#also to be fair to them that moment is the most relatable Straight Girl Adopts the Pathetic Jerk Puppy moment

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

Surprised that you like the Great Race, lol. A lot of people in the fandom don’t like it.

I’m def a big fan of the Locomotive Olympics thing — that seems genuinely cool.

The Great Race has its problems lol... a lot of them. I'm not denying it. But the songs are bangers, the Fat Controller being harried by the antics of all the engines as they beg to be chosen is funny af, the group-y dynamics are pretty interesting, Diesel is adorable in his half-pint villainry, the Locomotive Olympics was a neat concept, Gordon was a bloody legend as he sang "The Shooting Star Is Coming Through" (the suspense! the drama!! the way he was smoking the rest of them!!!), the theatrics and "special effects" type stuff was a proper spectacle, that signalman deserves all the payraises...

I think even Ashima (her whole plotline was clearly the worst-handled element of the whole thing) Deserved Better™. The writers did her dirty. In fact she was a flop of a concept and there was no way to do her well. But? The part in their song when Thomas, with the world's biggest pout, is literally disparaging every aspect of himself ("Every bit of me is short and stumpy/My funnel and my boiler and my dome"—better classic-series nostalgia than the entirety of The Adventure Begins if you ask me!) and Ashima assures him that "if you ask me, you're completely ✨ bona-fidey ✨"?

I double over laughing.

Nnnnnnooooooo! Girrrrrlll, stand UP.

[ktheist]

2prettybestfrens | jjk

muses. jeon jeongguk x reader x park jimin ft. kim taehyung

genre. strangers to lovers!au. university!au. 

words. 18.2k

drabbles. pjm

feedback.

warnings. mentions of physical insecurities, alcohol use, juul use, mention of adoption, mentions of dysfunctional families, handcuffs - lots of handcuffs, jeongguk crossdressing, too many one-sided pinings lmao 

synopsis. you’re in love with kim taehyung who’s in love with jennie kim who’s in love with professor kim namjoon. so park jimin doesn’t exactly fit in all of this, yet he’s always been there in your weakest moments which may or may not be caused by your heartbreak boy - or so jeongguk likes to call him.

oh and jeongguk? you don’t even know jeongguk until that party-gone-awry night where you end up handcuffed together to ponder on what you did.

x

when you uploaded a snapchat of your darkened room and a single teary-eyed emoji because kim taehyung uploaded one where a beautiful girl was covering her mouth while she giggled, jimin snapped back a ‘why r u awake 😬’ to which you snapped the same darkened room with a slightly different angle and a ‘just cause’. his last snap to you contained a ‘cool wanna call?’ before you dialed him up and ended up talking until 5 in the morning before bidding each other-

“well, good night then,” you’d muttered.

“g’morning,” he’d wished you back in a soft mumble and a hint of sleepiness taking over.

that happened on a friday night. on monday and for the rest of the week, you merely greeted each other in the hallway and went on your days without the inclusion of the other.

when you sat by yourself on the bench on the sidewalk of campus, under the shade of a great old tree a few feet away from your department after being left high and dry when kim taehyung’s friends asked him if he’s joining them to get mcdonald’s which he’d in turn asked if you wanted to tag along and you said you were good only because you never did well in groupies - park jimin sat down next to you, head thrown back as he squinted at the gaps of the leaves where the tiniest of sun rays managed to pass through and dot his face. blonde tresses swaying ever so softly when the wind blew past you.

“so how was finance?” he looked like he was asking the waving branches.

“eh, it was fine, professor kim’s a good teacher,” you shrugged, the sight of jennie suavely smiling and said professor shooting glances at her made you mentally vomit.

“man,” he blew a gust of air from his mouth as he ran a hand through his semi-long tresses, “were we in the same class? because all i remember was dozing off five minutes into class.”

“that’s why you should sit at the front,” you’d suggested.

it was then, did he push himself off the ground and stood up, black and white jacket pushed back as he slipped his hands into the pocket of his jeans. eyes narrowing while his tongue protruded against the inside of his cheek before he went, “you hungry?”

“starving,” you rolled your eyes before collecting your mac and holding it to your chest, bag slung over your shoulders.

the both of you didn’t go to mcdonald’s but the food tasted just as good that day at the cafe in your faculty.

when kim taehyung asked jennie if she was free friday night and the girl turned to you with an endearingly oblivious, “do we have any plans on friday?” and taehyung awkwardly but not so hesitantly corrected, “um, i mean, just you jennie,” the air, without a doubt turned tangibly tense and awkward.

“oh,” jennie’s brows knitted together as she stared at him, as though trying to spot the caption on his forehead as to why he invited only her when everyone knew you and jennie never go anywhere without the other if you didn’t have any prior engagements, “well, ___ and me are going to hang out together so yeah, i’m not free.”

you weren’t sure if she was dumb or playing dumb but you’d found out later that night, that she’d been irritated with kim taehyung’s non-considerate advancements which she’d recently noticed seemed to exclude you ‘i hate people who make plans in front of someone and not invite them’ was her exact word before she followed up with a ‘blockedt’.

but backtrack to when the tension seemed to rise higher than the sky, you were saved by jimin when he came mini-jogging towards you with that adorable boyish smile and crescent eyes, “hey, i was looking for you - you wanna walk to accounting together?”

you’d waved jennie and taehyung goodbye and gladly walked with jimin to class.

and so it goes, with kim taehyung’s eyes lighting like fireworks in the midnight sky when he sees jennie and the girl itching to make a beeline to the opposite side of where he comes from and you shooting her ‘be nice’ looks whilst park jimin pops up now and then in the most convenient time until ‘us’ no longer comprise of you and jennie but also taehyung and jimin.

so much so, some of your casual friends come to you asking for either of the boys when they seem to have something to inform them which you’re not sure why isn’t informable through text. but either way, you’ve become two best friends with additional friends.

maybe said additional friends happen to fall in the top list of cuties in the girls and gays’ books but besides kim taehyung, if you looked, like really really looked at park jimin, you concurred, perhaps he does have the right to be in said list with his unblemished, smooth skin, perfect pink lips and pretty sparkly eyes.

“what?” his lips do the thing where they curl, revealing a pair of perfectly lined white pearls.

“nothing,” you say as you find yourself third-wheeling in taehyung’s bmw with jimin at the back and the first commenting something about his older sister liking to shop at zara as well when jennie asked you if you were free tomorrow to go to the mall near campus.

“i mean i can go with you girls, i have a two-hour gap between classes,” the boy offers.

“oh,” the first laugh trickles out of your mouth without a stop switch, “you’re so cute.”

you can hear jennie snickering in the passenger seat as you turn away from the angle where taehyung could see you in the rear-view mirror, only to come face to face with jimin who seems to get your humor.

“it’s not a big deal,” taehyung shrugs, a tinge of pride in his voice.

“my man,” jimin pats said man on his shoulder, “you don’t know jack shit about women.”

“what?” the older boy asks, perplexed and quite honestly irritated for some reason - but then again, he never seems to like jimin’s quick-to-catch-on nature when it comes to any girls-related topics.

“two hours is not enough to shop, taehyung,” jennie finally decodes the long standing cipher, “we can barely explore one shop.”

by the end of her words, you’re is full out snickering like an unattractive hyena, “i thought you have a sister?”

“i do,” there’s a tinge of confusion in his tone, “she usually goes shopping with her boyfriend.”

“well, how long did it take them to go shopping?” she quizzes, sharing an amused look with jimin.

“uh,” it’s then, do you hear the sound of the screws in taehyung’s brain twisting, “she usually stays over whenever they do.”

“well, whatever you think they did after they went shopping - it’s probably not it,” jimin snickers, shoulderline jolting as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“so cute,” jennie echoes your earlier words, neck craning to look at the two other passengers in the back seat as she gives you a one-eyebrow-lifted look as if to say ‘this is the guy you’re crushing on?’

at that, you shrug, unapologetically mouthing ‘he’s cute’ - in a much different and adoring sense than the first time which jennie must’ve gotten when she shakes her head, a hopeless smile on her lips as she turns to the road again.

you were on your way to the movies then.

x

“oh my god,” jennie squeals, eyes skimming your specifically-handpicked-by-jennie-kim attire, “you look so cute!”

“only because i agreed to be your live mannequin,” you say rolling your eyes but the curl of a smile on your lips is unstoppable.

“no - because i know what kind of style suits you,” she narrows her eyes in a ‘you know i’m right’ kind of manner, “no offense, your usual style is cute too but it’s more like an... ‘i have a crush, don’t talk to me’ kind of look, you know?”

“am i wrong though?” your eyebrows rise, mimicking her ‘you know i’m right’ look.

she raises a hand, her free one scrolling through her phone as she announces, “i don’t recommend crushing on airheaded guys but you do you sis,” then she looks up, staring at you straight in the eye with the most deadpanned expression, “but if he breaks your heart, i’ll break his leg,” it’s a full, solid moment later, just as you were about to burst out laughing, does she say, “literally.”

and it’s times like these that you fear for another person’s life that isn’t yours - well, taehyung’s life isn’t just anyone’s but - as she turns back to her phone ever so casually.

but before you can fret any further, your phone vibrates, the words ‘chim’ flashing across your screen with a ‘get yo asses down’ and contrasting ‘ur chauffer awaits’ popping a second later.

“get your ass up. they’re here,” you end up saying, pushing your phone into the back pocket of your leather pants that jennie manages to convince you to put on for some unknown reason - that reason going along the lines of ‘kim taehyung’ and ‘jealousy’, but you’re not one to dwell on why one do things they do as you accept jennie’s grabby-motioned hands in request for assistance to be pulled up.

it turns out the shopping plan gets pushed to saturday where taehyung is basically spouting out how he’s a good judge for fashion and that he hasn’t gone to the mall since the semester started which to be fair, was only a month ago. 

you’re not sure how jimin ended up tagging along - the two aren’t even the bestest buddies - but someway, somehow, he always manages to get taehyung to pick him up and drop him off whenever the taller man makes plans to go out with you and jennie.

“wow,” jimin is the first to notice, mouth taking on an ‘o’ shape he basically ogles in plain daylight.

“what do you think?” jennie comes up behind you, chin resting on your shoulder as she wraps her arms around your waist then she turns to taehyung who was the last to get out of the car, “doesn’t ___ look pretty, taehyung?”

at the sound of his name rolling off the tongue of the girl he’s been pining for since he laid eyes on her, his gaze lights up - but only to meet jennie’s. one look at you and he turns back to her with the most beautiful smile, “yeah, she looks great - did you help choose the top?”

“actually,” the girl begins with a cheery tone - they’re walking a few steps behind you whilst you and jimin walk together. it’s been like that for as long as you remember, “i picked out the whole fit. it wasn’t easy though because...”

kim jennie walking side-by-side with kim taehyung whilst you with jimin whenever the two boys join you, be it whether to get to a class you all share, to go to the library to study or to get some lunch - has become a familiar view to your mutual friends. so much so, you’ve heard of a rumor going around that you’re a couple of best friends.

like literal couples. you with jimin and jennie with taehyung. thanks to that, no one would have suspected jennie’s relationship with professor kim nor would anyone see through the veil of friendly smiles and amicable conversations to be you pining over your best friend’s alleged boyfriend.

you’ve gotten used to hearing jennie and taehyung’s conversation fade into the background yet never really able to disregard the way taehyung laughs at something your best friend says or the sight of the two walking a few feet ahead with taehyung’s head almost always turned to jennie’s and the girl, oblivious, occasionally cranes her neck to look at him at the beginning of her sentence before directing her gaze to the front where she’s walking.

jennie dislikes taehyung less now, if only because he steers the conversation towards the areas of interest - which he seems to know a lot of. kudos to you for answering his ass-crack o’clock texts of ‘heyyy what kind of movie does jennie like?’s and ‘heyy you girls got any plans tomorrow?’s.

“you look great in those leather pants, by the way,” jimin’s voice makes you turn to the other boy, a boyish smile on his lips, “so let me guess,” his head tilts to the side as the dip between his thumb and index finger hooks itself underneath his chin, eyebrows knitted together in heavy contemplation, “are you going for a good girl gone bad kind of look,” a playful smile tugs on the corners of his lips, “or are you in a secret biker gang and have a biker meeting at 7?”

you lean closer to the man, hand covering your mouth as you whisper, “you didn’t hear this from me but we’re convoying to disney land. i heard it’s more magical during christmas.” 

or so you thought your whispering skills were close to perfect but a cat with brown hair pops up from next to you, eyes glinting with excitement, “did someone say christmas?!”

so you end up early-christmas shopping just because of that one word that triggers the warm-hearted-who-ness in her. and that’s how you, taehyung and jimin gets dragged from one store to another. but where your attention gets robbed with material things like-

“oh look, a snow globe with a puppy and a snowman in it!” you shake the see through globe, watching as pseudo snowflakes rain over the unmoving pupper and olaf lookalike before you sigh, “technically the snowman isn’t alive and the doggo is alone by itself in a world where nobody else can enter - and on christmas at that . oh my god, i think i’m gonna cry.”

- but jennie’s interest lies within the holiday-themed clothes. sweaters. costumers. lingerie. you name it and jennie kim tries it on.

“___ - pssst, hey,” there she goes, hiss-whispering your name as if you’re not right in front of the curtain she’s poking her head through, eyes darting around for the two boys who, last you saw, were doing the best to look interested in reindeers and candy printed sweaters.

“what, girl, what?” you whisper back, trying to peek through the gap of the curtain over her head as if you’ve never entered a changing room together.

and as if reading your mind, her bare arm that’s supposed to be wrapped with the floral cotton material of her sleeve - shoots out, hand wrapping around your wrist.

a “wha- ah-!” probably echoed off the walls and turned some heads but you’re no longer in the position to check as you find your back pressed against the wall of the cubicle and red and white lace-wearing jennie posing for you.

“so?” she beams.

“those are so cute, oh my god,” you end up his-whispering whilst trying to keep your voice low, “where did you get them? i only ever saw you checking out - and you have got to admit this - ugly sweaters!”

“girl, the lingerie section is just next to the sweaters,” her eyes seem to disappear behind her crescents as she crinkles her nose, “no but for real, you think i was gonna buy them? i just needed the boys to go away. and. they. finally. did,” she rolls her eyes, “it took awhile but kim taehyung is so persistent.”

“that’s why he’s so... cute,” you hum, eyes shutting close as the picture of the aforementioned man flashes behind your eyes. he’s looking at you with those dark eyes and he’s smiling at you with that magnetic-

“gross! get your ass out of the gutter,” a squeal hits the air as your eyes flutter open to the sight of your best friend’s contorted faces as if-

“um, girl,” you tilt your head just the slightest bit, hand on your hip while your other hand raises in a ‘hold up’ manner, “out of the two of us, you’re the one that’s gotta stop being silly and start wrapping professor kim’s willy.”

a stick of tongue out is all you’ve got as a response before she turns to her phone that’s vibrating at an alarming rate.

that’s when you feign almost-vomit, “did you - ulgh - sent him a - ulgh - nude?”

in any ordinary circumstance, she would have made faces to mimic a much ridiculous series of vomiting in response to your fake almost-vomits but when her smile tugs downwards in a disheartened pout, you practically drop all the ugly sweaters you picked out just for the sake of getting into the christmas spirit and rush over to the girl - which is only one and a half feet away.

“hey, hey, what’s wrong?” you coo as she starts blinking back tears.

“i knew it,” she huffs out a puff of air, hand fanning at her waterline, “i fucking knew it.”

in between the ‘you’re okay’s and ‘everything’s going to be okay’s on your part and jennie’s increasingly growing sobs, you manage to make out the words she blurts out. something along the lines of ‘not spending as much time as we used to’ and ‘because i’m ugly as fuck’. so you hold her tighter, fingers brushing out the potentially forming knots in her hair each time it gets into her tear stained face and gets aggressively pushed out of said face with the back of the hand. 

it’s been going on since the start of the third year - the ‘i can’t make it tonight’s and ‘sorry, i’m going to have to rain check’s. 

you’ve been a silent spectator of how your best friend’s face lights up whenever she talks about her secret affair with the youngest professor in the business faculty, how he lives up to her private swooning with the smallest ‘miss kim, how was your day’s when he met her in the hallway, ever so casually greeting one of his supposed students like any professor would and treats her to fine-dinings and became the reason why forehead kisses are her favorite kind of kiss now.

he never really tried to hide his fondness for her even at the faculty and though you knew your best friend could get anyone she wanted, you were dubious of whether that anyone actually deserved such a loving, beautiful person. nonetheless, kim namjoon seems to be the exact person who does.

“hey, look at me,” you implore, sitting cross-legged on the floor whilst your knees touch and your fingers twine together in a fingers hug, or so jennie coined the term in your first year, “you’re so beautiful.”

“you don’t mean that,” she mumbles out.

“girl, if i were to be born again and were allowed to choose how i’m going to look - i want your eyes, they like, pull people in - not gonna lie, i started talking to you because you were intimidating but also really alluring. does that make sense?” you hold up a hand when she begins to giggle lightly, head shaking in show of her disagreement.

“but when i did get to know you, you’re the sweetest, squishiest,” a protest falls from her lips as she clasps a palm over the spot on her arm that you just pinched, “person alive. and oh!” you pinch her cheeks next, chuckling at how she crinkles her nose and like the feline she’s always been associated with, “and i want your cute chubs cheeks! and your adorable nose, and your lips,” you pause for the longest moment before retracting, “okay maybe i’d want my lips but your lips are juicy too!”

she makes a sound at the back of her throat, eyes of dried tears rolling, “please, i barely have any lips.”

“i mean, they’re still kissable,” you shoot her a suggestive look, “and i know out of the two of us, one would kiss you if she’s a little bit more fruity.”

“okay, maybe you think i’m kinda pretty,” she gives in.

but that’s not enough for you,“bih, you’re a literal goddess,”

“i’m not but anyway beauty is subjective so maybe namjoon’s perspective’s changed.”

“nope - nu-uh, we can cry and just... let ourselves feel the emotion that’s been bottling up and burst at one single message but what we’re not gonna do is mope around, being sad all day because of our presumptions that someone else thinks we’re not good enough or pretty enough. because you are and i would die for you.”

she hiccups, “i don’t know if i would die for you but i’d sacrifice my first born for you.”

“ew,” you feel your nose crinkling, “no, you’re not gonna trap me with a kid - that’s a trap right there and i’m not falling for it.”

jennie ends up laughing too loudly that one of the store attendants end up kicking you out. jimin and taehyung followed suit a second later, acting like they didn’t know you two but walking towards you anyway. you’re not sure if they noticed jennie’s swollen eyes but neither mentioned anything about it. instead, taehyung suggests- “since we’re already out, you guys wanna go to chanyeol’s party?”

x

so you end up going to the party. the apartment’s too cramped for your liking but jennie’s found some mutual friends of yours that she’s dancing and laughing with. and maybe that’s why you haven’t bolted right out of the door the moment you stepped in.

jimin found some of his own friends. they’re probably not from the faculty since you don’t remember seeing them around and taehyung-

you’re not quite sure why taehyung is following you around like a lost puppy and trying to make small talks with you. internally, your heart’s doing flips but your head’s been giving out one of those obnoxiously loud sirens with lights as red as the cup you’re holding.

“...and you know, it’s pretty cool how they managed to attract foreign investors within six months of starting up their business,” taehyung is saying, the awkward shrug and eyes glued to the ground telling you that he’s not so into whatever he’s saying either.

“yeah, like, they definitely got lucky or something,” you nod in agreement.

funny how the blare of the music is barely allowing you to have a proper conversation but all you hear is deafening silence as you stand five feet apart - the kind of distance that screams acquaintances but less than friends and most definitely not lovers.

but then he stands on his two feet instead of leaning his weight on just one - and he looks at you right in the eye for the first time that night. and your stupid heart goes fluttering like the petals in a field.

“hey, i don’t wanna be a nosy or anything but,” he pauses for the briefest second, eyes slanting to somewhere on the dance floor where you think you last saw jennie and then he refocuses back to you. but you already know where his mind and soul remains, “what happened today? like, jennie’s acting off, like something’s bothering her and she’s kinda drinking more than she should and it kinda feels like she doesn’t want me around.”

it takes a moment to ponder on how much you should say before your words become affirmation and affirmation will probably lead to more assumptions and - “well, you should ask her.”

“uh, i- she doesn’t- i don’t know how - i don’t wanna annoy her, you know what i mean? and since you’re best friends, i thought maybe you’d-” he’s scratching the back of his head when you cut him off.

“there’s your answer,” you raise the half-empty cup that’s been lying undrunken in your hands, “if you’re not gonna square up and tell her how you feel, then you, my friend,” your stomach drops at the word but you manage to land a solid pat on his arm, “are going to live the rest of your live like this - wondering what the hell is going on because you’re really not sure where you stand. and i get it, confessing to someone is terrifying and depending on jennie’s answer, you might or might not be able to talk to her ever again but it’s better to get it out there. feelings are like farts, you know?” the way his brows come together in a confused what-the-hell moment, is adorable, “hold it in and you’ll feel like something’s not right and it is never going to be until you get all of it out of your system.” and with a nod and a tight-lipped smile, you leave him with a “good luck,” before wandering over to the dance floor, not sure where you’re going because jennie, lisa chaeyoung and jisoo’s not where you thought they were and the only less crowded but still suffocating part of the apartment is the kitchen where you don’t want to risk going back and seeing taehyung there, unmoving in the spot where you left him.

amid all of it, you almost get your shoulder dislocated before a hand shoots out and pulls you back on your two feet whilst you raise your cup higher in hopes to save its contents from spilling.

the man that caught you looks between you and your raised cup for two solid seconds before a grin tugs on his face and he clicks his own cup to yours, “cheers.”

“aha, yeah,” you laugh as you feel his grip on your arm loosening and you pull it back to your side like a robot, taking a sip of your nicely saved drink.

“thanks for not letting me fall,” you say a moment later, after thanking whatever deity is out there that allows you to get your first drink into the right pipe without feeling the need to cough out loud.

“no problem,” even in the poor lighting, you can easily catch the sight of pearly whites lined up perfectly amid an alluring smile, that is, before a pair of brows knit together in what seem like an unresolvable conundrum, “hey, you don’t happen to...” he pauses for the longest moment, eyes slanting to scan the crowd and making you do the same until he commands your attention back with his next words, lips curling back into the breathtakingly attractive smile as words tumble past them, “...see two pretty best friends in here, do you?”

and that’s when your interest, wherever it is, plunges straight down to the ground and into the ether, “oh,” your vision shakes as you nod repeatedly before forcing out a dry “ha ha” which isn’t meant to disguise your displeasure at all - if anything, a wave of satisfaction crashes over you when his smile falters, “yeah, that - that’s really funny,” you say plainly, smile still plastered on your face.

“o-kay,” he drags out the word for half a second, teeth clenched together in growing panic as all traces of humor fade away, “...joke too old?”

“well, let’s see,” you feel your index finger tapping your chin as you throw your gaze up to the ceiling, “i get it, tell the ugly best friend she’s ugly but in a joking way,” you shrug, “you don’t need to rub it in my face cause i know and yes it’s getting old.”

it takes a whole solid moment of blaring music and non-caring half-way-drunken college students continuing to grind against one another and this insanely attractive stranger staring at you with jaws on the ground, for you to wave a dismissive hand.

“you know what? don’t worry, jennie’s not here, thankfully or she would’ve blo-” air fills your throat and cuts you off when he frowns, “who?”, to which you raise your eyebrows, “je-” you almost choked, “jennie?”

he shakes his head the second time, bottom lip jutting out in an additional- “nope” gesture as he continues with “never heard of her,” after your “jennie... kim?”

so you go one, “kinda cute height, long hair, brunette-” he shrugs, “nope- doesn’t ring a bell,” in the middle of your, “-fierce cat-like eyes but adorable as heck personality?”

in the end he wins with a final word of, “no - nope,” after a whole solid moment of your silenced disbelieve and him drawing his pondering session to a close.

“oh,” escapes your lips before you can even register, “so - it was- like-”

“yeap,” he nods, “it was-”

“a joke?”

“a joke.”

you both announce at the same time. the tones may differ but the essence is there, leaving one to stare at the ground in shame for having snapped at a complete stranger and the other staring with unapologetic eyes.

“i’m sorry,” you finally manage to utter, shoulderline falling with your walls of pride, “i thought it was one of those micro aggressive jokes people throw around just because they can’t straight out tell someone they’re ugly-”

but the words seem to enter through one ear and go out the other when his brows begin to knit together for the nth time of the night - and in a matter of less than thirty minutes at that - when he declares before you get to properly end your sentence, “you’re pretty as hell. why did you think i’d randomly try to crack a joke to a stranger and risk pissing pants off on the off chance she took it badly... which you did. i’m sorry for pushing the wrong button.”

“oh,” but just like him, your brain short-circuits and you seem to only truly hear the first part of what he’s saying as just like any girl - you curse yourself as you - shy away from his gaze, hand going up to tuck your hair behind your ear before you slowly peek up through your lashes, “thanks,” you blink once, shrugging, “and it’s fine i get that joke a lot - i don’t usually care, i don’t know what got into me tonight.” 

but before he manages to say anything, the loudspeaker starts reverberating with the sound of someone clearing their throat and a “how’s everyone doing?” and a dismissive “alright, alright you might be wondering ‘who the eff is this guy’ right? yea, yea, i know, but-” he stops, eyes scanning the crowd for a suspenseful effect, “-but you’re gonna wanna hear this,” to which a groan erupts from the crowd, so he quickly gets to the point “don’t panic,” most of the time, that’s exactly when you should panic, “so, the police are coming.”

x

his name is jeon jeongguk and he goes to your university’s rival university. his hair is actually a shade of rich deep brown that forms wavy ends and contrasts glaringly against his sharp jawline under the fluorescent lighting which also highlights his pearly whites that remind you of bunnies when his lips curl over them when he smiles.

to think that he’s doing that now while the police officer, a man in his 40′s and on the shorter side of the spectrum is ten steps from marching up to you with a disapproving gaze on his face.

his hair falls over his face in half ringlets, an excited glint in his eyes, “he’s mad cause we’re clean.”

a guy somewhere a few people away from you is sobbing increasingly loudly with every step the officer takes before he comes to a stop in front of you, eyes skimming each faces one by one until he stops on you.

“you,” he announces before sighing deeply, “you look like a kid who wouldn’t cause trouble, why are you here?”

“uh,” the chain around your wrist feels cold but jeongguk’s pinky that’s touching yours as your thighs brush together - is warm, “i...” you pause, in search for words before settling with a disappointing confession “i don’t know,”

the officer echoes your statement with a critical emphasize on the ‘don’t’.

and because of that, you blink once, “in fact, does anyone know what they’re doing at all? if you think about it we’re just astronomical particles in this vast universe which is called the milky way,” you pause, if only squint at his sparse mustache, “why is it even called milky way? like, there’s absolutely no scientific evidence that milk exists in outer space or do you reckon the guys that named it just feels like drinking some milk while they were-”

by the end of it, a few snickers have escaped from the people you and jeongguk were caught with, the aforementioned man, having turned his head the other way as his shoulders jolt silently and it’s only then does the officer’s increasing confused expression contorts into that of a maddened bore, “keep hanging out with him and you’re gonna find yourself behind bars.”

“that hurts my feelings, detective yoo,” jeongguk confesses, forehead creasing as his uncuffed hand holds the spot on his chest where his heart should be.

the man finally shakes his head, motioning to a younger officer who looks just about your age to start unlocking everyone’s cuffs - there were a few other people you’ve never seen before dragged out of the vicinity and to the station. he speaks a moment later, “you kids are lucky because none of you are associated with the ones down the hallway - we were initially going for them. busted their asses and found over a hundred kilograms of cocaine.”

once your cuffs are off and you get your phone back, you’re fast-scrolling through the messages on the notification window before swiping up and searching for jennie’s contact. it turns out she, taehyung and jimin guessed you were one of the few who didn’t make it and waited for you near the building where the party was busted.

“oh my god,” jennie is the first to dash into your arms as if she hadn’t seen you since forever, “i’m so sorry i left you!”

“well to be fair, i left you,” you mumble, your arms banded around her waist while hers around your neck.

and just when you thought the melodrama would end when she pulls away, you find yourself staring at sparkly-eyed jennie and the most heartbreaking downturned lips, “i will never,” she pauses, “ever let you out of my sight.”

you’re exactly against that idea - after all, you’ve made plans to buy a beach house and move in together in your olden days once you’ve poiso- burried your husbands who died of a totally natural cause.

it’s only after breaking apart from a second hug, do you realize the man standing not-so-awkwardly five feet away.

“don’t mind me,” jeongguk holds up his hands, “i don’t watch much drama but i might after all this.”

“jeongguk,” you can’t help the smile that creeps up your face at his joke, “this is jennie,” then you turn to the girl who still has her arm around your waist, and you her, “jennie, jeongguk.”

“have i seen you before?” her cat-like eyes narrows just the slightest bit, as though if she tried hard enough, she’d see the pieces of moving memories that’ll somehow point out where she claims to have met him - but you don’t doubt it if they have, jennie gets invited to a lot of parties and hookups.

you should’ve known when jeongguk’s eyes sweep over you with a playful glint in them as he begins, “that’s funny because ____ here-” that from this point forward, that you shouldn’t have put your foot forward and prance at him like a predator with a secret, hand clasped against a surprisingly hard chest before your brain can register what you’re doing.

and when it does, you’re left to awkwardly pat his chest in what you hope to be friendly gesture whilst you force out a laugh, “that- that was really funny jeongguk,” you turn to jennie who, having known you all your life easily catches onto your out-of-character laugh but says nothing, so you point at the guy you’re basically and is still groping - to which you’ve finally tear your hand off his body, “he’s a funny guy.”

“and who exactly is this funny guy?” taehyung comes up on your left - you think you catch sight of his sleek bmw parked on the other side of the street where he must’ve strutted up from in his beige jacket with his hands buried in its pockets.

“just...” you trail off before your brain completely fries and you blurt out, “some guy.”

and that’s when jeongguk decides to call you out, “some guy? i helped you through a life lesson.”

you attribute the alcohol in your system that’s slowing down the neurons and disables you from thinking before you act when you roll your eyes, “in case you didn’t realize, you were in there laughing your ass off when i had to have my own back while that officer looked like he was a word away from dragging me to the police station for talking back to a law enforcement.”

“you talked back to an officer?” jennie chirps, her jaw falling to the ground as her cat eyes widen in excitement and astonishment.

“she did,” jeongguk nods at the girl, a displaced proud smile on his lips before he looks back to you, “brought out the boomer in him too.”

“you pissed off an officer?” this time, it’s jimin who pops up from behind taehyung, before casually nodding to jeongguk with a “hey man.”

“i mean, it was probably ___’s sheer guts and rebellious streak alone that helped free us,” jeongguk goes on, eyes glinting with amusement in the briefest moment they slant to meet yours but they’re gone too soon as he redirects your attention to jimin and jennie’s overpouring questions.

and because jennie wanted to hear more about how jeongguk embellished what went down, taehyung ends up agreeing to give the stranger a ride as you get squished between two men with jennie constantly pulling on the strap of the seatbelt to look over to the backseat, her mouth constantly dropping with every word jeongguk utters like he’s some well-known storyteller.

by the time the car rolls to a stop in front of his apartment building, jennie’s shooting you approving, borderline provocative looks your way - you don’t doubt that if she had any power in her hand to put both you and jeongguk in the same room, lock the door and swallow the key, she would in a heartbeat.

“hey,” jeongguk leans over the doorframe, “can i talk to you for a sec?” it’s the way he tilts his head to the side on a 35 degree angle, paired with that dangerous smile he’s been shooting you in the briefest span of moments jennie’s head is turned to the road and jimin’s gave is thrown outside of the window and taehyung isn’t stealing glances from the rear-view mirror - that makes you want to shake your head in rejection to his request and prance out of the car like a predator in heat at the same time.

but instead, you calmly slide over to the side now vacant side and slip out of the car, closing the door behind you so no ears can eavesdrop.

the scent of his cologne wafts stronger into your senses now that you have no police officers to be cautious of nor any embellished stories to correct.

that, or maybe it’s the way he’s got you trapped against the car door and his body, right arm placed perfectly on the roof of the car, next to your head.

“bout time you give me your @, no?” the corner of his lips tilts higher into a cocky smirk.

“um, yea,” you begin, “i think it’s better if we leave into the night like strangers with stories, you know? and if we’re meant to find each other, we will,” you swear on your grandmother’s grave that you will never go to any parties anymore, “makes a good plot for a drama,” eyes going wide and mouth taking on an ‘o’ shape, you continue, “didn’t you say you were gonna start watching those?”

 his shoulderline shakes as he chuckles, head dropped it tilts up, eyes capturing yours, “i’m not falling for that,” his announcement is plain and simple and yet you’re forced to put twice the effort in your smile as to not let it falter, “after getting my chest groped and caressed, i deserve at least-”

“it was a friendly pat, mind you,” you correct, smile still glued to your face before rolling your eyes, “but snapchat is as far as i’m willing to go.”

“works for me,” the screen of his phone flashes with a dark mode keypad splayed over it - you’re not sure how he unlocked it without taking those glinted eyes off you but he did. so you swipe the phone off his hand and send yourself a request through his account.

“i’m gonna open your snap and leave you on read!” you announce, and he laughs, “alright, bet!”

and with that, he waves at you using the same phone he told you to put your number in, taking a few steps backward, allowing you room to breathe properly again before he whirls on his heels and walks through the glass double doors.

you don’t wait any longer than you have to, shivering from the cold night air when you slip into the car.

“did you give him your number?!” jennie practically screams.

“no but i gave my snapchat only because he looked like he wouldn’t sleep a wink at night if i didn’t,” you shrug.

and that’s how kim jennie gets it into her head that you’re going to get your first-boyfriend-cherry popped. or so she likes to believe.

but that’s the least of your concern for the greater one comes in a devil with black jeans and matching plain t-shirt and timberlands and a lit up screen at exactly three something in the am, right after you’re done with a hot shower and in a middle of towel drying your hair and putting on your night routine skincare.

you open the text revealing a night view of a cityscape from a window which room is surrounded by darkness and a transparent horizontal strip with a ‘❄️ ’ in the middle from a goldenjks.

so you snap a picture of your skincare products next to a mirror with you and a towel on your head, face blocked by your hand that’s holding your phone, choosing  to send ‘🍜’.

and so it goes, the snap war that erupts between you and user goldenjks throughout the night which, after you’d gotten into bed with the lights off, basically includes snaps of your darkened room and his more superior window view.

before long, you started texting on snapchat about how the police officer seems to know him and how-

goldenjks

u were p chill for someone who got arrested for the 1st time

you’re giggling in the darkness at 5:23 am.

you

cs ik i didn’t do anything wrong

duh

and he mentions something about a sobbing kid that was made to wait with you and nobody really did anything to comfort him.

goldenjks

that coulda been u if i wasn’t there probably

you roll your eyes but you can feel your muscles becoming sore from the way your lips are stretching from ear to ear.

then it starts with how taehyung didn’t saying anything throughout the ride up until the car rolled to a stop in front of jeongguk’s place.

goldenjks

r u guys using him for his car???

cs same 

i would 2

you

wtf

we’re not 😭😭

and without much thought, you end up spilling a not-so-secret but not-so-well-known truth.

you

welp

he’s using me to get close to jennie so

ig i should use him for his car

oof

goldenjks 

ooof

so let me guess

u can’t say no to him  cs u have the biggest crush on him

“what the hell?” you mumble to yourself, smile pulled down into a frown, but before you can type out a reply, two more pop up on his side.

goldenjks

and jimin head over heels for u

you

🧢 🧢 🧢

u funny 😂😂😂

goldenjks

fr fr tho 😔😔😔

i would b too

all of a sudden, a boy with the softest blonde hair and crescent eye smiles floods your throughts. you and jimin might have been casual friends for the longest time and only until recently started hanging out together - and he may or may not hold confidential information about the littlest details of the lack of smile on your face and the blank snaps in your stories whenever you’re down.

but to say he’s reacting such way because he’s into you would be a total scam.

so you shake your head, laughing out loud, “nah can’t be.”

you

alright imma 😴😴😴

to which jeongguk tests back a gnight and after one whole solid minute, a text u tmr?

you leave him on read.

x

“like, who does he think he is?” you huff, burying the plastic spoon into the ice cream before scooping up a chunk of neapolitan flavored goodness and directing it into your mouth, “he literally met us just last night and he’s spouting shit like he knows us for years?”

“i don’t know,” jennie humps, tongue darting out to lick the remnants of strawberry ice cream on her upper lips before she goes on with a smile that screams ‘just get together already’, “it’s kinda hot to me when guys know shits, you know what i mean?”

you’ve managed to avoid jimin and taehyung at all costs and sneak to the ice cream parlor that’s five minutes away from campus where you spilled your guts out about how you got unreasonably irritated by the long running joke, about how jeongguk’s hand wrapped around your wrist and he pulled you out of the way of the chaotic college students who were rushing to get out of the small, cramped apartment and how you stopped him from relaying your disbelief of his lack of knowledge about her.

“like, i flipped out at him because of some stupid joke,” you shrugged, hands fiddling with each other while a coat of smoke wafted over the newly scooped and paid-for ice cream.

your name rolled off her lips before she stared at you with her hands on hear heart, “i- i didn’t know you would go so far as fight a guy for me for calling me ugly,” then she laughed, “but you don’t have to. girl, we been knew i’m ugly as fuck.”

your jaw hit the ground at the word she used to describe herself before you blinked and came back to your senses and aggressive defenses, “oh my god, i’m the ugly one and you’re the literal goddess - like, i shouldn’t even be looking at you. i should be looking at your sole. you should be stepping on me - step on me! now!”

a yelp resonated into the air as you groped around for jenni’s left leg in an attempt to lift her foot to make her step on you to which you both ended up laughing hysterically after realizing that she was wearing a skirt and the way you were sitting may or may have not resulted in an array of possible outcomes.

“oh my god, do you think she saw my panties?” she meant the woman in her late 40′s who were shooting disapproving eyes at the both of you as she scrolled through her phone, seeming to be waiting for someone before placing an order.

“you just flashed a poor old woman who came to have some ice cream,” you were hunched over, hand covering your face as you stole glances her way which didn’t hold long because you ended up giggling with the girl when you caught each other’s eyes.

“you think she likes what she sees?” jennie’s brows rose suggestively and you knew what she was going to say next before the words even leave her mouth, “you think maybe i should tell her about my onlyfans?”

it was a few bursts of giggles later, that you’d finally managed to talk properly. or probably because jennie’s question brought out an unwelcomed emotion that you pushed to the back of your conscience last night and for the most part, managed to forget, “so,” her brows were wiggling like earthworms on her forehead, “did he text you?”

that was what spurred the whole confession and up to the moment where you spilled the contents of the unfairly attractive stranger’s text.

“i don’t know, he kinda went overboard,” you shrug and jennie’s hand reaches over yours, patting it once with what you assume is an understanding manner.

“sweetie, i get it,” she announces, “you feel exposed because he said the absolute truth and only the truth and now you’re projecting your embarrassment on him through disdain.”

silence follows her statement.

and staring.

on your part, that is.

“girl,” you blink once, eyebrows arched, “whatever you’re having - i want some.”

that warrants a bout of giggles from said girl before she scoops her last bite of ice cream and hook arms with you as you walk towards the trashcan to dump your empty paper bowls, “no but for real, i like jeongguk-”

“then you date him,” you announce, nodding in approval.

“i like how he brings this... this... fire out of you, you know?” she quizzes to which you shake your head in a ‘no, i don’t know’ kind of manner as she goes on, “and i already have namjoon so,” she sing songs as she starts to skip in the middle of the mall and since your arms are linked together, you end up taking larger steps to accommodate to hers before deciding that you can’t root your feet down to slow her down into a normal pace. so you join her, skipping to the exit where you wait for your uber.

“you guys made up?” the question comes out in a calm, poised manner once you’ve both slipped into the backseat of the uber - you’d like to believe you’re doing a pretty good job on trying to conceal your spiking disbelief and the need to whoop someone’s ass. that someone being a girl who just pledged an oath to choose herself first instead of some man who-

“i texted him and told him how i felt with him cancelling on our plans and when i didn’t get any reply, i turned off my phone and got into bed because i’m not gonna mope over someone who won’t appreciate me,” at that, you give her an approving nod, “but then he came knocking on my door at like 5 in the morning in yesterday’s suit because apparently he has a deadline to meet and he’s been bending over backward trying to finish it on time and he brought his laptop with him too and managed to submit on time after explaining everything. he said he tried calling multiple times but obviously it went to voice mail so... yeah we made up.”

“that’s...” you trail off, only to stare at your friend’s beaming face like she’s just had one of the best facials on earth, “wow, i... i don’t know what to say now that we know he’s not trash.”

“i know,” you feel her pat the back of your hand sympathetically, “and that’s what a man is,” and when she looks at you with eyes that have one goal in her mind, you know not to start listening because the facts are going to bruise your pride and hit the nail on the head more times than you’d-

“liking a boy has more downs than ups but i’m not too worried because you’re a self-loving bitch and i love that for you but kim taehyung is not it,” she says all that with a straight face.

“yeah,” you mumble, thumbs fiddling together as you turn your attention to them as if it’s the most magnifying thing in the world to find out that identical parts of your body could move on their own with just a thought.

“okay, but i swear, he’s so oblivious all the time-” the girl stops short of her lament, you can see her head tilting to peer at you at a slightly different angle as if to see traces of an impostor on you, “wait, what?”

“we got into a fight last night- i don’t know if it’s even a fight but you know how i go off in a tangent when i get like annoyed, right?” you steal a glance at her for half a second before going back to your thumbs, “so i kind of did that to him before the dude announced the cops were coming and we haven’t really talked to each other since then.”

before any of you could say anything else, the sound of a cough echoes in the air, warranting your attention to turn to the driver, a woman in her mid-thirties. you return her smile through the rear-view mirror, “if you don’t mind me saying this - i know you girls are smart as fuck, but you sound just as dumb as that guy - whoever he is because it’s completely normal to get mad at someone you’re crushing on and still have a crush on them but sounds to me like you’re thinking one fight is the end of the world for you.”

“sis, please, don’t encourage her,” jennie talk-whispers as she leans forward just the slightest bit and covers the side of her mouth with her hand.

“well, we’re not really friends,” you begin and jennie groans - you two went over this and agreed to disagree with each other’s wildly contrasting views about crushing on crushes that could crush you but the lady hasn’t heard it so you’re not going to stop lamenting over it, “and whatever i do, it’s like i’m teetering on a tight rope because one wrong move and he probably won’t talk to me ever again and i’m not like miserably crushing on him - like, whatever we are right now - it lets me see him every day and he has the cutest smile and the prettiest fingers- i just - it’s better than not talking to each other forever, you feel?”

“um, don’t i?” she rolls her eyes, as if coming from a place filled with oblivious boys and hopeless crushes.

her name is solar and she does uber as a part time while working 9 to 5 at a firm that she claims to pay better but still not enough for her to save up for her wedding on the side and she and her fiance knew each other since high school but she’s seen him date two girls and get his heartbroken by both before he actually noticed her, the friend that’s always been there for him through his heartbreaks.

coming from someone who isn’t jennie and her alarming obsession with breaking parts of bodies of people who hurt her loved ones, solar’s view is somewhat a mixture of you and your best friend’s which still bases on one simple fact: whatever you say to and about taehyung comes bouncing back at you like a ping pong ball because-

“you have a crush on him and he has a crush on jennie,” she surmises before looking over at the aforementioned girl, “and people with crushes act like idiots- by the way how do you feel- like how do you handle the guy’s advancements and still aren’t awkward with each other because i have never seen...”

when the car rolls to a stop in the parking lot of your faculty, she finally turns to the two of you, her bleached blonde hair framing her face in waves as the silence - on you and jennie’s part as you both share glances at the indicative joke opening - hangs in the air with a sort of tension you can feel.

might even bite back like you did with jeongguk but you’re more in control now.

 “...two pretty best friends who are still best friends when there’s a guy that comes between them.”

“oh thank god,” jennie sighs, laughing and you’re nodding in agreement, “thanks for not-” and your best friend echoes, “yeah,” before you can even finish your sentence, “-saying that cliche joke or like for giving your own twist to it,” waving a dismissive hand, you address her initial worries, “and taehyung doesn’t-”

“he doesn’t-” jennie chimes in.

“-come between us.”

you both say at the same time. 

“oh my god, that’s great, you know my best friend tried sleeping with my fiance behind my back once,” solar crinkles her nose, “wasn’t a good experience but anywho, i’m so glad to see two girls having each other’s back like you guys. makes me want to...”

it’s a few moments later that you finally hand her the money and murmur out appreciations for being such a great uber driver along with some ‘give me five stars! thanks!’ and ‘we will! have a nice one!’

you both part ways in the hallway when you’re supposed to go for marketing and she has to go for personnel management. jimin’s already reserved a seat for you, waving at you to catch your attention which he succeeds splendidly. by the start of the second year, you’ve opted to sit together in classes you have in common, though not as close as the front as you’d like, it’s better than sitting at the back where you can hear the buzz of flies - you mean people, talking.

“are you doing anything this friday night?” jimin asks amidst people zooming out of the class as if they don’t want to be there for longer than a minute after being dismissed.

that, or they have another class to get to on the other side of the campus.

“uh, just me or me and jennie ‘you’?” you dumbly question.

that warrants a chuckle from the boy, “you and jennie... unless you wanna come alone?”

a hum vibrates in your chest as you narrow your eyes at him, as though if you looked close enough, you can see through his skull and right into his thoughts. 

but you can’t so that’s why you’re spouting out another question, “where exactly are you inviting us again?”

“so, like, you know i dance right?” he drops his gaze for the briefest moment before coming back up to lock it with yours, “it’s very lowkey - just something i do for fun, but we kind of have a dance off with other teams every month and this month’s round is this friday night so i was wondering if you wanna come?” then he quickly adds, “with jennie, of course.”

to be frank your weekends are as boring and dull as it gets - the party-busted incident was a rare exception - but you and jennie are quite content with it. you start having more to do and places to venture out to when taehyung and subsequently jimin join your group of two and made it a group of four but for the most part, if you’re not going anywhere, your weekend is usually spent with watching movies and burying yourself in work for the rest of it.

“bet,” your reply might have come a tad bit delayed judging from how his brows rise to the ceiling and his eyes go round as he chirps, “really?” 

“yeah, just text me or jennie the location the day before,” you request as you both walk down the hallway.

“great- yeah, i’ll... i’ll text you the place,” jimin beams even as he bumps into someone behind him, turning around to lower his head and mumble out an oh sorry before turning back to you, “i got another class but i’ll text you- on thursday - not today, of course.”

and you wave back, shouting out an ‘okay bye!’

then he’s gone like the wind.

x

the days pass by like a breeze.

kim taehyung caught you in the middle of waiting for jennie’s class to end whilst also finishing up some work in the library. he knew your favorite spot and he knew where you’d usually be - but you had an inkling that you weren’t exactly the reason why he memorized these little things. he waved at you in greeting and you waved back. you would’ve pretended he didn’t exist after that and go back to your laptop if he didn’t hold up his phone screen with blank white space and blue and grey bubbles on the side.

so of course you picked up your phone, noticing that there were already three wiggling dots when you tapped on his name.

kth: hey

you met his gaze once, as if to affirm that he meant to send it. when he shota half, almost pleading smile, you typed out a reply.

you: hey what’s good

kth: nothing

kth: just waiting for a friend

seeing as there was not really a conversation going on where jennie wasn’t involved and how the boy’s blatant dismissal in addressing the big, giant elephant in the room, taehyung must’ve had seen the way your lips pursed into an irritated pout before his phone vibrated.

you: cool

and then you were back to your laptop, typing sentences out and backspacing because of its incoherent nature, or lack of quality or whatever reason that stopped you from doing your job before kim taehyung’s arrival.

then he started whispering “hey, uh, ____,” from across the table. upper body leaned to the front as if it’d help enunciate his words.

you took your sweet time taking out your airpods from each individual ear and placing them down next to your mac before finally arching a brow at the boy, “what?”

“hey,” he repeated, this time with a frozen mid-wave, “hi, how you doing?”

“great thanks,” there was a minimal effort on your part to disguise your ‘what even?’ expression on your face as you picked up your right airpod first - only to be stopped by the boy’s-

“i’m sorry.”

it’s clean and short but his face made up for conveying his genuinity.

“why are you saying sorry?” it didn’t mean you were going to let him off the hook easy.

“well, because...” he trailed off for the briefest moment but the unconcealable bop of his adam’s apple isn’t really helping him appear any more convincing, “i was being pushy...” he looked to you for an indication of him being on the right track to which you were not sure if he did get any but he still went on with his wits and his will - it took you everything not to gush over how cute he looks with his panic-blinking and pretty lips moving as if to say something but no words coming out, “...and i was generally being an annoying little shit.”

“and?” you pressed on, blinking once as if to paint a look of unbotheredness.

“...and...” he echoes, eyes darting from your phone to somewhere behind you and then something next to it but only silence fills the space between you and him.

“alright, i’m gonna be real with you,” leaning back, you cross your arms over your chest, “i know you talk to me when you need something and i don’t really care - well i do, but i just bottle it up until it one day burst out, you know what i’m saying? so yea, if you’re wondering if that night was me blowing up on you, it kinda was and it wasn’t because you were making small talks with me just to  poke into my best friend’s business - well, it kinda is but like not in that way, you follow? what i mean is.. don’t let me catch you sneaking behind jennie’s back asking personal shits about her that you don’t think she’s going to disclose even if you straight up ask her - that’s sus, taehyung.”

by the end of it, he was staring at you like you had two horns and a tail swaying around behind you. but you concur, that may or may have not been your inner self coming to light - just a hypocrite criticizing someone for doing the things she would have done, if she wasn’t already doing it, if she was in his shoes.

and to be quite frank, taehyung’s shoe size is probably a few inches bigger than yours but if they had laces, you would’ve been able to put them on and tied them up to accommodate your ego.

so taehyung didn’t - couldn’t say anything in response to your second time going off into a tangent and because of what he did, at that. he stopped texting you altogether and only talked to jennie whenever you weren’t around and left before you got to them if he saw you coming his way - jennie’s actually. 

either way, jennie wasn’t as elated as you thought she’d be once you told her that you called taehyung out on his bullshit.

“um, i’ve always wanted to tell him about me and namjoon so he’d give up - you were the one who didn’t let me,” she might or might not have said something along the lines of you making her “lead him on all because you wanted to an eye candy to look at every day.”

“what do you mean?” your forehead was creasing a thousand folds.

“not that i’m pointing fingers,” she went on, eyes glued to the pairs of indoor shoes in the corner of the room and anywhere but your eyes, “but i’m like, cool with or without him around but you sort of said ‘okay, then it’s cool if he comes with us right?’ and you were making puppy eyes and i couldn’t no to that-”

and so you were laughing dryly, “aha- wha- what so it’s my fault that he’s being a total wuss and won’t square up?”

“i didn’t say that,” jennie’s reply came a heartbeat later which meant yes, it was.

so now you’re not talking to your best friend and neither are you talking to the boy who’s crushing on her. which leaves you a lot of free time to finish up your work in time to hop into a bullet train and then an uber and get to the building where jimin’s dance off is held. 

you’re in the middle of texting the boy a ‘sorry, might b late. i didn’t know there’d be a line 😭’ when a figure comes up to you from the corner of your eye.

fitted in black jeans and matching tucked in t that shows off his slender waist and beanie, the only thing that isn’t black is probably his white-yellow timberlands, “so you weren’t kidding when you said you were gonna leave me on read.”

“you know, it’s so cute that you think you’re worth the reply at all,” you blink, eyes going wide and jaw hanging loose from shock, “this... this... confidence - where do you get it? seriously, tell me because i have never seen someone with such immaculate self-absorbance.”

jeongguk’s head moves as he nods in admittance, hands buried in his pocket before he looks up at you. that familiar glint in his eyes is telling you that whatever he has up his sleeve, you’re not going to be able to refuse.

“you know, eugene over there and i are homies,” he nods towards the burly tall man at the front who’s mainly the reason there’s a line in the first place - one that no one seems to dare cut, “i could get you in faster.”

“oh my god, look what that self-absorbance’s got you believing,” you put one, sympathetic hand on his shoulder as your free hand goes to cover the spot on your chest where your heart is, “i’m so happy for you,” you glance over to the not-declining-anytime-soon line behind you, “but sometimes, even confidence can’t get you into invites-only events.”

 to any other person, it must’ve looked like you and jeongguk are friends - friendly acquaintances hitting best buddies at the very least. but something in the way his grin curling sweetly on his lips and the curve of the half ringlet of his hair touching the corners of his onyx eyes, makes your toes curl inwardly and your stomach churn with a sort of emotion you can’t pinpoint.

and because of that, you know there won’t be any sort of friendship forming between you and jeongguk.

he leaves you with an amused smirk and a “see you inside,” and marches up to eugene, the two sharing an uncomplicated handshake before the man steps to the side and lets him in.

well. 

it takes you another ten minutes of standing in line and assuring jimin that he doesn’t need to rush out and risk having his team go without him when their turn comes. which according to jimin, ‘isn’t anytime soon - they let the bigger teams go first’.

but then jimin knowing jimin, that probably meant soon enough.

when you’re finally on the front of the line, crumpled up ticket in hand, eugene gives you a once over and nods at his not-as-burly-but-just-as-scary-looking friend.

“follow me,” and with that, she struts in through the door but instead of going down the hallway like the ones before you did before they disappear from eyesight in the corner, she takes a sharp turn to the right until she stops in front of an elevator.

her deep violet hair brushes against her cheekbones as she nods at the empty box with mirrors all around.

yeesh, guess everyone expresses themselves with their bodies here.

the numbers constantly change from ground level to 1 to 2 and finally stops at the 3rd floor where the blare of the music seems to come from. and that’s when you see the black haired boy who has his forearms leaned against the railing as he grins at something on the bottom floor where the shouts and cheers seem to erupt from. but before you can make a sharp 180 to go back down where jimin said you’d only need to follow the hallway and take the turn around the corner like the people before you did, jeongguk looks up as if sensing the heat of your gaze drilling holes inside his head. with one hand raised, he beckons you over.

“your majesty,” you drop into a bow once you reach him, “this humble servant thanks you for bringing her here but,” pointing your thumb over your shoulder at the hallway you just came from you continue, “i think i’m on the wrong floor because all i can see here is flocks of hair - an oh, shiny scalp from that guy - arms flailing around. takes away the magic of dance, you feel?”

“so you’re here for jimin.” it doesn’t sound like a question - so it must not be. a ponderous hum vibrate from his chest as you shoot him an arched brow whilst your insides burst like fireworks at the way his darkened eyes traces down your body and back up after he’s done with what seems to be a scout’s assessment.

“no leather pants and no best friend or heartbreak boy hovering around like a lost puppy - let me guess, he did something that made you mad, the best friend backed him up and now you’re mad at both of them?” he raises his own brow, lips curling into an assured smirk, “oh and jimin here’s probably taking a neutral stance because it ‘doesn’t concern’ him.”

you don’t know if you want to run away or grab the neck of his shirt and smack your lips on his.

so you settle with handguns pointed in his face, “alright, catch you never.”

but before you can even take a step to where you came from, jeongguk’s laying out his card on the table, “you sure bout that? it’s bulleproof boys’ turn - it’s jimin’s teams name, in case you’re wondering and judging by who they’re going against, it might be their first and last performance for the night.”

“i knew that,” respectfully, you had no idea that the teams have specific names besides the alphabetical letters given to them upon registration.

jimin’s only mentioned dance match once and that he’s in team c that’ll go against team d.

so you stick around, watching from all the way on the third floor where the lest people are gathered, cheering out names of teams that are alien to your ears which seem to be the team jimin is going against. but the fact that jimin could dance with such precision and grace is magnifying enough. he’s mostly posed on either sides of the formation, switching from the front left to the furthest back line on the right side as the beat drops.

jimin’s name pours out of your mouth in cheers but it’s swallowed by the other cheers before it can even reach him. in the end, jimin’s team loses. they still go up to their opponent and share handshakes and sidehugs before moving away from the dance floor.

he’s not smiling nor is he frowning as he stands in the crowd after the prelims but his lips curl and eyes disappear into crescents when he sees you.

“hey!” his arms open up into a hug, only to stop halfway in hesitation but by then you’re already wrapping yours around his neck with a “you were so cool!”

and just like that, the awkwardness in the air dissipates.

“i didn’t see you in the crowd.”

“so what? you thought i left?” a light smack lands on his arm, “by the way, you didn’t tell me it was this intense - i can feel the tension from all the way...” you pause for the briefest moment, “...in the audience.”

“everyone here just likes to dance so it gets competitive at some point but at the end of the day, it’s important to have fun,” he shrugs, a shy smile plastered to his face.

“either way you did great,” you bump his elbow with yours, and he shifts his weight to his left foot.

“we lost but it was a fair match the bts people were too good,” a mixture of regret and contentedness crosses his face as he nods to himself, as if admitting the difference in skills.

“let’s get a drink later, i’m buying,” you propose and jimin looks like a kid who just received his favorite candy.

well, that was the plan for the rest of the night up until the winner was announced. then a boy no older than you and jimin came up to the latter, arms slung over his shoulders, “dude, beyond the scene just asked if we wanna join them at the afterparty. can you believe it?”

“dude, you capping - don’t fucking joke with men man, i was about to shit my pants-” jimin attempts to shove the guy away half-heartedly which does nothing as his friend - teammate, cuts him off.

“i’m not fucking joking, man, behind the scenes literally asked if we wanna chill with them!”

the two boys are basically shoving each other back and forth before they start slapping each other on the face once to wake the other up. whoever this behind the scenes guys, they seem like a pretty big deal if two grown adults are fanboying this hard about them.

only after they’re sporting the faintest shade of pink on their right cheeks, do they finally realize that they weren’t squeal-whispering by themselves. he introduces himself as kai - “jimin’s best friend and mentor.”

“he likes to say that because i got into dance because of him,” jimin adds, debunking the mentor myth.

you’re about to wave the two goodbye and call it a night since it’s pretty clear that the behind the scenes guys only invited them and not their friends.

“come with us,” kai announces as the three of you walk down the back entrance where it’s less crowded and meant for the participants to use, “baekhyun can’t make it so we’ll still be five people.”

“i really should go- it’s getting late and my place is in seoul-”

and so begin your war of apologies and ‘no, you’s.

“oh shit, i forgot.” jimin’s usually almond-shaped eyes turn round and wide, “you used the subway-”

“yeah, but i can still catch the last train home-” you try to assure.

“i’ll accompany you back-”

“no, no - you should go with them-”

“no, i made you come to watch-”

and it would have gone on until morning if you and jimin were left to argue on who should do what if kai didn’t clap his hands together and put an end to the long debate, “okay, okay, break it up.”

he looks between the blonde haired best friend and then to you, “jimin came with me so i’m gonna drive him back anyway and i could drop you off too after chilling with bts - it’s nothing you’re not used to, beers and games and shits, you know? plus it’ll be like, less than 20 people there - bts never invites other groups into their circle - who knows, maybe you’ll find your true way like jimin did,” he pats the aforementioned man on his shoulder whilst jimin rolls his eyes at the way best friends who’ve heard their best friend boast about an-untruth for the umpteenth time.

and because you basically made another friend and that means you’ll have at least 2 people to hang out with if the rest turns out not to be your kind of people - so you cave in, “okay, sure, why not?”

x

'why not’s are subjective - or so you’d like to think.

like when you’re not particularly into americano and prefer latte but wouldn’t say no to having the first if jennie mixed up your order and bought you your not-so-favored but also not-so-hated drink.

but jennie’s known you since she shoved you off the swings at five after you outran her only to get to the swings faster because only one was vacant and the other kid was already in the other one.

so she’d know your preferred drinks.

but in the event she suddenly has amnesia or anything and got you and americano, that’s when you’ll go, “why not?”

but that and finding out that jeongguk used to be part of bts until he hurt his during practice, having to have 2 major surgeries because of it, rendering him no longer able to dance so he’s only going to the dance offs to cheer for his friends which was how he met you at the entrance and now you’re handcuffed together (and yes, again) in the middle of the forest - are two disparate things altogether.

hoseok, the most outgoing and friendliest of the bunch, suggested for the ice breaking to be in a form of 2 beer bottles and a sort of rope or chain tying people from bts and the bulletproof people together to talk for five minutes. they only have 2 pairs of cuffs so the others that lack them have to make do with bandanas and you think a seokjin got harassed into taking off his shirt and using it as him and his designated partner’s pseudo handcuff.

yours and jeongguk’s are - you’re not sure if it’s a fortunate or unfortunate thing - real ones (you’re not sure if you want to know why and how seulgi easily pulls out a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs and a normal-looking one - out of the blue).

but you’re almost sure that you’re leaning on the side of the internal argument of this - this, right here - is why not.

“why didn’t you text me back?” jeongguk is in the middle of asking as you take a big chug of the alcoholic beverage.

"oh my god,” you let a pleased smile tug at your lips as you feel the buzz of the alcohol coursing through your system, “i was just gonna talk to you about that - jennie said i was being a ghosting b because you only said facts and i got like, offended without a reason but i agree that people can be wrong sometimes and that was her time... i just...” you shrug, “i just didn’t want to text you back so i didn’t,” you look at him with a new found familiarity, “anyways, how was your week?”

by the end of it, jeongguk’s nodding and poorly suppressing his smirk.

“well, let me start first,” you begin before he can even say anything, listing down the happenings in a chronological order which may or may have not confirmed his initial assumption on why you’re here alone “...i mean, was it my fault though? between you and me, i think jennie and i need to sit down and actually talk about accountabilities first, you know? but anyway, that’s how my week went! how about you, how was your week?”

to say that your turmoil of a week is anything close to a laugh-worthy joke, would be a lie but for some reason, trickles of laughter are escaping jeongguk’s lips and into the night air as he leans back, holding his stomach. he would’ve hit the ground if you’d poke him.

“wow,” you slowly nod, “that’s... that’s very... flattering that you think my somewhat a quarter life crisis is amusing,” a grin stretches across your face but your eyes drill holes into the boy’s skull, “maybe i should just quit uni altogether. that’d be... exciting, right? just... quit uni and live a life as a comedian because look at how much i’m cracking you up right now!”

and it goes on for another minute of jeongguk’s laughter filling the air as you threaten him to stop in the guise of encouragement besides the cracking of the branches as it gets swallowed up by the fire in the barrel not too far away from where everyone’s scattered.

“god,” when he’s finally reduced to chuckles and wiping invisible tears off the corner of his eyes, you’re about halfway done with your bottle.

“and he’s back,” you announce, “welcome back. can’t say i missed you though but glad that you’re back with us.”

but before jeongguk can get a word out about his own week which you’d asked, if only to be polite, hoseok is already summoning everyone to gather around the barrel as he raises a bottle in the air to - “new groupship and friends!”

or so you think he said.

you’re not too sure because you’re too busy demanding jeongguk to - “uncuff me right now, jeon - was that too pushy? let me try again,” you pause, clearing your throat, “can you please, please, please, uncuff me so i can go back to my friends and not have to stay here a minute longer?”

“don’t act like you don’t enjoy my company,” he offers you one of his self-assured smirks before addressing your concern, “i’m trying,” he says simply, free hand patting around the pocket on the side of his jeans before groping his own ass.

“um, maybe try harder?” you suggest, smiling sweetly but it downturns into a frown not even a minute later when he declares, “i can’t find it.”

“you... can’t find it?” you echo his words.

“it’s not on me,” he states.

“well, did seulgi give it to you at all or...” you trail off only to be met by a devious smirk which doesn’t exactly help his case.

“guess you’re stuck with me,” he shrugs ever so easily.

“oh, hell nah,” and that’s when you latch onto to smirking boy’s body - on your hands at least, and since his left hand and your right hand are cuffed together, it doesn’t allow much room for your physical inspection which is how using your only free hand to get to the side of his pocket that’s farthest from you - may appear suspicious to others.

you only notice that you’re fully facing jeongguk and having your back turned to everyone else when hoseok’s voice cuts through the air, “yo hold up, hold up, hold up - this is bonfire and chill, not netflix and chill.”

your jaws hurt from hanging a bit too low as you meet each and everyone’s eyes, their giggling and laughing already telling enough of what the majority thinks - everyone except jimin, that is.

but you’re a bit too preoccupied with trying to clear the supposed air of you and jeongguk getting it on in the middle of the forest with both your friends and his around, “aha,” you force out, “i know this,” free hand waving between the chain linking your wrists and the open air which isn’t helping your case because jeongguk’s poor attempt at subduing his smirk is well, poor, “might look sus to you but it isn’t - jeongguk lost the key and if someone could help us find it, it’d-”

“oh, don’t worry, i have a spare at home,” seulgi chirps up, hand waving her illuminated phone, “i’ll text my girlfriend to bring it here.”

well, that explains the fluffy cuffs.

“sick,” jeongguk nods over to the girl to which she holds up an ‘okay’ sign and a meaningful smile to him which shouldn’t be ominous but is.

so you fix him a stare when hoseok goes to say something along the line of ‘great’ and ‘lifesaver’ to seulgi.

which the boy only asks back with a “what?”

“i have something to say but i’m not gonna so i’m just gonna keep quiet but just know that i’m watching you,” but the warning doesn’t exactly bring out the intimidating aspect that you hoped for.

“watch all you want, i’m yours for tonight,” the velvety sound of his chuckles is awfully distracting because you don’t even notice the chain clinking until his fingers interlock yours before he brings them up in the air - as if to emphasize on the technicality of his titillating claim.

the night goes on with bottles of beers scattering over the ground, faint smoke dissipating into the air as the scent of something sweet and fruity wafts around whilst the juul gets passed around.

once in a while someone’s laugh echoes between the gaps of the trees and into the night, amidst the sound of woodland creatures. you’ve downed one and a half bottle of henny whilst jeongguk doesn’t seem to have gone past even half of his first bottle. but he’s chuckling and laughing at something someone said which, for the most part, is funny or warrant a jaw-dropping, pin-drop-silence kind of reaction just like now as seulgi confesses to-

“never have i ever slept with my mom’s boyfriend at 19.”

“and that’s on mommy issues,” you hold up a beer in a ‘cheers’ manner at her whilst she mimics your action before you both tilt your head up and take a chug out of your individual beers at the same time.

“what about you?” jeongguk asks and for a moment, you forget that there are people around because jeongguk’s eyes look like someone reached up the sky and handpicked two stars each for his irises and trap them in there like a class case.

but you’d like to believe it’s the alcohol doing its rightful work in your system because you’re back on the ground with an unrelenting itch on your ankle where it’s brushing against the blades of grass.

“yea, what’s your never-have-i-ever mommy issues edition?” kai speaks up.

“nah, it’s wack,” you wave a dismissive hand but end up agreeing to spill the beans when a bout of protest spreads across your ever so faithful audience.

“okay, okay, never have i ever fucked my biological mom’s husband who isn’t my dad,” you say which earns a bout of cheers and ‘that’s messed up’s before seokjin claps his hands together.

“never have i ever...” he pauses, grinning as an added suspense before he goes on, “fucked my brother’s boyfriend.”

the game doesn’t last for long when everyone collectively agree to take the atmosphere up a notch and play strip truth or dare. but before your turn came, seulgi announces her girlfriend’s arrival concurrently with her having to leave for the night because she’s her ride home. and because you and jeongguk are both of the same mind that you’re the ones that should be following after her to get yourselves uncuffed, you do just that. 

yeri is a sweetheart and matches seulgi’s playful yet reserved nature. they take the cuffs with them and seulgi waves you two goodbye with the same, meaningful smile directed to jeongguk - but if that’s not enough, the ‘good luck’ thumbs up is a screaming red button for you.

but before you can even call him out for his possible hand in convincing his dance friends to invite jimin’s and consequently you to the forest after the match - he beats you to it.

“you okay?” this time, his features are lacking the smirk.

“yea, why wouldn’t i be?” you say, hopping on the rail of the train track that’ll lead to the spot where the others are - so far, you’re doing a good job not falling to your demise.

“i don’t know,” the scraping sound of his soul kicking against the pebbly ground fills the air as he walks next to you, hands in his pocket, “you’ve been pretty quiet after that thing about your mom.”

“you think what i did was messed up?” you inquire, resisting the urge to steal a glance at him to see what kind of emotion he’s making - whether it’s contorted with disgust or whether his nose is crinkling at an attempt to appear unbothered or whether there really isn’t any judgments being passed and he’s just downcasting his eyes because he’s looking out for possible sharp objects protruding from the ground.

“everyone’s a little messed up,” his shoulderline shakes as he shrugs, “it’s the why behind it that counts.”

“nah,” your hair tickles your face as you shake your head in blatant refutation, “i didn’t have a reason.”

and just when you expect a disgusted scoff to erupt from jeongguk’s pink lips... it doesn’t.

“that works too.”

silence follows his words for the longest moment with you trying placing one foot in front of the other, pretending like teetering on that tightrope you’re stuck on with kim taehyung at the end of it, not even waiting for you but just happen to be there.

so you break the silence, “i finally found her last year - flew all the way to jeju  because my biological aunt saw my the post i put up on facebook in a last ditch attempt before i hire a private investigator like my dads suggested. she set us up to meet,” the picture of a woman who’s so similar yet dissimilar to you flashes at the back of your head, a biscoff cheesecake slice lying untouched on the table and someone screaming at the top of their lungs right in front of your ears, “my biological mom didn’t know anything about it, flipped out and told me to never bother her again so i looked up where her husband worked and slept with him and sent the video to her.”

jeongguk doesn’t say anything, only nodding in your periphery before a soothing kind of silence lapses between you.

“what’s your story?” you ask a moment later.

“hm?” he glances at you, the moonlight shining over that smirk that you’ve come to miss in the course of the five minutes it went missing, skin painted a creamy white.

“if you don’t wanna tell, that’s fine too but like, you basically tore down my walls and i’m naked as hell - figuratively -” you add as soon as his eyes light up, “right now.” 

but then he tries to bargain, “promise you’ll text me back and i’ll tell.”

and you try to teeter in the grey area between words and its meanings, ���alright, promise... i won’t leave you on read.”

“nah, you gotta promise to text back,” his half curls sway as he shakes his head - your end of the bargain not sufficiently satisfying.

it’s a few moments after your surrendering, “you know what? keep your skeletons in your closet - i’m good,” that he finally says something.

“i used to do tracks, lucked out with a sports scholarship but by freshman year in college, realized i didn’t even like tracks and dropped out...”

jeongguk’s parents weren’t happy about it - didn’t exactly welcome him when he came back with a suitcase and a letter from his unversity claiming the outstanding balance of his first two semesters. but he wasn’t happy at home either. 

so he packed his bags one more time and took the first train to seoul where he worked part time at a restaurant and occasionally at the dance off’s, before he found the beyond the scene people and subsequently found dance. that was amidst of a developer of the game he was playing approaching him through the game’s chat server and offering him a job to test out their games with the condition that he gets a degree in computer science which they paid for on the company’s scholarship fund.

and so it was obvious that jeon jeongguk, wherever he chooses to go and stop at, blooms like a wildflower that strives in any condition thrown in his face whether it be a storm, a hurricane or a sunny weather that barely allows any rain to cover the soil he’s rooted in.

and because he’s true to himself, it isn’t as unbelievable, when almost everyone - from every layer of backgrounds, flock around him like honeybees in spring - allured, magnified and bewitched by jeon jeongguk that makes him... well, him.

to say you understand him a little bit better may be an overstatement but maybe you’re less suspicious of his keen intuition and uncanny prognosis of what happened in your relationships, both with your friend and your not-so-friendly crush.

jeongguk jests that his leg “doesn’t work like it used to but-” - he’s been to places. seen people.

“so why are you obsessed with me?” you question into the night in a light hearted joke, “i mean, i can possibly see why because well, i’m... me and i’m amazing but you know, it’s not healthy to be this obsessed with people.”

his chuckles sounds like wind chimes on a spring day, "besides the fact that i was too busy being a tracks nerd for most of my life so i have zero flirting skills and decided to make all the calls that seem to irritate the one person i want to get to know? it’s because you looked like you were head over heels with the guy you were putting in place but still managed to not make it personal.”

it takes a moment for you to digest what he just said, and even then, you’re nodding in complete disagreement as you blurt out, “pretty sure some parts were personal,” and you turn to him with a smile stretched over your face, “but glad that you don’t think i’m the impostor.”

so you stop twenty steps away from where you can see the fire in the barrel and hoshi, one of the guys from bulletproof boys, standing in boxers and shouting an oath before gulping down a bottle of henny at an alarming rate.

“everyone’s a little sus now and then,” he refutes, nose crinkling as a grin spread across his moon-kissed features as he offers you his hand and you take it, hopping off your tightrope journey and onto grounding earth.

x

when morning comes, you wake up to the familiar but not-very-welcomed sound of cars honking from outside your window and the light piercing through your eyelids, so much so, you surrender to the start of the day. arms stretched over your head and a guttural sound vibrating within your chest as a sign of protest before your vision finally gets used to the bright sunny rays.

and that’s when you freeze. arms stretched and all.

“after all this, you can’t say no to a date with me,” jeon jeongguk is lying right next to you, in your one-person bed which you could never imagine would fit more than your need-for-maximum-space self when you sleep but there he is, in yesterday’s clothes, hugging your light pink alpaca plushie on his stomach whilst his elbow which you don’t notice before is poking into your rib.

the events of last night untangle in a web of hazed memory coming to high definition as each passing second pass by.

you and jimin live on the opposite ends of the city which made you reluctant in having kai drive you back at all, so jeongguk offered to split the uber bills with you because apparently, “oh, hey, we live in the same area!”

which later turned out you didn’t and it would’ve made more sense for him to hitch a ride with kai and jimin. but you didn’t even need to ask why he did what he did.

because by the time you and jeongguk returned, it’d been a set-in-stones assumption that you were off making out somewhere under a tree and everyone cheered you and him for it upon your return.

well, except jimin.

so you pulled jeongguk to the side once the attention was directed to hoseok whose dare was to lick the grass he was stepping on.

“is that thing about jimin liking me true because he’s been like, avoiding my eyes the whole night and now he’s acting like i don’t exist and i’m pretty concerned because his friend is my ride home,” you whispered underneath your beath.

jeongguk threw one, confirming glance at the aforementioned man before nodding casually, “he’s jealous as fuck because he thinks we did the do - cross my heart and hope to die.”

so you ended up offering jeongguk to sleep in your bed because it was already late and it felt like a waste to spend another thirty bucks to go back to a place where nobody was waiting for him anyway.

you were so beat, you’d fallen asleep as soon as jeongguk pulled your protesting self off the futon-splayed floor and held you captive in your own bed.

“you know what? i might as well,” you say, legs thrown off the bed and stretching some more before looking down at the smiling, plushie-holding, grown ass person in your bed, “now we need to figure out how to sneak you out because this is a girls-only dorm and if they found out i have a guy over, i might get expelled.”

but before you can even start brainstorming the best possible route for jeongguk to sneak out without being detected, an obnoxious rapping reverberates against your door. the look of pure horror settling in as jeongguk’s smile melts into a wide-eyed, panicked face would have been adorable if you’re not in the middle of shoving him into your “quick, in the closest!” which he needs to hunch his shoulders to become as small as possible before you can close it whilst you yelp out a “just a minute!”

by the time you manage to school a smile on your face, jennie’s is already sprinkled with a dust of red as her brows come together, judging your choice of outfit and the events that went down last night.

“hey, girl,” you drag out the first word in idle panic, body leaning against the doorframe a little too defensively, “what’s...” you can’t even find the right words as you tap your fingers against the doorframe before finally saying, “what’s good?”

but one questioning look from her and you’re stepping out of the way, left to stand at attention like a cadet in the presence of the general whilst said general struts into your room and scans it once before turning to you.

“’what’s good?’” jennie echoes and you know from the way her head does the slightest of movements according to her enunciation, “imagine seeing your best friend on some mutual friend’s snapchat story which mind you, said mutual friend isn’t anywhere close to either of you and the time in the snap says a big whooping 4:03 am while you’re here feeling bad for hurting her feelings with your words words. but does she feel bad? well, it doesn’t flipping look like she even gave any thoughts about you, did it?”

and that’s when the closet decides that it’s had enough of storing a full grown human in its belly and slowly, but surely swings the door open with thunderous creak in the midst of the calm before the storm. and lo and behold, a jeon jeongguk, still hugging your alpaca tightly, keeping his eyes closed as if it’ll make him invisible before he gradually screws one eye open to the sight of a raging but confused  jennie kim and a mortified you turning to said girl.

so much for keeping skeletons in closets.

“i-i can explain.”

x

it turns out all it takes for jennie’s anger to subside is for her to find a boy in your room. namely the boy she’s been blatantly shipping you with even though you barely knew each other then.

“i have a wig in my room,” she suggests after you’ve exhausted all options - jeongguk can’t climb through the window and jump down from the second floor.

“well, he can but there’s no guarantee he’ll be able to leave without one of his limbs intact,” you’d added, shrugging.

he’s sitting crossed leg on your bed, alpaca in his lap and looking cute as hell as his eyes go round at the mention of a wig and five minutes prior, crossdressing.  the plan is for you and jennie will walk him out once he’s all dresed up like you’re just three - well, one is kind of buffed up but still pretty - best friends who had a girls’ night and crashed in your room.

he whistles lowly, head lulling to the side as he stares at the door before turning to you with a playful smile, “i’ve always wanted to wear a skirt.”

and so it goes, jennie kim’s squealing and making a short trip to her room and returning with a bag full of wig, stretchable sweaters and lycra skirts whilst she scours through your closet for clothes that you have but don’t even remember. the oversized sweater that’s a few more inches too big for you wraps around his body tightly and the skirt is a tad bit too short for him, going down to a few inches above the knee. but the head turner is the way the curly brown wig gracefully frames his face and softens his jawline, giving an illusion of how his half-ringlet would have looked if he grew them out.

you apply the soft pink lipgloss on his already rosy lips as a joke in a guise of a final touch, heart skipping as his lips curl whilst he gazes at you the whole time you’re putting on the glimmering liquid.

“okay, i feel bad,” you confess, shoulder line falling, “i thought you’d hate the lipgloss and i was going say it’s important to make the look work if you said no but you’re not saying no and you’re looking at me like you’d trust me with your life...” a sigh rolls off your lips at the end of it.

“you feel bad?” he echoes, glossed lips looking kissable as hell - it doesn’t even matter that he’s smirking like it was part of his plan all along to manipulate your conscience into confessing your ulterior motive.

so you nod.

“good,” he states simply.

“you saying good like you’re satisfied that you managed to pick on my guilty conscience is making me feel less guilty,” you narrow your eyes, not even bothering to hide the smile creeping on your lips.

“oh my god, my ship is sailing!” jennie’s whispered squeal cuts through the air before she reverts to her deadpanned self, “okay but seriously, if you’re done sprinkling sugar cubes all over the place, i think we should get jeongguk out before miss snitchery sonyeon next door sniffs the man in jeongguk and snitch on us.”

sonyeon has been known for reporting 2 boy-sneaking activities that went on last year which would have been justified if the girls that brought the boys into their room was doing questionable things and loudly at that but the first incident was with a late enrolled newbie that just moved in and didn’t know that boys weren’t allowed inside and though the other girl did sneak her boyfriend in, it was only because he was bleeding profusely and needed first aid treatment which she stored in her room.

you’re just about a few feet away from the double doors when a familiar but disembodied voice drums in your ears.

“you three, stop right there.”

you think your heart stops working for the briefest moment as time freezes and you’re craning your head to look at jennie whose fear-stricken face mimics yours and then jeongguk whom you don’t expect to wear such ceases in his forehead.

so you do the one thing that you think of-

“run.” you whisper.

all of a sudden, the wind is in your face and a few heads turn your way - but you doubt that it has more to do with how unfairly gorgeous jeongguk looks than the fact that the ra is on your tail, her pitched demands for ‘someone stop them!’ whilst. you’re not sure if someone did try to chase after you or if the adrenaline pumping in your system is what helps you sprint faster than a cheetah but when you finally slow down, almost skidding to a stop on the grass somewhere on campus grounds instead of the dormitory area - it’s because jennie is dramatically breathing through her mouth and found herself a bench to put on an act of dying whale.

“you guys... go on... leave me be...” she croaks out in between breaths, hand reaching out to the air.

“dude, tell me if you’re gonna stop so we can stop and get caught together,” you guff, plopping down, your state no better than jennie’s while jeongguk shakes his head at the two of you.

not even a beat of sweat or heaved breathing coming from him - not to mention that-

“how are you the fastest-” you suck in a much needed breath, “-when your leg doesn’t work as good anymore?”

“yea, didn’t say i can’t run,” he grins.

“jen, let’s go,” you say, tapping the dying whale on her shoulder as she starts wailing words of saddened goodbyes.

“forsake me! save yourselves!” she wheezes, staring into nothingness before waving a dismissive hand, “no for real, i don’t think they’re gonna chase us all the way here. you guys go, i have a date anyway, i’ll text kim,” it’s the name you coined for namjoon whenever you talk about him in public, “to pick me up here.”

a year ago, you would have called her a brave fool for having her boyfriend slash professor that’s teaching at the same university - pick her up in plain sight. but once you saw the unfamiliar ferrari roll to a stop in front of the dorms with tinted black windows, you understand why they can be as free and uncaring as they are.

“you sure? what if they saw you here?” you question, needles of doubt still deeply pierced into your racing heart.

but when she looks at you with arched brows and a familiar couldn’t-care-less attitude, you know nothing you say can change her mind which helps ease the knots in your stomach by a lot.

so you cave in, waving her goodbye - but not before the scarring ‘we still need to talk though’ reminder - and going back to the tall, brown haired person who’s holding his left hand midair and wiggling his fingers about in what you think is a parodic depiction of how girls wave at each other while mouthing a nasally, higher-pitched “thank you so much for helping us.” 

one minute into the walk, you stop in front of the cafe you’re used to having lunch at with your group of 4 - if there’s even any group left after this, “so this kim guy - he’s way older isn’t he?” 

“if you’re all knowing, you wouldn’t end that sentence with a question,” you assert, “so i’m not gonna say anything.”

“that’s a yes then,” he nods. 

“i think we lost them,” you say, a tad too late but pretend to look around anyway like you’re not 200% sure of that fact.

to any outsiders, you’ll probably look like two girls standing three feet apart from each other, looking out in a distance.

“nice,” jeongguk nods, joining in your scouting party before he squints his eyes at something in the most casual manner before suggesting, “so... you wanna go on a date?”

x

“you think we lost them?” you whisper under your breath, worry filling your chest as you throw your gaze over somewhere at the end of the alleyway where flashes of red and blue lights passed by.

but before the black cladded boy can say anything, his lips smack together as he and you both press yourselves flat to the wall as the sound of radio static bounces into the narrow space you’ve found yourselves in. six months after your first date, which involves a crossdressing jeongguk and a day at a park that had you returning to the dorm with a giant teddy bear and a strip of photo you took from the booth comprising the multiple personalities embodied in one person from sassy to stare-into-the camera-intimidating face to him looking down and shyly peeking through his pushed back curls - you’ve gone on multiple other dates.

none of which can be considered normal because you’ll always end up in a sticky situation like you are now.

on your second month, you found out that jeon jeongguk not only has a stable  income for literally playing games while trying to balance out his education but he also paints and draws.

on your third month, you go on your first mural-painting-in-the-middle-of-the-night-dressed-as-robbers date to which ended pretty well with the two of you getting hungry and having ramen at a 24 hour convenience store. so the mural painting becomes a monthly routine.

jimin finds out about it somewhere down the line and broke out into the most heartwarming smile while teasing you about how “the singles lost another one,” as he shook his head in dismay. but things went back to normal for the most parts. taehyung talks to you more now. he apologized for having only treated you like someone useful to him when he needed something and found that you have more in common than you think.

like how you’re decently informed about the greatest artists of all time - all because jeongguk was telling you about them whilst you chill at his place on days you don’t feel like going out but still want to spend time together. jeongguk, later found out that his supply of artistic information was what led to you and taehyung’s improving friendship and offers to become your spokesperson by having you invite taehyung to a cafe so he can pour his abundance of knowledge in the fine arts of painting - “since he’s so interested in van gogh, you know what i mean?”

he even finished it with a tilt of his head and an sassy ‘ugh.”

“i think we gotta run,” jeongguk’s declarations doesn’t have you arching your eyebrows and looking at him in an ‘are you for real?’ kind of manner.

it could be because you’re so used to running from law enforcement now.

or maybe because jeongguk showed you the world through his eyes. doesn’t mean it’s any less terrifying - the thought of being caught and shoved behind the bars whilst they included it in your records. but hey, at least, you’re no strangers to handcuffs.

“on one,” you say and he nods, hand squeezing yours as if saying i’ll never let them get you.

“three,” you begin, eyes fixed on the stars in jeongguk’s gaze, “two,” jeongguk breathes in deeply, “one.”

run.

x

note. i hope you guys enjoyed reading!! and if you want anything similar to this kind of style, i have one more college au. the second part of that one is my pinned post which also has a link to the first part. if you’re curious why i’m not gonna link or name it is because i’m convinced that tumblr literally makes anything that’s linked or mentioned it blocked for some reason idk.

but anyways, thank you for reading!!

[ask-alaska-and-hawaii]

TV Tropes: Alaska

Acting Your Intellectual Age: He has the looks of a first-grader but the mind of a seasoned mountaineer and has no interest in connecting with children that look his age. However, this could just be because he has no interest in connecting with anyone outside his ‘pack’ after what happened last time.

Adorkable: Has his moments, such as when he’s gushing about dogs. He really loves dogs.

The Alcoholic: Being Alaska, Alaska has a love for the sauce, especially salmon vodka. This usually leads him to pass out by the end. 

Animal Motif: Dogs and wolves obviously. Specifically Alaskan Malamutes and Siberian Huskies for the former and Arctic Wolves for the latter.

Badass Bookworm: Loves to read but is a natural survivalist and gunslinger.

Berserk Button: For your safety, do not mention Russia or Texas within ten feet of him. Also, don’t call him small.

Big Brother Instinct: To Hawaii and by extension the other states if they are threatened as he does genuinely care about all of them even if they do think he’s rather odd.

Big Brother Mentor: Also to Hawaii by sharing his experiences to teach her that the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. She, however, hasn’t taken on his nihilism and still believes in the best in people.

Big Eater: Given that he smokes marijuana, is a state, and is stress eater this is no big shocker.

Blue-and-Orange Morality: Being raised by wolves, Alaska has a mindset closer to animals than humans. For one Alaska, cares nothing for morality besides protecting his ‘pack’ (America and the other states) and judges things like disloyalty and irresponsibility far more harshly than someone being outright malicious. He also thinks that politicians need to start fighting to the death for their position. Literally. (This also could just be because he just hates politicians since they often lie to gain people’s favor)

Broken Bird: After so many years of tragedy and isolation, Alaska is understandably rather cynical.

Break the Cutie: See ‘Dark and Troubled Past’.

Brooding Boy, Gentle Girl: A platonic version but he is the brooding boy to Hawaii’s gentle girl. 

Brutal Honesty: Everyone agrees that Alaska is probably the most honest of the states, however, his honesty is usually extremely impolite to which he just says ‘I say the truth, it’s their fault if they can’t accept’.

Byronic Hero: Alaska is snarky, stoic, stubborn, excessively cynical but is passionate about his beliefs and has a soft spot for the environment and its creatures.

Celibate Hero: While not asexual, he has little interest in ever having sex and it’s not just because he looks six.

Color Motif: White and gray.

Comically Serious: He does not understand jokes so he will often take these at face value.  

Crazy-Prepared: Winter’s in his state are intense, so he leaves nothing to chance. 

Dark and Troubled Past: Imagine being locked into the form of a baby, abandoned by the people who were supposed to love and protect you, find a new family in wolves only for them to be killed leaving you to survive on your own while looking a like a toddler. When you finally found someone they also die leaving you to want to curl up and die and then be adopted again but seen as odd by your adopted siblings. Yeah, Alaska having depression and anxiety makes a lot of sense.

Deadpan Snarker: Usually this, especially when at states meeting or when he’s answering asks.

Defrosting Ice Queen: Alaska is not an easy person to get along with and can be extremely rude and sarcastic especially to ask blogs that star Texas, however, it is possible for him to warm up to some people outside his family like Dave (@alaska-ask-blog-aph) or at the very least learns the ability to bite his tongue.

Emotionless Boy: Most of the time, he is extremely stoic due to the fact that when he does express emotion, he can come off as rather intense.

Everyone Has Standards: He has a strange morality, however he is openly disgusted by ‘people’ who would rip away children’s innocence.

Foil: To Hawaii. They are both disconnected states and the child of a Native mother and Caucasian parent with trauma happening to them at very young ages which caused them to act the way they do, with Alaska being very stern and no-nonsense while Hawaii is energetic and enjoys making people smile.

Friendless Background: Because of his inability to relate to children his physical age and his autism causing him panic attacks whenever he is in close proximity to others, he has very few friends other than Hawaii. 

Friend to All Children: Zigzagged. He doesn’t connect with older children very well but he does have a soft spot for toddlers and babies and even makes an attempt to be openly kind to them. He also considers the worst people the ones who would purposefully steal their innocence and wouldn’t hesitate to pull his gun on such people.

Friend to All Living Things: Hey, I said humans, I never said anything about animals but yes he does love animals particularly dogs, wolves, and eagles.

Good is Not Nice: Not nice is an understatement. He has a strange moral code, is rather rude to new people, and mainly keeps to himself but if someone dares and tries to hurt his little sister or anyone in his family, they better start running.

Guilt Complex: Blames himself for what happened to his crush.

Hates Being Touched: The only one who he will willingly let touch him, much less hug him, is Hawaii. Other than not, hands-off.

Hates Their Parent: Openly refers to Russia as ‘a sperm donor’. And that’s when he’s being nice.

The Hermit: Lives like this whenever he’s at home in his state.  

Hidden Depths: 

Instead of hockey as one would think, he enjoys figure skating and is actually pretty good.

Not shown on the blog, yet but he actually enjoys the company of toddlers like Nunavut as they are far less complicated than people who are older.

He also enjoys writing and even creates stories in his free time. He also uses it along with his personal journal as a form of therapy for himself.

Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Brother/Sister version. Alaska is the huge guy to Hawaii’s tiny girl, especially once they’re older where he’ll be at 5′11 to 6′0 to Hawaii’s 5′3. Justified as Alaska is one-fifth the size of the lower 48 and is larger than Montana, California, Texas COMBINED.

Human Mom, Non-Human Dad: While his biological father is Russia, his mother was a normal Yup'ik woman named Uki.  

Hypocrite: Alaska calls Russia a ‘cruel, crazy manchild’  when he openly calls for the deaths of anyone who betrays their country. He also wants Hawaii to seek help when he resists any for him.

Hypocrite has a Point: To be fair, being lenient with traitors is a recipe for disaster for this country.

Ice Queen: He’s a rather cold and rude person but still a nice guy underneath.

Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Cynical, rude, stubborn are all words that would accurately describe him but also family-orientated, protective, and generous when he needs to be.

Knight in Sour Armor: He does see the world as a cold and dark and is a self-proclaimed misanthrope but still does his best to protect his family and people.

Meaningful Name: Alaska’s name Inuit name, ‘Nukilik’, means ‘strong’ and given everything, he’s gone through and still living to see today, no one can say he isn’t strong. As for his European name of ‘Peter’ meaning ‘stone’ and he is stone-faced and it’s also a nice reference to Peter the Great of Russia.

Mixed Ancestry: He’s half-Slavic, half-Inuit. 

Nature Lover: Growing up most of his life in the forests of Alaska, it makes sense the woods are where he’s most comfortable especially among the animals there. He is also disgusted by hunters who hunt merely for the game and not because they need it.

Not Good with People: Type 2. My beloved grumpy boy is unsurprisingly not good with people as he can’t understand their feelings or why he offended him. However, he is good at reading the feelings of animals and emphasizes more with them.

No Social Skills: Justified due to both his upbringing. He also is very indifferent to having them at the end of the day.

Older Than They Look: Being a state this a given. However where he differs, since he was born in 1800, he’s actually older than most states but since he was basically deserted by Russia he was never given the ability to grow.

Only Sane Man: Certainly sees himself as this among the other states as he feels that they play bloated, bureaucratic politics far too much instead of working together to help their father.

The Pessimist: Alaska physically can’t bring himself to hope in the best in people since all he’s seen was the worst in people since he was young when everyone he loved just ditched him or died. 

Raised by Wolves: Played completely straight. After his mother’s tribe abandoned him in the woods an Alpha She-Wolf who had just lost her pups adopted Alaska.

Socially Awkward Hero: Alaska can scale mountains, survive massive earthquakes, and survive on his own for years. However, the ability to interact with humans or even other anthropics is the hard part.

Strong Family Resemblance: Besides his dark skin, black hair, and eye shape, Alaska is basically a younger version of Russia. This has gotten him into quite a bit of trouble like when he was accused of being a communist during the McCarthy era due to his Russian heritage and Belarus has tried to kidnap him on more than one occasion.

Sugar-and-Ice Personality: In spite of cold, loner nature and dislike for society in general, Alaska at his core is a genuinely familial, protective person who just wants to take care of those he cares about. This is best showcased in his relationship with Hawaii, who might be the only person he openly gives affection to and he did go as Elsa twice just to make her happy even if it was embarrassing for him.

Trauma Conga Line: Abandoned, seen as a threat, had his pack murdered, only person he ended up caring about dying, and nearly froze to almost-death. All when he looked 2. Someone get this boy a therapists.

Used to Be a Sweet Kid: When he was young, Alaska was a sweet and gentle boy, even while living with his wolf pack. However, due to the many tragedies in his life, he has become extremely bitter and cynical towards the world.

When She Smiles: Has given a few in some comics and chats. He even admits that the main reason he loves Hawaii (as a sister) is that she is one of the few people who can make him give a genuine smile.

[icequeenjules26]

Maybe you don’t really want me here

 Summary: Dan and Phil have been broken up for months, and Dan is over it, he really is! It's just that maybe he possibly isn't over Phil after all...

Word Count: 2,3k

Tags: Angst with a happy ending (but not really tbh)

A/n: My fic written for the @phandomficfests Shuffle mode! I got the Song Why am i like this by Orla Gartland and decided to take the lines maybe you don’t really want me there at your birthday party i’ll be there in the corner, thinking right over every single word of the conversation we just had And do something with it! It's entirely different from the way I usually write, so I really hope you guys like it!  Beta’d by the princess @mateusz1912

Read on AO3

This story begins like so many stories do these days - jumping in on the hero in an astonishingly uncomfortable situation. Not that Dan would consider himself a hero, per se. But sometimes, during those late-night session where sleep is nothing but a distinct memory that somehow somewhere had probably played a vital role in his life, he finds himself relating to those gag-worthy postcard sayings of worldly wisdom that under normal circumstances would never even reach him. And those usually say that humans are the heroes of their own story.

 Which, generally, is not a bad advice in life. And to a certain degree, Dan even agrees - he doesn’t believe in this big, looming, almighty entity that somehow always pushes all lifes into the direction they want them to. So yes, he does think that the most important presence determining the outcome of his life is himself. But the rest of it - this encouraging, motivational undertone - just rubs him the wrong way. Because life is nothing but a series of disappointments, and then you die. Right?

 Once upon a time, he might have thought differently about it. He might have thought that yes, fighting is the way to go; that all those motivational quotes had a point and life deserved a chance of redemption, just like any good villian in a story did. But, just like most redemption arcs, it had failed spectacularly in terms of execution. Now Dan basically tags around out of spite. He wants to kick life in the butt with full force, just so he can say I did it. With nothing but myself.

 So, back to the uncomfortable situation we find our hero in. It’s a birthday party. Some of you might stop here, pause for a moment and think - wait. Birthday parties are not that bad. Even the introverts will probably conclude that astonishingly uncomfortable is nothing but a humorous exaggeration to drive the reader in faster. So, an elaboration seems to be in order.

 Obviously, it’s not just any birthday party. It’s not the one of his younger brother, who might be a stereotypical facebook vegan (with those ridiculously humourless vegan friends that take everything you say just a tad bit too serious); but still manages to forget all that when it comes to his birthday party and just drinks himself straight into oblivion - no matter if the alcoholic beverage he does it with is actually vegan or not. It’s not Christian’s, either, his best friend with slightly suicidal tendencies (at least if his heart rate inducing favorite activities are anything to go by; like motorcycles and dancing and bungee jumping - all three on the same level of ridiculous suicidalness, in Dan’s book) - even though he is only an ordinary adrenaline junky, or so he says.

 It’s not even one Christian simply dragged him along to, one where he doesn’t know anyone and just drinks until there’s nothing on his mind than to have fun with his best friend.

 No. It’s worse.

 Far worse.

 It’s the one of his ex boyfriend, Phil.

 Yes, most of you will say now, yes, that does qualify as astonishingly uncomfortable. And it is, at least for Dan, if only because they didn’t part on particularly good terms - but it gets even worse. He’s honestly only here for his best friend, who is something like the adoptive brother of the birthday boy. They do share a good relationship, yes; they love each other like real brothers. But, like in all stories, there is a big, fat BUT coming. Phil’s current girlfriend, Tara, a lively, bubbly girl who probably doesn’t even know about the web of contradictory feelings she is entangled in, is not only Christian’s secret ex, no. She’s also the girl he is still ruthlessly in love with.

 (If asked, Christian would just deny it. He’d argue back that Dan is just projecting, that the same goes for him and Phil. But that’s just calumny, nothing else.)

 For that reason, and that reason alone, Dan agreed to even attend to this party. Christian has the brotherly obligation to be here, obviously, even if they’re not related by blood; but Dan’s presence is tolerated at best, and he’s at least ninety percent certain Phil would have kicked him right back out the door if it wouldn’t have been for Christian bringing him. He’d seen the question in his eyes when he’d greeted them at the door, the raised eyebrow and the hesitating stance, like wait, what’s he doing here.

 They both knew Christian better than this. They both knew that he wouldn’t have brought Dan under normal circumstances, that there was something up with that. Dan is aware of the reason, has spend hours over hours with Christian agonizing over the what if’s. He can’t blame him, though, for the sole fairness of life; Christian had spend at least an equal amount of time with Dan whining over Phil, and he’s his brother. Dan, at least, has the added bonus that he didn’t know Tara particularly well. He liked her, sure, still does; in a sisterly way of wrap her in a blanket and never let her leave the den. She was cute, enthusiastic, happy; the light to Christian’s darkness, a darkness that Phil didn’t have in him and never would.

 Tara and Christian just - fit, in a way that Dan never even comprehended… In a way that Christian claims Phil fits with Dan. He’s not too sure of it, and he’s completely over Phil now. Entirely. (And it has nothing to do with the pit of darkness opening up in his stomach at the thought of losing Phil yet again, of going through a breakup at least equally as messy as the last one. He’s not scared. Dan Howell doesn’t even know the word scared. He thinks. Probably. Most definitely.)

 Phil knows something’s up, Dan can detect it in the way Phil’s eyes don’t leave him for longer than a few minutes through the whole night. It doesn’t surprise him too much; he had assumed Phil would be cautious, would watch him like a hawk and just wait for him to make a mistake, to reveal why he’s there with a few words mindlessly thrown into a conversation Phil isn’t even a part of.

 It was the intensity of his burning looks that hit Dan like a brick wall in the middle of a drive; that caught him off guard and completely ripped him of his focus. They lead him to complete uselessness in the emotional support department, even if Christian could obviously need it. He’s nervous, jumpy and anxious, he shifts every time someone moves and Dan can’t do much more than to sit next to him, offering physical comfort in little touches. Tara has eyes basically solemnly for Christian, and even if the most parts of his muddled mind are occupied with other matters he still notices and makes a mental note to tell Christian about it later,

when they’re not surrounded by people that would soak that information right up.

 So, instead of being helpful like he is supposed to Dan just sits in the corner, nursing a strong drink Christian mixed him right at the beginning, debating his current state of existence. It’s obvious that Phil maybe, probably, doesn’t even want him here, but he knows he can’t leave, for Christian’s sake; he is already at the edge of sanity with his best friend there as backup, Dan doesn’t even want to imagine the catastrophic repercussion his departure would probably cause.

 All that is left for him to do is pondering over every last thing Phil had ever said to him. He reviews their whole relationship, the breakup; aspects he hasn’t been able to think about for months. It sends him into a spiral, more and more scenes shoving themselves in front of his eyes until all he sees and feels and hears are flashbacks of and with Phil. Christian shakes him out of them approximately five seconds later, but to Dan it feels like eternity spend in his recollection of the past, and he downs the rest of his drink in one go when he snaps out of it.

 As we probably all know, alcohol has a habit of making people forget things, so the rest of the night is nothing but a blur to Dan. He thinks he slurs some hurt words to Phil three drinks into it, but he can’t be sure, he only remembers black hair; it could as well have been Christian, who doesn’t remember more either.

 The only thing this birthday party does for our hero is opening up wounds he’d long since assumed to be completely dissipated. He’s back to wallowing in some sort feelings synthesis, containing anguish and antagonism and a multiple of others he has no words for, and he doesn’t know how to get back to before everything fell apart all over again. Christian does his best to help, though, so he copes; only breaking down in tears once or twice or ten times.

 Time jumps are a vital part to every other story, so this one contains one, too; if only because the next weeks are basically insignificant. We join back to our hero a few months later, at the end of may; where his birthday is edging closer in significant steps and he slowly but surely runs out of ways to justify his moping.

 There’s a ring at the door that evening and it catches him entirely by surprise. Christian is still out, in rehearsals with the Royal Ballet, and even though Dan expects him back any minute now he knows it’s not him, simply because Christian has a key and hasn’t forgotten it once in his life. So, really, he doesn’t know who he expects it to be, but when he opens the door and Tara greets him with a smile he’s more than startled.

 He asks her in and offers tea, and when she agrees he spends the time he needs to prepare it with contemplating the purpose of her visit. He has no idea what she wants and it makes him anxious and fidgety, even though he knows she’s not a bad or insufferable person and he has nothing to fear from her.

 She beats around the bush for a few minutes, clearly uncomfortable, but when she finally spills the metaphorical tea (she doesn’t spill the real tea, thankfully), he’s glad she came to talk to him. She tells him about what’s been going on with her and Phil, that they finally called it quits this morning after basically living past each other for weeks; and his heart beats higher when she comes clear about her feelings towards Christian and Phil’s towards him. She tells him that, really, their relationship was mostly just a try to escape reality: the reality that they were both still in love with their exes. It’s an incredibly entangled situation they’re suddenly finding themselves in, but the solution seems to be too easy to be true.

 “I love Christian,” Tara says, looking Dan straight into the eyes, “and Phil loves you. It’s easy, really. All I want to know if those feelings are mutual.”

 It takes him a few seconds to wrap his head around everything, but when he does there’s a clarity in his mind that comes as much as a surprise as it does in handy. Truth is that he loves Phil and always had, and as much as he wished it did even the time he spent in denial won’t ever be able to change that; and Christian’s feelings for Tara aren’t even a real secret anymore.

 “I never stopped loving Phil,” he tells her in all honesty, “and Christian has accepted the fact that he’ll never love anyone as much as he loves you a long time ago.”

 When Christian stepps foot into the flat he’s immediately attacked by Tara, who’s kissing him senseless, while our hero already took off towards his happy ending.

 Maybe it’s bad form to spoil the ending - but really, who even thinks things could still go wrong at this point? Sure, it’s definitely too easy, the way their problems are resolving themselves in the end, but, really, Dan has spend enough time in agony and heartbreak to deserve it - a nice, easy way to happiness, no conflict or outright war; at least not anymore. It’ll probably come back to bite him in the ass later, a few years into their relationship, when one of them asks for a marriage the other one doesn’t feel ready for or at all entitled to; but right now that’s nothing to be concerned about.

 All that matters is that when Dan arrives at Phil’s place and bears his heart to him Phil is nothing if not empathetic, and when Dan takes the word love into his mouth there’s tears swimming in Phil’s eyes that almost break Dan down right then and there on Phil’s doorstep. It’s probably rushed and precipitated but none of them cares - and is it really when Dan has spend months waiting for this moment, hoping, praying to a god he doesn’t even believe in?

 When they kiss it’s like everything has come full circle. There’s metaphors and sayings shooting through Dan’s muddled brain that he would have called romanticised and hyperbolical just seconds ago but now seem nothing but wholesome and fitting; and he feels love and happiness rushing through his veins like a wildfire. He’s warm and content for the first time in months and life’s redemption arc suddenly doesn’t seem so failing anymore.

 When the group dynamics between all of them - Dan, Phil, Christian and Tara - fall into place just days afterwards Dan knows they all did the right thing, and suddenly he’s glad he had to suffer through this astonishingly uncomfortable situation. Because it all worked out in the end, and sometimes, things have to get worse before they can get better.

 (And if Dan has to retch at this motivational saying it just shows him that in the end, he’s still the same as he was before. Just a bit happier.)

[k-e-monroe]

I JUST LIKE LISTENING TO YOU TALK

Prompt Requested By Uri Kane (SoulCry)

“It is said, when one person saves the life of another, that person becomes responsible for the life that has been saved.  It is also said that a deep and strong bond is often formed between those involved in such near-death experiences and more often than not said bond is both life-changing and lasting.”  --Excerpt From A Reply Written By Kimber To Uri

Location: Honolulu, Hawaii

There is much to be said for the light in which a child shines, pure and radiant, and as natural as the sun tacked to a clear blue sky.  It’s both invigorating and refreshing to be around a child, especially one full with an ardor for life. It’s a shame how the world can be so callous and cruel thus forcing the harsh realities of life upon those chaste and innocent.  The corruption, whether slow or swift, a vile and wretched offense. No doubt, it’s an atrocity when one thinks on it. For Kimber, due to the circumstances of her birth and subsequent abandonment by her mother, having been thrown into the foster care system right from the start surely made for a rough and tough beginning in which she was forced to grow up fast.  Even after being adopted by her parents, a couple no less than loving and righteous, the damage had been done and there was no turning back for her.

The maturity acquired at such an early age didn’t hinder her as much as the fears and insecurities she garnered so early on, and even with this having an impact on her overall childhood, she honestly couldn’t complain about her life in the slightest.  Kimber had it better than most. Despite the impediments and lack of relatability to others her age whilst growing up, she managed to adjust and fit in well enough, but always felt like an outcast simply skirting the edge. It wasn’t until she got older and started babysitting for her neighbors that she realized she had a special affinity for children in general and the older she got, the stronger the affinity.  The energy and purity in which they radiate fed into the little bit of virtue she has managed to hold onto all her life--no matter hardship or tragedy. It also tapped into a side of her she was surprised to discover existed, the side gifted by God or whatever other higher power simply for being born a woman--her maternal instinct.

Truth? Kimber was just 21 when she realized one day she would love to be a mother, but with that self-awareness came a great deal of fear and trepidation.  How could she be a mother when her own biological mother was so quick to abandon her at birth? In her mind, for a woman to do that, she surely had to be damaged right down to her core.  What if she passed that onto Kimber? With all the other factors working against, one’s revolving around her origin and WHAT she is exactly, Kimber resolved herself to the opinion and thought that it would be for the best she not ever have children of her own.  Needless to say, this decision settled heavy upon her heart providing a constant pang and fear of a life unfulfilled. By the time she received her doctorate and started working at Horizon’s clinic and freelancing as a Psychologist, she had done well to bury these feelings deep and move on with her life with her career as her primary focus.

It’s odd just how things can change for a person.  How one thing can lead to another then another and another.  It’s like a domino effect. Unfortunate circumstance would lead her to this very point in time in her life--on a private beach in Honolulu in the presence of a little girl named Aniya Kane.  It’s in the presence of this child in particular that her heartstrings are plucked and the remnants of her buried maternal feelings and inclinations resurface. Who knew? Upon arrival Kimber was quick to settle in and take in the island city, basking in all it had to offer.  Life, it was improving for her during this much-needed vacation. However, after nearly a week spent Honolulu, things would certainly take a dramatic turn when a fun and relaxing day at the beach would give way to a near tragedy. As Kimber waded in the warm, frothy ocean, she caught sight of a little girl having been swept up by the current flailing to keep her head above the surface.  Quick to act, Kimber swam to help the child, but by the time she reached her, the ocean had swallowed her whole.

Kimber managed to get her out of the water and with instinct taking over, once on the beach gave the little girl CPR thus saving her life.  After her father Uri arrived, though the girl was then safe, sound and most importantly breathing, Kimber couldn’t bear to leave her side--at least not until a pediatrician checked her out, specifically for any remaining water left in her lungs.  All Kimber could think of was her welfare and the possibility of Secondary Drowning. Who knew it would lead to something so much more? Who knew it would be the one thing she needed in her life at this point in time? WHO KNEW? As Kimber walks along the sandy beach, the sun setting off in the horizon with glowing rays breaking across the cyan surface of the ocean and white-capped waves, she fondly watches as Aniya skips ahead, searching eagerly for seashells for Kimber to take back on her return to New York.  An inevitable outcome and end to this unexpected and eventful trip, and certainly one she isn’t quite ready to accept.

“KIMBER! KIMBER!” The five-year-old Aniya calls out whilst bouncing on the balls of her bare feet.  “LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND!!!” From a small distance, Kimber can see that in her tiny, frail hand she is holding up a large starfish and the smile curling along her pout widens as she picks up her pace, heading straight for her little friend.  

“I think we should call him… PATRICK!” Kimber states with confidence.

“PATRICK!” Aniya exclaims, face beaming as her attention turns back to the starfish and she promptly addresses it. “YOU are PATRICK.”

Chuckling softly, Kimber slips her arm around Aniya’s shoulders affectionately pulling her close as they make their way further down the beach, toward her home and back to her father Uri.  Along the way, Aniya makes up stories and grand tales of Patrick’s adventures at the bottom of the ocean and just how he found his way to the beach. Amusing and adorable, Kimber could listen to the child speak for hours on end, no matter how over the top her stories and fantastical her loosely woven tales.  It’s certainly better than a day spent with patients hearing their woes or sitting in a lecture on the new advancements in Psychological research. It’s odd though, especially when around Uri and Aniya both. From what little Uri has told Kimber about his daughter, more often than not, she is quiet and timid, embodied by her shy nature--a far cry from how she can be at times when with Kimber.  It’s NOT difficult to believe though in the contra, Kimber is well versed in such and it comes as NO surprise that Aniya has connected with her as much as Kimber has herself to the little the girl. Their recent experience demands it.

“Kiiiiiimber! Kiiiimber!” Aniya calls out whilst tugging at Kimber’s linen sundress.  Kimber, honestly caught up in the melody of Aniya’s voice and exuberance of her mood, didn’t quite catch the last thing she said oddly enough.

“Yes Aniya?”  She asks in a soft tone of voice.  

“Tell me a story about Patrick!” The child demands.  

Laughing she shakes her head.  “Right now, I want to HEAR your stories, luv.  They’re far better than mine.”

“WHYYYYY?” Aniya asks in an exaggerated manner.

“I just like listening to you talk.”  Kimber freely admits and with sincerity.  “YOU, lil’ one, tell the BEST stories.”  

“OOOOKAAAAY!” Aniya says, manner and tone once more exaggerated.  “But you gotta tell me a bedtime story tonight!”

Eyeing her with affectionate delight, Kimber nods. “Fair enough. You get one bedtime story.  Well, maybe two, but we will have to see.”  Reaching over, she playfully pinches Aniya’s button nose. The child squeaks and hands Kimber the starfish before hopping from her side in a mad dash toward her island home as it comes into view.  

Upon approach both Aniya and Kimber catch sight of a seemingly annoyed, possibly frustrated Uri standing at the grill on the deck, cooking whatever meat he has planned for their dinner.  It’s somewhat comical to Kimber that this brute, brooding and moody the majority of the time, is standing over a grill whilst wearing an apron and holding large tongs. His intense gaze peering down at the meat, just willing it to cook faster so he could be done with it.  Whatever the case, he is a sight for sore eyes and not simply because she is famished either. The bond she has formed with Aniya, in some ways bonded Kimber and Uri. She did save his daughter’s life and there is much to be said for that fact. Once near the deck and Uri sees them from his peripheral, Aniya picks up her pace and runs to greet her father, flinging herself against his bulky legs.  

“DADDY DADDY! We found a starfish and named it Patrick and I told Kimber stories and she is gonna tell me a bedtime story…and..” An excited Aniya can’t help ramble about their afternoon and all their adventures big and small.  “I just like listening to you talk.”  Kimber thinks silently to herself the words only spoken moments prior.  Once more, she finds herself laughing and as she climbs the stairs of the deck, she catches a glance from Uri.  The tortured soul within just melts away to one much more elated and hopeful in nature when in the presence of his daughter.  She is undoubtedly the light of his life and it’s one of the most precious things Kimber has witnessed. She can relate in some ways, being with Aniya has given her reason to re-evaluate certain things in her life, and truth be told, Kimber can’t recall a time she felt so content.  For a child to inspire such sentiment, a child not her own that she has only known for a short time, it’s miraculous. As Kimber and Uri exchange a glance, Kimber walks on over to father and daughter with starfish in hand. She holds it out to the man and smirks.

“Uri, meet the infamous and legendary PATRICK,” Kimber says, introducing the two for the first time whilst offering a nod of her dark crown. “Patrick, meet Uri.”  Kimber holds Patrick to her ear, her expression ambiguous as she pretends to hear the starfish speak.  All for Aniya’s benefit. “Uri, Patrick says it is a pleasure to meet ya!” The exchange, small and seemingly unimportant, sends Aniya into a fit of joyous giggles and Kimber can’t help follow in suit.  

[the-jade-cross]

A Thousand Years - Chapter 1

Turn it up!" Alice chirped from the back seat.

Emmett grumbled and turned the music up higher. He then turned his attention back to driving the jeep, trying to not run into any other cars that were pulling into the high school.

Alice began to bounce to the music, earning a grin from Jasper and a roll of the eyes from Rosalie. Just when the lyrics began to come in, Alice stopped and noticed that something seemed off. She noticed Edward sitting on the other side of Jasper, his face resting against his hand, his elbow resting on the sill of the window. He was staring out the window with his piercing golden eyes, a faraway look in his eyes.

'Edward?' she asked through her thoughts. 'you okay?'

Edward shook his head just enough for Alice to notice.

'Something on your mind?' she thought

Again another nod.

Alice pursed her lips in thought. How could she get a decent answer without him speaking?

'Something about school worrying you?'

This time Edward shrugged and Alice smiled. Of course, Emmett noticed when he looked in the rear view mirror and he rolled his eyes.

"If you two want to talk, you can do it aloud so we can all talk," he remarked.

Alice groaned and all eyes turned to her and then to Edward.

"Let me guess, something's on your mind," Rosalie remarked sarcastically.

Alice shot her a warning look before turning to her adopted brother, "Really Edward, what's wrong?"

Edward shrugged, "You guys are never nervous or anxious when starting back up in school...Because when you go in you already have someone at your side.... someone you know..."

"You know us," Alice pointed out but Edward shut up. His face darkened but only Emmett knew why.

"Hey Edward, sorry.... we didn't think of that," he whispered.

"Think of what?" Jasper whispered to Alice who seemed just as confused.

Rosalie seemed to catch on too and her face at once showed compassion, "Look Edward....I know you still haven't found your soulmate but maybe this year you'll be lucky. Maybe you'll finally meet her."

"After over a hundred years of searching?" Edward asked, losing his patience. "What would make this year different?"

Emmett sighed as he pulled into the parking lot. They knew that the conversation was done, even though it seemed to have ended in a stalemate.

Alice and Jasper climbed out one side door while Rose and Edward climbed out the other. Emmett of course climbed through the open roof of the jeep and jumped down, trying to not show off his vampire abilities to the world of humans.

Jasper grabbed their backpacks from the back of the jeep and tossed each to their respective owners. He had just tossed Rose her's when his eyes caught sight of something.

"Hey guys, does that car look familiar?" he inquired.

All eyes turned as a large family fifteen passenger van pulled into the parking lot. It was a dark blue family van with black tinted windows and large jeep size wheels. They couldn't make out anyone inside, not even the driver but they could faintly make out the shapes of people inside the van.

Suddenly, a small face squashed it's nose against the window and they could faintly make out a head full of bright red curly hair and piercing blue eyes. Jasper and Emmett both had a right mind to point out that the little girl who had pressed her nose to the window was incredibly attractive for a human when Rose beat her to it.

"I didn't think humans could be so beautiful," she whispered.

Edward and Alice shared knowing looks. The only time Rose complimented someone on their looks was if she was really close to them like family or if it was a child. However, they all had to admit that the red haired little girl was incredibly beautiful.

Even through the dark window of the van they could tell that her pale skin reflected the sun perfectly, her blue eyes were brighter than the sky and her perfectly shaped mouth was a deep ruby pink and her face perfectly shaped.

Suddenly, the car pulled up into an empty parking space and the five Cullens held their breath. They were glad that there were people walking from the parking lot to the school so that no one noticed them staring at the van.

The first door to open was the driver's and out stepped a tall man with jet black hair. There were few people who came within the same height as Emmett, Jasper and Edward who were the tallest of the Cullens but this man was without a doubt, at least as tall as Emmett who stood at least 6'5''.

He had the bluest eyes that the Cullens had ever seen but there was something about them that seemed otherworldly. While the little girl in the van had perfectly bright blue eyes, his almost seemed halfway between natural blue and unnatural blue. For a split second his eyes passed towards the Cullens and they were sure that they saw his eyes glimmer.... like stars.

His features were finely chiseled even under the neatly trimmed jet black beard that he had. His nose was straight and slightly long but it suited him. His face was slightly long with a sharp jaw, firm chin and stern brown. His height came mostly from his legs which were long for a human but not too long that he looked unbalanced.

His hands were firm and strong but what really caught the Cullens was his pale, untouched skin. While there were a few humans in the world who had perfectly features and practically untouched, perfect skin, none of them had the absolutely perfect proportions, features and fairness of vampires.... but this man did....

Jasper seemed to tense as the man walked around the front of the van to the side door. None of his siblings knew why except Edward who read his thoughts. Jasper had noted the outfit that the man was wearing which gave a sense of determination.... but also mystery. Edward found nothing suspicious about the man's outfit: dark blue jeans, black shoes, black t-shirt underneath a leather jacket.... however Edward knew that Jasper was experienced with all kinds of people.

He couldn't tell what really ticked Jasper off about the outfit but made a mental note to ask Jasper about it later. He turned his attention back to the man who had unlocked the van and had opened the large sliding door.

Every single one of the Cullens jolted either obscurely or inwardly at the sight that poured out of the van. The van was packed to the brim with kids and there was no doubting that they were related. Almost every single one of the kids had bright fire red hair except for three of the boys and one of the girl who had dark brown hair.

There was also no doubting that the man was their father for many of them shared his perfect, not to mention that every single one of them had perfect features, pale skin and piercing eyes. Most of them had his perfect blue eyes and while they were a natural bright sky blue... there was still something about them that seemed too perfect.

The first child to leap out of the car was the small girl who had pressed her nose to the window and Edward heard Rose suck in a breath. Now they could get a good look at the little girl who couldn't have been more than seven....and now in the light, it was evident that this girl was beyond beautiful.

The girl wrapped her arms around her father's neck with a bright smile, earning a chuckle from her father which surprised the Cullens. When they had first laid eyes on the man, their first impression was that he was a cold, hard man.... but that laugh was so bright and light hearted that all their first impressions disappeared... at least mostly.

"Why can't I go to high school daddy?" the girl inquired, putting on a pouty lip.

The man chuckled and kissed his daughter's cheek, "You're not old enough Nevaeh. In a few years. Dale, help your sisters get their backpacks from the back."

The boy, Dale, jumped out of the car and rushed to the back of the van to pull out his older siblings' backpacks. The boy looked to be about ten with the brightest red hair that the Cullens had ever seen which covered most of his forehead and his eyebrows. His eyes were bright blue and while his features still looked human, it was like every single one of the children was perfect.

Edward caught a sense of Rose's thoughts and looked at his adopted sister to see her squinting at the car. He read her thoughts and smirked, realizing that she was looking for the mother.

"Considering how otherworldly the kids look Rose," Edward remarked in a low voice, "I'm sure the mother is the same."

Rose rolled her eyes but nodded in agreement.

Just then, Jasper elbowed Edward and he turned his attention back to the van. Right then and there, Edward felt his whole world freeze. Seven of the children had filed out of the van. They were all teenagers, the oldest probably about Emmett's age and the youngest about thirteen if that.

The two oldest boys had dark brown hair and held striking resemblance to their father. the three youngest were girls and all looked like they could be triplets but they weren't. The twelve year old had straight red hair pulled up in a loose bun. The thirteen year old had wavy auburn hair and a rare eye color that they had never seen. it looked like she had shades of blue, amber and green all mixed together. The fourteen year old girl had golden wavy hair and truly was a beauty.

Above the three girls was a boy with bright blond hair, arching eyebrows like his father and firm lips and pointy nose. The only thing he didn't inherit from his father was the blond hair.

However, Edward hadn't taken any notice of them (Rose had of course). His eyes had fallen on one person and one person alone....the eldest girl. She was no doubt at least seventeen with long red hair that billowed about her pale shoulders and almost to her waist. Her eyes were so pale that for a moment, Edward thought they were pale blue or grey.... until he realized that both her eyes were different colors. While her right eye was a pale green, her left was a pale amber color.

Edward felt his eyes widen slightly and his mouth part as he took in every feature of the girl. Her pale skin was pale like her father's but still had a tint of color to it just like her siblings, making her seem human... but not quite human. Her eyebrows were thin but full of expression like her father. Her nose wasn't long and straight like her father's but petite and small but perfect. Her chin was slightly pointed and upturned just slightly with a dented upper lip. Her lips were perfectly shaped and not too full nor to thin nor were they too red or too pale.... but a perfect rosy, warm color.

As Edward took in the rest of her features, he felt his head spinning and his legs began to feel weak. She was of slender build and wasn't tall nor short but about Alice's age, probably exactly the same height. Her slender, long legs (which she got from her father) were garbed in slender black jeans and a pair of high brown leather boots with a slight heel. She wore a white tank top that brought out her perfect curves, slender waist and perfect sized upper body while over that she wore a matching leather jacket similar to her father's but hers was decorated on the sleeves with embroidered roses.

"Holy," Emmett whispered. "SHe's something."

Rose was too busy staring as well to box Emmett but even if she did, everyone knew that Emmett only had eyes for Rose but there was something about that girl that refused to let any of the Cullens look away.

They watched as the father reached over and hugged each of his children, shaking his sons' hands and kissing his daughters on the head before they headed off across the parking lot towards the school.

The father hustled the rest of the kids back into the van, closed the door and drove off. The CUllens had been so busy watching the teens that they didn't notice the van drive past them until Edward turned and his eyes caught sight of the man. He was looking in his direction.

The first thing that popped into Edward's mind was to read the man's mind....but he couldn't...the man's mind was blank.... it was like something was holding Edward back from reading his mind. he tried reading the minds of all the kids in the van....but all he got was a soft singing voice and the sound of whistling trees.....why couldn't he read their minds?

His eyes played on the man who was looking at him through the window. He was frustrated that he didn't know what the man was thinking when a smile appeared on the man's face and he turned, driving off. Edward felt annoyed. After not being able to read the man's mind, he didn't know if that smile was nice, mean, knowing or curious.... and it annoyed him.

"Edward!" Alice shouted just as Emmett clopped him on the head.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"You zoned you," Jasper remarked, "We were calling you and screaming our thoughts at you. What's up?

Edward shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't, "Nothing.... it's nothing...."

***************

The Cullen family split up to go to their separate classes. This ended in Emmett and Alice going to one classroom while Jasper, Edward and Rose headed to Chemistry. Edward had taken Biology the year before so to make sure no one was suspicious, he had taken Chemistry.

Rose and Jasper entered the room ahead of him but Edward froze the moment he closed the door behind him. The room was swimming with a scent that completely blew Edward away. It wasn't the smell of blood that usually met his nose. That scent was still there but it was drowned out by a soft, forest scent. It was soft and gentle like flowers and the breeze, not hard and firm like cedar wood and smoke.

Edward tried to not make it look like he was sniffing the air but he couldn't help it. He glanced at Jasper and Rose to see that they had also smelt it for their minds were swimming with it. Rose, however, having the strongest smelling of them all was the first to notice where the scent was coming from.

Edward moved his eyes to the front of the room where two unmistakably familiar teens were seated. It was the younger of the two boys and the eldest girl. The boy was smiling, whispering something to his sister who was beaming at what he said and trying to stifle a laugh.

Not realizing that he had been standing in the doorway for some time, Edward made his way over and sat down across the aisle from the two, a row back so he could watch the back of their heads without anyone noticing.

As he sat down, he tried to figure out what they were thinking but it was like there was a sound machine in their heads. He settled on the boy but all he heard was a soft purring, guttural purring sound like that of a large mammal... but the girl....all he could read was what sounded like a gentle wind chime somewhere in the distance.... the sound of trees waving in the wind...birds singing....squirrels chattering....why couldn't he read her thoughts?

"Hello Edward," a sickening voice said from his left.

Edward barely had to turn to know that the voice belonged to none other than Bella Swan. There was a time not long ago when Edward had found her attractive and her blood scent had almost intoxicated him. However, after getting to know her a bit and dating her for awhile, he soon discovered that Bella was nowhere near the person he needed in his life.

Edward had sensed almost every boy in Forks' obsession with Bella but after Bella discovered his secret, met his family and they managed to protect her from James. However, after a while, Edward started to realize that there was something about Bella that just screamed at him to stop. There had been a time where he had admitted to loving Bella but then when Bella began asking weird questions about his virginity, dating past and so on, he started to realize that Bella didnt love him for who he was... but what he was. He was a man, attractive and intoxicating and she wanted him... and that was something Edward didnt want. if he ever found someone to love, he wanted her to love him back.... not covet him.

"Hey," he remarked, turning his eyes back on the new kids.

Bella sat down next to him and after drawing out her school books, she pressed her thigh against his jeans in the hopes of getting his attention. Edward just scooted further away which earned a glare from the girl next to him.

When he had broken up with Bella, she had at first thought he was joking but after all the Cullens began to help Edward avoid Bella at school, she got the hint and began to hate all the Cullens after that, especially Alice who would give Edward a heads up whenever Bella would try to confront him.

Rose of course was the happiest when Edward broke up with Bella because she had hated Bella from the start.

Bella seemed to sense that Edward's attention wasn't on her at all and made it her mission to find out what his mind was on. it wasn't long before she realized that Edward was watching the two new students for whenever the girl got up from her desk to walk over and talk to her eldest brother who sat on the other side of the room, Edward's golden eyes followed her.

"WHat's got your pants in a twist?" Bella asked, placing her hand on his knee under the desk, "New kids annoying you?"

Edward shook his head and roughly pushed Bella's hand off his knee, "They intrigue me is all."

Bella rolled her eyes. When the new kids had pulled into the school, just like every other girl, she had drooled over the two eldest boys who of course were the cutest things ever. Bella even admitted to Jessica that both came within matching Edward for looks.

Even though this wasn't fair to her ex boyfriend, Edward could care less about who Bella was interested in now. Even hearing all the male thoughts (minus Emmett's) in the classroom raving about Bella didnt affect him in the slightest. On the contrary, he was glad that most of the boys were still raving about Bella because he had a new problem.

When some more boys entered the classroom, Edward recognized them as boys who had tried flirting with Bella her first year. Now, he held no loathing to them.... until he heard that their thoughts weren't on Bella....but on the new girl. Now, a cold hand clutched Edward's heart and he felt a deep fury. He had been angry when he had liked Bella and boys had thought about her....but this was nowhere near the same.... it was ten times worse and it was just two boys, not the whole school!

"I dont know why. They annoy me!" Bella remarked. She was glad that Edward couldn't hear her thoughts because at present, she was thinking about how her term 'they' was really mean to be 'her' because the girl was the only one who annoyed her while the boys of course intrigued her, "I ran into the girl in the hallway and she was chatting with those two boys who are apparently her brothers. They were raving about their mom having another baby. I mean, it was cute how her brothers were really excited but it made me sick how the girl seemed so excited."

"What's wrong with her mom having a baby?" Edward asked, "her family is obviously very into large healthy families."

"I know that," Bella snapped, "But then they started discussing names! Then her eldest brother asked what she would name the baby if it was hers and they began talking about how when they're married, they'll want to have a lot of kids too!"

"What is wrong with that?" Edward asked, still not seeing why that made Bella upset. In fact, it made him smile inside.

Bella rolled her eyes, "It's one thing to have a guy interesting in having kids because that's normal. Most guys want to have a kid of their own when they're married. But for girls, it's just sick!"

"Why is it sick?" Edward asked in a soft voice, still having his eyes on the new girl, "I would think it's the other way around. Most girls nowadays don't want kids or they just want to pleasure themselves and get pleasure if they are married or dating." He said giving her a pointed look.

"Because when you have kids, you're no longer the way you were before! Don't you notice how different women who haven't had kids are compared to women who have had kids?"

Edward shrugged, "They don't look as happy."

"Whatever," Bella remarked rolling her eyes, "There's no way I'm having children. I would never be the same."

Edward looked up long enough to spy the oldest new boy toss a perfect paper airplane to his sister who caught it deftly and unfolded it. Even though Edward couldn't hear her thoughts, he could see what was on the paper and it was a name suggestion: Renesmee Faith Vicasi or Roderick Quincy Vicasi?

Edward saw the girl turn and smile at her brother, her face showing one of agreement before she whispered it to her brother who sat next to her who seemed intrigued by the names as well. However, as their teacher came in and started class, Edward's mind drifted to the names on the paper. Vicasi.... their last name was Vicasi.

************

Edward stood next to the jeep, leaning against the hood with his hands in his hoodie pockets and his hood up, shadowing his face. Rose and Emmett were already in the car and Jasper had gone back to locate Alice who always found a reason to get distracted.

"I'll wager anything that those kids aren't humans," Rose remarked, "No human is that beautiful... well maybe one in a million but every single one of those kids is gorgeous, even the little ones."

"Maybe their mother is one of those one in a million beauties," Emmett suggested, "If they were vampires then we would know it. Besides, none of them had red, golden or even brown eyes. They almost all had blue."

"And they cannot be dogs," Edward hissed, spitting out the term for werewolves, "Their smell would be overwhelming."

"That's just the thing!" Rose cried, "They're beautiful enough to be vampires but they're almost human. However, they're the complete opposite of werewolves! They're beautiful, fair and they smell amazing but not in the blood thirst kind of way!"

Emmett nodded, "I barely noticed their blood scent and even though it smelt great, they just had a natural scent around them that just seemed to sooth me."

Rose pointed her finger at Emmett and smiled, glad that he agreed with her. However, Edward's mind had wandered to the figures that had appeared at the top steps of the school.

The Vicasi teens were all standing beside each other and Edward found himself mesmerized. The seven teens stood side by side with their shoulders almost touching, oldest to youngest. They looked like the perfect family with their matching shining eyes and perfect features and perfect hair. Edward noticed for the first time that the boys and the girls all matched. The boys wore dark blue jeans, blue sneakers and white t-shirts underneath unzipped leather jackets. The girls wore black skinny jeans, black ankle boots with a slight heel, pretty white blouses that gave the impression of breeze and spring.

"Yo Edward," Emmett said, clapping his brother on the back of the head, "Stop staring or you'll start drooling."

Rose snickered as Alice and Jasper approached. Alice looked like she was about to bounce out of her skin with excitement while Jasper had a contented smile on his face.

"What's your deal?" Rose inquired.

"Alice stopped by the library," Jasper explained, "we didn't have much time but we researched the Vicasi family. And guess what we saw before we had to leave?"

"What?"

Jasper didn't reply but looking over his shoulder, he jabbed his thumb at the figure who had appeared in the parking lot. All eyes turned and recognized the figure as the dark haired, blue eyed Mr. Vicasi. He strode towards the kids who all rushed over and hugged their dad who beamed at them.

As the kids began sprinting to their family van which was parked nearby the Cullens' Edward's eyes settled on the eldest girl. They were too far away for him to be able to hear their conversation but the girl seemed intrigued and curious while her father took on a rather surprised, but not entirely surprised look. He said something and smirked at his daughter before the girl skipped off towards the car.

Edward's eyes were trained on the girl when suddenly he felt his heart surge when the girl stumbled on the last step and went hurling towards the curb. Edward didn't know what came over him but he sprinted across the parking lot at vampire speed and caught the girl, using one arm to grab her waist and the other to wrap around her shoulders.

He held his arm on her waist till she managed to find her feet. Edward noticed with interest that the girl seemed light and almost bouncy on her feet like a young deer. She didn't walk heavy like some girls or click her feet but softly and almost on her toes like a ballet dancer.

"Thanks," the girl said as she stood up.

Edward watched the girl with wide eyes as she pushed her red hair out of her eyes and looked up at him. The sun reflected on her mix-matched eyes and Edward felt his breathing hitch.

"You're welcome," he whispered.

He felt a strong...almost too strong of a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Mr. Vicasi standing there, considering the boy with a smile on his face.

"Thanks for catching my daughter young man. You're rather fast."

The man held out his hand and Edward shook it, suddenly feeling his heart freeze at how cold Mr. Vicasi's hand was....and how strong his grip was. Edward never noticed if someone had a strong grip because of his enhanced strength....but this man's strength was at least equal to his.

"What's your name lad?"

"Edward sir," Edward replied, "Edward Cullen."

Mr. Vicasi's eyes widened a moment before he composed himself, "Cullen huh? Isnt your dad a doctor?"

Edward nodded, "That's right sir."

The man smiled and nodded, "Pleasure to meet you. Thank you again for coming to Kamber's aid."

'Kamber' Edward thought. So that was her name.

The girl smiled sweetly at him as he looked at her in wonder. He reminded her of an anime character from those shows that Alice would watch day and night. Her smile was perfect, her face perfectly shaped with a small pointed chin, perfect nose and fair face. Her eyes were big and alluring, making her seem even more beautiful and innocent.

"See you around," the girl chirped before skipping off after her father.

Edward watched them go and would have stood there till they drove out of the parking lot but Jasper appeared at his side and dragged him back to the jeep at a human pace. Once they were inside, Edward peered out the window to see that the large family Vicasi van was passing in front of them as they exited the lot.

Just as they passed, Edward focused his eyes on Mr. Vicasi and he could have sworn that the man looked at him out of the corner of his eye and smiled....

"What were you thinking?" Rose hissed, "You're lucky that no one noticed that you completely crossed the whole parking lot! Didn't you learn anything from when you did that with Bella?"

Everyone noted how Rose spat out Bella's name but ignored it.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered, "I just...did it. I didn't even think about it."

Rose flared, "Didn't think about it!? You're lucky that I like the family so much or I would hav your head for almost blowing our cover!"

"Easy Rose," Emmett remarked, "Lucky for all of us, Mr. Vicasi and Kamber were polite and just seemed to think that he was fast."

Edward had to admit he was surprised that neither seemed shocked, but what he didn't understand was what the deal was with Mr. Vicasi. He wasn't a vampire because his eyes were blue....but his hand was so cold....and his grip incredibly strong like a vampire's....but he couldn't read his mind...it was like the man wasn't thinking of anything!

"Edward?" Alice asked, "You zoned out. WHat's wrong?"

Edward shook his head, "Just thinking of something....it's nothing."

[almosteverythingelse-blog]

the classy life

Task:

“A clean slate!” Compose a piece of imaginative writing in which you imagine the new world for the protagonist Tom Ripley. You do not have to stay within Highsmith’s world. You will need to include a title. 1000 – 1500 words

Excerpt for your Imaginative Response (Excerpt is from The Talented Mr Ripley by Patricia Highsmith, 1955)

His mood was tranquil and benevolent, but not at all sociable. He wanted his time for thinking, and he did not care to meet any of the people on the ship, not any of them, though when he encountered the people with whom he sat at his table, he greeted them pleasantly and smiled. He began to play a role on the ship, that of a serious young man with a serious job ahead of him. He was courteous, poised, civilized and preoccupied. He had a sudden whim for a cap and bought one in the haberdashery, a conservative bluish-grey cap of soft English wool. He could pull it down over nearly his whole face when he wanted to nap in his deck-chair, or wanted to look as if he were napping. A cap was the most versatile of head-gears, he thought, and he wondered why he wondered why he had never thought of wearing one before. He could look like a country gentleman, a thug, an Englishman, a Frenchman, or a plain American eccentric, depending on how he wore it. Tom amused himself with it in his room in front of the mirror. He had always thought he had the world’s dullest face, a thoroughly forgettable face with a look of docility that he could not understand, and a look also of vague fright that he had never been able to erase. A real conformist’s face, he thought. The cap changed all that. It gave him a country air, Greenwich, Connecticut, country. Now he was a young man with a private income, not long out of Princeton, perhaps. He bought a pipe to go with the cap. He was starting a new life. Good-bye to all the second-rate people he had hung around and had let hang around him in the past three years in New York. He felt as he imagined immigrants felt when they left everything behind them in some foreign country, left their friends and relations and their past mistakes, and sailed for America. A clean slate! Whatever happened with Dickie, he would acquit himself well, and Mr Greenleaf would know that he had, and would respect him for it. When Mr Greenleaf’s money was used up, he might not come back to America. He might get an interesting job in a hotel, for instance, where they needed somebody bright and personable who spoke English. Or he might become a representative for some European firm and travel everywhere in the world. Or somebody might come along who needed a young man exactly like himself, who could drive a car, who was quick at figures, who could entertain an old grandmother or squire anybody’s daughter to a dance. He was versatile, and the world was wide! Upward and onward!

Response:

The classy life suited him well, he decided, fingers poised in a practiced manner on the handle of the teacup. At least, he hoped it looked practiced, he had spent all afternoon mastering the air of superiority that so many on the ship grown up with. He sipped the tea quietly, pretending not to immediately regret the decision as the scorching liquid burned a path down his throat. He hadn't realised that tea came in a form other than bitter and tepid. His only experience in the past came from the dregs in the cardboard cups he had salvaged from behind the café. He decided he liked it, downing another sip of the searing beverage. The poor boy from the alleyways of New York City didn't know how to drink tea of the upper class but his new persona was well-accustomed. He pulled his treasured cap down firm on his face mimicking the way he had seen others do.

He was so immersed in the creation of his new persona - a fearsome lawyer or a benevolent doctor, perhaps - he missed the signs of his own imminent kidnapping. When the men dressed in black took the table beside his, he simply made a mental note to buy something black himself, a dress suit to further assimilate himself with those of the upper-class. When the men cast furtive glances in his direction between their whispered conversation, he felt merely embarrassed, certain they'd seen him wince with his first sip of tea.

When the pair of hands grabbed his shoulders, he almost felt pride that his first thought was of the wrinkles he would have to get the ship's servants to iron out of his new jacket rather than the one of fear that had been bred into him after years as the street thief. But years of breeding don't go away overnight and the familiar emotion set in soon after.

Timothy Forrest, he had dubbed his new persona - a conservative name that associated itself with an image of a respectable businessman. The name became a mantra he ran over and over in his head as the thugs shovelled his head into a bag. Timothy Forrest was a man straight out of a private education with a future in economics or engineering or perhaps both. He was a man whose suave nature and lined pockets had the girl who lived down the road fight with her friends to win him over. Timothy Forrest was a man he quite liked and was anxious to become in his new world.

But when one of the men demanded his name, Timothy Forrest disappeared and it was all he could do to whisper a pathetic 'Tom Ripley' through the rough cotton over his head. When a muffled 'yeah, right' came as the reply he couldn't help but feeling offended. Despite his abandonment of his alter-ego, it was still denied - he might as well have lied and saved his dignity.

With every minute that passed, his future became bleaker lacking the promise that had previously entertained his daydreams. He could no longer guess if he was still on the ship. The soft lull of the waves became a noise he missed dearly and at times when he felt he could hear it once more, he had to dismiss the possibility as a figment of his imagination.

When the bag was finally pulled off his face he found no relief. The room was dark and his eyes were slow to adjust. The room bore the dank trademark stench of all things wet.

The men left with the promise of returning, placing a particularly mocking emphasis on the 'Mr. Ripley' that accompanied the door slamming shut behind them.

He couldn't help but feel slighted by the world. This was his clean slate - it seemed hardly fair to be ripped away so early in the adventure. Misfortune, it seemed, had quite the affinity for him.

He had gotten very accustomed to the luxuries of his life on the ship. Mr. Greenleaf had mentioned offhandedly once that their new life would be far superior. He found it hard to believe the older man despite his learnedness of the world. The ship was perhaps the peak of luxury he would ever experience, but it wasn't hard to top his previous lifestyle so he was confident of his satisfaction in his life after the boat. The rooms on the ships were large - he would have settled for something the quarter of the size. With large peepholes overlooking the waves that had adopted a constant shade that seemed so impossibly deep and blue, he wished for a camera to save the image forever.

His home had forever been filtered through shades of brown that had then been stripped of saturation. The closest he got to this kind of beauty was the stained red of the cola cans that the busker collected his money in.

The bed in the corner of his room on the ship could probably fit six of him in it. He had always looked down on those who owned beds so big. They took up space in the room that could have been filled with other useful amenities - and space was so valued in downtown New York. With one of his own, he felt a strange attachment. He had always been tall for age, arms and legs growing before the rest of him. It was a new and not unwelcome experience to be able to fit all of the lankiness within the bedframe. It was a comfort he would take with him to his new life, he had decided quickly.

Another attachment he had soon made was to the sense of being someone respectable. People looked at his clothes and didn't see what used to be tattered fabric or the bruises that stippled his skin. They saw the grey of the English wool and they saw the shine of his shoes and they smiled.

He wondered if he would ever see someone smile at him again. He wondered if he would see anything again. His eyes still hadn't adjusted.

The darkness of the room was another new amenity. His home had always been lit with the glow of the streetlights that lined the alleyways, blinds had been a superfluity that had never become a priority. The boat supplied lampshades that lit the room with a mosaic of colours and so he never felt it necessary to enjoy the comfort of darkness that his mother had so often complained of lacking before.

Time had never been something to keep track of. It was something he had assured Mr. Greenleaf that he would incorporate into his alter-ego. Every moment spent with the second-rates didn't feel like one to be celebrated and so time became a matter to ignore rather than notice. Consequently, he had no idea how long he had been detained. Days, perhaps, hours, maybe.

Despite the countless narratives of rescue he had managed to concoct in the time of his capture, salvation seemed improbable. He was coming to terms with the fact that perhaps his new life wasn't the one of high society and success that he had imagined but rather one of slavery and labour. His old situation had seemed unfortunate but he had realised that things could be worse. How fortunate that he be humbled through experience.

The door opened.

The light seeping through the cracked door was almost blinding, illuminating the room to be that of the boiler room of the ship. He had been on the ship all along. The shadow of pudgy man stretched into the small room, elongating his frame. He wore a cap low over his face concealing it almost entirely and a small spark of indignation rose up when he recognized it as one that he had bought earlier during his stay on the ship. Regardless, the fear was still very prevalent so he decided he wouldn't mention it.

The man - despite his stocky frame managed to easily pull him out of the room into the ship's familiar corridors. "Stanton, are you kidding me? It's the wrong guy!" The man reprimanded people he could only imagine to be the thugs that had previously kidnapped him. The admonition was followed by a string of colourful words. They had all but forgotten about him.

The experience hadn't shaken him as much as he'd expected it should have. He wondered briefly of the man he had been mistaken for, realising that his accidental identity theft meant he looked refined enough to be someone else on the ship. The small note gave him great pleasure and he celebrated the fact as he returned to his quarters on the ship.

The suit had been crumpled up like the newspapers he got back home, the grey of the material and suspicious stains from the boiler room only likening the appearance.

Timothy Forrest was not a tattered newspaper from New York that didn’t warrant a second glance. He was a hardcover book in which people who belonged on the ship would chat about over expensive wines - now equipped with a thrilling backstory in which he suffered a brutal kidnapping and barely escaped alive.

The experience, he felt, had hardened him into the persona he had concocted for himself. His docility seemed replaced with a certain hardness and his face - whilst still forgettable, seemed less conformist and more likened to someone with an opinion. The phrase 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' had been tossed around his neighbourhood as a joke - people who lived in the streets knew its falsehoods. However here on the ship with the civility of his kidnapping, he felt that the phrase resonated far more with those in this standard of living - his standard of living now.

He decided he would buy a new hat to celebrate it. The classy life suited him well indeed. 

[latoyarubalcava3546]

Moses Farrow Shares HIS Side Of Woody Allen Accusation, Claims Mother Mia Farrow Was The Real Child Abuser — And Dylan Responds!

Wow. This is quite a different story.

Woody Allen doesn't have many defenders these days, but one voice speaking out may carry a lot of weight -- someone who was there the day of the crime for which he's accused.

Moses Farrow, son of Woody and Mia Farrow, has only briefly spoken out about this in the past, but now he's written his own account online, one he says he hopes will dispel the "inaccurate and misleading attacks" on his father.

Photos: Stars Who Have Spoken Out Against — Or Defended — Working With Woody Allen!

He writes:

"I was present for everything that transpired in our house before, during, and after the alleged event. Now that the public hysteria of earlier this year has died down a little and I have some hope that the truth can get a fair hearing, I want to share my story."

Moses, who was 14 at the time, says Mia had warned him and his two younger siblings, Dylan and Satchel (whom you know these days as Ronan Farrow), not to let Woody out of their sight during that afternoon visit:

"She was understandably furious: seven months earlier she had learned that he was in an intimate relationship with my 21-year-old sister Soon-Yi, after discovering Polaroids of her in Woody's apartment. For months now, she had been drilling it into our heads like a mantra: Woody was "evil," "a monster," "the devil," and Soon-Yi was "dead to us." This was the constant refrain, whether or not Woody was around. (So often did she repeat it that Satchel would announce to one of our nannies, "My sister is fucking my father." He had just turned four.) My mother was our only source of information about Woody – and she was extremely convincing."

Moses says Mia actually said Woody was an "excellent father" until she found out about Soon-Yi, at which point "everything changed."

But he claims it was actually Mia's suggestion that Woody get to know her adult adopted daughter (not his relation in any legal or blood way, clarifies Moses) that brought them together:

"Woody and Soon-Yi rarely even spoke during her childhood. It was my mother who first suggested, when Soon-Yi was 20, that Woody reach out and spend time with her. He agreed and started taking her to Knicks games. That's how their romance started. Yes, it was unorthodox, uncomfortable, disruptive to our family and it hurt my mother terribly. But the relationship itself was not nearly as devastating to our family as my mother's insistence on making this betrayal the center of all our lives from then on."

But Moses goes on to claim there were issues before that relationship began.

He points not to Woody but to Mia as the alleged source of abuse!

Related: Javier Bardem Was 'Very Shocked By This Sudden Treatment' Of Woody Allen

In a brief history of the dysfunction in his family, he expounds:

"There were numerous alcohol-fueled arguments between her parents, and Mia told me that she was the victim of attempted molestation within her own family. Her brother, my uncle John, who visited us many times when we were young, is currently in prison on a conviction of multiple child molestation charges. (My mother has never publicly commented on this or expressed concern about his victims.) My uncle Patrick and his family would often come by, but those visits could end abruptly as Mia and Patrick would often wind up arguing. Patrick would commit suicide in 2009."

He also touches on Mia's unspoken earlier years:

"My mother, of course, had her own darkness. She married 50-year-old Frank Sinatra when she was only 21. After they divorced, she moved in to live with her close friend Dory Previn and her husband André. When my mother became pregnant by André, the Previns' marriage broke up, leading to Dory's institutionalization. It was never spoken of in our home, of course, and not even known to me until a few years ago. But, as I look at it – as a licensed therapist as well as an eyewitness – it's easy to see the seeds of dysfunction that would flourish within our own home."

All that serves as background to set up Moses' accusations of straight up child abuse against Mia!

He writes:

"I'm sure my mother had good intentions in adopting children with disabilities from the direst of circumstances, but the reality inside our walls was very different. It pains me to recall instances in which I witnessed siblings, some blind or physically disabled, dragged down a flight of stairs to be thrown into a bedroom or a closet, then having the door locked from the outside. She even shut my brother Thaddeus, paraplegic from polio, in an outdoor shed overnight as punishment for a minor transgression."

He says he wasn't spared either:

"Once, when I was given a new pair of jeans, I thought they would look cool if I cut off a couple of the belt loops. When Mia saw what I had done, she spanked me repeatedly and had me remove all my clothing, saying, "You're not deserving of any clothes" and making me stand naked in the corner of her room, in front of my older siblings who had just returned from dinner with their father André."

Moses says Soon-Yi got it most often:

"When Soon-Yi was young, Mia once threw a large porcelain centerpiece at her head. Luckily it missed, but the shattered pieces hit her legs. Years later, Mia beat her with a telephone receiver."

Moses' most shocking accusation comes next -- that Mia was the cause of his sister's Tam's suicide:

"Most media sources claim my sister Tam died of "heart failure" at the age of 21. In fact, Tam struggled with depression for much of her life, a situation exacerbated by my mother refusing to get her help, insisting that Tam was just "moody." One afternoon in 2000, after one final fight with Mia, which ended with my mother leaving the house, Tam committed suicide by overdosing on pills. My mother would tell others that the drug overdose was accidental, saying that Tam, who was blind, didn't know which pills she was taking. But Tam had both an ironclad memory and sense of spatial recognition. And, of course, blindness didn't impair her ability to count."

He says his brother Thaddeus witnessed the fight firsthand and told him about it -- before he also committed suicide two years ago.

This is all horrifying behavior if true.

Related: Woman Claims R. Kelly Sexually Assaulted Her & Gave Her Herpes In New Lawsuit

But the abuse Moses says he went through leads directly to his version of the accusations against Woody:

"Fighting back was not a viable option. One summer day, Mia accused me of leaving the curtains closed in the TV room. They had been drawn the day before when Dylan and Satchel were watching a movie. She insisted that I had closed them and left them that way. Her friend Casey had come over to visit and while they were in the kitchen, my mother insisted I had shut the curtains. At that point, I couldn't take it anymore and I lost it, yelling, "You're lying!" She shot me a look and took me into the bathroom next to the TV room. She hit me uncontrollably all over my body. She slapped me, pushed me backwards and hit me on my chest, shouting, "How dare you say I'm a liar in front of my friend. You're the pathological liar." I was defeated, deflated, beaten and beaten down. Mia had stripped me of my voice and my sense of self. It was clear that if I stepped even slightly outside her carefully crafted reality, she would not tolerate it. It was an upbringing that made me, paradoxically, both fiercely loyal and obedient to her, as well as deeply afraid."

Moses goes on to give his account of the afternoon -- and claims what Dylan now says couldn't possibly have happened:

"As the "man of the house" that day, I had promised to keep an eye out for any trouble, and I was doing just that. I remember where Woody sat in the TV room, and I can picture where Dylan and Satchel were. Not that everybody stayed glued to the same spot, but I deliberately made sure to note everyone's coming and going. I do remember that Woody would leave the room on occasion, but never with Dylan. He would wander into another room to make a phone call, read the paper, use the bathroom, or step outside to get some air and walk around the large pond on the property.

Along with five kids, there were three adults in the house, all of whom had been told for months what a monster Woody was. None of us would have allowed Dylan to step away with Woody, even if he tried. Casey's nanny, Alison, would later claim that she walked into the TV room and saw Woody kneeling on the floor with his head in Dylan's lap on the couch. Really? With all of us in there? And if she had witnessed that, why wouldn't she have said something immediately to our nanny Kristi? (I also remember some discussion of this act perhaps taking place on the staircase that led to Mia's room. Again, this would have been in full view of anyone who entered the living room, assuming Woody managed to walk off with Dylan in the first place.) The narrative had to be changed since the only place for anyone to commit an act of depravity in private would have been in a small crawl space off my mother's upstairs bedroom. By default, the attic became the scene of the alleged assault.

In her widely-circulated 2014 open letter in The New York Times, the adult Dylan suddenly seemed to remember every moment of the alleged assault, writing, "He told me to lay on my stomach and play with my brother's electric train set. Then he sexually assaulted me. He talked to me while he did it, whispering that I was a good girl, that this was our secret, promising that we'd go to Paris and I'd be a star in his movies. I remember staring at that toy train, focusing on it as it traveled in its circle around the attic. To this day, I find it difficult to look at toy trains."

It's a precise and compelling narrative, but there's a major problem: there was no electric train set in that attic. There was, in fact, no way for kids to play up there, even if we had wanted to. It was an unfinished crawl space, under a steeply-angled gabled roof, with exposed nails and floorboards, billows of fiberglass insulation, filled with mousetraps and droppings and stinking of mothballs, and crammed with trunks full of hand-me-down clothes and my mother's old wardrobes.

The idea that the space could possibly have accommodated a functioning electric train set, circling around the attic, is ridiculous. One of my brothers did have an elaborate model train set, but it was set up in the boys' room, a converted garage on the first floor. (Maybe that was the train set my sister thinks she remembers?) Now, whenever I hear Dylan making a public statement about what allegedly happened to her that day when she was barely seven, I can only think of that imaginary train set, which she never brought up during the original investigation or custody hearing. Did somebody suggest to the adult Dylan that such a specific detail would make her story more credible? Or does she really believe she remembers this train "circling around the attic" the same way she says she remembers Woody's whispered promises of trips to Paris and movie stardom (kind of odd enticements to offer a 7-year-old, rather than a new toy or a doll)? And all this apparently took place while those of us who promised to have our eyes trained on Woody were downstairs, seemingly oblivious to what was happening right above our heads?

Eventually, my mother returned with Casey and her newest adoptees, Tam and baby Isaiah. There were no complaints by the nannies, and nothing odd about Dylan's behavior. In fact, Woody and Mia went out to dinner that night. After dinner, they returned to Frog Hollow and Woody stayed over in a downstairs bedroom – with, apparently, no abnormal behavior by Dylan, and no negative reports from any of the grown-ups."

Moses' own theory based on what he witnessed is that Mia coached young Dylan until she didn't know what was true anymore -- a truly disturbing claim.

He also responds to the public perception that Woody has "gotten a pass" all these years, pointing out there was indeed a lengthy investigation -- one which cleared his father and fit his memory of his mother:

"At the time, of course, I knew nothing about the six-month criminal investigation conducted by the Child Sexual Abuse Clinic of the Yale/New Haven Hospital, ordered by the Connecticut state police. But since this allegation was renewed a few years ago, I've seen the results of that investigation. It specifically concluded that "Dylan was not abused by Mr. Allen," that her statements had a "rehearsed quality" and that they were "likely coached or influenced by her mother." Those conclusions perfectly match my own childhood experience: coaching, influencing, and rehearsing are three words that sum up exactly how my mother tried to raise us. I know that Dylan has recently referred to this brainwashing theory as "spin" by our father – but it was nothing of the sort. It was not only the conclusion reached by a state-ordered investigation, it was the reality of life in our household."

You can read Moses' full account HERE.

People reached out to Dylan for her response to her brother's side. In a statement, she calls it "an attempt to deflect from a credible allegation made by an adult woman, by trying to impugn my mother who has only ever been supportive of me and my siblings."

She says:

"It's easily disproven, contradicts years of his own statements, is beyond hurtful to me personally, and is part of a larger effort to discredit and distract from my assault," she continued. "My brother is a troubled person. I'm so sorry he's doing this."

Is Moses at all credible here? His story is so different from Dylan's! Could Mia Farrow really be guilty of abuse??

Let us know what you think in the comments (below)!

[Image via Dennis Van Tine/Future Image/Ivan Nikolov/WENN.]

[viralhottopics]

Why Beauty and the Beast isn’t the first Disney movie for LGBT audiences

The studio has promised fans its first exclusively gay moment in the live-action fairytale but that betrays a history of covert messages in its animated films

Its unprecedented for a major studio blockbuster, much less a family film, to pursue the LGBT audience. Gay viewers seeking mainstream self-identification in the cinema have usually had to settle for winking nuances and allusions, or at worst, the more oblivious homoeroticism of sundry Michael Bay-style brawnfests. No more, apparently: in an age when a film as overtly queer as Moonlight can win the establishment honour of a best picture Oscar, a corporation as large as Disney can also finally acknowledge the love that once dared not speak its name.

Well, sort of. A flurry of headlines ranging from the overly enthused to the overly outraged greeted Beauty and the Beast director Bill Condons announcement in Attitude magazine that the Mouse Houses live-action remake of their 1991 fairytale smash would boast the companys first exclusively gay moment. The more we heard about this supposedly startling breakthrough, however, the less encouraging it got. Historys first overtly gay Disney character, it turns out, is LeFou, unctuous manservant to preening, hyper-macho villain Gaston an underling who, in Condons words, on one day wants to be Gaston and on another day wants to kiss Gaston.

An obsequious servant who alternates between worshipping and hopelessly desiring his straight master? With a name that translates as madman and has also been used as a gay slur in French? In the reliably aggravating form of Josh Gad? Its not exactly the recognition that gay viewers have been waiting for, even if the finished film gives LeFou the most fleeting of hints at future romance with a kindred spirit.

Condon, a gay film-maker known for such intelligent queer investigations as Gods and Monsters and Kinsey, must realise that this is no giant leap forward for on-screen representation, though credit him for stoking the off-screen conversation on the subject. This week has also seen him advancing the theory, allegedly founded by the 1991 films late lyricist Howard Ashman, that the Beasts story functions as a metaphor for Aids: He was cursed and this curse had brought sorrow on all those people who loved him and maybe there was a chance for a miracle and a way for the curse to be lifted, Condon explains. The phrasing is wince-inducing its fair to say most people with Aids would prefer not to think of themselves as cursed, or indeed as beasts but its a bolder way to queer the material than working a comic-relief subplot around a secondary characters sexuality.

Exclusively gay is a curious turn of phrase, not least when appealing to a community for whom inclusivity has always been a higher priority. One presumes Condons implication is that LeFous desires are unambiguously homosexual, not that theyre identifiable or relatable exclusively to gay viewers. For Disney animation has a long history of LGBT coding, intended and otherwise, that makes Beauty and the Beasts more official gay gestures look rather colourless.

Disney may not have granted a gay identity to any of its characters prior to LeFou, but audiences have been doing so for decades. A quick graze of the internet will provide fan theories to feed any hunches youve long felt about the happy-go-lucky companionship of Timon and Pumbaa, and their effective adoption of baby Simba, in The Lion King or indeed the foppish villainy of the same films Scar, an alpha lion who has never found a mate in the pride. Same goes for Baloo, the nurturing, carefree single bear of The Jungle Book, or the coy, eyelash-batting male skunk who introduces himself to young fawn Bambi with the immortal words, You can call me Flower if you want to. A few playful Disney animators have even teased us with queer allusions of their own: the character design of Ursula, the vampy, spectacularly tentacled sea witch of The Little Mermaid, was famously modelled on superstar drag queen Divine.

Speculating in this manner can be superficial, stereotype-dependent fun but doesnt really get to the essentially queer heart of so many classic Disney narratives, in which socially isolated outsiders yearn either for acceptance or transcendence. Pinocchios dream of being a real boy is a journey of self-actualisation that has prompted many a metaphorical comparison to the coming-out process; the same goes for sweet, sensitive Dumbo, whose chief point of difference from the rest those enormous ears at first makes him a figure of fun for bullying peers, before it enables him to soar.

Photograph: Allstar/Disney

Its not just the boys, of course. Pocahontas and Beauty and the Beasts Belle are marked early on as different from the other girls. Ditto the Little Mermaids Ariel, whose desire not just to change her circumstances but change her physical form has made her an unlikely object of identification among some younger members of the transgender community a girl who believes herself literally born in the wrong body. (Her ballad Part of Your World, meanwhile, is something of an all-purpose anthem for LGBT not-belongers.)

Fairytale convention may have locked these rebellious women into wholly heterosexual romantic ambitions, but Disney excitingly strayed from that rulebook in 2013 with Frozen, its record-busting rewrite of The Snow Queen. In Elsa, Frozen gave us a magically touched heroine who requires no male partner to complete her self-realisation. Fleeing the community while she independently comes to terms with her difference, she belts out Let It Go, a now-ubiquitous tune that not only became an instant Disney standard, but launched a million queer readings for its celebratory revelation of a once-hidden identity: Conceal, dont feel/ Dont let them know/ well now they know the fears that once controlled me cant get to me at all.

The film didnt give Elsa a girlfriend following her arguable coming-out, though fans are clamoring for one to be introduced in the upcoming Frozen 2. But down to its same-sex twist on the hoary old true loves kiss trope yes, theyre sisters, but its refreshing to see the supposedly all-healing properties of straight love taken down a notch its a film fully alive to its queerest subtextual possibilities. That may not make it Disneys first exclusively gay narrative, whatever that exactly means. But if were at a watershed moment regarding open LGBT representation in the multiplex, the absurd, conservative figure of LeFou hardly deserves all the credit for the changes that lie ahead.

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from Why Beauty and the Beast isn’t the first Disney movie for LGBT audiences