#also you're still you by josh groban

[stormhearty]

Pairings: Eris x Reader

Word Count: 3k

Triggers: pining, reader being shot by arrows, mentions of bloodshed and killing

Summary: Eris watched as your body lay still in the large bed, healing from the poisonous arrows that had penetrated your body. The Autumn Heir is reminded that, no matter how much he loves you, you will always be in danger if you stay around him. Now he has to make a choice… whether to keep you in his arms and protect you with his fire or to unlock the cage and let you go free.

Note: Based on this request! Thank you @strangelygreat for your request! I love this so much. I realized that I never really listened to this song in its entirety. The Broadway version, “If I Can’t Love Her” has a similar feel — it has the same longing and distress. But I listened to <Evermore> and of course, I am in love. <Evermore>, Josh Groban’s version more specifically, has such a beautiful pining feeling; I listened to it while brainstorming and writing this song. This is also based on a scene from the manhwa “Secret Lady”, one which echoes this feeling of pining with angst. I loved this scene in this manhwa, and I highly suggest reading it! This will mostly be under Eris’ POV since the song is from the Beast’s POV as well.

I would suggest listening to the song either before reading this story or during, and please do tell me if I could portray the song correctly!! Or was able to portray a similar feeling to it.

Closing the door behind him with a silent click, Eris stepped into the dimly lit room, his steps leading to a familiar bed, one that held a familiar body underneath its sheets. A hand reached out to grab the back of a chair, dragging it across wooden floors, the echo of scraping wood resonating throughout the quiet room. Placing the chair next to the bed, he gracefully sat down, hands gripping the arms of the chair as amber hues stared at the rise and fall of your back.

The room had grown silent after that, the pitter-patter of rainfall against the large windows and your even breathing occupied the room. It rarely rained in Autumn Court, but lately, Eris felt like the weather matched his mood — bleak, dull, and sober. His gaze moved from your peaceful features to the bandages on your back, the blackened blood that seeped through the white cloth.

It had been a month.

A month since the day you had stepped in front of those poisonous arrows, ones covered with ash — ones that were marked towards him — and almost had your life taken away in front of his very eyes.

He watched as your eyes looked up at him, a smile tugging at your lips, the words that slipped from your lips haunting him to this day: “You're okay…”

Eris felt himself stiffen in the chair, hearing the echo of your words through his body. He felt the wood creak underneath his fingertips, his claws splinting the wood underneath them.

He could still see it — how your body slumped against his, that arrow penetrated your skin; how the blood seeped from that wound through your ball gown. He could still smell it — that blood that tricked from the edge of your mouth and onto his pristine clothes. He could still feel it — how your body slowly started to become cold in his warm hands, how your pulse slowed underneath his palm.

The scene was still vivid in his mind — a constant reminder of the dangers that lurked in Autumn Court; on the dangers that followed him. On how every single moment that you lay in this bed, barely hanging into the thread of life — was another reminder to the Autumn Heir that he had started to become selfish — especially when it came to you.

For the longest time, he had restrained himself, his feelings, his obsession when it came to you. You were a fleeting moment — he constantly told himself — one that was not meant to be caged, especially not by him. Not in the political battlefield such as Autumn Court. Not where his brothers waited in the shadows to strike him down every waking second. Not where his father was looking for any weakness to use against him as punishment.

You weren't meant to stay by him, he had concluded.

Eris knew that — from the moment he laid eyes on you, all those years ago.

How you were a breath of fresh air in his suffocating world. You were his haven… an escape from the constant pressures of his Court. He wouldn’t have minded if the world had faded away — all that mattered was you. And Eris knew, oh how he knew, and that very thought was intoxicating and dangerous. All he had wanted to do was to keep you within arm-length, to be able to whisk you away when need be.

But he couldn’t.

“(Y/N)…” Eris murmured your name in the darkness, like a lover whispering sweet nothings.

“I can tell you now…”

Amber hues stared at your sleeping form, unaware of the truth that he was about to spill. Eris knew that the walls listened, his own home against him. But he needed to get it off his chest, to let the world know.

“You were my Goddess for the longest time…”

He shifted slightly to pull pieces of porcelain from his pocket — a broken miniature statue, one that Eris had held onto for all these years. He glanced at the pieces before shifting his hand, to allow them to fall to the wooden floor, the sound barely reaching his ears.

“You were something that I could admire from far away, keeping you at arms distance. Something that I could look at and never touch, never hold. I wasn’t afraid to think of you back then… to wish and yearn for you… To miss you. I never wanted to know who you were, never wanted to know more about you. I was content with just looking.

“But, when I saw you that day… During my coming-of-age ceremony, all those centuries ago, could you imagine — - no… you could never understand how I felt that day.”

You were radiant. A bright light in his dim world. Even in a crowded room, he could spot you from a mile away. You radiated warmth, kindness… purity. Something absent in his world of hatred and betrayal.

A shaky sigh escaped his lips, a hand coming up to run through his copper locks before running down his face, pressing against his eyes to prevent the burn of tears.

“It was the first time in my entire life… I wanted nothing more to do than run.

“You were gorgeous. And for the life of me, I couldn’t look at you without having my heart beat frantically in my chest. I felt like my heart would jump out, for the world to see how much you had affected me.

“Was this love? Was this devotion? Did this shift of emotion mean that I could never be able to seek you out again? That I could never be able to think freely of you? I didn’t know. And I didn’t want to.

“I thought that I would be able to manipulate myself into not loving you. How could I? I didn’t know you… all I had loved was what I could see on the outside. I thought I could manipulate myself into thinking to not fall in love with someone I did not know.

“I had thought it would be easy. I rarely saw you, except on passing occasions… Superficial words of greetings in loud halls. It was fine, for centuries, for me to just silently yearn for you. To allow myself not to hold you tight…”

A broken laugh paused his monologue, his hand dropping back onto the arms of the chair as he looked at you. He shifted out of the chair and moved to sit at the edge of the bed close to your form. Eris reached over, wanting nothing more than to feel your skin underneath his hand — to ensure you were still there… alive. He hesitated, his hand hovering over your back, only to move to gently grasp a piece of your hair. He leaned down and pressed a kiss on that one lock of hair.

“But that night, all those months ago, when you sought me out in the forest, knocking frantically on that small cabin door. You had sacrificed your safety to forewarn me of the assassination attempt by my brother. I knew I had to push you away, I had to keep you hidden from the prying eyes of my father and brothers. For they would know, if I had been a moment too late, pulling you in and hiding you within that closet, they would have known how much you had affected me.

“I knew that I should have let you go that night. I shouldn’t have held your hand and pulled you into that cabin. I should have let you run away from this cage I call my home.

“But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t let you go, not when you were the one who sought me out. For the first time in centuries, you were the one who looked for me.”

Fingers dropped that lock of hair, as he settled his elbows onto his knees, hands, once again, pressing against his face as the tears finally broke… cascading down his cheeks in a never-ending river. He cried in silence, afraid that any sob or cry of grief would wake you up from your slumber.

You were finally within arms grasp.

Eris could reach out and hold you in his arms, to press his lips against yours. To love you as he had wanted.

“I couldn’t lie to myself anymore, (Y/N)… I wanted more. I wanted nothing more than to hold you in my arms, kiss you in the dead of night, make you moan my name as we made love… I wanted to drink up everything that you had given me. I wanted your eyes to shine only for me.

“And I regretted it so much.”

Eris felt every regret seep into his body — he regretted letting you into his life, into his world of fire.

“You mustn’t let her lay on her back—-” the priestess hummed out, as the glow from her hands faded away, fixing the bandage to cover the wound.

Eris watched, dull amber eyes staring at your face for any indications of pain. He held you in his arms, your head resting against his shoulder as the priestess healed the wound on your back.

“—-For it may fester with the moisture that can build up. You must lay her on her stomach, to let the wound breathe…” The gentle hands of the priestess ran over the wound, and Eris felt you shift in his arms, your face scrunching in pain. He felt himself growl at the priestess, amber eyes lighting in anger.

The priestess bowed in apology, “—- Her feeling pain is better than feeling nothing, my Lord.” With one last bow, the priestess swept away, passing the Lady of Autumn as the doors closed.

Eris didn’t pay attention to his mother, not when you were shivering in his arms. He sighed softly, bringing you closer to his warmth, letting the fire that breathed under his skin warm you. Fingers ran through your tangled hair, trying to undo the knots that came upon you while you were asleep.

“Why did you let (Y/N) into the Forest House?” Lady of Autumn asked her son, finally breaking up the silence of that room.

It had been a day after the incident — a day after you had taken the arrow that should have taken his life. A day since the priestess worked their magic to try to save you from the brink of death.

Eris had been nothing but a statue, forgoing his duties as the Heir of Autumn Court to just sit in that very room, watching you breathe — as if afraid that if he turned away from your body, you would disappear.

He glanced up at his mother for a moment before he leaned down to bury his head into the crook of your shoulder, the feeling and sound of your breathing calming him, reassuring him that you were still alive in his arms.

“Why did you have to —-”

“Mother…” he breathed out, interrupting her question.

Lady Autumn raised a brow, lips pressing as she allowed her son to explain.

“Imagine there is someone you wanted to protect, would do anything to protect. And you realize… that the person you wanted nothing more to protect was in danger because of you. What would you do?”

Eris shifted so he could lay you back on the bed, gently laying you down on your stomach as the priestess told him to do. He sat at the edge of the bed, tugging the bedsheet to cover your lower half, allowing your back to breathe in the cooling air.

“I would do whatever in my power… to ensure their safety…” she answered him.

Eris ran his hand down your back gently once more before he stood up, his feet dragging him over to the window as amber hues stared out into his Court.

“And that’s what I did, Mother… That night, after I had killed Tharetiur, his blood splattered on the wood of that cabin. After (Y/N) had fallen asleep in my bed, I stepped out into the night, wondering what I could do to ensure she was safe. I couldn’t let her go home, not after running for god knows how long to warn me of Tharetiur’s assassination attempt.

“… I had turned to Drucand —-” Eris’s right hand, one of the few people in Autumn Court he could trust with his life, “—-I asked him, ‘Where is the safest place in all of Prythian?’ I watched as Drucan stared at me for a moment, as if I asked a stupid question, before reaching for the holster of his sword…”

Eris remembered how Drucand pulled that holster from his waist and proceeded to hand him his sword.

“’ Heir of Autumn Court, the first son of Beron and Lady Autumn. The Heir whose blood runs with flames. The safest place… would be in your arms, with your fire and sword in hand.’”

A laugh broke out of Eris, his head shaking at the thought.

“I wanted to send her off, wanted to keep the distance between myself and her… But, I couldn’t. And I started to selfishly think that keeping her by my side, with that sword in my hand, might be the most reasonable solution to ensure her safety. I thought… that no danger would touch a hair on her head, not when I would protect her as my hounds do for me…

“But I failed… I failed, Mother…”

Eris turned around and faced his mother, tears finally breaking through his composure. His voice shook at every confession and every truth he thought knew.

“…It seemed that the Gods and the Mother above had led me to her. Fated us to be together… and yet ripped us apart the moment they thought we had gotten too close. That I had gotten too close to her. It seemed that they used her… her kindness, her warmth, her love… as punishment for me and my discretions…”

Eris believed with his whole being that you were his eternal punishment — for forgetting his promise to forget you, to punish him for yearning for you. Your kiss with death… was his punishment for falling in love with you.

The Heir watched as his mother let out a light sob before rushing towards him, holding him in her arms as he broke — as he finally broke. Eris sobbed, his body collapsing onto the ground in the arms of his mother, his hands wrapping around her as he grasped her shoulders, his body shuddering and breaking.

All because he had failed to protect you.

Amber eyes focused on your body once more, as he slipped out of the memory, the tears drying on his cheeks, determination in the depths of his eyes.

“(Y/N)… I had brought you into my life out of a momentary desire. A want, a selfish want, rather than a need. You were no longer the Goddess that I could bask in your light and warmth. You became a person — a living, breathing person — someone who cried and smiled… someone who showed your heart on your sleeve despite living in a Court that could use that against you.

“You showed me that you were like me, alive. I got to know you, your little habits — how you would bite your nails in concentration, how you would fiddle with the ends of your hair when you were nervous. You were an open book — one that I read so easily and greedily.”

How could he resist falling in love with you?

He couldn’t.

Not when you had accepted his flaws, accepted the darkest side of him — and in the end never turned your back on him. You had stuck next to him, in the horrors of his own Court, sticking out your neck for him every second.

How could he not fall in love with you and declare to let you leave?

How could he just have let you go like that? Not when you weaved your soul into his heart and stole it for yourself.

He couldn’t live without your hand in his, your body next to his own in the dead of the night. He couldn’t live without you.

But yet, there he was, he had been so close to losing you. To the terrors of his brother.

He didn’t regret it.

He didn’t regret the bloodshed that night after Drucand had taken your body from his arms.

All he saw was red, and he had no hesitance in taking Drucand’s sword, using his powers to wrap it in flames, and slaughtering his brothers in front of his father and mother.

There had been no ounce of regret in his blood at the sight of their bodies on those marble floors, blood pooling around them. He stared at his father with a glare, before handing Drucand the blood-covered sword back and taking your wounded body into his arms and striding out.

Eris would kill for you, again and again, if he had to. He would cover himself in blood… a sword in his hands, all for you. He would burn Prythian in flames… all so that he would never lose you again.

It was such a dangerous thought.

You were a dangerous addiction to him.

“(Y/N)… What if…”

There was only one way for him to fulfill his promise — his promise to the Gods, to the Mother.

He leaned over your body, his hand gently running down your leg, over your calf, and grasping your foot.

“What if I would carve my heart out, severing my feelings for you… Would that be enough to protect you and keep you alive from the dangers of my life?”

Eris pressed a kiss against the top of your foot, a notion of devotion from the Heir of Autumn Court.

“If that would be the case… then I would gladly take my sword, and hand you my bleeding heart. To show my eternal devotion and my love for you…”

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Eight

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: DRINKING / ALCOHOL (bigger warning because they are actively drinking in this one, not just in the bar) Swearing, Sex is mentioned (not had) A LOT of ridiculous puns and jokes, Slow Burn is REAL, Halloween Costumes, Brotherly Banter (gentle bullying) and finally, our favorite warning, YEARNING.

Word Count: 7k (longest so far!!)

Summary: IT'S HALLOWEEN BABES; Josh decides to decorate the bar for the holiday and so, they make it into a little party. Jake hesitates on what to do about Charlotte, but goes with his gut. And BOY IS THAT A LITTLE TREAT.

Author's Note: I said this week would be a sweet treat and I think that you'll find that it is! I don't want to spoil the surprise but, I think you'll be excited to see what it is 🤭 See you on the other side!

More Than Friends - Aidan Bissett "Girl, lets be more than friends, I know you're thinking the same thing."

Jake POV 

“You know, whatever you decide to hang up, we need to be able to get down, right?” 

I stand there watching Josh not so carefully hanging off the ladder’s top step. Quinn looks less than impressed while they stand on the bottom step.

“Maybe Jake is onto something, Josh Groban,” they tell him. 

Josh stops, looks back with a glare, and then returns to whatever he is trying to do. 

I look over at them, both of us shaking our heads, knowing that Josh will do whatever he damn well pleases. 

“He’s your problem to deal with now,” I tell them, gently squeezing their shoulders as I pass by. 

Deciding to make sure the bar is fully stocked for the night, I can’t help but eavesdrop on Sam and Willa as they try to get ‘cute post-worthy’ pictures for the bar’s Instagram. 

“Sam, can you just work with me?” Willa asks, letting out a frustrated sigh. 

“Birdie, you know this is also my job?” 

“Yeah, well, last time you took promo photos, you stole all my flowers, AND you hated the outcome. So, maybe just listen to me?” 

“I’m not trying to be difficult, little bird,” Sam says, “You just need to relax.”

“When has telling a girl to relax ever ended well for you?” 

I was chuckling to myself as I listened to them and took notes of what needed to be pulled from the back. I hate dragging myself away from the free entertainment, but I need to keep moving so the bar can be ready tonight. 

I wasn’t the one who came up with the idea to do a themed night; you can only imagine who suggested it, but people have been talking about it lately, so maybe it was a good choice. Even though I had to explain to Josh that we cannot require people to wear costumes, I think it’ll be fun to see everyone dressed up. 

Looking at the back stock and pulling out the things we’ll need, I hear footsteps approaching me. I simply glanced at the doorway to finally be met with Josh’s presence. 

“So.. are you going to invite her?” 

My eyebrows pull together a bit, “Who?”

“Your First Mate,” Josh says, wiggling his eyebrows at me. 

“Oh shut up,” I quip back, “I was thinking about it.” 

Regret has never hit me quicker. 

“OH ARE YOU NOW?”

“I mean… you saw her the other day, Josh. She’s obviously not having a great time and the fact she has to keep coming here, I may as well at least extend the offer.” I tell him, “Even if she’ll probably say no.” Quickly, I look back at my notes to make sure I’m not forgetting anything before walking back out to the bar. 

“Well, you have been talking to her,” he says. 

“We’ve texted .. a little bit,” I tell him, knowing that he will pry for more information, “BUT– it’s nothing crazy. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.” 

He follows me, offering no assistance carrying anything but absolutely still trying to make something out of nothing. 

“That’s very you… of you to do.” 

Both of us looked vaguely unimpressed at that statement. 

“Okay, that wasn’t my best work. I’m just saying that maybe there’s a chance you two could be something of an item,” he tells me, a little too giddy for my liking. 

Setting everything on the bar abruptly, “Jesus Christ, Josh. Just because I’m nice to the girl doesn’t mean I want anything more.” I’m trying to sound convincing, even though I know he will call me on it at any moment. I wouldn’t be opposed to it, though. But for god’s sake, Josh doesn’t need to know that. 

“Okay, okay, alright, I’ll stop,” he starts, holding his hands up. But know that I will find out if anything happens between you two,” he squints at me before turning around to continue helping Quinn decorate. 

I watch as he finds himself busy again, but I can tell from a distance that he updates Quinn on his interrogation. If there is anything I know about my brother, it is that he will know everything about everyone all the time, which in turn means Quinn knows everything as well. I let out a small sigh while piling bottles of Modelo back into the fridge. Maybe I should just text her. Is that weird? She’s going to say no anyway. 

Still squatting down behind the bar, I pull my phone from my back pocket. Unlocking it to a handful of email notifications and a few texts from Sam that I ignored earlier.  I love him, but he doesn’t need to ask me every time if he can take some promo pics for the bar. 

I tap on her conversation; my thumbs hesitate for a second. Is this stupid? Am I wasting my metaphorical breath? Maybe she’ll appreciate the thought. 

Me: Hi there. How are you? Are you busy tonight by any chance?

I shove my phone back into my pocket before standing back up, grabbing the few loose cans and bottles across the bar, and tossing them. Looking around at the new decorations, they all have managed to get hung up already, and it’s definitely feeling much more festive. 

“Josh, can you–” I start, but I feel my phone vibrate, stopping me mid-question, “Uh, lost my train of thought. I’ll get back to you on that,” 

I grab my phone and see her name sitting there, making the heat rise in my face. 

Charlotte: No, I’m free. Why? 

The three dots pop up before I can reply, making me more nervous. 

Charlotte: Do you need help with something?

Me: nooo I don’t need anything from you. We’re just doing a little thing here for halloween and I thought I would see if you were interested. No pressure or anything lol.

Those god-forsaken three dots come back, then disappear, and reappear. There is no worse form of torture in the modern day than waiting for a text to pop up. 

Charlotte: Maybe

Okay… Well, it isn’t a no. I look up to find Josh directly in front of me, scaring the shit out of me. I didn’t realize he could be quiet enough to do that. 

“Can I help you?” 

“You looked very intrigued by whatever was on your phone there, brother,” Josh says, with a shitty little grin on his face. 

“Don’t you have things to be doing other than watching me use my phone?” I ask, not able to stop the slight eye roll that came along with it. 

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that,” he says, “ Quinn and I are going to run upstairs to get ready, and then I can take over so you can go put on whatever pirate bullshit you want.” He says, staring at me with a matter-of-fact expression and his arms folded across his chest.  

“Sounds good to me, bub.” 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

 Sam and Willa left shortly after Josh and Quinn, leaving me with the usual regulars to tend to. They weren’t a rowdy bunch, so I got a good amount of cleaning done before the rush of people. 

Maybe. The fact she didn’t say ‘no’ was basically haunting me. It’s not a big deal if she does show up because she is just a ‘friend’. That’s even a strong way of wording it. 

At this point, the sun has been set for a while, which is attracting costumed customers. Some are more clever than others, but regardless, I’m just glad that people seem to like the idea. 

I’m talking to Linda, who’s dressed as an 80s Aerobic Instructor, when I hear the sounds of my dear brother entering the building. He always has a way of making his presence known, whether he means to or not. We both glance over to the door, where he lets Quinn through first, quickly following behind. 

Hand in hand, they joined us at the bar. I just looked at the two of them for a minute, my head tilted slightly. 

“Peter Pan and Tinkerbell?” I finally manage to ask.

“Yes!” Josh says, fluttering the tiny wings he has on. 

I let out a small sigh; I should have known, giggling to myself. 

“I think you two look adorable,” Linda compliments them, eliciting a curtsy from Josh while Quinn does a stage bow. 

“Alright, Tink, come tend bar so I can go change into something more festive.”

After I finally got upstairs, I started digging through my closet, looking for everything. I know it’s in here. I finally found my cream button-up; it was a bit looser on me than most of my shirts, so when I tucked it in; it definitely fit a pirate theme. 

I pull on my black slim-fit jeans, tucking the bottom of my shirt into them. I slide on my brown dress vest over the shirt, leaving it fairly open so that my chest is exposed. I grab the necklaces on my nightstand and walk into the bathroom to make sure they are sitting properly. I don’t need Josh telling me I layered my necklaces wrong again. 

I know Josh has some sort of scarf or belt that would make more sense for a pirate outfit, so I decide to bravely go into his room. Good lord, Josh.  Walking into his room, I always forget that he likes to have things. I mean that nicely; he just loves art, decor, and tchotchkes, so his bedroom would be overstimulating to most. Considering how long I’ve known him, I’m generally accustomed to his ways, but when he keeps his door shut more often than not, it starts to slip my mind. 

Rummaging through his closet, filled with colorful pieces, I find the clothes hanger loaded with scarves. I pulled out an olive green one; earth tones will work, right?  I tie it around my waist, moving in front of his full-length mirror; I look much more piratey than before. 

I look at the time, not realizing how long it’s taken me, I hustle back into my room. I grab the rings from the drawer in my nightstand, quickly sliding them on and spraying myself with another round of cologne to hopefully hold me over the rest of the night. I pull out a single cigarette from the drawer, shutting it a little harder than I mean to. 

Maybe? Her text is still sitting in my mind. What if she does show up? I grab my phone from the counter, slide it back into my pocket, and head out the door. 

“Excuse me, sorry,” I mumble as people pass me on the stairs. I’m moving a little quicker than I usually am because I don’t want to leave Josh bartending alone for too long. Maybe Melody is helping him out? I should have pulled everything out earlier, so this didn’t happen. 

I pull open the door, letting the couple outside into the stairwell. I pull my lighter out, placing the cigarette between my lips and covering the filter end with my hand to block the wind. I take the long way around the building so I can enjoy this while I have a second. Josh is fine, the bar is fine, if she shows up, that’s also fine. I think to myself as I’m rounding the corner. Taking one final drag before putting it out, I hold in the cloud of smoke for a moment before releasing it. I close my eyes for a second, breathing in the cool fall air. Glancing over to the most delightful sight, I’m unable to come up with words fast enough before I hear– 

“Well, hello there, Captain.” 

Charlotte POV

You’re allowed to have fun, Charlotte. That’s the mantra I’ve been repeating in my head since Jacob told me about this party, though the alternative is that this is incredibly unprofessional. 

I’ve been parked and sitting in my car for 10 minutes, building up the will to get out. You bought a costume, and you got ready, and you smiled at the text for about 15 minutes straight. Just go have fun. My hand finally reached for the handle, opening the door. 

My boots make a little click on the pavement as I get out of the car; I smooth out my pants and readjust the little corset so it’s more comfortable. I look at my reflection in my car windows, leaning in to make sure my lipstick is still in place. Okay. Just go. 

Rounding the corner, I see the entrance to the bar, making me slow my pace a little until- 

Jacob? I watch as he walks towards the bar; he looks .. good– No, Charlotte, cut it out. I slowly walk towards him, still watching him as he lets out a quick stream of smoke; why is that kinda…  He sets the rest of the cigarette in the ashtray placed on top of the garbage can. He stops for a second, clearly trying to calm down. Is he okay? His shoulders drop as he lets out a long breath. Suddenly, we’re making eye contact. Shit.

“Well, hello there, Captain,” I say to him. Smooth Charlotte, real smooth. 

He giggles at the name, “Well, blow me down. I didn’t know if I would see you tonight, Red.” 

“I decided that I deserved a little fun after this past week and all.”

“I think you made a good decision,” he says calmly, “Also, your costume choice is just lovely.” I don’t know if I ate too much or if he is actually giving me butterflies right now. 

“Oh, thank you,” I say quietly; I’ve never been good at receiving compliments. We both stand there for a brief second before he grabs the door to the bar, gesturing for me to go through. 

“Ladies first.” 

“What a gentleman– oh, I mean, gentle-pirate.”

The bar is full of costumed people, Halloween songs playing loud over the speakers that you can barely hear over the chatter from everyone.  It’s nice to see how busy the bar is finally.  I had only really been here earlier in the day and honestly, it’s refreshing to know that the bar is doing well, considering how many people are here. 

I followed Jacob to the bar, sitting down, only to notice that his brother was dressed as Tinkerbell. It seemed like an odd choice until I looked down to the other end of the bar to see Peter Pan sitting there. Oh… OH. 

“Charlotte! You came!” Josh says excitedly, “Y’know, I told Ol’ Captain Sparrow that if he just asked you that, you-” 

 “Oooookay, Tink, that’s enough,” Jacob cuts him off, making me laugh. 

He slid a glass over to me on a napkin. I looked down to see that he made me a Boulevardier. He remembered? My heart feels weird. 

“Let me know if it’s terrible, I’ll remake it for you,”

I take a small sip; it’s incredible?

“No, it’s perfect, thank you,” I tell him. 

He smiles at me, even his eyes light up. I watch him walk down the length of the bar, checking in on other customers and replacing their drinks with fresh ones. He’s so soft-spoken that I’m shocked he feels so comfortable bartending. The way he looks at every single customer, giving them his full attention, even for the twenty seconds it takes for them to place their order. He’s so-

“So Charlotte,” Josh starts, pulling me out of my thoughts, which may be a good thing at this rate. 

“How are you doing, dear?” he asks while wiping a wine glass dry. 

“I’m okay,” I tell him, “I am sorry about the other day, I hope you weren’t trying to get out of here.” 

“I was actually coming back from lunch, and you weren’t a bother at all,” he tells me, relieving me that I didn’t mess up his entire day. 

He continues, “Also, never apologize to me for having feelings. I don’t know what happened, but I’m glad that you were able to let them out. Jake is good at handling situations like yours, so you picked the perfect time, honestly.”

“Oh,” I say before taking a bigger sip. 

“Are you here alone?” he asks. I nod quickly, “Let me introduce you to someone. Hold on!” 

I watch as he waves over the person in the Peter Pan costume. They make their way over to us, and with how Josh’s face looks, I’m assuming this is a special person to him.

“Charlotte, this is Quinn,” Josh said, gesturing between the two of us. 

“Hi, nice to meet you, Quinn,” I can’t help how professional it comes out. 

“You as well,” they start, “If you haven’t pieced it together, yes, I’m Josh’s partner.” They let out a small laugh, gesturing at the Peter Pan costume. Okay, thank God, I didn’t want to say that I assumed.  

Looking at the two of them, they really are precious. 

“I love your costumes,” I tell them. 

“Oh, thank you!” they both say simultaneously. 

“So Charlotte, what exactly is your job?” Quinn asks. 

“Well-” I’m cut off by the group of people approaching us loudly. 

I watch quietly from my seat while they all greet each other. 

“WILLIAM,” Quinn hollers.

 “QUILL” 

“QUILLIAM,” the two of them yell at the same time, falling into a fit of giggles. 

I can’t help but wonder what I’m currently witnessing. 

“Oh my god, you look so fucking good.”

“Stop it- no, YOU guys look so good.”

Quinn looks back over to me, grabs the two girls’ hands they have been chatting with, and hustles back to the bar.

“Guys, this is Charlotte!” Quinn starts introducing us. “This is Willa,” they gesture to the petite girl with a cute bob haircut that frames her face so nicely. She’s dressed in light pink. Loofah? Which is quickly clarified when Sam comes into view dressed as a bar of soap, whom I met briefly the first day I came in. 

“I still can’t believe I’m soap, Bird.”

“It was this or Twilight, be glad!”

“And this is Melody, obviously. You’ve met already, though?” gesturing to her, who’s also absolutely beautiful. She’s dressed as Arwen, which means that Danny is dressed as the Aragorn man.

“Hi,” I manage to get out, “Yes, we have, and you both look so great,” 

“Thank you so much!” Melody quickly responds. 

“Oh, thanks!” Willa quips back. 

“Drinks for everybody,” Jake’s voice came from behind me as he slid a bunch of glasses towards us. A chorus of ‘thank you’ surrounds me. Before I can turn to acknowledge him, he’s grabbing my glass. 

“Another one?” He asks, fairly quietly this time. 

“Please,” my nerves are getting the best of me, and the best way to fight them off is not to be sober. 

“Oh, sick! We’re all in couples costumes,” 

“Sam,” Willa hitting Sam’s arm, “Shut up?”

I could feel the heat rising into my face; I had been ignoring that Jacob and I wore the same kind of costume and wishfully thought that nobody would mention it. I guess that ship has sailed.

“We have Peter Pan and Twinkerbell, Lord of the Rings, and Calico Jack and Anne Bonny at the bar– I thought it was safe to assume!” Sam says, his loud laugh following it.  

“Oh guys,” Jake sounds defeated, “Don’t embarrass her. You just met her.” 

He looks back at me, handing me a new drink, “I’m sorry about that. I swear sometimes my brother hates me.” 

“It’s okay. I was kind of waiting for it to happen,” I laughed, “I mean, we are matching so..” 

He laughs at my observation for a moment. 

“Between you and me,” he leans a little closer, whispering, “I think we’re the best dressed here,” flashing me a small smile; oh, how I wish he wouldn’t do that. 

“Charlotte, come with us!” Quinn says, grabbing my hand and pulling me off the barstool. They pull me over to a table where the other girls are sitting. Oh god.  

“Josh told me you were here alone, and well.. that’s not fun,” they tell me. 

“I don’t actually live around here, so I don’t really know anybody,” I start, “Well, aside from you guys, now.”

A slew of ‘oooohhhh’s come out from all of them. 

“So, I’m under the impression you’re all partners with the boys?” I ask. 

“Yes!” “Yep,” “Mhmmm,” quickly followed. 

I take another few sips of my drink, feeling the anxiety starting to melt away. 

“I’m secretly a sucker for romance, so who wants to let me in on the situations here?” I tell them, rapidly pointing around at all of them and the boys. I’m going to be around for a little bit. I may as well get to know them. Plus.. it probably wouldn’t hurt for me to try and make some friends… right? 

“How much time do you have?” Quinn asks bluntly. The other two erupted with laughter. 

I look down at my drink, swirling it around, and then drink the last few sips quickly before looking at them and delivering a monotone, “I got time.” 

“Well, in that case,” Willa starts, “Let me tell you about my sweet, dumb, but hot boyfriend Samuel.” She says while cracking her knuckles. 

“So– I met him at the farmers market, where he proceeded to be an absolute dick to me. And THEN, he was here when I came here on an unsuccessful date, we had to WORK TOGETHER, went on a trip where we got with ONE BED-” Willa pauses for dramatic effect before taking a breath to practically yell, “LIKE THE BOOK TROPE, CHARLOTTE.”

“You sure you wanna hear this?” Quinn interjects. 

“Oh, I’m invested now,” I quickly spit out. I catch a small glimpse of Jacob as he’s grabbing some empty bottles from a table across the room. He smiles and nods at whatever they say; oh, there’s that feeling again. 

Willa continues her tale, but I barely hear her. My eyes fixated on him, watching how he makes eye contact with anyone who talks to him. Making sure that he hears them, nodding along and giggling often. Every so often, letting someone have a genuine smile–

Willa’s voice hit me again, “–and now I guess I like him back.” 

“Oh, my god?” I respond, “That is uh.. A lot?” Oh, I’m the worst person ever. 

“It is a lot, but I guess he was worth it or whatever,” Willa rolls her eyes at the statement. 

Quinn smacked her arm, “You loved that silly string bean for so long. Don’t even act like you didn’t.” 

Everybody was giggling at the call out. I saw Melody look around the table at all the empty glasses before standing up and grabbing them all.

“Let me get us another round, but Quinn, feel free to start whenever,” She grabs their arm, “I obviously know how this goes already.” 

We all watch her for a minute as she walks up to the bar, getting the boys’ attention. 

“Melody is so pretty?” I say out loud, “Oh god, is that weird?”

“No!” 

“Not at all.” 

“We all think she’s hot, don’t worry.”

Before I can look back over to them, Jacob is in my line of sight again. This time, he’s behind the bar, talking to one of the older ladies he seems so fond of. The way they make him laugh is sweet. He’s stood there for a second before he leans over the bar to grab something from them, but the way he leans makes his shirt fall open more; I can see his stomach flex for a split second. Holy shit. Where is Melody with those drinks, dear god- 

“Alright, Quill, let’s go.” 

Melody sat back down at the table, dispersing the drinks to everyone. 

“Welllllll,” Quinn says, “I met him at Hobby Lobby- don’t ask me why HE worked THERE.”

I have got to stop getting distracted by this man. He walks past our table, gently squeezing Quinn’s shoulders as he passes them. They just glance over at him as they’re talking. It’s precious how much he seems to like them. Maybe he’s just a loving person? Oh, god I don’t like that. 

 “But, now we’re just in love, and he’s perfect, so!” 

“...in the cooler?” Willa mumbled, covering her mouth, “Please tell me you’re joking.” 

What did they do in the cooler? Shit, I need to be paying closer attention. 

“Yeah… I probably could have left that part out, huh?” Their eyes widened, looking over at me, with the realization of who they were telling that to. “We cleaned up after! Promise!”

“Wait a second- so, you and Josh.. here?” Willa says, pointing at Quinn, before turning to Melody, “And you and Danny …ALSO here..?” 

Never mind, I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me, don’t tell me, don’t tell me. 

The two nod in sync, holding back their laughs. 

“Well, that’s not fair!”

“This is truly taking years off my life,” I tell them while rubbing my temples, making them all giggle at my pain. 

“I’m not about to make it any better,” Melody says with a laugh, followed by the other two losing even more.

I hold up one finger while inhaling the rest of my drink, “Okay, I think I’m ready.” 

“So Daniel and I actually started dating in High School,” Melody says, pulling a quiet ‘awww’ from all of us, “We were together for a while before I decided to go to college out of state,” she tells us. 

I see him in the background, just scanning the room while Josh is making drinks, well, until he sees me looking back at him. Shit, shit, shit, shifting my eyes back to Melody.

“Anyway– I ran into Josh, who got me the job here, and I’m so thankful for it. The boys are so great, and I’m obviously not going to complain about getting to see Daniel again.” 

��I bet you’re not complaining,” Willa says suggestively with an exaggerated wink. 

“HE sure complained at first, though,” Quinn pipes up with a laugh.

“Oh hush,” Melody tries to brush it off, “I do love him for more than our sex life.”

Willa is quick to reply, “Whatever you say, girly.” 

“So.. what’s the part that will ruin my day?” I nervously ask. 

“Conveniently, the day you came in actually, Jake had sort of… walked in on us.” 

“Walked in on WHAT?” 

“The thing is.. The roads were terrible, so I asked Jake if he minded grabbing Iris-” Quinn quickly cuts off Melody. “YEAH, WE HAD A SLEEPOVER WITH THE CHILD,” Quinn can’t tell us fast enough. 

“Hey,” Willa, chuckling, gently grabs Quinn’s arm, “Charlotte was the only one not involved. You don’t need to yell.” 

“Sorry, I just love Iris a lot, okay?” 

“And she loves you back,” Melody reassures them, “Anyway, yes, so everybody else had a fun sleepover with my daughter, and I closed the bar with Daniel while having a weird argument–” 

Jake comes up between Quinn and Melody, placing one hand on Melody’s back, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I come bearing not watered-down drinks.”  

He starts placing the drinks on the table, having to slide mine and Willa’s across the table. 

I watch as he makes a little small talk with everyone and how much they all seem to like him. He seems too nice to be real. Everyone laughing with him, I look up at him before he slides my drink over to me. His hands. Oh my. He has rings on… oh my GOD. Trying not to be obvious, I quickly flit my eyes back up to meet his. 

“Thank you,” I mouth to him while the other three are talking. He mouths back, ‘Of course’, flashing me a smile. The boy is beautiful when he smiles. 

He turns to go back to the bar, and I just focus on him walking there; unknowingly, I am being watched.

“Charlotte!” 

“Yes?” I quip back; I can feel the heat in my face, but is it embarrassment or the alcohol? The world will never know.

“Are you… into Jake..?” Willa asks quietly. 

The other two leaned in on our little secret session, which I was not prepared for. 

“Nooo, no, no, no,” I can’t spit it out quickly enough.

Quinn lets out a laugh before choking out, “You were practically drooling over him,” 

“Ha ha.. Nooo.. I wasn’t,” I try to defend myself, scratching the back of my head, “Was it really that obvious?” 

A chorus of yelps elicited when I loosely admit to thinking he’s attractive. 

“Oh stoooop,” I cover my face. 

“Don’t be embarrassed– those Kiszka boys are incredibly charming,” Quinn states, “It’s hard not to fall for it.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about ‘charming’ per se, but they do have some good genes in that family.” Willa taking a light jab at Sam. 

“Really though,” Melody chimes in, “Jake is honestly very charming,” 

“Oh, he is absolutely,” 

“He’s too nice,”

Quinn and Willa tend to talk at the same time, and being a few drinks in does not help my deciphering of who said what, but at least when they’re on the same page, it helps. 

“He has been very easy to work with, so I would believe that,” I try to regain my composure,  even though the fact everybody thinks he’s sweet is not helpful to where my brain has been going all night. 

“I’m sure his brain just shuts down when you’re around,” Willa says into her glass before taking a sip. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Have you seen yourself?” Quinn questions, “You’re so hot?”

‘Mhm’ 

‘Yeah, you are.’ 

I know that my face is absolutely pink at this rate; I just shake my head ‘no.’

“I’m sure he sees plenty of pretty girls being a bartender,” I roll my eyes at the idea that he wouldn’t hit on other girls while he’s working. 

“Pretty sure the only one he entertains is Eleanor,” Melody giggles. 

“I’m almost positive he told Josh that he’d just marry her if he stayed single for too much longer,” Quinn says, looking over at Josh, who just blows a kiss to them. Wow, they’re so cute together. 

I watch as Melody taps on her phone, seeing the time, “Well, guys, I need to go relieve Josh for a bit.”

Quinn quickly stood up with their drink and nodded to the bar. Willa and I followed suit, migrating up to the bar. Claiming a bar stool and watching as Josh comes to find Quinn, quickly kissing their nose and then their forehead before Quinn snuggles themself into him for a brief moment. 

“Pretty cute, aren’t they?” Jacob whispers, scaring the living daylights out of me. 

“They really are,” I say, “And you need a bell or something because Jesus Christ.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he laughs, placing his hand on my back for a second, “I just need to get out of there for a minute,” he tells me.

 “So I’m going to run around to clean and just saw you fixated on them.” 

“Well, since you’re here, Jake,” Willa says loudly, leaning over to me and whispering, “Wanna see the boys squirm?” I simply nod with a grin plastered across my face. 

“Don’t you guys think Melody is insanely hot?” She questions everybody.

Daniel violently shakes his head, ‘Yes,’ while Melody laughs behind the bar. 

“I.. uhh,” Jake mumbles, holding the back of his neck, “I have tables to clean,” and quickly walks off to grab glasses. 

Sam’s eyes are wide, and his face is filled with panic. “Birdie, I can’t answer,” he begins to say before his brother abruptly cuts him off. 

“SMASH FOR SURE,” Josh confidently shouts, being met with a high five from Quinn. 

“You’re right, that was worth it,” I whisper, leaning into Willa. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I sat with everybody while they talked, well, yelled. This is a much louder group of friends than I’m used to. Granted, I have like..no group of friends. I listen to a lot of very odd conversations filled with Sam instigating Willa so that she would get a little pissed at him. There are plenty of lengthy stories from Josh, which probably wouldn’t take as long if he didn’t tell us every side story that goes along with it, but he’s so animated I guess I can’t really complain. 

“Here, Charlotte,” Melody says, “Jake told me how to make your drink, so .. I hope it tastes right,” 

I take a sip, oh lord, that is STRONG, “It’s great!” 

Why did I do that? She needs to learn… Not that I could even correct her right now. 

I sip on my drink for a while, feeling it hitting harder than I’m used to. Every so often, Jake comes out from behind the bar to make small talk with some of the customers or come bug his brothers for a few minutes. I always hope it’s the latter. 

“How are we doin’, Red?” 

I blink rather slowly, “I’m thriving,” slowly cracking a smile, knowing it sounded terrible coming out of my mouth. 

“Well, I’m so glad,” he tells me. The way he makes eye contact but also watches my mouth when I talk makes me want to scream. 

“You know,” I tell him, what are you doing? , “I dare ye to resist me booty,” the alcohol starts speaking. 

“Are…are you trying to flirt with me?” He laughs out. 

“Maybe, is it working?” I ask, biting the inside of my lip. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

“Oh– well,” he giggles quietly; leaning in, he rests one hand on the back of my barstool to support himself, but his face creeps in closer to my ear before he whispers, “You don’t even have to try with me, honey.” Fuck me. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I spend the rest of the night chatting with Quinn and Willa about the most random things. But I think that is what friends are supposed to do? 

Slowly, people start trickling out as it nears 1 a.m. I say my goodbyes to Sam and Willa, which is shortly followed by Josh and Quinn. Jake was nice enough to let Josh go to bed since he was here decorating so early. 

“Ready to go, ducky?” Daniel asks Melody;  party of one officially. 

“Oh, I am beyond ready,” she stretches her arms out before turning to me, “I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” 

Shit. I already forgot that I told her about the training earlier today. 

“Yes, you will! Can’t wait,” I do my best not to show that I definitely forgot and that I’m definitely NOT going to feel like shit in the morning now. 

“I’ll see you then,” she says with a little wink. 

I turn to the bar, leaning into my hand with a very minuscule smile painted on my face as I watch him. Just waiting for him to look over at me, I can’t help but stare. 

“I can feel you watching me,” he grins from the other end of the bar. 

“I’m debating on how I’m going to get home, is all,” I say with a sigh. 

“Did you drive here?” He asks. 

“Yep,”

“Okay, so, first of all, you’re not going to do that,” he tells me. 

“And why not?” I protest. He sauntered over to me, leaning against the bar. 

“You’re so pretty,” he says to me, glancing down at my lips until I finally pull the bottom one in with my teeth, “Yeah- you’re not driving.”

My jaw drops; he really got me there. 

“I can just call an Uber,” I tell him.

“Charlotte, I don’t love that idea. It’s almost 2 am, and I literally live just upstairs,” Jake continues to tell me I need to stay here, and I don’t know why I’m fighting it so hard. 

“I don’t want to impose,”

“I’m offering?” 

“Touche Captain,” I giggle a bit at the nickname. I bet he likes it. 

“Just hang out for a couple minutes so I can close the bar down,” he tells me. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“Don’t you want to clean?” 

“It’s so late. Josh can help me in the morning,” Jake speaks low as we walk into the stairwell. 

“Oh no,” slips out, “oh, I didn’t mean to actually say that,” 

Jake lets out a quiet laugh, “I got you, don’t worry,” 

Before I can react, he has his arm underneath mine, gesturing for my hand. I lace my fingers into his; the butterflies are back. How fun. He holds my hand tightly, letting me put a lot of my weight into him as we carefully go up the first flight of stairs. 

“I think I can do it,” I tell him; I absolutely cannot? 

“You sure about that, sport?” 

I squint at him and immediately stumble up the first couple of stairs of the second flight, letting out a small ‘oop.’

“Yeah, that’s what I figured,” He makes fun of me gently while supporting me again. 

This may be the longest stair climb of my life.

We finally make it to his apartment.

Jake whispers, “You can take my bed, and I’ll just sleep on the couch.”  He’s so cute when he’s concerned.

“Noooo, I can sleep on the couch. I’ve already inconvenienced you.” 

He blinks at me slowly, unamused. 

I can’t stop myself from walking towards his couch, and it’s a humbling moment for me as my legs wobble in the process. 

“No, you don’t,” Jake says from behind me. 

“Jake, really, I don’t mind,” I look back at him, disorienting myself from turning too quickly. 

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters as he grabs my arms to stop me from falling over. I just stare at him like a deer in headlights. 

“Yeah, I didn’t want it to come to this, but,” he says before he wraps his arms around my thighs, lifting me over his shoulder. 

Childlike laughter erupts from me as he carries me through his apartment into his bedroom. I can feel his chest vibrating subtly from giggling with me. 

“Here ya go,” he says, moving one hand to my back so he can set me down.  So carefully, making sure not to drop me, he leans down slowly. The feeling of falling became so real suddenly, that I instinctively held onto his shoulder, which pulled him back with me. He stumbles forward a bit, catching himself before landing on top of me. 

I prop myself up on my elbows as I laugh. He’s hovered over me, with a hand on either side; our faces are so close. 

We both freeze as we realize how close we are. I wonder how soft his lips really are… My eyes defy me, shifting down to look at his mouth, just for a second, as he watches me. 

Clearing his throat as he stands up. 

“Uh- here, let me get you a sweatshirt or something,” he sounds timid. Quickly shuffling through his closet, he pulled out a navy sweatshirt and handed it to me. 

“It’ll probably be a little bit loose on you, but better than sleeping like a pirate?” 

I chuckle, smiling up at him. Simply grateful for something comfortable to wear. 

“I’ll go so you can do that,” still clearly very nervous. 

Pulling my shirt over my head, I quickly pull the sweatshirt over me. I lock the bottom of it under my chin so I can see what I'm doing. Oh no. No, no, no, no. My zipper is stuck, and staring at it makes me cross-eyed. I drop my head back, letting out an angry sigh. Please just unzip. My hands get increasingly sweaty, making the stupid plastic zipper hard to grip. 

I hear a few soft knocks on the door before it cracks open. 

“Can I come in?” He asks. 

“Actually… I um… I need help.” 

Coming in quickly and shutting the door behind him, I just stare at him pathetically. 

“My zipper is stuck,” I tell him, embarrassed. 

He chokes back a laugh, setting a glass of water on the nightstand next to his bed. 

He kneels in front of me; oh, this is terrible. I lift the sweatshirt, revealing the catastrophic mess from me, yanking the zipper every which way. 

“Where the hell did you even get these, Red?” He asks, looking up at me with a soft giggle. 

I wish he would just focus. I don't need to look at him like this. Making eye contact causes my brain to short-circuit, and I stare back at him silently. Watching him try to figure out how the zipper got caught, he’s so carefully moving the fabric around. 

“How much do you care about these?” He asks, gently tapping my hip. 

“At this point,” I raise my eyebrows in defeat. 

“Are you sure?”

I just nod ‘yes’ in response. 

He grabs either side of the zipper and tears it apart quickly. The sound of the fabric ripping was relieving, well, for a second. Both of us smile at the fact that I’m free until he looks back down to see the lace of my thong peeking out. 

I see his eyes go wide, and the pink creep into his cheeks as he pinches the fabric together. 

“Oh,” slips out of me. I let the sweatshirt drop, falling to the tops of my thighs as the now ripped pirate pants hit the floor. 

“So, uh, well,” Jake says, holding the back of his neck while avoiding eye contact, “I will let you get some sleep.” 

I don’t know what possesses me to say, “Wait-“ 

Closing the gap between us, I lean up onto my toes slightly, placing a small kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you,” I tell him before crawling into his bed.

“Of course, m’lady,” he says with a bow. His little English accent laces the words, which makes me laugh. 

“Sleep well,” he whispers, shutting off the light as he leaves. 

I fall back into his bed, wrapping myself up in the blankets. They smell like him, comforting, warm. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Seven

Chapter Nine

FDOG Masterpost | Masterlist | FDOG Playlist

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[muppetjackrackham]

Lion I was singing Joanna from Sweeney Todd cuz I’ve been hearing the josh groban version all over tiktok and now I’m contemplating fully getting into it. Where do I start??

(insert public apology for using boomer meme templates to get the point across)

would that i had finished the deranged comic sans powerpoint 101 for sweeney todd by now i would link it here but as it is it still needs a lot of work before i'm even remotely comfortable posting it hOWEVER that doesn't mean i can't still be of some assistance

(disclaimer: i am about to throw a LOT of information at you and you are by no means obligated to try and digest it all at once please instead do so at your leisure/your level of interest instead)

sweeney todd 101 cliffnotes version for people who want to get into sweeney todd by someone who is way too invested in this show

sorry to anyone who doesn't like the office this is the only cold open that matters to me in this particular stage of life rn

so for those who aren't already familiar with sweeney todd (or have a passing familiarity with it either via sweeney todd related tiktok content or other similarly related content consumption) one of the first things i would recommend starting with is the 2007 tim burton film since it's a pretty good place to start (and also easily one of the best film adaptations of a musical imo). you can find it on hbo max or on youtube for 3.99 if you don't have and/or want to pay for an hbo max subsciption. (you can also 🏴‍☠️ it because capitalism sucks. remember to sail the seven seas* responsibly!)

johnny depp and helena bonham carter in sweeney todd (2007) dir. tim burton

now if you're interested in other productions (and/or not particularly interested in the film) there's the 2014 half concert half staged proshot starring emma thompson as mrs. lovett and christian borle as pirelli that you can find on youtube for FREE (here is a link to act one and another link to act two AND a link to the opening on it's own because it is absolutely PHENOMINAL i genuinely can't recommend it enough).

emma thompson and welsh opera singer sir byrn terfel jones in sweeney todd: the demon barber of fleet street in concert 2014

there is also the original 1982 proshot starring some of the original cast such as angela lansburry (unfortunately len cariou, the original sweeney does not reprise his role BUT george hearn does a phenominal job in the role). you can find this one on amazon for 3.99 to rent or it and a plethora of other musical proshots on BroadwayHD for 11.99/mo but unless you're interested in watching other musicals and plays on BroadwayHD i would suggest renting it on amazon or 🏴‍☠️ it for free if you know where to look (i honestly don't know what pirating musicals looks like outside of yt bootlegs and i am still very very new to actual bootleg trading so you'd have to ask someone else)

the late dame angela lansburry and george hearn in the 1982 proshot version of sweeney todd

and finally, my personal favourite, the 2023 broadway revival. unfortunately we only have five singles that have (officially) been released (which you can find here on spotify) but we also have the official ballad of sweeney todd performace from this year's tony awards AND there IS a way to watch it if you are like me and can't afford to fly to new york and see it at the lunt-fontanne theater (just dm me for the details). this is quite possibly my favourite version of this story and if great comet wasn't already an indicator that josh groban is a great fit for broadway this DEFINITELY is imo.

josh groban and annaleigh ashford in the 2023 broadway revival of sweeney todd that i am definitely very normal about

other recommendations include sideway's video essay on the music in sweeney todd, christine baranksi's version of worst pies in london (and her criminally underrated version of a little priest with kelsey grammar in a 20th anniversary concert version that i would give my left kidney to see in full), imelda staunton and michael ball's version of a little priest from a 2012 revival, patti lupone as mrs. lovett playing the tuba in the stripped down 2005 broadway revival, lin manuel miranda's sweeney todd themed hamilton parody for broadway cares featuring the funniest jonathan groff cameo i've seen in my life (and the recent ham4ham version performed by the current 2023 revival cast) and my last braincell when confronted with literally any sweeney todd related content these days.

[walterdecourceys]

what’s the best version of chess to watch for ur first time watching?

GOOD QUESTION there's not really an easy answer unfortunately 😭 so i will suggest a couple options instead!

unless you'd really prefer to watch it first: listen to the concept album. it's the first published iteration of chess and while there's still some gaps in the narrative it is widely agreed upon to be Good. it's synth-y. it's extremely 80s. murray head is in it. listen to the concept album

in terms of actually watching it. if you plan on watching other versions after/just want to get a really broad sense of the characters and story: IN MY PERSONAL OPINION chess in concert at the royal albert hall (2008) is still a decent version to start with. it's a semi-staged concert based on the london version of chess and for the most part i think it gives you a good sense of the general shape of the plot and characters (except for walter it introduces walter pretty badly. but i really like clarke peters's performance so it's forgiven slightly). a lot of people got really into chess through this one but more than a few people have also been super bored by it. so just keep that in mind 🫡 josh groban adam pascal and idina menzel are in it if that means anything to you

if you want to watch a fully staged production and don't mind some slightly fuzzy video quality: LONG BEACH. this is one of the best productions just about everyone loves long beach. i think the only downside to watching it first is that it is based on the broadway version, which is (IN MY PERSONAL OPINION) the better version of chess, but london (from what i've observed) tends to sometimes be the default when it comes to analysis/fanon/metatextual discussion. so just something to be aware of! but honestly as i'm typing this i'm becoming more firm in my stance that long beach is a very good first chess. no contest and let's work together are in it. it has one of the most gut-wrenching pity the child performances ever. watch long beach <3

ummm. those would be my like. general recommendations but if you're looking for something specific i can probably suggest something else as well... honestly all chesses are a little bit confusing and a little bit bad so it's not like there's one you Must watch first or absolutely Should Not watch first. actually probably don't watch sydney first it doesn't establish the characters very well

[quinnfebrey]

hello! next to normal is basically the only thing i've thought about for the past month and i'm dying to talk about it with someone so i'm just gonna leave a bunch of questions here please feel free to answers as many or as few as you like :D

would love to know what you thought about the west end covers you saw

who is your favourite person who has played each role?

you mentioned in your review that you find the west end gabe less creepy than i'm presuming aaron tviet's interpretation? would love if you wanted to elaborate more on that cause personally the west end gabe is the first time i've ever found him 'creepy'. aaron's always had a distinct jockish confidence to me that made him scary because he felt powerful but still not creepy imo

what're your favourite songs? mine are i am the one (reprise) and didn't i see this movie?

do you have any strong opinions on a movie adaptation? personally i hate the idea. i think so much of the power of the show comes from the fact that it's happening Right In Front Of You and i also think no matter what they did they'd butcher how gabe appears

if this version goes to broadway, who is your dream cast? (pretty sure caissie levy's a lock in bc according to the director he wouldn't have done the show if she didn't agree to play diana, but dream big or whatever)

hello!! thank u so much for this omg. i just replied to an ask about the west end covers

favorite person in each role: jessica phillips as diana, brian d'arcy james as dan, meghann fahy as natalie, louis hobson as madden/fine but trevor dion nicholas could usurp that i think! random but there's this regional production that had a gabe i LOVED (landen starkman), and then of course adam chanler beret IS henry

re: creepy gabe, what i mean by that is the freudian aspect to original gabe (think the original blocking of i am the one). they really took literally "he's a hero a lover a prince" which works and makes sense for bway but in the west end one it doesn't have the abstract/dream feel to it and that's probably they removed that aspect of gabe, it wouldn't transfer well. he's just less physically close and touchy with the goodman family

ahh i don't even know what my favorite songs are, they change depending on my mood lol. but i think i always love light and i've been

nooooo movie please they already let riverdale butcher the show i cant take a dearevanhansification of it. and you're right, there's no way to make gabe on screen work well. it needs to be a live production

for a broadway cast i wouldn't be mad at caissie levy!! if it takes a decade or more to get it back on broadway i'd love meghann fahy to return as diana. ben tyler cook or josh colley could do a great gabe, jordan fisher henry?? let adam chanler beret come back as madden/fine?? and this is kinda random but i saw josh groban in sweeney and was like oh that's dan goodman

[flannelepicurean]

HELLO, MINNEAPOLIS!

Oh my blog, bean buns. I just had THEEEEE wildest dream.

Absolutely PACKED concert stadium. Beautiful night. Fans in a mood of adoration.

RADITZ. Glorious. So much hair. Front and center, singing with his whole entire goddamn chest, I can't even describe the genre, but Big-Big Kitty Man Boyfie apparently has a voice that's like Josh Groban and Meat Loaf just Raditzissimo-ed together, and everyone went BA-NANNER-ZZZZZ. Of course.

And then he got this look of absolute feline delight and counted off a zesty, "ONE-TWO-TRUNKS-NAPPA!!!" so they could start jamming. The fuck. OOOUUUUUTTT.

Raditz on lead guitar and vocals, Kid Trunks slamming on bass, Nappa absolutely ANNIHILATING everyone on drums. I think Chi-Chi showed up on keyboards at some point. And then the genre was "Journey x Meat Loaf," because "Saiyans x Meat Loaf" seems to be a headcanon sticking point for me. It just makes cultural sense.

Also, during intermission, Goku came out and sat on the Flying Nimbus and played some chill bamboo flute jams for everybody. I guess so they could catch their breath and reorganize their minds before getting ANNIHILATED with the absolute VIGOR of the second half.

And in the "lead man lies on stage and talks to the audience for a minute" part that you get from Green Day, Raditz went full panther and looked out at the crowd and purred, "Hey, babes... Guess what? ...You're... still...

Here."

in the most adoringly threatening way. Like, a tone of, "I really want to bite you, and YES, it is sexual. But also romantic." Because it was like... referring to the fact that both he and Nappa (and by extension Vegeta) had totally come to Earth with EXTREMELY ill intentions for all the folks in front of them tonight. But something beautiful had happened that transformed all three of them, and now there's a bond of... THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. This beautiful moment between the two Saiyans up here and the THOUSANDS of you out there in front of us, celebrating how much we love each other. We love you as much or more than you love us, humans. Humanity. Earthlings. Earth. We love you. I want to bite you, and it's both sexual and romantic. I love you so much. Chomp-chomp.

NOW LET'S ROCK!!!

And they tore the fucking house down.

And then Raditz was like, "Aw-RIIIIIIGHTTT!!! GOOD NIGHT, MINNEAPOLIS!!!"

And this morning I woke up like, "...goddamn."

[jerzwriter]

Hi I know you mentioned you love Broadway in the past. I am going to visit New York this summer. Can you recommend some plays? Thank you.

Hey Nonny!

Yes! I am a Broadway Baby! I love, love, love theater - not only Broadway, but Broadway is the mecca. lol I'd love to help you - but maybe you can tell me a little more about what you like, then I may be able to hone in more on what you like.

But here are some suggestions.

Wicked - I've seen it five times, and I love it. I've taken many out-of-towners, and everyone has loved it. (Little secret: if you go to the in-person, day-of lottery, you have an excellent chance of getting deeply discounted tickets). I highly recommend this show.

The Lion King - it's still super popular. Personally, I am not a fan of the "Disnification" of Broadway (not even a little). But I must admit, this one was a very good production - but once was enough for me. I know many people who have won this lottery too.

Sweeney Todd - Disclaimer. I do not like this play... at all. I would never go see it. lol, But many people do, and Josh Groban is in the lead. I was almost tempted to go (but I won't, lol).

Parade - This revival has gotten smashing reviews. I'm going to see it soon, and I can't wait. It is HEAVY and SAD material, not exactly a feel-good musical. Ben Platt is the lead, and, honestly, the man is Broadway gold. I saw him in Dear Even Hansen (which, sadly, just closed) three times, and I'd pay to watch him sing the Yellow Pages.

Hamilton - It is a fucking masterpiece. There is no other way to put it. I had literal chills and honestly said, "Wow!" out loud without realizing I was going to say it. It's that good.

Aladdin - Disclaimer. NOT my thing (I do not like the Disnification of Broadway), but if you're into Disney, you'd probably like this. It is a great production. I'd just rather it not be on Broadway. lol If you like plays (not musicals) too, let me know, and I'll give you suggestions. I love plays, but not everyone does. I can also give you lots of tips on how to get discounted tickets. DM me if you're interested. I'm happy to help out! :)

[sixcostumerefs]

This isn’t Six related but you seem to understand how covers work better than I do, so maybe you can explain it to me. In Sweeney Todd on Broadway, the site says that the standby for Sweeney is the actor for Pirelli, and that confuses me. How can he be standing by while playing another principal role? Pirelli is a lot smaller of a role but it’s still a principal… What if (God forbid) something happen to Josh mid-show? Would they pull him off of Pirelli to cover the role?

Hey! As far as I know, everyone has the same question about why he's listed as standby, lol. Like you're saying, it doesn't follow the typical set up for a standby. I'd guess it might just be an optics thing - de Waal is a proper standby for Lovett/Beggar Woman, and listing a standby for those tracks but not Sweeney would appear odd in the Playbill. And since standby is technically a step above understudy in coverage, he might be perceived by audiences as a step above/better than if he were listed as an understudy. (It's also not uncommon for Playbills to list someone with a title that's technically different than the proper one for their role - Six itself uses "alternate" for Broadway despite them not actually being alts) I'd assume it just means the exact same thing as it would for an offstage/proper standby: he's the first priority to go on if Groban is out. That would be pre-scheduled vacations, but also anything else that comes up like illness or injury. In his case he just has the complicating factor of, even if he's not needed for Sweeney, he'll still be on as his normal Pirelli track. As far as mid-show covers, who knows! Those are really pretty rare, particularly for principal tracks like Sweeney, so it may not ever be relevant. Typically, every track has to have at least two covers, so one of the other ensemble members (Paul-Jordan Jansen) also covers Sweeney. If there IS a mid-show cover needed, then they'd probably pull whichever of them was already ready to go on. As standby, Christopher should know it well enough that he could switch tracks mid-show like that if needed, but for them to do that a Pirelli understudy would also have to switch to cover Pirelli (they're both onstage ensemble as well), and then a swing would have to be swung on for that ensemble cover track too (for UK readers, US swings are basically always offstage swings). Jansen isn't first priority cover, but he could go on mid-show with only a swing swinging on to cover his usual track, so they might go for that in that scenario. It also really depends on when something like that might happen in the show - Pirelli dies in Act 1, so if Groban has to go off anytime during Act 2 it would be easy for Christopher to swing on. This particular production does get complicated by all the understudies for both Sweeney and Pirelli having typical onstage tracks, which is fairly out of the ordinary. it's pretty common for at one out of the two understudies for most principals roles to be an offstage swing or standby, which is for a number of reasons but definitely helps with the ease of mid-show swing ons in scenarios like what you're asking about! Take the most recent Broadway revival of The Color Purple as an example: Adrianna Hicks and Bre Jackson were the two Celie understudies, with Adrianna as the first priority cover. Bre had a typical onstage ensemble track, but Adrianna was a swing. If Erivo had to call out mid-show, Adrianna typically would have been available to swing on. All that to say......Sweeney could totally figure it out if there are any mid-show covers and those are pretty few and far between anyway! But yes, since all their covers (Pirelli included) are usually onstage it would require some rearranging and extra steps.

Hope that helps!

[lorbanery]

So

I was randomly thinking about the movie A.I. tonight (okay not THAT randomly, I love the Josh Groban song from it and was singing it to the toddler during bedtime) and it suddenly struck me

just how queer that movie is

Like, follow me on this journey for a moment.

A.I. is a futuristic Pinocchio, okay, that's pretty

I mean it's not like Spielberg was being subtle about it, David literally obsessed over Pinocchio and the main part of the movie followed his journey to find the Blue Fairy so he could ask her to make him a real boy.

But so, Pinocchio

You have a boy. He's a fake boy made as a replacement for another boy (whether that other boy is dead or sick or is just the hope of a boy who was never born isn't the most important part here).

That fake boy, feeling inadequate, wants to become a real boy. So he goes on a journey to become a real boy, gets waylaid and distracted here and there, but eventually he ends up in the ocean and rejoins his parent within a Large Thing.

Pinocchio. Straightforward, most of us are familiar with it.

But here's the crucial part where A.I. diverges from the original story that makes it actually kind of queer

In Pinocchio, the Blue Fairy turns him into a real boy so that Pinocchio can truly be the son Geppetto's always wanted.

But with David, instead of being changed into something more acceptable to the family who rejected him, he's given, instead, a version of his family that loves him for what he already is. David isn't turned into a Real Boy. Instead, he remains a Fake Boy and is given a Fake Family and a Fake Home that will always be what he needs and wants it to be.

Like, just think about it

David is mostly loved by one parent, but the other rejects him almost immediately. Not because of anything he's done, not yet, but because of what he is. He's disgusted by everything David is and represents. Even the ill son who was expected to never recover, who David was meant to replace, eventually recovers and, when he comes home, he's also judgmental of David. He's disrespectful, he doesn't understand how David feels, or why, and he doesn't care to.

You can argue that he's justified as a previously terminally ill child who came home to find his mother tried to replace him with a robot before he was even actually dead. And you're not wrong! But looking at David's experiences through a queer lens, the point still stands.

David continues to be mistreated by the fatjer, the son, and their friends, culminating in dangerous accidents that give the father the ammunition he needs to convince the mother to finally turn her back on David and kick him out of the house.

Joined by some other robotic misfits, David finds himself homeless, wandering a world he quickly comes to realize hates people like him. They're considered dangerous, unnatural, a threat to humanity and society and their way of life. Not because of anything they've done, just by existing. It's horrible, and David decides that what he really needs to do is find the Blue Fairy, who will turn him into someone who society and his mother will finally be able to love.

After some twists and turns that include the revelation that the man who created him designed him to replace his own dead son, but now also rejects him for not being what he wanted, David finally finds the object of his search. In the depths of a sunken New York City, in an old amusement park, David finds the Blue Fairy.

And he sits and he wishes until his power cells run out and no matter how long he wishes for, this fairy from the story his mother read to him, who was supposed to be able to help him, never grants his wish.

But then, he wakes up again.

And instead of being surrounded by people who hate and fear him, David is surrounded by beings who see him as something special and unique. Not because of what he wanted to change into, but because of what he already is. He himself is important, invaluable. And because they value him so much as he already is, they give him a new home. They gift this fake boy a fake home and a fake mother who loves him for all that he already is. Who isn't fearful of him, deep down. Who can't be swayed by the people who hate him.

David ends the movie finding love and acceptance, not because he changed into something more acceptable to the people who rejected him. But love and acceptance for who he actually is.

And yes, it's a little bittersweet. Because wouldn't it have been better if David's mother had been able to just love him and stand up for him? Wouldn't it have been better if the father and son had been able to open up their hearts to him? Wouldn't it have been better if he hadn't had to travel so very far from home to find that acceptance? But those are the tragedies you have to deal with when your family rejects you.

I'm sure people who are better writers and smarter and more eloquent than I am and who've been queer longer than I've known that about myself, have talked and written about this before. But I was so amazed and touched when I realized it, I needed to get it down.

The ending of A.I. has always stayed with me, even though it made me kind of uncomfortable. And I never understood why, until now.

[televinita]

Watched Willy Wonka (l'original) tonight for the first time in...many many years.

I still like it and the 2005 movie equally and Refuse 2 Choose, but either way you're getting my thoughts on it while they're fresh:

Things I Remember And Love:

Grandpa Joe

All the child actors, who like Grandpa are uniformly amazing and more vibrant than their 2005 counterparts

The Oompa Loompas and more importantly, their song(s); incredible and iconic contribution to the musical canon

Everything that happens to every greedy child

The golden geese who lay golden eggs!!

How incredibly 70s the first candy room set looks (not unlike the overly saturated photos in cookbooks of that era)...and yet it still looks so delicious.

Not remembered from viewing, so much, but it was quite fun to see and actually hear "no, stop, come back" in context instead of just a reaction image/gif.

Things I Forgot

-How long it takes before we finally see Wonka (I also forgot his forward somersault in greeting)

-What constitutes an "overweight child" in 1971

-Charlie's weird teacher and multiple scenes in class

-The creepy pedo-lookin' German man who sidles up out of nowhere to whisper in the winners' ears and goes apparently unseen by all the caring adults in the vicinity

-That this is a musical, despite knowing full well that "Pure Imagination" (the song I hate so much neither Glee nor Josh Groban can redeem it) comes from here. And I was in full Red Foreman "are you people singing again?" mode (minus his subsequent joining in) every time another boring-ass ballad began.

-Wonka is more genuinely insane than in my memory. Depp!Wonka is kookily off his rocker, but Wilder!Wonka is clinically deranged and I am ninety-nine percent sure no one who left the tour subsequently left that factory alive.

-WHAT IN THE ACID TRIP BOAT RIDE

-The "I said good day" dismissal, which -- wait, is that what Fez is referencing when he says that?? Did the show ever reference him seeing this movie? Wait. Can you imagine him seeing this movie for the first time while high? Oh, the gang would totally introduce him to this movie while they're all high. This fic is practically writing itself. (surely no one else has had this idea in the last 25 years)

-Also forgot how abruptly it ends. It took so long to get to the factory that I was not prepared for it to end approximately one minute after they leave his office and are still in the elevator (it has been even longer since I read the book, though)

Bonus Fun Facts

I was actually visiting my parents tonight -- we ended up watching this because Mom was browsing around Tubi and saw this, and after chatting about our memories someone suggested, "should we watch a little bit?" (which of course became all of it)

My parents both commented that it was making them crave chocolate/candy...and then at a key point, Dad disappeared into the kitchen for a bit. He returned proudly holding a 3-piece box of Ferrero Rocher and announced, "I found the golden ticket!"

[selkiesstories]

Daemon's reaction is obviously "Kill Bill Sirens" lol

I'm very much an angst/romance girl, but here are my picks:

The Phantom of the Opera/ Music of the Night (The Phantom of the Opera) - I don't know so much about the songs, but these two always struck me as Hades welcoming Persephone to the Underworld.

The Beauty Underneath (Love Never Dies)- just substitute a love interest for the kid

Why, God, Why? (Miss Saigon)- ok most of the lyrics don't fit but the borderline self loathing, the discovery of love too late? Yes

As Long as You're Mine (Wicked)- "Say there's no future/ for us as pair./ And though I may know/ I don't care"

Tonight (West Side Story)- Romeo and Juliet need their musical counterpart (also Baegon content line)

Rumpelstiltskin in Love (OUAT)- the Rumbelle parallels

Slipping Through My Fingers (Mamma Mia!)- I mean it's AU Laena can be alive?

The Highwayman Loreena McKennitt- tragic romance

Remember Josh Groban (Troy 2004 soundtrack) "As long as/ I still can reach out/ and touch you/ then I/ will never die"

I’m making a Rhaemond playlist any song suggestions?

[burgundy-and-navy]

callum deserves his aaron dingle moment

Here's the thing I'm looking forward to a ballum reunion. Admittedly I have some fears about it, but for the most part I don't care. Ben finally gets to go home. Callum gets his family back. I'm perfectly fine with the reunion also being lowkey. I think after everything something small and quiet and soft would be really nice. I don't need a special episode, but the one thing I think the show needs to do have callum show some self-awareness and this is where emmerdale comes into it.

I love the big robron reunion episode. I love everything at the club, Robert getting to say that Aaron really hurt him by leaving and have those feelings be treated as valid, and I love a good monologue. I don't think ballum needs all these things. But one of the moments that I really love in the ed episode, and i think ee could learn from, is when Aaron took accountability for his actions, both before and during the break up. I mean I was near cheering when I saw that. Because just like with ballum that break up was ultimately the fault of both characters. And I don't just love it because of the reunion, I love it as a moment of growth. Aaron recognises that he can't just blame Robert or Rebecca for the break down of his marriage. It's him being reflective and working to be better. It is a massive character moment irrespective of the relationship and callum deserves that too.

Because like Callum, Aaron fully scapegoated Robert during their break up. Everything was Robert's fault even though, pre-Rebecca especially, Aaron's behavior directly contribute to their relationship falling apart. He attacked a dude and ended up in prison and still wholly blamed Robert for that. It got to the point where it was frustrating to watch. It didn't mean I didn't like the character or didn't find his actions understandable, that's the tragedy of that era. But even after the break up, as time went on, I found Aaron to be cruel at times and that's with the knowledge that Robert did actually cheat. I mean I love the final scene of christmas 2017, genuinely my fav ed scene, but part of me just cringes when Aaron does his 'i am moving on and that might not be with alex but at least it won't be with you' bit, cause its kicking a man when he was already down.

I think its slightly worse for Callum, because his martial failures are simultanously way more noticable (i mean going get over your ptsd or i'll divorce, or ignoring ben breakdown over the poster -yelling im scared while hitting yourself in the head are not the behaviors of someone who is well- are just horrible things to do, and if it was any other character but especially ben there would be ten thousand think pieces about how it's emotionally abusive) but seemingly forgotten about, and personally that's spoiling things a little for me. Like with today's line about I know when you're struggling, part of me was like 'aw that's lovely' and then the part was bitterly going 'do you now Callum, cause I distinctly remember the several months when you either didn't notice or didn't care.' And that is pre-Lewis. Selfishly, just a line were Callum accepts some fault would just make me enjoy things a bit more.

I like callum, I really do, but when ee leans in to this saint callum thing all it does is piss me off, cause guess what this year callum has treated ben way worse then ben treated callum. And by not acknowledging that they're doing a massive disservice to the character. The reason he can feel flat at times isn't because he's treated like just ben's husband, it's because he's treated like he's without sin, even when he is clearly in the wrong. It's a soap opera. Characters are sinful. Characters in soaps are messy and make mistakes and struggle, but they also work to be better, and that's starts with taking accountability. That's what makes them meaningful. All it takes is just one line where he goes 'hey I was wrong too, but I'll try be better.' Let callum have his aaron dingle moment, he deserves it.

[magnoliawitchcraft]

HOLD A FUNERAL FOR YOUR OLD HEART

I have been thinking a lot about grief. Probably because I have been doing it pretty consistently. Sometimes I feel as if I am getting worse. Other times I feel as if I am getting better. But it sits like a cannonball on my chest. It caves in my ribs and hollows me. But that's part of my practice, learning to sit with it. Letting time pass and heal with people I love and devotion to my practice. A victory only won through patience and the gifts of others.

That being said, I am also crazy.

So I did what any stellar, big bosomed, dramatic woman of my stature would do. I threw a party. If you're still reading, you might be interested in throwing a fun'eral for your old, broken heart too. I know I did. Fuck it, that bitch will be back in a week. Here's how I did mine. You're going to need:

-empty box (make it small, like a cardboard jewelry box or a matchbook)

- piece of paper

- something to draw with, but the more time you put into the drawing, the better.

- Something to light this on fire (don't be stupid, stupid. It's not witchcraft if it's not fire safe).

THE PROCESS

Draw your heart. Make it however you want. Runes, sigils, art, secrets. Something worth devotion and time, literally put your heart into it. For easy prompt, write down what you feared and what's worth acknowledging and letting go of.

Put that shit in the box (if you're Yzma from the Emporer's New Groove, put that box in another box. And then mail that box to yourself. And then smash it with a hammer.)

Now here comes the fun part. Throw yourself a party. Just for you. Alone. Get all dressed up in your best goth outfit. There are musts in witchcraft, but theatrics for this spell is a mist. Play the most over dramatic funeral music you can. Like "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban. Or "Wind Beneath my Wings" by Bette Midler. Lean into the silliness of the whole event. Make sure that you are along and have a genuinely nice time by yourself. And when you're done putting on this show for yourself, read the person who you were a eulogy. This is the one serious part of this entire endeavor.

-THE EULOGY-

This is the hard part because you have to be kind to the person who you were. You have to be kind to the part of yourself that feels yucky. Self love isn't always accessible, but you're by yourself. This is a good time to practice one action of self kindness. Depending on where you are emotionally, you might not have the practice and strength to be able to perform self kindness. If not, you're more than welcome to base yours of mine.

For me I wrote something like this:

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to honor the passing of me.

From one point of time to the next, I will move and transform. The person who I was is honored here. They are at rest within the casket of time. You have taught me much, but I no longer wish to be ruled by you. Thank you for serving me well. May your rest be sweet and warm. I ask for your guidance and protection cares and informs me."

This concludes the eulogy.

-THE BURIAL-

It's time to bury your heart! This is an important step because the earth heals all that is returned to it. There are lots of ways to give your old heart a burial. The traditional way of burying it in the earth is most conventional (if it's not biodegradable like plastic or glass, don't put it in the ground, we share the earth with critters). However you can also:

- burn it

- let it down a stream

- put it deep in the garbage

- scatter it to the wind

- take it to a park and leave it underneath a bush and then when you try to get on the bus you realize you were late to the bus and then wait 20 minutes for the next bus because you're not psychic just a witch

Regardless, there is one final offering that we leave for the person that we were. That is the joy of living now. Before leaving or releasing your heart in its coffin, thank your heart and tell it a story. Sing it a song. From your body and breath, speak words of promise for tomorrow. While the old heart might not be able to come with, the new heart will experience enough joy for the person you are and the person you were.

Now get on the bus and listen to some 70s disco. Congrats on the fun'eral, go celebrate.

May the gifts of the earth be ceaseless at your hearth.

<3 Magnolia

[arctic-comet]

Osblaine week 2021, Day 2: Lyrics

Over the last several weeks, I have carefully curated a playlist for Osblaine. The final total length of the playlist is 2 hours and 53 minutes.

The playlist can be found HERE

Click "Keep Reading" if you're interested in the introduction, commentary, more graphics and the full tracklist.

For full disclosure, I have to give some of the credit to my amazing fellow Osblaine fangirls @dystopiandramaqueen, @splitscreen and everyone who participated in a certain conversation for the original inspiration and even bringing up some of the songs.

You should look at the playlist in five parts: one section for each season that's aired and one section for the future (because I like to end things on a hopeful note).

The playlist contains a lot of the following:

Music from movie and TV soundtracks

Instrumental music

Remixes

Classics and covers of classics

Country music. I blame Florida. My sincerest apologies.

Some of the songs were chosen because they reminded me of a certain Osblaine scene, and some of them aren't specific to particular scenes but chosen for the general Osblaine vibe. And most of the movie/TV music I chose have been used for couples that remind me of Nick and June.

Part I- Season 1, first 12 songs of the playlist:

Forbidden Love- Abel Korzeniowski, Jasper Randall, The Hollywood Studio Symphony (Romeo & Juliet)

Fireflies- Owl City

Echoes in Rain- Enya

My Ghost- Glass Pear (Bones)

Daring to Hope- Anne Dudley (Poldark)

Everytime We Touch- Cascada

1000 Times- Sara Bareilles

Too Good At Goodbyes- Sam Smith

In Case You Don't Live Forever- Ben Platt

To Find You- Cast of Sing Street, Brenock O’Connor

She- Elvis Costello (Notting Hill)

Miracle- Instrumental- Cö Shu Nie

Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse

Commentary:

The first instrumental song IMO works as an intro for their entire love story.

The next two songs are more about having the right vibe. It's a little ambiguous and dark because that's how their life is in Gilead.

Leave my door open just a crack

Please take me away from here

'Cause I feel like such an insomniac

Please take me away from here

Why do I tire of counting sheep?

Please take me away from here

When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

***

Wait for the sun

Watching the sky

Black as a crow

Night passes by

Taking the stars

So far away

Everything flows

Here comes another new day

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

***

"My Ghost" is June's POV before they sleep together, wondering if she can trust Nick:

Who can you trust, in this place?

And whom can I put my faith?

If you're real, then show me now,

Who you are

The last two songs are for episode 1x10, for both Nick’s reaction to June’s pregnancy and the beginning of her first escape attempt (arranged by Nick).

She may be the face I can't forget The trace of pleasure or regret May be my treasure or the price I have to pay She may be the song that summer sings Maybe the chill that autumn brings Maybe a hundred different things Within the measure of a day

Part II- Season 2, next 10 songs:

Love Will Keep Us Alive- Eagles

So Easy- Phillip Phillips

Incomplete- James Bay

Rewrite the Stars- The Piano Guys (The Greatest Showman)

I’ll Be Your Shelter- Taylor Dayne

Love Never Fails- Brandon Heath

P.S. I Love You- 05:11- John Powell (P.S. I Love You)

It's A Girl- Mychel Danna (The Time Traveler's Wife)

I'll Stand By You- Josh Groban, Helene Fischer

The Miracle of Love- Eurythmics

Commentary:

The first four songs cover June’s escape attempt and the time they share at the Boston Globe.

"Incomplete" is Nick's POV from when she's on the run and he knows she'll be gone from his life soon. He lives in the moment.

I don't wanna look down

I don't want us to break up in the clouds

All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now

"I'll Be Your Shelter" is for when June's mental health is at its lowest point and he goes to Serena to beg for her to get June help.

What you need is a friend to count on

What you got baby you got someone

Who will stay when the rain is fallin'

And won't let it fall on you

P.S. I Love You takes me back to episode 2.09, Nick’s selflessness in the episode and of course the scene where after telling June that Luke loves her, he tells her that he loves her too, despite believing she probably doesn’t feel the same way.

It's A Girl makes me think of the beautiful moment they share during June's false labor when he helps her out of the van and they climb the steps together.

I’ll Stand By You is for 2.10, Nick holding June after she was heartbroken over Hannah and over what the Waterfords did to her and clinging onto him.

Part III- Season 3, next 6 songs:

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close- Alexandre Desplat (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

All I Ask- Adele

Never Enough- Loren Allred (The Greatest Showman)

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever- Taylor Swift, ZAYN (Fifty Shades Darker)

Love is Gone- SLANDER, Dylan Matthew

Constellations- The Oh Hellos

Commentary:

For obvious reasons, it was extremely difficult to pick songs for this season.

The first (instrumental) song is for the beginning of the season with June coming back to the Waterford house and them then saying goodbye to each other on the street.

All I Ask, Never Enough, I Don't Wanna Live Forever and Love Is Gone are for their night together in June’s room at Lawrence’s (the one we didn’t get to see sigh). They know it's possible it's all they'll ever have, and they'll take it, but it'll never be enough.

I will leave my heart at the door I won't say a word They've all been said before, you know So why don't we just play pretend? Like we're not scared of what's coming next Or scared of having nothing left

Look, don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow All I ask is

If this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?

***

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

***

I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me

I know that your love is gone

I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy

Don't tell me that your love is gone

That your love is gone

"Constellations" is for their long separation and the doubts that I'm sure plagued them both during it. Would they ever see each other again?

Part IV- S4, next 12 songs:

All of Me- John Legend

(Everything I do) I Do It For You- Bryan Adams

Iris- Natalie Taylor (City of Angels)

She Was Like A Bright Light- Hans Zimmer, Rupert Greyson-Williams (Winter’s Tale)

Noah's Last Letter- Aaron Zigman (The Notebook)

What’s In The Middle- the bird and the bee (Bones)

ivy- Taylor Swift

Footprints in the Sand- Leona Lewis

Remember Me (Lullaby)- Gael Garcia Bernal, Gabriella Flores (Coco)

On The Nature Of Daylight- Max Richter

My Heart Will Go On- Basil Jose (Titanic)

The Story- Sara Ramirez (Grey's Anatomy)

Commentary:

There were sooo many songs I wanted to include in part IV, but I controlled myself and ended up with this particular dozen.

"She Was Like A Bright Light" and "Noah’s Last Letter" are an instrumental double punch to the gut for Nick’s time in Gilead during episodes 4.07-4.09. The first one is meant for when he finds out June made it to Canada, and the 2nd for is for when he starts to gather info on Hannah to give to June.

"What’s in the Middle" and "ivy" are June’s POV of episodes 4.07-4.09.

"What's In The Middle" has more of an angry and confused vibe, and June was definitely both in episodes 7 and 8.

Losing your head is such a common theme

All your brains are falling out, falling out the open seams

Where is the heart, is the heart of the matter

I will empty out my skull of all this useless chatter

On the other hand, "ivy" has this haunted vibe, but there's also reverence and acceptance, which she begins to achieve in episode 9.

Oh, goddamn

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows

And now I'm covered in you

The next three songs are of course all for their reunion in 4.09, and I couldn’t resist including the song that was actually played in the scene.

"The Story" draws the season to a close nicely, with June understanding that her current needs are different from what they used to be and that there’s someone who understands her completely (and it’s not Luke).

You see the smile that's on my mouth

It's hiding the words that don't come out

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

They don't know my head is a mess

No, they don't know who I really am

And they don't know what I've been through like you do

And I was made for you

Part V- Season 5 and Beyond, the last 6 songs

Secret Love Song- Little Mix, Jason Derulo

Burn With You- Lea Michele

The Bones- Maren Morris

Feels Like Home- Auli'i Carvalho, Keegan DeWitt

Love Will Find A Way- Piano Covers (Lion King II)

Like I'll Never Love You Again- Carrie Underwood

“Secret Love Song” is a more angsty tune about a love that’s still kept a secret like June and Nick’s love (as far as most people are concerned). Now that they’ve already made out in front of the man who raped and abused June and made Nick watch him do that, I want to believe they can let go of the secrecy in S5, at least when it comes to a few people.

I'm living for that day Someday Can I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that we could be like that Why can't we it be like that? Cause I'm yours, I'm yours Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't we be like that? Wish we could be like that

***

“Bones” is about a relationship with a strong foundation, which IMO they do have. It will carry them in the future, too. They’re more into each other now than ever before and especially June is coming to terms with how strong that love is. They’ll weather any storm.

When the bones are good, the rest don't matter

Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter

Let it break 'cause you and I remain the same

When there ain't a crack in the foundation

Baby, I know any storm we're facing

Will blow right over while we stay put

The house don't fall when the bones are good

***

“Feels Like Home” is more hopeful. Their home is with each other and I hope that’s something that will be explored more in the future.

Take me, I'm ready

Go slow but go steady

To a place that we can call our own

I wanna know what feels like home

***

“Like I’ll Never Love You Again” is a good conclusion for the playlist. It’s hopeful and a testament to an epic love.

I wanna love you like the rain on a roof

Stronger than a bottle of a hundred ten proof

I wanna take love to places that love has never been

Yeah, I wanna love you like I'll never love you again

And I'll love you again

Oh, and again

[emberfaye]

OK! for the time-themed fanfic asks: monday, saturday, march, august, september, november, minutes, tomorrow, today, forever (As ever, I know I asked a ridiculous amount because I'm a curious little thing, so if it's overwhelming, just pick the ones that you want to answer!) (Tumblr told me it ate the first one I submitted, so sorry if you're actually getting this twice)

Oooh thank you for these fanfic asks!

monday: do you struggle with the ‘boring’ parts of writing?What do you mean by boring? Like, editing? Formatting? I dislike formatting. Irarely edit (I know, I am awful and always regret it). So I guess yes.

saturday: what gets you excited whilst writing?When I’m sitting there and realize that I made an accidental parallel and hopesomeone sees it, or I drop in a little “easter egg”. I also love when I figurea character out for the first time, and nail their voice and get better atwriting them.

march: do you listen to music whilst writing?Definitely. I rarely write in silence. Usually I put it on a Pandora stationlike Loreena Mckennett, josh groban, instrumental, p!nk, or Lana del rey.Sometimes I write with a song on repeat, if it is a short story and veryintense.

august: are any of your fics associated with certaingenres/artists/songs/etc? I do have a really old Goku/Chichi from DBZ that is a songfic to a countrysong. My post Ride the Storm Cassie book is titled after a lostprophetssong/lyrics, and I have been outlining and plotting a Sakura (Naruto) storythat uses a certain artist’s playlist as a backdrop to her life.

september: share a comment or review which still warms your heart?“Thank you for all the brief yet meaningfulJxA moments of domesticity. And your writing – you softly add detail afterdetail like a painter’s gentle brushstrokes on a canvas. Lovely.Of course I will gladly read an 8th, 9th and any otherpossible chapter you may add in the future :)”

november: do you have any rituals or requirements for getting in themood for writing?Not really. Other than putting on Pandora. I used to love writing withheadphones. Like, the ones that go over your head like DJs wear. Made me feelmore prepared.

minutes: how long does it normally take you tocomplete a fic?Oh shoot way to call me out. =P So. If we count the actual literal writingportion where my hands are on the keyboard and my fingers are moving, I canwrite about 3k or so in an hour. Most of my longer one shots take less than 3hours to be written. I however tend to split those three hours into a few days,and do half and half. That’s if I actually finish something lol. I don’t knowthat I’ve ever finished a chapter story urgh.

tomorrow: favouriteways to write fluff?Hm…I’m not sure how to answer it. I love established relationship fluff, wherethere’s a level of understanding but also still getting surprised by theirpartner being sweet. I love to add a dose of humor or angst into it because I’mthat bitch.

today: have you madeany progress in any wips today?Yes, actually! I wrote about 1200 words and finished a one-shot. I’m waitingfor a beta reader to look it over and then I’m gonna post it.

forever: do you balance fic writing with originalconcept stuff?It’s not equally balanced, but I do write and work on original stories. Iusually attempt them mostly around the Nano events, but I’m trying to getbetter and get stuff published soon so I’m trying to finish up my fanfic WIPsand then devote a bit more time to orginal stuff so that I can do both better.=)

Never, ever apologize for asking a ton of questions, I love it and it means you actually care.

[talkfantasytome]

Hi! It's your secret santa:))

I was wondering if you had a favourite fic? From the ones that you've written?

Also who are your top 5 artists/groups/bands?

🎅🏼🌟

Hi Santa! Hope you're well and that you had a lovely weekend! 😄

Those are really tough questions! I think my personal favorite AU I have is for "Velaris State Chronicles". I was exceedingly please with my recent part, part 2 for "Evening Etiquette". lol But I also just enjoy the AU. However, for specific fics...I did really like "Something Deeper" (If You Love Her | The Way I Loved You). I also love "The Girl in the Hat", it just holds the piece of my heart I put into it. And lastly, I'm still quite attached to "Did You Know You Have a Freckle?" within my "Velaris Tattoo Parlor" AU. I just was really happy with the concept and execution of it, just that sweet, loving way he was watching Nesta, learning her as he thought about the previous night had me very 🥺.

Um, the next question's answer got long, so adding a quick break...sorry...asking me about my music tastes is not a simple question. 😬

As for artists...oh gosh...I honestly don't know if I truly have a top 5, because it can really shift and change a lot. Vocally speaking, no one beats Ramin Karimloo. But he mostly does covers and showtunes (though often super beautiful ones). I'm also actually a fan of Frank Sinatra, at least some of his stuff. I do love Taylor Swift, of course, though not Reputation or Lover, and only, like, three songs from 1989. Those albums just aren't really my style. I like early Beatles, but not the biggest fan of their later stuff. Otherwise, I typically have a larger handful of current "favs" all for one song or two songs...Spotify was made for people like me. 😂

However, if this helps, I tend to enjoy music, and there's not a lot of stuff out there I really hate. But, I often gravitate more toward acoustic, maybe some indie type styles, softer styles in general, and most importantly: melodic. If the melody doesn't draw me in, I'm not likely to enjoy the song no matter how amazing the lyrics are. It's why I don't tend to go for Hip Hop, because it's not really a melodic style of music (but, yes, I love "Hamilton"). Also, no metal. Heavy or otherwise. Just not a metal person. I don't solely like acoustic and softer styles, though. I enjoy power ballads, country, tend to love late '50s and early '60s (though not really Elvis, cause I just don't really like his voice), and I'm actually a fairly big fan of ABBA. Def enjoy some classic rock, though typically not the "big" classic rock bands as much as lesser known stuff that randomly shows up on my Spotify or on the radio and I'm like "oh, this is nice". And, of course, big fan of showtunes. My favorites include Les Mis, Phantom, and I actually adored all the new pieces added for the 2017 Beauty and the Beast (sorry, not sorry, that live action remake wasn't a waste like some were, and I prefer Dan Stevens' Evermore to Josh Groban's - feels like blasphemy, but he hits that one sound that just brings me to my KNEES when a guy hits it).

OH, THAT REMINDS ME! So, I absolutely love plenty of female artists, but in general I tend to prefer male voices. Typically, if I'm listening to a woman artist, it's for the music, the lyrics, because she sounds good doing it of course, and the whole thing. But with male artists, I often find myself enjoying all of that, and also really appreciating their voices in a way I just don't typically with females. And it does lead to me tending to have more male artists than female artists on my playlists, pending the playlist and purpose. My "I Got This" playlist is littered with females doing power ballads and songs about how they'll rise up and succeed and stuff like that. XD

So, yeah, that's now a lot of information because my music tastes are kinda complicated. 😂 But, if you have further questions, I'm happy to answer them!