#also ive realized almost every adult/grown up in this family is holding back their tears afjhsjgfa we are all too weird

[quanxui]

random february thoughts all mashed up in one long post lmao sorry

i've been having hair problems recently and i think i solved it? my hair felt weird and super dry and itchy and there were hair fall everywhere in the room. at first, i thought it was the shampoo i was using because i started using this shampoo from abroad after my baby shampoo ran out and we were all in the middle of a quarantine. i switched to a local shampoo but it was still kinda uncomfortable and i've noticed the increase of hair fall all over the room lol (on the table, the bed, the floor, my back hahahahha) so i spent so much time still musing over it, even after my hair was cut short. my diet is okay and i drink water and sit under the sun once in a while. and then i realized it.

i've never really combed my hair 😔

i've been sporting short hair/boycuts so i just dry my hair and then finger comb to get the hair out of my face and then it's all done. sometimes i leave it as is after drying ajdhasjfhsag

ive been properly combing after bath/drying and before i sleep. i feel much better now. it sometimes slips my mind sometimes so im making an alarm or something to remind me. i have just checked the internet and it says stress can be a factor and indeed, im stressed T-T i have exams, late requirements, and moving out happening all out once. and i still miss my grandpa, i havent watched a single film this month :') i might just remember him and cry a lot. i'll try to destress a bit~

im also very poor with self/physical care. i used to apply lotion before i sleep and after bathing, i'd do stretches in the morning (to grow tall lol) and laundry every week and cleanups around the house until i sweat so much, and then sleep at 11/12 night (ive been doing this recently! yay!), wake up early, and keep up with skincare. but that stuff kinda stopped after i couldn't walk. when i could finally walk it was really difficult to try being "myself" again and i had like all these thoughts about how i feel like past me was a stranger and i got angry at myself because it's like im running after this stranger, like im not over highschool and that's so cringe of me. it was awful.

im trying slowly tho! ive realized that it's not that i want to be like the me before but in the first place, those care stuff i did then were something i did so i wouldnt be self-loathing and so id feel confident with myself. i think three years is too slow, i should get back up hehe

i can do this 😤 go go go aha