#and a little conformity never hurt nobody

[valeffelees]

i fucking hate him

[psychicwound]

got so caught up in mike yates being canonically queer that i forgot jo and mike were supposed 2 be like. a thing

[doomedmoth]

War is Over

Pairing : Reader x Daniel Ricciardo x Max Verstappen | Poly fem!reader

Warnings : use of y/n, smau, polyamory, queer drivers, reader is around 30

Synopsis : You’re just a mechanic at RedBull, not much more to say. Nothing in your contract says you can’t be friends with drivers, right ? The little lines very clearly says you’re not allowed to show it all though. When your chosen “family” fails you, all you can do is hope your loved ones save themselves too.

Moth’s prophecy💡: Hi cryptids, honestly I have no excuses to give, sorry for the randomness of it all, I just needed to get this out to process with the pain of loosing Daniel. I can only hope he finds happiness away from the shit show that RedBull is becoming. Probably going back to hibernation, see ya !

[Messages] Dumber has sent you a text

*****

[Instagram] yourusername just posted a photo

yourusername : How it started / how it’s going (swipe for my face when I’m not covered in grease). Hello to everyone new here, I’m Y/N, Chief Engine Power Conformity Mechanician at redbullracing ! Based in the never-sunny town of Milton Keynes, but you might see me around the paddock at most races to make sure no one explodes ✌🏻

Liked by redbullracing, F1mech and others

view all comments

F1mech little miss mini boss 🫡

yourusername be glad to have me around to do the dirty work

F1mech Yes ma’am very grateful ma’am 🫡

redbullracing Your work is so crucial and we are happy the world gets to know you more !

redbullracing Also it was sunny last we came to MK ???

yourusername nobody tell admin we take out the fake blue sky windows when he comes by

user1 lmao I live in Milton Keynes and can attest we haven’t seen the sun in weeeeks

user2 never wanted to be a redbull neon sign so bad

user3 I can see why they hide her in the shithole that is Milton Keynes, the whole paddock would go crazy over her

user4 she would make such a cute wag omg !!

user5 bet every girlie is on their man’s back whenever she’s around

user6 she works for RB soooo… d’you think her and checo…? 😳

user7 she already has someone guys !! Though we have never seen his face, but I think she’s more interested in the cars than the ones inside them

user6 checo is married and still it doesn’t stop him lmao

user8 are you part of the pit crew ?? Never seen you before ! /g

yourusername I’m not !! I mainly work on the cars before and after the races and practices to make sure everything is in place, not faulty, and compliant to both Redbull’s and the FIA’s standards of security 🤗 but 60/70% of my work is at the factory, and the paddock parts happens behind close doors, so no worries

maxverstappen1 she makes sure nobody dies

yourusername and god knows y’all make it hard sometimes

danielricciardo yeah this second pic is so much better

yourusername oh don’t start me boy

danielricciardo hihihi 🤭

user9 hello Daniel ???

user10 How can I work at Redbull too pls I beg you I’ll even make coffee and mop the floors

yourusername check our offers on the website honey !! Most jobs require some experience or diploma but we also offer internships and graduate programs if you want to make your way in

user10 thank u 🥹

user10 that’s how you got in ?

yourusername nope, I’ve worked on cars forever and in motorsports for years before getting to F1, but we have plenty of opportunities in non-technical fields too!

user11 pretty, kind, works in f1, not single, lemme just Google how to be like you

user12 you okay dude ? Throat not hurting too much from gagging on her dick

user13 lmaoooo yeah seeing her looks that’s probably a daddy’s girl who got put in exec and pretends to know what she’s talking about

user14 wouldn’t be shocked if her “work behind closed doors” is ordering actual mechs around like minions

danielricciardo is your little ego so hurt by the fact that you’ll never be talented enough to get to her place that you’ve resorted to running your shitty mouth online ? Breath getting stinky mate, careful 🤢

Liked by yourusername

*****

[Instagram] yourusername just posted a photo

yourusername : Everything’s twice as fun with you

Liked by yourbff, maxverstappen1 and others

view all comments

user15 lover boy lover boy lover boy !

user16 I’m more excited for the face reveal than for my best friend’s wedding

user17 pls get checked wtf

user18 wait isn’t he blonde ? who’s the dark haired one in some pics ? With tattoos ?

user19 you might be new but Y/N always post pics of lover boy randomly, so some pics are old, and he often dyes his hair !

user18 wow damn I need his hairdresser coz this is cleaaaaan

yourbff don’t tell me you let him touch your car

yourusername lmaooo never 💀 tried to teach him to change some parts on his

yourbff and…?

yourusername ended up doing it…

yourbff at least he’s cute !!

yourusername Hey ! That must counts for something !

user20 not them bullying him coz he either doesn’t have socials or is not allowed to answer

yourbff what ? us ?

yourusername Never 😇

user21 oh damn she bagged herself a hottie

user22 HE bagged himself a hottie have you seen her ??

user23 couple goals and we ain’t ever seen his face like

user24 ain’t no need for a face with a body like this

user25 kinda looks like Max on the 6th slide no ??

user26 lmao as if

user27 the man can bag any celebrity doubt he cares for a factory girl

user28 the pic with the RB can lol

yourusername trained him well 😇

*****

[Twitter] f1.driv.updates just posted

*****

[Messages] Dumb has sent you a text

*****

[Instagram] maxverstappen1 has added a story

user29 replied to the story :

oh yeah I keep forgetting y’all old money rich rich

user30 replied to the story :

so we all forgetting about Horner’s accusation ?? Truly just RB’s bitch in the end

user31 replied to the story :

Is that y/n ?? Didn’t know the mechs were invited to those events

danielricciardo replied to the story :

man I do take amazing pics when the models look so good

*****

[Instagram] yourusername just posted a photo

yourusername : vitamin sea 🌊⛱️🐚 Australia, you never disappoint

Liked by oscarpiastri, daniel3.jpg and others

view all comments

oscarpiastri wish we could have hung out more 🥺

yourusername we hung out at your house bby!!

user32 BBY ?? SOMEONE CALL LILY COZ THIS BITCH IS OVERSTEPPING

oscarpiastri we didn’t hang out you repaired my mom’s car while Lily and I were drinking WARM BEERS ON THE FLOOR

yourusername SORRY YOU CAN’T APPRECIATE MY CRAFT LIKE YOUR MOTHER DOES also hi to lils 💕🌸🎀

oscarpiastri DON’T BRING MY MOM INTO THIS she said she misses u 🤗💕✨

user32 oh

yourusername yeah

oscarpiastri yeah

nicolepiastri yeah

yourbff you need to turn off work like for reeeaaaal

yourusername how can I when those two are literally glued to my hip

danielricciardo shocked sad disappointed

maxverstappen1 Lover boy will hear about this

yourusername Are those threats ? Remember I literally have power over your life

danielricciardo not mine anymore lol Lover boy WILL HEAR about this

user33 oh so that definitely erases the possibility of Max or Daniel being Lover Boy

user34 as if there had ever been any evidence of that

user35 Lover boy in the Redbull cap ??

yourusername Yep ! Max gave it to him

user35 daaaaamn he is ripped

yourusername hihi 🤭

user36 no one questioning why the fuck is a mechanician hanging so much with drivers ??

user37 *chief mechanician

F1mech oh shit buddy thank you, we weren’t aware we couldn’t be friends with people we spend more than half of the year on the road with

maxverstappen1 cancel your ticket rn mate, you can’t vacation with us

F1mech come on user36, see what you’ve done ?? Maybe if you hadn’t questioned it I could have gone, fucker

*****

[Instagram] yourusername has added a story

user38 has replied to your story :

Not you posting this straight after the checo announcement 💀

yourbff has replied to your story :

just saw the news, is Danny ok ?? Pls call me

maxverstappen1 has replied to your story :

Booked you a table at San Marco at 8, sorry I can’t be there tonight…

it’s okay, I know how it is, I just don’t want him to be alone… thx for the restaurant 💕

[Instagram] yourusername has added a story

user39 has replied to your story :

omg same

user40 has replied to your story :

IS THAT DANIEL ???

user41 has replied to your story :

the tattoos ??? girl we knoooow

redbullracing has replied to your story :

y/n ?

yup yup yup sorry

This story has been deleted.

*****

[Instagram] yourusername has added a story

user41 has replied to your story :

lmao miss thing is piiiissed

yukitsunoda0511 has replied to your story :

i can’t find my controller d’you have one more ? 🥺

yes bby just come before your food gets cold

user42 has replied to your story :

She supports Max’s rights but mostly Max’s wrongs

*****

[Twitter] F1mech just posted

[Instagram] yourusername has added a story

user43 has replied to your story :

preeeaach 🙌🏻

user44 has replied to your story :

all redbull employees protesting the FIA has me going !! Tell Horner to open his mouth too for once

danielricciardo has replied to your story :

I want this pic as my new lockscreen

*****

[Twitter] danyfanclub just posted

*****

[Instagram] danielricciardo just posted a photo

danielricciardo : l've loved this sport my whole life. It's wild and wonderful and been a journey. To the teams and individuals that have played their part, thank you. To the fans who love the sport sometimes more than me haha thank you. It'll always have its highs and lows but it's been fun and truth be told I wouldn't change it.

Until the next adventure.

Liked by redbullracing, yourusername and others

view all comments

redbullracing 🫶🏻

user45 SHUT UP

user46 the audacity

user47 you promised you would treat him better !!

user48 Daniel > Perez

user49 DTS fan

lewishamilton legend 🫂

user50 game recognize game

user51 tell Mercedes to give him a seat

maxverstappen1 Head up ! Many more beautiful moments to come, somewhere you’ll be recognized and appreciated 💪🏻 our time together isn’t over, but I’m glad for all the racing, the laughs, the nights, for you ❤️

user52 wow hm Max no need to make all of us cry

user53 I feel like I’ve just walked in on something very personal…

user54 maxiel 😭😭😭

user55 he was the best mate you ever had, never should have left RedBull

yourusername Working with you was an honor, but getting to know and appreciate you made my whole life brighter, and I can’t thank you enough for this 🌞 no contracts can bring us apart, see you around honey bee 💛

user56 the little dig at RB’s contracts lmao

user57 why does honey bee feel much more intimate than honey badger ??

user58 we haven’t seen this level of emotion for De Vries, yet you were already working for the “RedBull family” if I’m not mistaken ??

user59 maybe because no one gives two shits about De Vries ??

*****

[Instagram] yourusername just posted a photo

yourusername : Well, there it is. After 15 years of working on cars, the last 10 in motorsports, last five in Formula 1, it’s time for me to take a break. It was just perfect to finish it off in my hometown Austin, and I’m so grateful to my friends and family who made the trip to celebrate together. I remember my first week at Milton Keynes, my whole life in a suitcase. Abu Dhabi 2021, and those stories we’ll keep for our old days. I was so proud to be part of this, the champagne, the fireworks, the love. The day Daniel came back to us. The people I’ve met, the opportunities I’ve had, none would have been possible without you, ‘Bull. It’s been oh so amazing, but oh so tiring. I’ve reached a point in my life where I need my environment to be aligned with what I want, my values and the people I love and care for. So it’s goodbye.

F1, thank you for everything. I’ll miss you, but I gotta go. 💙

Liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, and others

view all comments

F1mech I solemnly swear to not make anything explode, to always triple check my laces, to never pick Yoshi in Mario Kart because it’s yours, and to forever keep you close to my heart. Thx mini boss, you were amazing 🫡

yourusername Thanks Callum, you’re gonna make me cry now…

user60 US TOO 😭

user61 naaaaah another one leaving RedBull, shit is really going down

user62 where do you think she’s going ? Aston ?

user63 or Ferrari

yourusername Sorry to disappoint but neither ! It’s really a full break, for a while at least, I need to get my head out of the oil and machinery

user64 leaving England then ?? What about lover boy ??

yourusername Lover boy was never British eheh, who told you that ? 🤭

user65 if Lover boy is confirmed to be Daniel I’ll loose my shit

user66 I will always root for Max though…

user67 he has tattoos omg it’s never been Max !!

redbullracing Now it’s pretty sure MK will never see the sun again with you gone 😭

user68 we still hate you

user69 fuck off

yukitsunoda0511 🥺🫶🏻

yourusername 😚🫴🏻💕

yourbff it’ll be hard, but it’ll be good

yourusername thankfully i won’t be alone

yourbff not long to wait

yourusername yeah, soon soon

user70 ???

user71 I have a headache just thinking about everything the soon soon could be about

user72 really doubt Max is staying much longer in RedBull seeing how many engineers are quitting

*****

[Twitter] f1.driv.updates just posted

*****

[Instagram] yourusername has added a story

user73 has replied to your story :

no yeah we get it this looks much better than the factory lmao

user74 has replied to your story :

Honey bee ?? I’ve heard that one before

oscarpiastri has replied to your story :

Mom said you haven’t gone to see her yet ! Meanie !

user75 has replied to your story :

crazy how Max starts winning again since you’re gone

*****

[Instagram] f1 just posted a photo

F1 : BREAKING : Max Verstappen has announced his retirement after winning his 4th World’s Drivers Championship.

Record breaker.

Late braker.

Legend.

#ThankYouMax

Liked by redbullracing, charles_leclerc, and others

view all comments

user76 WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

user77 when I tell you I fell to my knees

user78 screaming crying throwing up

user79 I refuse to believe this is true

user80 what the hell was this season

user81 DTS is gonna have a field day with this one

user80 doubt 10 episodes are gonna be enough

redbullracing There aren’t enough words to describe the impact you’ve had on our history, Max. You’ll forever be a pillar of the RedBull family, and an icon of the sport. Tudududu 🧡

lewishamilton Thank you for the challenges, you’ve always pushed us to go harder. Never thought I would have to see you leave, but we’ll keep your legacy running 👑

user82 Alonso when ???

user83 Who’s gonna take his seat ? Honey badger comeback ?

user84 doubt it, he said in the only interview he gave that he had some friends to go see a few continents away, bet he was talking bout Danny

user85 April Fools ?

user86 In December ??

user87 I really don’t understand why, everything was going much better with the car lately

user88 I think he’s just done with the sport, he said multiple time he wouldn’t force it if he didn’t feel like it anymore

*****

[Instagram] yourusername has added a story

user89 has replied to your story :

wait, if that’s lover boy, who’s the guy you were with lately ??

user90 has replied to your story :

Sydney airport !!

user91 has replied to your story :

OMG I KNEW I SAW MAX IN SYDNEY THIS MORNING WTF I RECOGNIZE HIM

yourbff has replied to your story :

you did it bby, it’s time to rest now

ily, we will 💕

user92 has replied to your story :

The timing with Max quitting RB is so odd I’m seriously questioning my sanity rn

*****

[Instagram] yourusername, danielricciardo and maxverstappen1 just posted a photo

yourusername, danielricciardo, maxverstappen1 : War is Over.

Liked by yourbff, oscarpiastri and others

Comments on this post have been disabled.

*****

[Instagram] danielricciardo has added a story

The replies to this story have been disabled.

[Instagram] maxverstappen1 has added a story

The replies to this story have been disabled.

*****

[Instagram] danielricciardo just posted a photo

danielricciardo : From sneaking out of restaurants to barricading the doors of our shared hotel rooms, I wish I could have told the world earlier how much I love you. But I’m glad I can now. There’s something magical about finding the one, so when you find the two, you’ll make any radical change necessary to protect them. Think you were right Maxie, the farm life does suit us.

This was the Honey Badger, peace ✌🏻

Liked by yukitsunoda0511, yourusername, and others.

Comments on this post have been disabled.

[Instagram] maxverstappen1 just posted a photo

maxverstappen1 : Turning off comments coz those two are mine and you can only admire them from afar. I know they’re pretty. They’re mine. And I’ll say it as many times as I want now. Mine mine mine mine mine

Liked by danielricciardo, charles_leclerc and others.

Comments on this post have been disabled.

[Instagram] yourusername just posted a photo

yourusername : Oh, I’m sorry, did I say Lover Boy ? I meant Boys 🤭

Liked by lilyzneimer, F1mech, and others.

Comments on this post have been restricted.

view all comments

user93 WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

user94 mother is finally letting us out of the cage and none of us can take it

user95 the first pic

user96 I could die

user97 who the fuck even took it

user98 she said “y’all won’t let me post their faces ? I’ll give you the whole sextape”

user99 I knew it I fucking knew it Maxiel nation we won

oscarpiastri so happy for you guys, go be free with the little goats 🥹

yourusername pls try to survive

maxverstappen1 and if RB tries to buy you RUN BACK HOME

user100 oh shit it’s time for no filter Max era

yourusername you’ve had a taste this year, be prepared for the real deal

yukitsunoda0511 finally i can stop pretending to not speak English when asked about you

danielricciardo you were pretending very well if I may say

yukitsunoda0511 thanks !

user101 oh yuki sweet summer child…

user102 don’t tell me in Japan already ??

yourusername you really took a good look at this pic and thought “yeah, those two are straight” ? It’s a you issue honestly

user102 yeah okay fair

user103 7th pic ???

maxverstappen1 Abu Dhabi ‘21

maxverstappen1 tasted better than champagne tbh

user104 oh so y’all are just leaking EVERYTHING now, no fucks given

danielricciardo I had to pay a lot for those pics to not get out back then so yeah kinda

danielricciardo which is a shame when we look so good

user105 sooooo… about the high performance athlete….?

maxverstappen1 yes.

yourusername yes.

danielricciardo 💕

*****

[Twitter] danyfanclub just posted

[transmascsteveharrington]

Steve knows it's not polite to stare. He knows to quickly avert his gaze in the locker rooms and how to glance at pretty girls long enough for them to notice but not too long to make him seem like a creep. Still, despite telling himself not to stare over and over again it is impossible not to stare at Eddie Munson.

Steve had been unable to look away when Eddie had first moved to Hawkins, permanent frown on his face and his hair buzzed short. Steve had desperately longed to touch it. Wondered if it was soft or spiky, if Eddie had chosen the haircut himself, or if his parents had made the choice, just like Steve's made choices for him all the time.

The staring problem got worse with Eddie letting his hair grow out. And the whole getting up on tables in the cafeteria thing. At least nobody was thinking it was weird for Steve to be staring up at Eddie while Eddie was going on about forced conformity and sticking it to the man.

Tommy would mumble something about being a show-off and freak under his breath and Steve would laugh along, forcing himself to tear his eyes away. He knew better though. Knew it wasn't really Eddie, just the kind of performance he liked to give to keep up the act of the untouchable freak. Steve knew the feeling all too well of looking in the mirror not recognizing the person you were seeing. Steve would see a person with a heavy crown, Eddie one with a jester's hat. But it's not like anyone ever truly bothered to look, to actually see more than the parts both of them were playing.

There is a bottle pressed to Steve's throat but even if there wasn't he would be unable not to look at Eddie. He's known that Eddie has brown eyes, but he's never seen them this up close, has never gotten lost in the dark swirls of brown, has never allowed himself to think how truly beautiful they are. Eddie is glaring at Steve so much fear and apprehension in his eyes. It makes Steve want to say, I won't hurt you, I promise. I know you. I'm just like you.

He doubts Eddie would appreciate or believe the sentiment, a king and a jester have nothing in common and Steve is under no illusion that while he was watching Eddie, seeing Eddie, that Eddie was looking back at him and seeing past the blinding lights of the jewels the elite of Hawkings High had bestowed upon Steve. So instead Steve swears onto Dustin's mom and the bottle moves away from his neck and Eddie out of his sight.

The first time Steve can't bare to look at Eddie is in the hospital. He still sits in the tiny room, holding Eddie's hand in his as if he had the right, unable to look at the unconscious, unmoving, pale face. The doctors said Eddie was going to be alright, but Steve had looked enough at a half-dead Eddie when carrying his torn-apart body out of the upside down. It had been enough for a lifetime.

It's once Eddie has woken up that Steve truly can't keep his eyes away. Stares unapologetically, always finds Eddie's eyes in a crowded room, looks and looks as if taking Eddie in was more vital for Steve's survival than taking oxygen.

Eddie knows obviously, can always feel Steve's eyes prickling in his neck. He brings it up eventually. They've spend the evening smoking weed at Steve's pool the summer heat keeping the night mild. They trade the wet end of the joint between them as if it were kisses. And maybe Steve wishes they were when their knees knock together.

"You need to stop looking at me like that," Eddie says as he exhales smoke.

"Like what?"

"Like it means something, like you want me to get ideas," Eddie huffs a laugh, failing at covering up the slither of want that wraps around his words like vines. Steve takes the joint and stubs it out on the terrace floor.

"What if it does mean something?" He asks braver than he feels. "What if I want you to get ideas?"

Eddie's eyes widen in surprise for a moment before he searches Steve's face trying to find out if Steve is being serious. There is something thrilling about Eddie looking at him like that, a little in disbelief, a little in awe, and a little bit smitten.

Eddie keeps quiet for a moment longer and continues to look at Steve. Properly looks at Steve, lets go of all he's been told and focuses on all that he knows. Steve looks at Eddie as always, seeing Eddie. Eddie looks back at Steve and for the first time truly sees Steve. He lets out a little gasp as Steve keeps holding his gaze.

I know you, Steve wants to say. I've been watching you and looking at you and been seeing you and I know you and I love you.

"Then prove it," Eddie whispers as if he knows exactly what Steve is thinking.

Proof that you know and love me. It's all the encouragement Steve needs to lean in and close the distance between them. They kiss with their eyes closed. They both know there will be a lifetime of looking at each other and seeing each other.

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Hi, I’ve fallen deeply in love with your Donna/Reader stories, thank you for keeping us well fed with it. If it’s okay, could I request some fluff where a clumsy Reader accidentally fractured a limb or smth like that, and Donna is trying her best to make sure they recover but her way of caring is overwhelming, to the point she doesn’t let Reader do anything because they might hurt themselves again, and Reader just needs some room to breathe.

Yesss!!!! Thanks for your support, and for your request!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :))))))

Your hopeless clumsyness

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Fluff,

Word count: 8,447

Summary: Maybe she's a bit overwhelming...

N/A: Yeah, I'm back!!! Sorry for the waiting!!!! As always, sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours!!! I love you all!!! :))

“It was funny…” you sighed, taking a last sip of your glass of wine like every night.

The woman in black looked up but her smile did not adorn her face.

“It doesn't seem like it to me, tesoro,” she whispered, shaking her head, with a sad look that made you frown.

“Why?” you asked curiously, leaning forward, without losing that romantic and almost amused look.

“Something could have happened to you, (Y/N),” she said, with a cold and dark tone, accentuating her displeasure after one of your thousand anecdotes.

“Oh, no, no, it was just a fall down the hill, the snow cushioned me,” you explained with a slightly more serious tone, downplaying it with a gesture of your hand. “Nothing happened to me… Well, I had some injuries but nothing serious, it was worth it.”

“Was it worth it to fall off a hill?” the lady asked, her voice cracking from the coldness with which you spoke of one of your countless dangerous situations.

“Hey, it wasn't my fault... I tripped on a root and...” you said hastily, putting your hands in front of your body.

“You should watch where you step, it's not the first time you've told me something like that,” she whispered, also drinking from her glass of wine. “Nor the first time I've seen you stumbling.”

You searched for some intelligent response to that comment, but you didn't have one. Almost everything that happened in your life was the product of an absurdly exaggerated innate clumsiness.

In fact, the change that your life went through was also due to one of your lapses.

In that sinister village it was difficult to stand out, to differentiate yourself from the flock, faithful to Mother Miranda and the Black Gods. You all had the misfortune of being born in that place, of living protected by those black wings, by those characters that, if it were a horror novel, would be called monsters.

Living quietly was one of the advantages of that horrible place. Nobody bothered you. Nobody made your life different. Everything was a tedious dark passage in which your souls in pain walked aimlessly.

Where to? Nobody knew. For what purpose? To serve the deities.

Daughter of humble farmers, you never had the desire or concern to know what would happen if you stood out, if you stuck your head out above the crowd.

But even if you didn't want it, the Gods intended to make you shine, to make all eyes turn to you in the most unordinary way, of course. Since you were very young, you had problems with the little things in life. Ordinary actions like walking, jumping, running... They were special occasions for the clumsy (Y/N) to draw everyone’s attention.

But, even if your clumsiness was a flaw, you never saw it that way. The smile always adorned your face and conformity gave you the peace of mind you needed to move on with your boring life. No matter how many times you fell, you always got up, you always laughed at yourself to prevent others from doing the same.

That time when you felt that you were truly in danger, was the turning point that changed your tedious life forever.

After one of Mother Miranda's special masses, you made your way through the crowd as always, without the slightest care. The blow wasn’t long in coming; a sudden stumble against something black stopped your hurried steps.

You expected a villager's scolding, a reprimand from some older person for your lack of care but, when you looked up, you froze completely.

You hadn't hit an old man or some poor farmer, no, your body had decided to crash into a dangerous woman, into one of the four pillars that supported Miranda’s cult.

Four Lords, four authorities guarded and protected the village. You were always afraid of them, like the rest of the villagers. You always kept away from them until that day, the day when your clumsiness disturbed the slow and ghostly walk of the lady in black, of the doll maker, Donna Beneviento.

Not all the apologies could save you from a punishment for your clumsiness. You remembered the words of your parents, those words that warned you that one day your carelessness would have consequences.

The lady's veiled head turned to you slowly and you squeezed your eyes shut, praying that at least you would have a dignified end unlike the legends that spoke of the fools who dared to cross her lands.

You clasped your hands together and your dry mouth couldn't properly utter an apology. The laughter of the Angie doll seemed like the last sound you were going to hear.

The end never came.

The cold of that morning ran through your skin as the lady walked away with a strange gesture. You sighed in relief at that luck, at not having offended that dangerous woman.

One more anecdote or so you thought, one more episode in your innumerable list of accidents. It wasn't like that.

Without knowing exactly how, you began to meet the lady in black more frequently.The black veil covering her face danced every time she moved to look at you longer and longer, with increasingly slower steps.

You would be lying if you said that this woman never made you curious. In fact, she was the only Lord of whom you knew nothing but rumors and legends. A monster, a horrible deformity… The words that described Lady Beneviento were few and terrible, enough to make your legs tremble when she was near.

These encounters led to silent, whispered and seemingly unimportant conversations.

The woman in black spoke through her doll asking you questions about yourself, prying into your life without any qualms. After all, you were a villager, she was a Lord.

In a surprising way, you yourself began to find comfort in these exchanges of words. You began to wish for them to happen.

The sweet, hoarse, melodic sound of her voice pierced the high walls of your heart, that protection you had against stupid crushes. It didn't take Donna any work to break down those walls, to pass through them and land on your chest.

Maybe it was the lavender in her perfume, those thin and seemingly soft hands or her honeyed accent... You didn't know why, but it didn't take long for you to fall in love with her.

That feeling conditioned your future encounters. The distance that separated you two was getting smaller and smaller and the scenery that surrounded you stopped being the cold village to become the old walls of that mansion.

The black veil disappeared as a final step in that strange relationship you had formed. Donna was beautiful, a truly beautiful woman. No scar could ever shade the sparkle in that eye, the perfection of her features.

Your lips met slowly, wanting to do so but at the same time afraid of rejection. It was a feeling that disappeared as you deepened that kiss, as you said with a look, with a caress, that you were in love with each other.

The doll maker was a strange, sick and disturbed woman, but with her you felt safe, in her arms you felt that that you had found the reason for your clumsy existence: to share it with her.

“You're exaggerating,” you commented, crossing your arms amused.

Donna shook her head, with that look she always had when you talked about your past, about your funny and showy excursions to the mountains.

“Something could have happened to you and... I... I... I wouldn't have met you,” the lady murmured, slowly getting up to pick up the plates.

You smiled at that romantic comment, and you also got up, gently grabbing her hand and pulling it softly.

“Donna... You worry too much...” you said with a tender smile, cupping her pale and soft face with your hands and placing your lips softly on hers; a gesture that always caused the lady's tension to disappear while she followed the rhythm of your tireless kisses.

“If I didn't, I wouldn't love you, tesoro,” she whispered, lovingly grabbing the hands that held her face and lowering them to your waist. “If I lost you, I would...”

“Yes, I know, I know,” you said amused, rolling your eyes.

Again, she didn't move, her smile didn't match yours. Donna sighed, kissing you quickly before moving away from you and stacking the plates on the table.

“I'm going to pick this up,” she commented in a low voice. “When I get back we could read together, if you want.”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” you said, nodding and frowning. “Hey, wait, Donna, let me help you,” you whispered, moving closer to pick up one of the plates.

“No, it's not necessary,” she said, moving away from your attempt with a worried voice.

“Come on, honey, you've been cooking for me… Let me help you…” you said insistently picking up the glasses from the table and walking after her.

“No, no, you could hurt yourself,” Donna said, approaching you and juggling to pick up the glasses you were holding.

“Oh, please…” you sighed offended, crossing your arms and shaking your head. “I'm not useless.”

“I know, tesoro, but… What if you drop them on the floor?” she said, moving away before your surprised gasp attracted her again.

“Why would that happen to me? How pessimistic,” you joked, pretending to be offended.

“It happened to you yesterday,” Donna commented, with an amused smile, walking towards the elevator.

You blinked in complete defeat, sighing and hanging your head.

“Ugh, okay, but just for you to know, I’m not as clumsy as I look,” you hissed.

Well, you felt a bit of overprotection from the brunette, one that had enough reasons, but that was starting to tire you out.

“Okay,” she said with a sigh, winking at you and turning to walk towards the elevator. “Sit down, (Y/N), I’ll be right back.”

“Bah…” you sighed, turning to walk towards your reading corner. “Come on, it’s not like I’m that… Ouch!” you protested when, as you turned around, your face hit a wall, making you blush as you turned around embarrassed.

Luckily, Donna didn't see that bump on your nose, one you rubbed with your hand, cursing under your breath as you sat down on the small couch.

“I'm going to tell Donna…” a shrill, childish sing-song interrupted your moans. Angie, as always, was there to see what Donna couldn't, unfortunately. “Silly”

“I like you too, Angie,” you said ironically, with a nasal voice due to that crash, making your indignation grow more.

You knew Donna was like that, you knew that you were the only one who dared to love her, to not abandon her. You certainly couldn't blame her for wanting to protect you, but you were starting to think that maybe her attitude accentuated your flaws even more.

Exaggerated protection or something else? It was the question that danced in your mind when you were alone.

It was true that your clumsiness was about to cause you a lot of trouble, but the brunette's attitude was even more exaggerated than your parents'. Little by little, that feeling of living in cotton wool began to form a horrible word in your head: Distrust.

Donna's lack of faith in you was something impossible to believe given the circumstances, but you felt a lacking in the freedom you enjoyed before, no matter how comical the consequences were.

Fortunately, the lady returned shortly after and her kisses and soft caresses erased those horrible thoughts from your head; her hand was tangled in your hair while her gaze pretended to be fixed on her book, something you knew was not the case, since her mouth raised every time she saw you looking at her.

A small click interrupted your discreet and continuous kisses, kisses that said you had forgotten to read. Immediately after, darkness fell over you. The dim light that illuminated the room disappeared.

“Oh, wow…” Donna sighed, slowly separating from you and keeping a hand on your body. “The fuses.”

“Fuses?” you asked, slowly getting up, making the heat of her body fade in a slow and painful way. “Well, I don’t care…”

“I have to change them or we won't be able to use the elevator,” she said, slowly getting up to light one of the candles on the table before your disapproving look. “Stay here, tesoro. I'll be here right away.”

“Wait” you said, getting up too. “I'll do it, where are those fuses?”

“In the attic,” the lady said, pointing to the ceiling. “I'll go, (Y/N), it's dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” you protested unintentionally, bringing back to light the tension that had formed in your mind. “Come on, I just have to go up some stairs, let…”

“I said no,” Donna said with a dark, cold tone, one that made you step back. “Stay here.”

“Why? I'm just trying to help,” you complained, crossing your arms, letting out a bit of your frustration. “I said I'm going.”

“And I said you're not going, you could fall down the stairs, you don't know the house as well as I do,” she said in her defense. “What's wrong with you?”

“What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you, Donna?” you asked with a sarcastic tone, with a sad look. “I want to do something for once,”

“I don't need you to do anything, (Y/N), just being with me is enough,” the lady said, frowning.

“Of course, of course…” you sighed, shaking your head. “Donna, I'm sick of you thinking something's always going to happen to me. You don't let me clean because I could fall, you don't let me cook because gas is dangerous, damn it, you don't even let me make a damn tea,” you said, letting out your worries, maybe in a slightly abrupt way.

“I care about you, does it annoy you?” she asked, approaching in a threatening way, angry at the tone of your words.

“No, well, I don't know, Donna,” you said in a lower tone, fearing a crisis, one of those extremely painful moments when the lady in black lost her mind. “I'd like to feel like I'm useful at least for once.”

“You're useful to me, (Y/N),” she said, with a thankfully calmer tone. “But you're not careful with what you do.”

“Oh, the clumsy (Y/N) can't even take two steps without tripping, is that it?” you asked with an ironic tone, perhaps more childish than you intended. “Jeez, Donna... Trust me.”

“It's your fault for telling me all those horrible things that have happened to you,” she protested, also in a childish way. “I don't want anything to happen to you.”

“I understand, but I want you to trust me, okay? Just a little,” you whispered with a softer tone, lifting the lady's chin.

“I trust you, tesoro, but it's just that...” she sighed, resting her forehead on yours. “I don't want to lose you…”

“You won't lose me,” you said with a smile, kissing her quickly. “Let me fix the fuse, okay?”

“Mm, I don't know…” she sighed, kissing the back of your hand, thoughtful.

“Please,” you said with shining eyes, with the dim light accentuating that puppy look even more.

“Va… Va bene,” Donna murmured, unsure but nodding forcibly. “The, the fuses are in the attic. You have to find a trapdoor upstairs and…”

“Oh, yes, yes, I know where you mean,” you said excitedly, taking the candlestick and approaching the stairs. “The trapdoor next to the bathroom, right?”

“Y-Yes,” she said, following you slowly and placing a hand on your shoulder. “Please go up the ladder carefully.”

“Okay,” you said, slurring your voice in an exaggerated way as you started to climb, passing by the beautiful portrait of the lady. “Seriously, Donna, you look gorgeous in this painting.”

“Look ahead,” she said, laughing shyly at your compliment.

You laughed too, climbing carefully. As expected, you tripped on one of the steps.

“Shit…” you muttered as you lost your balance, but sighed in relief when you used the railing to keep from falling, looking at the source of that stumble. “Hey, I'm fine,” you said amused. “This carpet bar is loose,” you commented, bending down to illuminate the problem.

“Gods, (Y/N)…” Donna sighed, with a hand on her chest.

“See? Nothing happened,” you commented in a triumphant voice, walking down the hallway on the upper floor, shining light on the ceiling to look for the trapdoor.

The ladder was precarious, but surprisingly, you managed to climb up to the attic and grab one of the new fuses. There were no incidents; your ascent and descent were flawless. You couldn't help but feel proud of that.

“Donna, I got it!” you shouted with a smile, waving the fuse in your hand. “Where do I put it?”

The lady in black looked up at you from below, with a fake smile, shaking her head.

“The fuse box is in the guest room, with a bit of luck, that's the one that failed,” the brunette explained, pointing to the room behind you.

“Oh, luck is my last name,” you joked in a petulant tone, turning on your heels.

“Allow me to doubt that, tesoro," Donna said, laughing amusedly. “Be careful with…”

“Yes, yes, yes,” you said sighing, making a gesture with your hand to play it down. “Relax, honey, I feel lucky today.”

“That's what worries me…” she whispered, looking at you expectantly as you entered the old room.

“Oh, there you are,” you said, walking quickly to the old fuse box, opening it and confirming that it was the one that failed. “It was this one!” you shrieked, leaving the chandelier on the nightstand and removing the old fuse.

A spark startled you, but you kept your calm elegantly, inserting the new one and masterfully avoiding a second shock.

The light returned to the mansion and with it your triumph over the brunette's worries, something that you would rub mercilessly in her face for days, or that was your intention.

“What do you say now? The clumsy (Y/N) has done something dangerous and has come out unscathed,” you said proudly, leaning on the railing.

Donna laughed and shook her head.

“You've been lucky, that's all,” she commented mockingly.

“Blah, blah, blah,” you said, moving your hand to imitate her in an even more exaggerated way as you went around the railing, ready to go down the stairs. “Donna, I think you owe me an apology,” you said with your head held high, starting to go down. “You saw that I am capable of… Ah!”

A screech interrupted your victorious speech. The bar that was holding the carpet to the stairs, the one that was loose, made your foot trip hopelessly. You couldn't grab onto anything, since you didn't even look where you stepped, which caused a resounding fall along the stairs.

“(Y/N)!” the lady shrieked, running towards you and hastily bending down to get you up. “Gods, are you okay?”

“Yes, yes, it was just… A fall… I can get up by myself and…” you said with your body and pride hurt, trying to lean on the brunette to get up, something impossible, since when you put one of your legs on the floor, the pain was unbearable. “Ah, wait, wait, I can't.”

“Does something hurt?” Donna asked, visibly upset, slowly putting you down again. “Idiota, I told you that…”

“Hey, don't insult me, Donna…” you protested, waving your hands, pushing her overwhelming concern away from your body. “My leg…”

“Your leg? Let me, let me take a look,” the brunette said, ignoring your protests and lifting the skirt of your dress, gently running her hand over your skin, a hand that used to be sweet and soft, but that now felt like a thousand knives digging into your flesh.

“Ahhhhh! Stop, stop, don’t touch me!” you squealed nervously, hitting the floor with your fists. “It hurts!”

“I know, but…” she said nervously, not quite knowing what to do. “Gods… I’ll call Mother Miranda right away…”

“No, not her!” you protested, trying to control the pain. You certainly weren’t the raven woman’s most fervent supporter… “Sure, sure it’s nothing,” you whispered in pain, trying to stand up again, without success. “Oh, shit! Shit!”

“You probably broke it, (Y/N), stop complaining and stay here, I'll be back in a moment,” Donna said, getting up and running to the living room.

“Damn stairs…” you whispered, glancing at your aching leg and then at the step responsible for it.

“Everything okay, silly?” Angie asked, suddenly appearing in front of you. “Why are you sitting on the floor?”

“Angie…” you groaned as you watched the doll walk around you. “I'm not in the mood.”

“Did you fall?” she asked ironically, laughing out loud. “Clumsy, clumsy, you are a clumsy fool…”

“Yes, yes, thanks for your encouragement,” you hissed in pain, shaking your head.

“Where does it hurt? Here?”

“Yiaaaaah!” you screamed echoing off the walls as the puppet's hand landed on your injured leg. “Damn it, Angie!”

“Is that it? Wait, wait, I have to check,” the doll said, showing no mercy to your pain and touching you again with a wooden finger.

“Yiaaaah! You motherfu…!”

“Angie, basta,” Donna interrupted, causing the doll to move away with sinister laughter. “Hold on, tesoro,” she said, crouching down next to you and placing her hand on your leg again.

“Ahhh! Will you stop touching my leg!?” you screamed furiously, with tears of pain appearing in your bright eyes.

The lady retreated frightened, trying unsuccessfully to remain calm.

“Mother Miranda will come soon… Let me… Help you sit on the sofa…” she said, bending down to put your arm around her shoulders, painfully pulling you up.

The queen of the village, the high priestess, was quick to arrive and examine you despite your distrust. You knew what that woman would be capable of, you knew it perfectly. You didn't want to be a lycan.

“Mm, yes, it's broken,” the blonde woman commented after examining your leg with some kind of unknown power. You, unlike with Donna and Angie, swallowed your screams, focusing the pain on the brunette's poor hand. “It must have been a nasty fall, (Y/N).”

“Yes...” you murmured glancing sideways at the priestess, who was wielding a smile that could give anyone the creeps.

“I'm sorry, Donna, it seems that your little doll will have to rest for a while,” Miranda said in a velvety, ironic tone.

“Will she be okay?” the lady in black asked, caressing you gently, masterfully holding the strong grip of your hand in hers.

“Mm, I think so,” the witch commented, nodding disinterestedly, drinking some of the tea that her faithful adopted daughter had prepared for her. “She will have to be put in a cast but it’s not a serious matter, maybe in a couple of months she will recover.

“Two months?” you asked, shifting uncomfortably on the sofa and catching the attention of the blonde, who looked at you slowly, pretending that she didn’t feel contempt for a simple villager like you. “But, but, but… You, you are powerful, aren't you? Can't you heal me?”

“I can, but maybe you wouldn't like the results,” she said with a disinterested voice, accompanied by a fixed and chilling look. “I suppose that Donna doesn't either, am I wrong?”

“(Y/N), don't be rude,” the lady in black scolded you, looking fearfully at her mother. “Listen to Mother Miranda.”

“Donna, dear, call the Duke, we have to go to the laboratory,” the raven woman ordered.

“Of course, Mother Miranda,” Donna said, letting you go instantly to obey the blonde, leaving you uncomfortably alone with her.

“Poor Donna, you give her a lot of trouble, don't you?” the blonde commented amused, staring at you, a look you couldn't escape from.

“I'm not doing it on purpose, Mother Miranda,” you whispered, looking away and crossing your arms, protesting the pain.

“Mm, if you did… Well, your leg would be the least of your worries,” the witch hissed, resting her golden claws on your injured leg, comically making you endure a terrible cry of pain.

“Ah, shit…” you complained in a very low voice, with the sound of a satisfied laugh eclipsing your rudeness.

You had always boasted of your ability to avoid misfortunes. Although it was hard to believe, it was the first time you ended up with a broken limb, with your leg in a strange cast.

“Okay, let me help you…” Donna whispered, pushing the wheelchair that Miranda lent you towards the bedroom, putting your arm around her shoulders again and taking you in a chivalrous manner in her arms. “That's it…”

“Oh, wow,” you said amused, holding on tightly to Donna as she gently lowered you onto the bed. “I could get used to this…”

“Don't joke, (Y/N),” the lady said, helping you undress carefully, with a serious, cold look.

“I'm sorry,” you laughed, moving as best you could so the lady could put your pajamas on you. “Come on, say it.”

“Cosa?” she asked, focused on not hurting you. “What do you want me to say?”

“Come on, you're looking forward to it,” you said, already ready to sleep, dragging yourself with your arms towards the pillow. “Say that you warned me, that you were right…” you sighed, looking at the ceiling.

“What? No, tesoro,” Donna said, sitting next to you and lovingly playing with your hair. “I'm not happy about what happened to you, (Y/N)… I was so worried about you…”

“Well, you see it's nothing serious, I guess I need some rest and I'll be ready to change fuses again,” you said amused, making Donna laugh shyly and shook her head with a tired sigh.

“Just focus on recovering,” the lady said, fluffing your pillow so you were more comfortable and covering you in a motherly way, a gesture you thanked with a warm smile.

“Mm, with you by my side I'm sure I'll do it soon,” you sighed, relaxed by the painkillers, closing your eyes slowly.

“Don't doubt it, (Y/N), don't doubt it for a second,” Donna said with a nervous voice, as if she had been bothered by your innocent comment. “I'll take care of you, amore mio…”

“Great… That's all I need,” you murmured sleepily after receiving a loving kiss on the forehead along with a sigh. “Mm? Donna, aren't you coming to bed?” you asked as you felt her weight disappear from the mattress.

“I'll sleep in the office, I don't want to move and hurt you,” the lady explained, covering you well again while you protested with a childish whine.

“Donna… Donnie…” you stammered, moving your hand erratically to reach and caress her black dress.

“I've told you a thousand times not to call me…” she hissed, suddenly stopping talking, as if she had realized something. “I'm sorry, call me whatever you want, okay?”

“Sleep here with me, please…” you sighed, trying not to let sleep take over you. “Come on, please, I'm so cold without you…”

“Um, are you cold? Wait, I'll get another blanket and…” she said hurriedly, moving away from your clumsy grip on her dress.

“I want you to be my blanket,” you protested with a fake sob. “Come with me, Donna, please… You won't say no to wounded girl, right?” you joked, unable to open your eyes.

“I would never be able to do that, (Y/N),” Donna whispered, sighing in surrender, kissing the back of your sleeping hand and finally agreeing to your request, snuggling up to you under the sheets.

Being in the chair was a great impediment to your daily routine.

Normally with the morning light your body asked for love with Donna, a full breakfast and a relaxing walk through the grounds. The nice weather was always a reason to leave the darkness of the old estate, even if it was for a moment.

But your leg prevented you from doing so. After a somewhat different breakfast, lacking coffee and toast, the lady in black kept her promise to take care of you, helping you get dressed, moving to the chair.

Of course, you couldn't complain, but, after spending hours in the living room doing nothing but reading the same books over and over again, you were starting to get bored. You even played cards with Angie, something you normally refused to do.

“Uff,” you sighed, looking at the midday sun rays that seemed to mock you.

Donna, as always, worked on her dolls tirelessly, far from you, leaving her faithful doll responsible for your care, a bit of a risky idea.

“I'm going for a walk, ah!” you said as you turned the chair around, hitting your injured leg against the wall. “Damn chair…”

“Do you need help, silly, silly?” the doll asked, climbing onto your knees. “Where are you going?”

“Leave me alone, Angie, I'm going for a walk,” you said, moving the chair with effort across the room. “Angie!”

“I'm sorry, silly, but I'm afraid I can't let you do that,” the doll protested, getting down from the chair and locking the wheels. “Donna has ordered me to take care of you and that's what I'm going to do.”

“Oh, Gods…” you sighed, trying unsuccessfully to unlock the wheels. “Stop fooling around, I just want to take a ride around the grounds.”

“No,” Angie said, comically shaking her head.

Luckily, those couple of years you spent in the mansion made you know the weak points of that sinister puppet, or well, almost.

“Okay, Angie, tell me one thing: If Donna asked you to take care of me… why are you bothering me?” you asked, playing a mind game that rarely worked out well for you.

“Am I bothering you?” Angie asked, letting you know that your poor strategy was working. “Oh, wait…”

The doll quickly unlocked your chair, letting you move again with a satisfied smile towards the front door, managing to open it clumsily, but finding another obstacle in front of you.

“Oh…” you sighed when you saw the steps that separated you from a relaxing walk. “I don't think so…”

“Any problem?” the doll's mocking voice returned to your ears along with small steps on the wood.

“Yes…” you said, exhausted. “I can't go down… I'm going to ask Donna to help me.”

“You don't need to bother Donna for that, silly, I'm here,” Angie said with a cocky voice, walking behind your chair. “You want to go down there, right? I'll push you.”

“W-Wait,” you said, scared when the doll started to move your chair towards a sure fall. “Wait, Angie, wait… Not you.”

“Come on, silly, trust me,” she said laughing sinisterly, bringing you closer and closer to the stairs.

“No, no… Donna!” you screamed hastily as you saw how you lost your balance, about to fall down the stairs.

A strong tug on the chair stopped you from falling and behind you, the lady in black dragged you back, closing the door.

“(Y/N) what are you doing?” the brunette asked, turning the chair around and leaning towards you, caressing your cheek.

“Oh, Donna, thank you…” you said with a smile, one that she briefly returned. “I wanted to go out for a walk and Angie…”

“Angie!” the lady yelled furiously, causing the doll to run away in terror.

“What? I just wanted to help,” the puppet protested, comically taking refuge behind a table.

“It doesn't matter, Donna,” you said tenderly, redirecting the lady's attention to you. “Can you help me down the stairs? I'd like to take a walk around the grounds”

“No, not at all,” Donna said, shaking her head and pushing your chair into the living room quickly. “You can't move.”

“It's just a walk, nothing's going to happen to me,” you said, crossing your arms. “I need some fresh air.”

“No, what you need is to eat, (Y/N),” Donna corrected with a tender smile, touching the tip of your nose with her finger and going back behind you to push you towards the table. “That's it... Here...”

You looked at your steaming plate, closing your eyes. When you opened them, disappointment was the only thing you thought about.

“What’s this?” you asked, moving towards a clear and bland bowl of soup while the lady in black sat on a chair next to you.

“Soup,” she said indifferently, with a knowing smile. “Let's see...” she commented to herself, placing a napkin around your neck and getting a little closer to you.

“Soup? But Donna, today is Lasagna Wednesday...” you protested, trying to grab the spoon, something impossible, since her hand moved it out of your path.

“You have to recover, tesoro, I'm convinced that the soup it’s good for it,” she commented, bringing a spoonful to your mouth, one that you didn't see coming. “Is it too hot?”

“Um, no, but…” you said, shaking your head at the discomfort of her feeding you, something unimportant, for the moment… “But, nothing is wrong with my stomach, I can eat anything.”

“Shh, don't protest, amore mio, you'll see how good it feels for you,” she said with a tender smile, feeding you in a disturbing way. “Come on, open your mouth…”

“Hey, stop,” ​​you said, refusing to take another spoonful, grabbing her wrist. “I can eat by myself.”

“You shouldn't make unnecessary efforts,” she said, elegantly fighting your protests. “(Y/N)…”

“No, Donna, this, is excessive… Nothing is wrong with my arms, I can do it by myself,” you said annoyed by her insistence.

“You're acting like a child,” she said in a stern tone, with a cold look that made you groan and turn away from her attempts to feed you.

“Really?” you said, pointing at the napkin that covered your chest. “Maybe because I look like a child. Seriously, Donna, stop worrying that much.”

“That's what you said last night,” she whispered, dipping the spoon into the soup again.

You sighed, realizing that it was too strong an argument, besides, moving in the chair made your arms sore. Surely the lady in black felt guilty in some way, you couldn't be mad at her, she was right, after all.

“Oh, okay, okay, just for once,” you whispered, opening your mouth for her to continue feeding you with a satisfied smile. “This is weird…”

“Strano? Perché?” she asked, wiping you with the napkin, a gesture that made you shift uncomfortably. “I'm just taking care of you, it's my duty.”

“Yes, but... Well, you know what? It doesn't matter, thanks, Donna,” you said with a smile, forgetting that discomfort, seeing the sparkle in her eye, a sparkle full of love, of responsibility.

An excessive tenderness couldn't be bad, right?

You might think that maybe Lady Beneviento had never had that situation where someone depended on her and not the other way. You knew her past, her illness, the horrible things that happened to her family, how the poor gardener took care of her until… Well, that didn't matter.

You knew that it was something new for her, just like love before she met you. Taking care of the person you loved didn't just seem like a simple task to Donna, it seemed like something much more important, an act of unconditional love, a desperate attempt to show that she would always be by your side.

As the first day went by, you realized that this overprotective attitude was far from changing.

Dinner was exactly the same as lunch, a disturbing moment in which the brunette fed you as if you were… A doll. That was a fleeting thought at first, but as the days went by, it became stronger and stronger.

“I'll be right back,” you said an afternoon when you were reading next to her quietly in your chair. At least those caresses, those stolen kisses hadn't changed.

“Where are you going?” the lady asked, putting her book aside and looking at you almost fearfully.

“Um, to the bathroom,” you said with a shy smile, slowly moving your chair and looking away because of your blush.

“Oh, yes... Wait,” Donna said, getting up from the sofa and grabbing the chair handlebars again. “Let me help you.”

“Um, no, I can do it,” you said shaking your head, putting your hands on the wheels so the brunette couldn't drag it.

“No, you can't, tesoro, come on, I'll take you,” the lady said, gently slapping your hands and taking you to the elevator.

You rolled your eyes, resting your hands on the elevator doors.

“(Y/N),” the lady hissed, removing your hands with an annoyed, disturbingly motherly gasp. “Stop fooling around, will you?”

“I don't need help with… That,” you protested, crossing your arms helplessly. “I've been going to the bathroom by myself all these days.”

“Yes, without telling me,” she said, entering the elevator with you and pressing the button nervously. “What if something had happened to you?”

“What could happen to me in the bathroom?” you asked in a slightly angry, incredulous tone. “I manage fine, honey, I don't need you to…”

“A lot of things, (Y/N). You could slip and… Oh, Gods, you could hit your head, you could fall and…”

“Don't talk nonsense, nothing is going to happen to me, besides, it's, it's something private...” you murmured, letting yourself be carried through the dark basement corridors. “Really, Donna, I've already told you that I can do it alone.”

“And I've told you that I'm not going to risk anything happening to you,” she said in a petulant tone, while she lifted you up in a humiliating manner, uncomfortably freeing you from your underwear while she sat you on the toilet.

“This is humiliating...” you growled, shaking your head. “Do you mind leaving me alone?”

“Oh, certo,” she said, shaking her head with a shy smile, closing the door slowly. “Tell me when you're done.”

“Ugh, damn it,” you hissed protesting, dying of embarrassment, with your face completely red.

Completely refusing to need her help, you sat back down on the chair without difficulty, heading out the door.

“What are you doing?” Donna asked, waiting patiently outside the bathroom, grabbing your chair before you could escape again. “I told you to let me know.”

“And I told you I could do it alone,” you protested. “Hey, stop, I don’t need you to carry me.”

“You’re so stubborn,” she said, ignoring your protests. “Look at you, did you even comb your hair this morning?”

“What? What’s wrong with my hair?” you asked grumbling, crossing your arms as she led you to the bedroom.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it, my precious girl,” the lady said, leaving you in front of the vanity and adorning your cheek with a chaste kiss.

“Um, Donna, I think you're going too far,” you commented as she hummed happily while gently brushing your hair. “I don't need you to comb my hair.”

“Shh, amore mio,” she said softly in a disturbing whisper, kissing you again. “You have to look beautiful, mm? Beautiful for me…”

“Donna, you're scaring me,” you said frowning. “Have you taken your medication today?”

“What's with that unpleasant question? Shh, turn around…” she protested, her trembling hands manipulating your hair. “Of course I have.”

“Oh, okay…” you said when you felt a strong tug on your hair, one of the signs that indicated that the lady was nervous, something dangerous. “It's just that… I think, I think that you don't need to… Do so many things for me… I, I feel a bit overwhelmed.”

“Why? I just want to take care of you,” she said, softening her movements. “Is my love for you annoying?”

“What? Oh, Donna, don't start with your paranoia,” you said sighing. “I'm just saying that you don't have to... Comb my hair and feed me and...”

“Yes I have to,” she said in a brusque tone, tying your hair in a perfect ponytail, letting you look at yourself in the mirror. “Do you like it?”

“Um, yes but...” you said nervously unable to properly show her the reason for your discomfort.

“La mia piccola bambola...” she whispered, kissing you again, getting her lips on yours to stop your protests.

“Bambola?” you asked with a frown. “Did you call me doll?”

“Mm,” she said, nodding and resting her head on your shoulder, looking at your reflection in the mirror. “The most beautiful doll.”

“Oh, okay...” you sighed confused.

A broken doll? Was that what you were for her?

Your protests weren’t of much use, perhaps because you weren’t clear enough. Yes, you needed Donna’s help with certain things: getting dressed, getting out of bed, going to bed… But with everything else, you could do it on your own, something she didn’t understand.

Little by little, as time went by, that excessive care began to become more and more overwhelming. Donna was always taking care of you. She even stopped making her dolls to give you all her attention.

The tension increased, if only on your part. You felt more and more like a doll, and less like a human being. That overwhelming care was taking its toll on your health, which only made the situation worse. You had completely lost your independence, your freedom. At least that was the way your mind interpreted everything that was happening.

If only you hadn't gone to change that fuse...

“Careful, careful, (Y/N),” the lady said, helping you walk towards the sofa leaning on two crutches, something that your improvement allowed, but that, contrary to what you thought, didn’t serve to relax the brunette, rather the opposite. “I don't know why you insist on using those crutches. You could slip and break your other leg.”

“I'm much better, Donna,” you said with a fake smile, anger and tension masking your words. “I feel better like this.”

“Well, I don't,” she said, helping you to sit down. “You should keep using the chair.”

“That's what you'd like, right? No, thanks,” you protested, picking up the book you were reading, hissing in pain as you moved your still injured leg.

“Why do you say that? You're very grumpy lately, tesoro,” she said, sitting next to you and brushing a lock of hair away from your face.

“It must be that I didn't do photosynthesis today,” you said ironically, opening the book and ignoring the brunette's gaze. “Hey, where's Angie?”

“Oh, um, I deactivated her for a while, I think she was giving you nothing but trouble,” she explained, fluffing a cushion and placing it behind you in a motherly way, something you began to hate deeply.

“I never thought I'd say this but... I miss her,” you said sighing, hissing in pain as you held the book. Those crutches hurt your hands terribly.

“Wait, stop, let me help you,” she said, taking the book from your hands. “Okay, that's it...”

“You don't have to...” you protested, shaking your head.

“How about I read to you? You'll get less tired that way,” she suggested in an innocent way.

“No,” you said abruptly, snatching the book from her hands. “Don't you have to make your dolls?”

“N-No, I p-prefer to stay with you,” she stammered with a smile deformed by your abruptness.

“You know what? I don't want you to stay with me,” you said, without looking at her face. “I want to be alone, Donna.”

“But...”

“Is it really so hard for you to understand that I want some room? You haven't left me alone for a month, treating me like a baby, no, like a doll... Is that what I am to you? A broken doll?” you said angrily, leaving the book and crossing your arms.

“What? Why, why do you talk to me like that?” the lady asked with a sad look, controlling the tone of her voice. “Does it hurt?”

“No, it doesn't hurt! I can't breathe, you don't let me live, you don't let me breathe! I'm sick of you!” you screamed irrationally. “Leave me alone!”

“(Y/N)…” she whispered, surprised by your reaction. “I'm just trying to…”

“Take care of me? You just annoy me, Donna,” you growled, crossing your arms. “I want you to leave me alone, to stop making soup, to revive Angie, to things to be like before, is that too much to ask?”

“That's, that's what I'm trying to do, for you to recover and…” she said, blinking nervously.

“No!” you shrieked, gesturing with your arms. “What you're trying to do is turn me into a doll.”

“How can you say that?” Donna asked in a harsher tone, getting up from the couch. “I can't believe you're that ungrateful.”

“You bore me, Donna, leave me alone, I can do everything myself, I don't need you, do you understand?” you said in an unpleasant way. “Let me breathe.”

“I…” she murmured, nervous and confused, with tears in her eye that soon ran down her cheek. “I've done something wrong… I've let you down and… You'll leave me…”

“Stop talking nonsense, I just want you to stop treating me like a useless person,” you said, with that same arrogance. “Can you do it?”

“I, I love you, and… I don't want anything to happen to you and… Have I done wrong? What have I done? What…?” she said nervously, shaking her head and squeezing it in her hands. “I just wanted to take care of you…”

“Donna,” you said, relaxing your attitude when you saw her nervous. “Listen, Donna, I…”

“You can't leave me, you can't… You can't… You, you need me…”

“No, that's not true,” you said softer. “Not the way you think, honey.”

“No…! No…!” she shrieked, disappearing down the hall, finally leaving you alone.

Your contained rage forced you not to move, to read quietly as you wished, at least for a while.

The sun disappeared from the window and with the nightfall your thoughts relaxed. Yes, maybe Donna was overwhelming but… You loved her, you loved her just the way she was.

“I'm stupid…” you muttered, closing the book and picking up your crutches.

It was time for an apology. Overwhelming or not, she had taken better care of you than anyone else. Maybe you were that grumpy.

“Shit!” you screamed when one of your crutches got tangled in the carpet, making you fall to the floor with a crash. “Oh…”

Lying on the cold wooden floor, with the only vision of the ceiling and unable to get up, you began to understand your situation. You couldn't believe what you said to poor Donna, your stupid way of reacting to her excessive care.

She was very overwhelming, she worried too much but… How could you live without her? You simply couldn't.

The feeling of being wrapped in her arms was present in the absence of her warmth surrounding you, in the lack of her kisses, her caresses. After all, it was your fault and she, she was only trying to take care of you, in her own way.

The sound of the heels distracted you from your regret and the lady in black appeared, eclipsing the vision you had of the ceiling.

“Yes, I know, I'm stupid, ungrateful...” you murmured, sobbing before her cold gaze, one that revealed a terrible crisis that fortunately you didn’t see. “I fell... But, but I was going to apologize to you.”

“Mm,” she murmured, with her hands on her hips.

“I know I've been mean to you and I know your intentions were good but... I was just a bit overwhelmed and... Well, I think I took it out on you,” you explained.

“Did you hurt yourself?” she asked, helping you to stand up without saying another word, checking your condition.

“Um, no…” you sighed, letting yourself be helped and led back to the couch. “Hey, Donna… I, I'm sorry.”

“What are you sorry about?” she asked, without looking at your face, playing with her hands in her lap.

“I'm sorry for saying those things to you and telling you that… That I didn't need you,” you whispered embarrassed.

She nodded slowly.

“I didn't know I was doing things wrong, (Y/N), I just wanted you not to hurt yourself and…” the lady sobbed, shaking her head. “I'm useless.”

“Don't say that,” you said, interrupting her laments. “Donna, you're a wonderful woman, really. No one has treated me as well as you but… Well, it's just that I like to feel that I'm not a burden, you know, that I can do things by myself.”

“You'll never be a burden to me,” Donna murmured, shyly taking your hand and caressing it to relax herself.

“Hey, let's forget it, okay? I just ask that you don't be so... Well, that you let me eat by myself, at least,” you joked, turning her head slowly, wiping away one of her tears.

“O-Okay... I'll... I'll try to be less... I,” she said, with a sad smile.

“Great, issue resolved,” you said, stealing a shy kiss on her lips, one that made her laugh softly. “I'll also let you... Well, help me. Look, for example, I'd like to read one of the books that are upstairs, the day I went up they seemed very interesting to me…”

“A book from upstairs?” she asked, bewildered.

“Yeah, well, that's something I do need some help with,” you joked, nudging her. “I'll let you choose, okay?”

“O-Okay,” she said with a sincere smile again, getting up from the couch.

You laughed, pulling her back to steal another kiss as she headed for the stairs, going up to the upper floor.

“(Y/N)?” she asked after a few minutes.

“Yeah, I'm coming,” you said slowly getting up and walking towards the hall, where she was waiting for you waving a book in her hands.

“What do you think of this one?” she asked with a smile, as if she had forgotten everything that had happened. She was wonderful, really wonderful.

“Oh, yeah, great,” you said leaning on your crutches and following the lady with your eyes as she began to slowly go down.

“Cazzo!” she suddenly squealed as she tripped on the same loose bar as you comically and crashing down the stairs, landing face up in front of you. “Porca puttana…”

“Oh, my, Donna,” you said, holding back your laughter at the lady’s funny fall, one that you knew had been harmless for her. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yes, it was nothing,” she said, proudly, rubbing her back. “Damn stairs…”

“Mm, honey…” you murmured amused as the lady stood up cursing in Italian, a golden opportunity for your sarcasm. “Relax, I’ll make you some soup right now…”

[cromulent-marshland]

I know I'm going to be insane about Lisa Frankenstein for the rest of the year and I loved every bit of it. Today, I want to talk about female rage, especially teenager female rage portrayed in the movie.

I was a teenage girl not that long ago (notably in the late 2010's, when I hadn't even known I was non-binary), and what I remember about it is that people, (family members, teachers, adults in my life) never wanted me to be angry. I was a ball of emotions, but I had to be the rational one. I had to be the centered one. Not my little brother, or even my older brother, not my male classmates, just me and the other teenage girls. I couldn't lose my head or I was a bitch. I couldn't cry or I was a sensitive baby. I had to be happy or I wasn't worth the attention of others.

Lisa has the same problem every other girl has. If you have complex emotions, like grief or anger or sadness, nobody wants to see them. You can deal with that stuff on your own. Taffy gets the attention because she hides those "unsavory" emotions behind smiles and mascara. When she finally shows any kind of trauma, she is ignored, thrown away like a piece of garbage.

That's why I love Lisa and the Creature's relationship. The Creature can tell that Lisa is struggling, and he knows the consequences of what it is to be a woman whose emotions are different or hard to hide. He saw it in the early 1800's, where woman were considered crazy or filled with hysteria if they didn't conform to the standards men wanted them to be. They had wandering womb syndrome, or they were old maids, or they were locked up, literally hidden from society.

He sees Lisa struggling, and does everything in his power to make her feel validated in her struggles. Her rage doesn't make him hate her, just the opposite. Her sadness is his vindication to go after the ones that hurt her. When she feels happy, true happiness, he does too. He accepts her for the flawed human being she is, and in return, so does she.

Everything she does for him only changes him physically. His emotions never change for her. He doesn't get mad at her when she acts irrational. He's jealous when she goes to Michael's, but still drives her anyway and protects her when she gets hurt, literally shielding her with his body.

More movies need to show that teenage girls that are flawed. Teenage girls are angry. They aren't pretty little flowers. They feel rage and anger in a system when their pain is mitigated.

I want more teenage girls in film to fight people, get angry, chop off abuser's hands, or just allowed to show those "bad" emotions. It doesn't make them villains. It doesn't make them horrible people. It makes them human.

[whereserpentswalk]

There is a factory out there thats powered by dragons. There are a lot actually, dozens across America, and even more in Germany and France and Poland. For hours on end they'll have dragons, big ones, small ones, breathing fire to generate heat and power. It's an old method but it's efficient.

Back in the old days they uses to capture dragons from their lairs to generate power. But in the modern era they pay them wages. Most dragons need money to live too, now that the cattle are all well guarded in factory farms. So the poorest of them need to do things like power factories to make money to eat.

Of course, even in this economy a dragon is hard to control. Especially when you have many in one place. Even with our best sorcerers, and our best guns, few things can stop them, they can heal from any wound, and their fire can melt even steel. They'll ally with the goblins and orcs and humans that mine the raw materials, and the elves and dwarves and humans who work the assembly lines. They can burn down the entire factory, find whatever little human who runs it and threaten to kill him if he doesn't meet their demands, to pay them more, or to make it so they work fewer hours. And if worse comes to worse they can retreat into the forest with the cryptids and the fae.

So they controlled them in another way. The richest creatures in the world, the landlords, and the demon princes, and the old executives, and the vampire kings, started to make the world fear dragons. They made their propaganda, though they called it news and social science, about the dangers of dragons, about how the dragons would burn down the nearby villages if they revolted, how they wanted to take control for themselves and how they'd reign and tyrants. And the people agreed, and soon if the dragons tried to revolt, the army would surround them. And there would be no alliance with the other workers. And new laws were made to protect people the dragons never wanted to hurt from the dragons.

And soon as time went on people wrote books and stories and plays where the dragons were villains. And when that was less socially acceptable, it became commplace that kajiu or aliens who were villains would look like dragons, and conform to all their stereotypes. And the people felt more and more in danger as more and more protocols were made to assure their safety.

And now years later, now that dragons are rare, now that so many are in the factories, it's become fun. Now the towns near the factories will have dragon tours for tourists, and little dragon dolls to sell. Now it is so cute, and so marketable, and so very far away where they're closest.

But the factories still burn sometimes. It always happens sometimes. Even when nobody will ever give into their demands. There are still dragons who fly away into the night. There is still nothing that can contain a dragon, not if it truly wishes to be free.

[none-house-left-grief]

can i say that as a butch lesbian seeing so many people turning a butch character into a trans man or giving her top surgery feels very invalidating its like people connect being a masculine woman with being a man and it's not a good feeling. i know its not done to hurt me or women like me but y'know. why aren't as many people turning non butch characters into trans men? y'know what im saying? we're not the same thing

Hey, fellow butch here. I personally like to see and draw Gideon with top scars because I myself have chest dysphoria and it feels good to see something I want for myself in a character I already feel really connected with. I understand the feeling of frustration when people characterize or see characters in a different way that just doesn't resonate with you, but personally, I haven't seen a single instance of people making Gideon a trans man specifically. Trans man is not the same as transmasculine, which a lot of butches identify as/with.

I don't understand the purpose of sending me an ask like this. Are asking me not to draw or reblog art of Gideon as transmasc? Are you just venting out a frustration you have? In either case, just go touch grass. I'm not your dad, I'm just some guy with a blog and like 2000 followers. I don't want to come off as mean but you are responsible for curating your online space and for regulating your own thoughts and emotions. I won't tell you not to be upset but I will say this: I have never seen a character in popular media that has top scars and is also butch. I like seeing people do this because it is a representation I simply just don't get. It's okay not to like it or agree but you need to understand that people do it for a reason. It's not to invalidate you and your identity, but to make themselves feel seen.

Btw, cis women can get top surgery too. It's not specifically about making butches into men (which feels a little TERF-adjacent to say ngl), it's that many butches (who are by nature gender non-conforming) do irl get top surgery (and HRT, bottom surgery, etc). A lot of us use masculine names, pronouns, etc, but that doesn't mean we're trans men. That also doesn't mean if you do feel connected to womanhood, feel at home in your own body, or are in general the more normative cis butch that you're not a real butch. Groups aren't monoliths and butches are very diverse and unique. Nobody can tell you who you are or what to do with your own body, so it feels unrealistic to tell others what to do in a similar regard (not to mention Gideon is not real so it literally doesn't matter)

[labyrinthofsphinx]

With all this talk of moral codes and all I've just got to ask- what moral codes do the three of you follow? I mean obviously neither Vox or Al want to hurt kids but Drift absolutely seems down to throw hands with them lol. But what other lines in the sand have been drawn?

Also, what are your favorite books? Vox, have you ever read The Sea-Wolf by Jack London?

So....this one will be getting into some story bits, just by the nature of what was asked:

The kid's code was kinda touched upon here a little and shown in Something Wicked, but generally...he's not a killer. He can and will scrap with anyone, if he decides there's a just reason, which can be as simple as a harsh enough insult. But he doesn't care who they are, men, women, or children. If he thinks you've earned it, one way or another, he doesn't mind teaching a lesson, best he can at his small size and stature. He will lie, steal, and cheat...so long as nobody gets seriously hurt. But to anyone that hasn't earned it, he's very empathetic. It would hurt him to hurt someone else, even on accident, if they didn't do anything to deserve it.

Vox's 'code' is a little harder to pin down, namely because he doesn't have as set or strict 'rules' as Al. His 'reason' for violence is because it's what gets him to his goal, what 'removes the obstacle' shall we say. If he can use other methods, great! Less cleanup. But he's not afraid to 'pull the trigger' either. Also, similar to the kid, Vox does not care about who his targets are. He's not going to hesitate if its a woman. Almost nobody in his circles are entirely innocent either...but he really wouldn't flip about having to take an innocent life, if he deemed it necessary. Though, you won't find him doing it for fun. He doesn't get a kick out of it. It's just 'part of the job' in a sense. Kids are the only exception to this because, well, they're kids. They're never in his way, too young to understand anything, and too innocent for all that nonsense. Also, deep down, he really does have a special tender spot for them. Blame it on the expectations of the time, or having too much experience working with scared kids on Hollywood sets, but he likes kids.

Al is an entirely different case altogether because, here's the thing: he both cares the most and the least about his targets. Emotionally, he couldn't care less. He honestly, truly loves to do it. And if he ever did take a wholly innocent life, he wouldn't normally lose sleep over it, might even delight in it...except for his code. We're going to get into more specifics later as to how and why Al got his code, but just be aware that he swore to himself that he would only kill those he thinks deserved to rot in hell. He has a very, very strong bias against killing women because most women he's met, even the bad ones, were victims of circumstances beyond their control. He's much more apt to blame a man for a woman's mistakes than giving her the entire blame...something he will have to contend with Vox about further along the line. He refuses to kill children, period. In his eyes, they're all innocent and are therefore excluded. Even when they aren't innocent, they are. As for what, exactly, gets you on his list...it's a difficult line to define exactly. Things that will obviously get you on the list: murder, arson, any kind of sexual violence, harming kids in any way, so on and so forth. Basically, he decided that he's judge, jury, and executioner of the people who slipped through the cracks in the justice system. He does, however, need the conformation of the crime, which used to be harder in the days before Vox became his partner.

As for where the lines are drawn...that's going to be a plot point later on. Because these guys are going to pushing and prodding that line the whole time. Al and Vox already kinda had because, I mean, they have a witness to the crime that's certainly a problem...but he's a kid. That threw their 'go to' plan out the window. Alastor also had his line pushed with Vox himself, just because he's Vox. In any other situation, Vox would be a perfect candidate for his list: a murderer, a cheat, a greedy slime, etc. However, Vox was useful...then he was a friend...now he's kinda more than that. Now he doesn't count for the list because he's attached to him. But, in the back of Al's head, in a nebulous sort of way, he knows Vox still checks all his boxes, even in ways that Rosie and Mimzy couldn't because, again, they're girls. It isn't lost on Vox either. He's just decided that if Al wasn't going to off him when they first became partners, then he never was going to.

I kinda sum it up like this: The kid is in survival mode, any extreme will only be even considered if it's do or die. Vox is opportunistic, and he's doesn't care about violence either way. And Alastor is the genuine article, the real hunter here, and the only one who actually, really enjoys and craves violence.

On a less dark note, the kid loves comic books, detective stories, and travel journals. He's also a big fan of old stories of heroes doing great and crazy things. Vox is a 'modern' story enthusiast, things like The Great Gatsby are his go tos, though he does like Jules Verne a lot too (also secretly loves old romance stories and poems but he will go to his grave denying it). Alastor loves ghost stories. He also doesn't mind the occasional thriller and horror genres, particularly gothic or eldritch horror.

And, yes, at some point, Vox probably would've read The Sea-Wolf.

Thanks for the ask!

[several-mice]

“And a little conformity never hurt nobody, but lately I’ve been worried that you’re losing yourself”

A drawing based on Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave.

[drdemonprince]

Dear dr. Price,

A follower pointed out your book Unmasking Autism to me and said it was a life-saver. I have put in on my birthday wishes list.

According to lists on the net, I am supposed to reflect on whether I am behaving in a way that is aims at others' needs or my own and so on. This is precisely my problem. I am closer to 50 than to 40 and have probably been masking for over 40 years. How can I know what type of behaviour is learnt? What is ingrained? Is it possible that I have passed the window where I can still find natural conduct?

If you could see your way clear to answer my concern, I should be much obliged.

Kind regards,

Maarten

Hi Maarten!

Thank you so much for your question. While I understand deeply the desire to try and sort out which elements of yourself are naturally you and which elements are learned behaviors linked to a lifetime of trauma, in actuality there is no separating them. There is only one you. You have only lived one life, and it was the (at times very challenging and invalidating) life that you had. Humans are social beings, it almost makes as little sense to thing of humans in individual terms as it does to discuss ants without talking about colonies. Who we are is social, interpersonal, relational, and interactive.

The good news about that, however, is that who we are and how we feel can change, so long as our circumstances do. To some degree, masking and inhibition may always feel natural to you. I've been utterly fixated on unmasking both personally and professionally for years now, and while I've opened up a lot and learned many communication skills, my default mode of operating is still always to clench up. I will probably carry that reflex inside me for all of my life. That reflex has helped me. That reflex has saved me a great many times. It's just also hurt me and cost me a ton. And these days I try to accept all of that, and accept myself as the mutable, fragile, self-protective, sensitive being that I am.

I think it is far easier to focus on small behaviors and desires (and not-desires) than it is to worry too much about who we "really are" who we "would have been" in a completely alternate reality where we hadn't suffered the experiences that we have. Thinking about a fully liberated and unfiltered alternate self is enticing, I fantasize about who I'd have been in a better world all the time, but that person does not exist, and never did, and never ever would have.

Neurotypical are harmed by neuro-conformity pressures too. Capitalism, white supremacy, and the gender binary restrict how all people behave today pretty severely. Nobody lives fully free right now. This might sound bleak, but it's also a fact that unites us, and thinking about it gives me some hope. It helps me realize that I'm not uniquely boxed inside myself and separated from other people -- I'm suffering from the exact same forces that all people do, just in my own way.

I'm not uniquely broken. Neither are you. But we are irrevocably shaped by our life experiences. Instead of trying to change who we are, or find some inner true self, which is a daunting task, I think that instead, we can just practice saying no to things that make us uncomfortable, asking for the changes to our environment that we do need in order to feel comfortable, sharing what we feel, and taking time regularly to take stock of our lives and figure out what it is that we want and we wish for. It starts small.

Little phrases like "I don't like that," "I don't feel good," "I'm not interested in talking about that," "I'm going to go do something else," "Here's what i believe," "I don't agree with you," "I really need [thing]," and "I want to build a life with more room for [thing] in it" are some places to start. Truly, the more you get in the practice of saying such things, the better you get at noticing how you are feeling, and the more feelings and wants and not-wants you become able to self advocate for. It's not about becoming a new person, or throwing off the mask in one go. It's a skill, and anyone can develop a skill. You might as well make the rest of your life better. No amount of suffering in the past condemns you to needing to feel shitty about your desires forever.

[soggytapeworm]

Round 1 - 13th Battle

REMEMBER: VOTE FOR THE SONG YOU THINK IS THE WORST, NOT THE BEST! WHICHEVER SONG HAS MORE VOTES IS GOING TO BE COUNTED AS THE WORST. so like consider that.

I am in fucking shambles why did my fav song have to go against a more popular one💔💔

Marsha, Thankk You For The Dialectics, But I Need You To Leave

“A little conformity never hurt nobody, but lately I’ve been worried that you’re losing yourself”

2econd 2ight 2eer

“I didn’t lose it babe / There wasn’t much to find”

[psychicwound]

sorry i dislike the implications that mike 'i'm not important' yates who literally throws himself off a liff at some point isnt suicidal...

[absolute-lithops-effecting]

When will wood said "they say grow up be a mam cause until then you're nothing but a short haired girl"

When will wood said "i was nothing before, so i couldn't have asked to be born"

When will wood said "never learned how I should feel, instincts somehow stunted, just seem haunted by my stupid urge to protect"

When will wood said "dandelion seeds yet to ride on the breeze, you make a wish upon the dead but turn and call it a weed. Only plastic never die"

When will wood said "you fill your head with thoughts you find you can't even feel. Try to make room in your skull but it's full of them. All of the things that you think and think about thinking. I know it's hard, but they’re not who you are. They're white noise"

When will wood said "and a little conformity never hurt nobody, but lately I’ve been worried that you’re losing yourself. So how many milligrams of you are still left in there?"

When will wood said "baby could you play along with me? Baby would that be alright with you? And when we find out what's wrong with me, could you tell me jow could you tell me how and if i'm still pretty?"

When will wood said "it's lonely out here socrates"

When will wood said "but i'll tell you what i'm not afraid to die, i'm more afraid of what might happen first. Either way it's not like we'll get out alive. I can't say that i know which one is wrose"

When will wood said "everybody knows that, nobody knows that, everybody's in on my motherfucking business"

When will wood said "so come on, William, grow up, be a man, ‘cause until then they’re gonna treat you like you’re just a little girl"

When will wood said "everything's useless especially songs, it think the truth is that everyone's wrong. Still sing along, still sing a long long time. I might keep looking for nothing to find, they say "keep tracking it's all in your mind, jimmy you're fine," end of the line, gaining speed, wrapping trees"

When will wood said "oh are you at all like me? Do you know what i mean, or am i too close to see? Someone, anyone!"

When will wood said "why to thine own self be true when it is you who are the problem, not the things you do but something deep inside."

When will wood said "I might be a saint worth steeple, i might be the brain of evil. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to me."

When will wood said "Although my eyes face forward, climb up on my shoulder. sure you'll see my point of view, I'd bring you with me to the office in my pocket, but the world would put us down. Lock me up and toss the key. You might seem behind bars but friend this cage is inside out.."

When will wood said "Is there cheese in the great beyond? Rinds of parmesan, wine to water, night from dawn. Life gets shorter, teeth grow long. Mind me not and I’ll mind my own and my mind’s not one bite smaller or lesser than yours. Do I belong in right and wrong? Nature, I guess."

When will wood said "Thursday traction, Tuesday titration. My hope is to assess through my objective report of your subjective conjecture whether this proprietary blend of expertise and seasoning works as well as this transorbital ice pick. Holistic ballistics, you got a better idea? It’s about the best we could come up with. What, you think ideas spread because they’re good? No, they spread because people like them. So here we are once again. Holding, as it were, a mirror up to your mirror. I guess it’s just something people do."

When will wood said "Ain’t your you-dentity at stake? Does aspirin kill you with the pain?You’re not your thoughts, you’re not your brain, you’re just the character you’ve made. Up in your head, down in your heart, what seem like separate body parts come together to believe they’re you, and not just chemistry"

When will wood said-

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hi again! Still not a request for mini-prompts lol, but more songs. This time it’s specifically about Julian :)

I was listening to Will Wood while working on some art, and I didn’t realize how many songs remind me of him! I found some new favorites, so I thought I’d share them. Excuse the titles on these, some of them are really long ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ || CW for mentions of alcoholism, pills, sickness, death, and angst!!!

- Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Mary Bell Township! (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally

The instrumental is so jaunty and jazzy that he’s the first character I thought of. The lyrics, not so much, but It’ll do. Will Wood has a pretty versatile voice, so I think it fits Julian!

- Love Me, Normally

The instrumental also fits that jazzy, dramatic vibe of his- and this time, the lyrics do too. These are ones that stuck out to me:

“Won't follow my dreams/ No, they've all got me waking up screaming / I drank myself to death to be the afterlife of the party/ When the afterparty came, I was rolling in my grave”

- Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave

This one makes me think about how it must have felt being locked in the dungeons during the plague. Valdemar mentioned in Julian’s route that he was a jokester (even though they have the worst sense of humor) who tried to keep the mood high as a way to cope with the situation. If anyone told me he didn’t lose a bit (a LOT) of himself down there I’d probably just laugh, because that was literally traumatic. These are the lyrics i’d quote to envision that:

“Cause back in my day we didn't need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists / No, we just drank ourselves to death, and god damn it, we liked it”

“Who makes the call? What's a symptom, what's a flaw? / Can it be both? Well I suppose that's an answer / Would you give up your humanity for just a touch of sanity / Cause God knows it's not like it's cancer”

“And a little conformity never hurt nobody / But lately I've been worried that you're losing yourself / So how many milligrams of you are still left in there/ Cause back in my day we didn't need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists”

- Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)

This makes me think about his anxiety and depression concerning his supposed murder of Count Lucio. He’s made it clear that he really believes he’s guilty, awful, filthy and however else you would describe a murderer. He took the “truth” of his past and made it his identity.

“Have you ever died in a nightmare / Woke up surprised you hadn't earned your fate /Could you take a look at me / Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad?”

“It doesn't take a killer to murder / It only takes a reason to kill / We've all got evidence of innocence, it's 'everything's coincidence' the / Difference twixt fate and free will is whether you're singing”

“So if you wash your hands of where you've been until you flood the second floor /Neatly fold your skeletons but still can't shut the closet door”

- Euthanasia

I can’t lie, this one made me cry a little bit. He definitely took the blame for MC catching the plague and dying from it under his watch. I started to feel second hand guilt. He knew there was nothing he could do to help us once we got really sick, and it hurt so bad. People say he would have a sort of sassy voice (picture Tulio from Road to El Dorado), and I agree! But imagining him singing this song just breaks me.

“Say you're not scared / That you know it's because I cared and / Say you know I love you, and that hope was just not there”

“And I know, I know that I'm wrong / That when you're gone, you're gone / And I can't bring you home/ But I want, I want to believe / That you'll remember me / When you're just memory”

“And every, everybody dies / Fighting for their lives / Just trying to survive / Well, now I know, I know why we say / That there's a better place /That waits beyond the grave”

That’s all I’ve got for now, and I’d like to hear other opinions on these songs too! This is just my personal analysis, and obviously I really love Julian enough to spend 2 hours doing this. I hope you like these as much as I do ^_^ Thanks for all you do, Brainrot!

@vegaspng you are not alone in thinking Will Wood songs fit Julian at all, I can't count the amount of songs that have been recommended for him by that artist and at this point it's halfway canon in my head XD

Thanks for breaking them down lyrics wise too! It's so cool to listen to songs the way other people do and share that common experience ^.^

I'm putting these on the playlist and the tag, thank you friend! :D

[agentplutonium]

another WIPW post

I can't remember the last time I did this and PK keeps enabling me SO gonna post this week. Not-so-unfortunately, I don't have anything fandom-related this week however I have been on an absolute bender for original universe content creation and i actually really want to share some of it. So, what I have for ya'll is a story based on how Vampires were created in my universe. It's a bit of a long one, so it will start under the cut. A little bit of information about it before then however: Despite being this world's gods, Terra and Caelus went a concerning amount of time before figuring out that Vampires had accidentally been created. Terra was briefly introduced in this post from a few WIPW ago, if you're interested. Anyway, onto the thing:

Terra never thought that this was possible. Her creatures were never supposed to hurt anybody, that wasn’t why she was making them. But, for some reason, the Strix didn’t conform to what she wanted. Caelus kept bringing up the problem, but Terra could only beg for more time with them.

“I can get through to them, I promise!” She would plead. “They’re just a bit stubborn, that’s all. That’s what happens when you give creatures free will.”

“I don’t know, Love,” Caelus would say, “I’m worried about the Humans. They already don’t like these creatures all that much. What if something were to happen?”

“I can do this,” Terra would insist. “On All Mother’s honor.”

The passionate fire behind Terra’s eyes was usually Caelus’ downfall, giving in to his Love once again.

For the longest time, Terra was making progress. It was slow, painfully slow, but it was progress none the less. Progress that was continuously cited every time she was challenged on the Strix’s existence. Terra was so certain that this would work out in the end, that it even started influencing Caelus’ thoughts on the matter too. They both thought that there was a breakthrough with the creatures just around the corner.

Oh, how they both could be so wrong.

They were quiet at first, the turnings. Nobody knew what was going on until there was an epidemic. Soon, there were Humans dying in every village, fear running rampant. Terra and Caelus were beside themselves trying to figure it out. It wasn’t until Terra witnessed what was going on did they figure it out. Terra was in the forest outside of Valhollow, looking for the Strix that resided there, wanting to warn them that they were to close. However, what she found instead was horrifying.

There was a teenaged girl walking along the path, presumably on her way back home. Terra stayed out of her way and hidden.

There was three whistle notes. A tune that Terra had never heard before. The girl, however, froze in her tracks. She spun around, eyes on the trees, chest rising and falling quickly. The notes again. A warning, it seemed. Or perhaps a call. Terra felt her heart sink in her chest. The girl bolted, tearing down the path as fast as she could. She didn’t get far before a swarm of the Strix flock descended on her. The girl screamed, a scream so visceral it made even Terra’s throat close up. The Strix squawked, their wings beating frantically all as they pecked and clawed at the girl, drawing more sounds of pain from her throat.

Terra cried out, stumbling forward. She slammed her hands into the ground, and it started bending and warping to her will, creating a dome around the girl to protect her. Terra, standing now, outstretched her hands and willed for the birds to disappear. It took more effort than she wanted, but one by one, the birds turned back into clay, before falling to the ground with a muffled whump. The creatures melted together upon impact, leaving a heap of crusty clay on top of Terra’s dome. Terra stumbled forward, hand reaching out and smoothing over her makeshift protection. The soil glowed softly around her fingers and at her touch, responding to her. The dome collapsed next, revealing the girl, sobbing and shivering, curled up on the ground.

Terra knelt down, reaching out and brushing the dirt off of the girl’s face. The girl groaned, but didn’t move away from the touch.

“It’s okay,” Terra whispered, “You’re okay.”

“Who are you?” a voice just beyond the girl said.

Terra’s head snapped up, eyes falling onto someone who she did not recognize. The stranger stared back, curiosity clear in their gaze.

“You’re not from here,” the person continued. “Who are you?”

“Terra,” Terra breathed finally. “What just happened?”

”You’re not human are you?” The person asked instead. “I’ve never seen power like that. Sure, there’s the Firmis, but I’ve never seen one of them exhibit that kind of power. What are you?”

“I can ask you the same thing,” Terra said, trying not to get annoyed at the diversion, “but, please, what just happened?”

“They found another victim,” the stranger said. There was a small puff of air, and suddenly they were on the other side of the girl. Terra blinked, not remembering seeing them move. “The creatures, I mean. I haven’t seen anything like them before I got attacked.”

“Strix,” Terra said, instinctively.

“Sorry?”

“They’re called Strix,” Terra repeated.

“Fascinating,” the person said. They turned their attention to the girl, hands brushing gently along her body. With each discovery of a new wound their expression grew more sour. They clicked their tongue when they came across a smear of gold liquid beside her lip. “That’s what I was afraid of,” they whispered.

“What?” Terra asked, wondering what this stranger meant.

“The blood got into her mouth. It means the change will happen soon.”

“What change?” Terra asked.

“She’ll turn like me,” the stranger gripped, looking back up at Terra, “a blood thirsty monster.”

At that moment, the moon shone down through the trees, illuminating the persons eyes, and Terra thought that she saw a hint of silver around their iris. Terra didn’t see it for long to continue wondering, though.

“Can you help? Reverse it maybe?”

“’Fraid not,” The stranger said. “We don’t die that easily. But, she’s lucky that I found her first. If she was alone, or, gods forbid, she was found by the others? This would be a whole different story.”

They slid their hands under the girl’s shoulders and knees, pulling another groan from her. It was ignored as the person, effortlessly it seemed, lifted her as they got to their feet. Terra followed suit, hands wringing in front of her.

“I’ll take care of her, don’t you worry,” the stranger said, giving Terra a small smile, “It was nice meeting you, Terra.” They turned to leave, but Terra stopped them.

“I didn’t catch your name,” She said. She felt like it was only fair.

“Dr. Farbridge,” The doctor said. They nodded to Terra, and within a blink, they were gone again.

Terra stood there for a moment, staring at the heaps of clay beneath her feet. The events of the night started to catch up, and Terra felt so many emotions coarse through her body. Anger, remorse, shame, grief. She didn’t know what to do with herself.

She had to tell Caelus.