#also ty to everyone who is patient with the way my posts get during these times...🩵

[celiaelise]

Literally every time I go off a psych med for a few days, even when i KNOW that's what's going on, I get SO weird and self-deprecating, like, "my life is falling apart", "I'm doing such a bad job going to sleep on time, I should be better!", "maybe I just really can't handle my commitments", and it's like. Girl you are literally in withdrawal from prozac, calm DOWN.

(I'm on a lot of controlled substances that can't be refilled automatically, and I'm a disorganized mess of a person, so unfortunately this happens with some regularity.)

Like, even when I KNOW 100% what's going on... I'll just forget as soon as there's an opportunity to be like, "wow I guess I fucked up AGAIN..."

[viennakarma]

Satisfaction [Part 1]

Lewis Hamilton x reader

Summary: Four times you tried to befriend Lewis, and one time you didn't.

Word count: 2.1k

Tags: female!reader, asshole!Lewis (he will get better), physiotherapist!reader, no romance yet, Lewis is being rude, reader is trying, cursing, a bit angsty, not beta read

Note: Lewis is being kind of an asshole, but I promise he will grovel a lot. This is a two part story. Gentle reminder that english is not my first language (so please bear any mistake), I'm also taking requests for F1 drabbles and oneshots (at this moment I'm writing for Lewis, Fernando, Max and Toto Wolff).

Find me on Twitter!

I.

You drank the rest of your iced tea in one gulp, pushing the nervousness away. It wasn't exactly anxiety, but more first-day jitters at a new job. Adjusting your ponytail, you stood up as one of the team approached.

“Y/N? It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Ellie from the HR team, we spoke on the phone. Lewis is around, so we thought we’d introduce you two now, okay?”

“Of course, of course, it’s nice to meet you, Ellie.”

Ellie showed you around, giving you a tour of the entire motorhome. You were aware that it was difficult to join a team after the season had already started, especially to take the place of a person who was very loved by everyone and who had been there for several years, but you were willing to do your best to get along with everyone.

Finally, Ellie took you to a training room, where Lewis was inside. He was sitting in an armchair, drinking water from a bottle when Ellie introduced the two of you. You smiled and offered your hand for a shake, but he just ignored his hand with a blank stare.

“Lewis, this is Y/N Y/L/N, your new physical therapist, you'll be seeing each other every other day” Ellie introduced them, not seeming to notice the cold way Lewis greeted you.

“Nice to meet you,” you murmured, trying to ignore the awkwardness between the two of you. Lewis just nodded his head briefly and turned to pay attention to his own cell phone.

Ellie then went over your entire routine for the next few weeks, as well as giving you a short guide to Lewis's physiotherapy sessions over the past two years, and required exercises from fitness to pre-race and post-race.

Your official working day began the following Tuesday at seven in the morning at one of the Mercedes workstations in Brackley, where the entire team was gathered. You needed to be there to look after Lewis' fitness as he had team meetings, and you needed to follow him wherever he went to be able to do your job. Honestly, it wasn't a big problem since you used to work with the Real Madrid football team, so you were used to the traveling routine.

As soon as you entered the building's small gym, Lewis was already inside, tying the laces on his shoes.

"Good morning!" You walked in with a smile, setting your bag aside and holding the two glasses of iced tea you had purchased on the way, “the weather is kind of warm today, huh? I bought iced tea for both of us.”

“No thanks,” Lewis said, standing up, “can we get started?”

The sharp tone left you speechless for a moment, but you soon recovered, tying your hair into a ponytail. You had hoped that the mood on the day you met Lewis was just because he was stressed or had some problem on that specific day. But it seems that today he also wasn’t very interested in being polite to you.

You took a deep breath pulling your iPad out of the bag where you had prepared the day's entire session. Okay, you were patient, you could win him over with time and maybe you could even become friends, or at the very least, on friendly terms.

“Alright, let’s start today’s session with some intense stretching to prepare your body for the intensity of the next few days’ sessions,” you murmured, pointing to the mat on the floor.

“Angela didn't use an iPad during our sessions,” he commented casually.

“Because Angela had been with you for years and had already memorized her exercises. Can we start?"

II.

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late,” you said, entering the gym, plopping your bag on a nearby table.

“You could have a little more respect for other people’s time,” Lewis said, suddenly. You froze in place, your eyes fleeting to the watch high on the wall, that showed you were barely ten minutes late for the session.

“Yes, I’m sorry,” you repeated, pulling your iPad open.

You were a few weeks into your new job, and acquaintanceship with Lewis had not gone better in the slightest. If anything, it had gone even worse. Lewis was adamant in not opening up to you, not even in the professional sense of your work relationship. Every time you tried small talk, or even professional talk, he had shut you out barely politely. He was constantly annoyed by your presence, and didn’t engage in anything other than the exercises you were helping him with. You noticed his performance was going bad in the season, and you attributed his bad mood solely to that. That’s why you usually brushed off his rude remarks and his questioning of the quality of your work.

“We’ll do core strength today, Lewis.”

You spent the next two hours walking him through every exercise you had for the day. Sometime during your session, you tried to help him fix his posture by pressing a hand on his shoulder, but he brushed you off, only saying he was able to do it himself.

By the end of your session, he was visibly tired, and you reached in your purse to your small stock of protein bars. You grabbed two and tossed one to Lewis. He caught it in the air, staring at it with a frown.

“It’s a protein bar. It is healthy, vegan, and doesn’t taste like cardboard, for once,” you giggled, trying to strike up conversation, “honestly, I found this small brand from Hungary out of sheer luck and my life hasn’t been the same ever since, now I just order like this crazy-”

“Are we done?” He cut you off, you stopped smiling.

“What?” you said, staring at him going to his bag.

“Is our session done?” he insisted.

“Yes,” you said, deflated. Lewis walked away, and on his way to the door, he dropped the little protein bar you gave him in the trash.

You felt a lump in your throat, defeated. You had never had a client so difficult to deal with. Most of them were usually standoffish in the beginning, but they became friends with time, some of them you had a great relationship even now, years later.

Lewis just- he just hated you for apparently no reason, and it was making your professional life pure hell. It was hard not bonding with someone you work so physically close with. And honestly, you had tried everything in the book to help him acclimate to you, but he was just- immune. He didn’t like you, you had no idea if he even liked your job because he refused to give you any feedback whatsoever.

You refused to go to HR because it would make you look like a kid throwing a tantrum because the other kid doesn’t like you. What would HR do? Force Lewis to tolerate you? He would probably hate you more if that happened.

You just sighed, swallowing the tears as you left.

III.

“I was considering adding pilates sessions once a week, we can do reformer and clinical pilates alternating” you told Lewis as he did the final stretching of the session.

“I don’t like sudden changes in my exercise routine,” he said, getting up.

“Well, I believe it would do you good. And we can start slowly for you to adapt better. Does every other week work for you?” You taped your schedule on the iPad.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he muttered, visibly annoyed now.

“I can forward you a few articles I have been reading to show you, why I think it-”

“No, I don’t want that,” he shut you off completely, “can I go now?”

You sighed, enough was enough. You were pissed at him, being difficult, being annoying, fucking up your routine by being rude and being a fucking asshole.

“No, you can’t,” you said, voice firm, which kind of surprised him, since it was the first time you ever used that tone with him, “what is your fucking problem?”

“What are you talking about?” He folded his arms.

“What is your problem with me? Is it something I did? Or maybe something I said?” You pressed, walking towards him, the closest you have ever been to him.

“I have no problem with you,” he said and you scoffed, “we are not friends, you’re just my physiotherapist, nothing more, nothing less.”

You felt grateful he left as soon as he said that, otherwise he would have seen the tears filling your eyes.

IV.

“I went back to therapy, because I’m feeling like a failure,” you told Angela over the phone.

“Is he being so difficult?” She asked, sounding worried.

“You have no idea…” you whispered, pressing your temples.

“You want me to talk to him?” Angela said, concerned. You stared at your own reflection in the mirror inside the gym, seeing the dark circles under your eyes from lack of sleep. The last encounter with Lewis was enough to take a toll on your mental health and trigger a bit of insomnia.

“No, I think it would make it worse, but I appreciate the offer,” you sighed, exhausted, “I’ll work around these difficulties, and if it gets any worse, I’ll call you so you can talk to him. Deal?”

“Deal. Just- Don’t burn yourself out, ok? I know how he can be hard to deal with. Let me know if you need anything.” Angela offered, and you wanted to cry with the kindness in her voice.

“Yes, of course. Thank you very much for letting me vent, yeah? Talk to you later” You said, and noticed how Lewis entered the gym, seemingly surprised that you even were there.

That would make two of you.

This time you went through your training session in complete silence, only talking about his physicality and the exercises. You didn’t joke with him, nor did you make commentaries on the session. You just did your job silently, staring at him with a blank face.

As you finished, you packed your bag and left without a word, going straight to HR to put in your resignation letter you had written during your day off.

V.

Lewis noticed your absence as soon as he entered the gym for your session. You hadn’t been late ever since that time he called you out the first and only time you were late. Since then, you were always there when he arrived. But you weren’t there and he felt something was off. Maybe you had a cold or something and HR forgot to tell him.

He walked up to Ellie’s office, knocking lightly before entering.

“Hey there, Lewis! Can I help you?” She asked, putting away a few papers.

“Hey. Where is Y/N?” He asked, sitting down.

“Oh, I thought she had told you… She resigned two days ago.” With Ellie’s words, Lewis felt his stomach drop, but Ellie just continued talking, “she said she didn’t adapt very well to the routine, which is sad considering she is such a big fan of Mercedes and Formula 1. And, you know, since she was a recommendation from Angela Cullen, I really thought she would fit perfectly with the team.”

Lewis felt his mouth go dry. He didn’t know any of this. He didn’t know you were a fan of the team, as he didn’t know Angela had put you in her own position after leaving. He felt so, so bad, he was suddenly nauseous.

“Did she say exactly why she was leaving?” Lewis asked, heart beating in his ears.

“She said she wasn’t adapting to the traveling routine and it took a toll on her. She also apologized profusely, but I told her it was alright, it happens more often than she thinks.”

Lewis knew exactly the reason you left. He had made you go through living hell by being a stubborn asshole. You tried to befriend him, to be nice, to start small talk, to be kind and his only response to your attempts were flat out rudeness.

“Well, these things happen, right?” Ellie shrugged, sympathizing with you more than Lewis ever did. “So, while we find someone to fill her position, you’ll do your pre-race and post-race with George and his physiotherapist.”

Lewis didn’t hear any of the other stuff Ellie said, guilt eating up at him with such force he was out of breath. He didn’t even think before treating you that way, his brain just turned to that everytime he remembered he was alone now, that he had lost his best friend and confidante. Stress of the season had also caught up to him making him more irritable than ever.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whispered as he left Ellie’s office, he needed to do something.

He called your phone, but you had blocked him already.

“Fuck, I need to fix this.”

[Part 2]

[shhhhhiminsidesaitamascloset]

tw: SA

Im not sure how long i had this blog in general. Maybe in late May??? Probably June.

But im just reflecting on things. Losing my old tumblr blog and emails before being hospitalized and sent to a facility. Then coming back making new emails and having to start over.

You'd think something like this would devastate me. But months earlier my house caught on fire and i lost all my sketches and artwork. I lost memorable items, manga collections i had since high school.

It was all gone. So some d*** hacking my phone and making me lose access to my emails and logins was the least of my problems. But when i went through living with someone who wanted to do s*xual things to me, being coerced while i was in psychosis and being assaulted.

I felt lost. Luckily when i was hospitalized i found God again. So i was working on getting back on the straight and narrow after i thought i was being spiritually attacked and realizing someone put a curse on me. (I think i know what happened but its another story for another day) And the psychosis took time to wear off.

In the meantime i managed to make a tumblr account again and start over. And i think its probably been about 2 or 3 months (getting out of that psychosis fog finally thank God!) And im not as patient and docile as i was before during the bits i was in psychosis. But im trying my best to stay close to God and Jesus and lead/live by example.

I feel like there's a lot i can thank God for and even if its just my psychosis i truly believe i am God's servant and soldier. I've been through so much and i had been so tough through it. It was scary, but braving it through and being patient taught me how to go about my life. It also taught me the importance of faith and my priorities.

I also realize that i can be really sh**ty to people i dont know online. But we can only blame negative and toxic internet culture for that. So i started vowing that i'll try to treat people the way i wanted to be treated online. Even if we are 'enemies' i'll still be nice and kind and give you advice on being a better person.

I wanna be the light for people online. Even if im posting dumb f/o and fandom related stuff. I wanna be that person where people see my icon and say "Theyre not perfect but they really try their best to be positive"

Like i said before i dont expect everyone to like me. I shouldnt care what others think of me either. But if someone says im toxic and i dont try, i'll tell them they are a liar. Because even before i got on here again i have been trying my best since the accident. I've slipped, fell, made lots of mistakes and had a hard time staying holy and righteous on my spiritual journey.

But anybody who judges me dont know what i went through. Dont know why i am the way i am. Dont know that im constantly improving me. With God and Jesus in my life, i may not know it all but i understand things a lot more than i did before. And im appreciative of Yahweh than i have ever been.

I know all of this is temporary anyway. Though i am appreciative of what i have now. Im not too keen on who we stay with for the moment, but im thankful i got a place to stay until we move. There's a lot to be grateful for now. And even though she drives me nuts, im grateful to have my mom.

These past few months in 2023 have been crazy. And i dont know how long i'll have this blog and side blogs. But im grateful it made it this far. And who knew i'd like Saitama from One Punch Man 🤷‍♀️ ?

But the fact i jumped from Enrico Pucci, to Joseph Joestar, to Saitama so quick worries it wont last. But i might have to force this hyperfixation somehow.

Anyway, I hope i didnt bore you too much. And i know most people on tumblr dont take time to read things. But i'd say: Count your blessings, be grateful for even the smallest things, appreciate your friends online and irl, and dont take things for granted

ty y'all have a good day, God bless, and drink plenty of water✩

[screechthemighty]

OKAY TIME TO RAG ON T*M C*SSIELLO YET AGAIN.

So. Here’s the thing. The deal. The scoop. My meta complaints can basically be summed up in three sentences. One: T*m kept trying to sell us a friendship that wasn’t there, which only adds to how abrupt it falling apart is. Two: I do not trust this writing team with this plot line, and the way they handled parts of it in the comic itself only cement that distrust. Three: Why the HECK are they putting lore on TWITTER and only twitter. I won’t expand on that one because...that kind of speaks for itself, not everyone has twitter and it’s dumb that they’re confining important plot/character info to just twitter. But for more explanation of the other two, check under the cut.

Part One: T*m Stop Tweeting I’m Begging You

So, in my last post, I referenced the fact that this argument feels really contrived due to a lack of in-canon friendship between Mirage and Wraith. I’ve talked about this before, but tl;dr for those who don’t read my discourse: outside of some banter and bickering, there is little to no interaction between Mirage and Wraith pre-season 6 comics that implies a real connection. The s1 trailer comes close, but with everything else, it’s mostly just “Mirage says dumb thing while Wraith rolls her eyes in the background”, which establishes Literally Nothing.

But we all know they’re friends, right? This isn’t just wistful thinking by us Miraiths? No, we do know...because T*m said so on twitter. Think about it. He’s gleefully sold every interaction they get (or might get) as being food for the Miraith fans who ask about interactions, he’s the one who said Elliott is in her top three people she can stand (she NEVER explicitly names Mirage, only Natalie), and he also said this:

(screenshot orginally posted by @apexmirxith​)

Read that description. Read it again. Think about what we’ve actually gotten in the lore, both before the twitter comic and in it.

Something does not add up here. Literally nothing he said has been reflected in the canon at any point. And I would love it to be! Nothing would make me happier! If I could think of moments that lined up with that, I’d never shut up about them because I’m a single brain cell Miraith shipper and everyone knows it! But it’s not there, T*m!!!!!

Basically, Word of Author and The Actual Text are in conflict in a BIG way. It’s like T*m KNOWS he can just fill in the plot blanks with his twitter canon, but that’s NOT GOOD WRITING, and it makes what should be really interesting character moments SUPER hollow because again, none of the building blocks are there. They’re just in T*m’s mind, and then he offhandedly mentions them while replying to fan art. I swear, this dude should not keep tweeting about the plot of the games, because if he’s not doing stuff like this, he’s actively making promises he can’t keep. It’s so frustrating.

Okay, now that we’re done with that rant...

Part Two: Y’all Don’t Know How To Handle Abelism, Is The Thing

I discussed a lot of this during headcasegate II: the quickening, but for those of you who don’t read my complaining-disguised-as-analysis, the big issues are as follows:

I don’t think the intricate character work needed to grow out of abelism is actually something you can do in Apex Legends as a means of storytelling due to time constraints, the fact that plots can and will be dropped at any time (they did this with Bangalore this season, for instance) and a large cast all vying for attention in the plot.

T*m has repeatedly proven he has blind spots wrt abelism, starting with him implying autism could be cured (he walked this one back and admitted he was wrong, but still), to using abelist language as a plot device more than once, to being dismissive of people pointing that out instead of trying to understand why people were criticizing it. I don’t see any signs he’s actively learned (except the autism thing), so I don’t expect this angle to improve.

Elliott exhibits several traits of neurodivergency, from social anxiety to several HEAVILY ADHD coded traits (chronic tardiness, rambles heavily, impulsive spending, misunderstanding instructions), and has a stutter on top of that, but so far this has been ENTIRELY played for laughs and to make him look like a dumbass, not taken seriously.

And those three points really do stand, and are the basis of a lot of my concern. But there’s another angle that became more of an issue for me as I was reading the latest comic, and it has to do with Wraith. 

The game has already been really, really weird with how they’ve treated mental illness related when it comes to Wraith. They leaned heavily into the “owo scawwy mental patient! owo” imagery with banner frames and arguably her Liberator skin (I do love that skin because shaved head = chef’s kiss, but it does draw on mental illness imagery with the straight jacket look of her outfit), and she has on-and-off talked about/reacted to the voices as if they’re more a harmful influence akin to true psychosis and not helpful alternate selves. All of that leads to her being very heavily psychosis-coded, which has been noted by a lot of people.

And yet.

When the abelism is finally addressed, her breaking point, the thing the comics treat as The Thing You Shouldn’t Be Making Fun Of Her For, is...her amnesia.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s also wrong to make fun of her for having amnesia. But why is that the trait they chose to focus on? When I hear Elliott call her “brainwreck” my first thought isn’t “wow, he’s making fun of her for not remembering her past”, it’s “wow, he’s making fun of her for hearing voices.” It’s not even logical for that to be the thing that he and Bangalore are pointing out by calling her names, because like...who does that?? I don’t think even awful abelists do that. If they wanted to target her amnesia, they’d use completely different language. Brainwreck I can kinda see tying into her amnesia, but how does “headcase” relate back to that?? Literally, how??

Basically, when given the chance to address the abelism thrown at Wraith, they focus on the one thing that’s not the issue, rather than the thing that everyone points out is what makes her a mentally ill icon. And you might say, “but Screech, but it’s not a mental illness, the voices are real!” And to that I say, then why in the hell did they lean so heavily into mental illness imagery and her reacting negatively to the voices as if they are true hallucinations?? It’s just plain inconsistent, and almost feels like they don’t really want to tackle psychosis (in which case they are COWARDS, other devs have proved you can do that in a video game), so instead they focus on her amnesia and call it a day.

Dude. That’s totally not it in any way. What are you doing. What is my life. What is this GAME.

...anyways I hope all of that makes sense.

[thegrayness]

First line challenge

Post the first line of the last 20 things you’ve written. (This will be the last 20 things I’ve posted to AO3--I have written other stuff). Then tag 20 people to do the same.

I got tagged by @vivianblakesunrisebay thaaaaanks. 20 is a lot omg. Also I did the most recent first idk. Also I… don’t have the energy to include links. (except for one bc I'm super proud of it)

Ty gets the text from Segs a while after the team gets back to the hotel for the night. (you hold me so damn good)

Noah comes to fuzzily, groaning at the stiffness in his body. (come alive when you’re by my side)

Dan glances at Noah and, seeing his castmate’s smirk, looks away quickly. (Risky Business)

Noah is a morning person insomuch as anyone is a morning person on the day of an activity they’ve all but begged their partners to indulge in.  (Laced Up)

Roy’s never enjoyed cuddling before. (Cozy)

The wild work hours of an active case always throw Jimmy’s eating. (then you pull me in)

“Oh, honey,” David says, standing from his seat at the kitchen table. (the weather outside is frightful)

Patrick was skeptical about the soft launch from the start. (Under the Mistletoe)

David has mud on his scales. (we know where we belong)

David leans heavily against the front door, reaching back to twist the lock into place. (here for the candy)

Annie’s the one who sends him the link because she’s the worst, and Dan doesn’t think anything of it, because Noah’s been doing a ton of press lately. (wonderful)

“Your boyfriend’s back,” Will says as he walks into the small kitchen in the back of the coffee shop. (straight for your heart)

“Okay—Lucky I think that’s enough with the photos,” Dan says as he straightens Noah’s tie for the fifth time and Noah patiently lets him. (make it all come true)

Dan wakes up like he always does on Saturdays, wrapped in Noah’s arms. (each new waking hour)

It starts at Dan’s temple, so Noah can see it when they lay in bed at night, Dan on his back holding his phone up and Noah on his side watching Dan. (when i breathe you in)

Noah presses his hand hard against his chest, hopes the pressure will stave off most of his tears. (shining just the way we are)

Dan has a morning routine. (Feels Like Home)

David lasts about three hours into the workday before he crowds Patrick up against the front counter and kisses him breathless. (Patrick Wears His New Panties)

Somehow, the entire town ends up helping them move.  (monogrammed)

Noah moves in during the summer. (with you)

Wow that was a weird trip. I don’t know what this says about my writing lol. There should be some kinda challenge about titles, like what am I even doing on that front? 

Also I don’t know 20 people and everyone I know has prob been tagged already. 

[utilitycaster]

Your fav character from each class in all the actual plays you’ve watched?

THE BEST QUESTION (if hard). I’m only counting regular PCs here; see the end for some guest/NPC/one-shot mentions. As you can see I love basically all characters but I do have my favorites.

Barbarian: there is a high potential, now that Ashley is back for good, that Yasha will win this next year but for now Gorgug and his sweet awkwardness and confused attempts to find his dad wins. (some other good barbarians: Grog, Beryl from Relics and Rarities who was a. kind of a stoner and b. an absolute delight and c. a cool depiction of path of the ancestral guardian, and Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt, sweet crepe loving failure)

Bard: I love Fig, but I have to go Scanlan. You know that art piece of the Vecna battle that’s overlaid with the All Work No Play “what would the worst character be” line? Yeah. From “I’m snoring after having sex” to “I was saving it for Vax”. You just can’t beat that. (some other good bards: Annabella from Relics and Rarities, Misty from Dimension 20)

Cleric: this is probably the hardest category (shout out to a lot of clerics. Jester, Kingston, and Kristen are tied for second place) but I think I have to go with Caduceus. I love how much he sees of everyone else and how little we know of him. I love how not-so-secretly judgemental he is. I love his bone flute. I love that he’s quietly trying to save his dying home, and perhaps find family that might be dead. Someone hug him for me. (I would like to recognize Pike and Merle of course, as well as Efink Murderdeath here, and while I’m only 7 episodes in I think Zolf is already my favorite of RQG. )

Druid: Keyleth. I feel like TAZ is at a disadvantage because they’re so early on in Graduation, but also I love the Firbolg but I am not sure a druid will ever surpass Keyleth, with all her messy awkwardness and genuine desire to do good at any cost. (shout out to Ricky Huckster for being a really unique take on the druid, Lillith from Escape from the Bloodkeep for being a great wine mom, and to Kugrash who is currently ripping my heart out)

Fighter: I’m surprising myself here but the recent developments with Fabian Seacaster have put him in the forefront, I think because his story is still ongoing and because I’m a sucker for an arrogant jock suddenly confronting mortality and failure. I do still love Percival De Rolo a lot though. (shout out to Magnus Burnsides who is good at everything, and Veros the O.G. Himbo from Relics and Rarities)

Monk: Beau. This is another case of like, I love Sofia Bicicleta too, but Marisha Ray has some kind of genius for playing female characters that really tap into like, things that many women I think feel but don’t know how to express (at least, I, a woman, feel these things and don’t know how to express them). Beau is such a complicated abrasive character who feels things deeply, and who has genuinely tried and succeeded in changing. She’s so dynamic and wonderful and I love her to bits.

Paladin: Vax. I wrote a whole piece about my experience of listening to CR campaign 1 episode 57 that I never published or posted. I think there’s something deeply profound and beautiful about sticking to an oath that you didn’t ever think you’d choose, and to a promise you fell into. (also, spoilers but Fjord’s going to be my choice for Warlock so I cover that there even though one of my favorite things about him is his switch to Paladin). (shout out, of course, to Ricky Matsui)

Ranger: Vex. Due to some valid and some invalid complaints about the ranger class few people play it, which is a shame because the revised ranger options are pretty great (Horizon Walker is amazing, I say as an admitted fan of weird planar shit) and because like, Aragorn was my favorite LOTR character. But yeah, everything I’ve said about Keyleth and Beau applies to Vex, the D&D character I think I relate most to despite my irl stats not matching hers at all (I do not have 17 Charisma). The imposter syndrome, the need to appear that everything is under control, the sibling loyalty, the stubbornness, the quiet leadership - it’s all so perfect and so unique and I love her very much. (Sokhbarr was a fun take though)

Rogue: put Vax as Paladin so I could nominate Riz as my favorite rogue (and again, I love Nott and enjoy what I’ve seen of Argo, and to be fair, Sasha seems very good as well) but I think the inquisitive subclass is so cool and Riz has such a wonderful arc. Also, goblin with gun is great but goblin high schooler with gun is straight up genius.

Sorcerer: a very rare class, tbh, with Pete getting it by default. He is indeed a fascinating character though, and tying his sorcery into the mythology of the world is a pretty brilliant DM move. (I also am very into Hamid thus far, not in the least because I love halflings)

Warlock: Fjord. I liked Fjord from the start, and even when he was being an ass during the pirate arc found him relatable. I think it might be my background as a bard player that makes me love this disaster who survived for years on just a high constitution and being really good at talking and playing roles; I also love someone who isn’t the greatest leader but falls into it, and someone with control issues working through it (see also: Vex, Percy) And finally, I don’t know if Travis was telling the truth about him being lawful good but he genuinely does want to make things better for people and he takes responsibility very seriously. (obviously, I also really liked Leland, and while I think of both Fig and Sofia as primarily of their main classes of bard and monk, they are cool as warlocks. I get why Emily Axford keeps gunning for Hexblade).

Wizard: Caleb. Given all the other sources of magic it’s always fascinating to see why someone becomes a wizard specifically, and I also like how complex Caleb is - not just the trauma, though that’s part, but the humor and the versatility. (Adaine was a close runner-up though, and Taako was my favorite of THB but is a little too goofy to be a favorite).

Artificer: I mean, obviously Tary.

NPCs and guests, with less commentary:

Barbarian: gonna go with Lionel the True Polymorphed Duck here.

Bard: Hazel Copperpot, she of the 1930s radio accent

Cleric: again very difficult, but then again, not so difficult. Lieve’tel was great.

Druid: Nila, the sweet and calming presence in our hour of need.

Fighter: oh god I don’t know if I can choose between Keg, bisexual dwarven disaster, and Brian David Gilbert’s Hargis, awkward goliath theater kid.

Monk: Ferriwen Breeze, who I do hope shows up again because she was my favorite Darrington Brigade character and I really love Genasi; also Expositor Dairon, natch.

Paladin: few people play paladins as guests which is weird. I do like Kerrek, and I do like Arkhan, but like, Kima, clearly.

Ranger: Sandralynn Faeth, hands down. A wonderful NPC.

Rogue:  I do love Cathilda, and I do love Twiggy, but I laughed about the Owlbear for the entire Darrington Brigade one shot.

Sorcerer: I mean...it has to be Gilmore, right? Calianna is great but no one can beat Gilmore.

Warlock: Zahra, who also, incidentally, is the only non-Hexblade Warlock who’s shown up. I mean hexblade is objectively amazing but Zahra is too.

Wizard: there have been many wizard NPCs across games and it was a very difficult choice but who else is graceful, unendingly kind and patient, and reliable in all situations? Allura Vyesoren is the wizard you wish your wizard could be. Yussa and Essek and Lup and Arthur Aguefort and Barry and Lyra and Ranier and far more wizard NPCs and guests are all wonderful in their own ways but like, did you think you could come for Matt Mercer’s self insert? you could not.

.

[jaxsteamblog]

I started writing an outline for a non existent Flower Shop AU series but it just turned into Loving Avatar Thuy Hours.

Here are some great things about Avatar Thuy (SUPER long post because I love Thuy):

She tells her folks that she’s a girl around the same time she tells them about the bald man who taught her to sling mud. Because there’s not a lot of gendered differences in the Swamp Tribe, the trans thing wasn’t a big deal. Finding out their daughter was the Avatar, on the other hand, REALLY WAS.

The concept of “kin” (FOLKLORE TERM) and the connection of all life in the swamp via the root system has a profound spiritual effect on Thuy. She can perfectly call up any Avatar and, as she gets older, can channel them easily when in the Avatar State. For the on-screen Avatars, here’s Thuy’s hot takes:

Wan- She is Not A Fan. Doesn’t like how he shifts between being super cocky and super insecure. Wishes he had not closed off the Spirit Realm. (Not like it worked, as she gestures angrily around the swamp)

Yangchen- When Thuy learned about Fairy Godmothers from a book of Fairy Tales someone brought into the Swamp, this is immediately who Thuy thought of. Yangchen was always calming and patient, and listened every time Thuy would rant about her cousins stealing a toy or when someone pushed her into the swamp. Family is big in the Swamp and Yangchen became another mother.

Kuruk- He can’t handle kids. He also cannot handle the concept of hick Waterbenders. He is a North Pole Waterbender and (SPOILERS) fell for a high class Fire Nation Lady so, he does not like the Swamp. The Swamp is not a fan of his either.

Kyoshi- TBH Thuy was intimidated by her at first. However, when puberty hit, they talked a lot about body dysmorphia and what it means to be a woman. Thuy was able to accept her body with the continued help of Kyoshi. 

Roku- Roku is a story-teller. He told Thuy about the start of the war, and his time with Sozin. He talked about Azulon and what the royal family used to be like. Thuy was fascinated by the Fire Nation, wondering how such a mythological sounding people could do something so human like wage war.It allowed her to think of the Fire Nation as something more than just The Enemy.

Aang- The first Avatar to greet her. He was her confidante and like a very fun grandpa. He taught her to meditate and throw mud pies (breaking the rules by tiptoeing into Earthbender territory). He talked about the war as it was happening, and explained to her how important it was that she grow up safe. He talked about his kids and asked her about the Swamp. He explained how important it was to understand how all things, all nations, were connected and to make friends in every nation. He told her about Zuko, and about his grandkids. Especially Rohan, who might know a thing or two about pronouns. 

Sometimes, catgators are tame enough to keep near the residents. However, this is similar to things we see in the news when people keep exotic pets. Tame does NOT equal domestic, and bad things happen. So when Thuy shows up with Mister Whiskers, Everyone Is Quite Alarmed. 

Catgators, like real life catfish, are also borderline cryptids. No one knows how old they get. Or how big.

I imagine catgators move like alligators and can be surprisingly fast for their flat, fat bodies. Remember kids, run in a zig zag because they WILL get you.

I am from Florida. I live in Florida once again. My family has lived in Florida since we came to this country. I was “poor white trash” and had an accent. I am NOT indigenous (see above comment about coming to this country). I give Thuy a lot of traits from what I remember about growing up, things I know about the rural south via my family, and throw in the pieces I like from canon. I also want to explore topics that are indigenous specific like what’s happening to the Amazon and the continued sins my country commits on native and/or sacred land. As a sensitivity point: I do not wish to ever write about the trials and tribulations of these issues. That is for native people, as they are the ones who truly understand the generational trauma surrounding it. What I would hope to do is bring awareness to real world situations where we as non-indigenous people can assist.

Don’t let them cut down the Amazon y’all for real. And blowing up Mount Rushmore is RIDICULOUS.

Thuy loves people. Because she’s so used to being around a supportive community, and being a teenager, she doesn’t understand when adults are rude or mocking at first. 

However, she is VERY secure about who she is as a person. Her family and tribe has always supported her, so she has a very strong foundation. It takes a lot to rock her. Mostly, she gets embarrassed when people call her out or make fun of her for being loud and overly excited.

She is scared to meet Katara at first, because she learns a little about what Katara did in the war. What and who she lost. She feels bad that she wasn’t there. Thuy doesn’t know how to start a conversation with her, which is bad because Thuy not so secretly wants to replace Kuruk with Katara as her Water Tribe connection. She doesn’t want to go to Arnook, who lost his daughter, or Hakoda, who lost his wife, and Sokka is in the same category as Katara, obviously.

Suki finds her freaking out. And remember, Thuy is a close friend of Kyoshi. They talk and Suki relaxes Thuy by putting the Avatar in Kyoshi robes. Sokka finds them with Thuy thoroughly disguised and, I might actually write this scene so you’ll have to wait.

Thuy likes Azula at first because she is oddly fascinated by the performative femininity of the Fire Nation. Azula is powerful, confident, and very feminine, and that intrigues Thuy. But Azula is Azula and has very little interest in some backwater peasant, even if she is the Avatar.

Toph embraces everything about the Swamp Tribe, as does Rohan, so they are the ones Thuy is the closest to. Toph, as a more destructive Gyatso, figures out how to rig a pressurized device that launches mud projectiles and the two of them wreck havoc at fancy Beifong dinner parties. Rohan takes the technology up a notch and they all terrorize the Air Temples. Doesn’t have the same impact, because they all survived Aang. Toph teaches Thuy to take no shit and give no fucks.

Thuy is insecure about her inability to communicate with the Spirits. Having grown up in the swamp, she could see them and heard how other people ran into them. Especially the refugees that were allowed in. The Spirits seemed to guide certain people to Thuy, which meant they didn’t hate her, but they never seemed to engage. The only thing she could think of was Wan and blamed him unfairly for a long time.

Thuy does a traditional education as the Avatar. She works for a few years with Toph, having a basis in earthbending already from Aang. Crystalbending is her special talent and Toph dismisses it as playing with jewelry (but never discourages her pupil ofc). 

Jinora is Thuy’s airbending teacher and spiritual advisor. She is very good about calming Thuy when she continues to have this disconnect with the Spirits, but is unable to help her overcome it.

Tenzin deems Rohan too irresponsible but allows them to ferry Thuy around so they still teach the Avatar new things. Plus, in this world, there’s a secular sect of Airbending that Bumi - Aang’s son and an Airbender since apparently all Air Nomads are Benders?? - started during the war. They have a very loose relationship with the Air Nomad commitment to non-violence and can live in permanent residences. They are required to do their initial training at the temples, but many go back to their homes, don’t shave their heads, don’t live a monastic life, etc. Rohan goes back and forth about their place, but ultimately takes over as the head of the secular branch. It appeals to Thuy more and they take their role very seriously because of the responsibility. 

Zuko teaches Thuy firebending. His adaptations to include other styles makes it easier for Thuy to pick up, though she still learns the basics at the Royal Academy for Girls (where she meets Suzu and Zula). 

Katara is Thuy’s “master.” She helps Thuy navigate the political world and they work together on the Water Tribe restoration and re-unification plans. Katara oversees the training schedules, the visitations, the summits, the tributes, and every other bit of minutiae. She also gives Thuy a break and they hang out doing Waterbender stuff.

Sokka and Suki teach Thuy non-bending martial arts. Thuy can kick your ass in a multitude of ways basically.

Thuy gets her Avatar Companions at very different stages. You’d think they wouldn’t get along, but Thuy has collected them and they like her, so they make it work.

Suzu and Zula (those are their names, not nicknames) are twins. They are Firebenders and are not related to the royal family at all. They grew up near the palace, went to the Royal Academy for Girls, and were sent to the palace to keep Thuy company and it was supposed to be very formal and politically advantageous for their parents. Except they actually became friends with Thuy and escaped the Fire Nation to go on adventures, which their parents did not like.

Suzu is a blend of Azula and Ty Lee in my mind. She is named in honor of Fire Lord Sozin. (Her family is SUPER into Fire Nation superiority) She is cheerful and enjoys playing around. She and Thuy get overly excited about things together instead of being “mature” and “above such things” as many noble girls tell them repeatedly. Her “Azula” traits come out when someone insults her family or Thuy. She ends up learning chi blocking from Ty Lee. Suzu is not to be left unsupervised.

Zula is a blend of Azula and Mai. She is “the eldest” and does everything her parents tell her to do, even if she hates it. She is named in honor of Fire Lord Azulon (and I guess Azula?). She ends up becoming an instructor at the Royal Academy for Girls until Thuy whisks her away to go adventuring. Zula hates the rigid society among the nobles and very happily dashes off. Can’t say no to the Avatar right??? Her firebending skill is in marksmanship. She can and will singe the sleeve of some snotty little noble from across the room if they irk her. She learns to bend lightning from Iroh and even Thuy is a little scared.

When Thuy moved from her earthbending lessons and onto air, Toph opened up her metalbending academy to have something to do between professional bending competitions. Jae-hwan was a late addition because he couldn’t afford the fees. Then he found out that the fees were arbitrary because Toph is a Beifong and she gave him a room to stay in. Thuy met him when she visited her Sifu and he, not knowing she was the Avatar, stole her purse as a joke. When he did find out, instead of freaking out, started to make fun of her because some lowly Earthbender orphan was able to steal the Avatar’s wallet. He never lets her forget that or any other embarrassing thing he witnesses.

Tashi is very quiet. He surprised everyone by choosing to join Urban Dust, the secular branch of the Air Nomads, instead of continuing on at the temples. People thought he would become a great sage and possibly live old enough to see the next Air Nomad Avatar. But Tashi is a true child of the sky and would live on his Sky Bison Dawa if he could. He does not like being on the ground for long and frequently disappears to go flying. Tashi specifically asked that Rohan be his mentor, again shocking everyone, but Rohan understood. Getting older, Rohan calms down and becomes very philosophical. Tashi finds them to be very wise and they contemplate the nature of things together. Thuy appreciates the one friend of hers that would never end up in jail with her. Tashi brings the bail money. Tashi also hides the body. Tashi can keep secrets.

Aktuk was born and raised in the North Pole. His father is a waterbending master and his mother is a waterbending healer. His older sister is a waterbending prodigy. He lost his leg during his ice dodging ceremony when the boat crashed. As a non-Bender, he had almost drowned and has a fear of the open sea. He makes his own prosthesis and is very into mechanics. When Thuy attended a festival in the North Pole, they had collided because Aktuk was carrying a bunch of parts and material for a project and didn’t see her. Freaking out, Aktuk tried to scurry away as quickly as possible but Thuy kept asking him questions. When she asked how he kept his leg from freezing, Aktuk immediately started to infodump and forgot about being scared. Thuy had to drag him around for awhile, because Aktuk had been basically taught to defer to Benders, but they refused to let him. Suzu and Zula hated the reminder of Fire Nation propriety, Tashi accepted everyone, and Jae-hwan only cared if people were paying attention to him. Thuy and Aktuk date for awhile, but part amicably after they grow into different people.

Thuy saves the world and I steal Korra’s ending for her own. She balances the Spirit World and the Physical World, opening up the portals. She brings back DRAGONS.

Zuko and Katara ultimately retire. Their daughter Izumi becomes Fire Lord. Sokka and Suki’s daughter Kya surprises everyone when they find out she’s a Waterbender and sits on the Water Tribe triumvirate as the chief of the South Pole. Kya and Izumi, having been born on the same day, terrify the rest of the world with their closeness. They consider themselves more like sisters than cousins and have to be repeatedly talked back from their plans to rule the world. They aren’t killing machines, more that they think they know what’s best and only listen to each other. Sometimes Lu Ten. But ALWAYS Suzu. 

Rohan becomes the head sage of the Urban Dust and creates a flying society that freaks everyone out for awhile. Tashi goes to the Spirit World for a long time and comes back, a little weird. IDK, I have stuff to explore with him. It’s not bad, just very different. 

Suzu marries a nice, minor Fire Nation lord and settles down to teach firebending in his rural home. She adores the royal children and they adore her. When Suzu shows up at either the Fire Nation palace or the South Pole, other people know it’s because either Izumi or Kya were planning something.

Zula never leaves Thuy and they travel together forever. Are they together? IDK, it might just be my attempt to fix (what I think is wrong with) k*rr*sami tbh. 

Toph DOES end up going to the Swamp, but her family knows about it and visits her often. Toph does not become a cop ffs, she becomes Willy Wonka but without the candy and slave labor. Lin tries to head the Beifong family after her mother just leaves one day, but she is much more suited to being a metalbending instructor. Once Suyin settles down, she gently pries the Beifong stuff from her sister’s terrified hands and does a really good job at managing Gaoling. They both studied under the Avatar for a little bit, and their rivalry came about with Suyin getting along better with Thuy. 

Sokka, pulling an Iroh, never leaves his flower shop. People ask him if he’s THE Sokka, brother of the Queen of the Water Tribes, brother-in-law to the Fire Lord, friend of the Avatar, then the father of the South Pole chief and he always goes “No, I just look like him and we have the same name.”

He often says this while Zuko is sitting with him behind the counter, drinking tea. 

Aktuk helps rebuild the South Pole and the Water Tribe navy is reborn. The Earth Kingdom is shook. Toph introduces him to another Swamp Tribe member and he marries her. He loves the Swamp. The Swamp Tribe gains a lot more replacement limbs that were lost to catgators. 

Jae-hwan has a hard time letting go of the metalbending academy. He basically grew up there, and spent every free moment there if he wasn’t travelling with Thuy. When Toph has kids, he realizes he had thought of her as his mom and freaks out. She assures him that it’ll be okay. Before she runs off to the Swamp, she legally adopts him, making him a Beifong. He opens more metalbending academies but runs the one in Gaoling because of familial pride. He encourages Lin to take up pro-bending, and becomes a coach when the mixed bending circuit opens. Rohan is OBSESSED with mixed bending matches. 

Ultimately, Thuy gets to relax in a way Avatars had been unable to for many cycles. The Water Tribe navy keeps the coastal city-kingdoms in the Earth Kingdom in check, while also reinforcing the United Republic. With the Swamp Tribe literally in the Earth Kingdom, the city-kingdoms become more firmly established and the Earth King becomes the Earth Emperor, but has to manage all of the city-kingdoms and it’s just a lot you guys he is so tired. The Fire Nation goes through an artistic renaissance under Zuko’s rule and the former colonies turn into industrial powerhouses. They are an economic force unto themselves and protect the Fire Nation from Earth Kingdom advances. 

With the world in relative harmony, Thuy travels often, since her friends and family have settled all over the world. Mister Whiskers grows to ENORMOUS size and they put him in a wagon when they go around. He does not eat people (anymore) but the wagon still warns others not to get too close. 

Zula is always there, with her RBF and scary fast bending. Thuy is still prone to gleeful outbursts and Zula smiles lovingly. They like to read together and will fall asleep resting on Mister Whiskers as they all bask in the same sunny spot. 

Aw crap, they are together.

[cuthian]

Dancing in the Rain Chapter One

Welcome to the piece you've all been waiting for so very patiently!

This piece /can/ be read as a standalone piece, but should you have any questions if you do, be sure to ask in the comments, I'll reply as soon as I can :)

This entire work has been written and edited already, and will be updated on Mondays :D

As always, much thanks to Juulna for putting up with me!

Lots of love, Annaelle

Dancing in the Rain

Life is not about how you survive the storm It is about how you dance in the rain —Unknown author

Chapter One

REBECCA BARNES RESIGNS AS EARTH’S AMBASSADOR TO ASGARD AFTER PREGNANCY LEAK

Move comes only days after The New York Times published an article ‘outing’ Rebecca Barnes’ pregnancy, based on the say-so of Barnes’ former obstetrician, who says she was fired after Barnes filed a baseless complaint about the care she provided.

In a move that was predicted by several political experts following the tell-all article, Rebecca Barnes confirmed today that she would be resigning from her post as Earth’s Ambassador to Asgard—less than a year after her initial appointment. […]Ambassador Rebecca Barnes’ decision today came after several politicians from across the globe expressed their concern about Barnes’ ability to remain impartial and to represent Earth.

Barnes released a pre-recorded statement, in which she confirms that she is, indeed, pregnant, and that she will be stepping down from her post as ambassador. […]also distances herself from the statements made by her former obstetrician, confirming she chose to switch to a different doctor due to irreconcilable differences in opinion.

“I have always taken [her duties as ambassador] very seriously,” Barnes said in her statement, “and it is with a heavy heart but a clear conscience that I now resign from those duties. My relationship with the Aesir now runs far deeper and more intimately than anyone thought it would, and as such, there would always be a fear that my opinions and actions would be biased. This can be a very good thing, but it’s also only right that we do the correct thing and have an Earth-focused ambassador. Someone focused on the big picture instead of… well, instead of the small, the personal.”

[…]mixed response to Barnes’ announcement and resignation. Various media outlets have latched onto the story and have begun spinning various iterations of the same question: now that Barnes is—most likely—expecting long-term boyfriend and Prince of Asgard’s first child, will the couple finally be tying the knot? And, if so, does that make Barnes the first human princess of Asgard? Will their child(ren) be recognized as an heir to the Asgardian throne?

“[…]must be something in the water over at the Avengers Tower,” talk show host Jay Leno also joked during his latest broadcast. “First Potts, now Barnes—what’s next, Captain America going for his daily Central Park run with a stroller?”

Leno’s remarks were likely partially inspired by recent pictures of Captain America reading “What to Expect when You’re Expecting” and other varied baby books in several coffee shops and parks across Manhattan and Brooklyn, and tweets by Pepper Potts detailing the Captain’s dedication to helping her out however he can, more so than even her own partners.

[…]not clear when a replacement ambassador will be elected. There is much discussion amongst the various governments of the world about which government, if any single one, should be allowed to elect one of their own, or if the many governments of the world should form a council of representatives not unlike the European Union or the United Nations solely dedicated to communications and relations with extra-terrestrial nations.

—Max Colchester and Jason Douglas, The New York Times, “Rebecca Barnes Resigns as Ambassador”, January 2016

——————

Chicago, Illinois, United States of America April 12

th

, 2016 Steve

“Captain America!”

“Captain America, a statement, please?”

“Captain America, anything to say to reports that the Avengers orchestrated this attack to be able to save the day again, to get good press going for them?”

“Captain, any word on why Thor hasn’t joined the fight today?”

“Captain, captain, is it true Thor has threatened to cut ties with Earth if Rebecca Barnes’ child really is yours instead of his?”

There were a passel of shouting reporters standing by the barricades, barely held back by several police officers in—somehow—pristine blue uniforms, cameras flashing and microphones held out as far as they were able to reach.

Steve heaved a sigh, unclipping his helmet and running a hand through his dirty, sweat-soaked hair before he chanced a look at himself. He was covered from head to toe in fine dust and dirt, splashes of blood streaking across his thighs and chest—that seemed about right.

The giant insects that some wannabe supervillain had set loose on an unsuspecting Chicago had been hardy and mean, and it had taken him and the other Avengers—minus Becca, who’d been benched as soon as they all learned she was pregnant and was now holed up in the Tower with Pepper, shouting at them over the comms, and Thor, who had been called back to Asgard—well over seven hours of constant fighting to exterminate them all, even after Natasha had gotten her hands on said wannabe supervillain.

He was tired, he was sweaty and covered in dirt and blood, and all he wanted was to go home to the Tower and take a hot shower and then sleep for twelve hours—but someone had to talk to the media, and it looked like it was going to be him.

He sighed again and trudged towards the reporters, mentally trying to brace himself for the vastly inane questions he’d be getting about his supposed love affair with Becca that had now culminated in her pregnancy and his passionate tryst with Pepper, that had somehow also resulted in pregnancy.

Because apparently, in the twenty-first century, it seemed entirely implausible to the reporters that people actually remained faithful to their partners, rather than sleep around with the first reasonably attractive person in the near vicinity.

It was ridiculous.

Pepper had told him to ignore the rumours, that they’d go away as soon as the next big news broke, but it bothered him nonetheless. He didn’t like that people thought he was the kind of person that was okay with cheating on his friends, didn’t like that people thought him capable of something like that—and he hated most of all that the media still insisted on pairing him only with women.

It wasn’t like he was being subtle, or that his bisexuality was a secret.

He went to Pride parades dressed in a Captain Bi-merica suit every year, volunteered at several LGBT+ shelters and donated almost half of his Avengers income to various charities dedicated to at-risk LGBT youth. Everyone in his life knew that he and Bucky had been together, and everyone in the war had known too—even Peggy had known.

It’d been the worst kept secret in the U.S. Army—Captain America and Bucky Barnes were queer for each other, and entirely unapologetic about it too.

He wasn’t sure how that tidbit of knowledge had gotten lost over time when they remembered the fucking song.

The shouting got more frantic the closer he got, and he narrowly resisted the urge to turn on his heel and run the other way as fast as his serum-enhanced legs could carry him.

“Everybody,” he said, raising his voice just enough to be heard over the din. “I don’t have much time before I’m needed back, but I can tell you that we have successfully contained the threat and have taken the culprit into custody. We are currently coordinating relief efforts for affected families with local authorities. We expect displaced families to be able to return to their homes sometime tomorrow.”

“Captain,” one of the bottle-blonde women with far too much make-up caked on her cheeks demanded, “Is it true this attack was orchestrated by S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers to round up more sympathetic press in the wake of your scandalous affair and love child with Rebecca Barnes and Pepper Potts?”

Steve blinked at her.

“Tell me you're shitting me,” he deadpanned, barely even registering the way all of the reporters gasped. “Fifteen people lost their lives today,” he continued, maintaining direct eye contact with the woman who’d asked this fucking stupid question. “Fifteen people. Do you even know their names? I do. And I’m going to remember them for the rest of my life, because we didn’t get here fast enough—and not because of some imaginary sex scandal that exists absolutely nowhere but in your imagination, but because we’re only human too. We’re not here for better press, we’re here to make sure that those fifteen people are avenged. We’re here to make sure that no one else falls victim to one person’s greed, one person’s anger. Not because you’ve somehow got it in your head that I’ve been sleeping with the girl that may as well have been my own niece, if Bucky hadn’t died and if I hadn’t gone in the ice, and if I’d been allowed to keep the love of my life.”

It took a moment for his words to sink in, even for him, and though he wanted to groan and curse himself for losing his temper, he stood by his words.

He'd pretended to be their perfect little soldier—a dancing monkey—long enough.

He was fucking done.

He shot the wide-eyed, stunned woman an icy glare and said, “No further comment,” before he turned on his heel and walked away the way he’d come.

——————————

Cuthian:

Uuuhhhmmm… So tell me someone else saw this interview with Cap today?!?! @juuls, @betheflame ARE YOU SEEING THIS?

           juuls:

YES @cuthian, I’m definitely seeing this. HOLY CRAP. We called it—we SO called it.  

           betheflame:

           I SAID he’d slip it in during an interview! I WIN THE BET!

                       KlaudiaForPresident:

I’m so glad that we have someone as good and morally strong as Steve Rogers to represent us finally, but can we please talk about the way he was basically bullied into coming out of the closet?

There’s no way he felt comfortable sharing something so personal like this—just look at his face at 4:33, he said it in the heat of the moment, not because he was planning to tell us; and why would he?

It’s not like the media has been kind to him about his personal relationships since he’s been in the future. He’s been linked to nearly everyone he’s ever had a conversation with, and we need to acknowledge that that’s not cool.

Imagine how UNCOMFORTABLE it must be for him to constantly have to defend that he’s not sleeping with a girl he sees as a little sister, or a cousin—family.

Let’s just let him have his privacy, okay?

Even if we’re all ecstatic that he’s admitted his—potential—bisexuality, let’s not forget that he still lost the person he saw as the love of his life. He’s probably still grieving.

Let’s allow him to grieve and not push.  

#Captainbimerica #stucky #totallycalledit #birepresentation #thisismycaptain #captainamerica #psa #leavethepoormanalone #mediasucks

——————

Lagos, NigeriaApril 15

th

, 2016 Steve

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” he told Becca after he’d switched his comm to their private channel, watching as Wanda, Nat, and Pietro moved into position on the small square between the Center of Infectious Diseases and the local police station. “Feels too easy.”

Becca hummed in agreement, and Steve didn’t need to see her to know she was sitting cross-legged on one of the extra-wide, extra-comfortable desk chairs Tony had designed especially for Pepper and Becca, frowning at her screen, keeping an eye on the security footage the same as him. She’d been on desk duty since she’d hit twelve weeks in the pregnancy, when the small but unmistakable baby bump became visible to everyone.

Thor had—understandably—been entirely unable to focus on the battles they fought while Becca was still in the field with them, and after he’d taken a harpoon to the arm because he’d been too busy covering Becca to cover his own ass, the rest of the team had voted unanimously to have Becca on desk duty for the rest of her pregnancy.

Becca, while grumpy, had not put up much of a fight about it.

“I’ve ran all the background checks imaginable on our informant though,” she replied calmly. “Nat and I went over all of the intel with a fine-tooth comb. It’s legit, Steve, you know that.”

Steve harrumphed grumpily and crossed his arms over his chest. “That doesn’t mean it’s not a trap,” he retorted, watching as Wanda ordered a cup of tea, keeping her—by now recognisable—face covered with the clever sweep of her hair and the slightly dramatic make-up she and Natasha had spent almost an hour applying. Pietro was hovering just out of sight in the alleyway, nearly vibrating out of his skin, as he always did when he had to stand still for longer than a few minutes.

“Oh, it’s definitely a trap,” Becca said in his ear cheerfully. “But that just means we’re making them nervous—means we’re closer than we thought we were.”

Steve sighed.

She was right, of course. The intel had come rather unexpectedly—while they’d been able to clear Sharon of the murder she’d been accused of, it’d been more by chance than by design of any kind. They’d stumbled across footage of Sharon at a gas station nearly forty miles away at the time of the murder, and through the footage several witnesses who swore she’d been there.

The matter had been dropped relatively quickly after that.

Still, whoever was running this show was good—good enough that Tony’s various algorithms and even J.A.R.V.I.S. hadn’t been able to pick up on much more than the vague pattern that Natasha had initially noticed. There were more cases like Sharon’s, and though the investigation against her had been dropped, and she had clearly had a lot of fellow S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and all of the Avengers in her corner, there were a lot of rumors still flying around about Sharon’s supposed involvement with her informant’s untimely and rather gruesome death.

Steve still wasn’t sure how it’d benefit a shadowy terrorist organisation to discredit one agent—no matter how good Sharon was—but he assumed there was a reason.

There were at least half a dozen other cases that J.A.R.V.I.S. and Nat had flagged as suspicious that hit mysterious dead ends: one former A.I.M. scientist turned S.H.I.E.L.D. informant who’d been on the verge of revealing something big vanishing off the face of the Earth; a STRIKE team getting massacred after being given faulty information on an infiltration mission that should’ve been easy; and a U.S. senator who’d been known for her progressive style changing her tune entirely seemingly overnight…

Even the sudden suicide of a popular, if somewhat reclusive, wealthy murder mystery writer had pinged on their radars—the man had been researching the inner workings of police stations and its politics, and had, one week prior to his apparent suicide, rewritten his will to leave his entire family out of it, donating his entire estate, worth an estimated 60 million dollars, at least, to assorted police stations in his home state, and several police officers specifically.

Something was going on, on a large and likely unprecedented scale, and Steve wasn’t sure they were ready to figure out just how big this thing was.

They even had a mole in S.H.I.E.L.D.

One relatively high up the chain of command too, if the sort of information they had access to was any indication—Sharon’s real identity had been classified to hell and back for years. Her deep-cover missions were more intense than Natasha’s half the time, and she hadn’t gone by her own name for longer than a few weeks since she’d joined S.H.I.E.LD.

“All set,” Becca said quietly, breaking him from his musings, drawing his attention back to the security footage, showing Natasha having moved into position too.

“Okay,” Steve nodded. “Here we go.”

He switched back to their shared comms channel and watched as Wanda added a sugar packet to her teacup with calculated, graceful movements, stirring the spoon in the hot liquid before she sipped, taking the time to glance around the square surreptitiously as she did.

He barely suppressed a proud smile as she clocked several hidden gunmen—two of which he hadn’t noticed himself—and whispered their location to her brother, who moved to get them out of the way before anyone could so much as blink.

“Alright,” he said into the comms as soon as Pietro had taken the men out of commission. “Good job, guys. Wanda, keep going; what do you see?”

“Standard beat cops,” Wanda said slowly, talking into her cup so no one would see her lips move. “Small station, quiet street. Pretty good target, I can see why they picked it.”

Steve nodded. “There’s an ATM in the south corner, which means…”

“Cameras,” Wanda finished, glancing briefly towards the aforementioned corner before she returned her attention to the building in front of her. The info they’d gotten pointed to either the little police station or the Center for Infectious Diseases being hit by the as-of-yet nameless terrorist group they’d been chasing for the past six or so months.

Steve personally thought it’d be the CfID, not the little police station, but since the intel hadn’t been clear on it, they couldn’t risk losing their only chance to get their hands on whoever was planning this.

Especially considering they couldn’t find anything more concrete than a vague suspicion that things weren’t adding up. They—Pepper—had negotiated their presence there with the Nigerian government, keeping their interference on the absolute downlow.

Not even S.H.I.E.L.D. had been told.

“Both cross streets are one way,” Becca added over the comms, and Steve watched as Wanda and Pietro, once again hidden in the shadows, checked the street reflexively.

“Compromised escape route,” Pietro muttered, accent thicker still than his sister’s.

Steve nodded along. “Yep. Means our guy doesn’t care about being seen—not afraid to make a mess on the way out. A big departure from their usual M.O.”

It was true—these guys seemed to operate entirely from the shadows in every other way, and Steve wasn’t sure what it meant for them if they decided they were ready to step out of said shadows.

“It’s suspicious,” Becca insisted. “See that Range Rover halfway up the block, Wanda?”

“Yeah, the red one?” Wanda sipped her tea again. “It’s cute.”

Nat chuckled across the comms and said, “It’s also bulletproof. Probably private security, which means more guns, which means more headaches for someone—probably us.”

“Plates aren’t registered,” Becca piped in. “J.A.R.V.I.S. is hacking into a few more databases to see if he can find that make and model listed anywhere, but it’s slow-going.” She huffed in annoyance. “There’s way too many red Range Rovers in Nigeria, what the hell.”

“Eyes on the target,” Steve reminded them sternly. “This is the best lead we’ve had in months. I don’t want to lose it.”

“Aye aye cap’n,” Natasha quipped semi-seriously, and Steve laughed along with the others despite himself.

“Tony’s almost there, in case you guys need him,” Becca reminded them, “and he’s being whiny about not being on the same comms channel, so if I let him in, will you play nice?”

Steve gasped playfully. “Why, Becca, I’m offended by the implication. I always play nice.”

“You’re a little shit, Rogers,” Becca told him, before something clicked and Tony’s voice became audible. “—and I mean, I can totally dig the seriousness of this mission, I’m cool, I’m just saying a little AC/DC never hurt anyone.”

“A little AC/DC would definitely hurt now,” Steve replied, eyeing the street before him again.

“Capsicle!” Tony exclaimed. “Congrats on the coming out! Papers are all over it. The U.S. is losing its shit. I applaud you, my good man. I’ll order you a cake when we get home. Bi-pride colors and everything. We can invite Aunt Peg and Aunt Becky. Also, I think FOX News is having a meltdown. Or going on lockdown. Not sure which would be more entertaining, honestly,” he hummed happily.

Steve stopped short. “What?”

“What?” Natasha and Wanda and Pietro echoed.

“Right,” Becca said slowly. “You left right after Chicago.”

Steve’s stomach sank. “Oh, fuck,” he said empathically.

Tony gasped theatrically. “Captain, language.”

“Shut up, Tony,” Steve bit out, before sighing and rubbing a hand over his forehead. “How much of a headache is this gonna be? It just kinda slipped out.”

“Eh,” Tony said, surprisingly gentle. “I’ve caused bigger headaches. I think the conservative, racist part of the country is having a meltdown, because they can’t use you as a poster-boy for their ass backwards shit anymore, but most people are cool with it. Applauding you for being brave enough to come out for who you and Barnes were—and talking shit about the reporter that bullied you into making that grandiose speech in the first place.”

Steve groaned.

“Steve,” Becca said quietly. “You’re fine. No one is going to judge you, and people that do are really not worth your time or your consideration.”

“Uh,” Tony said. “While I totally agree, and hate to break up the moment… There’s a large group of people moving in the CfID—like abnormally. I can only see heat signatures, but I’m willing to bet these guys are armed. I’m thinking our terrorists might already be here.”

“Becca,” Steve barked, moving out the door and down the stairs of their look-out apartment before Tony had even stopped talking.

“Hacking into security cams now,” Becca replied immediately.

“Pietro, get Natasha and Wanda inside,” Steve ordered. “Then come back for me. Don’t be seen.”

“Yep,” Pietro said shortly, and Steve heard the slight rush of fast-moving air as the boy started moving.

By the time Steve’d reached street level, the other three were gone, and he barely had time to blink before Pietro blurred back into sight before him, grinning wildly. “Ready, Captain?” he asked, before putting his hands on Steve’s shoulders and moving.

The world blurred and moved, and his head spun wildly before Pietro came to a stop, hidden behind a large pillar, only a few feet from where Nat and Wanda stood, readying themselves for a fight.

Nat’s Widow’s Bites were sparking, and Wanda’s hands were already encased with that tell-tale ominous red energy. Steve checked that the straps of his shield were tight enough on his arm, and then nodded at the two women. “Definitely body armor. Possibly AR-15s—likely hand guns and knives too. I make seven hostiles,” he whispered, glancing towards the men dressed in black tac gear.

Natasha huffed and moved forwards, launching herself into the air by a graceful jump off a chair—she landed on two of the men, taking them down in a tangle of limbs and electric current, their choked off screams echoing eerily in the building.

Steve moved before the other men had had the chance to react to Nat’s sudden attack, lobbing the shield towards two of the other men, who had raised their guns to Nat immediately, knocking both of them clean off their feet. The man that stood next to them shouted in alarm, but before he could do so much as raise his gun, he was tackled to the ground by a blur of movement, and then fastened in place by an eerie red glow that spread, quickly, to encompass all other men, freezing their limbs in place.

“Good job,” Steve told Wanda when she appeared from behind the relative safety of the pillar, eyes glowing as red as the mist encompassing her hands.

“I can’t hold them long,” she told him calmly. “Natasha, you should cuff them so I can let go.”

Natasha was already moving, pulling handcuffs from wherever she managed to stash them in her skin tight outfit, when someone let out a strangled, “Stop!”

Steve spun around, finding one of the men had managed to move enough to pull his helmet off, revealing—

“Brock?” Steve said incredulously.

“What?” Becca demanded in his ear, as Natasha stepped up beside him, eyeing Brock Rumlow, who was held immobile by Wanda’s red magic in what looked like a very uncomfortable position, with a considering expression.

“What the fuck?” the other man demanded when Wanda released him after Steve nodded at her, collapsing on his knees before he managed to steady himself. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What are you doing?” Natasha countered. “No one is supposed to be here.”

“We got a tip,” Rumlow spat. “Jesus, Romanoff, we’re meant to catch some terrorist group that the higher ups are really interested in. You better fucking hope you didn’t scare them away! Now fucking let my STRIKE guys loose.” He glared at Wanda, who bit her lip and looked at Steve first, waiting for his approval before she did as Rumlow said and released the other men.

A chorus of groans and muffled curses followed their release, and a small part of Steve felt a little smug that Wanda had been able to keep at least ten guys—a full fucking STRIKE team—down without visibly breaking a sweat.

Take that, every asshole who ever dared imply she didn’t deserve her spot on the team.

“He’s telling the truth,” Becca said hesitantly. “I’ve got the paperwork here. J.A.R.V.I.S. just hacked into the S.H.I.E.L.D. servers. Orders came straight from Maria—probably from Fury or Pierce before it came to her. It looks legit, Steve. They got the same tip we did.”

Steve exchanged a glance with Natasha, who had her arms crossed over her chest, staring down each of Rumlow’s STRIKE guys with a blank expression that he knew was tailor-made to scare the shit out of even the bravest of men. Judging by their expressions, Rumlow’s guys may not be the bravest of men.

She just lifted one eyebrow at him, and Becca suggested, “Maybe tell him some of the truth?”

Steve exhaled slowly.

“We also got a tip,” he told Rumlow. “Couple of hours ago. It came directly to us, seemed urgent. We contacted the Nigerian government directly and flew in. We didn’t want to risk losing these guys.”

Rumlow scoffed. “So urgent you couldn’t notify S.H.I.E.L.D. at all?”

“Tell him we told Fury,” Tony butted in. “Becca, J.A.R.V.I.S. will make it happen.”

Steve didn’t question their decision to fudge the truth. They’d established Avengers Black Op on this entire mission for a reason, and much as Steve enjoyed beating the man up during his mandatory hand-to-hand combat sessions, Brock did not make the cut for trusted individuals.

Not even Sharon had made the cut.

“We notified Fury,” he said, shrugging. “Didn’t hear back from him, and the Nigerian government had already given us permission to be here, so…”

“Damn it. They should’ve run it through us, man,” Brock grumbled. “Could’ve saved us this whole thing.” He glanced toward the two men Steve had knocked to the ground and the man Nat had tased with her Widow’s bites, and groaned. “Paperwork’s going to be a bitch.”

Steve hung his head.

He hated to say it, but Brock was right, damn it.

“Get them out,” Rumlow told Rollins, who Steve had worked with on occasion, and a fresh-faced kid who was likely a new recruit, gesturing to the three men that were still on the floor. “Make sure they get medical attention and that you’re not seen.” He glanced towards Steve and the others and heaved a sigh, “tell Hill we got back up from the Avengers.”

“Actually,” Becca drawled, “Hill just sent me an Avengers Assemble alert. Looks like there’s… something going on a couple of miles from where you guys are. Some guy called…” she hesitated and then snorted, “Killmonger? I dunno, he’s American special ops, but he called in for help not even a minute ago, something about a crazy man with voodoo powers taking out his whole team. We’re the closest back-up he’s got.”

Steve groaned. “Alright. Tony, fly ahead, scope out the situation, see what’s what. Pietro—”

“Aye aye, Cap,” the young man quipped, before pressing a lightning quick kiss to his sister’s cheek and blurring out of sight.

“We got an Assemble alert,” he told Rumlow reluctantly. “Becca’s informed S.H.I.E.L.D. you need more back-up, but if anything goes sideways, hail us, yeah? Pietro or Stark can be here before you can even blink if you need them.”

Rumlow nodded. “Yeah. Let’s hope we haven’t managed to chase away our mark.”

“Let’s hope not,” Steve agreed, before turning to Nat and Wanda, nodding his head towards the exit.

He wasn’t sure how they’d managed to get their wires crossed so intensely, because he could’ve sworn J.A.R.V.I.S. had checked S.H.I.E.L.D.’s database for similar tips beforehand, but there wasn’t anything for it now. There was possibly something more going on, someone playing them all, pulling on their strings like they were nothing but puppets, but he didn’t have time to figure it out now.

Someone needed their help.

Rumlow, S.H.I.E.L.D., and everything else could wait.

———————

Fox News (@FoxNews) 36 min.

BREAKING: Captain America comes out of the closet? Has this national hero been lying to the country, or did he simply misspeak? Surely @captainRogers will clarify this misunderstanding soon.

Steve Rogers — Captain America (@CaptainRogers) 2 min.

@FoxNews Did I fucking stutter?

———————

Brooklyn V.A. Medical center, Brooklyn, New York, United States of America

April 20

th

, 2016Steve

Steve just barely managed to squeeze himself into the tiny little bathroom stall of the V.A. center with Becca, gamely holding his breath as well as Becca’s hair as she retched into the toilet after an unfortunate incident involving the snack table for the meeting and a stray sandwich with blue cheese.

“Ugh,” Becca groaned miserably, leaning back and wiping her mouth on a wad of toilet paper before dropping it in the toilet and flushing it. “I thought this part was supposed to be over.”

Steve smiled lightly and tugged her close so her head could rest back against his shoulder.

“From what I remember,” Steve said slowly, keeping his voice level and calm to help Becca calm down—because he remembered how much throwing up triggered Becca sometimes, and he knew how difficult the first few weeks of the pregnancy had been for her, how relieved she’d been when the morning sickness had finally abated—rubbing his hand over the swell of her stomach softly. “It can come up any time. My mom used to say it was because your senses are heightened, primed to notice anything that could be a danger to the baby.”

“That’s a nice thought, actually,” Becca nodded. “I don’t think I mind being sick if it keeps the baby safe.”

Steve smiled and leaned his cheek against Becca’s temple. “Well, I hope for your sake that you don’t have to be sick anymore.”

“Me too,” Becca hummed.

They sat quietly for a few more minutes before Becca gasped, suddenly, looking down at her belly with wide eyes. “Look,” she told him urgently, tugging on his arm urgently until he moved, and they were sitting opposite one another with their backs against the walls of the stall, Becca’s legs curled underneath her and Steve’s awkwardly stretched out.

Becca pulled up her shirt a little, revealing the pale expanse of her stomach, littered with little silvery stretch marks and a few dark, puckered marks that she tended to hide otherwise. Today, though, the marks seemed the last thing on Becca’s mind, because she grabbed his hand and pressed it to her stomach again, just next to her belly button. “Look,” she insisted.

Steve dropped his eyes to her stomach as well, and he couldn’t really stop the gasp that fell from his lips when, suddenly, the outline of what was clearly a tiny foot pressed out into Becca’s skin just above his fingertips, remaining there for a few seconds before it disappeared again. “Shit,” he laughed, looking up at his friend with a grin, “that’s so weird. And cool.” He looked down again, but the little foot did not make another appearance. “You’re actually growing a person in there,” he added breathlessly.

Becca snorted and shoved at him. “What, did you think I stuffed a watermelon under my shirt before now? You’ve felt them kick before.” She elbowed him in the side and chuckled, “You’ve read more of the parenting books than any of us have.”

“Well,” Steve spluttered, a little embarrassed, “yeah. But this is different.”

Becca laughed again, but it wasn’t mean or mocking, and Steve grinned too, despite himself.

“Steven? Rebecca?”

Thor’s voice was loud enough to drift through the walls even when he was clearly trying to be quiet, and Steve grinned at Becca when she perked up immediately.

“In here,” Steve said, raising his voice just a little—Thor’s hearing was just as good, if not better than Steve’s—as he moved to help Becca back to her feet.

Thor pushed open the door to the bathroom and leaned on the doorjamb, smiling at them lightly, although his forehead was creased into a slightly concerned frown. “Everyone alright?” he asked casually, reaching out to Becca as soon as she was within reach.

Becca grimaced but nodded, leaning into Thor’s touch gratefully. “Blue cheese,” she said, nose wrinkling in disgust, and Thor made a small sound of comprehension, needing no further explanation after the last time Becca had encountered blue cheese in the common room of the Tower, and instead rubbing his hand over her back in a soothing gesture.

“You ready, Steve?” Becca asked, turning back to him with a grin.

“Born ready,” he said confidently.

——————

Steve was absolutely not ready.

He fidgeted, his hands trembling just shy of imperceptibly when he took the microphone from Sam. The room was about as filled as it usually was for the Thursday V.A. meeting, but the thought of ‘sharing’ still reminded him of the feeling he’d had when Senator Brandt had first thrust him into the spotlight on a stage somewhere in Philadelphia, when he’d wanted nothing more than to run away, to hide so no one could see him ever again.

He’d been wishing to be seen for most of his life at that point, had wished that people would see and notice him, but it’d been nothing like he’d thought it would be.

He’d made a promise to Sam though, and he wasn’t going to back out.

Becca and Thor were tucked into a corner of the room, Thor’s hands absently rubbing across Becca’s belly while Becca smiled encouragingly. She’d shared with the group the previous week, and it’d broken Steve up to hear, first-hand, the things people had done to her—before, during and after her capture—but she hadn’t been the only one.

There’d been a young man, too young to have the same kind of shadows lingering behind his eyes that they all seemed to, who came up to her afterwards, who thanked her for sharing, and for reminding them that… that it was possible to build a life afterwards.

That it was possible to learn how to live and be happy again.

Steve had diligently pretended Becca wasn’t crying when they walked home, but he’d held her hand and hugged her close when she’d asked him to anyway.

He’d told himself that sharing what had happened to him might help someone else. He’d told Sam the same, and Sam had held him to it, inviting him up to speak after everyone who’d volunteered had had their chance to speak, because “No one wants to follow your act, Rogers.”

Steve swallowed thickly and glanced at the expectant, curious faces of their group. “Hi,” he finally said, voice cracking with nerves. “I’m sure all of you know who I am.” He grinned lightly and added, “I usually lurk in the back with my friend, eating all of the donuts, like the creepers we actually are.”

That got a couple of scattered laughs, and Becca shot him a thumbs up from her corner.

Steve exhaled and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the lectern that stood at the front of the room. “I’m Steve,” he began. “I’m thirty-two, and I went to war when I was twenty-four, and sometimes it feels like I’ve never left it behind. Sometimes it feels like I never will.” There were a few understanding murmurs, and something loosened slightly in his chest.

He could do this.

“I went to war because I had to,” he continued, chewing on his lower lip. “Because there were good, healthy people dying on the front lines every day, fighting to defend us, our families, and I was dying anyway, so what right did I have to do any less than them?” He swallowed thickly. “I was dying anyway, and I wanted my death to have more meaning than my life had.”

The room had gone utterly silent, and Steve didn’t dare look up, for fear he’d lose his nerve.

“It’s a funny thing,” he continued, “to be so aware of your own mortality. I wasn’t even very angry about the unfairness of it anymore. Buck—my—the love of my life,” he admitted, still a little shy to be so public about something so private, “he was angry. He was the sweetest guy you’d ever meet, charming and handsome and kind, but he was so fucking angry at God and the universe and whatever else there was, because I was dying, and there was nothing anyone could do about it… and then they called him to war too.”

Steve blinked back a tear, a little startled by how emotional he felt, by how hard recalling the memories was. “And he went,” he said. “He went, and what else could I do than everything I could to either follow him, or to die trying?” He looked up, briefly catching Becca’s shiny eyes before his gaze fell to Sam. Sam, who’d supported him, who hadn’t let their rough start at a friendship get in the way—who understood in a way even Becca never had.

“The machine they used to give me all of this—” He gestured vaguely at his body. “It looked like a coffin.”

There were a few gasps from the group, but no one interrupted when he continued, “And I thought it would be mine. There had been seventeen test subjects before me.” He looked down. “I was the only one to ever survive, but I didn’t know that when I went in. I thought I was going to be number eighteen, the one they could hopefully learn from, so they could help people.”

“Obviously,” he said with a weak smile, “it worked. And I went, and I fought, tooth and nail, for the life I’d been real eager to leave behind, for Bucky and his sisters, for his family—my family. I fought for everyone that couldn’t, for everyone we’d already lost, and for once, I felt like a hero.” He stopped and looked down, noting that his hands were shaking so bad he could barely hold the microphone without hitting himself in the face.

“When Bucky—the mission we were on—” He shook his head and lowered the microphone, breathing in deeply to regain some measure of composure. Because, while no one here would judge him, he wouldn’t be able to finish if he let himself cry now. “He saved my life, like he always did, like he’d been doing since we were both four feet tall and getting into fights with people twice our size. I got knocked down and he picked up my shield, and—” Steve choked lightly, tears running down his cheeks despite his best efforts to hold them at bay. “We were both nearly blown off the side of the train,” he said hoarsely. “I thought—God, for a second, I thought I had him. He managed to hang on by a railing, and I was so close. His—his fingers brushed past mine when it broke off and he fell.”

The room was deathly silent, and when he looked up, he saw that several other people were nodding, crying, knowing. “I almost fell,” Steve admitted. “I almost fell too. Sometimes I wish I had.”

He was quiet for a few seconds before he whispered, “Grief… Grief is a funny thing. Grief shatters something inside of you that you didn’t know could shatter, and it seeps into the cracks, like water that slowly freezes, slowly expands into ice until it’s all you can feel—until you can’t even remember what it felt like to live without the cracks, without the grief filling up that space. I didn’t… after Bucky fell, I lost my mind a little. I froze… long before I put the Valkyrie in the ice. I fought, and I killed, and I didn’t care that I was doing it, because every single Hydra soldier was one that was responsible for the love of my life dying alone at the bottom of a ravine. The Valkyrie…” He shook his head and sighed. “Putting down the Valkyrie was a relief, because at least it meant that whatever was going to happen, Bucky would be waiting for me on the other side.”

He swallowed. “And then I woke up here. And whatever soul, whatever heart I had left, it shattered further; the grief, the ice spread further, because everyone was gone. Everyone I’d ever known, everyone I’d ever loved—even the country I’d died for. Everything.”

He exhaled shakily and looked up, meeting Becca’s teary gaze, and managing a weak smile.

“I made it through. I made it through because I still had family that needed me, that missed me, that knew me, and that refused to give up on me even when I had.” He deliberately looked at every member of their group. “Including the Valkyrie, I tried to take my own life six times. I tried to leave, tried to give up what Bucky had died to give me—and I still think about it sometimes. I’m not always okay. I sit out missions that I know will trigger me, I have three different therapists, and I have an unrelenting support network. I’m lucky—so many of us don’t have all of that. But I want you, at least, to know that you do as well. I’m just one man, even with my name and reputation, and there’s only so much I can do—but when any of us, any of you need support, even if it’s just a shoulder to cry on…”

He shrugged one shoulder and smiled. “They’re a lot bigger and stronger than they used to be. I promise there’s room to help you shoulder your burden. I want you to know that you have that support. I thought I had no one for the longest time, even surrounded by friends and family, and I don’t wish that feeling on anyone.”

He looked down again and sighed. “The ice… the grief doesn’t go away,” he admitted. “Not really. But you learn. You learn to breathe with it, rather than against it, you learn how to cope, even when you can’t understand, and that’s all anyone can ask of you. Even on days when it feels like you’ll never leave the war behind, even when things are at its bleakest, there’s going to be better days. There’s always people that’ll care, that’ll miss you, that’ll need you.”

He squared his jaw and promised, “And when you have no one, I’ll be your someone. We will be your people. We’ll miss you. We’ll need you, and we’ll drag you through hell, to show you how good life is on the other side. You’re never alone.”

——————

Start from the beginning:

In Hell We Stand By You:

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)

Never Feel Alone:

(1) (2)

Decisions: (1)

Dancing with a Limp:

(1) (2)

Chances:

(1)

Starting Over:

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)

Or read it HERE on AO3 :D Find the next chapter HERE on Tumblr :)

[t0ngue-tech]

Deadline | Three

“Without saying a single word, you emerged turned around and reached out to wrap your arms around Jungkook’s torso. He stumbled a bit before finding his footing. You knew you caught him off guard because it took him a few seconds before he snaked his arms underneath your hair to secure them around your neck.

‘U-Uh--’ Jungkook stammered.”

↠fluff, angst, highschoolAU, fakerelationshipAU↞

word count: 7.4k

↠series: 1 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ↞ 

A/N: HI GUISE OMG IT’S BEEN SO LONG HASNT IT, BUT HERE I AM!!!! ive honestly been working on this since finals and even when finals finished, i hit a writer’s block. then, all of a sudden i was hit with a rush of motivation and this is the outcome huhu. i hope you all enjoy!!!!

-

-

-

The clock ticked endlessly on and on as the students of your history class were in disarray. Usually everybody would be working with their partners on the history project, but a substitute teacher sat at your teacher’s desk instead; this meant a free period.

Jennie sat with you, huddled in a corner of the classroom catching up on other work for another class. You assisted her with whatever she needed while also proofreading a paper from your AP English class.

“Are you sure you don’t want to sit by Jungkook?” Jennie whispered.

Your eyes darted across the room and spotted Jungkook with his head down on the desk, buried within his arms.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” You brought your attention back to your paper.

“You do know that two of Chaeyoung’s goons are in this class, right? They’re probably going to tell every single detail about you and Jungkook that happens here.” Jennie leaned in closer to keep her voice at a hushed whisper.

Jennie did have a point, but despite that, you stayed planted in your seat. You were used to having Chaeyoung’s friends’ eyes glancing at you from time to time in class but ever since the night in the diner parking lot, they’ve been watching you like a hawk. It was a bit concerning.

The substitute reminded everyone that the sign-in sheet was at the front of the class and to straighten out the desk before leaving. Before the bell rang, Jungkook awoke from the sound of the desks scraping against the tile floors. He stretched out his limbs and lazily threw his backpack over his shoulder.

As soon as the bell rang, the students stampeded towards the door and Jennie bid you adieu. Jungkook glided across the class to where you were, still putting papers in their correct folders. He held your water bottle and phone in one hand, patiently waiting for you to get situated. When you finished adjusting your bag on your bag, he silently reached for your hand and slid his fingers in between yours. It’s been roughly two weeks and you still weren’t used to the feeling of holding his hand.

“I’ve never seen you look this tired.” You spoke over the rush of students in the hallway.

Jungkook yawned deeply and shook his head to wake himself up a little. “I’ve had three consecutive late night training and it’s been a while since I’ve done this.”

“Do you have a fight coming up?”

“Next month, but I need to make weight and train as much as I can so I have a lot of work to do.” He explained.

“Hm,” you hummed. “I guess this means you have to cut back on the fries.”

Jungkook dropped his jaw slightly. “Oh my god, you’re right.”

Since the two of you started this fake relationship, Jungkook always walked you to your fourth period. He didn’t mind being a few minutes late to his class because his teacher was “cool.” It worried you a little, but he stressed that it was really no big deal.

“Do you have a meeting after school?” Jungkook stationed you against the wall near your classroom to let other students pass through.

“I just have to drop off a few folders to the club classroom and then I have to pick up a package for my mom at the post office right after.” You reached for the items Jungkook held for you and he gave them back to you with ease.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then. I’m gonna head straight home after school to sleep before my practice tonight.” Jungkook sighed as he enveloped you into a tight hug. The hug lasted roughly a minute and just before he let go, it felt as if he placed a soft kiss to the top of your head; unless that was his chin bumping against you because of how tall he was compared to you.

You were used to seeing Jungkook with an abundance of energy and seeing how physically exhausted he was now worried you a lot more than it should have. Instead of focusing like how you usually did, you spent the entire class period looking up different kinds of foods that boxers could eat while trying to make weight. A lot of the information you found were similar lists of light proteins and reminders to watch the sugar and fat intake.

A lightbulb went off somewhere inside of your head and you were now creating a small shopping list in the notes section of your phone. This wasn’t your problem, but somehow you felt compelled to support him. Maybe it was the title of being his “girlfriend,” who knows.

↠↞

You [3:04]: hi mom, i just picked up your package and i’m heading to the grocery store. let me know asap if you need anything

When you arrive at the grocery store parking lot, your mother replied with a short list of a dozen eggs, cherry tomatoes, and a bag of salt and vinegar chips.

“Ground turkey...ground turkey...ground turk-ah.” You dropped the package of lean meat into your shopping cart.

You never tried cooking any of the dishes you had bookmarked on your phone, so your nerves were shaking inside of you. There was a lot more options that weren’t as complicated, but of course, you didn’t want to settle with that.

It never occurred to you that there was a possibility you could poison Jungkook just before his boxing match. This thought made you want to put everything back on the shelves, but you also thought about how tired Jungkook looked today and it gave you some strength to follow through with your plan.

“Ooooh, mama y/n. Making dishes for your man.”

On your way home, Jennie called you to talk for a bit before she took her sister to her dance lesson. You filled her in with your plan to make a few meals for Jungkook so he can keep his energy up and Jennie was elated.

“Jennie, calm down. He’s not my man. I’m just trying to better a good...person? For him?” You pulled up to your driveway and disconnected your phone from your car. “Am I taking this role too seriously?”

“Sigh, y/n. You’re doing exactly what you need to do.” Jennie explained in your ear. “This is going to help you feel more like a girlfriend-girlfriend for him! I’ve seen you hang out with him at school and I can tell you’re still awkward with this whole thing.”

You shuffled into your house with your bags of groceries dangling from your arms and your phone tucked in between your shoulder and ear. “I’m still trying to get used to him, okay? You still have a point, but I might kill him.”

Jennie laughed in your ear and sighed. “That’s okay!”

Your mother waved at your from the kitchen counter and rushed over to help you with your bags.

“I’ll let you know how it goes, bye! Love you!” Just like that, you hung up before Jennie could say anything else.

You remembered that you didn’t tell your mother about Jungkook and you weren’t ready to confront her about him yet.

“How was school, y/n?” Your mother glided over to help you unload your bags.

“It was fine—it’s okay mom, I got this, you can continue with whatever you were doing.” There was a tinge of panic in your voice which didn’t sound as convincing as you wanted it to be.

Your mother lifted an eyebrow and reached in to grab her bag of chips. “Okay, honey. Just uh, don’t forget to put the eggs in the fridge.”

It took a few minutes for your mother to leave the kitchen because she rummaged through the fridge to retrieve a bottle of iced tea to have with her chips. She sat down at the dining table where her laptop was set up as well as a stack of papers.

You silently moved around the kitchen to put certain foods inside of the fridge and laid out a cutting board and other cooking utensils. The first order of business was to wash the lettuce and other vegetables you were going to use.

“Let’s see, lettuce wraps…” After rinsing the vegetables, you tied an apron around your waist. “Season the ground turkey with salt…” You whispered the instructions to yourself and carefully measured the spices and dropped them into the bowl with the ground turkey. It was such a delicate process and you wanted to get everything right on the first try because besides preparing him a few meals, you wanted to surprise him during his training tonight.

To an extent, you knew your way around the kitchen. You could easily whip a meal for yourself that could be done with minimum ingredients, but you weren’t skilled enough to create detailed meals meant for others to eat. This was one of those cases.

You were tempted to ask your mother for assistance because she cooked more often than you did. It wouldn’t hurt to do so, plus you could easily say that the food was for yourself.

“Mom…?” You called out quietly.

Your mother hummed and typed away at her keyboard.

“I may or may not need help.”

She stood up from her chair to take a glance at whatever you were doing. All of your ingredients were sprawled out all over the island in the kitchen. Everything was in disarray and your mother chuckled at the chaos.

“And what in the world are you making?” Your mother closed her laptop and strolled over to the mess of vegetables and packages of meat.

“I—uh, I’m making a whole bunch of shi—“ you stopped yourself from completing your sentence. “Stuff. A whole bunch of stuff.”

You barely started the cooking process and you already felt defeated. It was in your nature to figure things out and handle things on your own, but this was cooking for another party so you needed all the help the universe could give you.

“Okay, well, what exactly are you making y/n?” Your mother asked while tying on her own apron.

“Ground turkey lettuce wraps, roasted vegetables, sweet potato fries, and some sort of protein bowl with these chicken tenders, and a lot more stuff.” As you listed your menu, your mother stared at you suspiciously. “What?”

“Nothing, I just—I didn’t know you had such a healthy diet that’s all.”

There were two reasons why you felt yourself sweating: 1) prepping ingredients was tough work and 2) you hated lying to your mother.

“Yeah, I just wanted to try something new, you know? Gotta stay in shape somehow someway.” You let out a nervous chuckle and your mother stared at you, unconvinced.

It took a few seconds before your mother scaled the island to stand next to you. She eyed out the mess in front of you and sighed.

“You know, y/n,” she began and you swallowed the lump in your throat. “When your father was still alive, I used to prepare a lot of meals for him just like this because he always left for work before the sun came up.”

You knew exactly what your mother was trying to tell you and yet you still hesitated.

“I may be going out on a limb here, but is this for that boy who dropped you off back home a few days ago?”

Right on the money.

It only took a matter of seconds plus the piercing gaze coming from your mother to crumble and nod your head. You had no problem in confining in your mother with absolutely anything, but this was painful for you to do. Despite what you told Jungkook, the reason why you didn’t tell your mother about your “relationship” is because it was only temporary. She had just witnessed you sulk throughout the entire summer and you didn’t want to burden her a second time by telling her that you and Jungkook “broke up.” Keeping the relationship a secret would have been hard work but you had to do what you had to do.

“You saw him?” You asked quietly.

She nodded her head and pulled out an extra cutting board from one of the compartments in the island. “I was repotting some of my flowers at the side of the house and when I got up to stretch, I saw you two through the gate; he opened the door of his car for you.”

For the record, you and Jennie both bet that your mother was going to say something within the first week.

“Uh, y-yeah. His name is Jungkook.” The smile that appeared on your face happened on an impulse.

You proceeded to tell your mother the forged story Jungkook came up with and also mentioned that you known him since elementary and that he was your partner for a history project.

“Wait, is this the same Jungkook who put the gum in your hair?” Your mother exclaimed with a laugh.

“That’s—That’s the one.” The bitter memory of having to cut your hair just below your shoulders flashed in your head. You also remembered the moment when Jungkook’s mother showed up the next day to pick him up from school and made him apologize again. She also gave you a ziploc of powdered brownies because of how terrible she felt.

“Wow, what a small world, huh?” Your mother smiled fondly at you. “Y/n, you know that I don’t want you hiding this kind of thing from me. You can trust me.”

It truly broke your heart hearing her words. If it was already difficult admitting the relationship, you knew you were going to suffer when the deadline would occur.

“I know, mom. I’m sorry.” You replied sadly.

She patted your back and grinned. “Don’t be sorry, honey. Now let’s get this chaos in order because first and foremost, you should always prep all of your ingredients first.”

Cooking took a lot longer than you expected because of your lack of skills. It was a trainwreck, but your mother managed to assist you in making a few days worth of meal prep for Jungkook. Even though you burnt your fingers on the pans from roasting the vegetables in the oven, you were satisfied with the outcome.

“Hopefully Jungkook isn’t going to die.” You sighed.

Your mother pulled out a reusable bag from the cupboard and neatly stacked the tupperwares inside.

“He’s going to be fine, y/n. I taste tested your food and it tastes fine. Just be sure to tell Jungkook that I’m going to be needing my tupperware back.” She instructed.

You nodded and mentioned that you were going to use her car because your keys were in your room which was “too far” for you.

As you boarded the driver side of her car, you sighed deeply thinking about if this was too much of a gesture. Giving someone food is one thing but making a home cooked meal was another.

“It’s fine, y/n. It’s fine. It’s just food, it’s not like your kissing him or something—okay wait, no. Just shut up and drive.” You muttered to yourself and started the engine.

↠↞

The gym that Jungkook trained at was about a fifteen to twenty minute drive from your house which meant it was most likely closer to his house. It was no secret where Jungkook trained, plus you had him on almost all of your social media platforms so you saw parts of what the gym looked like.

When you pulled into the parking lot, you spotted Jungkook’s car easily because of how bare the lot was at that time of night. You had time to abort your mission, but you found yourself stepping out of your vehicle and grabbing the bag from the passenger seat.

Entering the gym, there was a strong stench of overused body spray mixed with the tiniest tinge of sweat. There were a few people still using the exercise equipment and a few boys and girls working with a trainer. You took a couple of more steps inside and you easily spotted Jungkook sparring with his coach in the boxing ring towards the left wing of the gym. You approached the surrounding area cautiously, not wanting to distract Jungkook from his training.

You watched Jungkook take forceful jabs to the sparring equipment that his coach was holding. The sound of his boxing gloves hitting his coach’s punching mitts was intense, almost making you flinch with each punch. With the headgear blocking majority of his face, it was still clear it was Jungkook because of his strawberry blond hair.

From where you were standing, you could hear his coach tell him to take a break for a bit. He helped Jungkook remove his mouth guard and boxing gloves. Jungkook took off his headgear and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. He quickly glanced in your direction and took a double take just as quick. Jungkook climbed out of the ring and you met him half way as he wiped down his body with a towel.

“Hey, uh, this is a nice surprise.” Jungkook chuckled.

“Hi.” You said blankly. You didn’t realize you were spacing out until Jungkook waved his hand in front of your face. “I come bearing gifts.”

Before handing him the bag, Jungkook offered you a seat at a bench nearby. He sat down a couple of inches away from you, apologizing that he probably smells disgusting and is drenched with sweat.

“I couldn’t shake the thought of you being exhausted all day and you also mentioned that you had to make weight. So I took the liberty to meal prep you some food.” You explained and handed him the bag.

Jungkook smiled at you with a shocked expression and peered inside of the bag. He rummaged through the tupperware that were labeled with post its.

“Y/n, I--I don’t know what to say, thank you so much.” He couldn’t erase the smile from his lips and opened up the tupperware that contained a thick turkey wrap that was cut into two. There was also a batch of roasted sweet potatoes, parsnip, and red bell peppers stuffed inside. “Did you eat dinner yet?”

Well shit. You were so focused on cooking for Jungkook that you haven’t even eaten anything since that afternoon.

“N-No, I haven’t.”

“Great! No, not great but, wanna stay for about ten more minutes? I’m gonna do one more session and I want to share this with you.” Jungkook closed up the tupperware and stood up.

You were worried that Jungkook felt hesitant about eating the food you made yourself; with the help of your mother of course. But he looked extremely excited about asking you to eat with him that saying no didn’t seem like an option.

“Yeah, I’ll stay.” You answered sweetly.

“Okay, just sit tight.” He spoke, practically skipping all the way back to the boxing ring.

Before getting started, Jungkook and his coach exchanged a few words and peeked over Jungkook’s shoulder to wave at you. It was most likely he introduced you as his girlfriend; it was still a weird title to have under your belt.

It was exhilarating watching Jungkook in the ring. You didn’t mean to stare, but you found yourself gawking at his biceps that were glistening under the fluorescent lights. You remembered Jungkook being scrawny back in middle school and freshman year. Then all of sudden, he grew taller, gained muscles, and gained the habit of dying his hair often. Honestly, he had always been adorable but you never saw Jungkook in that way, ever. It was difficult to admit, but he looked attractive in his element.

That was it though. Just attractive.

The ten minutes flew by in a blink of an eye. He politely asked you to wait for another five minutes because he wanted to wash up before sitting in close proximity with you for the second time. Just like those ten minutes, the five minutes passed just as quickly. Jungkook came out from another room, waddling with his drenched hair bouncing everywhere and his duffle bag swinging from his side. He gestured you over to exit the gym which you were thankful for. The overwhelming smell of the body spray started to give you a headache.

↠↞

“Are you sure you want to share this with me? I made this for you, Jungkook.” You questioned as you sat on the parking block in the empty parking stall next to Jungkook’s car.

Jungkook tossed his duffle bag into the backseat of his car and proceeded to sit next to you. He changed into a dark gray track suit and still had water dripping from the ends of his hair.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I always drink some protein after training and that’s going to fill me up pretty well. You can have the other half of this wrap since you didn’t eat yet—oh fuck, my blender bottle.” He retreated back to his car and retrieved his blender bottle that already had a measured amount of protein powder and a bottle of water. “Have you made one of these before?”

You shook your head and he handed you both bottles and just as you were making his meal prep, you felt like you were going to ruin his protein.

“You see this line here? 12 ounce? Fill the blender up to there, close it tightly and then shake as if your life depended on it.” He instructed.

The instructions were simple and yet you still continued to second guess yourself over something so trivial. You did as you were told and as you shook the bottle, Jungkook laughed at the strained look you had on your face.

“Hey! Cut me some slack. I don’t shake protein on a regular basis.” You abruptly stopped the motion and Jungkook continued to laugh whilst pleading for forgiveness.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just--” Jungkook still failed to stifle his laughter. “Your face---” He took the bottle from your hands and imitated the look of your eyes screwed shut and your lips pursed closely to your teeth. Jungkook’s expression caused a burst a laughter to rise out of you and playfully shoved him off of the parking block.

“Just eat your food, Jeon!” You chuckled.

Jungkook recovered from him fit of laughter and proceeded to take the lid off the tupperware. Your fingers trembled as he handed you the other half of the wrap. While your eyes held the gaze of anxiety, he had the gaze of astonishment mixed with hunger.

“So, what’s in it?” He asked whilst examining the wrap.

“Uh, turkey breast slices, yellow bell pepper, spinach, tomato, and hummus.” As you explained, Jungkook lifted the wrap closer and closer to his mouth.

The deafening silence between the two of you as Jungkook bit and chewed was astounding. Your throat had gone dry and it felt as if your half of the wrap was going to slide out of your hands.

Jungkook abruptly stopped mid-chew and looked at you with his eyebrows knitted together. Your eyes turned into moons as you felt your heart break piece by piece.

“Y/n…” Jungkook mumbled slowly.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, trying to prepare yourself for the rejection of your food. However, you did expect it.

“This is fucking delicious.” He said in pure bliss. “I don’t ever eat anything like this, but holy shit, this is amazing.”

The disappointed look on your face twisted into a confused facial expression. “Really?! Are you sure?”

“Try it.”

Even after your mother’s approval and Jungkook’s compliment, you were still hesitant in taking a bite. Jungkook gestured at you to try the turkey wrap as he took his own bite.

You took a breath and proceeded to follow through with the action. After chewing for a bit, you came to the realization that, “wow, okay, this isn’t bad.”

“See?! It’s great!” Jungkook gave you a pat on the shoulder. “Why were you so nervous about it?”

“It’s because the only people I’ve ever cooked for are my mom and Jennie.” You explained. “I make the most basic things ever, so you know, of course I’d be nervous making you something that I made.”

He nodded his head and reached for one of the vegetables in the tupperware. “Well, I really appreciate it, y/n—for doing this, I mean. You didn’t have to.”

“I know.” You sighed. “I wanted to.”

Jungkook smiled at you with his cheeks puffed out from the food that he stuffed inside. You felt compelled to poke one of his cheeks, but you fought it because bringing him food was already as “intimate” as you could get.

You still found it hard to make the first move to hold Jungkook’s hand in school or even hook your arm with his. He always initiated skinship first which you were grateful for because you were obviously too chicken to do it yourself.

“So,” You started after swallowing another bite of the turkey wrap. “I uh--my mom, she uh, you know, knows.”

Jungkook stopped midway through his bite and stared at you with concerning eyes. “What happened?”

You began to tell the tale of your mother’s smart instincts. Jungkook’s cheeks flushed for a moment.

“She remembers you as the kid who put gum in my hair.” You gently nudged his shoulder and he snorted at the memory.

“Ah, yeah, I remember that. My mom got so mad at me.” He sighed and flicked at a lock of your hair with clean fingers. “Sorry about that, by the way.”

You envisioned the eleven year old version of Jungkook who “stealthily” stuck a wad of gum in your hair but tripping over someone’s backpack while trying to flee.

“It’s alright.” You chuckled and put your hand up.

Jungkook quickly finished the rest of his wrap and chugged half of his protein shake. “You want to try some? It’s chocolate.”

You hesitated at first, only because you had that split second thought of sharing an indirect kiss with him.

I need to stop watching anime.

After what seemed to be forever, you reached out and took a swig from his protein bottle and scrunched your nose.

“It tastes like...grass.” You shuddered and smacked your lips, still tasting the chocolately-grass flavored protein on your tongue.

Jungkook laughed sharply and escaped to grab another water bottle to give to you out of his duffle bag. “Yeah sorry, it’s a vegan protein. You get used to it when you drink it often.” He offered you another sip which you declined with a sour facial expression.

Your brain sifted through the thoughts that were racing inside of you and you thought about whether or not Chaeyoung was used to the taste of Jungkook’s protein flavor. You wondered if she ever gave him a home cooked meal or if she randomly showed up at the gym while he was training.

Duh. Of course she has y/n. She was his girlfriend.

You weren’t trying to compare yourself to Chaeyoung, but he did date her for three years which meant he was accustomed to random acts of flirtatious banter and actions. On the other hand, you were also used to those things but with Sehun, not Jungkook. It never really occurred to you before, but you wondered why he never hesitated to show public displays of affection to you; his breakup with Chaeyoung was just as “recent” as yours and yet it almost seemed like a second nature for him.

Just this once, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

“Hey Jungkook,” you began softly waiting for a signal from him to continue your words. “How is it so easy for you to do this?”

He tilted his head and pointed to his blender bottle. “Do what? Drink my protein?”

“No.” You chuckled. “I don’t know, pretend to be in this relationship with me. Pet names, holding my hand, you know, the works.”

Jungkook stretched his legs out in front of him and took a deep breath. “Honestly,” he started. “It isn’t easy.”

You raised an eyebrow. You weren’t expecting this answer at all.

“For three years, I’ve only affectionately held one girl’s hand and called only one girl babe or whatever. It’s all I’ve ever known--routine, you know. So, jumping right into something new terrified me a little, but I knew I had to be confident about this so Chaeyoung could finally leave me alone.” Jungkook explained.

This was probably one of the most serious moments you ever had with Jungkook. While you always made it known that you weren’t used to PDA with Jungkook, he remained confident with every move he made that you never suspected him to feel the same way as you did. It was honestly impressive.

Also, Jungkook was right. He had to do this in order for Chaeyoung to finally get off his back. Although you held his hand in the hallways and hugged him whenever he initiated it, Chaeyoung and her lackeys could probably tell from a mile away that there was something suspicious just from the look in your eyes; a woman’s intuition.

If you put as much effort as Jungkook did in the beginning, then maybe this whole thing would be over much quicker. After all, that was the stipulations of this fake relationship: it would last until Chaeyoung gives up. You also had a hidden goal embedded in this relationship which was to make Sehun jealous. Selfish? Yes. Did you care? A little.

You left the conversation as that and carefully eased into a different subject. Jungkook never questioned your question, he just casually followed your lead.

You decided to spend another ten minutes with Jungkook before deciding to head home; it was still a school night. Jungkook tidied up the backseat of his car to make proper room for the bag of meal prep so it wouldn’t fall over while he drove.

“By the way, am I still picking you up tomorrow morning?” Jungkook asked taking the bag from you.

“Yeah, if you still want to.” You gave yourself a few more seconds before continuing. “My mom actually starts a little later than normal tomorrow, so if you want to come out to say hi then..”

Jungkook took a noticeable breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, yeah. I’d love to say hi. I’ll stop by the usual time.”

You nodded your head and waited for Jungkook to ready himself to get into the driver’s seat. Instead, he shut the backseat door and gestured you your car. You cocked an eyebrow and spun around on your heel with Jungkook walking closely behind you.

“New car?” He asked.

“No, my mom’s.” You unlocked the car and just as he’s done every single time, Jungkook moved ahead of you to open the car door. You placed your phone into one of the cupholders and opened the middle console to double check if your wallet was still there.

There was a voice inside your head screaming at you to turn the fuck around and give Jungkook a hug or at least a high five. You hesitated because it’s what you do, but the voice grew louder and louder until your thoughts boiled over.

Without saying a single word, you emerged turned around and reached out to wrap your arms around Jungkook’s torso. He stumbled a bit before finding his footing. You knew you caught him off guard because it took him a few seconds before he snaked his arms underneath your hair to secure them around your neck.

“U-Uh--” Jungkook stammered.

This was your cue to release him and you did just that.

“Drive safe.” You playfully swatted his chest, making him flinch and then sliding into your mother’s car.

“You too. Drive safe.” Jungkook closed the car door and before he shifted his body, you caught a glimpse of a smile on his face. You started the engine and rolled the windows down. Jungkook turned back around to you and you waved him off so he could go to his car. He also waved goodbye and you waited until he got into his car before you pulled out of the parking stall.

The hug you gave him was going to be the first of many that you were going to initiate first. You promised yourself to actually act like a girlfriend for once. Hugs were a bit on the easy side for you because you didn’t need to look at him while doing it. Little by little, you were going to push yourself to initiate PDA towards Jungkook. Sehun would get jealous, Chaeyoung would officially call it quits with Jungkook and then everything would go back to normal.

↠↞

You loved it whenever your mother started later in the mornings. This meant you could sit at the table with her and chat before heading to school. It was rare for her to be home before you went to school because even on her days off, she would catch up on some sleep.

It was a quiet Wednesday morning and you were enjoying a plate of waffles drizzled with maple syrup and dusted with powdered sugar. Your mother sliced you up a few strawberries and poured you a nice tall glass of orange juice. Whenever she prepared a decent size breakfast like this, it reminded you of your childhood; breakfast with your parents on a typical Sunday morning with you begging your father to add whipped cream to your waffles and your mother nagged at you to not pile on more sugar on your breakfast. There wasn’t a lot of memories stored in your headspace, but you cherished them all.

“So that’s what you were working on yesterday.” You forked a slice of your waffle into your mouth.

“Yeah. I don’t know why the head honcho decided to move the meeting today on such short notice.” Your mother spoke from the kitchen, spooning another serving of the batter into the waffle maker. “At least I finished it, but I might be coming home an hour or two late because today’s schedule got completely rearranged.”

Nowadays, it was not uncommon for you to be home alone or alone until late hours of the night. Over the years, your mother worked hard and became head of her department in the office. By the time you were a sophomore, she went on a few business trips that left you home alone for a few weekends. You had to admit, it was a bit lonely at times, but you were extremely proud of her accomplishments.

Your phone vibrated against the hardwood of the dining table with a surprising text message from Jungkook.

[6:53] jeon kook: Outside

Your fork clattered on top of the plate and you bolted towards your driveway, disregarding your mother’s question.

“I thought the usual time meant 7:15?” You questioned Jungkook as he stood at the passenger side of his car, flattening out his shirt and ruffling his hair. He nonchalantly opened his car and pulled out a drink carrier that held three drinks.

Your eyes grew wide and your jaw dropped slightly.

“What--What is going on?” You asked suspiciously.

“Iced hazelnut latte for you and two orange-mango iced teas because I don’t know how your mom takes her coffee.” Jungkook explained holding up the carrier and shutting the car door.

“O-Okay.” You stuttered, still confused as to why he was doing this. “Let’s go in then.”

As the two of you walked up the pavement, you suddenly remembered this would technically be the first time he’s been in your home; the one time during elementary didn’t count because it was for your birthday party. Jungkook would be stepping into your home as your “boyfriend” and it was nerve wracking. Was your mother going to embarrass you? Were you going to embarrass yourself?

“Mom!” You called out, almost hesitant to let Jungkook inside. “Jungkook is here.”

You stepped out of the way to let Jungkook in who was struggling to kick hi shoes off before entering.

“H-Hi! Good morning Mrs--”

“Oh just call me ‘auntie’, Jungkook. It’s alright.” Your mother always instructed your friends to call her ‘auntie’ while Jennie called her ‘mom’.

“A-Auntie..” Jungkook repeated with a small smile. “I’m sorry to drop by on short notice.”

“It’s no problem. Have a seat and have some breakfast before you two head out.” At your mother’s words, you flashed her wide eyes. Even if this was all apart of the relationship package, you only prepared yourself for them to exchange greetings not have an entire conversation over breakfast.

“I don’t know how you take your coffee--or if you even like coffee, so I got you an orange-mango iced tea.” Jungkook took a few steps forward, nervous to enter the kitchen. You gave him a gentle push and he glided across your wooden floor to hand over her beverage.

“Oh, Jungkook, thank you.” She traded the drink with a plate of waffles for him to indulge in.

As he walked back towards you, you gave him a reassuring “okay” sign with your fingers. Jungkook seemed to want extra “good-boyfriend-points” and he seemed to be on the right track.

↠↞

Breakfast with your mother went surprisingly well.

One of the first things Jungkook said was an apology for ruining your hair and with a full hearted laugh, she forgave him. Your mother asked about school and shockingly, he didn’t quite lie about his academic performance. He expressed his struggle to focus in class sometimes and he was glad to have you tutor him from time to time. Nothing embarrassing, nothing too cringey, everything went exceptionally well.

Your mother thanked Jungkook for picking you up and also thanked him once again for the iced tea as you two were preparing to leave. She even witnessed him open the car door for you. You have to admit, you were impressed and proud of Jungkook for doing this.

“I’m pretty sure she likes you.” You commented and rolled down your window.

Jungkook chuckled and slicked his hair back. “Of course, why wouldn’t she?”

“Oh my god, I take it back.” You leaned further away from him, cringing at his greasiness.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Jungkook gently tugged at your wrist to bring you back to how you were sitting before. “I swear I was shitting bricks though, but your mom is a lot easier to talk to than what I thought.”

You smiled as you listened to Jungkook rant about how he couldn’t sleep last night because he was too nervous. His eyes flickered from you back to the road and even still holding onto your wrist, he still spoke with a few hand gestures. This would have been your cue to wriggle yourself free, but you suppressed the urge. You had to get comfortable somehow, someway and this was your way of trying.

“By the way, how does your mom take her coffee?” Jungkook released your wrist as he reversed his car into a parking stall.

“Straight up black. Iced or hot. Ugh, it tastes disgusting.” You shivered and rubbed your wrist.

“I guess I’ll bring that over the next time I meet with you two.”

Small words were exchanged as the two of you exited Jungkook’s car. You had both of your backpacks at your footside during the whole car ride and he walked over to your side to take his bag from you, you offered to put it on for him. He squinted his eyes at you, wondering what you were up to this time. But you nudged him on to slip his arms through the straps.

“Hmm, y/n. What’s going on? First the meal prep then--oh fuck, my waffles!” Jungkook thrashed around and quickly opened the passenger side door of his car to reach for the ziploc with extra waffles that your mother made for him. “Anyway, first the meal prep, then that hug you gave me--which by the way, you never do first. During breakfast, you dressed up my waffles for me and now your helping me put on my bag? What exactly are you planning, Ms. y/n?”

You rolled your eyes at him. “First of all, at my house, it’s called manners. Second of all, I’m not planning anything. I’m just...playing my part.”

Jungkook chuckled and slyly weaved his fingers in between yours because of the amount of students that were in the parking lot.

“Well, whatever pushed that on, I’m glad it did. Chaeyoung was seriously doubting us.” He whispered.

“You know that for certain?” You asked intrigued because he did sound certain.

“Yeah, she told me.” Jungkook kept his hushed tone. “Remember at the diner? She went on and on saying that you didn’t seem like a ‘girlfriend’ because you acted differently with Sehun or whatever. I told her to just mind her business.”

A quiet sigh slipped past your lips. Chaeyoung wasn’t wrong, which was why you were trying your best to push past your boundaries and act like a better girlfriend. Jungkook hasn’t done anything that you didn’t like. He always quietly warned you if he was going to do something out of the ordinary like a back hug. You were always grateful for this, so you needed to meet him halfway for once.

“I--” You started. “I’ll try my best to do better, okay?”

Jungkook smiled at you and shook his bangs out of his eyes. “Thanks.”

He guided you all the way to your locker and leaned against the cool metal. This was practically routine for the two of you; you’d head to your locker first to grab whatever textbooks you needed for first and second period, then head over to Jungkook’s locker to grab a single notebook.

“Any plans for lunch?” Jungkook asked as he entered his locker combination.

“I was going to go to the math lab. I have to go over some criteria with Chanyeol since I didn’t get to stay for a full meeting for the past week.” You explained.

“I feel like that’s my fault since you’ve been helping me with my math work. Sorry about that.” Jungkook kept his head in his locker searching for god knows what.

“It’s no...problem.” You said barely above a whisper. Across the hall, you easily spotted Sehun with his group of friends chilling against another row of lockers. There was no doubt that he was staring right at you while his friends became background noise.

It wasn’t fair. You wouldn’t need to be making Sehun jealous in the first place if you two didn’t break up in the first place. You and Sehun would have been happy together and nothing would be messy right now.

Ugh. Shut up, y/n.

You didn’t even need to make Sehun jealous in the first place; this was just you being selfish. Sehun became unhappy at some point in the relationship and you had a personal duty to show him that you were happy with someone else.

“I guess I’m seeing you after school then.” Jungkook shut his locker, making you break the eye contact with Sehun. He kept his back turned without knowing who or what you were staring at.

“Yeah.” You absentmindedly tugged at Jungkook’s shirt to smooth out a couple of the wrinkles that splayed across. In return, he gently pushed a few hairs out of your face with his fingertips.

“Alright, let’s get you to class, Ms. y/n.” Jungkook took the textbook out of your grasp so he could properly hold your hand.

As you laced your hand into Jungkook’s, you stole a glance of Sehun whose eyes were still trained on you. You swore to yourself once again that you were going to show Sehun that you were happy with your boyfriend, Jungkook. Sehun was going to have to watch in the background as you walked the halls of the school with someone who wasn’t him.

Your class was in the opposite direction of where Sehun stood with his friends. Just as you started to walk off with Jungkook, you softly squeezed his hand and lean your head against his shoulder. There was an intense feeling of eyes piercing through the back of your head and just before Jungkook could look down at your face, you smirked.

Bingo.

-

-

-

♡ rae jagi

[jenniez-tv]

Hello Everyone,

Its been awhile since I’ve updated you all on this. I had some people ask me when I was planning on updating. I didn’t realize you guys were still reading. <3 Thank you for caring. Anywho, its been about 3 months since I found out I was in remission/done with chemo. Every 3 months I have to get a CT scan, for the next 1-2 years. After that I don’t know how often I will need to. That means that I just got my first post remission CT scan. Man, I got to tell you, the week of the scheduled date I was so nervous the whole time worrying about it. The anxiety is no joke when it comes to getting it done and then having to wait for results. EEP. I got the scan done yesterday morning and I am not seeing my oncologist until Monday for a follow up and the results of the scan. I was not looking forward to worrying about the results all weekend. THANKFULLY though, my doctor who did my colectomy surgery read the results a couple hours after it was submitted and then called me directly to let me know! Ugh, I really do have the best doctors. It just feels amazing that they go out of the way to do a gesture that impacts the patient greatly! And... the results were that it looks the SAME aka still CANCER FREE!! Yay! Now I could finally breathe and enjoy the weekend!

Work wise - which many of you have asked.. I have started working again about 3 weeks ago. Now don’t go jumping for joy, its only 4hour shifts twice a week for now. It is also doing admin work, not direct patient care working on my L&D unit. Baby steps! (Ugh). I was the one that asked work and my doctor if I could go back to work. It just felt like my brain was melting away not being used. And it felt like I had no reason to get out of bed and do anything. It also felt like I wasn’t needed. Don’t get me wrong, I have so many limitations written by the doctors for what I can and cannot do at work because I still have so many side effects from chemo that I am still waiting (really impatiently now) to go away. - I will go over these in a minute. With work though, so far, so good. Slowly getting back into the routine and hoping to up my hours soon. I was told by multiple health care workers to stop trying to rush to go back to work and do this for like 6 months until I am due for another evaluation. I legit said.. I mean the only reason I want to work more is because who can live off of only working 8 hours a week?? Not me... I was BLESSED enough to get so many donations from so many people last year when I first found out I had cancer. But as you all know, all those doctor appointments, surgeries, chemo, etc is not cheap.. even with insurance. And of course I still had bills to pay monthly. So all the donated money is now depleted and I need money to pay my bills. Otherwise, I really wouldn’t rush into working my body that has just been through hell. Don’t worry though, I’m not jumping in and am really trying to be realistic. Plus, its not like I’ll get approved to go straight back in anyways even if I wanted lol. Honestly though, any suggestions? Oh and just for shits and giggles.. my very first day back working only 4 hours.. I went home and slept for 5 hours.. LOL

As for my side effects, I was told they would start going away after a few months (and now that its been a few months..) GO AWAY! I still have neuropathy - tingling, numbness, pain in my fingers and toes (which is also the most annoying one), fatigue, loss of balance, wonky ass emotions, chemo brain, umm.. I know I have a few more but I’m having trouble thinking of it. (Example of my stupid chemo brain winning). The neuropathy is worse during the winter because of the cold weather and ugh it is just so frustrating. Having trouble buttoning/zipping up my clothes/jackets, tying my shoelaces, holding/picking up stuff that’s cold, bending my fingers to grip and hold stuff.. you get the picture. Its hard at work too because the office I am using is shared with 2 others. One of them likes it cold.. and her temperature of it feeling nice is my omg its freaking freezing!! My hands are so cold (even with hand warmers) that it becomes hard to type. My fingers legit get cold as soon as I stop holding the hand warmer. I also have a hand warmer that plugs into the computer but it doesn’t get my fingers =\. I think i need to buy a small portable personal heater that goes on my desk and it pointed right at my fingers or something. =[. I was told if i still have neuropathy after a year it may never go away. Thankfully, I think it is a little better than before when I was still on chemo. So I’m really hoping it will go away. *fingers crossed*.

I did start working out again! I’m only going about twice a week and I have to stop a lot because I’m nauseous, lightheaded, dizzy, and really fatigued. I have to use the lightest weights and do all the exercises slower. It’s annoying because its such a backtrack from where I was, but hey, at least I’m working out again right? That’s what I have to keep telling myself. -_-.

As for my incision.. its getting better. After it healed all nicely (the last picture that was posted) it decided to hypertrophic on me!! Aka it like tripled in size and raised up! It also got super red! I feel like it happened over night or something. SO upsetting.. I swear I thought I was in the clear and the incision would be so thin, light pink and not very noticeable. Sigh. I also have a lot of scar tissue all over my abomden from the surgery that really is limiting my range of motion. So, I started seeing a chiropractor who do ART (active release technique). Pretty much it means that this technique is used to help break up scar tissue, decrease the pain, and increase the range of motion. (Its used for many other things but that’s what it is used for for me). I have been going twice a week for about 6 weeks now. When I first went, I showed the doctor how far I could lean back and was literally just standing up super straight hahahaha. Now, I can definitely lean back about maybe 30% on a good day? It likes to retract back so fast so i need to continuously stretch it out. THey do/use so many different tools and techiniques to work on it.. but lets just say.. NONE of it feels good. In fact, its pretty uncomfortable lol. I mean its breaking up scar tissue.. why would it feel good? The pain is worth it because not only do I have more range of motion, the pain is definitely less and the scar is actually softer/smoother. I’m no where near close to being done but I’m off to a good start, that’s for sure!

Anywho, I feel like I typed a lot and everything looks like its just being mashed together so I think I’m done for now. Feel free to ask me any questions though! Or/and let me know what other stuff you’re curious about so I can make sure to address it in my next post!

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Lunacy Fringe (Chapter 13)

I’m coming back today as I’m posting this to add this author note. I finished this story guys. Chapter 19 will be the last one and I just finished it. I just need to edit it. I feel sad it's over but I’m excited now this book is closed so I can start the sequel to Let The Flames Begin because I’m so hyped to get on with that one now.

Also, don't come at me for the timeline for what I do in this chapter. TWD timeline is fucking insane. I researched the shit out of it and even tried to digest a tweet AMC confirmed that makes no sense to me about how little time has passed since the start of the outbreak to Alexandria. So honestly, if this time doesn't make sense, I give no shits. I’m making it up as I go.

----------------------------

Carol gasped as she walked into Daryl and Zoey’s house, staring at the girl with a slack jaw.

“What the hell happened to you?!” she frowned, rushing over and setting some ingredients on the counter as the girl blinked her blue eyes at her. She was covered head to toe in flour and the kitchen looked like a tornado had ripped right through the place.

“In my defence, I did tell you I couldn't bake worth shit,” Zoey said sheepishly, giving her a wary smile. Carol snorted and shook her head. To her credit, she had vehemently warned her that she couldn't bake. But Carol had thought the girl was simply being modest. Zoey was a very good cook. Carol had often been invited over for meals with her and Daryl, and Carol was often left impressed with her skills. Baking though, well that seemed to fall short of that skill. When Zoey had baked with Maggie, Carol was unaware that Maggie had given her the simplest tasks to complete after herself finding out just how bad the girl was.

“What’s… you have batter in your hair,” Carol muttered with a wry smile making her blush.

“Look, go upstairs and just shower, get ready for the party, I'll rescue the cake,” Carol said as she shoved her lightly towards the stairs.

Zoey didn't need telling twice. She knew she would fail at the task of baking the birthday cake and she hadn't been wrong. She was happy to get the fuck out of dodge and just get ready. It had been just over a month and things had been going well. Things were calm, or as calm as they could be during the fucking apocalypse. Her relationship with Daryl was blossoming more and more every day and despite the dead walking around, she couldn't remember being this happy before.

They hadn't had sex yet, they were still taking things somewhat slow in that department. It didn't stop them doing other things like a couple of horny teens though whenever they got to bed at the end of the night. They had passed the hurdle of being fully naked with one another. It had been hard for her to deal with but Daryl had been patient. She had done it in her own time and even though she was still majorly self-conscious. He worshipped her naked marked up body with such reverence that she found herself feeling comfortable with him, even with all to see.

Daryl had started being more affectionate with her around others too. Before they were even a thing, when neither of them even knew what the strong bond between them meant, they had both been close, not hiding it as they didn't realise it was what it turned out to be. But once they realised they cared for each other, once they became a thing, Daryl had withdrawn a little in public with her. She hadn't been offended in the least. He was a private person and it didn't take a rocket scientist to see how guarded he was with others, how he kept them at arm's length. Maggie had told her he hadn't been interested in anyone since his group had known him and it made her feel special that he had been interested in her. But with time he started to warm up again slowly, holding her hand, wrapping an arm around her. He even kissed her briefly in the street a few times. All in all, progress was being made and things were looking up.

She still didn't speak to everyone here. She only spoke to those she felt she trusted, which consisted of Daryl's family and a few others. Denise had really helped her with her PTSD and her anxiety and she felt normal again. Something she at one point never thought possible. She also spent a lot of time with Aaron and Eric. Eric seemed to love throwing dinner parties for her and Daryl to attend, double dates he would call them. She really enjoyed their company though and Daryl was always so relaxed when they were with them too. Anyone would have thought there weren't dead people roaming around outside the walls.

Daryl still went out with Aaron but they hadn't brought anyone back yet. Daryl was very fucking good at reading people and the few people they had ventured across he had been firm that they didn’t make the cut to be here. He only wanted good people here. Around his girl, his family, Carl and fucking Judith. He was very selective on who he thought they should bring back and Aaron always listened to him. Zoey was getting better at dealing with the times away from him. Carol and Maggie would always keep her company and even Eric since his husband was the one out there with Daryl. She felt part of the family now, part of the group. She felt cared for and she felt fucking happy.

Today was Judith's second birthday. Of course it was most likely not the actual date, it wasn't like people could pinpoint it. But Rick had been keeping track of seasonal cycles and it seemed a good a time as any to celebrate it. Carol had asked her to make the cake and she had been firm she couldn't do it. Maybe next time she would listen. Daryl was out there with some of the others setting up some decorations outside. They were having a little party on the grass, a celebration of something so pure and wonderful. A little person that would be part of the future here at the community. Zoey loved how the whole community was rallying together to give the small girl a birthday party. Something that was once normal for everyone but now seemed void. She didn't know the date, she had no idea how many birthdays of her own had passed, how old she was now. But it didn't matter to her. Judith was just a child, she deserved things like these.

Once she was done in the shower, she got ready in a pretty black sundress with small purple flowers on it. She still had her boots on though, she didn't really have any other shoes and the ones got on runs were more practical than fancy. She towel-dried her long dark hair, leaving it down and letting it wave up like it naturally did before bounding down the stairs. She sat at the counter whilst Carol did the cake and when they were done, they both set off outside. The community was alive and bustling about as Zoey took it all in with a smile. People were setting up decorations and chairs on the grass and there was a little pile of presents. They were courtesy of the supply team, of course. Glenn had gone out on a run to a toy store just for that purpose. Rick hadn't been happy, chiding him for putting his life on the line to get toys, but Glenn had said he didn't care. The girl needed presents on her birthday. Daryl had also decided to go and Aaron even went with him. The small team had brought back quite a few toys and gifts for the little girl and now she would have things to open and have a birthday pre-apocalypse style.

She saw Daryl and she squeezed Carol's arm with a smile before walking over. He looked up from where he was tying balloons to one of the trees and he grinned at her, unable not to. He always fucking smiled like a dick whenever he saw her, shit was getting ridiculous.

“Ya make that?” he asked curiously as his eyes drifted over to Carol with the cake as the woman made her way over to Rick and Michonne. She snorted, she could see it all over his face that he was shocked at the notion. He was well aware of how she couldn't bake. She had tried to bake for him a few times and each time it looked like a bomb had gone off in a bakery.

“No. I tried but...you know how it is,” she grinned wryly, making him huff a laugh. Once the balloons were secure he stepped closer to her, settling a hand on the side of her neck as he leant down and captured her lips in a sweet soft kiss.

“Pretty girl,” he murmured against her lips, making her blush furiously and duck her head.

“Stop,” she whined with a snort, making him give her a toothy grin. It was a grin rarely seen on the man. A grin even those closest to him had barely seen grace his face in all the time they had known him. Yet now, whenever he was with her he seemed to be sporting it and his family couldn't help but feel anything but happiness for him whenever they saw that smile on his face. She looked up at him with a smile, the pair practically making fucking moon eyes at each other like no one else existed.

“Alright love birds, the birthday girl is on her way over,” Maggie teased as she walked past, poking Zoey in the side and making her squeak as she blushed. Daryl sneered at her playfully and Zoey smirked at him. They kept doing this. Like they forgot they were around people until someone said something. They just couldn't help it though, they seemed to just get lost in one another.

The day passed by without drama. Judith got to open her presents and the community felt lighter than most days, everyone enjoying themselves. Eating the food and cake Carol made and just enjoying the day. Zoey had stuck by Daryl's side the whole time and Zoey had watched with heart eyes when Daryl played with Judith, loving such a soft side to him. He was really good with her and she seemed to love her uncle Daryl. It was dark now as Zoey sat on the steps of Ricks porch watching everyone else. They weren't much for socialising so they kept out of the way but there enough to still feel a part of it. Judith was now in bed and it was just some of the adults milling about chatting and a few of them drinking. They had already worked out who would drink and who wouldn't, not wanting to get caught with their asses hanging out by having everyone shit-faced drunk.

She watched as Daryl walked back over with two glasses in his hands. She smiled adoringly at him as he sat next to her. He’d never get sick of the way she smiled at him, it made him feel damn good. A glass filled with a deep red liquid appeared in her line of vision and she eyed it carefully before looking back at Daryl.

“What's this?” she asked softly.

“Water...the fuck ya think it is? It’s wine,” he snorted. She squinted at him playfully with a huff.

“Alright, why are you giving it to me? I wasn't on the list to drink,” she clarified.

“S’fine, cleared it with Rick. S’just one anyway,” he shrugged, quirking a brow impatiently at her as he continued to hold it out to her. She took it and had a sip. It had been a long time since she had anything alcoholic and she was grateful Daryl had given her only a small glass.

“What have you got?” she asked him as she looked at his glass. It was a little bigger than hers and filled with a brownish liquid.

“Whiskey,” he smirked as he lifted it and she watched him take a swig of it. How did he look sexy even doing that?

“What a surprise,” she snorted. He huffed a laugh and bumped his shoulder with hers. Daryl was on the list. He hadn't asked to be but Rick was adamant he needed to let his hair down and have a break. Since Zoey made progress he was out quite a bit. Either on guard duty, recruitment trips with Aaron or supply runs when needed. He never seemed to stop and Rick wanted him to just have a good time and relax for once.

An hour later and her wine was gone. She wasn't drunk, not even tipsy but she did feel a small buzz and she felt a little more relaxed than usual. Daryl though was a different story. He seemed to have drink after drink, and for a while it seemed not to affect him at all. But she knew he was drunk the moment he had chosen to get up and socialise with people. She followed along, not really talking but watching him with a smile as he laughed with Rick and Glenn and just seemed more openly happier than usual. It was a nice sight to see.

She glanced around the community and looked over at Rick’s house. It made her smile to herself knowing Judith had a good day. It was nice to pretend that the world wasn’t in the state it was in.

“You wanna finish this? I don’t feel so good. I ate way too much,” she heard a voice from next to her. She turned and grinned at Glenn who held out the paper plate with a piece of cake on it.

“How much have you had?” she smirked as she grabbed the fork and shovelled some into her mouth. Carol was a really good baker, she was glad she failed to make the cake. Even if she managed to make one it wouldn’t have tasted anywhere near as good as this one.

“Five or six slices… maybe,” he snorted, making her laugh and shake her head.

“Ready to head home?” Daryl asked her after a while and she nodded. It was still taxing for her to be around this many people and she was tired now. He smiled down at her before he leaned in and kissed her. His kisses in public were usually sweet pecks of her lips. Short and brief but affectionate all the same. This time though, in the state he was in he seemed to kiss her harder, deepening the kiss as a hand wound into her hair. For a brief moment, she forgot about everyone else as she kissed him back, melting into him. They heard someone catcall from behind them and Daryl snorted as he broke away from her, ducking his head a little. Zoey's cheeks turned crimson at the very public display of affection but she didn't have time to be embarrassed about it as Daryl wrapped his arm around her shoulders and lead her home.

He was swaying slightly on his feet and she found it amusing as they walked home. Zoey scooped up the bunny before they went upstairs. She had started bringing the bunny in the bedroom at night not wanting her to be alone downstairs. Daryl always laughed at her for it but she didn't care. She put the bunny down and watched as she hopped over to Daryl.

“Go to bed bunny,” he huffed with a snort, making Zoey shake her head with a smile at him. He liked to pretend he didn't like the animal so much but she’d fucking seen him giving her a cuddle or two.

“Fudge. Not bunny,” she corrected teasingly, making him look at her and quirk a brow.

She wasn't sure if she was imagining it but it suddenly felt like the air had been sucked out of the room at the look he gave her. He looked like trouble and it made her knees weak.

“Uh-huh, is that so?” he asked, a devilish smirk on his face as he slowly walked over. She didn't know she was walking backwards until her back hit the wall and she squeaked. Her blue eyes wide but a slight smile on her lips as he got in her personal space.

“Cheeky lil thing huh?” he drawled as he leant his forehead on hers, hitching one of her legs up as he pressed himself against her. His large hand gripped her thigh and her breathing hitched as she blinked up at him. She was sure if he wasn't trapping her between him and the wall she would just swoon and hit the deck.

He leant down and captured her lips in a bruising kiss and she kissed him back just as hungrily.

“Want ya,” he purred against her soft lips, nipping at them and making a soft moan leave her lips. But as his other hand started creeping up her dress she tensed up and grabbed his wrist. He stopped kissing her but didn't move away, looking down at her with confusion in his eyes. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, she did, with every fibre of her being. Even when he was drunk. But she wanted him to be completely present and of a sound mind when they had sex for the first time, or even did anything sexual for that matter.

“Not tonight,” she muttered tensely, unable to look at him with her pink cheeks. He could feel how tightly wound she was and it made his heart sink. She looked like she was bracing herself for him to shout at her and it hurt him. He let her leg go and leant in to kiss her cheek sweetly before he took a step back.

She looked up at him warily and he gave her a sweet smile that relaxed her completely. Knowing he wasn't mad at her. He was patient and caring with her as he always was, she didn't know why she thought any different. Daryl took her hand and led her over to sit on the bed. He crouched on the floor as he took off her boots for her. He wanted her, Lord knows he fucking did, but not like this. He wanted her to want it, to one hundred percent fucking want it. Not feel forced or pressured or to do it to please him. He didn't want her at all if it wasn't when she wanted it and he hated how she seemed worried he would be upset with her over it.

She watched him with a smile as he removed her boots, loving how he always took care of her. He stood and started to undress and she followed suit. Daryl got into bed with his boxers on and Zoey slipped one of Daryl's shirts on, the one she seemed to have claimed for sleeping in. He never mentioned it though so she didn't think he was upset about it. She climbed into bed and was surprised when Daryl rolled over, curling around her as he snuggled into her. Usually she lay like that with him, her head on his chest. But apparently the alcohol in his system made him needy and she liked it. She grinned to herself as she threaded a hand into his hair and massaged his scalp, making him hum softly and snuggle into her more. She felt tired now after the events of the day and she closed her eyes as she felt herself relax completely lay with him like this.

“Night Zo, I love ya,” Daryl mumbled sleepily, making her body go rigid.

“What?” she asked, her voice a mere squeak. She knew she had heard right but she felt like he hadn't meant to fucking say it. She got no response and she glanced down at him.

“Daryl?” she asked carefully, her response was a soft snore and she huffed that he had gone to sleep after blurting out such a thing. Her mind was reeling whilst her stomach bloomed with butterflies and nerves. She loved him back, she knew that already. But she didn't want to just say it if he hadn't meant to say it. He was drunk, he wasn't thinking. He could have meant to say something else. But now she couldn't ask him because he was asleep. She’d just have to ask him in the morning about it.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28 @divadinag @keeperofwonderlandus @jodiereedus22 @easnuppa @fand0m-fiend @txladyj-blog @walkingdead-dixon @of-storms-and-sadness

[dru-and-ash]

Hey so my friends don't ship Druash and I want to hack them into a little bits of flesh and bone so much but before they die I need to shove into their faces a list of reasons why they should ship Druash help (they ship Druaime like WHO DOES THAT HUH)

Admittedly I ship everyone with everyone (think about Ash and Jaime together) So everyone can ship anyone with anyone….

But Morgenthorn(lets not call them anyting that sounds like drash that reminds me trash) is the only ship I write pages and pages about Can you show these to your friends…

From a past ask: Why do people ship Dru with Ash:

That is one valid question since they haven’t even met yet. Its because Cassie has implied there is a possibility of a love triangle between Dru, Ash and Jaime. And she said several times both Jaime and Ash will have important roles to play in TWPSince Ty&Kit is a ship set to sailOnly other three people left are them. You know…Also small note on Dru’s first introduction said something like “she’ll have an interesting love story in the future.” before CoHF was released just before we learn Sebastian’s affair with the Queen. (she was eight and a thin girl in first drafts) But for me shipping Dru and Ash is purely based on characters.Here are my reasons why 1)They both grew up lonelyDru had her loving family but Julian always saw Emma as his other half and Ty Livvy. We know Livvy was the sibling who spent most time with Dru but Ty being dependent on Livvy and their undying love always made Dru feel left out. Like in Los during those beautiful funny twin moments Kit felt lucky to be involved he also observed how much Dru was left out. So Dru hold on to Tavvy more tightly and read books watched movies more. Because you can do those things alone too.How happy she was when Kit and Ty wanted to let her be involved in their schemes in Qoaad Ash was always alone as far as we were shown because first his mother kept him away to hide his existence. Then unseelie king locked him on that tower, put Raiders of the Mannan as his guardians. Ash never had friends of his own age and any other noble child of court wouldn’t go near him because of the spell(and they probably weren’t allowed).2)They’re both good actors. If you saw my asks about how all twp characters were morally gray then you know what I meanDru unwaveringly lied to Barnabas Hale’s face and then kept it cool when he made that disgusting kinky comment about “her curves”. I wanted to strange the guy but our 13 years old Drusilla was all bussiness. She also hid Jaime in London institute for days with Noone noticing. Ash openly turned a blind eye to Emma and Julian not being endarkened in that nightclub scene. During his unseelie scenes Emma pointed out how cold and calculating he was even at age 12-13. But that was about his survival King kept him as a prisoner. 3) They grew up over protected with not much of choices of their own. Dru due to Julian’s inability to let other people in the Blackthorns life’s because of Arthurs illness. Ash spent his first 13 years locked up in Seelie court first and unseelie court second. Wearing a crown  holding a title, being heir to the both thrones was nothing compared to not being able to decide what he wanted to do. Ash was expandable if he wasn’t to do what King wants like any prisoner. He never had a chance to decide for himself even in Thule where Annabel dragged him to another cage keys held by Sebastian this time. Again prince, recpected, feared but not free. 4)They’re both have strong emphaty Dru always helped Julian with Tavvy even though she herself was 8(yes Julian was 12 but there wasn’t someone older than him). She understood Ty was different but the good kind and she gave Ty&Livvy the space they needed and she was not jealous.Ash described Dru’s mental state so accurately I felt liked someone just hit me. Even Julian or Livvy would never do such an observation (if they did they’d know she needed more people in her life)

Dru turned out to be an outgoing person an entrepreneur like Jia said and she’s free to move away to make friends, rise and shine amongst her peers. And Ash broke his cage in a way when he choose to help Emma so he’ll be able to do more choosing in his life Thule Jace abd Seelie Queen will play effective roles but he’s not a child anymore and surely can defy tyrants.

From what we know from drawing scene he’ll see Dru as a symbol of hope and a friend coz she’s probably closest to a friend he ever had.

Lastly when they met in Los Dru’s open defying made Ash smile because that doesn’t happen muchI see a paralel here with Auraline-Roland Herondale she fell in love with him because he made her laugh.All these powers Ash has makes life harder for him(like it did to Auraline) and he already had enough suffering but as long as the powers will threat him and others it isn’t very likely he’ll smile much.

Dru would find him interesting when she gets over his all over copy of Sebastian looks. Dru was the only one who saw Sebastian besides Emma and Tmi gang and survived. Ash’s smile brought back that memory for Dru but she didn’t remembered it was Sebastian’s.

Also there is that weird travel to Unseelie which is not normally how Eternidad can be used (it was as if the stone wanted Dru to go to Ash maybe to bring him hope in the future). I can tag you to the post if you like to read

But these are all theories off course.

Still them being together and Dru being able to stop Ash if powers blow up is important (I mean she litterally did the same for Jemma in Qoaad). Because Noone can take all that responsibility alone he needs to be loved to be saved and Thule Jace’s love may not be enough to save him….

Now I am putting here some fics and fluff to show what a huge cinnamon roll my son will be:Ash Morgenstern will be greatest cinnamon roll ever and thats a canon :)

https://dru-and-ash.tumblr.com/post/183754216442/its-on-its-way-but-you-need-to-be-patient-i

https://dru-and-ash.tumblr.com/post/184602936937/morgenthorn-first-date

https://dru-and-ash.tumblr.com/post/183194705212/hello-my-favorite-bloggerhow-are-you-i

https://dru-and-ash.tumblr.com/post/183126493882/ash-baby-carstairs

https://dru-and-ash.tumblr.com/post/183547498677/in-city-of-lost-souls-sebastians-room-is-all

I hope you and your friends like them :) :)

[muertawrites]

Make It Work (Loki x Reader)

Summary: Reader is Loki's personal seamstress, brought from Midgard to design for him. While making a little something for an upcoming gala, things take a turn and get interesting.

Word Count: 3,200

Author's Note: I've been watching a lot of Project Runway lately and got inspired to write this because of all the posts I’ve seen going around about how Extra AF™️ Loki is with his wardrobe. I think I might slowly be getting lost in my own imagination. I might also do a second part to this, but I’m not entirely sure yet. Also, I totally wrote this today instead of finishing the third part of Death’s Door because I’m awful, but I’m gonna try to get that up ASAP for the two of you who might actually be looking forward to it. My week is just going to be extremely hectic so please be kind and patient. Shit is going down for me right now but all of it’s good.

                                           ~ Muerta 🌸💀🌸

Loki Laufeyson was a very particular man. As king of Asgard, it was imperative that he always look his best; this was made all the more important due to the fact that he was, for lack of a better phrase, a conceited drama queen, and if everything he wore wasn't tailored perfectly to his tastes, didn't outdo everyone else in whatever room he happened to be standing in, it wasn't good enough. This vanity was exactly the reason why he'd offered you a job as his personal seamstress.

To be clear, Loki hadn't so much "offered" the position as he'd threatened to kidnap you at knife point if you didn't take it, and since you really didn't have anything bigger or better holding out for you on Midgard, you figured taking him up couldn't do much harm, so you went without a struggle.

He had started out as one of your customers at the Fifth Avenue tailor you worked for in Manhattan, a regular who always requested your services when coming in for a new suit. It was a high-end boutique, known for its super personalized suits and servicing the wealthiest businessmen in the country, as well as a few well known celebrities (Tom Hiddleston being the most notable among them).

You had always had an intense interest for men's suits, something that confused everyone you knew and, at times, even yourself. But you loved working with each piece, manipulating the fine fabrics at your disposal into the perfect fit for each client, going as understated or as over-the-top as was desired. There was so much more potential in a suit than most people realized, and seeing the way something as simple as expertly tailored wool and silk made every single man you dressed, no matter what his shape, size, or means, into a modern day Adonis never ceased to give you pride and satisfaction in your work. Loki noticed this dedication to your craft and refused to let anyone but you design for him.

At first, you made only all black suits for the god. Always in the same materials, always in the same fit. After about ten of these suits, however, Loki noticed how you began to get bored, and, not wanting you lose your attention, he requested his next suit be made with gold embellishments, which you were free to be creative with. Being a native New Yorker, you knew exactly who he was and where he came from and, not holding any grudges due to his polite demeanor and generous tipping habits, you made the detailing extremely intricate, consisting of traditional Norse interlace patterns, embroidered in varying shades of gold to give it depth. It became one of Loki's favorite suits, and he continued to give you requests for subtly different designs until finally taking you for himself.

It was another beautiful day in Asgard's capital city, one which you were spending in your studio in the palace, bent over an expanse of black and green leather you were attempting to shape into Loki's next ensemble, something for an important gala he was hosting in a few weeks. You were so absorbed in your work that you didn't hear him come in, pacing across the room until he was stood right behind you, looming over your shoulder to get a look at what you were doing.

"It should have a cape," he said in your ear.

You jumped, startled, and fell backwards into him, his large hands taking hold of your shoulders to keep you from toppling over. You glared up at him, getting an amused smirk in response.

"I'm not putting a cape on it," you quipped. "I don't trust the people you've invited to this thing not to attack you, and a cape is basically a death sentence in a fight."

Loki shrugged.

"It could be a removable cape," he suggested.

"Oh, what, like how you have removable innards?" you countered. "I know you're probably going to die because of your own melodramatic stupidity, but I'm not going to be the one to enable it."

Loki chuckled, crossing the room to the stacks of fabric you had piled up against the wall, running one of the velvets between his fingers.

"Are you making something for yourself?" he asked.

"For the gala? Why?" you replied.

"I would very much like you to come as my companion."

You smirked, finishing up the line you were sewing and cutting off the loose end with one of the knives you kept handy, a habit you had gotten from spending so much time with Loki.

"Don't you think you'll look bad taking one of the help as your date?" you teased. 

Loki scoffed, rolling his eyes at you.

"That attitude of yours worries me more than anything else," he replied.

You laughed, looking up at him and gesturing him over.

“Come here,” you said. “Clothes off, I want to see how it looks.”

Loki gave you a brief look of annoyance but made his way over to you without a fight. He stripped down to his underthings, standing in front of you with nearly all of his pale, lean frame exposed, looking quite bored with what could be considered such a scandalous situation. You were unphased by his nakedness, having seen much more of the god than you were willing to admit you liked during your many fittings, and went immediately to work, first tying up his hair in a messy knot atop his head so it was out of your way, having to stand on a step stool to reach.

“We match,” Loki said, nodding at your own disheveled twist of hair as he met your eyes in the mirror that spanned an entire wall of your studio. You playfully stuck your tongue out at him, hopping down from your stool and taking your latest work from its place at the table.

After maneuvering the leather over Loki’s legs and torso, you pinned each piece of material together where the seams would be, taking note of where things didn’t quite fit or lay right. Once you were satisfied with your inspection, you stepped away, smoothing out the material with your hands and meeting Loki’s eyes in the mirror once again.

“How is it?” you asked, pulling a stray pin out of your mouth. “I know you like a gold plate at your neck, and I kind of wanted to do a bigger one this time, almost like a chest plate with maybe some matching cuffs… What?” You looked over at his expression, which was pulled into a frown. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Aside from the fact that there is no cape,” Loki drawled, turning to get a better view of his reflection, “I am unhappy with the fact that it is quite boring.”

“Boring,” you repeated, raising your brows. He nodded.

“Yes. This here,” – he gestured to the ribbing at his torso – “is far too simple, it needs… more. The shoulders should be broader, too, and I want something here,” – he swiped a hand down his right arm – “some sort of design or something. And I want a coat.”

“I thought you wanted a cape,” you deadpanned.

“You can do both,” Loki replied, shrugging. “I would also like a new helmet. I would like the horns to be bigger… more curved.”

You huffed, closing your eyes for a moment as you focused your thoughts on ways not to kill him. He always did this, so it was nothing new, but he came to you with crazier, more insane suggestions each time he gave his critiques. If it weren’t what you put every ounce of your time and energy into, you were certain you wouldn’t be able to keep up with his demands. You put your hands on your hips, biting your lip in frustration as you walked over to him, looking him up and down.

“… Okay,” you sighed. “Okay. I’ll get some sketches made for the coat, I’ll add a little bit to the sleeve and talk to the goldsmith about your helmet, and I’ll just extend the chest plate to make up for the issues with the torso. You’re still not getting a cape.”

“Why can’t I have the cape?” Loki asked, indignant.

“Because you’ll look fucking ridiculous with a coat and a cape and I’m not going to do that to my reputation.”

Loki stared you down but didn’t retort, and that was the closest you knew you would ever get to him admitting that you were right. You smiled at him, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

“Thank you for understanding,” you said. “You can get dressed now.”

You helped Loki out of the unfinished garments, not being as careful as you should have been about avoiding stabbing him with the pins they were now laden with, and spread them back out on the table, running your fingers over them in thought.

“I’ll be back this evening,” Loki told you as he stalked out of the room, stopping at the double doors leading out into the corridor. “Make something for yourself. Preferably something that matches what you’ve made for me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you mumbled, waving him out without looking up at him.

Loki smirked, stealing one last, endearing glance at you before leaving you to your work.

 “Oh, come on!” you cried, mouth full of pasta and vegetables. “There’s an unconventional materials challenge every fucking season, how are you surprised by this?!”

You were sat on the plush, bed-sized couch in the break room connected to your studio, having a late dinner before getting back to work on Loki’s gala outfit. A major perk of being one of the king’s favorite people in the palace was that he was willing to give you whatever you wanted in exchange for your best work, and for you, that meant a cozy Midgardian style lounge, complete with a fridge full of snacks and a TV with every paid streaming service available. Tonight you were watching Project Runway, indulging in your favorite reality show for inspiration and releasing some stress by ripping your least favorite designers to shreds.

“What are you screaming about?” Loki snapped, making his presence known as he skulked through the doorway. You shoveled more pasta into your mouth, humming in excitement.

“Project Runway,” you told him. “It’s this show where fashion designers compete against each other for this huge prize and a ton of exposure. They make a new outfit every single episode and it’s just insane the talent that some of them have.”

“And this is what you’re doing instead of working?” Loki asked disapprovingly, though he sank down on the couch beside you after fishing an extra fork from one of the drawers in the kitchenette, stabbing it into your pasta and taking a bite for himself.

“I’m having dinner,” you said, fighting off his fork with your own when he tried to plunge it back into your bowl. “There’s more in the fridge if you want some. We can finish this episode then go look at what I have finished.”

Four episodes later, you and Loki were still in the lounge, sprawled out on the couch and screaming at each other in adamant disagreement about who you each thought deserved to win the season.

“Everything he designs looks exactly the same, and none of it is even that good!” you shouted. “Like, who the hell is even going to wear any of that? What value do any of his designs have if he can’t market them??”

“He is an artist,” Loki scoffed back at you. “He does not need to sell his fashions because he is making a statement with them. You of all people should understand that.”

“There’s a reason it’s called the fashion industry, Loki,” you snapped. “And the only ‘statement’ a beige parachute makes on a runway is ‘everything I do is bored and uninspired, just like me’!”

You were silenced by a throw pillow smacking you in the face, causing you to huff in surprise and flail your arms as you tried to deflect the projectiles being hurled at you. You managed to catch one of them, bringing it down into Loki’s cheek, causing him to cackle with laughter as he crawled over you, wrapping his strong arms around your body and pinning you to the cushions. You squirmed against him, glaring up at his obnoxiously smug face when you realized you were trapped, wishing you had a hand free to slap the smirk from it.

“Let me go,” you demanded.

“You have to either agree with me, or give up this nonsensical program and show me what you’ve made,” Loki countered. You rolled your eyes.

“You are an absolute killjoy,” you said, wiggling under his weight.

“Does that mean you agree with me?” Loki asked.

“Never,” you hissed, baring your teeth at him. He laughed, freeing you from his grasp and offering you his hand.

“Come,” he coaxed you. “Let us see what you have done.”

You took Loki’s hand and allowed him to hoist you off the couch, still holding onto him as he led you into your studio. You brought him to the mannequin you had dressed his outfit in, sighing as you reached out to fold one of the shoulders of the coat you had recently crafted over and off of it, revealing the changes you had made to the top underneath.

“So, I added the design to the sleeve like you wanted,” you said, moving your hands over the various pieces as you spoke, “and added it to the calves of the pants too so it matched a little better. I made the shoulders of the coat bigger like you wanted but I still haven’t done anything to the torso of the shirt because the chest plate is going to be so big.”

Loki hummed, stroking his chin as he looked over the changes you’d made.

“… It’s good,” he concluded after a while. “It’s very good. I am excited to see it finished.”

You smiled, letting out a breath you didn’t notice you had been holding.

“Now,” Loki said suddenly, pulling you out of your momentary relief. “What have you made for yourself?”

You held your breath again, considering your words carefully as you spoke.

“Well… I started a dress, but I don’t know exactly how you’ll feel about it.”

“Show it to me,” Loki commanded.

You breathed deeply, slowly pacing over to the closet on the other side of the room and pulling the one dress form you owned from it, revealing what you had spent a considerable amount of your afternoon on. It wasn’t a traditional gown like you assumed Loki had intended, but was instead a suit jacket made from the same leather his own ensemble was formed in, tailored to fit perfectly to the curves of your body like a corset and sewn together in a decorative plait where the buttons would have been, fanning out into a flowing, floor-length skirt which faded from black to emerald. You had cut the sides of the jacket into curves that arched at the waist, forming pointed V shapes in the front and back, and had accented it with a gold silk pocket square. You chewed on your lip as you watched Loki’s eyes scan over the gown.

“… I would like to see it on you,” he said after a moment, his eyes meeting yours.

“No,” you replied, a strong blush creeping across your cheeks. “I’m not undressing in front of you.”

“Why not?” Loki smirked. “I’ve undressed for you on dozens of occasions.”

You glared at him, then rolled your eyes as you broke under his gaze, reluctantly stepping out of your clothes and into the dress. You were thankful when he turned around, being polite enough to look away until you were completely dressed again, clearing your throat to signal that you were decent. 

Loki raked his eyes over your body, his tongue gliding over his lips in thought.

“It is not horrid,” he decided eventually, one of his hands reaching out to toy with the lapel of the jacket.

“I’m flattered,” you replied humorlessly. Loki chuckled.

“It is quite interesting,” he said, stepping back to get a better view of the dress as a whole. “It fits you well… but you look something like the wicked witch from that Midgardian tale about the girl from Kansas.”

You sneered, wanting to stab him with your shearing scissors.

“Oh, do not look at me like that, pet,” Loki chided you, amused by your murderous gaze. “I do like it. But I feel you can do better for yourself.”

You huffed, shaking your head and letting your shoulders fall, wondering if you would ever please the too-critical god on a first attempt.

“What do you suggest I do, then?” you snapped.

Loki pursed his lips together, pacing forward so that he was mere inches from you, his chest nearly touching yours. You felt your body grow warm at his closeness, and you found it hard to continue holding his gaze. One of his hands slipped in between the two of you to the plait in the front of your gown, his slender fingers running down it and untangling it, taking out the stitches you had laid underneath it as well. You drew a shallow breath in between your teeth, cursing him as well as yourself for the pleasure and excitement you could feel welling in your stomach.

“You are so gorgeous, Y/N,” Loki purred, his hand now sliding beneath the leather at your shoulder, grazing over your skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake, “and as much as I admire your work with suits, you deserve to wear something that… ravishes you.”

With a quick sweep of his hand, Loki slid the fabric covering you from your body, leaving you completely exposed as it fell to the floor in a heap at your feet. You shivered as the cool air hit your exposed skin, and your eyes fell to see that Loki’s chest was heaving despite his calm demeanor. He rested one of his long fingers under your chin, tilting your head upward to face him, your noses brushing softly together and his lips nearly on yours, leaving you longing for his kiss. Your hand fell to his hip and pulled him the slightest bit closer to you, seemingly of its own volition.

“I want you to make something so alluring,” Loki whispered, his eyes cutting into yours with unspeakable need, “that I can barely control myself when I see you in it.”

You had to physically bite down on your lip to keep the gasp from escaping your throat, your eyes fluttering as Loki leaned in and kissed the corner of your mouth before pulling away, leaving you feeling cold and vulnerable, your body aching for the return of his touch.

“Make it work,” he teased, his voice lilting in the same graceful, effeminate way as Tim Gunn’s would when uttering those words.

As Loki lurked through the doors, leaving you naked and alone in the middle of your studio, you promised yourself that the gown you wore to the gala would do nothing short of absolutely devastating him.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

8s = 8 Year Time Jump?

Okay Peeps! I’ve been wanting to get a theory posted about this for a while, and it’s something that I’ve mentioned briefly here and there this season, having to do with the time jump. I thought it would be a super-epic sprawling post, but it’s really not. I’ll be linking to several posts I’ve written before so you can get more details, and that will keep this post relatively short.

It has to do with all the 8s we’ve seen in the show since S4 and especially around Beth. Let’s do a little recap of some of the major instances of 8.

We saw a TON of 8 clocks around Beth. Most of the clocks we saw in the background of Grady read 8:00. Details HERE.

Then there’s all the 8:20 clocks, which represent something specific about death and resurrection. Details here: (X, X, X,)

When Daryl leads the walkers into the basement in Alone, there’s a tray down there with 8 pairs of scissors. (X). I’m mentioning this one for a specific reason. I’ll tell you why in a minute.

There’s Eugene’s 8-ball reference in S6. (X)

There’s the fact that in Still, Beth and Daryl pass the grandfather clock, and it reads 8 minutes before the hour. When they pass it again, it chimes. Which means 8 minutes have passed. Again, very significant. (X)

Then there’s a prominent number 8 behind Beth in 5x09, during Ty’s death hallucination.

We have some 8s in Roman Numerals (X).

Quite frankly, there are also a lot more random 8s that I haven’t mentioned here. These are just the most significant. Click the links above for more details, understanding that I doubt I even have all the instances recorded. There have been TONS of them.

Okay, so what’s up? What’s my argument about 8s? If you read through these old theories, you’ll see that most of them argue that the 8s must point to S8. Because that’s what we thought. They must show that she’ll return in S8. How could they not, right? But she didn’t. We were disappointed not to see her in S8.

Was that a little discouraging? Sure. Uh, you know, for most people. ;D

I’ve even justified it with the fact—yes fact!—that Andrew Lincoln was originally supposed to leave in S8, but ended up staying until S9. But the more I look at all the 8s around her, the more convinced I am that we were simply wrong and they NEVER pointed to her return in S8.

I just don’t think it can be a coincidence that we saw all those 8s, and then, after 2 time jumps, we’re now exactly 8 years post-Coda.

Thesis: I think the 8s pointed to her returning after 8 years (for the characters in the show; not us). Take a second look at the instances I’ve pointed out in the past. Look past the actual number and to the way the symbol actually functions.

Clocks at Grady: The 8:00 clocks are often in the rooms of patients who have just died. We’ve always assumed that pointed to Beth’s own “death” in 5x08. And it probably did, but as @wdway pointed out HERE, the symbol for the number 8 in the Hebrew alphabet is X (X Theory) and it means “new beginnings.” (Which we can also tie into baptism/rebirth/beth = water, but that’s a whole other post.) So I think these clocks were meant to symbolize Beth’s own death (which is why we so often see her and the 8 clock with dead patients at Grady) but that she’ll return after 8 years for a new beginning.

Daryl and the 8 pairs of scissors: Remember the last thing he said was, “Go up the road, I’ll meet you there.” Beth: “I’m not gonna leave you.” Then he sees 8 pairs of SCISSORS (another Beth symbol from Grady). See what I mean? I’m thinking this showed that the meeting up the road wouldn’t happen until 8 years later and that they wouldn’t truly be together again like they were in S4 until 8 years had passed.

Grandfather clock in Still: This one is probably the most significant. I mean, we literally had them pass the clock—you know, the one with roman numerals and the latin inscription that means “time escapes”—and when they pass it again, 8 minutes have gone by. I mean, we all know there was a billion pounds of symbolism going on in that golf club, and we have a literal representation of 8…units of time passing. Again, now we are exactly 8 years post Coda. Think that’s a coincidence? Yeah, me neither.

Eugene’s 8 Ball reference is honestly a little less clear, and I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on it. On one hand, the wolves showed up right after he made this reference, so it could show that the wolves wouldn’t return/truly be beaten until 8 years later. But he also associated the 8-ball reference with “end game,” so maybe it shows that the end game (a.k.a. Beth) wouldn’t be seen for 8 years. Again, not sure on this one. Just spit-balling.

And of course the 8 behind her in 5x09 is probably pretty obvious at this point: that she wouldn’t be seen after that until 8 years had passed.

I also want to throw in that TD has read a LOT into all the time references around Beth. Yeah, there’s the clocks, but we’ve gone much deeper than that. References to resets, messing with time, time travel, time slippage. You get the idea. I’m wondering now if we were really over-thinking it. Maybe all those time references, starting from Gimple saying they were messing with time in S5, especially right after Coda, simply were a way of referring to (without actually saying) that a great deal of time would pass before they went back to Beth’s arc and told us what the hell went down during those missing 17 days.

So this is where I’m currently at in my thinking. Does it mean she’ll show up in S9 for sure? Not necessarily. Unfortunately.

I still think there’s a good chance we’ll see her this season, but I can also see the back half being very taken up by the Whisperers and them not quite getting to Beth. (I’ve said before that her return in S10 would have a certain symmetry because of all the Xs; X = Roman Numeral 10). So I think it could go either way.

If we don’t see her, I’ll be disappointed but I believe more than ever that we’ll see her somewhere, and soon. I think the only thing we can say for sure right now is that we’ll see her somewhere in this new arc that began with Rick leaving. That’s why we’re seeing so many Beth symbols, Beth parallels, images of her, her voice, etc. She’s coming in this arc.

But if the show starts moving really slowly again (we haven’t heard any peeps about another time jump anytime soon) then we might still be 8 years post-Coda in S10.

See what I mean? So yeah. Those are my thoughts about where we’re at heading into 9b.

[patexie]

Some “Atem after coming back” headcanons

Sooo some time ago @amatsubuart made a post with a lot of very good Atem headcanons and I got inspired to write some of my own !

There are also some Kaiba headcanons tying into them,,

* Atem has a very hard time getting used to the 21st century. It wasn’t that hard for him before because he didn’t have to understand anything, he had the comfort of going back into the puzzle and he had nothing to compare it to bc he didn’t have his memories. But now, he has his memories of AE and even lived in it for a few years through the Afterlife. So the differences are huge and can be overwhelming and disheartening

* More on that last point; he has quite a lot trouble getting used to the noise. All the people, all the cars, traffic, TVs, radios, phones, machinery, etc. It can just be too much. And he still has some problems with identifying certain sounds that would be evident for everyone around him (like a car’s alarm going off and he’s freaking out bc he thinks some great danger is coming or something)

* He doesn’t quite understand everything of the 21st century, so he has a certain child-like and genuine curiousity towards everything that’s new to him

* He’s pretty religious. He grew up worshipping the Egyptian gods and back in his time religion was handled a whole lot differently. So he prays a lot, makes offerings and even has a shrine. Well, especially now that he remembers the gods, he still feels somewhat guilty for losing his memories about them and therefore neglecting them

* He and Kaiba sometimes get into fights over his religion. Kaiba doesn’t quite believe in anything and finds Atem believing in “fairy tales” to be ridiculous and unbelievable. Sometimes he ends up offending Atem and his luck goes very down until Atem forgives him. Kaiba never said a thing about this to Atem because he knows Atem would have that smug look on his face and claim it’s the Gods’ punishment for insulting them. He tries to racionalize these times as just coincidences and to find some reason behind them, but sometimes he’s at loss for explanation (for example once his perfect systems shut down and he couldn’t get any work done or fix them, but as soon as he and Atem made up his systems started working perfectly again)

* Even tho he enjoys being with the Yugi friend gang, he also enjoys being alone and being with Kaiba (even if they aren’t doing anything together and do their own stuff next to each other)

* Neither him nor Kaiba ever talk about what happened during those times Kaiba went to visit him in the Afterlife and just how he managed to get Atem to return with him. But they had formed a much more stable bond than before and its apparent in both of their behaviors (Kaiba’s calmer and more balanced and Atem’s a lot more patient and forgiving towards Kaiba. Plus the both of them are less violent when it comes to competition)

* From time to time Kaiba goes as far as to give Atem difficult maths and logical puzzle books to keep his mind busy. They still play Duel Monsters, but not as much as they used to. Now they play a lot of different games and make a competition out of almost everything to challenge each other

* Both Kaiba and Yugi (+ his friend group) are protective of Atem. They lost him once and that’s something non of them would let happen again. Tho this isn’t all that obvious and they show this protectiveness in different ways (Yugi’s very caring to the point of being motherly and overcautious, Kaiba’s overly possessive and Anzu, Joey and Tristan would beat up anyone who even tried to lay a hand on Atem). Atem doesn’t understand why everyone seems to think he needs that much protection as he can look out for himself just fine, but he’s grateful nonetheless

* He lives with Yugi and Solomon and tries to take out his part in the chores around the house as much as possible. But he also has his own room at the Kaiba’s where he stays at from time to time

* He looks at Yugi like a twin brother and Solomon like a grandpa/father. He doesn’t care they aren’t his biological family, he still treats and loves them as such

* He still has his shadow powers and even tho he has more control over them, he barely uses them. Tho they can go out of control when he has a panic attack or something of that caliber

* Beside the mind crushing thing, he also has other powers, such as at times seeing ghosts, pyrokinesis, telekinesis and just having a huge energy power thing in general ((tho this is very much just a personal headcanon and ties into my au in which Atem is divine and the Egyptian Gods were present during his childhood, but more on that maybe later))

* He’s very lucky on the basis and his instincts are pretty much always spot-on, so things usually conveniently go his way

* Whenever he’s very bored, he reads books about AE and Egyptian mythology. This usually ends up with him either laughing or getting angry at how much they got wrong. But sometimes certain books and authors impress and surprise him if they turn out to be accurate

* He actually picked up the habit of talking with Ishizu from time to time. She gives him comfort bc she reminds him a lot of his era and she can talk with him about AE. He also tends to help out with translating/reading hieroglyphics and clearing up stuff about AE (like traditions, life in general, religion, etc)

* As Kaiba and Ishizu became sort of business partners, Kaiba sometimes flies out to Egypt to have business meetings with her. And he started taking Atem with him as well (just Atem, anyone else in addition would be too much). And Atem’s very grateful, he feels more at home there even if it makes him very sad bc he misses his former friends, family and people

* His fashion style is either very elegant or baggy everything and there’s no inbetween. Also lots of gold jewelry

* As his biggest fear is becoming useless, Yugi and their friend group try to keep him busy as much as they can. Ishizu tends to give him work by having him help out with AE-ian stuff. Kaiba sometimes calls him for help (which is never stated) with some of his newest technologies, mainly with testing or finding shortcuts. In addition, he also does voluntary work and helps out at different organizations like animal shelters

* More about him helping out Kaiba. Atem’s thinking and problem-solving is a lot different from anyone else’s. He grew up in a completely different era where people believed completely different things and interpreted the laws of physics in different ways. He knows how his people built the pyramids and follows the same mathematical calculation style. So whenever Kaiba gets really tangled up in his programming or calculations, Atem goes and approaches the problem on hand in a very different mannerism and usually gets a much quicker way to the correct answer or answers. Sometimes even Kaiba can’t properly understand just how Atem’s logic work

* He’s fluent in Japanese, but whenever he gets overwhelmed he starts talking in his native tongue. Solomon, Ishizu and Kaiba are the only ones who can more or less understand him and talk to him (tho Yugi also has been trying to learn ancient Egyptian and take up classes on it). And he also picked up on some English and Arabic

* As he sort of just appeared out of nowhere, they had to get all his papers made. And that process would have been a hella lot more difficult if Kaiba didn’t help out and get all of them done for Atem. It was never said why exactly he did it, but it was because he was grateful for Atem’s return and he has problems with saying thank you or expressing his feelings

* He has a bad habit of getting a bit too “royal” at times and someone needs to pull him back by telling him to stop. He got used to being the pharaoh and being treated and looked at as a sort of god, so at times he picks up a more demanding tone and orders others around, which reminds everyone of Kaiba more than Atem himself

* Thanks to getting his memories back and getting back into ruling, he has a bigger respect-demanding authorial vibe to him. He grew up in royalty and in being believed he was divine, so he was taught to have the stance of a king all the time

* He tells a lot of stories about his Gods to Yugi. He grew up on them, so they are dear to him and Yugi’s interested in listening to them. They are kind of like bedtime stories to Yugi, they have that kind of charm. And even tho Kaiba says they are bullshit and doesn’t believe in them, he’s willing to listen to these stories as well (alongside Mokuba, who openly enjoys and looks forward to them)

* He loves animals and they seem to love him as well. Stray animals always let him pet them, especially how he often gives them food. He can’t have a pet on his own tho

* He and Anzu never got together. He never had such feelings for her and her feelings sort of faded during those years when he was gone. But he’s rooting for Anzu and Yugi to get together and tries to help Yugi out even tho he has no dating experience

* He has a lot of dreams regarding AE. Most of them good, but also some bad ones like reliving his death. Some of the good dreams feel like they are the way his dead friends are communicating with him. And regardless of if it’s good or bad, after waking up he almost always cries himself back to sleep bc he feels regret and just misses his friends and family so much

* He has gotten used to the very warm weather and the constant sunshine, so being in Japan, where it’s colder and the sun shines less, has taken a toll on him. He got used to it with time, but he still gets moody bc of it at times and he has a lower cold-tolerance than most people (but at the same time he can take the heat much better than everyone around him)

* It didn’t exactly thunder in the Afterlife. There were some light rains, but that’s about it. So during the first few months of coming back, he would go outside whenever it was really raining and there were a lot of lightnings. And ofc whoever he was spending the night at (mostly Yugi, sometimes Kaiba) had to drag him back inside so he wouldn’t catch a cold. This adoration for thunders didn’t go away, but with time he learnt to just watch them through a window

[ninjagocrohw]

Here have some Rejago character planning :P this isnt final and it might be spoilery(hence why lloyd isnt included in this post) so read at your own risk.

this also includes my own last names for the chars so like. yknow. dont get confused by that.

[true potential is blocked by a self inflicted character flaw/problem that is preventing the master from being in tune with their element (ie. something has happened that they should be dealing with as their element would but are doing the opposite or are so unfocused because of this problem that they can't properly fall into their elements grasp)]

Kai Kajiya: Element of Fire - hot headed, stubborn, perfectionist. Gets obsessed with twitter and his fans due to the idea that he has to live up to their standards. Has a sibling hoarder problem-EVERYONE IS MY SIBLING NOW-the most protective of lloyd. Doesnt give a single shit about this ninja stuff at first-especially since their family has samurai roots wu. Just wants revenge on the skeletons for destroying he and Nya’s family home and leaving them with nothing to remember their parents by. The first to unlock his elemental powers by falling victim to OVEREMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS

Doesnt know when to give up, intensely competitive, pushes and pushes untill everything falls apart

True Potential: was blocked by jealousy, hatred and paranoia; Lloyd is annoying and obnoxious and was placed into their care without their consent. he's the son of their enemy and he took the green ninja from Kai. Kai gets the fuck over this in a split second moment where he has to decide whether he's going to save Lloyd from lava or not-he puts his bullshit aside and comes out of the experience as the ninja who loves Lloyd the fucking MOST and is able to see that he would've made a terrible chosen one.(way too emotional)(blocked specifically by leaning too far into his emotions while simultaneously leaning away from compassion)

Nya Kajiya: Element of Water - also very stubborn, quick learner who gets burnt out REAL quickly if she doesnt immediately succeed, very empathetic and protective. Besties with Wu, heart of the team alongside Cole. Is overwhelmed by this whole ninja thing and doesnt want anything to do with destiny, just wants to help people. Doesnt develop her powers right away-is super jealous of the boys though. She feels coddled and trapped by wu, and develops the samurai x persona to relieve herself of that as well as to actually help out. Finds out about water ninja shit sooner than in the show-but hides it and refuses to accept it as shes grown VERY comfortable as samurai x. Feels clunky and heavy, doesnt think shed make a good ninja. Very smart, good with machines-but more so in the greasy, oily, mechanic sense(not really an inventor, but definitely a fixer).

Gives up too easily if she isnt IMMEDIATELY good at something-doesnt happen alot because shes generally adaptable. STUBBORN. To the point that it causes problems/arguments/’i cant do that’ moments for her.

True Potential: blocked by tension and stress. unlocked by Jay telling everyone to shut the fuck up and leave her alone-its ok if she can't do this they'll find another way. (blocked by not being able to relax and "go with the flow" due to mounting pressure for her to succeed)[jays repaying the favour]

Cole Alun: Element of Earth - Sensible, Stable, heart of the team who everyone(Except kai) readily follows/instinctively turns to. Loves all kinds of different arts and music, but is worn out by his father’s obsession with it. Delights in letting people go through with their stupid decisions as long as it wont end in anything TOO awful(its fun to watch stupid people get their comeuppance kai), cANT COOK TO SAVE HIS LIFE BUT DESPERATELY WANTS TO AND THINKS HE CAN. POSSIBLY THE MOST PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSON ON THE PLANET. Is tooootally fine with the whole ninja thing-he was running out of ways to avoid his dad.(‘this works’ he says as he avoids all his problems and stews in guilt and nervousness)

Talented and capable, a quick study. Generally good at alot of things, but like nya is bullheaded and cant STAND IT when he fails.(fuckin. Theatre kid.)

True Potential: blocked by avoiding his father!!!! lieing about going to some artsy school instead of confronting Lou about how he doesn't want to follow in his foot steps. (blocked by the inability to be straightforward with a loved one due to fear)

Jay Walker: Element of Lightning - Unsure about all this ninja, save the world shit at first-anxious, needy, requires reassurances-instinctively buddies up with cole and stands by his side 90% of the time. Is the last to unlock his powers and finally feels ok when he does. Seems to have a thing for muscled, tall, dark haired warriors(nya, cole). Not a mechanic like Nya, more of an inventor. Fastest of the main ninja-most agile but also SUPER SQUISHY MY GOD HE GOES DOWN QUICK. Is most intune with his element during the Tournament arc where hes just the prickliest bastard in existence(sidenote: really loved that fandom theory of fenwick being jays dad-skybound and lightning and flying ships as a jay season was such a waste by not tying it back into the cloud kingdom ;u;)

Try hard. Needs everything to go smoothly.

True Potential: blocked by insecurities self doubt and a want to be someone different. unlocked by nya letting him know that "your the best you" and reassuring his insecurities by reminding him that she chose HIM not anyone else in the world. (blocked by folding in on himself and letting his fears consume him)

Zane Eirlys: Element of Ice - Has a ‘sixth sense’ thats later revealed to actually be a danger detecting script in his brain-sort of like a spidey sense. Very naive to the world around him, but feels like he should know more-how long has he existed on this planet? Why is everything so new feeling? Lived mostly on his own for what felt like a very long time and thus is very independent-cooks, cleans, washes regularly, etc. The most adult somehow despite being so naive. The first to walk away to cool off from arguments.

Fuckin. PRODIGY. Good at anything he has an interest in-because hes super patient. Takes a long time to get good at new things.

True Potential: blocked by confusion and unfocused due to not fitting in/his amnesia about where he comes from. is unblocked after he follows the birb and comes to terms with what he is.(blocked by not paying attention to anything around him and focusing on anxieties about how people see him and where he comes from)