#also if i see any of u ship michael and ava BLOCKED

[softavasilva]

You know what… Beatrice has got me feeling some type of way. You know the scene where Bea finds Father Vincent after Michael takes him out and Father Vincent says “looks like Ava has a new protector”. You know that had to have been just an absolute knife to Bea’s heart. Because she has been Ava’s protector from the beginning, all the way back in Cat’s Cradle when she hugged Ava when Mother Superion accused her of killing herself all the way through Switzerland where she was entrusted by the entire order to protect the warrior nun, train her and make her stronger. But the sting of losing Ava, not protecting Ava has to be so much stronger in this moment because not only did she fail to keep the halo safe (her job) but more particularly she failed to keep Ava safe (her pleasure). And instead Michael of all people was the one to rescue Ava. That must just absolutely eat at Beatrice every single day

"because not only did she fail to keep the halo safe (her job) but more particularly she failed to keep Ava safe (her pleasure)" ... first of all how dare you. second of all how the fuck dare you that one sentence father vincent so rudely blurted out really just stabbed her heart twisted it around and put more salt in her wounds. it proved all her insecurities about her duty/job and the value she holds in this particular obligation of protecting the very thing she gave her vows/life to. Like she probably is reliving all the times her parents have been disappointed in the way she uses her existence without a "purpose". and now that shes joined the ocs and has a set objective - failing at this is her biggest fucking fear and regret. more so because she knows failing the halo bearer isnt the worst part of it all. its failing ava silva - the girl she first handedly saw live a life only beatrice would dream of for herself. selflessly helping the girl experience wonders for the first time unwillingly knowing ava was also giving beatrice that exact same thing. Falling in love with ava made her guarded "duty first" mindset tainted with emotions that was sinful to have - so she did everything she could to protect the warrior nun because she thinks thats the only version of ava she could have. bc no one will question and judge her for constantly having to protect her. thats just her job right? - so having a man be accused of doing this exact thing just brings back all her self sabotage ways of thinking about how a relationship between her and ava would never work bc yes she has a new protector now and its a man and it would be so easy for them to develop something from more than a "leader"(warrior) and a "follower"(sister warrior) dynamic.