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sylvesterbarzey · 8 years ago

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Just for you guys here is my Novella (unedited) called "Rush" You ever just wish you could go back and slap yourself? Like a fully open hand, slap the shit out yourself? I got a few moments in my life when a nice slap would have saved me. It would have saved everyone. That's what's wrong with life. You can forget, avoid it, get high and hide from it, but you can never get a second chance at life. Never. “You pack up the car?” He threw the question out there, but he really didn’t want an answer. Yet, being the good son that I was I gave him one anyway “No, I left everything in the house for the new owners. I don't want them spending all their money at IKEA” I heard Richie laugh as he started making his way into the car. My father looked at me and then smiled for a moment as he stepped in behind the wheel. I got into the car and rested my head back looking at Richie, the front seat was filled with bags, I think that was just dad’s ways of keeping Richie in the back seat with me, my dad is slick like that. Richie is the type that likes to play car games or talk to you to make sure you don’t go to sleep. He’s mostly worried the car would flip over and you’ll die. Maybe I should fill you in on a few things before I continue; the man behind the wheel is my dad, Sam, and the man-child next to me is Richie, together we’re all trying to move past the death of my mother, Kim. My mother died in a car crash a few year back. She and Richie were coming home late from one of his wrestling matches; Richie swears that mom fell asleep but the truth is she got side swiped by a drunk driver. She didn’t even see it coming. I call Richie a man child not to be mean, but that’s what he is, he’s my older brother that I have to look after. The doctors say he’s lucky to be alive, but that he’ll never live a normal life again, and that he's always going to have the nightmares and the pain down his back. At night we hear him screaming ‘Mom! Mom! It's gonna be okay!’ or crying because his back won’t allow him to sleep. The doctors told us they couldn’t do anything for him, that he was just going to be that way, and dad wasn’t having that. So he hopped on his computer to find something that could help old Rich out and the next thing we knew, the house was sold, the car was packed and we were on our way to the Colorado mountains, or is it the trees now? My dad researched that weed, or medical marijuana for you politically correct people, could help Rich with his nightmares and the pain in his back, but getting it from the doctors in Texas wasn’t gonna happen. I don’t mind the move, I know most people would miss their friends and what not, but I didn’t really have many back home and. “Tim, you hungry?” I looked up at the back of my dad’s head and then back down at the magazines on my lap, I started flipping through the pages and laughed as I said “I know you are, I can hear your stomach talking” Dad’s hand went over his midsection and he nodded “Where you boys wanna eat?” He asked before I could answer Richie’s hands started pulling at the pages of my wrestling magazine “Champion! Champion!” He shouted and I nodded pushing his hands away. “Yeah, yeah, champion. We get it, you could have been a contender, Rocky” I said causing my dad to roll his eyes “Shut the hell up Tim. There’s a special place for people like you, you know that?” He said and then his head finally turned to look at me “And Rocky was a boxer, not a wrestler” I laughed at his words and leaned forward “Same shit, let's get burgers” I said as he tried to overlook the curse coming from my mouth. My mom wasn’t big on dirty words, but my dad cursed like he was on some life long deployment in the Army. However, now that she’s gone he tries to make it feel like she’s still around by disapproving every other word that comes out of my mouth and watering down his own. “Let’s got to In-N-Out,” I said as I started climbing over the armrest and pushing the bags off the front seat. I looked back at Richie and stuck out my tongue before tossing the wrestling magazine into his lap. He smiled and started flipping through the pages as my dad said the curliest thing he could ever say to me “They don’t have an In-N-Out in colorado” He kept his eyes on the road as he let the words out because he wasn’t man enough to look me in the eyes to say it “No, no, no, no! You said this move was for the better!” I shouted and he laughed as he looked over to me “I’m sure they have something just as good” My hand went over my heart and my jaw dropped, I shook my head and started buckling my seatbelt “I don’t even know who the hell you are anymore” I said and my dad started pulling over to our exit. In-N-Out for you sad souls who haven’t had the opportunity to experience its greatness, is one of the best, no! The best eateries in the world, google it, I’ll wait. Yeah, I told you! We used to go there all the time, mom loved it. She wasn’t much of a cook, so fast food was our thing. If we ever had a homemade dinner it was because Richie was cooking it, and it was something healthy so he made weight, something like skinless boiled chicken breast. I’m getting off topic, this is just another reason why Colorado sucks. If you couldn’t smoke I doubt anyone would move here. I had a burger and frozen custard, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, which dad kept rubbing in as we unloaded the trailer. We drove the essentials over and everything else would be arriving with the movers sometimes this week. I didn’t care about moving because I didn’t have many friends back in Dallas and the ones I did have didn’t know how to act after my mom died. It’s a hard thing to deal with at fifteen, having to watch your friend cry over a closed casket and wheel his brother around everywhere. They stopped inviting me places because I kept lashing out or making jokes like “cool Ipod, my dead mom wanted to get me one just like it” No one laughed, not even me. I mostly stayed home and did what I’m doing now. Lock my door, cry in the corner and smoke a blunt. Welcome To Golden, Colorado Timothy. New state, same old feelings, no matter how far or how fast you run. You can’t outrun your demons, hopefully, I can smoke them away. “Get the gummies.” I said and the dad waved me off with a laugh “They don’t make” He stopped and looked closer at the glass counter and smiled “Well damn, they do make gummies.” He said and the woman behind the counter laughed. She stood there in a white crop top and a long rainbow colored dress, just taking in the show as this 40 something-year-old man was being educated on the wonders of Mary Jane by me. “He’s not gonna smoke it and if you give him a cookie he’s gonna fight you for the whole thing.” I looked over at Richie who was sitting with his hands folded in his lap. I was avoiding eye contact with everyone, no matter how it smelt, no matter how they dressed, he knew a doctor’s office when he entered one. “Like you did with the Oreos!” I shouted and Richie’s head popped up looking side to side “Cookies?” He said softly and I rolled my eyes laughed “No buddy, no cookies today” I said and looked back at my dad. “Yeah but I want to make sure he takes it, he likes cookies.” He said and I patted him on the back “Fine, but when he's got you pinned down in the kitchen like a rag doll, don’t think I’m gonna help you. He outweighs me by 70 lbs” My dad laughed at my words and then looked over at Richie who had stood up tall now, stretching his massive arms out and yawning. He put his left hand on his jaw and then his right on the side of his head and with a quick twist we heard a crack and Richie started laughing. I looked up at dad’s face and he looked at me. We both smiled and said, “We’ll take the gummies!” “I can’t believe they don’t have a shop in Golden.” My dad said as he sat down by Richie “The way the news made it sound, there were shops all over this place.” I laughed at his words and shook his head “Nah, it’s a business. You’re not gonna set up your BMW dealership in bum fuck nowhere and hope the hillbillies have a MasterCard.” I said as I sat down next to him and ran my hands over my face “You go where the customers are. There are way more potheads in Denver than in Golden.” I said softly and he nodded “I guess.” He said then his head turned to me “You sure do know a lot about this stuff. You wanna tell me why that is?” He asked and I leaned back in my seat and smiled “You really wanna know?” I asked and he shook his head “Not really” I laughed and nodded “I thought as much. It’s just an interesting topic, to have a state just legalize weed, and make all this money from it. It’s crazy” My words fell on deaf ears at my dad was just watching Richie walk about the shop, looking at all the different glass pipes and bongs. “How was he last night?” Dad asked without even turning to look at me, I sighed and looked over at Richie, the big man-child that had unknowingly stolen my childhood away from me. I felt guilty looking at it that way, but it was true, most kids my age were hanging with friends, chasing girls and cutting school. I was staying up late waiting for the sound of whimpering and screams to rush in like some superhero to save the day. I loved him and I’m always gonna love him, but part of me hated what that accident did to me. It changed Richie’s life forever and everyone can see that, but no one can see how broken it left me, how much pain I feel. “He wasn’t crying, so I call that a win.” I said and my dad turned to look over at me “How are you holding up?” He asked and I turned my head to the counter “I think the gummies are ready” I said, I could feel my dad’s eyes locked on me, then he got up and softly pat me on my head as he started towards the counter. What could I say? Oh, my night was fine, I got high in my closet and cried over mom’s photo like I do every night. He didn’t want to hear that, he didn’t need to hear that. It was only an hour or so ride back home. We didn’t say much to each other, he reminded me I had school in the morning and I reminded him home school is a real thing. When we pulled into our driveway there were some people waiting at our door. My dad turned killed the engine and sat there looking at them, his head turned to me and I shrugged “Don’t look at me, all the people I know here are in this car” Dad slowly opened the door and started walking towards the people, it was a couple in their 40s, like Dad and their skinny son, who looked about my age. “Hey, Neighbor! We’re the Johnsons! I’m Joseph, This is my wife Mel and my boy JJ” My dad stood there staring at the man with his hand out and then looked at our house, his hands didn’t move from his hips. He just smiled and softly said, “What are you doing here Joseph?” “Dad’s about to put a Longhorn hurting on that fool Richie.” I said with a laugh, Richie laughed and pushed me lightly or what he believed to be lightly and we both hopped out the car and started up towards Dad. “We thought we would come by and bring you some pie. No one answered the door, so we were planning on leaving it on the doorstep” Joseph said as Mel stood there extending the pie with her mittened hands. My dad smiled and took the pie, slowly handing it to me. “Sorry, we’re not used to Neighbors where we come from” Dad said and I followed up with “Our closest neighbor was ten miles down the road and she was crazy” My rolled his eyes “Mrs. Kelly wasn’t crazy” He said, me and Richie started towards the front door and Richie yelled back “She talks to cats!” I laughed but stopped when I saw JJ’s eyes fixed on Richie “You got an eye problem.” I asked and JJ looked over at me “Nah, man. I just..” JJ’s words were cut off by my dad shouting “How about we all go inside and get to know one another.?” The Johnsons were odd or maybe we were, it was kind of like when you’re forced to share a table with someone at a wedding and you try really hard to start up a conversation but you both know you’re only here because you got trapped. Small talk wasn’t our thing and from the looks of it, it wasn’t the Johnson’s thing either, Joseph jumped in with “How you like it here” “Seen The Mountains yet?” Or other random things between bites. I politely excused myself “Well this fun, see you guys later” I said and my Dad shot up “Hey you sure you don’t want to stay and have some more cake?” he asked and I laughed running up the steps “Nah I’m good” I was halfway to freedom when he yelled back “Well you can show JJ your room then” My Dad’s always been a petty son of a bitch, if he was blind I think he would spend the rest of his sightless days time to figure out how to make the rest of the world blind too. I turned on my heels to look down at the bottom of the steps at JJ “Come on” I said softly. We walked into my room and I closed the door behind me. JJ looked around for a moment and pointed at my sleeping bag that sat in the corner “You doing a little indoor camping?” He asked with a laugh and I smiled for a second then shook my head, “Nah, That’s me and your mom’s love shack. Doesn’t look like much but it gets the job done” I said as I folded my arms and locked eyes with him. I waited for him to storm passed me or even curse me out. JJ didn’t look like the fighting type, he was skinny with shaggy hair that more or less covered his eyes. JJ walked up to me and slowly cleared his hair out of his face laughing “Must be lonely at night, she pops her pills and is out by nine” JJ said as he looked around the room. People always insist that making friends is easy, that you just walk up to someone and say ‘hey, you wanna hang out?’ That’s not how the real world works, you have to build up to something like that. You have to feel out a person and see if you two fit within each other’s worlds, you can’t just walk up to someone and ask them to step into your space. Making friends isn’t that easy. JJ looked back at me and softly said, “Hey, you wanna get high?” I turned around slowly and locked the door “Blunt or Bong?” Okay sometimes making friends is way too fucking easy. After that, JJ and I were inseparable. Which was a good thing, nothing is worse than going to a new school and not knowing anyone. JJ showed me around and introduced me to some people, a lot of which gave off the vibe like they didn’t want to be seen with us. I couldn’t really figure out why until JJ and I were caught smoking down by the pool between periods. JJ’s the school pothead, everyone knew him as that clown that’s always high and I quickly started being labeled the same. Dad wasn’t happy about the path I was falling down but he had his own issues to figure out. He needed to find a job and fast. We got a good amount of money after Mom’s death but most of it went into the new house and moving, what was left may or may not let us ride out for a year or so, but it was nothing to fall back on. Dad was an accountant, he was a whiz with numbers, but the market wasn’t looking for that. Every time he opened up his computer he saw opening after opening for growers, something that was pretty far away from the accountant’s suit and tie life that he was used to. Yet, Mom always said people will surprise you. “Hillbillies like it too” He said softly as the car came to a stop at a red light “Like what?” I asked looking out the window, I was doing my best to avoid the verbal ass kicking that was going to come from being suspended for two weeks. “Weed.” he said and then turned his head to look at me “So do soccer moms, CEOs, Teachers. There is a market for it” He said and I laughed looking over at him “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked. My Dad is the son of a farmer, who studied hard got into college and met a history major who liked to get high and party. She knew that wasn’t his thing so she cut back. They got married and made a superstar wrestler and a pot head. I’ve known my dad for 16 years. I know him like the back of my hand, but he said next shocked the hell out of me. “I wanna open a pot shop in Golden. So tell me everything you know about weed” “Why would people want it in their butter?” My dad asked me and Richie pushed the bookcase into place. I took a step back and flexed my muscles “Oh yeah, you see that Rich? All beast right there” Richie looked over at me and laughed as he pinched my arm “Beast? More like pup” He said and walked off into the shop. “Hello! Am I talking to myself?” My Dad asked and I turned around rubbing my arm “If you are, you should ask yourself how much you’re willing to pay for therapy for my body image issues” I heard Richie laughing from the back of the shop. I ran my fingers through my hair and laughed as I said “The butter can be used for baking and cooking. So if you don’t smoke it, you can get it some other way” Dad nodded as he looked over my list of new products to introduce to the shop, he was picking up on everything pretty fast these past few months. I didn’t think he would take it like he did and he was right the people in Golden welcomed the shop with open blunts. Every week was a good week, it’s like he found his calling and me? I always answer when Mary Jane is on the line, I’m more of a teacher and at times a product tester. JJ and I spend hours in the greenhouse just messing with the bud, Dad made his own blend that he calls Rush. It’s a play on the whole Gold Rush era, the shit is yellow and is really only sold to people who are looking to get on cloud nine like right fucking now. It brings a tear to my eyes to see how much he’s grown in such a short time. From a suit and tie paper pusher to getting a high paper roller. People really do surprise you, he took his first hit the other day. I told him ‘you can’t sell something that you’ve never used’ You know the whole be a product of your product crap. He spent three hours looking for his phone, which he hand in his hand as he was face timing Grandma. Then he ate a whole box of Frosted Flakes, Richie and I decided he won’t even get to smoke again. It’s just not for some people. “I got to head back to school.” I said as I snatched my bag off the floor “You need a ride” Dad asked, and I shook my head as I pointed through the glass door at JJ sitting on the hood of his dad’s car. “I’m covered.” I said as my fingers felt the smooth letters on the shop door ‘Rush’ I got to name the shop, it was new and bound to cause problems at first, So I called it ‘Rush’ like that first head rush you get when you burn some good shit. Dad doesn’t get it, he thinks it’s a play on the Gold Rush thing and I guess it could be. “Love you” He called out but I was too cool to answer or too high, it all feels the same sometimes. I mean when you’re jumping in and out of strange clouds, sometimes you can’t tell the difference between flying and falling. “You got it?” JJ asked as my fist came up to bump his “Bitch what you think?” He laughed and pulled open the car door “After you boss” He said softly and I just shook my head as I hopped in the car. The shop has a great career move for Dad and for JJ and I. Weed is big business in Colorado, everyone’s getting high legally, and illegally. See as far ahead of the nation as Colorado is, there’s still some laws regulations to getting high up in these mountains. Laws like: You can’t purchase more than 28 grams at a time You can’t have more than 1ounce (28 grams) in your possession unless you’re a dealer Can’t get high and drive And you have to be 21 to buy and use unless your doctor says otherwise like Richie So as amazing as the business is in Colorado it’s still neglecting a massive market, the 21 and under market. That’s where JJ and I come in, we’ve been helping ourselves to some of Dad’s Golden Rush and bringing Colorado into the modern age. “Dean said he wants to talk to you when we get there.” JJ said as the car started up, my head turned to look at him and I laughed “No!” I said and JJ shook his head “Don’t be like that man. He just wants to make a little cash. His cool” JJ said and I laughed “Was he cool when he was pushing your ass into a locker when I first got here?” I asked, “Man that’s old shit, we good now.” He said and I nodded “Yeah y’all are good because you got something he wants now.” I shook my head and looked out the window watching the mailboxes fly by before I shouted out “That mother fucker wouldn’t even be looking at us if we weren’t selling” JJ laughed and nodded “Yeah you might be right, but if he's around then Katie’s around” JJ said, I felt his eyes scan over me for a reaction, be it an objection or an agreement. For you to get a full understanding of this conversation I got to fill you in about a few things. Dean’s the quarterback of the football team, he’s an all around asshole, has been since the day I met him, but his Dad died last month and I got a soft spot for dead parents. He wants to start selling with us, he says he needs to money for his Mom, but no matter how soft my spot is I can’t get over this feeling in my guy that says stay the fuck away from him. I would never be around his ass except, for one thing, his dating the hottest girl in school and she happens to be our biggest customer. Katie used to buy from some dealer in Denver but we own her over thanks to location, but the more Dean and I fight the less I see Katie, and I got to have something nice to look right? I mean who else am I gonna flirt with? JJ? “The more people that know about this, the more likely we are to get busted.” I said and JJ shook his head “Man, no one is gonna bust us. You know I got it in good with the Sheriff’s daughter” He said and I laughed “What the fuck does that got to do with her Dad? He not gonna lock your ass up because his daughter gave you a hand job once?” I asked and JJ smiled and looked over at me as he tossed up two fingers “Twice and it was heavenly” When we pulled into the parking lot Dean and Katie were waiting for us. I held my book bag tightly in my hand as I pushed open the car door “This is some bullshit JJ. I don’t see why you just won’t drop this” I said and JJ slammed his door behind him “I don’t understand why you just won’t bring him in. Dean’s got a really good idea about..” I cut JJ off and laughed “Wait, you two fuckers going steady now or something? What’s he telling you his master plan for?” JJ shook his head and ignored my questions, as we got closer I heard Katie whisper “Just be nice babe”. “What’s up guys?” JJ said as Dean leaned back on his car “Not shit Smokey, just waiting for you boys” Dean said then looked over at me “What’s up brother? How you been?” He asked and I laughed nodding “The bush’s been burned down Dean, no need to beat around it, what the fuck do you want?” I asked and Katie shook her head “Tim, come on.” she said softly and the sound of her voice pulled my eyes towards her. I want to say I’m above crushes and butterflies and shit, but if I have to be one hundred percent honest, there is nothing hotter than a pretty girl that knows how to roll a blunt. Katie was my dream girl, hot, smart, and stoned but she was wasting her time with this “This Ass Hat only talks that sweet stuff when you’re around or when he wants something.” I laughed as I turned my head to look back at Dean who was turning a nice red as he stood there trying his best to block my words out. A nice cold wind blew through us and caused JJ’s hair to fly back just in time for me to see his blue eyes roll. I looked over at Katie and then at JJ and in that moment I realized how we were all positioned. It was me standing there with my big mouth while the three of them were leaning on Dean’s car. Whether I liked it or not, they had already made up their minds about how this talk was gonna end. They needed me for this business because I was the supplier and they were will to talk me into it, but if I didn’t cross that line with them, well I would be eating the rest of my lunches alone. JJ was my best friend but since we started selling weed he started becoming addicted. Not addicted to weed, because no matter what those damn PSA ads say you can’t get addicted to bud. He was addicted to the attention, the people that knew his name, the ones that were acting like our friends. I kind of liked it too, but if I had to go back to a few months ago when it was just JJ and me, getting high and talking about dumb shit, I would be fine. That small gust of wind let me see for the first time JJ didn’t have the same feelings. I pushed my hands into my pockets with my book bag of weed just hanging over my right shoulder. I stared down at the light white snow that was surrounding my feet. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I said, “What’s this plan you got Dean?” I felt dumb for even thinking about it. I felt weak for even letting the thought impact me. But I didn’t want to be alone again. JJ was right, Dean had a pretty good plan that day. Dean knew a lot of other football players from different schools, due to the games and his summers at NFL camp. Yeah, I had no idea how good Dean was until he said that, it’s like some kind of training camp for football players who want to bring their game to another level during the summer. I’ll admit, I thought it was kind of cool, I wasn’t gonna tell him that. Anyway, through his contacts we grew our little operation from just our school to the high schools and middle schools in 4 counties. Dean would make the rounds every weekend or JJ and I would do it if he needed to be home with his mom. She was falling into a deep depression, the money Dean was making from the business was helping with her meds and buying her nice things, but what she was feeling wasn’t gonna fade away by throwing money at it. I knew that better than anyone, my family and I are still hurting from losing Mom, and there wasn’t any amount of money the insurance company could give us that was gonna pull us out of that hurt. It’s gonna be with us forever, so some weekends we do the rounds to get the money. We split it all I got a little more than JJ and Dean because it was my product, and I was taking the most risk. It wasn’t just kiddie jail for me, my Dad’s shop could get shut down, and he wouldn’t be able to buy anymore, and I don’t even what to know what that would mean for Richie. I don’t think they could stop us from getting his weed but you never know. I know what you thinking, it’s the same thing that Katie asked me the other night when the four of us were just chilling and drinking. “Sooo, why?” She leaned in whispering the question into my ear. I looked over at the back of Dean and JJ’s as they sat on the floor in front of us getting lost in a game of Madden. I turned my head to look her in the eyes as I asked, “Why what?” She smiled and shook her head “Nevermind” She said and I laughed “Nah, why what?” I asked once again and she leaned back onto one of the big pillows on the couch and sipped her beer before looking over at her. “Why are you dealing?” She asked and I laughed a little, it was an awkward one that people normally do when they have no fucking idea what to say. I leaned forward to get my beer off the glass coffee table and took a long sip before I looked back at JJ and Dean. I said my words softly hoping they would avoid their ears “I need a reason?” My eyes went over to Katie and she put her beer down and slide over towards me, filling up the empty space that once kept us apart. She was turned towards me fully with her feet crossed in the seat “Yeah, Dean needs the car. JJ’s always been dealing more or less, but you” She stopped and cleared a bit of hair from in front of her face “I just don’t get you Tim, or why you’re doing all this” I wanted to answer, I wanted to have some kind of deep reason to give her. Something that would pull her into my world and let her know she is more than welcome to stay. I knew there was a reason, but it was one I was avoiding, it was one I knew was only gonna pull out some of the hurt that I was smoking away. My lips parted to push out some cool lie like ‘maybe I’m just a bad boy’ or something to pull out a laugh and break the mood, but it was broken by my phone ringing. I was thankful for the escape, but as I put the phone to my ear that feeling of being thankful faded away fast. “Get home!” My Dad shouted and I laughed “Well hello father, how are you this lovely evening?” I asked in the most smartass tone I could come up with and Katie laughed, and I smiled. “I said, get home Timothy! Now!” I rolled my eyes “I’m spending the night at JJ’s” I said and then my father said something that caused my heart to start racing “No your not! I’m at JJ’s. Get the fuck home now Tim. We need to talk about something” He said and I closed my eyes letting out a big sigh “I’m sorry dad, we went to hang with Dean because of his mom..” Then he said something that causes my heart to stop “I know about the weed, Tim! Get the fuck home now, or I’ll drag your little ass home by your shithead neck” with that statement the phone hung up and I jumped to my feet. “Everything okay?” Katie asked, JJ’s head turned to look at me as he said “You alright man? You look like you just shit yourself” Dean laughed and said “He better not have, my mom is knocked out and I’m not cleaning that shit” My hands ran over my face and I felt the sweat cover my finger tips. “I got to go.” I said rushing towards the door and JJ laughed “Go where? I drove, remember” he said and just screamed out “Shit!” Their eyes were all on me now, Dean shot to his feet “Be easy man, my mom is sleeping” he said and I shook my head “My dad knows man, he knows” I said as I started pacing back and forth, trying to get a hold of everything that was just dropped in my lap. Katie stood up walked over to me, she put her hands on my shoulders and forced me to look into her eyes “Your dad knows what?” She asked but they didn’t need my answer, I just stared at her for a long moment, then her head turned towards JJ. “Sober the fuck up JJ. You two need to get home” Katie said and JJ shook his head “Fuck that, I’m not going anywhere near this mess.” He said I looked at him and then went to push passed Katie “Fuck you say! Get your shit and take me home mother fucker” I shouted and JJ got to his feet “Fuck you man, what the hell you do leave your bag of weed open in your room?” He asked and before I knew it, I was across the room in his face. It wasn’t anger, or hate, or even me being mad. I was scared, I’ve fucked up a lot in my life, but nothing on this level. I Was scared, we were scared and we were attacking each other to avoid the fear. Dean pulled me back and stood between the two of us, he had a good foot and tons of muscle weight on us, so holding us apart wasn’t all that hard for him. “Cut the shit” He said and I just slapped his hand off my chest and started walking towards the door with my hands on my head “I got to go” JJ pulled his keys out his pocket and quickly pushed passed me “Whatever man.” He said as he ran up the steps from the basement. The car ride back home was long and silent, all I could do was run through the shit show I was about to walk into. Would he send me to rehab or boarding school? Nah he can’t afford boarding school, would he call the cops? I was pretty sure he wouldn’t but then again, I had a drug ring that was in 4 counties. I put my hand over my faces as we came to a stop in front of my house “We’re going to jail” I said and JJ looked over at me “You think he's gonna call the cops?” He asked and I said “I don’t know” JJ and I just sat there in the car, neither of us wanting to face the madness that was about to be dropped upon us. “I’m sorry man.” JJ said and I pushed open the car door “I’m sorry too man.” I said then I slammed the door and started towards my house. When I pushed open the door Dad was standing there just staring at me, and Richie was sitting on the steps shaking his head. I was fighting back the tears that were working their way up to my eyes, I looked over at Richie whose head was shaking as he stared at the steps. I looked back at my dad and he folded his arms over his chest “I understand you helped me build all this. I understand that you’re hurting still, I know I am.” He said and I cut him off “I’m sorry dad, I” My dad shook his head “I don’t want your excuses, Tim. I know you smoke, I’ve always known but I look the other way because you’re a good kid. You’re a good kid that got dealt a shitty hand, so I let you escape. Then you do this? How am I gonna overlook this?” I put my hands over my eyes trying to clear away the tears “I’m sorry dad” I said once again and he shook his head “No you’re not sorry you’re grounded! And I want all those weed brownies back in the fucking shop by morning. I don’t care if you have to remake them, or pick them up from your little friends but” My head popped up in disbelief, I just listened to his go on and on about how I needed to get some brownies back in the display case and then my eyes went over to Richie. I laughed and dropped down to my knees “What the fuck you laughing at?” My dad asked and I shook my head and softly let out. “I'll make some tomorrow, Richie and I will pick up the mix from the store” Richie looked over at me from the steps and he softly mouthed 'I’m sorry' and all I could do was smile at him. My heart started to slow down and the tears just mixed with my laughter “I don’t see what the fuck is so funny” My dad said. He didn’t understand, he couldn’t, his life has never been threatened and saved by a pot brownie. It’s a joke that only a select few understand. “Then Mr. Wonderful, he...he” Richie stopped and sighed “He” I looked over at him from the counter and smiled “breath” I said and he nodded, took a deep breath before letting out “He dropped an elbow for the win” I shook my head “I hate Mr. Wonderful, his moves are so lame” Richie picked up a box of weed brownies and walked to the other side of the shop as he shouted “You’re lame!” I laughed as the shop door opened. Dad had me on house arrest more or less, I was allowed to go to school and come back home and work in the shop till closing. So I would grab the weed for the week, take it to school, split it up with the guys for them to sell and then sit and talk wrestling with Richie for the rest of the day, and sell weed. Which I found funny as shit, my punishment for covering for Richie was to sell weed. I didn’t look at the door when the little bell sounded I just said “Welcome to Rush, where you can get as high as you want, for a low price” I heard a laugh and then “Do they make you say that shit, or did you just make it up?” I looked up to see a caramel goddess standing in front of me, she had jet black hair, tight blue jeans that covered a body my little teen mind was not ready for. When she spoke she had a bit of a Mexican accent. I knew it was Mexican because a lot of the girls back home sounded like her, well she had a little more sex appeal but more or less the same. “Nice shop you guys got here.” She said as the thick heels of her boots clicked across the tan wood of the shop. Richie came walking up slowly to grab another box as I said “Thanks, we just opened up last year. Been doing pretty good for ourselves” She took off her sunglasses and leaned in closer to the bookcase with all the glass pipes as she softly said “I know” Then she turned towards us and smiled “Well damn. Hola Papi” She said as she slowly made her way up to the counter, she rested her leather covered elbows on the glass and cupped her face in her hands as she stared at Richie “How you doing?” she asked and Richie smiled looking down at his feet “I’m fine” he said softly and she smiled “That you are” She said and Richie laughed picking up a box off the floor and walking to the back of the shop. Her eyes were fixed on him till he passed through the back door out of her sight “He’s a cutie. He single?” She asked and the thought kind of shook me a bit. “His, umm” I stopped and thought of the best way to put it and then I just gave up and said “He's recovering from an accident. His mentally not all there” The woman’s eyes went back towards the doorway as she said softly “Poor Papi, what happened?” she asked and I sighed as I said, “A drunk driver hit him and my mom head on.” The woman put her hand over her heart and it pulled my eyes to the necklace that hung between her breast. “That shit’s crazy, how’s your mom?” She asked and I looked down at the counter, her hand went out and rested on mine “I’m sorry” She said softly and I nodded “Me too” I said and slowly pulled my hand away. “Richie’s single and might be that way for a while.” I said and she shook her head. “Sexy beast like him, must hurt thinking that and knowing everyone else believes it.” She said and her words just slapped me in the face. I mean Richie had always been a looker, Mom hated the day she got him a cell phone, the thing didn’t stop vibrating, text after text from a different girl. Yet now, I never even thought about what his future would be like, all I thought about was taking care of him, or how annoying he was being, but I never thought about how lonely he must feel. I just came to terms with him living with dad forever, but I never even thought to ask if he was coming to terms with it or if he even saw his future that way. “I just never thought, I mean it would take a hell of a woman to deal with everything he's going through.” I said and she smiled “He might have just met one” She winked before putting her sunglasses back on. “Right!” I said as she turned back towards the door “People will surprise you, Timmy.” She said as she pushed open the door, the bell rang and I just watched her hips move back and forth until she was gone. I shook my head and leaned over picking up a box “She gone?” I heard from the back of the shop and I laughed “Yeah she’s gone Richie, you can come out now” I said and I saw Richie’s head pop out, I started walking towards him “She liked you, she said you were cute” I said and Richie nodded as he took the box from me and walked into the back storage area “I heard” He said, and my smile dropped “You were listening?” I asked and he nodded as he turned to look at me “I’m sorry man, I didn’t mean” He put his hand on my shoulder and just smiled. I felt like shit that he heard, but Richie was a good guy, he always has been. He wasn’t going to hold onto something like that, well I hoped he wasn’t. The shop phone started ringing and I started heading back to the counter as Richie asked, “How she know your name?” I looked over my shoulder at him “What?” I asked and Richie said “She called you Timmy.” I stopped at the counter with my hand on the phone for a moment as he rung and then I looked back at Richie “I don’t know” I said softly and picked up the phone “Thank you for choosing Rush, this is Tim. How can I help you?” I asked the called and all I heard was laughing in the background “Fuck you JJ” I said, JJ and Dean started calling the shop when they needed me because dad took my phone away for the month. It made business harder to conduct but for the most part, I just dropped the weed off and collected my cash, I let them run the day to day. It was like I was the CEO and I was on a mini-vacation, only to be troubled with the big stuff. “Sorry man, it’s just funny when you say it. What are you doing?” JJ asked and I rolled my eyes “I’m making a porno, what the hell do you think I’m doing?” I said and laughed, JJ laughed too and then I heard Dean shout something in the background “Is that Dean?” I asked and JJ said “Yeah, he just made a new connect, someone that can get us into Denver” Denver is the city and due to it having more people, it had more customers and more cops looking for dealers. I didn’t like the idea of growing in the first place, but I was saving a good amount of money for college and my own car, so I really couldn’t complain. “One of his football buddies?” I asked and JJ laughed “Nah man, some chick he sold to last month” I closed my eyes and sighed “Some random chick wants to help us sell weed to high schools in Denver?” I asked slowly as if I were talking to 3 year old who just shit his pants for the sixth time. JJ sighed “Yeah man.” He said and I put my hand over the phone as I sharply whispered “You two know what we’re doing is illegal right? You just can’t trust everyone off the fucking street!” I heard Dean and JJ talking and then Dean came on the phone “Listen, she’s cool. Trust me, have I done you wrong so far?” Dean asked and I softly said “No” Which was true, as much as I hated it Dean’s been right about everything, his dealers, the locations. The kid was made to push product, I tipped my fingers along the glass of the counter and then said, “Fine, How much she want?” Dean laughed “She wants to meet up first to talk about it all before we really dive into anything.” He said and I sighed “Alright, let me know how it goes.” I said. They didn’t say anything for a minute and then I heard whispering “Hello?” I said and Dean came back on the line “Yeah man, well we thought it would be better if we were all there. You’re the only one that knows how much we can and can’t get or what end of the routine to put her on.” He said we built a nice little system where dealers got their product in a rotating order, that way it won’t look like a lot of weed is missing every week and Dad wouldn’t get wise. I laughed “I’m grounded.” I said and Dean said “So sneak out” I heard JJ say “He’s not gonna do that” I sighed and said “I’ll think of something. Pick me up at the park around 9” Then I hung up the phone. “Richie” I called out in my best little brother voice and Richie came up beside me smiling “Remember how you said you owe me?” I asked and Richie’s smile quickly fell “Yeah” Richie told Dad he really wanted to take me out for ice cream. The old man was trying hard to stand his ground, but he couldn’t say no to Richie. We waited on the swing set for Dean and JJ to pull up “What are we doing?” Richie asked and I smiled “We’re just gonna hang with some friends.” I said and Richie nodded, then he looked over at me “So, no ice cream?” He asked and I laughed “That was your lie, not mine.” I said and Richie looked down at the ground. When JJ pulled up I put my hand on the back of Richie’s neck and laughed “We’ll get you some frozen custard after okay?” I said and Richie nodded. As we walked towards the car I felt a cold wind blew passed us and Richie stopped. I turned around and looked at him “Come on” I said and Richie just looked at me for a moment and then started walking towards the car. “I didn’t know you were bringing Richie” I heard come from the back seat, I leaned in to see Katie sitting there smiling “He was my only way out the house. What you doing here?” I asked and Dean looked over at me from the driver seat “She’s trying to get high after. Fucking pothead” He said and we laughed. “Shut up.” Katie said as we all loaded up into the car. “I don’t get it, Katie. You smoke just as much weed as me. How am I getting F’s and you’re pulling A’s?” JJ asked and Katie turned her head slowly to look out the window “Because I’m smart and you’re not” She said and JJ nodded “That makes sense” We blasted music, we bullshitted, we laughed. It was the kind of moment Richie hadn’t hand in a long time. He was always around Dad or me but tonight he was around people, people that didn’t care how he spoke or how many times he repeated something. Stoners are the best kind of people in my book, the car came to a stop at an empty parking lot of a YMCA. We got out the car one by one, Richie leaned on the car door talking to Katie about Mr. Wonderful and I walked over to Dean on the other side of the car “She’s running late” I said and Dean looked at his watch “Yeah, give it ten more minutes and then we’ll bail” He said and I nodded “How’s your mom?” I asked and he shrugged then folded his arms over his chest. I could see the cold air pushing from his mouth as he said “She’s as good as she can be, I guess” JJ pointed at the entrance to the parking lot “I think that’s her” He said, we saw the bright headlights of a car, I put my hand up to block out the light and said “Richie get in the car” Richie’s hand went to the car door when we heard “Where you going, Papi?” The lights went off and I didn’t have to wait for the spots to leave my eyes to know who it was. I knew by the sound of her voice, it was that hottie from the shop, the one that had a thing for Richie. When my vision cleared up I could see she wasn’t alone. There were two other black vans parked by her car and some nasty looking dudes standing alongside her, ten of them, all tattooed and big as shit. When I saw their guns I took a step back “Don’t fucking move Timmy” She shouted and I froze, it wasn’t till Dean’s cracked voice spoke up that I noticed there was something bloody at the feet of the hottie. “Mom?” Dean said and in that moment we all knew…. This wasn’t a game anymore. Maria, that’s what they called her. As we speed down the highway I felt like the Devil was a more fitting name. Richie was in the back seat crying and we were all screaming about what needed to be done. I wanted to call the cops or tell my dad, Katie said she agreed but it we weren’t driving. Dean was and he was heading right back to Rush. “If we tell the police..” I started to say before Dean cut me off “If we call the police, she’ll kill my Mom. You heard her Tim.” JJ hadn’t said much since we left, I could see his skin turning whiter as every second started to pass, I think he was in shock. “If we call the cops Dean” Katie did her best to support me but Dean wasn’t having it. “No fucking cops!” He screamed back at the backseat. I put my arm around Richie and did my best to calm him down, the blood, the screaming, and the tears, it was like a flash back to the night Mom died. We never talk about that night, but I put everything together from his screams at night. Richie watched her bleed to death, they were trapped in the car for three hours before anyone found them. She was screaming and all Richie could say was the same thing he said every night ‘it’s gonna be alright’ He screamed that every night and as we pulled up to Rush and the car stopped I just whispered “It’s gonna be alright” But he believed it, I wasn’t sure I believed it. “Let’s just get her the weed and the money and be done with it” Dean said as he pushed open the car door. Katie got out of the car and I quickly followed behind shouting “I’m not doing that! I’m calling the cops.” I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and before I saw my screen light up, I felt a sharp pain on the side of my head and then everything went black. “Shut the fuck up!” Dean’s screaming caused me to snap awake and then the pain from my right eye kept me awake. I went to hold my face but when I couldn’t lift my arms. Through my left eye I could see the rope wrapped around me. My head slowly swung to the side and I could see JJ and Dean running through the shop, tossing over things. I moaned and when I did Katie came over. She put her hands over my face “Oh God, his awake” She said, I pulled back from her touch and closed my eyes and forced out “Richie” My left eye opened and I saw Dean staring at me. JJ had a two bags hanging from his shoulder as he said “I got it, let’s get the fuck out of here” Dean nodded and started rushing towards the door, as he ran passed my eyes fell upon a body in the middle of the floor. Laying there in a pool of blood that covered the shiny tan wood was Richie. Katie leaned over to block my view “I’m so sorry Tim” She said and my eye felt like it was on fire as the tears mixed with the blood. “Katie hurry up!” Dean shouted and then Katie jumped up and ran for the door. It all felt like it was happening in slow motion. It was only a few minutes after they left that I started to smell the smoke and feel the heat. “Richie!” I called out to him, the smoke was quickly filling up the room. I could see the light from the fire taking over the darkness of the room. “Richie!” I screamed out again as the burning smoke heated up my lungs. Then I saw him twist in the blood. He coughed, then he slowly started to get to his feet. I watched him stagger from left to right and then slam into the glass counter top. “Richie!” I screamed and he turned around slowly to face me. There was more blood on him than I’ve ever seen before, no movie or picture online could have prepared me for the crack that was in his skull. The fire started to spread and Richie came and was pulling at the ropes, the blood, and the smoke didn’t make it easy. After a few moments, I just coughed out the words “Just go Richie” I felt his hands drop from the ropes. As his hands fell a large part of the roof came caving in one the counter, shattering it. I thought it was over. Then I felt my feet slowly leave the ground, my body was rising in the air. Richie was picking me and the chair up over his head. He tossed me through the glass window and I passed out on the sidewalk covered in blood, surrounded by little glass puzzle pieces that spelled out Rush. I don’t know how I let it get this far. Maybe I just wanted to feel important, maybe I just wanted to have some control after losing my mom. Whatever it was, at the end of it all, I was just a little brother in trouble and my big brother saved me. Richie saved me for the last time.

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