#and Joon (separate conversation)

[5and3nevermind]

About Face Off:

About Alone and/or Face in general:

[seokjinsonlyone]

even more niche boyfriend things i think bts would do

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

namjoon:

not a newborn baby but is a big proponent of the kangaroo care concept; like loves to cuddle you while he’s shirtless; him on his back you laid on top of him, skin touching skin at every possible contact point; it does it for him every time

sends you pictures of animals he finds wandering around when he’s out and about 

takes soooo many pictures of you; don't get me wrong there's a fair share of couples photos like you're definitely taking selfies together whenever y'all go out but he takes twice as many off guard pictures of you as posed ones; definitely has a pic of you during golden hour forlornly looking out a window as his lockscreen

asks you to make him a playlist and listens to it whenever he misses you even if it's really disjointed and doesn't fit his mood simply bc you made it and he's always in the mood for you <333

learns to be more gentle around you so he becomes 5-7% less clumsy when you’re around

if you went to a party together i think there’d only be like one hour max where you’re separated from each other any more than that and y’all both start getting fidgety from missing each other bc if you’re in the same space you absolutely have to be together; when you do meet back up he tucks you up underneath his arm and kisses your temple and y’all are sickly cute for the rest of the night; like enough lovey dovey pda to make someone nauseous

always amazed at the amount of stuff you manage to bring out the house; like you'll come out after him and he sees you walking towards the car, arms stuffed to the brim with water bottles and lotions and umbrellas and whatever else you deemed necessary for the day's outings, so he has to rush to help you before you drop everything; eventually gets hip to the fact that you're a a girl and you're always gonna have bunch of things and starts pre-loading your belongings so you won't have to struggle

Oblivious Boyfriend™; as smart and emotionally intelligent and mindful as he is, he's not a mindreader; like he be so focused on his feelings for you, his passions, and his work that he lowkey don't know wtf going on outside of that; so if there's something going on around you or something wrong with you or you have a problem with him you're gonna have to spell it out lest he be none the wiser

doesn't like when you watch him work out because you're more of a distraction than anything but he does like going to you straight after working out; he gets a real kick out of the way you ogle him and feel up on his biceps while he's all pumped up 

he really likes when you call him cute nicknames; joon, joonie, joonie boonie, namu like it lowkey make his heart soar; his personal favorite is joon bug you call him that and he would literally steal the moon if you asked 

seokjin:

tests out all his new recipes on you; feeds you bites to taste along the way so you're not too hungry because he's a perfectionist and it takes him extra time for him to plate it; "the presentation is just as important as the taste!"

likes when you’re in the same room as him while he plays his games; not necessarily watching him but just your company is enough; switches between focusing on the game and engaging you in conversation so you won’t get bored; would actually love it if you did take an interest in whatever game he was playing; would take his time explaining the back story of each character and their strengths and weaknesses; would start a separate game so that you could play and have you sit between his legs while he helped you with the controls

has to kiss you at least 3 times before leaving the house; once when you wake up, once while you’re going through your morning routine, and once before you leave; more kisses may be shared but any less than three and he swears his whole day is thrown off

he’s going to pick at you; there’s just no way around it it’s in his nature; he won’t do it enough to make you actually annoyed but enough that you wanna smack him around a little; which… he likes things like that

has no problem singing and dancing whenever y'all are casually listening to music but if you actually wanted him to sing for you he'd get all shy, red in the ears and neck and would have to take a couple days to practice before following through

begs you to join him for tennis practice bc he wants you two to become the next venus and serena

y’all will do that one couples trend on tiktok where they paint each other and then reveal the pictures at the end and it’s not like yours is fantastic or anything but you can tell that you at least tried; meanwhile when you see seokjin’s painting you can’t tell if you’re looking at a distorted walrus or a possessed squirrel either way it is NOT you no matter how much he insists it looks like you

stays sending you thirst traps; like whenever he looks good whether it's bc he's all dolled up for some event or he's fresh out the shower with his hair slicked back or he just sees himself in a mirror and remembers he's worldwide handsome, his phone is out, he's putting a sultry look on his face, snapping a pic, and sending it straight to you

you binge watch animes together; no one will see or hear from either of y’all for like 5 days straight, complete radio silence; and when someone finally knocks on the door they see that y’all been camped out in the living room no phone in sight on season 6 of whatever anime y’all started last friday night  

must feed you every time you meet up; like if he has not seen you eat something in the time you spend together he has not completed his boyfriend duties; even if he comes to your place he has to make sure you have at least eaten a snack; doesn't matter how much you weigh he absolutely can not have you wasting away on his watch

yoongi:

gently tucks your hair behind your ear

always offers you his arm to link when it’s cold out so y’all can share each other’s warmth; he absolutely will still be wearing slides with no socks tho and you fuss at him about it every time

lets you play in his hair; just sits there nonchalantly while you give him the most ridiculous hair styles; pig tails, corn rows, mohawks; as long as you don’t cut nothing he doesn’t care fr; takes a picture when you’re done with that big gummy smile on full display bc of how silly he looks

says he's not a big social media person but one of his favorite past times is sitting down with you scrolling down your fyp for hours; makes you send the funniest videos to him so he can watch later

you’re one of the few people that he gains energy from being around so he likes your presence even when you’re not particularly doing anything; like you just be sitting next to each other or like be hand in hand on a walk around the neighborhood not even saying anything but in his head he’s thinking about what a great time he’s having 

if you're up late at night and start feeling peckish he'll make you some snacks even if he doesn't plan on eating; still scolds you about how eating late at night is bad as he's enabling you; ends up eating with you too

he doesn't like watching dramas with you; he'll claim it's bc of the plot but really he just doesn't like how you be kicking your feet and giggling at the male leads

not the best with verbal affirmations so whenever he does go out of his way to compliment you he ends up just as flustered as you are; “you look pretty today” and his cheeks are flushed more than yours 

always preps you to bargain and gathers together all coupons before y’all go grocery shopping; “just bc i’m rich doesn’t mean i like to be ripped off” 

he's always listening to you even when it seems like he's not; you could be rambling on about something and you think he's not paying attention so you stop midsentence and be like "are you even listening to what i'm saying?" and he looks up from whatever he was doing and then repeats back to you everything you said; has a great memory in general so he remembers everything you say and do even the small things that you forget about

hoseok:

sends ‘thinking of you’ texts just to let you know when you’re on his mind

if you start dancing to a song he gets all hyped up and he’s joining you immediately; hands on your hips moving you as he pleases; it’s a club wherever you and the music are

makes you one of his little beaded bracelets that says “ur my hope”

if you fell asleep in a position that looks uncomfortable he’d gently rearrange you until he got you in a more normal position; 100% the type to carry you bridal style to bed if you fell asleep for the night on the couch 

the type to pop up at your crib with an insane amount of the most exquisite, top tier take out and you gotta try to figure out who he think eating all this; doesn't even try to fight the boujee allegations when you tease him for bringing out caviar and truffles 

always takes pics of you when he thinks you look good; like you could be running late and you’re rushing trying to get out the door but hoseok is just gonna spend a good 30 seconds checking you out while you’re fussing at him and then be like wait a minute and starts posing you; has several organized folders of you because of this labeled by genre of your look; it’s easier that way so when he’s showing people pictures of you they won’t accidentally get a peek of something meant for his eyes only

loves the idea of you becoming his family so he really likes bringing you home; warms his heart to see you getting along with his parents and his sister; sets up a group chat with you him and his sister to help y'all talk more but lowkey gets pouty when y'all do get closer and be chatting and hanging out without him 💀

if you're not already together he'll facetime you in the morning; he won't have much to say at first other than a groggy good morning; but after he comes to terms with the fact that he has to be awake and takes a couple sips of his iced americano he's his usual ball of energy sunshiny self; will have you up doing morning stretches and light calisthenics at 6:30am

every couple weeks y'all go to the nail salon together and get mani-pedis; he leaves the acrylics and jewels and glitter to you but the overall color scheme and design aesthetic for your nails match; takes like 17 pictures of your hands together to show off

loves cuddling up to you on the couch so you can play in his hair; like each time his head is resting on your chest and your hand is running through his hair lightly scratching at his scalp he swears he’s reached nirvana 

jimin:

will drag you out the house in the middle of winter to drive down to the beach and watch the sunset together; you’d be huddled up together you sat in between his legs leaning against him his arms draped around your neck pulling you into him; you’d stay there sitting in the sand even after the night settled in just talking until you were shivering and sniffling then he’d take you to a cafe to get some hot cocoa to warm up 

randomly calls you in the middle of the night bc he misses your voice; smiles the entire he’s getting scolded for scaring you bc you thought something was wrong bc he called you at 2am

kisses your forehead, nose, and lips in that order every time you part ways 

hates knowing there's other people staring at you so like if you're out together and wearing like a hoodie or something and he notices you're garnering attention he zips it all the way up and pulls your hood over your head and tightens the strings so no one can see you; in turn knows you hate the thought that other people even think of him so he pretends they don't even exist; like you can literally point somebody out and be like "omg aren't they so pretty" and he's gonna avert his eyes in the opposite direction won't even look and just be like "you're so pretty. there's only you"

number one advocate for a lazy morning; snuggles into you, his head on your chest trapping you in; looks up at you with a goofy smile and preens when you press a kiss to his forehead

squishes your cheeks in both his hands when you're being too cute for him to handle

like the true feminist he is, he supports your rights and wrongs!!; like you get into it with somebody and then tell him the story afterwards he's hyping you up the entire time telling you that you were right and what you should've done and what he would've done if he were you; he's just always gonna be on your side

riles you up just bc he likes the reactions you make when you’re irritated 

it’s tea city when it comes to you two; like whatever you know he knows and whatever he knows you know; gossiping is actually one of your favorite bonding activities; he likes to play it up and drag it out whenever he finds something out; like he’s gonna text you and be like UR NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS!!!!! and you’ll be like WHAT and he’ll be like I HAVE TO TELL YOU IN PERSON OMG!!!! 😱 when it’s like noon knowing darn well he not getting off work until 10pm at the earliest 😭

likes to go with you when you have to “run errands” bc it’s usually just you doing girl things like getting coffee and then going to the store to buy snacks and skincare and he thinks it’s really adorable how you light up when you see small things in cute packages

taehyung:

has a series of like 12 hour logs in his phone recents list bc he stay falling asleep on facetime

makes it a point to hang out with your male friends just to assert dominance; doesn't matter if they have partners of their own or are completely uninterested in you he still wants to look them in their eye, shake their hand, and then put his arm around you to tie up any loose ends that may be dangling around

helps you pick the eyelashes out of your eye whenever one gets stuck

asks you to come over with the sole purpose of convincing you to take a nap with him; will straight up lie on the phone and tell you he wanna hang out and do this and that and then when you get over there he like let’s nap first; your cuddles just gon do it for him every time

uses kisses as bargaining chips; like if you need him to do something like idk take out the trash he's only gonna do it if you give him 3 kisses so you give him one as a down payment and the other 2 after he completes the task; (he was always gonna do what you asked but kisses make everything better)

likes to keep his hands free when he's out and about so he's always adding extra stuff to your purse; because he's always in your bag, he knows its exact content; you'll be frantically searching for your lip gloss and he'll ask what you're looking for and when you tell him he'll pull it out of some random side pocket he moved it to so he could make room for his stuff

will randomly wake up out of his sleep and call you just bc you crossed his mind; takes like 30 seconds to respond to anything you say bc he only half awake; the call lasts for like three minutes before he hangs up to go back to sleep 

as a big fan of roleplay at least once in your relationship he's gonna make y'all get all dressed up and go to a bar separately and act like strangers and he's gonna pretend to pick you up

if you sent him out to pick up period products last minute he’s the type that ask if you wanted lemon or lime flavor bc one package is yellow and the other is green 😭; alternatively would ask what’s your coochie size when he noticed the numbers on it

he’s not gonna let you win at any game you play; doesn’t matter how much you whine and pout he likes winning too much; god forbid you’re actually good at something he’s gonna try his very hardest and will even practice so that he eventually beats you; will give you all the prizes tho

jungkook:

if he gets bored while you’re asleep he’s gonna start messing with you; his favorite go to games are flicking your bottom lip until you tuck it in or start to gain consciousness and stacking cheerios on your forehead; his personal best is 9 of em 

hooks his chin over your shoulder to be nosy when you’re watching something on your phone that catches his attention

he understands that you’re not as nocturnal as he is but sometimes when you stay over at his place and he feels restless he can’t help but crave your attention; will wake you up at 4am gently with kisses so you can try some of the food he made; you’ll be half asleep with him kneeling in front of you feeding you some spicy noodles; he’ll patiently wait for you to finish chewing before he asks you if it��s good; makes you take at least one more bite before kissing your forehead and letting you go back to sleep; tucks himself up next to you about an hour later after he finishes cleaning up after himself 

you make funny tiktoks together; they never leave the drafts of course except for when he finds it particularly hilarious and sends it in the group chat 

threatens to beat up anyone who upsets you; like you tell him a story about someone who was upsetting you at work and his first response is "bring them to me. i'll take care of it"; and lord don't let someone get carried away at a club or something like if a guy starts hitting on you and won't take no for an answer before you can even tell them off he's already at the scene one shove away from being breaking news on every media outlet in the world

gets pouty when you have a night out without him but he understands the need for balance so doesn’t put up too much of a fight; his only stipulation is that if you can’t make it home on your own or your friends can’t drop you off that you always always call him; the thought of you getting into some randos car late at night when you’re not even mentally there all the way sends chills up his spine; he can’t sleep unless he knows you’re at home safe and sound anyway 

doesn't consciously have a preference for how you dress like he thinks you look good in whatever but you in a dress or a skirt itches a particular part of his id that would have carl jung doing backflips; like whenever you pop out in a dress or a skirt he's coming up to you and giving you a kiss on the lips while his arms wrap around your waist and 10-30 seconds later they're dropping down and his hands are toying with the ends of your garment and grazing your thighs underneath it; it just does it for him every time

you're his safe place <333; he goes through periods where you're the only person he wants to see; he will scare you half to death like you'll get off work and go home and you hear all this noise and whole time it's him in your kitchen making sandwiches for lunch; will make up for scaring you by tucking your face into his neck while his arms are wrapped tightly around you so he can breathe you in and then cupping your face and giving you kisses; you're his baby

you have matching hyperfixations; like one of you will get into something and won’t shut up about it and then being the supportive partner you are whenever you’re on social media you send the posts you stumble across to them; but then the algorithm picks up on it and the content keeps popping so often that you actually start being entertained by it too; then y’all won’t shut up about it and have inside jokes and no one ever knows what y’all are talking about bc it’s so deep down into the referential millennial dadaism

gets offended if you’re walking side by side and not touching in some way; like if you start walking ahead of him or something he’s gonna clear his throat very pointedly and when you look at him like ???? he’s gonna look at you like you’re stupid and pull you into him where you belong 

a/n: as promised she is back 🫡 thank you to everyone who encouraged me to repost 💕 pls continue to be kind my mental state is probably worse than it was before LOL

[kaolovess]

Hello 🤗🤗 can I pls request jealousy and crush headcanons for BTS members? Thank you very much 💞

BTS JEALOUSY/CRUSH HEADCANNONS

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was actually quite confused at this request ( I might be dumb) I didn't know if you wanted like bts having a crush on you and being jealous or both separately. So I just settled on separate. Overall thank you for being my first request, hopefully, this is to your liking!

WORD COUNT: 1,051

JIN - JEALOUSY :

I personally think he doesn’t get really jealous. He knows that you will never try to cheat on him or anything like that. He gets more mad than jealous. It just triggers a button when he sees someone flirting with you. Especially if you get uncomfortable- he’s getting you out of there in record seconds. 

He probably won’t care about you having guy friends either, I mean it’s the same as him having female friends? He will pay attention to how they treat you though.

JIN - CRUSH :

Admires you from afar. Doesn’t even stop staring when you look at him, How could he not though? You are beautiful- at least in his world. You make him question his looks, Yes, you make worldwide handsome question his looks. Ends up confessing at a ramen place.

YOONGI - JEALOUSY :

Why would he be jealous? He’s already had a talk with you about how he would understand if you were to fall out of love, or just like someone else. Hates when people make you uncomfortable, LIke how dare they? How would they like for someone to come up and punch them in the face?

Doesn’t care about guy best friends either, When you mentioned it, he said ‘There just there”.

YOONGI - CRUSH :

The boys probably told you about his crush, they just got sick of him talking about you for HOURS. I can just imagine his little gummy smile as he watches you from afar. ( is that creepy? ) Tries to impress you too!! :((. The boys end up somehow convincing him to confess his feelings towards you. (even though you are already aware.)

JHOPE - JEALOUSY : 

Jhope is actually pretty hard since I'm not very familiar with him yet, but I'll try!! I feel like he would get jealous, not in an extreme way, He would get jealous of how others treat you. He just wonders if he is as good as the other guy that is talking to you. Hates to see people flirt with you, which makes him worried that you actually like them back. :(((

He barely gets jealous with guy friends, there is not much of a reason for him too. Instead of getting jealous, he is probably besties with your guy friends.

JHOPE - CRUSH :

Gets so giggly when you look at him, He’s just sitting there giggling and you are like “What??”.  Can’t even focus when you're around. He’s just looking at your every single move, smiling. Probably leaves gifts at your doorstep (dw he put his name on them). Tries to find out what you are interested in so he can try it out too. It takes a bit for him to build up the courage to confess, so you end up doing it first.

NAMJOON - JEALOUSY :

I honestly can’t see Joon jealous. He’s a very understanding person, so he knows what your true intention is. He’ll pay more attention to how you feel around that person, Sad? Nervous? Scared? Angry? That’s what he’s looking to find. He just doesn’t want to make the same mistakes that person may be making.

Never gets jealous when it comes to guy best friends, He actually gets along with them pretty well too. You found out once that he was hanging out with them.

NAMJOON - CRUSH :

Tries to talk to you any chance he gets. Also pretty good at hiding his crush, But gets shy so fast when you talk to him.  Randomly comes up to you to ask how your day has been. ( he’s just trying to start a conversation… Sorry anti-socials…) Has a private Twitter account where he just rants about you. He’s pretty old fashioned so he’ll write a letter of his confession and somehow give it to you.

JIMIN - JEALOUSY :

As I said for his dating headcanons, he does get a little jealous but not very much, He does hate to see people flirting with you. It annoys him, Why would they just carelessly flirt with you not thinking about the fact you may have a boyfriend? But aside from the jealousy it reminds him how lucky he is, I mean nobody flirts with a disgusting person.

I know I've pretty much said this for all of the members but it’s what I truly think, Guy friends just don’t make them jealous. 

JIMIN - CRUSH : 

Jimin definitely writes songs about you in his free time, They are mostly just for him to use for singing randomly, nothing more (he doesn’t army to find out about his crush). He probably is too shy to make a move, or he just thinks his clumsiness will ruin something. His confession will be INTERESTING… Will probably write a letter, part of that being because he’s shy. The letter will straight up make you breathless, YOU NEVER KNEW HE WAS A FLIRT!?

TAEHYUNG - JEALOUSY :

Honestly, it’s like 50/50, sometimes he doesn’t care because in seconds he could prove that you are his, or he’s hella jealous. I'm between those 2 but leaning more towards the first one. Probably would care more about getting you away from someone than being jealous.

Again, won’t care about guy friends, and won’t exactly be friends with them but he’ll get along with them pretty well.

TAEHYUNG - CRUSH :

Leaves random romantic poems at your doorstep, Puts “Sincerely, your secret admirer” at the end 😭. and flirts with you whenever he gets the chance. Was actually quite nervous when he was shamelessly asking for your phone number. Winks at you when you catch him staring. Unlike the other members, I feel like when he confesses his feelings for you, he actually does it in person…

JUNGKOOK - JEALOUSY :

I 100% think that he gets jealous like you need to reassure him, that you weren’t interested in the guy that was flirting with you. Like we are all aware that Jungkook is trying to give off “bad boy vibes” (I cringed when writing that)  when he is a complete softie. He might give you the silent treatment too. 🤔

JUNGKOOK - CRUSH :

SHY BOYYY. He gets so flustered when around you :((. Would definitely start stuttering like crazy if you asked him a question.  Tries to impress you 24/7. Asks the boys for advice on how to get you to like him back. You had to confess since he was too shy.

[mangocustard16]

Scholarly Sparks✨Part2

boo seungkwan  x reader

| synopsis: Seungkwan and Y/N have always been known for their intense rivalry in academia. They clashed in class discussions, exchanged heated arguments, and even took pleasure in getting under each other's skin. Little did they know that this passionate competition would eventually lead to something more profound.

| genre: angst, fluff

| pairing: academic rival!seungkwan x gn!reader

| warnings: none

| w.c: 740

In the ongoing saga of their academic rivalry, Seungkwan and Y/N stumbled upon a new twist that would test the boundaries of their relationship. It began with the discovery that Seungkwan's meticulously crafted lecture notes had mysteriously vanished.

Seungkwan had always been known for his thorough and well-organized notes. They were his secret weapon in their academic battles, and he guarded them with utmost care. However, one fateful day, as he reached for his prized notes, he found his notebook missing from his bag.

Seungkwan's frustration boiled over as he searched frantically for the missing notebook, his mind racing with possible suspects. He scoured his bag, his room, and the lecture hall, but they were nowhere to be found.

As the days passed, anxiety gnawed at him. His upcoming test depended on those notes, and his reputation as an academic rival was on the line. He began to lose sleep, haunted by the possibility of flunking the test.

One afternoon, in a desperate last-minute attempt to salvage his grade, Seungkwan went through Y/N's bag, his frustration reaching its peak. He couldn't believe his eyes when he found his missing notes among her belongings.

"Y/N, care to explain why my missing notes were in your bag?", said Seungkwan holding up the notes, his voice trembling.

"What? How did they get there? I swear I didn't take them.", Y/N tried to defend.

Seungkwan felt betrayed, believing that Y/N had stolen his notes to gain an unfair advantage. His anger flared, and he accused her of being pretentious, using deception to maintain her status as his academic rival.

"You've always pretended to be on the same level as me, but resorting to theft? Pathetic!", spat Seungkwan.

"Seungkwan, I promise I didn't take your notes. You have to believe me.", said Y/N tears welling up in her eyes.

The exams were right around the corner and Seungkwan felt as if he had lost his marbles. Losing his notes had stopped him from studying earlier. So, here he was alone in the lecture hall trying to focus with all his might when he overhears a conversation between Lee Ha Joon and Han Jin Soo.

"Haha, can you believe how easy it was to steal Seungkwan's notebook? He's going to flunk the test, and everyone will think Y/N did it!", said Ha Joon.

"That's a wicked plan, man. Y/N won't stand a chance when they find that notebook in her bag.", said Jin Soo grabbing a chair.

"You two think you can get away with this?!", Seungkwan shouted.

"Seungkwan? What are you talking about?" said Ha Joon trying to feign innocence.

"I heard everything! You stole my notebook to frame Y/N, didn't you?", said Seungkwan his voice trembling with fury.

His anger erupted into a physical confrontation as Seungkwan confronted Lee Ha Joon, landing a solid punch in his direction. The campus security was alerted to the commotion, and they swiftly intervened to separate the two.

Seungkwan's fury had been unleashed, but as he was restrained by the security personnel, he couldn't help but reflect on his earlier accusations against Y/N. The weight of his wrongful accusations hung heavily on his conscience, and he knew he had a lot to make up for.

His determination to clear Y/N's name and make amends for his hasty judgments drove him forward. He had learned a valuable lesson about trust and the consequences of jumping to conclusions, and he was determined to make things right, not just with Y/N but also within himself.

So, here he was at Y/N's doorstep, holding a bouquet of flowers, a sincere apology in his eyes.

"Apology accepted, Seungkwan.", said Y/N in a teasing tone.

Their eyes locked, and a brief moment of understanding passed between them. It was as if the weight of their previous misunderstandings had lifted, leaving room for a new connection to blossom.

"How about we put all this behind us and celebrate our newfound friendship?", Seungkwan suggested.

"Friendship? Are you sure you can handle that, Seungkwan?", said Y/N wiggling her eyebrows playfully.

"I'm willing to give it a try."

"In that case, how about some ice cream? My treat.", said Y/N smiling warmly.

"Ice cream sounds perfect.", whispered Seungkwan.

They headed to a nearby ice cream parlor, their laughter and easy banter filling the air. As they savored their favorite flavors, their conversation flowed effortlessly, as if they had been friends for years.

As they sat on a bench outside the ice cream parlor, a gentle breeze ruffled Y/N's hair, causing a strand to fall across her face. Seungkwan reached over and gently brushed it away, his fingers grazing her cheek. It was a simple gesture, but Y/N couldn't stop the rush of butterflies in her stomach as she muttered a thank you.

Their eyes locked again, this time with a new warmth and understanding. It was a moment that seemed to linger, as if time itself had slowed down just for them. In that moment, they both realized that their rivalry had transformed into something more profound, something that had the potential to go beyond friendship.

As they continued to enjoy their ice cream and each other's company, the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow on their faces. The path they were on had taken an unexpected turn, but neither of them was complaining. They were both excited to explore this new chapter in their relationship, one that held the promise of something deeper and more meaningful than they could have ever imagined.

&lt;Part1>

so what do y'all think?

@minhui896

[samuraiondo-mace-1177]

Yakuza/Lost Judgement Headcanons: Sexuality, Gender, and ASD/ADHD

Strap in boys, this is a long ass post (some spoilerish stuff)

(I may not mention certain things since it's side content, and that's written by a separate team of people. However, some things are character accurate, but that's rare)

These are personal views so if you don't HC them aswell, I'm chill w/ that

Kiryu Kazuma - Biromantic Asexual with ASD

Yeah, he's quite gay with Majima, but I feel like a lot of people forget the fact that he's had 3 female love interests in the main story and rizzes up entire cabaret clubs in every game. So, he should probably be called bi instead of gay. As usual, asexual since he shows no interest in sex, seems to be repulsed, and sexual thoughts don't appear easily in this man's head. For ASD, he has some processing issues (socially, not physically), a hyperfixation on Pocket Circuit (knowing everything abt it), barely understands social conventions and how people act, and seems to have some sort of selective mutism.

Little note abt the whole Transmasc Kiryu thing: I'm pretty sure people are confusing the signs of autism with the signs of a transmasc character. Ya see, a lot of trans people are autistic and the signs I've seen people mention have just been signs of autism, not him being trans.

Goro Majima - Bisexual Genderfluid with ASD

The first two speak for themselves. Kiryu and Makoto. Then Goromi. Simple. The ASD tho. I'm aware a lot of people say he has ADHD but I don't think that's the case. See, he shows traits of Autism throughout Yakuza 0 and, at the end, basically says to Sagawa, "nah I'ma be insane for fun." He appears to be masking the ADHD traits. Due to him being able to focus well and remain sitting still in Y0 and not doing that in the mainline titles. There's a lot of stuff I could say, but then this would be a three hour read, lol.

Daigo Dojima - ASD

Literally nothing else other than he's way too much like me and one of my friends (we're both autistic woooooo)

Shun Akiyama - ADHD

(Someone on here told me abt the signs, and I got to Y4. So, I can wholeheartedly say that I agree)

Excessive tiredness is a sign of ADHD, and so is a terrible sleep schedule. He struggles with keeping track of time (a.k.a. time blindness). And obviously, issues with balancing general chores and work.

Ichiban Kasuga - AuDHD (possibly Demisexual or Ace)

He struggles to focus, jumps from a new idea to another, struggles with chores and remembering stuff. He's hyperfixated with Dragon's quest to the point where the first game is just him pretending he's in it. Ichiban also has a lack of personal public perception. Resulting in him not focusing on his own behaviour in public and acting in ways others may see as childish. Other members are shown to play along but may then feel a bit embarrassed after or during. He also doesn't seem to immediately think of sexual thoughts when it comes to things (like when you meet that fortune teller dating app woman in Infinite Wealth). Although, Ichiban appears to think that those sorts of things should only be done with a partner you have a strong bond with (tho, this is from memory. I need to rewatch cutscenes)

Joon Gi Han - ASD

(also information that someone told me)

He lacks an understanding of jokes and sarcasm. Typically speaks out of turn in conversation. Joon Gi is also naturally isolated from the group, showing his disappointment and sadness when this happens.

Takayuki Yagami - Biromantic Bigender Demi/asexual with ASD

The only reasons for the Biromantic and Bigender HCs is just because I've seen way too many clips of Kimura being Flirtatious with men and women, and dressing as both masc and fem, that I can't unsee Yagami as anything else. Demisexuality tho comes from the cutscene in Judge eyes/Judgement where he mentions that he takes relationships slow, and doesn't jump to having sex as soon as possible. Plus, I'm pretty sure there's scenes where he gets incredibly grossed out and sexual related things or doesn't immediately see something as sexual. Alright, this man stims, has issues processing info, hyperfixates, has issues expressing himself, large emotion meltdowns, confused by social behaviour, doesn't know how to comfort others, comfort clothes, repetitive behaviour, lack of sympathy/empathy, MASKS ALL THE TIME.

Makoto Tsukumo - ASD

He is a Hikikomori (a full time shut in basically) and a large amount of those are autistic. He has severe social anxiety, hyperfixations, finds it hard to communicate socially, avoids eye contact, and acts strangely.

Kazuki Soma - AroAce with diagnosed ASD

He follows the same stereotype as me, high intelligence and lack of empathy (I'm getting better at it though!) Soma has a low immune system, having an IgE allergy (prevelant in those with Autism). He blames his failed plans on the execution from the others, and not the plan itself. The AroAce bit tho. Idk, it just felt right for the character. He kinda reminds me of an aroace friend of mine in a sense so uhhhhhh

Note for Soma: You may be aware of the meme I posted of "Can Opener and then Leg Opener" w/ a picture of Soma. That was made out of a joke with the aroace friend that I previously mentioned. It was kinda making fun of the fact that I've seen people drool over that psychopath and there was a level of satireness making the meme. Idk dude, we made it at like 3am or smt, anything is funny at that time

(if you want me to give evidence or elaborate on something, just send me an ask lol)

[soraviie]

Hmmm I have an idea for MTL: MTL feel left out/upset if you do something without him / without telling him - nothing bad, just like, eg. at 2pm in the afternoon while he's at work you randomly decide to shave your head or get a puppy and don't tell him til he gets home (who would think of it as a fun surprise, who'd be 'you could have warned me, you know I don't like surprises', and who would be like 'why didn't you tell me you wanted to do this, we could have done it together').

JIMIN — perhaps a predictable one but you can't tell me who wouldn't. Probably wold be standing in a doorway, tapping his foot and sulking.

"What part about we're a couple, do you not understand?"

"It's not even that seriou—"

"I am you. You are me. Understood?"

His eyebrows come to knit together in order to portray a nearly unified line of discontent as his cheeks expand in an insulted pout.

"Yes, sir," with a sigh, you relent.

NAMJOON? — I don't know why but I'd feel like if it's a decision that would impact his life, no matter how inadvertently he'd like to know. If it's would be like what kind of dress you should buy or whether to get a new DLC for your favourite game, he wouldn't care but he would care— ok, lemme just explain. I feel like if you lived separate he wouldn't be as upset. Show him your new dog?

"Oh, you've got a pet...You sure you have the time to take care of them?"

Shave your head? Sure, he'd do a spit take and stammer throughout it but he'd be chill.

"O-oh, you're- you're...without hair! That's...I mean you look great!"

"Joon, you don't have to fake it."

But if you'd live together, I feel like he'd get more upset? In a way, merging your lives together means you debate things more. I don't think Namjoon really likes surprises at home, 'cause it's supposed to be his steady rock and you along with it, so he wouldn't appreciate not having a conversation even if it's a passing one.

TAEHYUNG — I feel like he'd be on the fence about this. Depends largely on what the surprise is and truthfully what his mood is that day. If it'd be a new haircut, he'd hype you up but if it'd be like "let's fly out to meet my parents" he'd sit there like:

"Yeeeeyy, how great." For large things, like changing apartment interior, going away for a couple days, travelling or changing jobs he'd be a bit sulky but largely he'd just hype you up.

JIN — would tease you about doing something, especially, if you'd buzzy your hair (he'd be such a meanie about it T-T calling you egghead for days) but he wouldn't prohibit you from doing so. As long as you don't leave home, come or go somewhere in the middle of the night (I feel like that'd be a rule for both of you. Sort of like "you can go wherever you want just tell me where and when are you coming back") he's okay with it. He might pretend to be disapproving of a pet at first but he'd totally be like that one "dad and the dog" meme.

HOSEOK — our king of green flags. Would actually love if you'd be that kind of person who could go along your wishes and not need to consult anyone about it. I feel like he'd like a certain degree of mutual independence. Yes, you're together and you love each other very much but you've got your own lives and sometimes one just has to do what they feel like it that day. Regardless, he would wholly support you and be a phenomenal hype man, well, until it's a thing that ends up with you getting hurt, he's not fond of that.

JUNGKOOK — You'd place him higher wouldn't you? But...Jungkook is spontaneous himself. If he wants to shave off his eyebrows at 2:30 in the morning, he will so in that way he sort of can't really get mad at you for doing the same thing. Without a single thought in his head, he would say yes if you asked to join. Help you dye your hair in the sink? Sure. Go out and eat some ice cream and children's playground? Sounds good but if you want to do it alone, he doesn't put much fuss. Though obviously he doesn't like you going around at night.

"I got hungry and you were still at work," you weakly defend, twirling your thumbs. Seeing the number of phone calls, reaching double digits, you felt a sickly feeling fester in the pit of your stomach. And yes, it also just could be that 24/7 shop hot dog but coming home to a genuinely distraught Jungkook pacing around the room, certainly did not help.

He heaves a pinched sigh, the space between his eyebrows etched with deep wrinkles.

"I'm not mad at you," he says, both hands on his hips. "But...world is dangerous. You know that, right?"

"Of course, I do."

"Just...just take Bam with you if you go out."

YOONGI — It's not that he doesn't care, he does! but it's still your life. So as long as you don't force him into plans, you answer all of his calls and don't literally leave the country, he's okay with supporting you from the side. He trusts your judgement, in that way. Even if you would change your job , he wouldn't make a scene. At most his eyes would widen, for example, if you visit his studio with an impromptu tattoo all over the arm.

If he thinks something is not a good look but you're beaming with all the world's joy, at most he'd just drawl cautiously:

"Are you...ssuuuureeeee about that?"

"Yeah," you grin broadly at him and a part of him melts as you do. "Isn't it great?"

"Sure, of course," he's quick to agree, nodding along with the lies. "It's your life. Do what makes you happy."

© soraviie, 2023

[chevelleneech]

https://www.tumblr.com/chevelleneech/759715569566105600/a-little-while-ago-i-posted-about-how-although-i?source=share

Samee like i don't ship them like that, they could reveal their partners tomorrow for all i care but I'm interested in knowing what they think/feel about eachother lol

About the military though ngl i used to think they had it all planned for long time nd all but after seeing their conversation in car where they said they didn't really met up much n all i was like okay maybe enlisting together was never in their head at that point so i was more curious to know how do you go from "we didn't meet/call eachother" on July 14th to applying for Buddy program at the end of Aug or start of sept like that's just 1.5 months difference. I mean if I'm not exactly much in touch with someone why would i make a plan to enlist with that person? I'm not saying by not meeting often jm and jk became awkward or strangers but all members have gone individually, RM- tae did their training together ig(correct me on this one) so jikook should also think of Enlisting individually right? like that's what's first would come to ur mind......Why would my mind go to something that k-pop idols haven't done before? like jikook are literally the first two idols to use companion system for their enlistmemt so how did that come to their mind?

Then i wonder about jk's comment of him wanting to join special force which is again very known thing to armys like that's what you'd expect from him so that ain't surprising but then why did he not go to special force? is it because of tattoes? cause ig some ppl can't go there if they have visible tattoes, but some says they can go to some units of specific force even with tattoes so which one is correct? I have seen ppl from special force with tattoes like jk's but their whole service was yrs long nd not just 1.5 yrs...so again what's the reason? Has jk talked with V about joining special force? Had him and V ever talked about joining special force together? Given tae is also in special force. I'm pretty sure tae got the idea of special force because of one of his wooga frnd cause he's also done special force.

Has someone suggested this to them? does this decision has something to do with mental health? taemin had faced some things in military because of which he was sent to social service mid service ig so was jm worrying about that? is it something that concerns jk's mental health? Was it because they wanted to be around eachother? Or was it because they thought rather than being alone in MS it's better to be with your frnd nd that way they could depend on e/o for emotional support. I wanna know how they came to that decision. See the decision was Mutual is given cause if not they simply wouldn't apply but I'd love to know the reason behind it.

I don’t want to to touch on everything you said, simply because I will talk for days and lose my train of thought.

However, I think the biggest points are the fact that as you said, it is interesting that two people who from their own mouths are saying they didn’t meet up nor call each other as often as they used to, decided to do a joint enlistment. Of course, JM and JK had known each other for a decade by the time they chose to enlist, so it’s very possible they did choose the buddy system before separating in 2023. It is possible they reconnected because they knew this was what they chose, and they didn’t want to go into it, if they got it, with much distance between them. There’s no way to know if they decided after Connecticut or before, because they’re not going to tell us why they drifted for a bit.

As for their enlistment overall, I too wonder what their motivation was. I said it think it’s because they simply do not like being apart, and I stand by that thought, but you are right in wondering what it might actually be.

They did not have to enlist together. None of the other members even went at the same time except Tae and Joon, and given how much closer Tae and JK seemed during 2023, you’d assume they would have chosen the buddy system, but they didn’t. Why? I don’t know. It’s possible Tae wanted to do something that he wouldn’t qualify for had he done BS, but I don’t think it’s a tattoos though, as I saw someone say JK would have still been eligible for special forces.

I don’t know the detail of it of course, but let’s say for arguments sake JK couldn’t enlist in certain divisions because of his tattoos, Jimin’s arms are clear. All his tattoos except his moons (which are easily covered) are small, so he wouldn’t have had the same limitations as Jungkook. Unless the rules prohibit wrist/finger tattoos. But again, his are so small, a long enough sleeve covers his wrist, and unless he’s constantly waving and giving high fives, I don’t see how those would be an issue.

So without digging too deep, just on the surface, it’s hard to conclude they used the buddy system for any reason other than, they wanted to ensure they were together if possible. Especially since their company has no say.

Is it possible they have more mental health things going on than we know? Absolutely, and that could easily be a factor, but we can’t just decide that and run with it. They’ve both said they’re grateful to have the other by their side during this time, and again, we know now that leading up to the application date and their enlistment in general, they made the choice to be with each other for multiple trips.

Meaning, dating or not, they knew what was coming down the line and chose 1) to travel together to reconnect after a bit of time apart, and 2) to at least try and get approved for joint service.

Therefore, I’m back to the only conclusion I’ve got, lol. Jimin and Jungkook didn’t want to be separated. Because you, me, and anyone else with common sense has pointed out, they didn’t need to use the buddy system to join at the same time. Nor was it a guarantee anyway, so calling it fan service or a business decision to ensure BTS all came back by 2025, is illogical. Because had they been denied, they would have had to enlist alone, no matter their state of mental health or what was paid to them by the company, you know?

The buddy system only works because they got it, so nothing else could have spurred it since it wasn’t a shoe-in. It was literally them playing the lottery, because they wanted to try and be together. Why? That’s the mystery, lol.

[the-conversation-pod]

Summer 2023 Ep 2 - The Eighth Sense

AND WE'RE BACK!

It seems like every season we're going to have a single show dominate the conversation and the zeitgeist so much that we have to dedicate an entire episode to it! This season it was the Korean-German team-up about a boy so sprung that he joined a surfing club even though he couldn't swim. Strap in for a long discussion!

Nini and Ben dive deep into The Eighth Sense to discuss the international nature of BL, the way film history plays into our stories, the role of forgiveness in our lives, and the role of community in queer development.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

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Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond to chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

0:00 - Welcome 1:04 - The Eighth Sense 18:00 - The Relationship Between the Seniors and Juniors 27:45 - The Hedwig Incident 36:32 - Ae Ri 42:50 - Ji Hyun and Jae Won 50:38 - Joon Pyo and Boss Lady 56:28 - Let's Talk About the Kissing (and Episode 6) 1:06:21 - The Party Scene and Forgiveness 1:17:14 - On a Possible Second Season 1:24:10 - Checking in Two Months Later

The Conversation: Now With Transcripts!

We received an accessibility request to include transcripts for the podcast. We are working with @ginnymoonbeam on providing the transcripts and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes. When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

1:04 - The Eighth Sense

Ben

Welcome to The Eighth Sense episode! Nini and I had so much to say about this that we decided to give it its own episode, separate from our overall consternation from whatever is going on in the land of K-BL, because this felt distinct. This was a piece of work from a German and a Korean filmmaking team, and it created unique results. So we're going to speak to you all for the next hour and a half? [laughs] about it, and then we'll come back at the end with some reactions to the show and how we're feeling about it a few months later.

Nini

Let's go.

Nini

We are here today to talk about The Eighth Sense, and only The Eighth Sense. Benjamin. What is The Eighth Sense about?

Ben

See I had her a little bit annoyed before we started talking. She gives my full name because she's still mad at me for being obnoxious. The Eighth Sense —

Nini

[laughs]

Ben

The Eighth Sense is an age gap college romance between a new freshman from the Korean countryside and a very wealthy Korean man, who is the heir of his family, who's recently back from military service and trying to finish school. They kind of meet by happenstance at the freshman's job and instantly have a connection between them which they both find themselves drawn to and pulling on. 

And over the course of the show the freshman, Ji Hyun, ends up joining the surfing club to hang out with Jae Won, the senior, and a romance blossoms between them… but we hit a lot of very familiar western queer storytelling drama beats. It blends fairly well with the Korean storytelling beats, as these two eventually choose each other as they're trying to move forward with their lives. Much drama ensues because of the older boy’s deep mental health issues. It's a really simple plot. It's just incredibly well executed.

Nini

Well, let's talk a little bit about that execution. So this is a… it's a Korean production but it's co-directed by a Korean director, Baek Inu, and a German director, Werner du Plessis. And I think that that interplay between the two filmmaking styles, between some of the hallmarks of Korean filmmaking and then some of the hallmarks of like classic German bildungsroman… They interplay really interestingly I think, in terms of the way that it's executed. A lot of people are saying that The Eighth Sense made them think of Skam? I have not watched Skam so I can't really speak to that, but in terms of certain aspects of the techniques of the filmmaking that I've seen, in terms of lighting and color and all of those things, I could see the comparisons that they're making. 

But I feel like this show… it's something all its own? We've talked on this show about how K-BL was starting to get a little repetitive and feel like it wasn't, you know, using its time well and all those other things. And I think that those are criticisms that you can't level at The Eighth Sense. It does use its time well. I feel like it is well thought through, I feel like it uses its budget well, I feel like it… really engages me, like I'm not going to forget these characters. I'm not going to forget Ji Hyun, Eun Ji, Tae Hyung, Jae Won, Joon Pyo, Yoon Won, [laughs] I'm not going to forget these characters. You know what I mean? These characters have sort of touched something inside of me, particularly Jae Won. 

I feel like it came along at just the right time for me to not write off K-BL. [laughs]

Ben

I mean, is it really K-BL, though?

Nini

Well, that's the question isn't it? Because a lot of people are like, ‘oh this isn't, this isn’t BL.’ I think it's very firmly BL, but I don't know how much it feels like K-BL.

Ben

It is not relying on… the tropes or beats of traditional yaoi, as evolved by Thailand's fiddling with the formula, and what's recently been happening in Korea over the last three years-ish. When you called it like a German coming of age thing, I can feel some of those influences here. In terms of the pacing, and the knowing. 

So one of the things that BL is not very good at doing that I don't always enjoy is… BL doesn't know how to make characters always gay. Like their queerness activates when it's relevant, because they're thinking about it now. It isn't… built really into the way the character is functioning. But when you're writing queer cinema, a queer character is always queer. It is always complicating their life in some way, and that feels present here with Ji Hyun and Jae Won. Particularly when it comes to the ways that two of them engage with each other. 

Ji Hyun gets clocked constantly by everyone, because he's obvious to them. Jae Won and he bump into each other at the restaurant and recognize each other, flirt outside of the restaurant. Ae Ri recognizes these things in him very quickly and she starts covering for him; Eun Ji sees this in him right away, and beefs with him immediately over Jae Won. Yoon Won I think picks up on it right away, which is why she's always calling him cutie. And I think the boss picks up on it too, which is why she's kind of protective of him. 

This works for me because he's so clearly different, and I like how he clearly had these big dreams about ‘I'm going to move to the city and I'm going to live my best gay life.’ Then he moved to the city and got scared, because it's such a big place, all these strangers, and it's confusing because he's not used to dealing with urban systems… And so like, he immediately retreated a little bit. He just picked up a job, so he would only have to deal with one person, because it's like a one woman operation and like the freshman temp worker she's relying on? [laughs] And I think that's one of the big things that separates it for me with most of the BL we've experienced, like Ji Hyun always feels gay for me, in the way that Ji Hyun is very… protective of himself but very honest in general. Like Ji Hyun doesn't offer himself up easily to other people, but he's consistently honest and forthright with them. And like, after his big ol’ incident — where he almost dies, and I’m calling it ‘the incident’ [laughs] — he turns really sassy, but he's still being honest, he's just not tempering that. And also he's a little bit pissy, because he has a right to be. 

So like that's the biggest, I think, line between like, BL per se, and what we might call queer cinema, when I'm watching them. Like their queerness is not active only when they're flirting, like other BL characters often feel for me.

Nini

Hmmm. That's something to ponder… It is clear that Ji Hyun does get clocked pretty regularly. You know I always have a soft spot for the ones who can't hide, and… so, I can get like why the boss is protective of him, why Joon Pyo is protective of him — like, even though Joon Pyo doesn't really know? He knows something, but he doesn't really know that Ji Hyun is queer, and it's this really funny scene when he finds out in the end, and he's just really upset that, you know, Ji Hyun didn’t tell him that he had a boyfriend. 

Ji Hyun feels recognizably queer, in some intangible way? Like I think about my gay friends and my gay family, and… that thing that you said about a person who is gay being gay all the time and not just when they're flirting with somebody? [laughs] That really resonated [both laugh] Thaaaat really resonated, and I think is also a little bit of shots fired for some of BL.

Ben

I don't know that I want to fire shots at the other dramas in this regard, because… it's not fair. Because some of these things are intangible, you can't really always do them really well or correctly. It's not like I have obvious guidance, like ‘hey, here are the five tips to make your character seem authentically queer when you're writing your little stories!’ [both laugh] And like, that's not fair. 

What I can do as a amateur critic, is point out that this character reads queer to me: from the little gay rainbow lamp he has, to the way he had big dreams for the city then feels a little bit disappointed about it, to the way he sees a really hot boy and immediately decides to do — to join a dangerous club just to get some dick. Like that's the kind of dumb shit that baby gays do! Like can you swim? No. So you joined the surfing club? Was — was the dick even that good? Yeahhh. All right, well, shit! [both laugh]

Nini

The man said that, before he nearly died, he was the happiest he had ever been in his life. He literally said that. [laughs]

Ben

This poor boy's whole brain got rearranged by some good dick! God damn.

Nini

Our other protagonist is Jae Won. Jae Won is a poor little rich boy, he's a tragic figure with a tragic past.

Ben

He's a sad little meow meow.

Nini

He really is the saddest little meow meow. It’s up in the air whether he's closeted or not. I don't feel like he is? But I also feel like he doesn't advertise. Because it doesn't feel like any of his angst about Ji Hyun is about the idea of him dating a guy. It doesn't feel that way.

Ben

Jae Won feels therapized. He… definitely is aware of his queerness, and seems mostly inconvenienced by it. His father is described as aggressive, and there's all of these pressures on him to be a certain kind of man, and a certain kind of son. Like they get mad about how emotional he is, they get mad that he's out drinking with his friends… so he's definitely been forced to be closeted about it? So I think he is definitely aware of it, and the reason why I think he's aware of it is, Ji Hyun calls him out on it in the last episode, when he's like, ‘You had a lighter in your pocket, the first night you met me.’

Nini

It's not that I feel like he doesn't know himself, like he knows himself, I think that much is clearly obvious in the story, he knows himself. The question is whether the people around him know. I feel like Eun Ji definitely knows, that's why she's so im— one of the reasons she's so immediately hostile to Ji Hyun, because she knows.

Ben

She knows, but I don't think he's told her. He just feels really modern about it, like, yes he's gay, if you ask him directly he'd probably just shrug and be like yeah, sure, whatever, but people aren't going to ask him that. They don't want to cross that line, because they want to use him, and trying to embarrass him about that is just gonna get you iced out of his life. Again, like we know that the surfing dudes hadn't really considered it, because they're like no, Jae Won's not that way. That's also like the men, though. Like every single girl in the story clocked every single gay boy the whole time. The boss, Eun Ji, Ae Ri, Yoon Won, all clocked Jae Won and Ji Hyun. And Jae Won didn't even know about it, because Yoon Won was like ‘you better do right by that boy,’ he's like ‘what are you talking about?’ and she was like ‘girl!’ and he was like ‘all right, shit.’ [laughs]

Nini

Jae Won is not closeted but he's not out either. Let's put it that way.

Ben

I think he was closeted by default, but he had already worked through the, ‘if I really connect with someone, I will step out for them.’ And you can feel that, with the way he tries to casually say to the boss, ‘yeah I have feelings about my boyfriend,’ and the way he's forthright about it with Ji Hyun. Because I feel like he had emotionally prepared for the moment? And once he decided to commit to it, all of that work came out right away.

Nini

Well, even before he says it to the boss or to Ji Hyun, he says it to the guy at the, at the rest stop, when they're heading off to that fateful trip. It's not even a big deal for him to say that. And that's why I was wondering like, well is he closeted or is, has just nobody just ever asked him about it? And I think I'm going to land on your side of things here with, probably nobody ever asked him about it, and he didn't feel the need to announce it.

Ben

Right, and I think that's where — that's, that's mostly how he reads to me.

Nini

Do you think that Tae Hyung knew?

Ben

Yes, because he kisses him all the time. But, he knows it in the way that stupid-ass straight boys know. Where they know, and they want the attention, and they kind of want it, but they would have to be gay and they can't actually do that. Which is why he gets so… bothered about Jae Won caring about other stuff. It's the same thing we see all the time, he gets mad that he's not being paid attention to, or that Jae Won doesn't care about the things he wants him to care about. Or isn't being as miserable as they want him to be.

Nini

You know what I think is actually a subtle hint? In the first few episodes of the show, the way that Tae Hyung keeps pushing Jae Won and Eun Ji together, keeps pushing them towards each other, keeps bringing Eun Ji into the spaces. Now that I'm thinking about it, at the beginning I just never quite figured out why it mattered so much to him? But now, it makes like a strange kind of sense, if he knew or if he at least suspected… why he would keep shoving Eun Ji at him.

Ben

Right, because if she — he chooses Eun Ji, it's at least, like, the woman that he was okay with, I guess. And like it gives him some sort of weird control or investment in whatever they have going on. I feel like at some level Tae Hyung knows. But again like that's part of why this show feels more queer for me than some other stuff, because we're having this really complex conversation about who knows, doesn't know, at what level do they know, what does their knowing imply about the way they perceive Jae Won — like that's the world real queer people exist in. Where it isn't just who knows, it's what do they do with the knowledge.

Nini

I'm really recasting, like, my initial reactions of the whole Tae Hyung, Jae Won thing.

Ben

I mean if you, I don't know if you remember, I hated that motherfucker from the very first time we saw him! [both laugh]

Nini

Ben could not stand his ass from jump.

Ben

Like, the very first episode I was like, ‘oh I hate this boy so much Nini!’ [laughs] and she was like ‘damn bro, they just had like one fight!’ and I'm like, ‘oh no, it was not just one fight.’

18:00 - The Relationships Between the Seniors and Juniors

Nini

Speaking of fights between Jae Won and Tae Hyung, perfect segue. 

Ben

Let's talk about him tagging that ass though.

Nini

We're kinda jumping around here, and one of the reasons that we're jumping around is I feel like, talking about The Eighth Sense, like it doesn't really, it's not really useful to talk about it in some kind of chronology, or in terms of the plot. The plot's there and the plot is good… 

Ben

The plot is… a country boy snags a chaebol. It's very good.

Nini

Yeah, the plot is very simple, I feel like The Eighth Sense, the, the real meat of the discussion is in the relationships — in all the different interactions that these characters have bouncing off of each other, in some of the ways that they interact with society? I feel like that's more of where the meat of talking about the story comes from. There's going to be a lot of jumping around in this discussion I think because of that.

Ben

We’ll talk about Tae Hyung, but more specifically we'll talk about how strong the characterization is for all of these characters. Like the biggest thing that's interesting about this show is, all the seniors are miserable horrible people.

Nini

Terrible. [laughs]

Ben

All of the freshmen are not — but some of them could be. I think that's Bit Na's role in the story. Yoon Won, Eun Ji, and Jae Won are all seniors who probably should have graduated already, but because of the funding model of school and how you need to get a job, they're all stuck and they hate it. They're having the millennial problem of, we were told that if we were really good at school and we went to college and checked all the boxes, we would get decent jobs, marry wives, live in the suburbs, have a van, and have two point three kids. And uh… we didn't! And we've lived through crisis after crisis for… literally 22 years, and it sucks! 

And so like I get why Yoon Won, Eun Ji, Jae Won, and Tae Hyung are so frustrated and so pissed about all of it. And like they can't even be happy about any of it, like Tae Hyung wasn't drafted, but it's not like it worked out for him, it's not like he got to do anything useful with school, and like get ahead and go work somewhere, which is why like he's glomping back on to Jae Won. Because he's his last hope, that maybe somehow Jae Won getting control of his dad's company will get him a useful job, and maybe he won't be such a piece of shit. But he's such a selfish prick that he can't do anything with it. 

Eun Ji is clearly a status chaser, and she really wants to be the wife of a chaebol. And that's why she's trying to lock Jae Won down. 

Yoon Won is the only person that Jae Won ends up having a real connection with, because she's frustrated, but she's trying to do something positive, like ‘hey I'm gonna be stuck in school for a while but I'm [gonna] try and keep the surfing club afloat while I'm here. I hope you can get a chance to relax and I'm really glad that you came back and helped us out because — you’re really good at it, and I'm really glad that you're here.’ Like, she's the only person who's thankful for Jae Won's presence because he offered it. And she asks for literally nothing else beyond him except, ‘so hey you feel like getting a pizza and a beer with me? I really want to go to this place but the guy only speaks English even though he lives in fucking Korea.’

Nini

[laughs] That was bizarre.

Ben

And he's gonna be such a dick about it! That felt like a dig at foreigners moving to Korea.

[both laugh]

Nini

I completely agree that Yoon Won feels like the only person who is interested in Jae Won and not in what Jae Won can do for them, in terms of the seniors. And that's why their… thing works. And Jae Won says it when they're drinking in that foreigner's bar. He's like, ‘you know, when we started school I really didn't like you. But now you're kind of the only person who—’ [laughs] Basically he tells her that she's the only person he doesn't hate, so.

Ben

Right? And he call — she calls him out, like ‘I know you hated me, you piece of shit. But it's fine. We're cool now.’ [laughs] But again like, in terms of like, early episodes… she's the only person in the series [who] respects what he wants. She's like ‘Okay, I'll take the new kid because he clearly can't swim. You take the two girls, because you gay, you ain't gonna do nothing with them girls. Teach them girls how to swim right.’ He's like ‘No. I wanna go with the boy.’ She's like ‘Girl. Are you sure?’ and he's like ‘Nah nah nah, I really wanna go hang out with this boy.’ ‘Allll right.’ [laughs] 

But again, everyone else disrespects him — ignores his stated desires, constantly. Yoon Won is the only person in the show who, when he says he wants something, she lets him have it. And then she's like ‘Hey the cute boy drew a picture of you… wanna see it?’

[both laugh]

Nini

She gives him so much shit in like her own way, I love it. You know I’m all about besties who give you shit, you know that's my favorite, [laughs] that's my favorite trope. Besties givin’ you shit. 

But yeah, so you've got all the seniors who are stuck and miserable because, I mean, other than Jae Won — if they all came in at the same time, other than Jae Won because of his military service — they should have all graduated already. And the fact that they haven't, and they're all there just kind of, you know, sitting there miserable staring at each other, is a big commentary on everything. 

So compare them to all the freshmen. Now, the freshmen are… still young and hopeful and they have all this energy and all that stuff, and it’s such a contrast to the seniors who’re all fucking miserable. Even though there's fear there, particularly, like sort of shown up in the person of Ji Hyun, there's still this kind of enthusiasm? And then there's this brightness that comes off of them? And you kind of understand why Yoon Won and Jae Won gravitate, kind of, towards the freshman. And they feel protective of them, and they, they want them to have a good experience? That's one of the things that I really enjoyed about, for example, the surfing trip. They really invest in making sure that the freshmen have a good experience, like they keep the skeevy senior guys away from them…. they tell them they don't have to drink, they tell Tae Hyung, like, stop being a creep.

Ben

Right? They keep telling him to fuck off, they're like, ‘None of these rituals or things you're supposed to do that we did did anything for us. It didn't move us forward, it didn't make us closer to our seniors, it didn't help us succeed at school. We just got bullied by people who are older than us. And you hated it too, so chill the fuck out.’

Nini

Yeah! I like how invested they are, Jae Won and Yoon Won, in making sure that the freshmen have a good time, and that they're taken care of and protected. I really did like that. Like, it's almost like they want to help them preserve their innocence for a little bit longer, which I found was a great commentary to be quite frank… [laughs] I did love that. And then you also see, like you were mentioning in the character Bit Na, you're seeing somebody who could go along that trajectory towards misery, that landed Eun Ji and Tae Hyung where they are now.

Ben

Exactly, it's implied that she's doing all the things, like, you're Expected To Do(™), but there's a little bit of her being like ‘No I'm not gonna drink all that stuff from you’ and like at the end, like, she's furious with Tae Hyung. She's like, ‘No! I know that you've been causing problems for me, because you have a possessive crush on me. Fuck you. Get out of here.’

Nini

Scram! Beat it! [laughs]

Ben

Pulls out her little spray bottle: sks sks sks Move! [both laugh] Go on now, get!

Nini

So, she's sort of the antagonistic force that's pushing back against that stuff, while Ji Hyun and Ae Ri are more like that force that's laughing at that stuff. One is like, dismissive, and the other is… antagonistic. And it's two ways of dealing with the same thing.

Ben

I love how when the two of them start to bond, they just turn into like the meanest little catty duo. They're like ‘Oh well she hasn’t mentioned you at all” and “Oh has she really not? If I had a crush and had a best friend I know that I would be talking to my best friend about the crush, so… it's really embarrassing for you that she really hasn't mentioned you at all to her, right? Oh geez.’

Nini

[laughs] And he says that and then he doesn't tell Joon Pyo about his crush. Terrible.

Ben

And that's why Joon Pyo was pissed.

27:45 - The Hedwig Incident

Nini

Let’s talk about Ji Hyun and Ae Ri being catty for a second. So, we've already seen Ji Hyun and Ae Ri in class making fun of, like people giving their presentations… for this class on, I guess some kind of film studies course or whatever, because they're doing these presentations about films that they've watched or whatever. So we've seen them doing their little mean girl duo act in class already, where they, you know, kind of quietly snicker at whoever is in front of the class at the point in time — which I mean, come on, who hasn't done that with your friend in class? [laughs] 

When Ji Hyun comes back from his accident, the one that they're making fun of — and this is the part that I wasn't quite sure what they were trying to say, because I didn't recognize the character. So at first I didn't know if it was a character we had already met or if it was just a character that we hadn't seen before. And I think not knowing that also made things a little more difficult to parse? Because you get the sense from the way that this character talks to them that this is a character we're supposed to know who it is. That we have seen before or something. But I don't recognize him. Anyway. So this character is doing their presentation on Hedwig and the Angry Inch, which is a… queer classic?

Ben

I have not commented on this particular moment on Tumblr, because I didn't feel like getting flamed? But this is The Conversation! So I will say what needs to be said. So a big part of this film critic class that they're taking is that most of these presentations people are giving are only doing surface level reads of the source material. And this guy's read is not that deep either, but he dresses as Hedwig and thinks like he should be getting a lot of points for that. Whereas, they give a really solid read that understands the themes being explored in the Park Chan-wook film…

Nini

I’m a Cyborg, But That’s Okay?

Ben

They give a really solid presentation, they clearly understood the themes involved, but their presentation didn't have a lot of pizzazz, and they barely passed the class team. But they don't really care, because they took what they needed from the course: they engaged with the source material, they understood it, and they moved on, whereas he's cosplaying as Hedwig, a gay character. Does he appreciate the life of this gay character? 

Which for me felt like this show taking shots at performative queerness happening with BL in particular. A lot of these boys are cosplaying as gay: do they understand gay people? Do they understand the lives we live? Like you're sitting here beefing with me, an actual gay, and my hag over our presentation. But do you have any appreciation for who we are? Why don't you go ahead and scamper your ass down a little gay district off here and figure out what gay people actually live through? Like people didn't like that because they thought it read as transphobic, which it probably did, and I'm not going to begrudge people what they took from it. But for me I read it as you can cosplay as us, but you ain't us.

Nini

Hm. So I have never watched Hedwig, so… I couldn't really get a read on what they were trying to do with this? Because I didn't know if what the guy was saying had any weight of understanding to it.

Ben

It didn't… like even just knowing the film by reputation alone, and knowing older gay men who loved it, his read on it was weak. And it's, that's what, that's what I got, like — I don't want to drag anybody who is like ‘this is transphobic, and gay people should be better’ — it's also a surface level read on what's going on there. You're reacting to the fact that they diss a guy in drag, but not why they dissed a guy in drag — who started beef with them! I come from the school of talk shit get hit. So. [laughs]

Nini

[laughs] My main reaction to it, like I said because I, I don't have the… the context. Right? So my reaction to it was just kind of confused? I think that's what my overwhelming reaction was. I was confused by what was happening, I wasn't sure. I'm seeing all the takes, you know saying this is transmisogyny, this is transphobic, this is this that and the other, but the only thing that didn't read right to me about those takes — again, acknowledging that I didn't have the context — was that I don't know that this guy is part of queerness.

Ben

You know he ain't one of us because he couldn't walk in heels! You don't cosplay as Hedwig and not walk in heels.

Nini

Fair.

Ben

It's fine… The reason why I let everybody have it is, it was a deep cut and it wasn't for everybody. And that's kind of why I love The Eighth Sense because, the people who don't do their homework, who don't do the research on the genre history, who don't watch this stuff, who don't really engage in complex interactions with queerness — they kind of miss these sort of things. And I think that's okay, like, does the interaction read a little transphobic? It does. Do gay men's interactions with drag queens and other trans people often read transphobic? Hell yeah, they do! But I got it. 

Like, is it a great interaction? No, but… you ain't gonna last long in queer spaces if you can't handle a botched interaction.

Nini

I feel like it was probably the only really clunky part of the show, in that it wasn't clear. I feel like everything else that happened in the show was, it was very clear — it was abundantly clear what the show was saying, what the characters were saying and feeling, what they were trying to do. But I feel like this moment, this particular interaction, was the only time I felt like the show got a little… got a little clumsy.

Ben

It's the only indulgent thing that the show really does. It's the German director's favorite film, and he was taking a dig at people who get caught up in the fact that there's… gender performance stuff in Hedwig, and the wearing of the wig and dressing as a woman stuff, but they're missing, maybe the meat of the story. They focus on the wigs and the makeup, but not the person and the story. 

I have this particular beef too, like — I had an interaction with a colleague about what parts of queer cinema that they should maybe check out. And they really just wanted me to validate the things they wanted to watch. And that's kind of how this guy reads to me… like, the gay boy in the room is laughing at his performance. ‘How dare you laugh at my performance, I know I did my fucking research, I know gay people!’ [both laugh] That's — that's how that felt for me. Like, bro, why are you in my face? Like, go drink your juice Shelby, shit!

Nini

When you just said it like that, it made me think about white gays appropriating the language of the ballroom.

Ben

Well yeah, exactly, that's exactly what it feels like! Like… you aren't us, but you're wearing us. And it's fine, like you can get your little grade, you can make your little coins. But like, the rest of us are still here, trying to create queer lives that have meaning and comfort to them. Are you going to be with us there? That’s, like, if we're going to beef with this show for being rude to a guy in drag… what have you done for us lately? Like you might be queer too, and I don't mean to make you feel bad… but also if you're queer and all you do is watch BL, there's way more work to be done sweetie! 

Let go of your beef about the Hedwig scene, go watch Hedwig. Go watch I'm a Cyborg, But That's Okay. Then go watch the fucking sequences where these kids gave weak-ass takes about these really classic films, and then understand why they were getting laughed at by the teacher too. Like sure you dressed as Hedwig, but do you appreciate her? No? Okay, you get a B plus, I guess. Thank you for wearing drag.

It's not the most elegant moment in the thing? But it's one of those moments that it's like: who knows and who doesn't know?

36:32 - Ae Ri

Ben

Let's just talk about some fun gay shit. Let’s talk about Ae Ri! [laughs]

Nini

Ae Ri’s an interesting character. Ae Ri is a Seoul kid, so she's not like a country mouse innocent like Ji Hyun. She's with it, she knows what's going on, she, she understands the haps, you know what I mean? She's savvy. And she becomes Ji Hyun’s…

Ben

She becomes a hag. Let's call her what she is. Let's give her the term of endearment that we used to hand out to the best of the ladies.

Nini

She becomes the hag, yes, she becomes his fairy godmother. The way that she just kind of scoops Ji Hyun up? And is just like, ‘oh you poor little baby, come, let me help you because you very clearly need help’ [laughs] I just think that's delightful. I think that the way that their friendship develops — because at first Ji Hyun is convinced that she has a crush on him. And honestly, I'm not sure that he was wrong.

Ben

Elaborate.

Nini

I think that she clocked him when she had actually like, spent time with him?

Ben

I don't think she was paying attention to him until he drank the — until he drank the liquor for them, and then she's like, ‘Why would he do that, because all he does is look at Jae Won — Ohhh.’ [laughs]

Nini

Yeah, I feel like that's, that's where we go with this, it’s like ‘Aww! He's nice! Let me go scoop him up because he clearly needs help! Because he is not going to make it like this.’

Ben

He did though, like he needed somebody to be like ‘Bro. If you're trying to be closeted, because it seems like you are, let me just be clear: you’re doing a terrible job sweetie. Also? Them fits is busted. We need to buy you some clothes, like immediately. We're going shopping right now.’

Nini

It's like, ‘You’re trying to get Jae Won's attention? This is not how you do it. Okay, we're gonna need to accentuate those eyes darling. Ok?’ [laughs] 

She's the best girl. She ends up being protective of Ji Hyun, and because she's protective of Ji Hyun she also becomes protective of the people that Ji Hyun cares about, and Ji Hyun cares about Jae Won. So she becomes protective of Jae Won [laughs]. And she has claws! And she will use them. We talked about it earlier, but that scene where she just very neatly — she and Ji Hyun very neatly take Tae Hyung apart. The reason that they take him apart is because he goes for Jae Won, and Jae Won just looks really sad about it, and they're like ‘Not to-fuckin-day! We are going to end your entire career.’ 

She's the best girl. She's the best girl. I want her to have everything that she wants. I don't know what she wants, because it's not really clear, but I want her to have whatever she wants. She just seems to be vibin’, and I always love a character who's vibin’.

Ben

The reason why I like Ae Ri is, in a room of seniors being awful to her friend, she stood up and challenged them — and that was scary for her. Like she broke down in tears after that confrontation with the other seniors and Eun Ji. If you read that a certain way you're like, well is she weak or whatever? Like no, it's, it's scary to stand up in front of a bunch of people who are being awful and tell them like no, you guys are mean and this is not right.

Nini

That confrontation among the surf club after Ji Hyun has his accident is so ugly. You really see how self-centered these people are, these seniors. They do not care that this kid nearly died. 

Like yeah ok, they're upset about their club getting canceled because it's not technically fair. It's not like, you know, this was a club activity that he got hurt at. So yeah, ok, it's not technically fair, but the claws that they have out! And the way that they completely dismiss that at this point Ji Hyun is still in the hospital! It's not like he's back. He's still in the hospital, and they are so catty and vicious.

Ben

I don't even know if he was conscious at that point.

Nini

Yeah! He's — like he's, they're all so vicious about it. It's like they don't care whether he lives or dies? They don't care about anything other than the fact that this is inconveniencing them. And… that, Ae Ri takes that in, she like feels that, she internalizes that, and she realizes: y'all don't give a fuck about us. 

Which, which we’re dealing with like intergenerational relationships, and you're in a situation where you are the low man on the totem pole. You expect a certain amount of care and consideration to be taken with regards to you, because you're, you're the low man on the totem pole, you can't protect yourself necessarily. You need these people to care for and protect you. And… realizing, quite clearly and unambiguously, that these people will not protect her. They will not protect any of them. They don't care. Like I can understand why she breaks down.

Ben

Exactly. Like it's terrifying to realize that the people you're asked to respect do not give a shit about you. They'll demand abasement all the time, but when some shit popped off, did they care about Jae Won? Did they care about Ji Hyun? No, they're like: wow this is awfully inconvenient for us isn't it.

Nini

It was so ugly. I just remember being shocked, like you — I felt that one, you know what I mean? It wasn't just like, the intellectualization of what was happening on screen, I felt that deep somewhere inside of me.

42:50 - Ji Hyun and Jae Won

Ben

My appreciation for The Eighth Sense is more intellectual than it is emotional. I think it's very excellent: I gave it a 9.5 when I rated it? But I'm not… obsessed with the romance of this the way I might have been in another show. I like the way this one unfolds; I really like the way these two talk to each other. I like the way they see each other, I like that they totally misunderstood each other after the near-death crisis moment, and I like that other people pulled their heads out of their asses for them, so that they could be together, and then they followed through on that. 

But because this is just a very ‘boy likes boy’ sort of story, there isn't really a whole lot to say about the romance, but I do think we should take some time to unpack how we see Jae Won and Ji Hyun engaging with each other.

Nini

Yeah, so let's do that. These two are, as you would have said before, drawn to each other from the start, like Jae Won clocks Ji Hyun in the restaurant, Ji Hyun clocks Jae Won… I haven't rewatched the first couple of episodes as yet, but I think I remember that when Jae Won goes outside to smoke, Ji Hyun follows him?

Ben

Ji Hyun is outside, maybe on like a break or whatever? Just decompressing after a stressful moment, and all of Jae Won and his friends are maybe thinking about leaving. And then Jae Won asks for a lighter so he can light a cigarette.

Nini

He asks for the cigarette first, because he doesn't have a cigarette. He asks for a cigarette and he asks for a lighter, which is why I thought I remembered Ji Hyun following him outside, because the lighter that he gives him is the gas match for the restaurant, not like a, a standard bic. It's the big… gas match that he uses so — to light the cigarette for him, and he gives him two cigarettes. One for now and one one for later.

Ben

Jae Won was definitely flirting in a subtle way, and then Ji Hyun responds in a way that's like, I see you, but it both gave them the chance to back off of it and just write it off. Which is where I started to really appreciate the show, because… BL flirting is too overt sometimes.

Nini

It’s a dance that I've seen before, this kind of, I think you are but are you? And there's like these little subtle signals, and all these other things… I mean I don't need to tell: you're gay, you know.

Ben

[laughs] No no Nini! Go on!

Nini

Hilarious. [both laugh] Fine, read me.

Ben

Nah, it's, it's legitimately fun for me to see what other people are picking up on.

Nini

The thing is that it's so easy to dismiss, and it has to be. So these two, they clock each other, they do the dance, you know — ‘are you? I think you are, but are you? I think you are’ kind of dance.

Ben

What's so fun about them dancing is, like it could have been a one off moment. But then Ji Hyun joins the surfing club. And Ji Hyun forces Jae Won to see him. Like ‘No, my name is Ji Hyun, what's yours? You said you wanted to be friends. Were you just bullshitting me, or were you just flirting?’

Nini

Yeah, Ji Hyun is actually pretty…

Ben

He's so brave! I love him!

Nini

He is pretty forward for a baby gay, I will say that.

Ben

He knows who he is. And he sees a boy in pain — who's very pretty — and he's like, ‘I can help him.’ Not ‘I can fix him.’ ‘I can help him’ — Ji Hyun doesn't really demand anything of Jae Won really. He just won't let Jae Won fully push him away, and continues to offer him emotional support. He's incredibly patient, in a way that maybe city folk aren't used to.

Nini

Being city folk myself I can't, like, speak to city versus country in that regard, because I simply don't have the country experience.

Ben

I'm from Louisiana! [laughs]

Nini

The extra shot in that daiquiri gettin to ya, huh?

Ben

It really is. We are two-thirds of the way through this 32 ounces? That's a lot. [laughs]

Nini

There is something to be said for like, the way that Ji Hyun is… he's brave, he's forward, but he does it in this kind of quiet still way. He's pushing, there's definitely no doubt that he's pushing. But he's also not pushy?

Ben

When I was really on Twitter a lot, there’s this writer I used to follow, his name is Anthony Oliveira? He's queer, and he used to say like once or twice a day on his Twitter, he would say: Be brave enough to be kind. And that's where Ji Hyun fits for me. Even when he's being catty with people, it's only with people who came at him sideways. It's… the Hedwig boy coming at him for no reason, it's Eun Ji beefing with him for no reason, it's Joon Pyo picking on him a little bit, and him being like nah, fuck you bro. Other than that, he treats people really well. He gives people back the energy they give him. Like when they drag Tae Hyung, we mentioned this earlier, he was being shitty about Bit Na when she wasn't even there. And it's like bro, she don’t owe you nothin’. 

That's kind of what I love about Ji Hyun, because that's what he gives Jae Won. Jae Won flirted with him a little bit, he flirted back. He won't let Jae Won run away after starting that with him, like ‘Hm! You made a mistake — you should not have started this!’ And like, he's so confident at the end, like he's singing a song, like, ‘I won, ha ha!’

Nini

It's like ‘Jae Won’s miiiiiine, Jae Won’s miiiiiine’ [laughs] I love that so much! 

Ben

And Eun Ji’s like, ‘What’s it like to win?’ and he’s like ‘Hm, I’ll tell you later tonight!’ [laughs] And let's talk about that boy later that night, because he pinned that boy down… he's like oh no, we've been here for four hours of this TV show? It's time to get mine.

Nini

Ahhh, he literally said — what's the line that he said? ‘Don't laugh, you don't know what's coming next.’ 

Ben

Right? I was like, baby boy!

Nini

I loved that, I loved that!

Ben

I was in my — I was like yeeeeees bitch, yeeeeeees!

[both laugh]

Ben

Get! It! In!

Nini

He's like, I — he's like, I may look, I may look innocent but I ain't that innocent, you know, kind of…

Ben

He said I am suited, tooted, and booted!

Nini

He’s like, I have the internet, I know how these things go… [laughs]

Ben

It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake.

[both laugh]

Nini

God I hate you. [both laugh] Oh god…

50:38 - Joon Pyo and Boss Lady

Ben

Speaking of getting it in… let's talk about my boy Joon Pyo.

Nini

Hello! Hello. I said it in the clown server and I'm gonna repeat it on this podcast and I don't care how filthy it is okay? You just know — I'm sorry he might be a virgin, but I know that dick game bomb. I know it!

Ben

Look, we've been here a while; anybody who's still listening wants to be here. Let's talk about this for a second. Both Yoon Won and Joon Pyo are fat characters, who are seen enjoying food repeatedly in this show, and I am so glad that the two of them get to have what was clearly a very enjoyable makeout session with each other. And got to vibe for the rest of the night, and are confirmed to dip — off to wherever they're going on their own, so we got time to do our little gay thing we need to next to my rain! bow! lamp! in this room. 

My boy! He's been there for his homie the whole time, because he knows his friend gets lonely, he tries to make sure he does social things with him. Maybe he's a little overbearing, maybe he's a little codependent, but he had his boy’s back, and when his boy was down for the count? He starts working at his job, treating the boss with respect — because the boss seems like she might be picky about who she lets work with her. And she seemed to like Joon Pyo too! He brought that man his school supplies to make sure that he didn't have to lose a semester. And when he found out that his homie was gay, and the reason he almost died was for some dick? He was like, ‘shit was it worth it? Yes? We need to secure that bag, don't we? What we doing next?’

Nini

He was for it!

Ben

He stumbled briefly, he's like ‘Wait, Ae Ri knew before me?’ ‘Yeah, but she's from Seoul, she clocked me, I don't know.’ ‘All right, so she's just smart. Is she cool? Are we friends now, does that mean I get to hang out with cool people?’ My man is always looking at the best way to proceed forward. Ain't nobody doing it like my man Joon Pyo.

Nini

Not just that — when, after all this shit when Ji Hyun and Jae Won finally get back together, Joon Pyo clears out of the room that first night, he's like, ‘clearly y'all got some stuff to be doing and I don't want to be here while y'all do it.’ 

Ben

Right? Jae Won, he's like where'd you, like I felt — I felt it for Ji Hyun, like he wakes up in the morning and Jae Won's gone and like, that boy is not well. We knew that boy almost hurt himself in the show. Ji Hyun’s, ah, understandably worried, he goes out and he's just vibing with with Joon Pyo and he's like ‘well what's going on here?’ He's like ‘well Joon Pyo hung out outside all night for us, so. He brought us coffee, I'm honoring the man's commitment to us.’ And Joon Pyo’s like, ‘you're very pretty and popular, like… would you please take me clubbing?’ He's like ‘hell yeah, let's go clubbing. Let's get you some, son!’

Nini

[laughs] I love that!

Ben

And he's like ‘how do I need to dress, how do I need to be?’ He’s like ‘man you just need to be yourself’ … says the rich boy with all the nice clothes. [laughs]

Nini

You just know that Jae Won gonna make it rain on Joon Pyo at the club. He's going to make sure that he has everything.

Ben

I love Joon Pyo. I liked how there were kind people even in Seoul, like… like these are two freshmen clearly not used to Seoul who want to try specialty drinks for the first time. And I like how that bartender only teased them briefly, and then gave them the kind of popular drinks people their age might want to enjoy. Like that felt so gentle to me in a way, and it really stuck out when I watched it.

Nini

I feel like one of the things that the show gets right, that I really enjoyed, was that the businesses around a university are really accustomed to having students — particularly new students who don't know what the fuck they're doing. The people who work and who own and work in businesses around a university can really be quite nice like that.

Ben

That's how I feel about the boss character. She clearly loves young people, in a genuine way, and like Eun Ji thought she was really doing some stuff, ‘Oh I'm about to post a negative review on you on Yelp.’ And I like how she's like ‘Business improved as a result of your negative review, you insufferable waste of human flesh.’ [laughs] People were like, ‘So this mean catty person got chewed out by, by a business owner for being rude to the support staff? Yeah, we should go to that place.’

I like how the boss doesn't have a name, because it doesn't really matter if she has a name or not, because she's a temporary component of their lives. They're not going to really remember her name in a way that it matters, they're going to remember the things she said to them. They're going to remember how she treated them. They're going to remember like, how she helped them grow, how she pushed them to choose the things in their lives that they wanted. And like that's what matters about her character. Like, that's why they don't give her a name, because it doesn't matter what her name is, because she's so much older than them that we don't have to distinguish her. She is the positive older mentor figure in their lives.

Nini

I just think of her as such a, I mean, [laughs] Because you’re right, she doesn’t get a name, but she is so important to… not just having the story unfold, but she's important to the characters. 

56:28 - Let’s Talk About The Kissing (And Episode 6)

Ben

Let's talk about the kissing?

Nini

You go first.

Ben

Oh absolutely not. [Nini laughs] You of the… you of the, ‘all of the kissing is bad and I have notes?’ [laughs] 

No, it's fine, I'm gonna go first cause, I have more fun than you sometimes with these terrible kiss scenes. I will say that overall I enjoyed the execution of intimacy in this because everyone is very earnest, and I never feel like I'm not observing the character. This is shored up by the fact that Im Ji Sub gives absolutely terrible kisses with Eun Ji’s actress, on purpose. Straight actors will win me over so much in queer cinema when, when they're forced to kiss women, they look like they hate it. [laughs]

Nini

From a character standpoint I found it very believable.

Ben

Okay.

Nini

I found it extremely believable from a character standpoint. It wasn't pretty, but it's not supposed to be pretty? Jae Won is definitely more experienced than Ji Hyun, and that shows? It works for me, because I don't feel like Ji Hyun is supposed to be good at it. I feel like he's new to the whole thing, and because of that, the enthusiasm carries more for me than the technique. He's new to it but he's going for it in a particular kind of way. There's some little acting choices that Oh Jun Taek does, like he opens his mouth, like really wide when —

Ben

I loved it! The first time I thought, I was like, go — I was like go in baby boy!

Nini

I loved that, because — that's the kind of thing you do when you're learning to kiss, you overcompensate.

Ben

I love it.

Nini

You overcompensate when you're learning to kiss, it’s one of the things that you do, so I actually really like that detail? He looks like he wants to swallow Jae Won whole, and I really [laughs] really like that —

Ben

I fucking love it, I loved it so much —

Nini

I really love that and that's, that's the kissing at the end, but then the kissing sort of in between as well, is really… good, because those kisses — those kisses like towards the end… like they're together at that point, you know what I mean, it's a whole different thing. But the way that he kisses him before that, there is a little bit of tentativeness to it, some — in some parts? When they're surfing when they're on their trip, and he kisses them in the sea? Like, in terms of pretty? Those are the pretty, those are the prettiest kisses, like you know what I mean? Those, those aesthetically pleasing, all that good stuff, and you feel the sense of euphoria that's coming out of it? They are having this whole moment, there is so much joy in those kisses, which I truly love. 

And that's the other thing, like every — all the kisses have different moods. And you know I like to follow the trajectory of a relationship through the… to the intimacy and how it's being portrayed. So watching all the kisses and the, all the intimacy have different moods to it? Fantastic. I can't complain about it. Is it pretty? In a lot of instances, no. Does it feel real? Absolutely a hundred percent, all the time.

See? See?

Ben

I'm so relieved y'all, because normally I'm like ‘I really enjoyed that!’ and Nini's like ‘Hmmm… it was terrible’ and I'm like, ‘Awww.’ [laughs]

Nini

You know, I'm out here being Beyonce, ‘look at my technique,’ you know kinda thing [laughs] And Ben's like ‘No!’

[both laugh]

Ben

Leave them alone! They're doing their best, shit.

Nini

No… No but I really, I did, I did like it here. It's also maybe something to do with the style, because the style is so vérité? When you get an ugly kiss — quote unquote ugly kiss — in a vérité style, it feels different…

Nini

…than when you get a quote unquote ugly kiss in a style that's very polished.

Ben

I know what you mean. Like a —

Nini

You know?

Ben

Right, right. When it feels very fanciful and like ‘this is the best kiss that's ever happened,’ and you're like ‘oh but it wasn't.’

Nini

Yeah, exactly. [laughs] Precisely.

Ben

All right, so, while we're talking about the intimacy and stuff, I think we should talk about episode 6 reactions. First, I'm going to say that I loved episode 6, and I particularly enjoyed the way they handled the intimacy of episode 6? I think that was very appropriate for… the newness of the actors, the lack of an intimacy coordinator… 

I want to talk about the reaction. I don't know if you were on Tumblr for this, but there was a lot of discussion at the end of episode 6 where people were saying that episode 6 was not real. That it was fake — and I have written on Tumblr on record about how much I hated that take, and I want to unpack it here.

Nini

I did see the reactions on Tumblr, I mostly stayed out of it… I didn't really delve too much into The Eighth Sense discussion? I did do, like a little thing about Eun Ji, but I didn't really delve into The Eighth Sense discussion because I wanted it to play out. I felt like The Eighth Sense is one of those shows that… the episodic discussion wasn't going to give much. I felt like it's one of those shows where I needed to see the full, the full thing, to really… understand. Because it's not — as, as we said earlier in the show, it's not really one of those… episode by episode kind of things where the plot is what's driving it or whatever, it's really about the interactions that these characters are having, the way that they're interacting with their surroundings. 

It's why we've been jumping back and forth in discussion, and like it's how I felt about it while it was airing, so I really kinda, didn't really delve too much into the whole episode 6 discussion. I saw it, but… I wasn't getting into it.

Ben

I guess I'm just gonna deliver a little read while we're here then.

Nini

Okay!

Ben

[laughs] Here we go!

Nini

Here we go.

Ben

I don't want to disrespect anyone before we get into this. Let me be clear. Like, I do believe people were relying on very fair reads of traditional filming techniques, for why they believed that some parts of… episode 6 might have not been real, or that Jae Won would— became an unreliable narrator for it? But I think it's very important to talk about this. 

Just because it's unpleasant to consider does not mean it's not real. This is not meant to be read as disrespect to those of you trying to make sense of what's going on because you were nervous and concerned for Ji Hyun. That is valid. But, please understand, that for me — this is just me! As a queer person in these streets with y'all — whenever you all seemingly get squicked out because one of us isn't being entertaining or sexy? It makes me feel a little bit unwelcome. That's all I'm going to say about that, because you know who was right as of episode 7? Me! It was real!

[both laugh]

Ben

I was insufferable that week, I feel sorry for everybody who had to talk to me.

Nini

[laughs] I didn't think you were insufferable.

Ben

I felt insufferable. I was smug! My crops were watered.

Nini

The field in which you grew your fucks was barren.

[both laugh]

Ben

I don't want anyone to feel embarrassed if you just — felt called out by what I just said. But I would like you to approach these shows with just a little more kindness. The goal of watching TV is not to be right. It's about finding connection — with fictional people, and the real people who are also finding that connection with you. It can bring you closer to other people. It can help you understand other people. It can bring you just a little bit of peace and joy in an otherwise difficult time. There are no points to be awarded, you are not taking a test when you watch these shows. So please… be kinder to yourselves. Be kind to the people making these stories, and be kind to the people who are also watching them alongside you.

Nini

[singing] Message!

Ben

I'm a little drunk but that's all I'm going to say on that!

1:06:21 - The Party Scene and Forgiveness

Nini

Let's talk about that end scene, the party.

Ben

Okay, let's talk about forgiveness for the next thirty minutes. [laughs]

Nini

I think that's a good segue from what you just said: let's talk a little bit about forgiveness.

Ben

I'm gonna let Nini talk, because I just made you guys feel bad for like, probably 10 minutes of this edit. 

Here's the thing: Nini and I… came down on the side of forgiveness for this. But Nini and I are a little bit older than some of the viewers, so… I'll let you talk about the final scene and particularly how there were mixed reactions to Jae Won’s and Ji Hyun’s decision to reconcile, at a party, with Tae Hyung and Eun Ji: the two worst offenders of this particular story. Nini?

Nini

See here's the thing: I didn't read it as a reconciliation? And that's probably why I have a, like a different view of it. So the way that I read that is, when you're stonkingly giddy happy… when you are at a celebratory event, when you are… drinking, let's just be real about it… It is so easy to just be like, ‘You know what? I don't want to fight, I don't want to argue. I just want to let all this go… like, there's so much love in this club, I'm just gonna…’ [laughs] 

Ben

And there is love in this club tonight! Some of you don't even know.

Nini

That's part of it. That's definitely part of it. But also, you have to understand what's happening with Tae Hyung, and with Eun Ji in here as well. 

Tae Hyung is a dick. That doesn't change throughout the show. He was a dick at the start of the show, at the end of the show he's still a dick… nothing about him changes. But you get to understand the value that Jae Won finds in Tae Hyung. Because he… outright asks him, Tae Hyung asks him ‘Why are you still friends with me?’ because Tae Hyung doesn't even understand why Jae Won keeps him around. And what Jae Won says about that, he’s just like… Basically he tells him, ‘I keep you around because you don't mask and I find that really refreshing.’ That's basically what he tells him. 

And that makes so much sense to me. And it also makes me understand why he would just let the shit go, at this point. Because Tae Hyung's not going to change. We see that at the same party. He continues to try to hit on Bit Na. He has to get read to the ground by Bit Na for his bullshit. Tae Hyung is never going to change.

Ben

That's true. He's the most bitchless motherfucker in the whole show.

[both laugh]

Nini

Completely! A hundred percent. He's never going to change, and Jae Won finds that comforting. Also, I have seen men forgive each other for all kinds of shit? So that just read a hundred percent true to me. I have seen dudes fight, box, wrestle, nearly kill each other… and then two days later they're out together hanging out.

Ben

Dude I've seen them after the fight bloody, like crying, hugging each other like I love you bro! [laughs] And I'm like, the hell just happened?

Nini

That rang a hundred percent true to me… I think that if Tae Hyung and Jae Won stay in contact — because there's no guarantee that that's going to happen either, because they're coming to the end of things now. The fact that they're having this party because Yoon Won got a job means that things are starting to move. Where all the seniors were stuck before, things are now starting to move for them. They're coming to the end of this period of their lives anyway, so they've also got like a hefty whiff of nostalgia permeating the whole thing, and also? They don't know if they're gonna see each other really, after this. They don't know if they're going to stay friends. It's easy in that situation to just let the shit go, and I've seen the situation happen so many times before and I'm just kind of like, you know what? That rang true for me, I wasn't worried about that.

Ben

I’m with Nini. As a boy, I have friends like that. Where… you know who this person is: kind of a sad sack, kind of a shit heel, and you get it. But they're weirdly there? And so, you just accept these losses, like yeah he tried to get me kicked out of school but he failed, because he sucks, so… whatever. Was that annoying? Yes. Is he going to apologize for it? No. But he wouldn't be himself if he apologized. And like that's not great, but this is again a reflection of the current state of social… politics.

Nini

It's more of a question of, is this realistic? And to me, yes it is.

Ben

Nini and I are both from cultures that have carnival. And so like, I've seen this happen at Mardi Gras, where blood feuds have ended because, like, we ran into each other at a parade. And like, the right thing was said at the right moment, and people just let go of decades worth of beef. Like it can happen! And like, the question is like, does holding on to this anger at Tae Hyung help Jae Won take care of Ji Hyun? So let it go.

Nini

The way I can best describe it is: whatever, I'm over it. It's not like he's gonna, like make him like godparent to his first born or anything like that, I don't think that's where their relationship is going. I'd be surprised if they're speaking to each other in two years. For now, at a party? Everybody's happy, everybody's drinking. You're gonna go home with your boyfriend later and have a great time, like… [laughs]

Ben

Right? The music is good, the drinks are flowing, there's love in this club tonight.

Nini

The other one that everybody’s upset about is Ji Hyun forgiving Eun Ji. Now I also found that incredibly believable. Not just for party reasons but also for career reasons? Eun Ji is still his senior. The first thing he does, like when he walks up to her, is he apologizes for being snarky with her. In the moment and like the heat of battle so to speak, he might have popped off at the mouth, but he's gonna feel bad about it later. And I can see him, like, apologizing to her about it. And I can genuinely see her, having lost so comprehensively? Licking her wounds, taking a step back, and reassessing her entire life.

Ben

Here's the thing about the way she lost to Ji Hyun. What she realized from Jae Won handing her her entire ass was, Ji Hyun was never her enemy. She lost way before this boy showed up. And so all the beef she had with him in this whole competition for Jae Won? Was nil, because he said, ‘I saw you.’ And so all of the presumption she had about, like, what was at stake, is this a battle for Jae Won’s booty or whatever… Like none of that works out. He had already dismissed her. And he was adamant: he did not want to be with her, the whole time. So she feels like an asshole, because she's been in the wrong the whole time. 

And maybe like a part of her was true about this. Maybe she was just bitter that Jae Won was gone. She's mad about him being gone, but she didn't do right by him and she lied. That's the big thing, like she's been caught lying. There's no coming back from that. Whatever her goals were for Jae Won, she had to eat that bowl of shit, and set it aside. And like there's no value for her in beefing with Ji Hyun anymore, because it just further exacerbates how much of an asshole she is. This boy did literally nothing to her, and they are not equals in a struggle for the heart of a bisexual boy. She lost her chance before this boy showed up. And so it's actually good to see her becoming the senior she's supposed to be, now that she has some experience to maybe pass on and grow from.

Nini

I agree with that read, I really think that she's reassessing and reevaluating her entire life at this point? She's feeling a little vulnerable, she's feeling a little… raw. She’s feeling a little humbled, and so… when you're feeling that way, just what do you do? You sit quietly and you try not to do too much. I don't know if this feels the way that it feels to me because I am an old bitch? But… [laughs] The first and hopefully last time you ever find yourself beefing with a fetus? Like… [laughs]

Ben

BEEFING WITH A FETUS! AAAAH! [laughs]

Nini

You know I'm right. You know I'm right.

Ben

I know what you mean! I mean there’re times, I'm like, oh lord I almost threw hands with a 12 year old today.

[both laugh]

Nini

You literally like, when somebody slaps into you like, what are you doing? Like this is a child! Hopefully it only ever happens to you once. And hopefully you very quickly realize that you are, in fact… you're in an antagonistic situation with a child.

Ben

It's really hard to realize sometimes that you are wrong. And to accept that and try to, like, move on from it properly. Like, I think she does okay. And like, she's still an asshole… just like Tae Hyung’s still an asshole. But I think she does okay.

Nini

To me it feels right, that the end is not… a comeuppance in that sense or a vengeance, but it's more like everybody being like, ‘Look okay, we all been through it. Let's just hug that shit out. Maybe I'll see you again, maybe I won't, but for right now, we’re here, it's a party, let's just have a good time, and not like do all this shit.’

1:17:14 - On a Possible Second Season

Ben

Speaking of ‘maybe we'll see each other again’ how do you feel about returning to these characters?

Nini

As you always say: Dick is not magical, it does not fix you.

Ben

It does not!

Nini

And there's still a lot, particularly on Jae Won’s side, like there's stuff with Ji Hyun too, but especially with Jae Won, there's still a lot there… in terms of his mental health, in terms of his family, in terms of all that stuff. So… there is room there? For something else, that could be interesting, but… I feel like if this was all there was, I would be good with it. 

How do you feel? What, what are your thoughts on a potential sequel?

Ben

So we talked about sequels in the spring season and I was really amped about sequels! I don't… feel the pull for one here yet. I'm not opposed, because… these characters are so strong, like we're gonna remember these characters, we're gonna remember Ji Hyun, Jae Won, Joon Pyo, Yoon Won, Eun Ji, Tae Hyung, the boss… Ae Ri! Don't forget my girl, I'm sorry boo boo. We're going to remember these characters, and their characterizations are fairly strong. So I am confident that the voice of the characters is strong enough to carry them into whatever new situations they want to put these characters through. 

However… I believe that this particular outing had a lot of very specific things they wanted to say, about queerness, about being Korean, about being young in Korea… and I hope that if they really want to continue the story, that they have more things that they think are worth saying, and they do that in a way that's legible. I am just concerned that they aren't prepared for… a domestic story where one of them is still in school? And the other one is trying to survive their homophobic family? And abusive dad. And I'm not entirely certain that I am… eager to explore that? 

I'm not opposed to a sequel, I'm not yearning for one, but I do hope that we get more melodrama out of these guys. I enjoyed this production a lot! Even if we don't get more of The Eighth Sense, I hope that this team continues to make cool stuff. I really loved the way Oh Jun Taek played Ji Hyun this whole time. I loved the way he moved, I loved the way he spoke, I loved his smile. And like, I like how in the final episodes when Jae Won has, almost the Japanese running-to-the-boy moment, I just love the way that… Ji Hyun is just so ecstatic to finally get what he's been hoping for. And he's clingy for the final parts of this show, and he's having a good time! He's literally radiant for the rest of the show! Oh Jun Taek plays the relief and joy of that character so well. 

Like you see, even Jae Won, like you can see his old bones creaking. That's, he's like ‘I can experience joy again?’ as he quickly wakes up for this, and like — I feel like some of the… final bits were a little bit rushed? But I'm not going to complain, because like… I like the therapy bit with Jae Won, like it allows me to be forgiving about a character — who's had a lot of emotional struggles for the whole fucking show — to very quickly adapt to the situation, and like ‘no, we're boyfriends now.’ Like you can see the work of somebody who spent a great deal of time working with a professional about how he's feeling and how to manage them… expressing them properly, now that the hugest block is out of his way. And that lands really well for me in the final moments, like in another show it might have felt like this got resolved too quickly.

Nini

I don't feel like it did get resolved too quickly. If I have to do like, one more ding for the show: I think that the passage of time, particularly in this last two episodes, wasn't really clear?

Ben

It is not.

Nini

There's a sequence where Ji Hyun is in a classroom and he's sitting in different positions in the classroom and wearing different clothes, and we're meant to understand that that is time passing. So there is a bunch of time that passes, in episode 9 in particular, that I don't think it’s very clear to the audience that there is a lot of time passing. We're seeing Jae Won becoming stronger and stronger and happier and happier. But because it all happens in a montage where it's not clear that time is passing, it feels rushed. I don't know how much time there is? But it feels like they go through a season, because you see his clothes change. At one point he's just wearing a t-shirt, and then the next time when they meet each other up, they're back into like maybe something heavier, like more like fall clothes? So I feel like they at least went through the summer.

Ben

Though I did love this show, this is not a show that's going to be, like, part of my personal canon.

Nini

For me, it's like… I can appreciate it as being objectively good. I can feel the emotions that it was going for?... Watching it is kind of… ticking something off a film syllabus.

Ben

That's the exact feeling… that like, I think it is!

Nini

That makes it sound bad in a way, but I don't mean for it to sound bad.

Ben

It goes on the must-watch list, but you're like, ehhh.

Nini

It's all the things: it's good, it's worthy, it's enjoyable, it's emotional… It's all of the things that you want a drama to be. I will recommend it for sure, I think it's important work. I… don't really see myself rewatching it? It touches me but it doesn't give me the visceral feelings.

Ben

This is not calling the show bad!

Nini

Objectively, this is a 10 show for me.

Ben

Don't let our mid commentary at the end of this two and a half hour recording deter you. We loved this show! And like we said in the beginning, we will remember every single one of these characters, because they're so vivid, and they're so expertly crafted. Do we recommend The Eighth Sense? Wholeheartedly yes! Please! You should experience this. Go watch this.

1:24:10 - Checking in Two Months Later

Ben

Okay, Nini… it's been about two months I think since The Eighth Sense ended at this point? How are you feeling about it two months later?

Nini

As I predicted I have not rewatched it. I have not felt the need to rewatch it. When I was doing the edit I was listening to us talk about it and everything just came flooding back. Like I could remember distinctly how I felt watching it, the things that we were talking about, but I still don't feel compelled to rewatch it. 

I feel like it's one of those things where… it has stuck? Somewhere deep inside? And because it stuck I don't need to go back to it and reinterpret it and review it and look at it again, I feel like it was so clear. It was so legible. It spoke for itself really, and so I don't feel the need to go over and over and over it. It's very different from how I normally consume media because if I'm really into something I will go over and over and over and over it. This is… very different for me, a very different experience of taking in media. 

What about you Ben, how do you feel about it a few months down the line?

Ben

I feel a bit weird about it, and I think a big part of it is the way that the team behind it is continuing to release behind the scenes content in a way that I wasn't expecting — like I was hoping it’d feel more akin to… the gravitas with which Boss and them released the I Told Sunset About You documentaries. But it's been a little bit on the silly side? 

There's talk about them doing a second season. And I'm not opposed, but I feel like it's left me in a liminal space with the show, like I feel like I'm sitting on a, like a train station waiting for the next train to come. 

What has stuck with me, and I was thinking about this when I listened to the edit, is: I'm so glad that we had that whole conversation on forgiveness. Because let me tell you, the amount of peace I have had over this show because I'm not sitting here hating on Tae Hyung or Eun Ji all these months later? Because they just don't matter. I really like that the show left us with these two driving down a tunnel together and saying, ‘Whatever is coming next, we'll do this together.’ That's so lovely. 

Like I feel like where I was with the show at the end of it, like it is one of those things that goes… in my cataloging of, this is a really good piece that I am going to remember and recommend to the youths, when they ask me about things that are worth watching from certain places or from certain angles. But I don't necessarily find myself yearning for Jae Won or Ji Hyun the way I have for other people. It was fun though, revisiting our absolutely unhinged love for Joon Pyo when I went back through this. [laughs] I still love that boy so much.

Nini

Joon Pyo the MVP! Everybody needs a friend like him. Everybody.

Ben

He was a really good friend. 

I think what stands out for me really about The Eighth Sense is that the field itself is just so much more crowded now. So much good stuff was airing when this show aired, more good stuff has aired since this show aired. It's not a knock on The Eighth Sense, it's just that… we have such a wide variety of excellent offerings to choose from, that I find that you're going to be able to find shows that hit your specific emotional resonances more consistently. Regardless of how good The Eighth Sense is, it didn't fully resonate with the exact weird queer sensibilities I have, that would make me put it into one of my heart shows.

Nini

You know what it is I think, Ben? I think we're getting older. [Ben laughs] I think this is an intensely youthful show. I watch these coming of age dramas all the time I mean, you spoke about ITSAY and that still like hits me like a ton of bricks. But that's because it feels like my youth? 

Whereas, I feel oddly… both connected and disconnected from The Eighth Sense. It feels like a youth that I'm familiar with? But not one that I have experienced? We talked about the millennial thing when we were talking about the show, and how this feels like that. But it still feels distant from my experience of being a millennial somehow? I think maybe I'm just too old for the show. Like, I can appreciate it for what it is, but I'm too old for it and it doesn't hit the nostalgia buttons that I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You the Moon and shows like that hit. I think this is one for the kids, Ben.

Ben

I don't think that's bad! What I'll say is, I'm really glad that there is room for that now. We've been talking in other spaces about how fandom feels like it's bifurcating too many times now, that it feels thinner than it used to be? Like it feels like there used to be a lot more of us around. But I just feel like a big thing at this point is, we're not all trying to get some sort of energy from the exact same shows anymore. 

Right now I'm yelling on Tumblr about a whole show that Nini is just not watching. And I think that's okay, because Nini and I are still screaming at each other about at least two or three other shows, and so like I'm not feeling despondent because Nini, who's one of my best friends in fandom, isn't watching one of the shows that I'm really enjoying right now. It's okay that The Eighth Sense is the type of coming of age experience that maybe is more suited for the Gen Z types than the millennials.

Nini

So now that we have fully memento mori’d ourselves, I think that's that's a wrap for us. [laughs]

Ben

It's a really good show guys. Don't, don't get us wrong like we're, we're being a little bit wistful at the end of this, but — I really liked this show. Like I still, I stand by everything we said in the original recording. 

I really like the performances here, I really like the gumption of this entire production. I really like the casting choices. I like the way Oh Jun Taek and Im Ji Sub really worked together. And… sincerely, if they want to do more work with these two guys and reprising these characters, I will be there, seated, to see what they do next. 

Nini

All right! And with that, we out! Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace!

[joyswonderland1108]

“You guys have changed”

Hi hello, i’m back again with my “this fandom is shitty” rant.

On today’s live (or yesterday depending on where you live) Joon said this very sentence after reading some comments and what can i say? Surprised? Not the slightest, if anything y’all already know where i stand when it comes to this fandom. 

“Yoongi marry me” “I’m X member’s wife” “Touch your nose if *ship* is real” “Speak English”, etc etc.. 

Let’s talk about each “category” separately. 

“Marry me” “I’m X’s wife” 

It’s okay to joke once or twice about one thing but when it gets too repetitive.. Why the fuck do these boys even bother coming live if every other comment is “marry me” or “I’m X member’s wife” at least be original? Make it funny? Stop maybe assuming that they even want to get married or even intend on marrying the opposite gender? 

I’m going to set the point on my last sentence here. At some point it starts to get a bit too offensive when the boys keep on trying to share things that are personal to them, whether it’s in a direct way or indirect way, just for this fandom to completely misunderstand them or not even bother trying to understand in the first place. It’s bad enough that the boys can’t really say things literally as they are but they still try to get the message out there just for this fandom to completely dismiss it and not give them a chance to be understood, but the fact that they also have to remind them through direct comments that they don’t give one flying fuck about what the boys are trying to share with us, trying to let us understand. 

Yoongi didn’t say that "i focus on personality and atmosphere, i don’t have an ideal type and it’s not limited to a girl”  Just for your asses to be commenting “I’m Yoongi’s wife”, i bet if one of y’all sickos could’ve thought about switching the heteronormativity in this “joke” at least once despite being a woman yourself and go for a “I’m Yoongi’s husband” that would’ve made him smile for the sole reason that it’s not the same bullshit he sees every single time. 

I remember a few days ago i came across a snippet from an SKZ live on tiktok, well it was originally Bangchan’s live and Han decided to join

The way they had fun with that question, the way they just answered it like it was just another monday, the way it didn’t feel annoying, the way it was an open door for them too to crack jokes with stays.. Lemme just tell you beforehand that stays are original and so far from what i noticed their comments are mostly fun they also like to mention memes in the comments to which, i believe usually it’s Bangchan, who actually let’s them know that he DID see this and that, that he did see some edits, etc.. It’s basically a whole conversation in the comments not the same lame ass jokes every single time. 

Mentioning other idols in the comments.. 

And for what? If said idol has NOTHING to do with the members, why even bring up their name? If it wasn’t part of some type of collab, some type of acknowledged outing, or something similar why are we even talking about someone else in the boys lives what are they? A directory service? Mentioning the collab with Charlie Puth to JK is OK, mentioning the collab with Psy to Yoongi is OK, mentioning the collab with Taeyang to Jimin is OK, mentioning the collab with So Yoon to Joon is OK, etc.. but randomly mentioning some idol unprovoked? 

I’m going back to a Bangchan live, the very recent one when he was asked if he saw how Jimin mentioned Felix in Pixid 

The question didn’t come out of nowhere, they didn’t just ask him about Jimin and called it a day, they precisely mentioned the part where Jimin mentioned Felix who is Chris’s (Bangchan) fellow bandmate and friend, also can you just see how genuine Chris’s reaction is? The way he was so happy to talk about that, the way he was so excited, the way he was just like you and i. And we did end up getting Felix doing the “Like Crazy” challenge after all

“Speak English” 

Well no bitch how about YOU speak Korean for a change? YOU decided to stan a South Korean boy group and for all we know the official language in South Korea isn’t English, they don’t have to speak YOUR language or the language YOU best understand just to soothe your entitlement, if they do speak it from time to time it’s just out of generosity from them that they don’t even have to give to this shitty fandom.

It’s also the fact that they repeatedly keep on telling you that they don’t speak English or their English isn’t really good, that they don’t feel comfortable enough to speak English, but the comments keep on repeating the same bullshit order not even request, not only on every live but on the same live right after they say that they can’t speak English other comments pop up asking the same shit.

YOU go learn Korean, YOU go make the effort, they already make enough effort to give you high quality content, to stay in touch with a much undeserving fandom, to keep this fandom satisfied, you name it, so why on earth are we trying to burden them even more? 

“Do this and that if *ship* is real”

No comment really.. It’s like the whole “blink if you’re being held hostage”, why the fuck would anyone with a sane mind think it’s okay to ask any member to do some type of sign to hint at a non-existent romantic relationship and to make it worse it’s sometimes about some very unrealistic pairings too, people they barely even interact with if not at all. Y’all go read some aus or something if that’s all you ever want from the boys. 

Members could be talking about something serious, something touching, and the comments are basically just not caring about any of that more focused on getting their fantasy fulfilled. You should know that if the boys want to hint at something they don’t need a comment asking them to do it, if they’re trying to be cryptic or hint at anything it’ll spontaneously come from them, the same way JK decided HIMSELF to hint at “Letter”, it was his own decision, what HE wanted and if they want to hint at a relationship believe me you won’t even need to bother asking, they’ll be dropping the hints themselves and it’s up to attentive Army to notice. 

~

I love how through years Jin, Joon, Yoongi and Tae have set some boundaries with Army, it’s like.. They’re already so fed up with all the toxicity and the entitlement, on the other hand our 3J are just way too fucking kind for this damn fandom, despite all the crappy things this fandom does they still manage to make time for us, manage to interact with us, manage to play a bit with us, jokingly flirt with us, heck Hobi gave us a whole boyfriend pov during his live and i don’t know if Army are actually dense or.. But do they really think it’s meant in a serious way? That JK being flirtatious some times means he wants to hook up with Army? That Jimin being kind enough to reply to silly questions makes him easy enough? Do they seriously not notice how they just genuinely want to make those interactions more fun but Army make everything regrettable.

Gosh i feel like i had much more shit to say about this but i’m already exhausted enough with long posts and my brain isn’t braining. Can this fandom get any shittier? 

[elderflowergin]

3 K-drama moments (January edition)

1. Kim Hae-sook expressing her rage at a young Japanese officer in full satoori and banmal in Gyeongseong Creature. Until this point she has been a capable right hand to Park Seo-joon, restrained, deadly efficient and completely unshakeable. But long-simmering fears and frustrations are boiling over everywhere in Gyeongseong and elsewhere, resulting in this atypical, shocking conversation with a junior officer who sympathises with them but cannot bridge the colonial gap. Language is so significant in this genre, and it’s so visceral when Kim Hae-sook openly vents to this man in her own language, in her own dialect.

Gyeongseong Creature is a pretty dark take on human experimentation, the last gasp of colonial horrors in a dying empire and the endurance of community. Park Seo-joon (and Han So-hee to a lesser extent) have to be the heroes; nonetheless the story understands that liberation is won not by strong-jawed men who talk pretty, but by community, by ordinary people doing extraordinary things together.

Kdrama has a wealth of supporting actors and it's no different here, with Jo Han-cheol, Kang Mal-geum, the aforementioned Kim Hae-sook, Claudia Kim and lovely, lovely Kim Yoon-woo in an affecting subplot (you might have seen him as Ryang Eum in My Dearest). Hate that Netflix made this one a cliffhanger, but they got me. Now, please give us a grown up romance with Jo Han-cheol in it. Our man's earned it.

2. Jung Jin-young’s vividly joyous sex life with his partner played by Yang Mal-bok in LTNS. The astonishing tenderness of their meeting, their love story and the joy he has brought to her arid, parched life are all so well-done that I had a lump in my throat throughout the episode.

This show took atypical love and affair stories, the sort we tend to mock or criticise - the plain girl sleeping with the married colleague, the fiftysomethings rediscovering their zest for life in each other’s bodies, the married lipstick lesbian who keeps coming back into her ex’s life - and offered so much kindness and love in the writing and the framing of those stories. @drivingsideways remarked that it was so different from anything Kdrama has given us, and that is completely correct.

Esom and Ahn Jae-hong were beyond excellent as a troubled couple that maybe shouldn't have married all those years ago - people who were maybe always a little too different, and then papered over their differences with the routines of matrimony. I suspect this was all too real to appeal to the general audience and I don't think this is going to be nomination-heavy. But it deserves to be.

3. Hwa-rok running from the handsome Officer Jeong in the brilliantly written The Matchmakers. The youngest sister in the famously unmarried trio of Namsan, Hwa-rok is a very relatable babe who really wants to get married! Get a husband! Have SEX! - and manifests this through her popular erotica series. The bond between Hwa-rok and the shy, upright officer whose first introduction to her is all the erotica she writes is one of the most adorable plots on this incredibly cute show.

I have several feelings about The Matchmakers, namely that it is the rare romance I respect despite the minimal chemistry between the leads. The writing was top-notch and the lead acting didn't quite live up to it - this is not a criticism of Cho Yi-hyun or Rowoon, but rather a testament to the sheer wealth of talent in Kdrama and how accustomed we've become to actors elevating material. Rowoon surprisingly grew on me in this, with his physicality and his looks somehow making Gyeongwoonjae indelible despite his iPhone-knowing face. I might do a separate post on this yet, but it was absolutely worth the watch, and all of you were right, especially @haraxvati who bravely advocated for Rowoon's talents.

[bluemooncove]

funny uppercase p with a line on it

Get random plot ideas (Relating back to some of your muses unless you specify otherwise)

(Actually this letters name is Er with tick. Fake letter fan here)

First off Ran I wanna say that I'm not sure if it's new or if I just don't remember the design but I really like the way you have laid out your muse list on it. This blog is only dedicated to one guild but I like how you not only manage to separate them by guilds but by parties :D Now onwards.

She has not appeared yet on this blog but I would actually like to see Mika paired up with Paladin. They are both Paladins and, on top of that, while Mika is from Heaven Paladin comes from the other place. I think that the two of them could make great foils and their opposing natures could serve as a way to explore what their holy oaths mean to them. Perhaps the two are entrusted with safekeeping a relic of Auri to a far off temple. Maybe they start out uncomfortable with each other but are waylaid by brigands and forced to work together.

Just a small additional note on this one but I also think given where they're from she and Abel could probably have an interesting conversation.

Okay this one may sound strange but I think could be fun: Mizu gets mistaken for a guild member and winds up dragged off for some guild activities. With everyone completely unaware that her protests about not being an adventurer are genuine and not some kind of high concept joke.

A thread set in the past featuring Sleuth and pre-adventurer Khloe. It'd have a bit of a cat and mouse plot where she's investigating some of the trail of chaos left in Khloe's wake while Khloe is continuing to attempt to fly under the radar. Maybe Khloe passes herself off as an adventurer and they wind up teaming up without Sleuth being aware of Khloe's true nature :O

Someway, somehow, Cocoa has wound up in Elbeth and in the position of a guild apprentice. She's paired with Sentinel and Dusk Witch for some kinda quest/training. It goes wrong and now they're stuck together making the long trek back to the guild hall.

Joon and Byakuren take a lovely vacation to a tropical fantasy world and have a fun filled adventure together!

[myechoecho]

Rewatching W: Two Worlds

Ep 12. I forgot how good this episode was. Well, they are all good but this one I really enjoyed - the first time and this time. This episode is PACKED.

I love how the ring was the one physical thing that connects them from the first story. It's how she bumps into him, it's how he remembers her and now it's what he gabs when they are first back to the real world.

She apologizes, but he only smiles because he knows how hard she tried to keep. Just like how he knows why she is worried when he asks to see her father. But he's learned from the comic and will not make the same choice. Even disregarding that, like I said before the reveal is completely different this time so it's not quite as shocking or traumatizing.

It's heartbreaking when she asks him not to go. It's even more heartbreaking when she asks if he remembers and has to tell her no. He's doing just what he thinks the comic Cheol would feel (which I don't think is 100% the truth). Since she hadn't changed, he's going to see what her fatal charm is.

Here's the thing. I'm pretty sure Cheol was 95% decided about Yeon Joo. He was already drawn to her and she's saved him. Even though he calls him the other Cheol, and doesn't fully get why he was in such a state to shoot Sung Moo, he has to recognize the himself in the comic book Cheol. Since he recognizes himself, he would have to trust the comic version's feelings but he still needs to see it in person to confirm.

Small shout out to Soo Bong. The poor man is forever in a state of terror and panic but he is also always comes through for Yeon Joo and Cheol.

Even though he's calmer, it still distresses Cheol to see all the W files and research. You can see him take a moment to pull himself together.

We get the confrontation between Cheol and real culprit. I had forgotten he had fully awakened first AND that Sung Moo promised to make him the main character. I'm not entirely convinced the reason for Cheol's hand disappearing makes complete sense but that is minor. Interesting that real culprit says he just has to wait for him to disappear, but his whole purpose was to kill and torment Cheol. Not sure he realizes that means he could disappear once Cheol is gone.

I love, love how Cheol asks to go on date with Yeon Joo. He wants to know her better and like I said, confirm that last 5%. I forgot how cheeky and flirty he was when he asked to see her naked like in the comic. However, he was truly touched when he saw the comic moments of them in her room. Again, it shows how he was always real to her.

He's willing to go slow. They did everything backwards, which he gets why, but now he wants to be a normal couple. I adore that he asked permission first and would have been totally okay. But she says yes, and with the kiss everything clicked in place 100%. Possibly before that but you can really see he understands the other Cheol.

The idea that the comic is only a connector and their two worlds co-exist separately is great. The only people the Sung Moo can really control are the ones he created for the comic. Conversely, I wonder if there is a comic from Cheol's world that is based in Yeon Joo's.

He gives her his plan and rejects the Sung Moo's ending. The ending he has chosen is staying with Yeon Joo. He does not care what the readers think. That is his happy ending.

Honestly, his plan was really good. And he's so smart that he realizes he can summon himself to and from the comic world. He ties everything up there -real culprit arrested, him "dead", So Hui has a new purpose (though we know that is going to be false). I squeal at the fact he asks her to draw the ring that he lost. He wants that connection with her.

He comes back, and is oddly competitive with his comic self. He's determined to be better for Yeon Joon this time. I think he really hates how she was hurt.

They are all smiles at the end and I know that won't last because we are diving headfirst into pure pain and misery till the end.

[stormblessed95]

I just wanna say how heartwarming it is to see people loving on their biases and working together to spread positivity in the name of their bias. I’m OT7 and my bias is Yoongi and I saw you mention in a post about a Jimin praise kink and I feel like I have a unique kinda kink where I seek out all the members’ individual fandoms and observe how they work to uplift their biases lol. I only do this to positive fanbases (no akgaes/other member antis). It’s like I’m watching a family discuss and organize what their doing to better their household (household meaning their bias). I dunno why I love doing this but I spend several minutes (or hours) a day perusing many of the members biggest fans. I like how PJM’s (and you and many Jikook blogs) are coming together to lift up Jimin and share streaming strategies and how to proceed for his album debut. I just came from lurking a KTH community and how they were discussing how to show Tae more love after people were hating on his insta follow. I watched how some KSJ’s where brainstorming ways to keep Jin’s presence alive to fill the void until he returns from enlistment. The MYG’s are thriving right now with Yoongi’s new brand endeavours (and his long hair haha). I really liked the conversations I heard from the KNJ’s about how they are proud of Joon for expressing himself well in his recent album and how proud they are of him speaking up when his private conversations were released by the press. JHS’s are always having a great time it seems supporting every new thing Hobi does and hyping up his solo career. The JJK’s are humouring me with the way their setting up their own cute little restaurant tours based on Jungkook’s. It’s not always rainbows and sunshines when I visit these little communities for each member because it always seems like they face a ‘challenge of the week’ but I admire the efforts of these fans to maturely discuss how to pull through as a team/fanbase. Of course I follow group related accounts who speak positively on BTS as a group but I just love visiting the individual stans to see what conversations they’re having and what ways they decide to support their biases. I literally have a Twitter list for each separate member (not so much for charts/voting/streaming) for kind/cute/funny accounts that like to discuss among themselves on the current status of their bias. It also enables me to be scarily updated on each members’ every move since their Stan’s get the newest info right away. I have almost found a community for each member on Tumblr too but it’s a bit harder on here since the anon asks sometimes brings negativity against other members which I don’t like. I dunno why I felt the need to share this with you Storm lol sorry if I’m cluttering your inbox. xo

This is nice, just a nice message about fandom to recieve instead of people just complaining. There are a lot of postives here too 🥰 also somewhat related.... people reacting to Yoongis music are some of my favorite to watch. So if anyone has good recs, let me know too!

Thanks anon!

[seokjinsonlyone]

what sides or communities of twitter or insta do u think the members would be on

jk would be on tiktok making charlie puth edits

yoongi would be on sports twitter probably secretly writes steph curry fanfic or something

jimin would be on black twitter he wouldn't post but he'd like a lot and get all the tea and then bring up the conversations irl

tae would have an old timey aesthetics page on ig as his main and then be like a zootopia enthusiast on a separate spam page bc he's a furry

joon would be on army twitter waxing poetics and putting hoes in they place he'd also have a separate personal page just for posting his travels but would main the army acct

hobi would have one of those ig pages where they make godzilla or the rats do the kpop dances and it'd crack him up each time and he'd show them to the members before posting every single time

jin would have one of them random ig pages where they got them stonks | conk creak babey | behold we hath the cheestick type memes like the ones that don't make a lick of sense (my favorites)

[gillianthecat]

I'm finally finishing the last 30 minutes of the final episode of So I Married the Anti-Fan

The abuse apologism has made if very hard to get through. I keep wanting to throw things through my computer screen. I want to ax-murder this show. Everyone is telling In Hyung, Jae Joon really loved you. He treated you that way out of love. Even she is like, oh I was just so selfish wanting to be a successful idol. I just didn't know how to love and be loved. 😡😡😡 I am going to hunt the writers down with my axe.

But. The way I've managed to make it through this final episode is to think of the whole thing as Hoo Joon's fantasy. Not that everything is perfect, but he's suffering in the way he feels like he deserves to suffer, to be cleansed. From the very first time we saw him, his main desire was to stop living this false identity, and with this exposure he's achieved it.

And so all these things that don't make sense to me I can kind of understand if I see them through the lens of how Hoo Joon wants to end that chapter of his life. The public outrage over what seems to me like a harmless lie - a story about his identity that merely protects his privacy, one that was more his manager's fault than his - seems extreme and unfair to me (even though it's probably not for celebrity culture in general and idol culture in South Korea in particular), but makes sense if I see it as the outward manifestation of his inner anger at himself about these lies. His buying back the company building for his old CEO, feels like a fantasy of returning to the way things were at the beginning, when his CEO took care of him, and revoking all the ways that his CEO used and abused him, because he simply doesn't want it to be true. Re-framing Jae Joon's abuse of In Hyung as "love" lessens his guilt about abandoning them as he got successful. If he/the show acknowledges it as abuse, then he really should feel guilty, but if it isn't, his not intervening in the abuse (actually bad) carries the same weight as his not leaving his agency for Jae Joon's start up company (not actually bad of Hoo Joon, it's not his responsibility to ensure the spoiled rich boy's success). And so he can feel "guilt" without having to do anything about it.

It's the fantasy of man who feels guilty for things he shouldn't (while not acknowledging many of the things he is), trying to make reparations for things he isn't responsible for, but it's a fantasy nonetheless.

Even leaving Guenyoung on her own, to clean up his mess, while he goes on some mysterious errand to fix things, is part of the fantasy of having his love wait for him unquestioning. I'm not saying it doesn't fit her character or their relationship for her to wait, and I know the final episode separation is a staple Kdrama trope, but it also does nicely fit his fantasy of how this all should play out.

But then we got out of the hospital and got to this absolutely adorable proposal scene between the two producers, and all is right in the world. It's just so 🥰🥰 They're just so 😍

And ok, this reunion scene with the bouquet toss at the wedding is also adorable and trope-tastic. It's been so many weeks since I've watched this that I'd forgotten how good their easy chemistry is. This show really is at it's best when they're together. (So why did they have to separate them for so long 😭)

Wait, did I miss some scenes? They're just back to living their life together, which is charming, and shows the maturity of their relationship, but I guess I was expecting some sort of conversation about where he'd been or how things had changed. And now he's walking the red carpet again, back to being a regular celebrity? What was all that angst about then?

I was all ready to be Hooray! In-hyung's dreams of being a singer are coming true! But then they had to go back with the abuse is love, actually uwu and she LITERALLY GAVE UP AN ALBUM DEAL BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT WITHOUT THAT ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT AND THE SHOW IS TRYING TO PRETEND THIS IS SWEET AND NOT FUCKING DISTURBING AND MAIM MAIM BITE BITE KILL KILL KILLLLLLLLLL

why is this show spending so much time trying to convince me that this abuse shit is romantic and not enough time with all the actually sweet couples?

what the fuck is going on? this episode makes no sense. this public marriage proposal is theoretically cute? but, i don't know, it doesn't feel very them, I guess. Like, I guess he's tired of the secrecy and wants to be openly public now? idk, the vibes are off. and then he just shoves the ring on her finger without waiting for her to say anything. and honestly they both look kind of miserable during this proposal, like they're both doing it at gun point. so weird.

Well. That happened. It didn't make much sense, but it happened. I don't know how much of it is that the abuse apologism poisoned my reaction to Hoo Joon and Geunyoung's story, or if it's a consequence of me taking so much time in between, but this episode felt pretty detached from their actual characters, and all that had come before. Like the show was just going through generic romance happy ending plot points to get them done with.

And there was no explanation of where he went off to or why? Did I miss a scene? Or even a throwaway line? I'd take anything at this point. So weird.

I don't know if I managed to articulate my thoughts about Hoo Joon and his (fantasy of) responsibility, but I do feel like this show raises some interesting questions around the idea of responsibility and celebrity. I wrote that section half way through the episode, so I was expecting it to be addressed at least a little more, but alas, this bunch of randomness happened instead.

The romance between the tv writer and the producer, Noh Do Yoon and Han Jae Won, were by far the best things about this episode. They were so cute!

[youremychaos]

HARROW!!!! Why must you always play with my feelings?! Once again I am here to yell and scream while reading this masterpiece! (it is a long one 🫢)

Well, damn. You wasted no time jumping into the foreshadowing and eerie edge to your words. I love the flowerworks mv so freaking much and putting that Namjoon at the start of this chapter does something drastic to my heart. MC…w-what are you doing, hun? Why is this addressed like a goodbye letter?!

This letter is filled with so much truth, all the things that were not impossible but hard to fully say out loud. MC knows herself, she has come to terms with her feelings and what they mean for everyone involved. I wish they could all be free without death but that’s a whole different issue. I read the letter twice over and it hurts. I have stood by MC and the other side for so long. I have watched them fall apart and be put back together only to be smashed to smaller, tinier pieces again and again. I was them all to be happy and if in this world, a part might just be the best way to achieve that. Namjoon and Yoongi have always had each other, it will hurt and they might fight or blame each other but they will figure it out. MC will figure it out as well…a chance to find herself without them is scary but much needed.

Jungkook…ugh, that’s a bucket load of feelings that I don’t even want to tap into. The two of them are so hot together but then I spiral ‘cause I think about Taehyung, Namjoon and Yoongi on top of Jungkook and my mind is so torn with everyone and everything. MC has strong relationships with five out of seven of the gang. If she leaves, her absence will be noticed and felt deeply.

I wonder if Namjoon and Yoongi’s conversation that they had without the mc will be hinted to or talked about in Yoongi’s pov? It seems like they had to have talked about something on the serious side for there to be such silence on Namjoon’s part. Most of the time, Joon is filling the space with soft words or looks. Is it possible that Jungkook said something? But I am not putting that high on the list because as much as he honors and respects Yoongi, MC’s trust is just as important. Jungkook is willing to let her go for a short while because he will come running if asked. In his mind, there is no need to worry ‘cause he is able to keep those two worlds separated in his heart. 

Ah, here comes the trouble…Yu….annnnd he hit the nail on the head with how MC’s relationship came about. I had it pinned down as stockholm-syndrome but as time went on, I looked at the feeling and saw that they were real. 

Okay, so now you got me thinking…what if Yoongi and Namjoon knew about Christian beforehand? They knew he was lurking around but didn’t say anything to MC about him. Him being at the restaurant and using the private room to me seems like it was planned. Yoongi set the meeting up to see what MC would do…that’s just how my mind is working. I could be wrong.

Fucking Seokjin! That man drives me insane…I want to punch him in his damn face. But good on MC for thinking that he was involved. I don’t know what Seokjin’s whole shit is but we are what? 22 chapters in and I do not trust that man at all. He is so two faced and if he were to be taken out, I would not be upset. He is so fucking shady and I really hope at the end of the day, everything he does is to keep his ‘family’ as safe as possible…though Jimin got hurt, so there’s  that. I just know this man is pulling so many strings and once Yoongi (if he ever does) finds out, shit will hit the fan twice over. 

It feels like everyone knows something is going on. Everyone is moving differently and things seem more meaningful. Taehyung’s words, Namjoon’s silence and Yoongi’s looks…this is the calm before the storm and I wonder what the aftermath will be. Seokjin implies that MC is holding Yoongi back and I want to know from what? I understand that Yoongi was a little more ruthless before she came around but is that a bad thing? I’m sure Yoongi can and will get the job done no matter what. Is that not good enough for Seokjin? What is his grand plan ‘cause it seems like he is the mastermind behind something huge.

Having Christian come along and Seokjin putting himself in the middle of the escape is a bold ass move. I’m not 100% sure that I believe Seokjin not having any involvement with Yu’s sudden appearance at Yoongi’s house but we shall see how that plays out. I don’t know how I feel about the ending and who is supposed to watch over MC…that’s a little iffy to me. But at the sametime I would think there isn’t any bad blood between them and Yoongi since everyone got what they pretty much wanted. 

I will say that if Seokjin doesn’t get his shit kicked in, I will jump into the story myself and rock his shit before I confess my love to Taehyung and run away! Harrow, this chapter was filled with so many emotions and it really felt like I was there with MC going through it too. I want mc to have peace of mind and I want her heart to be lighter. If she can have that without the guys, okay. I will support mc no matter what, as long as she is happy ‘cause let’s be real, that woman deserves to be fucking happy!!

Collateral 🗡️ 22: I just need a chance to breathe

Your ex-boyfriend gets in over his head working for the local mafia, and Boss Min has come to collect his payment: You.

But was it simply a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or has he always had his sights on you?

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🗡️ Yoongi x Female Reader x Namjoon, Jungkook x Female Reader

🗡️ word count: 15.9k

🗡️ mafia au, strangers to lovers, graphic violence, major character injury, poly, smut, angst, fluff, nsfw, explicit 21+ 

🗡️warnings: explicit smut (mention of sex & using a dildo; oral sex; ass eating; threesome; talk of anal & double-penetration but not actually doing it; multiple orgasms, cum eating) messy emotions (because, of course); fireworks used to scare characters (to simulate firearms and/or explosions); anxiety; mention of nightmares; the return of some familiar faces & introduction of new ones.

🗡️ a friendly reminder: if there is anything in the tags that may cause you emotional distress to read, please take care of your mental health and don't push yourself. as with any of my updates/warnings, if you would like to skip over a particular warning, please private message me and i can tell you where to begin and end skipping, as well as give you a rundown of what happens in that section.

🗡️note: wow. hello, friends. it's been a long time since i have come to you with a full chapter. are you ready??? did you know that i decided to turn mc's ex into an actually character??? hehehe. enjoyyy!!!

🗡️ beta read by @neoneunnajimin!

🗡️ posted on may, 2024 | read on ao3

My Namjoon,

I often dream of you lying in a field of wildflowers. Your body is sunken into green stems and purple petals, which blow gently in the breeze, creating a perfect you-shaped indent. You wear all white with your hands behind your head—relaxed and serene, without a care in the world. 

In my dream, time passes quickly, and the sun always falls, shrouding you in darkness while blotches cover your perfect white clothing and begin to turn deep, blood-red.

I wake up feeling suffocated. I wake up afraid.

My Yoongi,

Your blood is on my hands in my dreams and in the waking world. I know you do not blame me, but the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I hope one day I will be able to look you in the eye and not feel so ashamed. 

In your arms, I feel like a queen. I feel like I am on top of the entire world. Nobody has ever given that to me before, and nobody could ever come close. 

It is not the height that I fear so badly but the fall back to earth.

My men, 

The last few months have felt like a whirlwind…they have felt like a hundred years. I hardly remember the person I was before I stepped foot in the mansion. Worst of all, I hardly know the person I have become. 

Please don't blame yourselves for my need to break free. The two of you promised to give me the world, and I know with my whole heart that you meant it. You showed me more than once a taste of what that could feel like. 

But I fear I am not meant for this world. I fear that all of the joy and the money and the trips and the jewelry and the champagne and the drugs will only mask the fear and the anguish and the nightmares and the dread. My physical health and my mental health are deteriorating before all of our eyes, and I don't know what to do.

You told me that the only way out of this lifestyle is death, and I can't stick around and watch that happen. I know it makes me a coward. I know that leaving with my tail between my legs in order to protect myself will only cause the three of us pain, but I trust that the two of you will get through anything. 

I am not yet ready to say goodbye because I don't want this to be the last thing I say to you two. Maybe I just need a chance to breathe. 

Some day, if all the stars align just right, will you meet me under the aurora borealis?

♡ Your Sweetheart, Your Darling, Your Love

* * *

9 hours earlier.

You lay in a heap of black satin, sweat, and cum, struggling to catch your breath. From the other room, water runs and then stops, and footsteps approach, making you smile. 

"Thirsty?" Jeongguk asks.

All you can say in response is a broken hum. You are parched, but the idea of moving your body after what he just put it through feels impossible. 

Jeongguk chuckles, and the bed dips as he asks, "Like your gift that much, huh?"

The birthday present that Jeongguk was so unwilling to allow you to unwrap at your party is a purple, glittery silicone mold of his dick. And although nothing could beat the original, you tore out of your clothes the moment you saw it, eager to try it. 

"One day we'll anal train you so you can take both of my cocks at once," Jeongguk growled in your ear, holding you by the throat while your back bowed and he fucked you cross-eyed with the toy. 

This is not how you expected your day to go after waking up to a fainting spell and visiting Taehyung's basement hospital. After the way you spiraled in Jimin's coma bed, you have not been able to return home and face Yoongi and Namjoon. 

Nor have you been checking your phone. Everything just feels like too much, and if you are not able to drink or do drugs, then you need the next best thing. 

Luckily for you, Jeongguk is more than eager to supply you with all the orgasms you could ever ask for. 

Unfortunately, he is also eager to talk about shit and destroy this perfect distraction. 

"When are you going to head back home?" he asks, flopping down beside you and draping limbs over your body. Your sweat has begun to turn cold, and you roll toward him, seeking warmth.

"I don't know," you respond flatly. 

A tinge of sadness works its way into your lungs, causing you to choke. It is not as if you are doing anything behind anyone's back, but you still feel somewhat guilty. 

Earlier, while at Taehyung's house, Jeongguk asked his hyungs if they wouldn't mind you swinging by his place to open your gift, and based on their grins and winks, they not only knew what it was, but they expected you to want to play. 

Yoongi saying, "Have fun, you two," with a playful little smirk sealed the deal. 

You do not feel guilty for lying in Jeongguk's bed all fucked out and exhausted. Rather, you feel a preemptive guilt for all the things left unsaid, and all there is yet to do. 

Jeongguk sighs and repositions so that his arms are around you, laying on his side and pulling you into him. You close your eyes and let out a deep exhale, and in the silence between breaths, you make a choice. 

"I guess I should go," you mutter. 

Jeongguk grumbles and hugs tighter, and you allow yourself to be held a few moments longer. You really are going to miss this. 

The urge to cry sneaks up, and you take a deep breath and hold it, then begin to wiggle from Jeongguk's arms. There is absolutely no way you are going to allow him to see you cry again. 

Only you cannot help it. You think about Jimin lying in a coma and how you whispered your goodbyes with a kiss to his cheek. 

You think about leaving Jeongguk here in his bed without granting him a proper goodbye. Would it be rude to take the toy cock with you as a souvenir? There is no way you are not going to.

As you detangle your limbs and sit up, tears fall. You tremble and attempt to breathe through it, but Jeongguk is sitting up in a flash, tilting his head to get a look at your face.

"Stop," you warn, holding your hand up as if to block whatever he might say.

"Stop what?" he asks with a concerned tone.

"Don't call attention to it. I don't want to talk about it."

"Doll—"

You sigh and shake your head. "Please. Please don't make me explain myself."

Silence hangs, then he asks, "Are you alright?"

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. 

"No."

"What do you need?"

You shrug. "Taehyung says I need a vacation, so I think I am going to take one."

"And that's why you're crying?"

Although Jeongguk's tone is sympathetic, you fight the urge to smack him. 

"I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings, okay? Is that okay?" 

You do not mean to snap, and you even attempt to chuckle through your words. But your tears must make your conviction seem as weak as it feels because Jeongguk simply watches you with a frown.

"It sucks to admit that I can't handle this," you mutter, worried you may have said too much but finding it impossible to keep everything bottled up.

"So, then…what if a vacation isn't enough?" Jeongguk asks.

You wish he wouldn't ask that. Why is Jeongguk, of all fucking people, so in tune with what you are thinking?

You shrug once more. "Then I guess I have to think of a new plan."

Jeongguk hums and wraps his arms around you, resting his chin on your shoulder.

"Where will you go?"

Where will you go? Over and over, you have asked yourself this question. But you really have no idea. Wherever Seokjin can send you, you suppose.

"Not sure."

"Alright, well," Jeongguk sighs, "I'll be sure to find you. Wherever you end up…I'll show up."

This makes you chuckle. It is a nice gesture, but it also feels foolish. Jeongguk is not in the position to make such lofty promises, nor would you ever dream of him asking to.

"Jeongguk, what are you talking about?"

"I mean it," he responds, matter-of-factly. "I will find you. You can't just get rid of me, even if you leave the rest of the family behind. I need to be sure that you are okay."

What he says is sweet, but it is too much. You groan and begin to shrug-wiggle out of Jeongguk's hold, then scoot along the bed until you reach the edge and slide off. Your feet hit a soft rug, and you wander around finding your clothing articles, which have been tossed onto the chairs and floor. 

"It's nice of you to say that," you respond, glancing over your shoulder.

Jeongguk sits naked with his legs pretzeled and his back slumped forward, eyes on you with a slight frown tugging his pretty lips. You feel the urge to tip-toe over and kiss the expression from his face, but you hold back, getting dressed instead. 

"Yoongi-hyung won't take it very well if you leave for good," Jeongguk mutters. 

This is not a conversation you want to have, and you take a steady breath before standing straight, doing your best to lie as you say, "I'll try not to leave for good."

* * *

As you walk past Seokjin's mansion, you feel the urge to take a detour and knock on his door. If he weren't such a busy man who likely will not be home at this hour, you would. But instead, you continue toward the mansion.

It is the early evening, but already the sun is setting and you do not want to make your way back in the dark, safe as these paths may be. And you do not want to explain why you are being escorted home by Seokjin, should you find him at his doorstep and talk until it is dark enough that you feel the urge to ask for company. 

The tall trees and shrub walls create deep shadows that appear somewhat menacing in the glow of the property security lights, and it is fucking creepy. Even with the sun still providing hints of light, you grip tightly to the satin ribbon straps of your gift bag and shiver your shoulders up to your ears.

With each step, the leaves and gravel are louder and crunchier than usual. It feels like a mockery the way each sound causes your hair to stand on edge. Especially as you approach your home and realize you have never been granted access to enter on your own. Hard to sneak in when you need to ask permission.

You sigh and pull out your phone, relieved to see that there are no missed calls or texts, and you thumb around to find Yoongi's contact. He picks up on the second ring.

"Hello, darling."

Yoongi's voice is bright and chipper, which is a relief.

"Hey. I'm heading back, and I need to be let inside."

Yoongi chuckles and inhales sharply, then he says, in a voice that is strained in the way a voice gets when someone is talking while holding in their breath, "We're actually outside smoking." He exhales, then adds, "See you in a bit?"

"Oh," you mutter. Now that he mentions it, you do smell the distinct stench of weed, and as you come out of the clearing, you can vaguely make out the shapes of Yoongi and Namjoon standing on the stoop. You smile and say, "Right now, actually."

Yoongi hums, then looks from where he and Namjoon stand in front of the door, to you. Without ending the call, you slide your phone into the pocket of your hoodie—the oversized black one that Jeongguk let you borrow several days ago that you have decided never to return. You smile, feeling a bit of a pep in your step, which falters once you remember what you must do. 

"Darling!" Yoongi calls, holding his arms wide. "Perfect timing. Namjoon and I were craving sushi. Come along?"

Both men wear their standard black uniform, and Yoongi has a black jacket on, as well. Namjoon takes a hit from a joint that is so small, he has to hold it with the very tips of his finger and thumb. As he tilts his head upward and exhales a plume of smoke, Yoongi begins to walk toward you in slow, measured steps. 

"Do I need to change clothes?" you ask because as much as you are hungry, you really do not want to put on a dress. 

Yoongi shrugs, eyes up your stolen hoodie and tight black leggings and shrugs. "If you are comfortable this way, that is fine with me."

You actually expected to have to plead your case, and you are surprised by how amiable Yoongi is. Perhaps he is too hungry to wait for you to change. Or he is starting to calm down about how the public perceives you. 

"Alright," you say, gripping onto the handle of your gift bag. 

Namjoon takes one more hit from the joint and mutters something difficult to hear—you think he asks Yoongi if he wants more of the weed. Yoongi turns to Namjoon and shakes his head, and Namjoon flicks it into the driveway without asking if you want any. You would have said no, anyway.

"Shall we, then?" Yoongi asks, and you nod. 

Namjoon takes a few steps toward Yoongi and kisses him on the side of the head, causing Yoongi to chuckle and turn to Namjoon to press their lips together. Then they speak about something you cannot hear, and Namjoon turns to go into the mansion. 

"He wants to drive your car," Yoongi informs you with a smile. 

The drive into the city is smooth. Namjoon is quiet most of the time, but Yoongi seems to speak at him about this and that—you aren’t really sure. His voice is just hushed enough that it is hard to make out over the soft radio, and you do not strain to listen, enjoying the backseat all to yourself. 

Namjoon drives to a restaurant the three of you have been to before and hands the keys over to the valet attendant. Inside, the hostess bows, then frowns. 

“Oh, mister Min,” she says, glancing around worried. “The private room is occupied at the moment.”

When you turn to Yoongi, there is a hint of a frown on his face, and he squints slightly at the woman. “Occupied?”

The woman nods and drops her gaze down to the wooden hostess podium. 

“My private room is occupied? Interesting.”

The woman looks afraid, eyes scanning around uselessly. She opens her mouth and fumbles around, “I could—we could remove them—I could ask them—“

“A corner booth is fine,” Yoongi says sternly, glancing around the lively, open space. “No windows, please. With a view of the front door.”

“Yes, sir,” The hostess responds, grabbing three menu books with shaking hands. “Right this way, sir.”

“Who has my room?” Yoongi asks before the woman steps away from her podium. 

It is clear that she would ordinarily not give out this kind of information, and she stammers once more, saying, “Y-Yu, sir.”

“Yu?” Yoongi asks, cocking his head. He looks from Namjoon to you, and Namjoon shrugs. 

You only know one person with the name Yu, and it is hard to imagine him dining at a place like this, much less in a room Yoongi keeps on reserve. The last time you saw him, Yoongi had him on his knees at the Han River with a switchblade to his throat. What business would he have here?

The hostess leads the three of you through the restaurant, to a booth in the far corner. Several people look up, and you can hear murmuring as you walk past. You wish you had changed into something a little nicer than a hoodie and leggings, but hold your chin up and follow along. 

The restaurant is just dimly lit enough to feel cozy, but the gold sconces and expensive crystal décor give its opulence away. You can tell this is one of Yoongi's restaurants because the design style is a bit mismatched from what you would expect anywhere else—an amalgamation of comfort and wealth. 

The booth you approach is a horseshoe with a red fabric seat that wraps around a dark wood circular table. Yoongi motions for you to sit first, and you do so, sliding in toward the middle. 

Then he joins you, scooting close and draping his arm over the seat back behind you. Namjoon sits on the other side but keeps some distance, much to your chagrin. 

You understand why Namjoon is distant in public, but you wish it did not have to be this way. It is so nice when the three of you can openly be affectionate. And especially considering this may be the last time the three of you dine…at least, for a while…

Under the table, Yoongi grabs onto your left hand and pulls it onto his lap, pushing his hand into your sweater paw. You glance over the menu, not really paying attention until you feel cold metal on your ring finger and your sleeve getting shoved up to your wrist. 

"You brought it with you?" you tease, glancing at your hand in Yoongi's lap and the giant engagement ring that it sports.

"Just in case," he says, looking at his own menu and rubbing your palm with his thumb. 

It occurs to you that once you do leave, news will undoubtedly spread. Although it may be reasonable to say you are on vacation, how long will that excuse be believable? What will the public whisper about once you are gone for a long time? Especially after Yoongi threw such an extravagant, public birthday party for you, it is hard to imagine the voices won't whisper far and wide. 

Guilt and worry cannot stop you from going through with your plan, and you tell yourself this over and over. No matter how fondly you may feel for these men, you need to stay strong for yourself.

When a server comes by to take everyone's order, you keep your head down. Yoongi and Namjoon confer over items they seem to always get, and you nod along in agreement. 

"Darling?" Yoongi asks when the server leaves, lightly gripping your right thigh and giving it a squeeze. "Something the matter?"

With a shrug, you shake your head and attempt to smile. "I'm just tired, I guess. And stressed about the whole fainting thing."

"Ah, yes," Yoongi responds, thumb rubbing firm circles just above your knee. "Perhaps I should have only ordered one bottle of sake."

"I would like to have a little," you pout. 

Yoongi leans close and presses a kiss against your temple. Instinctively, you close your eyes. 

"As long as you drink more water than alcohol, I will not try to stop you."

Namjoon cuts through the moment, asking, "Did the hostess say someone named Yu was in our room?"

Yoongi sits up tall, looking over you to hum in agreement.

You turn to find Namjoon seated with his arms slung over the back of the booth, somewhat relaxed despite the worried look on his face. He locks eyes with you and asks, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

You are, but there is no plausible way it could be him. Still, you nod. 

"What would he be doing in our room?" he asks. 

Yoongi chuckles. "Yu is not that uncommon of a name."

"He would have had to have convinced the hostess that he knows you," Namjoon says, staring ahead at the table. "Is there anyone on any of our teams who would know to do that?"

"I am certain that there are plenty of people with that name who run drugs or work security," Yoongi responds, sounding bored. "Or who works at one of the hotels, a casino, one of my restaurants. Hell, they might even work at this restaurant. It is not uncommon for people to use my name. Rarely have I managed to catch someone in the act, but I am certain that it must happen all the time."

"I'm surprised you didn't march back there to see who it is," Namjoon somewhat mutters, sending you a wink when you smile at him. 

Yoongi sighs. "I suppose I lack the energy."

Namjoon hums, and you wish Yoongi would elaborate, but you surmise that it may be for the best that he does not. You do worry that perhaps he can sense something is off with your behavior—beyond tiredness and general worry—which, in turn, is worrying him. But the Yoongi you know would come right out and discuss any pressing matters with you, so you brush the thought away.

A server brings two bottles of sake and three tall glasses of water. You reach for a glass of water while Yoongi gets to pouring sake. 

You are shocked that appetizers and entrees are already brought out. Small plates of dumplings, sashimi, and sushi slowly fill the table. And although you have barely eaten all day, you only nibble on a savory pan-fried dumpling while the men eat around you. 

You cannot help but dwell on what Namjoon was saying moments ago, and you are surprised Yoongi is so dismissive of the notion. Your ex has the last name Yu. And if there is anyone on this peninsula who may have a bone to pick with Yoongi, he is likely high on that list. 

That is, if he actually felt some type of way about losing you, which you are not entirely sure could be the case. Things between the two of you had not been great for months—even years—leading up to Yoongi collecting you from him as collateral. 

But there was often talk of reconnecting and building a future together. And although you more or less ignored his ideas, disinterested in the thought of building anything with him, he seemed pretty serious. Could he have continued to love you when the two of you parted?

Although your appetite is subdued by anxiety, you do your best to eat, slowly chewing on a piece of sushi and sipping on sake. Yoongi and Namjoon discuss an upcoming meeting with Seokjin, and you stare at the off-white tablecloth and attempt to gather your thoughts. 

You are reminded of your need to meet with Seokjin. But when would be a good time? How soon would you be able to get out of the mansion?

Each time you reach with your left hand and the diamond glitters in the overhead light, you feel a tinge of sadness. It nearly makes you want to reconsider, but you remind yourself that even if, by some miracle, you and Yoongi and Namjoon are meant to make any of this work out, it needs to be on your terms, after you have had a chance to breathe. 

You consider all the places Seokjin might send you. After all, Busan seems like too much of a gamble. Yoongi and the girls managed to reach an agreement of sorts—but what if sending you there starts an all-out war?

And if your ex truly is suddenly back in the picture—

"Well, well," a man's voice cuts through the conversation between Yoongi and Namjoon and interrupts your thoughts. "What have we here?"

The familiarity of this voice causes an icy chill to cover you. Somehow simultaneously bright and deep, with an accented lilt—it is a voice you heard for years. Still, your mind struggles to reconcile the situation, despite already conspiring over the thought that he might be here tonight. 

Your eyes trail up, confirming that the man standing before the table is, indeed, your ex. Christian looks…different. To put it lightly.

The last time you saw him, his style was kind of basic and not very exciting. He liked light-colored button-ups and ripped jeans, sneakers, and simple, casual clothing, sticking mainly to earth tones. And his dark hair was always trimmed and styled neatly.

But now Christian stands before you with his hair grown, falling over his eyes. He has black eyeshadow covering the entire lid and under each eye, with hints of red glowing from the edges, all smudged together like messy bruises. Little black crosses are drawn on his cheeks, and his lips are blotted with dark, messy red. 

A red button-up shirt and black tie accentuate a black suit with silver pinstripes. The knot of his tie is encased in a gold cover with stars on the front and spikes coming from the sides, and his hands are in black mesh gloves. 

Most curious of all, he is not cowering and afraid. He stands tall and assured, like a completely different person. 

Behind him are four men, all around his height, wearing crisp black suits with white button-up shirts underneath. Covering their heads are black balaclavas that show only their eyes and lips, and their hands are clad in black leather.

"Ah, I see the circus is in town," Yoongi chides with a snarl, sitting up tall. 

Nervous, you look between Yoongi and Namjoon, then back at Christian, who glares down at you with a smirk. 

"Fellas," Christian says, looking at Namjoon before rolling his eyes to glance at Yoongi. "I could not have planned this better if I tried. What are the odds?"

"And was that you in my private room?" Yoongi asks.

Christian's smirk widens into a grin.  

Yoongi sighs, then scoots forward, pushing the plates of food that rest just in front of him to the side. He sits up even higher and plants his elbows on the table, waving his hands slowly as he speaks. "You can see that we are busy, so please just tell me what you want."

Christian's eyes drop to the table as he turns to one of the men behind him and grabs onto a black briefcase. Fear spikes as you imagine a number of terrible things that could happen while he sets it on the edge of the table and opens it. You even notice from the corner of your eye as Namjoon's hand begins to reach behind his back to where you assume he has a handgun stashed. 

But when Christian spins the case, it contains stacks of notes, neatly organized in rows and columns with colorful rubber bands. His eyes lift to you, and he smiles for a split moment. 

Then he says, "I've come to pay off my debt," and his face turns stone-cold serious. 

At this, you scoff. To your right, Yoongi begins to laugh, and to your left, Namjoon scoots forward, sitting up straight. Christian hardly blinks. 

"It's all there," Christian drawls slowly, staring daggers into Yoongi. "I even added some interest."

You turn to Yoongi in time to see him roll his eyes. His hair is tucked behind his ears, and his glare is just as piercing as that of his adversary. 

"You did not really think she would just go back to you, did you?" he asks. 

"You don't really think I'm asking, do you?" Christian responds.

At this, you click your tongue against your teeth. "Excuse me?"

Christian leans with his fists against the table, somewhat leveling his eyes with yours despite looming much taller. "I know these thugs likely gaslit you into thinking that their exorbitant amounts of money were a replacement for love. I bet they stockholm-syndrome'd you real good after kidnapping you last spring. But with therapy and different lifestyle choices, you can return to the woman you were before all of that happened to you."

This infuriates you. For one thing, how dare this man show up out of nowhere and so grossly define a relationship that has grown over months and become something that has made you actually believe in love. 

For another thing, how fucking dare he not be entirely wrong. 

It occurs to you that this could be your way out. But going back into Christian's arms does not feel like the correct choice. You were unhappy in that relationship and coasting along before Yoongi and his men swept you away, so to speak. 

Sure, you allowed him to take you out to nice restaurants and buy every little designer thing the two of you desired. But that just makes that relationship as loveless and empty as he is trying to accuse your current relationship of being. 

Not to mention, this man who stands before you is not your ex-boyfriend, as you knew him. He looks and carries himself in a way that is almost unrecognizable.

"Don't you fucking dare," you say almost under your breath. 

Christian does not break eye contact, and you hate the way sadness yanks at his expression in a soft, familiar way. 

"Come on, baby," he pleads. "You don't have to pretend to be happy anymore. I saw how uncomfortable you looked at your birthday party. And when you disappeared for a long time and came back all pale and zoned out…something was clearly wrong. We can get you the help you need."

Anxiety and frustration spikes. You almost feel ashamed when you ask, "You were there?"

It is eerie the way Christian regards you so calmly. Gone is the nervous man who dragged you along hotel hallways trying to escape. However, the way he looks at you has only changed into something sweeter. It is as if he truly has continued to love you in your absence. 

"Look, whatever you've been through," Christian continues, eyebrows knit and pleading, "you don't have to tell me. I won't ask questions. Let me just…get you out of here. Please."

Yoongi sighs and drops his chin onto his hands. When you turn to him, you watch him shrug, lift a brow to you, and say, "You know that you are free to go if that is the life you want. Nobody is shackling you here."

And although you understand what Yoongi is doing—although you want more than anything to run far away—the way in which Yoongi appears so bored and unconcerned only causes your anger to grow.

Your jaw twitches to the side, and you run the tip of your tongue between your teeth, feeling every groove of bone. This should be an easy choice, but you feel paralyzed by indecision.

With a sigh, you blink Christian into focus. He looks so hopeful, it nearly tugs at your heartstrings. Nearly.

"You can see that we are eating, Christian," you insist. "Please don't force us to call security."

Christian scoffs and stands up straight. The men behind him are stiff as boards. 

"You're causing a scene," you continue, voice flat and insincere. "I don't like to think that the other guests are uncomfortable with this display. We can discuss this in a more private setting."

Something like hope flashes in Christian's eyes, and you hate the way it makes your tummy swoop. His mesh-gloved hands fidget before he shoves them into the pockets of his pinstripe slacks. 

"Can I have your number?" he asks, voice lilted with excitement.

Your voice remains flat. "No. I can find you."

With a confused twitch of his features, Christian mutters, "B-but…how?"

"Make it easy for me," you respond with a shrug.

After all, you know Christian's name, what usernames he has used online, and so many other intimate details. If you really did want to find him, you easily could.

"Alright," Christian says, nodding. He takes a step back, causing the small group of men to do the same.

"Take the money," you say, watching him intently, unwilling to break eye contact in a show of dominance. "We'll settle this matter privately."

Christian nods, reaches for the briefcase, and snaps the clasps closed. "I hope to hear from you soon," he says, gaze lingering before he turns to walk off.

As you watch the small group of men clad in all black disappear through the front entrance of the restaurant, your mind struggles to comprehend anything that has just occurred. 

What are the odds that Christian just so happened to be at this restaurant? There is no way it could be a coincidence. 

A warm hand rubs over the small of your back, and you flinch, muttering, "Fuck," under your breath. Namjoon sits forward and continues to eat, and with one hand caressing you, Yoongi does the same. 

"My appetite is ruined," you state plainly, eyes on the front door. You half expect your ex to come walking back in to continue to plead for you to leave with him. 

Yoongi hums and Namjoon is silent, save for chewing. You feel like you are going insane.

How is it that Christian has managed to keep tabs on you? What was he doing at your birthday party? You rack your mind trying to place him there—could you have run into him? Would you have known? What if he was one of the gold-clad workers hiding in plain sight, watching your every move? 

What if he has been lurking even longer, watching you at Paradise? At House of Cards? How much has he seen?

"I'm shocked he managed to come up with the cash," Namjoon finally mutters as he fills everyone's glass with sake.

Without waiting for the others, you pick up your small glass and shoot the liquid back. Then you set the glass down, reach for your water, and take a nice big gulp. The water is cold and you feel it work its way down into your body, causing a chill to run along your spine. 

"Should have castrated him like I promised," Yoongi jokes dryly. 

Your stomach churns, made worse by how nobody seems all that concerned about how you must be feeling. Neither of them brings up the fact that you promised to look him up, even as a means to pick on you.

"How did he get into my party?" you ask, voice as flat as it had been before. 

"Maybe he's managed to weasel his way back onto one of the teams," Namjoon responds with a full mouth.

"Would have had to have been after Jeongguk stepped down," Yoongi adds. "Unless he has one of the hospitality positions."

"Maybe he works at the hotel," Namjoon says.

You sigh, fed up with this conversation. 

"Did you not keep tabs on him?" you ask, turning to Yoongi with an accusatory glare. If this is anyone's fault, it has to be his. 

Yoongi blinks, then shrugs. "People go off the map all the time. He could have changed his name, for all we know. Maybe he uses a Korean name to get work."

You hum and sit back, slouched uncomfortably against the booth. Yoongi removes his hand from your back and continues to eat, using his newly free hand to lift his small glass of sake to his lips.

There is a chance Christian goes by the name Barom. It is a name only his mother calls him on occasion, but you would not put it past him to use it on identification cards, especially as a means to slip under the radar. 

That could explain his disappearing act, if there ever was one. But Yoongi's team should have noticed. Or, perhaps, Seokjin already has. In fact, you become convinced that Seokjin must know something. It is the only circumstance that makes sense. 

Seokjin must have overheard Yoongi and Namjoon discussing coming here tonight and he tipped Christian off. Maybe he thinks this is a good way for you to make a break for it. Maybe it is all a setup and Christian no longer wants anything to do with you but he is playing some part you do not fully understand.

But if that is the case, why wouldn't Seokjin tell you? 

You sit in silence for the rest of the meal, refusing more food and drink with a wave of your hand and a shake of your head. Namjoon goes ahead to retrieve your car from the valet attendant, and Yoongi pulls the hostess aside to inquire more about Christian's appearance while you stand near the front door, scowling out into the evening. 

The moment Namjoon slips behind the wheel of your car, you shove the restaurant door open and stomp up to the back door with a huff, opting not to respond when Namjoon looks back at you in the rearview mirror and asks, "Do you want to talk about anything?"

Yoongi gets into the passenger seat, mutters, "She was just as stumped as we were," and with that, the three of you are off. 

You pull your phone from your pocket and open instagram, type the username ChristianYu, and turn up with nothing. After a pause, you consider he may be using his Korean name, so you search for BaromYu and find him. Although he has not posted a lot since the last time you visited his account months and months ago, all of his posts show a transition from the man you knew to the man you met today. 

In his photos, he is shirtless more often than not, showing off his many new tattoos and accessories. And in the comments, people fawn over him, writing embarrassingly lewd confessions and using a lot of tongue and water drop emoji. 

Nothing hints at what he could be doing for work, but his follower count has exploded—he is quite the popular man. He never posts his location, nor does he make vague references to any kind of job in any of his posts or responses, and nobody seems to care about much but his face and body.

The only thing that may pass as a hint of any sort is the fact that some commenters call him Mister Insanity. But what that could possibly mean, you have no idea. He did seem to have a small group of goons, but it is hard to imagine him as the leader of anything. 

Namjoon pulls into the driveway, and you turn off your phone screen. You are not going to rest until you speak to Seokjin, and you hope that he is home at this hour. 

You grab the gift bag that has Jeongguk's dick dildo in it from where it had been left behind the passenger seat, and then get out of the car, shoving the bag into Yoongi's hands. 

"Take this inside," you say, turning toward the dark path that connects the properties. "I need to talk to Seokjin."

"Seokjin?" Yoongi asks. "He might not be free at this hour."

"I'll go find out," you insist, turning away before Yoongi or Namjoon can stop you. To your surprise, neither of them tries to follow behind. 

Once you are on the path that leads between driveways, you unlock your phone and search for a name you have never called before, and then you call him. It rings and rings, taunting you with its robotic tone before going to voicemail. This is Seokjin. Leave a message. You hang up.

Each footfall stomps harder than the last as you march on, feeling small amongst the tall shadows. The cooling night air sends a chill through you—all the more reason to walk even faster. 

There is a light on in one of the second-floor windows, and you storm up to the front door and press frantically on the doorbell. Of course, the door is reinforced enough that even if someone were to be running to the door on the other side, you would have no way of hearing it. 

However, you do not take Seokjin for being the type to run. 

Still, you feel impatient, and you take to pounding your fist against the door, feeling the impact of armored wood against the side of your hand, hard and visceral—stinging. When the door finally flies open, you pay no mind to the gun pointed at your forehead, fist still in the air. 

Seokjin stands shirtless in a pair of black silk pants, and the moment he recognizes you, he sighs and drops the gun to his side, muttering, "Good fucking god."

"We need to talk," you insist, stepping through the threshold despite not being invited to do so.

"I was in the middle of something," Seokjin says, stepping aside. 

You kick out of your shoes as he closes the door calmly behind you, and you allow yourself a brief moment to take in his appearance—hair disheveled, body covered in sweat. Seokjin turns and lifts a hand, silently encouraging you to enter further into the home, and you notice scratch marks along his arms and a sliver of his back—deep pink and raised. 

"So you were," you respond. 

Seokjin sighs and walks toward his staircase, showing off even more long, deep scratch marks. "Give me a moment; I need to tend to something. Help yourself to a drink if you would like."

You walk through the living room and turn the corner to the conjoined dining area and kitchen. Seokjin and Hoseok keep a tidy home, and you marvel at the rich woods and antique furnishings. Their refrigerator is a massive black appliance, and you pull the rightmost door open and notice a healthy store of plastic food containers, fresh fruits and vegetables, and bottles of soju.

Helping yourself to a bottle of clear, unflavored soju, you close the fridge door and crack the lid open, forgoing a glass. One sip is cold enough to send a shiver through you, and you gulp more, eager to calm your nerves before remembering once more that Taehyung has advised you against drinking. 

Footsteps retreat down the stairs, and you find Seokjin pulling a black t-shirt over his head. Seeing him dressed down is somewhat surprising, and although you were too on edge to take note of his broad, muscular build moments ago, you notice him now. 

The suits and dress shirts Seokjin wears cover a lot. Although he is leaner than Namjoon, his arms are defined, flexing as he adjusts his garment and reaches into his silk pants pocket to pull out his phone. 

"Is this about Barom?" Seokjin asks, fixing you with a gaze that gives away absolutely nothing. 

You take another gulp of soju, then let both arms hang at your sides, limp and defeated. "So you did put him up to it?"

"Oh?" Seokjin asks, raising an eyebrow. "You mean to say you detected my involvement?"

"I had a hunch," you mutter, frustrated.

"I knew you were smart enough to catch on," Seokjin says as he crosses his arms over his chest, shoulders and biceps flexing. He watches you with just as blank of an expression, not giving you a chance to respond before saying, "He works for me now."

You wish you were surprised. "Doing what?"

Seokjin cracks a smirk. "Whatever I need him to."

You sigh and take another drink of the soju, letting it settle on your tongue. When Seokjin gives you no further information, you raise your own fucking eyebrows—two can play at this game. 

"Seokjin, why did my ex show up to dinner with a briefcase of cash offering to buy my freedom?"

"Did he?" Seokjin asks, voice elated and surprised. 

You roll your eyes. "I know you put him up to it. Drop the act."

"You are far more clever than any of these men give you credit for," Seokjin says. "But not me. I never doubted you."

You sigh, feeling impatient. "Seokjin—"

"Did seeing your ex make you want to run away?" Seokjin asks. 

You hate to admit that the answer is yes, and you hum and nod just once. 

"So?" he asks. "Will you?"

"Taehyung says I need a vacation," you respond stubbornly. 

"Well, have you begun to pack a bag? I hear Busan is very chilly this time of year, so you will want to be sure to include some heavy clothes."

"No," you mutter. "I have been busy tending to other matters." Seokjin's mouth opens and he gives you a curious gaze, but you cut him off, adding, "And Yoongi is so on edge, I'm not sure leaving right now would be wise."

Seokjin hums. "I think he's especially on edge today because he proposed to you last night and you had a panic attack."

His flat, matter-of-fact tone makes you laugh. It rocks through your chest before you can stop yourself, and you shake your head, allowing the laughter to fall. 

"What does he fucking expect?" you mutter. "He knows how miserable I am in his mansion. How was I supposed to react to a proposal? If he has any concern about the way I feel, he should not have done something like that."

"Yes, I agree," Seokjin responds as he approaches and reaches for the bottle of soju. You lift your arm to hand it to him. 

The cap is still cradled in your opposite hand, and you turn and find an antique side table made from some dark, polished wood to set it down onto. When you return to face Seokjin, he holds the bottle toward you, which you take. 

"Yoongi took the more recent attacks much more personally than usual," he says with a sigh. 

You lift the bottle to your lips, mutter, "Go on," and take a drink. 

"He doesn't care for the way the girls acted, and the harm that their attacks have caused seems to have pushed him over the edge. Ordinarily, Yoongi would have sent a swarm of men to apprehend or even kill them for what they have done, but I have a feeling he held back because you are here, now."

"I'm holding him back?" you ask, feeling a misplaced tinge of guilt. After all, why should you care? 

Finally, Seokjin cracks just a hint of a smile, and you hate the way it makes you feel. You know that he knows far more than he says. 

"Or, perhaps I'm misreading the situation," Seokjin responds, smile growing. "I was simply picking your brain…friendly banter about what I assume you think is going on, and nothing more."

Unbelievable.

"Okay," you respond, voice trembling from frustration. "Then what is going on?"

"Yoongi gifted Serendipity to Ryujin's little hoard of women, as a peace offering to get them to back off. You are aware of this, yes?"

You stare blankly at Seokjin and take in his words, then mutter, "Yes."

"Seems Ryujin needed someone to help her look after the place, so I set her up with some men. Barom being one of them. I had plans to send him to another port city to work at my newest casino, but he really thrives in the club atmosphere. You should see him—under the right conditions, he can be a very loyal, hard worker." Seokjin says.

You heavy-blink, taking everything in.

Seokjin continues. "Listen, I would have warned you about his appearance, but I felt like your response to seeing him should be genuine. Yoongi may be distracted these days, but if your reaction was in any way staged, Namjoon would have caught on in an instant."

Although it makes sense, it does nothing to assuage your frustration. With a sigh, you mutter, "Figures."

"Pack a bag sooner than later," Seokjin says through a sigh of his own. "Text me when you are ready, and I will do my best to come quickly, but if I happen to be in the middle of a task, you will need to exhibit a little more…" Seokjin lifts his eyebrows, cracking a smile, "...patience."

You roll your eyes and nod, accepting his terms. Seokjin reaches for the bottle, and you hand it over, muttering, "You can finish it."

"Need me to walk you back?" Seokjin offers.

As much as you would like to have some company, you shake your head. "Thanks, anyway."

You feel somewhat dazed as you make your way back to the door and slip into your sneakers. Seokjin having a hand in Christian's presence leaves a sour taste in your mouth, despite you expecting it to be the case, and you wonder how trustworthy of an employee he is to Yoongi if he is pulling so many strings behind the scenes. 

A thought occurs, tickling at the back of your mind, and you turn, finding Seokjin standing right where you left him, watching you.

"Did Hyunjin and his family really die?" you ask. 

Seokjin stares at you unblinking. Then he lifts the bottle to his lips and mutters, "They're safe in America."

Anger rises, and you close your eyes, taking a deep breath in through your nose. The fact that Hyunjin's faked death may have aided in pushing Yoongi into a heroin relapse is absolutely infuriating. What would have happened if Yoongi overdosed in that hotel in Paris?

You squint at Seokjin, thinking of the many ways to verbally rip him to shreds. But you need to keep him on your good side, at least for the time being, so you put away your teeth. 

"Seems we both have something we do not want him to know about," you say, holding your chin up as if challenging him. 

Seokjin raises an eyebrow, mouth tugging into a smile as he says, "Seems we do."

You have no more to say, and you storm toward the door, kicking into your shoes. Seokjin says nothing as you leave, and for that, you are thankful. You yank on the door hard enough to make it rattle shut, then storm off into the night.

Tears stream down your cheeks in fat, hot streaks as you return to the mansion. You are not sad, but you just feel an overflow of emotion that seems to only come out in the form of crying and trembling. Seokjin makes you so fucking angry, yet you need him in order to make your escape—which you do your best not to dwell on, at the present moment. 

Although you are glad to see your men standing on the front stoop smoking a joint and saving you the trouble of asking to be let inside, you are not eager to explain what is the matter. You are not sure you are a convincing actor with a straight face, much less in this state.

You attempt to sneak past them before either of them can see you crying, but Namjoon is quick to reach for your hand and tug you close. You bury your face against his chest and sigh, trying to come up with what to say to excuse your crying.

"Sweetheart?" he asks, causing your emotions to boil over.

"Everything is too much," you mutter, unsure what else to say. "I might go to bed early."

Namjoon wraps his arms around your shoulders and hugs you tight. More tears fall, and you are glad when he does not address them. Instead, he kisses you on the top of the head and asks, "Want to sit down and have some water?"

With a nod, you take a step back and allow yourself to be led into the mansion. You kick out of your shoes as Namjoon does, hobbling from side to side with his arm slung over your shoulder. Then he guides you over to the large blue sofa, which you sit against and curl into a ball.

"I need a vacation," you groan into the soft fabric, squeezing your eyes closed.

"Is that what you went to talk to Seokjin about?" Namjoon asks. 

You groan and nod, curling further in on yourself. More tears pool in your eyes and you feel the urge to sob, but your body does not have the energy to exert. 

This is the final straw. The dizzy spells are too numerous, and seeing your ex has stirred up so many shitty, complicated feelings. You need a chance to breathe.

"Here, darling, drink this."

A warm hand gently tugs at your shoulder, and you comply, rotating and sliding your feet to the floor. Yoongi is perched on the edge of the couch, holding a large cup of water. You stretch your legs and reach for the cup.

The water is tepid, and it feels nice. Yoongi must think you are having another dizzy spell, and he reaches for your forehead, pressing his fingers to the skin. 

"The sake must have been too much," he says.

You fight the urge to roll your eyes. 

"It's not just that," you mutter. "It's everything. I need to get away for a bit."

Yoongi nods in understanding, looking to Namjoon and then to you, asking, "Is it because of Christian?"

"He is certainly a straw that is breaking my back," you admit.

Yoongi frowns, but he appears comfortable with your choice. "Where would you go?"

"Somewhere calm," you say with a shrug. "By the sea, perhaps."

"I could oversee a trip," Namjoon recommends. "Somewhere else, entirely."

You do not have the heart to tell Namjoon that you would rather go alone, so instead, you nod and mutter, "Maybe."

There is knocking on the door, and you look up expectantly. Before either of the men can so much as move, the knob turns, and Taehyung walks in.

"Guess they'll let just anyone in here," you tease weakly as Taehyung kicks off a pair of loafers with the heels bent forward and crosses the room in quick, elongated steps. 

Taehyung kneels in front of you and digs into the pocket of his slacks, producing a little paper box. "I hope you don't mind, I have come to talk to you about medication. The hyungs said you would be home."

You shrug and eye up the white box, muttering, "I don't mind."

"This medication treats high blood pressure, and it may help with what ails you. Are you comfortable with trying something new?"

"Sure." 

Yoongi takes your glass of water as Taehyung hands over the box, and you clench the fragile paper square while he opens the small flap on the top, producing a tiny matte white compostable packet with a lump in the center where the pill is. 

"Take this once every evening, for now. We can track how it works, if at all, and go from there." Taehyung rips open the packet and prises one of your hands off the box, then he drops a round, white pill into your palm. "Try to avoid taking burupen, if possible. And, depending on which birth control you use, we may need to increase the dosage."

This information is overwhelming, but you nod. Once you do run away, the two of you will no longer be able to sort any of this out, so for now, you simply agree in order to appease him. 

Sadness quakes through you as you toss the bitter pill into your mouth and take a large gulp of water, shoving the cup back into Yoongi's waiting hands. You even struggle to swallow, feeling the urge to cry. 

Taehyung has been so kind to you. You wish you could adequately express your gratitude to him before you go. You wonder if you will ever see him again.

"Thank you," you mutter. Blinking back tears. "For everything."

Taehyung grins. "No need to thank me. It is my job to care for you." He finishes his sentence with a wink, causing you to sneer. Through laughter, he adds, "I also do so because I like you."

You close your eyes and sigh, doing your best to smile as you attempt to sort your thoughts. You need to pack a suitcase, but the prospect of making that sort of plan is overwhelming. You wish everyone would leave.

"I think I may go lay down," you say, opening your eyes to find Yoongi and Namjoon regarding you with soft, understanding frowns. You add, "In my room," causing their frowns to deepen. "I think I just need some alone time. But I'll come join you two if I get lonely."

Yoongi scoots beside you and wraps an arm around your waist. His musk is calming and familiar, tugging at your heart. 

"Sounds good, darling," he says as he leans in and places a soft, lingering kiss on your temple. "You know where to find us."

Every ounce of you pulls to Yoongi, yearning to touch him. You want to embrace and kiss and undress him so badly. But you know that if you fall into bed with him and Namjoon once more, you will not have the heart to go. And one simple kiss could ruin everything. 

As you stand, Yoongi slides his arm away. Namjoon steps close and leans in for a kiss. For a split second, you consider turning your lips away, but Namjoon wraps his arms around you, pinning your arms to your side as your hands continue to hold the small paper pill box between your chests. 

"I love you," he mutters as his lips press softly against yours. 

You have to hold back the urge to sob, swallowing hard. "I lo—" You clear your throat. "I love you, too."

As Namjoon backs away, he watches you with a hint of something indiscernible in his eyes. You almost wish he would confront you rather than allow you to slip away. Could he possibly know anything? Or are you just being paranoid?

With a bow of your head, you walk past Namjoon, to the stairwell. You take each step slowly, feeling the cold marble beneath your feet. At the thought of how much you hated this garish mansion the first day you arrived—impressed by its ridiculousness but fettered like a prisoner—you snicker, and you feel a tinge of sadness.

So much has changed, and, yet, so much of who you are feels the same. 

At the top of the stairs, you shuffle quickly into your room and close the door. You hurry to the closet and flick on the light, relieved to see a large black suitcase sitting in the back, to the left of the tall mirror. 

It is hard to remember what you came into the mansion with, but you do your best to pack only your own items and leave the rest behind. You do not deserve the designer clothing and jewelry they have given you. How can you bear to wear any of it, knowing the pain you will inevitably cause these men?

The process happens as you somewhat dissociate your feelings from the task. You do your best not to think about where anything came from—under which circumstances you received a gift as you leave it where it is. 

In fact, you do your best to refrain from thinking at all, moving from room to room, gathering your things. Sun dresses, leggings, and a couple pairs of denim jeans fill the suitcase, along with several pairs of shoes, toiletries, cardboard pill boxes, and your sex toys. 

Some of what you leave behind is designer clothing Christian bought you, but you are not concerned. You do not want to continue being the kind of person who is swept up in luxury. You never needed any of it.

Amongst the many miscellaneous items you find in the bedroom is a notebook and pen pouch nestled on the bookshelf. Without giving it any thought, you begin to pen a letter to Namjoon–because he has always been the best at talking through difficult times—and then to Yoongi, and then to the both of them, filling a single page, which you do your best not to let any wayward tears drip onto when you realize you have begun to cry. 

In this letter, you pour your heart out, you apologize for having to leave, and then you end on a high note, telling yourself that it may be possible that you could one day see them again, despite knowing deep down that this is likely not the truth. 

You fold the letter into a neat rectangle and walk with it to the closet, placing it in the center of the island and shutting off the closet light for the last time, then you stand in the center of the bedroom and look around, making sure you have everything. 

Once the entire task is as complete as you can fathom it being, you return to the bed and sit on the edge. You consider waiting an hour or two before messaging Seokjin, hoping it may give the guys a chance to wind down and sleep, but you find you are too antsy.

You: I have packed a bag. I am not sure what I want to come from telling you this information except to say that I am ready whenever the time is right.

Your thumb hovers and shakes and it takes you several seconds to hit send. You are shocked when three little dots pop up mere seconds later. 

Seokjin: Tonight? Or sometime in the next few days?

Anxiety swells in your tummy, and you sigh.

You: Might be best to just rip off the bandage, so to speak.

Seokjin: I agree. In terms of timing, I can have a plane ready in two hours, but I know damn well the men will not be asleep by then. We have a meeting planned at 8 in the morning, which means they will likely be awake between 6 and 7, so 4 is going to be our sweet spot. Can you stay awake?

Although you feel exhausted, you are certain that this may be your only chance.

You: I can stay awake.

Seokjin: Also, your suitcase…can you get it down the stairs? Are you aware of the basement exit?

You: I should be able to handle it. And yes, I am aware. 

Seokjin: I recommend trying to sneak down as early as 3. If you need some kind of a diversion, I can do my best to come up with something.

You: Sounds good. Thank you.

Seokjin: Thank me when we're on the tarmac.

With just under five hours to spare, you sit and stare at the yellow comforter on the bed. Soon, you will be sleeping under a different comforter on someone else's bed. 

At this thought, you begin to spiral. You think of all the beds you have slept in, attempting to figure out whether any of them have ever been yours. 

No, you think. Not really.

The weight of discovering another unfamiliar room and attempting to make it your home feels crushing. You wish that you could stay in the place you have felt most settled, but you know in your heart that this place has also caused you the most anguish. 

You are not a mafia wife. You do not want to be one. 

A soft knock causes you to gasp and flinch, and you place your cell phone facedown at your side. After a beat, you realize that it is Namjoon on the other side, as he tends to wait to be invited to come in.

"Yes?" you ask softly, rubbing at your eyes with your fists in order to appear tired.

The door cracks open, followed by Namjoon's tuft of dark hair and a sad smile. He hovers in the liminal space between out there and in here, and the mere presence of him makes you relax a little.

"I was wondering if perhaps a nice warm bath would make you feel better," he says, brows downturned as if he is expecting you to say no. 

But how could you say no? 

This room is cold and lonely, and Namjoon is offering you warmth. Perhaps it is selfish to take this one last moment of comfort, but if there is anything you want to remember him by, it is his ability to ease your weary soul.

"A warm bath sounds perfect," you say. His smile widens, and in turn, so does yours.

"Good," he says, standing straight and stepping halfway into the room. Namjoon wears nothing but tight dark blue briefs, and the sight of his muscular, tattooed body makes your mouth begin to water. He adds, "I've already begun drawing the bath," snapping your wandering gaze from his thighs back to his grinning face.

You leave your phone behind and slide from the mattress, bare feet meeting soft rug. Namjoon holds his hand out and you reach for it, giggling as he tugs you somewhat roughly, forcing you to stumble into him. 

"I've missed you today," he groans as he bends and captures your lips, filling you with excitement. 

"I've missed you, too," you mutter as your mouth falls open for his tongue to explore. 

Namjoon teases, dancing his tongue over yours just enough to make you moan, then retracting it to say, "You sure Gguk didn't wear you out?"

You can hardly hold back the grin that overtakes your face, and you raise your eyebrows, leaning your head back enough to look him in the eyes as you ask, "Awe, is my Joonbug jealous?"

Namjoon scoffs and rolls his eyes, then he turns toward the master bedroom, yanking on your hand to make you follow along. You do your best not to dwell on how limited your time is in the mansion now that you and Seokjin have a plan. 

As you shuffle along behind Namjoon, half-running to keep up with his quick pace, you hear the sound of the jacuzzi tub. The bedroom is empty of Yoongi, and you are not surprised when you are yanked into the ensuite and find him reclining in the tub with the bubbling water sloshing over his chest. 

Namjoon lets go of your hand and peels out of his briefs, and you struggle to resist reaching out to give his perky buttcheeks a squeeze. You shed the hoodie and undershirt in one swift motion, and your leggings and underwear in another, then prance over to the tub, where Namjoon is slowly getting in on Yoongi's right. 

Yoongi lifts and turns his head, opening his eyes and cracking a smile as you approach the tub on his left, across from Namjoon. And although you attempt to take in all of his appearance, your gaze goes straight to the slash that runs through Yoongi's eye, still as red and angry as ever—evidence of your carelessness.

"Ah, her highness joins us," he announces before closing his eyes and returning his head to the rested position against the edge of the tub. The sound of the faucet and sloshing water is almost enough to conceal Yoongi's low tones, but somehow you make out each muttered syllable perfectly. 

"Namjoon does tend to be quite persuasive," you respond with a smile, lifting your gaze to Namjoon, whose eyes intently rove your naked body as you step one foot into the tub and then the other, lowering slowly to acclimate to the heat. 

Yoongi cracks a knowing smile—a sharp little thing that verges on a smirk—and he chides with a pouty, "Ah, so it was only the promise of Namjoon that brought you in here, tonight?"

Rather than humor him with words, you walk to Yoongi and straddle his lap, slinging your arms around his neck before he has a chance to open his eyes. Two large hands touch your lower back as Yoongi smiles up at you.

"Don't be ridiculous," you mutter as you lean in for a kiss, swiftly stealing his ability to argue.

Despite knowing you should not straddle Yoongi and invite a world of possibilities that will only make the act of leaving more difficult, you find it impossible to stop yourself. Yoongi pulls you close, groaning past your lips. As you settle onto his lap, breasts buoyant and pressed against his chest, you decide to try and forget about your plan. At least for a few hours.

"So much for a relaxing bath," Yoongi teases, lips grazing against yours. 

You smile coyly, eyes watching his mouth—your faces too close to see anything else. "What do you mean?"

Yoongi's hands, which rub over your lower back and firmly grab your ass, yank and squeeze, causing your tummy to meet with a growing erection. You gasp despite expecting as much, and chuckle. 

"We don't have to—" you begin, ready to assure Yoongi that you are more than happy to stay in the tub for as long as he would like.

"Oh, but we do," he insists as he begins to push you off his lap and stand. 

Namjoon chuckles, and you turn to him, still in a somewhat crouched position, chest-high in the water. You lift an eyebrow in a silent question. 

"The tub never finished filling," Namjoon says, cocking his head to the side, to where the tap continues to flow across from where Yoongi was sitting. 

You begin to laugh, as well. Yoongi, however, has a sense of urgency, toweling himself off with one hand while he reaches into the water to take you by the arm and yank. You are surprised, but comply, standing and walking to the edge of the tub to step out onto a soft mat, water pouring from your limbs. 

Yoongi shoves his damp towel into your arms, and when you stand dumbfounded for a second too long, he sighs, takes it from you, and begins to towel you dry in the most rushed, haphazard way possible before discarding it to the floor. He takes you by the hand and pulls you toward the bed, and you hear the tub get shut off and the sound of water pouring from Namjoon as he stands up and exits, as well. 

Rather than urge you onto the bed, Yoongi simply steps behind you, shoves you forward so that you are draped over the edge of it, and drops to his knees. You open your mouth to pick fun at his impatience, but his palms spread your ass, and his mouth closes over your cunt, lips and tongue making sloppy work as you widen your stance and bend over a little more.

You moan and shudder as pleasure works through you, more and more each time Yoongi's lips and tongue become increasingly precise in their movements over your clit. You instantly relax, and, as you feared, begin to forget all about why you plan to leave. 

Yoongi abruptly stops, smacks your ass, and tells you to get up onto the bed, on your hands and knees. You do as you are told, and Yoongi also gets on the bed, positions the pillows so he can sit against them, and stretches his legs. He pats his thighs and says, "Come here."

As you crawl to Yoongi, eyes intent on his fist stroking his semi-hard cock, the bed dips behind you, and two hands firmly grab your hips before you can get too far. It is clear that your instruction is to suck Yoongi's cock while Namjoon eats you out, and as you lean forward to tease Yoongi with your tongue, Namjoon's mouth begins to devour your ass. 

It is dizzying the way the three of you fall into a tangled rhythm of pleasure. Dizzying the way you make Yoongi reach his first climax at the same time Namjoon makes you reach yours. 

Namjoon fingers you deeply, thumb on your clit while his lips and tongue work over your asshole, and you are shocked by the intensity of your orgasm like this—how the pleasure feels somehow different with the added stimulation. 

"One of these days, I want you to take both of our cocks at once," Namjoon groans against you while his teeth rake over the swell of your ass cheek. 

You have to hold back a laugh, curious what the hell must be in the water to make every man you fuck want to double-penetrate you. And although you think it would be funny to put Jeongguk's earlier suggestion on blast, you decide to keep it to yourself.

Namjoon yanks and tugs you until you are beside Yoongi on your back, with your legs spread wide. He fucks you hard and deep, and you muffle your screams against his shoulder as he leans forward and sucks on Yoongi's cock. 

It takes no time for another orgasm to crash over you, and you are painted in hot streaks of Namjoon's cum before the two men swap places, and Yoongi crawls between your legs. 

He leans close, tickling you with the tips of his dark, long hair as it brushes against your tummy and thighs while he laps up each drop of Namjoon's release like a good little dog. Then he sits high on his knees and wastes no time spearing you nice and deep. 

Namjoon kneels beside you and pulls your hands above your head, holding both of your wrists in one of his hands while the other lightly smacks and pinches the skin on your arms and chest, causing you to squeal and scream and chase two very intense orgasms. 

When Yoongi finishes, it is in Namjoon's mouth, and then the two of them mutter about taking a proper shower while you begin to drift in and out of sleep. 

You nearly doze off completely when the sound of a loud pop, followed by a bright light and a loud bang, startles you awake. Suddenly, you are far too aware of your surroundings, but you have no idea what time it is. 

In a panic, you sit up and yank the cold comforter you had been lying on top of until part of it covers your sweaty, naked body. There are more loud bangs and bright lights, and Namjoon is the first to point out that it is fireworks that are being shot off directly at the window, from the other side of the property's security gate. 

Yoongi storms over to the window, still nude, and pulls back the curtain a sliver. Namjoon leans forward and also peers out. 

"Looks like those goons from the restaurant," Namjoon says, causing your heart to pound. 

Is Christian behind whatever this strange display is? And if so, did Seokjin put him up to this?

"Mister Min, are you in there?" a voice booms over a speaker, and it sounds just like Christian—as expected. In a creepy, sing-song manner, he adds, "Come out and plaaayyy."

"Darling," Yoongi says, turning to you. "Do you know about the basement?"

You nod frantically and begin to move, inching toward the edge of the bed. Yoongi's cell phone rings on the bedside table opposite where you sit, and Yoongi rushes over and answers it simply by saying, "Seokjin."

There is a pause, and then Yoongi says, "Sounds good," and hangs up. Then he turns to Namjoon and says, "Seokjin and Hoseok are on their way." To you, he adds, "Seokjin will meet you in the basement. Get dressed and go quickly."

All at once, you throw the comforter to the side and begin making your way to the bathroom, where your clothing has been discarded, deciding that this is your getaway outfit since everything else is packed into a suitcase, and you are not going to leave in a rush wearing an evening gown. 

As you hop into your underwear and leggings, Namjoon appears, naked and with a frown on his face. He pulls you into a tight hug, kisses your forehead, and says, "This is not the way I wanted to see you off for that much needed trip. I will find you soon, alright?"

You nod, feeling tears well up, and you allow them to fall, suddenly so overwhelmed with the thought that you will likely not see Namjoon again. At least, not for a while. 

Namjoon thumbs tears from below your eyes and smiles sweetly before placing another kiss on your forehead. Behind him, Yoongi appears wearing a black sweater tucked into black joggers, and he pulls you into a hug that has you stumbling and crashing into him. 

"I'm so sorry," he says with his lips to your temple. "I know this must be scary, but we will take care of everything. Pack a bag if you can, but do not spend too long on it. We can send for more of your things once Seokjin helps you settle in somewhere."

Unable to form a coherent thought, you simply hum and nod, then allow Yoongi to break from the hug. "Hurry on," he says, smiling sadly as more fireworks and taunting words come from outside. 

You run through the dark mansion, startling each time another loud boom erupts. Despite knowing that the sounds are fireworks, you fear that whatever is happening right now could become more dangerous. 

Without turning your bedroom light on, you make your way quickly to the closet and grab the suitcase. Then you remember your cell phone, which was left on your bed. You pick it up and turn on the screen, expecting to find something from Seokjin telling you of whatever plan he may have formed before all of this kicked off, and you are surprised to find a text that simply says, "Be there in 3," which was sent exactly three minutes ago. 

You open the suitcase and grab a pair of sneakers, deciding that going to the front door for ones that have been left there is out of the question. As you zip the case back up, you hear footsteps running up the stairs and freeze, feeling fear and anxiety rush. 

"Cub," Seokjin's voice says in a whisper-yell, "are you ready?"

Without waiting for your response, he reaches and takes the suitcase by its handle and turns to run down the large staircase. You shove your feet into the black sneakers, which you will need to straighten out once you are in a vehicle, and then take one last glance at the dark room before following behind, attempting to make out the sounds of shouting coming from outside. 

Seokjin leads you down the hall, into the dining room, and through the open wall panel, which you close tightly behind you. The light has not been turned on, but your eyes are adjusted to the dark, and your heart pounds loudly and heavily as you grip onto the wooden railing and rush behind him, feet quietly pattering against carpet as you descend. 

Once you finally reach the bottom of the steps, where Seokjin waits, your thoughts begin to settle. A dim light is turned on, and as you look around at the abandoned recreation space, you begin to accept the fact that all of this is finally happening. 

A glance at your phone shows that it is just after one in the morning. Feeling frustration rise, you shove the device into a hoodie pocket and follow behind Seokjin, who continues through the space.

"So much for sticking to the plan," you grumble, head still spinning. 

It is shocking to you how the depths of the mansion seem to fully hide the sounds that are coming from outside. You walk hurriedly across the dim, carpeted basement, doing your best to keep up with Seokjin's long legs making quick strides.

"Oh, this is not my doing," he says with an amused laugh, head turning somewhat to the right. "It is lucky that his nonsense is loud enough to be heard across the property."

For some reason, you are inclined not to believe him. You mutter, "Sure," and keep your eyes ahead. 

"I mean it," Seokjin insists. "Although I have to admit, it is the perfect way to catch the loverboys off guard, this also poses somewhat of a threat. Taehyung and Jeongguk live deep enough onto the property that simply taking you to one of their homes for safe-keeping would have been a wise choice under normal circumstances. Hell, having you hole up at my place with all of Hoseok's weapons is the best choice."

Seokjin pauses at the end of the staircase, lifts your luggage, and says, "I am likely going to catch hell for removing you from the compound."

You think back to how Seokjin lied about Hyunjin's death, and about how much Jeongguk seems to mistrust him. How many secrets does Seokjin hold onto? How many lies does he spin to protect others? 

Namjoon and Yoongi seemed resolute in the fact that you would be leaving the mansion property entirely, but they likely expect to be informed of your whereabouts immediately. What will Seokjin tell them?

And then you remember the letter you wrote and realize how this must look. Under a normal disappearance, this could seem like simply running away, but forgetting to remove the letter before this escape could lead the two of them to think you and Christian really are in cahoots. 

Without a doubt, this whole scenario is not going to bode well with the others, even though they seemed to expect as much to happen as you said goodbye. Especially when hot heads like Yoongi and Jeongguk begin to speculate on all the what-ifs.

It is your hope that Namjoon will be able to remain the voice of reason, even if it is just short term. Once he reads your letter, he will realize that you are gone for good, and you worry that he will forget your earlier conversation about needing a vacation in lieu of forming some kind of conspiracy that the letter could point to. 

As you make your way up the stairs, your heart begins to pound. You know that once you get outside, the shrubs will provide some cover, but you are uncertain of how you will manage to get away with Christian and his goonies just out front. 

Exhaustion and adrenaline keep you from asking too many questions, and you focus on putting one foot in front of the other, trusting that Seokjin has a plan. 

Seokjin reaches the top of the stairs and opens the door to the outside world, and in an instant, you hear voices shouting and booming. Your heart pounds so hard you feel disoriented, and you trip over your own feet, struggling to force yourself to get any closer to the sounds. 

"The house is armored," Seokjin utters softly as he keeps your luggage in his hand and makes his way toward the end of the shrub, to where the secret door lies. "Don't worry so much about the others. Come."

You close the door to the mansion, pressing it firmly in place, and then step as lightly as you can toward Seokjin. Rather than open the shrub door that Taehyung previously brought you through all those days ago, which leads straight out into the driveway, Seokjin slowly reaches into the shrub on the left, and you watch as it swings open into the wooded area that connects the homes.

Seokjin turns to you and nods his chin, urging you silently to catch up, and you tiptoe quickly ahead toward the opening. You are surprised to discover a fully covered path, not of gravel, but of concrete, leading away from the mansion in the direction of Seokjin's home. 

"When I left to come here, I didn't see anyone near my gate," Seokjin informs softly, rushing with smaller steps, as if to stay at your pace. For this, you are grateful. "People tend not to notice our homes, which gives us a means to escape. Although it appears that Christian has been planning this little insurrection of his, I doubt he is prepared for us to slip away into the night."

A particularly loud bang causes you to trip over your own feet and for all the blood in your body to turn cold. You shrink in on yourself and duck your head instinctively. 

"Sounds like Hoseok has arrived," Seokjin says with a chipper tone. Then he adds, "It's just a flash grenade, cub. A warning shot, so to speak. Usually that is all it takes to scare lower level guys away."

You accept what Seokjin says, but worry pools in your tummy over the thought of anyone getting hurt. Even Christian, as much as you hate to admit it. You hope that the men are able to solve this matter without anyone becoming injured or worse. 

Although you tell yourself that this must be goodbye—that you must bid farewell to the mansion for good—you feel sick at the thought of never being able to see any of these men again. You hope desperately for everyone to stay alive.

The path opens up to Seokjin's property, and you notice a sleek black sports car on the driveway. Seokjin rushes forward, and as the trunk of the vehicle pops open, presumably from a key fob in his grasp, you begin to run toward the passenger door, relieved to find that it is unlocked, and slide into the seat. 

As soon as Seokjin is in the driver's seat with the door closed, he sighs, presses the engine button, and says, "I'm not sure if I should thank Barom or flay him alive."

Although there are so many thoughts running through your mind—so many questions that you feel desperate to answer—what you ask is, "Why do you call him Barom?"

Seokjin begins to drive without turning on his headlights, along the dark driveway, toward his gate. 

"That is the name he uses under my employ," he responds, looking to the right, to where the large truck sits empty of shouting men, all of whom are either pressed against the gate to the mansion or have wiggled their way inside. "I suppose I have grown accustomed to it."

Good enough, you decide, disinterested in pushing the issue any further. The two of you set off into the night, in the opposite direction of the truck and its bright headlights, and you let out a breath of relief when you realize it is not following you. 

Once the road curves and dips, Seokjin turns on his headlights, illuminating the world ahead. Anxiously, you stare into the side-view mirror, waiting for headlights to appear and advance, but they never do. 

"Breathe," Seokjin says calmly as he reaches to turn on the radio. You are surprised to hear upbeat pop music coming from the speakers, and even more surprised when Seokjin does not change it. "We appear to be out of the woods—literally and figuratively—and the guys are more than capable of handling those idiots on their own."

You sigh, unable to be as optimistic, but unwilling to argue. Aside from the pop music accompanied by your pounding heart, the rest of the drive is quiet. 

Seokjin hums to a tune from time to time, and you stare ahead as the tree line becomes spotted more and more brightly with city lights. You even allow your eyes to close, feeling exhausted from such a long day, and when you open them, the car is driving onto a strip of tarmac, toward a private airplane. 

"Let me see your phone," Seokjin says, and without thinking, you hand it over. 

Rather than explain himself, he simply pockets your device and hands you a different one, then he gets out of the car and closes the door behind him. You sit still, feeling the weight of the new phone in your hands while Seokjin opens the trunk and retrieves your suitcase.

As you exit the car, tired from the unknowable amount of time you dozed off, Seokjin rolls your suitcase over to the jet, toward a small set of stairs that sticks out from its entrance. He stops at the bottom of the steps and hands the suitcase off to a staff member, then motions for you to get moving. 

You make your way somewhat slowly up the stairs, and you are surprised when you turn around to see that Seokjin is still on the ground. He is not joining you. 

"In order to prevent the lover boys from following your scent and making a rescue mission, I am sending you to Taiwan," he shouts. Worry rises, and you open your mouth to protest, but he continues, "A liaison will be there to meet you. She will know you when she sees you. Keep your head down, and do not try to contact any of us."

With a different phone, you wonder whether you can contact any of them without jumping through hoops. Surely, Seokjin did not hand you a device with everyone's numbers stored. You squeeze the phone in your palm, overtaken by the urge to cry. 

"I will reach out soon!" Seokjin shouts, lifting a hand to wave it. He appears far too calm for your comfort, and you suddenly worry you are making a huge mistake. "Trust that the people you meet have been put in charge of looking out for you, and keep an open mind. Things are not always as they seem."

Before you can respond, a staff member places a hand on your shoulder and ushers you to walk further into the airplane. You resist for a few seconds, but give in, too tired and confused to fight. You want to scream and lash out at Seokjin, but he is already spinning on the balls of his shoes and walking away. 

What have you done? What have you agreed to?

Staff members close the door while others make their way into your cabin. They ask softly worded questions, suggesting food and drink to bring once you are in the air. You shake your head, only half hearing what anyone says and finding it difficult to focus. 

As the plane begins to move, you find a seat and strap in, then you close your eyes. You are too anxious to properly take in your surroundings, moving on autopilot. The captain is soft-spoken as he informs you that the flight will be just under three hours. And so, you decide to close your eyes and sleep. 

Nightmares haunt every second of the flight, and you jolt awake more than once disoriented and heavy, unable to keep your eyes open long enough to move into the bedroom in the back or to convince yourself to ask for something to drink. When the jet lands, you gasp, eyes wide and heart pounding. It takes a few moments to realize where you are. 

The plane slows to an eventual stop, and you feel motion sick with the urge to vomit. Luckily, a staff member is close by, and they offer you a cup of water, which you drink quickly. 

Seokjin's recommendation to keep an open mind plays in your head on repeat, and you worry yourself with all the horrible possibilities. Who could be waiting for you once the door to this plane opens? You are not eager to find out.

Staff members open the door, and you almost do not believe your eyes when, a moment later, in runs Ahn Hyejin. She looks like an angel dressed in a white tank top and short white shorts, with a long white sweater falling from her shoulders. Her dark hair falls to one side of her face in large waves, and her pouty lips are bright red. You remain buckled into the seat when she falls to her knees and sits tall, wrapping her arms around your middle. 

"H–Hyejin?" you try, unsure whether your exhaustion has reached new heights and you are hallucinating. 

Her perfume is all too familiar, convincing you that she really is here. The rose hits your senses first, followed by citrus and something sweet, and you relax all at once, letting out a deep breath, only half aware of the tears that pour from your eyes. 

"My dove," she sighs, voice somewhat strained as if she is holding back her own tears. "It is so good to see you again. Come, you must get some sleep."

Hyejin reaches to undo your seatbelt, and reality continues to sink in. You move to help with the buckle, limbs moving on a bit of a delay, and you only have a chance to graze your fingertips over metal before she pulls it apart and frees you. 

She gets to her feet and reaches out, taking both of your hands in hers and yanking you upward. Once you are steady, she begins pulling you to the exit. It is still dark outside, with a hint of sun coming over the horizon. You imagine you must be one or two time zones away from home. 

A blood-red sedan sits on the tarmac, and when the door to the back seat is opened, you notice a woman in the driver's seat and another in the passenger's seat. You are unable to make out their features as you approach, noticing only straight dark hair on the passenger that is pulled tight into a bun with strands sticking out on one side. Both women wear sunglasses despite the lack of sun.

Hyejin says, "No matter what, know that you are safe, and loved, and protected." 

This does not assuage the already growing ball of nausea in your gut, and although your hand begins to sweat in her grasp, she is steadfast, holding on tight. A staff member approaches and puts your suitcase into the back of the vehicle, and Hyejin holds out a hand toward the open door and urges you to get in. 

Only now do you realize there is a third row of seats, one of which is occupied by another unrecognizable woman who does not greet you. As you slide into the back seat, a woman you had not noticed gets in on the other side, sitting to your right and sandwiching you in the center, with Hyejin on your left. 

Once you are settled and surrounded on all sides, an unfamiliar woman begins to drive, and you study her semi-covered face in the rear-view mirror, searching her nose and lips for any hints of recognition. Soft pop music plays, and you wonder if it is the same channel Seokjin had been playing before you remember you are no longer in Korea.

As the car pulls out of the airport, the front passenger turns her body to face you, and you realize in this moment what Seokjin meant when he urged you to keep an open mind—what Hyejin meant when she insisted that you are safe and loved and protected. 

You recognize Ryujin even before she fully removes her sunglasses, smiling wide and only a bit devious. She is beautiful with her dark hair pulled out of her face. 

"Darling," she says, dragging each syllable out long in a voice that is soft as silk. You swallow thickly, fighting another urge to be sick. "How lovely to finally meet you. I'm Shin Ryujin."

"I know who you are," you manage to say, voice strained and weak.

Ryujin giggles. "Oh, good! Seokjin-oppa called in a favor, so we are going to be taking you home with us. We'll stay here for the next two days, though. Are you hungry?"

Although the question is aimed at you, the car erupts into eager chatting. It seems the other four women are quite hungry. You nod despite not being sure whether you can eat. 

"I know you likely have a lot of questions," Ryujin says through the chatter, voice surprisingly clear though much softer. "Let's get you settled in and I will tell you everything you wish to know."

And with that, the six of you drive along dark city streets, far from anywhere you have come to know as home. 

* * *

When you realize By the sign of my eyes Without a doubt You can't stop me 'cause Love is banned

🎵 visit the playlist

absolutely bonkers that large chunks of this chapter have been written for literally a year. it's nice for things to finally culminate to this point.

this would have been the end of Collateral. i would have said a bunch of sappy shit and thanked you for your years of service before taking a hiatus and moving into the sequel. but since i have changed how things are going to be, we are simply going to continue. check out the master post to see the changes that have been made, and if you are curious for more context, see this post.

i am eternally grateful, tho!!! i hope you know that, dear readers! i started this fic two (2!!) years ago (as of this week!!!), and it is a honor to have you still here with me. i definitely did not intend for it to go on this long. 💜 thank you, thank you for your patience while i was dealing with writer's block. grief is a hell of a drug, and it knocked me flat on my ass.

this has been edited, but docs acted super weird and made a lot of strange duplications of words and phrases during the writing process, so if you find anything that is just fucking wonky that i may have missed (or even something perfectly normal!) don't be afraid to tell me. i would rather know to fix a mistake than leave it.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!! REBLOGS ARE IMPORTANT BLAHBLAHBLAH LIKES ARE ALSO AMAZING AND SO ON. 💜 tags will be coming in reblogs.

Yoongi's POV is next. i changed my mind about what i wanted his to contain, and i hope you enjoy it.

if you would like to see the inspo that brought DPR IAN to being mc's ex, check out this post.

have some water and fix your posture. 💜💜💜 i hope to see you soon!!! love you byeee!!!

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