#also tell me why i just chugged a bottle’s worth of milk. like i put some in a water bottle from home bc i have none here at my uni house

[hella1975]

ough

[smol-and-grumpy]

Light My Fire - CH07

Pairing: CEO!Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: She always thought her boss was an ill-tempered man, but when he presents her with a proposition she can’t quite deny, she gets to know him better. It’s not bad, right? Because all she has to do is being fake married to him for six months, sounds do-able, right? Right.

Warnings: Flangst, feelings, teasing

WC: 2803

Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons​​​​ <3

SERIES MATSTERLIST 

BECOME A PATRON ~ BUY ME A COFFEE

Dean returns from outside, sets the glasses down and pours the wine into it. He walks into the kitchen, takes out two bottles of water and sets them on the table. “What you wanna eat tonight?” 

Y/N shrugs, she really doesn’t mind. She knows what he likes to eat and she likes the same thing too, “I don’t know, what do you wanna eat?” 

There’s a small grin on his face and it turns wider, more cocky too, and he wriggles with his eyebrows. 

Oh my god.

She just walked right into that one, didn’t she?

“Jesus, Dean, I didn’t mean me!” She mumbles, rolls her eyes and Dean has to laugh out loud. 

“Well, that’s a shame because I love how you taste,” He winks, turning around to take out the delivery leaflets. 

She’s glad that he doesn’t notice the red in her cheeks.

*

They have settled for Thai and they held a stupid competition on ordering the most spicy dishes and eat it. She won, but at what cost.

The bell rings right when they both are chugging milk over the sink with tears in their eyes. Dean was already standing up straight to go to the door but he didn’t need to, because they hear the key turning in the lock and then, Sam Winchester walks right in. His eyes widen when he sees them both huddled by the sink in the kitchen.

“Uh, Am I interrupting something?” Sam asks with raised eyebrows.

“Nah,” Dean winks, “Come in.”

Sam nods, looks at them both with a grin before he walks over to the couch. They follow him after drinking a mouthful of milk.

“What is it, Sammy?” Dean asks, sits next to Sam and she makes herself comfortable on the other side of Dean, pulls the blanket over herself to hide her bare legs and pussy. 

“Just wanted to come by and give you a quick update,” Sam says. He looks from Dean to her and she can’t miss the grin on his face, “How’s it going with you guys?”

She shrugs and tries to keep a straight face, “Eh, he’s okay,”

“Hey!” Dean shouts out, “I’m more than okay, alright?” 

Sam burst out laughing, “Yeah, well, I don’t have much time to listen to you two bickering, but I have a court date. It’s going to be in a month. So everything should be over by then.” 

“Meaning?” Dean raises an eyebrow.

“Meaning that you need to live together for at least a month and afterwards you can go back to what you were. You stay married on paper for another four months after the court date and after we win, of course, and it’d be good if you can sometimes go to social events together. Just to keep up the facade.”

“Oh,” Dean says, “Yeah, that sounds good, doesn’t it, Y/N?”

He puts her right on the spot and she feels quite uncomfortable, “Yeah,” She answers. “Yeah, great.”

“Amara’s lawyer called me today, though. Said he believes that your marriage to Y/N is fake.” Sam pauses to snort out a laugh, “Well, I’ve seen the picture of the gala. Good job, both of you.” Sam eyes Dean and then her, before his gaze returns to Dean and Sam nods.

Dean shrugs but there’s a little smirk on his face, “We try.”

“Dean, you have to inform your employees that you two married in secret and kept in under wraps because you didn’t want to jeopardize your work relationship. Do they know this already? It’s important for when someone comes snooping.”

“I actually had a meeting with my staff today. Told them that we have been secretly dating for a while before we decided to take the next step.”

Her eyes widened. So they all know? She can be glad that she isn’t close to anyone else in the company other than Ruby. Otherwise there would have been questions that neither she or Dean would want to answer.

We decided to take the next step. She laughs to herself. How very business-like and not at all romantic. But that’s totally Dean. Because yeah, he sees it as another business deal and she knows that she should too.

��The lawyer also said that Amara would agree to annul the marriage if she can get 30% of your net worth.”

“SHE WHAT?!” Dean leans back on the couch, clasps his hands over his face and rubs at it. The sound of his palms rubbing over his scruff is loud in the room that just went silent after Dean’s outrage.

“Yeah,” Sam says, “But we have the upper hand in this. You guys are already married so Dean marrying again in Vegas was illegal. The court will grant us an annulment if we play our cards right. That’s why it’s crucial for us that you keep up your fake marriage and try to convince the court that what you have is real. I did my best with the documents, there’s no worry about that.”

“Well, that’s reassuring.” Dean scoffs, and Sam frowns at his brother.

She can see that Dean’s very much tired of it all.

“Anyway, I need to get going. Oh, and I have a meeting with Amara in two days. You wanna join?”

“Over my dead fucking body,” Dean hisses.

*

They settle on the couch after Sam leaves, and he hands her the remote. She zaps through the channels, settles on a movie that has already started. Cocktail. It’s easy viewing and that’s probably just the right thing since she can’t really concentrate anyway with Dean next to her. Not when she knows how he looks underneath his clothes. Not when he’s wearing his shirt and her pussy is throbbing. He made her come twice earlier already, she should get a fucking grip. 

“Aren’t you worried?” She has to ask. She can’t not just ignore it.

He shrugs, “I’m not happy about it but I’m not worried. Not really, no.” It comes out too easy, as if he is truly not worried in the slightest, and Dean sees the frown on her face. She’s sure that he sees the pout on her lips as well. He reaches out, thumbs over her bottom lip, “Don’t worry about it, alright? I got this.” 

She nods. She really wants to believe him. She does. She’s doing this because she wants to help him — double pay aside — because Dean’s a good boss. A little short tempered but he has the company's best interest in mind. He can also read people very well and offers people opportunities to prove themselves if he sees that someone has potential. Like Donatello? He started in the company as a fucking janitor and now he’s leading a sales team. Y/N helps Dean because she wants everyone to keep their jobs and be happy, and another thing is that she really can’t stand Amara so it would be a double win if they can get rid of that bitch, too.

They watch the movie in silence for a while. It’s when she starts to yawn that Dean suggests she lays her head in his lap, and honestly, it looks inviting and the smile on his face is big, she couldn’t find it in her heart to say no to him. 

He strokes her head, when she lays down and they continue to watch but she just can’t really concentrate with Dean playing with her hair. 

“You like that movie?” Dean asks, his fingertips trailing along her jawline, which sends goosebumps throughout her body. 

“No, but I like the scenery.” It’s the truth, the movie is not really her style but they’re in Jamaica and it looks picturesque with the clear blue water and white sand.

“Have you ever been there?” 

She has to snort out a laugh at that, “No, I couldn’t afford it in a million years. But maybe one day I will be able to. Once Jack is earning his own money I can save some for myself.”

It’s silent for a long while until Dean suddenly speaks, “Maybe I’ll have a job for him once he’s done.” 

She frowns and sits up, pulls her knees to her chest. Dean’s body is still close to hers, she can feel the warmth radiating from him, “He won’t take it.” 

“And why’s that?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Because Jack would know that you’ll just do it out of pity and he’s too proud to take the offer.”

“Well, I can make him sweat for it, if it helps,” Dean has a boyish grin on his face. Something she’s never really seen on him. It makes him look younger. Makes him look relaxed. It suits him. She could get used to seeing it more often.

Y/N has no doubt that Dean is able to do that. He’s been doing that for longer than she knows him, making people sweat, that is. But it’s not for her to decide. Jack is his own person. Even though sometimes, she still thinks that he’s a little nugget and needs to be protected but he is very capable of making his own decisions. The only thing she always tells him to do though, is to own the decisions he’s making. He has to be able to live with every consequence of his decision making and so does she. Like, right now, when she feels Dean’s hand come up to pull her into him and that is because she agreed to be his wife. It’s a decision she made and she’ll deal with everything that comes with it.

“How are you feeling?” He changes the subject, probably feels that he’s invading her privacy when they talk about Jack.

“I feel good,” She smiles and leans her head on his shoulder, tilts her head up to look at him, “It’s certainly not what I was expecting,” 

Dean cocks an eyebrow, “Better or worse?”

She has to grin, “Better,”

“Good, I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay,” 

She knows that he does. He has a weird obsession with making sure that she’s okay. It has been like that since she started to work for him. Dean was grumpy and loud, yelled around a lot but at the end of the day he’d always come by and asked her if she was doing okay. The behaviour scared her at first but she somehow puts it down to some kind of OCD. He is obviously someone who likes to have control over every aspect of his life.

“Can I ask you something?” She asks and gets nervous all of a sudden.

“Anything,” Dean answers without a second thought. He didn’t even pretend to take a couple of seconds to think.

“I was going to ask you if I could have my job back?” She squints her eyes, a little afraid of his reaction and she doesn’t even look up at him, instead she keeps her head on his shoulder and looks straight into the TV.

Dean doesn’t say anything for a long time and she’s really afraid that he’ll say no. She listens to his breathing, feels his chest moving, hears his heart beating. 

“You know,” Dean sighs, “I was kind of hoping that you would want to come back.”

“You were?” She sits straight and looks at him to see that he’s grinning. So she was so worried for nothing. 

“Yeah,” He smiles, “You didn’t talk to Ruby, did you?”

“No, I was too wrapped up with— you know, you a-and— Jack.” 

Dean chuckles, and takes his arms from around her to rub at his scruff. He leans forward, takes a sip of water before bracing his elbows on his knees, and she follows, sits close enough to lay her face on his back. She can hear his heartbeat even better. “Yeah, uh, I was so close on firing her today but then I thought that I would be left with no assistant at all. So, yeah, you can come back.”

“Dean!” She punches his arm and he chuckles. 

Y/N can hear the vibrations of his voice. Hears it deep inside of him, and she can feel every back muscle moving. It’s so sexy, she can’t lie about it.

“In my defense—” He looks back and starts to talk, but then he stops. She rests his chin on his back. He changes the subject abruptly, probably knowing that she’ll hear it from her friend anyway, “Tomorrow you’re coming back to work as my PA because you’re my wife.”

“Your fake wife,” She adds. She needs that reminder herself. 

“My fake wife,” Dean agrees, his lips are pressed into a thin line, his dimples showing. She calls them his dimples of discontent. He does have dimples of content as well, but they are rarely seen. People in the office say that it’s a myth.

“So, your PA?” She raises an eyebrow.

“It’s the best solution. You’re my wife, I can’t let you handle other things.” 

She grins, “So you just let me handle your thing.” 

There’s a blush in his cheek and Dean clears his throat before his face settles on a frown.

Y/N pokes her head under his armpit with a smile. He basically holds her in a headlock, and Dean opens his arm a little more so she can fit in better. She kisses his cheek, whispers a “Thank you,” 

“You wanna call Ruby?” He asks and looks down at her, his double chin showing. He looks damn cute. 

“Nah, I’m gonna surprise her. But I’m going to bed.”

“It’s only 10pm?” 

Dean’s right. It’s not that late yet. Well, he’s probably more used to staying up late because she has a lot of meetings outside of work as well, but she isn’t used to it and honestly, her body feels tired. She can’t wait to hit that comfy mattress. 

“I have to show up on time tomorrow, my boss will be angry if I’m late. Maybe he’ll even fire me.” She makes a disgusted face.

He smirks at that, “He will fire you for being late? That sounds a little extreme.”

“Oh,” Y/N scoffs, “I’m telling you, he’s the worst. One little misstep can get you fired. I told him to change his attitude a little, and I hope that he takes my advice.”

“Has he ever treated you badly?” There’s something in Dean’s eyes. Something she can pin point as remorse. But maybe she just imagines it.

She smiles, “No, actually, he never did lash out at me. He was probably close a couple of times, though. But I’ve seen him take out his anger on others that I know try their very hardest, and that’s not fair either.”

Dean lets out a snort, “You know what? Your boss sounds like a dick.”

“He is, but I like him.” She grins, sees Dean smiling back, “Okay, I’m going to get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, and thank you again.” She kisses his cheek once more, and she feels him leaning into her kiss. 

When she gets up, Dean grabs at her wrist, making her fall back on him and he manhandles her into straddling him. It takes her by surprise as well as the kiss that follows. His big palms are cradling her face, pulling her down, his tongue teases at her bottom lip, “I’ll try to change, okay? Thanks for telling me.”

“Okay,” She says, nodding and he grins, pulls her in once more. He kisses her soft and gently, tongue sliding smooth alongside hers, and she lets herself fall, weaves her arms around his neck.

Y/N’s awfully wet down there already and she can’t help but grind onto his growing bulge. His hands are on her ass cheeks, kneads them, as he pushes and pulls to help her grind on him.

Before it can get too heated, he breaks the kiss and leaves his forehead on hers, “You should go to bed, I’m not sure I can restrain myself from fucking you if you don’t go now and I know that you’re sore. So, I’d rather not hurt you.”

She can only nod, “Yeah,” She pecks his lips once more, gets up and sees that she wetted his pants, “I’m sorry about that.”

Dean stares at what she’s pointing at and lets out a soft chuckle. 

Y/N starts to walk to her room and is almost around the corner when she hears him speak. 

“‘M sorry if I was too rough. I should have controlled myself better.”

He’s talking about their quickie, she knows. 

Grinning, she turns to him, smiles bright, “Don’t worry, I like it rough,” With a wink, she walks to her room and smirks to herself because she saw Dean’s eyes widen at her comment. 

CH08

[sickviking-fr]

This is a long one, fellows. Buckle the fuck up.

Y'all know I only started this job two weeks ago and was all excited but it all went to shit day one. Well I got an offer from Walmart to start at a dollar more and I took it.

So last night was my last night at this grocery chain and I guess the universe knew it. The manager was happy for me so that was good, he'd been super nice and supportive for the few days since I gave him my resignation so I came in deciding I was going to give my all and do the best I could. I shot down four energy drinks because I knew it was going to only be me and one other on the shift and I was determined.

Those energy drinks took an hour to kick in but once they had I was WIRED and Manager appreciated it. About half an hour into the shift, Manager pulls me and the other guy (we will call him Jack for no reason) to the side, clearly high on caffeine himself, to give us the low down. He gives us a huge list of stuff to do and says he's sorry, its ordering night and he's all alone so he can't help us. And like, I get it, shit is the opposite of streamlined and efficient here, as you all know from my bitching, he's got a lot of work ahead of him. Jack and I have to do the work of 6 people and Manager has to do the work of three.

"Time is our enemy tonight, guys, we don't have a minute to spare standing around talking. lets get to it!" he finishes his speech.

Me, being out of my gourd on energy drinks, yell "NO BOSS! WE CAN'T ALLOW TIME TO BE THE ENEMY! LETS GO BOYS, WE'RE MAKING TIME OUR BITCH TONIGHT!" Manager punches me in the shoulder and says "Heck yeah, thats the attitude I wanna hear, why the fuck are you leaving me?!" and with that he's gone.

Now. When I said that, Time looked over at God and said "Hold my flower. No, hold my fucking flower! Who is making who their bitch? We'll see about that!" And God sayeth unto Time "Kick his ass babe, I got yo flower."

So my first task was to stock Gatorade and the energy drinks which I did in record time, taking only a half hour to do about two hours of work, working three pallets and condensing them down to one AND wrapping it up so Manager can swing by with the forklift and haul it off no questions asked. I'm feeling invincible. Next, me and Jack have to go stock water. He's exhausted, was up all day and feeling sluggish so not a whole lot of help tbh. Thats okay I'm running on four energy drinks and the high of imagining the boss begging me to stay, I've got this!

There's several pallets of various types of water container on the floor to be organized and stocked, and I'm on it like a fly on dogshit. In only fifteen minutes I put up a full pallet worth of gallons (Probably about 60-70 gallon jugs) before Time makes her move.

I don't know where Jack is, I'd sent him to move another pallet a while ago and he's not back yet. I move on to the 2.5 gallon jugs with spigots (Different brand but this same jug tbh) get about twenty up, only have four or five more that can fit on the shelf. Both hands are full of these heavy ass jugs, I lift one up onto the shelf and the spigot comes off. It just pops the fuck off. I drop the second in surprise and its spigot pops off. There's water pouring everywhere, I'm now soaked and panicking trying to gather up these jugs and get them turned in a way so they aren't pouring water everywhere and I am swearing profusely this whole time.

The wooden shelf is soaked, I'm treading water and Jack comes around the corner to see if I'm okay, sees me juggling water and starts laughing his ass off. We double team taking down all the water I just put up so I can mop the floor and the shelf. It takes the two of us over half an hour to dry everything and get the water back on the shelf.

Jack starts in on the 2 gallon bottles while I finish cleaning up. As I come back from throwing the broken containers in Claims, I see Manager has arrived with a fresh 5.5 foot high pallet of these 2 gallon waters (Its also vital to note that these come wrapped in plastic in packs of 6, which we are separating to sell individually), both are laughing, Jack is facing away from me doubled over with laughter.

"All I hear" He says "Is suddenly 'SHIT...SHIT SHIT! FUCK-SHIT FUCK!' and then just 'squeak squeak squeak'. His shoes sounded like Spongebobs boots!!" And at this point I realize my shoes are squeaking in the water but their shoes are not (I still do not know why...) As soon as Manager hears my squeaking shoes coming towards them, he also becomes consumed by giggles. Ha-ha, okay y'all shut up so we can carry on. I'm still trying to be impressive here! But I guess we are opening the water packs too slowly for Manager because he takes his special plastic cutting cutter and starts slicing open packs so we can just grab the jugs and throw them up.

EXCEPT HE'S NOT PAYING FUCKING ATTENTION! He cuts this one pack thats on the edge of the stack, three of the waters immediately start to fall over dragging the whole pack with it and now six, two gallon jugs come crashing onto my foot and also suddenly I'm wet again. Manager doesn't realize it hit my foot, but I shout and he says "Don't worry, its plastic they wont break." This phrase gets repeated ad nauseum the rest of the night to mock him.

"Well that would be great except they all fucking exploded!" he just looked at me stupid, then started swearing too. My foots fine, thanks for asking. Actually its not, my ankle is killing me as I'm writing this but whatever.

All six jugs broke open at the bottom seam and are now spewing fresh spring water onto my newly mopped floor, under the pallet and soaking into my shoes. Again. I'm running around trying to gather as much of these jugs as I can as fast as I can and get them to the sink. Again. Meanwhile my shoes are squeaking anew. Again. Jack cannot stay standing, what between laughing at Manager for busting open six gallons, repeating "It'S pLaStIc! iT wOnT bReAk!" and laughing at my squeaking footsteps running all around the two of them.

Manager has us leave the spilled water and stock, then when we are done he moves the pallet and sends the janitor over with the zamboni to clean up the water while sending us to fill up a display of cases of 24 bottled water other-where. Jack is now awake and still melting into fits of giggles every few minutes, and with his newfound energy he's tossing the cases up onto the display and then punching them into place instead of just putting them there. Toss a case, punch-punch-punch, flex, repeat. (Did I mention Jack is 18? What is it with teen boys constantly wanting to show off? Like bro who are you showing off to? Its literally just me and Manager here.) I keep telling him to knock it off but eventually, you guessed it, he pops a couple bottles.

Its already the four hour mark by the time we clean up all the water and get the rest of the packs all on the display. Smooth sailing from here on out, yeah? We're done with water, everything that needs to be on a shelf is on a shelf. It has to be easy from here. We think so anyway. It can't possibly get worse, we've still got shit to do! Innocently, we go to lunch and I chug down another energy drink. Okay so we are done stocking, its now time to face the shelves(AKA make them look nice). Manager sends me and Jack to the opposite ends of one isle, Jack arranging pickles and vinegar and I'm freshening up condiments. Suddenly I hear Jack yelling and cursing.

For several days, theres been a mystery bottle of vinegar by the Huntz that no one knows where it came from but also no one has bothered messing with. We've just been nudging it to look nice lined up with everything else and if someone buys it good if not, well it seems happy there. Its kinda shaped like this but plastic and not quite a gallon. It's filled full to the lid.

Jack decides to remove it today. He grabs it, lifts it about three inches, and the neck comes off. Just comes the fuck off. Its a perfectly clean separation at that seam where the neck connects to the body. The entire contents are now soaking into Jacks clothes from mid-chest to his shoes and puddled all over the floor. I rush over to see that he's okay and then go to get the mop for him. I can smell the vinegar from four isles away. It takes nearly another thirty minutes for him to get that properly cleaned up and then he has to take a break to change into his spare shirt because the smell is giving him a headache.

By the time he comes back, I've finished that isle and moved on to the cereal + juice isle and the store is now open. I tell him that he must have felt left out that Manager and I both made bigger messes than him with the water so he had to one-up us. This seems to make him feel better. Jack starts working juice while I'm tidying up the snacks and gummy candies. An older couple come up to me to ask about Rice Krispy Treats. I don't know where they are other than the ones I'm holding so I go to ask Jack. Poor Jack. I call out to him as he's kneeling in front of orange juice with both arms shoulder deep in the shelf and as he looks at me, for some fucking reason he squeezes his arms together in a hugging motion around maybe 8 jugs of juice.

Several fall into his lap and a customer must have gotten thirsty yesterday because someone took the cap off one jug and just left it there. Jack is now soaked chin to toes in orange juice. There is a looooot of swearing as I run over to check on him and then run off to get the mop and bucket from the back.

At some point the janitor had taken the mop from where we left it by vinegar and used it to mop up milk that the Dairy folks had spilled (so the bad luck wasn't just towards our crew, Time was taking her frustrations out on everyone). Anyway, the bucket is full of maybe four gallons of milk water and also the vinegar from earlier so it stinks but I don't have time to put fresh water in it because there are customers in the store now and the juice is a major slip hazard.

I'm pushing the bucket through the isles and I run over a drain like I do every day and thousands before me have done, except the drain cover decides TODAY IS THE DAY, NOW IS MY TIME. It kamikaze pops off and the bucket wheel goes straight in the hole, tipping the bucket over and spilling four gallons of stanky milk water every-fucking-where. Also, apparently this POS building wasn't built so that the floor sloped towards drains so the water is just flowing further and further out in every direction. Now I'm panicking trying to push as much of this water into the drain asap so I can get the bucket over to Jack so he can mop up the OJ. And I see the older couple are still waiting, toe tapping and pointing at their watches as soon as they see me. And then get all pissy that we didn't have any smaller packs of Rice Krispy Treats in yet.

Jack fucks off to the bathroom to dry as much as he can of himself while I do my best to hunt down the Janitor to send him and the Zamboni down juice, vinegar and the main pathway where the vinegar-milk-water spilled and is still stinking up the joint. Jack didn't come back for probably 40 minutes, I was honestly surprised he came back at all, I didn't think he was going to.

Manager has no idea any of this shit has happened because he's been darting off everywhere like a squirrel on coke doing his own thing. He's got the rest of those 2 gallon bottles from earlier on the fork lift and has us follow him to the frozen section. He wants us to add what's left to a display over there where we are selling the full 6-pack cases. He drops off the pallet and is gone before we can say anything. Jack, understandably, is beside himself pissed and starts literally throwing the water up onto the display and then punching them into position. Like, he's full force punching these things like gym equipment and chanting "It'S! pLaStIc! iT! wOnT! bReAk!". And of course, he pops two bottles. We still have 2 more hours of our shift left, plus 2 hours of mandatory overtime.

THANKFULLY, once we cleaned up that water the rest of the shift was uneventful, but it took forever because we were exhausted physically and mentally and pissed

[evolutionsvoid]

For some, this entry may seem a little odd. All my other writings focus on the beasts and creatures of the wilds, species that roam the jungles, mountains and fields. Each entry a daring tale of majestic fauna and daunting adventures! Stories of bizarre encounters and incredible observations! Then all of a sudden I am here talking about simple livestock, how mundane! I would, however, ask that you stay with me and read on! For even the simplest of creatures and dullest of species can be a source of wonder and fascination! Yes, even mere livestock can lead to wonderful tales and moving messages! At least I think so. I am not really sure. What was I going on about again? Ah, right! Nectar Cows! Nectar Cows are large insects that share ties to the tiny, pesky aphids. It is honestly hard to believe at times that these creatures are even related! To think that something that is about the size of a cow can be so close to those little terrors! Oof, it is already making my bark itch thinking about them! Regardless, Nectar Cows belong to the same family, but have obviously gained some unique traits. As stated before, they have grown to massive sizes, rivaling that of an ox or bull! Despite this mass of theirs, they are herbivorous creatures who prefer grass, leaves and shoots. This leads to the next key difference, which is the fact that they have developed chewing mandibles. Other aphids have sucking mouthparts which are perfect for piercing the dermis of a plant and feeding on its juices (and perfect for being an absolute pest! I swear I could bathe in vinegar and still not be free of them!). Due to their large size, this type of feeding is a bit inefficient, so they go with the chewing route! With their mouths pointed downwards, Nectar Cows graze upon grass, brush and young plants, snipping them into bite sized pieces and pulverizing them in the back of their throats. They will also feed on vegetables and fruits that are on the ground, though they prefer ones that are more solid and crunchy. It seems that squishy, wet fruits are difficult for them to grab and chew without them falling back onto the ground. If you ever want to give a snack to a Nectar Cow, stick with things like apples, potatoes and carrots! They love those! Since they are grazing herbivores, Nectar Cows take life rather slowly. Their pace can be sluggish at times, and they never really seem to be in a hurry. All that matters to them is that there is food below them, and if there isn't, then it is time to take a few steps to a fresher patch. With such a slow lifestyle, one can imagine that they would be targets for predators. This is true, but Nectar Cows are not defenseless! First is their thick exoskeleton, which shields them from the front and top. Tooth and claw will have a difficult time piercing this sturdy armor, but crafty attackers may choose to approach from the bottom, going after the exposed abdomen. To help prevent that from happening, the Nectar Cow possesses specialized hind legs. As you may notice, these insects possess large, hooked claws on their back feet, which they use as weapons. When a foe attacks from behind, the Nectar Cow will hunker down with its front two pairs of legs and then kick back with their hind ones. This kick will cause the hooked claws to move in a slashing motion, which can slice into foes or even impale them. Those foolish enough to bother an agitated Nectar Cow may stumble away with a nasty gash, if they are lucky. Unfortunately, this defense only works for their rears and nowhere else. Fortunately, though, they have another tool at their disposal! 

Due to their herbivorous ways, Nectar Cows encounter a lot of plants that do not wish to be eaten. There are plenty of species out there that contain bitter flavors, toxic sap and poisonous chemicals. This is meant to deter herbivores, but the Nectar Cow is not easily put off. They are capable of munching through these defenses without pause, taking these noxious juices and storing them in special sacs. These sacs are located all over their body, positioned right below their numerous siphuncule. These hard tubes can be found on their backs and all over their face plates, as they are positioned for defense! When a predator or unwelcome guest comes stalking close, the Nectar Cow will tighten its body and spray a misty cocktail of nasty fluids! Often this discharge is sharply bitter in smell and extremely nasty in taste. I once got hosed in the face with this mist of theirs and I can confirm it is quite disgusting! The taste is like if you took a copper piece, dipped it in a light acid and then stuck it in your mouth. Burning, sharp and somewhat metallic. I definitely would not recommend trying it! Often this spray is more than enough to scare away enemies, and it can even ward off the farmers who raise them! Thankfully, this spray is reliant on the food they eat, so wise farmers will feed them plants and vegetation that do not contain these foul fluids. The other thing to keep in mind is that this spray is not endless. They must eat to replenish their stocks, so if you bait them into discharging all their mist, then they cannot do again until they eat enough food. As you can probably tell from the name and the way I have talked about them, Nectar Cows are a domesticated species. So much so, that they pretty much came into existence through selective breeding and domestication. That's probably why they achieved such a large size! This large mass of theirs is perfect for their role as livestock, and they provide many products for those who raise them. The most obvious resource they create is their "nectar" or "honeydew," which is secreted from their abdomens (For clarification, "honeydew" is used by ants, while dryads prefer the term "nectar"). This yellowish fluid is sweet in flavor and is collected to be used as drink, cooking ingredient or sapling food. Think of it like the milk that comes from a mammalian cow, except that it is not totally repulsively fatty and horrendously curd- bluuugh, I can't even say it! Just the thought makes me want to hurl! How can people drink that stuff raw?! Anyways, this secreted nectar of theirs has made them popular with dryads and giant ants. In fact, it is believed that the giant ants were the first to begin the breeding of these insects, as their honeydew provided an efficient food source for them! Nectar Cows that are kept by giant ant colonies tend to be free-range, though they stay close to tunnel entrances. That way soldiers and workers can keep an eye on them and tear apart any predators that try to prey on their herd. While the ants allow their herds to graze on wild plants, they will supplement their diet with fungi that is grown in their underground farms. Any fungus that is not edible for the ants will be removed and given to the Nectar Cows so that no resources are wasted! How efficient! For dryads, Nectar Cows are often kept in pens at night and let out during the day to graze. During daylight hours is when they will collect the nectar, pouring it into buckets that are then bottled up and taken to market. This will be sold under the name "cow nectar" in order to differentiate between this fluid and the stuff that comes from plants. Due to its sugary content, the cow nectar is often used for baking desserts or sweetening up a dish. For dryad settlements that live in areas where Nectar Pod plants cannot properly grow, they will instead use cow nectar to feed sproutlings and saplings. It is an important source of nutrition for them at early stages, as they have not fully developed their stomachs. Cow nectar and other types of nectar are easy to digest and give them the fuel needed to grow! Good luck weaning them off it, though! That stage is a rough one to deal with!   Besides nectar (or honeydew), these insects also provide food through their meat and eggs. The meat of a Nectar cow is quite juicy and has a hint of sweetness to it. It is often cut from their legs, thorax and abdomen, but careful butchery is needed! For meat that is carved from their abdomen, one needs to be sure to extract the sacs that contain their mist juices without puncturing them. One wrong move and your meat is now infused with a horrid bitterness and sharp metallic taste. That is why no one ever takes meat from their heads, as there are too many sacs to remove for it to be worth it. Due to its juiciness and texture, Nectar Cow meat is best shredded and added into a dish or soup. For dryads, it is a meat that works well on its own, but other species need extra seasonings and flavors to help tone down the sweetness. In non-dryad butcher shops, the flesh of a Nectar Cow is sold under the label "honey beef." Their eggs are also collected and sold as food, as Nectar Cows lay quite a lot of them! To insure survival, these insects can lay over a dozen of them at a time, which is a little much for one farmer to handle! To keep populations in check, the farmer will cull these eggs and sell a majority of them at market. These eggs are wonderful boiled whole or cracked open and baked! Some people swear that you can crack a raw one open and chug its contents, but I am a bit wary of that. They say it is a great pick me up and a quick source of nutrition, but that sounds way too much like a Floral Dryad thing for me to trust it. I have definitely heard that some of those crazy gals apply coats of that nasty mist fluid to their petals before bed, as it is supposed to create a healthy sheen. Pretty sure that is a load of garbage, because if that was true, Nectar Cow farmers would blind the entire town each time the sun came out. Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian                     ----------------------------------------- The Nectar Cow is one of the latest victims to the massive backlog. It is one of those wonderful moments where you draw something up, are happy with it, than have it get stuck waiting for months on end for posting, then at last its day comes and you realize that you hate it. Well wouldn't you know, the Nectar Cow came up for posting and I realized I didn't like its look anymore. This called for an emergency redraw, which I am happy with, but it makes me wonder what piece will be the next victim (too late, I already know!).  

[kirishwima]

The one in all caps + Klance

Here ya go~ ((It’s a med school AU btw because I’m trash for university aus lol))

*****

“WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT FILL UP A “SUPER BIG GULP” CUP WITH 5 HOUR ENERGY AND CHUG THE WHOLE THING. MY HEART HAS EITHER STOPPED COMPLETELY OR IS BEATING SO FAST THAT I CAN’T FEEL MY OWN PULSE.”

He blinked owlishly, trying to let his tired mind comprehend the scene before him.

Lance was staring, eyes wide as he was sitting cross legged on their apartments floor, his pyjama sleeves rolled up whilst he held markers of various colours in each hand. He situated himself across a wall of their living room, scribbling on it what was…was that a brain crudely drawn on there?!

Keith squinted, his mind yelling all sorts of curses at him for the wild awakening. How did he get into this mess anyway?

He had settled in for bed, his warm and comfortable boyfriend snuggling up to him with a grin, Lance’s hand wrapped around his waist, before drifting off into a cozy sleep. A sleep that was interrupted no more than an hour or two after, by a loud thud outside their bedroom door.

By pure instinct he grabbed the knife he kept under the bed, much to Lance’s disagreement, and made haste out of the bedroom in quiet steps. He walked through the hallway, peeking across the door and into the living room, where he found the source of the sound.

Lance was just sitting there, humming and frantically drawing something on the wall, something that Keith had now identified as the nervous system of the human body, all whilst papers with Lance’s handwriting and anatomy books were scattered all around him.

“Lance…what the hell.”

He doubted the humming boy even heard him, far too deep in his own world to pay mind to any outside source of noise.

After another quick scan, Keith noticed the massive plastic cup and empty energy drink bottles scattered besides the lanky boy, both long empty by now.

He sighed and leaned closer, tugging Lance’s shoulder to get his attention.

Even then the boy barely registered his presence, merely turned around with red bloodshot eyes and grinned manically, mumbling a ‘Hey sweet thing!’ before returning to casually destroying their apartment’s walls.

“Lance.”No response.

“Lance what the fuck are you doing.”No response.

He clicked his tongue, bringing a hand to loudly smack against the door beside him, finally rousing Lance from his work with a start.

“Keith! My dude! My bro! The mullet that’s only second to David Bowie’s! My-”“Lance. Explain. Now.”

He really wanted to remain calm in this situation, really, truly did, but it was three in the morning and his boyfriend was talking a thousand words a minute and he did not have the patience for all this right now.

After a lot of cooing and persuading, he managed to get out of Lance that after Keith fell asleep, he suddenly remembered that he’d be doing a presentation on the brain and nervous system for the second-years of their university’s medical faculty the next day, only, he hadn’t even realised that that’d mean he’d have to go fully prepared with a presentation and impeccable knowledge in case any student tried to corner him with obscure questions.

Keith sighed, realising how…Lance-like the whole situation was.

“What do the coloured markers and our wall have to do with this?”

“What wall? I was just writing on the computer a moment ago-“He stared in awe at the markers in his hands, evidently wondering how they got there.

“Keith! I was-no-where’s my computer?!”

He took Lance’s hands in his own the moment the boy stood up from his position on the floor, directing him to the couch and tugging him down, hoping he’d stay still long enough for him to bring a blood pressure meter to estimate in how bad of a situation his boyfriend put himself in this time.

He returned to find the boy perched onto the corner of the couch, his computer on his lap and fingers furiously attacking the keyboard.A quick peek at the screen reassured him he was, indeed, writing everything that came to mind without even a single space or comma in-between the words.

“Lance. Give me your hand.”

“Mm. Just-“

“Lance. Hand.”

“Hand. Multiple innervations. Sixth cervical for thumb, seventh cervical for index and middle finger, eight cervical for ring finger and pinky. Sensitive innervations-“

He took one of his hands and tugged it to him, willing the boy to stay still with a glare.

For a minute he complied, letting Keith place the machine around his arm before turning it on and letting it measure his blood pressure, watching the way Lance squinted at it as if it had personally offended him, trying to hide his grin at the sight.

“140 to 90. That’s not good.” he sighed when the machine beeped, signalling it’s done measuring, “But you’ll survive. It should drop when you digest that monstrosity of a thing that you drunk. I’ll get you some antihypertensives if not, though that probably won’t be necessary.”

“I won’t die?”Keith shook his head.

“Then why am I seeing a pretty angel in front of me right now?”  he questioned, nodding to Keith’s direction, “Or are you always this pretty?”

He smiled at the baffled look his boyfriend gave him and ruffled his hair, getting up to go put the machine back in place.

“Alright that’s enough flirting you nerd. Come here, you tell me what you want to write and I’ll type for you.”

The grin Lance gave him was worth the disruption of his sleep.

*****

An hour later and the effects of the energy drink hadn’t worn off. Lance was firing out information even Keith hadn’t known, despite studying for his neurology exam just last week. He made a mental note to look up experimentation on energy drinks, lack of sleep, and human knowledge, though he doubted he’d find any results on the matter.

His boyfriend was pacing around the apartment, stilling for but a moment to start jogging in place, laughing all the while.

At some point he put on music, letting their mixed playlist of Beyonce and Fall Out Boy play whilst he danced around to one song after another.

Keith couldn’t help but laugh and take a quick snapchat video to send to their friends, adding the time stamp on it to let them know of the situation.

Pidge responded within the minute, sending him a text that simply stated ‘You’re the one that wanted to live with him. Now face the consequences, you cryptid kink butt.’.

Hunk must’ve been asleep, his snapchat being the only one not opened yet, whilst Shiro called him immediately after seeing it, worriedly asking what on earth was going on in there.

“Look Shiro, whilst my boyfriend is very very sweet and very lovable-“

“To the point Keith.” he chastised, quickly following it with a yawn.

“Yeah while he’s very cute, he’s also a big idiot. The type of idiot that chugs a massive bottle of an energy drink of questionable origin and tries to write up a presentation on the human brain whilst his isn’t fully working yet.” he said in a monotone voice, “Also he’s on the first stage of hypertension if his blood pressure is anything to go by.” he added after a moment of silence.

He heard Shiro hum before replying in a slow quiet tone.

“Should you maybe…take him to the hospital?”

“Shiro. We’re fifth year medical students. I’d take him if I thought he was in danger.”“No no I know but…” he mumbled, “shouldn’t you maybe talk with a doctor, just in case?”

There was a short pause.

“Shiro. You are a doctor.”

He heard the slow hum of recognition, shaking his head at the thought of his friend’s current expression, fully grinning when he looked up to find Lance trying to fit his face by his side, murmuring hellos to Shiro across the phone.

“Do you think I should come over, make sure he’s alright? Maybe-“

Shiro never got to continue his sentence before Keith heard shuffling across the line, another voice coming to greet him on the phone.

“Keith, just give him some warm milk with honey, a slap on the face from me for being a reckless kid, and go to sleep. Now.” were the last words he heard before the line cut off, leaving him with the familiar beep of an ended call.

“Goodnight to you too Allura”, he mumbled to no one in particular before dropping the phone and returning his attention to Lance and the computer screen.

*****The sky was already turning pink by the time they were done with the presentation, even going so far as to look for videos and pictures to accompany it.

Per Lance’s stubborn request, he even added a video of Pinky and the Brain singing about parts of the brain, as well as memes of oddly specific humour that he knew Lance would regret the next morning.

He shut off the computer with a pleased sigh, dropping his head over Lance’s, the boy comfortably nestled onto the crook of his neck as they sat on the couch, the energy drinks’ effects slowly wearing off.

“Done. We can get like…” he peeked at his phone, glaring at the brightness of the screen “forty minutes of sleep. An hour if you don’t mind being fifteen minutes late to class, which you always are either way.”

“I’m presenting at 8 am Keef.” he mumbled onto Keith’s skin, making the boy huff a laugh.

“Well, it’s 6 am right now. Might as well go make yourself presentable rather than risk oversleeping.”

“Mm” Lance mumbled, shifting his weight onto Keith’s body, tugging the boy beneath him as he moved to lay on the couch, ending up in a tangle of limbs and Lance’s head on his chest. “Just…just five minutes.”

Keith laughed into Lance’s hair. “That’s what you say every morning, and we always end up late. I swear, I’m never waiting for you again.”

“You say that every time.” He felt Lance smile, grin stretching further when Keith brought a hand to rub circles on his back.

“You say that every time but you still always wait for me y’know? No one’s forcing you to. You don’t have to wait for me. But you do anyway.”

Keith scrunched his nose, wondering where this conversation was headed, Lance’s voice slurring the closer he came to the bliss of sleep.

“You wait for me ‘cause you love me. And though you nag and complain all the time, you still wait. And I whine right back and say perfection takes time, but I’d much rather be late and hear you whine than get there early but alone, because you love me and I love you and, if you were the one that was late, I’d also wait for you.”

He moved, shifting his head to face Keith’s widened eyes under thick eyelashes.

“I’d wait for you forever because-because you’re my soulmate. And I love you. And also you’re very, very pretty.”

There was a pool of red flushing Keith’s cheeks, his mouth agape until Lance leaned in for a chaste kiss before flopping back onto his chest.

“Wuv you” he muttered onto the material of Keith’s shirt.

It took him a minute to compose himself, letting his heartbeat be the only thing breaking the silence of daybreak.

“You know I whine and nag at you, and tell you you’re nerd or whatever, but I never really met anyone like you. I’d rather spend an entire lifetime waiting on you and being perpetually late at anything and everything than spend a moment without you.”

He tucked his head closer to the top of Lance’s.

“I love you too Lance.”

He was expecting a huff, a smile, a kiss, something.

What he hadn’t expected, was a loud snore to shatter the romantic scenery and his boyfriend’s previous love confession.

Yet one look at his sleeping face made him think that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t so bad after all.

****

I had to google what a Super Big Gulp cup is and all I have to say is��americans are scary. 

Hope you like it! :D