#also if it really is just a bit. i am booking the next flight to monaco to kill them both with my bare hands

[introspectivememories]

i have a habit of telling my family anf friends everything i know about my weekly interest and so natturally when i got into f1, i had to tell them all about brocedes. so there i am, every other week, regaling my cousins and sibling with the brocedes drama and every time without fail, in the middle of me having a brocedes-induced breakdown, they'd put their hand on my shoulder and very gently go, "have you ever considered that it might be a bit?"

[miyukisu]

Breakfast in Bed .ᐟ

❤︎ | Trouble in paradise? Well, Sae has an early morning treat for you to fix that (2.5k wc) ╰ feat. itoshi sae (bllk) x afab! reader

kinktober entry no. 8 | kinktober masterlist

tags - somnophilia, rare sweet sae, sweet and sensual smex, p in v, unprotected smex, p*rn with plot, pussay eating, pronebone, profanity

minors do not interact

"Don't bother coming home. Jerk."

Sae wasn't one to reread texts, but he was beyond restless with the way you two left things an hour ago. It wasn't his fault that he was being kept at work for longer than he would like. He knew you wouldn't believe him when he said that he was trying his best to get home to you.

He wanted to prove a point; he really did. That's why he found himself booking a flight last minute on a trip that takes place at ungodly hours of the night.

That meant his usual ride wouldn't be there to pick him up at the airport and drive him straight to your shared condo unit. The Sae Itoshi had to flag down a taxi and make his way home like an ordinary person.

Sae leaned back on to the worn out faux leather seat of the taxi. His brows were scrunched, already feeling the impending headache caused by the unplanned trip home.

But again, he had to prove a point.

A deep sigh fell from his chapped lips as he opened the door to your place. He quickly checked his watch which read 4:48 AM. He should've been asleep hours ago, but he was generous enough to lose sleep just so he could come home to you as soon as possible.

He pushed his luggage haphazardly to the side before slipping off his shoes. His jacket was next to come off and he simply threw it on the couch.

Sae had to rub the sleep from his face. He'd been yawning multiple times throughout his trip home and he let out one big yawn before opening the door to the bedroom.

As expected, you were fast asleep. You couldn't be bothered to stay on your side of the bed, seeing as how you took up the center all sprawled out and lying on your stomach. Sae watched your sleeping figure for a moment before gently closing the door behind him. He quietly made his way over to the foot of the bed, still observing you.

"Well, here I am. Brat," he muttered to himself. As much as he wanted to tell you that—it was better if he let you sleep. Not that he thought you looked adorable that way, but he wasn't about to wake you up to say something so... asshole-y.

Although, his mind wandered. He was unsure if it was because he always thought this way or because his mind was exhausted from all the traveling he did—but God, did you look ethereal in that silk night dress.

His eyes traced every curve hugged by the fabric. The tiny dress bunched up a bit by your waist, showing off the sorry excuse for panties that you wore to sleep.

He calls them that because it barely covered anything.

Finally, he understood why you were so frantic about him coming home as soon as he could. You missed him and he missed you. Though, "missed" felt like an understatement.

Sae needed you and it took him an awful ride back home to realize just that.

────────────

He had to be careful. Slowly, he let his knee dig into the mattress, the cushions dipping due to his weight. Sae plants both hands on either side of you as he attempts to hover above you. It was like a hungry lion about to pounce on its unsuspecting prey.

He let his eyes roam your body, noting how he'll touch you without waking you up. Up close, he can see how your body rises up and down as you breathe. You looked so peaceful—a stark contrast of what you probably looked like earlier when quarreling with him over text.

A soft sigh escapes his lips. Sae was incredibly tired; he wanted nothing more than to plop down right beside you and snooze until morning. But, then again, he also had this urge.

A burgeoning urge to feel you—to touch you.

He took a single finger and traced the column of your back. Sae watched intently as your face scrunched up, annoyed by the unexpected stimulus.

But, much to his pleasure, that one touch made you shift from lying on your stomach and on to your back. He had to move away a bit to make sure you didn't hit him as you moved.

You were now facing him—mouth slightly agape—telling Sae that you were having a good night's rest. Hi gaze lingered on your face for a moment before it trailed down to where your clothes had bunched up even further.

That only made it harder for him to go to sleep.

Sae could be cheeky sometimes. He pulled the thin strap of your panties with two fingers before letting it go and hearing the 'snap' it made against your skin.

You softly grunted, annoyed that whatever it was that was bothering you hasn't gone away yet.

Truthfully, he found it quite amusing. His mind raced about what he was to do moving forward. But the longer he admired your body, the more sure he became of his choice.

Carefully, he pushed the fabric of your dress a little higher—just enough to show your belly button. He hooked his finger on the strap of your panties before pulling it down, slowly and steadily so as to not wake you up.

Once the flimsy fabric was out of sight, he stared at your lower half again—debating whether or not to continue. But he was already there, wasn't he?

As gently as he could, Sae pushed your leg away, opening you up for him. He had seen you countless of times before, but the sight of your glistening folds always seem to knock the air out of his lungs each time. You were a sight for sore eyes.

Cautiously, he traced your pussy with the pad of his thumb. That alone had him sucking through his teeth. He pressed your clit firmly causing you to squirm, but not enough to snap you out of your slumber.

"Fuck," he whispered into the chilly air of your shared bedroom. He liked foreplay as much as the next guy, but he was sure his dick was going to burst with how hard it was. He needed you now.

But he remembered how irritated you were earlier over the phone... perhaps, he could still be nice enough and prepare you even if just by a bit.

He dug in like a starved animal, lapping at your folds with a newfound enthusiasm you had never seen from him before when he ate you out. He was sure you'd laugh at him if you saw how famished he was for you. The stoic Sae Itoshi would never look so desperate like this.

But you were none the wiser about it, so he didn't care.

He suckled your clit relentlessly and you tried snapping your thighs close, but he made sure you kept them nicely opened up for him. Sae was growing impatient by the second, tongue darting in your hole at a quick pace.

You were already a mess for him. Surely, you should be ready for him at this point.

Sae gave your weeping pussy one last lick before hovering above you again. He could barely make out the expression you were making, but you were probably having the wildest dream right now. He softly patted your head—as if to soothe you—and ran his fingers through your hair.

In a rare show of gentle affection, the man leaned down and gave you a quick peck on your forehead. Somehow, that tiny action eased your expression—as though you knew who it was that gave you such a kiss.

With one hand supporting his weight, Sae used the other to free his aching cock from his sweats. He hissed upon feeling the air wrap around his sensitive skin.

He needed something warm, he thought. It just so happens that the perfect little pussy was right in front of him, waiting to be devoured.

Sae stroked himself a few times, easing himself up first before you'd suck him in without mercy.

He felt like a teenager all over again—biting his lip at such a mundane moment. Mundane—considering the other things you two have done in the past.

Soon as he lined up the tip against your entrance, he didn't wait another second. A guttural groan left him once his tip penetrated you. One swift push and he was halfway in.

It had him throwing his head back. This was new—this was definitely new.

"Sae?"

The faint sound of you calling out his name snapped him out of the immense pleasure he was feeling. Part of him felt a tad bit embarrassed that you caught him at his most vulnerable.

"Happy now? I'm home," he whispers. Although, he gives you no chance to respond—stuffing the rest of his length into you.

It felt like the stars aligned for him. The sun rose high enough at this hour that the light poured into the room. He could see more clearly the way your face contorted in bliss.

He pulled out again, only to sheath himself back to the hilt. He was used to fucking you stupid—purging the brattiness that he had to deal with on the daily. But, for some odd reason, he wanted to go slow today.

Sae leaned down again to give you another kiss on the forehead. He didn't feel all too embarrassed now. Besides, you were half-awake anyway.

"Slept well? You better 'cuz I may have missed you."

His words caused you to choke out a moan. "That's rich."

Usually, with a response like that, he'd start snapping his hips faster. But he controlled himself. You were always cranky in the morning after all.

"I know you missed me. Look at how well you take me." His eyes dart down to where you two were connected. A white ring had formed at the base of his cock and there was already a faint squelching sound every time he bucked his hips into you.

You clicked your tongue, annoyed that there was no way of denying the truth. It was hard to lie with his face close to yours and with his dick dragging along your walls so sweetly.

"You can lie all you want, but your pussy always tells me the truth," he whispers in your ear. Again, he cut you off—biting your earlobe gently.

The unusually slow and sensual pace threw you off, but you weren't complaining. He still hit that spot perfectly like he always did. And you kind of liked this—how he'd whisper sweet things to you, kiss your neck so desperately, and make love to you so tenderly.

Slow as he was, it still brought you closer and closer to the edge. He was quick to catch on it as you wrapped your arms around his neck, keeping him close to you.

The rapid breathing that filled his ears made him impossibly harder. Neither did it help that you kept getting tighter and tighter around him. He wanted to last longer, but the quivering of your pussy caused by your first orgasm pushed him to climax with you. Sticky seed painted your walls.

It was romantic—kind of. He was only realizing that now.

After his climax died down slightly, it was then he felt the sting of your nails scratching his back earlier. Though it didn't bother him at all.

If anything—it only heightened the sensations he was feeling.

"Fuck... I didn't mean to—"

You coo at him. "It's okay. Don't be embarrassed."

Just like he did earlier, you patted his head—hair rather damp from the sweat that built up due to your activities.

But you were too quick to comfort him because he was still painfully hard even after coming once.

"Ah... Guess I won't be going back to sleep soon huh?"

Sae sighs deeply. "I can deal with it myself. You can go back to sleep if you want."

You knew he had a habit of dealing things by himself even with things in the bedroom. It killed him inside to say that; he wanted to do so much more to your compliant body.

As he was about to pull out, you hastily wrapped your legs around his torso to stop him.

"Goddamn."

Sae couldn't help but bury his face into your neck. Thank fuck you were just as insatiable as he was.

"Sleep can wait," you whisper back.

"Turn around then."

'What?" you asked.

"On your tummy. I wanna do something," he explained.

Reluctantly, you unclasped your legs, letting him pull out. Sae helped you turn to lie flat on your belly. Now, you understood what he wanted to do.

Instead of slapping your ass like he would usually do, he caressed it—admiring his favorite body part of yours. With two large hands, he spread you out for him.

The new position made more blood rush into his dick. He had to fuck you one more time or else it would get too painful again.

He sheathed himself back in. His dick stretched you out deliciously and you tried stifling your moans, planting your face into the mattress.

Sae began fucking you with the same pace as earlier. Every drag along your walls elicited a moan from you that went wasted—being muffled by the thick covers.

He kept you all spread out for him. The grip on your ass was almost bruising even though he had promised to be gentle today. It was simply impossible to not get ahead of himself.

No words were exchanged as he pounded you from behind. The exhaustion you both felt and the need to moan your heart out took precedence.

A groan rumbled from his chest. He was close again. He was coming again way too fast for his liking. Sae was starting to think his dick was having problems, but maybe it was just your tight and warm cunt making him go haywire.

"Fuck... what did you do to me?" he wondered before a deep groan rumbled from his chest.

In response, you came abruptly—coating his length with your juices. You let out your most vulgar moan that morning. Your neighbors would have definitely heard if it weren't for the bed suppressing most of the volume.

You've had too many complaints in the past.

"Hahhh... waking up the neighbors? What a dirty fucking girl you are. Take it—take it all."

His hips began to go at a staccato pace, going out of beat once in a while in anticipation of his incoming high.

With one final thrust of his hips into you—he came so much like he hadn't just emptied himself in your cunt earlier. A warm sensation flooded your pussy again.

Sae swore that if he had time to rest after the match and before getting on that plane, he wouldn't be pathetically lying on top of you like this. He swore that he wouldn't collapse after coming a measly 2 times.

©miyukisu do not repost/reupload/translate any of my works on other platforms

╰ author's note The ending is so ass. I don't know how to end these things wtf

[themultifanshipper]

With how dominant Ferrari seemed in Austin, you assumed you'd be seeing mostly red for three weeks.

You were very happy to be proven wrong.

Part 6 of One of the Boys

Warnings: smut, threesome, multiple threesomes in fact, six different partners in one fic whew, voyeurism?, brief double penetration, EIFFEL TOWER WITH THE FRENCH MEN Y'ALL, Pierre's canonically massive shlong, oral, shower sex, gaping and also Max having a weird kink at the end idk where that came from

The triple header was intense. In more ways than one.

COTA made you sore.

Well more accurately, Charles and Carlos made you sore after getting a Ferrari 1-2.

They decided to celebrate their success as teammates given that they didn't get such good results very often at the moment.

So they took turns with you.

Imagine getting passed around by your partners while they compete to see who can fuck you better and make you come harder.

They wrote their names on your thighs and put tally marks next to them every time they came inside you, until you were absolutely covered in tally marks and fucked out of your mind.

It was mind numbing, and when they finally let you sleep, the sun was almost up and you had flights to catch.

Luckily all three of you had booked a spot in the same private jet, along with a few other drivers.

Needless to say, they decided to continue the festivities on the jet, much to everyone else' displeasure.

Mexico was looking pretty good once again for Ferrari, but Charles backed out of the celebrations because, and I quote “he had stuff to do”, which left you to the mercy of Carlos and Lando.

The other drivers were hungover, and moody because of the noises coming from the private room at the back where you were getting your already abused cunt stretched by the two cocks that had beat them all in the race.

And mercy is one thing those two did not have.

When they got together it was chaos at the best of times.

But that night they bent you into shapes you didn't know you could manage.

Your favourite part was when they were standing and holding you up.

Carlos held you up by your thighs, keeping them spread with your back to his chest while he buried himself in your ass.

At first Lando was down on his knees, lapping at your drooling cunt while Carlos' balls slapped against his chin every time he thrust into you.

But once he'd quenched his thirst he stood up and slid into your tight heat, the pressure against your walls making you see stars as they bounced you on their cocks.

It was just as exhausting as the week before, the two of them obviously having unreal stamina.

Practice was fine. Sprint quali was… well it was.

You limped around that week, taking it easy and doing your best to recover for Brazil.

Then the sprint happened. It was chaotic and everyone was exhausted given the circumstances, and the hours of waiting under the rain for qualifying to start was not helping the collective mood.

Everyone went to bed equal parts frustrated and relieved that It was happening in the morning.

Qualifying came and went.

The race? Well it was anyone's game really.

No comment.

You bit your nails anxiously as you watched everyone slide off the track and/or crash. Not a single driver was safe from the disastrous track conditions.

Max came to see you during the last red flag.

“I'm going to get that fucking win” he said, holding you in his arms possessively. “I'm going to win this fucking race and then I'll get you all to myself tonight”

“Now now, Max.” you chided “you still have an Alpine to get past, and although I’m sure you will, if Pierre and Esteban both end up on the podium, I am definitely going to give them a reward”

Max scowled, and tried to argue, but you managed to convince him by promising that if he could be a good boy and watch silently, you’d give him his own private reward afterwards.

Besides… your body, your choice. And your boys always respected that.

Well, Max winning the race was a shock to most people, given where he started, but not to you. You knew he would do anything to get what he wanted.

And what he wanted was you.

That much was obvious the moment you opened your door and found him standing there, ready to pounce on you.

“Patience, Max. Let the Frenchmen have their turn” you smirked and led him over to his cuck chair.

You didn’t wait long for the others to arrive, they were just as eager as Max to get things rolling.

Pierre led you to the bed, sitting you down on it while he unbuckled his belt, eager to have your mouth on him.

You salivated at the sight of his cock, of which the rumours couldn't do justice.

You sucked on his tip gently, taking more of him every time his hips bucked involuntarily.

“I've always wanted to know what you'd look like with your mouth around my cock. And fuck- you're amazing”

He tipped his head back in pleasure as he got closer to the edge surprisingly quickly.

Esteban was behind him, slowly getting undressed while smirking at Max, who was still waiting patiently in the chair, with an obvious tent in his pants.

You were pulled off Pierre's cock by Este' hand in your hair and you heaved in a breath of air.

Pierre helped undress you and got you on all fours between them.

“Have you ever been to Paris?”  Pierre whispered from behind while he was draped over your body, and Esteban chuckled.

You let out a huff as he inserted two fingers inside your embarrassingly wet cunt.

“If that's a joke about the Eiffel tower, don't bother Pierre, I've heard it all before”

Pierre added a third finger before responding.

“Then let me tell you that we will not go easy on you…”

His thick digits were stroking the deepest parts of you, and you could feel yourself slowly losing the ability to speak.

Before long, Pierre was rubbing himself against you and you squirmed as he brushed over your still slightly sore clit.

When he pushed the tip in you knew you were a goner.

It was already stretching you out and he barely had an inch inside you.

Slowly he fit his entire length inside you and stayed like that as he felt your walls pulsing around him.

“Jesus” you choked out “You're so deep…”

Pierre chuckled evilly and rolled his hips as you shuddered with the pleasure of the intense stretch.

Esteban brought your chin up to look at him and he rubbed his tip over your lips, the taste of his precum hitting your senses and you moaned, opening your mouth so he could slide his own cock in.

Contrary to Pierre's words from before, they were being extremely gentle with you. Esteban was careful not to choke you and Pierre's languid thrusts were slow and deliberate, and were driving you utterly insane with need.

As your orgasm crept up on you, you started rocking back and forth between the two Frenchmen, whining desperately as your body started shaking.

“Look at you.. so desperate for cock” Esteban cooed while he stroked your cheek tenderly.

“I can feel you clenching around me baby, I know you're close, you can let go for me” Pierre said and you did just that, creaming around him while his thrusts got sloppier and sloppier as he approached his own orgasm.

Max was not having a good time.

Well, that's half a lie, he was scowling angrily at the others, but his hand was squeezing his cock through his pants, which were becoming unbearably tight at the moment.

He’d never seen Esteban or Pierre in action, but he had to admit you looked very good between them, and they were obviously very good at reading your body despite having had little to no experience with you.

Pierre slid out of you gently and the sound was obscene as your abused cunt struggled to keep him inside.

He fisted his cock hard and fast over you, staring at your twitching hole with an intensity that made butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“My god, I really stretched you out, you’re gaping” he groaned, and came in spurts all over your thighs and puffy, quivering mess of a cunt.

Esteban came in your mouth shortly after, cursing in French and muttering something about your mouth being absolute heaven.

Pierre dragged a couple of fingers through the mess, and brought them to your lips, which you eagerly parted to suck on the mix of his and your cum.

“Fucking hell… such a good girl” he glanced over at Max “I could do this all night… but I think Max might actually kill us if we stay much longer”

You glanced at the man in the corner, and he indeed looked like he wanted nothing more than to kick the other two out.

You giggled at him softly and beckoned him over while Pierre and Esteban got dressed.

He sat next to you, putting a warm hand on your thigh and asked if you were alright.

“Absolutely” you winked at the two men behind him then pulled Max in for a heated kiss.

“I don’t know about you, but I need a shower now. Join me?” you asked cheekily, getting up to give the Frenchmen a goodbye kiss each, while they ogled your naked body.

“Beautiful as always” Esteban smiled and Pierre rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, she’s a goddess, now let’s go before we get our necks broken”

You laughed as they walked over to the door, sending you flying kisses before disappearing through it.

Within a second of it being shut, Max’s body pressed against yours from behind.

“Why don’t I help you clean up, hmm?”

You turned around in his arms and grinned up at him.

“With pleasure”

What followed was possibly the softest sex you’d ever had.

Max lathered you up, washing all the cum and sweat off your body before turning you around against the glass door and pressing you against it.

“I need you so bad, schat” he groaned as you spread your legs and arched your back towards him.

“Then have me Max, I’m all yours”

He moaned as he slipped inside you with barely any resistance.

“Fuck! Pierre was right, you’re so loose…”

Despite all the negative connotations around being loose down there, Max seemed to find it incredibly hot as he whined into the back of your neck.

He thrusted in and out of you slowly as his hips shook with the effort of holding himself back from pounding into you with all his might. The last thing he wanted was to hurt you.

“I’m not- fuck, I’m not going to last long schat… this is so…”

He didn’t finish his sentence, instead using his remaining brain power to slide a hand down your body to circle your clit with mind blowing precision.

“Max, fuck-” you panted, the angle of his hips making his cock rub against that spot that left you breathless every single time. He knew your body like none of the other drivers ever could.

You both came together, panting against the glass and moaning as he filled you up to the brim, only for his cum to leak out of you immediately with how stretched out you were.

Max tried pushing it back in with his fingers but he groaned when he realised he could slip four of them inside easily.

“Give me a minute and I can go again, my god…” he sounded out of breath.

“Maaax…” you huffed “I don’t think I can come again after that”

He laughed and pulled his hand away “I know sweetheart, I was joking” he kissed the back of your neck sweetly before turning the water off and getting out to grab a towel for you.

You both dried off quickly and slipped into bed, curled up in each other’s arms contentedly.

Neither of you said much, until you were half unconscious and Max muttered the most unhinged sentence ever.

“Do you think next time I win, I could try getting my whole fist inside you?”

“Jesus Christ Max! You need to warn me before you say things like that” you gasped as you slapped his chest lightly.

“You didn’t answer my question” he reiterated once you’d settled back down in his arms.

You sighed.

“Go to sleep, Max. We can discuss your next prize if and when you win again”

Max huffed out a laugh and tightened his hold around your body.

“Brat”

[thinkwosolife23]

The Set-up, Leah Williamson

In Y/N's POV:

"You expect me to do what!"

Okay, let's rewind a bit.

I'm Y/N Steinfeld. Yes, it just so happens that my older sister is Hailee Steinfeld. And, it also just so happens that i'm a singer, just like her.

I never did the acting like Hailee has, my main focus has always been my music. I've always done really well with my music. So at the end of this year, I start my very first World Tour. After 5 number 1 singles and a number 1 album, it made sense for a World Tour to be my next step.

However, unbeknown to me, my agent had other plans.

And this is where it all begins.

Somehow, i've ended up on a plane, with my sister and agent, flying from America to England.

2 weeks ago:

The phone call:

Me and Hailee were currently sat in our shared studio; just messing around with different tracks, when my phone rang.

"Hello?" I said when I answered the phone.

"Hi Y/N, it'a Nick." My agent answers.

"Oh, is everything okay?"

"Yes. Well, sort of." He sounded hesitant, almost nervous.

Hailee glanced at me with a questioning look, to which I just shrugged my shoulders at. I was as confused as she was.

"Y/N, I need you to hear me fully out on this okay." He continued.

"I'm not gonna like this, am I?" I could feel myself getting more fustrated at his ominious answers.

"So, as you know, we need to get as much publicity around you as we can before your tour."

"Yeah? Can you just get to the point Nick!"

"Right. Yeah, sure. Me and another agent have been in contact over the past couple of weeks regarding your publicty and we've come up with a plan to heavily boost your publicity." Nick told me, still hesitant to finish.

"And what is this plan?" By this point, my patience running thin. Hailee always knew when I was getting fustrated at something, and gently took ahold of my hand, trying to calm me down.

"Long story short, we are basically planning to stage a relationship. However, it is required of you to be in England for this, so your going to have to fly out."

"You expect me to do what?"

"Y/N, your tour is in jepardy if your don't do this." His voice becoming firmer as he spoke.

"What! So your telling me, that if I don't do this stupid publicity stunt, that I won't be able to go on MY tour. Do you know how fucked up that is?" Anger and fustration now, completely getting the best of me.

"Your flight is booked for 2 weeks from today. You and Leah will be expected in a meeting the day after you land." He answered, not even acknowledging my arguement.

"Leah? Who's Leah?"

"Leah Williamson. She has just captained the England Women's Team to winning the European Championship. Obviously, winning the Euros has brought a lot of attention to her name. Hense, why she is the option we have goe with."

"Right, so, an arrogant, cocky footballer. How lovely."

To say that I was angry would be an understatement. My hands running through my hair in fustration as Hailee pulled my phone from my hold.

"Nick, it's Hailee. I think it's best if you finish this conversation another time. You've clearly upset her, so I would leave her alone for now."

I couldn't hear Nick's response to Hailee. But after a couple of minutes the phone call ended.

Hailee placed herself down, next to me, wrapping her arms around me. Tears now flooding down my face in fustration and realisation of having to leave my country, let alone home, for someone I don't even know.

"Sis, look at me. Whatever it is, we'll get through it." She told me, grabbing my chin to look at her.

"He's making me go to England for some stupid footballer."

"Wait, woah. Calm down, he's making you do what?"

"I've got to go to England. They want to stage a relationship between me and this Leah, to basically bring more attention to me for my tour. But he told me, that if I don't do it, my tour could be cancelled." I told her, through stuttered breaths.

"Right, okay. So, this Leah girl, she hot or no?"

"Hailee, you can't say that." I said, laughing slightly at her outburst.

"Why not? Only the best for my sister. And I made you smile."

Back to now.

Me and Hailee have just arrived, with Nick, for the meeting with Leah and her agent.

We were there before them, so we were already sat and waiting by the time they got there.

Oh Shit. That's Leah.

She fucking gorgeous.

Fuck Me.

Right Y/N, get yourself out of them thoughts. Your not actually supposed to fancy her.

"Hey, i'm Leah." She said, as she got to me, holding her hand out for me to shake.

"I'm Y/N." I took her hand in mine, giving it a squeeze before quickly smiling at her and gently letting her hand go.

Her hands. God, there so soft.

After all the introductions, and everyone meeting each other. All 5 of us sat back down at the table.

We had to listen to our agents bang on about how this plan was supposed to work and what me and Leah had to do to make it believable. They spoke for a good half an hour. I hope they don't expect me to remember all of that.

Leah was sat opposite me. She kept pulling faces and rolling her eyes when either one of the agents were talking. making sure only I saw her doing it, it made me smile back at her before putting my head down so I didn't laugh out loud.

"Right, I think that's everything. We'll leave you two to get to know each other." Nick said, which pulled me out of my thoughts.

Nick, Hailee and Leah's agent all left the table, heading towards another room, leaving me and Leah alone in ther room.

"So…" I said, kind of akwardly. Not really knowing what to say.

"I've followed you for ages, y'know." Leah told me, after another couple minutes of silence.

"You have?"

"Yeah, I love your music. My teammates do too, but they always complain that I play your songs a slight bit too much, before and after matches."

"Your making me feel bad now." I told her, feeling kind of guilty.

"Why? What did I do?"

"No, no. You didn't do anything. I just, when I got told about all of this and you, I didn't really know who you were. Football has never really been my thing."

"Well, at least you say football and not stupid soccer. And hold up, your telling me that you've never watched or been to a football match." Leah said shocked, jokingly clutching her chest.

"No."

"Well, that's definatly gonna have to change. You'll have to come and watch me play."

"You want me to come and watch one of your games."

"Yeah, course."

Her hand reached out for mine, across the table, mine going straight into hers as if it was normal. It felt comfortable, almost natural for us.

"You know, I don't want this whole thing to be all contract and serious. I want us to be comfortable with each other and for us to be able to have fun. The least I want is a friend by the time it's all over."

Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought it would be.

INSTAGRAM

y/n.steinfeld added to story

[kamiko1234]

*EVEN MORE YAPPING AHEAD*

Okay as of now I have finished chapter 3 of The Last Olympian and, OH MAN STUFF'S GOING DOWN.

So first off, I still find it EMBARRASSING how little Camp Halfblood does in terms of war. It's good that they started running missions but they STILL aren't a real army!

They lack a solid command structure,. They lack enough real allies (I guess the gods count as allies technically but like- it's not like they BEHAVE like allies. I mean Kronos' allies are in active communication with him to coordinate and strategize, so far it just seems tho gods are doing their own separate stuff in terms of fighting)

So far their whole strategy feels like the good old soviet approach of "throw men at the enemy and see what runs out first. Our soldiers or our enemies ammo".

EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT CAMP HALFBLOOD DOES NOT HAVE THE NUMBERS FOR THIS STRATEGY AND THE ENEMY WON'T EVER RUN OUT OF AMMO.

Like how have none of these people properly militarized yet!? Why are they running single man missions instead of acting as a closed force!? Why are they FIGHTING OVER LOOT INSTEAD OF PLANNING?

I will give the "why are kids planning a war" thing a pass because, well, kids book and kids wanna see themselves. BUT WHY DIDN'T CHIRON STEP IN WHEN THEY FAUGHT!?

Clarisse just dipped! And with her the entier Ares cabin! And idk if you noticed but those Ares kids LOVE fighting- so for them to just decide to sit this one out? Yeah whatever that reason is it must be GOOD. (Also very based for Clarisse. I mande it more than clear that I do not like CHB, the more people are done with it the better)

Am I the only one realizing how BAD that is!? For your main fighting force to be so divided that entier GROUPS just decide to sit it out because the rest fucked up and no one addressed the problem!?

And how come that these cabins STILL ACT MORE LOYAL INWARDS THAN TO THE ARMY!? THAT'S BAD TOO YK.

I swear if you don't wanna do the whole "united front" thing ATLEAST INTRODUCE PROPER MILITARY STRUCTURE.

You guys I am genuinly worried about CHB right now. As I see it they were already massivley underequippe to deal with Luke. Much less with KRONOS.

I mean sure they have Percy, but like- he's ONE GUY. He ain't gonna be enough to believably deal with and defeat the entier army!

Honestly at this point the only way I can see Kronos being defeated is him falling down a flight of stairs and accidentaly impaling himself on his own scythe 💀

Also on anothernote, I finally found out the entierty of that prophecy and that Percy's apperantly going to die..... and well, I feel nothing.

Like genuinly nothing.

I do not care wether he lives or dies.

I mean, I'd still PREFER it if Percy wouldn't cosplay a martyr and end up with Uncle Hades but like- even if he does it wouldn't be the worst for me.

To be quite honest I find Percy a bit boring compared to the other characters at this point. He feels to have very little to no actual conflict when next to the other characters.

Like, what sort of conflicts does Percy have?

-Shitty Dad/Parental Issues? He has a locing mom, Poseidon is one of the better Dads in terms of Gods. Gabe was a dick no doubt, but he's been taken care off for ages now and doesn't rly affect Percy much anyway. And we don#t even have the "I got no dad 😢" plotline with Percy either 'cause he as Paul now to fill that role!

-Struggling with his ADHD and dyslexia? Both had little no no impact on the story like, at all. Often times it feels like they aren't even there to beginn with.

-Luke betraying him? He immideatly switched to full on hate and enemy mentality with Luke. He doesn't struggle with the guy suddenly being evil or fighting him. Neither dies he still believe in the good in Luke like Annabeth.

-His fatal flaw? I already made a seperate post on why I don#t really like that one.

Those are the main ones comming to mind BESIDES the prophecy introduced this book. But ngl? I already lost intrest in Percy in favor of Luke. I don't REALLY care anymore.

I guess we also have the plotline with Annabeth where it's very obviously heading for a romance. But I also couldn't care less about Percabeth as a ship. At most they mildly annoy me due to the fandom shoving it down my throat whever I dabble my toes in it.

Like, yeah Percy started out cool but now? I'd rather know more about Luke, Thalia and Annabeth. I wanna know more about Clarisse. I want to know more of the innerworkings of the camp.

Percy just became a sort of, meh factor to me.

I am HOPING that it get's better though since it would be SUCH a waste if I really stayed apathetic to the main character. There are hopes with Percy in his fight with Kronos noting that it's hard for him to kill Luke/Kronos in Luke's body.

As always I ask to mark any spoilers in your rebolgs or replies should you make them, thank you very much ^^

[pancakesanddiatribes]

in a manner of speaking

heyyyy there, i finally managed to finish this little piece that has been in my mind for a while. in my head, this is what happened to japril after they leave for interviews in 8x20. i really am enjoying writing this snippets so much; of course, life happens so I can't be as quick as i'd want to, but still i hope you enjoy it 🫶🏻

thank youuuuuuu

here a little preview for you 💗

"You know what? If they never send your suitcase back, I’ll contact the Foundation’s best lawyer and we’ll sue them for two million dollars. Maybe this is your chance to become a rich, handsome surgeon like me," he joked, and the sneering ha-ha she served him in return confirmed the mood had lightened at last.

in a manner of speaking

"This is already going badly. This is a sign from above; I'm telling you, Jackson" — he looked at her, half amused, half concerned — "I am telling you! I don't have my folders, thanks to Cristina, and now I don't even have my good suit, thanks to the stupid airline, or the flight attendant, or whatever incompetent baggage handler was supposed to look after my—"

"April! April, calm down! You're going to give yourself a heart attack. Actually, you're going to give ME a heart attack! Please, let's take a break for a moment."

He was a bit frustrated but not truly angry. Jackson knew well that she was the anxious type, so it only made sense that she would freak out when her suitcase was slightly delayed. We know it’s an inconvenience, ma’am, but we’ll send it to your hotel later tonight. You and your belongings will be reunited by 7 a.m. tomorrow at the latest, we promise.

Of course, that promise meant absolutely nothing to April, who had already contemplated the possibility of being interviewed in her underwear. What thought process had led her to consider that scenario even remotely plausible? Jackson had no idea.

"April, listen to me," he said, slowly stroking her shoulders. "There’s nothing more we can get from them. Let’s check in at the hotel and grab something to eat. We can order takeout or stop at a place nearby—either works for me. Your call."

"Takeout," she said, defeat in her voice, her big eyes slightly downturned. "I'm sorry for putting you through this, really. You've got your big interview tomorrow, too. It’s just... why do these things always happen to me? What if my suitcase never arrives?"

"You know what? If they never send your suitcase back, I’ll contact the Foundation’s best lawyer and we’ll sue them for two million dollars. Maybe this is your chance to become a rich, handsome surgeon like me," he joked, and the sneering ha-ha she served him in return confirmed the mood had lightened at last.

When they entered the hotel lobby, April was definitely calmer; still worried about her perfect interview suit being missing, of course, but now more focused on the food they were about to order in a few minutes.

"Good evening, Mr.—"

"Dr. Avery, and this is Dr. Kepner. We have two rooms booked for tonight."

"Yes, I see the bookings here," the receptionist said. "As requested, the rooms are on the same floor. In fact, they’re right next to each other." She added, after checking their IDs and handing them two keycards.

April chuckled as they walked toward the elevator.

"I bet you regret asking for the rooms to be on the same floor now. What if I go nuts in the middle of the night and come banging at your door, screaming for my suitcase?"

"In that case, I’ll double-lock myself in so I’m not assaulted by a crazy woman with no clean clothes."

"Oh my God, I don’t have any clean clothes! I don’t even have my night socks!" she exclaimed, her voice rising an octave—again.

"I don’t know about night socks, but I’ve got an extra pair of regular socks you can borrow. And also a pair of jogging shorts and a t-shirt, if you want. They’re not your size, for sure, but you just need them to sleep in, not to do a fashion show so..."

"Thank you, Jackson. I’m not really in a position to refuse any clean clothes. They’ll do their job fan-ta-sti-cal-ly."

Once they reached their floor, she entered Jackson’s room and waited for him to search through his suitcase. It didn’t take long though; he packed his stuff so neatly that April had to roll her eyes.

"Nice, there are plenty of takeout flyers here - she indicated the bedsite table - How do you feel about pizza?"

"Pizza will certainly do", he replied as he handed her the clothes.

She took them a bit too fiercefully and he laughed a little, "Perfect, you're calling then - I now have a date with the shower. The usual is fine for me, Jackson!", he heard her say while closing his bedroom's door.

"We can never be bored here", he muttered under his breath, and looked for the pizza flyer.

When he knocked on her door half an hour later, she was showered and dressed. Well, covered at least. His shorts looked a bit ridiculous on her, but she wasn’t really paying attention to her appearance. "Finally. Were you making the pizza from scratch?", her impatience evident. "Hey, you’re only dressed because of me and you’re only going to eat because I called for the pizza. I deserve some respect here."

He entered her room with the pizza in one hand and a bottle of red in the other. "Pizza and wine? Where did you get that?" "At the hotel bar. And shush, I don't want to hear any complaints: if you know how to select the right one, wine can go with everything. Come on, let’s eat, and grab the two glasses they put in the bathroom."

"Don’t put the pizza on the bed, Jackson!" she shouted from the bathroom. "Give me some credit, April, I’m not a caveman." "Aren’t you? All this time living with Alex should have taught you a thing or two." That remark made him laugh; she really couldn’t stand Alex’s lifestyle.

"How much do I owe you for all of this?" she asked, gesturing at the food. "Don’t worry about it; this delightful treat is on me. You’ve already had a stressful evening." "But—" "Hey, be quiet and eat your pizza."

He then changed the subject and asked if she was prepping for tomorrow’s interview, noticing the computer and notebook open on the bed behind them— they were both sitting next to each other on the carpet. "Yeah. Luckily, I had my computer bag with me. I would’ve gone full-on crazy if they’d delayed that as well." She did go full-on crazy earlier, but Jackson felt it was safer not to mention it. He poured the wine, and she made a toast.

"To my interview in your jogging shorts." "At least now you’re not doing it in your underwear." "They’d probably think this—" she gestured to her outfit, "is the worst walk of shame outfit ever." "I’m taking away the pizza now." He jokingly moved the pizza box away from her, so her pretend apology arrived while taking a big bite of a slice. "Oh no, no, I’m sorry. This Tuxedomoon t-shirt with these weirdly shaped geometric doodles is so fitting for a job interview. They’ll love it, for sure." "You’d be showing off your great knowledge with this t-shirt." "About? Some secret code only rich kids get? What is this Tuxedomoon, anyway? The name of your fancy frat house in college?" "Oh my God, you’re such a loser. Tuxedomoon is a very cool post-punk band from San Francisco. They’re amazing." "Post-punk?" The shockwas evident on her face; the mockery too. "Are you really telling me you’re a post-punk kind of guy, or were you just posing as the mysterious freakish gloomy kid to hit on the edgy, maverick chick?" "I don’t need disguises to hit on anyone, maverick or not," he remarked cockily, throwing a small cushion at her. "And Tuxedomoon is really cool. Here, let me show you. This one’s famous—I bet you know it." The excitement in Jackson’s voice made her roll her eyes again. Before the pizza arrived, April had still been stuck in her head, thinking about her lost suit and the interview and what they would think of her unwashed, flight-worn clothes. But now, she was feeling better; definitely more at ease. This wine works magic, she thought, while her friend jumped on the bed to find that obviously very famous song. He was dorky in his own way; super handsome and often unsurprisingly charming - she could not deny it - but he had his little funny quirks. At least I’m not the only weird one in this room.

When the music started, the rhythm seemed distantly familiar to her. She bobbed her head to the tune; it wasn’t bad, actually, until the singer opened his mouth. April couldn’t hide her grin. The man’s voice was too odd for her taste, and it ruined the otherwise beautiful song. "Jackson, how can you like his voice?" "Why? What’s wrong with it?" He sounded slightly offended. "It’s... I don’t know. It’s weird, like he’s singing with his throat inflamed or something. It makes me laugh a little. Sorry, you can't have your way with me! Your great post-punk band does not impress me, but —" "Whatever, your loss." He knew she didn’t mean it that way, but for half a second, the words I could have my way with you crossed his mind. Gross, Jackson. Unbelievably gross. She’s your friend—and a virgin. "BUT, if you please allow me to finish, I actually know the song. Well, I know a better version of it. One that would definitely impress the ladies more." She winked at him while grabbing the computer to play it, and he snorted because the gesture was silly, and because he sincerely doubted that her version could top his in any way. The music began again, this time with a gentler melody, soft guitar, and a low hum. April's shoulders started moving to the rhythm, and she felt the urge to sing a little, dance a little, do something a little. They both drifted into the singer's silky voice when April suddenly stood up, grinning, and belted out the chorus. They lived together, so Jackson had heard her sing before—sometimes in the shower, other times when she had her headphones on. She wasn’t professionally trained, but she had a pleasant voice. Still, this April was different. When she stood up, she forgot about the interview, about the delayed suitcase and, for an instant, she even forgot Jackson was there. It all faded into the background. It took only this instant of forgetfulness - convincing herself she was somehow alone - to make her body move freely. She was singing the chorus, gently touching her hair and neck with one hand, and gripping his oversized, ridicolous shorts she was wearing with the other. It was all very spontaneous; she wasn't paying attention to him, nor was she thinking about her movements - she was only doing. But Jackson was paying attention and, even more, he was thinking; he was thinking the unthinkable and the absurd. The word sultry came to his mind. The song had a sensuality to it, and April —well, okay, she's hot. She is. It's not like I want her to be hot, she just is. I'm a guy, I cannot not see it. I'm allowed to think that of a friend, it's called being honest.

Was he, really, allowed though? He felt it in his guts, for a second, but shoved it aside as soon as it arose. She's just having fun, Jackson told himself. There's nothing more to it. She's not flirting with you, she's not trying to seduce you. She's having fun. Let her have fun. And don't be weird. Then, she locked eyes with him, and that instant split in two: two separate moments, inestricably connected, occurring one after the other in an overly rapid succession. It was impossibly brief, but in that fleeting moment, Mark Sloan’s words echoed in her mind: I think I could take this one for the team; I think I can; I think I want to. She had never done anything like it before, but she knew she could seduce him. She would seduce him. She was seducing him already. His parted lips and half-closed eyes confirmed it. In that very moment, something happened in the pit of her stomach: a sudden emptiness and a curious warmth; and then, the warm sensation filled the emptiness. This - this isn't right, right? This doesn't happen, April. Don't make a fool of yourself. We're having a good time here, you don't get to ruin it with crazy thoughts. Have a good time. She blinked - the two moments made the one instant. While her eyes locked with Jackson's, that first moment made room for the second, and the whole instant passed, as quickly as it came. "See?" she smiled, snapping back to herself without almost not realizing it. "This version is so much better. Way more soothing. It’s a vibe." "Yeah, well, I didn’t know bossa nova made its way to Moline. I thought farm girls only went for country music and folk ballads." She snatched a slice of pizza from his hand and sat back down beside him. The amount of space between them had never felt really significant—until now. Now, somehow, they could not ignore its presence — or the lack of. "You know, you’re pretty narrow-minded for a big-city boy." "Let’s hope your interviewers tomorrow aren’t narrow-minded when they see you wearing my jogging shorts." She playfully slapped his arm, and they both laughed, sharing more pizza and red, pushing all their thoughts - including those about the next day’s interviews - away from their minds.

________________________________

if you are interested, these are the songs Jackson and April are listening to :

Jackson's preferred version

April's preferred version

[celandeline]

Summer of Like // Farleigh Start x OC (1)

“Yes… New York, that’s correct. JFK, if that’s possible, but LaGuardia works too if… you’re sure the closest flight you have is next Monday?” I run a hand down my face, and flop back against my dorm bed, cell phone wedged between my shoulder and my ear. “Sure, fuck it, put me on a waitlist. Yes, call me if a seat opens up… yes, this number is the quickest way to reach me.” I stare up at the ceiling as the receptionist talks, her polite, Britishness, beginning to grate. “Yes, thank you. Bye.”

I snap my phone closed and toss it as far away from me as I can with a groan. It’s sweltering, it’s exam week, and I can’t get a fucking flight home to Brooklyn for the life of me. The dorm is half packed - clothes and shoes from the winter stowed away in trunks, along with all of the non-essentials (decor and trinkets and the like). The rest of my belongings are scattered around, collateral damage from the mess of the last weeks of school. I long for the streets of New York - I haven’t had a bodega sandwich in almost a year. “If I have to stay on this stuffy-ass pretentious campus for even a week longer than I have to I might just slit my wrists in the fucking bath.” I say, mostly to the ceiling. I am so tired of Cambridge. 

“Jesus, Evie.” 

I sit up to look at Venetia - my flatmate, and one of my only friends here. She’s one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen. She’s maybe the only person in the world that can make bottle blonde look high end. Somehow she toes the line between cute and sexy without seeming like she’s trying too hard - on anyone else, dark grunge eye makeup and a button nose would look silly, but on her… she’s like Helen of Troy in Saint Laurent sunglasses. She's a good angel sent to make my year at Cambridge so, so much easier. It’s hard to make friends as an American exchange student at one of the most pretentious English schools in the world. Harder still when Venetia is also something of an outcast herself. I don’t care much though - she’s worth ten of these other British schoolgirls. “Sorry.”

She barely glances up at me, too busy filing her nails into rounded almond points at my desk, little flakes of old nail polish falling all over my schoolwork scattered there. “It’s your own fault for leaving it until exam week.”

“I know.” I say. I really should have booked a flight back home sooner, but it’s hard to remember to do anything else when you’re drowning in schoolwork and vodka at the same time. “I just didn’t think it would be such a pain in the ass to get home. I mean really, it’s like the whole fucking country’s just decided to go to New York. I’m on seven waitlists to fly economy, V. And I still have finals to do.” 

She grins down at her fingernails. “New Yawk.” She snickers, mocking my accent. “Still so American, even after a whole year here.”

“Might be two years if I don’t get a flight home.” I grumble, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. “What color are you doing this time?”

Venetia holds up two bottles - one a dark gray, one more of a silver. “I’m thinking gunmetal underneath, silver on top.” She says conversationally, turning back to the desk to focus on her nails. “You could always come to Saltburn with me.”

“What?” I say, taken aback by her nonchalance. “V- c’mon. I can’t just go live in your family’s castle at the last minute, I mean, we leave campus in like two days.” These rich kids - I swear they think anything can happen at the snap of their pretty fingers. And she does have quite pretty fingers. 

She shrugs. “It’s not that big of a deal - I mean, Felix brings someone home every year. Never the same person either.” She grins. “He’s a bit of a slut - in that way.”

“We leave campus in two days.” I repeat. Venetia - for all her lovely qualities - sometimes forgets about the logistics of things. I mean, if I was fuck-off rich, I’m sure I would too, but there just isn’t enough time for arrangements to be made for me to stay at her family’s mansion. It’s a generous offer, but… “I don’t want to just show up V, that’s so presumptuous. Rude, even. And I’ve got a whole year's worth of stuff with me, I can’t just lug it all to your house.”

“But you so totally can.” Venetia says, swiping nail polish over her fingertips. “There are at least six bedrooms that no one uses Evie, it would be no problem at all. And there’s more than enough room for all your luggage. Really, the house is just begging to have more people in it - why do you think Mum throws so many parties? The place is too empty - and it’s so boring over the summer, really you’d be doing us both a favor Evie, please?” She turns her head, batting her long eyelashes at me. 

God, she’s pretty. Too pretty for her own good. But- “I don’t want to intrude - I wouldn’t know anyone but you, V. It’d be awkward.” I say. I really would rather not feel out of place for a whole summer when I could be eating delicious bodega sandwiches with my friends that I haven’t seen in a year. 

“Please Evelyn?” She pleads again, this time using my full name. She only ever uses my full name when she really wants something. “It’s the perfect solution - you don’t have to stress about getting home, and I’ll finally have a friend to bring for the summer. I’ll have someone to talk to besides Felix and whatever poor soul he brings.”

“I can’t, V. It’s too last minute - I don’t want to intrude. I can’t.” I say. 

She sighs, a long, drawn out thing that sinks into my chest and twists around my heart in that way that only she can do. My determination to go home falters. Would it be so bad to stay in England for the summer? I’m already here - it’s not like I’d have to fly (and fight with the airline). The whole point I came to study abroad at Cambridge was to experience English culture, and what better way to do it than to stay in a giant fuck-off castle for a few months? And she seems so… desperate, really. I’ve always sort of been able to tell that she’s never had many friends just by the way she acts - and how the other girls here act around her - and the way she talks about how her brother always brings someone home makes me think that she’s a little jealous. 

“You’re sure it wouldn’t be too last minute?” I ask. 

Her face lights up, and she turns around in her seat again. “Not at all - the guest bedrooms are always made up anyway, it wouldn’t even be an issue. And it would be such fun to have you there, Evie - Mum will be so excited that I’ve brought a friend home. And Farleigh will finally have another American to talk to - it’ll be great, promise!”

next part >

[age-of-greta]

The Sun

The Sun presents a feeling of optimism and fulfillment. It represents the dawn which follows the darkest of nights.

Author’s note: hi!! Welcome back to The Sun! Sorry it’s been a while, life is busy and I try to write when I can. I hope you enjoy this ~spicy~ chapter

Pairing: Josh x reader & Jake x reader

Warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption, smutttttttt, minors DNI

Word count: 8.3k

PART 3:

“I’m actually so depressed that you’re leaving me for a week.” You groaned, as you plopped down on his bed.

“I know. I’m not sure how you’re going to survive without me.” Josh said, throwing a pair of socks into his bag.

You huffed and folded your arms. Josh was about to leave you for a whole entire week. Well, really just five days, but close enough. He was going to meet with a vocal coach to prepare him for the sound of their new album. You were really bummed about it. You and Josh had spent virtually everyday together for weeks. He was your best friend and the thought of him leaving to go to LA made you feel sick. You wondered if he would be going to lavish parties with other people in the industry. Would he meet other people? Other girls? That’s completely normal worries to have about your best friend, right?

“What time is your flight tomorrow again?” You ask, picking at the ends of your hair.

“8:45 am.”

“And we’re still getting breakfast before I take you to the airport?”

Josh chuckles. “I hope so.”

“Okay.” You respond.

Josh closes his bag and sits down next to you. “I wish I didn’t have to go either. But it’s only a few days and I’ll call you as much as I can.”

You smile at him. “I know. I’m being such a baby about this.”

He smiles back and places his hand on your knee. “I think it’s sweet.”

Your eyes meet his and you feel a strange feeling brewing.

“Hey Josh, do you need this?”

You remove your eyes and see Jake standing in the doorway holding a neck pillow. He makes a face when sees you and Josh.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks.” Josh responds, getting up and grabbing the pillow from Jake.

“Didn’t know you were here Sug.” Jake says, crossing his arms.

You nod. “I’m taking Josh to the airport in the morning.”

Jake bites his lip. “Hm, okay.”

He glances you over once more before heading back down the hallway.

“Alright, I think I’m finally packed.” Josh throws all of his bags by the door and turns back to you. “Wanna order Chinese?”

“Oh yes please. I’m starving.” You say dramatically.

“Okay. You mind asking everyone else if they want anything? I’m going to throw all of this in the car and make a phone call real quick.”

You salute him. “Yes sir. Can do.”

Josh drags his bags down the stairs while you wonder around the halls looking for the other three.

“Danny?” You knock on his door. No response. “Sam?” You yell down the hallway. Nothing. You huff heading downstairs, but it’s also a ghost town. Finally, you open the back door and see Jake sitting by the fire pit reading. You glance around, still not seeing anyone else before deciding to head over and approach him. “Um, hey have you seen Sam or Danny?”

Jake glances up at you and slides his sunglasses off his nose. “They’re gone.”

“Oh.” You state. “Josh and I are ordering Chinese food and we wanted to see if anyone else wanted anything.”

He closes his book and turns to face you. “You can sit, you know.”

You glance down at the chair next to Jake and decide to take a seat. “What are you reading?”

Jake grins at you. “The Hobbit.”

You let out a laugh. “Again?!”

He nods his head. “Yeah. It’s one of the greatest novels of all time.”

“You and your Tolkien.” You huff. “It is one of the best books I’ve ever read though.”

Jake looks at you incredulously. “You read it?”

You nod. “And The Lord of the Rings trilogy.”

“When?”

You shrug. “Not super long ago.”

You didn’t want to tell him you had read all of those novels to try and feel closer to him. But once you started reading them, you had actually enjoyed them quite a bit.

“You’re full of surprises Sugar. Always keeping me on my toes.” Jake says, still smiling largely at you.

Josh walks outside and sits next to you. “So what’s the verdict?”

You clear your throat. “Sam and Danny aren’t here.”

Josh raises his eyebrows. “Oh lovely. Jake, what do you want?”

Jake stretches out a little. His shirt rises ever so slightly and reveals a small sliver of his stomach. You try not to look but fail. “I’m good.”

Josh makes a face at him. “You love Chinese food.”

Jake shrugs. “I’ll be out later.”

“Mhm.” Josh nods. “Holly or Katie?”

Jake shoots his twin a foul look.

Josh throws his hands up then faces you. “Okay. Wanna go get this order started.”

“Yep.” You say coolly, getting up to follow Josh.

As you walk away you glance back at Jake. He’s looking at you, like he wants to say something. But he doesn’t say anything, so neither do you.

**

“This is so freaking good.” You say, plopping chopsticks full of noodles into your mouth.

Josh smiles at you while chewing. “I told you. I have the best recommendations.”

You were both sprawled out on his bed watching an old western film that you had never seen before, but Josh definitely had.

“Josh?” You say, timidly turning towards him.

He glances over to you. “Hm?”

You purse your lips in contemplation before speaking. “I really have enjoyed spending so much time with you. You’re my best friend.”

He bites back what appears to be the beginning of a grimace before smiling back softly at you. “I have too. I love you, you know.”

You grin at him. “I know.”

He bites his lip. “Do you?”

You stare at him and give him a soft smile. Unsure as to where he might be going with this. Josh lets out a bated breath and reaches close to your face, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. For some reason your heart is pounding. It’s getting louder, but it’s not your heart. You jolt when you realize someone is beating on Josh’s door.

“Oh what the fuck.” He mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He groans and opens the door to see Sam standing there. “What?” Josh bites.

Sam furrows his brows at Josh and then glances over to you. “Sorry to disturb you… I just wanted to come by and wish you well on your travels before I went out tonight. If I’m successful, I won’t be home this evening.”

Sam gives Josh a wink and Josh clears his throat. “Yes, well thank you Sam. Good luck to you as well.”

He grins at his brother and shifts his eyes to you. “Will we be seeing you at all this week?”

You shrug. “I’m not sure. I’ve got a busy work week ahead and I really need to hang some shelves in my bathroom.”

“I told you I’ll do that for you when I get back. You're not the greatest at making things level.” Josh pokes.

Sam fake gasps and nudges his brother. “What a gentleman. If you get bored after work or are looking for trouble, you know where to find us.” Sam says with a wink.

You huff a laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Well, I don't want to hold you guys up any longer. Good luck Josh. Love you guys!” Then Sam is waltzing away to get into God knows what.

Josh closes his door and lets out a chuckle. “He’s going to be the death of me one day.”

You shake your head. “He loves you.”

He smiles at you. “He’s a little shit.”

“Can’t argue with you there.” You say, smiling back at him.

Josh rejoins you on the bed, picking up his container of rice and scooting ever so closer to you than he was before.

After you both had finished eating you had cleaned up and longued about before getting ready for bed. You grabbed your micellar water and doused it on a cotton pad to remove your mascara. You smiled when you glanced at the place it had lived in Josh’s bathroom. In fact, you had a whole shelf full of your small toiletries that you needed when you stayed over. After completing a quick version of your nightly routine you slid in bed next to Josh, adjusting your pillow just how you liked it.

“I need to get you softer pillows for when you stay over huh?” Josh laughs.

“I don’t know how you sleep on these flat things.” You say, fluffing up the pillow.

“Believe it or not, sleeping on flatter pillows is better for singers. It helps even out the breath in your sleep, leaving better airflow for your vocal chords.”

You make a slightly surprised face at him. “Wait, really?”

He turns and smirks at you. “I have no idea. I just made all of that up. Flat pillows are better though.”

You playfully smacked his chest, leaving your hand there. “Josh! I totally bought that. I think I would believe anything you said to me. That’s a dangerous quality to have. You should start a cult.”

He scooted closer to you. “Yeah? Would you be a member?”

You grinned at him. “Oh, I’d be your biggest fan. Give me that Kool-Aid, no questions asked.”

He snickered at that. “Good to know. Loyalty is of utmost importance when embarking on such a journey.”

You absentmindedly fidgeted with his necklaces. “Loyalty is everything. But I would need to know what my leader thinks the meaning of life is?”

He puts his arm out while you nuzzle yourself into it. This was somewhat of a new position. But you two were best friends, so testing the waters was platonic of course. This is what you told yourself as you took in his scent in an anything but innocent way. “The meaning of life?”

Josh pondered for a minute, lightly tracing circles on your arm. “To be happy and to be with people you love. Where there is love, we must live on. Where there is not love, we must provide it.”

You fluttered your eyes closed, feeling sleep sinking in. “I like that. You’re very poetic.”

He turns his head towards you and places a small kiss on your forehead. “Goodnight sleepy girl.”

**

You groggily woke up the next morning at an ungodly hour. Josh still had his arm lightly across you. You gently lifted it up, smiling at his soft snores and scooted out underneath him. You quietly crept to the bathroom doing a small routine before slinking down the stairs. You wanted to make Josh some coffee and surprise him with cooked breakfast before he headed off this morning. You tried to remain quiet through the house, not wanting to disturb anyone. Then you remembered you were probably the only two here. That wasn’t the case when you turned the corner and saw Jake sitting at the kitchen island. He was in a pair of very worn navy sweatpants with a steaming cup of coffee sitting next to the same book from earlier. He had made significant progress through the pages since you last saw him. It was early. Did he just make it back from whatever he did last night? You tried not to make any sound, but your heart sunk when you realized the sweatpants he was wearing were a gift from you.

“Morning.” You said lightly as you entered the kitchen.

Jake glanced up at you, almost surprised to see you. “Good morning.”

You began to clink around with the mugs, trying to act entirely normal.

“Sleep well?” Jake asked from behind you.

You nod your head, placing two stone mugs on the counter. “I did. How was your… night?”

Jake shrugged. “Got a lot of work done in the studio. Then came back and crashed.”

The studio. He was there. Not at someone else’s house. That made you feel relieved and it ate you alive simultaneously that you even cared.

“I don’t remember you being an early riser.” You poked, pressing buttons on the fancy coffee machine.

He half smiled at you. “I’m full of surprises too Sug.”

You met his eyes and couldn’t help but grin back at him. “I’ve changed a bit.” He offers, in a quieter tone, his expression too serious to read.

You swallow hard, trying to figure out what to say. Trying to figure out just what he meant.

Your thoughts are plundered by the soft padding of Josh making his way into the kitchen. “Morning.” He says through a long stretch and yawn. He eyes Jake. “Why are you up?”

“Wanted to get a jump start on my day I suppose.” Jake responds to his twin, rather flatly.

Josh turns to you and smiles. “Is that my coffee?”

You let out a small laugh and nod.

“You’re my absolute favorite person, you know that?” Josh gushes as he heads over to you and wraps you in a hug while grabbing his coffee.

You giggle at him. “So sappy Joshy.”

He plants a kiss on your head dramatically. “Ah, just for you.”

Jake clears his throat.

You're transported back to reality for a moment and realize how cozy you and Josh are. To you, this felt normal. Natural even. But you could see how it might look to Jake.

“Anyway, I had planned on making you breakfast before your big trip. But it appears you only have Ritz crackers and margarita mix.”

Josh laughs. “Now that is a meal. Don’t sweat it, let me go get everything ready and we’ll stop somewhere before you drop me off.”

Josh grabs his mug and darts off towards the stairs, leaving you and Jake in silence. You take a few sips of your coffee, leaning against the countertops. Jake has resumed reading his book while absentmindedly tapping his fingers on the counter. You had come to learn this was something he did when he had a particular riff stuck in his head.

Finally, you broke the silence. “Better go get ready.”

He glanced over at you. “Sure.”

You couldn’t help but notice the bite in his tone.

**

It was too early for any normal breakfast place to be open so you and Josh settled at a Dunkin Donuts close to the airport.

“Pink frosted sprinkled donuts are my spirit animal I think.” You joked, biting into your sweet treat.

Josh smiled at you. “That donut is an embodiment of you.”

“Philosophical Joshua. I have a confession though…”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Do tell.”

“Pink frosted sprinkle donut. Right? But what’s the flavor? It doesn’t taste like artificial strawberry or like medicine, bubblegum or cotton candy. The taste is simply… pink.”

Josh cackles and claps at your revelation. “Oh my god. You finally get it now babe.”

Babe? That was new. It made a warmness flutter in your chest.

You tried not to sound bashful. “Yeah, I think I do.”

Josh smiled at you as he licked chocolate frosting from his thumb and sighed. “We should head over soon.”

You frowned. “You’re probably right.”

He grins. “That’s typically the case.”

You fake roll your eyes. “Can it.”

You put your car in reverse and drive the short distance to the drop off at the airport. Josh is lightly humming to a Joe Cocker song that had come on shuffle. Somehow during the short ride his hand found it’s way on yours. You tried not to think too much on it, but it felt nice. What the fuck was happening to you?

The bustle of the airport was still chaotic even at this ungodly hour.

“Fuck.” Josh muttered.

“Hey, be safe okay? Keep me updated on when you land and all that.” You say.

“Yes ma’am. Thank you for taking me. I really appreciate everything.”

You softly smile at him. “Of course.”

“Well.” He groans. “Better go before that whistle starts blowing.”.

He leans over and grips you in a tight hug before grabbing his carry-on and opening the door.

“It’s not really a goodbye. Just a farewell for now.” Josh offers with a bright smile, standing at the door.

“Okay people move along!” One of the traffic officers yell accompanied by a whistle.

“See? Told ya. These fuckin whistles.” Josh scoffs.

You laugh at him. “Be safe! Come back in one piece please.”

He winks at you. “I’ll try.”

**

A dreadfully boring Wednesday had rolled around. The week had already been long, you had been in the office the past three days. It was now nearing dark and you were so excited to throw some frozen orange chicken in the air fryer and make a lazy version of stirfry as soon as you had gotten home. Traffic had been brutal and you were on the final stretch, finally making that turn towards your townhome. You parked your car and grabbed your work tote, thankful that you only had one more day to work this week until you had three days off. Subsequently, you were so excited to see Josh again. You two had kept in touch of course calling and texting, but you were both also busy. You unlocked your door and kicked your black heels off at the door. You threw your tote bag and baby blue blazer down on the table. You know you shouldn’t cook dinner in your work attire, but your stomach is too empty for you to care. You tied an apron around your waist, trying to hide the white bodysuit and baby blue slacks from any stains. Then you got to work taking out your frozen vegetables and putting them in the skillet with oil. You put on a Dire Straits album and swayed around your kitchen as you let your mind wander. It was liberating doing such a mundane task after a long day. A knock at your door disrupted your thoughts. You made at face and glanced at your phone. No texts from anyone and you weren’t expecting company. You wiped your hand on a dish towel and felt ready to let whoever was on the other side of that door that they needed to go. But when you opened the door you were taken aback slightly. It was Jake. He had a toolbox on hand.

“Good evening Sugar.” He smirked.

You furrowed your brows at him. “Jake, what are you doing?”

He shrugged. “Sam had mentioned something about some bathroom shelves.”

You pursed your lips together. “I can hang them.”

He laughed and stepped by you into your house. “As if. Come on let me do this for you Sugs. Friends remember?”

You huffed a little. “Okay. Well, um I’m cooking dinner. Orange chicken stirfry. Would you like some?”

He smiled at you. “Absolutely. Nice place you got here. Want to direct me to where you would like these shelves?”

**

You had lit a scented candle. Why? You don’t know. For some reason you were nervous. You could hear Jake with a drill in your bathroom as you anxiously tapped your fingers as you plated the food. You took two plates and sat it on your kitchen table, then grabbed two wine glasses and your favorite bottle of moscato. You placed everything down, took your apron off, and smoothed your hair before heading towards your bathroom. He was just finishing hanging the first shelf. His brows pinched up in concentration, while he had a drill bit hanging out of his mouth. He had always been a perfectionist.

“Looks good.” You say, standing in the doorway crossing your arms.

He pops the drill bit out of his mouth and turns to give you a smile. “Yeah?”

You nod. “Dinner’s ready.”

You turn back heading towards the kitchen and hear Jake picking up. He joins you just a few minutes after and takes a seat across from you while you scroll on your phone.

“Oh Sug, this smells great.” He says with a smirk.

You place your phone down and force a laugh. “Thanks. Most of it is frozen though. I rarely have time to cook anything else. Wine?”

“Please.” He says, tipping his glass towards you.

You uncork the bottle and pour the chilled wine half way full in each glass.

“It’s my favorite. Not too sweet, not too bitter.”

Jake swirls the wine around in the glass and brings it to his nose before taking a sip. “Wow okay, yeah. You have good taste.”

You shrug and try to act like that’s not a huge compliment coming from him as you poke around your plate with your fork.

“So, tell me all about you. What’s new?” Jake asks, taking a bite of food.

You hum. “Nothing too exciting. I work a lot. I occasionally go out and I enjoy going to the park to read.”

“Enthralling stuff there honey. But let’s cut the boring shit here. That’s not us. What’s really been going on? Have you dated anyone seriously since me?”

You can’t help but smile at his bluntness. “No, not seriously anyway. Have you?”

“No.” He responds with a grin.

You take a sip of your wine. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

He raises an eyebrow at you but keeps that grin on his face. “How come?”

“Well Jake, you’re not exactly relationship material.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Maybe not for most. But I was for you.”

You felt your cheeks grow pink. Fuck. Why did he affect you like this? Play it cool. “Right.”

“Despite everything. I always thought about you. Wondered about how you were, what you were doing, who you were with. Sometimes I would think I would look out into the crowd at a show and see you there.” He admitted, flicking his gaze towards the table as he talked.

The wine had made you feel warm inside, at least you told yourself that was the reason. “I’ve been fine. Building my career, working on myself, loving myself.” You paused, finding those honey brown eyes. “But of course I had thought about you too. From time to time.”

He smiled at your acknowledgment. “Well hot damn. After all of this time, look at us huh? Who would’ve thought we’d end up here?”

You shook your head and laughed. “Not me.”

After you two had wrapped up dinner and finished the whole entire bottle of wine you had changed into lounge clothes and migrated to your couch, spending hours talking and giggling. At some point Jake’s hand found its way to rest on your calf as you sat criss cross facing him while he leaned towards you.

“So moral of the story, that’s why Sam no longer drinks kombucha before shows.”

You giggled at his stories as he tried to fill you in on every major detail that had happened since you two had last been together.

“God you really have lived an adventure huh?” You ask, twisting the ends of your hair.

He nods. “And I hope it’s only getting started. It’s been so surreal and being here in Nashville makes me want to stay. There’s so many different people and the weather. Oh the weather.”

You nod your head. “That’s what did it for me. I don’t think I would survive a full Michigan winter again.”

He placed his hand on your hip and began to tickle you. “Nope. You’re too warm blooded now.”

You leaned back in a fit of laughter. “Jake! Stopppp!”

He continued and leaned over you. “Mhm I know all your spots Sugar.”

He finally stops and you brush your hair out of your face. He’s essentially on top of you, in between your legs. “You’re such a little shit. You know that?” You say lightheartedly.

He leans closer to you, the tip of his hair tickling your collarbones. “Now that’s not nice to say darlin. Do I need to remind you how sweet I can be too?”

Your heart is thumping in your chest as you two make fierce eye contact with each other. The wine has you feeling giddy. But, you’re saved by the bell as your phone begins to ring loudly on the coffee table. It jolts you from your thoughts and your position. You reach over and grab your phone seeing “Josh” pop up on your screen along with a silly picture of you two.

“One sec.” You say to Jake, who clearly seems disappointed. You run to your room and close the door.

“Hello?”

His chipper voice rings back at you. “Hey there, pretty lady. It’s been an insanely busy day, I’ve just now got a five minute break to have my own thoughts. What have you been up to today?”

You clear your throat, trying not to sound as flustered as you feel. “Oh you know, same old same old. Just a long day of working. I made stir fry for dinner.”

He sighs into the phone. “Now that sounds good. I’ve been living mostly on takeout and party foods.”

You huff a laugh. “Party foods? Oh poor you.”

He returns your laugh. “I know it’s rough out here. Hey listen they’re about to call back for me. It was good to hear your voice. I’ll give you a call tomorrow?”

“You better. Have fun, be safe.”

You collected yourself and cleared your throat before heading back into your living area. You found Jake in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner.

“Everything okay?” He asked, rinsing a plate.

“Mhm. Yeah yeah, just checking in. Hey you don’t have to clean up. I can do it.” You offer, stepping in to help.

He shakes his head. “No, I got it. I’m going to finish up and I’ll be out of your hair. I know you have work tomorrow.”

You nod, trying to decipher if you were relieved or disappointed.

“Care if I come back by tomorrow to put that other shelf in?” He asks with a soft smile.

“Sure. I can make dinner again.”

And you did. He had come over again Thursday night, installed your shelf, and you two had made pizzas together. A flood of nostalgia flooded you as you two had rolled the dough out. Jake put a dab of flour on your cheek and you returned the favor with pizza sauce. This was a date you two had before, but this time there was no arguing. In fact, the night had gone quite pleasantly. You had watched a movie and Jake went home after. He kept his hands, mostly to himself- which surprised you. You had woken up on Friday morning in a haze. The past two days had felt surreal with Jake. Part of you had believed maybe you had hallucinated the whole thing, but when you saw how perfectly your shelves were hung you smiled to yourself. Josh would be home Sunday morning, but all you could think about is if Jake would try to come by again. You checked your phone. Nothing but a Snapchat from Josh. In the past two days you had unblocked Jake and even shared a text or two. You decided to try and push him out of your mind and switched it up today, going for a hot yoga class. This was a little further of a drive than your pilates studio, but the drive cleared your mind. After yoga you felt energized and grabbed a coffee to get you through the rest of the day. You decided to stop at a shopping plaza to treat yourself. While gandering at all the pretty little things you felt your phone vibrating in your purse.

Jake.

Your heartbeat picked up and you felt a rush go through you as you answered.

“Good morning Sugar. Do you have any plans later?”

You decided to play it cool. “Nothing too concrete. Why?”

“Great. I’ll pick you up later. Before you ask, wear whatever you want. You look good in anything. I’m about to head to the studio, but be ready by 8.”

You glanced at the black lacy matching set you had in your hands. This would do.

**

7:58. You stared at the clock on your wall, tapping your fingers absentmindedly on your couch as you waited for Jake. You felt unusually nervous, as if you hadn’t been on a date with him before. Was this a date? Who in the hell knew. Your feelings were scattered everywhere. But the one thing you knew was that Jake had sunk his claws right into you again. Everything inside of you was screaming no while also simultaneously screaming yes. You had decided on a casual little orange dress that complimented your tan perfectly with platform sandals and gold jewelry. You put loose curls in your hair and did an ample amount of makeup. You felt summery and pretty. You hoped Jake would think so as well.

A knock on your door at 8 pm sharp jolted you from your thoughts.

“Hello gorgeous.” Jake said, stepping in and handed you a small bouquet of red roses.

“Do friends buy each other flowers?” You ask, trying to play off that this was the first time he had ever gotten you flowers.

He smirked at you. “They can. Ready to go?”

You two had ended up at a stylish little cocktail garden across town. Jake had reserved a table on the rooftop, pretty hidden from the rest of the crowd. You both selected different specialty cocktails and ordered a quite large charcuterie board.

“This place is cute.” You said sipping your drink and surveying your surroundings.

He flashed you a smile. “I thought you might think so. Very ‘Nashville.’”

You laugh. “Jake, baby, not every place with neon signs is distinctly Nashville.”

You feel your blood run cold as you just realized you had let that word slip out. Fuck these drinks were strong.

Of course he had noticed it too and bit down on his straw giving you a sly smile with those eyes. “Sure, but the fake flowers on the wall and shitty country music makes it feel that way.”

You hold your hands up in defense. “Hey I know you love your dingy little hole in the walls. But time and place for everything. At least enjoy the oxygen that isn’t littered with cigarette smoke.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Since when is cigarette smoke a problem for you?”

You grab your straw and perhaps suggestively take a sip while locking eyes with him. “Time and place for everything Jake.”

When the charcuterie board arrived you both had picked at the selections while continuing to drink. You giggled and laughed and then giggled some more. You were smitten with him yet again. You weren’t dumb, you knew it wouldn’t last. The hell would come. But for now, you allowed yourself to keep your head in the clouds.

“I don’t think I can drive Sugs. Care if we Uber back?” Jake asks, finishing off drink number-hell you had lost count.

“That’s a smart idea. Gonna go to the bathroom before we leave.” You slightly slurred.

The walk to the bathroom proved a little off-kilter. You were on the cusp of tipsy and your brain was swirling with bad decisions.

You glanced at yourself in the mirror, lightly rolling on lipgloss and fluffing your hair before making your way back out. Jake had already taken care of the tab and was waiting for you out front.

“Uber should be here in about 15 minutes.”

You nodded and followed him into a crowded elevator. You two had to squeeze in, which meant you were pressed into each other. Jake glanced down at you with a certain look in his eye that made your mouth water. His hand snaked around your waist, his fingers pressing into your hip. A spot that he knew would rile you up. You bit your lip and held your breath. You didn’t dare breathe again until you were at the bottom.

“That elevator was pretty cramped huh?” You played, stepping outside of the building.

He shrugged, matching your walking pace up the sidewalk. “I didn’t mind it.”

You lightly shoved him. “I’m sure you didn’t.”

He smirked at you. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”

You shoved him again, slightly harder. “Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?”

He signed. “You’re done Sugs.” He scooped you up and tickled at your side.

“Jake!” You giggled out through laughter. “Put me down! Jake I swear!”

He continued. “Or what Sugs?”

“Jacob Thomas!”

He laughed. “Okay fine. Fine. No need for government names.”

He placed you down and you braced up against the concrete wall and you fixed your hair that had gone wild. “You don’t play fair.”

He stepped up closer to you and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “There. Perfect as always.”

His eyes searched for yours, his gaze intensely switching to your lips. Fuck it. You pushed yourself up on your tiptoes and kissed him, hard. There was zero protest from him as his hands immediately found your waist. Warmth flooded your senses and you felt entirely weightless. You lightly bit his bottom lip which caused a small groan to leave his mouth.

“Now who’s not playing fair?” He growled into your ear as his fingers found that spot on your hip.

The intense session was interrupted by Jake’s phone buzzing. He cleared his throat. “Uber’s here.”

You nodded and took his hand as he led you into the car. Neither one of you spoke the whole entire ride home. Jake kept his hand firmly planted on your upper thigh while both of you took stolen glances at one another.

“Thanks.” Jake said, tossing a stack of bills at the driver.

He guided you up to the door, standing close as you fidgeted with your keys.

Finally, once inside and the door was closed. His lips were on yours again. His hands running wildly up and down your body, your hands in his hair as you two shuffled through your house. Somehow you two had made your way into the kitchen.

“Fuck, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this.” He panted in between kisses.

He backed you up against the counter, his eyes glaring into yours. Then his rough hands run under your thighs as he lifts you and places you on the counter. Neither one of you had dared to speak yet. Then Jake broke the silence.

“So pretty.” He spat, as his hands ran up under your dress.

You were impossibly turned on. Anticipation sat in your throat like a softball.

You bit your lip as his hands hooked around your panties. He pulled them down and scooted you closer to him. He bunched up your dress right to the very beginning of your thighs.

“So fucking pretty.” He stated again.

You squirmed under his touch as he raked his fingertips around your inner thighs.

“Jake, stop teasing.” You said, though it came out more as a beg.

He smiled at you, then craned his head down and kissed you on your sweetest spot.

A jolt ran through your body.

“So needy. My pretty girl, so needy for me.” He says with a smirk. “Let’s see how wet you are, Sugar.”

He takes one finger and slides it in between you, just grazing. You slightly buck your hips, desperate for some sort of friction. Desperate for that feeling that only Jake had given you.

“Whew, fuck Sugar.” Jake says, taking that same finger and popping it in his mouth. “So sweet, just like I remember. So wet for me.”

You huff out at him. You’re beyond ready to beg, but he can’t have that satisfaction. You have to play the game right back. “As if you’re not about to bulge out of your pants right now. Face it Jake, you’ve never had better.”

He grips your thighs. “You’re right about that. You drive me crazy Sugar. Especially when that pretty mouth says such filthy things.”

“Jake.” You say looking down at him, batting your eyelashes. “Can you just shut up and fuck me?”

His mouth falls open slightly at that and he stares up at you completely enamored.

You use this as an opportunity to tease him. You slide back and open your legs a little more.

“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” You say with as much sex in your voice that you could muster.

Jake takes in a deep breath and then a devilish smirk appears on his face. “No.” He starts. “But it’s about to.”

He licks a stripe up your thigh whilst holding eye contact with you. Then, he smiles before burying his face in between your legs.

You arch your back and tilt your head backwards as soft moans escape your lips. Jake shimmys your dress up even further, then slides his fingers into you.

“Fuck.” You whined, which only egged him on further.

“Yeah come on baby. Give me all of those pretty little sounds.” He begged.

His fingers worked expertly with his mouth. Like he had your body etched into his mind and he knew how to make you unraveled. Just as you were right there, white hot- he stopped. You unclenched your eyes and looked down at him in shock. He smirked back up at you and lightly bit your thigh.

“Come on Sugs. What’s the rush? Let’s take this to your room.”

You scoffed at him, hopping off the counter and pulling your panties back up. You were bewildered, but you knew him edging you was a sick little kink of his. You followed him into your bedroom where your lips connected once more. You unbuttoned his shirt while he kicked off his shoes. You pushed him back onto the bed where he raised up on his elbows and watched you intently. You slowly began to pull at the sleeves on your dress and dropped it to the floor, leaving you just in the black lacy little number you had just bought.

“God damn.” Jake barely whispered as he watched you with full blown lust.

“Oh this little thing?” You teased running your hands over the lace.

He swallowed hard. “Fuck. You are so fucking hot. I- Get over here please.”

You laughed. “I thought there was no rush?”

You turned around walking towards your dresser, giving him a nice show of your plump ass.

“Oh my god.” He all but groaned. You could sense him twitching over there, just itching to get his hands on you.

You struck a match and lit a small candle. “That’s better isn’t it?”

He nodded.

You walked over to him, slowly. His eyes were trained on you. You straddled his lap and his hands immediately found your hips, the whole entire time you stared into each other’s eyes. So much unspoken. So much unsaid. He leaned in and kissed you with fervor. His hands immediately gripping at the flesh of your ass. You were the first to slip out your tongue, but were met eagerly with his. You worked quickly to undo his belt and pants. He managed to shimmy them off while never breaking the kiss. You both leaned by entirely, you slowly grinded down onto his boxers causing him to almost lose it right there. You would start and get him worked up, then stop. Playing his own game right back at him. This earned you a swift smack on your ass. “You little tease.”

You sat up, fully shifting your lower half on top of him. “What’s wrong Jakey? Can dish it out but can’t take it?”

He let out a laugh. “We gonna play these games all night or are you going to let me fuck you? I can ruin that pretty makeup by having you in tears, begging me to let you come. Or I can fuck you so hard you won’t be able to think straight. Both are equally intriguing to me. Your choice baby.”

You tilted your head to the side. “Still think you’re up for the task? Can you even make me come, Jake?”

In a swift motion he flipped you over, him now on top of you. He pinned your hands above your head, holding them there. “Such a little brat. I could think of a better way to put that mouth to use. Looks like you chose the hard way.”

Excitement bubbled in your chest. No one ever got you this worked up, it was only him.

He released your hands and ripped your panties off of you. He pulled the fabric apart until it ripped.

“Jake!”

He didn’t flinch. “I’ll buy you one hundred more of these, especially if I can take them off of you like this.”

He grabbed your hands again, tying them up in the now ripped lace fabric. He slides down next to you, his fingers finding your center to begin work. After a few seconds you’re already squirming.

“Thought you were clever huh Sug? Asking me if I still can make you come?”

You flutter your eyes closed, trying to recenter yourself. Jake slapped your core. “Eh uh. Eyes on me.”

You pry your eyes open to watch him, trying your best to act like you weren’t on fire inside.

He kissed below your navel, making your shutter. “Did you miss me?”

You refused to answer that.

“Mhm I think you did. Do you touch yourself and think of me?” He asked, in a sickeningly sweet voice as he continued his descent.

“No.” You say, calmly.

He nips at your thigh. “It’s okay if you do. Sometimes I find myself thinking of you, late at night.”

You huffed as he continued to tease you.

“Not as sweet as the real thing though.” He made contact making an obscene slurping sound that made you twitch.

Then he stopped again coming back up to kiss you.

“Taste that? That’s you. My sweet girl.”

“You’ve made your point. Just fucking touch me.” You all but whined.

He chuckled at you. “So demanding.”

He unties your hands while freeing himself from his boxers. Then he flips you around and spreads your knees wider. You arch your back, silently begging for him to enter you.

“Fuck. Now there’s a view I would never get tired of.”

He slides himself all around you, still trying to tease you, but you could tell he was faultering. Slowly, he sunk into you. A moan left both of your mouths. He took his time but finally pushed himself all the way in.

“Ah fuck. Fuck baby.” He cooed.

He reached down and pulled you up, so you were flushed with him. Then reached down and rubbed at your bundles of nerves, sending you almost right over the edge.

“Jake- fuck don’t stop.” You whined.

He bit at your jaw. “Who fucks you like this? Who is the only person who will ever fuck you like this?”

“You! It’s you.” You barely spit out.

That warmness spread all over your body and you were about to explode. You squeezed him with everything you had.

“That’s right. You’re such a good girl Sugar. Fuck.” He grunted.

“Jake I’m- I’m.”

He removed his hand. “I know. I wanna see your face when you come for me.”

He unclasped your bra, tossing it to the side and flipped you over on your back.

“Fucking gorgeous.”

His hands massaged your breasts before lightly biting at your hardened nipples.

You were now in the home stretch, both of you struggling to hold on. Jake hooked your leg up over his shoulder and started to pound into you.

You could see the sweat beginning to trickle on him as his hair stuck to his face and neck. He guided your hand down to your sweet spot and guided you. “Almost there baby. Eyes on me.”

You locked eyes with him and that’s all it took. That wave came crashing down, completely washing you away with it. Jake was right behind you and you could feel him release into you. You gripped his shoulders while his mouth found yours, swallowing all of your sounds.

“Shit.” Jake groaned, rolling off of you. Both of you absolutely spent. Sweat, sex, and panting still filled the air. You reached over and grabbed a pack of American Spirits from your bedside table, they were old but necessary. You flicked a lighter and lit it while Jake looked at you with a smirk.

You shrugged and met his eyes. “Time and place for everything. Remember?”

**

Light filtered in through your blinds the next morning gently waking you. You turned to your side. Empty. Should have figured. Fuck, you were sore. You groaned as you stretched out making your way to the bathroom. You jumped in the shower to wash off the smell of sex and nicotine then brushed your teeth. You couldn’t tell if you were slightly hungover or slightly sad. Of course he left, that’s what he does. Coffee. You needed coffee badly. You tossed a giant band tee on and some cotton underwear and combed through your hair before padding out into your living room. Also empty. The refrigerator was embarrassingly barren. Leftover pizza, expired creamer, and strawberries. You needed to go to the grocery store, badly. You snickered at the thought of Josh seeing your refrigerator like this. He would playfully scold you and force you to Publix. You missed him. A loud noise crashed through your apartment and you jolted out of your thoughts.

“Jake? What the fuck! You scared me!” You clutched your chest.

Jake had bounded through the door with a coffee carrier and brown paper bags. A sight you never thought you would see.

“Don’t look so surprised to see me Sugs. Did you think I would have just up and left.” He asked with a smirk.

You can’t help but let out a small laugh. “Well yeah.”

He shakes his head at you. “I stole your keys so I could let myself back in. Had to Uber to get my car and then I got us breakfast. Hope you like breakfast burritos and coffee that’s a little too sweet.”

A smile twisted up on your lips. That was thoughtful?

“I do. Thank you.” You say, walking over to the counter to grab a coffee. You took a sip, it wasn’t your normal complicated vanilla latte. But it would do.

You both had plopped down at your table, somewhere you had found yourselves often the past few days and ate breakfast together.

“So, Danny and I have a meeting today. Some sort of podcast thing, but I’ll be free after. Care to go out again?” Jake asks, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

You bite your lip. “Josh comes back tomorrow.”

He shakes his head. “Uh huh.”

“Jake, he can’t know- about any of this really. He would freak out.” You say cautiously.

He gives you a sly smile. “S’okay Sugar. I’ll be your dirty little secret.”

You tap his arm. “I’m serious.”

He sighs at you and holds up a hand. “Fine. Scout’s honor.”

“Then yes, we can go out again tonight. But it can’t be a repeat of last night, I have to pick him up from the airport and do not want to be hungover.” You say, standing your ground.

Jake shrugs. “I dunno, maybe it could just be a little bit of a repeat from last night.”

You crack a smile and shake your head at him. What in the hell had you gotten yourself into again.

**

“I am so happy to see you!” Josh says, climbing into your car and squeezing your shoulders with a hug.

You smile at him. “I missed you too. I can’t wait to hear about all of your adventures.”

He huffs. “I have so many to share. Can I run by my place and shower and then come over? I am craving a home cooked meal so badly.”

You click your blink and laugh. “Well yes, but I don’t have much to cook. You would be appalled at the state of my refrigerator right now.”

“Hey, you have to take care of yourself. Change of plans; I’ll call in Chinese tonight and pick it up on my way over. First thing in the morning we are going grocery shopping.” He says in a caring tone.

“Deal.” You agree.

After dropping Josh off you had decided to tidy up a bit before he came over. You had already done a sweep of your house, making sure there were no remnants of Jake lying around anywhere. You had spent last night together again in a similar fashion to the night before. The last thing you wanted was for Josh to know that.

“These egg rolls are fresh today.” Josh said, stepping into your house.

“Oh I can tell it smells good.” You took the bags from Josh and placed them on the counter.

“Can you turn on that documentary we were watching last week? I’ll be right back, my bladder is about to explode.”

You chuckled and set out all of the food on your coffee table then started searching for whatever you two had previously watched. Once it was queued up you grabbed and extra blanket and waited for Josh. A few moments later he came walking into your living room.

“Shelves?”

You turned around and made a face at him. “What?”

He pointed behind him. “You hung your bathroom shelves?”

Fuck.

“Oh-uh yeah. It wasn’t too hard actually.” You tried to say as nonchalantly as possible.

He made a face at you. “Where did you get the tools?”

You shrugged. “I borrowed them from a neighbor. Come on, I'm starving and this food is going to get cold!”

He chewed on his cheek and eventually joined you on the couch. You hated lying to him, but the alternative would be worse.

That night you two had ended up asleep on the couch. You were wrapped in Josh’s arms, but his twin was the one occupying your mind.

***

Thank you for reading!!! <3

[belowzion]

Adam and Why I Felt His Character Disappointing

Sooo, I have watched the first two episodes of Hazbin Hotel! While I did really enjoy Status Quo (The song, the fact that Vox loses his first match against Alastor in the show is quite sad.) the rest of the show, I had a lot of problems. Especially the way they handled Adam.

(Look at this lil' shid.)

The dude-bro thing is just too much. It feels like his entire character is just Mammon but Angel.

Now, I've been working on rewrites for months now, slowly turning it into my own piece of fiction. Funnily enough, me and Vivzie had the same idea of taking from Paradise Falls. I feel like the book is great and can have many different ways of interpreting it. However, I am not here to talk about Lucifer, so lets instead get back to Adam.

So, let me tell you all about Adam in Below Zion and how he is in a bit of an odd spot considering Angels...:

Adam is in his luxury spire, pacing around, phone in hand, another hand flailing, disappointment, sadness and anger is felt in the presence of his holy living room.

"You hold the keys to the Well of Souls, you lead an army of an entirely new species of Angels! And you're letting these absolute nutjobs beat you!? Adam, come on! You're better than that! I mean for fuck sake man, you have the name of the first human! He got like... 100 percent of woman in his time!"

"Good on him, but i have 0 percent. I'm telling you, there's something wrong with women. They Never go for a nice guy like me, only for douchebags who probably don't even treat them right!"

"Well, Adam. Do tell me… how would YOU treat your woman?" "Well, i treat M'lady like a queen, of course! They don't know how good they would have it with me!"

"... M'lady...M'lady? Adam... you don't treat woman like... oh my... Mrghhh! Look, this is the third time this week. Why don't you just come over to me and... we'll talk bro to bro. How does that sound, hm?"

"...I don't know what you have, the Virtuosos (opposite of sinner, worships angels despite flaws) tell me it's Top gentemanly behavior of the century. And yes... I'd love that. I'm coming. And i'm bringing my emotional support Lute."

"... Just... just come over here and we'll fix you up... or attempt to at least..." Adam sighs, and hangs up. Lute comes out of Adams room with a suggestive smile, like she always does.

"Mmm, we're visiting Master Lucifer, sir?"

"We are, my dear Lute."

He says, kissing her forehead.

"Just a trip for a talk between bros. Sounds lovely, doesn't it?"

"Indeed, sir... Would you like me to transform?"

"That would be preferable for the way... yes. Makes getting out of town easier."

She nods... and folds into a brilliant lute! And then... Adam is off... taking flight to meet with Lucy...

Adam is an agent of Lucifer whom is... okay, lets not beat around the bush here. He is an incel. The odd thing here is that, Exterminators are an unofficial branch of Heavens military. So unofficial that even Arch-Angels don't know about them. They are robotic angels, made by Lucifer and a dear friend of his, trained and maintained by Adam. Adam is also not the leader of the Angels. He works at a very high position, that being that he guards the Well of Souls that leads to the conjuration of all the souls on Earth. All Exterminators are made for Lucifer and Adam. The marks on their eyes are the Mark of Lucifer. They belong to him. They do whatever HE wants.

This makes Adams girlfriend a robot.

He has an AI girlfriend.

He objectifies women to no end.

He is also very good at his job as being Lucifers mole in Heaven. While Sinners do pacts with each other, Adam allows Lucifer to have a foothold in Heaven, years after he got kicked out...

Adam is in his luxury spire, sitting at his computer, with a plate of pretzels on the desk, phone in hand, screaming wildly to it!

"What you're suggesting is ABSOLUTELY ludicrous! I will have NONE of it! You will deal with the Brightwing family until next week or I'll make sure to put that pact to good use!"

From the phone, a rather paniced individual speaks!

"Hah, BITCH! You think you have any say in here!? Killing the guys children- what don't tell me YOU have any children!? You do?! Well, uh, thats the thing! Noooot anymore you don't! I'll see you again soooooon~

The other angel on the phone seems to speak in an extremely agitated and afraid tone! Pleading!

"Oh! Changed your mind have you!? Great, GREAT! NOW! I got the whole thing planned out for you, so YOU can't mess this up! Sending you the docs. DON'T. MESS. THIS. UP! BYE, ASSHOLE!"

He hangs up and grins triumphantly…

He continues to deal with the usual fluff. Lucifers extend into heavens business. Angels need a good amount of convincing to stay in line sometimes, but it's good work, and… dare he say it, fun~ With how he feels life is treating him, it feels Great to be able to make the lives of others even worse. It having such a positive impact on the work of his best bud is of course a wonderful bonus!

He is a lonely asshole that lives off of the misery of others and finds purpose in serving someone like Lucifer.

He is a villain, but he is a lot more complicated than just being a dude-bro.

[sanaxo-o]

Forced Love (Kim Sunwoo)

[Yandere themes. Contains stalking, murder and what not. 6k+ words. Enjoy :) idk what else to write 😪]

Run

That's all you had in mind. Run. No matter what just keep on running. You knew this was one of the only chance you will get. No way you were gonna miss it. All you had to do was get to the roadside and look for someone who could save you. You knew that you could not make it out at night. Looking around, you climbed on the highest tree in hopes of not getting caught. Your adrenaline rush made you lose all your sleep.

Relaxing for a bit but still being alert you carefully looked down...seeing how Sunwoo was looking around while looking for you. You held in your breath as you saw how he stopped right under you. One wrong move and you're done for...he stopped for a while as he was catching his breath. As he started running again you finally took a deep breath.

You stayed on the tree till Sunwoo came back again. As soon as he came back you waited for some time to make sure you were not caught. After a while you slowly got down and started running towards the road side.

You have been running for quite awhile. You frantically looked around for a place from where you could call your sister. You knew it was best to call from a telephone. On a distance you saw a telephone booth. It looked quite old so you hoped that it would still work. Immediately running there you removed the few coins you had stollen from Sunwoo.

You waited for the other other line to pick....ring after ring..."Hello?"

As soon as I heard her voice my tear's started flowing. "Miyeon..." "Y/N? Is...is that really you??" I could hear how shocked she was. Chocking back my sob "Yes...can you come pick me up? I don't know where I am. I am really scared. It's a blessing I still remember your number. I am really scared unnie..." forming these words got more hard as you started noticing how much of a bad condition you were in. "Stay...stay where you're! I will track your location down with police help! I am coming, hmm?" "Please come fast. I can't hold up any longer. And I don't know on when he will come back again. Please I don't want to go there again unnie." "I am coming. Just be on the line!"

Those small minutes felt like hours. Being here was already hard enough knowing Sunwoo can come here anytime. As I was about to doze of I saw a car coming in front of me. Looking up I saw Miyeon coming out of the drivers seat. I immediately stood up and ran towards her.

"Oh my god. Y/N...baby you look so thin. Come on. Sit." Saying that she made me sit beside her as she immediately started the car. As soon as I came in the care of my sister I immediately dozed of because of fatigue and lack of sleep.

"Y/N...wake up." I slowly pried my eyes open as I saw that we were in a drive thru. "Would you like some burger and chicken wings?" I nodded at whatever she said. "Here. Have some Matcha latte till we get the order." I slowly took the drink from her hand as I took a sip of it. With a content sigh I slowly looked out the window. "For...how long was I missing?" I asked slowly as I turned my head towards Miyeon... "6 months. Each day felt like hell knowing you were in trouble. I tried everything. I even called Kevin to look for you but there were no traces of you. It's like.....you just disappeared." I took in everything she said. I knew that I was missing for a long time but almost a year? Who would have known what would have happened if I wouldn't have escaped Sunwoo....

"Oh here. Eat up. With Kevin's help I have booked a flight for both of us. We will board the flight tomorrow night. It is the best if you don't contact anyone....we're going back to mom and dad. Joshua is also with them. Don't contact anyone till we're in the plane."

I nodded my head as I took a bite of my burger. I was definitely not going to take any risk of getting caught. So contacting anyone else is something I would not even think about.

🐾The next day 🐾

I was packing all my clothes in my luggage. I am not at all gonna take anything thing else from here rather then the clothes same goes to Miyeon. Who knows what Sunwoo might have done to them.

We even bought a new pairs of shoes in case there was a tracking device on the previous ones. Right now Kevin was in my room helping me pack my clothes.

"Well I guess that's all...." I said as I looked around the room incase I left something... "thank you for coming to help me Kev. I really appreciate it.."

"It's okay Y/N. Oh by the way I will also come to Canada after settling some things here."

"Please be careful now that you will be alone here. I don't trust Sunwoo. Settle everything as fast as possible." I was worried that Sunwoo might hurt Kevin. Knowing how he can get I was worried about Kevin's safety.

"Don't worry. I can take care of myself. I will make sure not to be out late at night. Come on. Let's order some Chinese food." We that we both exited my room as we went to the living room.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

I was busy keeping my bag in the backseat as Miyeon was having some talk with Kevin. I sighed as I waited for her and Kevin to come. Miyeon came and sat in the backseat as Kevin sat in the drivers seat.

He started the car as soon as they both got in.

As we were on our way to the airport I kept looking out the window.

"What's bothering you?" I heard Kevin ask as I looked at him. I shrugged my shoulders as I looked out the window again.

"I...I don't know. I am just worried that what if Sunwoo finds me again. Just nervous that's all."

"Hey you don't have to worry. Nothing will happen to you there. We will make sure of that. I will make sure of that. You can also pursue your career in literature how you always wanted to. I know some great universities and Joshua is also there for you."

I sighed as I nodded my head. I am just overthinking probably. Nothing can go wrong. We just have to board this plane and this nightmare will come to an end. I closed my eyes as I wanted to have some peace.

"Um...Kev...do you see that car? I think we're being followed..." as soon as I heard what Miyeon said I shot my eyes open as I looked at the rear view mirror. Seeing that car bought back...memories. Unwanted memories. I looked at Kevin. "That's...that's Sunwoo's car Kev. What do we do now??" I said nervously as I glanced at him. He had a straight face on as she slowly started speeding up.

"Kevin you can't stay here. He knows you now. You have to come with us. It's dangerous for you to stay here alone. Once we get to the airport he won't be able to do anything in front of all those people. Let's book a flight for you, if we can find one with us it's better. I can't let you be alone here." Miyeon said as she contacted someone on her phone.

"Yes Kev. You can't stay here any longer. At least alone. Sunwoo is dangerous. You will have to come with us." I said that as I rubbed his hand in assurance which was on the side.

Kevin glanced at me as he gave me a small smile. "I will. Don't worry. I can't leave you alone there when I know  what you have been going through."

I grew anxious every passing second. As soon as we got to the airport me and Miyeon went out of the car as we took our bags. Miyeon had called one of our close friends to come and pick up our car.

From my side I could see Sunwoo getting out of the car making me panic. Miyeon immediately took my hand as we ran in the airport. Kevin went ahead to get a ticket for himself.

"Did you get a ticket?" I asked as I nervously looked at him

"Yes. Luckily there was one seat left. Come on now."

We immediately boarded the plane. As we sat down on our respective seats I looked at Miyeon with a worried look.

"Sunwoo now knows that we're going to Canada....we can't stay there...what do we do now??" I asked as I started biting my nails in nervousness.

"Don't worry. As soon as we get of this plane we will immediately board the plane which will take us to LA. We can't stay a night in Canada. It will be dangerous. You stay here. I will go and talk with Kevin about this." Saying that she kissed my forehead as she walked away.

Sighing I decided to take a nap.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

We just got of the plane. Miyeon was booking our flight tickets as we both sat down. I was looking around as Kevin spoke up

"You up for Starbucks? I am thirsty and we could use some coffee to keep us awake." I nodded at him as I stood up.

Me and Kevin went to Miyeon to ask her if she wanted anything. After that we both went to Starbucks. As we gave our order to the cashier we both sat down at a vacant table.

"So what are you gonna do in LA? You got dragged in all of this because of me." I said that as I looked at Kevin with a small pout on my lips.

"Hey. None of this is your fault. I decided to help you. And I can do some work there. Till we settle down I can work in a cafe or something. Then I can start my art there too. Let's see what life brings ahead of us. Cheer up now." I nodded as I gave a small smile to Kevin.

We went back to Miyeon once we got our order.

"Where's my sandwich and drink?" She asked me as soon as she saw me.

"Calm down woman. Here's your order. I may have drank some of your drink." As soon as I said that she glared at me and hit me on my head. "Where's your food?" Miyeon asked as she took a bite of her sandwich. I looked at Kevin as he passed me my food.

"At what time is the flight?"

"In a hour or so. We will reach LA late  at night. So we will have to book a hotel room for us. I already looked for some nice hotels there. You both can choose one amongst yourself." I nodded as I took a bite of sandwich. Silence fell upon us as we enjoyed our food.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

We all boarded our plane to LA. It has been a while since we're on the plane. Miyeon and Kevin were asleep. I couldn't get myself to sleep again. This all still feels like a dream. Escaping from Sunwoo and now getting away from him.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard Miyeon shuffling in her sleep. I looked at her as she slowly opened her eyes. She looked at me as she gave a small smile to me.

"Can't sleep? Something bothering you?" She asked as she drank some water. I slowly shook my head as a no as I placed my head on her shoulder. She slowly started patting my head in a soothing manner as I started speaking.

"I just can't grasp the situation fully yet. I am still processing. In a short amount of time a lot has happened. I just wish....it stays this way." I said that as I stared up at Miyeon. She looked down at me as she booped my nose making me whine lowly.

"I also wish that nothing more bad happens. Well on the bright side...mom, dad and Joshua will be here in LA till Sunday. They have a house here in LA. We can stay there. Now come on. Get some sleep. I will wake you up once the food comes." I shook my head at her words.

"Let's talk....order some coffee. Let's have some talk. I wanna catch up with you." I said that as I looked up at her. Miyeon smiled widely at my words as she immediately ordered coffee for us.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

We just got of the plane. I stretched my body as me and Kevin waited for Miyeon to come. We three took a cab to our hotel. We had already booked a room for us. We were staying in the same room....Miyeon said that it's the safest this way for now. Incase something at night happens we will be there for each other to protect us.

"Kev...can you order something sweet for me?" I said that as I was doing my night routine. Kev looked at me as he sighed.

"Y/N...we're about to go to sleep. Do you have to eat something sweet?" I nodded my head eagerly as he shook his head while getting to the telephone.

Once the food came. I shared some of it with Miyeon and Kev. I brushed my teeth after eating as I went to bed.

"Can we get myself a phone or something? I would need it anyways." I said that as I was getting my bed ready. I saw how Miyeon nodded her head.

"We will get a MacBook for you. Mom already transferred some money in Kevin's account. We can go there tomorrow."

🐾The next day🐾

I wore a a pair of shorts with a crop top and a pastel colour cardigan on top. Me and Miyeon headed out as Kevin was getting ready.

As we reached the mall I immediately went in the store.

"Are we only gonna buy a MacBook for me?" I said as I look at Miyeon and Kevin. Kevin shook his head as he came beside me.

"We're gonna get ourselves a phone. We will get new sims for both of us same goes to your once we buy a phone for you. For now a MacBook should do..."

"But won't I need a phone to use a MacBook? I can't use my old iCloud account." I looked at Miyeon with a questionable gaze.

"Oh...you're right. Let's also buy a phone for you." I clapped my hands as we started looking for a phone.

After we were done shopping we went to a nice restaurant which was in the mall.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

It was Sunday today. We three went to the airport to pick up mom, dad and Joshua.

As were were waiting for them I saw a familiar figure coming out of the airport.

"Shua! Here!" I heard Miyeon scream on top of her lungs.

The figure who was supposedly Joshua looked at us as he went back inside. In a while he came back outside with mom and dad.

My eyes immediately welled up with tears as I ran towards my dad and hugged him.

"Look at you. All grown up." He said that as he caressed my hair in a loving manner. I broke the hug as I looked at my mom.

"Why have you grown so tall? You're taller then me now. And were you not eating anything. Look how thin you've become." She kept going on as I just hugged her. Breaking the hug I looked at Joshua as he opened his arms.

I immediately went and hugged him as he caressed my back. "Gosh...peaches. You're still a cry baby."

"How can I not cry?! I missed you so much when I was in Korea. Especially at that time." We both broke the hug as Miyeon was with mom and dad.

Kevin and Joshua hugged each other as we all went and sat in the car.

"Y/N do you wanna eat some food before going home?" I heard mom ask from the front seat. I shook my head as I just wanted to go home and rest in my room there.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

It has been a while since we all settled here in LA. My life here was getting better. I got into a good university with Kevin's help. I was starting to get more comfortable with Miyeon then I was before.

You can also say that I might have a potential boyfriend. We have not started dating yet because of my past trauma but he was okay with it. He was okay to wait for me which I was glad about.

Right now me, Miyeon, Kevin, Joshua and Minhee were in this cafe we just found.

I was just sitting while listening to music when Kevin removed my headphones and screamed in my ear.

"What is wrong with you!" I screamed at him as I rubbed my ears. He just smiled at me as he started speaking.

"Go and order some drinks for us. You're the only one who is sitting here and doing nothing. All of us are busy doing work unlike you." I just glared at him as I kicked him under the table while standing up.

"Fine. What do you guys want?" I asked as I stood beside Minhee.

"Strawberry milkshake for me!" Miyeon said as she gave me her wallet.

"Americano for me and Caramel Java Chip Frappuccino for Kevin." I looked at Minhee as he stood up.

"I will come with you. You can't bring all of this on your own." He said that as I smiled shyly. Joshua saw me as he nudged both Miyeon and Kevin.

I just walked away from there as fast as possible knowing how they will tease me. I went to the front as I waited for someone to come and take our order.

In less then a minute a guy came out. He looked a bit older then us. He stared at me for awhile before he started speaking. Minhee must have noticed that as he protectively held his hand on my waist.

"Hi. What would you like to order?" The guy said as his eye's never left my face. I slowly went and stood beside Minhee trying to hide myself as much as possible.

"A strawberry milkshake, Two Americano's, one One Caramel Java Chip Frappuccino and what do you want Y/N." my attention immediately went to Minhee as I answered his question.

"Chocolate chip Frappuccino for me." I said as I held Minhee's hand more tightly.

We were told that they will come and serve our drinks to our table so we went back there.

I slowly sat down as I looked at Minhee "Did you also find that guy weird or was it just me?" Minhee gave me a nod as he took a seat beside me.

"Even I found him weird. Maybe it's just our mind playing games with us." After that till our order came we talked about some random things.

In a while the same guy came back to our table with our orders. The more I looked at him the more he looked familiar to me.

"Hi I am Eric and here is your order. Hope you guys enjoy it." As soon as I heard that name I started thinking more.

I have heard that name somewhere...where was it? Was it-

"Y/N? Yah!" I heard Miyeon yell as she kicked me under the table. I rubbed the part where she kicked me as I looked at her with a annoyed expression.

"Stop kicking me will you?" I said as I took my Frappuccino from Kevin's hand who was about to take a sip.

"What were you thinking about?? You looked so lost." Joshua said as he took a sip of his americano. I shook my head as I took a sip of my drink.

"That Eric guy...he looked oddly familiar to me. Even his name. It's as if I have seen him somewhere. I just can't recall where." I said as I started thinking again.

"It must be nothing. Your mind must be just playing games. Stop thinking about him."

"Maybe you're right..."

We all were just enjoying our time together. We didn't even realise that it was starting to get dark outside.

We immediately packed our things as we exited the cafe. As I was the last person to do so. I looked inside the cafe again to see that Eric guy staring at me.

I immediately exited the cafe after seeing that.

"It is her. I am sure of it. I even saw that Kevin guy with her and her sister. But the thing is...there was this dude with her. He was way to close to her for your liking."

"When are you coming? Till Monday? Okay. Yeah sure...I will keep an eye on her...Sunwoo don't worry."

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

It has been a few days since we went to that cafe. After that small incident I stopped going out a lot. Scared something might happen.

Whenever I went out it felt like I was being followed but I didn't see anyone. That's why I now always carry pepper spray with me. I make sure that it is with me.

I was in my room doing some of my university work when Joshua entered my room. I looked at him as I went back to what I was doing.

"Y/N~ can you do me a favour?" Joshua said as he sat down on my bed. I turned my chair towards him as I told him to go ahead.

"We're out of ramen. Can you go and bring some?? And also bring some ice cream? Please."

I sighed as I stood up while nodding my head. I have been locked up inside this room for way to long. Might as well go and do some work.

I went out of my room with him following me. 

"Do you only want ramen and ice cream?? Nothing else?" He nodded his head as I stepped out of the house. I put on my hoodie as I started walking ahead with my hands in my sweatpants pockets.

As I was getting close to the convenience store I felt like I was being followed again. I slowly turned my head around trying not to look suspicious as I saw a figure walking behind me.

I almost froze as I immediately recognised that figure. No it can't be....I removed my phone from my pocket acting as if I was changing the song.

I clutched the pepper spray in my hoodie pockets tightly as I entered the store.

I immediately called one of my university friends. Calling Minhee could put him in danger. I don't want that. She lives really close to the store so she can reach here in two minutes or so.

"Hey...um can you come to the convenience store near your house. I am there right now...yeah. Sure."

I went to the ramen section as I picked some of them. I put them in the basket I took on the way here as I went to get some ice cream.

As I was getting the ice cream I felt the presence beside me. I tried ignoring him but he held my hand when I put it in the fridge.

"Long time no see...puppy." I immediately froze when he started talking. I looked at him for a brief second as I pulled my hand away from him.

I took the ice cream as I went to the cashier but before I could get there Sunwoo stopped me and turned me around.

"I looked for you everywhere and this is where you came? Tell me how more dumb can you get."

He said that as he held my jaw and came close to my face. I immediately pushed him away from me.

"Stay away from me. I don't want anything to do with you! You ruined my life enough already. Please don't ruin it more. Just stay away..." I said those words as I rushed to the cashier.

The cashier saw my distressed face as he asked me if I was okay. I nodded my head and kept looking back. As soon as I got my stuff I left the store. I knew he was gonna follow me so I kept the pepper spray bottle close to me.

As I was walking I saw my friend, Erica coming in this direction. I immediately ran towards her as I hugged her tightly.

"Y/N? Hey. What happened? Why do you..." her voice trailed of as she saw a figure standing not so far away from us. As if she understood what happened she took my hand as we headed to my house.

She took the keys from my hand as she opened the door.

"Miyeon! Are you home?" Erica yelled as she took me to the couch. She went away and came back in less then a minute with a glass of water.

I took the glass in my hand but it kept on shaking so Erica took it and helped me in drinking water.

Soon we heard footsteps coming downstairs. I was still in shock so I didn't even care to look up. I brought my legs up to my chest as I stared at nothing.

"Y/N? What happened peaches?" I heard Joshua asking as he rushed towards me. He immediately sat beside me as he took me in his embrace.

I started crying in his embrace.

"Erica...what happened?"

"I don't know actually. She called me a while ago saying that she is being followed and told me to come to the convenience store. As I reached there she immediately ran up to and hugged me. She was shaking badly till I reached there. When I looked back there was a man standing there in all black. Taking the clue I immediately brought her here."

"I see...thank you for bringing her Erica. Why don't you stay here. I don't think it's safe for you to go out now."

As I calmed down till then everyone was already there. I slowly sat straight and brought my knees near my chest.

"He is back...Sunwoo is back." I said quietly but they heard it.

"Are you sure?" Joshua asked as he looked around to see everyone's faces.

"I am sure Shua. I saw him. He talked with me. I am scared. I am scared to be alone. I am scared to even step outside of this house."

My tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. Joshua again hugged me as he rocked me back and forth.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

It has been a week or so since I had that encounter with Sunwoo. I was always in my room the entire time.

Minhee came to check up on me from time to time. I was thankful for that. I just wanted all of this to end.

Today was a bit different tho. Today was Miyeon's birthday. She wanted to go to this club which is near my university. I never really had any reason to go there until today.

I got dressed in a black short dress as I wore a pair of heels. I didn't want to go but because today is her birthday I decided to do what she wants.

It was already 8 pm. I went downstairs to see Miyeon and Joshua together. Kevin and Minhee were not in sight. I was about to ask them about Minhee when Joshua beat me to it.

"Minhee and Kevin both are in the car peaches. Come on. Let's get going." I nodded as we three exited the house.

🐾In the club🐾

"Why did I agree to this again?" I said as soon I entered the club. Miyeon just pushed me so that I can walk ahead.

"Have some fun. Relax and chill out a bit. You worry to much." I shrugged at Miyeon's words as I went to get myself a drink.

"We all are going to the VIP room. Come there once you get the drinks." I heard Kevin say as they all went ahead except for me and Minhee.

"So...how are you holding up?" Minhee asked as he waited for our drinks to arrive. I shrugged while looking around. "It's so so. I know that anything can happen so I still have my pepper spray with me." Minhee smiled at me as he ruffled my hair a bit.

As soon as the drinks arrived we headed towards the room. As we entered the room we saw the three of them doing...something. We just set the drinks on the table as they all took one for each.

🐾Few hours later🐾

"Miyeon stop drinking! Kevin stop whatever you're doing! Minhee Y/N! Help me. Come on guys. It's late already we have to go home- no Miyeon!" We all looked at Miyeon as she started puking.

I sighed as I went towards her and held her hair up. "Shua you clean her up. I will go and find someone who can clean this up." "Take someone with you" I shook my head as I headed outside "I will be fine. I will be back in no time!"

I exited the room as I looked for a staff who could clean all the mess we created. As I was looking around I saw a figure leaning against the wall towards the washroom. I was about to head back when I saw Eric in front of me.

I gulped as I looked at that figure again. I decided to go past him but he held my hand as he dragged me with him. Coming to a abrupt stop I saw Sunwoo in front of me. 

"Had fun puppy? Now how about you come back to me?" He said that as he rubbed his thumb on my lower lip. I sighed as I looked for a way to get out of this situation. "Eyes here puppy. I am speaking with you!"

"Why don't you just stay the hell away from me? What did I ever do to you!"

"I am like this because of you! It's all your fault I am obsessed!" I scoffed at his words as I moved my hair back.

"I never even talked with you! Hell I didn't even know you existed till you came in front of me that day!"

"That's the thing! You didn't do anything yet I am behaving like this crazed maniac! All you have to do is submit yourself to me! Do that and we can live happily!” He said all that as he kept coming close to me.

I took slow steps back. When I knew that Eric wasn't paying attention I immediately pushed him hard as I ran out of there.

I didn't even make it till my room when I was pulled somewhere. Before I could scream I was hit on my head with something heavy.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

I woke up to my body hurting all over. I looked around but I couldn't see anything. My whole body was paining.

As I was trying to figure things out I heard the door open and close. I tried my best to stay calm but the minute the cloth was removed from my eyes my blood ran cold.

There stood Sunwoo in front of me with blood all over his clothes. I hoped that what I was thinking was not true.

"It looks like my puppy is awake now. Wanna know what I did with Miyeon? But I am afraid you will feel sick while hearing all of that. Why don't I just take you to her?" Before I could even respond he harshly held my wrist as he pulled me up.

Now looking down I saw how there were numerous cuts on my whole body. I was walking wherever Sunwoo was taking me.

He stopped in front of a room making me halt my steps. "I am telling you. All of this happened because of you puppy." As he said that he opened the door.

Fresh smell of blood hit my nose making me gag. I looked around in horror. Miyeon and Kevin were in this room. They both were badly injured. Injured might also be the wrong word. They looked dead.

"You can consider them dead at this point. They shouldn't have helped you to be fair. Face the consequences." My legs gave up on me as I fell down on the cold ground. Tears streaming down my face endlessly.

"Why...why are you doing this to me?" I lowly whispered as I looked at Kevin and Miyeon.

"I told you puppy. Do something unforgivable...then you face the consequences. Hell you ran away from me for months. Now get up. You would now also want to check up on your little lover boy. Eric took care of him. Hope he didn't do much damage to him and your brother."

Seeing that I had no signs of getting up myself he picked me up as he took me to another room. I kept staring at Miyeon and Kevin as tears didn't stop for a moment.

Sunwoo and I entered the room. I gasped as I saw Eric making cuts on Minhee. As soon as Sunwoo put me down I was ready to run towards him when Sunwoo held my hand again.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sunwoo asked as he glared at me. "You will kill him! Stop it. Please. I...I give up." I yelled as I kept on trying to break free from Sunwoo's grip.

"Y/N that is not how it works dear. To be fair...this guys life is in my hands." I heard Eric say as he walked towards us.

"You want me right? Please let them go at least. I will do anything, hmm? No more, plz.” I pleaded as I hoped these two will listen to me.

"No more." Sunwoo walked towards Minhee

"Y/N...I...I love yo.." before he could even finish his sentence Sunwoo shot him dead.

"Nooooo!" I yelled as my legs gave up on me.

"Why are you crying over him!? He is nothing to you! I should be the only one that should matter to you!" Sunwoo yelled as he came towards me.

"You...you killed him...you killed everyone I love. There is nothing left for me all because of you!" I yelled as I glared up at him.

"We will get that attitude out of you but before that.." he turned back as I followed his gaze. My eyes widened as I shook my head.

"Sunwoo...please no don't do it. I..." before I could even finish my words I heard the clicking of the gun and he shot him.

I screamed as I saw Joshua dead in front of me.

"You can't do this to me! Let me go please." I kept thrashing around in Eric's arm as he tried calming me down.

Seeing no response from Sunwoo I screamed more. Slowly my body started giving up and soon everything went dark.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

I entered the room Y/N was in. I slowly put the first aid box down as I started treating her wounds trying not to wake her up.

After I was done I stared at her as I moved some strands of her hair away from her eyes.

"Why did you have to runaway? I thought we were doing good." I said as I looked at her sleeping figure.

Looking at her like this in this condition made me feel bad. I knew that she shouldn't go through this...but I can't live without her. She is everything I got.

Sighing I stood up and exited the room and locked it from outside. I stood outside the room as I was lost in my thoughts.

"Everything alright?" I turned my head to the voice and saw Eric coming out of his room. I merely nodded my head as I started walking downstairs.

"Now that you got Y/N...what will you do?"

"I...I will go back to Korea once she recovers. I wanna start new. I don't want her to be scared of me."

"She will come along...soon. I mean I hope she does."

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

I stared out of the window as I had nothing to do. I was to weak and hurt to escape right now and the door was locked.

Soon enough I heard the door unlocking as Sunwoo stepped inside.

"Hey...here. Your breakfast." He said as he kept the food in front of me. I pushed the food away from me as I heard him sigh.

"You haven't eaten anything since yesterday. Have some please. You're already weak." I shook my head at his words as he sat down in front of me.

"Puppy...don't make me mad. Eat this. Now." I stared at him for a bit as I took the plate in my hand and took a bite. "Eat everything. You will need some energy to argue with me."

After awhile I was done. I set the plate down as I took some sips of water.

"Y/N....once you're healed. We will go back to Korea. Everything is over. Only you and me. You don't need anyone else. I am all you will ever need now." As he said that he kissed my forehead and stood up.

Before he could exit I spoke up "You're a fucking maniac Kim Sunwoo...you're forcing your love on. I will never love you." I said as I wiped my cheeks.

He turned around as he spoke with his hands in his pockets "Call it whatever you want Forced Love or not...you're still mine. At the end of the day. I am everything you got puppy." He exited the room before I could reply.

Tears slowly started flowing down my eyes. I really am stuck with him now. There is no one who can help me out now.

———x———

Tagging: @deoboyznet

[miss-tc-nova]

All Not Lost - Percy de Rolo x Reader

Ventured into Vox Machina and now I'm in love with a nerd. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Premise: After years under a mind control spell, someone finds it hard to return to a broken home

Words: 2,688

Music Inspiration: The Magic Music Box - Orchestral Music by Jojo Comps

~~~~~

               Getting used to the loss of five years was never going to be easy. I lived an eternity in endless pain, but at the same time, in the blink of an eye, I lost everything. It wasn’t just the final years of my teens but also my whole world. My parents, my siblings, the friends I had, the people I loved—all of them in my life one moment and gone the next. Now I’m here, in this new world and trying to figure out how to take another step when I’m so afraid of walking.

               A voice pierces my mourning. Lifting my gaze from the text I’d long since lost track of, I find Percival de Rolo. It was Percy and his friends that tore me from Delilah Briarwood’s hypnotic spell, dragging me through time to a world I’m not sure I want to be part of.

               There’s something concerned on his straight features. It easily beckons a smile to my lips, a deceit I had much practice with lately.

               “Sorry, were you talking to me?” I ask a bit tongue in cheek.

               “I was, in fact.” Arms fold as green eyes peer at my tome from behind spectacles. “Though you seem far more engrossed in…the destruction of existence as we know it.”

               “Huh?!”

               A gloved finger points at the page, underlining the text that speaks of poorly performed magic that could unravel the fabric of reality.

               “Not planning to doom us all, are you?”

               “N-No! Nooo.” The book snaps shut, leaving the immediately vicinity via its flight over my shoulder.

               One of those dark brows quirk. “Really?”

               “Yeah. I was actually looking at teleportation spells but I guess I just…got lost in my own thoughts.”

               “I see.” Percy retrieves the tossed tome and returns it to the table. “Well no need to take it out on a perfectly good book. Though maybe we should reconsider its return if it contains the secrets to destroying the world.”

               I laugh. “I’m sure not a soul in existence has the power to pull that off. Besides, this is mine.”

               “So I should confiscate it.”

               “Only if you’d like to continue walking everywhere.”

               “We have Keyleth for that.”

��              My expression falls deadpan. “What was it you needed me for?”

               He eyerolls my abrupt change of subject. “We’re going out for a drink and there were questions as to whether or not you’d care to join us.”

               “Oh…”

               I can understand that—a festive drink in celebration of another day survived. That’s the way Vox Machina enjoyed life and I could never deny them that. But I don’t feel like I survived, nor am I in the mood for said merriment.

               “I think I’ll pass but I appreciate the invitation.”

               Standing, I collect my text and start for the hall of borrowed rooms. Before I disappear, however, I pause.

               I lost it all beneath the Briarwood’s rule, and that included Percy. Yes, he stands before me now, but I can no longer claim him to be the boy I served for all those years—the boy I befriended. Somehow, this truth hurts me more than if his life had also been claimed by those monsters. And I find myself utterly disgusted for thinking such terrible things.

               Again, there’s worry across his face that I can only smile at.

               “Are you certain?” The soft, low gravel in his voice grates at my resolve.

               “I’ll be fine. Enjoy your night, Percy.”

               In the instant my back turns, the smile slips away. With every step, my heart cries to go running back and spill my every misery to him. Had I not come to terms with the fact that he is not the person I once knew, I have no doubt that I would be on my knees, wailing and begging him not to leave me.

               The door to my room closes and the silence is deafening.

               Because I’m a fucking coward.

~~~~~

               Groaning, I pry my face from my pillow. The pain of spilt tears stings at my eyes, but I force them open all the same. Darkness rules the room, the lantern on my bedside table has long since flickered out. Silver moonlight filters through the curtains to give some semblance of bearings.

               Again, the knocking rattles my tranquility, though this time, a voice follows.

               I should let him go—let him think me asleep and wander away for I know I’m at my weakest and Percy deserves so much better than for me to drag us into the past.

               But I’m at my weakest.

               The worn blanket clears my face before I stand. In my stride to the door, I straighten out my appearance. Though rationale yells at me to stop, emotions pull open the door.

               There he stands, surprised, perhaps thinking I wouldn’t answer.

               “What’s wrong?” I hate how broken I sound.

               “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

               “I wouldn’t really call it sleep. Did you need something?”

               The well-dressed man straightens up, as if he’s rehearsed this a dozen times over.

               “Yes actually. I need you to come with me.”

               “Isn’t it late?”

               A smile cracks his lips, cracking at my fractured resilience. “We don’t have bedtimes anymore, do we?”

               My gaze adverts. “I suppose not…”

               “Just trust me.”

               A glove extends to me in offering and I somewhat retreat into my room.

               “Please.”

               Following that arm, my eyes find his face again and, for a moment, I see the boy from my past and there’s nothing I can do to keep from taking his hand. Percy hesitates not even a second in pulling me towards the front door, the warmth of his palm lulling me into acquiescence. My bare feet skim the stone floor, muted by the soft click of his boots. The utter silence of the building cautions the slumber or absence of other callers. Only we—as we creep through the dormant shadows—stir in this silent night.

               Even as my guide draws open the door, I follow without question. No, I only think twice when he steps towards the black steed harnessed to a small carriage. Even so, all I find in my glance is an encouraging smile.

               Gesturing to the uncovered cart, Percy lures me towards the steps. I don’t even have the words to respond, my hypnosis convincing my feet to climb the steps instead. Once I’m comfortably seated, Percival climbs into the driver’s seat and sets out.

               Whitestone, in all its destruction and desecration, rolls by as the carriage wheels creek through deserted streets. Seeing the present whilst remembering the past only brings back the ache I earlier tried to escape. My once proud and thriving home is naught more than a pile of rubble with its citizens scrounging on the edge of starvation. Each passing corner draws me closer to tears. Yet I somehow remain composed, trusting in the man that brought me here.

               There’s not much else he could take from me anyway.

               The excursion eventually leaves that battered city behind, climbing the gentle slopes that used to bring a bustle of travelers from across the realm. Nearing the top of said slope is where the horse’s hooves begin to slow, pulling the cart to the side of the road. The carriage driver dismounts his seat, strolling to the side where he, yet again, offers his assistance.

               “We’re here.”

               Cool grass rustles beneath my toes, soft against unprotected skin. A whisper of a breeze moves the air, careful not to cause unease in this comfortable atmosphere.

               “Where’s ‘here’?” I ask, my voice barely able to break the quiet.

               Percy waves away from the carriage. “Why don’t you see for yourself.”

               It takes my weary soul a moment to sum up the energy to take those few small steps. As I do, the grand ruins of Whitestone revel in the valley below. At its heart, the damage took its toll, but gazing down upon its corpse, the city breaks me. Knees give, bringing to me to the ground, trembling hands trying to contain the grief from pouring out.

               Through the mounting misery, a gentle hand meets my back. “It’s alright.”

               “How can you call this alright?!” My words come out louder, but I can by no means call them strong. “Our home is in ruins! We lost everything!”

               “So that’s what you see.”

               Breath still quivering in my chest, I peer up at Percy. His expression is that of contemplation.

               “I suppose I should have expected as much. When I first returned, that’s all I saw too. Nearly everyone I knew is dead and my home is in shambles. I’d given up hope that Whitestone could ever be prosperous again.” That smile returns ere long. “But the Briarwoods are gone. Those that are still here choose to rebuild and the people are in good hands. From what remains there’s potential. Whitestone can be great again—maybe even better. There’s an entire city down there just waiting to grow anew.”

               Looking back to my home, I consider his words. I can’t say that I’m entirely convinced, though I can no longer see just doomed remains. Some of those sentiments sooth the pain enough for me to clear my eyes.

               “Besides, I wouldn’t say we lost everything.”

               From my back, his hand slips beneath my fingers. His thumb softly strokes against my skin. I’m now unsure whether the hiccup in my chest came from my ebbing sorrow or my heart.

               “We’re here, aren’t we?”

               Percy waits patiently as I gather my words to respond. From his touch, my hand retreat as the rest of me tries its best to hide from him.

               “So much has changed from what I remember. To say that the people we were survived would be inaccurate.”

                “I agree that people change over time, but surely there’s still part of us that always remembers who we were, don't you think?"

               From the corner of my eye, I see Percy reach into his coat. Curiosity gets the better of me. In his palm sits a small ornate box. Silver embellishments flourish across ebony paint, a small silver latch securing the lid. Into my hands, he pushes the trinket. I warily turn the box in my fingers, noting the detail and craftmanship of the item. It appears to be not new but in good condition and not quite perfect. Barely noticeable, a hole in the side blends into the design. Easily, the box opens to show me its secrets. A bundle of mechanical parts is wound together inside yet I understand not its purpose. The metal cylinder is riddled with bumps sitting beside a comb with narrowly spaced teeth while a spring runs the length of the small container.

               Before I can ask, Percy extends his hand again. A silver chain tumbles across his palm, twisting and turning in on itself. At its heart lies a small, silver key. The peculiar charm has no teeth, but a hole at its end and, as I pick it up, I understand.

               Inserting the key into the side of the box, I’m met with some minor resistance. It clicks with each turn until, after a few turns, it moves no further.

               The moment I release the key is the moment the world stops spinning.

               The cylinder turns, those bumps brushing against the metal teeth of the comb with a chime. Each sound on its own is simply senseless noise, but as it continues to turn, it recreates a melody etched deep into my heart. A bright room adorned with golden decorations and luxurious drapes gleams beneath an elegant chandelier. The finest dresses and shoes skim the polished floor in tempo to the orchestra’s magic. People weave together before pushing apart, only to retwine themselves in elegant dance.

               Most importantly, he stands before me. Trauma has yet marred his face, pure innocence left behind that bashful smile. Naivety leads our steps yet allows us to indulge in our blissful youth. We had no fear for we knew none. Our lives were whole. And we were happy.

               “You remembered,” I whisper.

               Percy’s expression holds softer as he too remembers that simple dream. “It was your favorite song. How could I forget?” His gaze wanders the stars above. “You would go about your chores humming that song every day since that dance at my sister’s eighteenth birthday. It was as if you never wanted me to forget.”

               I stare back down at the singing box. “Because I never wanted to forget.”

               “See.” He snares my attention again. “You may not be who you were, but there’s still some semblance of the person I knew in there.”

               Percy stands, pulling me up beside him. Carefully, he takes the box and winds it once again before replacing it in my hand. This time, however, his fingers carefully cradle mine as the box sings its little tune.

               Wistfully, he says, “I can only hope that part of who you saw back then still exists in me.”

               Without warning, Percy pushes me back. I stumble, but the arm at my back keeps me balanced. It occurs to me what he’s doing and the second movement is far smoother. Into memories he leads me, through our childhood and into our teenage years. We spent so much time in each other’s company—in casual conversation, in fervent discussion, sometimes even in silence. It was Percy’s presence that always brought me peace, even now in this new broken existence. And I would dance with him until my last breath if the world would only let me.

               The notes teeter out, the music wheel eventually coming to a stop. Slowly, our feet also cease to move, our reminiscence at an end. Percy’s arms drop and I hold the music box close to my chest.

               “Thank you, Percy. I needed this.”

               It’s hard to see in only the moonlight, but a tint of pink dusts his nose. “Think nothing of it.” He reaches forward, carefully draping the silver chain around my neck. “After all, it only took me five years to finally give it to you.”

               “You got this for me?” A flutter in my chest begins to smolder.

               “Technically, I made it for you.”

               “You made this?”

               “Of course.” At the simple gesture of brushing the hair from my face, Percy ignites those embers. “Because I never wanted you to forget.”

               His touch is careful and soft, as though I might break. However, I need only the smallest sign to lean into his caress. Even the press of his lips to my forehead speaks of his caution, but I see the longing burning in his eyes. For us, it’s been far too long and yet no time at all. Percy is a different person and yet he’s still the same. I suppose not everything has been lost to me.

               Fingers curl around Percy’s coat, my head tilting back. My consent is clear and his head dips a second time. It’s like being blessed with new life, filling my chest with hope I dared not have before this moment. It’s soft and deliberate, meant to relay all we’ve weathered and all we will weather. But this one thing between us will stand through it all.

               Just as it began, it ends though the significance of it all hangs in the air. In his embrace, I soak in his presence. While I have his warmth, however, the night has grown ever late and from my mouth escapes a yawn.

               His voice is reluctant to break our serenity. “We’d best get you back to bed.”

               Rather than answer, I press tighter against him. In response, Percy slips his arms beneath me and whisks me back to the carriage. Sleep nearly takes me in the time it takes to return to our temporary residence. Again, it’s Percy’s strength that returns me to my bed, but it’s mine that keeps him there. I’m not ready for him to leave me again, no matter how short the night may be. He grants me that plea and it’s in his arms that I finally find the shattered pieces of my heart in peace.

~~~~~

Nova’s Other Masterlist

[ladyeyrewrites]

Feelings Hurled Like Hand Grenades

Read from Chapter One

Chapter Four: I Have a Life

Rated M

4,435 words

Gina fidgeted with her phone, which was not like her at all. She was not a fidgeter. She either took action or she waited patiently for things to happen in their own time. None of this flitting from one unfinished task to the next checking for a notification that had yet to come every five minutes.

Except, today, apparently, she was a fidgeter.

Today: the day Michael and Anthony were meeting Thomas in Los Angeles.

Gina had stopped believing in God a long time ago, but this itching under her skin made her want to pray for a positive outcome. That hope for her nephews to have what she’d never had with her siblings clutched at her heart with such a desperate grip that Gina wasn’t sure if she could stand it if they failed. If they came away from this meeting with more baggage between them than when they’d started.

But she couldn’t sit on her lovely green velvet sofa fiddling her rings and checking her phone on a loop all day, so Gina put an audio book on and set about deep cleaning her kitchen while she waited for news of the outcome of the three brothers’ meeting.

Michael was the first to call. It was Sunday morning before their flight back from Los Angeles.

“Michael?” she answered the phone. “Are you at the airport?”

“Yeah, Auntie. Sorry if it’s a bit noisy,” said Michael and there certainly was a lot of background noise filtering through over the line. “I just, wanted to talk to you as soon as possible.”

“Did it not go well?” Gina asked, heart sinking.

“I don’t know,” said Michael. “I mean. It wasn’t terrible, but it was awkward, like we really don’t know each other anymore.”

“Well, you don’t,” Gina pointed out as she filled her tea kettle and set it on the stove. “You’re virtually strangers at this point.”

Read the rest on Ao3 or after the cut.

Michael laughed ruefully. “I guess you’re right,” he said.

“So, did it go well or not?” Gina asked. Michael generally needed a certain amount of guidance to stay on topic and Gina wasn’t feeling patient enough to let him go rambling off onto one tangent or another before he finally found his way back to the reason he’d called.

“I guess,” said Michael. “We’re going to meet up again sometime, and Tommy wants to introduce us to Evan.”

“Who is delightful, by the way,” said Gina. “But why am I sensing that you wished things had gone better?”

Michael sighs. “I don’t know, Auntie. I guess I don’t know if I really got across how sorry I was for everything I said to Tommy back then.”

“But Thomas wants to see you again and he wants to introduce you to his fiancé,” said Gina. “That seems like it went well.”

“Maybe, Auntie,” said Michael. “But he didn’t say he forgives me.”

It was Gina’s turn to sigh. “Your brother is under no obligation to forgive you, Michael,” she said. “You caused him real pain and that isn’t something that will go away just because you’re remorseful.” Before Michael could jump in, Gina added. “Thomas doesn’t have to forgive you for the two of you to move on. He knows you’re sorry and he still wants to have a relationship with you. Take the victory, Michael. Even if it’s a small one.”

“I don’t know, Auntie,” said Michael. “I’m not feeling awful victorious right now.”

There were times when Gina wished she had less patience. That she was the kind of person who could give into her impulses and smack a loved one upside the head until they saw sense. But she’d never had that sort of temperament. Still, Michael was fraying her patience. “Did you honestly think this would be a one and done, say you’re sorry and let bygones be bygones situation, Michael?” she asked. She didn’t mean to raise her voice, but she had a rare moment where her control slipped, and her tone turned shrill.

“No,” said Michael, “but—”

“No buts.” Gina also didn’t like to interrupt but Michael needed his head pulled out of his own behind and she didn’t mind doing the dirty work. “What the three of you are doing, it’s hard. It’s brave. It’s not the sort of thing that most people have the courage to do, me included. But you have to keep doing the work. It’s the same as trying to stay on the wagon. You have to keep showing up, keep going even when it’s hard and it hurts, and you just want to scream at the world. There are no short cuts and maybe some days it will be agony, but other days will bring you more joy than you ever could have hoped, but only if you keep trying.”

There was a moment of silence in which Gina wondered if she’d gone too far, but then Michael laughed, nothing riotous, just a little mirthless thing probably accompanied by a head shake if she knew her nephew. “You’re right, Auntie,” he said. “Thanks.”

“Any time, Michael,” she said. And then they said goodbye and Gina stared at her kettle willing it to boil faster.

What was she doing?

Gina shook her head and turned off the stove. She called Tabitha.

“I sincerely hope you’re calling as my friend and not as my boss, Gina Kinard,” said Tabitha. “It is Sunday.”

“I need to get out of the house,” said Gina, already grabbing her purse and keys.

“That doesn’t really answer the question,” said Tabitha.

“Friend,” said Gina. “My nephews are driving me crazy.”

“I’ll get the coffee going,” said Tabitha.

#

True to her word, Tabitha has an espresso ready and waiting for Gina by the time she arrived at her friend’s single story craftsman nestled in a quiet neighbourhood not far from the newspaper office.

“So, do you want to talk about why your nephews are driving you crazy?” Tabitha asked.

Gina sighed – she seemed to be doing a lot of sighing since her mother’s death – and launched into the briefest version she could. “I’m worried about them,” she admitted. “I just want them to be able to live happy, healthy lives and what if this isn’t the way? What if I’m pushing them in a direction that will make things worse? I mean, we’ve seen all these stories in the advice column about people going no contact with their families and it really does seem to be the best option for some people and clearly Thomas is doing well enough on his own. He doesn’t need us. Doesn’t need me pushing him.” God, she’d been talking to Michael too much too often these days, hadn’t she? She was starting to parrot his speech patterns.

Gina took a sip of espresso – it was perfect, strong and bitter just the way she liked it, like her mother had liked it. How did Thomas take his coffee?

“Gina,” said Tabitha in the tone she used when she was about to say something Gina probably wasn’t going to like. “I say this as your friend, as someone who loves you dearly and wants what’s best for you: you need to get a life.”

Gina was so shocked that a laugh forced its way out of her throat before she’d even fully processed what her friend had said. “I have a life,” she protested.

“No,” said Tabitha. “You have a job.”

“A job I love and that I’ve worked hard for,” said Gina.

Tabitha took Gina’s hands in hers, cupping them gently to avoid giving Gina any pain. She fixed Gina with her unblinking gaze. “When is the last time you did something for your own sake, Gina?” she asked. “Not for your mother or your nephews or your employees. When’s the last time you dared to be selfish?”

Gina tried to think of a response but couldn’t. Not one that would satisfy Tabitha anyway. All her selfishness was reserved for little luxuries: wine, coffee, chocolate, buying herself flowers. But while those were all lovely little pleasures, one could not base a life on them. They did not sustain. Grief seized Gina. “If this is about me putting myself back out there, don’t bother, Tabitha,” she said. She snatched her hands away. “I lost the love of my life a long time ago.”

“Almost twenty years,” said Tabitha. “It breaks my heart to see you so lonely.”

“I’m not lonely,” said Gina. But that was a lie. People who weren’t lonely didn’t try to fill every waking moment with work and noise and other people’s problems. People who weren’t lonely didn’t deep clean their kitchen cabinets while waiting for a phone call that might not ever come.

Tabitha raised her eyebrow.

“Fine, I’m lonely,” Gina admitted. “But I’m too old to be getting back into dating.” And her walls had grown too thick for anyone sane to climb over them and into her heart.

Tabitha chuckled. “You’re fifty-two, Gina. That’s hardly old. You could have another forty years left on this earth if your mother is anything to go by. Do you really want to spend another forty years alone? Is that what Siobhan would have wanted for you?”

Gina flinched. “That’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not,” said Tabitha. “And I’m sorry if it hurts, Gina, I really am but I am so tired of seeing you wallow.”

“I do not wallow,” said Gina. “Warthogs wallow, pigs wallow, elephants and rhinoceroses wallow.” Was that the plural of rhinoceros? Or did they get the octopi treatment? “I resent the implication that I bare any resemblance to such creatures.”

“Oh, get over yourself,” said Tabitha, and Gina doubted it was intentional, but Tabitha used the identical tone and wrist flick Siobhan had used every time she’d told Gina the same, which had been often enough.

And for a moment, Gina was catapulted back in time.

1995

For twenty-two years, Gina had avoided the inevitable: admitting to herself that men held zero appeal to her, that she wasn’t going to get married just to satisfy her parents, and that she wasn’t going to live the sexless life of a nun.

When she heard about Club Q – a once-a-month dance party for women – Gina was initially hesitant to go. She wasn’t exactly a clubbing kind of girl. She wasn’t really a dancer. She hadn’t even gone to her high school prom, though she had been asked.

But curiosity was a stubborn thing, a growing thing – consumptive. Every month on the first Friday, her thoughts wandered to the Tenderloin where a sea of women danced, free to look and lust and love and every month her curiosity reached a higher peak until the first Friday in December, Gina put on a shimmery halter top and a short leather skirt and chunky heels. She did her make-up in a way she never would have done at home with a liner several shades darker than her lipstick – a way that would have raised her mother’s eyebrows and her father’s fist, but her mother was miles away, an hour outside of the city and her father was dead. They’d never know.

Curiosity roared louder than nerves, louder than doubt as the woman at the door stamped her wrist.

Wide-eyed, Gina took in the scene, let the music flow over her – not her taste, but there was something in the electronic rhythm that made her want to lose herself or perhaps to loose herself, to unchain her inhibitions and live freely. At least for one night before she folded herself back into the shape of the good, studious daughter she was supposed to be.

Gina waded into the thick of it, into the swirl of women – so many women of every size and shape and colour. Butch women, femme women. Women in tube tops with belly button rings. Women in flannel shirts and combat boots. Shaved heads and butterfly clips. Naked faces and caked on makeup. Cargo pants and short shorts. Every kind of woman in between.

For the first time in twenty-two years, Gina felt like she could breathe and then the breath was knocked from her lungs when she saw her.

Red hair shining under the disco ball. White tank top. Baggy jeans. A lip ring. Tattoos wrapping over her shoulders like a shawl.

And Gina only meant to look. To admire. To yearn and then to find someone safer, someone who wouldn’t consume her more thoroughly than her own curiosity.

But the red head had other plans.

And a wicked grin.

And a kiss that scorched away every fear Gina had ever known until she was reborn.

And that was it for Gina.

No more pretending to be the nice Catholic girl. No more denying herself pleasure.

They danced.

They kissed.

Gina let herself be led away. Let herself be devoured and ate hungrily in return.

“Slow down,” said the red head, putting a steadying hand on Gina’s head, making Gina pause her ministrations. “Take your time.”

“Sorry.” Gina blushed, breathless. “I’ve never done this before.”

“That’s okay,” said the red head – Siobhan. “The key is to get over yourself. To give yourself over. To stop thinking.”

“I’m not very good at that,” said Gina.

“I’d say you’re doing just fine,” said Siobhan and she smiled, and Gina may have fallen in love with her right then as she lay between Siobhan’s thighs staring up into that open, smiling face.

2025

Gina gasped, dragging herself out of the memory before it could twist from their first days together to Siobhan’s final days when Gina wasn’t even allowed to see her. Wasn’t even allowed to know she’d died.

Things were different now that people like her had better protections. That Gina might never again have to go through what she went through when Siobhan was dying. But there was always an off-chance. “I can’t go through that kind of pain again,” she said. “I think it would kill me.”

“You’re letting your fear control you, Gina,” said Tabitha. “You’re letting it diminish you.”

Tears slipped down Gina’s cheeks. “I know,” she gripped Tabitha’s hands as hard as she could arthritis pain be damned. “I don’t know how to stop being afraid.”

Tabitha pulled her into a hug – one of her signature Tabitha hugs, all softness and warmth and reassurance. “It’s okay to be afraid,” she said. “But you need hope too. And who knows maybe you’ll find a hot young thing to take care of you in your old age.”

Gina laughed even though all she wanted to do was cry.

#

Anthony waited for her when she got home. He lounged against the left column of her front porch as though it was his sworn duty to keep it from falling.

“Have you gone home yet?” she asked.

Anthony shook his head, adjusted the backpack slung across one shoulder. “I got an Uber here from the airport.”

Gina strode past him and unlocked her door, beckoning him inside with a tilt of her head.

“Have you been crying, Auntie?” Tony asked, always too observant for her liking. He took off his boots at the door, placing them neatly side-by-side next to the umbrella stand. His socks were purple and blue stripes. There was a hole in the big toe of the left one which she very magnanimously did not point out.

Gina shook her head. “You’re not here to talk about me,” she said. “Do you want something to drink? Tea? Coffee? Something stronger?”

He shook his head. “I don’t do alcohol or caffeine. They mess with my meds.”

If Gina had been in a prying mood, she might have followed that up with a question, but it was a rare thing for Anthony to come to her and he was easily spooked. She didn’t want to scare him off before he’d gotten what he needed.

“I have chamomile,” she said, making her way to the kitchen. “No caffeine in that.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll give it a try.”

Gina shook her head. “Your best friend since high school is a lesbian and you’ve never had chamomile tea?”

Anthony laughed just like she’d wanted him to. “Pretty sure that’s a stereotype, Auntie,” he said.

Gina shrugged as she returned this morning’s still-full kettle to the stove. “I’ve known a lot of lesbians,” she said. “I’ve yet to see it proven false.” Why she didn’t come out and tell her nephew that she was one of those lesbians, she didn’t know. He’d be accepting. He wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. But would he be able to understand her in the same way Thomas had?

Probably not.

They stood in awkward silence as they waited for the tea to boil, but the silence was likely less awkward than the conversation Anthony had come here to have and awkward conversations were best had while drinking tea rather than waiting for water to boil, interrupted by the shrill whistle of the kettle letting off steam.

“I haven’t seen you since the funeral,” Gina said once they were settled on her sofa. Siobhan had always wanted one just like it, but they’d never been able to afford it. It was the first thing Gina had bought once she’d been promoted to editor: a monument to the love of her life planted firmly in the heart of her living room. But that was a morbid thought for another day. Gina pushed down all thoughts of loves lost and loves yet to be found and brought her full attention to bear upon her nephew.

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Anthony swiped a hand across the back of his neck. “I don’t really have an excuse. It just didn’t cross my mind.”

Gina favoured him with a smile. “That’s as it should be,” she said. “You’re young. You should be out living your life not worrying about old maid aunts. I don’t mind. But something’s troubling you. What is it?”

Anthony took a tip of tea, swirled it cheek to cheek before swallowing and took a second sip. Then he spoke. “After Tommy left, everyone stopped talking about him,” he said. “It was like he stopped existing. Like he was some imaginary friend I made up as a kid. Or an imaginary punching bag.”

Gina nodded. “Our family’s good at secrets,” she said. “Good at ignoring all the bad things, pretending we have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Tommy wasn’t something to be ashamed of,” said Anthony, gripping his mug like he wanted to make a fist.

“It wasn’t Thomas we were ashamed of,” said Gina quickly. “We were ashamed of ourselves, for not doing right by him. I was ashamed that I didn’t do more to help him. To help all of you. To help your mother.”

Anthony let out a shuddering breath. “There’s so much I don’t know,” he said. “So much I was too little to understand or blocked out or chose to ignore.” He shook his head.

“You were a child.” Gina put her hand on his knee. “It wasn’t your responsibility.”

“No,” said Anthony. “It was yours and Nonna’s and Aunt Bella’s. It was your responsibility to talk about things and you didn’t and because you didn’t, I didn’t know what was going on and I spent the last twenty years hating my brother because I didn’t know what he was running away from, not really.” Anthony shook his head. “I mean, I knew Dad was hard on him.”

“Hard is an understatement,” said Gina. “You want to know why your father treated Thomas the way he did?”

Anthony nodded.

Gina put her mug down and rubbed her hands over her face, gathering her thoughts. “I was a child when your brother was born. Eleven or twelve years old. I can’t really say I understood what was going on, not really. But when my father found out Jonathan had gotten Angela pregnant, he beat Jonathan to within an inch of his life.” She squeezed her eyes shut against the memory. “My father threatened to kill my brother if he didn’t marry Angela and get a job to support her and the baby.”

“I never knew,” said Anthony.

“You weren’t supposed to,” said Gina. “Your father was never nice, but he got worse after that.” Gina shuddered. She’d tried to spend as much time out of the house as she could back then, haunting the library and the rec centre and the neighbourhood pool whenever they were open, but inevitably they would close, and she’d have to go home to the stew of resentment that had become her family home. “He started to scare me. He didn’t hit your mother while she was pregnant, but he did once Thomas was born. If they hadn’t been living with us the first year or so, I think Jonathan might have killed Thomas. Maybe not on purpose, but he I can imagine him losing his temper, hitting the baby or shaking it and that would have been that. But my mother never let Jonathan be alone with Thomas while they lived under our roof.” Gina took another sip of tea as though to rinse away that time. “Your father got better once he became a police officer. He had years where he was better.”

“He got to be a bully at work so why would he need to be a bully at home,” said Anthony who had a dislike for police that Gina only vaguely understood. Not that she was overly fond of them herself.

“Perhaps,” she said. “He was still hard on Thomas though. Still resented him. And then your mother died, and I can’t even begin to put myself in your father’s shoes, but Angela’s death seemed to bring up a whole new slew of resentments. Thomas took the brunt of your father’s temper.”

“And then Tommy left, and it was Mikey’s turn,” said Anthony.

Gina nodded. Fear gripped her as she prepared to ask a question, she knew the answer to already. “What about you? Did he target you after Michael went to college?”

Anthony shrugged. “I never had it as bad as they did.” Which wasn’t really an answer, but told her enough. “But I worry about Noah. About how Dad’s treating him.”

“Not Simone?” Gina asked.

“Her too,” said Anthony. “But she’s Dad’s little princess. I think Dad would go to Tommy’s wedding before he’d lay a hand on her.”

“I worry about them,” said Gina. “But the best I can do is make sure they know my door is always open to them.”

“They know,” said Anthony. His gaze drifted over to a photo she kept hanging on the wall. One of Angela and her three boys taken one Christmas when Jonathan had been working and everyone had been able to relax and truly enjoy the holiday. “Do you think Tommy would have stayed if Dad had died instead of Mom?” His voice cracked as though he hated himself for saying it out loud.

“I don’t know,” said Gina. “Maybe. Maybe not. But I think he’s where he needs to be now, even though his road getting there was painful.”

“You like his boyfriend,” said Tony.

“Fiancé,” said Gina. “My idea by the way. And yes, I do. He reminds me of what your mother was like when she was younger.”

Anthony nodded, frowning in thought.

“Do you have anyone?” Gina asked, even though she knew Tabitha would scold her for trying to live vicariously through her nephews.

“Not sure that’s in the cards for me, Auntie.” Anthony shook his head. There seemed to be more he wasn’t saying.

The reporter in Gina stirred – not that it was ever far below the surface. “That’s a bit too much of a definitive statement for someone who’s not even thirty,” she said.

Anthony holds himself incredibly still, like a deer scenting the wind just before deciding to bolt. “So, you know how Tommy’s gay?”

“I’m aware,” said Gina. “Is there something you need to tell me?”

He takes a shaky breath. He won’t look at her, eyes fixed on a spot on the carpet. “I’m not exactly straight,” he said.

Gina couldn’t say she was surprised. Not really. But she’d never pegged Anthony as gay either. Maybe he was bisexual or pansexual or one of the many other identities on the spectrum of sexuality. “Oh?” she asked not wanting to push too hard.

“It’s hard to explain,” said Anthony in the tone of a young person who’d forgotten that his elders were likely to have done and experienced things he’d never even fathomed.

“Try me,” said Gina, crossing her arms.

“I don’t really experience attraction,” Anthony said like he was confessing a mortal sin. “I mean, I’ve had people I’ve liked on an emotional level. People I’ve wanted to be in a relationship with. But it’s not sexual.”

Gina smiled wryly. “You’re on the Asexual spectrum then?” She savoured the shock on her nephew’s face at the fact that she knew what that was. And since he’d shown courage in coming to her, perhaps it was time to show him courage in kind. “I suppose, if you’re coming out to me, I may as well come out to you.”

Anthony frowned. “Are you Ace too? Is that why you never married?”

Gina shook her head, sorry to disappoint him. “I never married because it was never legal for me to get married when there was someone I wanted to marry. And by the time it was legal, the person I wanted to marry was long gone. I’m a lesbian, Anthony.”

His eyes widened. “That lady who used to live with you. The one with the tattoos.” He blinked as though reevaluating his memories.

“Siobhan was my partner, yes,” said Gina. The past tense still stung all this time later.

“She died though.” Anthony fixed her with a look of unbearable sympathy, one that made her feel her grief as though it was brand new.

“She did,” said Gina.

“And there’s never been anyone else?” Anthony asked.

Gina shook her head. She ran her hands over the velvet coach cushion, the one Siobhan would have loved.

Anthony had never been one for showing physical affection, but he switched his seat from the armchair to the sofa and pulled her into his arms. He wasn’t as big as Thomas nor as soft as Michael, but he hugged her fierce enough that Gina felt a bit of comfort force its way into the wound she’d been nursing for nearly two decades.

Maybe it was time to let it heal.

[jfleamont]

“Divination” for your prompt request please ☺️

Hello! Thank you, here it is 💕

Divination - 766 words

“What the hell is wrong with me?”

The silence of the library is broken by a voice, a voice that unmistakably belongs to Lily, and James jumps in his seat.

He looks up to find her sitting at the table next to his. He doesn't know how long she has been there, but thinks it's weird that he hasn't noticed until now. The library is deserted on this Saturday afternoon except for them and a group of second years a few tables away, so naturally everyone is looking at her now.

Their eyes meet and she gives him a rueful smile, mouthing a ‘sorry’.

“Evans, Evans, Evans…” he says as he stands up, already walking towards her (he can't help it), and joins her at her table, his books and notes already forgotten. He settles in the seat at her left, and it doesn't look like she minds the proximity. 

“To answer your question… A couple of things, really?” he whispers conspiratorially in her ear. 

She smells lovely. 

She chuckles. “I wasn't asking you,” she replies, and she bends her head towards him, her breath ghosting his ear.

His heartbeat quickens, but he chooses to focus on the matter at hand. “How was I supposed to know? It sounded like you were in dire need of help.”

Lily laughs again. “Thanks for the rescue, but I doubt you can help me.”

“Try me.”

“You don't take Divination anymore so I don't think Ornithomancy is your forte,” she points to an illustration of a raven in her book.

James shrugs. “I know one thing or two about birds.”

“Birds as in girls, maybe, but you wouldn't be able to tell me why all my experiments are going south. Literally.”

At his confused look, she explains. “We were tasked with studying the flight of birds but all I got was a bunch of bad omens.”

He stretches his arms, casually resting one on her chair. “Well, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It probably means you're shit at this bird reading thing.”

She swats his arm. “I am brilliant at this, thank you very much.”

“Until now. Besides, isn't it all up to interpretation? Just write that you think you're going to die very soon and you're good. You will probably get extra points because of the sob story.”

Lily starts playing with the hem of her skirt, and James’ gaze is drawn to her thighs now.

“It's not as simple as that,” she sighs, “I have to be very specific with my descriptions. The time of day, the season, the weather conditions and the number of birds I see determine the exact moment in which said bad thing will happen.”

James covers her hand with his own to stop her from fidgeting, and he ignores the heat of her skin. “You're right, I know fuck-all about this but I also like to think that I know you quite well, and - don't get mad -” she's looking at him now, “you tend to be a bit pessimistic. It's one thing if you're worried about your mark, but this not the case, isn't it?” 

She shakes her head. Slowly, he starts massaging her hand. “This is homework, Lily, that's all it is. I know that it's hard to imagine a world without school with the NEWTs looming over our heads, but really, relax. Take a walk, go outside… Alright, maybe try not to look at the sky for the time being,” he adds, and Lily hides a giggle behind her hand, “but go out. Please.”

Go out with me he wants to say, but he stops himself.

“Now?” 

He looks away from her for a moment to peer outside the window.

“It's a nice enough day. Bit chilly, maybe, but you don't mind that, do you?” 

She's biting her bottom lip, and he knows because he's staring at her mouth.

“Okay. Let's go, then,” she gets up suddenly, but doesn't let go of his hand.

He realises that Lily wants him to come. Him. “What?”

“You need a break as much as me, you nerd. You didn't even notice me coming in.”

“That's right,” he replies as he gets up, “when did you arrive?”

With a flick of his wand, his books are in his bag, and Lily summons it for him, adjusting it on his shoulder.

“Oh, about five minutes before you spoke to me,” she says nonchalantly, walking towards the door to the library.

James’ mouth forms a perfect ‘o’ but she doesn't see it, walking a step ahead of him, their hands still linked.

[elly99]

In An Airplane

Part 2 of 3. Check here for more details.

I've been thinking about you on this aeroplane And my, my mind is in the sky When I'm dreaming about you on this aeroplane

09:28 CET

A new morning in Milan. A new number in your phone. You notice she'd already messaged you.

good morning! 😊 you have a pretty name! it suits you. nice to meet you! again ㅋㅋㅋ

good morning! and thank you!! i like your name too! nice to officially meet you hanni 🤝

oops sorry i'm so used to using ㅋㅋㅋ i forgot you probably don't know what that means 🤣 it's just like laughing in korean

yeah i figured ㅋㅋㅋ

did you sleep well?

best sleep i've had for as long as i can remember 😴 how about you?

same!! i think i have you to thank for that 🤭

and i have you to thank for last night! it still doesn't seem real

i know! i had such a nice time 💓

Normally you'd be surprised to see hearts sent so soon, but after last night you could send her a million.

me too! hihi 💓

you know what else is real tho? work today 😣 but it should be fun!!

i'm sure it will be. and you'll nail it! fighting!! you guys say that right? 😅

yeah that's right! hahaha

You already knew you were right but you found yourself wanting her affirmation.

hey i need to get ready soon 🙁 what time's your flight?

it's at 8 in the evening but my parents want to head to the airport after lunch

ok i'm going for a walk in a bit then i think i'm eating lunch at the hotel so i might see you in the lobby or something

don't worry i'll pretend i don't know you

i'm glad you got to know me last night tho 😊 i'm thankful the universe sent you my way 💫

so am i!!

i'll get going now! keeping texting me ok? even if i don't reply right away. i really like talking to you 💗

me too hanni! take care! 💗

The morning was cold and the sky was grey, but just like last night, she had a way of keeping you warm. You look at your messages, then once again at the roses on your bedside table. You couldn't stop smiling.

13:31 CET

hey we're checking out now. i went out for a walk earlier too! i bought you something and left it at reception. said it was from a fan. luckily my parents didn't notice 😅 hope you like it!! and hope you enjoyed lunch too! will text you when i get to the airport 😊

15:05 CET

checking in bags now. is it weird that i miss you?

17:10 CET

hope your work is going well!! just waiting for boarding now. btw my brother lent me a really interesting book. i'll finish it on the plane later. i'd love to talk about it with you!

heeyyyyy!! i'm soooo so sorry i didn't get back to you!! i really wanted to reply but was really busy and also trying not be suspicious hahaha

hey hanni!! it's no problem at all! don't worry about it 😊

just finished a shoot but aaaaaa i got your flowers!! thank you so much!!! 🥹 they're beautiful! i love them so much 💕

i'm glad!! yeah i realized i couldn't really take the roses you bought me last night on the plane and i didn't want them to go to waste so i just bought a whole bouquet to complement them. and you deserve them more anyway!

you're so sweet! thank you so much!! and i'd love to hear about the book you're reading! just keep ranting about it and i'll get back to you after dinner probably. gotta go for now!

alright enjoy dinner! i'll keep listening to the playlist you made me

hihi hope you like it! let me know which songs you enjoy

will do! oh and i downloaded phoning too! it's so cool you guys have something like this

oh nice!! you're a bunny now 🐰

i think i became one as soon as i met you 🐰

stop being so sweet!! i'm smiling like a crazy person in front of everyone here. ok i really gotta go. text you later!!

see yaaaaa

i miss you too btw

Who was the one smiling like a crazy person now?

21:38 CET

how's it going! hope the wifi on the plane is alright! i just got home from dinner

hey I just finished dinner too and am reading now! how was the food?

we ate at a restaurant right next to the cathedral and it was really good! it just felt kinda weird going back there and not being with you

aw do you miss me that much 🐰

i do 🤭

i miss you too hanni 💗 last night was really special to me. sorry i keep saying that but i can't help it. i hope we get to see each other again soon

it was really special to me too!! we'll meet up soon i promise 🙏 i'll find a way once i get back home in a few days

no rush!! i know you're a busy gurl and you're in the public eye so yeah i really don't wanna pressure you! hope you know that. even if we only ever get to text or call from now on i'll be cool with that. i'm just glad i met you!

ya gurl do be busy!!!

You have to stop yourself from reading too much into that one.

hihi 😋

but for real I'll do my best! meeting you was really such a gift and i wanna see you again

you're really sweet did you know that?

you're sweeter did you know that?

stahp 🙈

hehe 😋 so how's your book btw! i'm gonna have to sleep soon because i gotta get up early tomorrow so i wanna hear about it before going to bed

so the book is called einstein's dreams and it's basically just a collection of stories. the stories describe worlds where time behaves a little differently in each. it's pretty interesting! and a lot of it is based on real parts of einstein's theories. it really makes you think

that sounds really cool! i've always been interested in science! was just never really good at it 😅

well if you couldn't tell i'm a huge nerd. i'll probably study physics or something at uni in korea

really? i mean yeah i could tell haha but i didn't think you'd actually be studying something like physics. you struck me as more of an emotional and artistic person

well i am! idk about artistic but i appreciate art and music. and the beauty in the world. i think that's why i want to study physics. it's like studying the poetry of the universe

only a huge nerd could romanticize a bunch of math

well math is the language that poetry is written in!

alright nerd let me hear about the actual book now hahahah

sorry hahaha

don't be sorry!! i'm just playing around. i love the way you look at the world 😊

aw thanks 🥹 ok so there's two stories in the book that i really like. the first one describes a world where time passes more slowly the higher up in altitude you go which is technically true in the real world but the effect is a lot more pronounced in the story. so everyone moves to the mountains or builds really tall buildings to live in thinking that they'll live longer as a result. then it becomes a status thing like the people who live in the valleys and lowlands are looked down upon. but the irony is it's all just relative. sure up in the mountains time will pass more slowly but only relative to down in the valleys. they're not really gaining any more time in their lives. in fact their lives become shorter because of the thin cold air up there and they start eating less and become unhealthy and aged before their time. i mean science aside it's just interesting to think about the lengths people will go to to run away from something inevitable then they end up making it worse

wow

there's that wow again 😂 that's all you have to say? i mean i get it i kinda ranted sorry hahaha

no no!! it's really interesting i swear!! you'll have to explain the science to me some other time but what i got from that is we should just embrace what we have now. not try to outrun our lives but just live them in the moment. not lose sight of what really matters

and what's that?

love? humanity? i mean you said it became a status thing. people lost their compassion in their greed for something more. something that wasn't even real

yeah... it's kinda sad to think about. humans can be so kind but also so cruel. i wonder where it all goes wrong sometimes

yeah 😞

but hey i don't think i told you this. do you know what i thought when i first saw you on that balcony last night?

oh what?

i thought you were an angel. a very expensive looking angel 😂

noooo stopppp 🙈🙈🙈

i'm serious tho!! i just knew from your voice and your eyes that you would be the kindest person i'd ever met. and i was right. i love the way you look at the world too

you're too sweet stop it 🥹

alright alright you wanna hear the other story? it's a little lighter than this one hahaha

sure! it'll be my bedtime story

ok so in this world time is like a disc and it gets slower as you get closer and closer to the middle. again this can kinda happen in a way in the real world but that's for some other time. but basically you can walk to the center of time and when you're there time will stop. that means you'd never be able to leave but that moment would also last forever. so lovers would go there and kiss or parents would go with their children and hold them to stop them from growing older. but for people who didn't quite reach the center, just passed close to it, their time would slow down so much that when they got back to the rest of the world nothing would be the same. their friends and family would be gone and cities would be completely different. centuries would've passed essentially. so it's like a risk to get close to the center. but some people choose to do it to treasure specific moments. what would you choose?

oh that one's interesting too!! i think it's kinda similar to the first story tho. i feel like we can still treasure the important moments in our lives without having to freeze them forever and lose other things in the process. live in the moment but not freeze it forever

right? i'm glad we think the same!

me too 😊 hey thanks for sharing all this! i know it means a lot to you and it means a lot to me that you're sharing it with me. i gotta go sleep now but don't hesitate to keep writing your thoughts. i wanna hear them all! i'll reply when i wake up. update me when you're home safe ok?

i will!! thanks for being so sweet hanni! i really appreciate it. good night and sweet dreams!! 💗

good night!! hope you sleep well on the plane ❤️

But you still had so much on your mind. She was the kind of person you wanted to share your whole world with. So even if you did manage to sleep, you knew you'd dream about her. And in your dreams you'd be together, the distance between you reduced to nothing. An airplane on the ground, a hotel room in the sky.

3:47 CET

good morning!! hope i'm not waking you up with the notifs. i managed to sleep quite a bit and i'm listening to your playlist again now. and it's playing airplane thoughts! it's a really nice song and it's really fitting. so in the spirit of the song i just wanted to share some more thoughts with you. i was just thinking about how we were talking last night and the night we met, and how i just feel so comfortable? with you. like i can just be myself and open up completely. i'd usually never do that with someone i just met but you just made me feel at home. so often in my life i've been with people and shared special, beautiful moments with them. like when i would travel and see amazing cities and landscapes with my family, or stay up all night with my friends. but something was always off. i felt like i was the only one feeling that way. the feeling that this moment right here is special and i'll remember it for the rest of my life. i knew they didn't understand that feeling or treasure that moment in the same way. but somehow just a few hours with you sitting in front of a cathedral in milan i knew you understood me. you made me feel like a different person. or rather the person i always was underneath the facade i put on for people. so i hope you understand why i keep saying that our first night was so special to me and why i keep thanking you for it. it was so important to my life right at that moment. i'm just happy you're here. that's all

5:32 CET

hey good morning!! ❤️ you know the reason i love music so much and i guess why i'm a singer now is because i feel like there are too many emotions in this world and not enough words to express them. often i find myself feeling a certain way but not being able to describe it. then i listen to just the right song and i think yeah that's it. that's the feeling. i think music and art in general is just the language we need to overcome that gap. so when we shared our music that night, and knowing that you're listening to and enjoying the playlist i made for you now, i knew i felt something special with you. when i looked into your eyes i knew you felt it too. that connection. just the way you described it. so i'm happy you're here too ❤️

i don't think i've ever cried this high up above the ground before

oh hey you're awake! sorry huhu didn't mean to make you cry but tbf you made me cry too just now. and i just woke up!! i can't have swollen eyes for the show today 😅

omg i'm so sorry!! hahhaha

you should be landing soon right? have they served breakfast? lunch? idk time zones are hard

yeah they did! breakfast was soooo good! korean food is amazing. like even in planes it's great

welllll you're in business aren't you?

oops 🙈

that explains some of it 😂 but yeah korean food is so good!!

you gotta send me all your food recs!! i'll check them all out when i can

sure sure!! but i gotta get ready first. i have a quick shoot in my hotel room before the show. i might do a phoning call later when i'm done with it. it'll be quick but maybe you can join in!

sounds good! time to meet all my fellow bunnies 🐰

go get some more sleep! or not actually maybe it'll be better for your jet lag to wait until later

yeah i've slept enough. have fun today hanni!! see you later on phoning 📱

see youuuuu!! take care!

As soon as you cross the threshold at immigration and enter Korea once again, the thought crosses your mind that in a few days she'd be here, too. And the hope that you'd have more nights together enters your heart.

12:30 CET/20:30 KST

hey can i just say you looked amazing!! an angel fr

nauurrr 🦭🦭

hahaha why the seal?

sorry that's just the emoji i've been using for myself lately hahah

it's cute! it suits you somehow

thank you 🥰 you should be home right? everything went smoothly i hope?

yeah all good! tho i think jet lag's gonna hit hard

aww man i know the feel! but i'll be here to keep you company don't worry! ❤️

thank you! you're the sweetest as always

actually sorry i might have lied because i need to go to the show now. and then fly back home. but i'll do my best to message!!

no worries hanni really! 😊

no worries? more like super nervous right now!!!

aww no you can do it! you're amazing!! you'll do just fine

thanks eeeee 😖 i'll catch you laterrrr

see yaaaa

22:34 CET/6:34 KST

hey i'm on the plane now. gonna try and sleep. just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking about you! hope you're sleeping well and beating jet lag 🥊

13:28 KST

i slept for 7 hours omg 😴 will be landing soon! how are you?

heya!! sorry i've been in and out of sleep. jet lag sucks. but hey at least you're here!

i am here! 😊 when i get home you wanna call? maybe after dinner?

at this point idk when dinner's gonna be. but yeah sure i'd love to!!

yaaay

did you dream of anything?

it was more remembering than dreaming. i remembered our time in milan. how we talked about quickly passing by people and realizing that there's so much more going on in everyone's lives beyond what we can see in those few seconds of eye contact

sonder

yeah! and i thought that, knowing that fact, why aren't more people kind and thoughtful? compassionate. i mean most people are polite but there's a step above that that's rare to see. if we let it really sink in that we don't have a lot of time with people and life goes by so quickly, why shouldn't we try to be the kindest and most genuine versions of ourselves all the time? i'm not saying that that's who i am but it's who i want to become. and talking with you i feel like that's what you want too?

i think i'd always had that in the back of my mind but i'd never really articulated it to myself. but after i met you and now that you've said that, yes that's what i want. i want to at least try. thank you for showing me that part of myself ❤️

i'm glad i was able to 🥰

i used to think a lot about love and relationships. i mean i still do. and not just romantic ones. i remember thinking at some point that all relationships eventually fade or people move on and that i'd be better off focusing on myself, on my career. i thought i'd rather live knowing that i was really good at something, like you are at your job. i thought i'd rather live knowing i excelled at something people cared about. maybe i was scared of really opening up to someone and sharing my entire life with them only for them to leave and forget about me. but you helped me realize that that's ok. you said that as long as you had a true connection with someone, even briefly, that there's beauty in that. and that really stuck with me. it is all about connection. at the end of the day that's all we really need right? to love and be loved

yeah isn't everything we do in life an attempt at being loved a little more? i mean sometimes i feel this pressure as an idol to be a perfect role model for others, especially to other girls my age, and there's a certain responsibility that comes with that. i want to show them that you can achieve your dreams if you try hard enough and you don't really need anyone else. but then i realize that i'm doing this job because i love making music, spreading love in the world, and receiving it back. we do kinda need each other in the end cuz that's what being human is i think

yeah it definitely shows that you love your fans! and they love you just as much

i remember too when you asked me if i believed in a higher power. i said i thought the universe had some way of bringing the right people together at the right time. like you and me that night. but i also believe that there's magic when they form that connection. when they reach out like you did. being at the same place at the same time is one thing but attempting to get to know each other is another. if there's any magic in this world it's in trying to really connect with others and getting to know them. sharing the world and your experiences. even if it doesn't always work out, it's about the attempt. if we don't try things in life then what are we really doing right? you helped me realize that

you must really be an angel hanni idk what else to say

no i think you are!! ❤️

❤️ i'm so happy we helped each other see things we couldn't before. i mean maybe they were things we already knew in our subconscious but never properly thought about but still. you're such an inspiration! i think your job is perfect for you. the world needs someone like you

aww thanks ❤️ i'm crying again hahaha

me too lmao

i'll go wash up before people think i'm weird 😅

alright text me when you get home! looking forward to our call!

same same! see yaaaa 🥰

baiiiiiiii 💓

21:56 KST

An evening in Korea. Another night of hearing her voice. You pick up the phone.

Hey! How are ya! How was dinner?

Hi hi~ I haven't eaten yet. Appetite is nowhere to be found. I'd much rather talk to you anyway.

But you should eat something before sleeping at least! Don't want you getting hungry in the night.

Don't worry. I'll eat some ramyeon or something.

A pause. You hear her breathing for a brief moment.

It's funny hearing your voice again. Like, all this time reading your messages, I was just imagining your voice in my head, remembering it as it was when we met. But now through the phone it's not the same.

Better than nothing!

Oh, yeah! It's nothing bad. It's just funny.

Another pause. Almost awkward silence until she speaks up again.

I was thinking earlier about what you said about stars the other night. How we're all just stardust.

Yeah!

I still think that's really cool. Then it got me thinking even more that we're all just made of matter. Like atoms and molecules. Please don't laugh at me. I feel like you're about to laugh.

I'm not! I'm not!

Ok, good. But, yeah, we're all the same! Just atoms and molecules. Just like everything else in the universe. Doesn't that make you feel warm and fuzzy? Like, we're all some kind of huge family with everything that exists. And we're all 13 billion years old. Or whatever the number is.

I bet you looked up the age of the universe earlier.

I may have.

For the first time you hear her laughter through a small phone speaker. It was still just as sweet.

Hey, I miss you.

You hear nothing over the phone for a few moments before she responds with something you did not expect.

Funny, isn't it? How, in this digital age where everything's connected, you still find yourself missing people.

Yeah. You'd think you wouldn't be able to miss anyone but...

On the plane, when I closed my eyes to sleep, I could hear your voice. I think it's nice to know that you can just close your eyes and think about those you love, those special to you, and know they are real, alive, hopefully happy, in their own corner of the world, whether it's down the street or across the planet, and know that if they're closing their eyes and thinking the same, you're together in that moment.

That's a really nice thought.

But it isn't the same as having them near, knowing they're right there beside you under the same roof, under the same sky, under the same stars. It's not the same as just being able to turn to them and smile. To be able to hug them and laugh with them and hear it unfiltered in your ears. To be able to say things with your presence that words could never convey. I think we all need that closeness as humans. I think that's why we miss people. And why I miss you, too.

[mywrittingwonderland]

5. Everything means nothing if I don’t have you

Some more fluffiness of my favorite couple.

Is someone even reading this? LOL!

Have fun! And I apologize for the mistakes in advance.

- - - -

June

Sophia hadn’t really left Shawn’s house much since they became official. They were unofficially living together, after the first week she had her own key, her own drawer and even her own working spot close to him. The first time they were apart was when Shawn had to go on a day trip for press, and neither of them were able to sleep that well that night. He was so used to her using him as her own personal pillow that he missed the way her head would always be laying on his chest, right above his heart. No matter how they would go to sleep without fail that’s how they would wake up. He felt unease and regret for not catching the 1a.m. flight after the red carpet and getting back to her sooner, he thought about calling her but he also didn’t want to risk waking her up. Just when he was about to give up and go read a book instead of sleeping he felt his phone vibrating.

“Hi Baby, I thought you were in dreamland when we hanged up” He said, remembering how he stayed on the phone with her to make sure she would sleep.

“Shawn” Her voice sounded trembly and he did not like that for one second.

“What’s up, Honey?” he asked switching the call so he could see her and make sure she was okay.

“I miss you”

“I miss you too, I will be home later today”. He said bitting on his lip and wishing he could hug her out of whatever was bothering her. “Did something happen?” 

“I had a nightmare” 

“You had a nightmare? Oh, I am so sorry, Lovey. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“You were coming back from the red carpet and someone shot you right before you entered the house. And then- then…” 

“Hey, I am okay. No bullets, I promise.” He said trying to calm her down. He also looked up the next flight he could take, since he had no hopes of getting back to sleep. “Baby I am changing my flight, I will be home in 3hs”.

“Wait, no Shawn, you should get some sleep. I shouldn’t have called you.” She said instantly getting worried.

“No, Honey, I couldn’t get to sleep without you anyways, don’t worry. We can sleep the whole day together with no nightmares.” He said, texting Andrew to let him know he was going home sooner, and getting up to get dressed and leave. 

- - - - - -

July

“So, are you officially living together or what?” Brian asked after crashing the couple’s breakfast for the 2nd time that week. Sophia had just left to go to the toilet so he jumped the question.

“Hm, I mean, no, not really”. Shawn replied, sounding a bit unsure. They hadn’t really discussed much about their living situation, although Sophia was not going to her house that much. Brian looked at him silently asking if he was sure about that. “She has her place with Connor remember?” 

“Do you remember?” He asked.

“Oh shut up”.

“Shawn, seriously, are you sure you two are not going way too fast? Don’t get me wrong, I know you haven’t been this happy since I have known you, but tour stats in a few months and I am just worried you might lose your sense of personal space or something” 

“Brian what are you talking about?”. He asked, really not understanding what Brian was up to.

“All I am saying is, it might be harder for you when you go away. I just don’t want you to have one more thing to be anxious over, that’s all.” He said, but before Shawn could think of a reply on how crazy Brian was sounding Sophia got back to the table and they dropped the topic. 

Sophia half heard the conversation and got a little self conscious, she thought she might be imposing her presence too much in Shawn’s space and she got worried about what Brian was saying. If he got back to touring and he was more anxious because of her she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself, so she made a personal note to go sleep home that night. Once Shawn was gone for the studio she made him a fresh batch of cookies, because he happened to mention he was craving cookies that morning, and then she got her book in the nightstand and her working equipment before driving for her house. 

“Hellooo”. She said as soon as she got inside, expecting Connor to be there. But then she remembered he would definitely be with Shawn in the studio, so she just ended up in her kitchen making herself some tea and getting back to writing. 

Shawn on the other hand finally got to finish his talk with Brian, this time with Connor also present while they were on their lunch break with takeout pizza, since Shawn didn’t wanna leave the studio and find a restaurant without paps.

“Connor, do you also think Sophia and Shawn are just going too fast?”. Brian blunted out making Shawn drop his pizza slice and look at him as of saying: not this again.

“As long as he has no intentions of breaking by best friend’s heart I think they are doing okay, you tell us Shawn”.

“I think Brian is way too invested in my love life all of a sudden”. Shawn said, getting a bit annoyed.

“Bro, I am honestly just worried about you”. He said putting up his arms in surrender.

“I thought about what you said this morning, and perhaps it was my mistake to not ask her to move in already. I know it might seem like we are going too fast, but I just really love her so much, and I wanna spend every single minute I can with her before we actually have to be apart for tour.” He explained. “And Connor I have no intention of breaking my soulmate’s heart, ever.” 

The boys continued to talk for a little bit before Shawn had to get back to rehearsals. Shawn was relieved when his day was over, he missed Sophia, and she hadn’t texted him the entire day, which was making him worry something was up. When he entered the house he immediately felt the smell of cookies in the air, it looked like she had just pulled them out of the over some minutes ago. 

“Babyyy, where are you? These are so good.” He said grabbing a cookie and going searching for her around the condo. He quickly noticed she wasn’t in any of her spots and her book and computer were also not in the house, so he grabbed the phone and called her.

Sophia completely forgot about her phone, she used to do that a lot whenever she would get lost in a book.

“Wait Shawn, I literally just got home. Phi, are you home?” Connor asked giggling between his keys, phone and camera bag. She wasn’t in the kitchen anymore, Connor went to look at her tiny library and found her very deep into reading. “Yeah she is here. Okay sure, I will let her know” 

“Oh hey Con, I swear I didn’t see you there”

“Yeah I noticed. Shawn is coming over by the way.” Connor said making his way to sit beside his friend. “He was super worried when he got home and your cookies were there but you weren’t” 

“Oh, that wasn’t my intention, I mean he did want cookies this morning, but I didn’t want to make him worried, I just thought I might give him some space today. Just in case. I have been over his house way too much”. She said, sounding a bit insecure.

“I personally don’t think he minds, but you can talk once he gets here”. He said giving her a kiss on the forehead and leaving her to get back to reading. Shawn was there in less than 15 minutes, and Connor opened up for him.

“She is reading”

Shawn walked inside and went straight to her library, he leaned on the door for a bit observing how focused she was in her book. Until she notice his presence and smiled at him making him instantly smiling back and getting close to her for a kiss.

“You got me worried, Missy” He said waiting for her to mark up her book before engulfing her in a tight hug.

“I am sorry, I just thought I might be way too much in your space, I don’t want to suffocate you”. She said making him frown. “I head a bit of what Brian was saying this morning.” She explained making him understand where she was coming from. 

“I am totally killing Brian tomorrow” He said making her laugh. “Baby you don’t suffocate me”.

“Are you sure? I mean I have been over a lot, and I know it’s not my house, and I don’t-” He interrupted her rambling by kissing her gently.

“I am sure. You could never suffocate me. And about that, I wanted to ask you something”. He said and she waited for him to continue. “Do you wanna just stay over indefinitely? Because, it’s no longer home without you.” 

“Really?”

“Mhm, oh and you can change whatever you want, let’s make it ours?” He said with a big smile on.

“Okay I think I would love that” 

- - - - - - 

August 

“Sweetie, I am sure my parents will love you, in fact I am sure they already love you.” Shawn said trying to reassure his girlfriend.

“Still, Shawn we have to make sure to welcome them properly, so please help me out with what I should cook for them”. She said, half ignoring what he was saying and coming back into what Connor would call the wonder hostess mode.

“Phi, are you sure you don’t want to just order take out? I don’t want you to stress too much about this.” He said, worried that she was overdoing it.

“No, that would make me a very bad hostess. I am not having that. You know that.” She said looking up from the list she was making to make sure he understood what she was saying.

“Okay, fine. I think that your Ravioli al Pesto will make everyone happy”. He gave in, receiving a smile back from her. 

“How about Tiramisu for dessert?”

“That’s perfect, Love.” He kissed her forehead. “My only condition is that you let me help you cook, it will make me feel better”

“But Shawn, you don’t really know how to cook”

“Teach me, please?”

And teach him she would, over the months Shawn learned probable more about cooking than he had his entire life, and he really was up to making the extra effort because she was constantly making him small things, brownies because he seemed sad, blue cookies because she was re-reading Percy Jackson, and many other instances in which she would learn his favorite treats and home made them. He wanted to be able to do the same for her, so he took it very serious.

There was something he was right about though, his family loved her, in fact he thought they might love her even more than he loved her, if that was even possible.

“Phi, you have to come to my Hockey game on Friday, I wanna talk more to you before my brother’s birthday when we have to be with everyone.” Aaliyah said by end of dinner, while helping Sophia with getting dessert.

“Really? I would love to come!” She said getting excited while finishing to cut the tiramisu pieces.

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Yes, go for it” 

“Is my Brother treating you right? Because I swear if he isn’t I will beat him up for you”. Sophia have out a loud laugh at that which made Shawn join the girls in the kitchen.

“What’s up?” 

“I am just checking with her that you are being a gentlemen since she is just way too good, I won’t allow you to break her heart.” Sophia blushed at Aaliyah’s statement and all of a sudden she was a bit overwhelmed by the attention and love the new Mendes was giving her.

“Never, but I appreciate you also taking care of my Angel”. Shawn said grabbing Sophia’s hand for a kiss on her forehead. “Isn’t she cute?” He asked his sister while Sophia conveniently hid her red face in his chest for a second.

“Shawn she might just be my favorite sister, sorry”. Shawn smiled and hugged his girlfriend while still paying attention to Aaliyah.

“I am okay with that”. Shawn said looking at his girlfriend and noticing how her eyes were full of tears.

“You guys are making me cry”. Sophia said, not knowing how to handle the love she was getting. “Come here”. She said hugging Aaliyah. “Thank you, I also can’t wait to have a sister”.

- - - - - - 

September

“So what’s your plan for today”. Connor asked Shawn, and he gave him a clueless look.

“Well, rehearsals? And probably call mom and dad tonight, why?”He questioned the blonde’s sudden interest for his day.

“Shawn you do know what day is today right?” Connor asked, and Shawn quickly revised his brain for something he might have missed, but nothing did come to mind.

“I have no idea what you are talking about Connor, where we supposed to do some external shooting for the doc and I am forgetting it?” Connor eyes widened in surprise for his answer.

“Dude, you are so screwed” 

“What? What did I do?” 

“Phi didn’t happen to mention today is her birthday, right? Why am I not surprised? She  never loved her own birthdays.” He said tapping his friend’s back in comfort.

“Connor, are you serious? Please tell me this is a prank?”Shawn asked fully entering panic mode when he realised he actually never asked his girlfriend when was her birthday, and it happened to be conveniently exactly a month after his, September 8th.

“I would never, here I sent her happy birthday this morning”. He said showing Shawn the text and Sophia’s thank you response.

“Holy shit, I need to go”. Shawn said, quickly looking around and gathering his things and his keys. “Can you smooth things with Andrew for today? I will talk to him later, and thank you, you are the best friend ever” He quickly said running out of the studio and into his car. 

He felt very bad, he never actually asked her when it was, and this week was very crazy with all the final preparations for the Global Citizen’s festival, and also Niall’s birthday coming up. 

“Fuck me, all week talking to her about Niall’s birthday and the festival”. He said gripping on the wheel, he remembered what she did for him on his birthday, she actually organised all the tiny details and baked his cake, he didn’t want anything big, so they all went with his family and the crew to a small retreat in her family’s countryside in London. She also had an amazing gift for him.

“Well, I know that you are allergic to dogs, so I thought maybe I could get you some other kind of best friend, plus Pinky was a bit lonely.” He replayed her words in his head and this new horse that was currently being taken care by her grandparent’s in their farm, and of course he was Pinky’s best friend. He remembered that she also explained to him that she had done a lot of research on anxiety after she was diagnosed soem years ago, and that Pinky helped her a lot, and that she wanted Shawn to also have that new kind of support whenever he had a break and things got too much. 

He quickly stopped at Sophia’s favorite flower shop on the way home. It was this very tiny shop owned by an Italian old lady, and he dropped by every week to pick her something, every time the previous flower was dying he would give her a new one. It was a nice tradition he started after hearing one of Sophia’s grandma story on how she fell in love with her grandpa because he would always bring her a flower, no matter if it was sunny or raining, everyday since they met he would give her a flower. He ended up getting a mixture of her favorites, little delicate white and purple daisies, scorpion grasses and lavender, wrapped with a classic white lace.

When he opened the door of their home it was already 17:00, so he was relieved to see music playing and the lights on. “Hi Baby, I am home”.

“In the kitchen”. She sounded happy, which was a bit of a relief to Shawn. He caught her finishing up the cake she had started the day before, lemon and rose flavoured, he remembered her saying when she asked him to test the filling. It didn’t crossed his mind that she was baking herself a cake, she was constantly baking so he really didn’t think anything different. “What do you think?” She asked, referring to her little cake, decorated with light pink frosting and some rose petals on the top.

“It’s very cute”. He said making his way to her and giving her a kiss. 

“Are these for me?” She asked noticing the bouquet with her favorite flowers on his hand.

“Yes”. He smiled back at her still amazed by the fact that she didn’t seem even the slightest mad at him.

“They are so pretty, thank you.” She hugged him and went to her vase to change her flowers.

“Your welcome, Baby.” He replied observing her untangling the flowers from the lace, taking the old ones, choosing a dying flower and putting inside her book, and then throwing the rest of them out. Without failure she would do that every week.

“Why did you get so many today?” She asked, noticing he got her way more flowers than he usually does. And he looked at her thinking that it wouldn’t surprise him if she forgot her own birthday, she was so worried about everything around her sometimes every so often she would need reminders that she was also important.

“Connor might have let it slip that today is someone’s birthday”. He said getting close to her and pulling the string of hair that escaped her braid out of her face. 

“Oh”. She looked guilty back at him.

“Yeah”. He smiled and gave her a slow kiss followed by a peck on her nose.

“I promise I was gonna tell you.” He giggled and hugged her.

“Happy Birthday, Baby. I love you.” He said kissing her one more time. “What happened that you didn’t tell me?” He asked softly keeping his hands on her back and his forehead on hers.

“After we came back from London, things were just so crazy, there was the iHeartRadio MuchMusic Video Awards, and then and you were so anxious about having to fly to Ireland and doing the festival in New York in a very short span of time, and also the finishing things for tour that have to be settled this until next month. I just didn’t want to bring up one more thing to make it even crazier.” She said explaining the reasoning behind her actions. Shawn immediately felt like she had somehow made him fall even more in love with her. “Also I am not the biggest on my birthdays, I much prefer other’s birthdays”. She bit her lip, nervously looking at him. “I am sorry”. She said, making his heart melt.

“I love you, you know that?” He said, giving her a big smile. “You truly are the kindest person I know”. He kissed her one more time. “Baby, none of these things are even a tiny fraction more important than you… -”

“Shawn… -”

“Wait, let me finish please?” She nodded. “I know things sometimes do get crazy in my life, and I really do appreciate every single thing you have done to support me these past weeks, I don’t think I could have done it without you. In fact I am sure I wouldn’t have managed it, at least not sanely.” He chuckled. “But I really don’t want you to think that you don’t have space to also share your important things, because I want to hear all of them, and I want to also help you get through all of them. You are as much important as I am in this relationship. And honestly, all of this, everything, it means nothing if I don’t have you. All of you.”

- - - - - - 

Taglists: Shawn x Sophia Taglist: @shawn-youth  General Taglist: @arypesanchez @turtoix @ivegotparticulartaste @lanallaa   @pammyloumendkens

Message me if you wanna be added to the Taglists :)

[runwayrunway]

Hi! You might be wondering "aw, geez, where did that Runway Runway guy go? Last I heard he was off in England, and I haven't heard anything about someone on the ground there getting ingested into an engine while trying to pet one of the planes, so what gives?"

Well, truth is, I've been in the UK. I've only just gotten back to my proper computer mere minutes ago. Essentially, let it be known that data roaming is not equivalent to getting a foreign SIM, and I've had such barebones reception for the past two weeks that never mind researching and putting together posts, I couldn't even make an update post with my pathetic Premier Inn wi-fi. I'm really sorry about the radio silence.

I have accumulated a lot to write about, though. Among other things I took a fairly bizarre Luton - Gatwick flight, via Edinburgh, in order to enable myself to travel well over two hours to a certain decommissioned airfield. I've gotten my hands on a book, and I've also gotten my hands on an Airfix kit which is so old the box seems to suggest the Vickers Vanguard was one of the biggest draws in airliner models at the time. Also, I flew on an A320neo for the first time! Wow, those things are powerful. Blink and you miss the whole takeoff run.

I'll make another update vis-a-vis schedule as soon as I myself have a good idea of what the situation is going to be. I'm definitely going to take a couple of days to adjust to not living in a hotel anymore, plus getting used to typing on an actual keyboard again. I'll be posting throughout, replying to outstanding asks (I am so sorry) and getting the pictures I've taken all downloaded onto my computer. There are a couple things I saw that I thought were pretty neat!

When I do get back to proper posting, the next four subjects will be, in order: British Airways; British Airways; EasyJet; American Airlines. As for when those will go up, expect a better answer shortly. Coming a bit further in the future, I also have some material planned about the various liveries of a very, very special airplane.