids so the fandoms i draw for have a lot of kids in them. even stuff like IT (stephen king) which is about kids but isn't necessarily for kids.. there were a lot of kids in that fandom lol.

actually thats why ive been censoring swears in comics lately because the tmnt fandom comes across to me as a little young...IDK I've had MULTIPLE people ask me what "sodomize" means because of the joke in this post and I'm like... I Cannot be the one to explain this to you. you have to look it up on your own klfsdhsdg like i wouldn't be doing this if i were doing a comic for mgs or even homestuck wherein the characters textually swear constantly LOL but sometimes u gotta change tacks depending on the faces u see in the crowd yknow.

i HAVE been thinking abt drawing nsfw of sunspot/richard rider/kobak from x-men red just because that comic seemed to be really asking for it. who knows.. if the need rly arises maybe my separate account policy will change.

its rly more a matter of the fact that i havent read/watched much of any other iterations... im sure id like most lol. I like most things related to my interests regardless of quality. i rly like the marvel ultimate alliance games for instance. sometimes seeing my fave guy is enough he doesnt have to be well written LOL. i dont exactly have a wealth of free time tho thats the real impediment.

i did watch the 2007 movie on new years eve and found it quite charming overall. and i have read about 30-40 issues between the mirage and idw comics. still feels like im barely scratching the surface but i liked em. i rly want to read all the sophie campbell stuff bc i think her work is interesting. jason aaron will be a mixed bag i think lmao. i say as the worlds biggest Wolverine and the X-Men (2011) fan.

hmm this is kinda hard bc i feel like i naturally draw very loose and the hard part for me is tightening it up. maybe some suggestions tho...

1) hand excercises. i think its easy to forget this when many artists sit in front of the computer all day but drawing is a physical activity u do with ur actual...bodys...muscles lol. if u feel urself tightening up it might help to strech (any google search for "artist hand excercises" should yield good results) or do a page of loose practice strokes like..big circles. long lines. scribbles. that kinda thing. whatever feels good for ur hand. this is also just good to do as a general warm up before u sit down for any drawing sesh.

2) draw further away from the canvas. as a general rule...when ur painting traditionally you do the big strokes with your whole arm outstreched and a long handled brush. and when you do the details its smaller wrist movements and a shorter handled brush. so it might help to take a step back or push back from ur chair a little.. or hold ur tablet a little further away. and hold your pen further away from the nib.

3) change mediums / brush types. some brushes and mediums are more suited to loose sketching and some more inclined towards detail work. so changing ur tool could help. also! i personally have this problem where sometimes if im using a brush i feel really familiar with the pressure to make a "good" "finished" "perfect" drawing is greater... if i want to force myself to loosen up ill switch to a tool i dont use as often so it feels like the pressure is off. a lot of times for me this is switching from digital to traditional. but sometimes its switching from a small pen to a big marker. or a smooth pen to a textured one. or a nice brush to a shitty dried up marker.

but also every body is different so i dont think these tips will work for everyone. u should listen to what ur body and mind tell u and how drawing feels to you

bro just sign up and set it up i dont think theres much to it... i dont rly think too much abt my itch.io store because its digital goods so u just upload the file and let it do its thing. no distribution work needed on ur part. youll notice i barely even advertise my itch unless i have smth new on there lol.. its easy. but good luck!!!

idk if im the best person to ask this im more a comic fan than i am a comic professional... a comic hobbist.

well. scott mcclouds understanding comics and making comics are good books on the craft. i think i had to buy them for a class in art school once.

other than that idk just keep at it. comics are really laborious i think for a lot of people the hardest part is sitting down and doing it.

i think a lot of people have a very instinctive understanding of how to read comics and what they look like so whatever you think seems like good way to tell the story you have in mind, its probably right. if u get stuck, study comics that have done something similar. most people in comics are relatively self taught and actually it can be problematic bc you can tell when a lot of comic artists are all copying the same like 5 old white guys LMAO. but on the flip side if you make sure to reference and study broadly your comics will almost assuredly feel unique.

sorry im responding to this anyways. this is just a really nice ask. i like when people reference my older work bc i feel like sometimes theyre subtly implying it wasnt very good LMAOOO. but its true! at least compared to the work i make now ^^ and the fact that im still making art is whats keeping me from being embarassed abt how much of my old art just floats around online lmao im never ashamed to be growing and learning. isnt that a nice thought <3

#ask #too much art talk in this one

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chwoyaz · 1 year ago

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how i perceive skk and their philosophical beliefs, particularly existentialism and absurdism

in my opinion, dazai's an existentialist. his character explores around the concept of finding meaning in life bcs he has no idea what's the point of it all. is there even value in the act of living? or is it just a foolish desire human beings have?

we all know dazai struggles with human emotions and has a constant conflict with his own identity

and yet, dazai constantly makes his choices in order to seek meaning (ex. staying in the mafia for a period of time, joining the ada, saving people, etc.)

the thing is, he WANTS to learn what it means to be human; wants to understand and find the value of life

as for chuuya, i believe he's an absurdist.

chuuya's journey is simply—for lack of a better word—ridiculous.

he has faced many absurd challenges in his life, yet managed to turn his life around through sheer force of will (mind you), and continues to live through it all with a devoted passion towards maintaining his relationship with humanity

like dazai, chuuya also struggles feeling human. at his worse moments, he feels like a weapon only wielded for war

despite that, chuuya continues living and commits himself to the people around him as an act of defiance in my opinion

yes, the conditions of his life is inane. laughable. maybe even pointless. but does it matter?

he doesn't particularly care abt the greater value of life or actively search for the meaning behind it, since he has already lived his entire life accepting its madness

he does and will constantly choose to live in spite of his conditions bcs he refuses to give in to the notion that he's not human and therefore shouldn't even cease to exist

in the end, chuuya rejects the promise of death and the power of destruction he's clearly capable of in order to stay in touch with his humanity—no matter how absurd his life is

#soukoku #skk #bsd #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #philosophy #existentialism #absurdism #existentialist #absurdist #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #its 3am #3am thoughts #3am things #personal nonsense

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olderthannetfic · 1 year ago

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https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/735066906548191232/calling-mf-relationships-straight-anon-i-would#notes

You know it would have been 100% more helpful if you'd just added the link, because like this I had to use tumblrs dreadful search function to figure out which parts you were specifically refering/answering to. /post/734652801973616640/what-word-should-i-use-biphobic-heteronormative#notes Now I'm gonna write unreasonably long response, so skip if you don't wanna read, bc I'm currently running on energy drinks and bad decisions.

1 It might surprise you but I can and do both. I in fact tell a lot of people not to assume a couple is heterosexual or homosexual just because of how they "appear." I can do both lol.

2 If they can get married or not has absolutely nothing to do with my issue as such. I'm really confused why you even bring this up since my focus was on how M/F relationships are treated in queer spaces, and how people always default to straight or gay, instead of just not doing that since queer is more than just "straight" or "gay". Maybe it was because I mentioned not liking the way straight passing/straight passing privilege is used? But that still is a different layer of the issue I have with the term itself and how it's applied in queer spaces to treat non-homo queer identities. I do think the term has its valid uses, but there's a difference between "you can't be queer if you're in a M/F relationship, because even though you're queer that privilege means you shouldn't enter queer (safe) spaces" and "SPP is when you don't need to fear from the Government or bigots for being out with your opposite gender partner." Though that doesn't take into consideration what happens if a M/F couple might not fit the typical cis normative and heteronormative gender roles. A feminine man, and/or a masc woman in a relationship can still experience open queerphobia. A lot of people do not acknowledge that even straight passing privilege isn't as cut and dry and "M/F", but comes also with the need to uphold a certain type of gender conforming role in society. Anyway, I'm objecting to the use specifically of "straight" as a way to other bisexual, and other non-straight relationships and how it's actively used to push M/F couples or M/F presenting relationships out of queer spaces, even when one or both people are queer. This includes relationships with trans, enbies, and other queer identities. Because it happens and it's not rare that even the queer community has tried to erase or push out bisexuals, and other non-monosexual queer identities. 3 My question more along the lines: Why the need to "gender" a relationship to begin with? As in why do you need to label a relationship as straight or gay just by looking at someone? Especially by queer people. Why is it ok to use that "binary" in queer spaces to exclude queer people because they're on the "wrong" side of the binary? A binary, hetero or homo, they don't even belong to? How often do you actually need to label someone else's relationship? We know the gender binary is bullshit, but people in queer spaces still decide to uphold certain binaries in so many aspects, and then judge you based on the binary they uphold, instead of you actual identity. It always seems to be much more acceptable to other and mess around with the identities of bisexuals and pansexuals, or other identities that fall outside the monosexual binary of homo and hetero, or the even the gender binary of male and female presenting.

Add-on: I also see bisexual relationships be labelled gay and it becoming a big thing in queer fandoms to erase their bisexuality, or of course pansexual character, even when one or both characters are bi, and then they get claimed under just the homosexual label, aka "Lesbians" or "Gay." This happened with Korrasami, Bubbline, and recently Lumity, even though each of these relationships has at least 1 bisexual character. I still see fandom wank about these relationships and how people are "erasing" lesbians when they state that the bisexual character is in fact bisexual, or how people label them under the lesbian identity for both. This happens with males as well, but it's more visible with female presenting relationships and characters. And obviously on the other end, when queer characters get labelled as straight, and then suddenly their actual queer sexuality doesn't count and they get treated as bad rep, or as not-valid because they aren't performing queerness on the right side of the monosexual binary. An example from recent times was Owl Houses HunterxWillow, where even though Hunter is bi and Willow is said to be pan, people disregarded their queerness because it was an implied M/F relationship sp people started wank about it being a "straight relationship" and doesn't count. Obviously there are more instances, but Owl house is more recent in my memory and this is long enough.

Ps: I don't care what you label your own relationship. I'm speaking in general terms, and I do not decide or speak for each individual bisexual, or pansexual or w/e. I'm speaking on my observations on how the label "straight" has been used to treat bisexuals and pansexuals as less valid or even completely erase their identity the moment they enter a M/F presenting relationship.

Pps: The first post was just a tired vent, and more of a throwaway thing. Not sure what this is, but I'll try avoid the energy drinks for now.

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pharaohbean · 9 months ago

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Hey, saw your Prsk Unit Shuffle AU and am very interested in seeing more.

In particular, I'm interested in hearing more about how the groups formed. It's always neat to see how these characters first meet and interact under different circumstances. And, as a little bonus, maybe what their "Untitled"/theme song is, because I feel like that's a very key part of a unit's identity that tends to be overlooked.

(Not sure if you're still interested in asks about this AU. If not, sorry for bugging you about it)

GASP HELLO I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY UNIT SHUFFLE AU im so sorry this too forever to get u back on!! schoolwork is a pain and then i went SHOPPING (which takes forever :sob:)

okok so i haven't really thought about all the details of how they get together? so bear with me this is a rough draft lol

SSS: the idea at the core of this group is that its a family with different strengths coming together to make music. so tsukasa is the scriptwriter, saki is the lyricist, toya is the choreographer, and kanade is the composer! the group is headed by tsukasa, who's actually been putting on these shows for all of them since he was a kid. as he got older, he started taking stardom more seriously (leading into canon), but an incident in middle school ended up with the tenmas legally adopting toya, so that definitely shook things up for tsukasa (in a good way!). so i think that (+ l/n not reforming, which does happen in the SSS main story) allowed tsukasa and saki to consider banding their strengths together, since tsukasa loved putting on shows and saki loved seeing them, but she would also help put them on for toya (and later kanade, when she joins them not long after toya does). the two of them very quickly realize that they need more hands, and although recruiting kanade as composer is easy (bc 25ji never forms- dont ask why im still figuring that out lol) toya is a lot harder bc he's still active under BAD DOGS with akito. however, with akito picking up AWR around the same time (+ hatsune freaking miku appearing to toya), toya does join under their choreographer as for their untitled, their song is Wonderland and the Sheep's Song by Hachi, but I worked out their line distributions to this lovely KYO cover! you can see my color-coded lyrics for them here if you're interested :)

R/l: im gonna be 100% honest with you SSS and AWR are the only ones with any semblance of a plot rn LOL but here's the base idea around R/l: mizuki and rui both congregate on the kami school rooftop bc, yknow, loners (mizuki is never reached out to by kanamafu, so not 25ji on their part. tsukasa doesnt end up applying for phoenix so wxs doesn't have a chance of forming). at some point, i imagine they got talking about music, but never did anything concrete. but not long into the main story (probably the very start) an also joins them, her dream of surpassing rad weekend getting weaker as she struggles to find a partner (koha will be explained later) so she goes to hang with her friend on the rooftop. at some point, mizu and an both accidentally enter sekai, where they meet miku and len. those two tell them that there's still two others they need to find because they also made the sekai. mizu and an get.... maybe a little too excited over this. an takes this chance to invite her friend haruka over to kami (so she transfers) and join the group, but in their search for their fourth member they end up accidentally alienating rui (ironic). they fix that tho-- although HOW i dont know lol their untitled was one i went back and forth on (tbh only SSS and AWR i didnt lol), but i eventually decided on Untitled Hymn by shaito! their color-coded lyrics are here (i just realized you can barely tell where an is in lines but ehhh)

ATD: okay so. ATD is the group thats given the most gosh-darn trouble. ive revised their cast motivations like, TWICE now. but basically it goes like this: shizuku and mafuyu are both members of the archery club, with mafuyu trusting shizuku so much that her public mask slips a couple of times (against her will). shizuku's not dumb, but she doesn't say anything bc i think she understands that mafu has her secrets. after shizuku quits being an idol (on more of her own terms), she still wants to find a way to share the light she had before that seemed to reach mafu a few times. enter: accidental sekai trip! this trip both gives shizu the idea for an online group (which could sorta count as MMJ but i think the big distinction is they do more streamer/vtuber stuff and less purely idol stuff?? im still working on that) and lets her see mafu with her mask fully off. eventually, shizu drags nene into the business (nene never attends kami here, workin on that) bc shizu and mafu have no idea how streaming works and nene does, but nene likes hiding behind the camera but is still a part of the group bc who can say no to shizu? and hona joins at shizu's request bc they're both beautification members (and apparently hona+mafu are both honors students so i wonder if they have some overlap?? can you tell ive never attended public school lol) their untitled gave me SO MUCH TROUBLE. because ATD is supposed to be a weird mix of 25ji and mmj? but all of their songs get swiped by either R/l, AWR, or even SSS, so it was hard to find something that i thought could be specifically them. eventually, i finally decided on Common World Domination by PinocchioP! Their color-coded lyrics can be found here :)

MxC: oh boy this one's a doozy. so the idea here is like... there are underground music rings? which sounds wild but like if music is vaguely the lifeblood of this world i DONT CARE it can happen! i don't wanna make it life-threatening tho so its more like... you get blacklisted from everything. which for shiho--who got sucked into this world in an attempt to find bandmates--is VERY BAD. but shiho's given a little bit to find a band before their first performance, but with l/n definitely gone their separate ways (and she never wanted to involve them in the first place) she's kinda stuck. enter: airi and ena! both of them had been watching the music battles, unsatisfied with their current lives (airi having just quit idol/tv work, ena just frustrated over her art), but airi knows shiho thru miya, and when she heard about shiho's impending doom, she resolved herself to very quickly learn guitar and join her group, roping ena (who has a little bit of drum experience from akito and mom) into it as well. meanwhile, while all of this is going on, kohane (being the sweet soul she is) has been trailing shiho out of concern, but then is entirely horrified at the underground battles bc shes still pre-canon meek. but she really wants to help shiho, so she agrees to try and learn keyboard. after clearing the first battle, shiho and her group are safe--for now. they'll have to clear a lot more battles if they want to escape the underground their untitled is Hello Builder by UtsuP since i wanted them to have harsher rock songs than l/n (bordering on metal-ish)! color-coded lyrics here :)

AWR: funny story--all of the above units were made in the order listed! so i got to AWR and... i have ichika, minori, emu, and akito. and im like "NONE OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON". and then i went. "WAIT. THATS IT!" so here's how AWR goes: ichika still tries to reform l/n, but fails; minori is still trying to become an idol; and emu is still trying to revive the wonder stage. all three of them, all attending miya ofc, end up bonding over this and they start thinking. is there a way to satisfy all three of their dreams (band, idol, and show) at once? and at FIRST the answer is "no lol" so they go exploring. and somehow someway (workin on that) word finds out about this and some guy on vivid street dares akito to try and fix em into shape in a week. akito--being akito--accepts quite hotheadedly, then quickly realizes that maybe this wasnt a good idea?? because EVERYONE has a different music taste and its almost impossible to keep up with them all!!! but eventually they do figure it all out, and by the end none of them wanted to split apart or anything. AWR is i think the group that has the least amount of direction which might be on purpose. i think (again im rambling rn so) part of their story is figuring out what their direction is going to be! their untitled is Lip Sync by DECO*27, written as a part of holo*27 (hi no im not rlly into vtubers i just like their music) but i count it bc its written by a voca producer and this would not be the first time a non-vocaloid sung a unit song (cough cough mafumafu and tuyu). you CAN find my color-coded lyrics here.... but i did the translations. which means they're pretty much 98% google translated then bonked around to make sense. i dont know japanese please dont sue me

i hope you enjoy my indepth explanation!!! im always happy to talk about these guys :D

#zero thoughts #unit shuffle au #zero shuffle sss #zero shuffle r/l #zero shuffle atd #zero shuffle mxc #zero shuffle awr #project sekai #proseka #pjsk #prsk

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monards · 1 year ago

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hi snuggle muffin

so you said Alicia is mysterious right now but like..how?? i played the game and this bitch is just kinda open. like,, dead gf, mean, somehow has gray hair. everything kinda checks out so like maybe explain a little more???? also,, what is she to bureaucracy?? bc she seems to not like him very much. oh and, what happened with beargrass and his family? since they were like. rude gazillionares or whatever

hiiii electtra; ilysm fooor this ask because i love the chance to be a little annoyying about my favorite mean women (even though you just made me go through hell with your other one.)

youre absolutely right about her being open, but the thing is that it feels more like the false-openness. Like, realistically,, the player really only knows most this stuff from context clues!! Techincally, she never techincally admitted to having a dead gf, but beaford literally just made a wlw and dried lilys joke and alicia freezed up like a fish out of water. So. You sorta realize.

Also, we really only know tidbits of her motives and stuff, but thats it. theyre only small bits. She has a board in the office about a hotel incident from three years ago; is it just a random story? Is it something she was apart of? Did dried lily girl die in it? What about it ??? ALICIIA PLEASE!!!!!! Plus, her motives to bringing Beaford back on the surface ARE what she says it is. Repay for making Alicia go through that shit because he got possessed by some demon. But also; he's probably one of the first examples of the supernatural ACTUALLY being the supernatural in her experince. And what do we know she is?? Skepticle of the super natural. So seeing a whole ass demon possess this really pathetic college drop out is defiently something Alicia finds horribly important considering shes searching for some proof to the super natural. Because really guys.. do you think Alicia Wilkershire went to her highschool guidance counselor sayng she wanted to be an ordained minister and excorist? Yeah, no. That is NOT how it works!!!!!

Alsoooo, i think her and beaford have both a really complicated and a really simple relationship simultaneously. Because on one hand; they are what they are on the surface. Beaford works for Alicia to pay back for the shit he pulled with that demon possession thing. On the other hand; there's WAY more than that.

Alicia is not a very warm and kind person, by like, any means. She's over six feet tall, spicaze herself described her as mean, and she literally repeteadly kicks at beaford WHILE HES DOWN even after the demon stopped possessing him actively. But shes seen being at least a lot kinder with beaford. She watched that one anime with him not even a month into knowing him (even if she bemoans it, actively) and even went far enough to find a reedeeming quality in it (I.E the fashion) !!!!! She lets him poke fun at him (even though, to be fair, she absolutely decks him everytime he does.) And to be frank; this is not stuff that Alicia do with just any person. We can tell shes awkward with most clients; but even when first meeting beaford, she was way more casual and comofortably speaking then she does with Naomi (who she has to lean back on Beaford to talk to !!!!)

Obviously this doesnt take away fromt he fact Alicia IS still a bit (very) mean to beaford. But it's just. Way different from how she treats others. Which is why I'm very convinced its because Beaford reminds her of dried lily girl; especially consdering the aspect of how they have VERY similar speech traits and personailities in regards to Alicia (Poking fun at her, seeing her differently than others do, etc..) especially consdering the conversation we see in the knife ending where Alicia is (presumably) speaking to dried lily in the after life.

Also. I'm pretty sure its canon that Beaford just up and left without saying anything. His family is obviously very rigid in the fact that theyre all doctors and expect the same from Beaford. Plus considering his shock at seeing the photo of him and sister still in his sisters room-- I can really only presume his home life wasn't really the best. So him just up and leaving isnt too shocking/unwarranted

Anyways I really lvoe these two and i'll probably make a post later about them. Thank you Electra. Your sins have been forgiven.

#BUREAUCRACY. BEARGRASS.#IM CRYING.#thank youuu electraaaa #:3 #alicia wilkershire #beaford lysenworth #alicia & beaford #silver thread spicaze #Gospel of eve spicaze #electra tag

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s-b-party · 2 years ago

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Noctua: Diluc and the Owl

****Possible spoilers ahead!

So who is Diluc? We know him as the owner of Dawn Winery, one of the richest characters in the game, the Darknight Hero, one of the characters who helps us w/ Dvalin, someone from the Ragnvindr clan (one of the prominent families in mondstadt’s history), etc.

Clearly we know him for many various things, but let’s see what else his constellation can tell us about him that might not be so obvious/apparent in the game & how it relates to Diluc, personality, and his lore overall

Let’s start w/ what Noctua is; in Latin, it means “owl” which is very straightforward but that’s not the “complete” meaning. In actuality, there are a couple of ways to say “owl”, if you search up different owls & their full names in Latin, you will find that not every one of them has noctua in their names, some have strix (i.e. tawny owl), others may have bubo (i.e. great horned owl), another may have tyto (i.e. barn owl) instead; so I suppose “owl” is the more generic meaning; Noctua specifically refers to “night owl” which you can see based on how the name looks similar to the word “nocturnal” (being more active at night) and we sometimes use the term “night owl” to refer to someone who is usually up very late when many others are asleep at night, so technically the title of this thread should be something more along the lines of "Noctua: Diluc and the Night Owl"

So how is the night owl related to Diluc? You can actually see some of the similarities in his personality and lifestyle

Quiet, aloof, quick to the point, he is up late at night for the sake of Mondstadt & its safety, very loyal & dedicated to protecting his home; like an owl hunting at night, he comes in quick to accomplish what he needs to do & can disappear just as quickly so that people don’t easily figure out that he is the Darknight Hero of Mondstadt (owls can be terrifying hunters bc their wings are very quiet & their prey usually don’t hear them coming until it’s too late)

Something to point out is how his elemental burst takes the form of a phoenix rather than an owl. Initially this confused me when I started playing the game, but in terms of connections to the constellation, the night owl does make more sense to me since the European phoenix tends to symbolize immortality, resurrection/reincarnation, etc, which doesn’t seem to fit a lot into his lore based on what I’ve seen except for perhaps the part of his life when he was able to accept his trauma and move forward from it. That is one form of rebirth that you could consider, but overall, Noctua seems more relatable to Diluc and his lore & as I’ve said, you can see parts of the night owl play into his personality and lifestyle

It’s also possible that they chose to use a phoenix as opposed to a burning owl to represent his strong resolve or maybe they just thought that a phoenix would be more aesthetically pleasing lol

I don't really know the reason, but I do think that the owl is very fitting for Diluc

So let’s move onto what owls can represent. Usually we think of them as symbols of wisdom and even vigilance (probably bc of their alertness at night); in some cultures, they can represent omens (both good and bad); w/ negative connotations, they can even be signs of death

So does Diluc exhibit any of these traits? One thing to distinguish first is the difference between intelligence and wisdom before we think about whether he does display wisdom because those two traits are not the same. Intelligence is the ability to think logically whereas wisdom is understanding the complexities of life and human nature, which is normally full of contradictions and paradoxes, meaning that it can change all the time.

Diluc is undoubtedly an intelligent man. We see various instances of this. For example, he is one of the few people who are aware of Venti's true identity when he hasn't bluntly stated it in the story. He also found out that Kaeya wasn't really blinded by him bc of all the mentions of “eyes” in his letters (which also did not say that they were written by Kaeya himself).

He is also part of an underground intelligence network and no, I'm not saying that he's intelligent based on the fact that the word “intelligence” is in the name 😂 It is because of what it requires him to do. With a large network, there is bound to be a large amount of information, both useless and useful, passing through. So it would require good judgement on his part to discern what pieces of information may actually mean something.

Basically Diluc can put things together & figure out the truth, so he is intelligent for sure, but is he also wise?

He might not be considered the “wisest” per se, BUT he does have the aura of someone who has his own wisdom and passes advice onto others. I think that we can consider him wise if we think more about how he has changed from his past self when he was lost after the death of his father. He is the type of person who would give good advice because he has learned from his experiences; he KNOWS it is difficult to move on from hard things. He mentions in one of his letters to Kaeya that self-preservation is easy, it’s heading to your goals that is hard

He understands life is rough, he gets how hardships can change ppl (if you’ve seen/read the parts of the manga where Diluc’s history is involved, you’ll know that he was a lot more expressive in the happy department than he is now)

After facing trauma, he struggled but w/ encouragement from Alice & Kaeya & also w/ some time, Diluc learned to move away bit by bit from the painful experience (not forget but to move in spite of it).

His vision story attests to him having learned on his journey & once he grew more mature, he took up his vision again

Going back to the symbolism of the owl, it is easy to see how Diluc is related to vigilance so I don’t think I’ll have to explain my thought for that. Connections to death though is a bit interesting. At first, I hadn’t thought of him as being related to death, but I thought about it again & I can see it now. He can be seen as a sign of death for his enemies (even if not a symbol of death, he’s still bad news/a bad omen for his enemies & “unwanted guests”).

Overall, I think Diluc exhibits the concepts that owls can represent pretty well. The next thing I want to talk about is the theme of dawn which we often see associated with him & how Noctua relates to it.

First impression might be to say that owls & dawn are opposite of each other or contradictory, which is true, but I also think that the two complement each other when we look at Diluc overall.

He is someone who does most of his non-winery duties at night, he wishes to be the light in the night that breaks through the darkness meant to be representing evil & enemies, he’s the owl protecting Mondstadt when people aren’t alert/vigilant at night.

Dawn is defined as the first light that we see in the sky BEFORE the actual sunrise. The day represents the citizens & Mondstadt and he makes it his duty to protect those two up to the point when they both come into full light. He won’t let down his guard in daytime per se, but he knows more people will be awake to protect during that time (although he is still iffy about the Knights of Favonius, which is understandable, but he also knows that overall they do wish to help and not every one of them is incompetent)

I also noticed how Diluc’s outfits fit him so well, his default skin blends very well w/ the night & his Red Dead of Night skin are much like flames that will burn away the darkness

Diluc is a “creature of the night” that remains ever vigilant, striving to protect Mondstadt & the people during the times when they aren’t awake. He is the one who makes sure that he and Mondstadt will make it to see the dawn of another day.

#genshin impact #genshin spoilers #genshin lore #genshin diluc #genshin constellations

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insideoreoshack · 2 days ago

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11.28.2024

idk how to feel this thanksgiving

i mean the day is almost over but i cant shake the feelings im having. im so thankful for so much but small things with carriema bother me so bad. i dont know how to fix this relationship it shakes me so bad and i just wanna cry because i just feel like a bad sister and bad person whos embarrassed by their sibling and i dont know asking her to change is maybe too much i should just be the one to change to just swallow this behavior snd tolerate it thats what my parents say to do

- its a bit later now and im just so tired of thinking and feeling restless the whole thing kinda disoriented me and just drained me i was supposed to write my paper today and do more homework but i just couldnt. sometimes i hate living here bc it just feels like im constantly living in the past and having to hide myself to appease everyone and i dont know if thats the best call to do before my birthday just hide and be independent like not ask anything from anyone and not do anything and just see what happens its not that different from how i usually behave actually so they may not think anything of it but i just wonder sometimes what it would be like to have my own place fully and not live here anymore if that would snap carriema out of it, its absolutely not feasible but still i wonder. sometimes i wonder how she can live with herself and that behavior, how someone could not want to change and better themselves and just watch the people they want to have relationships with hurt and watch how their behavior hurts them, but maybe she doesnt see it. she wont ever actually see how it effects me because im too stubborn to show her because no one has ever really expressed that they care about me or my feelings on most matters because it always goes back to carriema. how do i go to confide in my mom about this and she ends up defending carriema? how do i want to talk about how i feel and my mom tells me that i have a guilty feeling as im expressing a feeling of abandonment and longing for a real sibling relationship? how does it turn into me needing to talk to carriema after my milestone of a birthday that they probably arent even actually thinking about that hard bc now theres small problems with carriema. sometimes i just feel so isolated here and under appreciated for always wanting to do what i can for my parents but i know she takes advantage of that bc she never does anything to help them or express that she cares. i wanted to get them all something for Christmas but it really will just be like 200 dollars and the cream i usually get on amazon for my mom because fuck it. carriema can get coal they dont even know me to get me a gift they would think i would like, in her eyes im still like 9 years old but ive changed and my parents have too, carriemas the only one who hasnt and doesnt want to get help for it. im tired of broken promises from everyone in this house im just so tired of always being the bad guy because i want to grow and search for the best version of myself. i want to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good girlfriend. sometimes im afraid that im too much because of how expressing my actual thoughts to my family and their reactions they say i always sound so angry but i wonder why someone whos frustrated with what they’ve had to tolerate since they were a preteen would sound angry when their trust has been broken countless times. sometimes i just feel so lost, so stagnant and like i just wish i could run and hide away for days at a time from this house, sometimes from everyone. i genuinely think only harry and lexi would notice lmao but im also afraid of depending on them too much. i remember the days i used to wish i was invisible bc of how i felt at home i dunno how sad it is that those feelings resurface from time to time, its like ima ghost here. they care so much about carriema snd actively worry about her i dont know how to feel that they only constantly express how grateful they sre that they dont have to do that with me. my brain feels so jumbled with the thoughts that im pretty just typing a stream pf consciousness to just try and get it all out. i wish i didnt talk to my mom and say anything i should have left it alone and left her alone to be in ignorant bliss because nothing useful came out of it anyway. i was told to just stay out her away so my birthday can go smooth, i just said deal and goodnight. another blind win for carriema and she wouldnt have a clue how her parents advocate for her, i do one stupid thing and im practically in the doghouse but carriema is a spoiled brat who isnt -

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kllrorca · 3 months ago

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TLDR;

- Hai!!!! I'm Orca also now known as Mylo (bc the name is pretty and i wanna feel pretty :3) I'm an alter who's LITERALLY our host but I also have some fictionkins I'll need to regulate later on umm!!!!

- I age with the body and rn, we are 17 :3 I DON'T HAVE A DNI (beside the basic one!!) I'm just existing ^_^ I USE THEY/THEM!!!!!!!!

- I CAN'T FOLLOW BACK!! This is a side blog and even tho host doesn't use tumblr to post, ik he wouldn't want any proshippers in his following so I'm gna respect that :3 (feel free to follow me anywhere else that DOESN'T connect this type of stuff)

- I AM A PROSHIPPER AND PROFIC(??! I need to search more about it but it seems fun :3)

Tsdr [Too short didn't read];

ITS ME!!! - KllrOrca :3

— Mylo/Orca ; Minor ; They/Them ; Headmate

- SIDE BLOG. Other socials will be put later!

- I'm usually fronting, if I'm not fronting u have the permission to ask about me!! The host might not respond but sooner or later I will instead :3

- I am a proshipper & Profic, I'm still getting used to being public about it so I'll put emojis down at some point!!!

- We are bodily Black & Puerto Rican :3 I WILL make jokes eluding to racism and slavery with friends, its something I picked up and will NOT let go!!! If that makes u uncomfortable just tell me ^_^

— Activity Varies depending on how much people perceive me ^_^ If you dont perceive me I won't be on for long, since I'll be bored!

- I USE MY HOSTS ARTSTYLE THAT SEEMS EASY TO USE!! I don't want to hurt my hands OR make others think my host is a proshipper when he's not 😞 I wanna get in drama for ME not him srry

- Everyone has full permission to draw my sona and use my sona in anything EVEN hate drawings :3 I love everything!!!! Give it to meee ^q^

— I'M NOT EXACTLY AGENDER BUT I DON'T EXACTLY HAVE A GENDER EITHER!! I guess I AM agender but on a more feminine + masculine side without the neutral ??? I don't really care :3

- My sexuality is... idk!! I haven't thought about it

- I AM APART OF THE LGBT THOUFH!! I KNOW THAT :3 Idk if I'm pan, i don't think so and besides; I wanna be myself !!!

- ANY AGE CAN INTERACT WITH ME BUT DON'T BLAME ME FOR ANYTHING I AGE RESTRICTED!!

— HAI thw main blog to get to any OTHER blog IS strictly [ANTI PROSHIPPERS] + variations, so I can't send it here :3 incase any anti proshippers want it to date back to my host (who rlly just wants me to stop bothering him about everything) then dm me and I'll send it!!! idm ^w^

- I'll make a carrd/rentry/strawpage at some point :3 maybe :3 idk .. maybe I shouldn't but also Should once I have all my socials ready

MY BOUNDARIES [IK, SHOCKING!!]

— I don't have a dni (beside the basic one!!) :3 You can interact with me idc! Even if its for arguing! One thing I ask though is that u DON'T attempt to dox me, bc at the end of the day I can just stop fronting snd you'll be doxxing an innocent person instead who got so tired of hearing me yap and yap!!

- I won't be doing the time, my host will :3 and it'll only traumatize us more!!! Don't be stupid :D

- ACTUALLY don't harass ANYBODY!!!! u can Harass ME but don't harass anyone else PLEASE!!!! I won't like talking to u otherwise sorry

— JUST BECAUSE I'M AN ALTER DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SYSTEM! Talk to me for me pls :3

- I DON'T CARE ABOUT SYSCOURSE UR ALL PEOPLE AT THE END OF THE DAY and I want people to talk to me ^_^ Talk to me Rachel...!! /ref

- IF YOU feel uncomfortable talking to me since im an alter (confusing but wtvr) DON'T FEEL FORCED TO INTERACT if I interact first :3

- Ai generators can kiss my ass also btw I don't like Ai but i can like the person typing the prompt in the computer if ur cool !!!!

MYYYY Final notes :3

— ANY ANON EMOJIS ARE WELCOMED TO ASK FOR A SPOT HERE OR A SPECIAL TAG :3 U can dm me and ask me abt things idm!! I have the mindset of NOT SENDING HARASSMENT OR hating on people who haven't done anything :3

- u can request me art from me :3 but know thay sending nsfw to minors IS illegal so I can't do nsfw!! sexual nsfw!

#KLLRORCA

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zeenbean · 3 months ago

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yapping about school, again

a lot as happened since my last ranty post, like that i have gotten B on my final grade from english(as a secondary language) but nobody really follows this blog so much so they would actually know what am i talking about.

in multiple posts ive been whining about my secondary laungage english teacher bcs shes dumb af and doesnt even know english past average 9yo vocabulary(except the slang💀) so when i use my fancy fancy worlds on her(telling her that taking drgs is NOT silly) she ofc gets mad. and that is, how she made my final grade from exact 9 marks from the second semester. 2 of them were group activities(two A`s), 5 quick tests(one A, one B& three Ds) and the rest unit reviews(one A and one B, but the b was my falut bcs im not gonna remember in front of what words u put the, a or nothing. but that were the weird ones like i dunno i cant remember bcs the only ones i remember are the ones that are obvious ones help) im a person who to function needs to have EVERYTHING planned. also when the teachers are all extremely chaotic i cant focus when i have to sit in place where i dont normally sit(i sit there for four years there, last place on the left but idk how other classrooms are build so it differs) its even worse. like this btch will be like so okey i know i said were gonna write the test tomorrow but i dont feel like it so were gonna do it today and than theres me who had planned to study today afternoon bcs it works for this types of tests best for me, also i had to practice on my saxophone yesterday bcs i ALSO had some MORE IMPORTANT EXAMS so now the whole thing is messed up & i have the saxophone exam today but im gonna be stressed form this test and it will completely ruin my day and maybe even a week.

im gonna browse more on the school system in hour school bcs its really messed up. like i wanted to transfer for this year but some therapist-not-therapist who is payed by the school told my mum that that is a not good idea bcs "every school has its dark side" yes. i know. but i asked my friend a simple question. "do your teacher provide materials from the lessons ex. presentations" and she was like EVERY TEACHER DOES THAT. HEAVEN ON EARTH.

like yeah only three from 20+ teachers does that in our school. and were really small school, only one building, the friends school has SIX.

it kinda is related to this and its really me problem but i struggle to keep writing notes in class. like one time i couldnt even get myself to hold the pencil bcs i had a bit dirty notebook(my bottle cracked and everything got wet and as it dried i had stains. so i couldnt write notes in the name notebook but i didnt wanted to buy a new one so i just wrote it who knows where and i was always loosing it. but i feel that the whole idea of notes doest suit me and some other people. i can pay attention, can write it dow beautifully like when i want to i can have the best looking notes in class but WHAT FOR. like it genuinely doesnt help me a bit. i can rewrite it like with the blurting technique but i still forget everything the next hour. and that isnt even with notes, thats with textbooks, some like non fiction books(i love books about like space or sum but i remember shit. like i can remember that on the page five there was this "in some insignificant galaxy(milky way) in some insignificant arm of the galaxy(orion arm)(btw i had to search it up bcs i dont know the exact term in english and it hurts my soul that there in the recommended questions there was "are we in the milky way rn)were rotating around some insignificant star(the sun) and living on some insignificant planet(the earth)" but i dont remember ANYTHING ELSE. LIKE THIS RANDOM THING BUT NOT THE REST OF THE A LOT MORE SIGNIFICANT THINGS?(if anyone recognizes the quote pls don judge me im halp asleep)

okey im not gonna get mad by my inability to absorb information

than when the teacher doesnt even want to help me by giving me like the presentation or like the book where they take these exercises from than its har to be motivated to learn and like in some cases even not able to properly learn the things. i have a friend(that one who i asked about her school) who i literally wish i had her brain bcs were on about the same level of inteligence but she can absorb information like a average human being. like pls help me.

but back to the teacher, there is this one who is really weird, he doesnt really like me but when you email him about anything related to geography he will explain, give sources and you can always ask for like a graded presentation(kinda rare there for someone to give you request presentation). thank you for being the most insufferable person on the whole school but who somehow does his job.

i shouldn't even talk about our principal who is like the embodiment of satan and god of gaslighting in one if someone like that exists. bro will be like "were the BEST school in town!" and than hires a known person who hase fake degrees and has been accused of being predatory towards students. like bro pick i side.(fun fact i one time i got so mad that i went to his facebook under a fake name and started to like spit some real good arguments under his homophobic and transphobic posts and one time i got extra silly and made a bit personal joke and he blocked me💔)

like im so so so much sorry for his ELEVEN FREAKING KIDS and especially the girls bcs he said(in a very insignificant physics lesson) that theyre mistakes. bro how can you be so fucking disgusting towards your own children that you sometimes even bring to school. in front of the whole class.

hey so this is probably it bcs im getting more and more tired and tomorrow i have to wake up really early

also i know my spelling here is completely diabolical but who cares int the internet does anybody here seen th post about how bad english technically doesnt exist? think of that now

#rant #my post #school #school system #teacher(omg why only tag is student x teacher oh i forgot im on tumblr.)#high school #teaching #experiences #life #life ig #help what am i tagging #school problems #school posting #english teacher #whining

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chanakakamal · 1 year ago

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There is a Background Era of Archaeology?

Archaeology was not born overnight. Maybe the term 'archaeology' was born overnight, but what we refer to by that was not. It emerged gradually over hundreds of years. But not many of us know it. And that is why most of the time we miss out on the background era of archaeology. Confusing right?

Here is the thing: if you look into the definition of archaeology it says, "archaeology is the study of past human culture, behaviour, and cognition through material remains left from the past". Then, if you look into the origin of the definition, it's just in 1980s. Then, If we look into the origin of the term archaeology, we might find a year or probably a hundred-year time span. But that is not the origin of archaeology. Archaeology's history goes beyond the origin of the term archaeology. So, the history of archaeology consists of four phases. The first phase is the background era of archaeology. The second phase is the archaeology of the Renaissance era. The third and fourth phases are the 19th and 20th centuries' archaeology, respectively.

Well, before you ask, there is no clear line between these four phases, but only some unique characteristics. And sometimes, we talk about the 18th century as a separate phase of the history of archaeology. Since the Renaissance was the driving force behind most of the events and developments that occurred in the 1700s, I thought of talking about them along with the Renaissance itself. However, in this blog, let's dive into the background era of archaeology.

Introduction to the Background Era of Archaeology

The first age of the history of archaeology is the background era of archaeology. And that was the era when humans first examined their own past. There seemed to be two reasons for humans to be concerned about their past, such as:

curiosity about the past

curiosity about the monuments and material remains that they did not know who created

Curiosity about the past is a human trait. As an intelligent species, mankind wonders about its past. So did the people who lived in this background era of the history of archaeology.

Also, they had seen the monuments and other material remains that they did not create. That alone could have triggered curiosity about their past. However, they seemed curious about those monuments and other material remains they found.

Key Features of the Background Era of Archaeology

There are two key features of this era that we can easily determine.

Folklore relating to the past and material remains of the past

Elites who actively engaged in the search for the past and the material remains of the past

Driven by the curiosity of the material remains they found, the people in this era and their ancestors created legends, myths, and stories. That folklore culture was constructed around those physical remains and around the people they thought built them in the first place. This folklore culture has passed from generation to generation, growing bigger.

With the capability the elite held in this era to afford to engage in quests in search of the lost cities buried or hidden that were ascribed in the legends, they actively engaged. Unlike the general public, who were limited to the stories, they took a step forward to explore.

Both of these characteristics in this era show the interest people had in the past and their engagement with it. The idea of material remains left from the past holding the stories of the past was there.

Key Events in the Background Era of the History of Archaeology

The background era of archaeology was not only an era when people showed interest in the past or in the material remains that were left from the past. As mentioned above, the elites actively engage in satisfying themselves with their desire to reveal the past. Here are the most significant key events that happened during this era and are significant in the history of archaeology:

Paraoh's excavation of Spinx in the 2nd millennium BC

The first excavation in history is considered to have happened during the new kingdom era in Egypt (ca. 1660–1070 BCE), when the pharaoh excavated and reconstructed the sphinx, which was originally built during the old kingdom (ca. 2575–2134 BCE). Here, the need for ensuring the lifespan of material remains from the past can be seen. That showed an early form of preservation and conservation that is present in modern archaeology.

Nabonidus's Excavation and Interpretation in the 6th Century BC

Since there are no written records other than archaeological evidence of above event, the first ever recorded excavation is considered to have been done by Nabonidus, the last king of Babylon (555–539 BCE). He excavated and unearthed the stone foundation of a building dedicated to Naram-Sin, who was a royal in the Akkadian order. Nabonidus even dated the unearthed monument, though the dates were inaccurate by 1500 years.

So, here, excavating material remnants that come from the past and giving interpretations based on the excavation results were evident. Those interpretations were simple conclusions they reached after searching. This was the first ever practical involvement done regarding the history of humankind and the monuments inherent in the past in the documented history. In other words, it was the first documented incident of researching first and then interpreting inherent material from the past.

Thicydides's Interpretations of Delos Island Burials in the 5th Century BC

In the Classical Greek era, a historian named Thucydides, who lived in Greece (460–400 BC), identified some monuments in the Delos islands as burials and presumed that those burials belonged to an ethnic population called ‘Carians’. This was the first incident in history in which a historian, a person who specialised in studying humanity’s past, studied the material remains and constructed a simple interpretation.

Romans' Involvement with Antiquities in the 1st Century BC to the 5th Century AD

Then, during the Roman Empire (31 BC–476 AD), Europeans introduced the term ‘antiquities to refer to the monuments and other material remains inherent in the past. Antiquity is a word that gives the meaning of ‘ancient’. And, most importantly, they not only recognised material remains as antiquities but also conserved and exhibited them.

Conclusion

As described, it is evident that mankind from ancient times to the 15th century AD was curious and passionate about their past and the monuments inherent in it. Apparently, the monuments inherent in the past have been appealing enough for people to study the past. Clearly, this led to the gradual emergence of practises and trends during the period. One significant practise introduced was identifying monuments and other material remains inherent in the past as antiquities. The trend of Constructing folk stories connecting the antiquities to the ancestors who lived in the past was a significant feature. Similarly, looking for antiquities in order to investigate them and their legends was a prominent feature of this era. Furthermore, unearthing, collecting, and then exhibiting antiquities was popular during this time period.

By the end of this era, common practises of searching for, unearthing, collecting, and displaying antiquities were more for aesthetic purposes than for historical research. However, even though a specific discipline did not develop, the basic concept for such a discipline was developed during this era. Hence, this era is termed ‘the conceptual age of studying the past’. Because the concept of studying the past was there. Therefore, this era is the first era of the history of Archaeology; the first era of the development of archaeology. The European Renaissance succeeded this era. The Renaissance era marked the second phase of the history of archaeology, taking the concept of studying the past to the next level.

Originally posted on: kamalsjournal.com

#archaeoblr #archaeologist #archaeology #archaeology for all #archaeology student #history of archaeology #origin of archaeology #background era of archaeology #archaeology for beginners #archaeology made simple #archaeology made easy #kamalsjournal #chanakakamal #sharing knowledge #empowering curiosity #inspiring understanding

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ackermans-freedom-inc · 3 years ago

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sorry if this is lame buttt a puzzle date with armin? or maybe just a bunch of different puzzle stuff Like word search, or crosswords and stuff maybe we get a little competitive and what not Sorry if this is too lame tho yikes

Y'ALL. *toots horn* I just wanna say that I have a special guest who VERY VERY kindly wrote this prompt! I hope the original requester doesn't mind! You are in for a TREAT bc @anlian-aishang is a genius with a very wrinkly brain. I on the other hand, am HORRIBLE at puzzles bc I am too impatient @@ so I apologize for failing you, dear anon who requested this date. BUT WTHOUT FURTHER ADO. Please enjoy.

tags: Armin x reader, fluff, food mention, modern AU!

Written by @anlian-aishang <3

Puzzle my Heart

Two busy students you both were. Study jams this night. Extracurriculars that night. Lives that were overtaken by school - and you supposed it made perfect sense - that college was where you found each other. Midterms brought you both to the library, to that same fated table where only textbooks separated you. Ever since then, as your grades thrived, your relationship did as well. A campus made the background to your love story.

But it was now winter break. And suddenly, the grind had screeched to a halt - not in your relationship, but in activity. Staying in pajamas all day, no need to leave the house, television droning on until nightfall when you would go to bed and do it all again. At first, the reprieve was nice, but after this many days - it was almost boring?

Armin strove to change that today. Leather knapsack slung over his shoulder, box of chocolates in one hand, knocking on your door with the other. Jolted up from your nap, you ran to the door, flannel pants ruffled with your jog, slippers sifting on the wooden floor.

“A-Armin!?” You stammered, “You - You...? What are you doing here?”

At your frenzy, he chuckled. “Nice to see you too.” Stepping into your place, knocking his shoes of snow, his gaze kindred, “Sorry for showing up unannounced, I just realized, it’s been far too long since we’ve had a date.”

“B-But, you were over yesterday?” We watched reruns and ordered delivery, didn’t we? Err… Was that yesterday?

“Yeah, well…” Armin brought his hand to his nape and displayed a bashful grin, “I was thinking about it, and I think that - to qualify as a date - I am required to change out of my sweats and run a comb through my hair at least.”

A hand on your hip, brows knit, you teased, “And you didn’t think to text me?”

Armin gave a mild, knowing smile, “There was no need.”

Lips parted but speechless. Hands curled to your old wrinkled t-shirt and looked to him, embarrassed, Does that mean I need to change out of my sweats and run a comb through my hair?

Blue eyes glimmered. Like I said, “No need.”

You did anyways.

And it was only your apartment, only a random Sunday, but he had been right: for the first time in a long time, you were on a date again. Chocolates and crosswords. Record player and word searches. Not only doing your best to make a good time, but an added level of competition as you also aimed to beat the other. Using your minds as actively as you had for all the previous semesters you spent together.

Just like your brain felt that familiar feeling, you realized your heart did too. Golden locks shimmering in the sun. Slender fingers and a particular hold of his pencil. Eyes narrowed and attention deliberate on the puzzles in front of him, every so often, they would sneak a peek at you.

And just like you, he felt his heart aflutter, its pace racing again. The rapid descent of your gaze down the page, curiosity brimming. The love of learning. The thrill of studying a page. He felt it within - how he had really found someone who saw the world the way he did. Finally, there was someone that enjoyed his company as much as he did theirs. At last, found someone who could make the hours pass like minutes.

“We should do this again!” You snapped your gaze to him, enthusiasm sparkling in your eyes, “Armin! What do you think? Tomorrow?”

Armin nodded, gleaming, Today and tomorrow and forever after that.

#armin x reader #armin fluff #armin x reader fluff #aot x reader #snk x reader #aot x reader fluff #snk x reader fluff #aot fluff #snk fluff #alias's #anlian writes #IM USING UR TAGS DONT MIND ME #suz loves anlian #there a new tag heh #Date Night Event 2021

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comrade-heather · 3 years ago

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I Did Some Super Scientific Data Analysis to Determine Which of these Shows is *Statistically* the Most Niche

why these shows? bc they’re ones that I like that I thought might actually have a chance of being the most niche. want me to analyze a show or include a new metric? Let me know!

Methodology

Spotify Listens (average): How many people are listening?

I consider this to be the most important metric, since it shows interest beyond just hardcore fans interacting with fandom content or hyper-focused broadway metrics (ie BroadwayWorld and show runs). Some outliers were excluded (ie short tracks where Spotify has faulty tracking of listens).

Spotify Listens (most popular): Does this show have at least one song that is known beyond the show itself?

Some shows have a song that’s well-known in the theatre community, outside of the context of the show. I consider this to raise name recognition of the show, thus making it less “niche”

Ao3 Fics: Are fans interacting with the show?

This is the easiest way to measure total fandom output. For shows based on previous media, strictly the musical fandom was counted

Tumblr Posts (last 3 weeks): Is there an active fandom?

I did a basic search to try to estimate the total volume of posts about each show in the month of Feb so far. Tumblr is the main gathering place for most of these fandoms, plus this also captures how relevant the fandom is currently.

BroadwayWorld Articles: How much press has the show gotten?

This turned out to be a less useful metric than I’d hoped, and as such it’s weighted pretty lightly. Shows that ran on Broadway (as opposed to off-broadway) in the last 5-10 years got more press than those that didn’t. Go figure.

Number of Performances of the “Highest” Level Run: Did the show do well with a general audience? Did it stick around?

Again, this is an imperfect metric. Broadway is a wild industry, and general interest doesn’t perfectly correlate with length of run (see: Be More Chill’s Broadway run). And Carrie’s swing-and-miss Broadway run arguably makes it more famous. Weighted lightly.

Least Niche: Bonnie & Clyde (21 points)

I think we have Jeremy Jordan to thank for this one. Bonnie & Clyde far and away has the most Spotify listens, and it’s got mild fandom engagement on Ao3 and Tumblr.

Bare: A Pop Opera (20 points)

Bare wins the award for most dedicated fandom on this list! Combine Tumblr and Ao3 activity with solid streaming numbers and Bare takes second-to-least niche.

Bandstand (20 points)

What Bandstand lacks in Spotify listens and a Tumblr fandom it makes up for with plenty of gay fanfic and a decent 2017 Broadway run. It got pretty good press and even won a Tony (although we all know it deserved more). If you know anything from this show, it’s “Love Will Come and Find Me Again.”

Assassins (19 points)

note: I included both cast albums in the Spotify listens stat

A solid Sondheim bop that’s gotten some interest recently for its 2021 Off-Broadway revival. Major points for the existence of “Unworthy of Your Love,” which is by far the most popular song even without counting the Ben Platt cover.

Carrie (16 points)

Wins the award for "notable for sucking ass at the beginning.” There’s very little Carrie content relating to the musical specifically, and it’s dwarfed by online interest in the book and its movie adaptation. Notables from the cast album are “The World According to Chris” and “You Shine.”

Amélie (14 points)

Starring the lovely Phillipa Soo, Amélie has decent Spotify hits, and renewed interest due to the increasing popularity of the West End production. Major points for “Times are Hard for Dreamers” (which tbh is singlehandedly inflating the Spotify stats)

Most Niche: In Transit (6 points)

I can now back up my opinion with evidence that In Transit is very underrated. Written by Kristen Anderson-Lopez of Frozen fame, it’s the first acapella musical to run on Broadway (which it did for quite awhile, by this list’s standards) This could maybe be a reason why the cast recording has very few listens, and as a result there’s basically no fandom.

TLDR: you should listen to In Transit, the Bare fandom is awesome, and lmk if you have suggestions to expand this data!

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4dtk · 3 years ago

Text

anon: “hewoo !! umm can you make nct ideal type like age , apperance , height , cute or sexy etc 🌬️” let’s fuckin GOOOO. i’ll be using gender neutral terms for this! please tell me if i used she/her for any part as i’m more used to writing for fem readers!

sorry this took like almost a week i’ve been really busy lately, i apologise! under a cut because its so long lol

disclaimer: tons of “i feel”s and “i think”s; plus, this is just my headcanons of the boys! remember that all of you are beautiful and lovely and special in ur own way!! <3

TAEIL

i feel like taeil would want someone closer to his age (+/-), unless,,, UNLESS he finds someone he really clicks with (like haechan for eg) if they’re at a younger age

if he really does then taeil will 100% make the effort

ngl taeil would love a person taller than him, would worship the shit outta them

if he gets teased for being shorter he doesnt care LMAO this man will have his hand around your middle and eye the other person mockingly

would love when you own your appearance with confidence, he likes to be by your side to admire how comfortable you feel in your skin

see him being a more traditional man by dating a korean person, but if he’s attracted to someone not of his race, i can see him making the effort

appearance? maybe someone who cleans up well, in a sense who’s a bit proper in their hygiene and like hair or accessories ig. he doesn’t mind what you wear tho, personally leaning more towards the comfy styles of cardigans and baggy clothes.

JOHNNY

either wants someone younger or older… i’m leaning more towards a younger s/o though bc he naturally has a “taking care” kinda vibe, and it’s sweet to see since he naturally takes care of the younger members like mark and haechan

wants to SMOTHER his s/o so i also think he’d want someone shorter than him. the man is a fucking skyscraper lawd

generally likes to give love A LOT since he’s an only child and wants to share that affection with someone who aren’t his parents or the members

but, but, like taeil, i see him really liking being held by his s/o, not just in a small spoon but laying on your chest, lying in between your legs with his head on ur tummy… so cute

i feel like johnny wouldn’t care much for appearance, nor your race since he kinda has the freedom to engage in english conversation. likes a cutesy positive vibe that can share the positivity and happiness he radiates normally!!

TAEYONG

feel like he would go for someone a tad bit older than he is, bc he likes to be taken care of

looking over the members can become really tiring and he needs some sort of solace to relax in

honestly if you’re younger too, he wouldn’t mind, he just needs to be babied LOL

likes tall people… ngl…

would like someone more in tune with their emotion and just not afraid to speak their mind? he likes confidence tbh

can see him going for a foreign person if he’s really passionate about them, would learn english/your native language

taeyong likes a person that likes their outfits and doesn’t care what you wear out as long as you feel comfortable in it

would prefer more of a calm s/o, but easy-going and fun when they want to be

YUTA

doesnt really care for age tbh. if you’re able to bring him happiness and love him he doesn’t mind whether you’re older or younger

shorter 100%. wants to hold you very much, big spoon, the one holding you in the relationship

would go for a foreign person, but honestly, would want someone he can speak japanese with too. even he has shotaro now, he wants like just a closer person to confide in and also just share lil cute inside jokes with <3

yuta just wants his s/o to be themselves. just. yes. (i mean unless your personality is shit but he doesnt want someone to put on a front with him)

although he also likes cute people… he just wants to pamper u and make u feel like you’re the only one

KUN

goddamn, six kids plus three pets? this man is hanging on by a thread, but he would like a younger and shorter s/o

what’s one more right?

also naturally has the taking care vibes like johnny, but there’s just something so… dom… about him AHASHFHEHR

would lean more toward a chinese- or korean-speaking s/o but

doesn’t mind a foreign s/o IF they make the effort. he would if he knows you would too.

kun is lowkey energetic tbh and would want someone who can read the room of whether he’s comfy enough to let loose and remain the ‘parental’ figure

cute people i think will attract him, but oh my gosh when you’re self-assured? WHEW he really likes that, how you’re uncaring of people’s opinions regarding your appearance or personality

DOYOUNG

doesn’t mind older or younger or the same age, although i seem him gravitating toward an older s/o

this man is also 100% stressed. needs to be held, there’s a balance though in your relationship of who holds who though

would stay dating a korean/korean-speaking person i feel. not saying he wouldn’t make the effort but he takes his idol life very seriously and the outcomes if he were to get together with someone who doesnt speak his native tongue

he would want someone proper, like taeil, and would prefer his s/o to be cute and stuff

doyoung needs to know what you want though, so you’ll need to be sure of your choices basically

would like it more if his s/o was calm and just collected bc like taeyong, he needs a haven to relax in when he’s done for the day or when he needs to recharge

TEN

same age or older s/o !!! wants to be taken care of, this man also has a lot of love to give, altho they’re towards selective people like his members, pets, you

would gravitate towards tall people i feel

you need to love leon and louis. period. bella is a hot second.

ten would want an s/o who supports him wholeheartedly, seeing as he has so many talents that sometimes he gets caught up in showing talent for his idol life as opposed to creating things for himself. it’s easy to get lost in the pressure of the media to put out content that he feels is half- assed.

ten knows of his worth, but sometimes he just needs a bit of confirmation and support from the right people to truly create and post what he wants to

he would date a partner who doesn’t speak korean/chinese. he has english and thai and basic japanese baby!!! but yea, he def wouldn’t mind a foreign partner AND would go search up on resources to learn your native tongue!

another person who doesn’t care about how you dress. nor how you look as long as you’re being yourself!

JAEHYUN

oh, younger definitely and a shorter s/o

definitely doesn’t mind an english speaking s/o, although he would prefer someone who can speak korean as well. with s/o’s of other languages, he wouldn’t mind learning your language, although give him some time

the language barrier will be a bit awkward a first tho, but if you know minimal english, i think that’s more than enough for jaehyun to at least steer the convo!

jaehyun is the guy to always give me first love, love from high school vibes so he’s usually the one to embrace you, but LOVES it when you’re the one to initiate contact and affection

jaehyun knows he’s good looking, but he does want an s/o who loves him for who he is, who sees all his good traits as equal to his looks. he would also like an s/o who has a live in the moment mindset, bc he spends a lot of time in his idol life, that a carefree s/o to take him away from the stress of idol life would really help

a sucker for a cute style ngl, pastels and clips in your hair and stuff.

WINWIN

wouldn’t mind someone a tad bit older, although i can see him with a younger person/same aged person too

shorter s/o!

sicheng wouldn’t care much for appearance, but he likes it when his s/o is confident, or in general confidence attracts him like the other guys in this post. that confidence would allow for him to be ‘guided’ in the relationship

would lean more towards a chinese/korean speaking person, but would try forming a r/s with someone of a different race to see how the language barrier would work

someone who is respectful of his space 100%. winwin wants someone who knows their boundaries in a context that there’s this sense of “i know when he’s feeling upset and wants to be left alone”, something like unspoken exchanges that the other just understands

sicheng also likes when his s/o is a little playful and cheeky, but not to the extent of the boys. just the right amount of outgoingness i guess haha. he would accommodate a bit of wildness, but sometimes it tires him out so you’ll need to know when to tone it down

JUNGWOO

feel like he would lean to an older s/o, but not necessarily needing to keep him in check because you’d be on the other side entertaining his antics lol

jungwoo uses up a lot of his energy tho, so sometimes he tends to go quiet and just likes to slump in your embrace

when he’s not quiet tho, he’s pretty cheeky in a sneaky kinda way and would want someone to reciprocate that.

jungwoo would also like an s/o who cheers him on a lot. he’s a bit insecure naturally, so he would want someone who doesn’t miss a beat to tell him that he’s doing good that day and would like a random compliment sometimes

would like to be held more than holding someone tbh

he wouldn’t care much for appearance, but does lean more towards cutesy appearances

LUCAS

younger and shorter s/o

would want an s/o to just calm down and rest with at times. sure he likes to have fun with his members and with his partner, but most dates with his partner has him in their arms and usually involves a calm activity

i mentioned this in chenle’s one as well, but the happiness he feels with his members is different from the one he feels with his partner, although lucas’ one is more of a blur where chenle’s a bit more distinct. does this make sense

wouldn’t ask much in an s/o, tbh. even if they’re just doing nothing, as long as lucas know he’s making you happy then he’s content with that. like when you’re smiling and loving him, then that’s all he really needs to be honest

lucas would not mind taking up an r/s with a foreign s/o, although he would have trouble with language barriers. would prefer a chinese/catonese speaking partner bc then he’s able to practise his dialect. he’d have a korean-speaking s/o too, although he sometimes stumbles over his korean a teeny bit

would love a cute style definitely!!!

MARK

same age, probably. he would feel more comfortable in terms of affection and conversation i feel!

equal amount of who holds who, but loves when his s/o initiates and cuddles him first

likes baggy clothes on you tbh, likes to match appearances and styles with you

wouldn’t mind an s/o of any race. he’s dedicated to learning your language if anything, the man likes to learn about new things

mark just wants someone fun to be around who returns his laughter and jokes, kinda like how johnny does

he’s suffered enough from johnny though (“ah, mark! the smell!”) and would probably like it if you defend him instead LOL (sometimes you poke fun tho)

he would also want his s/o to just reciprocate him in terms of laughter and happiness level. mark is always so bubbly that he wants someone to smile at him and laugh with him

XIAOJUN

would like an older s/o ngl, i feel like he would want to be guided as well

doesn’t care if you’re tall or short tbh

but would like an s/o who brings him out of his shell like the members do.

he wants to be able to laugh without trouble around his s/o and let loose. xiaojun sometimes gets annoyed, mostly feigned annoyance, so it would be nice for an s/o to fit in like the members: making fun of his angry face and rolling eyes and then having some light banter

he’s also gonna need an s/o who’s not afraid to pull him back whenever he says out of pocket things. they’re not necessarily harmful just extremely blunt at times that makes you cringe and you have to pull him back to tell him of his comments LOL

xiaojun would... not go into an r/s with a foreign partner i feel, but he will TRY if the conversation is not too awkward, save for like activities and such. like others in this post, he’ll make an effort if he’s committed to you, and only if you’re sure of dating him as well

xiaojun loves a cute style lawd!

HENDERY

same age, younger, older, tbh i don’t think hendery cares that much

he would want a shorter s/o though, i feel

wants a fun and playful s/o, someone who’s just so enjoyable to be around that he sometimes forgets himself and gets lost in the happiness you two give out

he does also want an s/o who can make him shy and basically challenge his personality, but not in a headbutt way where it’s your same two personalities against each other. it’s rather two variations of the same feeling like your playful aura against hendery’s playful aura, which would be honestly quite fun to watch and experience bc you’re just trying to one-up each other

and idk, because he’s talkative quite often, he feels like it would be nice to be the flustered, eyes-wide one for once

hendery in a foreign partner relationship... he would try, but i think he’d be a little intimidated at the languages that he has to have some time to warm up. he would commit and make the effort if he was willing to, though

oversized fits are his shit!!!! he also doesn’t mind seeing you explore with your appearance and style, esp in the goth or rebel kinda style

RENJUN

same age or younger, wouldn’t mind if you were taller since he knows his height is not THAT high

renjun loves for you to hold him though

the cheeky lad wants a laid back s/o, who doesn’t take life so seriously as well and like hendery, would like it if his s/o was a bit goofy and playful

would also want an s/o who’s deep about the universe and stuff, kinda intelligent to debate alien life and what not, he wants to be able to talk to you about anything and keep the conversation going even if you’re talking about something simple and dumb like snacks

i also can’t exactly see renjun go for a foreign s/o, mainly because of the language barrier, but i can see him trying if he’s able to get help from mark hyung and if the situation allows for you to meet frequently

renjun would definitely like a cute style on his s/o, but also would like more flashy or out-of-the-box outfits. as long as you’re comfy then he’s fine

JENO

same age. he likes to be taken care of though, would maybe be a 60/40 split of you taking care vs him taking care of you respectively

i feel like jeno would like a shorter s/o!

cute s/o, maybe matching up to the personality of jaemin since he was his longest friend from before. enthusiastic while he takes the back seat and admires you

while jaemin loses his social battery over time, jeno wouldn’t mind if you were a literal menace like haechan bc he feels that would make the r/s really fun

see him preferring a korean-speaking person. kinda like doyoung but not quite, he’s more careful than serious (?) about his idol life, and he wouldn’t want to take the risk

HAECHAN

same age or older i feel. equal split of who’s the embracer in the relationship though

wouldn’t mind a taller person, although he’d prefer if you were around the same height bc he doesn’t want to be teased by his members lol

i feel like haechan would rlly like y2k outfits on his s/o? a mix of baggy outfits as well as cute ones

his natural outgoing personality allows him to get together with a foreign person i feel, bc he’d suggest things that don’t need talking like bowling or an arcade y’know? he struggles a bit with native languages tho, bc he’s so used to speaking korean

btw please egg him on, he loves it when you do it and also do dumb things with him. he would want someone who doesn’t take life so seriously while also possessing the ability to think deeply i feel, but mostly someone who can keep smiling and strong even through hardships. kinda a happy-go-lucky personality

JAEMIN

younger, i feel. like johnny he has a lot of affection to give like he usually does to jisung…. jisung is grown up alr tho so :”(

loves giving the cuddles, big spoon, etc. he just wants you to feel loved no matter what size you are

he also would love tall people ngl! although sometimes he can’t decide between short and tall people

jaemin would appreciate an affectionate s/o who’s committed to him and also a person who’s just naturally shy i feel

they don’t necessarily need to return the energetic bursts of aegyo or stuff (he’d love it though) and also someone who just enjoys life and the small little things in general

would not mind dating a foreigner, would love to learn about your native language actually!

he likes cutesy appearances i reckon, a bit of oversized styles but overall likes the pastels

YANG YANG

same age or older, likes to be taken care of tbh

yang yang is also someone who doesn’t care if you’re short or tall, and likes you either way :)

does not mind a foreign person, plus he’s moved countries a little and could maybe find solace in the fact that his homes are sometimes not fixed, esp with how many languages he speaks as well

yang yang would want an s/o who lives up to his excitement in jokes and memes. he would feel a bit down if you happen to not understand a joke although he cant blame you, but he would want someone almost identical to him?

create chaos together and then fall asleep together

can see him liking a cute style tbh, and also reaaaaally likes to match outfits with you in your own respective styles

SHOTARO

same age, def.

i think being in nct has made him a little shy as compared to before when he was in a dance crew, so he’d need someone to encourage him while also taking care of him!!

talking to a non japanese- or korean- speaking person might scare him, so he would settle just for that. shotaro wouldn’t mind in a sense if he knows the other person is committed, but the language barrier for the first few dates would be awkward

ooohhh likes it when people are confident definitely, comfortable in their own skin. shotaro is another person i feel would really be attracted to y2k fits

like i said earlier, shotaro just needs a little push, which would help with an outgoing s/o and someone who’s not afraid to try new things. he feeds off your confidence and uses that to boost his!

CHENLE

doesn’t mind an s/o who is the same age or a tad bit older, i’m not sure if i see him with a younger s/o

doesn’t care if you’re tall or short as long as you give him his damn hugs!!!!

outgoing personality? check. he would literally befriend anyone, and wouldn’t mind a foreign s/o who doesn’t speak korean or chinese. with his limited english, he could probably make an outing fun by doing activities together and will learn your language!!

an s/o who can calm him down. chenle uses up his energy a lot and can get worn out and just wants someone to embrace at the end of the day. i wouldn’t say its similar to taeyong who’s sometimes tired from taking care of the members, but rather in a way where it’s a little playful and bubbly in your own little circle.

it’s a different kind of happy that chenle feels with you as opposed to the joy that the members bring him.

chenle also would want someone who’s sure of themselves, more so in personality rather than apperance. he likes all sizes and colours and styles, altho leans more toward the oversized sector

SUNGCHAN

sungchan is bit mischievous, so i feel like he naturally lean towards an s/o who can kinda be the “mother slash partner” of him: either the same age or younger, leaning more toward a same aged s/o

lawd this man is so tall. i think he’d want a shorter partner, sometimes a bit awkward with the affection but overall likes to give it. plus point: he likes to see you struggle wrap your body around his to get all of him in your cuddles

he wants to be able to relate to them and wouldn’t want awkwardness, so i don’t think he would go for a foreign person as of now

sungchan likes someone to have fun with him, ofc he’s aware that he can’t take away all their problems but he would want his s/o to feel relaxed and content around him with his goofy personality

sungchan likes a cutesy style, maybe, BUT i always see him being really drawn to y2k fits!!!

JISUNG

leaning more towards the same age (+/-1). i think a noona would make him shy and a younger s/o would just feel weird to him idk.

this man is also very tall, so probs a shorter s/o,,,,, would not mind if you are tall though!! he just likes to have you in his arms instead of the other way round (so you can’t see his flushed face)

not sure if he’d commit to a r/s that is foreign, but he would try with the help of mark-hyung or something. the reason why he’d take it was because the members would help me, but if not, he wouldn’t take the risk with his idol life at stake.

jisung wants someone who’s self-assured as well, strong in mettle and who has a strong character that helps him build up his drive. seeing you in your element helps him achieve more and he appreciates that you are able to provide him with a source of motivation

jisung likes cute stuff, but he does like oversized fits!

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dodo-begone · 3 years ago

Text

Now Listen Here Sad Bitches - Stop Being Sad

Pairing: Yan!Xisuma x Reader (idk if it's rlly yan tbh)

Request: If you’re up to it can I get yandere nHo hcs? Bc I’m desperate for nHo content, But if you don’t know enough about the nHo boys can you do a continuation of your yandere xisuma fic? bc it was really good👀

Word count: 5k words

Warning: Falling, Depression, Death, Yandere (?)(just a bit posessive/protective at the end), Bit of confusion/memory loss, Mention of Running Away

This is a Part 2 to Ugly Fuckling

If this EVER looks funky or glitched, here's a link to it on Ao3.

_______________________________________________________

A methodical ticking echoes around the room, the only indicator that time was passing. The room was nearly a blinding black, yet a ray of moonlight made its way into the room. From that, you were able to see Xisuma. Without his helmet covering his face, he looked much more welcoming and soft. It wasn’t like he wasn’t soft and welcoming anyways, he just looked so much softer and approachable. A real person - man what were you even thinking?

Mentally shaking off that train of thought, you let your mind wander onto a different topic. Since Xisuma stopped you from following through with your impulsive decision to leave, he hadn’t exactly let you out of his sight. A few of your activities were free from his supervision, but otherwise you were with him.

At first you felt like an absolute bother to him, but his insistence that it was all fine made things better. Minimally better, if you were to speak honestly. It didn’t alleviate your feelings at all. He was being so nice and attentive to you and your needs. And what were you doing with that? You were being the little debbie downer that you are and not getting better. Come on, this was all for you. That meant you had to get better for him since he was putting so much effort into making you get better.

He made you all of your favorite foods, cuddled you any time even a tear fell from your eyes, asked about what was worrying or saddening you and trying to talk you through it to feel better, and so much more. All around it was everything you needed, really it was. Everything was getting better, yet you weren’t.

This had been going on for days, and you were still thinking of leaving. Though technically you did. Maybe the entire server moved with you. Maybe that fact could be ignored. Maybe. Everyone gathered up and went to a new server not too long after your most recent “escape” attempt. You weren’t sure if it was the unsaid yearly move to a new season or what, but it seemed a little too convenient if you thought about it. But thinking was a laborious and bothersome task. So no thoughts - only depression. Yea, that’s how things rolled for you.

The thought of leaving was far from leaving your mind. It was always on the backburner, but became a prominent thought whenever you weren’t with anybody. Especially Xisuma. Voices whispered to feed your insecurities, giving a source for your depression to grow off of. And boy was it growing. Adding in this new move made you question a bit more.

You knew you wanted to leave the server because of how icky, disgusting and disappointing you were, but now you were truly realizing where the issue lay. Wel, you knew before, but it just became more evident. It wasn’t the server itself. The issue lay between you and the hermits. So that feeling of not belonging? Still rather prominent. Even with their fresh new start where everyone had the same resources, said “resources” were nonexistent since everyone started with nothing, it was rather evident you still didn’t belong.

Grian was the only one who didn’t build a “starter house” immediately. That made two hermits you knew who didn’t make a starter house. The two hermits being you and Grian, so that made you feel better. Until you found out the reason he didn’t make a house was because he went to defeat the Ender Dragon and get loot from end cities. Yea that really didn’t make you feel better. And these “starter” builds the others made were no joke. They weren’t even starters, in your opinion. These were whole builds in and of themselves. Like things you’d be building late game, if you even got around to making anything that could compare.

Once again, your mind cemented that you were very alien to this group. Alongside the “new fodder” that you had, which was really recycled thoughts, memories, or insecurities, you started to cry. Stifling your sobs without being able to cover your mouth with your hands is a very hard task. All remaining strength you had went into calming your breath and being as silent as possible. You still allowed the tears to continue their route down your cheeks with no intent to stop them. If you only allow tears to flow with no noise, you can get your emotions out while not bothering Xisuma. A win-win.

Time was illusive, slipping through your hands like sand. One moment you were crying next to Xisuma in bed then a blink later you were waking up in an empty bed. The ever annoying sun was flaunting its energy and jovial beams into the room and blinding you with it. Man, how you envied the sun. It was able to get up every day and do its duty. And not even the duty it was exactly made for. One that it conveniently worked with. A necessity to life.

Still, you layed in bed. Too lethargic to move on your own; there was no will or energy to move. Well, there was one reason; you wanted to search for Xisuma. Where could he have gone off to? He wasn’t in the bed. Somewhere else in the house? Out on a project? Who knows. The likelihood of him being gone was high and that, along with the thoughts, kept you in the bed.

The day passed. Maybe you slept. You were still very tired and very sad, so it really made no difference in the end if you did actually sleep sometime that day since nothing changed. Snuggling into the blankets for warmth and comfort, you awaited for Xisuma’s return. Though you don’t remember him saying that he was going anywhere in particular yesterday. Did he? Memories blurred together and multiple days became one mushed memory. Many memories of him mentioning future projects to you or other things came to mind. How recent were those? Mulling over your memories, you tried to pinpoint when they happened based on some other memories. You referred to them as your “time reference memories”... They had a different name, but the name eludes you. But that was their purpose, so that name shall stay.

Soon a plethora of other memories came to mind as you quickly sorted through them. So they obviously didn’t take place in the same time area-frame thingy as when you joined the Hermitcraft server. That was months ago- clearly off the table. Then did they happen around the time you were building the trash on the server? Also a big no- that’s way too early. Oh dear- all the memories that were popping up were far too early. Crap- think. Think, think, think. Come on, more recent. What about when you tried to leave? Well it happened after that, but much closer.

A flash of memories pass behind your eyes yet you can’t decipher all of them. It was obviously some memories and you could faintly see some things, but it was all a blur of colors. You didn’t have the time for this right now. After you figure this out, you could reminisce on them. Now you had to figure out which memory out of the blob you had was most recent-

Staring at the ceiling did nothing to help. No new spark of memories came up, even with your mind scrambling for any scrap it could get its little grubby hands on. Great- now you were stuck going off of his appearance and what the house looked like during those times. Now the dilemma was “which came first”. Almost every memory took place in the house.

Wait! He didn’t have the diamond armor in all of them! Only two of them had diamond armor involved. Specifically on Xisuma. You didn’t have anything on this new server. Well, compared to him or any other hermit, anyways. To say you were behind or “lagging” was an understatement. Having iron armour isn’t really a flex. Especially when it goes missing. Like who just up and loses armor like that? You do, apparently.

That isn’t the point. Stay focused! So he had armor, what did the house look like? Or anything outside the window?

Finally a lightbulb went off in your mind. Of course! He talked about a fire last time. Yes, you were sure of you. Not sure why but you were very sure of that fact. He mentioned that some gravel on a mountain was on fire and he wasn’t sure why. Then he talked about a building in the next memory… Everything was starting to add up! Oh you felt so smart right now. So good.

So what mountain did he say he was going to? It was a villager hall, right? Or was it the future place for a build… No, villager hall because he mentioned villagers and trading. Obviously not another build. But what if it was? Now you were conflicted because you were so sure but at the same time doubt pranced around your mind obnoxiously. Your anxiety was getting ticked off more.

First the disappearance of Xisuma and now your worries are getting to you? Really, it was the opposite order. More of an Oreo, but that wasn’t important.

Taking a deep breath, you try to get your thoughts under control again. Regain you cool. Alright. If you find Xisuma then you can calm everything else down. That was your biggest worry right now. The longer you didn’t know Xisuma’s location and condition, the worse your mental state became. From there, it was obvious how everything would decline.

All you had to do was go to Xisuma. Right. Go to Xisuma. Who is outside. Out of the bed. Debating on whether or not to leave the comforting confines of the blankets or search for Xisuama was definitely something. It was hard but also wasn’t all at the same time. Because yes, staying in bed and being warm would be amazing. The preferred option. But you were worried about the lack of Xisuma’s presence. That took precedence over comfort.

Grumbling, you slowly start to drag yourself out of bed. More accurately rolling out and only turning to properly get out of bed and onto your feet. Same end result really. Slowly, as to not cause a dizzy spell, you get up and walk toward the door. Said dizzy spell still hits you like a baseball gets hit by a bat, but there was an attempt. Black overtakes your vision for a second before everything goes back to normal. Boy you didn’t miss those pounding headaches with dizzy spells. Damn vertigo.

Shaking your head, you steady yourself for the journey to the outside. It was going to be perilous. Well not really, but your mind tried to come up with the worse case scenarios. Like some Dream SMP members coming for you to drag you back. Or pillagers near or at the front door. Or some other nasty mob. Oh the possibilities were nearly endless. But you had to do this.

Hyping yourself up, you mentally prepare for what you could think of. Aka prepare for something bad like pain. To be fair, pain would be better than a Dream SMP member but pain still hurts.

A noise of annoyance leaves your lips as you once again try to get yourself back on track. You hated how easily distracted you got sometimes. Though it did help in some situations. Admitting to that wouldn’t be too helpful in any regard so back to ignoring it you go.

Soon you’re back on track and continuing your journey. The only thing standing between you and the outside world stared at you. The front door. It wouldn’t be for long. All you had to do was open it and then start the other leg of your journey and- wait.

The door greeted your face with a nice hearty slam as you walked right into it. Confusion was just written all over your face. You grabbed the knob, did you not? Taking a step back, you peer down. Low and behold, you were holding the door knob. Your brows furrowed as you twisted the knob. Nothing happened. Trying with more strength and vigor or whatever might do something? Maybe it’s just stuck. Unlikely but hey! Delusions are much sweeter and easier to swallow. Plus being more violent with an inanimate object makes it work! Usually, anyways. Beat a banana and you get mush so not always. That’s besides the point because the darn door still refused to open. Huffing, you try being a little harder with the door. Though that leads to nothing but you fearing it breaking. One creak escapes the poor door and you’re off of it like a puppy squealed rather than a door.

Anxiety started to bloom in your chest for the uptenth time or whatever. It’s happened a lot and that’s all that matters. Deep breaths. In and out. In and out. It’s just a door. If it breaks it can be replaced. Also it’s a door. It’s probably fine. Though you didn’t exactly want to test that. Who knows when the door is going to just say “nope! I’m done” and just break?

Leaning against the door, you slide to the floor as you think of another plan to leave. The door was locked, right? This is a brand new door we’re talking about. Rust couldn’t have shut it already, right? You were by the sea though so who knew what the salt and water was doing to it. That ruins doors, wood, and mentals, right? If only you were a builder or someone more fluent with stuff like this. Someone who knew how stuff like that worked. Because wow, you were beyond dumb on that subject.

You curl up in defeat. Bringing your knees to your face, you wrap your arms around them to secure them. To feel safer and smaller. Block out the world. All you wanted to do was stay there, just like that. Not that exact position, but you want to feel comforted and safe. A craving for belonging and love. Although something you craved, whenever it was just handed to you or offered, you turned it down. Nobody actually likes you. They just want to use you.

Everyone has used you in the past for something.

Tears started to form in your eyes. As you lift your head from the curl, you take a deep breath. This is annoying, tiring. Crying is useless right now. Nothing is going to be fixed this way.

As you subdued the tears, you looked around the house again. There had to be another exit, right? Maybe. Half of the houses you’ve lived in only had one entrance or exit. The other half either had a secret exit or another doorway. This wasn’t one of the latter, though. It was one of the former; you were only informed of one way to exit or enter the house. Xisuma didn’t mention any emergency escape. Well there weren’t any holes in the house besides that- OH WAIT!

Smacking your forehead, you scramble to your feet and look directly at the closest window. If it had the ability to, it’d probably be sweating out of fear or anxiety. Either or, that window wasn’t going to have a good time. Fortunately for you, though, the window couldn’t judge you. And the window is very easy to climb out of.

Walking closer for inspection, it didn’t seem like it’d be too hard to open. Just flick a latch or two and just lift the bottom. You’re home free after that. The latches weren’t an issue. Grabbing the bottom of the glass, you silently pray that it won’t be as stubborn as the door.

Some deity was feeling nice today because the window opened without much trouble. A little elbow grease but that was a small price to pay. Now started the awkward maneuvering to get outside. This was one thing you didn’t miss from your past.

First a leg, then the other, and slide later, you land ungraceful into the outside world. Either you were going to land on your face or bum and you didn’t want any of that. So instead you did a nice little dance.

Okay so dance would be the fun way of stating it. What happened was you stumbled around for a bit, waving your arms around in a desperate attempt to regain balance. But you get to stay on your feet, so the trade off of your dignity was well worth it. Plus nobody was around to see it.

Once balanced, you were in awe of the builds that were just a wall away. How much has changed since you last came out? How long were you inside? You only remember the comically tall portal and the partial build of the portal tower being around when you came. Besides the starting house and a few other small things, of course. But now there were two completed towers. The dark one was obviously the portal tower because of the color scheme. What was the other than? It was colored like a lighthouse with the red and white bands encompassing it, but you didn’t want to say anything definitely. After all, it was somewhat hard to tell.

The coloration indicated a lighthouse, along with the silhouette, but it looked a bit too artistically done. And when something is artistically done, it could be anything. So you’ll call it tower two! Tower two was rather pretty!

Xisuma wasn’t around though. Right. The mountain wasn't around here, was it? Where was it, anyways? It must’ve been pretty far away.

With the prospects of a long walk ahead of you, your shoulders slump. Dear lord, this was more work than you wanted to go through. Who knows how far it is! But it wasn’t just some walking for fun, it had a purpose.

Gathering your remaining energy and grit, you start the laborious, long, and treacherous journey through the continent for Xisuma. Hiking wasn’t your strong suit and keeping an eye out for Xisuma too? This makes everything so much harder.

You were only able to get off the island and back onto the mainland, where you started to scale the mountain before you heard a ruckus. Progressively, it got louder and more discernible. Yelling. Sounded like words. Gibberish, but it slowly grew clearer.

“Oh my gosh,” danced with the wind by your ears. “Oh no.” A cry of your name, or something really similar. Were those words? Those couldn’t be words, right? Whipping your head around, you see Xisuma running your way frantically. Okay, so those were most definitely words if the scene before you proved anything.

Excited, you start your descent back to the ground. Step by step. Is it step by step when you’re climbing? Your focus is on Xisuma. Pretty much entirely. It really shouldn’t have as you misjudge the next step. In the blink of an eye you went from viewing rock to viewing sky and a scary feeling building in your chest. The feeling grew exponentially and it didn’t take a genius to know what was going on.

A scream ripped its way from your chest as it tightened more. Said scream doesn’t last long for it ended as quickly as it came. No air could move, no noise could come out any more. Air was stuck in your throat, unable to reach your lungs. Fear paralyzed your muscles, eyes shut for there was no difference in the view. Everything was blurred and the black was more welcoming and comforting.

Too fast. Time wasn’t even a consideration. A social construct thrown out the window as soon as your fingers lose contact with the rocks.

The ground had to be near by now. It felt like hours passed now, but at the same time everything seemed to be zipping by.

Contact is made, and you expect it to be the end. You grunt as all remaining air is forced from your body. Another noise came from beneath you. Gasping for air, panic made you feel so cold. Is this what death felt like? No air was coming in and you definitely hit the ground. Were you going to die because you slipped up?

Black was encompassing your vision once again. Frantic attempts to regain air were barely rewarded for your lungs remained mostly empty. Everything still felt paralized, but now your chest felt worse. It hurt so much.

Something was moving beneath you. Pink entered your failing vision. It shifted you around, moving your head and body. More accurately, it moved. Your head was placed on a soft surface while your body was on something else.

Slowly your vision ebbed back to reality. Or you did. Everything still felt wonky. But an axolotl helmet came to greet you. That was a nice thing about your vision clearing, you guessed. Pretty pink axolotl.

“Are you okay,” the axolotl shakily asks. It’s hands were shaking and it sounded masculine.

“Yea,” your voice felt and sounded weird. Very airy, frail, and kinda delirious. You know, the “I don't feel right” type of delirious. Is that delirious? Oh wait you were talking! “Yea i’m good.”

“Are you sure,” the axolotl keeps persisting. It seemed to be looking over you for any injuries. How nice of it! “Double sure? Triple sure? No scrapes? Nothing hurts?”

“I’m absolutely sure,” you assure. Man this was a comfy place and you wanted to stay here longer, but you need to get standing. With shaky arms and legs, you unsteadily get up, stumbling or leaning a bit too much at times. The axolotl panics and helps you to your feet, never letting go afterwards. You thank it for its help and try to walk away, back to Xisuma’s house. Though it assists you, staying by your side as if it were attached with cement.

“You need to stop doing stuff like this,” it begs, leading you by the elbow. “It’s like everytime i’m gone, you purposely go get yourself into trouble, get hurt, or try to leave. I don’t get it. Why do you keep doing it?”

To say you were confused would be an understatement. What’s it even talking about?

Suddenly a thought hits you like lighting and everything starts to line up. This is literally Xisuma. How did you forget that? He changes skins with every new season. Wow you either hit your head, panicked and forgot every important detail ever, or you really needed the oxygen for those brain cells because they finally got what they needed to function.

“Sorry,” you really are sorry. For half of those things, if not almost all of them. If you were simply allowed to go back to the Dream smp in peace, you would be completely fine. Not a bother to the hermits, not a walking hazard to society, and you wouldn’t feel inadequate anymore… Actually that wouldn’t go away no matter where you went or what you did. “I didn’t mean for any of that to happen.”

Xisuma doesn’t reply to your words and you start to panic again. “You weren’t in the house and I got really anxious, okay? I didn’t remember where you said you were going and I just… I needed a hug. I know that sounds stupid or childish, but i wasn’t feeling good. And you said that if I needed something, I'd just have to go to you. Oh who am i kidding, this was the dumbest thing ever. I’m so so sorry for bothering you-” Tears started to well up in your eyes, blurring your vision entirely. You were thankful that you weren’t walking alone while like this. Who knew what else you’d get yourself hurt on.

Not only were your words stopped, but your whole body was too. Jerked back by Xisuma, your teary eyes look directly at his visor which only reflects back your pitiful face. Though you don’t see it for long as you’re pulled into a hug by Xisuma. This only causes you to cry harder.

“Hey hey hey,” Xisuma’s voice is a low murmur, a comforting rumble from his chest. “It’s okay. It’s alright. Did I not tell you where I was going before I left?”

Shaking your head, a tiny “no” escapes you between sobs. Xisuma just hugs you tighter and you snuggle closer. That’s if you can, but you still try.

“Oh i’m so sorry,” he starts to pat and rub your back in a comforting manner, repeatedly apologizing for forgetting to tell you. And other things. Though you can’t exactly tell what they are through your sobbing.

It takes ages for you to calm down. You don’t really have much to go off of, besides the sun. What was once a noon sun glaring down on you was a peaceful sunset over the ocean. When you finish crying, only shaky breaths and tear stains remain to show off the previous crying fit. That and the red eyes.

The sunset is pretty, so you focus on that. Positioning your face to not have it smooshed into Xisuma’s chestplate was a struggle since he was holding you so tightly. But you managed. Soon your face wasn’t full on smooshed into his chest plate, only the side. Your cheek was definitely doing that pancake thing which smooshes out like a flat tire.

Everything’s so peaceful and quiet. Only the waves and sea life disturb it, but it made a great background noise. Xisuma soon adds to everything with some light humming. Rumbling from the chest is so comforting. Why was it such a forgettable yet amazing thing? It felt so nice.

With the humming came some rocking. Going side to side, humming a nonsensical tune. Not long after, you join in as well. Yours was definitely less consistently though, for it was broken up but little giggles. The longer you two went on, the more you giggled.

His arms unwrap themselves and you feel disappointed and saddened by the loss. You needn’t wait for long though, as on both sides of your body, you suddenly feel a tingly sensation. Bursting out into laughter, you try to struggle away from the tickle attack Xisuma has launched on you. But he’s relentless, keeping up with your retreat. It’s only when you’re out of breath, on the ground, and playfully yelling your surrender at him, that he stops.

You two start to calm down again. Laughter slowly ebbed away to chuckles or silence. Not an uncomfortable or awkward silence by any means. A safe and comforting one.

“Come on,” Xisuma prompts, getting up from the crouched position he had to be in for his attack, giving out his hand when he was properly on his feet. “Let’s get home before mobs start to spawn.” You’re more than happy to take his hands. With a pull, you’re brought back to your feet. But you two don’t let go of each other’s hands.

Together you two finish the trek home, and rather quickly too. With the sun setting, it was just a matter of minutes before danger would appear. Luckily you two made it to safety without any issues. The beginning area Xisuma had set up was well lit, safe from the dark and the dangers it harbors.

Being back in the base area made you feel more at peace, calmer, less endangered. Whatever you wanted to say, but you felt safer. And everything looked so pretty at night! You really need to come out more with Xisuma. Staring in awe at the builds in a different light, you and Xisuma dawdle on home.

Everything was perfect again. Just like before. You were happy, Xisuma was happy, what else could you need.

Xisuma walks ahead of you to unlock the front door, to which you say a little “thank you” out of habit and slip on by him and into the house. You do mean it, but still, it’s a habit drilled into you.

After getting back into the house, with some idle chit-chat, you start to get things fixed up in the house. Some dinner was in order for the two of you. After all, you just tried to climb a mountain to find Xisuma and who knows if Xisuma actually ate today. Plus you haven't had anything to eat yet. Whoops.

Leaving Xisuma to his own devices, you continue your conversation as you prepare a meal.

You don’t notice him locking the door and windows, or the dark look he has when he sees the window open, or him putting the keys in his pocket after locking all of the other windows. When he doesn’t reply immediately, though, you turn toward the last direction you heard him from, only to reveal an empty house. Perplexed, you look around a bit, but are stopped by a tap on your shoulder.

Jumping, you whirl around to see Xisuma without his helmet on, chuckling at your reaction. Laughing along with him, you give him a nudge with your hip. He returns it, laughing harder when you’re bumped away from him. This goes on for a while as you cook dinner, with Xisuma helping you.

The night goes on like this. Full of gentle, playful antics and a loving atmosphere. The love you felt was immense. You hadn’t felt happier in months.

Xisuma hasn’t been so scared in months either.

He should’ve secured the house better. Made sure you were fine before he left. Locked the windows before he left.

Now he knows to lock windows. You’d try to use them in the future. Better a situation where you went looking for him than you leaving him. But now he knew.

And all was good again.

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