#and I don’t like self diagnosing
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sometimes I think I’m schizophrenic
#I don’t like it#and I don’t like self diagnosing#and there is so much stigma#and I don’t want to tell anyone in my life#but#there can only be so many hallucinations#and thoughts#and speaking to higher powers#and coincidences#and not understanding what I’m thinking#and talking to my concience#and getting stuck in my own head#and believe me#i know it’s not true#but in the moment#i see the numbers and it all makes sense to me#and I’m scared#because I’m not in therapy anymore#and it’s all just getting worse#and I don’t want to loose myself
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me: *reads over symptoms of autism once again* “see but i don’t get upset over changes in routine, we change the routine all the time and i’m totally okay with it!”
also me since i was a kid: *gets irritated, stressed, angry, aggravated, and depressed for the rest of the day after something is switched to another day* *gets angry, stressed, and depressed, and has a breakdown when i find out we have to cancel plans, even if i didn’t really wanna go to wherever we were planning to go* *gets aggravated and is easily upset and is depressed the whole day after i get to cancel something that i had been planning for but also are relieved that i don’t have to go since i really didn’t want to* *is depressed, angry, irritated, and stressed after we cancel plans that i had zero feelings for up until that point* etc.
#i literally would cry my eyes out#be in a mood all day#& feel entirely off whenever plans changed like that all the damn time & still do that#i really need to take a look at my whole life before i say i don’t experience something cus i literally JUST figured this out this mornin#autisticrhys#actually autistic#autism#autism spectrum disorder#autistic#autistic culture#autistic spectrum#autistic community#autistic experiences#autistic things#being autistic#undiagnosed autistic#self diagnosed autism#self diagnosed autistic#autism symptoms#autistic traits#autism traits
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I beg people in the MW to think very carefully when they talk about mental illness and physical disability cause it’s not as straight forward and easy to diagnose/depict as you think…
#it’s less I hate the analysis more so the way people talk about these real mental disorders in really demonizing ways#like there aren’t people who leads normal lives#and are well adjusted with these disorders like only people like them can do shit Jimmy does and it’s in a really fear mongering way like#please be careful with how you handle those subject matter not every bad character needs a reason why some people are just like Jimmy no#no clear diagnosis or if ur gonna pick something you don’t need to be on the apd spectrum to be narcissistic it’s just like I wish people#would understand that like people like him just exist he would not be diagnosed as either in like a clinical setting cause it’s more than#just hitting the boxes plus like it’s stated that Jimmy still choice to do what he was doing#like a big thing with sort of violent apd personalities is they don’t show any regret or remorse at all for these actions and he does it’s#born from self preservation but to this extent to classify he’d have to still not feel anything like it’s just a touchy thing and we are#bordering on the same fear mongering people had about schizophrenia or bpd#like I just feel like he def has something but it’s not named or define for a reason like he practically fits everything and it’s likely i#intentional so you can give him that excuse but it’s likely he’s just like that like some people are cruel with no sort of neurosis like hes#def delusional but sociopaths and psychopaths tend to have a better grip on reality than he does#did and more factors point to himself than anything going on in his head#this is just the psych in me but pls be super careful with how you discuss mental illnesses cause it’s still his choice to do the things he#mouthwashing
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sorry the caffeine got to me guys
#object shows#object show community#bfdi#my art#four bfb#leafy bfb#bfdi leafy#book bfb#bfdi book#ice cube bfb#bfdi ice cube#they all have bpd#JUST LIEK ME!!!! well ALMOST cause I’m not diagnosed#but I’m 90% sure#I match the criteria and I’ve done a lot of research#but I don’t wanna self diagnose#cause I’m scared I’ll get hated or something#but I know damn well im neurodivergent 🔥🔥#just gotta wait to get therapy and a diagnosis#I hope I don’t sound like I want attention either I promise I’m not seeking attention#how did I go from bfdi to mental disorder diagnosis#whatever
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youtube
Today for story time we have Raymond’s Fucking Letter (with voiceover)
Lets listen to him beg for his life
#the mortuary assistant#raymond delver#normalposting#FUCK. ME. DUDE.#unreal. this guy is absolutely bonkers#ouuuuuu don’t be meanies to me rebeccaaaaa 🥺🥺🥺🥺#ILL KILL YOU I SWEAR TO GOD ILL KILL YOU#LEAVE RRBECCA ALONE SHE DOESNT DESERVE YOUR STUPID SHITTY PATHETIC ASS#yappa face#but like I kinda do tho so hmu cutiepie my little baby boy my pookiewookie bear#self diagnosed sad old man#Youtube
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The more I look into OCD the more I’m like hahaha… oh shit…
I never knew that feeling a constant overwhelming need for love ones to validate that you’re not a bad person is a sign of OCD…
#ramblings#personal#bruh what the hell#again I don’t feel comfortable self diagnosing#especially since OCD is very complex#but the more I think about it the more my thoughts don’t just feel like every day thoughts#but intrusive ones I can’t get rid of#and the idea that obsessively thinking about my own behavior is out of my control is very liberating
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me, back on google for the millionth time after being myself a little too much for a little too long and being told my mannerisms are a little too peculiar
#google is sick of my shit#i’ve been falling down that rabbit hole on and off since i was 15#i’ve taken 12 creditable autism self-assessments and got an average of 77%#but i don’t wanna self diagnose#like it would explain some things sure#a lot of things actually#but don’t think i need a diagnosis for being a little odd#idk#i’ve always wanted to feel understood and i feel understood by my autistic friends more than anyone else#but i don’t know if that’s worth seeing a psychiatrist over yknow?
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Yes, I threw fits when I was a kid.
No, I wasn’t in control.
No, you shouldn’t judge me for it.
Yes, I am aware you think I had the choice.
But surely you understand I didn’t really have one?
Surly you understand I was struggling?
That I’m still struggling?
That I always will be?
#neurodivergent#adhd#actually adhd#ocd#childhood memories#sorta vent in tags vv#I’m still dealing with the social consequences of that time period. People’s attitude towards me after those years#really damaged my mental health. Sometimes I think I’m not enough.#That my problems aren’t enough to say I was struggling. Then I look back… and yeah I can tell I was struggling#Idk wtf was going on because my adhd and ocd probably didn’t cause that. But I don’t show enough signs of autism to even#consider being diagnosed. Sometimes I wonder if I actually was in control. There was no trauma. No serious issues. Nothing.#Because I was running around like a maniac whenever I got upset. It stopped only after 3rd grade. With the help of a good teacher.#my so called “meltdowns” are probably internal now. I kinda s3lf h@rm and stuff when I don’t get my way now. When I’m seething in self#loathing because of something I did. You know. Normal behavior.#My life is a freaking mess. And it’s nobody’s fault. Except maybe my own? I don’t know. I always forget about that time period. Probably ca#se the teachers gave me a lot of bad memories during it. It wasn’t because of the teachers… but they certainly weren’t helping.#neurospicy#neurosparkly#actually ocd#neurodivergence#neurodiversity#I tell myself i didn’t have the choice though. I was young…#sorry for the vent
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ocd is like a parasite that tricks your body into thinking it’s just another bit of you
so many of my behaviors and anxieties are actually ocd, it’s insane now that I’m actually thinking critically about it
#ocd#text#I recently got officially diagnosed#but I suspected for a while#and the more I read about ocd the more things resonated#now I feel like I don’t know what my actual self is underneath it all
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I say this with the deepest sense of hatred imaginable, fuck this article
#‘read more’ no I don’t think I will#hey google why was this a recommended article. wanna tell me why that is. wanna tell me why you thought I’d like this shit#there’s a difference between an opinion piece and literal ableism lmao fuck you man#this especially hits a nerve for me because I was a quote unquote snobby kid who was really just autistic#yeah hate to break it to you but I wasn’t locking myself in my room everyday and destroying things and screaming because I was bored#it was because I had debilitating anxiety and sensory overload that I didn’t understand or know how to deal with#pretty funny how the ‘snobby’ behavior stopped almost the second I got on meds and learned coping skills. huh. interesting#actually fuck this by the way this makes me so angry I can’t even verbalize it#yes there are kids who are just Being Kids. but ever stop to consider that maybe they’re going through something they can’t verbalize#saying that autistic behaviors are bratty is So fucking damaging. ppl will internalize it and turn that stress towards themselves#meltdowns that would’ve otherwise been outward get internalized and start self destructive behavior#my fucking source? points at myself#and using the term ‘functioning’ also pisses me the hell off#yeah I’m ‘high functioning’ until I’m Not and I can’t talk or move#also Nobody is just handing out autism diagnoses left and right to random kids who are defiant sometimes#my brother in Christ I would like to see a source for that. where’s the proof that this is happening other than rising autism rates#fuck you fuck you and most importantly actually just plain fuck you#I’ve been treated like shit by total strangers because I have selective mutism. that shit is traumatic#I wasn’t fucking Misbehaving when an old fuck starting publically yelling at me and berating me because I didn’t say hi back to him#I wasnt being ‘defiant’ when I could barely leave my fucking room for weeks afterwards and had panic attacks every fucking day#why the fuck would anyone let this article be published#tw ableism#so sorry for not being ladylike! it’s not the Victorian era you dipshit! I’m not trying to be rude I am autistic#but apparently autism doesn’t work like that so oh ok I guess I’m just a bad person. thanks for confirming my suspicions
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Every time one of y’all say Phil is Autistic, I lose another five years of my life.
#iM nOt diAgNoSiNg HiM#but like you are#it’s horrendous enough people self diagnosis#but now y’all are guessing whether a curiated personality that we have momentary glimpses of gives you the right to even consider a#diagnosis as severe as autism#the tiktok and tumblification of Autism angers me every single time I see it#send hate all you want but I can say with full confidence 90% of self diagnosed autism really have just some combination of social anxiety#and adhd mixed with introvertedness#or just plain social anxiety#the amount of times I’ve seen people online describe their symptoms and it’s legit the criteria for social anxiety#if you don’t know why I feel so strong about it#my brother was actually autistic like for realizes#as in he didn’t talk as a kid and I’m not sure if I’ll have to care for him when my parents die#and it’s half the reason I’m#or was and still partly super fucked up#this kind of shit is for twitter#rae’s rambles#dan and phil
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i will not self diagnose but i like definitely have adhd probably maybe basically yeah
#i’m listening to this audio book#your brains not broken#and it’s like yeah that’s me#but i don’t want to bring it up in therapy i don’t want to self diagnose what if im crazy#i don’t want medication anyways so is there even a point
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Drew these in the middle of a panic attack 2-ish weeks ago.
I thought the stark contrast between feeling watched and hating on Usher was really funny looking back on it
#i hate it so much#why tf do I feel like a burden for venting#I really need help but idk where to ask for it without feeling like I’m weighing the other person down#also on a semi-related note#I’m starting to believe I may have BPD#but I don’t wanna go and self diagnose#I’m gonna have my first therapy appointment since I was 9 NEXT WEEK Y’ALL‼️#so maybe then I’ll figure it out#unicorn wars#hispanic artist#art#enojadita von fluffyboots#unicorn wars oc#artists on tumblr#unicorn wars movie#whiteboardfox#whiteboard fox#sorry for the slight vent
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everyday i say and do something more autistic than the last
#me crushing the babybel wax and being amazed that my coworker does not LIKE to crush the wax but thats the most fun part!!!! the feeling!!!#or needing to have something in front of me at all times if im sitting at a table#need to have my hands busy or draw or something because then i can direct that energy somewhere and relax#self diagnosing has alwahs been weird to me bcuz i never wanna take credibility or pretend like i know what its Like to have something if a#professional hasn’t told me#but sometimes i do things that feel slightly like adhd or autism and i dont want to label myself but i at least. have tendencies#i don’t feel like i identify with everything and i dont think i have full fledged adhd or whatever#i think years of ed have shot my memory in all honesty#but in the end it does not matter
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So uh
#🐚#art#vent art#?#I’m not sure#is this what yall call alters#please tell me I’m honestly really confused#hosts? I don’t know#sorry if this sounds like I’m self diagnosing#it just really confused me
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I’ve had this gut feeling for years that I have repressed childhood memories because something bad happened to me, and idk what to do with it
#the pieces add up and i don’t like it#like. there are probably alternative explanations. but i saw a video about the symptoms of [undisclosed childhood trauma] and i had most#but i also don’t want to like self diagnose trauma bc that’s fucking weird. im probably just freaking out over nothing#the amount of times ive searched ‘how to recover repressed memories’ is insane#this is ocd
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