#alsooooo would anyone be interested in seeing some of my own characters and stuff because I have a few drawings of them I’d love to share 🖤

[booplesnotts-art]

Guys help I’m trying to figure out what to draw since I have some free time lately and I cannot decide if I wanna draw Danny again or hb😭

Also— feel free to send me asks and stuff for some drawing requests/ideas! I’m in a stage right now where I just want to draw SOMETHING but haven’t come up with any ideas yet. I can’t guarantee I’ll get any requests done right away but I’d certainly like to take a crack at it at one point!

[paradife-loft]

sms/jgy for the ship meme? (alt: also interested in thoughts on xueyao if you'd rather)

Mmm, boy, ok!

Suyao: so, unfortunately I think I have to go with “don’t ship” for this one...

1. Why don’t you ship it?

Gah, I feel like I don’t know how to answer this in a way that doesn’t make me sound hypocritical, but a decent part of it is that superior/subordinate ships mostly vary for me on a scale of “eh not my thing” to “nope nope nope squick”. I’m really not into (a majority of)* power differentials, and I feel like the way I read SMS buying into the class structure of their society, just tilts things in that direction for me. (Relatedly, I think “I’m happy or satisfied to die for your benefit” is likewise a not ship thing for me. Depending on the context. Idk, it’s complicated.)

2. What would’ve made you like it?

I mean frankly, I think if I were more emotionally invested in SMS (as opposed to intellectually invested in the part he plays in the story thematically), I’d be better able to pull out aspects of the ship I like despite having others I’m ehh about. And that’s partially down to framing, and what kind of time he & Moling Su get onscreen since he’s a minor character, and the way I personally end up reacting to like. Characters visibly being not as good at something as another person is, and also visibly/publicly upset/jealous/angry about it. So just - yeah, a different focus in a story that gives more of his POV in the manner of being his own multifaceted protagonist, can really help there? And/or, for that matter, a more hyperpersonal, erotic spin on the dynamic, for that matter :P Sometimes I’m shallow.

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

Yeah! I think there’s absolutely a lot to be said about the importance that each of them has to the other, and the way they function as partners in trying to be seen more respectably by a society stacked against them? I’m absolutely interested in what must have transpired in the early stages of their relationship becoming what we see by the end of canon, where SMS is so clearly trusted with these dirty, distasteful parts of JGY’s life that he doesn’t willingly let anyone else into, certainly not if he cares about their opinion of him and, y’know, wants to keep them alive.

Also, the parallels of JGY & SMS’s first meeting at Jinlintai, with the Xiyao interaction in CQL ep 4? Extremely good and crunchy.

-

Xueyao under the cut for length and alsooooo nsfw XD

1. What made you ship it?

Poooooorn :P Like, this is not a ship that I consider as “canon” for any worldstate I write in or ramble about as a general rule, but in ~pornland~ where characters get to fuck far more people and in far more contexts than I consider strictly likely in reality? Yes. Yes yes yes. I believe the instantiation of my shipping this had to do with a conversation with @veliseraptor where I ended up having Peak Gremlin Brain and saying something about how they should fuck on the murder table next to NMJ’s dead body?

Basically I just think they have a really hot push-and-pull relationship, and a-Yao deserves a whole lot of fucked up under-negotiated kink in hypothetical iterations of his life, ok XD

2. What are your favourite things about the ship?

See “fucked up under-negotiated kink” above :P Like, I am here for Xue Yang being the wonderful, hilarious, boundary-crossing id machine that he is, and for JGY getting pushed thoroughly out of his comfort zone into things he... enjoys?? for some definitions of the word “enjoy”? but is not really okay about in any capacity and would never in a million years end up doing in a more SSC/RACK way with er-ge.

And the material underpinning that, which relates to why I enjoy them in that context and think they work well in this sort of fantasy-based reality fork, is how they do seem to have this semi-playful dynamic once they’re in their own walled-off space, of a bit more indulgence than usual, and knowing each other differently than everyone else around them? Like, the walls JGY has to keep up are quite different from the ones he normally engages; and then I think there’s something appealing (at least for a little while) for Xue Yang of being in a rich family’s pocket, and having access to that level of material security-to-the-point-of-frivolity that he can just fuck with and never seriously have to worry about overstepping. It’s a very good circumstantial friendship that pokes at the edges of each of their vulnerabilities in society, and because of that allows a lot of really hot pushing at those vulnerabilities in a way they can’t elsewhere.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on this ship?

Mmmmm, shruuuugggg??? I have no idea, honestly. I guess on one hand, I’ve seen stuff that posits them knowing each other when they were younger / what if?, and that’s really not something I have any interest in? But idk if that’s popular, necessarily. Oh, I also see them both as very switchy with each other. And for that matter my general opinions on JGY Having Hella Sex And Touch Hangups also apply, as usual. But again, not sure if those are “unpopular” so much as “I vaguely remember seeing material that did the opposite at one point, and I disagreed with it” /shrug

[guardiandae]

You know you are an adult when you get excited about buying a vaccuum cleaner... lmao. 

but in my defense, the vacuums today, even the cheap ones, are so much cooler than the shitty ones back in the day. also I would like my floor to finally be clean and my mom keeps going, “vacuums are so expensive” bitch I just spent $20 on a vaccuum it’s not hard.

ANYWAY here’s my life update:

got my hair cut, finally. It looks so much better now. no more staring at crazy split ends all day.

I found a quiz site, WHOOPS, and I’ve been quizzing myself for like a week now on African countries and now island countries because I realized I don’t know them. I don’t think they’re all sticking but my brain has been going, MOZAMBIQUE. DJIBOUTI. every day. So I now know recall MORE countries than I used to. It fuels my obsession for puzzle games + I’m learning, so. This is a step up from mind-numbing griddlers, at least.

I’m also reading A Song of Ice and Fire... it’s stupid how, for the longest time I was super intimidated by the idea of getting into these books, knowing how thick they are, how many there are in the series, and how many CHARACTERS there are to follow. I remember when I first started watching the show, I was super overwhelmed by the characters being introduced. Particularly when the Red Woman came onto the scene I was like, “The fuck is happening now??” And maybe watching the show first helped a lot with that, but like, I was really suspicious when I first cracked open a book and was like... “Is this the novel or just a screenplay???” I remember having to read so many books that were written with excruciatingly BORING detail, or such lovingly rendered descriptions of background scenery or pure daydreams that had nothing to do with the plot, that I’d get totally bogged down in the purple prose and lose track of what the hell was going on. That’s one of my biggest pet peeves of writing to this very day. But GRRM doesn’t do that, not even remotely. I thought that my writing was really simple, but GRRM’s might be even more spartan. But that only makes sense to keep it succinct and move along quickly when he’s laying out this whole huge world with several kingdoms and houses that all have their own unique cultures and beliefs and at least a dozen different major characters whose stories need to be told. I’m totally enchanted. and the FORESHADOWING, HOLY FUCK. The foreshadowing is intense, I’m kind of glad in a way that I already know what’s to come because it’s literally like the way I wrote Distance, where after you know the ending, there are so many things that take on a different light that I would’ve never even noticed, seriously. I posted them on twitter but I should maybe make posts here because AAAAGGGGGGHHH!!!!

I’m also starting to read up on beekeeping... I’ve been interested in it for a while mostly in the sense that I appreciate beekeeping (see beekeeper mumen for example) but the spring seeds came in and I was like, I want bee-friendly flowers, and then that led to, WHAT IF I BEES? and I’m the sort of person that... I had to RESTRAIN MYSELF from buying a beekeeping starting kit (BECAUSE I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT TO DO WITH 3LBS OF LIVE BEES.. @MYSELF: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE BUY BEES ONLINE JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN) and yeah like so anyway now I’m reading about bees and even if I decide it’s not for me (tbh I’d probably be like, “YEAH BEES” until I got to the point of trying to set up an actual fucking hive of bees and then scream and run away because BEES? and also bc I’m an idiot that thinks everything sounds awesome in theory until real life happens. BUT WHO KNOWS MAYBE I’D LIKE IT???) but anyway EVEN IF I DECIDE AGAINST THE IDEA at least I’ll have learned some stuff?

oh yeah btw I slammed the button and ordered that pricey fitbit fitness tracking watch and I really like it. I’m kind of gradually easing into more and more fitness? which feels like a “I’m being lazy” thing but honestly maybe that’s a better approach, to build up habits over time instead of overloading myself with extreme changes and then going “nope”? Basically I’ve been learning that exercise can be hella fun, experimenting with different exercises that I like and also experimenting with healthier foods to bring into my diet. btw if anyone told me a few years ago that today I’d be buying almond milk, coconut oil, organic food, and yelling, “HOW MANY CALORIES?! FUCK THAT” in the middle of the grocery store at my ex-favorite foods, I probably would’ve decked them.

alsooooo so I can’t remember if I posted about this but I know I told a few people that I studied the gay aesthetic™ hard and took notes (I wish I was fucking kidding, I literally gotta study this shit I don’t understand social things and fashions) and decided to expand my wardrobe accordingly. I’m feeling out what works and does not, and today I was FEELING IT when I got myself in the mirror. it’s that men’s pocket undershirt, I fucking swear, and I have had that all along but I never wore them by themselves I always wore them to work under my stupid work uniform. WELL NOW I’VE SEEN THE LIGHT. plus my ace ring and bracelets were good choices. today I bought better shoes as well, and dodged a bullet because like... ugh I have the worst instincts and at first I almost got these tall zippered ladies boots that were on sale like... yes they were a squeeze but??? but I was like... I think they make my legs look stubby plus the store was closing so I was like, TOO INDECISIVE FOR THIS. I ended up getting a pair of skateboard shoes on clearance and also some nice looking men’s boots instead and it cost me the same it would’ve for that one pair of boots plus get this while I was leaving the store I saw this Incredibly Straight Woman walking in with the tall zippered boots and I was like, THANK GOD I DIDN’T and then I saw ANOTHER Incredibly Straight Woman with the same boots and I was like TODAY I HAVE BEEN SPARED A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH. Like yeah gay girls can pull that off too yes but 1. not me. I’d have to get skinny jeans or leggings for that look and it’s so not me I can’t, I don’t know why the fuck I tried to go down that path 2. those tall boots weren’t even the original Aesthetic™ that I had studied for, like, I suck so bad, someone dress me bc I make bad life choices. 

but yeah, I bought two new pairs of shoes, I bought a grey shirt bc I observed that the holy grail of casual gay girls was just a plain grey shirt (much like the unrealized glory of my pocket shirts... but grey guys... I love grey...) I hope it’s a good choice tho bc you know, some cuts look great and some are like... the fuck. a VACUUM CLEANER?? ADULTING WIN?? some nice FOOD STUFFS???? lettuce-y things, even????

so now I need to do some things that I’ve been putting off..

-do my taxes (I’ve been raring to but my internet was too slow..) -pay rent -call my bank -find a local doctor -book an eye appointment -schedule a permit test -clean my fucking maybe?? that;’d be nice??? 

-maybe part with some of these clothes that just give me bad memories now... I still have so much stuff from high school and stuff that I don’t wear and stuff that I’m like ‘will I ever fit into this again’ and it’s like... like seriously for YEARS  I did not buy myself a new WARDROBE I had like enough clothes that would fit and so many old ones like, I was punishing myself for gaining so much weight and seriously it didn’t help me at all it felt so much better to just go ahead and get clothes that fit me and half of my problem is I’m poor af so I’m like, ‘but I spent money on this’ and I don’t wanna throw it out but now I think I’ll be happy when I get rid of these big clothes when they, hopefully, no longer fit me in the near future, so like... I should just toss these old bad-memories-clothes and burn them, seriously... @ me I’m talking to you asshole, burn the rags. clean your room, clean our your wardrobe, and cleanse it with fire.