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forasecondtherewedwon · 9 months ago

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Fic-Writer Interview

Not tagged but picked up from @mercurygray :)

How many works do you have on AO3?

261!

What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,762,015!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Affinity War (3182)

3 Simple Rules for Dating a Centenarian (2688)

The Great Madripoorian Snake Off (2245)

"Stare Enough" (1843)

Alright on Paper (1463)

Picture a t-shirt bearing the exhausted Ben Affleck smoking meme and the words, "I survived the MCU and so can you!" (My top 5 were written for Spider-Man and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.)

Do you respond to comments?

Respond and proceed to treasure forever.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

After poking around in my catalogue of fics, it's either one I wrote for Bodyguard, "Don't Ever Let Me Start," or "The Pretty Ones (Who Try to Kill You)" for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Most of what I write does have a happy ending. Hmm... Love Me Like You Drew (for Nancy Drew) and "Same Day, Different Jumpsuit" (the one and only Natasha/Mobius fic on AO3) are both near and dear to my heart.

Do you write crossovers?

Nope! I'm a real compartmentalizer.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes! So fun! It typically boils down to "I don't like the ship(s) and/or character(s) in this fic and am here to complain even though you tagged everything properly and I could have just scrolled past!" Fic hate is silly. I chuckle all the way to the "delete" button.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

*shakes smut variety pack* What kind ya lookin' for?

Click here for my E-rated fics on AO3.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep, I've had people post my fics on other platforms without my permission, thinking that as long as they added my username for "credit," it was all good 🙄

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not, by choice.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I'm an editor and an only child, so.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I've written for so many pairings (and a few trios), but Midge/Lenny from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel has an evergreen ability to set my heart aflutter.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Rude. Probably my Scream AU of Nancy Drew. I would love to write it, but I can't currently see going back and reacquainting myself with all the characters I'd planned to include.

What are your writing strengths?

I love writing humour, in dialogue or otherwise. Also descriptions packed with metaphor.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I. Hate. Plot. I'm here—on this planet, on the internet—to create atmosphere, not complex storylines.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Love it! Like @mercurygray, I speak some French and Italian, so those are the ones I tend to add if I'm going beyond English.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Gilmore Girls (specifically A Year in the Life), and I am ready to return to it TOMORROW if Amy Sherman-Palladino provokes me with more bad characterization.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Nothing comes to mind! With both ships and fandoms, I pretty much jump when I wanna jump. I'm also always open to hearing requests.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Oh! Oh! What a question! It's my baby, my Pride and Prejudice AU, For Now, We May Remain Silent. I wrote it with my copy of Austen open on my desk next to my laptop, going line by line. I worked on it while coping with the final illness and death of someone I loved very much, so a lot of love went into it, and I'm glad I have the fic as a reminder of that time.

From "Studio Tour," still my favourite chapter:

Here are her paintbrushes, disorganized and held in the loose grip of big, old coffee cans. The brushes rattle when Peter runs his finger over their handles, the faded red bristles spinning. A thick, flat brush with discoloured yellow bristles might be his favourite. Glancing over his shoulder, he furtively strokes the uneven hairs with his thumb. They all have this well-used quality that makes his chest clench confusingly. Michelle’s been living a whole life with these in her hand, he thinks, and I don’t know anything about it.

Tagging: Any and all fic-writers following me! Say I tagged ya!

#tag game #my writing

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narniadreams · 1 year ago

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i was tagged by the darling @trumpkinhotboy thank you thank you always!!

picrew

funfact! i did this picrew a long time ago before. check it! i decided to make my softer side today instead of the punk side i made last time. and the knife because i feel murderous :3c

15 questions

Name: celine

Age: 26

Favorite seasons: winter is my favourite, spring is a close second

Movies or tv shows? i am not a big fan of either, i just watch what i like, i don't have a preference

Do you carry a bag/purse? what kind? it depends on what i am bringing with me that day, but i usually go for a backpack. if i'm bringing my laptop i use a backpack from ikea, if i am not bringing much i take a small fluffy backpack that i think i got from aldi or lidl once haha

What color is your waterbottle? i have multiple, but the one i use the most is clear with a cartoon on it, ryan the lion. the cap is pastel blue.

What color is your phone case? it's also clear, but it has shiny, gold stars and planets on it!

Do you sleep in silence or do you need white noise/sounds/music? i used to sleep with music on, but in this past year or so i started to sleep without it. just silence. i can handle some white noise too (like a clock ticking) but there are definitely noises that will prevent me from sleeping well

Top sheets. Yes or no? ngl, i had to google what this meant. i don't use that, so no

You're in the candy aisle at the corner store, what are you grabbing? corner stores here don't have many vegan options haha, but i would go for read bean rice cakes or red bean bread, probably!

Preferred mode of travel (plane, train,car,bus,on foot): i loooooove walking

What's your phone background right now? a picture of my mom and i, we took it at a parking lot of a train station when i went back home for holiday earlier this year <3

Are you more of a minimalist or maximalist? maximalist for sure, i love trinkets!

It's time to paint your bedroom! What color are you choosing? a soft, pastel pink! (which truly is the colour of one wall in my bedroom)

And finally, tell me something that brings you joy: 1. that i got my film photos printed today and they turned out nicely, my mom really liked them too. 2. i also saw a girl in the subway station today, wearing a shirt that said 'i <3 making boys cry' which made me chuckle. 3. the kdrama that i am watching these days (and will probably finish tomorrow) called mask girl, i recommend it, it's really good! 4. that it's going to rain a lot this week so the weather will cool down a bit. 5. the song i am currently listening to on repeat, paddleboat breakup by ben folds, who i will see live THIS OCTOBER!!! *0*

tagging once again: @seunghyubtual and @thebaguettegal >:)

#i miss the days where i got tagged a bunch and i would tag a bunch of people.#idk tumblr doesn't feel as fun as it used to.#i think because many people left. ah. i'm sad about it...#but i am so happy to get tagged!!! xoxo #about me

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polarnacht1 · 2 years ago

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Now that I'm thinking about them what do you think of Ben Daniels/Alex or Wolf/Yassen?

As I had to look up who Ben Daniels is and what he really did (I have only read book one, half of book four and Russian Roulette) I don't have an opinion on him - so I don't ship it because I don't know him 😂 therefore my longer answer to Wolf/Yassen (I refer to show!Wolf only here, I really dislike book!Wolf)

I Ship It, but only very low key

What made you ship it? I think mainly @fredbassett1 fic Speed Dating got me to consider the ship. I picture them also bonding over caring for Alex

What are your favorite things about the ship? I like that they would be equals from the start, both ruthless when need be, probably also a bit ruthless against each other but over time growing soft(er). My favourite thing actually would be if they confessed their love for Alex to each other and then pursued a poly relationship with him (in a closed V relationship)

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? I don't think so, though probably the polyship with Alex is not everyone's cup of tea

thank you so much for the ask 💙

#answered asks #ship ask game #lastlymatt #Yassen x Wolf #yassen gregorovich #yassen gregorovich #wolf #yolf? wassen? 😆😂

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daniellew150 · 11 months ago

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Things of 2023, Part 1, Books.

I enjoyed sharing this last year, so trying to make it a tradition. Managed a few more books this year, and there are some I bought but didn’t have time to read, so I guess they will make it into next year’s list.

So let’s get into it.

Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman: Good Omens.

Not a new one, but quite possibly one of my favourite books of all time, I think this is the third copy I’ve owned over the years. It’s fun, dark, and the characterisation is just wonderful. I always enjoyed Newt’s journey of trying to find who he really is, but I think that is probably true of all the major characters.

The adaptation on Amazon was brilliant, and season 2 has set up the finale nicely, really looking forward to finding out what Terry and Neil came up with.

Ben Aaronovitch: Rivers of London and Moon Over Soho.

Rivers of London was a recommendation from a work friend, was a great call, part supernatural thriller, part police procedural. It’s got plenty of laughs, some proper scares. The main characters are superbly rounded and made me want to read the rest of the series. Managed book two, Moon Over Soho, and it follows on brilliantly. It has plenty of ongoing themes, but with a great new mystery (or two) to deal with. Will definitely be looking at the rest of the series (I think I have another 8 books to go!).

Hiron Ennes: Leech

Wasn’t sure if I should include this one as I haven’t finished it yet, but decided I would definitely have finished it by new year, so counts towards 2023. Very creepy and dark, with a bit of body horror but a really intriguing plot. Can’t wait to find out what happens.

Erin Morgenstern: The Night Circus.

This one didn’t make it into the picture as I’ve lent the book to someone. This was another recommendation and was mind blowing. A centuries long magical battle, which is also a love story. Not just between the protagonists, but people who they meet along the way. The description of the circus is so vivid that it really comes to life. If I get my copy back, this is one I will definitely read again and again.

Neil Gaiman: Sandman (book 1).

I’d obviously heard about this for years, and really enjoyed the Netflix series last year, so decided I should go look at the source material. Definitely worth it. Great stories and wonderful illustration. Another one where I will have to get the rest of the series at some point.

Robin Ince: Bibliomaniac.

I’ve read a few of Robin’s books now, and I love the narrative style. This one is a tour of Britain’s bookshops (the book tour for The Importance of Being Interested that I read last year). Couple of bits that really made me chuckle, one about my home town, quoting another author as “a dull spot which even drink can’t enliven much” . Another was Shakespeare themed pun shop names (a chiropodist called Two Gentlemen of Verruca for example).

Matt Parker: Humble Pi.

Another one that didn’t make the photo, I was lent this one, and have now returned it. This is right up my street, stories of maths and engineering and how they can cause problems if not used properly. Feels like a book version of the Well There’s Your Problem podcast.

Cariad Lloyd: You are not alone.

Feels reductive to call this a spin off from Cariad’s podcast, but that is definitely the starting point. A fantastic book on grief and grieving, interwoven with Cariad’s own story of her father’s death when she was a teenager. I found it so useful to process some of my own emotions around death of family members, but also other forms of grief (loss of relationships). This is an amazing resource, and remember the five steps of grief were never meant for the way they are used today.

Mattie Lubchansky: Boys Weekend.

I came across Mattie as a guest on various podcasts, and their cartoons on The Nib, so when Boys Weekend came out I ordered it immediately. A great graphic novel about navigating old friendships as a trans person, but also giving capitalism an absolute kicking. Loved it, and recently heard there will be a sequel in 2025.. stay tuned.

Julie McDowell: Attack Warning Red!

Another book from one of my favourite podcasts (Atomic Hobo). An amazingly well researched book on Civil Defence in Britain as it came out of the Second World War, and into the potential atomic horrors of the Cold War. A wonderful mix of whimsy and terrifying details.

Jake & Hannah Graf: Becoming Us.

I’ve read quite a few biographies of Trans people at this point, but this is two stories in one, with a proper happy ending. Reading two very different lives, but both with a common thread. A chance encounter leading to a wonderful family. It really is a book about hope.

Munroe Bergdorf: Transitional.

Another Trans life story, but with a really interesting twist, how life is change, and everything is a transitional state in many ways. Wonderfully written with again a huge amount of joy. So many of these books have changed the way I view myself and how I approach the world, this is another one that has moved my mindset again.

Garbage: This is the noise that keeps me awake.

A proper coffee table book. A lovely object, that charts the history of one of my favourite bands. Garbage mean a lot to me, they are one of the groups that helped me realise I could be myself. I love the inclusion of the band cocktail recipes.

James Hetfield: Messengers, The Guitars of James Hetfield.

As a Metallica fan, and a guitarist this is a fantastic book. Some band history, some truly fantastic photography and just some wonderful guitars. Will always love the ESP V with the Hot Rod flames, but seeing an authentic 1958 Gibson Explorer is brilliant.

#books #trans rights #guitars

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conhivemindcent · 1 year ago

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Hi, I also grew up with Steve Backshall on TV, and I thought I could help with British children’s TV.

There are two BBC children’s channels - CBeebies (which you’ve mentioned, it’s for younger children under 6) and CBBC (for 6-12 year olds). Deadly 60 was on CBBC and so was Iain Stirling (specifically I remember he did a show called The Dog Ate My Homework, which is essentially a children’s panel show themed around school. I enjoyed it as a 11-year-old though I doubt I’ll enjoy it as much now).

Deadly 60 had a game I used to love playing on the CBBC website where Steve was in Madagascar and had to climb around and take pictures of animals. I had a lot of fun but found the later stages really hard and I hated losing health by animals or falling. Helped to fuel my love of lemurs, and I will always be thankful for that.

I think a lot of this is before my time (I mostly watched CBBC in the mid 2010s). Noel Edmunds used to host Multi-Coloured Swap Shop in the 70s/80s on BBC1 (it wasn’t until 1985 that cbbc became its own block and 2002 until it became its own thing). Mr Blobby was from Noel’s House Party but I don’t think that was a kids show. And as a kid, I never really saw him. Or Basil Brush. I grew up with the puppets Hacker and Dodge T Dog. (Hacker Time was one of my favourite kids shows, again idk how well it holds up.)

Similarly, I never saw Richard Bacon on Blue Peter. I can’t remember who was on Blue Peter when I was a kid, but not him. Again, this was in the 90s, so I wasn’t even alive. Similar case with Rainbow - stopped airing in 1997 and I was a 2000s baby. I never saw any Ant and Dec children’s shows but they stopped doing kids shows in 2001. I first saw them when I watched Saturday Night Takeaway. Thankfully I never saw Savile either. If I remember correctly I would’ve been about 6 when he died and 7 when the expose came out. So I suppose that’s something good about being modern.

I don’t think Simon Amstell did anything kids related but again, I have a much more narrow scope of children’s television. He could’ve done everything in the 90s and I wouldn’t know.

Postman Pat I remember! Postman Pat and his black-and-white cat (Jesse). Always charming, but I never really remembered much of the episodes plots. So I can’t say whether he got bothered by dogs (though it could just be people making fun of dogs hating postmen). I liked the old stop-motion style, and looking at him now… oh why did they move him to cgi?

Peppa Pig… exists. It’s probably the most watched kids show and I really liked it as a kid but yea, it’s grating and annoying. An episode of it got banned in Australia; the Queen was in it and there was a walking talking potato. Also all the characters are alliterative but not George, Chloé or Alexander? Like in one episode they oppose the name Michael Rabbit but George Pig is ok with them? I don’t know if David Baddiel’s wife is in the show, but Grandpa Rabbit is Brian Blessed. Shame this is the one I recognise most about. But then again, the show has become a common laughing point not only in the Uk but also internationally with memes. The creators also made Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom which I believe is much better. Can be annoying and is for kids, but it’s much better.

There was also a game on the CBeebies website for Peppa Pig where you had to play against the adults to score in basketball. I had fun with it as a kid. Dead simple though.

I could probably share more about specifically 2010s children’s shows if you’d like to hear.

(Also unrelated to children’s shows but I watched it as a kid, Zoe Ball used to host the companion show to Strictly - It Takes Two and now has a breakfast show on radio 2)

I have literally never heard of any of the NYT 2024 contestants. Not just don’t know who they are, but I have absolutely never heard any of those names before in any capacity.

I realize that’s not that surprising, because I live in Canada. But I did think I had an okay grasp on people who are on UK TV. I acquired this grasp by watching a lot of their long- and short-running panel shows, and every time I heard a reference I didn’t get, I’d look it up so I’d know for next time.

I’m remembering last year at Just For Laughs, when I went to a club night called Brit-ish that was hosted by Tom Allen, and he referenced Mock the Week, and people cheered. He seemed surprised that the Canadian crowd knew about Mock the Week, which struck me as slightly condescending, thinking a bunch of people who had specifically shown up for a lineup of British comedians would not know about one of their extremely popular mainstream British comedy shows. But then Tom Allen said we might know that but we don’t know most British television, do we even know about The One Show?

I did, of course, know about The One Show. I know it as that thing where Jason Manford lost his job due to, in the delicate words of Frankie Boyle, having a wank in a hotel room. When Tom Allen asked that question, my mother even leaned over to me to whisper that she knew what The One Show was, because she’d watched a lot of WILTY and they’d had Alex Jones on (not – you know, not that Alex Jones, the Welsh one). My mom isn’t nearly as steeped in British television as I am, but even she had picked up on some of that. If you watch enough panel shows, you’re going to pick an understanding of British cultural references and TV personalities even outside of comedy. I know about lots of those. I certainly know about The One Show.

I do not, however, know who a single person on NYT 2024 is. That doesn’t mean they’ll be bad. Lots of people I’ve never heard of are very good at many things. I’m just saying, apparently I don’t know as much as I’d thought about people on British TV.

#con(versation)#british television

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tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine · 3 years ago

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Skyrim favourites Dreamcast: Bolgeir Bearclaw <-->Ben Willbond

"The Jarl has advised me not to talk about which court attendants I'd like to punch in the face. More's the pity."

He basically reminds me of Adam Kenyon from The Thick Of It, if Ben Willbond would've played Adam dressed as this Viking from Horrible Histories

#Skyrim #Bolgeir Bearclaw #Adam Kenyon #Ben Willbond #Horrible Histories #the thick of it #bolgeir is actually one of my favourites and I don't even know why #dreamcast #basically I just saw this picture and my brain went bolgeir?!0.o #damn you willbond #i am making the weirdest posts because he just sparks stuff in my brain that i want to express #also this is probably my favourite ben picture now

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that-gay-jedi · 2 years ago

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"Flaming Drake" by Qntal has been one of my favourite modern uses* of "Tom O' Bedlam" and/or "Mad Maudlin's Search" for a while but also drives me insane bc I think so many fuckin obikin thoughts every time I hear it nowadays. I picture a lot of it from the POV of Obi-Wan missing Anakin living in his depression cave becoming mad old hermit Kenobi. Just take a look at some of these:

By a knight of ghosts and shadows

I summoned am to tourney

Ten leagues beyond the wild world's end

Methinks it is no journey

TELL ME that wouldn't sound like Obi-Wan thinking about facing down Vader

I know more than Apollo

For oft when he lies sleeping

I see the stars at bloody wars

In the wounded welkin weeping

Insomniac, mad old Ben, who knows more than the sun god because he's up all night, seeing scenes from bloody star wars no one else is privy to?

* be warned if you're looking into other adaptations or the original text: the G-slur is used in two verses of the original, and a reference is made to Roma caricatures and stereotypes in one. They will not appear in this post, and are not used in "Flaming Drake"

The association has become so strong that I now also hear verses of the song that are not included in "Flaming Drake" through a vaderwan lens:

To find my Tom O' Bedlam

Ten thousand miles I'll travel

Mad Mad Maudlin goes on dirty toes

For to save her shoes from gravel

Vader, hunting Obi-Wan at the expense of all else, chasing him painfully on cybernetic legs

And then that I'll be murdering

The Man in the Moon to a powder

His staff I'll break, his dog I'll shake

And there'll howl no demon louder

Honestly sounds a lot like how Vader probably thought finding Obi-Wan again would go

I now reprent that ever

Poor Tom I so disdain-ed

My wits are lost since him I crossed

Which makes me thus go chain-ed

Vader again. His regret for Mustafar, his loss of his former self which he conceives as a loss of sanity (another verse describes losing one's faculties as to "wander from yourselves with Tom"), his new life as Palpatine's invisibly chained attack dog

I slept not since the Conquest,

Till then I never waked,

Till the roguish boy of love where I lay

Me found and stript me naked

Obi-Wan not having slept since Mustafar, having been "asleep" to the darkness that lurked within Anakin until then.

#obikin #vaderwan #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #darth vader #mad maudlin's search #tom o bedlam #this is exactly the kind of thing i mean when i say my brain smashes things together

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sanriosratz · 3 years ago

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Hiii!! Can I request Ben drowned and Nina comforting gn reader who’s cat passed away recently? My cat passed recently. and I think this would help make me feel netter!~hyper anon

hiya, my love! i’m so sorry for your loss, I know how hard losing a pet is <3 I hope these make you feel better!

as a general note, i don’t follow any canon so :P

Ben Drowned

I don’t think he’d be too great with dealing with others but they definitely try to be sympathetic/empathetic towards your situation. While he’s never had a pet die before he has had people close to him die before so he tries to relate to your situation. To make you feel better and less upset he’d invite you to play some video games or some cute wind-down games (‘cats & soup’ is an adorable game, i absolutely recommend it!) to help you take your mind off of your loss. May also compile any videos you have of your cat into a small adorable video that showcases your cat’s adorableness and lovingness. They make sure to remind you how much of a good life you gave your cat and how much your cat loved you.

Nina the Killer

She absolutely adores cats! She follows tons upon tons of cat owners on her socials and gets very upset whenever they pass despite not ever knowing them. She’s very empathetic towards you and offers tons of cuddles and general affection to help you grieve. She’ll probably get some photo frames to frame a few pictures of your cat so you can have something to remember them by. She lets you cry whenever you feel you need to and always offers a shoulder for you to cry on and afterwards makes you a nice cup of tea (or coffee!), your favourite/comfort food and turns on a sweet film to watch to take your mind off of everything.

All in all, she’s a great friend to have around and is so helpful and gentle with you as you grieve.

I hope these are okay! Your cat is probably resting on a very soft cloud (and making many biscuits) right now watching over you. Your cat absolutely loves and adores you despite the fact they can’t show it to you. <3

#creepypasta #nina the killer #nina hopkins #nina #ben drowned #benjamin lawman #ben #creepypasta & g/n reader #creepypasta x g/n reader #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta & reader #platonic pairing #pet death tw #ask #hyper anon

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massivedrickhead · 3 years ago

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Bechloe Week 2021 - Day 2

July 27th: Bed sharing/one bed

Read on AO3

Fun fact - everything I’ve written/will write for Bechloe week this year are all part of the same universe, but they won’t be posted in chronological order. So at the end of the week I’ll probably put something up with a list of the prompts in chronological order :)

Beca was pretty sure that sharing a bed with Chloe Beale was simultaneously the worst and best thing that had ever happened to her.

It was almost unbearable to be that close to her without being able to touch her in the way she really wanted to.

Strike that.

It was unbearable.

But Beca couldn’t sleep any other way.

On those occasions when Chloe would sleep elsewhere, Beca would find herself unable to drop off.

She’d be up most of the night tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable, unable to shut her mind off.

It was as if Chloe’s mere presence could calm Beca in a way that nothing else could.

And then they would have these moments of complete vulnerability late at night.

Chloe would reach out with a featherlight touch and run a hand through Beca’s hair. So gentle that sometimes Beca thought she was imagining it.

“Bec?”

“Hmm?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“M’kay.”

Beca would roll over, still practically asleep, and lift her arm, allowing Chloe to either scoot back into her - making Beca the big spoon - or for her to rest her head on her chest.

Beca was usually already asleep by the time Chloe had gotten into a comfortable position, but she always seemed to register the soft “thanks,” that Chloe would whisper.

On those nights when it was Beca’s turn to be comforted, Chloe seemed to always know without Beca having to ask.

Logically, Beca knew it was probably down to the fact that Beca tossed and turned more, or played on her phone for longer, that tipped Chloe off, but she liked to think that Chloe just… knew.

“What do you need?” Chloe would ask, her voice quiet and thick with sleep.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Can you do the hair thing?”

“Mhm.”

Chloe would then lie on her side and gently run her hands through Beca’s hair, her nails lightly scratching her scalp.

Her other hand would rest on Beca’s side or stomach - depending on if she was on her back or side - and her thumb would sweep gently back and forth.

In the daylight, neither would mention these moments. They’d usually wake up back on their respective sides, and if they didn’t whoever woke up first would pull away and climb out of bed - usually waking the other in the process.

And while these moments were nothing short of tortuous for Beca, they were still the favourite part of her day.

Because at two or three in the morning, nothing else matters. There are no distractions. No texts or emails to answer. No potential to be interrupted. Nowhere they needed to be.

They could just exist in the quiet together. Their bed was an island in the room. They could ask questions that, in the cold light of day, could be forgotten or ignored. They could share secrets or confess insecurities that neither would at any other time of day.

“Bec, do you believe in soulmates?”

“I don’t know. I think so. Do you?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

“If I hadn’t kissed Jesse, do you think things would be different?”

“Different how?”

“I don’t know. Just different. I dated him throughout all of college, maybe I missed experiencing some things?”

“Do you regret dating him so long?”

“No. I don’t think so.”

“Chlo’?”

“‘Yeah?”

“What if I don’t make it as a producer? What if I’m not good enough?”

“You’re the most talented person I know. You’ll make it.”

Over the years of being best friends with Chloe, she’d always had a crush on her. It had been a harmless thing really, she assumed everyone had a crush on Chloe.

Especially after a drunken confession to Aubrey had caused the blonde to let out a snort of laughter and say “girl, same.”

But this last year or so that they’d spent sharing a bed - sharing more of themselves with each other than they’d ever done before - Beca had fallen hard and fast and completely in love with Chloe.

Which, let’s be honest, wasn’t an ideal situation. Especially considering that, about three weeks ago, Chloe had started dating Chicago.

“He rescued us from the Med, Beca. I think I owe him a date.”

“Technically Amy and I rescued you. He turned up after the hard bit was done.”

Wearing a new dress and her highest heels, Chloe had thrown Beca a wink and said “don’t wait up!” as she left their apartment to meet him for the third time this week.

Once the door closed, Beca flopped back dramatically on the bed and let out a groan.

“You know you could tell her!” Amy called from her bedroom. “Actually, ignore that, that’s a bad idea. If she turned you down it would make our living situation way more awkward.”

“When not if,” Beca said, miserably. “Have you seen the abs on Shit-ago?”

(Yes, her nickname for Chicago was unnecessarily mean and childish, but give her a break.)

“If Chloe hadn’t accepted the date I would have climbed him like a tree,” Amy said.

“You could save me a lot of pain if you’d use those millions of dollars you have to move out so I could at least have my own room,” Beca said.

Amy left her room and was also looking dressed up for a night out.

“I’m doing you a favour captain,” Amy said. “If I move out you’ll have no excuse to share a bed anymore, and I know you can’t sleep without her. Besides, when she eventually moves in with Chicago, you won’t be able to afford the rent on your own.”

“Please don’t use his real name, it humanises him,” Beca said. “And what makes you think she’d move in with him? Has she said anything?”

“Not specifically, no. But things are obviously going well between them. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that Chloe has found ‘the one’,” Amy said. “So, you know, if you’re going to make a confession of love, time’s ticking.” She checked her phone. “I gotta go. If you are going to comfort eat please leave my Ben & Jerry’s out of it.”

“I make no promises,” Beca said.

“Hmm, due to your pathetic state, I’ll let you off. See you tomorrow!”

Beca spent the remainder of her night feeling sorry for herself, and making some truly self-indulgent mixes.

There were so many songs about unrequited love that Beca was never short of material, and when she finished she saved them in a hidden password-protected so no-one else could even accidentally listen to them.

No, these mixes weren’t going to help her career but they did make her feel at least a little bit better.

The crying and eating Amy’s ice-cream had helped too of course.

Beca was in bed by the time Chloe got back that night, and even thought she wasn’t asleep she pretended she was.

Chloe could always tell when Beca had been crying, and she definitely did not want to talk about the reason why.

So she closed her eyes when she heard the keys in the door, and kept them closed as the lights came on which was followed by the sound of high-heeled shoes walking across the apartment.

She felt the bed dip behind her, and heard the click of Chloe’s lamp turn on.

The bed jostled again, and the main light went off.

She heard running water from the bathroom as Chloe washed off her makeup and brushed her teeth, and then the sound of drawers opening as she searched for pyjamas.

She heard Chloe undressing, and tried not to picture it. She hoped Chloe didn’t need help with unzipping her dress, because she didn’t know if she could handle that right now.

Eventually the bed dipped again and the light went out.

She felt Chloe gently tug at the blankets so she could cover herself.

Then there was nothing but a calm silence.

Beca could tell by the way that Chloe was breathing that she wasn’t asleep yet and before she could stop herself, she was rolling over to face her.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hi,” Chloe replied. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Beca just smiled as she looked at Chloe’s face in the moonlight. She was so beautiful.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Beca said. “How was your night?”

They were both whispering, even though they were the only two people in the apartment, and it was only a little after midnight.

“Fine,” Chloe said. “What did you get up to?”

“Made some mixes,” Beca said. “Before you ask, no. They’re not ready yet.”

Chloe grinned. “Not even for me?”

“Especially not for you.”

“Spoil sport,” Chloe said.

They fell into an easy silence while they just continued to look at each other, and Beca felt that tug in her heart again.

She wanted more than anything to just reach out and touch her. To tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. To sweep her thumb across her jaw.

To kiss her.

God, she wanted to kiss her.

She swallowed, and turned so she was lying on her back.

Amy was right. Time was running out if she was going to say something. And Beca knew she had to say something.

She just didn’t think she could look at Chloe while she said it.

“Is everything okay?” Chloe asked, in her gentlest voice that was always Beca’s undoing.

She just had to do it. She had to rip the bandaid off and deal with whatever came after.

If Chloe turned her down… well… their friendship could survive that.

Right?

“Are you gonna move in with Chicago?”

If she’d been looking at Chloe she’d have seen her frown.

“What? No, what made you ask that? We’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks,” Chloe sounded genuinely confused, and it spurred Beca on. “We’ve been on, like, six dates.”

“But is that something you could see yourself doing? With him, I mean.”

“I… I don’t know. I don’t really know him, I hadn’t thought about it. Why?”

Beca swallowed again.

It was now or never.

“Chloe, I… fuck, this is… look, this is hard, okay. I’m not good at this.”

“Bec, you’re kinda freaking me out,” Chloe said. She sat up and switched on the lamp on her nightstand.

Beca felt instantly exposed and vulnerable - way too vulnerable - and she was up and off the bed in seconds.

“Beca-”

“Just… just give me a second,” Beca said, her heart beating uncomfortably.

She could feel tears building in her eyes and, at that exact moment, they heard the sound of keys in the door before Amy walked in.

“Funny story,” she said, shutting the door and walking further into the room. “Turns out it’s next week that I’m staying-”

She stopped abruptly, realising she had stepped into some kind of emotional minefield.

“Uh oh,” she said. “Beca when I said you should tell her I didn’t mean toni-”

“Nope!” Beca said, loudly cutting her off before walking into the bathroom and locking the door behind her.

Okay, so this wasn’t exactly going to plan.

She had locked herself in the bathroom and was maybe on the verge of a panic attack.

Not an ideal situation.

“Beca,” Chloe said, knocking on the door. “Come on, you can’t stay in there forever.”

I can try, Beca thought.

When Beca didn't respond, or give any indication that she would come out of the bathroom anytime soon, Chloe turned to Amy with a huff of frustration.

“What just happened?”

“So… she didn’t tell you anything?”

“No! I think she was about to tell me something and then…” Chloe trailed off with a shrug. “I don’t know. Something freaked her out and then you showed up.”

“Look this is really not something I should - or want to - be involved in,” Amy said. “So I’m just gonna…” She jerked a thumb towards her bedroom. Amy made a hasty retreat and Chloe returned to the bathroom door.

“Beca, please,” Chloe said. “Look, even if you don’t wanna talk to me, can you just unlock the door so I can go pee. I’ve had like a full bottle of wine tonight and you know how small my bladder is.”

She heard the lock slide and Beca opened the door.

Chloe could see tears in her eyes despite the fact that Beca was doing everything in her power to avoid looking at her.

“Thank you,” Chloe said, as Beca moved aside to let her in.

It hadn’t been a lie, Chloe really did need to pee, so after she closed the door behind her, Beca sat down on the bed and let her head drop into her hands.

It’s probably for the best, she thought. It would ruin everything.

The light from the lamp had had the same sobering effect of daylight.

It reminded her of all the reasons she hadn’t told Chloe how she felt, and why she shouldn’t tell her now.

Any fantasies she could conjure up during the night were always chased away by the day.

While Chloe was stroking her hair in the moonlight, it was easy to imagine that they could be together, but those hopes were always replaced with facts the next day. And the same thing was happening now.

Beca felt something hard lodge itself in her chest as she came to a realisation.

She couldn’t keep doing this.

She’d have to start looking for a new place.

When she heard the toilet flush and the sound of running water she quickly wiped her eyes.

She didn’t look at Chloe when she came out, and kept her eyes fixed on her clasped hands in front of her.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?”

“No,” Beca said. “It’s… it’s nothing. It was dumb. Can we just go to sleep?”

“Sure,” Chloe said with a sigh.

Beca didn’t get into bed until the light was off and then she lay with her back to Chloe.

“Night Bec.”

Beca swallowed again, hoping her voice was steady. “Night.”

Beca’s phone then lit up on her bedside table.

Amy: omg tell her or I will!!!

Beca read it, smiled briefly, and then locked her phone.

She didn’t say anything else, but after a few minutes of silence, Chloe rolled over and wrapped her arm around Beca’s middle. Her other hand started stroking through her hair.

“You get a headache when you cry,” she said softly, answering the question Beca hadn’t asked.

Something broke inside Beca, and she knew she couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“I’m in love with you Chloe.”

Chloe’s hand stilled and Beca’s heart seemed to stop beating.

The silence stretched on, and Beca had to fight every urge to run.

And then Chloe’s arm tightened around Beca’s waist, and she pulled her closer.

“What took you so long?”

Beca laughed and turned around to face her. Their faces were inches apart now, and Beca could see the tears building in Chloe’s eyes.

“I was scared,” she said, her voice breaking. “I was so fucking scared. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“You could never lose me,” Chloe replied. “You will never lose me. I promise.”

Her eyes traveled over Beca’s face, flicking between her eyes, looking for doubt or regret. She didn’t see either. She saw love and adoration. She saw vulnerability, hope, and a tiny fraction of fear.

“I’m in love with you too, Bec.”

And then the fear was gone from her eyes and her face broke into a grin.

“Yeah?” Beca asked, letting out a tearful laugh.

“Yeah,” Chloe replied.

“Can I kiss you?”

Chloe nodded, and their lips met a second later.

Tomorrow, in the cold light of day, Chloe would tell Chicago she didn’t think they should see each other anymore. Tomorrow, she would ask Beca on a date and if it went well - which she knew it would - she would ask her to be her girlfriend.

Tomorrow, when the sun was up, she would repeat these things they’d said to each other in the moonlight.

She’d tell Beca she loved her.

She’d tell Beca she’d always loved her.

And Beca would say it back. A thousand times. In a thousand different ways.

#bechloe week #bechloe week 2021 #bechloe #bechloe prompt #bechloe fanfiction #bechloe fanfic #bechloe fic #beca #Chloe #beca x chloe #beca mitchell #chloe beale #pitch perfect #pitch perfect fanfic #pitch perfect fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

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aemke · 2 years ago

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Hello! I like your blog, so I'm going to ask you questions. You can answer as many or as few as you like.

What is your favourite thing about Ben?

What is your favourite NHIE scene?

Have you read/watched Jaren's interviews?

Do you read fic? If yes, do you have a favourite?

Any songs you associate with Ben as a character?

Do you ship Benvi?

Do you want to see a picture of my cat?

Well hello!

Thanks for the questions; did my best to answer them below.

I would say my favorite thing about Ben is his wit. I love snark and sarcasm, especially when paired with intelligence, which our Ben has in spades. When you add to that the fact that Ben is genuinely a kind and faithful person (even though no one on the show has once returned that friendship to him in kind), I just love him to bits.

Favorite NHIE scenes? How long do you have? My fav is probably the exchange with Howard in 3x6 but since that gets mentioned so often I'll add a few less noted examples. I love in 1x10 when he tells Fab and Eleanor that friends don't take breaks. Its not like its the most well acted of his scenes or anything but I think it says a lot about who Ben is as a person (I also hate Fabiola- I find her boring and judgmental- so I like Ben putting her in her place). Another favorite is Ben and the pear. Jaren does such a great job of showing Ben's transition from 'this is stupid'' to 'I see why this matters' and its done in such a convincing and understated way. Also love Ben telling Devi they're not even; again we get a lot of insight into Ben and where his head and heart are at with limited screen time. And Trent walking down the hallway to ravage Eleanor-comedy gold.

I haven't seen many interviews, but I am very impressed by the one's I have seen. I love to hear actors talk about their craft and you can tell that he is truly an actor who puts care and thought into his performances. He would definitely excel in future projects and I hope we get an opportunity to see him take on new and more challenging roles. I know you and others have talked about his fearlessness and vulnerability as an actor and you can definitely see that that approach is indeed intentional in his interviews.

I love fanfic! I am new to the NHIE fic fandom but I have read a few works I've enjoyed recently. Your recent A Ghost in the Back of the Room is an instant classic of course! I love fics solely focused on Ben and they are few and far between as I know you realize. I've read others I've enjoyed but I honestly can't remember them right now. I typically don't like things too sappy or out of character so anytime an author gets the voices right I'm usually along for whatever ride they want to take me on. I'm also trying not to read too much because I can easily lose myself in it all day and forget to live my actual real life, lol.

I very much doubt this is a musical list that is likely to inspire anyone but I have an old fashion (and probably bad) taste in music so here you go. Simon and Garfield : I am a Rock (obviously...just listen to those lyrics!) The Police: So Lonely (are you sensing a theme? Perfect for 'The Loneliest Boy in the World' and I feel like the manic energy of The Police is perfect for Ben), And of course Johnny Cash: A Boy Named Sue (while I doubt Ben and Howard will come to fisticuffs, its a song about troubled relationships with fathers and how our struggles make our character which feels pretty spot on for Ben)

Yes in so much as Devi is what Ben wants and I want that for him. Truthfully I would be ecstatic with a world in which all the characters had the hots for Ben and fought for his affections!

My chonky 18 year old kitty just passed away recently leaving a giant hole in my heart so I would very much like to see a picture of your cat :)

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mskatesharma · 3 years ago

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every single person i know who's watched s1, irrespective of whether they read the books, thought benedict was gay till we actually saw him making out with that woman in that orgy. 😭😭😭 i know benophie is a well-liked ship but it wasn't my favorite book and i'd have loved it more if they'd gone for that artist x benedict lol. or male!sophie? idk. also in my head henry golding was bagwell (blame crazy rich asians), but that's not going to happen :/ i wasn't TOO invested in that but yea.

(would also love eloise to be asexual actually, but that's also probably not happening, i still can't picture her with the philip they've shown us tho.)

i get all the reservations about sophie being a woc but i feel like she still will be one because as of now, the next two couples are all white - pen and colin, philip and eloise.

also idk if you've watched lost in space but ajay friese in my head is gareth, and his character in the show has a similar-ish dynamic in the show with one of the girls too. i know he's a bit young but it's a fancast :p

I think most of us(?) think that Benedict's storyline from season 1 gives an indication that he is queer, or rather, his sexuality is going to be explored in the second season. If they don't end up doing that, then IMO, it's a clear case of queer-baiting.

I have a feeling that they had Benedict befriend Henry, so that Ben could see a relationship that is considered taboo for the time, i.e between two men, and the way it struggles, to foreshadow his relationship with Sophie. However, I find that to be in such bad taste, because a relationship between two people of different social and economic classes is not the same as a relationship between two people of the same sex or gender, and it doesn’t face the same obstacles.

(Answer got long so put it under the cut)

If Granville and Weatherby's relationship was to be made public, their literal lives would be in danger; it's not a stretch to say that they could be killed. If Benedict were to marry a maid, sure there would be some social ostracisation (to an extent, he's a second son so there's less pressure on him), but neither of them are going to be at risk of losing their lives.

If they wanted to show the struggles of a relationship between two people of different social and economic classes, Anthony and Siena were right there. But for whatever reason, they chose not to go down that route, so I hope that my fears about queer-baiting prove unfounded, and that Ben will be exploring his sexuality next season? (Also, Ben realising that he likes both men and women won't devalue or demean his relationship with Sophie, and to suggest that it would is really gross.)

Ben's book isn't my favourite, tbh I couldn't really stand book!Ben and kept wanting to shake Sophie and tell her he isn't worth it lol. Which I was surprised about because having watched the show first, I really liked Ben's character. Sophie, however, is an absolute sweetheart who deserves everything good in the world (which doesn't include book!Ben imo, so I'm glad they've changed him in the show).

To your point about a male!Sophie, it is a thought that I had too. However, I was discussing this with a friend, and they pointed out that changing a woman character to a man probably wouldn't be best, just because it would be erasing Sophie's story, and if she were changed to be a man, I guess some of the precariousness of her situation would be lost? And Sophie is such a wonderful character by herself, that I'm not really sure how it would translate to her becoming a man?

And yeah, I think Sophie will be played by a WOC because the two couples after that (Polin and Philoise) will be all white.

Look, lesbian Edwina owns my heart, but I know how unlikely it is that the show will go down that route. But instead of pairing her with a white man, can we not pair her with a MOC? Henry Golding is interesting? Tbh I don't see him as Bagwell, but I could maybe see him as John Stirling? And then Colin from Crazy Rich Asians as Michael, because he was hot lol (I know it’s not likely but it’s just fancasting).

I don't know if Eloise as asexual was mentioned in a previous ask, but I could see it? I'm not exactly a book!Phillip fan, but I think we saw so little of him in the first season that it was hard to discern his character properly. Plus, in order for Philoise to happen, Marina has to die, and the idea of that makes me so uncomfortable for a number of reasons.

And I haven't read IIHK, so I don't really know the vibe~ Gareth gives off, but this is Ajay Friese for anyone who doesn't know. I had to look him up as I haven't seen Lost in Space. And he might be young now, but it will be a good few years before they get to Hyacinth's book so he has time lol.

#ask #anon #benedict bridgerton #bridgerton #now that anon has mentioned henry golding i can't get it out of my head that if the bridgertons weren't white henry as benedict???

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ajarofpickledtears · 3 years ago

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Caress, freckles, sunkissed, buttery, and plush for the soft asks? 👉👈

caress - do you like to snuggle?

yes. yes very much. all the snuggles please. big group snuggles with all my friends? good. my sister wanting to cuddle? also good. I crave physical touch and affection.

freckles - most worn article of clothing?

at this point it's probably my Friendly Fire 6 (it's a German Charity Stream event thing) sweat jacket (if that's what it's called lol)

this:

(yes I spent way too much time on taking pictures)

sunkissed - autumn or spring?

autumn all the way.

a) it's my birth season

b) temperatures go down with is awesome cause I'm not good with heat (plus insects etc leave lmao)

c) I love the aesthetic, smell, weather

buttery - favourite snack?

depends on my mood I guess? I go through phases.

dunno if like Ben & Jerry's counts as a snack, but Strawberry Cheesecake and Netflix & Chill'd are awesome

paprika or chili crisps are bomb

and chocolate, or brownies, or cookies

it changes ;D

plush - how many stuffed animals do you still own?

as of now, I have twelve (if I counted correctly, no guarantees though xD)

them's the squad

now, I'll put individual info on a few specific ones cause half of these I got within the last two/three years by my ex

the oldest one:

I got her when I was in hospital, and I think it even was by a nurse or something, when I was a toddler. I legitimately have very faint memories of this.

I can only assume that it was when I had a fever-induced seizure cause it's the only thing I went to hospital for when I was young.

she's had different names, sometimes my name, sometimes Pippi Langstrumpf 🤷🏼‍♀️🤔

next up: Mondi (could be translated to Moony)

can't say my age, but dad won it at one of those funfair games? it was like a horse racing thing

he played for long enough for me to get this, and my sister got a big dolphin, not sure if she still has it

Mondi is actually currently in my bed and serving as a pillow (he doesn't mind though)

then we have... Klärchen das Bärchen

-chen, in this case, is a diminutive. basically you could translate the name to Klara the bear.

don't know when exactly I got it, but we were out with mum and saw these on a store, my sister got the same one and my mum got a bigger version

I think I've surely had her throughout Gymnasium, and definitely when I had braces

now, nameless reindeer:

was part of a Kinder Surprise Egg christmas pack, another student and I got one from our class teacher around christmas cause she knew we'd been having a hard time

it's very soft

not completely sure about the order of the last two, so

I think I got that teddy right when I came back from the UK (so August 2019), he's "officially" called - as in, on the tag on his ear it says - "Bob der Bär (Bob the bear)"

I know for sure that my sister has the same one too, and I think my mum might? it's just a thing, mum buying like stuffies, or years ago barbie dolls, for all of us

the doggo a friend crocheted for me as a birthday gift which. honestly, do I need to say any more? it's amazing

also soft af

they also made me a scarf in the ace pride flag colours that is super soft too

(shoutout to @riheinorn duh)

#ask game #cylas speaks #cylas replies #ask

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lightsaberupmybutt · 4 years ago

Text

Three’s a Crowd - Reader/Ben Solo/Poe Damerson (Modern AU)

alright so Ben/Kylo is a big ego kid in this, because of course. Also, Rey is ACTUALLY Lukes daughter in this, making them cousins. Ive fiddled with the plot okay sue me.

Summary: Poe, Finn and their roommate have been living in a harmonious tenancy, but when Finn decides to move out for a year of travelling, the two are left with no option but to look elsewhere for their third body. Rey Skywalker, a friend of the group, proposes her cousin for the role. He's in a band, wears all black and all in all is somewhat of a social reject - but he's also all theyve got.

“I think that one was actually somehow worse than last weeks” You tell Poe, as he pours himself a juice and settles down next to you on the sofa. You'd just finished showing around another possible roommate and you felt exhausted in every sense of the word.

“How can he be worse than the neo nazi?” Poe shot you an unbelieving look and rolled his eyes, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and knocking some of your papers in his wake.

“Alex was a she, and they asked if they could hang their deer head in the front room” you grimaced even thinking about it, weren't all artsy college students supposed to be vegetarians anyway? why did you have to get saddled with the only blood thirsty one on campus.

“Thats not so bad”

“Poe she showed me a picture of her taxidermied cat”

“Oh”

You had tried to find a polite way to stop her from passing you her phone, but you were too nice to make her feel uncomfortable, and now the image of the long dead tabby would remain behind your eyes for god knows how long.

“was she hot?” You shook your head, causing Poe to sigh wistfully.

“Not hot enough to cancel out her obsession with dead bodies anyway” you informed him, the hopeful look from his eyes gone.

“Face it Poe, were doomed” You let your head fall into your hands, Poe letting out a laugh before wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“Hey we’ll get someone! who wouldn't want to live here?” You knew his question was rhetorical but when looking around the cleaner than usual flat, you had to admit it was missing something. Bare spaces on the walls from where Finn had taken down his pictures, the empty side of the kitchen counter that had once houses his overpriced coffees. You even missed picking up his empty cups after him, the room feeling like it had less character without them. It truly hadn't felt the same in the flat since Finn had left, and although Poe concealed it well, you could see it was getting to him too. Poe had, after all, known Finn first; Finn managing to get a very drunk and outspoken Poe out of a sticky situation he had found himself in when running across a local gang in a dive bar. The ‘first order’ as they so called themselves, had an infamous reputation around campus for being trouble makers and general doers of bad deeds. Ever since that night they had been an unstoppable duo, until they met you of course, and their duo became three.

You loved Finn, and you knew told miss him like hell, but you also knew that Poe must be feeling that ten times over.

“You wanna do something tonight?” You asked, changing the subject before his mind drifted to where yours had.

“what kind of something?” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively,

“Gross”

“hey I'm serious!”

“what about Razor Crest, they are open late, we could grab some drinks and meet up with some people”

Razor crest was the only worth while bar in town; it was certainly nothing to write home about, but it played fairly decent music and it had a marginally less sticky floor than others. Additionally, your other friends lived just over from the humble saloon, making it the perfect watering hole for you guys.

It didn't take much convincing before you had Poe out the door and ready to socialise. Upon arrival, he headed to the bar while you were waved over by Rey, who had already found a booth and was already at least a few drinks in.

“Look, i think i have a solution to your roomie problemo” She told you, peeking over her straw, a gleam in her eye that made you feel not all too confident in her yet to be spoken plan.

“Go on” you told her, cautiously.

“My cousins back in town” She told you between gulps.

“The weird one?” You asked,

“Hes not weird, just ...eccentric” the last word was more of a question, but you could tell she was on a roll,

“He's just joined one of the college bands and Auntie Leia says him and Uncle Han are butting heads”

“ah cool, weve always wanted live music in our own flat at 2 am” Poe injected, rejoining the table and placing a drink in front of you before taking a sip of his own.

“hes not BAD at it, he just plays loud i think” She corrected him, “anyway, he's not a total twat, I'm sure he would be considerate of your sleep schedules”

“didn't he try and stab you with a stick when you were five” you asked her, you'd heard stories of this cousin before and none of them were quite savoury,

“that was ages ago! he's like way old now” she was starting to slur her words, but you had a feeling this was something Rey was quite set on. Rey was stubborn, and when she got something in mind she would move hell to make it happen; she was also your best friend, and someone you trusted the judgment off. Had she gotten you into some weird shit in the past? sure.

Did you have any other options; nay on that.

“Fine, get Han or Leia to bring him round at some point next week and one of us will give him a tour” You tell her, and she lets out a little happy shrill at her own personal win. Poe, not so much.

“Speak for yourself, weirdo cousin can see himself around” he crosses his arms and pouts, you give him a little nudge.

“Hey, maybe you'll be best mates” you offer, but when he shoots you a death stare you go back to your drink.

The family turmoil must have been more vicious than Rey had let in on; It was barely the next morning before you had a tall, intimidating male knocking on your door.

“Hey!” you offered him, in as cheery a voice as your hung over self would allow.

He looked down at you from his towering height, but gave no verbal response.

“You must be Ben?...” He offered you the slightest nod you'd had ever seen in response. Okay so, not much of a talker, noted.

You waved him in, shutting the door behind him. God, he looked even bigger inside? is that possible? Rey had failed to mention the sheer height on the boy. You'd seen pictures of her and her aunt and uncle, it seemed like Ben was a scientific and biological mystery. Like how did he get clothes to fit? did he have to shop somewhere special or

you were snapped out of your thoughts by a clearing of a throat.

“So, how much is the rent” so he DID have a voice,

You informed him automatically, still part dazed.

“Ill be in by the weekend” he told you, and with a nod he moved past you, making his way back to the door.

“But wait .. y .. you haven't even seen your room yet?” You stumbled, dumbfound by the lack of foreplay. The previous people you had shown around were full of questions; they wanted to know the ins and outs of the place. Ben had seen all of the door way and the front room and he was already signing the lease.

“See you then” he didn't stop, hand on the door knob as if you hadn't spoken.

“But i don't have your phone number” you don't know why that came to you first, but it was true. At no point had Rey offered you direct contact with Ben, probably assuming he would. It seemed reasonable, that you'd need his number before he moved in, didn't it? Poe was always texting you about random shit in the flat, arguably too much, but it seemed like the norm for people coexisting in such a small space.

He turned back at you and gave you a confused look,

“why would you need my number?”

“erm... to talk to you” your condescending tone not completely masked,

“but ill be living here” he stated, which, he had you there.

Before you could even think of a response he was out the door.

True to his word, Ben had his things over by that very same weekend. Although it was unsurprising considering just how light he packed. In fact, other than his bass and musical equipment, you couldn't really think of anything he had actually brought with him to the flat. You got to meet his parents when they dropped him off, both of whom seemed leaps and bounds more conversational than their son. Ironically, you got Leia’s phone number before her sons; her telling you to message if you ever needed anything. It felt like an indirect jab at Ben, a ‘if he fucks up let me know’, but you digress. The tension between Ben and his dad was blatantly obvious, them sharing no words before he got back into the car and Ben into the house. He did give his mum a small hug goodbye though, and you thought you saw a small tear in her eye before she managed to wipe it away.

Since his move in, Ben had kept painfully to himself. You barely saw him at all in those first days, just heard him through the walls the odd time he dropped something - or saw a plate or cup gone from their places in the kitchen. To be honest , it felt more like a paranormal haunting than a new roommate. Poe was vocal of his apprehension to the situation, sharing glances with you when you would both be in the living room and you'd see ben scurry by or passive aggressively texting you when his favourite cup had been used by someone who wasn't him. it was a relatively small issue, but Poe had blown it so out of proportion that you had ordered a new set of cups from Amazon and sent him the link, shutting him up for a while before he found something else to complain about.

it was the fifth day before you actually bumped into ben again. He was on the sofa with his base set up, twiddling with his amp. The sight surprised you so much you physically jumped back, causing him to look up. crap. act cool. act cool.

“hey” you offered him

“hi” hi replied back, looking back down at his amp.

right, yer. his space, give him his space. Just get your stuff and go back to your room. don't speak to him, leave him alone. he clearly wants to be left alone.

“nice day isn't it” you wanted to cover your mouth, the words coming out against your will. Truthfully, you had no clue why you said it. You hadn't even looked at the weather this morning. Its just what people say right?

“Erm” his eyes shot to the window and then back to yours,”no”

sure enough, it was pissing it down outside. The sky was actually comically grey and you'd have laughed if you werent so angry at yourself. You were unsure of what to do, and he was still looking at you, almost assessing you. His eyes were so serious and dark they felt like they were burning tiny holes into your skin. shit, you had to speak now right?

While regretting every single life decision that had brought you into this kitchen at this time, Poe sauntered into the room like your night in shining armour, ignoring Ben all together and coming straight over to you, placing a big arm around your shoulders. You saw Ben drop his head back down to this bass, and you used all your might to not let out a sigh of relief.

“Tonight, I'm taking you out” He offered, a cheeky gleam in his eye.

“Are you now”

“Razor crest, drinks and dancing, be there or be square” He lists off as if he's a paid promoter, causing you to let out a giggle.

“Whos invited?”

“just the gang” he said, causing you to shoot him an eye roll, knowing full well you ‘gang’ consisted of all of three people, yourself and Poe included in that number.

but then you remembered, there was another person now, whether they liked it or not. Poe’s eyes followed yours to Ben and then back to meet yours again, you saw the realisation change to disgust, as he shook his head silently at you.

you knew this look, the ‘don't you dare’ look, the ‘not in 1000 years’ look. But you couldn't help it, your lips were moving before you could stop them for the second time this morning.

“Are you free tonight, Ben?’

The look of sheer betrayal on Poe's face made you wince, surely he'd understand right? he knew you well enough to know your verbal diarrhoea problem.

Ben didn't even look up, but he did let out a small laugh that felt quite antagonistic.

“i dont go to Razor Crest”

“i don't go to razor crest ugh” Poe mocked, causing Rey to let out a hysterical giggle, and you a sigh.

You'd been out for all of three hours and you were all already feeling the effects of the alcohol. It was late and the bar was jam packed with students all raring to go. Poe had been making eyes at one particular red head almost all night and you were half surprised he hadn't already made his move. Poe put out, it was a fact. You and Finn had at one time made a fridge chart for him, a gold star awarded every time he brought girl home. Whether the goal was to make him feel proud of his conquests or embarrassed, you still weren't 100% sure, but after a month or so you had both lost count and given up. You told yourself it didn't bother you, that he was just a friend, and that he owed you nothing, but every time he left you at the bar for another girl something stung inside; something you pushed deep down but regrettably was still there none the less.

Sure enough, as the night progressed, you and Rey ended up fending for it alone, and instead of feeling sorry for yourself you decided to do the responsible thing and drink more.

After the third round of shots, Rey calls it in.

“I think I'm gonna be sick” she tells you sheepishly, and you can't help but belly laugh in response. She starts to shuffle towards the door and you go to follow.

“Hey don't leave on my behalf” she tells you earnestly, but you wave her off.

“Nah I've had my fill, I'm starting to forget which flat number i live at” you tell her, causing her to giggle this time.

You both stumble out the bar, past the smokers and up the cobbled road towards her flat. She unlocks her door and lets herself in, not before giving you a drunken hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

As you ready yourself to make your way back to your own flat, you come back past the bar entrance; a particularly prominent cobble causes you to trip ever so slightly and gain a whoop from a group of boys who were passing round a box of marlboro straights.

You suddenly realised just how dark it was and just how alone you were. Most nights you wouldn't stay out this late, and if you did, then you'd normally be walking back with finn. You let out a shiver, a mix of both the cold night air finally breaking through your drunken daze and a smidge of fear. The Razor Crests entrance lights were getting progressively further away, and although you know that you only had a maximum of a half mile walk back to your home, it felt like ample distance to get kidnapped or murdered in, most probably both.

How many true crime stories started with a young drunk girl, scantily clad and out alone at night? You could hear the police reports now, which photo would they use? you prayed it would be a hot one, at the very least one after your thin brow phase.

Being literally bumped back into reality, in almost a cruel humorous way, you felt yourself walk head first into a figure, their arms coming out to catch you as the sheer momentum bounced you back.

Oh god, I'm dead. I'm literally going to die.

“Hey, chill out” The voice made your heart beat both slow and race again,

“Ben?!” you shrieked, voice hoarse through pure anticipation of your thought to be demise

“Are you okay” he asked, and only then did you realise you were shaking like a leaf.

“Im fine” you let out in a small voice, looking down at your shoes. You could feel the redness in your cheeks through pure embarrassment alone. This was not an ideal situation for him to see you in, and you kind of started to with that he had been a murderer, at least then you wouldn't have to deal with the second hand embarrassment in the morning.

“What are you doing out here”

“why are you out alone”

you both asked simultaneously,

“I was coming out for a smoke” He told you, flashing his tobacco pouch at you from inside his coat. His very warm looking coat, might you add. Another shiver ran down your body.

“Im coming home from Razor Crest” you tell him, trying to be matter of fact but slurring your words just enough to spoil the show.

“Yes obviously, but why are you alone” he shoots back in some what of a patronising tone, it wouldn't sit well with sober you and it definitely doesn't go down well with drunk you.

“Im a big girl”

“clearly” he makes, making extra sure to look you up and down from his towering distance above you, causing you to huff.

“well i can take care of myself”

“you shouldn't be out alone around here, its not safe” he ignores your response, looking you dead in the eye.

You feel something inside you flutter, a warmth that you can't quite control. Okay, ben might be weird and a bit annoying it would seem, but he was handsome, thats for sure. The limited light danced off his strong features and dark shaggy mop of hair, making him look both dangerous and appealing.

As if you were standing here mentally flirting with the idea of being with Res cousin; you made a mental note to punish yourself for the ludicrous thoughts in the morning.

“Okay well I'm going home now” you tell him, attempting to push past him, but his large hand finds its way to your forearm and pulls you back,

“yes, you are, come on” If what he said before was patronising, he was now speaking to you like you were a dog he was walking.

“go have your nicotine, ive got this one covered” you tell him with a mock salute, causing him to roll his eyes. He lets go of your arm and you take your win, trying to step confidently away without falling. You're proud of yourself for handling the situation when you realise he's following all of 10 steps behind you, rolling a cigarette in his hands while holding a filter between his teeth.

when he catches you looking, he nods down to his hands,

“want one?” he mumbles between his lips, still holding the filter pride of place.

“no thanks” you snap, picking up pace.

Ben smirks at you, but you miss it, too focused on not embarrassing yourself and keeping your feet in line.

#Star Wars #Star Wars imagine #star wars modern au #kylo ren #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren x reader #Ben solo #ben solo x reader #ben solo x y/n #poe dameron #poe dameron x reader

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yukinojou · 4 years ago

Text

I already squeed quite a bit on Twitter, but turns out my Shadow and Bone thoughts demand longform. So that was a 40+ tweet thread or using my Tumblr for an original post for once.

I was wary about the Shadow and Bone adaptation the way I'm usually wary about good books being adapted onscreen. It was amplified because my actual favourites are the Six of Crows books, and because the American-based movie complex has a bad track record of doing anything based on Eastern Europe. 8 episodes in 3 days should tell you how much I loved it - the moment I finished, I wanted more.

First, the technical praise:

Damn but the plotting is tight. It took me a while to realised it's based on heist movie bones, where every little thing (The Freaking Bullet!) is important. The story fulfills its promises and manages not to bore at the same time - it delights by the way they're fulfilled. I called out a few plot developments moments before they happened, and I was happy about it. Such a joy after so many series where "not doing what viewers expect" led to plot holes and lack of sense. It might be an upside to the streaming model after all.

From a dramatic point of view I can tell all the reasons for all the changes, especially providing additional outsider points of view on Ravka (Crows) and letting viewers see Mal for themselves the way he only comes across in later books.

Speaking of which, this is a masterclass in rewriting a story draft. SaB was Bardugo's first, and having read later books you can really see where she didn't quite dare to break the YA rules yet, especially Single POV that necessitated a tight focus on Alina's often negative feelings rather than the big picture and a triangle that felt a bit forced. The world in the series is so much bigger, the way Bardugo could finally paint it when SaB success gave her more creative freedom, and some structural choices feel familiar too. It's a combination of various choices by crew and cast, but the end result meshes together so tightly and naturally.

Visuals! Especially the war parts because Every Soviet Movie Ever, but also the clothes (I would kill for Nina's blouse in the bar), the jewelry, the interiors. The stag was so very beautiful. And a deep commitment to a coherent aesthetic for each character and setting.

Look, you can do a serious fantasy series with colours! Both skin colours and bright sets and clothing! And all scenes were well lit enough to know what's going on, even in the Fold!

Representation (aka I Am Emotion)

To start with: I was born behind the Iron Curtain, in the last years of the Cold War. The Curtain was always permeable to some extent, and we have always been aware that while we have talented artists of our own, we never had the budgets and polish of the Anglosphere Entertainment Machine. So we watched a hell of a lot of American visual storytelling especially because yeah, you can tell we don't have the budgets. 90s and 2000s especially, it's getting better now.

In American stories, the BEST case scenario for Eastern European representation is the Big Dumb Pole, the ethnic stereotype Americans don't even notice they use, where the punchline is that his English is bad or that he grew up outside Anglo culture. Other than that, it's criminals, beggars, sex trafficking victims, refugees. Sure, we may look similar (except we really really don't, not if you're raised here and see the distinct lack of all those long-jawed Anglo faces), but we are not and have never been the West, never mind America. It's probably better for younger people now, but I was raised under rationing and passport bans. Star Trek and Beverly Hills 90210 were exactly as foreign to me.

The first ever character I really identified with was Susan Ivanova in Babylon 5 (written by J. Michael Straczynski, yay behind-camera representation). This was a Russian Jewish woman very much in charge, in the way of strong women I know so well, not taking any bullshit, not repressing her feminity. I recognised her bones, she could be my cousin. The sheer relief of it. There have been few such occasions since.

The reason I picked up Shadow and Bone in the first place was recommendations from other Polish people. I've had no problems finding representation in Eastern European books because wow our scene is strong in SFF especially, but it's always a treat to find a book in English that gets it. And Leigh gets it, the bones of our culture, and I could even look past the grammar issue (dear gods and Americans, Starkova for a woman, Morozov for a guy) that really irked me because of the love for the setting and the characters, the weaving in of religion/mysticism (we never laicisized the same way as the West, natch), the understanding of how deep are the scars left in a nation at war for centuries. The books are precious to me, they and Arden's Winternight and Novik's Spinning Silver.

To sum up: Shadow and Bone the Netflix series gets it. You can tell just how much they've immersed themselves in Eastern European culture and media, it comes across so well in visuals and writing and characters. Not just the obvious bits (though the WWII propaganda posters gave me a giggle), but the palaces, the additional plotlines and characters, the costumes, the attitudes. About the only thing missing in the soldier scenes was someone singing and/or quoting poetry.

I will blame the Apparat's lack of beard on filming in a non-Orthodox country. Poland's Catholic too, but I very much imagined him as an Orthodox patriarch, possibly because I read the books shortly after a visit to Pecherska Lavra in Kiev and the labyrinthine holy catacombs there. Small quibble, not my religion, not my place to speak.

(I've seen discussion on the issues with biracial representation in the show, which is visceral and apparently based on bad experiences of one of the show writers in a way that's caused pain to other Asian and biracial people. I'm not qualified to speak on those parts, other that Eastern Europe is... yeah. Racist in subtly different ways. If anything, the treatment of the Suli as explained in Six of Crows always read so very true of the way Roma are treated, and even sanitised.)

And now for the spoiler-filled bits:

Kaz and Inej. I mean... just THEM. So many props to the actors, the writers, the bloody goat.

I adore the fact the only people who get to have sex in the show are Jesper and a very lucky stablehand.

Ben Barnes needs either an award or a kick. The man's acting choices and puppy eyes are as epic as his hair.

So Much Love for Alina initiating the kiss. Her book characterisation makes sense, she's so trapped in her own head because she has no time to process everything that's happening, but grabbing life by the lapels is a much more active choice. Still not making the relationship equal, but closer to it.

Speaking of, Kaz's constant awareness of how unequal his relationship with Inej is, and attempts to give her agency. I'm really curious how his touch issues come across to someone who doesn't know the backstory there.

Feodor and his actor. He looks exactly like the pre-war heartthrob Adolf Dymsza, a specific upper-class Polish ethnic type that's much rarer now that, well, Nazis killed millions of Polish intellectuals in their attempt to reduce us to unskilled labour only. The faces he makes are the Best.

Nina!! Nina is perfect, those cheekbones, that cheek, I was giggling myself silly half the time. I cannot wait to see Danielle Galligan take on the challenge of Nina's plotline in Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom, she'll kill us dead.

I already mentioned that the writers fixed Mal's absence from the first book, but Mal in general! The haircut gives him a kind of rugby charm, and Archie Renaux is outstanding at emoting without talking. Honestly, all the casting in this series is inspired, but him in particular.

Extra bonus: Howard Charles and Luke Pasqualino playing so very much against the type of the swaggering Musketeers I saw them play last. Arken dropping the mask at the end... Howard Charles is love.

I can't believe not only was Milo's bullet a plot point, but the fact Alina was wearing a particularly sparkly hair ornament in a long series of beautiful hair ornaments was a plot point.

In conclusion: so much love, and next three season NOW please. Okay, give me a week to reread the books, and an extra day because new Murderbot drops tomorrow...

#shadow and bone #six of crows #shadow and bone meta

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