#also sorry for no fic updates life has been crazy lol

[kingtomura]

you won’t see me panic until we get to chapter 4/5 and there’s no mention of Tenko. then I will lose my shit lol but until then.. as long as the villains have a good ending/rehabilitation then I am okay 😀👍🏽

[chelseachilly]

how deep is your love

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: ben's drunk and can't stop telling you how much he loves you 🩵 warnings: none :) word count: 1.4k

author’s note: written based on this post from @benchilwellx bc it was such a cute concept, just a quick fluffy little one-shot to get the writing juices flowing :) sorry i haven't updated this love in a couple weeks but life has been crazy! hoping to get the next chapter posted in the next week but enjoy this in the meantime 💗

also for the sake of this fic let's pretend chelsea didn't have a game this weekend, tbh would rather forget the one they did play lol

-

In the two years you’ve known Ben, and just over a year since you’ve been a couple, you could count on one hand the number of times you’ve seen him truly drunk. 

With the football season preventing him from indulging too much for most of the year, and fitness at the top of his mind even in the off-season, he rarely gets the opportunity. Usually, when you go out, he either drives or makes sure to get you home safely in an Uber, and if you’ve had a really fun night, he’ll help you take off your makeup or even hold your hair back if necessary. 

So it’s an interesting turn of events when you show up a bit late to his best mate Harvey’s birthday celebration at a fancy club in Soho and find your boyfriend clearly tipsy already. 

He’s sitting in a booth next to Tom and Harvey singing along to some 90s R&B song, a drink in hand that is definitely not his first, or even his second or third. He’s a bit of a sight to behold, as he so rarely drinks this much, but you can’t help but smile at the sight of him letting loose - you know how much pressure he’s been under lately with the captain duties. 

“Babe!” Ben exclaims with wide eyes and an even wider grin as soon as he sees you, stumbling a bit as he gets up from the booth. “You’re here!”

He quickly makes his way to you and pulls you in for a sloppy kiss, and you can taste the liquor on his tongue. You sink into him nonetheless, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms after a long day of work.

As soon as you pull back, he rests his forehead against yours and takes a deep breath, his thumbs drawing circles on your waistline.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, babe,“ you smile back at him warmly, enjoying this affection, no matter how much tequila is playing a part. “You pretty drunk?”

“Mhm,” Ben says with a slightly dazed expression, his eyes still focused on your lips. “The boys were making me take shots since there’s no game this week.”

You chuckle slightly, rolling your eyes at Ben’s - and by extension, your - good friends at the booth behind him, dancing and ordering another round of shots. You’re glad Harvey’s having a good birthday.

“I’m happy you’re having fun, baby, you deserve it,” you say sincerely, cupping his face with both hands before leaning in to kiss him again. “Now, it seems I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

“Go sit with the boys, I’ll get you a drink,” Ben offers, pressing another quick kiss to your cheek before heading to the bar.

You nod with a smile and go to sit next to Harvey, pulling him into a quick hug and wishing him a happy birthday.

“Now, which one of you is responsible for my drunk boyfriend?” you inquire, raising an eyebrow as you glance back at Ben, who is still smiling lovingly at you from the bar. 

“That would be the birthday boy,” Tom chuckles. “He’s bloody entertaining though, isn’t he?”

“Yes, but I’m the one who’s going to have to deal with him hungover tomorrow,” you joke.

The last time he was hungover, after one fun night on the yacht in Italy this summer, Ben had forced you to spend the whole day in bed cuddling with him. You pretended to be annoyed for about five minutes before giving in - partly because you can never turn down his cuddles, and partly because you were pretty hungover too. 

Speaking of how adorable your boyfriend is, within minutes he’s headed back over to you with that same dopey grin on his face and two vodka sodas. It’s your favourite, and his go-to during the season when he’s watching his calories.

“For you, my darling,” Ben says in an overly posh accent as he hands you the glass, making you giggle.

He then practically shoves Tom over to make room for himself to sit next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders protectively and kissing your cheek. You can feel yourself blushing from the unusually overt PDA, as he typically reserves this kind of affection for home, but you don’t mind.

“I love you,” Ben whispers once again against your temple, burying his nose in your hair. “So, so much. Missed you today.”

It’s amazing the way those three words still give you the same butterflies as the first time you heard them, making you smile like a lovestruck fool.

“I missed you too, baby,” you murmur, “I’m sorry I couldn’t make dinner. You know how crazy work has been.”

Ben and the boys had been a bit disappointed when you weren’t able to join them for dinner earlier, mainly because you’ve been so busy at work lately due to a recent promotion that your friends have hardly seen you. Even Ben’s time with you has been limited, especially with him also putting in extra time at Cobham as captain while Reece is out. 

It’s been an exciting time for both of you career-wise, but it’s also meant spending less time together, which is probably why Ben is being so clingy right now and why you’re welcoming his clinginess.

“S’okay, I’m just glad you’re here now,” Ben says, kissing your cheek a few more times before returning the conversation with the boys.

You contently settle into Ben’s side, his arm still firmly wrapped around you, and sip your drink while they talk about football and the girl Anish is seeing. When Ben interrupts the other guys’ suggestions of playing it cool and waiting to text her back by telling his friend to be honest and just tell her how he feels, your heart swells with pride that your boyfriend is the most emotionally intelligent guy you know.

“Since Ben’s the only one successfully in a relationship, I’m gonna take his advice,” Anish laughs, raising his drink to you. “Unless he just got lucky with Y/N.”

“Nah, he won me over fair and square,” you say, turning your face to meet Ben’s eyes and smiling lovingly at him. “I’m the lucky one.”

The way Ben’s eyes shine and his lip quivers slightly at your words makes it impossible for you to resist leaning in to press a quick peck to his mouth. It’s not your fault he’s so adorable, nor is it your fault that Ben deepens the kiss and pulls you closer.

“Alright, we’re going to get more drinks, we’ll leave you to it,” Harvey says with an eye-roll as the rest of your group gets up and starts to walk over to the bar.

You pull back from Ben’s kisses, feeling a bit embarrassed by how touchy you’re being, but he only takes the opportunity to grab your waist and hoist you into his lap.

“Baby,” you sigh, really enjoying the warmth of his arms and the little kisses he’s leaving on your neck. “Don’t you think we should cool it a bit? It’s Harvey’s birthday, doubt he wants to watch us do this all night.”

“Can’t help it,” Ben mumbles into your neck, sending a shiver up your spine. “I just love you so much.”

Ben never shies away from reminding you of this fact, often the last three words he says to you before bed or when you’re leaving the house, but he tends to tell you how much he loves you even more than normal when he’s drinking. You’re not sure if he forgets that he already told you multiple times or just that he feels particularly lovey when intoxicated. Either way, you love it.

“I love you so much too, Benji,” you smile, kissing his forehead and adorning the way his eyes flutter shut in contentment. “Why don’t we stay for one more drink and then go home and have sex on the couch and fall asleep watching Love Island?”

His eyes light up like a child who’s just been offered ice cream before bed, and he nods eagerly.

“Alright, but you’re gonna have to let me off your lap, babe,” you chuckle, ruffling his hair. “Unless you wanna get roasted mercilessly.”

“Don’t care,” Ben grumbles into your hair, but when you pull back and give him a warning look, he sighs and gives in. “Fine, but we’re dancing.”

You squeal slightly as you’re lifted off your feet, Ben dragging you to the dance floor. You might be exhausted and ready to go home at this point, but you’re content to spend the next few minutes dancing to some Calvin Harris song in the arms of your drunk boyfriend, him whispering how much he loves you between the choruses.

[she-speakss]

this slant of light update 🫶🏼

lads, am so sorry for the (huge) delay in posting our last two chapters. it feels piss poor to use it as an excuse but it's been such a crazy time for me. but i love and appreciate every single one of you and just wanted to give a little update on where i'm at:

a. i have a family member (who i live with) in palliative care. they're very sick and it's awful to watch. this is currently taking up most, if not all of my headspace.

2. i am training for two (2!) ten k's that will be run in the same month, not for a while yet (8 weeks!) but this is also taking up whatever else is left of my capabilities and also keeping me sane. (but) running is so hard y'all lol

c. when the next two chapters are ready, you'll all be the first to know. and when they are ready, they'll be posted within the same day, bit of a nostalgic throwback to when life was breezier.

i haven't forgotten about you or our lovely ladies at all, if anything, it's that which has been getting me through. thank you for sticking with us through all of this, this wasn't the plan when i first started uploading and i'm sorry it is now but i promise i won't abandon this fic xx

[respondedinkind]

Quick (long) update.

|| I know I haven't been around in a hot minute, thought I'd give a quick update.

Sorry for vanishing like this, life has been a little wild recently; I started therapy a few weeks ago, next to me finding joy in a new game where I slipped into the fandom (rather hard lol) and realized that I am, right now, much happier with doing art and creating fics rather than RPing.

This might sound a little odd to some - but the thing is, my brain simply doesnt hold enough energy to do *all* the creative things I want to do. For example: RPing is incredibly fun but also *incredibly exhausting*, and whenever I put a lot of time into RPing, I am literally unable to do art or write fics. It's taking so much of my creative-energy-meter that it's empty quick, leaving me with being frustrated as I don't really get to create anymore.

So I decided to pursue creating art as well as writing fics for now, which means I basically vanished from RP tumblr in return. I know this might be frustrating to some - especially my writing partners - and I want to apologize for that, for said frustration I might have caused.

But it is what it is, and I am not going to change much about it anytime soon. I am actually feeling rather happy about being able to do art, write fics, and *not* worry about writing replies and possibly making partners wait. It's a sort-of-pressure that I've taken off of my own shoulders...

Which is needed right now as I, as mentioned, also started therapy. It's going to be a journey, and I was just diagnosed with general anxiety as well as depression (which could actually be a 'double-depression' on top of it, means it is a chronic depression as well as an 'episodic depression'). It feels... incredibly relieving, in a way, to finally have an official diagnosis and to know that yes, something IS going on with me, I am not just crazy in my head and/or lazy. However, the whole therapy-thing is only going to get harder from here on and I am already working on things that have been talked about, think about them in my head, work with what I have realized about myself and try to handle it.

I do have a whole diagnose-session going on in August for ADHD / Autism as well, which will *also* require a good chunk of my energy. So yeah, things are happening.

Long story short: I decided to put my priorities elsewhere for now, for my own mental health's sake, and my happiness. Reducing stress was *needed*, especially since I am only going to be more stressed while working on me, on my diagnosis, and on all the problems I finally want to be able to figure out and address, possibly solve. ---Something also happened in my private life a couple of months ago that basically, let's call it 'triggered', my sudden energy to finally ask for help after trying to handle everything for literal decades. So yeah. It's been a yeah so far lol.

I want to thank each and every single one of you for having been with me, RPed great stories, formed companionships over weeks and months; I won't delete this blog nor do I plan to 'archive it'. I'll just leave it like this and maybe, who knows, I will return to it (and my other blogs) at some point. I just don't want to put stress on me as in 'I will come back in x day / months', I'll just see where life takes me and when I find the energy to be here again, I will.

I love Khan, love Stephen, love Bones. I haven't lost my love for them, my attention is just elsewhere. (Including that cute game I have been playing, falling in love with some characters...)

I wish you all the best, sending you lots of vibes, happy thoughts, my eternal gratitude and some strength for whatever you need to deal with in your life. Remember that you are loved, that your thoughts are valid, that you are worth it. ♥

-waves-

PS: I do miss you, the people I formed friendships with. I miss you, our RPs, our conversations. In case we have been interacting much on here, but not actually exchanged other ways of staying connected besides tumblr - discord, for example - you are absolutely allowed to hit me up and I'll give you my discord. ♥

[toorusluvr]

❥ ҉   CHAPTER SIX - WHAT ABOUT US?

❥ ҉   NOTE FROM NIS: hello hello! an update after more than a year geez i'm so sorry. life got in the way! anyway, i decided to finish this fic before this year ends (time is ticking for me lol at least it's an accomplishment!!) this chapter carries mental health issues and toxic relationships. wow semi is being a dickhead in this chapter (spoiler alert) he reminds me so much of my ex LOL anyway i hope you enjoy reading this update! as usual, reblogs, likes, and comments are very very much appreciated!!

[previous][series masterlist][next]

The cafe used to be your dating place with Semi felt empty even though there were customers inside. You were waiting for Semi, and surprisingly, Semi was 30 minutes late than the promised time. But, it was not surprising given the condition both of you were living in. You glanced over your watch countless times, breathing out a soft groan as you kept on looking over your phone as time passed by.

Another 20 minutes passed when he finally showed up. He made you wait for an hour! If that isn’t infuriating enough other than the fact that he also cheated behind your back. What a douchebag. But fuck is it easy to let him go. It’s not as easy as it may appear to others. Hands to God, you have tried. But each try ends in failure.

The man, Semi, was seen wearing his backpack over his shoulder, still neatly dressed in his school uniform though his tie was loose. The guy kept both of his hands inside of his pockets and he appeared relaxed while you were looking like you could explode any sooner. Sucker. He spotted you nearby the glass window with a frown look. His steps felt heavy with each drag, but he needed to see you one last time. He promised, this is the last time he'll hurt you.

Semi recognised that look you had on your face. You were upset with him, extremely disappointed was all over your face. And, you had every right to be upset with him. He loathes himself too, sometimes.

“We need to talk, Semi”, you mumbled softly, not wanting to start a fight with your boyfriend. You do not want to act like a crazy girlfriend, but yesterday’s incident was too much as it never happened before. Your eyes trailed his movements when he pulled out the chair in front of you. Semi took his seat and rested both of his hands on the table.

When things got worse between you and Semi, neither of you had ever cheated on one another.

“What is it?” Semi asked half-heartedly. His tone showed concern for your question.

You let out a soft sigh, not knowing where to begin. “Who were you with yesterday?” you asked with a slightly stern voice. His answer is what you needed the most. There's no way he would lie to you, right? He would convince you that it is not him, right? Right?

Fuck. How you wished that wasn’t him but it was as clear as day. Your stupid heart wouldn’t want to accept any other answer.

The last word came across as pleading in your mind. Heaven knew how pathetic you sounded at the moment when the truth was as clear as day.

Please, he would not lie to me... you prayed.

His action yesterday resulted in you overthinking last night if this relationship was worth risking yourself and your sanity, which was on the edge to begin with. Getting back together with him has always been a mistake. Who else could you blame other than yourself? You’re the one who puts yourself in this position.

“I was with my team, as usual. Why?” Semi replied, with no remorse. A liar, he calls himself. How many times does he have to keep lying to you? No. The real question is, what is holding him back from letting you go? Is it the fact that he can't stand seeing you with another person, or he just wanted to keep you for himself even though he has fallen out of love?

You scoffed, “You lied, Semi. Some girl sent me a snap of you guys being together. I don’t even know what you guys were doing, but why were you guys shirtless? I swear to God, Semi, if you slept with the girl, I don’t even know what I’ll do.”

Semi’s eyes widened at the statement. So you knew the truth already. Fuck that. He was just playing dumb. He knew you already knew. The girl showed the snap she sent to you with a proud smile all over her face and Semi couldn’t stop her.

He didn’t hesitate to stop her so he just let it be. Anything to prevent him from saying he wanted to break up with you.

“She’s just a friend, you know?” Semi paused before he spoke again. A friend? That's what pathetic liars tell their significant other every single time they are caught cheating.

 “So it’s true that you did something that friends wouldn’t do?” you emphasised the term 'friend' he clearly misused. You felt your blood boiling when you spotted the lies hidden in his eyes.

He looked away from your face, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I guess.”

“Why in the hell would you do that with her? You have a fucking girlfriend, Eita. What am I to you? For fucks sake, what the fuck is wrong with you?” you asked. Your voice was slightly trembling as you could feel your tears threatening to fall on your face any moment from now on.

The rage you've bottled up for years threatened to be freed from your body. Torture. This is like a living hell if it's living in agony.

“You aren’t there with me every day, and I got… bored. I was lonely, Y/N! I need someone to be there with me physically!” Semi sighed. He stopped and stared straight into your eyes. The girl he has loved for about three years. The sweet look you have always had on your face is now gone, replaced with anger and betrayal.

It felt like he was painting you to be the bad guy in this case. Playing the victim card, huh?

You scoffed in disbelief, “What am I to you exactly, Semi? Was the reason you got back with me the other day so you could fuck me and then leave?” you snapped, trying to keep your voice low so the other customers won’t be interrupted.

Semi brought both of his hands to his face. He let out a deep sigh, “Would it hurt less if I said yes?”

“Hell yes, Semi! Oh god, I can’t fucking believe this. What has gotten into you, Semi? What drove you crazy? Fuck, I can't even believe I love you no matter what happens!” At this point, you don’t even know if you are strong enough to accept this. A part of you just wanted to storm out of the cafe, but a part of you also needed closure.

“You’re always there when I need you. That’s why I keep on coming back to you because you’re there. You’re special to me, Y/N,” Semi told. His eyes failed to convince you that he wanted you to be with him forever.

You let out a scoff, “You know too damn well that I’ll come back running to you whenever you need me. You used me, Semi. What happened to the old you? I can’t believe this. You know that I can never let you go, that’s why you used me, isn’t it? Semi, I’m not naive. It’s just that I loved you so much that I can never let you go and… and, you took it for granted!”

Your tears were beginning to fall on your cheeks. You were sobbing so hard that even a box of tissue is not enough to help you wipe your tears away. Shit, breakup hurts like hell.

Semi felt terrible, really he is. He couldn't deny that he takes you for granted. “I’m sorry.”

“Is that all you could say, Semi?” you asked with a gruff voice. You were hoping for a lot more. Maybe an 'I love you’ or ‘You’re my entire world’ would be sufficient.

“I’m so sorry," he apologised once again. You let out an unbelievable sigh as you wiped your tears. “That’s it. Once again, we’re breaking up. Maybe we’re just not meant to be. I hate the fact that I will always love you no matter how bad you treat me, Eita.”

“I’m sorry. I’m never good enough for you. I guess I will never be good enough for anyone. I hope she’s good enough for you, Semi,” you said your final words as you left the cafe without saying goodbye.

Strangers on the street looked at you with a weird look on their faces. Seeing a random teenager on the street bawling her eyes out concerned them most slightly.

Returning home, you cried yourself to sleep. Your thoughts kept you up at night, wondering if you are ever enough for someone. You wondered if someone is willing to love you unconditionally. Does love even exist in this cruel world?

You skipped school for two days because you were down in the slumps, all alone in your room. You never cheated with anyone behind Semi’s back when you guys were together. Hell, you even ditched Iwaizumi as your friend with benefits when you got back together with Semi.

You sobbed again, not knowing what to do with your life anymore. You just wanted your pain to be over. Why does everyone have it easier? Why can't you be happy just like they do?

The sound of keys jingling from outside startled you. You saw the figure of your mother standing at the door frame with a stoic face. “Y/N,” she called your name seriously. You wiped your tears and looked at her, nodding your head to answer her call.

“Why the hell did you skip school?” your mother asked, taking another step towards you. She was infuriated when your homeroom teacher gave her a call this morning and told her about you being absent for the past 2 days.

She even left her work to come home to ask you about this matter. Ever since your dad passed away, your mother barely cares or makes time about your personal life that much. All she knows is that her daughter is supposed to go to school, and she wants her to graduate high school and become a doctor.

Your mother sets a high expectation on you, and it kills you inside.

“I’m sick, can’t you see?” you replied with a sad voice. You caught a cold after meeting with Semi the other day. You sniffled back your tears, not wanting to cry in front of your raging mad mother.

“I didn’t raise you to become a liar, Y/N! Why the hell did you skip school? Tell me now!” your mother yelled. You flinched at her words, and you knew you couldn’t lie any longer. But you weren’t lying! You were sick! Anyone who sees you in this state could tell. But why the person who gave birth to you couldn't see it?

“I skipped school because I was sick, mom! Can’t you see? I was telling you the truth!” you slightly raised your voice back at her while wailing out loud.

Your mother didn’t take your wailing seriously, apparently. “Just return to school tomorrow. I don’t want any excuses.” 

“Because of you, I want to fucking die,” you snapped. “You tortured me throughout my life, mom! You should have let me die back then!” 

The woman who birthed and raised you had a fuming mad expression written all over her face. Her fists tightened on her sides, eyebrows scrunched together. Your mother’s back is now turned to face you. “I raised you to become a successful person. I don’t want to raise a pathetic loser. Get your shit together!” your mother raised her voice one last time as she slammed the door to your bedroom. 

You threw your pillows on the floor while wailing out loud, though it will never be heard. You weren’t sure what went wrong in your life, but everything seems to become a failure every fucking minute. 

The following day, you decided to return to school. With visible dark circles under your eyes, you lazily walked to your desk where Oikawa was already waiting for your presence. 

“Hey, are you okay? You didn’t come to school for two days. What happened?” Oikawa's gentle voice greeted you the first thing in the morning. He sounded worried. You shrugged your shoulders, ignoring his questions for the time being. 

You were quiet, not even bothering to pick a fight with Oikawa like you guys always do. Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi, asking him if he knew what’s going on with you. It turned out Iwaizumi didn't know about it either. 

Iwaizumi inhaled a deep breath, lowkey suspecting that you were going through something. Probably had something to do with your boyfriend. But, he knew better than to intervene. If you ever come to him, then he’ll keep you company.  

Every second passing by felt like an eternity. You kept on going to the bathroom only to break down in the cubicle. If this goes on any longer, you’d collapse for sure.

“Y/N! Let’s go to lunch!” Oikawa cheerfully said as he closed his textbook and kept it under his desk. You looked at him, “Okay.” Your short answer freaked him out a bit. That was the first thing you said to him on that day. 

Oikawa didn’t realize you were walking slowly until he realized you had collapsed on the floor. The other students gasped in shock as they gathered around you to check on your condition. 

The brunette gasped as he yelled for Iwaizumi’s name to ask for his help. Both of them ran to get you, who just collapsed on the floor. 

“Can someone call the teacher?” Iwaizumi asked one of the students there to go and get help. Iwaizumi checked on your pulse, making sure it’s still beating. Fuck. His mind was about to explode from all the possibilities. 

Oikawa rested your head in his lap. Not long after, the teacher came and brought you to the hospital as soon as possible. Iwaizumi was with you the entire ride to the hospital. He couldn’t keep himself patient. A million thoughts were running in his mind. 

You heard people whispering around you the moment you opened your eyes. You looked around you and found your mother, your teacher and... Iwaizumi? It’s him, right? You weren’t mistaken. His sharp jawline and raven hair. No one else looks as gorgeous as him. 

Wait. That’s not right to be thinking of it this time.

Iwaizumi glanced over at you and noticed you’re already awake. “Doctor, she’s awake!” he immediately told the doctor in front of him. 

The doctor rushed to get to you and checked on your condition. “She’s awake, professor”, the doctor informed your mother. Your mother let out a relieved sigh before she approached you on the hospital bed. 

“Your friend told you that you collapsed at school today. What happened?” your mother asked. Not even an ounce of worry flowed in her tone. But she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t worried when she got a call from the teacher informing her that you collapsed in school. 

“I was sick. I guess,” you sarcastically replied. You kept your head hung low, not wanting to look at everyone in the eyes. Embarrassing, you thought. How weak and pathetic. 

She went silent for a moment. It was entirely her fault for neglecting you yesterday. The truth is, she just didn’t know how to comfort you the way your late father had always comforted you. And she was fine with you blaming her because she’s at fault. 

The silence was deafening and Iwaizumi felt awkward being in the middle of this hospital room. He glanced over at you who returned an awkward glance. 

Your mother didn’t say anything but ensured that you're okay before telling you that she had a minor surgery to perform on a patient. "I have surgery in 10 minutes. I have to go now. Take care, darling. I’ll come back to you when I’m done,” your mother said as she patted your head.

Before she left, she stopped in her tracks to look at your teacher and the man beside you, Iwaizumi.

"Thank you for coming here with her. I owe you a lot," your mother thanked Iwaizumi and your teacher. Your teacher then left to take care of school matters, leaving you under Iwaizumi's supervision. 

He stood there and watched you with a stoic expression. Well, it’s not like you could read him anyway. Both of you exchanged stares as silence surrounded the hospital room. 

“What are you doing here? You have practice, idiot!” you blurted out in half-murmurs. It’s not like you didn’t know about this man and his volleyball practices. He can easily get scouted as a professional volleyball player with his routine. Obviously you didn’t want him to waste his time keeping you company at the hospital. 

You heard a scoff from the man that had you looking at him with a furrowed eyebrow. Iwaizumi locked eyes with you.   

“Even when you’re sick, you’re still acting like a brat?” Iwaizumi shot you a look with an indecipherable expression. 

His words silenced you. “I’m sorry. You have practice. You should get back to school, or else you’ll miss practice. I am being a considerate person, Iwa. I know how practices are important to you.” 

Iwaizumi shrugged his shoulders, “Oikawa said it’s fine. He wants to visit you this evening. After he arrives, I’ll leave with him.” 

You didn’t know how to respond other than asking them to not mind you. So, you gave him a slow nod, avoiding his gaze at all costs.

“Do you need anything to eat? I’ll go and buy it for you,” Iwaizumi offered. He still remembered how he reacted when the doctor said you collapsed because of dehydration and lacked nutrients. In reality, you starved yourself for the past two days and hid alone in your bed. 

“Never mind. It’s useless asking you, anyway. I’ll just go buy whatever that will make you full,” Iwaizumi decided. He walked out of the door and went to the convenience store in the hospital. You didn’t get to say a word so you watched him leave. 

Iwaizumi came back with food and even fruits in his hands. “I just bought whatever is left. So, eat this for now. I think the nurse will come back with a meal later. Have this for now.” 

The plastic bag was then shoved into your hands but Iwaizumi took it back and placed it on the table instead. He took out the food one by one so you could take a look and choose what you wanted to eat first. 

You felt like he was scolding you instead of asking you to eat. Feeling dazed, you only stared at the food in front of you.

“I know for a fact that you would hate someone to feed you, or are you actually waiting for that?” Iwaizumi clicked his tongue as he sat on the chair beside your bed. 

You scoffed, “I can eat by myself, Iwa.” You proceeded to take the microwaved rice with curry and fed yourself a spoonful of rice. You chew the tasteless food, only to pour it all out not long after.

You ran to the toilet in your room and poured everything you’ve eaten just now. Iwaizumi gasped. He ran after you to ensure you’re fine. He held your hair for you while you were puking in the toilet bowl. You sat beside the toilet bowl lifelessly. Your head was aching like crazy to the point you felt like the whole world was spinning at a rapid speed.

Iwaizumi could only stare at you. “What happened to you exactly?” Iwaizumi asked with a laid-back voice. He was concerned. He was just trying to look out for a friend. Well, he definitely knew something was wrong with you the moment you skipped school after yelling at him the other day. 

You chuckled tiredly. Your energy was drained, leaving you with nothing. “I guess you can predict what happened to me, right?” 

Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows. What did you mean? Though his suspicions might be right. He is rarely wrong. Instead, he gave you a reply of “I am not a mind reader. Spit it out.” 

You tried to get back up, but your legs gave up on you. Iwaizumi helped you to get up and brought you back to your bed. He’s still waiting for your answer. 

“I broke up with Semi, and it turned out he was cheating with your ex-girlfriend. What a funny world,” you chuckled. You looked outside the high rise window next to your bed with the view of skyscrapers. 

“That’s all?” Iwaizumi questioned. You nodded weakly, expecting him to lecture you.

“Look, I know you loved him, but you have to take care of yourself too, you know. He doesn’t do you any good. It’s time for you to let that toxic relationship go to waste, Y/N,” Iwaizumi lectured you, but clearly you weren’t listening to what he said. 

Iwaizumi tilted your face gently with his fingers. You weren’t even looking at him in the eyes as tears dropped on your face. “I’m sorry if I ever did anything wrong to you, Iwa”, you apologized. 

“Why are you crying? Oh my goodness,” Iwaizumi panicked. He genuinely did not know what to do in this situation. Slowly, he brought your head to his warm body. “It’s unlike you to cry, tough girl”, his voice softened while patting your head gently. 

You chuckled, your vision glistening with tears. Iwaizumi’s touch made you feel comfortable, something that you need at the moment. 

“My mom didn’t even care about me. Sh-she just left..” you mumbled softly under your breath. Your tears weren't stopping spilling out from your tears duct.

“She's busy, right? You know that more than anyone,” Iwaizumi hummed. His voice was soothing that it made you smiled, but you made sure you kept it hidden from Iwaizumi himself. He’d tease you endlessly if he ever sees you smile because of what he said. 

“Dumbass, you need to eat. Are you trying to get sick again? Come on, eat this,” Iwaizumi said as he pointed to the rice he bought for you just now. You let out a deep sigh as you stared at the rice with a blank expression. You had lost your appetite, to be frankly speaking. 

You took another bite, making sure your stomach fully digest it. Iwaizumi on your side waited for you to eat your meal properly. You felt like you had hired a personal bodyguard with him staring down on you the entire time.

“Iwa, you don’t have to look at me like that”, you scoffed lightly at him while feeding yourself another bite of the rice. 

“I was making sure you’re eating properly”, Iwaizumi exclaimed. He dragged the chair closer to you. You gave a side glance at him, “Stop!” you yelled with a giggle. 

“Oh, is that a laugh I hear?” Iwaizumi teased you. You shook your head continuously, trying to deny it even though the hard smile on your face was evident. 

“I was sure I heard you laughed”, he wiggled his eyebrows at you. You just let out an annoyed sigh with rolled eyes at him. Both of you then looked at each other with a smile. 

“Oikawa's gonna be here after school, by the way. He’s bringing Matsukawa and Makki along,” he informed you as he just got a message from Oikawa saying he’d drop by after school ends. 

“Oh. You guys, you know... don’t have to visit me. You guys have practices after all,” you mumbled awkwardly while fidgeting with your fingers on top of the hospital's thin blanket. 

Iwaizumi frowned at your sentence, “Our friend is sick, of course, we have to pay a visit. Don’t you think you would do the same thing too?" He crossed his arms while staring at you with an unreadable look. Whatever you said just now made him questioned if you really look at the four of them as friends. 

You chuckled rigidly, “I’ve never had a real friend other than Yuuji, you know. That's why I was surprised seeing you guys here." 

“Oh- Terushima, you meant? I’m sorry if my words offended you,” he apologized, realizing what he said earlier might come across as rude. 

“Yeah, Yuuji is my only friend. He knows everything. Even if I’m stubborn, he still sticks with me. I owe him a lot,” you chattered, another tear dropped on your face. It’s just that you have gone through a lot, and it sickened you that nothing in your life ever worked out anymore. 

“Do you want me to give him a call that you got admitted? I can do that for you,” Iwaizumi asked. He knew how important Yuuji is to you. 

“I’ll tell him myself soon,” you smiled bitterly.

“How soon were you talking about?” Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows. It’s not like he doesn’t know how you are, generally. 

You let out a soft sigh, “Truthfully, he’d nag if he knew I got admitted again.” 

“What do you mean?” Iwaizumi asked. His expression showed that he didn’t get what you meant. 

A nervous chuckle escaped your mouth. You were clueless about how to break it to him. “I’ve been admitted to hospital several times, to be honest. So, you know, he’ll nag the shit out of me if he knows this.”

You clearly saw his confused expression. Iwaizumi cleared his throat, “Of course he’d nag you, dumbass. Who wants to see their friend falls sick?”

“I know. I know that Iwa. It's just that... Nevermind. But, thank you so much for helping me today,” you thanked him again with a genuine smile this time.

Not long after, Oikawa, along with Makki and Matsukawa, arrived at your door with a bag of food. You smiled at them weakly, trying to give them a warm welcome.

“What happened, Y/N? I was shocked when the ambulance rushed you to the hospital,” Makki asked as he took a seat on the couch provided. You let out a soft sigh, “I was just stressed, and then I passed out. It happened before, so no worries.”

“That doesn’t convince me. Iwa-chan, what happened?” Oikawa appealed. He crossed his arms and looked at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi glanced over at you, “Y/N starved herself. She said she forgot to eat.”

Matsukawa looked at you with a mischievous smile, “Y/N, you’re really something. How could you forget to eat unintentionally? What’s wrong?” His tone was hinting that he couldn’t believe such mistake could happen.

Ah, there you were, caught red-handed. You bit your lip, “I-um, I suffered a loss of a loved one, okay? So.. yeah.”

“Oh my, what happened?” Oikawa asked this time. He was genuinely concerned and he also thought you had lost someone you truly loved.

“Y/N broke up with her boyfriend”, Iwaizumi blurted at last. Oikawa looked at you in disbelief, “What? I thought someone passed away or something. That douchebag? God, Y/N, you deserve so much better!”

You scoffed at Oikawa's words, “I know. My best friend has been telling me that every time. Thank you for the gentle reminder, Oikawa. I appreciate it. Thanks for dropping by too. I truly appreciate all of you coming here today.”

"Stop with that nonsense, please. We are your friends. That's what friends should do the very least," Oikawa scoffed dramatically. His brown eyes landed on your weak figure. He knew how painful your breakup was. Oikawa was in your place once upon a time. "You have to let go of that relationship, Y/N. Trust me," Oikawa said.

Yeah, the same old thing. You know it but you just couldn’t do it. Being cheated on is the final straw and you have to let this relationship for your own good too. Moving on takes time but everything starts from zero. You are not sure how you are going to do it, but you know it definitely will take you somewhere.

“Your words of wisdom might convince me someday but I’ll try. Thanks,” you gave him a bitter smile and Oikawa gave you the boyish grin that has all of his fan girls falling on their knees. Hopefully they will not come after you.

Iwaizumi gave his friends a once over, “She’s back.”

All of them burst into laughter after Iwaizumi said that, insinuating your sarcasm was the indicator of you coming back. You swatted him on the arm and he ruffled your hair messily.

“You’ll pay for that, Iwa,” you threatened him with a glare.

“Gladly looking forward to it,” he said with a glint of mischievous in his eyes, along with the stupid grin you wanted to wipe from his face.

Funny enough, your stupid heart decided to flutter at his remarks. Well, looks like you have another trouble to look out for.

[theangrypomeranian]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

I'm sorry this is so late orz life has been pretty crazy this past week lol.

Baby Steps

Summary:

After going through a terrible break up, Tina is left trying to pick up the broken pieces of her heart and life. Luckily, Zeke is there to help her with his tried and true method: touch therapy (literally). Through many trials and tribulations, they slowly learn how to grow and move on...together. A story of healing, friendship, and falling in love.

i doubt anyone is surprised by this choice lol. this fic is my pride and joy, i worked on it for a year and kept up a consistent update schedule for it. it's a story that is very near and dear to my heart and helped me start to heal my inner teenager.

2. i hate accidents (except when we went from friends to this)

Summary:

Best friends Louise and Rudy get married for tax purposes. No, really, that's totally it, honest. No way are any actual feelings gonna form. No way... ...unless...?

the fic i wrote for Roudise week 2023. this story was SO MUCH FUN to write omg. the whole premise started as a joke between my beta reader Red and I about these two getting married for taxes and the prompts for the week were announced i knew i had to use the idea. it was a huge hit with the Roudise side of the fandom and i'm so glad that they all loved it so much.

3. Safe and Sound

Summary:

When Tina Belcher is reaped for the Hunger Games, she's sure that her life is over. But when Zeke Tisdale volunteers as the male tribute and promises to protect her in the arena, she realizes that she might have a chance of surviving this...if she can avoid falling for him.

the Hunger Games AU i wrote for Zekina week 2023. as most of my followers probably know by now, i freaking LOVE the Hunger Games series, both the movies and the books (though I lean a lil more towards the books lol). the prompts for the week immediately made me think of it, and since i'd already had the first 2k or so words typed out already i figured why not finish it for the week? it was also written as the week went on because it was a last minute decision lol.

4. Long Way Home

Summary:

After Zeke leaves for three months to work for a logging company in Alaska, Tina receives a call telling her that he passed away in an avalanche. Devastated but determined to stay strong for her loved ones, she must learn how to live without the one that got away. ...or does she? Because unknown to all, Zeke survived - and he is fighting with the Last Frontier to get back home.

my current WIP. this one started as a weird ass dream i had about my otp and i told Red about it, then she proceeded to pitch a reworking of it for a fic and i was instantly in love with the concept. it's very niche so i don't blame anyone for giving it a pass, but i love it and that's all that matters. and for the fifth rec i'm putting down two because i genuinely cannot choose between them (and since when do i ever follows the rules for these kinds of asks XD):

Meet Me in the Afterglow

Summary:

Three months after she's peer pressured into breaking up with Henry, Susmita gets a call that her grandmother has died. Henry offers to take her home for the funeral and she quickly realizes that she's made a huge mistake. Can she sort through her feelings and win back her man? Or is it too late for them?

i LOVE this fic. normally i hate break up fics but i worked very hard on this one and did SO MUCH RESEARCH for it. overall i think i did really good with it and i'm always thrilled when someone reads it.

you better leave (it's not safe in here)

Summary:

Tina lives an idealistic life in the small community of Victory. Every day is the same, structured, secure. All of her neighbors know and like her, and her husband Jordan is a quiet unassuming man who works hard so that she can stay home and be a good housewife. Life is good and peaceful. However, sometimes she can't help but feel as if she doesn't belong there, and her nightly dreams of a tall and handsome man with an accent make her question if her marriage is really as happy as she's been led to believe. But then strange things start to happen and Tina starts to wonder if something more sinister is going on in Victory...

the Don't Worry Darling AU that no one asked for lmao. i was so let down by the movie but still loved the concept, so i decided to use it for a fic and loved the end result. just like with LWH, this one is very niche so i understand why it's not more popular. but i really love this fic and hope that one day it gets the recognition it deserves.

[babbushka]

Do you have any life updates you’d be comfortable sharing from the Z household? I’m excited to see and hear from you again!

There isn’t any tumblr news that I know of. It’s really dead here these days. I only know of stories put out by you and safarigirlsp this year. If there are other new writers, I don’t know about them yet. I love that you guys are writing big stories and working on more important things than fic. But if I’m being honest, I miss the crazy days of all the fics flying around.

Are there any projects or fics or even movies coming out that you’re excited about? 😘

Hello dear anon! There's been so much happening here from Chez Z, between my day job, rewriting my scripts, crafting, making weekend plans with friends, traveling to see friends and family, it's a whirlwind! But I'm excited to be back now that life has settled down a bit after the wedding, and get back to my favorite pasttime -- writing and sharing fic with you guys.

As for any specific life updates, my wife and I are going camping this weekend (very scary for me because I am fussy and like to be in air conditioning and silk sheets), and I am making travel plans for August! The wife and I are seeing Hozier, and my godson turns 1 so we're traveling to help make it the best first birthday ever.

I am also attempting to enter the duck stamp contest (god willing i actually finish it this year to submit it lol) and we are already planning our halloween costumes because we make them ourselves and we are procrastinators!

Sorry that was long -- @safarigirlsp is truly the GOAT and everything she writes is gold!!! I could spend an entire weekend dedicated to sharing her fics, and you know what? I just might! I've really been hankering to revisit our favorite stories and show our favorite authors some love.

I miss it too, anon. I really do. I know that obviously, things will never be what they once were, and that's just life. But I am a firm believer in making the change you want to see in this world, and the only way to foster a fandom environment is to participate in it!

I have a huge (i'm talking 300k+) fic series in the works for Kylo MF Ren lol. I'm trying to save up some chapters before posting so it can have a semi-regular posting schedule so I don't disappoint anyone. This fic is consuming all my thoughts for fanfic, and I really really hope it's worth it when you guys start reading it!

Sending you all my love, I hope all is well <33

[flowerpot-broppy]

SO! i feel bad about updating after so long! my life has been going…. uh... not so well to say the least. BUT! if you are wondering! overall, It's been ok, and i want to move on to trolls! First things first, Honey! shes doing ok development wise, but I wanted to give you guys a little something, something to cling too, a cool little bit while you are being so patient with me. so! introducing Feral Honeydew! I took some inspiration from a lot of different fics, but mostly from To Be Left Behind on AO3. ive been reading it since the beginning (chap. 11 through all of it tbh) and I love the way the feral behavior is portrayed, especially through the perspective of other trolls like Clay, JD and Spruce/Bruce. Anyway, with Honey in my au, she has not seen another troll (pop or otherwise) in 20 years! shes stuck to the forest and survived on her own, A tough cookie and maybe a little crazy and distrusting lol

Next up we have Mount Rageous!Honey X John Dory! So she finds him within the first few years (2-5) of him leaving the troll tree and they live happily ever after with 3+ kids cause I said so!! except not really cause JD goes back to the Troll Tree after 2 or 3 years and just assumes his whole family is dead, Yikes!!! He thinks all of his Bros and Grandma are gone and when he finds out branch is alive durring the rockpocalypse he totally flips! (its a whole thing, ill make a post about it later. Maybe.) Thats what therapy is for folks! and JD gets a lot of it in all my AUs before hes ready to have a family orrr even introduce Honey to any of the bros if they haven’t met already! Its only cause Floyd is in a life or death situation that JD even goes to his rescue, but he also has encouragement from his adopted daughter cotton!! ill be posting about her a lot soon too!!!! So! I have officially moved into my new house, BUT i am going to have to move into either another one close by, OR move across the country in a few weeks AGAIN… either way, I'm so sorry for being so busy and inactive!!! let me know if you guys have any questions or anything as id be happy to answer!

[taeiun]

TAEIUN UPDATE (05/07/24)

hello everyone!! im not sure how many of you still keep up with this blog and i am so sorry for being inactive for so long (a full month sheesh…) and for not posting anything for longer than that! i have a couple updates, some good some bad, and a few changes i want to make to this blog.

TL;DR: canceling the beomgyu smau + possible future redo, temporary archive of this blog, future works planned.

O1. from the lack of of updates and the low interactions ive gotten, i think you guys can already guess that the beomgyu smau i posted back in march was going to be terminated at some point. it’s not that ive lost full interest in the plot. im just unhappy woth the setup and also dont have things flushed out to where i think an smau would work as a format. i do hope to publish it again some time in the future but for now, that post will be taken down.

O2. again, based off my inactivity i dont think it’s much of a surprise for me to say im going to be temporarily archiving this blog. that doesnt mean im never coming back! its just that right now i dont know how long it’ll be before i get back into a consistent writing schedule again. think of it just as an extended hiatus; the main difference is that im calling it an archive in case i dont come back at all. ofc ill announce if im going for good but this is just in case.

O3. i dont think i’ll be gone for good (knock on wood) so while i stay kind of inactive, there a few things im changing up here.

declutterring: going to be deleting spam posts and tidying up my blog to make the viewing experience more pleasurable!! i have a second blog where i ramble and shit post so i dont need this one for it.

reposts of old works: i dont have the time as of now to be working on brand new shiny content, so i hope people dont mind me possibly reposting a couple of my fave older stuff from my previous blog.

O4. i am crafting new things! they just wont be out for a while. a few things on my mind are:

zb1 apocalypse au: i have standalone fics for all the members and i hope to get this done at least before calling it quits. taerae my boy…

a couple different possible supernatural!skz smau mini series: little bit on the fence with these ones bc im not fully into skz (despite saying i write for them lol) so im not sure how much passion i can put into this project. if not the mini series, then i’ll be working on a minho fic within that au instead!

i think that about sums up where this blog is going. in general ive been good. busy with school and idea of uni but good-ish. ive been enjoying life for itself and got closer with one of my irls which has been so nice :DD im also facing a bit of a writer’s slump bc of the mental switch from a heavy math and science academics semester to an only analytical and writing semester. honestly, i really do want to keep this blog around. its just hard when my interest in kpop as a whole has dwindled down so fast? like its crazy how quickly i kind of got over this phase ngl- but yeah! thats it for me <33

thanks for sticking to the end of this if you did! no hard feelings if you didnt. its funny i say that bc they wouldnt be able to see this if they didnt but oh well. that’s all from me for today!!

— ur fave, sol / jun.

[silawastaken]

the way it genuinely brought tears to my eyes as i finished the last chapter of the soulmate au. like??? this fic has been my LIFE for the past couple months and seeing the update always made my week 😭.

though I actually cannot wait to see whatever else you write, especially the spinoff and two slow dancers!!! (i haven’t read chapter 1 of the spinoff yet but i WILL right after i finish writing this)

and i’ve also met some amazing people through this fic which is crazy to me because if i didn’t click on this work that one day i was scrolling through ao3 what would’ve happened?? it’s just so insane to think about honestly…and the discord?? everyone on there is so nice it feels like such a welcoming little community. even just going through and reading all the messages brightens my day.

I SWEAR one day i will bind this fic and dedicate some sort of shrine to it on my bookshelf. i will recommend it to anyone and everyone i come across. i will think about it from years to come. i will dedicate my future successes to this beautiful piece of literature.

maybe i’m a little obsessed but hey. the emotions i experienced whilst reading this were unparalleled and it HAS made an impact on my life and myself as a person. (me and my bsf make a bunch of inside jokes and refs about this all the time like ill fall asleep on call and she’ll go “omg dazai and chuuya from the soulmate au!!”)

just sayin people can shame fic readers/writers all they want but some things i’ve read on ao3 are literally published book quality and they have NO idea what they’re missing out on.

ahh sorry for my rant i just wanted to get this out there :D time to go read the spinoff!!

I'm surprised I'm not completely emotionally wrecked like ??? This has been my life for months as well, I've spent so much time on this it's insane, updating was always my favourite part of the day. I really do hope you like the rest of what I write, as much if not more than the soulmate au, though I don't think I'll ever get better than this tbh 😭

I also think about it a lot, what would I be doing if I hadn't posted the first chapter of this? If I had given up halfway? Genuinely, if it weren't for this fic, and the people I've met through it, I wouldn't be who I am, and I wouldn't be as happy or content as I am. I'd be positively miserable. Genuinely, the little community we've gathered is the best thing ever <3

If you bind this fic I'd love to see how it turns out, though a shrine does seem a little excessive lol 😭😭 but hey if you wanna recommend it I will not complain!!! You're not the only person who this fic has changed- surprisingly, because in my mind it's still the like four sentence idea in my notes app- and I also get it, I'm making references all the time 😔 i saw a tub of strawberries in the store and was jumping around in glee.

I don't think this was quite book quality, but I appreciate the sentiment 😭 I'm so glad you liked this so much, and I hope you like the spin off too <3

[thatdesklamp]

the fact that we’ve gotten through the worst of it and its only up from here makes me feel so relieved like i fr cant wait for the upcoming chapter… also i dont wanna rush you (please take your time IW is a masterpiece) but do you have an idea of when the next chapter will be released

Quick update from me!

Hallo—I’ve got a few asks like this (asking ab the next chapter) and I’m not sure yet!! Sorry T_T When stuff gets hectic irl it means I have to actually focus on my real-life tasks and the stuff that isn’t immediate tends to fall by the wayside!

Also, as a quick note—this ask is lovely, and so many other people’s have been! I do appreciate the very hyper-polite way people have been asking about updates, lmao. I get it, I’ve been on the other side where I just want to reach through the screen and shake the author and just go UPDATE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, lol.

But a gentle reminder to some that I write fanfic as a hobby! I don’t have an update schedule because I don’t enjoy forcing myself to write—whilst I’m buzzing that IW has so many people who like it and are eager for more content, I do ultimately write for myself and for my own enjoyment. I’ve had some asks that have been pretty blunt, semi-demanding a new update, or just point-blank stating how long it’s been since a new update and that I should be getting a new one up soon. Nothing crazy, and it’s really just unpleasant at its worst. But still, I’d prefer not to get them if possible lmao! Look—there is absolutely no way that I’m ever leaving IW unfinished, I can assure you, but I make no promises (and never have) about *when* that is.

Again, I understand the frustration—I read ao3 fics too!! I’ve been there!! I’m sorry that I’m not getting this out speedier!! But I don’t enjoy getting messages like those, and they definitely don’t make me write any faster, lol.

Tl;dr, not sure on the next update, waiting for things to get less hectic on my end. I appreciate the support and will try to get something out for you guys, but I cannot say when. Cheers all!

[monst]

Okay finally have some time to tell ya about the bs I dreamt last night 🥲

Um TW: Monster fucking? (Listen I don't know what he was🥹 there was also no actual fucking it was only implied) Yandere, Pregnancy? idk a baby just comes out of nowhere and I have no interest in having anyone's big headed child so that shit spooked me, child abandonment and uh kidnapping 😭 nothing really descriptive or graphic but still just thought I'd add this.

So there I was minding my business w my mom and sister when we came upon some new dimension? (Ngl now that I think of it he could've been a type of fae) All the mfs there were attractive and very inviting, we kikied w them and all that and then I met him. Stereotypical hot elf looking guy very blonde, green eyes pale tall etc. And apparently I fell in love w him, even in my dream I was like wtf me? In love? Ha! That's not something I do especially since we had just met! Like?? Huh?

And I was talking crazy dique 'no i'm not going back with you guys I'm staying with...' bro I don't think I even got his name 😭 but I stayed w him while they left and shortly after we had a kid. She creeped the hell outta me 💀💀💀 like that baby was conscious and could speak to you telepathically. And apparently my husband cause we got married was like fucking velcro and so... I left 🙈 couldn't do it and dipped back to the human world. Pretty sure having that kid broke whatever trance I was probably in cause oof.

Yes I left him w the baby 😂 she was like a couple months? So I was like eh she won't miss me, he can move on and he's definitely got enough money and time to be a single father. That and there were plenty of other fae(?) willing to look after her for him. Took off at night and went back to my life like that's that time to move on but no! I got to see the baby's pov and I don't know wtf type gps powers that little shit had but she was plotting w her daddy.

So gps Sally over here was giving him updates on my location. Which I didn't know cause I was chilling settling back into my life. And while I was on a date he showed up. I was chatting with my date as we tried chocolates and when we were gonna go back to sit he was there. Menacingly sitting right behind my date who sat down first. But the thing was that he didn't look right... It was very uncanny valley, he was sheet white, and his eyes were acid green and wide. Bro wasn't blinking or even breathing. So I booked it.

Hiked up my dress and ran down the block. The suddenly empty block and listen I'm 5'2 he was like 6 something I wasn't outrunning him 😭😭 mf tackled me into the concrete. (Ya ever felt the air leave you in a dream cause I felt that 😬) I don't know what he did after cause next thing I know I come to with my demon baby in my arms and I'm sat on a couch. There's a couple of women w me part of his kin I assume cause they were all telling me that they were sorry for me and that I should apologize.

Idk their energy was real angsty/nervous and it was putting me off. So obviously I was now scared cause wtf 😭 some were saying I could still get away like wdym?! What's he gonna do?!? And my demon baby was like no she ain't going nowhere and called for him telepathically!?!!!? 🥹 so he walks in and he's sucking all the freaking light from the room as he's getting closer. His face changes once he is right up against my face, that same creepy vaguely human thing. Dead-eyed stare, and his lips were pulled back too wide for his face. Mind you the kid is still between us when he grabs my face to tell me that I'm not allowed to leave him ever.

Then I woke up 😀 Oooh that was unpleasant. Anyways now I'm just thinking that this will make for a good fic 🤔 switch up the deets and all that. so like inspo lol

[izuom]

favorite kpop group(s) tag game!

tagged by : @writingmochi thank you for the tag lissie!! (and ofc for always having me included in these!)

sorry i cuss a lot

who is your favourite kpop group?

oh boy.. i hope i’m able to answer this without having to list down more than 10+ groups all at once (i’m being serious) but if having favs that you’re constantly updated to then : bts, txt, le sserafim, enhypen, nct dream, riize & aespa!

which member sparked your interest first?

i’m having the toughest time now but here we go

bts : JUNGKOOK! who else other than our used one of the main rappers (WE LOST TO RAPPER JUNGKOOK BEFORE 2015 AND IM STILL BITTER but out of honesty that sadnesses washed away the moment when he decided to birth outro : love is not over and let’s just say i’ve never been fine since then) bro has been an all-rounder since day one and to that he was the one that made me to discover bts (touché)

txt : yeonjun (duh) i was once a bts popper so the moment we were getting a new boy group under bh i just knew i had to check them out. i mean yeonjun is literally every moa’s first love so it’s almost understandable for him to be the first member for you to be interested to LOL

le sserafim : huh to the yunjin (are we serious? that woman slayed on her first day job) it’s mesmerising to see that source music *blood coughing* decided to give us a closure…………… but miss it girl yunjin, duh she’s a starstruck i know it’s getting out of the phrase but i’ll always be grateful that she becomes an idol. the world (read kpop) wouldn’t be the same without her existence. 

enhypen : SUNGHOON!!!!! ON AN ICE RINK!!!! SKATING!!!!! LIKE ???? IVE NEVER SEEN AN IDOL WHO WERE AN ICE SKATER BEFORE LIKE ??? THATS THE MOST PUREST BEAUTIFUL FORM SOMEONE COULDVE BE???

nct dream : mark! bc he was one of the members that were introduced first as part of the nct u sub-unit. i first watched him performing the 7th sense debut performance on music bank and was surprised to see him in the other remaining sub-unit under sm (but then i figured it out that nct IS a group that consists few sub-unit) (i was confused, still am)

riize : wonbin. any attractive man with long hair never not makes me HOOKED on a first sight. he’s majestic. AS HELL. he plays the guitar very well too?? 

aespa : karina!! also i think this was everyone’s normal occurrences of having karina as the first member that sparked your interest in aespa bc same. i only know her first in aespa like she’s mentioned in every fic or edit or on stan twt like… she’s everywhere it’s crazy. (the power she holds)

who was your first bias?

INTERESTING

bts : hoseok. man do we need to replay my first love? HE WAS THE MAN OF MY LIFE.

txt : soobin,, ARE WE SURPRISE AGAIN 

le sserafim : chaewon! i think the answer is there.

enhypen : sunghoon (forever will) 

nct dream : jisung. bro when i say that i used to have a serious crush on him? 2018 zu was a jisung’s whipped era.

riize : sungchan! 90s love was a life experience. (man decided to just make a cameo and slay as fuck) i know we are suppose to talk about sungchan in riize but he’s my first bias in riize ONLY because i knew him first alongside with shotaro (sungtaro slay) 

aespa : KIM MINJEONG. YOU CANNOT TALK TO ME ON HER. SHE WAS MY FIRST LOVE??? 

who is your current bias?

basically just the same except for bts & nct dream :D

bts : yoongi (i am a joke)

txt : soobin (salute for being this loyal)

le sserafim : chaewon

enhypen : sunghoon

nct dream : renjun (....... surprise surprise)

riize : sungchan (eventho i highly think this won’t last long….fuck)

aespa : ningning

what makes them your current bias?

bts : I KNOW CRAZY. i’ve been there for hobi since 2014 esp around those times when no one was there to appreciate him truly as one of the members (DARK TIMES FOR ME, we do not talk about that) but then 2017 yoongi came in. it’s just something about yoongi himself that soothes my soul in peace. the way he thought of things in his own perspective without disrespecting anybody and the way he’s just a full walking comfort a person could be for anyone, for me particularly. his godly, incredible amount of times he’d shown off his talent in rap, producing and things he’d done. i can talk about yoongi that people wouldn't be able to understand bc he’s so ?? what a person is supposed to be. is there anything to prove why i decided to change a bias? 

txt : when soobin was introduced as the second member of txt (gurl) when i told you that soobin introduction film was… a first love at sight moment, it was true. soobin has been the love of my fucking life since then. actually no there’s so many things that i love about soobin. so many things, it’s unexplainable. i can confidently say that his voice caught me off-guard on a first listen. i know it’s dramatic as hell (ANYTHING I SAY ABOUT MY BIASES ARE SO QUESTIONABLE BUT I AM BEING SERIOUS) he has the rarest vocal on his falsetto? he’s doing it effortlessly too? if that’s not enough to actually prove my point of him being my bias then idk what is. man is majestic as hell too. (BONUS POINT!)

le sserafim : AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH god chaewon… honestly, i wasn’t a wiz*one bc produce 48 was shitty as hell. (I WATCHED EVERY MNET SURVIVAL SHOW EXCEPT FOR THIS) neither do i like the final debut lineup for iz*one. i just couldn’t pinpoint what was missing but that’s not the point of that rn. well. for me, i think the majority of people would have agreed with me about this but chaewon is better off with le sserafim. (AUDIENCE GASP) i COULD NEVER say that she caught my attention even the tiniest bit when she was in iz*one, but she did ON A FIRST SIGHT OF HER DEBUT IN LE SSERAFIM. the way that she kept on improving and i didn’t even know that she can dance so well???? (this woman is literally everyone’s type and it’s FUCKING understandable) i watched their documentary too and i love her even much more than i should’ve? i think having chaewon as my bias, it’s emotional. i am emotionally attached to her and i don’t want to seek therapy. 

enhypen : *internally crying, hysterically screaming* are we ready to hear the part of me losing almost entirely of my sanity? i was away from home for the first time for my college, and never really bothered to get updated with my kpop life. those days were.. hectic (as everyone did) but long short story i was on tiktok, at my room, at home since for so long, AFTER my hectic first sem and i just so happened to stumble upon a sunghoon edit on an ice rink, skating WITH THE TIMOTHEE TREND SONG (2020 WAS 4 YEARS AGO TOO?? GOD) AND IM LIKE ??? WHO IS THIS? I NEED TO KNOW WHO IS HE. yk i haven’t watched iland yet at that time (and probably shouldn’t so that i wouldn’t have to endure the trauma that show gave me), and only decided to watch it bc of him. I JUST LOVE LOVE skater park sunghoon a lot more than myself (that should be considered as normal btw) and i never regretted checking out on iland bc if i don’t i wouldn’t have known just how unique his talent is? you can ACTUALLY tell he has the most unique way of dancing, as if he’s dancing with every bit of his skating method and combining it to his dancing style and it’s just ?? beautiful… god park sunghoon i love him a lot.

nct dream : crying as i type this, i love renjun a lot. man is so demonically pure. i haven’t been on nct shit for SO LONG until last year (only applicable for nct dream) and i am attached as shit as they wanted me to be. i think re-stanning nct dream (i will say this forever if i’ve to prove how much they mean to me) was the peak of the third quarter of my life last year. but as for renjun, he’s just so easy to love? for me, his own persona to things as a person always never makes me so deeply attached. (like the fucking loser i am) renjun have a lot of things you can say a lot of things to, like his vocals? (ik you can confidently say that sm has the most vocals out of that shitty company) but i LOVE to listen to his voice. he’s singing with his emotions and my soul thaws in silence every time. HES ALSO SO ROMANTIC LIKE??? MAN CASUALLY JUST ASKED HIS TEAMMATES TO HAVE A MATCHING FRIENDSHIP RINGS LIKE? 

riize : as for sungchan, i think i'm still learning about him. I know i’ve seen him a few times (more than 10 times on screen as for the appearance of the inkigayo and being part of nct) but i still have a lot of things to learn before i can list things down. (gurl you’re in love with another member)

aespa : i love everything about ning yizhuo. i honestly have no idea how i changed my bias but i could never say no to people who can sing well. her vocals?? i can listen to her singing on a daily basis. shes a stunner, a mother=my type. well, her whole existence stands out the most when i first discovered aespa. i just love ningning, she’s so loveable, i love her except for she idolized that one problematic rat. 

who is your bias wrecker

bts : i love them all equally. (jungkook)

txt : taehyun. stfu 

le sserafim : kazuha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love my woman a ballerina 

enhypen : jungwon. 

nct dream : zhong chenle (hes so attractive???????????)

riize : eunseok 

aespa : minjeong……………………

which member are you currently obsessing that aren’t your bias/bias wrecker

bts : i’ll skip them (they be on military, i’ve no one to be obsessed to recently)

txt : beomgyu. (DAEGU MEN STAY AWAY FROM ME)

le sserafim : YUNJIN. she needs to stop 

enhypen : heeseung. i think i’ve problems with the 01 liner. 

nct dream : none i guess. (i'm still obsess with renjun)

riize : ….. sohee. i think out of the groups, sohee has the most valid reasons and i'm fully to blame for this. i watched the lee hyori’s red carpet to their sampled track of love 119 (THEIR BEST SONG YET WHAT THE FUCK) which is none other than the infamous emergency room ost AND WHEN I TELL YOU IVE BEEN OBSESSED SINCE. and that obsession didn’t stop there, i decided to check more to his vocals compilation and i stumbled upon his predebut covers… WORSE: his sofa cover has been playing on my mind all day since i first heard of it, it’s unhealthy. i’m gonna k word myself 

aespa : none too. 

when did you first discover the group?

bts : 2014. boy in luv was a superior era. 

txt : 2019…. that guessing the morse code at the end of introduction films of every member's era? good old days

le sserafim : on their debut

enhypen : end month of september 2020! (funfact : enhypen was formed on my birthday) 

nct dream : on their debut (them hoverboard era)

riize : on their debut days

aespa : early year 2022 (embarassing as fuck)

have you ever been to one of their concerts?

bts : gurl, no. they did a tour for the red bullet on june 2015? THAT ONE TIME ONLY. what did you expect from me? to go? i was 13. 

txt : they don’t even know my country exists? so no. 

le sserafim : no. (hybe better put malaysia when they do tour one day or else im burning down the whole building as it should’ve)

enhypen : no. (they skipped us.) 

nct dream : they did a tour last year in may…… but miss girl decided to only stan them back in june and was obsessed and mentally ill for not attending. (ONLY BC I AM NOT A FAN) i was late to the party, im sorry and now they be skipping us. 

riize : no. 

aespa : ???????? NO

what are some of your favourite songs by this group? 

i’ll list 10 songs!

bts : butterfly / dimple / coffee / love is not over (full length version) / epilogue : young forever / pied piper / outro : do you think it makes sense? / the truth untold ft steve aoki / spring day / hold me tight 

txt : 20cm / dear sputnik / 0X1=lovesong (i know i love you) ft seori / maze in the mirror / ghosting / skipping stones / fairy of shampoo / blue orangeade / farewell, neverland / eternally 

le sserafim : impurities / easy / perfect night / no celestial / antifragile / smart / blue flame / swan song / good parts (when the quality is bad but i am) / sour grapes

enhypen : just a little bit / criminal love / mixed up / chaconne / not for sale / blockbuster ft yeonjun of tomorrow x together / shout out / blind / given-taken / bills

nct dream : dive into you / teddy bear / 7 days / boom / my youth / better than gold / dunk shot / arcade / poison / love again

riize : …. i’ll list from most to least fav (I LOVE ALL OF THEIR SONGS) love 119 / talk saxy / get a guitar / memories  

aespa : lucid dream / dreams come true / drama / thirsty / next level / life’s too short / don’t blink / i’m unhappy / illusion / better things 

tagging : @my313 (no pressure bestie!) / anyone who want

[celestie0]

Hi Ellie! 👋

I know I've been missing, but I wanted to send a message of support 👉👈

I think most people forget about how relevant/important fanfiction and online publishing sites are. They give people who don't have money or resources the opportunity to publish their stories and ideas with others.

But I think the environment of both fanfiction and anime fandom has become very "toxic" over the years. I remember that before there was greater harmony within these matters. A few years ago we prayed that the authors wouldn't abandon the stories and vanish.

Some anime fandoms have a bad reputation for inappropriate behavior, and it looks like the JJK fandom is going down the same path.

I fell sorry that you have to go through that and that some people felt entitled to "control" in your fanfics, when most of them are too lazy to write a story. that's also why I don't interact much in the jjk fandom

Speaking of smut, you might not want to write about it and your story would still be very good (and it is); but some people don't understand that the stories belong to the authors and it is up to them to develop the plot.

Another thing that bothers me is the demands of (some) people when it comes to publishing chapters. Artists/authors also have a personal life, family, work, other hobbies, etc. They don't live exclusively to write fanfics on tumblr. But these people like to make authors' lives hell and coerce them into writing.

As for Wattpad, this is nothing new under the sun. I used to use that app but I abandoned it years ago because of changes in the app itself and the people who used it (who I believe are mostly minors, some even pre-teens). There is a very immature and bad environment there.

Again, I'm sorry you had gone through that, and I apologize if I expressed myself poorly, as English is not my first language.

And I hope you recover well on your hiatus.

Bye~

hiii my lovely <3 hope you're doing well!!

you're so right!! i've been reading fics on n off since i was maybe in middle school, and back in my day (lol i sound like i'm geriatric), we used to just read and feel grateful and yes silently pray that our fave author doesn't just randomly dip out of nowhere haha. i think the entitlement a lot of authors have to deal w these days is crazy. tbh i'm reallyyy not one to expect ppl to interact w my works at all, i think i've said this before in that i choose to post, therefore people can choose to interact, and if they do, then i'm immensely grateful for it. but when people DO interact and it's just rude or disrespectful, i simply cannot condone that behavior.

it's honestly kind of counterintuitive, because the more people pressure me for chapters or certain scenes, the more i end up second guessing my writing, and the more it causes delays in updates. it's just such a bizarre thing to think authors will feel MOTIVATED by passive aggression and pressure.

thanks so much for your words my dear n for always supporting me so much :'') you're such an angel <3 omg no you explained everything so wonderful, n i feel so lucky to have you as a reader

[ggoatz]

Special Operations Original Art Concepts & Thumbnails!

Since it's been over a year since Special Operations was first ever uploaded, I thought I should celebrate and make a proper masterlist of everything I've compiled throughout the year. I will also go ahead and link the official designs down below!

Quick disclaimer: Special Operations is MY fanfic, but I obviously don't own the characters! As always, thank you to Spoon & double-thank you to the fanartists and for 1,000 hits on the fanfic!!! Thank you thank you!

This post will get pretty long, so I'm gonna go ahead and make a cut below if you're interested in seeing more/reading my rambles!

Here are the very first ever art I did about a year and a half ago, before I even started writing the fic:

God damn, has my art come far. I don't want to get too sentimental, so let's move on the redesigns of these designs & my thoughts on these:

This was Donnie's first ever concept design (after the original designs) - I always knew I wanted to have him have a gas mask or mask of some kind - his ultimate design really changed there at the end! It's really cool to see how far my art has come since this last year LOL.

-

This was Mikey's original design concept for this au, once I reworked the original one above. I wasn't really happy with it, or any of the designs, for that fact... I didn't really have anything directly in mind over than the fact that knowing his brothers were mad overprotective of him would mean he's covered in clothes. I wanted a mask for him as well and really took inspiration from his design from the show, and tried to include the aspects from that. below here is a few mask concepts I tried out, and a sneak peak of Raph's design/doodle I did.

Even though these other mask concepts were cute, I just couldn't resist going with the first and original design I had. I took the inspiration off of that for the stickers/paints on his shell from the show. Below is an additional drawing of Mikey! Not much changed in his final design other than the fact that he has no shoes, really.

-

Here's Leo's first ever intial design. I am glad Spoon convinced me to change it, because while it's cool, I don't think it really fits Leo's flashy and show style. He is a fighter who works beautifully with his skills, so while stealth was obviously the #1 thing to be considered on the list, I ultimately just kind of handed his design to Spoon to decide how he should look LOL. This was such a starch contrast to the first drafts...

-

I've always struggled at drawing Raph, so I don't really have any photos of him saved ): / to show off. Sorry Raph lovers, but Spoon did him JUSTICE and I will forever be grateful for them for that <3<3

Below are the final designs, done by Spoon through nearly a year of us talking about the designs!

Spoon does not have a Tumblr, but they do have a Twitter, which you can find here: @Hydratedturtle! Without them, these designs would have never been finished/completed. It was so beyond crazy to see the very first drafts by me and the finished concepts executed beautifully by Spoon and making my ideas coming to life.

Below are all of the thumbnails of Special Operations that I've done, and the improvement is obvious! These are done through the year of 2023!

Annnd, finally, here's a sketch I did of Donnie back in November/December with his more updated design!

And that's all for now!!! <3

[bellysoupset]

SOUP!!!!!!!

HI HI HI HI I CANT EXPLAIN HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOURE BACK!!! oh my goodness i was literally typing this when i saw that you asked where i’ve been💀 i’ve been reading fics as you post them (i don’t have notifs on but i check your blog for updates on a regular basis LMAO) but life shtuff has only now died down enough for me to actually write/comment on things!! gosh i’m so excited you’re back!! in the LEAST pressure-y way, it’s almost embarrassing how slowly days went by as i was waiting for you to start posting again LOL like at one point i was telling myself “okay she said 20 days, it’s probably been at least a week”. it had been literally 3 days 💀 HAHAHAHWH

ANYWAYS

AHHHHHH MY BABIES MY BABIES!!!!! i don’t remember what the last thing i talked about on here was but WOW these last fics have made me cry and laugh and blush sooo many different times!! wen finding out was CRAZY and i literally sobbed w her bc the way everything played out was so unfortunate but also so realistic and raw and i had so many mixed feelings about everything!!!! and then wen isolating and bella checking on her!! and wen trying to push her away and then admitting that she felt so lonely GOD THAT WAS DEVASTATING but then bella being so supportive and comforting AGHHHH my girlsss <3333

and then omg the fic after that one??? i was SO surprised that wen forgave vin? and that they’re trying long distance??? i’m so fucking excited and happy abt that but god i’m sure it’ll be hard 😭 but YAY I KNEW THEY LOVED EACH OTHER TOO MUCH TO GIVE UP LIKE THAT ♥️

side note, luke being so depressed and struggling so much to adapt to his meds is so sad but so realistic too :,) i’m glad you’re making this a part of the plot!! but my man is def off his meds already lol im interested to see where this goes!! and also i LOVE how well jon and leo are doing <3 despite everything going on, they’re in their happy era fr <3

and now i’m sorry but the sick vin fic?????????? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT WAS EVERYTHING I NEEDED AND MORE‼️ first off, leo talking to him and being so real but also like calling him out like that??? while still being super supportive??? and the way he described wen was so accurate and so him-coded??? and then AHHHHH i’ve ALWAYS loved vin and bell’s friendship, i’ve genuinely always thought it was super adorable and i wanted more of them, so this fic was gold 🤭 a trope that ALWAYS gets me is when someone is ANGRY at someone they love and ofc being bitchy and sassy until they realise said someone is very much Unwell (it’s especially good if they’re so sick that they’re really out of it), and when they realise how sick they are they IMMEDIATELY switch from mad to concerned + caretaker mode!!!! so yeah you can imagine this whole fic had me on my knees 🤭 obsessed w how protective of luke bell is, and how protective of vin wen is, but also how both girls just jumped straight into action when he was clearly not feeling good <333 and then vin realising wen was using her dr. voice, and then the pure ANGST at the end when he sobs and they just hug and the “god i’m gonna fucking miss you” SOB SOB SOB SOB 😭😭😭🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

bell sick and luke taking care of her was also AMAZINGGGG🫶🏽 i always love when my girls get whumped <3333 omg and AHHHH luke and vin finally talking abt shtuff🥹 the “nothing to forgive” 😭 luke knowing he’ll get sick AND holding him closer??? GOSH THE BROTP MAN !!!!!

and oh my goodness i just read the most recent fic with the new OC!!!! this is so exciting and cool and i love his vibes ahhhh <3 i love how nonchalant max seems abt shtuff and im so so excited to see where things go!! i hope vin and him become friends but also i feel like there’s gonna be some tension and weird banter going on between them at least at first hehehe

ANYWAYS

your writing is fucking incredible and whenever i see a new post from your blog it genuinely lights up my day <3 i am completely in love with all your characters and the depth and intricacies behind each of them ♥️ i’m so thankful your blog exists🫶🏽 also, i saw you were really struggling for a while and i just wanted to check in and see if you were doing better? you’re so loved and talented and appreciated and you deserve all the peace and love and happiness in the world!!! i hope things are going well/better!

i can’t wait to read more of what you write! i’m super excited about this new character and about reading more stories abt your lovely OCs <3

YOU’RE AMAZING THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING AND KEEP SLAYING!!!

🦦

Soup found DEAD from love cardiac arrest outside of Miami beach.

🦦!!!!! Honestly I don't even wanna post your comments, I just wanna stare at them for hours 🙈🙈

Don't worry about catching up on fics, they'll be here when life slows down!! I know very well how sad it is that we must Adult ™.

I am SO HAPPY you liked the Wendy/Vince developments!! In my head you're like THE Wendy/Vin supporter, so every time I write something with them I'm like "uhmmm wonder what 🦦 is gonna think??"

Caretaker who's pissed and then switches to comfort is also one of my favorite tropes, I looooove the spiciness of guilt thrown in!

Take care babe 💛💛