#also shocked that my aunt and uncle talked about me out of the blue when it feels like none of them ever spare me a thought when i’m in the

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

my mom just told me that my uncle told my aunt that my cousin wondered what happened between me and him because we used to be really close as kids and he thinks about it and it bothers him and i’m like “OMG THATS HOW I FEEL WTF” and i cant stop thinking about it but have no idea how to fix it because that would mean actually talking and i think it happened because we both are incredibly socially awkward

[callsign-dexter]

Daddy to the Rescue

Request: hi

i was wondering if you could please write about Kelly Severide (chicago fire) having a daughter and maybe while he was at the station she is left with a babysitter but then he has to respond to a call at his house. maybe the reader is stuck so she and kelly are freaking out but he knows he has to stay calm for his daughter and once everyone is safe it is just a bunch of fluff.

totally your choice and maybe the reader is like 5 - 6 ish

Pairings: Kelly Severide x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, hospitals, buried alive, inaccurate medical talk

Masterlist

A/N: I know you said fluff but if you know me and my fics you know I have to throw in some angst in there. Hope you don't mind.

When you came into Kelly’s life 6 years ago, he was shocked but it was to be expected especially with all the sleeping around he did. You had shown up on his doorstep in your car seat with a note pinned to the diaper bag. He didn't know what to do but when you opened your blue eyes, the ones you got from him, he knew that you were gonna stay and that was it. After first he was apprehensive about telling his team but he needed all the help he could get and the fears he thought he was gonna have of them bashing him and putting him down flew out the window. Afterall Firehouse 51 was a family and family looked out for one another. With him telling them about you means you just got a lot of really cool aunts and uncles and you are going to be really protected.

He was really pissed at your mother for just abandoning you but now you were with him safe and sound. You were the result of a drunken one-night stand, he didn’t even know you existed or that she was pregnant until you just showed up on his doorstep. He despised her and would have some words for her if he ever saw her and he hoped for her sake that he never saw her. 

You loved your dad dearly. When you had met him just when you were a few days old you grew close to him, then again, he was the only parent you had. You depended on him for everything and looked up to him for everything and you felt like you could come to him when something went wrong when you were growing up. You had changed his lifestyle for the good he had stopped drinking until he was blacked out and he stopped bringing random women home. He adored you and you adored him. Nothing could break that bond between you both. Everyone was shocked when they noticed how much his mood had brightened and he wasn’t such a hard ass. Kelly loved showing you off and when you found out his job, he just became your favorite person all over again. He was your hero. 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

It was a Thursday morning and his alarm started to go off at 7:30 AM signaling him to get up and start getting ready for the day and his shift. Normally he would be getting you up to but since your school had been called off due to the heating and sickness going around you would be staying home. He didn’t have to go into work until 10 AM so he would have a little bit of time with you. 

Kelly took a shower and then got dressed in his uniform and brushed his teeth, next he moved out of his room and down the hall to check in on you. He slowly opened the door and smiled seeing that you were still sound asleep and snoring just slightly. He smiled and shook his head. He went into the kitchen and started some breakfast and coffee and then went and switched over the laundry and started getting ready for his 24 hr shift. He needed to call Kimber Halstead to tell her that he would need her. When he found you on his doorstep, he immediately started to look for a babysitter and when Jay and Will, his good friends, heard about this and met you they immediately got him in touch with their younger sister, who he was also good friends with. You and Kimber hit off and the rest was history and she became your babysitter and she only babysat you. She was going to school so it was the perfect opportunity for some extra cash and you were pretty easy to keep. He pulled out his phone as he pulled down a coffee cup and grabbed the pot and poured some coffee in it. He went to her contact and clicked on it and then the call icon, it rang twice before she answered.

“Kelly! What do I owe the pleasure of this call?” Kimber asked 

“Hello, Kimber. I need you to watch Y/N/N. Her school is closed due to some sickness and the heat is out.” He said and took a sip of his coffee.

“I would love to.” She said “Do you want me to come over now?” She asked 

“Please. I’m gonna have breakfast ready so you can eat here.” He said and he could hear her smile.

“That sounds good. I’ll be over in 5.” She said

“Great. I’ll see you soon.” Kelly said 

“See ya, Kelly.” She said and they hung up the phone. 

He put his phone on the counter and then his coffee cup and headed to your room. He opened the door and saw that you had turned over in your sleep and he walked over and knelt down by your bed. He watched you for a minute and then he was stroking your head. You groaned and but your nose scrunched up, a sign you were waking up. “Y/N/N. Sweetheart. It’s time to get up. Kimber will be here soon.” He said and you groaned but blinked your eyes open and cracked them.

“Daddy?” You asked and he smiled.

“Good morning, Sweetheart.” He said and you smiled and then wrapped your arms around him and he picked you up. He started to walk to the kitchen.

“What about school?” You asked, still confused and you laid your head on his shoulder.

“School is closed due to a heating issue and sickness going around.” He said and you nodded and then he sat you down on a chair. “Kimber will be here soon and breakfast is almost ready.” He said and you nodded. Normally he would be having you getting ready for school but since there wasn’t any, he would let it pass and Kimber would be getting you ready for the day. He had just got done mixing the pancake batter when there was a knock at the door and he knew it was Kimber. “You wanna get that?” He asked you and you smiled, you rarely got to open the door but he knew who it was because it was about that time when she said she was going to be there and the Ring notification he got on his phone. You quickly jumped up and ran to the door “Be careful!” He yelled out and listened to you open the door and let out a screech.

“KIMBER!” You yelled out and he heard a laugh from her.

“Hey, Sweetie.” She said “Your daddy know you answered the door?” She asked and he could just see you nod.

“Yes, he let me!” You said excitedly and she chuckled.

“Well, as long as he said it was ok.” She said and she was walking into the kitchen holding you.

“Hi, Kelly.” She said with a smile and he looked up.

“Hi. Breakfast is almost ready.” He said as he flipped the bacon and the pancake. 

“Y/N/N, you wanna help me get cups and drinks ready?” She said and you nodded wildly and they both laughed. You love helping out when you can. She walked over and got the glasses and handed them to you and they watched you carefully take them over to the table. Kimber got the milk and orange juice out as Kelly took the last of the pancakes and the bacon off and walked them over to the table. Everyone sat down and served themselves. 

“What do you girls have planned today?” Kelly asked and Kimber answered since your mouth was full.

“If it is warm enough, we’ll go play in the backyard and then maybe go out for lunch. Then just play it by ear.” She said and you nodded excitedly. 

“That sounds fun.” He said 

“It is, Daddy!” You said and he smiled. Breakfast was finished quickly and dishes were put in the dishwasher and Kelly had disappeared to grab his duffle and walked out and just stood in the doorway watching you and Kimber have the time of your life in the living room. You were the first one to notice him “Daddy!” You yelled out and quickly ran up to him and jumped into his arms and hugged you tightly. Kimber walked over and then took you from his arms.

“It’s time for daddy to leave. You be good for Kimber and do what she says.” He said and you nodded.

“I promise, Daddy.” You said and he smiled and leaned over to kiss your head and then pulled away and looked at Kimber.

“Don’t hesitate to call if something happens or you need me. If you can’t get ahold of me, you can call Jay and he’ll know how to get ahold of me.” Kelly said and she nodded.

“Don’t worry. I’ll call you if something happens and I also have Will if something medical comes up but I will let you know.” She said and he smiled and nodded. 

“I know you will. I trust you.” He said and then looked back at you. “Daddy loves you.” He said to you and kissed your head again.

“I love you too, Daddy.” You said and he smiled and then grabbed his keys by the front door and was out the door and heading into work.

“Alright, Little One. What do you want to do first?” She asked, looking at you. 

“Blanket fort!” You said excitedly and she laughed.

“You got it!” She said back. She sat you down and the both of you set out to find the materials you needed.

20 minutes later and the fort was ready to be used. Your imagination ran wild and Kimber was all for it. Movies were watched and crafts were made in that fort. During the 5th movie you had fallen asleep snuggled up against Kimber and she pulled out her phone and read through some college stuff she needed to read and every now and then checked in on you. She figured she would let you sleep for an hour and then have you get up and get your teeth brushed and dressed then you would go out for lunch and a walk in the park maybe stop in and see your dad. Then you both would come home and play some in the backyard.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Kelly was exhausted since he had gotten to work. It was nonstop calls; he hadn't even had a break to sit down and check on you and Kimber. Everyone had just gotten back and quickly got the trucks and ambulance done and then they were going to try and have a moment of peace. While everyone was preoccupied, he stepped away and pulled out his phone. He had a few new messages from Kimber and they were pictures of you smiling and goofing around, he smiled and saved them on his phone. One particular one, you were playing with bubbles and she captured the image through the bubble and you were smiling and just being yourself, he set it as his background on his phone when he unlocked it.

He was about to call and ask how you two were doing when he heard a familiar voice “Sylvie!” You yelled out and he smiled.

“Hey, Y/N. Looking for your dad?” She asked 

“Uh huh.” You said and he walked out into the garage and when you spotted him you ran straight to him and jumped into his arms. “Daddy!” You shouted and he laughed and hugged you gently but tightly back. 

“Hey, Sweetheart. I'm surprised to see you.” He said and you just hugged him tighter and everyone smiled glad to see him happy but continued on with working so you could have some time with him.

“She really wanted to see her daddy and I told her we could. It was on the way home from lunch and the park.” Kimber said he smiled and nodded and then sat you down.

“Did you have fun?” He asked

“Yes! We saw a bunch of dogs at the park and most of them were friendly and I got to pet them.” You said with so much brightness in your eyes. He smiled loving that look.

“That sounds like fun. Did you ask permission first?” He asked and you nodded.

“Of course, Daddy.” You said and he smiled. You and Kimber stayed there for a few minutes until it was time to go home and start getting your school work done. “Bye, Daddy. I love you.” You said and he smiled. He hugged and kissed the side of your head.

“I love you too. Be safe.” He said and you nodded and then he and Kimber said their goodbyes and he watched you walk out of the station almost skipping and he could tell you were laughing and smiling and that made him smile. 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

You made it back home safely and Kimber let you dad know. She put her phone away and then turned to you “Ok, I want you to do your homework and then we can go outside and play.” She said in a serious tone and you nodded.

“Ok.” You said and then you went and got your backpack and started your work. While you were working, she was working on some of her college work, every now and then you would ask her for help and she helped you. You got what you needed done quickly and then you both were heading outside. Kimber had brought her school work outside so she could work and watch you at the same time. 

Every now and then you would come over and ask her to play and she did and then when you were done, she went back to work. Sometimes she would look up and smile at you having fun. “Y/N, come inside with me to get something to drink.” She said and you looked up from your position in the sand box and got up and headed inside with her. “Do you want a snack?” She asked and you nodded your head.

“Do we have any grapes and apples?” You asked and she smiled and nodded.

“Why yes, we do! I want you to drink something you’ve been running around a lot, don't want you dehydrated.” She said and you nodded and drank some water and ate something and then she brought the rest out with you both. You resumed your position back into the sandbox not seeing that it had sunken in. You were too busy playing to notice that you were starting to sink into the ground. You continued on playing and then you felt a huge drop and that freaked you out.

“Kimber.” You said scared and she looked up and her eyes bugged out.

“Hold on, Sweetie. I’m coming.” She said and hurried over as the chair tipped backwards. 

“I’m scared. I want daddy.” You said beginning to panic.

“It’s ok Y/N/N. We’re going to get you out.” She said and she motioned you to grab her hands and you did but when she began to pull you yelped out in pain and she stopped and you slipped in further and that made you panic and panicking only made you sink deeper. “Don’t panic. It’ll only make it worse. I’m gonna call 911. Ok?” She asked and you nodded your head.

“911 what’s your emergency?” The 911 operator asked.

“Hi, my name is Kimber Halstead and I’m babysitting Y/N Severide at 251 Spiral Lane and she is stuck in a sandbox.” Kimber said

“How old is Y/N?” They asked

“She’s 6. I tried to pull her out but she just sank further down. She then began panicking and sank further.” She said 

“It sounds like she is in a sinkhole. Keep her calm and don’t make her panic, it’ll just make her sink further.” They said

“Kimber, I can’t breathe.” You said 

“Did she just say she can’t breathe?” They asked

“Yes.” Kimber said

“Ok, keep her calm and I have dispatched the nearest first responders.” They said

“Thank you.” Kimber said and turned to look at you.

“Did you hear that? Daddy is coming to the rescue.” Kimber said, trying to keep you calm.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Kelly, Otis, Stella, Sylvie, Gabby, and Herrmann had all sat down to relax and watch some TV and grab something to eat when the bell went off and they groaned but then Kelly turned rigid.

“Engine 51, Truck 81, Rescue Squad 3, Ambulance 61.  6 year old female stuck in a sinkhole, having trouble breathing. Location 251 Spiral Lane.” 

Everyone looked over at Kelly and they instantly knew who it was and they were quick to grab their gear and get into their vehicles and rush over there. Kelly was silent as he got in “Kelly.” Joe began but Kelly wasn’t hearing him; he was worried about his child.

“She’s going to be ok. We’re 2 minutes out.” Capp said but that didn’t make him feel any better. 

True to Capp’s word they arrived at Kelly’s house and he was the first one out. Everyone quickly got their stuff and they followed him through the back gate knowing this path all too well. He left the gate wide open and when he saw you, he wanted to grab you and pull you out and hold you but he needed to stay calm for you. He was quick to come over and when you saw him you cried out to him. “Daddy!” You yelled out and you struggled to reach him but you sank further.

“No, Baby. It’s ok. I’m here.” He said and knelt down and took in his surroundings. He looked at Kimber “What happened?” He asked.

“She was perfectly fine playing in it earlier and then I had her come in and eat and drink something. Then we came back out and she resumed her playing and then she said my name and I looked up from doing some school work and she was sinking.” She said and he nodded, he wasn't mad.

“Daddy, I can’t breathe.” You said and he turned his attention back to you and then to Gabby who was bringing over oxygen. 

“Gabby is going to be something over your nose and mouth to help.” He said and you nodded and looked at Gabby and she smiled.

“Hi, Y/N/N.” She said 

“Hi.” You wheezed out. 

“I’m just gonna put this over your nose and mouth.” She said and you nodded and she did so and air rushed into you.

“Ok, Severide hold her up and watch her. Capp and Cruz start digging. Gabby and Sylvie monitor her vitals. Everyone else start helping out.” Boden said and everyone nodded and got to work. As they were working something happened and you started to slip in further.

“Daddy?” You wheezed out and he soothed you.

“It’s ok, Sweetheart. You’ll be out soon.” He said and you nodded but you started to become light headed.

“I don’t feel good.” You said and then about that time your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you passed out. 

“Woah. Ok. Can we go faster?” Sylvie asked and everyone started working faster. 16 minutes later they got you out and onto the stretcher and quickly loaded into the Ambulance as Kelly and Kimber followed. 

“Kelly, I’m so sorry.” Kimber said and he shook his head.

“No need to apologize. Accidents happen.” He said and she nodded, still feeling guilty. 

“I’m going to meet you up there.” She said and he nodded and then got into the back of the ambulance and nobody argued because you were his kid. They were quick to get going to Med. Kelly heard Sylvie and Gabby talking but he tuned them out and wasn’t listening to him too concerned about you. 

They made it to Med in no time and they were quick to get you out and into the ER. Will was the one that was going to be taking care of you. “How long has she been out?” He asked.

“Around 20 minutes now.” Kelly answered and he nodded and helped transfer you to a bed. Will started trying to arouse you but nothing was working. He took a listen to you and heard some crackling in your lungs and grew concerned.

“I want to admit it. Get her some x-rays and get a line started on her.” Will said and Kelly nodded and that is what they did. With you being unconscious and that concerned everyone. X-rays were taken and it turned out that you had broken some ribs from being stuck in the sand and that caused enough pressure to crack some ribs. When they moved you into the room Will looked over at Kelly “I want to monitor until she wakes up and if she does let me know.” He said an IV line had already been started. Will left the room and that just left Kelly alone with you. He sat there looking at you and then he looked down at his phone and saw his lock screen, it was you and him, he was holding you and you had been looking back over his shoulder smiling at the camera when you were 4 and Stella had taken the picture, she smiled at it. He texted everyone an update and they had come in and saw him but they needed back to work. Kimber came and stayed the longest but Kelly sent her home and promised her an update and because she was so shaken up that she needed rest. Will was in and out checking on you but nothing had changed. 

It was beginning into the night and he had drifted off to sleep still in uniform. He may have been asleep for about 20 minutes until he heard rustling around and he slowly woke to find you awake and groaning in pain. “Daddy?” You asked groggily and he was quick to get up.

“Sweetheart.” He said and leaned over you “I’m gonna get Will. Ok?” He asked and you nodded and he did just that and Will had come in. 

“Hey there, Mini Kelly.” He said and that made everyone smile. Usually, Will was the only one to call you that. “How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Hurts to breathe.” You said and he nodded.

“That’s understandable. You broke some ribs.” He said and you nodded and then turned to address you and your father “I want to keep her overnight just for observation since she was unconscious.” He said and Kelly nodded. You tuned them out since they were using words you didn’t understand and then Will was smiling at you “I’ll see you later on.” He said and you smiled at him.

“Bye, Uncle Will.” You said and he chuckled and left. “Daddy?” You asked and he looked at you.

“Hmmm?” He asked

“Do we have to get rid of the sandbox?” You asked and he smiled sadly.

“Yea we do, Sweetheart.” He said and you nodded.

“Ok. Love you.” You said and he smiled and then you yawned.

“I love you too. Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He said as he leaned over and kissed your forehead and you fell back to sleep. He stayed up for the rest of the night and updated everyone. He vowed to himself that the next day he had off he was going to take out that sandbox and fill that hole. He was going to protect you no matter what. Afterall you were his daughter, his life, and his pride of joy. 

You were just glad that your daddy came to your rescue.

Tag list:

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

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@docockschest

[britishassistant]

An Act Of Infinite Optimism

Trucy notices it first.

Of course she does. Polly, for all he’s quick on the uptake, can still be kinda oblivious at times!

Honestly, she wouldn’t know what he’d do without her help in court, he’d be—! Well, not hopeless, but certainly more sweaty than he already is!

Trucy’s been a magician for years, and helping Daddy win poker games for even longer. She’s had far more time to practice at perceiving than Polly has, so she can’t really fault him, can she?

The point is, Trucy perceives a lot about the world around her. Little things, hidden things, things that other people don’t notice.

She’s like, the best at that. Even better than Polly (though he is catching up.)

But when he’s pulling apart Lamiroir’s testimony on the stand and shocking the singer so much that her veil flies up when she rears back in surprise, Trucy can’t help thinking as she watches, “Huh, doesn’t Lamiroir’s jaw look a lot like Polly’s?”

And of course, once she’s thought that, she kind of can’t stop?

It’s not just the jaw that resembles Polly. They both have the same long-fingered hands, the same pale brown hair, the same slight stature, heck, even the same Chords of Steel when Lamiroir calls out Daryan Crescend!

Sure, Polly has a darker complexion and brown eyes instead of blue, but Trucy’s doing biology in school! Maybe she can’t remember what the square with all the rabbits is called, but she knows brown eyes are more likely to show up even in the kids of blue eyed people.

Still, she tells herself, she can’t just jump to conclusions like this! She learned that lesson at Ashley’s pool party not long after she became a Wright. She doesn’t know Polly’s family situation, doesn’t know if he has relatives in Borginia that Lamiroir might secretly be part of. For all she knows, Lamiroir’s a distant aunt or something! A distant aunt who, for some inexplicable reason, looks scarily a whole lot like Polly.

Yeah.

Which is why, when they get back to the Agency after the trial, Trucy subtly segues from talking about Daddy’s secret mission to, “What about you Polly? Were your parents away on business a lot when you were a kid?”

Polly stops.

Only for a moment, not long enough that anyone who isn’t Trucy would notice. To anyone else, he’s moving stuff into neat piles on the sofa.

But Trucy watches as his hand creeps towards his other wrist between stacking, fidgeting with the gold bangle there.

“Ah, that’s kinda complicated?” He attempts to evade. “And it’s not all that interesting, so.”

“C’mon, Polly!” She presses. “You’re one of the Wrights now, so we gotta know! It’d be super rude if we invited you to Thanksgiving, but there’s a whole family of Pollys we left out on accident! I gotta know how many places we need at the table! We might even need to buy more chairs!”

One of the Wright Anything Agency, she means.

She’s not sure why it came out like it did.

But Polly’s eyes are shining slightly, and he actually stops fidgeting for a moment to swipe a shirt sleeve across them. Maybe he got dust in them?

“No, I, ah.” He lets out a laugh that sounds more sad than anything. “I don’t really have anyone else? I mean, I only came to the States when I was eight, and I was fostered before that, and, and after too, but—! There’s not really any, no bio and my fosters were never really—! It’s just me, I mean. If, if I do have an invite.”

!!!

Uncle Valant then bursts in, so Trucy kinda has to put a pin in this to deal with a blast from her own past, but!!

Polly was fostered. Polly only came to the States when he was eight.

Polly doesn’t know who his bio mom is!!

It’s practically guaranteed, so sure a bet that she’d be willing to go all in on it, but she needs to be certain. 99% isn’t 100, but she can’t provide that last 1% herself.

She needs someone else to see it. A witness.

Her first instinct is Daddy, but Daddy is so busy with his secret mission he barely stops by long enough to press a kiss to Trucy’s forehead before he’s gone again. Also, he’s never seen Lamioir before, so he can’t really speak decisively on the matter.

Uncle Valant is also an option, but. But even if he knows Lamiroir, he doesn’t know Polly. He can’t give unbiased testimony based on one conversation, even if he is a magician.

Someone who’s observed Polly and Lamiroir for long enough apart to make a solid judgement comparing them together…

She could kiss Polly when he takes them to Prosecutor Gavin’s office to eavesdrop.

She lets the boys have their fun as they poke around, but makes an announcement in the hall when Polly decides it’s time to leave.

“I need to use the bathroom! It’s that time of month, you know!” Is enough to leave Polly red-faced and spluttering as she flounces around the corner, then takes two lefts and a right that lead her right back to Prosecutor Gavin’s office.

Thank heavens for Uncle Miles and field trips to visit him with Daddy before he left again for Europe.

“Fraulein Magician?” Prosecutor Gavin looks amused as she slips inside the door. “I believe the ladies’ room is back—“

“Shh!” She whisper-scolds. “I need to talk to you about something important! And secret!”

“An important secret?” To his credit, the prosecutor does grow a bit more serious at that. “Well, danke for your trust, Fraulein. Consider me all ears.”

Trucy takes a deep breath.

“I think Lamiroir might secretly be Polly’s bio mom.”

Prosecutor Gavin stares at her for a few moments. The corners of his eyes twitch, and his lips press together.

The amusement is back in full force, barely held back by Prosecutor Gavin’s wavering self-control.

“Before you laugh or say it’s impossible or whatever!” Trucy draws herself up, does her best imitation of Uncle Miles’ scary stare. “Think about Polly and Lamiroir, for a second. Everything you know about them. Isn’t it weird how similar they are, especially if they aren’t related somehow?”

The amusement is fading slightly from Prosecutor Gavin’s face as he considers it. “Yes, but Fraulein, Herr Forehead is American. How exactly could Lamiroir, a native of Borginia, have a son in this country when it’s her first time here? One she has completely failed to acknowledge every time they’ve spoken, no less.”

Trucy smirks.

“Polly wasn’t born in America. He told me he came to the states when he was little, that he’s been fostered ever since. Plus, hasn’t Lamiroir said over and over she can’t remember any of her past beyond performing with Matchi? Well, what if part of that not remembering is not remembering that she’s not Borginian? Or that she already had a son and had to give him up?”

Prosecutor Gavin doesn’t do what she’d like him to do, which is collapse into his plush desk chair crying, “Mein Gott, you’re right! How could you be so intelligent and beautiful, Fraulein Trucy Wright?!”

But she sees her words hit the mark. The indulgent amusement is all gone, a deep and pensive frown on his face as he messes with his bangs.

“It is an astute observation, Fraulein Magician.” He finally says. “But, as I’ve told Herr Forehead countless times, theories do not a case make. Nein, what we need is evidence.”

Trucy can hear Polly calling for her, voice leaning into concerned, but one word makes her pause as she goes to slip out of Prosecutor Gavin’s office.

“We?”

“Ja, Fraulein Magician.” Klavier Gavin’s eyes glitter with a mischievous determination reflected on Trucy’s own face. “We.”

[julessworldd]

Red revenge Robb Stark fic

A/N: Basically i saw this Robb edit on tik tok and thought of about it for a fic. Basically the red wedding happens but everyone doesn’t realize Robb made it alive. So my fic is about that but also @valeskafics thoughts.. Bel said what if his wife was kidnapped by the the Lannisters and was forced to marry Joffrey. I made Y/n a Tyrell, Margery’s twin and youngest child of Mace Tyrell.

Warning: violence(Its a got fic so obviously there’s some blood shed lol), angst, marriage, child, pregnancy mention. Smut implied at the end. Bedding ceremony is mentioned(idk if that’s a trigger ) Jaime don’t gets his character arc yet, very much s1 Jaime, but set in s3. Love Jaime but it’s for plot, sorry Jeyne I stole your man for a plot 😘 okay enjoy babes 💚

Y/n Tyrell, twin of Margarey Tyrell, the prettiest rose. Margarey was beautiful with her bright blue eyes, perfect skin, red hair for days. The biggest smile that would make the strongest knight break down. Then there was Y/n, she was beautiful like her twin but she didn’t feel like that. Everyone forgot about her or at least she thought. Hiding in Marg’s shadow since day 1 she’s got used to be Margarey’s twin and the youngest Tyrell.

Mace Tyrell was in the north when the war broke out as Robb Stark brought his banner men down south. Y/n and Mace got separated but Robb found her. He swore he would get Y/n back to Highgarden to safety.

As the months passed, the two fell in love and Robb found a septon that ironically married his Aunt Lynna to Prince Rhaegar. They were married in secret much to Lady Cat’s disappointment. It was stupid to marry for love in this world but they didn’t care. Robb loved Y/n and wanted to protect her forever. Y/n loved Robb more than what she thought she could love anyone. More than her twin in Highgarden. Soon the Starks and their men went to a Frey wedding as Robb’s uncle is supposed to marry Freys daughter.

The wedding had ended as the couple were giggling and feeding each other as others danced. Robb and Y/n were watching the new couple as they talked.

“If you actually kept your oath, you would be eating out of her hand” Y/n smirked

“Perhaps I made a terrible mistake” Robb deadpanned.

Y/n gasped as she attempted to hit Robb’s shoulder but he grabbed her wrist gently pulling her close to him, “Hitting your king is an act of treason”

Y/n’s face soften as she giggled, “I’m sorry my love” Robb let her wrist go as he kissed her hand, “Good don’t do it again”

Walder commanded the bedding ceremony was to begin.. lords grabbed Rosylin and lady’s giggled as they attempted to take off Eddume’s jacket. Y/n watched as the group left, “I’m sure the gods would live if we didn’t have that”

“It’s tradition, Y/n/n” Robb replied

“Doesn’t make it right” Y/n said as the door shut and a Lannister battle song started. Y/n and Catelyn made eye contact as a Frey guard flipped tables and shot some Stark bannermen. It finally hit Robb what happened, he attempted to grab Y/n but a Frey man grabbed her and dragged her towards to door as she screamed and kicked.

Y/n was held by her arms as she watched Robb got shot by two arrows knocking him down. Walder said something but Y/n was in shock as she watched her love get shot and her mother in law screamed at him to get up.

“Get up Robb! Get up and walk out, take me as your hostage. He’s my son! My first boy!” Catelyn screamed.

Walder sat there as a Frey guard stabbed Robb in his ribs, “The Lannisters send their regards” Robb looked at Y/n as he fell to the ground. Blood poured out as she screamed. Catelyn screamed and cut Walder’s daughter’s throat. Someone knocked Y/n out and dragged her to Jaime Lannister’s horse waiting outside. Hours later Y/n woke up tried to scream but was gagged and had her hands and legs tied.

“Oh the wolf’s bitch is awake” Jaime chuckled.

Soon enough Y/n was in the Red Keep as Jaime had her over his shoulder as he carried to his father’s chambers

“Father, here’s your grandson’s bride” Jaime sat her on her feet.

“What?!” Y/n said but, Jaime still had her gagged.

Y/n was set to marry King Joffrey, her grandmother made an alliance with House Lannister. She never hated anyone until now. She hated her grandmother, her father, anyone else that influenced this marriage. She hated Walder Frey and his men. She watched her love die in front of her and her mother in law had to be dead as well.

Margarey walked in Y/n’s chambers with a big smile, “Sister, I’m so glad to see you”

“I can’t marry Joffrey, he’s a monster! He had Robb killed in front of me! You’re just like everyone else, can’t believe father is allowing this” Y/n yelled

“Y/n, Robb broke his oath. It’s horrible yes but we can’t forget that” Margarey said

“Shut up! We were married and loved each other, he was my world! And you let him get killed! He was good damn it!” Y/n yelled as her older brother walked in

“What’s all the yelling about?” Loras asked

“Why do you care? Mhm! Robb was the love of my life and he was murdered! I hate this fucking family and fuck the king!” Y/n spat, throwing a vase. Y/n was known for her quick temper and thin patience. She had enough of everything and everyone. She wanted Robb but he was dead.

A few weeks later Ceseri dragged Y/n into a council meeting.. The king, the hand Tywin Lannister, Lord Varys, Lord Balish sat and Lord Tyrion was there.

Cersei pushed Y/n down on the ground, Tyrion jumped down for his seat and held a hand out to Y/n, “Lady Y/n” Y/n looked at Tyrion and took his hand, “Thank you, my lord”

“Maester Pyell, give my uncle the letter” Joffery said

Tyrion got the letter and read it out loud “What’s this? Bad poetry?”

Joffery chuckled dark, “Robb Stark is dead and his bitch mother!”

The door opened as Robb walked in with his sword out, he seen Y/n and grabbed her into his side, “Oh is he?” Robb said in a deep voice.

Everyone was silent, jaws opened in shock and fear, Cersei stood in front of Joffery like a mother lion to her cub. Tywin grabbed his sword and walked towards Robb.

“Theon, get Y/n out” Robb gently pushed Y/n backwards as he stood his ground.

Theon threw Y/n over his shoulder, “Come on” Y/n kicked and punched him as he carried her out.. “No! I won’t let him die again!”

“Jorey, take Queen Y/n to the gates. I’ll get Lady Sansa before Robb is done” Theon said as Jorey grabbed Y/n in his arms.

Robb came out of the Keep with something in his grasp, he had a smirk on his face. A dark one at that. He got closer and threw the heads at his men. Y/n and Sansa looked, it was King Jofferys, Tywin, Ceresi’s.

Y/n jumped in his arms, “How are you alive? I watched you die” Y/n cried on his shoulder.

“Shhh! It’s okay I’ll explain later. Are you hurt? Did he touch you?” Robb hugged me tight

“No I’m not hurt. What about my family?” Y/n asked.

“They’re packing for Highgarden. You can go with them if you want. It’s home for you” Robb snuzzled in her hair

“No, I want you. I’m not losing you again i swear it, my love” Y/n said

“Let’s go home then my Queen” Robb sat her down as he went to hug Sansa.

A few years later, Robb made it back to Winterfell and was still King in the north. The north was an independent kingdom, Robb wasn’t going to bend the knee to anyone as long as he was breathing. Y/n got pregnant not too long after arriving in Winterfell. Wasn’t a shock as the pair were locked in their chambers for a week with each other. 9 moons later, Y/n gave birth to a curly haired auburn boy. Cregan II Stark, a remake of his father but his mothers smile. The perfect heir, perfect little son, a product of a loving marriage. Y/n was actually pregnant again, she wants it to be a girl this time, her mini me. They were happy as a family and that’s all that mattered to them.

[tadpal]

🥀🌿✨

hello isabell!! have i told u that i love your pfp i love to see it it makes me giggle

🥀 what keeps you motivated/helps boost your mood when you’re feeling off?

motivation is a huge weakness for me! if i knew how to boost it i wouldnt be on this app but i have a laundry list miles long about mood boosting and emotional maintenance! ive been in and out of care for bpd and autism for the better part of 8 years now and while i can't rate the professional help (nhs mh 😬) i CAN say that i am currently doing super well in terms of stability. i think for me it's less about Feeling Better and more about breaking the bad you know? temperature shocks are a big thing for me, especially with my heavy emotional weights for temp, so it's a lot of uncomfortable showers, cooling towels on neck, cool water on feet and face, cat baths, hot water bottles, ice creams, going outside. just anything with that like Temperature Shock is going to help. for overwhelming most often going sudden cold (safely) is what works best for me!! resets!

🌿 do you like having plants in your home/yard? do you have any currently?

LOVE THEM!!! when i was living at uni i had 7-9 various houseplants in my room and others scattered in the kitchen halls and bathroom but these days most of them have been claimed by my mom! i have three in my room now! a large succulent a sort of grass and something tall with dark greens and waxy leaves... by those descriptions you can tell im terrible at remembering plant types but im surprisingly not terrible at keeping them alive. idk it mostly just works out

✨ what scents do you have strong memories/associations with?

the nice ones are like orange blossom (aunts perfume who passed, grandmother figure to me, scent never lasted bc of her work so you could only ever smell it if you hugged real tight, calloused hands, bristly hair, miss her ), ocean spray (lived by a beach, leaving the commune for outings, big bright blue, one day we'll get out of here, people on the outside are kind - the systemite kids are kind - i will be able to have friends on the outside, calm, loneliness, laughter), honeysuckle (represents childhood hunger and gentleness and peace and danger, the importance of ritual), lemon blossom (tree by the pool in one of the worst communes we lived in, best lemons ive ever tasted, my aunt maria taught me how to make soap), apple cider vinegar (self sufficiency - making meals for myself too young, fresh vegetables from the local farms, abuelas tomato salads, full stomachs)

but there's also more unpleasant ones just in terms of the scent itself: septic tank in the height of summer (danger, childhood recklessness, the feeling of being trapped, the buzz of the wasps,) the thing that died in the pool over winter (we didn't find it until we cleaned the pool in summer, it smelt mostly of chlorine, we don't know what animal it had been, it's bones were greyer than id expected, my mom cried for a week) and it's dry and the car is leaking (it's the middle of a drought and the old car is leaking, thick black oil onto the drive. there have been three bush fires this week and every time you haul your childhood possessions onto the year and watch the smoke. the smoke clings and clutches and you think about the oil. no one else can smell it but you. it's worse when the fires start when you're already out and you think about all the things that you left inside the home.) the smell of the old car in summer (and then you're inside the car, waiting at the gas station and all around you is the smell of smoke and gasoline and seaweed and leaking. the seat is somehow sticky and sandy all at once. your uncle is talking about leaving forever again.)

i am very much an associator tho you could say anything and id go Oh That Reminds Me. guy who is reminded

[rosenight143]

It has been 4 years since they got peace in Ninjago city and all the realms.

Sadly, master Wu and Misako passed away from old age leaving Lloyd alone at only 17 but Cole and Zane stood up and took Lloyd in and adopted him.

Lloyd was great-full for them and to be honest he always thought has the two as parents, mainly Zane as the mom and Cole as the dad.

All three of them still live in the monastery, but jay and Nya moved out to have their own place, and pixel moved in with Skylar.

Lloyd hasn't gotten to the point to feel comfortable about calling Zane and Cole by parent titles or jay and Nya as aunt and uncle, he has known the team for years so this change in their relationships has a little hard to get used to.

Until one day someone broke into the monastery and took all three, they did the same with braking into Jay's and Nya's place then takes them to an underground cell with Vanstone everywhere.

Lloyd was taken to a different room though they started to hurt him badly and asking questions about the team and all that.

Once done with him they took him to the others and threw him in there.

"Lloyd!" Both Zane and Cole ran to Lloyd to make sure he was ok as the guy laughed "what did you do to him!" Nya yells as her hands become fists.

"Questioned him and hurt him when he didn't answer" the guy said with a stupid grin on his face.

Zane stood up then goes to the bars and puts his hands on them the guy looks at laughs "you can try to freeze them all you want but it wo-" he started but stop when he saw the bars being crushed under the master of ices hands "you don't have to worry about my powers" Zane said then full on rips the bars from where they were.

The guy backs up with wide eyes and once Zane steps out of the cell and no longer in the Vanstone the whole room besides the cell is incase with ice and Zanes eyes turn into an Icey blue then his sky-blue color he always has.

The others were in shock of what is going now since Zane is never like this "hey, hey let's talk about this we don't have to go all ice headed here!" The guy yells but Zane doesn't listen he goes to the guy at full speed and grabs him by the neck and slams him into the floor hard.

"Why would I care about what you have to say bastard" Zane said and the others freeze from his tone of voice "you kidnapped me, and my family then hurt Lloyd who has gone through too much for a 17-year-old to go through!" Zane yells then starts to freeze the guy, but Lloyd gets up and runs over not caring about the pain.

Lloyd tries to pull Zane off the guy "Zane stop please it isn't worth it!" Lloyd yells and Cole runs over but stops when ice spikes around Zane and Lloyd.

Lloyd looks at them then Zane them barriers his face in Zanes back "m-mom please stop" Lloyd says and he feels Zane Tense up and the ice stops moving.

Lloyd moves his arms from his hold on Zanes shoulders to his waist and keeps his face nuzzled in Zanes back.

Zane looks down at the guy then looks over his shoulder to look at Lloyd making up his mind he lets the guy go then turns around to hug Lloyd close to him.

Lloyd starts to tear up and Cole was able to get to them and get the guy away from them then hugs his boyfriend and adopted son.

"Lloyd did you really call me mom?" Zane finally ask and looks at Lloyd who was now nuzzling In Zanes chest "yeah because I think of you as a mom I hope you're ok with that" Lloyd says A little scared Zane will be mad he called him mom but instead Zane kiss his head then smiles at him "it is fine sweetheart you can call me what you want if it makes you happy" Zane says "also sorry if I might have scared you guys" Zane looks at the jay and Nya who was coming over.

"Zane that was so cool I didn't know you get that mad" Jay Says and helps the three up "me as well" Zane rubs the back of his neck.

Once the cops came and took whoever was involved to jail, they all went back to their homes and Lloyd started to call Zane's mom and Cole's dad all the time now even in public, yes, they get wired looks thrown at them up they don't care they and that is all that matters.

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, AUGUST 30, 1994 Boy, I can’t believe how many entries start off with “I’m in a great mood” since I’ve been here, but it’s true. One of the reasons I’m in a great mood now is cuz I got my period. The other’s cuz I’m only on Phase 2, but yet it’s a miracle already. I’m nowhere near as tight or as wheezy as I am in the mornings or at the end of my day.

Yesterday I rearranged all the photo albums. It took a few hours, but it was fun and well worth it.

Yesterday my back sure was killing me, my boobs were killing me and I had a ton of water retaining in me.

Yesterday I got an 11-page letter from Bob, but none from my mom yet.

Last night I checked Andy’s VM, he had 57 messages. I was asleep when he came in to get his tapes, so I know he made it in OK last night. I haven’t talked to him yet, though.

Still no calls from Fran. Great, huh? I don’t know if it’s cuz he’s lost his phone, or what, but I certainly don’t miss putting up with him.

Tom’s working on installing new stuff on the computer and he’s having fun with it. Later we’ll do the thank-you cards and work on the new cooler.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 28, 1994 Boy, have I got my work cut out for me! I still haven’t gotten my mom’s letter yet, but I began a letter to my parents a little while ago.

Tomorrow I’ll have been here one whole year!!!!

Andy’s got 47 messages on his VM and he’s going to have more later.

Tom downloaded some new fonts from America online before he went to work. He told me to go through them and write down the ones I didn’t like. There were only two I didn’t really like that were samples and some of them looked the same but had different names. I really like Old English and St. Frances.

Tom’s going to show me how to make word search puzzles soon. Supposedly it’s really easy. All you do is size it, tell it what words you want to seek out, and it’ll scramble it into a word search puzzle.

The C drive crashed, so Tom had to transfer what was on there to another drive. This is why I’m glad my journals are on the B drive, as the stuff is not stored on a main drive. It goes on a floppy disk.

Shall I do another book of letters? I’m thinking about it and if I do, I’ll use 79. Got a letter from Kim yesterday, thanking me for all those Bob letters. She said she read them all in just two sittings. Wow. I thought it’d take her 20 sittings.

Tom got a book on how to make your own books, pamphlets, boxes, etc.

Yesterday he worked a lot on the cooler, making major progress with it, and I helped.

Yesterday we also went out and I got two bras. Haven’t got new underwear yet.

I got a triad optical illusion book to color. It’s a lot like the one Kim gave me in Deerfield that I’ve been looking all over for.

Also got 3 new really nice journals. Now I have a total of 81!

Sex with Tom and I have been so much better. In fact, we broke another record. He came this morning! I’m sure he’d never lie about it, but it was a mild one where nothing really came out. He said it felt really good like he was cumming, then it instantly got soft. Women sometimes have very light orgasms, so it’s possible for a guy too, I’d guess.

I wrote up the messages for the thank-you cards for Margaret, Geneva, Char and Jim and Goldie and Al.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 26, 1994 Got another shocker in the mail today. A wedding card and check for $50 from Goldie and Al. It makes me wonder who else will shock me.

It’s kind of sad to know, though, that if we had a kid, no one from my side would send even a card. Oh well, as long as Tom and I are happy. That’s what really matters. Tom said that if we did have a kid, I’d have nothing to worry about. Yeah maybe, cuz Tom’s right about most things and my parents have been known to shock me in the past. They’ve surprised me over the last few years.

As of yet, I don’t expect to hear from any aunts, uncles or cousins, but that’s their choice.

Our new color-splash address labels came. They’re really nice and there are 5 different colors - pink, blue, green, peach and yellow. I put some in journals.

Later…

Tom got up at 5:30 and we made pork chops and French fries. Then he ate me out and worked on the computer before showering and going to work.

I lay out for nearly an hour and I did get a little color. It’s pretty hot out there, but the strangest thing about it was, was that I didn’t see one bee. Fine with me, though.

I just checked and Andy’s got 35 new messages and 4 saved ones. A co-worker of his has also left several messages. I never really knew just how many minutes you could use up on VM, but I know it’s a hell of a lot more than on a regular answering machine.

I really hope to get my mother’s letter today, but in the meantime, I sent Kim and Bob’s. Weekends are when I’m the busiest, so I may mail their letters every Friday, instead of every Monday. When I’d send them on Mondays, they’d usually get them on Thursdays. If I sent it on a Friday, they’ll probably get it on Tuesday. Tom says maybe even Monday. It’s weird how it only takes 2 days for me to get mail from MA or CT, but if I send mail there, it usually takes 4 days. It’s 4 days back and forth to FL seemingly, too.

I did some singing a little while ago. It started off a little strained, then not too bad at all.

It’s been really quiet around here lately. I love it. May God please keep it that way!

Well, I’ve really been into word search puzzles lately, so I think I’ll go do that and I’ll write more later.

Later…

Bummer! No letter from my mom. I got all junk mail today.

Tammy got her figurine in one piece. Thank God. I hope my parents are as lucky and get theirs in one piece, too.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 25, 1994 Last Tuesday Tom trimmed my hair! Yup, he sure did, believe it or not, and he did a great job. He trimmed off about an inch. Now I can really be on my way to healthy hair by having him trim it regularly. No more worrying about some hairdresser suddenly going scissor-happy and taking off a foot or more.

Yesterday I called and told Ma all about CD ROM which we finally got, but I’ll get to that later. She asked if we’d gotten anything for our wedding from anyone she knows. She also commented on the thank you card that we sent them saying that that’d be nice to send to anyone that sends us anything.

At first I thought that it was kind of strange of her to bring that up since the wedding was almost 3 months ago. Then, the mail came and then I knew why she was bringing it up. Can you believe we got a card and check for $50 from Charlotte and Jim R?! This sure caught me off guard and came as a huge surprise, but at the time, it’s a bummer to know no one would send us shit if we were expecting a kid. Ma’s bad-mouthed the shit out of me to so many people for so long, that in their eyes, I could never be fit to be mother material.

I typed them a quick letter on all that’s been going on since I came here and when Tom gets up I’ll see if he can print out a thank you card with our wedding pictures on it. I don’t want to wait on this, though, so if I have to, I’ll just send the letter.

He’s been so busy. He hasn’t yet done up thank you cards for his mom’s two sisters, the 3-D postcards for Dave and Evie, Lisa’s letter, or my letter.

Anyway, Tom got up at 5 AM yesterday to show me CD ROM. It’s amazing! I mean, it is just so cool and it’s a tangible thing that shows me that my dream may still be achievable after all. It’ll take time and work, but it’s like having a quality home recording studio. It has a karaoke thing in it and you can record on different tracks just like they do in studios and on and on. It does lots of different things. We can’t make CDs yet cuz what we’d need to do it with costs a couple of grand. However, the prices will come down, but for now, we can go through the steps that come before the actual making of a CD.

I never thought in my wildest dreams that I could share my dream with the one I love, while we combine both our goals and dreams. While he’s promoting my singing, he can promote his programming and other things he does. I picked out some music to start with and he’s putting it into the computer without having to play it. Then somehow I’ll sing to the music and he’ll mix and arrange it to however it sounds best.

Yesterday for the first time in what seems and feels like ages, we had great sex. And I mean, great sex. We always say we’ll keep up on it regularly, but never do cuz of life’s unexpected happenings, but I hope that’ll change. I sure got my cake and ate it too, as he went down there and ate me out, as well as went in there. There was no pain or pressure at all. Especially when we do it on the living room couch. That’s a lot easier than the bed.

Ma said she mailed the letter she wrote to me, so I hope I get that today. I wonder what she has to say. I guess the usual everyday stuff.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 23, 1994 I sure thought I was going to puke a while ago! My heart was booming too, but after laying down I felt better.

Again I didn’t sleep too long. Maybe 5 for hours. I figure, though, my body wouldn’t have woken up if it were that tired. The bad thing about it is, is that it shoots my whole day with Tom. I’ve been up since 8 PM.

Yesterday when I woke up, I had gone the longest I’d ever gone without my meds. I was 6 hours overdue on it. I woke up very wheezy and was scared, even though I knew I wasn’t in any real trouble. I thought it would take a couple of hours, though, to get it under control, so I asked Tom to please leave as I didn’t want him to have to deal with it too. He said he’d rather stay to take care of me, closed his eyes, put his hands on my chest and it stopped. It just suddenly stopped. It was amazing.

Later…

Yuck! Gross! I threw up a little while ago. Luckily it wasn’t that bad. Tom heard me and came out nauseous, too. He didn’t throw up, though, which was nice. His is due to too much acid in his stomach and we think I fried the wrong foods. I fried fish sticks from a TV dinner and he suggested that it could be processed differently and not for fryers. Plus, there were no frying instructions on the box for frying.

Hang on while I go brush my teeth.

Later…

OK, that’s much better. Tom went back to bed. I feel much better and I can breathe OK and I’m not too tired.

Tom said not to worry about us losing time together cuz it’ll all work out. Well, his encouragement does help.

I think I’ve been going about the Phase-Out wrong. I’m supposed to draw on the cigarette before the holes and not cover them up with my lips. This way the hot air inside the cig mixes with the cooler air outside the cig to create condensation to trap the tar, nicotine, and carbon monoxide before they can get into my lungs.

I noticed stretch marks on the tops and sides of my breasts and asked Tom why it was so when I’ve never lost 40-50 pounds of “boob weight.” He said it’s cuz I never wear a bra, but not to worry about it. Well, I’m not worried, but I thought about it. I’m wearing a bra now, as support for any part of the body’s good just like when I wear the tummy/back supporter. It also helps relieve the soreness I get before that time of the month. I need new panties, so maybe sometime I can get matching bra/panty sets.

MONDAY, AUGUST 22, 1994 I taped the Barbara Streisand concert for my parents. I also typed a letter for Bob, so I’ve got letters going out to him, Kim, Lisa and Brian. I’m too tired to write anymore right now, but I will in an hour or so.

Later…

I just worked out a little while ago. The next time I work out two days from now, I’ll be adding the fourth and final weight. It’s pretty heavy now.

I spoke to Tammy, too.

When I showed Tom the thing I typed up which I copied in, he said he needs to work on communicating himself better to me. When I asked him if he was mad about it, he said no cuz he’d never be mad at me for expressing my feelings. Other than that, things are fine. He was in a good mood last night and this morning. I was, too. He grabbed my butt and squeezed it this morning and said he hopes we can have sex soon. Me too. I just get frustrated at times cuz of what I wrote before. I also want it practically all the time. I never thought I’d be like that and I wish at times that I didn’t have such an appetite.

He said he could feel my hipbone, unlike ever before. That’s cool, but I still wish my thighs and belly would go down. I still have some craters in the backs of my thighs too, and I weigh 102.

I cleaned Tom’s ears with peroxide and alcohol. The concoction Brenda taught me.

Piggles and I went for a swim earlier while Tom was in the shower.

Tom said that within a couple of days, he’s going to type up a response to all I typed up. He said don’t worry, though, it was all good stuff and he’s already thought about what he’s going to say. That’s cool and I’ll copy it in here.

I killed a huge daddy-long leg that was in my room by my speaker. I sang. I changed the sheets. I set the VCR up to record Andy’s shows, and that’s about all for now.

I hope I get the letter Ma said she did for me, but I doubt I’ll get it until later this week.

Where the fuck is our wedding pictures?! Tomorrow Tom and I will have to call them in Vegas and see where the hell they are.

Tomorrow we’re going to the post office to mail my parent’s tape of Barbara. Also, the figurines for my parent’s anniversary and Tammy’s b-day.

I may get my hair trimmed, too. It really needs it.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21, 1994 Yesterday I was up for nearly 20 hours and when I fell asleep it was only for 5½ hours, so I’m pretty beat.

I got a letter from Lisa which I copied into 35. It’s so sweet, and she sent Tom one, too. I’ve written her back and Tom says he’s going to write her back.

Later…

It is now only 12:33 AM, but I will be copying this into my journal as is, after Tom reads what I’m going to type here. Why am I doing this? Well, I think it’s something that can help me and Tom. This way Tom can read what I write about my feelings so he won’t have to say to himself, “Now how did she word that?” or “What did she say she thinks or feels about this or that?” Sometimes it’s easier to keep track of written words, rather than spoken words. It’s kind of like what a grocery list does. You have a damn good idea of what you need, but a list allows you to always see it, so you’ll be sure to remember and better understand it. I won’t do this regularly. Only when there are things going on that are confusing.

Do I expect Tom to do this, too? No. Only if he wants to cuz I don’t want him to ever do something he may not want to do. Also, I understand that he has little time to do this and that writing and typing are more my things than his.

OK, there are 3 issues that have me somewhat or very confused as far as what Tom and I want and agree on. Other than that, I am very happy with my life and know I’m the luckiest son of a bitch alive and that Tom’s one in millions. The 3 topics I will write about are sex, having a kid, and company.

When I discuss all these topics I’ll be saying how I feel about them. Both the ups and downs on them, etc. I’m also going to say what I think Tom feels, but I fully understand that I could be wrong. Therefore, after he reads this, I hope he’ll correct me with the things that are wrong, so I’ll learn more about him and understand him better.

Sex…

I have mixed emotions about this, just like the other two subjects. I want to do it almost every day, yet I also want to never do it again. Right now I feel like the only thing that’s good about it is when he licks me. The thing I feel that greatly improved is his getting in there. It’s getting easier and easier and much less painful. But how do I think I make him feel? Like shit, if not close. It’s been about a year now and he still can’t cum. Does this make me feel confident and normal? No. What’s confusing me about it? Well, he says he doesn’t want to hit on me for sex. I feel the same way cuz I don’t want to make him think that we can only have sex when I want it. He says he wants to be spontaneous, but he also says stuff like, we’ll do it tomorrow or at such and such a time. He says when he lays down with me it could very well be a signal. But how do I know that? How do I know that he doesn’t just want to talk? If not, who makes the first move? Should I ever make a move when I’m almost positive he’s too tired, or should I wait and see if he does? If one of us wants to do one thing and the other wants to do another, should we both do what we want? Or should only one of us? And if only one of us, then who? When’s the right time during sex to suggest that I do certain things to him or that he do certain things to me? When should he just do whatever and when should I just do whatever without saying anything about it? If he goes to do something to me that I don’t feel like doing, should I tell him not to do it, or should I let him do it if it makes him happy? Should I ask him, for example, if when I’m doing him by hand if it’s too light or too hard? Or should I just let him let me know? Another thing is that I feel that he thinks that I think sex should only please me and that’s far from true, otherwise I wouldn’t care that he hasn’t cum and want to know what he likes. And doesn’t like, for that matter. Another thing, for example, is that he’s told me he couldn't care less about my hair, meaning he doesn’t care if it’s long, short, braided, etc. but is there something else he may care about that may arouse him? Anything, no matter how common or unique, like red lipstick, a blue G-string, or a black shirt? Does this make me wish Tom could magically turn into a woman when we go to have sex? Not at all, cuz sex is sex, regardless of what gender you do it with and it’s complicated with anyone. Plus, sex is more about whom you do it with, not what you do it with. That’s at least how I see it.

Well, that’s all my questions and feelings about that.

Having a kid…

This one’s the most complicated of all, cuz there’s so much more to it. Sometimes I think Tom wants a kid, sometimes I think he doesn’t. I think that’s normal, though, cuz I feel the same way. When I feel sick or tired, I’m glad I don’t have one. Or when Tom’s too busy working his ass off with little free time at all for even us. He said he wasn’t glad he didn’t have a kid and said he was concerned about what my reaction would be if we found out I was pregnant, but then just the other day, he mentioned using rubbers cuz he didn’t want one now or in 9 months. I can see him not wanting one now, but I thought he doesn’t usually get in the habit of trying to predict what he’d want in 9 months from now. So do I not avoid fate and the possibility of getting pregnant? Or do we rubber it up? I don’t know why Tom would or would not want a kid, but here are the pros and cons I came up with after thinking about it:

Cons:

Fear of miscarriage and the pregnancy killing me.

Fear of the pain and dying in labor or delivery.

Fear of losing Tom cuz I’d be a bitch carrying it and fear of losing him during having it and after cuz of the stress of it, lack of sleep and me being so fat.

Fear of the kid coming in between us and making us fight more.

Fear of us not having any time together.

Fear of postpartum blues and being a sexual turn-off.

Fear of lack of sleep.

Fear of losing our lives and not being able to afford it.

I don’t know anything about raising or caring for kids.

Pros:

A life and a responsibility to take care of and teach and watch grow with Tom and when I’m home alone bored.

Despite the fears I’d have, the curiosity of having a life growing inside me and having it.

A great learning experience for me.

The sense of knowing there’s someone I can take care of, instead of someone always taking care of me.

Instead of listening to and doing for other people’s kids, I could listen to and do stuff for my own.

Playing with it and learning different things as far as caring for it step by step with each year and its different ages.

Hoping and praying that I’d be the best mom I could be and breaking people’s beliefs that I’d be just like my mom (though I don’t worry what others think that much).

A human thing created with the one I love, rather than an object that’s ours like the computer or the TV.

Being there for it when it’s sick, sad, or makes a major accomplishment in life, be it personal or something it’s learned.

That concludes that one, but I still feel I’m sterile only cuz it’s hard to believe otherwise. It’s like with me being in Arizona. I never ever believed that could happen and it still blows my mind.

Company…

This is the least confusing one. We’ve recently done our share of talking about this, but there are still a few more baffling things about it.

First of all, here’s the #1 important thing I can say for both of us. I know Tom would never play daddy and tell me I can’t go somewhere, or do something or see someone. I love him for that. My thing is that I’d never leave without at least a day’s notice or several hours or if there was something going on where my attention was demanded here at home. The only time I’d suddenly leave would be if Tom was asleep or working and I know I could be back in time for him to be around (or very close enough). Or for example, if Andy or Larry called while Tom was sitting right there and they asked if I wanted to go somewhere and Tom said, “Sure. No problem. There’s nothing going on right now that can’t wait or immediately needs your attention.”

Tom’s made it sound like I’ve had lots of company since we’ve been married, but I counted since we’ve been together. Before there was that piece of paper, there was us, and we’ve been together for about a year. Here’s how I see my visitor track record. I won’t count Andy cuz he’s local and there’s never been a problem with Andy that I’ve known of. He’s never taken our time or taken me away from something important.

Kim, Phil and Alex were here for 3 days and Larry was here twice. Out of 1 year, I’ve been around here at the house 98% of the time as far as I see it. I asked Tom if he was jealous and he said no. Now, I’m sure Tom would come out and say it if he was, but I still get the feeling that he might be cuz of certain comments he makes, like, “Nobody takes me places.” Here’s an example. I’ll make up to further explain why I thought he was jealous. Let’s make pretend Andy’s here and he’s at work and he knows Andy’s here. Tom feels left out and then in a way takes that “left out” feeling out on me. Well, I hope he knows that there are times when I and everyone feels left out, but that doesn’t stop him from being my #1. Of course, my first choice is to go places with him, but I think everyone should have a right to their friends and family occasionally too, and I think he knows how I feel about that. He sees his family way more than I do and they all live here, for the most part, so I think he understands how I feel.

There were two other shocking things he said, that in my mind are far from true. He said I’ve got lots of friends and this whole other life that he’s not a part of. No way. I’ve got only Andy as a friend and I have no life at all other than my hobbies and chores here at home. There have been countless times when I’ve been home alone bored, wishing Tom were here, wanting to talk, wanting sex, wanting us to be in business, wanting to be a singer, wanting a kid, etc. He’s more a part of my life than anyone’s ever been. Even more so than Andy.

The other thing was that he said he was afraid he couldn’t count on me to help with the business if Kim stopped in, for example. You’re talking once every year or two, though, for 1-3 days. People put their regular life on hold much more frequently than that without falling too far behind in housework, their loved ones, etc. My parents have lots of company and don’t always travel together and they’re happy, so it can be worked out. Also, my brother, I guess I’ll only see 1-3 times a year.

I will use my best judgment possible when it comes to someone wanting to come here or take me somewhere, but all I can say is that I’d never put them over Tom. It’s just like when Tom goes away to work for 12 hours for 4 days out of the week. I still know that that doesn’t mean he puts his job over me.

To conclude all I’ve written, well, I know the easiest thing to do would be to never have sex, never have a kid, and never have company. Do I really want to do that, though? No. I believe in “no pain, no gain.” I’d really like to take the cons that go with the pros of all 3 of these things and try to get rid of all the cons I could in the meantime about each one. I don’t want to keep being a procrastinator or chickening out, despite how easy that is to do.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 20, 1994 Today I begin Phase 2.

I got up late today, and as of now, Andy should be in Springfield. The poor guy must be exhausted after flying and riding in a car for a total of 9 hours.

I taped his shows today and I’ll be doing that all next week, as well as Monday the 29th. When I went to check to see that his shows weren’t cut short at the end or the beginning, which they weren’t, boy did I get a hell of a view for the first second of the tape! Like I said, he’s renting a camcorder. Last night he told me he filmed himself beating off so he could see what it looked like from someone else’s point of view. Then he said he erased it but I’ve learned a lot lately about videotaping. For example, if I taped a movie, rewound it back to the beginning, taped another movie over it, you’d no doubt see a second or two of what was originally on the tape. He’s still going to film in here when he returns, by the way.

I’m going to go watch TV, then I’ve got some other stuff to write about.

Later…

I watched Tales from the Crypt and I’m now ready to write more. Tom and I are going to work on the sides of Piggy’s cage tomorrow so that the sawdust can’t keep getting out. Actually, we may work on it later on this morning.

I began to copy some of the pictures of animals and cartoon characters he downloaded. I’ve done about 7 of them so far and so far my luck���s been good. They’re coming out nicely.

My mother called a few hours ago to tell me that yes, she would like me to tape the Barbara Streisand concert that’s to be on HBO for two hours this Sunday. I had mentioned it to them before and asked if they wanted it, but she didn’t. Guess she changed her mind.

She also said that she had just got done writing a letter to me. Oh my God! With it being a once-in-a-lifetime thing for her, I figured I’d never get a letter from either of them until next year. That’s cool, though, and I look forward to it.

I typed letters to Kim and Brian and speaking of changing minds, well, Kim’s in for a hell of a surprise, but let me go have a cig first.

Later…

I had my smoke and did a few more drawings.

As you know, I decided to keep all of Bob’s letters in a notebook. Well, I’m filling up the rest of #35 and was so bored when I began copying what I’ve got. I figured - why keep so many copied letters? So, today I mailed out a manila envelope stuffed with letters. Kim will be really busy with that. Because she’s never home, it’ll probably take her months to go through them all.

So, what shall I do now? I think I’ll go do some editing. I definitely need some coffee first to go with the event. Editing’s so boring for the most part.

Later…

I just did a little editing and had some coffee. Now I’m going to go look back and see if I can find the date of when I had my last asthma attack, so I can be psyched when it’s been 1 whole year!

Later…

I found the date of my last attack where I had to call 911. It was November 16th. I’ve gotta make it to the 1-year marker. Please, God, let me?!

Later…

I wish Tom would get up now. I’m bored and although there’s stuff I could do, I really don’t feel up to doing it now. Maybe I’ll go draw some more. Sure, why not?

I’ve now got about 15 drawings done. Some look really good and others are just so-so. Now I’m a bit drained, so I’m going to lie down till Tom gets up.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 19, 1994 Boy, did I sleep late. I was up for a very long time too. I fell asleep at almost 9 AM and slept 10 solid hours until 7 PM. Guess I was exhausted cuz I very seldom ever sleep that long.

Tom and I chatted and fooled around. He also downloaded some pictures which I’m going to try to copy for kids’ computer coloring books.

Got my new SS card today as well as my license. This picture looks a bit better.

I sure got mail from Bob today. Like 12 pages’ worth. I also got a 2-page letter from Brian. Last night I copied some into #35. I’ll probably do more later.

Tom got a 1-month sample time/day planner in the mail today for the month of September. The thing a busy executive would use. It’s pretty neat, though, and we may get it for a whole year.

Tom went to bed at 10:00, then an hour later Andy came over. He brought chocolate-covered nuts from Joan and 7 tapes for me to tape his soaps. He leaves tomorrow at 2:30.

I’m doing laundry and hanging stuff out on the line. It’s fun and I don’t mind. Plus it saves us a little bit of money by not using the dryer. It’s just something else to do.

I did my workout with the 3 weights.

I’m psyched for Phase 2 on Saturday.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 18, 1994 I did a little editing. On one of my completed convo tapes, I have a convo with me and Nervous and another with me, Nerv and Fran. Both are so incredibly boring. Nervous is no fun in these convos cuz he was unusually calm and friendly, so right now I’m erasing them. I just run it through on play and record. This way it’s less confusing if I erase something I don’t want.

I just took my meds and boy do I like these time-release capsules better. They seem to work better. My stomach feels better being able to take these with food.

I think I’ll go decorate more envelopes in which Bob’s letters will be mailed.

Later…

I decorated one more envelope with my colored pencils.

I’m also erasing a portion of the other side of the tape. I’ll end up erasing one whole side, plus half of the other side.

I just had an idea. Well, every now and then I get in the mood to write but don’t really have much to write about. Journal #35 is only half full, so maybe I’ll go copy in there some letters I haven’t copied. I was using it for phone numbers, but there’s still plenty of room in #53 for phone numbers.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17, 1994 Yesterday was Tammy’s 37th b-day. I spoke with her and she was telling me about some of the things she got.

Today I went for a doctor’s appointment and I got 11 refills on my meds! That’s a year’s supply. They gave me the Theodur in capsule form, rather than in tablets and the good news about it is that I can eat with it.

On 9/7 I’ll be going to an ear specialist to ask questions about my ear.

Not too much else is going on. I’m recording a movie for Tom right now and now I think I’ll go listen to tunes, then make a pot of tea.

Later…

I did my workout routine and in a little while from now, I’ll take a bath. I could use some freshening up.

I was just listening to some edits while I colored up a few more pages in here. Perhaps I’ll do more editing later. It has been a while and I have some ideas to try out.

Tom mentioned something about getting up early to do laundry as well as computer work. Maybe I’ll be up when he gets up. If I am, I hope he’s in the mood for fun. We haven’t had any in nearly two weeks cuz we’ve both been so busy.

Andy left a message earlier about coming over today to hang out by the pool. I called back to let him know that sounds good, but I may sleep late tomorrow. I’ll call him when I get up. He’s now officially on his vacation.

Well, that’s all for now. Now I’m going to go finish my tea and take a bath. I’ll write more later.

Later…

I decided not to take a bath right now. I just stopped the VCR from recording and now I’m not sure what I’ll do.

Tammy had said something about mailing off a letter Lisa wrote to me. I hope I get that tomorrow as well as letters from Bob and Kim.

When the fuck is our wedding pictures going to get here? If they don’t come this week, I’m calling Vegas to give them a piece of my mind.

Later…

I just did two drawings. Both were women. One’s OK, but the other’s a nightmare. Now, I’m finally going to do some editing.

Tom will be home any time now, but in the meantime, I thought I’d write. I got up at 1 PM today. Andy and I talked earlier. He’s rented a camcorder and may come over later after Tom’s gone to bed to film. I’d really like to film the house and my wall drawings to send to Tammy and my parents.

Earlier I also did some typing on #51.

I took a much-needed shower, brushed out and straightened my hair.

I don’t really have anything else to say right now. Just that I’m bored out of my mind. I hope Tom will be in the mood to play around when he gets home, but we’ll see. He’s probably going to be too tired.

I made up some fried shrimp a while ago. It was so good, but I’m still hungry, so I’ll go make up something else.

Later…

I thought Andy said he was coming over tonight, but he meant tomorrow night. Friday he takes off.

Tom’s going to call in sick from work tomorrow so he can do more work on the cooler and also do some computer programming.

This Saturday I begin Phase 2 of the Phase-Out program. I will have two holes punched into the filter.

Tomorrow I add the third weight to the leg and bun firmer as part of my workout program. I’m disappointed to have to say that when I was at the doctor’s office I was weighed at 104. I took my measurements a little while ago and here’s what they are: thighs 20½, hips 33½, waist 25¾. That sucks and I’d really like to reduce these measurements by 2-3 inches.

I tried Tom’s weekly experiment earlier. He bought instant coffee with a box of different flavors you add to the coffee. You don’t need to put milk or sugar in it. Well, I didn’t anyway. It was a little bitter and not what I’m used to. There was French Vanilla, Mocha Almond, Irish Crème, and Amaretto. The last two taste like cough syrup, but I’ll check them out. In the meantime, Tom won’t be buying it again. I remember during 1986-1988 when I used to see Nervous almost every day, the two of us were really into cinnamon coffee, but it was brewed. Not instant.

Well, I think I’ll go do other things for now and probably return later to write more.

MONDAY, AUGUST 15, 1994 Tom just got up, and believe it or not, I was playing a little guitar. I’m getting really tired, though, so I expect to go to sleep soon.

Later…

Got up at 1:30 today. I quickly spoke to Tammy. I sent her a message on Prodigy and I also wrote up the last 7 postcards (3-D) to my parents, Bob, Kim, Tammy & Bill, Lisa, Becky and Sarah.

Tom came home early from work beat and has gone to bed. Now I need to go pee and I may go for another swim.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 14, 1994 Tomorrow’s workout day. I do it every other day and I’m up to 2 weights out of the 4 on the thighs. I’ll be at 3 in a few days.

On the 20th, it’ll be time for Phase 2. That means 2 tiny holes in the filter for 2 weeks.

Last night I was playing around with the 3-D postcards. It blurred into a multi-level, but I still couldn’t see the hidden image.

I took my colored pencils and decorated Bob’s envelopes with different colors. Last night I colored the outsides of my next book. Instead of gold-trimmed pages on a few of my journals, I now have one with lots of colors. My next journal has no lines in it and I may use calligraphy pens from time to time.

I tried sleeping a while ago but had no luck.

I asked Larry again, and he did say that Ma wanted to ride with him. Probably just her, though, as Dad will stay behind with the dogs. Really? They know a million people. Can’t they find someone to dog-sit for them?

I’m really bummed that Tom couldn’t meet Larry and Jenny. I sure hope they can meet the next time. However, the next time around, the kids could be in school and Larry could maybe be by himself.

Well, now it is time for a very big jump. We’re going all the way to journal 76 now!

Later…

Got up at 10:30 today. I told Tom all about seeing Larry and Jenny. He’s now taking a nap.

Other than that, there’s not much else to tell. I was just watching some TV and now I’m kind of bored. Guess I’ll go do some computer work now.

Later…

Tom just got up a little while ago and I just got out of the tub. It rained here today and rain always makes me feel yucky. I’m now finally starting to wake up now that the sun has set and I took a bath to freshen up.

I recorded a movie earlier and in about 15 minutes I’m going to record another.

What else can I say? Well, I’m in the mood to write, but I just can’t think of anything to write about.

Later…

Tom just ran out to get smokes and right now I’m kind of frustrated. I slept till 11:30 today and I really wanted to get up at 8 AM every day. I’ll just have to make myself, even if it means 4 hours of sleep for a while. Not much else is going on at this point. I think I’ll just watch TV for a while. Later on, I may do some more writing.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 13, 1994 We got a killer electric bill today of $425. Ugh! I told Tom to just switch over to the EC and that I’ll just have to get used to it and keep adjusting to this climate as I’m going to live here for the rest of my life.

I got up today at 11:30 and so far all I’ve done is take a shower and type Kim a letter.

My brother still hasn’t called yet, so his visit here is still up in the air. I’ll put my face on soon, anyhow.

Tom’s working on getting the other EC in. Although they say it’s only 100º, it’s 37% humid, so it feels like 110º. It’s deathly hot and humid in the house, so I’m really looking forward to the other EC being installed.

I just put the fan full blast by the foot of the bed. Now I feel much better.

Tom’s taking a shower right now, then I’ll go put my face on.

Later…

I’m kind of bored right now, just passing time and seeing if Larry calls.

Tom’s out of the shower and he’s now watching TV. When he’s indoors, he’s pretty much either at the TV or the computer.

The humidity in here just knocked down my journal chart. That’s OK, though, cuz after I finish this book I’ll have to update it.

Tom’s not in the greatest mood right now cuz he’s very overworked and we may have company. Tom’s not really any more into company than I am.

Sometime tomorrow I’ll type a letter to my parents. What shall I do right now? Oh, I don’t know. Just be bored and lazy, I guess.

Later…

I wish my brother would hurry the fuck up and call if he’s coming. I hate waiting. I feel like I’m in a doctor’s office.

Later…

I guess my brother isn’t coming, so I’m going to go for a swim.

Later…

I went for that swim I needed. Yup, I did and now I feel much better. More so cuz we switched back to the AC. The EC makes it too damn humid in August. It felt like someone took a wet sheet, heated it up to 200º, then wrapped it around me. This is the very type of weather, climate, and feeling I wanted to escape from.

Still no call from Larry, so who knows where the hell they are?

I started a shopping list and tomorrow Tom’s going to shoot on over to the grocery store after work. He’ll be going in at 5 AM for 5-6 hours.

Later…

Tom went to bed a short while ago.

It feels so much better in here now that the AC is back on.

I think I’ll go type up a letter to my parents now.

Later…

Guess who was here an hour ago? Yup, Larry and Jenny. I really stressed it upon him to call first and I’m bummed Tom couldn’t meet them. He said they were scouting the area when he recognized and remembered the way. They were only here for a little while, but it was so good to see them. Jenny’s only 2” shorter than me and boy is her hair long! It’s down to her lower butt. She looks a lot like Sandy. She’s skinny, but her face is very plain. Larry’s hair is now as long as Tom’s and he had it in a ponytail.

Tom and I may go to see his parents tomorrow.

I typed a 3-page letter to my parents. I had just finished printing it out when they came, so I quickly added on the back of their letter that they had just come.

I asked Larry if he still wanted Tom to write down directions and he said he’d remember. They’re now heading for Arkansas, then to Mom and Dad’s. I’ll eventually get to see Sandy and Larry.

Later…

I’m wide awake and probably will be for a while.

I forgot to check Prodigy for any mail I might have gotten. I’ll do that now, then I’ll go watch some TV.

I hope Lisa got her tapes by now and enjoys them.

I forgot to mention that in Larry’s truck were many boxes of whipped cream. Guess that’s just what he was delivering. They also had a very very small dog with them. It was so cute and I very fearlessly picked her up. Brandy’s her name. That seems to be a popular name for animals.

Later…

I just watched a little TV and went for another swim.

I haven’t checked Prodigy yet cuz I’m getting kind of tired, believe it or not. I know, though, that I’ll be up for several more hours.

A little while ago I had a sneezing fit. Tom said he thinks I may need antibiotics. I agree. I know what I need right now. A nice hot steaming cup of coffee. I haven’t had any at all today.

Later…

This visit went so much better, not that the first one with Larry alone was bad, but everyone was so relaxed. I can now really see what I’ve always figured. I’m his favorite sister. That makes me feel good, but sad for Tammy. If my brother was given two choices, one being to be paid to see Tammy, the other paying to see me, he’d pay to see me.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 12, 1994 Got two letters from Kim today and I also spoke to my parents. It’s their 43rd anniversary. I told them their present would soon be on its way. The figurines are done now. All I have to do is pack and ship them and pray they arrive there in one piece.

Larry called today. He was in Phoenix, but couldn’t find his way here. Jenny was with him. He said if they found their way here, I could’ve gone with them to CA and returned home tomorrow. Sounds cool but I wouldn’t want to just suddenly desert Tom. They’re going to try to stop by tomorrow in the late afternoon. That’d be even better, so Tom could meet them, too. I talked to Jenny for a few minutes, too. Larry said he may bring Mom out and that she wants to ride with him. When? I don’t know.

I finished my project in #71.

Later…

I’m still up, but not for long. I went for a swim a little while ago.

I got a 3½-page letter ready to go out to Bob on Monday. Over the weekend, I’ll type letters to Kim and my folks. I did a little typing on #51.

Spoke with Andy who’s psyched at the thought of having only 6 more days till he goes home. He had planned on stopping to see Tammy, but now he’s not sure if he’ll have the time to do so.

He really liked the 3-D postcard I sent him and he wants to get some, too. My dad said he’s still trying to figure his out.

I’ve got some color now, but I really wish I had the color that Tom and Andy have.

You know what I should do right now? While I’m still waiting to get even more tired than I am, I should write as many names as I can think of in case I ever do end up doing an autobiography. I still doubt I ever will, but I’ll try to go beyond those 48 names a few pages back. Even if I barely knew them, knew them long, or if they’re jerks, good people or both. I remember some people’s names and what they looked like but there are also so many people’s faces I see, but I can only remember their first or last names only.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 11, 1994 Well, today’s Nervous’s birthday. Andy asked if I was going to call him. What’s the point? Crystal will just hog the phone and not let us talk. With Crystal and the distance between us, it’ll never be like old times. He’s a closed chapter now.

Tomorrow’s my parent’s anniversary, so I’ll call there tomorrow. I finished their figurines as well as Tammy’s.

Tomorrow’s also asshole Fran’s birthday. I still can’t believe he hasn’t called, but tomorrow he may try thinking I’ll be all sweet and friendly to him just cuz it’s his b-day. He’ll have thought wrong, though, cuz I’ll hang up on him.

I called SS and someone was supposed to call me back, but never did. What else is new with them?

Tonight I’m recording 6 hours’ worth of TV for times I get bored or lazy.

Today Andy was over. We were out by the pool where I got more color.

I got no mail today, but we mailed out more of those 3-D postcards. I began two pages of Bob’s letter and by Monday I’ll finish that as well as do one for Kim and my parents. I’ll be back to write more later.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 10, 1994 Just thought I’d take a break from the project I’ve been working on to get up to date on some of the things that have been going on. First of all, the major project I’m working on is in #71. I’ve randomly picked 48 people that I’m writing 2 pages about. Of course, I couldn’t pick everyone, so I just chose the first 48 people I could think of. Some of them are negative, positive, or both. Some I knew briefly, some all my life. Some are family, friends and acquaintances, lovers and enemies.

BOL #11 is done and from now on, all letters will go in a 3-ring binder or a manila envelope. I have a grand total of 293 letters! With the ones I haven’t copied, I know I’m just over the 300-mark! Wow! That’s a lot of letters.

Anyway, it’s a real sauna outside and very quiet. Tom said he thinks they took off next door a couple of days ago. He said the kids were all in the van and they were putting in boxes. Yeah, I think they did take off somewhere. Cool.

Yesterday I went to get a new license with my new name. They took another picture and I hope this one came out better.

We went to SS for a new SS card in the new name. He had to get a new one too, cuz he lost his a while ago.

Speaking of SS I called them today to find out what the hell’s going on. Am I on it or off it? She said I’m listed as on it, but I’ve got to call back tomorrow to talk to someone else. Like Tom said, if someone wants to give me money, I’ll take it.

Later…

I just did some laundry, so now I can write some more. Yesterday we ordered these colorful splash labels that say Tom & Jodi Lin S. Also a Post-it pad of paper. That says, Tom & Mystery.

We picked up two of the same kinds of figurines of a cactus with a narrow flowerpot behind it. One’s for Tammy for her birthday and the other is for my parents for their anniversary. I ran out of paints, though, so it’s delayed. I sent them cards saying that their gifts would be late. Tammy, who I talked to today, asked if I sent them anything and said she just sent a card. I gave her one hint about her gift and theirs. I said “paint” and she asked why she’d need paint. She asked if it was a picture. I said no, then quickly changed the subject. She’s no doubt going nuts trying to figure out what the hell it is.

I thought of a neat way to test my parent’s reaction if I ever was pregnant. Next April I’ll tell them I am as an April’s fool joke. If they flip, then I won’t ever talk to them if I ever do get pregnant for real. What if I were before April? Well, I’d really like Tom to be the one to tell them, but since he may not want to, I’m sure Tammy will.

Tammy asked how come Tom never calls her, but maybe we’ll surprise her one of these days. I told Tammy it works both ways. Bill’s never called me and he’s always welcomed to. Then again, I really don’t care for the guy.

Later…

My project’s 2/3 of the way done. Tom said he thought it was an excellent idea and that if he were teaching a writing class he’d tell his class to choose 20 people and write 2 pages about each one. That’s cool. I thought he’d think it rather strange if anything at all.

He may be a half-hour late this week as he’s stopping to feed his sister’s dog. She and Dave are in CA. He’ll also be leaving a half hour early before work to go feed the dog and let it out. I’m just kind of waiting for him now.

I guess I’m all up to date with everything. Gotta go get my jeans and Vegas tie-dye shirt off the line.

Later…

OK, I got my stuff off the line. The animals next door are there. I could hear them, but very faintly.

I am wondering if having my own child would impact the way next door annoys me. I believe the reason for this is that if you constantly hear your own children, it becomes difficult to distinguish them from others. Additionally, most people prefer the sounds of their own children over those of someone else’s.

Later…

I just heard the phone ring, but I figured it was just Andy calling to say hi, so I didn’t answer. It was a message from Tom, though. He’s at Mary’s and he’s going to be home between 7:30-7:45. I’ll have dinner ready for him either way. I made up cheese noodles with bacon bits and I’ll also make him two hot dogs.

I got a letter from Bob today and this time around he did something new. He addressed it to both of us.

I did my workout today and now I’ve got 2 weights in the thigh holder. In 2 weeks, I’ll be up to 4, the total amount.

I’m still on Phase 1 out of 4 until the 20th.

I did dishes, watered my plant outside, and that’s pretty much it.

Earlier today I had a sneezing fit for the first time in ages, but it was nothing compared to what I used to go through back East. Then, after that, I had the runs. I’m fine now, though. Last night Tom showed me a very easy way to print pictures and I did several. Today I was going to do some more, but I couldn’t get it started. Oh well.

Later…

Tom’s home now eating his dinner and when he’s done we’re going to chat for a while. I’m kind of horny and hoping for fun, but if he’s too tired I’ll understand.

MONDAY, AUGUST 8, 1994 Last night I’m sure the whole city of Phoenix was woken up by the massive thunderstorm we had. It woke Tom and I up sometime at 2 AM. It was really booming out there. I wished it was going on, though, when I was awake to see it. I like how I’m sure it woke them up next door.

Andy was probably pissed at being woken up and not up able to see it and enjoy it. He loves storms.

Well, I have 4 pieces of mail going out. A letter to Kim, a letter to Bob, Tammy’s b-day card, and my parent’s anniversary card.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 7, 1994 I have a million things to write about, but I’ve just been extremely busy to do so. Andy was over last Thursday and Friday. We hung out back by the pool, got some color and typed letters.

Yesterday I got a long 5-page letter from Bob. Also, my Phase-Out system came! I’m really psyched about it, too. It’s an 8-week program. Every 2 weeks you punch in 2 perforations into the filter with little tiny sharp needles.

Last Friday I taped The Guardian in SP. Luckily it came out just fine, but Andy kindly taped it as a backup.

It’s been peacefully quiet around here and Tom and I swam this weekend.

He and I are doing great and yesterday we had some serious fun sexually. It has become so easy for him to get in me and I’ve really loosened up. Today we didn’t have time for fun, but tomorrow we’ll make the time.

Yesterday, besides hot sex, we went out shopping. He got a computer book and some other stuff. I got 3 new journals, this pen I’m writing with, and also a purple one.

Also, 3-D postcards. When you look at them they’re all different kinds of pretty colors and patterns till you see the hidden image. It’s like stereo for your eyes. Tom’s mastered the technique, but so far I’ve only been able to see one postcard, plus a moving one he downloaded on the computer. There were 30 postcards. We’re sending 1 to David & Evie and I’m using the rest cuz he couldn’t think of anyone else to send them to. I’m sending 1 to Andy, 4 to my parents, 4 to Tammy & Bill, 4 to Lisa, 4 to Becky, 4 to Sarah, 4 to Kim and 4 to Bob. I put the postcard stubs and stuck a few at the back of this book. Mostly I put them in numbers 4 & 14.

Well, I’m totally beat now, so if I’ve forgotten anything I’ll write it in tomorrow.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6, 1994 OK, now I finally have about an hour to write.

I just remembered that today’s that asshole Rosemarie’s birthday. I think she’s 30.

Gotta do my 1-2-3 workout today. The exercises are 20 minutes and the warm-up and cool-down take 10 minutes, so that’s 30 minutes total. I love the back and tummy supporter as well as the wrist weights. They’re great for when I’m sitting up typing.

I called my sister that day to tell her all about it, then got to talking with Lisa. She sang part of Get on Your Feet by Gloria and oh my God! That kid can really sing. She’s going to be great when she gets older. She already has vibrato. I didn’t get that till I was 22 and she’s only 11. Tammy says if that’s what she wants to do, she’ll support it. Thank God she’s not as negative as she used to be or is like Mom who was very discouraging. So, anyway, Lisa went on to tell me she wanted Gloria’s Spanish tape but had no money, so I made 3 tapes of Gloria’s best stuff.

I made 1 Spanish tape and 2 in English and I even put the voice exercises on that Bill made.

Now I’m going to go listen to music, but I’ll continue on later.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 4, 1994 I certainly have news to write about, but I’m so very tired now that I may not get into too much detail.

Yesterday my Tone-up 1-2-3 finally came and I love it! It’s the best method I’ve ever done. Clean-cut and simple. You do it 30 minutes every other day. I’ll expand more on it tomorrow.

I also talked to my parents. Ma asked if the shirt fits Tom, did he like the baseball, does he like sports, what kind of car does he have, what year is it, and do I drive it?

I talked to Dad, too.

I’ll write about Lisa and the tapes I’m sending her some other time.

Andy was here today and we were out back. I got some color and he may be over tomorrow, too.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 3, 1994 Got a letter from Bob yesterday as well as a wedding card and a letter from Alex.

I typed Alex a letter, but I won’t send Kim and Bob’s letter until Monday. I figured I’d send Kim and Bob letters every Monday and every other Monday I’ll send letters to my parents. I’ll send messages to Tammy whenever I’ve got something to say.

Our US West bill came yesterday. Amazingly enough, there were no calls billed from Fran. We’ll have to see how the next bill is and check the Sprint bill when it comes.

Fran also hasn’t called. What luck, huh? I really didn’t think he’d go down so easily. He’s not easy to shake off.

Yesterday we went down to a Social Security office. We didn’t have enough documents for proof, so we took forms with us. However, we can’t mail photocopies of documents, so we’ll go there again next Tuesday.

This Saturday I’ll probably get more journals.

Later…

Now I’m sitting at my blue card table, instead of laying on the bed.

I brought the old lamp I made in middle school in a woodshop in here and it’s now on the table. I just got up to wash the lampshade cuz it was filthy. I wish the lampshade weren’t so dark. I’d like to get a white one. The lampshade’s now drying out by the fan so I don’t end up getting zapped.

Tom will be getting up real soon. He has to work the next 3 days.

There was a surprise from him when I woke up. A huge poster of a still shot from our wedding video. It’s really cool. Sort of grainy, but if you stand a little further away, it looks so cool.

Yesterday we began our first task as far as shaping up the back room goes. We picked out tools that I may need, especially cuz he’ll have tools he uses in the back little room and the garage. He put up a pegboard on the door where the hot water tank and the washer are. It’s in this little square area between the garage and kitchen doorway. The other kitchen doorways are off the living room and off the back room, but that one’s more like an archway. I believe there were once sliding glass doors there before the back room was added on. Anyway, on the pegboard, we put screwdrivers (regular and Philips), a hammer, a pair of pliers, a broom, and a duster. I hung the mop up on a holder that was already there.

It’s 6:02 now and I think I hear his alarm. If he doesn’t come out by 6:05, I’ll go make sure he’s up.

Thanks to a commercial on TV, I learned something new. I have feminine powder, and I’d sit back on the toilet and try to stick some down there but when I’d sit up it’d go all over. Well, this time around I put it in my underwear. The tip came just in time as I got my period and it really helps keep me dryer.

Tom’s up so I’ll see ya!

Later…

Tom showed me changes he made with the picture printing program and now he’s eating hot dogs and watching the news.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 2, 1994 Boy, was I busy yesterday. I busted my ass cleaning the bathroom, scrubbing the kitchen floor and doing laundry. I washed the little rugs in the kitchen and bathroom and the curtains seem like they shrunk, though. Before I washed the curtains, I touched up the soundproofing stuff in the windows. There are tons of gaps in them, so I shoved in cotton balls and the last of the silver foil labels. Lots of the labels had fallen when I woke up. Instead of all the work wearing me out, it pumped my adrenaline, so I ended up being up for 20 hours when I finally knocked off at around 4 PM. I got up shortly after midnight. I’m still a bit tired.

Later…

Larry called yesterday. He started off by saying he was down the street and wanted to come over. I thought, holy shit! I’ve been up so long and look like hell. He was only kidding, though, and was at Mom and Dad’s in Florida. He said his plans are all fouled up, but he still hopes to get out here this summer. I told him all about my unpredictable schedule and why I understood that oh so well. He said Larry’s done riding with him for the summer cuz he has to go to school early cuz of Band or something like that.

Jenny just got back from camp, so she’ll go on the road with him. I hope to meet up with all of them eventually, but right now Larry’s done traveling alone.

I finally remembered to ask his age which I figured was between 38-40, but like most of us in the family, he looks younger. He was teasing me by saying I look 14. He saw our wedding video, and I thought, oh no! He said it was very good and I didn’t look fat.

He’s still looking forward to meeting Tom and when I said how blessed I was, cuz most guys are jerks, he jokingly goes, “I’m a slut.”

I don’t think that was a joke, though, at one time and I said I probably would have been too if I were a guy.

He also mentioned my possibly going with him on his rig maybe to CA for a few days. In the meantime, he doesn’t know when he’s coming, but I told him what Tom’s days off were.

MONDAY, AUGUST 1, 1994 Tom got up an hour ago. He slept for 12 hours. Lucky him. I wish I’d done that, too.

I was just playing with Piggy while he was working on his computer program.

I just did another huge round of journal housekeeping. I took out address labels that were in the wrong books. I wish I didn’t stick the stickers I just stuck in this book (4 of them). Why? Cuz I have so much doodling on the front and back covers of so many journals, especially in the beginning that it’d be nice to cover it. Well, I’ll be getting these TV dinners regularly, so little by little I’ll cover them.

Tom just came in and closed the air duct in my closet, so no spiders can come down.

Later…

Yesterday I didn’t do too much. I watched the women’s gymnastics and a movie I taped when I got up.

Tomorrow we’re going to go get my name changed with SS and also discuss the letter SSI sent. I still need to call the Registry of Motor Vehicles too.

[61below]

Fundie gender norms are weird af, exhibit 2363:

My husband’s aunt texted me to tell me that the family Christmas gathering will be coming up soon and that she hopes we’ll be there.

Like, sure, on its face this isn’t completely abnormal. But I have no relationship with this woman beyond a few unpleasant instances where she tries to get into Culture War Debates with me (she is also the one who, when I first met her and I told her about who my family is, and that my great great uncle survived the concentration camps, she full-on reared back and whisper shrieked “YOU’re JEwiSh!!!????!!!” and I had to be like… okay hold up first, I’m not, not as far as I’m aware, and second, tf is your deal lady, even if I was?) so it was shocking to receive a text from her out of the blue. Idk, it’s just weird. Talk to your nephew. I’m not in charge of the entire social and emotional labor in this household.

[phoenixyfriend]

Uncle Ben and Little Luke

AKA we combine several types of time travel for maximum Soft Chaos, let’s go

EDIT NOW THAT I’VE WRITTEN THIS UP: jfc this ended up much angstier than initially intended uhhhhhhhhhh sorry

So a common enough thing I’ve seen in time travel fics is characters getting de-aged when tossed back physically, to neither the age they should be in that time, nor the age they were from the time they left, but whatever is most convenient. This is usually de-aging OT Obi-Wan into his TCW self, for reasons relating to, chiefly, removing the damage of Tatooine absolutely destroying his body alongside PTSD-driven alcoholism, but also because fic writers are horny, and Ewan McGregor playing a late-thirties negotiator is on average more appealing to people than Alec Guinness playing a vaguely feral desert hermit.

So, here’s how it plays out:

We take Luke and Ben from some point in the OT. There are a variety of options depending on how angsty we want it to be. My first instinct is ‘right after Owen and Beru die’ but I want to have that sweet angst where Luke knows that his dad is Vader and that Obi-Wan was trying to convince him to kill his own father without telling him that.

We’ll go with shortly after Bespin, and then they end up significantly before TPM. The Obi-Wan of the timeline proper is, eh, let’s say eighteen. Not really ready to be a knight, but old enough that we don’t have to worry about “if we go save Shmi, do we somehow wipe out Anakin?” which is absolutely a worry. Anakin is a toddler, and is in no place to be evil, on account of being literally two years old. He can’t even explode people with his brain yet.

Now, Ben finds himself mid-thirties, as is traditional. He’s not upset at this, because his joints hurt so much less than they used to! His knees aren’t exactly teenage-perfect, but by the Force are they better than they were in the years before he died! His hair has color! He doesn’t have arthritis! And, goodness, no physical withdrawal symptoms! The psychological aspect is still there, but nonetheless, he’s in much better shape than he last remembers being.

Luke looks like he’s about six. He was recently twenty-two. This is not an upgrade. Ben keeps having to carry him. He can’t see over the counter when they enter a bar for information. He can’t enter the bar in the first place. He’s very annoyed by all of this.

Ben is not annoyed. Ben is having a lot of emotions, actually, but annoyance isn’t one of them. He didn’t get to help raise Luke the way he might have if Anakin hadn’t lost his shit, okay, he sees a small Luke and he wants to hug him and cry.

Luke would like to be able to purchase a speeder part without the lady at the stall asking him if he needs his “dad’s” permission.

Once they figure out when and where they are, they need to decide where and how to leave. There are general shenanigans to gamble their way into enough money to hire a ship. They are in the ass end of nowhere, but definitely not Tatooine. There appears to be a jungle. There appears to be a significant variety of man-eating creatures. There appears to be a temple to the Force of questionable origin. None of this is actually helpful, except for the moment they find a “baby’s first lightsaber” in the temple.

Luke only has one hand and, being a six-year-old, his body is growing too fast for him to bother with getting a wired-in prosthesis the way he could as an adult. He can get a more basic prosthesis, but nothing that attaches to the neurons. He’ll outgrow it too fast.

He’s tiny and he’s not used to doing things with just one hand. He uses the Force to do what one hand can't, and every time someone tries to tell him he's misusing the Force he whaps them with the empty sleeve.

So, you know, they find out what year it is. Ben has a breakdown. Luke is upset that he left behind his friends. Ben admits to him that Leia was his twin. Luke stares in horror because dude, she kissed him, you couldn’t have mentioned this earlier???

Ben points out that Beru and Owen were keeping Luke away from him for nineteen years, and then they had about three days of awkward travel to find Leia in the first place, and then Ben died. He didn’t have a whole lot of time to figure out how to tell him.

(This sparks an argument that lasts several days. All onlookers assume that Ben’s son is throwing a tantrum. He doesn’t correct them, even though this is a very valid reason to be upset, because the truth is much harder to explain.)

Sooooo they travel. Mostly, Ben plays Sabacc, cleans house, and pays their way towards Coruscant. Luke still really wants to learn to be a Proper Jedi, even though Ben is pretty sure that Luke would have... a lot of difference of opinion with the Temple, but sure. Coruscant. They can at least stop by, and see Qui-Gon, and Mace, and Quinlan, and Bant, and everyone else that’s still alive and not tragically deceased in the horror following the start of the Clone Wars and then the birth of the Empire, and Ben can have a nice sob over all his dead friends being alive again.

Ben is only barely holding it together while Luke is in the room with him at any given point. But it’s fine! It’s fine. He’s fine. All of his loved ones have come back to life! It’s great! HE’S FINE.

He is not fine.

Luke is also grieving all the people who haven’t been born yet, but he’s... significantly more okay than Ben is.

The closer they get to the Core, the more often people just assume Ben is Luke’s father, and then look shocked and uncomfortable when Luke flatly calls him by his name, and they just... compromise. This is the point at which Luke starts calling him “Uncle Ben.”

Ben cries in his bunk later that night. Luke overhears it and wonders how the HELL Ben is more unstable now, when there’s a chance to fix things and no Vader or Empire trying to kill or capture both of them, and all his friends are alive.

(Luke will later learn a lot about PTSD and realize this is actually a fairly normal situation, to process significant events and emotions only after gaining safety or catharsis.)

(Twenty years on a ball of sand with an alcohol addiction and debilitating fear of the man you raised as your own brother is not, in fact, safe or cathartic.)

At any rate, they’ve settled into that pattern by the time they reach the Inner Rim. The Inner Rim is the part of the galaxy at which they’ve collected enough money (and mental stability) to travel a little better, and to take a few more risks.

Risks like “manipulate people with those baby blues.”

Ben tells Luke that he’s a menace, after he pouts so cutely that he gets a free scarf added on to a purchase that Ben makes. Luke responds that Ben has no room to talk, since he flirted a free breakfast out of that one inn owner.

Also, Luke is currently physically six. That is objectively a situation that sucks. He deserves to use it for all it’s worth if he’s stuck like this.

“You know, if you keep wearing all-black and looking longingly at the velvet cape and Space Chanel boots, the temple is going to worry that you’re a darksider.”

“Uncle Ben... you told me, yesterday, that I sparkle so brightly in the Force that it’s almost blinding.”

“Yes, but the gloves--”

They don’t agree on this, but Ben relents. He does actually understand good fashion, unfortunately, and he’s not unaware of how much Leia taught Luke about such things.

Luke’s about forty years ahead of the curve, of course, but Skywalkers are prone to such things. It’s usually in regards to technology, granted, but...

They get to Coruscant. Ben is very obviously a Jedi. He knows all the right words and walks like a Soresu master and feels warm and comforting in the Force. They let him in with minimal questions. They note down “my first padawan left the order to have a child, but died shortly after; I consider Luke here to be my nephew, and have raised him as such,” and move on.

Luke is vaguely annoyed because he already had an uncle (and aunt) that raised him, but he admits that a person can have more than one uncle. He can live with this. Ben was more family to Anakin than Owen was, in some ways, so it’s kind of true. Luke is even working on feeling more childish affection for Ben instead of the complicated mess of emotions that come from being lied to about some very large and important subjects, and then seeing the person saying those lies have regular emotional breakdowns due to something as small as Luke saying he likes the curve of the hull on that freighter.

(Apparently he sounds just like his father did as a child. This is almost heartwarming.)

The thing is! The thing. The thing is, they almost make it to the Halls of Healing to get looked over for weird viruses, or Outer Rim Parasites, or whatever the hells needs to be happening. They almost make it without Ben having a flashback to dead younglings or brainwashed troopers or the declaration of a Sith Empire. They almost make it without incident.

Then Ben sees Qui-Gon, and freezes, and does not move again.

Luke cannot get him to restart.

People are staring.

They haven’t even made it to Medical, Uncle Ben, come on.

Young, local Obi-Wan comes over and asks if there’s something he can do to help. Or maybe this “Ben” knows Qui-Gon? Master Jinn doesn’t recognize Ben, but maybe Luke knows more?

Luke does know more, but what Luke actually says is “he probably needs a mind healer.”

(Ben will not appreciate this.)

(Ben is unfortunately standing in the middle of the hallway and completely unresponsive, and is unable to argue with this assertion.)

(Ben is pretty much proving this assertion entirely correct, actually.)

Obi-Wan is helpful, if a little bitchy in the manner of most late-teens individuals, and offers to help get Uncle Ben down to the Halls of Healing. It involves Obi-Wan gently pushing on Ben’s shoulders, and Qui-Gon offering to carry Luke so he can be in Ben’s sights (because Ben is a Mystery, and Qui-Gon is quite fond of those, so he wants to stay involved). Ben kind of just... shuffles on down.

There are medical tests. They ask about how Luke lost his hand. He refuses to talk about it. They ask how Ben got all his scars. Luke says he doesn’t know. They ask if he knows why Ben looks like he’s been through a war. Luke says it’s because he probably was.

They check for foreign viruses. They find evidence of thus-far-unpatented vaccinations. They ask Luke if he knows what he’s vaccinated for.

“How would I know? I’m six.”

They agree that this is a good excuse.

(It is not. He’s lying. They do not know this.)

They do some more tests. They find a lot of questionable medical bullshit in Ben’s body. Most of this is from the clone wars, but they don’t know this. Someone realizes they haven’t gotten a ping back from the Shadow Network regarding “do we have permission to pull the medical file of a Jedi that isn’t in the normal database? We’re assuming you know who he is, since we don’t.”

The Shadow Network does not know who Ben is.

The healers, of course, go “huh, that’s weird, but maybe the name he gave his nephew was fake. We can’t exactly ask ‘Ben’ for more details right now. We already had to sedate him. Let’s check the DNA!”

The DNA pulls up as Obi-Wan Kenobi.

The padawan who brought this guy in two hours ago.

“Huh, that’s weird. Let’s call in Kenobi and ask if he knows what’s going on.”

Obi-Wan absolutely does not know what’s going on.

They ask Luke.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he says, lying through his teeth and not even pretending otherwise.

“You’re not a very good liar,” teenage Obi-Wan tells him.

“I’m not trying to be,” Luke says. “Can you get Master Yoda? I feel like we’re going to need him.”

They normally wouldn’t get Yoda on the request of a six-year-old, but they also normally don’t have a catatonic thirty-something Jedi who looks like he’s been through a war popping up in the medical database as the pimply teenage padawan that broke his pinky trying to do a Badass Ataru Flip last week.

Or... whatever Luke i... is... oh dear.

“Young one,” Qui-Gon asks, while people whisper-shout behind him, not realizing he’s cutting the Correlian Knot and just asking the kid himself. “Do you know why your midichlorian count is so high? It’s almost unheard of.”

“Uncle Ben said my dad was the Chosen One,” Luke says, because he is capable of being a little shit and is actually really eager to let Ben deal with some of the fallout. He feels for the man, really, but he’s also tired of being the one to field every single question.

Also, the expressions that pass on Qui-Gon’s face are hilarious.

(Luke may or may not be more affected by his six-year-old brain than he would like to admit.)

“Thank you,” Qui-Gon says, sounding more than a little strangled about it.

It takes another three hours for Ben to wake up.

He listens to the questions. He hears what they say his ‘nephew’ said. He looks at Luke.

“Is this revenge for not telling you about Leia?”

“It’s not revenge,” Luke does not lie. “I just don’t know how to explain it.”

“It’s pretty easy to explain.”

“It’s not my secret.”

“This is revenge for the Leia thing.”

“No,” Luke says. “Revenge for the Leia thing was when I ate a live frog in front of you.”

This is the point at which someone interrupts and points out that they appear to be stalling.

“Oh, he is,” Luke tells them. He gestures at Ben. “I can’t tell you more, because it’s more his story than mine.”

“I’m afraid, Master, that I am very likely to have an emotional breakdown if I allow myself to consider the reality of this situation for longer than the fraction of a second I already have,” Ben reports, full of false cheer. “Suffice to say, I am far from stable and have only held out this far for Luke’s sake.”

“Can you explain why you have my DNA?” Obi-Wan asks, as the person who’s most concerningly involved in this situation.

“You can,” Ben says, smiling like there is absolutely nothing wrong in the slightest, ever. “I’m you, from the future. I actually died and spent a few years dead before coming back. I’m not sure why I’m younger than I was when I died, but I appreciate being able to put on my shoes without my knees attempting to mutiny.”

“He needs a mind healer,” Luke reiterates, in case the strained grin hasn’t made it clear. “So do I, but not as much.”

“I have felt literally every person in this Temple save for Luke and Yoda die,” Ben reports, looking a shade more manic than a few seconds earlier. “It’s very overwhelming to feel you all being alive again. I may be approaching a mental breakdown, and I’ve been rather strictly advised against using alcohol to treat my traumas again.”

Luke kicks him in the thigh. It’s not a very hard kick, because he is very small, and he does actually like Ben. “I’m not letting you turn into an old drunk again.”

After several seconds of silence, a healer quietly suggests that everyone clear the room, and asks if someone could fetch Master Yoda as the youngling requested.

(THIS IS ALMOST THREE THOUSAND WORDS. I started it less than two hours ago. Why am I like this.)

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Give her the life I never had; Harry Potter x child reader

*Author’s note*

So this came from my Wattpad requests and this is my first Harry potter (character not fandom) fic that I have written so I hope I didn’t mess this up for any hardcore Potterheads out there.  So this takes place during the Battle at Hogwarts so expect some death and violence involved, other than that not really much anything really. I know it’s been awhile since my last update but I hope to pick up the pace and post up some more stuff and then HOPEFULLY open up requests here since I know you all have been waiting patiently for that.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@ixchel-9275​

@psychosupernatural​

@queen-paladin​

_____________________________________________________________

It was finally over. All of it.  Voldemort was now dead, the Death eaters defeated, and now the Elder wand was destroyed and lost to the sea.  I looked towards the ruins of Hogwarts knowing that the stone and walls can be rebuilt, some of our friends would be able to heal their physical wounds, however some mental wounds won’t.

The Weasleys they’ll always have to live with Fred’s death for the rest of their life and grieve over the fact he’ll never come back, especially George.  I had seen just how close their brotherly bond was, even when they had nothing they had each other, now George was gonna have to make do on his own, if he could.

And Hermione, while she doesn’t want us to know I had a feeling at what she had done to protect her muggle parents, thankfully with her and Ron seeming to repair their growing relationship, I know the Weasley’s will welcomingly be the family she needs now more than ever.

As I walked along the school grounds that’s when I came across (Y/n) getting looked over by one of the healers.  When she looked towards me, she gently smiled and I smiled softly back at her thinking back on how I found her in all this chaos.

The battle was pure hell.  Spells and curses being blasted, bodies dropping like flies, and rubble from the school walls crumbling down as repercussions from the spells firing out.

I had pushed back a Death Eater with an Stupefy spell which sent him flying all the way across the Great Hall.  Another death eater soon came right at me but I quickly disposed of his wand first before giving him the paralyzing spell.

That’s when I heard it.  The sound of a young girl crying.  I quickly ran around the corridor and saw just down the stairs where I once found the Mirror of Erised, a young girl around maybe her 1-2nd year hovering over an older girl who looked almost like her but had longer hair.  The young girl with shorter hair was weeping hysterically as she kept crying.

“Liz? Lizzie. Get up sis. Oh please get up.” From the pale skin and the soulless eyes that Lizzie had, I knew immediately she had been hit with the Killing curse. Cautiously I walked over to her and said.

“Are you alright?” the young girl looked up at me and she sniffled.

“Yes. But my sister she—she won’t wake up yet her eyes are open.” Knowing how I hadn’t learned of the 3 unforgiving curses until my 4th year at Hogwarts, she must’ve not known what exactly happened to her sister.

“What’s your name?”

“(Y/n). (Y/n) (l/n).”

“Well (Y/n), I…….I’m afraid to tell you this but……..your sister’s—she’s dead.”

“What? No but….if she were dead her eyes would be shut, the spell that hit her just made her collapse. Like the paralysis spell.”

“But it wasn’t a blue light that hit her, was it?” she looked back down at her sister and touched her cheek.  “I’m afraid it was the most dangerous of all unforgiving curses. The Killing Curse.” She sniffled and hugged her sister’s corpse and choked out.

“But—she was…..she’s all I have left!” I looked around and two more Death eaters spotted us.

“Get behind me.” I urged (Y/n).  Without question she got behind me and I held out my wand and as they charged toward us I called out, “Stupefy!” which sent one Death eater flying backwards but then I felt a shock to my hand which sent my wand flying towards the second Death eater’s hand.  She sneered at me but then a voice exclaimed.

“Petrificus Totalus!” the female Death eater soon went stiff and fell to the ground.  I turned and saw that it was (Y/n) who had casted the curse.  I ran over and took my wand back from the witch and told her.

“Come on. We can’t stay here.” She took one last look at her sister.  I knew she was hesitant to leave her but if she remained here, she’d be a sitting duck.  “Your sister would want you safe (Y/n).” she turned to me and nodded before taking my hand and we raced out of the hallway.

Together the two of us worked together to fend off the oncoming Death Eaters, but one Death eater used an Inferno spell which burnt (Y/n)’s arm pretty bad.  I shielded her from the next oncoming Inferno attack but the heat of the flames was almost too strong for me to hold back.  That’s when a wave of water came and extinguished the flames and the Death Eater was flown backwards till his back hit a column and he collapsed dead.

We turned and there stood Professor McGonagall.

“Professor.”

“Harry, Ms. (L/n) are you both alright?”

“I am, (Y/n) however got burnt on her arm.” She walked up to us and she examined (Y/n)’s arm. She let out a painful hiss and the Professor said.

“I’ll take care of her from here Potter.”

“Thank you Professor.” Just as I was about to leave, I felt a hand grab the sleeve of my shirt and I saw that it was (Y/n).

“Thank you, Harry Potter.” I smiled down at her and nodded to her.  She released my sleeve and I ran off to finally end this once and for all.

I walked over to her just as the healer cleared her off and moved onto the next student that needed medical treatment.  I sat down beside her and asked her.

“How are you doing (Y/n)?”

“Shaky but—alive.” She softly scoffed.  “But at what cost? My sister’s dead. She was the only family I had left. Now the ministry will probably put me in the Magic for Orphans facility, and with me almost being a teenager, no one will want me.”

I was probably the only one who knew what she must be going through.  Even though we were orphaned in different circumstances, we still lost our loved ones to Voldemort.  Now I must be crazy because I had no clear idea of what to do next but what I did know was that I couldn’t leave (Y/n) alone anymore.

“What if—” I started off by saying.  “What if you…had someone to look after you?”

“But, but Harry I—I have no other living relatives. It’s always just been me and my sister since our parents died three years ago at the Quidditch world cup.”

“I know, but what if there was someone who wanted to help you out. Give you a home so that you wouldn’t have to suffer any potential abuse or neglect.”

“And just who would that person be?” I sighed softly before telling her.

“You’re looking at him.” Her eyes softly widened before she let out a soft gasp.

“But-but why? I mean no offense Harry but…..why would you want to help me out?”

“Let’s just say, from one orphan to another I know how lonely it can be. I had no clue about the magic world till I was just your age, and though I may not know how the Ministry of Magic deals with orphaned wizards, I do know a thing or two about living in terrible conditions. I lived practically my whole childhood in a tiny hall closet in my aunt and uncle’s place. And I wouldn’t want you to potentially go through that type of abuse in a stranger’s home.”

(Y/n) was silent for a moment, taking in what I just said.  Weighing out her options before thinking about what answer she would give me.

“If not I’ll understand, I’ll check in whenever I can. But just know you won’t go through the rest of your life alone.” She looked up at me.  Her eyes that were once filled with tears, but now filled with courage and strength as she said.

“If it won’t be too much trouble with you, I’ll go with you.” I softly smiled at her and told her taking notice of her robes.

“Spoken like a true Gryffindor.”

After that, the Weasley family, Hermione, myself and (Y/n) returned to the Weasley’s old home the Burrow and decided to rebuild it, a symbol as a fresh start to all our lives after this whole war.

We also had a memorial service for both Fred and (Y/n)’s older sister, each of us speaking for both Fred and (Y/n)’s sister before finally burying them and summoning a beautiful garden around them of their favorite flowers and plants.

As the sun was starting to set I saw (Y/n) still standing over her sister’s grave.  I walked out to her and said.

“Mrs. Weasley’s prepared supper for all of us. She says you best come in before it’s all gone.” (Y/n) remained silent.  I softly sighed and without another word I just stood there beside her.  She may not want to talk, but she should at least know that someone was there when she was ready.

“I—never thought I’d have to face this world without her. Even through our fights, especially after mom and dad died, she was always there for me. She especially liked to tease me about my crush on Joey Matarazzo, saying we’d get married one day and have kids of our own. Now she won’t ever see me grow up, or achieve any dreams I’ll have for the future.”

“Let me tell you something my Godfather once told me. He told me that the ones that love us never really leave us. And we can always find them, in here.” I pointed to her heart.

She looked up at me and finally for the first time I saw a true, genuine smile.  She came closer to me and wrapped an arm around my waist and rested her head against my ribs.  I wrapped an arm around her and we stood there for a few more minutes before walking back inside the Burrow to join the Weasley’s for dinner.

*FF 19 years later.*

It was like any other year, but this time it was my second son’s first time doing this.  I could already see from the look on his face that he looked anxious about his first year going as we came up to platform 9¾.

“Together.” I assured him as we took hold of his cart and we both ran straight through the brick wall and found ourselves right by the Hogwarts Express.  As we walked closer to the train, we soon found Ron and Hermione with their kids, I spotted Draco and his wife and son bidding their goodbyes.  He and I looked at each other, neither of us speaking a word but he gave me a point nod, and I nodded back to him.

“I was beginning to think I’d have to write my own brothers up for detention already.” A female voice soon spoke up and coming right towards us was (Y/n), all grown up and in her Professor robes.

Since the battle she continued on her Hogwarts education and excelled in both Magical creature knowledge and potions making.  By the time she was in her 4th year at Hogwarts, Ginny and I had agreed to legally adopt her as our own child and she was beyond thrilled at the news.  After graduating, she worked with me at the Ministry of Magic to focus on potion brewery before enrolling to be the next Potions Professor and this would be her second year teaching that class.

I’m told she’s kind but firm when it comes to students goofing off in that class, but she is always there to make sure no student messes up a potion and causes injuries either to themselves or others.

“Not in the slight.” I assured her.

“Good. I would hate to have to write them up to Headmaster McGonagall.” She told me.  She looked down at her brothers and asked them, “So boys, you ready?”

“Oh yeah!” exclaimed James while Albus was more reserved and didn’t really say anything. Instead he walked away and sat down with his arms hugging his legs close to him.  (Y/n) and I looked at each other and I told her to get James onto the train as well as herself while I talked to James.  She nodded and guided James as well as his things over to the train while I walked over to Albus and knelt down beside him.

“Dad,” he spoke. “What if I am put in Slytherin?”

“Albus Severus Potter. You were named after two Headmasters of Hogwarts. And one of them was a Slytherin. And he was the bravest man I had ever known. But if it means to you, you can choose Gryffindor. The sorting hat does take that into consideration.”

“Really?” I nodded. “But how would you feel? If I was sorted into Slytherin?”

“Then Slytherin will have gained the best wizard they could ask for.” He smiled and embraced me and I hugged him back.  “Now come on, off you go.” We then walked towards the train and Albus got himself situated inside with his brother and Ron and Hermione’s kids, and riding alongside them to keep an eye on them to Hogwarts was (Y/n).

As I stood by my friends and we watched the train leave the station, waving goodbye to our kids I couldn’t help but feel like we had done it.  The war ended almost 2 decades ago and now our children can learn magic in a better world, a world without Death Eaters, a world without darkness and death, a world without a Dark Lord.

A peaceful time in our world.

[mk-wizard]

Fan Theories: Aunt May (Sam Raimi version) Figured Out That Peter Is Spider-Man

Hello, everyone.

And yes, I don’t just do Transformers theories. I delve into all theories about things that interest me. And today, I want to concentrate on a theory on one of the most iconic comic book mother figures May Parker who is more famously known as “Aunt May” who is Peter Parker / Spider-Man’s aunt and adoptive mother. Specifically, my favourite movie incarnation of her which is the one from the Sam Raimi films.

So the theory involving her is whether Aunt May ever figured out that Peter Parker is Spider-Man or not? Well, I think she absolutely did and I have evidence. Note that if you have not seen the Sam Raimi Spider-Man films, there will be tons of spoilers ahead.

We start at the first movie where I think she just merely had a hunch, but no solid evidence. You must recall that in these films, Spider-Man’s webs are organic meaning they come directly out of his body from his wrists not from any mechanized web shooters so we can rule out her ever finding any web cartridges or the shooters by accident in his room. However, it is not uncommon for moms (or mother figures) to feel the urge to spruce up their kid’s room a little. I speak from experience from my own mother and being one myself as sometimes, we need to vaccuum or pick up that lone sock or underwear our child always seems to forget in their room. Hey, the rules of boundaries only 70% applies to us moms, but I digress... before he donned the suit and was coming up with ideas for the one he would only wear for the wrestling match, she might have come across some of his concept art.

If she saw the drawing of the iconic blue and red suit, and then one day saw a guy swinging around New York donning it, she would most likely put two and two together that Peter had a connection to Spider-Man at least. Also, even if she didn’t, May was already suspicious of Peter since even back in the early stages of adjusting to his powers and before the death of Uncle Ben, she noticed that Peter was being strange. It is also possible that she may have caught a glimpse of Peter’s wrestling attire. Keep in mind that he wasn’t a vigilante yet and didn’t have the same sense of urgency to hide the suit from her . I’m sure he still tried to hide it because she would not approve of him wrestling, but not with the same amount of effort he did his Spider-Man suit. If you recall, he kept that one under lock and key or with him at all times.

In other words, she might have seen the wrestling attire and/or the drawings and became suspicious that Peter had a connection to Spider-Man, but that is as far as things go for now.

The second film is where I am 95% sure she has figured out her nephew IS Spider-Man and I can even pinpoint the two moments that served as evidence to the viewers as well as her.

During the famous scene where Dr. Octopus robs the bank, Peter runs away abandoning Aunt May which she herself vocally expresses her despair at his coldness meaning this is out of character for him, then the very next moment, Spider-Man comes in to save her being at the right place and right time. The entire heist leads to the events of Dr. Octopus taking May hostage and duking it out with Spider-Man. During all of this, May heard Spider-Man talking quite a few times. I am absolutely sure she recognized Peter’s voice or at least began to process that Spider-Man’s voice sounded like his when she was safe and calm. After all, she raised him so she of all people would recognize his voice better than anyone else.

I think the moment where she absolutely pieced everything together was when Peter confessed what really happened the night Ben Parker died and confessed that he was really as the wrestling match instead of the library. Aside from being very shocked that he kept this from her, I think something else hit her... the detail about him winning the match, not getting paid and then allowing the manager to get robbed and let the thief get away; this detail tells everything. How would a small fry like Peter have any chance at winning a wrestling match where even the amateurs are pumped? And yet, he did meaning Peter is indeed strong enough to take on a wrestler and there is only one person in New York who can do that; Spider-Man. Moreover, Peter revealed that he let the thief get away and this same thief wound up murdering Ben; this is a personal detail which would also serve as a motive for why Spider-Man came to be. When you put that all together as well as her remembering the drawings and the proto-suit, she figured out that her nephew is Spider-Man.

I am convinced that she figured it out because of how she acted after. Instead of acting hurt and angry, she acted shocked and looked like she was processing everything. I think that she was more shocked that he was Spider-Man than anything else, but didn’t know how to react to it hence why she just left the room. It also explains why she is so warm to him the next time she sees him. She has taken the facts in and now understand Spider-Man’s (Peter’s) motive for being a hero. May is unable to be mad at him because she knows he is serving a penance on his own time and is done a lot of good since then. Also, May is just a good person like that. She wouldn’t blame Peter for Ben’s death. If anything, she has become more compassionate to him than ever about always trying to do everything and seems to emphasize more than ever that he cannot do everything nor should he keep trying to. There is also the fact that since that moment, she has been giving him very wise monologues that are deep, but also very strange to say to an average Joe. May’s famous “I believe there’s a hero in all of us” speech was really her way of trying to subtly tell Peter to get back on the horse and be Spider-Man again because he made a difference in New York.

With all of this said and done, it raises the question; why didn’t May outright admit to Peter that she knew his secret? Well, number one, I think she knows Peter would just deny it so she didn’t want to waste her time. Also, May isn’t stupid. She has seen the threats Spider-Man faces and knows that if she goes around saying it openly, who knows who else could be listening? Also, she has the sense and respect to accept that this is not her secret to go around telling not even to the secret keeper in this case Peter. It is like finding out your kid is gay; it doesn’t change anything and you still love them regardless, but that doesn’t mean you should go around saying it. This is their personal detail and a good parent doesn’t go around airing out their kid’s laundry. It’s disrespectful and a huge breach of trust. Like I said, the rules of boundaries only apply to moms by 70%, but the thing about not going around telling your kid’s secrets or confronting them about them before they tell them to you still applies unless it is an emergency.

Anyway, this is just what I think and I want to know what you all think. Do you agree that this version of Aunt May found out that Peter is Spider-Man and just isn’t telling?

Let me know and thanks for reading.

[writingwithacupoftea]

A family reunited

Summary: Shelby family dinners always bring some drama with them...but none of the brothers expected their sister, Y/N, to join them. After all, she had been missing for 5 years.

Word Count: 3147

A/N: First time writing a fic with a word count over 3000, baby!!! All of the brothers are actually in this but, let’s be honest, Tommy always gets more attention in my writing than anyone else. Let me know what you think of this one, and enjoy!

Part 2

Sometimes you can be better off not knowing the truth. Because the knowing the truth can make your worst nightmares an inescapable reality. A reality that can bring everything crashing down around you.

And that's how the Shelby clan felt about knowing the fate of their sister, Y/N.

Y/N Shelby was 23 when the war began, one year Tommy's junior. Before her brothers left for France, she left them with the promise of having their Mother's favourite sponge cake waiting on the table for them when they got back. She would have to save her money and actually figure out how to make it, but Y/N swore that she'd do it (somehow, even if it did turn out to be an atrocity).

But when the boys stepped through the door of the Shelby residence again in 1918, there was no cake waiting for them. It had been four years, they reasoned, maybe she'd forgotten. Even that didn't seem to sit right with the brothers, however - Y/N always kept her promises, no matter when they were made.  

It was like a dark cloud was looming over the house, but none of them could see what had caused it. Something wasn't right at number 6 Watery Lane.

After embracing Polly and Ada, who had tears flowing down their faces at the mere sight of them, Tommy immediately asked where Y/N was. Their silence had told him everything. Not waiting for an explanation, Tommy stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.  

It was no secret that Y/N and Tommy shared a close bond; they always had each other's backs and always made time for each other. Despite there only being one year between them, Tommy was especially protective over Y/N, as he didn't want anything to happen that might risk her leaving him alone. He couldn't cope without her, for Y/N was both his rock and his light, even though she carried her own darkness with her.

It was dusk when Tommy finally returned, wanting answers. Polly simply presented him with the letter that had been left for herself and Ada on the night that Y/N vanished, for that was all she knew. It said that she had to go away for a while, to not tell Tommy, John or Arthur as she didn't want to worry them, and that she'd be back home as soon as she could. The letter was dated back to 1916. Two years ago. And no one had heard anything from her since.

Tommy refused to look up at his family after reading the letter over and over again, not wanting them to see the tears that glazed his cold blue eyes. He grabbed his bag (effectively hiding the shaking that had taken over his hands) and mumbled something about going to unpack, before retreating straight up to his bedroom, actively avoiding the pitiful looks being sent his way.

The only other time the family saw Tommy that night was when he walked through the parlour and back out of the front door again. They assumed that he was going down to Charlie's yard, where Y/N and Tommy always went together to talk. It was their special place, for they both possessed a deep-rooted love for horses and always found themselves wandering back to their Gypsy roots. When they were both younger, the siblings would be out for days on end riding in the open air. What a distant memory that was now.

According to their uncle, Tommy didn't leave the yard until the sun was fully risen the next morning.

***

Y/N Shelby had been well known to the Birmingham Police from a young age: she had a, quite frankly, remarkable ability to escape the officers no matter how tight of a spot she had managed to get herself into. She was a listener, and had an impressive memory for information that could be of use at some point in the future. Her brain, in combination with her physical abilities to slip away from or outrun trouble, made her an absolute nightmare for the coppers of Small Heath.

She built up such an impressive reputation that, during the war, she had been asked to put her talents to good use. Y/N was recruited as a spy by British Intelligence, and went undercover in Germany to retrieve vital information which ultimately helped the Allies to win the war.  

It was an opportunity that she would never have been able to resist. Her brothers had always treated her as an equal when it came to the family business (although Tommy was sometimes unwilling for her to take part in certain activities); it had annoyed her immensely when they went away to fight and she couldn't do anything to help.  

(She had tried to become a nurse with Ada, but was also kicked out because she couldn't stop laughing when her sister had started laughing).  

But this was her way around it and, as far as she was aware at the time, her brothers would never have to know about her dangerous escapades.

However, not even Y/N Shelby was the perfect criminal or spy. In the March of 1918, she had been on the verge of completing her latest mission when the plan had gone awry. Instead of using her limited time to escape, she had ensured that the information she had gained was communicated properly to her associate. This decision left her with an open police case in Germany, and Y/N was forced to go into hiding.  

As that fact hit her, only one word came to mind: shit.

***

For a year after returning home Tommy searched for Y/N, and turned up nothing. She seemed to have disappeared without a trace. His desperation fuelled his ambition: Tommy wanted to make it big, not just for money but for status and connections. This, he hoped, would provide the opportunities to dig deeper and give him access to speak to the right people, so that he could find out where his younger sister was.  

Because despite the slight shadows that lurked in the back of his mind, he clutched onto his conviction that Y/N was still alive somewhere. He didn't believe in much these days, but he would always believe in his sister.

But in 1920, even Tommy was starting to have his doubts, though he refused to admit them or accept them. His search was beginning to become futile and none of his fucking contacts had been able to turn up everything.  

And so Tommy began to spiral further and further downwards, for Y/N wasn't there to stop it and he didn't have the strength to do it alone.

By the time 1921 had rolled around, the family had pretty much given up all hope that their sister was still alive. However, none of them wanted to be told that harsh truth. What they didn't realise, though, was that it couldn't be further from the truth.

***

Polly Gray wasn't a woman to be easily shocked. She had seen and done too much in her time for that.

Having been settled in her new house (courtesy of Thomas) for a few weeks now, she knew exactly who had her new address – she had only given it to the people that she actually wanted to hear from and knew that they weren't a threat. So, when she didn't immediately recognise the writing on the front of an envelope, worry took over her. However, upon closer inspection of the handwriting, she stopped. Polly knew that writing, but she couldn't believe what she was seeing. She ripped the envelope open, and what was contained in that letter shocked her more than anything that had happened over the last three years:

Polly,

DO NOT SHOW THIS LETTER TO ANYONE OR TELL ANYONE ABOUT WHAT IT CONTAINS. It's not sensitive or anything, I just want to keep it a surprise. A secret between us girls, just like the old days (I've written to Ada as well).

As you can probably tell, it's Y/N, and I'm alive and well. I'll explain more when I get home - I'm on my way back to Birmingham now.

By the time you get this, I'll be arriving in two days' time. I'll come to the address that I posted this to, I know that's your fancy new home. Then, how about we organise a little family get together? You know I've always been one for the dramatics (although I promise me disappearing off for 5 years wasn't completely intentional).

I can't wait to see you again soon; I've missed you all so much.

All my love,

Y/N Shelby xxx

(P.S. in case you don't believe that I am who I say I am, I've enclosed my Mother's necklace that Tommy gave to me on my 16th birthday, to prove my identity.)

And there the necklace was, sat at the bottom of the envelope. Silent tears began to roll down Polly's face and a smile, as big as the day that Michael returned to her, brightened her features.

Y/N Shelby was coming home. And, boy, were those two going to have some fun telling her brothers...

***

The day that the 30-year-old turned up on Polly's doorstep was a blur of tears, hugs and gin.  

Y/N had been introduced to Michael, who they couldn't really avoid because he lived there, but who was more than happy to keep their secret. Just being with Polly again made her realise that she was finally home.  

Whilst Y/N already knew a lot about what had happened since she left, having kept tabs on the family through her various contacts while she was away, the next day Polly helped to fill in some of the gaps in her knowledge. Polly also told her about how torn up Tommy still was about her absence, and it was enough to nearly send Y/N running straight to him. But then her aunt reasoned that it was probably better for Thomas to pass out in shock in her home, where they could set up lots of cushions as a crash pad, as oppose to on the hard streets of Birmingham.

And so the planning commenced. It was decided that Polly would host a dinner for the whole family, telling everyone that she needed to put her new house to good use, and that they could combine it with a proper welcome for Michael.

As the day drew nearer, Y/N could feel butterflies in her stomach constantly. Her excitement at seeing her whole family again was almost overwhelming. Yet she dreaded having to tell them all the truth about her prolonged disappearance.  

But, honestly, the excitement won over her nerves every time.

***

When Y/N heard her brothers' voices booming through the house, she had never been more grateful that she was running late in getting ready (as usual) and didn't have her makeup on yet. She hadn't been able to stop the tears falling from her blue eyes as the familiar sounds of her family's squabbling travelled up the stairs like music to her ears.

Everything was ready for the night that she had dreamed of for nearly three full years.

Fuck, I'm still in my pyjamas, Y/N realised, and hurried about getting ready.

Having memorised where the creaky steps were earlier that day, Y/N creeped down the stairs silently, clad in the most gorgeous midnight blue dress that she had ever seen. When she looked in the mirror, with her makeup on and hair done, she had realised how much she had grown up since she last saw her family.

But she had no time to think about that now, for it was nearly her moment.

Lingering in the doorway with a glass of champagne, and sending Polly a wink, she felt her heart rate shoot up as her aunt stood up with her own glass.

"Now, before we have dessert, I'd like to make a toast." She paused, looking around the table, her own happiness threatening to overflow. "To family."

"To family!" The brothers and Michael chorused.

Stepping into the light and leaning against the doorframe, completely unnoticed by her siblings, Y/N waited until the noise had died down before gently repeating the toast: "To family."

***

It felt like time had stood still.

Arthur, John and Finn's heads whipped around to see where the voice came from. Tommy had frozen completely, tensing up as he heard his sister's voice for the first time in seven years.

"Y/N/N?" Arthur whispered, not believing his eyes.

"Hello boys," Y/N said with a smile and a teasing glint in her eye. "Did you miss me?"

John stood up slowly and made his way towards her, and Y/N stretched her hand out towards him after putting her glass down. Her little brother tentatively placed his hand in hers, and she squeezed it, reassuring him that she was really there. She saw a couple of tears form in his eyes, though he refused to let them fall. John started to laugh, wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted Y/N up, spinning her in circles and hugging her tightly. Still laughing, he exclaimed "Oh my fucking God!" and placed her down on the ground.

Y/N was next almost knocked flying with a hug from Finn, who buried his head into the crook of her neck as he cried silently. "Look at you, eh! Almost as big as me now, aren't you?" Y/N placed a soft kiss on the top of her youngest brother's head and rubbed his back soothingly. Over Finn's shoulder, she saw Arthur approaching her, seemingly lost for words. His hand cupped her cheek as he ran his thumb over it, before finally saying "Now what sort of time do you call this, young lady?" Y/N collapsed into giggles as Arthur placed a rough kiss to her forehead.

As Finn and Arthur pulled away, Y/N's eyes found the only brother who hadn't yet greeted her and who she was the most anxious to see. Tommy still hadn't moved, his eyes fixed firmly on the table in front of him, but Y/N could tell that they were cold.

"Tom?"

There was silence. After what felt to Y/N like a lifetime, Tommy spoke quietly and slowly. "I don't want to look up and find that you're not really here. That this is all in my head. I don't think I could bear it." His voice cracked slightly as he uttered the last sentence and, for the first time since the war, the family saw their brother's vulnerability as clear as day. It was a stark contrast to the Tommy Shelby that they'd gotten so used to being around.

Y/N cautiously walked over to her beloved elder brother, as if he were a spooked horse, and lowered herself into the seat beside him. She observed his eyes flit over to her as the chair creaked, so quickly that if she had blinked at the wrong moment she would have missed it. She smiled gently at Tommy. "Well I'm afraid you're going to be stuck with me for a while now, Tom, so you'd better start getting used to having me around again."  

As Y/N gently placed her hand on top of his, Tommy's entire body relaxed and at the same time something ignited in him. He felt alive for the first time since the war, and yet so at peace at the same time.

Suddenly, Tommy grabbed her hand in his, pulled Y/N to her feet with him and brought her into a bone-crushing hug. A thousand emotions and lost words were communicated in that one embrace, in that one moment, even. Tommy clung to his sister like she would vanish again if he loosened his grip. It was only when she whispered "I'm here now, Tom" in his ear as he stroked her hair that he relinquished his hold on her.

Tommy pulled away only slightly from Y/N and held her face gently in his hands. "My sweet girl," he breathed, a small smile gracing his lips. Y/N brought her hand up to his and held it there, the sibling simply enjoying the moment of being together again, tear tracks staining both of their faces.

The silence was broken by Arthur, who gruffly announced: "I need another fucking drink." The whole family started to laugh, the reality of the event finally sinking in.

"Yeah, you pour us all another drink, Artie, while I go and get your pudding." Y/N skipped towards the door.

"Y/N/N we don't fucking care about pudding now, you dick, just get back here now," John shouted after her.

"Bloody hell, no need to shout, John boy, I'm only going round the corner." She leaned around the doorframe, making sure to keep one hand on it to reassure Tommy. "Anyway," Y/N continued, "I've got to give you three your coming home present!"

"Our coming home present?" Arthur chortled.

"Yes," Y/N replied, matter-of-factly. "I believed I promised you lot cake" and she entered holding a cake exactly like their Mother used to make.

The three eldest brothers simply smiled fondly at their sister, shaking their heads.

***

An hour later, the family were all crowded into Polly's living room, having consumed the entire dessert. The gramophone was gently playing music in the background, as no one had bothered to take the record off once Arthur and John had finished dancing with their sister (they had claimed that they needed their toes stepping on to bring them back to reality).

The Shelbys and Grays spent some rare time together as a family that evening. No fighting, no arguing, no business: just talking and reminiscing and laughing.  

But now the night was drawing to a close. Finn had fallen asleep, the overwhelming emotions of the evening having finally caught up to him. Arthur and John were drunkenly singing in the corner of the room, yet they occasionally looked over at their sister, wanting to check that she was still there. Tommy simply felt complete again. For once his silence did not come from an attempt to conceal his true emotions, there was no point in trying that again tonight; he was just cherishing the moment, wanting it to last forever.

As for Y/N herself, she couldn't remember ever feeling so content before. She felt like she was on cloud nine, curled up to Tommy's side as they sat on the sofa together, watching the flames dance around in the hearth. His arm was around her shoulders, holding her close to him, and every now and again Y/N felt him place a soft kiss on the top of her head.

She knew that she had a lot of explaining to do. But that could wait until the morning. For now, they were a family reunited, and none of them could wish for anything more.

[shreddedparchment]

Tamales and Christmas Lights

12/21/2020

Pairing: Steve x Mexican American Reader          Word Count: 6,838

Warnings: light smut, talks of having kids, language, drinking

A/N: This is the first time I have ever written anything for a specific type of reader. I don’t usually write for a specific race or ethnicity because I can’t speak as to the intimacy of living in that person’s shoes. By this I mean more of a family life. I’m eager to learn but for now, I will write what I know and that is a reader of my own background. I hope I don’t alienate anyone too much and that you all enjoy the story for what it is. There is a bit of Spanish in this one, but so long as you read all of the dialogue what is said is explained in English shortly after. Anyway, I’m SUPER nervous about this one, and it’s a little on the short side but I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks for your support! xoxo

“What do you do for the Holidays?”

Steve stiffens for a moment beneath you, bringing your gaze up to his sleepy face.

It’s so late and he’d only just got in an hour ago. Probably on the verge of sleep when you’d asked your quests.

“What?” There’s stress in his eyes and you’re sorry to interrupt the peace of the moment.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” He rubs your shoulder, large hands trying to coax you back down onto his chest where you’d been laying with your head cradled underneath his chin.

“You’re lying. And you haven’t answered my question.”

Steve sighs and shakes his head, “Nothing. That’s what I do for the Holidays. I don’t do anything. I should probably change that since Buck is finally back. But I think I overheard Sam making plans to drag him to some party and I’m not up for that.”

“Oh…” You deflate, laying your head back on his chest but he notices the disappointment in your voice and he pushes you up again.

When you don’t move, he forces himself up, pulling back until he can rest against the headboard of your bed. You’re also made to sit up but Steve leans forward to guide you close to his body so that you’re practically straddling him.

“What did you have in mind? That wasn’t an empty oh.” He notices.

You shake your head, suddenly terrified to bring it up.

“Come on, baby, don’t leave me wondering. I’ll assume the worst.” He reminds you.

You smile, appreciating the way he reaches up to grab your chin and give your head a little shake. You probably shouldn’t like it but you love the way he makes these small gestures of possessiveness over you.

There’s something feral within you that purrs into submission when he claims you so openly. You’re his. Heart and soul. He knows it already even though it’s only been a few months of being together.

You fist his white shirt, wrinkling it as you pull him closer and kiss him sweetly despite the aggression in your hands.

There’s just something about him that makes you want to just squeeze him! Like that feeling you get when you see a tiny puppy or kitty and you just wanna hug it and squeeze it and love it to death.

He huffs a small laugh at your reaction, though he doesn’t understand it.

“What was that for?”

You lick your lips, kissing him once more before leaning back and releasing his poor shirt.

“You know you’re mine, right?” You ask him, eyes fixed on his pretty face.

You’re not a fan of the bruising around his left cheekbone, but the rest of him is just as perfect as ever.

“And you’re mine,” he assures you. “And if anyone tries to take you away…”

The implications are tantalizing but you don’t linger there. You laugh and shake your head, turning to the windows of his room to watch the heavy snowfall.

It’s freezing outside. It makes you shiver and you pull yourself closer to Steve, wrapping your arms around him by hooking them underneath his own. You ball yourself up in his lap as best you can and rest your head against his chest again as his own arms come back around you, large hands splayed out on your back as he rubs it to give you warmth and comfort.

“Why did you ask me about the holidays, babe?” he presses.

“I want to take you home with me,” that’s the truth. “My grandma has been asking me when I’m going to get married and maybe if they see I have a big strong boyfriend she and the rest of my aunts will leave me alone.”

Steve huffs another laugh, “Are they seriously asking you when you’re getting married?”

“Yeah,” with a nod, you push up again despite being completely at peace in Steve’s arms. “They’ve been asking since I graduated high school.”

“That’s odd,” he observes and you can see how it might be to others. “It’s always been like that in my family. My grandma got married when she was seventeen. Same for my mom. Had kids pretty quickly too. So, they’re kinda waiting for me to do the same. Because getting married and having kids is what I’m supposed to do.”

“Do you want to get married and have kids?” Steve’s hands stroke your hips, a small movement of passive affection.

He’s eager to give you all the touch you want in private but you know to keep things a little more tame in front of others. Steve isn’t big into the P.D.A.

“Eventually I guess. I don’t know. It’s not a question I feel like I need to answer right now. I’m a little more sure about the marriage than the kids but I’ve got lots of time to think about it.” you shrug.

“Yeah, we’ve got lots of time,” he asserts and your heart shoots into your throat, stomach twisting with fluttering wings that make it feel like you’re doing somersaults.

“We?” you smile, despite yourself.

“I wanna marry you eventually, I thought you knew that?”

“No,” you laugh.

“Oh, well now you know.”

“You can’t just spring that on me, Steve!”

He laughs now, hooking his hands behind your knees and yanks you closer. You’re right on him, and as you settle, you feel a familiar stirring between your bodies as the exhaustion of the mission wears off and his eagerness to show you how much he missed you becomes obvious.

“I think I just did,” he teases. “If you want to take me to meet your family, I am more than happy to come along. We have been together almost a year, it’s about time I think.”

“A year?” you gasp, realizing that it hasn’t been a few months after all.

Time with Steve is so much like a dream that it feels like it’s passed in the blink of an eye.

“Yeah, we hooked up in that closet off the shooting range on New Year’s Eve, remember?”

“Okay, first of all, hooked up? You’re spending too much time with Sam and Bucky.”

Your face heats up, neck burning and ears probably hot to the touch as the memory of you half drunk finding Steve alone in that shooting range.

You’d confessed recklessly and Steve had practically tackled you into the wall when he’d realized you were serious, despite being tipsy.

The frenzy that had followed that first kiss had been uncontrollable and he’d maneuvered you both into the bathroom and then pounded into you with you pinned between him and the counter.

You can still remember the shock of cold smooth concrete under your naked butt.

The next day, Steve had sought you out to tell you that he liked you too and that he wanted to take you out properly and that he was sorry for letting himself get out of hand the night before.

You responded by accepting his invitation but then luring him into your bedroom to ride him until he was breathless and groaning with satisfaction and you were twitching from reaching a third climax.

Your love with Steve has always been rooted in a very physical connection but over time, the emotional depth has increased exponentially and you’re best friends now, as well as lovers.

Now he’s here, remind you of that very beginning and telling you that it’s time to meet your family?

“You don’t have to go, Steve. My grandma will probably ask you a million questions and the rest of my family will be just as nosy and loud. We can get kind of rowdy when we get all together.”

The last thing you want to do is chas him off with an overbearing family, but at the same time...you love them! If he’s going to be in your life, he needs to accept them too, right?

What if he can’t? What will that mean for the two of you?

“Growing up it was just me and my mom,” Steve explains, stroking the length of your arms. “A big family is just what I need, I think.”

You watch him as he leans forward, his lips finding that stupid spot on your neck that always makes you melt.

As his tongue darts out, tracing a small circle, you absolutely collapse against him, arms wrapping up around his shoulders loosely, eyes very slightly rolling into the back of your head.

“Are you sure?”

“So sure,” he whispers, the heat of his breath raising goosebumps on your skin.

He pulls you down against his stiffened cock and you moan as he throws you back onto the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Stop, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Steve urges, reaching over to place his hand in yours so that you can stop pulling and tugging at your own fingers.

“I’m nervous,” you admit, staring at the peach colored house with bright red trimming around every window and the bright red doorway. It’s absolutely covered in lights, twinkling in different colors. Traditional tiny lights but then around the tree in the front yard are huge bulbs, green, blue, yellow, and red.

They’re novelty lights? You’re not sure if that’s what they are, but you find them silly. Your grandpa’s idea probably.

Your grandmother’s house hasn’t changed one bit since you were little. The only thing that changes are the cars parked along the street, the large rose bushes along the front porch are bare.

Several green hard plastic chairs line the front wall angled oddly as someone had most likely been sitting there last night. Aunts and uncles, your mom and dad probably talking late into the night.

Even sitting in the car, with the engine idling, doors shut tight, you can already hear one of your aunts laughing her head off inside the house. The shouts of kids playing also reach your very normal ears. Steve must be able to hear everything.

“Do you think they won’t like me?” Steve worries, and now it’s your turn to turn and soothe his nerves.

“Oh, no, Steve. That’s not why. I know they’ll love you. I’m just afraid of what they’ll say. Or that they’ll smother you. I haven’t exactly told anyone in my family that I’m dating anyone much less…”

The two of you never talk about his official title. Who he is. Even though he’s retired in many ways, he’s still the first. Sam might be Captain America now, but everyone knows Steve as the original Captain America. There isn’t a person on this planet that doesn’t know who he is.

Normally, it doesn’t matter. To you, he’s just Steve Rogers. Super soldier, for sure, but just a man that swept you off your feet with his sweetness and kindness and okay, those damn shoulders and his ass is biteable. But he’s just Steve!

Your family will see the title first, you’re sure of it. They’ll see Captain America.

“Are they not big Captain America fans?” his teasing is gentle and innocent.

“Steve!” you shut your eyes and chuckle, “ I’m seriously so worried.”

“I can take it, hon. I’m a big boy. Come on, let’s get in there. I wanna meet your grandma.”

Suddenly he throws his door open and steps out of the car, shutting it off as he goes.

“Wait!” you gasp, scurrying to get out with him. 

You scamper around the car until you’re beside him and take hold of his hand. He pulls you towards the door confidently but you let go of his hand and rush forward before he can reach it.

Fixing your hair, you push the door open and are immediately assaulted by the smell of spicy menudo. It makes your mouth water. The smell of spices and pine sol. Fabuloso is mixed in there too, your mom’s idea to mix the two cleansers together and use them to make a unique smelling concoction that gets the linoleum floors cleaner than if you used one or the other.

The low sofas are covered in shining clear plastic, no doubt put in place by your grandma just before all the family began to arrive. The flat screen is decorated with a simple green garland, beside the TV console is a low table where the remote sits on a lace doily, underneath in a wooden pocket are several magazines and underneath the pocket on the base of the table sits a blue round tin of butter cookies that no doubt has all of your grandma’s sewing things instead of the treats it promises.

The house isn’t big. In fact, it’s on the small side. The large master bedroom is situated at the back of the house along with the bathroom, past the kitchen where you can see the light on all of your aunts sitting around the table exchanging their respective chisme and keeping their hands busy with something you can’t see.

From the hallway to your right where the only two guest rooms are located along with a second half bath come running two of your younger cousins. They’re children still, your youngest Tia’s kids.

They don’t even notice you as you stop walking, choosing to run instead towards the back door in the distance past the kitchen, master bedroom, and bathroom.

One of your other aunts, the second oldest, turns her head as they run behind her.

“Que chingaos les dije?! Stop running in and out or I’m gonna kick your asses!” She yells at them, but the kids ignore her and disappear through the door. It slams shut behind them.

“Lulu, no les puedes decir algo?! They keep running in and out of here like wild animals.” Your second eldest aunt demands.

“They’re just playing, leave them alone.” Your Tia Lulu waves her sister off.

To your right you finally notice the centerpiece of the living room, a huge christmas tree with red, blue, and green glass ornaments. The lights are white, twinkling in different patterns, tinsel covering every branch to an obscene amount. At the top sits an old porcelain angel that your grandmother had once told you she’d received from her own grandmother and had actually been made in Mexico by some nun at an old church that had been knocked down a long time ago to make room for a cattle ranch.

The base of the tree is almost completely obscured by the dozens and dozens of presents from very large to very small. Each one is addressed to one or other member of the family. The kids especially all get gifts from each of your uncles and aunts.

You take another step towards the kitchen only to be stopped again as the restroom in the hallway to your right flushes and from inside it emerges your grandfather, buckling his belt as he lumbers out.

“Grandpa,” you call to him excitedly and he whips his head up then beams at the sight of you.

“Mijita bonita, cuando llegaste? Aye, chula…” His words fade out as he reaches you with his arms outstretched and pulls you into a quick tight hug.

His large hands pat you on the back several times before he kisses your cheek. He brings his hands to your shoulders and pushes you back a little to get a look at you.

“When did you get here?” he repeats, and gives your arms a squeeze.

“Just now,” you begin, but as you’d hugged your grandpa had turned you around and Steve moves in behind him.

He meets your eyes, shrinking a little, drawing his shoulders in to make himself smaller in the very normal person sized house.

“Grandpa, uh, I have um...this is my boyfriend, Steve,” with one arm extended you gesture towards the super soldier standing by the door.

“Steve?! ¿Trajiste un gringo?”

Your grandpa whips around, searching at average height level for the white boy you’ve brought and finds himself face to face with Steve’s chest.

He adjusts quickly, finding Steve’s face and with a gasp, he slams his hand over his heart and laughs.

“That’s Captain America!” he laughs.

The declaration brings the kitchen to a pause and like dominoes all of your aunts rise one by one, moving into the doorway of the kitchen to catch a glimpse at the commotion in the living room.

More gasps follow and soon you can’t hear yourself think as they all break into a cacophony of excited chatter.

Your Tia Lulu is the first to shove her way through, as she’s the youngest, she smiles at Steve flirtatiously before shoving your grandpa out of the way.

“Move aside, dad! Hello, hi. I’m Consuela but everyone calls me Lulu. You can call me sweetheart.” She throws out her tongue as she laughs, a clear joke but Steve good naturedly takes her hand and shakes it, a shy but kind smile on his handsome face.

“Oh my God, Tia, stop,” you plead.

“I’m just kidding, werca fregada. Don’t get your panties all in a twist.” She swats at you while your grandpa retreats to the sofa where he must have been sitting before, stuffing fives, tens, and twenties into envelopes for the kids.

Grandma and Grandpa never get anyone anything. They just put money in envelopes for the kids.

As your aunts file in, all five of them, you wait until Steve looks at you to bite your bottom lip and mouth a quick apology.

He shakes his head, setting your heart at ease as your aunts circle around him talking fast and occasionally asking him a question or two which he answers readily.

“A year.”

“I’m not sure.”

“Well, I’m not Captain America anymore.”

“Consulting mostly.”

“Yeah, I-I have my own place.”

“It’s a rental.”

Your aunts gasp at that in particular, “Ooh, it’s a rental. Those can be so expensive. Did you get the insurance?”

“Uh, well, no. I didn’t mean, it’s actually one of Tony’s-Stark. He had it set aside for us when he found out we were coming to visit.”

The madness reignites at the mention of Iron Man and as they plunge into more questions, your turn just in time as your mom makes her way over to you.

“Why didn’t you call me?” she wraps you up in her arms and you hug her back, holding it for a little longer than you normally would but you’ve been so stressed with bringing Steve here that you feel a relief wash over you not only because she’s there to help you, but to finally have it happening means you can stop the anticipation.

“I’m sorry, mom. I decided to get him down here super last minute and I kinda wanted it to be a surprise. Where’s dad?”

“He’s out back with your tios. Drinking already,” she shakes her head but there’s no surprise there from anyone. “They’ve got the pit going. Chicken and fajitas to go with the menudo.”

“It smells so freaking good,” you laugh.

“Is he really your boyfriend? How long has this been going on? How come you haven’t told me?”

The hurt in your mom’s voice is subtle but you hear it and lament it.

“I was going to tell you. Every time I called. But at first it was too new and then after that I just didn’t know how to explain it to you. I know you hate my job. Now I’m dating a former Avenger?”

It’s her turn to look apologetic.

“Mija, you could have told me. I do hate that you put yourself in harm’s way, but that’s your job. No mom is going to like that.”

She takes a moment to glance at Steve, then with a flick of her eyebrows and a quick nod in his direction, she scoots closer, “Isn’t he like super old?”

You laugh and nod.

“He’s older than grandpa,” She laughs with you as you whisper, Steve giving you two a quick glance.

“He doesn’t look it,” your mom admits.

A tiny upturn to the corner of his lip tells you he can hear everything you’re saying.

“Is it serious?” She asks, letting you steer her towards the kitchen as her probing continues.

Inside the kitchen you find the entire kitchen table cleared of the usual place mats and ceramic Jesus centerpiece to make room for the bowls of masa, cooked seasoned pork and chicken for the filling of what will be tomorrow’s tamales.

At the stove you see your grandma a well worn lime green apron tied tightly around her waist and neck, huddled over the very tall and large pot, stirring and adding seasoning to the murky russet soup inside.

“I hope that has lots of posole!”

Your grandma turns at your voice and her face lights up.

“Mijita, chula!” she gushes, rushing forward to wrap her arms around you and kiss your cheek with a loud smack.

“Hi, grandma, I missed you so much,” you realize, hugging her tight.

“Por qué no nos dijiste que ibas a venir? Werca, cabrona!” she smacks you hard and you laugh, holding her hands as she pulls back to look at you. “You need to eat more.”

“Grandma, I’m eating fine,” you laugh, amused by the direction her thoughts go.

“She brought a boy home, mom,” your mom gives you away, then sticks her tongue out at you as she replaces her mother’s place at the pot.

“Mom!”

“You brought a boy?” she’s ecstatic! “A boyfriend?”

“Yes, he’s a boyfriend.”

“What’s his name?” she starts wiping her hands on her apron, cleaning them up to meet Steve.

“His name is Steve.”

“Es un gringo?!” her exclamation of surprise is just like grandpa’s.

“Yes, he’s white, does it matter?”

“Pos, no. It doesn’t matter, as long as he’s nice to you. Is he good to you?”

“He’s the best, grandma. He insists on taking me out every Friday to eat and watch a movie.”

Well, every Friday that you or he aren’t on mission. And it’s such a small thing but you know it’ll make her happy to know that he takes you out.

“Ooh, that’s good,” she approves. “Does he have a good job?”

“He’s a consultant where I work.”

“With the Avengers?” she gasps.

“Yeah.”

“A consultant? What does that mean? Is he a nerd?”

You laugh, throwing your head back, “He’s the biggest nerd, though he’ll never admit it.”

“Well, andale, let’s go meet your boyfriend,” she pushes you towards the doorway and you make to lead the way. “Is it serious?”

She whispers the second question, though you know that Steve will be able to hear.

Is it serious? “I uh…”

“Ayt! Don’t you all have husbands?”

Saving Steve from your aunts, your grandma moves forward and pushes and pulls and slaps them away from him, shoving them back towards the kitchen.

“Esos tamales no se van hacer solos.”

“Ow, mom! Stop hitting us,” your eldest aunt Margarita frowns.

“Magge, no te da verguenza?”

“Why should I be embarrassed?! Have you seen her boyfriend? Steve, do you like older women?” your Tia throws back at him as your other aunts push past you, patting you in the back and whispering congratulations at your luck.

“Technically I’m older,” he calls and everyone looks at him, not talking, apparently in shock at the fact that he truly is over a hundred years old.

“Oh my God, your boyfriend is Captain America?!” your grandma realizes, turning to slap your shoulder lightly for not explaining yourself.

Everyone bursts into laughter, the chatter moving into the kitchen as you join the laughter, Steve smiling from ear to ear as your mom rushes back out, eager to meet him.

Grandma pulls him into a hug and he gently returns it, smiling politely as she gushes over how handsome he is and how tall and then getting angry at you for not feeding him before admiring the exquisite shape of his body.

“Your grandpa had a body like this when he was young, mija,” grandma assures you. “I don’t know what happened.”

“Probably all the tamales,” you tease and she smacks you gently again before laughing in genuine amusement.

~~~~~~~~~~

You can’t find Steve anywhere. The kids are all inside, watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in the living room, crowded around the flat screen with expressions that range from amusement to boredom.

Mostly it’s the older kids that are tired of the claymation film. They’ve seen it every year since they were old enough to sit up.

“Should I change it?” you wander in from the front, your Tias laughing as the door shuts behind you cutting the sound off.

One of the things you’d missed was the happiness that filled the house this time of year. Even though they fight like cats, it’s cats that are sisters and love each other deep down.

They always end up laughing again eventually. 

Your cousin Claudia sits up at your offer, “Yes! Put something else on!”

“No!” the littler ones revolt.

“Even if it’s Elf?”

You stop by the TV, remote already in hand and all of their eyes light right up.

“Okay, okay, put Elf!”

Their accents make you smile. Like you, they’d probably grown up speaking mostly spanish as a toddler and then as you’d started school, English had begun to push in as your default leaving you with a heavy accent for a few years.

Now it’s almost completely gone and only emerges when you shout angrily, or so Steve says.

As the opening narration begins, you catch Claudia’s eyes and give her the remote, “Have you seen Steve?”

“Captain America?” she smirks, getting a serious kick out of your choice of boyfriend.

But you’d also seen her all flustered when she’d met him. She thinks he’s hot and honestly, he is so you can’t blame her. At sixteen, she’s lost almost all of her bashfulness.

“Yes, Steve. Have you seen him?”

“He went out back with Tio, I think.”

“My dad?!” you gasp, already terrified of what they might be talking about.

“Yeah, he looked nervous. You should probably go save him from Tio’s interrogation.”

“Yeah, thanks,” you throw at her, already moving towards the back door in a hurry.

The inside of the house is toasty warm, especially with the tamales cooking and the menudo on low heat to keep it warm in case anyone wants thirds or fourths.

“Where are you going?” your mom asks as you pass by.

She’s sitting at the kitchen table, across from your grandma talking in hushed tones.

“To get Steve, Claudia said he was with dad.”

“Well, leave them alone, I’m sure he’s being nice.”

Your grandma laughs and you shove the door open and disappear back out into the chilly winter night.

Wrapping your arms around yourself to combat the chill that begins to set in, you scan the backyard and move past your tios sitting around the clearly diy firepit one of them had built for your grandparents, each one knocking back a beer in either bottle or can.

They’re not as loud as your tias but they’re still talking loudly, laughing and then arguing over the superbowl.

“No manches, guey. That linebacker doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. He should have stayed in Atlanta.”

You tune them out as you spot Steve and your dad standing by the table of barbecue a little further out by the back corner of the chain link fence.

Steve is standing with one hand on the tongs, flipping over some of the leftover chicken your grandma asked your dad to cook since someone will eat it eventually.

They’re talking, both in deep conversation until Steve smiles and seems to relax. Your dad, who stands at five feet, nine inches in height, has to reach up to clap Steve on the shoulder then smiles too, both of them turning their focus on the chicken.

“What the fuck?” you mutter, moving towards them with purposeful steps.

Both of them look up as you approach and immediately Steve hands your dad the tongs before moving towards you and peeling off his black leather jacket.

“Hon, why are you out here without a coat? It’s cold.” he says sweetly.

He can’t feel the temperature like you can but he can tell when you’re cold.

“Dad? What are you two doing out here?”

You’re so suspicious of your dad, worried he might be saying things to hurt Steve, but both of them look happy even.

“I’m showing him how we make the chicken,” your dad says innocently.

“Uh huh...sure you are.”

“He was,” Steve promises.

“I don’t trust you,” you say sternly, using one finger to point up into Steve’s ridiculously handsome face. “You’re just trying to suck up to my family.”

“Me?” he gasps, forced innocence on his face now too.

You narrow your eyes at both of them in turn, wrapping your arms around yourself again as Steve rubs them to try and warm you up.

“Come on, let’s go back inside,” Steve urges you, then turns to look at your dad. “Thanks for the lesson, Hector, I’ll keep it in mind for the future.”

“What lesson?”

“Never you mind, nosy. Come on, before you catch a cold.”

Steve sits you on the sofa once he’s got you inside and settles in pulling you against his side then kissing your temple before turning his focus on Buddy the Elf sitting in a bathroom singing with Zoey Deschanel as she showers.

“When did you sneak off to talk to my dad?”

Eyes narrowed, you watch him for any of his usual tells that he might be lying or hiding something from you.

So far, nothing.

“I didn’t sneak off. You were busy talking to your aunt and your dad invited to show me how to make the chicken. He was nice, serious about you. He wanted me to know that he’s got his eyes on me and if I hurt you all of your uncles will come find me and castrate me.”

He smiles wide, amused by this for some reason.

“It’s been a while since I’ve felt fear like that. Your dad really meant it.”

You’re not convinced but he reaches down to take hold of your chin and force you to look at him.

“Give me a kiss, pouty.” he requests.

How can you resist? You lean up and give him a quick kiss but then the kids say, “Ooooooh.”

You turn to them and throw Claudia a pillow but she laughs and catches it, leading the rest of them into giggles.

~~~~~~~~~~

The night grows older and everyone comes inside. As midnight approaches, the kids filter into their usual seats at the feet of their respective parents. Your six aunts and their husbands pile onto the sofas or linger in doorways, all attention diverted to the Christmas tree and the piles of presents underneath.

Your grandma and grandpa get center seating on the longest sofa, both of them ready with cash envelopes in hand for giving out as soon as the time comes.

Your dad on the other hand sits himself by the tree and while all of the adults talk amongst themselves, the kids are as quiet as they will ever be, little to teen eyes all trained on the pile of gifts.

“Mija, ven siéntate aqui. Magge, dale el asiento a tu sobrina,” your grandmother calls, waving you over to sit beside her.

Your aunt looks from your grandmother to you and then back, looking almost affronted by the request until your grandma gives her a face of deep annoyance.

Your aunt has a moment of realization, then sighs but begins to get up.

“No! Tia, it’s okay. I’ll stand. I’m alright here.”

“Don’t argue with me and get your butt over here,” your grandmother interrupts.

“She never sees you,” your tia reminds you. “Come sit here, I’ll sit on your tio’s lap.”

“Like hell you will, you wanna break my legs?”

“Callate lo sico, estupido imbecil,” she smacks him in the arm but then sits in his lap and he smirks as he wraps his arms around her waist.

Steve pushes you towards her, then leans down to kiss your cheek.

He knows you hate to leave him standing there.

“Go, sit with your grandma.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, of course babe. Go.” He kisses your cheek again then pushes you towards the sofa.

As you settle in, giving him another look of consideration, your grandma takes your hand and holds it gently plucking a smile from your worried expression.

“He’s okay, no one is going to take him from you.”

Not that you think anyone would, but it’s a common phrase among couples who are glued at the hip.

As your grandma’s old cuckoo clock chimes in midnight, your dad points at your cousin Claudia who gets up and quickly shuts off the living room light leaving all of you in the glow of the white twinkle lights.

As your dad begins to call out names, the kids scoot closer in excitement and watch as they’re each handed gifts after gifts.

Eventually the floor begins to fill with crumpled up wrapping paper and colorful bows and ribbon. Toys are yanked from boxes and the laughter begins to fill the room again.

Your aunts and uncles also get their names called and you don’t feel bad that your name is never called.

They had no idea you were coming and your Tia Magge leans towards you, “I’m sorry we didn’t get you anything, Mija. We didn’t know you were coming.”

“Oh, I know, Tia. It’s okay. I just wanted to see you all and bring Steve to meet you.”

As you gesture towards where you left him standing, you find him missing but think nothing of it as he might have just gone to the bathroom.

There are only two gifts left under the tree, one very large one which your dad calls out for your grandpa, and then he pulls a shoe sized box, wrapped in silver paper onto his lap but gestures at your grandma who lets go of your hand and begins to call names out and pass the envelopes with money to the kids.

Because you can’t stand sitting there any longer, the mess on the floor still growing, you get up and move into the kitchen.

Trash bag in hand you move back out to the living room and begin to stoop over and pick up the wrappings of all the presents exchanged tonight.

Your grandma calls out Claudia’s name and as the teen sits back down, your dad clears his throat.

“We have one more gift, and it’s for my beautiful daughter,” he says, shocking you into standing as he calls your name.

“Me?!” you gasp, completely in shock.

You hadn’t been expecting anything though you and Steve had definitely brought gifts for everyone.

Your gift had been the ability to see such bright smiles as they opened said presents.

“Here,” your dad holds it out and you let go of the trash bag as Claudia takes it from you.

With a quick wipe of your brow, you take the gift and look for a name so that you’ll know who to thank, but there’s no name.

“Open it!” One of the younger kids says with excitement.

“Yeah, rip it!” another urges.

“Rip it?” you chuckle, and rip it.

It is indeed a shoebox, but as you lift the lid and place it underneath, you find in the shoebox another box, slightly smaller, also sealed up tight this time in pink shiny wrapping paper..

“Oh my God,” you laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

You open that box too, tossing the wrapping paper to Claudia who tosses it for you as you find yourself staring at yet another box, wrapped in green snowflake paper.

“What the hell is going on here?” you laugh again, tearing it open and finding a smaller one.

This goes on and your family laughs at you as you open box after box after box, until finally the smallest box is the size of laptop charging block.

“How the hell does anyone even find a box this small?!” you gasp, shaking your head as your shoulders shake with laughter.

You tear the last box open, discarding the bright red paper then open the top to find a small black velvet bag with a drawstring pulled shut.

“Finally!”

Your exclamation brings laughter from the room and as you pull the bag open, you turn it over since the room is in semi-darkness and you can’t see in.

Onto your palm tumbles a silver ring. Sitting on top is an emerald cut diamond, solitaire, that glimmers in the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree.

“What the-?” you start, but from the hallway behind your mom emerges Steve, looking nervous as fuck.

He swallows hard as he walks towards you, stopping only when he’s right in front of you then slowly, as butterflies tumble violently in your lower belly, he kneels.

“Oh my God…” you whisper, too shocked to speak any louder.

He says your name, clears his throat because his voice shakes, and you smile, on the verge of laughing or crying. You’re not sure which.

“In just about a week we’ll have been together for exactly one year, but I’ve known since you pulled that bullet out of my a-my backside and called me a big baby for whining about it that you were the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

“Both of us work in a very dangerous job but I don’t think I know anyone else who is as brave or strong or sure of themselves as you. I wasn’t sure what to expect from life after I gave up being Captain America.

“Suddenly there were an infinite amount of possibilities ahead of me and yet, not once did I think that marrying anyone would be the path I’d take. I’d given up on love, on the chance of a normal life, but you’ve woken me up. You’ve pulled me out of my past and with you I can see that future we talked about the other morning.

“I see my life as your husband and father to our kids laid out in front of us and I can’t wait to get started. So, I guess, I just need to ask?”

Your family laughs, reminding you that you two are not alone.

“You’ve always said that if someone proposed to you, you wouldn’t want it to be in public and well, these people are your family so they’re not public. They represent a life I would very much like to be a part of. I’ve had no one for so long, I want this family, so will you marry me? Will you let me be a part of your family?”

You’re in shambles. You’re sobbing, smiling through the waterworks as your heart pounds so hard in your chest and all of the oxygen threatens to leave your brain.

“Yes!” you gasp, and the room explodes with cheers and applause.

Steve takes the ring and quickly slips it onto your finger before rising and pulling you flush against his body. He kisses you eagerly, laughing against your own lips as you kiss him back just as passionately.

As he pulls back, an audible smack snuffed out by the roar of excitement in the room, you search his eyes for any form of doubt.

There’s none.

“Is this what you were talking to daddy about? Asking me to marry you?”

“It was the right thing to do,” Steve explains, and you feel vindicated in your earlier suspicions.

“Jerk!” you smack his chest but he pulls you in for another kiss.

The two of you share in the moment for only one more second before your grandmother is pulling you two apart so that she can hug you and kiss Steve’s cheek. Your mom is also in tears, hugging you tight as your dad hugs you both, then shakes Steve’s hand before pulling him in for a quick hug.

There’s a terrifying POP that sends you and Steve ducking from instinct, but you find your grandpa holding up a bottle of champagne.

“¿Dónde está la música? Turn on the radio! Let’s celebrate!” He shouts, lifting the bottle to his lips.

As the kids spring up and split up throughout the household to play with their toys, your aunts and uncles begin to pair off, swaying and singing at the very top of their lungs as Feliz Navidad fills the room.

Steve makes his way back towards you, swerving past your excited family until he has his arms around you again, pulling you in close until he can sway you to the beat of the music.

“I’m guessing the party is just getting started?”

“Oh, babe, you just gave them the fuel to go until the sun comes up.”

Steve chuckles leans down to kiss you again, summoning an encore of cheers.

[joshslater]

Quarantine & VR

5500-word story, so I used the Keep Reading feature for once. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

“Are you sure you’re OK with this?”

We were slowly driving through an eerily empty city center from my student flat next to campus on one side of town to Ethan’s flat on the other, with all my belongings stuffed in the back of the U-Haul. Not that I had so much stuff we needed one. I just moved into the state right before the semester started, but it was the cheapest rental we could get. No one is going anywhere with this lockdown in effect. We barely had time to read the syllabus before everything screeched to a halt. You thought we’d know by now how to handle pandemics, but nooo.

“I wouldn’t have helped you clear out your shit if I wasn’t. Bit late to ask now.” “Yeah, but it seemed like the polite thing to do.”

Ethan turned towards me and spoke with a more serious tone. “I’m really happy to have you stay at my place. I think I would go mad staying alone. Go mad or go home, and I don’t think being locked up with the parents would be better.”

He was about as new in the city as I was, but his aunt had moved out of an old apartment last year and his parents had decided to take over the lease. Apparently it was even cheaper than the student apartments and much larger, but further away from campus. Though where it was in the city didn’t really matter as long as this lockdown was going on.

“Someone else is out at least”, I said indicating out the window. Across the street, a police officer with a navy blue face mask followed our truck with his eyes. Or her eyes I guess. Hard to tell in uniform and mask. I don’t know why, but I found it a rather good look. I hate the flimsy paper masks, but these form-fitted ones kind of make you look more badass.

“Do you think he looks sexy like that?” he asked, as if he had the same thought. “It’s a bit dystopian sci-fi, but that’s not to say it doesn’t look good.” “Take next right. The one after is one way.”

The apartment had two bedrooms, a large living room, decent bathroom and kitchen. Ethan’s aunt had left some furniture, but overall there wasn’t that much stuff. Makes sense as he had barely been here a month. That’s how he had a sparsely furnished extra bedroom for me to use. This was only the second time I had been in the apartment. Ethan forced me to have a look in person before he allowed me to agree to stay with him. Now standing there with all my belongings in the truck outside and my student flat lease canceled, I realized we really didn’t know each other. I studied corporate finance and he medical computer science, whatever that meant. When I asked he tried to explain that almost everything in a hospital now has a computer in it, and a ton of work went into things like volumetric renderings of MRI scans and somewhere there I started to tune him out.

There really weren’t any overlapping circles between us, we studied completely different subjects, he was active in computer games and health, I was trying to get into the writing room of the student theatre company and looking to sign up in the cinema club. But both of us had the bright idea to start working in the student pub, and really hit it off during the start of school year party they threw for their workers. We decided to pick the same work schedule and found out we have the same taste in pop culture, music, books, movies.

And now I’m moving in with him.

He had the larger of the bedrooms with a queen-size bed in the middle, a desk with a few computers and screens set up, gaming computer chair, a reading chair. Basically his room was set up so he could live there except for visits to the kitchen and bathroom. My room didn’t have a desk, but a normal bed, an armchair that looked comfortable, and more wardrobe space than I would ever need. He told me that I could basically consider the living room as mine as well. It had two couches in front of a big flat screen. By the balcony door stood a workout bench and weights. Barbell, plates, dumbbells, and that kind of stuff. Apparently it wasn’t Ethan’s but his uncle’s, but that didn’t really make a difference here and now.

Moving my stuff only took a few runs up the stairs, so we were soon back in the truck, returning it to the rental place. Ethan really didn’t have to come with me, but he said that this would probably be the last adventure for a while, and decided to come along.

“You’re supposed to buy pizza and beer for everyone who helps you move, right? What do you fancy?” “I’d like… You know what? We’re not going to get out much, and you don’t look like someone on a strict diet. Oh, no offense!” “None taken.” “How about we both keep healthy macros and workout regimen while locked up. Instead of paying rent you can help me make sure I at least isn’t in worse shape when all this shit ends.” “Macros?” “Diet.” “Sure I can do that, if you show me what to do.” “It’s a deal then. I’d like one with Gorgonzola and ham.” “Come again?” “The pizza topping. I’m allowed one cheat day per pandemic.”

The pizza place was only a block away from the apartment. Just this one time it was great, as we walked back with one quattro formaggi and one bresaola. But it would be so much harder to eat whatever Ethan had in his plans knowing a real wood fire oven pizza was just four minutes walk away.

Unprompted Ethan started to tell his story over pizza. How his father was a successful businessman in Arkansas, but his hometown always felt too small for him. He talked about how he was making synth music in school. How that made him interested in computers. How, since it was such a small town, he had ended up on the football team without any desire or skill to actually play the game. How he had almost by accident found this education program and had looked forward to both leave Arkansas and to study. I too did a year be year recap of my life so far, up to how my girlfriend dumped me just before the summer. In a way that was lucky, because it made me feel free from obligations and actually do what I wanted.

It was 9:21 when I woke up from a knock on the door. I was a bit disoriented for a second until I remembered where I was. I was sleeping in the guest bed left by Ethan’s aunt. After the pizza we did continue to talk over beer all evening, but I didn’t feel any hangover. Just thirsty. It wasn’t that early in the morning anymore on the other hand. “Yep” I called out. “I’m making breakfast,” Ethan called out from the other side of the door. “Coming”.

It literally only took me seconds to get ready. Stand up. Sweatpants. T-shirt. Done. In the kitchen I saw Ethan had a similar fashion sense, but had gone for shorts instead. “Porridge is fine with you? It would be good if it is. Lots of fibers.” I couldn’t really recall if I liked porridge and told him as much. The porridge itself didn’t taste much, but with toppings I could get used to it. “With our schedule in our own hands I think it would be a good idea to start out with breakfast and work out. That way we can get it out of the way.” Sounded sensible enough.

I changed into shorts as well and made myself ready to do my part of becoming Ethan’s gym buddy. At a quick glance we didn’t look that different, Ethan and I. On one hand I never had that big of an appetite, but on the other I had never really done any sports, and had no gym experience, so I let Ethan guide me. He tested different motions and how many times I could do them with weights he selected and noted down the results in a notebook that would log my progress. It wasn’t at all as tiring as I thought it would be. “Oh, you’ll feel it tomorrow for sure.” We each took a shower, and I went back to my room to catch up on my reading.

A few hours later I was starting to think about lunch. More because I was getting tired of reading than actually being hungry, but I thought I should ask Ethan if he had a plan. The door to his room was open, but as I got closer it became apparent it was an oversight on his part. Splayed on the bed was Ethan, naked save for a pair of boxer shorts and a big VR goggles. His right hand was massaging his obviously erect dick through the fabric of his underwear. He must have followed his normal routine and forgotten I had moved in. I’m not a prude and do the occasional tug myself, like any student, so I was more embarrassed than shocked. As on autopilot, my mind decided to ignore Ethan and continue walking to the kitchen to assess the lunch situation, but another part of my brain decided to keep him in sight.

Walking without watching in an apartment I’ve been in for all of 18 hours predictably made me jam my toe into the door frame. In the corner of my eye I could see Ethan’s body spasm and ripping off his VR goggles as I yell out in pain and surprise. He stared right at me, eyes wide open and mouth ajar in an expression that was hard to read. Surprise for sure, but also something else in between horror and delight. Perhaps it was like the smiles and laughter after you have completely made a fool of yourself. My eyes were drawn to his, and I could feel my face twisted in pain. It was like time stood still, waiting for either of us to make the next move. Out of sheer momentum my mind continued ahead as if nothing had changed and blurted out “What’s your plan for lunch?” over whatever Ethan said at the same time.

“What?” and an awkward pause again. “I said would you like to try?” “I… What is it?”

Ethan put down the VR kit on the bed, quickly got up and stepped into his pair of shorts. His erection was still very much apparent. He pressed escape on one of the keyboards and the screen switched from one incomprehensible menu to another.

“It’s a virtual reality system. I’m using an open source environment system to render inputs from an interactive story engine controlled by a GAN AI system. I’ve been experimenting with regenerative NLP feedback loop plugins for it.” “I followed you all the way up to and including virtual reality system.” “It’s like a VR movie that is generated specifically for you. Here.”

He picked up the bulky goggles and held it out to me. It wasn’t just goggles, but a pair of headphones were built in, and there were a few additional sensors glued on. Hesitantly, and with a throbbing toe, I stepped forward and took the headset. It wasn’t as heavy as it looked. I put it on my head and as it settled into place a digital version of Ethan’s room wobbled into place as well. It was remarkably similar. The colors and patterns were all slightly wrong, but the layout of the room and placement of furniture was almost spot on. I assume he had measured everything at one point and put in the data somehow.

“Go lie on the bed.” Ethan told me. I very tentatively stepped towards the bed, and feeling my way there. It was somehow surprised to find a bed where the digital bed was, and although the visuals of the sheets didn’t quite line up with what I felt, if you just moved quick enough the illusion of actually being in the digital room felt very real.

“This is so weird.” “I’ll start a blank session for you.” “A what?”

Almost immediately a guy entered the room through the door frame. This must be some VR video recording or something because he looked completely real. About the same age as Ethan and I but more fit and, I’ll admit, better looking. He looked flush and sweaty, with his french crop unkempt as if he had just ruffled it. He wore a navy blue sweatshirt and sweatpant shorts. I couldn’t see further down from my position. “Fuck, that was so dope! I love getting pump like that, you know what I’m saying” He was stretching his arms in different ways. Then he zoned in on me, like he was actually looking me over. “Fuck, I love how you look, babe. Mind if I join?” I shake my head slowly. He breaks out in a big smile. I notice he has a bit of a sweatpants boner. Carefully he climbs into bed, next to me. There’s no vibrations of course, or heat or smell, but everything I see looks utterly convincing.

“Hey, are you OK?” “What the…”

I’m looking into Ethan’s face as he stands over me. Bewildered I pat my head.

“I removed it once the program stopped. Didn’t shake you from your sleep one bit. I guess it wasn’t that interesting for you.” “It was very convincing. I fell asleep?” “Perhaps moving stressed you more than you knew? Or it could just be, you know, how shit the world is right now.” “Fuck… I only wanted to ask about lunch.” “A bit late for that. It’s like four and something. Let’s wait an hour or two more and have dinner. Ok with you?” “Sounds dope.”

It was like neither of us wanted to talk about what had happened. I certainly had questions. Had I just fallen asleep like that? Perhaps he was right and I had been anxious about the move and how things would work out. And what was up with that program? It wasn’t gay, exactly, and it didn’t mean Ethan was gay, and if he was there wasn’t anything wrong with that. All of it was just so confusing. Perhaps Ethan was right to just pretend it didn’t happen. Poor guy. I walked in on him watching porn, and then I fell asleep when he tried to show his system. Watching the news on how ever more countries were shutting down was probably time better spent.

He had not joked about being sore in the morning. I woke earlier than in weeks feeling stiff as hell. I didn’t want to wake Ethan, but I couldn’t just lie there in agony, so I got up and did some bodyweight repetitions. Squats, push-ups, dips, and stuff like that just to get some blood flowing. It honestly felt great. Me doing morning gymnastics! Who would have guessed that a week ago? When I left my room I found out Ethan was already up, but didn’t want to wake me up.

“Dude, we need to sort that shit out. I’m ok with you making noise when you’re up. You live here.” “You live here too. What if whoever gets up first makes breakfast and wakes the other up.” “Yeah, dope. I’m down with that.”

We quickly worked out the kinks in our schedule. I would typically wake up first, do a quick workout routine in my room. Then set the breakfast and wake up Ethan. Then we would do workout together. We had different weights and number of reps, but we had very quickly settled on the same exercises, though Ethan was still adjusting my form ever so often. Ethan would then shower first while I did stretches. We then kept to ourselves until lunch. Ethan cooked for both of us. Depending on what we felt like and needed we would either go back to study or do something like shopping or that kind of stuff in the afternoon.

It was hard to keep track of time, but I think it was on a Sunday four weeks later when Ethan said during breakfast that he wanted to show me something he had worked on. He moved the workout bench and the barbell stuff to just outside his room and told me to lie down. The bar had no plates on it, and that’s how I’ve used it until two days ago when I started to add extra weight to it. Ethan emerged out of his room with the VR set in hand, and a trail of cables running in into one of his computers. “Here, give this a go.”

I was a bit surprised, given the last time, but I was also curious what he had to show. Once snugly fitted on my head I was transported into a real gym. It wasn’t a very large one, but a few people did their thing around me. He almost scared me, the guy with the french crop, when he called out “Hey, bro!” just to my left. He had the same navy blue sweatpant shorts as the last time, but his upper body was bare, glistening muscles. He took a step back and his eyes were scanning me up and down. “Dude, you look so fucking good! You’ve really been hitting the weights.” I smiled and immediately realized that I was smiling at an avatar that wasn’t actually there and couldn’t see me, but it’s amazing how good some positive reinforcement feels, even if it is from a program. Perhaps that was the surprise from Ethan.

“Here, show me what you got!”

He walked around me, through the couch I knew was there in the real room, and stood behind me. I leaned back fully on the bench and looked up. He stood over me, just behind my head, so all I saw was a navy blue bulge, some abs and pecs, and his face looking down on me. “Go on, I’ve got you.” I could somehow feel him standing over me. Was Ethan spotting me in the real world? Not that it matters with an empty bar. I grabbed it. It felt heavy. “Good. Give me 15.” He started counting as I lifted. “Slower on the way down. Keep control all the way. Ten more” As I was getting to fifteen he upped it a bit. “Come one! Five more!” As I sat the bar back I felt utterly exhausted. “Fucking awesome, dude!”

“You really went all out.” “What?”

I was lying on the workout bench but I wasn’t wearing any VR shit. I sat up and hit my head in the barbell.

“Fuck! Dude, what the hell!” “The idea was for it to be motivational, but you really took it to heart.” “It was fucking dope, bro. I’m so pumped. Guy was kind of cute too.” “You think?” “Fuck, yeah. I wish I had those pecs.” “You better start some supplements then, if you can’t even last a virtual session.” “What you mean, dude?” “It’s already lunch.” “Fuck dammit!”

I rubbed my head where I had hit it and looked around the room. It looked mostly like before, but the sun had clearly moved ahead. Fuck, I really felt pumped to get some reps in hard and really make a difference. Perhaps lunch, and then do my daily sets.

“You ok with shopping without me after lunch?” “Sure. You need anything?” “I… You said supplements.”

Fortunately for me I have a roommate that studies medicine, kind of. Well, he hasn’t actually gone to any of the classes yet, but he has the books, so he picked out some things for me to boost me. Some of it looked like medicine, in small plastic jars with scientific-sounding names that could just as well have been a frat house. Alpha-omega-manganese-BS-whatever. Some of it decidedly did not look like medicine. Enormous containers with lids that looked too fucking small, with names like amazing-gainz-ultra. He set up a regimen for me to follow, basically some stuff with every meal. I started right away that evening with something like a vanilla and chalk milkshake after dinner. I don’t know why, but something made me feel really good drinking it.

I slept fucking fantastic, and despite having done way more lifting the day before than ever I barely felt any soreness or anything. I probably woke up Ethan with my harder than normal pre-breakfast cardio. Lots of burpees and jumping jacks, so I almost felt guilty making breakfast while steaming sweaty, but whatever. Ethan had to remind me what supplements to take. I really should have written that shit down.

I had a strong deja vu while doing weights. It wasn’t until Ethan spotted barbell for me I realized that this was almost exactly what I had seen doing the VR shit. I looked up and saw Ethan standing over me similar to the guy, but Ethan was wearing grey sweatpant shorts and a red tank. I kind of wished he was topless as well, like the other guy.

“You ok down there?” “Fucking dope, bro”

I realized I must have zoned out a bit. What’s worse I could feel I rocked a hard erection out of nowhere. Rather than making a deal out of it, and run to the shower, I decided to pretend like everything is normal. Guys get boners all the times. He’s a guy, so he knows that. I even did a few extra exercises to really drive home that point. While Ethan took his shower I dared to lower my shorts and slowly stroke my dick. I haven’t cummed once since moving in with Ethan, which I realized was longer than I’ve gone in years. The days were blurring together. I hadn’t watched porn either since moving in. I’ve been too preoccupied with the move and everything else going on.

“All yours” Ethan said and closed the door to his room. I just froze. I was sitting on the workout bench, shorts by my ankles and dick in hand. He saw that. There is no way he didn’t see that. I could feel my face getting hot by embarrassment, yet I continued to sit there and stroke my dick. What the fuck is wrong with me. My mind flashed to Ethan, to the guy in the VR, to his bulge just above my eyes, to his abs to the barbell, to the free weights.

No. I got up and took a long shower, trying really hard to not think about anything. Just observing the tiles, the shampoo bottles, the soap. But there were the creeping thoughts that perhaps Ethan will find me a weird creep and kick me out. How would he do it? He’s been far too nice to be direct. Would he bring up this incident or would he just wait a week or something and over one lunch say something vague like we are not as good of a match as he hoped? Fuck. I needed to do something.

I couldn’t concentrate at all on the block on taxation I was supposed to read. Apart from the residual thoughts of unease I was beginning to see what a mistake it was to not cum in the shower. I was very close to surfing porn sites, but decided against it and ended up aimlessly browsing social media. I can’t really explain how, a hundred clicks that trended in that direction perhaps, but I got into the circles of fitness instagram people. Big arms, broad chests, and slinky stringers. Somehow I was hard again. Stealthily I walked back to the bathroom, locked the door, and started to jerk off in the shower. I’d been saving for a week and been hot all day, but somehow it took quite a while to shoot the load. My mind was a soup of barbells, Ethan, sweatpant shorts, vague old porn clips, and more recent instagram models. When I finally came it was like I’ve never orgasmed before in my life. Rope after rope shot out of me, the first few even hit the wall, and my hips involuntary thrust forward for each of them. I felt cleansed in a way, like a weight had been lifted from me. I couldn’t really understand why, though. Nothing had really changed.

I didn’t want to go back to my room and study. I rinsed the shower, got a pad and a pen, and went to the kitchen to get on top of the supplements. I decided to write down all the ingredients from the labels. I had just accepted Ethan’s plan uncritically. It’s probably fine, but I wanted to understand it. That’s where Ethan found me.

“Hey, dude. Already hungry?” “Yeah… No… I don’t know, bro.” “You don’t know?” “It’s like… Fuck. You saw, bro.” “Saw what? You jerking off?” He laughed and sat down. “You saw me doing it first.”

He was right, of course. I didn’t know how that could have slipped my mind.

“Was it porn?” I didn’t know why I asked that. I was curious, but it also felt a bit too personal of a question. “Yeah. Wanna see?”

Before I even had time to respond he continued “Let’s fill up your macros first and then I can show you. If past experiences are any indications you’ll take your time.” “Already jacked off today.” Why did I tell him that? “Even better”

Ethan had this ever changing dish where he would chop and fry vegetables like bell pepper, chili, garlic, ginger, onion, peas, and whatever else was around, pour in coconut milk and whatever spices you craved that day green curry or red curry for Thai, madras curry for Indian, Soy and miso for Japanese, anise and szechuan for Chinese, saffron and parmesan for Italian, and so on. Then serve it with pasta or grains or rice. I helped him prepare it, as I always do unless he started making it without telling me. This time however the air was different, filled with tension and awkward anticipation. He made it with chicken, lemon grass, and brown rice this time. We hardly spoke a word while cooking, and then continued to eat in silence. We both knew what was on my mind, and there wasn’t any question on the subject that wouldn’t be awkward. I was weirdly looking forward to trying out whatever it was he wanted me to try. I couldn’t explain why it felt so compelling to me. Just thinking about it made me hard. “You clean up here and I’ll go and set it up for you,” he said as soon as his plate was empty. “Yeah,” was all I could manage, and he left. I finished my plate as well, put the few things we’ve used in the dishwasher and went to his room.

His bed was made and on it was the VR headset and what I first though was a protein drink shaker. “Dude, is that a… fleshlight?” I asked him both with incredulity and genuine curiosity. Curiosity because a cable ran from it to one of the boxes on the floor that connected to his computers, and incredulity because I couldn’t believe he thought I would use one of his sex toys.

“Yes. No. Not exactly. It’s modified to connect into the haptic subsystem.” “Haptic?” “Force feedback” “It’s a vibrator, bro.” “Eh.. No. Well, not only. You’ll see.” “Why do you think I’d touch that, bro?” Though somewhere inside I knew I would. “It’s a brand new inset. You’ll be fine.”

I walked up to the bed and suddenly wasn’t sure what to do. I would need to at least lower my shorts and boxers to get the until-recently-fleshlight on my dick, but Ethan was still in the room. Not only in the room but almost studying me like a lab project.

“I’ll lie down?” “Got to strip first,” he said motioning towards my tenting shorts. He saw me hesitated and continued “Dude, I just saw you jerk off in the living room this morning”. I blushed and pulled down my shorts and boxers, and stepped out of them. “Shirt too,” he said. I removed that as well and stood naked in front of him. “Wow, you are making progress. Ok, on the bed and hook yourself up. Red dot up.” I climbed into the bed, as he told me, and grabbed the cyber-fleshlight and pushed it down on my hard dick with the red dot up towards my head. There was some sort of lubrication in it and it slid on with very little effort. It must have been heated as well, because the lubrication didn’t make it feel cold. I was given a nod from Ethan and put on the helmet over my eyes and ears.

The alternative version of Ethan’s bedroom was already there, waiting for me. I looked around and as far as I could tell everything looked like in the real world, except no Ethan of course. After half a minute, perhaps more, I was almost about to ask if he had started it when the French crop guy jumped in through the doorway, as if he was in a hurry. He was naked except for a pair of white, tight speedos that both highlighted his big package and created a reference point for his deep tan and made it look even deeper. There was a sheen over all his body, like he had been working out hard or oiled himself up, and he was breathing heavy. “Sorry, I’m late. I didn’t expect you so soon,” he panted. I didn’t know what to say. “You want me to help you with that?” he asked and nodded towards my dick. I looked down and saw a massive erection, easily twice my real size. “As an apology…” he continued.

“Yeah, sure bro.”

He made the cutest little jump of joy in response, and caught my smile. He composed himself and locked eyes with me. Then he started some sort of dance where all the movement was in his hips and abs. Then he added more of the upper body, still keeping eye contact. I thought I would hose him down with cum from my monster penis right there, so sexy was it. He smirked and moved closer. Still swaying he leaned forward and licked the head of my dick, which shot pleasure up my spine. He then started to circle the head with his tongue, before taking it into his mouth. The first few times were shallow, but then he stopped teasing and begun to really do down deep on the dick. In addition I could feel him alternate between stroking my hips, the insides of my thighs, and tugging my balls. Just as I was about to nut he stopped working on my dick and started to slowly run his tongue up my faint abs, circling my nipple. I was squirming in horny delight.

He was straddling me now, face to face. I couldn’t resist it any longer and reached to pull him towards me and kiss him on the mouth. There was a loud crack of plastic against plastic as our VR helmets collided. “Dude?” I was looking at the French crop guy who was moving his hands in front of his eyes. “Ethan?” I asked, suddenly realizing what was going on. The French crop guy looked bashful, did a little wave, and answered in not-Ethan’s voice “Yeah.”

“Did you just blow me?” “I wasn’t… No, it’s still the device.” I hesitated, considering briefly what this would mean. “Would you like to?”

[theshelbyclan]

Remember

Summary: Requested as: The idea is, there's the shelby sis (older than Finn) and she's taken from the family as a child & they only find her years later when she's around 20. When they find her she doesn't say a word cause she was treated poorly where she was during those years. And they all are overwhelmed with her not speaking. They see her talking to a friend later & ask the friend about her and they explain that. She starts talkin days later and lots of fluff:) 

A/N: This was requested by @vikingsxf​, thanks so much! Also, this is the first ever story I’ve written on request, please don’t judge me too harshly... I changed it a little, but hope you still like it!

Words: 3574

***

It had been years since you’d last seen Birmingham. Home. There it was, on top of the hill and still at quite a distance, but you could see the smoke was rising and the people were buzzing like flies. It didn’t feel like home, but a part of you knew it had always been home. 

For the last few years you’d been traveling alone. This was a dangerous thing to do for a woman on her own. But you’d dressed as a boy and stayed with good people, with traveling people mainly. They didn’t trust you much at first, but when you’d spoken their language, they usually let you it. Still, this life was a lot safer than where you’d come from. You remembered it all. “Y/N!” you spun around to find the old man looking at you, “He wants to talk to you.” Releasing Birmingham once again, you turned away and walked over to the vardo where you’d been summoned. Right now, you were traveling with the Lee’s and they’d been all right. Not great, but no trouble either. The problem now was you were officially grown-up and passing like a boy was getting harder and harder. Johnny Dogs was also travelling with the Lee’s and he’d figured you out straight away. He was gracious enough however to never mention it. “Talk to that horse for me, will ya? He won’t listen to me.” You scoffed, internally laughing at him because he was supposed to have a way with horses.

He winked at you, “It’s the white one, by the river. Wash her for me.” You walked a little with him and admired the white horse. A young boy was washing her in the river, but he had a hard time controlling the horse as well. She didn’t like to be handled, didn’t like to be touched, and you and the horse understood each other at once. “Keep still, sweetheart,” you whispered as you approached the horse gently, “It’s just you and me. We’ll be okay.” The horse followed you meekly. “Huh!” Johnny elbowed the young boy in the side as he pointed at you, “What did I say? Proper gypsy that one, when it comes to horses.” You smiled at them both and walked the horse over to another wagon to get her brushed. Like a ritual you petted and groomed her. Her nose was touching your back every few seconds to let you know she agreed with it. As you worked, thoughts you’d rather kept locked away popped up in your head. Images flashed of dark spaces, doors being locked, children being beaten and pain stinging your back. Your childhood had been rough, taken at a young age and brought to a place of screams. It haunted you, but it also embarrassed you. You never quite trusted yourself to speak after that. The beautiful horse pulled suddenly, spooked by a noise. You looked up and saw some fancy car approaching on the grass. You knew men like that had no business here and your mind was racing at the possible scenarios. What if they came for you, to take you back? Silently, you moved behind the horse and watched as they got out. They were too far away to see, but Johnny seemed to know them. There was no way you were going back. Beckoning the boy and handing him the rag to groom the horse, you edged away invisibly. Walking through the field, hiding behind the wagons, you tried to disappear. You climbed a tree to wait until they’d gone, because strangely enough, people never really look up. The leader of the group talked to Johnny, while the three other brothers stood back. “How’s life, Johnny?” “Not bad, I’m traveling with the Lee’s now.” “So I’ve heard, any news?” You listened to the conversation intently. There was something familiar about it, but you couldn’t quite place it. Suddenly, the speaker looked up and saw one of your bare feet dangling from the sky. Johnny saw him look and explained, “New boy. Joined us recently.” “Where from?” “No idea,” Johnny shrugged, “Doesn’t really speak that one.” You were frozen up that tree. Luckily they had other things on their minds apparently and they flipped a coin for it. The older brother shouted something and the Lee’s by the river were laughing. Before you could even blink, a fight had ensued. Your pretty white horse was now definitely spooked and without thinking about it, you walked over to her to calm her down. “You know horses?” A low voice asked behind you. Your stomach dropped. You didn’t turn around, but just continued to pet the horse, while whispering her own language into her ear. Part of you hoped you could still walk away, without them really seeing you. One of the men took your arm gently and tried to turn you around. But all instincts kicked in and you spun around to punch him square in the nose. His head flew back, he cursed intensely, and you immediately regretted your decision. In panic, you tried to make a run for it. The older brother had now taken hold of your hand. A small smile tugged at his mouth and he tried to calm you down by locking eyes with you. Pale blue eyes, identical to yours, were looking at you. And he felt it too. “What’s your name?” he asked you. You just stared at him. “A girl able to do that to my brother should at least be able to identify herself.” So he knew you weren’t a boy. You still kept silent. He could see you were seriously afraid, so tried a different approach, “My name’s Thomas Shelby and I apologize for the mess we’ve caused here at the camp. I also apologize for my brother’s ways.” “The fuck are you apologizing to her for?” said brother protested, still holding his nose and blood oozing through his fingers, “Think she broke my nose.” You could only suck in your breath and whisper, “Shelby…” Thomas looked at you again, completely ignoring his brother. Alarm bells were going off in his head and some old memory was nagging at his brain, “Y/N? Is that you?” Completely frozen on the spot, you had no way of reacting. You hadn’t been called by your real name in years. This wasn’t what you’d been looking for, you didn’t even want it and here it was: you were looking at your brother. Tommy himself was shocked and he let go of you at once. He took a few steps back and thought about it all for a while. Guilt, anger and sorrow washed over him all at once, but none of it was shown on his face. Walking over to Johnny, he said, “Take her to Small Heath, to Uncle Charlie. Calm her down and take the horse. Then get Ada.” “Tommy, what in the hell is going on here?” He looked back at you for a second, “I’ve found my sister, Johnny.” 

*** Uncle Charlie brought back more memories for you, but they were mainly good ones. You remembered the smell of the place, how you used to sleep in the hay and the horses, always, the horses. He too tried to make conversation with you after Johnny had told him what Tommy had said, but quickly found that you simply didn’t speak. Johnny left again and that meant you were on your own with Curly. Curly talked non-stop and you instantly liked him. He didn’t mind that you were different or that you were so quiet, he just talked horses. The sounds of high heels suddenly filled the yard. Ada Shelby rounded the corner and looked at you with big eyes, “Y/N,” she said, “You’re back.” When she pulled you into an embrace, your first instinct was to push her away. But this was your sister and you’d missed her so much. None of it had been her fault, so you just let her. There was very little you remembered from before being taken, you were only three at the time, but you remembered that older sister of eight, always there to hold your hand. And in seconds, you’d lost it all. “Come on,” Ada urged, “let’s get you home.” You shook your head, eyes speaking plainly that you didn’t want to. “Why not, sweetheart? Aunt Polly can’t wait to see you, and your brothers just want to talk to you.” Anger flashed through your eyes now as it bubbled up inside you. If they’d want to talk to you so badly, why didn’t they ever look for you? Ada pulled you down and sat next to you in the hay, “Tell me.” You just couldn’t. Carefully she whispered, “What happened to you?” Too much. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to,” Ada smiled a little at her younger sister, “But is there anything I can do for you? Get someone maybe?” Your eyes immediately shot up and you nodded. There was one person you were dying to talk to and she was still back at the camp by the river. She’d been like a sister to you for many years. Just thinking that was painful now. Ada promptly got to work and ordered Johnny to get the girl from the camp. Thomas was watching Charlie’s yard from a distance. He saw a gypsy girl approaching and moments later his sister and the girl were talking. They were talking. His sister didn’t say a word to him, but she could talk. Tommy beckoned little Finn to come over and ordered him to get John and Arthur to follow that girl. As his youngest brother had left again, he felt the emotion of it all tightening his throat. His sister had been hurt, badly. 

*** The two brothers walked silently, but on a mission. John had been only six when you were taken, but Arthur had been 14 already. He remembered it well. They found their sister’s friend down at a pub and Arthur was the first one to approach her, “Y/N. You know her.” “So what if I do?” the girl threw back. “Why won’t she speak to us?” The girl scoffed, “Why would she?” She stood up to walk away, but Arthur grabbed her arm roughly. Seeing this wasn’t working, John pulled Arthur’s hand away and talked more gently to her, “Please. She’s our sister and we haven’t seen her for sixteen years. She was taken from us and we need to know what happened to her.” “Why?” “To kill the bastard that took her,” Arthur replied quickly. The gyspy girl seemed to be sizing up both Shelby’s. One was a brute and ready to kill everyone who’d ever hurt you, with his bare hands if he had to. This was good, let him. The other one was softer, concerned and maybe even a little hurt. “How do you even know she’s your sister?” “Because she has Tommy’s eyes and she broke my nose,” John said. This was good enough for her and she laughed at his answer. They were alright, but she wasn’t sure if you could ever trust them again, “She thinks the family gave her up.” “What?” “And that’s why you never looked for her.” Arthur softened a little too, for the first time, “We never stopped looking.” Seeing the truth in their eyes, the friend started telling them what she knew. She told them of the orphanage you were send to, where you’d refused to obey anyone. How they’d send you to the asylums after that, where you were beaten and imprisoned for years. How you kept on escaping, but was always brought back. How you’d been out for four years now, after an escape attempt had finally been successful.  And lastly, how you’d been moving around with travellers now, dressed as a boy. 

*** You knew none of this, but were still with the horses at Charlie’s. A few days had passed already and you knew you couldn’t stay there forever. Charlie knew the same thing. “Go on,” he said to you one day, “Go home to your brothers. They may be mad, the lot of them, but they never gave up looking for you, Y/N. Go and talk to them.”

Walking into Small Heath on bare feet felt somehow like a victory to you. Men gave you looks, so you felt for the knife hidden under your trousers. They wouldn’t be the first ones you stabbed. You stepped inside the house and hardly had any time to recognise the small house decorated as a vardo. Immediately Aunt Polly flung herself around your neck. Sobs were coming from her. She sat you down at the table and made you tea. You looked at it for a moment and shook your head. Tommy cocked one eyebrow and poured you a glass of whiskey. In one movement you downed the glass. John smirked, “Welcome home, Shelby…” “Sweetheart, talk to us. Who hurt you?” Aunt Polly urged. “I’ll fix it,” Arthur grumbled, “I’ll kill them all for you, Y/N.” “No need,” you said, speaking for the first time, “The man who took me is dead. I stabbed him in his sleep.” Your voice was more stable than they’d imagined. Thomas sighed, sat down next to you and poured you another drink. Then he slowly rolled another cigarette and lit it. “They said they were from the parish,” Polly said. You laughed coldly, “If he was, why did he take me to an orphanage first, but still came ‘round when I was taken into the asylum. He wanted me for something else.” Polly looked hurt, “We didn’t know.” “Well you fucking should have,” you spat, “Sixteen years you had and I never heard anything from any of you.” “We fucking should have, yes,” Arthur agreed at once, “Dad was no use and I was the eldest. We did try to find you, Y/N, but there were no traces of you anywhere.” “They changed your name,” Polly added softly, “They always do.” “I tried to get mum to talk about it,” Ada said, “But it was too painful for her. All her children were too painful for her after that. Seeing us reminded her of your absence, and it hurt. Hurt so badly she never was the same after that.” Arthur cast his head down at the memory, “Then the war came and all records got lost. We got packed off to France and the whole world went shit…” “We’re not here to make excuses,” Tommy said, “We will find the people responsible and deal with them. You just rest and forget about where you’ve been.” He started to get up from the table. In a sudden outburst of emotion, you grabbed the glass he’d just filled and threw it at him. It spattered apart in small shards on the wall next to his head. A loud roar, a scream coming from deep within, burst from you and Thomas just stared at you, frozen. “How the fuck am I supposed to forget?” you bellowed, “How the fuck am I supposed to sleep? Tell me, big brother who seems to know everything, how do I do that? I am fucking haunted by what happened. I dream of being locked up, of getting whipped and them touching me. I have the scars on my back and the chaos in my mind! And the fucked up part is, that I was always on my own during it all. None of you were fucking there, and now I’m supposed to simply forget?!” You got up and walked over to Tommy, “Tell me, how do I forget?” Your face was now inches from his, and slapping your own temple you shouted, “How do I clear my head and fucking stop remembering?” Then you whispered tortured, “Tell me how.” Thomas cleared his throat. Then he took your face in his hands and tried to wipe some of the tears off your face that had started falling down in anger, “Y/N, I’m sorry, eh? I didn’t mean to make light of it. But we can’t take it back, and I fucking hate that.” His own voice showed anger now, “Every night, I dream of France. I’m back in the tunnels and I can’t get the mud and smoke out of my brains, however much I try. You’re right. You can’t forget. I’m sorry I said you should.”

You let your forehead rest against his and the two of you stood there for a moment, breathing heavily. Tommy touched your cheek lightly, “But you’ll be alright. You might not see it now and you might not know how, but you’ll be alright.” And then you just let go. You started crying and crying, and it was like everything just only started to come in now. “It’s alright, Y/N, it’s alright,” Tommy whispered while stroking your hair. “We’re here now.” He took your face in his hands again and smiled at you, “You’ve been so strong and I’m so proud of you.” “I never wanted to be strong,” you whispered, “I just wanted to survive.” “I know, princess,” Tommy used his old nickname for you, “You don’t have to be any longer. We’ll take care of you.” His face brightened a little and he added, “even though you don’t need it, seeing what you did to John’s nose!” “Y/N did that?” Polly laughed at John, “Hasn’t changed much.” 

Everyone was silent for a little while. You just had to keep reminding yourself that this was real. You were really home and this was your family. Things would get better, slowly, but they’d get better. “Y/N?” John started, “Remember how we used to play with dad’s old bottles? I used to pile them up in a tower and you’d throw them all down. You used to laugh so hard at that.” You smiled at the memory. Happier memories were flowing back into your mind, slowly brightening the dark place in there. “Oh, I remember,” Thomas untangled himself from your embrace with a small smile, “You used to steal tiny things from dad and when you got caught, acted like a little princess to get away with it. That’s why I used to call you that.” “I used to steal the keys at the asylum, extra food and anything to get my hands on, just to find a way out. I can steal anything.” “That’s my girl,” John said proudly. Ada joined in in the storytelling, “I remember when you were born. I was so happy to have another girl in the family, with all those boys all over the place. Mum was too.” “You were the sweetest little thing, tiny at birth,” Polly said, “but with those pale eyes and jet-black hair to match. You used to fall asleep on my lap when I was peeling potatoes. Do you remember that?” “I do,” you took your aunt’s hands as you sat back down again and could see a single tear rolling down her cheek.

“Remember when we lost her, Tommy?” Arthur looked at his brother, “That night in the summer and we were all panicking for hours. Turns out Y/N had just fallen asleep in the hay next to the horses.” “You still have your way with horses.” Thomas looked at you again, “Just as you have your way with brothers. You used to be an angel, but if any of us picked you up without you wanting to, you’d kick and scream. The whole neighbourhood thought we were murdering you!” “Maybe you should listen to me more often,” you replied, grinning too.

“We will now,” Tommy said.  

You suddenly felt overwhelmingly tired and you laid your head forwards onto you aunt’s lap, “I’m so tired, Poll.”

“I’ll get the potatoes then!” Ada got up and brushed your head for a moment, “And we’ll have to do something about that hair of yours. Looks like it hasn’t seen a brush in years! You can scream again when I do it, just like old times.”

“I’ve missed you, little sister,” Arthur locked eyes with you and smiled warmly, “Welcome home.”

“Yeah, we have a lot of catching up to do! Maybe I could throw you out the window again, for old times’ sake,” John joked.

“Shut up, John,” you mumbled.

“Leave the girl be,” Thomas said, “she’s had enough trouble in life without you fuckers as it is.”

“Will you be alright?” Polly asked as she stroked your hair slowly.

“I will be.”

Thomas took another drag from his cigarette and nodded, “You will be.”

There was a calmness washing over you that you hadn’t felt in years. And slowly, you started recognising and remembering the way each of them expressed it, but Ada was the one to actually say it in the end.

“We love you, Y/N.”

***

Masterlist

[storydays]

Legend of Korra X Male Reader

Hey guys! I’m loving all the likes you’re giving. I want to hear more of your questions and comments. Also I would really appreciate it if you would tag me and give me credit when you reblog my work. Thanks

(All credit for Legend of Korra goes to Nickelodeon and it’s creators ❤️)

Season 1, ep 5, p2

Kazan and Meelo yawned sleepily, full from dinner. "That was really good, (Y/N)." Pema complimented, rubbing her belly happily. "Glad you liked it Auntie." You then turned to your Aunt Rene who was sulking in the corner with a smug grin. "So, Auntie, thoughts?" you teased, making her start. "Listen little boy! Don't you dare give me attitude just because you're a better cook than me!" Everyone laughed at the banter between you two. "It's late, and the children are sleepy, why don't you guys sleep here for the night? Nagisa can sleep with Jinora and Ikki, and Kazan can bunk with Meelo." Pema suggested. 

"Yay! Sleepover!" cheered Ikki and Nagisa much to Jinora's annoyance. "Here, I'll help but the boys to sleep, Uncle."He smiled appreciatively at you, grabbing Meelo while you carried Kazan. "You did good tonight, nephew." Tenzin said, leading the way to the boys' room. "You heard from the radio?" you tilted your head, adjusting your grip on the young firebender. "No, I saw from the corner. You really are your parent's son."

You stared at his back in shock before smiling. "Heh, thanks Uncle."

*That night*

You inhaled the fresh air as you and Nevermore walked to the arena to get ready. But stop seeing Mako and Korra each facing different ways, and leaned against a pole, out of their sight line. "What kind of game are you playing?" asked the Firebender. "Um, pro-bending? We have a quarter final match." Korra stated like it was the most obvious thing. "No, I mean with Bolin. You got him all in a tizzy, and I know you're only using him to get back at me." Mako accused. 'Ooh bad move, Mako.'

"I am not. We're just having fun. What do you care, anyway?" Korra defended. "I'm looking out for my little brother. I don't want to see his heart get broken." 'That is such bull.' you laughed silently. Korra knew it was too, "Wait a second. You're not worried about him; you're jealous," Korra was smirking and you were too. "You do have feelings for me." Mako didn't miss a beat. "What? Jealous? Don't be ridiculous." 

"Admit it, you like me." Korra didn't realize she was playing with fire, quite literally. "No, I'm with Asami." "Yeah, but when you're with her, you're thinking about me, aren't you?" The Avatar sounded so smug right now, and you were silently rooting for her. "Get over yourself." Mako snapped. "I'm just being honest!" "You're crazy!" Mako denied. "You're a liar!" cried Korra.

That was when you decided to step in. You splashed the two with water you kept in your pocket, and sent your teammates a raised eye brow. "If you two hot heads are done, we do have a match to go to." You then walked away, your pony tail swinging behind you. You stopped the two from entering the room and to keep Bolin from getting him involved. 

"Listen you two, don't bring this energy around Bolin. And while you are out on that ring, keep your personal feelings out of it. We've come too far for you two to mess it up. Am I clear?" The younger teens looked at each other and sighed, when Nevermore snapped her jaws for good measure. "Yes, sir." "Good, I'll be here when the match is over." You walked in and over to the railing, waiting for the match to start. 

*15 minutes later*

"Eight teams have been eliminated, and eight advance into the quarter finals, which get underway tonight. The rookies are about to take on the former and longest running champs--the Boar-Q-Pines. Youth clashes with experience in a battle for the ages or rather of the ages. Korra dodges and--ooh slams right into her teammate! Down goes Mako, and Bolin and Korra." You face palm and growled as the second announcer said, "Round One goes to the Boar-Q-Pines." 

Your (e/c) eyes narrow, noting Mako was saying something to Korra in a very aggressive way. Poor Bolin looked so confused. The waterbender part of you wanted to switch out with Korra, but the airbender part of you, reminded your that this was how Korra and Mako were going to make up. Nevermore nuzzled your cheek making you chuckle and rub her head. "Thanks, girl."

"The Ferrets looking to mount some offense here in round 2. Bolin lets fly a flurry of attacks. He's a one man bending battalion." "Yes! Way to go, Bolin!" You cheered for the Earthbender. "The Ferrets having a tough time finding their rhythm tonight. But thanks to Bolin, they narrowly notch round two." 

Round 3 started and at this point the crowd noticed their was something wrong as well. "Not sure, what's eatin' them, but this is not the same team that took out the Rabbaroos." You winced in sympathy as the Avatar took Earth disk to the stomach. "Round 3 is a tie. We go to a tie breaker to decide the match." A referee tossed a blue and red coin into the air, and caught it, covering it up. 

He moved his hand to reveal the red side. "The Fire Ferrets win the coin toss. Which element do you choose?" Immediately the three tried to decide who would go to fight, until Bolin stepped up with the older Earthbender. "Looks like the Earthbenders will collide in the tie breaker face off. Bolin goes in for the grapple, Chang reverses." You grit your teeth as Bolin was flung into the air but cheered when he fired from mid air. 

"Bolin strikes from mid air, knocking Chang to the edge of the circle, and another strike from Bolin, knocking Chang into the drink!" "The Future Industries Fire Ferrets win their quarter final match!" You, Mako, and Korra sighed in relief as the announce continued talking. "Ooh, close one folks, youth trumps experience tonight." 

You met the trio at the edge and grinned at Bolin. "Good job, Bo! You were awesome out there!" You watched as Korra and Mako went their separate ways. You sighed, and walked over to Mako and whispered in his ear, "You better get your act right, Mako. You maybe my best friend, but I won't hesitate to kick your ass." He looked at you with wide eyes, knowing you were dead serious. "Hey, (Y/N), come with me! I need your help!" Bolin dragged you out the room, making you laugh. 

*Time skip*

You and Bolin walked up to where Korra could be hiding and you stopped seeing Korra and Mako kissing. 'Are they kidding me?!' "Wait, Bo, don't--" 

You were too late, as he stopped seeing the scene in front of you. You hid half your face in your hand, Nevermore trying to hide her head in your hair. It was silent until Bolin started crying and ran away. "Wait, Bolin, this isn't what you think!" He turned to Korra with a glare on his face. "Great! Look what you did." "You're blaming me?" demanded Korra. 

"You kissed me!" "You kissed me back!" Both gasped being splashed with freezing cold water, and turned to you. Nevermore's teeth were drawn back into a snarl, and you had a dangerous look on your face. "It doesn't matter. You are both at fault! Now what matters is how the hell you are going to fix it." You and Nevermore growled as Mako groaned and ran after his brother. You turned to the city view and didn't even look at the Water Tribe girl.

"Korra, I know you've been isolated all your life, and you probably thought you would get your happily ever after with Mako. But there's so many fish in the sea for you to explore with. Don't settle for the small fry." "Well played, Korra." she said, hugging herself. "Live and learn, Korra." you sighed, "Live and learn."

*The next morning.*

You followed Mako into the restaurant.  "Morning, Narook. Is my brother here?" The man behind the counter gestured behind you guys, and Mako waved in thanks. "Thanks." He walked over to Bolin and shook his shoulder. "Come on, wake up. I'm taking you home, bro." That cause Bolin to sniff and look up sadly. 

"Don't call me that. You're not my brother!" He drunkenly slapped Mako's hands away from him. "You're a brother-betrayer." He sobbed into his arms. "The only ones I can trust: are Pabu and (Y/N)! They love me!" "You're a mess, and we've got the biggest of our lives tonight. Let's go." Mako tried grabbing Bolin who screamed at him. "No! I'm not going anywhere with you traitor!" You sighed, pushing Mako and grinning at Bolin. 

"Come on, Bo. I need my favorite Earthbender to fight with me tonight!" He finally got up with his arm slung over your shoulder. "Only you Bolin, can drunk off Water Tribe Noodles." You laugh gently. "I told you dating a teammate was a bad idea." Mako sighed. "You're a bad idea!" You laugh at their antics, even if you were pissed at Mako. 

*That night* 

You finished braiding your hair so it hung down your back, and out of your face, as Korra walked into the room. She looked at Bolin slouching on a bench,and noticed you over at the mirror. You were lost in thought, but it was clear something was bothering you. You suddenly snapped out of it and stood up, putting your helmet on. "Let's go guys. And leave your personal feelings here." 

"You can't find a team more evenly matched. In age, size, and strength than the Fire Ferrets and the Buzzard Wasps. Believe me, I looked." he joked. "This should be a pulse-pounding semi-final, folks." The bell rang and the Buzzards fought first. "The Buzzard-Wasps open with a flawlessly executed combo. 2 of the Ferrets take an early visit to Zone 2, and Mako's knocked all the way back into Zone 3! The Ferrets have been struggling to stay alive since the opening bell. It seems Bolin and Mako are out of sync tonight. (Y/N) taking the brunt of the impact from the front lines." 

The crowd groaned with Bolin as he was hit in the gut, hard. "Ooh, that has got to sting." You heard retching and groaned, knowing it was Bolin. "And Bolin looses his noodles, literally." All the players seem to have froze with that disgusting scene. "Which reminds me, this match is brought to you by our sponsor, Flamey-O-Instant Noodles. 'Noodlest- Noodles in the United Republic.' " Soon Bolin was knocked back into Zone 3 with Mako, leaving you to get defend from Zone 1. 

You were suddenly knocked into Zone 3 by an Earth disk, while avoiding a flame burst. "The Buzzard Wasps fly deeper into Ferret Territory. And Mako plunges into the pool. Can the Fire Ferrets hold on?" You and Bolin looked at each other and continued to fight with all you got. "The Ferrets are backed to the edge now, and are saved by the bell! They had better pull themselves together, folks, for round two. Otherwise they can kiss their finals goodbye. "

"Round 2!"  You used water in a arch to knock two of the Buzzards back into Zone 2. "Oh, what a strong start from (Y/N)!" Mako groaned being knocked into Zone 2, and sent fire towards them, hitting Bolin in the process. He cried out, and turned onto his back to glare at Mako. "Hey, watch it!" He gasped being knocked into the water, from his distraction. "The Wasps take advantage of Mako's unforced error, and move forward." 

You and Mako spun your elements together and knocked the opposing  Water and Earth benders out and into the drink giving the round to you guys. Round 3 came and you looked between the boys. "Look, we've been working for a long time for this. Get your heads in the game guys. Please." You begged slightly; they knew what this tournament meant to you. "Let's get this over with." Mako sighed.

When the match started, Mako was already in the drink, and Bolin's shoulder was messed up,and then he was in the drink. "The Ferret's dream of making it to the finals rests on Councilman (Y/N)'s shoulders." You smirked to yourself, used your waterbending to get the team into a line of three, and knocked them down like dominoes. "It's the big kaboosh! What a knockout!" 

The crowd went wild and you could hear Mako and Bolin cheering for you.  "It didn't seem possible folks, but the Fire Ferrets are headed to the finals." You laughed, waving to the crowd, before walking away. You took your helmet off and groaned when Korra gave you a big hug. "Korra! Korra! I need my....lungs...to breathe." "Oh! Sorry!" she sheepishly let you go. "Sometimes, I forget about my own strength." You sent her a lopsided smile, "It's okay, Korra." Bolin and Mako walked up to you. 

"That was pretty much the coolest thing I've ever seen." "Thanks for not giving up on us; we never would've made this far without your level head. We owe you big time." You rolled your eyes, walking past them, taking your helmet off. The three looked at each other, uncertain. "(Y/N)--" "Look, I know things are confusing between the three of you, but this team means everything to me, and the last thing I need is for some petty love triangle is to mess it up." 

Your sudden attitude caught the other's off guard; you were usually so carefree and cool. You got ready to leave the room when your ex walked in, making a scene. "Ooh, ooh, you boys smell something in here?" Tahno pinched his nose before smirking. "Oh, wait I know what that is. Yeah, it's the scent of losers." "I hope we see you in the finals. Then we'll see who the real losers really are." Korra said back. 

"Yeah, I'm peeing my pants over here." Tahno said confidently before turning to you, with a very faint blush on his cheeks. "I'll win this match for you, (Y/N). Maybe we can go out to that Water Tribe restaurant you like so much." You turned to him with a bored look and said, "Gag me. We are not together anymore, Tahno, I just can't trust you." You brushed your bangs into your face and left without another word. 

You ran into Asami in the hallway. "Oh, hey Asami." she hugged you and took a step back, noting your mood. "Great job! What a comeback! I--Hey...what's the matter?" she asked, green eyes shining earnestly. "Nothing, why don't you go see you boyfriend." You began to walk away when she grabbed your arm. 

"Hey, you don't need to be strong around me, (Y/N), you've been there for me when I needed it. You can talk to me--" "No! I can't talk to anyone and especially not you because on of my main problems is I'm in love with you, and I just think you're wrong for Mako because he and Korra kissed and they belong together and I--" Asami cut you off by hugging you tightly, your arms tight around her waist. "(Y/N), I-I didn't know you felt that way." You took her hand in yours and kissed the top of it, locking eyes with her. 

"Asami..." you left it at that and walked away, leaving her to her thoughts. 

You ran to where you hid Neo, and hugged him with all your might, begging your tears not to fall, and while the polar bear dog didn't know what caused your pain, he simply nudged you with as much warmth as possible.  You took such good care of him, it hurt him to see you so upset.

You sniffed, and looked into Neo's blue eyes with a watery smile. 

"Let's go home, boy."