#also thanks to everyone who replied to that post who made me realize I wasn't going through this shift in the fandom's vibes by myself

[softguarnere]

Hey y'all, so after a lot of thought after the post I made the other night, I've decided that I'm going to close my requests for the time being. Writing is a hobby for me, not a job, and it's started to become a source of stress. I'm just going to focus on my oc fics for now, and any original ideas that I have for x reader fics. I'll try to get to the requests that are already in my askbox, but it might take a while.

Thanks for understanding 💕

[toxicanonymity]

For context, a tumblr account has been posting anon hate for the past week or so, mostly toward writers. A parasocial hater of mine discovered the account and has been going to town. I posted this after they invoked Israel as an analogy. Yes really.

Obviously I am disgusted by what I just read, and floored that anyone would post such a deranged analogy in the interest of stirring up fandom drama. I'm very sorry to everyone who has been attacked and everyone who has witnessed all this. Others have posted about the situation as a whole, and I'm not sure what I could add. But I want you to know many of these "confessions" are from one individual who has been fixated on me (and probably others) for weeks if not months. I already had the following in my drafts:

warning: please don't read this if you're sensitive to hate or could be triggered by the trivialization of real abuse. (edit: they went on to trivialize genocide too but they'll pretend to be different people). there's also a really gross anatomical reference.

the screenshots are all after I blocked them.

I normally don't address things like this, but that's because I'm trying to keep it off your dash and off my blog (for several reasons including not wanting to give the hate a larger audience for their message). Normally I block/delete. But thanks to a blog dedicated to posting anon hate, some of this is already on the dash, and I thought some additional context could be illuminating.

a couple weeks ago, this person chimed in on my non-fandom post, and their comment made me uncomfortable. I checked to see if they followed me and they didn't, plus their blog tagline was antagonistic. I was confident they weren't being earnest. I replied, pointing out my issue with their comment and asking them to keep their thoughts to themselves rather than coming at me from a sideblog. I thought they must have followed me from a main account since they somehow found an untagged, unreblogged post without following me. But I now realize they were simply hate checking my blog.

(Blocked the burner too)

They were saying this last bit preemptively - I've never talked about stalkers here. I didn't include all their anons, just enough to show they clearly out themselves as being the same person. In other "confessions," they make repeated references to a former fandom writer they idolize (not me) who they also posted about on their blog.

I won't be dropping this creep's url in this post, but I had never heard of them. This week they have repeatedly changed their url, display name, and blog appearance. Their writing is recognizable and I believe they are responsible for the unhinged asks preceding katy's departure from tumblr. They also made a rude comment on her post.

This may only aggravate them. I expect them to hurl any lies and accusations they can think of toward me. They will act like they're laughing and amused, too. You may recognize their tone. I want to trust this fandom not to believe and repeat anything they hear, but unfortunately my experience in this fandom leaves me pessimistic.

I can only hope people use common sense at this point.

Note - I know I'm normally really private about everything, but you're welcome to share this. Their lies are already out there anyway. Also feel free to DM me and I will tell you what you want to know.

Update: the anon-hate account referred to above has deactivated. It was named pedgeconfessions. It wasn't the first to pop up this summer and may not be the last.

[hbyrde36]

Times Like These

(The Anniversary Edition)

Link to anniversary post

Now with amazing FANART 😱

When Eddie finds himself back in his living room, staring down a very alive Chrissy Cunningham, after just having bled to death himself in the middle of a nightmare world, he was rightfully very, very fucking confused.

-Or-

What happens when the new guy, who only just got inducted into the fucked up world of monsters and mayhem, gets stuck in a time loop and finds himself responsible for saving everyone?

Chapter 1: The Hell Loop

WC: 2,902 | AO3 link

Eddie could hardly breathe past the blood that was flooding into his mouth, threatening to choke him before he even had the opportunity to bleed out. He tried to keep it together for Dustin’s sake. The last thing he wanted was for the kid to get hurt or have to see something like this, hence the cutting of the rope, but traumatized was a hell of a lot better than dead, so he couldn’t regret either of the choices he’d made.

“I love you, man.” 

Eddie forced the words out, coughing and sputtering

“I love you too.��� Dustin replied.

Eddie couldn’t see anymore, but the tears in the younger boy's voice were hard to miss. 

It was the last thing he heard before he died.

Dying didn’t hurt, quite the opposite actually. Eddie could pinpoint the exact moment he passed on, because it was the same moment the pain stopped. He found himself floating away into an unfamiliar blackness and couldn’t even bring himself to be scared. He was too relieved at being free of the agony and guilt.

Before he could do much more than wonder where he was floating off to, a loud almost overwhelming rushing sound hit his ears. Instinctually, he tried to cover them to drown out the noise, only to realize he didn’t exactly have a body right now. No ears to cover, no hands to do it with.

With that frightening thought his eyes shot open, -oh thank fuck he had eyes again- and his feet hit solid ground. Inexplicably, he was back in the trailer. He looked up to find that the ceiling was intact, and Chrissy Cunningham– whole, and alive, was standing just a few feet in front of him, looking nervous and jittery. 

“Are you sure you have it?”

What the actual fuck?

“Holy shit, Chrissy! You’re alive?!” Eddie gasped.

Her face twisted up in confusion, a feeling Eddie was also becoming intimately familiar with. What was this? Some life-flashing-before-your-eyes-on-the-way-to-the-grave bullshit? But he was already dead, he was sure of it, so that could only mean…

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” he blurted out. 

Why he was apologizing to some visage of the past that probably wasn't even real, he did not know, but it felt appropriate. 

She’d been through a lot. 

“You’re probably not alive, actually, if you’re here. Since I'm, y’know– dead, and all.” He continued, letting out a frankly deranged sounding laugh as he began to pace around the room.

“But why are you here?” He mused, thinking out loud.

It could actually be her, he reasoned. She was dead too, right? But that would mean they wound up in the same place and that was absolutely ridiculous. 

A sweet little thing like her? 

Guaranteed one way ticket to the good place. 

And Eddie? 

Well, he never had any doubts about where he was going to end up.

The realization hit him like a Mack truck, stopping him in his tracks. 

“Oh my god, I’m in Hell. This is Hell. I ran away. I ran– I didn’t even try to help you and then I fucking died!” Eddie let out a painful sob as he dropped to his knees on the floor, hands covering his face. Now that he was back here, having to face her again after what he’d done, It was all hitting him at once. 

His voice shook as he continued rambling. “Right in front of Dustin too… and- and now this is my Hell. I��ll probably have to watch you die, over-and-over-and-over again.”

He felt the air shift, heard the light footsteps as Chrissy took a few hesitant steps towards him. 

“Watch me die?” She said, voice cracking, sounding so, so small and scared. “Eddie, please… you’re kind of freaking me out.”

Shit, he really couldn’t stop fucking this up could he? 

Even if Hell-Chrissy wasn’t real, he still felt horrible for scaring her. None of this was her fault. He rubbed at his face hard and took a deep calming breath before looking up at her again. 

She wasn’t looking at him anymore though. She was rigid, staring straight ahead at something he couldn’t see, only the whites of her eyes visible as they rolled to the back of her head. 

He jumped to his feet, every instinct in his body screaming at him to run, again, but fuck that. He was already dead, probably, and none of this was real– he was almost sure none of this was real, but maybe he could still try to help her. 

Music had snapped Red out of it, maybe it would work for Chrissy too. 

Eddie raced to his bedroom, snatching his Walkman off the bed before sprinting back to the living room. He knew it was pretty fucking unlikely that the head cheerleader of Hawkins High was a secret Metallica fan, but it was the best he could do under the circumstances.

He gently placed the headphones over her ears and pressed play, the volume loud enough that he could just make out the sound of the opening riff to Master of Puppets.

-

It didn’t work. 

He hadn’t really thought it would.

He forced himself to watch as her body began to float.

Listened to the sickening snap as each of her arms and legs were twisted, and broken.

Stood frozen, a silent witness, unmoving until her body dropped to the floor like a ragdoll.

He didn't even scream.

He’d tried, and he hadn’t let her die alone. It was all he could do.

Hell or not, Eddie wasn’t keen on hanging out with a dead body if he could help it. So finally, he let himself go, grabbing his keys off the counter, and rushed out to the van.

–

Eddie drove slowly, aimlessly around town, at a bit of a loss for what to do next. It was a far cry from the way he’d peeled out of the trailer park and sped down the road on the night of Chrissy’s actual death, heart racing like a trapped rat desperately seeking shelter from a predator he couldn't even see. This time around he just felt numb.

Not knowing what else to do, he decided to follow his previous course of action. If he was right in assuming that he was being made to relive his greatest hits from the last 7 days, at least this way he knew he’d get to see Dustin’s face again. He drove towards Lover’s Lake, already dreading spending another night at Rick’s.

–

The morning after a sleepless night found him back in a boat, hiding under a tarp, and clutching tightly to the neck of a broken beer bottle. The numbness had faded hours ago, leaving the door open for anxiety and terror to return in full force. In short, Eddie was freaking out. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he’d left Chrissy's body to grow cold on the living room floor, but the second he heard the voices outside the boathouse he went into panic mode, just as he had the first time, unsure of what or who might be coming for him. 

Would it be more visions from the past? Or had the devil finally sent his minions to collect.

A few confusing moments, and a jab to the ribs with a fucking wooden oar later, Eddie was, for the second time in his life, throwing Steve Harrington violently against a wall and shoving a jagged edge of glass close enough to his throat that one deep breath would draw blood.

He stared into the other boy's eyes from inches away, and he wanted to drop the bottle. He remembered every single thing Steve and the others had done for him as he faced down the worst week of his life, but this could very well be Hell. 

And that might not be the Steve he’d come to trust.

The one he’d come to know wasn’t the same stuck up asshole he remembered from high school, who had proven time and time again that he was a good guy.

And he couldn’t afford to be wrong.

“Eddie! Stop!” The thing that looked like Dustin shouted. “Eddie, it’s me, it's Dustin. This is Steve, he’s not gonna hurt you. Right, Steve?”

Eddie, wanting to believe it so badly, actually did lower the bottle a little, only to accidentally drop it to the ground, his only weapon shattering at his feet. 

He fisted a hand into the front of Steve’s shirt. 

“What are you doing here man, what do you want from me?” 

Steve dropped the oar, all the breath whooshing out of him at once. “Dustin and Max wanted to find you. I’m just here to keep the little shits safe, I swear.”

Eddie caught movement out of the corner of his eye as Robin and Max began to approach from the side cautiously. Right, they had been there too, he'd almost forgotten. 

“We just want to know what happened, Eddie. We wanna help,” Max said.

It was the earnestness in her voice that got him, that made him finally break and move away from Steve, allowing Robin to rush to his side. 

“You won’t believe me,” Eddie said, barely recognizing the sound of his own voice with the way it trembled. 

He was sure they wouldn't believe it. If it even mattered, if they were even really here, if any of this was even real. 

He was still pretty convinced this was all just some form of divine punishment, and only happening in his own head, after all. 

It wasn’t about what happened to Chrissy. He knew they would believe that, they had once already, but whatever else was going on here? This deja vu flashback thing or whatever it was? They had no reason to trust he was telling the truth about the fact that he was dead– or had died temporarily? Or that this had all happened to him before. 

It was, admittedly, unbelievable. 

So, he made a choice. He didn't tell them that part. He told the same story he had the first time around and they in turn told him a very short history of the Upside Down. It didn’t hit so hard this time, since he’d already heard it all once before, but it was still wild to think about everything this group had been through. He couldn’t believe it’d all been happening right under his nose.

Despite himself, he watched Steve through most of the explanations. Eddie had been so focused on his own experience at the time that he hadn’t paid much attention to him after the attempted throat slashing. He looked dejected, sad, already resigned to the fact that the monsters he’d been protecting these kids from for years now were back, again. Eddie sympathized.

-

The week flew by in a blur of blood, sweat, and tears, events unfolding in the exact same way that he remembered, and he never said a word about it to anyone. 

He kept expecting it all to end somehow. 

On the rare occasion that he fell asleep,  he thought for sure he would wake up from this nightmare either back in his bed after having the longest most fucked up dream of his life, or somewhere– else, preferably on a fluffy cloud after having served his penance for petty crimes.

Unless god actually did hate the gays… then he was fucked. 

It wasn’t until he and Dustin were alone, after fortifying the trailer and getting his guitar set up that he decided– maybe he’d been an idiot to just keep going along with the script like this. It’d been days without so much as a hint of fire and brimstone, so either he'd been sold a bill of goods his whole life about what Hell would be like, or, this was really happening. 

Again. 

At this point, neither possibility was a particularly good one. If he’d been somehow sent back in time and given a second chance, he had absolutely screwed it up. 

Fuck it, he might as well tell Dustin now at least. See what happened.

“Alright, uh, listen, I have to tell you something– and I’m not sure you’re going to believe me but I swear I’m telling you the truth.”

Dustin laughed, bright and incredulous as he checked the plugs on the amp one last time. “After everything we’ve been through the past few days, and the shit I’ve seen over the last three years, do you really think there’s anything I wouldn’t believe?”

Ok, kid had a point. 

Eddie took a deep breath and squared his shoulders.

Here goes nothing. 

“I’ve been through this before, all of it, with you guys. For a while I thought I was in Hell, y’know? Doomed to relive Chrissy’s death over and over again, and between you and me I’m still not totally sure that isn’t the case, but then you guys found me in that damn boathouse just like before, and everything else has happened exactly like I remember, and I-” 

His speech was cut short by Dustin screeching, “Are you serious right now?! You have to be fucking kidding me! I can’t believe you… you’re in a time loop and you didn’t say anything?!”

Eddie’s mouth dropped open, eyebrows raised up nearly to the bandana he had tied around his head. “Wait, you believe me?! Just like that?!”

Dustin put his hands on his hips, in a gesture that was eerily reminiscent of a certain babysitter that Eddie definitely hadn't developed the habit of staring at at every given opportunity. 

Not the time!

“I wouldn’t say, just like that.” Dustin said, snapping his fingers. “If it was anyone outside of the party I would think they were crazy, but this is you we’re talking about. And like I said, after everything? This is not that hard to swallow. I mean, why would you make something like that–”

Dustin stopped abruptly, his entire demeanor changing on a dime as if he’d just discovered something awful. Belatedly, Eddie realized his mistake.

“Eddie, why would you think you were in Hell? Did you… “ The kid trailed off, and when he spoke next his voice was thick with unshed tears. “Do we lose? Did you…die?”

Eddie sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. “Shit, I didn’t think– I guess there’s no way to tell you I might be repeating time without admitting it. Yeah, I… died. As far as Vecna, I have no idea. I was gone before Steve, Robin, and Nancy got back.”

Before he could respond, the Walkie in Dustin’s hand came to life, with Robin’s voice crackling through the small speaker. “She’s in, move on to phase 3. Over.”

“Guess that’s it. Time’s up.” Eddie muttered.

Dustin bit his lip as he looked at Eddie, eyes questioning and full of fear.

Eddie shook his head, silently answering the unasked question. He didn’t want Dustin to tell them, or try and stop this. It was too late. He refused to risk the kid, or somehow make things worse by changing the plan this late in the game. 

Dustin squeezed his eyes closed and pressed the button on the handset to reply, “Copy that, initiating phase three. Over.”

Eddie gave the kid his best reassuring smile as he pulled the guitar strap up over his head and with shaking hands began to play, knowing there was no time to waste. 

-

Bleeding out wasn’t any more fun the second time around. 

Eddie had given it his all, fighting tooth and nail against those flying leeches, but there was no use. There were hundreds of them, and only one of him. Just as he had the first time he took off on that bike to lead the bats away, he’d known the fate he was resigning himself to. The difference this time was, he actually had a sliver of hope. 

If the impossible happened once, maybe it could happen again. 

“Sorry, kid.” Eddie said, choking back blood as he watched Dustin limp towards him. “Didn’t notice the leg last time–“ He paused, panting, trying to catch his breath. Talking had already become difficult. “Shouldn’t have cut the rope, s’not like it stopped you.” 

He forced a smile, trying so hard not to let it show on his face just how much pain he was in. Not that there was much point, the kid had eyes. He could surely see the red ruin Eddie’s body had become.

Dustin sobbed openly and it broke Eddie’s heart. 

“God damnit, Eddie!” He shouted, shaking his head and pounding the ground with his fist. “Promise me if you get another shot at this that you’ll tell me. Tell me as soon as you possibly can about the time loop. Please! We have to come up with another plan.”

Eddie wanted nothing more than to be able to scoop the boy into his arms and comfort him, might have tried anyway but he couldn't move. “What if you don’t believe me?” He choked out.

“I'm adopted,” Dustin blurted out through his sniffles. “My mom only told me last year. No one else knows, not even Steve, but… I trust you, Eddie. I’d believe you without it, but if you need to, tell me that and I’ll believe you.”

Eddie nodded, or tried to, and felt Dustin’s hand slip into his. 

“I love you, man”

“I love you too”

Chapter 2

Thanks to @penny00dreadful for being the best beta, friend and cheerleader.

Shoutout also to @theheadlessphilosopher @withacapitalp and @hitlikehammers for the help and encouragement to do this.

Tagging a few friends that expressed interest or I think might be interested? I am ALWAYS happy to tag or remove - just let me know!

Taglist: @hitlikehammers @pearynice @cranberrymoons @thoroughlycollected @blubblesandink @finntheehumaneater @brbsoulnomming @estrellami-1 @hellion-child @mentallyundone @manda-panda-monium @spicysix @kikidoesfanfic @dreamwatch

[buckymorelikefuckme]

and really bad eggs

pirate king wanda x fem reader

words: 2.1k

warnings: **18+ ONLY** mentions/slight description of injury, hurt/comfort, smut, scissoring. if i missed anything pls let me know!

a/n: well i guess it's a series now lmao~ is 3am posting going to become my new thing? we shall see. i hope you enjoy :) also, there's a cameo of two of our fave dudes in here hehe! unbeta'd. any and all mistakes are mine. feedback is encouraged & appreciated ♡

part 1 ❀ part 2 ❀ part 4

You pace impatiently along the deck, eyes straining through the moonlight as you search for the return of your crew mates and captain. They should've been back ages ago. You'd been given strict instruction to stay on the ship, the captain using the excuse of your poor combat skills for her reasoning.

“I've been practicing with Natasha,” you'd protested as you watched Wanda gather her effects.

You would be approaching the port soon and she always liked being ready to step off the ship the moment it was docked. Feeling desperate yet helpless, you continued staring at your lover as she checked her pistols and secured her sword.

Wanda sighed. “Yes, and I've heard of your improvement,” she admitted. “But Natasha still thinks you need more time before you're ready for a real fight.”

“You say all the time how rare fights happen once the villagers realize who you are!” you retorted.

“I am not going to argue with you on this,” she replied, her tone firm. “My mind is made up. You will stay here.”

You clenched your jaw. “Are you saying this as my captain, or as my lover?”

Wanda spun to face you with a hard look. You lifted your chin, having been on the receiving end of such an expression several times before. She was always calling you stubborn, and that wasn't going to change any time soon.

“When did I stop being both, hm?” she wondered, taking slow, deliberate steps towards you. “What have I done to deserve this treatment?”

You didn’t reply, frowning as you broke your stare. When Wanda spoke again, it was low, so quiet it was almost a whisper.

“I could not live with the thought of you getting hurt, or worse, because you could not defend yourself properly,” she confessed. “Perhaps I do not express myself well enough, if you are under the impression that I could be so impassive with your precious life.”

You blinked away the tears that built in your eyes.

“I have fought in my fair share of duals, and even I have had many close calls, despite my years of training,” she added, and you hated the reminder, having bore witness to the scars that decorate her skin to prove her words. She cupped your cheeks, forcing you to meet her imploring gaze. “I will not have your blood on my hands.”

A shaky breath escaped you, still feeling utterly helpless, useless, but you reached up to gently grasp her wrists. As much as it pained you, you nodded in understanding. She sighed, eased, and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, promising to return as quickly as possible.

Now, a sense of foreboding has been steadily rising within you. It's never taken this long for a raid. You wring your hands anxiously, contemplating if Wanda would be angry with you if you left the ship with your sword in hand.

However, you don't get the chance to decide. You hear voices approach, and soon after, the crew bustles out of the tree line. Your relief is palpable as you press your hand to your chest, muttering a quick thank god under your breath as they grow nearer.

It takes a moment for you to notice, so washed in comfort by everyone’s return, that a few people are carefully carrying someone back to the ship. Just as quickly as the relief appeared, it leaves you entirely. Your skin goes hot then cold, so fast that it leaves your head spinning, dread settling heavily in your stomach.

As the crew begin boarding the ship, none of them meet your eyes. Panic wells, and you find yourself stumbling across the deck, shouldering past several people. Natasha stops you before you can go around her.

“She's fine,” she murmurs.

“She–She's being carried onto the ship,” you point out dumbly.

Natasha grips your shoulders. “Her wound is not serious. We had to clean it and stitch it to stop the bleeding before we could return.”

You whimper, covering your mouth as fresh tears fall. “She was bleeding?”

Natasha sighs heavily. “Before we could announce ourselves, some skinny, little idiot and his friend thought themselves to be heroes and charged us.” She rolls her eyes, agitated all over again by this person. “The Captain stepped in and was grazed by his dagger while she was trying to subdue him. Once he found out who we were it was easy to get them to back down.”

She pauses, huffing. “For whatever reason, the Captain invited them to join the crew after they'd apologized a million times and begged her pardon.”

You blink a few times, mind whirling. “But she's okay?” you clarify, your only worry.

Natasha’s face softens as she nods. “Aye. I made them carry her back so she wouldn't put a strain on her stitches. It's just a superficial wound.”

Just then, Wanda is carried on board, and you rush to her.

“This is ridiculous. I am perfectly capable of walking,” you hear her grumble and it makes a choked sob slip past your lips. Her eyes meet yours and she orders the men to stop. “Put me down,” she tells them, and when they try to argue, “Now!”

Not wanting to receive some form of punishment, they listen, gingerly helping her rise and stand. She winces, her hand clutching her side, just below her ribs. You take cautious steps toward her, but you stop a couple feet away.

“Come here, my love,” she says, holding out her free arm.

You close the space between you, tears spilling down your cheeks as you check her over for more injuries, hands hovering unsurely around her. She grabs one of your hands and pulls you into her, hugging you tightly. You bury your face in her neck as you cry, relieved all over again, feeling her warm and solid beneath your hands. She shushes you softly, kissing you wherever she can reach.

“I'm alright, my angel, I'm fine,” she reassures.

“You were hurt,” you correct thickly. “I wasn't there and you got hurt.”

“It's nothing I can't handle,” she replies. She brushes your hair off your shoulder so she can kiss along the expanse of your collarbone. “Why don't we go to my quarters, hm?”

You swallow past the lump in your throat and nod, letting her lead you in the direction of her cabin. Along the way, you spy two new faces; a skinny, blond man whose eyes are wide as he takes in the massive ship, and a dark haired man that follows close behind, looking resigned to his fate. You make a mental note to give them a stern talking to later.

Wanda closes and locks the door to her cabin once the two of you are inside. She turns to you and meets you halfway for a bruising kiss.

The only thought playing on a loop in your mind is that you could have lost her. It's silly, especially knowing her injury is not that serious, but also knowing that she'd gotten hurt and you weren't there to help makes your chest seize uncomfortably. You just need to assure yourself that she really is okay.

Your hands grab fistfuls of her hair as you deepen the kiss into something sharper, messier. Wanda grunts, her own hands sliding down your back until they can squeeze your ass. You moan brokenly into her mouth.

She breaks the kiss to mutter, “Feel me? I'm here, safe, with you.”

“If you think I'm staying behind next time, you're mad,” you respond, licking a hot line up the side of her neck.

Her head tips back as she laughs, the sound teetering off into a gasp when you bite down and begin sucking a mark into her skin.

“I figured you would say so,” she says.

Without a word, you make quick work of undoing the laces of her trousers. She helps you undress her, slipping off her coat and unbuttoning her waistcoat before she reaches for you. Her deft fingers work on removing your corset and dress until you're completely bare. She steps out of her trousers that have pooled at her ankles, kicking her boots off in the process.

The stark contrast of the stitches against her skin is like a punch to the gut. You softly trail your fingers just below them.

“Lie down,” you tell her.

She opens her mouth to protest, but you send her a look that begs her to simply do as she's told, and for once, she listens. She walks over to her bed with you in tow and eases her way onto it. You crawl on after her, sitting between her thighs.

“No teasing,” she intones, tacking on a quiet, “please.”

You hadn't planned on such a thing anyway. Instead of verbally replying, you lift one of her legs and straddle the other, shuffling forward until you can align your pussy with hers. You place a kiss on her calf and then grind forward.

Twin gasps echo in the room, pleasure setting your bodies ablaze. Wanda’s eyes close as she pants at the feel of your wet cores sliding together. It sends a shudder down your spine, mouth falling open as your clit is stimulated perfectly.

“Doing such a good job, my angel,” Wanda praises, making you whine and grind harder. “You feel exquisite. Love feeling your cunt, dripping and desperate against mine.”

“My King, please,” you whimper.

She moans and yanks you down for a kiss, sucking on your tongue, biting your lip. You cry out when her fingers pinch and tug your nipples, hips twitching out of rhythm for a moment before you regain it. Both of your thighs are messy with slick, the sound of it sending heat up to your face, makes your clit throb.

“Come on, then. Let me hear you,” she orders. “Want to see you come apart on top of me.”

You feel a sudden smack to your ass and you're keening, grinding faster as sweat forms across your hairline, on the small of your back. Wanda isn't faring any better, her cheeks flushed a stunning shade of pink. She keeps spanking you, urging you on. Your ass stings, but it's a welcome feeling, a reminder that she's here, below you.

“Come for me, pretty girl,” she requests.

You can only listen, your clit beating in time with your heart as you grind it on hers, moaning loudly when your orgasm consumes you. Wanda pulls you down entirely, shifting you to lay on your side and lift your leg. With pleasure still clouding your mind, you blindly follow her silent instruction. The high of your climax hasn't even receded when she slides two fingers inside you. A surprised whine falls past your slackened lips.

“I've got to get one more out of you, my love,” she informs you, immediately thrusting her fingers at a brutal pace. “I know you can do that for me. Can't you?”

You nod, letting out noises that you're sure the crew can hear. Wanda doesn't seem to care, though, so you can't find it in you to care either. She licks into your mouth, her tongue tangling with yours, making you shiver and clench around her fingers.

“That's it, there you go,” she coos.

Her thumb joins in, swiping over your sensitive clit. You nearly scream her name. She grins proudly, curling her fingers and rubbing over the spot inside you that is sure to have you wailing. It takes only a minute longer and then your second orgasm rushes through you.

“Beautiful, so beautiful, my sweet angel,” Wanda is saying in your ear, kissing along your jaw as spots dance in your vision.

You weakly push at her hand when you become overly tender. She removes her fingers and gathers your wetness, bringing her hand down to her clit and using it to quickly get herself off. She holds your heavy lidded stare until her orgasm takes over. She tosses her head back with a cut off shout, her hips bucking into her hand.

“My handsome captain,” you say, kissing her shoulder. “Took such good care of me. Thank you, my darling.”

Wanda sighs as relaxes. “Always for you.”

You trade sweet nothings and even sweeter kisses for a few, long moments until you remember her injury. The skin around it looks more irritated than before, but she promises that she's fine, kissing away your worries.

You stay wrapped up in each other, running soothing hands over each other’s bodies for a while. When you yawn and blink drowsily, Wanda covers you with the blanket, letting you cuddle up even closer.

You're asleep between one blink and the next.

[dreambunnynotes]

daily reflection: nov. 16th ❤︎

good morning lovely friends! here is what i accomplished and what i could have improved today, to hold myself accountable. it was really effective for me to know that i had posted my goals list on tumblr yesterday where others could see it; whenever i felt like giving in to my adhd brain that tells me that tasks are to be feared, i would simply remember that i had kind folks online who were interested in seeing me succeed hehe, it helped me so much! here is my first day ❤︎

accomplishments:

i completed all of my cleaning goals and more! it turned into a deeper clean than i thought it would be which felt really nice (and is usually how it goes once i get cleaning). it's so lovely to be able to start fresh with a clean working and sleeping space; it's so much easier to feel inspired, be productive, and take care of yourself when your environment is as ready for you as you are for it!

i wasn't going to complete all of my texting and calling tasks, BUT I DID! these types of tasks are the hardest for me to get done because i have pretty intense social anxiety and rejection sensitive dysphoria, and communicating with others both online and offline takes a lot of mental preparation and energy for me. but i did it, and i am so, so proud of myself! in fact...

self-compassion:

not only did i accomplish my original communication goals, i also ended up replying to two friends i hadn't seen in a long time, even though i was anxious! both of them were at my sister's show last night and i was so surprised to see them and a couple of other friends that i had to go have a bathroom cry from the anxiety lol. i had so many emotions coming up; the first was sadness and shame seeing that they had all come in a group together and that i wasn't with them. i joined them two seconds after i saw everyone, but the sadness was still there because i was positive they would have invited me into the group earlier if i had been less isolated this last year, which is where the guilt came in. i realized i had been isolating from my friends for so long out of fear that i wasn't wanted, didn't provide anything to them, and that maybe i didn't have people i liked being around after all, but that is so, so far from the truth; i do have friends who love me and who i love, and all of them were so loving, so kind, and actually sent me messages after the show telling me how much they loved me and how happy they were to see me! it made me cryyyy and feel so many feelings. i have plans to see them next week, and i actually feel like i'm overcoming my isolation era at long last; i'm really proud of myself for having self-compassion and using tools i've learned in therapy to better my life! :')

my next step is to learn more about and overcome this shame i have around letting my friends love me for who i am; the only way to learn more about it is to actually make plans to see friends and be vulnerable; wish me luck 😭💗

improvements to make:

as for my other tasks; i cleaned out one of my emails, but i have so many email accounts that it felt a little bit lacklustre to call that an accomplishment. today i'd like to break down how big the task of consolidating my digital life will actually be so that i can take measurable and consistent steps towards completing my goal (writing that sentence is baffling me right now - bunny from a few days ago never would have realized how much writing out her goals could help her in being less afraid of them! this feels like a huge accomplishment for my adhd brain!)

today felt like a really successful day, and i'm super proud of myself! this was only the beginning of what i actually want to accomplish in a day, but it was such a great way to try it out. i'm excited to see where this journey takes me and how these daily checklists and reflections will affect my productivity; they already have helped so much! if you've made it to the end of this, thank you for taking the time to read about my day, it means so much to me! lets try our best to have another successful day! ❤︎

[fizzing-imagines]

Hellfire After Hours | Billy Hargrove x Plus Size! Alt! Reader

Notes: I've tried uploading this 20 times now until I realized that tumblr won't let me post until I delete the entire smut scene. So here y'all have the censored version (u can dm me for the smut scene lol). Please note that reader is female in this and don't be hard on me, this is my first time writing smut. Big thank you to @billyssillywilly for helping me out. Enjoy!

Bad End: Here

Good End: Here

Warnings: Bullying, Swearing and sexual innuendos

Word Count: 2.5k-ish

Billy wasn't supposed to look twice when you passed by him. You hung out with the freaks, blasted Black Sabbath when pulling into the parking lot, wore dark makeup and ripped clothes. In addition, you had a few extra pounds to you. There was nothing he should be attracted to, but yet he was. He couldn't stop imagining your blood red lips wrapped around his dick, and grabbing your plushy hips while slamming into you. He wanted nothing more than to rip your clothes even further while making you tell him what you do with your freak-friend Gareth Emerson every other day after school. And he hated you for it. He despised you more than anyone else in the school for something that was entirely his fault. And he has tried everything to get you down. Billy has called you a cow, fatso, lard-ass, you name it, he said it to you. But last time, when he called you a quarter pounder, all you said was "At least I get pounded." and it made his dick twitch. And he hated Gareth for getting what he wanted so desperately, but what he hated more was that Gareth not only didn't care what he had to say but also that you protected him. That freak wasn't even your boyfriend, for fuck sake.

Billy Hargrove hated you like nothing else in Hawkins High.

"He's starring again.", Gareth mumbled to you at lunch. The two of you were seated at your table, waiting for your other friends to join. "Who?", you asked with a half-full mouth of mac and cheese. "Hargrove.", your friend-with-benefits replied. All you did was shrug your shoulders and put another fork full of your food in your mouth. "Let him. What is he gonna do, tell me to eat less food?" The last three words were spoken in a mocking tone. Gareth chuckled at your words and looked back at his food, but not before sneaking a glance at your boobs that were practically squeezing out of your Coroded Coffin tube top. You didn't comment since you couldn't blame him. One thing you were confident in is your looks - and you knew that Billy has been thirsting after you. Did you hate him? Yes, absolutely, but knowing that he secretly wanted to bang you was hilarious and such a treat. Speaking of the devil:

"Hey fattie.", Billy called over before standing next to you. "You ain't gonna loose weight if you keep eating junk like a pig." All you did was giggle at his words before replying: "Are you sure you want me to loose weight? My tits would be so much smaller, and I know how much you love starring at them." Billy was flabbergasted for a good second before scoffing and turning heel to walk away, but not before calling you a cow. "You know, I think you'll eventually regret talking to him like that.", Gareth said before eating a fork full of salad. "Oh really? What is the big manbaby gonna do?" You laughed and continued eating.

Just like your friends, you were in the Hellfire Club. Eddie had another campaign, a really good one, but your sorcerer died in a kamikaze attack to save Gareth the Great just an hour into the game. It frustrated you that you had to sit there for two more hours without doing anything, even though you loved listening to how Eddie led his campaign. The party and the campaign were finished after three hours total, leaving you as the next dungeon master for the following two sessions. As always, you volunteered to clean up after everyone so you left last. What you didn't expect was the basketball team to finish at the same time today. They were always done long before Hellfire finished up, so you saw them loading their cars as you walked out of the school. You threw your D&D books in your trunk while hearing the remaining cars driving away. Just as you thought you were alone while slamming your trunk shut, someone stood next to you. "What do you want?", you asked in a condescending tone while putting your school bag into the passenger seat. "You got a real big mouth, you know that?" He fumbled a cigarette out while talking - and he looked pissed. "You know, for someone who will always be a single imbecile. You should be nice, at least if you have to be fat." You scoffed at his words while leaning against your car. Any other day than today you would've made a passing comment, get behind the wheel and drive away. But now, after having your character be killed at the beginning of the campaign, being yelled at by your gym teacher and now Billy saying this you've had it. "You know, you're gonna be one of those husbands who yells at his wife to make him a sandwich and get divorced three times." He glared at you, even though he provoked you. "And your kids won't talk to you. They'll let you rot away in a nursing home while you wonder why nobody loves you." He got closer and looked down on you, probably hoping to intimidate you. It didn't work. "You'll never get the pleasure of a wife who will make you lunch for work and homemade cookies for desert. There is nothing but sadness, Billy." He blew the smoke from his cigarette in your face and pit it out on the roof of your car. "What are you gonna do, huh? Punch me? Do it. Fucking do it, you pussy." You didn't care anymore, the words were spit from your mouth, right at his face. You were fed up with him and his bullshit. But Billy, who cares too much, grabbed you by your jaw and pushed your back against your own car. Admittedly, you were a bit scared now but in some sick way...it made you horny. He looked beyond pissed, a storm was brewing in his eyes, his jaw clenched and nostrils widened. And you couldn't think of anything more attractive. "I hate you, so much.", he hissed out. "How can you not be miserable, looking the way you do." It wasn't a question towards you. More so, he asked himself how you can be happy while he had to suffer by himself. Billy felt how a lump formed in his throat, but he knew he couldn't cry. Not in public, and especially not in front of you.

What you didn't know was that Neil shoved Billy into his bookshelf this morning. He shoved him so hard that the bookshelf almost fell on top of him and his back was bruised. But he couldn't cry - he had to get Max and him to school. All day, it kept building up. His team lost in gym class, he failed math and had to explain that to Neil now, he got detention and now you read him like a book. Everything build up, and it became too much. He needed a way to let it out. That way was you.

"Dude, it's okay to cry.", you told him with a raised eyebrow. "Just do that shit in your car. I'm not your therapist." Billy let you push him off of you easily, giving you the chance to get in your car and drive off.

After that incident, Billy left you alone for two weeks. Even when his friends wanted to tease you, he just told them that you're not worth it and walked away. Gareth, knowing you enough, noticed it at the beginning of week two. "What's with Hargrove?", he asked you while giving you his desert cookie. With a grin, you took it from him while saying: "What's supposed to be with him?" Gareth looked past your head to see Billy eating at the popular kids table without starting a conversation. Only a short glance at you sometimes. "Keeps looking at you, but hasn't said anything in, what, a week?" You smirked at Gareth, winked at him and asked: "Jealous?", which was followed by your other friends at the table, aka Corroded Coffin, making gagging noises. "No seriously, what is it with him?", Gareth kept pushing. You haven't told any of them what had happened with Billy, you didn't want to tell nor have them know. But now that Gareth noticed, they won't stop asking until you told them what had happened. So you told them, whispered everything you could remember to them just quietly enough for nobody to overhear, conveniently leaving out the part where his anger turned you on. Jeff sat open-mouthed without saying a word, Gareth and his best friend started talking about how much of an asshole he is while Eddie sat and watched the other react. "It's not a big deal, seriously.", you reassured them while unpacking your cookie. "His ego is bruised, so what? Big deal." The four guys shared a look while you took a bite of your cookie. What were they on about now? "What?", you asked with a mouth full of food. "Nothing, jeez.", Gareth said before starting to eat his own food again. Eddie changed the topic to D&D after a while, saying he was excited to finish your own campaign later today.

The rest of the day went by fast, but not only for you. Billy couldn't get you out of his mind ever since he pinned you against your car. He was angry at first, not wanting to admit his attraction to you and still asking himself, why you? Then his anger directed itself at your friend, fucking Gareth Emerson, who got anything he wanted from you. At the same time fear got the best of him, because what if Gareth got to you first? What if he took what he thought was his, even though you didn't even pay attention to him when he didn't try to provoke you. And he was convinced that he only wanted to fuck you, but when he thought of you being with Gareth, kissing him, holding his hand or going to some stupid prom with him it made him furious. He didn't want that to happen. So then he got sad, because any chance he might have had with you was out of the window. Who would date someone that called them fat on a regular basis? And since when did he want to date anybody? Nothing made sense to him anymore, so he decided to get to his senses after your D&D session. He patiently waited in front of the theatre room, where your club held it's sessions and listened to you leading the campaign through the door. Your voice was filled with nothing but happiness and excitement as you spoke, and your laugh sounded heavenly to him. His heart started beating faster as he heard the party celebrate their victory and pack up their things. Once again, you volunteered to clean up their leftover cans, snacks and put the figurines away. All four other party members let out a disapproving scoff as they saw Billy leaning against the wall next to the door but he just ignored them and glared at Gareth before going in.

Your back was turned as you sorted the little figurines to each member of Hellfire. You made all of them put their initials on the bottom of each figure that belonged to them after switching figurines up regularly. Eddie started calling you mom after that in a joking manner, even though you were a year younger than him. Not even the door shutting concerned you since you thought it were the boys leaving. Only when you heard a familiar voice say "Quite the view." you turned around to see Billy standing in the room. "What do you want?", you asked him in an annoyed tone. Hellfire Club was the only place where he left you alone, and you wanted to keep it that way. "Look, I'm not here to fight, okay? Just wanna talk." He came closer to you and placed a hand on each side of the table next to you, cornering you once more. "You can do that while respecting my personal space.", you said to him while pressing your back into the table. "You'd run off if I did.", he said. "Listen, (Y/N), I have something to tell you." You can't remember a scenario where he called you by your first name. "The times I was mean to you-" You interrupted him. "You bullied me. Or tried to." Billy just nodded once before continuing "Yeah, bullied you, I guess." What a good start, he thought. "I was...trying to get you to hate me-" You interrupted him once more. "I kind of do, actually." He sighted at your interruption. "Let me finish, please.", he said while trying to hold back his annoyed tone. You simply nodded and let him continue. "I was trying to get you to hate me, because I didn't want to admit to the fact that I like you." He waited for you reaction, but all you did was grin and giggle. "Oh, I know you like me Billy.", you said. "You made it very obvious." There was silence between you two before you spoke again. "I'll let you get in my pants if you promise to be a good boy afterwards." Billy grinned at you, lifted you up the table and started kissing you.

The next hour was a blur. All you could remember was how good you felt, that you moaned his name over and over again and begged him for more. "You okay?", Billy asked you while picking up his and your clothes. "Can't feel my legs..", you mumbled in a tired tone. He chuckled, helped you to sit up on the table and got you dressed. "Let me drive you home.", he said while pulling your shirt over your head. "Are your parents home or anyone I need to make an excuse for?" He lifted your legs up to get your thong back on you. "No, they're in Austin for some business conference. Big sister moved to Tampa years ago, just me and my pet frog." Billy helped you get up from the table, you stood on shaky legs as you looked around the room. "Need to sort the figurines again.", you mumbled as you walked over to the table like a baby deer. "Let me help you, sweetheart." Billy picked up the figurines and dice that were scattered on the ground. "There's the boys initials on the bottom, just put them in piles." You were too distracted with not collapsing due to your legs giving out that you didn't noticed how Billy snagged one of Gareths figurines.

After cleaning up, Billy drove you home. He got you into your room, helped you remove your makeup and get changed into your pyjamas. "Didn't you say that you liked me?", you asked as he tucked you in. "I did, yeah.", he replied with a smile. "Wanna stay the night?" Billy looked down on you. He saw you without your dark makeup for the first time, and you were still so beautiful to him. "If I can take you out after school.", he said while taking off his clothes. You thought about it for a bit before agreeing and he slipped into bed next to you. "Sleep well, sweetheart.", Billy whispered. He turned off your nightlight, gave you a kiss on your forehead and wrapped his arms around your body before both of you drifted off to sleep.

It's been a month since that incident. Billy held his promise and started taking you out every other day, didn't make comments in school anymore and told everyone who tried to to fuck off. First, you stopped having sex with Gareth after week one, then Eddie eventually caught you and Billy making out after school so you had to tell them that you have been seeing him behind their back. And it took them a while to cope with it, especially because this was Billy Hargrove dating a freak, but they accepted it when they saw that you were even happier than before. Billy officially asked you to be his girlfriend a few days ago, much to your friends dismay. "(Y/N), look at this.", Gareth said while looking at something in his locker next to you. His D&D figurine, the one of his character, was laying in his locker. "Told you it would turn up again.", you said to him with a grin. You never told any of the boys what happened that night on the table, and you assumed Billy stole the figure for whatever reason. "Maybe one of the theatre kids found it.", you added while going back to your locker. "Yeah, but it's been, what, three weeks? A month?", your friend continued. "Just be happy it's back." You picked out the books for your next class and put them in your bag, then fished out a plastic bag filled with cookies you and your father made last night. Billy has walked past your locker between every 4th and 5th period since he asked you to be his girlfriend, so you just waited for him to pass by. "See you later.", Gareth said to you while shutting his locker and walking off to his next class. "See ya.", you said while fixing your hair in the mirror you had in your locker. "Hey, sweetheart.", a familiar voice behind you said. The reflection of Billy was in your mirror, to what you turned around with a smile. "Hey there.", you said with a smile. The two of you shared a kiss before you handed him the bag. "I made this for you.", you proudly told him, still smiling. Billy took the ziplock bag from your hands, looked at the content inside it and smiled. "Thought I'd never have the pleasure of homemade cookies.", he said in a teasing tone.

"Well, you earned that pleasure."

[cchickki]

wip snippet winners 📝

based on the results of this poll: (x)

since it was a tie between two of the choices, i'm going to post a snippet of both wips of what i'm working on so far. thank you so much to everyone who voted!

also tagging @chrissymodi-frost because part ii of the pregnancy story was their request :)

snippets are under the cut:

wip of chapter 16 of tomorrow never came

I waited for Peter to say something after I told him everything, but he held his tongue, his eyes darting to another corner of his living room. MJ appeared solemn, ready to speak, but she also studied Peter's odd behavior after I had finished venting.

"Pete... do you know something?" I questioned him, slow to speak.

Peter rubbed his chin, plastering a smile on his face as he shrugged.

"I don't know, Miguel really loves you, you know? There's probably more to it than that." He finally answered.

My mouth hung agape, frustrated by his response.

"How could you not be on my side?!" I retorted.

"I mean, he's under a lot of pressure, not only with the Spiderverse, but Madame Webb." He replied, shooting his hands up defensively.

"Who?"

I had no idea who that was or what he was talking about.

Peter's face fell, immediately burying his face in his hands as if he had realized the magnitude of a screw up.

"Shit..." He swore under his breath.

wip of part ii of surprise!

Miguel was a man on a mission when we arrived at the store. He grabbed a cart and bounded for the feminine products aisle, practically leaving me in the dust as he zig-zagged around the other (slow moving) shoppers. I had to jog to try and keep up with him, his larger frame making brisk-walking appear like a speedy trot.

As we made it to the aisle, a wall of different types of pregnancy tests were displayed. I took one, reading the back of the box carefully for directions and to determine the effectiveness, but as I did that Miguel had started scooping multiple tests into the cart with his arms.

I gaped over at him. I wasn't the only one, shoppers nearby had paused what they were doing to observe the spectacle he was creating.

"Miguel, honey... I don't need that many tests..." I whispered through a forced smile and gritted teeth.

"You can never be too careful." He replied simply.

"I can't even produce enough pee to use all of these tests!" I gestured to our cart.

[forkaround]

Top 3 Personal Favorite BLs of 2022

I would like to start by thanking everyone who replied to my 'What's the appeal of BL?' post. A friend had asked and I felt I hadn't given a satisfying answer but seeing all the reblogs and comments made my heart grow three sizes. These were things I knew to be true. These were things around me, abstract and translucent. And every answer made me so fucking happy. I could see hope. Thank You.

I got into BL this year and I can say, with ease that I've never been happier.

I am a writer. At 15 I had the idea for an epic fantasy. But things changed once I realized the female lead could end up with no one but this other female character. I steeled myself for a difficult battle because since this was gay this won't be published in India. (Back then there was still a ban on homosexuality. Section 377, if anyone's interested. A remnant of the British Raj. Lifted in 2018.) And I told myself this is going to be hard but it's fine. We can publish in the US. Parts of the story take place in the US anyway, and the rest is in another galaxy, so it's okay. We are fine.

At 20, I had an idea for a story where the female lead become the uncrowned Queen of India (Richest, most influential person in the country). Her motto was - Ambition isn't a bad word. I knew this won't be well received since a woman has ambition but I figured it won't be that bad. But I couldn't conceive of this character as anyone but a lesbian. And I knew this would never be made or rather published if she was the main character.

And in rolled the year 2022. I am 23. It's my 24th birthday and I am more excited for something else that's going to happen in two days than I am about it being my birthday and also the day I go to live, by myself, in Germany, miles from where my parents live. I can barely think about that.

All I am thinking about is -

Kinnporsche

This show is fantastic and no one can deny this but to me it's much more than a show because it made me believe there was a market for my stories. That I could do this and the road ahead wasn't as difficult as I'd thought I'd be. And that was because of how much of a phenomenon Kinnporsche was. Still is, idk. It trended worldwide every week. It trended in India every week since Ep 4. Major Indian magazines wrote about it. And for once I thought, maybe India is ready.

Kinnporsche was also a personal phenomenon. I had Sundays blocked off in my Bullet Journal as Kinnporsche Brainrot days. I bought wine for the first time in my life in anticipation of the Vegaspete episode. This show spawned 7 WIPs and added umph to pre-existing projects like the Ambition one I mentioned before. I had the time of my life reading metas and my critical thinking and media analysis skill improved because of this fandom. The fanworks were the first time in my life I've been as invested in the fandom of the fandom as I've been in the media. It glitters like gold. And in-between the changing genres and political scheming, stage blocking and color theory, and tooth rotting fluff and sadomasochism I found hope.

And what Kinnporsche started multiplied with the things to come.

Old Fashion Cupcake

I've mentioned I'm 24. I feel like I'm 40. I am a woman from a conservative country like India. I am queer but that's not the only thing about me that defies norms. And when you are young defying norms is a metric of success. When you go to college, though, things change and everything that you thought were things people were proud of, are suddenly not. All the talk of feminism and equal rights that had people clapping at 15 are all the same things that people snide at you about. It's the same with your family. And once you've finished college. The second that bachelor's degree hits your hand, the first question asked is - When are you going to start searching for a husband? And you've know for a while this is coming. And 25 feels like the end of the world. You can't imagine being 28, 30, 35, 40... And you've not even lived.

Then some guy, 5 years older than you, starts teaching his boss about some anti-aging thing. The boss is just like you, someone who hasn't lived and regrets it and you realize, a thought so powerful that your cry in the middle of the afternoon. There are as many years between me and Nozue as I've lived. It's not exact math but it shocks you down to your every cell. I feel old. But I'm not. Nozue is twice as old as me and I never thought him to be that old. And yes, life still sucks in many ways and yes, the rules of the universe are different for men and women but it also means my life doesn't end at 30. I won't be a haggard, old woman the moment the second hand moves to the next day on my birthday. Even if the world believes it - I don't have to. And it changes me coz all the things I thought I didn't have time for are suddenly things where I have all the time in the world. I have time for cute food. I have time for a cute cat. I have time to make my name. I have time to live.

And then comes something that makes me even more insane than I already am -

Love in the Air

I know. I know. But this is the first time I've seen someone that makes me as insane as Payu does. And I don't mean the department god status or the cool look. I mean the complete balance and grace this guy has. Before him it was Peggy Carter who I thought was just amazing but it was Payu that solidified the idea of why. He defies every expectation put on him. Good guy? No, he has connections to the mafia and can make you vanish with a phone call. Bad guy then? Nope, he is nice to everyone and is a general pleasure to have around. Any bad guy aesthetics are things he is passionate about in a nerdy way. The Cool Guy? Nope, he looks cool sure but it's not his goal to be a cool guy. He wants to be a nice guy. It's being nice that is cool. Nice Guy (derogatory)? Nope, he tests Rain but is pleasantly surprised every time Rain does pass the test. Narcissistic? Nope, he will put his whole pride aside for the man he loves. He will get humiliated for him any day. He is a well adjusted, respected man who is into kink. No tragic backstory, no dark impulses. Just some guy. Who likes kink.

He became dear to me and looking at him is the reason I realized that in order to make my dreams come true I can't just hope and have talent, I need discipline and balance too. But I also need grace to understand others. Enter Parpai. He spotted something wrong with Sky from the few seconds he seemed lost in thought. His priority in the finale was to take care of Sky and not being his hero or being The Hero. He cared about nothing beyond Sky's wellbeing. This is a type of character I can honestly say I've never seen before. The maturity and emotional intelligence shown by Parpai blows me away each time.

The clock struck twelve and I broke my first bottle of Merlot. Here to to an amazing 2023, an insane 2023, a wonderful 2023 and a kind 2023. I end this with love and gratitude, thing that before this year I considered superfluous, especially gratitude. But I've felt more gratitude this year thanks to BLs/GLs/QLs than I thought I was capable off.

What I wanted to do at 15 hasn't changed but now I have hope it can happen and time to make it happen and the balance and grace I would need to help me achieve my 15 year old self's dreams. Coz after a decade of being told it was stupid or unimportant I get to have confidence that all that I felt, things that others didn't agree with are real. And that makes all the difference.

[buckybarnesalways]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

Thank you for this ask. This is gonna be hard to just pick 5 I love all my fics lol.

Would you come home summery: Carlos and TK have a misunderstanding. Tk runs out carlos worries.

Tk relapses

This has to be my number one. It's ths first fic I was confident enough to post. It's my first chapter fic. I was extremely shocked when people actually liked it.

Just a dream summery: Bucky has a nightmare, Steve is there comfort him

This one shocked me,I actually had a dream about this fic and woke up and typed it out at like 4:30 in the morning. When I read it back,I couldn't believe I'd written it. This is probably the fic I read when I realized my sister was right and I really am a good writer.

The unexpected summery:Carlos is gone and tk's world is crumpling

This one has special meaning to me. I actually forgot a whole scene in this one and I asked My sister who is also my editor if she could add it in. She was nervous because she likes to say she can't write. (That's kinda our thing I'm the writer and she's the artist, and we're each other's hype person) I finally convinced her and when she sent it back to me I was floored by how good the part she wrote is. (I actually told her I was gonna print it out and make her read it repeatedly every time she said she was a bad writer)

Nothing ever stays the same summery:Carlos' parents catch him in an intimate moment with TK and Carlos panics

I'm obsessed with this one. I still can't believe this is my writing. My sister also gave me a huge compliment on this one. She said I write Tarlos as if they're real people. (She wasn't amused when I told her it's because they are real) it's one of my biggest fears that I'm gonna write something and it's not gonna be anywhere close to the characters and no one will like it.

My forever summery: Carlos and TK go on vacation

So this one is actually inspired by a photo that Rafa posted. I wrote this one while I was in the hospital. And to the one person who asked for it there will be a chapter 2.

Honorable mention is the wip I'm currently working on. It's gonna be the longest one I've ever written. I'm not even close to halfway through and it's already 8,000 words. Hopefully I can get back to it soon now that I've gotten my anxiety and depression somewhat under control.

Thanks for this @ravens-words this made me look at my fics in better way instead of just yeah I wrote it can't believe people are reading it.

Pretty sure everyone's done this already so I won't tag anyone. But feel free if you want to do it.

[mareenavee]

Talk to me about plot bunnies! Since I know you're largely a planner/outliner, I have a question about what you do with the sorts of lightning bolt, "I wasn't planning on this" story ideas we all I think have to contend with at one point or another. How do you discipline plot bunnies in your writing - do you let them hop around, do you shuffle them into side projects, do they multiply unnoticed? What is the strangest/weirdest plot bunny you've hatched since you started The World on Our Shoulders that you've decided to not pursue after all? Alternatively, was there a plot idea that wasn't planned, but that since then happily made it in and hopped across the page? Bonus: with your editorial hat on, what advice would you give writers who suffer from plot bunny population booms?

HIII So sorry it's taken me a mortal age to get to this one LOL you know perhaps better than most that my writing has had me in a hyper focus for a WHILE. But I'm glad for it. This is fun because in the time since you asked this ONE plot bunny was allowed to escape LOL. I'll get to him in a second. You know the one.

But first, I do generally stick to the plan to get from point A to point B but I allow some creative freedom with the prose. Sometimes cool scenes crop up -- usually character building things. I have to keep an eye on my plot threads but there's still wiggle room. I like to cause problems on purpose. And sometimes if I write a scene and it doesn't quite fit, I move it into a fragment file and return to it later. And if I'm really feeling like the scene might fit sooner rather than later or be more fun to work with, I absolutely will shift cards around so to speak. A whole mini arc got added into the Raven Rock arc (second arc of the fic) because I was just feeling like shaking the jar of beans. Rude of me, I realize. I also dragged part of that encounter down to arc 1 to begin with, toward the end when I decided I was going to make trouble. This usually all stems from my practice of just writing ideas down when they come to me, after having a really long stretch of time where I wasn't really feeling very creative as the world was...well...you know. A few spinoff fics have been created from this. One is my Ondolemar project I'd hinted at here. Well... you did actually LOL. It had previously been unannounced. And I have another one where I'll redo the college of Winterhold later. I'm also really loving some of the prompts we've been coming up with here and there, especially the cursed kiss prompts (Ya'll can thank @thana-topsy's reply to this post for a few of ours at this point.) So at least one of those has become sort of more than expected; a plausible if not tragic end to my fic series.

Considering I'm not really opposed to the challenge of weird, as we've seen lately lol I've definitely decided that if an idea fits, there's a way to make it work within the fic universe or an alternate universe, really. But there was a point where I was deciding who would be a POV character and who wouldn't for World and, before Athis was a POV character (and he was very, very needed for the story) someone else had been. I have a fragment from something very early here in another ask. He'll be returning for the sideways sequel, so it's not that I just decided it was too weird, per se, more that the voice was better for a different idea.

Now on to my favorite plot bunny! VARLAIS. My new OC. My idiot (endearing.) He just...exists now. He was not in draft one. He was not in the first published version of World. But he just happened to be perfect for what I needed when I was, as mentioned, causing problems on purpose for the mini arc I'm currently working on in the WIP. And now everyone is in love with the boy, even though he'd probably break his leg trying to tie his shoes. (You can meet him in this post. ) He is a Thalmor, technically, and a spy. A double agent if you will. But we're not really sure if he's a good one? Somehow he's been surviving. He is being shuffled into the Ondolemar fic I've mentioned above, but for now he's finishing up the Raven Rock arc of the fic with Nyenna and Teldryn. Does his surname sound familiar? It's Ayleidoon for "Stars." It does mean something. Para, I know you've seen this. But, for those of you new to the chaos of a new OC just kind of willing themselves into existence, here's a snippet of the very first instance of Teldryn encountering the boy. This, by the way, was a very stupid mistake on both their parts. (:

From Chapter 25:

He didn’t get far. As he was adjusting the sail and knocking off as much ice as he could from the canvas, he heard the crunch of snow and wood from the abandoned, half-collapsed shack, which he’d completely forgotten to check. He’d barely spotted the Thalmor archer perched on the avalanche before the arrow caught him in the elbow. Pain exploded from the wound as he let out a strangled cry of surprise. His Candlelight spell ended abruptly. Something was wrong. The agony wasn’t isolated to the injury — it was radiating everywhere. The attacker ran to the shore in seconds and tossed a ball of Magelight in Teldryn’s direction. He made a show of jumping into the boat with unnatural grace. The Thalmor threw back his hood, scarred, gilded face grinning maliciously. Pin-straight, straw-colored hair fell forward, left half missing or trimmed away, revealing more angry scars on his skull and a network of burns on his neck that disappeared into his collar. “Goodnight,” he said. That was all. He waited. Bold of him, really. The two of them stared at each other for a moment — the Thalmor smug, Teldryn perplexed. He looked like the kind of person who would deserve to be stabbed in the neck with the same arrow he’d just shot someone in the elbow with. If only Teldryn could reach the damned thing. This was normally not a difficult or slow process. What the hell? Teldryn’s fingers were numb to the bone, more than they should’ve been in his gauntlets. He didn’t feel cold. In fact, all he felt was pain. He found no matter how hard he willed it, he couldn’t get his other arm to reach the arrow protruding out of the joint. The muscles were locking up. It struck him then exactly what this was. Fucking Paralysis poison. He tried to shout, to curse, to cast a spell — anything. But it was too late. He felt himself collapsing woodenly into the hull of the boat. His head struck one of the benches on the way down and his vision swam. He could not yell. Could not struggle. Could not even blink. The Thalmor archer walked toward the back of the boat around his limbs and kicked him out of the way with a derisive snort. His eyes, blue and full of hate in the Magelight, were the last things Teldryn saw before darkness closed around him.

[feathersandfoxtails]

15 questions to get to know me

Bestie @oonajaeadira didn't tag me in this but I'm gonna do it anyway just to spite her.

1. are you named after anyone?

No and I'm a bit salty about that. I have two brothers and they both have family names. My name was picked at random and my middle name was originally going to be my first name until my mother heard a terrible nickname for it at the grocery store. I am so thankful for that because I HATE my middle name and don't use it unless legally required.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Last night! It was just a few tears, but I just started watching Euphoria and have been cruising through it and watched Season 2 episode 5, "Stand Still Like the Hummingbird," which was gut-wrenching and also one of the best episodes of TV I've ever seen.

3. do you have kids?

Nope and that's not going to happen. For the longest time I didn't want kids and then I went through a few years where I did, and now I'm just happy being the weird aunt to kids who aren't even related to me.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

I try not to. The majority of the time it comes off as cruel to me.

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

Weirdly, their hair. It's weird because I know nothing about hair or hairstyles but maybe my eyes just start with the top of the head when I meet someone. But I find myself thinking a lot, "wow, they have cool hair!"

6. what’s your eye colour?

Yellow ring around the pupil, blue ring around the outside, green in the middle. I do love them even though an optometrist once asked me what I say my eye color is and I said, "hazel?" uncertainly and they replied, completely deadpan, "That's a made-up color." So I just say "green."

Also fun fact: my dad and I have the exact same weird eye color AND are the only two in my immediate family who are near sighted.

7. scary movies or happy endings?

scary! sometimes I need a good happy ending, but a lot of the time I get mad when I feel like it's not earned.

8. any special talents?

I'm a really fast learner of anything I'm interested in. Also very good at teaching myself new skills.

9. where were you born?

a stupid town in Minnesota. but now I live in an awesome city in Minnesota and never go back there.

10: what are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, video games, puzzles, knitting, gardening, house projects, and hiking. I just want to be an old timey spinster.

11. have you any pets?

I have the best pets! My two black cats who are twin boys (from the same litter). They're sweet and snuggly and sometimes are assholes and are very entertaining. They totally make my life better and the three of us are super bonded.

12: what sports do you play/have you played?

Growing up my dad and older brother were really into sports and I tried to follow suit but was terrible at everything I tried. I did softball, basketball, tennis, and golf. My other problem was I just didn't care about winning or not and everyone else did, which I thought was dumb. I just wanted to have fun.

Thankfully I also did music and theatre and thrived in those. When I was older I trained in martial arts for ten years, which was the first time I realized all the things my body could do because I wasn't competing, just learning. I also do open water swimming in the summers, just because I really like to swim.

13: how tall are you?

5′9″

14. favourite subject in school?

"Language Arts" (English) was always my favorite, as well as orchestra, theatre, and art.

15. dream job?

I want to be retired and travel a lot. Seriously. If I had the choice, I would not work. Or maybe run a B&B in Costa Rica.

tagging: @beecastle @serpentstyles @nissameta1782 @trinikins @sunflowersturn and anyone else who is interested: MAKE A NEW POST with your answers!

[bisamwilson]

I’m sorry my ask annoyed you. I honestly wasn't trying to, I was asking after your opinion and thus shared my viewpoint on it as well. I don't think that to be discourse starting. It wasn't a guise. I wanted it to be an exchange of different opinions/viewpoints between two people because not everyone shares the same views and I sought to hear more details from someone else’s perspective. I wanted you to share yours so I shared mine, that way you could understand where I was coming from and then I could read your viewpoint and understand yours if you replied. I wasn't asking for justification or an argument. I only wanted to hear why you shipped them and how you saw them together. Which you provided. Thank you.

But I realize my ask was unsolicited and came out of nowhere which isn't right. I should have led into the conversation rather than just dump all of that into one single ask. It was a lot all at once. Thank you for replying nonetheless and for sharing your views on the ship. I’m sorry I caused you to be annoyed/irritated. That wasn't my intention.

gonna start this out by saying i don't plan on answering another ask about this after this one

a conversation here ALSO would not have been appreciated bc the last thing the vast majority of anyone who ships anything wants is someone starting a conversation with them with plans to eventually tell them why they don't actually like the ship you ship.

you might not have been around my blog long enough to remember me posting about this stuff when st*cky shippers started coming into the s*mb*cky tag (blocking the name out just bc i don't want this showing up in the tag, as it's not about the ship, even though i adore the latter ship) and talking shit about the latter ship because they just "didn't see the chemistry" and "didn't understand how people could ship it when st*cky were so obviously meant to be soulmates" or whatever the fuck, but i really did not take kindly to that, and wouldn't have even if it wasn't ship wars based. i might clown on ships on my own personal blog (always blocked out so nothing shows up in tags) or with my friends that i know have a similar opinion, and i might even really dislike a ship to the point that it makes me want to block every instance of it and all the people who regularly post about it, but i'd never start a conversation with them with the intentions of telling them all the reasons i personally actually really disliked it, unless they started shit first

like, i understand you were trying to understand, which is fine. again, if the first ask had simply been, "what do you like most about phee and tech?" or "what made you ship techphee in the first place?" i would have been happily gushing about the chemistry i see between them, i'm sure. but if that conversation you think you should have led into at all included your opinion on disliking tech and phee together, i can assure you i would have been just as mad because, quite frankly, i did not ask. i did not plan on asking. i do not want to know. i am not particularly sympathetic to your opinion, and even less so now, and all i wanted was to be left alone to be happy about the ship i thought was cute getting screen time of them being soft and flirting with each other

but the fact of the matter is that saying things like "as if it's 'funny/cute' to watch someone who doesn't understand social cues or needs time to adjust to interactions be thrown for a loop" (implying that the ship is problematic as it's a way to make fun of a neurodivergent character) and "their line of overused tropes that more so appeal to the masses of heterosexual neurotypical viewers" (to someone who is very much not heterosexual, by the way, and is very vocal about that) is going to be taken as inflammatory and discourse-starting, because it is. those are highly charged things to say, with a lot of negative emotional weight behind them, which is the prime breeding ground for discourse, especially when tacked onto an ask whose purpose is to ask why i don't think that way. it felt very "well i see that this ship is problematic for x and y reasons, why do you not see it?" nothing in that ask read like it was asked in good faith and, even with this added on explanation of intent, it still is hard to ignore how charged your (once again, unsolicited) reasoning for disliking the ship was. it felt almost accusatory, which is why it felt like a demand to explain myself

like i said, i don't really want to keep going with this conversation. i mostly just wanted to answer this second ask to say please don't go out looking for a conversation partner with the express intent of eventually offering your viewpoint, which is essentially shitting on a thing that they like. ask people why they like the ship if you want to know, and end the conversation there. keep your opinions on your own blog, and i'm sure you'll eventually find someone who shares them to talk about it with, but like keep your negativity about it from the people who love/like/enjoy it. i can assure you they do not want it, and they didn't ask.

[deathmcth-archived]

This isn't a callout and i don't want it to be treated that way. i dont want this reblogged and i'm going to be turning off replies for this post. the intentions behind this post are to strictly make people aware of what's going on and why i'm leaving this blog for good. i do have a backup blog currently in the works, and i've already deleted the majority of the info i've made on ayalon and saved it elsewhere, just in case that gets copied too.

If any of you wanna talk about this privately with me, my discord is cloves#2852

i'm gonna be blunt and say i really don't know if i'm even gonna bother coming back. and i'm sorry it took just one person to ruin this experience for me. If you feel that this isn't something you need to take seriously or invest much care into, that's fine; this post isn't meant to ask people to be reactionary and you are free to do with this information what you will. but this is something that has impacted my time here and I wanted to speak up on it. again, this is just me explaining why i'm leaving this blog, and creating a whole new one that's going to be extremely private (if i do decide to come back).

i do want to thank the people that came to be privately about the situation and let me know what was up, and thank you for validating my feelings and telling me that i'm not crazy for seeing the similarities. i'm not gonna namedrop you guys because i dont want you dragged into anything, but i still really wanna thank you.

this is going to sound really harsh and im sorry for that, but i'm not going to be interacting with people that RP with falseamore. i thought about how i wanted to proceed with this, and at first i thought 'ok, just quietly softblock the people that interact with them and that'll be that.' but they're a very popular RPer, and i realized that if i were to go that route, i would be softblocking every single one of my mutuals. so i figured i might as well just make a whole new blog, and if i end up having only one whole RP partner there, i'm ok with that. because again, i dont want anyone to feel obligated to do anything, so i'm making the decision to leave things as they are here and start somewhere else. if you wanna know where i'm at, we can talk about it, but i'm standing my ground with this decision. seeing falseamore all over my dash after what they did has made me incredibly uncomfortable.

i want to apologize again for putting this on people's dash. i know everyone has a strict 'no drama' policy and if you dont want to interact after this, i understand. but being here has stopped being fun for me, and i feel like i can't post anything anymore without worrying about my stuff being taken. i've had a character stolen from me before on tumblr, and it's really not a good feeling. i'm also not about to turn the other cheek like i did the first time it happened. i know this is just a hobby, but please try to understand why i'm upset. especially because they didnt need to do this. i used to be mutuals with falseamore until i quietly softblocked them ( there's no drama or "tea" there, i just wasn't vibing with them anymore. that's it. no bad blood ), and soon after that they made a character that is eerily similar to ayalon. i know they made a post and casually mentioned that they had this character for 8 years, but why did they bring him back now, after i softblocked them, and why is he a near copy of ayalon? i'm not the only person who noticed, and it's because multiple people have come to me with their concerns that i had the courage to even post this in the first place.

i don't own death/life and im certainly not saying here that absolutely no one else can make characters that represent one or both aspects. i want everyone to have creative freedom and i love other characters that are centered around death as a whole. make death gods, make death incarnations; i understand that some characters are going to be similar to each other and that's ok! but what i'm getting at here is how falseamore created a character that is, and i'm quoting this from an RP mutual who came to me first about the similarities, "ayalon but in a different font" right after i had softblocked them. i really want to make it clear here that i'm not trying to seem controlling or like i'm trying to say that only i can make a character that is an incarnation of death. and i'll repeat that as many times as i need to to get my point across.

under the readmore is going to be most of the stuff i'm talking about.

i'm going to start from the beginning here, and sorry if this doesn't all make sense! i've never had to do something like this before. AGAIN THOUGH. this aint a callout, i really know it seems like one, i'm aware of that. it's just an explanation as to where im coming from.

here's proof we were mutuals and have interacted. i want to get that out of the way first. at the time their url was unfathomablebeings

in november of 2022 i reblogged a commission i got of ayalon that shows exactly what he looks like, minus a few details (namely his piercings). here's the post, and a snippet of falseamore interacting with the post. so they knew what he looked like while making their current death oc, as well what ayalon's personality is like.

below is their death character that they created (or brought back, whichever one) shortly after i softblocked them. below that is ayalon's own description on his bio page as well as some of his personality traits. some characters are just going to be similar, yes, but things are just.. too similar, you know? especially because they knew about ayalon. we've interacted. sure, this could be the case where an oc doesn't look exactly like the fc, but it still doesnt erase the fact that this faceclaim looks like ayalon's canon appearance. the fringe, long and unkempt hair, the ashe blond, the kind of piercings and their placements, and the tattoos.

i wouldn't have cared too much about appearances if it just ended at that. lots of OCs have tattoos and piercings in the same places. there's only so much room on a single body. but even their personalities are similar. Vulgar, crude, no filter. That's a big part of who ayalon is and it's gonna show in more screenshots coming up.

i get that these are all very broad traits for an oc to have. but it continues to strike me as odd that falseamore has given their Death OC the very same characteristics as ayalon. if these features were given to any other OC, there would have been absolutely no problem. so why did they decide to "bring back" this character, and give him nearly the same appearance and personality traits as ayalon? is it because i softblocked that they decided to take inspiration from ayalon to continue RPing with a similar character? either way, it's made me uncomfortable.

the whole point of this blog is to RP a fallen God who's now a tattoo artist and a piercer. i have ayalon's occupation in his bio and in my pinned post, as well as most of his interactions have been ayalon being someone's go-to guy for body modifications. so him being a tattooo artist and a piecer is nothing new, that is what this blog is based on. everyone who's interacted with him or at the very least, seen ayalon knows that's the theme here. here's a quick thing of my bio again where it plainly states that ayalon does tattoos and piercings.

this is falseamore's Death's first interaction with other people. he's offering to be their piercer. again, why is it that this character has another thing in common with ayalon? something that this blog is heavily based around- ayalon giving people body modifications. ayalon is death/life incarnate, with a vulgar personality and an knack for trying to convince people to get a piercing.

they have also created a character that is death incarnate, has a vulgar personality, and a knack for trying to convince people to get piercings. these also show how similar their death's appearance is to ayalon.

here's some screenshots i took of ayalon also doing something similar when first interacting with people. (suggestive content tw;)

everyone's free to hold their own opinions on this and how important it actually is. but to me it's hurtful. even if they didn't mean to copy what i have for ayalon, they still obviously took inspiration from what i've worked on and i'm still entitled to feel how i feel about it. it makes me feel crappy that they're being praised for a character that they.. blatantly ripped off from me. i know this is something so very, very minor, but after going through this once before, i've learned that i need to stick up for myself when i see something that i don't like.

i'm reiterating here that if i lose all of my mutuals over this, that's ok. that's fair. i'm going to archive this blog and you won't hear from me again. i'm not going to stick by people who interact with falseamore strictly for my own comfort, nor am i going to tell people to "choose a side" here. this was only just so people know what im talking about. this really does suck, i'm sorry. being here isn't fun anymore when i know this is happening. if i do come back, it's not going to be on this blog.

my discord will be open if people want it.

[crescendo-system]

Man, I had some dreams featuring friends I miss and reuniting with them... One was a best friend who passed away came back, in the dream the explanation was that it had been a misunderstanding or cover story or something, and I was so relieved and excited - and I leapt on the chance to talk to him more, catch up and ask him things I never got to talk about with him. That's one of my biggest life regrets....

The other I had slightly more mixed feelings about - I'd accidentally lost my temper on a friend and chewed them out at a bad time once, I tried to apologize the next day and say I'd be understanding and give them space.... The problem then was, they went entirely radio silent for several months without any acknowledgement of my apology whatsoever.... I'd eventually sort of ended things because I got fed up when, after seeing them post One thing in a group server after all that time and I replied, trying just to be responsive and present, they immediately went back to the cold shoulder treatment... then they tried. Following and interacting with my main blog via likes after a bit??? I wasn't graceful, I made a vaguepost saying if they weren't going to talk to me, then to quit following my blog. The mixed signals with Zero 'verbal' communication was just too much for me.

In the dream itself, they'd rejoined the group server somehow without my knowing, and was socializing with everyone by the time I'd logged on. They greeted me happily and said they were sorry for that weird spate, but they were back, and in the dream I was just so happy to see they weren't. Mad or scared of me or whatever it was...

I've had moving stress lately, but I've also been stinging bc I realized recently someone I wanted to call a friend and seemed to want me as one too just. Never really tried to do anything on their end for or towards me. I'd try to offer verbal support (and definitely unhelpful "help".. but it was meant to be a thought that counts gesture at least...) and they'd just shut me down with their own hangups and baggage eg 'thanks but I just Can't feel that way so what does it matter' type talk... and then I realized that while I'd try to be supportive, they didn't really engage with me in any way first. It was always me initiating, on their vent posts, and them turning down any sentiment I had... I wanted to be there for them but it just. Hurt too much.

I feel like I must be the one doing something wrong, bc stuff like this Keeps Happening with my friendships online, but also I can't figure out what bc the consistent theme seems to be "well I may be communicating poorly but at least I'M communicating, or trying to... what are you guys doing tho" which. Even if it's my fault, makes it hard to entirely blame me? If only from a 'I literally am Uninformed' angle...

Just. Blegh. I do want to make friends and form lasting bonds, but I'm running repeatedly into situations where for one reason or another it falls apart and it's not Entirely on me... I Guess my standards could be too high but I mean. A relationship kind of relies on communication to exist, right....? Idk

[kmgkmg]

“almost included a lil text abt hosh accidentally adding joshua to a gc that he meant to add vernon and gyu to....hosh wouldve sent something like "so how long do yall wanna bet it's going to be until they're engaged" and joshua would wait for everyone to place their bets and then be like "well now you all owe me money since we just got engaged" *sends a pic of his hand and an engagement ring* BUT ALAS. i settled on a dating anniversary instead. just know in that universe, they would eventually get married (an extra little epilogue just for you anon)”

ynshie….marriage…..real…..(i explode into tiny little pieces) i actually screamed and nearly rolled off my bed when i read “well now you all owe me money since we just got engaged” like i prayed for times like these FR!!! (i dont think ill ever get over ynshie ever this extra epilogue will live in my brain thank you so so much 😭😭🫶🫶)

also THERE WAS A PLAYLIST BREAKDOWN?? actually dropping everything to read it all while listening to the playlist im so excited to read it rn tysm <33

(also i just noticed that u posted a ww fic??? omw to read it rn . angst will not stop me) (i will eat my words soon)

-⛺️

put my reply under the cut so our message won't be too long on the dashboard but 😗🫳*picks up the little pieces of u one by one that have exploded*

BUT YEAHHHHH!!!! there are so many lil headcanons abt this fic anonnie!!!!!!!!!! since u like the lil nuggets.. i'll shower u in some unused photos and their What Ifs!!

1...firework/sparkler pic: remember the tweet after cabin wars when joshua realized how cute reader looked when they were happy...yeah reader would've had that realization too on the 4th!!!!! joshua probably asked vernon to take the pic and he would post it on main being kinda fuckboyish but reader and joshua would (obliviously) be flirting in the comments. like get together alr 🙄 2...vernon/josh preoccupied on their phones: reader would send this pic to hoshi and be like "they've been trying to figure out how to load a tiktok compilation vid onto the tv for the kids...who's gna tell them that i hid the remote? 😝" reader just being chaotic since hoshi would b gone that day for personal reasons or smthn 3...joshua bed pic: I WAS SOOOOO TEMPTED TO USE THIS ONE! the thing is though it looks soooooo like Professionally taken, yknow? but it would've been vernon being a little cupid, texting reader like "we mentioned your name and suddenly bro is wide awake" LIKE LOOK HOW PRECIOUS HE LOOKS???? it could pass for him being infatuated w you and UGHHH yeah!!

4...mud masks: the camp has rewarded the counselors for taking care of the campers all summer! free spa day for all of them! except nobody told joshua and hoshi where the mud bath was and the spa was nature themed so um. when they saw a pool outside of the changing rooms with mud, they automatically thought that it must be the place w rejuvenating mud for the skin! yeah no...it's just an old pool that hasn't been cleaned. so they have actual dirty mud/clay on their face. reader and vernon come back from buying snacks like ??????? how are you so muddy when we didn't even tell you where to go??? and reader takes that pic of them just utterly shocked like !!!!!! wym that pool wasn't even a part of the spa?!!??!! 5...karaoke night: again, a counselors only type of event. they would go to the local pub and have fun (maybe drink, maybe not idk!) but you and hoshi would encourage joshua to sing and vernon to rap! joshua would go after you kept whining, he's a sucker for you, and ofc start singing sunday morning. reader would tweet the video and caption it like "living up to the username i see @/sundaymorning" 6...pfp: ok this one is the most nugget of nuggets but i was considering making this joshua's pfp/icon for reader and joshua's texts! it would b for after they're together! i was gna add a bit abt how he makes funny faces to cheer reader up. he made that face one day during one of your facetimes, so you screenshotted it and always look at his contact pic when you feel down!

if you did get the chance to check out the breakdown i would b soooo interested to know which song(s) u think fits the series the best!! i def have my own picks for the ones i listened to a lot and used the most 🤭

THE WONU FIC!!!!!!!! my friend is a wonu stan and i was texting her like... yeah almost done w the wonu angst.. and she was like WONWOO?? ANGST????? 🤲 it was soooo funny bcos she's v chill but she was eating up the little sections of the fic that i was sending her hehe

i also made two mbs on my other sb for the wonwoo fic: one based more on the vibes and one based on the aes! the one w wonwoo's face kinda flopped and i'm like 👁️ interesting... @ the followers on that blog

sorry for the late reply!! but hope u had a nice day <333

[beautifullychaoticworld-blog]

hi, i saw your reply to theambitiouswoman post about not being ready for a relationship and i just wanted to say i relate to your comment so much. i’m currently trying to get out of this dynamic with a dude who i, too, have been telling him he has been smothering me and he’s just overall too clingy for me. tried to break up today actually and here we are, still in the dynamic. he just makes it very hard to do it. i just no longer want to be in this dynamic with him anymore so i’m drained. but i guess it’s my fault too bc i’m trying to be kind to his feelings, when ik if roles were reversed a dude wouldn’t hesitate to stop talking to a girl they think is clingy. ik i’m going to get out of it, i just wish it wasn’t as hard as it is for me right now. i really appreciated your comment tho bc it made me feel not alone in my feelings, so thank you

I'm happy that you feel less alone with your situation because of my comment. It's something that I experienced twice with two different guys... and it's really weird situation to be in because he's ready but I'm not... he needs to give you more time for your feelings to grow for him or he needs to make you fall in love with him (especially since you didn't choose him but he chose you instead).

It was harder for me to get rid of the first guy because he was chasing me around everywhere in the city, he was trying to manipulate me, then he was following me on Facebook and eventually started blackmailing me when I wasn't doing what he wanted and he was so angry that I had to say something like I'll call the police if you don't leave me alone. He couldn't understand when his behavior was threatening... then I changed cities and I felt a bit safer and away from him.

I did tell him I wasn't ready but then he got angry and couldn't believe it because his ex was madly in love with him, he was ready to marry me even and I had just met him... (well, I'm not his ex). He wanted a relationship fast and NOW. We were doing this on and off for a few years from summer 2016 until covid and that isolated me from him (and some other toxic friends I had) and was already in another city away from him. Obviously he got even more angry from the situation with covid and I heard that domestic abuse cases were rising during the pandemic. End of 2020 is when we last chatted and I wrote to him that I'll call the police and he went away. I think it was also bad timing (wasn't the right time for me since I had other things going on in my life) and also maybe it wasn't meant to be.

It definitely felt like he was rushing, pressuring and smothering me...

Yes exactly, if the roles were reversed and I was the one showing more interest than him he'd probably choose another girl instead or say he was interested in another girl all along, how she was better than me or he’ll talk about his exes and he’d try to make me jealous... and wouldn't care about my feelings at all.

The second guy I dumped last winter after 4 months of dating once he told me and made me realize I wasn’t ready with him too or maybe I’m not ready in general with anyone... then he was like “What really?! K. You will never hear about me again” and he blocked me on Facebook. He sounded butt-hurt though.

With the right guy that you like you would be ready... and also it has to be mutual. You would feel happy with him. It’s best to not rush anything and don’t succumb to other people’s timelines and pressures about getting into a relationship or getting married at a certain age... because everyone is different and it’s not that simple. Let it happen naturally and don’t force anything.

Hope sharing my experiences was helpful for you in some way.