#and I'm in love with the idea but we realistically cant afford a hotel right now so we probably cant go | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lupismaris · 2 years ago

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Recorded tonight's monologue with the line "loneliness and longing both taste like sea water, the problem is it starts in the lungs and by the time you can taste it it's too late you've already drowned." Safe to say lads we are not in fact stellar.

#spent the afternoon with pne of my childhood friends whose effectively my sibling she got married in may i was a groomsman #and she mentioned she and her husband were going to CT to spend new years with our other family friend jack and their family #with whom i coparent at times and who is the other nonbinary friend in the group etc #and i just said that sounded phenomenal i wish i had exciting new years plans maybe bew years 2024 we all do something together #and she calls jack unprompted to suggest my bf and i come up as well because she thinks that would make the holiday even better #and I'm in love with the idea but we realistically cant afford a hotel right now so we probably cant go #but my rejection dysphoria is fixating on the fact that she has cultivated the kind of relationship in which #concrete plans and invitations are made and i only get the 'youre always welcome we love you and can't wait to see you'#which if you have any neurodivergence you know isnt an invitation and is hilarious cause jack had as many issues as I do #so its hard not to feel like a failure and the forgotten friend pr the one who only gets a call when someone needs something #which isnt the truth but like goddamn at midnight it definitely seems that way

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