#and I see my therapist again this wednesday. maybe I'll bring it up

[dragonfirerogue-writes]

is it ok if i request a gn reader x wednesday? maybe slow dancing or just swaying with her :]]? or maybe whatever scenario you prefer with a gn reader similar to howl pendragon ur pick :> i love ur work btwwww

Thaaanks 💜

Wednesday x gn!reader

If she didn't enjoy it so much, lugging around her cello would be the last thing she would do. Especially without Thing's assistance. But Wednesday found the instrument to be therapeutic. Much more so than her actual so-called therapist.

Managing to make it out of the window, Wednesday finally sets up and prepares to play. Taking a deep breath, her posture straightens even more than usual and she brings her bow up to the strings. She's just about to start when a shadow distracts her. She looks up and sees you, floating up to her balcony with an infuriating grin on your face.

"Ah, my shadow. Preparing to fill the air with a haunting melody?" You ask as you land next to her.

Why you chose to pester her was beyond Wednesday's comprehension. She knew of your reputation as a womanizer. Many people, i.e Enid, warned her about your habit of breaking hearts. But she didn't care. She didn't have a heart to break and your skills were useful to her. Might as well use you if you intended to do the same to her.

"Perhaps if you didn't interrupt me, I would be, L/N." The goth watches as you prop yourself on the balcony railing.

"Don't let me stop you, dark love. Whether I'm here or not, I'll enjoy it regardless."

"Yes, because I play specifically for you." Her voice was dripping in sarcasm. You only let out a soft chuckle in reply. This back and forth was fun for you and you genuinely enjoyed it. There weren't many who resisted your charms and yet here she was. You have long since stopped trying to overtly flirt with the goth girl. You knew it wasn't going to work at all anyway. But you still held an interest in her, even if it just ends up platonic.

After some quiet, Wednesday took it as a signal that she could start playing. Soon enough, the crooning notes of the cello filled the night air. You close your eyes and let the music fill your senses. With the instrument this close, you could feel its vibrations fly into the air. It was captivating.

When your eyes open again, they watch the petite girl play. She ebbs and flows with each note as it sways and bends. This was a song that she didn't need her sheet music for. In a rare instance of vulnerability, dark eyes are closed so music can be felt. The look enchants you more than any spell you could ever cast. In a bout of inspiration, you begin to dance.

At first, your light steps could be heard in time with the music as they alight on the stone balcony. Light scuffs and scrapes of your footwear accent each measure Wednesday plays. Your arms wave about, summoning sparks and light to enhance your moves, even if it was for your own delight. Wednesday didn't have to open her eyes to see. The light was seen behind eyelids and sounds of steps matched the beats.

Until it couldn't be heard anymore.

Curious, Wednesday opens her eyes to see you in the air once more, letting the music literally lift you. The moonlight makes your skin and hair glow, making her wonder if you magicked that effect as well. Even distracted, her music was flawless. Even entranced, you took your opportunity.

The goth girl jumps back in surprise as her cello spins and begins to play itself, continuing the melody she was just playing. Knowing who was behind the trick, she looks up at you only to see your hand outstretched towards her.

"May I have this dance?"

Without waiting for an answer, you take her hand and lift her into the air and into your arms. You immediately begin to spin in time to an easy waltz, letting Wednesday become accustomed to being afloat.

"Trust me," you tell her. "I would never let you fall."

As soon as Wednesday gets used to floating, you allow the dance to become more intricate. You lead the dance all around the area using your magic to create trails of light as your feet move.

This was a new experience for Wednesday. While the whole romanticism of the situation made her sick, the feeling of floating was an experience unlike any other. Especially while dancing. Perhaps keeping this wizard around may lead to even more such experiences.

The song begins to end as you lead the two of you back to the balcony. You end the dance by pulling away from your frame and bowing to your partner.

"Apologies for pulling you around like that. I got swept up in the magic of it all."

Wednesday stares at your bent form before saying, "it wasn't.... Entirely unpleasant." You beam at that. "Certainly a new experience, dancing on air. The only other time that happened, I was possessed." A surprised chuckle left your mouth.

"Well, I'm glad I could give you a new experience. Hope we have the chance again, to dance together." You step closer to the girl and for once, she doesn't step back. "I should leave before I'm caught past curfew. Until tomorrow, my dark shadow." You bow again but this time, you reach for one of Wednesday's pigtails and lay a kiss on the end. With a smile, you leap into the railing and make your way to your room, skipping through the air as if on a solid path.

Wednesday watches, fascinated by how magic works for you. Though she'll deny til her dying breath that her heart didn't skip just a little bit at your goodbye. With a sigh, she turns away and packs up her cello. Maybe she could've had you help before you left.

[justahumblememefarmer]

I've had a therapist offer to give me a referral to get a diagnosis but I just don't particularly see the point.

The biggest benefit of a diagnosis is getting accomodations. I'm out of school, and at my job I've been able to articulate my needs to my bosses and get accomodations without a diagnosis. So it doesn't particularly help me.

My biggest struggle is with my social awkwardness. But having a diagnosis isn't going to make people be my friend or prevent them from finding me annoying. It isn't going to make me better at reading social cues. So again, a diagnosis doesn't help.

And there's a lot of potential negatives to getting a diagnosis. Having a documented disability can lead to discrimination. Certain countries restrict visas or travel for autistic people. Many people have reported discriminatory or infantalizing treatment from medical professionals after learning they are autistic. It can also be used in a divorce as a reason you should not have custody of your children.

Maybe I'm not autistic. But treating myself as if I am has helped tremendously. I'm able to recognize issues that I'm facing a lot better. I'm able to examine and articulate my feelings much more. I'm able to determine what might solve my problem.

For example, a few months back at work one day I found that I just could not focus on an assignment at work. A task I'd done many times with no issue that I suddenly could not bring myself to do for several days. So I thought:

Question: When have I had a similar inability to concentrate on work?

Answer: When he had a huge organizational overhaul and my job, schedule, and manager all changed. I did not handle the change to my daily routine well

Question: Has there been any change to my routine recently?

Answer: Yes! I used to go into the office Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but they just changed our required day to Thursday. I now completely changed my schedule.

Question: When did I first start feeling this lack of focus?

Answer: On Tuesday, when I first deviated from my schedule

Question: Now that I've identified the problem, what's a potential solution.

Answer: I should keep going in Tuesdays and Wednesdays to maintain my old schedule, while going in Thursdays as well to meet the requirement. After a month I'll phase out Tuesdays, and after another month, Wednesdays.

Question: Great! Now, what will I do about the work that I'm behind on

Answer: Speak to my manager. Admit that I struggled and am behind. Tell him why I'm struggling and my proposed solution.

If I didn't know that autistic people struggle with changes to their routine, and that I might be autistic, I might not have connected those dots. And because I hadn't actually identified what my issue was, I probably would've just stressed about it and not been able to talk to my boss. But I did. I wasn't nearly as behind as I thought I was, and he was happy that I opened up to him and he was totally fine with my proposed solution.

Whenever the topic of autism self diagnosis comes up, inevitably a comment about "what about people faking it" comes up.

1. Who are you to determine whether they're faking it or not?

2. Is it really worth gatekeeping many people because of the actions of a few?

[theluxuriansecret]

Diary Entry 04082024

11:40 pm

Dear Diary,

It may seem weird but I am in a stagnant state again, I have begun to find myself in one place and not sure which direction I want to head into. It is weird place to be because I am happy and also very content with my life, but I also didn't plan on ACTUALLY achieving all the things I have achieved and getting the things I want so quickly. Now I feel like I have to plan to cooperate with plans I wanted but di not think I would have.

It is truly insane, my relationship is going so well. We saw each other this past weekend and for the most part it went well. I took him to my grandma's hoarder house and we stayed there and in a weird way I feel like I showed him a piece of myself I was not ready to let him see. I let him see my real life, my real world, my real reality with no thoughts other than me wanting to spend time with him. It's so weird how a perfectionist can jump into something like that. BUT TRUST, all those perfectionist-isms caught right the fuck up to me and I started freaking out. But he didn't judge me in anyway, at least not to my face, I didn't ask what he thought either, so I guess a win is a win? He also met my parents, and they like him, but I knew they would.

Okay so to be honest, and I have to be honest, this is my Diary..duhhh umm, how do I say that our sex is kinda not what i expected at all. LOL. I thought this man would be like all over me, but maybe it's because he doesn't actively objectify me? I don't know. I fel tlike after not seeing each other for as long as it's been it would be really good, but he came quickly, which I guess also comes with not having sex for a while. I just have gone from a really sexual person, to having sex once a month, which I guess I was doing before, but I actually have a genuine connection to this person and I feel true, genuine love towards him. He felt really insecure about it as any man would, but I didn't even get to finish, which I think sucked the fucking most tbh. I don't know, I don't expect him to be a p*rn s*ar but I guess there is just a certain type of sex that I am used to? I think it's best to just talk about it with him but I never really know how to bring sex up without coming off as a horny bastard. I don't want to come off as objectifying him either, even though I do, just not towards him. It's not like I don't see him as a person though, I'm just incredibly lustful. and maybe thats my issue.

Regardless, I need to get sex out of my mind even though it is something I think about fucking constantly, I don't know if it's a real issue yet, I just know that it's everyday, a lot of the time it is what I am thinking about. I may ask my ex therapist about it, because I feel like it is damaging my fucking braincells.

I also need to figure out what the fuck I am going to do with my life besides work. I work 5 days a week now, which has absolutley been an adjustment, but I also need to get back to my hobbies to take up the time and maybe my brain and my goals will become clearer to me. I want to save!!! I want to start saving so I can move out of this house because I so desperately wish to be on my own. I want to lose those 10 pounds, I'm back up to 159 lbs which is like fine, I look fine but I still desire to be lower, I think 150 is the goal now? 155 I lowkey looked ill, BUT if I tone up more, than I should be okay. I want to start cooking for real this time, I want to do it on Monday when I wfh because I'll have the time and then I can have lunch for Tuesday or Wednesday but eating the same thing in a row is kinda crazy so we'll see. Lastly, I really want to scrapbook, it has been such a heavy thing on my mind and it WILL be started this year. A new hobby outside of my phone, maybe I can make videos just for fun to work on some other type of skill that a million people already seem to have.

This year has really been my year, I finally graduate next month and I am BEYOND ready to put undergrad truly, truly behind me and never think about it ever tf again.

That's all I got for now, goodnightt!!!

[multiple-essentials]

Rest

The day is a Wednesday, October 4th. My name is Purity.

Today I was supposed to get some rest and fellowship with a pillar of the community and someone especially important in my husbands career. The idea was not my own but instead just words and not really a plan. These things though I didn't find out until I was already supposed to do that. Maybe I am the crazy one to think that if I am supposed to go somewhere at 7:45 a.m. that maybe I should have the address.

I am writing this at 10 a.m. after unloading the things I had meticulously planned to bring to this woman's house that I wanted to ask her about, I wanted to pray with her and maybe that will happen. I just wish my husband cared just that little bit more to see things to completion, his life is full of unfinished puzzles. Half done drawings and plans to make plans. Of course I am not a therapist (and I'm trying my best with my own brain) but even I know it's not a sustainable way to live. I also don't know how to teach a teacher.

I can't get mad but I can feel hurt.

Today will be a good day - but I am allowed to feel hurt.

Even if no one acknowledges that it is hurtful. It's "did I text her?" and of course I did but how do you tell someone who has students cooking asian food for my asian husband that he HAS to listen too that if he could just ask her husband who works right down the hall I could've been there already.

See my life is full of these days. Hoping for something that just turned out to be words. He's not getting paid to listen to me, and it's my job to shut up and just do the stuff. I realized today through this experience that I'm no longer going to the doctor. I'll just say that I am, and maybe somehow that might make him realize that actions are what matters. Instead of just taking the time to ask Mr. B he wanted me to fix a plan that was supposed to help me that didn't mean enough to him. I can't wait to be dead. Everyone will see I'm not lying and maybe it will help them to believe others like me.

It will also indefinitely prove that action is necessary and words are meaningless most of the time and forget-able at best.

Disappointed again - but never losing hope,

Purity x

[lampmeeting]

hmmm for the caretaking writing meme, maybe “I just wanted to check on you and see how you’re doing” or “you must be hungry” for jt/melm?

oohohohohoo both of these are so good :3c i ended up using both! hope you like it!!

John didn't like to pull late nights like this, but there was nothing to be done. First Wednesday of the month meant new klokateers which meant new psych evals. They'd all been screened previously by their recruiters, of couse, but John had the privilege of really getting to know them. Not by name, naturally. And most of them probably wouldn't last through the next month anyway. But it was still his job, taxing and thankless as it was.

He was nearly finished transcribing the third-to-last patient interview of the evening when a cheerful drum solo of a knock rapped on the door. Only one person tended to knock like that.

"Come on in, Mel," he called loud enough to be heard in the hallway.

Melmord did indeed come in, closing the door behind him with a little flourish of a kick. He had a styrofoam take-out container in one hand and what looked like a large Duncan Hills coffee in the other. "What's up doc! Still workin'?"

John looked down at the various folders and notebooks spread out over his desk and shot Melm a wry smile. "Why, however could you tell, my dear?"

"Lucky guess," Melmord laughed, already starting to shift some of the things on the desk around so he could set down the coffee and food. "Theeeeere ya go. Figured you must be hungry so I swung by the cafeteria."

It probably should've irritated him, the late-night visit and the overfamiliar way Melmord made himself at home in his office, but try as he might, John found himself smiling along with him and reaching for the coffee.

It was sweet! Like gingerbread and caramel, topped with whipped cream.

"It's November now," Melmord said, hopping up on the desk. "DH is on that Christmas shit."

John licked his lips. "Well thank you, Mel, that's very thoughtful." He opened the food container and a burst of fragrant steam fogged his glasses for a second. Sesame chicken and fried rice. "None for you?"

"Nah, I already ate. This is alllll you, doc."

John took a bite, considered the situation a moment, and turned the fork on him, chewing quickly before he spoke. "You do know this doesn't get you any bonus points with me, right? No extra banana stickers? No days off our sessions?"

"Jesus, Johnny!" Melmord pantomimed a stab in the chest, quite convincingly actually, and thunked backwards to sprawl across the desk with a croak. "You wound me. What, a guy can't just bring his therapist some dinner outta the kindness of his heart?"

John raised an eyebrow above his glasses. "I...suppose a guy could."

Still reclined over the desk, Melmord turned his head to rest on some folders and fixed John with an amber set of what could only be described, somewhat worryingly, as bedroom eyes.

"Just wanted to check on you, John. Y'know, see how you're doin'. First Wednesday of the month and all. That's why I'm here, and that's the dog's-honest truth."

John snorted a laugh in spite of himself and put the fork down in the fried rice, trying to ignore the two inches of bare stomach visible between Melmord's Dethklok-issued pajama bottoms and sweatshirt. It was no use, though.

He shifted in his seat.

"Mel, as much as I appreciate the food and the company, I think maybe it's time you ran off to bed. You've got an early morning, if I'm not mistaken."

"Fuuuuuuck..." Melmord grumbled and sat up again, scratching idly just under the waistband of his pants. "Yeah, yeah, you're right. Guess I'll get outta your hair." He hopped off the edge of the desk, spilling some papers, and patted John on the shoulder. "Don't work too hard."

"Ohh, it's a little late for that."

"I'm serious, though." Melmord's hand lingered there at his shoulder, thumb playing with his collar, and John felt a strange prickling of phantom goosebumps rush along his metal arms. "You gotta take care of yourself here, John. No one else in this place is gonna give two shits about you. The only person who isn't replaceable is Offdensen, and I sure as fuck found that out the hard way, didn't I?"

John shivered again at the sudden tone of Melmord's voice, but when he looked up at him the man was smiling. Or attempting to smile.

"Have a good night, doc."

With another pat, Melmord left for the door, but John quickly cleared his throat. "Mel. Sweetie, wait."

Melmord turned, hand on the knob. "Hm?"

"I do care about you. Very much. I hope you know that."

Melmord smiled again, and this time the corners of his amber eyes crinkled. "Aww, doc. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were falling for me."

"Okay, seriously, to bed with you, you weisenheimer."

With a stuck out tongue and a wink, Melmord left, though John could hear giggling down the hall for a few moments more until the office fell into an unpleasant, empty, Mel-less silence.

[fanders-art]

Better - chapter 1

Summary: Elle is a depressed 25 year old who doesn't see the hope and kindness on store for herself. This is the story on recovery

Trigger warnings: suicidal ideation, pessimistic thinking/negative self talk, depression (tell me if there's more please !)

Note- this is my first ever story, it might not be good but bear with me, i may know what im talking about, I know how depression feels. I wrote this to show theres always hope. You can get better and feel better even when it's hard and it is a constant fight. Without further ado, THE STORY!~

_______________________________

"Anyways Elle, I have to go to my next class now so I'll call you later, bye"

My little sister, Anna, says sounding dissapointed, and hangs up the phone; I start wondering if she got bored with me and ended the call, or maybe she really didn't want to go to class. I sigh and turn over in my bed.

I had just woken up before the call, my body feeling like lead and my spirits were low, as if they were mourning the hole on my heart that yearned for comforting words, for happiness. Longing for love, fulfillment and support. Something to hold it all together. It's been there for quite some time now. I shake my head at the thought.

Go wash the dishes you useless adult.

I would, if my body didnt feel so heavy that it hurts.

I would if I had any reason to

Any motivation.

But there's none so what's the point?

I go to sleep again

___________________________________

I wake up in my room feeling lighter than yesterday, but not completely light. I look at the date on my phone, it's Wednesday, 5:00pm. My eyes go wide, but my mouth forms a thin line. I slept through 2 days straight and I have to go to work. I jump from my bed. Once i get ready I grab my stuff from the table and run out the door.

The customers are rude again. I'm not surprised anymore, I call my manager and continue the sad routine of working in retail.

________________________

It was normal day, long, but still normal. I was cooking pasta for dinner, something simple that i didn't need energy for.

Nothing significant happenned today, but i still find myself In my kitchen, tears dripping from my eyes, one by one, and sobs wrecking body, making me tremble. I was swaying back and forth, barely focusing on my pasta as my thoughts started consuming me.

You're useless. Absolutely pathetic. Nothing even happened and you're crying? Man, that's weak.

"Stop it, please" I cover my ears, more tears falling to the ground. The silence is deafening. The thoughts get louder.

How long have you been feeling this way? Years. Admit it, You're broken! We could make a list of all the rea-

"SHUT UP, DAMN IT!" I say to my own head. The tears are falling more quickly now, my sight becomes more of a blur. I'm used to it now; as I wipe some of my tears from my face I head to the bathroom.

I look at the mirror, letting the water run through my hands. My hair is up in a messy bun. My face swollen and red from all the crying, with tear tracks all over.

I lean down and wash my face.

_________________________________

After I'm done preparing the pasta, I serve a small amount and store the rest inside the fridge.

Staring at my food, I start poking at it with my fork.

"I'm not hungry anymore."

I start eating.

After I finish, I figure I should wash the dishes while I'm still feeling productive.

________________________

I leave work early today. My manager told me I was very unfocused and Spacey today and I kept making the same mistakes without noticing. More customers left, being angry at me and disrespectful to everybody else.

At my other job, one of my coworkers told me I seemed down. I barely recall them saying

"Hey Elle, take it easy. You're hanging your head and dragging your feet. Have you been sleeping okay? It's been at least three weeks since I saw you speaking to someone, let alone smiling."

I shake them off saying I was just stressed, but a couple of hours later my little sister told me I should see a psychiatrist. That I deserved better. I only listened to the first half, couldn't bring myself to believe the other.

______

"And, that's how I ended up here talking with you, Mr. Cardoso."

I am sitting in a chair on a small office. Taking a brief look around the room, i notice there's and organized desk looking toward one of the walls, the chair at it s left. Behind it, on the opposite side, there were some cabinets displaying toys. I figure they're for the children that come to see him.

I turn to look at the man sitting at the desk as he talks to me.

"So what youre saying is, you have an idea of why these people told you to come here, but don't completely agree with it?"

I nod.

"I'm going to have you fill out a couple of papers to give you a proper diagnosis," he hands me a couple of papers and a pen. "Do tell me when you're finished or have any questions."

I look at the questions in front of me, laid out with the questions of the left and, on the right side, the words: never, a few times, sometimes, often and always. I begin answering the questions.

The questions below ask about anxiety and worrying.

In the last 6 months, have you experienced any of the following symptoms? If so, how often?

I felt that my worry was out of my control- often

I felt restless, agitated, frantic, or tense.- always

I had trouble sleeping - I could not fall or stay asleep, and/or didn't feel well-rested when I woke up.- always

I felt sick to my stomach, like I was going to throw up, or had diarrhea - sometimes

I felt dizzy, my head was spinning, or felt like I was going to faint - a few times

 I was scared that I would lose control, go crazy, or die. -always

In the next set of questions, we will be asking whether you experienced a traumatic event, and how you reacted to it.

How did you experience the traumatic event?

Directly - I was a victim of a traumatic event.

 I witnessed it in person (happening to someone else).

I learned about it happening to a close family member or friend.

I was exposed to it as a result of my job (e.g. paramedic, police officer, fire fighter etc.).

In all of these I notice I don't remember much of my past. I write an 'I don't know' on the side.

I was unable to feel happiness, contentment, joy, or love, or had trouble connecting with people.- agree

There were questions about my mood, emotions, behavior. Even some about drugs, a big no from me.

I finished the questions.

We moved on.

________________________

When I get home I reflect on the appointment I had with the psychiatrist, Mr. Cardoso.

He said he would prefer if I saw a therapist at least once or twice a week, since I had nothing to lose, except for, well, pride, the walls you'd built, and time you could be working, you know, the usual, I said yes.

I look at the cellphone that's on my hands. After a few minutes, I dial the number to the psychiatric hospital. I hear the voice on the other line start spaeking.

"Hello, you have reached wellhealth hospital. How may I help you today?"

"Um" I hesitate. "Hello, I'd like to file an appointment with a therapist?"

"Do you have an insurance? Please give me your full name."

"I just applied for one and got the card. My full name is Elle Cook"

"Alright then. Would you prefer to come on next Monday at 10:30am or Wednesday 5:00pm?" The secretary said in a bored yet polite manner.

"Monday. 10 am. Who is the appointment with?"

"Your appointment is with Ms. Laura. Please come early to fill the necessary documents and show proof of your insurance."

"Will do. Thank you for your time. Have a nice day." After I hear their answer I hang up.

Sighing, I move from my comfy couch to my bathroom. I don't have enough energy for a skin care routine, so I just was my face and teeth, then change into my panda onesie and head to bed.

__________________________________

Special thanks for @thelogicalloganipus @fangirltothefullest @sanders-trash-4ever @pornhubsvt And @asofterfan for helping me with this chapter/giving me feedback!!

Don't know when the next update will be

You are here | Chapter 2

[gr8k877]

I had a lovely positive post planned. And then my laptop shit the bed, so now I'm agrily thumbing this update on my phone. Grrrrrrr. Anyway....things I accomplished today...I emailed 5 potential therapist! I found them through the psychology today website, they take my insurance, and their profiles match my needs. I'll wait until tomorrow to see who I hear back from, then set an appointment. I scheduled the actual appointment with my regular doctor...Wednesday morning and that'll be done. I cooked a healthy dinner, then we all went for a walk AND I cleaned the after dinner mess. I know my worth doesn't depend on my accompliments, but the virtuous cycle is as real as the downward spiral, and it feels good to be on a more upward trajectory.

Speaking of, I feel almost certain that this good streak will end again...I will overeat and skip work to sleep and let the house be a wreck and hate life and everyone I know. But I'm trying to appreciate the good stretches for themselves. I am trying not to think of it as "This is the time I change my life forever. I'll eatbwell forever, I'll lose 100 lbs, I'll cook and keep up with chores everyday, I'll write and read and cross stitch and do duolingo and all the other things that bring me joy instead of playing games on my phone for hours. And maybe I will...But I probably won't, so I'm trying to realize that a good month is better than a bad month, even if a month is all I'm capable of.