#always love an excuse to overshare lmao

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[hyaciiintho]

Know the Mun/Blogger !

1. Are you named after anyone? Not my first name, but my middle name is after my Mom and my Grandmother! Noelia-- Mine is just Noël ♡

2. When was the last time you cried? Literally 5 hours ago as of writing this, when watching the ending to A Plague Tale: Requiem hsjkddgf But crying isn't a rare occurrence otherwise, anyways.

3. Do you have kids? Nope, just one fuzzy child in the form of a cat pffft~

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Not really actually... it's rare that I do, now that I think about it. But when I do, then you know I'm annoyed LOL

5. What sports do you play/have you played? I played volleyball a ton growing up, it was my favorite sport. Other than that, the usual stuff was forced on me via gym class when I was in high school. Nothing I particularly enjoyed, aside from swimming and volleyball c':

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people? When people overshare upon first meeting, and even in contrast, when people share nothing but invite you to share. It seems to always end up with the person wanting you to themselves and they tend to get easily jealous when others have your attention. Romantic relationships are hard enough, the pressure of being "tied down" to a single friend? No thanks. And if the excuse is "best friends" well... "Best friends" doesn't equal only friend.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? How about... Scary movies with a happy ending ?? Pffft~ but for real, I love me a good horror film. Anything paranormal related or Zombies, I'm absolutely there. I enjoy a good thriller here and there, but I love a good spooky horror movie !!

8. Any special talents? I do art and play a couple of music instruments, but I tend to pick up on any new ones with just sitting down and playing them by myself-- so I guess that's a pretty special talent!

9. Where were you born? New Jersey !!

10. What are your hobbies? Art, Writing, Photography, Gaming, and I want to get back into Biking ♡

11. Do you have any pets? -Gestures to aforementioned fuzzy child- My baby boy, Apple of my eye, Sun in my sky, Pain in my ass-- My cat, Link LMAO

12. How tall are you? I am a very intimidating, entirely respectable, authority demanding height of... 5'4" c':

13. Fave subject in school? Art & Music classes were always my favorites, but I also enjoyed my English classes in High school specifically!

14. Dream job? I used to want to be a comic/manga artist, but then I changed that to being a character designer for video games. Right now though, I just want anything that lets me create. I'm tired of being tired from catering to other people. I want to write stories. Create characters. Share experiences through media. Just let me create.

15. Eye colour? Brown, kinda on the russet side.

Tagged by: @tenebriism (Thank you bby !!) Tagging: @diademreigned , @atimelesslullaby, @rollinggirlrunahika, and anyone else who'd like to do it, just say I tagged ya~

[tomorrowillbeyou]

orchid and daffodil <3

orchid - what's a song you consider to be perfect?

ok well there's an easy route here which im not going to take not only bc it's the easy route but also i don't think tomorrow i'll be you is a perfect song and that's fine that isn't why i like it.. so i would say if we're defining perfect as "i wouldn't change anything about it" then demolition lovers by mcr because i literally would not change a single thing about it. its like a beautiful journey that i go on where every part of it is so gorgeous + well placed + interesting that i just never get tired of listening to it <3

daffodil - do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

yesss this is going to be long bc im taking it as an excuse to go on abt how cool my sister is. i have a younger sister she is very cool <3 we r similar in appearance i guess? i don't really see it but people have mistaken us for twins even though im 2 years older and everyone always guesses that shes my sister.. she is paler than me and has darker hair and glasses and is also taller. also people always think she's the older brother and im the younger sister 😭😭 we also like similar music and are both autistic and lgbt 👍 and love maths computer science problem solving etc.. we are different in that she's a lot more introverted than me and has way less tolerance for the things that upset both of us.. like we both hate socialising, weird textures + sounds etc but ill put up with it while she just refuses and leaves which i honestly respect that she has the backbone to do that lmao. also she's way funnier than me and has more friends. one time she created an like.. mini twitter community for herself, there was like. her account a hater account a leaks account and an account that supported everything she did and she would like make them fight with each other it was honestly so funny😭😭 also she's a gamer which i simply am not. and we like to hit each other with sticks in the middle of the street. anyway i way overshared here but i love her a lot. i pray she never sees this lmfao

[hard-core-super-star]

It's definitely better to ignore the sad part and keep walking without creating panic.

I love how you just gave me the entire backstory and now that I remember that the person looked you dead in the eye and just said “rubixcube” gets me hard, it's just really funny in my head- shortening to rubix makes this sound really cool, I don't know how to explain it, but I wonder how the “cube” part must be feeling about being left after being together for so long, poor thing.

About the artists you gravitate to: I see that the ones you mentioned are on the playlist and it kind of makes sense since they leave room for interpretation, you can take so many inspirations from their songs.

And being technically right is fine with me lmao. Not you just throwing it out there that you've already written five paragraphs of part 2... I already can't breathe anymore because this one left me feeling so many things. Vampire Kate is just-

I'm casually trying to answer some things together in this ask because otherwise we would have more than two separate conversations...😶

– 🌟

it's kind of ironic that i use rubix to not give away too much information about myself and yet i overshare instantly the second someone shows interest lmao. [once again, not a complaint at all just something i find funny] i’m glad my silly high school memory brings you some joy, sharing the story definitely made me smile. and, honestly, considering i’m still rubixcube everywhere else, i don't think the “cube” part feels too neglected. [at least i hope so lmao]

i’m glad you understand why i get so much inspiration from the music i listen to and don't think it's boring that i always use song lyrics instead of trying to come up with more “original” titles.

and, excuse me but you better finish that last sentence about vampire kate 👀 but in all seriousness, i’m very happy to hear you liked vampire, i’ve never written anything like it before but i had a great time. [even though it took me forever to finish]

[jaehwany]

Tag game!

I was tagged by @baek1nho, thank u sara!! 🥰️

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? black & gold. it’s one of those tangle teezers!

2. Name a food you never eat. i don’t like mushrooms, capsicums, raw onions. it’s not that i can’t eat them but i’ll usually pick them out of my food if they come with

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? the weather here can get unbearably humid but it’s been pretty consistent recently so too cold, i think

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? eating lunch

5. What’s your favorite candy bar? not much of a candy bar person but you can never go wrong with kit kat and kinder bueno

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? yes, a baseball game! long ago when i did my exchange in busan

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? i asked my mum how her lunch was

8. What is your favourite ice cream? cookies & cream

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? water

10. Do you like your wallet? yes! i’ve been using it for 2 years now

11. What is the last thing you ate? indian food!

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nah i’m trying not to buy clothes impulsively especially bc there’s nowhere to wear them to these days

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? i don’t watch sports

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? mixed, but i prefer sweet over salty

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my friend @mmesutozill who probably won’t see this bc she doesn’t check her mentions 😤

16. Ever been camping? don’t think so. only school camps lmao

17. Do you take vitamins? no, but i probably should

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? nope

19. Do you have a tan? how to get one when you never go out

20. Do you prefer chinese or pizza? pizzaaaa

21. Do you drink your soda through a straw? sometimes

22. What color socks do you usually wear? always printed with designs, and usually hidden socks

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? hah, can’t drive

24. What terrifies you? my family getting older

25. Look to your left, what do you see? my dad on his ipad lol

26. What chore do you hate most? cleaning my room

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? this is a very specific reference but bc we’re working with him so much currently for a project, i think of this filipino youtuber called bogart the explorer lmao

28. What’s your favorite soda? i haven’t drunk soda for agesss, i only really drink milk tea and unsweetened green tea besides water

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? um neither, delivery all the way

30. What’s your favorite number? i don’t have one!

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? probably my dad over lunch

32. Favorite meat? beef i think

33. Last song you listened to? "can’t translate” by billkin from the itsay ost (going thru it, i guess)

34. Last book you read? this really cute chick lit novel called “you deserve each other” by sarah hogle

35. Favorite day of the week? fridays! god just the potential of a full weekend doing nothing. what a thrill

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? nope

37. How do you like your coffee? i don’t like coffee

38. Favorite pair of shoes? a pair of steve madden mules i’ve worn to death and the inner lining’s detached lol (once you wear mules, no other footwear can compare!! they’re so comfortable and convenient)

39. Time you normally get up? if i’m going into the office then around 8.30-9am but on days i’m wfh then... 10.30-11am but SHHHH

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets

41. How many blankets on your bed? just one but i always need to be covered up to my neck when i sleep lmao

42. Describe your kitchen plates. white

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment. it’s there

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? beer and moscato

45. Do you play cards? only during chinese new year!

46. What color is your car? don’t own one

47. Can you change a tire? not at all

48. Your favorite state or province? i don’t have one. where i’m from, our city, state & province are all one and the same bc we tiny tiny

49. Favorite job you’ve had? probably my current one! i get to work with comedy content :D

not sure who hasn’t done this so i’ll tag some people i’d like to get to know better! @itoldsunset @bright-vachirawit @gimme-a-chocolate @shinjaeha @winar (pls don’t feel obligated to do this, i know the qns can be personal!! <3)

[cat-arsenal]

im shaking the can

🔫 talk about lasko (please and thank you)

(Shall I tag you in the post(s) that will definitely be made after I have absorbed the audios I missed (mostly one of them?))

The irony of the struggle of loving a character who I see a lot of myself in is not lost on me! Traits I find endearing in fictional characters and other people I find annoying in myself so I'm working on that!

Lasko as a dude is so genuine--as, indeed, are all the DAMN Bois (eventually. Gavin)--and that's important to me. Babe has no filter, though, bless him, he tries. Darling, precious, beautiful chatterbox who knows things and wants to share those things with people and wants to know what other people know. He rambles and overshares and he's a little nosy but not in gossipy way, he just wants to know!

Had some bad childhood that probably made him even more of a gentle and caring person who sticks his neck out for strangers. Loves his friends! So much! Loves DnD and has far too many characters and dice (same).

(Certainly projecting-->) Autistic, ADHD, a little OCD and plenty of anxiety, imposter syndrome, insomnia, cold hands, Bad Posture, Some Kind of Gender.

I’m obsessed with the way any time something horny is brought up he’s scandalized at first, thinks about it for a moment, and then is like “yeah let’s do it.” He’s characterized, in an out-of-universe, as shy, but he also goes for it, you know? He can be so sly so suddenly and it always takes my breath away. Examples: 1) The fully-canonical first time he meets you, asks “which 7-Eleven?”, and then says he’s gonna go somewhere because he’s “thirsty.” Excuse me? Whore (Affectionate). 2) The end of his confession audio where he suggests you keep kissing him to help him stop swearing. Sir? Sir.

(Incoming Thirst)

His laugh? Heavenly. His whines? Immaculate. I feel like the amount that I’m into Lasko says Pretty Much Everything about me lmao like it’s a little embarrassing. I like the other dudes but fuck, man. IRL I’m Severely Asexual but this silly imaginary wind boy fucks me UP and I wanna give him the world. All the worlds. The horny and non-horny. I wanna give this man kisses and dinners and snuggles and vibrators and new ties and hugs and a place to rest, you know? I dunno. This is kind of incoherent but there you have it! There’s always more. The depths of my love for Lasko uhhh just keep goin’ but I am So Tired

[chrisevansluv]

Jenny said that Chris was not affectionate enough. She was so upset about this. In her book she said that she deserves to be loved and touched. That she wanted someone that hugged her from behind while she’s doing the dishes. (I mean had she actually stayed with her husband who did that but it’s whatever lol…). That was so obviously about Chris and I think she purposely made it obvious that it was about him. I actually felt a bit sad for her when I read that entire part. She really thought this man was Prince Charming (but that’s not really his fault idk?)

I always wondered if Jenny ever realised that Chris might’ve known that their relationship was problematic and kept a bit of a distance besides sex. He also didn’t like it much that she stayed at his house so she stayed at her parents house alot while in Boston. She seemed so oblivious about this whole thing (idk if that’s really supposed to be endearing or not). From what she described it seems to me that Chris was a little uncomfortable with the relationship because he is a touchy guy we’ve seen that lmao.

And altho I agree with her, everyone deserves to be loved and touched but I definitely think from reading all the parts about him, she put that man on a pedestal and got mad when he didn’t turn what she thought he was. Kind of like a halo-effect, in the beginning she was always describing his looks and saying he’s perfect, and then in the end she was so freaking disgruntled like the other anon said. (In a way understandable because he broke up with her, I’ll give her that). She did overshare tho, she actually started describing that he had mommy issues & had a complex about his penis. I was like girl, I know you are mad but this is a little petty…

In the end Chris talked about making alot of mistakes in 2016 and that makes me think that the man knew his relationship with Jenny was not it. It still doesn’t excuse that he engaged in it knowing that there was a husband involved but atleast he knows it, I guess.

Sorry that it’s so long but I just wanted to get that off my chest. I’m happy that she moved on tho. In 2020 she actually admitted for the first time that she might’ve had a play into it failing instead of dragging him. I think both were at fault here… this “relationship” should’ve never happened in the first place.

Their whole relationship was a mess from beginning to end. Now, I'm not gonna say he didn't love her nor cared about her, but Jenny's expectations towards Chris were too high (enough for her to leave her husband) in comparisson to the reality.

I always thought she was that petty when they broke up, because their situation was "I left everything for you, and you gave nothing in return". Basically because she made the same mistake a lot of fans do: make of Chris this perfect human being with whom it would be perfect to have a relationship with. And she hated to see that she couldn't be more wrong 🤷‍♀️ I sometimes think her petty tweets while in a relationship were attention seeking (not for fans and people tho, but for Chris).

They both were on blame for this, he got in between a marriage and Jenny was the one who should've been loyal. I'm sure they both learned a lot from this and helped them to know what they really wanted and to evolve.

[bitchsexuality]

ok i feel really bad because i’ve been getting asks and stuff but i never answer them so i think i owe y’all an explanation or something

mostly because a while ago i answered (almost) every ask i got and i don’t want ppl to think i’m like, ignoring them specifically? or that they made me angry? and that’s not the case at all SO:

essentially i’ve been doing really badly regarding my mental illness + all that shit. like i’m not gonna go into detail here because... well i overshare a LOT. if you’ve been following me for a while u know that. but what i’m going through right now is not something i want to talk about on my Hellsite Blog for a lot of reasons so i’m just gonna say that it’s very very VERY bad

if you’ve noticed that i don’t use tumblr often anymore this is why. like my relationship with the Hellsite has always been a bit complicated but right now i genuinely don’t think i can use it often because i KNOW that i’m gonna run into some bullshit at some point and i really don’t have the energy to deal with that. ESPECIALLY if it’s biphobic bullshit. which it usually is.

ANYWAY this post is kind of all over the place now fgnkj what i’m trying to say is that i’m not answering stuff or engaging w/ people because i feel like shit luvs! i made this post a while ago where i asked people to. uh. not ask me for advice

so add “or literally anything else because i literally can Not answer anything right now” to that

there are TWO exceptions to this:

- asking me to reblog donation/signal boost posts and stuff like that (i won’t reply to the ask but i’ll reblog the post when i see the ask)

- letting me know that the OP of something i reblogged is Awful (lmk if you want me to answer that publically or just delete the post. if you don’t say anything i won’t publish your ask just in case)

wow this is long and i’m already out of energy lmao. i just wanted to let y’all know that i’m not ignoring people or anything i’m just Not Good rn. though honestly right now i’m like. WHY am i even making this post. this is not necessary or important. but whatever i already wrote it so i’m publishing it

regarding IMs though i have always been bad at that + i have no excuse aside from “i’m a mess + terrible at Social Stuff” so all i can say there is... i’m SO sorry jkdfgnksjdfgn

anyway i hope y’all are doing well and that life is being good to you. and as always: BISEXUALS I LOVE U 💖

[dudeandduchess]

Hi! Can I request a prompt 17 with Rengoku?

Hey, bby! Hope you like it! 💜✨

I may have gotten a bit carried away bc I was in a playful mood. Which is extremely rare, in and of itself. Lmao.

***

Kyōjurō x F!S/O: “Not the first time someone’s called me that” (NSFW Scenario): 

Warnings: Smut (not all the way, so no penetration), Daddy Kink (?), Very Slight Mention of Sharing (with Daddy Shin)

Kyōjurō kept on lavishing kisses upon (Y/n)’s neck, biting down on her supple skin every so often— as well as leaving numerous love bites in his wake. 

He couldn’t have cared less if everyone saw the evidence of their passionate night together; all because the thought of all the people knowing that she was his made him feel so hot inside.

(Y/n) kept running her fingers through her lover’s hair, alternating between gentle scratches, as well as light tugs— because the tugging made Kyōjurō moan so deliciously against her skin.

Everytime she did it, his breath would hitch, and he would have to pause for a minute before continuing once more. And if that didn’t make (Y/n) feel powerful, then she didn’t know what did.

But it was only when the Flame Hashira gripped her legs by the backs of her knees, then moved to sling them up on his shoulders that she had to resist the urge to moan out loud.

Because he had aligned his cock against her slit and had begun rubbing it frantically against her— making sure to hit her clit with every thrust.

Her breathing began to come out in unsteady bursts, while her thighs quivered and her toes curled in pleasure. “Kyō- Daddy! Fuck, Daddy! I’m cumming!”

The name she cried out made Kyōjurō’s cock even harder than it already was, and also had him moving even faster against her. Every knock of the underside of his dick against her clit made her entire body quiver, until she felt her muscles go taut as her orgasm coursed through her.

“Daddy!” She sobbed, almost helplessly, while Kyōjurō pressed his lips to hers in a comforting gesture.

Slowly, he coaxed her down from her high, languidly stroking his tongue against hers as he aligned the head of his cock against her sopping entrance.

However, before he could slide himself inside her, she pulled away from their kiss and bit down on her bottom lip.

“Is something wrong, (Y/n)? Do you want to stop?” He was raring to go, and his throbbing erection was evidence of it, but he wanted to put her first. Hell, he would always put her first... before anyone else, and even before himself.

“I... calling you Daddy, is that fine with you? It didn’t weird you out at all?” The young woman asked softly, all while a slight blush tinted the apples of her cheeks.

Kyōjurō smiled at that, then leaned down to peck her lips once more. “Of course not. After all, it’s not the first time someone’s called me that.”

He had said his words without thinking, and he only realized his gaffe when he saw the way her eyes widened— right before they narrowed down into angry slits.

He may as well kissed the rest of his passionate night goodbye with that gaffe.

“Excuse me?” (Y/n) practically hissed, right as the Hashira in her came out and immediately turned the tables on him— so that Rengoku was flat on his back and looking up at a very angry (L/n) (Y/n).

His words of explanation wanted to spill from his mouth, but he knew that it was a lost cause; and that it was better to remain silent, while praying for his own life.

(Y/n) wasn’t even mad because he’d been with another woman, but she was mad because he’d decided to blab about it in the middle of things.

“You dare bring that up now, Kyōjurō? Right as you were about to fuck me?” The young woman seethed at him, almost as if she were rabid with jealousy. “Know what, fuck this. I’m sleeping with Shinjurō tonight.”

Of all the times when he could have overshared, it had to have been at that point. So, he could only sigh in disappointment as he looked down at his still-hard cock, as his lover marched out of the room as naked as the day she was born. “I guess it’s just you and me.”

[pinkfey]

Excuse me I took your quiz VERY nicely, full polite, and I got called out with Henrietta? I mean I enjoy her vibe very much but I also do feel vastly called out. Can you tell me some nice things about her

hi there omg i’m so happy you enjoyed the quiz!!!! yes, i would LOVE to tell you about henrietta, i’m always willing to overshare about my best girl.

so as a lil overview, henrietta is by all standards supposedly the perfect gal. she’s tall, has flawless dark skin, and cropped hair in a curled fifties style—she’s very beautiful. she went to a prominent private school and was raised by her nanny who also tutored her. but all of this was a recipe for perfectionism in her, hence her stubbornness and her ridiculously high standards (dating apps never last long). all her life she’s wanted to fit into this cookie cut lifestyle that seems to be expected of her, and that pressure created this sort of omnipresent tension in her, this feeling that she would never get things “right,” so when she discovered vampires and the supernatural exist, it was almost a relief for her?? it felt like she could finally drop all those preconceived expectations. it made her a thousand times happier. of course, that’s also when all the sexual tension with adam began, and that’s a whole new ballpark for her lmao

here are some fun facts!!!!

her version of UB consists of adam, nat, farah, and mason, with nat being her closest friend.

her favorite color is green!! however, the color she wears the most is light blue and it is absolutely her color

she hasn’t been in a relationship that lasted longer than six months other than bobby. hmmmmm i wonder why

she HATES the smell of cleaning products and has a huge collection of scented candles that one can find littered throughout both her apartment and her office. mason abhors them.

she gives very good massages 👀

she has problems with sleeping, even when she’s overworked :((( she rarely gets more than five hours tops, so she has some pretty dark circles under her eyes.

she’s a sad drunk. she absolutely will knock out on the table whilst lamenting over her life.

she has a Big ol scar on her forearm from when she fell off the monkey bars at a playground and tried to break her fall. it did not go well.

aaaaaand that’s all i have for her right now!!! tysm for asking!!!! she’s still a relatively new detective but she’s such a Cool Girl™️ and i’m rlly excited to think of more for her!! ily and i hope u have a great day <33

[smallblueandloud]

ooooooh i'd love to hear about the fsk twitter au and/or she survives!

YOU HIT ON THE TWO I’M PROBABLY MOST EXCITED ABOUT.

well like. okay i was excited about she survives and now i’m not sure about it so i’m just gonna let it flounder in my wips folder until one day i develop enough confidence to post it lmao.

anyway, the fsk twitter au is literally just an excuse for me to write the wish fulfillment of my dreams, which is queer people being queer and domestic online. i am stalking a lot of people on twitter right now and while i know it’s not healthy to overshare on the internet, and therefore i don’t necessarily think they should, it doesn’t mean that i am not craving it. therefore, fsk are celebrities (as are the rest of the SHIELD people) and they’re poly and out and everything is wonderful. i love them.

i haven’t written a lot of this story but it’s mostly because i haven’t had any ideas about the plot yet. but i’m enjoying just writing like... outsider pov fluff. it’s really healing.

Jemma Simmons (@jsimmons) tweeted: Fitz and Daisy have taken over the living room to watch Amok Time. I’m taking applications for new spouses.

Lance Hunter, Actor (@hunterhunter) retweeted and added: my time has come

daisy “that actor who doesn’t shut up about data harvesting” johnson (@daisyquake) retweeted and added: hey hold on hunter i thought you were gonna go for ME once jemma hit her final straw

Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: stop texting during amok time

Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: anyway, everyone knows @hunterhunter and i are getting married once you two drive me away with your disLIKE OF STAR TREK

also there’s some mackelena in there that i’m really happy about!

Mack (@a.mackenzie) tweeted: I love Elena so much but also this is the third time she’s chosen Manos: The Hands of Fate for movie night

Elena Rodriguez | Seven Cents S2 Streaming On Netflix Now! (@yoyorodriguez) retweeted and added: IT’S A WORK OF ART

Mack (@a.mackenzie) tweeted: [Screenshot of a Wikipedia quote reading “Manos remained obscure until 1993, when the television series Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K), a show based on the premise of comedically mocking B movies, featured the film in an episode, helping it develop a cult reputation as one of the worst films ever made.”] .@yoyorodriguez Babe I’m begging you

(can you tell i don’t use twitter lmao)

and she survives is actually a star wars fic!! featuring wedge antilles and a random rebellion oc!! because i am nothing if not COMMITTED to my terrible ideas.

basically i was just thinking about how leia must be so symbolic, being the princess of a dead planet and the heir of the founder of the rebellion and the sister of the last jedi. and then i thought about how she withstands torture in episode iv, at age NINETEEN, and how she’s always angry all the time and how that must clash with the fact that she’s clearly a leader slash commander, even in the original trilogy (canon can whine all it wants), which means she’d be unable to go and actually physically fight most of the time. she’s too important of a strategic mind and a symbol to go and risk her own life.

and all of those feelings kind of meshed into the headcanon that the rebellion loves leia dearly and wants to protect her, and also they don’t want her to fall into enemy hands again, because she’d withstand torture and come out a martyr and the empire knows it. so instead they’d kill her and therefore kill half of the rebellion’s hope in a single strike. which means. in essence. several rebels have died to make sure leia doesn’t fall into enemy hands again.

i’ve cried about this multiple times if you can’t tell.

so i wrote like 1k of wedge antilles going up to a random rebel and warning them that leia’s personal guard needed to be made up of people who would be willing to die to keep her out of enemy hands and telling them that it was no problem, he understood if they couldn’t do it, but he was going to have to transfer them somewhere else.

i’m having Doubts about this because tbh i’m not sure if leia’s that much of a symbol in the ot? maybe in the st. but also i don’t want to write anything about the st lmao.

ANYWAY i’m still emo about this so i hold the eternal hope that i’ll finally get enough confidence to post this fic. here is a snippet. please validate me.

“No, it’s okay,” you say, remarkably calm for someone who just accepted death. “I can handle it. Keep me on the mission.”

Wedge stares into your eyes. “You’re sure?”

No judgement. Just confirmation.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” you say. “It’s okay. She’s the princess.”

You’re not from Alderaan, but that doesn’t matter. A few days ago you heard someone whisper that the death of Alderaan just untethered Leia from her singular planet, made her everyone’s princess. You kinda like that theory.

Leia Organa is twenty two and people whisper that she walks with the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders. Not just everyone’s hope for defeating the Empire - but for what she’ll do after the Rebellion wins. The one who will rebuild the Republic than most Rebels don’t even remember.

You can do this for her.

[melodystardust]

hello! in celebration of 5,000 followers mostly just an excuse to overshare about myself lmao here’s little bit about me! some of these are questions i got asked and others and ones i just found online and answered. here ya go i guess???

——————

how old are you? i’m almost 17 :)

where do you live? on the east coast of the u.s.

physical description? i have light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and i’m about 5’2

any pets? yes! i have a shih-tzu named sadie and i would die for her

favorite subject in school? english! i want to become an author, so it’s kind of a given i like language best

do you have any siblings? i have a sister named abby who’s a dummy and i love her

favorite animal? uhh i don’t know if i have one, but i love barn owls. pretty much any bird lmao

hobbies? i really love writing and art, and i’m trying to improve on both so i can create my characters for my book :)

fun fact? i’m double jointed in my arms and i freak out my friends all the time with it

are you in a relationship? nope. never had one😎 i’m really lonely ;)

what do you look for in a partner? pretty much just someone who i can do cute romantic shit with and who’ll treat me decently

forest or the beach? the forest!

favorite book series? i absolutely love the percy jackson books and the inheritance cycle

what one thing you love about your personality? i guess i like how empathetic i am. it can be kind of a pain though because i always just want to take away everyone’s suffering and just let them be happy

where would you want to live if given the choice to move anywhere? i’d love to live in a little cottage in the woods and befriend all of the animals and meet a cute witch or a werewolf boy

what kind of music do you listen to? i listen to a lot of different genres of music, but a few of my favorite artists are madeon, petit biscuit, and khai dreams

do you have any favorite shows? yes! i love the dragon prince, hilda, she-ra and the princesses of power, trollhunters, stranger things, and 3below! (just a few of many lmao)

[pumpkinpaix]

I know other have said similar before, but thank you for pfmmpd. My struggles with uni and life in general are rather different than LWJ‘s in your fic, but it’s been rather comforting. So much of uni life in fic, tv, mainstream media is about how it’s the time of your life, happy & carefree and then there I am, ball of misery and anxiety, too scared to see the campus therapist. So, sorry for my rambling and thank you for your wonderful story

hey anon? there’s no need to be sorry ever for rambling about how my writing matters to you. I want to hear it! I want to hear about your experiences!! thank you so much for telling me! I’m the sort of person who tries to relate by sharing things about myself so i get it when other people do it too, really, i promise. it doesn’t matter that someone said something similar already, you’re your own person, and it matters that you said it too

so like, i’m gonna take a second to be the one who’s about to overshare--my mental state absolutely TANKED in college. my sophomore year is nothing but a hazy string of bad memories (warnings for thoughts of death and self-harm, skip the rest of this paragraph if you don’t want to read that), including the night i spent crying uncontrollably in a hallway convinced that i would be dead by the morning, and the night i seriously contemplated breaking my own arm with a wrench, only to be seized with so much panic i called my friend sobbing.

that’s two short examples, but i could go on for literal hours (and I have! to my therapist lmao). the point is, college was not the time of my life. when I finally, FINALLY decided to take a semester off to try and piece myself back together, i felt like a horrible failure because my mom had told me repeatedly, “college is going to be the best time of your life”. and when i told her that, she said, “oh. I almost died when I was in college.” we were even both 19 lol.

here’s the thing: after that half year off, i went back and enjoyed myself. A lot, even! i lived AND prospered bitch!! i didn’t achieve that “time of my life, happy and carefree” fantasy, but i DID find a measure of joy. however, there are people i know, really wonderful amazing people that i love with all my heart, who dropped out and never went back. or dropped out and didn’t go back until their 30s. or stayed in college and absolutely hated it. not one of them did it “wrong”. people are different. circumstances are different. 

i know how frightening it is to try and make an appointment with a campus therapist. the first time i tried, I left so anxious i immediately decided to pick up another class with the thought that, hey, if i JUST PACK MY SCHEDULE i won’t have time to go and that’s my excuse for not making another appointment!!! (spoilers: Bad Call on my part) but i’d urge you to give it a shot, if you think you can muster up the fortitude, even just once. i started seeing one of the counselors regularly after i came back and, while she was not perfect, it was still really really worth it and helpful, if only as a place where i could externally process my emotions. if you can’t, that’s okay!! i get it, i really really do. but because i get it, i also really don’t want to see anyone else ever fucking suffer like i did. i don’t know what your stressors are, anon, if they’re even remotely similar to what mine were, but. college is not how it’s always going to be. (if it’s academic, good enough is good enough. scraping by can be good enough. good enough can get you where you want to go.)

i made this offer to the last anon, and i’ll make it again--if you want to hit up my dms to chat about it, please feel free. same caveats: i can’t promise i’ll be emotionally available all the time, nor can i promise to be enough, but im willing to try, okay?

[igumdrop]

:OO WELCOME EVERYONE!!

okay okay, I know what you guys are thinking -- Jaime, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! HOW CAN YOU MAKE THE SUB-BLOG GO PUBLIC?!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO *THAT* LIST... THE *YOU KNOW WHAT* LIST... 

and my response is... I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never had such a list. 

okay, real talk though, I decided to let my sub-blog go public for multiple reasons: 

♡ no one wants to enter a password that I change constantly

♡ most of what I say I would love to share with my regular viewers who can’t afford to sub, and this is my main source of updating you guys on a more personal basis for those who follow me more on social media and not my stream

♡ I’m incorporating a lot more sub-only things into the community, so I figured I could let one go! 

we’ll see how it goes and if it does start to feel uncomfortable, we can always bring it back :) but there’s little to nothing that I can think of that would make this weird because I don’t overshare that much... I think... HAHA we’ll see

ANYWAYS, REALLY GOOD NEWS! for the past few months I’ve had a little team of subs working on our community Minecraft server! (SO MUCH THANKS TO GOLDEYE, WATTEHMS, MATTY, MAXWELL, BRADLEY, JOSTER <3) I’ll try to log on everyday and just have a habit of keeping it online. I think it’d be cute to be able to log onto something and see everyone in the same world! 

if you’re a sub, please fill out the form that I linked in the discord! it’s also the same form you use to join the gummie gang stream team, and also for me to know what your discord usernames are (a lot of times when you guys message me, your discord username is different from your twitch and I have no idea LOL) there’s also a little response section where you can give me any suggestions you want! (stream ideas, sub emotes, etc) ~ HAVE FUN! 

AND EVEENNNN MORE GOOD NEWS!!!  

WE’LL BE ON FRONT PAGE OF TWITCH THIS THURSDAY!! WEEE!! 

I’ll probably be doing a sit-down cooking stream into a mukbang :) TIME IS TO BE ANNOUNCED BUT IT SHOULD BE AROUND THE TIME FRAME OF 12PM - 2PM OR 2PM - 4PM! I’ll let you guys know as soon as possible on discord. I’ll also be streaming tomorrow/Tuesday and Wednesday so I’ll let you guys know on stream too! 

OK THAT’S IT FOR ANNOUNCEMENTS!~ here are my own personal lil updates

BENJI HAS GROWN SOOO MUCH! okay not gonna lie, he was kinda dying for a bit during the winter, I don’t think he really did well in the cold... his leaves would fall off sometimes and yellow at the ends. I was getting really scared and to be honest I’m so attached to this god damn plant that it was taking a sad mental toll on me. LMFAO. WHY AM I LIKE THIS. anyway, I gave him some fertilizer and stayed consistent with him, watered him whenever I needed to and tried to keep him in warm yet sunny areas of my house. and YAY, SPRING ROLLS AROUND AND HE’S GROWN BIGGER THAN I HAVE EVER SEEN HIM GROW!!! 

before (when I first got him) and now! I’m so proud... only I can write a paragraph raving about my pet plant... jeez it’ll be crazy once I get an actual cat or something... 

there was a really busy week in march where I spent all my leftover time planning Aria’s birthday. it was honestly the cutest thing ever seeing all her friends get together and work on stuff for her. I remember being insanely tired during it but once I saw her reaction for her surprise party, my heart melted and I just told myself wow that was soooo worth it LOL. here’s some pictures from my end <3

we got these GIANT balloons that spelled out ARIA and it took forever to get into the car and out LMAO... excuse my janky no makeup face but it was so funny seeing us struggle so hard with the balloons T_T LOL

we spent hours late at night working on her scrapbook and baking stuff for her. I was working on strawberry cheesecake shoots and I remember cutting 10+ strawberries and thinking, “wow, it would suck if I dropped these,” and then guess what happened... 

I dropped them lmao 

anyways it turned out so wholesome and cute <3 

I found the airbnb on this website called peerspace and when I saw it, it SCREAMED ARIA...

you’re welcome for me blessing your eyes

we seriously worked our *aesthetic* muscle for this because we knew aria would appreciate the heck out of it 

OKAY ANYWAYS MOVING ON!! yesterday I went to h-mart and got a shit ton of groceries. and I realized it’s STRAWBERRY SEASON!!! there’s still a lot of stuff that I want to buy that isn’t available here though, so my mom tries to send me all that she can :D 

I love her so much I miss her so much wahhh I can’t even talk about my parents because I’ll just start crying because I miss them so much ... ok also I was supposed to stream yesterday but I took a nap... and... didn’t... haha... jaimewhatswrongwithyou.exe.... here’s a post-nap selfie though... 

I looked heckin janky but snow saved my ass 

ANYWAY I spent the rest of the night just reading and I finished my monthly book read! here are my two recommendations for you guys :) 

I absolutely love love love this book! it will really help if you’re an overthinker like me. tl;dr, it talks about the inside voice in your head that constantly battles with itself and refers to it as an “annoying roommate.” with consistent reading (a chapter or two before sleeping at night) it really helped me clear my mind and become super aware of how the voice in my head could be more harmful than helfpul. if you’re new to reading it is quite a bit to read though so if you want something easier then I suggest this: 

gosh, my life became so simple when I read this book consistently. it basically shares four simple agreements that you should always be conscious of in life. this book just really helped me not take things as personally, to not make assumptions, and it just gave me a much more simple and clear perspective on things and issues. SUPER SUPER EASY TO READ!!! downfall is, it kinda talks about religion a lot at the end, which might make it uncomfortable for some of you guys. I couldn’t really enjoy the last bits of it that much because of that sole reason but it’s still a great read and taught me lots of fundamentals I never knew I needed for my own mindset :) 

I went to LCS the day before yesterday and it was really fun because I brought a portable cut-out of scarra LMAOOOOOO the thread is really funny so you guys should go read it: https://twitter.com/iGumdrop/status/1114687260434124801

I also did my taxes yesterday (well I finished up what was left of it) during the games LOL and then I went to annie’s place afterwards because her mom is an accountant and she helped me file them. I’m soooo happy I got them over with because I feel so free now! 

hm ok ending these are always hard because it always seem so abrupt, mainly because even my 200 WPM fingers get tired of typing. I guess all I have to say is, hello new readers of my sub-blog, I hope you enjoy your time here! and thank you so much to everybody who supports me. it really means the world to me and I never go one day without insanely appreciating you guys. this month I’ma hit you guys with that dudududuududud GOOD CONTENT! <3

and alas, a few of my favorite cute lil drawings this month from chibird~ 

(+ my community) 

WELL, FAREWELL FRIENDS! TILL NEXT TIME <3 

[whaleyoufeedmenuggets]

Im too lazy to look at the questions so DO ALL OF THEM. (if you dont wanna then go on a random number generator and get 5 random numbers)

ITS REALLY LONG BUT I DID IT KJSHADJS HERE GOES i love oversharing my lifealso im putting a read more line bc its hella long

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

ehhh depends on my mood. i’d say it’s (dark) chocolate most of the time (love that 70% dark chocolate mmMmMm)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy!! except when it gets all over my face and hair o no

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

common report book comments included

- very active

- bright

- “the live wire of the class”

- usually distracted but still does well

- mischievous

- playful

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

bottles so that i can close it and save the rest for later and not have to chug it yeet

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

sportswear #sweatpantsalldayeveryday

7. earbuds or headphones?

def headphones but they’re inconvenient sometimes :/

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows!! (also, my adhd ass can’t get through a movie without zoning out oops)

9. favorite smell in the summer?

i haven’t experienced /real/ summer (thank u singapore’s tropical climate) but i rly like the smell of rain :”)

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

making up excuses to skip pe

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

belvitas before morning practice

croissant sandwich and chocolate milk after practice

if there’s no practice, then scrambled eggs from the dining hall lolol

if i’m too lazy to go to the dining hall, then cereal

12. name of your favorite playlist?

it’s literally called jams and the description is “a clusterfuck of stuff i’ve jammed to at some point”

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

gummy bears/sour patch kids

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

death of a salesman - arthur miller

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

with one foot up on the chair and the other leg sitting normally

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

a pair of asics sneakers

18. ideal weather?

15ºc/60ºf when its like cool but not too cold but also not ridiculously hot and also when theres no insane wind (a light breeze is fine)

19. sleeping position?

on my left side and hugging a pillow/bolster/soft toy

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

i like the feeling of pen and paper but im disorganized as hell so an apple pencil + ipad makes a good enough substitute

21. obsession from childhood?

frogs (i’ve loved them since i was 3 hehe)

22. role model?

a dude i used to train with for a while in 2014. he retired last year but he’s always looked out for me like an older brother since we trained together (he’s 8 years older than me lmao) and even thought i’m so far away rn he still checks in on me and stuff and idk he’s probably one of the swimmers i respect the most.

23. strange habits?

i cant fall asleep at night if im not hugging something.  like. it could be a pillow. or a soft toy. literally anything. once on a school trip i hugged a pair of sweatpants to sleep bc i legit cant fall asleep if im not hugging something.i have no problem falling asleep in class/on buses/cars/planes though.

24. favorite crystal?

idk i never really paid enough attention to crystals to actually have a favorite and know their names. they’re all rly pretty tho.

25. first song you remember hearing?

uhh h h i honestly can’t remember. probably some classical music bc i played the violin and that was my first experience of music that i was actually aware of????

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

switch on the aircon and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch. and swimming outdoors i guess.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

switch on the heater and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch.

do u see a pattern here

28. five songs to describe you?

jet lag - simple plan (bc time zones suck and i miss my fam & friends)

avalanche - bring me the horizon (pretty much sums up how tf my brain feels)

high hopes - p!atd

astronaut - simple plan

the reckless and the brave - all time low

29. best way to bond with you?

doing dumb shit with me

also Quality Time™️ like idk even if we’re chilling and doing our own shit i like just spending time with people im comfortable enough with

30. places that you find sacred?

idk

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

a hoodie and sweatpants

for no reason other than that’s what i wear 90% of the time

32. top five favorite vines?

I AM CONFUSION!!! AMERICA EXPLAIN

this bitch empty. yeet.

im in my mom’s car VROOM VROOM

the one of that dad playing the saxophone (???) and the kid slamming the oven door open and shut

road works ahead “haha yea sure hope it does!”

33. most used phrase in your phone?

either lmao or lolol or LMFAO or yeet

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

gOD i had spotify ads stuck in my head all the time before i switched to premium and now i cant remember any of them (thank god)

35. average time you fall asleep?

i’d say 12:30-1ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

the tROLL FACE MEME LIKE those rage faces idk what they’re called but BASICALLY THOSE 2010-2012 era memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

suitcase!!! i like sitting on them and yeeting myself around on them or getting people to push me around and then falling off

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

ngl i havent had either of them before

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

so in jc2 (aka 12th grade), for some reason PEOPLE WERE PUTTING PRE-PACKAGED HARD BOILED EGGS ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. like they were still in their wrappers and all but u could open ur schoolbag and find like 5 eggs in there. and no one knew where they came from. i think at one point there were even eggs hanging from the pull-up bars. all i know is that they were everywhere and people in my batch still remember it as the egg invasion of acjc.

41. last person you texted?

my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

def jacket!!! especially when they have zips hehe

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

idk man depends on my mood

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi bc im a fricken nerd

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

shirt and sweats

47. favorite type of cheese?

cheddarrr also i like mozzerrella sticks

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

a fineapple B)

lmao jk ummmm maybe a watermelon bc when u hit it it sounds hollow, just like how my skull would sound if someone hit it (h a)

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

here for a good time not for a long time

never give up without a fight

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

idk probably some dumb meme. i laugh at a lot of stuff like i laugh anything even mildly funny. some that i can think of off the top of my head are:

- i was tryna type ducky but typed fucky instead and sOmEOnE (could be the person who submitted this ask, idk tho) changed my facebook messenger nickname to fucky and the notification was like ”poopy butthole changed your nickname to fucky” and i think that’s still the funniest sentence i’ve read in my whole life

- one time we went to mcdonalds and a friend said mcfluffy instead of mcflurry and idk why but i laughed so hard at that

- once @doduo and i spent half a chinese lesson cutting out random faces from the chinese newspaper and sticking them randomly all over the classroom and idk. it was the funniest thing ever. until the teacher came over and confiscated my scissors rip.

51. current stresses?

- an essay draft (that i am procrastinating rn by doing this, oops)

- CANADIAN TRIALS (but thats a good kind of stress)

- submitting a proposal for a group project but none of my groupmates are freaking replying my texts ugh

52. favorite font?

avenir next!! i find san serif fonts way easier to read than serif lolol.i like helvetica neue too.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry af but also i just got my nails done so they pretty rn hehe

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i…havent had a real job yet

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk i was never rly one for fairy tales even as a kid.

56. favorite tradition?

chinese new year when we get CASH and we spend 3 days just eating junk yEET im rly sad im gonna be missing it the next few years tho

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

hh h h hh hhh hh hh they’re pretty personal i don’t /really/ wanna put it out here but i can text you the answer to this if you want (i’m perfectly fine with that!!)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

- i think i’m pretty intuitive!!! i can guess anyone’s mbti if i’ve spent enough time with them/gotten a detailed enough description of them /winks/ and i can read people pretty well in general and i can draw links to themes/symbols in lit pretty well….???

- i’m somewhat decent at lettering��i think

- i’m good at pull-ups and also vertical jumps i’m secretly a froge

- i’m decent at photography…i guess….

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

yeet

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

pokemon !!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

/sweats/ i’m not very good at remembering lines from books/movies/shows WELP

62. seven characters you relate to?

JAKE PERALTA - b99

rosa diaz - b99

linguine - ratatouille (he’s permanently confused and he let a ratto take over his job bc he had no idea what he was doing like damn what a big mood)

dory - finding nemo/finding dory (i relate to the forgetfulness)

percy jackson

kale bae /winks/

mitt (during bad phases) /winks again, but sadly/

63. five songs that would play in your club?

idek man i wouldnt even be at my own club i’d be at home taking a nap i’ll just ask someone else to handle my playlist

64. favorite website from your childhood?

club penguin !!!

65. any permanent scars?

yE one of them was from jumping onto a treadmill going at 13km/h 2 years ago bc i thought i was a good idea

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont have any

67. good luck charms?

i eat pancakes for breakfast on meet days!!!! altho i think this is more of a habit than a good luck charm tbh lmao.

also i guess pip???? he’s my emotional support narwhal :’)

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

durian. i cant stand the stuff or anything flavored like it ugh.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

red food coloring is derived from beetles

70. left or right handed?

right

71. least favorite pattern?

overly-floral patterns i guessssss. also i hate wearing stripes.

72. worst subject?

chinese

besides that, math and physics

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i rly like vanilla ice cream and fries

also i would eat ketchup with nearly anything

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

i usually just suck it up and go to sleep when it comes to pain but i guess an 8??? idk. i usually take advil/ibuprofen only for fevers

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i got my first loose tooth on january 11 2005 and it fell out on january 18 2005 & it was a tuesday (pls don’t ask me how i remember this bc i dont know)

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

tater tots

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

cactus i guess. idk im not good at plants.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

grocery store sushi (it was pretty decent in singapore so yeeeee lmao also i ate a lot of that as a kid)

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

its the same photo for both so yeAh

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

idk i always called them fireflies

82. pc or console?

console I LOVE THE FEEL OF BUTTONS

83. writing or drawing?

drawing (more like doodlign for me bc i cant draw for shit)

84. podcasts or talk radio?

neither but if i rlllllly had to choose then podcasts i guessss s sss

84. barbie or polly pocket?

neither LMAO i gave all my barbies haircuts when i was a kid bc i didnt know what to do with them

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology for sure!! i love greek mythology (may or may not be bc of percy jackson lolol)

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cookies

87. your greatest fear?

losing those i love and care about (could be drifting or actual death it goes both ways)

88. your greatest wish?

rn, for my essay to write itself

for the short-term, to make the olympics (and WUGs…and worlds…and sea games…and asian games…and commonwealth games lmao)

for the long-term, uhhh idk. i just wanna live a life i’m satisfied with and to have a job i actually like and to be able to support my parents

89. who would you put before everyone else?

my mom

90. luckiest mistake?

i always say that i regret doing a year of college in singapore instead of coming here for freshman year but if i’d come in a year earlier like i was supposed to, i proba wouldn’t have made it past swim team tryouts and i made some pretty great friends in my first year of college soooo it all worked out i guessi cant think of any others rn

91. boxes or bags?

bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights are rly pretty!!but i like natural light :”)

93. nicknames?

deb

debs

debo

debbo

alpha childuhh h h i think thats about it??? i cant remember any others

94. favorite season?

spring’s pretty great rni like fall too (before it gets cOLd)

95. favorite app on your phone?

insta/tumblr/telegram

96. desktop background?

a photo of me looking rly cool at the starting blocks before a race B)

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4 - mine (singapore & US), my mom’s and my dad’s

98. favorite historical era?

uhh h h idk the ice age seemed pretty cool haha sike it was actually coldmedieval times seemed pretty cool too like damn i want a suit of armorWHEW I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS but i had fun so yeet

also if you read all the way down here ily and you’re cool

[theoriginalbread]

Venting

TW: domestic violence/abuse, childhood trauma (abuse, neglect, etc.), abandonment, depression, self harm, suicide, PTSD; a whole bag of issues, clearly

⚠️⚠️⚠️ You have been warned! ⚠️⚠️⚠️

Scroll until the colored text to skip!!!

I got really high last night and suddenly got super sad that my entire childhood was robbed from me. I remembered that I used to take care of my baby brother, since he was in his diaper, and he was the best thing in my life at the time. I got to play with my best friend as he grew up and developed skills until he would get to be as smart as, and maybe even smarter than, my older brother and I. I remember feeling so much love for him. I was so excited and that’s about the last real feeling I remember from my childhood. Since then it’s been a slow and steady incline into “maturing” faster than other kids.

I remember how often my mom wouldn’t come and pick me up from school. I would wait and wait in the hot sun on the corner of the school street she instructed me to stay at until she came to get me. She would be there about 60% of the time. Enough for me to get familiar with the route home in case I needed to walk home. I walked home, alone, as a little child, often. And I don’t think I ever felt scared, more like anxious. What would I find out when I get home? Would there be a home? Would my mom be okay? Would my dad be yelling again? If nobody was home, they couldn’t reach me. Some days, I would get home to find no one was home and since I was small, an elementary school child, they wouldn’t give me a key. I would wait outside the house for hours and then cry to my neighbors and ask them if they’d seen my parents leave or if they could help me find them or if they’d let me in. I was ignored by them a lot too. They didn’t want to deal with a crying kid who wasn’t theirs. I never saw the inside of the house they were in because I only ever saw the front door and the window. My mom never scolded me or even acknowledged my feelings. I received no comfort.

I had to start using my brain much more to ignore things around the house and in the family than before. I had to try and keep the act up to not alert anyone that I knew too much. I remember how heartbroken I used to feel when I would see my mom cry and hear my dad yelling. Or how scared I felt when my mom told me if we ever heard them yelling at each other again to just go into the room and put on music real loud. (Trauma based tinnitus anyone? 🤲🏽 Can’t get that fucking ringing out of my ears)

I was confused. I cocked my head at that statement, like a dog, trying to learn new commands. I don’t think I ever got over that exact moment in time. My heart races, miles and miles per hour, at the sound of my parents raising their voices, in jest. In normal conversation. A laugh, through headphones and muffled, sounding too close to a yell and my head starting to spin, my knees lose their strength.

I used to think that I deserved to feel the way I did, at fucking NINE YEARS OLD. I was depressed. I was so horribly depressed I fantasized about dying at school. And I don’t mean intrusive thoughts, I mean genuine fantasy. I would be so lost in fantasy thinking about how much it would mean to people and how sad they would be at my death and that finally they would see that I’m worth their time and affection. So god damn terrible.

That was elementary. Middle school wasn’t any better. In fact it got worse. Yelling matches with my dad almost every other day. I’d pick a fight over everything that I could. I hated him so much. He would always slap me and try and intimidate me, but as stubborn as he made me, I’d never back down. I would double down and yell louder and call him names and watch him break down and cry because he only wanted to be a good father and he hated the way we had become. But I never bought that angle. I hated him so much.

Immediately I’m transported to the night I was on the computer in the living room, laughing and playing with friends. Mom bursts out of the room screaming at the top of her lungs, followed by my father, face so red you’d think he was about to burst. Scream crying her best attempt at a sentence, “he’s going to hit me” and I did not think and I did not take time to listen and immediately put myself between him and her and tried so hard, my one hundred and twenty pound self, against a man, at least a hundred pounds heavier than I, to halt his approach on my mother. My older brother came rushing over to my aid as my younger brother held my mother and backed further and further away while my older and I tried our best to stop my father from moving forward. He didn’t even see us. Whatever the issue, whatever it was that caused him to turn into these fucking demon, he didn’t even acknowledge his own children trying to prevent bloodshed. He was screaming so loud I felt my ears burn after each sentence. He pushed my brother and I aside like rag dolls and yet we both kept pushing him back and harder and at one point I even considered punching him. I’ve never wanted to hit somebody so bad in my life, and that’s On EVERYTHING. I hate violence and he made me want to punch him until his nose broke because of how blind he was.

That’s probably one of the most traumatic days of my entire life, family wise anyway. For months after, he didn’t step foot into our house. He had to fix his shit. Nobody said anything. We just did our best to pick the pieces up and keep moving and helping my mom relax.

For the longest time after, I had problems with my mom. Oh yeah, she’s not so innocent either. I feel terrible for all she’s been through, but it’s not an excuse for how she treated me too. Scratching me and throwing my head into the wall. Yelling at me that I’m just like my father and throwing my phone onto the floor so damn hard it shattered into pieces and spread everywhere into the room. Pieces of glass hit me and I was afraid I’d been cut and she instead checks on my younger brother, in the top bunk of our bunk bed, and apologizes so much and tells him she loves him so much and not to be afraid. She left the house that night, in the middle of the night, and went driving to god knows where and blamed the whole thing on me. She told my dad that I pissed her off because I didn’t listen to her and called her names and none of that was true, obviously. I told her that night I didn’t want to give her my phone because I can’t wake up on time without the alarms. She felt I was undermining her authority by not immediately giving it up. My father came the next day, mad as hell and he slapped me. Told me to apologize to her for all that and I told him, “no, because I didn’t do anything and she hurt me.” He scoffed and went to go talk to her. My mom ignored me for a week after. She didn’t feed me and she didn’t look in my direction. It took a long time for her to talk to me, and she didn’t let it go for months. Years later, I asked him if he knew why I never apologized, then told him about what she did and he said he had no idea. They fought that day. I left the house screaming and crying and having a panic attack. I went to my girlfriend’s house and I slept it all away, blocking both their numbers and trying so hard to will myself dead.

I have so much more to say but I can’t dump everything on the internet. I just feel like I can’t tell anyone this, and obviously there’s a time and place for even the slightest mention of any sort of childhood experiences, but idk. I don’t feel like anyone else understands me and I’m not sure if that’s internal or not. I can’t tell, cause even when I’m with some of my close friends, I feel all they do is talk abt their stuff and ask after they feel they’ve overshared or that they heard what they wanted to hear. And then by the time I get the nerve to start saying what I want to, something else comes up and the topic is gone.

I know I need a therapist, this isn’t new info and it isn’t shocking but man I just need to say it somewhere, ya know? I just can’t keep it inside forever. That thing that people say, “trauma keeps you at the age you experienced it”….that applies to me so hard lmao.

I just wanted a fucking hug man. And my tears wiped away and my damn emotion acknowledged.

If anyone makes it this far, thank you. I hope this wasn’t too long and that it didn’t set off any alarms. Take care of yourself, please?

⚠️⚠️⚠️

End of post!